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dp-marvel94 · 2 years

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Face to Face- chapter 39

Summary: When Danny went through the ghost catcher, he expected to be cured of the ghostliness that had haunted him since the accident, not to wake up on the lab floor with his parents saying he’d been overshadowed but everything’s back to normal now. But why does Danny Fenton cry himself to sleep to then dream of flying? Why does Phantom, the ghost who was supposedly possessing Danny remember a life that wasn’t his? Most of all, why do both the human and the ghost feel that something vital is missing, in their very soul? Or: Trying to cure himself of his powers one month after the accident, Danny accidentally splits himself but neither his ghost nor his human half know that that is what they did

First -> Last -> Next

Word Count: 4,215

Also on AO3 and Fanfiction.net

Note: Hey my lovely readers! I'm here with a Face to Face update and very excited! With this chapter, we finally breach 200K with plenty more planned. :)

And a note about the band talk... so I pretty much gave the trio my music taste, with my love of relatively small time hard rock and metal bands. The conversation is meant to reflect one I would have with my sister and other concert friends; gotta write from what you know, right? And I also figured you guys would appreciate me giving the Dannys an opportunity to make a pun :P

The rest of Tuesday progressed without any notable incident. Fenton came home from school. Homework. Dinner with the family. Jazz and both Dannys watched some TV with their parents before the human teens went up to bed.

Fenton made faces at himself in the mirror while he brushed his teeth. Yes, he would say it had been a pretty good day, a normal day. Or… what passed for normal for the time being. Phantom had told him about the ectoweenies and the human Danny told his counterpart about talking to Sam and Tucker about everything.

The ghost frowned from where he was leaning on the doorframe of the bathroom. “And Sam and Tucker? They’re both doing good?”

The human spit out the foam in his mouth. “Yeah. Sam’s parents are still driving her nuts. And Tucker keeps raving about this new PDA he ordered. But things are good. They were really excited to hear about what happened with Sidney.”

“They were.” Phantom perked up slightly. “That’s good.” His eyes flickered down, saying nothing else.

There was a pause, as Fenton finished rinsing out his mouth. No words were really needed; the human could feel his ghost’s heavy core. They hadn’t talked or thought about it much but after only seeing Sam and Tucker in person briefly the past week, Phantom really missed them.

“Our grounding’s up tomorrow.” Human Danny offered gently.

That made his other self’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really?!”

A nod. “Yep.”

“It’s… already been a week.” The ghost frowned. “How’s it only been a week?” He muttered.

Fenton shrugged, sharing the sentiment. A week. It had been a week since they’d had that talk in the park and gotten grounded for being out past curfew. So much had happened; it felt like it had been much longer, like months. And yet… it also felt like barely any time had passed at all.

Human Danny didn’t comment on this. Instead, he said. “We can ask if Sam and Tucker can come over tomorrow. I know you want to see them.”

Phantom nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll make sure to ask Mom and Dad in the morning and I’ll text our friends.” He floated backward to let his human out of the bathroom so he could go to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another sleep. Another breakfast and whirlwind to get ready for school. And Fenton was again getting his books.

“Hey, guys. You wanna come over this afternoon?” The human boy smiled. “My grounding’s finally over.”

Both of his friends’ eyes lit up, instantly agreeing. Then Tucker said. “I should probably text my mom first though.”

The technogeek did just that, pulling out his PDA. Sam was doing the same on her phone. Both received permission. And not five minutes later, both of his friends’ devices buzzed at the same time.

Sam read the text. “Your parents said it was okay, too. Ghost you asked them.”

“Awesome!” Fenton pumped his fist, feeling excited. Now he had to just get through his classes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paradoxically, school seemed to drag and fly by at the same time. Many hours later, the human Danny arrived at his front door, Sam and Tucker following him. He turned the key, unlocking it, and pulled the door open. It swung inward and…

Fenton blinked. There in the kitchen, level with the top dish shelf, floated Phantom. The ghost had a set of bowls in one hand as he pulled open the door. The human shook his head, clearing his startled mind. Then he smiled.

Ghost Danny’s head turned. “Sam! Tucker!” He visibly brightened, eyes glowing more intensely. He placed the bowls down and in a blur, flew across the living room. The ghost threw one arm around each of his friends. “I’m so happy you could come over!”

“Yeah….dude.” Tucker said awkwardly. His eyes flitted to the human Danny, the ghost Danny, and then to Sam.

Sam raised an eyebrow at the technogeek and elbowed him. “Me too.” She added, an excited smile spreading across her face.

Phantom pulled back, still beaming. His eyes flickered to his human self and he held up a fist. “Fenton!”

Human Danny fist bumped him. “Phantom!”

Just then, Mom’s voice called up the basement stairs. “Danny?! Is that your friends?”

“Yes!” Both Dannys called with exactly the same inflection.

The sound of footsteps started rising from the basement. Ghost Danny darted back to the dishwasher. “I gotta finish this before homework.” He muttered. Then louder. “And get us some snacks!”

Fenton dropped his bag and walked forward to help with the chore. Two pairs of hands were faster than one, weren’t they? Sam and Tucker also dropped their bags, coming into the kitchen. Both grabbed sodas out of the fridge and started going through the pantry, at home in their friend’s house. At the same time, human Danny started putting away the silverware.

The door to the basement opened. Fenton turned to greet his mom. And…. for just a moment, his stomach flopped with nerves as her eyes flitted the ghost floating beside him. He half-expected a startled reaction but… She didn’t bat an eye as she smiled and her gaze smoothly moved from Phantom to him.

“Hi sweetie.” Mom said warmly. “How was school?” She walked to his side and briefly put one arm around his back in a hug.

“It was good.” Fenton accepted the gesture. “Mr. Lancer gave us our essays back.” His eyes flickered to his ghost half. “We got an A minus.”

“You did?!” The woman asked, excitedly. “Great job. I’m so proud of you.” She looked up at Phantom as well. “Of both of you.”

The ghost beamed. “Thanks Mom.”

“Thanks.” Fenton smiled, similarly warmed by the praise.

Phantom continued. “Sam and Tucker are here!” He pointed at the two friends who both waved, greeting the woman. “We’re gonna get some snacks and work on homework.”

“Alright kids. Don’t overdo it on the snacks.” She pointed. “I’ve got dinner in the crock pot so we’ll eat before it's too late.”

Tucker perked up. “What are ya cooking, Mrs. F?”

“Just a pot roast.” The adult said, walking over to the counter to check on the meal.

The technogeek seemed to have stars in his eyes from the answer but Sam elbowed him. “Weren't you just saying your mom wanted you home for meatloaf tonight?”

The beret-wearing boy rubbed the spot. “Oh. Right.” He gave a sheepish smile. “How about just a bit to go? For later?”

Fenton and Phantom chuckled, even as Sam rolled her eyes. All of them knew he wasn’t being entirely serious.

“Perhaps.” Mom had a similar knowing twinkle in her eye. She glanced back at the door. “I’ll see you in a bit. Your dad and I need to finish up in the lab. Have a good time, kids.”

The woman waved, going down the stairs. The teenagers did as well, before returning to their conversation. With the dishes finished, Fenton grabbed his own snack. The four sat at the table for a bit, chatting about school, the upcoming dance, and music.

“Have you listened to Relent’s new album yet?” Sam asked.

“Yes! It’s fire!” Phantom smiled, gesturing excitedly. “It’s so good.”

The goth’s eyes lit up. “I know, right?! I love Snakes or… oh, Enemy freaking slaps! I mean the title track, Heavy is really good too. What’s your favorite song?” She asked ghost Danny excitedly.

“Oh that’s really hard. All the songs are good but maybe….” The boy tapped his chin, thinking. “I know, Ghost.” He beamed. “Ghost is my favorite song.”

Fenton burst out laughing at the answer. At the same time, Sam rolled her eyes good naturedly. “Of course it is.” She leaned forward, pointing at Fenton. “Seriously, what’s your favorite?”

The human Danny held up his hands. “Hey, he was being serious. Ghost is a banger.”

Sam groaned. “Come on. That pun...and it’s the single. The single can’t be your favorite song on the album.”

“Why not?” Tucker shrugged. “First. They put out three singles, four if you count LOW. And second, If it’s a good song, it’s a good song. That’s probably why it’s a single, ‘cause it’s the best.”

The goth raised a brow. “We all know that’s not how it works. They pick the song that’s likely to get the most streams, or radio play.” She crossed her arms. “Doesn’t mean it's the best. I mean look at Darkness Dies! It’s Disciple's most popular song and it didn’t make the album the first time around! Either the bands don’t know what is good anymore or it being the single doesn’t automatically make it a good song. That being said, Disciple and Relent aren’t good examples because they don’t really put out bad songs.”

Fenton shrugged, not replying. There was no point in arguing that point. Beside him, Tucker was typing on his PDA. “Oh, Sam. Did you see this?” He held the device up to show her a picture.

Sam’s eyes widened. Her chair teetered, almost falling as she practically leapt out of it. “Relent’s touring with GFM! And The Protest!”

“Look at the dates.” The technogeek motioned.

The goth leaned forward at the same time both Dannys moved to see. Phantom was the first to react. “They’re playing here! And the… first.”

“That’s in two weeks!” Sam bounced on her feet. “I’m gonna get to see GFM!”

Fenton starred, a little stunned. He was sure he’d never seen his goth friend this excited before. Then the corners of his lips turned up as he slowly smiled. His eyes flickered to Phantom. “Dude… we’ve got to get back to normal before then.”

“Uh yeah.” Phantom nodded enthusiastically. “Dude, I’m not missing that.”

The group talked for a while, gushing about the upcoming concert and what songs they hoped to hear. Eventually, a reprimand from Jazz when she came in convinced the younger teens to work on homework with much grumbling and pouting from all.

An hour later, Fenton flopped dramatically onto the carpet. “That’s it. We’re done.” Still sitting to his right, he saw his counterpart roll his eyes.

Above his head, from somewhere in the kitchen came an exaggerated sigh from Jazz. “It can't be that bad.”

The human’s eyes flickered to the side as Phantom stuck his tongue out at their sister, shaking his head mischievously. Fenton raised a brow. He sat up just in time to see the older teen roll her eyes before returning to her own homework. “Little brothers.” She mumbled.

Human Danny stuck out his tongue this time, though it wasn’t particularly satisfying since Jazz didn’t see it this time. Oh well, there’d be time to mess with his sister later. He turned his attention back to his friends. Sam was putting away her textbook while Tucker was checking his PDA.

“Ah man. I have to leave in fifteen.” The technogeek lamented.

Fenton frowned. “Oh. What do you guys want to do then?”

Beside him, Phantom’s eyes lit up with a sudden idea. “I need to show you something!” Excitedly, the ghost smoothly floated off the floor and into a standing position.

Tucker raised a brow. “Dude, what is it?”

Phantom covered his lips with one finger and wiggled his eyebrows playfully. He floated to one of the walls and placed both feet on the ground. He turned around to look at the other teens. “Just watch.”

Despite the confused looks, Sam and Tucker didn’t say anything, just watching curiously. Fenton’s own brow was furrowed; what exactly was this about? Then his ghost spread his finger and placed his hands on the wall, one above the other. He shuffled his feet forward until his toes were right on the wall. One more look back to make sure he was being watched, a smirk and… Phantom moved the lower hand higher and stepped onto the wall.

Behind him, jaws dropped. Fenton’s eyes widened. Was he…. No way. The corners of his lips started turning up. Hand over hand, his ghostly counterpart moved up the wall. Fenton felt like laughing. NO Way.

“Dude!” Tucker had his hands up. “Are you wall crawling?!”

Phantom hazarded a glance back. “Yep.” He grinned. “Like Spiderman.”

His human self blinked and an excited chuckle burst from his lips. “Like Spiderman.”

“That’s awesome!” The technogeek exclaimed. “How? How are you doing that?” At the same time, Jazz gasped, finally taking note of the commotion. “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get footprints on the wall!” And Sam… “Why didn’t you tell us earlier? This is so cool!”

“Guys.” Phantom shook his head, good naturedly. “Let me concentrate.”

Every questioning mouth snapped closed, though the excited looks remained glued to Sam and Tucker’s faces. Fenton’s own mouth was still open as his ghost self clammered to the top of the wall. Jazz stood from her seat at the kitchen table, quickly coming to stand with the other teens. The ghost carefully shifted so he was crawling along the ceiling. Phantom looked down, still grinning. He stopped above the still gaping humans and maneuvered to sit crossed legged on the ceiling.

“There.” The ghost flopped down, spreading his arms. “Now I will take questions.”

Sam spoke first, elbowing Fenton even as she was looking at Phantom. “Fenton. Why didn’t you tell us about this?” The question was without bite, just teasing and disbelieving.

Human Danny looked between his two friends and sister. “Guys.” He laughed. “I literally didn’t know about this ‘til just now.” But as soon as he said the words, a mental door opened and there was the memory of practicing and experimenting with the power this afternoon.

On the ceiling, Phantom shrugged. “What can I say? Sometimes I surprise myself.” He gave Fenton a meaningful look and the human shook his head, still smiling.

“But seriously… how?” Sam motioned to the ghost who was hanging from the ceiling like an oversized bat.

“I’m floating.” The ghost said plainly. “Or… it’s like gravity’s only a thing if I want it to be so I think I’m kinda changing how gravity affects just me so…” He pointed toward the teens. “That’s up. And…” He motioned to the ceiling. “That’s down.”

“That’s incredible, Danny.” Jazz breathed, amazed.

“Yeah.” Sam agreed. “Amazing.”

“Dude.” Tucker’s hand went to his forehead, expression awed. He blinked and then… “Danny! You can use your powers on other people!”

Phantom raised a brow, surprised by the change of topic. “Uh… yeah?”

“I mean… at school, you could turn all of us intangible and invisible to get out of the basement. And….I was like...floating with you.”

“So?” Fenton questioned, half shrugging.

“So!” Tucker’s hands raised. “I wanna sit on the ceiling too, man!”

Phantom blinked. “What? How would...how would we even do that?”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Like Tucker said, sharing your power. So you totally could do it, if you’re touching whoever it is. So…” She grinned. “Hanging out on the ceiling?”

The ghost didn’t reply, still looking at both his friends. Then his eyes went to Fenton and there was a silent conversation. Both were unsure. Was this a good idea?

Then, Jazz crossed her arms. “What. No. No way. This is a bad idea and you should get down from there before you hurt yourself.”

A bad idea, Jazz said? Well… Phantom grinned at her, mischievously. “Nah, it's a great idea.”

“Danny!” Their sister’s jaw dropped. “No.”

Fenton elbowed her. “It’ll be fine. We can do this.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” The older teen muttered.

“We’ll be careful.” Human Danny rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. So….” Phantom stood, feet on the ceiling and head down. “How do we do this?”

“Me first! Me first!” Tucker jumped excitedly. “Danny, stand up.” The ghost did so and the technogeek jumped again, reaching towards him. The outstretched hands missed by more than a foot, due to the high ceiling. The beret-wearing boy frowned in reaction. “Too high. Maybe…if I stand on the couch and-”

“Wait, Tuck.” Phantom interrupted as his friend stepped towards the couch. “Maybe…” He bit his lip and Fenton could feel the uncertainty, his own stomach flopping. The green eyes met blue. “I should try it with Fenton first.”

Human Danny didn’t visibly react; he wasn’t surprised in the least. The same couldn’t be said for his friends. Disappointed flashed across Tucker’s face and Sam asked. “Why?”

Ghost Danny rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I’m pretty sure the power sharing is easier with other me. We should try that first.”

“Oh, so you can get yourself hurt instead of one of us. Like I said” Jazz replied sarcastically, looking dissatisfied. “I still don’t like this. It’s not a good idea.”

Fenton narrowed his eyes. “I’m not gonna get hurt. I trust my own powers. He won’t drop me. And frankly….” He crossed his arms. “I’d rather get dropped than one of you guys.”

Their sister opened her mouth to argue but Phantom cut her off before she could. “Jazz. It’s fine. I wouldn’t drop him. I do have some self preservation. It’s not even that far.” The ghost crossed his arms, mirroring Fenton’s position.

There was a pause as Jazz’s eyes flickered between the two versions of her brother. Then she sighed. “Fine. Go ahead.”

Phantom actually looked a little smug. Then he looked to his friends. “Sam? Tuck?”

“Yeah. Go ahead.” Tucker agreed, apparently satisfied by the explanation. Sam gave a nod as well.

“Alright.” Fenton rubbed his hands together. He hopped up on the couch and raised both hands. The human stood on his toes and the ghost stretched slightly. Gloved and ungloved hands met and were grasped in each other. Human Danny let out a small gasp as a tingly feeling traveled from his hands down to his feet. Then that familiar weightlessness overtook him. Fenton relaxed, letting his feet float off the furniture. “So that worked.” His eyes flickered up to the ceiling. “How do I move though?”

“Just think about it.” Phantom supplied.

“Helpful.” Sam quipped.

“No really. You just think about it. It’s like breathing or walking. Just think and… it happens.”

Fenton frowned. That still wasn’t all that helpful. He looked at the ceiling beside Phantom again before looking directly up and meeting his ghost half’s green eyes. His counterpart smiled encouragingly. The human smiled back. Alright, he could do this. He wanted to be standing on the ceiling, beside Phantom. So he’d need to… kinda swing up there. Or down. The ceiling was the floor. It was supposed to be down so-

Human Danny’s eyes widened. He gasped as his legs effortlessly floated out from directly under him and up until he was almost sitting in the air with his legs splayed in front of him. Fenton moved without thought, waist and arms bending at the world flipped upside down. Before he could register, he was standing on white-popcorned ceiling, across from his ghost and with their hands still clasped.

“Woah.” Fenton blinked. “That worked.” He was standing on the ceiling and… he wasn’t dizzy at all. It felt just like standing on the floor, even if he was still weightless. He grinned. “It worked!”

“Awesome!” Phantom also grinned. “You did it!” The ghost let go, intent to wave his hands in his excitement.

Human Danny’s mouth formed an O. Gravity reengaged, the world turned back around, and he was falling. He shrieked, hands instinctively moving to protect his head. Oh shit, he was gonna-

Fenton jerked to a stop, the tingly cold feeling washing through him. What? He blinked, eyes darting back and forth panickedly. He was still floating? How? What? Why? His heart pounded and he looked up, at whatever cold thing was wrapped around his ankle. Oh. It was Phantom. The ghost had caught him, a hand wrapped around his leg and an arm stretched a little too long to be natural.

Ghost Danny smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

His panic gone, Fenton scowled. He glanced down at his friends and sister. Their faces showed a combination of fear, relief, and confusion.

Jazz put up her hands. “You said you weren’t going to drop him.”

Human Danny sighed. “At least I caught myself.” He looked back up at Phantom. “Thanks for the save but… try to remember we have to be touching for it to work.”

Phantom blushed green. “Yeah… Let’s do that.” He then looked at his arm. “Woah. Didn’t know I could do that.” The arm holding the human’s ankle stretched just a little bit longer and thinner before it snapped back to its normal length.

Fenton started willing himself into a more upright position, relative to Phantom. He reached out with his right hand, taking the ghost’s left hand again as soon as their fingertips touched. “Is it like how you can make your legs into that ghostly tail thing?”

Phantom shrugged. “Probably.”

The gloves right and ungloved left hands met and again, Fenton was floating towards the ceiling. Just as his feet set down, the door to the lab opened. Both heads turned.

“What was that screaming?” Mom asked, concerned. She stopped at the threshold between the kitchen and the living room. Surprise flashed across her face and her gaze flickered from the teenagers on the ground to what they were looking up at. Her eyes widened. “What are you doing?”

Fenton blushed. “Uh… you know. Just practicing.”

The adult blinked. “Okay. But...why was someone screaming?”

“Phantom dropped him.” Jazz cut in.

Both Dannys’ jaws dropped, scandalized. “Jazz!”

“Hey! I caught myself.” Phantom argued.

“Yeah, we’re both fine.” Fenton backed him up.

Mom took a breath, putting a hand on her head. “Just… be more careful next time, Danny. Maybe pick somewhere less... high next time. Maybe over a soft mattress or pillows or something.”

Both boys looked at each other, a little surprised. “Oh, okay. We will.” “Yeah, we will.”

No one said anything for a pause. Both Dannys blushed. Then Dad came up from that lab. He stared. “Wow. Neat trick, Danno.”

That broke some of the tension. “Thanks Dad.” Fenton called.

“Yeah! It’s really cool.” Tucker added encouragingly.

Mom lowered her hand. “Sweetie, you should finish up with your friends. Dinner will be ready soon and they need to leave, right?”

Sam glanced at the clock. “Yeah. Simmons should be here to pick me up in a few minutes.”

“Aw man.” Tucker looked disappointed.

Fenton and Phantom felt the same sadness. Hanging out with friends was over for now. They looked at each other and without needing any words, smoothly turned in the air. Human Danny didn’t know which one of them was willing the movement but in perfect sync, they lowered from the ceiling, flipped right side up, and landed back on the carpet. Only then did the hands unclasp.

“Sorry, Tuck. Next time?” Phantom offered.

“You know it.” The technogeek gave ghost Danny a fist bump, followed by the human Danny.

“Yeah.” For just a moment, Fenton’s eyes flickered to Mom, nervously. Could she infer what they were talking about? She raised a brow and his stomach dropped, expecting a reprimand; there was no way Mom would be okay with him fooling around with his powers with his friends.

But the woman surprised him. “Just be careful if you’re going to play around with your powers with your friends, Danny.” Her expression turned more serious as she turned to address Sam and Tucker. “I know superpowers are exciting but I’m trusting all of you to be responsible and not reckless. Maybe bring your bike helmet and your elbow and knee pads? I don’t want to have to take anyone to the hospital.”

Tucker’s expression was, suddenly, extremely serious. “Yeah, Mrs. F. We’ll be careful.”

“Of course, Mrs. Fenton. You can trust us.” The corner of Sam’s lips turned up. “We’ll keep Danny in line.”

Fenton’s mouth fell open in offense. “Really? You too, Sam?” Despite his words, the human boy wasn’t really serious.

The goth shrugged. At the same time, Tucker half-smiled. “Someone’s got to stop you from dropping yourself.”

Phantom put a hand to his head. “It was an accident! And I caught him.”

“You did a great job, little brother.” Jazz patted him on the shoulder, teasingly.

“Yeah! That must have been impressive. Great reflexes, son.” Dad added, joining the group.

Mom shook her head, still smiling despite the topic. And slowly… both Danny’s smiled too even with the teasing. It felt good, like they were just hanging out, like this was a normal school day. Or rather… not like the accident hadn’t happened and nothing had changed but… this was becoming the new normal, ghost powers and all.

#Danny Phantom #my fic #Face to Face #Ghost Catcher #Split Danny #Double Danny

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clare-with-no-i · 3 years

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20 Questions: Writer’s Edition!

Thank you for tagging me @maraudersftw @startanewdream woohoo!

How many works do you have on AO3

28! 31 total I believe, including Tumblr dot com

What’s your total AO3 word count?

231,120 (oh my god when did I pass 200k...)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

HP and before I was really into HP I wrote a few for a show that I no longer like lol but I orphan’d them so...HP! that is my truth!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. one long day (all my love will make you shake)

2. color theory

3. I will carry you, always

4. New Age Romancing

5. to be always kind and true

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do mostly! I’m SO SO SO behind, but trust me it is not a reflection of anything other than the fact that I’m overwhelmed. NAR comments became a lot and then after that it all snowballed

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

er...probably invictus, I’d say. open ending, but still alludes to canon. so...angst.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

LOL. I’d have to say foreigner’s god, wherein I literally gave Jily a second life with Harry. or my they lived AU’s but that’s more the entire stories, not just the endings

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

nope! unless you count my outlander-inspired fic, but that’s really only for the time travel premise. crossovers are not my thing.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

sort of? yes? on NAR, which was tough because that story was already making me nervous to put out there. it’s kind of slowed me down on updating it, but hey life happens

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

very complex relationship with that, so sort of a yes/no.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

.........iykyk

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! my story about Regulus and Sirius, en-dessous de la lune qui chante, got translated into Russian, which is so cool I can’t even begin to process it

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not...yet (eyes emoji)

What’s your all time favorite ship?

jily by a MILE

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

uhh I don’t think I have one of these. also I reject this energy on account of the fact that I don’t even want to consider not finishing a fic lmao

What are your writing strengths?

WALL OF TEXT

What are your writing weaknesses?

maintaining a timeline, outlining stories, consistency...writing movement lmao

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

love it. currently doing it with Ancient Greek, which is...a lot. but hope to write a whole fic in spanish one day! :)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson and the Olympians! aaaaages ago.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

um. oh god. idk. I think half bond and free and half foreigner’s god? oh god I really do not know

tagging @keepingupwithpotters @figg-anon @cesays and @sunshine-marauders !! have fun bb’s

#tag #writer ask #doing this right before going to PT so it is rushed #but it was fun so i wanted to do it now HAHAHAHA

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loquaciousquark · 4 years

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I hope you're doing well! I know you posted about a stressful situation last month, and I hope it's resolved itself. Sending good wishes you you and Hamlet!

Thank you so very much for checking in on me! I really do appreciate it. An update to that post under the cut.

Carol, who moved in with me on May 28, is still here. Right now, we have set a tentative move-out goal of the first or second week of August, but this is pending an apartment application that she hopes to finalize on Monday and a job situation that is a complete mess.

Basically, according to my limited understanding, Carol is licensed to teach in Florida. Alabama has a reciprocity clause with Florida, but it must be applied for. Carol has recently begun this process, but her teaching license(s?) is (are?) set to expire in December unless she passes certain exams. She’s already passed one for...general middle and high school teaching, I think, but failed a math exam. She has an art history exam Monday afternoon and expects to pass. I hope so, because she’s been doing nothing but watching Netflix and shopping for houses for the last few days in her new 2017 Jeep Cherokee.

I remain unspeakably grateful to my parents for teaching me financial literacy, because until I witnessed Carol’s decision-making, I had no idea how hard it was for some people to not spend money unwisely.

As a reminder, Carol is dead broke. She has $153,000 in debt across student loans, medical bills, Czech and US taxes, and some personal loans she would like to repay to friends for helping her. She is unemployed and has no support from her family and has relied on couch surfing at friends’ and acquaintances’ homes since last summer for housing. Since moving in with me, she has been trying to find somewhere to live that would accept her with all her debt and her nonexistent US employment history for the last ten years. Based on what she’s said, I think she has about $9k in the bank--or did, until last week.

In short, she needs a car, a job, and a home, and as far as I can tell she doesn’t care which order they come in.

Two weeks ago, she was offered a position in a rural town about 30 minutes from where I live. It’s a small, very country town which desperately needs a special education teacher, something I think Carol really does have a passion for. However, because she hasn’t finished the reciprocity licensure application yet, they’re having a lot of roadblocks with her paperwork, compounded by the fact that when she left Prague last year, she left all her important documentation behind: things like her birth certificate, her social security card, and her letters of recommendation, which for some reason she did not have electronic backups of. The principal has been trying to get what she needs from Carol for two weeks. Carol is constantly saying that things are “in process” but has nothing to show for it.

As far as we can tell, the job is still hers, but the school year starts August 13th and she still hasn’t been approved by the Board of Education because the paperwork is still not finished on her end. She did not attempt to replace her birth certificate or social security card until they needed it for the application. (Her friend in Prague--and I am beginning to realize she uses the word “friend” for anyone she’s met longer than sixty seconds), who frantically packed up all her belongings when she realized she would not be able to go back to the city, cannot ship her belongings or go through them for the important paperwork until next summer, as she and her husband are currently vacationing in Rome for a year.

Carol decided last night she is also going to apply for some online Department of Defense position--I didn’t understand the details and don’t really want to know, except that it’s also teaching and some administration. We’ll see how it works out. She is growing increasingly annoyed at the principal’s requests for paperwork completion, which baffles me.

So, job: shrug? Maybe?

Car next, then, but this whole mess also goes back to the financial literacy thing. My parents have always been extremely frugal (pennywise, as my dad would say), and from childhood they made it very clear to us to not buy things you couldn’t afford. They’ve never had a car payment in my memory, and they paid off their house about ten years ago. This means they drove a lot of junkers for a very long time, and for a very long time we had very few vacations, but now they’re fully financially stable and debt-free and my mom has a car that she drove off the lot brand new that they paid cash in hand for.

If I had been in Carol’s situation, I would have found a cheap, mostly reliable used car that probably wasn’t going to explode on me and drive that as long as I could while saving up for housing. I did in fact drive her to look at several used cars, most of which would have been even outside my expected budget (hers, as it happens, is larger even than that, because one of her overseas friends was willing to contribute $5000 to the cost of a vehicle). (I paid $6500 for my current car, a 2004, in college in 2012 with 70,000 miles on it at the time, and have driven it ever since.)

She rejected all of them because they did not have good “energy” and “feelings.” One she was willing to buy at $3700, but told the seller to go pay for his own inspection (once I explained to her what mechanical inspections were as a concept), so they ghosted her. She also is extremely afraid of head gasket failure--I don’t know why, since she knows nothing about cars--and has assumed all vehicles she has driven are on the verge of it, so after the first week she refused to even look at a vehicle without a warranty.

This means she exclusively limited herself to used dealership options, which I’m just going to come right out and say was monumentally stupid. I don’t know if any car dealers follow me, so I’m sorry if I am misperceiving this, but in my experience almost every dealer I’ve gone to has been aggressive, manipulative, and extremely predatory in their interest rates. I cannot think of a riskier course of action in abject debt than to try to cut a deal with a car dealer for the sake of a warranty I doubt will cover that much truly expensive failure in the long run anyway.

On Thursday, Carol bought a $20,000 2017 Jeep Cherokee from a dealership down the road. I don’t know what she put down. I do know she did not use her friend’s money (why not??) and I know her interest rate on the car loan is 4%, which she is extremely proud of and which horrifies me. She also “persuaded” them into a limited warranty that will cover the vehicle up to 100,000 miles (currently at 42k, and they ~only offer it for cars under 40,000 miles~). I can’t tell you how bad an idea I think all this is.

Thursday night, as she was regaling me with stories of her negotiating prowess, she also tells me she has decided to buy a house. She’s sick of renting, and somehow, someone somewhere managed to get her approved for up to $120,000 in a home loan. She already has $150k in debt, another $20k from the car, and now wants to buy a house. She was delighted that she could make the minimum 7% down payment, even though it would wipe out every cent she has left and leave her less than $500 to her name for moving expenses, utilities, food, title registration, etc. afterwards.

She doesn’t even have a secure job yet.

However, this plan seems to have fallen through. She went out with a realtor several times this weekend and came home the last time in great, heaving sobs, because she can’t find the 3bed 2bath she wanted in her price range. (For reference, most homes in this area go between 200k - 250k right now for 2-3bed 2ba, and the closer you get to the city--I have about a 20 minute commute--the higher it gets. My next door neighbor sold her 3bed 2.5ba for >300k three months ago, and Carol knew this.) She was absolutely devastated that the only things in her range were “tiny little ugly flipped houses” and “the ghetto.” The realtor basically said she wasn’t going to waste any more of her time. Carol repeatedly told me how grateful I should be that I got in at the price point I did a few years back, because no “normal people” could ever afford to break into the market again.

I tried to tell her that it was because I lived in with a roommate in very cheap housing and then a cell of a 1bed 1ba apartment for eight years while I saved money, but if nothing else, I’ve learned I’m not allowed to compare our situations or histories or offer advice of any kind except “go ahead and buy what you want,” because that only makes her cry harder. In the end, she has decided to give up on the house for now and settle for the absolute last thing in the world she wanted, an apartment with a lease.

To be honest, until she has a signed contract in hand, I half-expect this lease to fall through as well. I have tried to offer what I think is sensible advice and been ignored or rebuffed. I have tried to offer a sympathetic ear and ended up with her sobbing uncontrollably on me--heaving, body-wracking sobs--over and over again with me trapped in my own home, providing endless emotional support for a girl I don’t even like. I have tried to encourage her to do the things she wants to do, since she’s going to do them anyway, and when she gets “negative energy” after the purchases (buyer’s remorse, I think, that one little inkling of sense saying maybe it wasn’t a great idea to buy a $20,000 car or an $1100 brand new iPhone without a job), she blames it on the exact thing I said I thought might be good and makes me feel like I have now directly contributed to a negative outcome after poor decision-making.

For the record, when she says these things to me she is not saying, and has never said, them directly at me. She has never blamed me in any way for a negative outcome. She is not consciously trying to manipulate me or abuse me or take advantage of my help. She has never once asked me for money or job connections or for me to use any of my stability to unfairly or unethically get her something she needs. She is just completely absorbed in her own (rightfully absorbing) mess of a situation, and I think just completely unaware of how much of an emotional black hole she has become. There are no problems except her problems. There are no needs except her needs, and everyone around her has to understand how hard she has it at all times.

So, we’ll see. I am praying that the apartment works out next week. The owner seems to want to work with her, which is a hopeful sign. Good thoughts would be appreciated.

Aside from all of this, work has gotten extremely complicated. I’m not going to go into all of it now, but one of my jobs is to create an extremely detailed schedule for students in clinic. This is used to schedule patients in each service--if we have this many students, we can have this many patient slots per half-day, etc. Last week, two students were out unexpectedly, one who broke her arm the day before she was supposed to begin, and one who had a terrible anxiety attack and thought the symptoms were actually COVID. That student was tested and cleared negative, but Student Health requires a two-week quarantine anyway, so she was not allowed to return.

This meant that we now had multiple patients per day with no one to see them. We tried to reschedule as many as we could, but we still ended up with multiple overbooks. This is extremely stressful for me as both a provider, an instructor, and a human being who hates having other people wait on her in a professional capacity. We got through the week, but not without several painful bumps, and it’s looking like there will be more soon.

I also woke up to an email this morning that one of my favorite students (yes, I have favorites, I’m sorry), had a completely unexpected death in the immediate family and had to rush home. This is a very, very sweet, very smart girl who has worked unbelievably hard over the past year to do well in this program and in my courses, and I am just devastated for her. One of her friends is willing to cover her clinic, so the impact will be minimal on that side, but to have this happen during this country’s hellhole handling of this pandemic...I can’t even imagine it.

All of this isn’t even touching COVID. The President’s side has won in that sense--I don’t even register the numbers anymore--but as of last week our dean sent out messaging that implied that with our state’s failure to contain the spread, new discussions were going to be happening soon regarding our August start. We already had committed to full hybrid scheduling: all lectures online, in-person labs only where absolutely necessary to continue advancement in the program, and those labs limited to two per room with full PPE, but if they decide even that can’t happen, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I cannot make competent doctors over Zoom. I can’t. At some point they have to touch other people and look at other people’s eyes. They have to be able to check real, in-person blood pressure. They have to look at genuine eye movements and ocular surfaces in person and I cannot and will not let them enter clinic until they have the practice and the time and the practicals behind them. I fucking refuse to endanger the public for sixty years because someone in an office somewhere decided a timetable is more important than a patient keeping their ability to see, and I’m ready to fight administration on this if they try to push it.

But if I win the fight, what next? They just...don’t enter clinic next year. They don’t enter my program. I don’t know what they do in the meantime, as this lab meets four mornings a week and the lecture twice. The course is delayed until next year or whenever we have the virus under control again, and suddenly my fall semester sure looks like I’ll be being paid to stay at home and count carpet fibers. I don’t think they’ll fire me--no one else wants to teach my course anyway--but if I win this fight I might put myself right into furlough in the process.

I could be borrowing trouble, I know. They could come back and say that after review, our system and safety protocols (all extremely conservative) are indeed safe enough and we can proceed as we want. They could say that our limited in-person option for lectures (we have several gigantic lecture halls that could easily socially distance) is the only thing that needs to go. They could say that we just need to have smaller lab groups--hellish on me, but doable.

But it’s one more element of stress in my life that I just can’t handle worrying about right now, which is why I’ve been bouncing back and forth between random fics and oneshots (that mermaid one was feverishly written on a single evening Carol spent at her mom’s house) and pouring an ungodly amount of hours into Animal Crossing. At least there I have some control over what happens next.

Sorry, guys. I know this is not the happy update I was hoping for. I’ll try to check in again next month and we’ll see where things end up.

#quark rambles #carol #coronavirus for ts #covid-19 for ts #update post #not a happy one for those who can't handle that right now #anonymous #quark replies

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sagemoderocklee · 4 years

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Hello! For the meta asks, would you do 1, 5, 8, and 17?

you did not come to play, lilac! thanks for all these questions! <3

1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

oh lord. that’s a... question. i have. so many current projects, i don’t even know where to start. this is gonna be long so please bear with me lol i’ll probably give more detail for some fics over others, and i’ll only go over fics I’ve got documents for because otherwise we’d be here forever.

The Art of Love: so this one is obvious because it’s been in progress for the last 2ish years? no i think it’s three now. I won’t go into detail with this because the fic is roughly halfway through, so there’s plenty of content for that up! I’d say the progress with that fic is actually going really well, though. Unlike Alliance, which took 8 years--five years of writing, three of editing--TAoL has been up for way less time, and is already about to hit the halfway mark! I really need to get back to it, tbh because it’s been way too long since my last update.

Honor Bound (sequel to Alliance): so this is.... kind of on pause. I’ve got the first three chapters written, but my focus has been more on TAoL when it comes to my more complicated, long running stories, so HB has taken a backseat. I think I won’t get back to working on the Allied Nations Saga until after TAoL is done, in all honesty.

Find Me: this is my HS AU, which has been on the back burner forever and I feel terrible because I think it may honestly be my most popular fic. Unfortunately, AUs/slice of life stuff is difficult for me because I’m more interested in politics, so I lost momentum on this fic. It is about halfway done. I have a good chunk of chapter six written, but not enough that I could say I’m close to finishing it.

It Eats Your Heart: obviously I just started this one, and it’s a horror fic. I’ve really gotta sit down and do some major plotting on it because I only have some very vague ideas currently.

Pearl-Filled Lungs: this is one of like three ningyo AUs I have--the other are pirate/ningyo AUs (and ones actually a selkie not a ningyo). I started it last year for the GaaLee fest, and it’s been sitting unfinished for far too long. I finally sat down recently and plotted the whole thing out, so I’m hoping to get back to working on it soon! It’s only 5 chapters in total, so I don’t think it’ll take me super long to get through once I sit down and do it.

Who Dares to Love Forever: This is a working title, and I may change it. This is a fic idea I’ve had for a couple years, inspired by the song Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen. This particular fic is a vehicle for my sage mode!rock lee headcanon, and explores just how effective Chiyo giving Gaara her life would have been given she was an old biddy. So the idea for this fic is that Gaara’s running out of time because Chiyo only had so much to offer.

Absolution: this is another fic that I’ve had on the back burner for years. it was initially inspired by art by @brianadoesotherjunk but quickly spiraled into something much bigger because of course it did. This particular fic is one I’m extremely excited about. I need to go back over the first part, because I feel like it’s not quite right, but I do technically have the first part done. This fic follows Gaara struggling with bouts of narcolepsy that trigger nightmares induced by trauma and guilt from his childhood. These nightmares are incredibly dangerous for obvious reasons, but even more so because Temari’s baby is on the way. Temari and Shikamaru are married, living in the Kazekage estate, and with their baby coming and both needing/wanting to get back to work, they also need a nanny. Unbeknownst to Gaara, the year prior to the events of the fic, Maito Gai died, succumbing to the 8th Gate finally, and Lee has since been spiraling. His depression has become so self-destructive that he’s been taken off active duty. Shikamaru, along with the rest of the Konoha 12 (minus Neji and Sasuke), get together and discuss what to do. Tenten believes that Lee being a nanny would be the perfect thing. And so Rock Lee is sent to Suna, hired by Shikamaru and Temari as their live-in nanny...

We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips in a Garden of Gardenia’s, Yet We Go the Way of the Red Camellia: true to form, I decided that a hanahaki fic was something I had to do, and I was not going to pass up the chance at being as Extra As Possible with the flowery language, ergo the ridiculous title. I’ve gotten part way through the first chapter of this fic, but the whole thing is roughly plotted out and each chapter title is just as extra as the whole fic’s title.

Thirteen Strokes: so this is a fic I have--once again--had on my mind for ages, and--once again, because I am nothing if not a caricature of myself--inspired by a Florence+the Machine song, All This and Heaven Too. I started writing this the other night, as I wanna use it for GaaLee bingo. It’ll be 13 chapters, as per the 13 strokes that it takes to make the character for love, ai, in Japanese. The fic is from Gaara’s PoV, and follows his journey with and his relationship to love, with lots of worldbuilding and politics because it wouldn’t be an Eeri Original without those things.

Scarification: this is another idea for bingo based around the prompt shinshoubyou, which is a fictional disease where your emotions cause physical marks on you

Fill in the [ ]: another bingo idea, based around the prompt bouaishoukoigun, the fictional disease where you forget the person you love if it’s unrequited.

The Eagle’s Augury: an idea that allows me to play around with more worldbuilding and focus on Karura. In this fic, the curse (mentioned briefly on the Naruto wikia) that has led to every single Kazekage being assassinated, is coming for Gaara, and Karura is trying to warn him from beyond the grave. At the same time, Temari and Shikamaru’s marriage is approaching, and their ceremony is being held in Suna, with all the fan fair a marriage for someone from the Kazekage line should see. Again, another fic inspired by Miss Florence+the Machine, the song is Mother

Pomegranate Sun: this is a fic that I am... so excited about. Another fic that was originally inspired by a Queen song, Under Pressure, and has of course taken on a life of its own. This fic, I am actually going to be writing with @ghoste-catte! It’s an arranged marriage trope, and I’m super pumped for it! We’ve only got a little bit started, and it has obviously not taken priority for either of us since we both have a lot of fics on our plates.

The Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix: this is a fic I’m really excited but is going to take a LOT of research to get off the ground. I had this idea sometime last year, I wanna say? This fic is another self-indulgent headcanon about Lee’s origins, his family, etc. This fic starts when Gaara shows up on Lee’s doorstep, asking him to accompany him to another country for reasons Lee cannot understand. Gaara has been in talks with Phoenix Kingdom, hoping to forge a new relationship only to find that the Emperor wants to use shinobi for militaristic purposes. Lee doesn’t understand what help he could possibly offer the Kazekage, but he can’t very well turn him down.

okay, i’m gonna stop there. these are the ones I have titles and documents for, and honestly that’s probably way more than you wanted to know about lol

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Despite the fact that most of my fics end up from Gaara’s PoV, I actually identify with Lee the most!

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

Yes! Which is hard to find, tbh, because I am a sucker for political dramas with slow burn romances, but I don’t see a lot of that in the GaaLee fandom. I’m not as into like slice of life or short stories where the characters get together quick, I’m really not into established relationship fics unless it’s a sequel, so I tend to avoid those. I like AUs but it really depends on the AU, because I ultimately prefer the canon and I love seeing the way people write the shinobi world and all its rules and cultures and things. I’m just a big fan of worldbuilding, politics, and slow slow burns. Not this 25k SLOW BURN! crap because that is NOT a slow burn. I wanna see a fic that’s 200k words in and they still haven’t even figured out they’re in love! I like stories I can really sink my teeth into, ya know?

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Oh gosh. I generally don’t think too much about it except like hoping people don’t think I’m like a stuck up asshole because of how I talk about my writing, writing in general, my hcs, etc. I mean, obviously I don’t expect everyone in this fandom to like me--and there are ppl I’ve gone out of my way to be vocally against because they do nasty shit--but largely I feel like I come across as too intense, so even the general population of GaaLee fans that I do want to interact with I’m always a lil nervous that people secretly don’t like me and basically are like “oh god this bitch again” when they see me in the tags. But I just get really excited and invested in my ideas, and honestly for the longest time this fandom was SO small and there weren’t a lot of people putting out content regularly so it was like a handful of us so I think it made me more emphatic about GaaLee lol I think I always like assume people aren’t as excited about my writing as I am or that people are like “too much politic, i need more romance”.

I’m always surprised when people really love my AUs, like Kado or Find Me have had such fantastic reception, and it’s like people just eat that shit up so much. And then I look at like Alliance or Art of Love and get kind of confused because I think by comparison those are more interesting and more developed than my AUs. I put a shit ton of work into everything I write, especially anything that requires research, so it’s not to say that I do less work per say, just that I feel like TAoL and things like it are more interesting and more developed, and the relationship feels.... somehow more to me there than in an AU.

a lot of my motivation really just comes from the lack of content this fandom had for so many years, and the fact that Naruto could have been a much more interesting series and I love worldbuilding so much. I think my motivation for each fic is different though. Like Alliance was started because I wanted to write something different from what was mainly in the fandom at the time because mind you I started that in 2010. But my motivation for TAoL is more wanting to tell a beautiful story with a complex narrative that looks at the failings of the shinobi world. Whereas like any slice of life fic is really just meant to be a fun break. And sometimes I write something literally just because I wanted to fulfill that trope for the GaaLee fandom--again, a lot of my ideas have been sitting for years and years and years (TAoL was an idea I had literally right after starting Alliance, but I didn’t get to it until 2017), so a lot of ideas that are old are because at the time that trope hadn’t been fulfilled yet in the fandom though that’s changing a lot with the recent GaaLee Renaissance of the last couple years.

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gremlinquisitor · 4 years

Text

Recreate His Worldly Glory HYPE POST!!

art by @vjatoch from Chapter 12!

Have you ever:

Wished for a 200k+ fic about Sebastian Vael that updates regularly and is guaranteed to be completed? (It’s all right there in my gdocs, just waiting to see the light of day!)

Wanted to follow Sebastian back to Starkhaven after the end of DA:2 and see if his past catches up to him?

Wanted to see what could happen if Sebastian started questioning the institution he’s given so many years of his life to?

Wondered if the whole* Kirkwall crew couldn’t find a place to live in Sebastian’s Starkhaven? (*read the fic to find out why this asterisk is here.)

Do you like:

Sebastian POV?

The Chant of Light?

Chaste Sebastian whose vow is respected by Hawke?

Sebastian living up to his offer to give Fenris a job training the city guard?

A loving relationship that builds up slowly and is tested, but ends happily?

Explorations of grief and the significance of Sebastian’s returning to his family home?

Art? Really, though, there is so much art to go with this fic (Not in order, more to be posted!)

Grey Wardens?

Reunions?

Sebastian bathing? (Twice!!)

One (1) Hecking Plot Twist ™

Goran** and Seneschal Granger? (**Trust me on this.)

Then Recreate His Worldly Glory might just be the fic for you, and if you start now and read very fast you could be caught up for this week’s exciting update!

banner by @luciferesque!!

Not convinced? Don’t just listen to me, here’s what some readers have had to say in the comments!

Welp, one chapter in and you've reconciled Sebastian's Act 3 threats with more nuance than I've ever seen.

I haven't read a lot of Sebastian-centered fic before, but I'm realizing how wonderful and necessary it is to get inside his head and fill in the gaps Bioware left... And for the first time, I'm feeling such a surge of empathy for him. He made a mistake. And now he knows why (and Bethany is the perfect one to tell him!), and he is so desperate to atone. His prayer was so sincere, I can't help but feel for him.

The way you described the countryside around Starkhaven and the lower ring of the city made my heart happy cos I'm a sucker for that kind of a thing, too. I can imagine the orchards and the farmers who are too busy to mind a bunch of strangers passing; it's a picture that's vibrant and alive, and I'm hoping you'll explore the outskirts more in later chapters! Also, the way you described the little houses was wonderful!

I can't stress enough how captivating this story is! I've started reading your work yesterday and-- woah.. I have no words but appreciation and immense amazement! The way you write characters makes it so much easy to relate, to sympathise to their unseen (in the game) struggles, and Sebastian's conflicting character is presented so great, I'm in absolute awe!

Wow, you REALLY know how to capture grief, especially how grieving for a lot of people brings back grieving of previous losses. Of course the bereavement process is different for everyone, but I feel like the way you're writing Hawke's is so raw and deep that it hits hard for anyone in terms of understanding how she is feeling.

I WILL NOT LIE. I swooned when Sebastian went all regal and cocky on the guards! No time for softness, indeed. And then he went ahead and flustered that maid, too. HNNGH. VERY LOVELY MENTAL IMAGES.

As prince-turned-king, and especially one that's just walked into the city as its new leader, Sebastian knows the importance of making the right impression, and clothes are very much part of that. It's only his first official day as ruler, yet there is so much to do, and it's not surprising he's praying for guidance every step of the way.

I love how you weave in all these memories and Sebastian's remorse at his past conduct - his inner world is so complex under the calm exterior and I love how you write him!

Awwww look at them communicate! I'm so proud :')

(Thank you so much to everyone who’s commented so far, your words mean more to me than you can imagine)

Like the sound of this and want to get started right away? Here’s another link to the story! Want to have a look around first, see headcanons, aesthetic posts, etc? Here’s a tag for the fic! Here’s a playlist on Spotify! Here’s another one with more instrumental music that I listened to when I wrote it!

Want to know more before you dive in? My ask box is always open!

#sebastian vael #sebastian x hawke #sebastian x f!hawke #sebhawke #dragon age 2 #dragon age ii fic #dragon age 2 fic #my fic #recreate his worldly glory #just puttiing this in all the tags that I can think of #we're almost to the halfway point so I thought I'd do a little promo

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fmradio-johnnystation · 5 years

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Writing wrap up of 2018

Wooooooooah 2018 passed so quickly?? ngl when this year started, I just wanted it to be over. But this year I got back into writing around May and I’m so grateful that I did! So here’s a little summary of my writing year.

Stats:

List of Fics Posted:

The game begin ; NCT ; Jungwoo/Lucas.

Red as blood and green as seaweed ; Stray Kids ; Hyunjin/Seungmin Glow ; Stray Kids ; Hyunjin-centric Love is ; Stray Kids ; Hyunjin/Felix Storm and stars ; Stray Kids ; Felix/Jisung, Chan/Minho, Changbin/Hyunjin & Jeongin/Seungmin Of detention and makeout sessions ; Stray Kids ; Felix/Jisung Of locker rooms kisses ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Woojin Of studios and nose kisses ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Jisung Of palm kisses and chipped nailpolish ; Stray Kids ; Felix/Woojin Guess how much I love you ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix Of warm beds and morning coffee ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Minho Sharp fangs and blood stained hands ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Seungmin Dishes, vaccuum cleaners and soft kisses ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Woojin Twist and turn, moonchild ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Jeongin For as long as I am breathing ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix I’ll hold you as you bleed ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Hyunjin Take my hand and never let go ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix/Woojin Hocus pocus ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix Fuzzy socks, ugly sweaters and sweet ‘I love you’s ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix/Woojin 31 days of kisses ; Stray Kids ; multiple ships Twisted Souls ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix [Unannounced skz exchange fic]* ; Stray Kids ; TBA

*WIll update with tag and name later when the fic is announced.

Total number: 22 Total word count: 228.442 Ship/character breakdown:

I always try to vary the ships I’m writing to give content to all ships, even the small ones. But over this year I’ve come to love Chanlix a lot, so the ship I’ve been writing the most is Chanlix, Jilix being a close second.

Characters that had the main focus:

My top 3 of 2018 is: 1. Chan, who’s the main in 13 fics 2. Felix, who’s the main in 9 fics 3. Hyunjin, who’s the main in 6 fics

I’m obviously aussie line biased. Also I’ve realized that I really enjoy writing Chan for some reason.

Specifics:

Best/worst title?

Best: For as long as I am breathing. I have no idea why I like it so much, maybe it’s because I like the au so much but it just makes me happy when I see the title.

Worst: Red as blood and green as seaweed because ?? what ?? but since it was just a short thing I’m not gonna bother it hdhd

Best/worst first line?

Best: The moon was bathing the lush, green forest in its sickly white light as it slowly rose on the dark sky. - From Twist and turn, moonchild. I just really liked this one for some reason. It sets the mood really nicely imo. Worst: “You look nervous,” his father noted as their carriage was making its way towards the castle. - From For as Long as I am breathing. This is just... uGH like I don’t really hate it, it’s just that I wrote it just to get started with the whole fic and then I never went back to change it and it just feels kind of awkward.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The stories of the creature so twisted and the soul so kind. - From Twisted souls. I just really like this one, unclear why really. But I really enjoyed the last two paragraphs of this fic.

Worst: “Thank you for being my bodyguard.” - From Twist and turn, moonchild. Because... what? why and uGh no. I struggled with wrapping this fic up because I wanted to keep it short and I guess I just pulled smth out of my a ss to just end it.

Best/worst summary?

Best: This is the story about a creature so twisted by evil, who found their way home. - From Twisted souls. I really liked this one. Because it sort of gave some of the plot away, as a summary probably should do, but also kept to the more poetic vibe I went with for this fic.

I also really like: The sun rose, painting the sky a beautiful pink as it bathed the landscape in its warm light. In the comfort of his home, their home, Woojin awoke slowly, surrounded by nothing but love and warmth. - From Take my hand and never let go. Simply because this is one of few summaries that I actually wrote specifically to be summaries.

Worst: Vampire!Chan & Witch!Felix in a very domestic setting. - From Hocus pocus. I don’t really have a summary that I really dislike so I’ll just put this one here simply because it just stares the content and it’s pretty boring.

Favorite 5 lines from anywhere?

1. “You know what would be even better?” Felix asked and Chan hummed, lips still pressing against Felix’s skin and his hand came to rest on Felix’s thigh. “If you married me this winter.” - From For as long as I am breathing.

2. “I’ll chase the fear and the pain away, love,” he promised as Hyunjin let out a choked sob. - From I’ll hold you as you bleed.

3. “You’re no longer wilting away,” Felix’s whispered, stroking the back of his hand over Chan’s cheek. - From Twisted souls.

4. “And then they lived happily ever after,” he said, pressing his lips against Felix’s. - From Storm and stars.

5. But he was getting better. - From Glow.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Considering that I wrote 700 words last year, so for me to write over 200k... that was very unexpected.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Stray kids because 1. I didn’t stan them last year and 2. I barely wrote anything last year.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I don’t... I don’t really know. All my three longfics are special to me but I think For as long as I am breathing or Twisted Souls takes the prize as my favorite... I think I’m gonna have to say For as long as I am breathing.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

The most popular must have been Storm and Stars, but its also the oldest of my multichaptered fics. 31 days of kisses and For as long as I am breathing are both closing in on Storm and stars when it comes to the amount of hits.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

TWISTED SOULS. But also like, its just recently been completed (and I know some people dont read unfinished fics), its a pretty underrated ship (so I guess not a lot read fics about them) and the tags + the word count might be a bit intimidating.

Story that could have been better?

[Redacted] could definitely have been better. I didn’t manage to get a full grasp of how I wanted the plot until it was maybe a bit too late and it ended up super rushed.

Saddest story?

Twisted souls probably. It deals with some pretty heavy things and yeah, it’s the saddest thing I’ve written this year.

Most fun?

hM.... Most of my fics are pretty serious or just straight out fluff and not really funny in that way. But... maybe Hocus pocus ? Unsure but that’s the funniest of my fics lmao.

Story with single sweetest moment?

For as long as I am breathing has a bunch of insanely sweet moments and I just love that au.

Hardest story to write?

Twisted souls but that’s mainly because of the fight scenes. I’m pretty bad at action so that was a challenge.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

For as long as I am breathing... That was insane. The words just came to me like poOF and it was so easy to write for me... why is very very unclear.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don’t... think it did no. Not what I can come to think of.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I tried writing action, but that’s more of a challenge than a risk I guess. I don’t think I took any risks per say but I challenged myself a little with action. I’ve also tried to work on my descriptions, both nature and clothing. Not a risk, but a challenge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Wips I really want to finish: - Sequel to For as long as I am breathing - “Suffer suffer scream in pain” aka a gore piece I’m working on - A new merboy fic

General goals - Get better at descriptions - Work on writing action scenes - Be a bit better at editing - Write around 300k - Start working on my own original piece

That was everything... I think! 2018 has been an amazing year for me, writing wise, but I’m a bit sad I didn’t get back to it earlier. However, the response I’ve gotten this year has been amazing and I don’t have enough works to express my gratitude.

Thank you!

#writing things #julia's writing #fic wrap up #wrap up 2018

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untitlednovelist · 5 years

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NaNoWriMo Has Finished...

So, I want to start off this blog post with a big apology. I’d planned to do, at the very least, weekly updates on my progress, but it was my first time trying to do NaNoWriMo and blog at the same time. Obviously, didn’t go well. I will try to do better next time.

Now, onto the actual post.

So, NaNoWriMo is over. At least for me. Some of you may still be writing, but as of 11:20 pm on November 30, 2018, I am calling my NaNo done.

The result?

I won!

The problem?

I’m nowhere near finished...

I’d gone into NaNo with high expectations, but tried not to overdo it. You could say I was rebelling by working on projects I’d already started, but starting a new project is more suggestion than hard, fast rule, and all words counted towards my word count were new words (if I work on previous projects I NEVER count words written before the event start).

My plan going into NaNo was to finish two books: When Wolves Cry (the one I’m posting on Wattpad) and the final book in a different series was the other. I didn’t finish either. About halfway through NaNo I decided to focus on just the series book, and left When Wolves Cry with a month’s worth of chapters finished.

I’d hoped to get 100k or so done, though really just wanted to finish the books.

I ended NaNoWriMo with 50,300 words. I finished When Wolves Cry Chapters 17-21 and Chapters 13-26 of my other novel.

My feelings are a bit mixed. I’m glad it’s over, glad to have finished, but I’m also disappointed. This month turned out to be a struggle for many reasons, including not feeling well on several days.

On the other hand, I discovered a few things that I think will help me in the future.

Lesson #1: Sprints are your friend.

Honestly, never really bothered with sprints. The closest I went to sprinting was the made dash to finish a chapter when I hadn’t even started it and it was already 11pm.

This year, however, I actually set an alarm for myself and wrote until the timer went off. I learned in ten minutes, going at a more leisurely pace, I can do 500+ words. In 20 minutes, 1k. On previous occasions, I’d wrote a 2-3k chapter in an hour, but it was usually during that mad dash I mentioned. This time though, with the help of sprints, I learned it can do it if I want, whenever I want, so long as I break it down.

I was doing ten minute intervals, but did try twenty. I’ll continue to experiment with other times to see what works best.

Lesson #2: Drafts can be messy, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Alright, so I know drafts are meant to be messy. They’re not a final product. There’s so much rewriting and editing that goes into them after before they can be considered really good.

Thing is, I’ve always gone into writing with an outline and my idea fleshed out. When I write drafts, I write them from beginning to end, and that tends to be my finished novel looks like. Sure, things are changed here and there. I may move a scene to a different spot or add/delete some things, but I always write a whole chapter.

This year? I let myself skip stuff, and it felt freeing!

See. There is a reason they suggest you start a new project. The fact is, going in with a previously unfinished project can lead to forgotten plot lines, characters, etc. It can also mean having a hard time connecting again with the story and characters.

It was so hard to write my story. It took me so long to finish a chapter, and I was dreading writing. Nothing was working. The story just wouldn’t come out.

Then I got to a chapter, and had enough. I looked at my outline, saw what was there, and decided that I’d skip a good chunk of it. So, after making note of it in a separate document, I did just that.

And it worked! I was able to continue on with the next portion without any problems. It was like I gave myself a new start, even though I was in the middle of my novel.

We have to remember that drafts are just that. Drafts. They’re meant to give us a starting point, not an end point.

Lesson #3: When you aren’t feeling well, don’t force it.

There were years pass where I would have powered through anything to finish. And sure, I had years back then where I did anywhere from 100k-200k because of it. Do I miss those years? Yes. But, sometimes you need to take care of yourself first.

Didn’t sleep well and feel too groggy to focus? Take a nap. Have a splitting migraine? Relax. Can’t seem to focus at all? Take a break.

You don’t have to kill yourself to finish your novel.

Doesn’t mean using all of that as an excuse not to write. No one is forcing us to write, but if you want to write, you can’t just wait for inspiration to hit all the time. However, it doesn’t mean that writing should be painful, not physically at least.

Take time for your health and peace of mind.

Only three lessons, but they’re important ones that I think we sometimes forget in the craziness of NaNoWriMo or any big project.

Anyways, for anyone who participated, hope your month was filled with a lot of creativity. Just remember, winning or losing isn’t the point. That fact that you sat down and wrote is awesome, and you’re awesome for trying!

For those still writing, keep going, friends! Can’t wait to see you on the other side of the finish line!

If anyone participated, I’d love to hear from you. How did your month go? Did you get all your goals done?

#writer #writers #writers of tumblr #writing #novel writing #Writing tips #nano #nanowrimo

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bouwrites · 3 years

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Progress Update

Because I have been writing for so long and I need to record tangible progress or my dumb monkey brain will go on strike.

So, remember the FE3H beast unit fic I’ve been talking about? I’m finally getting somewhere close to the end of the Academy Phase. There’s like 4-5 chapters left before White Clouds is finished and I’m sobbing.

I just finished chapter 28 (Which, noting for my dumb monkey brain that wants to see progress, at 6k words a chapter is 168k words, and chapters are generally between 6-7k, so it’s actually more than that - my longest single fic until now is 128k words, and remember that this calculation for the current story is not even finished with Academy Phase) so my road ahead is looking like:

29 - Dividing the World (Hilda Paralogue - I don’t do most paralogues but I decided this one is important and should appear in the fic) 30 - Throne of Knolwedge 31 - Interim Chapter 32 - To War 33 - Post-battle chapter? (Most likely, but depends on how Ch. 32 goes, I’m trying not to think too hard about it) ---------End Academy Phase--------- At least 3 chapters of Interlude (I’m aiming for 5), during the 5 year timeskip in-game, because the beast unit that the story is kind of about doesn’t go the way of poor Byleth. ---------Start War Phase--------- 1 - Reunion at Dawn (Maybe? Or maybe that’s 2 or 3?) ??????? Profit.

As you can see, I have the War Phase planned out spectacularly. To be honest, I’m just praying that I see the Academy phase through to the end.

I mean, I will, because once I’m this close I just gotta, but you get the point.

I need to plan out the interlude a little more before I think about the War Phase, especially because I’m still going back and forth about bringing a character from the interlude into the War Phase and, you know, a whole character is kind of an important thing to know about when planning how a plot goes.

This character, I love him a lot, and I really like the idea of bringing an outsider with no experience of the Academy phase in during the War Phase. But also, like, I neglect a lot of characters already - or it feels like it anyway. I think Ignatz has had like, 2 dialogue lines and never truly has a moment w the MC. (That’s kind of on purpose). Caspar is sort of similar, except he has a few moments. (That’s much less on purpose, though I don’t think I mind it that much). Felix is basically the same as Ignatz. (Because I cannot justify the MC, as the character he is, not being scared out of his fur by Felix). And there are some more, but there just isn’t enough space to properly work with every character.

Like, if I slow down the pacing much more, I won’t like it. And also I will probably die. But at the same time, I want to include a lot more with more of the other characters, you know? So, like, yes the War Phase cuts down on the character count by quite a lot, but I’m still unsure about introducing a new character, just for my sanity. I feel like the War Phase should be at a quicker pace than the Academy Phase, but...

Ugh, this is what I mean when I say I don’t have this stuff planned. It’s not that I don’t know what to do, there are just a lot of decisions to make and they’re hard decisions :(

Shiny for my monkey brain:

My current estimate for the Academy Phase is over 200k words (168 + (6 x 5) = 198: +everything over 6k from every chapter, and I have more than 2 chapters exceeding 7k so the 2k difference is not in question)

My current chapter estimate for AP is 33, which means I am well over 80% complete, which is a B, which is a passing grade.

Chapters 30 and 31 are, like, really solid in my head so I have some Good Writing Vibes for getting through those, and then I’m basically done.

I’m, like, basically done with the Academy Phase, which, because of how they should be paced, is probably(?) not-insignificantly more than halfway through the fic.

I do, generally, know which characters aren’t going to survive the War Phase, so there is at least some planning of the War Phase done.

Let me Panic! brain:

200k words for the freaking Academy Phase alone are you kidding me? What even is this fic going to be??? Can I get off this train????

I still have the interlude (~30k estimated???? that’s literally a shorter fic unto itself???) and the War Phase (Only God Knows the length) to go.

Help me. I’m begging.

I literally did not even want to start this fic because I literally foresaw this very pain, and yet here I am. doing this.

#hint hint #speak #long post #ALL THE LONG FORM FE3H FICS IM READING ARE IN PROGRESS AND DONT HAVE THE WAR PHASE YET #i mean some are IN it but i dont have half as much reference

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elisedevaney · 6 years

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Life Update

Hi everyone!

I know I haven’t really been active lately. There’s been a lot of crazy stuff going on, and it’s been kind of hectic.

So during the last week of October, I managed to finally write two words I’ve been waiting to type up for almost two years now: “The End”. My book was finally finished! The first draft ended up being 491 pages and just shy of 200k words. It’s a big book to be sure, but I know the final draft will be drastically different. That being said, almost 500 pages of a book is nothing to sneeze at.

The next phase is an Alpha Readthrough, which means that my boyfriend (who is an avid reader and is familiar with my genre) will go through my story and give me comments on what he likes, what he doesn’t, what’s working within the story, and what’s not. Right now he’s about halfway done with his readthrough, so he’s working at a pretty remarkable pace!

However, I’m expecting things to slow down writing wise, due to the holidays coming up. My boyfriend and I are planning a few road trips. A new job might be on the horizon for both of us, and that may mean moving to a new state. Obviously, writing will take a back seat for a bit, while we plan our move and pack up everything.

Still, I’m planning out the next steps for my novel, even if I can’t act on them for a bit. After my boyfriend is done with his readthrough, I’ll take a look at his notes, read over the story again while making my own notes, and begin writing the second draft. I’m expecting this stage to go a lot quicker than writing the rough draft, because now I have something to build on instead of having to come up with everything from scratch. After that draft is done (I’m hoping it will take me no longer than two months) I’m going to probably do one more edit, write the synopsis and prepare for beta readers!

If you would are interested in becoming a beta reader for me, please let me know! The more volunteers I have the better. I’ll be writing up a blog post for what I’m looking for when I get closer to a polished manuscript, but becoming a beta reader basically means you will be reading my story and adding your comments to it while you read. There will also be a little questionnaire at the end of each chapter that will ask your thoughts on what you just read. So, if you’re interested, or have any other questions, please let me know!

So, that’s pretty much what’s been going on with me the past couple months. I apologize for being so absorbed in my work that I let this blog fall to the wayside, but I’m going to try to bring it back! I just ask for your patience until the holidays have passed. Hopefully things will settle down by then.

Until then, Happy Holidays and to all a good writing session!

-Elise <3

#writing #creative #novel #amwriting #writers life #book #first draft #writing process #life update

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bettsfic · 7 years

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stuff i’ve learned about writing after 1 year in an MFA program

my post “stuff i’ve learned about writing after 10 weeks in an MFA program” was a big hit, so i thought i’d write an updated one after two full semesters in my program, which is halfway through. one more year to go!

find what you’re afraid of and let it hurt you. this is a tall order and it’s one of the most important things i’ve learned. if you’re hesitant, if you’re blocked, if something is keeping you from moving forward, recognize that thing is always fear, and the sooner you put a name to it, the sooner you face it, the sooner you embrace it and let it do its damage to you. you don’t have to be immune to fear, and you don’t have to be stronger than it or better than it. you can let it knock you down and kick you a few times, but you’ve got to stand back up. you don’t need to be impenetrable -- fuck having a thicker skin. you can let shit hurt you. you can drown in how afraid you are. but you have to be tenacious. if your writing is important to you, you’ve got to fight for it.

you can do whatever the hell you want, for whatever reason you want, and you don’t owe anybody anything. in workshop we talk a lot about who can get away with what in writing (and by that we mean, white men can get away with everything). sometimes i read faulkner and i think, i hate this. this is everything i can’t stand about writing. but i respect that he got away with all his weird quirks -- useless repetition of words, minimal revision, overwrought exposition, atrocious pacing. all the rules we give ourselves, all these constraints are useless. like. fine, tell don’t show. use hanging participles and run-on sentences. invert freytag’s pyramid. ramble. lean into your purple prose. it doesn’t matter, none of it matters. if you like it, keep it. you don’t have to justify your own taste. and if someone calls you out? shrug and say, “stylistic choice, buddy. i do what i want.” it’s important to know the rules exist but it’s more important to break them. it’s your writing, nobody else’s. your words answer to no one.

be vulnerable. i’m a little biased since this was also my new year’s resolution, but it’s been a wild ride. i told myself in january that my focus this year was going to be on allowing myself to be vulnerable all the time, take opportunities and communicate with people how i feel about them, and it’s had a huge impact not only on my life and relationships, but on my writing too. opening myself up to non-judgmental introspection and setting down the drive to be tough has made my work way more emotionally nuanced -- i no longer write to tell a good story, but to explore some facet of living i hadn’t previously understood. i’ve found a level of self-acceptance i didn’t think i could ever achieve. reading has become easier, because i no longer get petty or jealous of writing that is better than mine. receiving rejections has become easier, because it’s a reflection on my work, but i still appreciate the work for what it is. it’s kind of amazing living life like this, and some days it’s hard but some days it’s thrilling. but vulnerability, like everything else, takes practice. you know when you confront it because it’s about leaning into discomfort and testing the limits of your own boundaries. being able to write it all down and see how all sorts of interactions affect me now where previously i wouldn’t have let them in is kind of staggering -- the difference is so obvious. i’m a kinder and gentler and more open person because of it, and i think my writing shows that.

become a good literary citizen. being a good literary citizen means watching out for your fellow writers. i subscribe to so many daily newsletters and do so much research every day, and i’m always looking out for my friends, for opportunities for them or resources that might help them. when i read things i like, i try to share them with people who will get something out of them, and i’ve been working harder to get in touch with the author to let them know their work inspired me. i reply to all emails and offer my feedback to writers who want an additional eye on their work. i didn’t realize i guess how much of writing was networking and being a good bro, but i feel like my time is split solidly between reading, writing, and building partnerships with other writers. don’t be afraid to reach out to people you admire and offer whatever you have to give, be it your appreciation for their work or a story or article you think they might like. the writing life is often a lonely one, but being a good literary citizen makes it a much better place for all of us.

talent is meaningless. everyone can learn to write. “you’re so talented!” is a compliment i hear thrown around a lot, and it makes me cringe, because i don’t really believe in talent. i believe that some people might have genetic inclinations or predispositions to creativity, they might fundamentally see the world in a way that would lend itself to beautiful strings of words, but writing, brass-tacks, is a discipline. it is a learned skill, and that means when you start out, you are going to be bad at it. you wouldn’t expect yourself to grab a log and a saw and be able to make a coffee table out of sheer talent, but you might be able to build the table if you experimented a little with it, thought about it, researched it, and maybe took it to someone who had already built a few tables before to give you their input on the project. and then once you’ve built your table, maybe it’s not great, but it’s something, and the next one you build will be sturdier and fancier and maybe have a little drawer for your keys or something. i say this because there are some authors, really famous ones, who believe that you can’t teach writing, and you can’t learn writing. you’re either a writer or you’re not. it’s just not true. you are going to be bad and that’s okay. you’re going to get better and that’s okay too. you’re never going to get better at the pace you want to improve, but the point is as long as you keep writing, keep asking for feedback, keep implementing that feedback, keep thinking about writing, you are going to get better, and you can be just as great as all the famous authors who think otherwise.

battle familiarity. this is more or less the usual “avoid cliches” advice you hear all the time, but on a bigger-picture level. avoiding cliches doesn’t just mean rewording things like “she let go of the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding,” but constantly subverting expected language by pointing to whatever is weird about the scene you’re writing. if you have two characters in a diner, we can see the booths and the coffee and the sassy middle-aged waitress. readers don’t need any of that pointed out. what they need is details they wouldn’t expect. maybe the booths are covered in peeling electrical tape, and the one closest to the door has a spring jutting out, but normally that’s rasheed’s booth anyway, but he isn’t here today for some reason. maybe the coffee has chicory in it. maybe the waitress wears air jordans and has a gold front tooth and a sleeve tattoo, and she’s the mom of a guy you went to high school with and you’re pretty sure he’s a sheepherder in nova scotia now. whenever you’re establishing place or character, the task isn’t fitting them in a box we’re already comfortable with, but constantly asking yourself, “what makes this weird?” then point out all the weird things until you can close your eyes and see every strange inch of this otherworldly diner that doesn’t really exist anywhere but your imagination, filled with people who have full, rounded, fucked-up lives. write in a way that every word defies expectation, and reflects the strangeness of the experiences you want to convey.

TAKE RISKS. this is a repeat from the 10 week article, but good god, it’s so important. take a risk every single day. risks nearly always pay off, especially in writing. if you’ve faced your fears, if you’re vulnerable, then writing becomes more than a discipline. stories get bigger and deeper and more meaningful even if you’re focusing on the microscopic. you can write a 200-word story about a dying houseplant or a 200k novel about a gay Civil War romance, but if you’ve put everything you’ve got into it, it’ll show. you should put so much of yourself into your writing that you’re trembling holding the pages in your hand as you pass them off to someone else to read. you should feel exposed. you should be afraid. you should feel like you’ve just jumped out of an airplane without a parachute. and if you’re not feeling those things, you’ve got some exploring to do. what does the story look like that makes you afraid? that makes you want to take risks? if you stare these questions down and commit to finding their answers, your writing will always improve, and your risks will pay off.

i have a whole writing advice tag if you want to check out my other stuff, and a collection of my writing advice posts from 2016. and always feel free to shoot me an ask if you have any writing-related questions.

#writing advice #dow17

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mveloc · 7 years

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Days of Why and How

Chapter 4

Author’s Note: We finally get the much-anticipated meeting between the two! Also, a heads up--this chapter is just a little NSFW ;) Thank you all for your continued support, for the much appreciated feedback and love that you’ve shown me. Enjoy!

“We’ve just gotta lay low for a little while. The cops aren’t onto us.”

Cosima nearly rolls her eyes at the comment, filling up the pint glass from the tap at the bar. She passes it to Sarah, then repeats the process for Felix. As soon as the two have their beers in hand, they wander back over to their usual table and Cosima steps out from behind the bar to follow them. It’s still fairly early on a weeknight and the bar is quiet aside from a couple of other patrons who’ve already been tended to, so Cosima takes the time to sit down with her friends for a few minutes to hammer out some details.

“And how do you know that?” Felix asks, casually sipping his beer.

Cosima is curious, as well. It’s been three days since their failed attempt and they haven’t heard anything about it. From what she can tell, everything is quiet—too quiet. Why hasn’t she heard anything in the news? Why haven’t the cops tried to contact her?

“Marion’s been keeping her eye out,” Sarah replies. “She says she’s on damage control—she’ll take care of it.”

Cosima doesn’t understand how Sarah can put so much trust in this Marion woman; she doesn’t know anything about her but from what they’ve able to piece together, Marion is about as shady as they come. Even if Sarah is right—if Marion is somehow taking care of their fuck up and sweeping it under the rug—how is she supposed to just stand by and wait?

“Just relax,” Sarah mutters, gulping down her beer.

Cosima fumes.

“How am I supposed to relax? I have a record, Sarah!” she snaps. “Wouldn’t it seem suspicious to you if a high-end security system was hacked just a couple of weeks after I’ve been released? I went to prison for a job just like this! Any cop with half a brain in their head would be dragging my ass in for questioning right about now.”

She knows she needs to play it cool but the truth is, she’s been an anxious mess. Their botched operation only has a small part to do with it, though; she’s more anxious over Delphine’s involvement in the entire thing and what this could possibly mean for her.

“This isn’t going to come back to you, Cos. I promise,” Sarah reiterates.

“You can’t promise me that,” Cosima mumbles, shaking her head.

She’s heard that promise before and by now she’s learned better than to trust it.

Sarah’s expression softens, her eyes shining with sympathy. She understands where Cosima is coming from and realizes that her concerns are completely valid, but she also knows that she needs to keep her friend from slinking down into the dumps; she can’t allow Cosima to panic and wallow in thoughts of prison and Delphine and all of her failures.

“This Marion bitch, she’s pretty powerful. She's got some sort of pull in law enforcement—that’s what she told me,” Sarah says, trying to put Cosima’s mind at ease. “She says she’ll make sure the cops never tie it back to any of us.”

“If she’s so powerful, why doesn’t she steal the fucking files herself?” Felix asks.

Cosima nods, agreeing with younger man.

“I dunno,” Sarah shrugs. “But for 200k—who cares?”

“I care,” Cosima counters. “Besides, we don’t even have the 200k. We botched the job, remember? You can kiss that money goodbye.”

After something like this, DYAD would undoubtedly be updating their security system and taking the necessary precautions to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. Completing this job the first time proved to be a difficult task and that was before DYAD even knew there was trouble afoot. Now that they know they have enemies trying to rob them? It’s going to be nearly impossible.

“Marion says we may have another shot, but it’s gonna take her a little while to get everything sorted. She says she’ll call me once everything’s back in line.”

Cosima laughs at her friend’s irrational words.

“What? You’ve got cold feet now?” Sarah ask, clearly annoyed.

“We got lucky, Sarah. Assuming she comes through and this somehow doesn’t get back to us, we won’t be so lucky if we fuck it up a second time,” Cosima argues.

“We’re not gonna fuck it up a second time,” Sarah throws back. “Once we have more details, we’ll be able to do it right.”

“DYAD knows someone’s trying to rob them. They’ll be expecting us. What was it you taught me all those years ago? “The trick is, you gotta hit ’em when they least expect it?” Isn’t what you’re suggesting, like, the complete antithesis to your entire thief dogma?”

“Cosima’s got a point,” Felix nods. “If they’re expecting you, we’re going to have to approach this in an entirely different way.”

“Thank you!” Cosima exclaims, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

Sarah frowns, draining the rest of her glass.

“Not to mention that our favourite backstabbing bitch is back in the picture, too,” Felix adds. “How does Delphine play into all of this?”

The very mention of her name causes Cosima’s body to lock up.

“Would you both just forget about Delphine?” Sarah asks, her irritation building fast.

“Oh, I think we’d all like to forget about her, but if she’s also after those files, she probably knows something that we don’t,” Felix says.

He’s got a point.

Cosima’s never met anyone quite as meticulous as her ex. Delphine simply doesn’t operate in the dark. When she runs a job, she has all of the details sorted out before she even considers setting foot in the building. She has no idea what Delphine has been up to these last five years, but it’s clear that she’s still in the game and if she’s after the same thing that Marion is, she probably has a better idea of what’s going on than Sarah.

Cosima shifts uncomfortably in her chair, crossing and uncrossing her legs. Who would have thought things would turn out this way? That Delphine would be reintroduced into her life like this? Even though Sarah had told her to stay away, she knows it’s only a matter of time before their paths inevitably cross again.

They have to.

She used to think that maybe, one day, when she was finally ready to confront her ex head-on, she would look her up and track her down. She would arrive at Delphine’s doorstep and for once catch the blonde off guard. She would be cool and composed as the two of them finally spoke, clearing the air between them once and for all like adults. By the end of the conversation, she’ll have said her piece and be able to move on without looking back.

That was the ideal resolution to all of this bullshit.

She doesn’t want to be angry anymore. She doesn’t want to feel heartbroken or betrayed. She just wants to understand—to be able to look back at everything with a clear mind. She doesn't want to flinch every time she hears Delphine’s name.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Sarah spits, her voice reclaiming Cosima’s attention.

Confused, Cosima follows the punk’s angry gaze across the bar to one of the very familiar pool tables where she spots Delphine running a hand along the table’s cloth as her eyes quickly scan the area. As soon as the blonde’s eyes land on their table, Cosima quickly averts her gaze, bowing her head to try and hide.

“Shit—shit!” she whispers harshly, bubbling with panic. “What do I do?”

“Nothing. Don’t react,” Felix tells her, assuming his best pokerface. “Just play it cool.”

“You don’t think she’ll come over here, do you?”

She’s supposed to be working and she knows she’ll eventually have to go back to tending the bar, but how is she supposed to do her job with Delphine here? She dares to steal another quick glance from over her shoulder and spots the blonde slowly approaching.

“Just keep your head down. Act normal,” Sarah tells her.

Cosima nods, keeping her head low and back turned.

“Um… hello.”

Delphine’s voice is much softer than she remembers. She thinks maybe the European is trying to shrink herself down to size, to present herself as a non-threat so that Cosima will actually engage with her.

“Oh, don’t you dare even start,” Sarah snaps.

Cosima tries to discreetly steal another glance of the blonde from over her shoulder and when she does, she briefly makes eye contact with her before whipping her head back around and averting her gaze to the table.

“C-Cosima?” Delphine asks, her voice uncertain.

“Keep walking,” Felix interjects, matching Sarah’s death glare in an attempt to ward the temptress off.

Delphine’s eyes dart back and fourth between the siblings. She draws her lower lip in, chewing absently as she assesses the situation. Sarah and Felix have made absolutely no attempt to hide their contempt and she knows that she’s outnumbered, that she lacks the home field advantage. She remembers Sarah being rabid at times and completely unpredictable and she doesn’t want this meeting to escalate, but she also knows that she can’t walk away without speaking to Cosima. She decides to ignore the siblings for now, her gaze shifting back to Cosima.

“Sarah said you were out and I—I needed to see you,” she says, stepping closer so that the brunette can no longer avoid her.

Cosima sighs, giving up the charade. She lifts her head to gaze up at the blonde, their eyes finally connecting. As soon as Cosima opens her mouth to speak, Sarah immediately cuts her off.

“No! Don’t you say anything!” she snaps.

She immediately closes her mouth again, Sarah’s wrath silencing her.

“Can we talk?” Delphine tries, her voice bordering on desperate.

“She’s got nothing to say to you, you lying twat,” Sarah spits again.

Cosima knows that Sarah is right, that she doesn’t owe Delphine anything at all. She should probably just tell her to fuck off and carry on with the night. She knows they need to have a conversation, but that conversation doesn’t have to happen now, does it? Maybe she’ll leave Delphine dangling for a while just as the French woman left her for five years. Maybe then she’ll know what it feels like.

Delphine frowns, running a hand through her hair.

“Look, I know you’re probably upset with me—”

“Probably?” Cosima scoffs.

She knows she shouldn’t speak, but she can’t keep the biting comment to herself. Delphine is surprisingly calm about all of this and while she’s always known the blonde to be level-headed, she was expecting a little more … something? She isn’t sure. She certainly wasn’t expecting Delphine to just walk into the bar she used to regular and waltz right up to her like a goddamn missionary asking for a moment of her time.

“Could you please just give me a chance?” Delphine pleads.

Cosima bows her head again, her eyes clamping shut as she tries to process her thoughts and reach a conclusion. What is she supposed to do? Should she listen to Sarah and tell her to take a hike? Or should she see this through? She has to have this conversation eventually, so why not now? Because she’s not prepared. But will she ever really be prepared for what’s about to happen? Probably not. But what if Delphine is finally going to explain herself? What if she’ll finally be rewarded the answers to all of the questions that have been haunting her for these last five years? Isn’t that worth an awkward conversation with an ex? When she looks up back at Delphine again, her hazel eyes silently pleading, she can sense the desperation emanating off of her in waves and it’s something she’s never experienced before. She realizes that maybe she’s not as powerless as she thinks—maybe she does have some power over Delphine that she can use after all. Maybe she isn’t going into this weaponless.

“Okay,” she agrees.

Everyone seems surprised with her decision—even Delphine. Sarah and Felix are gaping and furious as the hacker completely undermines their act.

“Seriously, Cos?” Sarah asks.

She knows that Sarah is just trying to protect her, that she’s doing what she thinks is right for her, but this is something that she has to work through without the help of her family. She knows that deep down, Sarah and Felix understand this. That’s why she’s able to stand, bringing herself closer to Delphine’s height as they remain locked in stare.

“Let’s go.”

Cosima leads her through the bar, completely ignoring the glares of Sarah and Felix. She pushes through the “employees only” door to find Bobby on the other side, the other woman shooting her a confused look—a look which quickly shifts into shock as soon as she notices Delphine following behind her. Bobby is fully aware of their history and Cosima can tell that she’s tempted to say something, but the bartender has enough sense to keep her comments to herself and look the other way while Cosima leads Delphine out through the back door.

Once they’re standing in the alleyway, Cosima finally stops. She summons all the courage she can muster, taking a deep breath before turning around to finally face Delphine properly for the first time in five years.

A beat of silence passes.

The two take the moment to give each other a once over, to confirm that they are, in fact, face-to-face with each other again. Delphine doesn’t look very different from the last time they saw each other—her hair is quite a bit longer but aside from that, she’s exactly as Cosima remembers her… and judging from the smile on the blonde’s face, Delphine’s thoughts seem to mirror her own.

“You look well,” Delphine says with a curt nod.

Cosima folds her arms over her chest.

“You didn’t come here to talk about how good I look,” she mutters with a frown, dismissing her former lover’s compliment.

Delphine nods again.

“I… I wanted to apologize,” is all she says. “I can’t imagine what these last five years must have been like for you.”

Cosima scoffs.

“Well, if you had bothered to call or visit or even write me a fucking letter, maybe you would.”

Her anger is beginning to rise to the surface and even though she knows Delphine definitely deserves to experience her full wrath, she tries her hardest to maintain the loose grip she’s kept for so long. She doesn’t want to give her ex the satisfaction—to let her see that even though it’s been five years, the French woman still has any sort of control over her emotions.

“You’re right,” Delphine says quietly, acknowledging her anger.

Cosima is shocked, although she does her best to hide this fact. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she agreed to this conversation, but this certainly wasn’t it. Delphine taking responsibility for her fuck ups? That certainly seems out of character. Maybe she really has changed in the last five years… or maybe this is just another manipulation. Cosima isn’t sure what to think anymore.

“I should have… I should have done something,” Delphine admits, her gaze directed at the ground in what appears to be shame. “I should have been there for you, like you were for me.”

Cosima inhales a sharp breath, her lower lip trembling.

“Then why weren’t you?” she asks, her control quickly slipping.

Delphine lifts her gaze again.

“I was young. I was scared. I panicked,” she explains

She chews on her bottom lip and runs a hand through her hair just as she always did before when she found herself in a difficult situation—when she was upset and trying to hold herself together. Cosima easily picks up on this, but even still, she has a hard time feeling sympathy for her ex-girlfriend.

“What about me?” she throws back in her face, voice beginning to rise. “You think I wasn’t scared? You think every day I spent in there was a fucking picnic?”

“Of course not! I know that!” Delphine bursts.

Her voice seems to echo through the alleyway, bouncing off the narrow walls and slamming into the brunette, trapping them both. Cosima can almost taste the guilt radiating off the French woman and while she’d really like to laugh and shrug it off, she can’t deny it—she’s effected.

Another beat of silence passes.

Cosima’s chest is heaving as she tries to stop herself from both screaming and crying. Delphine’s lower lip is quivering now, her eyes glossy. She clears her throat, taking a page from Cosima’s book and trying to reel in her emotions which are swiftly spiralling out of her control.

“I don’t want to fight, Cosima,” she sighs, her voice wavering with exhaustion. “I’m just happy to see you again. I’m happy you’re free.”

There’s a sincerity to her voice that Cosima can’t help but notice. She shifts back and forth on her feet as she tries to find a greater stability, to keep the ground from falling out beneath her. The air is nippy and she hugs herself a little tighter to keep the autumn chill out (or to trap the heat of their reunion inside).

“What about you?” she shrugs, trying her hardest to appear uninterested. “What kept you so busy that you couldn’t send me a single letter?”

In her heart she already knows the answer but she needs to hear it from Delphine’s mouth.

“I’m… I’m still working for Leekie.”

Cosima can’t help but laugh this time.

“Right. Should have figured,” she nods.

“He’s… sort of made me his partner,” Delphine continues, clearly hesitant to reveal too much for fear of striking a chord. “I’m his second-in-command, I suppose.”

“Wow,” Cosima laughs again. “Worked your way all the way up, huh?”

Delphine frowns.

Even though Cosima laughs and shrugs her off, she can see through the smokescreen rather easily. Cosima has always been like this; instead of tackling her problems head-on and actually acknowledging that she’s upset, she tries to feign apathy. They’ve danced this dance a hundred times before and while Delphine is tempted to call her out, she understands that they aren’t quite on that level yet.

“I’m happy you’re back,” Delphine changes to subject. “I was surprised when I saw Sarah—when I heard her say your name.”

“Yeah, well, me too.”

Delphine smiles.

“I didn’t expect any of this, but I’m happy—really happy,” she adds, taking a step closer. “Happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

When Cosima dares to meet her gaze again, she finds a warmth in the blonde’s eyes that she’s fallen into way too many times in the past much like a puddle, stubbornly refusing (or conveniently forgetting) to acknowledge the abyss she knows is hiding beneath. Maybe this time will be different, she told herself every time as she launched herself into the air like an eager child with a brand new pair of rain boots on the first day of spring, enamoured by the thought of creating the biggest splash… and yet, every single time she found herself sucked into the depths of Delphine like quicksand, left to struggle and drown.

Not this time.

“I’m going back inside,” she says quietly, gesturing towards the door. “I’m sort of in the middle of work.”

She goes to move, to step around her ex-girlfriend, but Delphine is quicker.

“Wait!” she calls out, grabbing Cosima’s arm.

Cosima stops.

She stares down at Delphine’s hand on her arm, a shock ripping through her. At first she thinks it’s anger—anger that after everything, Delphine thinks she can waltz back into her life like the Queen of England, full of influence and demands. Or maybe it’s sense memory—Delphine’s touch pulling her back to an easier time where she both welcomed and craved it. Whatever it is, she knows she’s much too tired to deal with it right now.

“What do you want, Delphine?” she asks, her voice laced with a touch of anger but mostly exhaustion.

“I just want to talk to you,” Delphine says simply, searching her gaze with pleading eyes.

Her hand lingers on Cosima’s arm, thumb gently brushing over the skin she finds. Cosima stares at it for another second.

“Well, I don’t have anything to say to you.”

She shrugs out of Delphine’s grasp but before she can make another move towards the door, Delphine quickly slots herself between her and her destination.

“I don’t believe that,” Delphine presses.

Delphine was always far too astute for her own good. It was one of the things that Cosima initially found attractive about her; there was simply no dancing around the woman—as a con artist, she could see through most ploys with relative ease, or at least she always saw through Cosima whenever the brunette would hesitate.

Cosima sighs.

There are about a hundred things she could say to Delphine—that she thought she wanted to say—but standing in front of her right now, she realizes that it isn’t as important as she once thought. All of those conversations that she’d rehearsed in her head begin to melt away. Sure, she could kick and scream and unleash all of her frustration upon the blonde, but what good would that really do either of them? What good is any of it? Did she really expect any sort of closure from this? Is that why she agreed to have this conversation in the first place?

“Look, I’m happy that everything worked out for you—that you got everything you ever wanted—but I’m over it,” she says. “I don’t need this shit in my life anymore, okay? I’m trying to pull myself together and start over. I don’t need this.”

Now it’s her turn to search the blonde.

Delphine blinks a few times, digesting Cosima’s words. She nods slowly, but Cosima isn’t certain that Delphine is really capable of understanding what it is she’s trying to say—or maybe she doesn’t want to understand. It’s a curious thing, watching the French woman struggle—seeing her at a loss for the very first time since they’ve known each other. Delphine has always been so sure of herself and in this moment of truth, she seems… much smaller than Cosima remembers—vulnerable, somehow.

Cosima cocks her head, trying to unravel her ex-girlfriend’s expression. It isn’t like before, when they were much younger. This isn’t a pokerface—rather the opposite; it isn’t the absence of emotion on the blonde’s face, rather the mixture and clash of so many different ones that has captured Cosima’s attention.

“Can we… be friends? Maybe?” Delphine tries.

“Friends?” Cosima asks incredulously. “You wanna be friends?”

They’ve never been friends. Delphine had said it herself many years ago. It was always more with them, always would be more. Delphine Cormier didn’t know how to have friends and judging by the hesitation in her voice, by the confusion in her eyes, she still hasn't figured it out after so many years.

“I still care about you, Cosima,” she whispers.

Cosima freezes.

She wants to launch herself into Delphine’s arms and hold her until the last five years bleed out of her memory. She wants take those words, fashion them into a knife and slip them quietly but surely between the blonde’s ribs until she strikes her heart. She wants to sigh in relief and scream in frustration at the very same time.

What is she supposed to do with that?

“Unbelievable,” Cosima mutters, shaking her head.

After all this time, without even a real explanation as to why the blonde had abandoned her in the first place, Delphine throws this at her? This was definitely not what she was expecting and before she does something she might regret, she rushes out of the alley as fast as she can, pushing through the door, leaving Delphine.

+ + + + +

“Okay, that’s enough!” Sarah barks, making no attempt to hide her displeasure. “Give someone else a chance to play, yeah?”

The punk stands on the other side of the table, Tony at her side sipping on a Budweiser, the two of them watching as things heat up between the cheeky brunette and her femme fatale. They’re four games deep and tied at two a piece, both determined to emerge victorious and defend their reputations.

“In a minute!” Cosima dismisses her, chalking the end of her cue as she prepares herself for the next game. “We’ve gotta settle this once and for all.”

“Settle what?” Tony asks.

“Who’s the better player,” Delphine answers.

They’ve been going back and forth all night; Cosima had managed to claim the first game as retribution for her very first defeat against the blonde, but Delphine had stepped her game up to claim the second. The third game had been neck-and-neck with Cosima narrowly beating out the European and at that point, Delphine had insisted upon five games to settle the score. Cosima was tempted to turn her down and walk away with her title (she did win their initially agreed upon two out of three games), but she found herself unable to defend against Delphine’s puppy dog pout. Delphine had managed to completely disarm her and steal the fourth game, so now all there’s left to do is for one of them to deliver the finishing blow.

“Who cares?” Sarah rolls her eyes.

While Tony is infinitely more amused by the power play that’s unfolding before him, neither him nor Sarah are particularly invested in the outcome. Delphine eyes Cosima from across the table, her gaze deep and penetrating, bordering on predatory. Cosima tries her hardest to ignore it, shielding herself behind a cocky grin that she hopes will knock the blonde off her stride.

“One last game. Winner takes all,” Delphine says, voice low and almost menacing.

Cosima’s smirk vanishes the second she notices the blonde lick her lips, never breaking eye contact. She knows that look—she spent last weekend getting well-acquainted with it. She feels a flush begin to rise up her neck and she prays to God that her face isn’t burning bright red right now.

“You know, I didn’t come here to watch you two eye-fuck each other all night and hog the bloody table,” Sarah mutters.

Her words fall on deaf ears as Cosima’s gaze remains focused on Delphine’s mouth and she tightens her grip on the cue. The corners of Delphine’s lips twitch into the very briefest of smiles before she places her cue on the table.

“Fair enough,” she shrugs.

Cosima immediately snaps out of her spell when she notices Delphine’s resignation.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

Delphine stalks toward her, each step heavy with purpose—almost as heavy as the look in her eyes which nearly sucks the air out of Cosima’s lungs.

“Bathroom,” she whispers harshly as she brushes by Cosima.

“But… but we’ve got a score to settle!”

“We do.”

She watches—awestruck—as Delphine saunters away from her without even bothering to look back. She disappears into the woman’s bathroom and the three of them are left standing in her wreckage like survivors of a category five.

“What the hell are you waiting for?” Tony asks, nudging Cosima.

Cosima places her cue down on the table.

“Should… should I follow her?”

Tony flashes her a dumbfounded look.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“Right, right. Okay,” she nods, hurrying after the blonde.

She doesn’t do stuff like this.

While she’s always considered herself a free spirit in many ways, she’s never been the girl who meets random strangers in a bar and then follows them home for a night of no-strings-attached passion. All of her past girlfriends had been friends first, their relationships slowly crafted over a period of time. She just wasn’t the kind of person who threw herself headfirst into someone else, but Delphine’s rewritten all the rules.

Just what are they, exactly?

She’d gone home with Delphine after the blonde had defeated her in a quick game of pool and they’d spent the entire weekend entangled in each other like love-starved teenagers. When Monday morning finally rolled around, Cosima had crawled out of Delphine’s bed, slipped into her clothes and ventured off to class as she usually did. Sarah had instructed her to play it cool, that a girl like Delphine didn't like to feel smothered and if she was really interested in pursuing something with her, she’d have to let Delphine define the boundaries. They hadn’t brought up the “girlfriend” topic at all during the course of their weekend together, but then again, they didn’t do much talking at all. All she knows is that there’s definitely something there between them and Delphine must feel it too, otherwise she wouldn’t have reappeared at Cosima’s regular bar the very next Friday with no notice to challenge her to another game of pool.

Cosima knocks three times on the door to the woman’s bathroom and is instantly drawn in, the door swinging open and Delphine reaching out to grab her. Once she’s inside, Delphine locks the door and slams her up against it, their lips clashing together.

“So I guess this means you like me, huh?” Cosima pants, trying desperately to catch her breath as Delphine breaks their kiss to trail her lips down the column of her neck.

“Something like that,” Delphine murmurs.

She nips at Cosima’s neck, teethmarks still faintly imprinted and the flesh still slightly bruised from their encounter last weekend. Cosima groans, burying her hands in the pile of silky, golden locks atop the French girl’s head as Delphine sinks her teeth a little deeper, branding her again. She could care less about pool, about her flimsy reputation or the fact that Sarah and Tony are most likely snickering amongst themselves on the other side of the door; all that matters is the warmth that’s settled in the pit of her stomach—a warmth that is quickly starting to rise, to spread throughout the rest of her body like a fever. Delphine’s hands cup the swell of her breasts through her shirt and bra and Cosima bites down hard on her lower lip to stifle herself, lashes fluttering as her arousal begins to overwhelm her.

The craziest place she’s ever had sex before now was in the back of her car after prom and it had been an awkward experience to say the least. Despite the less-than-ideal location, there’s absolutely nothing awkward about her current coupling with the blonde; Delphine is as graceful a lover as she is an enthusiastic one, her hands knowing exactly where and when to touch, her lips finding the most sensitive spots on Cosima’s body with ease. There isn’t any awkward fumbling, any uncertainty or hesitation. They fit together so naturally that it’s hard for Cosima to imagine herself with anyone else, be it past, present or future.

“I wanna taste you again,” Cosima moans with a lick of her lips.

The words slip out of her mouth and she’s completely unaware of them until she feels Delphine’s body freeze, the blonde halting her ministrations completely. A tiny sigh escapes her lips before they abandon Cosima’s neck. Her hands retreat from fondling Cosima’s breasts and she straightens her spine, standing tall. Even though there are only a few inches between them, at her full height it seems as if she towers over Cosima, boxing her in. The brunette catches a dangerous glint in Delphine’s eyes and she repeats herself once more.

“I wanna taste you,” she breathes, leaning in for another kiss.

Delphine stops her.

“Then get on your knees.”

Cosima’s confused expression immediately shifts when she hears the throaty words slide from her lover’s mouth. The heat that’s been rising in her belly explodes now and her knees go weak, wetness rushing directly to her core. No further incentive required, Cosima drops to her knees and immediately begins hiking up the blonde’s dress, a strangled yet satisfied moan escaping from her when she realizes that Delphine has so conveniently neglected to wear underwear.

She doesn’t have to look up to know that the French girl is grinning from ear-to-ear.

“I guess this means you like me, huh?” Delphine teases, her hands finding Cosima’s dreads, hips bucking in anticipation.

Cosima grins, placing a series of kisses along Delphine’s inner thighs before she hones in on her prize.

“Something like that.”

#cophine #cophine fanfic #fanfiction #days of why and how

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