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thatsonemorbidcorvid · 5 months

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A few weeks after #MeToo exploded on the internet, an old friend and I did what so many women did during that time: We got on the phone and finally began to acknowledge what had happened to us. My friend shared a story of hers from college. Back then, we’d all just considered it a “bad date,” but she now recognized it as sexual assault. She also shared that at nearly every single job she’s had since college, a boss or co-worker has sexually harassed her.

The month before our conversation, I had published an essay sharing my own experience of sexual assault while traveling abroad. Like my friend, it was not my only experience—it was one of many. But I’d only included the one, because in the early stages of #MeToo, the idea of sharing one assault story still felt risky. The idea of sharing more than one felt culturally impossible. My friend agreed.

“As a woman, you’re only allowed one #MeToo moment,” she told me. “After that, people begin assuming the problem must be you.”

Out of the many celebrity #MeToo stories told in the past five years, only a handful have acknowledged the experience of multiple assaults. In an HBO documentary, Alanis Morisette spoke about repeated incidents of statuatory rape that happened when she first entered the music industry, all of which “fell on deaf ears” when she tried seeking accountability. In her memoir, Selma Blair wrote about a teacher who sexually assaulted her, as well as the many men who raped her in her 20s. In an interview with Dazed, Amber Rose said, “I cannot even count how many times a famous guy touched me inappropriately.” On a social media post during the Kavanaugh hearings, Tatum O’Neal wrote about her multiple assaults: “It was not my fault when I was 5, 6, 12, 13, 15.”

Stories that emphasize the ubiquitous nature of assault are vital in a world that so often focuses on one dramatic episode, with visceral details of the violation and an easily identifiable villain. This amplifies the false idea that assault is just a singular, horrifying incident—when in reality, many of us experience it as part of a larger, more insidious culture.

Once a person is assaulted, research shows they’re more likely to be assaulted again, a phenomenon called “revictimization.” Around 50 percent of children who survive sexual assault reexperience it later in life, and even a single incident of sexual assault in adulthood can increase the risk for it to happen again. As psychologist A.E. Jaffe and her colleagues wrote in a 2019 paper on revictimization: “Perhaps the most consistent predictor of future trauma exposure is a history of prior trauma exposure.”

Why would this be? In lieu of a good answer for it (more on that in a moment), we often blame victims themselves. We easily justify these statistics by suggesting that anyone who has survived multiple incidents of violence must be asking for it—either by acting promiscuously, hanging around too many shady men, or getting themselves into precarious situations. One survivor I interviewed told me that though she received some form of victim-blaming in response to all three sexual assaults she experienced, she noticed a stark decrease in support each time it happened again.

“After the second and third, some people began saying, ‘What’s happening in your life to attract that?’ or ‘Do you have enough awareness to know when men want to harm you?’ ” she told me. “One person even asked why I was ‘trusting men so much.’ ” Another friend who experienced multiple assaults went through a similar line of questioning, only with herself. “After so many times, I began asking myself, ‘What is it about me that brings on these experiences?’ ” she said. I told her I ask myself that question all the time.

In his essay “Spectator” for Roxane Gay’s anthology on sexual assault stories, Not That Bad, Brandon Taylor wrote about his best friend telling him she was beginning to think she was “just the kind of person this stuff happens to.” For a long time, that’s what I believed, too. As a travel writer and a single bisexual woman, I figured that at some point, I’d pay the price. Eventually, I’d have to face some element of physical harm—wasn’t that the obvious trade-off for attempting a liberated life? To me, survivorship—more than resilience, bravery, or strength—often felt like resignation.

But in some cases, it’s exactly that resignation that influences repeat assaults. While there’s no conclusive evidence as to why revictimization happens, we do know that normalizing assault can contribute to future harm. If a survivor has not internalized their experience as exceptionally traumatic, they are less likely to advocate for themselves, or demand accountability if it happens again. If they, like me, accept violence as an obvious fact of their lives, then when it repeats, they don’t seek the support they need to process and heal from each experience.

In an article for Psychology Today, psychotherapist and clinical social worker Keith Fadelici called this a “cognitive accommodation to ongoing violence.” The trauma continuously gets downplayed as victims attempt to normalize their assaults, which helps them feel more in control. “This dissociative process is a common symptom of PTSD,” Fadelici told me. “And can also later make survivors less capable of detecting risk by numbing the fear that is supposed to trigger alertness to danger.”

Oppression also plays a significant role. Those with marginalized identities are more at risk for experiencing assault in general, and thus more likely to experience it again. LGBTQ+ people are four times more likely to be assaulted than the general population (bisexual women and trangender people also are far more likely to experience assault than gay men and lesbian women). Rates of sexual assault for Indigenous women are three times higher than non-Indigenous women, and Black women are much more likely to experience assault than white women. Neurodivergent people are 11 times more likely than neurotypical people to be victims of violent crimes.

“If this is coming up repeatedly with one individual, it might be because that person is within systems and structures that facilitate assault more often,” said Jaffe. For those of us living with any of these identities, we normalize violence because living under oppression is consistently violent. In order to survive, a “cognitive accommodation to ongoing violence” is necessary. We train ourselves to get used to it, and move on.

After #MeToo, I began reading and rereading the legal definitions for rape and sexual assault to make sense of what had happened to me. Any sexual contact that occurred without consent constitutes assault? Any sexual contact that included penetration without the other person’s consent constitutes rape? The criteria felt almost too easy. Under these standards, I had been raped twice, and assaulted several other times—all stories I had not yet fully internalized, and was not yet ready to tell. Dozens of legal crimes had been committed against my body, but that idea felt so unfathomable I hardly knew what to do next.

In the three years after publishing that first story, I experienced more incidents, and I still don’t know what to call them. I don’t feel comfortable firmly declaring them as “assault.” I don’t like how it connects so deeply with an oppressive legal system, and how it automatically connotes some excessive form of violence. Even today, it seems too strong and rough a word for how these episodes played out: often with little physicality, with only brief conflict and polite turns toward quick forgiveness, until weeks later when I’d unpack the severity of what had happened. As I began sharing more of these stories with close friends, I would catch myself saying ��technically” before saying “I was assaulted,” acknowledging the semantic disconnect I still felt. This hesitation is common among many survivors: As one 2019 meta-analysis showed, rates of victimization increase when participants are asked “behaviorally descriptive questions” about what happened to them, rather than questions that use terms like “rape” and “assault.”

Sometimes, people ask “How many times all together?” I say “six-ish,” a number that captures the amount of experiences that have dramatically changed the way I relate to my body—how it experiences intimacy, how it engages with the world: The one that happened at work, just weeks into my first job out of college. The one at a festival in India. The one while getting a deep-tissue massage. The one at a New York play party. The one so common I learned it has its own name (“stealthing“). The one with a lover I had loved and trusted deeply. The one with another lover, a violation that was not sexual but physical and thus, as yet another nonconsensual act done against my body, still felt so connected to all the rest.

And this still does not take into account every time I was nonconsensually touched in public—the men who pulled and grabbed my arms, my back, my butt, my shoulders to try to get my attention on the street—nor the times I’ve been followed, harassed, physically threatened by strangers on the street.

The accumulation of more and more of these events creates a compounding impact, one where each additional incident begins to amplify the ones before. For me and most survivors I spoke to, we are not healing from trauma—we are learning how to exist in a world where trauma continues to accumulate.

Every survivor I interviewed for this piece told me they fully accept the potential that they’ll experience assault in the future. Still, most of them admitted to me that it’s still easier to only share just one story with the world—never the full range of what has happened to them. “When you only have one story, the enemy is the rapist,” one survivor told me. “But when you have several people with a lifetime of these experiences, the enemy is all of us.”

This is what we mean when we talk about rape culture. The first thing we can do to start to dismantle it is to recognize what we’re up against.

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maxislvt · 1 year

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Baby It's Cold Outside

Summary: Wanda had always kept an eye out for her neighbor. So when she finds you alone and cold on Christmas, she can't help but intervene.

Warnings: Age-gap relationships, R being gay again, also it's not projecting if it's part of the request!!

A/N: This reads like a fucking Hallmark movie.

Event Masterlist

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Being neighbors with Wanda had many perks. She was a kind soul. It didn’t matter what the occasion was — if someone needed help, she was the first to step up and make a plan. She attended every PTA and neighborhood watch meeting she possibly could. Wanda was the sun of Westview, and not a single person could escape her compassionate rays. No one except her adorable little hermit of a next-door neighbor. You were a bit of a mystery in the community. You were young, just moved in, and seemingly didn’t know anyone in the area. As if the lack of attachments wasn’t enough, you were painfully shy. You had missed the first few community parties since no one could contact you. When you did attend the first pool party, all you did was sit on a floatie and drink.

Wanda was fortunate enough to be one of the few people you actually talked to in the neighborhood. Though the conversations were brief, she learned a lot about you. Most of it was through simply watching you but you were surprisingly open with Wanda. Despite your crippling shyness, you worked in retail. You had a really bad habit of putting your hand in your face when you spoke. Wanda assumed it was so you had an excuse not to look people in the eye. You also really enjoyed photography. You loved it so much, that the simple promise of taking pictures was all it took to get you out of the house. Wanda even convinced the principal to commission you to take yearbook photos.

Wanda thought you were the cutest thing to ever wander into the neighborhood. Though she denied it if anyone asked, the older woman had developed a slight crush on you. She was kind to you because she was kind to everybody, but not everyone could say that Wanda gave them homemade lunch every Wednesday. In fact, those Wednesday lunch boxes were the start of a real relationship between you and Wanda.

"Here you go, sweetheart! I made sure to add some extra Oreos in there!" Wanda was always extra bubbly on Wednesdays. She'd wait until the morning to actually pack your lunch so you'd have no choice but to sit down and warm up a bit before heading off to work. Having actual conversations and hearing your thoughts about the world was oddly relaxing for her. Any relaxation she got from that day's conversation was immediately thrown out the window when her hands brushed yours. "Your hands are as cold as ice! You're not sick are you?" Wanda carefully grabbed your hand and squeezed.

The extra touch made you jump out of your skin. "Oh! I'm fine, my heater sorta broke last night while I was sleeping. I'm working an extra shift tonight so I can get fixed, don't worry about me!!" You and Wanda had been friends for almost a year and you had yet to learn how she worked. Every time you told her not to worry, she would only worry about you more. "I got a heated blanket and a lot of pillows on my bed, I'll be fine for a few days!" A brave smile spread across your face with the hopes of getting Wanda to relax about your condition.

Wanda pressed the back of her hand against your forehead. Your temperature was fine and you seemed to only have the sniffles, but she wasn't going to leave you out to the wolves. "Fine, but let me make you some soup for lunch!" Before you could refuse, Wanda took the lunch box out of your hand and headed back towards the kitchen. "There's some pancakes leftover from breakfast this morning if you want and I'll make sure to make extra dinner tonight so you'll have something warm before bed."

Your heart nearly exploded out of your chest. Just taking lunch from her once a week made you feel guilty, you'd never live down having her feed you three times in one day. "No, that's not necessary! I'm sure what you made me today is enough," You said as you reached for the lunch box. "Plus, isn't tonight when Vision comes over? I'd hate to intrude or give the wrong impression!" You continued to make grabby hands until Wanda used her free hand to cup your face.

"I'm going to make you soup for lunch and you're going to eat breakfast while I do it. Then, I'm going to drop you off at work to make up for having to stay." With her careful grip on your face and confident tone of voice, you were hopeless against her. "Vision wants to commission you again anyways. You two can talk about that over dinner." She gave your cheeks an affectionate squeeze before letting you go.

Having Wanda talk to you like that had certainly awakened something in you, but you elected to mindlessly follow her orders rather than think too hard about your attraction to your neighbor. "I'm sorry, but I can't do any more photography right now…my lens got scratched up and I can't afford to replace it right now." Opening up to Wanda was a slippery slope. One minute you're lamenting about your struggles and the next she's draining her wallet just to help.

Wanda nodded along as she began to cook. "Ah, well he won't need it until early next year so there's enough time to get that in order! What type of camera do you use?" She felt bad about taking advantage of your misfortune, but it was the only way you'd accept a gift from her. "Oh, and there's some juice in the fridge if you want."

Had you not been busy eating, you would've noticed the trap Wanda had set up. "Oh well, I'll use any camera, but I mostly prefer digital cameras over anything." The feeling of a homecook meal filling your stomach was wonderful. "This breakfast is really good, thank you Ms.Maximoff!"

Wanda sighed as she put a glass of juice next to your plate. "I told you, Wanda is just fine. You make me feel like I already have grandkids."She playfully flicked your forehead before turning back to the stove. "Also, a broken camera won't get you out of dinner. It'll be ready as soon as you get off work!"

You let out a sigh of defeat but continued eating. "Okay, just promise not to go overboard because I'm gonna be there. You know how you get with guests."

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Wanda had decided to take step back after having you over for dinner. You spent days desperately coming up with ways to pay back her kindness. After enough pleading, the two of you settled on just having you entertain the boys while she went gift shopping. Though Wanda was hesitant to leave you with the boys and take up your weekend, she left anyways.

After being stuck in dreadfully long lines and the densest traffic she'd ever seen, Wanda didn't exactly have high hopes when she returned. Billy was calm on his own, but Tommy had a way of bringing his brother out of his shell and into his world of chaos. Which was to say she was rather surprised to see her sons resting peacefully on the couch with you sandwiched in between. "Oh, this is definitely a first."

You looked up from the tv and smiled. "Yeah, Tommy was a bit of rugrat. Turns out he really likes puzzles though, it's a really easy weakness to exploit." You carefully moved out from between the twins. "I can help bring the gifts in if you want. I don't know how long these two will stay asleep when they realize I'm gone."

Wanda didn't bother trying to refuse you. "I would really appreciate that. Just hide them in Vision's old study for me." She handed you off the first few bags she brought in the house. "Do you have any plans for Christmas?" It was a simple question, but one that made her unreasonably nervous. "I mean, you probably do, but if not there's always a seat at my table for you!" She batted her eyelash and flashed the prettiest smile she could. "Even if you just step in to say hi, it'll make me really happy."

Rather than answer her, you just kept bringing in bags. You couldn't tell her the truth. There weren't any Christmas plans and you would just spend the day cooped up in your house. Wanda wouldn't let you do that. "Welp, that's all the gifts! Hope you and kids have a nice winter break!"

Wanda grabbed your coat sleeve before you could walk out of the house. She pulled your back flush against her chest. "I'd really appreciate it if you showed up." Her hands slid to your front and zipped up your jacket. She considered giving you a kiss on the cheek, but the moment was ruined by her twins' disgust.

"Noo, don't let mom give you cooties!"

You burst out into laughter at Tommy's interjection. "There's no cootie giving here. I promise your mom doesn't like me that way." The words sounded neutral leaving your mouth, but they disappointed you. "I'm sure Ms — Wanda wants someone her own age and more capable." You giggled to lighten the mood. "Well, I'm off to work! Call me if you need help wrapping stuff!"

"Fine, but the offer still stands!"

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Christmas day had arrived and you were nowhere to be found. The whole neighborhood and their relatives had packed themselves into her house, but you were just a ghost.

"Wow Wands, I'm surprised you haven't been showing off that new plaything of yours yet." Agatha's teasing voice filled the air. "Their car's still parked. They can't have gone far."

Wanda frowned at Agatha's description of you. "They're not my plaything and even if they were, I wouldn't show them off like some dog." Deep down, she knew part of that wasn't true. She'd happily show you around like a new puppy if you'd let her, but you weren't hers to show off. Not yet at least. "I'll go check on them, but promise not to say anything weird if they come over." Wanda grabbed her coat and made her way to your front door. At first, she just looked around to see if you were there. Maybe you'd been picked up by someone else when she wasn't looking out her kitchen window and hoping you'd walk over to her house. The adorable sight of you sleepily hunched over your laptop was all the confirmation she needed.

The knock on your door startled you. You climbed off your kitchen countertop and opened the door. Wanda standing in front of your door with her arms crossed was not what you expected at all. "Oh, hey Wanda." You stood up straighter and fixed your clothes. "Is everything alright, do you need me to watch the boys?" It confused you when Wanda shook her head. You peeked over to her house and noticed all the cars lined up in front of her house. "Oh, your Hanukkah party! How's that going?"

Wanda could only sigh. "No dear, it's my Christmas party. You know, the one I invited you to last week?" She watched as your face fell. You looked like a kid that just got caught with their hand in a cookie jar. "You're not taking anything from anyone by coming. Just a few hours, that's all I want." Her heart nearly exploded watching you shift from side to side.

"Why are you so nice to me all the time? I'm just your neighbor." Being defensive when you had no excuse wasn't a good habit, but you'd rather die than have Wanda waste another ounce of her kindness on you. "I'll be fine. My heat is back on and I've got enough food. Just go have fun." You got ready to close the door only for Wanda to put her foot in the hinge.

"I'm nice to you because I like you." It was Wanda's turn to blush. Karma for all the times she'd left you a stuttering mess for her own amusement. "I understand if you're not interested, but every time I see you I just get the urge to take care of you. It makes me sad seeing you overwork yourself and huddle up in your house all day." She gripped your door frame hoping you'd be at least kind enough to reject her softly.

Your heart was beating a thousand miles a minute. None of the words swirling in your head made sense. You were overjoyed at Wanda's confession, but you didn't wanna seem like a nerd in front of her. "...I'll…I'll go to your party, just let me get washed up first." You slowly opened the door and let Wanda into your home. "Sit down if you'd like, I'll be showering upstairs."

While you showered and rehearsed your own confession, Wanda roamed your house. There wasn't much, but you cared for what you had. The video games were neatly stacked and organized, your couch and furniture had just been cleaned, and the fruit washed and ready to eat. "You really do a good job at keeping… What is that?" The compliments on your house care were cut off by Wanda's astonishment at the sweater you choose to wear.

You looked down at your sweater and smiled happily. "Oh, I got it from the store I work at. I didn't get to wear it last year so I'm bringing it out today…do you like it?" The graphic skeleton with a Santa hat, mug of hot liquid, and decorations in its chest cavity wasn't exactly what Wanda expected of your style, but it was cute on you regardless.

"I think it's very cute. Now let's go, people we ask questions if they don't see me after a while."

You grabbed Wanda's hand and tugged it before she reached the door. "I really like you too. I understand if you want to go slow because of the boys, but I'm willing to commit." The seriousness on your face was foreign. "I'll try not to be such a hermit!"

Wanda kissed your cheek and simply led you back to her house. It was obvious you had practiced your confession, but she could always tease you about it later. Thankfully, not many people noticed how long she was gone so you were able to sneak into the crowd without too many questions. Of course, nothing escaped Agatha's watchful eyes but Wanda shielded you from her invasive questions.

Christmas was the first time you had stayed until the end of an event. Sure you had the ulterior motives of making a good impression on Wanda, but you genuinely had fun and hadn't noticed the hours ticked by. Cleaning and putting the boys to bed took a while, but you were satisfied to see Wanda's house back to its original state.

"Here! I meant to give you this when you first came over, but you were too busy partying to notice." Wanda carefully placed a box down on the countertop and smiled. She giggled at your hesitation. "You're not gonna refuse a Christmas gift from your girlfriend, are you?"

The title made your face hot. "That's a low blow, especially for you!" You carefully pulled off the wrapping paper and lifted the lid. Your heart stopped once you saw what was inside. "Wanda, this is almost a thousand dollars worth of equipment! I can't accept this, I didn't get you anything."

While you mulled over a way to pay Wanda back, her mind began to wander. "I can think of a few ways you can pay me back," She whispered. Her hands cupped your face and pulled you in for a kiss. It was a lot deeper than the ones she imagined giving you before. "A few more of those and we'll be even. Yeah?"

"Yeah."

#panther's 12 days of christmas #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda fanfic #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda imagine #wanda maximoff imagine #milf!wanda

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bwabys-scenarios · 5 months

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Fixer Upper

Part 26

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

part 25

part 27

warning: Kurapika spies on reader while she masturabates, non-consensual picture taking(just her face, but putting this just in case)

taglist: @fabitheraven @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @lemonslut @homeinmydreams @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @monainanuttshell @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr @mama-m1na @nenggie @wicked-binch @jamayah @themanicwriter01

If you’d like to be ADDED to the tawglist, please comment a red heart ❤️, make sure you’re able to be tagged/mentioned, and have your age in your bio(IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE TAGLIST, YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK TO BE ADDED AGAIN!!)

The next few days passed by in a cold silence. Never had (Name)’s house felt so icy, so devoid of warmth. Each member of the household felt a chill in the air, not a single day passing by without the constant reminder that their typically kind and warm (Name) was holed up in her room, not talking to anyone.

“Do you think she’ll come out today?” Kurapika asked as he prepared breakfast. It was one of the only meals he knew how to cook after learning from (Name) during the Hunter Exam.

“If I had to look at your ugly face every day, I would stay up in my room too.”

Leorio glanced up from his newspaper. “That was pretty weak, Killua. You already have to see him every day.”

Killua sighed, Leorio was right. He had been struggling to come up with good insults lately. His spirits were down, and he missed his mom.

“… well, breakfast is ready.”

Kurapika had also been struggling to stay angry at the halfhearted taunts Killua sent his way. It was hard enough to wake up in the morning and get out of bed knowing the pain (Name) went through for him, because of him.

Soft footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs, and for the first time in nearly a week, the three perked up. Alluka was out visiting a friend, there was only one other person it could be.

“Mom!”

Killua jumped up, about to run towards her. That was until they all felt the temperature in the room go down a few degrees. At least, that’s what it felt like when they caught sight of her cold, neutral expression.

“Good morning.”

A good morning from (Name) had never felt so bad. She didn’t say anything further, simply pushing past Kurapika to make herself a bowl of cereal.

“I… I made breakfast,” Kurapika said in a soft voice. (Name) didn’t even look up from her bowl, taking a bite before walking out to sit at the farthest end of the kitchen table.

“I saw.”

An awkward silence filled the room, even Killua feeling sorry for Kurapika. (Name)’s anger didn’t burn as hot as the sun like Kurapika’s did. No, her anger was as cold as an unforgiving winter’s night. Ice might melt in the presence of flames, but even a scorching fire was no match for a blizzard.

“Are you… feeling okay?”

Leorio was the first to speak up, setting his newspaper aside to give (Name) a concerned look. She was silent for a moment longer.

“No, in all honesty, I’m not. I… don’t want to talk about it. We have more pressing matters.”

This seemed to catch the collective attention of the group. Kurapika and Killua took their seats at the table, eating breakfast as (Name) continued. “As some of you know, I have a fall celebration planned that I invited all of our friends to. It’s happening a little under two weeks, so I’ll need everyone to start getting preparations ready.”

Leorio nodded, taking out a pad of paper and a pen. “Alright, tell us what we need to do, sunshine.”

“First, the house needs to be cleaned, and I mean cleaned thoroughly.”

Killua glanced around the house, seeing it had deteriorated while (Name) was holed up in her room. “Yeah… it’ll need a thorough cleaning.”

Kurapika mostly stayed quiet, eating his breakfast as (Name) explained their plans. He didn’t want to upset her after everything.

(Name) sighed softly, finishing her cereal. “It’s going to be a tough two weeks, but it’ll… be worth it to have fun with everyone. I… haven’t spent the holiday season with all of my friends before.”

This made Kurapika frown. He had left York New two years ago right before the holiday season. (Name) had texted him before he ghosted her that she was extremely excited to spend Halloween, the fall season, and Christmas with him. He hadn’t even stopped to think about how she felt being alone during the holidays.

“Thankfully I’ve had Leorio, and then Killua and Gon last year. Otherwise… I would have been all alone.”

Kurapika flinched, shrinking into himself. He was the only one that hadn’t spent any sort of holiday besides Halloween with her, and he was determined to change that. “… I’m taking some time off of work and… my mission. I’ll be here for the party and Christmas.”

This shocked everyone, especially (Name). She finally looked at him for the first time that morning, her eyes a little wide. “Oh… that’s… that’s nice.”

The air seemed to go up a few degrees. It was still cold, but not as chilly as before. Everyone relaxed, Killua leaning against (Name)’s shoulder.

—————

A few days passed with the group getting ready for their fall gathering. Leorio and Killua were on cleaning duty, while Kurapika, Alluka, and (Name) would be working on getting the grocery list and food preparation.

“Mama, mama!”

Nanika pulled at (Name)’s skirt, her smile wide. “Hmm? What is it sweetheart?”

She giggled, hiding her face in (Name)’s chest. “I’m excited! Want to bake cookies!”

(Name) scooped her up, balancing her on her hip as she pulled out some flour. “Mmm, I was planning on making cookies for our gathering, might as well practice, yeah?”

Nanika cheered, clapping as (Name) gathered all of the ingredients for their cookies. She glanced at a cab of peaches sitting in the corner of her cabinet, thinking back to Kurapika saying he would be staying for the holiday season, even taking a break from his mission to spend time with them.

‘… he’s trying, I’ll… I’ll make him some peach cobbler.’

Earlier that day, Kurapika had locked himself up in his room. (Name) had assumed he was either not feeling well or just tired from all the preparations they’d been making. He deserved a break, and she wanted to do something nice for him. Kurapika had been trying his best to be helpful, even if he often failed miserably.

(Name) made cookies with Nanika and worked on the peach cobbler. She sat the girl down with a few freshly baked cookies and a cup of milk, Killua sneaking a few before settling on the couch with his sister to watch a movie as (Name) finished up some baking.

Once the peach cobbler was done, (Name) waited for it to cool down to a warm temperature before placing some and a scoop of ice cream in a bowl. ‘He loves cobbler, Kurapika will be so happy!’

There was no light shining from underneath his door, and when she knocked there was no answer. ‘That’s… unusual. Is he not home? I didn’t see him leave.’

(Name) wasn’t the type to walk into Kurapika’s room unannounced(she didn’t want to embarrass him by catching masturbating or crying), but… she was a little worried. So, despite her hesitance, she opened the door and peeked in.

“Kurapika?”

The blonde was kneeling by his nightstand, which had been turned into a makeshift altar. Candles, flowers, and a bowl of fruit decorated the small table, with the newest pairs of the scarlet eyes (Name) got sat in the center.

Kurapika had his eyes closed in prayer when she walked in. He looked up, anger flashing across his face. “Are you trying to be disrespectful? Today’s the only day I can feel connected… to my clan! Get out!”

She flinched when he yelled, setting the peach cobbler on his dresser. “S-sorry, I… I didn’t know this day was… sacred.”

(Name) closed the door, hurrying away as fast as she could.

Kurapika took a minute to calm down, looking up to see the peach cobbler (Name) brought him. In his anger, he hadn’t even thought to ask her why she walked in, or considered that there was no way she would know about a Kurta only holiday.

He grabbed the peach cobbler, his stomach sinking when he saw she had shaped it into a heart. She was trying to make things better, to treat him to his favorite dessert after not seeing him all day. Kurapika placed the peach cobbler on the altar, sighing softly.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at her…mom, that’s the girl I like. She’s been nothing but kind to me, and I don’t know how she puts up with me. I also think if she were here right now, she’d offer you something to eat. I hope you guys like it.”

He kneeled back down, brushed off his tabard and held his hands together in prayer.

————————

It seemed like everything was going well. It was a few days before the celebration when Kurapika’s and Leorio’s phones beeped at the same time.

They had been taking a break, watching a movie while (Name) finished up cooking dinner. Leorio was the first to look at his phone, his shoulders slumping.

“Shit, this is the worst time for that…” Leorio mumbled, causing Kurapika to look at his phone too.

Chairwomen Cheadle: There will be a mandatory Zodiac meeting at 8 pm tonight. Apologies for the short notice, anyone out of town will be allowed to attend virtually. Anyone close by are asked to show up physically.

(Name) peeked into the living room when she heard the two groan. “What are you two whining about?”

Leorio handed her his phone. “Zodiac meeting, and it’s in an hour.”

(Name) tilted her head, handing his phone back. “Oh? What’s wrong with that? The meeting is taking place in town, so you won’t need to do anything but show up.”

Kurapika, who still felt bad for yelling at her the previous day, looked up. “It’s not attendance that’s the problem, it’s… the people. They can be… how do I put this?”

“Annoying?”

“Yes, very.”

(Name) smiled as she kissed them both on the cheek. “Well, you two better get ready. You’ll have just enough time to eat dinner before leaving.”

The two turned a bright pink before they jumped up to go get ready.

After a quick dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread, the two set off for the zodiac meeting. It was taking place in the same hotel Pariston used for the Halloween party.

Kurapika stepped out of the mom van and made sure his suit jacket was on straight before walking into the building. Leorio glanced back at the mom van, locked it, then followed behind.

There were only five other zodiacs present at the table, with a projector showing the faces of the other members.

The ones present were Cheadle, Gel, Pyon, Mizaistom Nana, and Kanzai. “Since everyone is now present, the meeting can begin.”

Cheadle took her seat at the head of the table, everyone else sitting when she did. The room went quiet as Cheadle organized a stack of papers. She handed the stack to Pyon. “Take one and pass it on.”

The stack went around the table, finally making it to Leorio, who paused. “… what the…”

Kurapika raised an eyebrow, glancing at Leorio. He was next to the dark haired man, so he hadn’t gotten to see the picture yet.

“What’s the meaning of this!? Why are you passing around a picture of (Name) with her personal information!?”

Kurapika’s eyes widened at Leorio’s words, the blonde quickly snatching the paper out of Leorio’s hand.

On the paper was a picture of (Name), information about her height, weight, family history, and current living situation written out below it. His now scarlet eyes scanned over the text before he looked up.

“What does (Name) have to do with this meeting? Answer me, Cheadle.”

His aura spiked as he stood up, causing a few of the other members of the Zodiac to stand up as well. Cheadle was quick to hold up her hand, signaling everything was okay. This calmed down the other members enough for them and Kurapika to sit down.

“As some of you may know, (Name) (Last Name) has been the radar of the Hunter Association since the Chimera Ant incident that caused her new nen ability to form.”

Kurapika shot a glare at Leorio, his eyes saying he’d have questions after the meeting. “She’s on our radar? That sure is news to me.”

“Me too, why wasn’t I told?” Leorio asked after Kurapika. Cheadle sighed, holding up the image of (Name).

“Neither of you were told because for one you are new members, and secondly you both have personal ties to the subject.”

Kurapika scowled, crumpling the paper in his hand. “That is precisely why we should have been informed. Both of us know (Name) well, what reason would you have to keep her under surveillance?”

“It’s not surveillance. There are no cameras in her home or people following her, she just has to check in regularly to be screened to make sure she hasn’t used… her ability. That is the reason she is on our radar.”

Kurapika knew she was able to speed up the growth rate of cells to destroy human tissue, but he couldn’t see why that was worthy of keeping her on their radar. “You let Hisoka run free, but (Name) is the one you’re keeping an eye on? Not the murderous pedophilic clown!?”

Cheadle groaned. “Listen, after the Chimera Ant incident, she-“

Cheadle glanced at Leorio, who was shaking his head ever so slightly. “After she… was found, the area around her was completely barren. The concrete, organic matter, and dirt was disintegrated into ash. Her ability can be incredibly dangerous and devastating if left unchecked. Just one attack was able to leave an area completely barren, imagine what she could do on a larger scale.”

Kurapika was silent for a moment. Leorio crumpled up his paper and threw it in the trash. “Larger scale? When has she ever given you the idea that she would use that power again like that?”

Mizaistom cleared his throat, placing his own paper down on the table. “Very recently, Miss (Name) used her ability again during a mission with Kurapika Kurta, the rat zodiac. That went directly against her orders from the forner rat zodiac and former Chairman Pariston. Although her order from him was null and void when he left his position, her defying it is indeed worrying.”

“Yes, it would be bad if our little (Name) went rogue, wouldn’t it?”

Everyone looked up to see Pariston standing in the doorway, a smirk on his face. Kurapika was held back from rushing over by Leorio’s hand on his shoulder. He inhaled deeply, staring at Pariston from his seat, taking a moment before speaking.

“(Name) would never hurt an innocent person, she’s…”

There was a softness in Kurapika’s expression that none of the Zodiacs had ever seen with him. “She’s the kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever encountered. I thought I lost hope in humanity after the atrocities I’ve encountered while searching for the scarlet eyes, but (Name) has shown me what true kindness is. To say she would hurt someone is blasphemous, and I won’t sit here and take you saying those things about the woman I-“

He stopped, a blush taking over his cheeks as silence filled the room. Pariston smirked, leaning against the wall. “And there’s the truth, Kurapika. You’re in love with this woman, aren’t you?”

Kurapika cleared his throat, folding his arms over his chest as he looked away. “That is irrelevant to the conversation.”

“I think it is more than relevant, Kurapika. How can we trust that your judgment isn’t biased when you’re in love with that woman?” Saiyu said through the projection screen.

“You can either trust my judgment or I can leave the Zodiac.”

This shocked even Leorio, who laughed nervously. “He’s just saying that, you know how irrational he can be when he’s-“

“Oh no I mean it. I’ll burn the entire association down if they even THINK about hurting (Name).”

Kanzai stood, narrowing his eyes. “Are you threatening us? I won’t let you do that!”

“That’s enough.”

Cheadle glanced at Kanzai, signaling him to sit back down. He did so with a grumble, keeping an eye on Kurapika.

“Kurapika, no one is going to hurt (Name). I gathered you here to inform you all that she agreed to reinstating her vow to not use her ability.”

Kurapika’s eyes widened, and he relaxed into his seat. “She didn’t tell me about that…”

“She doesn’t tell you a lot of things, Kurapika.” Pariston said, taking his seat across from the blonde.

Kurapika growled, clenching his fist at his side, his foot tapping away. Leorio patted his shoulder, taking out his phone and showing Kurapika a picture of (Name) snuggled up wearing a Christmas themed onesie with little reindeer ears on the hood.

Not only did this calm him down, it also made him blush, a soft smile on his face as he stared at Leorio’s phone. “Thanks, Leorio. That… that really helped.”

The rest of the meeting went as smoothly as it could, and the two got ready to leave. They were stopped by Pariston, who was still sat at the table.

“You hesitated a bit back there, Kurapika. What’s our girl been up to lately?”

Kurapika felt his eyes go scarlet, his blood pressure rising as he whipped his head around. “Not ‘our’ girl, my girl.”

Pariston only smiled, folding his hands under his chin. “You’re dodging the question, Kurta. What has she been up to that has you so worked up?”

“Nothing, besides working her ass off to make sure this fall gathering goes off without a hitch. You think she could hurt someone? She’s made sure to meticulously plan out every dish so that none of them has nuts them because ONE kid that’s attending has an allergy! Tell me, how the fuck is a woman as kind as her-“

Leorio covered his mouth, sighing. “We’ll be leaving.”

Pariston sighed, waving them away with his hand. He watched the pair leave, laughing to himself as the other zodiac members present glanced between him and Cheadle.

“Pariston… what are you planning?”

The blonde smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Something entertaining.”

——————

It was late when they got home, nearly 10. The kids were in bed by then, and (Name) was nowhere to be seen. Leorio tugged off his suit jacket and pants before collapsing on the couch in his boxers and dress shirt. Kurapika glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “Are you just going to sleep like that in the living room? That’s impolite to Alluka and (Name).”

Leorio groaned and waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah yeah, whatever. They won’t care, and besides I have to be out of here before 7 to run by my apartment and grab my homework before classes. Alluka doesn’t wake up until 9, and (Name) has seen my dick.”

Kurapika turned bright red before smacking Leorio over the head. “Hey, what was that for?”

The blonde huffed, turning on his heels to climb up the staircase. “Hmph.”

He wanted to give Leorio another good whack, but decided going to talk to (Name) was a bit more important. Kurapika was going to ask her for more information on the Chimera Ant incident, and why everyone was being so secretive about it.

He was going to do that, until he saw that her door was slightly ajar, and could hear soft pants and moans coming from inside.

A tent rose up in his pants, his breath hitching as he stood still, just inches away from her door. ‘Is… is she..?’

He took a deep breath before peeking through the crack in the door, blinking a few times before his eyes focused on (Name)’s figure.

Her face was in the pillow, her ass in the air and pussy on full display. This was the first time he had ever seen her pussy, and Kurapika felt his cock leak through his boxers, getting his pants sticky with precum.

Her pussy was perfect, looking soft and chubby, just like her. Kurapika watched her spread her plump pussy lips, her index finger rubbing circles into her clit. Before he knew it he was leaning against the doorway, desperately fisting his cock to the heavenly sight before him.

She looked way too cute with her chubby cheek squished against the pillow, her eyes half lidded and lips glossy from drool. Little pants and whines left her lips as her fingers wandered to her entrance.

Kurapika stifled a moan when he watched her stuff her fingers into her pussy, having to cover his mouth with one hand as he jerked off with the other.

‘So pretty… god (Name) I want you so fucking bad…’

As he pumped his cock, he remembered the way she jerked him off just nearly two weeks ago. Kurapika wondered if he could just… walk in and… help her out.

Then another memory surfaced in his head, the image of her face when he wouldn’t tell her how he really felt about her. This was enough to make him go soft, his eyes flickering from her dripping pussy to her face.

She was crying.

There were tears in the corners of her eyes, a tremble to her lips. Her fingers moved faster as she sniffled and moaned.

Was she upset? Sad? He didn’t know, but he did know that her tears made his heart ache. She didn’t cry when he made her cum, was there some reason for this?

He was going to leave and let her have her privacy. After all, she feared he may only want her to fulfill his own sexual fantasies, and jerking off to her while she was obviously upset wouldn’t really help his case.

Kurapika began to step back when he heard something that had his cock getting so hard it pressed against his tummy.

“Pika… please… w-want you…”

He felt his heart race, all the blood in his body rushing to his dick. ‘She’s… she’s thinking of me while…’

He stroked his cock to the pretty sight, trying so hard to pace himself so he could cum with her, but it got hard when he watched her fuck herself with her fingers while whimpering his name.

He came, panting softly as he watched her orgasm wash over her, cum dripping down her thighs. More than anything, he wanted to walk in and clean up those plump thighs with his tongue, but Kurapika stopped himself.

Instead, he took one last glance at her sweet, pleasured face before pulling out his phone. He bit his lip as he took a quick picture of her soft face, making sure not to get her nude body in the shot, no matter how much he wanted it.

Her face was enough to get him rock hard again, the blonde barely making it to his room before his hand was shoved in his pants again, jerking off to her o-face.

(Name) moaning his name confirmed in his mind that she was attracted to him and wanted him. Kurapika couldn’t help but feel guilty, almost giggling in delight like a girl with a crush when he thought back to it. ‘She wants me…’

————————

Over the next two days, Kurapika became rather clingy with (Name), following her around like a lost, lovesick puppy.

“Kurapika.”

“Yes, angel?”

“… get out, I’m trying to pee.”

Kurapika stood at the doorway of the bathroom, tilting his head. “Oh, go ahead. Don’t mind me.”

“I most certainly WILL mind you! Out!”

He pouted, crossing his arms. “Why? I just-“

“Kurapika Kurta I can’t pee with you watching me! Go!”

(Name) threw a bottle of shampoo at him, causing the blonde to rush out of the door and close it behind him. ‘Geez, what has gotten into him? He’s been clinging to me like a needy child. Even Killua wasn’t this bad… when…’

She sighed, washing her hands. ‘Oh, Killua…’

Kurapika was waiting outside the bathroom, watching her. “Took you long enough. Now come on, I want some-“

(Name) pinched his cheek, huffing. “No, I need to cook. You’ve been so clingy lately, what’s up with you?”

His cheeks turned pink, but he didn’t move away from her. “I…”

Kurapika didn’t want to admit he overheard her moaning his name, because then he would have to explain himself more, and might tell her more than he wanted to. He didn’t like lying, so might as well not say anything. “… sorry. I’ll help with the cooking, if that’s alright with you.”

(Name) smiled, taking his hand. “That’s perfectly fine, Pika. I need all the help I can get.”

He let her lead him downstairs, his eyes soft. Every time her skin touched his, Kurapika could feel his heart pound behind his ribs. “(Name)… I-“

“Oh look it’s the blonde twink. Have you finished following my mom like a mutt in heat and decided to actually help out?”

Kurapika’s eyebrow twitched, a scowl taking over his face. (Name) glanced at Kurapika, trying to hold back an amused smile. “Oh stop it Killua, he’s just attached to me. Much like a little puppy.”

Kurapika huffed, pulling his arm away before crossing them both over his chest. “I just… wanted to make sure you’re alright. You… you were hurt during our mission.”

“Yeah, but that was nearly three weeks ago, Kurapika.” (Name) said, giving him a knowing smile. “You just like being around me~”

The blonde turned a bright red, even the tips of his ears going pink. “Y-you say that like it’s a bad thing. Of course… I like being around you. You’re…”

He trailed off, clearing his throat. “Anyways, what can I do to help?”

(Name) could feel her own face grown warm, but shook off the fuzzy feeling taking over her body to answer Kurapika’s question. “You’ll be making the macaroni! It’s very easy, so-“

“Pause.”

Kurapika and (Name) looked to Killua, who held up his hands. “Mom, do you really trust a blonde to get your famous macaroni right? The only thing he knows how to cook is pancakes, eggs, and bacon, he’s a one trick pony!”

(Name) waved her hand dismissively, shooing Killua out of the kitchen. “Shoo, your negative energy will ruin the food.”

Killua pouted, but walked out of the kitchen. “Don’t come crying to me when he messes everything up…’

(Name) turned to Kurapika, the blonde’s heart nearly slipping a beat when you smiled at him sweetly. “Come on, let’s get started.”

She gave him a quick run down of her recipe, writing down the details. “Okay, don’t overcook the noodles. I’ll be back in a few minutes, I need to go pick up Alluka from her date with her little girlfriend.”

(Name) paused for a moment, glancing at Kurapika before standing on her tippy toes and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Good luck, I believe in you.”

Before she could pull away, Kurapika turned and held onto her neck, keeping her in place as he leaned down to kiss her lips. “Thank you, (Name). I won’t let you down.”

Her face was hot, her eyes shining as they stared into his. “Kurapika…”

“It’s Pika, (Name),” he said softly, going back in for another kiss. Before he could slip his tongue into her mouth, she pushed him back, letting out a soft sigh.

“I’ve… got to go, Alluka is waiting.”

Kurapika nodded, pushing a piece of her hair out of her face. “Go ahead, I’ll be here.”

He smiled as he watched her leave, feeling giddy. Now that he knew she wanted him, his confidence had gone up a bit, allowing him to be more affectionate with her without fear.

‘Mmm…’

He licked his lip, his cheeks flushing when he tasted her strawberry flavored chapstick. Kurapika began to boil the macaroni, his head in the clouds. Everything felt so… warm and fuzzy. Was this what being in love was like? Kurapika wanted to bathe in this feeling, he had finally made up his mind.

He wanted to be with (Name).

No matter how he tried to separate himself from her, he was always drawn back, as if they were magnets meant to connect and stick by each other’s side.

‘And I can’t leave her, now that I know the Hunter Association is keeping an eye on her…’

It filled Kurapika with rage to know they believed (Name) was capable of causing destruction on a massive scale. The girl had a crisis over killing a man that was objectively awful, to think she could hurt an innocent was beyond comprehension for the Kurta.

Before, he wanted to leave to keep her safe, but now he knew even if he left, she would never truly be free from danger. The only thing he could do was stay by her side, protecting his angel to his best ability. He would die if it meant she would continue to live a happy, carefree life.

‘But…’

He bit his lip, watching the water on the stove boil. ‘My mission… I have to finish it first. I’ll hunt down the phantom troupe, then…’

He blushed, pouring the noodles into the water.

‘Then she’ll be mine.’

——————

“You seem to be in a good mood, big sis,” Alluka said, watching (Name) from the backseat. (Name) laughed, turning into the driveway.

“Yeah… I guess I am in a good mood.”

She felt happy for the first time since she killed that man, her heart fluttering at the memory of Kurapika’s lips on hers. The kiss had been so tender, full of a feeling that (Name) hoped was love. Maybe, just maybe, the two actually had something between them. She really hoped so, (Name) had never seen Kurapika look at anyone but her that way.

All of these fuzzy feelings were squashed when she walked into the kitchen to see Kurapika staring at a pot of… macaroni? At least she thought it was, but the noodles were over cooked and soggy, while the cheese was dry. “Kurapika…”

The blonde glanced at her, looking like a kicked puppy. “I… I really tried my best, (Name).”

She didn’t have it in her to stay mad at him, instead giving him a small smile. “Well, it was your first time making my recipe, don’t beat yourself up-“

“Mom, why does the mac and cheese taste like someone without a soul made it?”

They looked to see Killua spitting the bite of macaroni he ate into the trash. “How the FUCK did you make it so dry but overcook the noodles to the point they’re slimy?”

Kurapika grimaced, Alluka peeking at the macaroni. When she attempted to try a bite, Killua lifted it out of her reach and placed in where she couldn’t reach. “Don’t eat that, Alluka. It’ll hurt your tummy.”

(Name) rubbed her temple. “Killua, come on. It’s his first time making it.”

“Mom, if Gon did this I would understand, but Kurapika is only a year apart from you, and you can cook almost anything.”

“Baby, people have different things they’re good at and you know I already told you-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know. ‘People grow and learn at different rates’ or whatever…”

(Name) smiled, pinching his cheek. “Exactly. You’re never too old to learn something new or make a change. Never.”

Killua nodded slowly, before lightly swatting her hand away. “Come on Alluka, let’s go get my room ready for Gon.”

Kurapika watched with a fond look in his eyes as the two ran off, (Name) turning back to give him a patient smile. “Okay, let’s see the macaroni.”

She hummed as she looked over it. “Well… it’s not… awful. I’ll put it in the fridge and maybe we can salvage it later! For now…”

(Name) pulled out a container and a pie dish, setting it on the table. She pulled off the lid, the smell of cherries filling the air. “It’s cherry filling. All you have to do is poke some holes into the crust and pour this in, then bake for 45 minutes.”

She glanced at her phone. “I have to pick up Gon then go grocery shopping with Leorio. Oh, let me write down the directions so you-“

“(Name), stop. I’m not five. You can count on me for this, just take care of the groceries with Leorio,” Kurapika said, grabbing a knife to begin poking the the pie crust. She quickly replaced it with a fork, showing him how it was done.

“You poke it with a fork, silly.”

He blushed as she guided his hand, his heart thumping against his chest. “Like that, see?”

“Y-yeah, I’ve got it. Go on, angel, I don’t want you to be late.”

She gave him a nod and a gently squeeze to his hand before walking out. Kurapika sat at the table, poking holes into the pie crust as he thought about the meeting with the Zodiacs. He was supposed to ask her about why she was under watch, but he got a little… distracted.

‘What happened during the Chimera Ant incident? I bet that’s why… Killua gets those nightmares. Something bad happened, I just don’t know what yet.’

It made him anxious not knowing what could have happened to (Name) while he was away. If he was correct, Kurapika remembered having a small service and ignoring Leorio’s phone calls during that time.

‘I know some of them were for Gon, but I temper seeing (Name)’s name mentioned… the he deleted the message…’

Kurapika put the pie in the oven, sighed as he leaned against the wall. ‘Well, some of our friends and allies are coming over, maybe at least one of them will be willing to share some information with me.’

He looked at the fridge, his cheeks turning a little pink. “I wonder…”

Kurapika’s eyes scanned over the list of dishes (Name) planned on making, focusing on the dessert part. His face turned bright red when he spotted his favorite, peach cobbler with a little note beside it.

‘For my Pika <3’

She always managed to make his heart race with how thoughtful and kind she was, and now more than ever it angered him to to think of someone hurting her or thinking ill of her.

He glanced at the timer on the oven. ‘45 minutes…’

Kurapika jumped when he felt someone grab his sleeve. “Kurapika? Where’s mama?”

It was Nanika, her void like eyes staring up at him. When she was out, she would offen cling to (Name) like a child would their mother. “Oh, (Name) isn’t home right now, she-“

“M-mama isn’t home?”

Her lip quivered, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “B-but… but…”

Kurapika froze, not knowing what to do. The poor girl was clinging to his tabard, crying. “Hey, hey now, shh…”

He tried to remember what (Name) would do to cheek her up. “Nanika, it’s okay. She won’t take long, I promise.”

He gently patted her head, his fingers running through her hair in a soothing manner, much like (Name) did for the other kids when they were upset. Nanika sniffled, but began to calm down, rubbing at her eyes sleepily.

“I think you need a nap, kiddo. Alluka stayed up late last night picking out her outfit for her date.”

He picked her up, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, and brought her to the spare room, laying her down before tucking her into bed.

“Get some rest, kiddo. If you need something I’ll be in the kitchen, okay?”

Kurapika smiled down at her, feeling very soft. She was already falling asleep, her eyelids drooping. Kurapika left the room, turning the light off on his way out and leaving the door cracked.

Killua was waiting for him in the hallway, looking less hostile than usual. “She wouldn’t listen to me, and kept looking for mom. Thanks… for getting her to sleep. She can get a bit fussy when she hasn’t slept well.”

Kurapika gave him a nod before being distracted from his job again with the ring of the doorbell. “Did… (Name) say anyone was showing up so early? The get together is tomorrow…”

Killua thought for a moment then grimaced. “Oh, yeah. That’s probably Menchi.”

They both scowled, the blonde letting out an annoyed sigh before opening the door. Menchi stood behind it, wearing an ochre colored sweater, with jeans. It was a far cry from her outfit during the exam, Kurapika wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her in anything normal.

“Where’s (Name)?”

She seemed to look at Kurapika with a look of distaste, like she was just served a dish with bits of cat litter in it. The blonde tried to keep a small smile on his face. “She isn’t here at the moment, she-“

Menchi pushed her way in and immediately headed towards the kitchen. “Who the hell is burning a cherry pie!?”

Kurapika’s eyes went. He sprinted into the kitchen, his eyes wide as he glanced at the clock then the plume of smoke pouring out of the opened oven. Menchi pulled out the pie and opened the kitchen door to fan the smoke out, coughing.

“I don’t understand, I did everything (Name) told me to! I set the oven to 350, then the timer to 45 minutes-“

Menchi raised an eyebrow. “Uh… the oven is at 450, not 350.”

Kurapika’s eyes went wide before he groaned and sat down to hold his head in his hands. “Fuck… the macaroni then this, what’s wrong with me?”

Menchi stared at the charred pie, sighing. “This poor, poor pie. I assume (Name) made the filling. What a waste.”

She pulled some rolling pins out of nowhere. “No matter, I’ll get to work. You’re banned from the kitchen, blondie.”

He didn’t argue, just standing up and shuffling to his room.

———————

Gon walked around, giving everyone hugs and saying hi to Menchi before he stopped. “Hmm? Where’s Kurapika?”

(Name) shrugged, hanging up her coat. “I’m not sure, but Killua said he burned the pie earlier.”

She sighed and rubbed her temple. “It was an honest mistake, but it’s still a little frustrating to be down two dishes now.”

Gon nodded, patting her shoulder. “I’ll go talk to him! Maybe we can work something out!”

“Yeah, you go do that. I have to make sure Menchi doesn’t get off track with the food again.”

Gon walked up the stairs and knocked on Kurapika's door. "Kurapika, it's Gon! I just got here.”

The door cracked open, the blonde looking a bit downtrodden. “Oh, Gon… happy holidays. How… are you doing?”

He hummed, walking into Kurapika’s room. “I’m doing alright, but how are you? I heard… you had some problems in the kitchen.”

Kurapika nodded, rubbing his arm awkwardly. “Yeah, I just… I got distracted and I messed up… and…”

Gon held up his hand. “Everyone messes up sometimes! What matters is trying to fix the mistake you made!”

Kurapika gave him a soft smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. You always know what to say, Gon.”

The boy grinned. “How about this, we’ll wait for Menchi to leave, then we’ll try and salvage that macaroni and cheese!”

The two spent the next hour really catching up. Kurapika had been hesitant to get too close to his friends again, but now that he knew he was sticking around, he wanted more than anything to be close with them again. It felt like he had become so distant from the people he cared for most, so it felt nice to be all caught up with what they had been doing.

“And you’re gonna ask (Name) on a date- Mmph!”

Kurapika covered Gon’s mouth as his face erupted into a blush. “Shh, she could hear you!”

Gon nodded as Kurapika pulled his hand away, now whispering. “I think she’ll say yes, you two have always been so close. When you were gone, she looked at your picture in the living room a lot.”

The blonde turned bright red, clearing his throat. “Is that so?”

Gon stood, peeking out the door. “Mhm. Now come on, Menchi just left!”

Kurapika followed Gon down to the kitchen and took out the macaroni. “You followed the directions on the box, right?” Gon asked as he looked at the soggy noodles and dry cheese.

Kurapika huffed, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Of course, why wouldn’t I? Boil for eight minutes, remove from- hey!”

Gon began to scrape off some of the cheese. “If we take off some of the cheese, we can mix some fresh cheese in and add some extra milk and seasonings!”

Kurapika relaxed, smiling. “Ah, I forgot, you said you knew how to make macaroni and cheese during the Hunter Exam, didn’t you?”

Gon nodded proudly, setting the macaroni and cheese aside. “Now, let’s shred some cheese and get some bread crumbs!”

Though the noodles were still soggy after they were done, the macaroni and cheese looked a lot better and smelled decent. Kurapika couldn’t help but feel a little proud.

“Oh boys, something is smelling great in here!”

(Name) walked in, putting away her phone. She had snapped a picture of the scene before announcing her presence. ‘That’s going in the Christmas card.’

Kurapika blushed as she swiped a bit of the macaroni and cheese, fiddling with his tabard. “Kurapika, Gon, this tastes great! This is definitely going on the table, along with my macaroni and cheese.”

Gon cheered, and Kurapika sighed in relief. “Now, you two come to the table and eat your dinner. It’s burgers tonight.”

Everyone gathered at the table to eat dinner, smiling and laughing. They were all full of excitement for the next day, though none of them were prepared for the chaos that would ensue.

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homielander · 2 months

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the most interesting character detail about maeve through which i have extrapolated at least half my understanding of her is that she prefers to be called maeve. i frequently see "maggie" pop up in meta and fic as her chosen name, but quite literally nobody calls her that, including (and most significantly) elena. elena is maeve's tether to her humanity and her refuge away from vought, yet even elena only ever refers to her as maeve. (and in season 2, we learn that maeve started dating elena before she joined the seven -- before queen maeve's popularity would have become so inescapable that she would feel compelled to introduce herself by that name.) it's especially notable that in her final scene, maeve refers to starlight as annie for only the second time, but she is still called maeve by both annie and elena.

here's what we know about maeve's life as maggie: she had a rocky relationship with her father whom she doesn't seem to speak to anymore, she's from a "cousin-fucker hick town" as described by homelander -- i can't imagine this place being terribly lgbt-friendly, and she generally lacks connection with anyone she would have known before becoming queen maeve. she doesn't have fond memories of this time of her life, and perhaps that extends to all associations with it, including the name maggie.

i tend to think that becoming queen maeve was, in many ways, self-actualizing for her. the act that garners her national attention and earns her a ticket to vought is a heroic one -- she breaks every single bone in her right arm to save a school bus from falling off a bridge. and i know madelyn says she is responsible for the mythos of queen maeve, but this character was still aspirational, and likely someone maeve wanted to live up to. in any case, this new identity gave her a purpose and tools to achieve it: she wanted to help people! by her own admission, maeve enters vought bright-eyed and hopeful, not far off from annie. (maeve is also one of the only supes in the seven not to know about compound v -- she doesn't strike me as religious but believing she's among the very few born with powers would have strengthened her internal drive to be a hero.)

it's for the same reason that i think maeve actually... liked having powers? of course she says otherwise in her last season, but season 3 maeve is cynical and weary from about two decades of dealing with vought and homelander's abuse. they've used her first as the token woman and then the token gay person of the seven. after growing largely passive to the brutality of the job, the flight 37 incident forces her to confront all of the violence she's witnessed and tolerated. she's given pieces of herself away and she loathes the husk of herself that's left. i don't find it surprising that she would want to relinquish every single connection to vought, including her powers.

assuring herself that she will be better off without her powers comes with an added benefit: she gets to distinguish herself from homelander, who would be lost without his powers. and i think she is eager to make this distinction in her mind because there are some uncomfortable similarities between their initiations into vought. the mantle of homelander allows him to exert agency for the first time in his life, just as the mantle of queen maeve endows her with purpose for the first time in hers. (crucially, none of his current circle call him john, either.) they both enjoy being the most powerful superheroes in the world, the unending public adoration, and (in my interpretation) each other. they're also both overwhelmingly lonely and they know it -- homelander teases her multiple times about how she has no friends with a bit more bite in every passing season, while maeve is keenly aware of his isolation and exploits his yearning for love pretty effectively.

maeve steadily grows disillusioned with her position at vought because she still has a moral code, suppressed though it may be. even so, she nearly relents to homelander's vision: that they will be lonely at the top but lonely together. she's pulled out of her miserable state of inaction by annie and elena. annie reminds her of what a hero should be (what she was, once); elena offers her a way out of vought, serving as maeve's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

she escapes that tower as maeve, not maggie. she rejects homelander's god complex which engenders his cruelty towards regular people and 'lesser' supes -- no one will call her queen maeve ever again, at least -- but it is still important to her to be a hero, and for better or for worse, she found that as maeve. i feel like she'd struggle to exist without her powers (possibly the self-awareness hasn't settled in yet) for all the reasons mentioned above. i like to think that eventually, she'll circle around to helping people and resisting vought however possible -- albeit on a smaller, more covert scale so she can continue living a peaceful life with elena.

#sorry for this word vomit i have just been thinking about maeve! what's in a name...#motivated by 2 years of reading takes about maeve wanting to be a normie (during s1-3 and prior) that i don't rly agree with #i'm not offering this as the 'right' interpretation of course this is just what makes sense for me!!#i have a couple of things i wanted to add (particularly re: maeve x HL since i know how consensual their relationship was #is controversial and i feel a bit weird slipping in that characterization of it w/o any follow-up)#but for now i am just going to say it fits with how i perceive her character trajectory and leave it there??#because i don't want to disrupt this post my thoughts on that #i also have mixed feelings on her ending but again not the post for it i suppose #queen maeve #the boys #maeve x elena #maeve x homelander #annie x maeve #supe names in this show are interesting... curious to see what they will do w annie next season

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notmanagingmymischief · 1 year

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𝐿.𝒲. || 𝒮𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒶 𝒯𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝑀𝑒

it has been SO LONG but I couldn’t let Christmas pass without feeding you people. so here. have some soft-ish Larissa. You’re welcome, Merry Christmas to all that celebrate. 🎄🥰

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3.4K

@president-teddy @holly-fire @consciouschunkofmoss @mxbeezkneez @fxoehy @inlovewithbilliedean @sythaerin @winters-witch-bitch @takemercyonme @when-i-miss-you @jojalie @ahoy-gays @marvelgeek09 @pachipachitot @smthaboutyou

enjoy xx

Santa, tell me if you’re really there, don’t make me fall in love again if she won’t be here next year.

The first time you spent Christmas at Nevermore wasn’t anything too eventful. It might have been, if it weren’t for the fact that you were stuck watching students clinging to each other’s arms, couples laughing and smiling as the snow fell around them. Meanwhile, you stayed in the background, refusing to let yourself open up enough to even BEGIN to form a relationship with anyone. Did you not want to get your heart broken, or was it something else?

Feeling Christmas all around, and I’m tryin’ to play it cool

The whole school had been decked out with Christmas decorations; garlands on the fireplaces, wreaths hung on dorm-room doors, and lights twinkling in almost every window. You walked slowly through the snow, wrapped in a fluffy coat and gloves, the hood pulled up over your head to try and warm your chill-reddened ears. The atmosphere was wonderful, snow falling lightly around you, and when you walked inside, the coziness was nearly enough to warm you up all on its own. Yet you could feel a certain unease in your bones that refused to go away no matter how long you stood in front of the fireplace.

Let It Snow is blasting now, but I won’t get in the mood

Enid had dragged you back to Ophelia Hall the next time you saw her to hang out, and you saw her girlfriend as well, still decked in black and pigtails ever-present. She acknowledged you with a nod of her head but nothing more. As Enid grabbed your hands and grinned at you, chattering about the cold and whatever she’d been up to that week, you heard a familiar tune start playing out of her wireless speaker. “I love this song!” she squealed, turning the volume up as ‘Let It Snow’ blasted through the large device. Still, as much as you enjoyed the time with them, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to be as happy as Enid was, denying her offer to dance when the next song came on with a polite smile and instead choosing to sit by Wednesday to ask softly how her novel was going. Her responses were curt and cold, but you didn’t take it personally; she talked like that to everyone except Enid.

I’m avoiding every mistletoe until I know it’s true love

It was no secret that the students of Nevermore were a sneaky bunch. Very few hadn’t pulled a prank or two on the faculty–or each other–and that was a normal occurrence. So why were you thinking that maybe you would get through a single holiday without getting messed with. It was another day of arguing with your boss, Principal Weems, as per usual. The two of you were walking side by side, ironically enough, bickering loudly and animatedly as neither of you refused to give in even though both had work to do. And so you’d resolved to argue as you kept walking, something about your friendship with Wednesday. Larissa didn’t like her, that much was obvious. You supposed she had a good reason for her dislike of Wednesday–unlike her uncalled-for dislike of you–after all the shit she’d pulled since her enrollment. But you didn’t agree with her taking that anger out on others, not even on you. “That’s bullshit, Larissa! She’s just a kid, you can’t–” The silver-haired woman cut you off with a raise of her hand and snapped, “I can and shall do whatever I want, Miss L/N.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes and taking a firm step down as you spun on your heel to face her in the doorway you’d just arrived at.

“Why do you hate her so much?! I’m not saying she’s perfect, but I don’t think you should be considering expulsion!” You snapped back, glaring at the (much) taller woman in front of you, also stopped and now with her hands on her hips and an unimpressed glare on her face. With a tut she stated “Might I remind you that this is the third time Miss Addams has done something like this? Not only could she have hurt herself, but she could have endangered her classmates, as well!” With this statement she too stepped forward, poking you rudely in the sternum with a perfectly manicured nail and getting much too close for your poor hammering heart. She was so close that you could practically feel the heat radiating from her body, though you were probably imagining it.

However, it was only when you made to take your leave, finally getting sick of this pointless argument, did you realize that you couldn’t move. It was as if you were tethered to the floor by some unseen force, looking up to Larissa to see if she was experiencing the same effect. It was obvious that she was by the way her wide eyes glanced wildly around the area, looking for any sign of escape. It was then that she looked up (though she didn’t need to look very far given that she was only about six inches below the top of the door frame) and made eye contact with what, at the moment, was the most repulsive object she’d ever seen.

Mistletoe.

And apparently, not JUST mistletoe, but cursed mistletoe. It was the only explanation, at least in this place, and since the woman just kept staring you also eventually looked up and saw the small plant hanging there, bright red berries practically taunting you from above. You released a shaky sigh and lowered your gaze slightly to Larissa’s, already glaring down at you as if it was your fault the two of you had ended up in this position. In return, you gave her a scandalized look and exclaimed, “Oi! Don’t give me that look, I’m as shocked as you are!” The Principal groaned under her breath, cursed quietly, and finally let out a heavy sigh before muttering, “Can I please go one day without being the victim of some childish joke?” You knew she was stalling; neither of you were stupid, or ignorant enough, to believe that this was some sort of fluke or odd chance. There was one way you were getting out of this and it was not favorable to either of you. “In light of recent events, I’d say the answer is no…” you muttered, crossing your arms and refusing to meet Larissa’s eyes.

The principal didn’t look away, staring at you even as you continued burning holes into the lacquered floorboards beneath your feet. Every few seconds you tried to step away again, just hoping that somehow, by sheer force of will, you could break the curse and escape this torment. Alas, you couldn’t move an inch and finally, Larissa scoffed and hissed something under her breath. Now, you were quite a bit shorter than this woman, obviously. Just to look her in the eye, you had to strain your neck upwards and you weren’t even that short. She was just fucking huge. Given this height difference, it’s not like it could be a quick one-and-done thing because Larissa would have to make a big deal with getting down to your height. So with no choice but to (in her mind) embarrass herself–the woman silently thanked the gods no one else was around to see this unfortunate series of events–she bent at the waist, tipped your chin up with her right hand, and pressed her lips to yours. It barely lasted a moment, over faster than you could even blink, before she stood up straight again with an expectant air about her.

But nothing happened. You tried to move away, but that force still kept your feet planted in place. Horrorstruck, Larissa’s gaze snapped down to your equally alarmed one as you breathed “Oh gods…” The older woman snapped “What? What is going on, y/n?!” It was not often that Larissa used your first name, insistent that she must maintain professionalism by continuing to use your surname. It was only when she was worried, tired, or upset that she pulled out the first name, so you scrambled to reply; “I think I know what this is. It’s cursed-” “Oh, figure that one out yourself, did you?” “Shut up, Larissa! If you would let me finish, I was going to say that it isn’t going to let us go without…” you groaned, covering your face with your hands as heat crept up your neck and cheeks. Thankfully Larissa got the message and if you’d have looked up you would have seen a gentle flush dust her cheeks as well. “I have things to do today,” she muttered, clearly getting more upset the longer you two stayed there.

With an indignant huff, you thought about all the things you had to do today and how much it would suck to have to do them tomorrow because you refused to grow a pair and kiss Larissa Weems under the goddamn cursed mistletoe. Fingers twitched at your sides for a moment, you ground your teeth together in focus, before finally reaching out, grasping the lapels of Larissa’s blazer, and yanking her down to meet you. To her credit, the only indication of her surprise was an almost imperceptible ‘oh!’ before your lips met. You held her there, squeezing your eyes closed until the pressure began to get painful. Larissa’s own hands hung in the air on either side of you, her muscles straining uncomfortably with the angle at which her body had to bend to reach you. This had to be the most awkward and uncomfortable kiss you’d ever initiated as Larissa still did not move until finally, after what felt like actual millennia , she hesitantly placed her hands on your shoulders, the muscles unconsciously relaxing under her warm touch.

Faintly you could feel the tackiness of her candy red lipstick on your mouth as she–whether knowingly or not–gradually began to respond, both of you allowing yourselves to at least kind of enjoy the sensation. The taller woman’s fingers tentatively lifted to your jaw, grazing the bone almost reverently. Still, the moment Larissa felt the uncomfortable weight lift off her shoulders she didn’t hesitate to jerk away from you. While you took a moment to recover from whatever that was, Larissa took one glance down at you, at your flushed cheeks and out-of-it expression, and with little more than a soft blush, the woman marched away, not looking back once with some sort of subconscious fear that, should she do such a thing, she wouldn’t be able to look away. Oh, how she hated you.

Santa tell me if she really cares

After your less than lucky run-in with mistletoe and a certain Principal, you’d had even more trouble ignoring the woman. She, however, had no problem with this task. Any time you made eye contact, no matter what the situation, she without fail managed to bail, leaving you to stare after her in bemusement. Unless it was the weekly staff meeting, at which time you had no choice but to sit in the same room together for almost an hour. Still, Larissa resolutely avoided your gaze, expertly appearing to pay attention to you when you spoke while also never actually making any sort of eye contact. At least before, she would interact with you long enough to get into an argument with you. Now, you just felt quite…lonely.

It had always been obvious, to you at least. You’d had a crush on Weems since practically day one. That’s why you missed even the constant fights you’d have with the woman, once she seemed to stop caring about your existence entirely. ‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder’ must be true, for the longer you went without any contact, the more you yearned to apologize. To explain. To do anything as long as it meant being able to smell her perfume and see the stupid little smirk she gave when she won an argument.

I’ve been down this road before, fell in love on Christmas Day

Another bleak and cold December afternoon, and you sat perched on the windowsill in your room, looking outside to the snowy Nevermore campus. It was a day like this, you realized, when you said those three fateful, terrible, damning words to them. These days it was little but a fleeting memory, but you could remember the soar in your chest when you realized your true feelings, the adrenaline rush that came with confessing to them, and the following admittance of mutual emotion. The snow fell around you as you embraced, not caring about the cold or the way your bodies trembled, only caring about the warmth each other’s lips brought the other.

But on New Years Day, I woke up and they weren’t by my side

All of those feelings came crumbling down only weeks later when they told you they were wrong. When they said that they had only wanted to feel like that about you, because truly they loved seeing you happy, but they didn’t love you. It was holding back tears that you smiled and bade them farewell; from your home, your life, your universe. It was the first day of the New Year, and you had planned on celebrating your new life that you had thought was ahead of you. Instead, you lay in a crumpled heap on your apartment floor, sobbing and cold at the lack of their presence. Since that day you refused to let anyone influence you in such a way, refused to allow your heart to get shattered like that all over again. It hurt too much, was too painful to relive. So instead you moved here, to Jericho. Started a new life, a new job, started over. What you hadn’t expected was to fall in love with the Headmistress.

Now I need someone to hold, be my fire in the cold

Another day of loneliness accompanied by a scathing sense of disdain towards anything “nice”. Even more couples had been flaunting themselves around the school, not afraid to show their affection and adoration for all to see. And it didn’t feel fair that the only person you wanted to share those moments with was STILL avoiding you like the plague. Not to mention that even if she wasn’t, she still hated your guts. The chill of midwinter air was felt down to the bone, no matter how many layers you wrapped about your shoulders, or how hot your mug was in your woolen-clad hands. It was blistering and biting in a way that only loneliness could be, in a way only the feeling of another’s embrace could relieve.

But if it’s hard to tell if this is just a fling or if it’s true love

At this point, your mind was completely in tatters. One day Larissa was avoiding you, and now she was stuck to you like a bug to fly paper. Every corner you turned she seemed to be there, trying to strike up a conversation–any conversation for that matter–and it confused and distressed you greatly. Because you were finally starting to take the time away from the woman to get over her, but with her having flung herself back into your life at such a breakneck intensity there wasn’t anything you could do except let it happen, really. It caught you off guard how friendly Larissa was being, to the point where you were the one who had to begin to distance yourself. And once again the silver-haired bipolar flipped like whiplash, noting your sudden apprehension and pulling away all over again. Oh, how you despised her.

I wanna have her beside me on the 25th by the fireplace

Here it was. Christmas day. Well, evening technically. The Christmas party that had been, remarkably, kept quite hush-hush until the day of. It was a blast but the happiness dissolved as soon as you began the long walk to your room. Dazed, slightly out of it, and just a tad bit tipsy, you didn’t realize that you’d ended up in front of what was not your room until you looked up and found a door that was, decidedly, not yours. In fact, it was the very person you’d had on your mind for the past month, and with alcohol raising your confidence, you brought your hand up and knocked on the heavy mahogany wood thrice. A few moments later a melodic voice sounded out an “Enter!” to which you did just that, slipping inside and closing the door behind you.

Larissa hadn’t yet looked up, just muttering “What do you want?” while she languidly twirled her fingers around the stem of a crystal wine glass. She sat in front of a large fireplace, curled up on a settee that looked far too expensive. “Do you want the truth or some sugar-coated lie?” At the sound of your voice, the woman’s head whipped to face you, firelight glancing over her features and shrouding her icy eyes in shadows. That gaze raked over your form before her broad shoulder drooped with a heavy sigh and long fingers gestured you forward. The woman’s body returned to its previous position, angled towards the still blazing flames.

But I don’t want a broken heart, this year I’ve got to be smart

“You never answered my question,” you stated as you sat down beside her, giving yourself enough room to not touch her, but staying close enough as to not remain a stranger. “Do you want the truth, or not?” Larissa huffed out a strained laugh, taking another sip of wine and never once looking toward you. “Personally, I want some peace and quiet, but you can’t even give me that, can you Miss l/n?” she replied, but for once it wasn’t biting. Instead, it held a tone of indifference and, if you squinted, playfulness. God forbid. In response you shrugged and also looked to the fire, twisting your fingers together as you said, “I suppose not, Principal Weems.” The two of you stayed silent for a long while, as you fought the urge to scoot closer to the woman and she considered whether she should offer you some wine.

Eventually, though, you got sick of the silence and sighed before muttering, “Perhaps I should go. It’s gotten late,” and going to stand up with a nod towards the Principal. “Happy Christmas, Larissa.” “Miss l/n.” You did not respond, not in the mood anymore to banter. Only when you were halfway to the door and you heard a sharp “Y/n!” did you freeze in place. When it was followed by a softer, sweeter “Please come back,” you could do nothing more than obey, returning to your spot on the couch–this time closer as Larissa motioned for you to do so. A long arm came to gingerly lay over your shoulders and you, just as timidly, leant your head against the woman’s shoulder, sighing contentedly at the warmth she emanated and the scent of that oh-so-familiar perfume you had missed so badly.

This time when the room fell silent, it wasn’t for long, and it wasn’t tense. Larissa broke it then, murmuring no more than a breathy apology. An apology. From Larissa Weems? To you? You must be dreaming. But no, she really was apologizing, and instead of teasing her for it, you just nodded and repeated the sentiment. It didn’t need to be said, what was being apologized for. It just was in the air. You knew what it was for, without having to speak it into existence. And there, the two of you stayed, for quite some time, just enjoying the peace with no sound except your soft breaths and crackling wood embers in the hearth. When you did finally bid goodnight, well past midnight, Larissa hesitated to let you go at the door. There was a shared look between the two of you that sparked something in her chest, and the woman bent down to place a chaste kiss on your lips. It lasted no more than a moment, but the intention was clear enough. It was loud enough, even with no words spoken. And once you did leave, her door closing silently behind you, the two of you unknowingly both leant against the thing, and but a single thought flitted through your heads.

“Oh, how I love her.”

#larissa weems #larissa weems x reader #Wednesday #fem!reader #x reader #wlw #lesbian #lgbtq #fanfiction #gwendoline christie #gwendoline christie x reader #Santa Tell Me #my writing #christmas special

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fatmaclover · 4 days

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12, the whole gang. would love to hear every head canon you have tbh!!

oh gosh thats gonna be a lot. im gonna be excluding anything that would make this blog more personal or less tame than i want it to be but you really arent missing much there

well. first and foremost UNFORTUNATELY its a hc that im a joyce kelly truther. shes so unbelievably transfem to me at this point its hard to see her as much else. genuinely forget its not canon sometimes. oops

i also must say all of @pariskim's joyceverse tag is canon in my mind and i really recommend you go through it even if you dont see joyce the same way i do, genuinely some of my favorite fan content to consume period. yes i am also sending you over there to become a joyce truther. go.

honestly if mac and dennis could be responsible pet owners (theyll never be.) i think theyd LOVE having a snake. i know theyd go for a ball python because theyre more stereotypically "snake" than some other pet trade species, but frankly i think theyd do best with a hognose. theyre pretty social (with humans. dont keep hognoses together in a tank) idiots with huge attitude and they look god damn adorable. hognoses would also be great for them because they tend to be more food motivated! its also good for snakes to just take them out and like. set them on your bed n just chill or talk with em for an hour or so. thatd be great for mac.

i personally think that mac will only hook up with you as a fellow man if you a) can pass as older than him or b) look like dennis. yeag i think he, consciously or not, goes for people that have similar traits to dennis, physically or personality wise. if dennis let himself accept that he cares a bit too much about who mac is dating, that little fact would single-handedly make macdennis canon. dennis would tell mac to just date him if he wanted to date him so badly

not entirely a headcanon but i imagine almost all of the gang besides maybe frank has methods for getting dennis to regulate his diet a bit more instead of eating like 1 meal a day. i think mac can get dennis to eat or drink just about anything by just giving it to him in conversation. he'll just let dennis talk his ear off and continually hand him chips or fruit or even drinks or nearly any drug at all. having a small bite or drink or hit during conversation is such a reinforced habit that its natural to the both of them now.

i think dee does it by purposefully playing into her status of being "below" dennis. she'll complain about being too weak to open a peanut shell or something and he'll snatch it and do it to prove hes better and out of habit maybe has a little bite. though i imagine if theyre inebriated in any way its as easy as genuinely just feeding it to him. dennis will never admit it, because he hates his sister, but he trusts her.

joyce i think can get dennis to eat just by getting alone with him. she provides a bubble of decompression and a lack of worry for him. its also insanely easy for her to just offer dennis a huff of whatever inhalant shes been having fun with that day and i imagine that makes things easier as well

i think you could pretty easily get mac into nerd shit. just have some pretty boy be a little nerdy. get him to watch star trek itd be life changing for him even if i think a good amount of it would fly over his head at times. ttrpgs and roleplaying in general i think would be big for him

also bringing back my hc of him joining the philadelphia gay mens chorus ohhhhhh my god i need him to sing more i need him to embrace his love of singing

unngh thats not all of em but i my brains starting to lag a bit here. ill happily rb this post with more and make it a sorta masterpost for hcs eventually

#kats iasip hc post #for the people trying to avoid spoilers dont look at the joyceverse stuff but this post doesnt actually contain any spoilers so im not #gonna tag it as such. but be warned #iasip

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5ivebyfive · 9 months

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I’m proud of myself for staying away from comments and debates about the USWNT. It would only harm me, because I’m already in a bad mental place in general and I feel words too hard. I don’t want to see them being bashed and hated on all because they’re women. Strong, capable, talented women who fight for what they deserve, who fight for those who can’t, and who are all individuals and proud of who they are. I admire these women so much. They play for a country who are terrible to them and want to bring them down because they have small minds. Because the fact that so much of their hate comes from their own country is so sad. And infuriating. The hate for the stupidest things. For standing up for the oppressed, for wanting equal pay for equal (better) work, for being POC or gay or women. For not being “patriotic” enough when they don’t say the same about men. It must be hard for them to represent us when so many don’t support them.

No, they aren’t at their best right now, but that is so complex as to why. And people don’t want to consider those factors.

These are human beings, doing what they love, trying their damnesd, wanting it all — for us and for themselves — knowing they are better than this. And they get cut down so harshly. And they know it. They know what they’ll get. And they just want to be happy and to win, and that crushing feeling we saw in them…heartbreaking. The vets who probably won’t be there again, the babes who wanted so much at their first try. They’ll try again, they’ll be better structured, they’ll have a better coach, and next time will be better. But they’ll have even less support. And sometimes I wonder if other countries, who get the full support from their own country, understand what our ladies get for their work.

It’s heartbreaking that they lost, but it’s more heartbreaking to see that their country isn’t behind them. Isn’t supporting them or offering them sympathy. Thanking them for what they did do. Appreciation for how hard they worked under terrible leadership. If we don’t support them, and their coach doesn’t support them, who will? How will they be okay? These women, these humans, these Americans. They deserve everything any single random human deserves. But they don’t even get acceptance or decency.

We should give them a welcome home party. We really should. They fought for us and they tried, and they deserve a welcome home tour. They deserve to meet us, those who do support them, love them, appreciate them. They deserve to smile and laugh with us and hear us thank them and shower them with praise. I want to. So much. I want to hug every one of them and say “thank you” “I believe in you” “my heart is full because of you”. They need that. And big hugs if they want them.

I want to shake Alyssa’s hand and tell her I nearly cried at her PK.

I want to tell Naomi that she is fierce and held up.

I want to squeeze Sophia’s hands and tell her how proud I am of her and how 2027 will be hers.

I want to tell Julie how integral she’s been to this team and how much I’ll miss seeing her blue headband on the pitch.

I want to look into Kristie’s eyes and say “you did good”.

I want to tell Kelley she’s part of the backbone on the team and they are all better because of her and her support (and ask her to be the real coach).

I want to meet Alex to tell her I believe in her, I admire her, and she’ll get everything she deserves.

I want to hug Crystal (again) and do anything to make her smile that amazing smile. And tell her how incredible she is.

I want to stand before Pinoe and…maybe bow down to her. I want to tell her that she’s so admired for her bravery, words, skill, and how she holds us up. I want to thank her for being proud and gay and a woman and making me feel better about myself just by seeing her standing on the pitch.

I want to hug Lynn so hard. I want to tell her how long I’ve adored her and been behind her. Even when I couldn’t find more than one other person who didn’t hate her or shame her or make fun of her just because of the team she was on. Tell her how much her existence makes me smile. That Snacks is my happy hour. No matter how low I feel. I want to see her smile in person (again) and just tell her I’m proud of her. That I can’t wait to er her back in club, to see her called up again, to see her go to the Olympics. Tell her she’s my favorite of all.

And basically, hug and gush and admire every single woman on that team. Make sure they know we support them, love them, root for them. That we are so fucking proud of them no matter what. That my heart swells for them even when I have to watch them cry.

They need us now. More than ever. They need to be showered in our respect and love. Reminded that we know. We know what they had to deal with and we know they’re better than that.

If I could, if I had the spoons or resources, I’d start a movement to create something for them. Maybe a video with everyone’s love and support across the world. I dunno. They deserve something like that.

One Nation. One team. WE BELIEVE.

And we love, adore, and respect our glittering USWNT. Always.

(Any hate, toxicity, negativity WILL be ignored and blocked because this is not that time or that post.)

I hope you’ll reblog this to show your support.

#🤍#uswnt #uswnt players #wwc23 #wwc 2023 #us soccer #woso #nwsl #seriously #be a human and leave the negativity out of this #it’s about love

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ivansergeyevichturgenev · 9 months

Text

judge me if you'd like

last night i had a conversation with my friend who's double my age and i tell nearly all of my anguish to because i think she is a good listener and is older than me so i appreciate her perspective and i feel the need to say that other than a single little low abv spritz i was not drunk or high which i usually am when we have our conversations where i spill all of my guts. and if you think i'm a horrible person i completely understand but i (and so does he) deserve a life that is fulfilling. i got married too young. to put it simply. i did. everyone knows this. he is such a kind, loving person but i am simply not attracted to him. i hate having sex. i hate letting him down and not having sex with him because he deserves to have a sex life. he's asked me before if i'm attracted to him. like he knows. he asks if my sex drive is really this low. and i've been looking for an out for a while actually. we've briefly talked about divorce. i think it is true i love him deeply as a friend but i can't keep living a lie because it's incredibly cruel. and i've been feeling this way long before i developed feelings for the woman i talked about like a month ago

and again if you think i'm a horrible person i understand but i do plan to tell him in the near future. but also i'm tired of thinking my only options are suicide or be miserable for the rest of my life and continue hurting a very kind person who deserves the world that i simply cannot provide him.

i've had doubts this entire time but i thought i was being mature. i thought i was being mature by choosing love. because i do love him. just not physically or sexually

it has never once been a doubt in my mind that i am attracted to women. i have known this my entire life. there is literally no question about it. i used to have a lot of embarrassment about it as a child because i just knew

it doesn't help the fact the therapist i saw when i was in high school interrogated me every session about my sexuality, accusing me of being a lesbian while on her public facebook admitting to hating gay people. and actually after this i had a lot of shame and guilt about my sexuality which may have spurred the crisis i had about it and decided i would stop labeling myself anything because you can't know anything for certain. so i just don't talk about it because it pained me a lot

basically last night my friend just looked me dead in the eyes and was like madalyn you're gay. and like i don't really believe that because i find it hard to believe that i have made these decisions and have not at all been attracted to men but what i do know for certain is i cannot be happy married to one. i find it really insulting to lesbians to suggest they can be attracted to men so please don't accuse me of doing that because i would never do that.

if you're laughing at me i understand. i didn't consciously choose to use someone who i still love deeply and is one of my best friends.

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ashes-writing · 11 months

Text

stranger things ● forever pt 5 ● s.harrington

warnings

[ multi chapters ] your daughter calls Steve daddy + baby talk -cannot stress enough that she's 3 and she's still grasping speech and language but like.. writer doesn't want to overdo it so... yeah. robin and barb and robin trying to muster up the nerve to make a move -it's not fun having to hide your true self and being gay back then was not a picnic so.. angst about that. heavy sexual tension/physical attraction (mutual, duh), swearing, things seem like they're moving fast but there is a good time lapse between each part so.. yeah. having a kid written by a person who does not... female reader with female parts / a connection to Robin and a past/personality + an adorable lil kid.

word count + prev. part

5452 exactly

part four <- can be reached by clicking.

summary

“It’s not!” you’re laughing. But there’s this small part of you that cannot deny that lately, since you and Steve have gotten closer and opened up to each other more, there’s something different between you.

He’s more touchy. He teases you more. You caught yourself flirting with him on more than one occasion because you couldn’t resist doing it and it happened before you could catch yourself. There’s the way you seem to lack a sense of boundaries when he’s around.

And Robin isn’t wrong, you’re starting to find it really hard to resist just going for it.

“Everybody hasn’t noticed because it’s not like that.” you insist.

taglist + shoutouts

<< taglist here >> just click & add ig. if you're here for gareth/eddie or other ST men, lemme know and I won't tag you on this.

@allelitesmut @tbmunson - bestie ilysm omg i hope you're having a great day!! @chaoticcancer @caravelofthesun @dylanwritesgood @just-a-blue-nerd @eddiemuns0nl0ver @slyisbehindyou @spaceconveyor

other links

masterlist ● steve's masterlist ● about + rules

FIVE

“ She told me she wishes he was her daddy.” you’re munching on some french fries from Wendy’s as you watch Steve and Stevie down at the pond, feeding the ducks together. Steve has Stevie sitting on his shoulders and you can hear her laughter as it echoes through the park.

You can’t stop staring. Your eyes roam freely. You tell yourself that if you can’t be with him, you can stare as much as you like but honestly, you’re not stupid. All you’re managing to do is torture yourself every single time you wind up doing it.

Barb laughs softly and Robin snickers at the faraway look in your eyes as they glue themselves to Steve’s body all over again. You’ve been stealing glances a lot more lately.

You got so caught up in it when everyone met to hang out at the pool two afternoons ago that you nearly face planted the door to the women’s restroom just because he went off the high dive, answering a dare that guy across the street who works as a lifeguard gave him.

“Pick your jaw up off the table, woman.”

You jump a little, broken out of your daze by your cousin’s teasing so you flip her off. The two of you share a look and while Barb is busy grabbing herself a soda from the vending machine nearby, you smile at your cousin. “You need to do something, okay? Who cares what anybody thinks? Screw them. And I don’t see aunt Janet being as horrified as you have yourself believing she will be. Now grandma Ethel.. Possibly. But she clutches pearls at everything, Robbie.”

“You do something and maybe I will. You’re the older one. Lead by example.”

“Robin..” you sigh and shake your head, taking another bite of your double cheeseburger. Groaning at the taste as it fills your mouth because you haven’t really eaten anything today. It’s been busy at the office.

In a desperate bid to change the subject because you’ve told your cousin so many times exactly why you can’t just throw caution to the wind and the more you have to tell her, the more convincing her arguments are as to why you can -and should, do that very thing are starting to become.. In a desperate bid to get off the current topic and on to a new one, you speak up.

“I think I might have found an apartment. We can go look at it later.. If you wanna come with me?”

“You and sparkles should stay with mom and I longer.” Robin shakes her head. Pouting a little. “I don’t wanna lose my little buddy.. Or you and our nighttime talks. C’mon, it hasn’t been that bad.”

“It hasn’t. But I need to stand on my own again too. Like.. I know this is putting a huge strain on aunt Janet as far as money goes. And if I’m living in my own place, it won’t be as bad. They just gave me a raise and more hours.”

Robin’s still not thrilled, but she nods. “Yeah, okay. But you’re still stuck with me, woman.” “Duh.. We have a blood pact. Remember?” you laugh and so does she. “Where is the apartment?” she asks after a second or two. You’re distracted, watching Steve and Stevie again, he’s pushing her on the swings now. “Hm?” you ask as you take a sip of your vanilla Frosty.

“Woman, oh my god.. If you don’t do something it’s going to drive you insane. And lately, whenever you two are around each other, the air’s almost heavy enough to choke somebody. Everybody notices it.”

And Robin isn’t wrong, you’re starting to find it really hard to resist just going for it.

“Everybody hasn’t noticed because it’s not like that.” you insist.

Barb laughs as she slips down onto the bench right next to Robin and hands her a Tab. “Okay, am I allowed to call bullshit? Because that is exactly what you’ve just said is… Total bullshit. Everybody’s noticed it, ___.”

“There’s nothing to notice! We’re friends.” you insist.

“Friends don’t look like they’re a second away from kissing each other, ___. Which is exactly what you two looked like the other night when we all went to see that movie together at Starcourt.” Robin is patient when she says it. Laughing as she remembers turning to find Steve dragging his thumb over the butter smeared on your cheeks. Or later, finding you leaned against him, the two of you and Stevie whispering back and forth as you all stared up at the screen and shared popcorn from the same mega sized bucket.

Or even later, when the crowd leaving the theater as the movie ended got so thick that Robin watched as Steve pulled one of his patented Harrington moves out, resting his hand against the small of your back as you all wandered out.

She’s annoyed that neither of you are willing to budge but it’s oh so painfully obvious.

“Even Eddie’s asked if you have something going on! And Eddie, he’s practically the most oblivious guy on Earth!” Robin insists, throwing up her hands in exasperation as you calmly shake your head no and insist all over again, “He’s not into me like that. I’d know it if he were! Body language expert, remember?”

“My ass you are.” Robin grumbles, the two of you flipping each other off as your laughter dies away.

“Where’s the apartment?”

You cringe a little because you know your cousin well enough to know that when you tell her it’s over that one bar on the wrong side of town, she’s not going to be thrilled. And honestly, you’re not either.

But you refuse to keep burdening your aunt and you know it’s putting a strain on her having two more mouths and more of a mess to keep up with. You help as much as you can. And you really love being there, you just know that you need to stand on your own again.

“Okay, there’s a teeeny flaw with the place.”

“I’m not liking it already.” Robin’s shaking her head, taking a sip of her soda after she’s opened the tab.

“It’s over that bar on the way out of town. The owner.. He uh.. He came in to the office for a consult and he mentioned that he was going to open up the empty units and start renting them out. He told me if I did all my own repairs and stuff he’d knock it off the rent, too. And he’s only charging like… I think he said 400 a month for a two bedroom?”

“Absolutely not. Do you know how often the cops are called to that place? And Eddie’s band, they played there once, said there was a brawl in the middle of their set so bad that an ambulance had to be called.”

Barb speaks up. “Wasn’t Steve looking at a place, Robbie? And it’s near the school. It’s one of the two that the guy who owns the Post just opened up and completely remodeled.”

You give both of them a playful dirty look. “Mhm, like it’s not obvious what you’re getting at.” you laugh as you finish off your Frosty. “I’d fold like a deck of cards if I had to live with him.” you’re doing it again, staring at him openly as you fan yourself with a stack of napkins. “And it’s not even like.. Okay, he’s fucking gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. But that’s not even why I fell in the first place.” you nod to the way he’s waiting on Stevie at the end of the big spiral shaped slide on the playset, “Its the way he is with her. It’s the way he treats everybody.. Like.. I can’t explain it but god, it just turns me on.”

“Because he’s a good guy. He has changed a lot since high school. But anyway, why not look at the place Steve is looking at? You guys are getting to know each other and you’ve gotten to be really good friends.” Barb’s looking at you, giving you a smirk that only makes you stick out your tongue at her. “I just told you why, B! If I live with that man, I will fold like laundry.”

“That’s kind of why she suggested it. One of you needs to, jesus.. The tension is getting to the rest of us outside the little bubble the three of you have formed lately…” Robin laughs and shakes her head. “So stubborn. Why keep fighting it? What if it ends up being amazing? I mean, you said it yourself. He’s good with her. He’s good to you.. To everyone, actually. Why not just go for it?”

“What if it completely blows up though?” you counter, biting your lip. “I can’t.. I won’t put her through what Jenna put me through.”

“Speaking of.. She called last night. I dunno what she said to Mom but Mom exploded. It was great. She told her she was the worst mother to ever exist and hung up. Told her to call back when it wasn’t about something she wanted or something she needed.”

“She didn’t even ask about Stevie.” you guess, frowning and rolling your eyes when Robin’s look confirms it. You shrug. “It’s her loss. We’re fine without her.”

“Definitely.” Robin agrees, reaching out to steal some of the fries you have left.

“Will you guys just come with me to look at the place? Please?” you ask them both, giving them a pleading look.

“Fine.. But I’m not gonna like it.”

“And I agree with her.”

You laugh and slip off the bench, making your way over to where Steve and Stevie are by the swings again. Stevie loves the swings. The day before, you brought her to the park and she refused to leave until she’d spent at least an hour swinging. An hour that you happily obliged because one day, she’ll be older and you already know that you’re going to miss this.

You take advantage of every little moment you’re allowed because they’re moments you won’t ever be able to get back.

CONTINUED

“Daddy! Higher! My feet almost touch clouds!”

When she says it, she’s giggling. Her eyes squeezed shut against harsh afternoon sun. Smiling so big that it’s probably ten times brighter than the sun itself. Steve is frozen and at first, he doesn’t know how to respond.

All he knows is that when she calls him Daddy, he finds himself wishing that it wasn’t just an accidental slip-up. That he really was her father. Because that’d mean he got both of you, all to himself for the rest of your lives. If it were true, nothing would make him happier.

The swing comes back down, Steve catches it and brings it to a stop. "Higher, huh?" he laughs as he locks eyes with you because you're standing nearby, watching. He's gazing down at Stevie now and he chuckles. "Dunno if it's a good idea, scout."

"Pwease?" She's begging and it's adorable. He still can't decide what to do about her calling him Daddy, so for the time being, selfish as it might be, maybe he just pretends that he is. And that she's his little girl, the two of you are his girls.

Everything feels better, he notices, when he pretends like it's true and he acts like it's true. He doesn't feel as alone until later on when he actually is alone and the realization sets in all over again.

A brunette nudges you in your side, nodding to Steve as he pushes your daughter in the swings.

"Hi."

"Hey." you turn your attention to her after calling out to Stevie not to hang the way she is off the swing. "Something you want?"

"Is Steve her father?"

You shake your head. Smile fading a little. One, because you're pretty sure her entire reason for asking has everything to do with her interest in Steve and this makes you just a little jealous and two, without even realizing it, you were kind of imagining what it might be like if things were totally different. If Steve was actually her father. If the two of you were together.

"She called him daddy. Just now." the brunette states. "Either he is or he isn't." and she's pretty sure he's no, after all they were close friends, there's no way he could've hidden something this massive from her and Tommy. And she likes to think he wouldn't have attempted it, either. But the little girl calling her best friend daddy did make

"He isn't. Closest thing she's known t' one though."

"She looks like he did when we were all kids." and it hits Carol that she hasn't actually introduced herself yet. She laughs quietly and palms her face. "I'm Carol. Steve is an old friend. The two boys on the slide are mine." she points out her sons and you smile. Stevie is racing towards you and you drop, holding your arms out for her as Steve jogs over behind her, laughing.

Carol watches as you scoop up the little girl and cover her face in noisy kisses. Steve is staring at you, oh you can bet she picks right up on that. And she's thinking about the way you were all soft eyed and staring as he pushed the cute little girl on the swings just now.

,,this is what he deserves. He needs to find the confidence he had in high school and just go for it already because the air is so thick between them I cannot breathe."

"Carol."

"Steve." she smiles, giving him a thumbs up as she nods to you and Stevie. Steve raises a brow because usually, Carol is nothing if not a harsh critic of anyone he dates or shows interest in and it only doubled down after things ended with Nancy.

"What's her name?"Carol's attention turns back to you and she's smiling. Curious, with the strong feeling that Steve is definitely falling hard and fast for you because he's gone into protective mode without even seeming to realize. She knows because he's stepped closer to you and Stevie as if to shield you both.

"Stevie." you answer. She smiles, nodding towards the slides again. "Tommy and Hunter."

Carol makes her way over to the slide where her sons are and Steve gives you an apologetic smile. "She wasn't like…rude or anything, right?"

But you're distracted, between what she revealed to you about Stevie looking a lot like Steve and Carol revealing that Stevie called Steve daddy, you have a lot on your mind at the moment.

Steve repeats his question and you smile, you shake your head no. "No, she wasn't."

You're just wondering.. how did Steve react to your little girl calling him Daddy?

And more importantly, how should you react to it?

CONTINUED

"Yeah, I don't like this place." this is said by Steve who offered to come over and really look at the little two bedroom apartment you were told about earlier in the week. Robin speaks up next. "What is that smell?" and Barb asks the same question. "I'm agreeing with them."

"It's not that bad." You're wandering around the empty space. It's bigger and brighter than your old apartment. And considering it's over a bar, the floor is so thick that barely any noise seeps up through worn hardwood flooring. "It's bigger than the last one."

" I just don't think this is a good idea, __." Steve repeats. The door lock isn't the best but honestly, that's the least of the things he's noticed. He can tell you're determined but so is he. "There's other places, ___. Maybe we should look at em before you decide anything."

"Yeah, I'm going to agree with the dingus here."

"I'm agreeing with Robin. And Steve."

You're not entirely sold on the place either but you're determined to find something soon. You've never been the kind to wear out your welcome and you're just so used to doing everything alone that you don't know how to take help when it's offered.

Or this is what both Robin and your aunt keep telling you.

"Okay. Alright. I'll look a little more." you promise the three of them. Stevie stirs in your arms and buries her nose down in your neck. "Mama, somethin stink."

"We're leaving now, cupcake." you laugh softly. "Good. Smell make me wanna barf." she grumbles. “Don’t wanna live here cos it stinky. Like old cheese. Feet.”

All of you wander out, Robin and Barb getting into Barb's car and after you've fastened Stevie into her carseat, you get into the passenger seat of your Mustang. Steve's driving like he usually offers to whenever everyone goes out together lately and you decide to take your car. As he merges in traffic, he speaks up. "You'll find somethin better."

"Not at that price. And it's two bedrooms."

"There was a murder in the alley behind the place..this guy I know..Jim..he worked the scene. I think it was like..my junior year?"

"Oh. Yeah, I didn't know that."

"People don't talk about it a lot." Steve answers. "That place is dangerous. Just trust me."

You nod before you even realize you've done it. You, the headstrong and argumentative, stubborn one. You, the one who always does whatever she wants whenever she wants. And when you realize that you're just going along now, you're stunned to a state of silence.

He pulls into the spot next to Barb's Volvo and kills the engine and nods to the car seat in your back seat. "She's out."

"She sleeps so well when she goes for a ride." you tell him as you quietly pull open your door. As you're unfastening her seatbelt, she looks up at you all groggy from her nap. "Wan' daddy t' carry me."

Your breath hangs and you're frozen. It was fine when she'd do this, call him that whenever it was just you two. You usually just gently remind her that she can't blurt it out and she needs to call him Steve or Mr.Steve. But she's just done it all over again right in front of him.

Steve is about to speak up and say something strictly because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, and he figures you're about to anyway. But then, instead of saying anything, you turn to him with an apologetic smile. "I keep telling her she can't do it when we're not alone, that you might not like it."

As he starts to realize what you're getting at, he's stunned speechless. The implication that she's done this before..that she does it a lot when it's just the two of you and the further implication that you're okay with it.. the smallest glimmer of hope is in bloom and the wheels are turning in his mind.

"I got her." he reaches out to take Stevie and she wraps little arms around his neck and yawns because she's beginning to wake up. "Good nap, wasn't it?"

"Mhm." Stevie answers. "Now I sooooo hungry."she giggles. You gape at him. "How is it she's not a little grouch right now? She's a grouch waking up for me?"

Steve shrugs. Smirks a little as he pulls open the door to the diner just in time to come face to face with Nancy, Jonathan and Jonathan's friend Argyle as they come out with grease stained bags. Upon seeing him, Nancy is kind of frozen, definitely shocked to see Steve with a little girl in his arms and even more shocked that she's seeing just a hint of the side he opened up to her when they were together.

,, everyone kept telling me he met someone. They all said he was finally happy again. And that weird rumor that he had a kid and somehow nobody knew.. I can see why it started."

"Hey Steve."

"Nance. Hey. You haven't left yet?" and it's honestly no an act to make her think he's okay this time, this is what shocks him most. He's honestly just been so busy lately, he's been so preoccupied with fighting the nightmares, the mess Vecna left in his head when he was done with him and since the end of April, his feelings and the attachment he's forming with Stevie and you that honestly, he hasn't given her a whole lot of thought. Lately, he's given her none at all and when this hits him, he's more than a little shocked.

"We leave next week.. Monday?" she looks to Jonathan as if she's not sure and he smiles and nods. "Yeah. Monday…hey, we're having a get together with everyone this weekend. You guys should come." Nancy looks from Steve to you as she says it. Her gaze lingers on you just a little longer. Taking in the way you’ve molded yourself right against Steve’s side and you’re standing just a little taller. As if to protect him.

Steve starts to say no. But between the tension you're picking up on and you'd die before admitting it, the slightest bit of jealousy and anger you feel upon meeting the ex girlfriend, you speak up before he gets a chance. "We can if you want to, Steve. It's up to you." you’re trying to act as a buffer.

Pretending things between you and Steve are more serious. More intimate than they actually are all while coming to the realization that his ex girlfriend is a very good and clear reminder as to why he’d never willingly settle for you. Nancy’s beautiful and she’s got this good girl look about her. Not to mention, her life is together and yours, well.. You make yourself stop thinking too hard and picking yourself apart before you get too deep into doing it.

His brow raises. And he tells himself there's no way, you can't be jealous, but there's just something about the way you melt into his side just a little more..and of course, the tiniest hint of mischief in those beautiful eyes of yours as you look up to hold his gaze as you're doing it, as if you do it all the time. He chuckles. "We'll try, Nance. I'm not promising anything."

"Mama, can you take me to bathroom?" Stevie speaks up, reaching for you. "Wait for you inside?" you ask Steve, glad your daughter needs to use the bathroom because the more you stand there, the more you compare yourself to his ex. The more you tell yourself there's no way he'd just settle for you and your jealousy -as well as the knee jerk reaction it caused just now, are pointless.

You go in with Stevie and Steve is left to stand there. This is made further awkward when Jonathan steals a kiss before walking away to Argyle's van. This leaves the two of them alone.

Nancy laughs.

"What?" Steve raises a brow.

"She really likes you. A lot. Robin said it was obvious but wow.." Nancy smiles up at him and keeps laughing, " You feel something too. Didn't almost dying teach you anything, Steve?"

Steve blows out a breath and shifts his feet. "Yeah."

"So do something! You could have your dream life. Don’t you want that?"

He nods.

She fluffs his hair and goes to step past him, pausing for a few seconds. "You'll be okay.. i.. I was worried about you after…you know.. I just want you to be happy. Like me." and with a smile, she's gone. Rushing over to the van just as the rain starts.’

Steve lingers for a minute, trying to figure out where she came to the conclusion that you like him as much as she seemed to think. Mulling over the advice she gave that he didn't ask for.

You're sitting in the booth with Robin and Barb, feeding Stevie fries as you watch the two of them outside but try to make it seem as if you're not. And of course, Robin picks right up on it and clears her throat. You nod to them. "Yeah, if that's not a reminder of why I need to ignore the way I feel…" you muse as you take some fries for yourself. Barb and Robin share a look and then they're both looking at you.

"What? You see her! She's a knockout and she's got her life together."

"She really doesn't, though." Barb speaks up, laughing to herself. Robin agrees. "You need to stop ignoring it and do something about it. What happened, huh? You used to be the brave one?"

You laugh and roll your eyes. "Yeah, when it comes to dumb stuff. Emotional risks have never been my thing."

"The fact that you sit here so confidently convinced that he doesn't feel the same way when everyone knows that he does. I can't. You're the single most stubborn.." Robin laughs and Barb laughs with her, slipping fries out of the shared tray between them.

Steve wanders in and as he makes his way over to the table, Barb nudges Robin and leans in, whispering against her ear, "Okay, whatever Nance said to him… he's looking more like King Steve right now than he has in a really long time.."

"Maybe he's finally going to do something." Robin adds, nodding in agreement. Your breath hangs in your throat when instead of grabbing a chair and pulling it to the booth like usual, Steve seats himself in the space beside you. As his designer cologne envelopes you and your sides brush, you need to go pull yourself together. "I'll be right back."

You hurry to the bathroom and when Robin peeks in a few seconds later and sees you visibly flustered, trying to pull yourself together, she doubles over laughing and steps inside. "You okay?"

"I, uh… never better?" you're trying to pull yourself together because the way he looked at you when you locked eyes before you rushed in the restroom to cool down.. you can still feel it's effects. And the scent of his cologne surrounding you, the way he sat down and got as close to you as he could get.

It's all combined to do a number on you.

"You're in for it now." Robin muses, giving you a smirk. She knows something you don't, of that, you're certain.

"Huh?"

Robin shrugs. "Oh trust me. You'll figure it out. Especially if what I think is about to happen actually happens."

"Context?"

"Oh no.. no, because if I do that, you won't believe me."

"Seriously?"

"As a heart attack."

CONTINUED

Your red Mustang pulls to a stop in the driveway of your aunt's trailer. Stevie is sleeping in the back, in her car seat and as Steve kills the engine and holds out your keys, he closes his hand around yours when you reach for them. Steps as close as he can and when he does, your breath promptly hangs in your throat.

"If Stevie calling you that earlier…if it bothers you.."

"It doesn't." Steve looks over at you, "does it bother you?" and for a few seconds, he's searching your face for something..any indication that Nancy..Robin, Dustin and even Billy, that they're all completely wrong.

He doesn't find that. Instead, what he actually finds is just enough for the flimsy bit of hope to grow just a little more because you're looking up at him and . You're unfastening Stevie from her car seat and he gets out, holding your aunt's front door open for you as you walk through with Stevie asleep on you.

You can feel the air getting thicker. Something is different. It's not bad, only intense. So intense you almost feel like you can't breathe.

,, I have to be imagining it. This is just wishful thinking because i want to let it happen so bad that it's driving me crazy."

"You're sure it doesn't?" you question, tilting your head to look up at him and he chuckles quietly, shrugging as he answers, " I actually like it. If it bothered me at all, I swear I'd say something. Are you sure it doesn't bother you?" and then he steps closer. Pushes open the bedroom door for you as you step inside to put Stevie to sleep for the night. " It doesn't. If it did I would have stopped her the few times she's said it when it's just the two of us." you answer, looking up at him. Holding his gaze and God help you, squirming just a shade when it feels like he's looking deeper at you as he does the same.

"See you tomorrow." he finally manages to pull himself out of his daze and the temptation to touch you is so strong that he clenches his hand at his side.

You fall back into the bed beside your sleeping daughter and take several very shaky deep breaths.

CONTINUED

The whole drive across town to his parents empty house consists of him having the mother of all internal dilemmas. Instead of going home, he winds up at Dustin's house.

Dustin raises his window and gives Steve a concerned sleepy look. "Something wrong?"

Steve immediately starts the pacing as soon as he’s climbed through Dustin’s window. And rambling as he paces. And when Dustin figures out what's causing his best friend to pace a hole through his bedroom floor, he's snickering about it.

" She does it like all the time, man. You're just noticing Stevie calls you daddy?"

"Today is the first time she's actually said it to me directly." Steve answers, gaping as Dustin's statement sinks in. "Wait..she's done it in front of you then?"

Dustin nods to the chair at his desk and Steve sinks down to sit. "Yeah. She actually started like..a week ago? Two, maybe?” Dustin yawns and smiles, falling silent for a few seconds before picking up where he left off, explaining the situation to Steve as Stevie explained it to him, “ This girl in her daycare group named Sadie has her convinced that if she picks her dad then whoever she picks automatically just..is. I tried t' talk to her but she's stubborn and she plugged her ears, started to hum. She said her mind was made up. That even if she couldn't tell you, she still knew and that was okay with her. She was afraid you might be mad so her saying it directly to you man.." Dustin pauses, rubs his eyes as he chuckles quietly, "That's huge."

Steve's chuckling too. "Yeah, the uh..the stubborn thing, that’s like 1000 percent her mom." he drags a hand through his hair. "I saw Nancy earlier. We talked. Well, she talked. I thought I'd have more to say but I didn't."

Dustin nods. Looks up at Steve in concern but Steve shrugs. "It's over. It's been over. I get it now."

"Okay, so what about ___?"

Steve rubs his chin as he thinks about it. He knows he can't keep fighting it, not with everything he's either accidentally overheard or he's figuring out only just now. He wants to fight. He wants to win.

"I'll figure it out. The uh.. the letting Stevie call me daddy thing though.. that won't mess her up, right?" and he wants to laugh at himself, he's asking a literal teenager for advice right now but…Dustin Henderson is the second person he trusts the most in the world. Robin Buckley is the other person and he's definitely going to bounce all of this off her tomorrow.

Because he's determined that this time..this time the ending he wants most in the world is absolutely going to stick.

"No? Why would it? Her father is some asshole who didn't even want her to be born, man. If anything, it's clearly for the best this way, Steve."

Steve nods quietly. "To not fucking this up, right?"

Dustin grins even brighter. "You're finally going to do something then?"

Steve takes a shaky breath and laughs quietly. "I think so, Dustin. I have t' try or I'm gonna lose my fucking mind."

#steve harrington #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x single mom!reader #steve harrington x buckley!cousin reader #<- my writing ● steve harrington #<- warnings | see above but... angst / internalized and not ● robin is gay and we're here for it ● reader is a single mom with a past #<- warning | female reader - female parts and appearance ● personality and backstory ● with a kid and is Robin Buckley's cousin.

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suiana · 9 months

Note

So to give to a little context first. I have a friend whom I met from my old online school. We have a enemies dynamic. We've each other for 2 years now. When we first met I was the one who talked the most, which he used to see as "annoying". Ever since I left the online school and became busy with my new irl school, I started messaging him less and when I do, he acts more and more nicer and chill than before. To the point he stared flirting with me but I always brushed it off as I also flirt with everybody. Did I forget to mention we are the complete opposite of each other. He's extremely introverted online while I'm literally just putting out my phone number for everyone to see. Irl tho I'm introverted and scared of people unlike him who suddenly has the ultimate rizz and getting into fights with other boys.

One time he messaged me while putting on his just as he got out if the shower. Lemme tell you I was dense af back then. He literally asked for shampoo recommendations. I didn't know anything about men's hygiene so I told him to use a flower scented shampoo. He left for 15mins which I thought was because he was drying his hair. No he was running to the store. He asked for which shampoo brand I use. I didn't want him to know that much about me so I said any sakura scented one.

Another time was when we were talking about a game we like and he thought about cosplaying the character I liked and I thought of it as just some teasing between friends and went along with it by saying I prefer the female characters.

I'm always questioning my sexuality so I'm always joking around that I'm gay and I think that's the reason why he hasn't been straight forward.

He started his own irl school last week and a girl kept looking back and forth at him and when he was about to go home she stopped him saying he could always ask her for help about studies and the school.

And again with a different girl but this time is his deskmate. Apparently every single girl he has met had asked him if he has a gf to which he responded with "not ur business" and I already knew something wasn't right at this point because I have seen his face before and he is mid. Sure ig some girls r into tall boys but he's a freaking emo.

And did I tell you about my suspicion about his deskmate not even being a real girl because the Coincidences if them being neighbors and having way too much in common is too suspicious. Did I also mention "her" personality is completely unreal. She says she's "not like the other girls" and HE him out of all people fricking agreed

And his description of her sounds exactly like me. Short wolfcut, gets mistaken as a boy, kinda tall. Even her behavior is like mine, Just randomly zoning out. And the last thing that completely threw me off guard was her grades. She's the Top of the class. I'm literally part of the student council.

But then I wanted to meet her too if she was comfortable with it but y know what he said.

Idk I can

He thinks I might accidentally hurt her feelings. He has known me for nearly 3 years.

And his response to me was

"Didnt mean it but since she has many mental issues and tried to suicide her self because of got bullied and mocked,i just don't want to makes her feel bad and depressed"

I relate to her so now im always telling him to protect her even if her stories might be worse than mine.

But now that I'm rethinking about it

I think he's lying to me

I heard getting advice from random strangers on the internet is better than getting actual help /j

I actually really like him and I don't have the courage to confront him directly about it

There's a very high chance I'm just being delusional and should continue being some wingman

But I don't have any other friends to tell this and I really need to get it off my chest and get other ppls opinions so I hoped I didn't make too many Grammer mistakes

don't worry about making grammar mistakes it's totally ok

u should subtly try to egg him on for answers

like asking what's Ur ideal type, what would u do if u date me, do u think we'll be more than just friends etc

if he hints that he does like u maybe u can shoot your shot lol haha, and don't be disheartened if he rejects u, there's plenty of fish in the sea :3

imo u probably have a good chance of getting that because he probably likes you ++ no guy I've seen would do such things for someone they just call a friend :)

I hope everything goes well for you bae and all the best

#suiana's sinners

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moon-spirit-yue · 1 year

Text

It's Not Living (if it's Not With You)

Chapter 1: Raya Ran into Some Complications

(TW WARNING!!!!!! This mini series is based heavily on the show Criminal Minds so if murder mysteries and descriptions of that sort of thing are not for you, just don’t read this fic. It’s not like my other fics where I let you know of a small uncomfortable part. I really don’t want to make this fic too horrific and gory, but it will get dark. Basically, if you can get though an episode of Criminal Minds this fic will be fine. These sorts of topics are not for everyone so please just be aware of this if you choose to proceed)

“Please don’t hurt me this way! I have a wife! And a sweet baby boy! How could you be so cruel?!” Raya whimpered, turning her head away from the monster that was trying to torture her.

“God, you are so dramatic,” Noi snorted without looking up from her book.

“Okay first of all, your “wife” does not count, and second, you don’t have any kids,” Tong began before getting cut off.

“Objection! Tuk Tuk is my beautiful son and I don’t appreciate you acting like he isn’t,” Raya huffed. “And I am married! Sisu and I have the certificate framed and everything! What’s with the judgement? Is it because we’re gay?”

“I’m pretty sure the judgement is coming from the fact that you two only got married to get grant money for college,” Boun laughed.

“And who the hell asked you, twerp?” Raya glared.

“Your dog and sham marriage do not count,” Tong sighed.

“You know, you’re being awfully negative to someone who literally got shot at this morning,” Raya grumbled as she reluctantly opened her eyes.

“Yeah well, the unsub missed and honestly? I’m kinda wishing he met his mark. Now wake up,” the unit chief scowled.

“Oh please! We’re the smallest unit in the BAU! If I get shot and go out of commission we’d literally have no choice but to dissolve and relocate to other units,” Raya scoffed. “And you know that Noi despises change.”

“It’s true. My mother used a different kind of cereal to feed me as kid because my usual stuff was out of stock and I protested by refusing to eat breakfast until I got my cereal back,” Noi confirmed.

“And you call me dramatic,” Raya laughed.

The bickering continued like it always did until they finally landed back in Quantico, their beloved home base. The quartet wearily got off the plane single file and entered the FBI building. It was long a flight and they were all ready to crash.

“Hello my dazzling little agents! How is everyone?” Sisu greeted them once they got on their floor.

“Feeling like I’m about to pass out. The guy was maniac. I mean, who carries three guns on their person at all times? Even for a serial killer, it’s a tad excessive,” Boun groaned.

“I do not envy any of you. It’s bad enough I have to see the crime photos, I could not imagine having to see the guy that caused them, let alone capture him,” Sisu shivered.

“This job is certainly not for the faint of heart,” Tong confirmed.

That was the understatement of the year.

“Agreed. Hey Sisu, can you drive me? If I go behind the wheel I’m scared I’ll fall asleep,” Raya asked.

“Anything for the wife!” Sisu laughed. Boun and Noi had small smiles on their faces as Tong loudly sighed in displeasure.

“The sanctity of marriage is wasted on you people!” Tong declared.

“We’ll get a divorce one day, don’t worry sir,” Raya giggled.

“A man can only dream. Alright, before we all disperse, I do want to say that you all truly outdid yourselves this past week. The unsub did his damn hardest to shake us off, but we managed to pull through. I really am proud of how this team has grown,” Tong said.

The other four agents beamed at his words. As much as the whole team likes picking on each other at every possible opportunity, they really did care about each other and yearned for their boss’s approval. The next words he said were not nearly as uplifting.

“We’re going to need to get in here early tomorrow. We’re all behind on some important documents that have to get on my desk by the end of the month,” the unit chief stated with a stern look on his face.

“Boooooo!” Boun groaned.

“Dang it, I thought he forgot about that,” Noi mumbled.

Raya just decided to stick with her classic pout. She’s getting too tired to talk.

“On that note, I’m going home to my wife, that I married for the right reasons,” Tong said, shooting a look at Raya and Sisu.

The other four then went their separate ways, mumbling some tired goodbyes and see you tomorrows. Sisu had to practically drag Raya to her car and shoved her in.

“At least stay awake until we get home,” Sisu sighed while starting the car.

“Can we just go to your place for night? Tuk Tuk’s already there and it’s closer,” Raya mumbled.

Tuk Tuk always stayed with Sisu when Raya was out on assignments so she really didn’t feel like relocating him tonight. Plus, she had a good portion of her stuff at Sisu’s anyways.

“I had a feeling you’d say that. Your bed is already made,” Sisu laughed.

“Have I told you that I literally love you?” the agent yawned.

“It certainly wouldn’t hurt me to hear it more often,” Sisu laughed.

“Oh, do you still need help dying your roots?” Raya asked.

She was now vaguely remembering Sisu asking for her help at some point when she was out on her previous assignment. Considering the fact that some dude with mommy issues damn near killed her, the text was shoved in the back of Raya’s mind for a hot minute.

“Yeah, but let’s save that for tomorrow. I don’t think you can be trusted with anything permanent right now,” her best friend said, side eyeing how Raya was nodding off.

It took everything in her to muster up the strength to give Sisu a thumbs up, so that’s probably for the best. Raya’s pretty sure she did fall asleep during the brief car ride because she blinked and bam! There was Sisu’s house.

“Carry me,” Raya demanded, slumped over.

“Oh my god,” Sisu groaned

After much pulling and tugging on Sisu’s part, they made it through the front door and was greeted by Tuk Tuk’s little yips of happiness. Raya grinned the second she saw her fluffy puppy and began pressing kisses on his furry face.

“I missed you, my beautiful baby! Oh yes I did! Yes I did!” Raya cooed as her precious pup licked her cheek.

“I’m gonna turn in. Anything you need?” Sisu asked her.

“Uh, can you drop Tuk and I off at our house before work? I just got the notification that my package got delivered and it is dangerously unsupervised right now. Other than that I’m good,” Raya explained.

“That’s fine. See you tomorrow, bestie. Love you! And I love you too Tuk!” Sisu said while scratching his fluffy ears.

“We love you too. Night!” Raya waved as she walked into her designated room.

She kicked off her shoes and changed her clothes before immediately flopping on the bed. Raya heard Tuk Tuk jump on the bed and snuggled right next to her. She multitasked by using one hand to pet her dog and the other to text her father she’s back in Quantico, safe and sound.

One of the major downsides of this job is knowing her father is going into cardiac arrest whenever a case pops up. He tried to convince her for weeks not to take the job but alas, her mind was made up. So then Benja decided to force to send texts when she left for a case and when she came back. Raya carelessly tossed her phone on the other side of the bed once the message was sent and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

****************************

The best way to wake up is seeing Tuk Tuk’s adorable face right beside her. Man, she missed this dog.

Raya had to speed through her morning routine to get out the door at a reasonable hour. Ushering Sisu to get moving, Raya and Tuk Tuk were already waiting in her car by the time she got in.

“You know, you’re a lot less pushy when you’re tired,” Sisu huffed while driving off.

“It’s not my fault someone’s stealing packages from people’s doorsteps!” Raya exclaimed.

“You’re a profiler, catch them!” Sisu snapped.

“Too busy tracking down serial killers, thank you,” Raya told her.

“I hope you have an extra load of paperwork to finish,” Sisu glared.

“You are so hateful in the morning,” Raya frowned.

They made it to Raya’s front door with no serious injuries, so she grabbed Tuk Tuk and made her way home.

“Do you want me to wait for you?” Sisu yelled.

“I’m good! See you in the office!” Raya yelled back.

Her beloved wife nodded and proceeded to drive to work. Raya turned her attention to where her packages get dropped off at.

She absolutely beamed at seeing her mail sitting there, unstolen by the neighborhood thief. Raya grabbed the package and tapped the passcode lock combo to let herself and Tuk in.

Raya awkwardly opened the door to let Tuk Tuk in first and kicked her package in the house. Stumbling in herself, she gave the house a quick clean from it’s lack of use. Once Raya finished eating cereal straight from the box, she was already back out the door.

“Tuk Tuk, take care of the house for me while I’m gone, will ya?” Raya asked the little pup. He gave a bark in response which in Raya’s mind meant he totally agreed to her task.

“I love you bud! See you tonight!” Raya said before locking up her house and getting into her car.

The FBI building wasn’t that far away but of course it was far away enough to hit some major morning traffic. Patience isn’t exactly where Raya shines. She didn’t even have the time to go to her favorite coffee place.

Finally, she was able to make her exit and entered the building of her workplace. She walked up to her desk to be greeted with Boun and Noi arguing over what case they think will be chosen next.

“I’m telling you, those murders down in Texas have to be serial! There’s just too many gun related deaths!” Noi exclaimed.

“No way, there’s several missing people in North Carolina that have never returned for the past couple weeks! Oh Raya, you’re here! Hey, which case do you think is the next one?” Boun asked as she plopped into her small cubicle.

“No clue. Have either of you guys started your paperwork just at a curiosity?” Raya asked, pulling over her papers.

Noi and Boun looked at each other guiltily before scrambling to get their own papers out. Raya snorted and shook her head before focusing in on her own work. Those two remind her of actual kids and the fact that they’re both younger than her doesn’t help.

The day was an uncommonly quiet one. Tong summoned them all near the end of it to discuss the files they had to get through in one of the meeting rooms.

“We did make good progress on what we finished today, but there’s still a hell of a lot more to be done. I highlighted which ones are top priority and we need to-” Tong began but was cut off by a random voice.

“SSA Spine, I’m very sorry to interrupt, but someone needs to speak to one of your agents,” the person told them.

“Did any of you have plans for company?” Tong asked with a raised brow.

The other four agents shook their head while giving each other looks. Who on earth could be looking for one of them?

“Well which agent do they need? And who’s asking?” Tong questioned further.

“Oh, Virana Fang wanted to speak with Agent Heart,” the woman said.

Raya’s blood somehow chilled and boiled at the same time. Seriously, Virana? Of all the fucking people that could meet with her?

“Isn’t she like, a big time attorney? Raya, did you get into someone legal trouble?” Boun asked with furrowed brows.

“No, no I did not get into legal troubles. We know each other from uh, I guess when I was in college. And let me tell you, she is not a fan of mine. The fact that she’s here is honestly making me feel rather nervous,” Raya frowned.

“Oh my god, I remember her! Man, she did not like you,” Sisu scoffed.

“Did Mrs. Fang say what exactly she wanted?” Tong asked.

“No, all she said was that it was urgent,” the woman answered.

“Do you want to tell her you aren’t available? I’m not entirely sure what’s going on but I can see your hackles raised, Raya,” Tong said with concern. Raya stood up from her chair.

“There’s no point. The woman’s relentless. If she says she wants to see me, she will see me. I have a feeling I am not going to like this conversation,” the agent sighed as she reluctantly followed the woman.

“Do you want one of us to come with you?” Noi inquired.

“That’s fine. I can take her in a fight,” Raya joked as she left the room.

Once the door got closed behind her, she allowed the dread to kick. Tong was right, her hackles were raised. What the hell could Virana possibly want with her?

Raya’s arms were crossed and her jaw clenched as she approached Virana. Oh, how Raya loathed her regal, menacing face. The older woman looked professional and impeccable as Raya has always known her to be. Never a speck of dirt on her clothes nor a strand of her hair out place. Confidence and ferocity ooze from her every pore, ready to suffocate anyone that tries to challenge her. This is how Virana Fang presents herself.

But the Virana Fang Raya is currently looking at doesn’t have the usual intensity she frequently possesses. Instead she looks around anxiously, like something terrible is about to happen. The agent can’t find it in herself to feel any sort of sympathy for this woman.

“Virana Fang. Why have you come to haunt me on this otherwise peaceful afternoon?” Raya drawled. Mrs. Fang almost seemed startled to find Raya standing right in front of her.

“I do not have time for your typical unnecessary remarks. Look, I want to keep this as short as possible. The bottom line is, I need your help,” Virana whispered quickly.

“I’m sorry, you need my help? Me? Raya Heart? My help?” Raya asked, utterly baffled. Virana stiffly nodded in response.

Raya blinked once. Twice. Three times. Then she smiled. A smile turned to a laugh. What kind of bullshit is she playing at?

“Does it sound like I’m joking? What punchline did I just deliver?” the woman hissed.

“Oh come on, I’m sure even you can see the irony in this? I mean you asked for my help, Mrs. Fang! God that’s hilarious!” Raya laughed. She honestly can’t take this situation seriously. “You know, it’s probably best if you just go. I thought I could get through this conversation but I think I overestimated myself. Please, have the day you deserve.”

Raya shook her head and turned away but the other woman’s hand stopped Raya. The agent looked back and saw how desperate Virana really looked. Before the agent could respond, Virana decided to speak words that alarmed her even more.

“Listen, I am well aware that in a perfect world, we never see each other again, but this world is not perfect. In a perfect world, my daughter would not be in danger,” Virana hissed in a frenzy.

This conversation could not get any more insane. What on earth was going on with Namaari? If Raya had any doubts about helping the lawyer, they were all gone now.

While her and Namaari weren’t exactly having sleepovers and braiding each other’s hair, Raya still cares about her. Plus, Namaari was certainly in better standing with her than Virana. (Then again, the raccoon that dug around in Raya’s trash last week was in better standing with her than Virana so that didn’t really mean much.)

“Fine, I’ll bite. Why is Namaari in danger?” Raya asked with annoyance.

“Because a serial killer is after her. That’s why I came to you, considering the fact that catching them is your job,” the older told her in a low voice.

The agent’s jaw dropped. A serial killer? After Namaari? Well, to be fair, Namaari is a lawyer so it’s entirely possible a client is out for revenge?

“How can you be so sure? I assume you came with evidence because this is not something I can just take your word for,” Raya managed to ask.

“Of course I came with proof, but I would prefer to speak of this in a more private setting,” Virana requested. First reasonable thing she’s said since she got here.

“Follow me,” the agent relented. Raya spend up the stairs to the conference room her team was in with Virana hot on her heels.

“Hey, sir, can I use your office really quickly? It’s important,” Raya asked while gesturing to Virana.

“Of course,” Tong nodded while giving the two of them a suspicious glance. She is so getting interrogated when this conversation is over.

Raya then walked to Tong’s office and closed the door behind her once Virana stepped in. The agent sat on the little couch in the office with crossed arms.

“Lay it on me, Fang. Why do you think a serial killer is coming for Namaari?” Raya asked.

Virana opened her briefcase and pulled out two envelopes. She handed them both to Raya.

“Just look at the cases with those two girls that have unfortunately passed away. I’m sure you’ll realize I’m right,” Virana said while sitting on the chair across from her.

The lawyer said it in such a haughty way that it made Raya really hope that there isn’t a case for more than just Namaari’s safety. The agent took the two envelopes from her and opened the first one.

The first girl’s name was Anchali Chakan. She was born in Nebraska, moved to New York when she was ten, then transferred to a college in Maryland where she’s lived ever since. She got married only three months ago to her long time girlfriend, now wife. Or, now widow. A relatively normal upbringing from what Raya can tell. She had dreams of being an artist and made some very impressive pieces before her passing. Now that Raya knows the basics about this girl, it’s time to get into the actual crime that was committed.

Yikes. That is the first word that comes into her mind when she saw the picture of this woman’s untimely death. Raya doesn’t care how many cases she comes across, she will never get over all the horrible ways people kill.

The murder happened in her house on March 1st. The place where she’s meant to feel safest. There was bruises around Anchali’s neck, an obvious sign of strangulation. Medical reports say that her windpipe got crushed which was the cause of her death. But alas, the atrocities did not stop there. There was an arrow that went straight through her neck. The only thing that made that detail a little less horrific was the fact that the arrow was stabbed into her neck post mortem. Raya cringed, shook her head, and went on to the second case.

The second woman is Cai Lan. She grew up in New York and stayed there until her last days. Unlike Anchali, Cai was born into poverty and had to claw her way out. She had been a foster kid since she was five, homeless for a period time in her late teens, went into massive debt getting into college, and had to live in an RV until three years ago. Cai did manage to make her way into upper society by scoring a manager position at a financial firm.

Cai’s murder occurred exactly one month after the first one, April 1st. It took place in Cai’s home just like Anchali’s. Again, just like Anchali’s murder, Cai was also strangled to death and ended up with an arrow through her neck post mortem. Looking closer at the arrow, Raya was disturbed to find that there was a heart at the front of the arrow. She glanced back at Anchali’s crime scene and found the heart was at the front of her arrow as well.

Was the killer trying to imitate cupid’s bow? Ah, shit. This case is one hundred percent serial. But Raya still can’t see the connection with Namaari.

“I will give credit where credit is due, this is a serial case. Even though it crosses state lines, the signature is way too specific to be the average murder. I still don’t understand what this has to do with Namaari, though,” Raya sighed, looking up at Virana.

“Both of these girls are Namaari’s ex-girlfriends. Their break ups were very friendly and the two of them stayed in contact with Namaari after their relationships had ended. It’s how she became aware of their passing,” Virana said.

For the first time since she entered the office, Virana had a mournful look on her face. Raya may have actually found it in her to feel bad for her but there was a very serious problem at hand. Then the attorney handed Raya another envelope, though this one was much smaller.

The very stressed agent opened it up and felt all color drain from her face. There was two plastic baggies with strands of hair. One strand of hair was significantly lighter than the other.

“Please tell me these weren’t mailed to you,” Raya begged, looking up at her. Virana’s grim face told her everything she needed to know.

“Two days after Anchali was killed, we got this bag with the light brown hair. News of her death hadn’t reached us yet, so we weren’t quite sure what to make of it and sent it to the police for investigation and figured out who it belonged to. Same thing with Cai,” Virana told her.

Wordlessly, the agent pulled out her phone to check the date. All the color drained from her face when she saw that today’s date is May 1st.

“Follow me, we don’t have much time,” Raya commanded.

Raya gathered all of the evidence presented and all but sprinted out of the room. The older woman quickly followed suit. The two of them barreled into the conference office where her teammates were sitting. They all flinched when Raya tossed all the information of this new case on the desk.

“Listen up people, we have to get through this quickly. Here you see two girls going by the names of Anchali Chakan and Cai Lan. The connection between their murders is the fact that they were both in a romantic relationship with Namaari Fang. They both died from strangulation. Part of the unsub’s signature is to put an arrow through their victim’s neck after they passed,” Raya said, talking a mile a minute.

“So it’s personal. Is, is that a heart at the tip of the bow?” Noi frowned, pulling the photo closer to her.

“Yeah, I think it’s supposed to reference Cupid’s bow. Namaari also received a strand of both the women’s hair two days after they were killed. These murders occurred on the first of March and April. Considering the fact that today is May 1st...,” Raya trailed off.

“We need to act now. I don’t like the fact that she’s been getting gifts or that the unsub knows where she lives. No need to bother collaborating with any local PD, this crosses state lines so we have full jurisdiction,” Tong began, explaining what he’s read in the files. “It’s safe to say that the unsub is targeting those who have had a romantic relationship with Namaari. They’ve also been going in order of who Namaari dated. She was with Chakan from eighth to ninth grade and then Cai from eleventh to twelfth grade. Mrs. Fang, was Namaari with anyone in the time period between Ms. Chakan and Ms. Lan?”

“Uh, kind of. After her break up with Anchali, I got word she did date a couple of other girls but they were just attempts at forming a relationship. Her next real girlfriend was Cai,” Virana answered immediately.

“Okay, looks like the unsub focuses on official relationships. Who did Namaari date after Ms. Lan?” Tong asked.

Raya could have sworn that Virana eyes landed on her before returning to focus on Tong. Must have been a trick of the light.

“From what I’m aware of, the only other girlfriend she had is her now fiancé, Jintara Niran,” Virana told him.

“But you’re not sure?” Tong pressed.

“No, I’m not,” the lawyer confirmed.

“First, please write down your daughter’s address. I take it her and her fiancé live together?” Tong asked. Virana nodded and hastily wrote it down.

“Perfect. Now I need you to call your daughter and ask if she has had any other serious girlfriend between Ms. Lan and her fiancé and that she needs to be completely honest. If we’re right, she could very well be killed tonight,” Tong instructed.

Virana turned rather pale at the last statement but nodded nonetheless. She walked out of the room and grabbed her phone, calling her daughter outside. Tong turned to the rest of the group with a serious look in his eyes.

“Okay, Sisu, you head to the computers and start sending police to stand guard at Ms. Fang’s and Ms. Niran’s house right now. If Mrs. Fang is right, the unsub is going for Niran next,” Tong began, but Sisu was practically out the door by the time he was finished with his sentence.

“Boun, I want you to just get to their address and kick start the process of asking them questions. Plus, I want one of our people to be with them as soon as possible,” Tong told him.

“On it!” Boun confirmed, launching himself out of his seat.

“Noi, stay with Virana and get whatever else you can out of her while simultaneously giving her some comfort. I’ll head out to the local PD where they live. It’s only two hours away but we should set up shop there anyways. Two hours can easily be the difference between life and death,” the agent told the only girls left.

“You got it boss man!” Noi nodded.

“And Raya, you know those case files I had you look at for review?” Raya nodded, causing Tong to continue. “I want you to get those files then head to the local PD with Boun. There’s a case in there similar to this one so we can get a better idea of how to handle this.”

“Understood, sir. I’ve got it covered,” Raya told him while rushing to get out of the room.

Holy shit. Someone has been killing Namaari’s ex girlfriends. This was not on Raya’s 2023 bingo card.

As Raya glided down the stairs, she passed by both Noi and Virana conversing. Before she could leave the floor, Virana spoke to her.

“Ms. Heart!” the lawyer exclaimed.

“What is it?” Raya asked anxiously.

“Please, just be careful,” Virana almost begged. Ah hell, that is so weird.

“Of course. I always am,” Raya told her confidently. With that, Raya turned around and dashed out of there.

The agent all but sprinted to her car. Once the car started, she began driving like a bat out of hell to get to her house. Because what on god’s green earth is happening right now?

When Raya got back home, she didn’t even bother locking her car before throwing her front door open.

Raya stood at the door for a moment, completely forgetting where she put the files. Then her brain started working again and she remembered that she shoved them underneath the dryer.

As Raya walked towards the kitchen, something made her pause. Is, is something burning?

Side tracked from her original mission, she found that the stove was turned on. That shouldn’t be possible. It wasn’t turned on this morning when she first got here and Raya’s breakfast was cereal straight from the bag. She did not touch the oven.

Tuk Tuk then made his entrance by running right by Raya and her fears quickly disappeared. Her big old dog probably accidentally knocked into the stove and turned it on. It has happened before.

“Hey bud. Were you trying to make some dinner for yourself while I was gone? I should probably feed you anyways,” Raya smiled, giving him a light scratch on the ears. Before Raya could blink, she was pinned against the wall by someone wearing a mask.

It took a couple seconds before she realized that this masked man now had their hands wrapped around Raya’s throat, slowly squeezing the life right out of her.

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