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carrie-tate · 6 months

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You know what?

That's what!

That's right, this blog has grown to such a significant level, can you imagine? There are 1000 of you gathered here...

People, what are you doing here xD?

God, this... This is such a significant number, I can even give a speech about everything that I have been through during this time (about two and a half years, by the way!)

And I will!

Let me start by saying that this blog has been through a lot.

Periods like my first requests, when I scored my first hundred. Or for the second time when I was taking requests, when it was a period of creating a bunch of drawings (particularly based on Percy Jackson, btw, lol)

But the times when I get carried away and create characters stand out even more clearly.

For example, to ship them with a canon character

For example, Thea and Cilan, one of the longest-running couples on this blog, and one of the most affectionate. I even drew a comic based on them, and it all ended in one chapter >x'D

Or Chris and MMK, a couple from a completely unpopular fandom like Kaitou Joker, whose dynamic I still find most lively and exciting!

Although some of my characters were not created for romance

For example, Kasumi, my beautiful girl from Mob Psycho 100, who personifies my behavior in college now, which is even funny, because when I created her, I just wanted to be like her.

And yes, obviously, there are many more characters that I showed here, and maybe you remember them. But listing them would take so much time, and I need to move on.

Here I met wonderful people!

And I still communicate with many, and everyone is extremely dear to me! I just want to say thank you to everyone!

@caelums-fate @soft--dragon @sonartf @mochirizu @candyheartedchy @kanene-yaaay-o-retorno @randommusicalfluff @rand0m-s1nner @birbliophile @fluffy-ami @aviafoil @otomiyaa and more more more!

No matter how long we communicate, you are extremely dear to me, and thank you for being here with me! You are wonderful people! And even people I haven’t talked to, but regularly like my work, I recognize your nicknames and avatars and appreciate you too! Thank you!

This blog was created in 2021 by fifteen-year-old me who was drawing at SAI and had absolutely no idea that Tumblr would be a part of her life. Just a hobby.

And I even disappeared for almost a year, and really started working on this blog by the spring of 2022.

I slowly developed, took requests, became bolder, talking about the topic of tickle and sharing my thoughts. And looking at my old posts... I feel both funny and a little ashamed of my inexperience. But I understand that this is part of the way I grew up. And this is good.

So now I'm better than before. A lot happened. I graduated from school and entered college. I cut my hair and started wearing glasses more often. Became more open and less shy. I, one might say, took a couple of useless fandoms under my wing, drawing tickle content on them. I treasure every comment with gratitude that such drawings have finally appeared for this or that fandom (mp100, pjo, Wild Kratts, etc.), I carefully keep in my heart.

I think if the young me of 2021 saw me now, she would be proud... And that's a nice thought, you know?

Just what else I want to say...

I can’t get tired of saying thank you to this place for every memory and emotion that it gave me. Thank you so much for being here with me, you are all just wonderful, bright people, whose support I value in my hectic life!

#talk #1000 followers #very big thankfull post

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fluffyskies · 1 year

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This request is for the lovely @kanene-yaaay ! :3

#Omori #Kel #Hero #Brotherly bonding #Bonding #Tickling #Tickles #Lee Kel #Ler Hero #Fanart #Tickle art #Request #Hope you enjoy!#Have a nice day and or night :D #Skyes art #Skye posts

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ao3feed-izuku-midoriya · 2 years

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I promise I am doing my best!

I promise I am doing my best! by Kanene yaaay

Smol fic I wrote with the Sentence Starter [“I promise I am doing my best!”]

Hitoshi is stuck. Midoriya, as a good friend, tries to help. Emphasis on 'try'

Words: 290, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 7 of Tickly Requests

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Shinsou Hitoshi

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Shinsou Hitoshi

Additional Tags: Tickle fic, Lee Shinsou, Ler Midoriya, Ticklish Hitoshi, playful tickling, Look at them being SILLY KIDS doing SILLY THINGS and not worrying about war at all, Also feat Shinsou's capture weapon, Rip da sleepy boi, tickle, Tickling, Sfw tickling

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39331134

#AO3 Feed #FanFiction #AO3 Izuku #♠#Izuku Midoriya #Hitoshi Shinsou #R:G #A:Kanene

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ao3feed-bakusquad · 2 years

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Shhh! You gotta be quiet!

Shhh! you gotta be quiet! by Kanene yaaay

Quick, soft scenario with the sentence starter ["Shhh! you gotta be quiet!"]

Aoyama has a nightmare and Sero takes upon his hand to help him feel better again

Words: 265, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 8 of Tickly Requests

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Aoyama Yuuga, Sero Hanta

Relationships: Aoyama Yuuga & Sero Hanta

Additional Tags: Fluff, Comfort, cheer up tickles, Cute, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, tickle, Tickling, Sfw tickling, Ticklish Aoyama, Lee Aoyama, Ler Sero

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39331329

#AO3 Feed #FanFiction #AO3 Sero #♠#Sero Hanta #Yuuga Aoyama #📦#R:G #A:Kanene #Fluff

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latest-breaking-news-video · 5 months

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Watch Kanen Wealth Administration: Actual Good Meals Rejects Board-Illustration Request - MarketWatch News

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skribblz · 3 years

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Could you do Lee!Ojiro with someone you choose? I just want a wagging tail 😭💖💖💖

thank you for the first request since the reopen! the wagging tail idea is so cute!! I also wanna give back to the writers that contribute so much amazing content to our community, so I’ll be sprinkling in some art based off of their work!!!

inspiration: @kanene-yaaay’s fic <3

#ojiro mashirao #mina ashido #bnha #skribbles

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flames-tstuff · 2 years

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Kanene. Lovely, sweet, beautiful @kanene-yaaay who has never done me wrong. I am SO sorry that this took me literally like 4 months to get out. I don't know why it's so hard for me to fulfill requests 😅 And I'm so sorry to those of you whose requests I STILL havent gotten to. Anyways, now that that's out of the way...

LEE 👏 LEO 👏

I completely agree with your headcanon that Leo is the camp tickle monster and is a total gremlin about it XD

Piper was the most obvious ler for me. I love these two's relationship so much--sometimes I forget that they're technically step-siblings, and to Piper, Leo is like "the annoying little brother she never had".

It's been so long since I've drawn some of the pjo/hoo characters, so thanks for the prompt!

#pjo #hoo #pjo/hoo #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #riordanverse #piper mclean #leo valdez #pjo leo #pjo piper #ler!piper #lee!leo #flame draws #flames stuff #kanene yaaay #kanene asks #100 followers #100 followers event #my art

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kisstheassassins · 3 years

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Hi there😊May I request a HC with Connor and SO who is an assassin in The Tyranny of King, but in this SO doesn't remember him when he finds her in the same prison as Kanen'tó:kon hanging by her wrists being tortured by a bluecoat(similar to what happened to Leliana in DA Inquisition). Also she would the same person he originally knew, but cold & kind of emotionless. Not to mention she wouldn't trust him either. Lol sorry that got dark, but thank you for taking the time to read this!

I hope this is to your liking 😊

Also im using (p/n) as your preferred pronouns.

The two men had finally been liberated from the prison they were held in, but Kanen had one last thing to do here before he could finally leave.

There they were at a four-way cross section of the jail, with Kanen looking around at each hallway as if he were trying to remember something.

"What is it?" Ratonhnhaké:ton asked his friend; his hand was pulling on Kanen's arm to make him hurry, but he pulled away.

"We cannot leave yet," the other man says, running down one of the halls. If Connor hadn't trusted his friend he would have gone the other way, but he follows close behind.

They find themselves at a closed door, and behind it a voice can be heard. It's cold and harsh, and upon creaking the door open Kanen realizes its not just one person, but two. You hang by your wrists from the ceiling by chains, feet barely hitting the floor as you gasp for each breath.

"I know that there were more of you," the guard says harshly. He has some sort of blunt weapon in his hand to strike you when he thinks you're either lying, or doesn't like the answer you give him. Your face is bloodied and bruised.

"Beat me all you want," you growl, "I'm not saying a damn thing. You and your false King can rot in hell."

Your voice rang through Ratonhnhaké:tons ears like a cannon firing just beside him. His breath quickens as he and Kanen rush in just before the guard strikes you, startling him.

However, before they can reach him your legs wrap around his neck tightly, using your chains to lift you up and choke the man with your limbs. You apply more pressure with each passing minute, and eventually jerk your hips sideways to result the sound of his neck snapping. His body slumps to the floor, as well as your legs. You're exhausted.

Kanen moves the dead body to the side and searches for the key while Ratonhnhaké:ton looks you over. He's still trying to process that he even found you, let alone in this prison. And the state of you; it made him sick to see you so beaten. He always promised to protect you and to prevent this type of thing.

"Took your bloody time," you say, an exasperated smile gracing your lips. Kanen unlocks the braces one by one, and Ratonhnhaké:ton helps you stand when each hand is free. You can't help but fall to the floor, and he helps you down gently. Kanen kneels on the other side of you.

"I don't particularly enjoy leaving my friends behind," he says. You rub your wrists and wince at the pain; no doubt these bruises would be here a while.

Your eyes meet the other man's, suspicion building up the more he stares. His eyes are soft and his mouth is partially open like he wants to say something.

"Friend of yours?" you ask, looking up at Kanen. He nods.

"More like a brother. This is Ratonhnhaké:ton."

You both lock eyes again, and a sense if warmth and familiarity fill your chest. It confuses you; you know you have never met this man in your life, so why are you so..... fuzzy?

You nod at him in greeting.

"(Y/n)," you say, and even though he knows it, he smiles to you anyway.

Kanen and Ratonhnhaké:ton help you stand up and keep you close to support your legs, as it was somewhat difficult to walk after the beatings you received.

"Go on ahead," Ratonhnhaké:ton says, "I'll help (p/n)."

With just you two now following a ways behind Kanen, Connor has a close grip on you and you can't help but notice how closely he watches you. You don't have to look to know, but you can feel his eyes on you.

You try to break the wall with small talk.

"Thanks for doing this," you say, "uh.... " A laugh escapes you. "Sorry, I don't know how to say your name."

He knew it was coming, but he played a long.

"What would you like to call me then?" he asks softly. Your eyes meet his once again and you chuckle.

"My mentor," you begin, "he had a son. Died when he was only six." A pause. "Is Connor okay?"

The man smiles and nods, fixing his grip on your back. You fall in closer to him as your legs are still weak.

"It's perfect," he chuckles, but you weren't able to feel how his heart ached and yearned for you at that moment. "How about we get out of here, hm?"

-----

Benjamin Franklin had been attending to your wounds on your hands and wrists, while the other two who saved you leaned over a table discussing their next move for the revolution over Washington. You can't help but stare at Connor and wonder why he felt so familiar to you, but you never met the man.

"Something bothering you, (y/n)? " Ben asks. You keep your eyes focused.

"How come I've never met Connor," you say. Your friend looks to where you are looking.

"You mean Ratonhnhaké:ton?"

Your eyes glance to Ben and then back.

"We settled on Connor since I can't pronounce his name," you say.

Ben finishes up wrapping the bandages around the cut on your palm, watching you wince as he tucks the fabric in.

"Well," he begins, "I don't think Kanen'tó:kon expected to find his friend here in the midst of all this. He went to war with Washington even before Ratonhnhaké:ton and his mother did."

You sit up off the table and pulls your sleeves down over your bandages.

"Do you trust him?"

"He's been very helpful so far," he states, "in fact, I believe he's done more for us in the past week than we have in a month. I dont think you have anything to worry about."

----

A brief war table meeting later, and everyone has departed to complete their duty for the day, leaving you to rest and Connor to go over what he had missed over the past few weeks. You find yourself beside him staring at the wall of photos and drawings that you and your colleagues had collected for evidence and tracking. Connor stares up at Washington, eyes malice and eager to find the man.

"You seem to have a personal vendetta with him," you say, more so than we do."

Connor looks to you and then back at the wall, exhaling sharply.

"He has done a lot of harm and damage to my people, as well as the rest of the world. My home was burned, my people enslaved."

He stops a moment to collect himself and take a deep breath, almost preparing himself for what he had to say next.

"He... murdered my mother. My father."

You swallow the lump in your throat; people were lucky enough to survive Washington's wrath, let alone escape it. A majority of those here weren't so lucky.

"I'm sorry," you say softly.

A few moments pass and you can't help but stare at him, that feeling familiarity hitting you dead in the chest again. Your palms are sweaty too, you notice, and you're chewing the inside of your cheek. Connor glances your way and turns his head when he sees you.

"What?" he says. You exhale sharply.

"Are you sure we haven't met before?" He shakes his head. "I feel like I've seen you before and its driving me mad."

Connor shifts in his spot, thinning his lips and staring at you, waiting, as if he wanted to speak. But he doesn't. Instead he watches you get closer.

"I don't normally trust people so easily," you say, "but seeing Kanen being so open and close to you, I feel like I can too. Don't take me the wrong way Connor, but you feel real familiar to me and I don't know why."

He smiles sheepishly, memories if you flooding his mind back in.... his original world. All of this surely had to be a nightmare.

"Perhaps we should work together," he begins, "see where this goes from here."

You smile at him and he does the same for you, making you chuckle. You pat his arm and make way upstairs; he is in close pursuit.

He prayed to his ancestors nothing happened to you after this.

#ask #answer #ac #assassins creed #connor kenway #connor #ac3 #connor kenway x reader #drabble #assassins creed x reader

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ivy-plays · 2 years

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MASTERLIST

Rules: <-my rules listed in the link.

I'll wright for the fallowing fandoms:

AVATAR: I will write for the main cast of both movies whether or not there platonic permanently depends on the character .

°Jurasic World(Owen Grady)

° fnaf: All characters as of now.

° BNHA : Deku, Bakugo, Shoto, denki, Kirishima, Mina, Aizawa ,Hawks , Mirkro

° Genshin Impact : Aether, Kaeya, Diluc, Beidou, Kazuha, Thoma, Xaio, Zhongli, Albedo ,Venti

° Danganronpa: Depends on ask.

° Demon slayer: Tanjiro, Inosuke, Zenitsu, Nezuko(Platonic only) Giyu, Rengoku, demon moons, Mitsuri, Uzui and his wives

° FF7 Remake: Cloud,Tifa, Zack (platonic only) Biggs

° The Outsiders: all of the main cast (pony and Johnny platonic only)

° Aot: Levi, Eren, Mikasa, Hange

°Star wars the clone wars.: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ashoka (platonic) Rex, Cody, Fives, Kanen + Hera , Ezra

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel: Blitzø, Moxie,Millie, Stolas, Alastor, Octavia, Loona, Ozzy+ fizzaroli

° stranger things: Billie, Eddie, Steve, Robin , the main kids(platonic only) Johnathan

Feel free to request things!! Request will be where the majority of my story's will come from!

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rosileeduckie · 3 years

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Perceptive

The ones who know us most dearly have the greatest power to destroy us.

Shōji and Tokoyami spar with no ulterior motives. :) For @rebbelgirl21, who requested from the tickle prompt list #28, “Am I teasing you too much?” for Shōji and Tokoyami!

SFW. Potential warnings: none. My Hero Academia tickle fic.

Word count: 641

~*~

Shōji sat down heavily by the side of the training floor, taking long gulps from his water bottle with one hand and stretching the rest of his arms behind his back and then across his chest. He wiped sweat from his brow but couldn’t wipe the flush from his cheeks.

It was kind of funny, how quickly he’d become Class 1A’s resident tickle monster. It wasn’t inaccurate; having more limbs and a general quiet but friendly disposition lent themselves well to helping his friends brighten their days with big smiles. Some days, though, Shōji’s subconscious focus shifted from his hands and the fact that he had six of them for mischief up to his armpits, to the fact that he had six of them open to mischief. That mindset—and what came with it: being easy to fluster, jumpy, but also not as quick with defense—caused some detriment to Shōji’s other position in class as top or top 5 hand-to-hand combat training champion. That flip-side-of-the-coin mentality he had was funny, too, but admittedly more so to those who could use it against him than to him.

Tokoyami sat down beside his sparring partner, Dark Shadow curling up between them and purring, his Quirk’s blatant delight a stand-in for how big Tokoyami was trying not to grin. With the few close friends he had, Tokoyami wasn’t the best at opening up or reciprocating vulnerability. He would rather just notice things about someone rather than be told them; he thought his perceptive nature lent itself well to that. He and Shōji had been pretty mutually understanding in that regard. Shōji had seen that Tokoyami didn’t like hats but also hated being cold, so he’d gifted him a very warm and very stylish cowl. Tokoyami had seen that Shōji wasn’t comfortable being in public without his face mask, so the shadowy student always carried spares in his backpack just in case. Shōji had seen how agitated Dark Shadow got in settings that were too loud, so he readily lent Tokoyami his headphones and frequently shared with him interesting or calming podcasts to listen to. Tokoyami had seen that, while Shōji got some genuine joy out of tickling their classmates to cheer them up, the thought of being tickled himself had the power to send Shōji into a flustered tailspin he didn’t have to say he loved, so Tokoyami made good use of days like that to keep Shōji visibly blushing and smiling behind his mask.

“Am I teasing you too much?” Tokoyami said, taking a sip from his own water bottle.

Shōji suppressed a shiver at the memory of the sparring session they’d just finished, when he’d nearly been taken to the mat a dozen times for how often Tokoyami chipped at his defenses by sending Dark Shadow zooming across the mat just to whisper “tickle, tickle” in Shōji’s ear and nuzzle into his neck before retreating. “You’ll have to do much better than that to keep me from winning,” Shōji replied.

With a thoughtful hum, Tokoyami smiled. Shōji didn’t have to say he didn’t want to win, that he wanted much meaner teasing. Tokoyami could see it.

He could see it especially when he had Shōji pinned to the mat under him, could see the smile lines at the edges of his eyes and see his mask huff with laughter. Tokoyami’s hands latched onto Shōji’s ribs, fingers wiggling evilly and diving into his armpits when an opening presented itself, and Dark Shadow nuzzled the six-armed student’s belly and laughed along with him. Tokoyami could see how happy Shōji was, so he tickled and tickled and tickled him until he was a giggling, exhausted puddle on the mat. With the crooked smile and contentedly cuddled-up Quirk Tokoyami bore, he knew Shōji could see how happy he was, too, just to make him happy.

~*~

Taglist:

@kanene-yaaay

@hexalianrebel-blackfeathers

@wordsofa

#tkl #tickle fic #fluff #ro writes #writing #mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #shoji mezo #tokoyami fumigake #ticklish!shoji #prompt flood #shotoko #tickle fiction #tickle fanfiction #tickling.

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kanene-yaaay · 1 year

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Hello! I have a question, do you accept request for encanto and if so, which characters do u write and don’t write for?

Heya!! Thank you for your asky, however I am not accepting requests at the moment and, to be honest, it's been a long time since I interacted w anything from Encanto as well so I am afraid I wouldn't be able to create anything very good for it, too :')

But, again, thank you! I feel truly honoured that you liked my works that much to ask for a request. It's like a high compliment for me <3 Hope you have a great day, bean!

#Didn't even realize that it's been almost a year since I wrote for encanto #crazy #Anyway fr thank you for your asky. I have on my pinned post the fandoms I am creating content for and you can also look there-#-to see if my requests are open or closed at the moment #^.^#Kanene's askys #askys

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carrie-tate · 1 year

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how about jason and percy having a tickle-off? whoever laughs the hardest loses :D

i suppose they're both the lee and the ler so feel free to do whatever you'd like with this!! may the best tickler win

As soon as I saw this request, I knew that it was PERFECT for our with @kanene-yaaay hcs that Annabeth and Piper would definitely argue about which of their bf is more ticklish someday.

There was definitely a dialogue between Jason and Percy when they were offered this "endurance test", in the style of

Jason "I'm afraid that..."

and Percy already with a twinkle of excitement in his eyes "Afraid that you'll lose?~"

And that's it, that all, guys, you signed your own sentence xD

#art #request #pjo #hoo #percy jackson #annabeth chase #jason grace #piper mclean #tickle art

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fluffyskies · 3 years

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This was requested by @kanene-yaaay! Hope you enjoy! And please check out her awesome blog as well :3

#16- More giggles please!

Ler Patton, Lee Emile!

Patton had asked Emile if he wanted to hang out in his room to talk and play around a little bit.

"Hey wanna see this?" Patton asked

"See what?"

"This it's a scrapbook of all the others!"

"Oh cool"

Patton handed the scrapbook to Emile, he watched as he look through it.

"Wow Pat did you make this?"

"Yes I did" Patton said confidently

"It's really cute"

"Awe thanks Emmy! I want to have memories of my precious children"

Emile hands the scrapbook back to Patton and he puts it back where it was. When Patton turned back over to Emile he seemed like he staring off into space. So he waved his hand in his face to end his trance, but he didn't even blink. Then Patton noticed since he was laying down on his back his shirt was a bit pushed up, revealing some exposed tummy. Then he gave him a poke right there and didn't expect the noise that came out of Emile's mouth.

"Was that a giggle?" Patton asked with a smirk creeping its way on his face.

Emile cleared his throat "N-no I don't know what your talking about Pat"

"Ooooh I think you know what I'm talking about" smile turning feral. If this is the kind of game he wanted to play then so be it.

Emile tried sitting back up but only to be pushed right back down by Patton's hand.

"U-uh pat?" the side asked nevousy

"Yeeeees?" Patton answered as he straddled his hips.

"W-what are you gonna do?"

"Hmm, I wanna hear those sweet giggles" he said as he eyed his belly.

"Whahat?" Emile said already starting to giggle.

"Giggling already?" Patton chuckled. "Well I'm about to make you giggle even more~

Emile just looked up at Patton his smile was wide and wobbly, blush was bright all the way up to his ears, and his glasses went askew.

"Buuut the question is how to I make more?" Patton contemplated.

At about this time Emile was threw with waiting and pushed his shirt even more to reveal his tummy. He looked at Patton with pleading eyes because all that teasing had sent him into a lee mood.

"Awe such a good little lee" Patton cooed. "Alright your wish is my command".

With that Patton dove in wiggling his fingers on every exposed piece of flesh on Emile's belly. Sending him into hysterics, but whose complaining this is a perfect way to bond with each other.

#Prompts!#requested by @kanene-yaaay!#Lee Emile!#Ler Patton!#Tickling #Skye posts

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

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Nothing Wrong

Prompt: Writing prompt for Merlin (preferably time passes?): Modern Day everyone try to explain to Arthur how life works now and Arthur trying to get Merlin to therapy because JESUS DUDE and coming up with a somewhat workable alibi for what can essentially be called immortality angst. Hope you're having a lovely day!!

Thanks for the prompt, babe! This is part of a series over on my Ao3 but it can be read as a standalone

Read on Ao3

Pairings: merthur, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2217

So it turns out that Merlin, to no one's surprise but his, could benefit from seeing a therapist.

“Thank you for coming in today, Mr. Emrys,” Dr. Lerchen says as Merlin sits down in the plush chair, “it’s good to meet you.”

“You as well, Dr. Lerchen.”

“Please, Melanie is fine.” Dr. Le—Melanie smiles and fixes her glasses. “I understand that you’ve never been to a therapist before?”

“Can’t say I have.”

“Well, I’m happy to have you. May I ask what you’ve heard about therapy?”

“That it’s something I should definitely do.”

“Well, I make no judgments about that, but what else?”

Merlin hesitates. He’s never had someone who’s…paid to listen to him. Whose job it is to help him sort through the mess in his brain. It feels…counterintuitive.

Melanie nods when he says as much. “You’re not the first person who feels a little awkward asking a therapist for help. Nor are you the first to think you don’t actually need it.”

Merlin blinks. “I didn’t say that.”

“No—“ Melanie gives him a look— “but am I right?”

He fidgets in the chair.

“You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to,” she says after a moment, “but I want to reassure you that you don’t need to have a reason to see a therapist.”

“I don’t?”

She shrugs. “Some people see me because they’re having issues at work that they’re struggling to manage. Some people see me because they’ve got mental issues they need help with. And some people see me because they’ve never actually had someone to talk to.”

“…really?”

Melanie smiles. “Yes, Mr. Emrys. You don’t have to need therapy to have therapy.”

A weight begins to lift off his shoulders. Judging by Melanie’s smile, she can see it. She sits back in her chair too and tilts her head.

“Is that all this is,” Merlin murmurs, mostly to himself, “is this…therapy?”

“Well, I’m not sure if it’s as easy to tell from the two minutes you’ve been here,” she laughs, “but…yes. I ask questions, and if you like, you answer them. Or we simply talk. About…whatever you’d like.”

“Whatever I like?”

“Believe me, I’ve spent sessions discussing nothing but movies and favorite colors.”

“With children?”

“With adults.” She gestures between them. “I’m here to provide the support you need to work through things. Does that sound alright?”

“…yes,” Merlin breathes, “that sounds…that sounds great.”

“Wonderful. May I ask you a few questions about why you’re here today?”

“Yes.”

“Do you mind if I write them down?”

Merlin shakes his head and she retrieves a notepad.

“In your request for an appointment, you mentioned that you’d been referred to me by a friend of yours?”

“Yes, um, Leon Camlynn.”

“Ah, yes, I see.” She makes a note. “Had you been discussing therapy with him prior to the referral?”

“You should try it, Merlin,” Leon says encouragingly as Arthur sits down on the couch, “it’s just talking.”

“I’ve had experience with therapy before, Leon.”

“Not like this,” Leon promises, his eyes shining with the understanding of what type of ‘therapy’ Merlin’s been put through, “I promise.”

Merlin sighs. “Look, I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine, Leon, I—“

“Merlin,” Arthur interrupts softly, “I think you should try it. Just once, at least.”

He doesn’t blink at Merlin’s look of betrayal.

“Leon says it helps him, and maybe it’ll help you too.”

“There is so much between us already,” Leon says softly, drawing Merlin’s attention again, “so much history—“

“So why would I want to talk to someone that I’d have to explain things to?”

“—that you might not be able to talk about it with us,” Leon finishes, “and you’d only have to explain as much as you were comfortable with.”

Merlin sighs. “I don’t believe you. There’s—I—I can’t—my—hmm.”

“You don’t have to explain everything all the time, Merlin,” Leon says, “and you definitely won’t have to during the first session.”

“I agree,” Melanie says, patiently writing things down, “I’m not here to pressure you into telling me things you’re not comfortable with, nor am I going to tell you what to do.”

“He said that I should get used to talking to someone.” Merlin toys with the end of his shirt. “Someone that wasn’t…him.”

Melanie nods. “How long has it been? Since you spoke to someone other than Leon?”

1500 years. “…a while.”

“And is Leon your closest friend? Do you have anyone else?”

“I know people at work, I talk to them, they drag me out for pub nights. But Leon’s my only…friend-friend, really.”

“I see.” She looks back at the appointment record. “It says here you’re also considering whether or not you have some sort of PTSD?”

Damnit, Leon.

“…yes.”

“You needn’t tell me anything you feel uncomfortable telling me,” Melanie reminds, “but whatever you do tell me will be useful in how I can help you.”

Merlin can’t help glancing at the door.

“Doctor-patient confidentiality,” comes the quiet reassurance, “nothing you say will leave this room.”

He takes a deep, slow breath. He hasn’t talked about this to anyone. Not even Arthur. Not really. There are so many secrets that no one knows that he doesn’t know how to tell one without telling all of them.

“Pick something small,” Melanie suggests when he says as much, “something innocuous. A memory, perhaps, one that makes you happy.”

“Come on, Merlin, this way!”

Merlin rolls his eyes as Arthur drags him through the woods. “Whatever creature you’re hunting is going to hear us coming from yards away, as you’re so fond of telling me.”

“We’re not hunting Merlin, now come on!”

“Then why are we out in the middle of the woods for no reason? And why am I carrying all this food?”

Arthur bursts through the edge of the woods into a clearing, spinning around with a blinding smile. “We’re having a picnic.”

Merlin blanches. “A what?”

“A picnic, Merlin,” Arthur repeats, taking the basket from him, “we’re going to sit down and eat.”

And they did, in the field, as butterflies flew around their heads.

“That sounds lovely,” Melanie says, smiling, “and how long ago was this?”

Merlin’s smile dims. “A long time.”

“Was it near where you grew up?”

“No, no, it was…quite far away. I, um, I grew up in a smaller village and went away to a big city to work.”

“Was it hard, being away from your family for such a long period of time?”

He misses his mother’s smile.

He misses the smell of the barn when he walks outside—not the big, Camelot stables, but their little barn with the cinnamon and cloves stuffed into the corners to keep the old donkey happy.

He misses Will, the shouts and yells of the other boys as they rush up and down the streets.

He misses the old man’s warbling in the late night as he walked back and forth with the lantern, putting out the lights on his market stall.

“I’d never been farther than walking distance away from my home,” he says quietly, examining his hands, “so it was…hard to adjust.”

“I’m sure. Did you go back to visit them ever?”

“The winters are harsh in Ealdor,” his mother says, pleading in front of the tightly Uther Pendragon, “and there are many children. Some of them just won't be strong enough to survive. We barely have enough food as it is, and if Kanen takes our harvest, our children won't live to see another summer. Please, we need your help.”

“Ealdor's in Cenred's kingdom,” Uther says dismissively, “your safety is his responsibility.”

“We've appealed to our King, but he cares little for the outlying regions. You're our only hope.”

Uther regards his mother with what can only be described as forced pity. “I have the deepest sympathy for you and would have this barbarian wiped off the face of the earth.”

“You'll help us?”

“I wish I could.”

Perhaps sensing Merlin’s dismay, Arthur speaks up. “Surely we can spare a few men?”

“…once.”

Melanie tilts her head. “You sound sad.”

“…my friend died when I went back,” Merlin says, “he…I’d known him since I was a little boy. He was…important to me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” And she does sound genuinely sorry, Merlin realizes, as she leans forward. “What was his name?”

“Will.”

“Will,” she repeats, “I’m sorry he passed.”

Merlin shrugs. Out of all the people he’s lost, he can’t afford to hurt over all of them all the time.

“What did you do afterward?”

“I went back to work.”

Melanie blinks. “Just like that? No time off, no time to grieve?”

“…where I come from, that wasn’t really a thing.”

“…I see.”

Merlin shifts. “Is something wrong?”

“People need time to process things,” she says, “to reconcile what’s happened in order to learn how to live with it. And if you weren’t given that time…”

“It wasn’t the most pressing thing on my mind.”

That gives her pause. She raises an eyebrow and nods for him to continue. Merlin fidgets a little in the chair.

“…I have a secret,” he says finally, “one that Will died to protect for me.”

She makes a soft noise.

“I couldn’t tell anyone,” Merlin continues, staring at a spot on the carpet, “it—they would’ve—“

He breaks off. He hasn’t thought about his magic like this for centuries. He hasn’t thought about his magic for decades. He hasn’t actually looked at himself for…a long time.

He’s been hiding for almost as long as he can remember.

“What would they have done,” Melanie prompts softly.

“Killed me.” Merlin looks up. “They would’ve killed me.”

To her credit, Melanie doesn’t look shocked. Instead, she smiles softly.

“No one will kill you for a secret, Mr. Emrys, not on my watch.”

That shouldn’t make him feel as warm as it does, but he finds his own mouth turning up into a smile.

“Does your family know your secret?”

“My mother did. My father…yes, he knew.”

“Does Leon know?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone else?”

Merlin hesitates. “Yes. Yes, someone else knows. Even though I…I didn’t…I didn’t tell him when I should have.”

“You’re the only one who gets to make that decision,” Melanie reassures, “no one else.”

“But he felt so betrayed when I didn’t tell him. He was…he was angry with me.”

“You’ve lied to me. You’ve lied all this time.”

Merlin can’t quite hear his heart crack in two, but he can feel it.

“Why did you decide to tell him?”

Merlin shrugs. “He was going to get hurt if I didn’t show—if I didn’t tell him.”

“Hurt?”

“He…”

Ygraine, his mother, gone on the day of his birth because of magic.

Uther, turned bitter and cynical, making enemies upon enemies of magic while hoarding it for his own selfish purposes.

Morgana, his own sister, twisted and tortured by Uther, by Arthur, by Merlin, until she was barely recognizable.

Arthur had lost so much to magic that Merlin can’t bear to give him something else to lose.

“…he’s already been hurt by it,” Merlin says, shutting his eyes, “I didn’t want to hurt him too.”

“What happened to him?”

“He—“

Mordred steps out from behind a rock and walks toward Arthur, he raises his sword...

Arthur either hears him or sees his reflection in a sword on the ground. He stands and blocks the attack, he goes to stab and stops, realizing it's Mordred. Mordred stabs him and withdraws the sword, fatally wounding him.

Arthur goes to a knee.

Merlin can’t find the breath to scream.

“Merlin. There is nothing you can do.”

“I’ve failed?

“No, young warlock, for all that you have dreamt of building, has come to pass.”

“I can't lose him! He's my friend!”

“Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny, some lives have been foretold, Merlin...Arthur is not just a King-he is the Once and Future King.”

Once and Forever.

“Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again.”

Merlin. Merlin is all that’s left.

“It has been a privilege to have known you, young warlock-the story we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men.”

1500 years…

“Merlin? Merlin!”

He’s back.

“…he went away. For a very long time.”

“And now?”

Despite everything, Merlin finds himself smiling. “He’s my flatmate.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Melanie says softly, smiling too, “you two deserve your soft epilogue.”

Wait, what?

“I’m afraid that’s all we have the time for today, Mr. Emrys,” Melanie says, standing and holding out her hand for him to shake, “but I’d be happy to set up another appointment.”

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” Merlin says, scrambling to his feet and shaking her hand, “and please, Merlin’s fine.”

“Merlin.” Her handshake is firm, grounding. “Be in touch.”

“I will.”

“And one last thing,” she calls as he goes to leave, “there is nothing wrong with being gay, Merlin.”

Wait, what?

#Merlin #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #arthur pendragon #merthur #merthur fic #fic #dragonbabbles

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