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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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AITA for lying to my dog about food being 'spicy?'

A while back I taught my dog what spicy foods are (by letting her sniff them and saying "Uh oh! Spicy!") and she figured out that it means it'll smell/taste bad and she immediately loses interest. It was initially an accident but it became really handy in getting her to leave food alone if it might hurt her.

Recently though I've started saying "Uh oh! Spicy!" about any food I don't want her to eat. If she's sitting and staring at me eating a regular non-spicy snack and I don't want to share, I'll tell her it's spicy so she'll stop begging for it. She believes me 100% of the time. She does have a 'leave it' command that she obeys as well, but she always acts so sad whenever I tell her to 'leave it' and it's something she wants.

I feel a little bad because she's an older dog (10y/o) and maybe I SHOULD be sharing my snacks with her, but sometimes a man's gotta enjoy his food in peace without a little creature gazing longingly at him the entire time and crying like the world's soggiest beast.

Included is a picture of her making her very best begging face so that everyone can accurately judge how evil I am for lying to her.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #joke aita #pet tax #thank you op i will now be repeating uh oh! spicy! to myself for days #(in a delighted way)

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nerdpoe · 1 month

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Danny is at a Ghost Hunting Convention in Gotham with his parents. He hates his past self for thinking that going to Gotham was a good idea.

He's in a tank, full of water, with a curtain draped over it as the Joker waxes poetic about how Batman is too late and blah, blah, blah.

Danny has bigger problems than Batman's pissing contest with Joker.

His parents are on the outside of the water tank he's been stuck in for the last twenty minutes. As a Halfa, he just stopped breathing, no big deal.

But they don't know he can do that.

He needs to do something so that they don't think he's a ghost, and going intangible is out because, obviously, that would make him a ghost.

...Hadn't Clockwork said that his status as a Halfa made him...flexible? On what he looked like?

That meant shapechanging, like Amorpho.

It would be really, really hard to explain, but also, better than being mistaken for a ghost.

He squeezes his eyes shut, hopes he doesn't come out of this looking like a horrifying version of clayface, forces himself to change.

The skin on his neck ripples, his legs fuse like when he's in his ghost form, and the sensation is so strange he gasps...and he can breathe.

The curtain is still over the tank of water.

Danny is glowing.

There are freckles that are glowing a soft green that dot his arms and...tail.

He's a mermaid. Merman.

Well.

Maybe he can say it was a recessive gene?

#dpxdc #dcxdp #story prompt #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #mermay #joker removes the curtain #and there's a very confused merkid floating there #even joker is taken aback #like #“...were you always able to do that?”#“uh...I didn't know I could?”#anyways this is how he finds out he's adopted #when the Fenton parents start crying and thanking any power they can think of that #his bio parents were apparently atlanteans #whether they actually are or not is up to the writer

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salamispots · 9 months

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dream wip

#wip #artists on tumblr #flotsam diaries #arrhghhgg happy I got the textures I was aiming for #I was gonna go sleep but eve's song kororon really got me :'D #cough you can see the full image on uh instagram story if you don't wanna wait haha #technically this one's not a wip but wanna draw some others/make it a set #might tweak the octo though #anyways nOW I will sleep #muffled laugh #edit: oh!! thank for you radar tumblr staff :0 #but also radar putting my post tag ramblings on bLAST LMAO

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lustwithoutlore · 4 months

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Stephanie, clearly upset: I just spent $30 at the grocery store and all I got was eggs, mayonnaise, fruit, and pop.

Tim: Oh so prices have gone down, that’s good.

Stephanie: …. I really hate you sometimes, Tim. Really hate you.

Tim: Isn’t $30 for all that cheap?

Stephanie, calling Jason: I need an immediate extraction I’m about to kill Tim.

Jason: … And you need the extraction, why?

#steph: *cocks gun* time to eat the fucking rich #tim: thank god if I get killed I can finally rest #steph: *lowers gun* uh…. you good bro?#batfamily #batman #jason todd #red hood #batfam #tim drake #stephanie brown #batgirl #red robin #dc comics #dc comics funny #incorrect batfamily quotes

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ryegarden · 16 days

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listen to me. listen to me. its fed girl summer. its 2:1 tummy to titty ratio summer. its not hiding your pre or non surgery trans body because it's too hot to be in a binder. summer of showing off love handles, tummy overhang, back rolls, double chins, bingo wings, thick thighs because they are so good! and they are part of your wonderful body!

[ID: a two digital self portrait sketches in soft olive green tones of frankie, a young transmasculine person. he's wearing low waisted wide leg jeans and a cropped vest with beetles on it. they are hairy and tattooed, and the drawings pay particular attention to how their stomach sticks out or folds over their jeans. end ID]

#self portrait #trans art #do not fucking clown on this post thank you #milf4milf art is coming soon im currently uh. lemme check #5 hours deep into it #still got colour and shading to add to a part and then overall editing #but were getting there

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egophiliac · 1 month

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Hi it's just to let you know that the official romanization of Revaan's name is Raverne ! Also they have romanized Baul's name to Baur !

Twst coming back at us again with the least expected romanization! thank you everybody (oh god my inbox) (no it's great, I literally asked for this and the reactions have been INCREDIBLE, thank you all!)

I do like Raverne though, I think it's got a nice fancy sound to it! (I had kinda suspected it was going to be an R instead of an L, so the fact that it's SO close to Laverne except for that is hilarious to me personally.) and Dragoneye Duke is honestly probably the best translation for his title, I wasn't envying the localizers that one. :') Baur instead of Baul I was NOT expecting, but in retrospect I think his name's supposed to be a reference to the Bauru crocodile, so that actually makes way more sense!

someone else also said Meleanor has become Maleanor, which is the REALLY weird one to me, because I was so surprised it was written as Mel instead of Mal in the first place?! oh god no I can't decide which one I like better. 😭 (I wonder if they might change it to Mal...they have made romanization changes before) (like I remember House of Distraction being corrected to House of Destruction in Playful Land) (I did check and she's still Mel for now, but I dunno, they might Mal her up and some point and save me from having to make a decision about which one to use) (HECK I CAN'T DECIDE)

uhhhh thank you for letting me ramble about anime names, let's just say MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS FOR EVERYONE

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 4 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 4 spoilers #mel is so cute but mal fits with the rest of the draconias better #eng version no you were supposed to save me not make things MORE confusing #anyway raverne huh #that uh. that sure feels like it's supposed to evoke raven doesn't it.#what does it mean WHAT DOES IT MEAN #hold on i'm going to flail around embarrassingly about anime character theories now #(okay first a disclaimer: i do think we need to sit down as a fandom at some point)#(and have a discussion about exactly what is actual canon versus meta speculation versus jokes)#(because i think there has been. some confusion. over that re:crowley and raverne specifically)#(but i do feel justified in being like THEY ARE PROBABLY CONNECTED SOMEHOW RIGHT?! right now)#like i really don't think it's as simple as crowley being raverne but with memory loss or something #(and if they pull that on us i'm going to need an EXTREMELY good explanation to go with it to justify that)#they've gone out of their way several times now to make a point about them acting and sounding different and it feels very intentional to m #(and once again: i super 100% absolutely do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him with the top half of his face covered)#i just think the contradictions are a lot stronger than the connections right now but there ARE some connections and i'm 👀ing at them #to be fair the connections are mostly meta like crowley being diablo/raverne being evocative of raven #also the general 'raverne mysteriously disappeared and apparently had distinctive eyes' thing #versus 'crowley's past is unknown and he never shows his eyes'#(i will argue that crowley DOES seem to have some kind of canon connection to briar valley)#(since he is clearly some sort of fae and the masks are a briar valley thing)#and that is kinda it right now isn't it #okay hold on i had to delete some tags because i used too many (thanks tumblr for letting me know and not just vanishing them OH WAIT)#so tl;dr: i'm in the 'crowley is connected to raverne somehow but it's more complicated than just him being in disguise' camp personally #but that will probably change as we get more info and also don't take this as an anti-speculation thing because i love theories HOORAY

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explodingstarlight · 10 months

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waiting....

mom said it's my turn to make fanart of @somerandomdudelmao 's ol' wizard

i can't express how many times I listened to this song on loop while drawing

andddd a bonus close-up & a version with wraps that I totally didn't forget to add before now haha,,

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rileyclaw · 2 years

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and it’s all thanks to them

#woke up this morning and immediately felt sick with nervousness AND excitement #it comes out in.. uh... looks at clock.#about seven hours #and i feel like dying already how am i gonna live that long #the owl house #toh spoilers #thanks to them #toh season 3 #toh s3 spoilers #toh s3 #luz noceda #hunter toh #hunter and luz communicate your feelings to your other friends challenge 2022 #toh #fanart #my art

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captainfern · 3 months

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okay soooo i’m expanding on this post about cuck!price and his mrs, as well as my tags that basically say they’re both obsessed with you

@bleuu-moon is truly the orchestrator behind this and actually went into my dms to manipulate me into writing (i’m joking ofc lol blu i luv you and your brain)

uhh yeah this is really short and basic and unedited

18+, fem!reader — price and his wife fuck while dirty talking about you, etc (i don’t have a description or name for price’s wife just yet so bear with me 😭)

You, John and his wife had been involved with one another for months now.

It started as a mutual friendship— both Mr. and Mrs. Price being so warm and kind to you, always so inviting and generous. But throughout the friendship, you couldn’t help but notice John’s lingering stares and the way his wife would let her lips linger against your cheek after a friendly kiss goodbye.

Then, you began a tryst, of sorts, with them. A drunken night out led to you and Mrs. Price tangled together, John sitting nearby with his cock in his hand and his eyes glazed over. Then, he’d fucked you hard while his wife cradled your face, petting you gently while guiding your mouth to her slick pussy.

That was months ago.

And the Price’s hardly ever fucked without you, now. It seemed too empty, the bed too cold and the room too quiet without you. It was like you were a missing piece of their puzzle, hidden just out of reach when they needed you the most.

So, when both John and his wife found themselves worked up behind belief, whiskey warming their blood, they found they missed you.

You had been with them, in all your beauty, just three days prior— an entire night of being fucked into the mattress with a real cock down your throat and a fake one splitting you open from behind. You gave yourself to them, every bare, gorgeous inch of you. And they loved it.

They craved it.

Now, with his wife’s knees pushed up near her ears, John held her steady as he pumped his achingly hard cock in and out of her. The tight warmth of her cunt sucked him in, drawing ragged breaths from his lungs, forehead beading with sweat.

She moaned, hands scraping down his hairy back, gripping and groping at the soft muscle there. He grunted in return, snapping his hips harder, driving himself deeper. So much deeper.

Before you, their dirty talk was exceptional and always focused on praising (or degrading) one another. But you… you changed their dynamic completely— flipped it on its head entirely.

“Fuckin’ hell, she’d love this, wouldn’t she?” John moaned, cock driving up against the base of his wife’s cervix, her walls slick and tight around him. He was talking about you, of course.

His wife moaned, tossing her head back and scraping her manicured nails down her husband’s back. “Yeah— yes, fuck—! Yeah, she would. She’d— she’d love it, John.”

John grumbled something low in his chest, a growl of approval as he continued rutting his fat cock into his wife, who was mewling and keening below him.

“Mhm, she’d take it like such a good girl,” his wife moaned, one hand gripping the back of John’s neck. “She’s such a good girl for us, isn’t she, darling?”

John nodded, grunting in agreement. He was envisioning that it was your pussy that he was rutting into with deep thrusts and obscene wet squelches.

“Our good girl,” John whispered. “Fuck, miss her so much. I fuckin’ need her, love. Need her tight little pussy an’ that pretty mouth of hers.”

His wife moaned in agreement, the head of John’s cock driving her towards release. It was coming a lot quicker— her body tingling, heat blooming in her lower belly— thanks to the thought of you in her head.

She moaned again. “Oh fuck— fuck she’s such a pretty girl, John. She— oh my god— she makes me feel so good.”

“Yeah?” John implored, almost teasingly. But not too teasingly, considering you made him feel the exact same way too. John was many things, but he wasn’t a hypocrite.

“Yeah…” His wife whined. “Mmm…”

Then, Mrs. Price came with another loud moan, her orgasm ripping through her body. It made her keen and arch against her husband, still fucking her, her legs shaking as she gushed around John’s cock.

She came moaning your name.

“That’s it, that’s it,” Price cooed, eyes glazed over. “Moan her name, darling. Let me hear her name falling from those pretty lips.”

His wife nearly cried your name that time, and John bent down to kiss her. They kissed, licking their tongues together and swapping too much spit— but they didn’t care. They were too busy thinking about you.

“M’comin’—” Price moaned, and then whined out your name. “Baby, fuck, m’gonna come inside you.”

He called you baby.

Playing pretend. It’ll have to do.

His wife gasped out in pleasure when he buried himself to the hilt inside her and came hard. He filled her with a shudder of his bulky body, your name dribbling from his lips, tasting of whiskey and need.

God, they wanted you so bad.

#captainfern #cuck!price lmao #but uh yeah the original post has be going insane so thanks for that blu <3 #captain john price smut #john price call of duty #captain john price x female reader #captain john price x you #captain price smut #john price smut #price smut #call of duty

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fuzzyhairedfreak · 5 months

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um uh uh um. so. did anyone else used to follow Nate Stevenson's D&D campaign drawings back in the day or-

#fantasy high #fhjy #dimension 20 #nd stevenson #brennan lee mulligan #like. uh. god.#in november 2022 i went insane and watched a ton of avdenturing academy #and found out brennan used to play w molly ostertag (nd's wife)#and was like. wait a fucking minute. i was obsessed w jericho rose #so i refound that pic just to be like hmm i winder if any of these were brennan's characters that'd be crazy #and then further episodes in he mentioned playing a lawful good rogue and i was like HOLY SHIT #bc lets be real. kipperlilly copperkettle is SUCH a brennan name #but i thought my theory could only ever be that! right! my haha silly red string board in my friend's dms!#WRONG #IM SO FUCKING SMART #anyways. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

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mblue-art · 1 month

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this man. ..

(inspo) (og meme)

#lv20 cross #cross!sans #self insert #mblue art #[ og lv20c is made by withtheworms !! ]#( but this purple lv20c i draw on my blog is usually based on soothingespione's yandere interp )#(bc i hv nt bn th sme snce rdng tht fc) (everytime i think of him i immediately want to [REDACTED] uh do things to him)#(a little violence. as a treat</3)#(probably the only skel/variant i simp for that i wont feel immediately bad doing such to) (maybe)#god i want to [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]--#a fun(?)(🤨) dynamic to explore personally when im reminded of it #oourgh he makes me feel SOOO conflicted 💢💢💢 (/pos but also /flustrd grrr) shoutout to op thanks for writing him i am so . |||OTL #not linking the fic if any1 asks. it has spicy content #idiot idiot man. love-hate for u. bonks u. (i do like the possessive/obssessive that comes with yanderes tho)#cm

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nerdpoe · 5 months

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Damian was placed in the Pits to prove he could survive as an infant. Only...the pits didn't give him back.

Danny was taking a trip to a weird, rank area of the Infinite Realms per Clockworks request, when a fuckin baby plopped in through a portal.

A baby.

Naturally, Danny snatched the kid up and flew as fast as he could back home.

He turns back to his human form just as the basement door slams open.

Danny stares up at his mom and dad.

They stare down at him.

"I found a baby in the portal," is the only thing Danny can make his mouth say.

His parents are thrilled to welcome another kid into the family, no matter how grumpy the little tyke seems.

In Nanda Parbat, Talia cannot find her son. He isn't in the pit; he just. Disappeared into it.

So he went somewhere.

She promises her father she will find Damian, but Ra's has another idea.

He calls Bruce Wayne to Nanda Parbat, with a simple letter.

"We have lost the child you had with Talia. My condolences."

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #i think when damian was uh...born? released from the artificial womb?#the Robin in rotation was Jason #so Dick just coming by to try to talk to Bruce #expecting another fight #but when he gets there Jason is just #“oh thank god you're here he's pacing and muttering about some lady named talia and a kid”#and dick's like #oh no #bruce #bruce please you didn't

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fuji-sprouts · 2 months

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✨my doomed yaoi in the same pose as my other doomed yaoi✨

#I do this to suffer #yeah uh I would like to collect compensation for my mental and emotional distress after watching round 6 #I’ve had enough doomed yaoi in my lifetime and would like to not have more thanks #ivantill #alien stage #alnst #alnst ivan #alnst till #vivinos #doomed yaoi #tragic gays #banana fish #asheiji #alien stage round 6

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lazycranberrydoodles · 7 months

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why does this keep happening to them

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cheatsylu · 2 months

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Ah! Your art looks like itd taste like a gummy worm /pos. Im sure youve gotten plenty of requests especially of this but im curious to see the 4 fours (lmao) in your style

Just 3 friends politely asking if their little violet friend will join the stack :D

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu #lu four #does this mean four wants to bomb himself #nah #maybe #uh #hm #dont think too hard about it #thanks for the request c:#and im glad my art looks like it tastes like gummy worms >:)#Also taking a break from drawing requests for now!#Will get back to them in a few days

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joltrify · 7 months

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can i see some disability aids for aliens in ben 10

cause i liked the Xlr8 one

I'll confess I think that the kineceleran's crutch was the peak of my creativity but here are a couple I came up with >.<

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