#amnesiac disorder | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bitd · 2 years

Text

PERCEPTION [Sight] [Easy: Success] - As you skim the shelves, a familiar title catches your eye.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - Fisticuffs Convention, by Charles Plucky. Often stigmatized as revolutionary literature, it tells the story of a young man whose anti-capitalist and masculine urges lead him to an amnesiac double life, hallucinating an idealized alter ego.

INLAND EMPIRE - A handsome, emotionally regulated, cigarette-smoking parallel of yourself appearing alongside an amnesic episode?

LOGIC [Easy: Fail] - Come to think of it, have you seen anyone else acknowledge Kim directly? I mean, you haven't been paying close attention, but maybe…

YOU - "Kim, I think you're a hallucination of my idealized self, emerged from my subconscious to guide me in my time of need."

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant, already impatient with your leisurely browsing, does not seem to agree with your theory. "Doubtful. Plucky's novel was driven by the protagonist's estrangement from his mundane and meaningless life. By contrast, you seem rather… emotionally invested."

YOU - "Hold on, emotionally invested in what?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Most things, from what I've seen."

-1 MORALE

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Fail] - Don't give up on this yet, you know that there's SOMETHING about the novel that resonated with you.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - If Kim isn't your alter ego projection, that leaves only one option.

LOGIC - You must be his.

VOLITION - Are you guys fucking serious?

- [Rhetoric: Godly 16] Convince Kim you're his alter ego.

- No, that can't be right, my identity is too complex to be anyone else's.

⚅⚅

CHECK SUCCESS

YOU - "Kim, I've figured it all out. Why I can't remember anything before you got here, why we make such a good duo."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh? It had nothing to do with your activities prior, after all?" He sounds sceptical, and he hasn't even heard your genius theory yet!

YOU - "That's the thing, there were no activities prior. I'm not real."

KIM KITSURAGI - He raises an eyebrow at you, imperceptibly.

PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - Bullshit. It's perceptible. I'm perceiving it. It's not all of us who are completely socially incompetent and can't read facial expressions - just you.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Detective," he starts, in a tone even the most socially competent would find unreadable, "Our acquaintances at the Whirling-In-Rags would likely disagree."

YOU - "Look at yourself, Kim. Calm. Reserved. Repressed. You wear glasses. Now look at me. Cool. Wild. Unrestrained. I wear sunglasses. I'm a superstar. Would you agree that I am, more or less, everything you're not?"

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] - He realizes where this is going moments before you get there, defeat etched into his face.

YOU - "Maybe even everything you wish you could be?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Hm."

YOU - "Come on, Kim, it's obvious. It was you who trashed the Whirling-In-Rags, and you're projecting me while you clean up your mess!"

KIM KITSURAGI - Despite everything, he keeps his patience. "That is an... intriguing theory, detective, but there are multiple witnesses who can attest for our separate physical embodiments before and after my arrival. I also haven't lost any time, so it seems unlikely I would be experiencing some sort of latent dissociative disorder."

ESPRIT DU CORPS [Legendary: Success] But that might actually explain some things, now that it occurs to him. A previous inquiry on 'talking thoughts' flashes through his mind.

KIM KITSURAGI - He acquiesces, almost too easily, "I suppose there's no proving it either way. Perhaps tonight after we've finished our work for the day you could do some more research into the matter. I'm sure this store must have some psychological texts you could consult."

📒

TASK GAINED:

READ ABOUT "DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS"

#disco elysium #de #harrier du bois #kim kitsuragi

2K notes · View notes

pix3lplays · 10 months

Text

Masterlist part 2

I can’t believe we reached 100 links on our first Masterlist!

-Honkai Star Rail-

With an idol!reader Pt 2

With an idol!reader Pt 3

Wedding proposals Pt 2

With a cat hybrid!reader

Leaving Luocha for Welt Pt 2

Reader has a serious face but loves pranking others

Babysitting night!

With a fem!general!reader

Luocha’s kid calls Welt ‘Dad’

(Platonic) teen!reader is a complete shut-in

Luocha: first fight

Luocha after telling his kid “your mother is dead because of you”

Luocha’s son snaps at him

Meeting their future child

With a short but stubborn reader

Physically ill reader

Reader loses memories of them

Reader can’t show lots of emotions due to an illness

Reader who can’t show lots of emotions due to an illness put in an emotional situation

(Platonic) with a teen!reader obsessed with plushies

Reader hides their pain

Reader feels sick and headache-y due to meds

Reader is a huge simp for them

Reader is like Harley Quinn

Jing Yuan and wife!reader

Reader has extreme reactions to things

When a child passes away

Comforting Anxious!reader

Nanook with a reader who’s friendly with other Aeons

Jing Yuan hears a soldier talking about his wife

When reader is in trouble

Jing Yuan with a reader suspected of being a spy

Reader is 9 months pregnant, Dan Heng version

Toxic relationship

Jing Yuan, wife!reader, and Yanqing family hcs

Reader can rip away memories

Reader is really shy

Reader leaves the path of Abundance for the path of Destruction, and Nanook notices

Reader is immune to poison and sells poison

Reader is an Emanator of Yaoshi and Nanook is jealous

Wife!reader and Jing Yuan argue about him being too harsh on Yanqing

Wife!reader and Jing Yuan argue about him being too harsh on Yanqing Pt 2

Wife!reader and Jing Yuan argue about him being too harsh on Yanqing Pt 3

Wife!reader and Jing Yuan argue in front of Yanqing

Nanook and reader that’s an Aeon of creation

Reader is from another dimension

Reader passes away protecting them

Reader is cold and distant but extremely lovey with them

Blade argues with wife!reader

Reader tells Dan Heng to shut up after he says not to worry about him

Gepard x florist!reader

Luocha watching his son

Reader is actually super smart

Introverted reader

Reader has orthostatic hypotension

Reader is super rich

Reader scolds Jing Yuan for pushing Yanqing too far

Blade x Herrscher of reason!reader

Jing Yuan x wife!reader that’s more powerful than him

Jing Yuan comforts Yanqing after a nightmare

Reader has chronic pain

(Platonic) reader has nature powers

Nanook x Herrscher reader

Pregnant reader gives birth to triplets

Taking care of triplets

reader who’s like Kaedehara Kazuha

Reader has a clingy cat

Jing Yuan has to kill mara-struck wife!reader

Blade x Vidyadhara!reader

Reader has social anxiety, Blade addition

Welt takes care of wounded reader

(Platonic) with a teen!reader who can’t sleep

They get injured in embarrassing ways

They propose, but reader says no

Earning your father’s blessing

With slightly insecure plus size!reader

Reader is jealous of Jing Yuan’s bird

(SPOILERS) Jing Yuan’s usually kind and patient wife!reader rips into Phantylia

Jing Yuan x amnesiac!reader

Jing Yuan jealousy

(Platonic) Jing Yuan adopting a teen!reader with anger issues

Reader has an eating disorder

(Platonic) Jing Yuan’s older sibling!reader scolds him for being reckless

Reader is serious in unserious moments, and unserious in serious moments

Yandere!Nanook hcs

Reader is like the Cheshire Cat

Reader is Yanqing’s mom

Reader makes paper rings and pretends their married

Reader worries about being late

Singer!reader

Nanook x lord Ravager!reader trying to escape

Blade x yandere!reader

Luocha raising your child on his own

Reader zones out a lot and kisses them

Sampo and Emanator of Aha!reader

Reader is a baker

Platonic!Yanqing tries to set you up with Jing Yuan

Reader has sensory issues

Calming one of Blade’s Mara flare ups with your singing

Reader proposes

-Spiderverse (Hobie Brown and Miguel O’Hara)-

Stay tuned, requests wanted!

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #Spiderverse #Hobie Brown #Miguel O’Hara

249 notes · View notes

picnokinesis · 4 months

Text

plottier / character focused thirteenth doctor fic recs

Ipseity by WalkerLister (43k, 10 chapters, gen) summary: Eight months since the Doctor sacrificed herself on Gallifrey, and Yasmin Khan is still struggling to move on. However, when she comes across a familiar face who is not acting like herself, Yaz may finally get the answers she has been looking for surrounding the Doctor. However, those answers will be revealed in a way a bit more dangerous than she had been anticipating. //Okay, so no one is surprised that I like the amnesiac!divisioned!13 fic, but in my defence, it's absolutely fabulous. This one was written waaaaay back in mid-2020, so we all knew that 13 was in prison and everyone was pretty sure that Jack was coming back due to some bts detective work, but that was about it - so, for obvious reasons, it doesn't align with ROTD, but it's such a fun one, guys, I love it a lot. Also, y'know, thirteen in a leather jacket and snarling at people? What more could you want?

don't have to make it to the moon by Ymae (28k, 7 chapters, gen/thoschei) summary: After New Year's, Ryan decides to stay traveling in the TARDIS for another little while. Only, the Doctor's rarely alright, and between experiencing the wonders of the universe, Ryan wants to figure out what's happening to his friend, too. //I love Ryan so much. He's such a wonderful character and I always love it when fics focus on him, or have him as the pov character. Unfortunately, fics like that are a bit few and far between, but this is one of them, and it's absolutely fantastic. It really delves into his character, but also his dynamic with the Doctor (especially after he talks to her in ROTD and she admits that she's scared and angry), and it's just auuuuuuugh so good!! And, it's also go some great whump and psychic content, with the Master showing up to cause trouble, alongside some gorgeous world-building, so I enjoy it very very much.

Ghost War by riptheh (25k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: All the Doctor wants to do is pass the time, and help a friendly face. So when a young man with a strange tattoo and a psychic wound shows up, she dives right into the mystery - and finds herself flung far into the future, mindwiped and alone, fighting a war that by all rights, shouldn't exist at all. A war she could help end, if only she could figure out who she is. //Oof, this one. It's absolutely stunning. This author really has a way of taking some absolutely fascinating and mind-bending concepts and just running with it, and just nails it each time. I feel like the less I say about the plot of this one, the better, because it sort of unfolds as you go, but please just trust me when I say that it's absolutely fantastic.

Lifelines by Sue_Denham (40k, 11 chapters, gen, wip) summary: Lifeline: a thing on which someone or something depends, or which provides a means of escape from a difficult situation. Set just after the events of Spyfall, the Doctor has a few things to work through. //Okay this fic is one of my favourites that's been posting over the last year or so - it's a brilliant exploration of Graham and Thirteen, and how different races deal with loss, guilt and death. I honestly think the best kind of sci fi takes concepts that we sort of take for granted, and then shows them in a completely new light. That's what this fic does. Also, Graham is just wonderful for the entire thing - though, as a note, Yaz and Ryan do end up somewhat side-lined, so bear that in mind if you're particularly looking for fics about those two, but I forgive it because it's such a great look at Graham and the Doctor. It feels like a character focused tie-in novel, y'know? Also it's pretty angsty in places, naturally, but that's what I'm here for haha.

Disordered by Echo (44k, 7 chapters, jack/13) summary: Messing with memories is always a risky business. Messing with your own memories, now that's just asking for trouble. The Doctor is very good at asking for trouble. And Jack is very good at finding it. //Ohhhhh okay so. This has been one of my absolute favourite Doctor Who fics for a long while. Definitely the shippiest of this list, but it's so lovely and such an excellent look at the Doctor facing the consequences of trying to get back her Division memories in the aftermath of s12, as well as the relationship between the Doctor and Jack across multiple regenerations. It's just so so good, flowing smoothly from very angsty to very soft, and the Doctor and Jack's voices are just spot on (especially considering that we see different versions of the Doctor, this is a particularly impressive note). Highly recommend!

The Trial of the Doctor by wreckageofstars (20k, 5 chapters, gen/thasmin, wip) summary: Haven is a planet at the edge of time, on the brink of destruction. Ravaged by the Time Lords and a war that time forgot, its people are desperate for justice before it’s too late, and the Doctor might be the only being left in the universe who can provide it — because she was the one who started it. So why can't she remember doing it? //Okay okay so, this one has only recently started posting but I've known about it since about 2020 and ohhhhhhhhhhh my goodness, GUYS. If you're not following this one, you need to be. It's a mix between Doctor Who at it's finest, Kafka at it's most unsettling, and Douglas Adams at it's most absurd, and it's delightful. There's so much in this one, and as always this author is just spot on with all the characterisation - especially Thirteen, who suddenly finds herself being prosecuted for a crime that she can't remember, and is forced into a situation where she's physically incapable of telling a lie. It. Is. Marvellous. Also there's a cockroach lawyer, whom I adore HAHA

lighthouse keeper by BlueLillyBlue (57k, 12 chapters, gen) summary: The Doctor is missing, and the fam is concerned. Featuring Yaz being a badass, Ryan being a cutie, Graham being a granddad, Jack being Jack, and the Doctor's complicated moral code. Also: space prisons, galactic war, the Doctor's time war trauma, the Doctor caring about people in her own weird and repressive way, and, most importantly, Thirteen wearing Jack's coat. //Oh, this one is such a favourite of mine. It's very angsty, so if that's not your schtick then - well, then you're kinda scuppered for all of my recs, to be honest, but this one is a bit on the dark side. Oh, but it's fantastic. Again, this one feels like a tie-in novel, and this author (as I think I've said before) is just incredible at crafting these very vivid worlds and really hard-hitting stories. The situation is pretty dire and desperate, and the Doctor is often faced with the fact that not every plan works out, and sometimes the only choices are bad ones. It's just really excellent guys (also! Thirteen in Jack's coat!!)

angel ellipsis by SleepyMaddy (36k, 8 chapters, gen/thoschei) summary: When the Doctor and Yaz find a planet in ruins, they’re only half surprised to discover the Master is responsible. But when his plan backfires, suddenly they have no choice but to work with him to stop his former allies from tearing the universe apart. It goes about as well as one might expect. //OKAY SO. This one is SO much fun and SO great - in particular, if you like the Master being a tricky bastard, but also getting screwed over by his own plans? You'll love this one. Everything about it is so vibrant and brilliant, and aaaaaahh man it all comes together in such a satisfying way. As with many of the authors on this list, this author just really gets these characters and how they tick, with some absolutely beautiful prose, and it's just such a joy to read.

nothing in the dark that isn't there in the light by river_of_words (6k, 1 chapter, thasmin) summary: Two weeks since Yaz got the most confusing rejection she ever hopes to get and the Doctor seems to have decided to blame Yaz for every single one of her furiously conflicting emotions. At this point she’s sort of asking to get hit. And at this point Yaz is sort of curious to find out what the Doctor is going to say that’s going to make her meet that request. //These next two fics are a lot shorter compared to the others, but I really wanted to include both of them because they're great and SO interesting to me. With this one, it digs into the Doctor and Yaz's relationship in the aftermath of LOTSD, and the ways that the Doctor does not actually talk about anything but does also tell Yaz more than anyone else. It's about the frustration that builds between them and the way that they're still finding more comfort in each other than anyone else. It's also a little feral, which as a thoschei shipper, definitely had a lot to do with why I liked this one haha. Anyway, it's really fantastic - really quick paced and emotional, and packing a LOT of punches with mostly dialogue in a very effective way. Go read it!

we'll do it right by daring_elm (3k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: She's never really noticed Yaz's perfume before. Shoulders relaxing, nausea subsiding, the Doctor inhales again, filling her lungs with jasmine and sandalwood, steel and glowing crystals and her box out of time. She can be back with Yaz within minutes of her leaving. She can save the child, change the foundation of Gallifrey and still return to have a picnic on Soria T4. //Okay so I loooove love love this one because I just adore it any time someone explores the Doctor's reaction to the Timeless Child stuff after the fact, and this one is just so wonderful. The characterisation is just fantastic, and then just the progressive spiral of the plot as we follow the Doctor on a mission that is doomed to fail by the nature of her own timeline. It's about how by trying to change the past, all you do is mess up your present and your future, and I love that a lot. Augh, it's a gut punch and a half - highly recommended!

97 notes · View notes

naris-alter-shop · 26 days

Text

ID Hoarder Syskid Alter Pack

requested by anon

🌈 𓂃 Names : Vinnie / Vinny , Axel , Vixen , Alfie , Blinkie , Codi / Codie / Cody , Jami , Jester , Kandi , Sunny , Custard

🍭 𓂃 Prns : they / them . it / its . par / party . fun / funself . col / collector . sil / silly . hy / hyper . kan / kandi . cray / crayons . splat / splatseld . neo / neon

🍡 𓂃 Titles : prn who is forever young , prn who is childish , prn / the kid who hoards / collects , the little one , prn who is energetic

🎉 𓂃 Genders : pupkidcoric , toyfoodgender , kidcrayonix , partykenous , passtickkidcoric , beachtoyic , kidbraclic , puffystickercoric , kiddiecelestic , spookykidcoric

—🪅—

🌈 𓂃 CisIDs : autistic , amnesiac , apd (auditory processing disorder ) , malidaptive daydreamer

🍭 𓂃 TransIDs : permakid , ageflux (4-8) , panspecies , tbi , adhd , npd , wheelchair user , freckled , streamer , idol , permahyper ,

🍡 𓂃 Likes : colorful things , " bouncy " music , coloring books / pages , clowns , collecting things , cartoony art / art styles , ballpits , velcro shoes

🎉 𓂃 Dislikes : bedtime , ends of parties , sugar crashes , dinner without desert , scary things , darkness , lace shoes , sad stuff

—🪅—

🌈 𓂃 Roles : syskid , mood booster , antidepressant , battery , beauheur , fandom keeper

🍭 𓂃 Traits : hyper , joyous , energetic , bright , childish , whimsical

#🌿 𓂃 alter pack !#alter packs #id pack #id packs #radqueers please interact #radqueer safe #radqueer community #radqueer #rq please interact #rq community #rqc🌈🍓#rq 🌈🍓#rq safe #pro rq 🌈🍓#transplural #transx please interact #transid please interact

30 notes · View notes

elina-sakura · 9 months

Text

💜🔎Yuma Kokohead Headcanons🔍💜

His casual aesthetic outside of his detective uniform are softboy and goth (mainly pastel goth)

His favorite colors are indigo and lavender, but he likes any colors that are night palette

He loves to play retro games (since they’re the only ones he can afford with his own budget)

He enjoys detective novels alongside any mysteries and thrillers

He likes to research on the supernaturals and mythology since he learned about Shinigami and the Book of Death

His sexuality is pan arospec Orchidsexual (is fine to be in a queerplatonic relationship)

He has an interest in chalk art and watercolor, and draws as like a coping mechanism from all the anxieties and trauma he went through

His age range is young adult and would be 19-21 (age will change depending on the fics I make)

He is confirmed to be a Gemini

He is the most vulnerable of the group when it comes to the rain, ranging from sluggish to a full-on fever if he does not take the right equipment or slow down once in a while

He has a number of journals he uses for doodling, investigation, poetry writing, and venting (that last part had to be suggested by the NDA)

He has an anxiety disorder

He likes to wear fuzzy socks when asleep or when he’s off-duty

He’s not good at cooking, but he is good at baking (or at least making the food look appealing)

He may be good at making sweets though

Now for Game Spoilers, but only check it out until you played the entire game!!

You cannot tell me Yuma doesn’t have “gifted kid syndrome!” The fact he became the leader of the WDO, a highly privileged detective organization, so young with so much regulations on him must have really did a number on him even if he handled it well

His first name really is Yuma, but he had to forgo it when he became “Number One.” Now he goes by Yuma Kagutsuchi after Makoto Kagutsuchi

Because yes, I like to believe Yuma sees Makoto as his ‘brother,’ or at least family since they come from the same DNA, so he takes after his surname so people (and especially Makoto) would know they are family

After the Restricted Area traverse, Yuma now hates any zombie media out there (especially zombie films), it just triggers him too much

He likes to affectionately call Makoto “Mako,” which means sincerity in Japanese, so their first name is of the same length

Before Yuma got his memories back, he actually has acted unconsciously similar to his former self, like being poetically jaded or having a bit of “gifted kid syndrome”

He has managed to have his anxiety under control as Number One, but in his amnesiac state and when he gets his memories back, it begins to surface more

He likes to do poetic inner monologue during cases in order to calm his anxiety; it even remained when he had amnesia

He has a key charm necklace that matches Shinigami’s aesthetic to hold onto some form of remembrance of her, even if he doesn’t remember her

He is canonically a cat lover

Yuma actually believed he was aromantic for the longest time, but once he starts developing relationships with others he decides to consider himself arospec

He has various scars from his time as a survivor of a war, a WDO detective, and being Number One (some on the back and the front torso) and a gun wound from one of his shoulders

He (and Makoto to an extent) are bad at cooking because they were never taught how and never bothered to learn for themselves since they are always on the move and working

#master detective archives: rain code #master detective archives spoilers #yuma kokohead #headcanon #master detective archives chapter 5 spoilers #these were Headcanons I came up with while brainstorming for my fics #will update/edit if I come up with anymore new Headcanons #tw: anxiety

79 notes · View notes

sir-yeehaw-paws · 5 months

Text

Venom Snake and Paz: Loss, Guilt and Identity

A while back, I promised I’d upload the complete Paz storyline with the cassettes included, and while I was originally going to attach this to that, the little essay below got too long.

This is a companion piece.

Thus, I’m posting the essay now as a separate entity and I will attach a link to it when I post up the video, as well. This ‘meta’ is a bit messy, as it’s meant to go in conjunction with the video.

Paz has an odd place in Phantom Pain because she doesn’t exist, except for deep within Venom’s head.

Diamond Dog Soldier: “Boss keeps disappearing to that wing under construction a lot lately.”

Her storyline is singular to him, and him alone, and it comes with more than one theory attached.

As we know, in this story, Venom encounters ‘Wandering Motherbase Soldiers’ who each carry photographs from the MSF. After he finds the first soldier and comes back, he wanders into an empty room on the Medical Platform only to be greeted with an ‘amnesiac’ Paz-who still thinks it’s 1974 and she’s little more than the Highschool girl she was pretending to be, and that Peace Day is just days away.

It's always sunny in this room, by the by, regardless of what time of day it is.

In this, he also has ‘Kaz’ and ‘Ocelot’ explaining the situation to him. ‘Kaz’ explains that she was rescued, and ‘Ocelot’ explains the amnesia and tells Venom that the ‘medics’ believe she is suffering from a type of ‘dissociative disorder’ and ‘dissociative identity disorder’.

Of course, the truth is that none of this is real. Paz is still very much deceased, and neither Kaz, nor Ocelot are actually there. Venom’s brain hallucinates this entire scenario, both as a deep manifestation of the Medic’s underlying guilt for not saving her, and the one having identity problems himself-not Paz.

I’ve seen the theory about her being there because of the Medic’s guilt and the identity theory in unison. I think that both are true, but the identity one holds just a touch more weight in my mind.

I say this, because the story line only concludes after the Truth Mission, when Venom is given the truth about who he is, and the glass castle hallucination of Paz crumbles. Leaving him not just with the truth that she died after all, but that she ‘needs to let him go’.

And with her, he has to let himself go as well. A choice that was taken from him when Zero decided the sacrificial tableau he left for Big Boss was a perfect opening to make him a body double.

Paz is dead, and so is the Medic.

I’m admittedly a little bit unsure about the guilt factor being his real driving force. I can see him feeling guilty about it. Because we know from the way Big Boss talks, “He was always the best man we had”, that this was a man with skills. Skills good enough to be on the Ground Zeroes top secret black mission to begin with, and skilled enough to perform a rapid-fire surgery with a very literal ticking bomb on board in a chopper. But I feel that the Medic also would’ve lost patients before. He’s not just a Medic, but a combat medic for a PMC. His skills, and the environment he’s in isn’t quite the same as a hospital.

What I do find telling is how the Medic interprets Paz in his sub-conscious. He does not for lack of a better word, ‘manifest’ her as a spy, or even a grown woman. Instead, his mind has conjured up the idealistic imagery of a nearly saccharine peace-loving schoolgirl. An almost extreme version of the personification she gave herself on her mission to infiltrate and spy on the MSF.

Paz has a tone of pure innocence and wonder when she speaks to Venom in these hallucinations. Only ever interrupted with more of her ‘true’ character when timelines conflict, or information as the story progresses puts a dent in the façade.

An example of this is when her wound reopens, with ‘Ocelot’ explaining to Venom that, “Well-Miller did go and tell her that Skullface was dead. If anyone should want revenge on him it’d be her, but..”

One notices that Kaz and Ocelot present strange in these hallucinations as well. They always seem just slightly out of character. Granted, that’s a tricky thing to say because ‘character’ is so subjective to a person’s interpretation, but they just feel distinctly well, ‘off’.

All of this culminates in the heartbreaking conclusion. As it all fades away, Venom watches Paz ‘die’ for the second time, and the room and everything in it fades away. I haven’t touched much on identity, just yet, but of course this only happens once Venom has come to learn the truth.

A reason I say this is because the soldiers around after the Truth Mission begin saying things like, “Boss, whoever you are, I’ll follow you no matter what.” And things of that nature. Venom-or the Medic, I’ll say for the moment, is a man who had his entire identity and sense of person-hood stripped from him by Zero and Ocelot. Once he was in that chopper and threw himself in front of Big Boss, he died. Maybe not in the most physical sense, but in the literal sense of death that we can muster up. Who he was, what he did, the choices he made, all of them gone. As he was erased and given a new face, new identity, and new memories.

All of which belonged to another person.

Paz, or Paz Ortega Andrade, wasn’t a ‘real’ person. She was a character created by Zero to fulfill a single purpose. Like say, Eva before her-we don’t know who she really was. There were other ‘Paz’s’ that failed Zero’s test, and there would’ve been others after her, should the Paz we knew fail as well.

Like the Medic, Paz wasn’t given much of a choice. She was given a job. And with that job she invented a backstory, a personality-everything she needed to slip into the MSF and achieve her goal. The only ‘Paz’ Venom/Medic and others around her knew was the spy.

Again, not unlike Eva in MGS3.

Now, there’s a whole other meta about how identity is such a warped, messy concept in the entire series a whole, but I’m going to focus mainly on Paz and Venom in here for the sake of it all. Even though there’s an argument to be made about how both of them are just fellow victims of the identity crisis many face within the series. Metal Gear has a huge commentary about identity that is present throughout the series I’d love to delve into properly sometime. The TL’DR here is that the only Paz is the one she showed them.

In that same vein, we know very little about who Venom was before he was given the Big Boss makeover. We know only what we’re told by Big Boss himself, and Ocelot and Zero’s assumptions of the man.

Big Boss: “He was always the best man we had..but.”

Ocelot (to Big Boss): “9 years ago he threw himself in front of that chopper. That day, the man you knew died.”

How this comes to mean, ‘therefore Zero decided a man willing to sacrifice himself for you would be fine being you’ I don’t know. I don’t think Zero cared much beyond, ‘I have a convenient extra body here to make use of while Big Boss is comatose.’ Either way, this is all we know about him. We know he’s in photographs with Big Boss, Morpho and Kaz. We know that he was trusted enough to be on the Ground Zeroes mission, and we know that he was a damned good medic and soldier.

And that he was born in California, USA, in 1932. That’s it. That is all we get. (And real quick, I understand that the player inputs Venom’s details themselves too-because he’s also meant to serve the role of player insert, I’m speaking strictly of the character outside of this. But for the hell of it, I’ve always called my Venom ‘Charlie’.)

Does jumping in front of the chopper for Big Boss give us a clue?

Maybe. If anything, one can imagine that Venom was under the same hypnotic spell the rest of the MSF (and later Diamond Dogs) were in that Big Boss becomes the entire world of his soldiers. They live and die for him. Much like the soldiers who go willingly when Venom has to shoot them in the head (not that every soldier does this, but it’s an interesting parallel isn’t it?)

And a bit cultist but again..another meta, that.

We can infer that Venom cared about his Boss, and his role in all this. And we can imagine that maybe if Zero asked him up front, “Would you like to be Big Boss” maybe he’d have said yes. But Venom is never given the chance to consent. It’s all placed beyond his control. When he’s put in his medically induced coma in 1975, everything that follows after is fully out of his hands.

I've said it before, but it's so eerie how Venom (Medic at this point) is sort of being ignored by everyone until Kaz brings light to him being there at all.

There's a good chance this is the last memory Medic has that's his own. Terrifying. When he is hallucinating Paz, and Ocelot is telling him that she’s suffering from identity disorder, is that not Venom’s brain trying desperately to tell him that’s what’s going on with himself? (I am not the first person to suggest this, it’s summed up a little on TVTropes but it’s a pretty good argument, or at the very least, suggestion, in my opinion). As the moments between them progress, and Venom recovers little ‘parts’ of her, is he not also recovering some parts of himself, or desperately trying to?

He's in a way, telling this to himself, through Paz.

And after all-she is permanently embedded within him, thanks to the fragments of bone and teeth.

Which is both a bi-product of the explosion, and a symbolism so un-subtle I think Kojima might as well have said ‘SHE IS ALWAYS PART OF VENOM’ in as many words.

Which, to be fair, is exactly what Paz does say in her final ‘tape’ to him.

There’s a deep undercurrent of sadness to it all. Venom has to realize (and I imagine he does) that there is no more going to back to ‘Medic’ than there is Paz coming back to life. It’s estimated that Venom accepts his place, whether willingly or not, and that perhaps, in its own way, this is a private type of mourning for him.

Not just for Paz. But for himself, too. And what tiny fragments of his former self might lie beneath. He couldn’t save her, he couldn’t save himself, and he has no choice but to be okay with that. And move on.

Let it go, they’re dead. Buried.

Whatever his personality may be come his final death in Outer Heaven in 1995, there’s an 11 year difference between the moment of him on the platform, alone and grieving, and the moment of him staring himself down in the mirror before he marches to his death.

Sacrificing himself, yet again, for the Boss he was unwittingly made into.

*As a quick note, I’m not stating that as a pure victim piece. Venom isn’t innocent and there is plenty of blood on his hands. The statement I make here is very much a sort of ‘in the moment’ one. Like so many others in the series there’s the cyclical tragedy that underpins it all, and the issue of Venom’s person hood and consent being stripped away is, in this particular statement, separate to the crimes he commits and the things he does.

#character posts: venom snake #character posts: paz ortega andrade #mgs #mgsv #thoughts posts #nates headcanons #venom snake #paz ortega andrade

28 notes · View notes

eclipse15 · 10 months

Note

Could you make a list of known types of programs? It is hard to find one in a place that isn't also littered with many triggers and things that need to be avoided.

TW: PROGRAMMING (MC) LIST

Here is a link to the Greek letter programs, which I will not include in this list for my fingers’ sake. I can’t make a list of every program that’s known to man, as that would be way too long and hard.

Do not share this post (including rbs) without a proper warning. This is not meant to give specific examples of the programs, nor explain how they’re installed. If you’re looking for that, go somewhere else. This is not a conspiracy post, it’s an abuse survivor post.

That being said, here’s a list of common programs and programs that we have.

Access: when one has a trigger (or more than one) that gives programmer(s) access to the system through a part

Amnesiac: when one forgets previously known memories in a moment where the memories were about to be shared. Does not apply to general dissociative amnesia

Don’t tell: when unpleasant experiences, such as dizziness or aches and pains, are triggered when a victim speaks out about abuse

Duality: when one has programmed internal conflict between parts, causing distraction and distress

Emotionless: where one is instilled with the idea that they are emotionless and can’t, or shouldn’t, feel. No official name, but it’s a common one (usually tied in with epsilon)

Gender role: where one is assigned a gender role and programmed to revolve their identity around the role. Things like the subservient wife. Is also called prince/princess

Hierarchy: where one is either internally or externally placed in an artificial hierarchy that decides who is deserving of things such as food, space, respect, etc. Can go both ways-one can be high ranked or low ranked, or in between. No official name

Mental: an umbrella for programmed symptoms of mental illness (specified or not) which covers up root causes and prevents victim from receiving needed help. Again, they are symptoms not actual disorders. You can only program trauma disorders. No official name

Military: where one is taught to behave like they are in a military-following orders blindly, rigorous training, etc. Usually tied into sigma programming (see link above)

Organization: an umbrella program where parts are organized into things such as flowers, cards, numbers, etc. usually tied into epsilon or theta programs (see link)

Scramble: when a trigger scrambles ones mind into being completely incoherent, to others and the victim

Silence: when one cannot speak their traumas, despite having the full remembrance and understanding of trauma to do so

Shutdown: where one completely shuts down when triggered. Can appear to be extreme dissociation, but the two are differentiated by the lucidity of the victim

I will never be explaining how these programs are typically installed, nor will I be promoting the ideas that:

Programs can be healed through things other than psychotherapy (rituals, healing retreats, etc.)

Programs can cause things such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and other non-trauma disorders

All you need to know is that these are what the programs mean and that you aren’t the only one with the program. And even if you are, fuck it, you still have it. Let us know if we missed an important one, that’s all.

#🌼#tw tbmc #tbmc #tw ramcoa #ramcoa #did alter #did osdd #osddid #hc did #polyfragmented #polyfrag #polyfrag system #actually mentally ill #endos dni

121 notes · View notes

pigeon-system-boys · 10 days

Text

Hiiiii

So I thought about it for a while and I think I will post it here

We've been writing conspects about programming and different programs and we believe it can help someone

TRIGGER FUCKING WARNING!!!

PROGRAMS WITH DESCRIPTIONS BELOW

BE FUCKING CAREFUL