He and I are on the same page.

Home

Summary: Joel is shocked her words hurt as much as they do. Pairing: Joel Miller x Tess WC: 733 Warnings: 18+MDNI, Grief, child loss, descriptions of blood and wounds. Canonical type violence. A lot of purple prose. Angst. Character introspection out the wazoo. A/N: I don't know guys. I watch the episode. I journal. It's always a mess. I hit post. Honestly, I'm sorry.

~~ Please follow @radiowallet-writes and turn on notifications to be notified of new writing ~~

Gif by @viktorhargreeves

-----

That’s not my fucking home.

Joel is shocked her words hurt as much as they do. How deep they cut. They tear through blood and bone, carving out a space beneath his ribs where his heart still beats despite all efforts. He could have disagreed, denied, refused. But the damage was done. The pain was real.

When had her words become stronger than bullets? Sharper than steel? The horrid crack of fists against flesh? 

Was it before? Before all of this? Before truck batteries and ration cards and fireflies? Lost in the dark of that shitty apartment, cramped bodies and tangled limbs on a mattress not nearly big enough for two? Two people, trying to survive together but somehow apart? Tending wounds and sharing jokes; crapshoot whiskey passed back and forth as battle scars were spared in the smallest of increments. 

Or maybe it had happened in between. Lost in the sparse few moments where hope seemed like a plausible option. Not one he had been ready to entertain just yet, but an idea. One he could ruminate on when everything inevitably went to shit. Something to help sleep come a little easier, when the liquor ran dry and the oxy ran low.

Or had it been quicker than that? A flash and a crack, the site of her molted skin fused into his memory. Putrid shades of ultraviolet red spreading faster than it had any right. A ticking watch, meticulous and cruel, as it steadily took one more thing away from him.

He knows though, that it’s always been there. That potential for crudeness, that risk of pain, the fear of loss. It’s all too tight, a twenty year old memory sinking its teeth in him, blood stuck to his hands, soaked into this shirt, caked beneath his fingernails. He carries it with him, the weight of his daughter painted across his body, his arms so pathetically empty, her blood drying on his skin. 

He can feel it now. He always has and no matter how hard he scrubs, the stain is still there. The weight hangs heavy, too heavy, for something so distant. Yet there are days, more and more and more, he wishes he could look down at his hands, weathered and beaten and so very empty, and still see that sucky shock of black and red. 

He would beg for it if he had the words. 

Tess keeps talking. Of time, of the future, somehow hopeful in the face of her own shortcomings. Death waits at her door as she pushes away the man she refuses to call home, one single request parting her lips. She asks him one thing. This one thing and all he can say is no. 

No. 

He can’t be asked to do this again. To lose someone to this thing, this nightmare. Monsters in the night, shadows of horrors he can’t control. The kind that peel away his flesh and fill him with dread, with only his guilt to keep him company in that shitty apartment, on that tiny bed. 

Joel feels his lip tremble, his hands shake. Does he lean in? Step back? Does he run? Should he stay? 

There’s only one answer. One. 

And it still feels wrong. 

Or is it just that nothing can ever be right? 

There are no goodbyes. No confessions. Later Joel will say there was no time. The lie no worse than the truth; he didn’t have the words. Not then, not now. And as he ran, faster, faster still, Ellie at his heels and smoke in his lungs, he wonders what the price will be this time around. 

There’s no blood dripping down his arms. No marks to wear. No weight to carry. No stains to scrub clean. All he has are her words - cruel in the name of honesty - and in that moment he failed her. He flinched, in the face of her pain, at the beck of her call, refusing to say the thing he knew she could never ask. 

And so he plays them again and again. A staccato in his head, loud and sharp between his eardrums. He flinches every time, his eyes dry and his heart hard, testing the weight of those words on the breadth of his shoulders. Would he carry them for 20 years? One more scar, another stain? Is he strong enough for one more truth? One more failure?

She says it again. 

Home. 

It wasn’t hers. 

Joel wished he had disagreed. 

Round 1 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side B

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Amon

Being catholic is literally the only thing he allowed himself to keep that he got from his father (who was a priest who turned out to be cannibal feasting on children in the orphanage he built). Anyone else would go 'the person who taught me this never lived by this and was using it as a cover, there is no reason for me to believe in it anymore' but this madlad decided it's go big or go home (and he just lost his home ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) and hold to it as if his life depended on it (which totaly doesn't represent how conflicted he really feels about his father despite the superficial hate, no sir, not at all, why would you even think that). His cross necklace was a plot point at other character's moral turnabout, his weapon takes a form of a cross, he talks about God when fighting etc. On a lighter note, he once spent all night doing pushups to stop feeling horny about his coworker. What a loser <3

Literally so catholic he cannot fuck he was in the same room as a woman and felt so guilty about being attracted to her he did push ups all night

He's such a catholic himbo he did push ups for 9 hours to distract himself because had a singular horny thought. I'm not even joking, that's canon

He's like if the antichrist made him catholic and he didn't find out until later

This idiot has the general disposition of a communion wafer.

Orphan raised by a serial killer catholic priest that I'll submit in a second. The priest killed and ate (he's a ghoul) the kids in the orphanage and it's even implied he fed the other kids the flesh of the killed kids like hello eucharistic parallel??? He did not kill Koutarou tho bc he loved him like a real son. 15 years after his father's been caught and thrown in ghoul prison and Amon's become a ghoul cop, Amon still wears the cross he had when in the orphanage *puppy eye emoji* also!! His weapon's ultimate form was a giant cross sword made from a part of himself (he became a ghoul at some point in the story). He used it to kill his dad (he failed bc it wasn't his dad's real body but kudos for trying)

I mean homie was raised by a potentially *censored* human eating priest so that’s. Something.

Justin

he's soo. idk how to describe him. he never takes out his earbuds (which are constantly blasting music), he's killed at least 99 (probably more) monsters by the age of 17, he thinks his boss is god, he dresses like a catholic priest. the autistic homophobic gay guy ever

He is a priest who can turn into a guillotine. Has killed at least a hundred people. He constantly wears headphones that play non stop death metal music at max volume claiming that doing so helps him hear the voice of God causing him to shout when talking so he can hear what he's saying and people have to repeteadly signal him to take them off so they can talk to him and when that inevitably fails knock the off. He eventually betrays the good guys after going crazy and allies himself with a demon who wants to take over the world. After beign damaged by a magic sun ray the left half of his faces becomes perpetually engulfed in flames.

MASTERLIST

stop comparing, just keep writing ⭒⊹˚. ♡🧸 ๋࣭ ⭑🪐✩ ⭑🤎 ⋆⭒˚｡₊ ⊹

AO3

author introduction

KTH

series

Between Comfort & Chaos

current wc: 6k dynamics: childhood rivals | rivals-to-reluctant-lovers | predestined soulmates synopsis: the past comes around full-circle to haunt you when you find out he's your soulmate. do you: a) reluctantly give fate a chance and let bygones be bygones, b) flip him off and storm away, clinging to your hatred or c) become so overstimulated that you hurl all over his shoes and run away like a coward? notes: it's chaotic, babes, but also lowkey comical??; meant to be lighthearted and feel-good

one shots

Neverland in August

wc: 3.7k dynamics: peterpan!tae x wendy reader (ish) | forbidden love | right person, wrong conditions synopsis: as a freckled, pig-tailed little girl, your mother always assured you that you could have all that you ever dreamed of. all that you ever dreamed of involved him. gliding through the grass blades of a backyard, in youthful roleplays, he was always an integral part; your husband, when playing house; your knight, when trapped in a tower (your humble tree house); a partner in crime, when raiding the kitchen of food. naively, you held the expectation close to your heart, that he'd always be part of your life. but time is cruel in more ways than one, but especially in the way it stretches, sags and wrinkles things beyond recognition. he's no longer your partner in crime rather a ghost quivers in place of the boy you once new. naively, again, you think you can revive it, fix it. he's not yours, and the grief of a dying dream aches deep in your bones. notes: biding time until the inevitable unfolds; growing pains; star lore; seashell lore; sad lap grind (lol); skinny dipping; no eventual smut; no happy ending; implied romance between characters but it's not something viable; childhood sweethearts falling out; low-key angst

June All Over Me

wc: 10k dynamics: idol!tae x female reader synopsis: x notes: vacation romance

PJM

series

Operation Cupid

current wc: 7.4k dynamics: waiter!jimin plays cupid, cautious fmc undoes all the tangles | extrovert jm x introvert fmc | she fell first, he's emotionally oblivious but eventually falls harder | f2l synopsis: jimin's a full-time father, full-time waiter and part-time matchmaker for his best friend, namjoon. he fails to realize the grave consequences that materialize at the trivial tug of a string, or two, until things are possibly unredeemable. norah's in between jobs at the moment. gave a chance to this homely diner just a stroll from her apartment. it's old, dusty and falling apart but it helps pay bills. the waiter has a subtle way of making her heart somersault but she'll die on a hill of silence before admitting it. notes: dilf!pjm; intimacy issues; playing house as a love language

one shots

Whoops! It appears this entry is not yet filled. Check again later.

JJK

series

Of Marble & Flesh

description and stats you kiss a marble statue at the louvre, on a dare, and it'll come to haunt your heels...literally.

Boy Next Door

current wc: dynamics: synopsis: your neighbor has some questionable nightly rituals. you never meant to meddle, but once the information fell into your lap, you found yourself caught in a web of curiosity. notes: neighbor!jjk; barista!jjk; exotic dancer!jjk; camboy!jjk; jjk does a little bit of everything to get by; who really is jeon jungkook?

Out of the Woods

Whoops! It appears this entry is not yet filled. Check again later.

one shots

Whoops! It appears this entry is not yet filled. Check again later.

KNJ

series

Intellectual Crush

current wc: 3.0k, ongoing, unedited dynamics: anonymous penpal correspondents synopsis: still figuring out the vibes. sort of a collection of vignettes on namjoon's trips to the bookstore. laced with life commentary and philosophical influence. notes: inspired by 'Dash & Lily' Netflix series; mystery's alluring

one shots

Whoops! It appears this entry is not yet filled. Check again later.

MYG

series

Sonata of the Immortal Heart

current wc: planning dynamics: bereaving, suicidal vamp! yoongi, shape-shifter! jimin, witch!fmc synopsis: notes: it all started w/ a single yoongi picture; 1500s-1700s (grab onto your wikis); warning! suicidality (from the part of an immortal being if that makes it any less concerning?)

Ink 'n' Petals

The Raven

Other Fandoms

Whoops! It appears this entry is not yet filled. Check again later.

Personal Pieces

Essays

An Individual Analysis on the Meaning of Writing

a study on the evolution of the individual relevance of writing through the years autobiographical. non-fiction.

Original Character Works (Non-fanfiction)

Rambling about Vivi and my relationship with the game

Okay the response to my previous post was bigger than I anticipated, you guys are making me feel supported and valid and thank you so much for that ;o; <3

I’m an anxious person and an overthinker. Should I just make art posts and occasional headcanons/analyses/observations? Should I be more personal? I made this blog with this specific purpose to be openly cringe about my new obsession, so I guess there’s no point in trying to moderate myself, worst case scenario people will just scroll past something that doesn’t interest them, right?

I’ve never really told you how I got into the fandom and how Vivi was born, although it’s a peculiar story. Maybe I’ll talk about my ✧content plan✧ too if there’s still post space left. So if you wanna know more about that, I invite you under the cut!

The background’s a bit depressing, a fair warning. I’ve been an mmo and oc nerd since 2012, my first game was Wakfu: quit in 2015-2016 but kept the ocs, about a dozen of them, still hoping to tell their stories one day, then GW2: another dozen characters that never really got the chance to grow into ocs. By the time I started poking around in ARR in 2021 I felt listless and fandom-homeless so to say. Both Wakfu and GW2 are pretty obscure to begin with, then the games themselves strayed too far from my standards and expectations, that on itself is worth a huge rant but this isn’t the place and time. Games do fail, fandoms do die down. I still play GW2 to this day since I find its mechanical aspect, a loud word fully deserved: perfect, it’s plain fun.

But in late 2021, when I still slogged through ARR on my own, I also watched WoodenPotatoes, my fav GW2 youtuber, play all the way up to 5.5. I share a lot of common traits with that guy, namely the cynicism :’D I was like, show me what you’ve got, convince me why you’re such a critically acclaimed game. GW2 and FFXIV are polar opposites in several ways, I won’t derail into comparisons either, just wanna say that I had my standards and a lot of criticism for the mechanical side of FFXIV (spoiler: I still do, but there are other empty niches that FFXIV fills for me!). I was in a full cynic mode, and even that didn’t stop me from being completely blown away, wiped from the surface of Earth when I saw the aforementioned guy play and comment on ShB.

Turns out there was one box unticked for me, I didn’t only feel unwelcome in my old games/fandoms, I also missed the safety and trust you have in FFXIV concerning the lore/story. Despite being an artist with a knack for oc development and interactions, I thought of myself as a mechanical mmo player. You know, raids, pvp, tryharding. I still find great joy in that, geez, I play GW1 (one) which regularly hands me my ass on a plate and I LOVE that, but yeah, I didn’t realize I also needed the comfort of knowing that I can emotionally invest in a game’s story and characters without worrying about the immediate future.

*claps hands together* Here comes the catboy!!!!

I’ll drop the highly specific and personal details for now since those are worth a full essay on their own, just gotta emphasize how much I needed this story and this character right then and there, at the end of 2021. The more I thought about him, the more at home I felt. That I could still survive into my thirties, go through everything in my life, feel nearly drained of will to live and create, and then meet a character that’d bring me back up to 100 within months, if not weeks.

My personal life’s still a mess too big to even mention it, so I won’t. I’m just aggressively burying my head in the sand and hyperfocusing on the new comfort zone. You can tell I’m being productive, each art on this blog is like, me actively trying to comfort myself, luckily it works every time.

So, new game, new passion, what about the character I experience that passion through? My WoL was a lala.

My WoL was a lala.

Look I didn’t even glam her properly..... I just loved the hilarity of the dragoon class flavor + pink potato, I farmed those sweet commendations because of that. I also had a catgirl on another account, I actively tried to find a character that’d click with me, that’d ground me in the game world.

I’d just watched WoodenPotatoes’ complete playthrough up to 5.5, my own progress was still at ARR, these two lovely lasses were.. Lovely, but I didn’t vibe with them. Bluntly speaking with the privilege of hindsight: my gay ass wasn’t at peace. I tend to gravitate towards male ocs.

Third time’s the charm, eh?

I was going into my own playthrough knowing that ShB isn’t only a storytelling masterpiece, but a vicious dating sim as well. My only braincell was already fixated on Raha and I needed a character for him.

That probably separates Vivi from many other WoLs. He was born for ShB, for Raha, with a specific purpose. Why elezen? Because, firstly, I’ve already been drawing elf people since 2012, it’s my comfort zone, secondly, by the time I dove into ShB I was acutely aware of the catboy WoL army, other races just never clicked with me, elezen however is the obscure cool kid among this bustling party of cat and bunny people. *shrugs* I just can’t help myself! I told you about Wakfu and GW2 specifically to point out that I’m drawn to obscurity, to niches, hell, hardly related but to prove the point: I’m also a rhythm game addict and I have an obscure anime rec blog. A vocaloid fan since 2008? Listening mostly to voca metal, alternative, all those nerdy niche things.

So I join a popular game, become obsessed with a popular character, and, being myself, choose an obscure race for my WoL \o/

Just to clarify, there’s no self-deprecation, only statements. I’m confident in my tastes and choices, whatever they may be, I’m only liking the good stuff >:D

Next part of the story you can already see if you scroll down to my first posts here. Knowing his destination, I started working on Vivi’s character, picking glams for him, slowly figuring out how to draw him (I’d say his visual development’s 80% complete by now). Fortunately for him, not only I’ve made 30+ ocs over the last 10 years, I also make adopts for a living. I’ve got the skills needed to develop a cool and happy character. Look, happy character =/= character without some kinda issues and angst, I mean happy as in relatable, believeable, alive.

Alive, that he sure is. If thinking about Raha as a separate character brought me back to life, looking at him through Vivi’s eyes made me feel like I’m in love too. Another thing to make clear: Vivi isn’t me, both him and Raha are my kin to a degree but I’m trying my best to stay aware and away from projecting. It’s just inevitable that you as a creator become some kinda medium/proxy for your character’s thoughts and feelings, and it’s beautiful. Even if I find myself in pain and wailing sometimes on their behalf, ha.

I don’t have much good going on in my own life so I live through my characters. It’s hard to explain how exactly I know things about them, of course it doesn’t come all at once. Vivi’s been around for 5 months now. I started working on his story early on, however I’d say my vision of him and Raha only fleshed out in the past 2 month-ish.

Can’t believe a weeb game made me write fics again. I’ve published one over on AO3 already, a few more are slowly cooking still, mentioning them only because they actually complemented my creative process behind art and comics, helped me get that elusive “feel” for the characters, and generally, surprisingly, approaching writing on a serious level did good things to my mental state, previously disastrous. My head feels like a much more orderly place now. Well, it’s also brimming with the catboy and elf feels, which is ever welcome.

So, I’m going about my business, then something clicks, I get an idea, a scene, an interaction, and rush to write it down. There’s a 20k+ words main document for my comic, several side-documents for later chapters and random unordered stuff, fics that fit into the main storyline and should be published within context. Soon I’ll be ready to start telling their story.

This post’s already too huge and waffly and wow if you’re still here, wow. You’re just as crazy as myself, but sincerely thanks for sticking with me :’>

I promised to talk about the so-called content plan, well, I sort of already did, mentioning the comic. If you’re observant, you may have noticed the name Fragments and some numbers floating around my tags. Fragments is the cheeky name of the comic, there IS a deeper explanation but I’ll leave it for another post. Whatever bits and pieces I’ve published under that name so far are “canon” and DO belong to the main story, however, I haven’t officially introduced the comic yet, there’ll be a launch and all that. Someday. Sometime soon.

It’s big and promising and exciting, still it’s just my personal project that I wanna be thorough with. Sorry for possibly being too vague about it, I take the “ship it when it’s ready” approach, I don’t rush things because they’re first and foremost for my own enjoyment.

For now thanks for looking at the random pics and comics I’m posting, I treat them as character flavor samples, as promo illustrations so to speak, while I’m chipping away at the main comic in the background.

Okay I spoke my heart out just like yesterday, feels nice. Thanks for all your support once again ;/////; <3

I have finished The Owl House. I burden you with my thoughts.

Pretty much binged all of Owl House last week. I knew it was probably something good when it kept breaking into my orbit when it was airing, and I was super not disappointed. Fuck an actual review though, Ima talk about the characters. Also spoilers rampant.

Adorable weird child. Optimistic without being insufferable, eccentric without being annoying. One of the most likable MCs I've seen in a minute. Loved seeing her whole journey, felt believable the whole time and I was rarely, if ever, questioning why she was doing something. The absolute worst thing I could say about her is that her palisman reveal was... I mean, I'm willing to admit that if they ever mentioned a snake shifter before that moment, I forgot. But even still, the whole "be anything you want to be" idea was kind of already communicated with the fact that it was an egg. It doesn't really really matter all that much, the thing's only around for like 10 minutes maybe, it just stuck out.

Outside of that, love Luz. Stuff with her mom, her being critically gay with Amity, fun character. One of the best things about her is that she doesn't have to be a part of every single plot for the show to carry on. The cast and setting is strong enough to survive without Luz's involvement, and it gets stronger as the show goes. Great character.

Never have I seen squalor and hobo-esque behavior look so appealing. I don't think it's making waves to say she's the best character in the show. If "fuck it, we ball" was a person, they'd be shaped like Eda. I think it's sometimes hard for writers to make a character who's pretty much got it all while still being sympathetic, but they hit it out of the park with Eda. Strong, funny, likable, all wrapped up in a blanket of painful regret and an uncontrollable condition. That's why I wanna be when I leave my 20s and finally grow up.

I'll leave certain parts of her deal for another character later, but Eda just consistently gets the best stuff in the show. Her background, her VA, her character design ESPECIALLY Harpy Eda, aces. The only thing she's really outdone in is her romance subplot, and that's just because I actually got to see Luz and Amity's evolve. Love me some Eda.

There are two characters in this show that I predicted I would not care about in the slightest and would groan whenever they were on screen, only to grow to love them and enjoy their presence. This is the first.

King's deal about being small and cute while wanting to be big and bad inevitably gets old, but luckily the show knows that and pivots enough away from that at a certain point to keep in line with his own development. He has an ego and can be a dick, but it never feels like he's an irredeemable dick. I can tell he loves his family, and not knowing what or who he is becomes a very sympathetic plotline for him. Bro just wants a padre. Plus, he does have some other good comedic bits. There's hardly anything too bad to say about King, even if the big ego schtick isn't for you.

Him, Luz, and Eda all having their own unique but connected stories throughout the show helped me endear them to me a lot. Incredibly fleshed out characters that have arcs that go beyond just having emotional trauma or something like that. Great trio of main characters. Well. "Trio."

This is the second.

Fuckin' hated Hooty at first. Even if he was meant to be annoying, that didn't stop me from not wanting him on screen. I think him being this eldritch abomination canonically, combined with him being like an actually competent character helped to move him away from unlovable to me. Love me a dumb idiot who's good at their job, and damn if Hooty isn't a great owl house.

I think another thing that helped him out was his friendship with Lilith. They play off of each other fantastically, and you get to see a lot more of Hooty when he's paired with someone who appreciates him than you do just when he's a nuisance. Love a Hooty.

It's the biggest bitch in the uuuuniveeerrrrse!

Okay not really. Lilith in S1 was definitely on the top of the shit list for the whole "curse mah sister" deal, and I was of the opinion she couldn't fall far enough. But the show treats what she did with an appropriate amount of weight and she puts in the work to make up for what she did, even at several costs to herself. Whether or not that makes up for 30 years of suffering she caused Eda is... ya know, up for debate. She tries, though.

Once S2 kicks in and we get lame dork Lilith, I was all in. She's such a fuckin' nerd, it's almost impossible not to love her. Her dynamic with Eda is also a treat, one of the best duos in the show. Her being Hooty's best friend also does a hell of a lot to kick her into the good graces.

The worst thing that happens to Lulu is the fact that fucking what, four or five episodes into S2 they put her on a bus?! Like, okay, go spend time with your mom I guess, but we barely get any Lilith! Why are we forcing THIS one out of the house, she's wonderful! It kind of stays that way for the rest of the series, too. She doesn't get a lot of play near the end, and is definitely a character that says lines in S3.

Ah well. Still a treat.

The Leaping Gazelles 21/34

Asleep

Is the desperation and coldness of the torn face due to the aggressive possession of the man in the rain or has the man himself become the pedant he hates. Or is it that the man is once again going off to a faraway land, and this not-so-attractive shroud that the two have created together doesn't hold up to the end.

　

Things started to get weird and unnatural when she was infected by other people on social media, wanting the man to start doing rituals and playfulness that he wouldn't otherwise do. It was as if the little things between them were a sham and a delusion of master and servant if they didn't do this previously unheard of thing in the next short period of time. The sounds coming from the inside of his mouth were still pleasant, but the occasional foreign sound that came out of it was like a sigh, no longer high pitched, and the texture had changed from crisp and refreshing to viscous.

Somehow the man was always worried that the roommates he lived with would gradually lose respect and understanding for women as well because of the sounds that inevitably came out of his room every day. After all, a man thinks to himself that his own ability to separate his master-slave relationship from his living situation is a rare existence that is innate and cannot be cultivated through later life. Long-term relationships are inevitably one of mutual servitude. The difference was that the man had hypocritically created an environment that was too stable yet cozy and comfortable, with no consideration for the fact that when he was about to leave this shelter would rise from the midst of the land, leaving a large hole for others to fill alone.

It was another rainy night, of course, and she offered up her diary by candlelight in an interior that was even more humid than the outdoors. The man thought he could do whatever he wanted with her flesh, but it was still a bit shocking to see such a revealing and sincere mental dissection. From it he better analyses and summarizes his past behavior, thus adjusting some of his future sequences and actions. One of them politely mentioned the rejection of photographic records, it was not a distrust of men's skills or character, not to mention the shame of displaying her body, after all, the ones she had spontaneously released on the Internet had already allowed her to gain a huge amount of attention and vanity. She was more worried about the man's detachment when he took pictures, and from the surprise she'd given him after she'd secretly had the procedure done, she'd taken herself more than justifiably for granted as a man's asset. The self that could be filled and used at will and with no worries was a prop for two people against the world, and even more so a toy to love, one that deserved to be the first or even the only toy.

Naturally, a man does not believe that he is really gifted, and this statement that only he can satisfy her is not a correct and scientific conclusion but must be the result of a lot of emotions and hormones. Time washes away all traces and shapes, and he had been in the middle of that siege. Nowadays he's about to be driven into a whole new corner, self-contained and alone.

So even after almost five years of separation, when he hears that her heart is still beating and her brain has fallen into a deep slumber, never to wake up again, the man always imagines the same flawless her in that white hospital bed. Was she still as pain-free, tolerating the fact that she could draw with all types of colored pens or scribble randomly on her white paper-like body. Perhaps the only thing she feared, electric shocks, could bring her back? The man didn't know how to suggest this to her parents, but just envied her situation, this valiant and penetratingly intelligent woman who was always ahead of herself.

He began to pay more attention to taking pictures, fell in love with photography, with film, with giving away Polaroids, with leaving evidence of his every day.

The rain poured down in torrents, the whole sky was completely darkened, the clouds almost touching the eaves. The man feared that the ocean churning in the sky would be poked through the sharp roof and pour directly into the yard. The Supreme Being above the clouds was powerless to stop the farce that he had started. The ship in his head sank, not even a rope or a sheet left on the sea of hope.

Doctor Who, but Chronologically 16

THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME

CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON IS HERE

New face again for the Doctor as we hit 1869 and the Unquiet Dead, AND we get Rose again - but this time, it’s early in her story, as this is her first trip to the past. And yes, it’s a lot easier this time to see what the fuss is about. In the course of this story Rose is the one to befriend (and defend) the servant girl Gwyneth; the one to go all fists blazing against Sneed when she thinks he’s kidnapping an old lady (and later, to the Doctor’s delight, threatens him with a poker). On being confronted with a risen corpse for the first time, her first words are “Are you alright?” She’s lively and compassionate and daring and so, so empathetic - at the start of the episode she tells the Doctor that his life is better with two, and has a mini speech that extolls the wonder of his travelling in a way that clearly melts his hearts. At the end, as they’re sheltering in a crypt from zombies and facing certain death, he guiltily apologises to her for getting her killed, but she’s having none of it. “It’s not your fault, I wanted to come,” she says. “Let’s go out fighting, together.”

What a queen. I think this is enough to push her much closer to the top of the leaderboard, certainly - she has moments here where she does get into the same tier as Donna and Clara. But I still don’t yet see what makes her particularly special over the rest of the pack, as it were, especially when she was so very bland in The Girl In The Fireplace. The investigation continues. Will update.

BUT LET’S TALK ABOUT THE DOCTOR

Okay so, new Doctor, BUT we had seen him - this is the one we saw on the infostamp, ahead of Tennant. But my, he’s so different again! He still has the “Fuck it, brazen your way through” attitude of all the others, but this one is very different from the others. He has a sharp edge that only Capaldi comes close to (when people say things he disagrees with he will straight up tell them to stfu), but it’s paired with something wild and bright and joyful and humble (he feels bad and apologises when he tells people to stfu). There’s a lovely foil between him and Rose - this story is about gaseous aliens who need flesh bodies and can inhabit dead people. The Doctor is all in favour of forking over corpses and literally does not see or care about the issue of how humans might take seeing their loved ones become zombies. Rose is aghast at the idea, and doesn’t really see the argument that a living species might take priority over a bunch of corpses. He’s logic and she’s emotion, and it’s a fun mix.

Anyway, this episode has, once again, not answered any questions at all while posing many more. Reference to another war! A Time War, and the Doctor looks very uncomfortable at the mention. The Gelth became gaseous as a result of it, and when defending Gwyneth, Rose snaps “She’s not fighting in your war!” at the Doctor. So that is, um, the fourth war? That has now been mentioned? Goodness, what a lot of wars. There is a “Rift” in space and time in Cardiff, apparently, which certainly explains a lot about Butetown. Also Gwyneth is a bit psychic and tells Rose she’s seen “the Big Bad Wolf.” I wonder if that’s important? Eh, probably not.

Also, this episode is Welsh. Unfortunately, as with literally everything that ever mentions Wales or features Welsh people ever, the characters do not miss the chance to sneer at it, because we’re not allowed on telly if we’re shown in a positive light, but I suppose t’was ever thus. Also, with a tedious inevitability that I instantly saw coming, every single Welsh person in it dies. But hey, I’m representation-starved, I’ll fucking take it.

Let’s update the list!

“She” (an unknown person) is returning (perhaps River returned as Missy. Maybe Me?)

There is something on Donna’s back

An entire planet, Pyrovilia, just… disappeared, somehow. (Maybe because the TARDIS is exploding??? Saturnine was also lost, and that WAS because of the TARDIS exploding. The lion man’s planet was also lost but he was a bit of a knob about it if I’m honest.)

Amy is maybe dead (she’s not)

The Doctor has been cubed (he’s out, but how?)

River is possibly blown up  (unless she’s Missy)

The TARDIS has blown up  (It’s fine now. Except it’s sort of melting now because it’s corrupted, but NEW INFO: it’s fine again)

The universe appears to have ended  (the universe is back again)

The Doctor has employed(?) Nardole (And Nardole was “reassembled???”)

There’s a vault in the TARDIS and it contains Missy but we don’t know why (sometimes she knocks for the bants)

What has happened to all these companions and where are the new ones coming from?

There’s an immortal Viking girl now. Her name is Me and she’s now looking after the people the Doctor abandons

Who/what is the Half-Faced Man that the Doctor talked about?

Why, when the Doctor saw the ship’s computer set to the Promised Land, did he say “Oh not again”?

What’s With The Silence?

Why was Rory entirely unconcerned by the entire world suddenly going silent when that is Not Normal and should have been, at the very least, extremely disconcerting?

What did the Doctor do to Queen Lizzie One?

Who is Captain Jack Harkness? (Is he the one who gave the companions a warning about the lone cyberman?)

Why is Amy seeing a one-eyed woman in a vanishing window?

What’s with the Doctor’s future involving getting shot by an astronaut?

Is Amy pregnant and why is it inconclusive?

Who is Sarah-Jane Smith?

How is the Doctor Bill’s teacher and why/where does he have an office?

What is going on with the Cyber War and the Cyberium???

Who did the Doctor lose to Cyber Conversion?

What happened with the Other Cyber War?

What happened with the Third War that deleted the void?

Why does Rose seem particularly important?

What’s with the statues you mustn’t blink at?

What order do these Doctors go in? (Tennant first, apparently, but he’s possibly tenth.)

Which companion just... forgot the Doctor, and how?

What is the Flux and what did it do?

Who is the mysterious Victorian man who met Yaz?

Yaz and Vinder are about to die as Mori/Mwri/Muuri

There is a Lupari shield around Earth.

What’s a Time War?

What’s the Rift?

What’s Bad Wolf?

You’d really think they’d have resolved some of these by now. Weird.

Characterization for South Asian-coded characters

@mistystarshine said:

I am considering writing a novel that takes place in a fantasy setting, and while I am content with most of my characters, there are two where I keep hitting a snag in regards to cultural context. They are a pair of step-sisters with parents who are hell bound to climb the social and economic ladder no matter the cost. They do genuinely care about each other, but are also very jealous of each other. The older sister wants to be a refined, pampered, and adored lady who is married off to a loving husband, but after inadvertently revealing herself to be a prodigy at taming (and later fighting) magical beasts, her parents milked her for all she was worth while she could still be considered a "child prodigy" before pressuring her into more or less joining a militia. (After all, they may have been the ones to push her in that direction, but having a daughter as rough and tumble as her around was unsightly.) She and her parents also happen to be playing a long-con in that while they are passing her off as a human with gifts that are normally seen in fae, she is actually a (even rarer, but also seen as highly distrustful) fae with the ability to lie. The younger sister is a normal human who is very beautiful and pretty dim on an intellectual level, but also incredibly emotionally intelligent. She does value knowledge (and admires how well her sister can memorize facts) and enjoys learning, but is a slow learner by traditional methods. She desperately wants to feel useful and like she is capable of making a difference in the world, but their parents only value her for her appearance, try to keep her from doing anything that might "jeopardize" it, and want her to marry into a nobleman and become a beautiful and obedient wife. She's grown up being told that it doesn't matter that she isn't intelligent because girls like her don't need to think, and really, it's better if she stay quiet anyway. This has caused her to be skittish, distrusting, and even cynical despite her kind nature. It's also given her a ton of self-esteem issues, made her deeply uncomfortable with her appearance, and adverse to comments regarding it. The sisters both want what the other has and feels a little resentful of the fact that /they/ don't want it.

My question is this. I haven't come up with physical designs yet and am thinking that I want them to have south asian characteristics. However, I'm not certain if the cultural context would fit well with the issues they face in regards to gender, expectations, and societal stereotypes. (I will note that I haven't designed the in-universe cultures yet, since aside from some initial character concepts, I'm largely going to be writing by the seat of my pants. But I also figure that regardless of in-universe context, the audience will inevitably connect characters to real-world cultures and want to be sensitive and understanding in that regard.) How do I make sure it all clicks together, when I am largely only familiar with the experiences of American (primarily white) women in that regard? Or is this a situation where it would be better to just make them white rather than making them PoC and risk making a mistake?

(My apologies if this is a rubber stamp question. I don't think so, but I'm not entirely sure either. But on the chance that it isn't, I figured that in the time it would take me to ask if it's a rubber stamp, I might as well go ahead and send it in. Do me a favor and message me if it does count as one, so I know for future reference?)

What Are “South Asian Characteristics”?

Thank you for taking the time to flesh out your story so thoroughly. I think this ask will benefit from you doing some more initial research as to what kind of background you want these characters to have. As I hope recent WWC posts on South Asia have made clear, South Asia is a very large, diverse place, so saying you plan to code your characters as physically South Asian doesn’t help us. Pick any human being on the planet. Now look at South Asia. You will probably find people who resemble that individual physically somewhere within the subcontinent. Similarly, from a cultural perspective, South Asia is very broad. It is home to over 1.5 billion people, 70 distinct ethnic groups, several hundred languages, and all major world religions. If this is not you have come across in your research, I would say your research is very much in the premature stage.

WWC has a great guide for describing skin tones and facial features of non-white individuals. If you have no South Asian cultural coding you wish to impart to these characters, I think your first order of business is deciding on the setting of your universe and what kind of world-building you wish to engage in. Don’t let the theoretical assumptions and biases of your readers trip you up. I look forward to hearing from you again after your world-building has progressed. There are many religions in South Asia with a wide variety of folklore involving otherworldly beings, but not all of them are can be viewed as equivalent to fae. Jaya has some great comments for you on Hindu-specific dimensions of cultural coding if you plan to use the fae in your story, which I think are important to keep in mind should you plan to culturally code your characters using any South Asian culture that draws on Hindu influences.

- Marika.

Cultural Dimensions: Fae versus Hinduism

I can say that we South Indian Hindus don’t necessarily have fae. (That hasn’t stopped me from adding them to some stories with Indian protagonists.) We have otherworldly beings like Gandharvas and apsaras. You may want to do more research if mixing the fae with Hindu mythology, assuming you’re going with that. 

To elaborate, the fae in European society have their own rules and codes of morality separate from ours. This is attributed to the fact that the Folk lack souls. Ergo, they lack the means to realize that a decision is morally wrong. That is why the Folk steal babies and replace them with mischievous changelings, or try to trick humans into eating Fairy food when the latter are visitors to mounds under the hill or fantastic castles. It’s all for entertainment, and laughs.

That doesn't mean the fae are bad or will always harm people. You can ward them away by getting cold iron bars for your house, and holly for protection in the winter. Some Celtic folklore advises that you accept a fairy gift if you receive one, even if it's feeding milk to your cows. Other lore says NEVER accept a gift, because you will be expected to do a great favor in turn. For the same reason, you don't say "thank-you" or offer nice clothes to them, since it may insult them. Everyone agrees, however, that you never give your full name to the fae, because one of them will use it to lord power over you. 

In contrast, most magical beings in Hindu mythology abide by the same codes of honor and dharma. Everyone has a soul, thus the right to earn their way to either heaven, a good reincarnation, or nirvana. This means you can reason with them, and they are responsible for their actions. The asura and rakshasa demons have co-existed with the gods despite dethroning them a few times, while the humanoid monkeys say they'll ally with the humans to fight important battles. Everyone agrees to a social contract where a king protects his people, the sages regardless of their shape pray for the common good, and you try not to be murderous or rude. Even if you are a tyrant, like Duryodhana or Ravana, you can still go to heaven if you've fulfilled your life duties, which is also called dharma, and remained honorable. Or if you are a bastard father like Hiranyakashipu, you may at least get purification in death if your son vouches for you and begs for your soul from the gods.  

Are there cases where the beings break this rule? Heck yes; there are always going to be a few demons, humans, and even a monkey or two that let the power trip get to their head. That's when the gods intervene by sending a special human or reincarnation to handle the lack of honor. The new warrior restores the balance and gets rid of that dangerous bit of ego, usually by killing the would-be tyrant in question. 

The fair folk have none of this honor. If you put any being from Hindu mythology and a member of the Fair Folk in the same room, they would get into an argument of wills for hours. Few beings in Hindu mythology would steal a baby for laughs, and the fae would likely not understand the concept of sacred duty. Your story may not work for that reason so I’d advise figuring out how much Hindu mythology you want to add.

- Jaya 

Writing blog question - do you have any tips for ‘planning’ out stories? Like do you usually write core scenes first, or outline everything chapter by chapter before even starting, etc?

I have my process, and I'm happy to talk about it, but I'm not sure any of it is applicable as "tips" for helping other people plan their stories.

I tend to spend a long time just thinking about a story before I write anything down. I get a lot of ideas for excellent premises, but that doesn't always translate to becoming an actual story -- so that's how I put myself to sleep at night, imagining the various directions a cool premise could go.

The majority of these never go anywhere. I'll entertain a concept for a while, then either hit a wall in how to make the story advance, or lose interest in favor of a shiny new idea. But occasionally an idea achieves a sort of critical mass -- that all of a sudden I can see the arc of the story and how to get to the end, I can see the point of it.

For the Asking started as a thought exercise in "what did Geralt's POV of With a Conquering Air look like?" and immediately furnished me with a ton of interesting ideas -- but it didn't click as a story that was worth writing down until I realized that the conversation they have at end, the dialogue in the OG fic, gave me the ending: that Geralt doesn't act until Jaskier asks.

"That Uncertain Season" was a thought exercise in "what if Geralt's feelings had gotten outed before Jaskier was ready for it?" and then trying to figure out how they could get together under those changed circumstances. It didn't click as a story until I realized, Oh, they can't, not yet -- and that is the happy ending.

Song of Selfish Hearts was just self-indulgent amnesia shenanigans -- except every conversation they had inevitably wound up running aground on the hidden rocks of the shit that Geralt and Jaskier don't talk about. And I realized that giving Geralt amnesia stripped away the justifications he'd constructed for his actions, and made him see them for what they were and what they did to Jaskier. And that was the point of the story, not the amnesia shenanigans: forcing Geralt to confront how badly he'd treated someone who loved him.

And then I sit down and bang out 30k words in a week.

I try to write the scenes in order, if I can, because doing them out of order runs the risk that a change introduced to an earlier scene will joss a later scene you've written. If I don't have a clear enough picture to actually write the full scene, I'll just jot down my ideas for what I want to happen there as a placeholder. If I have a SUPER CLEAR idea of the emotional content of a scene, but the specific details are still up in the air, I'll write down just the dialogue.

(For example, The Reveal that everyone knows is coming in SOSH -- I still haven't worked out exactly when and where it's going to happen, but I know what's going to be said, so I've got the dialogue all written out like a script.)

And it's a little different every time. When I started putting words down for the dubcon fic, I was writing the scenes I'd conceived, in chronological order, but I was aware as I was going along that I would have to come back later and insert more scenes to flesh out certain things. So I'm leaving notes for myself like, "introduce idea X here, so that the character has it on their mind" or "establish plot point Y in advance, so that it's not coming out of nowhere when you use it later."

So yeah, I guess my version of "planning" is to have an overall idea of what the story is going to do, and then to get all the cool ideas written down real quick before I forget them.

I don't really do outlining except sometimes to help plan out a specific chapter, to sit down and go, "okay what needs to happen in this one?", so I'm not writing aimlessly and generating filler that's just going to wind up getting cut.

Tma + Recurring Themes

Note: This is absolutely not a comprehensive post, but simply my ramblings about what I’ve noticed as of mid-Season 4.

1. Free Will, Manipulation

This one is pretty obvious, given the prevalence of the Web, especially further into the series, along with Elias’ whole deal. Free will has never been a topic that I find particularly engaging, however TMA may be the exception, given how they use this in tandem with the running exploration of the animalization of humanity, ie instinct vs free will. This is why the Flesh and the Hunt’s existence is so crucial, they’re manifestations of humans-as-animals. I will return to free will, instinct, and manipulation later, because these are really pervasive.

2. Passivity, The Role of the Narrator

This one is one of my favorites. Though Jon’s “narrator” role becomes less central later in the series, it’s still the starting point of his character. The idea of having to bear witness to the events around you with little control except to preserve the story. To archive the events, if you will. This is very much represented in The Magnus Institute itself and how passively intellectual they are. There are so many statements where the statement giver is begging for help, but receives none. The dreams showcased in the Season Three finale really drive this point home, with Jon, literally comatose, forced to watch people suffer and die and beg for help on repeat without any way of stopping this. You may note that this inevitably can tie very nicely back into the question of free will. Furthermore, and I’ll get into this later, you can see how this passive role directly feeds into Jon’s character, as he becomes reckless and impulsive from the need to not be helpless and passive. I think this is basically said outright at some point in Season Four, but I don’t remember when or by who. This also drives home the idea of Jon as an audience surrogate, not in the traditional sense of him being bland or getting pushed around by the story, but because he is the audience. And we are the archivists. We’re the ones who hear every statement, watch everything go down, draw up our little red string boards to figure out what’s happening. But we don’t do anything to help those in the story itself, because we can’t.

3. Identity and Lose of Such

This is something we see a lot with the Entities. The idea that people are consumed by their God, leaving little of them behind. I think this is a pretty common theme in body horror, though I don’t know for sure. I think the Distortion has to be the best example of this, yes? Literally completely taking over the body and consciousness of a being to bring them into the folds of the Spiral - more or less what we see happening with the other characters touched by the Entities. The question then becomes - where does the person end and the Entity begin? Look at Melanie, her identity is so wrapped up in her anger that, when the Slaughter takes hold of her, it seems like a natural progression until it isn’t. So where does that leave Melanie? Even if you place all the blame onto the Slaughter, who are you left with? I think this works especially well given that they are characters, just a jumble of actions and traits given to them. TMA isn’t particularly meta in its horror, but a lot of what it does is directly related to the ideas of storytelling (see: There is someone controlling my actions, everything is pre-determined, and how the role of the story-teller is central to understanding the themes and characters). The Not-Them feeds into this theme as well.

4. Addiction

I’m not going to say much on this for personal reasons, but it pretty much just goes to confirm what I’ve been talking about so far. Where do you end and the addictions begin? Annabelle has a line about how addiction is directly related to the Web and loosing your control over yourself. This is at the root of Jon’s relationship to the statements, although in more of a literal sense as he kind of needs them to survive - which I assume is a literal representation of how addiction feels.

5. Mentorship

Time and time again we see this come up: Jon and Elias, Micheal Shelley and Gertrude Robinson, Martin and Peter Lucas. I think it’s also a way of showing characters grappling with lack on control on a story-level outside of the manifestations of the Web.

6. Capitalism

This is a bit more subtle because it’s more built into the story than an active theme. At the center of TMA is the magnus institute - it’s occupational horror (a lot of statements also follow people at their job having a bad time). We’re literally watching people stuck in a sole-sucking job that they can never leave because they’d die. That’s capitalism baby. This could also be related to the identity theme, as capitalism and individual identity have a very complex relationship, but that’s another rant.

7. Trauma and Trauma Responses

This is less story-scale and more about the characters, but damn! Pretty much every action these people take can be directly traced back to their trauma and that’s very smart writing. Another question of who are you without your experiences? I think this theme is most obvious in Season Two, where we are confronted with the direct trauma responses of Jon, Martin, and Tim. While in many stories you’d expect some form of trauma bonding to get an us-vs-the-world set up, instead we see infighting and them being driven away by their incompatible coping mechanisms. This is one of those sad things where you can see very easy solutions to these small-scale character conflicts, but can’t implement them (sounding familiar? It should, it’s the same thing that we talked about earlier. You are the passive listener now.) On Season Two, you can also see the Not-Them taking Sasha as a metaphor for the idea that someone can start acting like a new person after a traumatic event.

That’s all for now, stay tuned for more of Mal Sends His TMA Analysis Into The Ether

Warning: Rant, character bashing, lots of opinions

I'm saying it outright. I hate Deku. He is entirely underwhelming as a character, much less as the main character, the shonen protagonist of the series.

It's a 'different' type of dislike, though. I feel like I could've like his character. There's nothing greatly disagreeable about him, he's as inoffensive as can be, he's an optimistic, considerate, and polite boy, he's as plain as he is said to be, and that's fine.

My issue is that he's not the character he's said to be. I, personally, just don't buy that he "possesses a drive to save others that eclipses all common understanding", or that he's super intelligent with great analytical abilities that he actually applies on the battlefield, or, in general, he's as amazing or heroic or compassionate as he's apparently supposed to be. How can he be inspiring if he barely challenges any aspects of the society he lives in. Deku is a super good example of the terrible use of "Tell, Don't Show". We're told about his amazing traits, but he rarely follows through; when we do see hints of it, it's lauded but frankly I think it's typical behavior and (this though is not quite his fault) written so stiffly and awkwardly I'm not convinced.

(Honestly I might even call him a Canon Mary Sue. He has no interesting or distinguishable flaws, unless having a shit for brains attitude is one but that's not acknowledged by the narrative. Breaking bones is not a personality trait. If he has a Hero Complex, it's not even the interesting ones where he fucks things up even more; or carries crippling guilt about circumstances beyond his control; or focuses completely on saving people to the point of rejecting almost all human connections and keeping deadly secrets - which is All Might's big flaw.) (Well fair, he does this in the most recent chapter but did it need to take 300+ chapters? Plus I sense the way it's framed is that it's the radical, but right course of action.)

Say what you want about Villains and redemption/shouldn't be redeemed/too evil to be saved/justice/etc, but I think this 'Incredible Drive To Save' should've included Villains from the start. Why does Deku want to "Save people with a smile on his face"? Assuming it's empathy, he should have felt some towards everyone he encounters, whether it's sensible or not. "Why are you so angry?", "You shouldn't go about things this way", "What caused them to be like this?", "Why is there evil in the world?" even. I'm still fuming over his Mall Encounter with Shigaraki, where Shigaraki pretty much reveals his damage: "All Might acts like there's no one he can't save"; but ultimately Deku goes "Wow, that sure is an opinion."

What kind of inane response is this??? There's little pushback from the narrative either, so this isn't pointed out as a failing of his (because, again, he has no big flaws). And he's supposed to be smart and caring. Yes, he does ask All Might right after the Mall Encounter, "Was there anyone you can't save?"; but essentially the replies he gets is "Don't worry about it" and Deku immediately largely puts it out of his mind "Oh whew, I was about to do some introspection and reflection". There isn't even the daunting, kinda-existential anxiety that people get when they realize it's impossible to save/help everyone - which is something, like, medical workers have to learn to deal with - that sharp sense of the inevitably of death, of loss, failure, guilt. I'm not asking for him to come to the conclusion that everyone should be saved - he could've decided nah, Shigaraki is too ugly to be saved and I would've been fine with that, it's part of the character role and potential development - just that he should've had a conclusion at all.

There are the latest chapters where Deku decides he wants to try saving Shigaraki first (though killing him is still on the table), true. Him wanting to save Shigaraki after seeing AFO merged with him, after seeing The Crying Child - but see, I don't think it qualifies because I think it's the bare minimum about of consideration, the typical response to seeing the body horror of warped, fused flesh, to seeing a small sad little boy. I think it shouldn't require "You look like you needed saving" for a true Hero to consider saving someone. Not for someone who is supposed to be unique and special in this regard.

*

I've complained about this before, but the trouble with Deku was evident from the very beginning.

Again, Deku wants to save people with a smile on his face, and again, I’m assuming it’s empathy. We're shown this on the very first page, as he attempts to protect a friend(?) from bullies, but imo like it felt groundless because who was the kid he was protecting? We never see him again. Did Deku's standing up to Bakugou work, and the kid was saved? Or did they both got beaten up; but afterwards, being the kind boy Deku is supposed to be, he still gets to his feet to help the boy, to apologize for failing.

But more significantly, this theme of saving was overshadowed immediately by his focus on superpowers - that he was quirkless. Next page, his focus was on ‘Woah, giant villain and superpowers!’ Instead of like. Helping people. (Though I chalk this up to early installment weirdness)

What should’ve happened if the theme was ‘SAVE PEOPLE’ Is something like: The opening sentence being “People are not born equal. This is the harsh truth I learned when I was four. I knew that... but despite my powerless, I still wanted to help. That was my first and last setback.” And the panels/images themselves (of little Katsuki and his friends) implies that people on the world thinks you need power to help people.

When he saw the villain attack on way to school, Deku can be wow’ed by the spectacle! But then he notices a kid crying and offers to help find his mom. He can be interrupted by a Hero saying he (the hero) will take over, he can find the mom and realize he’s late for school (and so that shows he’s willing to sacrifice something of his to help others! Because of his altruistic nature!). A scene like that, of him helping the lost kid, we would know that he wants to help *anyone*. At school, though, he still gets bullied for not having powers. So he’s mulling over that when he meets All Might, and asks the question.

It proceeds as usual for the next few events: When the sludge monster attacks Katsuki, he can still go gawk at the scene. He can still hesitate. In canon, it's only when he realized the victim was his friend that he jumps into action, which I thinks undermines the theme of 'wanting to save indiscriminately'. IMO, it would've been better that Deku sees it’s his friend, but he still hesitates. “There’s nothing I can do right? All Might himself said so...” But when he sees Katsuki’s *face* of fear, he runs to help. Instead of seeming like he helps only because he realizes it’s his friend, he helps because he feels too deeply about trying to save Katsuki.

Admittedly these are minor, personal critiques; but all in all, the first chapter fails to establish Deku is the willpowered, champion of wanting to save people he's supposed to be.

--Which is fine, if it's acknowledged in the story later, that maybe he wasn't the True Blue Hero he's supposed to be at first, but he can change and still become one. But it's not - Deku is apparently special, without anything special to show for it.

*

I read the one-shot "My Hero" - the prototype for this series - that Horikoshi published years ago, before My Hero Academia was created. I also found it underwhelming, but that was due to personal tastes (I wanted more explosions and dumb violence); as a story on it's own merit, the logic and progression was solid.

The Villains Heroes fought were 'Aberrations' - true inhuman monsters that showed no sentience that would eat people - so the focus could be solely on saving humans. The main character - Jack Midoriya - his original goal was less 'save people' and more 'become a cool hero', before learning that saving people is what true heroism is about, hero license unneeded. (Moreover, he really did 'save' someone without being a hero - by working hard, he was preventing the company from becoming ruined completely, which the CEO had confessed and thanked him for. )

This version of Midoriya didn't exactly needed deep empathy or compassion for that, just a strong willpower, which he effectively demonstrated by chasing after a childhood dream even as an adult salaryman in a tanking company, even though he had anemia and no training and no license. He insisted on this, to the point of getting hurt by being dumb, of being petty over someone dissing the Hero who inspired him in the first place, of skipping out of work and going vigilante. Not the most upstanding guy, but he came through in the relevant themes of the story, in being the character the story needed him to be.

Jack Midoriya was an unimpressive, weird-looking, weak, pitiful, somewhat selfish, awkward salaryman with no great aspects that 'eclipses all common understanding'. But he was a far stronger character than his incarnation Izuku Midoriya could ever be (so far).

Supposed To Be

Ocean’s 8 fanfiction

request: the reader finds out what Tammy does at party with the girls and maybe gets angry at Tammy for not telling her and lying to her. Then hets angry at everyone else and they all fell guilty. And maybe tammy says something that’s losses the reader of more. Then the reader walking out. The next morning the reader is ignoring all the texts and calls from Tammy and the girls. Tammy going over to talk to her...

Summary: Tammy is planning something for you with the team, but can’t let you know about it.

Characters: Tammy x fem!reader, the Ocean’s girls, (divorced!Tammy)

Word Count: 2,550

Warnings: Angst angst angst angst angst angst!!!!!! Miscommunication!! Hurt & comfort! Eventual happy ending :)

You first started feeling uneasy when Tammy’s text responses went from excited paragraphs and emojis to one-word answers. It was such a simple thing, but you barely got to see her in person some weeks, and this was the only thing that kept you connected.

After an inevitable divorce, Tammy moved to the city to be closer with the entire group, sharing custody of her children every other week. It had been stressful, but you had been there for her every step of the way, and a fruitful, happy romance had blossomed.

But now, even after all those months, there was a sudden barrier you couldn’t seem to get through. Her phone calls were hasty, her texts short, and no one else in the group seemed concerned like you were. You got no updates on her kids, which usually she couldn’t stop taking about. Frankly, it felt like she had gotten tired of you.

So, you shut your phone off and went out for the rest of the day, window-shopping and wandering around the city to get your fuming mind off of things. 

-

On the other side of the city, in Lou’s spacious loft, Tammy had gathered the other ladies, vigorously typing lists on her phone as she paced back and forth.

“Really, Tam, you’re overthinking this! Why do you feel the need to go through all this?” Lou sighed, swirling her glass of rye. 

“Because it has to be just right,” Tammy snapped back. 

Everyone knew how detail-oriented and perfectionist Tammy was. It was a life-saver for criminal activity and ensured safety for the gang to get through undetected. But sometimes, in ordinary life, it was a bit overkill.

“I really don’t think Y/N needs all this, babe,” Nineball added, lounging in a large, velvety bean bag and a joint between her lips. “Lou’s right, you’re overthinking it.”

“Listen, she’s my girlfriend, and this is my plan. Can you please just be a little bit supportive of this?” Tammy threw her hands up, exasperated. 

“Her birthday isn’t for another month,” Debbie pointed out.

“Exactly, I’m already running behind!”

The remaining seven shared a few bemused glances before Daphne handed Tammy a glass of wine to calm down. Debbie sighed, pulled up a chair and reached for the snack bowl.

“Alright, what’s the plan, TamTam?”

-

You still had one of Lou’s door keys from the last heist, and figured it was the best time to return it. It was starting to get late, and it was a bit of a walk, but you didn’t mind. The fresh air did good for your nerves and bad mood. 

You hadn’t seen Lou in ages either, so you figured a quick catch-up was needed too. Not even thinking, you used the key to let yourself in, washed over by warm light coming from inside, and-

Laughter? Music?

You froze. The first person you saw, of course, was Tammy. Your eyes were drawn to her in any room, always. She was laughing, nursing a drink in her hand, chatting with Lou and Debbie, who looked equally as pleased.

There was popcorn popping in the microwave, and the TV was showing a movie. Your heart sank little by little, as you realized that yes, they really had gotten tired of you. You didn’t register the pile of paper and notes on the coffee table, at all.

Lou saw you first, and went a little pale. She registered the keys in your hands were hers, and it clicked in her brain why you were there. She nudged Debbie, who immediately turned off the music, as if they’d been caught doing something illegal.

Then Tammy turned her head and saw you, her beautiful smile fading away instantly. Her mouth hung open a little, as if she didn’t know what to make of you standing there, in the flesh.

Suddenly your confusion melted into anger, and your heart broke little by little as they stood there, staring at you, not even bothering to say anything.

You tossed the keys to the floor, turned around, and slammed the front door shut. 

-

No one was moving. Tammy’s brain was lagging, still trying to register why you  looked so distraught, so betrayed. The rest of the group eyed her shyly. Constance had a mouth full of popcorn that she was afraid to chew down on because of how loud it would be in the silence.

“You fucking idiot,” Rose was the first to speak up- Tammy was shocked to hear her swear. “What’re you doing jus’ standing there? Get out and go after her!”

“Yeah,” Amita said, “she didn’t look too happy when seeing all of us.”

“Did you tell her where you would be today, Tam?” Debbie questioned her, looking her squarely in the eye. Tammy bit her lip, and shook her head. Cue a collective frustrated groan. 

“Tammy, we love you, but you can be so stupid sometimes,” Lou said, grabbing her glass from her. “Go on!”

Tammy nearly stumbled over her heels as she hurried after you, fearing she wouldn’t be able to find you in the dark.

“Y/N?” she called out, frantically looking out as the door closed behind her. She  spun around, looking left and right. “Y/N!”

“Stop yelling,” you snapped. She turned and saw you leaning against a streetlamp, face washed in eerie light. 

“You’re still here,” she said, relieved.

“No, I’m just waiting for a cab,” you said, not meeting her gaze. “You should go back to your party.”

“Do you want to come inside?” she asked you, wringing her hands.

“No, thanks,” you said, shoving your hands deep in your pockets. “I wasn’t invited, so.”

“Oh, Y/N, I didn’t mean to-,”

“No, no, you clearly did,” you shook your head, interrupting her. “It’s fine, really. But next time you get sick of me, have the fucking courtesy to actually break up with me, please?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re barely answering any of my texts, and every time we talk you’re miles away. And now you’re throwing a party with the whole team, except for me. What gives?”

“It’s not what you think!”

“What the hell am I supposed to think, then? Do you even realize what the past few weeks have been like for me? Jesus, Tammy, I’ve been worried sick.”

Tammy didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lose you, she knew she couldn’t lose you, but to explain the plans and explain everything she’d prepared would ruin so, so much.

“Y/N, I love you with my entire heart. I can explain, I promise.”

“No, forget it,” a cab pulled up to the sidewalk and you yanked open the door. “Come back when you’ve made up your mind, I guess. Unless it’s something I don’t want to hear. Bye, Tammy.”

With that, the cab sped away, and you left a stunned Tammy standing on the sidewalk.

-

It was nearly two weeks later. You didn’t know how on earth you got this far without talking to Tammy at all, but you figured you made it clear where you stood. If she never talked to you again, you understood the message, and you were through.

A bit overdramatic, maybe, you wondered? If it was, you weren’t prepared to be the first one to cave. You wouldn’t go begging and crawling back to her. You were too stubborn and proud- even with the constant crying over the past few days.

You were sitting at a bar, drinking a sweet and fruity drink while watching some mindless sports game on the monitor when a familiar blonde slid into the seat next to you.

“Go away,” you said, not looking at Lou. She  waved her hand, and the bartender set to work on a drink for her.

“Good evening to you too, sweetheart,” she said. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing. This is my bar after all,” she received her drink and took a big gulp, leaning forward on the bar and looking over at you.

“No it isn’t,” you frowned, trying to piece your memory together. “Your club is dozens of blocks from here.”

“Yeah, and then I bought almost every bar and club on this side of the city. You’re looking at one rich-ass owner, Y/N.” Lou grinned, but you couldn’t be bothered to return the smile.

“Well, congrats Lou. No need to rub it in. Some of us are meant to just be broke.”

“Since when did you become such a downer?”

“Uh, since my girlfriend decided her life was better off without me?” you scoffed.

“Is that really what she said to you?” Lou asked, blue eyes piercing. You shifted in your seat.

“Not exactly, but I know when people are tired of me,” you muttered. “Walking in on the whole team who went through hell together having a party without me kinda sends a clear message.”

Lou chewed her lip, and sighed. She pushed the empty glass away from her and took her time to unwrap a stick of gum. 

It was quiet between the two of you as she got up and straightened her jacket, flicking her bleach blonde hair away from her eyes.

“It wasn’t a party, Y/N,” she said. “Talk to Tammy. She’s been absolute shit the past week.”

You bristled, not wanting to think about Tammy again. But Lou left you to it, paying for your drink, and headed out the door. You rubbed your face, tired, and lonely, and cursing yourself for letting it get this far. 

Hesitantly, you took out your phone, reading the ‘six new voicemails’ notification, and lingering your finger over the green listening button. All from Tammy. 

“Hey, Y/N. Giving me a taste of my own medicine, huh?” A weak laugh. “I’m sorry for not responding or talking more with you.. you have every right to be angry.”

You got up and headed home slowly, going through each voicemail carefully, listening at least twice.

“God I don’t even know where to start. It’s been so... empty without you. Please call me soon? There’s so much I want to tell you.”

Turning multiple corners, you put on your sunglasses, hoping it would hide the tears threatening to spill over. 

“I feel terrible. And the girls are mad at me for letting you get away. Not-not like you ran away, but- but not fighting for you, you know? For such a stupid, stupid reason too. I, uh, hm... I miss you.”

I miss you. You stared at your front door, listening as the voicemail ended, frozen. You were mere steps from getting inside, but there was something in the way.

Tammy looked over her shoulder, standing on your doorstep, and you nearly burst into tears all over again. She was startled just like you were, surprised to see you there.

Your arm dropped limply to your side, voicemail forgotten, and you took a shaky breath,

“I miss you too.”

-

You sat across each other awkwardly. You offered her a cup of tea, she politely declined. Tammy was carrying a large tote bag with things inside, and you were intrigued, but didn’t make any effort to start the conversation. You would remain stoic, and not cave. No matter how beautiful she looked, how rosy her cheeks were, how done up her hair was. But there were giant bags under her eyes that you could not ignore, and something pulled at your heartstrings. 

“You look well,” Tammy said, smiling weakly.

“No I don't,” you replied. Her face fell. “Neither do you.” Ouch. 

“Crazy what only two weeks can do to a person, right?” she chuckled hoarsely.

She continued, “I realize that... that I didn’t handle things very well, with how it ended.. on the sidewalk that night.”

“Hmm.”

Her fingers were shaking, and your resolve nearly crumbled. She reached into the bag and grabbed a massive binder, nearly bursting with the amount of pages. Your name was written in thick letters on the front. 

“This is why I wasn’t talking to you,” she muttered, bashfully. “And I realized that keeping this a secret from you isn’t worth the risk of losing you.. like, actually losing you and never getting to have you in my life again.”

Your mouth fell open as you turned to the first page. It was one of those massive wedding planner books that some young girls like to have when dreaming of their future wedding. 

Only it was for your birthday. Lists and lists of your favourite music, your favourite foods, restaurants, colours and clothes. Plans for venues, DJs, special outings and reservations. Plans for each member of the team to take care of little things; drinks, dances, meals, performers...

“Oh my god,” you whispered.

“It was going to be your first birthday with the two of us really together. It was supposed to be a surprise... perfect and special. I guess I went a little over the top..” she rubbed her neck with her hand and blushed.

“Tammy... oh my god,” you kept saying, with every new page, and new intricate lists and ideas. “Oh my god.”

“This is incredible,” you breathed, tears falling freely now. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“No no, I should be the one apologizing,” Tammy replied firmly. “I should have told you.”

“But then it wouldn’t have been a surprise! Oh my god, I should have been more trusting in you,” you cried softly. “Tammy, oh, god. Tammy, I love you so much.”

Every detail was spot-on. She knew you inside and out, like no one else ever  knew you. No one had ever cared so deeply for you, to think so deeply for you. 

Now Tammy was crying too, and you were two blubbering messes, clasping hands across the table and spilling tears on the pages. Thankfully, they were laminated.

“I’ve scrapped it all,” Tammy confessed. 

Your head snapped up, “What?”

“Well, when I say scrapped.. I rescheduled it for next year.. I didn’t think that you would want this anymore. Not after what I did.”

“Debbie thought it a good idea to just move it to next year, in case you still wanted it, and.. well, in case you and I are still...” she cleared her throat, face red, not wanting to finish her sentence for fear of jinxing it.

You pushed your chair back and walked over to her, cupping her face and kissing her sweetly. She melted in your touch.

“Of course I’ll still want it,” you said, brushing her mouth with your lips. “I want you.”

“So-, are- are we o-okay?”  Tammy’s breath hitched with increasing sobs and you kissed her, again and again.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you laughed, kissing her tears away. “I don’t want anything except you.”

“Good,” Tammy giggled, “because I don’t think I had anymore energy to finish these plans.”

“When did you start making this?”

“About a month ago.”

“Oh, Tammy, my God,” you threw your head back, understanding why she had gotten so distanced now. “You can’t possibly think all of that-” gesturing to the thick book, “would be possible to plan in just a few weeks right? Not with your perfectionist habits, at least.”

“Hey,” Tammy warned, but her eyes were twinkling. 

“Plus, I love every single detail you put in there, I swear, but I don’t need anything except you and the people we love on my birthday. Seriously.”

“Good, because that’s exactly what Lou offered after she slapped some sense into me,” Tammy confessed. “A party at her loft or one of her clubs? And then.. cake?”

“Yes!” you clapped your hands. “Our friends, and cake.”

You slid forward to sit in Tammy’s lap and pressed your warm face in her neck, kissing her there and hugging her closely.

“That’s all I need,” you murmured. “That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Tammy let out another sob, wrapping her arms around you tightly and kissing the side of your head, nuzzling your hair without abandon. 

A/N: A bit longer than usual but I wanted to do the lovely request justice :D Miscommunication is such a bitch... especially when it doesn’t work out, but in this fiction land it does!! We love soft!Tammy~

your analysis of selim? i think he's hated way more than he deserves. hating him for valid reasons is fine but telling that he's gonna be such a bad sultan is really stupid [and especially because only now do they bring out history & say selim was bad which is historically inaccurate as well]. out of all of suleyman's sons, it was only mustafa who was loved by all & talented [show only cuz apparently mehmet was also extremely talented & selim wasn't a bad sultan] enough for the throne. bayezid was extremely hotheaded and you can't tell me that a prince who can't control his emotions, especially in front of state officials, will be a good sultan. everyone tells selim was extremely selfish & the instigator of all their fights, when they were younger & older. siblings are always like that?? mustafa obviously wasn't like that because he was way older than mehmet, mihrimah, selim, bayezid & cihangir to get into stupid fights w/ them. mehmet & mihrimah had frequent & annoying arguments because they were closer in age. selim & bayezid had frequent fights because they were closer in age. this is a thing with many siblings; the elder provoking the younger & the younger disrespecting the elder. why do people point out their sibling fights as evidence for selim's personality? i feel sorry for bayezid as a kid but i feel less remorse for him as he's older. i don't say he deserves execution, especially at the hands of his own father, but he did rebel against his father's order & then proceeded to flee to another empire; like, the punishment for that is execution, what did he expect after rebelling? i feel extremely sorry for all his sons though, they didn't deserve this fate when they were just victims of their father's rebellion. also, unpopular opinion but bayezid is lowkey overrated pls don't cancel me i love him but he's annoying at times like all characters & no one really acknowledges it back to selim, he was honestly very underrated. he was really slandered in the series and he didn't have any real support w/ him until nurbanu & sokollu. although hurrem did vouch for him to go to manisa, it was literally only because he was 'peaceful' [we can read that as untalented as well] and no harm would reach him because he wasn't a threat [i actually really liked this plan of hurrem's, tough & clever; only if she was actually supported in this]. even mihrimah, till the end, is quite unfair to him. he had a problem w/ alcohol & people telling him to just stop? like, it doesn't work that way? people have to suffer so much in order to stop their addictions & they're actually restricted from their addictions; selim was a prince, no one around him could restrict him [his parents could but they weren't w/ him in his provinces]. he did become politically active w/ nurbanu's growing ambitions & he took smarter, more cunning & dirtier measures than bayezid to win the throne. the battle for the throne was bloody; resorting to honour like mustafa did was obviously not the best decision & people insult selim for being cunning enough [or being influenced by cunning people] to win the throne. let's also keep in mind that selim didn't even have much of an interest for the throne until manisa & nurbanu. i also like his relationship w/ nurbanu. it paralleled suleyman & hurrem's w/ the concubine arcs but selim did end up being monogamous to her in the show. their chemistry was fantastic [props to engin & merve for their acting] and although i don't really enjoy the 'a woman makes a man strong & influences him in everything; good or evil' kind of take, i did enjoy their relationship [he also sometimes looked at her like she was this ethereal type miracle, appropriately so w/ her courage]. i like what the show did w/ bayezid's execution a lot, the whole scene was such a wonderful cinematic experience; the music, bayezid's agonizing screams, his sons falling one by one, selim crying because he didn't want it to end up this way, bayezid falling & his screams ceasing, selim's heartbroken face because he was always a soft person & he always loved bayezid;

ahh, what a scene, so much love for it. anyway, that's just my opinion; i think he's hated way more than he deserves, especially in comparison to other characters & he's actually one of my most favourite characters from s4 [but i honestly love all characters w/ their good & bad, mc has many complex characters & i live for it]. what do you think about selim? sorry if you got annoyed at the long ask, i can get really heated when talking about selim [especially in reference to his historical figure], hope you don't mind if❤ [if it is annoying i'll stop it]

(okay, I'll talk strictly about the show, since I don't feel like delving deep into historical waters. There is still stuff we don't know for sure and I do want to keep the line between show and history in my head, except for the similar themes.)

While he isn't particularly my favorite character, I appreciate MC Selim and he is a very interesting subject when it comes to analyzing him. I'm actually amazed with what the show did with him in the span of a season (and something, counting some S02B and S03B moments) - he was one of the most fleshed out characters in S04 and we could get a clear picture as to why he does what he does.

Some people consider his debut to be an insult, for it immediately showed some of his weaknesses, putting him in a bad light right out of the gate. But all I can see in this debut is a showcase of his predicament of the prince no one sees as a capable heir of the throne. It’s as if he sleeps with women and drinks as a coping mechanism he’s delved into, with Mihrimah having to do effort to snap him out of it. The Selim we see in the beginning of S04 is a hopeless person. He doesn’t have dreams and ambitions, it’s as if he’s a already a lost cause and he has no one to truly support him. Even Hürrem wanted to send him to Manisa not because she deemed him as worthy, but to use him as a shield in order to deceive her enemies and protect the actual favorite. That may seem like a clever plan, but in actuality, it failed spectacularly - not only did her enemies not get confused for a second and didn’t attack Selim at all, but she forgot to tell Bayezid why she did it and made Selim confused to the point of demotivation, because none of his brothers were truly happy with this decision and they were all opposing it, directly and indirectly. And while he may not show it that much, because of his more composed and pragmatic nature, Selim is sensitive to the opinions of his brothers and the people around him and their prevailing disapproval may be a part of why he became so different than the rest. It’s like no one wanted to get to know him.

Nurbanu’s entrance in Selim’s life is very cathartic in this aspect, for she actually worked with him and gave him the needed motivation and ambition to fight, awaking sides of him that were dormant for a long time. And yes, I do think that Selim’s pragmatism is something he always had, if the whole arrow incident in S03B where he sabotaged Bayezid’s arrow, which caused him to lose is any indication. 

{I don’t think that the quarrels Selim and Bayezid had when they were little are so much indicators of Selim’s personality as they are foreshadowing of their future conflict. Right, these quarrels are normal for siblings and Mehmet and Mihrimah also fought like that (heck, even little Mehmet and Mustafa had a fight once in S01 and that fight was used as the conflict of the remainder of that one episode), but they weren’t as frequent as the ones of Selim and Bayezid. I don’t know, it’s just the atmosphere of these scenes was different and hinted at something more. It could be because we know the historical events and we could see every tiniest bit of early sibling rivalry between them as build-up, but still, I always felt there just was something else. Like the whole arrow incident I mentioned, a presumably harmless little situation gains a whole other meaning later on. It sets up neatly Süleiman’s opinions of both of them (his reaction to apparent disobedience and the making of a scene by someone he doesn’t expect to, by which I mean Bayezid), Hürrem’s retroactive ignorance of a possible bigger enmity and the roots of the whole conflict. It’s not Selim deciding to sabotage Bayezid’s performance as a last resort, maybe knowing that he surely won’t do better than his brother (doing a pretty typical ,,prank’’ for a little, naughty kid) that is exemplary of his cunning later, it’s his validation and him getting away with it that eventually becomes it, just like how he ends up getting away with stuff in the next season. Selim definetly isn’t the instigator of all the fights, especially because Bayezid, thanks to his more impulsive nature, is much more likely to start a fight in the first place and contrasts to Selim’s overall better composure. Provokations among them were mutual and both were consistently throwing darts at each other, one after another. Their conflict is a very nuanced issue: while people try to play right and wrong, both sides were at fault one way or another. The conflict between them is mostly caused by insensitivity, favoritism and ignorance and the desperation of both to try to prove themselves to their parents and win their support, at the end of the day. Why did they always calm down in front of their mother? Not only because of their joint respect for her, but also because of these same attempts to earn her support. Even Bayezid, who obviously had to be sure of her support, wasn’t completely certain of it after Hurrem turned it on Selim for a while. Selim, on the other hand, obviously never felt her support, it’s like something was missing right from the start. Combine that with their completely opposing personalities and the whole system encouraging competition for the throne and there you have the inevitable ultimate conclusion. That’s why I also love the set-up, the pay-off and the aftermath of Bayezid’s execution. It may be historically inaccurate that Selim, not Süleiman, executed Bayezid, but when you think about it, it was the most logical thing that could’ve happened, ending their conflict with a heart-wrenching bow. I love the scene of the execution itself, too - the action, the dialogue, the direction, the character moments, the themes... I don’t know whether Selim loved Bayezid by that point, per say, after all they went through, but it was clear that he knew that he had to do it, that it couldn’t have ended any other way, but he was broken over it. He was aware that it was, ultimately, a sin, which would continue haunting him. He couldn’t catch a break afterwards, he couldn’t stop. All was solved, but at what cost?}

I love his dynamic with Nurbanu - they balanced each other off so well, their chemistry was amazing, such a power couple. Nurbanu’s biggest contribution is hiding some of his flaws and mobilizing him to fight. Her cold pragmatism ,,grounds’’ Selim’s softer side, she’s there to always remind him of the stakes of the game and to shut off the last ounces of his vulnerabilities after Hurrem died. He sure is influenced by her, but that doesn’t mean that he blindly takes her word for everything - he is always ready to call her out when necessary and assure her that there are lines she shouldn’t cross. Despite of her pleas, he kept having affairs with other women (that is honestly a trend with all the men of the show, but still..), he got mad at her after what happened to Huricihan and most notably, after he found out that she possibly stole his mother’s ring. A part of why their dynamic works so well is precisely this strenght of character and their awesome compatibility. 

I have heard affirmations that Selim doesn’t care about Mustafa, which... simply isn’t true? While they have the least scenes together and Selim is the one that considers him most as a rival and his most dangerous competitor for the throne (which would explain his startled reaction after Musti saved him from the janissary), it’s precisely Mustafa’s death that is the turning point of his character arc. He was upping his game slowly but surely and before then, but he didn’t do much in terms of attacks. Neither Selim, nor Nurbanu once considered attacking Mustafa, the supposed biggest danger to them, which I find respectable and admirable. The bomb with the death drops and then every hope about a fair game is abandoned. Selim gets the realization that being honorable won’t work. The only way to win is bend the system and play dirty. There’s no time for sitting around or looking nice. And even though Nurbanu realized this, too, as well as Selim, Nurbanu was always more inclined to act this way than him and now the righteousness of her methods were only getting confirmed. It was Selim that had to reach this end. Discovering that he is no longer allowed to show any kind of weakness. Every chance that appears on the horizon, he’ll take it. That brings him to his first true dirty plan - the trap he set through the fake Mustafa rebellion.

Speaking of which, the worst deed of Selim’s for me is connected to that rebellion. I know I may be very biased in this regard, since it affects my personal favorite character and isn’t as recalled as others, but I hated when, in Selim and Sokollu’s attempts to wash their hands from the pulled off stunt, Sokollu, his man, told SS that Mahidevran was giving money to the rebellion. Okay, it’s not said outright whether is this directly tied to Selim or it was something Sokollu himself came up with out of desperation or something (though it was hinted that both thought something through in a scene where both were saying that they should come clean out of this all somehow) and it’s not outrightly confirmed whether Mahidevran gave the money or not (I highly doubt she did it; not only because it would destroy her whole S04 arc and she would become, well... MCK Gulbahar, but also because after the messenger told her of her alleged blame in E129, her eyes widened in surprise.), but all it does is be the only explicit case where Selim indeed looks bad, for his proposal to return Mahidevran in the castle doesn’t seem to stem from genuine guilt and remorse, but rather a late and empty attempt to placate his own conscience. Oh, not to mention (for the upteenth time, sorry in advance) how the scene back in E58 where Hurrem tells Mahidevran that her kids will be there taking care for her when she’s alone, which was treated as some big foreshadowing in the show, as well, by both the voice of the S02B narrative and the fandom alike, loses its value even more with that framing, because Selim and Sokollu themselves brought her to this state in the first place!!! Despite it making sense anyway, it’s still such a disservice to Selim as a person both inside and outside of the writing. 

One aspect of Selim’s pragmatism I find most interesting is his ability to turn his enemies into allies, knowing exactly how to amass them and get them on his side, be it through giving them more money and promising them the world. These alliances are all opportunistic in nature and may not be as loyal as those of Mustafa’s or of Mustafa’s people (like Atmaca) with Bayezid, but I think Selim knows this and wants to keep them steady enough for the common goal. As for what kind of a padisah he’ll be.... I believe that state matters would be the least of his concerns, since he was shown to not care so much about them, compared to his other brothers (but then again, the show itself doesn’t put the political capability of the princes at center stage - their personal virtues are always the determining factor of what makes a good padisah and what doesn’t, more of a psychological outlook, if you will.) and he perhaps won’t plan as many campaigns or conquer as many territories, maybe he won’t be that successful at all, but his cunning would bring him advantage in front of his people, he will be at least a bit careful of who he’s choosing and won’t simply lose it in front of everyone, compared to Bayezid’s impulsive temper.

[I love Bayezid as a character, but the shadier aspects of his personality sure tend to be overlooked. While his anger is directed mainly at Selim and Suleiman, it often reaches such extremes to the point it becomes destructive and affects everyone. He doesn’t deserve his execution at all and most of his actions stem from a very sympathetic place, given how SS never truly gave him a chance and he went on the inevitable path, because he, just like Selim, realized that honor won’t work in this war, but took the opposite approach from Mustafa, direct rebellion. And predictably, both approaches didn’t work since Bayezid, too, was taken advantage of. While he didn’t get justice, the lead-up to his execution is a character arc of his and there are many reasons and events linking it all together and showing us why it took place the way it did.]

Selim’s dynamic with Suleiman is proof of how you can be presumably favored, but you have to work to get there. The reasons Suleiman favored him are very telling and sad and we see that he also doesn’t favor him because of any and all capabilities he may have, but because of his self-imposed distorted view of loyalty Selim has to do a lot to preserve, actually. He constantly has to make it so it looks like he’s loyal and obedient and doesn’t work behind his back. He doesn’t get the fullest appreciation from his father, as well, and I certainly feel it impacts him, in a way.

I agree that Mihrimah could be unfair to Selim. They weren’t that close and she had this open preference to Bayezid. Most annoyingly is when, in their confrontation in E139, which highlights even more their parallel sins, Mihrimah doesn’t seem to face that sin of hers when Selim calls her out on it. She has a reason to deeply resent him after what he did to Bayezid, but was offended when he reminded her of the crime she also committed. More solidarity on that front would be a bit better, at least a hint of like recognizing like even for a moment. (but maybe then her scene with Mahidevran later wouldn’t be as impactful? Huh.)

And lastly, about his drinking - Nurbanu tried to restrict him, but it’s true that such habits aren’t easy to give up on, especially knowing how his drinking is a coping mechanism as much as it is something he enjoys. He knows he shouldn’t do it, he’s told he shouldn’t do it, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t drink when he’s planning or scheming, but he keeps on doing it more and more with every problematic action of his. It’s an attempt to supress his otherwise strong conscience to the max, seeing how after his brother’s execution he apparently always took a drink when he was alone at night, fighting an inner conflict with himself. I don’t think there was a way he could stop doing it permanently in the show. It was a part of who he was, unfortunately or not. 

A Mislabeled Hourglass

Summary: Fundy grows up faster than Wilbur was expecting but he is going to make the most of his son’s shorter childhood regardless.

Warnings: Mentions of hunting animals, implied character death

Wilbur is no stranger to growing up faster than most. In the midst of learning survival skills as a child, he was still able to play to his heart's content. His mum, and later Phil, never cared too much if he got dirty. Kids will be kids. Despite that, his first experience with grief is at 6, he causes an animal's death sooner than most would and he dies himself for the first time at the age of only 9 (stupid accident, he should have watched his step). He is perhaps 8 when Phil gives him his first taste of independence. At 11, Tommy enters their life and makes him a big brother. Phil's day trips gradually get more frequent, sometimes stretching out for longer durations too. Whenever it's just him and Tommy, he has to be responsible, has to play a more adult role despite being in his early teens when it becomes a noticeable habit. Then Technoblade shows up. You could argue that from around 17 or 18, Wilbur is practically becomes a young carer on a full time basis. However, this accelerated maturation was all mental. The earth had gone around the sun once when he spoke his first word, five times when he began deciphering sequences of letters as words, ten times when Phil told him what to expect over the next several years and it had completed its 19th revolution shortly before Fundy came into the world. Fundy was... different. First of all, he was a shapeshifter so right off the bat, he was never going to look fully human. Sally had fins and naturally red hair. Fundy was born with a substantial amount of ginger hair and ears that seemed slightly more pointed than they should be. When his son gets older, it will become apparent that his senses are stronger than Wilbur's too. Speaking of Fundy getting older... Wilbur has a hunch that something isn't quite right when his baby rapidly outgrows clothes meant for his age group. He initially dismisses it as Fundy likely inheriting his ridiculously tall genes. Because what else could it be, right? Then he is crawling at 2 months old. Wilbur's far from a baby expert but he's sure infants don't become that mobile that soon. A month or so later, Fundy takes his first clumsy steps towards him. Now that? Yeah, that undoubtedly raises alarm bells. He knows for a fact that that milestone was for those around 12 months old. Okay yep, something was definitely up. The books say Fundy should have been introduced to solid foods by now. He guesses that puts him in the Bad Dad category, along with temporarily using cows to feed him when he first got Fundy. He'd defend himself by pointing out he didn't have formula on hand the moment he became a father and was yet to learn non-human milk wasn't actually good for the baby but those excuses don't seem credible. He knows he's been going about this blinder than he would liked since day 1 but the accelerated aging might end up screwing him over even more. Ha, imagine having time to settle into parenting a baby before they graduate into toddlerhood. It's fine, he swears it's fine. It just means he gets to start having comprehensible, reciprocated conversations sooner than most, not to mention going through less nappies. There are stumbles for the first week or two after Fundy learns to walk but his son soon gets the hang of it. Only days after his first steps comes his first word. Noisy pattering paired with cries of "Daddy!" get more common. He could certainly get used to this. A one year old's way of running is potentially one of the silliest things he's ever witnessed. But look at his little champion go! When Fundy learns to crouch, Wilbur is crouching right beside him. Tommy comments that he looks and sounds like an idiot whenever he plays with Fundy. Wilbur pays him no heed because his brother is an absolute hypocrite. He has to say, Tommy is doing a great job for someone who was thrown in at the deep end just as much as he was and his brother doesn't even have the responsibility of having to care for a kid. He's always been a bit... rough and ready when it comes to playing with others. But with Fundy, he makes sure to be gentle around the toddler. Wilbur isn't entirely sure whether hanging upside down from someone's grip on a near daily basis is healthy for a little kid but Fundy's eruption of giggles each time suggest otherwise. When Tommy turned 11, he was not yet an uncle. The following April, he has a two year old nephew who complains he wants to help blow out the candles, nearly fighting for his right to do it instead of the actual birthday boy. It somehow leads to a pillow fight between them. So all in all, Tommy is taking it in his stride. By Fundy's second Christmas, Wilbur is able to start calculating. A 14 month old kid is supposed to be getting the hang of being bipedal, not receiving books that will help them learn how to read. Given that his son was walking at 3 months old, his best guess is that Fundy's development rate was four times that of other children. It seems consistent too since Fundy is approximately the equivalent of a 4 or 5 year old boy now. He recalls Sally once joking about how shapeshifters tended to live fast and die 'young'. He thinks he gets what she means now. Quadruple speed for Fundy though? Fuck. If he's got the maths right, they will be the same physical age when Wilbur is 25. The gap will only grow more and more from then on. At 30, he will have a child who is roughly 40. And when Wilbur himself is 40... he'd rather not dwell on the heartache his early 40s are set to bring. He has been given a 60 second hourglass that's been labelled as a 4 minute one. He's begun to comprehend this with 2 seconds' worth of sand already piling at the bottom. What is he even supposed to do? Does he bake a birthday cake every January, April, July and October 10th or just that last date? He guesses that will be for Fundy to decide in the future. Tommy has made a 'reverse leap day kid' joke before but it really is based in truth. While still a small child, one of Fundy's favourite places to rest is against his father's chest. There have been plenty of nights where the little boy has fallen asleep in his father's arms while being read a story. He's rapidly getting bigger and Wilbur frequently has to adapt how he holds him to accommodate. In the quietest of moments, his eyes will notice a tiny mischievous smile directed at him that will make his day or his ears will catch the softest of snores coming from beside him. As much as he tries to enjoy those occasions, peace often leads to a chance for overthinking to take place. When that happens, it all turns bittersweet with the desperate wish he could get several years of this, not feel lucky if he gets more than 2 or 3 of them. Of course, every time Fundy is resting against his chest is not necessarily positive. There are obviously the typical 'toddler having a breakdown because they scraped their knee' type stuff. Those are fine, all he has to do is soothe him and distract from what is usually an overthought 'injury'. But then there are the times where Fundy's fingers ache from the ordeal of slowly developing claws, Wilbur lets him dig his nails into his jumpers as hard as he feels the need to. The same happens whenever there is any significant growth with his ears too. The older Fundy gets, the more used to the flat of a small head pressing into his chest he becomes. He would do anything to alleviate his pain and discomfort if he could. And no, he definitely hasn't shed a tear or two when nobody is watching in regards to the matter. From here on in, it feels like he's on home soil. He's helped raise a kid from the age of 4 before. The only difference now is that this kid is his own flesh and blood. And a shapeshifter, which Tommy never was. They've begun entering the "Dad, look what I can do!" phase of Fundy's life, now that he is getting more capable with age. The first major instance is when he comes home from a hunt. Tommy has a smug look on his face and Fundy seems seconds from exploding with excitement. His son is let loose on him as soon as he's freshened up, dragging him to a chair where he is made to listen to the most drawn out reading session he has ever experienced. But Wilbur can't help but beam every time Fundy successfully gets through a word. The day he believes Fundy is old enough to start learn how to use a bow can't come soon enough. He knows fuck all about hybrids or shapeshifters other than the very basics. He can't tell you how to construct the most impressive of architectural structures. But this, archery and hunting? Now that he can impart wisdom on. He passes down second hand stories about Fundy's grandma and anecdotes about his trips with Phil when he was a young boy himself. As far as he can tell, Fundy laps it all up. Swordplay is soon added to the mix of training activities. The wooden sword he crafted for his son is slightly too big but eh, the kid will quickly grow into (then inevitably out of) it sooner than later. They gradually work up from technique and stance to improving accuracy and striking moving targets. Every bit of progress he makes, his dad is there cheering him on. Fundy only grows reluctant when it begins to get 'real'. That is to say, when Wilbur tries to take him on an actual hunt or attempts to introduce him to the subject of turning a kill into a meal. And yeah, he gets it. He wasn't the biggest fan of it either when he was being taught himself. Plus, he's aware Fundy's nose is more sensitive than his or Tommy's so yep, preparing a body's going to be even less pleasant for him. It's unfortunately a part of this sort of life. There's... well, there's always the option of heading down to the butcher's in town. Just keep in mind who got his first girlfriend indirectly due to the fact her dad would always give him money for helping supply produce. You've been doing great though. The important part is you're learning how to survive on your own if need be, not to mention how to defend yourself in case of an attack. Another part of Fundy's development to make him gush with pride is when he starts to really hone his shapeshifter nature. It's small at first, a furrier hand transforming into a paw here, a lump of a half formed tail spotted underneath a dressing gown there. He can't really describe how happy it makes him to see a child with a fox's head greet him one morning when Fundy jumps out from behind a door. There are features the young shapeshifter will keep in his human form obviously. Yet it's thrilling to have him keep coming over to show off a new shifting-related ability. The first time Fundy manages to morph fully into a fox, during the spring after his 2nd birthday, Wilbur promises the three of them can have an 'anything Fundy says, goes' type thing the following day in celebration. There are times where Fundy may, for instance, forget to include his tail as an animal or he'll walk around as his usual self, albeit with accidental fox eyes. It's simply a matter of practise, Wilbur believes. One of the best parts of Fundy gradually improving his shapeshifting is the fact he loves to curl up on his dad's lap while in fox form. Wilbur cherishes it. Fundy's getting older now (taller too, this kid is undoubtedly going to be at least 6 foot one day) but he'll always be smaller as a fox than as a human. Forgive a father with limited time to enjoy carrying his son around for wanting to prolong the inevitable. Fundy is 3 when he physically catches up with Tommy, age wise. It's not until he is the equivalent of maybe 15 that he passes his uncle's height. Tommy complains about it incessantly, especially whenever Fundy teases him about how much taller he's getting. It's all fun and games but Wilbur was an unusually large teenager once (only a few years ago really, though let's not dwell on that) so he understands what it's like. Going through growth spurts is hardly the most enjoyable thing out there and he can't imagine how it must feel to keep getting hit by them with even less time to settle into your new height. Not to mention growing pains. During a quiet evening, he checks in on his son and approaches the subject. It leads to him allowing Fundy to rant about the worst parts of growing up. Orange fur recedes on his arms to show a few stretch marks. Ah, he was wondering if the extra hair was deliberate or simply puberty taking hold. He assures Fundy stretch marks aren't something to be ashamed of. He got a bunch of them himself at his age. Although, they've pretty much all faded by now. It's fine, you don't need to stress about it. Besides, Tommy's going through the same kind of shit. The main problem with Fundy and Tommy being similar ages now is that they are arguably closer than ever. Which, no, isn't a bad thing. In fact, he's glad that for a few months they're able to hang out on more equal footing. The issue lies in the fact that Fundy takes after his uncle when it comes to causing mischief. The little rascal is turning into a bit of a prankster. And yeah, maybe Wilbur himself likes channelling hints of chaos into his life but you'll never hear the designated responsible adult admit to that in the others' presence. At one point, Fundy is a six year old gleefully explaining how Tommy helped him up so he could place that water bucket. Only a year later, there's an 11 year old revealing that yes, he was the one to make their chickens, cows and sheep switch enclosures during the night. He only gets more ambitious from there. God knows where he got all that dye from when he's in his mid-teens. Fundy is much like himself as a teenager. Both clearly love their respective fathers but both grow to varying degrees of resentment regarding the level of independence they are given. Wilbur always had too much. It was his job to take care of Tommy whenever Phil left on short trips until the avian hybrid pretty much said 'well, you're an adult now, you can take care of things all by yourself' before heading off with Technoblade for months on end. It's why Wilbur knows kids want a safety net, for an adult to be there to help them out if they need it (no matter how mature or independent they feel). Has he taken it further than he should have? Maybe. Fundy is the only one who can be the true judge of that. He just wants his little boy to be safe and happy. He didn't want him to grow up so quickly. However, even if this was happening in 15 years, he would have grown up too soon. It doesn't surprise him too much when Tommy and Fundy make the choice to go off on their own. He only allows it because they promise they will stick together throughout the journey. He supposes it was time. Phil snuck off to do the same around their age and his mum was roughly 18 when she set off to be a nomadic traveller. The thought to live a similar style life has crossed Wilbur's mind. His duty to the two boys under his care has always made him reconsider. But Tommy is 16 now and not as much of a child as Wilbur likes to say he is. As for Fundy, he's probably around the equivalent of 18 or 19 by this point. He hates to admit it but they've both grown up. Where the hell did the time go? So although it pains him to do so, he nevertheless sends them off with a smile. If they find anywhere nice in their adventures, they'll be sure to tell him. He might even join them if they choose to stick around in one area. He turns back into the house after they leave and fuck, has it always been this empty? He gets a letter in early July, telling him all about this place called the Dream SMP and their time there. He arrives and things seem to snowball as soon as he begins the 'drug business' bullshit. Suddenly, he's a general with his brother and son as soldiers, along with some new friends. They are at a disadvantage in this fight against tyranny but it's okay, Eret says she has a secret weapon. They might just pull through. Or... they might instead be brutally betrayed by a former friend and lose so much more than their possessions. He loses track of his battalion in the chaos. All he knows is screaming for everyone to flee. Then the agony a sword through his stomach. Tubbo's dead, as is Tommy. Where's Fundy? He can't see him anywhere. God, please say he managed to get the fuck out of here. Please let it be that he turned into a fox and scarpered away, something like that. Never mind his dad. If Fundy's alright, he'll be alright too. He loves his son, has done all he was able to ensure his little boy has never had reason to doubt this fact. Over the past few years, that love has been repaid in mischievous grins, unrestrained giggles and drowsy cuddles, among other quieter moments. It gets repaid once again as a boy playing a soldier struggles to join the side of his pretend general of a father in order to loosely grasp hands. It barely registers. Neither does the tiny pained smile or ginger hair that go largely missed by eyes preoccupied with the vain effort to keep them open. They all celebrate the independence they'd fought so hard for the next night. The bittersweet nature of this victory goes ignored. With all the cheerful chatter and singing declaring their land to be one of freedom from tyranny drifting in the evening air from the campfire, it feels like the good mood will never end. It feels like the only thing that may tear the father and son apart is Wilbur's desperation for just a bit more time with Fundy as his little boy, despite how painfully obvious he was already grown up into a man in less than 5 years. Arm slung around him as a toast is made, they are not yet a debilitatingly stressed president, increasingly suicidal exilee or secretly loyal spy. For tonight, they are still a relatively happy, loving pair. For tonight, there is hypothetically still so much time for them to stay like that.

Okay, I am sure somebody else somewhere has thought of this, but I was just watching the ending in an LP and had a bunch of thoughts and it all sort of came together like this.

Sephiroth wants to never die. He’s also ferociously lonely and has a horror-hunger-level need to belong somewhere, while simultaneously knowing in his gut that he does not, cannot belong with 99.99% of people on the planet. Back at Nibelheim, he found out the surface-level stuff about Jenova and lost his shit, assuming it was accurate that she was an Ancient and probably getting some influence from her. So during his first meltdown--he believed he was an artificially created Ancient, and wanted to kill all the humans and take the planet back for the ancients. Again, he was probably being manipulated by Jenova at this time, but it’s unclear how much that could influence his emotions and behavior. Then he was thrown into the Lifestream, where he undoubtedly learned the full truth of his own creation. He then supplants Jenova’s will, because she barely has one and he is a person with feelings, and turns all her powers towards his new goal of smash meteor into planet and become god. I’ll have to recheck dialogue, but if I’m not mistaken he doesn’t actually want to completely destroy the whole planet. His intention is to kill every living thing on the planet, absorb all the lifestream, and… make a new planet? Use the power to travel through space like jenova? Idk. I like the former for my theory, because then I can conclude he assumes he would of course belong to a new world of his own creation that he reigns over like a god. But I can’t remember how thoroughly he described what he wanted to do after Meteor.

So. He’s prevented from completing that goal by the events of the OG/compilation, but he cannot fully be killed either and just hangs out isolated in the lifestream until the Planet dies, much later. Sephiroth cannot have the actual planet actually dying. That makes him die too. So he uses a mix of Jenova and Lifestream powers to go back in time. He can’t change history himself, that’s part of the planet and he isn’t, and for the same reason he can’t really affect the whispers, although he can stir them up. So he has to use his influence over Cloud and other Sephiroth clones to achieve his current goal of never dying. And he genuinely believes that his interests and Cloud’s interests align for this. Why, Sephiroth is actually trying to save the planet! That’s what Cloud does! ...not to mention that throughout his entire life, Cloud as the sole successful Sephiroth clone is the closest thing Sephiroth feels he has to a peer in the entire history of the planet. I am not familiar with Genesis and Angeal, but for the sake of this theory I have to assume that Sephiroth preferred to dismiss them as clearly inferior for dying rather than feel any grief or closeness or anything. He has come to respect Cloud because Cloud’s the only one who has repeatedly been able to defeat him. Therefore, I think he’s being as sincere as he can when he’s talking to Cloud throughout Remake. Manipulative, yes. Not telling him everything, of course. But if there’s one thing I have noticed about Sephiroth’s character over the course of 25 years of playing the OG, it’s that he is not actually particularly interested in outright lying. The main time he is believed to be lying, it’s unclear whether he even realized at that point that Cloud was the same soldier that was at Nibelheim, and if he did he might not have realized how much of Cloud’s persona was still him and not just a weird Jenova-crafted show. I think the Zack stuff is very likely things Sephiroth is attempting to offer Cloud, or things Cloud subconsciously changed without fully realizing what he was doing.

Anyway, the main reason I really like this whole theory is that a. This places Sephiroth and his worldview in direct opposition to Aerith. Aerith is connected to the Planet and must accept the inevitability of her own death as well as the Planet’s. Sephiroth is isolated from the Planet and refuses to accept any such thing. Which I feel could lead to some very interesting push and pull on Cloud, as Sephiroth could very well attempt to push Cloud to save Aerith, trying to get Cloud in a headspace of refusing to accept death, while Aerith would insist on letting go for the greater good and the natural order. (Not that Sephiroth will in any way try to avoid killing her. He can’t change the past, and the point isn’t “let Aerith live”, the point is “make Cloud change things to save her, make Cloud change things to save everything forever including me”). And b. it does as much fleshing out of Sephiroth and his development and motives as the Remake has done for every other character so far. In my opinion, Sephiroth is not and should not be portrayed as a flat evil villain. He’s cold, disconnected, cruel, and inhuman, but in a lot of ways he is still very human. I have felt for ages that it was Sephiroth’s very human emotions that made his will strong enough to completely supplant Jenova’s will in her own cells, and his freak out in Nibelheim was a very human reaction acted out with terrifyingly inhuman strength.

...anyway that’s just where I’m at with Remake Sephiroth right now. My opinion will probably change again next time I play through, and I will probably be wrong no matter how much I like any of my own theories, but I’m enjoying the ride. It’ll be fun to test this theory again the actual remake dialogue and see if it holds up.

(Sephiroth, I accept I am very likely wrong about. Certain other characters? My god I hope I’m right about Reeve, I will be so disappointed if my remake-inspired rethinking him through is too far off the mark.)