#YALL GETTING LESS THAN TEN COUSINS???
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VALERIE - Part V. (Harry Styles)
happy sunday loves!! part 5 is here, buckle up bc we are getting down to business here!! thank you so much for the nice feedbacks, it’s always so moving and inspiring to read your thoughts, so please keep them coming! even if it’s just some gibberish rambling, those are the best haha! now let’s jump right into part 5, we are heading into the christmas mood and im so excited for yall to read this part!! enjoy!
word count: 6.1k
SERIES MASTERPOST
masterlist
By the time November nears its end you officially become a couple with Marcus. It happens gradually, two more dates follow your first one, and then on the third one you agree to test the waters of the possibilities between the two of you exclusively.
Marcus is a great guy. He is funny, caring and smart, always listens to you and cares for even the smallest details about you when you’re talking. He is great company and never fails to make you feel appreciated and wanted. Exactly what you’ve been looking for in a guy, Rosa really hit the nail on the head this time.
You easily fall into a habit with him. Fridays are for date nights, sometimes you go for little trips outside the city on Sundays and he never misses a chance to send you flowers throughout the week. He is just the type of guy that’s always there to cheer you up with something whenever the days start to weigh down on your shoulders.
You even have dinner together with Rosa and Steven one Saturday evening, Rosa keeps giving you those ‘I told you so’ eyes whenever Marcus kisses you shortly or places his hand to your waist. You mostly just roll your eyes at her, not wanting to make a big deal out of the two of you, but Rosa knows how long you’ve been trying to find someone.
What’s a surprising turn is that you start seeing Harry more. Intentionally. You have no idea how it happens, but it does and you’re not mad about it. Some days you grab lunch together whenever he is in the neighborhood, some days you go shopping with him when his sister doesn’t have the time. Harry is a problematic shopper, he takes a long time to decide on clothes so usually you are the one that forces him to choose and finish before all shops close.
When he has had a rough week and you happened to call him for whatever reason, the two of you agree to meet up for drinks at his place, then end up playing UNO for hours, slowly emptying out two bottles of wine.
It’s starting to get harder to imagine what it was like when things weren’t like this with him. When you were getting anxiety from just the thought of seeing him or having to talk to him. It’s like the both of you are showing a different version of yourselves to each other and you have to admit you enjoy being friends with him.
He keeps his habit of teasing you and making jokes about you though, but you don’t mind it. He is not doing it in a mean way with the attempt to piss you off, but to make you laugh and start a playful war where you both throw insults at each other until one of you runs out of it and just starts laughing. You feel a kind of dynamic building between you and him that has a way better effect on you than the continuous killing you were doing before.
You can tell Rosa is thankful for the change as well. Whenever she sees you interact with Harry without making a grimace or have that face that screams how badly you want to hit him, she is relieved that she has one less thing to worry about and Valerie will have two amazing godparents who even like each other.
Christmas is always a big parade in your family. Your mom and your aunts always want to celebrate together so in the past few years it has become a tradition to rent a place out that has enough space for the whole extended family and spend three days there from the 23rd to the 25th. This year your dad found a huge cabin in the woods with ten bedrooms and seven bathrooms, just the perfect size for you all. It’s gonna be your parents, Rosa and Steven with Valerie, Aunt Monica, Aunt Teresa with Uncle Andrew, your cousin Etta, her husband Joe and their two kids, your other cousin Lily with her husband Jeremy and their daughter, and lastly you and Harry. Though your mom urged you to invite Marcus along as well, he could join you for longer than a dinner, since he was already set to fly home to his family.
“You sure he can’t stay for at least the first night?” you mom asks on the phone one evening. You’re stirring the sauce in the pan. holding the phone to your ear with your shoulder so you have both of your hands free.
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s fine, he can come for dinner and then leave later.”
“I get it, but it would have been fun if he stayed,” she sighs, clearly disappointed that she couldn’t change what’s already set. If you’re being honest you don’t mind that Marcus is not staying for the night. You haven’t been dating for that long, you feel like it would be a little uncomfortable to have him there the whole time. A dinner is perfectly fine as a starter, since he hasn’t met anyone else from your family other than Rosa and Steven.
“Anyway,” she sighs moving on, “Have you figured it out how you’re gonna get there?”
“I don’t know, I guess I’ll tag along with someone.”
“Well, I think you should ask Harry. Everyone else is pretty packed already. Rosa and Steven won’t have any extra space with Valerie this year.”
You nod, even though she can’t see you. These past years Rosa always offered you a ride for the holidays, but even when they brought her over for just one night their car was jam-packed. No way you’re gonna fit in there so you are left with Harry since Marcus can only come in the afternoon.
“Sure, I’ll ask him.”
You shoot him a text that day and he replies right away that you’re welcomed in his car, though he won’t be able to take you back since he is leaving early in the morning on the 25th since he is flying back to the UK to his family. It’s fine, you think, you’ll just probably just tag along with aunt Monica back to the city, she always gets her a car for these occasions. Though it’s not your ideal option, she is not the best partner for rides, because she is a fan of smoking in the car, but you don’t have much of a choice.
“I’ll call you when I leave, okay?” Marcus tells you on the morning of the 23rd. It’s early, barely seven, but he is up because he needs to work a little today and you are finishing up packing since Harry will be here in an hour to pick you up.
“Sure. Drive safe,” you huff sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at your suitcase that’s still not closed, clothes are sticking out on the side and you’re sure you’ll have to sit on it to pull the zipper.
“See you later,” Marcus says before you end the call.
It’s rather comical how you try to close the suitcase but you only care about the fact that you eventually succeed. Only minutes before eight you are packed and ready so when you get Harry’s text that he is outside you can leave right away.
Seeing you with your big suitcase he hops out of the car and rushes to help you.
“How long are you planning to stay, Y/N?” he chuckles lifting the bag up and you just shrug your shoulders with a smirk. You’ve alway been a heavy packer, no need to try to cover it up.
Harry throws your stuff into the back of the car as you take the passenger seat. His phone is hooked to the car, a playlist of his own playing gently through the speakers and you’re surprised to catch on the Christmas feeling in the songs.
“Are you in the spirit?” you ask when he gets into the car.
“Like to set the mood ahead,” he chuckles starting the car and off you go.
Ridiculous to think about it, but it’s actually the first time you sit in the same car with Harry or see him drive even. The way you two used to be was not quite ideal to have you locked up in such a small place as a car. But now you have nothing against spending the almost hour long drive with him.
“Can you pull out the navigation when I leave the highway? I’m not sure where exactly I need to head,” he asks you, eyes fixed on the road ahead of him and nodding you open the app on your phone so his can keep on playing the music without the voice of the navigation interrupting it.
“Excited to spend your first Christmas with us?” you ask. Though Harry was there at several family events, it’s his first Christmas since becoming Valerie’s godfather.
“I am,” he chuckles, nodding, hands gripping the wheel gently. He is a natural driver, easily working the car, the kind you feel completely safe next to. As Baby It’s Cold Outside comes on a smile stretches across your lips as you start gently bop your head to the song. “I’ve heard crazy stuff about Christmases at your family,” he adds glancing in your way for a second.
“Like what?”
“I remember when Steven told me about his first Christmas with your family. You remember that?”
Searching in your memories you tried to remember when was the first time Rosa brought Steven along. They dated for two years before they got married so it’s been about five years since then, but as you think hard the memory of that specific year pops into your head making you laugh as you nod.
“Oh, yes. The year Aunt Monica almost burned the Airbnb down,” you sigh grinning at the memory. She brought some special kind of cigars that year that were told to be curiosities from somewhere fancy, but they ended up the literal worst quality, flaming bits were falling out them all the time when she would smoke one, almost making the rug catch on fire wherever she went. Best thing is that she was already drunk on the liquor so she didn’t even notice, there was always a person on Aunt Monica duty, following her around, making sure nothing burnt down.
“Steven said he had a moment when he thought about bailing,” Harry tells you and you gasp, because that’s new information.
“Really?”
“Yeah, but like only for a split second after your dad walked in on him naked in the bathroom. That was kind of the last straw. Luckily Rosa could convince him to stay. Guess it all worked out at the end.” Harry smiles as he stares ahead of him.
You can’t imagine a version where Rosa and Steven don’t end up together. They met through a mutual friend not long after Rosa had a nasty breakup with her scumbag ex. Steven was there to put her back together and be her partner as she found herself again. The change and positive impact he had on her could be seen every day and you were so thankful to him for helping your sister find her way out of such a dark place in her life. It didn’t take them too long to start dating and he proposed a little more than a year later. You still remember how Rosa was screaming in the phone when she called you that evening telling you that Steven proposed. They are quite literally a match made in heaven. It’s been your goal in life to find this person in your life though you haven’t had much luck with men so far. Ironically, if you were in a room with every man you were ever involved with in any kind of way, Harry would be the only one you’d want to talk with. If you had to make this exact same choice just months ago you would have chosen to run out screaming.
“Maybe this year it’s your turn to get horrified from us,” you laugh, sinking down a little in your seat as you adjust the seat belt. You’re still quite far away from the cabin, you might as well make yourself comfortable.
“I think there’s not much that I haven’t witnessed yet. I was walked in on at the bathroom once too, but it was your cousin, Etta.”
“When did that happen?” you ask with a heartfelt laugh.
“I think it was last summer at one of your nieces’ birthday party. Luckily everything was already tucked away when she basically barged in.”
“She didn’t miss much,” you tease him with a smirk and your witty comment catches him by surprise.
“Are you saying my dick is not imposing enough to be worthy of peeking?” he asks with raised eyebrows and you’re happy he is driving. His intimidating look would already burn right into your skin by now, but he is forced to watch the road instead.
“I mean, if you want to put it that way…” you continue, but a laugh escapes your lips.
“Take that back, Y/N,” he orders, sneaking a hard look at you before turning back ahead, but you can see the small smile hiding on his lips.
“Or what?”
“Or you might find yourself in a war you don’t want to be involved in,” he warns you, but his words don’t quite have the effect on you he wanted. Because in a heartbeat you find yourself feeling… excited? Thrilled? Even curious about his means behind his words.
“Wouldn’t want to lie, so…” Pretending like you’re sorry you shrug your shoulders as Harry gives you a look that makes your stomach churn. Now either you are gonna have some fun teasing each other or… you just threw yourself into the arms of the Devil himself. Either way, you’re certain Harry won’t leave it in that.
Turning your head to your window you can’t keep your smile contained as you think of the fact that how big of a lie it was. Harry is surely not a guy who should ever worry about any aspect of his manhood. You’re talking from experience.
***
The cabin is absolutely gorgeous, just the perfect place for a cozy family holiday. Hidden from the busy roads with a secure gate and tall trees on both sides, the back of it is facing a majestic view of the valley and the evergreen covered hill in the distance. With an interior straight from the pages of a magazine, you need just a few moments to adjust to your surroundings upon arriving.
“I saved a nice room for you, Harry!” your mother gushes the moment she sees the two of you walk through the front door. You huff in annoyance.
“And what about me?”
Harry chuckles giving you a smug grin. “Guess you’re just second after me.”
“It’s his first Christmas with us, he deserves the better room,” your mom shushes at you, making your eyes roll instantly. It’s still hard to believe Harry has this kind of charm over most people.
After greeting everyone who is already there, your dad, Aunt Teresa and Etta with her family, your mom walks the two of you down one of the hallways that leads to several bedrooms. She stops at the last door with an excited grin on her face as she opens it revealing the bedroom behind it.
You instantly understand why she thought this is the best one. The view is absolutely breathtaking, the gentle noon light is flowing into the room through the floor to ceiling windows, the king sized bed facing them so when you wake up in the morning the first thing you see is the endless sea of evergreens on the side of the hill. Not to mention the room has its own bathroom, not many of the other rooms are blessed with that. There’s a spacious shower that has enough space for at least three people in there and it’s one of those fancy ones that can make you feel like you’re having a shower in the middle of a jungle, mood lights and bluetooth speakers attached to it.
“No fucking way Harry is getting this room!” you gasp as you look around, taking in the luxure your mother is willing to hand over to him.
“Jealous, much?” he smirks, throwing his sports bag to the bed already ruining the neatly made sheets. He does not deserve this.
“Mom!” you huff turning to her, but she has made her mind up already.
“Your room is nice too, don’t worry Honey. Let Harry have this one!”
“I really can’t believe you are taking his side,” you grumble under your breath, folding your arms on your chest as you take one last look at the stunning view.
“Come on, Y/N. He is a guest!”
“He is not! You said it yourself he is family now!” you retort and Harry just laughs behind you, so you shoot him a murderous look over your shoulder, that just fuels his entertainment.
“Don’t be silly. Your room is the second one on the right from here,” she smiles at you. “We are gonna take a walk around once everyone arrives, so get settled by then!” she informs you before walking out.
“Hey,” Harry’s soft voice makes you turn around. “You can have the room if you want.”
Your eyebrows rise at the kind gesture, it’s very not like him, even now in your friendly state, so it’s quite odd that he is willing to switch rooms with you.
“No need,” you shake your head grabbing the handle of your suitcase that you abandoned at the door.
“You sure? It doesn’t matter where I’m sleeping, really.”
“I’m not gonna deal with my mother’s scolding if she finds out I took your room, so you can totally stay.”
Harry chuckles as you head out, but stop at the door to have one last word with him. “Though I might occupy your bathroom, that shower looks nice.”
“All yours,” he grins before you walk out.
***
By 11 am everyone arrives and the once quiet cabin is now buzzing from life, children running around, Valerie’s babbling shoots through the spacious living area where Rosa set her crib up, your mother is already making preparations for dinner while most of the men are circled around the pool table having a beer since no one has to drive for the rest of the day.
“When is Marcus arriving?” Rosa asks, eyes on Valerie who is absolutely destroying something that once were an elephant maybe, but she’s been ruthless with the poor animal, chewing and throwing it around all the time, so it’s not just a grey, fuzzy mess.
“Sometime before dinner. He has some work to finish,” you tell her pulling your legs under yourself on the comfy couch.
“And explain again, why isn’t he staying for the night?” she turns to you with a puzzled look.
“Because he is going home to his family early in the morning tomorrow.”
“Okay, but he could have just left from here, didn’t he?”
“It’s… complicated. It’s better if he just goes back home tonight and then leaves from there in the morning.”
What you leave out of the whole explanation is that you didn’t really invite him to stay the night as well. Sounds horrible and ridiculous but you didn’t think you’d have felt comfortable with him staying. You’ve been dating for only barely more than a month and though things are going well, you felt like starting with just a dinner would be a better idea. Marcus didn’t question why you didn’t offer him to stay, it seemed like he was fine with just coming and then going after dinner.
Does this make you a bad girlfriend? Maybe, but you value your comfort and feelings more than to ruin your favorite holiday with your family.
Just as you mom said, once everyone is settled in their rooms for the upcoming three days, the whole gang dresses up to have a walk around taking the welcoming little path that runs around the cabin and is smooth enough for Valerie’s carriage as well. Your nieces and nephew are quick to surround Harry and nag him to join them at the front, exploring the woods surrounding the path. It seems like he doesn’t mind it and gladly takes part in the adventure, also secretly looking after them so their parents can have a break and enjoy the stroll in hopes the walk tires the kids out enough that they’ll willingly go to bed in the evening instead of whining to stay up late.
You’re walking with Etta next to you as she tells you about Hannah’s latest dance competition when you spot that Harry and Oliver, your nephew, Etta’s other kid are suspiciously whispering around pointing in your direction. At last Olly nods and runs up to you showing a quite thick piece of wood into your hand. You look down at him confused.
“Thank you?” you tell him a little unsure what it’s all about.
“I found it in a bush, I want to take it home. Harry said you’ll keep it for me because you have a good hand for thick and hard sticks.”
You almost choke on your own breath, as Olly just carelessly runs back ahead to join his sister. You immediately look over to Etta in fear that she heard what Harry told Oliver, but luckily she was talking with Joe turning back, not really paying attention to the conversation you just had with her son. If she did, Harry probably wouldn’t live by now.
Speaking of the devil, you look in his way and that annoying, smug grin is right there as he nods in your way saluting before he shows his hands into his pockets and turns back around to catch up with the kids.
That disgusting piece of shit really went into the depth of teaching something secretly dirty to your nephew as a way of payback for your comment in the car earlier. He surely wasn't just joking when he said you’d pay for what you said. And you have a feeling he is just getting started.
***
Aunt Monica is like a legend in your family. She is the oldest between your mom and her sisters, already in her sixties, but in the heart she still feels like she has just turned twenty. She never married, but had several men in her life, love affairs, short flings, but none of them lasted for more than a year.
“Why would I settle when there’s so many fish in the sea?” she once told you, her iconic Chanel sunglasses sat on her nose as she sipped on her martini.
She has worked many jobs throughout her life, she was once a dancer, she waited tables and even worked as a TV host at one point in the ‘80s. She was the true free spirit of the family, her sisters often questioned her sanity, but you think there’s nothing wrong with how she lived her life, enjoying it to the last bit. In the early ‘90s she was seeing a millionaire, probably the only man she would have given her lifestyle up for. Unfortunately, they never married, the man passed away due to his heart problems, however, since he had little to zero family he left basically everything to Aunt Monica. Money, house, cars, business, everything. Being the smart woman that she is, she handed over the business into professional hands but she is still the owner, so the money is still flowing even though she could have lived happily on the money she inherited without ever having to work a day.
She seems a little odd in your family, but she has always been a loving aunt to you, a caring sister and she never fails to take care of her loved ones. She is the one to pay for all these Christmas getaways, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to stay in places this nice.
“What’s all the money for if I don’t spend it on my family?” she always says when someone questions if she is fine with paying for everything. Your mom and Teresa have tried to convince her to let them at least pay for part of it but she wouldn’t even listen to them.
She likes to have her own, sometimes odd ways in life. She definitely has a drinking problem, but not in a dangerous way. You have never seen her completely wasted, she just likes to keep things buzzing and always have a drink on her whenever she needs the extra fun. Because of her past she has the greatest stories about meeting famous people back in the days or how soldiers used to try to win her over when she was just a teenager.
“Oh, those things happened,” your mom told you when one day you questioned if you could believe all the crazy stories Aunt Monica tells you. “She was like… the star of the show. Used to hate living in her shadow, but I can’t blame her for enjoying life and doing the things I was too afraid to do myself.”
Now you’re sitting in the sunroom that faces the amazing view behind the cabin, the Christmas tree is standing tall in the corner, beautifully decorated in white and beige. Valerie is snuggled up to your chest as you gently rub her back and you listen to Aunt Monica tell you about how a literal captain once proposed to her after just three days of knowing each other.
“He was a gentleman, but a beast in the bed, Y/N. I’m telling you, men in uniform are just a different level of satisfaction.”
She sighs deep, taking a sip from her margarita that’s definitely not her first drink, and you just laugh nodding.
“He was begging for me to go to Italy with him.”
“And why didn’t you?”
“Who said I didn’t?” she asks with a pretentious hurt look turning to you and you just laugh. You should have known the story would go this way. “I accepted the offer, only turned down his proposal when we sailed off and then we parted as soon as I stepped onto the land of Italy. Broke his heart into pieces, but I was too busy enjoying the Italian summer.”
Harry comes in and hands you a bottle filled with juice that probably Rosa sent for Valerie.
“Thank you,” you smile at him shortly as you adjust the little girl in your arms and hand her the bottle.
“Young boy, have you ever proposed to someone?” Aunt Monica asks Harry who stops in his way as he was already about to head out, but now he walks back to the sofa where she is sitting.
“No, not yet,” he shakes his head.
“And how do you think you would if the time came?”
You watch Harry think to himself at the odd and quite random question. It’s not really something you would have ever asked him, but now that there’s the chance to hear his answer you are listening curiously.
“Depends on the woman I’m proposing to,” he replies after a few seconds.
“How would you propose to Y/N?”
Your eyes widen as you turn to your aunt with shock all over your face. You definitely didn’t want yourself dragged into this.
“Aunt Monica, that’s--”
“Shush! I’m just asking theoretically. Wanna hear his answer.”
Harry’s eyes wander over to your sitting figure on the sofa as he leans onto the back of the one in front of him. You can feel the heat crawling up on your neck to your cheeks under his burning look and you just know he enjoys how nervous you got from this simple question that wasn’t even asked from you.
Licking his lips he moves his eyes from you over to Aunt Monica who is still waiting for his answer.
“Something romantic, but not too grandiose, I know she doesn’t like being in the center of the attention that much. Maybe…” Tapping on his chin you listen to his words and without even realizing you hold your breath. “Maybe on a hike with a nice view. She would be admiring the view when I get down on one knee and as she turns around I pop the lid on the box.”
What bugs you is that it’s an awfully accurate description of how you’d imagined your proposal. He was right about many aspects, like how you don’t like being in the center of attention. No idea how he nailed so easily, but he did.
Glancing down you pretend to be busy with Valerie who is still peacefully drinking her juice, eyes wandering around the room relentlessly.
“So you really look to satisfy her deepest fantasies, careful about even the smallest details. Women appreciate it,” Aunt Monica nods, completely oblivious to how uncomfortable she just made you feel.
“Thank you, I do like to satisfy women,” Harry cheekily answers with a smirk, eyes locking with yours for a moment as Aunt Monica lets out a laugh at the dirty comment. Before you could bite your tongue a retort slips out of your mouth.
“What a shame you don’t always succeed.”
Harry’s eyes turn from playful to dark pretty quickly and you enjoy the victory over him. Your comment in the car earlier already wounded his manhood, now it’s another stab right into his… crotch. It’s the least he deserves after what he taught poor Olly.
“That I don’t believe. He seems like an absolute pleaser.” Aunt Monica winks in Harry’s way who just smiles at her shyly, but you can tell your comment is still bugging him.
“I think Y/N knows that too herself, am I right?” He tilts his head to the side and you stand your ground with holding his gaze and not looking away.
“Don’t be so sure about that,” you simply say, just when you hear your mom calling out for you. “Would you take her please?” you innocently ask walking up to Harry, holding Valerie out for him. You can tell he is looking for a witty comeback, but he has nothing just yet, so he is stuck with keeping his mouth shut as he takes baby Valerie from you. You gift him with a sweet, but definitely spikey smile before leaving him there with Aunt Monica.
***
Dinner is already almost ready, you’re helping your mom and Aunt Teresa in the kitchen with the finishing touches, Joe and Harry packing out the wine bottles from the rack Jeremy brought them in, the two of them examining the bottles with such professionalism you almost believe they have the slightest idea about what to look for in a good wine.
“Should we open some red or white ones for tonight’s dinner?” Joe asks your mom who is the master chef when it comes to the dinner.
“Red would suit better,” she answers. “Are they sweet?”
“Some, yeah,” Harry nods holding up a bottle and checking the label.
“Great. Monica loves that too,” Teresa chuckles as she adds some salt to the mashed potato.
“And Y/N too,” Harry adds, not even looking up, but he successfully attracts your mom’s attention with his comment.
“She does?” Harry looks up and sees your boiling anger plastered all over your face, so of course he chooses to take it further.
“Oh, yeah. She can drink like a gallon. Wine drunk Y/N is like a whole different person.”
“I told you so many times not to get drunk, Y/N. It’s not too ladylike. When was the last time you saw her drunk?”
“There were plenty of occasions,” Harry exaggerates and you could kill him right there. “Though last time it was the tequila that got her wildin’.”
That damned smirk of his is making your hands curl into fists and for a moment you tell yourself it’s okay to punch him in front of your mother even if she’ll probably disown you for such behavior.
“Y/N! I have told you a million times that you need to know where your limits lie!” she huffs shaking her head at you while you clench your jaw. Back at it with the lessons about getting drunk. She’ll never get over it, not even when you’ll be forty. Why does it matter to her so much? Sometimes she is the one to get you started, but then she gives you the dirtiest looks when you have one too many. She should just get used to it now.
“She surely likes to have fun when she has had a few drinks,” Harry continues smugly. “Remember how much fun you had at Rosa and Steven’s wedding?”
“Oh, God! I remember how drunk you were that evening, I could have killed you!” your mother growls and you roll your eyes at her.
“It wasn’t that bad. There were a lot more people who got way more wasted than me,” you try to defend yourself folding your arms on your chest.
“That doesn’t change that you were too,” she says with a hard look. Great, now she is mad at you for something that happened literally years ago. Kudos to Harry for ruining her mood.
“She wasn’t that bad,” Harry adds and you look in his way with suspicion. “She was a delight when it was time to get her to bed.”
Your mouth almost hangs open, but it seems like you’re the only one understanding what he really meant by that. Luckily, beside you and him, Rosa and Steven are the only people who knows what happened between you and Harry that night, so it’s no surprise no one else catches on the hint.
“You were the one who took her up to her room? Sorry if she was a burden,” your mother sighs and right at that moment you wish the floor would just open up and you could disappear forever. Harry’s satisfied grin is the evidence that he just won another round of this nasty war.
Just as you open your mouth to try and move the conversation to another field you see a pair of headlights pull up to the driveway. Everyone turns to the window as Marcus’ car parks down last in the line. As you step away from the counter you see the confusion in Harry’s eyes about the new guest.
“Oh, amazing! He is here!” your mom cheers, seemingly instantly forgetting about how she was dragging you just a minute ago.
“Who’s here?” you hear Harry ask, but you’re already out of there, heading to the front door to greet Marcus.
Just as you walk out into the cold evening air you see him get out with a warm smile on his lips. You wait for him at the door, arms wrapped around yourself and as he reaches you he places a soft kiss to your lips.
“Hey, how was the drive?” you ask him.
“It was fine. I didn’t arrive too late, right?”
“No, we were just about to set the table. Come on in, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”
He takes your hand in his as the two of you walk inside, all eyes immediately turning your way at the arrival of your boyfriend.
“Everyone, I want you all to meet my boyfriend, Marcus. He is staying for dinner.”
Your family members walk up to the two of you, shaking hands and introducing themselves to Marcus who smiles at everyone politely, trying his best to remember all the names and information that’s thrown at him all of a sudden. Everyone seems delighted to have him for dinner, the kids instantly make him promise he’ll play a card game with them after dinner and he happily says yes to the invitation.
You can tell your mom is proud that finally both of her daughters are spending Christmas with a man by their side and you’re almost certain your dad took a liking to Marcus the moment he mentioned he is into fishing.
Everyone seems excited and happy for Marcus, there’s just one face that doesn’t fit in the line of joyful smiles. Harry stands quite far from the two of you and only gets closer when he shakes hands with Marcus. His cocky grin is long gone from his face as he keeps his hard look on your boyfriend who is chatting with everyone. Standing next to Marcus, your hand still holding his, your eyes lock with Harry’s and there’s an unknown, burning feeling in your gut when his hard gaze holds yours. The sudden change and cold act gets you wondering what’s really going on in his mind. He is the first one to look away and you watch him walk into the kitchen and disappear from your sight before you force a smile on your lips and turn back to Marcus.
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#harry#styles#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles oneshot#harry styles one shot#harry styles series#harry styles imagine#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x reader#harry styles valerie#harry styles valerie series#valerie series
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Single Father Lucifer Au, Part 3
Time to discuss the timeline babies!! We are going to be discussing the timeline, what paper Lilith plays in here, and who is Lucifer’s spouse and what happened to them.
Trigger warning: Mentions of death and grieving.
Note: Repost because tumblr hates me and it doesn't appear in the obey me tag (This is the fourth time this happens, two times regarding this au...tumblr why T-T, pls this is annoying)
Lucifer got married relatively young to his spouse. He was around 24 years old and his spouse was 22. Their first anniversary was not yet upon them when Lucifer got the amazing news that they were going to have a baby! He was so happy when he found out, he picked up his spouse and twirled them around as they both laughing and happy tears accumulated in his eyes. He was going to be a father!
Tho, this happiness was nowhere near the same one he felt when Mammon was born. This man full on cried as he held Mammon close and kissed his spouses head. Never in his life was he so happy as that moment...which kind of fueled his decision to get another kid.
Because Mammon was not yet 1 year old when Lucifer’s spouse announced they were pregnant again! And from no other than our little Otaku baby!! (What are they eating for the boys to get out with such unique hairstyles.)
While Mammons birth had become more swift, Levi was a little less eager to come out to the world. Even without being born yet Levi refused to come out of his “room”, for the took TEN HOURS TO BE BORN!
The whole time Lucifer was carrying and distracting Mammon while his nerves ate him up. But finally Levi was born! The first thing he did was start crying, Levi knew the he was going to be a normie baby for a while and didn't want that at all XD. (Fun fact, for the first few years, Levi and Mammon shared a room, and even if they fought, whenever Lucifer went to check up on them, he could find them sleeping next to each other)
Afterwards Satan was born when Lucifer had 27 years. And oh boy, our little wrath boy made Lucifer’s spouse be nauseous, plus he kicked a lot. Like, A LOT! He was already mad with the world and throwing tantrums left and right all the time...and that was something he did even after he was born. Lucifer was going in 3 hours of sleep everyday because Satan would wake up in the middle of the night to cry. Thankfully, it was never a sickness or anything like that, turns out that the boy just wanted to be constantly picked up and stuff.
Then when Lucifer was 28 and Mammon 3, Asmodeus dropped in! He was, from the three that were already born, the easiest one to take care of. Yes, he wanted affection and attention most of the time and was a drama queen since baby but he was still easier to take care of than Satan.
Now, Lucifer was not expecting at all to have twins, the possibility never crossed trough his head...but...life is full of surprises and wouldn't you know, now there were two more babies on the way!
After the twins were born, Lucifer and his spouse decided that they were not going to try for another kid...but oh boy wouldn't you know, on Lucifer´s 30 birthday his spouse told him that they were expecting another child! A little later Lucifer and his spouse found out that the baby they were expecting was a girl! After having 6 boys it would be an understatement to say they were not absolutely delighted by those news.
But...sadly that happiness didn't last, because a few months later, Lucifer had to bury both of them.
Now, things were difficult for Lucifer during this time, Mammon was only five years old at the time, Beel and Belphie had just turned one, his work was not paying enough to sustain the seven of them.
It took them a while, but Lucifer managed to keep his family together during the whole thing. (During this process he meet Simeon and Solomon who helped him with taking care of kids whenever he needed to stay late for work and couldn't contact a nanny)
(For your consideration, cousin Luke and uncle Simeon taking care of the six little gremlins and baking cookies and stuff!)
After Lucifer turned 36 and the twins turned 7, Solomon and Simeon convinced Lucifer to accept a new job offer which paid better. Lucifer was hesitant at first because it meant he needed to move but all of the kiddies were actually excited about this!
They moved to a bigger house and Lucifer started his new job, were he meet Barbatos and Diavolo, he was his boss and became his most trusted friend in a matter 3 months, maybe less.
Also, Diavolo is REALLY GOOD with the kids. specially with Mammon, Asmodeus and Beel. Those three really love it when he comes over to watch over them or to just “get some papers from Lucifer”.
“...how many times has he come to get some papers from dad and ended up staying for dinner?” Belphegor once asked Satan as they watched Diavolo help Lucifer prepare dinner. “137 times.” “...you counted them?” “ ┐( -_- )┌ ”
(Also, the first time one of the kids refered to Diavolo as dad the man was so fucking happy he called Lucifer yelling all excitedly, making Lucifer’s heart feel so fucking full knowing that his kids were actually liking Diavolo)
Dear @thetyrannt commented they wanted more Single Father Luci and how can i say no?! Plus, it was time i made the timeline...tho this one inst that good...good luck understanding it XD. Anyways, i hope y’all enjoyed this. (Also, thank you to those who sent me asks, rn imma go to bed but i will answer one that is still in my asks tomorrow, thank yall :3) Stay safe dears! Good night lmao
#obey me#obey me!#obey shall we date#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me asmodeus#obey me satan#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me levi#obey me asmo x mc#obey me beel#obey me belphie#obey me headcanons
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how do our favourite ajf couples handle The Talk? and also, how do they start talking about lgbtq+ things? we love communication and education in this house ✨ - 💙
alRIGHT we are going OFF under the cut about good parenting (and also aaron’s the best dad on the planet change my mind)
this is litcherally almost 1.5k words because not only are we inclusive and educational in this house, we are comprehensive and honest with our kids!
they start with consent and boundaries really early. its always “can you ask you sister if its okay to use her tablet” or “honey you're standing a little close to me and i need some space right now. can you step back?” or “i don't really want to do that right now, can we do something else?”
its easier to understand boundaries with the addition of isaac in their home environment. he needs and has very clear boundaries for his siblings and his parents, so its very clear cut from the get-go what is and isn’t okay without permission. mom and aaron are good about knocking on doors and waiting for their kids to invite them into their space, and they’re awesome about privacy and open conversations.
auntie emily has a girlfriend or two and spencer has a boyfriend, a non-binary partner, and a girlfriend over the course of the kids’ lives, which is a really neat segue into the lgbtq+ conversation. very simple -
“when you’re older, you might start feeling things for people, or you might not. there are different words for people who are attracted to different people, and those are called sexualities. for example, your aunt emily is a lesbian because she likes girls, and your uncle spencer has dated people of different genders, so he’s called bisexual.
“there are also different words for people who don’t really fit in to the ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ category. some people are a lot of one or the other, some people are a little bit of both, and others aren’t any at all.
“it’s really important to use these words respectfully, and only use them for someone if you have heard someone use them for themselves. this is a really private thing for most people, so we have to be respectful of people’s boundaries when we talk about the feelings we have for other people.
“if you ever want to talk to mom or me about feelings you’re having, we will be here for you to love you and accept you no matter what.”
(these kids are either gen z or whatever the fuck comes after them, so they’ll probably all be a little queer in one way or another, or at least explored a bit, lets be real)
they are very age-appropriate, as well. so there’s a conversation about how our bodies change when the kids are about nine or ten, and they have a lot of books for the kids to read in private, so they’re not so put on the spot.
mom and aaron do their best to tag team, but there are some things that are better to hear from your dad than your mom and vice versa.
this is also around the time the kids get the conversation about what is and isn't appropriate touching, peer pressure, and social norms (”sometimes, people will say that they’ve done something that you hadn’t thought of before or aren’t ready to do, and it might feel like everyone else has done it, too. however, you are you and you are not them. you are the only person who gets to tell you what to do, and never feel like you have to do anything for any reason.”)
jack, of course, is first, and is having these first conversations with aaron right around the time isaac is born.
when he gets further into middle school, he and aaron go for a walk and talk more specifically about consent and new feelings that might come up. idk about yall, but i knew way more than i should have in middle school and the internet has only gotten worse since then, so i’m sure jack has a vague idea of the mechanics. jack and mom also talk about values, like respect and compassion and empathy, and how those values link together with those feelings.
when they're older (late middle school, early high school), they get the conversation about stds and safety and risks and that stuff. (that’s another easy conversation with real-life examples because isaac, while very wanted, was somewhat unexpected, and so was their cousin henry.) everyone is really clear about all the ways to engage in these activities that won’t get anyone hurt, pregnant, infected, or all of the above. (all of course, with the understanding that “this is for your knowledge, not for you to just know how to go off and sow your wild oats. you’ll have plenty of time for that later, i promise.”)
the segue for isaac’s first on-topic talk comes due to a question about how jack has a different mom than the rest of them. there was a comment at school that made isaac feel a little weird (”well jack’s not your real brother. he doesn't count because he's your half-brother” - that kind of thing) so he asked mom and dad about it. he already knew that jack has a different mom, but he doesn't really know what that means.
aaron’s like “well, jack is made of different stuff because he didn’t come out of mom.”
“what kind of different stuff?”
(and of course mom thinks its hilarious and later says “you walked right into that one, honey.”)
so because isaac is isaac and loves to learn, aaron goes and grabs one of the books he got for jack, and he and mom walk through all the “stuff” that makes up a person and how it gets there. they’re a little more detailed with him than the other kids, because he really likes to know the science and mechanics of it (”dad, people are kind of like machines!” “yeah, bud, a little bit!”)
hes fascinated, of course, and he’s the easiest of the five. he also does really well with more abstract ideas of consent and boundaries as well.
when it’s the girls’ turn, they not only get the mechanics conversation (for both sex and owning a uterus) but the safety conversation. because consent was so drilled into all of them, the boys are like “aight got it, don’t be an asshole and always ask about everything all the time. cool.” but the girls are dealing with some different stuff on multiple fronts.
mom tells them about periods before they get them, so they’re not thinking they’re dying when their first period arrives. they actually help their friends a lot when they freak out, which is super sweet.
aaron reiterates this one to every kid, every time:
“there will be times where people, usually men, do not listen to you and do not respect your boundaries. i am giving you my permission to do whatever you have to do to get out of that situation. you can lie to that person, you can trick that person, and you can hurt that person if that’s the only way to get out of that situation. you can always call us and it doesn’t matter what time it is. we will never ever be mad at you. we love you unconditionally and we just want you to be safe.”
“sex, for some people, is about fun and getting some exercise in, or just another way to spend time with people. that’s okay, but just make sure you’re taking care of yourself and being safe. for other people, its a physical way to express your love to someone you really care about.”
(“oh, so that’s why there’s so many of us.” “soph don’t be rude.” “it’s true isnt it?”)
so its less of like The Talk and more of Yeah, We Can Talk About This Anytime, because mom and aaron do their best to normalize talking about this stuff so the kids won’t be embarrassed to come to them with stuff in the future.
jack usually goes to mom with more...specific questions. caro ends up going to dad more often than not, and soph and elliot split the parents pretty evenly. isaac usually goes to mom, too.
aaron’s favorite Jack Asks About Sex moment (relayed to him that night, in bed with mom) is as follows:
mom and jack are out on a walk, and jack’s like, 15ish. he just looks at her and is like “mom. hey, uh. what’s a blowjob?”
she tries not to laugh and succeeds, for the most part. in the spirit of honesty, and with the understanding of “you aren’t to do this until you are comfortable and ready and nobody else can tell you when that is,” she kind of loosely outlines oral sex and how to conduct it safely and responsibly.
“is it like...good? fun? like ugh, god, how do i put this...do you and dad...do people...nevermind.”
with a laugh - “jack. you really don’t want me to answer that. i will scar you for life if you push.”
“ugh. yikes. alright.”
aaron thought it was HYSTERICAL.
at the end of the day, they just want their kids to feel safe and loved. all five of them know that they were built and made with love, and know (within reason) that their parents love and enjoy each other.
whew. thanks for coming to my ted talk, and you can thank my parents for some of these gems lmao
#💙 anon#ajf aaron#ajf jack#ajf isaac#ajf caro#ajf soph#ajf elliot#a joyful future#tali talks cm#anon reply#tali answers stuff
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ay buddies what is up ! i’m tay , n i’m here to reintroduce you to my emotional support bag of trash , stone . we were here a minute ago , but now that i have a job w pretty good hours i thought ... huh , isnt it time for stone to be a scumbag again ? anyhow , i’m from the gmt-3 tmz i think , maybe . i go by feminine pronouns , n it’s hot as balls in this wonderful brazilian weather so yall can catch me ugly sweating over here anytime ! so down below u can find a whole ass intro abt this douchenozzle , n if u smash the gd like button i will hit u up for some plots !
𝐈. 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 :
𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : stone louis liberman
𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : stoney
𝐀𝐆𝐄 : twenty five
𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 / 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒 : cismale / he & him
𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 : bisexual , biromantic
𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : part time professional photographer
𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 : charles liberman & elena hardwell
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐎 : scott disick , jean ralphio saperstein , chuck bass ( ish ) .
𝐈𝐈. 𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘
stone was born into what is considered hollywood royalty . kind of like brangelina ( pre breakup ) , or richard burton & liz taylor , or kim & k*nye ( just kidding ) . but yes , they were both really famous actors who were both in commited relationships when they first met on a movie set and fell in mad love with each other . by the time the movie had premiered they were already secretly married and just the most talked about topic in the movie industry .
AND they lived happily ever after . just kidding , mr. liberman died in a car crash when stone was ten years old , and his loss really broke his mother . she grieved the best way she knew how : by drinking a lot and getting remarried less than a year after losing her husband . and then getting remarried 5 more times after that . stone actually gets along really well with most of his mom’s ex-husbands , and is still friends with some of them even after elena eventually ditches them . stone also claims not to remember his dad , but actually does and really misses him and the family they were specially .
in regards of family , his dad had 2 kids before marrying his mom , and his mom had one after losing his dad so he has plenty of siblings . he isn’t particularly close to them since they never saw much of each other growing up , but he is very close to his little sister , who’s 13 and just as chaotic as he is but definitely a lot smarter . he loves her to pieces even though sometimes he thinks she’s satan hiding inside a teenage girl’s body .
okay , so , as previously mentioned , stone views life in a ‘before dad & after dad’ kinda way , in regards that childhood before his father died was amazing , they were always travelling and going to cool spots and having fun . his mom was awesome & he loved his dad to pieces and he never had to go to school . life was like , perfect . and then his dad died and his mother was such a mess . she was having such a hard time dealing with losing him that she honestly couldn’t give stone the affection and structure he needed , so he was mostly left behind in the chicago house with babysitters and homeschool teachers while his mom was off working and getting married . he doesn’t really hold a grudge or anything , but he’s definitely not as close to his mom because of it , it’s like he can’t really connect with her anymore .
stone never went to college , his mom had to actually pay for his high school diploma because she didn’t want him to be a dropout , and stone spent most of his life with zero life prospects , all he did for a while was spend his parent’s money and get super fucked up . that being said , he’s really shaped up the last couple of years & ran with the passion he had for photography . he’s quite a bit more serious about it than most people know , and has shot big pieces for mags like time and rolling stone , but he doesn’t really want anyone creating expectations about him so he usually keeps quiet . ALSO because he’s having sex with a bunch of models who he definitely shouldn’t be associating with , so he likes to keep a low profile .
growing up and to this day , stone never minded the attention he got from being a hollywood baby . he just was never bothered by it , and even like makes it a game to see how many paps he can gather by going out to get groceries or to some fancy sushi place all the celebs are going to . he’s basically an attention wh*re , we hate him .
ALSO he is a daddy ! literally has a five year old son who’s called bodhi . there’s a lot of drama with his mother so he doesn’t get to see him very often , but he loves bodhi very much and is a pretty good dad ? not the best , but he tries really hard to be good actually .
𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘
stone is generally a great person to be around if you’re looking for a good time , he’s always up to something fun and anything you wanna do that most people would consider crazy , stone is the guy that will say hell yea and not think twice to do it with you . he loves to be surrounded by people and is just a party animal .
he’s also super chill . crazy chill . too chill . nothing gets him mad , like , nothing . usually that annoying dude who will tell you to calm down when you’re arguing and make you wanna choke him . the least threatening dude you will ever meet .
just a cool dude to have around overall , like people are always having fun when they’re around him .
but ... has NO moral compass , not even a single ounce of it . he is the most opportunistic person . will 100% do whatever it takes to get things to go his way , and has no concern about how his actions affect others . he usually thinks since nothing bothers him , he can do whatever he wants to everyone else and no one will mind .
kinda a nice douchebag ? he’s really charming and nice and cool but will probably screw you over at least once in your life , maybe more if you let him ngl .
𝐈𝐕. 𝐅𝐔𝐍 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒
is a vegetarian ! tried to go vegan once but he really likes chocolate milk and gave up .
speaks very slowly , says ‘i mean’ , and ‘uh’ , a lot . you’ve probably asked him to talk a little faster once or twice .
is named stone because he was conceived at a rolling stones concert . shout out to mick jagger . his mom always tells him that and he is traumatized by it .
does a LOT of drugs , if he ever zones out feel free to assume he’s tripping about purple crocodiles or something freaky .
is 6 foot tall and very clumsy about it !
was actually born in greece .
𝐕. 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒
best friend : someone who’s been there for stone through pretty much everything and vice versa , knows all his fuckups and either tries to get him to become a better human being or just fucks up right along with him .
half sibling : they’re kinda awkward in that … cousins at family get together type of way ? stone doesn’t particularly see this person as his actual sibling and they neither love nor hate each other , it’s just rly awkward .
skinny love : they’re like … the relationship that never was ? they both cared about one another , but for some reason didn’t end up together so now …. weirdness happens ? they dont really know where they stand with one another n might still care but it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna happen .
exes on good or bad terms : like previously mentioned ... stone is kinda an asshole , so his relationships mostly end up not in the best way possible ? that being said , he can sometimes be decent , so maybe there could be relationships that end up in a generally positive note ? possibly .
CHEATING PLOTS : honestly stone might be the king of cheating ? he just doesn’t care ? he’s such an asshole . this doesn’t even have to be romantic either ? he could have hooked up with someone his friend liked or someone’s MOM , like . he just cheats everyone on everything all the time .
first love : the person who he thought was going to give him the romance that his mom and dad had , could have ended on good or bad terms but he always holds a special place in his heart for them .
flings or fwbs : he probably has plenty of those because stone is at a phase in life where he doesnt really believe in monogamy ? i’m serious i hate him . he probably has a bunch of flings and not gonna lie , he could be stringing some of them along just because i love me some drama .
platonic siblingish friendship : someone he doesn’t even think about being with . probably someone he kind of sees like a sibling and is just really protective about .
party pals : they don’t really have much in common , but they have a great time whenever there are parties and fun adventures around .
bad blood : stone doesn’t really hate anyone , but there are definitely people he’s uncomfortable around or who’s presence he’s really not fond of ? possibly a lot of cold shouldering and some snarky remarks , nothing to extreme though .
okay so i feel like this ran a little long . it probably did . a lot of it was recycled from my old intro but yall still wouldnt believe how long that took me . so like this if u hate stone & lets plot !
#wealthyhq:intro#( 𝒍 . 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒆 ) / * out of character .#hi buddies !#this took a while to get posted bc i had a very unusually busy day#we love a social girl#cant wait to not leave the house for the next 2 weeks
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so we were discussing zodiac heights in the discord and heres basically what we came up with, on a scale of tallest to shortest as full grown adults:
momiji: my half-german son easily passes everyone else as soon as he hits his growth spurt. id put him at around 6′4-5 as a benchmark; in canon he might end up closer to 6′2-3; in my dreams he is a 6′6-7 god, i dont take criticism.
hatori: yall KNOW hatori is definitely the next one on the list, forever. he and mayu give amazon couple vibes. only reason he’s not the tallest is because the sheer force of giant momiji is too powerful to overcome.
kureno: not much to say about him, just that he absolutely Had to be taller than shigure. he’s probably the skinny type too, though he tries to hide it with padded shoulders in his suit jackets. bird boy needs more love.
shigure: shigure is, unfortunately, a tall motherfucker. not as tall as the above, though (he absolutely deserves to be shorter than kureno). i generally think he’s got a good build to him, too? he doesn’t deserve a bit of it, but shigure has height and build, and thus gives off the biggest energy of any of the zodiacs (other than maybe momiji); its part of his force-of-nature vibe.
kyo: dont listen to anything @thewinterose might tell you, kyo is not quite 6′0. more accurately, he’s 5′11.75, but he definitely tells everybody he’s 6′0. kyo: “yeah, im six foot--” yuki: “actually, you’re five eleven and three quarters--” kyo: “shuT UP YOU FIVE TEN BITCH”
hatsuharu: haru is definitely also tall; i might even place him as taller than kyo? i dont know for sure, though; for now we’ll leave him here. he’s got “slow growing” vibes too; i feel like it took him a while to get to the height he ends up as. for him, it was less of a growth spurt and more of a slow, continuous growth. probably took forever for him to get taller than rin, too, poor baby.
yuki: yuki is decidedly shorter than kyo and haru; other than that im less sure. he gives me 5′10 vibes, personally, but @eltheintrovert and @thewinterose have a pretty good argument for him being even shorter than that. hard to say. he gives kyo shit for not being actually six feet, and is reprimanded for being at least two inches shorter. little bastard, i love him.
ayame: in an alternate universe, the heights go shigure, hatsuharu, ayame, kyo, yuki. in that universe, ayame definitely hugs yuki with his chin on top of yuki’s head. however, in this one, ayame is just a li’l bit shorter than his baby brother and it makes yuki a little less intimidated and a little more happy. ayame’s happy, too, because it means yuki spends a little more time with him. also, this way ayame is the shortest mabudachi by a large margin, which is hilarious to me.
ritsu: older than most of the zodiacs, but still rather small. looks up to ayame literally and figuratively. at an awkward height; sort of wants to be taller for more confidence, sort of wants to be shorter to be less noticeable. lovable bean.
rin: rin is tricky to place, because she gives tall vibes and wears a lot of heels but isnt actually that tall. she’s definitely the tallest girl zodiac though. she and ayame often wear heels, putting them at or above yuki’s height, which makes them feel better.
kagura: i know i just said rin is clearly the tallest girl zodiac, but honestly kagura isnt...that short either. like, she’s short compared to giant sohma family, but she’s definitely less than an inch shorter than rin. she also wears heels regularly, and refuses to let anyone tell her she’s too tall for them. god bless.
kisa: kisa is,,, not very tall, ever. she remains as an adorable, lovable, beautiful girl. all the boys go after her in high school, and hiro is Not Happy about it. she’s the baby sister of the zodiac, everyone loves her.
hiro: hiro absolutely maxes out at 5′6 and is forever salty about it. has a complex about being shorter than all the other guys going for kisa (and, honestly, about being shorter than her 9 other big cousin-brothers protecting her from harm). hiro drinks respect women juice, though, and never resents kisa for being taller than him, ever. he told kisa once that if he ever magically got any taller, he hoped she would also get taller, so they could stay the same height difference and so she could feel the benefits of being taller too. its one of the sincere lines that leads her to fall in love with him.
thanks to @thewinterose, @eltheintrovert, and @auroralynne for discussing this with me!
#discord friends#fruits basket#fruits basket spoilers#momiji sohma#hatori sohma#kureno sohma#shigure sohma#kyo sohma#hatsuharu sohma#yuki sohma#ayame sohma#ritsu sohma#rin sohma#kagura sohma#kisa sohma#hiro sohma
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Magic Is In The Heart | Ravenclaw Hongjoong | 2
→ ml!
→ note! in this fic, Hongjoong’s reader (Sunshine) is a male
→ 223 bullet points!
→ Half-Blood.
→ Sixth Year.
→ Prefect.
→ Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain.
→ Best Class: Transfiguration
→ Worst Class: Arithmancy
→ Favourite Class: Defence Against The Dark Arts
→ Least Favourite Class: Arithmancy
he classifies himself as a half-blood even though three-quarter blood is more accurate
“just doesn’t sound nice”
he would say
his mother came from a long line of pureblood wizards
while his father was a half-blood wizard born to a wizard and a muggle
it’s all very complicated
so Hongjoong simply says “half-blood” affectionately
his father was in Ravenclaw
his mothers family seem to mainly be in Gryffindor
although his mother was in Hufflepuff
his family didn’t particularly care which house he was placed in
but they were proud of him nonetheless
he is an only child
only has one cousin
he’s seven years younger than him though
Hongjoong was sad
finding out that he’d only be coming to Hogwarts
just as Hongjoong was leaving
he made it a point to ask one of his younger friends to keep an eye out for him when he came up
natural leader
became a prefect in the fifth year
so it was natural for him to become Ravenclaw’s Quidditch Captain in his sixth year
first year
one thing to note about his parents was that they were quite strict
and because they lived in a muggle town
they were accustomed to muggle technology
like phones and game stations and televisions
but
Hongjoong wasn’t allowed a smartphone
or a phone in general
until he was an official teenager
(he got an iPhone for his thirteenth birthday)
so as an eleven-year-old
not knowing anyone because all his friends seemed to be younger than him
he took a Nintendo DS on the train with him
because he could get bored easily
sadly for him
his father had pulled a small prank on him and switched out the DS card that held at least ten different games on it
for a card
with one game on it
called
‘Lateral Puzzles’
more than half of which
Hongjoong had already completed
so that was something to look forward to
when he found a compartment
there was a boy in there already
dressed in colourless robes already
it was safe to assume the boy was a first year like him
sure enough
the two of them became friends
after the boy introduced himself as Seonghwa
Seonghwa had taken an interest in Hongjoong’s DS the second he took it out
asking all sorts of questions
which Hongjoong was more than happy to answer
the two of them talked for a long time
before Hongjoong decided he’d taught Seonghwa enough about the DS
for him to play with it while he changed into his robes
when he returned
the discussion of houses
Hongjoong, coming from a family so diverse in their Hogwarts houses, didn’t have a house in mind
and the two of them bonded over the fact they really couldn’t care less
sticking together, talking the whole way
shared a boat with two new people, ‘Mimi’ and ‘Jisoo’
who he instantly got on well with
sat there grinning
talking quietly with Jisoo
watching Seonghwa and Mimi bicker all the way to the great hall
before they had to split up
since Seonghwa had to move away
Hongjoong grabbed him
“we’ll stay friends no matter our house, yeah?”
he was strangely protective over his new found friendship
was a bit nervous
shy lil bub
“of course”
Hongjoon’s heart: uwu
the sorting hat put him in Ravenclaw
because the sorting hat saw his potential in creative thinking and with the guide of Ravenclaw house he would be able to bounce off other creative minds to think better
because he was already friendly and hardworking and daring and ambitious
and he would grow and flourish better in Ravenclaw
Hongjoon didn’t mind though, already planning out his letter back home to his father
he made friends easily on the table and with his roommates
but stuck with Seonghwa like they promised
(as well as Mimi and Jisoo)
classes
was good at flying lessons straight away
having flown before with his parents and cousin
very good at quidditch
but due to the rule
was only allowed to try out for quidditch during the second year
became captain in his sixth year
Hongjoong is good at the core subjects
he always gets good grades
especially excels in Transfiguration
enjoys Defence Against the Dark Arts the most
Professor McGonagall is his favourite teacher
don’t tell Madam Hooch
actually struggled with potions in the beginning
but Seonghwa helped him a lot during first year
Hongjoong is very grateful
when it came to picking the additional subjects
with his Ravenclaw Cap™️ on
he decided he was going to pick four of the five options
Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Ancient Runes and
...
Arithmancy
bad decision there Hongjoong
he
hates
Arithmancy
a set of confusing number systems, different to any of the number systems e grew up with
(he still has no idea how there could be different number systems,,,, they're all the name numbers!!!)
he gets through it on his proficiency in Divination
Arithmancy is still his worst subject
Professor Vector is cool though
third and fourth year
second year? uneventful
third year? moderately eventful
Hongjoong made new friends with the boys who crashed into their train compartment
(Wooyoung, San and Yunho)
(They pulled a prank on Jungho and his friend)
(Jongho’s friend lovingly dubbed ‘Sunshine’ by San as childhood nickname)
San grinned
“Do you mind if we stay here? We decided to prank my brother but we forgot his friend, Sunshine, was in there too and now we’re running form two very angry firstys”
Hongjoong shook his head in disbelief
a smile on his lips
but let them stay anyway
back in the Ravenclaw tower
Hongjoong finally met Yeosang
Hongjoong hadn’t spent much time in Ravenclaw tower during his second year
meaning there weren’t many chances for him to meet anyone new
but he and his friends (the new ones too) had stayed in the great hall longer than they normally would
so he was heading to the common room a little later than everyone else
which he didn’t mind
meant it was quiet for once
Hongjoong didn’t think anyone would be down in the common room
seeing as it was almost midnight now
(too much fun in the great hall + the east courtyard = almost midnight)
but lo and behold
Yeosang!!
sat in one of the comfy chairs
near the bookshelf alcove
Hongjoong, being Hongjoong
tripped over a book on the floor
making noise
bringing attention to himself as well as scaring the living daylights out of Yeosang
Yeosang let out an actual shriek
so did Hongjoong
“sorry! I was trying to be quiet”
“looks like it.”
Hongjoong only grinned
he got up and made his way over to Yeosang, sitting on a chair opposite him
“I’m Hongjoong”
“Yeosang”
“What are you reading?”
they spent a good hour talking about the book
heading down the spiral staircase in the middle of the common room towards their dorms
making a deal to sit together at breakfast the next morning
new friend: achieved
of course.
this confused their friends the next morning
but they did sit with each other!
at the Ravenclaw table!
Hongjoong and his friends usually congregated at the Slytherin table, since the majority of them were in Slytherin
(And Yeosang usually sat with his Hufflepuff friend Mingi)
but that morning they sat together
talking about books
and classes
then the topic of friends came up
and Hongjoong invited Yeosang to sit with him and his group from then on
“you can sit with us, you know, from now on. we’re friends now”
“can I bring a couple of friends?”
“yeah! you can never have too many friends”
so yeah third year! big friend group!
in fourth year however
Hongjoong officially met Jongjo’s best friend
(and Jongho started sitting with them properly)
Sunshine was, well,
very fiery
funny
and also very cute
in comparison to Jongho
Sunshine was tall
he was taller than Hongjoong too
like Yunho tall
did he mention cute?
Hongjoong doesn’t recall when his crush on Sunshine was a thing
but he spent his fourth year trying to get everyone in their new group to stop trying to kill each other
and only really admired from afar
Seonghwa: just talk to him
Hongjoong: yall hear summ?
fifth year
was made male Ravenclaw Prefect
super proud beb
his father teared up when the letter came
shined the badge every night coming up to the new term
Hongjoong: Dad? TF?
Hongjoong’d Mum: S t o p
amazing family
never a dull moment
tried not to looked shocked when Seonghwa boarded the train with a prefects badge
it’s okay Joong
Seonghwa was shocked too
made friends with the female Slytherin Prefect too
“Pepy”
she’s cool
doesn’t stand for Wooyoung’s, or San’s, shit
mad respect
shares grins with her when they witness Seonghwa and Mimi try to talk without blushing
the teasing between Hongjoong and Seonghwa can get annoying
Pepy usually just leaves when they go at it
Seonghwa: Sunshine!
Hongjoong: Mimi!!
He finally works up the courage to actually talk to Sunshine in fifth year
awkward lil beb is still awkward though
O.W.L.s
Charms: [O]utstanding
Transfiguration: [O]utstanding
Herbology: [O]utstanding
Defence Against the Dark Arts: [O]utstanding
Potions: [E]xceeds [E]xpectations
Care Of Magical Creatures: [E]xceeds [E]xpectations
Astronomy: [A]cceptable
Divination: [O]utstanding
Ancient Runes: [O]utstanding
Arithmancy: [P]oor
poor Joong cried when he saw the Poor
still doesn’t know if they were sad tears or tears of relief because he no longer was obligated to take Arithmancy
sixth year (current)
in sixth year he elected to take Alchemy
with Seonghwa and Mimi
and Pepy!
and Sunshine made it a thing™️ to support Ravenclaw instead of Slytherin during their quidditch match
cocky Hongjoong after Ravenclaw wins the match
“are you my lucky charm?”
it’s going to be interesting
#this took a MINUTE#sorry it took so long#hogwarts au#harry potter au#ateez#ateez au#ateez fic#ateez headcannon#ateez fiction#ateez fanfic#ateez fanfiction#ateez imagine#ateez blurb#ateez bulletpoints#ateez scenario#ateez drabble#ateez one shot#ateez hongjoong#ateez kim hongjoong#hongjoong#kim hongjoong#kpop au#kpop harry potter au#kpop hogwarts au#miith
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A Business Deal: Part Three - Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Mafia Boss!Bucky
Word Count: 1.7k
Chapter: 3/10
Warnings: language
Masterlist :: Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four- Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine - Part Ten: Epilogue
A/N: What have yall done to me. An innocent one shot will now become a full 10 part series. Why.
——————————————
“Hey Alexa,” you called out to the amazon.com robot, staring Barnes down fiercely as he stepped into your office and leaned against the dark wood of the door, “How do I get rid of an unwanted visitor? Or, better yet, how do I get rid of myself?”
Barnes just shook his head, “Oh, you won’t be getting rid of me any time soon, sweetheart. I believe we have a lifetime’s worth of a deal in front of us.”
“End me now,” you rolled your eyes.
“No can do. Instead, I believe I will be taking you out for dinner tonight. Table for two at The Asgardian; it’s all prepared.”
“And you were planning to tell me... when? Before or after I scheduled all my meetings and appointments for the day?”
“Oh, come on, spontaneity is romantic.”
“Since when do you give two shits about romantic? You kidnapped me last week.”
“Eh, water under the bridge. But whaddaya say?”
“I say no thanks, I’m busy,” you looked back down to the spreadsheets before you.
“Would you be a little less busy if I tell you I talked to Rogers?” He revealed, raising one eyebrow.
“When you say talk, do you mean you went out for beers last night and acted like bros?”
“It’s besides the point what we did,” he brushed off, though maybe more because that wasn’t what they had actually been doing, “It’s what was said. I got an agreement from him.”
“For what, to get you a new brain?”
“Noo,” he set his jaw slightly with annoyance, “An eviction notice. He’s headed out of the US.”
“Bullshit,” you huffed, returning to your work.
“I’m serious. He’s gonna transfer everything to Europe.”
You put down your pen, “And how on earth would you have swung that?”
He shrugged a shoulder, “Don’t worry about it.”
“That only makes me more worried.”
“I just... cashed in an old favor,” his fingers toyed with the items on your desk.
You crossed your arms, “You’re a terrible liar.”
He frowned at you.
“Look, Barnes, if we’re gonna be married, you might as well just be honest with me.”
He inhaled for a long moment and turned his head away, sliding his hands into his pocket, “I may have... said a few... threats.”
“What kind of threats?” You asked cautiously.
He pressed his mouth into a line and turned back to you, “Just the kind that get people out of town. Just drop it, okay? I worked it out; there’s nothing you need to worry about.”
“Barnes, I don’t need a vendetta over my head with the CEO of a fast growing company worth millions. You gotta do better than that.”
“Look, Y/N, it’s not a big deal. I threatened him a little, but I set him up real nice in Europe. I have some cousins over there, real high up, and they’ll find some great clients for him. He’ll do fine. I’ll make sure of it. But he’ll do fine just as long as he stays far away.”
“And what happens when he wants to branch out internationally? Or when we do? We already have a few buyers in Europe that you’re threatening, Barnes...”
“And there’s always gonna be another buyer that’s threatened! Come on, Y/N, I’ve freed up a whole fucking continent for you! Take it,” he leaned forward, urging you, “Sure, we might run into some problems in the future, but then I’ll figure it out when we get there. If I’m gonna be stuck with you for the rest of my life, then anything that happens to you will happen to me, too. Everything will work out fine. For now, just take this as it is.”
You sighed and looked down.
It was a little unbelievable that he was a permanent ally now. That you didn’t have to worry about sorting out every problem you had immediately while you still had something your client wanted. With him, you could take your time and work things out as they came.
You couldn’t quite wrap your head around it.
Or that Barnes was technically now... yours.
How was this the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with? How was this the man you’d wake up to everyday? How was this the man that might one day father your children?!
You didn’t even know anything about him! You didn’t know much about his work, or his friends, or his family, or hell, even himself! You didn’t know his hobbies or dislikes or interests or-
“I don’t even know your first name...” You whispered, the realization shocking you.
He blinked, “What?”
“God, how are we doing this? How are we getting married? I don’t even know your first name!” You cried out, covering your face in your hands. What had you done?!
He stepped forward and sat in the chair across from you, a little panicked with your emotion, “Hey. Look, I... I know I’m not great with this stuff. And I know I’m not the person you probably wanted. But like I said, we’re gonna figure it out.”
You nodded, though your distress didn’t lessen. Maybe you’d figure it out, but that didn’t mean you’d necessarily enjoy it, right? Just what had you tied yourself down to???
“And it’s James,” he admitted with a rueful half-smile after a few beats of silence.
You looked up at him, surprised, “What?”
“My first name. You wanted to know. It’s James.”
Amusement tugged at your lips and began washing some of your sadness away as you raised an eyebrow, “James?! The Winter Soldier who murders people in the blink of an eye without ever being caught is named James?!”
He bit the inside of his lip, fighting back a smirk, “Why do you think I never tell anyone?”
“Am I the only one who knows?”
“Eh, there’s a small handful of people who know me from childhood who do.”
You chuckled slightly, “James. James Barnes. That’s- wait,” you paused, “What’s your middle name?”
“Ooooh, no, you do not get to know that,” he answered firmly.
“I’m your fiancee!”
“And I will take that name with me to my grave!”
“Oh, no way, you have to tell me now! Does this mean it’s worse than James?!”
“Shut up.”
You thought for a moment, trying to think of a way to convince him to tell you. Your eyes widened and your face slipped into a grin, “I’ll kiss you if you tell me,” you bet, hoping it would work.
He scoffed, “You can’t just use kissing me to get what you want; not gonna work, doll. Besides, what makes you think I even want to kiss you?”
Oh really? Challenge accepted.
You leaned over your desk and grabbed his collar, pulling him into a searing kiss. You let out a little bit of a moan (obviously, to get the information out of him- not because you actually enjoyed it, duh) and let your tongue drag across his lips until slipping it into his mouth.
He growled lightly, though you couldn’t tell if it was because he was turned on by the kiss or if he was just pissed that you were trying to manipulate him like this. Probably both.
You pulled away, smiling smugly.
His face twitched with annoyance for a second before he exhaled and frowned, “Fine,” he grumbled, “It’s Buchanan.”
“Buchanan?!!!!!” You shrieked, “No fucking way, you were not seriously going to let me go my whole life without knowing that?! Are you serious?!!!”
He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.
“No way, wait,” your eyes widened with an idea, “Can I call you Bucky?”
He sat up in his chair immediately, “Absolutely not!” He snapped.
“Pleeeaaseeee?”
He shook his head, “No, Y/N, it’s not gonna happen.”
You sighed, “Fine. But then what do you want me to call you?”
He frowned, never having thought about that. He was scanning his mind for an idea, before a small smirk cracked on his lips, “What about Your Highness?”
“Keep trying.”
“Worth a shot.”
He thought for a few moments more before giving up, “I don’t know.”
“Then Bucky is sounding like our only option here...”
His jaw set, but you pushed on.
“Aw, come on. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t wanna hear me shouting ‘Bucky’ on our honeymoon night,” you egged on, mischievously.
His eyes glinted and he chuckled, “Oh, sweetheart, that’s only assuming if you can last until honeymoon night. Trust me,” he lowered his voice, “You’ll want it to be sooner.”
You held back a grin at his confidence, but pressed on, “So, does that mean I get to use ‘Bucky’?”
He sighed, “You can do it once and only once. But you’re not allowed to use it in front of people. If we’re with company, you must call me Barnes. They don’t need to know my other names. Or, you could just call me a pet name, like ‘babe’ or ‘handsome’ or ‘Your Highness,’ ya know, the normal ones...” he bit back a smile at his own joke.
“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”
“No, you know what, I’ve never heard that one before,” he teased.
“Well, be prepared to hear it a lot from me, because you are.”
“Mhmm...” he smiled lazily at you, before tapping his hands on the arm rests and standing up, “So. Why don’t you elaborate on why I’m such a piece of work at The Asgardian over steak and wine at 7 tonight?”
You bit your lip, thinking. You had been planning to go dinner with Wanda tonight, but maybe- just maybe- this might be a little more important.
“I’ll see what I can do” is all you said.
“Great, then I’ll see ya there,” he concluded, walking backwards out of the room.
You rolled your eyes playfully as he winked, before slipping out the door.
Ah, fuck this, and fuck the stupid grin on your face that you couldn’t fight off.
Maybe Barnes was a lot more dangerous in more things than just his work...
-----------------------
A/N: Sorry Part 3 took a few days, I’ve been trying to draft the rest of the chapters before I came back and did a final draft of this one. However, that means that I have rough drafts all the way to the epilogue, so hopefully the rest of the chapters can come sooner!
I think I’ve tagged everyone who asked! Let me know if you want to be added! <3
Tagged: @gr8ness-sebstan @itzmegaaaaaaan @swtmckngbrd @kit-kat-katie99@cutie1365 @untoldshortsofthefandoms @chicthrill@crazybutconfidentaf@jessevans @laffers18 @kiwikriis @sebastixnstxn@failcdmothcr @holygaygal @bubbash125 @k-n-e @ria132love
#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#james barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky#reader insert#bucky x reader#reader x bucky#reader x bucky barnes#bucky imagine#mob!bucky#mob!bucky barnes#mafia!bucky#mafia boss!bucky#mafiaboss!bucky#mafia!bucky barnes#marvel imagine#avengers imagine#bucky barnes series#avengers series#avengers x reader
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tag game!
Rules: Answer some questions and tag 15 people you want to get to know
I was tagged by @fluidrich THANKS DUDE
Name: Diya
Gender: female
Star Sign: capricorn
Height: 5’0
What image do you have as your lockscreen: me and my cousins sledding from december
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? i thought about this and you know what i actually dont think i have
Where do you see yourself in ten years? oh my god praying im somehow in the animation industry. if that doesnt work out probably some environmental studies thing. I dont know i think about this every day tho lol
If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? Probably back home in nh w mis padres
What was your coolest Halloween costume? idk ive loved all my costumes in college haha i think maybe when me and my friend xiao went as harold and kumar freshman year lolol
What was your favorite 90’s TV show? was a big rugrats and doug fan
Last Kiss? this dude wesley ... ex boyf turned fwbs during the month i was home this summer haha
Have you ever been stood up? yeah some guy asked for my number when i was working and then didnt end up meeting me but it was chill cuz hes an rotc asshole apparently...but very pretty
Have you ever been to Las Vegas? no ahh i was gonna go after sophomore year for my friends bday but she asked to late and i already had plans to fly home
Favorite pair of shoes? big fan of sneakers over here but tbh i bought this like...navy sock boots this past semester and theyre so stupid but so fucking cute my feet do die cuz the heels so big but its worth it
Favorite fruit? mangoes cmon
Favorite book? i hate q’s like this how can i even choose lol. and i cant say some shit like PJO or HP which meant the world to me when i was a kid cuz duh who doesnt like those books. bitch idk. kite runner was good too and not for kids. Um wow i havent read a book in a hot sec actually unless its for school damn. pass
Stupidest thing you’ve ever done? we’ve all done dumb shit but ranking it is hard. i think probably this buzzfeed quiz my 2 friends and i made after freshman year of college about our old high school...it was basically a ‘would you survive round 2 at STA again if u had to do it over’ type quiz and it was all this like dumb shit like ‘youre late for class but theyre making buffalo chicken wraps (a classic back then) for lunch what do u do’ and it would like give dumb answers like skip class go to class cut the line cuz u know sue the lunchlady or like pay off some underclassman to get it. or like getting caught for dress code, or not studying for a test etc etc.
ok im lowkey bragging but it like did SO well over 1k people took it within like less than a day!! i’ve never felt a high like that before lol. but then our school caught wind and like threatened legal action which doesnt make ANY fucking sense and it was this stupid battle w admin over fucking... fb messenger and basically in the end we took it down. but yeah that was dumb but i definitely dont regret it. i regret taking it down tho ... i mean it def was hella fucking rude actually like i gave nice examples cuz i dont want to look like a bitch but still we...graduated......... what were they gonna do?? take back my diploma?? like idk why we gave a shit we should have just ignored them lol. Dumbest thing i ever did was deleting that honestly
i’ll tag the same people i tag for every fucking thing lol sorry yall @skeletonscribbles @michelllejones @speakslowtellmelove @tinyarmedtrex @notsugarandspice @bearsquares @devilstrip @stellarbisexual @stansbill and also @peachydenbrough and @quixoticquest
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Sugar and Spice (Roman Reigns): Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Read it on Wattpad
Writing Masterlist
Summary: Aasha and Leati lives are intertwined; it began with a simple contract six years ago that led to love and romance. Although they now live together, they lead busy lives that ten to keep them apart for weeks on end.They finally get a week to themselves in one of their favourite cities, Rome, Italy. Aasha has a couple surprises prepared for Leati, but little does she know, he has a couple of huge surprises for her as well.
Warnings (for the fic over all, not specifically this chapter): cis-female OC, 18+, definitely smutty, daddy kink, schoolgirl kink(?), anal play, choking, age difference, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), maybe a lil bit of a breeding kink (dont @ me), possibly semi-public sex, idk if this needs a warning but I use his first name in this fic just cause i really love it?
Aasha (OFC) Face Claim: Alia Bhatt (but like thiccer, and w longer hair)
Word Count: 2813
A/N: I wanna thank @reignwithflair and @macfizzle for helpin me out w this fic, and giving me some bomb ass ideas. Legit had this fic in my drafts since like June, but thanks to them i finally got it started properly. I originally wanted it to be more focused on their sugar relationship, but i added too much romance so like idk what to even call this fic anymore im sorry yall
Tag List: @macfizzle @reignwithflair @hoodgirl163 @vivalavonvon @imagines–assemble @spidermans-l-o-v-e-r@lavitabella87 @queenreignsempire @ziasaph @vanity1385@itsnethbellins @itsilovelukehemmings@randomfandompenguin @mrsamberlopezgoodanoai @harrystacowwe@hoshithehotspur @flawlessglamazon@inkedirishbbydoll-blog-blog @miss-limited-edition @kakakatey@moneypowergloryfameliquorlove@romanxreignz @firered82 @southernbelle91@reigningxo @littledeadrottinghood @cute-face-chubby-waist @arrowtothecrown@roman-reigns-truth @romansambrose @it-is-reigning-men @fictionalabyss @cool-snowball-22-blog
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Tucking her phone and room key into her purse, Aasha made her way to the elevator to go down to the bar in the hotel. Leati's flight wouldn't land for at least another half hour, meaning he'd probably get to the hotel in an hour.
She had arrived earlier in the day, and spent most of it preparing a surprise for him, going through the internet, and asking friends who had experience; she figured she'd treat herself a little before he got here.
She'd known for a while now that Leati had a thing for the whole school girl outfit, and Aasha had been getting more and more curious about trying anal, though she hadn't said anything about it to Leati.
Over the past month or so she had been working her way up from the smallest anal plug, looking up how to do enemas properly, and talking to experienced friends. She'd also been putting together the perfect outfit for him, choosing each article of clothing separately to fit the idea she had in mind.
However, both their schedules had been too busy and they'd barely seen each other for the past 3 weeks. They were finally getting a whole week to themselves, and Leati suggested that they spend it in Rome at the renowned Westin Excelsior.
The Westin Excelsior was a stunning hotel that stood right in the middle of Rome; the architecture reminiscent of Ancient Roman palaces. The building itself was six stories tall, with a dome on top of one corner. Leati had, as usual, booked the biggest, most luxurious suite; the Villa La Cupola took up a good portion of the fifth and sixth floor of the hotel, including the dome.
Aasha's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she first walked into their villa. The living room was huge, decorated with a beautiful fresco; the velvety red curtains hanging from the floor to ceiling windows were drawn, allowing the sun to brighten up the room and warm up the marble floors.
It had its own kitchen, dining room, studio, and even a private gym, but her favourite feature was the Roman bath style Jacuzzi on the sixth floor that led to a terrace over looking the city, with St. Peter's Basilica in the distance.
The bedroom was another work of art; the floors covered with a beige and brown carpet that had red and peach designs curling across, matching the furniture, and heavy curtains.
There was a king sized bed pushed back against the wall, positioned so that the sun lit up the pristine white sheets; it was high enough that she needed to hop up onto it. The four posts around the bed were painted a bright gold that was offset by the gold patterned red drapes hanging off of them.
The rest of the hotel was just as beautiful, with its marble flooring, and artwork. She wandered around a little, admiring the beautiful paintings, and statues that decorated the different hallways before asking one of the staff to point her in the direction of the bar.
The bar was fairly empty, with only a small group of people occupying a corner of the room. Aasha hopped up onto one of the leather clad bar stools and ordered a cherry martini from the bartender. She thanked the bartender and gave him the room number to open a tab.
As she sat at the bar enjoying her drink, her mind began to wander back a few years to when she was in a similar place, waiting to meet Leati for the first time.
Aasha sat at the table of a fancy restaurant, her delicate fingers running up and down the stem of her glass as she waited for him. She had never been this nervous before, especially since she'd never done anything like this before either.
She was barely into her first year of college, and she was switching her major to photography, something her parents were not willing to financially support. Aasha didn't want to take student loans, but fortunately, her friend had told her about the arrangement she had with her sugar daddy, and Aasha had decided to give it a shot.
She had made it explicitly clear that she wasn't willing to do anything sexual for money; coming from a religious, Indian family, she had done barely anything more than kissing. She didn't really care about waiting till marriage to have sex, but she wasn't comfortable with the idea of having her first time be with some random guy who payed her for it.
It came as quite a surprise to her when Leati contacted her. She'd expected him to be less attractive, and much older than he was; granted he was about 10 years older than her, but he was only in his late 20s.
He had given her basic information about himself, and what he would want out of an arrangement, and they had agreed to meet face to face before finalizing anything. He was one of the founders of a major security company that often provided bodyguards to the highest ranking people, and he simply wanted someone to attend work functions with him without the hassle or drama of courting someone.
She was so lost in her thoughts that when a large hand gently gripped her shoulder she jumped, nearly knocking her virgin strawberry daiquiri over in the process; she looked up at the owner to find Leati Anoa'i looking down at her.
"Hi, you must be Aasha, I'm Leati," he said, flashing her a smile.
Her lips parted a little as her eyes drank him in, he was even more beautiful in real life, and certainly more intimidating if he wasn't smiling. He wore a grey suit with a red tie, his hair was slicked back into a bun, and he was clean shaven except for his mustache and goatee.
She blinked a couple times before realizing she was staring at him, she hurriedly stood up and held out her hand, a blush spread across her face as it finally occurred to her that she had no idea what she was supposed to do.
"I-um, yeah-it's good to meet you," she stuttered, biting the inside of her cheek for that. Her face turned redder as he chuckled and gently wrapped his hand around her fingers and pressed a light kiss on her knuckles.
"Pleasure's all mine, babygirl," he replied, letting go of her hand so they could both take a seat. "So, what would you like to eat?"
They spent the rest of the evening talking, and getting to know each other. He was one of three of the major owners of the company, he lived in Tampa about 45 minutes away from her, and he traveled a lot. By the end of the night, Aasha was relaxed, and comfortable enough around him to explain what she wanted, and what she was willing to do.
They didn't have any clashing needs, and he was more than happy to tell her that he'd draw up an agreement as soon as possible for the both of them to sign. He didn't seem to care that she wanted to keep their relationship platonic, but he did say once that if she wanted to go further he wouldn't be opposed to it.
Setting down her empty glass, she left a generous tip for the bartender, and slowly began to make her way back up to the room.
Over time her and Leati's relationship had evolved. They had become good friends, and she stuck with him through two attempted hostile takeovers by his partners even when he tried telling her he didn't want her caught up in that. He started bringing her to family gatherings, stating that he wanted his mother to stop bugging him about settling down. She got to know his family, his twin cousins who became his new partners, and even became close friends with his sister-in-laws, Trinity and Kecia.
As they spent more time together, she started to develop feelings for Leati, but her fear of rejection kept her silent, until one day she got a little too tipsy at an event and ended up confessing to him in the car.
Leati had a firm grip on Aasha's waist as they made their way down the steps of the hotel; he was glowering from the incident moments ago, one hand clenched into a fist at his side. Aasha couldn't help the shiver of fear that ran through her when she looked up at him, the only other time she'd seen him this angry was when Colby tried to wrest the company from Leati.
She'd known that this conference was a bad idea, she tried telling Leati that the McMahons would probably send Lopez as their representative to hopefully throw him off or simply to sew discord, but Leati's stubborn Italian pride wouldn't let him back down from this. To his credit, he managed to keep a lid on his emotions for most of the conference, that is until the farewell dinner.
Leati had left her alone momentarily to go to the restroom, which gave Colby the opportunity to slink up to her with that typical half smirk etched into his face. She gave him a polite smile and took a large sip of her champagne, not wanting to stir up any shit when they were so close to leaving.
"It's been too long, Aasha, you're looking good," she cringed as Colby's eyes took their time looking her over. "We never talk anymore, not even a Happy New Year text?"
"That's your own fault, Lopez," she glared at him, she wanted to get up and leave but there were people standing around the table, blocking her off; the only exit was past the man leering at her. "No one forced you to stab us-him in the back."
"Us? Did you guys finally hook up? Or is it still purely platonic?" he scoffed, not even bothering to acknowledge everything else she'd said.
"N-no, we're just good friends, something you obviously know nothing about," she bit back, taking another gulp of her drink.
"So you're not off the market? Cause I assure you, I can be a very good friend," Colby's smirk widened into a malicious smile as he leaned in, a hand coming to rest on her bare knee. She recoiled with disgust, ready to throw her drink in his face when she felt a larger hand grab her arm, pulling her up and away from him.
She looked up to see Leati glaring at his former partner; Colby had the good sense to look somewhat scared as he stood up and subtly tried to back away. For each step he took back, the large Samoan took two forward.
"Hey, hey, listen, he's not worth it, let's just leave," Aasha pleaded, tugging at his arm. She tried not to shiver as he looked at her, his infamous volcanic rage simmering in his eyes. "Please."
"Fine," he said, giving Lopez one last scathing look before turning on his heel to march off with his arm around Aasha's waist. She texted the driver to meet them at the front as they made their way through the halls of the hotel.
They came to a stop at the entrance, waiting for the driver to pull up with their limo. Aasha turned to Leati, unbuttoning his jacket to slide her arms around him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. A startled sound bubbled in his throat, but he hugged her back, kissing the top of her head. They stayed like that until the car drove up.
"I'm sorry," Leati said as he settled in next to her; she looked up at him in surprise. "I know you hate it when I get mad, I just couldn't stand the fact that he put his hands on you, I didn't mean to scare you."
"No, it's okay, you could never scare me, it was actually kinda hot," she mumbled the last part, her face heating up at the confession. She buried her face in his shoulder when his serious expression turned into a smirk. She arched into him as he slid a hand up her spine to grab her hair and pull her head back.
"You think it's hot?" he asked, a dangerous gleam in his eyes as he leaned in closer so that his face was inches from hers. "I-"
She cut him off with a kiss, her hands grabbing his shoulders to pull him closer. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her onto him so that she was straddling his lap. She teasingly bit his lip, eliciting a deep growl from him. She pulled away to look up at him, the both of them panting a little as they stared at each other wide eyed.
"I think I love you," she blurted.
Aasha chuckled at the memory as she walked into the VIlla; back then she had been mortified, but thinking back to it now it seemed rather funny.
Glancing at her phone she saw that she had 40 more minutes till Leati got there. It would be just enough time to shower, and finish the final steps for her surprise. She took a quick 15 minute shower, then hopped out to grab the lube and one of her plugs. She decided to go with one of the smaller ones with a pink diamond on the top because she didn't want to deal with any discomfort.
After working it in, she left the lube in the drawer of a nightstand by the bed, slipped on a shorter baby pink silk robe, and went back to the bathroom to dry off her hair. She finished just in time to hear the door to the Villa opening and closing.
"Aasha?" Her face lit up as she heard Leati's deep voice. She let out a shriek of happiness, rushing out of the bathroom to find him setting his bags down in the bedroom. She practically jumped into his arms, making him laugh as he picked her up with one arm; much to her delight he had grown his beard out, but it also tickled her skin as he buried his face in her neck. "I missed you too, babe."
"God you look so good, it feels like it's been forever, I hate being apart for that long, promise me we won't have to spend more than a week apart again, Lea," she mumbled, giving him a deep kiss to show him just how much she missed him; his chest rumbled against her as he chuckled at the nickname she'd used.
"I dunno if I can promise that, but I'm sure if you gave the Board a good talkin to, they'll see things your way," he joked, walking to the bed to set her down. She pulled back to give him a mock glare before grabbing the front of his shirt to bring him in for another kiss.
His large hands roamed over her thighs, pushing up her robe as he massaged her soft skin; her own hands were busy rediscovering his strong chest, enjoying the warmth that she had desperately missed over the past few weeks, when he pushed her back with a quick shove before dropping to his knees to push her legs apart. She was about to let him when she remembered that she'd prepared surprises for him.
"Wait! No, I, uh," she said, hurriedly sitting up and clamping her legs shut. Leati gave her the cutest pout as he stood up. "I'm sorry, its just I got you a couple surprises but I haven't finished putting them together. Why don't you go take a shower, I'll be done by then."
"I GUESS I can wait a little while longer," he sighed dramatically, giving her a kiss and a grin. "You better be done by the time I'm out, cause I'll fuck you right where you stand, got it?"
"Yes, Daddy," she said with a cheeky smirk as she pushed him towards the bathroom. He gave her one last kiss, and landed a smack on her ass before walking into the shower.
Aasha dug through her bag, pulling on the outfit she had put together; a white button up shirt tucked into a flow-y black skirt that barely covered her ass, white thigh high socks held up by black thigh garters, and a loosely tied black tie. She could hear her boyfriend getting out of the shower and turning on the hair dryer which gave her just enough time to brush her own hair out and pull it up into two ponytails.
She just finished tucking her brush away, and unbuttoning the top 3 buttons of her shirt when the bathroom door opened and out stepped Leati in nothing but a towel.
#roman reigns#roman reigns fic#roman reigns fanfic#roman reigns fanfiction#roman reigns smut#wwe fic#wwe smut#wwe fanfiction#sugar and spice#my post#my writing
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Rereading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Chapter Five - An Excess of Phlegm
WE AT THE WEASLEYS HOUSE YALL!!!!!! time to party
“Hi, Tonks.”
Harry thought she looked drawn, even ill, and there was something forced in her smile. Certainly her appearance was less colorful than usual without her customary shade of bubble-gum pink hair.
is it wrong that it bothers me tonks is so fuq’d up over a man? but then again, the man IS remus so i guess its understandable.
- I LOVE THAT THE FIRST THING MOLLY DOES IS FEED AND LOVE HARRY like it just makes me remember that all is well and good in the world at this house
- lol at every hand of the clock pointing at ‘mortal peril’ and molly just shrugging like ‘meh. nbd’
“What do you like me to call you when we’re alone together?”
Even by the dim light of the lantern Harry could tell that Mrs. Weasley had turned bright red; he himself felt suddenly warm around the ears and neck, and hastily gulped soup, clattering his spoon as loudly as he could against the bowl.
“Mollywobbles,” whispered a mortified Mrs. Weasley into the crack at the edge of the door.
arthur and molly know how to keep the sex game picante
- fred and george live in a lil flat in diagon alley now bc their such big business tycoons and if i wasn’t already attracted to them before, things have gone to a whole other level
- THE TRIOS BACK TOGETHER YALL!!!!! ron got so excited he punched harry in the head!!!! it was adorable!!!!
Fleur turned back to Harry, swinging her silvery sheet of hair so that is whipped Mrs. Weasley across the face.
“Bill and I are going to be married!”
“Oh,” said Harry blankly. He could not help noticing how Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, and Ginny were all determinedly avoiding one another’s gaze.
MY GURL FLEUR!!!!!!! this plot line always pissed me tf off bc everyone hates on her the entire book when in reality she is truly the goddess we all aspire to be
- like forrealz they’re all plotting to stop their wedding and get bill to fall in love with tonks instead bc shes ‘ funnier/nicer/smarter’ than fleur and its like BISH yall dont even know her!!! and as harry (and I) have pointed out, she was in the triwizard tournament so UM she aint dumb!!!! LEAVE FLEUR ALONE
“She still hasn’t got over what happened... you know... I mean, he was her cousin!”
Harry’s heart sank. They had arrived at Sirius. He picked up a fork and began shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth, hoping to deflect any invitation to join in this part of the conversation.
“Tonks and Sirius barely knew each other!” said Ron.
1. lol @ everyone thinking tonks is depressed about sirius 2. harry :’( 3. savage ron going in on a supposed mourning person is savage
- HAHAHAHA harrys finally confessing to ron and hermione what the prophecy said about him being the chosen one and then hermione gets punched in the eye by a telescope lololol really lightened the mood
“Hermione, will you shut up, you’re not the only one who’s nervous!” barked Ron. “And when you’ve got your ten ‘Outstanding’ O.W.L.s...”
“Don’t, don’t, don’t!” said Hermione, flapping her hands hysterically. “I know I’ve failed everything!”
if i havent said it enough over the past five books yet, i love hermione granger.
“How did you do?”
“I - not bad,” said Hermione in a small voice.
“Oh, come off it,” said Ron, striding over to her and whipping her results out of her hand. “Yep - nine ‘Outstandings’ and one ‘Exceeds Expectations’ at Defense Against the Dark Arts.” He looked down at her, half-amused, half-exasperated. “You’re actually disappointed, aren’t you?”
Hermione shook her head, but Harry laughed.
if a ‘half-amused, half-exasperated’ look doesn’t spell out L-O-V-E to you, then idk what will
- aw at harry thinking he wont get to be an auror bc snape wont let him takes potions. JUST U WAIT LIL BEBE!!!!!
WELP if you liked this, follow me for more chapters!
#Rereading Harry Potter#Harry Potter#Ron Weasley#Hermione Granger#Ginny Weasley#severus snape#Draco Malfoy#Lily Evans#James Potter#Remus Lupin#Sirius Black#Marauders#hogwarts#Gryffindor#hufflepuff#ravenclaw#slytherin#fred weasley#fantastic beasts and where to find them#Albus Dumbledore
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3-5, 28-30, 35-40
whoa okay everyone sorry for the long post someone decided to give me a million in one ask.
3. okay so this person idk what to even say about them anymore I hardly know who or what they are like now but I guess ill talk about them when I was irrationally in love with them. They had a way to make me feel at home no matter how far from home I was. That person was super smart (to me) they had a charisma that allowed them to creep into your life and later your heart, and had you liking them even if at first you thought they were just another fake person trying super hard to be “cool” they had a way to get under your skin, to make you laugh until you’re crying and hold your attention in a way that you never really thought they might be able to. Honestly this person made me feel so many things and not all of them were good, in fact looking back now I realized that I excused so much shitty behavior towards me because of a fancy dinner, or a cute poem, or a dozen roses. God i was so in love with them and its sad really how now its just a faded memory of a person who never apologized for the hell they put me through.
4. the thing I regret most so far is not going to the ivy league school I was accepted into bc it meant I would be far from the person mentioned above.
5. Oh fuck. Honestly I have not had any like “amazing” birthdays. My most memorable birthdays are seared into my memory bc I was either in a funeral home, in a hospital watching my cousin fight cancer, or I myself was in the hospital bc a car almost killed me(yay 24th birthday!) really I have most fun when I celebrate my birthday alone at disneyland, which I do every year although not on my actual birthday bc it seems that on my actual birthday I’m always caught up in some kind of hospital, or receiving bad news.
28. honestly idk if i have any like crazy out there fetishes, like dirty talk and rough sex is cool but like idk if i really have like one odd thing. I mean one of my exes and I got hella drunk one night and decided to do all the shit we had wanted to do and lemmi tell you that was a full weekend of endless orgasms and take out food. It was amazing. I had rope burn on my thighs and was sore for a week after and he had like a million hickies from his neck to his dick.
29. okay turn ons so like these depend on the person im seeing, like for one person their voice as they whisper in my ear might end me while for another the way they bite their lip and run their fingers through their hair might have me thinking of how those fingers might feel on me. so really I don’t have like one singular set of turn ons they just vary depending on the person.
30.OHHH TURN OFFS THO. so these will literally dry me up like the Sahara desert and make me grab my shit and leave kyle’s house. If I say "men are trash” and the guy replies with “well not all men.... “ yeah ya cancelled. okay this one is shallow I know but its there and i really cant get past it, bad dental hygiene. the white ppl who try to have dreadlocks but really they haven’t washed their hair. ANY NON BLACK PERSON SAYING THE N WORD. I can go on really bc I’m super picky with the people I sleep with and i have actually mid thrust have told a guy to stop, got dressed, left and blocked him.
35. Things i wish I could stop doing, okay so like as yall know my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes and I wish I could stop the nail biting. Also I need to stop expecting my body to go back to how it was before my car accident, like my spine is forever hurt and i really have to learn to accept that there are somethings i just cant do anymore and its not my fault there are limitations on my body so i should stop expecting to be able to go back to the gym like i used to, or do all the adventurous activities i used to do, also I wish I could go back to driving like i used to without the PTSD fear running through me every time a big rig is next to me on the freeway.
36, okay so as of rn my guilty pleasure is that I read the twilight books bc my roommates got me into it and like holy shit i went through the whole saga in less than a weekend and I now need to rewatch the movies. honestly thank god for this gay twilight renaissance I’m living. But really tumblr is full of my guilty pleasures so like just scroll through my blog bc its all there, half of this shit is not on any of my public social media,.... or wait actually i think it is, i don’t really hide who i am so like it definitely has affected the way people judge me before they really know me but i know the people that are my friends after seeing the shit i post kinda really like me.
37. Damn okay so this is kinda, ugh, okay so im sure my best friend is tired of me running back to this person but like i like ppl who ruin me i guess. So this person and I started dating after i had gone through like a horrible breakup, AND I got the news that my uterus is like a war zone for new cells(make of that what you will). Anyways here I am five months into a depressive episode i cut off all the people that i had thought were friends but who turned out to abandon me when i needed them the most. so here enters this person with their puppy dog love and gives me wonderful dirty kinky sex along with the hugs, cuddles, after care and takes me to these cool experiences in the city I thought I knew. They support my dreams and help me work towards them, honestly it was a great three months, but this person told me they loved me one night while at a night club and i thought hey youre drunk pls don’t do this and honestly it was mostly cowardliness that drove me to end it bc i didn’t feel the same way and i felt like i didnt deserve this new pure love i was receiving. Anyways we hooked up a bit after we broke up and then they started dating someone else and we just kinda saw other people but would come back to each other after our different flings ended, until they got into like a real relationship with some one else and like I was cool like they deserve it, could have used a heads up but like i keep my space like the respectful person that i am, although lately this person has told me they are not into the person they are with and has been hitting me up and like the part of me that thinks im in love with them is really pushing for me to go for it but also they ARE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ITS NOT OKAY THAT THEY ARE SENDING ME MESSAGES LIKE THIS!! so anyways i think im more in love with the feeling they brought me those few months we were together bc i was just so fucking depressed and they helped pull me out of the hole i was in. So not really in love with the person but with the feeling i guess.
38. songs that remind me of people. oh god, yall can i just make a spotify playlist and link it later bc theres so many. I have a few songs for like everyone that I know that i can make playlists for individual people so like i’ll just link a playlist when get around to it pls remind me later.
39. OHHHH BOYYY. things i wish i had known earlier. i wish i had known men are trash earlier in life so that i would have been somewhat prepared for the men that caused trauma in my life. I also wish i had known how little time i had with certain people. (people i regret not making more time with) Also wish I had known about the accident that had me in a hospital on my birthday bc a year later im still plagued by nightmares, PTSD, and anxiety on the road. I also wish I had known about my cousin’s accident. GOd if there’s one thing i’ve had to learn the hard way this past year is that we never know when it will be the last time we see our loved ones and that we have GOT to tell them we love them bc we NEVER know when it will be the last time.
40.okay last one, the end of something in my life. I wanna talk about a good ending bc i feel like yall got some insight on bad shit so like good endings i’d say is when i left socal for norcal. I come back literally anytime im homesick but like it was a huge step for me to take to leave, I was given a full scholarship to the wilderness and an apartment thats a ten min walk to the beach. It was definitely hard leaving all my friends and family behind but it was also kind of refreshing to be able to go out on my own to make my own path and do something i love. im back in socal for the summer and although im so happy to be back in the warmth of LA im definitely looking forward to my small apartment that constantly smells like a mix of sea breeze and damp forest.
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Best Chef USA (reupload)
I deleted this so I could submit it to a magazine then realized it was too long for said magazine.
Recently, CNN introduced a new network, CNN Lifestyle. On this less-news-focused channel, reality shows such as “Lasting Love,” in which a newlywed couple is locked in a dimly lit, windowless room for six months and they are not allowed contact with anyone except each other, “Doing Time,” in which college students are separated into two groups, prisoners and prison guards and hilarious antics ensue, and “Where There be Dragons?” in which participants are blinded and thrown from a moving vehicle in the middle of a nature reserve on the island of Komodo are aired. The undisputed breakout hit on the network is “Best Chef USA,” a cooking competition show filmed on a cruise ship in international waters. Some critics argue that the success of this otherwise formulaic show is due almost entirely to an episode that aired last month. Nearly every major news program covered the episode, especially the programs aired on CNN, many of which devoted five straight months of programming to talking about it exclusively. It has been called one of the most controversial, disgusting, horrifying, culturally insensitive, and inhumane events in the history of television and many analysts and fans speculate that it will be a turning point in the history of reality TV.
The episode began, as most do, with the announcer saying, “Previously on Best Chef USA,” followed by a disorienting, fast-paced series of statements and reaction shots from the previous episode.
“He did what?”
“Todays featured ingredient is the humble banana.”
“I can’t believe it.”
“This is a disaster.”
“I can’t find my eggs.”
“Alright, I’m putting a pizza in the oven.”
“If you go home, I’ll eat my toes.”
“This is a disaster.”
Then a much longer clip was shown. There was something that had happened last week that the producers had told the editor to emphasize.
In the Best Chef Kitchen, Kevin and Mary stood before the judges’ table. Their dishes had been deemed the two worst of that episode. The five other contestants stood behind them. Behind the other contestants were the ten cooking stations that they used to prepare their dishes. The stations were set up in five rows of two, all facing towards the front of the room at the judges’ table. Everyone in the room who didn’t already know which of the two would be eliminated waited anxiously to find out. The three judges, Dan Stevenson, Less Famous Chef #1, and Less Famous Chef #2, looked at each other and then Dan looked at Kevin. “Kevin,” Dan said, “You’ve been eliminated. Please lay down your Kitchenaid Classic Nylon Slotted Turner.”
“I understand. I would have made the same choice,” said Mary, “for my parents, to make them proud.” She knew that the more she brought up her recently deceased parents, the more sympathy she would get from the audience, which would translate into support from the producers.
Kevin walked to the judges’ table and placed his spatula in the center. Then he turned around to exit the room, but on his way out he slipped on a banana peel, causing him to yell out “whoa,” throw his arms up into the air, and fall over. In post-production, the sound of a slide whistle was added. On his way down, he hit his head on the corner of a cooking station. His skull split open and the corner of the cooking station found its way inside. Blood came gushing out and a small amount of his brain came out as well. He was dead before he hit the ground.
One of the contestants, Jenny, said “This is a disaster.” The theme music began to play and the introduction was shown.
“Six chefs remain, all competing for some money, a handshake, and the title of Best Chef USA.”
The contestants were all shown one by one. They smiled and folded their arms. Each was accompanied by The Best Chef USA logo, fire against a black background, and his or her name and a brief description read by the announcer.
“Mary, a slightly overweight fifty-five-year-old with dead parents that she will stop at nothing to impress.”
“Victor, an intimidatingly handsome thirty-five-year old who you should hate with all of your being.”
“Kelsey, an attractive but non-threatening eighteen-to-thirty-four-year-old with blonde-dyed-hair.”
“Hank, a thirty-six-year-old man’s man who never goes anywhere without his trusty cowboy hat and sunglasses.”
“Louise, a forty-two-year-old Danish immigrant to the United States with dreams of opening her own restaurant.”
“Jenny.”
The intro ended and all of the competing chefs were shown sitting in a circle on the deck of the ship and looking at the ground. “This is a disaster,” Jenny said. The other chefs looked at her, slightly annoyed and also surprised. They had forgotten that she was still there.
“I ain’t never want to see someone’s body open up like that again,” Hank said, then he smiled and added, “unless it’s Kelsey’s sweet little p***y.”
Everyone looked at him. They were all completely disgusted and profoundly uncomfortable, none more so than Kelsey, who had never felt more unsafe in her life. Before the episode aired, however, the clip was edited together with another clip of everyone laughing. The producers had decided early on in the season that they couldn’t afford to make Hank the villain. He appealed to an important demographic: boyfriends and husbands of people who watch the show.
The screen cut to a confessional with Louise. “I can’t believe what happened to Kevin. He was just such a nice guy. That was such a terrible thing. I just-” Her eyes were welling up. She began to cry.
Although she didn’t hear it over her own sobbing, the producers were whispering to her from behind the camera, “Say it again but more Danish. Again, but more Danish. Say it like you just left Daneland.”
Then she looked into the camera and said, “and what the f**k is wrong with Ha-”
The screen cut to another confessional, this time with the producer-and-editor-designated villain, Victor. “What the f**k is wrong with Hank? Seriously. I really hope that *sshole gets what’s coming to him. I can’t stand that guy.” After this, he added, “No one here can,” but that was edited out in favor of a clip of him saying “And what’s up with Jenny? I don’t think I’ve heard her say anything other than ‘this is a disaster’ for the last few weeks.” The confessional was cut before he said, “I really hope she’s okay.”
The next confessional was with Jenny. “This is a disaster.”
After that was Hank. “I ain’t gonna apologize just for bein’ me. Yall should know I came here to win.” Instead of somehow connecting the two thoughts or saying something else or providing context, he tipped his cowboy hat, pulled his sunglasses down, smiled, and winked repeatedly until a producer told him to leave. Hank was from suburban Connecticut.
Mary went next. “Kevin is dead now, just like my parents. They died shortly before I came on this show, as I’ve said.” She had said it before in nearly every confessional. “Now I’m not only going to win this for them, I’m gonna win this for Kevin, who was like another parent to me even though he was thirty-three years younger than me. He had an old soul, that kid, and I can only hope he’s up there with Jesus and my parents in heaven.” She dabbed her eyes with a napkin, but there were no tears. “I just can’t deal with three people who were so important to me dying from such horrible, banana-peel-related deaths… Well four if you count cousin Louie, but that wasn’t my ba- never mind.”
Finally, Kelsey’s confessional was shown. What she actually said was “Hank is, like, such a creep. I really don’t feel safe around him. Does he think he’s funny or something? Why does he get away with all this stuff? Everyone here knows he’s a creep. Why hasn’t he been kicked off the ship?” but the confessional was edited to make her say, “Hank is, like, – funny or something?”
The confessionals were over and the contestants were all shown entering the Best Chef USA Kitchen. They all took their places standing in front of the cooking stations. Each had a small table to his or her right with knife on it. At the front of the room was a red curtain concealing that week’s featured ingredient. The host, Isabella Schell stepped out from behind the curtain. She was a slender brunette woman in a black dress who always seemed to have her right hand on her hip. Her mouth seemed to be stuck in a smile that always seemed pleasant at first, but, if anyone looked at it for too long, he or she became increasingly uncomfortable and almost got the feeling of staring into a void and that everything had suddenly, quietly become nothing. For this reason, long shots of her were rarely used. Whenever she spoke, she made broad gestures with her left hand and sometimes shifted her weight from one leg to the other.
“Hello, chefs.” They all tried to avoid looking directly at her mouth. “Today we have a very special surprise. We will be cooking something that has never been cooked before on Best Chef USA.” Because this was the first season, this statement itself did not do anything for the chefs. “But before I introduce that, we have a very special guest judge for today’s proceedings.” She walked behind the curtain. After a few seconds she jumped out and shouted “Me.” The chefs were surprised, mainly because they had never seen her shout or jump before. She didn’t really care what their reactions were; she was getting paid extra for this either way and any anticlimax would be overshadowed by what was about to happen. “Now, then,” she said, “your ingredient for this week is…” the curtain behind her fell, revealing Kevin’s naked, lifeless, cured body hanging upside-down from meat hooks “… Kevin.”
The contestants stared at the corpse. The throat had been cut and the blood drained. The body had mostly been skinned, but the producers had chosen to leave the skin of the head and neck there to make it clear to any viewers who missed last week’s episode and tuned in late that he was no longer a part of the competition. At the request of standards and practices, his genitalia had been cut off.
Louise gasped and went pale. The other contestants suppressed their reactions. Each one of them thought to his or herself some variation of “I’m going to win this, no matter what.”
“In parts of Polynesia, human flesh prepared for consumption is referred to as ‘long pig’ because of its similarity to pork,” Isabella said. She didn’t actually know if this was true or what “Polynesia” was, but the producers told her to say it, so she did.
The screen cut to a confessional with Kelsey. “When I saw that we had to cook long pig, I was like ‘ew,’ but then I was like, ‘not ew’ ‘cause it’s just meat, you know?”
The screen cut back to the kitchen and the three usual judges, Dan Stevenson, Less Famous Chef #1, and Less Famous Chef #2, walked out and stood next to the body. Dan was a celebrity chef and owner of the renowned restaurant, Food for your Fat Fucking Face. He was beloved the world over and considered one of the top authorities on food and undeniably more famous than the other two judges. His face was a constant grimace and his forehead had more wrinkles in it than anyone else he had ever met. When he wasn’t talking, his teeth were almost always clenched, even when he was at his most relaxed.
Less Famous Chef #1, also called LFC#1 had an emaciated figure, a dirty beard, and a constant odor that never seemed to get any better, but he wasn’t always like that. He used to be a beloved celebrity chef as well and owned the restaurant Good Ingredients, Great Eats, but he lost everything when Dan chose to open a second Food for your Fat Fucking Face with dramatically reduced prices right next to Good Ingredients, Great Eats and do regular meet and greets and autograph signings at the new location. After Good Ingredients, Great Eats went out of business and LFC#1 went bankrupt he began living on the streets and eating scraps, pigeons, rats, stray cats and dogs, and whatever he found in trash cans and dumpsters, which, where he lived, was usually scraps, pigeons, rats, and stray cats and dogs. He lived in Connecticut. Gradually, the general public forgot that he had ever existed. When this happened, Dan changed his prices back to the way they were in the original location and stopped showing up at the second location.
Less Famous Chef #2 or LFC#2, unlike the other two, had never been famous or even particularly successful in any regard before the show started. He was added as the third judge because the producers couldn’t find any other famous or once-famous chefs who would work for as little money as LFC#1 and under the same conditions.
Dan opened his mouth to speak, but LFC#2 spoke first. “As a person of Polynesian descent, I just want to say that this is a very poor representation of my people’s culture. I’m here for this episode because I’m contractually obligated to be and I need the money, not because I’m okay with what’s happening.” This statement would be edited out before air. One of the sources of controversy for the episode would come from people of Polynesian descent saying that the episode was disrespectful, with LFC#2 in particular taking a lot of heat from his own people for seeming to be complicit in it. This controversy would briefly make Less Famous Chef #2 the most famous chef on the show.
Dan shot LFC#2 a dirty look, but LFC#2 couldn’t tell the difference between that and a normal look from Dan. Then Dan said, “As was said before, you will be cooking with the Polynesian ingredient, long pig. Just do whatever it is you normally do with pork.”
Isabella looked at the contestants and said, “Alright chefs, are you ready? Everyone grab your Victorinox 47508 3-¼-Inch Paring Knife.” She paused and then said, “Go.”
The contestants all grabbed the knives in front of them and, with the exception of Louise, ran over to Kevin’s body. Louise walked slowly, not sure if what she was seeing was really happening and desperately hoping that she was about to wake up. At the body, the contestants were all frantically trying to get the best cuts of meat. The cameraman struggled to get a good angle.
In the chaos, while Hank tried to avoid looking at or getting any cuts from the buttocks, taint, or general crotch area, someone bumped into him and his knife was pushed into his side. “Aw, s**t.”
“This is a disaster,” Jenny said when she saw the wound.
The cameraman made sure to get a good shot of it. Hank pulled it out and, blood flowing from the wound, continued cutting meat off of Kevin’s body, swearing the whole time.
When Louise got to the corpse, most of the other contestants were already gone. She wasn’t looking in that direction, but she saw them run by, could hear each individual footstep as they scurried back to their stations, and saw the trail of blood left by Hank. Almost all of the good cuts were gone. Even, the face skin, the eyes, the intestines, and some of the bones were missing. The ribs in particular looked like they had been violently ripped out. Pieces of flesh were hanging off of various places. She thought that maybe if she made a dish she had fond memories of it would take her mind off of what she was actually doing. She decided to make something from her youth, Flæskesteg. The producers were always telling her to make something Danish anyway. She started hyperventilating when she cut into the back of the neck.
Back at the stations, Mary was chopping the ribs into smaller segments when a cameraman approached her. “I’m making deconstructed ribs,” she said “It was one of my dead parents’ favorite dishes and I’m doing it to honor them.” Her parents never had deconstructed ribs.
“I’m making deconstructed pork chops,” Kelsey said. “It’s like, I don’t know, you know? NBD. JK I’m actually super stressed. I’ve never worked with pork or long pig before.” She forced herself to laugh a little. “How have I never worked with pork before? Pork chops are supposed to have eyes, right?” Kelsey was thirty-four.
“I may be bleeding a lot, but I ain’t out yet,” said Hank, struggling to speak. “I’m making deconstructed bacon.” He coughed. “That’s man food for all you at home.”
“I’m making deconstructed sausage.” Victor said. “I accidentally cut myself with the knife and some of my blood got in there, but it doesn’t seem like a big deal, you know, considering-”
A producer ran up to him and whispered in his ear, “Hey, I know this is short notice, but we’re sponsored by Crest. We’re gonna need you to integrate this into the dish.” He handed him a tube of toothpaste and left as quickly as he came.
“Uh,” said Victor
“This is a disaster,” said Jenny.
Kelsey banged her hand on the station and loudly said “Is it, Jenny? Is it a disaster? Is it a disaster like, like, everything else that you always say is a disaster?”
“Yes. I forgot to bring my cuts of meat back with me,” Jenny said.
“Oh, okay.” said Kelsey. She went back to cooking.
Louise had just finished rubbing salt onto her cuts of meat when she began to feel more and more nauseous. “I can’t do this,” she said and she threw up all over her station and her meat.
Then Dan started walking around and looking at everybody’s progress. He walked up to Victor and asked him, “What’s this and what are you using to make it?”
“I’m making deconstructed sausage and I’m using Kevin’s intestines and-”
“I’m sorry. You’re using what intestines?”
“Kevin’s, the featured-”
“Kevin the human being?”
“Uh. Well, yes.” Victor was confused.
Dan’s voice began to rise. “You’re cooking a human being? That is f**king disgusting.”
“But you knew about it. You were just over there talking about-”
Dan started to yell. “No wonder you’re the f**king villain this season. You’re cooking a human being and you’re disrespecting me, Dan f**king Stevenson.” He pointed to his own forehead. “Have you ever seen this many f**king forehead wrinkles? You’re disrespecting a man with more forehead wrinkles than you can even f**king count.”
There was an uncomfortable silence, then Victor said “Wait. I’m the villain?”
A producer came over and whispered in his ear. “So far, each of the other contestants has said something in confessionals that, in the right context, could be construed as negative about you and you’ve said things in confessionals that, in the right context, could be construed as negative about each of them.”
The other contestants looked at each other. They all had assumed that, if anyone was the villain, it was Hank.
Meanwhile, Hank, having lost a lot of blood, was struggling to finish his deconstructed bacon without falling over. “Just need to…” He dumped the separated fat and rind from the pan onto a plate. “There.” He passed out.
Mary was the only one besides the cameraman who saw this happen. Having determined that the ribs did not have enough meat on them, she had been trying to think of something else to add to the dish. When she was sure no one was looking, she approached Hank with a chef’s knife. After stomping on his head and kicking him a few times to make sure that he wouldn’t wake up, she pulled up his left pant leg and started cutting off his calf. A cameraman turned towards her just in time to capture all of this, but the clip didn’t make it to air. The producers wanted her to remain a likable character.
Louise had been curled up in the fetal position on the floor since she threw up. Finally, she got up and said, “I have to go. I have to leave,” and started to walk away. She heard someone walking towards her. A producer grabbed her arm and whispered in her ear, “You signed a contract.”
“I don’t care.”
“You’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean. Where do you think you’re going to go?”
She curled up in the fetal position on the floor again.
A few minutes later, the time was up. “All right, chefs, let’s see what you’ve got,” said Dan.
The judges all sat down at the table. From left to right, the order was Dan Stevenson, Less Famous Chef #1, Less Famous Chef #2, and Isabella Schell. The first person to submit his dish was Victor. “I made deconstructed sausa-”
“Made from Kevin, you sick f**k,” said Dan.
“Well everybody made stuff from-” Victor began.
“Shut up.” Dan grabbed the dish out of his hands.
Victor, hoping to stop being presented as the villain, decided not to say anything back to him.
After sampling the dish, Dan said, “Is this toothpaste?” A producer whispered something in his ear. “Because it’s delicious,” Dan continued. “I love Crest Complete Whitening Plus Scope. That being said, the rest of the dish is terrible.”
He passed the dish on to LFC#1, who ate everything on the plate and yelled “This is the best food I’ve ever had.”
“Wait, but we-” LFC#2 started.
“It’s fine,” Isabella said. “I just ate and I don’t actually know anything about food. I just know how to host.”
Next, Kelsey was called up to submit her dish. “I made deconstructed pork chops.”
Dan sampled the dish. “It’s very nice,” he said. “The eyes add an interesting taste and texture that I don’t think I’ve ever had in a pork chop, before. But I’m a little disappointed at the lack of hashtags and emojis. That’s what you kids like, right?”
“Yes,” Kelsey replied.
He passed the plate along to LFC#1, who ate the whole thing and yelled, “This is the best food I’ve ever had.”
After that, Jenny was called up. “I forgot to make something,” she said.
“That’s fine, we just won’t consider eliminating you,” said Dan.
“This isn’t a disaster.”
LFC#2 and LFC#1 looked at each other. LFC#2 was confused and frustrated by Dan’s decision and LFC#1 was sad that there would be one less dish to eat.
Mary was called up next. “I made deconstructed ribs,” she said, “just like my parents used to love.”
“What’s this extra meat?” Dan asked, pointing to Hank’s calf-meat.
“Just a little something special my parents used to make for me,” she said. Her parents never made her human calf-meat.
Dan sampled the dish and said, “This may be the best dish you’ve made so far. You’ve really come back strong after last week’s disappointment.”
LFC#1 grabbed the dish, ate everything on it and yelled, “This is the best food I’ve ever had.”
Next, it was Hank’s turn, but he was dead, so an intern dragged his body up to the judges’ table, presented his dish and said, “It looks like deconstructed bacon.”
Dan sampled it and, addressing Hank’s corpse, said, “It’s very simple, basic, even, but there is something to it that can’t be denied.”
LFC#1 grabbed everything off the plate, shoved it into his mouth and, with his mouth full, said, “This is the best food I’ve ever had.”
The intern dragged Hank’s body back to the cooking station
Finally, it was time for Louise to present her dish. She was no longer in the fetal position, crying. Now, she was lying on her back, looking at the ceiling. She didn’t care that Kevin was dead anymore. She didn’t care that they were assigned to cook him. She didn’t care that she had sliced into his neck and ruined one of her favorite childhood dishes for herself. She had lost all feeling and all desire for anything. The fifth time her name was called, she stood up and, with an expressionless face, scraped the raw meat and vomit onto a plate. She walked up to the judges and dropped the dish onto the table in front of Dan, causing some of the vomit to splash onto both of them.
“What is this?” Dan asked.
“Neck-meat and throw up,” Louise said.
Dan looked at her for a bit and said, “Tell me, if most of the food on my plate is already digested, why should I put in the effort to digest it myself?”
Louise shrugged.
LFC#1 grabbed the plate, ate the meat, licked the vomit off, and yelled, “This is the best food I’ve ever had.”
After Louise walked back to her station, the next segment began. It was the part where the judges talked about which two contestants should be considered for elimination and the contestants pretended not to hear them. Although the other judges were allowed to name candidates, it was Dan and the producers that ultimately decided who wouldn’t make it to next week.
“Louise and Victor, definitely,” Dan said. “One of them threw up and one of them cooked a human being.”
“Well, every contestant cooked a human being,” LFC#2 said. Dan looked at him and bared his teeth, but he continued anyway. “And I think Jenny should be considered too.”
“Why’s that?” asked Dan in a more aggressive tone than usual.
“She didn’t even hand in a dish,” said LFC#2, slightly surprised at Dan’s response.
LFC#1 nodded in agreement, but Dan didn’t see it.
Dan looked at the table took a deep breath and then looked at the two other judges. “Tell me, excluding the numbers, what’s the name you both share?”
LFC#1 was silent. LFC#2 hesitated, and then said “Less Famous Chef?”
“That’s right,” Dan said, “and who was the one who made both of you change your names in exchange for the privilege of being a judge on this show with me?”
“You did.” LFC#2 said.
“And out of all of us at this table, who gets the biggest paycheck? Not only the one with the highest number on it, but physically the largest?”
“You do.” LFC#2 said.
“Why is it that I was allowed to demand that both of you have your names legally changed? Why was I allowed to demand the largest amount of money? Why was I allowed to demand that the means by which I get that money be so big that it takes both of you and eight interns to carry it into the bank for me?” His voice was growing louder. “Why was I allowed to demand that you not use vehicles or animals when delivering the check, but have to walk all the way from the dock to the bank on foot?” He was practically screaming now. “Why on God’s green s**tstained c*mbucket called Earth was I allowed to demand that ten additional interns pull me in a chariot alongside the check to make sure that nothing goes wrong and that if something does go wrong, that whichever of you f**kers is at fault be stoned half to death and have your pay reduced by a third and have that amount be added to my next paycheck? Why was I allowed to demand so many f**king interns? Why do I have more wrinkles on my forehead than you? Why am I so much more important than you?” After a brief silence, he screamed, “They’re not f**king trick questions. All of them have the same simple f**king answer.”
“Because you’re the most famous,” LFC#2 half-whispered, avoiding eye contact.
“And so who should get to choose who gets eliminated and who stays?”
LFC#2 looked at the ground. He knew the producers had final say, but wishing to avoid further conflict and name-changes, said “You…”
Dan yelled as loud as he ever had before, “You’re G*ddamn, motherf**king, weasel-c*cksucking, Tyrannosaurus-s**t-eating right. We can’t negatively judge a dish we haven’t even f**king eaten can we? What the f**k kind of judging is that?” His voice returned to normal volume and he looked at LFC#1, who was cowering under the table, and he patted him on the back. “Sorry if I scared you, Less Famous Chef #1. That was directed at Less Famous Chef #2. You’ve been a good boy. You can come out.”
LFC#2 chose not to bring up the fact that Dan had negatively judged Louise’s dish without eating it.
The surviving contestants, excluding Louise, shuffled uncomfortably.
All of that made it to air.
Dan said, “Louise, Victor, get over here.”
They did as they were told
The four judges looked at each other, then Dan looked at Victor. “Victor,” he said, “you’re-”
He stopped when a producer ran up and whispered in his ear, “Wait until the last few episodes, we need a villain.”
“-not eliminated. Louise is. Please lay down your Kitchenaid Classic Nylon Slotted Turner, Louise.”
Louise walked up to the table and dropped the spatula on it, then turned and walked out of the kitchen, narrowly avoiding the banana peel left by Mary. At this point in the broadcast, the credits rolled.
“Next Week on Best Chef USA”
“This is the second week in a row that someone has not handed in a dish,” Dan said.
The camera panned to Hank’s decaying corpse.
The screen then cut to Jenny and Mary standing in front of the judges’ table.
“Jenny,” Dan said, “You’ve been eliminated. Please lay down your Kitchenaid Classic Nylon Slotted Turner.”
“This is a disaster.”
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Single Father Lucifer Au
Time to discuss the timeline babies!! We are going to be discussing the timeline, what paper Lilith plays in here, and who is Lucifer’s spouse and what happened to them.
Trigger warning: Mentions of death and grieving.
Lucifer got married relatively young to his spouse. He was around 24 years old and his spouse was 22. Their first anniversary was not yet upon them when Lucifer got the amazing news that they were going to have a baby! He was so happy when he found out, he picked up his spouse and twirled them around as they both laughing and happy tears accumulated in his eyes. He was going to be a father!
Tho, this happiness was nowhere near the same one he felt when Mammon was born. This man full on cried as he held Mammon close and kissed his spouses head. Never in his life was he so happy as that moment...which kind of fueled his decision to get another kid.
Because Mammon was not yet 1 year old when Lucifer’s spouse announced they were pregnant again! And from no other than our little Otaku baby!! (What are they eating for the boys to get out with such unique hairstyles.)
While Mammons birth had become more swift, Levi was a little less eager to come out to the world. Even without being born yet Levi refused to come out of his “room”, for the took TEN HOURS TO BE BORN!
The whole time Lucifer was carrying and distracting Mammon while his nerves ate him up. But finally Levi was born! The first thing he did was start crying, Levi knew the he was going to be a normie baby for a while and didn't want that at all XD. (Fun fact, for the first few years, Levi and Mammon shared a room, and even if they fought, whenever Lucifer went to check up on them, he could find them sleeping next to each other)
Afterwards Satan was born when Lucifer had 27 ears. And oh boy, our little wrath boy made Lucifer’s spouse be nauseous, plus he kicked a lot. Like, A LOT! He was already mad with the world and throwing tantrums left and right all the time...and that was something he did even after he was born. Lucifer was going in 3 hours of sleep everyday because Satan would wake up in the middle of the night to cry. Thankfully, it was never a sickness or anything like that, turns out that the boy just wanted to be constantly picked up and stuff.
Then when Lucifer was 28 and Mammon 3, Asmodeus dropped in! He was, from the three that were already born, the easiest one to take care of. Yes, be wanted affection and attention most of the time and was a drama queen since baby but he was still easier to take care of than Satan.
Now, Lucifer was not expect at all to have twins, the possibility never crossed trough his head...but...life is full of surprises and wouldn't you know, now there were two more babies on the way!
After the twins were born, Lucifer and his spouse decided that they were not going to try for another kid...but oh boy wouldn't you know, on Lucifer´s 30 birthday his spouse told him that they were expecting another child! A little later Lucifer and his spouse found out that the baby they were expecting was a girl! After having 6 boys it would be an understatement to say they were not absolutely delighted by those news.
But...sadly that happiness didn't last, because a few months later, Lucifer had to bury both of them.
Now, things were difficult for Lucifer during this time,Mammon was only five years old at the time, Beel and Belphie had just turned one, his work was not paying enough to sustain the seven of them.
It took them a while, but Lucifer managed to keep his family together during the whole thing. )During this process he meet Simeon and Solomon who helped him with taking care of kids whenever he needed to stay late for work and couldn't contact a nanny)
(For your consideration, cousin Luke and uncle Simeon taking care of the six little gremlins and baking cookies and stuff!)
After Lucifer turned 36 and the twins turned 7, Solomon and Simeon convinced Lucifer to accept a new job offer which paid better. Lucifer was hesitant at first because it meant he needed to move but all of the kiddies were actually excited about this!
They moved to a bigger house and Lucifer started his new, were he meet Barbatos and Diavolo, he was his boss and became his most trusted friend in a matter 3 months, maybe less.
Also, Diavolo is REALLY with the kids. specially with Mammon, Asmodeus and Beel. Those three really love it when he comes over to watch over them or to just “get some papers from Lucifer”.
“...how many times has he come to get some pappers from dad and ended up staying for dinner?” Belphegor once asked Satan as they watched Diavolo help Lucifer prepare dinner. “137 times.” “...you counted them?” “ ┐( -_- )┌ ”
(Also, the first time one of the kids refered to Diavolo as dad the man was so fucking happy he called Lucifer yelling all excitedly, making Lucifer’s heart feel so fucking full knowing that his kids were actually liking Diavolo)
Dear @thetyrannt commented they wanted more Single Father Luci and how can i say no?! Plus, it was time i made the timeline...tho this one inst that good...good luck understanding it XD. Anyways, i hope y’all enjoyed this. (Also, thank you to those who sent me asks, rn imma go to bed but i will answer one that is still in my asks tomorrow, thank yall :3) Stay safe dears! Good night lmao
#obey me#oney me!#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#oney me leviathan#obey me levi#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me asmo#obey me beel#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphie#obey me belphegor#obey me dialuci
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blonde & bubbly : 10.29
in this episode: a recap of the hills at the one year mark and the most recent awards
sabine: hello and welcome to very first episode of blonde and bubbly! i’m sabine al-masri and i’m here with my lovely cohost, business partner, and beautiful fellow blonde madison ware.
madi: hi everyone! Like Sabine just said, I’m madison and i’m so excited to be here today and chat with you guys today! For the very first episode of our new podcast we’re going to do a little recap of everything that happened to past year on the show, to celebrate the one year anniversary of the reboot!
sabine: so since i have only been here since june, madi will cover the first half of the hills and i will cover the second, so madi, the floor is yours. also, today’s podcast is sponsored by veuve clicquot, madi and i will be opening and drinking a nice bottle of 2008 vintage brut rose on today’s airing.
madi: thank you peach! so when the reboot of the show started back in november 2016, there was a completely different atmosphere if i can say so. A lot of the first cast members left, i think there less than ten original members left? Kazi got with Mia in december and Finn was with a girl named Kate. The first couple of the show were Brenda and Miguel, i cant exactly remember if they got together at her iconic birthday party or not. Miguel was such a funny guy, he always had jokes and was nice to see on the timeline. They’re both parents now. A few weeks later came Sonny, Quentin and Noemi, some of the most appreciated cast members here. Then Sawyer,Sabrina, Xavier and Thomas. Thomas and I rapidly got close and became best friends, although people always said we had a thing and were dating, which was not true. we were also in a sorta triangle love type of thing. at the time i was helping a friend, named kai, who needed a fake girlfriend. so of course i said id do it and pretend to be with him and all. but i was very close to thomas, and everyone could see it. they thought i was cheating on kai with thomas, sawyer even came at me for this, i remember it perfectly. then kai left and thomas’ kid was born and he got with riley. i had this thing with a guy named reese, but he was always fighting with everyone on the timeline and never actually happy? i remember nobody understood what i liked in him. He was actually a very nice guy, but had definitely a lot of issues.
sabine: and for the second half of the hills recap, i have a shit memory so i’ll be using things from gossip as highlights. i don’t remember much from the beginning of my time here, but there was that raf, kai, bella drama i remember. that love triangle. that was kana was a huge player too, and him and erin had their drama. sawyer was with aiden, yaya and carina were that on and off thing.
madi: then summer came along and we got a lot of new people, including toni, aries & adrian. a lot of the old problematic cast left, thank god. things were rather calm at that moment. I think just a few weeks before that i broke up with reese and then we almost got officially back together but he cheated on me with one of my friends, so i was having kind of a rough time. but i got back on my feet and traveled and forgot about him.
sabine: It was also around that time that Antigone joined the show, right? funny story here, we used to be friends and then i hated her and now we’re the best of friends again. i didn’t like her “married men” phase and not a lot of people did either, i remember she got a lot of shit for it. larkin was a cry baby back then and so was astraea. some anon i remember called atlas and jinyoung from the start so congrats to that anon. i never knew that erin was pregnant with kana’s baby, was that true?
madi: Acutally i still dont know if this is true or not!
sabine: there was that huge baby fever eruption over the summer and people had those stupid rumors about kazi cheating on mia. can i just say? to anyone who thinks kazi and mia would ever cheat on each other? you’re an idiot. oh, elijah got mugged right? that was wild.
madi: the cheating rumors have been here since the start and they’re just..pathetic. It’s sad to think that someone spent a year sending those to a gossip. and it’s so sad to see two of your close friends go through that. i also forgot to mention, the golden couple had their wedding back in july. it was a beautiful ceremony, however, like at every events on this show, someone acted like a fool and made it all about them. that someone? is crazy astronaut girl. yes, astraea. i think she broke her hand at the reception then wouldnt stop complaining about it. she was probably in a fight with blayze.
sabine: he has a thing with astraea! she was literally in love with him. dean and barbie were together at that point. i think thomas and i were dating at this point too, it was kind of on and off around the time of the wedding. okay here’s another anon i want to point out. “who the fuck is libby and why do people like her”. to answer that libby is an amazing human being and people don’t like her, they love her. javon and naomi were a thing. jagger and thorne became athing. sofia and finn were a thing. antigone and raf had their beef.
madi: astraea was obsessed with blayze and with the idea of having a boyfriend really. there were a lot of couples at that time, and they all broke up a few weeks later.
sabine: and this part is gold, when asked who the cutest couples were, gossip responded “gia & fitz, aiden & sawyer, finn & sofia.” that just shows you how far we’ve traveled. and people thought bryce was some kind of casanova who went around breaking hearts for fun, which couldn’t be further from the truth. a few weeks later aries and toni got together and stayed together for a while, until she broke things off. another bashir joined the show too, Abel. he and sabrina immediately got into a relationships. around the same time or so, antigone and adrian had broken up, again. and missy joined the show. she had a thing with him, and sadly left because she didnt feel welcomed.
madi: then fall came along and some people from the past came back, like effy, cyrus and sofia. and this is where im going to stop the recap, because if you’ve watched a few recent episodes of the show, you know what happened. if you havent, you can always watch them all online on mtv’s website!
sabine: and now moving on to last night’s awards, there are some that i saw and was like bullshit, you know? what did you think mads?
madi: i think the reactions we inevitable! i kinda expected them and thought i wouldnt be surprised by the results of the votes, but i was.
sabine: the first award that kind of threw me off guard was the most under appreciated one, i don’t know how rallo weaseled his way in there but i don’t think he should have placed. i mean if people really got to know him the way i have, i would say there’s not much to appreciate.
madi: really? i love rallo, he’s one of my best friends. he knows literally everything about me. i didnt expect people to vote for him tho, but im actually happy they did. i see a lot of his tweets that arent about his idiotic musicallys get unanswered and it angers me. i hate when people here ignore others.
sabine: for cutest couple, i would have placed q, sonny and noemi in first place. they’ve just always been constant and loving and i don’t think, as far as i can remember, them having issues. so i think they should have at least tied for first, or been first.
madi: i think it wasnt a surpise that mia and kazi won. what i was surprised to see tho is that antigone and adrian won, seeing by the anons on the gossip i never knew people really thought they were cute or so. it’s nice to see them top a couple like mazi. i also completely agree with what you said on quentin, noemi and sonny, we love an unproblematic couple. to be honest, i hate to pick between couples, i feel like im always betraying one of my friends, am i the only one? probably.
sabine: here is what pissed me off the most, the cutest couple that never was. adrian and toni, me and kazi, and fitz and gia. i don’t know why any of those recieved votes or the votes that they did, but whoever voted for those hasn’t been paying attention. adrian and toni for starters, aren’t close like they used to be, so maybe a couple months ago they would’ve actually made a “cute” couple but now, no way. me and kazi, are just friends, i’ve said before he’s like a cousin to me. and fitz and gia were a couple weren’t they? or am i wrong?
madi: well first of all, adrian and toni were never a couple i believe so? just like kazi and you, right? a troll sent yall names and people just decided to go for you guys. as for fitz and gia, they were together for a long time and were very cute, so i understand why some people voted for them.
sabine: well that’s a wrap on our very first podcast. thank you so much for tuning in, and next week we’ll have a special guest joining us. madi, will you sign us off?
madi: it would be an honor! thank you everyone for listening to us! i hope to see you all during the press tour, we’re madison & sabine from the hills, blonde and had too much bubbly so it’s time to say goodbye and we’ll see you next time!
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brace yourself it's a long q&a
1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? •I can't remember where I put something and I'm just- 2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? •Not really 3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? •Probably not . I don't think it's something I'd ever want to do, but if they're happy and not addicted or relying, I really don't mind. 4: Do you find it easy to trust others? •It just depends on the person, I guess. I think everyone is wonderful and good and worthy of trust until proven otherwise. 5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? •Watching Harry Potter :P 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? •Probably no one, I do a lot of things alone. 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? •I take things like that pretty hard. Not because of I was hurt, but because my trust was broken and that's what hurts the most. 8: Are you close with your dad? •Absolutely not. He left when I was 10 after CPS was called on his wife for continued child abuse, and we've spoken once since and he doesn't care to contact/acknowledge me. 9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? •Nope. 10: What are you listening to? •'Glass Bead' by GFriend. A bop. 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? •tea! 12: Do you like hickeys? •I've never had one so I guess I don't have a personal opinion. 13: What time do you go to bed? •11-1ish 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? •Yeah. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? •Oh gosh, no. I'm a mess with one hand. 16: Do you always answer your texts? •I try to!! 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? •No not at all! She's still one of my favorite things in life and I love her dearly. 18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? •Last night we talked about pooping. (: 19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? •Yes!! 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? • 'what if teddy was a werewolf' 21: Is anyone else in the room with you? •my dog! 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? •holy avacados yes 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? •I think I'm happier now. 24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? •Oh, definitely. 25: In the past week, have you cried? •YEP LAST NIGHT. I saw this cosplay gif set of Teddy/Nymphadora/Remus Lupin and it seriously made me shut down for about ten minutes. 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Black :P 27: Do people ever call you by your last name? •No? 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? •yes and it hurts like hell. 29: Do you have a best friend? •yeah! they both live in different states though. 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? •I've never kissed anyone, so. 31: Who was your last call/text message from? • I think it was from @efrabbit ! i haven't read it yet oops ily 32: Are you mad at anyone? •Not really, there's no use. 33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? • ^^ 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? • ^^^^ why do these all include kissing 35: How many more days until your birthday? •69 days! (oh god.) (may 8th btw) 36: Do you have any summer plans yet? •I think I have summerschool bc I failed the first semester of biology, but I don't usually do much in the summer besides read and watch movies haha. 37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? •Woah, not really. Gotta fix that 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? •I don't think so? 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? •Not really? I'm pretty open with my friends. 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? •stOP 41: Do you think age matters in relationships? •I mean,,, okay, if it's like a 14 y/o with a 20 y/o or something like that, I think that's not great, just because of maturity. But otherwise no, not really. 42: Are you available? •No, I'm out of stock. Sorry. :P idek 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? •Still in it, but one?? 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? •I want the side of my nose pierced so bad. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? •Yeah! I'm seriously really good friends with two of them. You had stuff in common for a reason. :) 46: Do you regret anything? • "Never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted." I've lived firmly on that for a long time. 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? • TONKS ! DESERVED ! BETTER ! 48: Did you ever lose a best friend? •Actually yes, and it hurts me really often that I lost her. But I'm glad she's happy. 49: Was your last kiss a mistake? • ): 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? • She lives elsewhere, but that's going to change one day. 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? • no but all these kiss questions will make me cry 52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? • OH COME ON 53: What was the last thing you ate? • I had an egg roll 54: Did you get any compliments today? • I don't think so? maybe today has been fuzzy, I've been super sleepy for some reason. 55: Where are you going on your next vacation? • I think Austin for my cousin's awards 56: Do you own anything from other countries? • YEAH. I own so much kpop stuff, some other Korean items, stuff from Mexico I got on cruises, and whatnot (: 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? •girls! 58: Where have you lived most of your life? • I have only ever lived in this kinda smallish town in Texas. 59: When was the last time you took a long drive? •Last weekend! My mom and I drove a few hours to a super small town to go shopping and to go to like four Bucky's :P it was fun ! 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? •no & no thank you 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? • Oh gosh no I could never 62: Who do you text the most? •My two really good friends :) 63: What was the last movie you saw? •I watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban this morning! It's my favorite along with GOF. 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? • I'm single lmao. 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? • Probably one or two power rangers, since I was like, nine. 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? • im- 67: Do you curse around your parents? • Sometimes? but it's like the not terrible ones 68: Are you happy with where you live? •House-wise? No, not really. We've never had a house of our own or anything that wasn't an apartment, and I'd like to get a house someday. 69: Picture of yourself? • um... ugly. 70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? •mono 71: Have you ever been dumped? • No 72: What do you most like about making out? •I'm actually going to cry why me 73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? • stop. 74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? • B y e 75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? •their soul yall. 76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? • my best friend <3 77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? • virginvirginvirgin 78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? • goodbye 79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? • her 80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? •yeah ofc! 81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? • yeah 82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? • it depends 83: Do you miss your last sweetie? • I read that as sweet and looked over at the lollipop stick so yes I want it back 84: Last time you slow danced with someone? •I haven't 85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? •yeah lmao oh gosh 86: How can I win your heart? • Tell me a cheesy Harry Potter pickup line and you're golden 87: What is your astrological sign? • I'm a Taurus! 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? •sleeping 89: Do you cook? • yeah!! 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? • Yes. She contacted me again and we've been just as close as we were ever since and I love her so much. 91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? • Only of it was with someone particular. Otherwise no. 92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? •Not really sure? 93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? • honestly I really don't nitpick like that, it just depends on who the person is. 94: Name four things that you wish you had! •confidence, •a freaking brown mascara, a skirt for this thingy, and my Hogwarts letter than is reasonably late, but it's okay, I'm patient. 95: Are you a player? •no 96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? •no 97: Are you a tease? •I mean no not really ? 98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? •nope 99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? •yepyep 100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? •myself because I'm great stop sleeping on me, world 101: Hugs or Kisses? •hugs. hugs are amazing. 102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? •No, I'm really not 103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? • I always notice how tall someone is 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? •I guess 105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? • no ! no ! no !!!! that would break an innocent person's heart over my own shitty lust and that's not okay, I could never 106: Do you flirt a lot? •I think sometimes how I talk to people comes off as flirting but I'm really not trying to flirt 107: Your last kiss? • ((': 108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? • I hate this 109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? • naiwjwosjsjshwk 110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? • nymphadora tonks. I would kiss her on head and promise that I'll always fight for her. 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? • nah 112: Does someone like you currently? •yes? 113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? •yes 114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? •serious shit man 115: Ever made out with just a friend? • take a wild guess 116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? • I'm not really sure tbh 117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.
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