#and i dont want to be here
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Thinking about König
Mainly, thinking about his anxiety being like my anxiety. It's social anxiety but more than the "oh no, people, scary!" That people tend to generalize it as.
That's not to say that it isn't like that. Yes, people are intimidating, especially large groups of them. Or if you're being put in a command position. Or if you're in a position to be judged... Which is most situations. (Public speaking, especially for school projects is especially bad).
But it's not just shyness. It's also the aversion.
Walking through the halls, with a dead sort of stare. Not intentionally intimidating, but it's very much a resting bitch face, look at me and I'll kill you sort of expression.
Saying as little as possible to people he's not comfortable with.
"yes."
"no."
"I don't like that."
"I don't want to."
"we are not friends."
Staring so intently at people that it unsettles them.
"-and that's why I think... Why... It's... Is everything okay, Colonel?"
"Ja, why?"
"You're, uh... You're looking very intently."
"This is just how I look. Eye contact is important."
"uhh... Right, it's just... I haven't seen you blink?"
"I blink when you blink."
Like, yes, of course there are situations where he gets mousy voiced or sweaty palms. But not at work, no. At work he's able to conjure up, maybe not confidence, but something.
At a restaurant though? Speaking softly, making himself small, saying please and thank you after every sentence. It doesn't matter what the server does, he's always soft spoken and polite, nervous. If he asks for no pickles and they bring him his dish with pickles, he'll eat it. If he orders a chicken sandwich and they bring him a burger, he'll eat it. If he tells them that he has a deadly peanut allergy and they bring him a tub of peanut butter... He'll send that back, but he'll be polite about it.
"Oh, ja, I'm sorry, I... This isn't what I ordered. Oh, no, no, it's okay, don't apologize. I'm sorry. You're busy. It's fine, I understand."
Sometimes during mission briefs he will randomly growl and smack his fist on the table. People think he's mad at them and straighten up, stop sipping so loud, on their best behaviour. He actually just got mad at himself, remembered something embarrassing from his past.
He almost acts like a narcissist. Passes by a mirror, winks at his reflection: "How's it going, good looking?"
Makes jokes about being the pretty one. People think he's full of himself.
He actually hates himself but has replaced negative self talk with show boating. He doesn't hate himself any less, but he tells himself to kill himself way less often!
Always has some sort of plan. An escape route, a plan of attack. Watching the people around him nervously.
Sits in the back of the room so he can watch everybody. Sits with his chair pushed far back so he can stand quicker.
Glares at people who walk by. Gives their dogs heart eyes. Prays that the owners realize and ask him if he wants to say hello. He's too awkward to ask permission. And he's too angry looking for people to offer.
Represses lots of anger from incidents he feels he can't lash out in, goes batshit in training or on missions. (I used to do kick boxing, the gym people had to keep coming up to me and moving my punching bag back because I was hitting it too hard).
The kind of person to, when going to someone's house, immediately look for signs of a pet. If he finds it. The animal is now his best friend. Goes to a party hangs with the dog type of beat.
Thinks smoking pot would help him. But the idea makes him nervous. Which he thinks, smoking pot would help... But the idea of smoking pot makes him nervous. But he–
Will just lie to get out of shit.
"Hey, we're going to get drinks tonight, do you want to come?"
"ah, I can't... I promised to get dinner with a friend."
Goes home and enjoys a night alone.
Avoidant. Will just not do things that cause him stress. Hasn't been to the dentist in years because talking to the lady at reception makes him nervous. What if the phone signal is bad? What if it just keeps breaking up? What if she can't understand his accent? What if when he gets to the dentist they hate him for the state of his teeth? What if he goes to the dentist and they steal his teeth?! It's happened before! He's seen articles!
Gets adopted by extroverts by being unhinged.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Horangi asks.
"I heard that human meat tastes like pork... The best pork, actually." König says absently.
"Huh... And you know this why?"
"I was curious."
"okay... Let's go to dinner."
"Ja, let's."
A sort of dry air about him that comes off as a lack of empathy. But he's just got so much going on in his brain that he can't focus on emoting anything but augghskft.
Will stare off into space with a blend of the hundred yard stare and the most murderous expression known to man. He's not mad. He's just thinking.
Undiagnosed autism
Forgets people's names, gets to nervous to ask again. So he just calls everyone "you".
Acts cold and indifferent. He just really hates small talk, doesn't understand it. Why say something if it's not important? He doesn't care about your grandchildren. Or your wife. Or your morning.
Is the world's best host mainly out of fear. Asking if you need food or a drink or a blanket or if–
König who after confrontations, has to take a step back, hands shaking slightly. But who's also still super pissed and ready to throw punches at the drop of a hat
König who worries so much about physical affection that it just becomes too much. Hugs are suffocating, hands are held too tight, cuddling is like being smothers. But it takes him a long time to initiate anything. God forbid you initiate anything. Hug the man and he bluescreens
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Masterlist
#shout out to the time i was seeing a therapist#she asked me why i was always wearing a mask#i work around sick people and go to university#lots of diseases#she complained that she couldn't tell what i was thinking#forgot my mask one day and she was like#“Still can't tell what you're thinking”#she also kept stopping and getting really nervous#shifting in her seat#asking me if everything is okay#tells me I'm looking “very intense and angry”#meanwhile i was just looking at her#or that time i was told I'm intimidating because i “walk fast and don't smile”#like#ive got places to be#and i dont want to be here#or there#the quicker i get there the quicker I'm over with it#konig#call of duty#cod#cod modern warfare#konig call of duty#konig headcanons#cod headcanons#cod mwii#cod x reader#call of duty x reader#konig x reader
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I turn to Ares.
Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK
⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon
#greek mythology#ares#athena#greek gods#dont get me wrong it aint athena slander but it sure is ares praise#on some level at least#man justly accused of bad things deserves some mid praise more at 11#thank you romi for helping me with words though i duly noted you insisted on ares not being cautious rather than him not being careful#romi be like “i want him to care” and honestly good you should say it#also EPIC led to this and i just..... i want to draw some animatics man i just need infinite time now#my long lost love for greek myths just will never stop coming and they dont stop coming and they dont stop coming#i want some vulture design in here for ares but not sure about this one#kochei doodles
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a router is a type of beast. thumbs up
#i dont have the energy for anything nice but i want to draw. the curse . it s so dark in here#my art#robot
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The response to "ace people are just virgins who can't get laid!" Shouldn't be "ace people can still have sex!" but instead " being a virgin isn't a bad thing."
The response to "aro people are just heartless freaks!" Shouldn't be "aro people can still feel love!" And instead be "not feeling love or other emotions doesn't make you a bad person."
Instead of pushing the idea that aspec people can be "normal like allos" we should instead be trying to normalize aspec experiences. Yes aspec people can be normal because aspec identities are normal. Some aros fall in love. some aces have sex. but they should not be the only valid aspec experiences. We should not use these experiences to make the aspec identity more palatable to amatonormativity and allos.
#text#aro#ace#aroace#aromantic#asexual#aspec#acespec#arospec#ik i made a similar post to this recently but i feel this one better words what i wanted to say with that one#ill leave the other posted but heres a more worded version ig#basically stop theowing repulsed and non partnering ppl under the bus#dont only validate favorable and partnering experiences when fighting aphobia#we are here too
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Dean Winchester is saved.
#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#supernatural#spn#spn fanart#supernatural fanart#now lets just all pretend we dont see the dick#i dont want to get put in jail i just got here#my art#art
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he's a freak <3
#IM HALFWAY THROUGH DUNGEON MESHI#PLEASE ACCEPT ME DUNGEON MESHI FANDOM#EXCEPT DONT SPOIL ME PLEASE#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#laios touden#marcille dungeon meshi#drew this for a meme on twitter... i wanted it to be chilchuck but marcille is the only other main cast tall enough to be in the frame ;-;#ahah i like her here now though#my art#laios
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meteorologists report sky just a little bluer today, and it's because skyloft residents link and zelda are in love :)
#zelink#link#zelda#skyward sword#loz#loz fanart#ss link#ss zelda#hi. we're still normal here#this is 'Officially' a practice doodle bcus i wanna do a bigger piece for them on valentines day#but i wanted to make it look nice too . for however much my brain would let me bcus i kept getting distracted while drawing#i dont think these two outpace botw/totk zelink for me but they Do come very close... they are like comfort food zink#same as spirit tracks i guess but ss is a fun game in comparison. im sorry.#anyways. gay people!#my art
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the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.
the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.
friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.
if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!
what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!
people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.
you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.
your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.
#writeblr#i actually didn't want a girlfriend before nat#and my dad recently said to me - raquel. i don't approve of the promiscuity#1. i am 30.#2. i had casually dated about 4 people over 18 months.#3. i do believe he was just mad that i get more girls than he ever did#i had to look this 60 yr old deacon in the eye and say. okay so i have a girlfriend first of all im just not tellin yall about her#and secondly.#OKAY???? OLD MAN I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ABOUT IT#briefly considered asking nat if i could pretend we were a one night stand kind of a thing
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winter outing featuring cross guild and company 🌨️🌨️🌨️
#one piece#cross guild#portgas d ace#monkey d. luffy#ace#roronoa zoro#perona#nefertari vivi#buggy the clown#dracule mihawk#sir crocodile#erio art#erio stuff#sort of set within impel down au but not really lol#its definitely modern au but i dont think croco would have devil fruit powers in my impel down AU LOL but i added it bc...it looks cool...#vivi is here bc she wanted to see snow ok!! so she is w/ croco during her winter break!!!
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If anyone wants to purchase an esim to provide internet access to Palestinians but haven't yet, you can use my Nomad referral code LYDI79TR for $3 off your first purchase! With this code esims are as low as $6, and this is a way you can immediately help someone in Gaza who might otherwise not be able to make contact with their loved ones.
More detailed information on esims is available here, and a tutorial walking through how to purchase and send an esim through Nomad is available here.
edit to add: if this code isn’t working for you, try codes NOMADCNG or BACKPACKNOMAD !
#added this to my pinned post too!#i know there are other codes floating around but i just got mine sent to me today and wanted to share it here so others can use it!#esims for gaza#palestine#ways to help#updated with more codes! most codes only work for your first purchase and dont always work for everyone so here are more!
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last three seasons spn are crazy. its just dean being borderline suicidal while sam tries to fix it by basically dangling his keys at him and going : “dean look! cowboys!” “dean look! strip club!” “dean look! haunted action figure.”
Meanwhile castiel is like i see that dean is suicidal, this is clearly my fault so i will remedy this by dying.
#and then dean is fixed by jack getting him a yogurt from the fridge or some shit#dean: yeah i just dont believe theres any point living any more. sam: huh dean are you ok? that sure was a funny thing to say#dean: yeah i just dont believe theres a point to life anymore. cas: don’t worry dean. i’ll always be here. *dies*#dean:yeah i just don’t believe theres a point to living anymore. jack: bummer. want to play mario kart?#dean: sure kid why not#destiel#dean winchester#spn#sam winchester#supernatural#but seriously#i feel like we dont talk about how dean was trying to die at the slightest inconvenience in the later seasons and its like??? bestie???
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andreil commission for a friend
#and yes they wanted the hannibal horse scene pose everybody say thank you hannibal#i dont go here sorry if theres inaccuracies#andreil#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard
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I'M FAT, SO WHAT? by Venus Ashu
#venus ashu#mirth magazine#edit: tumblr added a mature content label to this... don't love that#(the link takes you to venus' insta! check it out!)#i dont see many fat ppl posted on here esp in the photography + fashion + beauty areas soo i want to add some :-)#fashion#photography#beauty#fat fashion#fat beauty#fat photography#(h) post
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of course stede is getting high on the attention he's receiving he was an outcast all his life and his dream of becoming a pirate was always taken as a joke so him getting praised over blackbeard? his crew cheering him on before killing ned? getting fans among the very people who used to make fun of him? i fucking hate it here but ugh love it when characters are consistent and well written like fuck yes gimme flawed and stupid decisions that are made according to their backstories and personalities
#dont get me started on ed leaving and wanting to be a fisherman and how is also such an obvious thing for him to do#after talking to fang and having that connection#i hate it here#our flag means death#ofmd#ofms s2#ofmd spoilers#our flag means gay#stede bonnet#edward teach#blackbeard#mer talks
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here's some old unfinished art that i dont plan on finishing anymore, but not posting it feels like a waste too 😔
#based on a screenshot from tactica but with two minor edits hehe#persona 5#persona 5 tactica#p5#....i do not want to tag all the characters here#its fine its just a wip i dont have to#liz art
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