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#Maybe it would be different if I'd read the book hoping for a good story about aliens

silassinclair · 2 months

Note

Hi!

Can I request Maddox with a darling who lives to read, maybe he catches her reading some old romance books in an abandoned house they shack up in or something like that

Btw I live your writing ♥️

As someone who loves to read I am obligated to write for this req 😤🫡 Thanks for the request tho!! Hope you like it :-)

Yandere Wild West Outlaw x Bookworm Reader

CW// Maddox is annoying, Reader being a little perv Masterlist Here!!

The new house Maddox found was lovely. It had decently okay furniture and a vast collection of old books on the shelf. It's small with only two bedrooms and one bathroom but it was charming. But what caught your interest was the big oak wood bookshelf. You couldn't even remember the last time you picked up a book. Being on the run with Maddox made time fly.

"Who would leave all these books behind? They're all in great condition." You mutter to yourself as you take a blue and purple book with gold trim off the shelf. Tracing your fingers down the spine of the hardcover novel you appreciate the craftsmanship. It was clearly expensive, something you could no longer afford. Your Dad bought you many books like these but now you were pretty much broke. You only had Maddox to rely on now.

Speaking of Maddox you had no clue where he was. Which you didn't really care, he always disturbed your peace. Cracking open the book you sit down on the loveseat and start reading. It was a romance book about a huntsman who fell in love with a duchess. The story was beautiful as it was exhilarating.

"Oh wow, you into that kinda stuff?"

You snap the book shut instantly, a mini cloud of dust poofs from the pages. Maddox chuckles huskily behind you, leaning down and resting his chin on the back of the loveseat.

"Oh don't be embarrassed princess, it was getting to the good part. What did it say again? Oh! Ahem-"

Maddox coughs into his hand and smirks. Deepening his voice he quotes the passage in a deep, British-like accent,

"He caresses the duchess' milky thighs, her womb felt of silk wrapped around his ma-"

"OH HUSH!" You whip around and smack the outlaw's head, his hat nearly flying off. But he only laughs at your flustered state.

"You're filthy." You groan and put the book back on the shelf where it was. But Maddox follows behind you and takes the book into his own hands and opens it up. Skimming through the pages he smirks.

"I'm filthy? Sweetheart you're the one readin' this junk." Maddox shuts the book and puts it back. Putting his hand up on the shelf he leans against it while looking down at your shorter self.

"Well it is a romance book." Rolling your eyes you choose a different book. This time you pick a title you're familiar with, Pride and Prejudice.

"Now leave me alone you brute. I'd like to relax for once." With that you walk away and go outside. Finding a nice tree you sit beneath it and read the book. Reading reminded you of home, the home that was ripped from you. In a way it was escapism which is unhealthy but a girl can dream right?

Hours pass and the sun begins to set, casting an orange glow across the cloudy sky. The words on the page become harder to read as the sun sinks lower and the moon rises. You didn't want it to end. You know you could read inside but that damn outlaw was inside. You just wanted to stay out here forever with the natural ambience of wind and birds.

Footsteps approach you and you already know who it is. Looking up you see him. Black denim jeans, a burgundy vest, twin revolvers around his waist, and a dark brown cowboy hat on his head. And of course that bandana covering the bottom half of his face. Anytime you asked him about his face he got ticked off so you avoided the subject. But you couldn't help but be curious.

"You're starin' sweetheart." His husky voice breaks the silence. There’s a hint of a Spanish accent mixed in with his Southern drawl. You can't help but think about what it would be like if you and him met under different circumstances. Would he save you from bandits? Offer to buy you a drink at the saloon?

Would you two have a storybook romance just like in the books you adore?

"Hey."

He's right in front of you now, crouched to your height. His gloved hand pets your hair and you're frozen. He has you in a trance that you make no effort to free yourself from. His dark amber eyes are crinkled in slight concern over your unusual silence.

"What..?" You say softly.

"It's gettin' dark. Unless you wanna be dinner for the coyotes then I suggest comin' back in. I'll cook up some beans so hurry your little bum up."

Well there goes the moment. You groan and get up off the grass, your back cracking as you stretch. Your eyes watch as Maddox walks back into the house. His hips sway as he walks, you never really payed attention to that before. His ass looks pretty round in those pants to-

"Ugh, what is wrong with me.." Groaning, you follow after him.

#yandere #yandere x reader #x reader #yandere imagines #yandere x you #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader #obsession #maddox graves #yandere cowboy #cowboy #western

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valkyrieromanoff · 1 year

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IMAGINE PEDRO PASCAL X ACTRESS!READER

Summary: You and Pedro answer some internet questions.

Warnings: Implied romance, friendship,fluffy

I was up at the crack of dawn watching The Graham Norton Show due to my unhinged obsession with Pedro Pascal. That's where my hypothesis about Helen Mirren became more credible. I really hope you enjoy it, though.

"Hello, I am Pedro Pascal." He introduced himself, waiting for you to do the same. "And my name is Y/N, and today we are going to answer some questions from the Internet." You said as Pedro shook the jar with the questions written on small pieces of paper."Let's see what the first question will be." He said, turning the jar over so that you could pick one up. "What was the last song you listened to?" He leaned over to your side, reading over your shoulder. "Do you remember?"

"Let's dance by Bowie. I listened to it in the car when I was coming here." You said, leaving the paper on the table. "Whenever I'm feeling down, I put this song on, and everything is better. What about you?"

Pedro paused to think, looking distractedly to the side. "Someone sent me this video with the song Hey sexy lady and this has been on my mind since then."

"I think I know which video you are talking about." You laughed, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled and laid his head on your shoulder. "Well, next question. Are you good with accents?"

"Are you?" Pedro asked, as you shook your head negatively. "Come on, it shouldn't be that bad."

"The best I can do is a terrible British accent." And I'm not being modest; it's truly terrible." You rectified it, laughing. "But you, on the other hand, are good at it."

"I try; I've done a few different accents." Pedro said, moving his shoulders as if to ask something. "This is the way." He said it in his SNL Valley Girl accent.

You smiled as you shook the pot and motioned for him to take the next question.

"Recommend a book." He read, then tossed the paper aside. "I think I've mentioned this book before, but Gabriel Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude is a landmark in Latin American literature and well worth the read. Besides dealing playfully with social and economic problems, it talks about family, friendship, and love."

"That sounds interesting." You commented. "I would recommend Normal People by Sally Rooney. It's a great book, which in addition to telling the story of Marianne and Connel, deals with topics such as mental health, social classes and makes us reflect on how we impact people's lives and how they impact us."

"Nice." Pedro agreed, waiting for you to take a question.

"What is your celebrity crush?" You asked, and you can't deny that you were curious to know his answer.

"Tough question, there are so many people I admire." He began, adjusting his glasses. "However, if I had to pick one, it would be Helen Mirren since Excalibur. Oh Morgana Le Fay has awakened something in me.""She's wonderful." You agreed, taking a moment to decide. "My celebrity crush is Tessa Thompson; that woman is amazing. She could punch me in the face and I'd thank her for it." "Whoa!" Pedro muttered in surprise. "I don't even know what to say." He joked as you pushed him lightly to the side.

"We only have two more." You commented, looking through the last few papers. "Let's see what the question is." You said, unfolding the paper. "Were you a good student? Were you Pedro?""I was a student." Pedro paused. "Maybe I got into some trouble." He joked, holding your arm as he laughed, "But they were always normal things, like skipping class or forgetting to do an assignment.""I guess I was a good student; I got good grades; I was a little nerdy; and I never got into any trouble." You spoke, throwing a lock of hair back."So, you were a good girl?" Pedro asked and you bit your lip."You could say that." You mumbled, holding the jar for him to pick up the last paper.

"What's the one thing you wish you could tell your younger self?" He read, looking thoughtful for a moment. "I would say that everything would eventually work out and that some things tend to take longer to happen. And to never, no matter what, stop being who you are."

You smiled, gently touching his shoulder. Pedro stared at your face and returned the smile.

"I'd tell her to not be so hard on herself and to try to enjoy the moments without worrying so much about the things she can't control." You said sincerely. "Well, it looks like the questions are over."

"It was a lot of fun answering them; I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as we did." Pedro spoke, smiling. "Until next time." He said, and made the peace sign with his fingers.

"Bye." You spoke, waving to the camera.

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x actress reader #actress!reader

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nogenderbee · 8 months

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Could I request Zhongli, Thoma, Ayato, and Al-Haitham, and Kaveh hearing their lover talking about how they want to spend an eternity with them?

Of course! Again oneshots to make the reactions different for all. But yeah I had lots of fun doing it so hope you like it too! <3

Zhongli, Thoma, Ayato, Alhaitham, Kaveh being told you want to spend an eternity with them

TagList: @bleachtheidiot

You and Zhongli had your classic and well known date, which was simple and yet enjoyable, so called tea date! You always chatted or listened to your boyfriend's stories, and his voice was always able of calming you down~

"... and that's how it ended. I could tell you a bit about the events that happened in the meantime. Have I told you about those time or have I not mentioned them untill now?"

"I don't think you did."

You were admiring him at this point, he may've thought that it's because you payed attention to what he's talking about at first but now when it was just you responding, and you still looked at him with this dreamy gaze, he knew there was something going on.

"Is everything alright, dear?"

"Yes, I was only thinking about how much I want to spend eternity you~"

That catched him off guard but he only showed surprised expression. He was a bit flustered but he wasn't blushing. He just cleared his throat and decided to move in from there.

"Ehem, thank you. I dearly hope your wish can come true. I'd be really happy as well if it would."

It was normal for you to visit Thoma when he was doing his job or was during his break. Maybe it was to help him or to simply spend time with him. Either way, he never really mind! In fact, he was more than happy to see your face and it always gave him the boost of motivation he needed.

Even now he was just finishing watering flowers at Kamieato Estate and yet he was also planning your date out loud.

"And after that little walk of ours, I thought of treating you to some sweet! Miss Ayaka gave me good place recommendation!"

You really found it quite impressive that he could do his work properly and think of you without a problem. Sure, Ayaka did helped him but that's still something! You couldn't help but let him somehow know how glad you are for him.

"That's perfect~ I really wish to spend eternity with no on else but you."

Boy's eyes went wide and shade of red quickly spread across his cheeks, as he became to stutter. He tries calming himself down but it seemed like it's of no use in front of you.

"A-Ah, thank you... you're... very kind... that's nothing new of course! I- My wish is the same, trust me dear."

You and Ayato just had a little walk. It wasn't a date but more like simple hangout to make the bond between you stronger. You were simply holding hands and chatting, even tho comfortable silence also had it's place.

"that's why I think dates like that turn out the best for us. But I saw that you enjoy those too, isn't that right?"

"Yes. You know me so well!"

"I try my best. If we plan to spend future with each other, it's only reasonable."

"Mhm, I wish to spend eternity with you~"

These words really just slipped from your mouth but it looks like he didn't mind at all. In fact, he seemed somehow pleased by your answer as he had a little smile on his face.

"Those are bold words. But I do feel the same. As long as I can, I'll always choose you~ in any life."

Maybe he was so calm because he expected it? Or he felt the same towards you for a long time and just didn't knew how to say it? Or maybe it's the fact he comes from region of eternity? Many questions and yet so little answers. But it doesn't matter! After all both of you have those lovey dovey smiles on your faces~

Quiet dates were common thing between you and Alhaitham. Even now he was reading a book as you were doing your own things, but he also held your hand with his free hand.

But you suddenly got an idea or maybe your mind just wandered somewhere... whether was it for the sake of making him at least a bit flustered or because you genuinely wanted him to know... lovely words left your mouth.

"You know, I really wish to spend eternity with no one other than you..."

"Thank you, I'm glad we both think the same. I can't wait to see what the future will be like for us."

He says it almost as if he expected it, as if it was already so obvious to him. But you know him and you made sure to look closely... when your said those words, is eyes went wide a bit and even now he has problems with focusing back on his book, he may even quickly look your way from time to time.

He was trying his best to hide how flustered that made him but you couldn't let go so simply! So of course you added few more words to tease him~ And as you do, a faint blush appears on his face.

"It seems like my words moved you a bit~"

"Only a bit. It's expected reaction when I hear my lover say such a thing."

Kaveh and you were classically walking around while he was rambling to you about what kind of project he had in mind recently. He never liked to spend time with you in his house because of his roommate... long story short, you usually hangout outside.

But today, when you two were walking, you couldn't focus on what he's talking as you were lost in your thoughts.

"Hey! Earth to Y/N! What were you even daydreaming of?"

"Oh! Well... I was just thinking of how I wish we could spend eternity together..."

"What-!?"

You definitely made him blush, but he also liked the idea of spending so much time with you. He was simply a bit shocked to answer you instantly.

"Mhm, I thought of how it can look... you know, our house, our life... all of that."

He definitely needed some time to calm down so you stood silent for few seconds to let him do just that. And soon after, you finally received a reply from him!

"It sounds lovely~ I think I already have few ideas on aesthetic of our house. I'm sure you'll like it!"

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

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sgiandubh · 7 months

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Saw your comment: "We're not all thirsty mommies, nor 12, nor bitter bitches. I'd love to see and hear more about what is beneath that mask, not beneath that shirt." Sam has done that before. He wrote an entire book about his journey but the book is called bullshit and he a liar. He's written well-thought out articles and forewords to books. He speaks intelligently and passionately and knowledgably about his liquors and the process of getting to market, and is called a shill. His work with Prickly Thistle is expensive and taking peoples' money, even when it helped this woman-owned mill immensely. It goes on and on. Today he's been accused of hypocrisy for a plastic cup, thirst trapping to change a conversation and using his social media as a PR tool to fool gullible women. Some may want to see beneath the mask but when he's shown what he is willing to you get the above.

Dear Hypocrisy Anon,

Thank you for your thoughts. I have read your long comment very carefully and let's say I agree with about 85% of it. The itching point is, of course, the book: Waypoints is a good ghostwritten memoir I have commented at length, with a more benevolent view than most of those who found it took some substantial liberty with what they (and I, for that matter) think it's the current state of play in SC Land. Note I am not saying the truth: that's only for Them to know, not for us. So dismissing it and calling everything a lie is a bit of a stretch. It's just a memoir, to be followed by other projects, other books. And who knows, another memoir, later on, where he could correct the course again at his convenience. He's only 43. Give the man some credit.

Trouble is, the world is a vast and diverse place. It's not just this fractured fandom. If he wants to remain relevant beyond OL, he needs, in my humble opinion, two things: a) to score a big role in a big budget production, which would improve his notoriety and help him reach a different public and b) curate his personal image a bit more and get out of this midlife crisis fake character he's peddling around. The only people who find it interesting are the thirsty mommies in *urv's crowd and that's, uhm... a bit irrelevant, in the big scheme of things.

So, no more political blunders, please and thank you. Shut the hell up and play Switzerland on complicated and divisive society issues which can get one in boiled water for a comma. Carefully picked and curated CSR projects, he'd ideally be more actively involved in. And yes, maybe a bit more transparency on the so many great things he does, like that partnership with the Edinburgh's Youth Theatre he didn't even mention himself or include in his stories (no doubt, out of a very British and endearing sense of modesty). And always remember: when faced with something beautiful and fragile, like that story, people will try their best to smear it and break it. I am not bitter, just realistic.

Same goes for your conclusion: I am sure many would like to see more of what is beneath that mask. It's too bad that a bunch of bitter, nasty, clueless, but also very noisy women occupy a bigger part of the stage than they should.

But have faith, Anon. For the moment, all of this is nothing what a good PR, not the clowns he obviously hired, can't fix with relative ease. Trust me. I've seen way worse. And remember, always remember what dear Wilde (God, I love that soul!) said: 'every saint has a past and every sinner has a future'.

You just gave me an idea for a future post and for this, I thank you, Anon. But for now, I have to catch up on a thing or two, rather than determine the morality of a plastic glass. I hope this long answer helps somewhat. Thank you for dropping by: it was a pleasure reading your musings.

#Anon

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eighthday · 5 months

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Review first season "Vigil"

I can't get rid of some thoughts when watching season one. Ep 1. Let's continue that what is shown to us on the screen has a second bottom. I know how the story ends, so I can rethink its beginning a little. When Amy runs away, is it not only a system of physical and mental support, but also a way to get away from problems? She has all the time in the world for reconciliation, but she is busy with the usual. Her work brings her back to reality. She needs an event that will stop her usual course of action.

It seems that the boss knows something about the two of them. Just look at his upset look)

And then Amy shows hope, fear, and uncertainty for a few seconds. And it's so layered. I hope none of the pens were damaged during the filming of these seconds)

I'd like to see Kirsten's reaction when the boss hands over Amy's request. Pain? Anger? Hope? Definitely love. For her, it's not only a duty, but also a desire to help and protect, so when Kirsten asks to give up the assignment, he still cares about Amy. She saw different sides of Amy. And she didn't refuse, harboring feelings for Amy months after the breakup.

I won't say that Amy is a bad hostess for Cat, but what would have happened if Kirsten hadn't agreed to stay in Amy's apartment? I'm worried about cat) And we find out that this is not the first time Kirsten has stayed like this with a cat. It's happened before.

They went somewhere together, they were somewhere, maybe someone knows about them, or it's just a reference to colleagues. They just didn't show us.

How good is this scene. Looking around, they look at each other. They look at each other as equals. After a stressful trip, Kirsten says something that can be interpreted ambiguously. This is a phrase not only for Amy's assignment, but also to describe their relationship. And maybe that's all for Amy to try.

Kirsten says "not now", but not later. Kirsten knows how to wait. Let's skip the moment when Amy is wearing a red suit, when she begins her journey deep into not only the depths of the sea, but also herself, and Kirsten has a green color that goes so well with red hair. It doesn't remind me of anything, I swear)

(Added)

Diving into the past begins not only for Amy, but also for Kirsten. Even the color palette of the scene is painted blue. Blue is the color of loss, loss, grief and loneliness. For Kirsten, this is a chance to reevaluate what happened, go through this path again and maybe come to another exit. Because blue is also wisdom, trust and loyalty. For me, their memories that will be shown to us work for the two of them. One lives this past when he writes, the other remembers when he reads, and vice versa. The life and investigation of one and the other depend on each other, on their common past, trust and attention to each other. And it's also interesting that Kirsten came home to Amy without a bag. Either she gets it out of the car after she looks around the house, or she left some things with Amy after they broke up.

We see the past coming back. And this past affects not only mental health, but also the course of the investigation. I like the idea that Amy's return to life is about creating a common language with Kirsten. Jokes, music, books, tea on the roof, cat, morse code and much more. And this is what will help her cope, only in the first episode she doesn't know about it yet)

Amy's knees are on Kristen's legs, and Kirsten is holding Amy's ankle.❤️ _____________________

English is not my first language, so any mistakes are mine) I love Amy and Kirsten and I'm looking forward to the season 2.

#vigil #rose leslie #suranne jones #amy silva #kirsten longacre #silvacre #amy x kirsten

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lyranova · 10 months

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Hello if it's not too complicated I'd like to request for nozel with a very psychologically intelligent s/o? Idk if you've watched the show but she's like Gideon from criminal minds (basically she can tell a person's character and everything about them just by looking at them).

Julius assigns her to nozels team but he always looked down on her because she wasn't a good fighter or had any exceptional magic skills but then one day he watched her go at it and find a criminal he was having trouble finding for months with ease and his heart just goes doki doki??

Nozel with a psychologically smart s/o feels like a good pairing cuz he's not the most expressive person and she can read a person like a book so I feel like she'd make a good partner for nozel

Hiya anon! I have seen Criminal Minds so I know exactly what you mean, although it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen it 😅! Of course, and I can totally see Nozel with someone who is psychologically intelligent as well, honestly I can see him with many different types of S/O’s 😆. But I hope you enjoy~!

Word Count: 787

Warnings: None

———

Nozel smiled softly as he gently stroked the side of his girlfriend's sleeping face. They had been together for 3 years now, and he couldn’t help but chuckle when he remembered how the two had met.

They had met when Julius had called Nozel into his office, at first the Captain of the Silver Eagles had thought it would be to scold him or to ask for an update on their pending cases. But instead he was greeted by a smiling Julius and a young woman with a serious look on her face.

As Nozel had walked in Julius began to introduce the woman to him. He said she was very smart and had a sort of “sixth sense” when it came to understanding people and that he believed she could help him on his latest, and most difficult, case.

Nozel had scoffed, this woman had a “sixth sense” when it came to people? It almost made him laugh, there was no way that was possible. But since it was a direct order from the Wizard King, Nozel couldn’t refuse her and had no choice but to allow her into his squad.

He took her out on missions and watched her spar against his siblings and other Silver Eagle mages, if she had this special ability then her magic and fighting skills should be on par right? Wrong. Her fighting and magic skills were well below Nozel’s standards and he started to think maybe Julius was mistaken and had only done this in order to punish Nozel for not being able to catch the criminal plaguing the Capitol.

At least that’s what he initially thought.

But then one day, as Nozel and his squad were looking over the reports and over the evidence of the case. The young woman had walked in and asked if she could take a look at them, and at first Nozel had scoffed but reluctantly handed her the papers. If the Silver Eagles hadn’t managed to catch the criminal all this time, there was no way she would be able to.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

After a few minutes of looking over the evidence the woman suddenly asked if she could talk to one of the witnesses. Nozel and the others had frowned in confusion but agreed, so they took her to the Capitol and let her speak to the witness. After speaking with them for a few minutes and asking a particular set of questions she looked at Nozel and requested that the witness be arrested. Nozel and his squad, along with the witness, all grew confused and began to ask what the meaning of this was.

The woman then began to point out irregularities in the witness story, how the witnesses demeanor and mannerisms changed when they were asked certain questions, and how they smelled of the same chemical that they said was found at the crime scene and that their work allowed them easy access to said chemical.

The witness and the other squad members said that was nothing more than a coincidence but Nozel decided to take a leap of faith and believe her. So he brought the witness in for more questions and they eventually confessed to the crime.

Nozel had wondered if it had just been a stroke of luck, but the more she did it, and the more she helped them solve their most difficult cases he realized that Julius was right. She did have a “sixth sense” when it came to people.

As the two worked together more and more, Nozel began to grow fond of the young woman. When she showed off her intelligence he noticed his heart would skip a beat, and it would do the same thing when she smiled at him for no particular reason. And when the two weren’t working together on a mission Nozel noticed he began to miss her and would feel lonely without her.

He wasn’t sure if these were the feelings of love, but there was certainly something here that he wanted to explore.

One day as the two finished working on a case Nozel decided to ask her out for dinner, at first she had laughed and teased him, before she grew serious and asked if his offer was genuine or if it was out of gratitude for her help. When he told her the offer was genuine she grinned and accepted happily.

That was 3 years ago now, and he couldn’t believe just how much time had gone by.

Nozel was pulled out of his memories when his girlfriend snuggled deeper into his chest. He chuckled softly before wrapping his arms around her, kissing her head, and falling asleep beside her.

———

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

#asks #anon🌟#black clover #black clover oneshot #black clover fanfic #black clover fanfiction #black clover x you #black clover x y/n #black clover x reader #nozel silva #black clover nozel #black clover nozel silva #nozel x reader #nozel x you #nozel x y/n

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mybworlds · 5 months

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Bittersweet

CHAPTER 1

status: ongoing

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…

rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)

Before to start... Hello people, I know there are other two ff that I already started, but I dreamt this new idea for my new ff. So I decided to write it down it. So here we are. If you want to let me know what you think about it I'd be glad to read you.

No offence pls, if you dislike it go away :)

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner

You always dreamed of doing something special, of being the person who would make a difference in the world….

So you hoped.

You hoped to become a great writer of romance novels, and you hoped to instill hope in the hearts of young people not to give up in the face of love and the possible obstacles that may arise.

But not all dreams come true.

In fact, you ended up working in a small bar on the outskirts of your town, surrounded by the many stories of the many diners who populate the place during the daytime or evening hours--depending on the shifts. These stories are the most different, and cannot help but feed your wild imagination.

In the evening, when you are not on shift, you write dozens and dozens of stories on your computer: some are shorts, some are very long and have happy endings, some less. It depends on your mood and how you imagine certain events you've witnessed or heard will end.

"I'm home!"

Your mother has just returned from a nearly seventy-two-hour shift at the hospital, she works in emergency medicine, and - since your father died (or at least she always said) - when she's not at home, you have to do everything, housework and bar work, grocery shopping, paying bills.

"Hi, Mom."

You absentmindedly greet her by putting down your computer glasses and crinkling your eyes in exhaustion.

"Did you buy groceries?"

The usual string of questions starts, to which you always answer with a distracted yes. You are almost 30 years old, but sometimes you feel like you are 40s or even 50s. Sometimes you think you would just like to enjoy youth, to be carefree, light-hearted, you would like to be free even to make mistakes, and instead you feel caged in this life. In a life where the only rule is you must.

"So you're okay with that?" your mother suddenly asks, making you get your feet back on the ground.

"What?" you ask confused.

"You might even listen to me for once!" blurts out Mom.

"I just got distracted for a second!" you exclaim trying to catch up.

Mom snorts, "I asked you if you were free tomorrow for your guitar lesson."

Ah yes, the exhilarating guitar lessons!

Mom, ever since Dad left (but she always said it was as if he was dead), has demanded that you take piano lessons first and guitar lessons later, like your father. You can't understand your mother, sometimes she seems to hate your father, sometimes she doesn't.

About love, you've always wanted it to be forever. Maybe it's just some romantic bullshit you always watched in movies or read in books, but you want to believe that there really exists out there for you, someone who is willing to love you for a lifetime. Too bad you haven't found anyone so far who is willing to love you the same way you love, to want you the way you want!

Going back to your guitar lessons, your teacher is a bit of a peculiar guy, a bit of a loner, a lover of many things and one opposed to the other. He's -- you don't know exactly how to define him. You've never been able to decipher him. He seems gruff, but at the same time he has a good side and probably deep down sweet.

Very deep down.

"Yes, don't worry." Mom, ever since he left, has become overprotective in some ways with you, has demanded to control you even though you are not so young anymore, wants to know what you read, what you see, what you do. It may seem normal, perhaps, for a mom to try to get to know what her child does, but not the way she does. If you are evasive for one reason for another, she becomes a hound, suffocating almost. Once she even demanded to read a chat you created with friends fearing that you might be in touch with a man much older than you, and instead she found herself a chat where you were exchanging sometimes funny and sometimes even private messages with some of your close friends from school, which even embarrassed you, but mom justified herself by saying she was doing it for you. She even banned you from driving for fear that you might have a car accident! You have a driver's license, but your mother won't even let you drive around town. She always has to be the one to drive you. These manias of hers are suffocating!

"Good. Do you have money to pay for it?" she asks you.

"Yes, don't worry," you reply, going to prepare dinner.

"We have to be very punctual or I'll be late for the hospital," she informs you.

"Do you have another night?" you ask her "It will be the fifth time in a month! But didn't there used to be shifts once even in the hospital?" you ask again as you prepare some pasta.

"Yes, but -- you know, there are only a few of us and then there are even more emergencies than usual."

You follow your mother with your eyes as you see her typing on her cell phone. Your mother sometimes looks like the young woman and you look like the mom.

What an unfair life!

The next day your life flows as usual, you get up very early, make coffee bringing it also to your mother, go to shower, get dressed and go to work.

At the café there is the usual hustle and bustle, who wants coffee, who wants a croissant, who wants a slice of pizza, who wants something else. You don't have a moment to yourself. Only when it's almost lunchtime now, you stop and go to the back of the store to eat your sandwich and smoke. Yes, you smoke. The only real transgression in your life. If your mother found out she would probably kill you, but you don't care smoking makes you feel good and maybe it makes you feel good because it's a decision you made, not because it was forced on you.

You rub one temple and look toward the road covered with a hint of snow. You wonder what you would have been doing by now if you had not been there with your mother, if maybe you were busy in college or maybe in pursuing some master's degree, you wonder who you might have been if you had dared to live your life to the fullest.

In the afternoon, your mother - after making sure you are dressed appropriately, that you have sheet music and whatnot - drops you off in front of your teacher's building.

The latter lives on the top of seven floors, it's practically a penthouse, it's beautiful place. Being with him -- a little less so.

When you knock, you are about to greet him, but a completely different man from your teacher appears in front of you. He is tall, much taller than your teacher and you, curly brown hair, dark eyes, a look that is at first grim, then curious, defined jaw line and curved nose. He is perhaps 40 years old.

You stand open-mouthed, thinking you had the wrong house for a moment, then realizing it's the right address.

"I was looking for Mr. Miller," you say.

"In person." he replies.

"Tommy Miller," you say.

"I'm his brother." he says again.

You are about to say something, but he is the one who interrupts you by asking if you are his student and calling your name, you nod in confusion.

"My brother had to leave yesterday morning. He told me you were coming and to wait for you to let you know." he clarifies by placing his hands on his hips.

He is incredibly muscular; you have never seen a man like him. He hits you right away.

"I see. Then -- I'll go." ready to leave.

You make to turn your back to him "Did Mommy tell you not to talk to strangers?" he asks making you turn back to him "I saw you get out of your mother's car." he adds noticing your confused look.

"What did you say?" you ask in annoyance.

You see him smirking and cross his arms "Are you afraid the big bad wolf will eat you?"

You wrinkle your forehead "First, I don't even know who you are." you say moving a couple of steps closer to him "And second…"

"Joel." he introduces himself by extending his hand.

"You're creepy -- Joel," you say looking first at his hand and then at his face.

"You, on the other hand, are shy." he notes looking at you and running his gaze over your figure. No one has ever looked at you like this. Making your skin warmed. "Yes, you are a shy little one." he adds, smiling and making wrinkles appear on the sides of his eyes.

"Your brother is definitely nicer," you say.

Lie. Tommy has always been very much on his own.

He just bends his head to the side, "Funny, people always told me I'm the nice one of the Miller brothers."

Gotcha.

"Well, maybe they never really knew you!"

"And you in less than a minute figured out who am I?" he asks, leaving you speechless.

No, you know very well that you cannot judge anyone in less than a minute. If someone had judged you in less than a minute they probably would have dismissed you as an ordinary young woman, lacking dreams of her own, trivial.

Perhaps the same thing applies to the man in front of you, Joel Miller.

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ddarker-dreams · 7 months

Note

Hi Lock~ I wanted to ask you abt how you got into literature, and how you’d maybe recommend someone else to start? I want to expand on my reading (and also you’ve hyped up Dostoevsky sooo much I’m hooked but I KNOW I’m not at that lvl yet haha) but there’s so many different sources and stuff idrk where to start. I have seen your list of recommendations and other people’s lists as well but Im never sure if they’re a good place if someone is just starting into literature; I’ve been really interested in Picture of Dorian Gray, Jane Eyre and Frankenstein right now, do you think they’d be okay? Did you look at books you knew you’d be into? Or did you try out smth new entirely? Also did you look at any sources online that you could recommend? I know I’ve asked a lot so you of course don’t have to answer them, but please let me know what you think!!

I also wanted to ask, as someone who’s read many classics in literature, in your opinion, how would you define literature? And what do you think makes a book a classic?

From a very clueless anon, hope you and bun bun have a great day and stay hydrated!!!!

hello anon!!! there are so many interesting questions here, i'll try answering them to the best of my abilities!!!!

(how i got into literature)

i'd been neglecting published works for most of my life because i just preferred fanfic way more. it wasn't until a bit into 2021 that i saw this Discourse Causing Post that 'you can't grow as an author if you don't read published works,' or something among those lines. i thought this was really interesting because i'd never given it much thought. around that point, even though writing was a hobby, i felt really motivated to improve. i normally spent no more than a day or two on a story before moving onto the next. which is fine, because fanfic writing is a hobby, but i felt i'd be capable of more if i put in the extra time and effort.

so basically i got into it because i wanted to write my silly little yandere fics better jdfklgjsdg

(recommendations for getting into literature)

i focused on the genre i thought i'd be the most interested in: horror. then i branched out from there. i looked up what people considered must-reads for the genre because i figured that'd be a good place to start. if you know what sort of genres you like, doing some research into its most prevalent/foundational works isn't a bad idea. that's the approach i took. authors throughout the centuries influence and inspire one another, i wanted to be able to map those connections out. this also helps give some context to older books with references that'd be loss on a modern audience.

(how i went about looking into books to see if i wanted to read them)

i research everything like my life's on the line, so i do look into books before i read them. i go for a synopsis that doesn't include spoilers and consider if that's a story i'd get invested in. if not, i'll read some reviews for fresh perspectives. if i'm still kinda meh by then, the book gets passed on.

(defining literature/classics)

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH literary theory is not my field of expertise ... i'd personally define literature as any written work such as fiction and nonfiction. it can encompass so many things that defining it feels tricky. as for how i'd define a classic, all art is subjective or whatever, but there are stories that just have the It factor. whether that is their cultural impact, or works that are pillars to the genre(s) they were written in. you can see the ripples that it made after its publication.

finally, as for the books you listed (jane eyre, the picture of dorian gray, and frankenstein), i'd highly recommend them!!! all of them are apart of the gothic genre, which is one of my favorites. they've all stood the test of time for good reason.

#lock lore #answered #Anonymous

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dreamersbcll · 8 months

Text

I think I’m finally clean

- a piece for myself; an ode to one year sober

——————————————————————————

Sam didn’t know how to bring it up. It was the elephant in the room, the weight on her chest. The anxiety pressed down on her lungs, making breathing hard. The worst part is, it was good news that she couldn’t get out.

One year. One whole year of sobriety. No drugs, no drinks, no bars. Just walking the straight and narrow and keeping her nose clean.

It was the most exhaustive thing Sam had ever willingly done.

She knew this was a significant accomplishment- hell, a major victory- but she couldn’t quite believe it. None of it felt tangible or even remotely meaningful. Sam knows that she worked hard to achieve this. Why couldn’t she accept that she had done a good thing?

Perhaps it was the guilt. The hot shame that sat in her throat, burning holes each time she spoke the truth. Getting clean and sober was a good thing, especially since she did it for herself only. But good things weren’t in her favor. She had quite the track record for screwing up.

Yet despite all her efforts to self-sabotage, she was here, in a shitty folding chair in a dingy room, waiting to announce her anniversary to a bunch of strangers. In a way, it was poetic, Sam Carpenter, the sinner, confessing once again for her own personal crimes.

But everyone had their own demons and reasons to be, and Sam was just a tiny voice in a very large crowd.

That’s what she told herself anyway.

“Alright! Anyone else want to share?” chirped the chairperson. Sharon, maybe.

Sam holds her breath, willing everyone to stay quiet. She was bursting to share and needed to before she exploded into a million half-assed apologies and used bottle caps.

Thankfully, everyone heard her silent prayers and stayed quiet.

Clapping her hands together, Sharon spoke with hope. “Okay. Does anybody have an anniversary to celebrate?”

Immediately, Sam’s hand shot up, refusing to be ignored. Smiling, Sharon beckoned Sam to the podium.

Now, Sam Carpenter wasn’t a stranger to speaking to mirrors, and this crowd of people wasn’t any different. Reflected to Sam was her, all of her, in other bodies and life stories. Once an addict is always an addict, the addiction runs deep in their veins.

Breathing out, Sam began.

“Hi, I’m Sam. I’m one year clean today, and I'd like to share a story with you all,” she huskily said, her voice thick with emotion.

Her reflection nodded back to her, and so she began.

——

“Sammy.”

Looking up from her sketchbook, Sam raised an eyebrow at her little sister. Tara was lying across her feet, her little head on Sam’s ankles. Instead of playing with her toys or reading her big-girl chapter books, Tara was staring at the ceiling, her brow furrowed.

“What’s up, honey?” Sam mused, putting down her colored pencil.

Tara chewed on her lip, a worried frown on her face. Her baby sister was wise for her age, but even though Tara was a little too astute for a seven-year-old, she was still that—a child. Sam was constantly reminded that she was raising a sensitive child, even if she was quiet and careful.

Sam reached her arms out, beckoning Tara to her. Her little sister scrambled up, immediately crashing into Sam’s arms. She grunted a bit at the force Tara managed to construe but still held her little girl close.

“Oof. Hey baby. What’s going on? Are you okay?” she murmured, kissing her hair.

Her little sister just shuddered, eyes fluttering shut at the kiss. “Sammy, I don’t want to be like mommy,” she whimpered, wiggling deeper into Sam’s ribs.

Pausing, Sam let the words roll through her brain. This wasn’t the conversation she expected. She should’ve known Tara picks up on more than she realizes.

“Well, what do you mean, baby?”

Tara shrugged. “She’s mean. And loud. And when she drinks, she hurts us. I don’t wanna be mean. Will I be mean?”

As if all the oxygen was sucked from the room, Sam breathed deeply. Of course, Tara would pick up on Christina’s careless alcoholism. She was too intelligent and intuitive for her own good

Sam hummed. “No baby, you won’t be like her. You won’t be mean. You will be good, I know it,” she soothed, rubbing circles on Sam’s back.

Her little sister sniffled a bit. “Will you be mean like mommy?” she softly asked, her voice barely registering above a whisper.

Her body stiffened, her back ramrod straight. She was only twelve, but she knew her mom wasn’t any good. Christina was a liar and a cold-hearted manipulator. She didn’t care, and she took what she pleased, offering nothing in return. Sam would never be like her.

“No. I will not be mean like her. I won’t let myself or you follow her steps. Okay? I’ve got us. I promise,” she sharply said.

Tara jerkily nodded against Sam, holding onto fistfuls of Sam’s shirt as if she was about to fall off the face of the earth. Sam held back just as tight. She wouldn’t let herself or Tara fall off the wagon like Christina always did.

That’s what she told herself at twelve years old, anyway.

——

“And now, at twenty-two years old, I am proud to say that I am officially one year clean from substance abuse and alcohol. I am new, and I am alive.”

Sam cleared her throat, her vision blurring. She could feel her throat choke up, her skin flushed with incoming tears. It truthfully took everything in her not to ugly cry, but she promised herself to make it through this. So she would.

“And I am not my mother. I am better than her. I am clean; I am whole and alive,” she firmly said, refusing to let her voice waver.

It took a second, but the room burst in a round of applause; a few scattered congratulations and whoops could be heard among the noise. Sam released her grip from the podium, breathing in the feeling of success.

No. Hope.

That was an odd feeling. Hope. The fluttering bird in her chest gently asked to be freed and followed. The smell of budding spring flowers and cold winter days. It always followed her, a thin ribbon in the middle of her ribcage, holding her bones together.

Sam wasn’t used to leaning into the hope, the curiosity of what could be. But today, in a room full of people like herself, she could feel the warmth splash over her face, holding her like the sun after a long rain shower.

She was clean. She was whole. She was alive.

And she had forgiven herself for her past to build a stable future. One with someone she missed some deadly; the only other person she had fought to get clean for real.

Maybe, just maybe, one day, her sister could forgive her, too.

But for now, she was alive. That was enough.

#scream #sam carpenter #tara carpenter #carpenter sisters #AU: protect my heart #my writing tag #this is a letter to myself telling me i’m okay #sam carpenter and i are the same #projecting a little bit onto sam sorry

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hamliet · 4 months

Note

Anon who talked about book 7 of TGCF here! I unfortunately will only have book 8 available this February :') once I get my hands on it I will review it here like I did for the last books if you don't mind! Meanwhile, I still have a lot of thoughts on TGCF, and I hope I don't bother you with how long this ask is 😅

I've seen an interpretation online of the bamboo-hat scene in book 6 in which it says that XL would've never ended up as White No-Face's successor even if the bamboo hat guy didn't appear, because it isn't in XL's nature to do something so destructive and evil. Is it bad that I think think this interpretation diminishes the impact the bamboo-hat scene has for me? Because to me what made that scene so great was the fact that kindness was indeed able to change someone at their worst and by consequence bring out their best self. Hell, what makes the conflict between JW and XL so interesting to me is because XL could've indeed become like him had he not received kindness in his darkest moments, and by consequence JW could've been like XL under the right circumstances. "XL is just naturally gooder™ than JW" is not exactly an interpretation I like, and I think it may even contradict the message of other character arcs in the story as well. HC was saved by the kindness he received from XL, and thus became devoted to him. When HX chose his revenge over his friendship with SQX, it didn't satisfy him, and it even made him more miserable, as he lost his only friend in the process. Guzi, by loving QR unconditionally and genuinely as his son, ended up bringing up to the surface a side of QR that perhaps not even QR knew he had, and it moved his heart enough that he ended up sacrificing himself to save Guzi in turn. QYZ became attached to YY because he showed him compassion when everyone else dismissed him and thought of him as nothing more than a brute. I could go on and on. In other MXTX's books there's also a big emphasis on the impact kindness and genuine connection can have on people. WWX could've easily become a XY or a JGY had he been raised in different circumstances. Hell, the constrast between Bingmei and Bingge hinges on the fact that Bingmei was shown kindness while Bingge wasn't, and the difference between them is of day and night.

Usually they mention the quote "What matters is 'you' and not the state of you.", and that part where HC knew XL wasn't the one who did the guilded banquet Massacre, but I didn't exactly interpret these quotes to mean that XL is naturally good™ in a way that he's able to do no big evil, but rather that he's naturally good in a sense that evil isn't something natural to him, even if he participates in it, which is a theme that can also be seen in characters like JW, HX and QR, who became who they are due to the circumstances in their life shaping them into who they became. It's even highlighted that QR used to be a shy and sweet kid until his environment raised him into a monster. Evil isn't natural but rather something slowly molded by circumstances is how I interpreted it. And as for the Guilded Massacre, it's more that HC saw XL rejecting cursing Yong'an after the bamboo-hat scene and thus rejecting White No-Face's philosophy precisely because it was proven wrong in his eyes, and therefore it would make no sense for XL to be responsible for the guilded banquet massacre later on.

Of course I could be completely wrong in my interpretation, but this is what I picked up while reading the novel. Maybe it's my bias against the immobility of the self? Once again I'm sorry for the wall of text, it's just that I have a lot of thoughts about the way MXTX's books handle the impact that kindness and connection have on the self. I also really like your theories and interpretations not only on MXTX's novels, but for other works as well (I'll only be able to read the ones on JW next month in order to avoid spoilers unfortunately)!

No, I completely agree with you. Actually, I'd go so far as to say that's misreading the story, and the ending--without spoilers--makes this textually explicit. Like, it literally says, not symbolically but directly, that the point is that Xie Lian could have become just like Jun Wu.

So, they're not just misinterpreting, they're misreading. I'm guessing theses are the same kinds of people who think MDZS's message is WWX=good JGY=bad, honestly, when again that means that you're missing the point of the story. (Good point about Luo Binghe, as well!)

To return to TGCF, Hua Cheng's "what matters is you and not the state of you" has nothing at all to do with Xie Lian being a "good" person. In fact, Hua Cheng is pretty explicitly amoral. He's loyal to Xie Lian because Xie Lian was kind to him and he fell in love with him. It does not matter to him whether Xie Lian does good or does bad; that's the point of Wu Ming. It only matters to him that he is Xie Lian, and Xie Lian told him he mattered and did not deserve to be treated as he was being treated.

Of course, one could counter that love itself is a moral virtue, so thereby it saves Hua Cheng and the whole world, but that's for another time haha.

And, of course, please do continue to share your thoughts!!

#ask hamliet #tgcf #mxtx

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givemea-dam-break · 1 year

Note

Lovely, that's what I hoped to hear🩷 absolutely love the stuff of yours that I have read so far, and I'll definitely read the test when I have time, but in the meantime i'm gonna leave this request: a george x reader, somewhat inspired by the "Flower" oneshot you wrote for Lockwood. I'm thinking they go to the Fittes Ball, and the reader goes shopping with lucy for dresses. And I'd love some flustered George who is just wholly overwhelmed by reader who is all dolled up in a pretty dress. And here you can maybe include some locklyle? Like Lockwood showering Lucy in compliments and being charming and confident as usual and reader hoped for a similar reaction from George but he just kinda says nothing bc he doesn't know how to handle himself. And they go to the ball and while lucy and lockwood go off to retrieve the book, reader and george just are kinda awkward until some guy (or someone we know, kipps or someone) comes up to reader and asks her to dance. And she jist goes with him bc while she is disappointed with georges reaction she is still determined to enjoy the evening. And maybe when they are about to leave George wants to get her and she dismisses it and says she's having a good time and she's coming home later. And when she comes home george is still awake and waiting for her in the kitchen and they have a little fight and some confessions 👀

Let me know if you like that idea! And thank you in advance if you decide to write it🩷

a/n: i love this idea so much!!! it’s going to go a little differently due to the fact that after the fittes ball, they have to go get the mirror, but i hope this has turned out ok as i've cut out a big chunk of the actual story to keep this moving lol. strap in because this is a long one <3 also can i just appreciate your username i love it

warnings: angst, mild language gn reader

"Best friends have correlating dresses. It's law, basically."

Lucy laughs at you, flicking through the dresses on the rack. "Is that so? I have to admit, I'm not great when it comes to clothes. You just pick for me."

Grinning, you show her the dress you've already picked out for her. It's simple, made of royal blue satin with flowy sleeves that bunch at the wrists, and it falls to what would be about mid-thigh. Lucy doesn't look entirely convinced, but when you show her the pair of sparkly tights, she smiles.

"It's part of the Lucy flair," you explain. "I have a pair of boots you can borrow to go with. I have the image in my mind."

"Alright, then," she says, taking the dress and tights from you. "What are you going to wear, Fashion Expert?"

"Hmm." You tap your finger on your lip before selecting a dress from the rack. Red, also satin, with fluttery capped sleeves and thin gold stitching in the shape of flowers at the hem. "What do you think? Red and blue - pretty iconic"

As you expected, Lucy shrugs. "You'll look pretty in it. You look pretty in everything."

"Thanks," you laugh. "Do you think he'll like it?"

"Who, George? I'm sure he will. Whether he tells you that is another story entirely."

"True."

The sad truth, really. As you both go up to the counter and purchase the dresses, you can only hope - dream, more like - that George will come out of his shell a little. He's not overly keen on the fact that he's coming to the Fittes Ball, but he agreed a little more easily when you said you could stick with him on the outskirts while Lockwood charms people until his socks blow off. You can't blame him for not wanting to come. He doesn't like people, really, and his thing is staying at home and sticking his nose in a book. If you guys weren't going to infiltrate the Black Library at Fittes for this book by Mary Dulac, he wouldn't be going at all, even with your promise.

On the walk back to Portland Row, you keep yourself talking, if only to keep the nerves away. If you're being honest, the whole prospect of breaking into Penelope Fittes' private library and stealing a book isn't what's making you sweat. It's the thought of George seeing you in a dress.

Most days are spent in pyjamas or your work clothes. There's nothing overly special about your faded jeans or ectoplasm-spotted jacket, not even your sturdy boots that you spent time making little embroidered patterns on. George has seen you at your worst - hair frizzed from sleep, crumbs left on your T-shirt, wearing socks with far too many holes in them, so the thought of dressing up for a special occasion makes you a little nervous. Will he think you look nice?

Lucy would scoff if you asked her that question. She'd say that you don't need a boy to find you pretty to be worth anything.

But George isn't just a boy. Not to you, anyways. He's much more than that.

The better part of the afternoon is spent getting ready. You fix Lucy up with a pair of your nicer boots and sit her down to put some makeup on her, for which she doesn't stay very still. Yeah, immediately after you're all going to go on a heist and steal back a very important mirror, but who's to say you both can't look good doing it?

George and Lockwood come in shortly after you've finished your own makeup, as well as styling yours and Lucy's hair, and you stop short, watching for George's reaction.

He's dressed in a nice black suit, with a white shirt and orange tie, and his hair is slightly neater than usual, but it suits him. Your heart flutters a little looking at him.

Lockwood, for his part, looks completely wonderstruck by Lucy, who watches him carefully. The tips of her ears are tinged pink.

"Luce, you look -" He clears his throat, and you hold back a smile. "You look great. Amazing, actually."

She presses her lips together, but you can see the smile tugging at the corners. "Thanks."

"Uh, I have something for you, if you'll accept it." From his pocket, he pulls out a thin silver chain on which a small gem glitters. "It belonged to someone close to me. I'd like for you to wear it."

Lucy takes it with gentle hands. "What if I lose it?"

"You have a pretty good track record with precious necklaces."

She laughs at that, looking over at you. You smile as you fasten the necklace around her neck. "Thank you, Lockwood."

His grin is confident, clearly bolstered by the fact that she accepted his gift. He keeps looking between her face and the glittering necklace.

Silence ensues, and your gaze travels over to George. He's standing there, staring at you with those gorgeous dark eyes of his, and for a moment, your heart feels like it's going to explode. You wonder what he'll say, if he likes the dress or not.

"I'll go check on the cab," he says before darting out of the room.

And, just like that, every piece of confidence you had dissipates and it feels as if you're a balloon with a hole poked in the side, slowly deflating. You should've expected it, really. George isn't the complimenting type, but you liked to hope that for once he might say something.

Swallowing your embarrassment at your failed hopes down, you plaster on a smile and turn to Lucy and Lockwood. "You're right, Lockwood. She does look amazing, doesn't she? Blue's her colour." You give a pointed look at the blue tie he wears, and notice he's even wearing blue socks.

The little detail makes you happy for Lucy, truly, but it doesn't make the hurt any less painful.

Lockwood smiles, but Lucy's quick to notice the expression hidden under your smile.

"Come on," she says. "We better get going."

The Fittes compound is bustling with people - wealthy socialites, young agents, supervisors, everyone dressed up in fancy clothes, sparkling in the twinkling lights. Music plays from every corner of the massive room in which the Ball is located, packed to the brim with people. Waiters breeze by with trays holding drinks and food. Lockwood plucks a flute of some sort of drink from a passing plate.

"Shall we make the rounds?"

Lucy groans. "Posh people and small talk. The worst form of torture."

George makes a sound of agreement but doesn't speak. Beside him, you shuffle awkwardly, clasping your hands behind your back.

"Plan still the same as earlier?" you ask Lockwood. "You and Lucy find the book while me and George stay to - what was it you said?"

"Mingle," Lucy says in a mocking tone. You've half a mind to believe she's done it to make you laugh.

"Just keep the attention off of our absence," Lockwood says. "Kipps probably expects the worst of us tonight."

"He asked you to this, didn't he?" Lucy asks you. "Won't be much of a problem to keep him distracted. Just dance with him or something."

Tension snaps in the air. Beside you, George doesn't say anything but his hands twitch a little bit.

You shrug. "Probably won't dance with anyone tonight. But I'll make conversation. I'm good at that."

Soon, Lucy and Lockwood split off from you and George. The two of you slowly drift towards the edge of the party, out of the tightly packed crowd of old people with expensive-smelling perfume and cologne. Once or twice, you almost choke on the strong scent.

George keeps close to the wall, watching the crowd carefully, while you stand a foot or two away, arms crossed over your stomach.

Truthfully, you'd love to be dancing. It's not so much about the party or even the music, but who you'd like to be dancing with and how it'd probably be the only time you ever get to do anything remotely like it with him. But here you stand, staring out at the few couples with the bustle that are shuffling together, grinning.

"Thanks for coming tonight," you say to George, trying to make conversation. Usually, it comes easily, and you can find anything to speak to him about, but it's strained now. "I'm not sure I'd be a great distraction on my own."

George shifts slightly. "I'm not sure about that. You've got a fan coming over now."

You try to ignore the hint of irritation in his voice. He's allowed to be irritated - about coming to the party, at least. This really isn't his scene. But if he's mad that someone else asked you to go with them, he's got no right. He's made no effort.

But, he's right about one thing. Quill Kipps is making a bee-line right for you.

"(name)," he says upon reaching you. "Karim. Where are the other two?"

Plastering on a sweet smile, you say, "It's Lucy and Lockwood. They've been making mooney eyes at each other a lot recently. I wouldn't be surprised if they're off dancing somewhere."

"And what about you? I can't imagine that you like just standing on the outskirts of the party."

"You don't know me as well as you think you do, Kipps," you say. "In fact, I have company that is far more preferable than you."

Kipps glances back at George. "Yes, you look like you're both having the times of your lives. Well, I only came over to ask you if you'd perhaps come dance with me. If not, Bobby Vernon has asked me to suggest he be your partner."

"Bobby? Isn't he, like, twelve? And aren't you twenty, or something? Both options sound positively strange."

"It's just a dance."

You look over at George, who's watching the encounter carefully with narrowed eyes. He rubs the lenses of his glasses on his orange tie.

You've made a promise to stick with him at this party, and you don't intend to break it. No matter how disappointed you feel that he didn't even say something like You look pretty when he saw you in your dress, it doesn't entitle you to leave him.

"Sorry, Kipps, to both of those generous offers. Like I said, my company is much more enjoyable."

He takes the rejection better than you thought he would, but soon it's just you and George again.

"You should've gone and danced with him," George says after a while, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Otherwise you've bought that dress for no reason."

You're not sure why that comment makes your skin flush hot with anger, but it does. You bought the dress to feel pretty in, not just for George but for yourself. It wasn't for no reason. Crossing your arms over your chest, you turn away from him. If you look at him any longer, you're worried angry tears will start prickling your eyes.

"Well, then maybe I will go dance with Kipps. You don't seem overly interested in conversation with me, anyways."

"Fine."

Maybe you expected him to put up a little more of a fight. Maybe that's why, once more, you feel your body deflate a little. You don't spare him another look as you trudge through the crowd until you find Kipps.

"Oh, (name), hello again."

"I've rethought your offer," you say. "I'll have that dance if you're not busy."

He's not your preferred partner, but it was starting to get stifling standing with George when you had so much you wanted to say. Kipps at least tells you what's on his mind.

For example, "Karim seems pretty unhappy with your decision to dance with me."

"He doesn't tell me what I can or can't do."

How ironic. He has in fact told you to dance with Kipps, and here you are, obeying like a dog on a lead. You scowl at the thought.

"You look nice," Kipps says. "Red suits you. And your hair looks nice."

"Thank you." It's sad that the only compliment you've gotten beyond Lucy's is from Kipps. Even then, you're not sure how to feel about it. He's old in a teenager's terms.

"If looks could kill, I think I'd be dead."

You turn your gaze, eyes catching George's distant figure, but he's looking at a little book he'd stashed in his suit pocket just before leaving.

Looking away, you try to keep the sadness out of your voice. "Stop messing with me. I'm trying to enjoy this party. I'm standing in the same building as Penelope Fittes. This is a big moment for me."

Even then, it's clear to even Kipps that the enthusiasm just isn't there.

A flash of blue catches the corner of your eye, and you see Lucy waving as discreetly as she can.

"Thanks for the dance," you say, offering him the best smile you can muster.

Kipss grabs your wrist as you make to walk away. "Be careful with Karim, okay? I know our teams don't get on, but that doesn't mean I want to see you get hurt because you want something he can't offer you."

For a moment, you just look at him. Finally, you say, "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

The bone glass is gone. Pamela Joplin is no longer a threat. The ghost of Edmund Bickerstaff is no more. Lockwood's bullet wound has been treated. George and Lucy are safe.

And yet...

Sitting at the kitchen table the following morning, you scribble away at the thinking cloth. After the events of last night - the Fittes Ball, the 'Battle of Kensal Greene' as it's now known - you couldn't sleep, so you've sat here all night, scratching away at all the swirly shapes on the cloth. Really, you should throw it out and replace it, but there are a few funny drawings you've recently drawn that you'd like to preserve a while longer.

The stairs leading down to the kitchen creak, but you don't move. There's only one person it could be.

Lockwood is sleeping off his bullet wound, and Lucy is up in the attic having a nap.

George steps through the door, shutting it softly behind him, but you don't look up at him. Instead, you take an angry bite out of your toast.

"Is that my egg cup you're using?"

"Yup."

Usually, he would've made a little scene out of this because, typically, it's Lockwood that uses his egg cup and the two of them love causing a scene. But he doesn't say anything; he only makes himself a cup of tea and some toast before sitting across from you.

It's silent for a while. You're not sure what to say, so you opt to keep scribbling on the thinking cloth. The most recent doodle you've made is of you and Lucy as stick figures, which is nothing compared to the sketches she's got pinned up in your shared room in the attic.

"So, last night."

You don't bother to look up. "What about it?"

"You dancing with Kipps?" His tone is cautious.

"Me and Kipps?" You scowl at the hidden implication. "He's, what, twenty-something? I'm a teenager. That's gross."

"No, I know, I didn't mean that. I just meant you two dancing together."

"No one else was going to dance with me. Well, other than Bobby Vernon, and he's about half my height."

George is quiet for a moment. "I just..."

The sigh that leaves your lips is exasperated, to say the least. "You just what, George? You're usually very straight to the point, so I'd like to know what said point is."

You know you're being harsh, but all of your emotions feel frayed from not sleeping and the boil-over from yesterday. You're still frustrated about it.

"I didn't like seeing him dance with you."

"Well, you don't really get a say in it, seeing as you didn't speak to me most of the night, and when you did you were telling me to go and dance with him. Seems a little confusing, right?"

"I didn't know how to say what I wanted to," he says, frowning. "Seeing you in your dress... I don't know. I don't know how to say it now."

"Oh, I have an idea: (name), you look pretty. Four words. Four words, George! I get it - you struggle to say things when you get overwhelmed, but I would've appreciated something as simple as that. I didn't need you to dance with me, or to give me a necklace that belonged to someone dear to you, or even wear a tie that matches my dress. I just needed four words. Three if you take out my name!"

"It isn't that easy! My throat closes up around you, and I forget how to speak."

"You're speaking fine right now."

"Yeah, because we're arguing. You're not standing in front of me looking like you've been blessed by some god."

You blink, stunned. "Well, I suppose that's one way to put it."

"I could put it a million different ways in my head, but I just can't say them." He won't look at you. In fact, he's taken his glasses off. "(name), I've never felt like this before, and it's hard to vocalise any of it. Last night I was - well, a lot of it was spent trying to figure out how to word it all without embarrassing myself. Like - like, I enjoy mornings with you before Lucy and Lockwood get up - well, most mornings - and we just talk about anything. You listen to me about things you probably don't care about."

"I do so care about Jonathan Fro-yo's books -"

"Jonathon Arroyo, you mean." There's a little smile on his face. He's fiddling with his fingers. "But that's beside the point. There are a lot of things I like about you or enjoy doing with you, I just don't know how to say it all."

Watching him for a moment, you decide to take a leap. "Would it make it easier if I told you I am hopelessly head over heels for you? Those mooney eyes Lockwood and Lucy are always doing? I'm also a culprit of it, but you're the source."

The glasses are back on, and you have to admire the way his hair flops over his forehead in messy curls when he turns to look at you abruptly. Those entrancing dark eyes of his widen in shock.

"You're telling me you couldn't guess? George Karim, perhaps your research skills aren't quite on par with what you think they are."

He smiles, a little less subdued this time, and your heart soars at the sight. "I'll try my best to talk from now on," he promises. "But it gets hard. All I ask is that you understand that."

"So, am I correct in assuming you like me back? Because if I've just admitted that I'm crazy about you and you don't even feel the same, I'll be mortified."

"I do," he says. "And you did look pretty last night. Beyond pretty."

It's not much, but it's a start, and you're willing to work on it.

#george karim x reader #lockwood and co x reader #lockwood and co fanfiction #lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #george karim #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #x reader #fanfiction #george cubbins #givemea-dam-break

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shelbgrey · 9 months

Text

The day we met(Seeley Booth)

Paring: Seeley Booth x Montenegro!Reader

Summary: during one of the first Therapy session with Lance and Temperance, Seeley opens up and tells the story of how he met the love of his life.

A/n: based off an unfinished greys anatomy thing I wrote way back when. request are open for bones!

MasterList

“what about y/n?” Lance asked, breaking the silence. Temperance looked between the boys confused. Seeley shrugged but couldn't help but smile at the mention of her name.

“what about her?” Seeley asked. Temperance smiled and started to quickly talk with her hands. “Dr. Montenegro is great scientist and one of our closets friends”

Lance shook his head with a small smile, he looked over at Seeley and nodded towrds him. “your always talking about her, maybe just tell me how you guys met... It'll help break the ice I think.”

Seeley took breath a rubbed his hands together. He looked down then back up with a smile. “I first saw her at Royal Diner, she had just gotten the job at the jeffersonian with her sister Angela...”

“-She's a Forensic Entomologist like Hodgins” Temperance butted in, Seeley held his hands and looked at his partner. “you telling the story or am I?”He made sure not to make it sound harsh, he knew y/n was important to Her just like Angela was.

Temperance set back in the couch and crossed her legs. “I'm sorry...continue, I actually don't think I heard the full story”

Seeley nodded and continued with the story. Seeley smiled as he thought about the day he first saw her, it still gives him butterflies. “the day I saw her, we were knee deep in a case... I was tried, stressed, I don't know what I was hoping for... But the moment I saw her...”

he stoped, feeling like he was getting too sappy. He truly didn't care and would talk about you for hours, but it felt weird being this open.

“continue Booth” Lance said.

“that afternoon I was walking to the Diner to meet Bones... Then I saw her” Seeley smiled. “I don't know why- well I do know but... The point is I stopped when he saw her... literally stopped!” Seeley let out a small laugh, Lance smiled softly as his friend continued.

“She hadn't notice me yet due to her nose being stuck in a book... Nothing new” he joked, he loved she had a passion outside of work, even if you 'ignore' him because she's reading.

“when I saw her through that window I couldn't help but see all her perfections, every one of them... I said to myself "oh my God that's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen"”

Temperance laughed lovingly at that.

“I wanted to talk to her so bad, but I'd never went up to a total stranger unless it was for a case... I don't know why I was so nervous”

“but your very good at talking to women...” Temperance said confused. Seeley signaled her to wait. “she wasn't some woman... This is y/n were talking about” Seeley said.

“Anyway... I started pacing back and forth in front of the window trying think of what to say to her, she still hasn't notice me yet...ya know I can still remember the book she was reading”

“what was it?” Lance asked. “The Great Gastby”

Seeley continued with the story after that “So I went in... The bell dinged as I slowly walked in, She had her back to me and hadn't notice me yet” Seeley said “she couldn't see me, but she was right there... Right there!” he chuckled. “I stayed silent as got closer... She was in arms reach and I could tap her shoulder if I wanted too, but then I chickened out and walked pasted her.”

“I walked up to the breakfast counter and just casually admired her while she was reading... I noticed how she would slightly nibble on her bottom lip when she read or she had a different expression for an event in the book.” Seeley slowly started to space out as he thought more about her “I could see all her tattoos... And I'll tell ya tattoos have never looked so beautiful on a women.”

He looked up at Lance and continued to explain every step “so, I quickly ordered a coffee and looked around... I don't why, maybe I was waiting for Angela to pop and tell me to get lost. I don't really know”

“it's okay to say you were nervous” Lance smirked. Seeley rolled his eyes. “Anyway... So I finally decided to talk to her... You only live once right? So I went up to her and said...”

“exuse me” she looked up slowly and smiled.

“oh, hey” her voice was so soft and gentle.. She's so cute when she's shy.

“why would an amazing woman like you even talk to someone like me?”

“I said it so bluntly I think both us was surprise, I don't know who was more shocked... But she just chuckled and her cheeks started to heat up... It was so cute and she says... ”

“why not?” she replied.

“I laugh and looked down. "would you like to set down?" she offered to my releaf, I nodded and sat across from her.

“I'm y/n” she gave him a childish smirk and held our her hand. He placed his hand in hers and smiled. “Seeley Booth”

“nice to meet you... Your Temperance's friend right?” he nodded and smiled at her. “yup”

“I looked down and saw another book… i think it was called Crime Scene Intelligence, or something like that but-”

Temperance interrupted again with enthusiasm. “I've heard of that book and its Crime Scene Intelligence: An Experiment in Forensic Entomology.. Its by Albert Cruz”

Seeley sighed again but at the same time couldn't be mad, even if she was interrupting and correcting him it showed she was interested and cared enough to listen.

“Anyway…this got me thinking, especially when I saw a case file so I asked her”

“Are you in Forensics? Bug girl?” She looked at me and chuckled.

“Now I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did … but she didn’t seem to mind, so then she said…”

“Yeah..me and my brother-in-law are, I actual got a job with him”

“Wait, you got a job at Jeffersonian?” I asked, she shook her head yes

“Back then I couldn’t tell ya how or why I was so happy to hear that” Seely laughed as he laid back on the couch. “So, we talked some more…you know how shy she is when she first meets someone” Lance and Temperance both nodded. y/n was the type of person to be really shy and quiet when she first meets someone but when she gets used to you, she is so open, joyfull, and goofy.

“Well she wasn’t like that with me.. I don't really know why but she seemed so carefree when we had our first conversation”

Lance and temperance were still invested in the story, even temperance couldn’t bring herself to interrupt again. “So we continued talking for about 45 minutes and it felt great But a moment can't last forever. Y/n phone rang, cutting our conversation short. She stood up as, who I’m guessing was Angela telling her to come to the lab. She smiled at me and said…”

“I'm sorry I have to met my sister"

She smiled at him and said “it was nice to meet you Seeley, maybe I'll see you around” she shyly waved him goodbye and headed out the door.

“I remember just kinda sinking in my chair, feeling like I lost my chance, I didn't even get her number.” Seeley stopped then looked at his two friends like there was hope. “But then… looked down and saw her tattered Forensic Entomology book. She left it on the table. I looked out the window and saw she was at a bench packing her backpack up, so I quickly grabbed the book and headed out the door.”

“Then what happened?” Lance asked.

“Well, I went up to her and said…”

“hay” y/n looked up and smiled at the brown eyed agent. He awkwardly cleared his throat and handed her the book. “You left this” she sighed in relief. “oh, thanks” she put it in her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

“I kinda regained some kinda confidence back and I asked her if she wanted to walk with me”

"You mind if I walk you to the lab? Busy city and all', we can pick up my car at the Bureau” he gave her a confident smile this time. She raised an eyebrow. "it's just down the street"

“I started to get nervous the way she looked at me..” Seeley said

"I'm head that way anyway" he argued. She playfully rolled her eyes and sighed.

“And she replied..”

“Why is it so Important? We're strangers.”

“So she let me walk her a couple of blocks, my car was at the Bureau so we picked it up, the drive was kinda silent …it was a good kinda silent, anyway after a while I couldn't take it anymore and i didnt know when i was gonna have another chance like this so i asked for her number”

"Can I have your number?" he asked suddenly. Y/n's eyes widened as she looked over to the driver's side. Both were surprised by the sudden question. She would have never believed a handsome man like himself would ask her out.

“I didn’t get an answer right away and I think rightly so, but it still made me nervous,” Seeley said. “Did she ever give you an answer that day?” Temperance asked.

“I'm getting there,” Seeley said. “So we got to the lab and I asked again, I was serious about it ya know and i think she started to realize that. Later on in our relationship she told me she thought it was a joke…she never had anyone interested in her before. I mean I call bullcrap on that…any guy would be lucky to have her,”

“So about that number?” he asked, she chuckled. “you could be some psycho killer for all I know”

Seeley let out a laugh. “there's always that possibility” he shrugged and gave a goofy smile. “come on y/n live a little”

“After I said that She smiled, I couldn't stop looking at her... She was so beautiful. She looked down at her Converse, she always does that when she’s nervous. Then she asked me…”

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

“cuz you're beautiful” she raised an eyebrow and let out a laugh. “wow” he gave her a questioning look. “what?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes. “You know flattery will get ya no where.” he nodded. “well how about I want to get to know you better”

“She sighed and thought about it for a bit and she said okay” Seeley smiled “then she took a post-it note from her bag and wrote her number and smiley face with its tongue sticking out.” he laughed, Temperance smiled when Seeley pulled out the famous sticky note out of his wallet.

“And the rest is history” Seeley smiled as he handed the post-it-note to Lance.

“She means a lot to you..” Lance smiled, seeley nodded with a smile. “She means everything… I’m gonna ask her to marry me…i just don't know how or when” Seeley said truthfully.

“You'll know when the time's right,” Lance said softly.

After the session Seeley left Lance's office and saw y/n talking with James Aubry and Caroline. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched her laugh and smile with her friends, he felt so lucky to have her.

#Seeley Booth #Seeley Booth x reader #Bones imagines #Seeley Booth imagines #Agent Booth #BONES #Jeffersonian #Lance Sweets #Temperance Brennan #Lance Sweets x Seeley Booth #Bones TV show

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 9 months

Note

With the Random Hobie HCs Post, I'd like to add that he probably advocates heavily for education in general. He absolutely holds little meets for students where they can learn history that they'll never find in the textbooks.

He would absolutely make sure students get the uncensored version of history. He's absolutely a strong believer of "if you don't know history, you're bound to repeat it"

He also makes sure to include the good parts of history as though to say "this is what it could be".

Overall you got my brain smiling at the idea of Hobie being a reader tySM

TEACHER HOBIE I'M SO SOFT

Teacher!Hobie Headcanons

No wonder he's so good with MayDay.

Like imagine, Hobie is strolling along and hear Peter foreloin that MayDay is having trouble with her shapes and colors. And MJ really wants to start her ahead on early pre-k. Get the big Parker brain going and all. And Peter's so frustrated and is he doing this dad thing right and maybe- Then he walks past a room while complaining to Miguel, only to see Hobie and MayDay sitting there with cards, practicing shapes and colors. She's delighted, it's like a game to her, and she's bright eyed and reacting. Hobie doesn't stop to acknowledge Peter and Peter doesn't interrupt, but he's so incredibly happy. He later tries to thank Hobie, but Hobie is like 'My pleasure, mate. Great kid."

He probably gets it from back home in 138, where he's more often 'Hobie'. I could see him in his time off, hanging out with local organizers.

Spider-punk sneaks in and steals books that are set to be burned or destroyed, and Hobie passes the books on to them.

I HC he tells the best stories, so the kids will sit around and hear stories of revolution, and indigenous people fighting for their land. Or about hippies protecting old forests. Or Black Panthers on the steps of the court house (*cough* Di *cough*)

But of course their favorite stories are the ones about Spider-punk. Hobie has told him that Spider-punk is his best friend and 'not to tell anyone'. And they make sure to keep his secret locked tight.

He tells them heroic stories of Spider-punk kicking the cops asses, and the kids all cheer - because it makes them a little less afraid when they see the pigs in the streets.

Some stuff can be hard to explain to them, or tell them - because history isn't always pretty. But they know they can ask questions and Hobie will always be kind. He always has an answer, never an 'I don't know', instead a 'I hope to learn that one day too'.

They really admire him. Sometimes hanging around the organizations and communist groups he'll read by himself, and the kids will see and run and grab their own. Sitting around him for impromptu reading time.

Even the teenagers the pass off to him. Kids like Gwen.

13 - 16 year olds, runaways looking for a better life, kids who lost their parents and are angry, ready to fight for the cause. Or sometimes, kids of cops, disgusted enough to wake up and leave.

Sometimes they're scared or quiet. Hobie always helps them open up, always figures out what they're willing to fight for. And some of them are angry, loud, some don't trust them. But he can get on anyone's good side. He understands the anger, he knows how to direct it.

Soon they just follow him because he leads by example. Everyday he comes in and ten different people are ready to talk to him about the recent developments on the fight for freedom in South America, or a recent anarchist rally over in Ireland.

Hobie loves it, because he loves people and he loves being a teacher.

Even at Society

Pavi probably didn't know much when he joined. He knew Gwen and Hobie very well, and he's been Spider-man 6 months, so he had to have joined maybe 3-4 months into being Spider-man, or even earlier.

He was probably so green, now look at him. How many 'bits of advice-' do you think he gave Pav?

If you're a new recruit with mechanical webshooters, he'll casually ask to see them - compliment their worksmanship, give you some new ideas. Or try to help out in little ways. Sewing kit in his vest for patches and rips in Spidey-suits.

Imagine learning how to Spidey-quip from Hobie!!! And having him be your hype-man during jokes in battle!

Just like he throws Pav in ATSV, Hobie throwing a Spider-person so they can get the last attack in.

Or even just helping around campus. He'll walk people to the food court if they're lost and looking for it. Or stop and talk to people who look like they need help with something.

Pulling others aside and asking if they need someone to practice training with, telling them 'Don't worry, you'll get it'.

I BET HES A MENTOR like Jess or Peter! Having him as a mentor would be so cool. Him lazily checking in on your during missions from his houseboat cause - hey he gets to work from home? cool.

Always defends you to Miguel.

#spiderman #atsv #hobie brown #marvel #spider man #spider punk #spiderpunk #across the spiderverse #hobie brown headcanons

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smolwritingchick · 3 months

Text

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 86- WINGS 8

Chapter Summary: After 3 years, Jennie finally dyes her hair for a BTS comeback and films her WINGS 8 Concept video.

Words: 9,000+

Author's Note: Some smol angst regarding Jimin's diet during the BST era. And mentions of anxiety. I apologize in advance :(

I'm going to create a smol chapter when it's around that time for the love yourself videos. I'd like to put my spin on it, not going too much into the crazy theories. I'm hoping to write more of Jen's story for it. And I wonder if I made it obvious who found Jennie for her WINGS video at the end of the chapter. I'll write about all that when it's around 2017 in the story. Some ideas sparked in my head when those videos were released years ago and I kept them in my old documents. I gotta revisit them and check out everything.

I had thought of this idea for her concept video and decided to just stick with it and have fun with it instead of stressing about making her fit "perfectly" in this comeback. Supernatural type of shiz. And I did some research on using a Damien quote from the book to add to it. I think it fits quite well imo.

I lost count of how many times I changed Jennie's WINGS song. It's getting ridiculous at this point. But for this, I decided to go a different route. Jennie has said that she wants to be a versatile artist, especially as she looked up to Rihanna as an inspiration for that, singing in different genres.

I LOVE PVRIS! One of my favorite groups. I'm not too big on their new music and the direction they're going musically these days but am always vibing to their old stuff. I truly miss their old sound tbh.

I decided to choose a song called I Don't Wanna Do This Anymore from PVRIS' latest album, for Jen's song. I really like the vibe as it would showcase her skills on the launchpad and I love the lyrics. I'll probably switch it up a little bit. I wanted her song for WINGS to be blunt and a bit sad. Like literally she is telling people she does not want to do this anymore. She does not want to perform, she does not want to be famous, she wants out, which was how she felt during the situation of her sister's play and getting mobbed by all those people. So, she'll express those negative feelings in the song. And I thought of her changing the lyrics to be more optimistic as the song goes on. Maybe for the chorus. I even thought of the fan chant ARMY would do. She would sing negatively, and they'd respond positively. For instance, when RM sang "I wish I could love myself." for Reflection and ARMY shouted, "WE LOVE YOU!"

So yeah, I think that's it. I'm rambling but I'm not going to overthink it too much when it comes to her song for this album. I had a vision for her WINGS video and I kind of hope it makes sense. So I'm just going to go with the flow :) Happy reading!!

--------

Jennie made it back to America safely and Facetimed the boys to let them know. She was lying on her bed, feeling the jetlag as the boys expressed how much they were already missing her. After speaking to them, she finally had one on one time with Yoongi.

"And thanks again for the cookies. I tried to make them stretch but it was too good," he said. "Now I have to impatiently wait for you to return to make me some more,"

She giggled at that. "Sounds like a plan. I'm happy the mixtape is being well received,"

"Me too. So many streams on SoundCloud. Thank you again for your help,"

"Always. I knew it would do well,"

Once July 31/August 1 hit, How's This was finally released and Jennie got to watch the two Music Videos as well as the jacket shooting. She and Hyuna looked fun and the visuals were astounding. Now, of course, there were those kinds of fans that would complain that Jennie was acting 'too grown'. She already saw tweets about it with fans babying her and saying that she shouldn't act too sexy. But she chose to ignore it and just enjoy what she and Hyuna created.

She thought about the filming as she watched the jacket shooting video.

-------

Dressed in one of many outfits for the video, Jennie and Hyuna awaited instructions while they stood on the set that resembled a club different from the first music video.

"I'm getting more comfortable with this sexy vibe because of you. Doing this with you, I feel at ease. So, I am so stoked to be here with you today," Jennie told her with a smile.

Hyuna looked relieved. "I'm happy. I was a little nervous asking you if you wanted to do this. I sighed out of relief when I got confirmation that this collab was a go,"

When they saw that Cube wanted to film a documentary on this music video, they waved at the camera.

"Today Jennie is with me to film! I am so happy that she is a part of this fun song," Hyuna said, clapping her hands.

"Hi~!" Jennie hugged her from behind, waving to the camera. "We are ready to shoot~!"

"This is going to be fun! Stay tuned!"

Jennie let go of her and cheered, "Fighting!"

"Fighting!" she high fived her.

Jennie was filmed first and they started with shots of her being sexy and having fun inside the club while lip-syncing the song. Walking through the club, she met up with Hyuna who danced along with her. For How's This with the version with Jennie in it, the choreography was different and looked more fluid instead of all the body shaking. In Jen's opinion, this choreography fit better for the song after working on new moves with Hyuna. They performed the choreography in the crowd and then did some twerking shots.

As the crew prepared for the next take, the camera showed Jen and Hyuna talking again.

"How was the first music video shoot?" Jennie asked.

"It was fun! It went well. I kissed one of the guys on camera," Hyuna felt flustered about the mature kiss.

"OOP!" Jen covered her mouth, making her giggle and hold onto her. She turned to the camera and repeated herself, "OOP!"

For another shot, after an outfit change, Hyuna and Jennie danced together behind a background. It reminded them of a honeycomb as they lip-synced.

Before Jen knew it, she was in the area she wanted to film at the most. The DJ booth.

"My happy place. Look at it. I am in love," she pointed over to the DJ booth. "Errbody throw yo hands up, we getting' hot, hot, hot, hotter!" she sang her verse from fire cutely before giggling.

When filming commenced, she approached the DJ and asked if she could take over. Winking at him, she placed the headset on and began mixing for the party while dancing around. The party got more lively once she began to DJ while Hyuna joined her as they lip-synced the chorus.

eottae igeon eottae

eottae chumchuja

Up dwae igeon Up dwae

Up dwae chumchuja

Jen was filmed all over the place for her shots. Hyuna had a lot of shots already from the previous music video and Cube just needed more Jen and then her together with Hyuna. Shots consisted of her lying across a table while lip-syncing, dancing on the table, then filmed against the wall as she flipped her hair and swayed her hips around.

"Is this too much?" Jen giggled as she watched her shots with Hyuna.

'As if looks could kill. Her piercing gaze against the screen flusters Jennie'

"Oh no, I bit my lip," she laughed. "I didn't even notice. Pure instinct. We look good, though,"

The last shot consisted of a dance battle. Jennie had a group of black dancers with her against Hyuna and her dancers.

----------

Jennie smiled at the memory and was excited to perform it live near award season. After watching the videos, she scrolled through Twitter and saw what was going on. BlackPink had recently debuted and she loved their debut music videos. Although she was still hurt about 2NE1, she loved seeing new groups debut.

But because one of the BlackPink members was also named Jennie, it started some fan wars, which made no sense at all.

'Netizens compare BTS' Jennie to BlackPink's Jennie. Who is better?' read the latest controversial ALLKPOP article.

It didn't sit right with BlackPink and BTS fans as the comment section was filled with mixed reactions. It was drama waiting to explode.

'So we have a Black Jennie and a Korean Jennie'

'There can only be ONE Jennie and I choose BTS' Jennie'

'BP's Jennie is what BTS' Jennie wishes she was'

'Ugh STOP already'

'I think BTS' Jennie is better.'

'BP's Jennie has more charisma. BTS' Jennie still hasn't shown what she is all about. Her part in fire was cute but I wish she did more. I kinda gave up on her as my bias and moved on to Jimin'

'LOL I bet BTS' Jennie is threatened by BP's Jennie'

'BlackPink's Jennie showed more effort and energy in her debut than BTS' Jennie. Just stating facts. I'd take BlackPink's debut over BTS' any day'

'Jennie and Jennie. I love it. I hope they meet'

'Are you serious?!'

'Ew wtf is this article?'

'BlackPink's Jennie is still a rookie. She has a long way to go before getting up to BTS' Jennie's level'

'Can you not? This is disrespectful to both girls. They both are doing great'

'I'm tired of people comparing groups. Just love and support both'

'I hope they become friends'

'Eh...BP's Jennie is better and prettier. She wears better outfits too. BTS' Jennie has been looking rough for a while. She gained a few pounds too. I miss her debut look'

'Who cares? They both flop'

'BlackPink's Jennie ain't even all that.'

'The difference is BlackPink's Jennie knows how to rap. BTS' Jennie's little Full Moon cover wasn't that great. She annoying af'

'BTS' Jennie just doesn't have that IT factor like BP's Jennie does.'

'I like Blackpink's Jennie more'

''Stop pitting women against women. It's disgusting'

'Delete this article. They're both great'

Jennie frowned and rolled her eyes at the name of the article and scrolled past to look at something more positive. It seemed like they were trying to get her to reply and react but she refused. First, they did this with Alex Reid, and now BlackPink's Jennie. It needed to stop. She was not going to be the "mean girl" that the media wanted her to be and make people think that she hated or was jealous of other female idols like Alex and Jennie Kim.

The last thing she was going to do was let the media try to make her think negatively about someone whom she hadn't met. She refused to be sucked into this jealous and petty scenario with BlackPink's Jennie. She was excited about what BlackPink would be doing and wished the best for them.

Suddenly she received a notification from V-Live about Hobi going live and began to watch it.

"Oh, that's right. Bangtan is in Japan for their concerts," she murmured.

"We had our concert, tonight. It didn't feel the same without Munchkin with us. Jennie, if you are watching, I hope you are doing well," Hobi said on camera in his hotel room.

"Doing good, missing you guys," she sighed.

But then something weird happened on the live. The comments started bringing up other members. Fans then began to ask for Jungkook, V, Jimin, and Yoongi.

"No, they didn't..." Jennie looked on in disbelief at the comments.

All Hobi wanted was to spend time with Armies and now this happened. It made her upset and then she watched as he went to Jimin's room and then left abruptly after a few minutes. Jimin was also stunned because it was Hobi's phone on the live so what in the world?

Unable to keep her thoughts to herself, she went to Twitter to tweet about it.

'Are you KIDDING me? Did you REALLY just ask for other members while J-Hope was trying to talk to you? #Jen'

'No, like really the amount of disrespect is completely unacceptable. The hell is wrong with some of y'all? #Jen'

'You got me ALL the way f'ed up! Don't ever do that to Hobi #Jen'

'We take time out of our day to talk to you one on one but you ask for the others? You need to consider our feelings and how bad it makes us feel. #Jen'

Her tweets blew up and spread like wildfire as fans were commenting sorry and tweeted sad emojis. A lot agreed with her tweets while some others began to complain that she was overreacting.

'I know right!? Like how dare them?!'

'Ennie, we're sorry'

'These fans are so disrespectful. Please don't think all ARMY are like this.'

'I am so bothered by them doing that crap.'

'omg shut up,'

'You must be one of them asking for other members if you're telling her to shut up. YOU shut up! Jennie is speaking facts!'

'What are you so extra for? Calm down,'

'Here she goes always sticking her nose in everyone's business. All the way in America. Just stay in America and go away,'

'I cannot believe they did that. Ugh'

'GO OFF SIS! This infuriates me! Hobi don't deserve this'

'I'm so sad...'

'We don't deserve him'

'I cannot believe this. And they call themselves an Army?'

'Yeah...my heart is broken'

'IM SOOOOO MAD!'

'The sweetest sunshine ever and gets treated like this. I want to cry'

Jen then tweeted one final tweet before going on a social media break.

'ARMY, don't apologize to me. Apologize to Hobi...#Jen'

Later that evening after Jimin ended the live that was supposed to be him and Hobi, she facetimed him after he got his phone back.

"Hey, Jennie," J-Hope greeted with a fake smile but she saw right through it.

"Nah uh. Don't do that. Screw them for making you feel like that,"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," he shook his head. "They just want to see the other members,"

"No. I will worry about it. You're upset and bummed out. I understand. I wish I was there to take you out and treat you to food or something. That was so rude of them and they are so ungrateful. Those aren't real fans. Don't let them get to you, okay? You have real fans who love and appreciate you. Love and respect you. Love and support you," she went on as he listened.

"Hobi, they can call me annoying or whatever for my tweets, I don't care. What just happened was wrong and unfair," she declared. "And if you don't want to be vocal about it, then I will because I refuse to sit here and let people do this to you. You don't deserve that. You should get just as much love and affection as the rest of us. I love and cherish you. Always. Don't ever forget that. I'm going to always have your back,"

Hobi broke out into a huge smile at her words and began to feel better. "Thank you, Jennie. I appreciate you cheering me up,"

--------

While being home, Jen spent the majority of her time in her room which was also her mini studio. Although she wasn't physically there with the group to work on their upcoming album, she still did her part and sent in her vocals and instrumentals.

For the WINGS album, she was going to be more involved in the music. For now, everyone is focused on their solo songs. She was first involved in working on Jungkook's song, Begin. Since she had been home, Jungkook had sent her his vocals and asked if he sounded OK. Every time was better than the last which boosted his confidence as he recorded. Jennie's role in his song was to play the guitar.

With her headphones on her ears, she played the guitar smoothly under his angelic vocals. Begin was about his journey to Seoul and meeting Bangtan. It was beautiful. The lyrics did not mention her but talked more about the rest of the boys. His brothers. Jungkook kept apologizing to her about it and said he had something planned for her in the future. She was not bothered by it at all and understood. If anything, her curiosity towards what he had planned for her rose as she thought about what he was going to do.

After sending the music back to Big Hit, she got confirmation that it was great and continued working on the rest of her assigned songs. Next up was Jimin's song called Lie. She worked on the background vocals and guitar for his song. Out of every solo song by the guys, this one was her favorite and she was so proud of him for his efforts. She couldn't help but smile as she listened to the demo track after putting her recorded guitar chords in it.

Closing her eyes, she began to focus on the emotion of the song and pondered on her background vocals. This song was about lying and the conflict due to lies and temptation. So, she wanted to try to have some emotion and desperation in her vocals to fit the tone. She recorded her light breathy 'yeahs' in the beginning and sang 'Naega malhae' under his voice.

Be smooth like a like a snake

beoseonago sipeunde

Hearing an opening instrumental part after his voice, she hummed but shook her head, stopping the song.

"Nah...maybe it should be better. Humming is too common. I should do something different," she pondered, taking off her headphones.

She spent the next hour working on what would fit during that part. Her notebook with crossed out words and random lyrics was all over her papers as she worked on thinking what would work for his song. She wanted something to pop and to be memorable.

"Ah...woo...woo." she wrote down.

She began to sing it out several times in diverse ways until she found a tone that fit with the song.

"I should make it a little haunting when I edit it. A tad bit of autotune or something..."

Putting her headphones back on, she stood by her microphone and pressed record as it played Jimin's song. The first opening notes were clear enough to give listeners one hell of an eargasm. The producers that put the violin and other string instruments were geniuses.

"Yeah," she said in a high, breathy tone while looking at her notebook in her hands.

As soon as Jimin's voice filled her ears, she sang softly under his vocals, "Naege malhae..."

Neoui dalkomhan misoro naege

"Naege malhae..."

soksagideut nae gwitgae malhae

"Yeah. Don't be like a prey, be smooth like a like a snake,"

beoseonago sipeunde

Finding that inner strength in her voice, she belted out, "Ah woo woo~"

naegeseo tteona tteona tteonajwo

naegeseo tteona tteonajwo

"Ah woo woo~"

mworado nareul nareul guhaejwo

nareul guhaejwo

This song was such a bop as she swayed around to the song, focused.

gyesokdwae domangchyeobwado

geojit soge ppajyeoisseo

Caught in a lie!

"I'm drowning, I'm losing myself. I can't disobey, I can't break away..." she sang emotionally under his vocals.

nae useumeul dollyeonwajwo

Caught in a lie!

"This torment gets worse every day."

i gotongeseo heeonal su eobseo

beolbanneun nareul guhaejwo

After recording everything multiple times, she went on to edit and made sure her vocals fit nicely under his. Things were coming together as that bright smile appeared on her face. She was so satisfied with this. She hoped he and the producers like it when they did their final touches.

Her phone buzzed and she sat back in her seat to read a text from Jimin.

Jimin: Ennie, I know you're awake! Don't stress over it too much. Get some sleep, okay? We can work on the song tomorrow.

Jen: Facetime me. I just sent you what I created :D

It didn't take long for them to be on Facetime together as Jimin was thrilled to see her face.

"Ennie! What time is it over there?"

"Late but it's okay," she said and yawned.

"You should really go to bed. You look so sleepy," he looked concerned for her when he noticed her tired eyes.

"I know, I know. I will."

"I miss you," he pouted.

"And I miss you, too. Don't worry, I'll be back in Korea before you know it,"

"Well, I hope it's soon! It's not the same without you here," the 95 Liner shook his head. "The guys...I...we're kind of all over the place without our Bangtan Girl to keep us in order. We're a bit of a mess. It's weird without you. We just want you to come home,"

His words made her heart leap as she felt emotional, yet again. But then the word 'home' struck her. She was already 'home' in America. But the fact that he said 'home' as in living with them in Korea made tears appear in her eyes.

"Jimin..." she smiled sadly. "It won't be much longer, I hope. Being away from you and everyone else in Korea is a struggle. As soon as I come back, I will nap this jetlag off and we can all go out to eat,"

"I would like that very much, Ennie. So, you wanted me to call you?"

"Yes. Check the email. I sent my work for your song. I hope it sounds okay."

"Wait, you finished it?! All of it? Your background vocals and all?"

"Yeah! I just gotta finish up Stigma and the others,"

"You worked on it so quickly."

"Well, you are a priority," she smiled softly, earning an adorable eye smile from him.

Him a priority? That made his heart leap.

"I played around with it and I like how it sounds. Play it. If you like it, I will send it to the producers to see if they give it the OK. And if you want me to change something, let me know."

Opening up the file, Jimin played it for both of them. The look in his eyes when he heard her guitar was priceless.

"Oh-my-God," he blurted out in English, causing her to laugh. "They have to accept this! This is-this is so good! Thank you for doing this for me. I hope this version makes it on the album after they do their final touches. And if they reject it, let us release it on SoundCloud. Army should hear this,"

"Sounds like a plan,"

After shutting down her computer and ending her call, Jen sat on her bed and tuned in to Jin's Eat Jin V-Live on her laptop. There he was with Jungkook and Jimin rambling about various things. And they had her cracking up with their bickering when they playfully fought over snacks.

But once fans brought up Jennie in the comments, her heart ached as she realized how much she missed the guys. Especially Jungkook. She missed his hugs. How he would hold her firmly and gaze down at her with that adorable smile of his. This visa needed to hurry up and go through. She wanted to wrap her arms around her man again.

"How is Jennie?" Jin read the comment. "My sweetie is doing fine. She has been working very hard. Please look forward to her return. Jennie, you are missed dearly,"

She let out a chuckle, "I miss you, too..."

"I miss your baking, too," he added, making her laugh at the screen. "Bake for me when you come back. Just don't tell the others,"

"We're sitting right here, Hyung!" Jimin called out. "Bake for me, not him!"

"Hush!" Jin playfully smacked him while Jungkook laughed. Turning back to the camera like he knew she was watching, he continued. "The dorm doesn't smell that great without your bath and body works items. You know, the ones you always buy for us. Please return soon and get the visa straightened out. I look at your picture in my wallet every day," he showed Armies the photo of him and her back in 2015.

"He still has that picture?" Jen murmured as she smiled.

"Jungkookie misses her the most," Jimin teased, making the Golden Maknae blush and look down shyly.

"Of course, she's my best friend. I bet she misses me more than you two," Jungkook added.

"Lies! I am Jennie's favorite," Jin stated.

Laughing, Jennie went on to text Jungkook.

Jen: Awwww this live is too cute. I miss you guys, more. I'll be back soon. P.S: I miss you the most, Kookie. I love you. Can't wait to hug and kiss you again

Ding!

The sound of bells was heard as Jungkook looked down at his phone. He read her text with a big smile and looked up at the camera like he felt her looking back at him. It made her heart flip and her face warm up with the way he stared at the camera. Meanwhile, Armies were gushing over the loving gaze Jungkook was showing out of nowhere.

'Why tf is he staring so hard like that?! He looks so hot!'

'Omg Jungkook is showing so much boyfriend material right now.'

'That stare! He's making me blush!'

'Jungkook a warning would have been nice!'

"Who was that?" Jin asked.

"Jennie. She's watching the live," Jungkook smiled brightly.

"She texted YOU and not me!?" he complained.

"Hey, that ringtone sounded familiar. Like a bell. Why a bell?" Jimin teased.

"No reason, Hyung. I thought it sounded nice," Jungkook shrugged.

------

The next day, Jennie started to work on her solo song. Bangtan's solos were supposed to go by age. The plan was for her song to be the first but Big Hit switched it and made her song last. The boys had begun filming for their WINGS films while she hadn't yet. A lot of big things will be happening for this comeback. One of them was her hair was finally going to get dyed. She was nervous because everyone had anticipated her having a new hair color since debut and she wanted it to be worth the wait.

With her solo song, she thought the lyrics and instrumentals were fine. But every time she sent it to the producers, they told her something was missing and it frustrated her. How come everyone else's song was fine but her song was getting the most criticism? Her song was different. Experimental even. This wasn't a sound that is usually in BTS. She'd showcase her DJ skills on the launch pad and guitar.

"Do you feel like singing today?" Pdogg asked as she sat on a video call with him and Slow Rabbit.

Jennie furrowed her eyebrows. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because to me, it seems like you don't feel like singing,"

She sighed sharply, trying to not let her annoyance get to her. "I'm doing the best I can,"

"It's missing something, Jennie. It's almost there but something is missing," Slow Rabbit added.

"Look, this is the best I can do," she exclaimed.

"No, it isn't," he shook his head. "I know you can do better to make this song even more enhanced. Shout it out. Scream it,"

"I'm trying to shout it,"

"Well, you aren't shouting it," Pdogg said. "You need to dig down deep and sing out what you're feeling for this song,"

"Here, take a break from working on your song, today. Work on the guitar for 2! 3! and Lost. Send it when you're finished," Slow Rabbit said.

"Fine," she nodded and ended the call.

She sighed loudly out of annoyance and ran her hair back with her hands.

"Fuck my life..." she complained.

She didn't want to work on anything at this point, she was so bothered by what they told her. After a moment of getting herself together, she did what she was told, playing the guitar for Lost and 2! 3!

After she sent it in, she was praised for her efforts and had the rest of the day off from working on music. But her song continued to be on her mind. How much better can she do for this song? What else did they want? What was missing? She did want to sing. She sang as passionately as she could.

"What do you want me to do...?" she complained softly.

She went back to the document for her song and stripped all her vocals to start over. She listened to the instrumental of her song and sighed, understanding what she had to do.

'You want me to go back to that dark place...' she thought.

She didn't want to. She didn't want to think about it. She even had second thoughts about picking this song for this album but it was way too late to change now. This song was to express how she felt the day she got mobbed during her sister's play. Sure, it happened last year but that anxiety she felt and the whole experience still traumatized her. All those hate comments, the pressure, the high expectations, and the growing fame, began to overwhelm her as she realized that she was not a normal teenager anymore.

She'd always appear to have a smile on her face but deep down she was scared and in the back of her mind would always wonder when this would all come crashing down.

That dreaded day of Vienna's play made Jen want to stop performing entirely and just go back home and deal with school, no longer being in the spotlight. To try to grasp what normality she had left. But after the support from everyone after that incident, she wanted to try to face all that negativity and destroy it with positive thoughts once and for all. This would be a start to that. To sing about it and twist it to optimism.

As she sat by her desk, she put her headphones on.

"Okay...let's go back to that nightmare..."

---------

After crying, belting out high notes, and singing out her pain, she made the producers happy with her new and improved vocals and took a break from singing to dance.

Jen continued practicing the choreography for Blood, Sweat, and Tears, which will be BTS' comeback song in October. She was in the living room, performing a demo version of the song while Vienna and Alani were on their phones chilling nearby. Mr. Son and J-Hope sent her videos of where she will be and her choreography for the comeback.

It was...very sexy. This seemed like it was going to be a sexy comeback.

As she worked on perfecting her movements, she sent them recordings of her craft to get feedback.

After dancing for a few hours, she took a break and watched Family Guy with her sisters on the couch.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

A video from Jimin? What was he up to now? Since she left, the boys had sent her funny videos and photos. This was probably one of them.

"Ooo another video? Let's watch it! They crack me up!" Alani said.

"Yeah, why not?" Jennie pressed play while her sisters joined her in to watch.

The video showed Jimin, V, and Jungkook goofing around and practicing BST in the practice room.

"Jungkook! Imagine the floor is Jennie!" Jimin called out.

Out of nowhere, Jungkook did his signature handstand for the song, slowly lowering himself on the floor to grind against it.

"Jennie..." he said in a low voice, smirking at the camera.

"AHHHHHHH~!" her sisters screamed around her while Jen dropped her phone and shrieked.

"He did NOT just do that!" Alani shouted.

"And said your name like that! Are you two-"

"No!" Jen exclaimed, cutting Vienna off with her face flushed.

"You sure!?"

"Yes!"

"I dunno man, that sounded like that's not the first time he said your name like that~!" Alani added.

"Oh my God! Stop!" Jennie covered her face.

Vienna grabbed the phone and replayed it so they could watch the entire video. Her sisters continued to freak out around her from his floor grind.

Jennie was NOT expecting a video like this. She thought it would be meme faces. Not him grinding against the floor.

'Wow, I wish I was under him...' she thought before shaking the dirty thoughts away.

My gosh, what was he doing to her? Everything he was doing made her squirm.

After he finished grinding on the floor, Jin was heard yelling to stay professional while Jimin and V laughed.

Her sisters kept replaying the video, expressing how surprised they were.

"Is this really your boyfriend? Because whew, the duality...girl..." Vienna fanned herself.

"I'm a little nervous about how he can turn into such a cute boy to something like this," Alani added.

"Right? He is so adorable and then he ends up popping out like this. No wonder so many girls swoon over him. Jen, watch out for all them female idols after your man," she teased.

"You know, you were staring kind of hard at the screen," Alani called Jennie out.

"I was not!" Jennie exclaimed as she grabbed her phone.

"She's so flustered," Vienna laughed with Alani.

Alani snatched the phone from her hands and ran to their mom who walked out of the kitchen to see what the ruckus was about.

"Mom! Get a load of this!" Alani laughed.

"Stop it! Give it! Mom, it's not what it looks like! Get off me, V!" Jen shouted as Vienna held her down while Alani showed the video.

"Um...what is he doing to my youngest?" their mom asked, wondering what the heck was happening.

"Nothing! Nothing at all! He was just messing around!" Jen said and got let go.

"You think he was? He looked pretty serious," Vienna teased.

He was just joking...right?

Or perhaps he wasn't. Because her head began to go crazy with the way he said her name so low like that. It'll be something that wouldn't be out of her mind for a while as she plotted a way to get him back for making her so flustered in front of her family.

---------

With Jimin and V, they waited for her to reply. Curious as to why she had not responded yet, they looked back at the message and saw that she had read it. The two burst out into laughter.

"Jungkook, I think you killed your girlfriend," Jimin giggled.

"I did?" he asked, surprised. "What happened?"

"She hasn't responded to the video and left us on read this entire time," V laughed.

"I-I didn't make her uncomfortable, did I?" Jungkook asked with worry.

"Nah, don't worry, it's the other way around, Jungkookie! Hehe, you'll see. Just give her a moment to pull herself together. I'm sure she's quite flustered as we speak because of you," Jimin smiled confidently.

-------

Back with Jennie, she continued to pull herself together. This man may just be the death of her. She then thought about the time she and Jungkook performed the coming of age ceremony in the practice room and recorded themselves. Man, those lyrics...

Jen: Jimin wtf!?

Jen: Wtf is he grinding on the floor so hard for!?

Jimin: kekekeke it took you a while to reply. You liked it, didn't you!?

Yes. Yes, she did.

Very much actually. To the point, she wanted to be the floor.

Jen: Okay yes but he needs to calm tf down! He can't be doing stuff like that when I'm not there! I'm suffering here!

Jen: omfg wait don't tell him I said that!

Jimin: Tell Jungkook. Okay. Got it

Jen: Jimin! NO!

"She liked it," Jimin laughed and showed Jungkook the messages.

Jungkook laughed, feeling his cheeks warm up. A large part of him felt relieved that she liked it.

Maybe they could make it a reality soon.

---------

As the days went by she continued to finish up working on the choreography, and went to Facetime with Jimin. Things were beginning to appear...off about him. And the sad part about it was that she knew.

She knew all too well what was going on.

She didn't want to believe it. She thought that her mind was playing tricks on her but his face was slimming down at a rapid rate and it began to worry her.

"Jimin?" she called out his name softly after he stopped laughing at his story about pranking Hobi.

"Yes, Ennie?"

"Did you eat today?"

Jimin's stomach dropped at her question. Of all days she had to be so observant. He would only eat once a day and tried not to eat a lot to lose as much weight as possible for their next comeback. It was an intense choice and he had already been feeling the side effects such as dizziness and fainting as he tried to work hard on his dancing.

"Yeah, why?" he lied, feeling his heart ache.

He hated lying to her. He knew she would do anything to get him to stop if she had known what he was doing in Korea.

Jennie narrowed her eyes slightly, watching his body language.

'You're lying to me...' she thought sadly.

"I dunno, to me you just look a little smaller in the face," she admitted.

"I'm eating, don't you worry, Ennie," he flashed her an eye smile

"I really hope you are..." she murmured. "Just take care of yourself, please. Promise me that?"

"...I promise."

"Okay...I have to go. I'll talk to you later,"

"A-all right. Bye Ennie,"

"Bye, Chim Chim," she ended the call and exhaled.

"I truly hope you're okay..." she murmured, fearing for the worst.

After her conversation with him, she scrolled on Twitter to check out what Armies had been saying about her while she was away. She was pleased to see how much she was missed.

'I'm so upset Jennie isn't in the ISAC this time because of her visa.'

That made her realize that today was the day everyone would be filming for ISAC. She was bummed she couldn't play volleyball this year. Instead, she would be cheering Bangtan on miles away whenever they sent her videos and photos.

'Whatever team she was supposed to be in volleyball would have won'

'ISAC probably made sure to schedule it when she couldn't attend since they know the other girl idols can't beat her in volleyball. Their loss'

'ISAC knows damn well Jennie will beat every single female idol in volleyball. They just don't want her to shine. They did that for The Boss Is Watching. We didn't forget!'

Snickering at the comment and agreeing, Jennie went on and liked it on BTS' Twitter which quickly got a reaction from fans.

'OMG I KNOW SHE WAS THE ONE THAT LIKED IT!'

'She liked!!'

'Who else would like it from their page? Jennie knows what's up!'

'Ooooo she's watching us'

'Lmaooooo she knows!'

'She soooo petty. The shade!'

'This confirms it!'

-----------

With Jungkook, after filming for the show, he went to visit Namjoon in his studio. He had a lot on his mind regarding his relationship with Jennie. And he felt like Namjoon was the best person to talk to.

"Hyung," Jungkook spoke up.

"Jungkook," he greeted with a smile and gestured for him to come in. "What brings you here?"

"I uh...can I talk to you? I figured you were the best one to talk to about something like this,"

"Yeah, of course. Shut the door and take a seat,"

As soon as Jungkook plopped down on the seat next to him, he sighed. "It's about Jennie,"

"Is everything all right between you two? I know you've been feeling down because of the distance,"

"I'm fine. And yeah, things are great. It's just that...well she...she's just...on my mind a lot lately and I can't stop thinking about her in that way."

Namjoon immediately knew what he meant and nodded.

So, it was about that time, huh?

He had a feeling this was going to be happening sooner or later with how touchy he's been with her, lately. And with that floor grinding video, it didn't just look like a simple video to mess with her.

"I had a feeling this was going to happen sooner or later. Have you told her any of this?"

"No, I...I want to but part of me chickens out,"

"You two talk about everything. Why do you think this conversation will be different?"

"I just don't want to turn her off or scare her away, I guess. Or make things awkward if she's not ready like I am,"

"Communication is key and Nini is extremely understanding. You're overthinking it. She loves you and is not going to be scared away that easily. When you feel ready, speak to her about this. And make sure you two are alone for this conversation. Not when the boys are around and acting loud,"

--------

After spinning around in her seat, Jennie played what she had worked on for Taehyung's solo song, Stigma. She helped with the background vocals with jazzy oohs and ahs. She smiled at how his voice sounded. His high note was astonishing to hear and she couldn't wait to hear it live when they go on tour.

For Suga's solo, First Love, she played the guitar for it and noticed the hidden melody of So Far Away which had gotten her emotional.

"Take a break!" a loud voice startled her. Jennie turned her head to see Alani by her door, arms crossed. "You've been on that thing all day. A break won't hurt. The album ain't going nowhere. And you finished everything so just chill for once,"

"Nooooo, I feel like there is still work to be done," Jen complained.

Alani simply rolled her eyes and left.

"Well, that was easy to get her to leave me alone," she murmured.

While she continued working, she suddenly heard music blasting which happened to be Rihanna's Pon De Replay. Before she knew it, Vienna and Alani came in with a large speaker, dancing.

Come, Mr. DJ, song pon de replay

Come, Mr. DJ, won't you turn the music up?

"Oh my God..." Jennie covered her face with her hands, laughing softly. "Really?"

"Come on~! Living room, let's go!" Alani said over the music, holding the speaker.

"Rihanna dance party! Take a break! No more album work, today!" Vienna grabbed Jennie and dragged her downstairs with them.

After Alani set the speaker on the floor, she continued to dance around Jennie with Vienna.

"No more thinking about work today. Loosen up and dance with us. It's Rihanna! Come on~!" Alani exclaimed, earning a sigh from her youngest sister. "If you ready to move say,'"

"Yeah, yeah!" Jen sang with a smile.

"One time for your mind say it,"

"Yeah, yeah!" her smile got wider and she joined in to dance with them. "Well, I'm ready for ya, come let me show ya. You want to groove, I'ma show you how to move. Come, come,"

"There you go~!" Vienna cheered.

It was good to take a break and Jen was thankful for her sisters. She did feel overwhelmed with this album dropping in October. There were high expectations and she wanted to make sure she did everything she could to make the songs great with the small role she was given.

Where Have You Been came on as Vienna tried to remember the choreography.

Where have you been?

'Cause I never see you out

Are you hiding from me, yeah?

Somewhere in the crowd

"I learned it in a dance class a while back. Hold on," Vienna began to think as she stood in the middle of her sisters.

Once the beat dropped, she executed the dance break with no errors while her sisters followed her.

"Oh~! I remember! From the music video!" Alani added.

"When Rihanna and the dancers did that pose that looked like an eye? Top tier!" Jen praised.

"Yeah, that was the coolest thing," Vienna beamed.

As songs like What's My Name, Hard, and Umbrella came on, the trio sang their hearts out while bouncing around the living room and on the couch. Once Breakin' Dishes blasted on the speaker, they became excited since it was one of their favorite Rihanna songs.

"I was waiting for this one!" Vienna yelled happily.

"Are we singing it like we usually do?" Jennie asked with anticipation.

"Let's switch it up!" Alani suggested.

"All right, I'll go," Vienna offered.

He been gone since 3:30

"3:30!" Jen shouted.

Been coming home lately at 3:30

"3:30!"

As the chorus came on, the trio danced around, pretending to be angry while shouting out the lyrics.

I'm breakin' dishes up in here, all night

I ain't gon' stop until I see police lights

"I'm still waiting, come through the door. I'm killing time, you know, bleaching your clothes!" Jennie sang the second verse like she was tired of a man's BS. "I'm roasting marshmallows on the fire. And what I'm burning is your attire. I'm getting restless,"

"Uh!" Alani shouted.

"I'm getting tested!"

"Let him know!"

"And I can't believe he's always out every night and never checks in!"

"He cheating?"

"Is he cheating? Man, I don't know. I'm looking 'round for something else to throw!" Jennie grabbed a pillow and threw it.

After spending the next hour partying to Rihanna's songs, Jennie went to plug in her music and pressed shuffle. Fall Out Boy's Irresistible came on which made her smile.

"Hey, didn't you make a cover of this song recently?" Vienna asked.

"Uh huh!" she beamed, thinking about the series of covers she had done and posted on BTS' SoundCloud for ARMY.

"Did Fall Out Boy notice you, yet?"

"Yeah! I met them! They're so cool! I hope we can collaborate, soon!"

---------

With Matt Rife, he continued to search on social media about Jennie, getting to understand who she was and what she did. He even checked out some fan accounts about her and thought she was even cuter than he anticipated. What surprised him the most was that she was taking self-defense classes. Her teacher had posted a recent video of her throwing him over her hip for a quick takedown after grappling him. Matt was astonished by how strong she was.

What a beauty.

He scrolled through the comments as fans geeked out that she was doing fine in America and raved about how strong she was.

'Omg she really did that!'

'I feel bad for the members if they try to mess with her now, lol'

'RIP Jin! She's preparing for their wrestling match!'

'Can she throw me like that on the ground?'

'If she throws me like that, I would say thank you'

'She can punch me in the face anytime!'

'MOM!'

'Wow, she's so strong'

'I love that she's taking self-defense classes. I want to take them now.'

Soon after, he couldn't help himself and wrote a comment too.

'@JJennie_JW you can throw me like that anytime ;)'

And of course, he was told by Armies to back off.

---------

For a while, ARMY began to notice a shift in Jungkook's demeanor. He did not seem as happy as he usually was and his jokes weren't common like they used to be. Sure he'd smile and laugh whenever he was with the members but the truth was that this distance between him and Jennie was difficult to adjust to. It did make him ponder about this being a preview for when he goes off to the military.

Twitter noticed his attitude change and made threads about him being unhappy. Along with that, people were asking about Jennie and her future with BTS because it seemed like she wasn't doing anything or being involved anymore.

'Okay WHERE is Jennie? Thread'

'Guys Jennie has not been active with BTS in a while. She has not been with them for their recent concerts or V-Lives and I am worried something bad happened'

The thread went on to come up with various theories on the matter while armies were quick to put in their two cents.

'I hope she isn't leaving BTS.'

'Yeah, where tf is she? And she hasn't posted anything in a while! That's unusual! BTS stay posting but there is nothing about her these days'

'They talk about her on vlive so that's a good sign things are fine, right?'

'You think she fought with a member or something?'

'Come to think of it, maybe that's why Jungkook has been looking off these days. They may have fought and aren't on speaking terms'

'Like you see the body language of Jungkook lately? They had a bad argument and aren't friends anymore'

'What? What kind of mess is that? That's a dumb theory'

'You guys are dumb. It's her VISA'

'A visa doesn't take that long to go through. She should be back by now'

'Come to think of it, yeah, you may be right. I'm sure things are finished by now and she could come back to Korea'

'I think her visa is taking longer than usual and that's why. Relax,'

'Maybe Big Hit is just letting her spend more time with her family like the perfect company they are!'

'Nah, Big Hit is sabotaging her. She should be back with Bangtan'

'No, they're probably letting her spend more time in America before coming back. They're a great company and allowing her to spend time with her family. Calm down'

'No, they're not a great company! They are ruining her! She needs to get out of there. I hate seeing her inactive'

'All y'all need to just trust that things with Jennie are going to be fine. Stop making everyone anxious about this. Jennie is still with BTS'

Since Jennie still couldn't go back to Korea yet, the staff decided to fly to America to film her Wings 8 video. They rented a big space to make sure they had all they needed for the short film. The company decided to have her video and song be the last ones out of the group. The solo videos were going to begin getting released around September 4th and her video was scheduled for September 19th before they changed plans and made her show up last.

Despite working on the album, Big Hit still wanted her to remain off social media. It had been hard since she wanted to engage with fans and shout out other idol groups for their comebacks like Monsta X and Got7 but she did what she was told.

'Short Film Making Story'

'#Evermore'

With the camera filming her getting ready, she happily waved to it and began to speak.

"Hey, it's your girl Jennie and today I am here to film my Wings short film! And look! My hair is finally dyed! Frickin red! Ahhh~!" she cutely jumped up and down and showed it off before letting the stylist continue their work. "Now y'all can stop asking me every single comeback! I mean look at this! Look! This hair is amazing! I look so good! I'm glad I went through with it. Red looks great on me! Rihanna vibes!"

"She cried," the stylist put her on blast.

'Miss Bangtan Is Put On Blast'

Jennie stared at the stylist, astounded. "I-I didn't cry!"

"Yes, you did. You were like, 'Oh God please let my hair be okay. Please don't let it fall out or get damaged,'" the stylist teased.

"Shut it!"

Jen went over to the set that looked similar to an airport as she wore jeans and a black and white hoodie with a messy bun.

"I have no idea what the guys are doing for their short films," she added. "But since I'm here in America, the staff came here so we can film. Even though I'm having some visa issues, that doesn't mean I'm stopping my bag. We're making this work. I want you to see a different side of me for this comeback. I hope you look forward to it and keep cheering me on,"

She was given a bag to carry as the stylists did the finishing touches to her hair and makeup.

"I'm supposed to be playing three people today," she announced to the camera with a nervous expression. "My regular self as you see now and then my dark and good personas. Kind of like an angel and a devil on your shoulders. It's going to be cool how the video is going to be created."

"Action!" the director announced.

Jen went on with the role, walking through the airport, clutching her bag. She looked around frantically before rushing into the women's bathroom.

After recording her walking a couple of times to get all the right angles, she was then filmed in front of a bathroom sink. She placed her palms on it with a troubled facial expression as she stared at herself in the mirror. Before she knew it, she backed away, startled, and began to look confused.

For the scene with her back in the home she was in for the I Need U MV, she did a costume change, wearing a black suit with a black lace bodysuit under it. This time she was playing her evil persona with her hair down.

"I lowkey always wanted to play an evil person. I wonder how long it'll take for me to get into character. My sister helped me practice for the role. I hope she likes my acting and doesn't roast me for it. My acting lessons will pay off too!" she laughed. "I'm supposed to be speaking to myself. It'll be weird speaking to air but in the video, it'll have all three of me in the shot. So, you'll see how it all develops,"

Once she heard action, Jennie leaned her back against the counter and glanced over nonchalantly at her dead ex who was on the floor.

"Welp..." she murmured coldly and turned to where her other self would be leaning over the counter. "Hey. Pull yourself together."

'Jennie channels her inner evil self with charisma'

"Come on, let me take over. I'm tired of this 50/50 fight," she said smugly like she was looking at the good persona of herself.

For the last shot, Jennie sat in the waiting room of the airport, playing some notes from her solo song on the guitar. While she played, someone walked over to her which caused her to stop and acknowledge the person. The camera remained on her, only showing the person's footsteps to keep viewers guessing who had found her.

Once the director announced that the shot was finished, everyone cheered while Jennie happily jumped out of her seat and bowed politely.

"Thank you! Woo! I'm done~! Yay! I can't wait for the video to drop! Look forward to it ARMY!" she waved goodbye to the camera.

-----

Wings 8: Evermore

"I wanted only to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?" Jennie narrated from Demain before the screen faded in to reveal her feet running through the airport.

It panned up to her back as footsteps and her heavy breathing were heard. She had been running and slowed down the pace to speed walk. There was hardly anyone in the airport as she looked around, clutching her bag tightly with her guitar on her back. She appeared troubled as several thoughts went through her mind like she did something regretful and thought someone was going to find her.

All that was on her mind was that she had to leave. Asap. She could not stay here. Not after what happened.

Finding the women's bathroom, she rushed into it and set her bag and guitar down against the wall. Jen exhaled sharply, and approached a sink, placing her palms on it. Slowly, she looked up to meet her reflection in the mirror.

"You're okay..." she whispered to herself.

She looked fine but on the inside, she felt like hell. Upon looking at herself, she was startled when a woman that looked exactly like her, stared at her from behind. Only not in a bun but with her hair down and black clothing.

This dark figure she stared at smirked softly, which caused Jennie to look confused.

What was going on? Why was she staring at herself wearing different clothes and hair? The dark figure even had the same white butterfly necklace in contrast with the dark clothes.

Jen tilted her head to the side and watched as the figure copied her movements. She then tilted her head to the other side and watched as the figure did the same. Swiftly turning around, she was met with nothing. The woman was gone.

She took a few steps forward. Okay, maybe she was imagining things.

But little did she know, the dark figure was behind her. When Jennie turned around, her face was cupped into the dark figure's hands, and her forehead pressed against hers, ending the shot as the screen went black.

For the next shot, Jennie was back at home where she was in for the I Need U MV. She had on the same white dress from the MV with the messy bun still intact.

She stood against the kitchen counter with her forearms on it. Her face remained emotionless as she thought about what had just happened.

The camera panned over to the feet on the floor that belonged to her ex. To ease her nerves, she tapped her shaky fingers against the glass of water she had in her hands. Her mind began to fog up with negative thoughts about her fate.

Abruptly, the dark persona of hers leaned her back against the counter, crossing her arms. She glanced at the body nonchalantly.

"Welp..." her dark persona spoke coldly. She had no remorse for the man. She turned to Jennie and watched as she was still in a state of shock. "Hey. Pull yourself together..."

A loud sigh was heard as Jennie's good persona stood on the other side, facing the counter. She wore a white suit and her red hair was straightened. A black butterfly necklace was placed around her neck as she stared at the body sympathetically. She placed a hand on Jennie's shoulder.

"Are you all right?" her good persona asked.

"Of course, she is. He got what he deserved," her dark persona answered, earning a frown in return.

"It was an accident,"

"An accident? Please...if he's dead, he deserved it," her dark persona bluntly replied.

"She is not a bad person," her good persona denied and removed her hand from Jennie.

"That's where you're wrong. There's a bit of evil in all of us and you know it," her dark persona turned to Jennie who continued to look forward. A wicked smile crept on her lips. "I bet that felt good...tempting..."

"It was a scary situation she was put in. It didn't feel good at all. She's full of remorse,"

"To you. She's more like me now and soon she will become all of me,"

"She will never become what you are. Not while I'm here,"

"Look around you," the dark persona gestured, briefly looking around. "Look at what happened. This is her true self,"

"This is not her,"

"Yes, it is. She won't be needing you, anymore. Come on, let me take over, I'm tired of this 50/50 fight,"

"She'll atone. I'm not giving up on her,"

"Well, it certainly wasn't you that she channeled to do what she did. You're too soft. Enough was enough."

The good persona ignored her and leaned toward Jennie's ear. "You are still a good person. You defended yourself. It was self defense."

Having enough, the dark persona grabbed Jen by the chin and turned her head slightly, speaking in her ear as she glared at his body. "Look at what you've done. Look at him suffer! He deserved every bit of it! This was what you wanted to do for a very long time. This was building for weeks!" she began to shout angrily. "These men think they can do whatever they want to us, say whatever they want, disrespect us, and hurt us?! No. They did it to the wrong one this time,"

Jennie seemed to have slowly gotten out of her shocked state when she heard a loud groan from the floor.

So he was still alive...

That calmed her nerves a bit as Jennie managed to walk across the counter to stand and look at his weakened state. He faintly called out her name in anger, uttering out curses.

"Huh. So, the piece of shit is still alive," her dark persona said with a scowl as she stood next to Jennie with her arms crossed.

"Good. There's still time," her good persona said, standing on her other side.

"No..." her dark persona turned to Jennie. "You know exactly what to do...end it,"

"No. Don't throw it all away. You're better than this. You are not alone and you know which route to take," her good persona said as the trio looked at the man on the floor.

Back to reality, Jennie had awakened in the waiting area of her flight thanks to her phone notifications going off. She also noticed that it was getting close to her flight arrival and more people were showing up at the airport.

Curious about the messages, she went through them and noticed it was all about whether she was all right which made her tear up. Everyone was asking for her whereabouts. But she had to ignore it and keep moving forward. She needed to leave.

Before she could turn her phone off, the person she wanted to avoid the most began to call. She hesitated to answer as she stared at the caller ID while the camera didn't show who was calling.

Placing her phone back into her bag, she grabbed her guitar out of the case and began to play the opening notes of her song to distract herself.

The camera panned to the floor to show footsteps approaching her and they stopped near the row she sat at. As Jen stopped playing, the instrumental of her song continued to play in the background.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she let out a breath and acknowledged the hand. She then slowly turned her head to look up in the direction of the individual she predicted to find her as the screen faded to black.

"Looks like you found me..."

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llynwen · 1 month

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hey I saw your tags abt reading the MM book too and I desperately need to hear abt it from more ppl that also shoved it up their ass. Thoughts?

oh brother you have no idea just how many thoughts i have about it.

i really didn't wanna read the book because i knew it was going to make me go insane, but then a friend of mine who i'm trying to force to watch the show (i beg of you martyna. it's so good) decided to get it for me for my birthday.

from the very first few fucking pages i was Perplexed, to put it lightly. i was expecting a light and breezy autobiography with some silly childhood anecdotes and maybe behind the scenes tea about the hollywood crowd. Instead i was served almost 300 pages of trauma dumping, philosophical ruminations and some very TMI info that i wish i never read. i rated this book 5/5 on goodreads btw.

the first thing that really knocked me on my ass was this (i'm ignoring the ketchup story i DON'T want to think about that)

this should've given me an idea about that kind of book this was gonna be. yet i continued on, blindly, thinking, okay maybe he just wanted to get that out there. more power to him. whatever. (not really).

then the motherfuckers starts explaining his little philosophy, the titular green lights, right? and i'm like, yeah. i agree. you're correct. but why did it take you 50 years to figure this out? i'm 24 and i've been living by this very logic for years. Anyways. i continue reading.

now, bro spends half the book trying to convince us his parents were NOT abusive. i disagree. i think he has stockholm syndrome. i hope he's in therapy. i don't wanna think about this either.

now, this is where i started catching on that he was lying to me. i know it took me an embarrassingly long time, but i was giving him the benefit of the doubt. the undead parrot and the 13 story tree house, however, was what made me go Wait A Damn Minute.

yeah, turns out this book isn't a memoir, it's a mix between a magical realism novel, a self help handbook and a philosophical treaty. served to you on really nice paper (i mean Really nice. i appreciate that) with important words in bold, italics or even sometimes in green (which i appreciate even more, since i am tragically dyslexic).

after establishing that all men do is, in fact, lie, i gained a different outlook on the whole thing (i swear i need to read it again, this time in full englit major mode, make some notes and dissect this thing like it's shakespeare).

i like how candid he is about kind of getting lucky with the whole famous thing. he really took that slutty slutty waist and peculiar bone structure of his and said I'm Gonna Make A Career Out Of This. good for him.

he is, however, just a man, and at the end of the day, you can really tell he sees the world through his privilege. the white straight cis christian rich and famous thing kinda sways him into obnoxious territory in some parts, and it had me seething with rage. like, i too would love to go hike through south america because it came to me in a dream. i'd looooove to go visit my favorite unknown artist in a country on the other side of the world. i was half hoping to read about a piranha biting his shlong off when he went skinny dipping in the motherfucking amazon. (un)fortunately, no dice.

the david and goliath story made me chuckle out loud. he makes it Just believable enough to make you think about it. i like being made to think.

the philosophics continue in the form of the single most cursed wall of chicken scratches i ever did see. i sat there, straining my eyes, trying to decipher this shit, and i'm pretty sure he was on something when he wrote it because all of this

could be summed up with "you've gotta leave your comfort zone to learn more about yourself and the world." suck my cock dude.

i Really like how he talks about his wife. but then again, when you look at her, there really isn't any other way of talking about her.

i mean. how the Fuck did his stinky ass pull this goddess. lucky bastard.

now, the 3ish pages where he talks about filming the show (which was the whole reason i even started reading) are criminally underwhelming. i was hoping for a sneak peak into that elusive 450 page manuscript (i will Steal your laptop matthew. watch out), but instead i got a one liner of him being like i wanna play rusty because he's the specialest little girl in the whole entire world and the producers going yeah fine. THAT'S IT. still mad about this, especially because after that he hits you with the love letter to new orleans. i mean be serious. he should Not be allowed to write shit like that.

to summarize, i think he might be a genius, or he might be insane. he is probably both. i want to shove this book up his ass for many reasons, for example him making me learn the names of his kids (i hate knowing things about celebrity kids. leave them out of this) or for making me agree with him. because i do. agree. I don't appreciate his continued efforts to convert me to christianity and i think he's disgustingly obnoxious in some places, but the truth is he has a real cool outlook on a lot of things and i'm very mad that i now respect this bastard for more than his acting skills. i would like to buy him a six pack and listen to him talk about it. i'd love to argue with him, too. i can recommend this book to everybody who feels like they need to experience some psychic damage and maybe an existentialist crisis alongside it. on Very Nice Paper.

#i can never think about lord byron the same #damn you matthew #banger of a read for realsies #ask #matthew mcconaughey

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