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are you pinterest user hrngggbatman?
(sorry if this is like. an Insane question to ask or something, ive never used asks before 👍)
YES OMG I am! Tbh I totally forgot what my handle was on Pinterest so I had to double check LMAO 💀 also I’ve never answered an ask before so this is a first for me too!
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Batfam AU where Jason never dies, so Tim doesn't join the family the standard way. Instead, he continues pouring most of his time and energy into his photography, eventually becoming known as a popular photographer for events and all that. So now, picture this:
Tim gets hired to be a photographer for a Wayne gala. Obviously, he's ecstatic, because he can take pictures of Batman, Robin and Nightwing and be in their presence for a whole night. Since Tim is so naturally talented in stealth and taking pictures unnoticed, the second one of the fam realises this they're like: this kid is good.
Tim manages to go unnoticed by all 3 of them (all bat-trained, one literally batman) multiple times during the night, and even when he is noticed, he disappears before they can manage to get a good look at him; to the sheer amazement of Dick and Jason.
Jason, (very discreetly putting snacks in his suit pocket): i know you're under the table, kid.
Tim: don't mind me, Mr. Todd-Wayne, sir, just taking a few pictures
Jason: right... Jason's fine, and what pictures were you taking from under the table?!
Tim, showing him perfectly good shots of him: these.
Jason: how did you get that. it looks like you took it from the rafters
Tim, nodding: I did.
Jason, glancing at the ceiling: ...what?
Tim, gone:
Jason: no fucking way.
Dick, hearing a very, very faint camera shutter from behind him:
Dick, turning around and finding no one there: what the actual...
Dick, getting the feeling of being watched and whirling around to find Tim staring at him from across the room: ... huh.
Jason, pulling Dick aside: you see that kid too, right?!
Dick, nodding: the camera kid, yeah?
Jason: who is that.
Dick: he's one of the hired photographers, apparently. one of the best in his field, despite his age.
Jason: he's good. like, really good. snuck up on me 4 times already, the little bastard.
Dick: you too? i swear he's constantly watching. it's creepy how well he can sneak past both of us.
Jason:
Dick:
Jason: you don't think...
Dick: no. B would've told us.
Jason:
Dick:
Dick: did he get another kid and not tell us somehow
Bruce: what do you mean another kid?
Jason: you heard us. did you adopt another kid and not tell us?!
Bruce: no?? how would I even?? ... what's this about?
Dick: one of the photographers has managed to sneak up on both me and Jay multiple times already
Bruce: what.
Jason: he also can't be more than like. 15 or 16. so forgive us for assuming you took another one in.
Bruce: do you know his name?
Dick:
Jason:
Bruce: really?
Dick: in our defence, he's very hard to catch. i wouldn't be surprised if he's snuck up on you, too.
[camera shutter noise]
All of them, whipping their heads toward the sound only to find nothing but air:
Tim, smiling from the other side of the room:
Jason: do you see what we mean?!
Cue an entire night of shenanigans where it's just Dick, Jason and Bruce trying to catch Tim and learn about him. Upon finding out who he is and where he lives, Dick immediately asks to keep him as an honorary member of the family. Jason is hesitant at first but at some point Tim calls Bruce Batman instead of Mr. Wayne on accident and Jason laughs so hard he's basically won over. Bruce can do nothing but watch as Tim proceeds to come over almost every night for sleepovers and is coddled by both of his sons. And he can't deny, the kid's investigation and stealth skills are top tier. By the time Dick and Jason both start referring to Tim as 'their younger brother' Bruce has just accepted his fate.
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I am in fact from southern Ontario. In general im pretty sure nowhere in Canada is soda commonly used (soft drink is used but less often than pop). I knew it was like a thing in the states I just assumed it was like an outdated/old term
Stephanie, clearly upset: I just spent $30 at the grocery store and all I got was eggs, mayonnaise, fruit, and pop.
Tim: Oh so prices have gone down, that’s good.
Stephanie: …. I really hate you sometimes, Tim. Really hate you.
Tim: Isn’t $30 for all that cheap?
Stephanie, calling Jason: I need an immediate extraction I’m about to kill Tim.
Jason: … And you need the extraction, why?
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New headcanon steph is actually Canadian now so that was totally purposefully done and not a mistake on my part
Stephanie, clearly upset: I just spent $30 at the grocery store and all I got was eggs, mayonnaise, fruit, and pop.
Tim: Oh so prices have gone down, that’s good.
Stephanie: …. I really hate you sometimes, Tim. Really hate you.
Tim: Isn’t $30 for all that cheap?
Stephanie, calling Jason: I need an immediate extraction I’m about to kill Tim.
Jason: … And you need the extraction, why?
#people actually call pop soda?#i thought that was just in movies or smth#once I tried calling pop soda when I was younger and people looked at me WEIRDDD
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Two-Face: Yeah I used to be Bruce Wayne's best friend before going into villainy.
Hush: Well, I was Bruce Wayne's best friend before going into villainy FIRST.
Two-Face: Well I betrayed him more than you did.
Hush: Nice try, bitch, I definitely betrayed him more. I've spent my every waking moment thinking about how to exact my revenge against him since I was a child. I got plastic surgery so I could look exactly like him and try to steal his fortune and kill his butler.
Two-Face, flipping a coin to decide whether or not to call Hush a homophobic slur:
Two-Face: Fa-
#literally there's no heterosexual explanation for thomas elliots behaviour#“i hate bruce wayne SO MUCH i could kill him except I actually want to be JUST like him and I obsessively know everything about him”#“I've also memorized every detail about his face and body so I can surgically transform myself into him”#like my man are you sure you want to be him and not DATE him??#if you dont want to be like Hush kids dont be a psychopath with extremely repressed homosexuality#batfam#bruce wayne#batman#two face#harvey dent#hush dc#thomas elliott#dc comics#alfred pennyworth#also i dont headcanon that Two-Face is homophobic he just loves to offend people
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Bruce never had to legally answer for anything regarding the sudden death of his ward because that's what happen when you have no name or relatives to seize Justice for you. Bruce most likely lied about the causes surrounding Jason's death to protect his secret identity and life. Joker killing Jason is only a fact know by our heroes. As far as Justice is concerned, Joker didn't kill Bruce's ward. Jason or anyone couldn't bring Joker to court for this specific crime if they wanted. I repeat: there is no legal way for Jason to make Joker pays for his murder. Police or social services never investigated anything and only ever presented their condolences to Bruce Wayne. Bruce was allowed to mourn while never having to worry or be shunned for any of this. Bruce got off easy. If I'd were him, I'd feel way shittier about myself too...
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Bruce: NO bombs! How many times do I have to tell you
Damian: I agree with father.
Bruce: Thank g-
Damian: This is clearly a Battle situation. I’ll get my swords.
Tim: I don't think we can Blackmail, Bully, Babygirl our way out of this one guys
Dick: Tim, what-
Jason, grinning: BOMBS IT IS
#nightmare speaks#dc#dc comics#robin#tim drake#red robin#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#< prev tags#bruce is so done#Alfred is just like: deserved#Bruce- the ultimate problem child- being shocked when karma hits and HIS children are problem children#Bruce is begging Alfred to help#Alfred just sips his tea and ignores him
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“The Batkids probably gave Dick so much shit when he first put on the Batsuit.” No. The Batkids all saw Dick in Bruce’s suit and all secretly felt nauseous about how wrong it looked. How wrong it felt.
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ALSO the fact that tim drake canonically watches bruce get stabbed, spies on the titans tower, knows all of the titans schedules, spies on dick’s apartment with kori, breaks into dick’s old apartment, follows him to the circus, has kept newspaper clippings of batman and robin since he was able to read, knows what art bruce wayne collects, had dreams about being saved by batman and robin and y’all REDUCE his stalker tendencies to just he followed them and took pictures….. no. no, we need him crazier.
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Bruce: You’re fired.
Stephanie: That’s not very girlboss of you :(
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Batman: That's enough, Riddler! Time to end this!
Riddler: Good luck, Batman! All the cards are in my hand!
Batman: Uh, Eddie, that's not exactly how you win.
Batman, putting down a card: Anyways, Uno....
Riddler, throwing his cards on the table: GODDAMMIT!
#bruce wayne is an uno queen#riddler is diehard stacking 4+ cards#but bruce is too much of a gd rule follower to allow that#booooo batman#uno is ALWAYS stacking 4+ cards#everyone expects batman to play chess or mahjong#but dick grayson always wanted to play uno or gold fish with bruce when he first adopted him#so now bruce is extremely biased towards uno#bc if was the first time him and dick bonded#now he plays uno with eddie bc dick moved to bludhaven and bruce is SAD#batman#bruce wayne#riddler#edward nygma#batfam memes#batfam#dc comics#dc universe#the batman#robert pattinson#paul dano#the batman 2022#dano riddler#dick grayson#nightwing#robin dc#batman and robin#batman and riddler
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Barbara: What did you get Dick for his birthday?
Jason: I got him a Glutemaster
Barbara: Really? Me too!
Stephanie: I also got him a Glutemaster.
Duke, gesturing to himself and Tim: Looks like we had the same idea.
Jason, sighing: Kill me. Please tell me you didn’t get Dick a Glutemaster as well.
Cass: I got him… a Glutemaster 🥰
Later-
Dick, surrounded by Glutemasters: THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!
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