#also all the encouragement i needed to ramble away like one of them long af ftworth trains
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Touchdown
*gif not mine, credit goes to the owner*
I just want to take a moment to say thank you for the love on my last fic! It made my lil ole heart swell to see that peopled enjoyed it enough to leave a like or reblog.
This is just something special I had in my arsenal that I wrote for a friend a few months ago. I touched it up a bit and added a few things here and there. It all started when we were talking about how much we loved when Chris' accent got heavier after he'd been drinking, and well, I couldn't help myself lol. I hope you enjoy the fluff! xoxo
I apologize for any grammatical errors, I tried to proof-read but am also a little exhausted lol.
Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader
Word Count: 2844
Warnings: I don't think there's anyway? Mentions of being drunk/drinking alcohol, cursing, and illusions to sexy times, but that's about it.
You hadn’t noticed how furiously your knee was bouncing up and down until the person sitting next to you on the subway got up to move seats once the train squealed to a stop. You sighed and ran your hands down the front of your thighs. Normally being a little late didn’t bother you as much, but tonight you were meeting him.
You flipped your wrist over to check your watch. 8:30pm. In all honesty, it had probably been only thirty seconds later than when you checked it the last time. Another deep sigh escaped from your lips as you started to become hyper aware of the train remaining still at the current stop. What could possibly be taking so long? You knew he wouldn’t care if you were running late, but the time the two of you had together already felt so minuscule. You wanted to capitalize on every second you could.
The train began moving again and you slumped back into your seat, feeling only a small amount of relief. It was becoming painfully apparent that you needed to try and relax. You could feel the sweat building up on your body, the sting on your palms from where your fingernails were pressing in with a vengeance moments ago, and you could hear your heart thumping in your ears. Your hand dug around in your purse for a few moments before finding the small case you were looking for. Opening it, you slipped your headphones into your ears and let your head rest on the window behind you as music intertwined with your thoughts.
Once upon a time, you made fun of people who decided to go to grad school. What kind of a clown would spend thousands of MORE dollars and go BACK to school?? Not to mention the stress of the assignments, the due dates - it was not for you...or so you thought.
Now here you are, a regular booboo the fool.
NYU’s graduate program for design and merchandising wasn’t necessarily part of your 5-year plan, but when the opportunity landed in front of you it was difficult to pass up. NYU was a school you had only dreamt of attending back in high school. When you were a senior in high school you were able to tour the campus and fell in love immediately. Hours upon hours were spent researching grants, scholarships, and all sorts of ways to try to make it happen. However, the dream ended as most teenage dreams do - crushed. There was no way you or your parents could afford the loans that it would surely wrack up to attend the out of state university, and there was no way you could ask your parents take on that kind of debt just so you could go to college. UMass was the way to go - close to home and familiar. Not to mention you were able to obtain several scholarships and grants that helped bring down the cost tremendously. Little did you know, boring ole UMass would bring you one of the most important things in your life.
Applying for graduate school wasn’t an easy decision and one you couldn’t really take all the credit for. A smile crept across your face as you reminisced on the night you nervously brought up the idea to your long-term boyfriend.
“I think you should do it,”
“I know, right?” you scoffed, “it’s insane, why would I do something so stup...wait, what? You do?”
“Of course I do. This is something you love and that you’re passionate about. Do you know how many hours of my life were spent listening to you ramble about NYU?” he questioned with a grin.
“It will open up so many doors for you. We can make things work,” a chuckle escaped from those beautiful lips as he saw your dumbfounded expression. He wrapped his fingers around your waist and pulled you close, “What? Did you expect me to forbid it? Cmon, baby, what kind of guy do you take me for?”
You didn’t have a lot of wins in your life, but you did have Chris.
When you got accepted, he took off a week from work to drive you 3 and a half hours south to help get you settled and moved into your temporary new home. The two of you ate a disgusting amount of pizza, moved a ridiculous amount of heavy furniture in the middle of a summer heat wave, and enjoyed each other’s company before the long-distance thing would set in. Chris spent that week encouraging you every step of the way, talking you off the ledge when you were convinced you had made the wrong decision, and made sure to help you christen every possible surface of your new place in the most deliciously sinful way.
You bit your lip slightly at the thought and a warm feeling spread across your face. Chris was one of the most incredible people you had met in this world. Kind, caring, funny, intelligent, passionate, and god was he sexy. The connection the two of you had was scary at first, but now you just couldn’t imagine spending your life with anyone else.
The robotic voice came over the loud-speaker in the subway car and you were rudely ripped back to reality as it pulled into your stop. You hurriedly scooped up your bag and jogged off the train.
It had been a promise between the two of you when you moved that there would be equal effort when it came to visiting and keeping in contact while having good, open communication. Long distance was hard but the two of you were determined to make it work. FaceTime calls, hours upon hours of texting, and even as far as writing the occasional letter back and forth (because your boyfriend was a hopeless romantic and you loved it so much). This weekend was your turn to come home to visit, and of course your last class had to go longer than anticipated. Fuckin’ Tiffany and her stupid ass questions.
The muscles of your calves burned as you kept up your hurried pace, weaving through the crowds of people gathered on sidewalks outside of various clubs and restaurants. It was a weekend night and the Patriots were playing, which meant the city was more alive than usual. New York was it's own beast, but it was a different type of hustle and bustle. Nights like these made your heart ache for home - the thick Massachusetts accents, the rowdy voices of bar patrons arguing about the game, the hugs shared between family members as they parted after dinner, and the faint smell of nicotine and alcohol that hung in the air.
As the neon sign that hung in the pub window came in to view you felt your heart dip down into your stomach. Last weekend’s visit had to be cancelled due to some stuff coming up with Chris’ work and a surprise assignment for you, so you hadn’t seen your boyfriend in 2 weeks. With a deep breath you swung open the door and scanned the crowd for him. He told you that he would be there promptly at 7:15pm for pregame shenanigans with his friends - which actually translated to how many pitchers of beer could they suck down before kick off.
“Aw, come ON! That is such a bullshit call!”
You heard him before you saw him. Of course. A grin spread across your lips as you shook your head. The thought of leaving to avoid secondhand embarrassment crossed your mind briefly before you picked up your feet and made your way through the crowd toward the sound. A room full of people from New England and you would still recognize that voice anywhere.
Everyone else seemed to fade away as you saw the outline of the tall, dark haired man standing at the bar. The slight freckles that spattered the back of his neck, the Brady jersey that he spent WAY too much money customizing, and the signature backward ball cap were ingrained in your subconscious memory. Not to mention if you didn’t recognize his outline or his voice, you would definitely recognize that ass anywhere.
You loved how passionate he got about sports and the way his Boston accent seemed to get thicker with each beer he consumed. Growing up in the area, you wouldn't think the accent would send a tingle down your spine the way it does, but it was different - it was Chris. Not to mention the sparkle in his eye when he would watch his favorite team or the way he would get in to arguments whenever someone tried to say something negative about them. You loved your big, handsome, over-sized toddler man so damn much.
A light tap on his shoulder made him whip around, his slightly opened mouth from his interrupted conversation curved upwards into a wicked grin as he made the connection of who was finally standing in front of him.
“Hey there, handsome. I don’t see a ring on your finger. You single?” You grinned, feeling your entire body fill with warmth as Chris leaned back and grabbed his chest as he erupted in laughter.
“Nah, nah, nah, unfortunately for you I am taken” he responded as he snaked his arms around your waist, sliding his hands into your back pockets as he pulled you into his figure.
“That is too bad,” you tsk'd, running a finger down his toned bicep, “she’s one lucky girl.”
“I think I’m the lucky one,” he grinned. He leaned down to meet your lips in a kiss. You sighed into it, allowing your body to mold itself so perfectly into his. The taste of beer on his lips and the smell of his cologne was intoxicating - it was home. You immediately allowed him entrance as you felt his tongue glide along your bottom lip. Your body felt small in his strong grip and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit as he gave your ass a firm squeeze. Normally, this type of bold, public display of affection would make you cringe away but at this point you were lost in Chris that you had absolutely no shame. Each time the two of you embraced had always felt like the first. Your heart still fluttered and your knees still got weak, like you were a 16 year old being kissed for the first time.
In the middle of your reunion moment, however, something happened in the game that made the entire bar erupt in boo’s and curses. Chris lifted his lips from yours to look over his shoulder and inspect what he had missed. You laughed and shook your head as you pushed him back towards his friends and took a seat in the bar stool he had been standing behind initially. His large hands found a natural place on your shoulders. While his eyes remained glued on the TV he began applying a moderate amount of pressure to your neck and shoulders. You didn’t realize how much your body craved that touch, his touch, until you immediately melted back into him.
The bartender slid a beer in front of you with a wink and you mouthed your thanks. You felt a twinge in your heart as you looked around, taking in the atmosphere of the bar. This was a typical weekend night for the two of you whenever you were living together. Football, drinks, pub food, and friends. If it wasn’t this pub it was your living room, just a couple blocks away. You didn’t even mind that it was your first night back and you weren’t alone, spending it immediately wrapped up in your satin sheets. The atmosphere, the people - it was so warm and familiar that you really wouldn’t rather be doing anything else. Plus, being wrapped up together in the sheets was sure to follow.
“I missed you,” hummed a pair of lips as they placed a kiss on the shell of your ear. A shiver shot down your spine at the sensation of his warm breath fanning over your neck. You reached up a hand and connected it to the nape of his neck.
“I missed you too,” you replied, turning your head to plant a kiss on his stubbled cheek.
His arms changed position as he wrapped them in front of your shoulders and crossed them, resting his chin on the top of your head. Your hand absentmindedly rubbed his forearms as you nursed your beer and placed your focus onto the game for the first time tonight.
The laughter seemed to escape from your chest naturally and effortlessly the entire night, as it always had a habit of doing when Chris was around. The camaraderie between him and his buddies during a game was something you’d grown to enjoy over the years. Chris’ competitive nature and the way his jaw clenched when something wasn’t going the way he wanted was always kinda...hot. All of his friends were huge assholes, but in the best way. It was always entertaining to hear them jab at each other and do what they could to rile someone up. They were the life of every party you had ever attended and they had a way of making a boring night a lot more interesting.
Thankfully (for the integrity of the bar) the Pats won the game with a surprise touchdown in the last 30 seconds of the game. Chris, being the guy he is, bought a final round for his friends and a nearby group they had been going back and forth with all night. You couldn’t help but laugh as he drunkenly leaned across the counter and slurred his order to the bartender.
“I need a round for m’friends and for these assholes over here who thought Tom Brady was anything but a winner!” the group started yelling in protest and he simply waved them off and started sliding beers down the bar.
The group eventually moved to a bigger round top so everyone could shoot the shit and banter about the outcome of the game. You were tucked into Chris’ side, hands intertwined as he was passionately discussing the importance of Brady’s legacy with a stranger who made the mistake of stopping to talk to him. Your eyes followed the motion of your thumb as it traced small circles onto the back of his. Your other hand under your chin, holding up the weight of your head as your exhaustion started to catch up with you. Chris, although slightly drunk, picked up on your body language and raised your hand to his lips for a kiss.
“Alright, fellas,” he said as he stood up from his seat, pulling you up with him, “the lady and I are gonna call it a night. See you boys next weekend”.
“Chris, we don’t have to go,” you began to protest as he tucked his jacket around your shoulders.
“Mm, ‘course we do,” he replied with a soft smile, “you’re so tired, baby. I can see it in those beautiful eyes”.
You could feel your cheeks turn a light shade of pink as you rolled your eyes at his attempt at laying it on thick. After what felt like a proper 10 minute goodbye session, the group said their final goodbyes, hugs included, and you walked out of the pub hand in hand.
The walk home was filled with the sounds of cars passing by and conversation of what each other had missed in the week prior. Small talk typically felt like such a chore, but with Chris every conversation came naturally. Even when he had absolutely no idea what you were talking about, he would listen intently and ask all the questions as if it was the most interesting conversation in the world.
The lock on the apartment door clicked as you pushed it open and entered. You smiled as you stopped into the middle of the living room, taking in the home you missed so dearly. A soft tapping of toenails against the hardwood made your heart soar as you met the eyes of your sweet pup, Dodger. A squeal left your lips as you squatted down to give love to the sweet boy. Chris always made fun of you when you came home, saying that you always seemed to miss Dodger more than you did him and I mean, he wasn’t entirely wrong about that statement.
Once again lost in your own world, you didn’t even notice Chris leaned up against the wall watching you with a smile.
“Oh my god,” you gushed, standing up, “do you like...like me or something?”
Chris grinned as he crossed the room and caught your belt loop with his finger, pulling you into him slowly.
“Yeah,” his voice had dropped down an octave, “you could say that”.
“Mm,” your tongue swiped across your lower lip and you wrapped your arms around his neck, “care to show me how much?”
The look in his eyes made your core burn. The tension building between you two became too much to handle as you crashed your lips into his. The kisses were messy and you could feel the sense of urgency between you two. His beard scratched against the column of your throat with a delicious burn as he left wet kisses across your jaw and down the side of your neck. Chris’ hands found their way back into the ass pockets of your jeans as he started walking you back towards the direction of the bedroom.
Soon, there was a trail of clothes leading to your bedroom and you felt very sorry for your neighbors. It had been a long time, but Chris always had a way of welcoming you home.
#eeeeeeee#i love soft drunk boston frat chris so much it pains me#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans x reader#chris evans#chris evans headcanons#chris evans imagines#chris evans fic#chris evans fluff#chris evans x you#chris evans x y/n#chris evans/reader#chris evans/you#fluff#imagines#headcanons
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The Agreement (Part 6.)
Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader
Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.
Word count: 3.1k
A/N: My heart is beating for Haz rn but Tom is my fave so I’m confused af ok😫. Also who tf is Emily🤡? I hope you like this chapter and I would appreciate it if you leave a comment, reblog or send a feedback!❤️
My tag list is open for this series!
Warnings: flufff, swearing, mentions of alcohol
Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5.
Masterlist
“Ready?”
Monday came quickly honestly. Probably the constant overthinking during the whole Sunday and Monday morning distracted you pretty well.
And here you are now.
Fresh out of the shower, with your robe around your body staring at Anna in front of your door who was ready to ‘glam you up’.
“I don’t know, I think I’m gonna puke if we’re being honest.” You spoke, exhaling the air from your lungs.
“It’s totally normal to feel like that! That means you like him.” She winked, marching to your bedroom.
“Well I do like him and that’s why I’m worried. What if I mess everything up? I’m so awkward you know that.” You began to panic, chewing on your bottom lip nervously.
“Just be yourself, he is already smitten. Believe me, what could go wrong?”
Maybe the truth about Tom, I don’t know.
“You’re right, but I’m still sweating and I feel sick.”
“Can’t wait for you to return from the date and say to me ‘oh I was so stupid for worrying it was amazing Ann I love him!’” She mocked you, laughing along with you.
“I really hope that will be the end product after tonight’s date.”
“Harrison is a really great guy, you will have the best night with him I’m sure.”
Your mouth curved into a smile at the thought of him.
At the thought of his blue eyes and his contagious laugh that was ringing in your ears since Saturday.
Maybe he really is the one for you?
If only Tom didn’t come that night at your apartment, everything would be fine.
The thoughts were eating you up, but you tried to remain calm.
“Just remember Tom’s words. Maybe this deal won’t last that long.” You said to yourself.
“So what are we doing for tonight?” Anna spoke resting her arms on the chair, looking at your reflection in the mirror.
“Nothing extra, keep it casual.” You replied, not wanting to look like you’re going to a red carpet.
“Keep it casual got it.”
“Did you spoke with Tom yesterday?” She asked curiously, making your heart skip a beat when she mentioned his name.
You were trying your best not to react.
“No, he didn’t call me. Why, did something happen?” You asked, trying to look worried.
“No, no. Just asking I thought that he maybe apologized or something, but it seems he is still acting like a total douche.”
You kind of forgot the scene from the party, Harrison being on your mind practically every second.
But now that she reminded you, you were pissed. He could at least call and say a stupid ‘sorry’, however he was too proud. Tom would never admit he was wrong even when it was a small, unimportant thing.
“You know he is like that when he is around a girl that he wants to shag, but still I don’t approve that, I mean we’re his friends.” You responded.
“That’s absolutely right. Gosh I don’t know how could someone sleep with him? I know he is hot and all that but c’mon Tom just thinks with his thing down there and that’s disgusting.” She spoke bitterly while your face turned red.
You don’t know a thing Anna, but you’re definitely right about that.
He just knows how to make a girl say yes straight away, that’s the problem.
“U-uh yes, I agree.” Your voice coming out as a whisper.
“Let’s not ruin our night with him, we love him although he is like that so it’s not important. Did our prince charming say where you two are going?” She changed the subject, focusing on your hair that was the last thing that needed to be done.
“Didn’t drop a single clue, he just said he will pick me up at seven.” You chuckled, glancing at the clock.
Thirty minutes and he will be here.
-
“Oh shit he is outside.” You whisper yelled, heart almost jumping out of your chest.
“Listen. Don’t worry, just relax and be yourself. Harrison is fantastic and not a pompous dick like others.” She put her palms on your shoulders giving them an encouraging squeeze.
You closed your eyes, inhaling deeply to calm your nerves.
“Thank you so much Ann, I owe you big times. I will call you when I come home or you can stay here and make yourself comfortable whatever you want.” You said, hugging her tightly.
“Thanks for the offer but I will go home, and I will be waiting for your call. And you miss have fun.” She smiled like a proud mother, hugging you back.
Your hands were shaking, and your stomach lurched when you saw him leaned on his black car waiting for you.
You both immediately smiled at each other.
Harrison was as nervous as you were. He spent his whole day rambling to Harry that tried his best not to laugh at his friend who was totally excited to see the girl that couldn’t leave his head the whole weekend.
He was finally ready to find a girl. Someone who will be here even when things went downhill.
“Good evening gorgeous.” Harrison greeted, flashing you a broad smile.
“Well good evening to you too handsome.” You greeted him back, standing now in front of him with a shy smile plastered on your face.
“You look stunning tonight love.” He half whispered, with his eyes still on yours.
“Thank you, so do you.”
“Ready to hop in?” He asked, opening the door for you.
“Of course, how could I not be with a gentleman like you by my side?” You flirted shamelessly, making him laugh.
“Eager to know where I’m taking you?” He asked, starting a conversation.
Your eyes were glued on the road and everything around trying to guess where you were heading to.
“Definitely, hope you’re not gonna kill me or something already.”
“Too much criminal series love.” He chuckled at your response.
“And I would still want the place to remain a surprise, but don’t worry nothing will happen.” He added.
“It better not Harrison I trust you.” You continued to joke, enjoying the rest of the drive.
-
“And we’re here beautiful.” He parked his car, opening the door for you again.
Holy fuck.
The view was mesmerizing. It was like a hill, with a view on the whole city that was glowing now.
Your whole face lit up, not only because he was creative and didn’t take you to a classic restaurant on the first date but because you had such a great person next to you to enjoy the breathtaking view with.
“This is truly stupendous Harrison..Gosh.” You were so dumbfounded at the sight that you didn’t feel the warmth of his body behind you.
“I’m so glad you like it, I wanted to take you somewhere special the first time.” He spoke into your ear, sending shivers down your spine.
“I appreciate that a lot, and you really left me speechless here.” You giggled, turning your face to his.
Harrison put a lot of effort in this, wanting to show you how much he fancied you.
This wasn’t just an ordinary place that he googled up or something.
This was Harrison’s special place ever since he was twelve. He would often come here when he needed some time for himself or when he wanted to sit and relax looking at the whole town that was in a rush as always.
The place was unique in Harrison’s life. His gut told him he could trust you and that this was a brilliant timing to share it with you.
He hoped maybe it will be your special place by the end of the night, because he was sure you were the girl that will change his life.
“It’s actually my secret place or whatever they call it nowadays.” His eyes lit up looking at the two most beautiful sights in front of him.
“Oh no sorry, now I ruined the whole secret place thing for you.” You grabbed his hand, feeling bad in some kind of way.
“Don’t be silly love, if I thought you weren’t noteworthy I wouldn’t share it with you.” His fingers stroked your skin carefully, making your heartbeat go wild at the feeling of his gentle touch.
“Happy to hear that you think I’m that special.” You whispered, noticing the small blanket positioned on the grass behind him.
“C’mon let’s sit and enjoy the real magic from here.” His hand took yours, rubbing his thumb against your palm.
-
“So you study English Literature?” He asked, pouring the sparkling wine in your glass.
He sure planned this all well, and you weren’t complaining. In fact you loved it so much that you could sit like this forever. Just you and him.
“That’s right. Does it sound that boring?” You asked, the nervousness now long gone.
“Absolutely not! Mr. Phillips must be your favourite professor I assume?” He rose his eyebrow asking sarcastically.
“Are you like in my class or something because that would be awkward as hell. And no c’mon he is a total ass.”
“If I was with you in the same class I would definitely ask a beauty like you out a long time ago, don’t worry. My sister is taking his classes, she started her first year so you know heard some stuff.” He chuckled, sipping his wine.
“I’m sorry for her, he can be an idiot towards students but that shouldn’t discourage her at all.”
“Totally, every college has someone like that.” He added, receiving a nod from you.
You two were talking like you knew each other your whole life and that was something you craved for a long time.
Harrison couldn’t keep his eyes the whole night away from you.
It was something about your irresistible smile and how your head would fall back when you laughed that got him love-struck.
He really liked you and your sweet soul that was full of tenderness.
That was something he could never find in someone ever since Emily.
“Tired?” He gave you a half-smile when he felt your head resting on his shoulder.
“No, just loving this atmosphere and your presence. I could do this every day for the rest of my life if you ask me.” You said softly.
Harrison thought that this was the perfect timing to wrap his arm around your waist, caressing it carefully.
He was sure he wanted to kiss in you that exact moment. Even though he was distracted by his heart that was a beating mess and by his sweaty palms, he couldn’t wait more. He reminded himself if he waited and didn’t speak to you that night nothing of this would happen, so what could go wrong now?
He didn’t want it to be forced, it should be memorable for the both of you.
What’s the point if he doesn’t show you how much he liked you through the kiss?
So his hands leisurely traveled to your arm and shoulder. Your skin was landscaped with goosebumps, and you were sure he could see how your cheeks turned red although it was dark.
You relaxed in his hands, leaning your face into his neck inhaling his scent.
The grin on his face was growing bigger when he felt your body on his, he would trade anything just to be always like this with you from now on.
His fingertips brushed the skin of your hot cheek while his eyes were admiring your body that was illuminated by the moonlight.
Eventually his large palm cupped your cheek, bringing you close to his face.
His nose bumped into yours, his eyes now focused on your sparkling ones.
“Is this okay?” He asked for consent.
“Yes.” You whispered back, wrapping your hand around his wrist.
“God you’re so beautiful.” His lips were ghosting over yours, still testing the waters.
Harrison was exhilarated at that moment, closing the small space between your lips. They were moving against yours delicately. He could taste the sweet wine from your lips mixing with the taste of your cherry chapstick and it was a combination that he will always associate with you.
Your heart fluttered, and the only thing you could think is how his lips were soft against yours.
Harrison would break the kiss, opening his eyes to ensure himself that you were real and that this wasn’t a figment of his imagination before pulling you in for another short innocent kiss.
You both stayed close to each other after the intimate moment, with Harrison’s thumb still on your cheek.
“I really like you Y/N, I want to be around you more.” He spoke in your ear, nothing but the truth.
“And I like you more, hopefully this will be something more.” You responded truthfully as well.
“Thanks for the wonderful evening love, and thank you for giving me a chance to finally find and enjoy the time with someone as pretty as you, inside and out.”
“No, thank you for everything. You were the first who showed some love and interest for who I really am, not just for some fun.” Your voice getting smaller when you said the last part.
“Love, if someone doesn’t see your true beauty behind that graceful face, he doesn’t deserve a single look from you, let alone something more.”
Oh how right you were Harrison, you don’t even know.
You were a grinning mess after his statement, the only thanks you could give him was a small peck.
-
The car stopped in front of your apartment, silence now filling the space in his car.
His hand rested on top of yours through the whole ride back to the apartment.
Harrison was beaming, glancing every now and then at you, memorising every feature of yours.
“Here we are.”
There was just a little bit of sadness that could be heard in his voice, because the night was over and he was already missing you in his embrace.
“Thank you for this beautiful night. You really made it special.” You spoke once again, caressing his hand that you refused to let go.
“Please love, I already said what I really mean. You are a wonderful person and no one could prove me wrong.”
“You Y/N made this night one of my favourites and thank you for that.” He admitted, kissing you passionately.
This one was a much longer and caring. The kiss was like a perfect match and it made you smile during it.
“Thank you.” You murmured as he pulled away.
“I’m going to call you love, I can’t wait to see you again.”
“Not if I call you first.” You answered.
“I won’t complain.”
“Have a good night beautiful.” He added, pecking your lips.
“And you as well handsome.”
It was like you forgot how to walk when you stepped out of his car. Harrison’s vehicle not leaving the driveway until he was sure you entered the house safely.
The smile on your face was genuine and the whole night was repeating in your head non-stop.
It occupied your mind so much that you didn’t even notice the light being turned on in the living room.
Until a loud groan finally caught your attention.
“Who’s there?” Your voice trembling.
“Fuck, just me.” A male voice responded, mumbling the words.
Just me?
“Are you normal? How did you even enter the apartment?” You relaxed immediately when your eyes landed on a half drunk Tom.
“Key behind the flowerpot, not a brilliant hiding place if you ask me.” He laughed while his eyes remained closed.
“Yeah..right, forgot about that. What do you want?” You spitted, clearly annoyed at the realisation that you will probably not spend the night alone.
“Gotta see my favourite girl, but looks like she was busy.” Tom slurred, resting his hands on the back of his head.
“Tom if you’re drunk you can crash on the couch.” You stated, making your way to your bedroom.
“C’mon babe, wanted to spend the night with you.” He rushed next to you, grabbing your waist.
“Thought you didn’t do that.”
“I meant as friends love, but I can always make an exception for you.” Tom whispered as the smell of the strong alcohol hit your nostrils.
“Are you going to talk to me and say why are you here or?” You tried again.
“I was with Sophie today ya know. It kinda went well I guess? Or not? Because she said I’m gonna regret that decision and that tone but hey I don’t care at least her annoying ass is out of my face.” He smiled, receiving an eye roll from you.
“I told you to talk politely, now she is going to get all crazy.”
“I was polite! But she just doesn’t understand what it means I don’t want anything with you. That’s the problem.”
“Okay, you have a point here, she can get pretty hard to handle.” You believed his words knowing she was a special case.
“Thank you. Also I came to apologize for my behaviour.” Tom added, mumbling the last words.
“Oh really? Why?” You crossed your arms, waiting for him to speak.
“Because I was tipsy, and that was a shit move, you know I didn’t mean that.”
“It was.” Your mouth set in a hard line.
“I’m sorry love okay?”
“You’re forgiven, apologize to Ann as well.” You weren’t in a mood for a fight, and he at least said sorry so all good.
“Not happy to see me love?” He turned his attention to you, squeezing your hips.
“I’m tired Tom, but I appreciate your apology and everything, feel free to take the couch.”
“Where were you that late on a weeknight anyways?” Tom asked curiously, eyeing your body and how pretty you looked tonight.
“On a date.”
Date?
Oh yes Harrison.
That dolled up for him?
Why does he even care about that, you two were nothing?
“Looks like you had fun. Tell me more.”
“You really won’t let me sleep tonight am I right?” You asked, trying your best not to smile but he was making it so hard already.
“Nah, let’s make ourselves comfortable on the couch and spend the night like that hm?” He smirked, pulling you back into the living room.
“Why can’t I say no to you? You need to stop that.”
It was so hard, switching thoughts about two boys every minute. One second it was Harrison only and then Tom just shows up out of nowhere and makes everything go wild inside of you.
You didn’t want to lose Tom nor Harrison.
However you were aware that someone in the end will get heartbroken no matter what, and that was your main concern.
-
Tag List
@averyfosterthoughts @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @timey-wimey-lovi @rachaeldonnaspiteri1 @peterparker-rickybowen-mybabies @sweetestscape @quacksonhq @stuckyyrogers @kaylinfayezink @tomhollandthing @stardustom @hannahholland1811 @yoinkyourheart @magicwithaknife @thurstyforholland @quaksonhehe @fanficscuziranout @runway-to-my-aid @definitely-not-black-cat @got-to-get-away @littlebookbengal @primadonnasdream @readheadwriter @ifntelyinspirit @juliebean247 @hes-amarillo @danicarosaline @lukesbabylon @lulueliott24 @tomshufflepuff @sandtopearl @peteysbaby @lukeys-giggle @supernaturalwriter24 @synonymforlame
#tom holland imagine#tom holland fanfic#tom holland#tom holland smut#tom holland fluff#tom holland angst#tom holland blurb#tom holland au#tom holland one shot#tom holland x reader#tom holland fanfiction#harrison osterfield imagine#harrison osterfield fanfic#harrison osterfield#harrison osterfield smut#harrison osterfield fluff#harrison osterfield au#harrison osterfield x reader#harrison osterfield blurb#fwb!tom#fwb!au#frat!tom#elli writes#The Agreement series
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VidCon London 2020
I wrote up some rambly thoughts on Vidcon, my trip, and Phil day!
I arrived in London the night before the others, last Thursday (a week ago?? WOT), so went straight to my friend’s place in London – we went to a pub near his for pizza, and while I was there I saw Dan’s cute tweet. After a few wines, it made me super emotional as you can imagine. I love him. <3
We had some more drinks once we got back, which made the next morning … well.
Friday – Day 1
YUP, HANGOVER. But luckily not a ‘can’t function’ hangover, so once I’d packed up I made my way over to the Airbnb (it was fuckin WIMDY) to leave the luggage (too early to check in). The previous occupants were a group of Lads who’d left the place in a state, so it was still being cleaned. HONESTLY BOYS SMH)
Then I headed to the complex’s on-site café (ooh errr) and spent some time trying to figure out what to write in the card I wanted to give to Phil. My roomies @yikesola, @ahappydnp and @calvinahobbes arrived a little later and we checked into the flat, and basically hung out and chatted until it was time to head to registration. Which was a good decision as the line was super small on Friday night. Gotta say, the feeling of seeing Phil so big and so central on all the banners and posters for the con made me feel so proud of him. As other people have mentioned, there was some – curiosity, I guess? Worry? – about whether it would be weird seeing him there doing his first event like this on his own in a *very* long time, but somehow it wasn’t, at any point.
We spotted Martyn checking in further down the hall, which was probably the first moment it all started to Feel Real. We (slightly awkwardly at first in my case lol) met a bunch of online folks in the registration area, and tagged along for a cable car ride over the river (did I mention it was WIMDY) to the O2 arena for dinner. When we all sat down to eat I realised I was sitting opposite two friends from IDB! \o/ We headed back after the meal to hang out and PREPARE for what was about to come.
Saturday - Day 2 - PHIL DAY
We started off by going for breakfast – naturally pancakes – and then headed across to the con. The first event of the day was the comedy panel that Phil was on, so we went across to the panel room early and ended up sitting through the panel before that one, ‘Out and Online’, which was probably – Phil notwithstanding – the better of the two I saw.
During that first panel – and really all morning up to that point – I’d started to feel increasingly nervous. I’d never met Dan or Phil before, and the fact it was happening imminently was suddenly hitting me. Not to mention it was very hot in the panel room that day, and – yeah. By the time the LGBT+ panel finished, I was just like the *screaming internally* meme.
The only other time I’d seen D&P in person with my own eyes was at Interactive Introverts – non-VIP, and I was quite far from the stage, so I couldn’t see them well, y’know? So when the panellists walked in for the comedy panel, I turned around and saw Phil properly in person for the first time. And… wow. I’m sure I hardly need to tell anyone on this forum how attractive he is, but I was just blown away by how beautiful he is in person. He just seems to, like, glow.
And I was absolutely in love with his jacket, which I thought was new at first (it took me a while to place it was the one from the II promo photos). He just looked wonderful, and I went full Heart Eyes Motherfucker as he took his seat with the others. And once I’d actually seen him, somehow I felt less anxious and stressed.
The panel was okay – I wasn’t familiar with the other attendees and I’m not sure theirs is the sort of content I’d necessarily watch – lots of prank vids and the like, but they def had some fans in the room. But it was obvious the majority of the attendees were there for Phil, and I noticed him looking around the room at all the people there for him throughout, making eye contact with lots of people. I’m sure he made brief eye contact a couple of times, which made me go !!!!! It was obvious the panelists were at quite different stages of their careers, which was a little dissonant sometimes, but also quite sweet – Phil was very encouraging to the younger, more inexperienced members of the panel, which was very lovely. Lucky them to have such a kind senpai.
After that we only had a quick break (mainly to down water after being boiled to death in the panel room) before it was time to get in line for Phil’s meet and greet. The wait for him to arrive was weirdly fast but also interminably long, and I spent most of it panicking about what I was going to say to Actual Phil Lester in a matter of minutes.
But soon enough he arrived, shook hands with the photographer, did a lil hop to wave to everyone in the crowd who was waving at him, and then off we went.
I wasn’t sure what to expect – I’ve had pics before with celebs at conventions, and every con is different in how they handle photos. Some really rush you through, but this one was pretty good, I thought – you had plenty of time to say whatever you wanted to say, or give gifts – I thought we were supposed to leave them in a box somewhere, but no, we were to give them directly to Phil, who had a little table to put them on. Obviously I wanted to give him a hug, too, but would I be too awkward to ask for one once I actually got up there, I wondered?
But as it turned out I needn’t have worried; I could watch people meeting him from where we were in the line, and from the very first person, he opened his arms for a big hug from everyone who went up to meet him. Watching people running into his arms was making me really emotional – he just has such a great connection with his people. You could tell he was happy to be there and liked meeting us all. He took so many cute photos with people. We noticed he had a Sharpie and was signing things, which we hadn’t been told about beforehand, so I hadn’t brought anything special - ended up getting him to sign my con badge as a souvenir.
There were 3 of us, and @yikesola took one for the team and volunteered to go first. I watched how much fun they were having, how easily they chatted and hugged and posed for their cute photo and thought to myself, please don’t be a total buffoon when you go up there…
Soon enough it was my turn. Walking up for these things is always nervewracking and awkward – except this time, once it was time, Phil turned around, looked at me, smiled and opened his arms and I knew it would be okay.
I walked over and hugged him, and he probably had to bend down quite a lot, lol. I reached up over his shoulder to hug him, which meant being on tiptoes, of course; as many people have said in the past, he didn’t let go until you did. He was so gentle. <3 I maybe hugged him for a little longer than I might usually with someone I didn’t know because of it; he just has such comforting and welcoming vibes. And no, before anyone asks, I didn’t notice what he smelled like – we were talking about it after and I don’t think any of us did. I don’t in general unless someone’s wearing reasonably strong perfume/cologne, I don’t think, unless I’m hugging them for a really long time. ANYWAY.
The now-famous jacket (which looked so good!!) was soft AF. I handed over my lil gift – he spotted the chocolate and was pretty happy about that.
I then had a little time to talk to him but, like, how do you condense into a few seconds what someone means to you, how much they’ve helped you or how much you appreciate them? So I ended up going with one of the main reasons I came to love Phil so much as a creator – someone around my age still making such fun content. I don’t mean it like, ‘wow, at your age!!’ lol, which I’m not sure he would have appreciated, more like – when you get to a certain age, people often expect you to leave certain interests and behaviours aside (we see it all the time with these ‘ew people over 30 in fandom?? Gross’ posts), and Phil is still being himself and doing what he wants and not letting that affect him, and I just think that’s really great and it’s meant a lot to me. So we talked about that a bit. He said you should be able to be creative at any age. <3 Talking to him wasn’t like I expected – I don’t know what I expected, really, but I thought he might have more of a – nervous energy, maybe? Or just a bit more – y’know, ‘AmazingPhil’? But no, he was chill and confident and had this ease about him that was so comforting in person. I know he’s an introvert and probably holed up on the couch for a week after meeting all those people (hard same), but he really is so good at talking to people and making them feel at ease; everyone looked so happy walking away from him.
About halfway through the convo I had to work really hard to keep my brain on track and not just descend into babbling nonsense because he was looking me in the eye and listening attentively and bruh!!! That is … a hell of a thing! Not only is he so beautiful, but he really listens, and cares about what you’re saying, and is actually interested and not just going ‘uh huh, uh huh …’ like other celebs can do. His expression and demeanour was so friendly and open and welcoming, and honestly I just felt like I could talk to him for hours.
We then posed for the official photo they took, and hugged for it – when I’ve had other photo ops in the past where I’m standing close to the person I’ve been prone to nervous giggling, but this time I felt really relaxed and happy.
And that was it! I reluctantly said goodbye and headed off and was so flustered I a) forgot my little card to collect my photo, the guy had to chase after me, though it looked like everyone was doing that because they were on cloud 9, and b) picked up someone else’s sequin Dan bag from the bag pile. (Which I immediately noticed because I had a keychain and pin on mine, but I mean they *are* identical.) We went to get food and download our photos and watch all the videos we took. Even though I now had pics, I still almost couldn’t believe it was actually real.
And, wow. We were just floating for the rest of the day. It was such a wonderful, positive experience and I’m so glad it worked out that I was able to meet Phil. I didn’t think I could love him more but after that day I definitely did. Obviously, because it’s me, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I said to him and how I said it and was it the right thing and did I say it right and lejslkdjkjfkdhks, but at the end of the day he was lovely, I said more or less what I wanted to say (of course there’s more I’d have wanted to say, but there’s never enough time), and it went wonderfully well. So I really shouldn’t worry too much.
We paid a quick visit to the AP shop booth in the Expo Hall – they didn’t have a ton of stuff but they had all the t-shirts (I think it was just all the t-shirts, corgi jumper, corgi keychains, glitch hoodie), so I bought the yellow Try New Things shirt from Sarah. (And got a free pixel Phil sticker; they really want to get rid of those huh)
The only other Phil-event for the day was his appearance at the Night of Awesome that evening, so we went along for that. Apparently the theme of the evening was ‘collaboration’, so most of the performers didn’t appear by themselves aside from a couple of music acts. But it quickly descended into madness – most of the performances were some sort of challenge which involved the loser getting a pie to the face or gunged – i.e. perfect Saturday night entertainment if you’re ten. So maybe it was more aimed at kids, I thought, until one of the music acts started swearing up a STORM and a load of horrified parents started dragging their kids out while I almost died trying not to laugh. There was a lot of TikTok stuff, but the animators challenge was pretty good and a couple of the music acts were great.
You probably read about the guy who crashed the performance to make an offensive anti-trans joke and then got chased out by security … when I figured out who it was later I wasn’t surprised, he’s done stupider shit in the past, but Vidcon didn’t react very well to it right away. Throughout the event I generally thought security and staff were very good, but they really dropped the ball on this. The music act gamely carried on though, as did a number of other acts after them, and *just* as everyone had pretty much lost the will to live, Phil randomly appeared on stage with Kian and JC (…no, me neither) along with a science Youtuber. Yay! I thought his bit was really cute; kind of random but that made sense when he explained the original plan had gone awry shortly before the show started. He was *so* into it and I thought it was so sweet how, again, he kept looking for his people in the crowd. He was so confident on stage and even when the stuff he was being asked to do was so random and weird he just owned it, went for it and made it funny. Thomas Sanders came on after science!Phil to do a very wholesome set which kind of saved the evening, lol.
And that was the end of Phil day! Naturally we had to order Domino’s in the evening after our emotional and intense day (and to recover from whatever tf most of that concert was). I feel like I’ve become some sort of addict, and now the rest of my existence will be sad and grey until I can hug Phil again (which might well be never). I have peaked. I also remembered what I like so much about (good) conventions; being with your people and feeling so free to express yourself and what you love - between the phannies and the fanders there were so many pride flags, and so many people walking around wearing merch. (Also it was the first con I’d ever been to where there were no cosplayers! Which is unsurprising given it’s youtube fandom, but still – new experience.)
Sunday - Day 3
Sunday we slept in after staying up until like 3am chatting (whoops), so I missed jacksepticeye’s panel but I did get to the Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher one, which was really funny. I wish I’d gotten to meet the boys but what can you do. I also went to the Expo Hall and met PJ (who was very nice, and friendly!! But had exactly that nervous energy I was talking about earlier, which I’m more accustomed to when I meet celebs at cons; Phil really is something special), and bought a few enamel pins, because ENAMEL PINS.
And then … the worst bit of any con, people started to leave. :( My 3 roomies left first, which was the worst bit of the weekend. I ended up tagging along with some twitter friends to get coffee, and we ended up sitting around for like 3 hours outside the cloakroom because no one wanted to leave.
We found out about Dan’s half marathon during this time, and I know people have this view of phannies like we’re all obsessive, invasive weirdos who just want to find out things for – I dunno, clout? But honestly everyone there was so proud of him and just like the whole weekend, it was great to be with people who understood. Like, I can hardly tell a co-worker that a youtuber I follow ran a marathon, they’d be like - okay, and…? So it was nice to sit there and sort of – celebrate it, in our own lil way.
We all parted ways on the train - I went back to my friend’s and watched Phil’s liveshow there, which was really a perfect way to end the weekend. I’m glad it sounded like he had such a nice time at Vidcon. Someone tweeted about him seeing all the people who had come to see just him and how excited they were to see him, and that warmed my heart. And hopefully his too.
The next day I returned to the Excel to have pizza lunch with the last two friends who were still in town, which really helped with the post-con blues, and then it really was it. Since then I’ve been hanging out at my friend’s flat and taking a couple of trips out to various shops or whatever, but I’ve mostly been tired and lazy and catching up on sleep a bit.
As I mentioned, I’m now a filthy addict. I will be … keeping an eye on future vidcons/events, for sure. >_> And I might be back in London in April, maybe. >_> many thoughts head full
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Truth or Dare - Noah Centineo Smut
AN: OK YA’LL, SO I haven’t written a fic or one shot in about, oh god I don’t know, SEVEN FUCKING YEARS?!?!?!?!? I was all about hazza back in the day but tbh there is some SERIOUS DIRE NEED for NOAH FUCKING CENTINEO SMUT on here and I cannot believe I wrote one?? Just spent the last 3 hours on it, instead of sleeping. It might be bad but idk it’s at least ONE MORE NOAH SMUT SHOT?? Idk :///// lemme know what you think!! It’s super long pls bear with me I TEND TO ALWAYS WRITE NOVELS OH GEE LOOK AT THIS LONG AF AN!!
TLDR: you’re about to play truth or dare (kind of?????) with Noah fucking Centineo. PLEASE SIT DOWN BC FILTHY SMUT IS ON THE WAY!!!!
Hope you enjoy, let me know if you do!! (Pls message me I need friends and followers on tik tok, jk, only jking about tik tok, I really need friends
…………………………………………………………………….
You gazed at the clock once again, for the what was actually the thousandth time that night. 11:00PM on the dot. To make matters worse, it was a Friday. Not only could you not fall asleep for shit, but the daunting thought of being home alone on a Friday night, only made your insomnia worse.
You sighed as you rolled out of bed and walked lazily to your living room. As you plopped down on your couch, you decided to open up Instagram. While scrolling through your feed, you happened to notice you had a message notification. You clicked on it and instantly a smile lit up your face. A photo of your best friend, and roommate, Noah, with a sad, puppy dog face and a pair of nerdy 3D glasses. The simple message is what really did you in. “Wish you were here. Xo.”
You and Noah had been best friends for the last five years and have been living together for two. You’ve loved him since you met him. His gorgeous eyes, his toned body, his adorable, dorky smile, his hearty laugh. It all made you melt.
You were completely in love with him and he had no fucking clue.
It was absolutely frustrating, to be quite honest. At times, you get so fed up that you just want to pack up, leave, and go start over somewhere else, hoping you’ll forget all about Noah Centineo. Forget all the times he hugged you tightly and wiped your tears away as you cried. Forget all the movie and dinner dates you had gone on, one of the best parts being your spitball fights. Forget all those times he’d tell you he could never sleep, and he’d ask you to just lay with him until he dozed off, saying he just needed a quick cuddle before bed. Forget all of the little, most adorable, seemingly insignificant (but actually meant the whole world to you) moments you both had shared together.
But you knew there was no way that could or would ever happen. You were absolutely smitten.
You noticed he had sent that message over two hours ago. His guy friends had declared it their “Boys Night Out” and decided to go see a thriller 3D film. He looked so cute in those glasses..
You felt your phone buzz and noticed Noah had just texted you.
“Hey, you up? Be home in five. Let’s hangoutttttttttttt! :) Movie sucked. Should have just stayed home with you and watched Clueless for the 18th time. That bad.” He wrote.
You scoffed and instantly replied, “How dare you insult Clueless. Not sure if I can hangout with assholes who insult classic chick flicks.”
“I’ll have you know I’m well versed in chick flick classics. If you can honestly call that a classic….. yikes.”
You laughed, as you typed your response. “You’re evicted. Goodnight.”
“The lease is in my name, love. Let me in little bo peep, I’m outside.”
“We don’t take our keys anymore, now?” You inquired, as he strutted through the door, popping his collar to perfect his extra sassy entrance.
“Nope,” he said, popping the P, “I have them. Just wanted to annoy you and get greeted by your lovely face.” He said, wearing his proud smirk.
“Well, that trip from the couch to the front door made me tired. I’m going to bed,” You jokingly said, turning around to play into it.
“Noooooooo,” he whined, running over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind you, “Be nice to me!”
You felt yourself getting weak in the knees, your head spinning and your stomach churning. You didn’t know how much longer you could possibly put off kissing this boy. Especially when he put on his cute act like this. He could be so sarcastic one minute and so fucking cute the next. How were you supposed to control yourself?
“Okay, okay,” you said laughing, collecting yourself after what felt like an hour but had only been a few seconds. “What should we do?”
“I think it’s been quite a while since a proper game of “Truth or Dare”, wouldn’t you say, (Y/L/N)?” He asked, winking at you. Oh, this fucking boy.
“Of all things to do on a Friday night at 11:15, you want to play Truth or Dare?” You asked, giving him only slight fake tude, crossing your arms over your chest while smiling at him.
He grinned. “As a matter of fact, I do. Sit down. I’ll start.” He finished, patting the spot next to him on the couch.
You rolled your eyes but listened anyway, getting comfy next to him while you waited for him to start.
“Y/N, truth or dare?” Noah asked, staring at you intently.
“Truth.”
“Do you still sleep with your nightlight?”
“Um, DUH! You know it gets way too dark in our apartment with these dark ass curtains you picked! I refuse to be tortured because you like to sleep in and not know the sun has risen!”
“That was obviously a touchy subject. My girl thinks the curtains are too dark. Noted.” He laughed as he spoke, obviously getting a kick out of you. He always did.
He would randomly throw in the, “My girl,” comment whenever you would get a bit snarky with him. He always pointed out how you two were already like a married couple. The playful banter would sometimes solicit him making those couply jokes, and as much as they made you melt, you would also realize it didn’t mean what it did to you, to him.
“Hello! Earth to, Y/N! It’s my turn!”
“Sorry. Uh, tr-Truth or dare, Noah?”
“Dare.”
“I dare you to go ding dong ditch someone on the 5th floor.” You said, looking down at the ground.
“Y/N, you’re so boring. And I’m way too cozy to be getting up for something so childish right now,” he smirked. “I might as well give myself a dare.”
“Well, why don’t you go on then, Mr. Too Cool For Lame Dares?” You chuckled, looking at him now.
He suddenly got a little more serious, which you knew meant business. He was always lighthearted and happy go lucky. Of course when situations called for it, he was an absolute rock. He gave the best advice, best pep talks and words of encouragement, and you always felt like you had someone on your side. Something must have been weighing on him.
He licked his lips before he spoke. He started slow, “Alright then,” he said, letting out a small nervous, and slightly unsure laugh. “I…. I Dare myself to kiss you, Y/N.”
“You.. what?” Had you heard him right?
“I dare.. I fucking dare myself to fucking kiss you. It’s all I’ve been wanting and needing. This has literally been on my mind for way too long now and it’s driving me crazy. You’re driving me crazy,” he rambled on, his eyes fixated on you for your reaction. “I can’t keep pretending like every time I see you, or every time we hug that I don’t just wanna hold your face and kiss the fuck outta you,” he finished.
You were stunned, mouth open. Speechless, really.
He cleared his throat, his voice sounding much raspier, and sexier, as he reinstated, “So, as long as you’re okay with it and maybe want that too, I dare myself to kiss you.”
“Noah.. I-Uh.. okay,” you silently answered, looking at him with big eyes. You didn’t know how to react, you were worried it was some kind of joke. It didn’t seem real. This handsome, amazing guy, wanting you just as much as you wanted him?
“Okay,” he breathed out a laugh; his breath had hitched as he answered.
He kept his eyes on you as you both slowly leaned in. You closed your eyes and the instant you did that you felt his lips on yours and honestly, you could have cried. Everything felt so right and everything was hazy. You felt yourself get more comfortable and more into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. His hands found your face, as he pulled away from you for a second, eliciting a quiet whimper from you.
“I cannot begin to express how long I’ve wanted this for. And I really cannot explain how beautiful I think you are. Everything about you, Y/N. You’re all I think about. All I thought about while watching that dumb movie was how small and delicate your hands are, how good your hair smells, how your smile literally lights up my day.” He then dropped the contact from your eyes to your neck as he dipped low and kissed your sweet spot. “How badly I want to be with you,” he continued on, sucking your neck a little bit this time. “How badly I need you.”
“Oh Noah,” you moaned, “I want you too. I want you to be mine. I want to be yours. I need you. I really fucking need you.” You were panting at this point, as he was still sucking your neck. You weren’t sure how but you realized at this point your fingers were wrapped between his curls and his breath was shaky against your skin.
“Fuck love. Are you sure you want this? I promise I do, I just want to be sure this is what you want too. I just want you happy, Y/N. I’ve been in love with you from the moment I met you, and I’ve been so nervous to fuck this up. I can’t lose you,” he said, looking back into your eyes, searching to make sure you were okay with what was about to happen.
His words had reassured you, and you finally felt a weight lifted off your shoulders. You gently kissed him, and felt him get into it, lips lightly caressing yours, tongue skimming your bottom lip. You pulled away to say, “I’ve never been so sure, Noah. I’m in love with you too. Always have been. Pretty sure I always will be. Kinda hoping that’s not too honest, but I’m just trying to keep it real,” you laughed a bit.
Noah laughed too, and replied, “You silly, silly girl. You think that honesty of yours isn’t one of the main reasons why I’m so head over heels for you? You’d have thought that in the five years you would have picked up a clue on one of my many obvious signs. Dork,” he teased.
Before you had a moment to retaliate, his hands wandered to your hips and he pulled you in for the most passionate kiss you’ve ever received. He kissed you so gently, yet so fervently, you felt your body turning to mush. He slightly tugged the tips of your hair and you moaned into mouth, allowing him access to slip his tongue in. His warm tongue glided over yours and softly caressed yours. He made you feel so fucking sexy by just kissing, you couldn’t imagine how he could make you feel kissing other parts of you or doing other things with other parts.
You’d only hoped you’d ever be able to find this out. It was your lucky fucking day.
You shifted your body to lay more into him and rested your hand in his lap, only to hear him let out a guttural moan. You’d been so into the heated kiss you hadn’t realized you were a bit further into his lap than you thought and you’d been grazing his dick.
This time, you smirked at him, and went right back in for the kiss, slightly palming him through his jeans, feeling him getting harder with each second that passed by.
“Fuck, Y/N, you make me fucking crazy. You make me feel so good,” he half whimpered, his voice, and his cock, straining.
“C’mere,” he muttered, easily picking you up and shifting you onto his lap. “That’s better,” he grinned cheekily, his hands now resting on your ass.
He put his hand behind your head and pulled you in for another hot kiss. He had one hand resting on your ass, and his other was used to tangle your hair around his fingers. He deepened the kiss by adding his tongue, and you felt your panties absolutely pooling. You needed friction and you were quite sure he definitely wouldn’t mind some.
You stood up, having to break the kiss and having Noah pout at you, to take off your pants. You went to get back on Noah, but he grabbed you gently to stop you. “Tsk, tsk,” he tutted at you. “I believe you’re still wearing too much clothing down there,” he said, pointing to your panties.
“Well, don’t you think the person who has a problem with them, should be the one removing them?” You quizzed, your voice sounding extra sultry and turning Noah on even more so if possible.
“That’s definitely,” he started, getting on his knees in front of you, his head right below your waist, “Not a problem.”
As he finished his sentence, you were a bit confused, but that only lasted a second. He made his way to the elastic band of your panties and locked his teeth into it, pulling them completely off, and pulling you back onto his lap, in one slow, seductive yet swift move.
“That’s better,” he sexily smirked, once again resting his hands on your, now bare, ass.
You decided to be the bold one, and begin to move on him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Slowly grinding down on his hardened cock over his jeans, the pressure feeling absolutely out of this world on your clit. You could tell Noah was into it too. Besides his hooded eyes resting directly on your face and his soft moans, his hands were pushing your ass back and forth on him and slightly down a bit, so it felt better for both of you.
You started slow, yes, but fuck, Noah was fucking packing and you couldn’t help but pick up the pace. You started grinding your hips faster, and that still wasn’t enough. Noah felt that you needed more so he pressed down a bit harder and pushed you a bit quicker back and forth over his cock. You couldn’t help but stare down at where your clit was rubbing his jeans and notice the big wet spot pooled on his pants. It felt so dirty, so raw, so fucking hot. Noah’s hands travelled to your tits, as he started to squeeze while you kept your fast rhythm, humping your bare pussy over his jeans.
“Fuck, Y/N.. I feel- I feel you through my jeans. You’re soaking. I need your shirt off. Now. Fuck,” he strained, his voice so raspy and needy.
He removed your shirt quickly, and proceeded to finally remove all of his clothes in one take. You took to your new found favorite place, yet again, on his lap and slowly lowered yourself onto him. You started grinding on his cock again, teasingly slow. The instant your dripping pussy touched his tip, he let out a moan from his belly, a long, dragged out, “Fuuuuuuuuuck.”
He flipped you over so you were beneath him on the couch. Both of you were silently thanking yourselves for deciding to purchase the couch from Ikea that turns into a flat sofa, big enough to be a bed.
He brought a finger to your mouth, in which you happily obliged and allowed him to put his finger tip in and you began to suck on it. He watched you from above, his mouth in a slight “o” shape, precum leaking from his dick from being so fucking goddamn turned on by you.
He removed his finger from your mouth and brought it between your legs and toyed with your slit, expertly gathering up your juices, and slowly bringing his fingers to your clit to rub circles.
“Noah, just like that. Right there. Feels so— yeah, feels so fucking good, Daddy,” you said, trying to wind him up. You had called him it as a joke previously one day during another playful fight, and he tensed up for a bit and shortly went to his room after. You now had a slight hunch as to why.
“Oh my god, Y/N. What are you doing to me?” He moaned, slipping a finger between your folds and then slowly entering your warm, wet, pussy. “You’re so fucking tight. God, I can’t wait to feel my girl wrapped around me. You’re gonna feel so good, love. I’m gonna make you feel so. Fucking. Good.” As he finished his sentence he gave you a couple of nice pumps with his fingers, as he added another one in somewhere along the way and it only heightened your pleasure.
You were a moaning mess and needed him. You weren’t beneath begging. In fact, it turned you on. You wanted Noah to have his absolute fucking way with you.
“Please, I need you Noah. I need you,” you whimpered, feeling his dick now pressed between your folds, slowly grinding up and down on your swollen clit.
“Mmmm, my girl is so polite right now, isn’t she?” He toyed, moving his head down to suck your nipple whilst staring at your eyes.
“Please, Noah. I need to feel your big dick inside me. I need you to fuck me so good that I can’t fucking walk after. I need you to be so deep inside me that all I know is you and your name. I need you to cum for me. Please,” you begged, whimpering as he was still sucking, and now moaning, on your tender nipples.
“You don’t have to fucking ask twice. Especially when you sound so sexy begging for me, love.” He stated, bringing his lips closer to your ear, “I’m going to be the best fuck you’ve ever had. You won’t remember anyone before me, and there certainly will be no one after me, I’ll make fucking sure, love. Grab my shoulders, babe. Or pull my hair. Your call,” he whispered, sucking your ear lobe at the end of his cocky speech. It only made you that much more soaked. You were dripping on his thigh that had been pressed between your legs during the duration. He also noticed this, as he said, “Mmmm, I love feeling you on my thigh. You’re fucking drenched.”
“All for you,” you whispered, totally out of breath at this point. How the fuck did you end up here, naked, under your best friend who you’ve been in love with for all these years, whose also naked and has just professed his love for you, as well? Um, WHO FUCKING CARES, WE GOT HERE!
He slipped a condom on and positioned himself at your entrance. “Like I said, let your hands roam wherever they choose. I’m gonna take you on the ride of your fucking life, princess.”
He slowly entered you, neither of you being able to contain the moans that erupted in your bellies. “Shit,” Noah whimpers, as one of his hands grabs onto the end of the couch, the other around your waist, “You feel so amazing. So warm, so wet. So. Fucking. Tight.”
He was all the way inside you, balls fucking deep. He slowly slipped back out and all the way back in, his cock caressing your insides and making you feel as though you could already cum all over him. You had your head in his neck as he continued pumping himself in and out of you, and you started sucking on his neck.
“Yeah, fuck, that feels so good. You feel so good. Fuck. I can’t believe we waited this long. I love you so much, Y/N. My god, fuck. You’re so fucking tight for me.” Noah said, panting after every other word.
“Oh, I love you too. So much. Shit, yeah Noah! Oh my god, right fucking there, Daddy! You feel so fucking good. Your big cock all the way inside my pussy, you get so fucking deep. My god, go faster. Yeah. Please, please keep fucking going,” you moaned, your voice definitely raising an octave.
“Fuck,” Noah whimpered, pumping faster to keep up with your demands, as he locks eyes with you, his mouth completely open as he slams in and out of you while keeping his fast pace. The couch is shaking and it’s only elevating the sex appeal of the entire situation.
Noah can tell you’re getting close, and he’s feeling like he could bust at any second, so he brings his fingers down to rub fast, hard circles on your clit, while he pumps quickly in and out of you.
“Fuck, Noah, yes. Oh my god, yessssssss! Keep fucking going, just like that,” you yell, turning Noah on more and more with each second that passes. He feels as though he can combust just fucking watching you. You’re absolutely perfect.
“Yeah, you like when I’m fucking you so hard and playing with that pretty pussy of yours? You like when I take care of you huh, my girl? I want you to let me know how fucking good you feel. Let everyone in the building know who’s making you feel this good, love. Cum on my cock, Y/N,” he panted and moaned, sounding just as close to his release as you were.
“Yeah Noah, you make my pussy feel so fucking good. Right there, you’re hitting my spot fuck. I’m gonna cum all over you, fuck. Oh fuck, yeah please, oh my god I’m cumming, Noah!” You yelled, definitely loud enough for all of the neighbors on the 7th floor to know exactly what you’re doing and whose doing it to you. You released all over him, your ears ringing and legs shaking. Your body felt ignited in a way you’ve never experienced before. You wanted him to cum so bad. You needed to see him cum. Ultimately, you needed to be the reason he had to cum. “Fuck, Noah, please cum for me. I need to watch you fall apart on top of me. I need you to show me how good I make you feel. Let me know how much you love my pussy,” you panted, pushing him to his release and his thrusts getting sloppier.
“Fuck, you’re so filthy. My feisty, dirty girl. Who knew you had such a filthy mouth? You’re gonna make me cum, Y/N. Oh fuck, yeah love, fuck I love you. Oh, yeah, shit,” Noah moaned, voice literally raspier than ever as he slammed his hand down on the end of the couch, gripping it for dear life. You felt his cock twitch inside you and his face scrunched up while he moaned inaudible words and chanted your name and he released into the condom, still inside of you, locking eyes with you just as he had cum but he had to close his eyes from the pleasure being so intense.
His body collapsed onto yours, and you wrapped your arms around him, as you both came down from your highs. He was silently tracing shapes on your arm while his head was resting in the crook of you neck, planting small kisses to the spots he had sucked on earlier.
As you both finally caught your breaths, he lifted his head and caught your eyes. He raised his hand to brush away a piece of hair that clung to your sweaty face, as he sweetly and softly laughed.
“I can’t believe I went to that dumb fucking movie and came home to tell you how in love with you I am,” he said, smiling down at you.
“All thanks to a solid game of truth and dare that hardly took off,” you chuckled, staring right back into his gorgeous, sweet eyes.
“Shit,” he said, realizing you hardly got through the game. He smirked, “Y/N, truth or dare?” He asked, as he grabbed your hand.
“I’m too tired for another one of your kind of dares.. Truth,” you said, snorting as you laughed.
He kissed you gently before placing his lips at your ear and whispered, “Will you be my girlfriend?”
#noah#noah centineo#noah centineo truth or dare#smut#noah centineo smut#noah centineo one shot#noah centineo dirty#noah centineo imagine#noah centineo dirty oneshot#noah centineo fic
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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)
(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)
alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.
with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.
and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.
forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.
everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.
and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.
and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.
and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?
and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.
that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.
idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.
but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.
i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.
tl;dr
so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.
i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.
i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious
thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!
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things a new rp partner should know about me !
fun new meme here ! write 3-5 things a rp partner (or those who want to be) should know about you and tag 3-5 people! it should be related to rp and not to other interests.
tagged by: vishus
tagging: do the thing
Seems a big duh given my activity here, but I’m slow af at replying. For a number of reasons. A) I’m a uni student about 8 months away from graduating into the medical profession. So the amount of hours they require (even in quarantine haha) of study this year severely cuts into my writing time - or uses up so much brain juice that I lose all capability to remember how to write English anymore lmao. Sentences??? We don’t know her!!! I also don’t see that changing too much when I re-enter the workforce. B) Additionally, it took a while after a rough patch of addiction, perfectionism, and realising I had robbed all the fun out of it, but rp is now back in a sphere of ‘this is my hobby not my obsession’ for me. Thank god, even if I think I’ve written a big pile of meh, that’ll do, these days I’m more likely to post than hoard it and it no longer affects my mental health. Having said that, there is a small C factor:
While not necessary! I do prefer ooc communication. I’m defs 1000% happy to reply to people anyway if a partner isn’t a fan of chatting or just doesn’t want to ooc, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to spark ideas and keep motivated and moving thread-wise when we chat ooc. I love plotting, I love hearing about your character, I love hearing about headcanons, and just building up a creative sphere with someone. It also helps keep things alive when me or both of us are going through a rough or dead patch of writing - or no writing at all. I’ve just noticed, it’s not intentional, but the people who I chat to on the reg with both people obvs excited for threads just tend to be who I’m motivated to reply to most.
About ooc communication. I can ramble excitedly for days, but I’ve been surrounded by spoonie people my whole life - and after a severe neck injury 3 years back, I’m one of them. I’m also gettin old guys, and I’m patient, without drama, and tend to see things as ‘you do you friend-o’. If u need a break from answering for days, weeks at a time, don’t feel bad! I respect that, no question, and while I may still link share sporadically things I think u might enjoy while ur gone, there is no obligation to answer me till u want to or have ur spoons back. I may be concerned if we were chatting a lot and then you vanish for ages without a raincheck, but it’s not judgement. I also sometimes vanish for long periods of time; sometimes the msging system hasn’t notified me, but I also forget to reply a lot.
This is guaranteed to happen: I will write a reply that’s too long for u short para peeps. And ye Norns I wholeheartedly encourage you to be like yo, girl, y u like this 😂 My first instinct is to write a LOT. I’ve been too many years since graduating yr 12 English, and I’m bad at cutting down and being succinct (working on it! but my yr 12 English teacher would be very disappointed HAHA).
This one is MUSE SPECIFIC. Bold! Underlined!! Very important!! I have lots of OCs who are way more chill and easy to get along with, and good lord a hell of a lot more randy and driven that way. But Hætta is, by nature and nurture reasons, even in his mortal verses and aus, one big DO NOT TOUCH ME sign. So I cannot write smut without muse chemistry first. By gods that doesn’t mean pre-existing relos can’t be written and discussed, it’s just impossible to write smut when he doesn’t want it, hasn’t developed a relationship with your muse, or hasn’t come to trust your muse (through a pre-discussed backstory that makes sense for his character and yours to have come to know and like each other/get together), or if they’re straight-up antagonistic to each other - and not in a fun ‘enemies to lovers’ way. He’s really quite demisexual on the spectrum. I will write smut, and it’s not judgement towards your muse, heck if they wanna flirt with him overtly go for it! But on this note, this is often why smut-driven ALONE/ONLY plots with no surrounding plot, work poorly for my boy here. It’s just him. -huge shrug-
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Comparing "problems only girls will understand" and "problems only guys will understand" posts/videos/lists is honestly so fucking wild.
Things Only Girls Understand
Nearly debilitating period cramps
Bleeding from your vagina and all of the discomfort with it
Fashion and makeup companies specifically targeting our insecurities until we have panic attacks
The clothing marketed towards us not being fully functioning (WHERE ARE THE FUCKING POCKETS?!?!?) and often uncomfortable/revealing/low quality unless you're willing to spend a lot of money or scour thrift stores
Literally being terrified of men on a daily basis because we may be attacked
Am I having a heart attack or is that just my boob hurting? Am I having a cramp or did my appendix burst? Hell if I know!
When I leave the house today, do I need pepper spray and sharp keys in case I'm attacked in some way?
Letting all of my friends and family know the name, age, and appearance of my date, the place we're supposed to go, the place I'm being picked up, the licence plate number and car color, and anything other info that may be needed in case I'm kidnapped and left for dead
When I walk down the street am I going to be whistled at or otherwise objectified in my daily life?
Years of having all of our self worth being tied to whether or not we're deemed "desirable"
Do I have breast cancer or do they just look like that?
Wow, to be a super model *casually develops serious self esteem issues*
Literally bleeding through our clothing
All of this being presented in a mostly humorous manner as a coping mechanism and as solidarity, we're all in this shit hole of a world together
Things Only Guys Will Understand
Getting boners at random times
Getting boners at uncomfortable times
Getting boners for no reason
Boners hurting
An inability to pee straight
The fear that women will randomly accuse them of being evil, misogynistic douchebags or something along those lines
Morning boners
The sudden inability to get a boner when wanted
Penises shrinking in the pool???
Having to stand several urinals away lest you be mistaken for gay. 8 urinals and 4 are taken? Wait your turn. (Wtf, do you guys not have fucking STALLS????)
Being hairy????? (Guys, I'm sorry, but that's a choice right there)
"oh no my girlfriend/wife wants me to go sHoPpiNG😭😭😭R.I.P, bored af"
I'll be honest, I really don't get most of these, and the ones I do...I don't see the big deal
Peeing with a boner?
Toxic masculinity! (Completely valid guy problem! It's terrible! You guys deserve to have feelings! But that has, for the most part, been pushed for and carried on...by other guys. Over centuries. That's mostly on you guys to fix, sorry)
Women are crazy! Or taken! Or won't date me!!!
In that same vein, "nice guys finish last"
Women are so mean and evil
Their balls stick to their legs???
Often delivered either as jokes or as the most awful burdensome terrible experience ever endured by a human being
Now, it probably seems like I'm making fun here, right? Like I'm intentionally making it look like guys are just lazy, entitled, douchebags with no problems.
But here's the thing.
That's all stuff that guys, men, people of the male species WROTE. Those are their own, self described, terrible problems that women just can't fathom.
Guys, if any of you read this, please understand a few things. Women are not evil, but there are evil women. There ARE woman who will look for reasons to be offended, there ARE woman who will lie about you for attention, there ARE women who will treat you like shit, there ARE women are evil, nasty, violent, spiteful, vindictive, abusive, just truly AWFUL people.
But those women, why do not make up the majority, are not representative of ALL women. So if you choose to judge an entire group of people based off of the actions of a select few weeks have hurt you or others, you are narrow minded at least. At worst? Either just as awful as those women (depending on the offense of course), kinda sexist, or EXTREMELY judgmental.
Take for instance this, I have had TONS of guys treat me like shit, be abusive, belittle me, etc. "Friends", family members, significant others, people I rejected, so on. Most women would understand if I just flat out said that I hated men and renounced them as a collective, sticking them all into a box labeled as "abusers". But I don't do that. I may be wary of men, and I might still have trust issues in regards to them, but I generally try not to shut myself in a box of my own, so I understand the fact that the men that have hurt me do not and cannot represent an entire group of people as a whole
And before you come in with, "well women do the same things to men!" Our fear is based on actual statistical probability that men are the most likely group to hurt us, and the fact that culturally, we are often quite literally raised to fear men because of those statistics. Y'all's fear is based off of various "nice guys finish last" tropes as far as I know. So while, yes, there are truly awful women who hurt men, and belittle them, and dismiss them, and generalize about them. The abusers are not a majority. And the generalizers have like, an actual reason to generalize even if it's not entirely fair to you specifically.
Also like, fucking check yourselves. I'm giving a lot of "not all men" here but like, I know there'll be someone who can read all of this, have it all apply to him, and still think, "oh well I'm clearly not one of the assholes she's talking about, I'm a NICE GUY!" You sure about that? Really? Really really? Check. Multiple times. Evaluate yourself. Self reflect. Adjust yourself. My excuses do not apply to you.
Another thing, toxic masculinity was created BY MEN. Men are the ones who perpetuate the stereotype of the "True Man's Man" and force eachother to conform to being tough, emotionless, bricks ruled by anger, pride, and/or other equally dangerous things. It may not be your personal fault, but it is something that you personally can affect. You can choose to be who you want to be, and raise your sons differently. And if other guys try to ridicule you for that then I have to ask, are those really the people you WANT to have around? Or be like? People who'll bully you until you meet their absurd standards? Toxic masculinity is awful and you guys shouldn't EVER have to deal with it, but at the end of the day, it is something that, the majority of the time (I will fully acknowledge that there are women who help enforce it, those women are typically shit though, so do you really want them in your life either?), is enforced by men. That being the case, it's something that you all have to make an effort to fix yourselves. Women can help! They should! Women should be understanding of men's issues in society even if they seem like "less" by comparison to some women(they aren't). Because men's and women's issues are often interwoven and are best solved when tackled together. Women should make an effort to not encourage toxic masculinity in their friends, acquaintances, and family members. But again, it is something that men have to do a lot of the work for, because it's a men's issue that is mostly caused kept up by men.
Long story short
Men: please understand that women are not out to get you and that sometimes you need to look at the other side of things and that you shouldn't blame issues created by yourselves on others. Your problems are valid but like, please understand the difference between certain issues, and please understand that not everything is actually a problem (*cough* "girls don't like NiceGuys™ like me!!!!!!" *cough* you're actually not that great you narcissistic prick *cough*). And like, stop blaming women as a whole for the fact that you're single or unhappy, like, stop. It's pathetic. Also, y'all have like, actual problems but you all choose to talk about how inconvenient your genitalia is until someone brings up feminism and THEN y'all start to bring up, "but men have problems too!" You do, don't use them to shut down different conversations though wtf
Women: yes, being wary of men is valid. Generally distrusting or disliking them based off of your experiences is valid. But they're not born evil, if we can help things improve then we should where we can (but it's not our job to fix them, let me make that very clear! You do not have to fix a guy! Not your problem girlie, if he treats you like crap, please run away). And honestly, not all men (uck, I know) are dicks.
So yeah. Me rambling around midnight xvlxlffA
#rambles#feminism#sexism#men#women#things only women will understand#things only men with understand#gender#abuse tw#women problems#idk how to tag this tbh#and like i know there's more men's issue than just toxic masculinity#but like#i never see them on these lists#or generally talked about#like we all either need make both lists just fun or we talk need to discuss all of our problems
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howdy doody !! i’m nala ( she / her ) and this is my lil bub, yumi. she’s a revamped version of an older muse of mine that i haven’t had the opportunity to write in a loNg time, so i’m super excited to have her here. if you wanna plot, just tap that heart & i’ll come bug ya --- oK here we go !
important links: profile | pinterest | wanted connections.
DISPATCH: “who are you & what is one thing that people would know you for ?”
YUMI: hey; thanks for having me ! it’s such a pleasure to be here. anyway, to answer your question, i’m yumi, and i suppose i’m most well known for talking a lot ? i not only have a tendency to be very candid about things, but i’m pretty guilty of rambling, too. or it could be ... let’s sensor it and call it my “flirtatious” nature. society likes to shame women who embrace themselves, their bodies, their sexuality and libido. which is disgusting, if you ask me, but let’s move on. it’d be rude if i kept you here longer than necessary.
DISPATCH: “if there is one thing you could change about your career, what would it be ?”
YUMI: about my career ? i don’t think i’d change anything. sure, i’ve made mistakes along the way and i know i’ll continue to make them, but that’s how we grow. other than that, i know i’ve worked my ass off to continue moving up in the industry; doing everything i can to learn from those around me in order to perfect my craft. i’m proud of the things i’ve accomplished so far, and the times i’ve failed ... i wouldn’t change them for the world.
DISPATCH: “what are you willing to do to be in the top ten ?”
YUMI: that’s a good question, i’ve never really thought about it. yeah, i can be competitive, but i don’t ever want to become the kind of person who uses and / or steps on others in order to get ahead. all i can do is continue to work hard and be myself. if doing that gets me there, grand ! if it doesn’t, i don’t mind. i just want to show others that it’s okay to like what---and who---you like, to love and respect yourself. i want to inspire others to be creative and embrace who they truly are ... i don’t need to be in the top ten to do that.
KIM CHUNGHA. CISFEMALE. SHE / HER. ╱ ☆.｡.:* who is that on the charts? must be, AHN YUMI, the TWENTY-FOUR year old model. i heard they got their start in EARLY 2015 and one day hope to make a deal with VERA WANG. tmz said they can be VERBOSE and PROMISCUOUS, but their fans say they’re FORTHRIGHT and PHILOSOPHICAL. their fan accounts associate them with SILK DRESSES and WORN PAPERBACKS, and those seem to fit them pretty well. will they be at the top of the charts? let’s find out!
tw: brief mentions of death / car accident and abuse.
background info !
- born in seoul to two loving parents. as an only child, she was doted on a lot and life was amazing until she turned twelve ( 12 ) when she lost both parents in a horrible car accident.
- without having much time to grieve, yumi was shipped off to live with her maternal aunt in tennessee. that relationship wasn’t ... the greatest. yumi’s parents had always been supportive of her and encouraged her, but her aunt was the opposite. ( honestly, it was like she was cinderella and moved in with her evil step-mother ). her aunt loathed the attention yumi got from others and how she outshined her daughter and it wasn’t long before her aunt’s verbal abuse turned physical.
- yumi was silent about it for a year or so before it got so bad that she felt she needed to ask for help --- something which was totally out of character for the independent girl --- but it seemed ( to yumi ) that nobody wanted to help, so instead, she began lashing out. she talked back, she called her aunt out on her shit and she hoped that someone, anyone, would notice but again, help never came. not until she was sixteen, anyway.
- whilst “hanging” at the mall with her “family”, she was approached by a scout. of course, her aunt was adamant that yumi was nothing but a waste of time and space, so they should really be looking at her daughter instead, but the scout disagreed. in secret, she passed along her business card and the next day, yumi skipped school to meet with her.
- she spilled her guts about everything she had endured throughout her life since her parents’ passing and, because i don’t wanna bore you with any more details, the scout helped her get away. she was emancipated and took off to the city of dreams to begin working on her modeling career. she prepped herself and worked HARD for the next four years, eventually making her debut at age twenty ( 20 ).
headcanons !
let’s talk about her personality traits first and why i chose them ---
- verbose: using or expressed in more words than are needed. basically, yumi has a habit of rambling; a serious case of word vomit. especially when she gets started on a topic that elicits any sort of strong emotion from her, whether it be good or bad.
- promiscuous: having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships. as she slightly hints at in one of her interview questions, she’s known to have a relatively strong libido and she isn’t shy about it. with that being said, however, she refuses to have anything to do with someone who is already spoken for, even if they’re not exclusive with that person.
+ forthright: direct and outspoken; straightforward and honest. much to her manager’s dismay, she’s very open about ... well, practically everything. she talks about her experiences, her feelings, her beliefs and opinions, her desires and hopes for the future. she’s a big “what you see is what you get” kinda woman.
+ philosophical: having or showing a calm attitude towards disappointments or difficulties. granted, this more so rings true when said disappointments / difficulties are happening to her, considering she’s known to be super protective over others; including strangers. when it happens to her, tho, she’s known to just look at the situation, figure out a solution, proceed with said solution and move on. it’s hard for her to get stressed about things.
loves silk and lace. also, bodycon dresses & mini skirts --- yes pls. with a good heel, of course.
very flirtatious.
an uber gooey soft marshmallow who just wants to shower everyone with love and positivity.
does a LOT of charity work.
likes to read & play video games.
enjoys giving advice, talking to others & learning from them.
independent AF; would always prefer being the one who helps others, rather than the other way around.
doesn’t believe she’s the best person to be in the spotlight, given her personality.
sleeps with a stuffed owl because she needs to cuddle something, otherwise she can’t sleep.
LOVES the cold & hates being hot.
pansexual / panromantic.
... this has gotten way longer than i had wanted, so i’m just gonna leave it here. if you’ve read aNY of this ... ily more than life thank u <3333
#chart:intro#this is .. the Biggest mess n im sry abt that#my brain dont work when im tire D sldkfjgkjns
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Dating Kim Seungmin would include:
A/N: The original post got deleted and I didn’t save the finished product so I tried my best to modify my last draft of it. I apologize for any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope it’s still as good as the first one.
The OG A/N: You’re actually the first person to request this sadly. He needs more love ugh but I was already working on this on the side bc boy needs more content and I love him so much. Anyways thanks for requesting! I hope you like it!
~Admin Yeong ☾
Crush Phase:
He wants to talk to you he thinks you're absolutely stunning
But he’s scared he might mess upHe would try to hide his fear and nervousness as best as he could
You start to notice he slowly keeps standing closer and closer to you until one day he’s shoulder to shoulder with youTries to sit by you often The boys tease him a lot for it
He’s shy about starting a conversation but once he does he can’t stop smiling and the conversation becomes super easy
This makes it easy for you guys to become closer friends
He starts becoming the friend you can rely on and he’s always there for you when you need him
He’s had a crush on you since the start but now you’re close friends and he doesn't want to ruin that so he pushes his feelings for you aside not willing to take the risk since he doubts that someone like could ever fall for him poor baby
Confession:
Confession you ask him for relationship advice or about a crush and he puts himself in the guy’s shoes describing to you how he would treat you Then he accidentally lets it slip that he’s in love with you
He realizes that he totally outed himself and he just sits there silently, not moving an inch, his eyes wide looking everywhere but at you.
He starts rambling and apologizing out of his nervousness
“Oh god. Y/n I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Well I mean it I just didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I’m so sorry. I know you don’t feel the same so we can just pretend that it didn’t happen. I’m really sorry-”
“No-no-no. Seungmin, I like you too. I just thought you didn’t feel the same.”
“Oh. Wait, really?”
“Yea, I’ve liked you for awhile now.”
“Then uh, do you maybe want to go on date with me tomorrow.”
“I’d like that.”
Then he nods and quickly kisses your cheek and blushes.
Dating:
He doesn’t really know what he’s doing but somehow he does everything right and you can’t tell that he’s freaking out on the inside
Shy baby at first but becomes less shy as the relationship progresses
He’s honestly such a hopeless romantic
Cafe dates
Dates where you can do fun things together like roller skating or ice skating
Picnic dates
Ice cream dates
Cute bookstore dates
Just starting out in your relationship he’s nervous to do close affectionate things out of respect for you
You fell asleep while watching a movie in the dorms and he carries you to sleep in his bed and he sleeps on the floor
Kisses all over your face
Long sweet kisses
Holding hands but him being shy about it in front of others
So you discreetly hold pinkies
He’d trace your fingers
and compare his hand size to yours while cuddling
Nose kisses and lots of them
Cups your face when he kisses you
Loves it when he rests his head on your chest as you run your fingers through his hair and vice versa
Cuddles you like a teddy bear
Buries his head in the crook of your neck
Strokes your face admiring your features when you fall asleep in his arms
When you hug he’d gently lift up and sometimes spin you around causing you both to giggle
Calls you angel or baby or princess/prince
HE LOVES TO CALL YOU LOVEBUG
You guys always falling asleep on the couch in a tangled mess
Him setting up a blanket fort in his small bedroom so you two can cuddle and feel alone in this whole world.
Stealing kisses randomly
Like you’ll be in the middle of working on something and he’d just come up and kisses you then walks away blushing
ESKIMO KISSES
HE DOES THIS TO YOU ALL THE TIME ESPECIALLY WHILE CUDDLING
Making you flustered by backing you up and puts his hands on the wall and presses his forehead against yours (kind of like what he does with Jeongin) but then he gets super flustered too
His face lights up when he talks about you
It’s so cute
Having such a close connection with each other like
Automatically knowing when something was off with the other people
Sleepy pillowtalk
Sleepy ‘I loves you’s
It’s like 3am and you wake up to seungmin explaining all the reasons why he loves you
Constantly reminds you how much he loves you
Loves to get you flowers
Gets you obnoxiously large plushies
Getting you random gifts bc
“It reminded me of you.”
Adores you with all his being
Staring into each other’s eyes completely in love
Acts starstruck over you like he looks constantly shocked that he’s actually with someone like you he’s so in love
If you’re ever cold he’d offer himself like full on ‘let me cuddle you then you’ll be warm’
A parents’ dream future son-in-law
He’s so sweet, caring, and respectful towards you
who wouldn’t want a boy like that for their child
Being so encouraging and inspiring towards you
The boys teasing him calling him ‘lover boy’
He always looks at you like you’re the only person in the world
Wants to know everything about you
Being so comfortable with another to be vulnerable to one another
Matching lockscreens
Likes to get you random meaningful gifts
hiding small notes into your backpack so you can smile if you’re having a long day at school.
Plans the future
Wants to get a pet with you
Like any animal, he’s down as long as you raise them together
Planning trips together
Wanting to travel the world together
Lowkey pictures your guys' wedding in his mind all the time
Then y’all get into some serious conversations about how you guys will spend the rest of your lives together
Secretly has your contact info with his family name
You being close to Jeongin and Hyunjin
And they thrive on teasing you two
Binge watching tv shows
Binge watching crime tv show which leads to in-depth conversations on who’s the perpetrator
Watching romantic films together
Is one hundred percent down for an 80s’ movie marathon
He’d probably steal cute date and romantic ideas from them too
Like it’s your birthday and he recreates the final scene from Sixteen Candles where Sam and Jake are sitting across from each other with the birthday cake inbetween them
“Happy birthday, Y/n. Make a wish.”
“It already came true.”
Then you kiss
OMG SEUNGMIN BEING YOUR LLOYD DOBLER I HAVE LOST IT MY HEART HAS BEEN EVAPORATED
I love 80′s movies so much you don’t even know
Takes photos of you when you’re sleepy bc he thinks it’s adorable
One day he just random grabs one of his large hoodies and shoves it over your head
He takes cute photos of you when you’re not paying attention
And posts them everywhere
Being everyone’s relationship goals
You’re like a trending instagram couple
Y’all are cute and aesthetically pleasing together
Him feeling comfortable with you to be loud with and it’s something to cherish Sometimes he will act super animated it’s cute
Him serenading you randomly
Like if you come home and you feel like garbage cuddle up with this boy and he’ll sing to you
You say that you love a certain song
And later he’d start singing you that same song
Remembers everything about you
Asking you random questions
Like when watching a movie
“Who’s your favorite character?”
Or “if you were in their position what would you do?”
Or just hang out and he randomly asks what you have and haven’t done
He’d love to learn what you love to do
He’d make an attempt to try it
He’d also love it if you wanted to try singing or dancing he’d be so excited to teach you even if it’s a trainwreck
Teasing him about his diary IM NOT EVEN SORRY HE HAS A DIARY THAT SHIT IS TOO CUTE TO NOT GO A SECOND WITHOUT MENTIONING IT
He gives you the puppy eyes whenever you’re mad at him
Trying to make one another flustered but while doing so you make yourself flustered too
Hums you to sleep
Him being insecure and you are constantly reassuring him how amazingly talented and beautiful he is Stan him seriously!
May not look like it but he’s a strong protector when it comes to you
SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND
Gives you everything he has
So dedicated
Remembers your food orders
Notices the smallest things about you that no one else, not even you would notice them, until he brings it up
Y’all being overly happy together
THE STEREOTYPICAL NO YOU HANG UP FIRST
Occasionally chasing each other around
Playful like a puppy
Values your opinion
Jeongin singing “Seungmin and Y/n sitting in a tree”
Which then causes the other boys to join in
Seungmin is so sweet to you
Highkey moms you a lot
Takes care of you
If you're sick he’d cancel everything to come take care of you
Even if it was just a headache
Constantly make sure that you’re eating and taking care of yourself
He’s such a sweetheart who’s head over heels for you
Honestly husband material af
Send your requests here!
~Admin Yeong ☾
#stray kids#stray kids reactions#stray kids scenarios#stray kids imagines#stray kids headcanons#kpop#kpop reactions#kpop headcanons#kim seungmin#dating seungmin#boyfriend seungmin#dating would include#chan#woojin#minho#lee know#changbin#hyunjin#jisung#han#felix#seungmin#jeongin#i.n#requested#admin yeong
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Autistic!Jasnah: Masterpost
Okaaay, so, as you might have guessed from the title, this post is a long list of reasons Jasnah Kholin is autistic af.
The short version: Jasnah is autistic because I, a Known Autism, say so. Have a nice day.
The long version (format): A long series of chronological quotes that all follow this pattern: Quote. *Insert ramble about why this is an Autistic Thing* *Possible and probable further ramble about why I’m emotional about that.
That’s literally it, people. Buckle up, I’ve picked through all three books (yes all three) to compose this post for y’all. It’s not going to be short.
To business:
The Way of Kings:
Jasnah glanced at Shallan, noting her, then returned to her conversation.
Introducing Jasnah ‘I don’t have time for social niceties I’m busy’ Kholin. From the first interaction she’s...Bad at interacting. Iconic.
“Then we shall do an evaluation. Answer truthfully and do not exaggerate, as I will soon discover your lies. Feign no false modesty, either. I haven’t the patience for a simperer.”
Jasnah is both blunt, direct, and honest in her speech as she is in her expectations from others. She doesn’t have the energy to deal with manipulation/lying/tarting up the truth to make it more socially acceptable bc she is a busy autistic lady with shit to do. (really, though, what she’s literally demanding here is the first rule of the autistic’s guide to easy conversation. Clear. Simple. To the point. To frills, no fuss.)
Jasnah didn’t argue further, and Shallan could see from her eyes that it was of no consequence to her if the king risked his life. The same apparently went for Shallan, for Jasnah didn’t order her away.
People do what people want to do and Jasnah doesn’t waste any time pretending she cares/that it matters to her for the sake of appearances. Again, this woman has a vendetta against typical social niceties and I love it.
“Now?” the king said, cradling his granddaughter. “But we are going to have a feast—”
“I appreciate the offer,” Jasnah said, “but I find myself with an abundance of everything but time.”
Do I need to point out the lack of social niceties again or are y’all sensing a pattern at this point? *King lovingly embraces his darling granddaughter that Jasnah just saved and orders a feast prepared in her honour* Jasnah: ‘Thanks but no I’m too busy to socialise.’
Jasnah was also a rationalist, a woman with the audacity to deny the existence of the Almighty himself based on her own reasoning. Jasnah would appreciate strength, but only if it was shaped by logic.
Jasnah feelings>>>>>>logic. This is a fairly common theme, of Jasnah being ruled less by emotions/sentiment/societal pressures/expectations and much more by logic/her own reasoning. She has her own way of looking at the world, her own rules for how it works, and she won’t be swayed by anyone else’s opinions on how she should feel/behave.
Jasnah turned to look out of the balcony into the dark space of the Veil. “I know what people say of me. I should hope that I am not as harsh as some say, though a woman could have far worse than a reputation for sternness. It can serve one well.”
Jasnah not being very self-aware in how people actually perceive her is also an autistic thing. Shallan notes several times that Jasnah is actually nowhere near as harsh/stern as she’s reputed to me, and, more importantly, she’s nowhere near as harsh/stern as she perceives herself to be. She also fails to note that Shallan actually enjoys the work/the challenge. This also implies that she takes what people say about her at face value and doesn’t have the necessary social skills to refute them.
Shallan tried to judge Jasnah’s mood, but the older woman’s emotions were impossible to read.
Again, this is a fairly common autistic trait. We struggle to read other people’s body language, but they often struggle to read ours as well. A part of this is probably Jasnah deliberately cultivating this kind of persona, but even so, she’s too unsure of how she comes across to have completely mastered this.
Jasnah carefully removed its contents, neatly lining up the brushes, pencils, pens, jar of lacquer, ink, and solvent. She placed the stacks of paper, the notebooks, and the finished pictures in a line.
Oh look, it’s one of the world’s biggest Autism Stereotypes (which I’m totally guilty of too): lining all the things up neatly, and making them Orderly.
At least with Jasnah one knew where one stood.
Jasnah of the straightforward, blunt honesty and ‘what you see is what you get’ strikes again.
When Jasnah was deeply immersed in one of her projects, she often ignored all else.
And here we see the Autistic Jasnah in her natural habitat: hyperfixating on her special interest.
The rest is under the cut for length!
Jasnah had elegant handwriting, of course—Jasnah rarely did anything without taking the time to perfect it.
Jasnah not doing anything unless it’s done Properly and Right according to her? Also Jasnah being indifferent towards things she hasn’t put any time into perfecting (such as drawing).
“I always forgive curiosity, Your Majesty,” Jasnah said. “It strikes me as one of the most genuine of emotions.”
Again, Jasnah encouraging/reacting positively to genuine/honest emotions because she doesn’t Understand the whole guile/lying/not being honest thing because honestly what is the point?
“Must someone, some unseen thing, declare what is right for it to be right? I believe that my own morality—which answers only to my heart—is more sure and true than the morality of those who do right only because they fear retribution.”
Honestly, just, this whole thing. For a start it’s a massive transgression of the Vorin social norms/expectations, especially for Jasnah as a prominent public figure as the sister to the king. For another it’s that internal rules thing again. Jasnah’s world operates according to Jasnah’s principles and Jasnah’s understanding of it, no-one else’s.
But Shallan had caught a handful of occasions, mostly when Jasnah had been distracted, and had apparently forgotten she wasn’t alone.
*Jasnah ignores social expectations so hard she literally forgets other people exist in the world* Also, again, the hyperfixation on special interest.
“And yet, those men are off the street. The people of this city are that much safer. The issue that Taravangian has been so worried about has been solved, and no more theatergoers will fall to those thugs. How many lives did I just save?”
“I know how many you just took,” Shallan said.
Jasnah has a habit of doing this, this very cold, calculated, logical and pragmatic way of seeing the world as well as morality. Shallan considers the lives taken, the emotional aspect of the moral dilemma, the horror of murder. Jasnah just sees it almost as statistics, as four lives taken to save many more. Shallan also focuses on the cold hard facts of ‘I know how many people you just killed’ while Jasnah is engaged in weighing up the probability of how many she just saved. (In theory, the thugs might never have attacked anyone again, so Jasnah might not have saved anyone by her actions, which I think is what Shallan is getting at here. But that’s just...A moot point as far as Jasnah is concerned)
This is also an example of her black and white thinking. There’s more net good in what she did than there is net bad. That’s where her questioning/reasoning stops because it makes sense to her. Shallan exists in the grey area, but I don’t think Jasnah even sees it in cases like this.
But it wasn’t the act itself so much as the cold callousness of it that bothered her.
This is an interesting one, and something I’ll talk about more a bit later, probably, but the way Jasnah comes across vs how she actually is. I totally get why Shallan views what she did as cold and callous, and in a way I suppose it was. It was fully planned and fully intentional. But I think for her it’s this kind of...separation between logic and sentiment. I think Jasnah feels very strongly and very deeply, but she doesn’t often display that to other people, and I also think she believes there’s a time and a place for that. Also, black and white thinking again. It comes off as cold to Shallan, but for Jasnah I think it feels more like common sense.
“You only needed to kill one of them.”
“No, I didn’t,” Jasnah said.
“Why? They would have been too frightened to do something like that again.”
“You don’t know that. I sincerely wanted those men gone. A careless barmaid walking home the wrong way cannot protect herself, but I can. And I will.”
Again, black and white thinking. (I’m also surprised this moment doesn’t generate more Discourse...Or maybe it does, I’ve just avoided it, either way) This is both a case for Jasnah not being able to predict people’s responses/behaviours, and also black and white thinking/internal rules at play. As far as she’s concerned those men are criminals. She has no assurances that they won’t hurt anyone else again. They’re already criminals, and there’s no chance for redemption or leeway, here. She’s made up her mind. They’re all criminals. They’re all dangerous. They all die.
Jasnah closed her eyes again, handing the brush toward Shallan. “Fifty strokes tonight, Shallan. It has been a fatiguing day.”
A)- routines the ‘tonight’ and the familiarity of this implies it’s something that happens every night. And the ‘fifty strokes’ is either another routine related thing, or an internal rule thing. Either way. Also this is probably a stim thing, since she’s using it to relax/de-stress.
Jasnah tapped her desktop with a fingernail.
Stimming.
“Brightness Jasnah does NOT like people entering her room. The maids have been told not to clean in there.” The king had promised that his maids were very carefully chosen, and there had never been issues of theft, but Jasnah still insisted that none enter her bedchamber.
Definitely, definitely, definitely an autistic thing. Issues with people entering Your Spaces or touching Your Things is a big autistic thing. (especially because the assurances about thieving don’t change her mind) Also the emphasis on not as in ‘this is a thing one absolutely does not do unless one wishes to die’.
“She’d believe me,” Shallan said. “She thinks she’s far more demanding than she is. Or…well, she is demanding. I just don’t mind as much as she thinks I do.”
Again, Jasnah taking what people say of her/how they say they perceive her at face value, and also lack of self-awareness in how people actually respond to her.
Jasnah regarded Shallan, face stiff, impassive. “I have been told that my tutelage is demanding, perhaps harsh. This is one reason why I often refuse to take wards.”
“I apologize for my weakness, Brightness,” Shallan said, looking down.
Jasnah seemed displeased. “I did not mean to suggest fault in you, child. I was attempting the opposite. Unfortunately I’m…unaccustomed to such behavior.”
Two things here: one, I’m like, 99% certain that Jasnah, who has been camped out at the hospital all this time waiting for Shallan to wake up is feeling anything but ‘impassive’ at this moment, in which case this is an example of her body language/facial expressions not matching up properly to her actual internal feelings, which is fairly common. And two: Jasnah’s apology being taken for a rebuttal and her obvious displeasure at it coming across that way when she literally intended the opposite (been there).
Also her general air of uncertainty/discomfort in this setting, which is one that’s obviously social/emotional. Also the fact that she pins her poor apology on lack of practice/familiarity with these kinds of interactions when, in theory, these kinds of things should come naturally to people. So like, lil bit of hinting/implication of scripting social things her, which I think her initial words reek of as well, as she’s said similar things before.
“You make it sound as if you were waiting out there.”
Jasnah didn’t reply.
“But your research!”
“Can be done in the hospital waiting chamber.” She hesitated. “It has been somewhat difficult for me to focus these last few days.”
“Jasnah! That’s quite nearly HUMAN of you!”
Again, a few things here, firstly that Jasnah is othered in a way by Shallan (and this isn’t the only time this happens, either) because of her lack of emotional response/social stuff. Secondly the fact that she’s clearly uncomfortable/struggles with this kind of conversation – the hesitation, the lack of responses are very much at odds with her usual composure and the way she has an answer for literally everything.
Words of Radiance:
She was all too glad to be leaving the stuffy room, which stank of too many perfumes mingling.
Prologue and we’ve already got Jasnah experiencing sensory issues in a crowded room with lots of perfume. What a way to kick things off.
“Many people consider that sort of thing enjoyable.”
“Many people, unfortunately, are idiots.”
Her father smiled. “Is it terribly difficult for you?” he asked softly. “Living with the rest of us, suffering our average wits and simple thoughts? Is it lonely to be so singular in your brilliance, Jasnah?”
A)- Jasnah obviously not enjoying social events/parties (she literally spends all of this one...contemplating the assassination she’s plotting. Like. Mood.)
B)- Gavilar’s comment is...Strangely sad, I think?? And perhaps a bit too on point. (This is very much just my reading of things but)...I don’t know. I see Jasnah trying to make a little quip/a joke here and it being misinterpreted because of her tone. And then, again, there’s that idea of othering that came up at the end of TWOK.
But I think the ‘is it lonely to be so singular in your brilliance?’ I think that....A huge part of that ‘brilliance’ comes from a mixture of Jasnah’s autistic traits: her special interest/her focus in them/her dedication to pursuing them...but also that sense of being other. Of not fitting in. The rest of “us” she doesn’t belong, she doesn’t fit.
And I think this idea of their ‘simple thoughts’ as opposed to Jasnah’s brilliant ones is a little like what we see with Renarin in Oathbringer, where Adolin explains that he isn’t trying to be lofty and brilliant, people sometimes just have difficulty following him. And I think this is what’s happening with Jasnah here (and in other places, she frequently talks about the difficulty she has in teaching, and how her methods are too intense and involved)
And also I think that....The saddest bit about this is that I think she was....Trying to joke here? Trying to fit in with those ordinary people, ‘the rest of us’, and just making a sarcastic joke on the back of her father’s comment about most people enjoying parties and she just sort of ‘well, most people are idiots aren’t they?’ And that’s what prompts this little moment here. So even when she’s trying to fit, and trying to belong, she’s still cast as the outcast, and misunderstood, and othered and it Hurts Me.
I, she thought, need to write this experience down.
She would do so, then analyze and consider. Later.
She literally topples into another world, effectively, and is just like ‘hm, I should make some notes on this and analyse them’. And. Yep. This is how she processes the world. By making sense of it, by treating everything according to Jasnah’s rules: it gets written down. It gets analysed. It gets understood. Bam.
Jasnah ignored the eyes of the sailors. It wasn’t that she didn’t notice men. Jasnah noticed everything and everyone. She simply didn’t seem to care, one way or another, how men perceived her.
Jasnah ‘I don’t have time for social expectations’ Kholin strikes again. Jasnah also just doesn’t care how anyone perceives her, social norms and expectations can go fuck themselves .
Jasnah grimaced at the thought. Shallan was always surprised to see visible emotion from her. Emotion was something relatable, something human—and Shallan’s mental image of Jasnah Kholin was of someone almost divine.
Again, the othering idea, as well as visible emotion being startling, as she’s typically so withdrawn/closed off/difficult to read. Yes friend, u guessed it, this is Peak Autism. Also the specific word in it being ‘relatable’ again marks that difference between Jasnah and...Everyone else. Again she’s different, again she doesn’t quite fit.
Jasnah relaxed visibly. “Yes, well, it did seem a workable solution. I had wondered, however, if you’d be offended.”
“Why on the winds would I be offended?”
“Because of the restriction of freedom implicit in a marriage,” Jasnah said.
Again, Jasnah misreading things/not being able to anticipate how people are going to react to different things. Also her view of marriage as ‘restricting’ says a lot about how she sees it/probably relationships in general.
Power is an illusion of perception.”
Shallan frowned.
“Don’t mistake me,” Jasnah continued. “Some kinds of power are real—power to command armies, power to Soulcast. These come into play far less often than you would think. On an individual basis, in most interactions, this thing we call power—authority—exists only as it is perceived.
“You say I have wealth. This is true, but you have also seen that I do not often use it. You say I have authority as the sister of a king. I do. And yet, the men of this ship would treat me exactly the same way if I were a beggar who had convinced them I was the sister to a king. In that case, my authority is not a real thing. It is mere vapors—an illusion. I can create that illusion for them, as can you.”
This right here is Jasnah explaining passing, without ever using the word ‘passing’. This is how Jasnah sees social interactions. They’re all illusions, they’re all, effectively, lies. They aren’t real to her. How people perceive others isn’t something that she can fit into her box of neat facts and logic. It’s this ever changing, insubstantial thing, ‘mere vapours’. And though she’s talking here about power and authority, the basic principle applies to literally every single social interaction ever. Aka: the secret behind how Jasnah Kholin (somehow) managed to convince ppl she’s allistic.
The orders of knights were a construct, just as all society is a construct, used by men to define and explain. Not every man who wields a spear is a soldier, and not every woman who makes bread is a baker. And yet weapons, or baking, become the hallmarks of certain professions.”
Actual footage of Jasnah Kholin going to war against social constructs and their flimsiness.
It was a picture of Jasnah, drawn by Shallan herself. Shallan had given it to the woman after being accepted as her ward. She’d assumed Jasnah had thrown it away—the woman had little fondness for visual arts, which she considered a frivolity.
Instead, she’d kept it here with her most precious things.
This is one of my favourite Underrated Jasnah Moments tbh because it says so much about her with such a simple gesture. We’ve established from the past book and a half that Jasnah is pretty bad when it comes to social interactions, and she’s even worse when it comes to displaying her emotions. But she’s not emotionless. She, personally, doesn’t see the value in visual arts, and hasn’t dedicated any time to it herself. Yet she keeps the gift that Shallan gives her. She understands how important this is to Shallan, and she quite literally treasures the art that Shallan gives her, and keeps it with her precious research/notes (and, like, Symbolism with her keeping her sentimental gifts and logic fuelled research in the same place/with the same level of importance/value, except one is hidden, and one is displayed)
And, like, Shall literally assumes Jasnah had just thrown away the picture?? And instead she’s got it kept safe with her most treasured possessions? Like??? The TL;DR version of this point is that Jasnah is horrendous at displaying her emotions/showing people how she feels about them/what they mean to her, but she feels things, goddammit. And now so am I.
What of this Sadeas? she thought, flipping to a page in the notebook. It listed him as conniving and dangerous, but noted that both he and his wife were sharp of wit. A man of intelligence might listen to Shallan’s arguments and understand them.
Aladar was listed as another highprince that Jasnah respected. Powerful, known for his brilliant political maneuvers. He was also fond of games of chance. Perhaps he would risk an expedition to find Urithiru, if Shallan highlighted the potential riches to be found.
Hatham was listed as a man of delicate politics and careful planning. Another potential ally. Jasnah didn’t think much of Thanadal, Bethab, or Sebarial. The first she called oily, the second a dullard, and the third outrageously rude.
She studied them and their motivations for some time.
Right. Now. Correct my autistic ass if I’m wrong, here, but I’m like 89% certain that ‘taking notes on the basic personalities/literally studying the people around you and making notes on the way they behave so you can actually understand them’ is not a typical allistic thing to do.
Shallan turned back toward him. That pride in his voice didn’t at all match what Jasnah had written of the man.
Jasnah can literally predict the oncoming apocalypse by the power of research, can she pin down some basic Facts about the people she’s observing around her? Nope. I wonder why.
“She wouldn’t let me be a mother to her, Dalinar,” Navani said, staring into the distance. “Do you know that? It was almost like . . . like once Jasnah climbed into adolescence, she no longer needed a mother. I would try to get close to her, and there was this coldness, like even being near me reminded her that she had once been a child. What happened to my little girl, so full of questions?”
Two things: one, this is probably (agonisingly) relating to whatever trauma Jasnah experienced as a child and I’ve got Painful Emotions about it. Secondly, Jasnah being very mature for her age/shucking Navani’s influence because it wasn’t what she thought she needed/wanted is, like, not exactly the most tactful/self-aware/socially conscious thing in the entire universe.
“You’re still human,” Shallan said, reaching across, putting her hand on Navani’s knee. “We can’t all be emotionless chunks of rock like Jasnah.”
Navani smiled. “She sometimes had the empathy of a corpse, didn’t she?”
Oh look, it’s canon low!empathy Jasnah: from the words of her own mother no less.
(Also, small note here, as a low!empathy autistic myself: I really love the way Jasnah is written because it complements my own understanding of empathy which is...Fairly complicated. Jasnah isn’t just like none and done here. It’s not that she just doesn’t feel empathy so she doesn’t care? She isn’t characterised as this brutal, unfeeling, robotic ice queen. There are a lot of nuances and complexities here as to how she relates to those around her and I love it.
She obviously loves her family very deeply, and is driven to protect and help them (in a very practical, logical way I might add. Which is typically how I relate to care/love as well. You want a shoulder to cry on? I’m going to sit there awkwardly, pat you on the head, and hope you stop soon. There’s a practical solution to your current problem? Heaven and earth will be moved to achieve it.) She keeps Shallan’s drawing, even treasures it. And I think that she obviously....Feels her lack of feeling (if that makes sense)
See: the hospital scene with Shallan where she attempts to apologise. She’s...Uncomfortable with the emotional aspect of things, and she’s completely wrong about Shallan’s intentions, and actually her actions as well. There’s a block there with the empathy...But that’s obviously something that doesn’t exactly...Sit right with her? She’s quite self-depreciating in that scene, actually, and it’s clear (to me, anyway) that there’s the sense of her being aware that there’s something...Missing. Something that...Doesn’t quite line up. Something that makes her different and stops her relating to people perhaps in the way that she wants to.
Anyway: don’t equate lack of empathy with lack of love: a novel by Brandon Sanderson. God bless. Intentional or not, this is one of the most relatable low!empathy characters I’ve ever read and I’m here for it.
“Chana knows, I wondered sometimes how I raised that child without strangling her. By age six, she was pointing out my logical fallacies as I tried to get her to go to bed on time.”
Shallan grinned. “I always just assumed she was born in her thirties.”
“Oh, she was. It just took thirty-some years for her body to catch up.” Navani smiled. “I won’t take this from you, but neither should I allow you to attempt a project so important on your own. I would be part. Figuring out the puzzles that captivated her . . . it will be like having her again. My little Jasnah, insufferable and wonderful.”
Again, a few things here: this concept of autistic children being far more mature/behaving like ‘little adults’ is actually pretty common. Also the puzzle-solving thing is just. Relatable.
Oathbringer
“Brightness?” Shallan said. “But … Shardblades aren’t fabrials. They’re spren, transformed by the bond.”
“As are fabrials, after a manner of speaking,” Jasnah said. “You do know how they’re made, don’t you?”
“Only vaguely,” Shallan said. This was how their reunion went? A lecture? Fitting.
Jasnah is believed dead for months on end, reunites with Shallan after who knows how long: immediately starts infodumping to her. Shallan:.......’Figured.’
People were always surprised to see emotion from Jasnah, but Dalinar considered that unfair. She did smile—she merely reserved the expression for when it was most genuine.
Jasnah back at it with the only bothering with emotions when they’re genuine. (Also Dalinar getting all indignant about people not understanding Jasnah/mischaracterising her is my favourite)
“They will try,�� Jasnah said, “to define you by something you are not. Don’t let them. I can be a scholar, a woman, a historian, a Radiant. People will still try to classify me by the thing that makes me an outsider. They want, ironically, the thing I don’t do or believe to be the prime marker of my identity. I have always rejected that, and will continue to do so.”
Obviously she’s talking about her heresy here, but with a tiny smidge of tweaking it works well for her being autistic, too. She will always be a little bit different, always not fit, always be defined by being an outsider.
“In the face of such an atrocity, I would consider the sacrifice of one or more Heralds to be a small price.”
“Storms!” Kaladin said, standing up straight. “Have you no sympathy?”
“I have plenty, bridgeman. Fortunately, I temper it with logic. Perhaps you should consider acquiring some at a future date.”
Again on the feelings tempered by logic, thing. (Also Kaladin/Jasnah is interesting because they’re basically....polar opposites, and I enjoy the dynamic. But that’s for another day.)
“If you wish, Captain,” Jasnah snapped, “I can get you some mink kits to cuddle while the adults plan. None of us want to talk about this, but that does not make it any less inevitable.”
“I’d love that,” Kaladin responded. “In turn, I’ll get you some eels to cuddle. You’ll feel right at home.”
Jasnah, curiously, smiled.
Jasnah: approves of frank, honest comments. Even if they’re mildly insulting. As long as they’re genuine.
They didn’t talk tactics too specifically; that was a masculine art, and Dalinar would want his highprinces and generals to discuss the battlefields. Still, Shallan didn’t fail to notice the tactical terms Jasnah used now and then.
In things like this, Shallan had difficulty understanding the woman. In some ways, Jasnah seemed fiercely masculine. She studied whatever she pleased, and she talked tactics as easily as she talked poetry. She could be aggressive, even cold—Shallan had seen her straight-up execute thieves who had tried to rob her. Beyond that … well, it probably was best not to speculate on things with no meaning, but people did talk. Jasnah had turned down every suitor for her hand, including some very attractive and influential men. People wondered. Was she perhaps simply not interested?
All of this should have resulted in a person who was decidedly unfeminine. Yet Jasnah wore the finest makeup, and wore it well, with shadowed eyes and bright red lips. She kept her safehand covered, and preferred intricate and fetching styles of braids from her hairdresser. Her writings and her mind made her the very model of Vorin femininity.
Jasnah just not caring about social/cultural gender norms. Jasnah does what Jasnah wants. But also, gender roles, and tbh the entire concept of gender, is a social construct, it’s something a lot of autistic folks struggle with. (Also non-binary/agender!Jasnah just, as a fun little aside)
“Surely,” she said softly, “if Jasnah had known that I’d just confronted a deep insecurity of mine, she’d have shown some empathy. Right?”
“Jasnah?” Pattern asked. “I do not think you are paying attention, Shallan. She is not very empathetic.”
A)- Jasnah probably didn’t notice and B)- low!empathy Jasnah again.
Jasnah rubbed her temples. “Storms. This is why I never take wards.”
“Because they give you so much trouble.”
“Because I’m bad at it. I have scientific evidence of that fact, and you are but the latest experiment.” Jasnah shooed her away, rubbing her temples.
‘I have scientific evidence of the fact I’m not good at mentoring/teaching/with people in general’ actual quote from Jasnah herself. Also, just, the language here? The mentoring/taking of wards is an intimate social relationship in Vorin culture, but the way Jasnah speaks of it she uses words like ‘scientific evidence’ and ‘experiment’ which says a lot about how she views relationships in general tbh.
Also, I think her self-consciousness is something that’s interesting to note. This isn’t the first time she questions her teaching abilities/methods, in fact it’s one of her biggest and most obvious insecurities, it’s something that she’s very aware of. She knows she’s bad at this, and it bothers her.
“Ivory, you think all humans are unstable.”
“Not you,” he said, lifting his chin. “You are like a spren. You think by facts. You change not on simple whims. You are as you are.”
She gave him a flat stare.
“Mostly,” he added. “Mostly. But it is, Jasnah. Compared to other humans, you are practically a stone!”
[…]
“Jasnah?” Ivory asked. “Am I … in error?”
“I am not so much a stone as you think, Ivory. Sometimes I wish I were.”
And again with Jasnah being factual-based when it comes to her decisions ,and emotions based when it comes to her motivations. Jasnah Kholin feels things so deeply I will physically fight you over this matter. Also, given what we’ve seen, it definitely seems as though Ivory/Inkspren/Jasnah’s ideals are concerned with logic/reason/rightness, and that being a defining aspect of her/her order is interesting in the context of her being autistic.
Renarin still lurked at the far side of the room, mumbling to himself. Or perhaps to his spren? She absently read his lips.
Since, as far as we know, Jasnah isn’t deaf/hoh, the lip reading is something she acquired for other purposes. Probably as part of her paranoia/wish to protect her family, but it’d also probably help with auditory processing disorder. Which is basically where your ears hear words fine, but your brain scrambles them up and fails to make sense of them. Also a lot of autistic folks (self included) tend to watch people’s mouths instead of their eyes (bc eye contact Sucks) and I’m not saying I can lip-read, but if I could it’d definitely make life easier.
But when, before this, had she last heard him laugh?
“Maybe,” Navani said, “we should encourage him to take a break and go out with the bridgemen for the evening.”
“I’d rather keep him here,” Jasnah said, flipping through her pages. “His powers need additional study.”
Navani would talk to Renarin anyway and encourage him to go out more with the men. There was no arguing with Jasnah, any more than there was arguing with a boulder. You just stepped to the side and went around.
Jasnah being completely and utterly oblivious to the hidden agenda/undercurrent to Navani’s thoughts which is ‘Renarin is comfortable with the men/is enjoying himself with them, maybe we should encourage that?’ and just responds to her mother’s words and nothing else. The boulder analogy makes me laugh (but also recalls what Ivory said about her being ‘stone’ which is, again, a kind of othering, a setting apart of the ‘normal’ humans, based on how she emotes/deals with things/processes fact.
I’m sorry, Mother. I’ve been dealing with a lot of lesser ardents today. My didactic side might have inflated.”
“You have a didactic side? Dear, you hate teaching.”
“Which explains my mood, I should think. I—”
A lot of autistic folk find it difficult to teach people, largely because, if they explain something in a certain way, away in which they understand, they have trouble rephrasing it/altering it to make other people understand it as well. Can definitely, definitely see Jasnah struggling with this.
Jasnah preferred to work alone, which was odd, considering how good she was at getting people to do what she wanted.
This shocks me to my very core so it does.
Next to her, Jasnah stood with arms wrapped around herself, eyes red. Navani reached toward her, but Jasnah pulled away from the others and stalked off toward the palace proper.
Oh look, it’s touch!averse Jasnah. (she’s really not very touchy feely at all) Also Jasnah not knowing how to deal with her emotions/grief and withdrawing from people around her. Also I’m calling the arms wrapped around herself as a pressure stim. Fight me.
Jasnah met his eyes, chewing her lip as she’d always done as a child.
Jasnah having anxious!stims (that she probably forced herself to unlearn)
“Forget I asked,” Dalinar said, sharing a look with Navani and Jasnah. Navani smiled fondly at what was probably a huge social misstep, but he suspected Jasnah agreed with him. She’d probably have seized the banks and used them to fund the war.
Jasnah ‘fuck your social niceties, I have a war to win’ Kholin.
Suddenly they were young again. He was a trembling child, weeping on her shoulder for a father who didn’t seem to be able to feel love. Little Renarin, always so solemn. Always misunderstood, laughed at and condemned by people who said similar things about Jasnah behind her back.
Mm, who else was ‘solemn’ as a child? Maybe ‘correcting logical fallacies at age six’ ‘no longer needed a mother when she reached adolescence’ Jasnah. And, like, ‘people mock Renarin for his autistic traits...Jasnah is also mocked for having these exact same traits.’ It’s basically canon, people.
Jasnah fell to her knees, then pulled Renarin into an embrace. He broke down crying, like he had as a boy, burying his head in her shoulder.
Also, the fact that Renarin instinctively went to Jasnah for comfort, not Navani, who eagerly mothers literally everyone around her, or anyone else, he went to Jasnah ‘empathy of a corpse, made of literal stone’ Kholin for comfort and support tells me something. It tells me that these two had an understanding. That Jasnah understood Renarin, and that Renarin understood Jasnah, and that there perhaps a reason for that that has to do with their shared brain weirdness.
This is also the first time, as I recall, that Jasnah responds with physical affection. (And this doesn’t undermine what I said about her being touch!averse, she is, but a)- she initiates this contact and b)- it’s with someone she’s clearly comfortable with this level of contact)
Jasnah glanced over her shoulder at the gathering army. “And perhaps … this is one time when a lecture isn’t advisable. With all my complaints about not wanting wards, you’d think I would be able to resist instructing people at inopportune times. Keep moving.”
I have said it before and I will say it again, Jasnah infodumping to an exhausted Shallan in the middle of a fucking battlefield is the most autistic thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life.
These had always been right. Until today—until they had proclaimed that Jasnah Kholin’s love would fail.
And, to summarise it all neatly, Jasnah Kholin, empathy of a corpse, heart of a boulder, whose love in the end never failed her. *wipes tear* my beautiful autistic queen is good and full of love and feeling but just being really bad at showing it to people. We do not deserve her.
TL;DR: Jasnah is autistic af. It’s basically canon. Fight me.
#jasnah kholin#renarin kholin#shallan davar#dalinar kholin#navani kholin#Oathbringer#Brandon Sanderson#Stormlight Archive#Oathbringer Spoilers#text post tag#autistic!Jasnah#jasnah meta#stormlight archive meta#cosmere meta#my meta#headcanons#my headcanons#jasnah headcanon#agender!jasnah#might as well tag that too#long post#actuallyautistic#autistic headcanons
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what you think of leorio character many people said he annoying but in the manga he was show to be great ally who was strong, reliable and caring individual compare to the remake they made his character less likeable
thebae!!
Jfc Ilove him. I love him a lot, he’s such a great character. But ye, 2011 did himdirty. I personally loved him when i watched the 2011 anime, but when I readthe manga I realized how much the anime seriously shitted on him. He’s evenmore likeable in the Manga and he deserved far better.
Igenerally need more precise question to start rambling, but i’ll try from thispoint. But this will be a little more confusing that general (and i got tired toward the end so i stopped) but here.
And i’ll put it under cut because it’s Leorio and i’ll ramble.
Thething is that, Leorio has a position in the manga that is mostly the one of thecaretaker - a trope that is much more often attributed to women in Shounen.He’s the doctor guy, he’s the one who doesn’t show off his powers all thatmuch, who’s a little late in comparison to the others, who usually have a brutestrength with his medical knowledge. But he’s also often therefore the one toemotionally react to the plot and what happens around him.
And people hates thiskind of archetype. People call this kind of character useless when they areextremely important and inspirational.
Leoriois the everyman. Out of the four main characters, he’s the one the audience canrelate to. How many jokes are there out there of Leorio attempting a deadlyexam with just a knife just to pay his school bills? An icon.
Butlike…. That’s why it’s important?
Thereforehe’s the one who’s actions are the most grounded in reality, in real life’shardship. The other main three stories are really specific to its genre, butLeorio’s? Anyone could have Leorio’s backstory.
Whathe makes out of it is inspirational and gives a lot of heart to his actionstoward his friends. He is a support, he is helping. He’s doing everything hecan by his own means.
Andwhen he’s trying to catch up with the other ones who are ways too unreal? Hegives his everything, he faces the problem right in the eyes and refuse to runaway.
Morethan being useless, the worst thing I think i’ve ever read about Leorio isthat “he’s a coward”. In which fucking universe?
Leoriois always ready to fight. He was ready to attack that old lady for askingsomething as absurd and careless as saying you would have to give up on yourdaughter or your son. He’s admirable because he fights for what is right, forwhat is supposed to be. If Gon won just because he didn’t know what to answer,and that Kurapika found the answer, Leorio won because he would refuse it toeven happen in a possible scenario. And even if it’s a grandma, we’re talkingabout an examinator of the Hunter Exam. It could have ruined Leorio’s life, butthere was no way he could let it fly.
Whenthey met the Kiriko, he stayed behind to help one of them in the house, andreassured him. Where is that a coward to you? He acted like a doctor, he tookcare of him more quickly than anyone, and especially he showed care, and didn’tonce think his friends couldn’t handle it. He has an undying loyauty to thepeople he likes.
He fucking went back to fight Hisokaafter Hisoka murdered a lot of people. Because he couldn’t run while saidinjustice was happening right in front of his eyes. He could have died, but hedidn’t want to just run away for his own safety. Reckless? Yes. Coward?no.
Notto mention on Zevil’s Island, how he wanted to get against Ponzu alone, becausehe didn’t want to hurt anyone else, and he actually asked the other ones to leavehim if any problem came to happen. Because Leorio values others better thanhimself.
Meanwhilepeople forget that the only reason he went to York New was to see his friendsagain. Kurapika was there for the Troupe, Killua and Gon for the game, Leorio? Onlyfor them. And especially, he went unaware Killua and Gon were looking for a game,but aware that if they reunite, they will be running after Serial Killers. He knewthat. And he helped them as much as he could in that situation,t o the point ofhunting down the Troupe while actually Nenless, and fucking challenging themwhen he plays bait in order to save Gon and Killua. He also manages to calmdown Kurapika when Kurapika almost snaps at Chrollo.
Leorio’scourage and bravery had been the heart of his character. He has an undyingloyauty for his friends, and is fighting for what he thinks is right. How isthat a bad thing? How is that a coward?
When it comes about himbeing “useful/useless” first, I completely hate this term in general.People aren’t things to use. Their worth isn’t found in whenever or not they make themselves useful. Their worth is in their actions and what they decide to do.
Leorioalways decided to do the right thing.
Themost important point of Leorio’s storyline is that, at his heart, it’s a storyof a past-trauma which recovery had been healthy. When you compare to the otherthree who all live very badly their current and past trauma, Leorio is the onewho got traumatized and got something good out of it. He forced himself in apath in which he could help other people again. He recovered as much as hecould, and he dedicated himself to others. He’s doing what is right, what isjust.
Ina story that has such heavy stories of Trauma, someone like him is important inthe group. He’s a representation of how things can get better, how things willget better. He encourages them in a good direction when he can. He’s a caringand wonderful character.
Butfans, they don’t care about it. They want to see blood, they want to seesomeone be punched. It’s no surprise a lot of people saying they dislike Leoriosay the only thing they like him for is for punching Ging. It’s because thosepeople don’t value anything else than Leorio’s strength and ability to kickass. Which to me is fucked up because it’s not the most important part ofLeorio’s character.
It’sno wonder the most focus we had on Leorio is the Election arc – an arcultimately based on more profound actions to help on the long term. Leorio’s spotlights is on his words, on howhe wants to help the people he loves, and how he feels like he doesn’t belongthere.
Leoriodidn’t get to first place just because it was funny he punched Ging. In a worldof secrecy and selfishness like the one of the hunters, Leorio distinguishedhimself by not only not caring about showing his powers, but by also beingextremely opened about what he wants. What he calls being selfish, which isjust to take as much care as possible for his friends. It’s because of thatthat the Hunter World ends up believing and cheering for him. Because he’s notjust brawn and no brain – he’s a man who’s driven by his heart, and will alwaysdo the right thing when he has to do it. Someone who will fight for it, even ifhe has to antagonize himself (or so he wishes), in order to help others.
It’swhy everyone ended up cheering for him, that’s why having him in the Zodiac wasa clever political move from Cheadle. Because Leorio is actively being arepresentative of how much you can care about someone.
Onlyjudging him on his strength and his powers is doing a major disservice to hischaracter who is much, much more than that.
Somethingalso a few people seems to forget: at the end of the Heaven Arena Arc, Wingtells Killua and Gon that Leorio won’t be approached by a potential Nen teacheruntil he passed his med school exam, which he passed after the York New arcwhen he left. However, when Killua and Gon meet with Leorio again, Leorio tellsthem he mastered Ten. And he actually thinks he mastered all Nen, which makesme think no one actually told him about his training. Meaning he did that alone.
Inthe year between the York New Arc and the Election Arc, Leorio passed hisexams, and learned Nen, in a very complex way. Remember how in the Greed IslandArc, there was a guy who could also use an Emitter technique on his punch topunch someone? Except that to do that,he had to be in a limited space that he would have determined with his Nen,otherwise he wouldn’t be able to actually project his punch.
Leoriocan do that whenever he wants. Wherever he wants. Ging explains that histechnique is actually really complex and based on the vibration of the groundand of human being. It takes a lot of science understanding to come to thatwithout setting conditions. Not to mention, his technique was originallysettled in order to find out tumors into people’s body and heal them withouthaving to open the body, therefore reducing the cost of an operation.
Howis that not Badass?? Leorio took a concept we saw in the show assomething limited, that couldn’t be done freely, and showed that he couldand he would and he would do that to punish mean people and save people. How is that not amazing?
Thebest in all of that, is that Leorio had always been strong. Stronger thanKurapika and Gon in fact. And there it comes into what the anime deleted andsadly people aren’t aware of. But Leorio is stronger than Gon and Kurapika – interm of strength, he can lift 4 tons, he’s muscular af. He could break the armof a mafia guy during the arm wrestling contests. Leorio is extremely strong,which is already incredible.
He’sjust in an universe where people use other way to be strong. A way he ended upcatching up on.
Andit’s not to mention that he’s extremely streetwise. The guy knows a lot aboutthe underground, about how to get what he wants. The guy is completely rulingthe auctions, and Killua even look up to him for that. Leorio is very good atgetting what he wants, and he always find clever ways to achieve it.
Theanime deleted all of that though. And that’s really pissing me off. Leorioactively works in order to help the kids to get the money to Greed Island – he’sthe one who establish them with a link to the mafia, he’s the one who iswatching over the auction, he’s the one who gets the information to find theTroupe. When Kurapika loses it, he’s the one to fix the situation, he’s the onewho plays bait with the Troupe, he’s the one who stop Kurapika from beingreckless, he’s the one who helps Kurapika feel better after he collapsed fordays. Remove Leorio from the York New arc and everything would have gone wrong.
Itjust baffles me that people can’t accept just genuinely kind and caringcharacters if they don’t kickass the way they want them to do it. Not everycharacters need to be a war-machine. And honestly, in a story that put so muchefforts into showing that the violence in which Gon, Kurapika and Killua engagethemselves into, is actually extremely hurtful and has consequences, I don’tsee how one can be mad at Leorio for not being like that either?
Leoriois an extremely interesting character. He holds a lot of himself inside, hefears sometimes of not being enough, but he tries. He always tries andhe always try to manage as much as possible.
Ijust don’t get what is there not to like? He can be harsh at first, but like.He’s still a teen? He evolved a lot in between the first hunter exam and theelection arc – he became more mature, more grounded. He’s achieving his goal,which is hella neat?
He’slikeable and fun. He learns a lot during the course of the manga.
I’mgetting a little tired and I’m going to repeat myself if I keep going, but I exploredmore of my thoughts there, there, there and there.
Iramble a lot about him in general and I just really love him and wish peoplewould see that you don’t have to actively kickass to be a good character.
…..expecially when you’re already as kickass as Leorio Paradinight.
Take care nonny!
#ichafantalks hxh#ichameta hxh#\o/#wow violent tiredness toward the end sorry o(-(#anyway#Anonymous#ichareply#leorio appreciation
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so, i went to Pride and almost came out to my relatives the next day...
under the cut coz it’s gonna be long and rambly
so as many of you have seen, i went to Pride March for the very first time. Manila Pride is on its 23rd year, and is the longest running Pride March in South East Asia. i’ve been trying to go for at least 2 years now, but kept chickening out, coming up with ridiculous excuses that may or may not have been true, and ended up psyching myself out. but this year, I finally went. and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
being at Pride gave me a bit more courage and strength. i went to claim my identity and stand by it for myself. up until then, i’d always felt like i’ve screamed and yelled about being bi and bi erasure only online and while online activism is valid af, i still wanted to do something concrete for it. for me. i went to Pride to do that, and came out of it getting so much more. i came out with a place to belong to, a group of people to be part of, an identity to share with others and myself.
that night, upon returning home, i posted pictures on Facebook. i have two FB accounts - one that most of my relatives follow, and one that only some friends and some of my cousins follow. on that second account, i went all out. “Hi, I’m [Mango], and I’m bisexual,” i said at the end of that post. i left it public. it’s getting a lot of positive reactions, even from people i didn’t expect to react at all.
on my other FB account, i was a little more hesitant. there was a reason i hadn’t been more out to my family, and it stayed my hand again. in the end, i compromised with myself; be vague, be casual, and let the universe do its thing. if people realize what you’re trying to say, good. if not, then you’re still safe. so that’s what i did. posted some pics, including one of me holding up a bi flag, and wearing my shirt that says”#MyPride Is Bi Pride” in full view. “Today, I celebrated,” i said in that post.
i tried not to check it constantly, but i did. it got a HEART from my dad. i lit up, and began weeping. could that mean what i thought it did? i had no way of knowing right away; i had gone home to the condo, and wouldn’t see him in person until i met up with the family at the cemetery for our Sunday breakfasts with mom. i would just have to nervously wait and see.
the next morning, i was late to the memorial park. when i arrived there, dad’s greeting for me was...less than bright. i still do not know if that was because i was late, or if because he was suspecting something about me that he wasn’t going to like. as soon as i began eating breakfast (quickly), he asked his questions.
“That march you went to. What march was that?” flat, somewhat low tone. the kind of tone that makes you think you might’ve done something that your father is not cool with.
“Pride March, dad,” i say as nonchalantly as i could.
“Yeah, I get that,” he replies, not looking at me, “What pride? What are you proud of?”
...did you hear that?
this. this should’ve been the moment. it should’ve been then that i just came right out with it. how nice it would’ve been to - my entire family was there, including my mom. despite knowing that my siblings knew without me ever coming out to them, it would have been so nice to come out in front of my entire family.
“I’m proud to be a bisexual, dad. I haven’t been straight for a long time. I realized it when I was 18, when I first became attracted to a fellow student with the same gender as me. But I am also attracted to men. I’m sure there are other gender identities that I would be attracted to. I’m not straight, dad. I’m bisexual, and I went to a march and a festival that celebrated this identity that i’ve told people about but not you, because i’ve been afraid of what your reaction might be. I love you, dad, I’m still me. this is just another part of me. i’m your eldest daughter, and i’m bisexual.”
it should’ve been so easy.
it wasn’t.
it was probably his tone; it wasn’t exactly...conducive to coming out to. it could’ve been his mood; he already seemed a little irked, this might not do that any favours. it could’ve just been the timing; maybe it just wasn’t the right time. maybe it was all of those things. whatever it was, it stopped me dead in my tracks.
i couldn’t come out.
my sister swooped quickly in with the save. “It’s gay solidarity, daddy,” she says helpfully, “it’s a celebration and a protest for equality. a lot of straight people go to it too, they’re called allies, and they’re there just to lend support and to add their voices.”
“oh,” dad says. he leaves it at that for the moment. so do i.
throughout the rest of the day, he asked a few more questions, but they were no longer about my attendance, just about what i saw and did there. at some point, he even told one of my uncles that i had gone to the thing, even tho that uncle also didn’t seem to know what Pride is in the first place. at some point, dad said, “i only get as far as acceptance. i can’t yet find it in me to get to encouragement and support.”
and that was that.
i was a bit disappointed at first. this was a big deal to me. i’ve been wanting to come out to my family not because of the reveal, but because it’s a part of me that i wanted to share, because otherwise it becomes a burden that gets heavier and heavier with each opportunity to come out that i don’t take. i wanted to come out to my family because i am truly proud to be bisexual, because i am proud of this part of my identity and i want to stand by it, but by keeping it secret, i felt like i couldn’t quite get where i wanted to be. i know that a lot of people feel safer in the closet than out, and that there are people who go through life never coming out to certain people, if at all. i honestly thought that would be the kind of person that i am - that i would live my life forever picking and choosing who i could be my true self with, and knowing that those choices may never include my father. i was going to be fine with that, until i wasn’t. and i was so disappointed that the chance that i had wanted was finally there, and i still couldn’t do it. i came out of Pride feeling courageous and strong, and yet when the time came, i took all of it and hid. i was disappointed in myself.
or i was, until i wasn’t. i don’t know what changed. i think i just realized that it just really wasn’t the right time. at Pride, one of the volunteer writers, who i work with at the office, interviewed me for write-ups. she asked me what advice i might have about coming out, and i had said what i believe, to this day, to be true - coming out isn’t supposed to be scary. it’s supposed to be about freedom of identity, and freedom comes in many shapes and forms, even from behind protective walls. so really, i was just...protecting myself, i guess. maybe something in me knew that if there was a right time, that wasn’t it, and if i had forced it then, things would’ve gone badly.
and i needn’t be discouraged, i came to realize. i did what i had gone to Pride to do - stand up for myself, with myself, to myself. i stepped out in a shirt that all but YELLED how different i was from everyone else outside of Pride, and while i wondered if people were looking at me differently, i didn’t shirk away from it. i didn’t throw my jacket on when i felt uneasy, i left that message out for the world to see. i marched with people who felt like me and more than me, i danced on the streets amidst a flurry of rainbow flags, i cheered loudly in love and solidarity to drown out the hate and bigotry of protesters trying to tell us we were sins, sinners and sinning. and when i came back, i put my identity out into the universe, i claimed it as best as i can without compromising myself, and even something as small as saying “Today, I celebrated” on a picture of me with a bi flag has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. some of the burden remains, but it’s far lighter now.
and that, i realize, is why i need Pride. why, despite all the excuses i came up with over the past couple of years just so i wouldn’t have to explain to my dad where i wanted to go and why, i had to get my ass up and get there. i needed to find my safe space, i needed to be where i belonged. i needed somewhere where being me meant not being a spectacle or a secret.
i know that at its core, Pride is a protest, i know the history of it and why there was a need for it in the first place, but as someone who is experiencing this new additional version of Pride, i want to thank all those who came before me. i want to remember the heroes who first took to the streets to protest against trans violence, and those who added the celebration of love, identity and freedom to it. Pride gave me courage, and everything that came after has reminded me that the journey will be just as important as the destination, and so i don’t need to hurry.
maybe one day, i WILL come out fully to the people that i want to, but for now, i’ve come out to myself in full at last, and nothing or no one will be able to take that from me. my well of courage from now on will not just be the love, encouragement and support of other people, but also myself.
see you next year, Pride.
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All from A to Z :)
Oh my Lanta. Really? I mean, I’ll do it, but wowza. Thank you, anon. :D
A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.
I’m not honestly a huge shipper. I prefer bromance to romance... if I HAD to pick a ship or two? Demitri/Anastasia from “Anastasia”, and Mr. Darcy/Elizabeth Bennet from “Pride and Prejudice”. Always get me every time.
B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.
Mmm... Spirk (Star Trek) and McKirk (Star Trek). Damnit, I didn’t want to get sucked into this hell hole, but here I am.
C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.
Sherlock/Anyone. I just don’t see romantic relationships there. I mean I can see how people get the Johnlock thing going, but honestly... I don’t ship him with anyone. Again, bromance before romance for this one.
D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.
Dean Winchester/Lisa (Supernatural). But that might be because that storyline was pretty weak.
E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?
Some of you may well remember that there is a little known one-shot lurking out there inspired by @faragonart‘s Hiccup in Aperture Science drawings from... Jeez, like a year and a half ago? Not sure. But it’s out there. It’s cracky as hell.
F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?
Been in the Teen Titans fandom for... jeez uh... 13 years? Harry Potter is closely behind at 12.
G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?
Again, not super shippy. When I was a wee tot I adored Robin/Starfire on Teen Titans, but the older I got the more I was like “I just don’t see it.” I do love me some Harry/Ginny (Harry Potter).
H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?
Usually tv shows. Almost always. Sometimes movies. Rarely books.
I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?
Tumblr has turned me off of so many fandoms before I ever even saw the show, because I was sick of it before I ever got a chance to enjoy it, including but not limited to: Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, Voltron, Troll Hunters, Hannibal, etc.
J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)
Supernatural. Honestly had no idea what it even was before I saw it on here, and then of course I got obsessed.
K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?
Ooohhh. Sherlock is one of my faves, just watching him become more.. human, is great. Jesse Pinkman and Walter White (Breaking Bad)... there are so MANY.
L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)
John Winchester has a pleasant sounding voice when he isn’t screaming at his children? Does that count?
M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.
Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls). I want to be her.
N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).
Jesse Pinkman character analysis and canon compliant Harry Potter learning to deal with his upbringing.
O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?
“Reflecting Light” by Sam Phillips- Luke/Lorelai (Gilmore Girls)
P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).
I actually developed a relatively in depth baby bots AU for Portal in one of @faragonart‘s streams. The idea was more or less that in an effort to tame Glad0s, they scientists desperately tried to bring the human part of her (whatever was left of Caroline) back into control by appealing to her maternal instinct with android baby bots, creating first Virgil (who was too soft spoken and non-assertive, and brushed aside before being reassigned to maintenance) then Wheatley (who was too curious and outgoing, and caused her to become increasingly hostile against him to the point that his memory of it was wiped, and he was left with nothing more than an inherent fear of her), and finally having no choice but to bring in Caroline’s actual daughter: Chel. If anyone wants more than that, I have it all written down somewhere and I’ll hunt it down and share.
Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.
Ooooh. LOST. Too weird, my dudes. Far too weird. And Grey’s Anatomy.
R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?
Merlin/Arthur, Sherlock/John, Harry/Hermione, this is a looong list.
S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)
Hmm... alright, so @orhowfar and I were watching Anastasia a few weeks back and I went dark af and just proclaimed that I think Dimitri was abused by the staff of the palace. He very clearly gets manhandled rather aggressively on a fairly frequent basis, and his self esteem is virtually nothing. So we came up with this whole big thing where his favorite of the nobility was always Vlad, who had kind eyes and a big belly and would sneak him sweets when he assisted, and after helping the princess escape and being knocked unconscious (by a blow to the head from a gun which 100% broke his nose btw have you ever noticed?) He finds himself with nowhere to go. He runs into Vlad and there’s a moment of pure panic because Vlad knows how bad things are right then, but they both just nod, and wind up taking care of each other. Vlad becomes something of a father figure to Dimitri. He notices pretty early on that Dimitri doesn’t like contact unless he’s initiated it, something that carries over into adulthood, despite his best efforts, but it does get better. Vlad just makes sure to let Dimitri come to him as often as possible instead of reaching out first. Etc. etc. it was a LONG thing.
T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?
Hiccup’s hair looks the way it does because he won’t sit still for a haircut- he’s always off doing something or other- so his father will just randomly grab a handful of his hair and slice through it with his knife to keep it manageable. Hiccup barely notices until after Stoick’s death when his hair is suddenly longer than it’s been in years and then he remembers and ouch.
U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.
Merlin- self sacrificing, intelligent, lovable little dork with immense power.
Dean Winchester- self sacrificing, intelligent, lovable little dork with virtually no self esteem or self preservation skills.
Jesse Pinkman- self sacrificing, intelligent, lovable little dork with virtually no self esteem or self preservation skills who is far too broken and has seen far too much but is desperate for love.
V - Which character do you relate to most?
It varies... I related to Jesse Pinkman more than I probably should have but... given current circumstances.. yeah. I understand Lorelai Gilmore on a spiritual level as well.
W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.
“Bad guy is reformed and becomes besties with the gang”. Get away from meeeeeeeee.
X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.
One character slowly humanizes another through little acts of affection and teaching and both learn from the other and become best friends in the process.
Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?
Hmmm... does The Office count? I see a lot of The Office second hand.
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)
They have never once cast a decent Dick Grayson (Batman) and let me tell you why because when a child is of Romani descent they are not some little pale white boy with dark hair. They have a very specific look and I have yet to see it. Not to mention they never pick the right body type. Dick is an acrobat first and foremost; he just learned to adapt that into a fighting style. He would not be some top heavy bulky af ripped dude with giant shoulders and biceps and thighs as wide as a tire, he’d be lean and wiry and small. He needs to be fast, be able to get and keep himself airborne, and fold into all sorts of weird shapes (the kid is basically a damn contortionist). He’s strong as hell, but it’s not just big ass muscles, it’s... *deep breath* he’s not the body type they keep casting. Furthermore, that kid is definitely his own special brand of damaged and I get very tired of seeing the “so sarcastic and carefree” attitude given to him in movies and tv shows, but I also can’t stand the other extreme: the cold, clinical, calculating, trying to be Batman nonsense. That’s not who he is. He’s smart and capable, and certainly can be serious, he’s been playing a part in public for most of his life, just as Bruce does, but he’s also very careful not to become what Bruce has... I could go on about this for a long time... @cinemamind, help me?
Thanks for the request, anon, sorry this is SO long...
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