‘✷’ : CHAPTER ELEVEN “we're destined”
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chapter word count: 7.8k+ (it's a beast of a chapter but i'm not sorry at all)
chapter warnings: curse words, alcohol, kissing, mildly unsafe activites (don't sit on rooftops while kissing y'all)
summary: "lately, seokmin had come to a realisation. joshua hong, seokmin thought, was a little bit of an enigma." - in which seokmin has known joshua for years, but he's always been a bit of a mystery to him. and as the days go by, he finds himself falling further and further for the enigmatic man, wanting to find out who the real Joshua Hong is behind his polite smiles and warm eyes and sweet words.
notes: cries,,, last chapter :'') okok you're all probably eager to read how this ends but i want to take a moment to say thank you so so much. all of your comments and notes mean sooo so much to me and im truly so glad to have had u on this journey! hope to see you again in any more things i might write <3
Joshua was definitely in love with Seokmin.
It was a fact of his life, at this point, something objectively true that Joshua had tucked away in his heart, that he constantly carried around with him but never, ever said out loud.
He never had need to, before. Not when Seokmin hadn’t remembered who he was, when they’d been nothing more than polite friends connected by a mutual friend and nothing more. There would have been no point in admitting his feelings if Seokmin hadn’t seen him with at least a certain degree of fondness first.
But now, they’d gotten closer, and it was getting harder and harder to hide.
It felt uncomfortable to hide something from Seokmin. His heart and mind protested, wondering why on earth he was hiding from the most important person in the world to him. His throat burned, sometimes, burned with the confession aching to leave his lips, with the want to whisper out a soft “I’m in love with you” to relieve the pain in his own heart.
It was a selfish want, though. A want to prevent his own self from hurting. And that was the only reason Joshua held it back: he didn’t want Seokmin to feel uncomfortable. Didn’t want to force his feelings onto him.
But being so close to Seokmin was making it more difficult to keep it in.
Seokmin, with his bright smiles and bright voice and bright heart, with his great capacity for loving and being loved. Seokmin, who was warmer than the Sun’s rays, who was more magnetic than the largest star, who demanded Joshua’s full attention wherever they were and whenever they met—which he always gave, willingly, eagerly.
Seokmin was made to be loved. To be cherished, admired, adored.
And Joshua really, really wanted to be the one to love him.
There was a knock at the music office door, then, and Joshua pulled himself out of his reverie to see Seokmin wavering in the doorway, wearing a neat dress shirt with his blazer hanging over his arm. His hair was done up all nicely, too, soft bangs parted in a way which was both parts dashing and adorable, and Joshua smiled and beckoned him in.
“Hello,” he greeted as Seokmin stepped over to his desk. “Why are you here? The concert’s going to start soon.”
“I know,” Seokmin said, and then beamed. “I came to wish you good luck, of course! Or is it break a leg? Does that apply to music, or is it just theatre?” He pondered for a second, before shaking his head and beaming again. “Anyways, I’m here to wish you good luck!”
Joshua smiled, chuckling a little. “Thank you, Seokmin. You could’ve texted me, though. We have each other’s numbers, you know,” he pointed out, and Seokmin groaned, embarrassed.
“I’m gonna keep apologising until the end of time for that, hyung. I can’t believe I forgot,” Seokmin whined sadly. “But I wanted to come see you! I haven’t seen you since lunch,” he said, pouting a little, “and it’s already evening. So I wanted to see you for a bit before the concert starts.”
“Aw, you missed me that much, did you?” Joshua said teasingly, and then smiled. “Well, thank you for coming. To wish me good luck, and also to the concert. You really didn’t have to.”
Seokmin pffted, shaking his head rapidly. It made his hair fall into his eyes, and he brushed the strands away with a finger, not noticing the way Joshua’s eyes followed the delicate movement. “Wasn’t gonna miss it for the world, hyung. The others would’ve come, too, but who knew that private school music concert tickets are actually expensive?”
He sounded truly baffled by that, and Joshua laughed.
“So I’m here as a substitute for our entire friend group,” Seokmin carried on, beaming. “When you see me in the seats, just imagine that it’s all twelve of us cheering our Shua hyung on.”
“Thank you, Seokmin,” Joshua said, patting Seokmin’s elbow. “It means a lot to me.” You mean a lot to me.
Seokmin blinked, and then smiled, shy and sparkly all at once. “Of course!” he chirped, and then grinned so wide that his eyes turned into little crescents.
It was horribly endearing. God, Joshua was so in love with him.
Seokmin opened his mouth again, looking like he was about to say something else before he promptly changed his mind, snapping his mouth shut and giving Joshua a smile. “Anyways, good luck out there! You’re going to do great.”
Before Joshua had time to say anything else, Seokmin leaned forward and pressed a fast kiss to his forehead before promptly zooming out of the office, leaving the door swinging open on its hinges.
Joshua gaped after him, left reeling as he tried to process what had just happened.
His face was curiously warm, and he touched his head in slight wonder, replaying the faint pressure of Seokmin’s lips over and over again in his mind.
And then, slowly, a smile spread across his face, something bright and golden blooming in his chest.
In all his years that Seokmin had been teaching at this school, he’d never come to see the music concerts before.
Well.
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He never really had any need to. He was friendly with the music teachers, and he had students who took Music, but he’d never had a truly compelling reason to come to these. They started in the evening and lasted for a good few hours, after all. As much as he loved his students, Seokmin did kind of enjoy his sleep.
But now, here he was, sitting in the front row of seats reserved for teachers, listening to the entire concert and waiting for a certain someone to appear.
The a cappella group finished, and Seokmin clapped politely, looking down at the concert programme in his lap. The senior choir would be appearing in just three more acts. The last performance before the interval.
“They’re good, aren’t they?” a voice said in Seokmin’s ear, and he turned to look at the teacher sitting next to him.
“I’m sorry?” Seokmin blinked, before realising that the teacher was referring to the a cappella group. “Oh, yes. They’re very talented.”
The teacher regarded him for a moment, before smiling. The next performance (a string quartet?) walked onto the stage and began to set up to a round of applause. “You’re here for someone specific,” the teacher observed wisely, still smiling.
Seokmin smiled back, not sure whether to admit it or not. There were a decent amount of teachers here: the headmaster and deputy head had an obligation to come, of course, but the entire first row had been reserved for any other teachers that wanted to come, and it was decently filled. He was sure that most of them were here simply to support all the students, and he could group himself with them too.
Before he had a chance to say so, however, the teacher’s smile turned knowing.
“Mr. Hong, I presume?” he said, and Seokmin flushed so fast that it had the teacher laughing. The string quartet started playing, then, and any protest that Seokmin was attempting to form promptly melted away.
Because, well. He really was only here for Joshua.
Joshua, who he was in love with.
Joshua, who loved him too.
The string quartet soon finished, and then there was a flute solo, and then was the symphony orchestra before finally, finally, it was time for the senior choir, and Seokmin was well aware of how he visibly perked up as Joshua and the choir walked out on stage.
He raised his head, wide eyes hopefully following Joshua’s movements, hoping to catch his eye and show him that Seokmin was here, that he was watching, that he was so, so proud of Joshua even though they hadn’t even done anything yet.
And, to his utmost joy, Joshua’s eyes flicked down to meet his own for a brief second, smiling slightly before he promptly turned back to his choir. Seokmin beamed, delighted, relaxing back into his seat. Even the slightest glance was enough for him.
He watched with comfortable excitement as the applause died down, as Joshua raised his baton, and the opening notes of the piece rang through the air.
It was something in Spanish—a love song, if Seokmin was to believe the information printed into his concert programme—filled with rich harmonies and dramatic swells in volume that had Seokmin’s heart leaping wonderfully in his chest. He didn’t understand a word, but it was beautiful all the same, and the music washed over him as waves and waves of warmth and love.
As he watched Joshua, however, those waves smoothed into rosy pink silk, spinning tendrils of silver threads into the air and threading delicately around Joshua’s form, sparkling and soft all at once. The music teacher was fully immersed in the music, focused on bringing in the various voices whenever they were needed, keeping the pulse and helping the music flow smoothly.
And as Joshua conducted, the silk waved more enthrallingly around him, like a rippling, gentle aura of notes and music and sounds, completely entrancing Seokmin's very soul.
They sang three pieces, and then came the interval, and the auditorium abruptly became so filled with parents attempting to leave to get refreshments and children coming barreling in to ramble about their performances, so Seokmin thought it would be best to stay in his seat until the stampede subsided.
When the choir finished, he clapped the loudest out of the entire audience.
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After the choir’s performance, the rest of the night was a blur to Seokmin.
He wanted to see Joshua, to tell him how well he did, how beautiful Seokmin had thought the entire thing was.
His ears burned as he remembered how Joshua had looked up on the stage, like the master painter of the most beautifully coloured sounds in the world, and he grinned giddily.
As it was, however, by the time the crowd died down, it was time for the second half of the concert to begin, and so Seokmin didn’t get to see Joshua until right at the end, once all the parents were filing out of the auditorium, collecting their children in the foyer before finally exiting the school, leaving the exhausted music teachers behind.
“Shua hyung!”
The moment Joshua emerged from the auditorium doors, stepping into the hallway, Seokmin came bounding up to him and engulfed him in a hug.
Joshua’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden hug, before his face melted into a laugh, arms automatically reaching around Seokmin to balance him even as he stumbled back a little, while Seokmin continued to bounce happily in his hold.
“You did so, so well!” Seokmin gushed as he pulled away, arms still slung over Joshua’s neck. “Oh, it was so gorgeous, hyung. I loved the entire performance.”
“I’m glad you did,” Joshua said, eyes crinkling, hands resting comfortably around Seokmin’s back. “The children worked so hard.”
“You worked so hard too,” Seokmin said earnestly. Then his eyes widened. “I should’ve brought a bouquet of flowers, or something!” He pouted, disappointed at his lack of forethought. “Damn. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before.”
Joshua chuckled, gently extricating himself from Seokmin’s embrace before linking their fingers together instead, walking down the hallway and out into the foyer.
“Next time,” Joshua said, smiling. “You can do that next time.”
The head of the Music department was lingering in the foyer, helping tidying everything up, and when she caught sight of Joshua, she nodded in greeting, straightening.
“Joshua-ssi! Well done for tonight,” she said, walking over and shaking Joshua’s hand. “You did well with the choir.”
“Thank you,” he said, laughing. “It’s nothing compared to everything that you’ve done tonight. Thank you for organising this event for the school.”
“Oh, it’s all part of my job,” she said, waving a hand. She looked over at Seokmin and finally seemed to take note of their interlocked hands, her smile turning knowing. “Well, I won’t keep you. Have a safe trip home, you two.”
With one last smile at the two teachers, she turned around and resumed wheeling the standing chimes back to the Music department.
Seokmin watched her, tilting his head. “Why do I get the feeling she thinks we live together?”
Joshua chuckled. “She probably does,” he said, tugging Seokmin’s hand gently, leading them out of the school and into the cool night air. “I leave work with you every day, so it’s a reasonable conclusion.”
Seokmin looked over at Joshua, took in the relaxed, calm expression on his face, the way his hair ruffled slightly in the breeze. Joshua automatically pulled their intertwined hands into his coat pocket, keeping Seokmin's easily-frozen fingers protected from the cold.
Seokmin smiled, facing forward again. “I guess so.”
He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen this before, how Joshua had been in love with him for so long. Now he could see how endearingly obvious it was, and it made it hard to keep his face from breaking out into a ridiculous grin every time he remembered.
How many times had Joshua caught his eye over a crowd of students? How many times had Joshua casually interlaced their fingers as they walked? How many times had Joshua watched him with gentle eyes while Seokmin rambled to him?
For how long had Joshua been loving him quietly, softly, sweetly, just like this?
It was kind of insane, Seokmin mused, feeling himself flushing shyly at the mere memories. Insane that he was loved in such a way, by someone he loved just as much too. And to think, he’d been loved like this all this time, and he’d only just realised it now.
“I really liked the first piece the choir sang, hyung,” Seokmin chirped as they walked to the bus stop. “The Spanish one?”
“Oh, really?” Joshua said, smiling. “You liked it?”
“Yeah!” Seokmin hummed the melody, singing part of the refrain that repeated over and over. “That part where they all split into those different harmonies and they did that thing where the high part sang really high?” He attempted to imitate what he remembered, voice warbling and echoing in the quiet of the evening, high pitched and a little squeaky.
Joshua laughed, squeezing Seokmin’s hand slightly. “Yeah, I get what you mean. It’s a really nice piece. Did you know, the composer wrote it for someone special?”
Seokmin stopped his warbling to tilt his head as they neared the stop, automatically sitting down as they waited for the bus. It was routine, simple and natural, for him to press closer into Joshua’s side, like he belonged there.
“Let me guess, his wife?” Seokmin suggested, but Joshua shook his head.
“His best friend,” Joshua said, smiling. “He said that the love he held for his best friend went beyond mere words, and could only be captured in something more abstract and… fervent. Like a song.”
Seokmin’s mouth fell open, and he awwed. “That’s so sweet.” He laughed a little, bumping Joshua’s side. “Hey, you should write a song for Jeonghan hyung.”
Joshua scrunched his nose playfully. “That brat? Never. He’s nothing but a nuisance.”
That made Seokmin laugh, head falling against Joshua’s shoulder, and above him, Joshua's smile widened.
“Oh, the bus is here,” Joshua said, and Seokmin lifted his head up.
They stood up, and Joshua let go of his hand to reach for his card. It was decently empty in the bus, which was to be expected since it was rather late in the evening, and Seokmin shuffled into a seat by the window, Joshua next to him. Once they were seated, their fingers interlaced once more, and Seokmin desperately tried to dampen the flush that spread across his cheeks as Joshua’s warm palm pressed against his own.
“Anyway, hyung,” Seokmin said as the bus began moving again, “tell me what you were up to! What were you doing the entire afternoon?”
Joshua shrugged. “Nothing interesting, really.”
“Tell me still,” Seokmin said, squeezing Joshua’s hand. “I wanna know!”
Joshua glanced over at him, and his eyes softened, positively glowing under the bright lights of the bus. “Okay.”
And he did, and Seokmin listened attentively, paying such fervent attention to every word that fell from Joshua’s lips. He liked hearing him talk, liked listening to Joshua recount his day’s events in that satin soft voice of his. It was captivating, almost, like Joshua had this ability to entrance his very soul with his warm eyes and warm voice and warm smiles. Make Seokmin fall more and more in love with him with each passing second.
Like a real Aphrodite.
Before long, Joshua finished telling Seokmin about his day, and the conversation deviated from there, their animated conversation filling the otherwise cold silence of the bus until they finally reached their stop, getting off and beginning to walk.
“—and she’s been climbing the stairs in crutches the entire time,” Seokmin said, shaking his head. “I was horrified. I told her that we have, like, three different elevators in this school that she could use instead, and she looked at me like she was the one who was most horrified.”
Joshua chuckled as they turned a corner and began walking down the street to his and Jeonghan’s house. “I admire her and her iron will to get up those stairs. It’s hard.”
“And really dangerous,” Seokmin said, eyebrows furrowing with worry. “I don’t know how she did it. It’s a miracle she hadn't injured herself more.”
“Well, I’m glad you pointed her in the direction of the elevators,” Joshua said. “That could have been disastrous if she’d kept going.”
Seokmin nodded vigorously. “It really could have.”
They had reached Joshua’s house now, the lights in the windows indicating that Jeonghan was still up and about. Joshua stood in front of the gate, and his hand was still in Seokmin’s. They’d held hands the entire way home. A record, Seokmin noticed with a slight smile. Neither of them had shied away halfway through.
“Well, this is me,” Joshua said with a smile. He lightly brushed his thumb over Seokmin’s knuckles before letting go of his hand, stepping back. “Thank you for coming today, Seokmin. It means a lot to me.”
Seokmin beamed. “Of course, hyung! I told you, I wasn’t gonna miss it for the world.” He smiled again, softer this time. “You were amazing, too. You did so well.”
“Thank you,” Joshua said, and then ducked his head, almost shy. “I’m glad you think so.”
“Of course I think so. You’re the most amazing person in the world to me.”
Seokmin blinked, surprised at the way his inner thoughts had somehow managed to make their way past his lips. Nevertheless, he just grinned, because it didn’t make his words any less true.
“Anyways, off you go,” Seokmin said before Joshua could say anything else. “Shoo, hyung. Go and get your sleep. It’s a Friday tomorrow, and we still have work.”
Joshua pulled a face at that. “I can’t believe we still have work.” He pushed the gate open, giving a small wave to Seokmin. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Seokmin nodded with a big smile, and Joshua gave him a big, sweet smile in return, full of lilac fondness and silvery, satiny love.
Wow.
Joshua really did love him.
“Shua hyung,” Seokmin called out suddenly, leaning against the gate. Joshua, walking down the path to his front door, stopped and turned around at Seokmin’s voice, walking a few steps back towards him.
It was dark, but Joshua’s eyes were bright, attentive. “Seokmin?”
Seokmin swallowed, heart hammering in his throat.
I like you.
The words were on the tip of his tongue, sugary soft and melting, sweetening his entire being, and Joshua was looking at him with such a warm gaze, gilded gold and open and real and he wanted nothing more than to give Joshua the entirety of his heart.
But… no. It didn’t feel quite right to say those words. Not yet, at least.
So Seokmin shook his head, smiling.
“Nothing,” he said. “Just well done for tonight, hyung. I’m so glad I came.”
And it really was dark, but Seokmin could see how Joshua both softened and brightened at his words.
“I’m glad you came too,” he returned, giving another smile before waving. “Goodnight, Seokmin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You ditched us,” Seungkwan accused, standing with his arms crossed in the hallway as Seokmin opened the door, making the apartment owner yelp.
Seokmin watched him go, still clutching onto the gate, his head and heart spinning in delighted circles, three words and eight letters echoing in his mind.
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“What are you doing here?” Seokmin asked, clutching his chest, having genuinely gotten a fright from seeing Seungkwan looming like a foreboding shadow in his hall.
Seungkwan shook his head, arms still crossed, but the frown on his face had melted into a pout that was more adorable than intimidating. “Cause you ditched us!”
Seokmin laughed, albeit a little confusedly, taking off his shoes and coat and gently holding Seungkwan’s shoulders, manoeuvring the younger man so he could walk past him. “Where’s hyung?” Seokmin asked as Seungkwan trailed after him into the kitchen, still grumbling about how Seokmin had abandoned them.
“Soonyoung hyung’s in his room,” Seungkwan said. “He’s moping ‘cause you ditched us.��
“I went to my school’s concert to support my students,” Seokmin corrected, downing a glass of water before walking out of the kitchen, Seungkwan still following him like a little puppy. “Plus, I only ditched Soonyoung, didn’t I? How did I ditch you too?”
He knocked on Soonyoung’s bedroom door and opened it to find the elder sitting on the floor, bent over one of their 1000+ piece puzzles that they kept buying and regretting after because both of them were terrible at puzzles. He’d never seen Soonyoung actually try completing them before.
“You ditched both of us,” Soonyoung said, frowning intensely down at the jigsaw pieces. “Seungkwan was due to come over tonight, remember?”
“Yeah,” Seungkwan said, pouting as he bounced onto Soonyoung’s bed. “But you ditched us for some guy.”
Seokmin shook his head, crouching down next to Soonyoung to look down at his puzzle too. “I didn’t ditch you for some guy, though,” he pointed out, picking up a puzzle piece and trying and failing to fit it into the meagre section that Soonyoung had successfully filled. “Shua hyung’s our friend, not just some guy.”
From Soonyoung’s bed came a muffled huff. Seungkwan had wrapped himself up in Soonyoung’s blankets, almost suffocating himself in the amount of tiger plushies on the elder’s bed.
“We were still ditched.”
“I apologise,” Seokmin said, tilting his head in confusion as he looked at the puzzle pieces and the picture on the back of the box. “The concert went well, by the way. I had fun. Thanks for asking.”
“Right, how did your boyfriend’s concert go?” Soonyoung asked flatly, before abruptly pushing away the puzzle pieces, grumbling in annoyance at how difficult it was before flopping onto his bed, squashing Seungkwan’s legs and making the younger man yelp.
Seokmin didn’t even bat an eye, used to their antics, and scratched his head, mildly confused. “Shua hyung’s not my boyfriend.”
“He should be,” Soonyoung responded from where he was still lying on Seungkwan. “Hey, Kwan, don’t you think they fit together so well?”
“What, those jigsaw pieces?” Seungkwan said, struggling to kick Soonyoung off him. “No. I didn’t wanna say anything, but you suck at puzzles, hyung.”
“What? No. I meant Seokmin and Joshua hyung.”
“Oh!” Seungkwan’s eyes lit up at that, and he finally managed to shove Soonyoung away, sitting up. His eyes gleamed as he grinned at Seokmin, who was still crouching next to the failed jigsaw puzzle, looking up at them confusedly.
He tilted his head, looking Seokmin up and down, before nodding his head resolutely.
“They kinda look like they’re destined.”
Seokmin let out a surprised laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Soonyoung didn’t seem confused by Seungkwan’s statement, and just nodded vigorously. “Totally agreed. They kinda balance each other out, you know?”
“Yeah! But they’re both really lovely and infuriating.”
“Exactly! The lovely hyung and the lovely dongsaeng.”
“They’re perfect.”
“Literally meant to be.”
“Divined by the fates.”
Seokmin shook his head, standing up and holding a hand out to stop them. “Wha—what are you talking about?” His cheeks were red, and it was actually kind of embarrassing how flustered he became at the mere idea of him and Shua hyung even though they were teasing. “You guys are literally the worst, you know.”
Seungkwan tsked, wagging a finger. “Look at this, you’re lashing out. We’re just telling you the truth.”
“We are,” Soonyoung agreed, nodding gravely. “This is why you should stop being a chicken and confess.”
“Alas, he can’t do that,” Seungkwan added on with faux sadness, and Seokmin wondered yet again why he was friends with them. They still hadn’t asked him properly how the concert went, either. Seokmin was planning to sulk extravagantly over that later. “If only he knew that his beloved Shua hyung is in l—”
A hand shot out and slapped over Seungkwan’s mouth, muffling his next words, and Soonyoung not-so subtly glared over at the younger. Seokmin paused, tilting his head, the cogs turning in his mind as a slow smile spread over his face.
“That my beloved Shua hyung is in love with me too?” Seokmin finished, smiling wider. He stood up and leapt onto Soonyoung’s bed, making them all bounce up and down. “I knew that already.”
Soonyoung’s eyes grew comically wide. Seungkwan’s mouth fell open, getting saliva all over Soonyoung’s hand and making the elder snatch back his hand in disgust.
“You knew?” Seungkwan said, voice shaky.
“Yeah?” Seokmin adjusted himself on the bed, crossing his legs comfortably. “I’m not as dumb as you think.”
A grin spread across Seungkwan’s face, and he slapped Soonyoung’s knee while crowing delightedly, loud and triumphant. “I didn’t think you were dumb, but hyung did! Gimme all your money, Soonyoung hyung, I told you he’d be able to figure it out.”
Seokmin’s eyes widened. “You made another bet?” he asked, as Soonyoung grumbled at Seungkwan and promised to get his wallet later. He put a hand over his chest, dramatically hurt. “I can’t believe you’d make such hurtful assumptions about my intelligence. Did you forget that I have a master’s degree?”
“Soonyoung hyung forgot. I didn’t,” Seungkwan declared proudly, while Soonyoung huffed and shoved the younger’s shoulder.
“Yeah, but you also had too much faith in how long it’d take Seok to realise his own feelings,” Soonyoung pointed out. “He was more than a year later than your prediction.”
“Oh yeah, about that,” Seokmin interjected before they started arguing again. “Why did you make that bet in the first place? Shua hyung and I weren't even close friends over a year ago.”
Instantly, Seungkwan’s head whipped upwards, and his eyes were a light with mischief as he leaned forward. “My dearest Seokmin hyung, if only you knew how much evidence there was. Whenever we have Game Night, when you get drunk enough, you'll spend half an hour just staring at Joshua hyung in the corner. You always ask Jeonghan hyung where Joshua hyung is when the guy comes to your apartment ‘cause he's bored. And Soonyoung hyung said that you've admitted that you think Joshua hyung is the prettiest out of our friend group more than a hundred times.”
Soonyoung mouthed along to the end of Seungkwan's mini speech, nodding at Seokmin's speechless face. “It's true. I think you've always had this small crush on him.”
“No I haven't,” Seokmin said, reddening. “I—Don't you think Shua hyung's really pretty? And I don't stare at him,” he added, frowning. “I just—he's just… pretty.”
Soonyoung and Seungkwan blinked up at him.
“Look at him, you've made him defensive,” Soonyoung said in Seungkwan's direction.
“Me? You joined in too!”
“Oh, so it's my fault?”
“Hey! Why are you placing blame in the first place?”
Seokmin shook his head as the two of them descended into bickering again, massaging his temples. The tiredness was catching up with him, having spent a full day at work and most of his evening at the concert only to come back to his two friends arguing about who had or hadn’t underestimated his intelligence. Sometimes, he felt like the mother to two unruly children.
“Alright, kids, I’m going to bed,” he said, getting up from Soonyoung’s bed. “Don’t stay up too late ‘cause we all have work tomorrow. Brush your teeth properly. I also almost confessed to Shua hyung today. Goodnight.”
With that, he zoomed out to his own bedroom as Soonyoung’s room exploded into a cacophony of noise, both of them crying out in outrage.
“What do you mean almost?”
“Get back out there and confess to him properly!”
Seokmin laughed as there was the thundering sound of footsteps, hurriedly shutting his bedroom door. It wouldn’t stave them off for long, and within seconds they’d be bursting into his room, demanding an explanation for what he’d just said, but he took a few seconds to smile widely to himself, giddy and delighted at how fervently (and kind of aggressively) his friends supported him.
“And then Jeonghan hyung said—very politely, very professionally—‘Sir, what the fuck is wrong with you?’” Seungkwan was saying, exaggerated accent and all, and everyone descended into shrieks of laughter, falling into each other across the floor of Jeonghan and Joshua's living room.
It sure was nice to be in love.
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Seokmin laughed too, head tilted back, because even though the story had been told countless times over the years, it never failed to make him laugh.
“And then he shortened the deadline,” Seokmin added in through his own snorts of laughter, and mimicked the look of utter horror that had been on Jeonghan's face when they received the email.
Jeonghan, pink with laughter, had his mug of beer precariously in one hand and when he shrugged, it spilled onto the armrest of the couch he was perched on. “Our professor was crazy as shit,” he said, laughing. “Who gives their students only five days to write a four-page analysis paper on Frankenstein?”
“And because of hyung's comment, we ended up only having three,” Seungkwan squeaked, barely able to breathe, and everyone descended into laughter again.
It was Game Night once more, and Seokmin always found himself marvelling at how quickly everything devolved away from the night's original purpose of, well, playing games.
Seokmin’s head was pounding a little, but his mind was clear, having had merely a mug of beer when he'd arrived at Jeonghan's house some hours ago. His own voice rang in his ears as he yelled additional details for the new story Seungkwan was telling. The younger then accidentally slapped Soonyoung across the face with his hands and Seokmin roared with laughter, slumping back against the couch, the floor cold underneath him, Chan’s knee digging into his back.
That was when he looked over at Joshua, sitting there on the floor a little ways opposite him, smiling.
Huh.
Seokmin felt a strange sense of deja vu, reminded of one Game Night many, many months ago, much like the one he was living through right now. The one where he'd first realised the enigma that was their Joshua hyung.
The one that started it all.
“Shua hyung,” Seokmin called out, and almost instantly, Joshua looked up at him, as if he'd attuned himself to the specific sound of Seokmin's voice.
With a smile, the elder beckoned him over, and it took a bit of awkward butt-shuffling on Seokmin's part, but soon he was sitting comfortably next to Joshua, the two of them watching the chaos unfold before them in the living room.
“Hello,” Joshua said, smiling. “How are you?”
The echoing of Joshua's words from long ago made Seokmin chuckle, nudging his shoulder against Joshua's. “You don't sound very drunk, hyung.”
He chuckled. “Well, Jeonghan looks absolutely wasted, and we need at least one sober person to clean the mess after you guys leave.”
“Ah.” Seokmin grinned at Joshua's words, almost an exact copy from that one Game Night long ago. He could feel his face stretching into a smile, big and wide and he just thought it was so cool that they both understood that this was a situation they'd lived through before. That makes sense.”
There was a brief respite in conversation between the two, and Soonyoung’s voice filtered through. He looked like he was trying some sort of interpretive dance in the middle of the room again, and Hansol was lying dead on the floor, again, and Seokmin wanted to laugh at the craziness of how everything was exactly the same as that first Game Night.
He yelled out to them, hands cupped over his mouth that someone was gonna get hurt, adding to the general cacophony.
“You don’t sound like you’re going to help them, though,” Joshua said, teasing and soft all at the same time, once Seokmin took his hands away from his mouth.
Seokmin beamed. “Nope! Why would I?”
That made Joshua laugh, and the room was so noisy, but his laugh was clear, transparent and twinkling in Seokmin's ears.
They sat there comfortably side by side, neither of them saying a word. Joshua sipped water from his wine glass, and Seokmin's eyes couldn't help but flick over to him from time to time, marvelling at just how effortlessly pretty Joshua was at all times.
It had always been obvious, even before Seokmin had realised he was in love with him. Joshua had been someone untouchable, elusive and enigmatic and endlessly pretty. Seokmin had always thought he was pretty, thought he was someone that people would definitely fall in love with.
Like an Aphrodite. Like a Venus.
Huh. Maybe he'd been destined to love Joshua all along.
So as he looked over at Joshua, he took in the soft curl of his lips, the gentle slope of his nose, the fondness in his eyes at he gazed out at the rest of their friend group, before Joshua turned his head to look at him, and that fondness melted, dissolving into something warmer, sweeter.
Oh.
Seokmin had almost forgotten that Joshua loved him too.
“Hey, Seokmin,” Joshua said softly, and suddenly he was all up in Seokmin’s personal space, lips close to his ear so he could hear him properly. Yet again, Seokmin had a strange sense of deja vu at this scenario.
Only, Joshua's next words were different.
Seokmin poked his head above the open skyline window, blinking wide-eyed as Joshua sat down on the roof tiles.
Joshua smiled, eyes sparkling. “It’s too noisy here. Do you wanna join me on the roof?”
───────────── ‘✷,
“Hello,” Joshua said, when Seokmin didn’t move and continued to stare over at him. He patted the tiles next to him, beckoning Seokmin to come sit next to him. “What are you doing over there?”
“I’ve never seen your roof before,” Seokmin said, and his tone was so earnest that Joshua smiled at the oddity of it.
“I would’ve been a little concerned if you’ve seen my roof before,” he replied, as Seokmin swung his legs over the window frame, shuffling awkwardly across the roof tiles to where he was sitting.
Seokmin laughed, settling at Joshua’s side, wordlessly reaching over and holding his hand. “I guess so.” He craned his neck upwards, looking up at the sky. It was a peaceful night, and the faint echoes of their friends screaming downstairs were almost nonexistent. “So, this is where you always disappear to?”
Joshua looked down at their intertwined fingers, Seokmin’s thumb absentmindedly rubbing circles over his knuckles. “Most of the time, yeah.”
“Huh.” Seokmin looked up at the cloudy night sky, and then looked over at Joshua, only to find the elder already smiling at him, eyes glowing a gentle silver. He smiled back, lips curling upwards. “It’s so pretty.”
Joshua smiled wider, before ducking his head and looking away.
They sat in comfortable silence for several moments longer, the echoes of their friends screeching at each other sounding distant, like they were aeons away from anyone else. Seokmin watched as the wispy clouds drifted by and slowly, slowly revealed the silver glow of the moon.
He looked over at Joshua again, observed the silvery prettiness of Joshua’s irises before looking back at the moon, smiling.
“Exactly the same,” he murmured to himself.
“Hm?” Joshua turned to him questioningly, but Seokmin just shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it.” He nudged Joshua gently. “Hey, hyung, doesn’t this remind you of the first time that we met? You, know, at that party that Mingyu busted us into and I found you on the roof and—”
“—I cried my eyes out in front of you and gave you my number but didn’t give you my name?” Joshua said, smiling. “Yeah. I remember.”
Seokmin’s eyes crinkled. “You didn’t cry that hard. And you still looked really pretty anyway.”
That made Joshua laugh, the corners of his lips lifting upwards and Seokmin’s heart lifted along with them. Somewhere below them, Chan screamed.
“Well, thank you.” Still smiling, Joshua turned back to look up at the moon. “Wow, that feels so long ago, though. It’s been so many years since we first met.”
“It really has,” Seokmin agreed, squeezing Joshua’s hand gently. “I’m so glad we met again. I’m glad that we managed to become… close.”
Joshua glanced over at him, and their eyes met for the briefest moment, then Joshua chuckled and looked back up at the moon. “I’m glad too,” he said. “You’re a wonderful person, Seokmin. And to have had the privilege of knowing you this well, of being able to spend so much time with you…” He looked over at him again, soft like clouds and silver like the moon. “You’ve become someone who’s really, really important to me.”
Oh… Seokmin bit his lips in a futile attempt to prevent the flush rapidly rising up his cheeks. Goodness, it was impossible not to fall in love with Joshua when he kept saying things like that.
“You’re someone incredibly important to me, too,” Seokmin managed to say through his intense blushing. He grinned, nudging Joshua in the side. “You’re my Aphrodite, aren’t you? The person who’ll treat me gently for all time. And I’m gonna treat my Aphrodite like the most precious person in the entire world.”
Joshua’s smile only widened at that, eyes crinkling into the prettiest crescents, and Seokmin marvelled at how someone’s smile managed to make his heart feel so full.
“Anyways, hyung,” he said, squeezing Joshua’s hand once. “You never finished telling me that story at lunch. The one about your first years and the broken guitars?”
“Oh!” Joshua’s eyes lit up. “Did I not?”
And from there, the conversation flowed endlessly, with them discussing everything and anything out there on the rooftop, hands intertwined, the wind ruffling Joshua’s hair and Seokmin staring at him, mesmerised, being reminded again and again just how much he loved him.
It was just… Joshua’s entire being that did it for Seokmin. The way he was so gentle and loving at all times, and the rooftop was kind of cold but Joshua was always so warm by his side and his heart felt so incredibly full of love for everything that Joshua was and everything he made him feel.
Joshua was always so pretty. Seokmin knew that. But now, the silver light of the moon illuminated one side of his face, and his pretty lips were curled into an endeared smile as he looked at Seokmin like he was the brightest star in the entire universe, recounting a fond memory of the children from a few years ago at his church, and Seokmin didn’t think that Joshua had ever looked more beautiful than right now.
A real Aphrodite, indeed.
“Shua hyung,” Seokmin said, as Joshua took a brief pause in the middle of his tale. Joshua gave a small smile, eyebrows raising slightly in acknowledgement, attentive.
“Hm?”
His gaze was open, expression golden and content, willing to listen to whatever Seokmin had wanted to say, even if it interrupted what he was talking about before. This was the real Joshua, Seokmin thought. The one open with himself, with Seokmin, with all the love he held. The one true Joshua.
Seokmin loved him so, so much.
“I love you,” Seokmin said, and the words fell from his lips before he even realised what was happening, threading through the air between them, pink silk ribbons brushing against his lips and Joshua’s cheeks. “I love you, Shua hyung.”
Joshua paused, eyes widening, and for one, horrible second, Seokmin feared that he was going to be rejected.
Instead, though, Joshua’s face softened and he grinned. “I know.” And then he carried on talking. “And I had to carry her up the stairs to the pulpit, but of course, she’s so small that I also had to lift her so she could see over the top—”
The dread in Seokmin’s stomach turned into bewilderment so fast that he felt a little queasy.
“Wh—You do?”
Joshua ceased talking again, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “I do.”
Seokmin blinked, and gently untangled their hands to sit up properly. Joshua let him, though a small pout formed on his lips before he too sat up straight. Seokmin scratched his head, lost. Everything was… weird. He hadn’t meant to confess, but he certainly hadn’t expected Joshua’s reaction either.
“Are you… are you sure?” he checked. “Cause, uh, Jeonghan hyung said that there was no way you knew.”
Joshua laughed. “Jeonghan underestimates me sometimes. I've spent my whole life observing people. I know how to be observant.” He nudged Seokmin in the side. “Especially if I'm observing you.” Joshua smiled again, and it was that fluffy soft smile that never failed to make Seokmin want to melt into his arms and never do anything else ever again.
“W—When did you figure it out?” Seokmin asked, a little dazed, eyes wide. “Am I really that obvious with my feelings?”
“Kind of,” Joshua said, a little teasingly, and laughed again when Seokmin pouted. “No, it’s just because I’ve been in love with you for years. Since the day we met, in fact,” he added, and his smile widened when Seokmin looked at him in amazement. “And I just… hoped that maybe you could like me too.”
“Oh,” Seokmin breathed, warmth spreading in his chest.
Joshua smiled, all pink silk and white roses and golden skies. “You’re my Sun, Seokmin,” he said. “My light. I see you in everything, and I’m drawn to you wherever you go. But I guess it was only… that night, where you sang for the first time, and you called me an Aphrodite.” His smile turned shy. “That’s when I started to hope you’d like me back.”
“Oh, wow,” Seokmin said, a hushed whisper. “That’s when I realised I loved you too.”
They shared twin smiles at that, giddy, cream clouds and cerulean blue skies.
Joshua leaned forwards, gaze endlessly soft, and gently tucked a stray hair out of Seokmin’s eyes. “Seokmin,” he began, and it sent a warm thrill through him yet again, marvelling at how Joshua managed to say his name so reverently, like something to be cherished. “Can… Can I kiss you?”
Distantly, Seokmin thought he could hear Mingyu getting attacked by their friends downstairs. But he barely registered it, more focused on how Joshua’s face was closer to his than before, eyes an endless brown that he could drown into, lips curling into a smile when Seokmin’s gaze flicked down towards them.
“Of course,” Seokmin whispered, and his eyes fluttered shut in bliss when Joshua smiled, delighted, and closed the distance between them to softly press his lips against his own.
And, oh, it was the most beautiful thing in the world, to be kissed by Joshua. His hands, big and warm and gentle, came up to cup his face, painting blossom pinks across his cheekbone every time his thumb brushed against it. Seokmin all but melted, hands reaching up to cling to his shirt, needing something to hold onto to prevent himself from floating away.
Joshua kissed him so delicately, like he was made of spun glass, gently pulling him impossibly closer like he was something to be cherished, and Seokmin could hear his own pulse singing in his ears as he kissed him back, eyelashes fluttering against his cheek as he tilted his head, pressing his mouth more firmly against Joshua’s, smiling in complete and utter joy because goodness, how was it possible that Joshua’s lips were even softer and sweeter than they looked?
Seokmin had nowhere nearly gotten his fill of Joshua’s mouth on his own when a thought occurred to him, pulling away with some reluctance. Joshua hummed in mild discontent, trying to chase his lips again, and Seokmin’s heart almost exploded at how endearing the sound was.
“Mm, wait a minute, hyung,” Seokmin smiled, giggling as Joshua slowly opened his eyes, pouting his kissed-pink lips.
Joshua nudged his nose against Seokmin’s, fond. “What’s wrong, sunshine?”
Seokmin was going to need to have a word with Joshua about dropping pet names out of the blue if he didn’t want Seokmin to combust on the spot.
“You forgot something,” Seokmin said, after taking a few seconds to compose himself. “You didn’t say ‘I love you’ back.”
Joshua paused. He leaned back a little, hands resting on Seokmin’s shoulders. “I called you my Sun, my light, my everything, and you don’t think I love you?” he asked, tilting his head. “You’re the brightest star in my skies, Seokmin.”
“Well, yeah,” Seokmin said, valiantly ignoring his own blush, “But I want you to say the words.” He ducked his head, suddenly shy. “I just… I wanna hear you say you love me.”
That made Joshua laugh, and he nudged his nose against Seokmin’s again, making the younger look up, golden adoration making his next words sparkle against the cool night air.
“Seokmin,” Joshua said softly, and his eyes crinkled into those adoring crescents. “I love you too.”
Seokmin beamed, beamed brighter than a thousand stars and he surged forwards, hands threading through Joshua’s hair as he pulled him close so their lips connected once more. Joshua laughed into his mouth, one hand steadying them on the rooftop tiles, the other holding onto Seokmin’s waist as they kissed under the moonlight.
It was kind of incredible, Seokmin thought, smiling into the kiss when Joshua nipped playfully at his bottom lip. Incredible that he'd managed to find his own Venus. Someone to love greatly, with all his heart. Who loved him greatly back.
Seokmin pulled away slightly, gazing into Joshua's eyes and finding himself speechless at how much love practically glowed within Joshua's irises, before his eyes crinkled and he leaned in to press their lips together again.
It was also incredible how that Venus had ended up being his beloved Shua hyung.
Maybe the Venus really had always meant to love the Sun.
And perhaps the Sun had always been destined to love the Venus too.
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