#POV: you are a ghost who has truly fucked up
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Let's say, hypothetically, there was a demon behind you-
(Cryptid Sightings by @naffeclipse )
#*puts off daily prompts for this*#you don't know how long I was itching to draw this#naff naff naff i am obsessed#POV: you are a ghost who has truly fucked up#living up to the 'pencil' part of my name once again#pencil tool my beloved#actually thought of doing this for the Haunted prompt but I couldn't wait#my ârt#fnaf#fnaf daycare attendant#cryptid sightings#y/n#cryptid!sun#cryptid!moon#I like portraying the demon form as Eclipse ok I'm not immune to Eclipse#not in the mood for details so here you get ✨vague and spooky✨#gonna keep drawing stuff for 2-4 hours byeee#cryptid au
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Carraville Rec List !
See below, self-explanatory!! I'm sure I missed some bangers, so feel free to reblog and add more, or comment. I pulled all these straight off my AO3 bookmarks list. They are ALL COMPLETE, so I didn't add any WIPSs! Please note I separated "older/classic" recs from the amazing fountain of NEW works we've been blessed with in the past 3-4 months or so. Note: IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER!
Enjoy you little dancers!!
⚽️❤️ MY CLASSIC CARRAVILLE PICKS ❤️⚽️
Lockjaw by anonymous - Workplace blowjob fic that grows into a much deeper story. Sexy-with-feels MNF era Carraville. Amazing ‘show don’t tell’ characterization, top top dialogue. Gary hiding past trauma and Jamie finding out. A crime this is anonymous, I want to read more from this author!!
the ghosts of you and me by @blindbatalex - ahhhmazingly written, MNF-era Carraville. Uses ‘snowed in’ trope to delve greater depths of a break up; old wounds, things unspoken, beautiful writing and a really pulled-back tone that aches.
the ocean and the coast by @carraville - Valencia!Gary. Jamie POV. Jamie pining. Lovely poetic style. “I have a separate plate for you.” <3 <3 <3
In Your Boots by @thesecretdetectivecollection- funny, sweet, MNF-era. SO CUTE Gary jumping to conclusions and panicking over Jamie leaving. Lots of Jamie-scenery descriptions of pretty eyes and "absurd cheekbones" and "Jamie's reliable heart" <3
keep your silver, give me that gold by @blindbatalex - MNF-era Carraville. Jamie decides to box Rio Ferdinand. Gary has SERIOUS RESERVATIONS about his beefy colleague (just colleague, no feelings, cough cough) putting himself in harms way for a stupid charity wager. Thing come to a head in a good way. Lots of verbal eye candy Carra. <3
Loss / loss / win by milleseptcent guuuuh the SCALE! The FEELS! Soulmates Carraville. Takes place from playing days to MNF-era. Gary and Carra, both without soul marks, fuck around in a casual relationship... for about twenty years. The ending is SO SWEET!
Anything That Isn’t This by @kloppend the sleeping death apocalypse fic, read if you want to ruin yourself for two or three days but ALSO the beauty of the writing is 100% worth the devastation, one of the finest written pieces in the fandom imho. HAUNTING, gorgeous, aching, amazing.
Play the Whistle by @zevons - Referee!AU Carraville!! What more do you need to know?! Gary and Jamie’s football dreams never came true, so they do the next best thing. Lovely Jamie&Stevie friendship. Enemies to lovers. So much snippy banter before they realize they are actually besties who want to smootch. FEEL GOOD but with tons of depth as well.
amunt by @carraville short, punchy, poetic = classic redandgold! Valencia!Gary, pining!Jamie. Also incredible that this was written only two weeks into Gary’s appointment, BEFORE the Barcelona loss, before things unravelled, so it’s an amazing time-capsule into the fandom in late 2015 (when they didn’t know if Gary would ever come back!)
Through fresh eyes by @aramblingjay - Jamie comes to MNF. Gary deals. Truly top-notch writing, amazing language, deft characterization. It never overindulges while remaining poignant throughout. Can be read as pre-Carraville or platonic-soulmates type friendship. It’s tagged as incomplete but it is finished. Essential reading, a classic!
Advantages of Playing Away by @zevons MNF-era testimonial blowjob in Old Trafford dressing room Carraville!! Sooo sweet, soooo hot, dialogue is sharp and funny. Just perfect <3
Remedial Exercises in Teamwork by @zevons - more saltstreets!!! HOGWARTS AU, both of them are Gryffindor beaters (so in character for them), both obsessed with quidditch. Background!gerlonso. Implied Professor Pep/Mou !!! Detention!flirting!! I mean!!! Sir Alex the owl!!! Checks all the boxes, nostalgic, sweet, enemies to boyfriends. <3
⚽️❤️RECENT AMAZING 2023/2024 CARRAVILLE WE ARE BLESSED WITH ❤️⚽️
Tasting Syrup on My Tongue by @heyyjulien - PLAYERS ERA!!! Jamie and Gary have a casual relationship that gets put to the test after Jamie’s injured in a derby game. Great banter-to-feels ratio, you will want to put Julien’s sweet Jamie in your pocket and give their Gary a big hug. Great romantic closing scene where they negotiate the implications of Jamie’s injury scare. Also SCHOLESY!! <3
It’s just not what’s done by @player1064 truly a Carraville writer that ‘burst onto the scene’ as fast and furious as Micah Richards! My fave of theirs. A truly hysterical premise on the surface that they plumb deep to turn up real emotion. I love the time-jump style. Wonderful David&Gary friendship, as well as all of the Co92 rallying around Gary. Covers all eras up until today, with a January 2024 Carraville in Courcheval scene!! <3
Package Deal (It’s Valentine’s Day, ye dimwit) by @kloppinthekop My fave of their “Holiday Husbands” series. So cute and sweet and the love scene is sooooo (SOOO) hot and poignant !! Jamie taking care of Gary in every way on Valentine’s Day. Domestic feels.
Love You More by @effervescentdragon outstanding emotional excavation, Jamie POV Carraville. Uses a slightly disorienting (in a good way) jump around style that isn’t time stamped, but if you know your Carraville, you get your footing in a sentence or two. It’s a bookended journey between ‘fuck you too’ (visceral hatred) to ‘fuck you too’ (affectionate).
Gary Neville is Still a Red, Just a Different Shade by @fanficburner - your ultimate ABO Carraville! This isn’t for the faint-of-heart, angst abounds, I would not call this a romance! But a great character piece. Gary gets unwillingly bonded with Jamie, while still in love with Beckham. The standout part of this fic is the world-building and social implications of what an ABO society might actually look like; separate Omega changing rooms, registration offices for Omega registration, the harsh realities of an owned class of people.
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On Harry Potter Syndrome
Whenever there's a milquetoast protagonist surrounded by infinitely more interesting side characters and is easily overshadowed by their actual sidekicks, I call that "Harry Potter Syndrome" and tbh I think it should catch on. Here's some examples.
Fandom(!) Danny is so much more interesting, and tbh, a kid growing up with ghost hunting parents shoulda turned out a lot weirder. Perfect example of Harry Potter Syndrome.
I love you Sora. I love you and your simple/ clean mind. I love how you tear through eldritch abominations with the power of both Love and also blunt force trauma. I also love how you objectively have the least amount of personal trauma and drama out of all of the playable characters in the games you started and I hope the lovecraftian terror of the circumstances surrounding your story never truly register as anything other than a fun adventure to your untainted, rarely used twink brain.
And yet everyone else in the series including the fucking mouse has enough backstory and angst to fill up an entire library with journals of badly written emo poetry or better yet thirteen games with the audacity of pretending to be a trilogy.
Yes, Kingdom Hearts suffers from Harry Potter syndrome, but it's also proof that that might not necessarily be a bad thing.
You guys, Madoka is so good. I swear it's a lot more than just an edgy Magical Girl show. It has amazing art that makes use of mixed media in a really creative way. It's also dark and surreal and surprisingly reminiscent of movies like Donnie Darko and Carrie. It's also incredibly gay.
And Madoka is likable enough, I guess. But also... if I had to nitpick anything about the show, it's that she's also kinda sorta boring? I mean, it is kinda funny seeing an adorable pink haired teenager earnestly talk about desiring "more power". But still.
A New Hope is probably the movie that inspired thousands of other cases of Harry Potter Syndrome, including Harry Potter himself, though I feel the need to point out how deliberate it is with it.
Luke is the Protagonist of the movie, unambiguosly. That's him front and center of the poster, and he's the guy who follows the hero's journey and ultimately comes out looking like the hero in all of this. But he's also not the sole viewpoint character of the film, and I think it's pretty telling that the first third of the movie takes place from the POV of a pair of gay married robots.
Depending on the scene, we take on the POV of either Luke, R2-D2, C3PO, Han Solo, Tarkin, or Princess Leia. Of these characters Luke undeniably fills in the role of milquetoast hero, but George Lucas understood the power of a good ensemble cast from the movie's inception.
And finally
Let's face it, this movie suffers so hard from Harry Potter syndrome, the marketing guys just said "fuck it" and put Johnny Depp on the poster instead.
#Harry Potter syndrome#harry potter#film critcism#film theory#language#Danny Phantom#Kingdom Hearts#puella magi madoka magica#Madoka#Star Wars#Alice in Wonderland#George Lucas#JK Rowling#Tim Burton#Johnny Depp#Editorial
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You're the Most Beautiful Boy
Yeah, the first time I finish a fanfic in my life (well, I don't even know if this counts as a fanfic anyway - a oneshot maybe??? - but anyway...) and, surprisingly, is about Caspeter!!!
Ngl, I'm quite happy with the final result.
Also, just to be clear, this is supposed to be read as Peter's POV (it's basically all about him being traumatized and emotionally fucked up and, because of that, thinking he's unworthy of love and Caspian just being there to prove him otherwise).
The fic's title is taken out from the song of same name by The Irrepressibles (this one and "Two Men in Love" are so fucking beautiful and have such strong Caspeter Vibes in a way I can't even express 🥹😍).
Anyway, good reading 🫶
P.S.: A friendly reminder that English isn't my first language, so pls give me a break.
(Inspired by this post )
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Reasons to not kiss him:
1. You weren't raised to love tender.
You are capable of love. You know how to be kind. You've doubted many things about yourself, but your unshakable devotion to those you love has never been one of them. But when you live in a world gripped by war, where you know that everything you hold dear can be ripped away from you at any moment in the blink of an eye; where blood, death, and the crying of ghosts from the past haunt your worst nightmares, you learn to hold on to the little lives around you.
You still remember almost doubling over in despair at the sight of your half-dead brother on the battlefield, blood dripping from his lips and his fragile breathing faltering; you remember seeing him come back to life and hold his small body in your shaking arms, hugging him to your chest as if your heartbeat depended on it. You still remember scolding him for his disobedience with your voice breaking, feeling the trails of tears burning your cheeks and blurring your vision because you almost lost him. You almost lost him.
You are the oldest brother. You are the High King. Protecting your family and your kingdom is your responsibility, your duty. To love is to protect what gives meaning to your existence, even if the price is your own life. This is how you love: you surrender completely to the uncertainty of fate, because the light that shines in your heart burns brighter than the fear pulsing through your veins.
You are capable of love. You know how to be kind. You never doubted that. It's the way you love that terrifies you on your most restless nights - intensely, fervently, always fighting and holding on so tight that your teeth grind and your knuckles turn white. Your love is like the Sun: welcoming, radiant. But, above all, consuming. And you're afraid that your love will scare him - someone who never knew love at all - as much as it scares you.
2. When he’s around all you do is tremble. When he’s around you want to get on your knees. Look how much power he has over you. It's dangerous.
There are a million reasons why you convince yourself that you truly hate him. You recite this list in your mind like a sacred mantra to never forget.
You hate the indignation in the prince's voice every time he insists on going against or disagreeing with your decisions. You hate the boy's immaturity in dealing with his own emotions. You hate his gall in pointing the sword at your throat while you blame him for the tragedy you both brought upon yourselves and your people. You hate him for wanting to steal your throne and crown - symbols whose weight you never asked to carry. You hate him because he is an insecure, confused, and angry boy who is constantly trying to prove himself fit and worthy to take on the title of king. You hate him because... he's exactly like you.
You also hate the way those dark eyes meet your blue ones, like night meets day, and penetrate the cracks of your invisible armor as if it were nothing but air. You hate the blush that takes over your face every time you quickly look to the side and notice the sparkle of fascination and idolatry in the prince's eyes, always admiring you from afar, in silence. You hate how, every day you spend by his side, your heart races at the sound of his voice, your body weakens at the touch of his hand, and the words formed in your mouth dissolve into the air like smoke. You can still feel the heat of fire on your tongue.
You hate him for the effect he has on you - and he doesn't even have a clue.
3. He's too good at forgiving and you're too good at violence.
You despise violence. You despise everything that is connected to the idea. But sometimes violence seems like the only thing you're really good at. It's a curse.
All books that narrate stories about the Golden Age of Narnia have always emphasized how skilled and unbeatable the High King was on the battlefield; how your war cry was powerful enough to make the mountains shake and the spirits of your soldiers rise to the heavens. But none of them made mention of the horrors that haunted you, even when you were already surrounded by the safety of the walls of your castle, your beloved home.
All those memories, so vivid in your dreams that they leave you thrashing in bed and waking up voiceless, your skin pale and cold with sweat and the tremors taking over every inch of your body. The screams of your men begging for help and suffering in pure agony. The dirt from your nails and the blood of your enemies that still runs hot and sticky down your fingers no matter how many times you wash your hands. No matter how many times you run away from war, it will always find you. You already know her and even greet her like an old friend. You already feel her presence - the famous shiver down your spine - before she even has a chance to knock on your door. She found a home in you. It's part of who you are.
His tanned skin, once smooth and delicate in the sunlight, already showed the first battle marks, small cuts on his beautiful face and calluses around his fingers. He was just beginning to understand the price of holding a life in his hands. You fear that this burden will be too heavy for him to carry and that, sooner or later, his shoulders will give in to the exhaustion caused by the pain of his actions. You learned to pick yourself up and rebuild yourself again, piece by piece. You learned to hide the pain with a smile. You always held on, not because you believed you were brave enough or strong enough, but because you believed it was the right thing to do. For your family. For your people. For your home.
“But what about him?” You ask yourself when you turn your back to the man on his knees beside you and face the young prince, giving him your sword, offering him the chance to kill the uncle who left him an orphan and who, years later, tried to destroy him and usurp his throne. You see the coldness in those brown eyes as they stare back at you, as well as the flicker of doubt that lies within, and you quickly look away when he takes the weapon.
"But what about him?" The question keeps echoing in your head, until it is silenced by the angry scream that escapes the prince's throat. In one agile movement, he throws the blade towards the ground and orders the defeated tyrant to leave with his life. You watch carefully the way the boy gets up and walks away from his uncle with slow, heavy steps, his chin raised and his eyes shining with unshed tears. The feeling of relief takes over your heart for a moment and, without even realizing it, your dry lips open into a simple line, similar to the shadow of a smile.
This is the moment you realize who the real man in front of you is. That's the king you're fighting for. Whatever challenges the future will bring him, he'll face them the same way he did today: with justice, dignity, mercy and, above all, kindness. He is good and forgiving and you love him for it. But you would never admit that out loud, least of all to yourself.
4. You know what they say about monsters. You know what happens to the boys who love them. Are you going to do that to him?
"You're not a monster" Your siblings whisper in your ears after another night in which you drag yourself out of nightmares, suffocated by your own crying and clenched fists, with your nails pressed so hard against your palms to the point of oozing blood. For a moment, you surrender to the sweet sound of the voices you love most in the world and allow them to caress you like feathers, calming the inner bitterness that torments you and does not allow you to rest.
Maybe you're not a monster, but you know well their wicked schemes and the treacherous way they act. You know them because you carry them with you every day. They are there, sinking teeth into your neck and claws into your wrists, making you spit and drown in your own blood. You still feel the craving caused by the bitter taste of bile that burns the roof of your mouth like acid. You still feel the shiver caused by the nauseating sensation of the demon's snake tongue hissing in your ear, exposing all your weaknesses and reminding you of all your crimes.
They want to break you and destroy the railings that imprison them. They want to crush your bones and make you suffer slowly and painfully until you have no choice but to bend to their will. They want you to set them free. But you refuse. You never give in.
You can scream to the void at the top of your lungs until your knees give in from exhaustion. You can punch a stone wall over and over again until your knuckles are black and throbbing. You can even lie on the floor in a huge ball of pain and anguish and pull at your blond hair as you try to get rid of the red-hot steel chains wrapped around your lungs that prevent you from breathing properly.
And that's why you do everything you can to push him away. The thought of your monsters tearing and corrupting his spirit from the inside out, forcing him to see the image of who you truly are, is too much for you to bear. You would never forgive yourself for seeing that light die and knowing that you were responsible for such horror.
No, you're not a monster. You carry them inside you and hear their angry and accusatory words every night, but you will never allow them to turn you into something you're not. Never.
5. Your hands don’t know how to be gentle. Think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. The fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. You wolf-boy, you war machine. You wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.
Once upon a time, a large and majestic golden-maned lion named you "Wolf's Bane". But the truth is that no ruin you brought to any creature would ever compare to the ruin you carry within yourself. There was no reason to be proud of being a weapon in God's hands. There was no reason to boast about the lethality of your sword. There was nothing glorious about war.
You are not a god, nor a king, nor a man, much less a boy. You are a nameless being, a freak of nature, dressed in a skin that does not belong to you. Whatever is inside your chest burns and twists like red-hot iron. You are a burning hurricane with the face of an angel and the scars of an old man who has lived hundreds, thousands of lives. You brought happiness and love during your reign, but you also left a trail of destruction in your wake. And you know that he would go through the path of darkness just to hold your hand and keep you company amid the rubble of the Hell you carry inside, even though he knows that it would condemn him forever, simply because he loves you. He loves you and you know it and it tortures you.
One touch of your lips would be enough to turn the flowers growing in your loved one's soul into ashes and you would witness the delicate petals decomposing in your hands. How could you destroy something so beautiful and live the rest of your life without hating yourself for it?
6. If you hurt him it might kill you.
"You won't hurt him. You won't break his heart."
It is a solemn oath that you are fully committed to keeping. You will not allow your selfishness to speak louder, no matter how tempting it may be. You are better than this. A love like this could only end in disaster, and you are already too tired, too damaged, too fed up with fighting the inevitable. Deceiving him with a false promise only to abandon him immediately with the intention of never seeing him again would be cruel, if not sadistic. It would be like sticking a dagger into his heart as you stood there, just watching the life vanish from his eyes like mist into the void. Another crime to be added to your pile of rubble.
"You won't do that. You won't break his heart. Unless you want to die."
7. If you hurt him you might kill yourself.
He doesn't really know you. He doesn't and you convince yourself it's better this way. If only he knew all the thoughts that go through your head every time you look at him. All the things you think about doing with him when you two are alone... you'd never have the courage to face him again.
If you could open your chest and rip out all those feelings you know you shouldn't feel just so you could have a minute of peace and silence, you would have done it a long time ago. Maybe then you would finally be able to form some coherent thought related to any other subject or anyone other than him.
You need to 'unlearn' this love, before you hurt him beyond repair and are unable to forgive yourself. He's lost too much too, you remember. He has suffered enough and he doesn't deserve this. You don't deserve him. Since when does a sinner with sinful desires deserve good things?
8. You are very bad at rehabilitation. This is one addiction you’d fail to give up. He's going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.
You always knew that this love story could never come true. You may be proud, reckless, careless, but you are no fool.
You remember the ball at the castle after the Narnians won the battle of Beruna. You remember seeing centaurs and fauns dancing, nymphs singing, laughing dwarves and talking animals enjoying the food and drinks served. You also remember smiling when you saw your siblings having fun and enjoying every moment of that night as if there was no tomorrow and reveling in their happiness. There was life and music and dance and explosions of light and color and every detail was a delight to the heart and soul. But when your eyes meet the prince - now crowned king - dressed in his ceremonial robe, letting himself be carried away by the festive atmosphere and exuding the purest joy, everything around him seems to fade in comparison. He looks majestic.
For a quick moment, the new king's eyes meet yours in the crowd and you swear you feel your heart skip a beat and your breathing falter. In another life, you would walk up to him and ask him to dance. In another life, he would hold your hand and place a chaste kiss on your fingers. He would laugh adorably at the blush growing on your cheeks and you, infected by the sweetness present in that voice, would laugh back. And when you both least realized it, you would kiss him and whisper your vows of love against the warmth of his lips like a believer whispers his prayers to a saint and, suddenly, you would feel stronger, more courageous and free. And when you opened your eyes, he would still be there, smiling, and there he would remain for the rest of your lives.
But that will never happen. One day, the king will find his perfect match, his queen - or perhaps king - and nothing else will matter. He will be happy and he will be able to love without fear, and you... you will spend the rest of your life trying to move on, but without ever really leaving your place. You cannot love him as he wants to be, as he deserves to be. You can't do it because your heart already belongs to something so much bigger than yourself. But you're also unable to forget him.
Either way, he was never yours to lose.
9. You still aren't sure he isn't a dream.
He's too good to be true. Sometimes you find yourself pinching your arm just to make sure he's real and not another one of your many fervent delusions.
Before you leave, you try to hold on to all the times you closed your eyes and found yourself surrounded by those strong arms, feeling the magical touch of his hands illuminating all the cold and dark spots of your soul. All the times you dreamed of running your fingers through that long, black hair, getting lost in those soft, wavy locks that fall down the back of his neck in the form of a beautiful waterfall. All the times you woke up panting after imagining yourself tasting that mouth and delighting in the sweet nectar of those rose lips.
Yes, you promise to record every detail of him like a man in love memorizing the lines of a poem. You will dream so much about him and the story you both could have written that maybe - maybe - the higher force that governs the universe will hear your cry and take notice of your suffering, making your dearest wish come true. And everyone around you will sigh in a mixture of delight and envy when they see you together, because none of them had ever witnessed a purer and truer love like yours until then.
10. If you kiss him, you might wake up.
The hard truth is that you don't want to leave. You didn't wait for this moment for so long only for it to end so soon.
You are not ready to leave him. You're not ready to say goodbye. But what other choice do you have? You may be a king, but even you don't have the power to control the stars, turn back the clock or stop the sun from setting. Destiny is an intangible and indomitable mystery and trying to change this fact is a battle doomed to failure.
However, no matter how aware you are about the way things work, fear remains. You're afraid you won't kiss him and spend the rest of your days cursing yourself for missing the chance of a lifetime. But you're also afraid to kiss him and, the moment you open your eyes, you'll find yourself in the solitude of your room in England, realizing that he never really existed and everything that made him who he was was just an illusion created by your mind as a way to escape the cold reality that was your life.
Yes, you want to protect him from yourself. But the hard truth is that you also want to spare your battered and patched heart the pain of breaking again, as it has happened so many times before. The harsh truth is that you are much more fragile and sensitive than you wish you were.
"You love him" Your melancholic heart weeps.
"Yes, I do" You mourn "And that's why I must let him go"
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Reasons to kiss him:
1. Because he's beautiful.
Oh God, he is so beautiful. His face, his arms and hands and feet make up a masterpiece so luminous and divine that it would make the greatest artist in the universe prostrate himself on the floor in tears. He is the most beautiful boy you have ever seen with your own eyes, both inside and out.
Every little thing about him enchants you and steals your breath away, even the ones that others would consider too insignificant to even bother paying attention to: like the way a wild lock of his hair fall delicately in front of his eye and you have to hold back the urge to approach and use your hand to pull it away and place it behind his ear. Or the dimple that appears on the left side of his mouth every time he smiles or laughs. Or the way he turns up his nose and bite his lower lip when he's lost in thought or in a deep state of concentration.
And of course, there was his innocent, childlike excitement as he shared the story behind every constellation he was able to find in the sky. You always believed that the night suited him well, similar to a black veil decorated with moon and silver, as if his very being had been conceived by the stars that fascinate him so much and call him by his name.
Yes, he is absolutely beautiful. And you, just a mere mortal, wonder how long you'll still be strong and intelligent enough before you let yourself be seduced by the sound of that velvety voice and those eyes that seem to analyze you attentively as if you were some kind of enigma to be deciphered. It's like he's able to see some beauty inside you that you yourself could never see. Or that maybe you have just forgotten.
2. Because he asked.
You never expected that, on your last night, he would notice your absence in the middle of the party and see you retreating to the privacy of your chambers, just wishing you could fall into a deep, empty sleep where you could forget about the coming of tomorrow for some hours. You never expected that he would abandon his own moment of glory just to run after you and ask if you were okay. You never expected that his hand entwined with yours would be enough to tear down all the barriers you had built around you and leave you completely defenseless, with nowhere to hide. However, the most unexpected of all was when the new king, in a shy gesture, gently lifted your chin with his fingertips so that your eyes met his - those dark, adoring eyes that seemed to strip away every inch of your body - and said in a playful and, at the same time, challenging tone:
"Kiss me"
You're not sure if that was a request or an order, but what does it matter? The only thing you know is that his touch burns your cheeks and it feels so, so good and those eyes are now focused on your lips and the two of you remain where you are for what feels like ages and this silent torture is slowly killing you two.
You're still scared. It's fear that paralyzes you and leaves you stagnant. Afraid of this all being a dream, fear of ruining him, fear of God despising you for your dirty and sinful soul, but mostly, fear of suffering and knowing that you brought it all upon yourself.
But he wants the same thing as you and he has expressed that desire right there in front of you - the desire that you have worked so hard to bury in the depths of your heart. Would it be so bad to let it speak louder just once in your life?
3. Because he preceded "Please" with "I'm not afraid of you".
He presses his forehead against yours and whispers your name in an exasperated voice and you can feel all the yearning, all the desire and all the devotion and you don't understand how you can stay standing after that. You finally decide to break your silence:
"I don't want to hurt you"
You don't try to appear strong, you don't want to pretend anymore. So you do the only thing you are capable of doing now: you just tell the truth.
You can feel the warmth of his breath caressing your lips when he tells you:
"I'm not afraid of you"
And then, he gets closer to your face until your mouths are just a few millimeters apart.
“Please” He is practically begging this time and you want so badly to give in, you want so badly to end his agony and just let him in. So you finally come to conclusion that if this is the only chance you have to truly love him, even if just for one night, then you will take it like your life depends on it. And that's exactly what you do: you close your eyes and kiss him.
He tastes like honey and wine and sweet surrender and, for once, you know it's real and not just another dream. You drink and savor and breathe this moment and he responds with the same intensity.
He touches you as if you were a treasure. You are the Sun and you are magnificent to him, not because of your title, your power or the legendary aura that the idealization of your figure carries. You are magnificent because you are human just like him and the simple fact of your existence is a miracle in itself. He draws a map of the sky on your skin and transforms all your scars and imperfections into the constellations he adores so much. From then on, all you want most is to show him the way you see him, how he makes you shine.
So you take him to your bed and between kisses and whispers and prayers and messy sheets, you love him. You love him, again and again and again. And when the flame that consumes you burns out and you both let yourselves being taken by the wave of calm that falls upon the room, you hug him and press the palm of your hand against his chest, paying attention to the song that his heart sings. At that moment, he covers your hand with his and smiles.
"Take care of it. Take it and carry it in your heart. It's yours."
I'm yours.
#I hope this gets more attention than my “modern caspeter HCs” post#tbh I'm kinda worried with my peter sounding too OOC for many of the fans' standards but that's the best I can do right now 😅#bia's failed attempt at writing#the chronicles of narnia#chronicles of narnia#narnia#tcon#c.s. lewis#peter pevensie#prince caspian#caspian x#caspeter#caspian x peter#peter x caspian#fanfiction#narnia fanfiction#narnia fic#angst#oneshot#one shot#my writing
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??? Cheating angst ig?? Dubcon??? Probably OOC whatever. Leander, Ais, MC. The writing pov changes bc idk how to write. Sexual cw. Not proofread whatsoever
Sure, technically they don't have anything discussed with Ais. They haven't agreed to being anything specific to each other. Still, whatever they had was enough they feel the need to confess what they've done.
Additional cw: creampie/unprotected
Thinking of mc who is getting close to both leander and ais. Its so obvious they are warming up to Ais, he knows it too. There's intimacy building there. But still they let Leander's charms get the better of them. They give him a night.
Ais is no stranger to this. Really, none of them are. In this city, nobody truly gets close unless you're stupid enough for it. In which case you get trampled. Nobody really sticks their neck out for each other here. So whatever seemingly sweet entanglements that happen, everybody knows it's nothing real. Nothing serious.
Still, when you come to him with shifty eyes, unable to meet his gaze, sunken shoulders, and then the mention of that mage slips out of your lips, something in him snaps. What right does he have to snap? None. He knows. But he does anyway.
So he tells you to strip. You finally look at him then. Furrowed brows, concerned like you might hurt him. He'd laugh if there wasn't a fire eating away inside him now. He repeats the command. Stern. No room for questions.
Now you're the one on fire. He likes that about you. Your brows are furrowed not in worry but irritation. You start to tell him off. "Are you listening to me" this "I'm trying to tell you" that, like he doesn't well know you're meaning to fucking leave him. Alone. Again. With the thing knocking around in his head and the ghosts of those who lost themselves in front of him.
So with a hand on your shoulder he gently pushes you. Confused, you stumble backwards. Struggling to see where you're going, you trip on one of the pillows he has strewn around the floor. He catches you, but instead of landing you on your feet, lowers your back against the floor.
He's leaning over you now. Bright red eyes seemingly devoid of emotion. He slowly dips his head next to yours, nose against your hair before his hot breath puffs against your ear, "Won't ask again."
The shiver that runs through your body feeds something in him. Eggs him to keep going. This time, you don't open your mouth. Like the first time you came to him, you start revealing yourself. Unlike the first time, he doesn't tell you to stop.
You lift your back off the floor to push off your top and cloak, lift your hips to kick off your pants. You're shaking a little. You're biting your inner cheek with a sour expression. Like half of you wants to fight him, but something else won. You're an easy one, aren't you? Oh, well. He'll take you just the same.
He has you tell him where the mage touched you. What he's done to you. And he takes over each part. Eclipses what the other has done. He does more.
And when you tell him the mage has sweet talked his way into spilling himself inside you, he nearly sends his fist through the floorboards. Instead he puts that intensity in the way he fucks you. And when he's done, you're filled with both of them. Body slick with your sweat and if Vere took a whiff of you, would instantly recognize the scent of two others on you.
#idk this was all just an excuse to have both of their [redacted] at the same time#redstrewn talks#dont come for me i dont write im just a delusional daydreamer trying to get my daydreams on paper
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Tension in TGCF (or lack thereof)
TGCF has a problem with establishing tension. Of course people are going to disagree with this statement, but TGCF sucks ass when it comes to tension and how it is shown (at least in my opinion). Now, TGCF is a high fantasy epic adventure including thousand year old gods and demons that can destroy cities and countries for funsies, so the entirety of the novel is very high-stakes from a technical standpoint.
But it definitely didn’t feel that way while reading. The majority of book 3 I found myself struggling to get through because there really was no reason to care about what was happening in the story. And I thought about this for a while, and finally came up with reasons to why I think this is the case:
1) the story REFUSES to leave Xie Lian, an overpowered 800 year old god who cannot die and is so used to suffering and terrible things happening that whatever terrible things happen don’t matter to him
2) The vast majority of characters we are supposed to be attached to are nigh immortal beings who are extremely hard to kill (and are basically never killed)
3) the main characters are so insanely overpowered and devoted to each other that any internal or external tension is immediately murdered in its crib
For the first point, I suppose it’s quite self explanatory. When writing a high fantasy epic while having your singular POV character be Xie Lian introduces some problems. Xie Lian is so detached from most things happening around him and so chill with dying, watching people die, getting grievously injured, and pretty much every bad thing under the sun that his reaction to anything that could potentially introduce stakes and tension is brushed over by Xie Lian with a ‘meh.’ This can be used to great effect in goofy comedy scenes or slice of life chapters, but when the story tries to become super ‘intense’ and make you ‘sit on the edge of your seat’, it just really… falls off.
And you could say that Xie Lian cares about those close to him and potential danger to those close to him can offer tension to the story, but that just… doesn’t happen.
As much as I love Xianle trio or the Xie Lian-Shi Qingxuan besties dynamic, it would be lying to say that any of those dynamics are particularly close in the present timeline, and Xie Lian is so incredibly zen and immune to forming attachments (because omg look my baby hes so traumatized he doesnt make friends) that those shallow friendships really don’t affect him, and those friends getting hurt is also just a “oh that sucks” moment for him.
And the one ‘genuine’ relationship he does have, the one with Hua Cheng offers no tension to the story because Hua Cheng is so overpowered Xie Lian doesn’t even need to worry about him getting hurt (but more on that in a minute).
Basically, what I’m saying in this point is that if Xie Lian, the main character who we are reading the thoughts of doesn’t give a fuck about what’s happening around him, why should we?
Point two is also quite self explanatory (actually now that I think about it all of the points are) but I will elaborate anyways.
The main characters in TGCF are gods and ghosts. Gods cannot die from old age and can only be killed through fatal injuries. But given how ridiculously overpowered they are, any external force trying to kill said gods feels like less of a threat and more like a “wow so annoying” kind of thing. The same applies to ghosts.
First of all, in order for MXTX to write the super mega romantic ashes ring scene, she had to completely break the worldbuilding of ghosts. They are incredibly hard to deal with (even weaker ones like Cuo Cuo) and the only way to truly get rid of them is to a) let their resentment dissipate which is hilariously hard to do for stronger ghosts or b) to scatter their ashes. They can’t really even be killed in the same way gods can through fatal injuries, and because MXTX wanted to make it soooooo romantic that Hua Cheng gave Xie Lian his ashes, those ashes are the only weakness ghosts have.
But that was a bit of a tangent and the main point is that ghosts, just like gods, are also ridiculously hard to kill. My point is that with the main cast of characters we care about being very overpowered, very immortal gods and ghosts, it’s extremely difficult for the story to provide any tension about the characters we care about getting hurt, ESPECIALLY with Xie Lian and Hua Cheng who basically physically are incapable of dying.
In fact, the only major character who dies (permanently) on screen is Shi Wudu. And I’m not going to go around and be super salty and say ‘oh but even then that death sucked!!!!!’ because it really didn’t. It was good! I liked it! In fact, I loved the whole black water arc in general! It really upped the stakes in that moment and it’s like “oh shit! This guy is ruthless! I really need to see what happens next and if our main characters will be okay!”
But that arc was an exception to the rule. I spent the next couple of chapters in suspense and waiting for information on Shi Qingxuan’s aftermath because I was invested. Because there was tension. But nope! MXTX dropped the ball and gave us more Hualian flirting and onto the next adventure!
No character deaths or–hell– even character ‘serious injuries’ happen following that point.
And for the rest of book 3, nothing that hits the same way as the black water arc came up again. Some moments managed to shake me out of my boredom-induced coma (the mysterious crown prince of Wuyong murals were interesting. BWX chasing down Hualian in the cave of ten-thousand gods was mildly alright), but for the most part, the slowly dawning knowledge that the black water arcs treatment of its characters is an exception to the rule and that the book is too afraid of killing off any other characters made it really, really boring to read.
Now am I saying that you need to have character deaths to make a story interesting? Not exactly. You can have stories where the main conflict and source of tension is something like workplace drama or high school crushes. But I am saying that with a setting such as TGCF with conflicts that are presented in the same way TGCF’s are (big bad monster/villain! Oh no!) having a nigh invulnerable cast is incredibly uninteresting.
The third and last point is probably the most damning of them all.
Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are ridiculously overpowered. And not overpowered in the same way that other MXTX main pairs are overpowered. Unlike someone like WWX who is indeed absurdly strong but can be defeated by other characters, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are given such a wide array of powers, abilities, and strengths, that they feel like they are on an entirely different level compared to the side characters and minor villains.
The first few arcs (before Hua Cheng was revealed) were actually quite enjoyable for this reason not being present. We weren’t shown the full array of Xie Lian’s powers and Hua Cheng was pretty much a non-factor so the arcs felt tense. Dangerous, even. It felt that maybe Xie Lian could fail, or someone could get hurt and die, or maybe even Xie Lian could die. It was cool seeing how Xie Lian would use his limited amount of spiritual powers to complete tasks that normally required spiritual energy.
But once Hua Cheng is introduced and the bulk of the rest of the story is underway, that coolness gets thrown out the window. First of all, it’s revealed that Xie Lian is a mega martial arts geek who is basically adept in all sorts of fighting and incredibly physically strong and resilient which… makes sense, but makes some struggles quite boring. However, his lack of spiritual powers still gave him a substantial disadvantage in many situations, which made me willing to see where this went.
Hua Cheng, on the other hand… what a headache.
Let’s start off with the obvious. He is undoubtedly among the top three strongest characters in the book and for the vast majority of the plot is the singular strongest character present (Xie Lian is shackled and thus weakened by a long shot and Jun Wu is basically nonexistent for the bulk of the book). And as he is the singular strongest character present, a whole lot of the issues that come up feel… trivial, at best.
There’s this whole arc about Xie Lian dealing with Cuo Cuo but by that point I was languidly scrolling through the chapters and wondering when Hua Cheng would show up and deal with the whole situation. And no surprise, a few chapters in there’s a dubcon kiss and then Hua Cheng seals Cuo Cuo in a jar and all is resolved within a few minutes!
So exciting!
It’s a similar case with the entire Tong’lu arc. At the beginning, Hua Cheng is out of commission, giving the side characters a chance to breathe and shine. But the second any semblance of tension appears in the story, MXTX decides that that’s enough and brings Hua Cheng back to basically full power so his vast array of powers pulled from his ass (a flying umbrella that can protect against giant boulders! Butterfly listening devices! Red string of fate that serves no reason in the story other than to be romantic!) can save the day once more. Xie Lian is in danger? Hua Cheng swoops in and princess carries him away.
And we don’t have to worry about the side characters because 1) who the fuck cares about them? Our leads certainly don’t. And 2) they can’t die anyways guys it’s gonna be fine.
So in essence, Hua Cheng’s mere existence causes huge structural issues for the plot and tension because he is so monstrously powerful and given new powers because MXTX wants to and is completely devoted to Xie Lian so even if the adventures start out potentially interesting, the second anything that could add some tension to the story is introduced, Hua Cheng swoops in and rescues Xie Lian.
Does it make sense from a technical point of view that Hua Cheng is incredibly powerful because his entire personality is protecting Xie Lian? …Yes.
Does that make it fun to read? No!
And about internal tension, since Hualian are so insanely devoted and caring and perfect and kind and disliking them is SUCH a character flaw, there is a complete lack of internal tension.
Would Xie Lian ever call out Hua Cheng for being a dick and treating Xie Lian’s so-called friends like shit? No! Because Xie Lian is so zen that he doesn’t care about what happens to anyone! Will Hua Cheng and Xie Lian ever fight? No! Because Hua Cheng is so incredibly devoted to Xie Lian that anything that could potentially cause a disagreement between them will be whisked away by Hua Cheng changing half his personality to appease Xie Lian.
The only thing that could potentially add tension to this romance outside of the constant will they won't they blue balling is Xie Lian’s self doubt which Hua Cheng constantly reassures him that he’s perfect and great and oh so beautiful so even that is quickly erased from the story, only coming up again when MXTX decides it’s time to remind you of how much of a woobie Xie Lian is. (Also, I find it necessary to note that Xie Lian’s healing arc really isn’t shown. He’s starting to heal in the main plot and then we jump to the extras and he’s fine and he’s just suddenly come to terms with his trauma).
I find it necessary to say that books 2 and 4 obviously don’t apply to this post because Xie Lian is allowed to face the consequences of his actions there, and we are less tethered to a group of immortal beings as our central characters.
Book 5 also doesn’t really apply for the most part, but it’s still not tense due to the hilariously shoddy buildup and payoff of the entire battle.
Anyways, that concludes my rant for today, if you want to scream at me for being a terrible person due to disliking this piece of fictional media, go ahead, and if you read this entire 2k word essay/rant mad props to you.
#tian guan ci fu#tgcf#tgcf hua cheng#mxtx#heaven official's blessing#mxtx critical#mdzs#xie lian#hua chang#hualian#tgcf manhua#tgcf headcanon#tgcf critics
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Dating advice | Part fourteen
Summary: It’s been months – ok, it’s been years – since you last went on a date. And you’re sick of it. Sick of seeing couples kissing and holding hands in the street. Sick of your friends settling down. Sick of everyone buying houses and having families. You’re going to do something about it. You’re going to snap up a man, you’re going to tie someone down, you’re going to finally commit, you’re going to – you’re going to need a bit of advice.
Pairing: Yoongi x reader
Genre: fluff; angst; smut
Word count: 2.1k
Warnings: Yoongi’s POV, low self-esteem, angst, awkwardness, overthinking
Authors Note: Suggested by @jossabelle88, and I thought it was a great idea, Yoongi’s feelings/POV to everything going on. Hope you enjoy!!
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Yoongi’s POV
You’re pulling away. You promised you wouldn’t and though you’re trying not to show it, Yoongi can see you’re holding back. He just doesn’t know why.
It’s funny really, he remembers the first day you walked into the pub all brash and straight to the point. You hadn’t seemed shy then, asking him so bluntly what men look for in woman. But it feels like the longer he knows you, the less he knows you. He wants to open you up like a book and read every page, but somethings holding you back from letting him.
He’s not good with things like this. Relationships. At least long term or ones he could see being long term. He doesn’t do them, has never really found anyone he could see himself being with, but with you, somethings different, with you he can picture a future. And now he feels lost. He’s gotten to the ceiling of his knowledge of what to do, he reached that point a long time ago, he’s going blind from here, making it up as he goes along.
It’s been slow, this whole thing. It’s built-up overtime. And maybe that’s the issue, all these feelings have creeped up on Yoongi from seemingly nowhere. From strangers to friends to something more. And Yoongi only wants more and he’s pretty sure you do too. So why did he feel like if he’d kissed you in his flat the other day you’d have run? Why does he feel so scared to tell you all his feelings, like you might not believe him? Why does he feel like you’re not telling him something?
“Don’t tell me there’s trouble in paradise already?”
He cocks his head to the side, head turning away from the accounts book he was only pretending to be filling in.
“Huh?”
“You’re back to moping,” Priya’s looking at him, hip leaning into the counter, eyes their usual judgemental brown. “Don’t tell me Y/N’s got another date with some guy who ghosted her?”
He knows she’s joking, he just struggles to show his amusement.
He remembers Priya telling him about your second date with Edwin, or Fredrik or whatever the fuck his name was. God, Priya is really downplaying just how upset he was when she told him. It was the first time he’d ever asked someone to cover the shift he was supposed to be doing and on such short notice. He couldn’t face people that day, had just wanted to act like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum and hide away from the world. He was pathetic. He still feels a little upset when he thinks of it now. Because what if you do it again? What if you truly do think Yoongi’s not worth it and it’s worth going back into the cesspit pit that is the dating pool?
God, he’s truly not himself if he’s worrying over a girl not liking him. What the hell have you done to him?
Yoongi turns to look back at the account book, no idea where he left off.
“Me and Y/N are fine.”
Priya hums, unconvinced. “The date didn’t go well? Don’t tell me you tried that beef dish again. I already told you that no one but you likes that.”
He grinds his teeth. Most of the time he likes Priya or can at least tolerate her. But right now, he wishes she’d just leave him alone.
“The beef dish tastes good.”
“It tastes like ass.”
“I didn’t do the beef. She liked my cooking,” he says despite his best instinct to ignore the girl.
“Right. So not your cooking. Did you say something to upset her?”
“Not that I know of,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Oh god, it’s not a sex thing is it?”
“We’re fine Priya,” he snaps, standing back up straight and twisting to look at her.
“Seems it,” she mumbles, eyes widening as she looks at the back wall.
Yoongi takes a breath. He needs to calm down. He never gets like this, no matter what shit Priya pulls he never gets snappy with her. Things are good between the two of you, he needs to stop stressing out. Nothing’s wrong, it’s all in his head.
“Sorry,” he says to Priya. “I just don’t know what I’m doing. I think everything’s ok, but it also feels different than how I imagined.”
It’s one of the good things about Priya, she’s someone he trusts to say anything to and not worry about any possible judgement. She’s like a sister, a really annoying, nosey sister he sometimes wishes he hadn’t employed, but really doesn’t know what he’d do without her and her prying ass.
“How did you imagine it?”
He pauses to think. Maybe he’s worded it wrong, because it’s not like he sat imagining what would happen between you two, Yoongi doesn’t like to pay too much attention to the future, he lives in the moment, likes to plan and organise and make sure things go as well as they can, but he knows he can’t control everything and doesn’t think there’s any point putting too much weight on that. No, it’s not that he imagined perfection from this thing with you, it’s just that things seemed to have turned already. Not sour, not bad, just not like they were. It was all so amazing for such a small moment, a single night and single morning.
He still feels excited to see you, he still gets butterflies when you walk into the room, he still wants to rip every item of clothing off your body and place his lips against every inch of you. But you’ve already had sex, and since then he thought your relationship would only intensify, yet it only seems to have gone backwards. He doesn’t get it. The date the other day was perfect: the food hadn’t burnt, you’d turned up looking beautiful, you’d laughed at his jokes and relaxed into the evening, you’d looked happy. But he still felt like something was off. He’s not going to lie, he kind of thought you’d stay the night again, thought you might have sex again, at least thought he’d get a good night kiss. But even when Yoongi had made it obvious how much he wanted to kiss you at the door, you hadn’t reciprocated.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong.
“It feels like the honeymoon stage has ended already.”
Priya cocks her head to the side, interested. He fully expects her to make some sort of comment about his sex life. Even pauses to let her make the joke, but for once she says nothing, takes this thing as seriously as Yoongi is. See, she can be ok sometimes.
“Well, I’m not sure it even started,” he corrects.
“Why’s that? You two are clearly into each other.”
“I think I’m into her way more than she’s into me.”
Priya shakes her head slowly. She’s giving him a look like he’s being stupid, he should know, he gets that look a lot. “Believe me, she’s into you. Like a lot.”
“Why are girls so complicated?” Yoongi huffs and regrets the words immediately given the hard glare Priya gives him.
“Why are boys so scared to actually talk. It’s not all about shoving your dick into things.”
“I talk. And I’m not just shoving my dick into Y/N.”
Priya rolls her eyes. “All I’m saying is, maybe if you asked her what the matter was instead of moping about it, she’d tell you. And then, oh I don’t know, you could work on it and all your problems would be solved.”
Yoongi can’t deny that she has a point. It’s not like its ground-breaking advice, more that he’s a tad nervous to talk to you about it and find out what’s wrong. He knows he needs to talk to you about you, or more specifically the two of you and what you are.
It’s just he’s terrified it’s something he can’t fix, that it’s something that innately wrong with him.
Maybe it was the sex. He thought it was good, amazing even, but you haven’t spoken about it since it happened. He thought you enjoyed it too, but maybe he’d read it all wrong. He’s not going to lie, a small part of him hadn’t expected you to stay the night after. And is it bad for him to say that he was expecting you to not be there when he woke up? It’s not been that long since he met you, but he feels like he knows you so well, can read your face like a book. And he knows somethings not right. Or not as right as it should be. You should be wanting to jump each other’s bones, not be scared to even touch each other.
Fuck. He wants to make this better so bad.
“Listen,” Priya’s voice has turned more serious, softer. “She wants this as much as you, I’m sure if you just speak to her you’ll be able to work it out.”
“How do you know?” He doesn’t need to specify, Priya knows what he means.
“You’re a smart guy Yoongi, but sometimes you can be so dense. If you used your eyes you’d see the way she looks at you and you’d know,” she pauses then adds a tad softer. “You just need a bit more confidence in yourself. And maybe some better glasses.”
“I’m confident.”
“Just not around women.”
“I don’t need someone else to know my own self-worth.”
“Alright big guy,” Priya laughs. “What book did you take that line from?”
“All I’m saying is I’m fine alone,” Yoongi grumbles.
“Yeah, but you don’t have to be. You’re allowed to want to be with Y/N.”
Yoongi goes back to his account book. He’s body folding over the pages as he hunches down to get closer to read the writing. The maths feels easier than this conversation with Priya.
“Just talk to her,” she pauses then adds, “and wear your glasses, your eyes are only going to get worse if you keep straining like that.”
With that she leaves, thank the lord. But her words linger in Yoongi’s mind. She may be annoying, but she’s made some good points, at least made Yoongi realise what’s missing. Communication.
Maybe he’s panicking, but you must be too. And you’ve spoken, just never about the big stuff, namely you and him and where you both see whatever this is going.
Now he thinks about it, it’s always been you to do the big stuff. Sure, he asked you out, but he took the easy way-out last minute by calling it a practice. It’s been you that came here, you that spoke about being single and wanting someone, you that admitted your feelings towards him, you that came to his for dates. Yoongi doesn’t think he’s been hiding his feelings, if anything he thinks he’s been way too obvious, but he can’t help but think that he’s never really verbally expressed them to you. And Yoongi’s been told plenty of times in the past how bad he is at expressing his emotions.
He knows you’re pulling away, he just isn’t sure what to do about it. But he knows he’s going to have to bring it up with you.
He’s not good with emotion, has a lot of feelings just doesn’t always know how to express them. He’s going to have to learn though, or at least try harder. Maybe it won’t help with whatever is going through your mind, but he hopes it does.
Pulling out his phone he opens the long string of messages that have already been sent. His heart hammers as he types out the words. It feels like his heart is in his throat, his blood rushing to the surface of his skin. Despite his nerves at what you’ll respond he forces himself to press send. He watches the bubble form on his screen, the ticks going from one to two. They don’t turn blue, at least not yet and while you’re not even showing as online, Yoongi still sits and watches the screen as if you’ll reply.
He takes one last look at his message before locking the screen and trying to distract himself.
Yoongi: Can we talk about us?
He really hopes he’s not messing this up.
Taglist:
@minyoongiboongi @kookiecrumb @shydestinyyouth @minimoni7 @dopedreamfireparty @ilyk00 @hobiicores @here4btsfics @highly-functioning-mitochondria @ajw05 @xuxibelle @seoqity @jjksaveme @squakadoodledoo @jiminandhislostjams @rumpucis @bbsantc @likeshatteredrainbowglass @zae007live @mama-miss-shunshine @chaotic-floral @cowboylikevicky @yoonallthetime @feeling-woozi @neongreenlaces @jimilter @is-it-sander-oclock-yet @majamarantha @nuniah @sunshinerainbowsbts
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1-5 about Jason/Red Hood
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
It's 4:58 am as I start answering this ask and I might descend into delirium as I write this but. Firstly we have to get this out of the way yes I have a crush on him okay moving on. I've said this before but like. He was reintroduced as a batman villain. Maybe the most tragic batman villain? Maybe one of the most tragic comic book villains ever? Cause even as he manages to outsmart batman - I meant to say this earlier, actually, I think it's so cool that he outsmarted batman this is never brought up again but like HE WON if it weren't for the human element of actually getting Bruce to let him kill the joker. But okay back to the sentence - he still refers to Bruce as his family. Again and again it's made clear that that was his dad, goddammit, and the tragedy of it is so heartbreaking. One of the only moments I truly loved in RHATO 2011 is when Jason gives up his happiest memory - Bruce staying home from patrol with him when he was sick during his robin days. For one what a sweet fucking moment. Secondly it further shows the tragedy of it all - he was happy, and that happiness itself is part of the reason it all hurts so much. And yeah I get it in a lot of ways. And again I also just think he's cool and kicks ass but like the themes. THE THEMES
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
That he's a book nerd who loved going to school
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
Mmmmm most of the writing is bad yeah. Makes it hard to choose. Also the fact that like so much is dubiously canon? Idk I'm just gonna say the fact that they gave him to Scott Lobdell for so long
Edit: OBVIOUSLY I should've written here the idea that he was the violent robin
4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?
Well he's already in comics, animated movies, and live action tv shows so. I guess a book is all I have left? Or a really good live action movie which seems unlikely
5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?
OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS QUESTION it's my tears ricochet by Taylor Swift herself like. Okay oh my God prepare yourselves
We gather here, we line up
Weepin' in a sunlit room, and
If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too
Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe
All the hell you gave me?
'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you
'Til my dying day
So this first verse describes a funeral (the song is from the pov of a ghost) and like. Jason dies in an explosion so the fire thing makes complete sense. And I read the song as Jason talking NOW so he's like, even though I disappointed you and died needlessly, did I deserve the treatment I've received since? A batarang to the throat, being beaten half to death, the distrust and cruelty? Cause you were my dad till the moment I died (and I still want you to be I still want you to be I still want you to be)
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And you're the hero flying around, saving face
And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
So the prechorus and chorus really hammer home the point of the song which is I'm right here, why can't you see me? But then this first prechorus has the bonus of also referring to the person the pov character is talking to as a hero flying around, evoking the classic image of a superhero. Bruce if you love me, why won't you look at me and see I'm here. Bruce if you loved me, how could you build that shrine to a kid that never was.
We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean
Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring
You know I didn't want to have to haunt you
But what a ghostly scene
You wear the same jewels that I gave you
As you bury me
I don't have as much to say about this verse but I do think the imagery of throwing stones sort of inherently invokes glass houses, and I do think that matches Jason's pov. Also: as you bury me - literally and figuratively. You left me in the past and moved on. Never mind that he didn't actually, that's how it feels.
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave
And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
CAUSE WHEN I'D FIGHT YOU USED TO TELL ME I WAS BRAVE!!!!!!!
And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)
And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)
I literally named one of my fics, one that's about the days after Jason's death, stolen lullabies, because. Ffs. He was just a kid. HE WAS JUST A KID. And you can aim for my heart go for blood hurts so much more if you're thinking about the batarang not just physically (also physically) but also symbolically what it meant. I choose the joker over you, Jason. Maybe that isn't what it meant to Bruce, but it is definitely what it meant to Jason. Anywhere I want just not home... "Cause he took me away from you".........
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears
And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain
Crossing out the good years
And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
The battleships..... All they do is argue and clash and mourn the relationship they used to have. "You had to kill me but it killed you just the same" are we talking about the way Bruce buried his son and it killed him? Are we talking about the betrayal of his morals at the end of UTRH? and then also YOU TURNED INTO YOUR WORST FEARS!!!! Bruce sunk into his grief and will NEVER be the same. Crossing out the good years..... A little meta but this is where I think about how DC has been trying to rewrite Jason's robin run as him being "the violent one" when in fact he was the biggest goddamn nerd. Like the tragedy of it all ...
Look at how my tears ricochet. Look at how my grief turns to violence. Look at what's left of us
I am so normal about this. Okay it's 5:23 I think it's time for me to go to bed
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Tagged by @firebatvillain... er... a few weeks ago, I think. Thank you! Sorry it took me so long.
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
136.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
396,444.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Oh, God. Loads, too many to list. Tolkien is currently at the top of the list, and I'm also deep in the extended Jacobite Literary Universe. :D Generally, my fandoms tend to have some sort of historical and/or fantasy setting.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Amo, Amas, Amat (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius)
Slightly Scandalous (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius)
Kindred Spirits (Ghosts, Captain/Thomas)
Reality Bites (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius)
Poetry Slam (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius)
My NATM fics are still my most popular ones by a country mile. I still get almost daily kudos on all of them, which is somewhat bamboozling, given that they're pretty old, very short, and there's been a lot more NATM fic written since then. But it is nice that folks are still finding them and reading them. :D
Then there's that random Ghosts one in there, too!
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Yeah, almost always. I like to let readers know I appreciate their feedback, and it's fun to flail about our favourite characters and ships. Though right now, I have to admit that I have a bit of a backlog of comments that I need to respond to. But I'll get there. :S
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I've written a few, but possibly Nunc Dimittis, which is about Morgoth sending Sauron away at the final fall of Angband. It ends with Sauron feeling the moment that Melkor is taken captive, then later, when he's cast into the Void, and realising he's now truly alone. That fic was entirely Dark Lord angst. :P
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Oof, a fairly tough one. I'm quite big on giving my ships happy endings, wherever possible. But I'll go with A Few Good Years to Spend, because that whole fic was an exercise in giving Andreth and Aegnor a happy ending. But I very much liked the final scene, with Andreth growing old and Aegnor as totally, utterly besotted with her as ever. It also had them all surrounded by the various kids of the House of Bëor, and Aegnor being the confirmed favourite, and the image was cute. :3
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Not really. I did get one really weird comment on a fic, which was basically a diatribe against the POV character. But it had nothing to do with the actual fic, it was about the character in the canon, and it seemed like it was part of some larger screed had just been c+p'd from some other site. Very strange.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yeah, every so often. I wish I wrote more tbh, because I'm a pervy wee hobgoblin. I've never even written an f/f scene or a proper threesome. So far, all my smut has been fairly tame, but I'd like to try my hand at some more kinky stuff at some point. ;)
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Yeah, when inspiration strikes. I don't know about the craziest, but I think the daftest must definitely be And Long Would Mandos Hold Him, where Death from Horrible Histories meets Saeros from The Children of Húrin and is, naturally, delighted. That one was a riot to write. XD
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge, but fuck, who knows. The internet is huge.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
A few times, into Chinese and Russian.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Not really, not if you mean both of us writing. I think the closest I've come so far was when I collaborated with peasina for last year's Pod_Together, which involves teaming up to create both a written fic and a podfic version of the same. It was a really fun experience, coming up with ideas for a story together, and interesting, because it's the first time I've ever written a story specifically intended to be read aloud, so it was something to keep in mind all the time I was writing. The end result was A (Confirmed) Knight Bachelor: written version here and pod version here. I really enjoyed doing this one! :D
14. What’s your all time favourite ship?
God, I don't know. I have no idea how to gauge that.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
ahahahaha... oh God, right now, it feels like all of them. XD
But really... sadly, probably the Legolas/Gimli post-LOTR fic I started. Honestly, I think the fact it was looking to end up as a multi-chapter affair kind of scared me from the get-go. Then I wrote myself into a knot trying to work out Legolas and Thranduil's dynamic immediately after the War of the Ring. No doubt it's the sort of thing that could be easily worked out with a bit of tinkering, but I got discouraged and ended up shoving the whole fic on the back-burner, where it's like to stay. :[
(Of course, talking about it inevitably makes me want to open it up and have another crack at it. But realistically, I don't think I'll ever finish it.)
16. What are your writing strengths?
I think I do character voices pretty well, and in book fandoms, I think I can usually pull off a decent pastiche of the style. And on a good day, I think I can do good descriptive prose.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Fucking plots, how do they work??? On a bad day, I think my prose is overdone and pedantic: too fussy.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
It can definitely add something - authenticity, atmosphere - but should also be used with caution. Writing is all about communication, after all, and if you start writing whole screeds of conversation in a language that you're not guaranteed your target audience will understand, you're not serving the story, just trying to show off. Economy is the key, I think. I also usually include a translation, either as an endnote, or as a hover-over caption.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
lol technically, I think it must be historical RPF. I used to write wee stories about the historical peeps I was obsessed with at the time.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
Oh, how the hell is anyone meant to answer a question like that.
Tagging, with no obligation: @nocompromise-noregrets, @cilil, @bryndeavour, @chiropteracupola, @regshoe, @sanguinarysanguinity, @technicallycleverdetective, @swanmaids, @cycas, and @di-daydreamer.
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Living Children Yet Undead Soldiers
Oh man what a title!! So much potential! It would work so well with a pure DC fic, exploring death and the Robins - possibly through a Jason Todd pov (I mean he just really lends himself to this, doesn't he, can you just imagine the angst?????) but they must be a dime a dozen and idk if I could ever give that any justice
AND! As we all know, my brain rot rn is solidly dpxdc, so I'm afraid that's where I'm taking this title 😅
I'm thinking: older Danny, mid-to-late 20s, established Ghost King, but retired Phantom - he's still fresh enough to remember the pain/anger/hurt that comes with being a child hero, as well as the incredible fulfilment and happiness and sense of achievement, of making a difference, too. He has both sides of this, he knows what it's like, so when he meets the batfam for dinner (is it a Grayson brother situation like @tumbling-darkling 's fic? That'd be cool), he watches as each of them files in and becomes more and more agitated as he realises that most of them have died. He's not stupid, he knows who they are and he knows how dangerous the hero game is - and at least they've been resurrected without any lasting damage. They're not even that liminal! But still...
Things come to a head when Jason walks in and he's like oh fuck, he's halfway to a ghost himself and he doesn’t even know it - and he can't hold himself back any more. It's no longer about making sure these kids don't get hurt again, now it's about making sure these kids know the consequences of what they're doing, making sure that Batman isn't taking advantage of their youth and naivety, making sure that they're all okay after the truly harrowing ordeal of dying.
Because Danny knows. He knows how hard all of it is, how the crushing weight of responsibility sits heavy on your shoulders. How it feels to fail.
If he's being brought into this family, he will not stand seeing them all thrust into danger - he won't take their alter-egos away from any of them, that won't help, but he won't sit by and say nothing. He can't.
This is his first meeting with the batfam and everyone's nervous: they can tell he's anxious, angry, he's gripping the silverware too tight, breathing hard through his nose. Everyone's on their best behaviour, trying to make a good impression for Dick’s sake, but they're already messing this up?
And then Jason walks in, followed by Damian, who can't be any older than when Danny himself died, and that's it. That's enough.
Danny slams his knife and fork down and turns to Bruce, nostrils flaring and barely concealed anger on his face. "Bruce, do you mind if I have a quick talk with the kids in private?"
He forces a smile on his face, takes a deep breath to relax, but it barely softens his expression at all. "Nothing to worry about, just want to introduce myself properly and I'd prefer to do that sibling to sibling, you know how it is. Please."
Bruce doesn't want to leave. At all. Something is off and he doesn't like it - if he can't be privy to this conversation then it's not happening. Do you think he's stupid? He's not leaving his kids in the hands of someone he hasn't met properly, someone who is definitely agitated, and is definitely hiding something.
Either he leaves after some reassurances from Dick, or Danny says "Fuck it, fine, I'll do this here and now. I wanted to be discreet, but fuck it - I know who you all are and frankly, fuck you, Bruce."
Cue angry, righteous rant about death and responsibility and how disgraceful it is to manipulate children into becoming soldiers in Batman's own quest for justice.
"They're children, Bruce. They don't deserve to face death every single night and as much as they think they are, they're not invincible. One day one of them will die, truly die, and they won't come back from it. What will you do then?"
Oh man this really got away from me, I really enjoyed this title 😅😅 I'm going to leave it there partly because idk how it would end and also partly because this is now long as fuck haha
send me a title and I'll make up a fic outline
#dp x dc#older brother danny#danny phantom#batman#dick grayson#ask game#oh my gosh i forgot to ramble in the tags about this#oh wait i should tag you sorry#anime-hipster-the-amazing#right lets ramble away!!!#this was so fun to think about!! it would work so well#i'm very into it and it's going into the potential fic ideas folder haha#how would bruce react to danny tearing him down like this??#i feel like he'd agree with danny 100% - but would that come with so much shame and guilt#that he's powerless to manifest in any way other than anger#so he lashes back at danny like 'it's their decision i am not making them do anything#who are you to tell me anything?'#and Danny's like 'who am i? I'm the ghost king.' his eyes glow green and his hair turns wispy#as it picks up in a nonexistent breeze - it flickers like it's on fire - and the shadows around him deepen just as it seems like he begins#to glow. He smiles，his mouth full of teeth that are far too sharp，and leans close to bruce#'and if you’re not careful，they'll be more my children than yours soon enough. it's only a matter of time before you lose them forever.'#creepy eldritch danny scaring bruce into being open and honest for once in his life#i want bruce to be very defeated and broken because he knows - he knows - that no child should be robin#but who is he without his children?#my writing
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I originally wrote this on my wattpad account, but it was deleted 😞
MINORS DNI, MATURE THEMES AHEAD
"Good" Girl Reader x Bad Boy Geto Suguru... Characters are 18+
"The Girl Deemed Holier Than Thou"
Getou's POV:
Here she comes. I hear her before my eyes even take in her figure. The satisfying and rhythmical clicking of her black kitten heel against the mundane patterned tile subliminally triggers a response deep inside my mind. My first action is to turn my head slightly away from my group of friends who were unevenly splayed around my locker. I glanced at the digital clock that was perched across the hall from me.
1:15.
Of course it is. It always is. Every single day, at the same exact time, I stare as Y/N struts by, books in hand, making a beeline straight to her locker. I'm trained like a dog. She's never late.
Every now and then, I notice how she catches Mahito's eye, the same way she catches mine. Although he's far more pathetic than I'd ever be. He ogles at her like he's a fourteen year old boy whose never seen a woman, let alone a beautiful one. Bitch ass. Not that she would pay him any mind though... him or anyone else for that matter.
Her demeanor is constantly an inconsistent balance between shy and self-righteous. She rarely talks. However, when she does, the eye contact she holds is engaging, almost daunting, especially for someone so tiny. She has the sweetest appearance but the nastiest attitude when she's not performing her 'innocent girl next door' masquerade for the professors. I watched as her perfectly manicured, oval shaped nails twisted the lock to the necessary combination of numbers, completely disregarding the immature bullshit my friends are loudly spewing, as if none of us are even here. Y/N makes it obvious she can't stand them, which only ever makes her more agitating. She combs her hair back with her delicate hands, ceasing the thick strands from blocking her symmetrical features and readjusting her solid black headband atop her head. I can't help but feel the ghost of her fingertips scratch my own scalp... shivering, I can almost feel the way she'd grip onto my roots as my tongue is buried in her cunt, or the way her french tips would leave deep red rivers along my back while I pound into her.
Ugh. Fuck, no.
She's stuck up. She's bitchy. She's uptight. She infuriating... but God, she's absolutely perfect.
I always catch my self daydreaming class away, gazing at her from across the room. Imagining how her body would feel pressed against mine. Imagining Mahito's shocked face as I bend her over his desk and claim her. I feel myself harden at the though of it and blink hard in response to one of Gojo's one liners before cracking a smile, attempting to regain a small slice of my dignity. Unfortunately, I truly am not as slick as I think I am.
"Geto, what are you even looking at?" Shoko quirks her head slightly, almost amused.
"More like who is he looking at..." Gojo wobbles his eyebrows, a shit eating grin displayed proudly on his face as he nods his head in Y/N's direction. They both fully turn their bodies, hands at their sides like they're looking for their mommy in the middle of the grocery store. Two deer in headlights.
"The fuck is wrong with you guys?" I close my eyes, silently praying that Y/N doesn't notice the two traffic cones eyeballing her, knowing she'll have some snarky commentary in response.
We watch as her books and binders are gracefully transferred from her locker to her already comically large bag. Every move she makes looks calculated yet dainty.
Briefly, our eyes meet as she zips shut her bag. She's completely ignoring the two dumbasses who still haven't torn their gaze away from her. I had half the mind to look away, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut short the attention she was directing towards only me. I feel my heart beat increasing, banging against my ribcage. Her expression is completely blank before her eyes shift away. I swear I can see her blushing, but I might just be going batshit crazy. She slams her locker shut.
"Damn okay, what did it do to her?" I just barely hear Satoru mutter out as both he and Shoko whip back around, avoiding any eye contact with Y/N.
She slings her backpack over he shoulder theatrically as she straightens out her posture. As she walks past me, she resumes our undeclared staring contest. The dirtiest look is etched on her face. Glaring at me as if I killed her cat, she prances away, head held high. A loud blaring signals that the final period of the day is beginning shortly. Maybe I'll just skip, or go home early. I really won't be missed in class by my Econ teacher. I roll my eyes, sighing out.
"Alright, see you guys later."
Y/N's POV:
I bend forwards in my seat, resting my forehead on the cool surface of the faux wooden desk while I wait for the lesson to end. The droning voice of the professor rings like an incessant bell in my empty, aching head. Jesus Christ, I can't stand this shit. The class ends with Mr. Nanami handing back last week's essays... the one I procrastinated on until 11pm the night before it was due.
"Wonderful job once again, Miss Y/L/N. Keep it up." Professor Nanami placed the papers on my desk. A capital 'A' accompanied by a plus decorated the document. I smiled, thanking him as he walked away, nodding while rubbing his tired eyes.
The second the dismissal bell sounded throughout the chatter-filled classroom, I sprung out of my chair, wasting no time to get the fuck out of here.
I'm like a reality TV show contestant. I'm not here to make friends.
The only thing that matters is that I can keep my grades up, maintain my scholarship and get out of my mother's dingy little house. Although, if I started sleeping in a cardboard box on the side of the street, she probably wouldn't even notice anyways. Does anybody like me, at all? I know I make no effort to connect with anyone and recently I've really begun to regret it. Whatever, I've already dug too deep. I scoff at my own thoughts as I walk out of the front entrance of the school, waving goodbye to a security guard. He's always been nice.
I drag my feet as I make my way down the sidewalk, kicking small rocks into the road. I hate this. I hate walking by myself, stuck with my thoughts. Everytime I'm not actively worrying about some deadline or reading a textbook assignment, my mind travels right back to him.
Fuck face Getou Suguru. He's such an asshole. Him and his dumb friends are always causing a ruckus, laughing too loud, never focused. Well, Getou is never too loud. I guess he's the most reserved out of all of them. But whatever, I still hate the smug look on his face. I still hate his stoic demeanor, even when I'm being a total bitch to him. I still hate how everytime I look at him, I get butterflies deep in my stomach... I still hate how enamoured I am with him. Can he tell? I don't think so. I looked real pissed when he was looking at me in the hallway, I'm sure of it.
I stop in my tracks in front of the grimy gas station that I frequent. I tug at the neckline of my Ralph Lauren polo sweater. Gripping on to the bottom of the fabric, I pull it over my head, revealing a borderline skimpy, gray tank top. I tied the thick material around my hips before pushing open the glass door. A small bell chimed, signaling my presence as I made my way into the small, air-conditioned store.
"Hey Toji, how's it going man." I stated more as a greeting than an actual question. The man at the counter grunted in response, already knowing what I'm going to ask next.
"Marlboro Reds, sweets?" He asked, already moving to grab the box of tobacco. I nodded as I begun fishing for my wallet, pulling out a $10.
"Don't even bother with the I.D., kid. We both know you're not 21." He huffed out, exchanging the cigarettes for the bill, staring at my chest the entirety of the transaction.
"Always a pleasure, Fushiguro."
"Your backpack gives you away." He mumbles back. I smile, exiting the almost damp atmosphere.
I walked to the side of the building, feeling the rough brick scratch at my exposed shoulders as i leaned against the wall. I took a deep breath, allowing myself to slouch, allowing myself to not be perfect. I shake the box of cigarettes, hitting it against the palm of my hand, before opening it and lighting one. The scene has to be a great feat of irony. A nice-looking young woman, donning a pleated skirt and an expensive polo shirt, hair done to the nines, makeup completely percise, the true image of "perfection"... stood outside a suspicious (to say the least) gas station, smoking in a barely-there top.
I sit down on the cracked pavement, closing my eyes. My thoughts drift back to Getou. I want to be more friendly with him, I really do. But, it scares me. I genuinely just can't take all of the emotions anymore. But fuck, he looked so good today. His long dark hair was half up in a thick bun, while the other half rested past his broad shoulders. He wore that tight black t-shirt that clings to his strong build and leaves little to the imagination. I feel myself begin to melt, becoming wet at the thought of him pushing me against the lockers and fingering me until I become completely undone for him.
My thoughts are harshly interrupted by the sound of a motor pulling into the parking lot. I pay it no mind, completely caught up in my own imagination. A minute passes before I hear heavy foot steps and a man clearing his throat.
"Didn't know you smoked." A familiar voice flooded my ears. I blinked open my eyes only to be greeted with dread. What the fuck. Motherfucker. Getou Suguru. He glared down at me, smirking. God, I wanna wipe that look right off his perfect little face. Before my mind even registered what was happening, my body took over as I stood up, coming face to face with him.
"Uhmm..." I looked at the lit cigarette, then back to him.
Getou's POV:
Wasting time riding around on my motorcycle is a hobby of mine. It's quiet for the most part, and far better than going home to my deadbeat father and his whore of a girlfriend...whichever one it is this week.
Freedom is the most prominent feeling in my heart as I flew down the empty road. Free until the gas light began blinking on my dashboard. Fuck. I made a wide U-turn, heading for the station I just pasted.
As I pull in, I notice a familiar figure and an even more familiar head band. Y/N. I study her, flipping up my visor and unbuckling my helmet, pulling it off my head and shaking out my hair. She looks exhausted...just defeated by life. Her head is resting against the rough exterior of the market and her arm hangs low. Something catches my eye. Something laced between her fingers. I squint moving closer to her. A cigarette. Little miss goody two shoes is smoking a cigarette. Huh.
"Didn't know you smoked." I blurted out after clearing my throat uncomfortably. Her eyes shot open and she was on her feet in a instant. I couldn't help but smile. She's kind of endearing.
"Uhmm..." eyes bulging out of her head, I could almost hear her gears turning as she searched for an excuse to save her reputation.
"Hush, its okay, I won't tell. As long as you let me smoke with you." I smiled at her, trying to ease her visible panic. It was so... odd. I caught her off guard, no time to be calculated or elegant. I caught her being human. She sighed, offering the box to me. I put a cigarette between my lips nudging her hand that held the lighter with the butt of it. Cupping her hand over the bud, she met my gaze as she lit the tobacco. We sat in a comfortable silence for a while, her finishing her tab long before me. Once I threw mine to the ground, stomping it out, I looked at her. To my surprise and utter delight, she was already staring back at me. She really is beautiful.
"Hey-" I begun, but was abruptly cut off.
"I'm sorry." Huh??
Y/N's POV:
"What? What are you sorry for?" His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as his strong features scrunched up.
"I- I don't know...for being a bitch. For being so conceited? I know that I come across as judgemental and rude. I want people to like me. I want to be better... I want to be-" A single tear runs down my cheek and I quickly swipe it away. I stop myself, realizing how pathetic it is to wallow in self-pity in front of a man who probably wouldn't mind seeing your head on a stick. I've never felt so tiny, so vulnerable. Like a small mouse. I felt naive to believe that the enemy would care to feed me. Worst of all, I felt stupid. I felt ridiculous and embarrassed, looking everywhere but his sharp eyes.
"Hey, hey... it's okay, you can cry. Let it out." I felt a heavy hand on my upper back, rubbing in small, soothing circles. The wall that I have spent years building up (mostly with homework packets and study guides) was instantly tore down. My eyes filled with tears as I looked up at Suguru and he smiled. A genuine, warm smile. Slowly, tears rolled down my face. Suguru's calloused hands enveloped my round cheeks as his thumbs wiped away the tears as they fell. My heart skipped a beat. I felt my body turn on me, producing small trembles as the flow of tears became more persistent. I threw my arms around his shoulders, burying my face into his neck. Instantly, he grasped onto my waist holding me to his chest.
"There you go... I've got you."
#enemies to lovers#badboygoodgirl#reader insert#imagines#mutual pinning#x reader#jjk x reader#fem reader#size difference#sugurugeto#getou suguru x y/n#suguru fluff#18+ content#enemies to friends trope
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do you have any dmcl fic/author recommendations? :o
YES! this is not comprehensive AT ALL. also i’m only including completed fics bc i know some people don’t like to read wips, and also i’m trying to keep this on the hidden gems side, so stuff you won’t find on the first few pages by kudos/bookmarks. dmcl has so many good deep cuts!!
absolutely favorite beloveds:
ghosting by antimonicacid: really fantastic character study for claude and dimitri. honestly has one of my favorite pre ts dimitris in a fic bar none maybe. this has very quintessential dmcl energy bc theyre so… gentle w each other in this fic? idk i love it. great dedue cameo
the last chapter is explicit but not… necessary for resolution so if it’s not you’re thing you can not read that part.
the ground all around, it was always holy by themorninglark: really beautiful pre ts dimitri character study from claude’s perspective. the writing in this fic is stunning, and the development of their relationship is so compelling and wonderful. this one sort of breaks my heart but it’s not sad the writing just kind of makes me ache a bit.
dreams, they’re for those who sleep by longboyzone: really intimate moment near the end of white clouds that really captured me. i’ve reread this one a lot and i think abt it. also features gentle dmcl. would recommend the other two one shots by this author as well. they’re all really good
celestially written by aetherae: this fic is so good to me i’m obsessed with it? the whole series actually. it just hits so many dmcl buttons for me but basically it’s a joint route vw/am fic where claude takes the hit for dimitri after gronder rather than rodrigue. except like instead of being abt any of that it’s like 13k of people gossiping abt when dmcl is actually gonna get together and it’s. so. good. the outsider pov dmcl in this one just hits idk what else to say. they also have a bunch of other dmcl fics i’ve read that are really good but they’ve written like 30+ fe fics so i’d say just check their profile out!
lion in the mist by trilies: this fic has really stuck so me since i first read it probably because it’s so unique? this has claude (+ the deer) coming across dimitri midskip while traveling to fraldarius. i really love how both dimitri and claude are handled in this fic, idk you can tell the author is handling them both deliberately and with care? and the atmosphere this fic creates is really fantastic. they also are rather prolific so i’d check out their page as well. bc they have so much good dmcl
wear your colours by metallic_sweet: okay i said i wouldn’t do anything you could find on the first few pages of the ao3 tag but this was my first joint route fic and it lives in my heart for a lot of reasons. honest to god some of the best fe3h world building i’ve read in a fic like fodlan feels like a place here that contains 3 nations with distinct cultures. also this fic really takes seriously how dark the world of fodlan truly is without making dmcl ‘darker’ than they are as well? it’s a delicate balance and they do it fantastically. has an unfinished sequel (also worth reading—the whole series is, but dmcl isn’t the focus of every fic) that breaks my heart every day.
other dearly adored:
these are all also SO good but i couldn’t keep writing paragraphs
sweater weather by midoriverte: dmcl pre ts winters shenanigans. also their other dmcl fic is really good.
wound care by whoreromovie: a little bit of claude patching dimitri up for the soul. very soft and sweet between them
giving hands by asoryuun: SYLDUE RIGHTS!! and outsider pov dmcl my beloved. high recommend this one is fun
comfort of frailties (orphaned): DMCL SNEAKING OUT !! love this one it’s just… so sweet. so so sweet. and it has art that goes with it!!
the sweetest lullaby by aetherae: i know i recced smth else by them but i had to include this too. god i want dimitri to get some fucking sleep
whatever possessed you by fealle: pre ts dimitri and claude evasion ring character study get together. you love to see it.
if you do NOT mind wips then my recs are:
princes of silver and gold: the fantastic joint route time travel fic by @travelling-on-the-octopath. this fic my beloved <3 s has an insane handle on dialogue and scene pacing, and some stunning writing. check it out!!!
golden dawn: golden route that starts out at the prologue and completely reworks pre ts. i love the dmcl in this fic they’re so good. also has edeIeth if that’s something you do or do not enjoy, AND mind the chapter warnings if you have triggers
to this vow, i hold fast: this is a post azure moon arranged marriage fic and i adore it. probably everything abt it? there’s a lot of platonic affection in this fic which is really my jam in particular but i love how well dmcl is developed and how the extended cast is incorporated
#also i’m so strong i resisting the urge to self promote pls be proud of me </3#also i know i’m leaving some out but 😭 those are the ones i remember#if anyone else has any they wanna add just do <3#dmcl#ask
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can i ask for all of the 10?
alrighty *cracks knuckles* imma try my best
warning: lots of rambling under the cut
Merlin Interrupted
ok so i explained this wip in another ask but the short version is my OC, Nessa, has entered the playing field (Camelot/Albion) and shakes up the show's plot so much that now we got an early magic reveal, more intel on Morgana's descent, and a new antagonist
Things Dr. Geyer Notices
as i'm sure you've noted, i've been sort of venting about this fic bc i was originally intending (i swear, truly) for this fic to be a cute one-shot where over the span of season 4-6, David Geyer (Liam's stepdad) would begin to pick up on the crazy supernatural shit going on. HOW-EVER, i am 3 chapters deep (6.5k words) and only halfway through with this story.
*sighs* i am enjoying the fic tho. am i taking creative liberties by inventing my own love story/dynamic with David and Jenna? absolutely! and you would too for the sake of giving Liam the best parents ever. tbh i have more of the 2nd half of this fic imagined than the 1st half (which was why i assumed it would be shorter lol who'da thought?). very excited for when i get to the Wild Hunt 😈
The Heirloom
ok, uh, this one is my niche little Lockwood & Co x Teen Wolf (sort of but not really) x OC wip.
essentially, Lockwood & Co, a ghost hunting agency run by teens (and teens only. it makes sense in universe i promise) are hired by Nick Bennet (an OC i have for #9 and as you'll notice, i tend to recycle him and another OC for other wips) to find the source of his father-in-law's ghost so that the house/flat that belonged to his late wife.
it takes place some time in book 3 of Lockwood & Co because I wanted Holly included but also the drama of Lucy Carlyle's Talent issues (sixth sense thing only children and teens gain to see/hear ghosts). AND, i have Theo there who was adopted by Nick (this will make more sense after i explain #10) who shares the same Talent as Lucy (Hearing) and helps out our lovely band of ruffians.
however, as the gang continue to explore the house and its history, they find there's more that meets the eye. news articles are inconsistent about the life the late Lucy Bennet once lived and the relationship her had with her father. both Nick and Theo are partial to this necklace that once belonged to her, but they deny it having any connection to the house and its hauntings.
The Witch & the Knight
so this one is an og wip! what i've got so far is a alternate historical fantasy taking place in medieval France. premise is there's this celestial war (angels vs demons, a classic) headed by a Grim Reaper with their trusty gang that consists of a knight in shining armor and 2 witch sisters (one eager to fight the fight and the other trying to pull said eager sister away from the fight).
this wip is heavy in its themes, historical research, mythological research, worldbuilding....just, a very ambitious story.
i am using it for my final project in my english course bc it gives me the excuse to work on it, and flesh out more of my ideas and concepts. (the big one i'm currently fleshing out is the doomed romance subplot)
i have no intention of having this story be 1 novel. it's a series. i can feel it. the war itself in story will be 10 years and the slow burn both for platonic and romantic relationships is super fucking slow. i've written a couple snippets for this wip, but mostly, i'm still in the plotting and planning stage.
A Lucky Network
tis me batfam wip! it's a epistolary fic and jumps between outsider pov to simple 3rd pov and 2nd pov. it's got mystery, unreliable narrators, and all that jazz. i've got like 80% if this thing finished just the finale part is all i have left.
You have the fic's plot focus on 2 people, Nick and Lucy. Nick is our main pov guy (after Dick) who sort of is in the know about something involving Lucy, but we don't know why. Lucy is our center for all of this chaos. she's why Dick began this investigation into her actions. in the fic, she was taken in by Bruce about 3 or so years after Dick, lived through his angsty teen years, lived with baby jason, had to live with his death, and then have her own angsty arc.
there is like 1 batfam ship in the fic, so if that's not your cup of tea, totally fine! but i have lowkey forgotten to update it on ao3 consistently lol. i'll be sure to get back on that.
Basically Mob Boss Lucy
this is an og wip but taking a similar premise with #5, recycling my main 2 OCs from there (Nick & Lucy bc they're a packaged deal and married), and placing them in a Mob Boss setting. Lucy in this wip is not adopted by a kind and compassionate but is also emotionally constipated man; rather she gets taken in by some douche who saw her on the street and thought "this would get me so much charity points with the media!"
anyway, her life in this story is a lot different with #5 (for one, she's a lot colder and harsher when it comes to treating others that aren't in her inner circle and she's much more sadistic) but i love writing this wip bc i'm getting tired of redemption arcs. i wanna see a girl go batshit and fall into her corruption arc.
The Emrys Shrine
greatly inspired by this ask here
ok, listen: i know the fic i have for this says complete, but i do have a continuation in the works!!! it's in percival's pov and it's basically just him going "hmmmmm Merlin's acting pretty suspicious......"
Witch Boy
OK LISTEN: i know this one also complete when you go to Ao3, but that's just because the 3rd part is being fucking slOW, so i said "fuck it ends nice at ch2 anyway," but i do want to add more.
but yeah, to summarize: fic was inspired by a Halloween fanart i saw and i just ran with it.
A BBC Merlin Military AU Nobody Asked For
so i also already explained this one in another ask but basically it's semi-modern au with bbc merlin cast in the military. which military??? idk it's not important. what's important is that there's pining and hurt/comfort
Lucky's Timeline in Beacon Hills
this one....yeah, this is super self indulgent.
literally recycling Nick and Lucy (Lucky is their ship name bc i do do that with my OCs and there's is super cute) and throwing them into the Teen Wolf universe, and seeing how they'd fare in that world.
what i've got it like 5 different storylines i could take with this wip, but the main consensus is: Lucy adopts Theo, Nick sort of adopts the Puppy Pack bc he decided a coach was the safest job he could apply for and the school didn't ask him a lot of questions (he definitely raised his brows at that)
for this wip, Nick and Lucy originally came from my Lucky Network-verse (but like slightly to the left, meaning she wasn't adopted by Bruce in this verse, meaning i get to play with her being a tad more sadistic) and ended up in Beacon Hills bc teleportation magic run to its extreme can teleport you across dimensions!! who'da known!
but yeah, those are my 10! they are my babies, and i love them dearly. if you have anymore questions are just want to hear me ramble more, you (and anyone else interested) are free to shoot me an ask!
thank you babe for allowing me to just gush about them <3
#ask game#wip ask game#wip game#asks#my wips#my wip#my fics#long post#y'all are absolutely welcome to ask me for more details about this stuff#if given the chance i will not shut up about any of these#i restrain myself bc 1) breathing is a thing and 2) i would be even more annoying#thanks so the ask boo <3#bbc merlin#teen wolf#lockwood & co#original work
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playlist: hyssop (B-side)
10 years gone, all that's left is the knowledge that he was something great and powerful wielded by the hand of a woman even greater and more powerful
link to playlist on spotify
link to A-side post
1. Real Love Song (Alternative Version) by Nothing But Thieves
This is a dark song, real dark / Feral tear off your skin to the bone dark / I'll drink myself to death dark / Do anything to feel your breath on my neck dark
I wanted this entire playlist to have a sort of otherworldly, not quite right vibe to it, which is why I picked out this alt version with the weird fading instrumentals instead of the original.
As for the song in particular, this was the first one for the Forgotten playlist and I picked out because it has such a sense of desperate devotion. While I don't think that he ever had romantic feelings for Springwane, I like to imagine there was a kind of obsessive fealty. Like he would have done Anything if she asked, he didn't know how to think of himself if it wasn't in relation to her and what she needed from him, and he only wanted for her to recognize how truly committed he was.
2. Carrion Comfort by aeseaes
Bleeding a blundering mess / Beetles and worms in his chest / Sorry seeder, bottom feeder / Nipping at what ankle's left / All you wanted was a little taste / Won't let a single sinew go to waste
I really wanted a song that would get across the violence and destruction of the forest, the way it tears itself apart endlessly even without the Hunt in it. Those qualities have always enthralled and perhaps even inspired Hyssop, and this is a tribute to how the ranger fed the barbarian if you will.
3. Protect and Defend by Stuart Roslyn, Matt Founding, and Audiomachine
Another instrumental piece as a fight scene soundtrack, complement to Nemesis from A-side. While the other one is more cinematic and bold, this one's a bit more creeping and sinister for those good Unseelie vibes. Also the title is a bit of icing on the cake given that it's for his time as a court warrior.
4. The Howling by Within Temptation
We've been searching all night long / But there's no trace to be found / It's like they all have vanished / But I know they're around / I feel they're getting closer / Their howls are sending chills down my spine
Within Temptation sister song for Faster from A-side.
I know y'all really cute-ified the dogs but have you thought about how fucking terrifying it would be to get attacked by a pack of ghost dogs. POV you're getting fucking murdered by the floating top half of a wolf.
5. Wild Hunt by Alexander James Adams
Come, join the hunt for the fox running fast / We will ride in the front, you will take up the last / Through the night and the cold, through the mist without rest / Cursed by magic of old, you will never be blessed / Come and ride!
DM's pick.
6. Midnight by Radical Face
And I sank my teeth into your ribs / And drew out the blood that had turned on you / And left you to find your way back home
The literal meaning of this song is about a forest witch who cures a kid with leukemia and then has to skip town so they don't hunt her down and kill her. But I think maybe it could also be about an Unseelie queen taking in a lost young man desperate to be something and making him anew in her perfect violent image and then abandoning him.
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you are so fucking correct for your interpretation of the orgy dream and reading it was not only cathartic and validating but also enlightening. the themes of dennis being the glue of the gang carry on throughout the entire show so this reading makes a lot of sense, not to mention charlie’s unavailability is a rly underrated part of his character when ppl talk abt him imo (or maybe i’m just an aro charlie truther </3). i love unreliable narrators and getting more insight into the other characters/relationships from a one-sided pov, and we rarely get such an explicitly isolated perspective. and not to rehash old topics, but i think you handle fucked up subjects (particularly the family aspect of this) really well. it’s hard to ignore bc of how intrinsic they are (for lack of a better word) to understand these characters, but it’s hard to talk abt when ppl don’t want to discuss those topics for actual analysis reasons. the way dennis reacted to dee showing up did not come off as a freudian slip at all to me, i enjoy your interpretation of his feelings of entanglement in the gang so much more. so thank you as always for sharing your thoughts, it’s a relief hearing abt these things in a way that feels respectful to the characters
Danny I'm SO glad you also feel the same way about charlie's unavailability!! it does feel like such a major aspect of his character that often goes overlooked, i don't think it's just a matter of u being an aro charlie truther cuz i rlly do see that super clearly in his writing! even if rcg dont kno what the term aro means or used it to describe charlie, i think that's basically what they were aiming for. he is written to be a pretty romance-averse character for sure!!
It doesn't seem like Charlie rlly has any desire to be in a long-term romantic relationship with anyone. But the thing is that doesn't mean he is not an interesting and substantial character cuz he cannot be paired up with anyone. N that's why he's worked best within Sunny's framework... over time ppl wind up annoyed w all the other characters cuz they have Foresaken the Formula of not making the show all about love n relationships-- which is one of the whole metaphors of s15 and esp in the finale!
Charlie seems to really enjoy the chase and the reward aspects (i.e. stalking the waitress, getting the idea in s6 from Dee to berate someone n break them down repeatedly so they sleep with you, eventually getting to do just that and then get her in bed after all that time before subsequently ghosting her when she wanted to get serious afterward) ... like he is really the only one who has successfully "D.E.N.N.I.S."d a woman lol... cuz he truly enjoys the 'conquest' more than the love. but he really doesn't like the commitment in the long-term. Even aside from DDL, he has shown this pattern of behavior long before that.
Like I said... I really don't think Charlie wants to be in a relationship with anyone. But also why would he?? He's never had an example in his life of how a committed romantic relationship in itself could be fulfilling. And the love he did have growing up from his mother was smothering, or he was made uncomfortable and violated by people like his Uncle Jack. He does not have a great track record with this shit seemingly until having met Mac?? And in the end.. Charlie n Mac become less compatible over time as adults than they were as kids, cuz as they grow up-- Mac has that desire to 'settle down' n have a romantic relationship with someone, whereas Charlie still doesn't n hates that Mac is seemingly "betraying" him by pursuing that kind of connection w someone instead of their constant n typical ways of scheming. It's just like where Frank was at when we met him in s2. (I sense Sunny taking the Gruesome Twosome in a direction where Charlie will reach a point like where Frank was at in s2 ep1 where he needed a change ... but instead of getting a sort of 'route to somewhat-redemption' like Frank, he gets one that takes him down a worse path) I mean, after a certain point you do begin to wonder why someone like Frank would enjoy Charlie's company in the first place lololol.. N that is made even more apparent as soon as Mac comes out, the way Charlie's demeanor towards him turns more and more sardonic. But again that's what makes it compelling in the first place, cuz it's actually pretty honest and accurate. It's a very realistic depiction considering this group of people they're working with.
I grew up around a side of my family that had a very similar type of dysfunctional dynamic that had this core of fear that revolved around trying to gain the approval of one person who was 'at the top of the pyramid' so to speak.. n how that could manifest on different levels so all this shit is super interesting to me n I'm rlly flattered that u thought my reading was a sound explanation for their behavior!!
Cuz sometimes it rlly does feel like all I'm doing is projecting rather than being able to just take from those experiences n use them as a point of reference to make some sense of this group of fictional assholes' behavior, so it's reassuring n honestly rlly rewarding anytime someone else gains something from my reading of the gang. <3
Like that evidence of Charlie being turned off by the thought of being engaged in a romantic relationship is so present so again I also don't understand how it constantly gets ignored?? Charlie gets extremely stressed out by dealing with other people's feelings and emotions, which is basically the foundation of relationships .. the ability to express those things and not feeling shut off or being shamed for doing that! So tbh it feels sort of disingenuous for me to pretend like Charlie would be this overly tender and caring lover or whatever lol. Cuz that doesn't mean he is not still an interesting and entertaining character?? Charlie doesn't need to be a viable love interest to be interesting.
I mean.. He created one of the most fan-beloved episodes of all time by being calculating n manipulative about a relationship. He wrote the entirety of The Nightman Cometh just so he could try to paint himself as this ultimate tragic figure with a traumatizing childhood who Waitress should just accept... Like yeah, yeah, he's a piece of shit but be with the poor guy anyway cuz 'oh look his life was just Really hard so can't you show him a little sympathy??' n had to put her in a situation where he thought she might just feel pressured enough into accepting his proposal in front of a huge crowd... Like... He is a piece of shit but that's what this show is about and it has created some of the most iconic episodes n storylines within it so that doesn't discredit Charlie as being a good character for this show LOL.
Cuz the other thing that I like is.. Charlie is not the "bad guy" for not having romantic feelings for anyone... He's the "bad guy" cuz he chooses to be an asshole repeatedly, but it has nothing to do w any of that low empathy/lack of desire to have romantic relationships. cuz Mac n Dennis are two very sensitive/emotional ppl at their cores and both are capable of having a romantic, loving relationship n yet that doesn't inherently make them better people. They are still huge assholes like Charlie is in their own ways, and end up deciding to just be bad people... Together. How romantic. LMAO...
and i lov how throughout the narrative, Dennis has consistently made a series of bad decisions that have only contributed to Charlie feeling worse and more alienated from people all bc Dennis can't stop projecting his own emotional experiences onto Charlie (tho tbh i'd say all of the gang does this... as they all are def more emotional than Charlie on a pretty consistent basis). Dennis refuses to see the world through Charlie's own individual pov which prevents him from being able to analyze Charlie's behavior in any meaningful or substantial way or in a way that could've maybe genuinely helped him in time. (i.e. just sending Charlie off with another rat stick to keep bashing rats in King of the Rats instead of trying to help Charlie in any way that stopped him from doing the type of labor that was clearly creating this very serious issue in Charlie's psyche n was making him become more n more detached emotionally all cuz the gang didn't wanna be the ones who do the Charlie Work..)
Like it's all a very simple theme at its core! But it's presented in very realistic ways even thru these very fucked up and over-the-top, satirical characters n thats so interestingggg
#srry again im. rlly high im just rambling my ass off here#danny yr asks always just get my brain going KJNFKJGD#charlie kelly is such a GOOD FUCKIN CHARACTERRRR hes got DEPTH so much#n the gangs fucked up dynamic... could truly talk abt it for hours
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Silver Ghosts
[A Rick Flag fic]
On the first of each month, each member of GFS will write a drabble of 1k words or less based on a selected prompt and using a character played by Joel Kinnaman.
March 2022's prompt: The world was collapsing, and the only thing that mattered to him was that she was alive.
Masterlist other GFS projects
Tag(s) 16+ | mature language, descriptions of sex, first person Rick Flag POV, noire overtones, vague religious references, implied necromancy.
The world was collapsing, and the only thing that mattered to me was that she was alive.
Dubois was right, maybe I am whipped.
The year is 2015, just before I met June. Everyone in the world is obsessed with Capes– all excitement and not enough fear. And I was supposed to be running black ops missions to hunt felony committing metahumans for capture.
I was never meant to be here.
Here. Champagne and an indoor hot tub, our shoes littered on the clean, carpeted floor. She tugs on the ends of my loose bow tie to pull me into another kiss, not caring that her $2,000 dress was soaked through. She'd steal another one, a better one.
My hand caresses the back of her head to pull her deeper into me. She always wants to be close and I always need her closer. I had pulled her into the jacuzzi knowing come daylight, she'd be gone without a trace again just like always.
Damn that woman...
Breaking the kiss, I can feel her smile against my lips as she whispers, "can you use those handcuffs on me tonight, Colonel?"
She knows I love it when she calls me that. My pants are tight and it's not just the water making them so. When we fuck, it's slow and sensual. Every sigh that falls from her lips is soft, sometimes it's my name or a curse, and she doesn't mention that the fingers of my right hand are tangled in her bound ones. When I spill my seed inside her welcoming warmth, I cannot hold back those three little words that terrified me the most.
"I love you," I breathe into her neck. I roll my hips harder as I come down from my high and say, "I love you darlin'", over and over again.
She doesn't say it back, but I was sick with love and thought she meant it when she wrapped her legs around my hips after. I was such a hopeless fool back then.
I didn't see her again after that.
For years after my failure to capture, Waller never stopped wanting her. "She could be the single greatest asset this country has ever seen."
Magic users were our greatest allies in the purely hypothetical dogfight that Waller expected from Superman, who most considered a god amongst men. But my part in her life? That was over. I searched and I searched under the pretense of imprisonment at Belle Reve, but I never got close to her again.
Always one step behind.
We both learned about each other during our time together. If she didn't want to be caught… then she simply would not be. It was a fool's errand we were after. She was powerful beyond limitation and could not sit still long enough to trap physically or emotionally.
I tell myself I wish I had just another chance, but even while I was with Dr. Moon, I knew my idiot heart would have told her I still loved her all over again.
It is 2021 when I realize just how stupid I've been. Waller's back up plan stabs me in the heart with a piece of ceramic tile and looks like he's going to cry doing it. I'm on my back bleeding out. I can feel every desperate and frantic pump of my heart like a feral animal trying to claw its way out of my ribcage and it hurts.
The last thoughts on my mind are not of giant alien starfishes and corpsified Corto Maltesian children. They are of her and what could have been if she had just let down her walls and admit she loved me back. Did I ever truly think she would? I realize I never knew fantasy from reality when it came to her.
I have no idea how much time has passed. All I know is the taste of copper and ash like dirt in my cottonmouth and a sharp ache over my heart. My lungs burn as they gasp for air and the world is dark grey around me. I cannot move my arms nor feel my legs except for a cold chill that creeps in on me. I have never in all my ears been so afraid. I am buried alive in what I can only surmise as rubble.
When I try to scream, nothing but a troubling, quiet wheeze escapes. I try again, this time something like a pained grunt escapes. But who would hear me from my grave?
There's ringing in my ears that decrescendos into the sound of shifting rock and something else. It sounds like voices from so far away and it stupidly gives me hope. I try to scream again but I can't– despite my desire to live, I have not the strength to beg for it, so I pray instead. It is the first time since my childhood I remember believing someone could hear me.
I feel a weight lifted off of me. For a moment I believe I have died again as bright light spills over sensitive eyes, but the pain of breathing and seeing and being is too great and too familiar to be of heaven or hell. I can hear shouting but it's muffled like an ocean lives between myself and them, all I can make out is my name.
Rick. Rick. Rick.
I do not realize how cold my skin is until I feel warm hands on my face, each like a caress from the summer sun that makes your skin tingle. Something bumps my nose, something brushes my cheeks, something blocks the blinding light all around me. I open my eyes just a bit and see her.
The world was collapsing, and the only thing that mattered to me was that she was alive. I croak her name hoarsely.
"I love you," I say, "I'm sorry…"
I have so much to tell her that I'm not even sure what exactly I'm trying to apologize for.
In return, she shakes her head, tears pouring down her beautiful face as she replies and her voice is sweeter than any church choir and stronger than any hurricane, earthquake, or tsunami combined.
"You're not allowed to die, Colonel."
And where she wills, the grass bends and the wind whips and the mountains bow. If she commands it, the universe obeys. So I will not die, at least, not today.
#three bees writing#black reader insert#rick flag x reader#rick flag x female reader#gfs drabble prompt#colonel Rick flag
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