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romanarose · 3 months

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If You Wanna Be Wild: Chapter 6

Co-written with @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction my beloved Fen, who I could not do this without. Thank you for being my emotional sounding board, my dear friend, my wonderful cowriter and helpful beta reader. I adore you.

Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader x Santiago Garcia

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Summary: Santi takes Candy out, and Javier gets jealous, but still he defends them both. Drama erupts, and Santi finds something out about himself.

Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it. Covert/emotional incest in the past, Santi's mommy issues, m/m dynamics, internalized bi/homophobia

For the record, this is a fic that takes place in the drug trade and deals with the darker side of humanity, so anything from Narco's and Triple Frontier is liable to be discussed or mentioned here. This is your warning. This is not a dark fic nor is it centered around dark themes like Leather and Lace or Sunshine Starlight Sweetheart Brightside, but they are open to be talked about.

Reader has a nick name: Candy. Not her real name just what she goes by on her profession. Much of the inspo for this and for the title came from the Bruce Springsteen song “Candy’s room” so check it out for the vibes.

Reader speaks Spanish and has hair. I've decided Candy is just latina bc she's a sex worker in Colombia so this is what I'm doing. Reader also has curly hair and dark skin.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS!: Santi's panicy trauma response. Santi's mommy issues in full swing. Javier is jealous, lots of arguments. Cumming untouched, titty sucking. We're in for it boys!

THE SMUT WAS 100% WRITTEN BY THE AMAZING @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction i knew i needed mommy kink and he was the one to go to. If you like subby men, Fen, my dearest cowritter, writes great fics esp with Steven Grant <3 What Fen said when they wrote it "Yoooooo, what am I writing Romana? Madness? I think so."

6.7 words (I'm so fucking sorry okay A LOT WAS HAPPENING)

A/N Since I am apparently an incomprehensible writer, please know that the smut scene in the last chapter was not a threesome, it's Javi fingering Candy and Candy flashing back to her giving Santi a reach around handjob. I wanted to compare and contrast the way the two pairs care for and pleasure each other. but it came across as a threesome :(

Support writers! Reblog and comment!

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Santiago didn’t know why he was so nervous.

“What we need is to get out into the actual field!” Javier exclaimed, setting his mug down loud enough to make Santi jump. “Sorry, Garcia.” He muttered, wiping a bit of spilled coffee with his sleeve.

Santiago rolled his shoulders, reaching back to rub his spine over the scar. The surgery saved his life, but damn did it hurt. “S’alright. Listen, I had an idea, but I don’t know if it’s going to be anything. It does get us out of the office next week.”

“I’ll take it, what do you have, Pope.”

Santi smiled. “Well, the nickname is fitting. It’s a rally for the beatification of Laura Montoya.”

A smile quirked up on Javier’s grumpy face. Unbuckling his belt after a second round of stress donuts, Javi kicked his legs up on his desk. “Of course you would know that.”

“My tia invited me.” He shoved Javi’s boots off, then wiped his hands on his pants. “We know what his family looks like now, maybe they will be there? It’s something.”

Javier agreed, it was something. Tracking Lorea had not gone as well as Escabar had. Not that that was a flawless mission itself, but at least it had traction. Martin Lorea was far less public.

The pair settled into an easy rhythm of planning the event. Santiago would have to avoid his tia’s, he thought. That may be hard, considering he had 4 and several cousins who will likely be attending the event. Colombia doesn’t have a canonized saint yet, and she was recognized as venerable so her potential beautification was a big deal for Colombia. Still, he couldn’t be recognized at the rally, his family would want to talk and talk and talk and ask why he didn’t have girlfriend and talk and ask who Javier was, and Tia Lupe would ask him if he had a ‘modern arrangement’ with Javier which would make Santi sick to his stomach with anxiety and- fuck he felt like the donut he stole from Javi was coming back up.

“Gotta go, be right back.”

“I’ll be timing you.” Javier kicked his legs back up on his desk and closed his eyes.

Over the toilet, Santi dry heaved, unsure if he was really going to puke or just felt like it. What the hell was it with Javier these days that made him so anxious? Things had been going well, their friendship repaired in the months since Javier caught him and Candy together. Other than Frankie, who would always be his number one, Javi was his best friend. He’d die for him the way he’d have died for Will, Frank or Ben… but there was something more. Since the day they met, Santiago wanted nothing more than Javier’s approval, he strived for it… maybe it was that he saw Javi as a father figure, almost 15 years older than him… that wasn’t right either. He couldn’t place it until earlier this week.

The DEA ball was coming up, Javier had asked Santi if he wanted to carpool since they both didn’t have dates and lived near-by… to which Santi said he actually had a date. She was a surprise. So was the fact Javier wanted to go.

The “Oh” that had fallen out of his mouth though Santiago off. It sounded disappointed. Santi couldn’t stand Javier disappointed in him. That’s when the thought happened. ‘I wish we could just go together’ Not arrive together. Go together. As a couple. His first thought was no, that’s illegal. His second thought was no, he’d go to hell. His third was him mami, god rest her soul, would roll over in her grave.

He shook the thoughts away, but ever since then he began noticing the way he stared at Javi, the way his body buzzed with any incidental touch… He had to shove it down.

Certainly, Javier was open-minded, but he would to spend as much time as he did with him if he was gay, right? He wouldn’t incite Santi over for futball games on the tv, he wouldn’t take him with him to get lunch… he wouldn’t even want to work with him. It would all be over.

That’s what made Santi sick.

That, and the anxiety over who his secret date was.

You didn’t know why you were so goddamn nervous.

You had to admit, you were very surprised when Santiago showed up for his regularly scheduled appointment, flowers in hand, asking you to join him at the ball.

“Santi… sweetie… I don’t know…”

His large eyes looked nervous. “It’s a job! I’ll pay you, I’m not expecting anything free! And I I know what you’re gonna say, I don’t care about Javi freaking out. Imean, if you care I don’t wanna pressure you of course! I’m not trying to come between you guys, but I doubt he’ll even show. He hates these things.”

“It’s not that I’m worried about…” You take the flowers, thanking him genuinely, and walking to your kitchen. Santiago anxiously paced your walls, trailing his hands over your posters. “Sweetheart, I know we have a good time, but I am a prostitute, you know this.”

“I swear, I don’t have any notions about us being in love… I just want you there.”

Placing the flowers in the vase, you turn to look at him. “I just… well…” You hesitate, unsure how to not freak the poor kid out. “oh my god, there's no polite way to say this, but, Javier is far from the only DEA agent I’ve slept with. Hell, I slept with the janitor once.”

“Mario’s a cool guy, I don’t blame you.”

“What I’m saying is,” She sighed out her words. “You’re a sweet young man, and I know you’re a lot younger than most of the guys there. I don’t want to cause you any trouble-”

“Candy-”

“And I know I’ll cause you trouble if I’m there. They are going to make fun of you for bringing a hooker to a ball.”

He shook his head. “I don’t care. There’s no one else I want there with me but you, and I don’t care what Javier says, or any of them for that matter.”

You smile softly at the young man. He was earnest, but although you believed he didn’t care about the other guys at the precinct, you didn’t believe him for one second about Javi. Santiago worshiped the ground Javier walked on, it was clear by the way he talked about his partner.

“If you really don’t care, then yes, I’d love to go.”

His youthful face lit up. “Really?!”

“Yes” You giggle. “It sounds like a great night.”

Santiago ran to you, making you squeal as he threw you over his shoulder. “I’m gonna make you cum so many fucking times on my face, Candy, you don’t even know.”

You had to admit you were a little nervous. A lot nervous. He said he didn't think Javier would be there, but you weren’t sure, and hadn’t had a chance to try and prod him for information. You’d asked around, and Javi had been spending several nights with Gabby. This was not unusual, he was known to bounce around women, but he always came back to you. Today, though, it made you jealous as all hell. Santiago made you nervous too.

You wanted to at least make a good impression for him, so you went out and bought a brand new evening gown for the occasion, something classy, showing the curves but not your tits. Your big Farrah Faucet curls that usually accompanied a night with Lorea and his men were dialed down more to a simple look, your make-up more natural that a night on the town with high rollers would see. Still you were beautiful and you knew it. Just less like a hooker.

Javier didn’t know why he was so fucking nervous. He never went to these stupid things, much preferring to spend a night undressed with his cock buried between a pretty woman’s legs than stuff himself into a suit that had only gotten tighter in recent years. But, Pope was gonna be there, he was gonna be dressed up in some overdone suite, Javi just knew it. And his stupid curls would be slicked back and inevitably a few would pop out and he’d spend the night trying to keep them back but they would want to be wild and he’d eventually mess with his hair too much and it’d be all every-which-way and, and, and…

So maybe he was late. So maybe he was a little tipsy. Maybe he had been taking pulls of a flask in the back of a taxi but there was coke baggie and a cum stain on the seat so was it really the worst the car had seen? He pulled up to the dance in his too-tight suit, stumbling out a bit, and attempted to find his way inside. He didn’t really want to see Santi dancing with a girl, but if he didn’t show, Santi would worry, and Javi didn’t like Santi worrying.

Javier hoped she was nice. A nice girl because he was a nice young man. Someone to take care of him in some ways, to let him care for her in others… Javi knew he could take care of Sant. He had when he was sick, hadn’t he? Therein lied the reason Javi was drunk. The burn of the liquor was to press down the feeling he couldn’t ignore sober. He wanted Santiago.

“Buenas noche, amigos. ¿Has visto Santiago?”

Javi asked as he stumbled on a few men from the DEA chattering in a corner

One of the men, Freddy, chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. “Oh, you haven't seen him yet?”

This caused all the men to laugh, but Javier didn’t get the joke. He got the feeling whatever it was, they were laughing at Santi. Javier knew Santi hadn’t really clicked with the men. He was too straight laced, too honest… too good.

“The fuck does that mean?” Javier asked with an obvious bit of bite. Santiago was his to protect.

“Young Garcia came here with a whore on his arm.” Another man, Josue, with a patchy mustache he should just call it quits on attempting to grow replies. “Wonder if he knows what she is, or if he’s going to wake up to a nasty bill in the morning.”

The group laughs, and Javier feels panic rising inside him. No. No way. Santiago couldn’t possibly be that stupid, could he? He was the smartest man Javier knew. He’d never risk her like this…

Freddy continued when he saw Javi’s confused look. “Yeah, Pena, thats what I thought too!” He said with a laugh that Javier knew was not the good natured ribbing he gave Santi. “You know Candy?”

“Uh, yeah, sounds familiar.” The room was spinning, lights and smoke and colors starting to blur.

“The whore on 7th that lets you play rough? Yeah, her.”

Javier snapped to attention again. “What did you just say?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe it either!” He turns to another man Javier doesn’t have it in him to focus on. “I bet Virgin Maria thinks he’s in love.”

Grabbing him by the shoulder, Javier turned Freddy to him. “What the fuck did you say about Garcia?”

“Relaje, Pena. You call him Pope, different name, same meaning.”

But it wasn’t. Santi was Javi’s friend, Javier cared about him. Javier called him Pope to his face and if he thought it upset him, Javi wouldn’t do it. Freddy and the guys were calling him Virgin Maria behind his back, intending on being assholes. It was meant to hurt, it wasn’t true (Santi wasn’t a virgin even before Candy), it was meant to make a mockery of his good nature, his religion, and his morals. The effeminate name was meant to mock his slight build and stature as well as his passive nature. None of them knew the Santiago that Javier knew. They didn’t know the intelligent, compassionate, incredibly capable young former special opes agent who had saved his life multiple times and had given more break throughs on Lorea than he could could.

“Tell me again what you said about Candy.”

Despite the fact everyone was staring at them, you had never seen Santi so happy, so relaxed. He had a few drinks and for his small body it probably left him feeling warm and content. You had opted to stay mostly sober, only drinking one glass of white wine from the open bar; Santiago’s generous and soft smile to the bartender only endeared him to you more.

He was so much fun like this. You loved the time you spent with him in bed, that was fun too, but you’d also come to genuinely enjoy the moments where he wasn’t making you orgasm on his lips again and again. You genuinely cared when you asked him about his day, and had made a mental note of all the names he mentioned at the precinct that were causing him problems that you recognized. You weren’t sure how without outting him, but you’d figure out some way to fuck with them. One who was a massive dick to him, Freddy, was also a massive dick to you too.

Santi was indulging in a cupcake, telling a story of his friend Benny hitting on a woman only to realize her husband was standing next to her.

“It took me, his brother Will, Fish and Redfly to break the fight up. He still won’t go in that neighborhood anymore!” Santi giggles, taking a bite of the vanilla.

You laugh along; he’s an entertaining story teller. “Did he learn his lesson?”

“No! No! That’s the best part!” Santi said as he waved his hands excitedly. “He immediately, and I mean as soon as we cleaned the blood off his face, went and hit on another girl! And you wanna know the worst part?”

“It worked?”

“It work- how did you know that?”

“Women are easy, Santi.” Swaying to the music, you set his cupcake down. He has frosting on his upper lip, just under where his mustache sat.. “We love our men bloodied.” You pull him in close, eyeing his upper lip for the frosting, but he looks like he’s going for a kiss, and who are you to deny such a handsome man?

“Even when they lose?” He speaks, voice soft and sultry. Santi’s eye flick to your lips, his own push pillows parting to receive you.

“Especially when they lose.” You close the gap, taking his lips in yours and licking your tongue over his sugar-covered upper lip, brushing over his mustache. Sweet, just like him. Your sweet man.

For a moment, you are lost in him, the sounds of the Jim Croce floating in the air.

'Cause every time I tried to tell you

The words just came out wrong

So I'll have to say I love you in a song’

CRASH!

Immediately, at the sound of excitement, Santiago is in front of you, guarding your body with his. He doesn’t move, thinking clearly and assessing the situation; looking for where the danger is at and where the best exit points may be. Keep Candy safe. Keep Candy safe. His only goal was her, keep her away from any narcos, terrorists, freedom fighters or drunken men that might be causing a stir. When the center of the commotion was coming from the north, Santiago took Candy’s hand and began to take her to one of the south exits, a lesser used one with less potential for a second assailant, when he felt her tug away.

“JAVI!” She shouts, running towards the danger in high heels, rust colored skirt fluttering just as her flowy sleeves did.

“CANDY!” Running after her, he catches up with ease without the hindrance of heels. Santi tries to stop her, not wanting her near the drunken brawl, but she is on a single minded mission. Javier was under Freddy, who Santiago did not like, and getting the shit beat out of him. If he had a second more, if his focus wasn’t so on Candy, he would have beat her too it… but Candy was quicker

Santiago watches in surprise as she lifts her skirt, pulling a knife out of her garter, getting behind Freddy and gripping his hair hard, knife to his throat.

Everything was a deadly calm, everyone saying so, so still to not disturb the crazy woman with a knife. When Santi looked to Javier to check if he was okay, he saw Javi looking up at her with his big brown eyes, clearly fucking enamored.

“Freddy, get off of him before I tell everyone the weird shit you’re into.”

The next few minuets were a blur. As soon as Freddy was off Javier and Candy’s knife was off him, he was a big man again and the group began arguing. Santiago couldn’t quite pick up what it was about except “KEEP HIS NAME OUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!” From Javi.

They were all three escorted out by security; weapons weren’t allowed at the ball.

Outside the doors, a second argument erupted.

Candy tried to approach Javier. “Javi, baby, are you-” But as her hands reached for his swollen face, the older agent stepped back and turned his attention to his mentee. “Are you fucking stupid, Garcia?!”

Santi and Candy both are taken aback by this, but it’s Candy that speaks first. “Don’t talk to him like that!”

Javier’s anger is turned back to her. “And you! You should know better than this! Than coming here!”

She rolls her eyes. “Javi. It’s literally a part of my job, I’m an escort.”

“FOR DRUG DEALERS!” Javier shouts, throwing his hands in the air and stumbling back. “Not for YOU!”

“So what, he’s too good for me to take out? Dirty whore like me belongs in dirty nightclubs and dirty crackhouses?”

“Oh for fucks sake THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!”

Instinctively, Santi places himself slightly in front of Candy. “Tone it down, Pena.”

His icy glare turns condescending as a short, drunk, sardonic laugh escapes him. “HA! Do you think you’re in love, Santiago? Do you think you’ll be the magical man that can ‘save her’? That’s not how this works! You aren’t supposed to be bringing prostitutes to government functions, you absolute IDIOT! And you’re especially not supposed to bring HER!”

“ENOUGH!” Candy shouts at him, eyes flashing in anger. “You don’t get to tell him what he can and can’t do, Javi! And you certainly do not have possession over me! I am not yours! Just because we fuck does not mean you own me, and you don’t get to decide who I sleep with. Like you said, I am a prostitute, one of SEVERAL you frequent, so I wouldn’t be getting too high and mighty about being careful when everyone knows Helena nearly died working for you! I am not yours!”

Javier scoffs. “Oh, and he is? You think he’s your little lover boy, someone to play pretend that you are having a normal relationship with? He’s a scared child, he’s terrified of intimacy and thinks a finger in the ass will send him to hell!”

“Javier, fucking stop it right now.”

“He can’t protect you! He can’t take care of you!”

“Oh, and you can?”

“YES!”

Javier’s shouted words hung in the air, dripping with anger and venom. Santi simply watches, watches them like a scared child watching his parents fight, wishing it would just fucking stop, but it won’t. Not between them. Javier doesn’t back down and Candy isn’t scared of him.

Then, Candy starts to laugh. It’s short little laughs at first but grows louder. “Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME JAVI!” She laughs once more before shaking her head, tugging a bit at her hair as she walks a short circle. Candy shook her head, suddenly calm. “Thunder only happens when it’s raining, players only love you when they’re playing.”

Javi blinked, his voice now noticeably slurred. “What the actual fuck was that.”

Santi stepped up, sliding an arm around Candy’s waist. If she said what she wanted to say, he wanted to guide her away from Javier before he could be more hurtful to her. “It’s from Fleetwood Mac, Javi. You’d know that if you cared enough about her to look into her interests.”

Candy turned to him then, surprised, her soft eyes looking towards him; the hint of a smile on her face.

Javier, however, looked bewildered. “Her interests?You. Are not. DATING HER!”

“I still care about her!” Santiago defended himself. “Just because I’m not a sad slut who can’t emotionally attach to anyone anymore doesn’t mean I treat her like she’s not a person!”

Javier looked like he was about to speak, then shook his head. “This is fucking insane. This is not a Hollywood movie, there is no happy ending here, FUCK YOU GUYS and FUCK THE GODDAMN PRESINCT”

With that, Javier stormed off, angrily mumbling about one thing or another and his broad form shrunk down the street.

It was then Santi felt her begin to shake. Thinking quick, he took off his sports coat and wrapped it around her. “Hey, hey bebita,¿Estás bien?”

“Si” She shook her head a bit, then turned to him with an irritated look “He just really pisses me off sometimes, you know?”

Santi chuckled. “I know. He’s an asshole, let’s not worry about him, okay?” He wrapped his arms around her, and Candy allowed herself to sink into him. Santiago felt her relax, laying her head on him. He was angry, so fucking angry at Javier for the things he said to Candy, the way he spoke to her, it was hurting with jaw with how much he was clenching it… but it was clear Candy was upset too. His feelings didn’t matter, her’s did. He needed to be her man, be her strength, so he pushed his feelings aside.

Through the doors of the ballroom they could still here the live music playing, and he felt Candy gasp as The Eagle’s hit song, Peaceful Easy Feeling, began.

“I love this song…” She whispered, beginning to sway to the music. The stars were out, shining on her. It felt like they shined for her alone.

‘I like the way your sparkling earrings lay

Against your skin, it's so brown’

“I know.” Santi whispered against her skin. “I asked them to play it.” He sang the next line into her skin.

‘Y quiero dormir contigo en el desierto esta noche

Con mil millones de estrellas alrededor’

Candy took her head off him to look into his eyes. Fuck, she was pretty. So so pretty. He wanted her with him all the time, even though he knew it wasn’t possible. He wasn’t in love. Santi wasn’t sure he was capable of romantic love, honestly. He wasn’t sure he was capable of a love that was safe. But whatever he had with Candy right now it was good.

“You requested this song for me?”

‘'Cause I gotta peaceful easy feeling

And I know you won't let me down

'Cause I'm already standing

On the ground’

“Of course I did… wanted to make sure there was music you liked.” Santiago stroked her hair, careful to not mess it up, just enough to feel her. He began to dance with her in earnest.

“You’re the sweetest man I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“And I found out a long time ago

What a woman can do to your soul

Ah, but she can't take you anyway

You don't already know how to go”

Santiago twirled her, making Candy giggle.

“You listen to Fleetwood Mac?” She asked him through her laughs.

‘And I gotta peaceful easy feeling

And I know you won't let me down

'Cause I'm already standing

On the ground’

He shrugged. “I didn’t until I saw you had three albums, a Fleetwood Mac poster AND a Stevie Nicks poster.”

“So you… just decided to listen?”

“They're clearly important to you.”

He sings to her once again in Spanish

‘Tengo este presentimiento de que te conozco

Como amante y como amiga’

Candy whispers in his ear. “I enjoy our time together. I hope you know that. I do consider you a lover and a friend, Santiago.”

‘But this voice keeps whispering

In my other ear, tells me

I may never see you again’

Santiago believed her, but the ever-presant anxiety inside him told him this was temperary. Don’t feel safe, don’t feel comfortable. You are expendable. You are only loved as long as you are useful. You are only loved as long as you are perfect and good and right all the time. You can never mess up. If you do, WHEN you do, she’ll walk away just like Javi did. Still, he shakes these thoughts off and tries to focus on her. Focus on Candy.

‘Porque tengo un sentimiento tranquilo y pacifico

Y se que decepcionarás

Porque ya estoy parado

En el suelo’

As the song ended, Santi dipped a giggling Candy down low, admiring the way the dress flowed over her beautiful body.

“Hey Candy, they aren’t gonna let us back in there, wanna hop some shitty bars?”

“I’d like nothing more, Santiago.”

Back at his apartment, Candy and Santi giggled their way into his bedroom. A slightly tipsy Santi flopped down on his bed, sighing out a declaration that this was the best night of his life. When he opens his eyes again, he sees you smiling at him. He thinks that he wants to see you in his home more often.

“You look really pretty in that dress, you know that?” Santi says with a love-sick smile plastered all over his face.

You can’t help but smile back, unable to hamper the little laugh that lightens your chest. He was a bit more tipsy than you’d thought.

He pouts a little, being overly dramatic on purpose as he leans up on his elbows, his left leg half hanging off the bed as you stand watching him.

“Don’t laugh.” He pulls a face that has the opposite effect.

You don’t give him the chance to retort again and poke his foot with your index finger, while you school your face into a mock disapproving scowl. “Shoes on in bed?” You tut, expecting another pout and tease back from him, a shrug and a chorus of ‘Well it’s my bed, I can do whatever I want.’

But instead, his eyes widened a little, a small dusting of light pink blossoming over his brown cheeks and nose and highlighting his faint freckles. “S-sorry.” He mumbles quickly, scrabbling up into a sitting position to undo his laces. He’s pulled off one shoe and dropped it carefully to the floor before you even have a chance to register what he’s doing.

“Hey, hey,” you sit down next to him, your thigh touching his, and stroke your left hand through his curls. They’re a little stiffer than usual from the product he used for the occasion; it hasn’t stopped more than a few rough strands from breaking free though.

Santi leans into your touch instantly, instinctively closing his eyes and sighing, a weight lifting from his ribs. You wouldn’t be surprised if he started purring.

“You okay?” You whisper, continuing to run your fingers softly through his hair.

He nods and hums an affirmative.

You’re about to ask again, unable to stop yourself from double-checking his well-being. That seed of affection for Santi that first settled in your heart weeks ago has now grown and rooted into your chest, its vines and leaves twisted around your rib cage, seeking out your love like sunlight.

Just as the words form on your tongue you notice the not-so-subtle bulge in his trousers and bite back a smile.

Ah.

Not distress. Not panic. Nothing like that at all. Not right now, anyway.

Santi can’t see your expression with his eyes closed. He’s shifted closer, his temple gently against your shoulder as you stroke his hair. He sighs happily, almost dreamily.

It’s nice to see him like this, relaxed into your touch. He too often seems anxious, worried, worrying about his military friends, worried about Javi, worried about his family although those details remain vague. He’s mentioned his sisters lives in the US, Atlanta she thought, his tia’s he saw so often here, and every now and then a brief mention of his mom but only in passing. You place a soft kiss on his forehead, leaving a faint lipstick stain on his skin and he presses closer to you, nuzzling into the nape of your neck.

Languidly you run your free hand up his thigh, just tracing your fingers over his crotch before you squeeze.

The sharp, low moan that escapes his lips is more than worth it, though the gasped word that tumbles out is a bit of a surprise.

“Mommy,”

He freezes instantly, his eyes going wide and teeth audibly snapping shut. In less than a second he’s racking his brain, trying to work out how, why, where did that word come from? What deep, dark recess of his mind forced that word to the surface? Something was wrong with him. Something fundamentally wrong with him, deep down in the recesses of his brain. He was fucked up. He was going to hell.

Maybe you hadn’t heard it. Maybe you wouldn’t notice it. But already Santi knew those hopes were a lost cause. The way your hand had tightened momentarily in his hair the second it slipped past his tongue. He’d had a drink, a few drinks- although they’d mostly worn off throughout the night- that was a good enough excuse right? Oh god. What must you think? What would you-

“You’re my good boy, aren’t you?” Your voice was low and sweet, a caress to his very soul and he shivered in spite of himself, moaning again and squeezing his eyes shut as you stroked his painfully hard cock.

He nodded his head rapidly, not wanting to disappoint you. He’d be good, he’d be so fucking good for you. His breath hot on your neck as he pressed closer, angling his body completely towards you with a soft whimper.

You continued stroking him for a moment longer, pressing the heel of your palm firmly against his thick base before you unzipped his fly and flicked open his trouser buttons. You always loved this, loved how needy he got, how desperate for you.

Santi groaned loudly, his lips against your neck, half muffling his words against your skin as he squirmed into your touch.

“Hmm?” You halted your actions teasingly, waiting for him to repeat himself.

The small sob and bob of his throat nearly broke your resolve, but he pulled his face away from you a fraction to speak.

“Mommy, please,” he whispered.

You couldn’t help yourself, it wasn’t like it was the first man to call you ‘mommy’ in bed, but there was something about sweet, innocent Santi who had blushed his way through your first encounter not that long ago speaking that world that set your blood ablaze.

“Please what?” You teased.

He squirmed again, bucking helplessly against your hand. “Please?”

“You’re gonna have to use a few more words than that pretty boy, or I won’t be able to help you.”

Santi let out an anguished sigh, pressing his face into your neck once more.

Quickly, you moved your hand away from his weeping cock and firmly pinched his chin between your fingers, pulling him back ever so slightly so that you could look into his dark brown eyes as you title his face up.

“If you don’t speak, Mommy won’t be able to help you.”

Santi audibly moaned, his eyes rolling back for a split second before he shut them tight. His dick twitched uncontrollably.

“Yes, please, sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll be a good boy.” His words were all rushed together and there was a hazy look to his gaze when he opened his eyes again, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.

You petted his hair gently. “I know you will be, Mommy’s got you, sweetheart.”

He whimpered, rubbing his thighs together with every word.

“Now, tell me what you want.”

“Can I,” he swallowed again, placing his hand on the zip of your dress, “can I undo this?”

That wasn’t what you expected him to say, and you raised an eyebrow at him lazily as you smiled and nodded.

Santi let out a little nervous breath before hastily undoing the dress and carefully slipping it off your shoulders and down to your waist. You weren’t wearing a bra.

He held his breath as he gazed at your chest, his left hand hovering just above your skin as he stared with reverence. As if he hadn’t seen you semi-naked many, many times before.

You stroked his hair again. “You’re such a good buy, aren’t you? Asking for what you need?” You say softly, just to gently break him out of his trance. You did enjoy teasing him, but never for very long. He always listened, always did as he was told, and you were happy to reward him

He nods quickly, never taking his eyes off your breasts. The tip of his tongue pokes out and wets his bottom lip.

Ever so slowly he leans forward, placing a light, sweet kiss to your lips, the corner of your mouth, your cheek, before trailing down to your neck and collarbone. His kisses get messier, wetter, more urgent the further down he goes and you don’t expect him to pause, panting against your skin.

He looks up at you with large eyes that send a shudder of heat through your core. “Can I kiss your breasts… mommy?” He adds the name shyly, looking down momentarily so that his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks.

You keep stroking his hair as you nod, hooking your fingers around the nape of his neck and guiding him towards your chest. He takes the small movement and runs with it instantly, surging forward and covering your breasts in desperate, wet kisses. Switching back and forth between them constantly as if he simply had to lavish each with the exact same amount of attention. He moans as he lightly bites and sucks, his hands digging into your skin as he holds onto you for dear life.

You press him closer, urging him on by digging your fingers into his curls and scratching your nails along his scalp. He rewards you with another muffled groan, the vibrations reverberating along your skin and sending a shiver of pleasure down your spine.

Santi pushes closer, the force nearly knocking you onto your back as he latches onto your left nipple. You brace your right hand on the bed behind you so that you can keep your balance.

“Such a good boy Santi.” You whisper and he whines, looking up at you once with lazy, lust-blown eyes as he keeps his mouth against you. He sucks demandingly, the sensation almost bordering on too much, but still somehow not enough, and swirls his tongue around your nipple before lapping at it and starting the process all over again. His hips are bucking desperately, but he doesn’t dare ask for attention. He knows you’ll take care of him. You always will.

He sighs, shifting, simultaneously trying to get something and not knowing what he wants at the same time.

You know what he needs though.

You coo at him, soothing and sweet as you pull in closer into your arms, cradling his head as you gently ease him into your lap. He moans so loudly, the sound quickly becoming a whine in his throat as you embrace him.

For a few seconds, he seems to relax into you, all the stress of the day and previous weeks and months draining from his soul and bones as he gently sucks. But then he starts to squirm, his thighs shaking and stomach muscles tensing. He pulls his mouth off of you with a pop and low, desperate groan. His eyes shut tight and eyebrows knitted together as he whines and presses his forehead against your skin.

“Gonna cum.” At the very back of his mind he has a sense that he should be embarrassed, embarrassed that he’s this far gone and going to cum practically untouched. But he can’t fight the pleasure as it bubbles up his spine, doesn’t want to.

“You can cum Santi,” you whisper in his ear. “You’re such a good boy, cum for Mommy.”

He shakes his head, unsure why, tears at the very corners of his eyes, “please.”

“It’s okay,” you soothe, holding him tight and kissing his temple. “I’m here.”

He moans loudly, latching back onto your breast and sucking for all he’s worth.

“Mommy’s here.”

He groans again, pulling away a fraction to get his words out. His voice is breath and high. “Want Mommy to cum.”

The pleading in his voice spikes at the throbbing arousal in your core. “Santi, it’s okay-”

His whine is muffled against your chest as he reaches down, sliding his hands between your legs to caress your body the way he knows you like. You’d taught him exactly how you want to be touched, exactly how you touch yourself. He was an eager learner.

“Santi,” you manage to breathe out through his messy desperate kisses.

“Mommy needs to cum now please,” he murmurs, his speech slurred against your tongue,

Your breath catches, thighs squirming as he strokes you, the movements soft but sure. It only takes an embarrassingly short time before you’re moaning into his mouth and tensing as your release overtakes you in a rush.

When it’s clear you’ve cum, he tenses, his orgasm following through him and bursting behind his eyes. His cock throbs as he empties himself into his pants. You smile softly at his face as his forehead pinches in bliss, your hand still stroking his hair.

There’s a pause, a small moment of quiet just before he sighs deeply, feeling weak and boneless. And then he looks up at you with his dark, dark eyes. The softness, the relief, the adoration… the sleepiness.

“So good, Santiago… you’re so good. My perfect boy…”

Santi sighs against your skin, relishing in the tender moment as you play with his hair. “Was that weird?” He mumbles into your skin.

“Noooo, no not at all. It’s very common, actually.”

He looks up at you through heavy lids and suspicious eyes. “Really?”

“Oooooh yeah.” You chuckle. “More often than you think. I’m not here to judge anyone.”

He doesn’t seem convinced, but he seems to relax. “Okay. Yeah. Okay.”

You opt to not talk about it anymore, at least for the time being. He’s so tired right now, coming hard and untouched, and you decide it’s time to put him to bed. By the time you lay him from your lap to his pillow, he’s half asleep, so you opt with minimal dress. Gentle, you unbutton his shirt and slowly, carefully slide his shirt off. When you take off his trousers and underwear fully, you replace them with sweats. You think he’s asleep, breathing slowly and eyes closed. He looks positively angelic. When your getting ready to zip up your dress again, and make your exit, you hear his voice once more.

“Stay the night?”

You sigh. “Santi, I dunno if that’s a good idea…”

His eyes open slightly, just enough so you can see him. “Please, I’ll pay you whatever you want, I just don’t want tonight to end…”

He looks so vulnerable in this moment… and you don’t want this night to end either. Rules be damned. Santi was different. Santi was better. Santi was good. And you? You deserved some damn good.

“Don’t pay me, I’ll stay.”

Santiago sits up ever so slightly. “No, no Candy this is your job. I don’t expect free-”

“It’s not free, honey.” You begin to strip down, Santi’s sleepy eyes drifting down your naked body, staring at the knife at your garter. “We’re going to sleep, just like I would at home. And tomorrow, you’ll make me breakfast. Sound like a fair trade?” The truth was, sleeping with Santi, actually sleeping with Santi, sounded wonderful. You didn’t want it to feel like a transaction.

So, you slip into his clothes. You wear a tee shirt and sweats and climb into his bed where you think he’s actually asleep this time. He snores lightly. He sleeps on his stomach, so you rub his back. He feels nice.

You want better for him. You want him to have a stable life, a loving wife who wasn’t a whore, kids if he wanted them, his family and friends surrounding him. He should have to live in danger, work a dangerous job. He should be allowed to be happy. It wasn’t a life you could give him, you knew… but you could imagine.

You kiss the scar on his spine.

******************

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for reading!!!!

If you're still hear, please drop a lil HI! It's 12 pm here, inching towards 1 but i promised to put this out so i will!!!

Everyone PLEASE GIVE A ROUND OF APPLOUSE FOR FEN FOR THE SMUT IN THE COMMENTS AND REBLOGS SO I CAN MAKE SURE THEY SEE ALL THE LOVE

I hope everyone is saying as safe as they can be in these temps, my heart goes out to all those struggling but especially those in war zones, poverty, homelessness, or in areas that were previously never this cold and thus unprepared for a harsh winter. I know us northerners joke about how cold we get, but I know its different when your infrastructure isnt equipped to take this on.

So tell me friends

Did Javier have a reason to be mad at Santi?

Or was he overreacting?

TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE ARGUEMENT AND YOUR THOTS ON OUR DEAR SANTI

@runa-falls @lunar-ghoulie @campingwiththecharmings @whatthefishh @persephone-girl @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @beelzebeth87 @pimosworld @millerscoffee @heareball @thatwonderouswoman @poolb @meveispunk @lovable-liar @millllenniawrites @read-and-wip @missdictatorme @the-fox-den @milkymoon2483 @k-ra @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @rosellacwrites @legendary-pink-dot @dreamingofbucky @englandsgray @starsthatwatch @fairlyang @alwaysmicado @theywhowriteandknowthings @casa-boiardi @lostfleurs @ninebluehearts @puglover12 @sub-aro @laiisleiite @itspdameronthings @heareball @comfortlessjoy @csarab615 @calaveramangonda @bit-dodgy-innit @stevngrant @kirsteng42 @mrsjavierp @nanfafnan @lovable-liar @axshadows @cookielovesbook-akie @reallyrallyauthor @solar-fics @criticalarchitecture

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tizniz · 3 months

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WIP Wednesday 🌙

Tagged by: @theotherbuckley & @diazsdimples (such a little shit with his post)

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate 🩵 and happy Wednesday to those who don't!

SURPRISE! I PICKED UP CUPID!BUCK AND WROTE SOMETHING! I'm determined to work past everything that stopped me from continuing it and am going to keep going. So we'll see what happens.

I'm doing a few snippets (treating y'all for being so nice and because it's V-Day) from what I wrote last night, so there's more under the cut along with tags!

Valentine’s Day sucks. You’d think being a descendant of Cupid, one would be all for the holiday. Not Buck. Buck hates the day. Look, he loves love. Is first in line to admit that he is a supporter of love and will happily help anyone and everyone find their one true love. Has done exactly that with many a people. Has developed a reputation because of it. But Valentine’s Day? Valentine’s Day can go die in a deep, dark pit for all he cares.

...

He absently scratches at his arm as he tries to focus enough to pick out a sauce. But he can’t do that until he picks out a type of pasta. Because Eddie is surprisingly picky about what pasta goes with what sauce, and so Buck staggers his way over to the pasta. Boxed, not fresh, because Eddie is also peculiar about that. It honestly makes Buck love the man more. Except the thought of loving his best friend has a shiver running down Buck’s back unpleasantly; not because of his love for Eddie, but simply because it draws in more love from around him. He feels a bit like he’s suffocating. He’s sweating and shivering at the same time. Everything is blurry around him. There’s a couple at the end of the aisle whispering to each other, their new love pouring off of them and over to Buck, crawling along his skin.

...

As Buck is sat down on the edge of the bed, he realizes something with a frown. There’s nothing coming from the house. There’s no feelings or emotions or anything. Which Buck has learned to adapt to with Eddie, had actually sought it out tonight. But it does mean something, or someone, is missing. “Chris?” “Valentine’s Day dance, remember?” Eddie places some clothing on the bed beside Buck. “You helped him pick out his outfit.” Right. He did. Buck frowns deeper. He doesn’t really remember it though. “You’re really not feeling well, are you?” Eddie mutters, fingers moving through Buck’s hair once more. It eases some of the throbbing in Buck’s head, and he falls forward until his face is planted into Eddie’s stomach, the cotton of his shirt soft against Buck’s itchy skin. This had been the right move. This is where he needed to be. Already he could feel the silence and lack of emotions from Eddie muffling the too loud noise inside of Buck’s body. He really should have listened to his sister and stayed home. Love sickness was a nasty thing.

...

“Good.” Eddie echoes, leaning over to place the glass on the side table. “How you feeling?” Buck wrinkles his nose, eyes falling closed again. “No’ good.” “Get some sleep then.” “Stay?” “I…” Eddie sighs, and then there’s movement before Buck feels a body settle next to his. He shuffles closer until Eddie’s arm winds around him, slotting a leg between Buck’s. “Get some rest, Buck.” “Knew you’d help.” Buck mutters, feeling himself drift off. But it wasn’t spinning and scary like before, in the store. No, here, he feels safe and secure, on steady feet. “Always help…”

NP tagging: @daffi-990, @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove, @jesuisici33, @cal-daisies-and-briars, @exhuastedpigeon, @bucksbackwardcap, @disasterbuckdiaz, @hippolotamus, @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming, @monsterrae1, @actualalligator, @epicbuddieficrecs, @elvensorceress, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @spotsandsocks, @spagheddiediaz, @fortheloveofbuddie, @wildlife4life, @evanbegins, @devirnis, @buckaroosheart, @perfectlysunny02, @nmcggg, and anyone else who needs a tag :)

Let me know if you want to be added or removed.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #cupid!buck #911 fic #911 fanfic #buddie fic #buddie fanfic

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imerian · 24 days

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Here goes little essay about everything going on with Logan bc i have a lot of thoughts that I want to organise a bit .

I'm not sure where i want to start bc there so much to this whole situation with Logan and Williams but I'll firstly discuss today's fp1.

I hate what media portraying Williams got, yes they fucked up and critique is fair but there much more than just critique online. I tend to believe that the gave logan repaired chassis not bc they disrespect him but bc his car is tuned to alex and tune new one to him is faster than redoing both of them. It may give him some disadvantages that it's too bad. The part that I'm really sad about is that Williams didn't clarify any of this and we never gonna know for sure. It all doesn't exclude possibility of this just being decision but somehow i find it unlikely.

Another part that i have a lot of emotions about is today's crash, i hate it and people's responses so bad bc firstly we never gonna know is it car or logan bc once again we can't be sure with how Williams talked about it, but even if it was logan i can hardly blame him bc amount of pressure on him js insane.

He wasn't ready for f1 when he was brought into it, everyone already said that. Plus he constantly compared to oscar which isn't fair, you can look at their cars for example (bc in this sport they matter a lot, fact that somehow a lot of people forget) or where their teams are. I remember how in f3 oscar told that he was excited to fight with Logan and that shows for me that logan can do better it's just his circumstances that are unfortunate. He's season in f2 also was really good, he obviously couldn't get first place with domination of filippe but he still did his best.

Another thing about f2 is how much pressure he had there because Williams announced him as their f1 driver even before season finished and it put Logan on a spot bc he could actually become that driver only if he finishes in top three. And he did!!

But you can see how than, in his first f1 season and eveb now amount of pressure doesn't go down, he constantly needs to prove himself or he'll get kicked out of sport, same sport that his family sacrificed all for him to get in.

I absolutely don't understand his haters, especially those that compare him to alex at least because comparing them is stupid with this big of experience gap. Same discourse i see about lando and oscar which is also stupid because at the moment lando is objectively better at least because of his experience, and oscar doesn't need to be better than him, he needs to learn and get that experience himself for any comperasing to make sense.

Big problem with Logan is that he can't get that experience to grow as a driver, even alex said that it isn't stange that he crashes that much in his first season bc Williams car is hard to work with. It was Alex that said that, same person that car was made for so i think it's pretty good evidence. Also that was ghe reason why u was very excited to see Logan this year because he would finally have car that made for him as much as it was made for alex. And then the season started :)

In first two races he couldn't prove himself in any way bc of the reasons that wasn't in his control and what happened in Australia is just horrible for him as a driver. But i really hope that his patience will help him to hold his seat for the next year. As much as it sucks right now if him helping the team can improve his chances for the seat next year than it matters most, bc even of he has shit year he could have another one to prove himself ( which i think will absolutely happen at one point or another of his career if it continues)

In the end i want to add that i believe that James have good intentions bc even knowing how negative internet going to be he made that decision in Australia for the team. As logan fan i was very sad about it but i hope that with same good intentions for team he will keep logan that already shows how supportive he is to the team and with their growth it's probably exactly who they need at the moment

#logan sargeant #williams racing #williams f1 #oscar piastri #also i want to acknowledge that even being a fan of Logan he's not the same as oscar who “gonna become future WDC” so just fyi #alex albon #also it actually was so bad when Logan said that it was hardest race weekend in his career in Australia after Qatar 2023 #pls can my dude just catch a break #and some points #also i loosely quoted Alex and oscar I can't actually remember where exactly they said that but if anyone needs it I'll find sources #i just have too much info in my head #if anyone have anything to add or discuss I'll be happy to see it

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scintillyyy · 12 days

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anyway for funsies, i did fill out the assessing your parent's emotional immaturity questionnaire for jack & janet (& dana!) because again, i don't feel they were. quite as bad as they're oft accused of. (also. i'm on the side that at least they were probably more emotionally mature than bruce lmao lmao)

(as always this is subjective and based on my intepretation of them)

-My parent often overreacted to relatively minor things

so to start, we have no proof of this for janet (& she doesn't get mad at Tim showing up randomly at a dig site in batman #134. she does get pissy with jack during rite of passage but that's also probably reactionary to jack being jack & being dismissive of her which he shows more than once in the interaction we do see, so no it is. jack is. arguably a yes here bc he does have a tendency to do nothing or take the nuclear option. dana's a pretty solid no)

-My parent didn't express much empathy or emotional awareness

we're going to go no for janet & dana (they both show empathy & emotional concern/awareness for how tim might be feeling in the interactions we see). jack is. hm. *arguably* a no. i think there's a definite argument for yes for him, but jack is generally shown as *aware* and concerned when his son is going through something & often worried about his son. the problem is he never learns from his moment fo clarity, not that they don't exist imo.

-when it came to emotional closeness & feelings, my parents seemed uncomfortable and didn't go there

definite no for janet & dana. very strong leaning towards "no" for jack. whenever there's a conflict they do end up skirting around the real issue between them (tim is robin), but every conflict is often followed up by an affirmation that jack loves his son & is proud of him (see: after tim runs away, the christmas dinner they have during the NML event, jack's dying words) so he might not say it often, but i don't get the impression he's super *uncomfortable* going there, it's just that he only sees the need to go there when there's a Good Reason.

-my parent was often irritated by individual differences or different points of view

gonna go with a hard no for all three of them. janet seems only supportive of tim's interests. dana too. jack is. well. for some reason people seem to picture him as a fire and brimstone evangelical conservative when the fact of the matter is that he's a financial conservative who just doesn't care enough about social issues over his financial concerns (lower taxes). he'll gladly donate to save the rainforest fundraisers because that seems like a good thing. he doesn't particularly care that tim is into computers and he's not? he's vaguely supportive of that & it doesn't seem to bother him tim is a nerd (don't @ me about him misunderstanding tim and taking him to sports games. i assure you. tim ALSO likes sports quite a bit). honestly if tim came home and declared himself a liberal, jack doesn't seem the type to get upset about it (because he would just chalk it up to tim being young--it would probably amuse him more than anything--"i was dumb in my youth too, son haha" sort of deal.). he has friendlyish banter with his wife about how boys are vs. girls are (they have different opinions on that) & takes her poking at his sexism in stride at the circus.

-when i was growing up, my parent used me as a confidant but wasn't a confident for me

hard no all three. we never see janet do this & tim feels comfortable confiding everything in her in batman 134. dana definitely doesn't. jack also doesn't use tim as a confidant *and* we see him explicitly be a confidant for tim least once (when tim is dealing with the gun at school, he decides it is a tim drake problem and goes to his dad for help *because* it is a tim drake problem. robin can't confide in jack, but tim can bring up school issues with his dad and expect he'll be listened to)

-my parent often said & did things without thinking about other people's feelings

debatable one. jack is arguably yes, as he has a tendency to think and make decisions without really considering tim's view. dana no. janet. ehhhh. we don't really have enough evidence to say either way. i lean towards no, because we see her have more concern about tim possibly feeling nervous at the circus && the very empathetic consideration of the drakes to dick in choosing to send him the final photo of his parents so they probably did think about other people with careful consideration & tim says they're the ones who taught him to care about people. however, janet was also complicit in sending tim to boarding school without thinking of whether he was happy (though jack implies janet wouldn't want him to be far apart from tim) & they didn't necessarily notice tim's ruminating on the death they witnessed (altough remember: they *also* have their own personal trauma surrounding this) so. they did do some things without considering their son first.

-i didn't get much attention or sympathy from my parent, except maybe when i was sick

ooooh hard controversial here & could go either way for all three of them! so, obviously the jack & janet going away for long periods of time definitely leans to yes for them as them not being there means tim didn't have their attention. however! hugely complicated by the fact that the times they were home they genuinely wanted to spend time with their son--taking him with them to the opera & art galleries & monstery truck shows, calling to talk to him whenever they arrived back and he was still in school, & they care about his grades and general wellbeing & think of him while they're gone. & jack often is shown care about tim outside of the big events whenever he's home. dana is also arguably yes--she does some nice things like remember tim's birthday & teach him how to make soup when asked but the far larger part of her character is that she's jack's girlfriend/wife & is very clearly *not* tim's mom--she & him both draw the line of she's his stepmom, not his parent--and so she also doesn't pay enough attention to tim & also doesn't think it's her job to intervene in parenting tim affairs to actually notice anything that's going on with him. as much as she likes tim, she is also perfectly happy to go on trips with jack & leave tim behind for holidays, & get engaged without talking to tim first, start secretly dating jack without talking to tim first, ignore jack's treatment of his son so she doean't really notice how hurt tim gets by him.

-my parent was inconsistent--sometimes wise, sometimes unreasonable

okay. hard yes for jack. 100% him in a nutshell. no for dana. we truly don't have enough evidence either way for janet, but leaning towards no as she's never shown to be unreasonable with tim.

-if i became upset, my parent either said something superficial and unhelpful or got angry and sarcastic

debatable yes for jack on the angry part, but i'm personally leaning towards no, actually. like jack gets angry with tim's perceived disprespect (ie/ the TV incident). but when tim gets mad at him, really mad at him, or is genuinely upset about something jack does at least attempt to be understanding and comforting. like, he was super afraid tim would be upset about dana & didn't try to diminish his feelings at all about that or expect he'd be okay with it or get mad if he wasn't (i mean. tim was fine with it. but.). surprisingly, a fairly solid yea from dana here because while i like her she's queen of the superficial and generally unhelpful kindness that doesn't usually actually fix things, just tries to smooth ruffled feathers. the easy way out. janet, we can guess a fairly solid no given she thinks about tim being upset first & getting him out of that upsetting scene asap above all else at the circus.

-conversations generally centered around my parent's interests

fairly solid no all around. we know that janet listened attentively to tim's story in batman 134. jack does sometimes prefer to talk about his intetest but he also does try to understand and talk to tim about computers & school so, you can't say that in general he only talks about what he cares about. he just sometimes talks about what he likes. like all people do. did you know that just as parents should listen to their kids about their interests, kids should do the same for their parents. it's the basic two way street of relationships. and a no for dana. she likes when tim talks to her about anything.

-even polite disagreement could make my parents very defensive

no for janet & dana. we have nothing to indicate that was the case with either of them. debatably yes for jack, he does tend to go on the defensive when tim is accusing him of bad parenting but he also almost always realizes he's in the wrong and ends up agreeing with tim (he just. never learns and grow. but he does have the capability of recognizing he's wrong sometimes and trying to make amends). also there's nothing that imo indicates he would upset at a polite disagreement (since his and tim's disagreements tend to get very heated on both sides). like if tim were like "i don't want to go here for dinner, i'd rather go here" he doesn't seem like he'd get all "oh, so my dinner choices aren't good enough i guess", he'd probably be normal about it. he's shown disagreeing with dana (& janet at the circus) & he's fairly normal about those times.

-it was deflating to tell my parents about my successes because it didn't seem to matter

super hard no, all three. they're all extremely proud of tim when he chooses to do the right thing. jack brags about tim to randos at bars. they're clearly the type to be very exuberant & effusive over tim doing well at something (i hate to even bring n52 jack & janet in here but they were very proud of his gymnastics achievements there.). think of how happy jack was when tim lied and said he joined footballm tim's successes matter to them.

-facts and logic were no match for my parent's opinions

leaning towards no, all three. dana and janet we don't know for sure, but there's nothing to indicate this was the case with either. jack. jack does have strong opinions but tim was also able to very easily convince him to move back to gotham during NML after tim ran away. dana is able to change his mind quite easily by talking to him. he's definitely my way or the highway but not near as unchangeable as people like to imagine.

-my parent wasn't self reflective and rarely looked at his or her own role in a problem

once again, no all three. janet and dana we have no proof of this (actually when janet was kidnapped she did seem to reflect on everything, so). jack. hm. this is definitely a more debatable no, but the problem with jack is that he's not allowed to grow in the narrative so he can keep conflicting with tim. but whenever they have a conflict he's constantly questioning his own role in it (tim runs away, finding out tim is robin). however war games + identity crisis show that he was finally able to mature enough to accept he was part of the problem so even if he did have some immaturity around this, this was on it's way to getting better. then he died. so we never got the chance to see if it would stick.

-my parent tended to be a black & white thinker, and unreceptive to new ideas

definitely a no for janet, per batman 134. also a no for dana, she tends to be a little more flexible. and even a no for jack? homeboy was rooting for the side of child heroes during sins of youth. he probably likes status quo as much as the next person, so i don't think he's near as inflexible as one would think.

so idk. like, do they all demonstrate some emotional immaturity? yea. a bit. jack's the highest for sure. he's definitely got at least a couple of these, maybe even as high as 5 or 6, depending on how shitty you interpret jack to be. also consider we only ever really see him after he's been through several highly traumatic events (which does not excuse by any means, but can help explain). dana & janet both demonstrate a couple each, but aren't necessarily huge offenders on the emotional immaturity checklist.

which. i guess with doing this it's like. i don't think their parenting needs to be pathologized or anything truly. they were just. not great parents at time. & i'm not diminishing the harm of the neglect on tim, i like talking about that too. but sometimes it seems that people want to diagnose them with like "oh, they didn't really want tim/kids after all, they hated responsibility, they were too immature, they didn't see him as a person, they couldn't handle parenting, they had these issues that meant they sucked, etc"

when realistically. they just probably made some tough choices trying to consider what would be better for their son (stability and good education of boarding school vs. traipsing all over the world with them while they fought constantly), which did end up giving him some trauma *despite* what was probably their best intentions. they can be doing their best & still cause hurt. they were probably very unprepared for the *entire family* to witness an incredibly traumatic event & the long-term issues that would cause for all of them. nobody wants their marriage to start failing & that adds another issue to try to manage within the family. parenting wasn't a skill they naturally excelled at. it doesn't need to be some huge thing. they're just humans. and they make mistakes. they don't act in ideal ways.

#i mean i'm sorry i genuinely don't get the pervasive idea that they didn't want kids when they're both #shown to be extremely happy he exists.#did they struggle with parenting tim yes. but that doesn't mean they didn't want him.#anyways dana got counted in this too bc while i love her #she's not the perfect unproblematic best parent ever tim had #she also got to suck a bit in her own unique ways #and hell. half the times she doesn't count for these is because she definitely saw tim as jack's son not her own.#did she like him? immensely. was she his mom? no they mutually agreed on that #she was his step mom who came into his life when he was a teen & happy with that.#and happy to defer to jack as tim's parent

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hibernationsuit · 1 month

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bad hair night

summary: Waking up from a 70 year long hibernation feels weird, but even weirder is finding out your spouse had been awake for a few months already, and has also been through a lot. And that he also has a new hairstyle. In other words, have Klara remembering some Earth things and playing with Toby's hair. tws: none

The captain's quarters were quiet, not counting the tapping sound of the mechanical keys as Tobias was typing something on his datapad, sitting on the bed, sometimes muttering something under his nose and filling a post it note after another, sticking them to a wall behind him.

Klara watched him for a while, remembering some moments back from Earth times, when she herself was so busy with work she couldn't stop herself from taking some of the paperwork home, most often to be done on the sofa while having some serial on the background. Sometimes work ended up being done in bed, way past the time she usually goes to sleep at, writing some kind of report while sitting comfortably in the middle of a pile of pillows, as some sort of emotional support.

Tobias was a night owl. Even if the did go to sleep at the same time sometimes, she knew it took him longer to fall asleep. On the evenings full of work he would usually let her work in peace, not to disturb the process or anything, especially at the beginning of her career. He'd usually either go do his own things, play with the cat or lay on the soft armchair in bedroom reading a book.

But after a while, as time passed and Klara's job got more serious, he seemed to have become more concerned about the whole thing and how it affected Klara. Tobias would come to the room after an hour or so, kiss her on her shoulder and softly whispef in her ear, saying how she should put herself first and go to sleep for her own good instead of wasting time on some boring paperwork.

What she saw now, in this little room on this weird space ship, seemed like a reflection of what happened back then, on Earth, somehow looking even worse.

While she rarely ever got into the little details of her work, for many reasons, Tobias knew what she was doing, maybe even why and what that meant. Here, though? She knew nothing about Halcyon. Or what it put her spouse through. What made him waste a good night's sleep on some kind of work he only seemed to take part in because he felt like he was the only one responsible for it?

The vicar's words didn't calm her, either. "Many things have happened," Max had said to her earlier today, when she asked him to tell her a little about what has happened for the past half year or more, "And I'm sure he'd rather tell you everything all by himself."

Tobias's hair was in a bun, grey streaks all pointing at its direction, except for the one stray hair that was hanging on his right side, more curly than the rest of his hair, definitely because he seemed to fidget with it a lot.

Klara had never seen him with long hair, except for some old photos. He always said that he wasn't really doing well back then, didn't really care about how his hair looked as long as it was washed and healthy. Didn't have the energy to do much else.

Was this the result of the same kind of situation?

Klara realized that the typing had stopped, and noticed Tobias looking at her. How long has she been staring at him while lost in her thoughts?

"Um, hey. Good evening," she said, and added quickly, "I brought a water bottle. From the fridge. And glasses."

Tobias smiled, probably the first time she saw him actually smile during the evening. "Hey there. Thank you so much," he picked up the datapad and placed it on the shelf. "Sorry, just had to get some things done. There's, um, so much to do. Clarke keeps sending me more files to go through and it feels like I'm slowly drowning in paperwork or something, heh."

"Need any help?"

"Wish I myself knew how to help me out, I think I myself am a bit too confused for all this," he chuckled, "Nah, I'll be fine. Just need a proper to do list or something, I guess. Everything will turn out fine."

Klara sat next to him and softly kissed his head. "How long have you told herself that?"

He stayed quiet for a moment, then replied quietly, "For too long."

"Oddly honest and straightforward reply from you."

"Honestly? Lied about it for more than half a year already, think that's too long..."

Klara leaned back to the wall. "Could've talked to that...vicar pal of yours? Surely they do therapy here."

Tobias laughed. "Law, not really, not like on Earth. First time I met him I asked him about it, and the only things he had to offer was 'work good laziness bad' sort of thing. It was ridiculous." He moved closer to her, slowly leaning down on the pillows laying behind him, head cozily laying on Klara's lap. "Max's changed after that though... We have talked a lot for the past coupls of months but honestly? I feel like every time I start feeling better this colony throws something even worse at my face."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I... No, not really. Not now. I need to figure out how to tell about..." he looked at the window, at the stars. "...all this. I don't think I could explain it all to myself either, and I was there."

"Understandable..." Klara murmured and stroked his hair. "Nice hairstyle."

"I need to get back to my old one, this feels a bit weird. Brings back too much memories. And it also tickles my neck and face at night making it even harder to fall asleep."

"Hm," she slowly untied his bun, causing Tobias to smile more widely. "Looks quite easy to take care of, though. And sexy. Maybe even fun to play with."

"Hah, very funny."

"I could finally learn how to braid hair, just to play with yours. Could make lots of small ones for fun."

"Mm, tell me more."

"Looking at you working in bed made me think of how I used to do that, and how you always came to nicely ask me to go the fuck to sleep..."

"Hey, I never said it like that...only that your job isn't letting you to rest."

"I did say 'nicely', didn't I. Anyway," Klara continued, "thought that it is now my turn to tell you the same thing."

"I am not going to lie, I really needed that..."

"It also made me think how you braided my hair before going to sleep. I know I mostly asked for it because it's more practical to sleep like that, but also... it's calming, relaxing. Definitely gets yout thoughts away from all the worries that you could have."

"Glad to hear that..." Tobias murmured and looked up at Klara, "Is that why you're playing with my hair now?"

"...Maybe..." Klara caressed his cheek, "Don't like it?"

"Noooo, on the contrary. It feels absolutely amazing..." He paused for a moment, smiling widely as she twisted a strand of his hair around her finger. "I used to hate it when people touched my hair. Since I was a child. Every time I had to perform on ice they made these annoying hairstyles that take a long time to make and hurt my head. But when you do something with it, it feels so nice."

"Good to hear. Then I'll keep doing it."

"Mmh, please..." Tobias whispered, sounding more desperate than usually as Klara moved her fingertips behind his ear, and slowly turned his head to let her reach the back of his head.

"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Maybe a bit too much...Maybe I needed this for a while... Or then I just dreamed of feeling your hands on me for so long..."

Klara didn't answer, didn't really know how to.

"First nights were the hardest... You really don't realize how used you are to fall asleep next to someone else until you're all alone in some spaceship's room. I don't think I got that much sleep during them. Only thought about you. It got a bit easier, but I never really managed to sleep well. Or feel well." Tobias continued, quietly, clearly trying his best not to let his voice quiver, yet failing at it. "There was this one thing we were doing on one asteroid and it...really hit close to home. Especially considering the project I last worked on. A story for another time, honestly. What I'm saying is - I went to check something out, alone, and got...injured by a merc. Badly. Another merc found me there, and afterwards she said how I was, um, muttering your name while I was barely conscious."

"Law, Tobias..."

"I guess what I'm saying is that I missed you so much. I don't think I've ever felt so alone before."

"Wish I could tell you I know how that feels, but I'd be lying."

"I hope you'll never know, honey. I- I'm so glad to see you again."

Klara smirked and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "I love you."

"And I love you, too."

#my writing #oc: tobias #oc: klara #the outer worlds #the outer worlds oc #teeheeee :3 ough #sorry i just woke up to post this so no thoughts in my brain yet. whatever enjoy. <3 #would love some comments btw bc i spent. a lot of time. on this. while i also have lots of other things to do

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horizon-verizon · 15 days

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Do you really think that the realm will support Jacaerys's claim eventually? After all the rumors about his bastardy are really strong and most TG stans claim that since Jace is a bastard he can't inherit anything, Jace needs to be legitimized first. I really like Jacaerys character and I'm new in this fandom, so this matter is so confuse to me.

Btw your post are amazing ❤️

Thanks, anon!

Answer to Question #1

I have many, many posts about bastardry and the boys' illegitimacy vs legitimacy: HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, & HERE. Basically, Jace is not really illegtimate bc illegtimacy must be "proven" and he was never proven to be. People have to argue/prove for it more than people having to argue whether or not one's hair is red or not. And

Jace was actually respected outside of his family (A Son for a Son"):

Several of those greens stans are not reading the damn text and refuse to see that Jacaerys was actually pretty admired by one of Rhaenyra's biggest supporters, Cregan Stark ("A Son for a Son"):

Also, Alicent had been, FOR YEARS, trying to get more people on her side and denounce or pressure either Viserys into removing Rhaenyra and her sons from the line of succession (both bk and show) or just get MOST of the lords at court and beyond to denounce Rhaenyra and her sons...and yet she had to resort to a usurpation, imprisoning courtiers and servants to withhold news of Viserys' death, pressured the council to crown Aegon after many lines of persuasion buttressed by Cole & Otto's input and wild accusations and assertions about Rhaenyra's sons, Daemon, and Rhaenyra not being actually the Queen...

I'd say that Alicent failed to convince anyone to really go against Rhaenyra by depending on the boys illegitimacy.

Answer to Question #2

Do you mean if Rhaenyra had ascended peacefully (no war at all, no usurpation) or had won the war with Jacaerys still alive when she did? Yes, he is her heir and the lords fought for her...they were a package deal. If you didn't want to have Jace as the next ruler, you would not fight for the person who names him as heir. Rhaenyra would have consolidated her reign and ensured her line's future better.

Now if we're talking about DURING THE WAR, Jace somehow survived but Rhaenyra did not/lost, I think there would have been a bit more difficulty without Cregan Stark, Jeyne Arryn, the Blackwoods, Vyprens, other lords who respected that their vows applying to Rhaenyra applied to her heir as well (bc again, they came as a package deal politically) and without as many dragons as the blacks had. Since most of the lords didn't swear to him but just to Rhaenyra, maybe some lords would use this as an excuse to defect or leave the war altogether because it stil costs them resources, some still will use this to justify how a male line goes before a woman's line, and/or they are just greedy AND cowardly and see this as they way to flagrantly ally themselves with the greens.

in the beginning. Bc the actual named heir/undoubtedly trueborn person is no longer there to enforce/support Jace's claim.

And once again, Cregan Stark made his Pact with Jace [2nd pictured quote above]...Cregan was a beast after the war and northerners are mad about their vow-taking, arguably more than "southern" folk. Cregan also liked Jacaerys very much from what's written about them--some fans theorize romantically, but whatever. He also had a higher emotional stake in it, which is an amplifying motive to the primary one about the Pact.

As for Jeyne Arryn, she was steadfastly loyal to Rhaenyra's cause because she was blood through Aemma, she would be helping to make sure her own position was securer from male relatives who already tried to oust her, and because Rhaenyra was a woman--like her. Women in a man's world an all that ("A Son for a Son"):

(Cregan also was interested bc he was having trouble with an uncle trying to oust him...succession things). Thus it could get easier for Jace to default back to him having been Rhaenyra's heir, he's never been "found out" to not be Laenor's , and he's a male dragonrider. again, this is if he loses most of Rhaenyra's supporters, bc it's still possible that he'd reatin the bigger and important ones.

Also, if Daemon somehow by some miracle managed to dispatch Aemond and come back...they'd likely fight with and for Jace anyway because Daemon is just loyal &--by reputation and action--brutal like that. Jace--less likely...key words--loses that many supporters of Rhaenyra's.

#jacaerys velaryon #asoiaf asks to me #westerosi society #westeros succession #westerosi bastards #rhaenyra's supporters #cregan stark #jeyne arryn #jacaerys velaryon's characterization #fire and blood characters #fire and blood #asoiaf #fandom critical #hotd fandom

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loveinamystery · 7 months

Text

I'm sick so you know what that means?

Another episode of...

✨️ Yohna moments I often think about ✨️

Moving another thread across to here and it is a Yohna one you lucky sausages. It is a long post, I'll apologise now.

Let's talk about this scene from the 2001 anime

Spoiler for main series and some elements of Flowers

This was a non manga scene added to the 2001 series. I honestly believe that this scene was added in replacement of the moment Anna asked to stay with Yoh the night before he lives for America.

I believe that the 2001 production team wanted to give Yoh and Anna a scene alone before he left for America. Something to show them acting like a couple. To show that actually they do care for each other. But it had to be done in the most Yoh and Anna way.

Now, Yoh and Anna are a very private couple. Everything happens behind closed doors. Yoh and Anna are not about big declarations of love or PDA. Be it Takei's choice to portray them like this, or his refusal to write full on romance we will not speak on it . So this scene had to be very 'them'.

I mean, I pray for the day we finally get some flashbacks of baby Hana in Middle East. I will not shut up about it. I just want to see them FIGHT TOGETHER. Or just working together as a team because I NEED IT. Just let them be a cute married couple please.

GIVE ME THE YOHNA SPIN OFF TAKEI! I KNOW ANNA IS ONE OF YOUR FAVS. STOP DENYING YOURSELF. BRING HER BACK.

*ahem*

Anyway, back to the scene.

The lead up to this scene is pretty interesting. During school, Manta picks up that Anna has been acting weird.

It amazed me that Yoh did not notice her acting a little off. But, to be fair to Yoh, he has been training very hard and is super tired. The gang had recently been to China to rescue Ren, so our boy must be pretty exhausted, and more than likely falling a sleep in classes.

But omg, he is so clueless. Please help this man.

I mean, either Yoh is so distracted with other stuff, or he doesn't think Anna would be affected by his departure. They lived so long apart back in Izumo so why would this be any different?

I believe that having now lived with each other, their relationship had changed and they are now closer. They act more like a couple. I'm pretty sure by now they have had their first kiss and spoke about their feelings for each other.

Please also offer some thoughts on clueless Yoh 🙏

That is until....

Manta outright tells the gang that he is sad that they will all be leaving.

Yoh, Horohoro and Ryu have been acting like it is nothing, and just a part of their lives. Ryu does tell Manta that they do feel sad but they are dealing with it in their own way.

I think this is where the realisation clicks in Yoh's head that actually, Anna could be feeling the same. That she is sad too, but showing it in her own way. Maybe she did want to spend time together that evening? But I don't think Anna would ever meaningfully get in the way of Yoh seeing his friends. She knows how important they are to Yoh.

Wanna take a walk with me?

Yoh might have been sitting on this idea since the meal out with the guys, and he waited till the last moment to ask Anna to go for a walk.

I think this shows how nervous Yoh is about exploring his feelings with Anna, because who goes out for a walk just before they go to bed? When they are already in their nightwear?

I think that, in the 2001 anime, the emotions are there, but they are teenagers figuring out their feelings for each other and how to express themselves. I'm a romantic, sorry

BUT LOOK AT THE BABIES!!!

Yoh is always a reassurance for Anna. She pushes him to become the best person he can become, and Yoh is always there to reassure and support Anna. They just work together so well. They are a team.

On their late night walk, they talk about normal stuff such as the Patch Village, the SK fight, Anna of course tells Yoh that he better not lose.

But I think there is more to be said about what they don't say, or hidden meanings.

This moment here

I tell you, I can hear the brain clogs ticking in that little Asakura head.

After seeing Anna is cold, Yoh presents her with a warm drink.

We know Anna is always ordering Yoh around, but she never asked him go and get her a drink. Is it one of the first times in the show we see Yoh just do something for Anna without her asking or ordering him to do so.

YOHNA BIG BRAIN THEORY MOMENT 🧠

I struggle to word this but I will try. I feel like Anna is trying to keep her true feelings unwraps (as usual), but this time she is doing it to Yoh.

Anna is cold and is seen as trying to keep herself warm. She doesn't ask for help. She doesn't tell Yoh that she is cold. It is her issue and she will deal with it on her own.

Now let's apply that to her emotions.

Anna has grown close to Yoh and is now sad that he is going to America. There is a chance that she might not see him again, but she just carries on as usual. She doesn't tell Yoh she is sad or express it. She knows Yoh has to focus, and it is his duty to progress in the Shaman Fights.

Yoh and Anna are often said to have an 'unspoken communication', and this was one of those turning points as a couple.

I feel like they became stronger after this. And look, I know the scene could be classed as non-cannon as it didn't happen in the manga but its here and I'm going to talk about it!

ITS WARM!

Like his love for her! 😭😭😭

I read too much romance guys. I'm too loved up. I'm sorry I'm like this.

BUT LOOK AT HIS FACE!!!

Tell me this boy isn't in love!

Tell me he isn't thinking how actually, he is pretty lucky to have someone like Anna.

And really, no matter what they are about to face, everything will work out.

I don't know man. I love the addition of this scene in the 2001 version. Likely one of my favourites, along with a selection of others.

I'll go back into my hiding hole now. That was longer than I thought it would be, and it you made it to the end, well done 😌

#shaman king #anna kyoyama #yoh asakura #Yohna #yoh x anna #I'm sorry its so long

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just-late-roman-republic-things · 3 months

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Hi!! I’ve been planning to start a (biographical) comic on Agrippa for some time (to be honest, it’ll probably be a few years before it’s released…there’s still so much research and design to do…and I have not moved my pen an inch yet…but the idea is Somewhat There!)!

As one of the blogs I’ve seen on Tumblr who speaks about him quite a lot (I actually found you while looking for Agrippa content on here several months ago…!), is there anything in particular you think would be interesting to explore (/anything you’d personally like to see) in such a comic?

At this point, my ideas aren’t fully solid yet, so I’m just asking around and brainstorming ideas, and you’re one of the first people who come to mind! (I do intend to place a lot of focus on his building projects, as well as his inventiveness and versatility, since I find that it’s an aspect of him that’s underappreciated in most media portrayals)

Thanks!! And sorry if this was a strange question :”

Not at all, it's very kind of you to think of me! I love the idea!

You've gotten both the writer-side and history-nerd-side of my brain going. I will respond as a writer first. And this post got long, even for me!

Find the things about Agrippa - or any other topic - that grab your attention. What scenes keep appearing in your head? What emotions come up, what thoughts keep you awake at night? Find the core of your inspiration, the thing you need to put into art, because you may need to summon that spark again and again. It will give you the stamina to complete what might be a very long project. It will also give you the strength to stay true to your vision, and tell the difference between helpful and unhelpful advice.

If you aren't sure what that is yet, that's okay. You'll figure a lot of it out as you go along. Make drafts or sketches or outlines early, whatever gets material onto the page, you can always change it later if needed. Take risks. Make mistakes. You get as many chances as you like.

Okay, now for the history nerd brainstorming, haha. The part you actually asked about. These are the thoughts that keep popping into my head when I think about Marcus Agrippa's life. You are welcome to use any, all, or none of them.

I'm a big fan of character-driven stories, which focus on emotions, internal conflict and relationships, whereas plot-driven stories focus on physical conflicts and adventures. Some stories are both character-driven and plot-driven. It may be useful to consider which aspects you want to focus on.

War. Agrippa was probably the most skilled general and admiral of his generation. On the one hand, that skill may be admired; on the other hand, he played a role in the deaths of thousands of people. How much do we fault or forgive him for that, given the circumstances of his time? Depending on the narrator's perspective, and your goals with the comic, Agrippa might appear heroic, villainous, or anywhere in between.

Proscriptions, imperialism and autocracy. Similar to the previous point. Agrippa's one of my favorite historical figures, but he was involved in some very dark stuff. He profited off the second triumvirate's proscriptions, he shut down independence movements from indigenous people in Gaul, Spain and Illyria, he supported King Herod of Judea, and Agrippa's competence helped entrench the Augustan regime and bring an end to the old republic. I don't say this to discourage you, but because I like morally murky characters, and perhaps you would, too.

Public service. On the other hand, there's no doubt that Agrippa did a ton of things to improve ordinary people's quality of life, and rebuild Rome and its provinces. His famous building projects provided jobs, infrastructure, and art to the community at his own expense, and he funded these projects for both Romans and non-Romans. The extent goes way beyond what was necessary to secure the Augustan regime's power, so I believe it's something Agrippa valued for its own sake.

Personality. Agrippa appears to have been very good at keeping his own counsel, getting along with people and avoiding personal drama. (He somehow remained on good terms with Mark Antony enough to let Antony arrange his first marriage!) That's part of what I like about him, but it can also make it hard to gauge what his own opinions were. And it makes him easy to project ourselves onto. This can be a good thing - it's partly why I find the Isekai Agrippa AU so funny - but it can also make it harder for us to identify a story's weaknesses, or accept critical feedback. All of us are biased in some way, so it's good to be aware of your biases so you can compensate for them.

Disability. Agrippa appears to have had some kind of "childhood lameness," according to Pliny the Elder, and it's not clear whether he grew out of it. He suffered issues with his feet later in life, too. I've always wondered how that must have affected him in the very ableist, toxic-masculine culture of ancient Rome, and it's an interesting parallel to Augustus' chronic illnesses, too.

Classism. There's some funky shit going on here, too. Agrippa was a "new man," and although he held Roman citizenship, his family were from the Italian countryside, and probably only gained citizenship recently. Despite being the #2 man in the empire, the old aristocracy looked down on him, and this tension was the primary obstacle to Augustus appointing him as a potential successor.

Family. We know little of Agrippa's family life, but the hints we get are fascinating. Pliny says he had a "miserable youth"; Augustus saved Agrippa's older brother from execution during Caesar's civil war; the brother pops up much later in a court case with Agrippa not taking his side; Agrippa refused to use his family name as an adult; and we hear nothing of his mother at all. (She may even have died in childbirth, since his was a dangerous breech birth and he was the youngest sibling.) He was also very closely associated with Augustus' family, to the point of being buried with them, moving in with Augustus, and appearing among their portraits on the Ara Pacis. Which brings us to...

Augustus. Indisputably the most important person in Agrippa's life. They were definitely close friends, possibly more? I'm working on a whole Google doc about that, and will post it here eventually.

There's a lot of fun anecdotes in Agrippa's life in the ancient sources. If possible, grab some ebooks of Cassius Dio's Roman History, Pliny's Natural History, Josephus' Antiquities of the Jews and Jewish War, and Appian's Civil War, then do a search for "Agrippa" and go wild. Lindsay Powell's Marcus Agrippa is also a good, if dry, collection of everything we know about Agrippa in one place, and it has plenty of detail about his building projects. You're also welcome to poke through my #marcus agrippa tag for ideas.

#just roman asks #marcus agrippa #writing #you can do it anon! i believe in you!#jlrrt essays

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rawliverandgoronspice · 9 months

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Okay, I just wanna say that Ganondorf in ToTK, despite not having Wind Waker’s pathos, is easily the best Ganondorf we’ve had (which is surprising considering some parts of the story). He’s terrifying whenever he shows his mug, he’s active and damn near omnipresent though Puppet Zelda and the Phantom Ganons/gloom spawns, and he’s easily the most unhinged take on the character we’ve ever seen. As for his motives, it’s as simple as turning hyrule into a chaotic hellish landscape where the only rule is that the strong thrive and the weak die, which isn’t really unique, but the landscape and monsters in the game kinda cements how bad that would be.

I get we were kinda expecting another Wind Waker situation, but what we got is great too because Ganondorf was great in Ocarina of Time and he too wasnt anything beyond pure near omnipresent evil.

I mean... I think it's as good as any a time to bring up a really important distinction to the way I critique stuff in general, which is that there's a part of interacting with art that is kind of is... true at a fundamental level? That fundamental level being the emotional response. Nobody can ever be more right or wrong for their emotional response, it's kind of non-debatable.

So I'm really glad TotK Ganondorf did it for you! I genuinely am. I actually loved some things about his incarnation; the musical motifs and the way they are integrated within the story (!!! so good), the concept of Fake Zelda, the actual final fight which I 100% agree is the best one we ever had (still love the TP one, but, the horseback part is a little eeeh and the swordfight could have been harder), his various designs, Gloom Hand and Phantom Ganon which are probably among my favorite parts of the game...

But yeah, I suppose I'm the kind of annoying player who needs a solid thematic framework to relax and accept the scenario proposed (the kind that is driven by mimicry and meaning, which is, I have to admit, especially hard and ungrateful to design for --and so is, often, completely ignored *sobs*). So I would have been completely fine with a Ganondorf without pathos, but one that did fit better within its own environment and countered the themes of the game and developed an ideological philosophy that you could solidly oppose, and not just treating him as an excuse to usher the gameplay forward (I mean, he did betray the gerudos which stranded him while you get to receive everyone's help, but he is not alone in practice! Every monster stands by his side! He may even have a more devoted and stronger support system than you depending on how you play the game). But that goes beyond Ganondorf: I had much trouble seeing past the self-referential and actually enjoy what Tears of the Kingdom had to offer in terms of emotional texture.

But yeah. Could not get behind the writing and a lot of choices in terms of... I don't know, the timing of his maniacal laughter, for example? I feel like a good maniacal laughter needs to be earned, and there's so many times where it just felt completely cheap to me? Even OoT Ganondorf, who had his share of cheap laughter moments, kind of had them work by the simple fact that they were here to directly mock us, the player, and our actions (if I remember well he only has two in the entire game: one after getting his way within the Sacred Realm, and one right before the final battle). We're not going over the extraordinary WW laughter, which is everything to me, but I also really enjoyed the kind-of-unhinged-but-sober take on TP Ganondorf, where he laughs only once and because he knows that he is close to losing probably. I think that was a great characterization, and I'm kind of sad they got rid of it to replace it with [insert maniacal laughter here] sort of approach that isn't specific to the character built over the years (except for the moment where he turns into a dragon, which was the one I liked the most --but it was greatly overused in my opinion).

So I really think his absence of specificy and the fact that his plans are pretty much nonsensical when you examine them for more than a minute, and the fact that he was all over the place and actually sparring with you and building direct grief with you in previous titles, where here I really wasn't sold on why I was supposed to invest myself in the situation besides a vague sense of duty and "that's what the game expects of me" really... didn't sell me the intimidation or the presence. There are a couple of iconic moments that I genuinely loved to see (the whole fist in the throat was GREAT, and perhaaaaps the "come at me" tho even THAT is self-referential grumble grumble sorry to be like this I'm genuinely sorry, the thought wouldn't even have crossed my mind if everything else about him wasn't a strange patchwork, but, it does pile up), but, I needed the framework to stand on its own to genuinely love him in this game.

But I'm really glad if he scratched the itch for you! Most people seem to agree too, which is great. I just... I mean, I am obviously invested in this not becoming the standard of quality. I think we could keep a lot of what worked here and add a scoop of better writing and thematic consistency, and I'd be on board way more already.

#asks #totk #totk critical #totk spoilers #when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#ganondorf #oot #wind waker #ww #tp #thanks for the ask!#yeah I'm sorry I was never going to agree haha #but it's fine! I completely can see why people would just ride the epic ride and not be bothered by the rest #I'm just too annoying to interact with media (including the media I work on this has literally Caused Problems)

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neerons · 3 months

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In regards to Kei's recent stories (and just his stories and him as a character overall), what do you think of how the writers handled his trauma and mental health?

It's clear that Kei is dealing with a lot of repressed emotions regarding what he went through along with his current state of mind and mental health. I think it's good he has Kaz and Yuzu by his side as well as the MC being supportive to him. The way I see how his story goes is that he HAS to confront the ghosts of his past in order to reach some sort of closure or at the very least learn to heal on his own. I think that's a great way for him to continue moving forward along with the MC.

But, when looking at his actions throughout the stories, it does bring some issues about how his trauma is dealt with and whether or not it's the healthiest way for him to heal or cope. Not to say the writers are doing anything bad or have any malicious intent, but I can see how some people would think that this kind of writing comes off as ignorant to trauma and mental health. No story should be absolved of criticism even if they are praised, especially ones that deal with trauma and mental health.

I can understand the praise his stories get for tackling such heavy themes and topics. But I can also understand the criticism for how the writers depict Kei's trauma and mental health in a way that may not be the best for him to cope with.

What do you think?

Hello!

There are a lot of things to be said about this, but overall, I think this story is very intelligent in its way of handling mental health and trauma. It's also the first time that I'm reading such a unique romance story that manages to make you ponder on the meaning of love so deeply, as we delve into Kei's world and the horrible truths that founded it.

I agree with you when you say Kei has to confront his past to reach closure and finally be himself. He’s even said it himself at some point, that he needs to finish things with his enemies and especially Caleb, the one who triggered his trauma in the first place.

Although I can understand the concern and criticism you mentioned about how his trauma is handled, I don't agree with it, and I'll explain why.

To help understand things better though, I have a few questions to ask to clarify things (only if you're willing to send another ask, there’s no pressure of course). What moments do you refer to when you say Kei's actions might bring issues as to how his trauma is dealt with, and about how the story can be seen as ignorant towards mental health? Could you give specific moments of his stories that would support these ideas? It's to help me understand what people (or maybe you?) are criticizing here.

Concerning why I disagree with these criticisms about the topic of mental health being written in an ignorant or imperfect way, firstly I have to say that I don't particularly read comments in the app or see posts about Kei, so I don't know what criticism from readers you are talking about specifically. Or maybe you're simply wondering if people would find this story troublesome. However, if readers did show concern over how his trauma and mental health is being dealt with, I'd say it's simply logical that he doesn't handle it in the "best" way since he has to overcome this on his own, and then along with his trusted friends and beloved.

It was specifically mentioned in the story that mental health professionals ran away from him because his issues are so deeply ingrained and difficult to comprehend that it just seemed impossible for them to help him. Needless to say that Kei’s position in England and at MI6 should give him access to the best of the best (elite) professionals, so if even these people can’t help him, he can only try to do his best on his own.

[SHE 2, Sacrificial Lover]

Among the things you said, I have to react to this sentence: "I can also understand the criticism for how the writers depict Kei's trauma and mental health in a way that may not be the best for him to cope with."

In general, most people who have mental health issues wouldn't know how to cope or overcome them on their own. Coping and healing from trauma is a process, and let's be honest, it's an ideal. Knowing how to cope with or overcome your inner demons is a bumpy road with many obstacles. There are moments of withdrawals from the healing process and sometimes people try methods that aren't healthy to get better.

I don't see how the story could be enjoyable and relatable if Kei did everything in the healthiest way possible as well. It wouldn't be realistic in the first place for him, since what he deals with isn't a trauma that's common to see or to experience. He is also depicted as self-sacrificial, which LITERALLY explains that he doesn't put himself first. In these conditions, why would people point out Kei's unhealthy behavior towards his trauma as if it was not to be expected? I believe it was intentional.

The writer actually did an awesome job of showing his flaws. If people disagree with the writing that depicts Kei's ways of coping with his trauma, then in my opinion they're simply looking for a perfect representation of how to deal with mental health, with no flawed characters, and they didn't understand the story and Kei's personality.

Kei's story is literally about him handling his troubles through blood, sweat and tears. The story is also about him running away from his past instead of facing it. He walks a path towards his Eden with the intention of resolving his issues of dissociative amnesia and of people linked to his past. Does he handle his trauma in the best way? No. Does it make sense that he handles his trauma in an imperfect way? 100% Yes.

At the end of the day, does Kei want to be freed from his trauma only for his own self and peace of mind? Definitely not. It’s for MC, and I would argue that it’s also for his loved ones. He wants to be "normal", and he has wanted to be that for MC. He wants to live his love but without the shackles of the past that hold him back. He also wants to protect MC from any more danger since Caleb could strike again. He can’t afford to be weak. So of course he wants to rush things, repress his emotions, and put himself in danger to keep others safe. That's the whole point of his story. These ss show this:

[SHE 2, Sacrificial Lover]

Instead of going through a slow, steady and healthy process of getting better, the man is speedrunning it all to finally live with the person who made him feel alive and experience love. He's desperate. It's bad for him, but it's a natural behavior, don't you think? Why would people criticize this representation of mental health for showing bad coping mechanisms, when this is exactly this sacrifice that makes this story so emotional? It’s also something he needs in my opinion. He needed to face everything once and for all, to finally be "normal" like he so wishes.

Honestly, and in my opinion at least, I find that in today’s era people often find something to criticize when the subject is about mental health. Not everyone who suffers from mental health struggles go through the same process and treatment. Kei's story shouldn't be compared to more common cases of people who go through and deal with traumatic memories in my opinion. He has a very unique and twisted past and has lived in an environment that not everyone with trauma has experienced. He has lived such a rough and horrific life ever since he was born. It’d be impossible for people to guess what he went through since it’s so specific.

Considering that, I believe it’s fair that Kei uses more "radical" techniques to calm himself. He’s mentally very strong. He has always been resistant against many things due to the poor treatment he had received. He could have come out of his experiences more fragile than ever, but instead he came out stronger, both physically and mentally. In this aspect, he’s very similar to his brother who was raised as a soldier. Given all these things, I fail to understand what is there to criticize about the writing of how he’s dealing with his mental health.

On a side note, I personally don't think works of fiction necessarily HAVE TO teach people or show them how to handle traumas or mental health crisis in the "ideal way". If the author wants to show a character who doesn't deal well with his trauma, he can. Fictions are meant for entertainment and all forms of human behavior can be explored freely. Like I said before, this is a work of fiction, things are very Hollywood-like and meant to have a certain aesthetic and theme. Some things are not always very realistic, so I don't understand why people make a big deal out of things when it tackles the subject of mental health, and I say this as someone who has studied psychology.

A good example of a game that I dislike specifically because they tackle every problem (including mental health problems) people can encounter simply to educate people: My Candy Love. While I do appreciate this game to some extent, I think the big problem is that they spend more time developing characters’ issues than the love aspect of the game, when building the love relationship is the whole purpose of the game. A game that belongs to the category of otomes or dating sims are not supposed to educate people on how to handle things in the best way. I find it incredibly boring to read. The point of these games is to tell a story. It should be for entertainment purely, and not disguise itself as entertainment to give lessons. At least that’s what I prefer in these games!

Thank you for this very interesting ask! I shouldn't have to mention this but just in case, I hope you were not upset that I disagreed with what you brought up (whether it’s your opinion or others’). My opinion is only mine, and us having two different ones doesn't mean it's uninteresting to discuss them, it’s actually very interesting. Thank you again, and I hope you have a lovely day ❤️

#ask #kei soejima #masquerade kiss #mk #voltage inc #love 365 #otome game #voltage #love 365 find your story #otome games #voltage otome #my candy love

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thissliceofnonsense · 9 months

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Donnie likes Magic... at least in the beginning. (First episode Donnie notes)

(All my Donnie-magic-arc notes from my rottmnt show notes. LOOK I HAVE EVIDENCE :3. This is mainly for future reference.)

Okie, Donnie's first words in the show are him using his science to support his brothers and be overdramatic.

Donnie has tech in his shell for when April needs a ride, meaning that, again, he is constantly making tech to help others, along with his own interests.

(Also the way he flies? So overdramatic princess-y. I love him. And I can't take screenshots for some reason. Sadness. )

They do have rehearsals for 'if they come in contact with humans'. So.... do they worry about that? Also, Donnie never goes to them. I can relate. Things I find unnecessary that I take away from my 'writing time' are things I try to avoid at all costs.

Donnie screaming 'Fibonacci' or just being happy and showing off his tech makes me so sparkly inside.

(I'm not even five minutes into the first episode.... this might take awhile)

Donnie's tech does not work, he tries but it does not work a ton. Which I love. Our favorite/ special things not working, or just not being that great is something I relate to a lot/ want to see more in media. It's the thing we base our lives on. It HAS to be good. Otherwise, what's the point of our existence?

Yes... I kin Donnie.

All of Donnie's lines are immediately iconic in my brain

Donnie again tries to make things better with his tech abilities

When Donnie 'insults' his brothers. ('You guys are fools') He'll say something positive about it later. ("You beautiful fools') he's basically doing /pos all the time.

Donnie, upon finding the hidden city, says "Exactly what I expected." (At 11:37) Meaning that he is a cryptid theorist confirmed. He has theorized about the existence of mystic beings since before they found the hidden city.

(I will do another "Why Donnie dislikes mystic powers" later, because this gives me the notion that Donnie dislikes mystic powers the same way some physicists dislike quantum mechanics or the Copenhagen interpretation of it. It doesn't make sense. It contradicts and he can't figure it out, that wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for his brothers immediately getting it. In the AU, I would have an 'episode' where their mystic powers start making Donnie inconsequential. They already don't listen to him most of the time. And now his tech doesn't help anymore....

anywho that's for later, back to episode one!)

According to Donnie's calculations, they are in a 'Tertiary metaverse'.

A google search revealed nothing on that. But ..... DONNIE HAS CALCULATIONS FOR THESE SORTS OF THINGS, AAA-

Donnie loves Draxum's lab. Specifically, the color scheme and the style. These two would get along so well.

Donnie has high grade titanium, how did he get high grade titanium?

(my headcannon is that he goes on 'shopping trips' with his siblings, mainly April, sometimes Mikey. And he steals things.)

DONNIE IS NOT AGAINST MAGIC IN THE FIRST EPISODE WAT.

He seems awed. At 14:41 he says "it's like mystic and science had a baby"

OKIE OKIE, here's my headcannon.

Originally Donnie was a science person (obviously) but he was like - "well there's no definite evidence that cryptids and magic AREN'T possible. I mean... black holes and quantum mechanics make no sense. Science does wild things sometimes, why can't these things exist? And you know what? I'm going to prove it!"

But then he actually SAW mystic powers and everyone else doing really well with it. Replacing him. And while his prior experiments with the crystal have led to good results in tandem with his goggles, but when he tries afterwards, it doesn't work. (Because mystic powers are based on emotions and he's frustrated.) That's weird. Science should lead to definite, predictable results.

So *character arc*

His tech is constantly on the fritz in this episode. Mainly his tech bo. Maybe that's a newer piece? His battle shell seems to work fine. I think that may be one of his first pieces of tech, and the flying part looks like what would become Shelldon in the future.

AND, I think he gets better at making his tech in the future, while still making mistakes :D

Plus, his tech being on the fritz, makes his whole "they care more about what I can do for them than me"/needing to be useful, and fix things, mean that much more.

Also also, I'm basing above off of the fact that the siblings like his tech, but don't trust it, and they often don't exactly listen to him that often ('DONNIE NOT HELPING!') Which I feel like would hurt after some time. Also this post.

Donnie goes to his phone after his achievement of his tech bo working, he's probably documenting his success + photo archives + data points.

Mikey gets bored of the Villain banter really fast. Donnie wants his own world to keep working as it does and just coast along with his family while still 'spending time with them' (I can HEAVILY relate... or maybe I'm just projecting, but wanting to be in your own world while being around others is literally my whole life in a nutshell.)

Mikey's mystic weapon is a cackling fireball gremlin that is absolutely uncontrollable. Everyone (including Donnie) thinks it's REALLY COOL

#rottmnt #rise donnie #rise donatello #look at this big anaylsis #I'm proud of myself #Eventually I hope to have a really in depth commentary and a bunch of fan theories.

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romanarose · 5 months

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If You Wanna Be Wild: Chapter 5

Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader x Santiago Garcia

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Summary: Javier, Candy, and Santi kiss and make up. Except Javi and Santi don't kiss. Yet.

Reader speaks Spanish and has hair. I've decided Candy is just latina bc she's a sex worker in Colombia so this is what I'm doing. Reader also has curly hair and dark skin.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS!: Santi's panicy trauma response. Nothing crazy he just needs Javi to like him so so bad. Food and eating. SMUT! Fingering, reach around hand job, multiple orgasms, edging, praising, talking you through it, talking HIM through it, more hints at homoerotic subtext.

Thank you as always to my beloved Fen <3 I couldn't do this without your encouragement.

2.5 words

A/N Since I am apparently an incomprehensible writer, please know that the lst smut scene here is not a threesome, it's Javi fingering Candy and Candy flashing back to her giving Santi a reach around handjob. I wanted to compare and contrast the way the two pairs care for and pleasure each other. but it came across as a threesome :(

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******************************

Santi and Javier had been working in total silence for 4 hours.

As soon as Javi had walked in, Santiago looked up from his paperwork with his large eyes attempting to catch Javier’s but to no avail. Javi ignored him, and continued to ignore him most of the day. He felt bad, he really did, and he missed his friend. It was hard sitting across two desks pushed together, and seeing Santiago right there looking so sad was difficult. Santi was fidgety, unfocused, obviously not paying attention to his work. He’d stare at a page for ages, knee bouncing almost in time to his tapping finger. The boy was going to drive him insane.

Noon hit, and Javi went to lunch, walking down the street to a cart to grab a empañanda. Fuck it, some churros too. His doctor said he needed to start watching his sweets, but it’d been a week. He’d burn off some calories with someone tonight. Not wanting to go back to the office during his lunch hour, Javier walked a few blocks to a small park and parked himself under a tree for some shade as he stuffed his face.

Javier tried to pinpoint exactly what had made him so angry at his young coworker. Maybe part of it is the betrayal. Santi went through his things, his contact information and found one of his girls. His. Candy was his. Javier Peña took pride in protecting his girls, whether or not they were his informants. Helena’s attack had scarred him, the image of her beaten and naked body was something that kept him awake at night. He couldn’t let that happen to Candy. Javi had tried to check in on Helena, knowing the DEA had gotten her a visa to the US, but she wanted no contact with him. Maybe it was the fact: if Santi found his contact information for his girls, and that meant that anyone could. What if it had been a drug lord? Lorea knew the DEA was after him next, what if they had found Candy and brutally raped her like Helena, or killed her?

Javier flicked an ant off his arm.

Maybe it was the fact it felt like he didn’t really know Santi. He called him Pope as a nickname, a call to his church going, the way he was nearly a blushing virgin, he always avoided his eye with topics of sex. The young, naive kid he knew was soliciting prostitutes? It was hard to justify the two pictures in his head.

Maybe it was the fact it was Candy. Candy of all people. Candy was special to him, a favorite and someone he enjoyed seeing even outside of sex.

Or maybe it was that fact it was Santi. His partner, his friend, someone he trusted with his very life and liked working with.

He knew both of them, he knew they would connect. He knew they would enjoy each other's company, he knew they’d treat each other well… How could Candy not want someone like Pope? Some as good as Santiago, as kind, as attractive…

Shaking the thoughts away, Peña gathered up his trash, shoved the rest of his churro in his mouth and returned to the pulpit to sit in silence for another 4 hours. Then he saw Santi.

For the first time that day, Javier got a good look at him when he stepped under the arch of the open doorway and watched the boy as he acted, thinking he wasn’t watched.

Santiago was a fucking mess. He had bags under his eyes, his normally well dressed and ironed shirt was wrinkled and it was evident Santi had not shaved since the start of the weekend a few days ago. Santi’s face was always well groomed, a trim, neat mustache surrounded by freshly shaven cheeks and neck showing off his youthful skin; now he looked older. Tired. Worn out. He hadn’t even worn a tie. Nervous ticks were all over him, but what got Javier was that Santi hadn’t moved.

He hadn’t eaten yet.

All his anger at Santiago melted away, and Javier felt sorry for him.

“Haven't you had enough calories today, Peña?” The lady at the food cart said.

Javier rolled his eyes as he paid the money. “It’s not for me.”

She glanced at his stomach; it was not as flat as it used to be, that’s for sure. “Sure.”

As Javier approached the open door of their shared office again, he made sure to squeak his shoes so Santi knew he was coming before he rounded the corner.

Without looking up, Santi muttered his first words of the day. “You’re late. Your lunch is only an hour, you know that right?”

“I took part of yours, since you didn’t go.”

Santi muttered something about actually doing his work, but Javi knew today had been Santi’s least productive day since starting. He tossed the brown paper on Santi's desk, and at first Santi begins to complain about the grease on his paperwork, but then he opens the bag.

“What’s this?”

“Your lunch.”

Santi looked up to him, his endearing youth still evident despite the disheveled appearance. “You brought me lunch?”

Javi tried to wave him off as he sat down. “Don’t worry about it.”

The younger man stared up at him, mouth hesitating as if he wanted to say something, but then stopping, then starting, then stopping, then- “I’m sorry!” The words begin spilling out of him. “I’m sorry I went through your things, I really really am! I just didn’t want someone random and-

He raised a hand to stop him. “Garcia, stop. Listen…” He shook his hand and leaned against his desk. Santi looked up at him, desperate and wide-eyed, mouth parted. “She was right. I can’t control her… or you. It’s none of my business who you see…” Javi clears his throat. “And you are still seeing her?”

Santiago stood up, frantic still. Javier wasn’t into weed, but he thought Santi needed to have a smoke. “I’ll stop! Just say the word and I’ll stop!”

“No, Garcia, I get it. I know how it is with her, she’s special. Candy’s important.”

“Not as important as you!”

Santiago’s sudden admission shocked Javier. What did he mean by that? Did he mean… no, Santi wasn't like that, right? “What are you talking about?”

“I mean…” His excited edge gave way to anxiety. “I just mean, we’re friends, right? Partners. We have a good thing going right now and I don’t wanna ruin it.”

Oh. “I see.” He couldn’t help feel a little disappointed. “Yeah, we do have a good thing going. Let’s just drop it, alright? I doubt Candy will schedule us on the same day again. We can just pretend it didn’t happen.”

Javier was already moving to sit at his desk as Santi eagerly agreed. “Yes! I- uh, I mean, yeah, perfect.”

Javi snickered a bit. They sat in silence for a moment before Javier decided to bring it up just one more time… “Just… be careful, alright? And treat her good?”

“I do.” Santi was quick to assure. “And I’ll be careful.”

The knock on your door made you immediately nervous. No one just showed up, except Señora Perez bringing leftovers for you… when you peaked through the peephole and saw a nervous looking Javi, you sigh. Dumbass. Annoying dumbass. Annoying dumb who fucked really well and was actually super sweet and you enjoyed his company most days…

“I know you’re home, Candy.” Of course he did.

You open the door, immediately crossing your arms and leaning against the door frame. “What do you want? Santi isn’t here.”

“I know.” He assured you, then held out a rolled up, large poster. “I wanted to…” Apologize? Javi didn’t say he was sorry. Wasn’t the type. “I brought you this.” He held out the rolled up paper.

Tentatively, Javier held out his gift, which you took suspiciously. It was the Audrey Heffburn poster he promised you. “Javi… I thought you’d throw it away after how I yelled at you…” You were touched at how he thought of you, bringing you posters of artists he knew you loved to liven up your apartment.

“Never, querida.” He promised. “And I’m sorry for making a scene in your home, in front of your neighbors.”

You smile softly, relaxing a bit. He was so kind, so handsome… “I forgive you, just mind your business next time, comprende?”

“Comprendo, Candy.”

Your body language eased. “You and Santi kiss and make up?”

Javier couldn’t help but smile a bit at that. “Si, minus the kissing.”

“You’ll get there.” You wink, and make enough room in the doorway. “You wanna come in?”

Of course he did. He always did. And you always wanted him to.

Javi spread you open. After he sat you on his lap, you wrapped your legs around him and as he spread his legs, yours went with it. It was tender, the way he touched you, calloused fingers running the length of your body and taking you apart on his fingers. Whiskers tickled your neck as he nudged, fingers entering you. Filling you. Taking you. You were his.

And Santi was yours.

You played with Santi’s body, controlled it the way Javi controlled you. From behind. He liked it between your legs, that much was obvious. His hands, his cock, his face. He belongs there. Earlier today he had sat there, his ass between your naked legs with your back to your bed frame, Santi’s back to yours. He felt so good like this, his body firm and young and supple in your grasp and god, you loved having him. It’s no wonder Javi loved taking you like this, on his lap.

Javi liked you on his lap, liked you open for him. Your whole body. He loved to feel you clench around him, himself fully dressed and while you were completely naked.

It was different with Santi. Both of you lay bare as you jerked him off. It was vulnerable this way, both of you naked and open to each other. Santi was so vulnerable… you wanted to protect his sweet little heart, to take care of him, hear him whimper and whine just as he did now as you tease him.

You wanted Javier to devour you, to take you fully and leave nothing left, you needed to be consumed by him… and consume you he did. Javi’s mouth left nowhere untraced, your shoulders, your back, your neck, it was all sopping wet with his sloppy kisses, long fingers pumping into you.

Your fingers wrapped around Santi’s cock, swiping over the slit dripping with pre-cum in his excitement for you… That excitement excited you in turn, his enthusiasm to be explored and used… and you were grateful for him. You let him know it.

“Pretty boy, being so fucking good for me.”

“Pretty girl, being so fucking good for me.” Javier praised when you don’t cry out at the little nibble he took at your throat as he applied pressure to your clit. He knew just how to tease you, to build you up so high that your crash would be blinding. “Not yet, baby,” He coaxes you.

“Not yet baby,” You coo at Santi, tightening the base of his cock to stop his orgasm. “Can you wait just a little longer please? I want you to cum so hard, Santiago, want you to fucking explode on my hand.”

“Y-yes,” he agrees, breathy and desperate but so, so good. He was your good boy. “I can do it, Candy, I can.”

You felt up his chest, his pecs, his tight and perfect body as you jerk him. “I know you can, Santi.”

“I know you can, Candy.” Javi growls in your ear, stubble scratching at your face. “Give me one more.”

You whine, over sensitive from two orgasms on his mouth, but no less hungry for another, no less desperate for the sweet release on Javier’s fingers.

“S’too much!” Santi’s hips thrust into yours, his body beginning to writhe just as you had in Javi’s.

“It’s okay, baby, you can do it.” You coo at Santi just as Javi coos at you. Then, you both give your command. “Come for me.”

Your orgasm was blinding, clenching down on Javi so hard you weren’t sure how he could move his fingers, cum dripping out of you and onto your shitty plywood floor.

“Oh, good girl,” Javi praises. “Just feeling that pussy cum, I know it must feel so good, doesn’t it?”

“Feel’s so good, doesn’t it?” After half an hour of edging, Santi cums so hard he choked a sob out and you have to keep one arm wrapped around his slim body to keep him steady. Rops of warm cum spill out of him, covering your hand.

Javier licked his fingers clean of your um. Without so much as a care to his own erection in his jeans, he picks you up and carries you to your bed. You’re sleepy… Why were you so sleepy? Javi didn’t need to ask, finding a night dress and pulling in over you on the bed.

“Javi, let me take care of you.” You ask, tiredly. He simply gets a warm cloth to clean you up.

Sliding out from behind Santi, you make sure to place plenty of pillows under him as he relaxes back. You wash off his cock, then get in the blankets with him.

“What about you?” He asks, soft and sweet and so, so sleepy, his fingers going to the band of your pants, but you stop him.

“Sleep, precious boy.”

“Sleep, baby.” Javi kissed your forehead.

“But you didn’t even get off! C’mon, I’ll just hang my head off the bed-” You’re mostly teasing, smiling up at Javier and giggling, but he stops you.

“Rest.” It’s firmer now. “Consider this an apology.”

“Well can my apology also include you cuddling me.”

Javier smiled at that. “If you insist.”

You laid with Santi as he took a short siesta, finishing his time napping in your bed with you around him, your fingers trailing his perfect body, taking inventory of every scar. He sure had a lot of burns on his arms for a career military boy. Maybe he was a cook in high school. Good boy like him would get a part time job… so responsible. You hoped you were able to help him let go of that responsibility, if only for a little. He deserved to be wild sometimes, even if he had a lot to learn.

Javi held you until you fell asleep, remaining fully clothed and fully closed off to you. When you woke, he was gone and to your relief, he didn’t try to pay you, outside of the poster he hung up for you.

It was the first time you two had done anything that wasn’t transactional.

**************************

Thank you all for your patience, I was, WOW I WAS GOING THROUGH IT LMFAO IT WAS BAD. So I appreciate your patience as I get this out. You probably will not see anything from my as far as fics for like 2 weeks until finals are over since I am writing a fuck ton of essays. HMU in two weeks if you wanna learn about Aimee Semple McPherson or the satanic panic bc i gotta write a min 12 pages on EACH.

Anyway, until then, happy holidays! I hope you all have a wonderful and safe season celebrating any of the variety out there, or just enjoying time off, seeing family, or winter activities!

If you are in any of the horrifically dangerous areas in the world right now, know I am praying for you, and I hope you are safe.

Thank you to Fen, to Mona, to Clem, and all the people in the Oscars House Of Whores discord and the Pedro Pals discord for encouraging my insanity with these three!!! I really love the dynamics before Santi Javi and Candy and love writing this story, even if it takes me forever.

Since I like doing polls....

@runa-falls@lunar-ghoulie @campingwiththecharmings @whatthefishh @persephone-girl @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @beelzebeth87 @pimosworld @millerscoffee @heareball @thatwonderouswoman @poolbo @meveispunk @lovable-liar @millllenniawrites @read-and-wip @missdictatorme @the-fox-den @milkymoon2483 @k-ra @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @rosellacwrites @legendary-pink-dot @dreamingofbucky @axshadows @englandsgray @starsthatwatch @fairlyang @alwaysmicado @theywhowriteandknowthings @casa-boiardi @lostfleurs @ninebluehearts @puglover12 @sub-aro @laiisleitte @itspdameronthings @heareball @comfortlessjoy @csarab615 @calaveramangonda @bit-dodgy-innit @stevngrant @nanfafnan @kirsteng42 @mrsjavierp @nanfafnan @lovable-liar @axshadows @cookielovesbook-akie

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childe-the-harbinger · 2 years

Text

・❥・When they find out you're lacking motivation

╰┈➤ Synopsis-- You we're struggling to even get out of bed in the mornings. You were rapidly losing motivation and didn't know what to do. That's when these characters heard what was happening and came to see if you were okay.

╰┈➤ Gender neutral reader

╰┈➤ Venti , Albedo , Kazuha , Ayaka , Keqing , Diluc , Heizou , Kokomi , Yae , Ei

╰┈➤ Warnings -- being depressed , lacking motivation.

: ̗̀➛ Venti was very quick to catch on. Cmon, He's the anemo archon. He's been alive for a while and he knows what it means when somebody won't leave their home for a prolonged amount of time.

: ̗̀➛ He immediately thinks to go to your home to check in on you. He brings some food because he suspects all you've eaten was junk for the past week or two. He gets your favorite dish from Great Hunter and then goes to see you.

: ̗̀➛ When he gets there, he sits you up in your bed and gives you your dish and asks what's wrong.

: ̗̀➛ "Oh, my dearest friend, what's wrong? You can tell me anything and I promise I'll help as much as I can. Believe me!"

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Albedo notices how whenever he hung out with you at your home, you seemed sluggish and didn't really speak as much.

: ̗̀➛ Believe it or not, He's really good at psychology and reading people. He didn't have to be a genius to know something was up, but he couldn't just ask infront of everyone. He didn't want you to feel embarrassed.

: ̗̀➛ He invites you to a secluded area with pretty scenery. When you both get there, he starts asking questions such as "Are you okay?" and "Do you need to talk?"

: ̗̀➛ Though he can't understand others emotions well, it doesn't mean he doesn't know how to cheer someone up. He lets you lean on his shoulder and talk about how you feel and responds with an occasional nod, not wanting to interrupt.

: ̗̀➛ "I see.. I'm glad you came out here. It must've been difficult. I promise to invite you on these kinds of trips more often so you have a reason to get out of bed. How does that sound?"

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Kazuha was staying in your home with you for a short break in his traveling. He wanted not only to avoid the bad weather and pain of camping outdoors, but also to see you.

: ̗̀➛ He noticed how you were not really up to do the things he suggested you both did and got concerned, especially when you said you weren't feeling well enough to go on a date with him at the fanciest restaurant that you had loved.

: ̗̀➛ Like the gentleman he his, he brought you flowers and a card and left it on your bed when you were getting food, and when you returned to your bed, he hugged you tightly.

: ̗̀➛ "If there's anything I could do for you, please let me know. I don't want you in low spirits" he had spoken softly, even softer than usual. He didn't want to catch you off guard. On the contrary, he wanted to gladden you.

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Ayaka is extremely familiar with the feeling of being unmotivated. She had dealt with the feeling herself, especially after her parents passing. Ayato had taught her coping skills, and she was able to visit your estate and help teach you what she was taught years before.

: ̗̀➛ She would go to your home everyday and sit and talk to you. She'd teach you how to cope in a healthy way and she'd slowly start getting you out of bed and help you clean around your home and supported you taking breaks every so often

: ̗̀➛ If you ever had some sort of setback, she'd remind you that setbacks are normal and not to get angry at yourself for it. On the more tough days, she'd bring you some snacks prepared by Thoma and sing you to sleep.

: ̗̀➛ "I am so proud of you. Even if you don't get out of bed for a few days. I'm here for you and so many others are too! Please don't beat yourself up over this."

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Though it may seem Keqing is always swamped with work, she could never forget about you or not notice when something is up.

: ̗̀➛ She would most likely be the first to notice if you didn't leave the house for a day. She would find out by asking citizens if they've seen you. After hearing they haven't seen you in a while, she rushes to your house.

: ̗̀➛ When she finds you, she gets pretty angry. Not at you, but at herself. She wishes she could've seen the signs and maybe that if she wasn't always working she could've prevented this.

: ̗̀➛ She goes to your kitchen and makes some homemade soup for you and got you some water and then sat down with you and let you talk about how you felt whenever you were ready.

: ̗̀➛ "It's okay if you need to talk, but also okay if you're not ready to just yet. I miss you and I hope to see you tomorrow if that'd be alright. If you don't feel up for it, i'll come back everyday for you."

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Diluc had been thinking of you all day. He wished to get out of the Angel's Share sooner, but he was stuck there because of a drunk bard who hadn't paid just yet.

: ̗̀➛ As soon as he gets off work, he heads straight to your home with your favorite drink, just as a greeting gift.

: ̗̀➛ When he walked in, he noticed how you hadn't done laundry in weeks and you were still in bed, even though it was far past noon.

: ̗̀➛ He doesn't really know the best way to approach the situation, so he just goes off his gut.

: ̗̀➛ "I got a bottle of your favorite drink, but it seems you are upset. Allow me to listen to what's wrong and i'll get you a glass."

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Heizou's intuition immediately told him something was up the second you felt your motivation go down the drain. His intuition said to go check on you. Though he may have been in the middle of investigating a case, he left it all to see you.

: ̗̀➛ He had no idea what he would walk in on, but he did notice how you'd been a bit under the weather lately and he starting assuming the worst.

: ̗̀➛ Heizou burst through your door and ran up to your room, just to find you in the fetal position on your bed, crying.

: ̗̀➛ When he saw you, his body physically jolted. He was glad you were alive, but he didn't know what to do. His adrenaline was through the roof.

: ̗̀➛ He rushed by your side and hugged you and allowed you to cry on his shoulder, not caring if it got his shirt wet. All he cared about in that moment was you and nothing else. He would never admit it, but he shed a tear or two in that moment. Seeing somebody so vulnerable made him so upset, especially since it was you.

: ̗̀➛ "Please. Allow me to help. I can't have you go through this. I can't even begin to imagine how painful it's been and i'm sorry I haven't been there for you as much as I could've. I'm so sorry." He basically muttered that into your ear and he started crying with you.

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Kokomi had a really long day that she never really signed up for. She had so much to do that she was free to go to her own home past 10 PM, but she went to see you first to say goodnight, but also to check on you. She usually sees you during her day, but she didnt, which she thought was odd.

: ̗̀➛ When she saw your expression, she knew exactly what you were thinking. She invited herself into your room and sat down gently on your bed.

: ̗̀➛ She offered to do anything and offered for you to talk to her about what you had been going through and overthinking.

: ̗̀➛ After letting you speak what was on your mind, she offered to you to write down your thoughts, just like how she does. She said how it makes her feel calmer and get out her emotions and that you should try it sometime.

: ̗̀➛ "Even if I'm busy at work, please come see me sometime. I'd love to see you anytime."

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Yae pretty much knew all along what you were feeling and thinking, she was just waiting for you to speak up to her and say what was on your mind.

: ̗̀➛ When she realized you'd never do that, she caved and went to your home, knowing exactly where in your house you'd be.

: ̗̀➛ She picked up some light novels for you to read and some tea to drink that'd give you some energy and hopefully snap you out of your current state.

: ̗̀➛ "Ah, my beautiful mortal friend. Human lives are too short to be thinking about this kind of stuff. You should be out there exploring the world and making memories along the way. There's so much stuff I can think of that you'd love. If you never leave home, you may never find that out. Cmon, when you're done with the tea, follow me to Narukami Shrine. I promise a short visit will be worthwhile."

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

: ̗̀➛ Ei never really understood why humans felt such a way, but when she realized that's how you felt, she read dozens of books on the topic to find out what she should do.

: ̗̀➛ Once she was well read on the topic, she went to go visit your home. She couldn't admit it but she was incredibly nervous. She brought some sweets with her that she got from some local food stands in Inazuma to give to you.

: ̗̀➛ When she arrived, she got incredibly upset seeing how bad it had gotten. She gave you the desserts and sat down beside you, not saying a word. She wanted you to speak whenever you were ready for her to know.

: ̗̀➛ She gently rubbed your back the entire time and didn't leave until around midnight. She came to see you for multiple hours a day just to make sure you're getting better. Each time, she'd bring something new for you to try and she'd try to convince you to come out into the world so she can try all of it with you.

: ̗̀➛ "Take your time, but I would love to take you to a restaurant and order all your favorites. You need to be reminded how much life is worth, especially for a mortal human like you. You barely live 100 years so you need to get outside and do all the things you enjoy. I believe in you."

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