idk how many people i speak for here, but i really think april/donnie/casey’s dynamic in 2012 would’ve been so much nicer if they stopped framing april flirting with two people as a competition instead of just an unconventional relationship dynamic (aka polyam)

the three of them are just so stupid together. i love them

like??? look at them??? what we could’ve had

Okay, so ep 10 of Be My Favourite has left me ... frustrated? Talked a lot to my friend @ommited-miscellaneously about the way Kawi’s character seems to have switched and how uncomfortable the dynamic between them was and how weird some decisions were (like the mom, like ?????????). Is he ace coded? After some consideration, I doubt it. I rather like the theory (of @shouldiusemyname ) of him being an observer who isn’t used to be an active participant but also going in blind.

But regardless if it’s one of the two or the good old “one of them needs to be pushy and the other needs to play coy to the point of seeming repulsed”, it was done badly in my opinion. Like, a lot of people seem to think them sleeping together in the end was romantic and a sign of Kawi realising he actually likes to do all of that with Pisaeng, but it made me highly uncomfortable. Pisaeng had been trying to get any sign of affection from his boyfriend this last episode and Kawi has reacted repulsed to the smallest touches. Could it have been the nerves? Sure, but it’s still not a cool move, dude. Did his avoidance of actually telling Pisaeng what had been bothering him and instead saying he “ENJOYED” himself this day despite clearly been aggressive and rejective the whole day sit wrong with me? Definitely. Like, sorry, but this treats Pisaeng as if he’s dumb and can’t see when someone actually has a bad time? There was a chance for communication and it wasn’t used at all. Instead, they instantly jump to the sex!!

Which was the next ... uncomfortable thing. Like, they haven’t had a sober kiss yet. And Kawi clearly doesn’t feel ready. Why the fuck, do they need to jump to sex instantly, without proper communication, when they haven’t even had a sober kiss? Why couldn’t they have a talk so Pisaeng understands and they then can proceed to like ... watch a movie and cuddle, hold hands and share a first tentative kiss? This felt so rushed and I’d only accept it if it’s going to explode into their faces next episode.

Also, I was getting BohnDuen flashbacks. Of course, Kawi isn’t as bad as Duen, but the way he treats Pisaeng’s simple wish to spend time with his boyfriend and thinks Pisaeng wants to jump him all the time, wasn’t sitting right with me. Most of the episode he was an outright asshole to him while Pisaeng was so desperately pushy. Yes, the nerves but DAMN, that’s what the offer for communication at the end has been for! Like, I can accept a lot of reasons for him being overwhelmed but it still stands that Kawi didn’t use the chance to communicate his struggles and he should have grown enough as a person till now to use that. And if he doesn’t, on purpose, then this show suddenly gets deeper and less wholesome and light than it was during the past episodes. And to me, it rather felt like a checkmark.

Somehow, this kiss felt also less natural and comfortable as the two drunk kisses they have shared before. Yes, the nerves, but I’d argue that the circumstances made it feel different. In those two kisses before we’ve seen Kawi communicate a clear need and wish to be close to Pisaeng and initiate the kisses (hell, him being unable not to play with Pisaeng’s hair in the first one was adorable AF and exactly the vibe I would have wished for their first time - let me see that he enjoys it!) and nothing of that need or his crush on Pisaeng has been shown in this episode?

We know that Pisaeng has been going to the future, too, we just don’t know since when and how often and what he’s learned. But if they need to constantly travel through time and their relationship STILL raises my hackles like that ... maybe they shouldn’t be together at all? Really, this episode it sometimes felt as if Kawi isn’t really interested in a romantic relationship with Pisaeng at all or that he never thought beyond “getting together for the greater good”. It leaves me baffled after all those episodes before which were well done and a lot of fun and I wonder if something changed/if the problems were here all along/if the writers actually have a magic trick up their sleeves that will make it all make sense and be good????

So yeah, my thoughts on this are complicated and I’ve spend a good portion of last night trying to put my finger on why both of their behaviour felt so wrong to me (yes, Pisaeng’s, too - it felt almost mindlessly pushy???). In the end we have to wait and see ^^°

As an extra, things that would have made it better in MY opinion: 

more time between Pisaeng confessing and Kawi realising his own feelings, maybe with Pisaeng actually exploring his sexuality more and having boyfriends (he’d know better what he wants and Kawi could maybe observe what a relationship with Pisaeng might look like and also what he wants from his relationship with Pisaeng?)

them having an actual talk about what they want and need and their fears

them NOT jumping to sex instantly but also NOT avoiding any other form of intimacy (and IF Kawi has intimacy issues then PLEASE talk about that!)

have Kawi initiate cute moments in between too, let us see his need to be close to Pisaeng and be supportive (and not only have him promise it in a call with Pisaeng’s horrible mom - no I won’t forgive her being homophobic and distant 99% of the show just to have a last second switch) despite being a bit overwhelmed and nervous

Have Pisaeng NOT pretend as if he’s had a horrible fight with his mom to come and be with Kawi, this was stupid and not in character all along, wtf guys?

Have them break up and I mean this seriously - I was so uncomfortable during this episode and the fact that they didn’t properly talk made me think that if this goes on (or would go on irl because the show might just behave as if everything is fine next episode) they are doomed. If they don’t find a way to properly communicate their needs and limits, they’ll get stuck in the worst relationship, thinking this is the only way to make sure the world is happy? Thanks, I hate it.

Anyway, I wrote a quick breakup scene here and will now wait and see what next week brings. It might be the build up for the angst in episode 11 as always but I currently have a hard time believing that they’ll handle the topic properly and well enough for me to want them still together in the end (pls prove me wrong pls prove me wrong pls prove me wrong) and that would be a damn shame because the show has been fun and cute so far. But we’ll see ...

So far thank you @ everyone who read till now. No hate please, this is MY opinion and you can have another. I’d rather be convinced that my view is too unjust but I’ll only accept friendly discussions. Rude comments will be blocked. Thank you! <3

Olivia Colman reads a letter responding to an unsolicited penis photograph

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

hahahahaaaa get safe and cared for, idiot

Fun fact: We know the size of the Pokémon world because Scarlet and Violet has framerate issues

I'm not answering any more questions

Phantom, the newest addition to the Justice League, pulls Wonder Woman aside.

He has...a strange request.

He's nervous, flustered, fading in and out of the visible spectrum. It's clear that what he's about to ask of her is important to him, and even though she has an uncomfortable voice in the back of her head telling her this young hero is about to ask her out, she resolves to listen before she jumps to conclusions.

She's glad she did.

"Can...can you put a grave for me in Themyscira? I know it's just for women, but it's the safest place I can think of for it! I just...I don't have a grave, and Clockwork says it's starting to stunt my growth as a Ghost, and I have too many enemies on American soil, so. It's okay if you say no, though, I'll figure something out, it's fine."

Diana lets him ramble to the end, already knowing what her answer is going to be.

"We would be honored to host your grave, Phantom. Do you have any remains I can take home? Do you require a funeral service?"

Phantom looks...he looks beyond grateful. Close to tears.

"No, no remains. A symbolic grave is fine, it just. It has to have my real name on it, my mortal one." He says, looking hesitant. "Please don't reach out to my family, Wonder Woman. They don't know."

With that, he hands over a small slip of paper, torn from a notebook and clearly folded one too many times.

She takes it as though he were entrusting her with the rarest diamond in the world. She wants to, but she does not ask how they could not notice the death of someone so very bright.

Instead she nods, tucking the paper away.

Phantom will get a grand grave, one worthy of a friend to the Crown of Themyscira. She will ensure it.

Honestly everyone give it up for repulsed aces/aros. Yall get so much shit for having boundaries and its frustrating to watch. You're all getting sent complimentary gift baskets

we need to talk about the fact that for many of the posters in season one, they are literally on opposite sides and/or have a dividing line between them

and now they're literally crossed over in some way for the season 2 posters

THEY'RE LITERALLY ON THEIR OWN SIDE NOW, PEOPLE!

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

Kink isn’t shameful because of the weird sex stuff. That part’s rad. It’s shameful because it is technically improv. 

Proper boundaries

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

after having an entire hour long conversation with my coworkers about what "degendering" is, and the importance of using trans people's pronouns when you know them- rather than always defaulting to "they/them" no matter what- and still getting "they/them"ed by people I trusted not to fucking do that to me, I have decided that the name and pronouns circle of introductions for new additions to the group will now include the very clearly stated boundary that they do not use "they/them" pronouns for me.

your move, cowards!

NORMALIZE TALKING HIGHLY ABOUT YOURSELF