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1-800-c0sm1c · 2 years

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꒰crossteaming !꒱

genshin characters as your streamer bf/gf !

character x gn!reader

includes albedo, childe, kaeya, xiao, and hu tao!

warnings : none.

a/n : these ended up being longer than i expected, so im splitting up the post a bit <3 hope you enjoy :D

ALBEDO - THE MINECRAFT YOUTUBER

albedo gives me wilbur soot vibes, minus the height.

if anyone in genshin were to join a minecraft smp just to reenact hamilton and be a jason dean kinnie, itd be albedo and im absolutely right about this.

teaches klee how to play too, his most popular stream was when they beat the ender dragon together :)

he also seems like the type to strictly use minecraft education edition, which is also totally valid because some of the recipes in there are literally so cool ???

pulls a dantdm and has his own minecraft lab and everything, doing all his silly little experiments!

“surcose, we need to sell drugs out of a van RIGHT NOW.”

when chat found out you and albedo were dating, there were two reactions.

one side was really happy for you both, the other was albedos parasocial fangirls who immediately put you on a hitlist.

seriously, if you had a dollar for everytime you were @ed in tweets about writing your name in a death note, youd have enough money to pay for every single persons therapy appointments.

youre always there to cheer him on when hes in mcc, his own little personal cheerleader :)

you show up at his office and just.. stand in front of the door, staring at him through the window. it sounds weird yes, but the shocked expression on his face is worth the wait for him to notice.

CHILDE - THE GRAND THEFT AUTO ONLINE ROLEPLAYER

“no chat i have not gone red. im just startled, thats all.”

childe is the type of fella to participate in the most wacky roleplays on gta online, and i am sticking by this headcannon.

hes done everything from a drug empire to owning his own country, nothing is off limits.

surprisingly hes a really good actor? when youre watching his streams you dont get the cringey second hand embarrassment, its just fun entertainment :D

it took his chat wayyy to long to realize how fine he is, although to be fair he did have mostly men watching him. (not like thats an excuse or anything.)

i feel hes definitely been nominated for a streamy before! whether or not you think he deserves to win is up to you though LMAO

“only a small percentage of my viewers are actually subscribed-”

childe leaked your relationship by accident once by having a tab open of your instagram while he was streaming.

when chat confronted him, he kind of just… ended stream. (real smooth.)

fans went to your instagram afterwards and saw pictures of you two together and started posting them to twitter, and childe ended up on trending because of it.

you felt indifferent to the whole thing, but childe was panicking. he didnt want to let his viewers into that part of his life just yet, but he was, scientifically speaking, caught lacking.

you dont appear on streams much, and childe still avoids allegations about your relationship entirely. its not that he doesnt want to show you off, he does! he just doesnt like having less differentiation between his online persona and his private life.

“whos instagram are you stalking…? thats gonna be all from me chat goodnight!”

KAEYA - THE VALORANT STREAMER

kaeya doesnt play valorant because hes good at it, but because its fun to mess with the fanbase.

you know THOSE vtubers who are.. weirdly sexual? kaeya is like that but he does it in a satirical way.

likes messing with the homophobes too, but everyone still debates on what his sexuality is (kind of like jschlatt.)

definitely is problematic on twitter on purpose just to get people to talk about him, hes a little bit of an attention whore but we love him anyways <3

has never apologized for anything hes said or done EVER, and doesnt plan on it either.

“what do you mean i got canceled on twitter AGAIN? its only been 3 days!”

chat didnt believe him when he said he was in a relationship. so be dragged your ass into his room to show them.

it didnt work though, they thought you were a paid actor for the next 2 months LMAO

it got to a point where kaeya was doing literally anything on stream to convince chat, and finally you had enough.

you told him to take a break from streaming, he was way too obsessed with trying to prove something that doest matter to anybody but the two of you.

something finally clicked in his head, and after that you dont appear on camera as much anymore. for the most part people believe that you two are together, but hell still get donations joking around that they dont think youre a couple, simply because its funny.

“thank you for 200 bits! ….i am retracting my thank you.”

XIAO - THE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS PLAYER

i dont have any reason for this connection, other than it feels right.

if xiao werent a league player i would suggest smite, he just seems like hed be more into team games like that rather than overwatch or valorant.

just because hes my favorite doesnt mean im letting him off easily, league players get no rights <3 and xiao is no exception.

unironically listens to k/da as well, knows all the choreography but will literally never admit to it.

everyone in his chat has channel points stacked up to tell him to hydrate, he tends to forget when he gets really into the match.

“stream more by k/da for clear skin. no i will NOT be giving you a demo, i dont want a dmca.”

youre xiaos number one bully, and chat is always there to back you up.

when i played lol i was an ahri main, so stick with me here, its about to get real self indulgent.

youre a cosplayer, and one of your favorite ways to mess with your boyfriend is to dress up as his favorite characters. (peak s/o behavior right there.)

chat teased him heavily for his reaction, you could hear my chemical romance being blasted from the bedroom that night.

something about the cosplayer x gamer trope is just sooo <3

“you have no respect for league of legends players.” (duh - an ex league player)

HU TAO - THE DEAD BY DAYLIGHT PLAYER

when hu tao first heard about dbd i imagine she thought it would be an easy way to gain new clients, now she sticks around because its fun to terrorize people as killer, and be an absolute menace as survivor.

i think shed be a nurse main, but one of those that are insanely good at playing nurse. she wins the game in no time because her teleports are perfect.

i can only imagine how many people have rage quit because of her.

along with dead by daylight, i see her just overall being a horror game player. lots of five nights at freddys, resident evil, etc.

shes never gotten scared on camera before, chat has tried but shes always one step ahead.

“i lied, i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on i need to explain to you the entirety of the five nights at freddys timeline.”

hu taos favorite pastime is scaring you, she stays on top of the newest horror content specifically because of that. (oh, and its also kind of her brand. but she puts you first <3)

shed sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if youre playing dead by daylight together. she always says if at least you survive its good enough of a victory for her too.

she also has gone on record to say yall are playing the security breach dlc the day it drops. run while you still have the chance.

youve tried to convince her to tweet at shayne and ryan about being on an episode of ghost files but everytime she just suggests to play phasmophobia instead. like cmon girl those are two different things.

even thought shes trying to scare you on purpose, you know shes always got your back if something happens.

“ha look at your face! …okay okay im sorry! come here, youre fine, ive got you.”

#✧;;↬ my work.❞┊🍓#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #albedo x reader #kaeya x reader #childe x reader #xiao x reader #hu tao x reader

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the-ninja-legacy-whip · 8 days

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ok well someone has to ask it how does aftershock work with geo in the picture now

.........WELP. Hmm. I suppose this one's long overdue, huh?

The long and short of it is, Legacyverse is and always was planned to end at a specific point in the timeline. Everything that happens in DR and beyond simply just doesn't apply to this universe, even if I and others entertain certain 'what if' possibilities anyway thanks to recency bias and mere curiosity. As there is no Geo nor any explicit love interest for Cole in the former series, it's still free game for me to throw this random pink guy at him instead, and I have no plans to change what I already, well, planned.

And that's that!

...of course, that being said, I doubt that's going to satisfy you. It doesn't satisfy me, in any case T-T)/

gaaaaaaaaaaaah I am. so full of conflict. *lies on floor*

I know at the end of the day it's my story, it's just a story, I can do what I want, bla bla bla...but I haaaaaaate blatantly going against canon, especially for something that isn't a plot hole or weirdly time/placed or comes off as out of character for the situation, and while there's technically no contradictions if I stick with my initial plans and don't even touch DR, it still feels...kinda unintentionally bad, or at the very least, like, intrusive? Somehow? Even if this was all in motion 2-3 years before Geo was even a thought. But. Y'know.

But it's precisely because that Cole went so long without a love interest that I said 'what the heck' and went for it! I know Cole doesn't ~need~ anyone to be happy, but as I've said in previous posts, given many of his (albeit rather few) character beats—fears of abandonment, fears of being forgotten, feeling 'other' from the rest of the group at times, being a naturally good parental figure, being motivated by having someone/something to protect/defend, literally saying in Quest for Lost Powers that having loving people around him, family, is what keeps him grounded–...having one person consistently dedicated to dispelling his insecurities, enhancing his good qualities, and ensuring that he has the family he needs and/or wants for himself (separate from the other ninja or not)...I always thought Cole deserved that much ;w;)/

And, lo and behold, the show finally agrees too!

(And that's not even tapping into the Gay or Not to Gay argument. My Cole is Demiromantic, thank you. ...Just with slight male preference)

...but. Like. What am I supposed to do now?!

Poor Jesse, hasn't even had the chance to worm his way out of one love triangle, and now his future marriage is already in distress with another. Guy can't catch a break in his life T-T)9

I mean, my god, I doubled down and gave these fools a DAUGHTER—how dare I dare to dream—only for two months later to get ran over by a truck with a new found family for Cole?! With children he adores and cares for and protects with his heart and soul?! With a husband-like figure to love, admire, and cherish Cole as he deserves?!

Of course I love this turn of events! It's exactly what *I* was gonna do! :V

Although I didn't even see Geo as a potential interest at first cuz all the subtext totally went over my head (and I thought Cole was just being Cole, on god lmao) and then I'm bombarded with 'LOOK THE POWERS MAKE A HEART!' 'LOOK AT THEM STARING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES!' 'THEY SAID THEY NEEDED EACH OTHER' 'I THINK THEY'RE FLIRTING HERE' and then I'm like....'aight I see it now. Not that whole heart thing, but yeah, there's something there, but it's probably not going to get much focus lmao'

...and the Season 2 swoops in with rose-colored glasses flashbacks, Geo absolutely remembering things way more romantically than they actually were lmfao, A DAMN FAMILY PHOTO, all the little implications of what went down during the years present together, "WE CANT BE A FAMILY WITHOUT COLE", Cole whooshing in all dramatic and cool to save them, them praising each other for good work with their powers, Cole making a little seat of earth just for Geo, and then ofc all the EXPLICIT handholding and DEFINITE loving eye contact (like holy smokes the way Geo always look at their hands in disbelief every time Cole reaches for him how has no one yelled about THAT one ehhhhh?!? aaAAAAAA) and then the Bonzle hug and forehead thing and oooooh don't even get me started with the "...my OTHER family" line gaaaaah and oh my god the season's only half overrrr

Not Pictured: Jesse lying cold in a ditch

(I mean I have the excuse that Cole legitimately thought Jesse—and potentially Cam if she exists—died in the Merge and that's why he let himself start to move on nor made an attempt to look for anyone and it has been several years...but now in this scenario he's got one family he's obligated to, one that's been his family for the majority of his life, and one that he found for himself and doesn't want to be apart from!)

(And I know all these people could just be different, disjointed members of one big group that Cole considers his family regardless–And probably the concept I like the most! Down with nuclear family labels! Let people just be loved without necessarily fulfilling a niche role!—but it's been a point of contention that some people already think he's moving away from his 'old' family in favor of the 'new' one (whiiiiich I do disagree with, but I can see where these people are coming from given how... disconnected Cole has been with current events that aren't related to The Finders. But that's neither here or there, and probably subject to change in future episodes/seasons —hopefully—juuuust thought I'd mention it while I'm on the soapbox)

Anyway, back to the matter at hand:

*shakes Jesse to the sky as he makes a wobbly foil sound* WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS NOW?!?! Do I truly continue to bother, knowing what unexpected pain *not* caused by me lies in wait for him?! Do I forge on anyway, knowing that it's fruitless in the end?! Do I simply ignore the good fortune that I know canonically comes for Cole further down the line beyond the scope of my reach?! Abandon a precious plotline I put so much prep into to maintain the sanctity of something else good that I do genuine enjoy and appreciate the existence of?! Am I just overthinking and overinvested?! Help?!

Well. *claps hands* Let's weigh our options! We cooooould—

Kill Jesse Off Before The Merge (Extreme, but very doable. A clean way to get him out of way, becomes further tragic backstory/motivation for Cole, and then there's no conundrum with Cam's potential existence. ....Except I don't want to, and this would probably cause a riot lol)

Directly To Polyamory (...which would be totally fine if a) Jesse wasn't Jesse, b) this was something everyone involved was on the same about beforehand and not just as an afterthought, and c) couldn't be interpreted as Cole merely going for an easy fix to a problem he's smack in the middle of. Polyamory is not a fix-all bandaid for every love triangle!)

Just Cancel Aftershock Then (SHUT UP IM IN TOO DEEP ALREADY)

Aftershock Breaks Up Before The Merge (Writing on Impossible Mode??? Okay??? Besides, if this happened in the Cam!Route, Jesse would be sooo bitter it would NOT be pretty—)

Just Kill Jesse (NO)

Aftershock Breaks Up After Reunion After The Merge (Probably the most "logical" route but also the most painful, cuz holy smokes Jesse following in his terrible father's footsteps of becoming a divorcee and subsequently single parent like his mom (which happens in Book 5/NS4, heyo), and Cole following his own (mostly) absent father's footsteps in not being entirely actively present for his daughter's formative years after a tragic event, and Jesse once again being picked over for another person only worse because he had something to actually lose this time, and who knows how this would all affect Cam—what kind of a story ending is this, who WANTS this?!

Aftershock Resolves Issues and Stays Together, Cole and Geo are in a QPR, and Now All of Them Co-Parent 3 to 4 Children? THAT–wait...you know what, I can get behind that one. At least until Cole and Geo smooch on screen or confess undying love or something

...But That's Still Technically Polyamory—AND YET one that doesn't cause issues with Jesse's character or any of the relationships within. And we can always use more QPR rep. Plus, this is just for Legacyverse; Cole and Geo can totally gay it up in canon and I will root for them \(*-*)/

...but, this would require writing a whole story to work out the specifics. Because, my ideas get specific. Especially with Geo and his labels. Something maybe about 15 chapters long, taking place during DRS2P1, with Jesse as the anchor character. Maybe some flashbacks, some angst, some fluffy being parent moments, some tension, we get to formally meet Cam, a Miranda and Harleigh cameo, a hopefully happy ending, and even a playlist (which I have never done for a story before, and I almost cried while doing so).

Totally theoretical, though.

(though I promise I'll update Book 3 first. I finally finished the second rework of the Main Outline, woo :V)

Anywaaaay, I'll probably address some of those asks above with more specific answers later down the line, but I am flattered and distressed at the amount of concern for Aftershock. I...kinda thought people would stop caring with the Advent of Geo, honestly. Not that I'd blame anyone ^^;

But, either way, I am committed to my vision, all while loving this new direction for my boy Cole <3

#legacyverse #aftershockshipping #lostshipping #info tag #long post #ninjago spoilers #legacy spoilers #ninjago dragons rising spoilers #cole brookstone #oc: jesse marvell #geo #oc: camellia marvell #cole x oc #oc x canon

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boygiwrites · 9 months

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Harley D. Dixon 8

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note. PSA!! I re-worked the last scene in the previous chapter! (It's just different dialogue and a lot of it was cut to fix the pacing.)

Anyway. Very excited to share this chapter! :)

We spend all day scavenging.

Apparently some people want to start heading to Fort Benning, but Rick wants to stock up before we even think about it. We can't really drive across half the state when we don't even got toilet paper, after all; let alone food or gas.

He leads us from town to town, stopping at random shops, houses, and doctor's offices along the way, in search of supplies. Everybody stays behind in the cars, keeping watch, while the men drag themselves into building after building, coming back more empty-handed each time. I can tell it's starting to weigh on Rick. The last thing anyone ate was that potato salad, and our water bottles are all pretty much empty. We're hungry, tired; miserable — A group made up of growling stomachs and parched mouths.

Ahead of us on the road, Rick honks once and sticks his arm out the driver's window, pointing to a small supermarket he wants to loot.

He takes a left turn, and we all follow him into the parking lot, ready to rinse and repeat.

Everybody parks in front of the store.

My Dad shuts the engine off.

"I'll be back in a bit." He gruffly tells me, pocketing the keys. "Be good. Don't go nowhere unless it's with Dale."

"Okay, Dad."

"And if a walker comes up to the truck, what're you gonna do?"

I sigh. "Scream real loud."

We've been having this exact exchange all day, every time he leaves. We don't talk about nothin' else.

We're not really on good terms, but we're not really arguing, neither.

I think we're at a truce.

That's what happens when two people really want to fight but are deciding not to.

He slowly nods.

Then he grabs his crossbow, hops out, and slams the door behind him.

I watch him re-group with the other men, and they walk off together for the fifteenth time today. It's a pretty dismal routine.

I pass the time waiting for them to come back by reading my book. Dad found it for me back at the book shop. I've been reading it all day. It's about a scruffy cartoon dog named Hairy Maclary, and back home, I used to have almost the entire collection. I think it's why he picked this one. Reading it gives me a familiar comfort that he can't give me right now. It even makes me forget about how hungry I am after a while.

Beside me on the middle seat, there's a pile of other things my Dad's scavenged so far.

On the bottom is an ocean-themed blanket, two pillows, and an armful of clothes that he found in a stranger's house. When we sifted through them, I found a pair of socks that fit me. I slipped them on underneath my new boots. I also found some black jean-shorts and a big, green shirt with a purple frog on it. Frogs are pretty cool. I shimmied them both on to replace my pyjamas. Dad found himself a new pair of steel-toe boots, grey jeans, and a button-up that he ripped the sleeves off. We kept the rest of the clothes as spares.

There's also a half-empty box of bullets, a hammer, craft scissors, and one battery, which took him all morning to accumulate.

My tummy gurgles as I turn the page.

Nobody's found any food yet.

If we could eat batteries or bullets, we wouldn't be so hungry right now, but that's not how it works.

Sighing, I continue re-reading Hairy Maclary for the fifth time today, savouring it by painstakingly studying each picture.

It wastes about ten minutes.

"Whatchu readin'?"

I jump.

Whipping my head to the right, I see Shane walking toward the truck. Oh, God. He just might be the last person I wanna talk to right now.

He reaches the open window and casually crosses his arms over it, but his cheerful demeanour doesn't rub off on me. I try to scoot backward, but the pile of clothes quickly gets in the way. He's standing way too close to me. If he leaned forward just a little, the brim of his cap would touch the side of my head. I don't like that. His military dog tag twinkles innocently in the sunlight. Walsh, it winks at me.

Randomly, I become aware of the fact that there's nobody else around. Something about that isn't right.

"What are you doin'?" I ask.

Don't he know my Dad will shoot him for talkin' to me?

"Oh, you know." He shrugs, smiling. "Thought I'd clock out for a bit, maybe take a lil' break. Nothin' crazy."

Uh... sure.

I don't think Rick would let anybody take a quick break. Not in the sorry state we're in right now. No way. I think he's out here in secret.

He nods toward my book. "So? Whatchu readin'?"

Silence.

"Looks good." He jokes. "I'm a lil' jealous, actually. Maybe once you're done, I'll have to borrow it off ya, huh?"

More silence.

I fold the book in my lap, shielding it from his eyes. I wish I could do the same to my entire body. I don't wanna be doin' this right now. It's like being in the CDC again, that awkward stand-off cloaked in darkness — Only this time, we're in broad daylight.

He clears his throat.

"Your, uh—? Your Dad find that for you?"

"I—"

This is makin' me mad, now. Don't he remember how angry my Dad got before? Does he wanna get shot?

He might be acting stupid, but I won't make the same mistake twice.

Shane is not my friend. Shane is a bastard cop, and I hate him, 'cause I hate bastard cops. I really, really hate bastard cops. Looking at him makes me angry. It makes me even angrier than lookin' at Rick made me, and Rick killed my Uncle Merle, but Shane — Shane ruined everything. He's the reason the car rides are silent now. He's the reason my Dad doesn't feel like the same person no more. He's the reason I couldn't just get belted and be done with it. He just had to walk in. Bastard cop.

He's supposed to save people, but I don't feel very saved.

I just feel angry.

"I ain't talkin' to you." I muster up the dirtiest, nastiest glare I got. "You're a cop. A bastard cop."

His eyes widen.

He wasn't expecting that.

"I'm—" His brows shoot up, and he lifts one hand in surrender. "Harley, I'm just a friend. I'm just here talkin' to you as a friend, okay?"

"You ain't my friend."

"Well, I like to think that you're my friend. And... friends worry 'bout each other, don't they?"

He's worried about me?

I see where this is going.

I don't wanna talk about what happened at the CDC.

"You ain't," I sneer, "My friend. How many times I gotta tell ya?"

I pretend to go back to reading my book, 'cause I want him to go away — just like I wanted him to go away when we were in the CDC. When he talks to me like this, Shane makes me feel like a wobbly tower of cards, ready to fall. He makes me feel like everything I ever knew was just a fairytale, or a straight up lie, like Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. He makes me feel like I'm someone worth feeling sorry for; someone who needs saving.

Well, I don't need saving. He's just gonna have to go save someone else if he wants to do it so bad.

I've been staring at the same word for a whole minute, puffing angrily out my nostrils. I hold the book so tightly that the pages start to crinkle under my thumbs, stretching thin, thin, thin, until they're about to rip under the pressure.

Leave me alone, I wanna scream in his face.

"Can I ask you a question, Harley?"

I take a deep breath, glowering up at him through my bangs.

He glowers right back.

"Is your Daddy your friend?"

"Wh—?"

The page rips.

"'Cause I can tell you what friends don't do." He raises his brows, leaning closer. "I can tell you that friends don't pin ya down 'till you're crying, Harley. I can tell you friends don't shout; don't make ya feel scared. They don't whip ya with belts, Harley. Is that what you think friends do?"

I struggle to speak. I feel like I'm being accused of somethin' I didn't even do.

"I don't kn—"

"Yes, you do. Lemme ask you again." Shane cuts me off. "Your Dad. Is he your friend?"

Yes, is my immediate thought, and I'm— I'm angry again, 'cause this is exactly what I'm talkin' about when I say Shane makes me feel like everything is a confusing trick. I don't like this question. I don't like that he's even asking it. Yes, my Dad is my friend.

I'm overwhelmed with the sudden urge to defend everything he's ever done.

I open my mouth to answ—

"No." He answers for me — Sharp, like a scolding. "No, Harley. He is not your friend."

"Yeah, he is." I'm shocked. "He is my friend."

I love him. If Shane thinks he can just walk over here and start bad-mouthing my Dad, then he's wrong, 'cause it's not gonna work.

"No. He's not." Shane scolds again, but I refuse to listen to him. I'm reminded of my old teachers again. Whenever I was flunking a simple math question, they'd get angry at me, but they couldn't show it 'cause that's not very nice, so they'd settle for sighing and speaking to me very slowly, instead. That's what Shane does. "I know you think he's your friend. I know you think you love him. I'm not saying you don't, sweetheart, okay? I'm not saying that. I'm saying sometimes friends hurt us, Harley, and we need to have a good, hard think about whether or not we want 'em to keep hurtin' us."

"Well—? I—?"

I realize I don't have anything to say. I have a good, hard think about what he means, instead. A friend? A friend hurting me? I think he means my Dad. Yeah. My Dad's my friend and he hurts me, sometimes. It not that hard to understand. At least it wasn't, not until Shane came along and started lookin' at my Dad like he was some type of monster. The dead people, they're monsters, but not my Dad. I swear it's that simple.

"I don't wanna talk about this." I grumble, glaring down at Hairy Maclary as he chases a butterfly.

"Well, I think we gotta, Harley." Shane insists. "This is important. I'm tryna to help you here."

"I don't need your help."

"Why's that?" He asks patiently.

"Because I don't care 'bout any of that stuff." I'm hating all of this. "I ain't scared'a him."

"You see, I don't believe that." He squints. "I don't think you believe that, either."

I am not afraid. I just have to believe this.

"Yeah, I do." I argue.

"Harley—"

"Yeah, I do."

He gets frustrated, gripping the windowsill.

"'Dad, I'm scared'." He quotes. "That's what you said. That's what you said to him, Harley."

Oh. He heard that. Of course he heard that.

"Well, y-yeah, 'cause I was scared of the dark." I dismiss. "It didn't mean anything. Who cares?"

"You're scared—? You're scared of the dark? You're scared of the dark. Okay. Okay." He takes a step back, rubbing his hands down his face, collecting himself. He laughs but he's not finding anything about this funny. He grabs the window again, harder this time. "You really think I don't remember how you ran off in'a them woods and we all had to high-tail it after you, that night camp got over-run? How it was pitch-black, and you didn't even hesitate? You're not scared of the dark, Harley. Don't lie to me. I don't want my friends to lie to me."

"You're ain't my friend." I groan. "Sophia is my friend. Glenn is my friend. My Dad is my friend. Not you."

"You know what?" Shane gives the door a shake. "Why is that, I wonder? Why am I not your friend, but he is?"

Finally, a question that isn't confusing.

"Because he's my Dad, that's why."

I expect Shane to answer straight away, but he doesn't. He just stands there, raising his brows higher and higher with each second that passes. I frown at him, waiting for him to do something. Eventually, he just shrugs. "That's it?" He sasses me. "That's all you got?"

Well... Yeah.

He's my Dad. Is that not enough?

"He protects me." I'm quick to add. "He makes sure I'm safe. He cares about me. He does up my buttons."

"Anybody can do that." He scoffs. "I can do that."

"No. No, you can't."

"Gimme one good reason why."

"'Cause you're a—"

"And don't gimme any more of that bastard cop nonsense, 'cause I don't wanna hear it. Gimme something real." He makes a fist and beats his knuckles against his breast pocket. "Somethin' from in here. Somethin' from the heart, Harley. Somethin' you haven't heard anybody else say first."

Stumped for words, I try wracking my brain. He's a bastard cop. No, I can't say that.

"Come on." Shane pressures me. "Somethin'. Gimme somethin'."

I go through all the reasons I shouldn't want Shane as a friend.

He's mean? No, Shane isn't mean. I had fun catching frogs with him, and he was even gonna build me a tyre swing before we got forced out of the quarry. He constantly puts himself in danger to provide for the group. He looked after Carl and Lori when Rick couldn't. No. He's not mean, but my Dad doesn't want me to be friends with him. My Dad's word is law. That's a good reason. Yeah. I'll say that.

"It's not allowed." I tell him. "That's why."

"What does that mean?" Shane scoffs. "Do you even know, or is this just him speaking again?"

Oh. It is. I'm just recycling things I've heard before.

Why am I doin' that?

Whatever. I'll think of something else.

"Uh—" I struggle. "You-? You're—?"

I can't come up with anything.

Shane shrugs. "You don't have anythin' else for me?"

"You're—"

A bastard cop.

It all comes down to those three same words.

"You're-You're-You're—" Shane mocks me. "Come on, girl. Think."

I give up.

"I can't, okay?" I finally snap, and in one big huff of anger, I throw my book at his chest. He was right. I can't think of any reason why I should hate him. Not even one. All my thoughts are my Dad's thoughts, and when I try to create new ones, it's just a twisted mess of words and ideas that have never even come outta my own mouth before, only in through my ears. It's just a trick. It's impossible. "You win, okay? There's no reason for me to hate you. S'that what you wanna hear?"

"Finally." He chuckles, picking my book up off the ground. "Good. Good girl. That's what I'm talkin' about."

He holds it out to me.

I snatch it off him.

"I don't hate you." I grouch. "Never did. You win."

"Nah, I think you won." Shane rests his hip against the door with his arms crossed. "You learnt somethin' new just now."

"What?"

He looks like he's proud of me when he says, "How to think for yourself."

How to think for yourself.

What does that mean?

My Dad never taught me how to do that, I don't think. He's taught me everything else I know, like how to skin fish, use a compass, and do up my laces, but he hasn't taught me this. Shane taught me this. I guess I've graduated from learning how to catch frogs. This is a little trickier, but I think I understand. Thinking for myself is like a game — Say something Dad has never told me to say. I don't think I'm very good at it.

I must look a little unsure, 'cause he reassures me, "This is good. This is the first step of somethin' really good for you, okay?"

"Really?" I ask.

Shane seems to know a lot about this.

"Really." He smiles. "Now does this mean you're gonna drop that whole I-hate-your-guts act?"

"Oh. Um..."

I really want to hate Shane. It makes everything so much easier. If we're not friends, then that means I don't have to listen to him talk about what happened at the CDC, and I never wanna talk about that again. But I said it myself, just now. There is no good reason to hate him. He ain't mean, he ain't bad at protecting people, and he definitely doesn't hate me back. He wants to be my friend.

If I don't accept, I'll just be making myself look like an idiot.

I guess he tricked me into becoming friends. I don't know how he did that, but it worked.

"Fine. I'll be your friend." I give in, smiling lightly. It feels a little like admitting defeat, but also like breaking free of something I was stuck in. I don't like hating people. If Dad didn't do it first, I don't think would have ever hated Shane. "But on one condition."

I hold up a finger, putting on a serious face.

Shane smiles, "Shoot."

He's looking at me like no matter what I say right now, he's already gotten what he wants.

"My Dad can't know."

This is very important. I might not hate Shane, even if I am still annoyed with him, but my Dad hates him. He also hated Ronnie, and Ronnie ended up in a grassy ditch in the woods behind our house, with his face beaten to a lumpy, sticky pulp. I don't want that to happen to Shane.

"You know, you're a very smart girl, Harley." Shane lowers his voice. "That's right. Your Dad can't know."

I nervously pick at the skin on my lip. "I've never kept a secret from my Dad before."

"That's alright." Shane soothes. "That's good. That means you're a good person. I'm a good person, too. But this here is our secret now, okay?"

"So, we're friends now? You promise not to tell?"

"That's right." He says. "I promise. You know why?"

"Why?"

"'Cause I won't ever do anythin' to put you in danger, Harley. I want you to remember that."

He puts his hand on my shoulder.

I won't let anything happen to you.

That's somethin' Dads say to kids. That's something my Dad's said to me. But Shane's not my Dad. He's not anybody's Dad.

When we first arrived at the quarry, I remember thinking that Shane and Lori were Carl's parents. Whenever the other kids wanted to play with Carl, they would always go ask permission from them, just like they'd ask permission from Carol if they wanted to play with Sophia. They'd also hover around him all day, making sure he wasn't getting into trouble, and put him in time-out when he was.

Only parents are allowed to do those things.

I think Shane also thought he was Carl's Dad, 'cause when Rick returned and he wasn't allowed to do those things anymore, he seemed sad.

"Like... how you protected Carl?" I guess.

He gives me a squeeze before letting go.

"Yeah. A little like that."

"But why? Why do you wanna be friends so bad?"

He thinks about it for a minute.

Eventually, he settles on an answer.

"Because we both know it wasn't the dark you were afraid of, sweetheart." He tells me, sighing. "That's why."

I look down at my boots, embarrassed.

It wasn't the dark I was scared of. It was my Dad.

I guess Shane figured it out faster than I thought he would.

I hate that I can't lie to Shane like I can lie to myself. He must've been real good at interrogating people.

"Earlier, you asked me why I'm out here — Why I'm talking to you." Shane says now. I look up at him. "I'm doing it because no one else will. Not Rick. Not Lori. Not Glenn. Not Sophia. Not even your Dad. None of your other friends can help you the way I can, Harley, because they didn't see what happened in that room. They don't know, but I do. And that's very special to me, okay? It's special to me because it means I can help you. And I needed to make sure you were my friend before that can happen."

I start to frown. I do not want his help. That wasn't part of the deal.

Shane gives me a serious look, like he can tell what I want to say. "I know you don't want my help. I know you're angry. You're confused, and I get that. That's okay. But you need to understand that as your friend, I want what's best for you. And what's best for you, right now, is for you to realize that there is someone here who knows what you're going through. Someone who... just wants to help. Someone who's on your side."

I don't know how he plans on helping me. I don't wanna know, either. Cops puts people in jail. There's no jail anymore, but there is rope, and there are places to tie people up — Like shopping cart bays. Jim. I remember how he thrashed. I remember his screaming. I don't want Shane to get beaten, but I also don't want my Dad to get left. I have to choose one. I'm sick of choosing, but I have to. I know who I'm gonna pick.

"Shane, I know we're friends now, but my Dad is my number one friend." I really hope he understands. "Please don't do nothin'. Please don't help."

This makes Shane angry.

He licks his teeth; works his jaw.

I can tell he's already tryna puzzle out how he's gonna trick me into agreeing to this next.

"Please." I ask nicely. "We can still be friends. We can color together. I don't have my crayons no more, but I think Rick found some pencils, before. We can use those. I'll let you do my hair, too, if you want. We can even play tag. Just please don't take my Dad away."

When my Dad got taken away for killing Ronnie, I was sad almost every single day until he came back.

"I need him." I tell Shane. "I love him. Please don't help."

He just keeps giving me that angry look.

I recognize this look, I realize.

It's the look he gave my Dad at the CDC.

Blood-lust.

I realize I'm begging for the wrong thing.

Shane's not gonna take my Dad away.

He's gonna kill him, just like I thought. That's how he thinks he's gonna help.

"Wait." I frown. "I didn't mea—"

"What is going on here?"

I snap my mouth shut.

I look out the window. It's Dale, near the RV. He quirks one hairy eyebrow at us. I glance at Shane. I watch as he slowly re-directs that murderous look onto Dale, and I worry that something bad is going to happen. His veins pop out from his forearms as he grips the window.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Dale asks, disgusted. "Don't you realize what Daryl would do to you if he saw this?"

Shane's jaw muscle ticks.

"It's okay." I quickly intervene, holding up my book. "He was just askin' about my book."

It's true, he was.

At least, he was at first.

Dale ignores me.

"I'm sure he won't appreciate you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, I can tell you that much for free."

Wow. He's pretty brave for sticking up to Shane like that.

"Welp. I wasn't askin', Dale." Shane laughs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He shakes his head. He seems to think Dale's nothing more than a pesky little bug that he doesn't wanna deal with. He drops his hand. "You know what? I ain't doin' this. I got more important places to be."

He pushes himself off the truck.

"Nice shirt, kiddo." He mutters.

We watch him walk all the way back to the supermarket, one hand on his gun.

That didn't go so well.

As soon as Shane is back inside, Dale turns his suspicious eye on me. "What did he say to you?"

He wants to kill my Dad because he cares about me.

"Um. Nothin'."

"Are you sure?"

Aw, man. I don't like lying to Dale. He's so nice.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"Okay," He lilts. "As long as it's not anything me or your Dad should know about."

Oh, God.

"Nope."

I put on my most convincing smile, like I'm posing for a picture.

He eyeballs me for what feels like forever, trying to decide if he believes me or not. I don't think he does. I know I should tell him the truth, but I can't. If Dale tells my Dad that Shane wants to kill him, he's gonna ask how he knows. He's gonna have to tell him that I was talking to Shane, and that just means I'm gonna get belted again. I'm tryna forget all about that, not have it happen all over again.

Besides, Dad already knows Shane wants to kill him, and he's not gonna do anything to put our new friendship at risk, anyway.

It's fine for now.

After a while, Dale gets sick of studying me, and he nods.

"Well, how about you come read your book in the RV? It's getting pretty hot out here."

He's not wrong. It's hot today.

"Oh, did you got that fan working?" I ask hopefully.

Like I said, we've found just about everything except for food — Even a new table fan, thanks to T-Dog.

"Sure did." Dale smiles. "It's working like a charm. Come check it out."

I hop out of the truck and into the soupy, summer heat.

"Can you read my book to me?"

He ruffles my hair. "Sure thing."

"You gotta do a funny voice for Scarface Claw. He's the evil cat."

He laughs.

Dale's a little different than Shane.

He doesn't have to ask to be my friend.

An hour later, the RV door opens.

I lift my head, the cool breeze from the fan fluttering across my face. I watch Rick stumble inside. He's drenched in so much sweat that it looks like he just took a long, hot bath in his clothes. He steals a rag from the drying rack and smothers his face in it. The little fan whirrs politely.

"Any luck out there?" Dale shakes out his newspaper, peering at Rick over his spectacles.

Rick tweaks the faucet on, shoves his head underneath it, and licks up the five little drips that come trickling out, moaning.

Gross.

"Doesn't look like you struck gold in the water department." Dale deadpans. "Any food, at least?"

Rick slides onto the floor, panting heavily.

When he peeks one eye open to glance at me, I belatedly turn the fan towards him, and he sighs in bliss.

"I just need a minute."

I'm literally fanning Rick off. I'm not sure if that's funny or not.

The RV door opens again.

My Dad walks in with Morales, both of them glistening like cuts of oily pork. Dad dumps his crossbow against the wall and crouches in front of the table. He turns his face this way and that against the breeze of the fan, ruffling out his wet hair. He gives my knee two pat, pats, to thank me. I smile just the littlest bit. Morales slumps on the kitchen, huffing and puffing.

Dale laughs at this weirdly entertaining sight. "So? Talk to me, here. What'd we find?"

Rick nudges my Dad out the way to feel the fan better.

"Scoured everythin'," He gulps, wiping his dripping brow. "Top to bottom, left to right. Hell, we even broke open the damn registers, but nothin'. Not even a chocolate coin. Cans were busted all over the floor. Rats were shittin' in the rice. Glenn almost got bit. Shane disappeared for a while; said he got cornered in the break room. Full-scale disaster, is what I'm tryna say."

Shane disappeared, alright, I think, glancing at Dale to try gauge his thoughts.

He just shakes his head.

"I take it we're not considering rat-casserole, yet?" He asks.

"Nah. Trust me, we would'a." My Dad scoffs. "But the dead ones were already chewin' on 'em."

Ew.

I think I'd rather eat frog legs.

Morales gestures My turn now, so I pivot the fan onto him next.

"I don't see how we're gonna make it to Fort Benning the way things are," Rick says. "But we can't keep doin' this."

"What's the plan, then?"

"We do what Shane suggested." He shrugs, looking around for objections. There aren't any, so he makes a cutting gesture with his open palm. "We power our way through to Fort Benning — Straight shot. We wipe our assess with leaves. We eat whatever game Daryl can find. We boil river water. We sleep in the cars. I'on care. I'm not risking our lives for this anymore. It's not worth it."

"Fan's pretty worth it." Morales sighs wistfully.

Dad side-eyes him, as if to say, You serious?

"And when we run out of gas?" Dale chimes in again. "RV's only gonna make it three more days, tops. And I don't even want to look at the radiator hose. It's hanging on by a thread, and barely, at that."

"We siphon." Rick simply says. "We drive and we don't stop unless it's to siphon or sleep. That's how it's gotta be from now on."

Drive, siphon, sleep.

It don't sound fun or nothin', but it sure beats scavenge, scavenge, die.

"As for the hose," Rick rubs his sweaty, stubbly chin, before pointing at my Dad. "You're sittin' next to a mechanic. Daryl can do check-ups every few miles, and if somethin' really goes side-ways, we can just pull one from another car. There's a solution to every problem. Problems, I can handle. Full-scale disasters — Not so much. That's why I'm choosin' this. I believe we can do it."

This group is strong. It's like a glue that won't let up.

"As long as we don't gotta make more jerky." I mumble.

One by one, they all chuckle.

It's been a long day.

"Alright... Let's get a move on, then." Rick shakes his head tiredly as he stands back up again, against all odds, his smile a beacon.

The sun clips through the window like a golden floodlight, slowly sinking; slowly burning.

"We're runnin' outta daylight."

The fan continues to whirr like a happy kitten.

Author's Note.

Shane... the master manipulator!

That was one jam-packed conversation I had to get down, ahaha.

And Rick... I just love clowning on him every now and then. He's so corny and fun. The last scene in this chapter might be my favorite in the entire story so far, it's just so random and simple.

Please let me know what you thought about this chapter!!!

Sending love! :)

#the walking dead #twd fanfiction #twd #daryl dixon twd #daryl dixon daughter #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon #daddy issues #rick grimes #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #angst #shane walsh

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longhands-the-second · 11 months

Text

Volume 2 thoughts, otherwise known as Disorganized Simping On Main. No i will not add pictures i think the lack of context makes it funny

Oh fucking hell is it legato time already? It’s so EARLY. I mean we’d get to the cool stuff faster but SHIT.

Goofiest vash panel spotted

What that mouth d- *gets shot*

Holy shit he’s really different here huh. The depression is seriously obvious; it's wild.

That and he’s like. Extra pretty when he’s angry. Might be because those panels get more love and care put into them because there’s less of them so far.

We’re decapitating people now. DAMN that’s fucking heavy. We’re not even to maximum yet.

Tonally the manga is so much darker but I’m kind of eating it right the fuck up.

I wonder if there’s any significance to the one dollar coins? Those are impossible to find now, let alone however many centuries in the future they are (I think it was something like 400 years? Maybe that was just stampede.)

EY YO COLORED PAGES???

Girl what the fuck-

I want to color this whole goddamn chapter but i have RESPONSIBILITIES and shit (<- unemployed and taking one (1) summer class)

The fucking smile. The switch. I yelled out loud. God they are so fucked up.

The fangs make an appearance. Lovely. Horrible circumstances though.

He looks so fucking tired. Angry, too, but so tired. I love the simmering rage we get here, it’s missing from every other version tbh.

I always forget how absurdly capable he is. That’s the point, I guess, but man. Man.

OH SHIT THE ARM

Knives is so… wrong. In such a fascinating way though. The way he seems happy that Rem managed to save everyone, not for the people but for her- that’s so fucked and i am enamored with his specific brand of bullshit.

I have so many questions about his scars. Like rule of cool or whatever but I need specifics. Why do they look like that in particular? What purpose do the implants serve etc etc?

I didn’t even register that they don’t know it’s a prosthetic. That had to freak them out so bad

His reasoning is interesting here. It’s not about his love for humanity at all, that comes later. He’s doing this for Rem. His vibes here are more like someone struggling to hold himself to what she believed in instead of actually, truly believing in it. It makes him more real, I think.

Maybe it’s the nature of the medium, but everybody seems much more introspective. Meryl specifically sticks out to me.

God he takes it so personally when people are all Dog Eat Dog. I can’t blame him.

Woah. Panty shot. (Side note i can’t WAIT to see him without the coat.)

Hunting he says. What’s he gonna do when he catches him? (Rhetorical)

i read this in class so i didn’t take notes oops

legato is unironically terrifying in the worst way.

I have never been a Huge Wolfwood Enjoyer. However i am charmed by his silly faces.

If i didn’t know better i’d call him a loser (affectionate)

GAY. HOLY SHIT

“come, let’s take ibuprofen together”

I love how 98, if anything, toned this interaction down.

Why the FUCK is midvalley built like a damn brick wall

Vash is so. So fucking cute. My god i am the gayest mf alive.

I guess everyone is on this page but i'm fixated on confused vash he’s got me enamored

“DO NOT ENGAGE. I REPEAT, DO NOT FUCKING ENGAGE.”

I totally didn’t register that his arm was still gone until just now oops

Oh this is perspective porn. Love that shit

I hate to admit this but there’s something about seeing Vash freaked out that makes me grin. It might be like “WOAH SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.” Or i’ve just gone off the deep end.

Is. Is he blushing. Oh my god is he embarrassed-

I have to wonder why the bible is so popular here. Just based on the circumstances? I was never really sure if the events were literal in the trigun universe or not

VASHUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I am normal about him)

(It is NOT my fault he’s in those pants)

I have a whole essay to write on vash and bodily autonomy but i'm gonna finish reading the manga first- other people have probably said it earlier and better than me.

Oh. Shit. That sure didn’t happen in 98 huh.

I find that every character has gotten more interesting in the manga. This might be because i’m already familiar with their anime counterparts. Wolfwood though, im starting to understand why trimax people like him so much.

The plants are so freaky here fr

CREATURE VASH

this is all kinds of fucked up and based on other posts i’ve seen this week it literally only gets worse from here

I hate how easy it is to empathize with everyone in this situation. I do appreciate Vash pretty much dropping the mask here, like this is what’s under all of the antics and his reputation.

He looks way too good in that top for the situation at hand smh i am SO distracted

Tbh had i not already committed to what i did i would’ve done these pages they’re so pretty

Does wolfwood know anything about this or is it all news to him???

God you can see the actual chunk of shoulder he’s missing from this angle

I do wonder how much of Knives’ concern is him genuinely feeling bad and how much is just like. Manipulation.

God this is so fucked up

On a lighter note the belts bursting from his arm are kind of a cool visual. Shit’s gotta hurt though.

MAN. FUCKING HELL.

EXTRAS

Day in day out- This made me laugh out loud. It also made me sad. No notes.

Pilot- Different vash definitely. My mans would not upskirt a girl like that.

I love seeing concept shit this is wonderful.

Time for trimax now i guess shit fuck goddamn

#trigunbookclub

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shootingsun · 2 years

Note

pllsss tell me abt ur interpretation of A pls ty

HI YES I WILL DO THAT (this post is long and I am willing to rant more if I must)

Under the cut!!

Okay so A's real/true name was Aren Cadmus (because I think it's a pretty name and that is enough reasoning) - he knew his own name but never really talked about it to anyone but B, and that is what I shall refer to him as in this post along with A.

He was born on the 26th of September and was 19 when he died.

Backstory plot thing:

Before B came to the orphanage, A was the golden child of the orphanage, sweet, polite, respectful etc. Actually, Beyond didn't like him at first! Is this because he considered A to be a lost cause due to his short lifespan? Yes. But also because he thought Aren was too boring for him. But A thought that B was interesting and cool and did want to be his friend. They became friends eventually though, through the fun little thing we call the Power of Incredible Violence.

When they were both 9, B tried to run away from the orphanage in the middle of the night. He then ended up cornered in an alley in the small town nearby by someone with v obvious malicious intent. (This person had a very short lifespan, B noted at the time). Beyond was gonna fight back when they attempted to hurt him, but there was actually no need to because here comes Aren with a stick to beat the shit out of the attacker. Like, beat them into unconsciousness as they bleed out on the floor. Even at this time, B was not exactly Normal (TM) and was not scared in the slightest, infact he was a little bit like ":0, I thought u were basic but I guess I was wrong??". He then decides that this person is now going to be HIS person and that they can commit crimes together. It's a very good bonding activity :D. (Did the attacker bleed out and die? ...maybe, if they did, A didn't know).

Aren was totally down for violence and other sketchy things, it's just that he lied about it. B respected his commitment to his 'I'm a good person who most definitely wouldn't commit aggravated assualt' act. A was very pleased that he had made a friend who he didn't have to constantly lie about his moral compass to. It worked out for both of them :D. Also all of the teachers/adults were scared shitless because the seemingly sane one was now hanging out with with the kid who would shove children down the stairs in order to get to his monthly Akazukin Chacha manga delivery the minute it arrived. Aren liked that B didn't hide his darker tendencies, he really envied it sometimes. They became a chaos duo that may or may not stab you if you talked smack about the other.

Still plot but not exactly backstory:

It took them around a year of annoying every adult in the place but eventually A and BB got to share a room. A's favorite child was Linda because they both liked art and also because she wasn't a threat to his Sucessorship thing. He didn't care as much about being L as B did but he wasn't dispassionate about it or anything, he just tried not to make it his whole life (and failed miserably). He was never actually diagnosed with anything but he was Autistic (every Wammy kid is). Aren was told that he was gonna be L's sucessor when he was 13, but they had planned for him to be a successor earlier than that.

Also him and Beyond were kinda partners but also maybe not because nobody actually knew except for them what they were and they never told anyone. (I think it was romantic, but I'm open to anything as long as they were close ngl)

A was really good at drawing, he had sketchbooks and stuff. Really big on semi-realism but also liked to do abstract art on bad days. He liked to have B model for him, Aren liked to draw people, Beyond liked attention, it made both of them happy. These sketchbooks were hidden in the floorboards of his room and have pages missing from where Beyond ripped out all the pictures of himself after A died.

Aren had a lot of practical knowledge, but also wanted to kill himself during exam times and couldn't for the life of him figure out how to revise. Most of his high grades came from coursework and debates he had in lessons.

Swivel chairs were his favorite kind of chair, he always sat in one if he was actually working. In the library, he would be willing to start a fist fight as long as it meant he got the swivel chair.

He stopped trying to hide how much he hated everyone around a year before his death. A just really stopped caring. Because Gifted child burnout, I don't need to elaborate.

His love languages? BIG BIG BIG ACTS OF SERVICE KIND OF PERSON. If he likes you he will do things for you!! (Like bash a guys head in with a stick). For receiving love language wise... I feel like he likes company. He wants to know that they're there, that they won't abandon him, so I feel like Aren would be into quality time and words of affirmation.

A knew Jujutsu! He was a purple belt at it and would use it for self defense purposes.

Would slide down the staircase of the orphanage and nearly kick people if they were sat on the stairs. Many people would stick near the middle of the stairs because A would give absolutely no warning and just be coming down a massive staircase at high speed about to kick anyone within legs reach for the lols.

"B corrupted you!" "No I corrupted myself, B is my enabler I'll have you know." - Aren Cadmus, 1999

He had a complex about feeling not listened to. A felt like when he talked, nobody actually cared what he was saying and that he couldn't do anything about the way his life was. It was sad.

#long post #a death note #death note a #aren cadmus #im making that my tag for him #death note #death note headcannon #i guess??#or is it more #death note oc #beyond birthday #bb death note #b death note #death note b #genderfluid beyond birthday #isnt mentioned but its still there ya know?#shut up sunii #i talk a lot

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melancholymarigold · 1 year

Text

to all of the people i’ve loved before

i have come to the conclusion that i was/am so remarkably easy to be with because i’m full of phrases like “whatever works for you” & “i’m down for anything” & “i just want you to be happy.”

what time should i be there? whatever works for you!

want to hang out with my friends tonight instead of going on the date we planned? i’m down for anything.

i’m going to cross every boundary you’ve put in place (which are minimal) & take advantage of your kindness (which is bountiful) & essentially ruin your life (even though you don’t deserve it)—is that alright?

i just want you to be happy.

i’m accommodating. agreeable. compliant. amenable. placating. go with the flow. whatever works for you down for anything just want YOU to be happy.

even if that means I’M not happy.

because you didn’t ask did you? because if you did, i would’ve said:

no, i’d rather you stick to your word & come see me when you said you would, not wait for me to come up the following weekend because you’re tired.

actually, i’m not okay with you cheating on me with a teenager &, instead of blaming it on your inability to communicate, blaming me because we had a rough patch the year before that. oh, & then doing it again, with a woman 10 years old than me who has a child the age of the last one.

i’m not cool with the fact that you asked to “pursue me” while you were in a relationship with your now wife + the soon to be mother of your child. i’m also not cool with the fact that you said it was a mistake when i rejected you & continue to allow her to believe that i’m the one after you.

i actually wasn’t super stoked that you lied to me for months about your post-graduation plans & signed to a college without telling me first (or even asking me to be there). i wasn’t stoked when you tried to pressure me into having sex with you, then talked shit about me to your friends & let them call me “abusive” when i wasn’t ready. wasn’t stoked that you irreparably ruined my relationships with my high school friends or when you all showed up to my dad’s funeral & then planned where to go to dinner afterwards in the lobby. or how you called me when you found out your dad was sick. how i was there for you as he died, because you knew i would be. expected it, even. or how all i needed from you was proof that you would try for me, just enough, & when you couldn’t give me that, you turned around within a month & gave it to somebody else.

& i will never get over how you mentally + emotionally abused me for years. how you kissed me + told me you loved me while you fucked other girls + begged for naked pictures or their bodies + took them out on nights when i was busy. when you took her to the movies even though you knew i’d be there with my friends. i will never be able to forget how you strung me along & taught me how to truly feel the most devastating of taylor swift songs & didn’t give a damn about what you were doing to me. how you took my mornings, afternoons, evenings, + midnights & let me cry for you when you didn’t even think twice about me on any given day. how you stole my heart during my first real relationship. how i spent my days in paradise exhausted because i found sweet somethings in your good for nothings. how it was always my fault that we weren’t together. couldn’t be. wouldn’t be. & then, when you tried to get in my pants, in my heart, for the last time—mere moments before you proposed to her.

i regret all of you. all of the time. but then i think, maybe i wouldn’t have to, if i didn’t give your happiness or desires or whatever works for you space.

how do i close the gap between “come see me this weekend or not at all” & “actually, i’d rather you not have a fiancé if we’re gonna hook up”? is it possible at this point?

let me know—when you can of course, no rush at all.

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saltyxtides · 2 years

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BAYDEN WARDEYN.

“Alright. Alright. I am sensing your hatred.” He said with a tone of amusement. He couldn’t help himself. “I’ll tone it down. But, I swear I turn it up to volume 10 if you go meanie face on me again just because I know you hate it.” He put his hands up in surrender and fair warning.

“I did. I said I was retarded.” He corrected. That wasn’t no one. He was a someone and that’s what he said.

Then she went and had to go and try to convince him that he wasn’t and was even trying to back it up with reasons to prove it.

“Well yeah but that was obvious and you’re always stubborn and don’t listen to me. So, that’s different. It’s part of who you are when you’re around me. It’s like you can’t even help yourself. Whatever I say you have to say the opposite just to be infuriating and then I don’t get infuriated so it infuriates you instead. That’s our jam. It’s what we do.”

If there was one thing he did like about Rowan… er… Celestis it was that she drew all over everything. Bayden was an artist too remember so this was how he kept clicking with her from the start. He still loved drawing his fantasy stags with giants antlers and forever he drew on most of whatever he made with the eyes blacked out, Xed with tears, even on otherwise happy figures.

“Okay. Who does?” He said about pain. “I mean unless you’re into some kinky shit. That’s a different sort of pain though. But, okay I get it. She’s an annoying basic bitch in your body. I’m getting the picture.”

She managed to pull a laugh out of him with the life’s a bitch and not a slut comment though. That had Bayden humor written all over it.

“Oh, I’m gonna swipe you some hella Xanny’s. You know I got connections.”

But, the more Celestis went on the more Bayden got confused again and not because he didn’t understand. He just didn’t see the problem the same way.

“Okay. Okay. So hold up. If you’ve jumped into other people besides her and somehow you landed in her again last and you hate her, why would you come here while you’re in her? Why don’t you jump into someone cool? Then come here? Or I know, don’t come here and just jump into whoever and use them however you want? Didn’t you ever go through a phase where you tried to practice? I mean this is your special power. It’s a witch skill and you could probably hone it. I can’t help you because I’m not witch, but isn’t that the point of those covens? They help with stuff like this. Why come here instead of to the people who can actually help you?”

He got the gist though and tried to recap.

“So okay. Always you. But, I have to keep calling you Rowan because life. We’re here. You want no one to know. Can I call you Celestis in private?”

Then Celestis’s face changed big time after he said serial killer. Oh fuck. They’d known each other for years. He really thought she’d caught on by now who he was. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. They always did just come together when everything that hit the fan was over. She was just getting wrapped up in his drama when she went back in the woods with him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Then right as he was freaking out that she was freaking out…. nothing.

There she went with the coffee again.

“I know, I know. We can still do that as soon as I get my privvys back. Okay Double A? Geesh.” He smirked. “The battery talk was worth that right there. That name’s sticking, baby.”

The spoilers of his life.

“Yeah. Sorry. Thought you might have picked up on that one. I try not to talk about it in group. Horrorville Hacker. The Juvenile kid arrested for all those murders years back.” He pointed at himself though he didn’t admit guilt only pointed to say he was the convicted. “I was convicted of that.” Then he just shrugged. It was what it was. “Why do you think I don’t get visitors? Nobody wants to visit me but reporters and mom doesn’t allow it. People wanting to write my book. Mom would never allow that.”

T h y l a c i n e

His eyes widened at whatever she just said.

“I don’t even know what that is.”

She threw a flower at him and blinked as it hit him in the face. Then he bent over and picked it up. He smelled it before he stuck it behind his ear and stepped up her as she asked if he was sure he couldn’t do any better.

That made him laugh. He almost reached out to stop her and remembered he shouldn’t touch. He pulled his hand back and shook his head.

“Listen. Every friend and even girlfriend I ever thought I had I found out were hallucinations. So, if I could do better it’s only in my head because check this out. When I had privvys, my big relationships included me prostituting myself to earn escape money to a guy who got me stoned all day off property and mostly it was based on drugs, but I pretended that meant something so I didn’t feel bad about myself. I also hooked up with my boss at my part time job to get perks around the hotel which only led me into a crazy world of ghosts and demons and selling me to old fucking men that wanted to kill me and trap my soul there forever. And frankly, It didn’t sound like a bad deal because at least it wasn’t here. Other than that I’m fucking some nurse my mom would fire if she found out that could care less about me and goes home to her regular life on the outside while she gets her little bit of excitement in here, but hey at least I can break some rules and be nurse’s pet, and get away with some shit, right? These are the relationships of my life, Celestis. Literally, that’s it besides my mom and my sister. You can keep calling me princess, but I’m hardly prize pickens. No one’s clammering to hang around Bayden Shannon Wardeyn, the claimed to fame Horrorville fucking Hacker. And hello… you know the population here. You know everyone I do. Tell me there’s anyone better? So, maybe you should think about who you’re asking that question to unless your goal is to humiliate me. If I know you, it is. So, Congratulations. You are the most normal and stable thing in my life. So, there. Happy with yourself?”

Then he took the flower out of his ear and held it up to her like a peace offering.

“YOU’RE annoying you know that?” She seemed to say in such a way that she understood, but found it highly frustrating. However with the seize fire she could take things a little more seriously now.

Taking the gardenia’s up to her face, she seemed to need a little cleansing. Celestis was irritated. Not even getting into it with him, as she didn't have the energy. “I sound like the abusive one in this friendship.” A very small grin showed on her features as she found it a bit comical in the way he described there friendship.

“On my defense you do && say some stupid shit sometimes.“ It’s not that he’s stupid. No — Bayden's just the boy in the bubble.

Celestis knew. After all the Christmas card she drew of late was inspired by his own artwork style. It might not have been a stag, but a deer. It took her a couple tries to get it right, as she wasn't familiar with the form but it was good to practice regardless.

The first thought that came to mind was 'your-mom!' but she held off the old school commentary. It was a little to much on the childish side if she was being honest. More or less shrugging as she was to drained.

"Yea but what would I owe you Bayden." Nothing ever really came free. That lesson well engraved early on in life. There had to be some catch to this. So what did he really want?

Bayden could see the negative in her eyes before she spoke. “Bayden you’re questions never really end! I’ll answer that one another time.” A bitterness in her tone as it just was a bit to much to be drilled on why. Why her choices where her own? Abruptly, Celestis lost her grip on her anger. Knowing she did. She was burning out, as all of this was getting a bit overwhelming after several explanations, Celestis wanted to give up, as she was tired, depressed && frustrated right now.

Gazing around there surroundings as she wanted to make sure no one was around before she swung around to answer the easier part of his thousand questionnaire. “Rules are for rules people! Why do I want some old hag who’s got a stick up her ass to tell me what to do? Do I look like I’d enjoy being some member in there FLDS c u l t version? IT’S JUST ANOTHER FUCKING CULT BAYDEN. Not everyone wants to be a part of something either. I’ve already explained && said it to you once Bayden. I am not saying it a second time!!!” It’s a waste of energy she clearly didn’t have right now. Celestis was better alone then in the company of others. Even other Witches. She did better that way, why she liked solitary so much. Celestis already had a teacher that had taught her the basics, && she’s improved ever sense. It’s not the end of the world that she doesn’t have full control over everything. Did Bayden have full control over everything in his life? No. They both were not perfect, but she had it under control. She knew what it took.

“I’m depressed right now. I’m very tired. So I’m sorry but you’re asking so much I can barely keep up. The questions just don’t seem to be ending or getting any easier either.” It’s not that she meant to snap at him but a lot of this was emotionally && physically overwhelming for her at the moment. Even gardenia’s can’t cure depression as they also can’t cure the wear && tear of sleep depravation. Up close Bayden could see how tired Celestis looked. There were dark half-moons under her eyes, as the bruise on her face looked brighter in the sunlight but it truly highlighted the redness in the whites of her eyes.

“BAYDEN. Y e s! Only time I'm not is if I happen to have an accident, && somehow can't get back in. I’ve already explained it last time to prepare you in case I happened to lose it." She seemed to say, as if it was indeed from the conversation before, takes relevance. If she had somehow disappointed him by acting weird, or if she had started acting like she didn’t know who the hell he was. No recollection what so ever of his name && the things they’ve done then she already answered him from last time.

Why would he ask her that? “Do what you want now. Call me whatever. They’ll think you’re joking && fueling my delusions when you call me Celestis out in the open but I just told everyone. Its not really private information anymore.” It’s not like it mattered. She had to throw herself out there to make sure he wouldn’t fall apart.

Celestis pressed her hand to her temple, a sure sign a headache might come or rather begin. All of this felt a little to much. Celestis more than anything desired to go back to her assistant living, fall onto the floor, && crawl into a deep state of insurmountable depression. As she tried not to think so hard because it went over her head.

It was like Bayden had this idea she’s lived in California her entire life && just happened to know what the hell the Horrorville Hacker was. Bayden underestimated her. She didn’t know much about him or what happened. She had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Utterly lost. She doesn’t exactly spend her spare time looking up serial killers && murders as if it was a hobby.

“Bayden I was interrogated but I have no idea what the hell they were talking about most the time. Why I passed the lie detector test so easily was because the questions they were asking && what they were trying to accuse me off I’ve never done.” She also left out she’s also had experience with one. In the kind of way that tween’s get into things they shouldn’t play with, as she remembered memories of playing around with a older lie detector with a group of other kids once. Asking dumb questions or playing dumb games to one another.

“You act like I’m from here but I’m not from California. I was transferred here from a hospital program.” Why she didn’t quite understand the degree of the matter of his criminal charges. She might have a few questions of her own but she’s no longer in the mood to even bring them out to surface value. To her he’s just Bayden Wardeyn. “I don’t have the energy right now.” Sensing that this will light even more questions. Of course it will. No doubt.

Nope.

Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Celestis avoided one break down in the community room already. She was not going to start another one in Bayden. “Keep it that way.” The weight in her voice told him he should take her advice. Sensing she was not going to tell him. Knowing his little animal loving brain of his, it’s just better not to bring it up. There’s no happy ending for the Thylacine’s, as Benjamin the last remaining Thylacine was treated like shit before he died. Fuckers. Angry does not begin there, but she pushed her high strung feelings she had down.

Celestis was aware only of a numb buzzing in her head. That was a hell of a lot to process. Yet she didn’t know how to feel because she can’t relate to him. She personally doesn’t suffer from hallucinations to know what Bayden really goes through. She’s a troublesome heathen but she’s never had criminal charges. Never has she ever killed anyone(s). She only understood the damage of living in someone else’s body. Let alone the damage this conversation they were having was having on her in a different way. Hooked up. Fucking. Ghosts. She was a novice to physical touch && worldly pleasures ( minus a vibrator but they are not allowed on Briarcliff Grounds ). Sex driven primitive thoughts as she always wondered if she could have sex with a ghost. Having a fire blaze to life within her, as her body was now too wired from the heat burning through herself. Never really ever did she like talking about sex. It just quirked her body into sexual frustration, not that she got sexually frustrated from Bayden’s pained hardships he had to face. Just the use of the terms ’hooked-up / fucking / ghosts‘ was enough to trigger a bodily response.

Great now she was not just depressed, exhausted emotionally && physically, livid, she could now add on she was sexually frustrated. Trying to ignoring her new inner complex feeling. Remembering they drifted a little, as she tried to recall in her head when all this was happening in there lives to get her to stop thinking about sex. If she had been more aware could she have changed things? No. Not really. She doubted it because he was going to do whatever it took to survive. Move on && running away from all this. Deep down, she sensed Bayden knew that HOTEL CORTEZ was just like B r i a r c l i f f A s y l u m. He could either be trapped here, or trapped there. Why he didn’t get the hell out of here like planned Celestis wasn’t sure. It didn’t seem his mother or sister caught on from the sounds of it. As all of them were just looking for ways to make there survival && live through that finite amount of time that they had. He should have left when he had the chance. Now that there were those mutants to consider, if they couldn’t kill them, then it’s only a matter of time before something goes terribly wrong && there the ones being hunted down like dogs && if someone does die Bayden might get the end of it because of his criminal history if they somehow got covered up to protect who ever is the mastermind behind those experimental mutants. She didn’t want Clarissa nor Bayden to be around Briarcliff Asylum when that happened. Not that she’s figured it all out yet. It’s been on the back of her mind since solitaire so it’s a start. Yet it was quite a sexual turn off imagining Bayden && Nurse Janet together. It didn’t feel like a victory that she was right all along but she senses she might be in more deeper then Nurse Janet looked.

It’s rude of him to assume after all that, that her goal was to humiliate him even further. Sure! She could call him Princess Shannon && she just might down the line someday. Celestis could even go further then that. She could have made a very nasty jab at his clambering comment through a mean sexual comment because of her sexual frustration she was going through. Good to know that’s the best she could offer him, as a friend, was humiliation. It almost tempted her too. Just because that’s what Bayden thinks anyway, as it made her a bit provoked. This sure as hell was a train wreck of a friendship they got going on. But he’s clearly been through enough.

It didn’t really sound to pleasant. Congratulating her for not being a hallucination? Wishing she didn’t exist? Guess the both of them questioned her existence in different ways. && what did being the most normal && stable thing in his life even fricking mean? Yet she humiliates him when he’s down or that she should humiliate him when he’s down because that’s what he thinks of her. “Fuck you Bayden,” as she snatched the peace offering adding the gardenia back to the others as she brought it back up to her face to inhale. It’s rough. Everything that’s been coming out has been really heavy.

#bayden wardeyn #━━ ✧ spilled ink. | interactions #montywonmom #━━ 🌊 saltyxtides. | ahv

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mlobsters · 2 months

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supernatural s14e19 jack in the box (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

foreboding episode name. also rolling my eyes again that they decided to do hallucifer 2.0 with jack

sigh i am not really up for mary's wake today. next day. i tried to watch jason kelce's retirement press conference, which was so emotionally taxing, i decided watching this episode would be better. watching someone trying to not cry when their entire body is fighting it is so hard. so hard. i made it a minute before my chest hurt so much i had to stop. anyway.

well i did yell at sam for burning mary's picture, but this the same one but bigger so i guess it was fine. weird choice, but fine.

SAM Hey. Uh, most everybody's headed out, but Bobby's gonna stick around. I thought maybe we could open that scotch Ketch left and hang out, talk about Mom. DEAN "Talk about Mom"? SAM Yeah. DEAN Isn't that what we've been doing?

dean handling it as well as expected

quick sob in the woods to take the edge off so he can go back to being emotionally unavailable for sam. i get it. my personal m.o. is to go silently sob somewhere and then come back and be able to have a cool, calm and collected rational conversation about things. wouldn't recommend that either

SAM But they're real, right? We know that Mom's not sitting on a cloud playing a harp. She's in a good place. Or she's in a great place. She's with Dad. DEAN Hmm. You know what else? There wasn't enough left of her to even try to bring her back.

i have been thinking about that a lot lately. knowing about heaven etc, if it weren't so busted and broken down, what's the big deal if someone dies. especially if they're a "special" case soulmate type so they get another actual human to be blissful with. like the only real-real is on earth, they say, but the alternative sounds awfully compelling

dumah having jack turn a heretic into a pillar of salt, hokay

DUMAH Words can't begin to express how Sam and Dean will feel. Now here is the real test. We need more angels. You're not God. You can't just make them out of thin air. But if a human were predisposed to it, maybe you could take their soul and forge them into one of us.

LOL what. they got duped by lucifer when he said he could make more angels, but i guess they've been working the problem

handy we have this special box ready for eternal torture of archangels and maybe juiced up nephilims? who knows

DEAN No. Well, I mean, I want Zeppelin to get back together. But what I need -- What we need is to stop Jack. Big difference. But here's the deal. We both got to sign off on it. This might be our only shot, and if he even catches a whiff that this is a scam, he's off into the wind. SAM Exactly. And how do you think he's not gonna know something's up? DEAN Because you're gonna be so damn sincere. SAM Me? DEAN Mm-hmm. SAM Why me? DEAN Because you've always been in his corner, all right? You're his go-to guy. Sam, if you reach out, he'll come. If I do it, after what happened to Mom, I could lose it. I will lose it.

how about we cool off, take a minute or week or four, and think about this first. but dean wants to do it literally right now. great.

did not see castiel ganking dumah coming, all righty.

SAM So what do we do now? Just go on with Jack locked up in there forever?

i mean yeah it's reversible but this is the most accelerated plotline ever. like an instant pot to turn jack into lucifer

SAM You know, I never thought it would end like this with Jack. DEAN Sammy, we knew from the beginning it was a long shot with him. SAM Yeah. Yeah, but long shots are kind of our thing.

one day you've got three dads who love you and then you fuck up and they're locking you in a box

DEAN He's locked up, safe. He's in the Ma'lak box. CASTIEL No!

please, we need some pushback on dean about this.

DEAN He agreed to it. Because deep down, I think he knows it's best. CASTIEL No. You're doing what Dumah -- You are manipulating him.

tell him, cas. i hate when they have dean be like this

all right. surprise, surprise. it didn't go well.

i haven't finished an episode this quickly in ages.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 14x19 #eugene ross-leming #brad buckner

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homenecromancer · 3 months

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[image transcript: Somehow, her features — the red eyes and colourless skin, the black freckles, the bright red mouth — combined in my faulty image-processing neuron circuits into a recognisable face, one that I could see. This very simple act of seeing frankly astonished me, for I was used to people’s faces being perfect blanks.]

am I gonna continue reading this book? yeah. but also this is an unintentionally revealing paragraph that made me laugh, because it may as well come with a footnote saying “the author is not, himself, face-blind, but he thinks it’s a cool idea and that his interpretation of it will blow your mind”

everybody is different, but I’ll speak for myself here: I can see faces, the same way that I can see cars, trees, and houses. what I struggle to do is to remember faces, and match them to people I know. I can’t recognize my coworkers unless we’re at work together and therefore in a familiar context (and we’re all wearing nametags).

(it’s not like every time I look at someone, their face is a pixelated blur. it’s more like… I dunno, imagine someone puts you in a room with a large group of basically-identical goats you’ve never seen before. later you’re taken to a different room, presented with a picture of one goat, and asked to recall its name. you don’t see goats a lot in your everyday life, you just met this one today, how would you recall its name? if you met someone who could do this task, you’d think, like, oh they must work on a farm or something. maybe if you spent more time around goats, you would get better at identifying them. but after a lifetime among other humans, I still primarily recognize them by context)

basically this passage is close to getting it, but ultimately misses the mark. yeah! it does help me remember someone if they have brightly-colored hair, or always wear a certain jacket. human faces are unique to me — people do not all look the same — they just refuse to stick in my memory. seeing is not the same as remembering

and so I will press on into this book, ready to be disappointed by something else lmao

(this book is The Circumference of the World by Lavie Tidhar)

#long post #should I have typed all these words? fuck no ow ow ow #books I read

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spade-club · 5 months

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Mental health update of sorts. Heavy stuff under readmore!!

Summary: still upset about getting cheated on forever ago but I'll be okay

Guess who's self harming again!! Its meeeee~

Read through some texts between my partner and one of the guys they cheated on me with. Most of it was in person (fun fact: they were roommates at the time!) So it wasnt much of it but it was still fucking uncomfortable!! I dont feel bad for reading it. I think they gave up their privacy when they did what they did tbh. But I know I shouldnt have done that because now its so easy to picture and to get the day-nightmare scenes set just right.

Me doing this was prompted by seeing him in passing at the store today. He was just shopping with his kid. As if he wasnt the gross pathetic asshole he was in those texts. And here my partner is shopping with ME, as if they werent the avoidant cheating asshole they were in those texts. All while I still dont know shit about what really happened between them!!

I have to remember that most of the time I do still love them a lot. Its just really hard to believe that they just,, got better. That they realized they were in love with me and they'll never do this again. It feels like a line. They still willingly disrespected the O N E rule I gave them. With MULTIPLE people. All while trying to convince me that I dont ACTUALLY want them to tell me if they are having sex with other people (real thing they did!! I was telling them the whole entire time "i might be okay with you sleeping with someone else but you need to tell me as soon as possible" and they kept telling me that they didnt believe I wouldnt be cool with that (which I would have been!! Duh! Or I wouldnt have said it!!) All while still actively PLANNING on NEVER telling me they were talking to two other people!! And slept with one of them!!)

I know things are better lately between us. But I cant help but think theres such a thin line here keeping me from getting hurt again. I'm afraid of trusting it, and I'm tired of having to consider it. Always having to think about it. Every time they go out, having to ask what they're doing and if I'm not sent a picture from wherever they are I panic.

The girls (which is to say the other parts of me that consider themselves my partner's girlfriends) can talk forever about how happy and safe they feel in this relationship. Genuinely, they could all go on and on and on! I know I'm sticking around here for good reason (and not just because I can't afford rent on my own!) I think its important to remember the good things and what this is all for. I wouldnt struggle this much here if I didnt love them. They make me coffee every day and open doors for me and we laugh and make music and share our little hobbies and interests together and we have such cute little patterns & routines. We're a family and we're here for eachother. We cry together all the time. They've comforted me though some wild shit. We host our little parties and get togethers as a team! We spend pretty much all of our time together (not just because I'm afraid of leaving them alone but also) because we really truly love being around eachother.

I just wish we didnt have such a rocky start that 7 months later I still can't get over it. It kills me every day that things didnt turn out just a little bit different. I would have liked going my whole life without having to have experienced how shittily they handled that. But its too late for that now!! Gotta just keep moving forward I guess! Relapsing into hurting myself over this situation is, realistically, just a slip up. These happen. I'm still recovering. I am still going to be okay. Things will be better again!! I was just triggered today but things will be better again!!

Gonna go to bed now maybe... yeah... its weed and homestuck time until the Z's drop or whateverr. Goodnight everypony!

#-cass #apathy over the situation is washing over me #I. cannot summon the urgency to care any longer #《~*whoosh*~》

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hannibutts · 1 year

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HANNIBAL SPOILERS S02E13

Ooh nice intro of Jack and Hannibal basically telling Will the same thing and Will agreeing with both of them.

BLINDING INTRO

Garrett Jacob Hobbes? Oh because of the killing of the deer thing - so like Will killing of the serial killer side of himself? Or is it because it was GJH who opened that door for Will in the first place, not only because he was Wills first kill, but because he got too close to how GJH thought… and then semi adopted his daughter?

Oh man if I was Bella I would have not let Hannibal in my house after he didn’t let me die. She gets some Barbs in but yikes.

If someone had not let me die - I would not let them into my house OR ask them to save my husband after I’m gone. I’d kick them in the dick, looking at you, Hannibal.

Freddie Lounds (booo)

Will just wants to keep Abigail out of Freddie’s filthy mouth.

Oh shit Hannibal can smell Freddie on Will. RUN BITCH

Oh yeah where has Alana (boo) been this whole time? Doesn’t Hannibal notice she’s not around. Cool visuals on the poisoned by darkness stuff. Wait, is she crying blood or is that just for visual effect?

Aw Hannibal sweetheart, he’s begging Will to run away with him. He knows something dodgy is happening with the whole Freddie Lounds thing so he’s trying to avoid whatever he thinks Will is planning about jack. That or it’s a trap, who fucking knows with these guys.

Oh shit, I was wondering when all of this was gonna bite jack in the ass. But he’s still going to go no? Especially since we’ve seen him and Hannibal go at it.

Oh NOW Alana sticks up for Will 🙄

Man BureauCynthia is missing the big picture here but living up to her name.

Welp at least Alana had the decency to warn Will the FBI was out to arrest him and Jack.

OH SHITTTTT - Will called Hannibal like how Hannibal called Garrett Jacob Hobbes! Did Will know about that or was it just coincidence? Literal chills

Ooh baby we’re back to the brawl. Let’s do this shit.

Jesus. Hannibal fighting in a tight white button down 👀

Alana placing herself in the middle. She gon get herself killed.

Dannng Laurence Fishburne in boxer stance 👀 am I too horny for this show because I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to be side eyeing so much during this fight…

Oh haha this is the daintily throwing himself at the door thing 😂 even when he’s supposed to be brutal, Mads moves so elegantly, it was such a perfect casting.

“In your defence, I worked very hard to blind you” I bet you did Hannibal 👀 at least he’s trying to spare Alana from feeling like she was an idiot…

Oh Jesus but he took her bullets… that’s fucking horrifying her just clicking desperately.

ABIGAIL??! OH MY FUCKING GOD ABIGAIL JUST PUSHED ALANA OUT THE WINDOW WHAT THE FUCK

Ok look, I dislike Alana but she didn’t deserve that but also she probs should have mentioned to Will that Abigail is alive and feeling Pushy… but you can forgive Alana considering she’s probably fucked or at least paralysed by the looks of it.

Dang Jack is losing a lot of blood.

Is Abigail a Trojan horse again with Will?

W to H “You were supposed to leave”

Oh shit, Will still has some allegiance to Hannibal, he wanted Hannibal to escape no matter what but Hannibal is too fucking obsessed with Will and now Jack and Alana are probably dead.

Aw Hannibal holding Will’s face so sweetly-OH MY FUCKING GOD HANNIBAL JUST FUCKING GUTTED WILL WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???

H- “Did you believe you could change me the way I change you?”

W- “I already did”

Fuck me this show.

MY POOR BLACK HEART CANT TAKE THIS - HANNIBAL JUST FUCKING RIPPED ABIGAIL THROAT OPEN INFRONT OF WILL WHILE WILL BEGGED HIM NOT TO. I am speechless.

Oh my god I am in tears, Will is holding in his guts with one hand and holding in Abigail’s throat with the other 😭😭😭

If Will would have gone with Hannibal, Hannibal would have present A I hail as a gift to Will and they would have gone away together with their daughter 😭😭😭😭

Gratuitous shot of Hannibal standing the rain while his Adam apple bobs, even I’m not horny for this after all of that (narrator: this was in fact a lie).

Hannibal just casually walking away in the rain looking all hot and stuff and not even glancing down at Alana.

Will’s killer instinct deer dying can only be a good thing no?

CREDITS? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN CREDITS????

EDIT - THERE WAS A FUCKING AFTER CREDIT SCENE OF HANNIBAL ON A FRENCH PLANE WITH BEDELIA THQT I HADNT SEEN

#hannibal #hannibal first time watch

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emmanuel-saint · 1 year

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Hi tumblr,

It’s Emmanuel Saint and I’m back again with another brain dump:

If I’m being honest I’ve never thought about what my life would look like past the age of 29. If we’re being more serious I never thought about what it would look like pass the age of 25. There were some things that were bound to happen, like graduate high school. I was more afraid of my mother killing me than failing out of school so graduating was a give. So that cover the beginning of my consciousness up until 18… but everything after that was left up to chance. I mean I had a rough plan for my life (which very quickly fell apart). I wanted to remain a virgin until 18 (lost my virginity at 15). I wanted to be married by 22 (25 close). But the whole rest of my life picture I’ve never actually thought about. I mean, if we’re truly honest, what does happily ever after entail. Morning espressos at your local coffee shop on Sunday mornings watching the neighbor walk their dog? I don’t feel like there is more to life, I know it. But what I do FEEL is that I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t try to get more.

I have to start a new paragraph because I don’t think these two thoughts cohesively flow together. Not that it matters because I’m just typing as I’m thinking anyway. I have accomplished all of the things that I’ve set out to do in my life. I mean truly set out to do. I’ve walked on to a college basketball team. I love basketball with all my heart but I am far too much of a realist to placebo myself into making it into the NBA. But there was one very lofty goal that I did set for my self nearly 12 years ago. I remember flipping open my T-Mobile sidekick (man I loved those and I wish they’d bring them back) and beginning to type. It was the beginning of my journaling experience. I never knew what to write but I knew I had way too many thoughts than to keep in my head so I would just write. That day in my mothers kitchen, I wrote I want to learn six languages by the time I turn 30. Looking back I see how ridiculous that sounds. Most Americans don’t learn TWO languages in their lifetime let alone SIX by the time they are 2 sophomores years old. But I’m my defense I was already fluent in English(1) and, at that time, I had already taken 3 years of high school Spanish(2 it will count later, not at this time, later for sure though). I was also planning on sticking to Latin based languages so the differences wouldn’t be soooooo insurmountable. If I remember correctly I wanted to do English, Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese, and Japanese (I watched a lot of anime 😬). But I had no idea the kind of manifesting that one note had on me. I gave college the old college try, and fucking hated it. I mean it wasn’t absolutely unbearable. I could have gotten through it if I was poor or arrogant-another story for another day. But I didn’t. I very poetically dropped out on my birthday. Yay happy birthday. Needless to say I’m not the biggest fan of birthdays. By this time I am still fluent in English (thank god right?) and 4 years of high school and a half semester of college Spanish (still had never had a conversation outside of a controlled environment so still didn’t count but it will I promise).

Ok, so, boom, I dropped out worked for a bit. Some jobs were pretty cool, others were pretty shitty I’m looking at you Toys’R Us. But eventually I found my way into this pretty sweet gig where this agency will teach me a language and practical skills to be an interpreter (Spanish interpreter here I come). Joke is on me. They only really need Arabic interpreters. That’s cool so I learn Arabic الحمدلله . Then they ask if I want to make more money. Sounds weird so I ask what’s the catch? They say I have to learn French to better help with my Arabic interpretation because most Arabic speakers also mix in some French. Well, ok, they’re gonna pay me for it so why not? Right?! So boom here I am learning French. This is actually tres cool. I learn a bunch of common English words like souvenir are actually French. I feel all smart and shit. Oh mind you that im also working on my bachelors degree, and with that I am taking an intro to computer science class which I thought would be about the basics of computers. Nope! It was a coding class. Now I’m dabbling in C++, Java, and HTML.

Oh I forgot to mention that I improved my Spanish speaking ability based off of a bet that I had with my friend. He essentially said that my Spanish would never be as good as his. And he is probably right because he’s Venezuelan but I never back down from a challenge. So now I am natively fluent in English(1) pretty good with Spanish(2), Arabic(3), French(4), and some coding(5). And yes coding counts as a language because it’s how computers talk. Duh. After a while my company comes back and says “Hey bud you’re pretty good at this. Wanna learn another language? Once again, not one to shy away from a challenge. So they taught me Korean. It’s all pretty crazy how it happened and I never intended on it going this way but it did.

It all started from a T-Mobile sidekick note telling myself that I want to learn six languages by the time that I turn thirty. And the sole reason was because girls find things attractive that they don’t understand.

#manefesting #bilingual #multilingual #polyglot #arabic #french #spanish #korean #sidekick #vent #random thoughts #stream of consciousness

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mushroom-winners-proof · 2 years

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every time i think about kairi “““““““needing”““““““ to train i always think its such bullshit but then i ESPECIALLY think about how bullshit it is when this girl was already flinging herself off of high floors On Her Own With No Weapon just cause she saw sora a level below and literally two seconds after being given a keyblade she doesnt hesitate to start slicing shit and the utter clickbait we were all subjected to with that post-ending scene with all three of them together looking like theyre going on an adventure next time is something i will NEVER get over

#snap chats #like im not even a big kairi person but its cause the series keeps making me not one #its stuff actually being set up for her- like very obvious opportunities to include her in stuff and have her be cool #but then she just gets shoved out of the picture and its so exhausting #LIKE SHE'S SO READY TO KILL A MFER FOR HER FRIENDS ITS SO AWESOME #I WANT THAT I WANT TO SEE THAT I WANT TO PLAY THAT #i will literally never get over that scene in kh2 tho esp since its right before The Famous Riku Its Riku scene #also her design peaked in KH2- everyones designs peaked in KH2 its downhill from here im gonna say it and im gonna say it proud #i AM a KH2 shill i cannot change this and i do not want to #kairi peaked in KH2 and then they just stopped im so peeved about that #THEY REALLY SET THEM ALL UP TO LOOK LIKE THEY WERE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE TOGETHER fuck off #IM REALLY REALIZING HOW MAD I GET ABOUT KAIRI NOW LIKE SHE REALLY WAS SO ROBBED #I KNEW ON THE LOWKEY THE WHOLE TIME BUT REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT HOLY SHIT #character that got The Shortest End of the stick is her hands down everyone else go home yall at least get something

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arcanadreams · 3 years

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That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?)

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~”

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.” *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams.

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that.

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way.

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism.

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?”

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on.

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“’What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process.

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care.

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet.

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention.

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram.

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place.

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly.

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.

#IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE FINALLY WRITTEN THIS #obey me #my writing #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor #posts

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