#My thoughts could be wrong but just my read on how theyd go
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This is completely random but what are your thoughts on Lucifer×Minhyeok as a ship?
in one of Luci's homescreen dialogues he's apologetic towards MC after what Gabriel did, how'd Luci think about Gabriel attacking an innocent human who isn't even related to Solomon?
I think a scenario where Jjok and Ppyong meet and become friends then Ppyong talks about MC and Minhyeok. Lucifer overhears that Gabriel attacked 2 humans instead of 1, he'd wanna know more
I think Minhyeok would be too scared of Lucifer
(if you aren't into character×character ships just ignore this ask)
Nah don't worry about it fam I'm open to answer any questions and I'm proud of you for working the guts to ask 💖
And to be honest I'm sort of neutral on these characterxcharacter ships I see their merit but LuciferxMinhyeok is a touch surprising. I'll try to give my honest thoughts on how I think it'd go and work :>
Explanation under:
So if I recall and I could be wrong but back in the Halloween event, Minhyeok had encountered the three Seraphim; Gabriel, Raphael, and Michael as well as the Kings. While going through there was a sort of fascination with him that they had going on and I think Lucifer being part angel would be fascinated as well and curiously seek him out especially if Jjok and Ppyong later on meet or he senses MC longing for Minhyeok (Lucifer strikes me as kind of perceptive to these things so for the start of it, it'd be fascination on his end while with Minhyeok it's a bit different.)
I can see the ship sort of working as Lucifer is fascinated but also sort of Aloof. He sort of is like an alley cat curious but independent, and I imagine the more he hears about Minhyeok, the more intrigued he is, and before long, the two meet, and it becomes quite a thing. So Minhyeok I feel at this time would be utterly gobsmacked; He's competing with immortal beings for MC and now here comes Lucifer the King of Pride and I imagine he's incredibly wary or freaked out and lowkey resentful but unlike the demons who take Minhyeok's fake kindness at face value, Lucifer picks up on it and I see the two talking it out because Lucifer doesn't see Minhyeok as competition.
I feel like Lucifer is above those things and so they'd probably be friends once Minhyeok realizes Lucifer is pretty neutral on MC (I get the vibes that even if related to Solomon Lucifer is pretty neutral about MC and not as obsessed as the Devils). And I think with time their relationship actually works to one of more understanding and regard.
I feel to myself that Minhyeok sort of helps Lucifer focus on the present and reconnect to the other species he sort of has been distant from and Lucifer helps Minhyeok let go and realize it's okay to have a life outside of MC and to not base his entire life around one thing, speaking from experience. It's a sweet dynamic, and if you're talking romantic, it sort of falls down the line because the two give me vibes they'd naturally fall into it. Of course neither are going to directly pursue, Lucifer would be respectful of Minhyeok's longing for MC to return to him but I imagine as MC gets railed by other demons Lucifer is the one person in Minhyeok's life telling him what he needs to hear. Minhyeok seems to always be the caretaker to others' feelings and lives, so Lucifer would probably be the one telling Minhyeok to take care of himself or to see things for what they are.
Of course Lucifer's still gonna be his feral self like he was in the Selfie story but Minhyeok strikes me as more cautious and nurturing than MC so the ship has room to be very sweet for both of them because they both get something special from it and could be pretty cute if it works like this. And while sex is a big thing I see the two taking it slow because unlike MC where their minds are on sex 24/7 the two guys just genuinely love their conversations and talk and work to it more tenderly than MC ever would with either of them.
Now I could be wrong but these are my thoughts since tbh this is the first I've heard of it so like I'm just taking a ball and rolling with it haha.
Hope it answers! 💖
#what in hell is bad#whb#whb mc#what in hell is bad mc#what in hell is bad solomon's descendant#whb solomon's descendant#mirjami asks#what in hell is bad lucifer#whb lucifer#what in hell is bad minhyeok#whb minhyeok#character x character#what in hell is bad lucifer x minhyeok#whb lucifer x minhyeok#My thoughts could be wrong but just my read on how theyd go#tbh i think theyd be cute but idk also cause Lucifer is so distant
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genuinely curious by what you mean by "jewish (factual)" in your tier list. i can assume for a couple what you mean (sophia as an example) but i dont see how the others could be like jewish-coded! interested in hearing your thoughts
link to the first post for claritys sake, but this is the tier in question:
ok so for clarification: i made the tier list a little while ago and then scheduled it for later to keep uploads consistent, something i usually do all the time but am not for this discussion for now. this means that by the day the tier list posted, i was already a few weeks or so divorced from the actual creation of it, so some of my opinions have changed (as i said in the og post, i was unsure on a good portion of the characters even when i first queued the list), and some of my reasonings behind placements have been lost to time and my silly little goldfish memory.
bc of this, as of now as im trying to find a distinct line between "jewish (factual)" and "jewish (based on vibes)", the criteria for "factual" is sort of murky. some placements in the category were serious, but a lot of them were also entirely for joking reasons, and i had moved on as soon as i was done laughing to myself without coming back to it.
all this is to say, i have no idea how to summarise it, so im going to explain everything i can remember about my thought process at the time so you can see where i was coming from.
SOPHIA:
yup 👍.
ok so for the uninformed, sophia is the name of a gnostic figure and the specifics change depending on the context of which ur referring to her in, but in judaism specifically sophia was given as a translated name for chokmah which is like a being thats like really important in kabbalah and considered like. this sort of i guess personification of divine wisdom?
anyways this is a concept that i doubt im anywhere near the first person to bring up, so im not gonna spend a lot of time on it like i will the things i havent heard other people talk about. like the whole "good friend of humanity" thing! judaism puts a lot of emphasis on kindness and care for other people and i think its important that thats so big for her character and for how jewish she can be read as. she is also jewish because i like her :^).
TATSUYA:
suffers endlessly because g-d hates *him*, specifically, and he hates g-d right back. jewish.
that was a joke. ok so right out the gate i think the whole "fighting hitler" aspect of IS should count for something during the discussion of which characters are jewish. like just putting that out there. anyways tatsuya is jewish because of eternal punishment. specifically, you know how hes like super into "atonement" and repentance? bro would really have benefited from going to a high holidays service lemme tell you. and he does it in a specific way thats like. his atonement is actively trying to repair what hes fixed right like hes not doing what hes doing to be redeemed, hes doing it because its his responsibility to fix whats been broken. i just idk how to explain it properly but thats a thought process your rabbi talks you through in jew school yknow?
also theres this thing called tikkun olam, which literally translates as "repairing the world". so it means more like. doing ur best as a citizen to improve community and country, or general social work. but just considering it as taking the literal translation, then its just like... yep. that sure is what hes doing isnt it
also, killed hitler. hashtag work
KATSUYA:
placed here mostly because being tatsuyas brother, theyd probably be at a similar "level" of religiosity. however there are some unique things i want to point out here;
katsuya like embodies the idea of "tzedek tzedek tirdof" like. its unfortunate hes a cop but for a cop hes a pretty good person? hes pretty uncompromising on right and wrong, and in a way that totally lines up w tzedek tzedek tirdof as its described in the torah.
extra emphasis on his compassion, as in theres like that core facet of judaism, the tikkun olam, where people have a moral obligation to help others; not just do good as oneself, but also stop other people from doing bad. that last bit doesnt really matter, cuz im bringing it up so i can talk about katsuya as a police officer to clear his dads name and try and ensure a better future for his brother. he gave up his dreams for them.
i mean, when i say "giving up his dreams", im kinda laughing to myself bc theres no way he ran it past his parents bc if he looked his jewish mother in the eye and said "i want to be a pastry chef" he would not make it out of the room alive. hed go "my dream is to become a pâtissier" and his mom would immediately be like "no its not its to be an accountant" and that would be the end of the discussion
also, i think he would make some of the best fucking challah in the world. hed make matzo ball soup that could make you jizz your pants just looking at it. look me in the eyes and tell me that he doesnt actually go nuts at rosh hashana when he gets to make the round challah with the raisins in it and stuff or whatever else. there is such a crystal clear vision in my mind of him rocking this apron my dad used to have that says "real men make latkes". it was pink and ugly as sin and i think it would be katsuyas most prized possession.
LABRYS:
her name is fucking labrys obviously shes a jewish lesbian. next.
/j i will actually talk about this. like not mentioning the only survivor of her upbringing, which isnt a one to one considering the death match portion of her backstory but still close enough to feel um. relavant to jewish culture. she acts very...stereotypically jewish?
its not entirely the accent, but it is...part of it. so like i know its like a new jersey accent and that the stereotype is new york, i guess? but im not american and i dont rlly know the difference. they look close enough to each other on a map tho so i think it counts
but also shes like kinda confrontational in a way i specifically associate with jewish people or jewish characters? like not really bitchy but argumentative right, shes got this really sarcastic or mocking sense of humour. and girl kvetches with the best of them.
(also, side note: since i made the original list, i found out that the voice actress for aegis in p3 reload, dawn m bennett, is actually jewish! if i were to remake the tier list, aegis would be moved up from "vibes" to "factual" because of this. mentioning that here because of the sister thing :).)
JOKER:
kills g-d which is the jewish dream. this is a another joke.
someone in the replies of the tier list said something abt a possible reason being that he has an "abrahamic figure" as his ult. persona, which could be a good point if satanael was actually an abrahamic figure! but it is not. like ok im not a history guy but satanael is a name used in the 2nd book of enoch, which arguably could be part of jewish "canon" (i know this is actually the term for it but fandom has rotted my brain and it sounds terminally online to use it in terms of real life religiosity) but most rabbis agree it like is not, and theyre kind of who im listening to on this, and quick google search says even in christianity, enoch is debatable? idk
so like satanael isnt in the torah. and if anyone says "oh its just like another name for satan so technically--" shut up i know. satan isnt real in the torah either. ok like "satan" is used as a term, but not as like the specific dude that like rules hell. hes just like at most a specific dude who is not a devil/cast from heaven or whatever, but instead is a lawyer. more often its a concept, something representative of like the urge to go against g-ds will or a kosher life, this "evil inclination" which everyone is born possessing and grapples with when trying to be a good person. NOT THE SAME AS THE CHRISTIAN SATAN. WHICH IS WHAT P5 WAS GOING FOR. SATAN IN JUDAISM IS NOT A "super demon lord" or whatever they call it in the text of the game
satanael isnt an abrahamic figure and i dont think satan is either cuz its so different between religions and honestly i think calling things abrahamic religions, at least w the context i hear of it, is like kind of a misnomer or just kind of generally misleading cuz judaism christianity and islam are all so different and if were talking about this i think whoever invented the term judeochristian should eat a sheet of glass for it because whenever i hear those terms its very clear the person saying it means just christianity but theyre trying to be inclusive without actually putting the work in and thats not the point of this.
ok if im honest, as i think abt it joker isnt like. really... super jewish, in a way that you can point out? its just like... this overall vibe im having trouble explaining which is probably also like super influenced by how much i like him. i want to say that this strict sense of right and wrong that remains uninfluenced by the rest of society is something that clearly creates or maybe just intensifies this like. empathy for other people that reminds me of this concept in judaism which i cant remember the hebrew name of rn but i think its most commonly translated to english as "lovingkindness", one word? or that the whole idea of the phantom thieves can be contributed to tikkun olam. but, on the other hand, even if lovingkindness is what i personally consider one of jokers core character traits, the other one is pure, blinding rage.
im not going to go super into it, because im a few years rusty of torah study bc its only really consistently done in my community for kids preparing for bnai mitzvah cuz of how few people we have in our congregation. but from what i remember, my interpretation of the exact limit between righteous and sinful anger is a bit more... lax than the average jew's, or at least the average rabbi's, meaning mine, lol. either way anger is almost always seen as sinful because its an emotion that can like. turn you from g-d, its the same thing that invokes that "evil inclination" we just talked abt. so, joker textually feels this rage that arsene, his other self, literally refers to as "sacrilegious", something that very clearly states that he is willing to *knowingly* commit sins for this rage and is perfectly capable of causing undue harm to others for it, which is exactly the reason why judaism warns of anger. this means jokers anger is distinctly against jewish teachings.
again, im really lax, my familys reform (/lh) and i think there are some parts of this characterisation that make me feel this rage is overall constructive, especially considering that is what feeds his constant practice of lovingkindness and tikkun olam, but it being such a huge facet of his personality (made worse bc as a silent protagonist, you really have to search to get away from this trait) brings him down on the Jew Scale(tm).
in short, now that im really discussing this id probably move him to incredibly jewish based on vibes or even to just "jewish" no further classification. but even w the undying sinful anger thing i cant not think of him as jewish and i dont think its just bc hes one of my favourite characters of all time.
also that hair texture looking really familiar is all🤔🤔. all im saying that is in the tutorial, instead of "frizzy hair", morgana deffo should have been calling them blondie and jewfro /j /j /j
EDIT AND JOKERS KITCHEN!! JOKERS KITCHEN!! FOOD AS A LOVE LANGUAGE!! IN P5 YOU MAKE FOOD FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU PUT LOVE INTO IT
MORGANA:
i know i put morgana before joker in the tier but i think in order to rlly discuss morgana we needed joker first bc part of my reason for putting them in the same tier is because they really are a pair, do not separate.
anyways, morgana does have a lot of the same problems as joker when it comes to being difficult to pin down. his inclination to tikkun olam is similar, sort of even greater than jokers depending on personal characterisation of joker, but instead of this discrepancy of his jewishness being anger, the ethical conundrum with morgana is sort of. arrogance? like, i have trouble figuring out how to really put into words how i feel abt morganas "lovingkindness", because it is so hard to understand where hes at in terms of empathy?? like. fucking. idk hes definitely a very caring person but its not exactly like
ok i cant figure out how to say it moving on. i used the word arrogance even though i dont really think thats right, because morgana has never seemed haughty. his "arrogance" is really just him making up for an inferiority complex caused by the amnesia thing, its not as if he genuinely totally believes himself to be above the others. but like no matter what it stems from, the way he behaves and his personal pride hurts people. ie the okumura arc, or his entire relationship w ryuuji. he speaks ill of others, belittles them to bring himself up, etc. arrogance and excess pride is as condemned as anger in judaism if not moreso, since its even less useful/constructive to be "arrogant" than it is to be angry. OH ok so what i meant with the hard to figure out his empathy thing is this actually!! hes very caring and has a really notable respect for human life but its always at war with his need to prove himself, so even if when you think about it its like Oh Morgana Is A Really Caring Person, which makes sense because he was created from human desire and as such is really in touch with what people need, the desperation he has to be seen as "worthy" comes off as wanting to be seen as "above", even if it means trying to get the people around him as being considered "below" him.
tldr so if it was just those two traits i think id have to move morgana lower on the list, alongside joker.
HOWEVER. speaking directly to the other jews in the crowd, but morgana is totally textually a golem, right? like not exactly, obviously, but think about it. morganas a being of the velvet room because he was created from "the dregs of human hope" (canonical line from yaldaboath that i think about more than what can be considered healthy tbh), whose job is was and always will be to protect and guide the trickster and his community, the phantom thieves. hes a golem right? am i insane? am i seeing things? i dont care, im not giving up on this interpretation, so morgana is factually and canonically jewish cuz of it.
ZEN:
i do not remember.
as of today id probably move him to either jewish no other classification or not jewish. my b guys. anyways
JUN:
life is indescribable torment, and then hes also got additional, mostly unrelated, mommy issues. judaism 101.
also his suspenders when he was a kid are the most young jewish lad shit in the history of ever like i have seen that exact outfit on a young boy every time i go to temple, and each time it is a different kid
ok more seriously, i really do think juns story-- specifically his relationship with memory-- can easily be extracted into a jewish narrative. like nyarlathotep messed with his memories and convinced him that the other members of the masked circle killed maya right. and so the way he fanatically reminded himself of the past was a mix of trauma and active manipulation. but if i think abt it a certain way i also can see it as like. ok so in judaism memory is really important and like a lot of the time during for example passover, youre meant to refer to yourself as being a jew in egypt, saying "we" instead of "them" and such. but im specifically meaning how important memory/remembrance is in grieving. jun in his grief for mayas perceived death "kept her alive" in a way. she was never forgotten, and so she never died. even though the entire masked circle forgot, from trauma or fear or guilt or whatever, jun held on, remembering her, and so she survived. joker took peoples dreams but his actions also caused them to be completely be forgotten. they were alive, but they were robbed of their ability to be remembered at all, and so they were as good as dead even still breathing and talking.
retroactively, this idea enforces tatsuyas jewishness, considering the entire story of eternal punishment. he refused to forget the masked circle, even though it hurts.
anyways back to jun, i also think the whole repentance thing is important too. he hurt people in his anger and sorrow and spends the rest of his life (until the world is reset at least lol) atoning for his wrongdoings.
also, i know i said kid him is super jewish looking, but he has not gotten better as hes grown up. 17y.o him is exactly the guy your bubbe will pull up on facebook and be like "this is the grandson of my friend or whoever! you should go on a date with him, hes your age! he looks a bit gay but hes a very successful doctor! ...and hes JEWISH YAKNOW...." and ur like "ok bubbe"
ERIKO:
i actually do not recall exactly why she is in this tier specifically. the only thing i for sure remember was that i at least partially placed her here bc of her fascination with the occult.
HIKARI:
ok this one was kinda me goofing. its the whole extended family thing like whats more jewish than being actively discouraged from a creative career for something "safe" and "normal?" bro the aunt might as well have dropped the "being a doctor is very respectable" line in the song.
but like even without that, wanting to be a director or associated with film? hitting her with the jew beam. mazel tov babygirl.
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id like to start this by saying that i have never watched or read anything mlp-related. i have a feeling that if i was a kid and i had access to it id be insufferable, bc i loved horses, but alas the stars didnt align. my only interaction with mlp comes from ur funny/heart-warming comics, and thats how i learned the names of several characters.
last night, i had a dream. i don't know if you are familiar with witch hat atelier (its an absolutely beautiful manga and has amazing story), but (not gonna spoil anything) theres this teacher who accepts young witchlings to teach them how to do magic. he feels a strong kinship toward one of the girls bc they underwent the same trauma. okay? so now we can get into my dream
i had a dream that i was helping my friend with a dnd session. it was mlp but set in the WHA universe, and each player had a character. i think the ones my friends were playing were (sorry in advance if i cant say their names correctly) fluttershy, twilight, rainbow dash and rarity. a boy in our group also went and chose the most generic boy pony ever, typical cishet behavior. so the story was that i was a teacher, teaching the young ponies to do magic. it was really fun, like the players could invent spells and then roll and see if their spell would work or not, and theyd have to describe how they're doing it! and since i was the teacher i could guide them and tell them which part of their spells were wrong. but the thing was that at the end of each sessions id roll a d6, and based on the number, some of the players would die the next session. id close my eyes and theyd form a line and id choose the dying characters randomly. i rolled a 5 in the current session in my dream, and everyone was aghast. like even my own character, the teacher, was going to die. so, predictably, the players were upset. things were going peacefully, what could possibly kill them? but they werent aware of a golden god pony who had died and was going to fall down, and its mere presence would destroy the fabrics of the world they were in. i was searching everything to find a way to resurrect the dead ponies in the future session, but i couldnt really find a way. it was really tense and really dramatic.
all the while the actual fucking dm was like uh.... i thought this was my campaign??? and then i woke up.
sorry for the long ask, i just thought u might want to know how you have infested my dreams!
I absolutely love the return of the DM going ???? This is a great dream
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What are your thoughts on Re:63 fic by Spriteanon?
(okay also gonna leave a link to spriteanon’s rezero fics here and the re:63 series here if anyone is interested!!! and please feel free to leave some nice comments if you enjoy <3)
hi anon!! :o okay quick disclaimer that i havent touched spriteanons re:63 fic in a Very Long Time but i read a few of their If route/spinoff fics and got to around somewhere in arc 3 of the main re:63 fic yes :o!! (i only havent touched it since because Time and my Uncontrollable Attention Span. i dont tend to read super long fics either—no hard feelings or anything i am just a student with adhd hah.)
also quick explanation for anyone else stumbling across this—re:63 is a long plotty multichapter fic series where subaru and a few other surprise characters are genderbent (i use “genderbend” here in the sense of. biological sex and gender were bent yes). the fic starts from arc 1 and then comes with Major Divergences throughout the entire story. its a very solid read!!
but yeah so from what i do remember, i really enjoyed the fic, yeah. if i did read it again recently + caught up all the way to the current arc of the story (arc 4 i believe) i might have minor criticisms here and there, but again theyd be minor, and big emphasis on might because i do think re:63 is incredible (also i 1. try to adhere to fanfic courtesy of not giving unsolicited criticism directly to the author anyway wkfn and 2. im very light on most fic because. well we are All writing for free). and spriteanon has wrote more than a million words for this, all of which are Very polished with a solid plan for each arc. the fic’s such a labor of love its absolutely one of the best long form multichapter fics in this fandom, in my opinion. the writing style is very precise, i think, while still hitting Hard for every emotional beat and i think they generally get characters right. it’s a perfect balance.
i think what i most enjoyed about spriteanon’s fic though was its take on fem subaru.
the thing with fembaru takes in this fandom (though i see this also happen with fem reinhard takes as well)—im speaking for the english side of the fandom here by the way hah—is that sometimes writers tend to fall into this like. pitfall of being way too different with said now-female-character.
making a genderbend au does kind of show how you think of gender roles and gender and biological sex and all that, you know? not that thats a bad thing thats just an Inevitable fact given how intertwined these things can be irl and how a genderbend au will focus on these things in some way.
but like. genderswapping a character Is gonna change some things but its not usually gonna change Every Single Recognizable Trait in existence. sometimes people fall into pitfall of “this character is girl now” and forget to write her as a Person. they dont let her be as humanly “ugly” as how the character is in canon as a guy. and too many times i look at rezero genderbend fics or requests for genderbend fics in the rezero reddit fanfic ideas thread and fem subaru and reinhard are often genderswapped just to ship them with men (such as fembaru with regular reinhard or vice versa)—it does make me a little uncomfortable sometimes because 1. shipping the now fem character with another character of the same sex (such as fembaru x rem) doesnt really. Happen as much. it doesnt seem to be treated as a possibility that much?? or at least i havent seen it in fic. even though it Could Be, it’d just be less likely for Multiple Reasons (though of course correct me if im wrong if this ever happens in spriteanons fic akdndn) and 2. it feels like making a gay ship (like reinsuba) straight (ie reinsuba but one of them is the opposite sex now). which i have personal feelings on but i wont go too much into that hah.
BUT OKAY i digress i dont mean At All to go after authors who do any of this akndnd and spriteanon does have a few spinoff fics with fembaru x reinhard—all of which i ENJOYED, because 1. what i just said is a Personal Preference and 2. i dont mind it at all if its Well Written regardless (i have enjoyed a few other fembaru x reinhard fics too just bc they were well written yes!!). and spriteanons writing and handling of reinsubas dynamic is very very well written imo and i really liked reading through it. theyve written both fembaru and reinhard + subaru and fem reinhard together with a nuanced understanding of both characters, i think, and it absolutely still feels like Them. if that makes sense hah. like im not thinking “this feels like whole other people”, im thinking “this IS reinhard and subaru” regardless of gender. which is good because the former might take me out of the story a little bit T^T
and also i understand people are gonna have different takes on how genderbend aus would go, and i DO enjoy seeing variety in this yes!! :o (i cant really judge either because my old genderbend au fic is very. its different, lets just say hah.)
also spriteanon is Very good at showcasing subarus positive and negative qualities, i think. and spriteanon doesnt forget to show subarus npc/game/genre awareness-related mentality (in another way this time, given the slight differences in female lead isekai stories) either!! it was very interesting to read for Sure, and i appreciated how well they showed the trauma and horror in the story and showed how subaru understandably responds to it. fembaru feels Human here and like this is still subaru, which i think should be the goal yes. character is Very Important. and subaru can be very hard to get even close to right in fics so i gotta commend spriteanon in general for all the hard work on this fic hah.
and also i enjoyed the exploration of another subaru hobby (music!!) (which iirc is probably also a canon detail anyway?? but its expanded on in re:63??) very interesting. not much to say on that bc i dont Entirely remember every detail of this i just thought it was a fun take yes.
also i did love seeing the other characters that were genderbent. that was very fun. i kinda wish there were More just because i enjoyed it a lot. i liked seeing what changed and what didnt. though iirc spriteanon has some sort of interactive quality with some parts of the fic where they put up polls to vote on some aspects of the story?? so maybe some reoccurring readers voted on some of who gets to be genderbent and who doesnt hah.
and also the canon divergences in the story are Interesting. i was really kept on my toes a bit fr. i think out of what i read arc 2 was ABSOLUTELY my favorite for sure. it was such an amazing read and in a few aspects i enjoyed it More than canon arc 2!! not that canon arc 2 is bad (i enjoyed canon arc 2 A Lot) but re:63’s arc 2 has such Fascinating things in it…. hah i wont go into too much detail though its Spoilery.
but either way. re:63 is a very strong and solid fic imo. i really enjoyed it overall!! i might return to the fic someday to read through it from start to finish—not sure if i ever will but id have a fun time i think hah. its an absolute gem and you can see all the work spriteanon puts into it!!
#re:zero#rezero#ask#also people can write what they want of course i just have Opinions. tho if i enjoy it I Enjoy It end of story :o !!!#i dont mean any ill will by any of my opinions akfnnd just want to make that clear yes.#(this is about my takes on making gay ships straight wkcndn please dont kill me for saying that hah)#but yes anyway.#TLDR: GREAT FIC I ENJOYED LOTS 👍👍
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SO I finally read the first Unwind book by Neal Shusterman and wowowowow people were not lying it's so genuinely incredible. Like no joke, even if you read this goofy post read the first book. It's not perfect (looking at you 2007 era feminism) but it's haunting my thoughts. I don't think it will ever fade. And you know the one scene. You know.
What I'm saying is, even after reading (and starting the 2nd book) of this very grounded, fleshed out world, I had to look it up on a03. With Jason Todd 💀💀💀
It doesn't seem to exist so here's some AU ideas/HCs
Note: This is for fun, and I do not know the ending to the series. This post will spoil general plot points of the first and second books.
-Bruce is a moderate on unwinding. He would, of course, never unwind HIS kids but he trusts s c i e n c e and it follows logic
-just for fun, maybe the person who killed his parents was an awol unwind, and hes grateful that person was able to live on in a better form
-bruce wayne has great security, and the family is intense about preventing storked babies. But if a mother does try, they usually send at least 1k to help, and a lot of mothers go to his house to get some financial assistance
- dick traveled a lot, met a lot of different people. I think he met a lot of unwinds, and his parents were pro not murdering teens, but they couldn't house them for more than a day or two. The law pays more attention to transient spaces they can track after all
-all of this to say dick loved meeting and showing off to new people, and doesnt like the cops, and doesnt like that they get so scared. His parents/troupe influenced him a lot but no one has really said any of this aloud to him since he's so young. Hes never feared being unwound, not seriously.
-my ideal fic wouldnt be dick focused, so his character progression might be depressing here.
-he thinks unwinding is immoral, says it feels wrong, doesn't use words like soul. He is passionate about this issue when directly confronted, but he believes temporary help is the best he can provide.
-dick feels secure he wont be unwound for two reasons. Bruce knows hes too capable to be detained by cops. And dick knows that bruce couldn't live with himself if he condemned dick to a divided existence, no matter what his logic says.
-Unwinding is a huge blur of grey for batman in chaotic, unpredictable Gotham. For brucie wayne, clinking champagne glasses with a teenager's hands, complimenting an elderly investors washboard abs, unwinding is a fact of life. But for bruce wayne, the father, the son, unwinding would always be a prolonged muder. Bruce does not ponder those feelings deeply. He does all he can (he doesnt)
-Dick doesn't like that they rat on violent runaways/unwinding awols, but he knows they fill in lower gaps as goons. He hates it at first, and bruce does learn to ignore more. But dick learns the dangers of desperation. He meets nore people who agree with unwinding, tithes, and as he grows into larger scale problems/hero teams, he loses sight of the bigger government issue.
-all this to say, as an adult, dick does what all his parents did in a way (money, hidden spots he knows, advice he's picked up on) but his morals match bruces more than his parents. He thinks that tithing is okay if the kid is 17 and consents, understands that religion is personal, despises the state homes doing it the most (bruce has given so much to those leeches).
-i dont know enough about the teen titans to know how theyd feel, how that would impact dick, if he'd even /have/ the entire team or if some became unwound
-oh my god unrelated note clark as a teen, despite being very loved, was glad he was indestructible. Docs dont use kryptonite
-jason jason jason my boy jason. So yes unwind awols are pretty natural to him, working girls, hes against the process bc he knows a lot of families who do that to kids & he gets it
-in this au he could keep the canon backstory. It still hurts bc he especially feels then he was a burden, storked by one of willis' exes. Or he could be fully storked from the jump. His bio dad is dead, shelia is the only one alive. Bruce is more anti-shelia initially bc she storked him but he knows some people do want to see their kids later in life? This also impacts his early social clout, since storks are looked down on. Maybe especially so where he's a 'real' burden.
-hes a lot more intense than dick abt unwinds, is deeply paranoid bruce will unwind him and has to be reassured bruce would never personally do that. Jason doesnt want to use unwind body parts, but bruce will always choose jays life over his 'moral high ground.'
-honestly most of death with the family will feel the same, the main difference is Jay will have a guilty thought, wonder if it would have been better to let bruce unwind him, if robin should have served everyone (bruce did not threaten this, but kids have been unwound for a whole lot less).
- THE CRUX IS THAT JAY WAKES UP WHOLE BRAIN IN NEW BODY HORRIFIED HEHEHEGED
- this au uses the movie version of utrh with talua stuff, but add in that the brain cannot automatically connect to the body, this is very untested, and it takes like a year to make it work at all. No laz pit, the body is a military buff 16 year old but not excessively violent yaknow
-he still loses it bc "oh my god I was unwound, how did this happen? did bruce do it? no no? he couldnt. i died. where am i? talias oh shit - gotta go fast yeet"
- he goes to gotham, doesn't try to kill bruce but does realize how fucked he is. He can barely open doors, has to think constantly to walk. After moping for a while talia finds him, offers to train him, explains he was meant to be a gift. Jay says he doesnt want to go back to bruce, talia fucked him over, she seems guilty so the training still happens, mainly as an urge to finish what she started, and maybe fulfill that initial goal someday
- im the most torn on this bc i think jason would never want to risk being their guinea pig again.
-he does not kill anyone until its a parts pirate. Talia sent him to increasingly pro unwinding people to force his hand for sure. Either to have a reason to cut him off, or to make their moral worldviews align more.
-Jay is def vaguely suicidal, self disgust. So this is punishment for him + scumbags. It also puts the body to a purposeful use, in honor of the kid.
-body dysmorphia duh btw. After this im extra fuzzy on details for jay
- i want him to be part of the anti divisional group, I want him to be a more community driven hero. But is that really in character for him? How would the unwinding world impact his priorities? Would he operate in gothan as the red hood, work as a human trafficker to save those kids?
- this is also the reason I'm not focusing on characters that come after jason much. His impact would need to be felt in some way in the stories, but I dont know where yet
-i think tim is part of a much, much larger family here and he didnt go to a fancy school. In canon his grades are mid, and even tho his parents love him, he has a lot of competition.
- him being robin makes his life a lot harder. Maybe after jack +janet die the gov actually orders most of the kids to be unwound bc state ho budgets etc. The uncle thing is very legitimately needed lmao
- steph storks her baby yes, but now she's able to keep track of their life in a really unhealthy way.
-i don't know enough about babs to know how she'd feel. I think she might be for it, she might even heal her spine with it. But I'm not sold on that fully
-cass is radically anti unwind. She does go to bruce, but honestly in this au she might leave because he does condone it through his inaction
- the justice league must be pro unwinding for conflict in this world to work, and finding out the reasons for that would be so interesting. Hell maybe the justice league wouldn't really be a thing at all, with such clashing morals.
-and idk how unwind ends so no fuckin clue on resolving the conflict AND adding superheroes
Sorry this was so long, and for at least 5 typos. Please steal my ideas and write a better fic than i can ty 😘😘😘
I'll probably end up adding more jason details to this if/when I find a game plan for jay or finish the unwind dystology
#unwind#neal shusterman#jason todd#batfam#au#random ideas#red hood#unwind dystology#my ideas in this post are in a pretty immature state#but still its facintating#my post
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can both mods rate a few ~ships~ i have???? smile
-jadenep
-arajade
-arasol
-jadekat
-vriskan
-daverezi
idk theyre random ones i thought up on the spot except arasol for obvious reasons & jadenep -moon anon
Hihi!!! Mod rose starting off here.
Jadenep - 9/10, what kind of crack did hussie put in WLW ships in homestuck? Like actually I don't think I super hate most of them which is super weird????? ANYWAY JADENEP THEYRE BOTH SUPER SILLY I THINK THEYD DRAW FURSONAS TOGETHER
Arajade - 9/10, they could have a VERY funny dynamic [but when doesnt aradia have a funny dynamic w someone in a ship? Never]
Arasol - I've rated it before, heres what I said then with a few addons to be more on topic: 7/10, it cute and i can appreciate the angst, but they kinda have 'dated in middle school for awhile' vibes? and the fanbase [spesifically, fic writers] really soured it for me?? its cute though. Also I think Aradia either works better shipped with other characters or just straight up on her own.
Jadekat - 7/10, There's some cannon precident for this iirc??? It's plenty cute, but if I was going to ship them it'd be pitch. I think that could be the funnest. Nothing wrong with it, nothing to particularly write home about either.
Vriskan - 4/10, Can be cute but I feel like people ignore the fact that they broke up for SUPER valid reasons and that Kanaya doesn't have to be boiled down to Liking Vriska or Liking Rose. Pesterquest is SUPER guilty of this for example. Not the worst ship out there but It's not my favorite by a long shot either.
Daverezi - 8/10, anyone who says they never shipped them at all is a damn lier. Though I do perfer terezi in wlw ships, they have a special place in my heart as THE middle school couple who broke up but are still besties
and mod dave finishing it with my opinions
jadenep: 9/10, haven't got much to add, had the exact same 'fursona maker' thought as rose and just cat x dog is very funny to me (possibly pitch to reference the cat and dog thing... could b cool...)
arajade: 7/10, they both have that kinda whimsical vibe and i think they would enjoy hanging out together. i dont think i could see them in a relationship though because they both have abandonment issues in opposite directions
arasol: 1/10, i know i've rated this before and i might've been nicer then but i hate this, specifically pale. i don't even enjoy the angst. the one point is for the fact that the scene after aradia explodes with sollux taking his glasses off and crying is my alltime favourite homestuck panel
jadekat: 5/10, i prefer them more as friends because i can't see jade getting into a relationship with someone who she literally had to auspice with himself. i do think they're besties though, she pulls him out of his own ass when he gets in too deep.
vriskan: 2/10 yeahh like rose said, they broke up for really valid reasons and as much development vriska could go through i dont think she could reach a point where she would make a good partner to literally anyone other than egbert and terezi
daverezi: 8/10, i'm a damn liar guys. as high as i'm rating them, i don't ship them and i would never go out of my way to search for content or read fics. that being said their dynamic is fucking hilarious and i love them as best friends in fics who dated and never acknowledge it except to make fun of each other for how low their standards are.
#mod rose#mod dave#jade harley#nepeta leijon#aradia megido#sollux captor#karkat vantas#vriska serket#kanaya maryam#dave strider#terezi pyrope#jadenep#arajade#arasol#jadekat#vriskan#daverezi#rose says things#moon anon
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I wish you luck with your endeavors with the Sleuths- all I'm gonna say is that I ended up simping for/ releating heavily to Y/N in that story-
Okay okay back to THE MEAT-
I don't wanna ruin any plot peices however, the idea that Y/N shows the boys how people are supposed to treat them seems like a important peice of the pie.
I can fully imagine this super shy Y/N learn about how shittily their current "handler" is being and get Sun to talk about said treatment giving him a safe space. Mind you maybe this comes up in casual conversation and Sun says it like it's no big deal.
Do you this this Y/N would be proactive in their want to help Sun/Moon? (Of course once they get to know them more cuz anxiety is fun)
*Deep breath*
As an anxiety riddled idiot myself... I will absolutely bend over backwards and go out of my way and basically ruin myself to help someone in need I'm even slightly close to? It is a problem lol.
BUT that said, I DO feel like this YN would be an absolute bleeding heart, and while they aren't really 'well off' themself, especially if we go the artist route (ordering out that much just for a chance to talk to this dude would hurt their wallet -oh god is this a crush or just the crippling loneliness theyd didn't realize they had???-) learning even a bit about how they're doing this job for some other human thats basically forcing them to or they'll kick them to the curb would light a blind rage inside.
It would take a bit to actually manifest into action though. Don't wanna overstep or push too hard cause what if saying something about that would push them away from you? What if one day you said the wrong thing, and then the next time they made a delivery they just...
Handed the food off and left. Like they're supposed to. What if they DIDN'T sit around and talk for fifteen-twenty minutes, or make sure that your delivery was the last stop so they could make some excuse to stay over for the night(Moons introduction pending???)
What if you lost your currently only local... friend? Are you friends? Becuase YOU thought something that's working for them is bad and YOU want them to change their whole life just cause YOU're reading too much into a situation?
But talking more, realizing they're actually unhappy about it, cause this human is NOT their friend as much as they claim them to be(realizing they call them their friend to be polite but it always lacks the same bounce and energy as when he calls YOU friend, or sunshine, or any other cute little pet name he's picked out for the day). It always falls flat. Like it's forced. Like the lines of his smile strain when he dips into discussing his personal life...
No, that's too heartbreaking, for such a wonderful sweet PERSON like him to have to deal with. They have their freedom now, but they're still being treated like a tool? Not on your watch.
You start making the effort of inviting him to stay over, and it starts to become second nature, even on days when you havent ordered food, to hear the soft knock on your front door, different patterns but always the same tone, that you have a visitor for the night.
CUE MOON REVEAL. Because everyone loves a sudden power outage. He's WELL aware of how friendly you've been with Sun, casually commenting in the back of his mind, convinced there's something wrong with you and teasing constantly BUT he also is under the full belief that you're full of shit and using him somehow. There's an ulterior motive. There has to be. So far out of every human they've interacted with, you're the only one that treats them THIS different.
Yeah some are nice enough, but the interactions are short and dismissive. The guy they work for now is a complete dick and insists Moon not be let out at all. He's scared of him, and for good reason. He's tired of being cooped up though, so when you and Sun were sitting in the livingroom, something queued up on the TV, you working on a commission on the couch with the golden animatronic crosslegged on the floor and leaning back against the seat next to you.. Well.
Lights out, and time for an introduction.
He had a hunch you were considering asking about him staying with you, but you still had no idea there was this other side to sun. And Moon is about to push ALL of the buttons that should make you abort. He's very good at that.
He knows better than to kill you, though. Sun wouldn't forgive him. But if he can make you show off your true colors, how you'd handle Moon, if you'd make the same cruel decision to keep him locked away and missing his half of this new freedom, well. That's one thing he and Sun had talked about in the past. Something that always made him hesitate to mention Moon existing. He was scared Moon would be right.
(tune in next time for 'how unhinged and dangerous is moon currently? who fucking knows!')
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So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter
Im rambling about my life because i feel like it
mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up
I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...
But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me
3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition
so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon
and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")
But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.
/idk man/
But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"
Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?
Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them
What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective
Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down
Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult
But like ive asked others too
In the same pantheon
That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma
Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people
I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.
Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people
Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it
But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life
Pendulum with Zeus:
Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people
Yes
Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?
Yes
I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.
So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh
Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods
Going to him more often now honestly
I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa
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Rereading some of Pete Wentz's old blog posts and found the most harringrove entry.
[noone ever fell in love with anyone because of empty pockets or red splotched eyes. drove around for hours tonight just to keep myself from feeling anchored. weighed down. to keep my mind off thinking about what kids like me deserve. desperation isnt a strong enough word (but it will have to do). my wrists are only black and blue cause i don’t got the balls. nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. i got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. i got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. we’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it. im the latest bloomer (dried out my wet dreams and saved them for a rainy day). i can still see you standing on my front porch- slowed my own thoughts down to a single blade of grass. you couldnt catch my eye cause i was too busy rolling them. the buttons on one side of your coat that wouldnt snap on the other side. they were just for fashion not for function you told me. you were pretty for a boy. it made me laugh when i thought of it, im sorry i wasnt laughing at what you were saying. it makes me laugh still- when im driving around for hours at night. id love to swerve off and blame it on the fog, but ive been talking on these roads too much lately. theyd spill all my secrets. this city won’t let me go.]
This first half is Billy, talking about how he feels stuck in Hawkins. His thoughts a cycle of the slurs and insults his dad throws at him, and the shameful fact that his dad isn't wrong. He looks at Steve and thinks he's pretty, and it makes him want to die but at the time time it makes him want to laugh because who would've thought his old man would be right? But he chooses to laugh because that's just easier. He drives, he drives too fast, and he thinks about how easy it would be to lose control. Just another tragic accident, but is anyone suprised? Tragic deaths are what kids like Billy deserve.
[im sure theyd lock me up somewhere if anyone saw me at 23 sneaking into cemetaries. taking pills to make me feel okay sleeping in the grass just above you. the sirens find me at the first light. my lips cracked and dried from the tears, i'll probably die a cliche. flash the lights to kissing boys. provocative. i promise you i wont ever have another afternoon like when we used to sneak out of school and drive the lakeshore. noone will ever sound as cool as you. we built cool. we made up style. we set the standard and theyre all just trying to live up to it. if theres nobody who thinks like us anymore. untouchable is unlovable. you always have me humming in my head just out of key. i bought an alarm clock just so i could hit the snooze button. whats the point in getting out of bed anymore if you only get out to say you did. if you could love the biggest fraud or the best liar- then im your prince. i was made just for fashion not for function.]
The second half is Steve. He finds the letter years after Billy has died. But as he reads it over and over again, he can't help but feel like it's not complete. So he sits down at Billy's grave like he so often does and he writes. Be writes how he feels like he's empty, unlovable and broken. Hidden behind years of lies and NDAs, no one could ever know the real him. He could never explain the scars, the nightmares, the paranoia. He finds solace in his memories of warm days spent with Billy at the Quarry. Billy telling him tales of California, and promising he'd take Steve to the beach, a real beach, once he'd saved up enough money to move back home. An event that never happened because Billy died before he could. He died in the town he felt stuck in and now he was truly stuck forever, under the grass and dirt below Steve's feet. Steve wonders how long it'll take him to join Billy down there?
#steve harrington#billy hargrove#harringrove#bewarethegrim#stranger things#tw suicide#tw death#tw suicidal thoughts#tw child abuse#TW homophobia#this is really sad#Pete wentz stop being gay and sad challenge#i saw this on twitter and then the ghost of emo days past possesed me and now its been written#someone go back to 2009 and hug pete please#hes so sad
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helloeth dear author headcANON here, my phone blew up for several hours and i wasnt able to get on tumblr :((( but now i can and now i will proceed to yell into your askbox. today we are making up shit about everyone's favourite cat, molly <33 i love her shes so silly
a calico is not a breed but rather a coat descriptor, a calico is a cat of any breed who displays an even coverage of three different colours, which is why i like to imagine that shes a calico norweigan forest cat, mostly because those cats are known to be absolutely bloody massive and according to the height chart (yes headcANON is old, old) molly is 7'4, plus they are very soft and fluffy
to me she literally looks like spottedleaf from warrior cats, just fluffier
this also makes me hc that if she were to be a human, she would be norweigan/slavic
she has heterochromia, one green eye and one blue eye and she used to be a bit self conscious about it but as soon as she hit her twenties like with most insecurities she just stopped caring
molly always had an interest in science, particularly in living sciences such as biology, ecology, zoology, and also monster-ology? bestiology? the study of monsters, i like to imagine this was spurred on from her childhood, i can see her coming from a family where her mum or dad was very sickly maybe with an incurable disease and so she wanted to set out and cure it, so she absolutely jumped at the opportunity to work for the council - to bad it wasnt everything she'd hoped it would be
perhaps molly may also be genetically prone to developing this disease later on in life, which would just make her want to research it even more
i also think she'd come from a working class family, she had to start working from quite a young age and throughout her time at college and uni
she is hard of hearing! because i am too, and shes one of my favourite characters :))
i think collars are a sort of fashion piece for cat monsters (dog monsters too), molly wears one, it was given to her by her mum, its a small green collar with a golden bell on it
her handwriting is really elegant, but most of the time she has to write quite quick so it turns into doctor-scratch
she was really good friends with life, i think theyd have tea together in life's garden
paints her claws :) probably pink or blue, takes real good care of em
she never really thought she would have kids, mostly because she doesnt like men lol, but she was open to adoption and has always been quite motherly and caring since she grew up the oldest out of her siblings
when she was unofficially tasked with looking after error, this side of her really came out, and she didnt quite know how to feel about it, she shouldnt be so nice to someone to like error, hes hurt people and if he wasnt so heavily drugged up, he could kill her too, but she didnt think he was like that, she saw the good in him, she listened to him babble on about the goings on inside of his dreams, and they would have short, disjointed conversations where she would ask him what was important to him, who he loved, his favourite food - she saw the side of him no one believed existed
she had nightmares for several nights leading up to the date of error's execution, worried that something would go wrong, worried that nothing would go wrong, worried that she'd be haunted by him knowing that this wasnt right
she used to have a big crush on sf!undyne, that attraction quickly died when she realised just how cruel she could be
on mollys breaks, she goes and writes haikus, it calms her down :)
did catnip once, never again
- headcANON
OOOOOOHHHHHHH YEAHHHHB THESE ARE FANTASTIC!! I feel like an angel just descended from the heavens and handed me this wonderful gift. These are so real and fit her character so well uWAHHHH.
Also she canonically is a lesbian!! I decided that a while ago. She gives me fem x fem vibes.
ANON I WOULD LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW, (and anyone else who may be reading this) LOOK FORWARD TO MORE MOLLY LORE SOON!!!!! HER STORY IS NOT OVER.
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yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to
but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders
is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!
like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd
like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view
and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!
some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.
its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!
and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated
gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine
and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo
in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt
and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder
ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl
cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!
and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados
but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"
which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them
also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy
if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!
(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)
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SADHUIESHFU HI THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABT MCKAMEY MANOR THIS WONT BE COHERENT AND WILL SOUND RLLY RLLY WEIRD
(abuse tw)
so!!!!! mckamey manor is this thing that says it's a haunted house but its more like a place people go to get tested to the absolute max/torture house. you go into this guy's building and for the next few hours, you will go through absolute hell. you will be dunked in water, made to eat bugs sometimes, tied up, blindfolded, etc etc. you are not allowed to leave unless you are injured very very badly or you're mental state is in shambles. it starts with like shoving and what not and escalates from there. sometimes its recorded too. imagine like saw except they dont kill u
its been a long time since ive looked into it so i dont remember most of the details, but one of the things people would do is have to crawl around a rat maze while being sprayed by hoses. in another theyd put duck tape all over u. it was rlly fucking weird and people KNEW what they were getting into and what would happen to them there, yet theyd still do it. some people would do it multiple times
I was absolutely obsessed with this and spent weeks and weeks researching it (without watching any of the actual footage because what the fuck) because I needed to know how someone could 1. come up with this 2. go through this 3. what happened to them there and afterwards and 4. just why in the actual fuck. it was the only thing i would talk about for so long and my father actively tried to avoid having conversations with me during that time due to this. the guy who made it, smth McKamey, was in the military at one point and I remember reading smth abt how his staff was not trained or anything like that?
it was absolutely terrifying and just hell and I have no words to describe just what in the actual fuck it was or explain why it interested me so much because the whole thing actually scared the shit out of me (i think it was mainly the thought process and psychology behind it cuz at the time i was also rlly into how humans work and psychology and all that) but yeah ty for allowing me to rant abt it! i swear i am normal
ive been trying for a long long time to come up with something coherent to say and i thought that watching that video would make it easier but honestly: my only thought is "hey. what the fuck is wrong with russ mckamey"
hmmm also mood about parents avoiding conversations because there's only one thing you'll talk about <//3
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up at 4am, reading some stuff and painting. i had a caramel macchiato at like 11-12 T_T
at this time it feels like im the only one left in the world, no breath but mine, no warmth just a cold abyss i am but in a small section of. its nostalgic of my adolescence. not being able to sleep in middle school so id stay up all night drawing, playing my 3ds, looking at vines. lots of music, lots of thinking over my life constantly.
i hate the constant loneliness that follows me like a ghost who can't move on. its crippling, no matter where i go it clings to me, whispering in my ear no one cares and there is no one whos there for you but you. you, me, the person i like to be with the least.
at these times i want to love myself but i feel hollow, like usual. myself is so far away most days, im not truly sure who i am or what im doing. if im able to accomplish things. i need to believe and trust myself that i can do it, i cant give in to the same intrusive thoughts that bombard me day in and day out. i will believe, but my motivation is unstable like me.
i hope so badly i can become someone and not disappoint the people i love and not myself. i want to do this for myself. even though my family encourages me i know deep down theres a part of them who thinks i could be incapable of escaping turbulent living situations, my mind, basic struggles of life as an adult. i feel this often too, part of my problem right? im aware of everything thats wrong with me. i take measures to fix it, last a few days maybe before the routine is broken and im neglecting myself again. this person is ever changing, in a way i find it hard to relate to.
theres things about me i love and i know deep down that is truly me. but its only those interests and attachments. if i look into the mirror i see a million different people that i am and am not at the same time. i want to be whatever makes people happy, i want to make people laugh and feel good, sinking into myself so i can hopefully not mess up and avoid them hating me or finding me awkward and uncomfortable.
i will keep trying day by day to reach these goals. i hope i can continue to fight my mind even though its a bloody battle every single day, i cant stop trying. i think about how precious life can be and useless at the same time. it could be okay to let go someday, before nature takes its course. maybe someday there will be nothing to lose. i kind of dont want to outlive my parents though i know thats how theyd prefer it to be. everyone goes through this and im terrified of how itll affect me, how much more alone in the world i feel. people who know so much about me being unreachable. i want to be gone first but thats selfish of me to torture them with my passing.
so many selfish thoughts. i wish theyd all shutup.
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hi guys dont mind me being insane again
im not tagging this too much cus its more of a personal ramble cus idk im feelin silly today and the BPD hits too hard. i wont be explainin what BPD is either so if u dont know either look it up or ignore this post,,
man i. have you ever loved someone so much you cry? /pos
like man i. its not romantic, may i clarify. most of my fps, except for my main one, are platonic. one of them is familial even
but i just. i feel like such a parasocial freako but i genuinly feel so intensely. its so positive too. if you ignore the crippling paranoia i always have abt my fps hating me or me being so intense they get uncomfortable...
but i just??? im not. normal about them.
i dont wanna sound creepy but they make my world so much better. id take a bullet from them. if give anything for them to be alright. i genuinly just REALLY enjoy their company and knowing theyre having fun with me aswell. knowing they enjoy me as a person. that im not a nuisance for the people i love the most.
and gosh i really hope they dont see this. i would feel so ashamed and embarassed if they did.
luckly i have better ways of copying with distress, attachment issues, jealousy, possesiveness, and all that other FUN (not) stuff that comes with BPD or rather specifically having an fp. A nice trustworthy psychologist (if u can afford it) does wonders to you, let me tell you.
its still hard sometimes but ive learnt to deal with it in ways that arent destructive to my relationships with those around me. i can cool down and such instead of lashing out or splitting for the most minimal things.
but now. for whatever reason. i went on a huge "positive" ramble instead. it was meant to be appreciation at the time, and still is, but i feel like its something that couldve scared them off. i showed some stuff to irl friends and online family, and everyone said theyd feel very appreciated if someone told them that stuff, but i cant help but feel is because they're my loved ones also and stuff. i really. really feel like i was too intense. i suck at showing affection in a normal way, a calm way, subtle way, like a normal person.
at this point i think. sigh i think its better if i just say nice things anonymously. i think if people, in general, not only my fps. but if people dont know affection comes from me they'll take it so much better than if they know its *me* in particular. and idk why! its just my brain being stupid again.
brains love doing that, dont they? being stupid. telling you everyone hates you oh so much no matter what you do. that theyre lying behind your back, and hate you in secret, theyre just being polite and allat.
well let me tell you, dear reader, whoever the fuck might read this, specially if its from the bpd tags: thats not true. sure, there might be assholes out there, but those people you think hate you despite how close you are, most likely dont. and i cant even get this through my own head but my sister repeats it to me all the time. "[name] talks so nicely about you and seems so happy seeing you". even then its hard to believe, i gotta stare at nice screenshots ive saved where i believe ive done something good, something worthy of appreciation, something that has not only meaning but an impact, a possitive one. and i know the chances of them actually hating me are low, but i still believe more in those chances than the proof.
i feel a bit delusional in a way. and i mean, i am, often times. but this is one of those thoughts- those god dammed thoughts where you're self aware yet- yet it doesnt shake the feeling away, you know? like no there is no proof, no logical proof at least, only what your mind twists into proof. but you still just "know it", yknow? even if you dont actually know shit and are very wrong. you feel like you do and it- it fucking sucks.
dont even get me started on splits and mood swings, highs and lows. Cause well. THATS NOT THE TOPIC OF THIS POST !! Lmao. i could go on for hours complaining tho. ough.
but yeah!! i just !! sorry, this took a turn. i just. needed to express myself idfk. i'll go back to posting abt minecraft men kissing soon or whatever, sorry normie followers /hj
i love them so much its overwhelming, yet i wouldnt change it for everything in the world, you know? not them. its hard but id rather endure it for them than have them not be THIS level of special to me anymore.
i really REALLY hope theyre not. uncomfortable by it tho. and wont dump me for it. i really wish i had a guide to how to and how to not mess up. so i could avoid doing dumb shit on accident.
and its funny cause theyre ppl that would absolutely tell me if im doing shit that bothers them, yet i believe theres smth else, stupid thoughts man. LEAVE ME ALONE FREDDY MERCURY!! UR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD !! /ref
sighhhh anyhow yeah im dropping it here. bpd is a bitch. and to anyone out there dealing w it? godspeed. you can do this, i know life already sucks and this shitty dissorder doesnt help, but i know you can push through, mi gente bella.
Pearlo out. BPD hours rlly seem to be hitting at around 11-12 am, huh? /ij
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"uhhh bluuhh we all know if a REPUBLICAN was in charge theyd do the same thing" wow it's almost as if democrats and republicans are the same but democrats are defended by shitstains like you who think blue fascism is somehow better than red fascism. go kill yourself so nobody ever has to put up with your shit understanding of politics ever again
This right here is the brain rot that I am speaking of. Let’s dissect this atrocity of a response
“Wow it’s like demos and republics are the same”
That is my point, glad we are on the same page
“Demos are being defended by shitstains like you”
Seems someone needs reading classes~ I didn’t defend them AT ALL, and the instant insults shows how little thought you put into this response.
Rest? Just useless personal attacks to someone who YOU AGREE with but also show your lack of knowlage on global politics. We have a thing called “Soft Power” that keeps certain countries from bombing up to death, by fear of what we COULD do. What better way to show those who want to bomb us that they should fear us, than by war. Thank you for some surface level thoughts, my blog could use examples of negative thinking that makes me not trust anything news related from this site.
To help clear this up further for those lacking critical thinking skills, I DONT support this war or any war. I just find it incredibly short sided to act like one side is evil when both sides would eagerly do the same thing for the same effect. Also if I am wrong here, please present facts and not insults. (Yes I insulted you, but fair is fair thanks to that shitstain comment)
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Haikyu Characters Reacting To Their S/O Screaming Back At Them
Aoba Johsai
Read Part Two Here
kyotani Kentaro
-everyone knows kyotani for his anger and how he doesn’t suck up to people so when they found out he was dating someone they had to assume this someone had the ability to put him in his place and right now that’s just what they needed
“ mad dog-chan you can’t do this not right now“ oikawas voice rang through in annoyance
“ yeah we need you to go in “ iwazumis voice sounded tired as if he was exhausted by trying to convince the boy for the past 5 minutes during their halftime (long timeout)
kyotani grunted as he turned from both of his teammates looking to the wall as he sat on the bench
“ coach seriously — we need him and he’s just on the bench doing nothing “
“ he said he’s tired of you guys only calling him in for 5 minutes and then sitting him back out like an animal— that you use to show off and then send outside when company’s gone “
“ well he’s our secret weapon “ oikawa screamed “ that’s literally what you do “
kyotani grumbled as he rolled his eyes at oikawa who huffed as he moved to turn to the bleachers “ oh forget this he’s not even listening to iwa-chan “
“ well you know what to do flatty-kawa “
“ duh you see i’m doing it iwa-chan”
oikawas hand came up in a wave as he moved to the referee whispering to them as they spoke on the speaker their voices crisp sending a chill through kyotani’s spine
“ we need a y/n l/n to come down to Aoba Johsais Bench — A y/n L/n to come down to Aoba Johsais bench “
you stood up smiling widely as you jumped your way through the crowd voice heaven sent as you screamed “ that’s me “
moving through people talking sweetly “ oops — sorry — sorry have to go take care of a loose hothead—whoops—you should really watch where you place that drink “
you hopped down the stairs waving at the team and the referee as you came to a stop in front of kyotani who was even more mad than he was initially
“ babe whats up why are they calling me down here again “ you sighed “ it’s only happened five other times and I thought we got past it “
“ they say that like it’s nothing “ kindaichis voice came out small as he rubbed the back of his head
“ kyotani “ you called confused usually he would answer you by now and comply and go play for a little while just to make you happy so you could go sit down on the bench to watch his game closely
“ uh somethings wrong iwa-chan “
“ yeah somethings off he’s not responding to her this time “
“ kyo what— “
“ if anything he looks like he’s gonna snap “
oikawa laughed at his comment “ yeah right y/n ‘ s too nice he’d feel horrible if he snapped at ‘em —they’d probably cry he wouldn’t do it “
oikawas face dropped as he heard the loud voice ring out inside the gym “ GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME“
you shuddered at his voice “ your even more fucking annoying than that dumbass over there “
your mouth dropped “ all you do is come down here and bother me everytime and I only go in for you — i’m not doing it this time i’m gonna stand my ground”
he screamed “ they use me for those 5 minutes and then toss me out i’m not doing it — like I said i’m sitting right here on this bench and standing my fucking ground “
your face went up in shock as you felt your body flinch at his voice kyotani and the rest of his team immediately feeling bad at what the whole gym just witnessed everyone listening closely feeling sorry for you
Oikawa moved to glare at kyotani as he walked over to wrap his arms around you “ aw y/n-chan it’s ok to cr— “
“ YOU SCREAM AT ME ONE MORE TIME LIKE THAT AND IM GONNA KNOCK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF WITH THE BAT MY DAD WACKS INTRUDERS AT HIS STORE WITH “ your screams came out louder than his as you stared down at the boy in front of you
“ I don’t care if you go out there and wipe the floor down with fucking towels or scrape it clean with a toothbrush but your going out on that court kentaro“
your voice was stern “ you better be glad they even give you 2 seconds on that court you love so much with your shitty attitude —if it was me i’d make you a bench rider the whole season while you watch shittykawa smirk at you everytime he goes up for a set that you won’t get “ your screams catching the whole gym off gaurd
“ so your gonna go out there and stand your fucking ground on that court “ you mocked him hand pointing from him to the court
Kyotani’s body shaking at your tone “ kentaro “ you spoke his name like a curse as he jolted and race to stand in his position on the court head never turning back to look at you again as you continued
“ You will score everytime you go up for that ball — everytime you hit something or come in contact with it— I want a point on that board do you hear me“
“ yes “
“ kentaro “
“ yes ma’am “
you moved to fix your clothes as you stared at everyone in the crowd “ everytime my boyfriends feet leave that ground you better clap your asses off do you hear me “
everyone shook their heads in a yes motion afraid of you and how such a big yell could come from such a small person
You smiled at the team before you took your seat on the bench near the coach who read off all his plans for kyotani that hed never listened to
“ oh trust me we’ll do that plan “ you said as you shook your head ignoring all the whispers from the males around you
“ do they know the game doesn’t start back up again until 5 minutes from now “ mattsukawas voice came out in concern
“ I —uh I don’t think they care “
“ oikawa what’s wrong with you “ iwazumi turned to see oikawas face made up in a frown as he sulked
“ pretty y/n-chan called me your stupid nickname “
oikawa
-oikawa never liked losing especially when it was to someone younger than him someone he didn’t like so you can imagine his anger when he lost to Karasuno
-no one expected the hallway to erupt in his screams so soon
“ tooru what’s wrong “
“ i’m just a little tired y/n i’m ok “
“ no but you — you look angry “
he took a deep breath as he shook his head in annoyance moving to walk off you standing in front of him stopping his exit
“ ok then if I look angry why the fuck would you stand in front of me “
“ because I “
“ because your fucking annoying that’s what it is “
“ tooru”
“ no don’t baby me y/n I don’t need you or anyone else to tell me I played good and I was amazing obviously I wasn’t if your standing here talking to me in a hallway and not in front of me while I celebrate on the court “
“ it’s ok baby — you can still win a volleyball nat— “
he lost his cool as he screamed looking down on you “ WHEN Y/N WHEN HUH “
he screamed harshly “ it’s over — are you fucking stupid there is no next time shitty kageyama took it there’s no next time for me — fuck we’re— we’re third years “
his voice sounded bloody by his screams that sounded throughout the hallway his team coming in to check and see if everything was ok receiving their answer when they turned the corner to you taking over
“ if I knew you were so fucking stupid I wouldn’t have dated you you were probably the bad luck charm that made me lose my shitty gam—“
“ the only thing that made you lose this game was you asshole “
your voice was laced with venom as you shot at him screaming constantly “ you and your shitty need to keep working endlessly maybe if you didn’t have a hurt knee — oh wait howd you get that “
you pretended to think “ oh I know FROM OVERWORKING YOURSELF “
you pushed a finger to his chest “ when I say your gonna make it to a nationals someday your gonna make it to a nationals someday you don’t doubt me is that clear “
his face was in fear as his mouth opened wide in a o form unable to process an answer
“ is that clear tooru oikawa “ you screamed
the team letting out yes’s for him as he moved to look back at them before he turned to you shaking his head like a puppy whod accidentally peed in the house
“ I need words “
“ y-fuck y—yes y/n — baby I mean ma’am — shit I mean yes baby “
you moved to stand straight as you cracked your neck and let a smile play on your face as you turned away from him walking to the entrance of the gym “ ok — babe I meant to tell you i’m gonna go say good game to kageyama- kun you go to the busses and make them wait for me ok “ you waved at him as you opened the door “ love you “
“ they wouldn’t dare leave ‘em “ kyotani’s voice came out in a laugh
“ fuck leaving them — theyd let ‘em drive“ hanamaki joked with mattsukawa who was screaming in laughter
your body entering the gym and walking over to kageyama who straightened up turning to speak to hinata who stood in fear
“ you speak nothing of what we heard to y/n-senpai“
“ y-yes ka-kageyama “
“ kageyama-kun youve grown up so much I love it“ you said holding your arms out to him speaking like he was a baby
“ h-hi y/n-senpai “
“ DID YOU KILL THE GREAT KING “
#kageyama#kags#kags x reader#hinata headcanons#haikyuu hinata#hinata x reader#hinata shōyō#hq hinata#hinata shoyuo#oikawa tooru#oikawa angst#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa imagine#oikawa fic#oikawa headcanons#oikawa x y/n#oikawa scenarios#iwazumi headcanons#iwazumi x reader#iwazumi hajime#iwazumi hcs#iwazumi imagines#iwazumi scenarios#kyotani kentaro#hq kyotani#kyotani x y/n#kyotani headcanons#kyotani drabble#kyotani angst#kyotani kentaro x y/n
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