#Sorry if you read this. it's not your fault i have mental issues i hope you dont take that from this.
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im so fucking tired of fandom spaces being morality contessts.
#may or may not be having a breakdown because something just affirmed my stupid anxieties idea that people can just hate me#for something as simple as liking a minecraft server#and its not that persons fault at all its just the straw that broke the camels back persay#im literally shaking and crying LOL#I HATE BEING SOMEONE DESPERATE FOR APPROVAL#i hate feeling like a moral failure for liking something#i hate having anxiety#i hate growing up chronicaly online#i hate the idea that liking a *GENRE* is a moral failure#not even a specific fandom a *GENRE*#because i know its not about the server its about the genre#the genre that is now a moral failure to enjoy because one guy#that one guy is almost universally hated too!!! but no hes the face of it now i guess actually to everyone outside of the genre's fanbase#I hate feeling less than human because i just so happen to have liked this genre since i was atleast 10 years old.#i hate feelings like everyone can be justified in hating me for it.#i should kill myself#<== im not going to dont worry. i mjnsut really not in a good mood now#Sorry if you read this. it's not your fault i have mental issues i hope you dont take that from this.
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(DO NOT HARRAS THIS PERSON, JUST IGNORE THEM. ALSO GARTIC PHONE THING WASN'T THEM)
Piacere, space, whatever you go by, you said you wouldn't mention anyone from this, or at least that was what the deal was, I hope you were told about it. We'd not mention you, as long as you wouldn't mention us. But you did, so a new callout post with new points, people defending you don't really do a good job. TLDR: they blame everything on mental health, takes little fault for hurting people because of said mental issues, vents to people decently younger than them constantly, and they demand boundaries, but get extremely upset when anyone asks for them to do so for them.
NOTE I didn't directly see any of this, I'm doing this to defend my friends because, no offense, they are kinda letting themselves get walked all over. If anything is wrong please tell me. Do not harass anyone in this situation, no one deserves it.
First up a recap on the first situation with a new moral because talking to your friend made it more obvious what the issue was, you blaming mental health. My friends silver and JJ banned someone from wheezle's easel for in their mind being toxic, the other mods including piacere and their friends didn't feel the person was that bad, but instead of voicing that they went on a rant at how they were never listened to. Even when given an opportunity to unban the person piacere went on about not being listened to while actively ignoring their attempts at giving them an input. They caused my friends to have anxiety attacks and cry, yes they apologized, but only after saying my friends were horrible people. I don't know how you go from that to sorry in a few days and mean that apology. Proof under this, and another situation and perspectives of other people on them.
Now for the new situation i heard of, they were in my friend's server, velon's, and they'd do their constant venting. They were asked to not mention suicide so often and got really upset. More stuff must have happened because like, everyone there says how they would make them super stressed out with how often they'd beg for attention and do things like make sex jokes with people who were uncomfortable with it. Here's people's opinions on it and also i'd check out Typhoonclade's post on them here for more opinions.
Generally they'd vent everywhere around like 16-18 year olds as an almost 20 year old. they'd constantly cry about not getting attention while they got a lot of attention from at least half the active members in our server. And also a lot of weird sexual stuff that granted is hearsay to me but tbhI don't care anymore, there's no way two unrelated people have similar stories. Here's some other stuff of them being mean about people and attention seek-y I have.
Piacere, you won't read this tbh, but just get off the internet, its clear you can't handle it, and you hurt people, for everyone's good, please just get offline. I know real life sucks for you, you'd say it a lot man, but its not an excuse to hurt people who aren't doing anything to you. Just, idk what you should do, other than leave the wider internet.
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okay so, not entirely sure what the last anon was on about (and it very well could be a troll just trying to bait. they really should have at least brought up what they meant if they wanted to appear in good faith), but it may be in relation to "drink up" and how it attracted terf attention on twitter? (which I know you addressed btw, so I hope this doesn't come across as an attack or anything)
personally, I think the phrase "our only natural predator" might have appealed to terf rhetoric just a little (but that's my opinion - I very well could be 100% wrong). I have my own personal feelings on the use of "natural" in the phrase (men don't naturally prey on women like animal predators do their prey - if anything, it's unnatural, deliberately chosen behavior - and it reminds me of the excuse that "it's just naturally how men are," like "boys will be boys." HOWEVER, I see how that phrasing ties into the "lioness/women turning it around and preying on the predator" theme, so honestly it works well there), but aside from all that, I can also see why it might've attracted terfs: bc they very often view and frame trans women as male predators to cis women. I know that's definitely not how you intended it though!!
and this also isn't meant as a nitpick to your work, so my apologies if that's how it comes across. I really like your art and your writing (and "drink up" has a very cool theme)! it's just that I can see how terfs might've interpreted it a certain way. it's not your fault that they viewed it like that though, and you've made it very clear you're NOT down with trans exclusionary BS. so that's literally the only thing I could see anon complaining about tbh, assuming they're not just being a troll. also I'm sorry for the super long message (I have an issue w/ typing too much smh). I just thought I'd share my thoughts on it in case it's at all helpful, but also this might just be annoying to read instead, so honestly feel free to just discard it if you prefer!
It’s not annoying at all anon, and I appreciate you taking the time to send this in. The comic you’re talking about is one I think back on with a lot of regret. It was made in a furious haze after a big time female streamer revealed that she was being mentally abused for years by her husband, where he would waste her hard earned money, threaten her dogs and her livelihood and overall be a monster to the woman who was their primary breadwinner. The reaction online to this information by her largely male audience was so genuinely vile and violently misogynistic that I made the comic, without thinking broadly about the implications you’ve already pointed out. In reality, the comic was meant to talk about how all women (cis and trans) suffer under the patriarchy and how the label of womanhood can often be an open call for baseless derision, dehumanisation and entitlement at many levels.
TERFS quickly co-opted the comic, and I’ll always regret ever giving them an opportunity to feel empowered and validated by my art, but I’ve learned from the experience overall to do better by my trans siblings. Thank you for engaging in good faith - I hope my behaviour now and in the future can make up for past mis-steps.
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I watched that scene in V for Vendetta when V kills Delia, and it occurred to me that there isn't quite the same scene throughout TBB S3. Despite the heavy redemption themes for Crosshair and Emerie, I don't think I heard either of them directly acknowledge their wrongs and apologise to their (live) victims.
I didn't hear Crosshair admit fault for shooting Wrecker on Kamino, trying to incinerate the squad on Bracca, or kidnapping Hunter and using him as bait. Never mind to Howzer for his squad's arrest and death in captivity, or the people of Ryloth for his assassination of Orn Free Taa. Or to the next of kin of at least two women I remembered he killed during his Imperial service.
I never heard Emerie apologise for using the kids and clones as pincushions to draw blood, abducting and imprisoning them. Has everyone forgotten that she was there regularly while Crosshair was strapped to the bed and being experimented on?
The point is that while both characters did heel-face turns and performed deeds to atone for their pasts, the lack of apology is deafening. Howzer was portrayed as the asshole for not seeing Crosshair's heel-face turn because it should have been ''obvious'' how Crosshair treats Omega. I see it as the characters who should have broken the fourth wall and read the script to bypass the drama that would have occurred if an apology had been forthcoming. The "hard" part was done; Crosshair lost his hand; what more do you idiots want? I would have chalked it to the cancellation had I not seen something similar running around Season 1...
It's one of those aspects that gnaws at me with Disney Star Wars. What I call the externalisation of evil, paired with the lack of accountability. Evil happens because people were forced or duped to act on its behalf, but because these people are not "true" believers (as seen by their redemption), they need not be held accountable for their actions while serving evil. Their acts in service of the "superior good" balance the scales and bypass the need for accountability.
And for a "kids" show lauded as the most "adult" of the TCW-era animation, I have to ask, is this really the lesson to teach kids? Because in real life, no one can read your mind and hear your apology mentally. And some can fake it and be unrepentant in the end. The victims of your wrongdoing have the right to confront you, hear your apology, and decide to absolve or condemn you.
"I am not here for what you hoped to do. I am here for what you did"- V
"Is it meaningless to apologise?
Never
I'm so sorry" - Delia's last words to V
I find myself less upset about Emerie because Emerie was introduced so late that not only do we not see her doing anything THAT horrific, but there wouldn't have been a lot of time to really work through any kind of redemption arc for her. Within her first few episodes, we do see her soften towards Omega a bit, so they DO set up that Emerie isn't all she appears to be which allows for her to have stronger reactions to things like the Force sensitive children in the vault later.
My issue with Emerie, which is likely partially due to the cancellation cutting off some of what they might have planned to do with her, is that we have ZERO EXPLANATION for her. Why does she exist, was she just a defective clone who came out female and so the Kaminoans sent her away or did one of them intentionally try to create a female clone for some reason? Why did they send her to Hemlock, how was Hemlock connected with the Kaminoans to begin with and connected SO early that he was able to acquire a clone before the Jedi and the Republic even knew they existed? Why did Hemlock accept her and what has he been doing TO her this whole time? What is her relationship with being a clone if she was presumably separated from the rest of them for her entire life and not necessarily raised as a clone the same way as even TBB would've been? How does this impact her relationship with the clone prisoners on Tantiss as well as Hemlock?
Her redemption arc feels both half-assed and like... just half-assed enough because Emerie is basically a blank slate the whole time. We don't know anything about her or her motivations for anything and so there's nothing to really make me feel like her quicker change of heart goes against anything we know about her. She's never shown to be particularly unkind or malicious, just... somewhat disconnected from the clone prisoners and inclined to just accept that Hemlock's work is necessary. Because we know so little about her aside from that she's been with Hemlock since she was extremely young, it works for me that she's mostly just kind-of disconnected about the things he's doing to the other clones until she manages to make a personal connection that sort-of changes her perspective. She does not personally capture or hurt anyone to my memory, she never seems to be intentionally trying to cause pain to anybody, there's no malicious intent behind her actions that she has to work around and make up for. There's not even any real prejudice and anger towards the clones themselves that is causing her to be okay with what Hemlock is doing to them. So just her recognizing that a change NEEDS to be made is enough for me with Emerie, I don't feel like I needed more of an apology in order for her "redemption arc" to make sense because she's barely a fleshed out character as it is.
Crosshair on the other hand, DID owe an apology to a lot of people. I HATE the way they handled his interactions with the rest of the squad and with Howzer in particular. I HATE the way HOWZER has to apologize and Crosshair never does. It's fucked up and wrong and such a badly done redemption arc and I honestly can't even blame that on the cancellation because it's early enough in the season that they likely already had that built in before they had to make any changes. There's also already been TWO SEASONS before this to build up to Crosshair's change of heart that I think got mishandled as well. He got so little screen time in season two that his change of heart that turns him against the Empire doesn't feel believable to me at all.
My biggest issue with BOTH of these characters and the way their stories were handled was the distance from the ACTUAL CLONES.
This is an issue I've had with the show from the beginning. It's billed as a show about clones, but the main characters are SO separated and distant from the real clones that none of their development really has anything to do with the clones and it makes it feel like it never really WAS a clone story at all. Crosshair's story would've been more compelling if it had been about his bigotry towards the clones and his development had come specifically from learning they were good people and he was wrong about them. Emerie and Omega's stories should've been about them finally being able to connect to the other clones that they'd been forced away from their whole lives and figuring out what it truly means to BE a clone. The Bad Batch's story would've been more compelling if it had had more focus on what was actually happening to the clones immediately after Order 66 and the desperation and tragedy of trying to save them in a world that cares about them even less than it used to.
Instead, Crosshair's story seems to be about realizing the Empire sees him, PERSONALLY, as expendable and THAT'S what makes him realize it's bad. The fact that the Empire sees him as no different than the other clones doesn't really allow him to see the CLONES in a different light or connect to them better, it just destroys his loyalty to the Empire because he's not considered special anymore. Emerie only turns against the Empire after she sees what's happening with the Force sensitive children, the torture and captivity of the clones doesn't seem to bother her at all. Omega's development for the last two seasons has had nothing to do with her identity as a clone and a lot more with her identity as a "soldier". Echo is the only character with any real connection to the other clones and the moment he starts to voice that, he gets written off and becomes a recurring cameo character instead of a regular main ensemble member. The moment he decides to more fully be a part of a clone-centric storyline, he can't be a part of the Bad Batch's story because the Bad Batch is inherently NOT A CLONE STORY.
And this is the biggest problem with this show. It's selling itself as a clone story and not actually following through on it and it causes this weird dissonance within the narrative because I don't think this show ever truly knew what story it was telling. It hurts every single one of the characters.
This show would've been a LOT better if they had just let it be a story about, say, four random bounty hunters who worked as a team. Or even, god help me, four Mandalorians from different clans or houses or whatever who are BARELY managing to stay civil with each other. It would've made the stories with Crosshair and Emerie feel a LOT easier to stomach because we aren't sitting there wondering why they aren't reacting to what's happening to the other clones around them. It might've made the stories easier to WRITE, too, because they wouldn't have had to keep trying to force a connection between these characters and the clones that so clearly just isn't there.
Maybe these "redemption arcs" would've been better done and made more sense if these characters weren't clones.
But then again I remember how well done Ventress and Kallus's "redemption arcs" were and I think that maybe it wouldn't have mattered at all.
#star wars#clone troopers#anti tbb#tbb critical#crosshair critical#anti crosshair#emerie critical#anti emerie
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So Many Ways to Say Yes
Request: i may or may not want to duck his brains out; autocorrect is trying to unhorny me; yknow that one arc when the character has been abused or mistreated or feels unworthy or whatever so immediately assumes theres no aftercare and just tries to leave like "alright, ill be out of your hair then, sorry i took so long to pack up" and you just have to pat them and comfort them
A/N: I've never tried so hard on a smut oneshot 🧍♀️ I don't know much about genshin but thank you for requesting! I tried to not go too into details, considering I've only played around 4 hours into Genshin and didn't ge that far. Never heard of Xiao but I looked at videos, then took the request into mind while trying to write his character out. Enough talking, hope you enjoy! :))
CW: NSFW, Xiao x Female Y/N, Sub Xiao, hand jobs, anal penetration (male receiving), fingering (male receiving), oral (male receiving), fluff, lots of reassurance, aftercare
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Y/N eyed Xiao from the tree she sat under. It was a nice day and she needed a break after work. But jesus christ, what was he doing?
He was jumping around. That's the most logical thing she could come up with. Maybe practicing to be a ballerina? She snorted at the idea of him in a tutu.
Then he fell. It looked like it was on purpose, just falling on his face. She had to fight from laughing too hard, and exposing her spot under the tree.
She got up with a sigh when he didn't get up, going over to him. He was still face down in the grass. "There's a bug in your ear."
He jumped at the voice, then hit at his ear. "What?!" Y/N snickered, and Xiao frowned, smacking her as he stood up. "Go back to work, dick."
She gasped. "Dick? Me?"
"Yeah," He felt his going red. Why? He didn't really know.
"Rude," She chuckled. "And I'm done with my work today. I was reading."
Xiao stared at her. "Then what are you doing here?"
"I was reading there," She pointed to the tree, watcjing Xiao think.
Then his face went a deep red.
"You saw-"
"I did," She confirmed. "What was up with that, by the way?"
"None of your business," He spit out quickly, looking away.
"Okayyyy," She smiled. "I'll let it go, as long as you promise this isn't a sign that you should see a psychiatrist."
"I'm fine mentally," He waved her off.
"But physically..."
Y/N saw his face go red again. "I'm fine."
"You sure-"
"Yes!"
Y/N jumped at his sudden yell. "I have a pretty good doctor if you just don't want to tell me-"
"Please shut up," He groaned, burying his face in his hands. "No doctors. In fact, don't tell anyone what you saw."
Y/N stared at him, making out his mumbling. "Are you okay? Like actually."
He huffed, feeling her worried look. "I can't tell you."
"Why not," She looked at him weird. "You called me when your friend got his foot stuck in that toilet, how is this worse than that?"
Xiao couldn't help but snort, and knew that's what Y/N was trying to get. "You broke his foot."
"He stuck it in a toilet," She shrugged. "Not my fault. Now what's up? I won't judge you, I promise."
He hesitated. "No laughing?"
"None at all."
"No jokes?"
"Absolutely not."
Xiao groaned. He couldn't believe he was going to tell Y/N. He was going insane. Maybe he did need a psychiatrist.
"I uh," He gulped. "I can't... Get rid of my uh-" He coughed.
Y/N looked at him weird. "Spit it out or else I'll laugh in your face."
He groaned. "My- penis. It won't go soft."
Y/N blinked at that. "That's it?"
Xiao scoffed. "That's it? Really?"
"I thought you were going to tell me some issue with your ass or something, not that you can't come," She shrugged.
Xiao frowned, but he was glad Y/N didn't laugh. "Can you leave me alone?"
"I... That doesn't explain the jumping around," She frowned. "Is that like a kink or something-" She yelped when he smacked her repeatedly. "Okay! God!"
He groaned, going back to the ground. It was better there, maybe it'll swallow him whole.
"I don't know, okay," He ran a hand down his face when she sat by him. "It's driving me nuts. It hurts, I don't know what to do."
Y/N hummed. "How long?"
"Like since 3 AM last night," Again, he was thankful there was not even a chuckle coming from Y/N. He might actually try and snap his own neck if she laughed at his dick.
Y/N thought that over. "I know you said no doctors but-"
"No," He shook his head quickly.
"Alright," She nodded.
"You don't have to help me," He huffed. "Its awkward and weird, I'll just go back to my bed and die."
Y/N snorted at that, and looked down to his pants. Right, he always wore a cover. Which was understandable, goblins and mages didn't care whether a hit to your dick hurt, they'd probably aim there if they were smarter than they were.
"It's not that awkward," She shrugged. "Shit happens."
"So how many people have told you... What I told you," He stopped himself from repeating it. Once was far enough.
"None," She confirmed. "But there's a first for everything, no need to be shocked by everything that comes my way," She sighed, sitting up on her knees. "Do you want help?"
Xiao froze but relaxed soon after. She didn't mean it like that.
"I don't want anyone else to know," He peaked over to her. She looked at him confused.
"What, are you like loud," She snickered. "I'll gag you if I really have to, but I doubt-"
Xiao kicked her leg. "You want to fuck me?!"
Y/N laughed at his kick. "I want to help the fact you're in pain and yes, having sex seems to be apart of that," She cleared her throat, shrugging. "Doesn't have to go that far though, just until you come."
He opened his mouth a bit, then closed it. Was she being serious? "You don't have to-"
"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to help," She threw in there. "But if you don't want to, you have to promise you'll see someone for help. Embarrassing or not."
He huffed, for about the third time of that exchange. This was not happening- Was she really offering... Whatever she was, just to help him?
"Dude, it's okay if you don't want to," She chuckled. "Just wanted to help."
"I just..." He stopped, mind reeling. "What uh, what do you mean.. Help?"
Y/N shrugged. "Probably just start with a handjob, see where that gets you. If it doesn't help, might suck you off. But again, just what you're okay with," She leaned back on her hands with a sigh, stretching. "Could fuck me, really. But you'd have to give me a moment to get ready. For sure need a condom."
This was happening. This was happening? Jesus christ, she was being serious. "Are- are you sure," He asked, afraid that she wasn't actually okay with this. She was nice and would help him whenever but he didn't want her to force herself just to help his issue. It was his fault he didn't see a doctor, anyway.
"Of course," She smiled. "You seem miserable dude. And I'm fine with it."
He thought over it one more time. Y/N wouldn't do anything he didn't like, he already knew that. But was he okay with this? Was he okay with Y/N... Well, jacking him off? Was he okay with seeing her bent down between his legs and sucking-
Yeah he was, his dick behind the hard cover really confirmed it as he twitched. God, it really hurt.
"Okay," He nodded.
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure," He groaned, going to stand up, then yelped as his penis somehow got caught in the cover, but jesus, did it send a shock of pleasure with the pain through him. He sat right back down.
"Okay okay, lay the fuck back," Y/N snorted, and moved to sit on her knees in front of him, between his legs.
"Ri- right here," He hated how his voce rang up multiple octaves.
"Can you walk," Her question almost sounded like a challenge. "If you don't want to here, then at least take this goddamn cover off until we get to wherever."
He was just jumping around just fine damnit, why couldn't he stand? "What if someone-"
"They won't," Y/N assure him, hands moving to rub his thighs. "I promise, okay? I wouldn't be doing this here if I wasn't sure of it."
He gulped. "Can we uhm, at least move to the tree," At least there was shade, and some cover. But she was right, it was quite a long walk. He barely knew how he got over here with all the jumping around.
But he was desperate, so who knows.
"Of course, c'mon," She gave him a reassuring smile, helping him get up with her.
Okay, one step at a time. The tree was right there, and Y/N was going to- Okay yeah, he needed to hurry before his penis exploded.
Maybe he was being dramatic but the thought of Y/N helping him get off was very overwhelming, okay? Even if it wasn't exactly... New.
Okay so Y/N was hot, everyone thought so! It was okay for him to think it too. Even if his thoughts were shifting towards more romantic things, and less just wanting to fuck her into the bed things.
The things people tell him just because he's close to Y/N was insane. He didn't need to hear about their fantasies about her, it was weird.
So he was jealous- Fuck off.
Oh shit, he made it to the tree! Didn't even notice.
"Alright, get comfortable," Y/N spoke up, then smiled as he collapsed against the tree. He looked decent enough, really. Except for while he was walking, he didn't seem to be too uncomfortable. But she trusted him when he said it hurt.
Once again, she dropped to her knees in front of him, watching his face turn red quickly. "Any way I can do this that'll help you calm down?"
He shook his head. "I'm okay, it's just uh... I'm fine."
"It's just what," She asked, not wanting to fuck up somehow if she didn't have to.
"I don't.... I don't think I'm very good at this tyoe of thing," He gulped.
"Oh," Y/N smiled, and god, it was bright. "That's okay. It's just me. I won't make any jokes, promise."
Well since she was being nice. "But what if I mess up?"
"There's not much you can do to mess up," She chuckled.
"I disagree."
Y/N hummed at that. "I get it. You're nervous. But you really can't mess up here."
"But-"
"Xiao," She grabbed his face with one hand, successfully squishing his cheeks. "If you do something that wrong, I will let you know. I will smack you in this pretty face if I have to. Understand?"
He nodded and she smiled, letting go. "Lift your hips," She wasn't expecting him to listen instantly, but he was probably really wanting to get on with his dick to stop hurting. He was practically limping.
She slid the more loose pants off his legs, and set them aside. Her next step was tp take that damn cover off. Obviously, it was not helping him, other than hiding it.
"Not even a pair of boxers," Y/N asked, working on loosening the cover. Why did he need one so damn intricate? "No wonder your dick hurts, this is like metal."
"I know," He huffed. "The fabric was too rough."
"And the metal isn't," She snicked, finally taking the damn cover fully off. And damn, was it fucking messy. It looked like he had came repeatedly already.
Eh. She could deal with that.
She didn't bother waiting to grab his dick, but pulled away when he flinched, hard. "Did that hurt?"
"N- no," He shook his head quickly. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," Y/N chuckled, and held onto his dick again. More carefully this time. "Rough or gentle?"
"Gentle."
She nodded, and gave an experimental tug. She expected another flinch, or a gasp. Not the moan that was practically yelled, and him fucking into her hand, not gently.
"Fuck," He practically sobbed.
Y/N raised an eyebrow but smiled in amusement, watching tears fill his eyes so quickly. She just kept her hand still, letting him do his thing.
He couldn't think straight. All he knew was that a cold-ish hand wrapped around his dick, and god, he needed relief. But he caught himself and stopped, pulling away. "I'm sorry," He was deeply embarrassed by the fact he was crying.
"Stop," Y/N sat up, moving to lean over him. He slid more on the ground during his moment so it wasn't hard. "It's okay, Xiao. C'mon."
He moaned again as she held his dick again, just as gently. And with her above him, smiling at him reassuringly, god, he needed to come.
"You were doing so good, fuck my hand again," She started moving her hand first, but stopped once his hips started to buck up, slowky this time. "Good job, you're doing such a good job."
He choked out a moan, hands gripping at Y/N's wrist and waist. "Don't stop, please."
"I won't," She assured him, despite knowing he was doing most the work here.
"Y/N," He gasped, hips stuttering. "Kiss me? Please?"
That caught her off guard, but she listened. She leaned in and groaned when Xioa slammed them together. The kiss was messy but Xiao was moaning throughout it, so she didn't complain.
"Thank you," He whimpered against her lips. "Feels so- You feel so good, please don't stop."
Y/N felt her breathing pick up. She didn't know he would be like this. She liked it though, how fucking whiney he was, hips excited to fuck just her hand.
So she kissed him, just as roughly as he did. He grabbed a handful of her hair to keep her in place, fucking into her hand faster. Her hand was absolutely covered in the old come, but she hoped more would be joining soon.
He pulled away to whine into her shoulder. "It's not enough," He sobbed, frustrated and embarrassed.
"Okay," Y/N nodded, taking a deep breath. "Just uh, give me a second, okay?"
He nodded, pulling away so she could do what she needed. He watched her every move, the way her arms flexed as she pulled her jacket, the way, her eyes closed as she pulled her hair up, and god, the way she looked at him.
He yelped as she grabbed his legs and pulled, quickly and roughly. She kept doing so until he was laying on his upper back and shoulders, and his legs were on her shoulders, successfully putting his dick and ass practically in his face.
This was so fucking embarrassing, what was he-
"Oh fuck," He yelled as her tongue ran up his length, her hands holding his hips to keep him from squirming too much. "Yes!"
She kissed his thigh but pulled away again. "What all did you do to try and get off?"
He paused at the question, mind running much to quick to process it quickly. "I uhm- I jacked off?"
"That's it," She asked, looking confused.
"Well," He gulped. "I took a cold shower and um... Fingered myself," He gulped again, looking away.
"Jesus christ Xiao," Y/N mumbled, looking to his ass. "Can I eat you out?"
So many different ways to answer that. So many ways to say yes. But he didn't think one really fit the situation like he wanted.
"Please, Y/N," He choked out, reaching out to hold her hand.
Y/N held his hand back, before going to eat him out. He immediately jumped, then moaned softly. So she brought her free hand up to jack him off, gently again.
Xiao could barely think. Y/N's tongue inside of him, the hand around his cock, and god, the way she fucking manhandled him so he wouldn't move. He could get used to this, he wanted more of this. He wanted this everyday, just Y/N.
God, the things he would want to do to Y/N if she let him. All of it went way past sex. No, he liked her more than that. He wanted a life with her, not just the sex, even though it sounded great.
And god, it was great. Y/N was relentless, obviously trying hard to make him come. It was just like, whenever he felt he was getting close, he just wouldn't come. He hoped that Y/N would make a difference, and yeah, it felt way better. But he still wasn't coming.
"Y/N," He whimpered after a few minutes of wordless moans, and grabbing at her. "It's- It's not-" He shook his head.
Y/N didn't want to give up at this point. Xiao was fucking close, she knew it. So she adjusted him again, letting his legs lean back into the air, rather than hwr shoulders.
She let two fingers slide in and almost groaned at how easily they slid in. God, this would be a great time to have her strap on her. Damnit.
She searched for that spot she knew was there, other hand wrapping around Xiao's hips so he was stop moving around so much.
"There," He gasped. "Yes, fuck, there yes, that's it," He nodded, hand going down to find Y/N's thigh. He really needed something to hold.
Y/N loosened her arm from his hips to go back to his dick. She let her fingers curl everytime she moved them in, to hit that one spot that was making him jump.
God, he was sobbing again. His mind switched from completely full, to absolute empty. He couldn't think, he only felt those goddamn hands. He wasn't sure what he was saying but hes pretty sure he was talking. Or just mindlessly babbling.
Regardless, he was past the point of embarrassment.
He didn't know when she added a third finger but he felt it when he felt his stomach twisting. He sobbed loudly. "I'm gonna cum, please Y/N," He gripped her thigh roughly, maybe too rough, but Y/N didn't say anything. "Oh- God fuck! Please!"
Y/N huffed, keeping her pace even. This was working.
Until it wasn't.
She sighed when Xiao didn't come, and felt his frustrated groan, a hand going up to wipe hie tears.
"This is pointless," He dropped his weight on her, not caring at this point.
Y/N thought this over. His cock was very clearly sensitive, a very deep red and he seemed to be getting tired.
Xiao was ripped from his hating thoughts when Y/N pulled away completely. "What-"
"C'mon," She threw him his pants.
"Did I- What are we doing," He asked, breathing heavy. No. He didn't want to stop. Even if it wasn't working- No, he needed Y/N. Fuck, no, she can't just leave.
"We're-"
"I love you," He blurted out, stopping both of them.
Y/N paused. "What?"
"I love you," No turning back now. "I'm in love with you, if anyone can make me come, it's you. Please don't leave me like this, Y/N, I'm begging you."
Y/N watched Xiao cry with wide eyes. It wasn't out of pleasure this time, but she could tell he was getting overwhelmed, he even looked scared.
"Xiao," She mumbled, sitting by him and holding him. He sobbed, holding her back. "I'm not leaving, I promise. I was never leaving. It's okay, take a deep breath."
"Don't leave," He could barely tell it was his own voice. It was shaky, and almost pathetic, but Y/N just held him closer, kissing the top of his head.
"It's okay," She assured him, lifting his head and wiping away tears. "Look at me."
He looked her in the eye and almost broke down all over again at the look in her eye. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm right here."
"I love you," He shook his head. "Don't push it aside, please acknowledge it, I love you Y/N. I don't want you to leave me after this, please don't."
Y/N sighed, kissing him. He groaned, kissing her back and then looked at her for her next words. Anything more.
"I love you too, Xiao," She wiped more tears away. "I am head over heels for your dumbass."
He couldn't help but chuckle. "Do you really?"
"Yeah," She nodded. "And we'll talk about that later okay? I promise we will. But I need you to answer something for me."
He nodded. He was sure he would do anything right now, if she asked.
"Did you purposely not let yourself come because you thought I would leave you here," She asked, a thumb still caressing his cheek, despite most of the tears being dried up.
"No," He shook his head, then thought it over. "Maybe? I don't know, it could've been part of it but it wasn't on purpose. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," She smiled softly, then blew out of breath. "Thank god, I thought I was losing my touch."
Xiao smacked her arm, rolling his eyes. That was definitely her, alright.
Y/N chuckled. "Okay c'mon. Let's do this again."
He watched her move back between his legs, spreading them over her own thighs, so he was on display for her once again.
"Wait," He spoke up. "So what were you doing, if you weren't leaving?"
"Oh," She tilted her head. "I was gonna fuck you at my place."
He blinked. "...why not here, like everything else?"
"I wanted a condom, and my strap is in ny bedroom," She snorted. "I don't want to pop out a baby quite yet."
"That's fair," He nodded with a sigh.
"Mhm," She hummed, a hand pushing up his shirt. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Xiao nodded, looking to her with a small smile. God, he better fucking come, it was going to be embarrassing as hell if he didn't.
She wrapped her hand around he again, gently. The other hand made its way to his right nipple, moving her thumb over it before she pinched it, still gentle.
He moaned again, breathing picking up. "Oh fuck," He wished he could stop crying.
"Good boy," She hummed and he twitched, starting to fuck her hand all over again. And again, he wasn't gentle with himself.
"Call me it again, please," He practically begged.
"You're such a good boy, Xiao," Y/N grinned, watching him fuck her hand harder.
"Just yours," He whined.
"Yeah, you're my good boy," She kissed his chest, then moved to kiss his neck. "You're doing so good, c'mon baby, you can come. You're look so pretty, fucking up into my hand."
His jaw dropped as he whimpered, his orgasm sneaking up on him. "I- I'm- Y/N-"
"Yes, come baby," Xiao thrived at the way she sounded as breathless as him, and came all over her hand.
He gripped onto her hard, body jerking closer and farther from her hand. "Ah fuck fuck FUCK," His eyes rolled back, and it felt like it wouldn't stop.
But next thing he knew, he was in a bed. Not his, no. But looking at the room, he could tell it was Y/N's. It was so her.
"Sup," He jumped at Y/N's voice. She stood in the doorway to her room, eating something. "You're awake!"
Xiao sighed, sitting up. "God, what happened?"
"Dude, you came so much," Y/N laughed. "Its was so hot. But you pretty much blacked out from there. I almost took you to your place but my place was closer and you looked like you really needed some rest."
She walked away for a second but came back with another plate and handed it to him. "I cleaned you up but you should eat."
"Thank you," He frowned a bit. "For everything."
"No need to thank me," She shook her head, setting her plate aside. Go ahead and eat. We'll talk afterwards, okay?"
He nodded, head hanging.
She kept him talking pretty much throughout the whole time they ate, about random things. Events coming up, whether he had to do anything significant soon, or what he did over that week.
Then when they were done, Xiao laid back in her bed, waiting for her return. She said she was just cleaning the dishes but she was taking awhile. But she did come back, with his clothes, now clean.
"Thank you," He looked back down, once he had the clothes, seeing she even fixed a hole in the left pant leg. "Why'd you do that?"
"I got bored," She shrugged, sitting by him. "What's up?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you're pouting," She chuckled. "C'mon, talk to me. What's wrong?"
Xiao shrugged, because he didn't really know. He was happy, Y/N loved him back, she did all these great things for him, what was there to feel bad about?
"Is has to be something," She held his hand and he felt his eyes shoot to them. Fuck yes!
"I don't know," He spoke truthfully. "It's nothing specific. I guess... I feel bad that you did all this, maybe. Had sex with me in an almost open field, brought me here when I passed out, made me food, cleaned and fixed my clothes. I think it would've been easier to just take me home or just leave me there."
"Do you think you're a burden for me," She asked with a frown, and he shrugged.
"I guess you could say that."
"Xiao," She turned his head and kissed him. It was soft, and much more controlled than their other's. Her lips moved gently over his and he sighed, taking a tighter hold of her hand.
"You will never be a burden to me," Y/N looked him in the eye when she pulled away, still holding his face so he wouldn't looked away. "Everything I did today, I did because I wanted to. I wanted to do it for you. And you deserved it all, and so much more."
He sighed, taking a risky move to hold her. But she held him back, kissing the top of his head. "Thank you. You know... I'm so down for you to peg me."
"Now?!"
"Oh yeah."
#xiao#xiao genshin impact#genshin impact#xiao genshin smut#xiao genshin x reader#genshin impact xiao#genshin impact smut#xiao x reader#sub xiao#xiao x female reader#xiao x female y/n
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💘🔥💘🔥18+ PAC What’s The Dynamic Between You and Your Crush’s Love Story
🌹breath in and out for 5 second before you pick a pile and make sure you Comment and Reblog. Tell me what you think of this reading.🔥 Remember this is a general readings take what resonate and what doesn’t. I hope this reading gives you clarity. Remember energy changes all the time. Enjoy it !!.
❤️💋🌹Pile 1:
Meeting: I can see that you and your Crush love story is going to be amazing and headaches at the same time. So I think that you or your crush is a Libra Sun, Moon or Rising or vice versa. You can be a Taurus Sun, Moon or Rising because they can be a Uranus dominant or you could be a Uranus dominant as well. Maybe you or them have a Libra degree or Taurus degree. You and your crush energy together is going to be wild. I can see that they are nerdy types or you can be a nerd in a good way. I can see that their energy is calm but I think that they are street smart, regardless if they are geeks. Or it can be that you are street smart. I heard them say “Oh she handles the business.” So basically you will handle the business for your crush. Oh yeah when y’all two together as meeting it’s going to be so peaceful, fun, and wild 😛. I feel like when you meet them they have such a beautiful personality or vice versa. Oh I think that this connection will go on quickly. Like you two will date automatically. I can see that they might introduce you to their parents or friends. It’s like I don’t know I can feel their excitement for you or vice versa. You two will make giggle 🤭 off the meeting. Don’t worry I’ll go into depths of this dynamic. So the meeting with you, I can see them being friendly and understanding with you. I feel like they’ll buy you chocolate 🍫 and flowers. Maybe not on purpose but it seems like you two will be wearing matching outfits, touching hands together and flirting with each other. Woah in the beginning is so cute 🥰 already you are their zing 😘❤️🩹. They might wrap their arms around you, just to be next to you. I can see that. Some of you, I think that you or your crush is a doctor or a male stripper but I can see that they keep that part of themselves private. They have high cheekbones or you do. You love playing with their cheeks, I know that you love their cheeks. You probably have a mole on your cheek or they do. If you wanna see what they look like but for some of you they are probably Caucasian with an Afro or few of you they are probably Black with an Afro. I heard pro black your crush is or you are. They have unhealthy habits or you do.
Dating: When you two start dating it seems like they’ll be simpy for you. Very possessive and clingy or vice versa. But here’s the thing, remember what I said there won’t be ex involved like that. Well they might be involved when you two start dating or courting. However you take it as. In beginning I think they going to feel like they are being used. Because what happened in the past before or you are going to feel that way. I think that you two is going to argue for first time especially when you two are dating. So I think that both will be immature about this situation. One of you might be petty and run off or your crush will be the dickhead. So I can see that childish behavior and y’all might break up for a little while. Maybe your ex or their ex used to bullied them, it bother the shit out of them. She or he tried to mentality break them down. Or before they go on date with you probably got a bad text from this ex. What makes me feel like both of you won’t see the signs of the issue here, y’all going to be arguing with each other. My advice pause for a moment think about it. I’m sorry I don’t mean to sound rude but both of you guys gotta shut up and fix the problem. I sense that its you that will be the one that’s leaving them behind. I sense that some of you are a runner, no offense that’s pissed me off. Especially if it ain’t your crush fault don’t run away. Yes both of you will be stubborn and saying immature things but it’s okay that happens. You’ll surrender and have faith with them. Once you leave the date, let’s just say you guys outside of a restaurant and you two arguing. You’ll leave them right there. I heard that they’ll take you home. They can’t sleep without you, I told you that simpy vibes. They’ll be possessive over you, saying “Are you mad at me still?” It doesn't matter if you two argue they'll apologize even if they aren’t their fault. I won’t say this is your ultimate soulmate, but I can say this is Your future partner. This is an everlasting connection between you and them. I was right! You two will make up for what happened that night. They’ll say they're sorry to you and you too. Again in the beginning you’ll probably say to them “I’m single now.” You’ll walk off after that. I heard that they’ll chase you down. I sense that some of you might be a Leo sun, Moon, Venus or Rising. Once you two surrender to each other, then you two will sky hide into the skies 🌌 together. See! I was right! Both of you are made for each other. This is destiny between you and your crush. I can feel it.
Relationship: It seems like to me, your crush will have old feelings with you. I think that they think that they might have delusional thoughts about you or vice versa. I don’t think that they’ve made a mistake being in a relationship with you. I feel like before they ask you out. They’ll be low-key feelings for you. Y’all are love birds when you and your crush are together. I think that it's you and your first lifetime together. I can see a lot of intense sex and emotions. A lot of passionate kissing 😽 left to right. It don’t matter if you are in public with them or anything they’ll fucking grab that ass of yours. You two will bring a lot of security in this relationship together. You’ll be protective of your energy on the outsiders is what I’m feeling like. Oh okay you or your crush will instigate some kind of bullshit maybe that’s where you protect your energy. Whenever your crush is in a dark place you’ll go ahead and walk away from them. For some of you, either you or them is a great communicator or both of you guys will be babblers. I can see that you two staying up all night and just talking your ears out. I think that there will be some type of inference. I don't see it as heavy though. I feel like your person will handle it. But for a few of you, I think that there will be some inferences here. Like I said I don’t see it as a major issue. It is something deeper than that. If that makes sense. I think that in a relationship both of you will be putting in the effort making it work with your partner. They’ll fight for you and you’ll fight for them. I think that either your ex or theirs will be stalking your IG page or theirs. I think they are a water sign, your crush might be a Pisces. I can feel like they are or you can be. I can see that they are highly sensitive and emotional. Again that can be you.
Issues: I see the issue of this problem. There might be some red flags 🚩 when you two are in a relationship. So one of you will be workaholic and the other one might be spending money stupidly. Y’all are going to have an intense argument or should I say confrontation. Again I believe that’s you being the career oriented person. Just working and working nonstop. They might be broke for a minute. Some of you might go through your crush's phone, some of you. But I believe for a few of you won’t have time for the games because you are so focused on your career and making sure you are set to go. I think that they won’t remember what happened, like again I think that your crush will be talking to someone else, I heard that they’ll be bored 😐 for a second because you are so focused on your career, they might feel alone. I don’t think they’ll date someone else behind your back or again that can be you. Y’all won’t get along for a minute. Again this is destiny y’all will figure out the issue. Ohhh 😮 I heard someone might drug your crush be careful. So they might know what happened. They probably went to meet up with an old friend maybe. Major red flags 🚩 in these issues. Careful please. Once you two understand the issue here and compromise on things. You two will become more mature and less tense 😬 on each other. Like codependent on each other. This reminds me of the other reading I did. When you meet your FS and after the meeting. See some of that energy never change. Which is good. You two are destined no matter what. There are going to be times that your Partner will be drunk a lot. They might be addicted to drinking alcohol 🍺 they going to do a lot of impulsive behavior and Vice versa. They might drink dial you when you are at work or at an important meeting. So you’ll get to the bottom line of the situation with them, I don’t blame you. They might go down a dark path but you’ll help them. So they might do some snake 🐍 damage shit or vice versa. It can be you too. They might be an asshole or you are going to be a bitch. But in my opinion, so the fuck what. If they act stupid and out of control, put them in their place. I feel like you are. I can feel like you're more the aggressive one then they are. Because I told you that Pisces keep into them maybe they have Pisces degrees or Mars Pisces. They’ll shut down, especially when they are in trouble. I can see that your the Lion 🦁 roar at them.
Proposal: I can see that your crush will propose to you at a fancy dinner party or a concert for some of you is what I’m feeling like. But for a few of you, I can see it as where they would want to be alone with you. Ooh 😮 I see what kind of ring your Crush will get you. Some of you might be wearing a crystal ring 💍. Some of you might have a jet 🛩️ proposal. They’ll ask you to marry them on a Jet plane ✈️ and few of you might be surprised on social media. I think they’ll tell their friends first and they’ll go ring shopping with their friends. Few of you might surprise you with a diamond ring.
Wedding 💒: Ohhh 😮 I can see that you are marrying your other half. Some of you are. Remember some of you might be marrying your crush 😻. They’ll be photographers there taking pictures on your wedding day. Some of you might be getting married in the Rising Sun ☀️ or a few of you are going to be married at night. I keep seeing for some of you might be getting married at the beach. Your grand opening ceremony might be out of town and some of you may have dinner dates before your wedding. Soon as you walk down the aisle. It’s like they’ll fall in love 🥰 with you all over again. The second they look at you, omg 😱 I can see them watering in their eyes 👀. Woah 🤯 fucking mind blowing really. Oh my fucking GoD!! Yess 🙌🏾🙌🏾💘. Some of you are going to have a luxury wedding, very fancy and beautiful wedding 💒. I can do it for myself. Maybe you or them will decide to pick the colors I can see white, or baby blue for your wedding. A few of you are going to have a spiritual wedding, nothing too fancy, doesn’t mean it won’t be beautiful because it is. I can see a few people will be there at your wedding, especially if you are going to be pregnant! TWIN BOYS!!! Woah 🤯 fucking awesome.
Honeymoon & Pregnancy: Oh my goodness, you two are traveling all over the place, I mean traveling to different honeymoons. I can see that some of you might be pregnant already or a few of you are going to get pregnant 🤰🏾 on your honeymoon. So I can see that the first place you might go to is New Orleans. Enjoying your crush's home background or their culture. I can see that you two traveling to France, Greece, Ohio, and the Bahamas 🇧🇸. Oh okay I also see some of you might have a tan. Oh I can see a fancy gown you are going to be wearing, and a lot of passion love making. See! I was right exploring multiple vacations. I think at night. I think most of the time you will be doing that. Both you and your crush walking on the beach 🏝️ together just walking and holding hands. Oh my god, okay remember what I said! That some of you have twin boys. I think that’s after you have your kids before you get married to your crush. Then you get pregnant again on the honeymoon. Either you are going to have a baby girl or some of you are going to have a baby girl. She’s a Angel 👼 like she’s going to have a such a calm personality, so calm and relaxed. I heard her personality is like a mediation session. A few of you are going to have a baby boy, holy shit this boy will be such a fucking energetic boy. I think that before your baby comes you might come up with baby names. A few of you might have a water birth, when you go back home or have your baby on your honeymoon. Bought them coloring books 📚 and they’ll be satisfied. Again I think that some of you are already having babies but going to get pregnant again. Baby girls or boys are going to have smooth hair.
💘Pile 2:
The Meeting: Alright, off the first meeting, you two will like each other off the first sight. I mean I think that your crush will pull you aside and just start talking to you. They would wanna get you all alone. Either you or them might played basketball or are playing basketball 🏀. Oh I heard them say I like flowers. So maybe they like flowers 💐. You are their heartbeat 💓. The second they see you or vice versa, your heart and theirs beats fast. Again it was an instant attraction between you and your crush. They’ll pull themselves around you. I can see that they might have braces or you do. You can see yourself dating them and vice versa. Either they are a Lilith dominant or a Sun dominant. So they can be a Taurus, Aries, Or a Pisces sun, Moon, Venus or Rising. You can be Taurus Sun, Moon or Rising. Wow Water and Earth that’s good 😊 that’s a lot of mud though. Lol 😂. Or some of you have these house placements or degrees. Probably like Aries degrees. I feel like your energy and theirs is going to be hilarious 😂 together. I believe that some of you are very animated people. I think that your crush has a dork energy. They seem so geeky like nobody else gets that side from them beside you. If that makes sense. I think that you two would be equal to each other. Either you or them can be childish at times. Especially I believe it's on your side. I don’t get it from their side. Honestly. I believe that your crush is your soulmate but I’m getting more of a sense like a buddy than romantic 💘 one for some of you. It can get there because right there they were instantly attracted to you. So this might be your sex buddy. Anyways they are living a double life or you are living a double life. They probably have twin girls 👧🏾 or a baby girl. When you meet them. Uhm 😐 their ethnicity is different from yours like they probably Hispanic or a Latino. Or vice versa. They have a square face, they probably married like they have a wife , that's why I said the double life. They’ll like you instantly but it seems like they’ll be dating someone else. For some of you I believe they are dating someone else, but a few of you, they probably are a single dad with nieces or kids of their own they are taking care of.
Dating: Alrighty then, I can see that your crush whether or not it’s a male or female or both they’ll be simpy for you. I’ll be clingy, possessive and protective of you. Wow 🤩 no matter they’ll do anything for you. You or them are probably doing readings on each other, especially this one who’s living a double lifestyle than you. I can see them stalking you, being jealous that you are hanging out with other people like male guys or girls. You are the best woman to them. They can see a future with you. I believe that their anger and jealousy will block their clarity of you because they’re going to think that you are using them. See! Clouded Arguments, they are not going to see both sides of the story. Again this is a bit similar to pile 1. If you want to go ahead and check it out, it might be a message for you. I think they’ll ruin the date for you or vice versa. Oh I heard my spirit guides, they are always in their own heads. It seems like to me they are overthinkers or you are. I was right, you are more spiritual than they are. You are more in tune with your guides than your crush is. Don’t worry I think that you’ll get them there. They’ll fix the issue though with you. I can see them making amends with you and apologizing for what they say to you. They won’t give up on their feelings for you. So I think they’ll ask you out again. So the second shot with them will be perfect. Don’t worry this time I think they will control their behavior better. They’ll be crushing on you heavily. Of course on the date I think they’ll tell you or you’ll tell them that you have a crush on them. So in the beginning of this date it’s going to be like a fling. I heard fast paced. So you two will get together quickly. They won’t stop thinking about you and you won’t stop thinking about them.
Relationships: Holy moly! Again you two will go through a lot of hard times together. Especially being in a relationship with them or vice versa. When you dance on them or they dance on you. You’ll be making your partner horny asf. Again yes now I’m getting the romantic vibes but this makes me feel for some of you this might be a friend that you know that likes you. Anyways for a few of you I feel like of course you two will be boyfriend and girlfriend and yes both of you will say fucked up things to each other. But you two are meant to heal each other's wounds together. So you two will definitely trigger each other heavily. I think because of their past relationships, trauma or situations and Vice versa. I believe that they’ll come up to you and say that they are sorry 😢. They’ll take accountability for it. You are going to be in love with them and vice versa. I think you or them is going to say I love you 😘 first. No matter how it comes out like sex, dating or whatever that is. You two will make each other happy but first though you have to climb up those mountains to get to the top. See! You or them will feel like a rebound but I’m getting it from your side because they are living that stupid ass double life before. It’s going to trigger the shit out of you. Please be careful. Look whatever you decide to do, that's your choice. Both of you are each other’s divine counterpart, oh my goodness I think that you are going to get pregnant or maybe discussing it with them. Ahhh 😱 I’m screaming. See!! Having an arrangement about it. Maybe you two are deciding to have some baby making. If you are then congratulations 🍾 🎉. I feel like once you two start to mature better than you start making a family together. Woah 😳 you two have a passionate connection and some passionate kisses 😚 dahammmmm!! Yes sir! Woah 🤯 fucking incredible. Okay when I see No longer union makes me feel like the past with their ex- problems or wife or baby mother. She might be stalking them because she’s jealous of some of you. See! I was right, friends to lovers, didn’t I say that you know this friend. Some of you know this person whether or not it’s a girl or male or a unicorn. Go ahead, give it a shot. I think in the beginning you didn’t like each other at first. I believe oh my god. I think you two will celebrate your anniversary together, because I think they ask you out in the summertime. Don’t worry they’ll be very communicative to you because they don’t know how to shut up. So do I. So they know how to keep a conversation going. They are very dedicated to you. I don’t believe that any of you for this pile won’t break up at all. Of course space is needed. But not break up. They are so charming to you. They’ll be flirting with you, even in a relationship with you they’ll be flirting. I told you that this is simpy vibes. So a proper date! Ohh what a romantic moment. Maybe they ask you out on your birthday 🎂 like a surprise.
Issues: Okay, It seem like they were a thug or they are a thug. They used to sell drugs or was a drug dealer or doing it. But they were locked up before in jail or prison. I heard they were on house arrest. They probably broke the rules and got themselves caught. They are willing to change their lifestyle for you. Even the way how they used to speak. No more street slang for them. They are already to change their life around for you. So I think that they’ll be honest with you about their past experiences and decisions. So they are taking in a new level. So then before they got themselves into some real troubles. Truly. Maybe some of the friends they had were probably giving them the side eye treatment😒😒. I heard one of those friends “He thinks he better than us.” Ugh SMFH! Those friends aren’t good for them. See! They’ll be sprung for you and some of the past people won’t be happy about that. So they’re going to be some inference in this issues with an ex. So they might be beefing with their online or you might be. Remember this is both of you. You’ll help them get into some tarot cards readings. Connected them to their spirit guides. It like they really wanna turn their life around or Vice versa. Oh see! I was right about these fucking friends or these friends that they are surround or vice versa. They was in danger ⚠️ because they almost got poisoned 🤮 or Vice versa. It was a lot of impulsive behavior they have been doing lately. Again I think that they’ll be hung up on the fact that they trying to change their life around. You or the both of you will irreconcilable differences with these outsiders. Again if you are dealing with a father then that shit in the past is fucking over it. I think that you or them will through some ups and downs about with these outsiders and your past and theirs. I told you it’s a lot with your crush but I heard it worth the fight.
Proposal: Oh yes, they’ll surprise you on a date or vice versa. I can see you dress up so beautifully and they are dressed up in some fancy suits. I can see them tying a red ribbon 🎀 on your wrist and blindfolding you to the surprise date they have been waiting for to do. I can see them talking to a butler at the restaurant and they are tapping the glass to make an announcement about the surprise!. I believe they’ll get one knee and ask you to marry them or you may ask them to marry you. They’ll give you an old traditional ring 💍. Probably a ring that their parents or grandparents had and they give it to your crush. Yup! They’ll bring your parents and theirs as well to make an announcement about the proposal and vice versa.
Wedding: Oh yes, you will have your wedding at the casino 🎰 like I can see Las Vegas maybe. Don’t look at it as eww 😷 or hell no. This is the ultimate happiness between you and your crush. You’ll have a luxury gown and luxury wedding 💒 Woah it’s going to be very expensive as hell. Probably a big ass ceremony between you and your crush on your wedding day. Oh my god, walking down the aisle oh my god. I bet you are going to look GORGGEOOUUSSSS!!! Yes your crush will get a suit Taylor and pick out his best man. I think you’ll have a honeymoon suite at your wedding reception in your casino. I heard it’s for free.
Honeymoon & Pregnancy: I think that before you go on your honeymoon you’ll have a small ceremony at your wedding for a little bit then start traveling all over the place. No wonder you two will go on multiple honeymoon’s together. Like Ohio, Missouri, Santa Barbara, New Zealand and Tahiti. Partying together and doing nightclub activities. Smoking weed together and videotaping the memories you have together on your vacation. I think that you two will have so much fucking fun together. Okay this makes me feel like some of you are going to get pregnant on your wedding day. And a few of you will get pregnant 🤰🏾 on your honeymoon. Woah 😳 y’all will get some Quadruplet babies 👶🏾. Oh my god, four babies inside of you dang! Yes 🙌🏾 amazing 😻. Your baby is going to bite a lot. Some of your babies will have thick hair. Most of your babies will have smooth hair.
Pile 3:
The Meeting: Off the first meeting seeing you, they are thinking about you heavily. Vice versa. You are thinking about them. Whenever you see them your heart is racing fast 💨. Woah 🤯 you instantly attracted to each other. Amazing 🥲. They wanna date you already and vice versa. Either you or them is a Sagittarius Sun, Moon or rising or you have one those things in your house placements or degrees then amazing. Vice versa. Maybe they are Mercury dominant or Pluto dominant. I see that you or them are some babblers who love to talk. Off the back they would want to meet your parents if some of you guys are cool with your parents if not probably like a sibling or whatever. You might want to meet their parents. Which is still amazing. You want to be a couple with them.
FRIENDS: When you guys are friends, this makes me feel like they’ll be very protective, possessive, and obsessed with you. I can see that you two are having an amazing time together. You guys will help uplift each Goethe spirit and compliment each other with the light and dark sight of y’all self. Which is fucking wonderful because in my deck I’m seeing self-love what’s make me feel about this that you’ll start to feel confident and embrace your own beauty in your own way and Vice versa. I love that no matter what, if you do music then they’ll blast your music while pulling up to your house while the whole neighborhood hears it. I can see you guys having that play fight with each other. It reminds me of that movie Jeepers creepers, the movie shows Trish and Darry when they are fighting with each other. Like look at the chemistry of these two. I can that you two playing video games 🎮 together probably trying to make the other person lose the game. Woah 🤯 that’s fucking awesome babes. Haha 😂 I heard them “ I love a competition.” In a playful way they love to compete. So gear up they are very competitive with you guys. Haha 😂 love it. I can see they have a crush on you.! Aww I mean duh 😒 this is a love story. But this is fucking amazing 😻 like seriously. That’s so funny. So yes for some of you this is your twin flames you guys are going to be hanging out with and just having a bomb ass time. Laughter 😂 oh my god I think that I don’t know but I do this as well but y’all probably roleplaying the roles of movies or tv shows acting them out together. Oh Woah 🤯 you two will have a lot of inside jokes together. Playful arguments and play fighting like really putting paws 🐾 on each other but in a gentle way is what I’m getting from it. I can see it! Animated Omg 😱 that’s so fucking cool asf. Stoner!! Yes if some of you are looking for a weed buddy! Then HERE IT IS!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh 😱😱😱😱. Here’s your weed buddy. If some of you guys smoke, if not then your crush is a stoner bro. He loves to smoke weed not cigarettes I don’t feel that way with them or you might be. But they love smoking weed. They smoke when they get up in the rising afternoons and even after they finish eating their food so they can eat again. So they are literally a stoner. Fucking potheads right!! 😂 but nah they are super chill asf. Nothing gets them mad.
Dating: It seems like you or them is going to be in a deep depression, probably thinking suicide, I don’t know what’s going on for some y’all crushes but that’s exactly how he would think when he dating you. So yeah they may feel or you may feel like you being used or past pain heartbroken 💔 from the past. It seems like in my opinion the first date with them is going to be tough and hell. Meaning as where you’ll be in a round and round with them or vice versa. I think that’s why you or them might go home early and they are going to ask you out on a second date and because I believe that they are Traditional Lovers! They are very strict, probably a Muslims or Christian. Either way they follow rules. So some of you might first come love then come marriage and then baby. For some of you I believe that. So you will call out their bullshit, being petty or saying stupid things. So in the beginning of the date they will be fucking in a dark place, like eww! Just be careful and walk away from them. Or I sense that maybe before they bring that energy to you for a few of you they will walk up so they might not be feeling the first time on the date. Like I said just be careful and yes energy does change that can be you. Proof photos make me feel some type of way, I don’t know maybe for some of you. Someone is going to expose them or you.. I don’t know if they're going to be in a bad mood on this first date. Okay fuck the first date I’m sorry! About that now let’s check on the second date. Okay I told you in the beginning! Oh holy shit! Let me get my energy together! Now I feel like you are going to be the one that will confess your feelings. I mean truly confess to them. So either you or them have to open your mouth and express how you feel, don’t be a dick about it but just be consistent with their feelings. You might think that they are a liar or you are. They might be a playa! You might not wanna trust this crush of yours. Yes it is real between you and them but it seems like this connection kinda starts off with the wrong way in the beginning remember IN THE BEGINNING!! So yes you're going to have to gear up! Probably happen very soon, days, weeks or months or years from now. But still remember this is happening for you. Last life together, maybe you and their soul will be separated again!! Again this is your last life with them, so it must be tough. 5D only so they might be the spirit guide who you are dating. So they might go back to being your guide again. Aww ☺️ that’s so sweet but sad. Sorry y’all . Toxic! See it might get to a toxic place of being codependent being stuck in the drama and probably in a bad headspace. Remember what I said again they bury themselves in depression so one minute I’m not surprised if they are going through such rough times. I won’t go any further than that because that isn’t my place at all. But Anyways. Split souls! See some of you this might be your twin flame 🔥 your crush that came down here and handle what y’all need to handle. So the second date seems like it will be bad too as well. Because sometimes again I feel like in my opinion give this crush sometimes off. Give them their space because if they are in that bullshit ass playa crap then yes leave their asses.
Relationship & Issues: Okay with you and your crush it seems like to me that you guys are divine souls. That’s why I believe for a few of you this is your twin flame. But this one can be very toxic for you. Or you can be toxic for them because it seems like even if you are in a relationship with them, they are playing too many games. But you don’t want to let them go. Over one year away makes me feel like you are already in a relationship with them for a year or you are going to be with them for a year. They might be going to therapy or I heard they are dating! See! Or their ex is a therapist! Omfg 🤬 this shit with the back and forth! Let me ask this again for the both of you. If you wanna stay with your crush 😻 then that’s up to you. But few of you believe that they are Casanova lovers, because they love taking your virginity if you are one. Passionate kiss 💋 oh yess! They are great fucking kisser I mean you love kissing them. Because they are in it they are in it. Maybe that’s why flame 🔥 involved! Hahaha 🤣. I’m sorry that sounded to me in my head but Anyways. Security they’ll bring you a lot of security in your life and Vice versa. It seems like you’ll walk away from them but then you go right back to them. It is like in and out with them. Geez 🙄 I’m sorry again that’s up to you guys if you guys wanna go ahead deal with that shit. Geez 🙄 hell no! Not me. Okay here’s the problem now! Again you or them will be walking away from them because maybe they will be dating someone or fucking around with someone that’s why you are going to walk away from them. To be fucking honest! GOOD FOR FUCKING YOU!! I mean that shit! If you or your crush is showing any type of toxicity that can fucked up your grow then fucking leave them alone. But they might have broken with some money. These are issues you will go through with them. That you might be broke or then might not have enough money they just went through spending their money stupidly. Yeah right now leave their ass alone because your crush seems very childish, undeveloped and immature asf. I don’t like shit like that. I’m sorry for going off like that! I DON’T LIKE TIME BEING WASTED!! They’ll be deeply sorry about it and I can see them changing their lifestyle for you. I think once you leave them for good if you decide to not come back to them then they’ll change it. Because they want you back. See! I was right, Sprung for you! They’ll be possessive of you. See! Husband you’ll be married to them and yes this is your husband, I think that some of you this is your soulmate that’s what. Fuck off, they’ll will say fuck off to their exes, people and those toxic traits to other people. And their habits. Grass greener so there is going to be some type of jealousy, revenge and something. You two will joint accounts together for some of you. I believe that some of you will have a family with this person again. This is your crush as your soulmate and few of you are your twin flames. But again if some of you guys don't like labels then this is your other half. Misunderstand! Not feeling heard or being cast out or anything. Promise proposal so they’ll get you a promise ring. You’ll be excited, happy and proud to be their bride. Overcome these challenges so again once they change their mindset, happiness and they are going to start growing up which is clap clap 👏❤ for them. No more running away, facing darkness and taking responsibilities. So you should be proud of them because that they fucking growing the tf up.
Proposal & Wedding: Okay Woah 🤯, the way how they proposed to you is amazing. I think that for some of you, I believe that they will pop the question in front of you. Like I’m seeing a backyard and it's like in twilight when Bella went to her prom dance I think. If y’all know what I’m talking about then yeah that’s exactly what I’m seeing for you. So they might tell all of their friends and family but mostly yours and theirs. So a few of you will be going out to a restaurant and your family or their parents will be there just having a big ass pissed. They are so excited to be marrying you. So again some of you I can see a backyard and I’m hearing that song THOUSANDS YEARS. Maybe 🤔 you should listen to that song so your crush is probably giving you that dedication music. I can see them being nervous and sweating and crying 😢 because they have grown up so mature and want something different in their life. So maybe the ring 💍 is in the glass. I can see the people from the restaurant just clapping for you because you are getting married!!!!!!! Yesss. Okay with your wedding now *cough* you’ll be arguing at your wedding! I don’t know what it is about but you and your husband will be arguing on your wedding day. Maybe you were fighting over the colors or something didn’t go right on your wedding day and that shit right there sucks mad ass. Okay! Maybe you guys will argued about having a beach wedding and maybe they want a traditional wedding 💒 like in the church ⛪️. Some of you might be spiritual and want a spiritual wedding and I don’t blame y’all. But learn how to compromise here. Maybe have the ceremony at the all beach and all spiritual or Vice versa. A spiritual wedding and traditional ceremony. Balance it out between you two. You two go at like fucking crazy. Yikes 😳 just inhale and exhale. See! Family gathering, so maybe the family will be involved to help you guys compromise things and work it out. Let you both see eye to eye on things. My zing ❤️❤️❤️💘. I hope you guys remember that movie Hotel Transylvania!! My zing so it seems like they are always going to be like love at first sight with them always. I can see that with you two. It seem like it is a tough ass fucking journey between you and your crush but it is the worth. I heard them say “don't give up on me.” So don’t give up on them, yes it is a tough tough ass fucking road but it is worth it at end. Some of y’all decide if you don’t want to go through this! That’s okay.
PREGNANCY & HOME LIFE: OH MY GOD!! Somebody is getting pregnant 🤰 but I think you’ll be having a out of the country baby. I don’t think you should be on your feet 👣 while you going away. It seems like you have some baby names on the way. So for some of you that might be pregnant on your wedding day. 5-7 months pregnant and it might be a quick wedding because you want to leave right now. It is a BABY BOY!! Ahhhh 😱😱😱😱😱😱👏🏾I’m hella screaming for y’all like woah 🤯 Amazing 🥲. So some of you will have an out of state birth. Basically what that means is that your baby won’t be born here, it will be out of the country or state. Few of you will have a home birth. So maybe a few of you don't like hospital beds or hospitals and you wanna stay at home carrying your child and that’s me I’m the same way myself. Twins boys!! And twin girls so after you guys settled in into your marriage together a makes me feel your husband got some great ass dick I mean fucking yummy 🤤 I see that you and them are mommy and daddy. One of you does the cooking and they do the chores around the house. Yess so of course you are going to have some more babies. I think that after the first one. Y’all constantly having sex and sex like non-stopping sex! Damnn! Maybe handjobs. Finger Playing. Yass. I can see that you two are doing joint accounts together. So a lot of you are having boys first and I think that little bit of you guys are having twin girls. But after you guys have your boy first you are having twin boys… I MEAN TWIN BOYS!! Omg 😱 fucking amazing. Didn’t you see the level of growth that you and them went through to get to this amazing place? Personality! I think that your kids going to be a ballet 🩰 or loves dancing 💃 period and I can that for your girls or your boys. Which is fine.
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Actually, I'm not finished.
A lot of people (especially in online friendships) who struggle with their mental health put an overwhelming amount of pressure on their friends, even if they've only been speaking for a few months.
It's always some kind of 'I have this issue, but I'm working on it, so don't worry' until you don't message them back quick enough and they send you a lecture about how you must hate them and they're a terrible person and if you don't want to talk, you should just go.
You stop being their friend and turn into their source of encouragement and validation. They post depracating things about themselves so you'll tell them they're wrong. Every day. Every conversation. Something needs your attention constantly. And I mean constantly. If you leave them on read for too long, they dissolve and you're messaging them for hours trying to talk them off the ledge.
And what can you do? They don't do this maliciously. Most of the time they have a legitimate condition and their reactions are fueled by things outside of their control. And you love them. They're your friend. You want to help, but you have no idea how.
You can't say anything. Even gentle boundaries cause them to spiral. 'I'm at work on these days, so I won't reply until I get home' is met with 'I'm so sorry, I'm a terrible and needy person. If you want to leave, just go ahead. I don't want you to feel pressured to reply. I'm a horrible friend.' Telling them that their reactions are genuinely upsetting is worse. They accuse you of not caring about their disorder and it doesn't take much for them to tell you how close they are to killing themselves. They never say it directly, but it feels like they're blaming you. You shouldn't have said anything. You apologize, comfort them, beg them to stay, talk for hours to keep them calm and tell yourself never to be honest again.
You can't talk to your friend. Most topics are taboo. You can't have any negative feedback and if you even use different puncuation than usual they begin to accuse you of hating them. They start urging you to be honest, saying they know you must be annoyed and angry at them. And honestly? At this point they're right. You feel like a monster. They're so vulnerable and in such a terrible spot and you've let them think you hate them. No matter how much you try to bend around them, they can sense that you left the friendship weeks ago.
Things boil over. Every conversation is them challenging you to leave. Daring you. Almost begging you. They test you at every chance. You wonder if they actually hate you and want you to go. They've stopped sending extra messages when you don't reply. You stop messaging first and hope they forget about you. Maybe they do. Time goes by and you realize you haven't spoken in several months.
Whenever you think of them, you don't remember the jokes or the songs you shared or the movies you gushed over together. You remember bending over backwards and struggling to say just the right thing all the time. Why don't you miss them? You're an awful friend. They were in so much pain. It was all your fault. You should have tried harder. They never said anything mean to you, only themselves. They had such a hard life. You wonder if they're doing any better now. You wonder if you had stayed maybe they would have gotten out of that rough patch and become your friend again. You wonder if they ever went through with all those threats...
I'm just begging anyone who reads this to think about it next time they're about to send a message that resembles one of my examples here. Don't send it. Take a walk. Draw a picture. Watch an episode of TV. Eat. Take a shower. Do something- anything. Then go back and ask yourself- do you really want to say that? If you already know you have the 'sabotages every relationship' disorder, then maybe ask yourself beforehand if a certain message might be self-sabotaging. Before sending messages, type them in your notes app and ask if they sound reasonable. Idk. All I know is some things can't be unsent.
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Trimax Thoughts Vol. 10 Pt. 1
Stream of consciousness again. Here goes (I say with a lot of trepidation even though I have a sinking feeling I already know what's going to happen)
Coming back to edit the beginning here to, ah... inform you all that this pretty quickly devolved into a record of my complete mental breakdown. So, uh, idk, maybe this will be actually somewhat funny to read, especially for those of you who knew what was coming. My tears will be your balm for this week. Maybe.
I don't know how to verbalize this but there's something about this image I really like compositionally. There's something about it that evokes a kind of bittersweet peace. It just really sets a tone for what I'm pretty sure I know is to come. I am not ready.
"It's 'specially because of times like these that an idiot like him plays an important role. He's doin' somethin' extraordinary. He believes." <- so so so very true! A light in the dark is not just rebellious, it's necessary. He's allowing himself to hope, not because he suddenly believes as strongly as Vash in the world at large (he's still far from that) but because he believes in Vash himself.
Fuck right off Chapel.
He's literally being impaled by a cross. There's. Something to read in that but I'm sorry I know nothing about Catholicism/Christianity...
"obsessive sense of attachment" <- so long as his disciples do as he molds them to do. in that sense, it's a little reminiscent of Knives' desperation to keep Vash with him and his quick anger when Vash does not behave the way he expects him to, but it also kind of makes Chapel the anti-Wolfwood, in a way. The true lack of hope, the way he would apparently do just about anything for his child disciples, but only out of a sense of them being easier to mold/manipulate, rather than Wolfwood's genuine love for the kids at the orphanage, and the compassion he's shown downtrodden kids in general. Chapel values Razlo because he values his usefulness, which unfortunately makes sense as to why Razlo would be so loyal to him. I have to wonder the circumstances that led to Razlo killing all those people... I don't think it would've been for no reason at all - he killed Livio's parents because they were abusing them, killed the dog likely because of a grave miscalculation of cause-and-effect when it came to Jasmine almost dying, and killed the men who were tormenting Livio when he ran off. But anyways I hate how the EoM keeps shackling him and restraining him like he's some feral animal. Has anyone ever been kind to Razlo? Has anyone ever rewarded him for anything other than being useful? Look, kid had some serious issues that needed to have been addressed (instead of training the severely traumatized hair-trigger violent kid to be... even more violent lol what did they expect would happen?), but... look at him. He was still very much a kid who saw someone who proved that he was useful to them through an incredibly violent act - the only language Razlo actually understood. Idk if there's any reaching him now but... ugh.
Orphanage lady I adore you. Also the kids refusing to scatter hjdfhbvsjdf
"Why else would he bite the hand of his master?" Really, with this and the way Razlo is restrained in flashbacks, we're going for a strong "trained attack dog" theme going on here huh? Fuck you dude. (There's also "bite the hand that feeds you" as an expression... which is interesting too, because Chapel clearly feels Wolfwood should feel honoured by his teachings... but his was never the hand that fed. Chapel tore this child down.)
NO FUCK OFF THIS IS WHAT HE WAS MOST AFRAID OF. And I hate this so much more because this means that Chapel actually knows Wolfwood's fears quite well... but ASSHOLE WHOSE FAULT IS THIS?
Yes!!! They love you! Get loved, idiot!!!!! You never had to do everything alone... :')
*ugly sobbing*
I still think Wolfwood tried to do this alone out of a sense of personal accountability and not wanting to burden Vash with his own problems - while he thinks they could've done this as a team here, I think he's still only thinking in "I failed" rather than realizing that helping would've been far from a burden. If that makes any sense. I still think Wolfwood devalues how much he matters to the people he cares about.
Here he is! Using his Plant powers without hesitation again to intervene and help Wolfwood. I can't believe the way they allow each other to become less afraid.
"I made a friend." Yes! You! Did!!! I reiterate! GET LOVED.
Aaaaaaand Wolfwood still can't quite wrap his head around the idea that his personal struggles might actually be incredibly important to Vash. See, I don't think it's that Wolfwood thinks Vash doesn't care about him - far from it, I think he definitely knows that - the heartbreaking part is the way he never seems to think he is anyone's priority. (And he really has become a priority to Vash hasn't he? He's postponing the confrontation with Knives to help him. :O) Also the way "I can't believe it." is overlayed on the panel with the church bell and the "angel" wing. Ha. Nice. Nice. This is fine.
I'm sorry but this made me laugh so hard. Imagine some angel looking guy appears out of nowhere and blocks all your bullets. Like. Yeah. That would be the response hdjfhbsdjfvh (Also I think this is a fantastic reaction image pfft)
"That overdose will make your heart rupture!" ...no...
Did he just throw Chapel? Is he dead???
AUGH I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE SUNGLASSES. He's trying to hide his eyes again (just like he does earlier in the series when he's about to shoot with lethal intent/is trying to hide his feelings) because he thinks they reveal him as a monster or irredeemable - they do not. They never have. But Vash... apparently either hearing his thoughts or just knowing him well enough to know what he needs and responding to that instantly... :'(
...I wonder... is this the first time Razlo has registered a death as cruel? Chapel died instantly; that's not really all that cruel... the cruel part is that Razlo is experiencing personal loss.
NOOOO WE'RE GETTING A FLASHBACK TO THEIR FIRST MEETING WITH VASH'S THOUGHTS AND THE FUCKING BIRD??? THE BIRD REALLY IS MEANT TO BE VASH AND HIS IDEALS, ISN'T IT? AUGH
AW YEAH THEY'RE TAG-TEAMING BABY!!! Everything is different when they are back to back :)
Ahdjfhvbd and now they're saying the exact same things at the same time. Soulmate behaviour fr
I missed them being silly together so much... it's amazing too, because in spite of the situation, they both seem so much less tense than earlier. Still though... "why are you here?" and he can't spit out an answer, even though it should be really obvious... like I think they both know but accepting/admitting that is another matter.
God this is such an "I missed you I'm so glad you're here" moment. Probably as close as Wolfwood is going to get to outright saying that
Hello? Wolfwood's loved ones in one panel right next to Vash's loved ones in the other? Vash repeating Wolfwood's arguments of "realism" and "have to get back to the kids"? Wolfwood, you're scaring him...
I'm fascinated that the "he had become very close to me" part is overlayed with the scene where Wolfwood tries to get Vash to shoot. The whole "if I pull that out of you"... then combined with "What is important? What are we willing to do to protect it?" ...Livio and Vash are important to Wolfwood, so he is trying hard not to kill. Has Wolfwood become so important to Vash that... he might?
YOU CAN SEE HIS EYES THROUGH THE SUNGLASSES AHHHH
NO. NO. NO. HE WANTS TO LIVE PAST KNIVES. HE WANTS A FUTURE. HE WANTS A FUTURE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE STORY. HE WANTS WOLFWOOD THERE WITH HIM. ALSO I JUST NOTICED HE TOSSED HIS FUCKING GUN ASIDE TO CATCH HIM. He doesn't want this kind of life for them... he wants peace for them both... he wants them to stick together, even when there are no more battles to fight... he wants to live for Wolfwood. He wants to live with Wolfwood. Oh my god. No. No.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
STOP. WHY WOULD YOU FOCUS ON THE HAND. IT'S DIGGING INTO HIS BACK. He can't hold him... he can't...
Hey uh. Does it mean something that Vash didn't even react or feel the knives (the knives) in his shoulder because the pain of this hurts so much worse right now? (Also did I need to cause myself emotional damage by writing that out?)
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Oh damn I think he is mad enough to kill. Holy shit.
In other news. I hate everything.
The sunglasses blown off his face again. When Razlo threatens Vash. Fuck off.
This fight scene is awesome and I love how brutal yet clever of a fighter Wolfwood is. ...I wish I could enjoy it more. Alas. I feel only pain.
I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN. I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN. RAZLO'S LINE AND THEN THIS. WHY WHY WHY
:O (reminds me of the Diablo chapter...)
Ok first off how the hell was Chapel still alive. Secondly, AHEOHJBFSHUCBSJVHSBJHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Livio :') (I feel pretty bad for Razlo though all things considered... I hope he's not gone for good? That'd be weird I think...)
Wolfwood, after all this shit, just laying on the ground: "yeah seems like a good time for a cigarette"
AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHHHHHHHHHH
HNNNNGGGHDFBSUHCBUHSB... HHHHH A BAPY
wait. how could it have only been six years. what.
NOOOOOOO GOD THIS IS JUST LIKE VASH THINKING MERYL WAS SCARED OF HIM ALL OVER AGAIN. SWEETIE NO I AM POSITIVE THAT KID ONLY SCREAMED BECAUSE OF THE BLOOD. THEY LOVE YOUUUUU
...oof. I think Livio's hiding too. :(
GHHHHHHHHHHH THE COINS
Hjfshvbdfjhbv Livio comic relief. I'm so sorry buddy but I needed that. Hope you're ok...?
...so this is the scene the "infamous couch" is from. Okay. Okay. I get it now. Ow.
...I'm actually fighting back tears right now. I. I don't usually cry at stuff like this. I don't know if I can do this man.
He wants him to smile even if it's not a real one. He just wants to know he'll be ok. But Vash can't smile. He can't handle this kind of genuine talk. It'll make it all real. He's actually praying. Praying for just this one person. He's. He's never done that before, has he...?
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
ugh yeah no i'm crying. i'm tearing up. oww...
Oh, well, so is Wolfwood. Ugh. Ow. Ow.
...I saw the bell and had to stop and take a break. I don't want to turn the page. I don't want this. I'll come back tomorrow. Bye.
--
Hhhhh... What if you died knowing you were loved and you didn't realize how much until the end. What if you died realizing you always could've come home; that you would always be recognized for who you are, not what you'd been cruelly forced to become. What if you died seeing a possible future with the ones you loved but never being able to obtain it. Because it is far, far too late for that. The gratitude, the relief, the anguish that it all ends just as you realize what you could've had, and you cry out. But you still died knowing you were loved. And that's far more than you ever imagined for yourself.
I like to think he was smiling at the end because... it finally sank in.
And the bottle is labelled Bride??? What does that mean??? (Oh wait now I want to go back and look at the other alcohol bottles in the series to see if there's anything interesting on them) But uh, yeah, is this a religious thing, because I'm... why Bride. Why "The Bride". Huh?
^Hey this is really effective. Also, fuck off.
^Nightow sensei WHAT THE HELL MAN. Was this necessary?
Yeah I saw the first page of chapter 8 and my entire stomach just lurched. I think we should all receive compensation for emotional damage here. The bird... but it's not the black kite (Vash)... what kind of bird is that, I wonder?
Ah... Vash buried him. Alone. Hm. Yes, feeling normal about this. (Also Livio woke up inside the house which means... he must've moved him there too...)
"What do you mean "why"? You of all people should know why." <-oh. ow. yikes...
Oh... oh. His hair. :(
And it's so... he protected the area from the Ark. Ok he's protecting the place Wolfwood died to protect. Par for the course for Vash really. Except... hasn't everyone here evacuated already? He's protecting the place itself. ...also idk if this is right or not, but given the way the black hair is expending his own lifeforce it's... kind of hard not to see this a little as him expending the time he was planning on sharing with Wolfwood... and also that his hair went black... like the colour of mourning. ...with the "Bride" thing too it's... no. I shan't say it. I hate it here.
Hhhhhh... they both associate him with food...
Well. This has wrecked me. Thank you guys. I don't think I can analyze anything this week I'm too sad.
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I was reading some of your posts (and those of others saying similar things) about being harassed over opinions about a silly little characters in a silly little show and although I'm not one of those people, I'm so so sorry that keeps happening to you! It sounds truly terrifying and people need to really chill out because none of this is serious and NOTHING ever warrants harassment or inducing medical/mental health issues in others.
I do hope you keep posting your opinions anyway because even if I don't agree with 100% of it 100% of the time, I like seeing different perspectives and yours in particular make me think more deeply about things (and/or they're entertaining).
(You don't have to publish this or anything but I just wanted you to know that for however many hateful anons you might get, I am SURE there are plenty more who can and do engage respectfully. So please keep doing what you do!)
thank you so much. this is a really sweet message and i appreciate it so much.
and yeah! i don't mind seeing opinions i disagree with. i "argue" with my friends over the show all the time. there are just so many people in this fandom who don't seem capable of saying, "i don't agree with that" and then moving on (or even just making their own posts about the subject on their own blog which would also be a perfectly reasonable and respectful thing to do). they purposefully pick fights and then go all shocked pikachu when the response is met in kind.
and their behavior ranges anywhere from reblogging posts with annoying tags to actual criminal activity. and regardless of what they've done or how i respond, i'm always the one that gets called a bully??? it's laughable.
but sorry for ranting at you about that. that's not your fault. you're very lovely and this message was very lovely and i'm giving you a metaphorical smooch on the cheek. i hope that whenever the next day starts for you, it is a magnificent one from start to finish <3
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next // previous
august 17, 2021
1:30 a.m.
paradise hotel
[grant] it drove päivi insane and i just try to be considerate. like i've been dealing with this for years, but i'm very well aware it's not pleasant that i wake up sometimes because i'm pain and that when i do, i get up out of bed for a bit so i don't end up so stiff that i can't stand up at all in the morning.
[henry] shit, i didn't think about that. i'm sorry.
[grant] why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong.
[henry] i don't know. because i feel great 24/7 and i'm privileged enough to forget that others don't?
[grant] well, that's not really your fault. it's not like i'm good at acknowledging being chronically ill in any overly serious way. honestly, it's just easier when people forget anyway!
[grant] talking about it is never not a little bit awkward.
[henry] yeah, i wasn't aware it was bad enough to interrupt your sleep.
[henry] i knew it was bad, you know? bad enough some doctor finally cared to figure out the mystery suffering and that it need surgical intervention, and i remember the exact day something first changed in you when we were kids, but that's about the end of my awareness.
[henry] man, you are also a chronic hider of information.
[grant] that's me! your hopefully favorite secret-keeper.
[grant] i don't mean to, like, keep you in the dark about this. it's not personal. especially not these days. i'm trying my best to be open. it's just...it's just awkward.
[grant] i've had enough bad responses to being sick in my lifetime that i just feel inclined to never mention it, you know?
[grant] have you tried yoga? have you tried CBD and essential oils? but you're young and look fine, you can't be sick, you're making this up! have you tried religion and cutting out all the ingredients like gluten and sugar that make food actually fun to consume? no, no, those things are poisoning you - haven't you read that gut health is the #1 cause of autoimmune disease? it's definitely not chronic stress plus your long family history of busted immune systems! check out this carnivore diet website, you totally won't get fatal heart disease from all that red meat and butter instead, bud!
[grant] or i get pity. or assumptions of what i can or cannot do.
[grant] you want to bash your head against the wall after a while. no one really gets it but they think they do.
[grant] not that you've ever done those things! or that i think you would! or that i think you don't get it! sorry, that was a lot. it just came out all at once. i think i have some insane pent up rage about this whole thing. but no, really, you're the same as my family; they don't respond badly either. i just, well, you know. again, forgetting unless it's relevant is probably preferable. i like it that way.
[grant] i don't want the awkwardness. or anyone to worry about me.
[henry] i wish you weren't afraid of telling me about all this.
[henry] you know everything about me. even the not very good parts. you're one of the only people i talk about having depression with and that's excruciating to bring up. people don't respond well to that either. maybe not with pity or assumptions but definitely obnoxious suggestions. sunshine and exercise do not fix me. lexapro and therapy sessions kind of.
[grant] and i'm glad you do! i do personally understand mental health issues, but even if i didn't, still, i'm glad you feel safe opening up to me about it. and i always want you to. and i'm always thinking about you and hoping you're doing well enough and if i can do anything–
[henry] oh, grant. you scramble my brains sometimes. that self-hating demon is still trapped inside you.
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 story#sims 4 storytelling#simblr#hlcn: everything the stars promised#I PROMISE THEY'RE NOT ARGUING THEY ARE REALLY JUST CHILLING AND WATCHING TV#but it kind of reads like an argument jfdksjfkds they just have very different styles of communicating#like that one line from another post 'grant selectively speaks his mind and henry rarely minces words'#holocene.docx#holocene.png#hlcn: grant#hlcn: henry
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Retribution Chapter 2
18+ for numerous reasons
Summary: You had DID for most of your life, over forty years, since you were two. It wasn't until after you were forty-three that you were finally able to heal it and become a singular. You're a hunter and have been with Dean for a very long time. Once you become singular, you have to face the horrors that your mental illness subjected on those you cared about, loved. Can you get past seeing yourself as worse than any monster you've ever hunted down?
Pairing is Dean Winchester x Reader/You
Warnings: Sexual Abuse (memories), Physical Abuse (memories), DID - Dissociation Identity Disorder (AKA MPD), Mental Health Issues, Alcoholism, Self-Deprecation, Thoughts of deserving to have it all done to "you".
Please, if you suffer from any mental illness, seek help. There are people out there who can help you get through it, no matter how alone you feel now or how hard it may seem.
A/N: This is going to be very dark, darker than anything I've written thus far. It will include many triggers - abuse both sexual and physical - in memories and what happens to the reader. I'm hoping it will have a happy ending but right now, I am not sure where this will go. This is your main warning before you begin reading.
A/N: Dreams and Memories are indented in italics. Thoughts are in italics only.
Word Count: 1687
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Chapter 2 - Too Many Thoughts
When you woke, it was still dark outside, and your entire body hurt as your head was throbbing. You barely managed to glance at the clock on the night table; after seven. This was probably the worst hangover you’d had, or at least, hoped you’d ever had. Just as you were attempting to sit up, your stomach churned, forcing you to run to the bathroom.
That’s what I get for not eating anything for two days and drinking an entire bottle of whiskey.
There was only what was left of the whiskey in your stomach. That came up, along with stomach acids, and before long, it was only dry heves. You were physically and mentally exhausted. You knew it was your fault for being where you were. You knew better.
With a groan, fighting against the pain in your body, you managed to at least rinse your mouth out before making it back out to the bed. Lying so that you were on your side, you grabbed your phone and dialed the local pizza place, ordering a meat-lovers. Your body needed some sort of nourishment, and this was better than nothing.
“I’m not mad. I just wish it would stop, Sweetheart,” Dean told you as the two of you cuddled in bed.
“I don’t remember any of it. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do to make it stop. I hate that those things are happening to you,” you told him, feeling guilty as you’d seen the new bruises on him.
Yeah, he was a hunter and got beat up a lot, but this was different. These bruises were from your other personalities, and you couldn’t stop them. Just seeing them made you want to disappear.
He sighed, pulling you closer to him, “I know I’ve asked before, but… Do you have any suggestions?”
You thought for a bit, contemplating something that had been on your mind for a while, “What if you forced it? Made whoever is doing this finish you?” You were quiet when you answered him, as you weren’t sure how he’d react to that.
Dean was probably the most kind-hearted man you’d ever met. Not only did he hunt monsters, keeping strangers safe, but he’d gone and fallen in love with you, of all people. Then, he’d stayed with you even after the abuse had started. You knew your suggestion was something he could never do, but you had no idea what else to suggest.
“I can’t do that. You know that,” he sighed sadly, “Every time I touch you when that stuff happens, you get violent.” He paused, wanting to lighten the mood, “You know, you’re quite strong in your sleep. There aren’t too many things that have hit me as hard as you have,” he chuckled lightly.
“Not funny,” you mumbled, still feeling bad. You saw it again, the switch, as you let the memory play out. You had wanted to be close to him intimately, but that wasn’t what happened.
“It is kinda funny,” he said playfully, letting his hand find its way to your hip, gripping slightly.
Before he could lean over to kiss you, you pulled away, “I can’t this morning. I’m sorry.”
You slipped out of bed and began dressing. This had become the norm, and the man still hadn’t cheated on you.
The knock on your motel room door pulled you from the memory. Forcing yourself up, you grabbed some cash out of your wallet and opened the door. The smell of the pizza wasn’t enticing at all, but you needed to eat. After paying, you sat down on the bed again, the pizza in front of you.
If it weren’t for the throbbing in your head, you would have turned on the TV to at least focus your thoughts on something other than the memories flooding your mind. You did manage to eat a couple of slices of pizza, though, even if it had taken you almost an hour to do so.
Even the vibration of your phone going off hurt your head, but this time, you picked it up and stared at it for a while.
I should at least let them know I’m alive, shouldn’t I? They shouldn’t worry if a monster is okay. A monster needs to be killed.
Your hands shook at that thought, but you felt oddly calm. Turning off your phone, you glanced at the second bottle of whiskey, debating drinking again. Luckily, you weren’t in the mood for a worse hangover the following day.
Putting the pizza box on the table, you drank some water, then crawled into bed and turned off the light. You hoped the nightmares wouldn’t come, but there was no guarantee anymore. Since becoming a singular, things just hit you out of the blue.
You were in that invisible bubble again, between the door and the bed. Your body was lying on the bed, alone.
Where’s Dean?
To the left of the bed was the desk, and that was where he sat, just watching your body sleeping in the bed the two of you shared. You put your hands on the invisible bubble, leaning a little closer.
The dream shifted, and now he was sleeping in the chair. Your heart went out to him, and you wanted to cry, almost as if you knew what was coming. Your body on the bed reached over, finding his side of the bed empty. So, they sat up, looking around before smiling when their eyes found him.
They got out of the bed, sauntering over to him. With how he was sitting, there was no way they were going to get his sweats off of him or even low enough to have sex with him. You wondered how this would play itself out.
They knelt in front of him, caressing his semi-hard cock through his sweats. Their movements were slow, skilled, and moved with a purpose. He shifted in his seat, making it easier for them. That also made it so that they could slip him loose of his sweats.
You could see the smile on their face, and you screamed at them to stop, pounding your fists on the invisible bubble. It didn’t make them stop, though. They leaned forward, slowly dragging their tongue along the underside of his cock, causing him to not only moan but also twitch in their hand.
They started at the tip, teasingly letting their lips slide down his cock, flicking their tongue along the underside. He moved slightly in his sleep but hadn’t touched them yet, so they kept going. They dropped the back of their tongue, opening their throat, then deep-throated him a couple of times before slowly lifting their mouth off of his cock. Their eyes had never left his face, always watching him.
With a smile on their lips, they straddled him, lining the head of his rock-hard cock with their entrance. You could hear them moan in delight as they descended on him completely. They ground their hips against his, holding onto the back of the chair behind him. They were careful, though, not rocking him too much, as they didn’t want to wake him. It wasn’t long before you could hear them cry out with their orgasm, but he’d come too. You weren’t sure how you knew; you just did.
He never woke up. Once they came down from their high, they slipped off of him, then licked him clean before cleaning up themselves and crawling back into the bed to sleep. The tears had been streaming down your cheeks, and you were on your knees, sobbing again.
When you did wake, you could feel the tears you’d been crying in your sleep. You curled up into a ball and sobbed. When you were awake, it was the memories of when your personalities had lashed out at them. When you were asleep, it was the memories of what they’d done to him while he slept.
It wasn’t fair. You were what was left now, and somehow, you had to deal not only with the memories of what they’d done but also find a way to pick up the pieces. Then, you got another idea.
I could call Cas, have him wipe their memories of me. They’d never remember what I’d done to them, how I treated them, the abuse I put them through. And they wouldn’t even know who I was. I never want to forget, though. That is my burden to bear. Would he do it, though?
At least you were sober enough to think a little clearer, even if you still felt slightly hungover from the night before. Your head was still throbbing, so you went and made some coffee, hoping it was the lack of caffeine that was giving you the migraine that didn’t seem to want to go away.
What if it was the other way around, and he wanted to make Cas take away my memories? Is that something that I’d be okay with? Is that fair to them, to him?
You were torn, and it only made your head hurt worse as your thoughts wouldn’t stop. Contemplating calling Cas was something you at least wanted to consider, even if it really wasn’t fair to anyone involved.
As you sat with your first cup of coffee, you thought again about contacting Crowley. He was the King of Hell, after all, and you had his number programmed into your phone. He’d helped the brothers with things in the past and you’d gotten his number out of Dean’s phone at one point in time.
Would I have to die in order to have those things done to me in hell? What would Crowley want as payment? How do I come back from this, from being a monster for so long?
Your thoughts were circular, ruminating on repeat. With all you’d cried within the last couple of days, you were a bit surprised when more slid down your cheeks. The pain in your heart and soul felt like more than you could even bear.
I’m a monster…
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Chapter 3 - Too Many Memories
Retribution Master List
Tag List: @jc-winchester @nancymcl
#supernatural#retribution#did system#SPN#spn fic#SPN FANDOM#spn fanfiction#spn fanfic#spnfandom#SPN AU#supernatural series#supernatural fanfiction#Supernatural fanfic#supernatural fic#supernatural fandom#supernatural oc#supernatural fanfic series#dean fanfiction#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fanfic#dean winchester fanfiction#dean x reader#dean x you#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x oc#dean x y/n#dean x female!reader#Dean Winchester x femaleOC#sam winchester fanfiction
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Your memory (König x reader)
Note: Oh, boy. I was talking to someone about my mental health issues today and it gave me an idea. I'm sorry. I'm so so fucking sorry.
Warnings: suicide, depression, afab!reader, the reader has a good relationship with their parents and isn't from Austria.
It all began when you were still stupid kids, back when despite his height and strength his social anxiety made his life a living hell. His parents took him to a therapist to get help, so every week he went there after school to talk about his issues.
One day he got there earlier than usual–he needed a safe place to stay after two of the bullies from his class saw him nearby and started berating him in public–and there you were in the waiting room, reading a book quietly in a corner with one of your earbuds in.
You were pretty, he could see that, and at the time he was just another hormone-driven teenage boy whose brain was invaded by dirty thoughts at your sight. Your skirt was a little too short, your shirt drew attention to your breasts, and the shiny lip gloss made him wonder what it tasted like.
Then they called you in, strangely enough speaking to you in English, which made him wonder if you were a foreigner.
The next week he decided to arrive sooner again, hoping he could see you. You were there, but he didn't talk to you. He didn't have the courage to do so.
This went on for another two weeks, with him silently watching you, right until one day you pulled out the earbud from your ear and gave him a questioning look. When he turned his gaze somewhere else, you stood up and sat on a chair next to him. You asked him if he spoke English to which he only replied with a nod.
In the following weeks he learned a lot about you. Your father was an expat, you were suffering from depression, you liked to read, you loved music–it always helped you calm down–you had a surprisingly good relationship with your parents despite being a teenager, and you were missing your old home.
You were the one who dared to ask him out. At first he didn't even know what to say, but then he agreed with a smile.
You were his first serious girlfriend. After two years your dad had to move again, and he joined the military, but you kept in touch despite the distance and obstacles. Your messages always made him smile, gave him strength, and he liked to think about how your life would change once you returned for college.
But you never did.
One day, after a very long and very tiring day, he gave you a call, knowing well enough that you were a few hours behind so you would probably answer. Someone answered, but it wasn't you. It was your father. He could immediately hear it, the sadness in his voice that he could only understand when he somehow managed to tell him that you had committed suicide the night before.
He muttered a few words on autopilot, the words leaving his mouth without thinking before he ended the call and sank on his bed. He couldn't believe it.
He didn't want to believe it.
He quickly checked his messages, thinking he would find something, anything that would have given away what you were planning to do, that maybe it was his fault, that maybe he wasn't paying enough attention to you.
But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
To this day, he often wonders what he did wrong. Was it even his fault? Was there anything he could have done to prevent this? Why did you do this? You didn't leave a letter behind.
These days he usually thinks of you because of a song that plays on a random playlist, a book he sees in a bookstore, or when he sees someone who looks a lot like you, giving him hope that maybe you just returned to him.
It's never you.
And it will never be you again.
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the perfect pair {onceler x reader}
.7 | 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 |
warning; s3lf harm, self-hatred, depression, mental health issues, etc, and A LOT OF ANGST!!
wattpad ver
song to play while reading if you’d like that i think matches this chapter
part before
next part
note; double upload <3 + ANGSTT
you were sitting on a worn-out bench in the back of the factory, dressed in the fancy attire that onceler had bought for you, the weight of disappointment and despair settled heavily upon your shoulders. your body was exhausted, drained from the constant stress of trying to change onceler's mind. he barely spoke to you anymore, too focused on his "business meetings." you wondered if he even loved you anymore. the sky above you was a dreary, sickly shade of purple-grey, a reflection of the polluted air that choked the once-beautiful truffula valley. you couldn't remember the last time you had seen a true, unblemished blue sky.
the factory loomed in behind you, a monstrous eyesore that blotted out the beauty of nature. you couldn't help but feel like a failure for not being able to persuade onceler to see reason. you had tried so hard, but it seemed like all your efforts were in vain.
as you sat there, your gaze drifted to the animals that had gathered a few feet away. they looked so hungry, so desperate. their eyes, once filled with life and curiosity, now mirrored the emptiness you felt within. it broke your heart to see them suffering because of your onceler's greed. you wished you could do something, anything, to help them, but you were powerless.
your body curled inward, seeking solace and shelter within the sanctuary of your own embrace. the weight of your thoughts threatened to crush you as you trembled with a mix of sorrow, frustration, and self-loathing. the tears that streamed down your face were not just born of sadness, but also of an unyielding determination to fight for what was right, even if it meant facing the consequences of your own powerlessness.
a wave of self-hatred washed over you, the same thoughts that had plagued you for months. you hated yourself for not being able to make a difference, for not being strong enough to stand up to onceler. without even realizing it, you started scratching at your face, trying to relieve the tension that had built up inside you.
as you scratched away at your face, a familiar voice reached your ears, causing you to look up. the blurriness in your vision gradually cleared, revealing the comforting presence of the lorax standing before you. his vibrant orange figure contrasted against the desolate backdrop. with a gentle frown, he spoke, "don't do that."
you sniffled, feeling a mix of relief and guilt flood over you. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry," you whispered, continuing to wipe away the remnants of your tears. the lorax moved closer, his concerned eyes meeting yours. "don't be," he reassured you, his voice filled with understanding. "it's not ch' fault. don't feel guilty about somethin' ya didn't do."
as he observed your tired eyes, the bags beneath them, and your fragile frame, he couldn't help but sigh. "when was the last time you took care of yourself?" he asked, genuine concern etched across his face.
you sniffled once again, shrugging in response. the lorax's expression softened, his voice filled with compassion. "you've got all the food you need in there, don't ya? go get somethin' to eat." his words sparked an idea in your weary mind, and your eyes brightened with newfound enthusiasm. "oh my god!" you exclaimed, a glimmer of hope returning to your voice.
without hesitation, you rose from the bench and gently lifted the lorax, placing him upon your shoulders. "we have so much food in the kitchen! i can just give it to the animals!" you exclaimed, a sense of purpose infusing your every word. the lorax beamed at the thought, appreciating your kind-hearted nature. "that's a great idea, but... how am i supposed t' get inside?" he questioned, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.
a mischievous chuckle escaped your lips as you unveiled your plan. "don't worry," you reassured him, your voice filled with excitement. with a flourish, you flapped your oversized fur jacket, its ample folds creating a hiding place. "this thing is huge. surely you can just hide in it." intrigued, the lorax gave it a try, and to his surprise, it worked like a charm. "okay, great. let's get our friends some food," you declared, determination gleaming in your eyes.
with the lorax concealed within your jacket, you set off towards the factory, a renewed sense of purpose guiding your every step. the flickering hope within your heart began to grow brighter, fueled by the belief that even in the darkest times, small acts of kindness could make a difference.
you stepped into the familiar warmth of the kitchen. the air was filled with the comforting aroma of freshly baked bread and simmering soups, bringing a touch of solace to your troubled spirit. determined to provide nourishment for the hungry animals outside, you swung the fridge door open wide, revealing an array of vibrant fruits, crisp vegetables, and tantalizing treats.
the lorax emerged from the shelter of your fur jacket, his eyes widening in delight at the sight of the bountiful offerings before him. his orange figure was almost not seeable as you carefully selected a generous portion of food for him, knowing it would bring relief to his famished friends. you handed him the nourishment with a warm smile, appreciating the opportunity to offer a small ray of hope amidst the darkness.
with a gentle hop, the lorax made his way to the open window. with a grateful nod, he leaped into the outside world, disappearing into the foliage with the food clutched in his hands.
as you turned back to the task at hand, a sudden clearing of the throat startled you. slowly, you pivoted on your heels, finding yourself face to face with onceler. the atmosphere seemed to hold its breath, the air thick with anticipation and unresolved tension. in that fleeting moment, time seemed to stand still, and the weight of the world rested upon your shoulders.
the atmosphere grew tense as onceler's anger radiated through his sunglasses. the soft orange/yellow glow of the kitchen lights cast dramatic shadows across his face, accentuating the furrowed lines of frustration etched on his forehead. the room seemed to shrink, enclosing you both in a bubble of charged emotions.
his voice was laced with a mix of betrayal and disappointment as he confronted you. "what the hell are you doing, y/n?" the words sliced through the air, carrying a weight that hung heavily in the silence. his arms crossed tightly, emphasizing his frustration and the distance between you.
with a nervous gulp, you attempted to play it off, your voice laced with a touch of innocence. "oh, onceler! i...just... i'm really hungry, you know?" your sheepish smile faltered slightly under his intense scrutiny, knowing deep down that your explanation fell short of convincing.
pushing his glasses up onto his head, he leaned closer, his tone growing sharper. "you think i'm dumb? i literally saw everything." disappointment crept into his voice, a crack in his once unwavering belief in you. the vulnerability in his eyes mirrored the hurt coursing through your own heart.
his accusatory words stung, echoing through the room like a bitter melody. "i told you not to fuckin' talk to him! this guy's tryna ruin my business, y/n!" his voice carried a mix of anger, frustration, and the fear of losing everything he had built.
the ambiance of the kitchen seemed to darken, shadows dancing around you both, mirroring the darkness within your relationship. the weight of his words settled on your shoulders, and the once warm and inviting room now felt cold and suffocating.
in the dimly lit kitchen, emotions swirled like a tempest, the air heavy with tension. the faint flicker of candlelight cast flickering shadows across the room, adding an air of melancholy to the scene. it was in this charged atmosphere that you found the strength to speak up, your voice trembling yet determined.
"onceler, you're acting like a kid!" the words pierced through the silence, hanging in the air like a challenge. the intensity in your voice mirrored the fire in your eyes as you refused to back down this time. your outstretched hand pointed accusingly toward the open window, where the devastation outside painted a bleak picture of the consequences of his actions. "look outside, it's disgusting! you did this," you proclaimed, your voice carrying a mix of frustration and despair. "look at the damage you've caused! do you feel no shame?"
the room seemed to hold its breath as your words echoed. onceler stood before you, his towering presence emphasized by the brim of his hat, his face a mask of defiance and indifference. was he really not bothered?
"look, just tell me what you want," he retorted, his voice laced with exasperation. "i know you want something 'cause you're trying way too hard! we have like... all the money in the world! you have everything! what more could you possibly want?" his words reverberated through the room.
in that moment, everything crystallized. tears welled in your eyes, threatening to spill over, as you mustered the courage to voice your deepest longing. "the boy i fell in love with!" you exclaimed, your voice carrying a mix of longing and heartbreak. the room fell into a heavy silence, as if holding its breath, as your words hung in the air.
his once fiery gaze softened, he was taken aback. his eyes widened, and you could see the shock and surprise written all over his face. it was as if your words had finally pierced through the shell he had built up around himself. his once fiery gaze softened, and his eyes widened with a mix of surprise and recognition. in that moment, it felt as if time stood still, allowing a glimmer of hope to flicker amidst the chaos that surrounded you both
with a pained expression, onceler took a hesitant step forward, closing the physical and emotional distance between you. his voice, laced with longing, emerged in a whisper. "y/n...i..." his words hung in the air, caught between the confession that begged to escape and the weight of his choices that held him captive.
but you knew, deep within your heart, that this moment of vulnerability was just a fleeting glimpse of the boy you fell in love with. the boy whose dreams were filled with creativity, compassion, and a genuine desire to protect the girl that was always around him. as much as you yearned for that version of him, you also knew that he was entangled in a web of ambition and misguided priorities.
a bittersweet ache settled within your chest, a mix of love, sadness, and determination. you couldn't bear to walk away, abandoning the person you held so dear. love had tethered you to him, and even amidst the ruins of his actions, you clung to the hope that redemption and change were still within his grasp.
you reached out, your hand trembling slightly, as if trying to bridge the gap between who he was and who he had become. your touch sat right on his chest.
but as the moments passed, you realized that his silence spoke volumes. the reality settled upon you, heavy and unyielding. he wasn't ready to let go of the path he had chosen, and you couldn't force him to change. so, with a mixture of sadness and acceptance, you gently withdrew your hand, letting the unspoken words hang between you.
#the onceler#greedler#the greedler#the lorax#reader insert#x reader#onceler x reader#greedler x reader#angst#fluff#mental health#tw s3lf harm#romance#onceler#reader x character#y/n#once-ler#mentally drained#mental health issues#tw sh
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hello!! i wasn't there for a long time. i hope you're doing good!! i saw that your request are open so can i request something. warning:you don't have to write it if you are uncomfortable with it!!! so iida x reader(f! or not specified) where reader have a bad relationship with (her) mom(my mommy issues acting up sorry). reader is kinda introverted and distanced from class(they both in 1A) but can be sarcastic so she can throw sarcastic states at her mom.(bonus if you add scene were they fighting over the phone/face to face and iida witnesses it. reader isn't most emotional one so i really want see how he will deal with it. some part of reader inspired by secret alliance so if you want you can read it but if you don't it's okay) again feel free to ignore this, I don't wish to make you uncomfortable
[ So, I started reading Secret Alliance and finished it, and I don't know whether to thank you or curse you out. I LOVED it. I have daddy issues so I can sympathize. This story is about 17 pages long, so I apologize for answering it a little late. But I hope you enjoy it, I put a twist on the mother. ]
You tensed up when Eijirou approached and took a step back out of instinct. Your hands curled by your sides, and you felt uncomfortable enough in social situations, let alone when people stood just a little too close to you.
Of course, you were conditioned this way due to your mother's insistence that you never trust anyone. So, you learned to keep your distance from others and keep to yourself. But deep down you knew this was wrong.
Since you were a child, you felt the need for adventure and freedom, but your mother denied you this. She claimed that her overprotective ways were for your own protection, but you couldn't keep a bird caged all its life.
You needed to feel the wind underneath your wings and see the world from a fantastic new point of view. That's why you had tried so hard when it came to choosing to enroll at Yuuei High and pushed yourself to pass the entrance exam.
This was your only chance at freedom, at being who you were for once in your life. Even if you didn't know how to make friends or even talk to others, you wanted to change yourself and your life for the better.
Although, you could hardly believe you were viewed as one of the "cool kids" at school. Not that you paid much mind to such things, considering high school labels only lasted so long. "Hehe, hey!" Eijirou greeted you with a smile.
"Mm..." you mumbled in response, waiting for him to say what he needed to so you could move on with your life. "Do you wanna join us, we're going to do some training exercises!" he exclaimed, gesturing to his group of friends which consisted of Katsuki, Kaminari, Hanta, and Ashido.
You knew he was only trying to be friendly, and you couldn't fault him for that. "No thanks," you said, "maybe next time," with that you turned and continued walking. You needed to get back to the first-year dormitory.
You latched onto your lip and pulled out your phone to check the time, your mother usually called you multiple times a day to make sure you were okay, and most would agree that you never wanted to miss a call from your mother.
This was especially true in your case because your mother tended to panic when you didn't answer and had the power to do as she desired to find you, which was scary. Although your conversations with her were usually mentally exhausting and because of this, you preferred to speak to her in private.
You panted softly after you had jogged up the few steps that led to the front of the dormitory and opened the door frantically. Kicking off your shoes, you scurried past Izuku, Ochaco, and Tenya who happened to be sitting on the couch in the living room.
"Hm?" Ochaco was the first to notice you, "Y/n!" she exclaimed, waving her hand but you either ignored her or didn't hear her calling you. Her smile dropped as you disappeared down the hallway and she turned to look at her friends.
"Hey," she said, curling her hands in her lap. "Do you think Y/n is lonely?" she asked, now tapping the tips of her index fingers together with her gaze turned to the side. Tenya and Izuku exchanged glances before she continued speaking.
"I mean, she doesn't seem to have any friends and she is kind of distant from others," she had noticed that for the longest time, even though everyone in Class A had made countless attempts to try and connect with you, nothing seemed to work.
Izuku frowned, "I g-guess that's true, but maybe she just n-needs time to…open up?" he suggested before looking at Tenya who pushed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose. "Perhaps she lacks the proper social skills needed to engage in conversation?" He suggested chopping one hand through the air.
"We do not know of her past nor her previous endeavors," he pointed out, although he assumed such information was obvious. "Then let's help her!" Ochaco declared, jumping up from the couch with her fist raised in the air triumphantly.
Tenya knit his eyebrows together while Izuku just looked scared as if interacting with you was some sort of death sentence. "Let's see…" Ochaco tapped her chin, looking between her friends. "Iida, go to Y/n's room and ask her to join us for movie night!" she demanded, stomping her foot against the floor.
Tenya raised one of his unusually shaped eyebrows and cleared his throat, "Pardon?" he replied, failing to understand why Ochaco chose him for this task. "You're the class president!" she replied, "she'll have to listen to you!" He found her reasoning to be illogical, but she did bring up a valid point.
He couldn't confidently call himself the class president or even a hero if he failed to make others feel that they were safe and belonged. "Perhaps you are correct!" he suddenly exclaimed with his hand furiously chopping through the air.
"Yeah, yeah!" Ochaco cheered him on as he continued. "I cannot allow any form of judgment to blind my duties as class president and as a future hero! I will gladly take it upon myself to perform this task accordingly!" he finished, admiring the way she clapped in response to his rather noble words.
"Go get'em Iida!" she yelled as he turned and began down the hallway intent on completing his newfound mission. He smiled as he approached your bedroom door and lifted his hand to knock. However, he paused when he heard something. It sounded like you were disagreeing with someone.
"I don't need you to tell me what to do!" you screamed into the phone with an angry scowl. You fisted your hand into your hair, it was so suffocating speaking to your mother. Part of you knew her overprotective nature and view on trust was because of her career.
But what happened to you after you were born wasn't your fault! Yet, she made you feel as if it was. Since you were little, she insisted you stay away from everyone, and that you couldn't trust anyone. This grew even worse after you told her you were going to enroll at Yuuei.
Every day leading up to the entrance exam, she went on and on about how being a hero was too dangerous and that it'd end your life, that you needed to stay with her because she was the only one that could protect you.
Your hand curled into a fist, and you clenched your jaw, grinding your teeth together. It was irritating that she was trying to keep you in a locked cage. "I told you already!" you suddenly snapped, "He only asked if I wanted to train with him and his friends, I said no!"
Your head was beginning to throb, was a stress headache coming? You were getting sick of hearing her go on and on about trust and insisting that you return home immediately. "Yeah, everything is fine! Goodbye!" you sighed before hanging up and taking a deep breath.
Maybe you could relax with a hot shower or something, yeah that sounded good. Another sigh escaped as you reached for the doorknob and stepped through only to find yourself face-to-face with Tenya. Your noses were almost touching and although you didn't exactly want to, you found your eyes locked with his.
You could feel his hot breath against your face and his musky scent, almost like a citrus fruit wrapped in an old library book filling your nostrils. It was comforting and would have put you at ease if not for the fact that your face was flushing and your heart accelerating.
Then, you suddenly jolted your arms out and pushed against his chest. He stumbled back, eyes wide with surprise and shock. Luckily, he was able to catch himself on the wall and snapped his head up to look at you although you hadn’t moved from your position.
You expected him to snap and ask what was wrong with you. But instead, he cleared his throat and reached up to adjust his tie, he had yet to change from school. He was more concerned than angry about the way you had reacted, what caused such a drastic response?
He wanted to walk over to you and directly ask if you were okay or needed assistance, but there was a certain tension in the air that prevented him from doing that. His stare caused a tinge of fear and your stomach twisted to the point where you felt nauseous.
'Breathe, breathe!' You screamed inside your head, but your body didn't want to respond. He opened his mouth to speak but ended up clearing his throat. He needed to remain calm and composed, "Apologies," he said, pressing a hand to his chest. "I did not mean to startle you, are you injured?" he asked, forcing his legs to stay put.
"I...I um," you pressed one hand to your face, letting out another frustrated sigh. Your skin was scolding hot, were you flushing that much, and why? You clenched your jaw, and hesitantly looked back at Tenya who appeared overly concerned, it must be killing him that you weren't responding.
Why did he ask if you were all right? It's not like he cared that much, right? The pressure of your teeth pressing together caused a soft ache to course through your mouth, and your hands curled into tight fists. You couldn't trust him...or at least that's what your mother said.
'Everyone is the same,' her words echoed in your head, 'Especially heroes and villains.' You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked Tenya in the eye, "I'm fine," you replied with your best poker face. "Now if you'll excuse me," you walked over to the door, ready to shut it.
But Tenya spoke up as soon as you grabbed the doorknob. "Pardon," he said with a raised finger, making you stop and glare at him. He noticed this, but given his own intimidating nature, he resumed speaking.
"Are you well? I am quite knowledgeable of the rules regarding eavesdropping, but I heard you conversing with someone, and I do not believe you were content," he explained. Part of you was angry he had eavesdropped but then again, you couldn't really blame him.
You were shouting after all. You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. "That was just my mother. She's a real winner..." you commented sarcastically causing Tenya to narrow his eyes, he knew that your relationship with your mother was not his concern nor his business to know.
But he raised one hand and began to, yet again, furiously chop it through the air. "Pardon, but I am most certain that your mother has cared for you since your birth, and to speak ill of a parent who has provided you with home and food is unjust!" he nobly stated.
You growled softly and stepped out into the hallway, jabbing him in the chest with your finger. "You don’t know anything," you replied trying to keep that calm and cool composure you were apparently known for. It was so easy for others to say you were the one who was being ungrateful.
But as far as you were concerned, it didn't matter what she had "provided" you with, she was ill-tempered and had ruined your life. Tenya looked horrified and pressed a hand over his chest, feeling his skin tingle from where you had repeatedly touched it.
When you realized what you had done, your expression dropped, and you pressed your hands over your mouth. "Mm..." acting quickly, you turned around and hoped he didn't see you had broken your composure. You took a deep breath and gave a soft, "Hm," before walking back to your door.
"Goodbye," you said, half-heartedly which made him frown. "I'm afraid I cannot leave until you have answered my question," you paused and looked at him from over your shoulder. "What?" you hissed in reply, who the hell did he think he was? He sensed your slight hostility, but he was not going to back down.
There was something about you. A certain sadness or frustration seemed to cause a tremendous burden on your shoulders, and he would not let it crush you. Even if you refused his help, he would continue to try and reach out to you, for that's what true heroes did.
"I insist that you accompany Midoriya, Uraraka, and myself in the activity of watching movies," you knitted your eyebrows together, slowly turning your body to face him. "Are you asking or demanding?" Or was he only asking to make fun of the fact you had no friends?
No, he wasn't like that. It wasn't in his nature. So then why...you clenched your jaw again, feeling your eyes slightly water over. 'Don't trust anyone' your mother's words echoed in the back of your mind and you almost wanted to grasp your head and scream for her to shut up.
But you couldn't, at least not in front of Tenya. 'Should I...' you looked into his eyes, wanting to see deceit. But instead, you saw honesty which caused a heavy feeling in your chest. "I..." you grasped your opposite arm and shyly glanced away.
It was amazing how quickly you could bounce between emotions, but despite everything your mother taught you, that feeling of wanting to change, of wanting to prove her wrong continued to burn furiously. You crossed your arms and glanced up.
“Guess it would pass the time,” you replied, turning your head to the side in hopes he couldn't see your now red-tinted cheeks. “Do you do this with everyone?” you questioned, "Why of course!" he replied, pointing his hand toward the ceiling.
He rapidly moved it as he continued to speak, “As class president, it's my duty to ensure that all students effectively communicate and connect with one another,” he explained, “and I do not wish to see you continue to avoid attempts at creating new friendships," his hand came to a sudden stop.
'Avoid attempts?' your eyes widened, so he noticed your behavior. No doubt others did as well, but they didn't directly address it as he had. "Oh..." you replied, glancing away from him. The tension in the air seemed to grow thicker, making you feel as if you were suffocating.
You needed to answer his question, but how? "Um…" you latched onto your bottom lip, nervously chewing it before replying. "I uh, yeah movie marathon sounds good." You wanted to smile, but you couldn’t fake emotions.
Not that you showed many to begin with, but regardless Tenya seemed overjoyed that you accepted his invitation. "Very well!" he suddenly exclaimed, straightening his posture. "Please follow me." You noticed how bubbly his voice sounded and wondered if he was actually that happy to be able to spend time with you.
"Okay..." you said, feeling a tinge of guilt. Was it because you were going against what your mother taught you to believe? You weren't sure, but you could feel your stomach twist the nearer you got to the living room, and almost felt nauseous when you saw Izuku and Ochaco.
"Y/n!" she called happily waving her hand. You stopped a foot or two from the couch, wondering if it was too late to turn back and run. No, you couldn't do that. Even if you couldn't trust them, what harm did watching movies with them do?
Still, you couldn't help but freeze up, how were you supposed to respond? You glanced at the floor, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood. "Huh?" Izuku was the first to notice this and hesitantly raised his hand.
"Uh Y/n," he shyly said, "a-are you alright?" His question caught Tenya's attention and he turned around. Biting your lip that hard couldn't be good and once again he felt the urge to address what was wrong. But he was yet again stopped, this time by your subtle nod.
"Mm..." his body felt tense, but he pushed any negative feelings aside. "Would you favor sitting on the couch with us?" he questioned, gesturing his hand to the piece of furniture. You shook your head, "I..." you hesitated when a dull ache coursed through your bottom lip.
Lapping your tongue over it, you felt the indentation from your teeth and tasted a slight iron-like flavor. "I can sit in the chair, thank you," with that, you quickly shuffled past the couch and plopped down into the said chair.
An awkward tension filled the air and continued to suffocate you even after the first movie started, and throughout the hours that passed you avoided any attempts at conversation, and even when you replied to a comment or question, you kept it brief and to the point.
When the marathon finally stopped, you got up and proceeded to walk toward the hallway. "Wait!" Ochaco shouted, leaning over Tenya to stretch her hand out to you. He looked bewildered and almost offended by her actions.
You stopped and looked over your shoulder at her. You said nothing in response, believing that she would take the hint you were done for the day. "Um..." she felt her cheeks flush and leaned back. "Do you...wanna hang out with us tomorrow?" she asked, and both Izuku and Tenya looked at her confused.
"Forgive me, did we have a scheduled activity planned for tomorrow?" he questioned only to receive Ochaco's glare in response. "Shh!" she said before leaning down to whisper, "This is our chance to find out more about her! Just go with it!" She turned to Izuku, "You too," she added before focusing her attention back on you.
"We were planning to go to the mall! Why don't you come along?" your eyes widened and once again your mother's words echoed inside your head. "I..." Tenya stood up from the couch and began to approach you.
You gasped softly and curled your hands up to your chest, taking a step back. He noticed your hesitancy and stopped in his tracks, "Apologies, I did not mean to frighten you," he said sincerely. Once again in the back of his mind, he felt the urge to want to know what caused you to react in such a way.
"But I believe it would be a wonderful opportunity for you to continue to expand your social skills if you were to accompany us on our scheduled trip to the mall," he knew that Ochaco had lied given the fact he would recall scheduling time to hang out with his friends.
"Um…" you glanced at the floor, did he really want you to go with him? With his friends? Tenya frowned, sensing your uncertainty. "Perhaps you can join us if you so desire," he suggested, causing your head to snap up.
"W-what?" you asked in disbelief. Although his expression said it all, and you felt your stomach twist into knots at the nobility that shined in his eyes. "Oh...right," you said, turning to walk down the hallway and back to your room.
"Iida, why did you say all that!?" Ochaco cried out with her hands balled into fists. He turned to her, raising his hand in the air. "If we wish to form a friendship with Y/n, then it cannot be forced," he concluded, chopping his hand through the air rapidly.
"She must come to us when she only chooses to and when we have established a proper bond of trust with her," he explained causing Ochaco to frown and tilt her head to the side. "I...I agree with Iida," Izuku suddenly spoke up and shyly turned away when she looked at him.
Curling his hands in his lap, he continued speaking. "If we want Y/n to t-trust us or anybody then we can't...we can't force it on her. We must show her how much she means to us and to the r-rest of our class," he explained, and Ochaco glanced to the side thinking over both of her friend's words.
Then she sighed and slumped her shoulders. "I guess you guys are right," she said, looking down the hallway. "Do you think she'll accept our invitation to the mall?" she asked, obviously worried. "Perhaps it's best if we do not overthink it," Tenya stated before pulling out his phone.
"It is now 10 minutes to curfew," he said, sliding the phone back into his pocket. "I believe it's best if we begin our bedtime routines now," Izuku and Ochaco looked at him with disbelief, but this was Tenya, and he was very strict about scheduling. "Fine," they replied in unison.
You took several deep breaths as you sat on your bed with your knees pulled up to your chest. The only light source in your room was your phone screen and you were mindlessly scrolling through the text messages your mother had sent you.
It was the same thing repeatedly, lines upon lines of messages telling you not to trust anyone and you felt your heart sink further and further into your chest before you locked your phone and slid it under your pillow.
A long sigh came before you allowed yourself to fall sideways and nuzzled your head into the pillow. 'What am I going to do tomorrow?' you thought, squeezing your eyes shut and praying that you could get sleep tonight.
The next morning, you woke up to find your phone missing and began frantically searching for it. You must have been making a bit of commotion because you heard knocking on your door and opened it to find Ochaco, Tsuyu, and Momo looking concerned.
"What's the matter, are you okay?" Ochaco was the first to speak up and you trembled in response, wondering if you should lie and leave well enough alone. But without your phone, you'd miss your mother's calls and that was just asking for trouble.
"I can't find my phone," you replied, looking away from them. "Where did you last put it?" Tsuyu questioned, peeking her head inside your room. "I..." you latched onto your lip and curled your hand into your hair. "I put it under my pillow before I went to sleep..." you said, pointing to your bed.
"But when I woke up, it wasn't there," you explained, feeling your stomach twist. How was that even possible? No one could have come into your room without you hearing them, right? "Maybe it fell under the bed?" Momo suggested before stepping into your room despite the fact she had not asked permission.
"Why don't we help you look?" she suggested, "I'm not sure-" they ignored you and began searching around your room which made you feel just a tad angry. An hour passed, and after a thorough search of your room, you concluded that your phone was nowhere to be found.
You groaned and sat on your bed with your face covered, trying to fight back the tears forming. Ochaco frowned and crouched down in front of you. "Hey," she said in a soft voice before reaching over to lay her hand on your knee.
You flinched, looking horrified that she had touched you. "Heh, um...sorry," she rubbed the side of her head, "maybe you'll find your phone later? In fact, maybe you can come to the mall with us today...you know to get your mind off your phone?" she suggested.
You narrowed your eyes, feeling a tingle of suspicion but what other option did you have? Maybe your mother wouldn't freak out if you missed a call or two? You weren't sure, but you knew you couldn't let her rule your life forever.
You sighed, "Fine," you said crossing your arms. Ochaco squealed and jumped to her feet. "Great!" she exclaimed, practically beaming. "I'll go tell Midoriya and Iida," with that, she ran out of your room. "Mm..." you glanced to the side and Momo and Tsuyu looked at each other.
"We'll see if anyone else knows where your phone is while you’re gone," she assured, and you sighed. "Thanks..." you muttered, not that you trusted her to tell you when and if your phone was found. "Why don't we leave so you can get ready? Ribbit," Tsuyu suggested, guiding Momo over to your door.
"I hope you have fun at the mall," Momo said before the two of them finally left. You fisted your hands into your hair. "I don't even have anything to wear!" you exclaimed, clearly panicking. But you didn't dress to impress so it didn't really matter what you wore.
You felt your stomach twist when, yet another person walked by and gave you a strange look. "Mm…" you crossed your arms, wondering why you had even agreed to come to the mall in the first place. It was ridiculous to think you had tried to fit in with Izuku, Tenya, and Ochaco.
"Hey, come on Y/n! We're going to try this new ice cream place!" you frowned, wondering how Ochaco appeared so happy all the time. Didn't she get tired of that? "I h-heard it's really...um really good!" Izuku exclaimed nervously, and your eyes drifted to Tenya, who was wearing a smile.
How is it that his facial expressions seemed more sincere than others? "Yes, I took the liberty to read all the present reviews and have determined what are the most preferred flavors," you felt your chest lighten for a moment.
"Mm..." maybe it was your lack of judgment now, but you decided to join them. Although the line was rather long and by the time you made it to the front there were very few flavors to choose from. "Well, at least we got something!" Ochaco said before resuming eating her ice cream cone.
"Mmhm," Izuku said before taking another lick of his. Tenya would take one lick and dab the corners of his mouth before continuing. Unlike them, you hadn't touched your ice cream cone because you suddenly felt your appetite vanish.
"Is there something wrong with your frozen dessert?" Tenya spoke up causing you to snap your head at him, strangely you felt your heart speed up when you looked at him and shook your head. "No, it's just-" a loud alarm echoed, and you nearly dropped your ice cream.
"What's going on?!" you shouted and then a voice blared over the alarm, instructing all citizens to evacuate the mall. "Huh, what?!" You looked at the ceiling as people began to walk past you which caused you to panic. You wanted to scramble to get away from them, but there was nowhere to go.
"Ah, help me!" you shouted, feeling several individuals bump into you and you stumbled as you got lost in the wave of people. You felt like you were being suffocated and your vision went blurry, where was Tenya or Ochaco or Izuku!?
You just needed someone familiar right now, someone you could maybe trust for the moment. That was okay to trust someone for one measly moment, right!? You took a dramatic inhale and began to push others out of the way.
Making your way through the crowd despite the angry comments you got in return. You stumbled forward when you finally broke free of the sea of people and caught yourself on a nearby directory. You pressed your hand to your chest, feeling how rapid your heart rate was.
'Breathe, breathe, just breathe!' you thought, hearing as the last of the crowd left. You then leaned your head against the directory, feeling the anxiety and panic slowly fade. But an after feeling of self-pity came. You closed your eyes and slowly turned around, looking at the floor.
"I lost my ice cream...I lost...any potential friends," you glanced to the side, recalling how you shouted for help when you were swept into the crowd. "I guess I really can't trust anyone," you muttered, feeling your eyes water over.
Your hands curled into the front of your shirt. 'Maybe Mom was right...' you thought before hearing an all too familiar voice scream, "There you are!" which caused you to lift your head. Your eyes widened at the sight before you.
A middle-aged woman with slicked-back blonde hair and cold lifeless turquoise eyes stood before you. She was wearing a black suit jacket, with a purple shirt underneath it and a matching purple skirt with a strange, almost pearl-looking necklace.
"M-Mo-" you were interrupted when someone landed beside her. He had large red wings and messy blond hair. He wore a yellow-tinted visor and a tan high-collar jacket lined with white fur. He also had yellow headphones draped around his neck and black gloves on his hands.
You also noticed he had square earrings which were almost as red as his wings. "Alright, the place is secure. Will that be all Madam President?" he asked, and your mother kept her eyes locked on you as she responded, "That will be all Hawks, resume your regular duties," she instructed, and he nodded in response.
"Can do," he said with a smile before turning to look at you. "Good luck kid, sorry about that alarm and all. But I can't go against orders," he said gesturing to your mother before spreading his wings and taking off, leaving a few feathers to flutter through the air before hitting the floor.
Your eyebrows knitted together, and you looked at your mother who continued to scowl. "Y-you made the alarm go off?" You questioned and felt your anxiety begin to rise as she walked over to you with her heels echoing through the now-empty mall.
"Just what did you think you were doing?" she asked, keeping her hands folded in front of her. A moment of silence came, and you opened your mouth, "W-well I..." she narrowed her eyes. "You didn't answer my calls," she said.
"I c-couldn't find my phone," you replied, your voice cracking slightly. "And just what happened to it?" she demanded, closing the distance between the two of you and making you feel suffocated again. "I...I don-" you yelped when she reached out and grabbed your wrist.
"You don't know?" she repeated before turning her head and sighing. "I knew it was a mistake to let you enroll at Yuuei," her words made your heart sink and you wanted to tell her she was wrong, but somehow your voice was frozen in your throat even as the grip on your wrist tightened.
She yanked you forward and leaned down to be face-to-face with you. "This world is full of people that will betray you! Has my career taught you nothing!?" she hissed out, and you opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out.
Yes, you knew of your mother's career. She was the head of the Hero Public Safety Commission, with a lot of burden on her shoulders. But beyond that, you weren't familiar with the inner workings of what she did. You were not aware that she allowed the heroes under her command to murder and kill in certain circumstances.
All you knew is that all your life, all you ever heard was to never trust anyone. "Come," she said before turning around and forcibly dragging you along. "W-wait!" you stuttered out, trying to pull away from her, but it was of no use.
"You are going to drop out of Yuuei and enroll at I-Island Academy," it felt as if your heart stopped beating when she spoke those words. "W-what!?" you exclaimed, trying to press your feet into the floor but to no avail. She didn't respond, and you clenched your jaw.
You had a feeling she only wanted to enroll you at I-Island because you couldn't escape, it was like a prison. She never listened to you and whenever you tried to do something on your own, she always found a way to ruin it. Then again, you hadn't exactly made any friends and it was highly unlikely that they'd miss you.
'What was I even thinking?' You frowned and once again focused your attention on the floor. 'None of them really tried to connect to me and even when they did it felt like fake sympathy,' the image of Tenya suddenly came to your mind, making you gasp.
Wait...that's right, he wasn't like that. The way he looked at you wasn't with pity or sympathy. He had your best intentions in mind and didn't force you to do anything, he gave you a choice. Surely, he wouldn't want you to leave or give up, right?
"Hold on!" you exclaimed, finally finding the strength to rip your arm away from her. She looked shocked, "Y/n!" she snapped, but you ignored her. "I..." you curled your hands into fists, "I don't want to enroll at another school," you paused, shifting your eyes back and forth.
What else could you say? Actually, what had you always wanted to tell her? "I want to stay here at Yuuei and m-make friends and-" you stumbled back when she growled. "Are you going against my orders?" she questioned with a snarl.
"I..." You felt your courage disappear and she must have sensed this because she reached out to grab you again. "Do you know everything I have done for you? The things I have done with the hero commission to keep you safe?! I only ask you to do one thing, do not trust anyone!" she snapped and dug her nails into your arm.
You winced and tried to pull away, feeling tears build in the corners of your eyes. "I've done everything you wanted! I never had a choice in the matter, but now I want...I want to have a choice. I want to stay here and learn to trust everyone, heroes, villains, it doesn't matter!" you snapped, and her eyes darkened.
"I've never given you a choice?" she repeated before leaning down to be face-to-face with you again. "I allowed you to make this choice all by yourself, and you choose to do foolish things like try to make friends," she hissed out.
"I do not know who those three you were hanging out with are, but I'll ensure you never see them again," she said, before continuing to drag you toward the nearest door. "No!" you screamed, trying to claw her hand. "I don't want to go!" you gasped when someone suddenly shouted your name.
Your mother came to a stop, and you turned your head. "Iida!" you said, ignoring the few tears that rolled down your cheeks. "And just what do you want?" your mother questioned, making that brief smile on your face fade.
He stepped closer and you noticed his eyebrows were slit and he wore an angry scowl. "My name is Tenya Iida, and I believe you are forcing this young lady to do something she does not wish to," he said boldly which made your mother's eyes widen.
"How dare you…" she replied before releasing your arm and stomping over to him. "You're one of the hero students poisoning my daughter's mind!" she declared, crossing her arms. He remained standing tall and kept his eyes locked with hers.
"I am afraid I do not know what you are speaking of. Your daughter is fully capable of making her own choices and as class president and her friend, I assure you that even if a mistake is made, I will be by her side to help her through it," he announced nobly, and you smiled yet again only to hear your mother chuckle in response.
"Foolish, all young heroes are foolish," she responded before shaking her head. "What if her choices end with her death or a grave injury? Would you be there to nurse her back to health, take care of her for the rest of her life like I would!?" she snapped, but Tenya remained unphased.
"Ma'am," he said, "I understand that as her mother, you only wish to protect her to the best of your ability. But when you are not present, I will ensure that she remains protected. Regardless of what consequences it brings," he replied causing your mother to scowl yet again.
You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling more hot tears run down your cheeks and hit the floor below. Did Tenya really care that much about you? No one had ever stood up to your mother before, and it was as if he were putting his life on the line for you.
She bared her teeth at him, "And what if you were assigned to kill her?! Would you protect her or fulfill your orders!?" your breathing came to a stop and your eyes widened, wondering if you had heard her correctly.
Tenya looked at her bewildered before clearing his throat. "A hero does not kill," he stated, although he understood the mindset. When a villain drives you to a certain point and you allow your emotions to cloud your judgment, then it is possible to commit such an atrocious act.
But as a hero, he intended to keep his heart noble and continue to do good as opposed to harm. Your mother chuckled, pressing a hand to her chest as her laughter grew louder and louder. A shiver ran down your spine at the sound of it, and you found yourself running past her and toward Tenya.
He looked confused, but he too was slightly unsettled by the way your mother was reacting. "A hero does not kill" she mockingly repeated, "You hero students are so ignorant!" she snapped. "She's the reason that heroes started killing!" she accused with a pointed finger in your direction.
"W-what?" you replied, stepping away from Tenya. "I advise you to avoid lying ma'am!" he replied, trying to block you from her view. "That's right since the day you were born and your father allowed a villain to kidnap you, to try and take you away from me," you looked at her confused, you never knew your father.
"That's when I ordered heroes to kill, not just villains but anyone who is an absolute danger!" She looked more demented by the second and you suddenly felt the realization hit you. "T-that means...D-Dad was..." you trembled, feeling utterly horrified.
What on Earth was wrong with her? You knew a little bit about the incident that happened when you were a baby, but you assumed everything was taken care of legally. You didn't know your mother had ordered your kidnapper and father to be killed.
"Now come Y/n, you see why I tell you not to trust anyone? Come home with me, and I'll keep you safe," she insisted holding out her arms, but you took a step back. "I advise you to leave," Tenya said, clearly irritated and ready to charge into action if necessary.
She paused and gave a subtle growl, "Move!" she snapped and lifted her hand. You didn't see what had happened, but you heard a slap echo followed by the sound of Tenya's glasses hitting the floor with such force his lenses broke.
You gasped and looked up, seeing that his head was turned, and a deep red hand mark imprinted his cheek. You trembled, feeling useless. What were you supposed to do or say? Your mother smiled and walked around Tenya and stood in front of you with her hand held out.
"Let's go, Y/n," she demanded, and you looked at her hand before taking a step back causing her eyes to narrow. "Y/n" she repeated sternly, but before you could respond, a loud bang sounded followed by a billow of smoke.
"Huh!?" before you could blink, Tenya scooped you into his arms and took off running. The doors to the mall flew open and the world became a blur as he shifted his gears to gain as much distance between you and your mother as possible.
Your stomach twisted, and you felt nauseous by the time Tenya stopped. He was panting, but surely that wasn't because he exhausted himself, right? When he put you down on your feet, you began to tremble, and it wasn't due to the bitter air around you.
Rather it was because of the scary interaction you had just experienced. You weren't sure what was going to happen, but all your thoughts vanished when you looked at Tenya and noticed that the red handprint on his face remained.
You frowned and reached up, gently cupping his face. You felt an immense amount of guilt fill your heart and this caused tears to begin to stream down your face. "D-does it hurt?" you asked as he glanced down at you.
"Please do not worry about me, I am quite glad I was able to act as a hero should and save you from any unwanted danger," he stated, though his cheek did hurt and more than likely would bruise. But that was a mere scratch in comparison to the injuries true heroes received in the line of duty.
You knitted your eyebrows together, looking at him confused. He ignored this and reached into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief which he used to gently dab your tears away. Your eyes widened, and your bottom lip trembled.
"W-why are you…" he paused, looking at you with concern. "Forgive me, am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked before you shook your head and hiccupped. Then in a broken stutter, you said, "W-why are you being…so nice to me…a-after everything I've done after everything m-my mother has done to you?"
That concerned look turned to one of confusion and he looked at you with his eyebrows slanted and his mouth slightly agape. "I'm afraid I do not understand," he replied, and honestly, what did you expect. "W-what just happened with…a-and the way I've been-" you sobbed and frantically wiped your eyes.
Tenya grasped your shoulders seconds later. "Please do not do that, it's liable to cause more irritation," he advised before once again wiping your eyes with his handkerchief. "I was merely acting as a hero should, as far as your mother is concerned, please accept my apologies," you looked at him confused.
"W-what do you mean?" He had nothing to apologize for. He frowned and took a step away from you. "I believe I had stated that it was unjust for you to speak about your mother in any ill manner, but I did not realize she treated you in such an unjust way, I apologize," he said, bowing in front of you.
Your eyes widened, and you gave an awkward chuckle. "Oh that, well..." you frowned and folded your hands in front of you. "It's okay, it's just...she's always been like that and..." you shook your head. "Enough about that," you said, trying to turn the spotlight on him once more.
"We need to get your face looked at," you insisted, stepping forward when he leaned back up. But he seemed intent on continuing your current conversation. "I am uncertain why your mother would act in such a manner, but it's clear she is the reason you act rather introverted and secluded," your frown deepened.
"Um well..." you tapped your index fingers together, unsure of what to say. Maybe he was right, but it was also your fault. "I let her have too much power over me..." you explained, slumping your shoulders with a sigh. "I'm so weak..." you whispered, feeling your chest grow heavy.
"I'm afraid I must disagree," he stated, catching you by surprise. "What?" you asked, looking back at him. "You are quite strong for displaying such caring nature despite having grown up in the negative environment your mother created," he stated as he took a step closer, tucking his handkerchief back into his pocket.
"Um..." you felt the urge to take a step back but forced yourself to remain where you were. No, you were going to trust him. Trust someone for once. "I know very few who would continue to care for others more than themselves when in your position," he said, glancing down.
He swallowed and held his hand out, "May I?" he asked, and your heart accelerated. Did he want to hold your hand and if so, why? You latched onto your bottom lip and, despite trembling, slowly raised your hand and gasped when he took hold of it.
Then he smiled at you, despite the small ache he felt radiating from his injured cheek. "I believe that makes you a true hero and I find your personality to be very attractive and attentive, I do not wish for you to believe otherwise," he stated, causing you to flush furiously.
"And to see you become so overwhelmed with emotion to the point where tears stain your face, I…I cannot help but want to be the cause that allows you to smile once more," he said, and once again that heavy feeling in your chest seemed to lighten.
You sniffled softly, giving him a brief smile that apparently seemed to mean the world to him, then you opened your mouth to speak only to be interrupted when Ochaco yelled, "Guys!" and caused both your heads to turn.
She had her hand held up, waving it like mad with Izuku trailing right behind her. "Oh heh," you pulled your hand away from Tenya's and folded both behind your back as your friends approached, could you call them friends?
"We were looking for you everywhere after the alarm went off, what happened?" she asked, pressing her hands to her chest. "Y-yeah, I mean I got a text from Iida saying he was s-still inside the mall even after the alarm w-went off, is everything okay?" Izuku asked, clearly worried.
Tenya turned to face them and ignored the way they flinched. "Iida what happened!?" Ochaco exclaimed when she noticed the red handprint on the side of his face. Izuku was just as surprised, and in addition to the mark on his friend's face, he noticed he was missing his glasses.
"D-do you need some help getting back to the...the d-dorm because your glasses..." he gestured to his face and watched as Tenya closed his eyes. "It's quite alright," he replied, "I am afraid I did have a small confrontation within the mall, but it is resolved for now," he said before turning to look at you.
Your smile had faded, and you were now wearing another frown. He stepped closer to you and laid his hand on your shoulder. "Y/n was involved in the confrontation as well," you jumped and looked at him bewildered, just what the hell was he trying to do?
"However, she acted with courage and fair judgment, even when I had received this trivial injury," he said, reaching up to run his fingers down his cheek. He could feel how his skin recoiled and throbbed dully with pain, but once again he reminded himself that this was nothing compared to the injuries some heroes receive.
"What, really?" Ochaco turned to look at you and her face was twisted with concern. "Are you okay?" she asked, "Are, are…you both okay?" Izuku corrected her. Tenya kept his gaze on you for a few more moments before turning to look back at them.
"Perhaps it would be best if we returned to the dormitory," he suggested and Izuku nodded. "Y-yeah, um...we should probably get some ice for your f-face, right?" As amusing as the question was, Tenya replied with a simple nod.
"Please go ahead of us, I believe Y/n would be more comfortable walking by my side," he suggested and ignored the look of surprise that came to his friend's faces. "Oh um, s-sure," Izuku replied before turning to Ochaco who nodded, and with that, the two of them took a head start.
"Hey," Ochaco said when she believed you and Tenya were a far enough distance away not to hear her, "What do you think actually happened between Y/n and Iida?" she asked in a whisper. Izuku clasped his chin in thought, "I'm not sure..." he replied, before glancing over his shoulder.
You and Tenya seemed awfully close now, and the way you were holding his arm indicated that something frightening had happened. You never previously allowed anyone near you, which meant maybe..."Did Iida help find her phone?" he suggested, only to hear Ochaco laugh.
"No, that couldn't be," she said, shaking her head. Izuku raised his eyebrow, "W-what do you mean?" he asked, clearly not understanding the situation. She smiled and reached into her pocket, flashing your phone at him.
"You took…h-her phone?" he asked, slightly panicked. Ochaco nodded, "Mmhm!" she replied. "B-but how did you-" she grinned and slipped your phone back into her pocket before holding up her hands to show her unusual fingertips.
"It's kind of easy to go undetected when you're lighter than air," she replied with a giggle. "I'll give her the phone later," she smiled and looked over her shoulder. "I'm glad they seem so close now," she said and Izuku nodded.
She continued to smile, even as she turned back to look ahead of her. "Now maybe Y/n will open up to more people, I knew Iida could be the one to break down her walls," she said cheerfully. "Yeah, Iida is amazing and I'm sure Y-Y/n is amazing too," Izuku said, and she nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, I can't wait to see what they do together," although you were unaware of the conversation taking place, you didn't miss the way both turned back to look at you and Tenya several times. Then again, could you blame them?
You and Tenya were probably a strange sight, but you didn't want to think about that. You didn't even want to think about your mother or what was to come. You just wanted to enjoy the moment, enjoy knowing that you could trust someone for the time being.
Regardless of what happened, you were grateful that Tenya had made you realize that despite your mother's opposing ways, you were strong no matter what and it was that strength that you could use as a weapon. Even if you ended up trusting someone you shouldn't, you could overcome the hurt.
"H-hey," you said, tightening your grip on his arm. "Hm, yes?" he replied, turning to look at you. "I just w-wanted to say thanks, for everything a-and um...if...if my mother gets her way and I h-have to go to another school I just w-wan-" Tenya came to a sudden stop.
"I would not allow that," he stated in a deep and authoritative voice. You wanted to believe his words; you really did. "But…" you glanced away, "s-she's the head of the Hero Public Safety Commission and-" you stopped speaking when he raised his hand in the air.
"I understand that your mother is in quite a powerful position, but a hero is as well and at times, if needed they will do whatever is within their power to help others even if they must break the rules and guidelines of society to do so," he explained, lightly chopping said hand through the air.
The corner of your mouth twitched, and a few seconds passed before you gave a half smile, it was noble of him to think that way. But you didn't peg him as someone capable of breaking rules. "I do not believe I can forgive her for what she has done to you," honestly, you weren't sure if you could forgive her either.
You gasped when he leaned down to your height causing you to flush and your heart to speed up again, especially when you looked into his deep red eyes. They were full of such determination and fury; it was rather intimidating.
"I will do what is within my power to keep you here," he promised, and once again you felt yourself becoming overwhelmed and your eyes watered over. "T-thank you," he frowned and reached into his pocket for his handkerchief, handing it to you.
"You are quite welcome, I am certain the rest of Class A feels the same," he assured, and you nodded while wiping your eyes with the soft cloth he had given you. "Perhaps after we have taken care of everything, we can relax and watch a movie?" he suggested causing you to chuckle.
"L-like a date?" you teased, and he leaned back, feeling his cheeks heat up. "I...I suppose that is one way to describe it," you snickered before smiling. "I'd like that..." you said, "Hey!" Ochaco shouted. "Hm?" you turned your head to see that she and Izuku had stopped.
"Are you guys coming?" she asked, waving her arm in the air. "Yes, of course," Tenya replied before he resumed walking, and you trailed right beside him with your heart fluttering in your chest. This was the change you were looking for and although it was scary, you would keep on smiling because you knew you were going to be fine.
#tenya x reader#tenya x you#tenya x y/n#iida x reader#iida x you#iida x y/n#bnha x reader#bnha x you#bnha x y/n#faulty writes: tenya iida#faulty writes: tenya iida: one shot
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Hey, I kind of wanted to rant about something that's been on my mind for ages. Sorry if your not doing asks, I didn't see anything saying you weren't. If your not, you can gladly ignore this. TW:Sewerslide :((
I feel like my mum and step-dad are embarrassed of me for who I am. Btw I am autistic. I do this really weird thing were I eat sandwiches and burgers, were I kind of, deconstruct it? So like,I eat the ingredients in order of what it's made in. I have tried eating it with all the ingredients,but I just feel like I'm going to be sick. They always have to remind me to eat it normally, and make me feel like I'm a burden. Technically, I am eating it normally, because it's going into my mouth, I'm chewing it, and it's going into my stomach 😂 and I just end up eating the burger when I get home, because I'm scared my stepdad is going to shout at me. Nearly every holiday we go on I always do something to get shouted at about. Mostly because of tone. Sometimes my brother does things that really annoy me, like stealing my things, like just now he's stolen my cat laser and is trying to blind me with it. My stepdad was mumbling, "Why isn't she smiling?" And earlier he was blatantly asking my mum why I was sulking when my brother called me dumb and was kicking me for no reason. I'm constantly afraid I'm going to ruin a day out with me feeling sad because of something. My stepdad in the past has made me develop body issues, saying I walked like a boy, I walk weird, my dancing and singing was horrible, and that I ate like a pig. And my mum does nothing. Once he shouted at me for something really fucking dumb and I tried commiting Sewerslide in the bathtub. I'm really sorry for being negative but I feel like I'm just boring my gf with how many rants I'm giving her 😂.
I hope you have a good day, Donnie :))
-Colin✨💻
Greetings, Colin.
You express a lot of the struggles other autistics, neurodivergent otherly disabled or mentally ill people go through on a daily basis. You have my compassion for that. It's not easy.
You are valid just the way you are.
Too me, nothing you do seems particularly weird - well, I am considered weird too (outside the fact that I'm a literal turtle mutant). I could tell you A MILLION things that I do that allistic people would consider weird, crazy or stupid.
Let me tell you something:
If people get upset by you being your natural self & tell you you ruined their day - then they are not worth your time. It's THEIR fault for not accepting you & your autistic traits.
I know by default that our autistic traits can be difficult to face (outsiders & ourselves). That's why autism's a disability.
Your uniqueness should be celebrated. That counts for everyone reading this.
It's really sad that your mum doesn't support you & what your stepfather did to you was unacceptable.
I am incredibly sorry that it made you so miserable.
My take:
Stop. Commenting. On. Other. People's. Behaviour. And. Appearance.
Yes, even though you're close to them.
Yes, even though you care about them.
Yes, even though you think it's weird.
Yes, even though it isn't considered normal in society's bullshit rules.
If it is NOT HARMING someone or themselves - YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMMENT.
AHEM.
I hope you have a pleasant existence.
P.S.: my asks are always open, I might not reply immediately - it can take a few days seeing I am still a busy ninja & a scientist & I also have a private life - but I will reply. If the message is not mean, hateful or anything nasty.
#donnie answers#donnie speaks#donnies exceptional mind#turtle net#autism#rottmnt autistic donnie#rise autistic donnie#autistic donatello#autistic donnie#self worth#comfort character#mental heath support#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt donatello
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i used to be in the loa community and it was miserable lol. i'd have phases of being so inspired and really feeling like things were going to change for the better, only for it to not happen. for a long time i held out, and any 'failures' i had i took it as an opportunity to improve and carry on. but then at some point i just began to spiral--it came out of nowhere--and i felt so, so hopeless. i think with every 'mistake' and failure i had, it built up without me fully realising it. i never told anyone, not online and of course not in real life, because acknowledging it would've been the final nail in the coffin for my 'journey' or whatever.
anyone who voiced their upset about not getting the results they wanted, they'd be told by some blogs that it was because they "weren't persisting enough", and that all they needed to do was continue. any mention of doubt or feeling bad was frowned upon. it sucked. because i sure as hell knew that i was putting my heart and soul into it. i like to view myself as someone who is steadfast, but a person can only handle so much until they crumble. to be fair, it wasn't completely loa's fault for my sudden decline in mental health, there were definitely different factors. but it probably wasn't that healthy for me regardless. burnouts happen ig
in defence of some of the blogs i've been on, there are definitely a few that don't have the regular toxic ideology that a lot of the other blogs do. not all of them take neville goddard's words and teaching as gospel, and some of them actually encourage getting help when you need it and to not rely on loa completely, and they reiterate that any awful things that happened to people wasn't their fault! but i will say that those more healthy loa blogs are more rare and hard to come by. coincidentally, they're also the least active. but i digress
but yeah. my main issue with loa was that after being in that community long enough, i just became stagnant. mostly due to the hope that things would sort them out themselves. i'd hold back on pursuing things and making plans because i wanted to do them AFTER i'd manifested everything. but clearly that didn't work out for me lol.
so uh yeah if you're in the community and reading this and you're not quite ready to let go of it yet, just don't let it hold you back. you think it isn't harmless until you just stop moving forward because of it. and please don't be afraid of reaching out for help.
sorry for the long ramble, hope you're doing well.
fuccccckkk if it were all true. manifesting a big ass psychic elephant would have been so metal !!
Thanks for sharing your story! And yeah, that's the thing about trying something over and over with no results - you might be able to repress the disappointment for awhile, but it will build up and eventually come out and hit you all at once. And it can hit hard.
You mention that you never posted about your failures, and I think that this is a far more common in the Law of Assumption community than many people realize. Neville Goddard's teachings and the community around them absolutely push people into self-censorship. We see people posting success stories (or, supposedly posting success stories), but we really have no idea of what's going on behind the scenes.
And it's a shame that the blogs taking a healthier approach to this aren't as common or active. But honestly, the fact that the toxic bloggers are spending all this time on this blue hellsite when they could, supposedly, manifest themselves doing literally anything else should tell people a lot about how well they're actually doing with the Law of Assumption and their approach to it.
Anyway, I'm glad you're doing better and I hope things keep going well for you!
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