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#You're going to get your order. It's going to be completely wrong. I'm living through something at the moment.
yvesdot · 2 years
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Sorry I was just really busy thinking about how Gideon spent her entire brief life lusting after women in magazines because the only ones around her were elderly and/or treated her like garbage her entire life, only to enter a teenage death game where she was immediately overwhelmed into silence by the presence of real human women she was attracted to, some of whom it actually turns out were attracted to her in return, only because of everything going on and her own inexperience she barely spoke to them let alone touched them-- even seeing the girl she grew up alongside without face paint discomfited her-- and then died (for that girl!) a virgin at eighteen. But it's fine because she came back for a minute, and spent most of that time learning that her mother didn't love her and "confirming" that the girl she died for also didn't love her, featuring a jilted asshole who then became her only friend solely on the basis of them "both" having unrequited feelings for said girl, leading up to half a year of imperialism for the sake of the father she never knew, looking in vain for the love of her life, only to then be kissed by someone who looks just like her. So is it any surprise that she "did not respond;" that she didn't know how to kiss her back? Is it any surprise that she trembled? The expression on the corpse’s face could not have been more rigid with shock and disbelief-- The most shock and disbelief Gideon had ever felt was at the idea that a girl she loved could love her back, in any physical way. Except it wasn't her, actually, so Gideon just had to sit with this, alone, because not a single person around her cared about anything she might be feeling, as per usual, only solidifying the fact of her aloneness. But, yeah, please repeat whatever it is you just said to me I'm sure it's just as important.
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tinycoffeeroom · 1 month
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café de paris | max verstappen
face claim: none ᡣ𐭩
request: here !
a/n: all french / dutch is google translated blame them if it's wrong! race order is completely random here !
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📍café de paris, monaco
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liked by bffstagram, friend1 and 294 others
y/nstagram me 🤝 café de paris
bffstagram bro those croissants look Fire ↳ y/nstagram my main source of sustenance in these hard monaco streets!
friend1 i have yet to see evidence of you shaking ass on a yacht miss y/n!! ↳ bffstagram so real... we're meant to be living vicariously through you!!! ↳ y/nstagram student finance doesn't stretch to yacht ass shaking, i can barely afford my daily caffeine fix 😭
friend2 oui oui hon baguette how is france? ↳ y/nstagram never let a monagesque hear you say that,,, bro i can't fight ↳ friend2 🫡 ... how is monaco?* ↳ y/nstagram 🫡 it's good!! def happy i chose here over france, even if my wallet doesn't agree 😭 ↳ friend2 we feeling fluent yet? ↳ y/nstagram oh god no, the other day this poor old lady tried explaining how to find the art museum to me and i just stared at her like 😶
friend3 spotted any f1 hotties yet? i hear they all camp out in monaco 👀 ↳ y/nstagram considering i have never watched a Single f1 race i couldn't tell you HAHAH i'm sure they're around here somewhere though ↳ friend3 dude i told you to brush up on f1 😭 how am i supposed to come visit you and have a meet cute with mr lando norris if you don't do your RESEARCH ↳ y/nstagram damn i see how it is,,, using me to get to your vroom vroom men,,,
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3 weeks later
📍café de paris, monaco
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👤 alexandrasaintmleux liked by bffstagram, alexandrasaintmleux and 270 others
y/nstagram finally found someone else to join my café de paris obsession 🥐
bffstagram next bff sweetie run while you can... ↳ y/nstagram stop scaring the pretty bitches off damn 😔 ↳ alexandrasaintmleux bffstagram she won't let me leave 😭 ↳ y/nstagram i deserve better friends ↳ bffstagram you couldn't live without us xx ♥️ y/nstagram
alexandrasaintmleux la prochaine fois, nous irons au casino ! (next time, we go to the casino!) ↳ y/nstagram finance étudiante a dit non (student finance said no) ↳ alexandrasaintmleux 😔 s'il tu plait... pour moi? 🥺 (please... for me?) ↳ y/nstagram pray for my wallet guys...
friend3 wdym you just casually befriended The Alexandra Saint Mleux??? ↳ y/nstagram i thought her skirt was pretty and had no idea she was like famous 😭 then we just kept running into each other !! ↳ friend3 i need to fly out to monaco damn you can't even see her in the pic but ik she looked So pretty... ↳ alexandrasaintmleux i like your friends y/n :p ↳ y/nstagram just wait til you see them drunk,,,
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📍 jimmy'z, monaco
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👤 alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris liked by alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris and 2,962 others
y/nstagram started the night in a night club and ended on a yacht,,, just monaco things (apparently) 🛥️
friend3 y/n if you don't answer my texts RIGHT NOW !!!! ↳ y/nstagram 😉 any reason ml? ↳ friend3 i'm gonna swim to monaco and bite chunks out of your ankles what the FUCK ??? when were you gonna tell me you were just casually hanging with [REDACTED] ↳ landonorris i'm guessing i'm redacted? 😎 ↳ friend3 i need to go lie down ↳ y/nstagram landonorris dude 😭 ↳ landonorris was it something i said? 😉
alexandrasaintmleux meilleure amie 💗 (best friend) ↳ y/nstagram merci de m'avoir invitée ! je t'aime ! (thank you for inviting me! love you!)
maxverstappen1 was lovely meeting you last night schat x ↳ y/nstagram you too max! don't forget to send me those pics of the kids! x ↳ bffstagram kids? ↳ y/nstagram his cats! jimmy and sassy! 🐱❤️🐱 ↳ bffstagram your knack for finding cat people never fails to impress me ♥️ y/nstagram
danielricciardo dude my liver actually hurts... ↳ y/nstagram hey you're the one who suggested a drinking contest ↳ danielricciardo yeah because i normally WIN you freak ↳ y/nstagram i'm a broke uni student, my drink of choice is normally vodka so cheap it's legally paint stripper
georgerussell63 carmen's phone died but she said to remind you about brunch today ↳ y/nstagram on it!! alex is gonna come round and bring me 😊
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 2,938 others
y/nstagram met some VIC's (very important cats) today! 🐱 also f's in chat for my café de paris 😔
bffstagram f ↳ danielricciardo f ↳ georgerussell63 f ↳ landonorris f ↳ carmenmmundt f ↳ alexandrasaintmleux f ↳ maxverstappen1 f
friend3 babies!! the second pic oh i could cry ↳ y/nstagram she slept there for like 3 hours 😭 managed to actually sit through a whole gp though so a wins a win! ↳ friend3 y/n watching f1?? who is she?? ↳ y/nstagram their dad forced me 💔 ↳ maxverstappen1 um who cheered so loud when i won that she woke poor sassy up?? ↳ y/nstagram 🤐
charles_leclerc i didn't know café de paris do takeout? ↳ maxverstappen1 they do if you're me :) ↳ y/nstagram the only reason i'm considering keeping him around 😉 ↳ alexandrasaintmleux charles_leclerc and why have you never used your influence to get ME takeout café de paris "prince of monaco" ↳ charles_leclerc look what you've done... y/nstagram ♥️ y/nstagram
fan they're definitely max's cats but who is she? ↳ fan she knows alexandra so maybe they're in the same friendship group??
3 months later
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liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 308 others
y/nstagram working hard or hardly working 🌸
alexandrasaintmleux quand avez-vous passé votre examen ? (when's your exam?) ↳ y/nstagram lundi prochain,,, mon ami du café me manque 😔 (next monday,,, missing my cafe friend) ↳ alexandrasaintmleux nous fêterons cela quand tu auras terminé 💗 (we'll celebrate when you're finished)
bffstagram the red bulls... i wait 3 years white man does it in one week ♥️ maxverstappen1 ↳ y/nstagram hey! made him wait at least 2 months :p
friend3 the f1 book.. one of us one of us!! ↳ y/nstagram apparently i can't keep saying "the one with the red cow on it" when talking about his car,,, ↳ maxverstappen1 its a bull... literally a red bull... ↳ y/nstagram blah blah blah it's red and goes moo ↳ maxverstappen1 everyday i wake up to such disrespect ↳ charles_leclerc i'm just glad someone's keeping your ego in check ♥️ y/nstagram
friend1 when are you coming back to england :( ↳ y/nstagram i'm hoping to come visit next month! ↳ maxverstappen1 about that...
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📍 jeddah, saudi arabia
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👤 redbullracing, mine liked by redbullracing, y/nstagram and 1,928,385 others
maxverstappen1 First P1 of the season at the first race! Always grateful to stand on that top podium, especially today 🙂
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fan sorry WHO is that in the third pic????
fan bro soft launching on a race win post...
y/nstagram trots op jou ❤️ proud of you ♥️ maxverstappen1 ↳ fan 🤨
fan did you guys see the way his girl jumped the fence to get to him after he won? relationship goals fr
schecoperez another red bull 1-2! 💪 ↳ maxverstappen1 you gave me a run for my money at the end there old man! ↳ schecoperez less of the old thank you
redbullracing rue when was this ↳ fan admin finding out about max's relationship at the same time as us is so on brand ↳ redbullracing and here i thought we were besties 😔 ↳ maxverstappen1 😉
danielricciardo you look hot in the second photo and it's not just the heat 😍 ↳ fan maxiel lives on ❤️
fan he tagged her as mine BROOOOOO who's got this man so down bad??
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 194 others
🔒 y/nstagram account locked DOWN but it's so worth it for you ❤️
maxverstappen i'm sorry liefje i should have thought about this before inviting you... ↳ y/nstagram i don't regret going maxie,,, and i certainly don't regret hugging you after the race,, i knew what i was getting into, it's just a lot ❤️ ↳ maxverstappen1 ik ben gek op jou ❤️ (i'm crazy about you) ↳ y/nstagram mijn charmante prins ❤️ (my prince charming)
alexandrasaintmleux you do what's best for you ma cocotte 💗 honestly going private at the start of mine and charles' relationship was one of the best things for us ↳ y/nstagram the woe of being a wag 😔
daniel.jpg dude can you accept my follow request ↳ maxverstappen1 you followed her from your jpg acc but not your main? ↳ daniel.jpg never said i was smart ↳ charles_leclerc ^ ↳ georgerussell63 ^ ↳ landonorris ^ ↳ alexandrasaintmleux ^ ↳ carmenmmundt ^ ↳ maxverstappen1 ^ ↳ y/nstagram ^ ↳ oscarpiastri ^ ↳ daniel.jpg oscarpiastri HOW DID YOU GET HERE?? you haven't even MET y/n yet ↳ y/nstagram that's my son watch your tone. ↳ daniel.jpg i am very sorry miss y/n l/n PLEASE let me in ↳ y/nstagram oscarpiastri shall i? ↳ oscarpiastri lemme think on it ↳ daniel.jpg i hate it here
📍 suzuka, japan
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, y/nstagram and 1,394,582 others
redbullracing a quick look into max's garage! already over halfway through the season and your current world champion is on track for his 4th year running 💪
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maxverstappen1 you know how we do 👊
fan i see a y/n at the back!! ↳ fan who is y/n? ↳ fan his gf! she was first spotted in jeddah and she's been to quite a few of his races this year! ↳ fan do you have her ig? ↳ fan y/nstagram but it's private!
fan 4 time world champ incoming! ♥️ redbullracing
user lewis is gonna reclaim his title! ↳ fan ok gramps lets get you back to the home
fan best team in the world
user oh the gold digger is back ↳ redbullracing blocked, deleted and reported ↳ fan red bull stand on business ↳ redbullracing no one messes with OUR redbull girl! 👊
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 274 others
🔒 y/nstagram did you know red bull gives you wings? 👼
maxverstappen1 must have taken you forever to think of that caption ↳ y/nstagram what can i say you're dating a comedic genius
friend1 damn ma lend me one of those jackets xx ↳ y/nstagram omg pls take one he won't stop giving them to me,,, ↳ friend1 i'll take the white cap too if you're offering 👀 ↳ y/nstagram 🫡
bffstagram the third pic... y/n STAND UP ↳ y/nstagram he has the prettiest eyes 😍 my man my man my maaaaan ↳ bffstagram we've lost her boys...
alexandrasaintmleux i see the ferrari jacket 👀 ↳ y/nstagram max nearly threw me out of the room fr ↳ maxverstappen1 you deserved it ↳ maxverstappen1 also i'm burning it when you're not looking ↳ y/nstagram charlie gave it to me :((((( ↳ charles_leclerc yeah max you wouldn't burn sweet charlie's jacket would you? ↳ maxverstappen1 i'd burn you IN the jacket if you don't stop ↳ charles_leclerc 🫦 damn i love when you talk dirty to me ↳ y/nstagram ,,, alexandrasaintmleux should we leave them to it? ↳ alexandrasaintmleux after what you showed me on tumblr... yeah maybe we should
daniel.jpg loving the drip ↳ maxverstappen1 has she still not accepted your main follow request? ↳ daniel.jpg no... i know it's oscars fault somehow ↳ oscarpiastri why am i catching strays? ↳ y/nstagram i watched baku 2018 ,, you're lucky i don't block your jpg account ↳ daniel.jpg THAT WAS SO LONG AGO LET ME INNNNNNN
📍 zandvoort, the netherlands
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by y/nstagram, maxverstappen1 and 1,998,928 others
redbullracing and maxverstappen1 getting P1 and being crowned a 4 time world champion at the final race of the season AND your home race? max verstappen we tip our hats to you 💙
see 98,284 comments
fan him lifting the trophy and mouthing "this is for you" to y/n i am so lonely oh my god
y/nstagram mijn kampioen ❤️ (my champion) ♥️ redbullracing, maxverstappen1
fan max verstappen world domination!! lets go champ!!!
fan y'know maybe the dutch national anthem isn't too bad...
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by bffstagram, maxverstappen1 and 290,948 others
y/nstagram i moved to monaco for a degree in french and fell for a dutchman,,,
max, it has been a privilege to know you, to share your happiness and to love and be loved by you. watching you do what you do best fills me with so much joy and i can't wait to see you dominate the track for many more years. here's to you. ik hou van je, mijn kampioen ❤️ (i love you, my champion)
(also hi fans of max, i am very scared about being perceived by so many of you, please be nice ❤️)
maxverstappen1 mijn hart en ziel, ik weet niet hoe ik het in het Engels moet uitdrukken maar bedankt dat je in mijn leven bent gekomen, je maakt alles een beetje mooier. ik hou van je ❤️ (my heart and soul, i don't know how to express it in english but thank you for coming into my life, you make everything a little brighter. i love you) ↳ y/nstagram maxie 🥹 can't wait to celebrate you tonight ❤️
fan hi y/n!!! glad you felt comfortable enough to come off private! we're a nice bunch i promise! (at least most of us are) ♥️ y/nstagram ↳ fan also if anyone is mean to you i will do something that puts me on the national news 🫶
fan we've only seen glimpses of her on tv, max you bagged a baddie DAMN ♥️ maxverstappen1
fan mama y papa ↳ landonorris real ↳ oscarpiastri real
danielricciardo I'M IN !!! ↳ danielricciardo WAIT YOU WENT OFF PRIV??? y/n thats so mean wtf :(
alexandrasaintmleux mon couple préféré 💗 (my favourite couple) ↳ y/nstagram c'est grâce à toi alex, je t'aime 💕 (it's all thanks to you alex, love you)
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👤 y/nstagram liked by y/nstagram, landonorris and 1,386,297 others
maxverstappen1 an appreciation post for mijn liefje. being able to put up with me dragging her halfway across the world nearly every month so i can drive fast cars whilst studying for her degree. graduated top of her class (with an elective in dutch 😉). here's to you and to us. (oh and happy 11 months, i may love you a little bit) ❤️
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y/nstagram my boy ❤️ could't have done it without your support ↳ maxverstappen1 i know, i am an Amazing boyfriend 😉 ♥️ y/nstagram
landonorris congrats y/n! knew there had to be a big brain in that ol' noggin of yours ↳ y/nstagram thanks lan! maybe i can actually teach you some french now 🤓
fan taking a long walk off a very short bridge
redbullracing congratulations to the brains of the couple! hoped you liked the gifts 💙 ↳ y/nstagram a dutch for dummies book, you think you're so funny don't you 😐
fan the flowers 😭😭😭
fan doesn't post about his championship but posts about his girl... need me a man like that
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ew-selfish-art · 8 months
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DP x DC AU: Bruce is the one to invite Constantine over, and no, it's not to improve his tenuous working relationship with the asshole. It's the opposite of that.
---
Danny had become a frequent visitor of Wayne Manor in the last few months, and Bruce had to admit that while the kid was certainly a bit ominous for his liking for a partner to Tim, he was a generally kind and happy soul. They'd been dating for a lot longer than the Bats knew of- Kon had been the one to let it slip to Jon who told Damian and so on- and since the relationship was no longer secret, Tim brings him to family functions.
The thing about Danny is... He's dead. More than half of the time. Which again, is not Ideal for Bruce's wishes for Tim's future husband, but it also means that he reviles in being alive. Danny is downright joyous about using his time left on earth properly. He makes Tim eat real food, enjoy real sleep and generally live a more fulfilled life than he had been. The whole family noticed the changes in Tim, and it made them like Danny even more.
So after a particularly grueling day of dealing with Trigon and therefore the JLD's lack of coordination and sensible planning- Bruce gets the idea. John couldn't fucking contain himself admonishing Bruce, and perhaps it was vindictive, but Bruce figures that John should meet Danny. Sans context of course.
...
John is really over dealing with Batman's prissy, over complicated and perfectionist attitude. Come to the Cave he'd demanded, as though John didn't have a favorite bar to get back to, deal with a ghost he ordered like John didn't have other priorities than some random shade.
When walking into the space however, the second his teleportation portal closed, John knew something was deeply, deeply fucked. The shadows were growing longer, the second hand on his watch ticked slower, the air smelled of sulfur and... Red Robin was sitting working at the computer like nothing was wrong. But what was wrong, was the kid was marked by The End. Marked by The Infinite. FUCK.
John knew Death, the Endless, and knew she could pick favorites just like her siblings (Dream's immortal drinking buddy comes to mind). But this wasn't her work, this was something other.
"Mate- the Bat said there was a ghost?" John feels like he might throw up, the eerie atmosphere complicating what should have been a simple request.
"Uh, obviously." The kid didn't even look over from his screen or pause his typing.
John slowly approached, looking over each shoulder a few times, turning in a few circles as the shadows appeared to dance and echo within the cave. He could see his breath, the air became so cold so suddenly. And then, with the gentleness of a pin drop, a new agonizing sound appeared with a Kid walking down the cave stairs. The aura of the room turned dark, every cell in John's body screaming to run, that this was basically the little girl from the ring crawling through the TV as the young man walked down the steps.
"Babe, your grampa says that dinners going to be ready in a second. Oh, uh, hey dude." The creature speaks, turning his eyes to John for only a moment to study him. It feels equivalent to a butterfly being pinned by its wings.
"Y-y-you, you're, you're one of the Endless?" John stutters, his body reacting in fear despite the nonchalant posture of the Beast. The young man rolls his eyes.
"Nah, one of the Ancients but like uh, I'm new in town. And hon seriously don't be late, A made tiramisu for dessert and you're not allowed to have any if you're late and I don't want to deal with you pouting."
"You had me at Tiramisu!" Red stands up from his computer and then turns, "John, what are you doing here again?" Red Robin finally looks over at him, completely confused.
"Just leaving." John mutters, his eyes still trained on the ANCIENT.
---
Bruce could barely hide his laugh when Tim reported the Magician meeting Danny in the cave.
That'll show the asshole to question Batman's knowledge of the occult.
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lynnielovestlou · 7 months
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cowgirl w abby
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▹▹: country girl (shake it for me) -luke bryan
꩜ CW: country!abby , gentle!abby , fem! reader , words of encouragement , praise , slight crying , strap use (r!receiving) , pet names
꩜ synopsis: you and abby live on a farm :)
masterlist
☆—-------------------------------------------------------------—☆
"Easy, hun." Abby says, her tone smooth like honey as she guides your hips to situate on her strap. She's being painfully slow, not giving you the friction that you so desperately need. Every time you try to bounce or even sit on it, she grabs you by the hips and pulls you back up. "Don't wanna hurt you, darlin'."
You sigh audibly, loud enough for Abby to hear your frustration, "Please, Abby."
She gently hushes you, suppressing your whines with soft kisses on your lips. At this point, you had become so wet that you couldn't hold yourself up, even if you wanted to. Your thighs were glistening with your slick, practically begging Abby to fuck you as you keep slipping on it.
"Sh sh sh... I've got you." She coos, her thumbs tracing soft circle around your hips and waist, "So damn pretty."
You were starting to become so impatient and overstimulated that your eyes welled with tears. Abby notices almost instantly, stopping her movements completely. The tip of the strap rests right outside your entrance as Abby looks at you with the utmost concern, "What's wrong, cupcake? Did I hurt you?"
You shake your head, burying your face into the crook of her neck, "Pleeeeease, Abby." You whine, hugging your arms around her muscles like she's a big teddy bear. You clench around nothing, your body aching for her.
The top of her cowboy hat brushes up against your head. You could never get her to take that damn hat off, but you never minded. She practically eat, sleeps, and breathes in that hat, "Please what, honey?"
You sigh again, snatching the hat off her head and putting it on yourself, "Let me ride you like you ride your horses." Nobody knows where this random burst of confidence comes from, but Abby seems to like it.
She cocks an eyebrow, her lips spreading into a smirk, "You sure?" You've never been more sure of anything. You nod rapidly, holding onto her biceps, "You're going to tell me if it hurts, alright?" She says, her tone less of a question and more of an order.
"Okay, yeah, fine." You say, looking down into her lap as you straddle her thighs. She has her hold on yours, gently rubbing circles around as she situates the strap to be against your entrance again.
She inserts it into you, letting you adjust to the length before thrusting into you, slowly and sensually. She moans from the back of her throat, enjoying the way your tits move every time you bounce on the strap. You have one hand on Abby's shoulder, the other on the top of the hat as you slowly grind against her lap. Abby's hands cup your rear, giving it a squeeze and thus forcing a moan out of your lips.
"Fuck, you're so tight." She mumbles, still guiding you and helping you lift yourself up. You whine and whimper in response, sinking your teeth down on your bottom lip. She brushes her thumb over your lips, "Don't do that, baby. You'll hurt yourself."
You groan again, a familiar warmth developing in your tummy, "Ab—Abby.."
"I know, I know." She says, rolling her tongue over your nipple for extra stimulation, "Let go whenever you want, darlin'. I'm right here."
She keep going at your own pace, a cluster of moans coming out of your body as it trembles. You go slower the closer you get to reaching your high, being able to feel the toy touch your most sensitive spots. The way Abby's hands are caressing and massaging your breasts makes you lean into her, feeling her warmth as you breathe heavier.
She brings a thumb down to your crotch, rubbing on your clit. This gesture sends you over the edge, coming undone in her arms.
"There you go, baby. Feel good?" She coos, fucking you through your orgasm.
Once it's all done she can tell how exhausted you are, so she takes her hat off your head and tosses it aside, pulling out of you and laying you down on the bed behind y'all.
"You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" She says, peppering kisses all along your cheek.
"No, I'm good." You respond, panting like you had just run a marathon.
"You did so good, pretty girl. I'm gonna clean y' up now." She purrs, sending chills down your spine.
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miinatozakiii · 1 month
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killshot
im nayeon x fem!reader ; smut!! 
synopsis: your roommate is aware that you hate her and she likes irritating you but oh no she just now realizes you’re hot and wants you so bad
warnings: kinda porn w no plot ; smut!!! ; mentions of alcohol ; hate fucking(???) ; degradation kinda ; insulting each other as they fuck yesss ; face riding ; comp sci major!reader *shivers and shakes* ; fwb-ish but not really ; nayeon is umm lowk manipulative but only if you squint , maybe? ; not proofread as always
wc: 5.1k
a/n: computer science major slander (i'm jealous) and also i don’t like the pacing but oh well maybe u guys will (i'd be such a great writer if i weren’t lazy af... )
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with a groan, you lift yourself off the bed after hearing a loud thud. tiredly, you blindly reach for your phone and check for the time with squinted eyes: 1:04am. 
a low “fuck” leaves your lips while you struggle to sit up, still hearing the impact of bodies crashing against the walls and the faint sounds of a woman and man groaning through the bedroom door.  
nayeon is home. 
this is a bi-weekly occurrence; your roommate nayeon stumbles into the apartment all hot and heavy from the alcohol that was in her system, and then you can hear her getting all intimate—against your will—with some random person she’s found at the various clubs she cycles through. to be completely honest, you don’t care for her midnight rendezvous, just as long as they don’t bother you. 
however, this night she’s bothered you greatly; you’re fucking irritated. 
just when you had finally sought solace in the arms of sleep after hours of laboring over a project, your few minutes of rest are abruptly shattered by the intrusion of nayeon. —all drunk and insatiable—who’s barging into your room whilst some average guy latches onto her neck. he doesn’t look like he knows what he’s doing, but it doesn’t matter because nayeon’s senses are too fucked to really pay attention to that. 
“get the hell out of my room.” you yell angrily towards the two. to say you were annoyed would be an overwhelming understatement, you were furious. 
“ah—fuck, sorry y/n,” she responds, voice all airy and light whilst the man’s hand slides down to play with the edge of her dress. “wrong room baby, let’s go.” she says whilst pushing the man off her a bit, much to his dismay. 
they both leave the room, still attached to each other with their hands roaming and gripping at anything. to make matters even worse; they didn’t close the door behind them. 
“fucking whore.” you scoff, falling back down on your bed and groaning.  
im nayeon is an indescribable pain in your ass and unfortunately, she also happens to be your roommate. 
for the most part, you generally pride yourself on your composure and tolerance, but living with nayeon has truly put your patience to the test. she's irresponsible and unreliable, which regularly pushes you to your limits. you find yourself frustrated sharing an apartment with someone who’s always falling hort of your expectations. she's falling far from them, really, and it’s almost impressive. 
she has a knack for disappearing into the lurking in the apartment while you're away, often entertaining friends and leaving behind a mess in her wake. the audacity she possesses to neglect simple chores like doing the dishes or tidying up after herself borders on infuriating, you’re fighting the urge to bodyslam her into the mattress sometimes. it's as though she expects the cleaning fairy to magically swoop in and restore order while you're left to pick up the pieces of her irresponsibility, maybe she thinks you’re the fucking cleaning fairy. 
living with her was hell, you don’t even know how she managed to keep up with her courses and stay sane with how she lived her life. she was a pretentious, sassy little thorn stuck in your skin. 
but still, there are two things that keep you tethered to the apartment, even if it's a bit embarrassing to admit on factor. one: the rent is cheaper, and your shared living space is nice. two: nayeon’s fucking hot. 
the truth is: nayeon is the epitome of physical allure, the hottest person you've ever laid eyes on. as much as you resent her for her shortcomings, you find yourself unable to ignore the pull of her undeniable visuals, which whispers against the urge to pack your bags and leave.  
you despised the stupid allure of her face, the way her figure teased and tempted, and the fact that she held the power to have you on your knees if she poked you in the right ways. it grated on your nerves to know that you weren't the only one drawn to her; half the campus seemed to be either enamored with her, aspiring to be her, or eager to get into her pants. and she wielded her beauty like a weapon, using her "pretty privilege" to her advantage.  
the feeling you had towards her was bitter, but the attraction you had made things complicated. 
it was easy to mask your little attraction for your pretentious roommate with annoyed comments and irritated glares, but deep inside you wanted her in ways that you could never admit out loud. countless daydreams and very questionable thoughts about her invaded your mind at the worst times possible, espeically when she was near. 
your irritation mixed with attraction was mutual. nayeon felt the same way about you; what a match. 
at first, nayeon found herself irritated by your stuck-up demeanor and seemingly perfect self. your involvement in various extracurricular activities, dedication to your studies, and honestly majoring in computer science major as a whole contributed to her initial impression of you as someone who had it all together. it was a stark contrast to her own carefree attitude and laid-back approach to everything, which built friction between the two of you. 
(nayeon could never do all of that, study for hours and keep her shit together. and god, especially watching you type for two hours straight already made her head swirl. how does someone do that without losing their shit? she wonders if you’re okay) 
from nayeon's perspective, you were nothing more than a stuck-up bitch in her shared home, always fussing over cleanliness like a relentless clean freak. it striked a nerve every time you scolded her for leaving behind a couple of dishes or a few stray bottles of alcohol. if it bothered you so much, why not just pick up after yourself instead of constantly complaining? 
despite the irritation you stirred within her, nayeon couldn't deny the undeniable truth: you were actually pretty cute for a nerdy, uptight roommate. in fact, she'd even go as far as to admit that you were pretty hot. 
nayeon has seen the people in the computer science department, most of them are men who look like they’ve never spoken to a woman or gone outside for more than thirty minutes a day. you on the other hand were quite the sight, someone nayeon would describe as “eye candy.” 
and yeah, she kind of overlooked the fact that you were her type after you had yelled at her so much, but then there was this one little moment that changed her mind. maybe she could tolerate you more. 
(maybe nayeon had to put looks first in this case.) 
-- 
-- 
some thursday afternoon, while you typically would be found either buried in books at the library or enjoying the afternoon at a café, nayeon found herself in a predicament—she couldn't find one of her favorite t-shirts. with frustration growing, she decided to take matters into her own hands and went into your room to see if it had somehow ended up there, given that you were supposed to be out.  
to her surprise, she discovered that you were most definitely home, a fact that caught her completely off guard—especially when you’re home in your room, in the middle of taking your pants off. 
she barges into your room to see you with your shirt off and the fly of your pants down, revealing some of the logo of your victoria’s secret underwear. your cheeks flush a dark hue of red when you realize she’s invaded your privacy, and you quickly cover your chest—which, is already covered since you have a bra on, but god is this whole situation embarrassing.  
after you literally push her out the door—slamming it shut with embarrassment—nayeon stands outside the door with a newfound interest.  
nayeon couldn't fathom that someone who dedicated their sanity to lines of numbers and letters on a screen could look so good. there was something mesmerizing about the subtle groove tracing down your stomach, hinting at the definition of your abs, or the glimpse of your bicep as you hastily covered yourself and scolded her for intruding, maybe even the hint of muscle on your shoulders. whatever it was—all nayeon knew was that the little mishap of you not locking the door and giving her the chance see you like that piqued her interest without doubt. 
and after seeing you half naked? the image of you, with your shirt off and the hint of your physique tantalizingly on display? holy shit you had her fantasizing a little (a lot) more than she already had been; she needed some of her fantasies to come true.  
your roommate had already been attentive to your quick—and evident—glances on her body and her lips. she also noted the subtle bite of your lips when she swayed by, your eyes barely caught her, but she noticed it all. getting her fantasies to become a reality seemed easy enough—probably—and she was determined to make it all happen.  
she knew she already had you starting to wrap around her finger, just by those observations, so it should be easy enough to get you hot and heavy, right? 
“oh look who’s finally fucking awake.” you mutter, turning around to see the hungover, marked up woman emerging from the hall.  
nayeon rolls her eyes at you like always and simply responds, “oh shut up, don’t be a drag.” 
“i’m a drag? i’m not the one barging in at one in the morning the same night my roommate stays up to actually do their school shit. not only that, but that fucking guy—” 
“was a terrible kisser,” nayeon cuts you off, pinching the bridge of her nose. “i kicked him out so can you please just—” 
“no!” you scoff, surprising nayeon with this burst of anger. you’re much more irritated than usual, which is weird. nayeon suspects that it’s because she’s never accidentally stumbled into your room, and to be fair; this was kind of intentional.  
you see, nayeon thought that if she could make you a little jealous, it’d increase the chances of you intervening. just what she wanted. 
“i couldn’t fucking sleep and i have a really important assessment today.” 
“yeah yeah, move over i need some tea.” nayeon says tiredly. upon hearing her response, you clench your jaw tightly and lean against the marble counter, gripping it with one hand tightly to suppress your annoyance. 
your roommate looks at you and a laugh slips out accidentally. after hearing that, there's probably a vein visible on your forehead, maybe your neck—somewhere. 
that was your last straw. 
angrily, you lift yourself off the counter and swiftly advance towards nayeon, pinning her against the fridge with force. the impact reverberates through her as her back meets the cold surface, while you lean in closer, your eyes narrowing with intensity.  
now, this should not be turning nayeon on—she’s going to blame it on her hangover and whatnot, and maybe the fact that whoever that guy was and whatever he did didn’t really satitate her—but it does.  
with barely an inch of space separating you, your height advantage allows you to tilt your head down, locking eyes with nayeon with a glare. the tension crackles between you like a firework, it’s thick and palpable, your look shows restrained anger. despite how furious you look, there's an unexpected allure to you, drawing nayeon in even as she senses the little reprimanding you’ll give her. 
“don’t give me that fucking attitude nayeon. you’re fucking unbelievable, you’re a fucking slut, you know?” 
“yeah?” she says, a smirk tugging at her pretty, plump lips.  
you feel your body tense as soon as you start to take in the proximity of the two of you. gulping lightly, you move yourself away just an inch, but nayeon pauses you, pinching your collar. 
“oh don’t get so timid now, you were just fuming earlier pretty.” she laughs. “keep going. this is cute, i like this. what did you call me again?” 
as nayeon's eyes flicker from yours to your lips and back again, the tension between you is like pushing down on a spring, and it’s about to pop back up any moment. sensing an opportunity, nayeon skillfully navigates her way out of the looming scolding, her allure becoming a potent weapon against your mood. she begins to weave her charm, coaxing a reluctant softening in your expression. despite your initial anger, you find yourself drawn to her, you can’t let yourself slip up, not now, not when she’s the reason you might fail your assessment. 
“you’re— you’re so... fucking irritating…” you mumble the last part of your sentence, voice getting smaller. you push yourself away from her and shake your head, trying to conceal your blush. nayeon giggles before going back to making her tea, the tension in the air like an invisible weight pressing down on you, and this whole morning might just completely flatten you down from how distracting it’ll be the whole day. 
nayeon’s relieved, at least you’re not scolding her while she dips her chamomile bag in and out her little mug of hot water. 
the day is filled with the events of the morning, with you struggling to finish various lines of code because the feeling of nayeon toying with your collar lingers, and nayeon trying to force the thought of you finally snapping in her head. 
seems like the two of you are trying to avoid the same thought, despite how badly you two want it. 
it's palpable that there’s something in the air that needs to be swatted away, and nayeon knows you’re too much of a coward to really do anything about it, so she’ll figure somethign out.  
one thing about im nayeon: she always gets her way, no questions asked, no matter what it takes. 
nayeon finds you on the couch typing away later that night, probably doing some homework. 
nayeon plops down next to you, intending to tease and push you over the edge. you turn your head after feeling the cushions under you shift, immediately grimacing once you see your roommate. 
“what do you want?” 
“what, i can’t sit next to my roommate?” nayeon questions, “i’m just going to watch tv, if you don’t like it you can leave.”  
“whore.” you mutter under your breath, quiet enough so she doesn’t catch what you say.  
your roommate lounges lazily on the couch and rests her head against the armrest. as she reclined, her hair spilled over, framing her face like a halo. nayeon's gaze wandered lazily around the room before settling on the tv, and with a languid movement, she turned to lay fully, bending her legs so they didn't intrude into your personal space. 
your jaw tensed, a visceral reaction to the sight before you. the light from the tv in the dimmed room accentuated the allure of nayeon's figure. you couldn't help but steal a glance, your attention momentarily torn away from your screen by the annoyingly captivating vision in your periphery. 
casual sweatpants adorned her figure, the looseness of the bottoms from brandy allowing for comfort yet teasingly hinting at the eye-catching curves of her terribly alluring figure beneath. the fit of her tank top—cropped just enough to expose a sliver of her toned midriff—effortlessly made your gaze linger. the fabric clung to her silhouette in all the right places, revealing the subtle contours that sent a subtle jolt through the room and your veins. you completely forgot about pretending to be irritated in that brief trance. 
the tank top, snug against her skin, revealed a gentle dip of her collarbone, an enticing invitation that you took note of. the image staying in your head even as your attention returned to your screen. a flush settled on your cheeks as you tried to focus again. the ambiance of the room, however, remained penetrated with the downplayed sensuality that lingered in the air. you huff lowly. she's winning whatever game this is without even trying. 
after typing at your laptop for a bit, you hear the faint sound of people talking in the background. you look up from the screen and see some show playing, then turn to see nayeon’s head turned toward the tv.  
shaking your head, you redirect your attention back to the assignment in front of you; the task is quite easy, but it’s insanely tedious and for some strange reason nayeon’s presence isn’t helping you. 
nayeon shifts on the couch and sits upright against the cushion, you don’t bat an eye. your roommate is sick of you being academic, she’s bored and wants your attention. needs it, maybe. 
“when’s that due?”  
without turning your head, you respond, “next week.” 
“why do it now?” 
“why do you care?” your tone is impatient. “and besides, it’s better to get things done earlier.” 
“nerd.” nayeon sighs. she scoots over and peers at your screen, putting her hand down beside you to prop herself up and when she leans over, her boob smushes against your arm a little.  
you glare at her. “aren’t you usually out? it’s a friday night.” 
she shrugs. “didn’t feel like it.” and after she scans the screen one more time, she leans away (to your dismay) and continues on with whatever drama she had been watching.  
the thought of her boob being smushed against you lingers, embarassingly it’s almost tattooed in your mind for the next half an hour. 
when you finish your assignment, that’s when you let out a big, hefty breath and close your laptop.  
nayeon's annoyingly melodic giggle dances in the air as you sink into the plush couch, surrendering to its embrace that eases the pain in your shoulders. after savoring your few seconds of tranquility, your thoughts drift to the comfort awaiting you in your bedroom, your bed, peace and quiet, being enveloped by the blanket.  
as you start to stand up, a delicate yet firm grip clings to your forearm, delaying your departure. nayeon's touch, like a sirens call, invites you to linger, gently coaxing you to stay a little longer. 
she bats her eyelashes at you. “stay here.”  
you brows knit. “why would i stay with you?”  
“watching shows alone is boring, and i know your ass isn’t going anywhere tonight.” 
you groan in response and decide to give in—you might as well lounge on the couch for a bit—earning a smug smile from your roommate. she unpauses her show and you allow yourself to ease into the cushion, then watch with her (against your will), only to immediately tense up at the scene that unravels before your eyes. 
two girls appear on screen, and they’re kissing each other.  
they’re close, kissing, and then fifteen seconds pass and boom—they’re eating each other’s mouths sloppily, groaning and everything, tongue and all. you shift in your seat when you feel a weird pulse down at your core. 
“y/n,” nayeon starts, “have you ever even kissed someone?” 
“of course i have.” you respond, crossing your arms.  
nayeon turns her head in surprise and tilts her head. “seriously?” 
“yes, is it that surprising?” 
“well, you’re always cooped up in the house and whatnot… didn’t think you had any game.” 
“i hooked up with someone last month for your information. i'm not a homebody.” 
“yeah? sure, you did.” she laughs, shaking her head. you roll your eyes at her. 
“fuck you.” you mutter, keeping your eyes on the tv and watching the two girls undress each other. “do you always watch shit like this?” 
“why, does it turn you on or something?” nayeon asks, shifting closer to you. a lump forms in your throat. 
you shoot a quick glare at her and lie, “no.” 
nayeon laughs in amusement after pink dusts your cheeks. “you seem pretty flustered baby.” 
what the fuck? 
as you meet her gaze, a wave of surprise washes over you, mirroring the hunger that burns in her eyes. nayeon's laughter tumbles from her lips, enchanting and playful, as she places her hand delicately on the couch. leaning towards you, she ignites a spark that makes your heart skip a beat. feeling a sudden urge to be closer, you subtly shift in your seat, captivated by the exhilarating simplicity of the moment and giving into nayeon’s intentions. 
“i don’t believe you.” she says. 
“what?” 
“you’ve never kissed someone, hell, like you could even fuck someone.” 
“excuse me?” 
she just laughs at the mix of emotions coming from you; your cheeks are dusted pink, but your tone and expression displays that regular irritated look of yours. 
then she bites the corner of her lip, finally easing into the reason she even bothered you in the first place. she leans a little closer, lips hovering near your ear lobe, and giggles again. 
“how about you prove that you’ve fucked someone, hm?” nayeon suggests, raising her brows. “that you even can.” 
your breath trembles slightly, you’re stiff in your place. 
“if it’ll shut you up then... fine.” 
she clicks her tongue, then pulls away from your ear. now she’s looking at you with a shit eating grin, you want to wipe it off her face. 
the air stilled, your breath shook, and nayeon’s hand inches to your forearm. her other hand grabs the collar of your shirt, pulling you in and your lips meet in the middle. 
she tastes like cherry, well, her lip gloss does. 
your hand finds its way to the back of her neck, pushing her deeper into you so your lips can hungrily slide and suck and gosh, everything, all of the above, both a and c, you name it. 
the last thing you had on your mind for the friday night was kissing your roommate aggressively. initially, you were just going to finish the assignment and take a nap or something, but this? it’s much better than what you had planned originally. 
nayeon practically takes your breath away after simply kissing you, just the way your lips lock makes you greedy. you groan accidentally, embarassed until you have nayeon groaning into you too, even louder for that matter. 
you pull away for a brief moment, voice a little shaky and out of breath. “is this why you bothered me? are you that horny that you wanted me to fuck you?” 
“oh shut up, it’s not like you’re against it.” nayeon’s right, you’re not. not in the slightest. 
“fuck you” is uttered from your lips before you crash your lips against her again, taking the air from her lungs again. 
the kissing quickly escalates and your tongues are in each other’s mouths. you’re both unashamedly moaning and groaning into each other carelessly, it’s funny how quickly everything escalated within seconds, the boundaries between whatever you two had dissolved like sugar in boiling water. you shift yourselves over so that nayeon is under you, both your knees on either side of her legs. you reach over for the remote to pause the two girls who were mirroring the two of you—well, the two of you started going at it after they did so maybe it was the two of you mirroring them. 
each subsequent kiss felt as electrifying as the crackle of sparks dancing in a bonfire. the more nayeon deepened the kiss the more it drove you crazy, irrationally enough to continue kissing her and slip your hands under her shirt. 
nayeon sighs blissfully as you kiss down her neck, her fingers tangle with your hair while she claws at it aggressively, and still, the pain from her grabbing your hair only turns you on more. 
“fuck,” she groans when you suck on her neck, sinking her nails into your tricep. 
“slut.” you mutter, smirking against her. “so easy to rile up.” 
unashamedly, nayeon begs and begs for you until you’re biting down on her skin, repeatedly uttering your name until you’re leaving marks that’ll have her friends wondering who ruined her this time—and this time, it’s not some person she’s run into at the bar while tipsy. 
still, she could get drunk just off of you. 
you start to undress her, starting with her top and taking a moment to gaze at her undeniably alluring figure. strands of hair just barely stick to her forehead as she gazes at you breathlessly with eyes full of lust. she moves her slender fingers to work at the edge of your shirt, urging you to take that stupid t-shirt you have on off so she can get a sight of your surprisingly exciting figure. maybe she’ll get a better, longer view of what she had seen that night she walked in on you changing. 
“fuck, why have you been hiding this?” she mutters, sliding her hand down your side. “god you fucking bitch.” 
“if i didn’t you’d be all over me, you fucking horny mess.” you spit back harshly, but the way you moan when nayeon latches her lips onto your neck completely rids of that fake, irritated tone of yours.  
nayeon ends up on top of you in a matter of seconds, thenyou’re groping her ass shamelessly as you two devour each other’s mouths again. hands tug at whatever else covers your bodies until it’s just the two of you skin to skin. everything that had just happened in the span of ten minutes was for sure ten times better than whatever else had been going on in the movie. 
you can feel her grinding desperately against your thigh as you kiss her, feeling the moisture from her needy cunt that dampens your once-dry upper leg. you palm her breasts blindly and feel her gasp against you, and then nayeon forgets how to breath when you press your thigh up and against her, adding more stimulus. 
she moans frustratedly, the feeling of just your thigh against her throbbing pussy is far from what she needs. so, she’s putting her hand on the middle of your chest and pushing you down to lay flat on your back. she bites her lip blatantly before lifting her hips away from your skin. 
you furrow your brows in confusion and begin, “what are you—” 
“shut up,” she grunts, shoving one hand in your head and gripping your hair so rough that you whimper. she shifts over so that her pussy is directly above your mouth and orders: “just eat, bitch.” 
this is something you can’t argue with her about, and fuck you’re hungry.  
there’s a meal waiting for you that you’ve been craving, you can’t just lay there and starve. 
eagerly, you lift your head up a bit to meet the aching in between her legs; she’s so wet and you’re definitely teasing her about this later—but who knows how long it will take until it’s later. 
she moans louder than ever and it surprises the both of you, it only leaves you wanting more of her, wanting to hear her when she’s at her limit. your nails sink into the flesh of her thigh as you devour ravenously, taking note of what makes her twitch more and what earns lewder noises. what earns noises that turn you on more than ever. 
it doesn’t surprise you how shameless she is during sex—clearly, she isn’t ashamed of seducing her roommate—the way she rides your face so desperately gives you enough to know how she is. 
nayeon likes when you suck on her clit, she grips your hair tighter with each “pop” sound that’s made after you release the suction. she’s easy to read, her cunt is easy to adjust to. 
“fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” nayeon moans, leaning back little while she continues to ride, head tilted back and face almost parallel to the ceiling. “god-- fuck, oh my—shit, keep going,” 
you can see her tits from your view, nipples all perked up while you grip onto her thighs tighter, feeling her shake in your grasp.  
nayeon's like an alarm clock, ticking and ticking away until the alarm rings, her cry echoing through the room, hand gripping at your hair tighter than ever as her head falls back. you continue to savor her arousal even after she came, earning little whines and whispers of your name. 
“oh, y/n, just like that...”  
you're doing all the work now, which only helps with your aversion towards her, but still, you’ve made her moan, cry—all of the above, so at least there’s something to use against her. 
and then she lifts herself off of you, letting your head rest back against the seat of the couch so you can catch your breath.  
when she looks down, all she can make out through fuzzy vision and overwhelmed senses is the puff of your lips, hooded eyes, and fucked up hair; everything about the sight of you is a product of her desires, a fantasy that’s been lingering in her mind now come true. 
“slut,” you mutter, almost breathlessly. “you’re really loud, you know.”  
“fuck you.” 
“already did.” you retort, giggling. “let’s go for another.” 
“oh so now look who’s a horny mess.” nayeon responds, moving over to sit on your lap. 
you sit up, holding yourself up with your hands placed behind you. “you just never shut up, do you?” 
nayeon smiles before tracing her finger along your skin. “do you me want to?” 
you look at her amusingly before shifting positions so she’s laying down flat on her back, with you hovering above. the two of you kiss again, nayeon savoring a the traces of arousal off you, a muffled hum of delight vibrating against your locked lips. 
she pulls away, thumbing your nipple and making you groan surprisingly. you pull away to glare at her. 
nayeon laughs, “wow, you’re so--” 
you cut her off by shoving your ring and middle finger in her mouth, she almost gags, but the way she sucks obediently is enough to tell you that she’s enjoying this. 
“you just never shut up,”  
in response, she moans with your fingers still in your mouth, right before you pull them out, skin coated with her saliva. 
you bring your fingers down to her cunt, teasing her folds. 
“let’s change that.” 
630 notes · View notes
luveline · 10 months
Note
Lovely Jade maybe you could write something about Roan finding a kitten on the street and hiding it in her backpack
🧡.
thank you so much for your request! eddie and roan —roan's acting suspicious. you and eddie investigate. stepmom!reader, 1.5k.
Roan comes in through the front door with a sweet smile. Living in your cul-de-sac has meant you don't mind too much if she wants to go out to play alone, where before Eddie would insist on sitting on the porch of the trailer, worried someone would come barrelling down the road seventy miles an hour. 
"Hi, princess," you say, leaning down with your arms propped on the counter. You're putting the finishing touches on a drawing using the sunshine. Nothing special, just a sketch for fun. 
"Hey, mommy." 
You preen at the title. Being a stepmom is awesome, especially when she feels comfortable enough to call you mom. "Is it home time for Georgia?" 
"Yeah, she's gone home for dinner." 
"Are you hungry? Daddy's still at Uncle Gareth's, so I'm in charge of food."
You turn around when you get no answer, waving your pencil at an empty kitchen. "Roan?" 
"I'm coming back!" She shouts from the top of the stairs. 
You raise your eyebrows. "Okay!" you shout back. "I get to choose dinner, then? What's that, you want chicken pot pie?" You smile. Eddie loves chicken pot pie, especially when you make it. 
You put your sketchbook and pencil case on the kitchen table and spray down the countertops. The motions of cooking are well worn now; you know how to make every recipe for two and a half people. You wash your hands, grab the canned puff pastry, and get to work. 
Roan appears again as you're spreading a little bit of flour over the counter, running to the sink. She kicks her stepping stool to the counter and climbs up to wash her hands. She looks cagey.
"Anything I should know about?" you ask.
Roan squirts dish detergent into her palm, strawberry scented rivulets running between her little fingers before she's had time to rub it in. You set aside your rolling pin and pick up the soap to put a small dollop of it in her other hand.
"Say?" you ask, stroking her bedraggled hair away from her face. 
"Nothing for you to know about." 
You turn her head to yours, water spitting at your shirts as she washes her hands hurriedly. "Hey." You frown, gaze narrowing on a bloody scratch that's caught the bottom of her right cheek. "Aw, bubby, what happened?" 
"It doesn't hurt," Roan says flippantly. 
"You're gonna have to let me wipe it clean, still. Okay?" 
"Yeah, mommy. Whatever you want." 
You bite the inside of your bottom lip to tamp down an embarrassingly huge smile. "Okay. Good girl on the hand washing, you gonna help me make dinner, huh?" You kiss the top of her head. "I'm so lucky, my girl's so helpful." 
"Can I go get changed first?" she asks. 
"Yeah, bub. Want help?" 
"No!" she shouts hopping down off of stool. She'll probably have to wash her hands again when she returns, but you're too happy to care. She's gorgeous, she's a sweetheart, and she loves you like a mom. 
You turn back to the pastry and roll out the bottom of the pie. You'll refrigerate it while you make the chicken filling and the roux. Which one to make first? You might have done things in the wrong order. 
"Ro, are you almost done?" you shout, blinking back to attention. "Let me look at that scratch, babe!"
Arms around your waist. You thought you heard the door. 
"What scratch?" Eddie asks, dipping his face down to the juncture of your neck, where he plants a warm kiss. 
"On her cheek. I let her go out with Georgia, I hope that's okay. Only in our street." 
"That's okay," he assures you. He hugs you with kind arms, not squeezing like he tends to, completely and utterly loving. You can't hug him while your hands are covered in flour, leaning back instead to soak in all his affection. "What's the scratch from?" 
"Yet to be determined." 
Eddie hums and holds you. You cave in to dirtying him, painting his forearm with white fingerprints as you hug it to your ribs. You let your head flop back, tickled by his exhales where they kiss your neck. 
You and Eddie stand there in quiet bliss. Then, from upstairs, you hear a strange sound.
"Is Roan back in her cat phase?" 
Eddie tilts his head away from you. His hand retreats from your abdomen where it'd been resting, braced on your hips. "Ro…" He groans. "Not again." 
"Eddie?" 
He takes your hand. "She has a cat in her room." 
The meows become clearer the further Eddie leads you up the stairs. You wipe as much of the flour on your hands onto your pyjama pants as you can, but it's a mess. Eddie can't complain —how often does he get car grease on you? 
"Roan Ayla Munson," Eddie says through the closed door. "I better not find anything in there that I'm not supposed to."
You startle at the use of her middle name. You didn't even know Roan had a middle name until a couple of months ago; you always thought Eddie skipped giving her one. Apparently he thought Ayla was the same as Aella, an Amazonian fighter who wielded twin axes. Ayla, in contrast, means a few things. Bringer of light, in Finnish. Circle of light around the moon, in Turkish. Oak tree, in original Hebrew. You love all three definitions, but bringer of light feels most accurate. 
Bringer of cats might be more astute at the moment.
"I don't have anything, daddy!" 
Meow. 
"I think you're lying to me. Last chance, bubby." 
A vehement shushing noise, a meow, and a defeated sigh sound through the door. Weight hits the floor, footsteps creeping closer. You and Eddie wait in apparently very different moods for her to open the door. 
Roan holds a wriggling kitten in her small hands. She's wearing a nightgown over her sweatpants like she'd started changing and forgotten. Her arms are covered in red scratches. The kitten yowls when it sees you and Eddie, likely finding you both to be more intimidating than your poor girl.
"Oh, babe," you fret breathlessly, "Eddie, take the cat." 
"Dad–" Roan starts. 
"Look at your arms," he interrupts with a tandem worry, taking the kitten from her.
You pick Roan up with ease, careful not to touch her pale arms. She tries to explain herself as you carry her down the stairs, "I found her behind Old Man Michael's house, she looked so sad and you said we should be nice to everything we meet, even if we don't like the way they look," she says. 
"I meant about spiders and ants and stuff," Eddie says, holding the angry cat in front of his chest cautiously. "You know, we don't have to kill little creatures if we don't have to. I didn't mean you should kidnap kittens." 
"She looked hungry." 
You put Roan on the clean bit of counter between the stove and the sink and frown at her arms. "Sweetheart," you murmur sympathetically, "don't these hurt?" 
"Well, I…" 
You shoot Eddie a look. He stares the kitten in the eyes rather than meet your own, seemingly distracted. Fine, you'll try parent by yourself, even if you're no expert yet. 
"What?" you ask patiently. 
"I was hiding her in my backpack, but she didn't like it. She thinks it's too small." 
"I bet so." You're thinking, Eddie, what are we gonna do? And, Ouch, these are going to hurt. "Ro, is this how you got the scratch on your cheek? You're lucky he didn't scratch you in the eye." 
"I think he's a girl," Roan says. 
This is less important to you than the scratches, but you amend yourself anyways. "She could've blinded you." 
"I think you're in trouble, Ro. We already talked about this before, didn't we? No stray cats in the house," Eddie says.
"I already told you, dad! Rufus and Steve let themselves in, I didn't used to do that." 
You wash your hands swiftly and grab the first aid kit from under the sink, pulling out the blue disinfectant spray that Roan hates. She winces at the sight of it as you expected, pulling her arms against her tummy. 
"It won't hurt anymore than the scratches did when the kitten did them," you say gently.
Roan shakes her head. 
You put the disinfectant between her knees and lean in. "I'll make daddy make cookies, yeah? You be brave and let me clean your scratches and we'll have warm cookies and ice cream."
Eddie breaks out of his stare off, taken aback. "It's her own fault," he says, though he's smiling. 
"She was trying to do a good thing. And look at her little arms, Eds, hasn't she been punished enough?" you ask. 
The kitten kicks its legs weakly. "What the heck are we gonna do with her?" Eddie asks. 
"We could keep her," Roan says. 
"Don't push your luck, Roro." 
You lift the disinfectant spray. Roan seems apprehensive still, so you look her head on and wink. "I'll try my best," you whisper.
Roan holds out her arms with a grin.
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roosterforme · 1 year
Text
Right Girl, Wrong Time Part 8 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader
Summary: You fulfill your promise to visit both schools. You can't deny that Miami is beautiful and offers a lot of things you want. But San Diego has Bradley, and it's time for you to figure out where your priorities lie. During your trip to California, you reach out to a new friend to discuss your decision. 
Warnings: Fluff, swears, and angst
Length: 4500 words
Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader (former fuckboy college student Bradley)
This is a sequel to accompany my story Old Habits Die Hard (you'll want to read that one first)!
Check my profile for my masterlist
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Your flight touched down in Miami on a Monday morning in late July, and you couldn't get over how disgusting the weather was. Once you had your luggage, you made your way outside to get in line for a taxi, and you thought you were going to melt. Your lungs felt uncomfortable from the humidity, and it was blazing hot for so early in the day. 
You were completely stuck to the seat, and your taxi driver was weaving in and out of traffic. "How much further?" you asked him cautiously, but he was already making a turn toward an absolutely beautiful campus. You peeled yourself off of the seat and braced yourself as you opened the door to the wall of humidity once again. 
When you made your way to meet the dean of students with your suitcase and sweaty clothing, you wished you had decided to visit during the winter. And now you had to sit through several meetings thinking about the fact that you hated this weather, perhaps even more than the Chicago winters. 
If you were too cold, you could always snuggle up to Bradley. 
And then there he was. Again. Right at the front of your mind. You promised him you'd take him out of the equation of which job was the right one for you, but you just didn't know if you could do it. 
"Is that correct?" The dean of students was talking to you, and you had no idea what she was saying. She would literally be your supervisor's boss if you took the job here, and you were busy daydreaming about Bradley.
You pushed some of your sweaty hair out of your face. "Uh, could you repeat that, please?"
When you finally got the conversation back on track, you left with a schedule for the next three days. You'd be meeting dozens of people, sitting in on a calculus lecture, looking at curriculum, and taking tours.
You learned pretty quickly that the best time to go out was late at night. You also learned that the Cuban food trucks made some of the most delicious things you had ever tasted. You went out to dinner with some of the deans, and you toured what could become your future office. 
It was all very nice, and luckily heavily air conditioned. There was nothing wrong with any of it. But you weren't convinced it was actually right. Until you took yourself on a tour of the library and found the study rooms. They were sterile, with harsh fluorescent lighting. And the doors had windows and didn't lock. You laughed and took a few pictures, including a selfie of you frowning. You'd send them to Bradley when he got back. 
On your last day in Miami, you stopped at a coffee shop before doing some sightseeing. You opted for an iced coffee to try to fight away some of the heat, but even in a sundress, it felt horrible outside. You were just pulling the fabric away from your tattoos when you bumped into the person behind you.
"I'm so sorry," you told him, holding your hands up in surrender. "I'm not used to the heat."
He smiled at you. "You're not from Miami."
You shook your head. "No. And I actually think my blood got too thick after living in Chicago? Is that a thing?  Are you from Miami?" You eyed him up and down. He was handsome, and his clothes looked pristine, like he was somehow magically avoiding sweating to death. 
"Born and raised. And never left," he confirmed. Even his smile was charming. "You're up," he nodded with his chin, letting you know it was your turn to order. 
"Oh, thanks," you mumbled, reaching for your wallet as you ordered an iced coffee. But he insisted on paying for your drink along with his, leaning slightly against your shoulder as he handed his credit card to the barista.
You turned to thank him once again, and his face was close to yours. As you opened your mouth, his eyes darted down to your lips. 
"Do you want to get dinner with me tonight?" he asked, leaving you just staring at him for a beat. 
"Wow," you laughed, startled that he was already asking you out. "Thank you, but no," you said, shaking your head, thoughts of Bradley filling you up and making you warm.
He just nodded once. "You're not wearing a ring. Are you seeing someone?"
You took your iced coffee from the barista and said, "Something like that."
"Well, you don't sound so sure," he replied, grabbing his drink and following you to the door. "We could just go out as friends."
"Friends?" you asked with a laugh. "You don't even know my name."
"You could tell me," he said, his tone hopeful now. 
But you just shook your head and told him, "I have an early flight tomorrow. But thanks anyway." You made your way outside as he called after you, but you didn't look back.
The next morning you flew back to Virginia for a few days, before continuing on to San Diego. 
-------------------------
Bradley could only spend so many hours per day working out. And when he wasn't flying a mission or eating a meal, he was usually looking at pictures of you on his phone. 
He had texted you almost nonstop when he first boarded the aircraft carrier in the port in San Diego, finally calling you to hear your voice one more time before he was out of range of phone service. He kept replaying the way you said 'I love you, Beer Boy. Be safe.' before you ended the call. 
You had texted him a few newer photos of yourself. Nothing crazy, but he still felt his entire body stir every time he looked at them. Which was frequently. 
And when he had to take matters into his own hands, he thought about that UVA study room, and how fucking happy you made him feel. He thought about your tiny office and your bedroom. He thought about how it felt to have you wash his hair. 
He could not stop thinking about you. He tried, but it didn't work. The fact that he hadn't imagined that perfect weekend with you was almost too much to bear. Now that he'd had you in his life again, he couldn't go without.
Bradley assumed you had visited both schools by now, and he was almost hoping he didn't get another chance to have a facetime call. Because he would try to use it on you. And he was terrified you were going to break his heart again, something he could better brace himself to handle from the comfort of his own home. He would call you then.
--------------------
San Diego had a lot of things going for it, primarily the weather. You seemed to be able to go outside in the middle of the day in August without nearly passing out here. Miami definitely lost points for that one. 
You also liked the beaches better. They were a little more rustic and not as crowded. Everything moved at a bit of a slower pace, and you thought you could get used to that. 
But your office space would be smaller, and the labs were not as updated. The salary was also a bit lower. You had called Veronica a few times, trying to sort through all of your feelings and expectations. 
And you honestly tried your best to remove Bradley from the equation, just like he had asked you to. But when you did that, it was almost an even split. Neither school seemed to be able to pull through and clench the top spot. 
As you paced up and down the windswept San Diego beach at sunset, you just felt like crying. You were afraid of disappointing yourself, but you were even more afraid of making the wrong decision where Bradley was concerned. 
You knew what you wanted to do, but you didn't know how well he was going to take the news when he was back on land again. But you swiped away your tears and checked the time on your phone. You needed to go meet up with someone very important. 
---------------------
Bradley was up and pacing in his khaki uniform, and it wasn't even light outside yet. He thought he could barely see land in the distance from the observation lounge, but maybe that was just his mind playing tricks on him. He wanted to get back, needed to be able to talk to you.
It had been six weeks. And it had felt almost as painful to him as the previous ten years without you. Because all of his memories were fresher now, a little more crisp around the edges. Your voice had faded in his mind, but was never quite forgotten. But now he could hear everything so clearly. 
He wondered if you were still in Virginia. Maybe you would let him come see you again for a weekend, prolong the pain and suffering if necessary. It would be worth it to be with you again, even if you left him after that to go to Miami.
"Come on," he muttered, checking his phone to see if he had service yet. He needed to make sure Nat remembered to pick him up, but then he would plan the rest of his day around whenever you were available to talk to him.
There was no way his eyes were playing tricks now. He shielded the sun from his face with his hand and squinted, and he could definitely see land. He'd be on the dock in an hour tops, and now he was starting to feel very anxious. So he jogged out onto the walkway to get some fresh air, but even that barely helped. 
Suddenly his phone started vibrating with dozens of messages and alerts, letting him know he finally had phone reception. So he called Nat with a pounding heart. 
"Rooster!" she greeted when she answered after one ring. "Are you docked already? I haven't left my house yet."
"No," he said, his voice a little shaky. "Getting there, but not quite yet. Less than an hour."
"Okay, I'll leave soon. And before you ask, yes I started your dumb Bronco for you once a week."
That got him to laugh. "Thanks."
But he could always count on Nat to know exactly what was going on with him. "Are you going to call her soon and see what she's doing?"
He cleared his throat a few times. "You know, I thought I could wait until I got home and got settled. But I think I need to call her now, Nat. I'm a mess."
"I know," she replied softly. "I understand that you need to know what's going on. Just give her the benefit of the doubt, okay? Hear her out and don't judge her decision?"
Bradley raked his fingers through his hair. "I could never judge her, Nat. I just can't stop thinking about her."
"You thought about her the whole time?"
He sighed and turned away from the early morning sunlight. "The whole time."
"Oh, Bradley. Those ten years did nothing, did they?"
"No. Nothing."
Nat hummed through the phone before saying, "I'll see you soon."
Bradley paced the length of the carrier, grasping his phone in his hand. It would be late morning in Virgina. He could call you now. But if you crushed him on the spot, he would definitely prefer to be at home while he cried and drank himself into a state of forgetfulness. 
If you told him you were going to Miami, but you still wanted him, he would somehow make it work. But if you told him you were going to Miami and that he wasn't going to fit in your life, he was going to have to do all of the things he really didn't want to do. Delete all the photos of you. Delete your phone number. Try to move on for good.
Because it felt like a blessing that he ran into you again last month, but he knew there would never be a third chance for him. 
"Fuck," he grunted, unable to wait another minute. He pulled up your contact in his phone and looked at the recent picture of you before tapping the screen
One ring. Two. Three. Four.
"Bradley?"
"Sugar," he gasped, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. 
"Hi! Are you back in San Diego now?" you asked, your voice impossibly soothing even though he knew it could break him.
"Almost," he replied, wishing he didn't have to talk over the sound of your soft breaths instead of just listening. "I can see the dock now."
"You're still on the aircraft carrier?" you asked.
"Yeah, Sugar. I couldn't wait another minute to call you." He took a deep breath. "Did you visit both schools?"
You paused for a beat. "Of course I did. I promised you I would."
He squeezed his eyes shut and asked, "How did you like Miami?"
"It was great," you told him, and his heart sank. "The offer is incredible. They have the most state of the art lab facilities I have seen since Chicago. And the offices are huge."
Bradley was cradling his forehead in his hand, thinking about getting dumped by you in his fraternity house. Thinking about how that didn't hurt as much as this potentially could.
He forced out the words. "And if you pick Miami, where does that leave us, Sugar?"
"Bradley? I'm actually meeting up with someone shortly here. Can I call you back later?"
His heart was pounding, and he let out a little laugh, because he knew he'd let you get away with this kind of shit forever. Which was why he would have to stop himself. "Yeah."
"Great, I'll talk to you soon. And Bradley?"
"Yeah, Sugar?"
"I love you."
You ended the call before he could respond. He didn't know what to think as he slowly made his way back to his bunk to gather his things together. He waited in line to deboard the carrier, and once he was on the dock, he heard Nat yelling his name.
"God, you're loud," Bradley told her, scooping her up into a tight hug. "I could hear you a mile away." He felt a little bit better now as she rubbed his back and let him hug her. 
"In spite of all of your flaws, I missed you," she told Bradley with a smile, leading the way toward her car. Bradley grumbled a bit, shifting around trash and food wrappers before he could even climb in.
"This is disgusting," he said, nearly gagging as something sticky met his arm. But the terror that was the interior of his best friend's car took his mind off of you for a moment. 
"That's just because you're a neat freak."
"I always have been," he agreed, "but this is next level, Nat. So gross."
As she pulled out into traffic, Bradley turned the radio on and listened to Nat tell him about work. 
"What else did you get up to while I was gone?" he asked, rubbing his hands along his face. 
"Oh, well I met up with a new friend I made on Instagram."
"Instagram?" he asked. "Really?"
"Yeah, she's new to the area," Nat said, giving him side eye. "I actually really think you guys would get along. I could introduce you?"
He turned to face her as she waited at a traffic light. "Nat. Come on. You know I'm waiting on Sugar." Saying the words out loud brought back his bout of nerves, and he kicked some trash out of the way so he could stretch his legs out.
"I know. It was just an idea," she said, zipping down the street once again. 
"I called her," he admitted. "But we didn't talk much. She said she'd call me back."
"Really?" Nat asked, looking alarmed. "Do you know where she was?"
"Not sure. Probably Virginia, unless she already moved to Miami."
"Maybe she's out looking at apartments?" Nat asked, turning onto Bradley's street.
He didn't even want to fucking think about that. He pictured some soulless highrise in Miami, and he couldn't even imagine you there. Not after your cute little cottage with the crumbling front step. "Maybe," he mumbled, suddenly anxious to get inside his house and be alone. 
Nat pulled her car in his driveway behind the Bronco; he loved that thing, and it couldn't even bring a smile to his face right now. "Thanks for the ride, Nat. I'd invite you in for some coffee, but I'm just not feeling up to it."
"No problem," she said, rubbing his shoulder with her small hand. "Why don't you call me later when you feel like it? Maybe we can get dinner or go to the Hard Deck?"
He sighed, popping the passenger door open. "Maybe." 
When he started to climb out, Nat said, "Oh, Bradley. Almost forgot. I left something sweet inside for you. I hope you don't mind."
He just gave her a thumbs up, because if she went grocery shopping for him or left him something to eat, that was more than okay with him. He closed the door and waved to her, digging his house key out of the side pocket of his duffle as he walked up to his porch.
But then he froze. There was a bright yellow post-it note stuck to the middle of his pristine, white front door. He had even painted his door white for a reason, and he never wanted anything marring it. Except maybe for this. 
He climbed the steps, tossing his duffle aside, and reached for the note.
BEER BOY
I love you
With shaky fingers, Bradley shoved his key into the lock and wrenched the door open.
------------------------
You had been immensely enjoying your dinner with Natasha. Once the two of you had connected on Instagram while Bradley was away, you made plans to meet her in person while you were looking at San Diego State. And now you fully understood why she was Bradley's best friend.
"I feel like I already knew you!" Nat said with a bright smile over drinks and dessert. "Is that weird? That this doesn't feel like I'm meeting a stranger?"
"No, it's not weird," you agreed with a laugh. 
"Bradley has told me so much about you over the last decade. I know more about you than I do any of his other more recent girlfriends, and I'd actually met them in person," she indulged over a glass of wine and some cheesecake. "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you that." She winced at you.
You took a deep breath. "Here, I'll make us even. I got a tattoo in honor of Bradley after I moved to Chicago."
Nat just rolled her eyes. "I already knew that. He told me over facetime like three weeks ago."
You buried your face in your hands as she chuckled. Then you groaned. "I know which school I want to pick. But I think Bradley is going to have a hard time coming to terms with it."
Nat's eyes went wide. "What does that mean?"
"Well...." you began, pausing to collect your thoughts. "If I tell him I picked the University of Miami, I'm afraid I'll break his heart, and mine. Again. But, if I tell him I picked San Diego State, he's going to act all high and mighty, and tell me I shouldn't be making this decision for him."
Nat set her empty wine glass down a little hard. "You know, you're absolutely right! But he's just going to have to get the fuck over it! I know he loves you, and he would be so happy to be with you. So if you want to move to San Diego, don't let him try to stop you."
You both looked at each other before bursting into laughter. "He's making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be!" you groaned.
"He's the worst," she said, nodding in agreement. "But also the best."
"Yeah, he really is," you agreed with a small smile, really missing him right now. "Well, this was so much fun, but it's getting late." You noticed it looked like your waiter was hoping you'd vacate the table soon so he could leave.
"I hope you do pick San Diego. We could hang out," Nat said, setting down some cash on the table. 
"Oh, didn't I make it clear? I'm definitely picking San Diego."
Nat actually squealed and ran around the small table to hug you. You let yourself relax into her embrace. "I'm so happy for Bradley," she muttered, releasing you with a huge smile.
"When he's being a noble pain in my ass about it, I'm calling you for help. But for now, I'm going to head back to my hotel room."
Nat grinned at that. "Why don't you just stay at his house? I have a spare key."
Your eyes went a little wide. "Without him there? You don't think he would mind?"
"No. I think he would love that." 
And so you ended up staying at Bradley's house for three nights. It was just as surreal as running into him at the bar had been! His house was spotless, just like you expected it to be. But when Nat gave you a little tour, you were shocked to see so many familiar things. The spare bedroom had a framed Grateful Dead concert poster that you remember from his bedroom at the Beta house. And his office was complete with a solid wood desk and his dad's Navy desk lamp.
But after Nat left you on your own, it became increasingly difficult not to be nosy. On the morning he was due to arrive back home, you were running your fingers along his bookshelves, and you came in contact with something familiar. You pulled down your old, purple notebook from your differential equations class. 
"Oh my goodness," you gasped, flipping through the pages. Because along with your old math notes, you saw little doodles and messages in the margins that matched Bradley's handwriting. You closed your eyes, and you could perfectly picture the way you used to sit on his lap in the study room while he messed around with your notes. He had written your name surrounded by a bunch of little hearts. You saw where he had written Beer Boy and Sugar with some cute little stick figures, and you laughed. 
He had been moving around all over the world, and bringing this notebook with him everywhere. Your eyes filled with tears, and the desire to be with him was so strong. 
And then he was calling you. You were so nervous to see him, and you didn't want to get into your decision over the phone, so you tried to throw him off. 
"Bradley? I'm actually meeting up with someone shortly here. Can I call you back later?"
He sounded so dejected, so you made sure you told him you loved him before ending the call. Then you made his bed and quickly tried to tidy up his house. You fixed your hair and makeup, but he still wasn't back yet. Nat had sent you a quick text as soon as she saw him on the dock, but that had been quite a while ago. 
You were pacing the length of his living room now, terrified that he would be annoyed that you'd spent a few days here. Then you heard a car in the driveway and peeked out through the window to see Nat's dirty car. 
"Oh god," you whispered, finally getting to see Bradley after six weeks. He looked so handsome, and you had missed him so much. You scrambled back to the middle of the room when you saw him walk up the porch steps, a look of shock on his face.
The sound of the key in the lock and the way he swung the white door open wide had you chewing on your lip. 
"Sugar?" he asked, standing in his entryway and gaping at you. 
"Hi, Beer Boy," was all you could manage to say as your heart pounded in your ears. But he looked so stunned, you felt yourself start to smile. 
He took a few steps closer to you. "What are you doing here, baby?"
You felt like you could melt inside. Just the sight of him in his uniform had you aching. He was gorgeous, and you loved him so much. You took a step closer as well. 
"I was actually wondering if it was okay if I had my boxes shipped here? I don't have an office for another week or so, and I'm still looking at apartments."
He was running one hand through his hair, making it stand on end, and his mouth was open, but no words were coming out. 
"Unless...you don't want me to?" you whispered, watching him slowly close the distance between the two of you until he was standing barely a foot away.
"Please, Sugar. Please tell me what that means."
You swallowed hard, looking up at him. You gently ran your hands up to rest on his chest. "I'm picking San Diego. I'm picking you. I'm picking us. If that's still what you want, too?"
A strangled sound escaped his lips, and then his mouth was on yours and you were in his arms. He kissed you deeply as your arms gripped his shoulders, and he held you tight. 
"You mean that?" he asked between kisses, nibbling at your lips, barely giving you a chance to answer as he deepened the kiss. Just as you were relaxing into his embrace, he pulled his lips from yours. "You really mean it, Sugar?"
"I really mean it, Beer Boy."
He closed his eyes and ran one hand over his face, sighing deeply. But he still held you snug against him. Then he opened his eyes and gazed down at you. 
"I've been dreaming about this for ten years," he whispered, brown eyes soft. "I love you."
"I love you, too," you replied with a smile.
He nodded, and you ran your fingers along his mustache, making him smile. "You can send all your stuff here, Sugar." He kissed your fingers. "You should move in with me. Don't leave or look at more apartments. Stay here."
It felt right. You knew it did. Just like San Diego State felt like the place for you. "Okay. I'll stay."
He licked his lips and kissed your forehead twice, pulling you impossibly closer to him. "And be my girlfriend again?" he whispered against your hair.
You smiled and buried your face against the collar of his uniform shirt. "You were the best boyfriend I ever had. You can have the title again."
"I love you," he whispered, over and over until his lips found yours again. 
-----------------------
It feels soooo good! But, only two more parts to this story! Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls
PART 9
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Text
Guide: Inspiration, Motivation, and Passion
Anonymous asked: I have time to write and TONS of ideas in my notes. I want them to eventually be final drafts... but in this moment I just don't care about them. Does that make sense? I wish I did, but I'm disconnected. Is normal? Do all writers/authors struggle to connect with and feel passion for their stories/characters, but they write anyway and it comes eventually? Or do they not write unless those feelings are in place already? Forget making readers care about my protagonist. How do I care about them? Could my chance to write already be over? Also Audhd btw :) Thank you for all your advice ❤️
(Ask edited for length)
Inspiration, motivation, and passion are all things that can wax and wane for writers, but they do have to be there in some combination at some point if you want to write. If you consistently lack any of them, there's definitely something going on that's worth addressing. So, let's look at each component individually to get a better idea of what they are and how they ultimately work together to help you write.
Inspiration is the collection of sparks that ignite story. In other words: ideas. All those ideas you have in your notes--you wrote them down because they excited you when they popped into your head. Something about those ideas intrigued you enough to write them down and want to explore them later. And the thing that makes you want to explore them later is almost always a question... some sort of "what if" that you need to answer for yourself.
Motivation is the "why" that makes you want to take those ideas and turn them into stories. It's the answers to the following questions: why I write, why I want to answer this question for myself, why I want to tell this story, why I want to explore these themes, why I think this character's story is worth telling, why I want to say the thing I'm trying to say with this story.
Passion is the fire that drives us through the process of turning the ideas into a finished story. It's love for the characters, world, and plot. It's love for all the things motivating you to tell this story. It's love for words and imagery and process. It's love for the act of writing and for being a writer.
Again, all of the above need to be present in some form and combination at some point in order for you to actually complete a story, but these things can all wax and wane during not just one story's writing process, but during different periods in your life. They can also exist on a spectrum that's different for each writer, each project, or different periods of time. BUT... if you never have any inspiration, motivation, or passion for writing... or if you have inspiration initially, but lose interest and have no motivation or passion, writing is going to be really difficult.
Lack of Inspiration - Inspiration is the lifeblood of writing. If you don't have ideas, you can't write. Ideas come from experiencing the world around us. As we live life, observe our fellow humans, learn about history and the universe, and speculate about the unknown, ideas start to occur to us. Whereas a non-writer might think, "That documentary about the future of space travel was neat," a writer might think, "I'm intrigued by the idea of generation ships. I wonder what would happen if a generation ship landed on the wrong planet?" That question is what gets you to the next level... the "why" that motivates you to take this further than a mere moment of curiosity. So, if you're lacking that, there's a very good chance it's because you're not absorbing enough from the world around you. Perhaps your experiences aren't varied enough, you're not observing your fellow humans, and aren't learning about history or the universe, or speculating about the unknown. In which case, my post: Guide: Filling Your Creative Well can help you get into that mode.
Lack of Motivation - Motivation in particular can come and go as you work on a story, but it has to be there at the beginning or you never get started. The answer to "why I want to write" is especially important, because one thing that happens sometimes is people try to get into writing for the wrong reasons. They don't get into it because they have ideas for stories they want to tell, and themes they want to explore, and things they want to say. They get into it because it sounds like fun, because "everyone's doing it," or because it's unique, noteworthy, and--they think--a path to notoriety and/or wealth. But without the need to tell stories, those things aren't enough to make those ideas come or transform them into something more than an idea. But something else that can ruin motivation, and often does for those who do want to tell stories: physical and mental well being. If you don't feel good physically or mentally... if you're busy, tired, distracted, depressed, low on energy, in a bad mood, dealing with chronic pain, under the weather, etc., those things can definitely zap your motivation, even if you really want to tell stories. See these posts for help on that: Writing with Chronic Illness, Writing and Depression.
Lack of Passion - Our fiery love for the characters, setting, story, themes, tropes, questions, etc... that's the thing that most commonly wanes (and sometimes disappears) for writers during the writing process. If it's not there at the beginning, though... if you never feel a fiery love for your characters and their stories... you haven't hit upon the right ideas yet, and you need to keep looking until you find something that really sings to you. But if that passion is there at the beginning and disappears, there can be a number of reasons for that. Physical and mental well being, definitely. Exhaustion, boredom, and any of the things we refer to as "writer's block." These posts can help with finding the problem and reigniting the passion: 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes, Guide: How to Rekindle Your Motivation to Write, Getting Excited About Your Story Again, Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists
I hope something here will work for you and help you move forward. But just remember: It’s Never Too Late to Become a Writer. If you're just not feeling it right now, that doesn't mean you won't in a month, in a year, in five years. There are famous, well-celebrated authors who didn't start writing until they were beyond their 50s or 60s. So, don't stress about it if it seems like writing just isn't for you right now. Maybe you'll come back around to it eventually, or maybe you'll decide that you're more of a story consumer than a story creator, which is okay, too. ♥
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matan4il · 6 months
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Hello. Can I ask why everybody is calling Israel a "colonial" state? Because it annoys me very much when I see that for three main reasons:
1. My country was a former member of the British colonial rule. Do you know what happens when a country gets colonised? Every bit of the wealth generated went to the Crown, every political decision had to be approved by the Crown, laborers were exploited as much as possible, my people were directly under the orders from a British Monarch who actively hated them. The economy was in shambles after we got independence. As far as I know, since the state of Israel was created, it does not answer to any foreign country (the UN is not a country). How is this a European 'colony'?
2. Most(All?) people who immigrated to Israel were refugees. If Jewish people living in Europe did not have any ties to the land of Israel and were completely 100% European, why were most of them killed horrifically during the Holocaust for not being the right race? Why does nobody talk about the expulsion of Jews from the surrounding Arab countries? Where should these people go?
3. People also seem to forget that governments can be stupid. Just because they are the ruling party does not mean they're capable of making sound decisions for their people. Even a non-colonial government makes bad decisions. If you can separate Trump from the rest of the US, why can't you do the same for Israel?
I do not want to reduce the suffering of the Palestinian civilians. However using the wrong terminology is not the way to help these people. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm really tired of this 'colonizer' takes.
(I hope I made my point clear as English is not my first language?)
Hi, lovely Nonnie!
Please, your English is great! I would have never guessed you're not a native speaker. :D
And you are absolutely right about every single point. Also, my heart goes out to you! I'm so sorry that your people have also suffered due to colonialism. I'm sending you BIG hugs!
Colonialism is what destroyed my people. After our homeland was repeatedly colonized, the Roman colonizers went even further than previous regimes, and expelled most of our ancestors from this land (a small Jewish minority wasn't, and that's why there has been a documented continuous Jewish presence in Israel for over 3,000 years). The expelled Jews became a spread out minority in other countries. With such small numbers in each country, it was easy to vilify us, we were vulnerable to every attack, with hardly anyone defending us, and no real option to defend ourselves. The Holocaust happening to us is directly linked to this way that we were forced to exist for almost 2,000 years in the diaspora.
Meanwhile, our land continued to be repeatedly colonized by different regimes. Each one did exactly as you said, exploited our country for their own benefit. The Ottomans, as just one example, cut off so many trees to build the Hejaz railway (which connected today's Syria to today's Saudi Arabia for the purpose of Muslim pilgrimage to the Saudi mosques), that the Land of Israel went through a desertification process. When Jews started returning in substantial numbers (because in small ones, there were always individual Jews who tried returning to our ancestral land), we did exactly what native populations try to do, restore the land, through continued research and development, to its pre-colonized state.
That's on top of the fact that, as you mentioned, we don't answer to or serve any European (or western) country. Colonies serve a metropole, but there is none for Israel. It's just our country. It's just the place where we live, even when it's incredibly difficult, because it's our ancestral homeland, which we've returned to, after our ancestors prayed for that for almost 2,000 years.
You're also spot on about the fact, that Jews were always discriminated against and persecuted in every country in the diaspora (with a few exceptions in South East Asia, the most important one being India). We were treated that way precisely because there was a historic recollection that we are foreigners. That we were south west Asians, living as a minority in countries that never truly wanted us, like Norway, or Spain, or Morocco. That's why it was so easy to kill us in the Holocaust. That's why it was so easy to expel us from Arab countries. Because we were never truly accepted by the locals.
But even after expulsions and surviving the Holocaust, there are so many places in the world Jews could have turned to! Places where there would be less resistance to us forming a country. Yet, the overwhelming majority of Jews rejected such suggestions. If they hadn't, then we would have truly been colonizers. But that's not what we yearned for. We always dreamed of returning to our homeland, so eventually it became evident to everyone that there's only one real option for a Jewish state, and that is in the Jewish ancestral land.
The reason why people claim that Jews are colonizers of their own land (some deny all historic ties Jews have to Israel, despite every piece of evidence to the contrary, while others acknowledge the Jewish history of Israel and the continued Jewish presence there, but claim that it's been so long ago, it doesn't count anymore. I've never seen any other native group being told that there's a time limit on their native rights. Have you?) is because it allows a narrative that once again vilifies Jews.
When the worst thing Jews could have been was of an evil religion, they described us as evil in religious terms (accusing us of having killed Jesus, and accusing us of using the blood of non-Jewish kids to bake a special kind of bread meant for religious purpose). When the worst thing Jews could have been was of an evil race, they described us as evil in racial terms (describing us as being sub-human, and accusing us of wanting to take over the world, to destroy it for the rest of the human race). Now that de-colonization is such a powerful (rightfully so) narrative, the worst thing Jews can be is evil colonizers... So guess what we're suddenly described as? Evil colonizers, who plot, steal, abuse and genocide another population (when in reality we consented to coexist with it 76 years ago).
I hope that sort of answers it? Basically, it's the newest form of the same age old antisemitism. Find the worst thing Jews can currently be, and depict them as that.
Thank you for seeing past the vilification! It means a lot. I'm sending you lots of love! xoxox
(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)
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murkycran · 14 days
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Radiostatic/Voxal Fic Rec List
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Welcome to my Radiostatic/Voxal Fic Rec List! ^_^ This will include romantic, platonic, and/or queerplatonic Radiostatic fics (and admittedly probably a couple of Radiosilence fics, too).
I will keep updating this periodically as I read more fics, so feel free to check back every once and a while! I'll reblog it when I update it, plus make a note with the date at the top. Trust me, this is by no means a complete list; there's fics I still want to add to this that I just haven't gotten to yet. I just decided to go ahead and post it anyways, because if I kept waiting until I ran out of fics to rec I'd probably be working on this forever.
These are not in any particular order; I'm going by both my Bookmarks list on AO3 and my memory of fics I forgot to bookmark. I also tried to make notes on what fics were written before season 1 released, but I might have missed some, so keep that in mind.
Please let me know if any links don't work or are wrong!
✨Before you proceed:✨ read the tags on these fics if you decide to read them. Many of them have heavy material - no surprise given the fandom, but still, felt like this needed said. On that note, there's also fics with explicit material and some fics are straight up PWP. Again, read at your own risk/heed the tags.
Fic Rec List Masterpost
Staticmoth Fic Rec List
Misc. Vox Fic Rec List
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Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch
Summary: Alastor comes across an unconscious and battered Vox while out on one of his strolls. He feels compelled to bring him back to the hotel.
Notes: 98% of this fic was written before season 1 was released, so keep that in mind, because there's obviously going to be inconsistencies with canon. It's nearly finished (at least according to the author's notes in the latest chapters, I think). I suggest pacing yourself with this one - it's nearly 700k words long. I ruined a good sleep schedule staying up to get through it. (So worth it though.) There are quite a few OCs in later chapters, but they're such good OCs. You fall in love with them just as much as the canon characters, I swear. I would die for Verity and the Trio.
Let's Misbehave by joosymango
Summary: Alastor wins a bet against Vox, now his rival must stop pestering him for two weeks. It should be a pleasant break! So why does he miss the idiot?
Notes: Vaguely inspired by Aspiring_Forest_Witch's Radio Healed the Video Star. Also largely written before season 1 release. First fic I read for the HH fandom. ^_^
Safe with Me Series by rillo (rillyrillo)
Summary: Having only ever set his sights on men who treat women with odious disrespect, Alastor never thought he'd take interest in Vox's turbulent relationship with his fiancé and business partner, Valentino. He decides to lend a helping hand in the hopes of getting Vox out of his sticky situation. After all, what are childhood enemies for?
Unfortunately, neither Alastor nor Vox could've predicted the rollercoaster of unsaid emotions and future horrors that are thrown their way. Will they be able to rely on each other and get by unscathed? Or will destiny have other plans for these two?
[HUMAN AU] [There's art included for the human designs]
Notes: It's so, so good. ;-; Heed the tags. There's a prequel consisting of oneshots, plus a sequel (listed below, bc I can't not put it here)! And there's ART! So much art!
You, My Everything by rillo (rillyrillo)
Summary: Some say that love can conquer all, even in Hell.
Vox begged to differ, and he was damn well sure Alastor did too – or at least he would be, if Alastor hadn’t become one big question mark.
Sequel to Safe with Me.
Notes: Only read if you've read Safe With Me!!! Still pretty early in the story but so good. ;-; The angst, I swear...
You're on the Air by rillo (rillyrillo)
Summary: A series of short, daily conversations between a radio host and his avid listener, as the two learn more about each other’s lives over the air. Set in the late 90s/early 2000s.
Notes: Same author as Safe with Me, but not set in the same universe! This one is set up in a literal radio show format; almost entirely dialogue-centric.
Of Candied Pine and Cherried Smoke by rillo (rillyrillo)
Summary: Inspired by x_Arcticfox_x’s fanfiction: Blue Raspberries And Cherry Cola
After overdosing on them one too many times to curb the steadily weakening suppressants, Vox's body rejects them outright. Now with his scent getting stronger, he finds himself struggling to hide his true status as an Omega. In his desperation, he seeks help from the one person that knows his secret: Alastor.
Notes: Omegaverse. Same author as Safe with Me series and You're on the Air!
Blue Raspberries And Cherry Cola by x_Arcticfox_x
Summary: Vox is an omega, that's his biggest secret.
During his life time he hid this fact using suppressants, and counited to in death. One day he runs out of pills and his supplier is out of stock for the time being so Vox is forced to submit to the torture of going through heat for the first time in decades.
Too bad his business partner only see's omega's as mere object's...
But hey, at least Angel found him just in time, right?
Notes: Omegaverse. Currently on hold, but has 14 chapters currently available for reading. :)
Once Bitten, Twice Shy by The_Penny_Tails
Summary: Alastor decides that it's time to claim what is rightfully his, consequences be damned.
Notes: It's not porn but it might as well have been for how fucking intense this scene was. 😳
Dripping Pink by The_Penny_Tails
Summary: Just before an Overlord meeting, Alastor gets infected by an off-market, highly potent, and incredibly dangerous love potion. Nobody realises until it's too late.
Notes: Simultaneously funny as fuck and erotic as all hell. I suffered from so much secondhand embarrassment on Vox's behalf. It's wonderful. :D
Lucidity's Fog by The_Penny_Tails
Summary: Ever since he met Alastor, Vox has been having raunchy dreams about the deer. Those dreams suddenly stop when Alastor disappears. For seven years, he's free of the guilt, of the shame brought on by his unconscious desire.
Until Alastor comes back, and Vox is plagued by a new dream the same day he finds out about the news. This time, however, something is distinctively different about how the deer is acting.
Notes: Author tagged for light angst, but ngl the ending did not feel like 'light' angst to me lol. Hurt in a good way.
Finger Tips and Dotted Lips by The_Penny_Tails
Summary: Alastor has sensitive hands; he finds this out at the most inconvenient time possible. Unfortunately, Vox is the one who ends up paying the price for it.
Having to help a seemingly broken Overlord whilst navigating this new discovery proves to be a little more taxing than the Radio Demon could ever have imagined.
Notes: Alastor is such a troll in this omg.
Thawing Out by Seaside_Dreaming
Summary: Seeing a small crack in Vox's screen nags at Alastor more than he likes to admit.
Vox wishes things were better. Sooner or later, Alastor has to come to terms with the fact he has feelings, in general.
Notes: Written before season 1 release. HIGHLY suggest reading the prequel one-shot. It's not necessary to understand the plot here, but you should read it anyway.
Static by passthevoxcord
Summary: Vox creates a new and improved version of himself to please Val, only to be replaced by it. He is left beaten and broken with no one to turn to . . . except maybe his oldest enemy, Alastor.
Notes: Written before season 1 release.
Hating you feels so good by TwoBitJester
Summary: Vox obsesses over his returned enemy and finds himself a little too wound up
Notes: Very good PWP.
Laced Over Dinner by hazbinhearts
Summary: Vox is persuaded to dress a little differently over dinner for Alastor, but finds it remarkably uncomfortable as the night goes on. Written for VoxWeek21 Day 3: dressing up [appearance, formal, dance].
Notes: Written before season 1 release. Corsets. 😳
Observer by DeviousPossum
Summary: He moved the cursor to click off, when he suddenly heard a very recognizable static laced tone.
Alastor.
Alastor.
What the fuck. Alastor is singing.
Vox unintentionally ran claw marks across his desk, an increasingly common habit for him as of late. He grimaced at his now ruined table and unsuccessfully tried to reel in an inexplicable feeling that could only be described as jealousy.
Notes: Porn with a tiny bit of plot in the first chapter. :3
RadioTV Week 2021 Series by Heliosolar
Summary: Pretty much the title; various prompts.
Notes: Written before season 1 release. All worth reading, though they aren't connected.
Sharkblocking by Anonymous
Summary: Alastor is Vox’s number one rival. Incidentally, though nobody involved is aware of it, Alastor’s number one rival is actually Vox’s pet shark.
In which Alastor is actually a little obsessed back and Vark is the biggest obstacle to Radiostatic short of canon itself.
Notes: VARK!
Control + V by TooManyPsuedonyms
Summary: Vox and Alastor have a... thing. Not quite a relationship, but something. Vox is too scared to define it properly, and Alastor is dead set that Vox will eventually get bored of his lack of reciprocity and move on.
So, Valentino tries to show Vox what he is missing.
... too bad Vox didn't want him like that. ... too bad Alastor didn't know want is a vague word.
Notes: Heed the tags!!! There's currently a sequel; I haven't read it yet, but I definitely plan to. 👀
gift of the magi by vol_ctrl
Summary: "... Although husband and wife are now left with gifts that neither one can use, they realize how far they are willing to go to show their love for each other, and how priceless their love really is ..."
Alastor/Vox established relationship fluff.
Notes: Written before season 1 release. Very sweet. ^_^
the lost tape by vol_ctrl
Summary: There's a NEW ambitious media demon in Pentagram City. You never get a second chance to make a first impression, right?
Notes: Written before season 1 release.
12 Days of Yuletide by vol_ctrl
Summary: A parody of the 12 Days of Christmas traditional tune, as can only be done by Vox gifting to his beloved adversary.
Or, a series of letters from the desk of Alastor upon receiving a series of increasingly elaborate gifts from his insufferably modern foil during the holiday season.
Notes: Written before season 1 release.
Fear makes the heart grow fonder by Graysongirl
Summary: After a bit of inspiration from an unlikely source Vox comes up with the plan that scaring Alastor is the best route to gaining his affections. The haunted house at LuLu World seems like the perfect (safe) environment for a bit of pre-planned scaring...
[Stand-alone staticradio]
Notes: Written before season 1 release. Funny af. "Red! Red!" XD
Cordyceps, King of Ants by spappest
Summary: Vox is tired. Of Valentino. Of Velvette. Of Alastor, and Hell, and everything in between. He can't escape, but he can cut himself off, piece by piece, until he feels nothing at all. Alastor takes exception to this approach and commissions a certain princess of Hell to fix his foe. Now Vox has a hotel of misfits on one side of him, overlords on the other, and Alastor crushing his cage ever smaller.
Clearly, the only way Vox will get any peace and quiet is to just kill God.
Valentino did always tell him that he had no chill.
Notes: Started before season 1 was released. Technically features Staticmoth but it's not the focus as much as Radiostatic (which honestly has a relationship status of ??? not romantic but also not friendship or even strictly enemies...just...Alastor and Vox). O_O I think about this fic on a daily basis.
Russian Roulette by spappest
Summary: Vox and Alastor play a game that Vox is way too excited to lose.
Notes: Started before season 1 release. Take note!!! I'm putting this on the Radiostatic list because it's almost entirely centered on Alastor and Vox's dynamic, but the romantic relationship is Staticmoth. The Staticmoth is just not featured very much.
Vox and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Afterlife by spappest
Summary: Alastor goes into rut.
Vox has a bad time. Then a good time. Then a very bad time. Then a brief vacation. Then a confusing time.
Notes: Background Staticmoth, but Radiostatic is most prominent. Funny af. Alastor and Vox have...a very special relationship. Lol.
Killer Ex by FanGirl48
Summary: Alastor was a serial killer who valued his privacy. So when someone who claims to know what he is tries to barge into his life he can't let them live, his secret must be protected at all cost.
A normally easy task easy task becomes complicated when Alastor's ex-boyfriend is dragged into the whole thing forcing the serial killer to go visit them for the first time in seven years.
Notes: Human AU. Love me some possessive Alastor. <3
Negotiations by FanGirl48
Summary: Vox had no interest in attending a meeting between Heaven and Hell following the failed attack by the Adam and his Exterminators. Alastor's little gremlin caused the mess, so he can go clean it up. Vox had nothing wanted nothing to do with the radio demon, king of hell or heaven.
But that was before Lucifer made the media overlord aware of Valentino's little job offer to his daughter.
Damnit Valentino!
Notes: "And they were roommates!" "Oh my god they were roommates"
Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast
Summary: Vox dies. Surprisingly no one takes this well.
Or, Vox dies and Alastor tries to drag his soul back from Purgatory.
Notes: Another fic I think about daily... Heavy themes. Heed the tags.
Hold Me Like a Grudge by Rachello344
Summary: Alastor has spent a long time running from Vox. Vox has chased after him almost as long. When suppressants fail throughout the city, they finally collide.
Notes: Omegaverse. Fun fact about this author: all their Radiostatic fic titles are from Fall Out Boy lyrics lol. (I fucking love FOB sue me.) I haven't yet read all of Rachello344's Radiostatic fics, BUT I have them all on my To Read list because I've loved everything I've read of theirs so far lol.
What Makes You So Special? by Rachello344
Summary: With Lucifer’s return to the Pride Ring, the other Deadly Sins were bound to take notice. When Asmodeus stops by the Pride Ring to visit the Morningstars, the Vees are able to make a deal to host a pop-up shop of the incredibly popular Lust Ring establishment, Ozzie’s, bringing it to the Pride Ring for the first time.
When Vox and Alastor both attend the restaurant’s opening night, long repressed sparks fly, forever changing their relationship.
Notes: Because of the pacing of this (sex first romance later), I feel like this is the Radiostatic equivalent of Femalefonzie's Freak-A-Zoid (a really good Staticmoth fic). This is hands down one of the most romantic Radiostatic fics I've read. ^_^
Hold Me Tight (or Don't) by Rachello344
Summary: Alastor and Vox finally come to an understanding, both of each other and of what they each mean to the other. Their relationship evolves accordingly, one concession at a time, until they both get everything they could possibly want: power, companionship, and even love.
Notes: So, so good.
Keep You Like an Oath by Rachello344
Summary: Alastor normally wouldn’t bother with the chore—breaking into V Tower was quite a lot of work, even for him—but he found himself curious about what Vox and his little friends might be working on. Especially since whatever it was had Angel concerned enough to report back to the rest of the hotel about it.
Of course, before he can learn anything, he’ll need to sneak past Vox’s watchful eye…
Notes: God it's just...so good. Read it. Radiostatic reconciliation. One thing I love about Rachello344 writing Radiostatic is Alastor's terms of endearment for Vox. ^_^
To Be Yours by pinegreenapples
Summary: Alastor hears something he hasn't heard in years. He decides to investigate why now, of all times, this frequency has turned back on. Vox is not amused.
Notes: Hurt no comfort. Hurts so good, though. ;-;
oleanders in june by spoondrifts
Summary: It seems like while Alastor was off preying on the self-destructive addictions of desperate sinners, Vox was off getting himself beaten half to death, probably from spouting belligerent nonsense at someone with violent tendencies and a far lower threshold for disrespect than Alastor. Not everyone finds poor Vox’s chatter as charming as he does.
If Vox is unconscious, then Vox is not being entertaining, and Alastor came here to have fun, not play nursemaid.
Or: Drunk on power and itching to cause some mayhem, Alastor hunts down the only person in the city who's always up for anything. Unfortunately, he finds Vox... not exactly in tip-top shape. No matter; he can work with that too.
Notes: ^_^ Very sweet.
equilibrium by curtailed
Summary: Post-Finale. The Hotel finds Alastor right on the front lawn, unconscious and bleeding, still injured from Adam's blade. While he recovers, all of Hell scrambles to find out who his mysterious rescuer is.
Meanwhile, Vox tries not to freak out that he might have accidentally made a soul bond to save that deer asshole's life. All he had wanted to do was to scope out the ruins of Alastor's radio tower. Fuck him for being curious, he supposed.
Notes: This fic has me in a CHOKEHOLD. I love the characterizations so, so much. Manages to fit in humor alongside the angst. One of the best fight scenes I've ever seen put into words. Curtailed really took Vox and Alastor as characters and planned out a cool fucking fight scene using their unique abilities. I automatically love anything tagged with "one fell first but the other fell harder" lol.
candlelight by curtailed
Summary: Despite the #SirRepentious success, Heaven remains skeptical of a sinner's ability to change. Logic gets lost somewhere, and really, what's a better way to show sinners can be marginally less horrible than to stick two Overlords who hate each other in the same living space?
OR
Alastor and Vox play house.
Notes: The comedy of Alastor and Vox being forced to be civil with each other and then unintentionally becoming very domestic together. Lol
wallow by curtailed
Summary: A 2+1 fic. Two times when Alastor and Vox were in a love triangle (hard quote on love, hard quote on triangle), and the one time Alastor had Vox to himself.
Notes: Only 1 (very good) chapter so far, but safe to say pretty heavy already. Heed the tags.
Addicted by Dancingdog
Summary: After the latest argument with Valentino, Vox finds himself at the Hazbin Hotel. An injured Alastor is less-than-pleased to see him, which is understandable considering they are enemies.
But as more and more of Valentino's venom leaves his system, Vox begins to remember his days before V-Tower and he learns exactly why Alastor rejected his offer all those decades ago.
His memories return in fits and spurts - not all of them good. His past with Alastor isn't something he expected and it turns out that he isn't the only one suffering.
Notes: Dude. This fic hurt me. Such good angst.
Radio Made the Video Star Series by songofhell
Summary: Snippets of Vox and Alastor's afterlife, and their journey from strangers to friends to enemies to... something more.
Notes: Pretty much what the series summary says - a series of installments that chronicle the beginning and subsequent evolution of Alastor and Vox's relationship. Very good, has tons of possessive!Alastor, which I die for.
Uneasy by Saezs
Summary: “Something’s wrong with Voxy.”
Velvette’s eyes snapped to the tall moth pimp. “And?” she prompted with a raised eyebrow. As if she needed to deal with two piss babies this close to a show. Valentino shrugged, tapping away on his phone, and walked away to stand threateningly close to her new models. Before she could snap at him, she saw it; his wings were twitching. Barely noticeable to strangers, just under the hum of the building’s lights, he was squeaking with each tap of his fingers. She felt unease and a healthy dose of aggravation swirl in her stomach.
Or: Vox was roofied and sexually assaulted. Velvette tries to be better than her mother. Unexpected connections are formed.
Notes: Heed the tags! Features genderfluid Vox. :)
Five Times Vox and Alastor Danced and One Time They Didn't by Drowsy_Salamander
Summary: “I say, good fellow, what are you doing on the ground like that?”
The voice was perky, cheerful, and bright. It had a crisp mid-Atlantic accent, the kind Vox remembered being all the rage for stage and film performers back when he first entered the broadcast industry. The diction was crystal clear with every sound enunciated separately to maximise clarity, the consonants clicked and the vowels were broad. It was a performer’s voice.
A voice for radio.
Oh shit.
... Five times Vox and Alastor danced and one time Vox and Alastor didn't.
From their first meeting through their friendship, to their enmity and fighting. From infatuation to yearning to animosity. Dancing is a partnership, is it not?
Notes: Each chapter so far has been a different type of dance, which is really neat. Especially chapter 2. ^_^ That said, there's a feeling of impending doom, knowing what happens to their relationship eventually... Not saying that as a deterrent but just a comment on how I felt while reading it lol. It's very sweet, which is why it hurts to think of future chapters. 🙃
Days Long Past by Momo52
Summary: All sinners of hell bore some physical marks of how they lived and died. Some physical manifestations were more obvious while others were subtle. Vox was not an exception to this rule.
While his television head was an obvious indication of his life while on Earth, the mark he bore from his death was far more subdued. Luckily enough, his shame was easily concealed behind a high collar. Unfortunately, he is just as well known in his afterlife as he was in his life. As such, trying to make everyone believe that he is so much stronger than what his death implies is a constant battle. He only wished that he wasn’t the hardest one to convince.
Notes: I think platonic Radiostatic is the endgame here. Still pretty early in the story, but I'm really liking this author's depiction of Vox and Alastor's pasts. Heed the tags. There are heavy subjects such as suicide (very big theme for Vox's pov) and period-typical racism (in Alastor's past) present in the story.
Remote Access by x-UsoTsuki-x (its_not_reael)
Summary: In the aftermath of Alastor and Vox's electrifying on-air showdown, Vox finds himself unusually rattled. His usual suave demeanor is slipping, much to his cohorts' amusement – and concern. Velvet can do little more than roll her eyes at his antics. Valentino, on the other hand, is convinced that all Vox needs to do is get fucked and relax.
or, alternatively...
The tech-savvy overlord manages to snag a virus from a porn site and finds himself in the arms of his worst enemy.
Notes: Fairly certain this is firmly Radiosilence based on the tags (and the direction of the story so far). Very funny, very hot. Vox is pathetic in this one. Lol
Nun-thing Like You've Ever Seen Series by A_Cypress_Coffin
Summary: Alastor, the feared radio demon with more blood on his hands than most of hell combined, wasn't always as we imagine him. There was a time where instead of a dapper suit and smile he donned a simple vow and habit. That didn't last of course, but the journey is quite something.
Notes: This author has a great sense of humor, lmao. I enjoyed the unique headcanons for Alastor's backstory. The tag that hooked me: "Accidentally becoming a better person through bad domming and found family".
Empathia by The_Oblivious_Swallow
Summary: Creating new technology is boring, sex is physically unappealing, the other Vee’s are so annoying, annoying, annoying! Even Vark, his baby, his pride and joy, doesn’t stir the same joy in his heart like he should.
So, Vox had concluded that it had to go. For his sake.
Notes: Contains Staticmoth, but Radiostatic seems like the endgame (I write this as there is one chapter still left). Really interesting idea. I love Vox.exe so much. ;-;
Every Madman Has His Vice by phantasm_png (chibellero)
Summary: “What the fuck do you want, Alastor? Was it not enough to kill me all those years ago? Now, you had to go for the people I loved and the only things I had left in this fucking Hellhole?”
“It was my fault,” Alastor whispers as he approaches Vox slowly, as if he was some sort of wounded animal he didn’t want to scare off. His prey. “Vox, I’m sorry. If I had a chance to redo that night, I would never have hurt you to this extent. I’ll never harm you again.”
“That’s seven years too fucking late, Alastor.”
OR: Seven years ago, instead of Alastor disappearing, it was Vox who left instead.
Notes: I’m so fucking here for this AU. Possessive Alastor, Vox helping with the hotel, Husk is still an Overlord, yessss
Metathesiophobia (Fear of Change) by phantasm_png (chibellero)
Summary: There's a lot that can change in seven years.
But never once had Alastor expected for something like this from his old rival and older friend.
Or, Alastor and Vox start to rekindle their old friendship again after a shocking discovery strikes the deer demon.
Notes: QPR Radiostatic with MtF Vox! Contains a smidge of Staticmoth, but it's in the background and not the focus. Very well written.
surimi and venison by phantasm_png (chibellero)
Summary: A series of short drabbles (500+ words) in an interconnected universe (peep the tags, they're still in hell), centering around Alastor and his new pet fish... shark... television thing. Will (hopefully) update 1-2 times a week. Written as my attempt at a Mermay series.
Notes: Like the summary says, Mermay prompts featuring SharkHybrid!Vox, along with Alastor, who literally saw Vox and decided to make him his pet. Lol.
an arm and a leg, my dear, les yeux d'la tête by phantasm_png (chibellero)
Summary: “I mean, usually when Val gets mad he gets like, super pissy too an’ starts destroyin’ shit ‘round the set and in his clubs, but like, usually Vox can calm him down. Problem is, where the Hell is that guy? I haven’t seen ‘im round the Tower for like, a month or two now. That ain’t normal.”
“What, so you mean he just up and left?”
“No, but like… he hasn’t been seen ‘in public’ for like, two months now. It’s startin’ to get suspicious. Like, I ‘unno if I’m just paranoid or something, but… Vox is like, the fuckin’ face of Hell’s Entertainment District. When he’s not round for a bit, that’s nothing to worry about on its own… but when he’s not round for a bit an’ Val and Velvette are creeping around, looking for his rival…? I mean… the dots are connecting. If Al did something…”
“If Vox was dead, we would know.” OR: Two months ago, Vox went missing. Right now, it seems as if Alastor has something to hide.
Notes: Vox gets attic-wifed and wears a virgin killer sweater. ^_^
we'll go down together in the ashes of our love by phantasm_png (chibellero)
Summary: Glimpses into the Radio Demon's life as he reluctantly navigates parenthood with his co-parenting partner and the demon princess hoisted onto him by the King and Queen of Hell.
Loosely inspired by Spy X Family.
Notes: CUTE! I love domestic Radiostatic.
What Has Been by Tianren
Summary: Vox has never known peace. From being the son of a egocentric cult leader, to being the boyfriend of a self absorbed abuser. Vox has managed to build a pretty sad life for himself. The only spot of sunshine that had ever blessed his existence was when he met an amateur true crime investigative journalist, with a podcast named, Alastor. The man was his only source of unfiltered news and contact to the world outside his father’s compound. But after Vox finally escaped the cult he waited for Alastor. Waited weeks in their assigned meeting spot just to be forgotten. Vox was convinced he’d stopped waiting for Alastor years ago until he meets the man again seven years later at a hotel. What will reconnecting with his past lead to and will it help him escape the hell he’s built for himself?
Takes place in the late 2000s early 2010s
Trigger warning for religious trauma and abuse as major themes of this story. Will add more warnings if they arise as I go on.
Notes: Really interesting human AU concept!
(Fic rec list to be continued)
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papercupids · 1 year
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living w svt; headcanons ('97 line version)
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pairing -> minghao x reader, mingyu x reader, seokmin x reader.
warnings -> being sick in hao's part, mentions of alcohol and being drunk in seokmin's.
word count -> 1533 words.
a/n -> mingyu's part has me so weak in my heart n knees but also seokmin's <3333 let me know if yall want a 96/95 line version!
-> read the maknae line version here! -> read the '96 line version here!
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☆ minghao.
it was afternoon already and no matter how many times you planned to wake up on a reasonable time on the weekend, it never really happened. but then you couldn't get yourself to be very harsh about it to yourself or minghao, after all these were the days that you would really get to be together and to relax.
he was still sleeping when you woke up and deciding to make something, stepped inside the kitchen. you did feel kind of odd but it only got focused on when minghao came up behind you.
he had his arms around from the back, "we should go back to sleep,"
"we need to eat, hao,"
"wait, wait," his voice suddenly sounded much more awake than before, he came beside you and asked you to face him.
"why do you feel so warm?" he touched your arm, and then neck and then finally your forehead. "are you kidding me? you have a fever, go back to bed, i'll make you something,"
"i don't think-"
"hush, i don't even know how you managed to be sick, god, you’re so irresponsible, i need to make chicken soup now. and why are you still standing there? go to bed. you’re lucky tomorrow is a sunday. sleep it off."
he keeps on muttering, he acts like a complete asian mother when it comes to you being sick. and true to his words, he comes in a while later with a bowl of chicken soup in his hands and as you sip on it, he checks your temperature again.
"we need a wet cloth,"
so after you’re done with the soup, he wets a towel and puts it to your head.
"how do you feel?"
"a little headache,"
"okay, okay, here's what we're going to do, you’re going to close your eyes and i'm going to call you when the dinner's ready, you’re not getting up before that unless it's to use the bathroom, okay?"
"yes, sir,"
he brings a bottle of water and keeps it on the bedside table.
"keep drinking this until you fall asleep, okay?"
you nod your head.
you didn’t think it was that big of a fever, maybe a routine one that wasn't that serious but minghao's strict mom mode has turned on and you were sure your efforts of trying to tell him that this was nothing would be met with him shutting you up, so you lay in bed.
as he leaves to make you dinner, you call out his name.
"hao,"
"what's wrong, baby?"
"can't you just order something? please stay with me,"
his eyes soften and he sits beside you on the bed, he strokes your face gently, it's not as warm as it was before. and he removes the towel and bows down to kiss your forehead.
"i love you,"
☆ mingyu.
"five more minutes, baby, jus' five more,"
mingyu's arm is wrapped around you entirely, and you have no choice but to oblige. as five minutes pass (you're not consciously looking at the clock, but you’re just nervous) you call out to him again.
"mingyu? baby? five minutes are up," you can't turn your head due to the close proximity and the grip that he has on you but you guess that he's asleep.
"mingyu, we need to go, your parents are going to be waiting for us,”
“I think it’s okay if we delay it to next week, it’s not everyday we get to sleep in like this,”
“Mmhm, while that is true, we made a commitment and we need to follow through on it,”
In between your bickering, your phone rings, and you push out from mingyu’s arms to reach it, and get up, clear your throat.
“It’s your mother,”
“Why is she calling you not me-” you sit down on the bed.
“Sh, yes, we’re about to come there,” mingyu tries getting up to listen in, but you keep on pushing him away.
“Oh, is that so?”
He looks at you confused.
“No worries, it’s alright,”
“Yes, yes, we don’t mind at all,”
“He’s doing good, he’s in the bath right now,” to which mingyu lets out a laugh, you were a little too good at this.
And he wondered how better you would be.
He thought about the ring. The one in his work bag a few steps way but he put away his thoughts as he asked you what his mother said.
“She said your dad got them both tickets for a movie today and we’d have to cancel the lunch, he forgot we had it scheduled,”
His happiness knew no bounds, “come back to bed now, please, babe,”
“Ugh, fine, you have me,”
As you snuggle into bed again, it gets quiet, mingyu has suddenly become quiet.
“Mingyu, everything okay?”
Mingyu turns to your side, his expressions suddenly serious.
“Why are you looking at me?” you laugh because you don’t have a clue what he’s doing.
“Say i ask you to marry me, what would be your answer?”
And you weren’t laughing anymore, “don’t joke about this mingyu,”
His voice drops to almost a whisper and you see it in his eyes, “i’m not joking, i would never joke about it,”
You lean into him and place a kiss on his forehead, “yes, yes i would,”
“Really?” his face lights up. “You’re not just saying that right?”
“You just said it yourself, why would i joke about it?”
“Well, wait then,” he gets out of the comforter and runs outside the room, to his study room, and comes back, his hands behind his back.
“Mingyu, oh my god, you didn’t,”
“Oh, but i did,”
You’re on the verge of tearing up when he slowly brings his hands to the front and gets down on his knee. This is how you execute a perfect proposal - intimate, spontaneous, and comfortable.
“I love you,” you whisper as he slips the ring on your finger, when he gets up, he picks you up and swirls you around, normally you would protest but today you can’t help but let all your care and worry melt away.
☆ seokmin.
seokmin is the first one to notice it, always. the slow fluttering of your eyes, the way your conversations start dwindling with others and the way your words slowly start slurring together. he's the first one to notice that you're way too tired of this gathering, and you want, more than anything but you won't ever say it in fear that you ruin seokmin's evening, to go home.
but what you never understood was that all of this came very secondary to him - sure, he loved his friends, sure he loved hanging out with them but when you needed him, then that is where he'll be. always.
so he takes your hand in his, surprised at how cold it is, even after all this time, even when he knows that your body temperature has always been fairly cooler than his.
"i'm kinda tired," he says, "can we leave?" one of the main tricks here was to flip the situation on him, you never came straight out and told him, even when he asked you multiple times so he gave up and used his telepathic abilities for you.
"are you sure?" you ask, maybe it was the fact that seokmin noticed or maybe those were your soulmate cells that got exhausted of social gatherings at the same time, you thought.
he nods at you, "i think i've had enough drinks for tonight, let’s go,"
he bids goodbye to his friends, who plan on leaving soon too, and you hug the ones that had made your evening so happy.
afterwards in the taxi, you lay your head on his shoulders.
"seokmin?"
"hmmm?"
"we're going home,"
you bring up your linked hands together to point what you mean. home, with him.
"yes, baby, our home." he grins.
and you don't remember when you knock out on his shoulder.
you have no clue of how you made it from the taxi to the apartment but somehow with seokmin supporting your frame and the walls and railings helping you, you do make it and the next thing you remember is the way seokmin tucks you in, and you realize you've been changed out of your uncomfortable outdoor clothes too, he's so gentle with it that you can forget that he's just as tired as you, possibly more. and then he grabs the blue bottle.
"removing makeup?" your grammar is really not the best when you're drowsy, but he nods.
after he's done, he changes his clothes himself and then gets into bed, glad that he can finally go to sleep, and right beside you.
now, he knows you're sleeping, but he can't help but pull you in closer, feel you. it was such a wonder to him in the past that you were actually dating him, and he could actually you his, but now this was all the more wonderful, that you would actually be in his arms every night. the day could bring on whatever it wanted to, as long as he had the nights with you, he would do it all and more for you.
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feelbokkie · 5 months
Text
 Winter dates with SKZ
Feelbokkiemas Day 3
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genre: fluff
pov: 2nd person
description: various winter themed dates that you would go on with skz.
pairing: bf!skz x gn!reader
warnings: swearing, slightly suggestive
word count: 1,276
©feelbokkie (2023) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.
☀️Feelbokkie M.list ☀️
🎄12 Days of Feelbokkiemas🎄
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방 찬 (Bang Chan)
Bake and Decorate Cookies Together
to be fair, you took over the baking portion after the first batch got burned
completely Chan's fault, if he just kept his hands to himself, none of this would have happened
while you worked on the new batch, Chan is doing his best to salvage what he can from the burnt cookies
halfway through, he's giving you a back hug while you continue to bake, nestling his face into your neck
clearly, he didn't learn from his mistakes with the first batch
"Channie, stop eating those. we need them to decorate the cookies." "but i want to snack on something...and you told me to keep my hands to myself." "eat the burnt cookies,"
the decorating part goes as smoothly as possible
you reenact the 'do you know the muffin man' scene from shrek
and more frosting ends up on each other than the cookies
and there is more candy in your stomach than on the poor cookie
at this point, you should have just made a desert charcuterie board and called it a day
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이 민 호 (Lee Know)
Overnight in a Cabin
he loves camping so a little overnight in cabin is perfect
cuddling by the fire
going on walks by the frozen lake
go back to cuddle by the fire, yet again
oh what a shame
The two of you spend more time just cuddling up against each other than anything else
"I'm almost convinced that you brought me here just to cuddle." "you can't prove that. now get over here, i'm freezing."
you two find other ways to keep warm
like cooking together and eating hot food
and dancing together in the living room of the cabin
and well, other ways too
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서 창 빈 (Changbin)
Building Snowpeople
this is going to end up way more chaotic than it started off
like all things, it started off innocently
you two were walking back from a date when you slipped and fell into the snow
instead of standing up, you just started making a snow angel
after checking on you, Changbin joined you in making a snow angel
that's when you quickly got up and pelted him right in the face with a snowball
big mistake
"Hey!" "Try to get--oh shit,"
pelts you with a bigger snowball
the two you just keep hitting each other with snowballs, Changbin's getting bigger each time
"Wait, wait, wait! Truce! But I have an idea."
that's how the two of you end up building snow people together
"Look, yours is your height!" "Yeah! But we're taller than yours!"
eventually, you "accidentally" knock his over
cue to Changbin chasing you around with the head of his snow person
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황 현 진 (Hyunjin)
Ice Skating
you'd think that with how gracefully he dances, it's be easy for Hyunjin
you're dead wrong
he's as graceful as a newborn giraffe trying to walk for the first time
it's pitiful really
if you also don't know how to skate, it becomes a game of survival
if you can skate, you're now in charge of a baby giraffe Hyunjin
eventually, he gets the hang of it
he's doing a weird stance like he's squatting and his hands are in front of him in case he falls, but he's moving
if you can skate, you're literally skating circles around him to 1. check on him and 2. pick on him
if you can't skate, good luck. you're on your own now. he's fallen so many times, he's not letting you drag him down with you
slowly but surely, he's getting the hang of it and getting out of the squatting position
except, there is one problem
"Y/n...Y/n...Y/n, how do i stop?"
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한 지 성 (Han)
Watch Holiday Movies Together
perfect date night for when it's too cold to do anything else
or two introverts
maybe just the one introvert
you two can crank up the heater, and order food
cuddle up next to each other
feeding each other snacks
the two of you hardly get up from your position
the whole time you two are cracking jokes with the movies
and just chit chatting the whole time
"wait, shh, this is my favorite part."
"we, personally, I wouldn't let a 12 year old disrespect me like that." "i don't think you would be able to outsmart his traps." "no, no, i'm built different."
and you'd sing along so some of the songs while watching
"~grandpa is gonna sue the pants off of santa...~" "what even is this movie?"
and if the movie is boring? don't worry, you'll find other ways to get through it
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이 용 복 (Felix)
Build a Gingerbread House
separately, you two would have been fine, but together?
it's a disaster
in all honesty, you probably should just bought two kits
it started off well
and that's the problem
you two got cocky after successfully assembling the walls
Sure, you had to sit there and whole the walls together while the walls dried
but they weren't immediately slipping and that was enough to give you a false sense of hope
the two of you have a christmas movie on in the background and are talking about how you should decorate the house while Felix puts some icing on the roof pieces
Felix left for one second after setting the roof pieces on top to get a napkin to clean up his mess
and that's when all hell broke loose
"It's falling, it's falling, Felix it's--"
splat!
"Oh no," "Oh naur," "Hey, hey, hey!"
the roof falls and cracks on impact
you let go of the walls and those fall too
"okay, plan b: we get a hot glue gun--" "I wanted to eat the house though." "...Okay plan c,"
The two of you just end up decorating the pieces of the house and eating them while you finish watching the movie
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김 승 민 (Seungmin)
Going to See the Christmas Lights
tt's more of an impromptu date
the two of you were walking home after spending the day together when you stumble upon a street completely decorated
before walking down the street, the two of you go and find a place to get some hot chocolate to keep you warm as you walk
the two of you just have fun walking hand in hand, drinking your warm beverages, and talking a bit
"wow, imagine their electricity bill" "rich people behavior," "aren't you...you know what, nevermind."
"wow, that house is really pretty" "not as pretty as you... hey, hey don't take off your coat!" "i'm suddenly really hot!"
Seungmin will softly sing christmas song while you two walk
"when we get a place of our own one day, do you want to use color lights or white lights?" "hm...i used to be a color light person but i think we should do white lights." "really? why?" "i dunno. something about it reminds me of the twinkle in your eyes when you smile...ha! i made you blush, minnie." "s-shut up!"
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양 정 인 (I.N)
Decorate your Living Space Together
works out well if you two live together
cute if you two live apart
and two separate dates
either way, Innie is putting you in charge of the decorating
he just doesn't want to mess up anything and will gladly let you be in charge
somehow, accidents still happen
he's clumsy, he can't help it
"Y/n! help!" "what happened--how did you manage to get your whole body tangled in the lights?" "can we talk about this when i'm not in a prison of lights?" "a prism if you will." "i love you, but you're "pushing it." "i'll leave you in there"
"hey, how attached are you to that nutcracker ornament?" "what happened to norman?" "...norman has gone into the light...and the trash." "Jeongin!" "it wasn't my fault!"
it gives you the excuse to go shopping together for new decorations
and make new memories with the new decorations
Buy me a coffee?
Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)
Taglist
@puppysmileseungmin @jiisungllvr @its-hannjisung @veedoesntknaur @turtledove824 @lanatheawesome @marked-unknown @kibs-and-bits 
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thatstonedwriter · 6 months
Text
⋆。˚ 「More than Enough」⋆。˚
◉ Sinopsis; comforting their s/o, who struggles with their self-worth
◉ feat; M&M, Fizzarolli, Striker
◉ A/n- kinda been in my feelings for a few days, but it's alright. Also haven't written for Striker in a hot minute so I'm deciding to give it a try
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___˙•˚∘✮🌙ᯓ🪐˙•˚∘___
Moxxie and Millie also struggle with self-esteem and self-worth, so when you're feeling down, they have a good idea of what might be able to cheer you up.
Moxxie, ever the thespian, writes you a ton- and I mean a ton- of little notes, poems, and even songs- all declaring his unconditional, undying love for you and Millie. It's not generic love songs either- what Moxxie writes are the most heartfelt, sincere declarations of love you'll ever hear
Dude will also follow you around all day like a sidekick- actually. This guy takes the Hype Man position very seriously. Whenever you're talking, he stands to your side, hip jutted out and arms crossed. He's so sassy for no reason
Millie actually takes a more lowkey approach- don't get me wrong, she and Moxxie absolutely smother you with love- but Millie's lowkey nature helps balance out Moxxie's grand gestures.
Millie is pretty observant, so she's able to pick up on your subtle mood changes and habits fast. Wrapping your arms around your stomach? Millie beats you to it and has her arm around your waist. nervous fidgeting? Millie holds your hand, and gives you a reassuring smile.
Of course, they each have their own off days- sometimes y'all take a collective self-care day which is just code for you sitting on the couch, ordering food delivery and watching dumb shows; no matter the circumstance, Moxxie and Millie will always love and support you unconditionally.
┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺  °
Fizzarolli knows exactly how it feels to think you're not living up to everyone's (or even your own) expectations. While Fizz knows there's no such thing as completely "getting rid of" these feelings, he will always do everything he can to reassure you.
Distractions are Fizz's specialty, so if you're feeling down, expect lots of jokes and random stories- its just his way of helping you get out of a negative mindset, even temporarily
Fizz is also the kind of partner to perform impromptu stand-up comedy acts when you're feeling down. Sit your ass on the couch with some snacks, because for the next thirty minutes, you're gonna watch Fizz attempt comedy while using a wooden spoon as a microphone.
It's funny to think Fizz knows a little bit of a bunch of different languages; wanna know what that results in? Him attempting to flirt with you in Italian or French but really just saying a bunch of random bullshit. It's the thought that counts, right?
Don't let the robotic limbs fool you- Fizz is very touchy-feely (unless you're uncomfortable with it). If you happen to be insecure about your physical apperance, Fizz is there to assure you, there's nothing to be insecure about. You're literally the most amazing being in his eyes
Fizzarolli knows how hard it can be to wrestle with your inner-critic, and that it takes a long time to unlearn the instinct of being self-critical. That's why he takes every moment he can to tell you everything you have to be proud of.
┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺  °
Striker isn't one for self-doubt or insecurity. There's not much room for it in his life, so it's harder for him to empathize with what you're going through.
when Striker does take the time to understand what you're going through, he's still confused. He's more pragmatic, so when you list your insecurities, all he can think is how wrong you are
It's a bit harsh, but hey, so is he. Though, he does understand there's a lot about relationships he has yet to learn- like how to be a bit more sensitive when dealing with feelings of self-worth
at first, Striker's solution is to tell you "prove yourself wrong," but when he sees it's not the most.. effective solution, he opts to just listening, and doing his best to be a pillar of support.
Rather than rushing to fix things or immediately tell you you're wrong, Striker sits and will listen to you for hours. He won't offer unwarranted advice or try to invalidate your feelings- he just listens.
And at the end of the day, Striker knows what there is to love about you. He may not express it as openly, but Striker cares about you, and hates seeing you beat yourself up. He hopes one day, you can see yourself the way he does- perfect as you are.
___‎˙•˚∘✮ 🔭๋࣭ᯓ🌙˙•˚∘___
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acewritesfics · 6 months
Text
I Almost Lost You | JAY HALSTEAD
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⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST.
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Pairing: Jay Halstead x Wife!Reader
Request: From Anon
Fic Type: Imagine
Prompt: "You think you can just push me away like that?”  
Warnings: Mentions of being shot, surgery, crime.
Word Count: 849
JAY HALSTEAD MASTERLIST || TAG LIST SIGN-UP
©️ no one has permission to copy, translate and/or repost my works on here or anywhere else.
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Jay sat next to the hospital bed where Y/N is currently resting. His arms are laying on the bed, one of them clutching hers. She'd fallen asleep a little more than an hour before, both of them gripping each other's hands, fearful that if they let go, the other would disappear like she almost had. 
Intelligence has been looking for a duo who were robbing businesses and killing anyone who got in their way. They claimed to be the next Bonnie and Clyde and went out in the same manner as the originals. Y/N was shot three times during the shootout a little less than 24 hours ago.  
Despite his best efforts, Jay is unable to shake the visual of her lying there, her breathing and pulse growing weaker as he works, in complete fear of losing her, to stop her from bleeding out. 
Y/N and Jay have been married for just over three months, and he has already nearly lost her. He bites his lower lip, fighting the negative thoughts that remind him he could still lose her, especially given their line of work.  
“What’s going on inside that handsome head of yours?” Y/N’s raspy sleep filled voice, brings him out of his thoughts.  
“How much I love you,” he tells her, thinking that now is not the time to hash out what he’s really thinking about. Though, he is always thinking about how much he loves her.  
"Don't do that," she says gazing at him, drowsily. "You think you can just push me away like that?” 
"I'm not trying to push you away, babe," he says giving her a soft smile. "I can't now that you're wearing my ring."  
"You know what I mean," she sighs. "I'm so doped on pain meds, it didn't come out right." 
"I know what you meant," he assures her, gently squeezing her hand.  
"Don't go quiet on me, Jay." 
"I almost lost you," he starts telling her what he's thinking and feeling. "We've been married for three months. We’re just starting our lives together and I could have lost you. I almost lost you."  
“It’s part of the job,” she whispers, weakly squeezing his hand.  
“Don’t… don’t say that,” he tells her, frowning. He knew she was being nonchalant about it right now because of the drugs but it didn’t help how he was feeling or the thoughts clouding his head. “Not right now.” 
“I’m sorry,” her lips pout as she lets out a quiet sob, tears building up on her eyes. 
“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Jay tries to reassure her as he moves closer to the bed and brings her hand to his face, gently kissing her fingers where her rings usually sat. They had been taken off during her surgery so they wouldn’t end up damaged or lost. “You did nothing wrong. It’s their fault and mine for not being there to protect you.” 
“You can’t be in two places at once,” she cries holding no resentment towards him like he seems to think he deserves. 
“No but I’m your husband as well as your partner. It’s not only my job to have your back, it’s also my vow to you,” he stands up, leaning over her to wipe away the tears and kiss her gently. “You know, us being married, living together and all that, means you won’t be able to cheat recovery and come back to work earlier than the doctors order right.” 
She can’t help the chuckle that escapes her lips, through the tears and sobs. “Yeah, but I have a brother-in-law who’s a doctor.” 
“And I’m going to tell him if he tries to do you any favors so you can get back to work sooner, I’ll find something to arrest him on.” 
“Yeah, you would do that.” 
“You’re damn right I would,” he says and tells her, “Voight’s given me some time off so I can take care of you.” 
“It’ll be a mini vacation,” she says giving him a weak smile.  
“For you it might be,” he kisses her again before reaching into his pocket and pulling out her engagement and wedding bands. He slips them back on to her finger and brings her hand back up to his lips and kisses the same spot as before. “I love you.” 
“I love you too,” she says letting go of his hand and carefully shifts over in the bed and pats the now empty spot next to her. “I don’t care what the doctors have to say, I need my husband with me tonight.” She adds before he can protest.  
Kicking off his shoes, he climbs onto the bed next to her, making sure to not hurt her even more. Careful of her injuries, she finds a comfortable position for them to lay in and places the blankets over him. 
It doesn’t take long for Y/N to drift back to sleep unlike Jay who remains awake until he can no longer keep his eyes open, afraid that if he does fall asleep, that he’ll open his eyes when he awakens and she’ll be gone. 
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vitaminseetarot · 4 months
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PAC (Pick-A-Candy): February's Message For You ❄🕯
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Hey y'all, welcome back! Thank you so much for playing in my first tarot game. I'm so glad to have the chance to reach out to everyone for inquiries. Thank you so much for your feedback as well! I'm still reading through your responses and feel grateful for all the positivity. There have been a lot of delays throughout this month and I haven't had as much time as I'd like to be on here in January, but I'm itching to pick up the pace in February. I'm planning another game in early March, topic to be announced, so stay tuned.
I wanted to start this month with a short and sweet pick a card reading to give you advice. For anyone celebrating this time of year, may you enjoy this time of peace and recovery and maybe some really tasty snacks with hot cocoa too. Pick whatever chocolate below looks most appealing to you. ❄🕯
Pile 1: Bronze Toffee Nut Pile 2: Silver Milk Chocolate Pile 3: Gold Dark Almond
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Pile 1: Bronze Toffee Nut
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Land:Tree:Sun, King of Mechanisms: Heliacal Chronograph, 26 Duality, King of Swords, XII Hanged Man, XV Devil, 7 of Swords, 7 of Wands
Hey, you! Did you recently complete something big or reach a major milestone in your life? If so, congratulations! Your efforts are paying off, if not now then over time they will show. But first, before doing or planning anything else, you need to sit down for a little while and just… breathe. Breathe deep. Replenish your mind from harrying so much over all that you have had to, have to, or will have to do (that was a mouthful, so I can't imagine how much clutter that is in the brain! Also I channeled the word "harrying" which I never use and had to look it up lol, but the word definitely still fits). Now is not the time to push, but a time to breathe and reflect.
You're in a time of transition, and this could mean many things. It could be a move or a job transfer, or you're thinking of how to change your way of living. I'm feeling that many in this pile are still actively working towards their New Years resolutions. Some in this pile may have had a very busy year, while others here wish to shift gears and become focused on doing more, a lot more than last year. Are you trying to make up for lost time? It's only February, pile one, so you have way more time than it seems to get things straightened out or set into motion. You're not creating a time debt by using your break or time off to actually self soothe, like most people do. Your tenacity is admirable, but in terms of self development, too much push to get things done might set you back.
You must balance between resting and recovery, all while strategically planning for your next course of action. Some of you may be struggling to get organized, but making schedules and lists could help immensely, so you're not spending as much energy trying to remember everything. There are also apps that are designed to help you stay on track, giving you more time to just hang out and be. There is nothing wrong with spending this entire month on decompressing from everything you've had to do. It's not going to happen when you're working on something else. That's a distraction, not progress, to work as a way of avoiding healing. However you decide to relax, make sure it actually involves relaxation. If that means laying in bed and watching TV for the day, then that's what it means. If you relax more by doing a chore, then make it something simple to complete like folding clothes.
Don't feel guilty for taking time off, but don't let the time slip by either. Schedule "Don't-Do-Much" days and see what kind of difference it makes to your productivity and routine over time. Think of this transition as an intermission of sorts. This is your chance to get up, use the restroom, order more popcorn, text a friend, etc. before getting back to your movie. You can choose not to get up, but once the intermission has passed, the movie will not pause for you. So use this opportunity to rest with intention, knowing that when change comes to thrust you into the next phase of life, it may do so unexpectedly fast and you'll be more ready for it.
Keep your ambitions lit up, because even as you rest, those dreams are still at work. Don't think that time off means abandoning any plans or being lazy. It's a matter of decluttering your mind space so you can actually focus on the next thing better, and you can't drain the brain of all your pain if you replace worry with more worry. Life is more than a series of boxes to tick off, saying "what's next? what's next? huh? what's next? HUH??" right after each one is done. If life worked that way, sleep wouldn't be a thing, and likely neither would we, because how can anything sustain that gogogo fever forever? Protect your right to self care, and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong to take time out just for you.
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Pile 2: Silver Milk Chocolate
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Spiritual, 7 of Prisms: Flux Tempest, 19 Unlimited Possibilities, King of Cups Rx, 2 of Pentacles, I Magician, 9 of Cups, Page of Wands
You may feel overwhelmed right now, like a lot of changes are happening at once, or could happen imminently. Things may feel topsy-turvy, and it's a struggle just to get through the day to day with all this weighing on your mind. There could be different options to choose from or a lot of emotionally heavy decisions that could be leaving you feeling a bit straggled. It could be a decision to undergo a kind of treatment, or many job offers suddenly come to you, and rather than feeling elated for the opportunities, you're feeling anxious about what to do more than anything.
Many opportunities and risks abound, and although it isn't easy, it's important to spend some time to figure out what you wish to do. We all want to make the best choices in life, but sometimes life involves a good deal of trial and error and retrial no matter how logical and sensible we try to make things behave. A lot of important details can get swept away in the rush to resolve a conflict as quickly and easily as possible. Even when the best choice is made, things can still happen. Life can be pretty random and chaotic at times, in ways not even shuffled cards can keep up with. It's not so much the choosing, but staying committed to the choice, that can be most difficult.
It's time to go within and listen to spirit for guidance. You need some time and space in order to feel this out, not just think it through. Our mind can work all day scoping out each and every pro and con, and that's where meditation comes in. Let the answers flow towards you naturally. When you can embrace the change to come from this choice, rather than fearing it, the way will light up for you and it'll be smoother sailing from here. The seasons will change no matter how long this time out will take for you, but one spring passed means another spring will eventually come again. If it doesn't work out the first time, there will always come another.
You have a heightened ability to manifest your desired outcome this month, and you may find that some things will naturally fall into place as soon as your mind is made up and you let go. Yes, anything can happen, but that also includes good things, it even includes things you have deeply wished for. Envision the best possible outcome first and don't get caught in too many details about how it should play out. We can trick ourselves into thinking that by assuming the worst, we can prepare for the worst. Instead, prepare for the best case scenario for you and you'll be surprised at how much easier it gets to sift out and manage challenges when they do show up.
Keep your mind steady and heart focused on what you want. Remain in a space of enthusiasm for what you'd like to happen. The page of wands is very eager, it's like they have the energy of a little kid pointing to a famous performer on stage and going, "that'll be ME someday!" Not "that could be me" or "ah, if only that could be me," but "that WILL be me." Think of your motivation as a fire that must be tended to on a regular basis. No matter how small or large the flame in your heart is, it will be the light that guides you into making the best decision for yourself. Take good care of it.
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Pile 3: Gold Dark Almond
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Land:Animal:Moon, Macroscoria, 10 Burden, King of Cups, VIII Strength, King of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, II High Priestess
Your sensitivity and overall empathic ability is high right now. There may be an inclination to feel a heightened sense of compassion for others, particularly animals (you have a lot of animals present in your spread, and Animal:Moon talks about those kind of connections in particular). Animal companions want to help you out this month, whether on the physical or astral plane, so turn to them for healing just as they would turn to you.
Create solid psychic boundaries to protect your mind. A lot of intense psychic energy could be purged through with the Macroscoria card. I'm almost reminded of what's it like to delve through Akashic records (or as I call it the Hall of All Knowledge), but this is a more universal, primal energy coming through? The card reminds me of Earth in its early stages when it was all still molten and predominated by immense fiery tectonic activity, fundamental forces bursting from beneath. Instincts can seem basic, but they're powerful. This energy could be coming from within you most likely, but you could be picking up on others' chaotic moods as well. This isn't a force to fight, but to work in your favor. Anger for example isn't wrong, but there's a right and a wrong way of expressing anger. It's a matter of channeling it into a proper medium.
If you were drawn to pile 2, there may be a message for you there as well, as the King of Cups is in the same position. There's an emphasis on being able to stay present with others with deep compassion while staying emotionally detached. Detachment is not the same as not caring, it's a state that allows you to embody what another is feeling and give them space to feel without losing yourself in it. Try to adopt an observational approach. When you are in a state of experiencing intense emotions, we can also practice the art of "stepping aside" to observe ourselves and learn from these feelings instead of pushing them away.
You and others must remain resilient, as you could be undergoing a challenging time. Don't push the limit though. Lend a helping hand when needed, but remember that you too deserve that same compassion in return. Whatever this challenge is, there is a potential for growth to come from this. This month could bring in a special reward for you, what that is isn't clear but your good efforts won't go unnoticed. It may feel difficult now, but when things start to improve, you'll innately know, and the payoff could be rather big, or more than what you expected. You may feel that many could be leaning on you now for support, but trust that whatever support you provide will in turn be granted back to you.
Observation doesn't mean apathy or overanalysis. It's about sitting and being present with what's happening around you and within you. Mindfulness exercises could help you out a lot this February, along with writing down your nightly dreams or even making a vent journal to scribble out frustrations. Make sure your emotions don't stay bottled or contained or they could burst. Instead, check in every day and find one thing that will help vent out those emotions. Your intuition is your best friend now.
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This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.
2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™
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courtforshort15 · 1 year
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These Broken Things
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem Reader
Word Count: 6,200
Summary: Matt Murdock is exceptionally good at closing himself off and pushing people away. It's a bit of a breaking point for you, even while you pray it's not the end.
Trigger warning: talking about death and assault, angst with a hopeful ending.
Masterlist
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"I told you to drop it."
"Drop it?" you exclaimed, following him into his apartment and down the long hallway, the lights of the bilboard lighting your ways, hues of blues and pinks playing across the suit jacket of the man in front of you. "You want me to drop it?"
"Yes, leave it alone. Nothing's wrong."
You threw your hands up in the air, exasperated beyond belief at this point, seconds away from pulling out your hair strand by strand. "That is biggest pile of dog shit I have ever heard come out of your mouth, Matthew."
He spun on his heels so fast that you nearly ran into him, only just managing to shift your weight to your back foot in order to stop your momentum from taking you forward. The frustration on his face and narrowed eyes caused your eyes to widen, taken aback by his anger.
"I'm fine. Stop asking me what's wrong." His voice was low, a damn near growl, his mouth twisted in an ugly frown that was so unlike him it was startling. Your mouth dropped, voice caught in your throat temporarily, as you stared at him. Satisfied at your silence, Matt spun back around, stomping into his bedroom.
You and Matt weren't unused to spats between you from time to time, but this was the first time he had ever had a look on his face that looked like that.
You steeled your spine, letting your anger rise up past your shock, as you followed after him, only just managing to avoid knocking your knee on his coffee table in your haste. Standing at the entrance to his bedroom, arms crossed over your chest, chin tilted up in defiance.
"No," you growled out, "you don't get to talk to me like that and then walk away." Matt ignored you, and you watched as he yanked his tie off before swiftly unbuckling his slacks.
His actions alone told you that he was getting ready to go out for the night, despite the fact that the city wasn't completely dark yet, people still out and about on that chilly October evening. You knew him well enough by now that when his blood was up, like it was now, he needed the city to provide him with criminals he could bloody his fists on.
Sometimes you weren't sure who need Daredevil more; the city, or Matthew Murdock.
"Matt." He continued to tear his clothes off until all that was left was his boxers and scarred skin. "Matthew."
He finally tilted his head in your direction, chest heaving rapdily. "What?"
You raised your eyebrows as you stared at him. "Seriously? You're just gonna go out and not even try to finish this conversation?"
Matt scoffed, blank eyes all but rolling. "We're not having a conversation. You asked me what was wrong, and I said I'm fine. Anything you've said after that is on you." He didn't wait for a reply before he walked around you and exited his the bedroom, heading towards the closet under the stairs where he stored his suit. You turned to watch him, but otherwise remained frozen to the spot, completely taken aback.
"When did you get so mean?"
Matt finally faltered.
He kept his back to you, but you watched him run a hand briefly through his hair, pale hand shaking slightly in the dim lighting of his living room. His shoulders rose as he took a deep breath, reaching out to open the closet with a loud sigh. Once it was open, he knelt down and hastily swept his suit up.
He still didn't say anything, and a lump caught in your throat, anger replaced with the spark and sudden growing fire of panic.
"You've become so distant, Matt," you started, hating how your voice shook as your hands fell to your sides and clenched into tight fists. "You don't call as much, you haven't touched me in weeks, and I can't even remember the last time we slept in the same bed. What is going on?"
"Everything's fine."
Your heart was racing now. "Don't...Don't give me that. Everything is clearly not fine."
Matt was nearly done putting on the suit, currently finishing up the last fastenings as you stared at him, begging him to tell you what was wrong. But Matt was a man who bottled things up so tightly that raging thoughts and feelings were sometimes too compressed to ever escape. He'd gotten better recently, the layers of the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen slowly peeling back for you, but things didn't always work the way you wanted them to.
Tonight was a prime example.
"I don't know what you expect me to say, then," he muttered, the words loud enough to be heard in his quiet apartment.
You refused to let things go. "Maybe just some explanation for why things have changed? Did I do something?"
Matt gave a loud sigh, one you immediately flinched at, huddling in on yourself before the breath even completely left his body. It was a sigh of annoyance, a sigh of disinterest, a sigh of unadulterated irritation.
"I really need to leave," he said as he very easily ignored the question, sitting on the steps to his rooftop access to tie his black shoes. "I'll call you later."
"No."
"No?"
"No," you repeated, fingernails digging into your palm as you struggled to take a breath. "If you decide to walk out that door in the middle of this, don't bother calling me."
He paused, helmet in his hand, his face a twist of incredulity and aggravation as if he couldn't understand what you were saying. You held your ground, your feet planted from right outside his bedroom, doing your best to eye him down as you bit your lip in anxiety.
"Are you giving me an ultimatum?" he asked, voice betraying his disbelief.
"No," you denied immediately, then frowned. "Well...maybe? I don't know, Matt. I don't know what to do here."
"To be clear, you're asking me to choose between you and Hell's Kitchen," he said slowly, taking a small step towards you. "You're asking me to choose, when you've spent so much time promising you'd never do that."
"I'm not asking you to choose!" you exclaimed loudly, your panic manifesting in frantic words. He looked agitated again, and it took all you had to push the tears back from where this conversation had led to. "I'm asking you to stay here and talk to me before going out."
He shook his head, scoffing, while finally slipping his helmet on and turning his back to you, ready to head up the stairs. "I don't have time for this."
"God, I feel like I don't even know you anymore." A stray, pathetic tear finally rolled down your face, and you swore you saw him stiffen, shoulders stilling and hand clenching on the banister. You knew he could taste the salt on the air, knew that he was aware tears were sliding out.
A few weeks ago you would have expected him to immediately apologize for causing you to cry, any argument dead on his lips as he held you to him, apologies and words of comfort whispered into your ears. With the feeling of utter heartbreak, your head lowered when you realized you didn't know what to expect from him anymore.
With a profound sense of sadness, and before he could respond or walk away in his apparent urgency to go out to prowl the city, you left instead, crossing through his living room and walking down the long hallway. You didn't hesitate when you pulled his front door behind you, too drained to stay behind for a second longer.
He didn't follow.
--------
It had been eleven days.
Eleven days and nothing.
No phone calls. No daytime drop bys at your office with a cup of coffee or an offer for lunch. No midnight hellos through windows, black clothing lit up by the moon that hung in the sky.
But you'd given him what he had perceived as an ultimatum, hadn't you? And you hadn't been the winner.
You'd always known Hell's Kitchen came first. It was something you both loved and hated about him. Long nights spent wondering if he was safe, hours spent stitching him up and putting him back together, countless tears shed when thinking about all the pain he put himself through for a city that would never truly appreciate the blood and sweat he gave for it. And all of it was worth it, if it meant his face was the first thing you saw in the morning, the first voice that said your name.
But this fight hadn't even been about Hell's Kitchen, had it? It had been about something else. It had been about him, and whatever was bothering him that he was unwilling to share with you. It had been about him not letting you in, not fully. After a year together, you thought he would have seen through the anger and panic to the real cause of your distress, rather than deflecting and getting meaner and meaner with each word carelessly thrown from his mouth.
Your fearless, reckless vigilante, whom you loved so much, had shut you out so suddenly and thoroughly without a single word as to why.
It killed you to think about it, but some part of you quickly became convinced that it had been done to distance himself from you in preparation of a break up. It was easy to see things that way when you considered his lack of affection, attention, and the way he'd let you slip out of his apartment without a word, tears slipping down cheeks heated with the exertion of begging him to fight for you.
That's what the voice in your head was telling you, at least. And with every day that went by, the voice got a little louder until it was screaming how much of an idiot you were for holding onto him. Perhaps this was the break up, now that you thought about it. Perhaps you walking out and him not following was the only ending necessary, though it seemed so anticlimactic.
His silence was so very telling. Maybe he thought no words were needed at this point.
And so you spent your waking hours doing anything and everything you could to keep your mind off of him, desperate to spend time outside of the heartbreak coursing through your veins like wild fire. You spent your days with your nose buried in your work. Deadlines you had pushed off were suddenly met way ahead of schedule. You spent your evenings catching up on your recorded TV shows, red wine in one hand, take out in the other, tissues on your coffee table in case of any unwanted appearances of tears. Your apartment was rearranged and scrubbed clean from head to toe.
Twice.
On day nine, you had placed his things in a duffle bag on the floor next to the door, ready to hand it off when, or if, he ever came by for it.
You had ignored the tears that swam in your vision as you did it.
The evening of day eleven found you in bed early, too exhausted and emotionally drained to even try to make it through your favorite ABC drama, curled up in a ball in an effort to keep as much of the world away from your, decreasing the amount of vulnerable skin that was available for bruises. Your arms were wrapped around the pillow you held to your chest, ignoring the thought that the pillow had at one point smelled like him.
You were very nearly asleep when a quiet tap sounded at your kitchen window, startling you for a quick second. You didn't have to think about what it could possibly be, the sound one that you've heard hundreds of times, though it had been absent lately.
Your heart rate spiked, as it always did when he was near, but this time it was in anxiety. It was almost embarrassing that your body reacted to him so obviously. He knew you in the most intimate way possible, each flush of your cheeks or flash of arousal lighting up a world only he would ever be able to navigate.
But tonight, you weren't really interested in him having any sort of access to you and what you were feeling.
"Go away, Matt."
Your voice was quiet, even to your own ears, but you knew he would be able to hear it all the same.
The tap sounded again, this time followed by the creak of a window that was trying to be opened from the outside. He was used to letting himself inside your apartment at night, even if only to crawl into bed next to you to drift off to sleep by your side, arms wrapped around you so tightly that you didn’t know where he ended and you began.
You could practically feel his confusion as he realized that for the first time since you had met him, the window was locked.
The tapping came again, this time louder and more insistent, and before you even knew what you were doing, you were heaving yourself out of bed and making your way into the kitchen.
You threw the window open halfway, noting vaguely that he was perched on your fire escape in black clothing, not unlike what he used to wear before the red suit, his head covered by the hood of his sweatshirt but face open and pale in the dark.
"Are you bleeding?"
Matt frowned, clearly thrown off by the question. "No."
"Are you hurt?"
"No. Why--"
"Then kindly get off of my fire escape." Your hands rose to bring the window back down, and in shock, Matt almost missed sliding his hands under to keep it open.
"Wait!" You stopped pushing the window down, not because you wanted to hear what he had to say, but because you knew your strength was no match for his. "Wait, please. Let me come in."
"No, thanks."
"We should talk, sweetheart."
Though you had spent the last few days preparing yourself for something like this, it didn't stop the cold feeling of dread that poured itself down your spine.
"There's no need, Matt," you said, making every effort to keep your voice as even as possible. "I already know what you came here to say."
"I don't think you do. Please, let me in."
"Look," you started tiredly, tugging on the braid that was resting over your shoulder. "We don't need to do this. Things aren't working out, I get it."
"That's not--"
"You've made it pretty clear that this isn't what you want anymore, and that's fine," you continued, looking away from dark eyes that were all but pleading with you, trying to avoid falling into the man who had seemingly let you walk out of his life. "It would have been nice for you to break it to me gently rather than pushing me away as violently as you did, but it doesn't matter at this point."
"Sweetheart--"
"Don't call me that."
"I didn't come here to--"
"You didn't need to come here at all. I got the point, really."
"Will you just let me talk?" he demanded loudly, yanking the window all the way up, apparently done with being outside while you were inside.
You took an automatic step backwards, leaving more than enough room between the two of you as he let himself in. As always, his presence was larger than life, and in your tiny kitchen, you found it overwhelming in a way it hadn't been before. You found yourself stepping behind the kitchen table, effectively placing it between the two of you.
You didn't miss the way Matt's body lurched in apparent grief at the motion.
An awkward silence settled between the two of you, and it seemed that Matt was struggling with what to say, despite the way he had demanded to let him speak.
"What do you want, Matt?" you asked quietly, eyes finally making their way back to his face. "I haven't been sleeping well and I'm exhausted. I'd like to go to bed."
"I needed to talk to you," he repeated, his blank, beautiful eyes aimed at your chin.
"I already said it wasn't necessary," you shrugged. The impassive tone you took was empty, but that didnt mean it was convincing. "Things got ugly, but it's over now."
"Things aren't over now," he said adamantly, moving around the table, hands lifting to reach for you. "Please, just hear me out."
"I don't...I don't really know if I want to," you said honestly, quietly. Matt flinched, and you knew it was because your heart hadn't skipped on a lie. "This went on for weeks. I gave you so many opportunities to talk to me. I begged you to talk to me. All you did was...ignore how it was hurting me. I don't want to hear whatever lame excuse you're going to come up with."
"I swear it's not an excuse," he pleaded. "I just...I just needed some time. And space."
"Sure," you shrugged again, struggling to maintain the level of calm and rational. "I can understand needing that. I don't know what was bothering you, but you didn't even give me a chance to understand. And now you're...what? Here to officially break up with me? I kind of already figured it was over, seeing as how it's been eleven--"
"Break up?" Matt looked alarmed as his eyes widened. "Is that what you think I'm here to do?"
"Nothing ever good comes from a conversation that starts with "We should talk," Matt."
He took another step around the table, and it took everything in you not to flinch away. Matt had never touched you with anything but gentle hands, and while you weren't on great terms at the moment, you didn't want him to think you were afraid of him.
"Sweetheart, that's not--"
"I love you, Matt," you told him bluntly, cutting him off with a hand raised in front of you, telling him to stop his movement in your direction. "But if the past few weeks were anything to go by, you're not willing, or maybe not able, to let me in. And I don't want to be with someone who hides so many pieces of themselves away from me. It's lonely, and I'm done with it."
He looked absolutely crestfallen, and suddenly resigned. You took a deep breath and soildered on, even as you felt your heart breaking in your chest.
"I'm sorry, Matt."
"No," he croacked out, shaking his head abruptly, eyes sightlessly dancing around the room as he licked his lips. "I'm sorry. I never meant to...have things end this way."
"It's ok." It wasn't. "There's a bag of your things over by the door." You tilted your head toward the duffle bag.
"My...things?"
"Yeah," you responded quietly, gesturing to the door with a hand that seemed limp and lifeless. "Tshirts, hoodies, your extra pair of glasses."
Matt paused for a second in surprise before he walked over to the door, a clumsy gait to his steps that you had never seen on him in the year you'd known him. With obviously shaking hands, he bent down to pick up the bag. His breathing had changed, you'd noticed. It was the breathing of someone about to have a panic attack. You grimaced, hating watching him like this.
Before, you would have comforted him. Held him and played with his hair and whispered how much you loved him in his ear.
But now, you were tired, and knowing what the past few weeks had been like, you honestly weren't sure if he'd even like having your hands on him.
He may have pushed you away first, but here you were shoving him away, too, if only to avoid any further pain on your end. Even if he didn't feel the same way about you as you did him, it was still a painful conversation for both parties.
"I'll swing by on Saturday to grab my stuff," you whispered. Matt let out a shaky sigh, accompanied by a hesitant nod of his head. "I'm going back to bed. Please shut the window behind you."
You left him standing in your kitchen, dark head bent sadly, scarred hands gripping the bag in his hands so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.
-----
Saturday rolled around too quickly for your liking. You had gathered one of your large duffle bags and a backpack to take over to Matt's apartment, unsure of just how many things you had over there.
You both had been toying with the idea of you moving in, so naturally quite a bit of your things had accumulated at his place. Work clothes. Sweat pants. Shoes. Your favorite bathrobe. Little bits and pieces of you slowly blending in with his, a subconscious way of laying down the building blocks for a life together.
With a sigh, and a mournful look at the run down front door you'd come to love, you let yourself into his apartment, taking in the scent of the man who had become your rock in a life that had always felt a little unsteady. You knew that most Saturday afternoons were spent catching up on cases with Foggy at their favorite diner, so you didn't expect him to be home.
You walked down the familiar hallway to the living, but abruptly froze when you took in the sight before you, eyes widening in shock.
His place was a mess.
One of his kitchen chairs lay broken next to the wall, clearly having been thrown against it. There was a giant fist-sized hole in the wall next to his bedroom that was shaped exactly like his hand, so you didn't need to guess whose it was. The trash hadn't been taken out in days, it looked like, and beer bottles were scattered along the counter.
You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose.
It took you an hour, but you picked up and took out the trash and recycling, and scrubbed down the kitchen. Dishes were washed and put away. Counters wiped down, floor swept. He was a grown adult, more than capable of picking up after himself, but seeing his place in such disarray made you...sad.
You made your way back to where you'd dropped the duffle bag and headed into the bedroom, a place you'd spent so many nignts with him wrapped around you, beneath you, on top of you.
Hands on your hips, you ignored the way your eyes pricked with tears, and thought about where to start first.
You didn't hear the front door open and close, nor did you notice Matt's presence behind you until he called your name softly. Startled, you took a deep breath before you turned around slowly and braced yourself for the second part of a conversation you didn't want to have.
You were scared he would ask you to stay. You were even more scared that he would outright ask you to go.
"Hey."
"Hey," he echoed.
"I'll just...give me a few minutes and I'll be out of your hair. I'm almost done grabbing my stuff." Matt inhaled sharply, head tilting away from you as you spoke. With a frown of your own, you turned your back to him, walking over to the table on what had been your side of the bed.
You placed the duffle bag on the bed and continued placing items into it, not bothering to be organized or have the items be thoughtfully placed. Your extra phone charger. The book you always told yourself you'd finish reading. Your favorite necklace you always forgot you had on until you were snuggled under the covers, forced to sleepily place it on the table to avoid leaving the warmth of him next to you.
You knew you had his total focus, so you did your best not to tear up while you packed your things. This was hard enough as it was, and as much as he had hurt you, you didn't want to make things more difficult for him than it had to be.
Eyeing the shoes you had left next to his closet, you walked forward to scoop them up. They were your favorite pair of heels, and you had worn them the last time you'd gone out for a nice dinner, his hand laced tightly in yours as he helped you keep your balance on the uneven New York City sidewalks, quiet laughter and declarations of love pressed against your cheek. While you both were always, always busy, you still found a way to make time for each other as often as you could.
The thought caused you to sniffle unintentionally as your lip quivered ever so slightly. You rubbed the heels of your palms to your eyes and took a deep breath that shuddered your body on both inhale and exhale. Matt let out a soft whine behind you, and you knew without turning around that he was wanting to pull you into him. He always made that sound when he could tell you were sad and on the verge of breaking down.
Or, at least he used to want to pull you into him before the last month or so, back when he would still touch you and pour his affection and love into your skin. Now, you weren't so sure what he wanted.
"I'm fine, Matt," you told him, voice shaking. You swept up the rest of your shoes into your arms and walked them back to the duffle bag on the bed. "I'll be done here in a few."
"No."
Your head snapped up to look at him incredulously. "No?"
He shook his head adamantly, blank eyes aimed somewhere around your abdomen. "No, don't go. You can't go."
You stared at him in disbelief. "Where was this attitude when you let me just walk out without a word two weeks ago?"
Matt opened his mouth but didn't say anything, merely licking his lips and tilting his head to the side for a moment.
You sighed in disappointment, shaking your head bitterly. "That's what I thought." Using shaking hands, you zipped up the full bag and moved to leave the room.
Matt quickly blocked you, placing himself in between you and the door way, his body just a few feet from yours as his eyes settled on your chin. "Please, just hear me out."
"Matt--"
"Just give me a few minutes, okay? I need to tell you what happened."
His face was flushed with what looked to be mild panic, and you couldn't tell if it was panic at the thought of you leaving, or panic at having to let out whatever had been bothering him so much that he'd thought the best solution was to violently push you away. Maybe it was both.
You took a few steps back from him, nodding silently, as you tried to put some space in between the two of you. Placing the bag back on the bed, you crossed your arms over your chest, willing to hear him out, but not wanting to stand so close to him. This was bound to be painful, anyway you cut it, and having him within arm's reach would most likely make it worse.
"Go ahead, then. If it's just another lie, I'm walking out and never looking back."
Matt nodded jerkily, licking his lips again like he always did when he was nervous. The corner of his bottom lip was split open, and you cringed when you noticed it. Even in your pain, even in your anger, you hated seeing him hurt.
You watched as he opened his mouth and shut it a few times, as if he was still unsure if he actually wanted to speak. Your frustration grew with each second he didn't say anything, your nerves fraying more and more the longer you stood in front of him.
"If you're not gonna actually--"
"Just...hold on," he said, desperation seeping into his voice. "I'm trying to think of the best way to say what I need to say."
"Why? What could be so bad that you--"
"A woman died in my arms a few weeks ago." The words tore their way out of his mouth so suddenly that you weren't sure who was more surprised by them; him, or you. You faltered, all of your irritation and anger and bitterness in your body stumbling to a screeching stop. You looked at him, your jaw dropping in shock, unsure if you had heard him correctly.
"What?"
You'd been face to face with him for the past two minutes, but you felt like you were seeing him for the first time since you'd realized he was in the apartment with you. Your eyes took in his appearance, wincing at his bruised knuckles, a black eye that seemed to be fading, a long jagged scratch on the side of his throat. Matt looked so sad, so lost, as his sightless eyes seemingly focused on the floor next to his feet.
You had been prepared for a bullshit excuse, while still simultaneously hoping for something that would save your relationship with the only man you had ever loved. But you hadn't been expecting...this.
A shiver when down your spine as you stared at him in growing dread.
"A woman died in my arms a few weeks ago," he repeated shakily. He ran a hand through his hair anxiously, tugging at the dark strands that were ready to be cut. "I was...I was a few blocks away when I heard a man yank her into an alley, a gun in his hand."
You stared at him, horrified. You knew the sorts of things that went on while he was out. Human trafficking. Drug busts. Muggings. Assaults.
Matt didn't like talking about it most of the time, and you didn't like pressing him on it if it made him uncomfortable. But to hear something like this come ripping itself out if his mouth was extremely jarring and you found yourself terrified of what he was going to say next.
He took another deep breath.
"I heard her scream, heard how he slapped his hand over her mouth to quiet her, heard him cock the gun and dig it into her stomach." Matt was fidgeting with the zipper on his hoodie as he spoke, and a part of you longed to take your hand in his, wondering if it might calm his restlessness. You held yourself back, though, not yet trusting your feet to move you forward without stumbling to the ground.
"He demanded that she give him her purse, which she did, of course. But then he ordered her to unbutton her shirt, and she refused."
Your heart hammered in your chest, face growing paler by the second.
"She tried to push him off of her, and he got mad and...pulled the trigger. I was still a few blocks away." Matt walked forward as if he were in a trance, unfocused eyes glazed over, hands feeling around for his bed. It alarmed you that he was so distraught that he was relying on his hands alone to navigate his bedroom, the rest of his senses so wrapped up in a horrifying memory. He took a seat, sinking onto the mattress with a heavy, pained sigh.
"When I got there, I could tell she wasn't going to make it." He briefly shut his eyes in a grimace, an intense full-body shudder wracking through him. "The guy was gone, but I didn't bother going after him because I knew I needed to stay with her. Make sure she wasn't alone." The breath he took was so shaky, and you found yourself finally able to move as your forced yourself forward, kneeling at his feet once you were in front of him. Your hand was grasping his a second later, suddenly unwilling to let him relive this alone as he tore himself apart to finally let you in.
"I held her as she bled out," Matt choked out, as if it was suddenly difficult to breathe. You gripped his thigh, and did your best to rub soothing circles into the muscle that lay under his jeans. "I tried to stop the bleeding, hoping I was wrong, that she could still make it, but the blood was coming out too fast and there was nothing I could do. She was sobbing, begging me to save her, and I couldn't."
You didn't know when you had started crying, but you had to take your hand off his leg briefly to wipe your eyes to clear your vision. His hand shook in yours.
"And she..." Matt paused again, taking another deep, gasping breath. "She reminded me of you."
"What?" you asked, immediately confused, mind scrambling to comprehend what he had just said, suddenly frantic to make sense of what he had just told you. "What do you mean?"
"She reminded me of you," he repeated quietly. "Roughly the same height. Similar accent, the one that only comes out when you're upset. A blouse made of the same material you wear so often. And she...she used the same shampoo."
Matt's hand lifted to wipe at the tears on his face as he struggled to speak. "This woman I didn't know was dying in my arms. And...and even as I tried to comfort her, all I could think about was you. All I could think about was...what if you were in trouble, and I couldn't get to you in time?"
Your mind twisted and turned as realization finally hit you.
This.
This was what had been driving him away from you, this belief that he would never be the kind of man you needed. This was the root of it.
"Matt, love. I'm fine. I'm here."
"I know you are," he let out, hand still trembling in yours, and steadily getting worse. His unfocused gaze landed on your forehead, and you could see the dark circles under his eyes up close. "But even before this happened, this is something I would think about often, something I still think about often. The thought of...of not being good enough or quick enough or strong enough to stop something bad from happening to you."
Taking a deep, unsteady breath of your own, you reached your hand up to cradle his cheek, and he immediately turned his head slightly to kiss your palm, needing the affection only you could provide.
"I trust you with my life, Matt."
He nodded with his eyes closed, swallowing before he spoke. "I know you do. But this...this was so real. It was just literally staring me in the face, this idea of losing you. And while I'm panicking and thinking about you, this woman is dying in my arms. And I can't even give her my full attention to comfort her, because I'm imaging someone else dying in front of me, and I couldn’t handle it."
You made a soft, mournful noise, and unable to stop yourself, you stood up and pushed his shoulders back from where he had hunched in on himself, before settling yourself in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, with one hand reaching up to slide into his hair. With a shudder, his arms came up around you, holding you to him in a grip that you knew would leave bruises.
You'd let him leave marks all over your skin if it meant he would take even one ounce of comfort from you.
The pair of you sat in silence for a while, cheeks pressed together, trying to match your breathing to his, and vice versa. You rubbed your hand soothingly up and down his back, avoiding any areas that seemed tender. You felt a raised ridge of skin near his left hip and knew it meant he'd needed stitches recently.
You grimaced, wishing you'd been there for him, even if he hadn't wanted you to be.
"Why were you pushing me away, Matt? All I want is to be here for you," you told him gently when his breathing seemed to have settled a bit. You pulled back a bit to hold his face in your hands, where you used your thumbs to wipe away a few stray tears.
His grip tightened and he leaned into you, seemingly trying to keep as much contact with you as he could. And even while he tried to get as close to you as physically possible, you half expected him to pull away from you again. Instead, he surprised you by pushing on, at last tearing down that final barrier.
"It was hard being around you," he admitted softly. His hand reached up to massage the back of your neck, a habit he had started when he was trying to assure himself you were next to him. "I was having such awful nightmares and I didn't want you around while I slept. You sliced your finger open three weeks ago, and all I could think about was you bleeding out all over me. If I hugged you, the smell of your shampoo would bring me right back to that alley, so I started avoiding touching you. And the more you got upset, the more angry I got. But not angry at you, angry at myself for making you feel that way."
You listened quietly, ignoring how your eyes were watering, and how hard your heart was pounding in your chest.
"I was hurting. And because I was hurting, I struggled being around you, to the point where it started hurting you, too. It just became this vicious cycle that I didn't know to stop, and all of a sudden it was too late and you were walking away."
You didn't say anything as you took in what he was telling you. You continued to hold him, lips occasionally brushing over his cheek as your hands continued to run gently up and down his back.
"I'm sorry this happened," you whispered, your voice catching. "I'm sorry you went through that, I'm sorry that I got upset."
"No, sweetheart," he brought a finger up to your lips in an effort to shush you. "Don't...don't apologize. This isn't on you."
"But--"
"No," he repeated firmly. "I should have said something. I was wrong for pushing you away like that. I...I wasn't...I didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to handle it, and I took it out on you. On our relationship."
Your lip quivered. "You can't do that, Matt."
"I know."
"No, you don't know," you told him. "I'm not even talking about how it made me feel. I'm talking about you. I want you to be safe, and loved, and cared for. You deserve those things. You deserve to have someone there to hold your hand and be there for you. But I can't...I can't be there for you and help you if you don't tell me what's going on."
Matt was nodding while you spoke, eyes shut tight as he listened. You knew there was a voice in the back of his head telling you he didn't deserve those things, would never deserve them, and it broke your heart.
You tilted his head towards you and leaned in to press your lips gently to his. He let out a sigh as he brought a hand up to grasp your cheek.
"I'll always fight for you, Matt." He let out a shaky breath at your vow. "I'll always fight for you. Even if I'm fighting you against you. But I...I need you to fight for me, too. Okay? You can't let me walk out that door again. I need to know you're not going to just push me away like that again. You can yell and cry and ask me for anything, everything you need. But don't let me go."
"I won't, I won't do that again," he promised as he continued to stroke your check with his thumb. "I should never have let that happen. And I should have never waited so long to come after you. I love you."
You kissed him again, a little firmer this time, but no less tender. "I love you, too."
Silence took over again as you continued to sit there. You focused on the way his hand was now running up and down your arm gently, while the other brushed at your hip from where it was wrapped around you. Cradling his face in your hands, you placed a series of kisses on his face; his eyelids, his forehead, his cheeks. With each kiss, you felt a sliver of tension bleed away from him, until at last he seemed to sag in relief.
You eyed the duffle bag that was still on his bed, grateful that he had come home when he did so that you could have this talk. You weren't sure how you would have handled living in a world without him by your side. It had only been a year, but you knew this was something you wanted for the rest of your life. Knew that he was someone you wanted for the rest of your life.
You were willing, oh so willingly, to do whatever this man needed, whatever he asked of you.
Glancing at the bathroom door, an idea came to you. An idea that might be a good place to start, no matter how small and insignificant it would seem. Without much thought, you decided to act on it, desperate to help him in whatever way you could.
"Let me go, Matt." You gently pushed against the arms that held you to him.
"What? Why?" You didn't miss the way the panic seeped into his voice.
"Just...let go. Let me get up." Confused, he slowly and reluctantly released you. You leaned down to kiss his forehead, before standing up and walking towards the bathroom. You heard him get up behind you.
"Where are you going?" You knew him well enough to hear the anxiety creeping in, this time more insistent. You turned around, kicking off your shoes as you did so. Your shirt was pulled off and thrown to the floor at his feet, and your pants soon followed.
"I figured we'd start with a shower."
"A...shower?"
"Yes. You're going to help me wash my hair until you can't smell my shampoo any longer, and then you're going to keep talking to me and let me cuddle you the rest of the afternoon. You coming?"
For the first time in weeks, the tiniest hint of a smile appeared on his face, though it was brief and utterly bewildered, as his own shirt hit the floor. Matt stil look bemused, but he went along with your idea. He took a few hesitant steps forward until he was right in front of you.
Rough hands gripped your cheek, pushed your hair back behind your ears, and tilted your head forward so that he could place a gentle kiss to your forehead. With a soft sigh, he reached down to grasp your hand, and you let him pull you into the bathroom.
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