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#im just starving myself and never gained back the weight I lost four years ago from starving myself im sure this is all suuuuuper normal and
boomerang109 · 22 days
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#tw disordered eating#no because at what point do I admit to myself that just because it’s wrapped up in a couple extra layers of neurodivergence and sensory#sensitivity at the end of the day I find comfort in not eating and the control of hunger#and like I genuinely don’t have enough energy to get through the day because im simply not eating enough and can’t remember the last time#i have and like at what point do I admit that this is actually a problem#cause like I haven’t seriously looked into a job for the summer cause im like. idk if ill be able to feed myself#but I keep being like ‘oh it’s just an adhd issue’ ‘it’s a meal prep issue’#what if it’s a fear of change issue#what if starving myself is the only goddamn thing I can control in this world even if I don’t admit to myself#i don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to get better#and I have so much shame because I grew up hearing about my mom having an eating disorder in her twenties and it was always like well don’t#worry mom you’re raising me with a better relationship with food so I won’t have that issue#well guess who’s in their twenties and went to one session with a dietician and the dietician was concerned they were malnourished lmao#(i don’t think i checked off enough of the symptoms to actually qualify. but still. the fact that it was a consideration?)#and I just. I literally don’t know where im going to go this summer#because I need someone to teach me how to eat. to teach me how to grocery shop and meal prep and cook#because I KNOW im capable of all those things but no one has ever walked me through all the steps so it’s too scary to me rn to do#but I literally cannot even fathom making anyone put up with my presence for 3 months let alone being like ‘oh also will you help me get#better? cause I’ve tried on my own and it’s just not working’#i just put the tw here but I moved it to the top so people could be warned before reading but#love that I refuse to use anything other than that tag because that would be admitting this was real#im just starving myself and never gained back the weight I lost four years ago from starving myself im sure this is all suuuuuper normal and#just a silly little phase#(fr tho if i need any other tws let me know i don’t wanna trigger anyone)
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skiin-ii-min-blog · 7 years
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motivation/tips/safety||| i previously uploaded this but my account was deleted
Thinspo Page Repeat after me: This year I WILL get skinny. No matter what it takes what you EAT in private. You WEAR in public ✿ Tips to not eat: •Think of how eating has caused you so much sadness as a result of your weight •Think of something to kill your appetite, such as a look or comment someone has made to you •Think of your crush or bae’s exs if they have any and how you compare. You’ll be so much more desirable when you lose weight. Make them jealous, you can do it. People will be so much more attracted to you too •Eating makes you feel regret and disgusting so stop doing that to yourself!!! 
•You actually feel really good after a few days of not eating which is really motivating •Your skin will clear up and start to look really good when you only consume water every day. Eating is mental. Find your head space and stop eating. You will feel so good about yourself and you will lose weight. You deserve to love your body and it’s as easy as drinking only water. Meanspo
•Don’t eat you fucking whale. You want to get fatter? No? Then ignore the urges, ignore the cravings, and one day you’ll be skinny. But only if you don’t binge. Dont fuck this up. Put the food back, drink your water and go do something better with your time.
Honestly you just keep eating and eating, will you ever fucking stop? You won’t get a thigh gap and flat stomach if you pig out whenever you get a chance. Absolutely fucking pathetic. You tell yourself that you’re strong enough to go without food then you binge whenever you get a chance. How can you even say you have an eating disorder when you’re so fucking fat? Imagine walking at the mall or walking into school and feeling like people are staring at you not because you’re fat but because they envy your thin body. You’ll never get there if you keep letting food control you, pig. You count calories but can’t control yourself enough to keep the number low. You do pitiful little exercises but it’s not near enough. Work harder or you’ll never be skinny. Work harder or you’ll never be beautiful. Stop making fucking excuses and get yourself under control before you gain even more weight. Fast, restrict, exercise until you feel sick, do whatever you need to do to get rid of all the fat that makes you look like a goddamn whale. 
You think you’re thin enough to eat that?
* You think you can eat all that and still be thin? You know the minute you put that in your mouth you’ll regret it. You’ll gain and be the pig you always were. Look at yourself. You don’t need that extra scoop of ice cream. You’re so hopeless thinking you’re thin enough to eat that piece of pie. You’re not even close. You think if you keep up all these fat ass tendencies you’ll reach your goal weight? Ha. I don’t think you’ll ever reach your goal! Why do you even have one? Every time I see you you’re eating again! Just stop! Maybe if you stop eating all the time you’ll lose a few! Hell you could lose a lot! Thick thighs, cottage cheese looking ass and saggy fat boob? Is that what you want people to see you for? Because that all I see in you. Stop eating. Your new diet is water. You want to get thin? Stop eating like a pig bitch.
* You’ve gotta stop thinking about those cookies. You dont need anymore, look how fat you are. Do you want to be a pig? The food doesn’t control you, snap it of it. One is fine but two or three? That’s over doing it. You’re a fucking fat ass and you look like one too. But honey, I promise you, if you dont eat any more junk you wont have to be a fat ass for long. You didn’t buy that scale for nothing. You didn’t buy it so you could keep it in the corner, under your bed and be afraid to look at it. You bought it so you could feel the satisfaction of watching the numbers go down. Think about how good you’ll feel every pound that you lose. All your hard efforts have paid off, you can’t deny that. You’re 7 pounds away from your first goal weight. It could be four next week if you keep it up. So what do you think you’re doing, eying those cookies? 
•Do you even want to be beautiful? Think about it. Is stuffing your face with sweets beautiful? Would a beautiful person keep eating like you do? No. Beautiful is bones. Collarbones, hipbones. You say you want them but then you go and eat like shit. Go to your room. Drink the water. Close your eyes and imagine yourself running your fingers down your ribcage. Oh, you’re hungry? Too bad. Remember the joy you felt when you saw that you were three pounds lighter? With your jacket and shoes on and everything. Now imagine being three more pounds lighter. And then three more. Until eventually you’re at your second goal weight. You long for that, right? Then. Dont. Eat. I know its hard to imagine now, baby, but you can be like those girls in those pictures. Like the girls you admire. After a while you’ll start to notice your pants being lose. Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing your favorite shirt actually look good on you. Then imagine putting on one that you grew out of a while ago. Sounds nice right? Think about all the pants you’ve had to give up because your thighs rubbed against each other so much that it caused a hole. Imagine not even having to worry about that because your thighs dont touch. That sounds good, right? But it’ll take some time. The more you eat, the more time it’ll take. So dont eat anymore okay? You did well today. I’m proud of you. Soon you wont be little miss piggy anymore. * If you were skinny he’d still want to talk with you. If you were skinny he wouldn’t have moved on. If you were skinny he would text you first. If you were skinny you wouldn’t feel like a burden. Stop eating those chips you fat pig. He won’t ever notice you if you keep eating. If you stop eating he’ll stop texting other girls. If you stop eating his hands could glide on your body. If you stop eating you can pull off the crop top and shorts.
STOP EATING YOU PIG MAKE HIM LIKE YOU My Reasons:
* no more muffin top 
* no more shame 
* you can look good in skirts/tights 
* show everyone that you’re not the fat one and to be skinnier than everyone else 
* so you don’t have to wear baggy tops, even though you’ll look just as good in them too! 
* no more fat thighs 
* no more embarrassing jiggling
* no more chubby cheeks& double chin 
* your arms won’t flab
* better cosplay 
* small and dainty wrists 
* long& slim fingers
* bony hands
* bony ankles
* beautiful and skinny back 
* beautiful rib cage 
* hip bones. 
* prominent collar bones& chest bones 
* you can actually get on people’s back without them thinking about how heavy you are 
* you’ll look tiny and beautiful 
* beautiful and tiny stomach 
* your calves won’t look thick and gross 
* skinny jeans always look better on skinny people 
* knee high socks
* you can wear bed shorts without making yourself want to throw up 
* you will finally be good enough 
* your uniform will look much better 
* you won’t be that stupid, fat, ugly klutz - Lose weight.
- Fuck up.
- Try Again.
It’s okay to fuck up sometimes - but It’s not okay to give up. Your progress isn’t lost, just pick up the pieces and try again. You’ve been dreaming about this for too long to just give up after a minor setback. You can have the body you’ve always dreamed of; the one you look at in thinspo. You will have it. You can be your own thinspo. Keep going. You will be skinny! I’m sick
- Im sick of elastic bands giving me muffin top
-I’m sick of having to wear jeggings because jeans are uncomfortable 
- I’m sick of looking bad in tight AND loose clothes
- I’m sick of having days where I feel too fat to wear ANYTHING
- I’m sick of dreading trying on clothes in my favorite store
- I’m sick of having fat rolls when sitting, bending forward, or laying on my side
- I’m sick of having to pull my pants up high on my waist to hide my fat bump
- I’m sick of knowing he’d rather look at skinny girls than me
- I’m sick of being afraid that I’ll finally tip the scale to overweight 
- I’m sick of covering up at the pool/beach
- I’m sick of always giving in to my cravings
- It’s time to make a change because I’m sick of not feeling good in my own skin 5 Questions Before Eating:
1. Am i going to be happy with myself after I eat this? 2. Am I really hungry or do I just enjoy the comfort? 3. Is this food what I planned on eating today? 4. Will this food nourish my body in a healthy way? 5. Do I need a distraction right now to resist this temptation? Reminders
- be patient. Losing that weight won’t come overnight - flavour is temporary but lost weight is permanent - nobody can force food inside your mouth - do it for your future self - don’t get overwhelmed by the goal. Take it one day at a time - more fruits and water, less junk food - chew gum to control cravings - picture your future skinny (even more) beautiful self - go outside a lot. It will keep you motivated to lose weight when you see skinny or fit people - No excuses !!!!!! - remember your reasons - keep going, you can do it ❤️ this is going to be the year of
♡ protruding collarbones
♡ flat stomach
♡ protruding ribs
♡ thigh gap
♡ protruding hipbones 
♡ skinny legs 
♡ prominent cheekbones ❄️🌸 Body Goals 🌸❄️
🌸 Thigh gap, even when my knees are pressed together tightly 
❄️ Hip bones that are far past my belly
🌸 A flat tummy that has a cute belly button 
❄️ Flat abs that always look good
🌸 Teensy tiny wrists 
❄️ Slim calves and ankles that tuck cutely into shoes and boots 
🌸 Arms that never, ever jiggle 
❄️ Legs that thigh highs fit around perfectly SAFE DIET RULES ~
1. always eat when your stomach hurts really bad. growling is totally okay and you may just have appetite, but when it comes to real pain, starving should stop! You probably need the nutrients! 2. drink water and tea, but stay away from unhealthy and sugary drinks. You’ll just feel bad after drinking them. 3. I don’t recommend hardcore- fasting. Never. Even if you binged. 4. Calories in healthy things are never bad calories! 5. Stay fit. Do Yoga daily or go to a gym 3-4 times the week, or go on a run if you have time. 6. Never punish yourself if you binged. You’ll probably feel worse. It’s done and the time can’t be turned back. Just get over it and never lose motivation. 7. See your therapist (if you’re in therapy) regular and talk t. 8. Stay in contact with your Ana Buddies. They go trough the same as you. Give love and you’ll get love back || Always remember that true beauty comes from the inside and even if you don’t think you’re worth to be loved, you are. you know whats better than stuffing your face with shitty food?
Watching the numbers on the scale go down
Watching my skin get clearer and more even in tone
Eating juicy, nourishing fruits and vegetables and feeling satisfied instead of brownies, cakes, and cookies that you’ll only regret, filled with empty calories
Eventually having all the clothes in the store fit, instead of crying because you’re muffin top won’t let you zip up your jeans
Having smaller, perkier breasts instead of saggy unshapely ones
Being able to wear short shorts, skirts, and bikinis without worrying that your ass looks gross because of a ton of cellulite, uneven skin tone, and lumpy fat
Turning heads in admiration, not disgust
Having a hot body when everyone around you is out of shape and obese
Having curves, and not curves of backfat and stomach rolls
Having all stores cater to your size, instead of having to order ‘plus sized’ clothing online, or in specialized stores with huge mark-ups
Being able to go thrift store shopping knowing that they’ll have something that fits instead of settling for the only shapeless item that fits you
Being able to wear tight fitting outfits, like form-fitting dresses and t-shirts without it riding up over your stomach or making you look like a sausage casing about to explode
Being able to wear high heels without having to carry around all that extra weight
Having a body that you worked hard for, fought hard for, and now get to show off instead of cover up
Not have to worry about baggy loose clothes making you fatter because you’ll already be thin
More defined facial features, neck, collarbones, skinnier forearms, more visible cheekbones
Not needing to wear a bra with everything because your boobs are too big and saggy
Not havinng to wear *shapewear~* or t’tummy concealing’ jeans
Spending less money on junk food at the supermarket
Feeling great about yourself and all the hard work you’ve put in Quick Weightloss Masterpost
Basics/Tips -drink at least 2.5l of water a day -put a straw in the glass so you can subconsciously drink it -exercise obviously -if you are new to exercise just start with streching and gradually do more and more -if you dont wanna gain a lot of muscle do only cardio -take vitamins -eat only fruits and veggies if you’re able to -dont drink smoothies, they’ll make you less full then when you’re actually eating + blending takes away some vitamins -if you dont count calories it helps knowing what you put in your body -black coffee -dark chocolate if you are craving something sweet (its actually good for you) -also sugar filled fruit helps the cravings as well -GREEN TEA GREEN TEA GREEN TEA -or any detox tea -white tea helps not to absorb carbs so drink it after a juice cleanse or a water fast -weigh yourself in the morning -don’t weigh yourself too much cause you might become obsessed with it -exercise before you eat that way you wont be losing cals but actual fat -DONT DRINK SODA ITS SO BAD FOR YOU -theres so many unnecessary junk in it -bye carbs, red meat and candy -don’t eat too much salty food -don’t eat the same amount of calories everyday -if you’re able to cut out dairy -if you’ve hit the plateu dairy might be the reason as well -wear tight clothes -drink warm water before and cold water after you eat -find a workout buddy 
If you struggle with binging -chew on something like cellery or gum -you just got junk food and you’re struggling no to eat it? -give it to you siblings -go for a walk, go run, go to friends house -just get out of the house -distract yourself -scroll through your social media -google the bad sides of binging -look at fitspo on my blog -send me a random ask -take care of yourself -brush your teeth, pluck your eyebrows, take a long bath, shave -lay in your bed,play some music and imagine how would your goal body look like -then make a plan how to make it yours -mints make you supress cravings -when you feel a binge coming on, or are already in the middle of one take 2 tsp of raw apple cider vinegar and put it in a shot glass of water and drink it. It literally just stops your cravings 
Motivation -so many cute outfits you’ve always wanted to wear -your eyes literally get bigger as you lose weight -being lifted by a significant other -sitting in someone’s lap and not feeling heavy -everyone being jealous your body -the simplest outfits look good on you -like baggy shirt and leggins -being someone’s goal -your legs look long even if they’re not -CROP TOPS -high wasted jeans and shorts -people whispering about how good you look -cute underwear and pajamas -looking good without putting any effort -beach and pool parties -guys talking about asking you out -getting random compliments from strangers about your figure a note to myself.
You want them to be able to put their hands around you waist when you cant even fit your hand around your wrist.
You want to go days without eating when you can hardly do 24 hours.
You want hipbones and you can barely see your ribs. 
You want a thigh gap but you cant see past your stomach.
You want to be thin and dainty. 
But you have no patience.
Things take time. But youre so impatient that you think after a week that nothing is going to change. So you binge. Then you start up again. And you stop and binge. You have a recurring habit when you dont see results fast enough and you need to stop. Stick to your plan for a day Stick to your plan every day until those days become a week. And then two weeks. Then a month. Then you start getting the results you want.
First, you could fit your thumb and middle finger around your wrist, three months in and now its your thumb and your pinky. With space in between.
First, twenty four whole hours of starving was torture, Three months in and the pains are your drug.
First, you had a stomach you felt embarrassed in. Three months in and all ribs are visible and your hipbones stand out through your jeans.
First, you wore holes in your jeans with the rubbing of your thighs, the dark marks on your skin from the rashes when you wore skirts were a constant reminder of your struggle. Three months in and your legs are elegant, they no longer rub together and you feel free.
Lastly: Three months in, you’re skinny, you did it, you just need patience right now.
I believe in you.
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