#and I have so much shame because I grew up hearing about my mom having an eating disorder in her twenties and it was always like well don’t
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#tw disordered eating#no because at what point do I admit to myself that just because it’s wrapped up in a couple extra layers of neurodivergence and sensory#sensitivity at the end of the day I find comfort in not eating and the control of hunger#and like I genuinely don’t have enough energy to get through the day because im simply not eating enough and can’t remember the last time#i have and like at what point do I admit that this is actually a problem#cause like I haven’t seriously looked into a job for the summer cause im like. idk if ill be able to feed myself#but I keep being like ‘oh it’s just an adhd issue’ ‘it’s a meal prep issue’#what if it’s a fear of change issue#what if starving myself is the only goddamn thing I can control in this world even if I don’t admit to myself#i don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to get better#and I have so much shame because I grew up hearing about my mom having an eating disorder in her twenties and it was always like well don’t#worry mom you’re raising me with a better relationship with food so I won’t have that issue#well guess who’s in their twenties and went to one session with a dietician and the dietician was concerned they were malnourished lmao#(i don’t think i checked off enough of the symptoms to actually qualify. but still. the fact that it was a consideration?)#and I just. I literally don’t know where im going to go this summer#because I need someone to teach me how to eat. to teach me how to grocery shop and meal prep and cook#because I KNOW im capable of all those things but no one has ever walked me through all the steps so it’s too scary to me rn to do#but I literally cannot even fathom making anyone put up with my presence for 3 months let alone being like ‘oh also will you help me get#better? cause I’ve tried on my own and it’s just not working’#i just put the tw here but I moved it to the top so people could be warned before reading but#love that I refuse to use anything other than that tag because that would be admitting this was real#im just starving myself and never gained back the weight I lost four years ago from starving myself im sure this is all suuuuuper normal and#just a silly little phase#(fr tho if i need any other tws let me know i don’t wanna trigger anyone)
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Alicent has got it going on (modern!Alicent x younger!Reader)
synopsis: You go out for a night of fun with your friends, but while you are at the bar, the object of your desire is somewhere entirely else.
warnings: age gap (reader is of age), flirting, dirty talk & smut adjacent, afab reader
word count: 2.1k
taglist: @hopelesswritergall @urmomsgirlfriend1
(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
Even after countless years of being friends with Helaena, to a point where the two of you would call each other sisters, it still feels weird to just walk into the house that your mom had to drive you to almost every day for years when you were a kid. Times had changed. You grew up and so you could make your own way to the villa and enter through the front door with a key that Helaena had gifted you some years back when the two of you entered college.
Upon entering you hear a voice in the living room which, when further investigating, you find out to be Alicent´s. Currently arguing with someone on the phone. Once she sees you, she holds the phone away from her ear and hangs up.
“Oh, I didn´t see you there.” She greets you with a rare, genuine smile.
"Sorry. I didn't realise you were on a call. I just wanted to say hi." You greet your best friend's mother. You have always found Alicent to be absolutely stunning and so you can´t hide a small blush heating up your cheeks as you give her a small wave.
Alicent turns her full attention towards you at the sound of your voice. She knew you had grown up but hadn’t seen you in quite a while. “Hello, dear. How are you?” Her eyebrows raise, awaiting your answer, not even mentioning the call.
“I've been holding up just fine. How about you? Helaena has told me you're working a lot these days." You give the older woman a small smile in return.
"Yes, dear. It's been non-stop, but that´s business." At her words you remember that she had taken over leading the firm in her husband´s stead only a short while ago when Helaena´s father became too sick to continue to do so indefinitely.
Throughout all this time, she doesn´t take her eyes off you for a single second. Those beautiful, big, brown eyes that seemed to shimmer every time you saw her in spite of or maybe because of the stress she was put under. In the end she wasn´t that much older than you. That thought gets your cheeks to burn a little brighter.
“I hope you remember to take breaks too. The company can be glad to finally be led by someone competent, but it would be a shame to see you work yourself into a burnout or something.” You shuffle your feet on the ground, making her even more aware of your painfully awkward attraction towards her.
"I'm sure I'll be fine. I've become quite used to it. Thank you for your concerns though, dear. That is very sweet.” Alicent says confidently, her tone is filled with pride and she takes your hand to let you feel her gratitude for your expression of concern.
The second the older woman´s skin touches yours, has your brain screaming so loud that you are scared anyone would be able to hear. "You know, if you ever do want a break, you should come out to our bar or something. If you don't think going out with your daughter's friend is weird or something. You would be surprised what an evening out can bring about."
The words let not only her eyes widen and eyebrows shoot up for a second, but your own as well.
Suddenly the air in the room is noticeably thicker. You feel like you don´t get enough of it into your lungs, making your head spin like a carousel and the way the older woman’s hand squeezes yours only throws you off the rails even more.
Before you know it, her hand lets go of yours, not giving any time for disappointment to settle, as they instantly settle on your waist, with her thumbs brushing over your ribs just below the swell of your breasts. In response to her pulling you closer, your hands go to tightly hold her by the waste rubbing tight circles into the soft, by lavish silk covered flesh.
Hesitantly your faces moved closer bit by bit. It felt right to be so close to her, to feel her auburn curls brush against your cheeks and make almost a curtain to shut out the rest of the world. Your noses rub against each other from the proximity and little fireworks tingle over your lips. The moment feels so magical.
The horn of Baela´s car being pressed down continuously, to alert approximately the entire neighbourhood and the muffled screams of the young woman to go along with it pull the two of you back to reality against your will.
“I have to go…” You whisper, basking in the energy of the moment a bit longer. Wishing you could stay there with Alicent for even just one more moment. A wish that is reciprocated by her. You are hyper aware of your hands that rest against her waist to keep her perfect body close when Alicent pulls away from you. And though they have never touched to begin with, your lips chase hers for a second and a whimper leaves your lungs.
"You are perfect." You whisper breathlessly when your eyes flutter back open.
Those moments with Alicent stay in your mind's forefront the entire time you sit beside your friends in the cinema. Thinking about the almost kiss rather than paying attention to whatever movie Helaena and Baela had decided on.
The three of you head to a bar afterwards to meet up with a few more friends. Each of you getting enough drinks to ensure everyone was a good bit more than just lightly buzzed. In your inebriated state you remember you still had Alicent´s number saved from something or another a few months ago. So without thinking you reach into your purse to pull out your phone to send the woman a short message. "I can't get you out of my mind. Your hands felt like pure heaven."
Normally you would have spent the time until the device pinged with a response biting at your nails to relief the nervous energy that would course through your system, but it doesn´t happen. The earlier interaction had made you feel quite confident in the attraction being requited. At the same time, back at the Targaryen-Hightower home Alicent smirked at the message as her body began tingling anew. "I miss touching you. Your body is just so irresistible." She replied, leaning back in her chair as she waited for her phone to vibrate again. If anyone would see her right now, they would probably say she looks like a giddy schoolgirl. And you didn´t look much better. Biting your lip to keep yourself from kicking your feet at the warm giddiness that spread through your body with every answer you received from her.
"Gods, I wish I could be with you right this second so I could taste your skin and worship you just the way you deserve." One of your friends that keeps you company while the others go to get more drinks eyes you suspiciously, but luckily says nothing. Counting myself lucky in that I put my phone away and try to concentrate on the conversation at hand, but feeling it vibrate once more pulls your thoughts right back to Alicent. "And what exactly would this worship entail?" Reads the message, making your mind reel and run wild with everything you wanted to do to her.
"It would entail me kissing all over your body and feeling you all over. Tracing your skin with my tongue up your thighs to your most sensitive spot and then I would spend my time between your thighs until your throat would be sore from screaming my name." You can feel your breath become shallow already even though there was no ending to the evening in sight yet and there was no chance to leave early either, but no matter how much you told yourself to calm down it is to no use. The arousal that pools between your legs and sticks your panties to your core at the thought of the older woman won´t let up. It takes longer for another answer to roll in this time, due to Alicent willing her reddened cheeks and racing heart to calm down in order to think clearly again. Only then she finds an appropriate response to type out and send with lightly trembling fingers. “You sure know how to make me feel things, don’t you?”
Despite willing herself to calm down, Alicent's body became flushed. Her breath hitched at the vivid description, and her body became flooded with a rush of pure heat. She couldn’t believe someone could speak so filthy. Her jaw hung open with a dumb expression as she read the message over and over again.
“It´s only what you deserve. You work so hard; you deserve to feel good every once in a while.” You respond almost instantly. Barely making it in time to hide the screen again as Helaena looks over your shoulder.
“The youth and their phones….” She clicks her tongue but breaks out in a giggle not even a few seconds after. “Who has you smiling like this?”
Judging by the redness spread over all over her face she is far more affected by the alcohol than the rest of you. Then again, she always was the one worst at handling her booze. Conveniently this gave you the perfect topic change.
“Maybe you should drink some water before you get another round.” You snicker at her antics.
“I´m fine, mom.” She chanted exaggeratedly, though even the sentiment can´t ruin her mood.
So, you shrug it of and decide that keeping an eye on her would be all you can do. A smart choice, as the night soon gets cut short, by her getting a little too hyper. Leading to Baela dropping you off at the house, before getting herself back to Driftmark. Bless the seven that the Velaryon stayed sober and thus could help you to basically carry her all the way from the car to her room as to not make a major commotion and wake everyone else up. Unfortunately, it is a whole different story to get her to sleep. A seemingly impossible task throughout which you have to remind yourself how much you loved your best friend repeatedly.
Once Helaena is sound asleep naturally you are wide awake. Tossing, turning and scrolling through your phone in a now much more sober state. Then you remember the texts you had sent to Alicent earlier and with your friend fast asleep, you sneak out of her room and down the hall to Alicent's. Opening and closing the door as quietly as possible, you find the woman splayed out in her bed. Clad in a short, dark green satin nightdress and illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window. The cool light makes her look even more gorgeous than the sunlight earlier, though you thought that wasn't possible. Her breasts rise and fall in deep, even breaths. It´s a sight for the gods. On your tiptoes you make your way over to the bed. Feeling the soft mattress dip underneath your weight, as you lean over her unsuspecting form. For a second you doubt what you are about to do, but when the Hightower woman shifts in her unconscious state to expose her neck more and her soft lips part for a sigh to escape, you´re done for.
Your own lips part and your head lowers to press a wet kiss to her neck. Then another and another as Alicent shifts and writhes beneath, before finally waking up with a gasp of your name.
“Shhh, yes it´s me.” You whisper to her to signal to stay quiet.
She blinks the sleep from her eyes with rapid movements and threads her fingers into your hair. “Don´t stop, please…”
She begs in a breathy, irresistible voice and who were you to deny her. With a brush of the fingers, you put a strand of auburn curls behind her ear, triggering a full body shiver when your nails scrape along the sensitive skin.
“I won´t. I promise.” You vow in return and seal it by sealing her lips with your in the kiss that should have happened hours ago. Followed by so much more that, if titled the best night of your life, would still be an understatement. Having her thighs tremble on the sides of your head as she tried to keep her body away from resting fully on your head, no matter how often you tried to nudge her down by the hips. Satisfied couldn´t even begin to capture the air around you as you lay beside each other, tightly entangled, bathed in the light of the rising sun and on the brink of sleep.
#alicent hightower#sapphic alicent hightower#alicent hotd#alicent x reader#alicent x you#alicent hightower x reader#alicent hightower x you#hotd#house of the dragon#hotd fic#house of the dragon fic#hotd x reader#hotd x you
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tainted angel 🪽 (pt.9)
PART 8 / PART 10 / THE FULL MASTERLIST
ෆ DABI X HAWKS’ LITTLE SISTER
ෆ A/N: Again, I hope you guys know by now that I just loooove slow burn and edging 🤭 This is what you’ll find in this chapter too before the real smut begins~
[Her POV]
The afternoon approaches fast and so do the emotions and anxiety filling my chest. The thought of going on a real date with Dabi has me feeling nervous and thrilled, I feel nauseous. The logical side of my mind is screaming at me, calling me utterly dumb and reckless for giving a man like him another chance.
The past few days I kept reminding myself how dangerous Dabi actually is, how wrong it was for him to break in and take me without my consent. But for some reason, I couldn’t hate him, nor did all this made me need him less. Instead, like an infection the burning desire inside of me grew even more, and this time it was worse. Dabi gave me a taste of what he could do to me, and now my body is going crazy. I can still feel the way his tongue moved and lapped at my cunt, the way his grunts sent vibrations on my clit, the way he fingered me and made me cum so hard in his mouth. My body remembers it all, it craves more, I squeeze my thighs every single time and the arousal growing between my legs doesn’t help.
Damn him! Just when I was trying to detach myself, he made me want him even more now.
What made me feel utterly ashamed was the fact that deep down, I didn’t want to tell Hawks about this, even though I should’ve. At least just the part when Dabi broke in. But I couldn’t, because I feel guilty.
Because I enjoyed it too much, I gave in and let him pleasure me. It just felt so good I couldn’t resist. I love having Dabi all over me.
And through all that guilt and shame, he still finds a way to convince me to meet him again. I still let him.
If I ever complain again that he won’t leave my life, I swear I will cut off my own tongue.
I take my sweet time to have a nice long shower to distract myself, cleaning my body thoroughly. The dress I will be wearing tonight is laying on top of the bed, a pretty black glittery dress that hugs my body perfectly good. A fur coat to keep me warm in case it gets too cold outside. I’m going for smoky eyes and crimson red lipstick. As for the hair, I decide for wavy.
After two good hours of getting ready, I stop to look at myself in the mirror. Real classy and gorgeous, I feel slight embarrassment knowing I’m putting so much effort to look good for him tonight. Thankfully Keigo is out of town and mom is too busy to care where I’m going, so at least I don’t have anyone to stick their nose in my business.
This is a real date. With him.
Not too much time passes by before I hear the notification ping from my phone. Taking in a deep breath, I grab the phone and read the message.
Dabi: “I’m nearby. I hope you’re ready angel”
The doorbell sound has my heart skipping a beat, I forget to reply back to his message.
“I got it!” I say to my mom, knowing too well that it’s him outside. “Also mom, I’m going out now. I’ll be back soon okay?”
She simply hums, not bothering to even turn around as she continues doing.. whatever she is doing in her room. Sometimes it kinda hurts me how indifferent she is, barely interacting with me or asking how I’m doing, almost like a ghost in this house. But for the first time I’m glad she didn’t ask any questions at all.
Taking one last look in the mirror, I head downstairs to open the door. The sight in front of me has my mouth falling open slightly and my face growing hot. There he is, wearing a fancy blue colored suit that matches his striking eyes, wearing a strong scented cologne that envelopes my senses. His hair less disshelved than usual, it’s clear enough he put as much effort to get ready tonight like I did. I bite my lip to prevent smile forming on my face. He eyes me up and down, I almost squirm under his gaze.
“The prettiest lady I’ve ever laid my eyes on..” Dabi says seductively. “A sight for sore eyes”
“Thank you” I mumble shyly, before smiling teasingly at him. “Seems like you’ve laid your eyes on many other ladies before, for me to be the prettiest ever now..”
He lets out a low chuckle. “Is my angel gettin’ jealous already? Don’t worry though, a man like me is too busy to be drooling on random women”
I roll my eyes at his comment. My face expression remains calm and reserved, but my heart is pumping out of my ribcage. I feel like fainting, Dabi looks extremely handsome it hurts. My heart is bleeding, if I thought he was irresistible before, now I feel like I’ll end up on my knees. I am weak. Too weak for this man.
I’m sorry Keigo. For whatever might happen tonight.
Dabi grabs my hand, and we both head towards his car, an expensive looking one with dark windows which you can’t see through. He opens the door for me, such simple actions shouldn’t make me feel this way. It’s the bare minimum to be a gentleman to a lady, but when Dabi does it.. just leaves me breathless.
After he gets inside, we drive off. At first it was just a simple chitchat between us, him asking about my day, flirting here and there and making me blush ever so slightly. The night has fallen and the darkness has surrounded the place. I look through the window, but nothing seems familiar. All I could see is that we were heading up somewhere, up in some mountain, and the trees surrounded us everywhere.
“You never told me where we are going?” I murmur. My eyes focus on the way his hands so skilfully turn the steering wheel, those pretty veiny hands that were all over my body just a few nights ago. The thought makes me shiver.
“I know a good place. Don’t worry sweetheart, I ain’t kidnapping you.. yet” he smirks and I hit him in the shoulder.
“Not funny” I scoff. “You promised you wouldn’t be creepy.”
“Am I scaring ya?” he grins.
“Maybe”
“I’m sorry, dollface” he replies. “Truly. Sometimes I get carried away when I’m so thrilled..but you’re safe with me alright?”
His warm hand places itself on my thigh, caressing and squeezing it a little. I stay there motionless as his fingers tap my thigh playfully, while his other hand is on the steering wheel. I try my best to not squirm or squeeze my thighs shut. I feel my body growing hot as his hand teases me, going further on my inner thigh. I shift in my seat, but his hand doesn’t leave its place.
“You’re so soft y’know that?” he mumbles, squeezing my thigh again to emphasise his words.
“And you’re.. really warm..” I say awkwardly, noticing the way he chuckles under his breath.
I shift my gaze outside the window, if I look at him any further I might pass out.
Since when did I fall so hard for him?
“We’re finally here” he breaks the silence, and a huge mansion comes in our view. He drives behind the mansion, parking his car there before we both head out.
“I’ve made all the necessary arrangements so we’ll have our privacy” he grins, grabbing me by the waist.
“Is this a hotel?” I ask as we both enter at the back door of the mansion. The building is massive. Climbing on the stairs, we find ourselves in a fancy restaurant inside.
“Somewhat” Dabi responds. “This is where I live”
My eyes widen. “You live here all by yourself?!”
Is Dabi some sort of a millionaire? There’s no way..
“I wish, but no..” Dabi laughs. “I live here with my crew, each in our rooms, all nice and comfortable. But anyway, let’s sit down first shall we?”
Dabi leads me to a reserved secluded spot, away from all the other tables, with nobody to see us or bother us. Sitting down and getting ourselves comfortable, I stare down at the menu, though I can hardly make anything out of it. My mind is boiling in thoughts, my chest is exploding from intense emotions and adrenaline.
At the end we finally manage to order something. Dabi sits in front of me, his azure eyes fixed on me while he licks his lip.
“So.. you’ve been dying to know more about me, huh? Who I am, what do I do.. and stuff like that”
I nod, hoping this time he is willing to elaborate more.
“Let’s say.. I’m working for a greater cause that involves our today’s hero society. I have my goals that I want to achieve, and I’ve been working for a long time towards that. Me and my.. teammates I should say, we’ve all been working hard to accomplish this.” he says, pulling a cigarette and lighting it with his fingertip.
“I see. That seems like a big deal..” I say. “But.. how is this dangerous? And is my brother involved in this too?”
“Yes, in a way~” he grins. “Your brother surely is involved in many things, a great hero he is. As for the danger princess, it’s just part of the process. If you want to achieve big things in life and accomplish your goals, risks will always be there y’know? Danger is always present, no matter what.”
I nod, understanding his point, and yet I feel like he is not telling me exactly what is going on.
The dishes arrive shortly. Our conversation ends for a bit as we both start eating. At the end there’s still food left on my plate, as delicious as it was sadly I didn’t have much hunger.
“What do you think of heroes, angel?” Dabi suddenly speaks. “Not your brother, heroes in general I mean.”
I stare back at him and think for a moment, before speaking.
“I don’t know, I mean they are great because they save people’s lives but-”
“But?” he raises an eyebrow.
“But I think that.. the term “hero” has lost its meaning. I feel like heroes nowadays are only greedy to be on top, to have more fame and money and get stronger everyday, like celebrities. I mean, look at the number one hero of Japan..”
I stop talking for a second when I see his gaze darkening, a grin plastered on his face.
“D-Did I say something wrong..?” I swallow nervously.
“Quite the contrary” he says. “I like the way you think, angel. You clearly see the truth, don’t cha? You see how this society has become, how those so called heroes care more about being on top, on their shiny pedestals. There aren’t really any true heroes in our society, really unfortunate..”
I remain silent. For the longest time, I’ve seen the way things work in today’s society, especially when it comes to heroes. In fact, I never saw any true hero after All Might’s retirement. I didn’t believe in their words or cause, never felt truly safe. But knowing that my brother is a hero himself, I prevented myself from talking or thinking about heroes and villains. I avoided watching the news, or reading topics related to it. Never told Keigo any of my thoughts and worries, and simply supported him like the good sister I’m supposed to be.
“What about your brother, do you consider him a true hero?” Dabi whispers.
Shit, did he just read my mind?
I sigh. “Well..my brother is a good person and he gives it all out there to save people, and uhhh- well, I don’t really want to talk about this right now Dabi..”
He chuckles and stands up from his seat, to come and sit next to me.
“You havin your doubts sweetheart..” he whispers in my ear. “You don’t really trust your brother do you? Especially when he hangs around mysterious, dangerous people like me…”
I turn at him, nervously staring back in his cerulean eyes who seem to be reading every thought and feeling of mine. I slowly connect the dots.
“So let me get this straight, the greater cause you are working on is related to hero society isn’t it?”
He grins. “That’s right. A clever girl you are. Changing it all is my goal, to tear down this corrupted system and rebuild a new future for this world”
His words have me taken back. The way he is talking, it clearly shows that he is serious about this. Accomplishing something as big as changing this society requires great power and connections, it’s definitely not an easy goal to achieve. But the way he is speaking so passionately about his goals, how confident and ambitious he seems, sure of himself that he will win.. it makes him look so attractive and powerful in my eyes.
Who is this guy?
“But now.. I also have another goal that I want to achieve. That I will achieve~” Dabi whispers, placing his hand on my thigh. His other hand reaches for my chin, slowly turning my head to make eye contact again. I feel my face growing hot, my body involuntarily is reaching for his warmth and embrace.
“Oh? So many goals..I wonder what this one is” I giggle, staring at his mismatched lips.
He hums, squishing my cheeks softly, our faces inches apart.
“To make you mine. That is my main goal right now, princess~”
Our lips touch, but he doesn’t kiss me yet. I don’t move, I’m completely under his spell, powerless to do anything. Not that I want to do anything else besides submit to him.
What am I even doing?!
“I’ll make you fall f’me. Make you scream my name just like you did that night.. the prettiest sound I’ve ever heard,” he presses a soft kiss on my lips, and yet backs away when I reach for more. The bastard is edging me, making me ache and beg for it. And it’s working.
I blush at the mention of that night, when he broke in and ate the life out of me. Dabi’s eyes focus on the way my thighs squeeze just at the memory of it.
“Give in to me, angel. Let all your worries and fears fade away, and just enjoy the moment right here. With me. It’s gonna be our little secret~” he hums, his hand travelling behind to grab a handful of my ass, bringing me closer to his body and sitting me on his lap.
“Y-yes..” I stutter, feeling the arousal forming between my legs and my body growing hotter, needier for him.
“Hm? Didn’t hear ya, princess. Gotta be louder f’me” he smirks. “Use your magic words like a big girl~”
I’m sorry Keigo. I’m so, so sorry.
“I want you Dabi..” I whine impatiently, my hands caressing his hair, before playing with his bow tie. “Need you.. please..”
I can’t even recognise my own voice. All common sense and reason have left me alone at the hands of this man. As if he’s hypnotised me, I’m reaching for him, our bodies now pressed together.
“Atta girl”
Grabbing my chin, Dabi wastes no time to crash his lips against mine, grunting in my mouth as his tongue intertwines with mine. It leaves me breathless, his kiss is sloppy and possessive, making me moan and whimper in his mouth. His grip on my ass tightens and heats up more, his kiss deepens. I am losing myself in him, his roughness sending heat deep in my core By kissing him back I realise how much I actually want him, how needy we are for each other and how much I’ve tortured myself by keeping him away from me.
He pulls away, a thin string of saliva connecting our lips. His azure eyes express nothing but need and lust as he stares back at me, his pupils blown wide. I try to catch my breath after that heated kiss, my lipstick is now gone and smeared all over my lips. Dabi notices that, bringing his thumb to my lower lip.
“Gettin’ all dolled up, just for me to ruin you tonight, ah?
His words send shiver down my spine, to the point my wings flutter slightly. He chuckles, his hand reaching behind to tug at them teasingly, pulling a soft whine out of me.
Standing up, he puts his hand underneath my thighs and carries me bridal style outside the restaurant.
I gasp. “Dabi?!”
“In my room. Now.”
🏷️ tags: @mostlyheinous @touyalove @dabislittlebeaniebaby @scariusaquarius @dabihawksluva @awalkingshame @syrenkitsune
#B.writes#dabi#touya todoroki#mha dabi#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha#dabi x reader#dabi x you#dabi smut#yandere#yander x reader#touya todoroki x reader#dabi x y/n#bnha x reader#mha x reader#yandere fanfiction
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second, never first
part ten | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine
chris x fem!reader
summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.
warnings - swearing, kissing, use of y/n, mention of family issues, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)
word count - 1k+
NOT PROOFREAD
-
watching my parents version of love or whatever you call that completely screwed with my mind growing up. i was called home to my house because my mom and dad got into an argument and i needed to mediate. i defused the situation when i got home but they still continued to argue once i got upstairs.
thinking about tonights events was the only thing that distracted me from everything.
i sat in my room with locked doors trying to avoid the voices from downstairs as my mind races with thoughts about chris. yes our relationship was fake but nothing was fake about me loosing my first kiss to him. no one was around, he was sweet, gentle, and it felt amazing.
i dreamt about kissing chris for months and now i had finally done it. it was better than i could have ever imagined. there wasnt too many things i was sure of in my current life but one thing i knew was that i couldnt wait to kiss him again.
-
school went pretty much the same as yesterday until lunch. chris and i were sitting in his car talking and getting ready to go into school when chris looked behind my shoulder “dont turn around.” is all he said.
grabbing my face he pulls our faces together and we share a tender kiss and he pulls away. i smile at him and then remember what he said before. out of the corner of my eye i see anna and my old friends slowly driving right past our car in the parking lot. once i remember the plan i put my hand up to his cheek and press another kiss to his lips.
my phone immediately goes off.
wednesday 12:05pm
anna: looking very happy together, so much for explaining yourself…
we both look down at the notification and smile to eachother. “its working.” chris says in a singsong voice and i chuckle. we hear the school bell go off and walk in to school, ignoring the obvious stares and whispers as we walk together. we stop infront of our history class and i give him a quick kiss before we walk in and hear slight gasps from people around. i laugh to myself as people fall for it while im walking into class and sit directly in the back.
“shes such a whore.”
“no a god damn home wrecker is what she is.”
“wait shush shes looking at us.”
i hear the girls in front of me whisper as i sit behind them. they are acting as if we weren’t friends just last week.
this pretty much happened every class i walked into. even tho it was fake and both me and chris knew that people were just believing a lie i couldnt help but be bothered by the comments.
its never nice to hear rumors or gossip be talked about you, no matter the circumstances.
-
i was walking up to my car and saw someone waiting by my door, hoping and praying it was chris but to my surprise it was carson.
“y/n.” he says sternly. my heart drops.
we were supposed to have a date this weekend, but now im ‘dating chris’. “carson im so sorry oh my god.” i say walking up to him. “no dont apologize, i just wanted to see if the rumors were true but that answer was all i needed.” he says starting to walk away. “carson im really sorry you must think im a bitch now.” i say looking down.
“i dont think your a bitch but a warning would have been nice.” he smiles and walk away.
im left feeling a wave of guilt and shame. carson was extremely kind to me on our date and i just completely led him on and then all of the sudden everyone thinks im dating chris.
“you ok kid?” i feel chris’ hand come up to my shoulder from behind as im just standing in front of my car. turning around i cant even look him in the eye, “chris im such a bad person.” i say tear pricking my eyes.
“what? what happened.” he looks at me with concern. “i just talked to carson. we were supposed to have a date this weekend and i havent talked to him since our date and now were dating.” i say bringing my hands up to my face. “or whatever we are doing.” i add on.
“your not a bad person. its not your fault that you were dumped by your best friend this week. your whole life turned around, making time for carson was not something you were obligated to do.”
“i know but i just feel awful you should have heard how he spoke to me.” i break.
i havent cried about any of this shit yet but it all just kind of hit me. the rumors, anna dropping me, me fake dating chris, carson, it all hit me like a bus.
i just stand there crying in front of chris as the parking lot starts to become empty. i feel chris wrap his arms around me. i bury my face into his chest as his hands are around my shoulders and the back of my head. “come on kid. its still november and freezing.” he leads me to my car. getting in the passenger seat he just sits there in silence while i cry in front of him. “chris do you think were making a big mistake, i mean im happy were doing this but what happens to us. how long do we keep this going.” i look up at him.
“we can deal with that when it comes to it.”
i hold on to my steering wheel and tears continue to fall out of my eyes. chris reaches his hand over to me and wipes them for me.
i look at him while he does this for a while, my eyes trail to his lips. i look back into his eyes and hes already starring into mine.
i know its wrong and i shouldnt but i move my face to his and kiss him. he pauses as there is no one around to see us but kisses me back.
the world seems to stop when im with chris. even if everything about our relationship is fake, every time we connect our lips i feel fireworks around me and my surroundings go quiet. i place my hands around the back of his neck and pull away. “more practice.” i smile.
he stares at me with kind eyes and i wipe my eyes once more.
-
thanks for reading xx
taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims @accio326 @bitchydragonparadise @matthewsturnioloswifey @iloveneilperry @stunza @realuvrrr @jennss23 @tubl-mc @lilsstvrn
a/n: hope you guys are enjoying the more emotional side of this story!!
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo edit#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x y/n#matthew bernard sturniolo#matty b sturniolo#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#christopher owen sturniolo#chris sturniolo x you#nicolas sturniolo#nick sturniolo
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Hi, sorry if this is a weird message but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your blog.
I've never been to the appalachia region but I was born in Mississippi and only lived there for like 3 years before we moved. My mom was a travel nurse so we moved every year or two and I really loved living like that and being able to live in tons of different places but part of me is really upset that I never really belonged to a specific place.
When I was younger, I was thankful for not growing up in the south. I always heard other people talk about it, how it was nothing but inbred hillbillies and how everyone talked in a weird drawl and I was glad I never picked up the accent.
But now I'm so, so upset about it. I have a very slight accent sometimes and say y'all and ain't a lot but it's definitely not recognizable as a southern accent.
I want to sound like that, but it feels wrong to try and talk with that accent now, because my family doesn't sound like that and I don't live in the south anymore. Even though I was born there, it still feels like I'm not from there, you know? Like I would be stealing something that's not mine.
It just sucks. Especially when I hear people constantly talk shit about the south and how everyone there is stupid and ugly and racist and evil and it's like, ''Oh. Maybe if I lived there a few more years they would hate me like that too."
A lot of time I see people talking about how much it sucks to grow up in a certain culture, but I never see people talk about how much it sucks to grow up without a specific culture(s).
The worst thing is when people ask where I'm from or where I grew up, and I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
So thank you for your blog. I know the south and appalachia are different, with different cultures and climates and people, but it still makes me feel like I can experience something I never got to.
hi there. this is not weird at ALL.
its a topic very near to my heart really. thanks so much for sharing your story not only because it's yours and i want to know it, but because it resonates with me SO hard, and i don't really talk to anyone who was constantly on the move as a kid and questions their identity because of it.
long post below, as is usually the case with me and this subject.
first i wanna say: i agree that the deep south and appalachia are certainly unique from one another, but to me, they share more similarities than they do differences. your story only cements that in my mind.
we have similar politics, are embarrassed by similar stereotypes, have shameful collective histories. we have similar flavors of self-work and unlearning to do. even the accents overlap.
we also know the same struggle of trying to be louder than our region, how it feels to have our individual voices swallowed up by people who don't want to hear it because they've already decided what they think about us as if we are some monolith.
what i mean is you definitely belong in this community, and i'm so glad you are here!
now for the emotional bits: i hate making these sorts of asks about me, but i sometimes feel at a loss as how else to communicate my empathy in this specific situation.
i just hope my experience can extend a sense of solidarity and understanding to how you're feeling, as mine mirrors your own very closely. i can seriously like feel the pain radiating off of this ask and i just want you to feel seen and heard.
"The worst thing is when people ask where I'm from or where I grew up, and I don't know what I'm supposed to say."
this kicked me in the stomach, because same. it's why being "from appalachia" is so integral to my identity. i'm not from a town or even a state. all i have is the region.
i've talked about this before on here, but my dad was a contractor, and we moved every year or two as well. the longest i stayed in one town was three years, and it happened only once.
i agree that moving around a lot was good in some ways, but, like you, it left me without a sense of belonging.
looking back as an adult, i realize how badly all of that moving fucked me up. i don't have a hometown in the traditional sense. i'm not "from" anywhere.
a lot of my childhood belongings i no longer have because everything seemed to get lost in the moves. i feel like i am scattered across a region, and i am nowhere.
its so bad that, as silly as it is, i get irrationally upset at something as innocent as when i am with someone who has lived in a place most of their life, and they can easily give directions there because they know the place so well. i can't do that with anywhere and so i feel bitter.
i myself moved around consistently in appalachia/the south, though, so i still grew up in the area, as generally as one could. so i also spent most of my late childhood and preteen yearsgetting rid of the accent. i didn't want to sound "stupid" or be lumped in with the racists and the stereotypes of the region.
i thought it made me better than other kids who spoke with the accent, because back then, i hadn't started the self-work i have since undergone and ripped all that hateful internalized bullshit up.
i regret it every day now that i'm learning to love where i'm from--appalachia and the south as a region. i regret ever buying into what i was told about myself and getting rid of all markers of it.
i get it, anon. i really do and i love you and i'm sorry.
THIS IS ALL TO SAY VERY VERY LOUDLY:
you. are. from. there.
you were born in the south. you was raised by a presumably southern family. even if you wasn't, they had to take pieces of mississippi with them. culture is not a static thing--it goes where you go.
you can't steal what's already yours. the accent is yours to use. it feels awkward in your mouth when you try to get it back but that's just because it needs to get comfortable in there again. it doesn't mean you're faking or stealing. it means you are reconnecting, and reunions can sometimes be a little awkward.
don't hold yourself up to rigid standards or fall victim to any gatekeeping, outward or inward. only you get to define who you are, and it seems like you know who that is supposed to be.
i hope you can start to feel a little more at home in your identity. i know what a special hell it is. thank you so so much for being here <3333
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left - 01/08/24, right - 01/14/24
almost one week of nail growth, a bit of grooming in between these images so they're slightly different shapes (squared vs rounded) .... it's been about a month now but i wanted to share my progress of growth in just the past week!
more thoughts below the cut
just to start this off i wanna say i've been a chronic nail biter for as long as i can remember, it's something that went hand in hand with my anxiety & adhd — both my mom and stepdad also bite their nails too so i grew up around it (along with being shamed and scolded my entire life by those same people for biting my nails)
i'm very proud of the progress i've made so far, considering i started really working towards not biting my nails on dec 18 2023 ... it's now jan 14 2024, so it's been about a month of this journey trying to stop biting my nails
i don't have any advice to how i stopped biting my nails to anyone who's trying to stop, other than just. holding myself accountable and redirecting my energy towards other things. also being okay with catching myself wanting to bite my nails - such as putting my fingertips in my mouth and feeling the nails with my teeth but not biting down - i try very hard not to shame myself or be upset with myself because habits are Very hard to break. and earlier in this journey (first week or so) when i did end up biting my nails and having to start from scratch, i tried to stay positive about my progress and will continue to do so if i slip up again, yknow?
anyways. some things i've noticed since my nails are now longer than they've ever been in my life:
1. shit gets caught under my nails constantly!! this is why painting my nails black is good cuz it helps me not obsess and pick at them (don't worry, i groom very regularly so my nails Are Clean)
2. my nail beds need a lot more time to fully heal and that's okay! also, everyone's nail beds aren't 'perfect' or all symmetrical, and there's no need to obsess over "how" my nails are growing in, it's better to appreciate that they're healthy now and getting healthier by the day
3. there's certain little joys i find for myself as my nails have gotten longer - one of the main ones is that sometimes when i type on my phone now i can hear my right thumbnail clacking against the screen. i never thought i'd be to this point, but now it's an everyday occurrence!! also, being able to scratch my husband's back for real is so affirming - i actually have to be careful when scratching myself not to go too hard now, too, cuz there's nails and not just my fingertips digging into skin!
okay this is starting to get kind of rambly and honestly is mostly for myself to come back to as i continue my journey of trying to break the habit of biting my nails. i just wanna finish off by saying again that i am very proud of myself for the progress i've made so far and i'm excited to be able to look back at this post and see how much further i've come.
idk how to end this so. here's some more pics courtesy of my husband. im gonna go paint my nails again
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Also gonna make things clear cuz I've just been listening to my gf and not engaging but seriously man this is insane.
I'm not a Nazi, in the full screenshots which they cropped out, I said I had another server with absolutely no rules (besides dont be a pedo), and I was saying that in that server, everything was allowed. You people need to understand that not being able to care about something does NOT mean you support it. Its not black or white
I have NEVER said anything or made jokes regarding rape/sa, that is actually one of the things (including pedophilia) that I am very morally against. I have not spent so much of my time helping my friends report their rapists, helping vulnerable people get out of extortion online, and being there for the people in my life who have experienced that just for some randos online to lie to people about me.
The most I have made is your mom jokes and necro jokes, which I personally don't consider morally wrong, and if they are, then I'll work on it, but I don't have the same understanding of things like that. I never learned where the line is like most people have, and thats why Im dedicated to learning it in adulthood
And do not make drug use a moral issue. My "morality" about drug use is completely nonexistent because I grew up in that. I have spent many years heavily involved with drugs, I know exactly what its like, and nothing about drugs is a moral issue.
And here again the same issue of straight up fucking ableism bro. Don't try to shame me for not having conventional morals when you know damn well I, and many other people, struggle with conditions that impact that (ASPD). Hearing about the ableism towards people like me from these guys isn't surprising in the slightest
I'm not gonna say I didn't say those things, cuz like I said, I said those things, I made those jokes, and I've said worse. The difference now is that those things were said more than a year ago. It's insane how you act high and mighty and then judge me on things I said that long ago to friends who made the same jokes and encouraged that kind of behaviour (none of which I talk to anymore, for the exact reason that they encouraged my bad behaviour).
I said what I said, I know it was wrong, I take full accountability. I have spent my time since doing my best to be more than that. I have spent a lot of my time trying to adjust to moral and social norms, even when it gets really difficult and I have to deal with people like this who wont give me space to grow and change for the better.
I have amazing friends and mutuals and people in my life who support me because they know how hard I try. My girlfriend even is a fucking hardass and would NOT have put up with any of my shit if she didn't see how hard I try. I've spent a lot of time with people who are like how I was, people who have done and said much worse things than me, and I understand how uncomfortable and jarring it is. Thats exactly why I'm so passionate about being more than that. And thats why this situation bothers me so much.
You all talk about me and how I mention my disorder as if you're not just shitting on stuff that is directly tied into having ASPD. And to hear that you have a history of that stuff? Im not crazy to say theres a lot of ableism going on here. I will always be open and honest about the person I have been, but I want it to be used as a reference point for how much I've grown and changed since then.
I will always be an advocate for people like me. I will always give support and speak out for those who struggle with being treated like a bad person because of the things they say, not because of who they are. (And if you know anything about people, you know theres a huge difference)
You guys have been on me for MONTHS way after I blocked and went on with my life. In those months you've spent doing nothing but nitpicking everything single thing Ive ever done and constantly spreading negativity, I have been working on myself, and I hope that somewhere along the line, you guys have or will too
But anyways, I needed to get this out. I hope that this blows over and I can continue working on living a life full of joy and love and keeping the good people in my life. And despite everything, I hope that for all of you guys as well, I hope that you can find peace and some happiness where it counts
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Secrets
Just a little hurt/comfort and fluff for my exhausted brain.
He didn’t talk about it.
He didn’t know how.
He didn't know how to explain the longer for something he never really had.
Steve and Eddie had been playing this dangerous game for months. One of the would say ‘tell me a secret’ or ‘what do you hide away in that brain’. Steve knew it would eventually lead to something he didn’t want to dig into. Something he’d properly buried deep within, left flowers to wilt, and never visited.
“Tell me a secret, Harrington.” Eddie sighs, laying back on the wooden dock at lover’s lake.
The stars above them crystal clear in the midnight sky. Eddie had shown Steve new constellations, and they had shared a joint. It had been easy, careless conversation before those words left Eddie Munson’s lips. Steve hadn’t prepared for it, and he didn’t have something just dark enough to claim it as a secret, but not down deep enough to stir an ache in space between his ribs.
“I dunno, man. Didn’t I share last time? It’s your turn.” Steve shrugs off the question.
“Nuh uh, I told you why my dad buzzed my head last time. Spill, Stevie.” Eddie turns his head to look over at Steve, searching his eyes for bits and pieces of what’s hidden below.
“I-I, uh, I don't know.” Steve looks away, turning his attention back to the stars, hoping they’d spell out a story to tell Eddie.
“Lame.” Eddie groans and throws an arm behind his head. “And totally cheating,” He accuses.
“Fine!” Steve throws a hand up. “Fine, uh, just let me think.”
Steve took his time, rifling through the catalog of accepting trauma to share with the man he had gotten so close to. Something that wouldn’t scare him away, but also something that wasn’t hiding the truth.
“Okay, take your time.” Eddie says as he watches the stars, moonlight shining down on them.
So, Steve did. He took his time flipping through the pages of his childhood, becoming a teenager, high school, the kids, Nancy, the Upside Down, Eddie. He thumbed through the layers of his life until he landed on something he had never shared with anyone.
“I... Haven’t spent a Christmas with my parents since I was thirteen.” Steve whispers, Eddie barely hears him.
Steve stomach drops as he admits the truth.
“Wait, what?” Eddie’s brow furrows and he turns his head to look over at Steve who is staring blankly at the sky.
“My, uh, my parents don’t come home for Christmas anymore. They haven’t since I was old enough to stay by myself. Or Thanksgiving, or birthdays...” Steve trails off, closing his eyes as the ache swells in the space around his lungs.
“So, you just... spend them alone?” Eddie asks softly, as gentle as that kind of thing can be asked.
“Yeah, pretty much. I spent one Thanksgiving with the Wheelers. And I threw keg parties on my birthdays, but Christmas is always just me and their house.” Steve sighs.
“That’s why you’re the mom.” Eddie proclaims, nodding his head.
“What the actual fuck do you mean by that, Munson?” Steve looks at the man next to him like he grew a second head.
“You mom. With the kids. You show up to Lucas’ basketball games. You bring snacks to the Hellfire Club meets. You chauffeur the kids from school to the arcade to their houses and wherever else they want to go. You made sure Max got back on her skateboard. You came out to Will so he wouldn’t feel so alone. You spend way too much money on them when it’s their birthdays. You mom them.”
“Babysitter, Munson, not mom.”
“Same shit, Stevie.”
“Fine! I take care of the kids. Yeah. I make sure they never feel as alone or as unlovable as my parents have made me feel. I don’t miss their birthdays. I blow money on them because I have it to spend. I make sure they are supported in all the ways I never was.” Steve sits up, pulling his knees to his chest.
Eddie sits up as well, looking over at the taller man.
“I never want any of them to deal with the fallout. The loneliness, the anger, the sadness, the anxiety of it. I don't want any of them to feel the longing or shame that I feel.”
“Shame?”
“Yeah, man, like I did something to make my parents not want to be around, I used to blame myself a lot for that shit. I grew up, realized it wasn’t my fault, but those feelings just don’t go away.”
The men sit in silence for a long time, the sound of cicadas, the water, and small animals in the leaves are all that fills the air around them. Eddie eventually throws an arm around Steve’s shoulders and Steve leans into the older man. They sit like that, just looking over the water, watching the reflections of the stars in it.
“Well Wayne makes a mean turkey sandwich, and we buy a pumpkin pie for dessert. So, you’re coming over for Thanksgiving. And we’ll spend Christmas with the kids.” Eddie proclaims.
Steve sniffles and laughs softly, his heart warming.
“Is that so?” Steve asks.
“Hell yeah it is. You never gotta be alone again if you don’t wanna be, Stevie.” Eddie assures him.
“You promise?”
“On my sweetheart.” Eddie chuckles and tightens his arm around Steve.
“I like being alone with you.” Steve admits aloud.
Eddie smiles and presses his lips against Steve’s hair.
“Me too, baby. Could be alone with you forever.” Eddie whispers against Steve’s hair.
“Forever.” Steve proclaims and settles into his lover’s embrace.
#steddie#steve x eddie#steddie prompt#eddie stranger things#steve stranger things#romance#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things#steve harrington needs a hug#two idiots in love#hurt/comfort#steddie fluff#fluff#writers block#for fucks sake#eddie munson is alive#stranger things season four#steddie au
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teen chucky angst! i love hearing abt chuckys past. also i wanna see if you can incorporate any disorders or problems he has (if he has any)
I hope this will suffice!!! And yeah he does!!! Sorry if it’s a dad short! I’m typing this on a phone and my fingers are cramping 😭
Chucky, has no stranger to violence. In the foster foster system he was used to fighting. He was never one to get along with others. Until he was adopted. By a kind woman named Marianne, Mary for short. The boy had been about 11 at the time, when she took him in, and his distain for her was quite noticeable. He didn’t trust her, she was too nice, and had expected her to send him back…but she never did…and eventually…he began to grow close with Mary and even saw her as his mother. Her gentle hands always there to pick him up when he fell, and mend any wounds that had scarred him.
All was well for a while till she began dating his math teacher…Liam Kable. He didn’t mind him as a teacher but as someone who was in relations to his mom? No. He simply wouldn’t allow it, he hadn’t had the best father figure in his life. His own dad outright despised him, and strangled his identical twin to death thinking it was Charles. The thought of Carolus, cement his feet to the ground. His poor twin, dead…because of him. Carolus’ passing never sat well with Charles, he’d always hear his twins screams, in the back of his head, his cold pale expression fixated into his mind…Then his father….the man who haunted him. Whose voice lingered with Charles’ mind. Occasionally Chucky would see his twisted expression, grinning down on him. The hole in his midsection still there, and the cold crimson continuously running down the sides of his chapped lips. Chucky shook him from his mind and stared at Liam. He couldn’t have another father figure in his life…Not again…
…
Liam pulled himself close to Mary feeling Chucky’s eyes burning two homes in the back of his skull.
“I don’t think Chuck likes me very much”
Mary pulled Liam closer, with a faint grin on her face.
“He’s just not used to you…that’s all try bonding with him!”
Liam gave a slight nod, “that sounds like a great idea” and quickly ventured out to find Chucky
“What do you want Liam?”
The man didn’t quite know how to respond, and simply knelt down beside Chucky.
“Just wanted to help! Need any?”
“Pass”
Liam sighed knowing how stubborn Chucky could be, but he remained patient, and quietly watched Chucky build.
…
The constant observing began to annoy Chucky, causing the teen to storm off, leaving behind his unfinished product.
“CHUCKY WAIT UP”
“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE” he yelled quickening his pace.
However Liam was not letting up and followed after him, the man froze seeing the boy quickly turn around and get chest to chest with Liam.
“I know my mom put you up to this. I know you really don’t want to be here. Spending time with me…so just fuck off”
Before Chucky could let out another remark, his throat tighten, and his eyes fixated on his father standing beside Liam, his mouth still grinning, with the red liquid streaming down his cheeks.
“Gonna kill this own too Charles? Like you did to me?”
The teen could only tremble, his breathing quickening, and hot tears beginning to stream from his eyes.
“N—No…”
Liams face grew with concern, seeing Chucky so…scared. He calmly approached the boys side, softly resting his hands on Chucky’s shoulders.
“NO!” The boy pulled away, stumbling backwards, landing on his rear.
“D—Don’t hurt me”
Liam’s heart sank in that moment, he quickly retracted his hands and sat down beside Charles whose eyes seemed to be fixated on nothing.
“Just breathe Chucky…okay….just breath” Liam comforted, hoping the attack would pass.
“….”
Chucky would only watch his father, who stared at his son, his knife wound only seemed to expand and drip with dark shades of crimson.
“I bet you will Charles…You remind me a lot like your Uncle Luis…and your mother…a shame she never wanted you”
Chucky forced his head between his knees hoping the bad want would go away, just like he used to do, when he was 6, hiding in his closet with his head between his knees hoping the monster would go away.
“Please go away…Please go away”
Liam began to grow more worried by the minute, looking around to see if Mary was near.
….
Chucky took a deep breath and exhaled and watched his father fade away into nothing. And jumped a bit seeing Liam who sat by his side.
“You okay now?” The man asked gently placing an hand on Charles’ shoulder.
The teen could only nod, and lean slightly towards Liam.
…
Neither of them spoke and sat in the comforting silence. Occasionally a cricket would chirp or a mosquito would buzz but that was about it….Them and the sound of nature.
“Hey Liam” he spoke breaking the quiet.
“Yes?”
“Why did my mother keep me if she never wanted me?”
Liam could feel his eyes widen at the question. He didn’t know about the boys past or his biological parents.
“What do you mean?”
Chucky could only sigh…but he pressured forward.
“My Mother never wanted me….whenever my Mother and Dad would argue she’d always bring up the fact that she never wanted me….or my twin……she was never home and when she was she never looked or spoke to me….she was sorta kind….she never hurt me….but….it was clear…she didn’t love me….so why….did she keep us….Why?”
Liam swallowed a large lump in his throat, he didn’t know how to respond to such a response. Charles was being emotionally vulnerable and he didn’t have the answer.
“W—Well…something’s….things happen…between parents….and something’s they shouldn’t always be together….and some parents just don’t deserve great kids….”
Hearing Liam speak made the teens face soften bit, it was a nice change of pace. This man actually listened, and even cared, the realization boggled Charles.
“You think I’m…a great kid?”
The man turned his head and nodded.
“One of the bests”
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Opinion: It's so much harder to grow up as an overweight child than as a weird skinny child (both are pretty bad though to be fair). My sister and I grew up in a very broken home; bastard of a dad, crazy but fun mom lol. Lotsa personal things happened that led way to my sister and I to having different eating disorders. Her with bed and I with ana. And I will never ever forget the way adults and children alike acted towards her. It was animalistic and venomous and I've never seen such depravedness until I saw how people interacted with my sister. But you know what, I was fucking babied for being underweight! The worst of it was being frequently being pulled aside by teachers as they questioned about what I ate at home and getting called a bag of bones. I was mainly picked on for being quiet and being poor but boys and girls would defend me for being underweight. So I never felt that it was my thinness making me unlovable and ugly. No one would protect my sister but me and a few other girls. She would come home everyday from being bullied at school to being bullied by neighborhood "friends". Not even 10 years old and she couldn't take a break from anything. Yet she remained a tight suitcase, never let anyone see her cry about it, she turned to food for comfort. Food for us was how we were showed love. Our mom would take us out of the house away from our dad to get MickeyD's or when our dad didn't want to verbally apologize he would get us ice cream. I would refuse to eat but seeing my sister finally be able to breathe and enjoy herself could bring tears to my eyes. My sister and I are both grown now, and she has lost weight and you know what, she's one of the prettiest women I've ever seen. It's funny how that works as her bullies aren't so attractive as adults lmao.
uaghhh, as someone who grew up as a fat kid i'm surprised at your like, level of understanding and self-reflection and genuine honesty regarding your experience vs your sisters. i don't like kind of measuring ppl's pain as x is worse than y but fatphobia really is built into society in a truly structural way and it hurts so fucking much growing up with it like a shadow over you and everything you do lmfao, i swear. my heart just absolutely aches for both you and your sister because you obviously each went through some absolute bullshit, like it's awful on either side. though it just fucks me up so much and takes me back to childhood to hear that ppl would really have it out for your sister and that hardly anyone would defend her whereas you were at least supported in that regard. it was the same for me, like ppl absolutely took pleasure in dehumanising me and scorning me for being overweight - it was literally like i wasn't even a person and i know that sounds dramatic but in the most literal sense of the phrase, it really felt like that at times. just white hot shame following you everywhere, and your peers despising you for it. i think it's interesting how using food as a crutch when raising a kid can have such polar opposite yet equally unhealthy and awful effects on a childs mentality and their perception of body image, but it is so so common for us as people to find comfort and companionship and even a vice in food/hunger. that is definitely used against us in general, esp in the furthering of diet culture, it's a fucking hellscape. i'm wishing nothing but health and stability and self love for both you and your sister in the future - those people who messed with her are fucking demons, idc LOL. i'm so proud of you for working your way through that. sending so much love to you both! x
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Colours: kiss me, sunshine, soup, why
Video games: I want to know your 23! Also 8 and 27?
Colors: well you putting kiss me first makes me think you need to tell me something come kiss me if you want to so bad /p
Video games: 8, maybe Terraria? Zelda? I don't play a whole lot of games nor usually have the desire to unless it looks super interesting to me
27: EPIC MICKEY. HANDS DOWN. The depressing, run down environments really sell the feeling that Wasteland was left to rot. You can see the Thinner Disaster's ugly remnants all over in the waterways and pooled around random locations that really sell the consequences of Mickey's ignorance at the start of the game. Oh yeah, and Mickey inadvertently caused every major event prior to when he actually gets to Wasteland lol the music too? ICONIC. IMMACULATE. You can really feel the depressing, clunky, melancholic nature of the entire game. Disney will never make another game as great as EM I swear
Now the big one, 23, my greatest wow moment was probably before I even started playing the game. (Big The Binding of Isaac spoilers ahead)
My bf had offered to buy me the game and I was thinking hey cool, I had heard of this game years ago and watched all the cutscenes, it wouldn't hurt to get a refresher. Don't wanna look like a dummy in front of him so I did. I however did not realize Repentance added new cutscenes and holy shit.
The one that hit me the most was the "True Ending" or Home/Beast ending. There, after defeating the "mother of harlots" (the third or fourth mom boss variant otherwise known as The Beast) you hear the narrator describing her death and Isaac's ascent into heaven:
"and as he flew, he could see echos of his past before him;
He saw his mother mourning the loss of her son.
He saw his father leaving them without turning to say goodbye.
He saw his mother sleeping, and his father taking money from her purse.
He heard the late night fights they had that kept him up at night, and the guilt he felt for what he believed he was causing.
He felt the pain in his stomach during those sleepless nights, and his shadow in the closet waiting for him.
As he rose he felt his fears drop from his body. His shame, his worry, pulled from his being. As he became lighter, his ascent became faster.
He saw his one true companion alive and well!
He saw his mother and father together again, holding each other!
He felt his mother kissing him on the head after he had said his prayers, and the comfort in knowing someone was watching over him.
He saw his own birth and the faces of his parents, filled with joy and optimism.
And then, he saw nothing."
The "narrator" had been previously revealed to be Isaac's father and he asks him if he wants to write a different story, one with a happy ending. He asks Isaac if he's getting sleepy (the voice actor for him is so authentic and adorable I'm tearing up thinking about his delivery of his lines) to which he says yes. He begins another story; "Isaac and his parents" instead of "Isaac and his mother" like at the start of the game.
There're two ways to interpret this; the "it was all a story made by Isaac and his dad" theory which is really dumb because it doesn't make much sense at all given what we know about the other endings and what the story bosses represent.
The theory I personally believe is Isaac is dead and in heaven. Isaac was never a bad kid like he thought he was and given what I know about Christianity (as I am a Christian myself) Isaac would absolutely get into heaven. I believe the narrator who is telling him these stories is God, or at least how Isaac is perceiving him with a similar voice as his own father since he probably grew up with pastors teaching about how God is our Father in heaven.
This ending did and still wrecks me. I'm emotional thinking about it. Such a powerful ending nobody really expected from a nihilistic, satirical, shitposty game like TBOI but it's probably my favorite. And now you see why I said I have my own personal answer for 23 prepared lol
Hope these are the answers you wanted, I could go on for ages about Epic Mickey and The Binding of Isaac, probably my two favorite games of all time
#ask me things#epic mickey#the binding of isaac#crying sobbing weeping isaac my baby boy my child#there's a reason i still rep him on discord#and I'm afraid if i change my pfp my bf won't be able to find me lol#I've had that isaac pfp for like 2 almost 3 years now and I'm afraid to change it#edit: CRYING I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED MY SCREENSHOT OF THE VG ASK NUMBERS HELP
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I cannot express this clearly enough so let me say it as best I can...
The reason I don't go off about "AI is bad AI is scary!" is not because I condone the use of AI to steal people's art, writing, voice, or likeness; because I don't condone that at all. The reason you don't hear me go off about "AI is bad AI is scary!" is because AI isn't actually the problem here... The people who use AI for these things are the problem and I refuse to let them get away with their horrible shitty behavior by letting them scapegoat lines of code that we've literally had for decades but haven't been usable for the common individual due to a lack of understanding, an understanding that the common individual STILL lacks.
If you actually care to know my thoughts past that summary I got you fam. All that I ask of you is that you have the reading comprehension level to understand that I do not condone theft in any form, outside of shoplifting necessities from specifically large chains (do not steal from mom and pop shops or small chains like mall stores it impacts the workers on the lowest rungs of the ladder.)
I literally expressed to a good friend of mine not too long ago that I had used an AI to generate a reference image since I'm trying to get better at art. Without so much as any understanding of my process he began to shame me for it, which made it very hard to explain to him that I had actually trained the model in it's entirety myself; on my own art so that it would produce reference images closer to how I actually draw already and thus make it easier for me to understand how the drawing would look in my style. He then went off about how even if that were true, it wouldn't know what common things are, like how it knows what an owl looks like; to which I had to explain to him that stock photos exist and how I have literally done photography as a hobby for years so most of the images were literally my own photography (most of my family are artists whether that be photography, writing, music, or painting and I grew up in this environment) the only images used to train the AI that weren't literally created by my hand were legally owned stock photos that I used to help round it out a little since obviously I don't have great photos of everything ever that I might want to try my hand at drawing. This explanation literally took me hours, and the actual explanation would have taken me about 5 minutes but we couldn't get past "AI bad AI scary!" to get to "actually you can ethically train an AI to use art, photography, and images of your own creation and not have to steal anything from anyone; ever. All of the images, and art that are used by my AI are used with permission of their original creator, because I am that creator." The AI doesn't even run on the internet or connect to the internet, so it's not like it could pull results from some secret third party or website or something. It's just a huge help as someone who suffers from ADHD, I can't very easily keep an image in my mind and remember the finer details as I draw, and I am not a skilled enough artist yet to know how things should look in relation to other things just yet. However despite all of this I still have had a lot of people get upset with me simply for even USING an AI in the first place.
It's honestly as if people forget what "AI" really even is, it's code. That's it; that's the end all be all of it. Every video game under the sun that you love uses code, and I'm willing to bet good money it uses AI, it's own AI; because a lot of shit has for a long, LONG time. We're only seeing a problem with it now because it's finally being made open source, brought to the masses; and in those masses there will always be people who use it for the wrong reasons. I've been told that my thoughts on AI sound like some 2nd amendment right winger talking about guns and gun laws, which is honestly just annoying because I cannot in my right mind think of an ethical use case for a gun. The best case scenario with a gun is that it's a waste of money you never have to use. However when you break down what AI really is, it's just a bunch of code that can use the knowledge given to it (by a human being) to discern patterns and calculate what mathematically should happen next based on the parameters and then do that thing. There are so many use cases for that, everything from simply trying to calculate a minecraft seed to stuff as complex as surgery (although I would probably still feel more comfortable with human surgery lol)
The only difference between AI and say a basic start up sequence for a computer is that a sequence like that is pre-written by the programmer, it's a line of commands the computer will just follow; while AI has a line of commands that tells it to basically write it's own code and execute it based on the commands that give it "knowledge" of how to do everything. There's no "thinking" there's no "consciousness" it's all calculation and mathematics; which some may equate to consciousness and thinking; but like at that point I think you're just getting into the weeds about it.
What I'm trying to say with all of this is simple though, the tl;dr is this:
That age old saying of "a computer should never be put in a position of power because a computer cannot be held accountable for it's actions" is how I feel about AI, people want to point the finger at AI saying that it stole someone's art or voice or something; and no it didn't AI didn't do that A PERSON DID, BLAME THE PERSON; DO NOT LET THE INDIVIDUAL GET AWAY WITH USING A TOOL TO MAKE THEIR THEFT EASIER, THE PERSON IS STILL THE ONE AT FAULT.
Ai has no conscious thought, it cannot do anything it is not explicitly told to. If I go out and use an AI to generate art or to steal someone's style, that's on ME not the AI; the AI is just a tool, I could have just as easily gone about it some other way. I view AI as a sort of accessibility tool, it makes a lot of lives easier it can make everything from hobbies to jobs easier WITH PROPER USE, but the lazy idiotic assholes who don't bother with proper use and wish to abuse it should be the ones being held accountable. If a studio uses an AI to steal someone's voice and likeness then blame the studio for misuse of their tools!
If I run over 20 people with my car, the car is not at fault; I am. Rightfully so! If I generate 20 images that uses art from various photographers or drawings from artists without their permission or knowledge well, I guess the AI did it; can't blame me right? When people aren't held accountable, they'll just go do it again.
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im begging you to rethink that pinned post. FAT TRANS PEOPLE are begging you to reconsider that post. none of us are telling you to be kinder to trump—we're asking you to be kinder to fat people. we don't deserve to be thrown under the bus for a dig at him that won't even hurt him. there are a million ways to insult him without talking about his weight. his weight is not why he is evil, and we are not evil for being fat. think about why this is even where you want to go with your insults. if the person taking away the rights of trans people was in a wheelchair, would you insult them with ableism? if the person taking away the rights of trans people was not white, would you insult them with racism? why would you fight bigotry with bigotry? WHO does this help?
we ARENT trying to muzzle you, or trying to assimilate. we are asking you not to use your comrades as cannon fodder. calling a fascist a fatass is not some kind of radical protest. the only people who will be hurt by it are the ones you claim are your friends. fat people in your life will hear you and think to themselves that you find their bodies worthy of mockery.
personally, i like to say that i look forward to using his future grave as a gender neutral bathroom. more creative insults are often stronger, anyways.
personally, i like to say that i look forward to using his future grave as a gender neutral bathroom
On that, we agree! The rest... not so much. I'm glad you didn't heap invective on me or tell me I'm a bad person in your reply so I'll share the following with you and ask you to hear me out.
This was my reply to a very snarky and very freshly-unwrapped-activist critic on another platform:
I'm not sure why, but many well-intentioned people - well, some of them are well intentioned, a lot of them chimed in to hurl insults and invective at me - have missed the point by an alarming and troubling country mile.
You have jumped to the conclusion that my goal here is to somehow annoy Donald Trump, and that this indicates I am a hopeless, horrible, fat shaming thug. I resent that deeply. I grew up obese. I know what this is like.
Do you really think so little of me, a lifelong gay activist with 37 years of service to the leather community fighting for our rights, someone you have never even met, that you think you can lob such a high-handed and patronizing sentiment my way with no regard for how I might feel? Check your human decency; you may be a quart low.
If you got the impression that the intent of this post was to brigade Donald Trump, I'm not sure where to begin. The point is not about fat. The point is that as I stated, Donald Trump is our murderer.
Our community is already suffering. People are fleeing, literally uprooting their life and moving everything in an economy where there is no money to spare, because of this onslaught against us.
And you and others have to be so self-involved, so conditioned to respond with boilerplate sloganeering and empty SJW admonitions, that you put the feelings of a hypothetical few ahead of the thousands, the millions of us who are in danger right now?
Sorry. I don't buy it, and your stubborn, nearsighted stance makes you and those who share your view complicit with Trump, Libs of TikTok, Chaya Raichik, Matt Walsh, Tucker Carlson, Elon Musk, Moms for Liberty, Gays Against Groomers, and every legislator who's pushing trans bans, drag bans, treatment refusal to LGBTQ+ people, and legislation being drafted RIGHT NOW that will remove ALL of us from participation in civil society.
The purity culture that is in vogue in our community today is clearly dangerous to our welfare and our continued existence. As Al Gore once said to Bill Clinton, "You could get with the goddam program."
I am not making fat jokes. I cannot say it any more clearly than if I were to tattoo it on my forehead. If you or anyone else is hurt, then grow a spine and thicken your skin. Activists need to be sensitive, not delicate. Neither I nor any other OG activist who marched 10,000 miles through the streets 30 years ago to save ourselves from AIDS is going to mollycoddle you or indulge you.
If you're not currently in activist mode, you are wrong. If your priority is to put the potential hurt feelings of a very few ahead of the suffering of the forcibly detransitioned in Florida and the unspeakable plans that are being readied for a vote, you are complicit, along with everyone who holds that sentiment.
If "body shaming" is your pet cause, well, enjoy being proud of your body when the Proud Boys show up with automatic rifles and assault weapons at a drag fundraiser in your town, as they have been doing regularly over the past year in Texas, Missouri, and the Midwest. What next? A benefit for Kiwi Farms at the LGBTQ+ Community Center? Spare me.
I have no time or tolerance for this.
Soooooo, there you have it. That's not just a Wall O' Text - it's an entire amphitheater with seating for 100,000! And every brick is meant to be dismantled one by one, handed to every queer activist we've got, and thrown with velocity and vigor at the head of Donald J. Trump and all who want to see us beaten down and dead. Make sure your aim is true.
Thank you for writing, for asking, and for reading.
#information gladly given#queer is not a slur#it's a fucking battle cry#queer activism#animal j. smith#lgbtq+ activism#lgbtq+
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Life advice question… Okay here it goes: I have been dating someone who I love very much for more than a year. Let’s call him Joe. It’s a crazy long story, but I have loved him since highschool which was 9 years ago now. We were never together until a year ago but we were friends as teenagers. In 2021 I made a lot of mistakes including marrying someone for 6 months who was wrong for me because of guilt and religion but I never forgot about Joe all along. I moved back with my mom after the divorce from my failed “marriage” in 2021 and reconnected with my long lost love. I know I want to be with Joe and we are thinking of moving in together but my mom and my grandparents will look down on me because they believe that you shouldn’t move in together before marriage. It hurts so much because I too have these thoughts internalized from religious trauma but I want to live with him so bad but I’m scared of my family’s response. They already see me as a dumb slut for staying over with him on the weekends. I already tried the no sex, no anything before marriage thing and I ended up with a lying, psychopathic narcissist that used religion against me so I really don’t believe that it is the right choice for everyone. I know you grew up in a religious home too so you might understand. What should I do? I’m so scared. I’m getting older now and everyone else seems to have moved on with their lives and settled down. My boyfriend says he wants to live together at least a little while before getting married which is understandable because you don’t really know somebody until then, which I experienced first hand.
I feel like I can’t handle the judgment of my family, but I want to be with the love of my life. He comes from a much more relaxed background which sees sex and relationships as natural and without a strict timeline. It’s so much pressure when my mom always says I had a five year old and was married at your age all the time, why doesn’t he love you, what’s going on? she says he’s just using me and doesn’t care about me because he hasn’t proposed within a year, which hurts me so much, and is far from the truth, but when I hear it all the time it messes with my head. I try to explain my choices and my relationship but I just go mute and shut down. I’ve always loved your writing, and although it’s cringy to say, I feel like I relate a lot to Link never forgetting about and loving Ghirahim (my boyfriend is eccentric, artistic, sensual and wild at times, but that’s why I love him) in your story and everyone not understanding and worrying. It hit me on such a deep level to read even years ago. Ive never loved anybody like I love my boyfriend, and I don’t want to marry some random guy because he is “perfect” in my family’s perspective. What do you think I should do in this situation, it just feels so crushing and depressing at times? I’m just trying to live my life and follow my heart without feeling so much guilt and shame. Thank you for reading.
Hi, anon! That is a lot 💖 Deep breath. It's going to be okay 🫂
You're right, I was raised in a very religious home—Mormon, specifically. Looking back, I think a lot of Blind, But Now actually arose from my complicated feelings about disentangling from the beliefs I grew up with, but I hear that it makes a good metaphor for other scenarios, as well. I'm glad you found something to relate to 💖
A few grains of salt before I attempt to offer any advice (along with the general caveats thrown in that I'm not any sort of professional, your mileage may vary, etc, etc):
I can't speak to the specifics of your relationship with Joe, though in a way, that's almost beside the point. It sounds like you've known him for a long time, and you love and trust him enough to want to continue the relationship. No red flags jump out at me from your telling of things (lmao except maaaybe you comparing him to Ghirahim, but I'm going to assume you didn't mean that too literally 😂). It's definitely the widely accepted practice outside of religious circles to move in together before marriage (or with no intention to marry), and his asking does not at all indicate a lack of love.
I also talked to my sister a little bit about this because, to be honest, I'm the only one of my siblings who actually did the whole no living together/sex before marriage thing 🙃 The only reason my marriage has worked out as well as it has is because my husband and I have both grown a lot in similar directions since getting married, but it still has its complications.
That all being said, this is actually the best possible time for you to start looking to disentangle yourself from a living situation that's causing you so much stress and shame. I personally am the type of person to contort myself into knots to keep the peace, often to my own detriment. I think you might relate. Still, imagine the kinds of decisions you'll have to make down the line to keep that peace, and what your life might look like as a result. Imagine if your first marriage had resulted in children before you left it (as an aside, generally speaking, early 20s with a five year old is NOT the aspirational lifestyle some people make it out to be 😂). The longer you wait, the more you let your life seep into the cracks of least resistance, the higher your exit cost will be later on. As hard as it is (and it is hard!) this is the perfect stage of life to rip the bandaid, so to speak.
The next thing I'll say is that even if you weren't looking to move in with a romantic partner, I would still be suggesting that you start looking for a way to get out from under your mom's roof. Now obviously, I don't know your exact situation. There might be circumstances or disabilities on your part that make financial stability nearly impossible—and either way, "become financially stable" isn't exactly actionable advice on its own. 😜
What I can say is that there is a freedom and relief you can experience once you don't have your moms' words in your ear every day—freedom that I doubt you experienced during those six months with an emotionally abusive husband. All of my siblings found it much easier to develop their own personal belief systems outside of my parents' house, and my parents don't use language even a tenth as shaming as your mom seems to. I even know somebody right now who's working on a career training program with the goal of getting out of their religious dad's house who they know won't accept their queer identity.
Moving in with Joe could hopefully make that goal more financially achievable in the short term, and I really think that in itself would help you a lot—but I guess I would caution you not to consider that an end to things, either? There are reasons that your living situation with Joe might fall apart aside from the relationship not working out, and I don't know that it would be good for you to have to go back home afterwards if it did. Just... keep the long-term future in mind, I guess. If you don't feel beholden to your family for financial support, you won't feel so beholden to their belief system, either.
With alllll that being said, just from reading your message, I think you still have a lot of religious trauma to work through (which is totally understandable!). I can't quite get a feel for your current state of belief (nor, I'm realizing now, do you specify the religion itself? For some reason, I've been imagining an evangelical situation, though I guess there are plenty of other possibilities). Maybe *you* don't even know your current state of belief.
I know that the advice to get therapy gets thrown around a lot as if it's not often a difficult or expensive thing to obtain, but if you do have the means, I think the right therapist could really help you work through some of your beliefs and shame. If not, I would seek out a community—if not one to participate in, then at least one to observe. Maybe there's a podcast you could listen to, or a subreddit you could lurk in—something to help you realize not only that you aren't alone in your situation, but that there are others who have made it through to thrive on the other end. If some of these feel too intense—if, for example, you don't want to abandon your beliefs entirely—then only take what you need and don't feel pressured into anything you're not ready for. As somebody taking the first, hesitant steps out of Mormonism, I wasn't ready to deal with accusations of ill-intent or subterfuge against church leaders, or sacred things made light of, or speculations that Joseph Smith's visions stemmed from mushrooms, or really any of the bitterness typical of exmos in their angry phase. I just needed to see how the church and its teachings were causing people harm on a systemic level and take my own steps from there.
As for moving in with Joe against your family's wishes, know that it will be hard, but you are not the first, and not alone 💖 When my sister first moved in with her boyfriend, my parents really struggled with how to handle it, but eventually decided not to bring it up, hoping, I think, to be the soft place to land if things went south. Her boyfriend's parents took it much worse, judging them verbally and constantly until her boyfriend, with boundary setting skills that I envy, finally told his parents that they couldn't continue on like that AND keep him in their lives. Things were really rocky there for a few years, but even they've reached a state of equilibrium since then.
Parents' reactions to their children's decisions are as varied as the parents themselves, but a few things I can say: even if they come from a place of love, your mom's words to you right now are not helpful or loving. Her truth is not your truth, nor must her values be your values. While I don't subscribe to the idea that we don't owe anyone anything in this life, what you owe your mom does NOT extend to your life lived in a way that she would approve of. Rather, as a parent, it's her responsibility to realize that children grow up to be their own people and love you anyway. You have nothing to be ashamed of—and though it doesn't always feel that way, your 20s are still young. As hard as it is right now to take the leap, years from now, you'll be so glad that you did 💖
Again, this is all based on my own perspective from a limited view of things, but I hope there's something helpful to take from all this 😅 Wishing you all the love and luck!
#uhhhh how to tag this#long post#religious trauma#i kind of tried to proofread this after writing it but it was very long 😅#sorry about that
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BANG
✨Cutie OC✨
Furthering my quest to draw my redacted listeners! Here we have Cutie, and though I’m still a little mad about his last video, I love him.
Also, I’m sure it’s pretty obvious by now, but all of my listener ocs are gnc icons lol. Otherwise they’d all be cishet and that’s boring /j
Info about him under the cut!
Behold my kidcore love child >:)
My Cutie is named Harper and uses he/him pronouns (big shocker at this point, I know)
He is, yes, you guessed it, trans
5’4”
❤️💙💛KIDCORE💛💙❤️
He wears whatever he wants, clothes don’t have gender ✋🙄
His closet is mostly comprised of multicolored articles of clothing
He definitely owns one of those multicolored Teddy Fresh hoodies.
He definitely got it in an XL, and Geordi definitely steals it sometimes.
Always a bottom, but not always a sub ;)))
Usually calm and reserved, but forever internally screaming
Can’t fight for shit, but can and will blackmail you
👽autism coded👽 (fight me, you won’t)
Very shy around new people; very open and loud with known people
He tends to be a bit of an open book, not exactly afraid of expressing himself
Not to mention he can hear everyone’s thoughts, so he doesn’t really worry about what people think of him. Besides he’ll just tell your wife you’re sleeping with her mom if you make him upset
He grew up with zero privacy, practically raised without shame.
“Did you just wipe your greasy hands off on your pants?”
“Ye”
He talks A LOT to fill in the dead air. If there is silence, he is FILLING IT
Only time he doesn’t talk is when others are speaking. He listens carefully to everything, spoken aloud or not.
Most of his brain is just other people’s thoughts to be honest.
40% cute (obviously); 30% affectionate; 30% horny
Don’t give him candy unless you’re prepared to put him on a leash.
This boy runs on skittles and energy drinks and sugar packets he steal from local coffee houses, which he then proceeds to practically snort throughout the day like its some sort of drug
He’s chaotic, okay?
His bloodstream is mostly composed of artificial flavors.
Kind of an over thinker, and his way to cope with that is to listen to someone else’s thoughts in favor of his own.
Geordi is his favorite channel to tune in to 👌
They’re both messes
He struggles to form relationships (he’s usually too closed off or too forward), so it’s a wonder he and Geordi ever made it this far
Geordi probably met him in a grocery store
He saw Harper contemplating if he should start eating the pack of Swedish fish he hadn’t paid for yet, and he was in love.
⚠️
CW: self harm mention
He has a problem of unconsciously hurting himself when he’s upset.
He won’t even realize after the fact, until Geordi starts freaking out because, “Jesus Christ you just slammed your arm against the corner of the wall and it’s already bruising”.
He also has OCD, which doesn’t help with his self harming tendencies.
Geordi once had to stop him from banging the left side of his head against the wall because only the right side had a headache.
When overwhelmed, he gets loud; like raised voice, fists hitting table, throwing something at the wall
Anything to overpower the noise in his head
On the basis of pet names, he usually just calls Geordi his name, but sometimes calls him “Pretty/Lover Boy” (and on rare occasion, “Punkin”)
He basically doesn’t sleep.
It’s like he’s battery operated or something, cause he could go without sleep for 42 straight hours and seem fine until he faceplants on his way to the couch
Because of this, he usually falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
Caffeine can only do so much for ones tired body.
Though sometimes he’s able to stay awake and cuddle Geordi as they both drift to sleep, which leads to slurred conversations in his half-asleep state.
Which is when he starts calling Geordi “Punkin”
#redacted asmr#art#illustration#oc#redacted cutie#original character#drawing#redacted cutie oc#redacted asmr listener#redacted listener#redacted listener oc#redacted fanart#redacted ocs#redacted headcanons#listener oc#redacted art#redactedverse#gendered listener#redacted audio#redacted audio listener#masc!listener#fem coded listener
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Milk and Honey Blog Post #431
~ Posted January 15, 2023
Hello, My name is Mod Milk for the fansite Milk and Honey.
I wanted to tell this because our blog turned 6 three days ago and I felt compelled to write this story down. I hesitated to post it on the 12th because I didn’t want anyone to think less of this site and the hard work we put in (We don’t call ourselves the first Moxy fansite for nothing). As I look back over these six years, this story needs to be told cause it's the reason we exist.
On January 12, 2017, I was lucky enough to attend a 127 fansign with my friends after the release of Limitless. My friends and I became fans of the boys after Firetruck was released. We weren’t able to make it into the fansign for their debut but this time we were extremely lucky. Everyone was trying to get in so they could say they were among the first to get Johnny and Doyoung’s autographs. We were all excited to meet the members for the first time. Except one.
For Context: My mom dropped me off at the location of the fansign. She promised to pick me up cause the hall was on her way to work. I found my friends and we took our seat, waiting for the members to walk out.
During this time, My friends and I made a plan and set it in motion. A shameful plan.
We, like many others at the time, were against Moxy joining the group. To show our solidarity with other fans, We ignored her. Skipped over her and went straight to the next member. Disregarding how hard it was, not just for us fans but for her to adjust to us.
Soon enough, Moxy left close to the end of the fansign, managers told us she had a headache that wouldn’t go away and Moxy went to rest. Most of the girls saw through the excuse including myself and the friends with me.
As the minutes passed and the fansign officially ended, my friends all got picked up by their parents until I was left alone. I had texted my mom but she got held up at work and wouldn’t arrive for an hour.
As I stood there feeling like an idiot, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around to see Doyoung Johnny and Moxy heading to their car with a couple of managers with them. Part of me questions why they were leaving without the rest of the group in tow but I was too concerned with any of them noticing me.
More Context: Doyoung and Johnny were visibly annoyed with the girls that were skipping Moxy in the line
Unfortunately for me, my pleading with the universe didn’t work. My eyes met Moxy’s and hers narrowed, not in a menacing way but in a questioning way. As the group made their way around me, Moxy stopped half-way turning around to head my way.
“Hey, are you here alone?” Silently I nodded, I kept my head down hoping she wouldn’t notice me.
“You were at the fansign right? Is someone on their way to pick you up?” As quickly as I could I explained how my mom was held up at work and was an hour away from arriving. Moxy grew frustrated, I didn’t know if it was because of me or something else. I didn’t have enough time to contemplate because Moxy ran over to where the group's managers, Johnny and Doyoung were waiting. For a moment, I couldn’t here what they were discussing until Moxy shouted
“Look I’m not letting a young girl wait for her mom in the cold for an hour! We don’t have any more schedules today and honestly, I don’t feel like hearing Taeyong mouth about today. You guys take the van, I’ll call a cab and stay until her mom comes.” With that she returned to me and directed me inside the building not taking a glance back as her members left.
For the whole hour, Moxy sat and talked to me. Asked me questions about my life and how I became a fan of NCT. She showed so much interest in me even though my friends and I were horrible to her earlier.
Just as my mom pulled up, I bowed to her. Thanking her for being so kind when I had been mean. All she did was smile and walked me to the car. But what she said was what stuck with me. What made me start this blog.
“It can be tough. Change. This isn’t an easy spot to be put in. I just want you to know one thing. I’ve worked so long but my members have all worked longer than I have. I would never want to ruin this for them. You and I are the same. We both want NCT to go far and further than others think it can. So could you possibly find it in you to give me a chance? I promise I won’t let you down.” Moxy winked before greeting my mom who was thanking her profusely.
As we pulled away, Moxy’s ride pulled up. She and I locked eyes one last time and she waved goodbye.
I spent the rest of the night regretting my actions while my so-called friends were celebrating what they did. Now, I knew Moxy wasn’t as bad as everyone online was making her out to be. So I took a stand. I made this blog and it changed my life. I made new friends and my fandom of NCT did a 180. I appreciate and love every member equally (except Moxy, She’s Queen!)
I made this post not only to reveal how this blog came to be but to be transparent. I’m not perfect. Neither is Moxy. She is and wasn’t this infallible or impassive person. She was put in a tough place made worse by our reactions as fans. But if you were even on the fence on whether to stan her, I promise you won’t regret it.
And Moxy doesn’t break her promises.
Love, Mod Milk.
This is a new idea for me. My brains splitting time between the present and Moxy's beginning months in NCT. I hope you all enjoyed this look into how the fans reacted to Moxy's debut!! Also let me know if reading this in the chat font is difficult cause I can change it to make it an easier read ~Author Izzy
#NCT AG#NCT AG.Moxy#NCT AG.Writing#NCT AG.Social#nct female unit#nct female subunit#nct female member#nct female addition#nct female oc#kpop fake group#kpop female member#kpop!au#kpop addition#kpop!fakegroup#kpop!addition#kpop!oc
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