#abuse often RELIES on making you feel like this is your fault - that YOU did something; that this is almost divine justice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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I need to write this down, because I keep forgetting, and then struggle to empathize properly with this issue.

When you're a kid who's being groomed, brainwashed or exploited by someone, you don't feel it as a manipulation or harm; instead it feels like a fair exchange. You feel as if you've found a person, who is offering you some sort of security, empathy, companionship, understanding, safety, protection, even love. It makes you feel special, like you're a part of something important, or even something sacred, irreplaceable, something you will never get a chance to be a part of again. It feels safe, it feels like something you never want to lose, or even something you couldn't go on without. If you're of such bad luck that your groomer was the only person you could rely on for attention or love, then for you they were the only person who kept you from being completely neglected and alone. Children would give almost anything to not be neglected and alone.

And in return, you just have to give them something they need from you, and it doesn't feel like you're losing something important to them, it feels like this is normal, like you're lucky they actually need you back. You'd give them anything, as long as they stay with you, keep giving you purpose and importance and positive self-perception. You don't know what you're giving, you don't understand that you're losing something, or getting hurt or traumatized. You feel like you know what you're doing and you chose this, you need this. Like you need them.

A lot of grooming situations end with the abuser abandoning, or emotionally discarding the child, and this doesn't feel like relief that the exploitation is over, more often than not, it feels absolutely devastating, it fees like you're losing something important, something you depended upon or held onto for dear life. Being discarded after doing so much to try and keep this person wanting you, is crushing and heartbreaking. And then it can take years to re-contextualize the situation and to realize that it wasn't love, that it wasn't a positive bond, or something special, or something fair, that you were in fact, hurt so badly you now have trauma symptoms and see the world in a twisted, self-deprecating way because of what they did to you. That's another layer of unbearable pain, to understand that a person who you believed loved you, maybe even the only person to ever love you, did not in fact care for you at all. That they used you in the worst possible way and then got rid of you like you were nothing. A person who loves you wouldn't do that. They would never do that to you.

It's almost too painful to face this, and preferable to keep believing that it was love, but the person didn't know what they were doing or how it would affect you or was in some sort of dark past situation themselves so they couldn't' do better, so you could live with it somehow. Because to acknowledge that you were a defenseless child and that your vulnerability of inexperience and lack of protection was exploited in the worst possible way, by someone you loved so dearly you'd do anything for them, that is unbearable.

Grieving for what you had with the abuser, how it made you feel, missing them, needing more of what you got from them, wanting their attention, understanding, acknowledgment, apology, wanting to see that they can change and love you - that is normal after an event of abuse and grooming. That is normal for someone who didn't receive normal types of love that they didn't have to earn or deserve or give something in return for. That is not something to be ashamed for - you did not create this situation, and it's not your fault a predator found you and did this to you. You're allowed to grieve what you felt was love. You're allowed to grieve even the illusion you thought was true and built your life upon, it's a real loss, and a big loss.

The anger and the hatred might take a long time to come, or even never, because it's difficult to change how you felt towards someone your whole entire life, to such extreme level. It makes you feel like you were wrong, like you were cheated and tricked, and that's humiliating, unjust and makes you feel helpless, and that's the last thing you want to feel about your life. It's normal to just be sad and confused for a long time, and to take your time figuring out what actually happened, what part of it was intentional, how could a person do that to you and why would they. It's normal to want to cling to every last bit of hope before acknowledging that what happened was traumatic, undeserved and lead by the intentions of cruelty and personal gain. Your little heart did not deserve that, and it doesn't deserve it now. You deserve to take your time processing it.

#child grooming #brainwashing #child exploitation #child abuse #abusive caretakers #child predators #child groomers #how it feels to be groomed and to try and acknowledge and recover from it #grief from grooming #grief from being brainwashed and abandoned #grief from being used and discarded #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #psychological manipulation #abuse #trauma #cptsd

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avatar216 · 1 year

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Rant: Labour By Paris Paloma

This might get me hate, but I’m not sure. So, I was listening to Labour by Paris Paloma and it just honestly rubbed me the wrong way. I think it’s because the video that shows a woman who is clearly upper-middle class in a historical setting where she would of most likely have had a few servants and even some slaves to take care of everything shown in the video is complaining. It feels disingenuous to me because all I can think is that the servants below stairs should be saying this to both of them. Like I said I doubt she or he gets the water or fixes the gables. Even if she wasn’t married she would still have to do menial labor. Life ain’t free. Also, why not leave and if possible get a divorce? I get that’s what she's planning on doing, but why not sooner. Also, if they possibly already have a son, is she going to leave him behind with the husband who appears to be a drunkard as well as an abusive bastard?

I also think there is important context missing for the man because there is a huge difference between say working as a farmer/farm-hand or a gentleman farmer vs working in a trade like mining or millinery. I can definitely understand a guy coming home from something like that bone-deep tired and not wanting to do anything. Made worse if he came back from war and has trauma. A lot of men in England could not vote historically as well as women because they didn’t own enough or any land. Voting rights were dependent on land holdings. A day laborer could no more vote than his wife.

Most women were more focused on surviving and living to care about how they were treated. We honestly have to understand that they would really not have known any different. Homemaking was the norm and to deviate meant you were a spinster and thus a burden on your relatives. A single woman would have to rely on the charity of family and friends, if they did not marry and have their own household. Marriage provided women with freedom and security they wouldn’t have otherwise. They could of course work as a maid, farm-hand, or tutor/governess, but those would not have necessarily paid well. I don’t even want to know why this needs to be said, but it does none the less. Women did not work alone to do all these things regardless of having servants. Women would work together to complete tasks like cooking and looming, which could and would bring in income as well. Child rearing was a community thing. Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, and older siblings would help look after the younger ones. Just look at William the conquerer and his wife Matilda, who had nine children.

The video would make more sense if set in the post-war years of the late ‘40s/early ‘50s where the white picket fence dream was more of a thing and where your stereotypical housewife would be found since this type of wife is in fact a recent phenomenon because most couples would both bring in an income either through a dowry or funds made in the above mentioned ways. However, war rationing was still happening during these years in Britain. It lasted fourteen years in total. Also, the dream is an American one, so it’s kinda weird a Brit would want it. Marriage was not about love historically. It was more of a contract between families for economic and social status reasons. Often neither party got a say in it. It makes me wonder why the woman/women are not blaming their parents instead. In fact, England made it hard for people under 21 to just elope, so they would run away to Gretna Green. If this woman did run away with this man because she thought he would save her and so she could seemingly just kickup her feet and do nothing but instead he treats her like Cinderella, well that’s somewhat her fault. It kind of reminds me of my sister who has a man-child for a boyfriend who doesn’t do shit but yet begs her for money and makes her do everything, but it’s still her fault she’s in that relationship, but not that she gets treated like that.

Why does it seem that people forget effective contraceptives are very recent things? So yes, a woman having sex historically would most likely get pregnant. A man pulling out is only about 80% effective. Condoms did exist but they didn’t really work well.

I honestly don’t get why people are using this song for famous women who were badasses or cruel like Katherine of Aragon or Queen Bloody Mary Tudor. No one cares about lesser known badass women like Yolande of Aragon, who acted as regent of Provence during the minority of her son. She played a crucial role in the struggles between France and England as well. She helped fund Jeanne D’Arc {Joan of Arc}. Some of these women over shadowed their husbands like Catherine de’ Medici, wife of Henry II of France. I’m sorry this was so fucking long, but I had to get this out. Cross posting on Minds.com.

#labour by paris paloma #critical #rant #women in history

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years

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Can you have a memory repressed and then come back but not really still questioning if it was even real and then re-repress again? Like someone that I have memories of abusing me for so long claimed a certain memory happened of abuse that I supposedly did to him and when he kept insisting it happened I thought I remembered it? But not really at the same time… but now that I’m away from my abuser I really cant remember what he’s referring to and it doesn’t sound like me. Like I just don’t think it happened. Like I have no recollection just what he kept insisting for so long. Another one of my abusers did this same thing insisting for like 5 months a certain thing happened I did to him, he called me a manipulator and said I should learn to apologize and admit to shit and this is why people treat me like shit, then 5 months down the line admitted he made it up to fuck with me. Because if my other abuser was telling the truth it would mean I abused him. Or reacted and don’t remember anything from it? But the way he described it it really sounded like I was instigating and antagonizing him first…? He said I did something along the line of raging at him to do something for him by using threats and intimidation. He seemed so sure of himself that I believed him just don’t have the memory. Most of my memories are of him actually doing antagonistic things. Most are very foggy though. Like I know he sexually abused me on so many occasions but my memory of it is very little. I know generally what happened but don’t really remember it if that makes sense but I know for a fact it happened. Like memories are so weird. He seems so believable idk if I actually abused him or not and just deserved what he put me through? It’s so confusing it’s all I ever think about and it consumes my thoughts what’s real and what’s not and what’s my fault and what’s not? Is it possible he’s making it up and knows about it or actually remembers something I don’t? I brought up what I thought he did when I told him he sexually harassed me when he met me and touched me inappropriately but he insisted he just brushed against me and I feel like it was intentional, and he denied the rest idk why I always feel like I’m being super manipulative talking about this as honestly as I can I don’t want to put labels on things or accuse people falsely.

Hi anon,

While I do believe that it's possible to re-repress a memory, I don't think that's really what's happening here. What you're describing is reminiscent of DARVO, which is when an abuser refuses to take responsibility for their behavior and instead antagonizes their victim, claiming that they were in fact the victim in the situation. The denial aspect of it often involves gaslighting, which it sounds like could be the case here as well.

I feel like we all wish our abusers would just tell the truth and be honest about what happened, but we cannot rely on the people who broke us down to put us back together. Abusers often aren't willing to give their victims any sense of closure or relief. As abusers, that's not what they've chosen to do. Abusers often want you to second guess yourself so that they can get away with what they've done. It sounds like your abuser could be doing this.

Your truth doesn't need your abuser's validation. You know he assaulted you, and that is enough.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #trauma details #abuse #emotional abuse

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chrisbanksdivorcewithkids · 2 years

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Anger After Divorce

You've simply been served papers, you remain in shock as well as have no idea what to do. You have actually heard all the tales regarding just how it's most likely to be hard, yet you do not want to think them. You don't intend to think that your marital relationship mores than, yet you can not see otherwise out. You don't intend to consider it because it's too excruciating.

It's challenging when your marital relationship finishes. There's a lot of emotional turmoil included. You're upset at your spouse for leaving you, upset at yourself for allowing it to occur, upset at your youngsters for being impacted by it, and also angry at every person else for making you feel so bad. You seem like you've lost control of your life as well as whatever you own.

When you're handling anger after separation, it is very important to know where it's originating from. Rage is an emotion, not a behavior. It's normal to really feel upset when you're faced with a modification in your life. Nevertheless, if you allow your temper to take over, you will certainly discover on your own doing points you'll be sorry for later on.

Temper can create a lot of problems. It can make you lash out at others, including your kids. If you feel like you're blowing up, you might scream or hit a person. This can have an unfavorable influence on your kids. They might come to be frightened of you as well as not trust you. They might start acting out in manner ins which hurt themselves or others.

When you're upset, you might also have trouble thinking plainly. You might claim points you should not have claimed. You might lose your temper. You may even try to obtain your rage on the person that has actually triggered you pain. If you have a background of abuse, this might be a trigger.

Rage is an effective emotion. If you allow it obtain the best of you, you may wind up hurting on your own or another person. When you really feel mad, you need to get it under control. Below are some pointers to help you manage rage after separation:

1. Take a deep breath. Attempt to relax prior to you speak. Don't obtain caught up in the feeling of the minute. Take a breath deeply for a few minutes and also focus on something pleasant.

2. Speak to somebody you depend on. Discover someone you can speak to concerning how you're really feeling. You do not need to inform your spouse about your feelings. You can rely on a buddy or relative. You might also intend to call a therapist.

3. Write down your thoughts and sensations. Writing helps you organize your ideas and also feelings. You can utilize this checklist as a guide when you're really feeling upset.

4. Provide on your own consent to feel upset. Lots of people feel guilty when they're upset. You might inform yourself that you need to feel better than you do. Instead, accept just how you really feel. Do not judge on your own. Let go of your sense of guilt.

5. Ask yourself why you're really feeling upset. Exists something specific that happened? Existed a pattern of habits that was repeated? Did something actually take place? What was done to you?

6. Care for on your own. Go to sleep early and also get a lot of rest. Workout. Eat healthy and balanced foods. Drink lots of water.

7. Concentrate on the good things in your life. When you're mad, you often tend to focus on the negatives. Look for the favorable aspects of your life.

8. Make a strategy. Consider what you would like to do. Maybe you want to go back to school. Perhaps you wish to use up a leisure activity. Maybe you want to travel.

9. Bear in mind that anger is a momentary condition. It does not suggest that your marital relationship finished due to your rage. You really did not create the divorce.

10. Get aid. If you find that you're not able to handle your temper, look for professional help.

Temper after divorce can be a tough time. You may be attracted at fault your partner for the separation. Do not do this. Your partner is not responsible for your discomfort. You created the divorce. You can't change the past. You can only alter your future.

#divorce with kids

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linkspooky · 3 years

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Yuji, Alone.

I have been saying in my past few meta that Yuji has a really unhealthy way of viewing both himself, and his relationships with others. Yuji is excellent at reading the feelings of others and empathizing with them, and at the same time terrible at processing his own emotions, a trait he shares with Geto who he is once again paralleling this chapter by choosing to stew in isolation rather than reach out for support.

Chapter 138 does an excellent job of showing how deep these issues run, which I will explain under the cut.

1. Yuji and Geto

If I were to explain the unhealthy mindset Yuji has by simplifying it down to one sentenence, simply stated it would be “I want to help others, but I don’t want to accept help from other people.”

Both Yuji and Geto are so motivated by empathy they feel like they are responsible for solving other people’s problems, and they often use other people rather than themselves as a reason to move. They’re actually selfless to a fault. In that, it’s a problem in their behavior. They do everything they do for other peope, so they have no idea what they themselves want. If Gojo is someone who has a strong self image, a strong set of beliefs, an idea of what he wants to do to the world, Geto and Yuji are people who try not to think about themselves at all.

Not only does Yuji almost never critically exam his own motivations, but he also doesn’t think of his relationships with other people.

This is something Yaga pointed out as a danger with Yuji’s way of going about things, all the way at the beginning of his arc. If you’re doing it because your grandpa told you so, then is it really something you want to do? When you die, is it going to be your grandpa’s fault too?

Yuji is someone who seems selfless on the surface, and to an extent he is, but just like Geto that’s not all there is to him. It’s something Gojo called out early on, Geto presented himself as someone selfless, motivated entirely by using his powers to protect others, but he was also doing so self righteously.

To clarify what I mean by self righteous, Geto believed that he was doing something because it was the objective right thing to do, but actually it was just his own personal feelings. That’s why after Riko’s death forced him to critically examine himself, he realized he didn’t want to follow the rules of Jujutsu Society.

Both Yuji and Geto pay attention to others, but also have the blinders on in regards to themselves, and that’s the parallel right there. Yuji says he is doing these things for other people, that his number one priority is to save them but that motivation is even deconstructed in the third chapter.

Yuji’s not actually doing this for purely altruistic reasons, but for selfish ones. He wanted to do something that nobody else could do. Yuji’s life was like a vaccuum before this point. He didn’t have any real friends, or anything he wanted to do. Suddenly he had a purpose basically gift wrapped and handed to him on his lap.

Basically, Yuji and Geto both have this schewed way of seeing other people. They thing other people exist to validate their own existences.

To put it simply. If Hidden Inventory Geto helps weak people than he’s valid. If Yuji helps people, then he’s valid.

Not only is the way they view themselves built around how they help other people, but at the same time all of their relationships are built up on this as well. Relationships that are built upon shaky foundations will crumble apart easily when tested.

Geto’s most important relationship was with Gojo, they had an intense chemistry and interaction with one another like they were made for each other. They were both good at naturally balancing each other out, Geto was the one who stood up to Gojo and acted like a tether, and Gojo ackonwledged Geto as his one and only.

However, the relationship was also built on the idea that Gojo needed Geto. Geto was only able to view his relationships with other people in that way. Geto, wants to take care of people, wants to help people. However, eventually, he was left behind by Gojo who no longer needed him as a partner in combat. On top of that, Geto awoke to a higher purpose in ridding the world of cursed energy. Geto wants to be needed by somebody in the same sense that Yuji does, so for Geto at least being needed to save the whole world in his eyes, was just more important than maintaining his relationship with Gojo.

Which is why both Geto and Yuji’s relationships fall apart. They are great at making relationshisps, but not at maintaining them. Attention is drawn to the fact that the trio has great chemistry with each other and get along well, but they’re also terrible at communicating with each other.

"The seats... in my life... How should I put this? I don't want my heart to be affected by people who don't have a place there. Does that sound cold? Well, I guess there are also guys like you who brings their own chair and takes a seat." Translation by Miho.

Almost literally, I don’t want anyone who’s not a part of my life to try to talk to me or tell me what to do. Also the reference that Yuji is kind of different because Yuji just kind of walked into her life unannounced and invited himself there (this is how Yuji forms relationships with everyone.)

All three of them go behind each other’s backs and keep secrets from one another. All three of them avoid direct confrontation, Nobara even says she doesn’t really want anyone else even trying to tell her how to live her life. The Origin of Obedience arc shows that Nobara, Yuji and Megumi are all good at fighting together as a team, but also questioning if they have a healthy friendship outside of that?

Any relationship takes work, confrontation, arguments and even just plain old talking about things. However, someone who is primarily insecure in their relationships will not be able to do things. Couples shouldn’t only argue, but couples who never argue is just as unhealthy. If you are so afraid that one argument is going to end a relationship, then your relationship was fragile to begin with.

Yuji and Geto experience conditional relatinoships. In the sense that, they are only allowed to have friends, if they are helpful to those friends. They themselves are never allowed to ask for help. It’s true that Gojo was kind of blind to Geto’s faults, but also Geto would have never asked for help. Gojo could not see, and Geto deliberately hid things from them.

Geto always makes his relationships on the condition that he is needed. When Gojo grew more independent, Geto took that as a sign that Gojo didn’t need him anymore and deliberately started to pull away.

Because, Geto isn’t ever allowed to be the one who needs someone else.

2. Avoidant Attachment

This is just a personal theory of mine, but I think Yuji’s issues might even center around the psychological idea of attachment theory. Especially it’s since deliberately mentioned to Junpei, that Yuji never met his mother.

Attachment theory is a complex idea, but basically it states that attachment to other people, that is the idea to form healthy relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners is learned instead of naturally present in us. It’s a skill people develop in their formative years.

Those who show patterns of problematic attachment in childhood will continue the behavior into adulthood unless it’s corrected, because attachment is a skill that’s developed the same as anything else. Of the four categories, Yuji and Geto most resemble this one.

Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Which goes further to explain how they can be so empathic towards other people, and yet the same time completely unable to maintain close relationships with them. It’s because, they avoid people at the same time. They don’t seek out help when they need it, because, deep down they view themselves as unworthy of the help.

Geto did not immediately break after the trauma of losing Riko, it was the year of isolation after that where he slowly was consumed by his regrets. Geto got worse and worse over a period of time because he couldn’t handle his trauma in any healthy way, until he just completely snapped.

During that time he asked himself the same questions over and over again, but Geto wasn’t able to find any kind of healthy answer to his questions because, he didn’t reach out for anybody. It wasn’t just the trauma, it was the behavior after the trauma, the decision to isolate himself for over a year. No one does well in isolation. You need other people to grow or develop. If anything Geto stagnated. Geto’s central flaw was his self-righteousness. Rather than realizing he was wrong and trying to change this flaw of his, he just doubles down and becomes even more self righteous. He goes from believing he’s responsible for protecting all the weak people, to believing he’s a superior being tasked with eliminating all the weak people in the world. So, it’s not really that Geto changed, moreso that he stagnated because he cut off all his relationships with other people.

And isn’t Yuji doing the exact same thing right now? Yaga even points out this similaritiy between Geto and Yuji, that they try to carry every regret and burden they have on their own.

It’s not out of selflessness that they do this though, but rather insecurity. Geto didn’t come to Gojo with his problems, because he wanted to be the strongest alongside Gojo he didn’t want to be weak. He was deliberately avoiding Gojo.

I think it’s important to establish that Yuji wasn’t abandoned by his friends this chapter. Yuji is alone, because he chose to be alone. He’s alone because he’s avoiding both of his friends, because he’s so, so afraid the friendship will end because it’s based entirely on the condition that he be a helpful, good person.

It’s true that Yuji is genuinely worried about his friends getting hurt because of him, but look at his choices. He’s not really tackling the problem in a healthy way. He’s doing everything he can to avoid the problem, isolating himself, and just trying not to think about things. He could try to talk with Megumi and find a solution, but he’s not doing that because he’s insecure in his attachment to others.

I think his reaction to Choso pretty clearly illustrates this too. Yuji isn’t around his friends because he doesn’t want to be around them. Which is tragic, because Yuji is holding himself responsible for the mass murder which isn’t really his fault. However, Yuji saw his relationship with both Nobara and Megumi as conditional to begin with. He can only be friends with people he can help, and he can never receive help from them. It’s unhealthy to start with because relationships go both ways. Yuji is also, completely unresponsive to Choso.

Yes. Choso suddenly walking to him and delcaring them brothers is really weird. I don’t expect Yuji to just suddenly start getting along with him right away.

At the same time, Choso explains what the unconditional love between family is between Yuji, and Yuji just doesn’t get it, because he either hasn’t experienced enough of it, or his grandpa the only person that ever unconditionally loved him is gone. Yuji can’t understand Megumi’s love for him is unconditional,. because from the beginning he sees all relationships as conditional.

Yuji and Choso are facing opposite direcitons because they’re opposites. Choso is willing to hurt complete strangers too, but his love for his family is unconditional and he will do anything for them. Yuji will help complete strangers, but, he doesn’t really understand unconditional love, and even his love with his closest friends has a few conditions.

Which is why someone who appears on the surface as such a friendly guy who makes friends everywhere he goes, can call himself “a loner” because in Yuji’s mind he is. He doesn’t have friends, he has people who need him.

Which is just incredibly sad because Yuji doesn’t understand this. Yuji isolates himself thinking he’s doing it for the sake of his friends, but neither Megumi nor Nobara would want him to be alone.

#yuji itadori #megumi fushigoro #kugisaki nobara #suguru geto #choso #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jjk 138 #jujutsu kaisen 138 #jujutsu kaisen

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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Black woman saves and houses abused white woman and child

@dykecalianna asked:

Greetings! I follow this blog whenever I can and I recently came out with something in my story that I wanted to inquire about:

There’s a white woman in her late 30s, let’s call her “Vicky”, who (along with her daughter) is a victim of domestic abuse, and another character, a Black woman, “Cherry”, is made aware of this after a change encounter the two have at a café. She helps Vicky flee from her husband and lets her stay in her home - later, the two fall in love and get together.

I’m very aware of the White Saviour trope, and do my best to stay away from it. This is nothing like it, but does this fall under some sort of negative stereotype for Black women, like “saving the fragile white woman”? I should note that Cherry and Vicky are the exact same age, only Cherry is single and living alone. She is described by many as being very cute, and she is also secretly a well-renowned writer (she uses an alias when writing, so she kind of feels like a super heroine, which then ties with her storyline about Vicky). Also, I think it’s pretty clear, but the abusive husband is also white like Vicky.

I think it’s touching that Cherry saves this woman and her child from this abusive situation. I would like to discuss some areas that may help you explore if there’s a mammy / strong black woman / sacrificial negro dynamic here.

The chance encounter

Did Cherry (Black woman) meet Vicky (white woman) for the first time and instantly decide to get involved? I feel that it’s a bit sacrificial for Cherry to place herself in the middle of what could be a potentially deadly situation, as domestic abuse too often leads to, for a perfect stranger.

This level of involvement would not align with how much one might put on the line for someone they do not know at all. Cherry is now at risk of retaliation from Vicky’s abuser if he finds them, or Vicky allows him back into their lives and lets them know where her home is / they make up and he learns about Cherry’s involvement etc.

Their relationship prior to Cherry helping Vicky

The risk might feel worth it for someone you know, but it’s a lot to ask of a stranger. In the case of a “chance encounter becomes savior” situation, she also doesn’t know anything about Vicky and is letting a perfect stranger into her home. Of course, everyone is different and based on her personality and experiences may be willing to assume these risks. The child being involved might also influence that. Cherry might be one of those people, but it’s worth acknowledging as a big undertaking in the narrative. Her actions should not be brushed aside as nothing or just “her duty”. Too often servitude is just assigned as natural for Black women. Their own lives take a back seat and to take care of other people / ensure their well being comes first.

Suggestion: built a history between the women

A better fix might be to develop some level of a relationship between the two before Cherry risks so much to save them. They could even just be acquaintances. It helps if they know each other on some level, at the least. Even if it’s strangers that see each other often at the cafe and strike up small talk all the time but never speak outside of that, old high school classmates that ran in different groups, friends of friends. This creates some sort of relationship where Cherry feels she knows Vicky “enough” to assume the risks, especially as a child is involved.

Without knowing the exact circumstances, I’ll pose a few scenarios and explore the pitfalls.

If she witnesses the abuse

Witnessing the abuse and getting involved as she sees it happening - I wouldn’t fault her for that. I’d instinctively get involved too!

If something happens in the public eye, it would help if other bystanders get involved too; Cherry just happened to take it to another level and offered her sanctuary.

Again I’m still having a hard time figuring out why Cherry has been placed in this situation before proper authorities, women’s shelters, etc. if she doesn’t know her at all. As I’d suggested, it might be best if they had some sort of relationship prior, no matter how subtle.

The escape from the abuser

What role does Cherry play in the escape?

Physical strength / sacrifice

Is she expected to use brute force aka be “Strong” to physically save Vicky or fight off her abuser? I would avoid that, as you will have a Strong Black Woman on your hands.

Must Cherry put herself in direct danger with the abuser to save Vicky and the child?

It's asking a lot for Cherry to storm into the home, potentially get harmed or die for a stranger in a domestic abuse situation that she does not know a lot, if anything, about. For example, what if there’s deadly weapons in the house?

Could Cherry involve others to help?

Maybe Cherry could call authorities and possibly show up alongside them.

If authorities aren’t involved, perhaps she waits outside to drive the getaway car as the friend and child escapes (I’m 100% inspired by Enough with Jennifer Lopez). Even better, if she could bring along someone else, preferably non-Black, who could help in the situation.

Emotional strength

The Strong Black Woman is often about being forced into emotional labor.

Is Cherry allowed to react with fear, sadness and anxiety about the situation? Or must she keep it together for the sake of the White woman? Perhaps it’s triggering based on her past; she should be allowed to process that.

Allow Cherry to deal with her own wave of emotions. Even better if she has an outlet for that. She might not lay them on Vicky, but she also shouldn’t be expected to be a perfectly composed rock whose purpose is to comfort and support Vicky.

Vicky shouldn’t rely completely on Cherry for emotional support. She needs other sources to expel her own fears and emotions. Whether a therapist, parent, other friends, chat forums, journal, or a dog!

Mammy (dynamic between Cherry and the white woman and child)

Given the other factors in the story, I would stay away from Cherry being asked or offering to care for the child. Vicky should take primary care for her child or get help from others besides Cherry or other Black women, as this would give their dynamic mammy and servitude vibes.

Same applies to Cherry physically taking care of and serving Vicky - avoid it. Also, once Vicky is up for it or she has the means, they can split the chores or Vicky does the majority or contribute to housing expenses (again, if she has the means) but in some way she should pull her weight, so all the domestic care does not fall on Cherry.

It’s all about avoiding putting Cherry, the Black Woman, in the position as savior of white woman and child + servitude role any further than the implications the first incident creates. Initial comforting and support is fine, but the rest of the white woman and child’s world shouldn’t continue to rest on the Black woman’s shoulders.

Explore Cherry’s life outside of the white people

A very important aspect that will keep this away from SBW and Mammy tropes; give Cherry her own life. Cherry absolutely needs to have a plot line that does not revolve around Vicky and child. She needs to talk to other people, and about other subjects, besides those two. Her main problems, drama, and highlights of her life shouldn’t revolve around them.

Give her emotions, weakness, and vulnerabilities. She needs other friends and/or family, interests, and a little romance absolutely helps too. She is this amazing writer, so you’ve got something to work with right there! Ultimately, she needs her own life, things going on that have nothing to do with them.

Good luck with your story!

Colette

#Black women #BWWW #Friendships #power dynamics #mammy #Strong Black Woman #sacrificial negro #abuse #abuse tw #domestic violence #domestic violence tw #domestic abuse #domestic abuse tw #asks

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makeste · 3 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 302: As the Todoroki Turns

Previously on BnHA:

Today on BnHA: We have a very fun chapter in which (1) Shouto grows up lonely on account of his parents being worried that his siblings will literally try to kill him, (2) Natsu and Fuyu grow up neglected on account of not being special and/or self-destructive enough to attract attention, (3) we get to revisit all of that exciting spousal abuse from chapter 39, and (4) Touya burns to death right on cue, pretty much exactly like we expected it to happen. Thankfully since this is a shounen manga, Horikoshi finds some hope in all this misery as the Todoroki family rallies together, with Shouto getting his long-overdue credit for being a perfect sweet angel who put up with all of this shit for sixteen years and somehow came out of it strong and kind and empathetic and determined. Anyway, so that flashback was a barrel of laughs. But now that it’s over, we can put all of that angst behind us, and move on to... well I guess, probably, more angst. Look, we’re short on variety at the moment. Bear with it.

ouch. we knew this was coming, but still

A+ parenting move there. “ho boy, our eldest just tried to murder our youngest, now what? hmm how about we isolate our youngest from all human contact”

though in their defense, we probably shouldn’t have expected this rabidly strength-obsessed fire man and his wife who was groomed since childhood to obey her family’s whims to have any idea of how to raise stable, well-adjusted offspring

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS

this is a perfect example of Enji’s tragically self-revolving viewpoint right here. just because being a hero is your entire world doesn’t mean you can just excuse yourself from anything outside of that and act like it’s out of your control. “alas, all I care about is hero stuff and my son can’t be a hero, we are doomed to inhabit two different worlds” no you jackass, it’s called having more than one hobby?? figuring out how to spend some time with your son that doesn’t involve training?? the same exact thing you were telling him to do last week, while ignoring that you’ve never done that yourself in your life??

that said, yet again we have that complexity though because it’s obvious that Enji at least on some level is aware of his own flaws, even though he seems unwilling or unable to confront them. honestly, from what we’ve seen so far, Enji’s obsession with surpassing All Might might be more accurately called an addiction. he literally can’t let go of it even though he’s fully aware of how it’s slowly destroying his life. and so in the same way that a lifelong smoker or alcoholic might tell their child to stay away from cigarettes and booze, Enji tells Touya not to follow down the same path as him, even though he himself doesn’t know how to leave that path. so yes, it’s hypocritical as fuck, but there’s also an element of helplessness there as well because Enji literally doesn’t know how not to be like this

though all the same he sure could stand to put in more than just a token effort. but it is what it is, and we already know how much he’ll come to regret it

and meanwhile Baby Shouto has frozen his sleep bubble with his quirk lmao. so I guess his quirk did come in early. that’s a recipe for chaos right there

once again Shouto is ruining every single dramatic panel in this flashback

this was so dark and intense... and then I spotted the lil bubs in the corner. Horikoshi please control yourself

“some hero you are, running away” and then all of a sudden, “FIVE YEARS LATER” lol what. OKAY THEN

(ETA: love the confirmation that eight-year-old Natsu comes from the Iida school of puberty and is basically a fully grown man, and meanwhile Touya comes from the hobbit school of puberty and has been perpetually eight for the past five years.)

“HEY BIG BRO WANNA COME RECREATE AN ICONIC FLASHBACK SCENE WITH US. WE’VE GOT THE SOCCER BALL RIGHT HERE, BUT HURRY UP OR WE’LL BE TOO LATE FOR SHOUTO TO WALK ON BY AND STOP TO LOOK”

lol and that’s literally the next three panels. but Horikoshi did add this extra bit after Endeavor starts to drag Shouto away

seriously Enji what the hell did you expect was going to happen here. “Touya went nuts and tried to kill his little brother out of jealousy, so let’s make it clearer than ever that Shouto is the important child and all the other children are just rejects. this will definitely not make the problem 100x worse, and will surely lead to Touya giving up and living a happy life, having been emotionally abandoned by the person he admired more than anyone.” good for you pal you figured it all out. no need for that plan b, “we all just go to therapy”

anyway so he’s telling Shouto he can’t play because he needs more endurance training. and meanwhile Touya’s patented Todoroki Drama Genes are going through puberty as well

definitely the face of a happy, emotionally stable child who’s not still plotting to murder his younger brother in his sleep

“WELL ACTUALLY MAKESTE” lol I stand corrected??

apparently during the five year interim Touya actually stopped blaming Shouto and realized Enji was the one at fault. good for him! a bit inconsistent, given what we know happens later, but I assume we’ll get to that in good time

anyway. “yeah man I agree that dad sucks, but it’s the middle of the night and I’m only eight and you’ve been monologuing for the past two hours bro”

LMAO

the manga is making my jokes for me, only better. fine then

looks like someone’s still miffed about that disagreement he had with his baby sister back when she was like four

“Fuyu doesn’t get properly riled up like I want her to so ranting to her is annoying.” okay but having been in Fuyu’s shoes, it really is just a different way of coping, and I can guarantee she’s not as fine with the whole situation as Touya might think. but making your peace with something is often a decision that’s made for emotional self-preservation reasons. and I sure as hell don’t fault her for trying to shut out a situation that she had no control over, and trying to make the best of it, and scrape together as normal a childhood as she could manage

and now in Touya’s defense as well, that is of course easier said than done, and I’m sure if there was a “push this button and instantly get over all of the trauma in your life” switch readily available for Touya then he would have pushed it too. unfortunately it’s not always that simple

so now Rei is pleading with Touya not to go train up on his little emo hill again, but it doesn’t seem like much has changed since he was eight

I don’t think he gives two figs about being a hero; he just wants his father to look at him again with pride. fucking hell, stop doing this to me you damn Todorokis

guh, they keep telling him the same thing over and over again

even if we hadn’t already known he was gonna go melt his jawbone off soon, I wouldn’t have expected a line like that to go over well

yep. fuck

that Todoroki puberty angst, though. nothing else quite like it

“you have a part in this too, Mom” ooooooh man

okay but look, he’s not entirely wrong. like, I’m not saying any of this is Rei’s fault at all! she’s in an impossible situation where she’s afraid to stand up to Enji (who by this point has shown that he’s willing to physically attack her if things get too heated, which is terrifying), and doesn’t really have anywhere to turn for support. her parents aren’t helping much if at all, and Japan in general is just a terrible country to be in when you’re in a domestic abuse situation. everyone’s expected to put on a brave face and deal with their problems all on their own in private. Rei is basically completely isolated at this point, and she doesn’t know what else to do, and so she’s just trying to keep the situation as stable as possible for the kids

but on the other hand, “for the kids” is also where that argument starts to break down a bit, because at this point Shouto is also being physically abused by his father, and the other kids are continuing to be neglected (emotionally if not physically), as they have been for years. so the situation really isn’t stable at all for them. and as a kid, what you end up learning in that type of situation is that you can’t rely on either parent. not the abusive one, certainly, but also not the other one who can’t protect you from any of it. even if they love you and they’re trying, they’re just as helpless as you. Rei is struggling to deal with all of this with one hand tied behind her back, and I get it, and I’m not blaming her at all. but all the same, particularly given that she’s (understandably) putting almost all her focus on Shouto, the end result is that the other kids have basically been left to fend for themselves

so yeah! a shitty situation all around. and one of those cases where it’s not really anyone’s fault (aside from Enji’s), but I can understand the resentment Touya is feeling all the same. and I’m so glad Horikoshi is acknowledging this, because it’s something I probably would have been too uncomfortable to bring up otherwise. as it is it’s still an incredibly heavy subject, and one that I probably have too many personal feelings about

anyway, so once again the whole “we’ll try talking to him and then just shrug our shoulders when it doesn’t work” parenting strategy doesn’t really pan out for the Todoroki fam

sob this boy is Anakin Skywalkering before our very eyes. all that’s missing is AFO to come and start whispering in his ear. any minute now...

“anyway so then he got taller and his fire changed from red to blue”

guess we’re getting pretty close then huh. this is the part of the flashback that I really don’t want to see, but also unfortunately the part that I’m most curious about :/

oh for fuck’s --

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IGNORING HIM FOR FIVE YEARS DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM” sob. back to the drawing board I guess

I thought he got taller, why is he still only like a third of Enji’s height here

oh fuck me these are armor-piercing feels. this is the heavy artillery right here

ENJI I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP AND THINK FOR ONE MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE DOING SOMETHING YOU’LL REGRET FOR THE REST OF ALL TIME. your child just told you that he still thinks beating All Might is the only thing you care about, and that he believes his existence is a mistake unless he finds some way of doing that for you. please stop for a moment to contemplate that and choose your next words with care and grace and oh who the hell am I kidding

-- OR WE COULD JUST BLAME REI

go on and blame everyone but yourself then!! that’s a great solution!! jesus christ man I know this is Endeavor at his literal worst but still this is fucking hard to watch

POOR BABY SHOUTO IS YELLING AT HIS DAD NOT TO HIT HIS MOMMY THIS LITTLE BRAVE BOY NEEDS SO MANY HUGS OH MY GOD

AND MEANWHILE THE OTHERS ARE HUDDLED IN THE NEXT ROOM TRYING NOT TO CRY AH FUCK

(ETA: Fuyu covering Natsu’s ears cuts RIGHT TO THE CORE OF ME. Horikoshi if you’re really not gonna get these kids some therapy then at least consider giving your readers some. what is this.)

you know it’s bad when you’re starting to think the part where the kid burns to death might actually be a less traumatic thing to cut to right now

holy shit, actual Rei thoughts

“I was the one who ultimately made that choice” well there we go, wonder if that’ll put that whole argument to bed at last. I doubt it, but you never know. actually who am I kidding it’s not gonna settle jack shit lol

oh thank god, they decided it was getting too intense and cut away back to the present to narrate this next (final?) part

get ready to cue up that Alicia Keys. THIS BOY IS ON FIREEEEEEE

yeah I think that’s one thing we can mostly all agree on. neither of them had any clue what the fuck they were doing pretty much at any point. though I will say that the hypocrisy of him being all “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM” followed by him IMMEDIATELY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING is a bit rich

(ETA: and he still has this problem, doesn’t he? he froze up when Ending snatched Natsuo, and again when Dabi was attacking Shouto. he’s so afraid of doing the wrong thing that he ends up not doing anything, which of course is exactly what led to Touya’s death. damn Enji I guess you’ve still got some additional character development to unlock.)

and of course neither of them could possibly have known how badly it was going to turn out. like, the consequences here were WAY disproportionate even for the shittiest of parenting. no one expects “I didn’t know how to talk to my son” to snowball into “my son burned to death and then somehow came back as a villain and murdered thirty people”

ohhhhhhhh fuck me

LITERALLY INCINERATED THE ENTIRE HILLSIDE. fuck. and I am so not ready for the scene of Enji finding the remains of his jawbone afterwards. at least we were spared anything super-graphic (for now at least)

I feel like the timeline here is off, btw?? wasn’t Touya’s death supposed to happen after Rei got hospitalized? this might be the first actual retcon of the entire flashback. although I think it makes more sense this way tbh

I do appreciate that ten years later Enji is finally reflecting on the fact that if he’d just given up his stupid obsession he could have stopped his family from crumbling apart. that probably sounds sarcastic as fuck, but it’s not. there are countless jerks out there who would have still managed to find a way to blame literally everyone and everything under the sun except for themselves. at least he finally figured out how to take responsibility, even if it came too late to stop his son from dying and being radicalized into a villain terrorist organization

and speaking of, it seems to me we’re missing a third and final part to this little tale of woe, and one which only Touya himself will be able to shed any light on. so we’ll see how that goes

oh man seeing the other kids blaming themselves even though none of it was their fault hits hard af. Rei wasn’t kidding when she said they’d been bearing that burden of guilt far longer than Enji

SHOUTO I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE NEXT PANEL IS YOU APOLOGIZING FOR BEING BORN, I WILL... WELL I’LL BE VERY SAD, I GUESS. SO DON’T DO IT

oh good he’s just being quiet. good. it absolutely is not your fault lil bean. it’s not theirs either, but feeling guilty about things that aren’t your fault is a time-honored shounen tradition

goddammit I braced myself for the angsty Shouto panel a page too early. gotta do it all over again now lol. okay here goes

;_;

well well well would you look at that

imagine that. talking things out with your child before they make a rash decision. looks like the Todorokis’ parenting skills are finally leveling up

OH MY GOD

holy shit. this is the most quintessential moment of father/son Todoroki bonding in the entire series. for me it even tops the “nice scar” scene lol. Enji sobbing at the fact that he still has a chance to set things right. and Shouto offering his hand in what is actually the most mature and selfless gesture I’ve ever seen, and being all “we’ll stop him together” to his dad who he hates, but also doesn’t really entirely hate anymore. and all of that is incredibly moving... BUT ALSO HE STILL REFUSES TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM AND HE WOULD LIKE HIM TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ALREADY IF YOU DON’T MIND. “WHEN YOU’RE DONE CRYING...” fkjldsk

OH MY FUCKING LORD

(ETA: wouldn’t be a Todoroki drama fest if there wasn’t somebody listening in on the whole thing in secret just around the corner lmao.)

“you think we should have waited somewhere else?” “yeah, probably.” “are you feeling a lot of secondhand embarrassment too?” “god, you have no idea.” STFU HAWKS IT’S NOT EMBARASSING TO BE MOVED TO TEARS BY YOUR FAMILY ALL COMING TOGETHER IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR TO GIVE YOU HOPE THAT YOU PROBABLY DON’T DESERVE BUT ARE NONETHELESS INDESCRIBABLY GRATEFUL FOR

and anyway you chose these guys as your found family, bucko. too late to back out now. next time go get yourself adopted by the Iidas then

AND MEANWHILE NO WORD ON THE WHOLE “HOW DID A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD SURVIVE A FIRE THAT COVERED HIS BODY WITH HORRIFIC SCARS AND MELTED HIS JAW OFF, AND HOW DID HE SOMEHOW THEN MANAGE TO GO INTO HIDING FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS, AND WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT INTERIM TO CHANGE HIS GOAL FROM ‘SURPASS ALL MIGHT TO IMPRESS MY DAD’ TO ‘KILL ALL HEROES TO MAKE MY DAD SUFFER’.” as if we don’t know the answer to that. but still, would it kill Horikoshi to just confirm AFO’s involvement in all of this already. at this point it’s basically just a formality

so here’s hoping next week we’ll either get that, or more Hawks action, or (DARE I EVEN SUGGEST, I’M AFRAID TO JINX IT) finally cut back to Bakugou and Deku and All Might omg. either way I’m hyped

#bnha 302 #todoroki touya #dabi #todoroki enji #endeavor #todoroki rei #todoroki shouto #todoroki natsuo #todoroki fuyumi #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #my sincerest apologies for this absurdly long recap which is barely funny at all!#THERE WAS VERY LITTLE HUMOROUS CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER #congratulations horikoshi you win this round

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helly-watermelonsmellinfellon · 2 years

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Not sure if you've said or not, but why are you guys still sticking with your step-dad. It's just, he seems like a problem and a bit of an ass.

Sorry if that's impolite.

It's a co-dependence situation.

They had a kid together.

Bethy needs a father figure, I guess. And he actually wants to be there for her and doesn't pull this shit my sperm donor did to me at least.

He relies on mom for help in dealing with doctor appointments or shopping or handling money because he chose to drop out of school in 8th grade and never thought reading and math were important.

Mom's disabled and needs extra help. After I graduated I was around more often to fill in the gap.

He was the reason we were finally able to get a car. Before him we had to rely upon my grandfather to take my mom shopping once a month.

He's physically stronger than me and is necessary when it comes to heavy-lifting and upkeep. I wouldn't have been able to move half of the house stuff on my own during all this moving BS. We have no one we can ask for help and hiring movers is so damn expensive and is a luxury we don't possess access to.

When he's not injured, he is willing to do any kind of job he can find and is obsessed with working and making money. This is him when he's unable to work and keep himself busy.

He's still a much person better than my sperm donor. A lot of my grievances are petty annoyances due to our situation and being in close quarters with 3 other people against my will. Not having to be exposed to all single one of a person's faults 24/7 makes them much more palatable as an individual.

Mom's disability doesn't bring in enough money. When he had a regular job, their combined incomes made life livable at least. He also wasn't on the lease which saved money.(0_o)

His son views mom as his mother and the grandmother of his child.

Some relationships aren't healthy. Not physically abusive but certainly not without drama and emotional manipulation. And unfortunately, poor people, when they get together, have to rely on each other to get by. He was a single father who was poor, she was a single mother who was poor. It was easier to combine resources than to stay separated wasting money on two different forms of rent, plus he had to actually pay for utilities as well.

Also, they'd never be able to get married. I'm not sure about outside the US, but there's a tax on marriage here, and disabled people who are married, lose their benefits because their spouse is expected to pay for them for the rest of their life. That's the only reason they never got married. After a decade, mom finally lost the fuzzy feelings, but they rely upon each other for specific help that they can't reasonably separate now. Doing so would cause more problems than anything.

#the life of poverty #you know the 1st world kind of poverty

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furiousgoldfish · 3 years

Text

If you:

Feel like you need to be always attentive, responsive, nurturing, supportive and comforting to other people, otherwise your existence has no point and you're worthless

Don't feel important enough for other people to care about, feel guilty and ashamed for having problems and struggling

Feel empty inside and lowkey don't want to live but it makes you feel ungrateful and selfish to ever mention it

Try to make people as good as possible about themselves, always find good things to say about them, regardless of how they're acting

Feel terror at the thought of saying no, ignoring someone when you're busy, or acting unenthusiastic about giving someone attention

Can't feel like you're a person, feel like everyone around you is people but you are only pretending, and you're scared of being caught

Don't rely on anyone and feel like you have to sort out all of your problems on your own

Feel like you owe people to be honest and vulnerable and to give them every possible way to criticize you and judge you, or else you're hiding something and being a hypocrite

Or alternatively, terrified of telling anyone anything and feeling as if anyone knew the real you, they would despise you

Have to act tough but you often feel broken and overwhelmed inside, and you're ashamed of secretly being weak and breakable

Feel like you have to constantly please, entertain, be helpful, useful, convenient, in a positive mood and ready to admire others, or it's reasonable for people to hate you

Feel like if you accidentally displease or offend somebody, it's reasonable for them to retaliate 100 times worse and hurt you, and it's your fault and they're right to punish you

Don't feel like you're worth anything more than to be used by others

Then it's possible you've been raised as a food for narcissists. These are the signs of severe childhood neglect, abuse, and trauma conditioning to force you to act as a source of endless attention, support, comfort and admiration, while receiving zero nurturing, attention or caretaking yourself. It's likely you've been severely and unfairly overpunished for showing any human needs, signs of pain or struggle, or for wanting any attention, until it was very deeply established in your mind that it's shameful and wrong for you to have human needs. It was wrong and despicable to do this to you. Narcissistic parents do this to children because they view them merely as a resource of narcissistic supply and not people whose feelings exist, or lives are as important as theirs. You did not deserve to grow up this way. Nobody should ever have punished you for being a normal child. You are human, too.

#narcissistic parents #narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #neglect #symptoms of abuse #abuse symptoms #narcissistic abuse aftermath #abusive parents #toxic parents #dehumanizing children #low self worth #parentification #trauma #trauma symptoms #long term abuse

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personuhh · 3 years

Note

okay so awhile ago you posted something about Yosuke (crazy, right?) and in the tags I believe you mentioned something about how you don’t like Yosukes parents? Could you elaborate? bc I have not stopped thinking about it since you mentioned it (sorry this is so vague my memory is horrid skjdjfjgj)

OYSUEJGHHBKEJHDSGVDH oh my god okay SO. At first I just got ~vibes~ from him... like, I couldn’t quite pin down what made me think he had abusive parents, because obviously he never says anything to indicate it explicitly, but then I started noticing... small things.

I don’t want to say outright that I think they’re abusive (physically or verbally) and I also don’t think that Yosuke hates them, or necessarily even sees anything wrong with how they treat him, but I do think that their behavior has severely impacted Yosuke and led to a lot of the negative traits he displays.

To me, the most telling example is this conversation where he talks about Teddie being praised by his parents for being “thoughtful” very pointedly in front of him. It seems to be a reoccurring thing where they compare him to other people (primarily Teddie) and make him feel inferior. Yosuke’s a bit of a pushover, and frequently gets taken advantage of monetarily, and in this case he’s caved and lent Teddie a significant chunk of his savings for their trip to Tatsumi Port Island... only for him to spend it on presents to suck up to Yosuke’s parents which makes Yosuke look unthoughtful. Yosuke clearly sees it that way, even if Teddie hadn’t intentionally planned it out from the start as such (he calls Teddie “surprisingly shrewd”).

Yosuke gets told off either because a) he didn’t want to fight back/argue, and instead just took a passive stance instead of telling his parents that he was the one to lend Teddie the money in the first place, and thus didn’t have any left to buy them gifts, or b) his parents think so little of him that they don’t believe him at all. He specifically says he doubts his parents understand, which makes me think that he did try to explain the situation.

There are also several instances of a large Junes event being Yosuke’s responsibility, or at least of him thinking that he has to scramble to make things work, like the Junes concert, where he says he’ll have to move away if it doesn’t pan out; maybe this is his own thinking, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it was something his dad said to scare him into helping, especially considering he MUST know that Yosuke is friends with Rise, or the time during the summer where he calls Yu and begs him to help out. Yosuke isn’t a manager, but he’s still got all the responsibilities of one, and even tries his best to work out other employees’ problems as well (look at his SL).

The Junes concert in particular really sent up some red flags for me, especially because Yosuke says this.

“Awfully nice for some reason”?

Yosuke’s got terrible self-esteem, there are countless times where he’s shown to be overwhelmed and embarrassed by completely genuine praise from his friends. In one of the drama CDs he mentions that he intentionally doesn’t try his best in school because he doesn’t want to disappoint himself by doing poorly while also knowing that he gave his all. It really makes me think that his parents just have an abysmally low opinion of him, and he’s adopted that same view of himself.

There’s also several scenes where he talks about his parents finding his porn (or Teddie showing it to them) and in his SL he says his mom “read the title out loud to [his] family” which on top of obviously indicating his family is pretty conservative about that kind of thing, also means he’s had to learn to be secretive with them to some extent. In Arena, Yosuke’s mother goes as far as burning the porn Teddie finds. Even if it's meant to be humorous, Yosuke's property is still being destroyed.

Now these next few things are more... abstract and can definitely be argued, but personally I still find them important to point out when discussing the topic.

Yosuke obviously struggles with toxic masculinity, and similarly to Kanji, feels like he needs to be the ideal, strong man that protects the weak, etc. Even without looking at specific dialogue, you can tell that Yosuke’s been raised to think he needs to be a “real” man, that displaying more “feminine” behaviors is a sign of weakness; because that isn’t just subtextual, it’s something he very visibly displays, it’s part of his arc. He can’t mourn and cry, he has to get revenge (because he couldn’t protect Saki at the time and he watched helplessly as she died, it makes it his fault), he says hugs are for girls (a common sentiment, but he had to learn it from somewhere), and any time he slips up and reveals his actual feelings, he has to overcompensate, let everyone know that he’s just your average teenage boy who’s definitely interested in women. Yosuke’s not the most masculine guy, he likes fashion and cares about his appearance (the bar is so low) and I’d bet that if he were given space to explore his interests without any expectations, he might actually find he’s into stuff that goes against what he’s been taught. He admits to liking crossdressing, then walks it back; not because he’s ashamed of it (on the contrary, once he realizes people found him cute, he openly brags about it), but because he thinks he SHOULD be ashamed of it.

It’s why he feels so threatened by Kanji, who completely takes him by surprise when he realizes his outer appearance and interests don’t match up. Now Yosuke’s got to compete with Kanji over who’s the manliest, show that he’s not like Kanji, because Kanji’s already accepted that side of himself, and it totally goes against everything Yosuke’s been taught to think is “normal”.

So then we look at lines like this.

On its own it’s nothing special, but it’s not just the slogan itself, it’s the way that Yosuke specifically says that his dad is still saying it. Combining this with what I mentioned previously about Yosuke’s behavior, and a few other tidbits, like Teddie mentioning that he watches violent war movies with Yosuke’s dad, it definitely makes me think he’s the type of guy who’d try and push Yosuke into being more masculine, being a traditional, unshakable, unemotional man.

Lastly, there’s the recently identified album on Yosuke’s shelf in arena, and what do you know, one of the songs on it (The Chain, by Mr. Big) has these lyrics...

In my mind, I see Yosuke’s mother as an incredibly controlling, strict woman who expects her son to be utterly perfect, and even when he’s good, it’s never good enough. Yosuke’s father is busy with Junes, and while he isn’t around the house too often, Yosuke sees him at work quite a bit, large and in-charge, not allowing anyone to see weakness, he leans on his son because he can’t bring himself to ask for help. Yosuke’s left to pick up the slack, and he’s taught by example that relying on others is cowardly, that being intimidating gets you further than being “nice”. Even though Yosuke obviously goes against this, he can't fully commit for fear of standing out and disappointing his parents, and that makes him passive; he ends up being a pushover, and neither of his parents are happy about that. He’s a “disappointment” to them, it’s one of his defining traits that everyone loves to bring up. It's something that's shown to really get under his skin, but he can never do much more than get angry, because he truly thinks he is a disappointment, he doesn't think highly of himself, even if he protests.

Maybe I’m reading into all of these things a little too much, but... I don’t know, I’ve said it before, but I just don’t see how half of Yosuke’s personality would have been shaped by anything other than his parents being Not Great.

#ada's writing #yosuke's parents #yosuke hanamura #yosuke appreciation #WHEW. THIS WAS A LONG ONE.#i literally spent like 3 hours on this and i still couldn't find most of the examples i wanted to lol #mentions of abuse #mentions of neglect #official-redhood #ask ada #ada's analysis #yosuke meta

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theinariakuma · 4 years

Text

First One to Know

Rated: SFW (Rated T for language, mentions of mensural cycle, and Pregnancy symptoms)

Obey Me!

Polyship! Female MC

Includes: Datables, Diavolo, and Simeon

This is based off the idea of how Female MC would tell each boy she was pregnant. They’re all the ”first to know” concept.

For precaution. All under the cut.

Lucifer:

She sat in the bath, huffing a bit before she sank her chin under the water. How does one tell Lucifer they're pregnant.

Lucifer was this... All powerful, all important person. While, yes, she could just tell him. It felt like she needed to do something else.

She had plans for everyone but him and Belphegor. They were the two more difficult brothers.

Part of her wanted to bring Diavolo into the planning to tell him, but she knew it would likely end up as a few things. A party, a big thing... And she didn't want anyone but Lucifer to know first.

"One of your daddies is going to drive me crazy." She spoke in a quiet time, fingers brushing over her stomach, it was far too early for anything beyond knowing there was a baby, but talking to them comforted her. "He's impossible to surprise."

With her luck, he'd know before her anyways.

So, she kept planning. Each idea fell flat in her mind. She'd been more focused on how to surprise Lucifer that she only half paid attention at RAD.

"Long day?" Lucifer often walked her home, just like cooking was Beel's time and Naps were Belphie's. The walk home belonged to Lucifer. He'd made a claim to it early in the start of the relationship.

"Mm something like that." She moved her arms around his neck, giving him a slow, happy kiss.

His hands drifted to her hips, gently holding her as he returned the kiss. The affection she showered him and his brothers with often caused them to relax. Years of pent up tension lovingly eased away by her.

It wasn't until half way home she noticed how his hand would occasionally drift up to her belly. She'd found herself unconsciously doing the same since she found out.

"You know!" She turned to look at him. Eyes narrowed as she pointed in his face.

The smirk on his face and the light joy in his gaze said everything.

"You knew! And I was going crazy trying to think of how to tell you!" She glared at him, but Lucifer just laughed.

"You didn't hide the test as well as you thought. Asmo saw the box."

Her cheeks went red and she began walking faster. Despite her annoyance, hearing his laughter made her smile. He was happy about the news.

Mammon:

She sat on the edge of her bed, fingers pulling and smoothing her skirt down.

"Alright, what's on ya mind? You keep doing that..." His hands began moving in a ringing motion, the way she was abusing the fabric of her skirt.

"I'm trying to think of how to tell you. You're... Well. I wanted you to know first. You were my first man after all..." The soft memory made a smile appear on her face.

Mammon quickly shut up as his cheeks began glowing red at the words. "Y-You bet your ass I am..." He muttered, eyes looking away.

"I... Well." She bit into her lower lip. "I'm pregnant."

Out of everything Mammon expected, that was the last thing he could have thought of. It did make sense. She was being shared by seven powerful demons. It wasn't too surprising that her birth control failed...

Mammon was hesitant, his fingers as gentle as possible, cupping her cheeks. "Say that again..." He was terrified. He was greedy and selfish, but oh how he wanted this. Wanted to be a dad, even if he didn't feel like he deserved to be one.

"I'm pregnant... You and the others are gonna be dads... And you're the first to kno--oh!" Mammon kissed her deeply, his fingers cradling her face as he cut her off, kissing her slowly, deeply. She couldn't see them yet, but the man was crying, he was so happy. She made him so happy and made him feel so loved.

Leviathan:

Fingers stroked the back of the girl laying against him. Her face tucked into his neck as she quietly dozed off. She'd lost interest in the anime about two episodes ago. Not that Levi blamed her, it was boring, but he was always one to finish a series... Well at least the season, no matter how dull or trash it was.

It was nice just being able to hold her.

His attention kept drifting to her, the woman was half curled up in his lap, her arms loosely wrapped around him, her breathing soft against his neck.

"Oi, Levi. You got more shit from Akuzon." Mammon didn't even bother knocking as he brought in the package.

"I didn't order anything." Levi's brow furrowed as he held his hand out. Mammon almost scoffed, but he wouldn't make him move. The dozing girl against him looked so peaceful.

"What is it then?" Mammon, being the jealousy boy he was, did not leave, much to Levi's annoyance. Today was his day with her.

Levi began opening the box, only to pause at the items. A box that held a smaller version of his game controller, some other miniatures, and a plastic sealed shirt. The invoice settled in the package told him that it indeed was not his order, but the girl in his arms.

"Why do you need a tiny controller?" Mammon asked, confused as he saw Levi looking at the box. There were more miniature size items inside the box that only furthered his confusion.

The soft giggles against his neck made Levi arch a brow. "I see you're awake. Want to explain?"

"Look at the shirt." She smiled and nuzzled into him after waving to Mammon.

Pulling up the white shirt wrapped in plastic, he saw the logo clear as day.

Black clouded his vision, the last thing he remembered was hearing the two cry out at him.

"Oh my god, Levi!"

"The fuck, man!"

The woman held her hands over her mouth, not expecting that reaction.

"He fainted." Her voice turned to soft giggles, "Only you Levi." She moved to gently lift his head, pulling him to lean into her, stroking his hair. Her poor nervous Otaku couldn’t handle the news.

Mammon got a glimpse at the shirt before shaking his head. "Course Levi would pass out over news like this." Part of him was both annoyed and amused. “I’m gonna tell everyone.” The grin appeared on his face as he snapped a picture to send to the group chat.

"Yeah. He would. He's so nervous like that." She chuckled, watching Mammon hold up the "Baby download in progress" shirt she bought to send a picture to it to the rest of the guys.

"I'm glad. Ya know, to be here. Even though ya probably meant to do it alone with him." Her cheek leaned into Mammon's touch, the Avatar of Greed moved to stroke her cheek as he crouched down next to her, staying with her as she stroked Levi's hair, waiting on him to wake up from his unconscious state.

Satan:

Satan felt his temple pulse as he was growing steadily more annoyed and angry.

Three times today alone she's avoided him. He was growing to detest sharing her with his siblings if this was how she was going to act.

He loved the woman, she was his kitten, sweet and loving. Yet the past week or so she'd been acting off. That off act had soon turned to her avoiding him and he wanted to fucking know why.

His eyes narrowed a bit as he glimpsed her and Lucifer talking.

Somehow, some way. This was Lucifer's fault.

He'd rather blame Lucifer then believe that she was willingly avoiding him. So he waited until she left off to who knows where again to go to Lucifer's study.

"What did you say to her that is making her avoid me?" The dark aura coming off the blond was dense, his wrath was dense and when Lucifer looked up from his desk he was surprised that the blond wasn't in his demon form with that much anger.

"I haven't said anything, Satan." His eyes narrowed. Their little human and he had been working on a contract for her to allow her to stay as a contracted ambassador for Diavolo for the Human world... So she could stay.

The past week she'd been insistent about getting this done as soon as possible.

"You're lying!" That was all it took before his tail whipped out, lashing at the desk separating them once his demon form came out. Breathing heavy as the desk and all of its paperwork went everywhere.

"She won't even look at me! She avoids me! And you're the only one who would tell her anything!"

The crash had startled her, she'd gone to grab some tea for her and Lucifer.

A while ago she'd noticed she'd missed her period. For her it wasn't too unusual for it to be a little late, however when one week turned to three. She began worrying.

Earlier in the week, she'd taken a pregnancy test and well... It came back positive. All of them did, actually.

Anxiety had filled her to the point she started avoiding Satan because he could read her like an open book... And well, she was scared. What if he wasn't happy? What if the others weren't happy?

She wanted Satan to be the first to know out of the brothers. He'd quickly become someone she could always rely on and he was almost as patient as Asmo and Mammon with her--despite their quirks.

However, her stress began raising as she realized she was two months off from the end of the exchange program. She wanted everything to be settled for her to stay... She didn't want to stress any of them out more than what the first bit of news would do.

The last thing she wanted was someone yelling at Diavolo And putting Lucifer in a bad place stuck between her, his brothers, and his loyalty to Diavolo.

"Satan, stop!" She saw him pinning Lucifer up to the bookshelf, hissing low as his tail whipped around.

She didn't dare go further in. Satan would never intentionally harm her, but she didn't want to risk it accidentally.

"Why should I?" Blonde hair and vivid green eyes turned to her, pain and fury in his gaze. "Since you'd rather abandon me for him anyways! You've done nothing but avoid me! Something is wrong with you and you refuse to tell me!"

"Satan, you need to calm--"

"Oh, shut up, Lucifer!" His anger diverted back towards his elder brother. Surprisingly, Lucifer was not fighting back against his assault.

"Because I'm pregnant!"

Both demons were looking at her now, Satan's hands slipping from where they were once clenched in Lucifer's shirt.

"What?" The breathless tone. Neither demon suddenly knowing what to do.

"I found out earlier this week. I wasn't avoiding you because I was upset at you. I was avoiding you because I was scared because I knew you'd ask what's wrong. I knew I never could... Never would want to lie to you or the others... I needed to figure things out."

"That's why you've been so insistent about getting this contract done quickly." Lucifer's voice was just as awed and breathless.

All seven of the brothers shared her. And a baby... Her getting pregnant was really the last thing any of them thought of.

"I was going to finish this... Then tell you."

Satan's demon form almost melted away, hesitating as he went to her, fingers moving to cradle her face. "Tell me?"

"I was going to tell you first... Then the others... But I needed to be sure I could stay first. That... Diavolo wouldn't have to send me home. That you guys wouldn't put Lucifer in a bad spot... That he wouldn't be stuck in a bad spot, between his duty to Diavolo and me and you guys..." Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"You silly, amazing, foolish, stubborn human." His forehead pressed to hers, his shoulders beginning to tremble as a sob left him.

Satan hadn't expected that. He didn't expect her to try and take on so much to give him such peace of mine.

Lucifer didn't approach yet, he'd talk to her...let his own emotions out later. Right now, this was between her and Satan.

"I'm going to be a dad."

"You all are." She closed her eyes. "You all are fathers. And the first time I hear any of you arguing over who's the blood father of the baby, I'm going to be mad."

Arms pulled her close, awe was still flooding him, unsure of what to say or what to do... Just knowing that he loved her so much.

"I'm sorry, Lucifer." His voice was low and it was only then that he approached the two.

"It's alright, Satan. I understand why... Our little human tends to drive us all a bit crazy and quick to act without thinking." Lucifer moved to press a kiss to her knuckles, not pulling either out of their embrace. "You need your rest now. You can tell the others later, but right now, you need your rest. When I sort out..." Lucifer sighed as he looked to the destroyed desk, "That. I'll bring the paperwork to you and I'll contact Diavolo. We're not letting you leave.. I refuse to let you go as much as Satan and the others will."

Satan began gently ushering her out the door, energy zapped after such a cold splash of reality diffusing his anger. They'd both get some rest... He wasn't going to let her leave his arms for a while.

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus was nothing if not perceptive. While he did not always show it, he did make sure to always pay attention. So when his little darling was a bit easier to excite than usual, he noticed.

Eyes softened as he saw her. Out of all the brothers, Asmo was the softest with her. He liked the soft touches, forehead kisses and hair stroking, things that were intimate but not so much sexual.

He loved sex, he would never deny that, but him offing intimate affection outside of sex was both something he did for just anyone.

"What's in the bag? Did you go shopping without me?" Lips moved into a pout at his darling as she just laughed and gave him a soft kiss.

"I promise you'll like this gift and be less annoyed and pouty after you see it."

"I don't like when you shop without me." He huffed a bit, pulling her into the bed with him. She just laughed and snuggled back against him, letting him fuss with the sealed gift bag for a moment.

Despite his general nature of liking to surprise people, Asmodeus hated surprises.

Yet, when he tugged the tissue out of the bag and pulled out what he thought was a T shirt, his heart stopped.

A soft pink onesie. It was tiny, made for a newborn sized infant. On it was careful handwriting stating, 'Of course I'm cute, look at my Daddy.'

"You..." Words, for once, escaped him.

A squeak left the woman as she found herself pinned under the Avatar of Lust, kisses peppering all over her face.

"You beautiful, amazing woman... I can't.." he was choked up, unable to form proper sentences as he pressed soft kisses over every inch of her face, the final one ending at her lips, drawing her into a slow, lingering kiss.

He never knew such happiness before.

Beelzebub:

Beelzebub loved cooking for his little human. His two greatest joys next to spending time with his brothers. It was a routine between them. On their days to cooks, they spent time together. He may have had to share her, but he would claim these moments happily and selfishly.

However, recently he noticed how her face would go pale and she'd rush off. The smell of his cooking bad been making her sick.

"I'm okay, I promise." Her words were soft, but he knew she wasn't feeling the best after getting sick.

When it became a consistent issue, he began truly worrying. Not only was his sweet human sick but his cooking caused it. Had his his cooking gotten as bad as Solomon's?

"Are you sick? Do I need to get a doctor? Let me get Lucifer!"

"Beel, baby. I'm okay."

"You can't keep food down... Is my cooking bad?"

"Oh Beel, baby... No." Her hands reached up to touch his cheeks, he leaned down so she could touch him easier. "This isn't your fault. I suspected it, but I didn't know until this morning."

His eyes were lit up with confusion. Didn’t know what?

"I'm having a baby, Beel. You guys are going to be dads."

The awe on his face before he swept her up into his arms, laughing and nuzzling into her Affectionately making her laugh. He was both relieved and excited.

Belphegor:

Belphegor was currently snuggled up to his precious human. Despite being probably the laziest of the brothers, he was also one of the smartest. It was why he got along with Satan so much and why he also clashed with Lucifer... Well that and several reasons.

He'd noticed it very quickly, probably before she did. She was usually full of life and energy. However the past couple of weeks she'd been exhausted, not quite to his level of sleep, but enough that people were worried.

However, pressed into her for their naps, he noticed several things, her temperature was not up, so no fever. And areas of her body were more sensitive.

"Come on. It's dinner time." He nudged her after Beel texted him. "We can come back upstairs after eating. I know you're tired."

She almost whined in protest, "I'm not really hungry. My stomach has been pretty upset when I eat." She thought maybe it was just her period about to start.

Belphie sat up and gazed at her, "Are you pregnant?"

Her lips parted before shutting again. A thoughtful look on her face. "What day is it today?"

Arching a brow, "The tenth."

He watched her face for a few more moments before looking at him, "I... Maybe?" She hesitated. She hadn't even thought about it. "I am late this month. I thought maybe it was stress? It wouldn’t have been the first time I was late because I was stressed out."

Belphie sighed and drew her up into his arms, causing her to snuggle into him more.

"Can we... Go after dinner to pick up a test? I don't wanna say anything to the others until we're sure." She snuggled against him, her mind warming with exhaustion again. She just wanted to stay here and go back to sleep.

"Yeah, of course." He dropped a kiss to her brow. "Any idea who the father would be?"

The question earned a smack to his chest.

"What?" He saw her annoyed glare.

"All of you. And if you ask that again, I'm going to yank your tail next time." Despite her annoyance, it made him smile to see her so protective of everyone, calling them all the fathers.

"Alright. You're right." He sighed and moved to get up, pulling her along. "Food then the run to the shop.... If it is, can we tell Lucifer last?"

She rolled her eyes, taking the lead as she tugged him by his hand.

Later that evening, when the three little tests all came back positive, she just gave Belphegor a look. "How the fuck--"

"You're exhausted, constantly. And sensitive. But you're not squirming like when you’re on your period,” She was almost always uncomfortable, and always wanted to munch on something. Not that he or Beel minded, “or running a fever.... And you haven't been really wanting to eat."

"I can't tell who's more observant, you or Lucifer at this point." Lucifer magically knew what they were doing so often she'd tease him about spying, yet it seemed Belphie was just as observant if not more so.

"It's kinda funny. You knew before even I noticed." She laughed a bit, earning a smile from him.

Diavolo:

Diavolo was a special sort of person, and to say she was surprised he was willing to share her, was massively down playing it.

The Prince had truly been a man with a golden heart and a fist of steel if pushed enough.

"Barbados did mention I had a little bird in my office." His laugh was low, the large man moving to look at the girl who was currently leaning against his desk. "Lucifer was nearly panicking when someone mentioned you weren't home."

She blinked in surprise before pulling out her D.D.D. "Woops. I forgot to turn the sound back on." She was gonna get a lecture about that later, she just knew it.

"Now, Princess, why are you waiting on me and not letting Lucifer know?" A large hand stroked her cheek, causing her to lean into his touch.

"Cause he'd ask why and I wanted you to know first?" Bright, soft eyes gazing up at him as her hands moved to gently hold his hand. After a moment she moved his hand from her face to her abdomen.

There was a moment, a pause before it clicked. Golden eyes seemed to grow brighter. "Are you sure?"

The way her smile grew only caused a massive one to spread across his face. Politics be damned, he was too happy about this.

He moved to pull the smaller woman into his arms, holding her close.

Simeon:

Being an Angel meant a few things, even if Simeon knew he was on a path of damnation like Lucifer and his siblings had.

He loved the woman currently snuggled in his bed, his fingers ran through her hair as his gaze softened.

A new life was blossoming.

A new life that belonged to them. He didn't care about the lineage, it was still his child within her, whether he sired them or not.

Fingers carefully caressed along her body, the touch was intimate and soft, just admiring her. Tonight she was with him in Purgatory Hall before she'd go back to the House of Lamentation.

"Mmm... Morning, Simeon." Her voice was groggy and soft. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Very well, my feather." He whispered as he leaned down. "I love you." He nuzzled into her soft hair, earning a soft, happy noise.

"You're so lovey this morning. Did I miss something?" She ran her fingers through his hair.

"You're pregnant, love." His words were soft in her ear and just the honesty of it stole her breath. "It's a very new life, but I noticed this morning."

Fear flooded her first but then joy did. Because even if she was scared, even if she was nervous, she had Simeon and the others. "Are you happy? I”m a little scared... but happy."

"I am happy. Because this is ours... Yours, mine, and the others. And have no doubts they'll be as excited as I am. Even if they are a bit scared."

Simeon was as terrified as she was, he was an Angel that broke all the rules, teetering the edge of falling from grace. Lucifer was one that had already fallen and was now a demon... A powerful one.

But he knew, no matter their fears, hers or theirs, they'd love her and their child. No matter what. And nothing would ever harm them.

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pandoraimperatrix · 3 years

Text

caught between goodbye and I love you

DickKory | Pining | Eventual smut | Two shots | Post season 3 AU

Chapter 1: My heart is a sad affair

Nobody could say he didn't have been trying. Well, they could but it wouldn't be true.

Even though Bruce had made sure Dick knew how to attract the female attention, nobody told him what to do when it didn’t work as planned. Or how to stanch the wound.

Hell, Bruce made sure he could seduce anyone that could be seduced. "It is a very useful skill to have in your utility belt, Chum" he said then. But it didn't mean Dick didn’t pray for the sweet release of death back then when he was being forced to have seduction lessons under Alfred's or worse, Selina's tutelage.

He should have payed more attention to when they broke up, not that he’d have learnt something useful. They always got back together. He and Kory on other hand…

Well, been taught how to seduce someone for ulterior motives didn’t mean he knew what to do when his goal was not mission oriented. Usually in a mission, after the seduction part was over, even if he had to date the person for more than one night, he had a script and a clear goal. But what if there was no mission? What if he had hopes instead of goals? What to do without no script to follow? No set of rules to guide him?

And he was especially bad when he genuinely cared, never being able to judge if he was trying too hard or too little, usually finding himself overcome with anxiety which resulted into pushing the object of his affections away in the long run. That happened to Dawn, to Babs, hell, despite being a completely different kind of relationship it almost happened with Rachel and Gar too. Thank goodness his children were way more forgiving.

Since Dawn was gone for good and he and Babs had broke up again after deluding themselves for a whole five minutes that their childhood trauma bonded romance could have a last hurrah. He was back to reality. The depressing reality that he, to his absolute despair, cared for Kory, so much, too much, more than he had thought that he ever could for anyone.

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Despite all his overthinking tendencies, all his overplanning, all his precautions, he really didn’t see that coming. Of course, he was aware he was attracted to her from day one, it was nothing alarming back then, at least in the beginning. It hurt when she told him she needed to find out who she was before it got too serious, but he understood, and it was fine. They had time. And time they had, after their reunion, raising a household together, his physical attraction to her remained, and new set of feelings started breeding from their partnership. Something way more aggravating than the constant desire to fuck her brains off every time she entered the room, something deeper.

It took a while, because he was known for being stubborn as fuck, but he knew that a good detective can’t cherry pick evidences, and eventually, he admitted to himself that he wanted to be with her forever. Which not only was a scary thought by itself, considering how much time he spent running from everything serious and true, but it made his insides twist in fear.

Because nothing that good could last. When the love of you life quite literally fell from heaven, heaven can take her back whenever. And the thought of losing her at any moment pushed his anxieties to the roof. Her behaviour haven’t been exactly helping. Despite of not having anything substantial of proof, Dick could feel something was wrong with her, something that she wouldn't talk about no matter how many times he tried to approach her.

Maybe it was his fault, maybe he put himself in a position in which she felt responsible for his wellbeing but not trustworthy to be relied upon after the mess he had made with Slade and with Jason.

Besides, what claim did he have to demand any clarification from her? They weren't together.

But it still hurt. That feeling of uselessness, of having nothing to offer when she gave so much just being by his side.

They lived in the same house and were currently raising super powered teenagers together, everybody outside their tight circle assumed they were a couple, married even, hell, her sister thought they were together. And Kory hardly flinched when they dined out and the waiter called her “Mrs Grayson”, she joked about it, that also hurt, because it wasn’t true. Yes they used to have sex, and yes he was trying to make his grimaces of pain to look like smiles on regular basis to hide how much he wanted her, but they are not together.

But it wasn't by Dick's choice.

It was Kory's.

And the rejection hurt, especially when he didn’t expect it.

From all his many faults, Dick wasn't that kind of guy, it wasn’t as if he didn’t think that her rejection was impossible or insulting due to some high opinion of himself. But it just didn’t make sense. He wasn't deluding himself, although he sometimes had no choice but doubt, wanting to believe and respect her choice, but when it had such dissonance with her actions…

Because, as much as he sometimes wanted to take the easy way out that his internal self-hatred provided – that he was crazy, pathetic and there was no way in heaven or hell such woman would have feelings for him – Dick had also been trained in reading body language and micro expressions.

Everything about how Kory interacted with him felt like an invitation. Unless he had been suffering from a very serious case of psychosis (again), he couldn’t have been imagining the longing in her gaze. Sometimes, even when he thought she wasn’t in the room, he could feel her eyes in him. And it wasn’t just the hot looks he was used to get from people that only thought he was attractive – even though Kory would give him plenty of those too, his skin had been reaping the benefits of all his ice cold showers. But, sometimes, especially when he was giving attention to their children, or just doing something mundane like reading or meditating, he could feel her watching. A gentle smile on her face, eyes like pools of warmth and endearment. Nobody ever looked at him like that, with such unadulterated fondness.

Or the way she found excuses to touch him. He always loved the feeling of falling, doing unnecessary stunts so he could only feel that special kind of rush. With Kory around to catch him whenever he needed, he had been doing that even more often so he could feel her strong arms around him, and she never denied him.

When they fought enemies, or trained, she always found a way to make skin contact, throwing him at their mark to give him an extra boost, instead of shouting for him to clear away from danger, she’d physically pull him away in very unnecessary and unfortunately fast hugs.

She’d lean on his shoulder for no reason at all, even after her powers returned and she told everyone she was not feeling tired all the time anymore. In the mornings, while they washed the dishes together – since Gar banned them both from cooking – she’d bump him with her hip to make him move out of her way, and her hands always lingered when handing him an utensil.

Kory was always pressing away invisible wrinkles on his clothing, and picking things from his hair, so much he could hear muffled giggles from the children every time she did that.

And how could he have been imagining the way her face lit every time he entered the room, or when someone mentioned his name? He couldn't have made anything like that up. Didn't have the self-esteem necessary, or the self-hatred necessary to imagine such torture.

Dick did wonder, though, if living with a woman that looked like what poets sang about, that had the personality correspondent of the most golden of summer’s day, and flirted with him mercilessly, but yet dismissed every attempt he made to turn their relationship into something romantic was just karma. In the past, he had abused his own good looks and knowledge. Hearts had been broken because of his folly, and now the universe was punishing him or something.

Yeah, right, as if the universe cared that much.

But then, when his bitterness and confusion were not settled at all, and he was getting ready for another night of delicious horrible dreams about the woman that did not want him, something weird happened.

Kory Anders, knocking on his door, with a bottle of tequila, just a few days after he finally asked her out and she destroyed his heart and made a mess of his head by saying no. Not only no, she said she didn’t like him like that. That she loved him as a friend, and didn’t want to make things more complicated.

What a bunch of garbage.

For a fraction of second he wondered what she'd do if he closed the door on her face. But he'd never be able to do that, so, wordlessly, he gave away the space she needed to enter his room.

“Can I help you?” he said when she just stood there, looking everywhere but him, as if his room were a great novelty.

Kory bit her lip and he wanted to die. He didn’t want to believe she did those things out of malice, but sometimes one cannot help but being angry over such carelessness.

“Kory?” he asked in that bitchy impatient way of his.

“I lied,” she finally said in a puff of breath.

“What you mean?” His heart was racing, it couldn’t be. Was he asleep? Most of his dreams began with some sort of flashback of their first night. Terrible, terrible dreams that always ended too soon.

She looked away, searching for something, his heart shrank when swayed her body aside, thinking she was about to leave, but Kory placed the bottle and the cups on his dresser and turned back to him, the look she gave him making his throat feel raw. In two powerful strides she was all over him, firm elegant palms cradling his head as she tilted his face to the angle she wanted for their kiss. It was like if time went back.

He pulled her closer carefully, afraid she’d disappear in the smoke of his lust filled memory if he went too hard or too fast, but even when she remained solid, warm under his touch, her teeth pulling his bottom lip mercilessly, then spreading licks and soothing kisses, her perfume making him dizzy, he let her lead. It was easier, which considering his tendency for always taking the most tortuous path, added a layer of pleasure in a luxury hardly ever taken.

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Notes:

I started writing this before season 3, because I wanted to write a fic in which Dick was pining, and also I wanted it to be steamy and smutty. But since the smut part is taking forever to finish and the pining part became bigger than what I planned, you get a two shot.

---

Preview:

“Please don’t this. I don’t want to pretend. I’m so tired of lying to you and I’ll have to pretend to the rest of my life. This might be the last night I will ever have to be myself, to be with you. I need this to be real.”

Kory took one of the hands off his hair, bending her arm backwards so she could rub him trough his trousers. Dick let out a moan and she used the opportunity to make a wet path of kisses across his cheekbones, until she reached his ear. She whispered something in her native language and licked his earlobe.

What else could he do? She wanted real. He’d give her real.

Dick pulled her up as his lips claimed hers again, her powerful legs crossed around his hips. He held her up like that for a while, just enjoying the feel of her body pressed flush against his. His hands giving her support by moulding her round butt with his palms.

Dick he walked backwards until his chins hit the bed and he fell sitting with Kory on his lap. She stopped her ministrations to pull her hair from her face and look down at him.

“Hey,” she said, her eyelashes were still wet, but her tears had stopped falling, she looked so… No wonder she belonged to the heavens, no being in the planet could be so perfect.

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thisnoodlewritesao3 · 3 years

Text

Regrets | Yamaguchi Tadashi/Reader

Characters: Reader, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei. Mentioned: Hinata Shoyo, Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Tooru, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori

Pairings: Tsukishima Kei/Reader, Yamaguchi Tadashi/Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentioned emotional abuse, swearing (lmk if I missed anything)

Word Count: 2560

Summary: After the downfall of your relationship with Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi stays behind to pick up the pieces.

A/N: Look, I know I haven't posted in a while, and this isn't the ONE THING I NEED TO POST. But that will be done soon. I was having issues with google docs, and anxiety, and AAAAAAH but! we will be back to our regularly scheduled nonsense soon hehe. Anyway, have some pain. Also! Big thank you to @pies-writes-and-more for briefly Beta-Reading and then I went off on one hehe. Sowwy

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There are a few things you know, for certain, in this world: love is a fickle thing, pizza is the most comforting food, and Yamaguchi Tadashi had done few things wrong in his life.

And yet here you sit, with your back pressed against your bedroom door and knees pulled close to your chest, tears stinging your cheeks with such aggression you briefly fear they might be acid. He’s on the other side of the door, probably in a similar position, mumbling his most sincere apologies for your current heart ache.

But why?

You ask yourself this so often when it comes to him. Why is he always the first to apologise? Why is he apologising to begin with? This wasn’t his issue. It didn’t matter what you said, he would still apologise, because that’s just how Yamaguchi Tadashi was.

Sure, he had his behind-your-back snarky remarks and that mischievous giggle you’d hear when he was around. But on the inside, oh so deep inside, he was just as weak and as vulnerable as you were.

You knew it wasn’t his fault, yet you couldn’t stop the words flowing from your lips.

I wish I’d never met you.

You don’t mean it. Not really. Well, it was more like you wished he’d never introduced you to him. According to him, he’d wanted you to be his little secret for just a little while longer. So he could protect you for just some more time. But as fickle as love is, so was that.

You can still remember, clear as day, the night you’d met Yamaguchi.

He was walking outside your family restaurant with two other first year boys. Just outside of the front was yet another ever so loud “conversation” between Aoba Johsai’s pretty boy - Oikawa Tooru - and Shiratorizawa’s powerhouse - Ushijima Wakatoshi. The resident redhead who’d often stop by your restaurant with soft apologies and sorrowful gaze - Tendou Satori - was cringing behind Ushijima. If it hadn't been for the surprise visit of Yamaguchi and his first year friends, you might never have gotten rid of the pair that night.

They didn’t say much, but the tall first year with the black hair seemed to piss off Oikawa enough to make him leave. And - for whatever reason - Ushijima was either intimidated or annoyed by the smaller first year with vibrant orange hair.

As Tendou apologised, you locked eyes with Yamaguchi. To say the rest was history would be the easy thing to say. But you weren’t too good at doing things easily.

It was too often you’d see this particular green haired boy appear in your restaurant, looking a little intimidated, but elated nonetheless.

You’d entertain him with small conversation about your life and about his. For whatever reason, time seemed to pass by so easily when he was around. The two of you clicked well, sharing these weekly dinners together like they were your most solid form of comfort.

Until one day, Yamaguchi brought a friend. Brought him.

Tsukishima Kei was the perfect example of everything you shouldn’t love, but that only makes you love him harder. He’s cocky, arrogant enough to be tolerable - unlike Oikawa - a bit more difficult to talk to. A lot of work. It really was a shame you liked things that were challenges.

Because Yamaguchi was easy. Maybe that’s what drew you more to his tall friend.

All smirks and side glances, snide remarks about your food or the restaurant itself. You almost wanted to kick him out right then and there. But you had a soft spot for Yamaguchi, so you let the boys stay.

That would be your first mistake.

Your second was something so seemingly innocent, yet it would be your complete and utter downfall in the end. Your second would be falling for Tsukishima Kei. Hard and fast, with no mercy or care in the world. No time to think about your feelings when your thoughts were filled with him.

Tsukishima Kei was everything that Yamaguchi wasn’t. He was hard to have conversations with, harsh on his wise remarks about you, and time with him went by in a second. You had no chance to reflect on the things you’d said or the way his tone of voice shifted between words; it was over just as quickly as it started.

At first, you took it as a good sign.

You thought that it meant you enjoyed his company so much that it would be over so quick. Even when you tried to think of it as the most boring thing you’d ever done, it didn’t work. Not when he turned and looked at you with that smirk. Not when you blinked and he was grabbing his things to go.

Of course, you didn’t even take a second to think that maybe the reason time went so fast was because he was leaving so much earlier than Yamaguchi would. But as you continued to work, you didn’t think about it. Especially not when your heart skipped a beat when your eyes met.

"It's all my fault." Yamaguchi leaned his head back against the door a little too hard, the noise making you wince.

"It isn't." You said, because it wasn’t his fault. Well, it wasn’t all his fault. Even a blind man could see that. You aren’t even sure how you manage to keep your voice so strong, but you know that it won’t happen again.

“It is.” And this time, you didn't stop his explanation. “When I found out he liked you, I knew he wasn’t going to be good for you. But I saw how your eyes lit up around him, and you’d been talking about him for two years so… I didn’t stop him. I didn’t tell him you deserved more than this. More than what he could give you.” He paused, probably running his hand through his hair. “And then you’d talk about the things he’d do like they were normal, like you were laughing. Like you were begging me to make you stop it.” And he was right. Because you were. Because you hoped he’d see the signs and make you turn around. You probably wouldn’t have listened though. “I’m not going to say I could have treated you better because that isn’t for me to decide. But I will say that I wish I’d never introduced you to him.” He shuffled behind the door, probably getting up to leave. “You know, Y/N, you deserved so much more than that. You are worthy of more than that.” He assured you, and you could only laugh - it really didn’t feel like that right now.

As he left you alone, you wanted to scream more for him to come back, but you knew it was for the best. Yamaguchi was his friend first. You were barely an afterthought in the grand-scheme of things.

Every night you lay awake, panic sewn into your skin that he’d show up, begging you for forgiveness, begging you to take him back, and you lived with the fear that you would do exactly that.

Why?

Because you hated the thought of him being hurt. Hated the idea that, even after everything he’d done to you, you still couldn’t put yourself first.

And, after all this time, there was only one person you could call when things got bad.

Yamaguchi had gotten pretty good at putting on a brave face around Tsukishima when the other first years he’d shared his high school experience were around, but when the pair were left alone, he didn’t have a good thing to say to the blond.

“You really stopped clinging to Tsukishima,” Hinata said in passing one day, almost making the green haired boy hurl. Because if only they knew why. If only they’d seen what he’d seen. If only they’d heard your cries when everything happened.

Instead of answering directly, Yamaguchi just shrugged and laughed lightly, closing his eyes for fear they’d betray him with his true emotions. “Just thought I should start living for myself. You know, you can’t rely on someone forever.” When he opened them again, Tsukishima was looking the other way, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Come on, Tadashi.” Tsukishima called out to him; it was one of those days they’d all planned to be here together, but life happens, and it left Tsukishima with a very pissed off Yamaguchi. “God, you need to stop being such a pussy. Who even cares about her anyway?” Tsukishima asked him, his tone of voice making it very clear that he hated this topic.

It stopped Yamaguchi in his tracks. Because he cared about you. He was there for you. He saw the aftermath, the way you almost refused to tell him what had happened with a serious tone; he saw the light in your eyes shatter and break, and the confident girl he’d known was gone.

You were gone because of the man behind him right now. He clenched his fists, trying to calm the increase of his heartbeat. Trying to resist the urge to punch him in the face. Trying to find the words that would make this boy understand what he’d done.

“Just because you never cared, doesn’t mean other people didn’t.” Yamaguchi spat, walking away from Tsukishima.

He would come to you every time you called him, late at night, early in the morning. Whenever. Wherever. It didn’t matter. Not when you curled up in your bed with your head pressed into his chest, tears staining his shirt and assuring him it would be another long night.

He’d do anything you’d ask, if he were being honest, but you never asked him more than that. For him to stay the night and hold you was all you ever needed, and he thought you were brave for being able to admit just that.

Slowly, you were getting better.

And then you called one evening, crying so hard, voice so filled with panic that he practically ran to your dorm- no, he did run. His legs were burning, his lungs squeezing closed with every sharp exhale. But he was here.

And so was Tsukishima.

The blond was knocking on your door, cheeks tear-stained in the most pathetic way as he begged you to let him inside. Yamaguchi had never been more proud of you; in this moment, you were going against everything your body told you to do.

Yamaguchi acted on instinct, pushing Tsukishima away from your door, and he tumbled onto the ground, looking up at his friend who radiated rage. His blood was boiling, any pain throughout his body long forgotten because you needed him to protect you. To do what he should have done years ago.

“What are you doing here?” Tsukishima didn’t bother pulling himself up, not yet, not when every muscle in Yamaguchi’s arms flexed, threatening him just enough. But Yamaguchi actually hurt him? He actually needed to think about that; right now, it really looked like it.

“I was actually invited.” Yamaguchi hissed behind gritted teeth. Had his senses ever been so awake? He didn’t think so. Pure adrenaline rushed through his veins. “What are you doing here?”

It almost felt wrong to talk to Tsukishima this way - so wrong, yet so right - he didn’t understand why. Sure, when they met as kids, Tsukishima had never been the nicest to him. But he’d never been horrible either. Not the way he was to you - not the way he was to anyone else. It made him feel special, that Tsukishima’s friendship was special - no matter how wrong that was - and maybe when they got closer in high school, he let himself be blind for just a little bit longer. Because Tsukishima Kei called him cool, so wasn’t that a big deal? It shouldn’t have been.

“And what are you going to do?” Tsukishima asked, standing up slowly, he was watching Yamaguchi carefully, he could see the hesitation in the boy's eyes. So, maybe he did have the upper hand, or some sort of ground after all. “Because I really doubt you have it in you to hit me, Tadashi, so just move out of the way and let me talk to my girlfriend.”

That sat wrong with Yamaguchi and his glare hardened. He could hear you crying on the other side of the door, God, you must have been so scared. “She isn’t your girlfriend anymore.”

“Is she yours?” Tsukishima looked down on him, sneering. He already knew the answer.

“Why do you care so much? Because if I remember correctly, you’re the one that broke up with her. You’re the one that did this. And now you’re crawling back?” Yamaguchi scoffed, trying his hardest to make sure his walls weren’t going to break down, he could feel them crumbling already. “That’s pretty lame, Tsukki.”

“Because I fucked up.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, hands shoved deep into his pocket.

“When did you fuck up exactly?” Yamaguchi stepped closer to him, pointing his finger at him almost violently. “Was it when you told her she wasn’t good enough for you? Was it when you tore her apart for your own entertainment? Was it when she opened up to you, and you shamed her for that? Or could it have been when you left her standing in the rain on your first anniversary? Maybe it was when you abandoned her at her own mother’s funeral because she ‘hurt your feelings’? God, I really just can’t pinpoint when you fucked up,” sarcasm dripped from his tongue as he grabbed Tsukishima by the shirt (when had he gotten so close?) pulling his face down until they met eyelines, “fucking enlighten me, Tsukishima!” He yelled. “You know what, Tsukishima, I think your biggest fuck up was following me to her restaurant, when I told you not to, all because you were bored.”

The tension held in the air was strangling them both. It was all a case of who would let go first - who would be the first one to back away?

They both knew the answer.

Tsukishima pushed Yamaguchi away, scoffing at the green haired boy, “I get it. You hate me.” He rolled his eyes, straightening out his shirt. “But I did care about her.” His voice was softer now, like he was scared that you’d hear him.

“Well,” Yamaguchi cleared his throat, “you have a really funny way of showing it.” They turned away from each other, not wanting to see the changes in their face. A silent agreement between them that things would never be the same. Maybe that was for the best.

When he was sure that Tsukishima had left the building, Yamaguchi reached a shaking hand out to your door.

Your soft whimpers were barely noticeable, but they were there. You opened the door, practically throwing yourself into his arms when you confirmed he was okay; you didn't ask what happened between the boys and he didn’t tell you.

Sure, you never liked doing things easily before, but right now, easy was what your heart needed. Yamaguchi took the lead in making sure you were getting help with the trauma; and he let you take the lead in your relationship.

And sure, you’d always regret the night you’d met Tsukishima Kei. But, no matter what you said, you would never regret the night you’d met Yamaguchi.

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#yamaguchi x reader #tsukishima x reader #hq yamaguchi #hq tsukishima #haikyuu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#my writing #thisnoodlewrites

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kindness-ricochets · 3 years

Note

ur thoughts on wylan and kaz? as characters or ur general hc's for them together after soc or anything else. just ur general thoughts on these characters in tandem.

In writing my response, I rambled for a bit and may and may not have actually answered your question... so while I hope this interests you and is what you meant, feel free to drop a line if I completely missed the mark!

They’re perfect opposites—by which I mean entirely different in all the ways they’re the same.

Wylan and Kaz share an almost absolute emptiness of coherent thought regarding themselves, Wylan emotionally and Kaz physically. Kaz always pushes himself too hard, he never sleeps, he’s basically made of coffee and spite. Wylan can overlook any level of mistreatment because he is so thoroughly conditioned to it, except that he genuinely believes this can be a form of love.

As a result, both deal with grievous personal wrongs using a loved one as a proxy.

Kaz has every reason to hate Pekka Rollins as the architect of his trauma and sometimes he does acknowledge this. He’ll have lines about Pekka taking everything from him. That he “had a lot of things”. It’s about Jordie, always. Avenging Jordie’s death is a perfectly valid motivator, but Kaz takes it to an extreme degree. (This is an interesting contrast between him and Inej, too. Inej recognizes that what was done to her was wrong; though deeply traumatized by it, she is able to recognize that she was mistreated, that she can seek revenge for herself and others like her.)

Wylan has every reason to hate his father. But he doesn’t. Not only doesn’t he, he blames himself every time. Jan wanted a real son, a proper heir, it’s Wylan’s fault; who else would love him enough to be honest with him? It’s only when he learns about Marya that Wylan can begin to process what his father truly is. Eight years of abuse culminating in attempted murder and public humiliation is one thing… not at all intended to downplay the horror of Marya’s situation, not at all! Just that it’s the only way Wylan is able to begin to process his feelings toward his father.

Maybe as an aspect of this, maybe as a coincidence to it, both are very conscious of the people are them—it’s just that Kaz’s consciousness is ruthlessly pragmatic while Wylan’s is sweet. Kaz is always aware of every player, how to use them, and how to manipulate them. Wylan is concerned—about Jesper losing his guns, about Nina catching cold in her skimpy outfit, about Alys who was sweet and silly and meant no harm to anyone. A perfect example is their conversation about Jesper.

[“]Who knows? Jesper may even win his revolvers back.” “I hope so,” said Wylan as they hopped onto a browboat crowded with tourists and headed south down the Stave. “You would.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Someone like Jesper wins two hands and starts to call it a streak. Eventually he loses, and that just leaves him hungrier for the next run of good luck. The house relies on it.” Then why make him walk into a gambling den?

Both have a personal connection to Jesper; Kaz does his closest approximation to loving him as a brother, while Wylan’s little crush is starting to feel like maybe something more. And they have opposite approaches to his addiction. Kaz uses it. Ruthlessly. (Granted, this is Kaz at his lowest, but it’s not especially different from how he treated Jesper in the beginning of Six of Crows.) Wylan wants to acknowledge his problem and help him avoid his addiction. He doesn’t want Jesper to have to suffer the loss of something important to him. This also shows in how Wylan and Kaz think about each other. Near the end of Six of Crows, Kaz essentially thinks that he doesn’t care about Wylan’s dyslexia because Wylan has other talents, other uses. Wylan thinks near the middle of Crooked Kingdom that he knows Kaz had other motives, but he still helped Wylan a lot, and is a friend. Kaz’s evaluations are weighed by use, Wylan’s by emotional impact.

Now I’m going to get nerdy. Even more so. When I did developmental psychology, my favorite was always Erikson, who essentially broke human development into stages of crisis and resolution. The 4th is “industry vs. inferiority”—basically, competence. And they resolve to extreme opposite ends of the spectrum. Kaz is industrious, competent and capable, determined from the moment he was reborn in that canal. He doesn’t stop. He makes plans and acts on them. Wylan feels inferior, and often struggles—even with things he knows how to do, he needs to be told to do them, or can’t quite put two and two together about the situation around him. (The fact that Wylan’s crisis comes to a more positive resolution, that he begins to develop competence, throughout Crooked Kingdom is… frankly, wonderful. Wylan wasn’t inherently bad at things. He just didn’t have support to grow.)

These opposite resolutions also relate to where they fall on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Kaz is left without the most basic things, physiological and safety needs, things like food, water, and shelter. He has to adapt and he has to adapt fast—because he’s alone. And if he’s going to survive, if he’s going to see Jordie given justice, he needs to get to work. Wylan has those needs met, placing him at the point of psychological needs—belongingness, love, esteem. Jan took care of Wylan’s basic needs, but dealt him blow after blow toward his psychological needs through isolation and emotional abuse. This highlights another difference: Kaz’s damage wasn’t dealt by someone who hated him. Pekka was just indifferent. The Barrel was full of lost children who would take a mouthful of bread from a weaker boy because they needed it to survive. It was indifference, for Kaz. But for Wylan, it was at best disdain, at worst hatred.

This sets them apart from the other Crows. Inej was 14 when she was taken by slavers. Jesper was around 16 when he was sent to Ketterdam for university. Nina was 16 or 17 when the Fjerdans took her captive. Matthias was I think 11 when he lost his family, which places him just on the cusp of two of Erikson’s stages, but the relevant resolution is to the fifth stage of identity vs. confusion—basically, “Who am I, and who can I become?” Those four developed competence in a more or less healthy way (purely in terms of competence since two were basically child soldiers, but still). Whereas Kaz overcompensates with relentlessness and Wylan freezes up. Both have this sort of jagged place inside them at exactly that point, that the others simply don’t have.

To me, this explains why Kaz and Wylan have the weakest balance between personal and professional lives. Kaz is always plotting, scheming. He has to learn to take a break from the monster and be the man. Wylan is locked up in his own mind. In his first narrated chapter, his first narrated page, he tells us that he feels out of place and doesn’t even know where to put his hands to look normal. Kaz is ready to take over the world while Wylan just wants to exist in his own little corner of it.

#six of crows #kaz brekker #wylan van eck

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butterflyinthewell · 3 years

Text

Adult fandom antis scare me.

You know how the most violently homophobic people end up being gay themselves?

That’s why I’m immediately suspicious of any 20+ adult fandom anti who uses the same rhetoric as 15 year olds and presents themselves as a “safe adult”.

There’s no way they’re safe, they’re using the rhetoric to deflect suspicion off themselves and they’re probably saying and doing really gross shit to kids in private.

❌❌❌❌

— TW CSA MENTION —

Just imagine how they could find the kid that’s the most on the fringes, make them feel special, reel them in more, get them to share nudes, and then threaten to take away all that friendship and turn everyone against them if they tell anyone what happened. Imagine how scared that kid will feel when they see this monster, feel disgusting and deflect all that terror and guilt into telling people to stop being alive over Loli artwork.

——

Predators are slick like that. They’ll hide in plain sight if it means accessing their chosen prey.

That’s why people need to educate minors about what grooming can really look like, cuz I promise it’s not icky artwork just existing on a server somewhere.

Being groomed is never the child’s fault, blame always lies on the predator. Always.

I looked up info about online grooming warning signs and here’s what I found. This may be triggering for survivors.

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

The Steps of Grooming

Any person of any age, gender, sexual identity or ethnicity can groom someone for the purpose of abuse. That person may be someone you know or someone you don’t know. Children and teens are not the only victims of grooming, but this guide focuses on young people.

Grooming was first recognized in abuse cases where the abuser knew their victim in person, like Ariana Kukors, a US Olympic swimmer who was abused by her coach. Kukors has spoken publicly about the role grooming played in her story, and how the manipulation kept her under the control of her abusive coach for years. In addition to in person grooming, online grooming has become equally dangerous, prevalent and damaging. More and more of our lives are lived online, which is why we need to think more and more about our safety online.

1. Targeting a victim

Unfortunately, any young person is at risk of online grooming. Abusers typically look for someone who is more vulnerable or in a vulnerable situation, like someone living in foster care or someone with a disability. Online, abusive people look for teens who are lonely or expressing sexual curiosity. Sometimes online abusers pretend to be teenagers themselves, but more often they are adults trying to play the role of an older boyfriend or a mentor who can “teach” the victim about love or sex.

2. Gaining access

Sexual abuse is most often committed by someone that you already know, and this is because the abuser usually needs to be in your circle of acquaintances to get access to you. They want to be nearby and to have opportunities to be alone.

This is often not the case with online abuse, because the internet provides that access. Instead of being in the same city or neighborhood, abusers can meet potential victims on social media, in games, chatrooms, or anywhere that users correspond. Online platforms also allow anonymity, which works in the abuser’s favor. It can be difficult to determine who a person is and their intentions.

3. Building trust

A key part of grooming for sexual abuse is building trust with the victim. In person or online, abusers try to fill a need. You may be lonely, feel unpopular, isolated or bored, and the abuser will pretend to become a friend you can confide in and who can listen. They may act sympathetic, always take your side, and portray themselves as the only person who understands your problems. Their goal is to become your main emotional support. They may also try to make you feel special by treating you like an adult and commenting on your maturity. They may quickly look for a favor they can do for you to make you feel indebted and more likely to do something for them return. This stage is particularly damaging because it closely mimics a positive relationship.

4. Isolation and risk assessment

When an abuser thinks they have established trust, they test that bond. They may try to isolate you from family or friends, sometimes to the point of you becoming very emotionally or otherwise dependent on them. With online grooming, they may ask if your parents check your phone or if you are home alone. They may also start asking you to keep secrets, either about conversations or gifts they send. This is one way the abuser assesses whether they can move to the next step and you will stay silent.

5. Sexualization of the relationship

The final step occurs when the abuser believes they have built sufficient trust that you will do what they request and keep everything secret. They may commit sexual assault in or request sexual images or videos, often increasingly explicit in nature.

While in person and online grooming both follow these steps, abusers work at different rates. For example, Ariana Kukors swim coach began grooming her when she was 13 years old and the physical sexual abuse began when she was 15. Online abuse can occur faster, sometimes in even less than one hour.

🚩🚩🚩🚩

Red Flags and Warning Signs

It is not reasonable to say that you should avoid the internet if you don’t want to be abused. The responsibility and blame always lies with an abuser, not someone they victimize who is simply engaging in modern life online. We believe it is possible for you to still have fun online, meet new friends, and stay safe. The key is awareness. It may be difficult to identify a step in the grooming process in real time, but there are red flags and warning signs that you can recognize, especially if they start to accumulate. They can help you protect yourself when sexual requests slide into your DMs.

Flattery

It can feel nice to be noticed. Lots of likes and comments on your social media can feel good, but excessive compliments from a stranger can be a warning sign, particularly sexualized comments about your appearance. Flattery is one way online abusers gain access to their victims and begin building a relationship. “Wow, you should be a model,” may seem harmless, but it often isn’t. You have the power. Just because someone gives you a compliment does not mean you have to continue the conversation.

Gifts

Online groomers might send video game currency, cash, electronic devices, or other gifts to you to ingratiate themselves. This is a clear red flag. There is no reason why an adult should be sending gifts to a minor they met online, nor is it typical teen behavior to send gifts if the abuser is posing as a younger person. In actuality, gifts are one way abusers assess risk. They may ask you to not tell your parents about the gift to test how much you trust them and if you will stay silent after sexual abuse.

Asking for personal information

It is safest to avoid sharing personal and identifying information about yourself online or with those you don’t know. If you are playing video games, chatting, or sharing photos for fun, there is no need for personal questions about where you live or go to school. Do your parents read your messages? What is a secret no one knows about you? Abusers want to know as much as they can about their victims so they can better manipulate them.

Secret conversations

Secrets work in the abuser’s favor in two different ways. To build trust, they may confide in you by telling real or made up secrets to try to make you feel special. Abusers also use secrets to test that trust before escalating to sexual abuse. If someone asks you to keep a conversation secret, ask yourself why? Is the conversation inappropriate, or is it dangerous?

Sending sexually explicit photos

In the online dating world, it is almost assumed you will receive sexual photos whether you asked for them or not. Sexting is considered normal, but still has risks and consequences, particularly if you are under 18. Unfortunately, abusers rely on the normalization of sexting. They expect you to dismiss or think nothing of an explicit image, but in reality, abusers send explicit imagery to try and desensitize their victim to future abuse. It is a priming tactic. Keep in mind, that in many countries it is illegal for an adult to send an underage person pornographic material,nor is it lawful to send nude photos as a minor to another person. In any online exchange, it is not okay for anyone to send unsolicited explicit photos. This is poor etiquette and ultimately a nonconsensual act and red flag no matter what.

Requesting sexual photos

Online abusers sexualize the relationship by sending and requesting explicit photos and videos, explicit letters or phone calls, or asking detailed questions about your sexual history or experience. They may begin with a seemingly harmless request, like a photo of you fully clothed, before asking for increasingly sexual images. Others brazenly ask for explicit material straight away and even demand live webcam performances. Remember that after you send an image, you no longer have control over what a person does with that image. Ask yourself how well you know the receiver. Did you meet in person or online? Do you know their real identity and their intentions? How does the request make you feel? Many young people enjoy the attention that comes from the potential of a new relationship, but requests to send nudes can still feel like unwanted pressure.

Threats

After the abuser receives one or multiple sexual images, they may try to blackmail you into sending more images of increasing exploitative nature. They may send threats that they will release the images online or send them to your family or school. This is a kind of extortion, or rather sextortion, and is another form of sexual abuse. You do not need to respond or give in, despite how terrifying the threats may seem. An abuser does not want to put themselves at risk by exposing the relationship, so the threats may be a bluff. Seek immediate help.

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Next Steps

If you feel uncomfortable about an online conversation, the next thing you should do may be the hardest. Reach out for help and support. Telling a parent, guardian, teacher or someone else can be daunting because you can’t know for sure how they will react, but confiding in someone with some power who you can trust and who won’t blame you for the abuse is key to moving forward. Alternatively, you can call a helpline which allows you to remain anonymous and get accurate advice about your situation.

An online conversation with someone abusive can spiral out of control quickly. You may feel ashamed or embarrassed, but if there is anything you should take away from this guide, it is this: it is never your fault. The blame is not yours to bear.

—source: Scarleteen website.

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My advice: keep receipts. Take screenshots, save emails, save photos or videos if it’s safe/legal to do so (ie they’re not another minor sending sexually explicit stuff, saving that might be cited as CSEM possession), and document whatever you can. It will help you expose the person to either law enforcement or in a callout post if a callout is necessary.

#proshipper #antis #discourse #fandom discourse #grooming #red flags #grooming red flags #grooming warning signs #tw csa mention #swearing #long post

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