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forjongseong · 9 months

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pine-fresh // jay (ENHYPEN)

pairing: slytherin!jay x gryffindor!fem!reader

genre: hogwarts!au, somewhat rivals to lovers, smut (minors dni)

warning: profanity, a lot of making out, fingering // word count: ~4k

summary: a dash of bickering and a whole lot of miscommunication in Potions class landed you and Slytherin's Park Jongseong in detention. did you ask for it? no. did you regret it? also, no.

author's note: at last, the Slytherin!Jay of my imagination has now, sort of, come to life...

ever since I came across that edit you see on the header, I've thought about him A LOT. now that his hair is actually silver, I have thought about him MORE. especially when @jaylaxies made this, which I thought about ALSO a lot... let's just say that Slytherin!Jay has been occupying my mind a lot more than I expected.

my knowledge on the HP universe is quite limited, so please excuse if some scenes don't seem too believable (like Snape somewhat being less strict here, or detention being scrubbing the bathroom). the title of this fic refers to the password that is needed to enter the Prefects' bathroom.

now, I know I say when I post oneshots I intend for them to be standalone fics, meaning that I most likely won't write a part two. but for this one??? if a lot of you like it, and a lot of you ask for it, I might be open to writing a sequel (once I conduct a lengthy research on Hogwarts grounds)

anyway, I hope you enjoy this little treat! I'm trying to shake off my writer's block, so please expect secretary!Jay to return soon.

taglist: @jaylaxies @excusememissiloveyou @thots4hee @end-hyphen @nyanggk @maggstar @bucketofhiros @shinkenprincess-oh @mydarlingjay @mochimchimo @jongseonglogy @strawberrification12 @xiaoderrrr

permanent taglist is open! send an ask or DM if you want to be tagged.

As your House’s Prefect and one of the smartest students at school, you thought it would be impossible to dislike a class. Getting good grades in almost every subject seemed to prove that you liked learning everything, but by God, you hated Potions. Other than the fact that the lessons took place in a literal dungeon, which made it colder than any of the classrooms above, you always had to deal with the unpleasant smell of whatever was brewing in the room. Add the inconvenient detail that half of the class consisted of Slytherin students, which was more than you could tolerate.

You did not know when it started, maybe since the Sorting Hat placed you in Gryffindor or when you witnessed one of your classmates getting teased by a Slytherin, but you had a strong aversion to anything related to that house. It became so bad to the point that whenever you got paired with a Slytherin for an assignment, all you wanted to do was to get the job done quickly for the both of you so you could leave the class as soon as possible.

“Miss L/N,” called Professor Snape. Your head snapped up and you locked eyes with him, somehow convincing him that you had been listening to all his instructions despite staring into the empty vials on your table. “Today you’ll be working with Park Jongseong.”

You nodded softly and once Snape turned his head towards another student, you made an audible groan and leaned back on your chair.

“You don’t sound so happy to be paired with me.”

Jay took the now unoccupied seat beside you and sat with a force that made his robe flutter. The flash of green caught your eye, and you hesitantly pulled your books to your side, making room for his on the table.

“I’ll handle the mixing,” you replied, completely unrelated to his remark.

Jay frowned before letting out a soft chuckle. “Wow, I guess you really aren’t in the mood today.”

You turned your head only slightly enough to shoot daggers at him with your eyes, and his response was just a huff to his face, messing up the silver bangs on his forehead. The sound of Professor Snape’s voice caught your attention, so you straightened up and listened intently, but also noticed how Jay was mimicking you. Once you were all instructed to begin, Jay grabbed his quill and started making notes for the recipe.

For the first couple of minutes, the process went well. You were mixing and adding stuff according to Jay’s dictation. However, after he misread the measurements for a certain ingredient, causing your brew to bubble uncontrollably, you began scolding him and blaming him for everything.

“What’s distracting you? How could you have misread that?” You half-shouted, a handkerchief in your hand as you attempted to clean up your surroundings.

“Maybe if you weren’t shaking so much when you’re holding the vials then I could have paid more attention,” Jay retorted, snatching a vial from your other hand to prevent more spills. “We should switch. You tell me what to do and I’ll redo everything.”

“That will take us even longer, and everyone else is already halfway done,” you complained as you looked around the class. You saw Professor Snape eyeing your table.

“Do you have another solution?” Jay asked, staring back at you.

You reluctantly agreed to switch tasks, but it turned out that Jay was worse than you. He kept spilling liquid, pouring more than needed, and overall causing more chaos than when he was just giving you instructions. Your grunts and groans were starting to gain the attention of the whole classroom, and by the time you were almost done, the bell rang.

The sound of your quill hitting your book was silenced by the footsteps of the other students exiting the classroom. They had finished their potions, and your table was literally the only one in the room that was still messy, with a mixture that looked too suspicious to be called a potion.

“I have been patient enough to let you two bicker the whole time, but for you to not finish making your potions,” Professor Snape said as he walked back to his desk, his cape almost floating behind him.

“Great, he’s gonna put us in detention,” you muttered to yourself.

“That is correct, Miss L/N,” Professor Snape continued. “Once you’re both done cleaning up your table, meet me in my office.”

The frown you wore on your face was so bad that anybody who saw you could easily tell that you were pissed, but between gathering the books and papers and wiping off spills with a cloth, you could have sworn you saw Jay smirking to himself.

---

As you placed a bucket of water in the middle of the Prefects’ bathroom, you sighed at the exhaustion that you felt despite not having even started your detention. You and Jay were both assigned to clean up the bathroom, which, despite only being restricted to use by the school Prefects, Head Boys, Head Girls, and Quidditch captains, was in an alarmingly grimy state.

You purposefully steered away from the side of the room with the toilet stalls and stood by the large, swimming pool-like tub sunken into the ground with bath taps surrounding it. The tub was drained, and you much preferred scrubbing it to cleaning all the toilets.

Jay was standing by the bath supplies on one side of the pool, staring at the different kinds of soap, bath oils, bath salts, shampoo, and conditioner. It took a while for him to realize you were glaring at him, basically waiting for him to start working already.

“Damn, it would be worth becoming a Prefect just to be able to use this bathroom,” Jay muttered, placing a small bottle of bath oil back in its place. “You must take baths all the time.”

You snorted, audible enough to make it echo throughout the whole room. “I don’t have time for baths.”

“Really? What a shame,” Jay sighed, rolling up his sleeves. “How long do you think it would take for us to finish?”

“If you keep using your mouth instead of your hands, probably a lot longer than I expect,” you replied without a pause, sounding annoyed.

Your snarky remarks did not bother Jay at all. In fact, it amused him, and the way he was laughing softly was not helping at all. He walked over to the stalls and finally began to work only minutes after you started.

“Today is really not your day, huh?” Jay’s voice echoed behind the stalls.

“Thanks to you, it’s not,” you answered, polishing one of the hundred golden bath taps that surrounded the tub.

“You know,” Jay started, only to pause to flush the toilet so he wouldn’t have to compete with the sound. “I have a feeling that you don’t like me.”

You rolled your eyes and moved your bucket to polish the other bath taps. Jay cleared his throat as he waited for your reply.

“Is it because I’m a Slytherin?” He asked. “I mean, it’s kinda unfair that just because I’m in this House, you automatically hate me—”

“I don’t hate you,” you finally responded. “Hate is a strong word.”

“Alright then,” Jay walked out of one stall and looked in your direction before entering the next stall. “So, what’s the story?”

You let out a heavy sigh and wrung out the cloth you were holding. It was a long story, you thought to yourself. You came from a family of Slytherins—both your parents and your older brother were—but since you were old enough to understand and remember things, you had always been the odd one out in your family. They would excel academically and go on to achieve things you never even dreamed of. Your interests were always different, and what got you far at school was thanks to your personality and smart work.

It was still a vivid memory to you, the moment you sat down and let the Sorting Hat analyze you. You thought you would hear a confident ‘Slytherin!’ from the Hat, but after a couple of seconds of deciding, it placed you in Gryffindor. Switching houses was never a thing, so you did what you could and made good friends, studied hard enough to make the professors notice you, and eventually, you earned the title of Prefect as you entered the fifth year.

Despite that, throughout the years in Hogwarts, you kept hearing and witnessing stories about Slytherins, how they always happen to achieve so much but at the same time are notoriously problematic. The house you once dreamed of being a part of quickly became one that you were relieved to be excluded from, but somehow, the longing remains.

Around your third year in Hogwarts, you began hearing chatter about Park Jongseong. He became popular, it seemed, after he was assigned to be the Keeper of Slytherin’s Quidditch team, and also after he had an insane glow-up. You then noticed that he was the quiet nerd who used to bury his nose in whatever book he was reading in a dark corner in the library, but since then, he had ditched his glasses and styled his luscious silver locks in a way that—

“Y/N, are you okay?”

Jay’s voice woke you up from your extensive daydreaming, and it made you realize you were polishing one bath tap for way too long.

“How long were you polishing that tap?” Jay asked, tilting his chin towards your hand.

His question spooked you, and you were beginning to think he might have heard your thoughts. You cleared your throat before moving to the next tap. “Not long, why?”

“Because I’m done with all the toilet stalls, and I noticed you haven’t moved an inch.”

Well, that’s embarrassing, you thought. How long exactly did you zone out for?

“Should I start cleaning the pool’s floor then?” He asked, fixing his folded sleeves before squatting down and then jumping into the empty pool.

“Sure,” you said, immediately picking up your pace and trying your best not to steal any more glances in his direction.

“Listen,” Jay began, both his hands firmly holding a mop. “You got really silent after I asked a question, so I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable. We can continue to work in silence if that’s what you prefer.”

You smiled as you moved on to the next tap. “It’s fine. I was just tired.”

You refocused on your own task, determined to leave the bathroom spotless, but after a moment, you noticed Jay moving oddly around the pool floor, dragging his mop in a way that was not normal. When you lifted your head to look at him, you saw that he was singing, no, lip-syncing a song and using the mop as a mic stand, completely immersed in his imagination but being considerate not to bother you with noise.

At this sight, you burst out laughing. Jay stood up straight and turned his heel to face you, looking surprised.

“Please,” you said after you contained yourself, “do continue.”

“Miss Prefect,” Jay sighed, “this bathroom is way too huge for only two of us to clean. Do you think we can sneak out and get our wands from Snape’s office?”

You shook your head. “The door is locked with a password.”

“But you’re Miss Prefect,” Jay said, matter-of-factly. “Don’t you know the password?”

“He literally changed it after leaving us here with these cleaning supplies, Jay. I don’t know the new password.”

Jay paused and for a moment you thought he was figuring out a way to escape, when in reality, his stomach just did a backflip from the way his name rolled off your tongue.

“So, what you’re saying is there is literally no way to get out of this bathroom unless we finish cleaning it?” Jay asked.

“That is the point of detention, yes,” you replied, shrugging.

Jay groaned and turned around, pushing his mop and reluctantly continuing to clean the pool floor. You were almost halfway done with polishing all the bath taps, and you sighed as you looked at all the mirrors waiting to be scrubbed clean too.

After a while, Jay finished scrubbing the floors, and you began to wonder if you should have taken his work instead since the bath taps seemed like a never-ending task to complete. He loosened the tie around his neck and undid the first few buttons on his shirt, making you quickly look away.

“Should I help you with the bath taps or start doing the mirrors?” Jay walked over to your side before pushing himself up the edge and then standing up, towering over you.

“Mirrors, please,” you answered, this time tilting your chin to point at the direction of the sinks.

“Really? Because you seem like you’re taking your sweet time polishing all those taps,” Jay said, tilting his head to one side.

You looked up at him and he had this teasing, lop-sided smirk. Meanwhile, the unintentional doe eyes you were giving him made him almost choke on his own saliva.

“Just do the mirrors, Jay.”

You saw him smile the second you finished your sentence, and when he turned his back to you, it somehow looked like his shoulders were happy. He stood in front of the sink and did a quick count on the number of mirrors he had to clean. You saw him start from the far left, where one of the mirrors was cracked on the edge.

“Be careful with that one. Ravenclaw’s Head Girl almost—”

“Fuck!”

You heard Jay groan as he stumbled a few steps back, wincing in pain and shaking his left hand.

“Jay,” you sighed, standing up and throwing the cloth you were holding to the floor. “I didn’t even finish my sentence.”

You walked up to him and stood before him with your hand out. He looked at you questionably before lifting his left hand for you to take a look.

“Is it bad?” He asked, slightly looking away. “I don’t like the sight of blood.”

“That explains a lot,” you muttered, placing your hand carefully over his. “Oh, my God.”

“What? What is it?” Jay asked, his right hand shaking in panic.

“Your fingers are so thick and stubby, like cocktail sausages.”

Jay snorted before pulling his hand away and you giggled.

“It’s just a scratch,” you said in an attempt to calm him down. “You can carry on.”

“Well, do you have something I can use to treat it?” Jay asked.

You were already sitting by the edge of the pool to continue with your polishing. “Do I look like a walking first aid kit to you? Just spit on it and move on.”

Jay looked at you, unsure of your advice. He then turned around and decided to wash his hands with soap. The suds obviously stung, so he was flinching and wincing quietly, but he could see you giggling silently from your reflection in the mirror in front of him.

“Do you really mean it?” Jay spoke, looking at you through the mirror.

“Mean what?”

“That I have stubby fingers,” Jay clarified.

You were unsure what to make of his tone. He sounded curious but also hurt, or maybe…

“So what if you do?” You asked back, not paying attention to him.

The strands of your hair were becoming loose and covering your eyes, and you were dying to fix the scrunchie on your ponytail, but both your hands were wet and occupied with polishing. You kept huffing and puffing and even attempting to move your hair using the movements of your shoulders until Jay sneaked up behind you and tapped you on your arm.

“Here, allow me,” Jay said calmly, tugging on your scrunchie.

You sat up straight and let him pull your scrunchie off, letting your hair cascade to your back. He began brushing your hair with his fingers before gently bunching it into a ponytail. He skillfully tied your hair up into a bun that was less messy than before. You were about to thank him, but he moved from behind you and jumped back into the empty pool, standing in front of you and tucking the loose strands of hair behind both your ears.

His fingers brushed against your ear, and for a moment, you were lost in his eyes. The next thing you felt was his hand behind your neck, pulling you closer as he stood in between your legs, his lips crashing against yours. You sighed as you let yourself be enveloped in his warmth—his tongue tugging yours, his lips devouring yours, his palms pushing against your back, and his breath mixing up with yours.

You felt his hand travel lower down your back, settling on your ass before he pushed you closer to him, earning a soft yelp from between your lips. His mouth detached from yours only to give you a sly smirk before he dove back into you. Your hands rested comfortably on his shoulders as you gave into his every move, and when you felt one of his hands grazing the exposed skin of your thigh from the gap between your skirt and your knee-high socks, you gasped.

“Wanna see what these fingers can do?” Jay asked, speaking right against your lips.

Your eyes searched for his before you nodded a little too eagerly. He chuckled before sliding his hand between your legs and under your skirt. His fingers easily found their place on your clothed cunt, and despite his gentle moves, you could not hold in your moans.

“Jay,” you whimpered, hands bunching up his shirt.

“Oh, I like it when you say my name like that,” he teased, leaving a wet peck on your chin. “Can you say it again?”

He pressed his thumb on your clit before sliding it down your folds, and he could already tell that you were soaked. You were biting your lip, and he chuckled, bringing the same hand that was caressing you up and towards your chin.

“Come on, now,” Jay cooed. “Prefects are usually good students. You’re a good girl, aren’t you?”

His thumb slid upon your bottom lip, and you could almost sniff the scent of your own arousal. You were trembling at this point, desperate to feel more of him, so all you could give as a response was a nod.

“Say my name.”

“Jay—”

Your voice was muffled as he slid in a finger when you opened your mouth. You instinctively sucked on it before he entered another one, and then he hurriedly placed his hand back between your legs, pushing your panties to the side before easily sliding those two fingers inside of you.

“Jay!” You moaned loudly, spreading your legs wider so he could do whatever he wanted to do to you comfortably. Your fingers reached for the back of his head, pulling on his silver locks before you pushed his head to your neck. He began licking the soft skin under your chin before placing wet kisses down your neck. With one hand, you unbuttoned your top and pulled your collar open, giving him more access to your skin. He sucked on your collarbone softly and, at the same time, curled his fingers inside of you.

You repeatedly moaned into his ear, and at some point, you thought you sounded way too pathetic, but the way Jay was thrusting his fingers in and out of you and the way the squelching sound was echoing throughout the whole bathroom made you believe that the sounds you were making were actually quite tame.

“Jay,” you sighed. “Oh, my God.”

Jay lifted his head from your neck and flashed you a proud smirk before leaning in to kiss you again. You whined at the contact, and as your hands found his face, you began to caress him, pull him, and do whatever was necessary to send the message that you wanted him bad.

You felt the increasing pace of his fingers between your legs, and you began to feel the ache in your ass for sitting on the edge of the pool for too long. Jay pressed his thumb on your clit, and you threw your head back in pleasure, grabbing onto his biceps for support. When your moans started to sound higher and more in sync with the movements of his fingers, Jay leaned in and pressed his cheek onto yours before speaking right into your ear.

“Cum for me, will you?”

The deep tone and gentle vibration of his voice sent shivers down your spine, and with that, you finally reached your high. Your legs were shaking, and to soothe you, Jay began kissing your cheek softly. He kept kissing you and moving towards your lips, giving you a long peck before moving down to your chin and neck. He kissed the parts of your skin that were beginning to turn purple, and once he heard your leveled breathing, he pulled away to take a good look at you.

“Good girl,” he said right to your face.

You playfully, and very gently, slapped his face. He let out a wholehearted chuckle before pulling his hand from between your legs. Just seconds later, you heard the sound of footsteps approaching the bathroom door. Your eyes widened, and Jay quickly registered the situation. He fixed your collar for you to button up before he sprinted back to the mirror he was supposed to be polishing while you frantically searched for the abandoned cloth that you had been using the whole time.

“Why am I not surprised that you haven’t finished cleaning the bathroom?” Professor Snape stated after scanning the area. “It’s almost curfew, so wrap up and continue cleaning tomorrow. I’ll consider your detention done once this place is spotless.”

You stood up and observed as Professor Snape reached into the pocket in his robe and took out your wands. After he handed them over to you and Jay, he turned around without further question and left the bathroom. Jay looked at you, and you sighed in relief, almost collapsing to the floor because of your weak knees, if not for Jay holding you up by your elbows.

“That was too damn close,” you commented, standing uncomfortably since your panties were not fixed the right way.

“I’d say it was exciting,” Jay said, leaning into you and sniffing your neck.

“Jay, stop it,” you said, placing your palm firmly on his chest.

“That’s not what you wanted me to do when I had these stubby fingers inside you,” he teased, raising his hand and wriggling his fingers in front of your face.

You smacked his hand away, and he cackled, almost making the room shake from the echo.

“We still need to come back tomorrow and whose fault is that?” You asked, your back turned to him as you were tidying up the supplies.

“Fault?” Jay tilted his head. “No, favor. You’re missing the point. We get to come back here tomorrow.”

You stood up straight before turning to face Jay. He boldly took a couple of steps towards you, closing the distance and pulling you by your waist to press your body against his.

“Are you honestly telling me you’re not looking forward to it?”

With Jay’s arm firmly around your waist, the heat of his body against yours, his eyes boring into yours, and his silver hair messy from the way you were pulling on it earlier, there was no way you could lie to his face.

“Okay, I am looking forward to it,” you said after gaining enough courage. “Maybe instead of your stubby fingers, you can show me something else.”

Jay’s eyes twinkled at your daring tone, and you both chuckled before letting each other go, nagging at him as he collected your supplies while shamelessly ogling your body.

-END-

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egcdeath · 1 year

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the l word

pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: the five times you realized that you loved joel, and the first time one of you says it.

word count: 9.1k

warnings: canon divergent, no apocalypse, 5+1 fic, hurt/comfort, a certain someone gets punched, brief mention of postpartum depression & abandonment, really brief mention of physical abuse in 3, fluff, domestic fluff, angst with a happy ending, found family

author’s note: happy very early valentine’s day! this is part three of the soccer parents au, you can read spectator sport (p1) and clean sheet (p2) here!

this fic would not be possible if it were not for the help of @freakinfairykind, who sent me the idea for scene 3 and listened to my thought vomit whenever i hit a roadblock! you can thank them for the brilliance that is what occurs in that scene :)! enjoy!

part four / series masterlist

Zero

After Nathan, you were sure that you would never fall in love again. Love was supposed to be beautiful and soft—a random bouquet of flowers, having a whole conversation with just your eyes, sweet messages sent to you when you expected it least and needed it most, and foot massages after a long day. For you, love had been nothing of the sort—settling for mediocrity, spitting out venomous words during arguments, and biting back tears on forgotten anniversaries.

Love wasn’t kind or patient, or rainbows and flowers. Love was a storm cloud that followed you around when you were around him, pouring sadness and anger on you and striking you with lightning bolts of resentment.

Maybe some people just simply weren’t meant for love. Maybe you were one of them.

One

After years of trying to hold together a failing marriage and hide the myriad of painful feelings you were going through for the sake of your daughter, bottling up your feelings had become your preferred coping mechanism to everyday stressors.

For the most part, it worked for you. Sure, some days were harder than others, and the smallest confrontation or blip in the day would send you spiraling; but more often than not, you were able to compartmentalize whatever was bothering you and save it for a rainy day.

That was part of what worked so well about the relationship you had with Joel during the soccer season—you had the opportunity to unscrew the lid of the shaken bottle of your feelings just a little bit, taking some of the edge off by yelling about completely inconsequential things. But now, you don't have that outlet. And today was one of those days that you desperately needed it.

Nathan had come by to pick up Chloe just a bit ago, and it was very obvious that she hadn’t exactly wanted to spend her weekend with him. Some of her friends were going to the mall and having a sleepover, and because Nathan wasn’t particularly fond of their parents, he’d very openly told her no. She begged and pleaded to stay with you (mainly so she could go hang out with her friends), which of course broke your heart a little bit, but also led to a pretty dramatic outburst from your daughter to Nathan when he’d picked her up.

“You’re raising a spoiled little brat,” he hissed at you, pointing an accusatory finger once Chloe was in the car.

“At least I’m raising her. You only show up when it’s convenient for you,” you shot back. If Nathan wanted to stoop low, you could fall to his level. “Put your finger down. She’s watching us.”

“A little argument won’t hurt her,” he scoffed. “See? You’re proving my point: you spoil her too much.”

“Because years of watching her parents bicker wasn’t traumatic enough? Get in the fucking car, Nathan.”

He huffed, looking back at the car, then over at you. “Fine. But before I go, I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking poorly about me in front of her. Clearly she’s listening to you and acting out because of it.”

“Have you considered that you’re just a shit father and maybe that’s why she doesn’t like you?” you were already making your way back inside, feeling the avalanche of emotions beginning to stir inside of you, and a little frightened of what might come out next.

“You’re still such a bitch. Every day I praise every deity that’s out there that I left your sorry ass.”

You were viciously fighting the urge to get the last word in, knowing that whatever would come out next wouldn’t be good, and you certainly didn’t want Chloe seeing you like that. You left him with a sarcastic thumbs up, then slammed your front door, taking deep breaths to attempt to calm yourself down.

You crumbled down in front of the door, still maintaining slow and deep breaths. It was no big deal. Nathan just says stuff like that to stir the pot. You just needed to find something to take your mind off of everything. Your mind went to the scarf you’d been working on crocheting, something you could mindlessly do for a little while while you cooled off.

The scarf was going well. You were calmly crocheting the evening away when you checked your phone to find a few apologetic messages from your coworkers. Feeling confused, you went on to check your email, only to find that the promotion you’d spent the last few months of your life slaving away for had been given to someone else—someone who had worked half as hard as you, and even took credit for a few of your projects.

Your hands shook as you set down your phone and attempted to pick back up the crochet hook. You were fine, right? Sometimes these things just happen. Sometimes you sacrifice hours of your free time, hours of time you’ll never get back with your child, or significant other, hours you’ll never get back of sleep, hours of-

You cut your mind off, tossing aside the scarf and taking a deep breath. You were gonna be okay. This just meant you could take your foot off the gas going forward, since your work, effort, and time clearly was not being valued. Maybe you would just sit at your desk and play games, then slap your name on projects and presentations like Naomi. Maybe you’d just-

Your phone began to vibrate on your bed and your immediate reaction was to silence it, but upon checking the contact name, you became slightly more inclined to answer.

“Hey! I almost thought you weren’t gonna pick up,” the man on the other end chuckled.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, although you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle anything else today. With how your day was going, Joel was probably calling you to break up.

“Better than okay. We finished up early, and Sarah’s already at her friend’s. You in the mood for some company?”

No, not particularly. In fact, if Joel came over, you’d probably end up going off on him over something you don’t really mean, successfully putting an end to the best thing you’ve had in a while.

“Uh,” your voice cracked, and a rogue tear slipped down your face. You didn’t even know that you were on the brink of tears. “I’m sorry,” you uttered, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes.

“Sorry for what? You don’t have to feel bad for not wanting me over,” he said genuinely, not picking up on your emotional state over the phone.

“No, I do want you over,” you whimpered. “I just… I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“What? I promise you I’m not going anywhere. Well, I’m going home now, but I can also come to your place if you want me to.”

“Please,” you grit out.

“You okay?” he asked, finally catching on to the fact that something was very off with you.

“I don’t know,” you confessed.

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“No.”

“You sure you want me to come over?”

“Yeah,” you sniffled, desperately trying to fend off your tears.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Bye,” you hung up, burrowing yourself under layers of blankets and curling up onto your side. Maybe this tidal wave of emotions would pass by the time Joel got to your place. You closed your eyes as you took deep, shaky breaths, wiping away stray tears every now and then as they fell. You could pull yourself together.

You kept telling yourself this as you dragged yourself out of bed to answer the door, but the moment you saw Joel with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers, you completely lost it. He immediately tossed the items down and pulled you into a tight embrace, not exactly knowing what was wrong, but instinctually wanting to comfort you regardless.

You didn’t even really know what it was either. Sure, you were pissed that you’d lost the promotion, and even more upset that Nathan had called your daughter a name while insulting your parenting skills, but it was far more than that. It was every little thing from the past two months that had upset you in some capacity that you had decided to push as far down as possible.

You sobbed until your throat was raw and your eyes grew sore from crying so much. The whole time Joel wordlessly held you, rubbing soothing circles into your back and swaying you back and forth just the slightest bit. You almost felt like your tears would never stop, and the more you willed yourself to pull it together, the harder it was to do so.

Finally, you pulled away, head hanging with humiliation by the emotions abruptly pouring out of you. You truly felt like a live wire. You should’ve just told Joel not to come over.

“Want me to run you a bath?” he asked softly, tilting your chin up so he could look at you, and rubbing a thumb over your cheek. “Or is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“A bath is good,” you said quietly, averting your gaze. You almost felt like a toddler in the midst of a tantrum. The shame of being a grown woman who couldn’t even control her emotions was overwhelming, but Joel didn’t seem to mind much at all. He simply led you up to your bathroom and quietly filled the tub for you, checking it every now and then to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Once the tub was filled up, he helped you undress, then held your hand as you stepped into the tub.

“Would you like me to stay?” Joel asked as you settled into the tub.

“Not really,” you admitted.

“Okay. Just yell for me if you need anything. I’ll be downstairs.”

Somehow, the bath was everything you needed. It was just warm enough to relax your rather tense muscles, and just quiet enough to allow you to actually process your thoughts. You sat and soaked in the bath for a while, just inhaling the scent of lavender, and trying your best to let go of the feelings that you’d been holding onto for so long.

Eventually, you felt ready to talk about things, and called out Joel’s name, who after a moment, showed up in your bathroom and sat down on a towel next to the tub.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching for your pruny hand.

“Better,” you answered as you laced your fingers with his.

“Well, I’m here when you feel ready to talk about it. And if you don’t feel ready to talk about it, that’s okay too.”

“Okay,” you said quietly. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, the apology being more of a force of habit.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Joel assured, “we all feel our feelings sometimes,” he pushed away a bit of hair that had fallen into your face.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this, I guess,” you continued. It had been a while since you’d shown any negative emotions in front of anyone, let alone a significant other. In fact, the last time you’d been sad in front of a significant other, you’d been laughed at and mocked. You’d been conditioned to see your own vulnerability as weakness, as a character flaw you needed to apologize for.

“Like what? Naked?” he teased, trying to at least make you smile when you’d clearly been feeling so down. “You know I don’t mind that at all. Seriously, though. There’s nothing wrong with being upset, and there’s nothing wrong with being upset in front of the people you care about.”

A tear slipped down your cheek. It had been so long since anyone had made you feel like you weren’t a burden for having a rough day. Joel gently brushed away your tears with his thumb, and kissed your forehead.

“Thank you,” you muttered, feeling all sorts of feelings, particularly one feeling you couldn’t quite describe that had been lying dormant for years of your life.

You eventually got out of the tub once the water had become too cold and you had become

somewhat of a human prune, and you found yourself curled up in bed with Joel, wearing a flannel that he’d left behind the last time he was over.

“Feeling any better?” he asked once again, gently rubbing your back as a trashy reality TV show played quietly in the background.

“Yeah,” you mumbled as you looked up at the ceiling, “it’s been a rough few months.”

“Months?” Joel asked, scooting closer to you. “What’s been happening?”

“Too much to get into,” you sighed. “I guess it just all came out now.”

Joel turned down the volume of the TV, and turned his body so that he could face you properly. “If you want to talk, we have the time. I may or may not have drank a coffee on my way over here, so I’ll be completely alert for the next few hours.”

He gently grabbed your hand and squeezed it, a little reminder that he was here for you.

“Today’s just been… bad. When Nathan picked Chloe up, she was upset so he called her a spoiled brat and said that it was my fault that she was one. Obviously I do a lot for her, and I know that I’m a good mom, but sometimes the way he talks about her scares me a little. I don’t want her to have self-esteem issues because her dad likes to name-call. I mean, she’s probably gonna have enough issues from our shitty relationship and messy divorce. That really upset me, but that definitely wasn’t the last straw or anything.”

Joel silently sat and listened, holding your hand and listening attentively.

“I lost the promotion, Joel. You know, the one I’ve been working absurd hours for? But it’s not just that, it’s just… there are months of emotions I haven’t had a chance to process. I guess it just all came out now after that.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “Nathan is an asshole. He shouldn’t be saying that kind of thing about his child just to make you feel bad. And your boss is stupid for not giving you that position when you’ve clearly earned it. Everything you’ve felt today is valid, but so is everything else that you’ve been holding in for the past… however long. It’s okay to feel your feelings in the moment instead of waiting for them to boil over.”

“I guess, it’s just… I don’t know. I’ve had to be strong for so long. I don’t know if I know how to not wait for my emotions to boil over.”

“Well, you don’t have to be so strong anymore. You’re not alone,” he assured you. “If you ever need me to watch Chloe because you need to go out to the middle of nowhere and scream, or just need someone to talk your feelings out with, I am more than happy to do so. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed, setting your head on Joel’s chest.

You were getting that weird, dormant feeling in you once again. There was an odd warmth in your chest and butterflies in your stomach, that felt strange and familiar, but most of all, exciting. You had no idea what was going on, or what that feeling was, but you did know that you didn’t want it to stop anytime soon.

And honestly, it didn’t seem like it would.

Two

Walking into Joel’s home to the sound of soft guitar chords made you feel a bit like you had woken up in a dream, or died and gone to heaven. It wasn’t often that you’d heard him play guitar. Sing? Sure! He loved to sing along to a song he liked on the radio, or do karaoke with you and the kids. But playing guitar was something that he seemed to like to keep to himself.

Joel had picked Chloe up from school, as you had an important work event that you’d anticipated going quite late, and as you’d predicted, it was nearly midnight by the time you got to Joel’s place. It was rare for you to see those two alone, without yours or Sarah’s presence, but you’d assumed the latter had gone to bed due to how late it was and the fact that they had school in the morning.

So hearing Joel play for your daughter felt… weird. But a good weird. Like he trusted her enough to be doing something that he often kept under wraps, even for you.

“I love this song!” you heard your daughter exclaim from the living room. You rounded a corner, not quite ready to appear yet, but curious enough to eavesdrop on the scene.

Joel chuckled at her reaction, “should we sing it together?”

“Maybe, I’m not very good, though.”

“I doubt that,” Joel said, continuing to play the introduction to the song on a loop.

“I… fine, I’ll sing.”

The two of them began to sing along to the song, and you could’ve sworn that your heart did an actual flip as you listened. There was something very sweet about the whole scene, of Joel playing a song your daughter loved, of him assuring her that she was good enough, and singing something together.

You should’ve felt bad for listening in on the scene, for invading on a moment that was clearly meant to be private, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to feel that way when your heart was so filled with… something that you couldn’t quite place.

The song came to a soft conclusion, and you figured there was no better time to finally step out from behind the wall than then.

“You guys sounded so good!” you stated as you entered the room.

“Oh hi,” Joel greeted a little awkwardly, looking down at his guitar as if he’d been caught red handed.

“Mom!” Chloe exclaimed, coming over to you and hugging you. “I missed you.”

“We were just killing time while we waited for you to get home. How was work?”

“Eh,” you shrugged, sitting down across from Joel as Chloe curled up next to you. “It was work.”

“Mom, did you know that Joel sings and plays guitar? He’s really good!”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” you acted surprised for your child, but looked mischievously at your partner. It wasn’t often that you had the chance to get Joel to play you something, and you refused to let the opportunity slip away from you. “Can you play me something?”

“He can!” Chloe accepted the offer before Joel could begin to protest. God, was this child your mini-you. “Go ahead, Joel.”

He looked to you as if he needed some sort of excuse to not do it, or encouragement to play (more likely than not, he was looking for an out), but you simply shrugged, far too enthused at the idea of him playing guitar for you.

Just as the man sighed and began to put his fingers to the string, Sarah came down the stairs and plopped herself right next to you.

“You guys are loud,” she stated, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Sorry for waking you up,” you apologized. “You were just about to miss your dad’s concert!”

“Oh good,” Sarah giggled, getting all comfortable next to you as she pulled a blanket over her lap.

“I feel like this is a premeditated attack,” Joel held onto his guitar.

“It’s definitely not. We just want you to share your gift with the world!”

“Alright, fine. Only because I like you guys so much.”

The three of you cheered from the couch as Joel began to play again, the soft acoustic notes of a love song you’d heard a few times before. As Joel played and sang, he looked straight at you, and you couldn’t help but feel like the lyrics were coming straight from his heart to you.

That warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest that you’d become more and more familiar with over the course of your relationship began to reappear as you sat there, the moment a snapshot of the perfect domestic bliss that had become your home life. As you sat with your two favorite children in the world, and your favorite man, you realized that you’d never felt more content in your life.

Three

When you agreed to come to a bar with Joel, you hadn’t expected it to be a quaint little hole-in-the-wall with great live music.

The atmosphere was lively, the drinks were dangerously sweet, and best of all, it was cute watching Joel in his element. Part of you wondered if he ever saw himself up on the stage, playing for a little audience. Although, he was so bashful and shy playing in front of you and the girls that you wondered if he would like it at all.

You finished off your first drink rather quickly, but you were feeling up for another, and prepared to head back to the bar. “Do you want another drink?” you asked Joel over the loud music.

“I’m alright. Thank you, though,” he kissed your cheek, then looked back up at the stage, directing all of his focus there once more.

You made your way back to the bar, where you ordered another fruity drink for yourself and patiently waited for it to be made, humming along to the cover being sung on stage.

Being able to find out more about what Joel liked to spend his time doing was (unsurprisingly) quite nice. While he was vulnerable with his emotions, he was often a little more closed off when it came to sharing his hobbies and interests. You wondered how many of these live shows and open mics he was familiar with, how many local artists he was friends with. Would he ever feel comfortable enough around you to share those things with you? Well, you certainly hoped so.

You looked around with a small smile on your face at the thought of learning more about your partner’s interests. Had he ever been the one up on stage? Maybe before Sarah was born and he was launched straight into the time consuming world of fatherhood. Although, he surely would’ve shared that with you by now.

You were drawn out of thought when eyes landed on a head of hair that looked a little too familiar for your liking.

No.

There was no way.

This bar was definitely not his scene. In fact, if you’d suggested this bar, he would’ve laughed in your face and called you a hipster, before dragging you out to some stuffy restaurant where he’d complain about the portion size of both his meal and the bill.

Your mind was just playing a mean trick on you. You’d had a somewhat stressful week, and sometimes drinking made you the slightest bit paranoid. Besides, it was just someone’s hair. Literally anyone could have that hair color, or hair cut, and although the world was small, it wasn’t that small.

Just as you began to fall headfirst into your nerves, the bartender handed you your drink, and you walked back to Joel, head still in the clouds.

You couldn’t shake that off feeling, even as Joel danced around with you and stole a sip of your drink, both actions bringing a smile to your face, but not quite quelling the growing discomfort in your stomach.

You just needed to go clear your mind and freshen up. At least, that’s what you told yourself before telling Joel to keep your drink safe and power walking to the bathroom.

You stood at the sink, splashing your face with water as cold as the faucets would go. Nathan was not here. You needed to just relax, and enjoy the fun date that Joel had planned. You couldn’t keep letting this man ruin your experiences, even when he wasn’t present.

“You okay, hun?” a voice asked you while your head was bowed over the sink. When you looked up, your eyes nearly popped out of your head, as if you were some ridiculous cartoon character.

Well. Your brain must’ve really been fucking with you today. Or the Universe just really hated you.

Claire, Nathan’s new girlfriend, was asking you if you were alright in the bathroom of a bar that your new boyfriend had suggested.

You were completely unsure of whether she knew who you were or not, although she seemed tipsy enough not to care.

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled awkwardly at her. “But, uh, my mascara’s a little smudged. Any chance you have a makeup wipe?”

“Yeah!” she said, digging into her purse to check for the item.

You’d never met Claire before, but as far as first impressions went, this one wasn’t too bad. She offered you the wipe, then stood next to you as you dabbed at your under eye.

“You meet anyone fun tonight?” she asked, beginning to touch up her own makeup.

“No, I’m actually here with my partner. He really likes the music,” you said casually, dabbing at the same spot so you could at least attempt to maintain your composure in an otherwise dramatically ironic and tense situation.

“Oh no. Was he the one making you cry?”

“Cry? No! I was sweating. We were dancing,” suddenly, a slightly perverse question crossed your mind. “Does your partner make you cry a lot?”

“How do you even know I have one?” she giggled, sounding less accusatory and more confused.

“I don’t I just-“

“No, not really,” she shrugged as she reapplied her lip liner. “He mostly just buys me shit and spoils me. What would I have to cry about? He’s a really good guy.”

Oh, you remembered that phase. Well, phases. The time after he’d slapped you during an argument immediately came to mind. Nathan could probably teach a seminar on love bombing, then making you feel guilty for having any negative feelings because of all the money he’d spent on you.

“That’s good,” you nodded, tossing the used wipe in the trash and making your way to the door. “Thanks for checking in on me and helping me. Have a good night.”

“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” she asked as your hand hit the door.

“No,” you replied promptly, maybe slamming the door behind you a little too hard.

This was a lot to process, and a lot to take in. Despite having a fun time with Joel, you really just wanted to go home. Finding your way back out to him, you silently accepted back your drink and stood besides him stiffly.

“You okay?” he asked, gently grabbing your arm.

“Fine, just… just.. I have an upset stomach,” you explained. You were never a good liar, the concern in Joel’s eyes told you that you hadn’t suddenly become one.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he said, rubbing your forearm gently. “Let’s go home, okay?”

You certainly didn’t protest as he began to lead you out of the bar, and you let out a sigh of relief at being able to leave before running into anyone else you knew.

Although, life was never that simple, was it?

As you approached the door, a familiar voice called out your name, sending a chill up your spine. Joel’s head whipped around from where it was coming from, and scowled when he saw who the voice belonged to. Ignoring him, the two of you continued your departure, a newfound urgency in both of your steps.

Once you were outside, you felt yourself puff out a sigh of relief. You’d managed to get out of the bar with only a brief conversation with Claire, and no direct interaction with Nathan. Now, if you could only get home, curl up with Joel on the couch, and tell him the absurd story of how you’d bumped into your ex’s new girlfriend in the bathroom.

But the universe clearly wasn’t letting you off the hook just yet.

“Hey!” Nathan called as he stepped out of the bar, Claire trailing just a few paces behind him. “You’re such a fuckin’ bitch. Can’t even say hi to the father of your child.”

You were almost alarmed by the speed in which Joel marched over to your ex and reprimanded him. Not even wasting a moment, Joel shoved him back—a warning of sorts, with your knowledge that he was certainly holding himself back.

“Leave her the fuck alone,” he barked. It was like no tone you’d ever heard him use before, not when he was upset with anyone, and not even when he was yelling at a referee for a bad call.

“And who the fuck are you?” your ex shot back.

“Does it really matter?” Joel pressed, not backing down despite the slightly shorter man getting in his face. “You’re not gonna go around trying to degrade women.”

“Oh yeah? You gonna stop me, Mr. Nice guy?” Nathan pushed Joel, but your partner barely budged.

“You fuckin’ cuck,” Nathan muttered. “Why do you even care about this whore?”

Nathan took a second to think about it, glancing between the two of you before a light seemed to go off in his little brain.

“Oh, I know. You’re that guy from the soccer games. You two together now?" His condescension was almost jarring to hear, and part of you worried about what your clearly inebriated ex might say or do next. “I see you’re still the community cumrag,” he directed at you.

You hardly had a moment to process what was just said before Joel was swinging, clearly seeing red as he threw a hefty right hook at your ex, leaving a nasty crunching sound as he fell to the ground.

“Don’t talk about her, or any other fucking woman like that ever again,” he squatted down to his level, and grabbed both of his cheeks. “Leave her the fuck alone, you understand me? Or next time you’re gonna wish it was just your nose.”

Nathan cradled his bloody nose and whimpered and Joel walked back to you, the fury on his face melting into something apologetic as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he began, cautiously approaching you as if he was something to be afraid of. “I shouldn’t have done that. I overstepped-“

“Joel. Don’t apologize. Do you know how much that asshole deserved it? You did everyone a favor tonight, but especially me.”

You had never had someone defend you so literally before. Sure, your friends had argued with Nathan a few times on your behalf, but punching Nathan in the face had truly raised your expectations for anyone who claimed to be doing anything to help you. You don’t think you’d have felt this alive or cherished in years.

“Now let’s get you home and ice those knuckles.”

Four

You were usually a big fan of rainy days. The sound of rain pattering against the window or on the roof of your car, and the smell of petrichor on the pavement were sensations you wished you could experience all the time. But today, you weren’t quite so pleased to see the rain.

You’d taken the day off to spend it with Joel, who had specifically asked for you to take some time off to be with him. You couldn’t blame him, as you’d been slightly neglecting him after things picked up once again at work. You’d had a whole outdoorsy day planned, with a morning hike, a visit to a conservatory, and a picnic at one of your favorite local parks. Unfortunately, none of those activities could be done comfortably in the pouring rain.

Instead, you opted to come back to your place after you dropped your kids off at school, and have a domestic little day-in.

After putting some homemade cinnamon rolls into the oven, the two of you found yourselves on your couch, comfortably sitting together and reading your own books while the smell of warm cinnamon filled your house.

Occasionally, you glanced out your window, the scene of rain granting you a sense of serenity. At one point, you noticed Joel’s gaze out the window as well, and you couldn’t help but comment on it.

“Don’t you just love the rain?” you asked, setting your book down on your coffee table. It was more of an excuse to break the silence than an actual comment, but you said it regardless.

“It’s nice,” he agreed, his tone oddly somber for a comment on the rain.

“You okay, big guy?” you asked before moving closer to Joel.

“I’m alright,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. There wasn’t any real concrete evidence that something was off, but something inside you told you that something definitely was off.

“You sure?” you asked, squeezing his bicep.

“Yeah, it’s just,” he paused, looking down at his book as if he was about to go right back to reading instead of telling you the issue. After a moment of hesitation, he spoke once more, “it’s the anniversary of Diane leaving.”

Oh. So that’s why he’d asked to be with you today.

You’d never heard Joel say her name before. Sure, you’d seen her name written under a polaroid or two, but you’d never heard Joel reference her ever. Now that you thought about it, you didn’t really know what their deal was. Amicable exes? Divorcees? Was Joel a widower? You felt awful that you’d gone this far into a relationship and still didn’t know anything about his last significant one.

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, not completely sure how to react. You mainly wanted to get a gauge on Joel’s reaction–just how upset was he? Did he want to talk about it? Or just get the importance of the day out in the open?

“It’s just… Today feels like that day in a lot of ways.”

You nodded slowly, still not exactly sure of how to approach the situation. You thought back to all of the times he’d been there to support you when you were having a rough day, and ended up asking aloud, “is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Maybe just listening, if that’s okay. It helps to talk about it,” he paused. “The rolls smell done. I’ll go get them,” with that, he was off to the kitchen, barely giving you time to react, or even protest his departure.

He clearly wanted to talk, but just wasn’t completely ready to do so at that moment. You could listen. You could be the best damn listener on the planet if that was what Joel needed from you. No matter what he revealed to you today, you were determined to make Joel feel comfortable, and know that whatever he was going through, he wasn’t alone—just as he’d shown you in the past.

By the time he came back to the living room, Joel offered you a plate with an iced cinnamon roll and acted like everything was normal. He sat back down next to you, stole a bite from your plate, then buried his nose right back into his novel.

You respected his right to process his emotions in any way he saw fit. All you could do was be a good partner, and offer whatever he needed from you to feel better, like he’d done for you so many times before.

While you were fine with spending your day cuddled up on the sofa and reading, you were also aware that there were a good amount of house chores that were calling your name. Upon mentioning these tasks, Joel insisted on helping out, which was how you two landed in the laundry room, laughing at something stupid that had happened to you this week.

While you loaded light clothes into your washer, Joel suddenly caught you off guard with a question that was a far cry from the banter you’d just been having only moments before.

“Is it… are you okay with me talking about it?”

By it you could only assume he meant the giant elephant of a woman in the room.

“Of course,” you turned to him, offering sympathetic eyes.

“She left just a few months after Sarah was born,” Joel busied himself by pouring out laundry detergent and fabric softeners. “I just woke up one morning to an empty bed and a note in the kitchen saying she was leaving, she wasn’t coming back, and not to look for her.”

You were taken aback by the cruelty of such an abrupt ending, especially with such a young infant. You couldn’t imagine being put in those circumstances so unexpectedly.

Joel casually poured the respective liquids into their proper places in the machine, then turned it on. “It was a day just like this. The nursery had a nice, big window that we put a rocking chair in front of. Sarah liked looking at the stars when she was younger, it always helped to calm her down. I remember holding her in that chair and bawling my eyes out while she cried too, and with all the rain against the window… it felt like the Earth was crying right along with us.”

You weren’t sure what to say or how to react, but it seemed like Joel was prepared to move right on, quickly changing the subject as he led you out of the laundry room.

Baking cinnamon rolls had left a lot of dishes in the sink, but luckily for you, you had an extra set of hands to help you out. Joel was on rinsing duty, and you were on loading.

You quickly found your rhythm, as you often did with partnered tasks. You worked quietly while loading the dishes, letting the music from your speaker fill up the silence, but it was obvious Joel was lost in thought.

Eventually, he quietly began to speak again, “I kept trying to make sense of her leaving. I knew that postpartum depression hit her really hard, and that she was barely sleeping at night because of how often Sarah was crying. Sarah was a really sensitive, fussy baby. She’d told me how she’d felt a few times, and I always kinda thought things would just pass. Every new parent hits that roadbump where they just can’t see themselves doing this thing forever, right? Then, she just left. I thought maybe she just needed a few days away, and that she’d be back. But days went by, then weeks, then it had been a month, and it was still just Sarah and I.”

“Did she ever come back around?” you asked, setting down the last dish into the sink, then closing the machine.

“Never heard from her again.”

You closed the distance between you and the man, wrapping him in as tight of a hug that you could manage.

“I’m so sorry,” you muttered into his shirt as he melted into your embrace. “I can’t even imagine how painful and stressful that was.”

As a mother, you couldn’t imagine abandoning your child; the tiny human being you spent nine months carrying, and would spend a lifetime loving. But as a human, you understood the stress of being the parent of a newborn. Waking up every few hours because your baby is crying and you’ve tried everything to get her to stop but she just… won’t. Paired with postpartum depression, which you were no stranger to, you could understand the circumstances that led Diane to feeling like she had no other option but to leave. But that didn’t, in any way, make it the right thing to do.

As you held Joel, a sound you hadn’t ever heard from him escaped his lips, wracking his body. A guttural cry that had clearly been trapped deep inside of him for the longest time had suddenly escaped as he recalled an event that had clearly changed his life.

You stood in the kitchen holding him for what felt like forever, when he finally pulled away, wiping his face a little bit.

“Thank you,” was all that he managed to get out.

You laid next to him in bed after a rather emotionally loaded session of lovemaking, trying to catch your breath as the two of you recovered from the underlying emotional and physical aftermath of your fornication. As Joel spooned you, a question lingered on your mind.

“Do you still love her?” you asked, keeping your eyes forward on the wall. You wanted to say you were sure he had moved on, but these types of situations were rather nuanced. There were just some bonds that regardless of time or circumstances, people continued to hold on to.

“No,” he answered clearly. “I don’t hate her, either. I guess I just understand her. But that doesn’t make what she put me or Sarah through any better.”

You slipped your hand down to where his were currently laying on your stomach, and you set one on top of his.

“I’m not jealous, I’m just curious. Do you ever miss her?”

“I used to,” he sighed, the close breath blowing some hairs on your neck. “I don’t anymore.”

Eventually, your laundry was dry, meaning you two needed to get out of bed and get to folding.

“She has a new family, now,” he said out of the blue, as he folded up a pair of your pajama pants. “Husband, kids, dog, the full nine yards. Tommy found her Facebook a few years ago, but I still haven’t looked. I don’t really know why.”

You didn’t really know why either, but you knew exactly the feeling he was experiencing. Seeing your ex who you’d invested so much into and had a child with move on with someone was a particularly gut wrenching feeling. You could only imagine how much worse it was in Joel’s scenario, where Diane had abandoned him and their child, yet had a child and built another family elsewhere.

“Does Sarah know?” you asked, putting a blouse onto a hanger.

“Bits and pieces. She kinda just accepted that her mom’s not in the picture, but doesn’t know why she left or anything about her mom’s new family,” Joel finished up with his basket, then began to help you with yours. “Maybe when she’s older. Old enough to understand that it isn’t her fault and that these things just… happen sometimes.”

“I guess,” you frowned as you grabbed your last article of clothing and hung it up. “It shouldn’t have happened, though. Neither of you deserved to be abandoned.”

“It was gonna happen one way or another,” Joel shrugged, putting your baskets away. “Our relationship had been on the rocks even before Diane became pregnant. If it wasn’t then, it would be later. I’m just glad it happened early enough that Sarah doesn’t remember. You in the mood for a coffee?”

His words gave you a bit of whiplash, but you accepted the offer of a warm drink regardless.

You sat at your table, stirring your drink as Joel sat down across from you.

“Good, right?” he asked. “I think I’ve officially nailed the way you like your coffee.”

“It’s pretty good,” you admitted, taking a sip from a mug that Chloe had decorated in her school’s art class.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Good. It is one,” you hummed.

It was clear that his mood was slightly improving the more that he talked about his experience. You wondered just how much of this information he’d shared with anyone else before you, as he told the story as if he were confessing something for the first time ever.

“I’ve never told anyone this much about it,” he confessed. “I’m glad that of all the people I could’ve told, it ended up being you.”

“Joel, I,” the words popped into your head, but died on your tongue. “I care about you so much. I know this can’t be easy to talk about, so thank you for sharing this with me,” you squeezed his hands across the table.

“Thank you for being so supportive. I also care about you a lot. So much that it scares me. Especially knowing that you could lose everything in a literal night,” he admitted.

“Oh Joel,” you said softly. “I’m also scared. I’m always so scared that I’ll lose you and Sarah and this little blended family we’ve made. But if that’s the price I pay for… caring about you so much, I’m okay with being afraid.”

Joel looked at you like he had something to say, but instead sat there quietly for a moment, processing your words. “Do you want to watch an episode of The Bachelorette?”

“Is that even a question? C’mon,” you stood up.

The two of you cuddled up on the couch once again, this time with a much lighter feeling in the room, partially due to what Joel had confessed to you, and partially due to the absolutely ridiculous content playing on your television.

“I’m sad that I had to go through what I had to go through, but I’m glad that it led me to you,” Joel said out of the blue, resting his forehead against yours.

You were glad that he found you too.

Five

It wasn’t every day that the forces of the universe seemed to be on your side, but for some reason, today was one of those days.

When you’d been called into your boss’ office that morning, a pit formed in your stomach. You’d figured that the day you were going to be laid off was coming, especially following the whole promotion fiasco. As you walked into her office, you fully intended to be walking out without a job.

Except, that wasn’t what happened. You had been promoted, and promoted into a position even higher than the one you’d previously been gunning after.

Once you found out, you had to fight the urge to skip out of your boss’s office, singing and dancing with joy. Instead, you fought that urge by closing the door to your office, and calling Joel.

“Hey honey, what’s up?” he answered casually.

“Joel, they promoted me! And it’s an even better position than what I was trying to get before!” you squealed.

Joel cheered from over the phone, making you somehow smile even harder. “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you. I can’t think of anyone who deserves this more than you.”

“Oh my god, stop it,” you giggled, putting your hands up to your warm cheeks.

“No, I’m serious,” Joel countered. “I know a lot of hard workers, and none of them work as hard as you. You’ve sacrificed so much to get here and it’s finally paid off.”

“Thank you, Joel,” you had more to say, but you decided to keep it to yourself. Mainly, how did you get so lucky to end up with a man like him?

“Are you busy tonight?” he asked.

“I’m just dropping Chloe off at my mom’s, then I should be free for the evening. Why?”

“Why don’t you come over to my place so we can celebrate? You picked the right time to get a promotion. Sarah’s going to her uncle’s for the weekend.”

“Sounds good to me,” you hummed. “I’ll text you when I’m heading over.”

“Alright. Again, congratulations! So proud.”

You hung up and attempted to get back to work, but you were far too excited to focus for too long. You somehow made it to the end of the work day and to Joel’s house without spontaneously combusting from joy.

When you walked in, you were immediately met with the smells of one of your favorite candles, mixed with the mouthwatering scent of fragrant coming from the kitchen.

“Joel, I’m home!” you announced, making your way to the kitchen only to find it very dressed up. The lights were dimmed, a crisp white table cloth rested on the table, and a gorgeous arrangement of flowers sat in a vase in the middle of the table, right next to a rather nice looking bottle of champagne.

Joel was finishing up plating something spectacular as you came in. “Please, have a seat,” he directed. You didn’t need to be told twice.

With the arrangement of the table, you almost felt like you were sitting at a fancy little restaurant, but better, knowing all the effort Joel had put into making the table look this way. He brought over two plates, set one over at his seat and one in front of you, before leaning down and kissing you gently.

“Congratulations. I am so, so, so proud of you,” he said after finally pulling away, reaching for the bottle of champagne on the table.

“If anyone in the world deserves good things,” he turned away from you so that he could safely pop the bottle. “It’s you. I’m glad you’re finally getting the recognition that you deserve.”

With the bottle opened, he poured you out a glass, then poured himself some. You lifted up your glass and Joel mirrored you.

“Cheers,” you said with a grin, tapping your glasses together, then taking a sip. Once you finished drinking, Joel leaned in for one more kiss before he situated himself back into his chair.

“I think you deserve a promotion from best boyfriend in the world to best boyfriend in the universe,” you softly laughed, looking down at your plate.

“Do I? I think anyone would celebrate the person they…” he paused for just a split second, and you probably wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t paying such close attention. “The person they’re sharing their life with if they made a big accomplishment like this.”

“Honey, you’d be very surprised. I can think of at least one person who would view this promotion as a bad thing.”

“Well, don’t think about them right now. This is an amazing thing, and we’re celebrating you today. Not an insecure man with a Napoleon complex and a small penis.”

You laughed out loud, nearly choking on a bubbly sip of champagne.

“You’re right,” you picked up your fork and knife, reading to dig into the amazing looking meal in front of you. “Thank you for this, Joel. You always make me feel so appreciated and cherished. You’re truly one of a kind.”

He shook his head bashfully at the compliment, eating right along with you. It was almost cute how he never seemed to accept compliments, but certainly deserved them more than basically any other person that you knew.

“You always show me how much you care about me. It’s only fair that I do the same.”

“You’re so romantic,” you sighed. “How can I guarantee that I can keep you around forever?”

“Just keep being you, I guess. That’s all I’ve really ever wanted.”

How did you get so lucky? How did you manage to hit the jackpot on men with Joel, almost let it slip through your fingers not once, but twice, and still managed to end up with one of your favorite people in the world?

However it ended up happening, you certainly weren’t mad at it, and as you sat together, you hoped for things never to change.

Plus One

Given that you practically lived at each other’s homes now, you often spent your mornings together getting ready to take on the day. It was cute how you both had your own little routines and were able to coexist in a tiny little space.

Today, you stood in Joel’s bathroom, washing your face as the mirror across from you began to become progressively more foggy from the heat of Joel’s shower.

“My hair is gonna be so frizzy,” you muttered to yourself as you rubbed moisturizer into your skin.

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to come in here with me,” Joel shot back from the shower, turning the water off.

“Whatever,” you grumbled, getting back to work on your face as Joel dried himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist.

“You’re so cute when you’re grumpy in the morning,” he commented as he approached you, standing next to you at the sink.

“I am not grumpy,” you argued, then paused once Joel gave you a very disbelieving expression. “Fine. I can get a little irritable in the morning. Especially when someone’s boiling hot showers make my hair get all frizzy.”

“I wonder who that someone is?” Joel looked around the room in faux confusion.

“Ugh, shut up. You are such a dad,” you fought back laughter, but you couldn’t really help the smile that appeared on your lips.

“Shutting up,” Joel acknowledged, grabbing his razor and some shaving cream to touch up some of his facial hair. You began to brush your teeth, focusing on yourself in the mirror to make sure that you were making your dentist proud.

Your eyes eventually migrated and were meeting Joel’s in the mirror. You flashed him a big, foamy grin, and he immediately broke into hysterics, setting the razor down so he didn’t cut himself while laughing so hard.

“Really?” he asked between laughs. “While I’m shaving?”

“Sorry,” you shrugged with a self-satisfied smirk.

“You are such a dork,” Joel sighed as he calmed himself down, leaning against the counter as he began to work on shaving his face once more. “Ugh, I love you,” the words seemed to come out of his mouth involuntarily, if the horrified look on his face told you anything.

It seemed like the whole house stopped after Joel said it, the dripping from the showerhead ceasing, the faint buzz of the air conditioner nowhere to be found, and the noises of your children downstairs coming to a halt.

You were shocked at the admission, and Joel seemed to be shocked that he’d said anything.

Now that he’d mentioned it, you really did love Joel. You loved how he supported you, and how he treated your daughter like she was his own. You loved that he wasn’t afraid to fight for what he believed in, especially when that included socking your ex in the face. You loved his ability to be vulnerable with you, and the way that he seemed to always know what to say at the right time. You loved knowing that no matter how shitty of a day you’d had, Joel would always be there, ready to order your favorite foods and spoon you while decompressing with the worst, most trashy reality TV you could find.

You’d spent all this time thinking that you’d never experience romantic love again, that romantic love was tumultuous and exhausting, when you’d been in love with Joel the whole time.

You were one of those people who were meant to love and be loved. Joel had proven that much to you.

“I love you too,” you confessed, toothpaste still obstructing your mouth.

Maybe love wasn't so bad after all.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller imagine #pedro pascal x reader #soccer parents au

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toomanystoriessolittletime · 4 months

Text

fucked royalty

Summary: You are working as a nurse on a military base when you meet and fall for Frankie Morales. And he for you. But before he could finally tell you the truth about him he just... disappears and you are left heartbroken without any way to get back in contact with him. After moping for a week you put in a request to relocate and get send to Spain where your new roommate wins a weekend trip to the Kingdom of San Senova, not knowing that all your unanswered questions regarding to Frankie, would soon get their answers.

Wordcount: Alejandro Carlos Francisco Sanchez Morales x fem. reader

Wordcount: 5.7k

Rating: M

Warnings: Royalty AU, fluff, falling in love, light smut (oral f receiving, unprotected sex), angst, heartbreak, me not knowing shit about royal titles, phones are not a thing (just go with it) happy ending 😍

A/N: omg I had so much fun writing this. Hello @flightlessangelwings! I am your secret valentine and I hope you love this little story!

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The first time you saw Frankie Morales, he was getting stitches by the Doctor on military base you had been working on for almost a year as a nurse.

You were carrying some more supplies and the medicine the Doctor had asked for, setting it down next to him when you met Frankie’s eyes for the first time. He gave you a small smile and even though his whole face was bloody (you could already see the stitches on the side of his forehead) he was still the most attractive man you had ever seen.

You didn’t know that this would be the start of a whirlwind romance that would leave you heartbroken.

You saw him again the next night at the bar just around the base.

He was with there with his three friends, sporting a serious bruise on his eye from whatever had happened to him the day before. At some point one of his friends must have caught you starring, and it wasn’t long before Frankie asked if he could invite you for a drink.

A drink turned into two, and you spend the whole night talking to each other about everything and nothing. Maybe you fell for him right then, watching him smile shyly at you, his hand holding yours.

He insisted on making sure you got home safely after.

„You know it’s just a five minute walk?“ You smiled at him. He shrugged, taking your hand.

„A lot can happen in five minutes,“ he said seriously.

He kissed you good night in front of your door, promising that he would see you soon.

And he did.

He was living on base and apparently on call being part of the special forces, so going on dates was a little complicated at the beginning. But what he lacked of opportunities, he made up with ideas.

„This is…. This is beautiful Frankie,“ you smiled at him.

He had found a field full of sunflowers, his hand holding yours as he let you through them, snapping picture after picture from you.

„I flew over it the other day and I thought this is perfect to spend some alone time with you,“ he grinned, pulling you against his chest.

„So this was all a scheme to get me all alone to yourself?“

„Mhhh,“ he hummed, a smile on his lips as he dipped his head down, kissing you softly. You crossed your arms behind his neck, getting on your tiptoes to get even closer. His hands were on your hips, his fingers carefully digging into your skin.

He had you pinned against the wall the moment you got to your place, his lips and hands all over you.

„Want you,“ he mumbled, kissing down your body, pushing your summer dress up.

„Take me then,“ you gasped, when you felt his nose run up your thigh.

„I have heard the wildest rumour,“ you flopped down on the couch next to him. He was at your place for the whole weekend, insisting to wine and dine you for a change, even if it was at your home. He was waiting for you when you came home and you love the feeling of knowing someone was waiting for you.

You had been dating for almost six months now.

And you hoped many more months would follow.

He was basically living at your place when he wasn’t on mission.

„What rumour?“ He asked, his hand coming down to rest on your thigh.

„Carla said that she heard that there’s some European Prince undercover on the base doing his military service,“ you snorted. You stretched your muscles, sighing loudly, missing Frankie’s eyes widening.

„Sounds to me like a Hallmark movie if you ask me,“ you rolled your eyes, letting your head fall against his shoulder.

„How would Carla know?“ Frankie asked.

„Dunno. She send me the link to his Wikipedia page though. Wait a second,“ you pulled your phone out, opening the link.

„There we are. Alejandro Carlos Francisco Sanchez Morales the third. Future king of San Senova. I don’t even know where that is,“ you read out loud.

„Between France and Spain,“ Frankie provided and you looked at him, impressed.

„How do you know that?“ You asked. He shrugged, though you could see him blushing. Adorable.

„Dad is big on geography,“ he said and you nodded, laying your head back against his shoulder.

„Maybe you’re related to them too. Your last name is Morales,“ you chuckled.

„Many people with the name Morales. It’s pretty common,“ he said right away.

„I guess you’re right,“ you sighed.

„Any pictures of him?“ He asked, kissing your hair.

„Sadly no pictures after he turned five years old. Cute little boy though, don’t you think?“ You held the phone out.

„Cute,“ he said before he pulled your phone away, throwing it on the couch next to him.

„Heeeeey,“ you pouted, shrieking when he pulled you beneath him and kissed you.

„Want you,“ he hummed, his hips dragging against yours, making you gasp.

„Take your clothes off baby,“ you grinned, already pulling your shirt over your head.

Within minutes both of you were naked and Frankie was inside of you, making you cry out his name while his lips were all over your body.

He made you cum four times on that couch.

Making you forget about a potential European future king working among you at the base.

Santiago Garcia was Frankie’s best friend.

And, to say it in the most nicest way, a slut.

He had broken the hearts of all the nurses at the base, which left you to be the only one still willing to attend to him, if he had some medical issues.

„So how are things between you and Frankie?“ He asked while he sat on the table. You were cleaning his bloody knuckles, not even asking how it happened anymore. He had a wild streak, leaving you to patch him up regularly.

„Is this the part where you ask me about my intentions?“ You teased and he chuckled.

„Nope. Everyone who has eyes can see how much you love him,“ he said and you stilled, taking a deep breath before you carried on tending to him.

„Same with him too though. He speaks about you all the time. Kinda annoying if you ask me,“ you looked up at him and he winked. You continued cleaning his wounds.

„I haven’t told him that I love him. I… We haven’t talked about what happens when he has to go back home. I don’t even know where is home for him, he always changes the topic. And I’m scared he’s just gonna end up leaving me here,“ you confessed. Your turned away from Santiago, grabbing the bandages.

„Talk to him. Frank is… A little hesitant when it comes to feelings. He told you about his ex?“ Santi asked. You nodded.

Frankie had told you about his last girlfriend. It was pretty serious. They had been together for three years and he could see him getting married to her. He found out that she had been cheating on him with one of his cousins. And then she tried telling him that she was pregnant which turned out to be a complete lie to somehow baby trap him.

Your heart broke for him as he told you about it.

„I think the whole thing broke him more than he wants to admit. Means also he can’t see what’s right in front of him,“ Santiago explained as you finished bandaging his hand, looking up at Santi.

„So you mean I have to confess my feelings in a big gesture?“ You asked.

„I mean you can. I bet he would loooove a flashmob,“ he grinned and you slapped his arm playfully.

„Just tell him how you feel. We’re not gonna stick around for much longer,“ he said and you nodded, watching after him as he left the room.

Frankie had told you that he had received word that he was close to being finished with his service. He didn’t tell you an exact time frame, but you knew the end of whatever this was could be closer than you liked.

You would have to talk with him.

About your feelings and about a potential future.

Because you had already decided that if he would ask you, you would follow him everywhere.

You had no family and only a few friends here.

And nurses were needed everywhere. You would find work quickly.

You and Frankie had made plans for the next evening. You wanted to cook and confess your feelings to him.

But when he didn’t show up at your place you grew worried.

Frankie was always punctual, always calling you if he would be running late. Private cellphones were forbidden at the base, so the only way of contacting him, would be calling the base. So when fifteen minutes went by after he had promised to be here you called the landline of the house he was living at, but nobody picked up.

Next you tried the base but the line was busy.

An hour later and no message you grabbed your car keys and drove the way from your place to his place at the base. You hadn’t been here often. He shared the small house with his three friends and privacy was not really something they valued, leaving to interesting encounters and teasing in the morning when you stayed the night.

The house lay in darkness when you got there.

After knocking and ringing the bell you received no answer.

You had a bad feeling in your stomach. You stood there in the darkness looking at the house.

There was no one here.

Maybe they had an important mission and he did not have time to tell you. You shook your head. In the months you had dated he had always informed you when he had to leave on short notice.

Something was not right.

It’s why you made your way back to the base to ask around.

„You here about Frank?“ His superior, General Lopez asked, after you knocked on his door. You nodded.

„He was sent home together with the whole fifth devision,“ he said.

„Oh,“ you said surprised, your heard beating fast in your chest.

„Anything else you want?“ He barked and you shook your head numbly, before you walked out.

You held the tears in until you were back in the apartment and saw Frankie’s hoodie still hanging over your chair.

He had to leave without you being able to tell him how you felt.

You just hoped that he would call you once he made it out of the plane.

He didn’t call.

He did not send a letter.

He didn’t try to get in touch with you.

So after moping around for a week you applied for a transfer packed your things and took the new job.

In Spain.

Vowing to yourself to get over Frankie.

Two months later

„I can’t believe you dragged me into this,“ you whined before you turned the air conditioning of the car to its highest level.

„For someone who got invited to spend a two night stay in a five star hotel in San Senova without having to pay a single cent for it, you sure sound ungrateful,“ your friend Lisa hummed as she drove the car down the highway.

You had to admit that she was right.

The last two months had been long and dark and depressing, but meeting Lisa on your first day, finding out she was your roommate for the six months you would spend here in Spain, was the greatest distraction.

She was loud and playful and funny and she made it her mission to get you out of your „depression hole“.

It’s why after winning this weekend stay in a raffle on the 4th of July celebration on base, she didn’t even ask you if you would like to come. She just informed you that you were going.

„You know that there was a rumour back in my old base that the crown prince of San Senova was doing his military service back there?“ You asked.

„King,“ she said.

„Huh?“

„He’s the king now. Has been for almost two months. Apparently his father died suddenly and he had to take the throne overnight,“ she explained.

„Look at you being informed,“ you teased.

„Don’t want to be the dumb American stereotype tourist. Also, thanks to my research, I know that tomorrow will be a national holiday in San Senova because it’s the kings thirty fifth birthday. Apparently there’s a military parade. It’s a whole thing,“ Lisa said.

„What I am hearing is, that you gonna drag me to this thing, isn’t it?“ You sighed.

She turned her head, grinning at you.

„You know me so well already,“ Lisa winked.

With a chuckle you shook your head.

Spending time with Lisa this weekend would be great.

You wouldn’t be thinking about the plans you and Frankie had made for this birthday that was tomorrow back in the states.

After parking the rental car and checking into the hotel (which made your jaw drop) you passed out for a nap almost right away.

It hadn’t been a long drive, but you had started studying to become an OR nurse and you had only fallen asleep in the early morning hours after having been allowed to watch an operation last night.

Lisa made sure to roughly wake you up an hour before she had made reservations in a local restaurant she had found on trip advisor.

And while you wanted nothing more than to sleep, you let her excitement over this trip influence you. After a small dance party in the huge bathroom of the hotel room where Lisa told you that if you were a guy, she would have fucked you in the big walk in shower first thing while proceeding to sing into her brush-microphone, the two of you stepped out of the hotel.

Lisa had talked you into wearing a dress, so you were wearing your most casual, yet fancy dress. A dark red wrap dress that ended just above your knees.

You drew the line at wearing heels, leaving you with some flat sandals as you walked down the street, your arm hooked under Lisa’s as she led you towards the restaurant, google maps on her phone showing you both the way.

Walking through old European cities like these, alway left you impressed and yearning to live here. You had managed to visit Barcelona and Seville since getting to Spain and frankly you couldn’t imagine ever going back to the United States.

You made smalltalk on the way, both of your eyes taking in the old city.

And men.

Well at least Lisa did.

She knew about Frankie and she knew you weren’t ready for someone new. Which did not stop her to point out candidates which you had to admit were super attractive.

But they weren’t Frankie.

How things ended with him still left you with a billion questions. The loudest of them all being if you could be so wrong about his feelings for you.

Even Santiago had told you Frankie loved you.

And while you or him never heard or said the words, you deep down knew he loved you.

He could maybe lie to you, but what reason would his best friend have to lie?

Why did he ghost you like this?

Taking a deep breath you stopped walking as Lisa announced that you made it. Looking around you saw that the restaurant was pretty busy.

„Seems like trip advisor was right to make a reservation, huh?“ You asked and she nodded.

„Looks expensive,“ you noticed and she turned her head, grinning at you.

„You’re paying! I invited you for this trip“ Lisa announced and your jaw dropped, watching her walk towards the entrance.

„This trip was free!“ You gasped.

She only laughed and you shook your head, following her inside.

„You might have to carry me back to the hotel,“ you groaned almost two hours later. The dinner was probably the best you had in your life.

Lisa and you had shared a bottle of wine between the two of you and you were now waiting for dessert.

„Would it be weird to call a cab?“ She asked.

„It’s a five minute walk,“ you laughed.

She pouted.

„I don’t think I can do it,“ she said with a dramatic sigh before she smiled.

„Gonna go to the restroom. Don’t steal from my dessert when it comes,“ she said seriously, before she grabbed her purse and walked through the restaurant towards the restrooms.

It was almost fifteen minutes later, your dessert almost gone when you heard her laugh.

Your dessert was almost gone and you were sipping on your wine glass when you turned your head towards the sound, finding her sitting with her back towards you at the bar. She was talking to a man, her hand on his shoulder, and you smiled to yourself until your eyes landed on the face of the man she was talking to.

As if sensing your eyes on him, his head tilted, his eyes frowning before they widened.

„Santi?“ You whispered in disbelief.

Lisa’s head turned when Santi stopped talking, her eyes narrowing between you and Santiago.

She left him standing walking towards you.

„Why are you looking at Santiago like you’ve seen a ghost? I just met him?“ She asked, her hand on your shoulder as she stood beside you.

Looking up at her you gulped.

„That’s Frankie’s best friend,“ you whispered, suddenly very tired.

Lisa’s eyes widened before she turned around to look at him, just as he stepped beside her.

„He’s what?“ She asked.

You closed your eyes, shaking your head.

Santiago said your name and you could feel yourself shaking.

It was like you were underwater. You could hear Lisa and him talking, but you didn’t understand what they were talking about.

If he was here, was Frankie somewhere here too?

What was he doing here out of all places in the world?

Why did they leave?

Why did he leave?

Why did no one tell you?

You finally looked up at him, tears lingering in the corner of your eyes.

„Why?“ You asked quietly. He looked at you with sadness in his eyes. He was sucking on his bottom lip, nervous. He let his eyes wander through the room, noticing some people already staring.

You didn’t know that people were staring because they knew who he was.

Not yet.

„Not here,“ he said and you frowned, about to open your mouth to ask what he meant, when he took a step closer.

„It’s not my place to explain. I’ll try. But not here,“ he said.

Both you and Lisa followed Santiago to a private dining room of the restaurant that was empty.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to talk or if you wanted to run.

As soon as the door closed his eyes were on you, then on Lisa.

„Talk,“ she snapped, her arms crossed in front of her chest and you almost laughed as you saw him jump, surprised by her outburst.

He looked at you as if in question and you rolled your eyes.

„She knows. About me and Frankie and how all of you just…. Ghosted me from one day to another,“ you said.

„Like I said, it’s not my place to explain,“ he started and Lisa scoffed.

„I would love to just tell you everything but I made a vow I can’t break,“ he said and you confusingly stared at him.

„A vow?“ You whispered, he nodded.

You looked at Lisa who looked like she was ready to scratch Santiago’s eyes out if you gave her the go.

„Let me take you to him,“ Santiago said.

„Let me take you to Frankie.“

The ride in the car was silent.

You were anxious, your hands sweating. Lisa was holding your hand while glaring at Santiago.

„Can you tell your friend to stop looking at me like she wants to choke me?“ Santiago said after a while and your lips almost broke out into a small smile.

„Last thing I remembered I heard Nurse Sam say you’re into that,“ you said and his eyes widened before he laughed.

„I might be, but in the sexy way, not in the I’m gonna die way,“ he winked and you released a shaky breath.

You tuned out the conversation that now started between Lisa and Santi, your head resting against the cold glass of the car window, your eyes trying to figure out were he was taking you.

You hadn’t been driving for a long time, before the car stopped at a gate. You could only make out what looked like a long fence before the car started driving again, driving towards a huge building.

It didn’t take long then before the car stopped in front of an already opened door, a deep red rug on the steps leading up and inside. The door on Santiago’s side opened and he stepped out, turning to hold out his hand, helping you out.

Taking a deep breath you stepped out of the car, taking a look around as he helped Lisa out of his car.

A man in a suit walked out, bowing his head.

„Duke Garcia,“ the man said and your head turned to Lisa who was already looking at you with wide eyes.

„Where is he?“ Santiago asked. You saw the man look at you and Lisa before he focused back on Santiago. They talked to each other in hushed voices before Santiago turned around with a sigh.

The man walked back inside, leaving you alone with Lisa and Santiago, the car driving off.

„Frankie is in a… meeting. But I think we can interrupt it. That is, if you want?“ He asked.

You nodded.

You wanted answers.

„What about you?“ You asked, looking at Lisa. She suddenly had a shy smile on her lips as she looked at Santi.

„I’m gonna take care of her,“ Santi said with a wink and you playfully rolled your eyes.

It took almost ten minutes of Santiago leading both you and Lisa through the building before he came to a stop in front of two closed doors.

He looked at you, silently asking for permission, before he loudly knocked on the door.

He didn’t wait for anyone to invite him in, before he pushed the door open.

The first thing you noticed was that the room behind the door was huge. And looking more… opulent than some of the hallways you had walked through. Golden ornaments and deep red on the walls made it look like out of a fairytale.

You were in a castle. Why were you in a castle?

You let your eyes wander through the room until your eyes stopping on the very end. There was a woman sitting on a chair in front of a canvas, painting someone. Taking a step further into the room you noticed someone sitting in front of her. On a golden chair. A throne? He was wearing what looked like a uniform with various medals and buttons, looking very official.

The man stood up and you titled your head up, finding Frankie’s wide eyes looking at you.

The woman in front of him, got up from her chair too, bowing her head with a whispered your majesty as he took the three steps from the podium down and walked towards you.

His eyes didn’t leave yours as he walked towards you.

„Clear the room,“ he said and you released a shuddering breath. You felt a hand on your shoulder, making you jump.

Breaking eye contact you looked at Lisa who looked as confused as you felt.

„You okay?“ She mouthed.

You shrugged. She eyed the man who was now standing almost in front of you with a frown before she looked at you again.

„I will be right outside,“ she said loud and clear before she let Santiago lead her out of the room, closing the door behind them.

You closed your eyes, gathering your thoughts before your eyes opened and found Frankie looking at you.

Allowing yourself a moment to really take him in, you noticed how tired he looked. There were bags under his eyes you could see, even though someone did a shitty job of covering them up. It seemed like he aged at least ten years since you’ve last seen him. His hair was shorter, his beard was trimmed.

His head tilted to the side and it was only then that you noticed the tears in his eyes.

„You left,“ you whispered and he closed his eyes, releasing along breath.

„I’m sorry,“ he said and you had too look away from him when he opened his eyes again. Turning away you slowly walked towards the windows, looking out of it.

If you would continue to look at him, you would cry. And right now you weren’t sure if it was out of anger or because you had missed him so much.

You crossed your arms, your hands tucking underneath your arms to soothe yourself as you looked out into the dark night.

„Tell me why you left,“ you said quietly.

Footsteps came closer towards you and it was like before, like you could feel his warmth.

„My father died,“ he began.

„I received the news of his death while I went through the store to get some of your favourite snacks. I wanted to go over to you anyway and finally tell you the truth. Tell you that I lo…. I had the plan to tell you everything that night even before all of it happened. But… Once my father…. The King of San Senova died, I was swept up by the royal protocol. Thirty minutes after I received the message I was already on a plane and being briefed on what was going to be happening as soon as I arrived here back home.“

„You didn’t even have a minute to call?“

„I… I tried. But your number had been disconnected by the time I finally had a minute to breathe. And I had left you messages with my superior but he told me that you weren’t interested….“

You turned around, your head tilting up to look at him.

„I never received any message from you,“ you shook your head. His eyes widened.

„I left you a letter. And… at least a dozen messages….“

„I went to the base an hour after you hadn’t shown up and talked to your Superior. He only told me that you left earlier. There was no message.“

His jaw tensed as he took a deep breath, his eyes darkening for a moment.

„I left you a letter that explained everything. I gave it to him weeks before I even left because I wanted you to have a way to contact me. It had Santi’s and Will’s number. Because I am not allowed to carry a cellphone.“

Sucking your bottom lip in you looked at him.

„Why would he not give me your messages if you left them for me?“ You questioned.

His face fell and he groaned.

„His fucking daughter. Fuck, I can’t believe this…“ He turned around, his hand running through his hair in frustration.

„Santi!“ He yelled and you almost jumped at the tone of his voice.

The door opened and Santiago walked in, looking a little… wild. His hair a wild mess and… was that lipstick on his lips?

„Your majesty?“ He asked and your could see Frankie roll his eyes. You caught Lisa in the hallways behind Santi with big eyes. You chuckled to yourself.

„I want General Lopez and his daughter here first thing in the morning,“ he hissed and Santi’s eyebrow raised.

„Fucker never gave my messages to her,“ Frankie explained and Santi sighed as he looked at you.

„I will get right to it,“ he promised. He turned around and closed the door behind him.

„I should have known…. I should have tried harder,“ Frankie shook his head, his fingers rubbing over his temple.

Slowly you approached him.

Sure, he could have tried to get in touch with you somehow. But… you couldn’t even imagine how much his life must have changed in a matter of hours. Not that you weren’t hurt how things went, but… you could at least understand him.

Carefully you brought your hand up to rest on his shoulder.

He looked at you.

„I missed you so much,“ he whispered.

„Yeah?“ You asked. He nodded.

„Even though there are now always people around me, I feel so alone. I always felt so alone. But not with you. Never with you,“ he turned around so he was standing in front of you.

„I missed you too. Every single day,“ you said, tears lingering in your eyes.

His forehead came to rest against yours as he pulled you into a hug. The big clock in the room began to ring, the clock striking midnight.

„Happy birthday Frankie,“ you whispered.

Ever so slowly you pressed your lips against his.

„Tell me everything?“ You asked.

He smiled.

Things went very fast after that night.

It turned around General Lopez had indeed not given a single message Frankie left to you because he was hoping that Frankie fell for his his daughter, who was in line to be Frankie’s wife and future queen.

He just hadn’t counted on how deeply Frankie had fallen in love with you.

You had spend the whole night talking. After he had gotten out of his uniform he had taken you to his private quarters that fell much more like Frankie.

He told you about growing up in this palace, knowing that he was next in line for the throne. How every single relationship he had in the past only was about getting what they wanted, which was power or money, but never him. Frankie. They wanted Alejandro Carlos Francisco Sanchez Morales The Third, or now King Alejandro the third.

That was the reason, he was so hesitant to tell you. Not because he didn’t trust you, but because he was scared it would change something between you.

It took a while to realise that the man you heard singing „Everytime we touch“ under the shower in the morning while he ran late for work, was now a king of a whole country.

Your weekend trip became a lot more serious once Frankie told you he loved you and asked you to stay on the day after you arrived first at the palace.

He did not want to waste any more time pretending he wasn’t in love with you and… you didn’t want that either.

So you stayed.

In separate rooms in the palace at first.

Not that you slept in separate beds even one day after you arrived.

But the King having his girlfriend move into his quarters right away apparently wasn’t a good look. You learned much about the royal protocol in the weeks after you arrived.

Part of you wanted to let him grovel for you for a while, but you knew from the start that you wanted him back in your life.

You didn’t want to waste any more time apart from him.

Almost four months later Frankie asked you to marry him and you said yes.

There would be a huge royal wedding in the next spring, the planning already under way. There was talk to combine his official coronation with the wedding, but two months was apparently too little time to plan it. Your dress alone would take half a year to make. The times of ordering your clothes online were officially over.

You had a stylist now.

And responsibilities.

Because you would become the Queen of San Senova in the coming year.

Which is how you found yourself here, wearing a deep green floor length gown, your back leaning against a wall, next to a room full of people who were waiting to officially see the new King.

The new King who was on his knees in front of you, one of your legs thrown over his shoulder, your dress carefully held up as he licked into you.

Your hands were pressed against the wall behind you, trying to stop yourself from running them through his hair.

„Frankie,“ you whimpered quietly, your head falling back against the wall.

He had pulled you into this room not five minutes ago, both of you not really having seen each other more than in passing in the last four days.

Which was apparently too much time.

You could hear the people cheering outside of the palace as they waited.

„Don’t let the people wait, my love. Cum for your King,“ he grinned before he sucked your clit into his mouth and you came with a quiet gasp, your legs shaking.

„You’re a fucking menace,“ you sighed and you felt him chuckle against you, before he carefully slipped your panties back and kissed you thigh.

A knock on the door, someone reminding you that it was time, let you both jump before you laughed to yourselves.

He put your leg back to the floor as he got up, standing in front of you.

„How do I look?“ He asked and you smiled, bringing your hands up to brush over his shoulders.

„Majestic,“ you smiled and he kissed you softly. He took his hand, wanting to exit the room with you when you stopped him.

He frowned.

„You have….. me all over you….“ You mumbled and he licked his lips.

„Just how I like it,“ he winked before he opened the door, pulling you through it.

And minutes later Frankie stood on the balcony, wearing his crown, waving to his people as their new crowned King, while he held your hand.

Looking at you he gave you a small wink before he kissed you softly in front of thousands of people who cheered both his and your name.

Not knowing what their King was up to not only ten minutes ago.

#SpaceSistersSecretValentine #my fic #Frankie Morales #Frankie Morales x fem. reader #Pedro Pascal #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction

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i-cant-sing · 8 days

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Thinking about my own grandpa and how he'd comfort me with sweets/icecream whenever i had the slightest inconvenience and i just dream of whether he'd still do it to me as a 23 year old, ruffling my hair, letting me cut his birthday cake, scolding my parents when they got mad at me (yes i snitched on my parents), wiping my fat tears with his handkerchief, showing me his drawings of airplane engines as cold air blasted through the ac, letting me eat food from his plate that my mom made me bring him lol.

and like it grandparents are sooo sweet man. they couldve been okay-ish parents to their own kids, but then they get grandkids and they're like a whole different species *sniffle* theyre so precious.

and now my mind goes to that yandere todoroki clan au (i think it was the bullied series) where at the end, reader dies because of rei, and the whole fam loses their sanity. then one day, reader is reincarnated (its her quirk) as dabi's baby and dabi shares the news with his siblings because he needs to restore their sanity too (cause he feels responsible for them too, the "eldest kid" syndrome).

anyways, after you, his daughter had died, enji lost it and killed rei and then just vanished into the mountains to mourn his loss. years later, for whatever reason, he finds out about you. he's standing there, watching toddler you looking at him with curiosity. you stumble towards him, and Enji's on his knees at this point, he's in shock. your scars, your marks from your previous life dont even register to him until later on, all he can focus is you- its you, his baby. his daugher. his child that he swore to protect and failed.

your legs give out when you reach him but your hands reach for him and enji's already lifting you up, bringing you to his chest. his eyes are filled with tears as u look at him and babble, your hands grabbing onto his shirt, touching his face, big doe eyes staring at him.

he hugs you, silent sobs wrecking his body as he gets a whiff of your head. you- you smell just like her- like his daughter.

It really is you.

he doesn't let go of you, even when you eventually fall asleep in his arms, rocking you gently as he stares down at you in awe and disbelief. he doesn't let you go even when dabi tries to take you back, even when dabi insists that he won't keep you two apart, that you need to rest in your bed as he explains everything.

he finally let's you go when you wake up and reach for your dad (dabi), crying when enji doesn't let you leave his arms. but he relents, enji relents when you cry- it hurts him so bad, he's reminded of all the times how you used to cry before, how you used to beg him for help, beg him to save you. his heart breaks to see you like this, in tears.

enji's only partially conscious of what dabi is saying to him, explaining to him that you're now "his" daughter and enji's "granddaughter" and that's how things will be if they need to work. But enji doesn't care whether you're his daughter or not, all he cares about is that he's in your life because he needs to- he will keep you safe. He won't make the same mistakes again. Never.

i can just imagine the siblings and enji all sitting down together to make decisions about your life in extreme detail so that they ensure that no harm befalls you ever again, and if by some extreme badluck you die, they need to make sure that you reincarnate back to them.

they plan your every day, they make sure that at least one of them is with you at all times, and most importantly, they make sure youre safe and happy. when you start going to school, you're taken to school by Shotou because Dabi (who went back to working as a chef) has to go to work early. then at school, your teacher is more than likely Fuyumi (and if she's not your teacher, then she still works at your school). then after school, you're picked up by Enji who takes you out for ice cream (always, he doesnt care if its before u have had lunch. he needs to make up for all the times he couldnt give u ice cream because of rei) and also buy you any toys u want. enji is just enjoying you padding away and pointing at things that catch your eye. at home, natsuo has returned from his shift at the hospital and then starts heating up the food dabi had already made for you, before letting enji put you down for nap time. when you wake up, natsuo takes your vitals and a basic medical check. by dinner, dabi is home and you welcome him by launching yourself at his legs with a thud. he laughs, picks you up and pecks your cheek before taking you into the kitchen with him to make dinner while you tell him all about your day.

#yandere todoroki clan #yandere bnha #bnha headcanons #yandere mha #bnha imagines #yandere dabi #yandere endeavor #yandere todoroki family #yandere todoroki #yandere shotou

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byhees · 8 months

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seeing you in glasses.

엔하이픈 ・ female reader + word count 700 genre fluff established relationship non-idol au warnings not proof-read kissing skinship petnames — more

a/n. requested!

heeseung would look at you with such adoration, it’d be the cutest thing ever; would gawk at you, as in, full-on ‘you’re so beautiful, and so surreal, and so stunning’ kind of gawking. it’s the feeling where, you’re already so, so pretty, and now? you’re even prettier than he’d last seen you! he’d pull you into the sweetest of hugs, little kisses peppering the surface of your face; “never take these off, m’kay?” that’s not… quite possible, but hey, whatever makes him happy…

jay would shower you in compliments— he finds you so adorable in those glasses; would probably jokingly raise his fingers, numbers swiftly flickering before your eyes— “babe, what number is this?” gosh, he’s lucky he’s so cute; in all seriousness, he’d probably cling onto you for the entirety of the day, complaining about how he hasn’t admired your pretty face enough…

jake would freak. out. but in the best way possible; he’d probably erupt into the loudest, most cacophonous symphony of “oh my god”s, his eyes never tearing away from the pair of glasses perched atop your nose bridge; first instinct is to pull you into a sweet hug, because let’s be real, how can he not when his girlfriend looks so adorable? second instinct is to take a whole bunch of pictures with you, because he just has to capture your pretty face— definitely changes his phone lockscreen to one of them…

sunghoon would be beyond shocked; when you mentioned ‘running some important errands’, he hadn’t expected for you to show up, as pretty as ever, with those cute little frames; would probably lightly pull you by your waist, bringing you close to his body. would definitely tip your chin to meet your eyes, wanting to properly confirm what he’s seeing; would be so in love with the image of you wearing your glasses, to the point where he tries to grasp every opportunity to see you in them—grabs them from the bedside counter, and plops them on your nose bridge after your shower. before you’re able to process anything at all, you’d be sitting between his legs, glasses donned, as he gently dries your hair…

sunoo would be so, so surprised. i mean, that’s his pretty girl over there, wearing glasses! the type to pepper kisses all over your face, soft affirmations slipping past his lips— “you look amazing, my love”, and here you are, melting into a puddle from how sweet his smile is; would ask you, with the most endearingly serious expression ever, if he should get a pair as well, wanting to match with yours. “imagine how cute that’d be! little one, and little two”, he’d suggest, eyes beaming with a pretty twinkle…

jungwon would shamelessly stare at you, mouth slightly agape; even as you’re carrying on with your daily tasks, his gaze always finds some way to linger on you, eyes fully transfixed by how breathtaking you look in glasses; “baby, look me in the eyes and tell me you’re real”, he’d say, eyes glittering with full-blown admiration— you’re ethereal; would go in for a kiss, but pause after remembering the new accessory atop your nose bridge— lightly pushes it up, a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips. “there”, he’d whisper, before leaning close to plant a pretty kiss on your lips…

riki would be so taken aback, but in the most pleasant of ways possible; tries to conceal his little surge of excitement from you, but fails unknowingly due to the curve of his lips— i mean, he can’t help but to smile at the sight of you in glasses! it just comes so naturally; playfully calls you his little nerd, knowing fully well that he’s crumbling and melting at the way you glare up at him, the frames of your glasses emphasising your pretty eyes even more. “uh, it’s alright, i guess”, that’s what he says, but here he is, internally squealing at the way you lean in to press a peck to his cheek, the frames brushing against his skin…

taglist open! @halcyoni-ki @wondipity @yjjungwon @shysakuno @niktwazny303 @vnsux @minhosify @haechansbbg @yeomha @stepout-09-15 @chansburgah @sona-verse01 @lilly-bubblelops @smouches @mrchweeee @luvistqrzzz @nwjws networks! @kflixnet @enhanet @k-labels

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coeurify · 1 year

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perfect girl lll | ellie williams

pairing & word count: ellie williams x fem!reader. modern college au, drug dealer ellie. part 1&2 here, read that first. wc: 11.3k

description: ellie williams and you can never seem to see eye to eye, but you always end up back at each other’s feet.

warnings & tags: 18+ . more fluffy than the others. dramatic lesbians who cant stop arguing. mean!reader, slightly less mean!ellie. slightly toxic relationship. jealousy, drinking. in depth talk of weed and smoking it. (i tried my best. may be a stoner but i cant describe it for shit) cut off sex at the start, semi public sex later, name calling (ellie calls reader a slut at one point) and rough treatment. the whole works. a slightly happy ending tho !

The sun isn’t the first warmth you feel against you when you wake. It's much heavier, hotter, unlike the lukewarm dashes of sun that come through your dorm window. This warmth breathes against your bare skin, presses down on your stomach from its spot above you.

The warmth is much more annoying than the light of the sun, and has the name Ellie, which you grumble as soon as your eyes open.

“Ellie,” your fingers move to push her haphazardly thrown arm and body off of you. You aren’t sure how you had ended up tangled together like this, but the weight of her face in your neck and her chest half over you is enough to send a sort of regret coursing through you, a deep ache in your veins. It’s too close, too much.

The other girl groans, slapping a hand out and over your mouth as if to shush you. For a moment you debate biting down on it, but that would probably be against your better judgment. Instead you move your face away and scooch to the very opposite end of the bed. You ignore the way your body involuntarily shivers at the lack of Ellie’s body heat, body turning uncomfortably.

Your eyes search around the room, stomach swooping low at the sight of all the clothes on your rug. The reminder of the night before makes your fingers run against your neck, hissing when you press down on a bite mark. You finally find what you were looking for, the small blinking numbers on your electronic clock. It was about a quarter before nine, and for once you had no place to be beside whatever Saturday party you were sure to be begged to attend later. But you had the sudden urge to get up and go.. go somewhere other than the blinding heat beside you. But no excuse was valid enough in your mind to leave the sleeping girl beside you, despite the uneven beat to your heart.

Ellie had stayed the night. You had slept naked with her, shifted around multiple times through the night to rest comfortably against her, pulled blankets from each other.. you woke up with her lips against your skin..and you weren’t sure how to handle it. It went against everything you stood for. Hiding a guest in the sorority house, letting yourself fall victim to the awful hookup culture with a piece of shit. An absolutely gorgeous piece of shit. One that you hated, but didn’t seem to be able to stick to that particular feeling all too well.

Your nose crinkles at your brain's own thoughts, embarrassed you could call Ellie gorgeous, like that was the most awful thing to admit.. You finally move to sit up, arms wrapping around your own chest to hide the flesh from certain eyes that may pop open. The skin there is slightly sticky with sweat, and you move to disappear off the bed and into your bathroom. You aren’t able to do so, a hand from the side of you pulling you straight back down onto the bed with a thump.

It’s Ellie’s hands of course, tired green eyes blinking at you as her body shifts to the side so she can watch you. The way Ellie’s pupils shift around your face and then off to the wall makes you think she may also be having a moment of anxiety at the current situation, but she seems much better at hiding it.

Neither of you however are good at real conversations that arent insults or fucking, apparently— so its a bit awkward when she says, “Good Morning.” Ellie looks almost nervous, something lingering in her eyes while she looks at you. Almost admiring you.

You can't deny that she looks pretty. Her auburn hair usually pulled half up is instead slightly tangled and all over her cheeks, messy from a night of tossing and turning around in the small college bed. You want to reach forward, push it behind her ears and watch where it falls against her jawline. You can still smell a twinge of weed and whatever cologne she uses on her, but now it's overtaken by the familiar scent of your sheets instead. Something about Ellie smelling like you makes bubbles rise in your chest— and you have to look away for a second before you start actually moving to touch her.

Your tongue swipes over the dry lips it finds, searching for your next words, “Morning. I was getting up to take a shower, you were all over me in your sleep last night.. Im sweaty,” muttering, you find comfort in the, “annoying by the way..” you add.

Ellie relaxes into the banter as well, seeming too happy to rid the room of the tension that had begun to fill the space. “Annoying? I woke up cold as fuck like three times because you stole all the blankets. And you snore.”

An offended gasp rises in your throat. “I do not snore you dick!” Reaching an arm out to shove her, you leave your chest exposed again, the air nipping at the skin. You realize this after a split second, scrambling to pull the blanket to cover you instead.

It makes Ellie snort, barely moved by the very light attack on her shoulder. “You definitely do snore..” her gaze moves to the blanket pulled up to your chin. “And I think it’s a bit too late to cover up for me now, honestly.”

The words make your stomach turn, a burning reminder of the now repeated actions that had taken place with her. She was right, having seen every inch of your body by this point, every spot usually hidden from the outside world had been drunk up by her eyes at least once. Instead of focusing on how warm that made you, your fingers reached forward to pull at the sports bra she wore, smiling when it slapped back into place and caused a surprised yelp to leave Ellie.

“Yea, pretty unfair though, I slept naked and you're all—”

“Not?” Ellie finishes, smiling lopsidedly at you. It feels oddly intimate, joking around with her like this while lounging on the sheets you both had skewed off their places on the mattress.

“Yea.. that’s why i'm all sticky and sweaty and you aren't.. dick.” you scoff, not really all that mad. Not as mad as you wished you were.

“Well..” Ellie moves to tower over you, arms on either side of your covered frame. “Since I apparently smell bad,” she mumbled— calling back to your multiple comments from the last party— “I guess I don't mind a bit of sweat,” and then she's dipping down, sniffing dramatically at your neck. “Ugh, disgusting.. you do need a shower.”

You make a face, squirming under her. “Shut up!” It’s hard to hold back the smile her ticklish breath against your throat brings, hurting your reddening cheeks at the effort.

She responds by pressing a loud and sloppy kiss on your cheek, chuckling in a way that squeezes your ribcage so tightly it feels it may snap. Her leg presses against you just enough to make something tumble around inside you.

“Stop slobbering on me,” you whine, all too loudly. The words drag out too long, the tone too breathy. You both pause, Ellie raising from her place on your cheek.

There's an invisible line you just hopped right over, spilling away from the quiet and sleepy morning and more into something you knew. The hitch in your voice that Ellie had come to know much too well sent you both nose diving out of that too intimate moment and straight back into the burning you had grown accustomed to.

This look, the one where she is much more awake— focused on your parted lips, you could deal with this. There was no awkwardness about her gaze, no hidden affection like that of when she said good morning, the one that made you want to curl away. This look you knew, this look you both knew what to do with.

Ellie let out a breath, something you couldn’t quite understand going on in her mind. Maybe something similar to your own, falling into one of the only two things you know how to feel together, want.

Her head is dipping down again, this time less jokingly and more clearly focused. Her lips press a softer kiss at your cheek this time, and then on your jaw— pausing for your reaction.

“You want me to stop this?” Ellie asks, a tad more breathy now. You suppose neither of you can really help this sort of reaction around each other. It was easier than addressing the other, softer feelings blooming.

You still hated this, the way she always makes you answer her, makes you say what you really want. Hate the way it makes you all dizzy, makes your thighs squeeze a bit tighter. You’re too tired still to put up a fight now though, giving into her much easier. You won't admit that it was becoming harder to deny her, that that absolute anger you used to find from the way she made you feel was slipping steadily away with each new kiss.

“No, keep going,” you sigh out, hand finding her hair, playing gently with the locks that only reach the middle of her neck. When she shivers from the fingers against her scalp, you smile.

Ellie is also smiling, though for a different reason. That being your immediate answer to her question. “It’s really easy to seduce you, ya know?” she jokes against your skin, biting at the flesh near your collarbone.

“Are you calling me easy?” you accuse, a pout building on your lips. God, you wanted to smack yourself, smack away the dripping feeling down your throat of affection that comes from her teases. Like syrupy sugar in your mouth that you couldn’t swallow. You wanted to feel angry again, wanted this to go faster.. rougher. But neither of you had that in yourselves right now, and neither of you really wanted it. Even if you tried to convince yourself.

“Only for me of course, princess..” Ellie continues, thumb pressing over the still sore marks on your neck. When you whimper, it makes her push harder, drawing another sharp whine out.

“You look so pretty with these,” she compliments, bubbling up that odd mixture of push and pull you felt from the all too sweet tone. It's creating something awful inside you. A swarm too violent to be butterflies in your belly. No, these were wasps, evil and mean.. ruining every bit of your insides. You can't get them out, unable to cough out the stinging that each soft touch from ellie inacts.

You only hum in reply, nails still playing in her hair as she peels the blanket off of your body to kiss lower. The air, though warm, makes you shiver. Maybe just from the pure exposure of it, goosebumps pricking at your skin.

“Been dying to taste you ever since the party, can I?” Ellie’s words are slightly quieter due to her lips on the swell of your breasts, and then they wrap around your nipple. your hips shoot straight up from the feel, eyes squeezing shut to welcome in the blackened vision. Heat erupts out of you with the next tug of her lips, burning your skin from top to bottom, numbing your mind with such a simple touch. Her eyes flick up, teeth scraping against the now hard nub.

You nod quickly, “yea- please, el..”

Maybe it should be a bit shameful that you spread your legs so quickly at the words, that while she works on your nipples you are dripping onto the bedsheets under you, something you would have been starkly against if it was anyone else.

The only noises as she continues her trail of kisses down your stomach are your own needy breaths and the slight blow of the air against the trees outside. You can hear the creak of floorboards to your left, all the other girls in the house sure to stir awake soon. The realization almost pushes you straight up, an all too real reminder of your current predicament. Your heart stutters, breath pauses, and even if Ellie can blame it on her lips, you can’t. Shooing the shame away you instead focus on how she’s nearing your thighs, her hands pressing your them open.

“Already wet,” Ellie chides, burning your face as your eyes make friends with the ceiling. You watch the slight texture of the white surface as if it can stop the embarrassment that pools in you.

Her lips find a new mission of a place to mark up, the target being your thighs. The sensitive skin is bitten into, and you clamp a manicured hand over your mouth. Squirming on the bed you breathe into your own palm, eyelashes fluttering against a finger. The smallest of touches from Ellie got you worked up, so her lips so close to where you needed her.. it ruined you. Your clammy palm stops the noises, muffled and quiet. Your hips buck needily, making her head move with it.

“Calm down baby, barely gotten started..” her voice is rougher now, and you can hear her swallow as she takes in your weeping center. Finally pulling your gaze away from the ceiling to instead look down at her, you are met with a very flushed Ellie, lips puffy from their previous assault on your thighs. It’s enough for you to feel faint, eyes blurring at how much it turned you on.

“Ellie..” you whisper, words harsh, “stop teasing.”

Ellie rolls her eyes, tsking at the attitude. “Cant enjoy my girl?”

My girl, My girl, My girl. it repeats in your head over and over, squeezing your nerves around its twisted little syllables, tilting your vision. Two simple words, ones you don’t think Ellie thought even twice about, something she probably says to every girl she's been with.. they send you completely off kilter. You can’t tell if you feel nauseous because you don’t like it, don't like her acting like she was anything to you.. or if the queasiness and watering in your mouth comes from the need to hear her say it again.

But you aren’t. You aren’t her girl, and you don't want to be.

With the first lick of her tongue on your folds, your mind falls back down into the moment. No longer able to focus on the swirl of panicked thoughts in your mind. Your fingers tug her hair harshly, legs wrapping around her as she licks deeper. You let yourself ignore the words she so casually just said, and instead focus on her between your legs.

But as your toes curl, mouth falling opening.. the other shoe drops. A loud knock at your door startles you, enough for you to immediately shove Ellie’s face away, palm pressing harshly at her face as you kick away. It was a bit aggressive, and she pops up from your thighs groaning and pressing a hand to her now red forehead. Her lips are glassy with spit and your slick as she turns to look at the door. It makes your breath stutter.

“Hey, some of us are gonna go out for some brunch to talk, wanna come?” The shrill voice of your sorority sister Ali passes through the wood door, followed by a smiley sounding Dina, “and pleaseee come to the party tonight!”

Ellie watches you carefully, studying the way the color has drained from your face. How your ribs move up and down with hard breaths, how you pull your knees up to your chest to put space between the two of you. Ellie is literally witnessing you completely close back off as a blanket wraps around your frame, acting as a shield from her. The wasps finally are spilling out of your mouth with a jumble of words, “Yea, i'm not busy. Give me like twenty minutes ok?”

You won't even look at Ellie as you stand, shaking like a damn leaf as you kick around the clothes on the rug in a fit, moving after to the dresser. Quickly underwear is tugged over your hips, followed by a shirt.. and a skirt, all in complete silence.

Ellie has not moved an inch, looking on as you run around like a scared mouse about to be caught by a housecat, eyes wide and beady as you make sure your door is locked. She only is made to move when you throw her sweatshirt at her.

“You have to- you have to leave, sneak out.”

The words hang in the air, finally meeting her eyes. For a moment she seems frozen, mulling over the words you said, taking in the way her hair had blown back when you tossed her shirt to her. The moment dies, her face morphing into one of disbelief.

“Sneak out?” Ellie repeats, sounding literally dumbfounded.

“No one can see I have someone in here for a hookup,” the word burns your tongue, “especially not you.”

As soon as you say it, you feel the difference. The air in the room has gone cold, wasps now free from your stomach stinging harshly at both of you, though they flocked to Ellie more with every avoiding language you used.

“You’re unbelievable, really.” Ellie scoffs, sweatshirt pulling over her head. Her voice is low, completely emotionless in a way that makes you feel a little sick again. That light had switched off inside of her too, and you both watched on as the other stiffened, painting over the dreamy-ness of the morning instead with that known anger you feel in regards to each other. The one you had for months, bubbling right back up.

“Excuse me?” You narrow your eyes, moving to pull on flats, distracting the trembling of your body.

“I spent the night in your bed, I was just in between your thighs..” Ellie stands up, moving across the room as her voice raises, causing you to shush her quickly, eyes widening. As if this was the worst of your problems right now.

“Those are my marks on you. And you’re gonna kick me out and act like nothing happened, again?” Ellie accuses, shaking her head. “You know, for a second I thought- ” Ellie blinks, stumbling over her words.

You pause. Thought what? Thought you felt something? Thought last night changed you two? If Ellie had guessed any of those it would have been a bullseye, an arrow straight into your thumping heart. But never would you admit it.

“Fuck It doesn’t even matter. You are still the same stuck up bitch you’ve always been. I'm over it,” Ellie grumbles, adding another gut punch with the use of your name following it.

“Why are you being a dick Ellie? Its the fucking rules of the sorority.” You shake your head incredulously, motioning to her like she’s acting crazy. Like she has no right to be embarrassed by the fact you were shoving her out like some mistake again, after the fight that happened about the same thing last night. Here you are again, pushing her back and speaking with venom laced in your tone. Acting like that bitch you always were at parties, arms stiff against your chest.

“We both know that's not the reason,” Ellie goes again reading your mind, calling you out on every thorn coated excuse you spit.

“Stop being so dramatic and get out,” you hiss, no longer able to press any sensibility into your actions, too taken over by the feeling you use everyday to shield yourself, anger, avoidance, harshness.

“Okay, fine, no more.” Ellie says suddenly.

Your lips part to ask what she meant, but it's no use, she beats you to it.

“I'm not gonna get played like some toy for you again, the hook-ups,” she spits the word, “are done, i’m not fucking with you again. Not entertaining your game anymore.” The words shove you straight into a bucket of cold water, drenching you with a harsh shiver it brings to your spine.

It's the first time today that you realize you cannot just keep breaking the tip of a pencil and ask it to still write. The wood will scrape nastily against the paper, no words will come. You can't keep pushing Ellie and expect her to allow the little game you have played for months to continue. Especially not the more physical one that began two weeks ago.

Still, you press on, covering your whole body in stone. “Hook ups, Ellie. That’s all it was, haven’t you had them with half the fucking school?”

Ellie shakes her head again, pants tucked back on and backpack over her shoulder. “Yea. That’s all it is.”

She leaves through the door with a harsh slam of it, and you know better than to follow her and make sure no one sees.

Angry tears brush at your eyes, throat closing with the need to scream into something.

Ellie fucking Williams.

Why did it matter so much to you that she just left? For months you were completely fine shaming her to the depths of hell, you were fine with the insults and banter that you got at each party, where you picked out small bits of information about each other in between insults.

But that had changed the minute you were locked in that room with her in that frat party. It changed the moment your voices both pushed out words about how you had wanted this, leaving the admittance that you thought about each other out in the air. It only got worse the second time you welcomed her between your legs, kissing her like she was more than a hookup.. telling her you wanted her to stay the night.. falling asleep on her.

It had all been changing over and over since that first press of your lips to her own. You didn’t like it. Didn’t like how out of control it made you. So you instead will wallow in your own self destruction to keep that sense of control.

You aren’t sure how long passes before you move to change into a high necked shirt to cover the marks and walk out the door, but you will yourself to ignore the thoughts. You find your friends and walk out the door, acting like you haven’t just had the worst morning of your whole year.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

You’re warm again. Your legs hurt from the walking you had done with an empty stomach to this house on the very edge of campus, building a burn in your thighs. The uncomfortable amount of color corrector and concealer on your neck is beginning to feel sweaty, and you pull the neck of your top up a bit.

You had complained to Dina right away when she told you what frat tonight’s party would be at. It was over brunch, where you ordered nothing but a drink, unable to eat anything due to the constant swirling in your stomach. All of your sorority sisters had absolutely beamed when you agreed to go to the party, though your reasoning may be a little.. out of place. When you learned where it would be, your nose tilted up in disgust at the thought of the awful walk you had done a dozen times.

It was as bad as you thought, heels stretching against your shoes as you neared the house. Seriously, who puts a part of campus on a hill like this? It seems a bit inhumane to you.

When you reach the door, your feet pause, bumping into whichever of your friends is right behind you. “You scared or something? Parties can’t bite,” Ali giggled, making you shake your head.

No, but someone who may be inside this party could. One that you had pretty heavily pissed off this morning. The music is heard even from the door, and when you step in, that familiar heavy muggy feeling wraps around your body, curling your lip.

“I just dont get how you all enjoy these things, it feels like a sauna and smells like a fucking dump,” you mutter to her ear.

Dina pushes in, bumping her arm against your own. “You would enjoy them too if you let yourself relax a little. Always so strung up,” she shakes her head and pouts. The comments like those you receive daily usually slide off your back with no second thought, but for some reason that one stuck.

“Maybe,” the next words that you say felt foreign coming from your glossed lips, and a little fake, “I’ll try to relax.”

Dina grins even brighter, Ali clapping next to you like you had just won the fucking lottery or something. A tight smile presses to your mouth as you let the two girls drag you in along with the rest of your group.

The agreement wasn’t for the benefit of your friends, really. It was for your own sanity and a hopeful resolve to the awful sickness in your stomach and tightness in your muscles. You would blame it on the fact you had gotten worked up without relief this morning, not the way your chest hurt at the thought of the girl who had caused it.

Of course your words didn’t mean you would immediately follow Dina into the middle of the crowd of dancing college students, some of whom were embarrassing themselves by trying to climb on a table. No, you were still you. So you called it a cesspool with a scowl on your face when Dina suggested you dance. Instead you promised her you would talk to people and have a few drinks then meet up with them later if you were drunk enough to dance. Dina took what she could get.

So you made your way to the drink table, of which was tucked neatly in front of the sliding door that led to the backyard. You press your hair behind your ear as you lean over it, inspecting all the bottom shelf liquor that was already almost empty. For once you had left your hair mostly down, too much of a fuss to put it up and rid it of all the fly aways. Settling instead for pulling only some of it back with a pretty little bow that matched the shade of your skirt. Again, not exactly frat party material... but when had you ever dressed appropriately for them?

Your nose scrunched as you finally decided on the most untouched looking tequila, pouring a hefty amount into the solo cup your nails scraped against. The first sip makes your throat sting from the taste, but you refuse to add any of the juice that was left uncapped beside you. Always picking the harder option, apparently.

A giggle from behind you pulled you from the spit pooling in your mouth, and you turned to find the lips it belonged to. “Ellie, pour me a drink?” The voice asks, freezing you completely.

A very pretty girl tugs a tattooed arm to the opposite end of the table, the girl’s black painted nails dancing over the worst choice of vodka. Your eyes attach to the owner of the arm she’s dragging, stomach swooping when You are met with the side of Ellie’s face. It had been only a little over 12 hours since you’d seen this view, and it still made you woozy all over. Her face isn’t as hard as it had been this morning, when you fought with her and made her leave. No, Ellie looked generally relaxed, the pretty college girl on her arm probably the cause.

“Not sure you’re asking the right person, alcohol isn’t really my strong suit..” Ellie chuckled, still not having noticed you. When her eyes remove from the head of brunette hair she was focused on, the green instead focused on you. They drop back immediately, paying you absolutely no mind.

It makes your jaw click, unreasonably angry at how she could glance over you like you were a fucking brick wall. Your lips find the edge of the cup again, gulping down too long of a sip. Retrospectively, this was an awful idea, one that left you almost gagging as you pulled away, the liquid dripping from the corner of your mouth as you force down the last swallow. But it got Ellie’s attention on you again for a moment, her words stuttering just slightly as your fingers grip around the bottle, greedily taking that instead of the solo cup. So really it may be worth it. Not that you cared about Ellie’s gaze.

The wasps are making home in your stomach again the moment she looks at you again, almost curious. You swallow their buzzing down with a swig of the glass bottle.

You turn on your heel, annoyance only growing as you see the brunette lean onto Ellie. The tequila induced heat in your belly is fanning the flames already there. You had no right to be mad at Ellie, and a more reasonable part of your brain knew that. But the way she smiled down at the girl made you want to rip your fucking hair out.

Your feet plant heavily a few feet away, leaning back against the wall as you finally feel the liquor start to settle. Your eyelashes flutter, working hard to keep your attention in the middle of the party and not the chorus of voices to the side of you. You didn’t care what Ellie was doing. She was just a hook-up that ended badly. Your inner voice repeated similar phrases, trying to coax you into a false sense of security with the lie. It works only on the surface, your pupils still glancing over quickly every few seconds.

The straw that breaks your back Is when Ellie turns, leaning against the wall so the pretty girl can stand close to her as she fishes out a lighter, placing what you assume is a joint between her lips. The lighter is handed to the brunette, who flicks it to life and leans in even closer, lighting it for Ellie.

She’s fucking showing off, taunting you, you’re sure of it. Even if she doesn’t glance your way once, you are convinced of this. Maybe it’s a little egotistical to assume, but you were nothing if not sure of yourself. The bottle in your hand is brought up for another sip before you set it carelessly down on the floor, marching away from the scene.

It isn’t long before what you were looking for happens, a taller man stopping you in your tracks as you wander aimlessly around the party, avoiding finding auburn hair in the crowd. He smiles down at you, and you almost say finally out loud. One sway of your hip while you walked and they were on you like flies.

Men are too easy. Fun little tools for you to finally use with reason. Tonight’s reason being to distract yourself from a certain body pressed into some corner of this house. A little deeper your mind whispers it’s also to piss off that same someone, who you had no business bothering anymore.

The stench of weed is what you notice first about him, and then the blonde hair. Your nose almost crinkles when he smiles. Its too bright, too confident for how close he is to a girl he doesn’t even know.

Or maybe he does, saying your name as he greets you, “Haven't seen you at one of these in a while, where have you been?”

It takes everything in you to entertain the small talk, fingers toying around to find where you had hidden your lip gloss. Finding it in the waistband of your skirt, you eye him as you apply it with a hum. His eyes follow every movement. Like you said, easy.

“Yea.. I was really sick, What’s your name again?” You tilt your head, blinking curiously.

“Gabriel,” the blonde introduces himself, grinning again in a way you could never find charming. Not how you did with a freckled cheeked smirk.

“Right.. how have you been?” You play into the conversation, which seems to shock the smile right off Gabriel’s face. You were actually giving some frat boy the time of day? It probably would stun anyone around you, more so when you leaned forward and pressed a pretty finger on his arm, dragging it down to wipe at some blue liquid. “You had something there,” you explain, glancing up.

Gabriel seems all too worked up from the smallest touch, sending a wave of confidence through you. “I've been uh— been good. Started selling some bud a month or so back, get it from my dad’s friend..”

“Mhm..” you nod, tuning out his voice as someone walks behind him, auburn haired and laughing as she tugs the same brunette with her still. They find the couch that was nearby, still in your sightline as they sit. You swear you see her look over toward you and stay there for a second, but Gabriel’s voice is distracting you too much to tell.

When it comes back to the forefront of your mind, he was going on and on about selling weed, and you can’t help but think of Ellie again. She was never this annoying about it.

“You know, I give a pretty girl discount..” he says, stepping closer as a hand reaches out to play at the hem of your skirt. You have to fight the urge to slap it away, not wanting his probably dirty hands on the clean fabric. But the comment actually intrigued you, despite your pure hatred for the substance.

Maybe it was a way to subdue that ever growing anger, putting your lips to one of the two things you never wanted to. Your mind had fallen to this place last time you saw Ellie smoke, fogging over your previously bad experiences with weed. That curiosity was creeping up again, and the thought Ellie may see you with a joint in your mouth after shaming her daily for it, it made you a sick sort of excited. It was becoming useless to deny this whole.. scene wasn't about getting a rise out of Ellie, but you would still try as you say the next words.

“Yea? I’ve never really smoked actually, I'm kinda curious..” your voice drops a bit lower, flashing your pretty eyes up at Gabriel. Yea, that definitely was what this was about. Not about the way your throat tightens when you see Ellie throw her head back in a laugh behind Gabriel.

“And I’m kind of curious about this pretty skirt,” Gabriel says quietly, sending an uncomfortable tremble over your body. God, men had some fucking nerve. Still you play into it, leaning on your tippy toes to press your lips to the shell of his ear, ignoring the bile rising in your throat. You’re speaking to him, but your eyes are dead set on the couch behind you.

It isn't his hand settling on your waist that makes you jump, even if he would think that. No, it was the gaze that shifted up to you from the couch, hawkeyed on your lips that began to move against Gabriel’s ear.

“Maybe if give me that pretty girl discount and make it worthwhile— I can give you more interesting things to be curious about,” your breath hits Gabriel’s skin, and you like the way he shivers from it. Nothing else you like however, definitely not the words you pushed from your lips. The tequila made it easier, slipping weightless promises against the boy you would definitely never bother with again.

It works like a charm, your lips dripping with honey as you pull back, smiling while Gabriel scrambles through his pockets, pulling out a rather shitty looking joint. You weren’t exactly skilled on how they should look, but it sure isn’t this. The paper is crumpled slightly in places, building it uneven and a bit sad looking. You don't comment on this, and keep yourself from scoffing when his fingers reach forward to open your palm and place it there, the pads of his digits lingering a second too long.

“Try it and then come back and let me know if it was worthwhile,” Gabriel emphasizes your own words back at you, and your fingers curl around the joint. You couldn’t help but find him stupid for this, wondering how much of his inventory he had lost by girls playing a similar game. It would have been smarter to offer you smoke with him, but the blonde was far from that.

You manage one more brush against him before you send him a smile, turning around. “Will do, pretty boy.”

Your feet pad against the wood floor as you make a point to take the long route to your next destination, passing right by the couch. You can feel heat crawl up the nape of your neck, a strong set of eyes on your every move as you pass by. Purposely you ignore the burn, the refusal to give in to the pull it made you feel.

You swoop around the edge of the room, searching around until you find the head of black hair, bopping around to the song currently blasting on the speakers. You step over wrappers and poorly discarded cups as you trudge closer, unfortunately, to the middle of the crowd. The joint is still tightly tucked in your palm, which allows no space to wipe the grime you can feel building on your body from the shared heat the group was forming.

“Dina,” you call out, making her turn away from who was pressing against her. It takes you a moment to realize it was Jesse, his face bright red from the drinking and dancing. You greet him with an awkward smile before moving close enough to Dina that you can whisper in her ear.

“Do you have a lighter?”

“What?” Dina shouts, ringing your eardrums. You scowl at her, causing a sheepish smile to bloom on her face.

“A lighter,” you repeated, Dina’s eyes shining when she understands.

“Oh! Yea,” her hand leaves its place on Jesse, rummaging through the pockets of the pants she was wearing, pulling out a mini red lighter. “Here babe,” she grins, and you want to kiss her cute cheeks for not asking anymore questions.

You swipe the object with your free hand, saying something about seeing her later before pushing quickly out of the pile of college students, back to the comfort of the edges of the too small room.

Your legs push you forward, huffing at the gross feeling lingering on your clothes as you find the sliding door again. You push away the drink table to get through, pulling it closed behind you.

The cool night air wraps around your skin, and you can finally fucking breathe out. It felt like your chest had been building up one big heave all night, only able to escape the moment the cold breeze met your lungs. It pushes into the darkness in front of you, the only light that of the colors that bled outside from the glass door, flashing every now and again. A small flickering tan bulb sits to the side of the door, but that barely lights more than the color of your shirt when you sit directly under it. You stumble slightly, the liquor in you having more of an effect than you would like to admit.

No one else was out here yet, the party still building up in stamina, no one but you willing to tear away from it for fresh air. You pull your skirt under you, regretting it instantly when you shift against the concrete stair. You could practically feel the threads ripping. That was the smallest thing on your mind however, instead opening your palm to show the tiny joint.

Honestly, you hadn’t a clue what to do as you raised it between your thumb and forefinger, feeling it. Your free hand fiddles with Dina’s lighter, sparking it.

You swipe through film reels in your mind to try and remember the proper way to light it, and every single option has Ellie’s face. Any semblance of an idea you could find regarding this type of thing would always include a memory of Ellie. Ellie at some party, spitting remarks at you as your eyes trace the way she holds whatever smoke she has between her lips. Ellie handed a neatly sealed bag to some student, fingers flipping through the cash she received for it. Ellie showing someone how to smoke for the first time.

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. A strange lump rises in your throat to know she isn’t the one actually here to help you with this, but you swallow it down as you dip your mind back into each red coated memory, pausing on one in particular, a clearer study of Ellie’s fingers slightly twirling a joint as she lit it, looking to get an even burn.

You follow memory Ellie’s actions, and sigh when a red ring wraps around the tip of the joint. You debate for a long second before bringing it to your mouth, sucking in. It felt wrong to do, completely alien as your gloss sticks slightly to the tip. The long pull you take draws a large cough from you as you lean forward and pull the paper from your mouth, throat burning.

If anyone else was around you would be embarrassed, your usually steady demeanor totally falling down as you shake slightly from the tipsiness and bad hit you just took.

Your throat aches, but you much prefer that burn to the one that sat heavily in your chest all day. The rising level of dazedness continues as the tequila works its way though your system, now accompanied by the baby hits you continue to take from your burning joint.

You can’t be sure it's even doing anything, the quick intake and push out of the smoke you have going on. If someone was here to teach you, maybe it wouldn't be burning to ash faster than the hits you were taking.

Your eyes fall in front of you, at the almost pitch black backyard, thrumming with the sounds of crickets and leaves. It’s more comfortable than the base you can feel pounding against the door. Tilting your head up, you let your dizzy eyes focus on the stars, tracing constellations you could find. Sometimes something like this could be your only source of peace.

Your hand raises, covering the light with your pinky, watching the way it still spills out from the sides. A particular patch draws too much similarity to the freckles that coat Ellie under eye, something you would much rather trace with your finger. The moment of peace dies.

Your hand drops at your mind’s tricks, unable to go even a moment without some vision of her clouding your actions. The awful games your conscious plays on you continues with the scraping sound of the sliding door, a voice too similar to Ellie’s asking “You out here alone?”

It sounds like her, but you assume you misheard. Waving one of your hands back in a ‘fuck off’ motion to whoever it may be. It happened to be the hand holding your joint, causing a bit of ash to fall against your hand with the rough movement. “Ouch,” you pout to yourself, assuming the stranger would turn on their heel and leave, as they usually do.

The motion only pushes this person on though, slamming the door closed, feet padding on the concrete.

You turn, ready to berate whoever was ruining your alone time, but it really is Ellie. Her shirt is slightly hanging off to one side, hair pressed behind her ears. Its the closest look you’ve gotten so far tonight, and the devil on your tipsy shoulder says you should tell her pretty face to fuck off.

You don’t, made completely wordless as she leans down over you. Ellie rips the joint from your fingers, inspecting the flimsy paper and wet with gloss tip. You had only gotten a third of the way through, apparently. You blink quickly as she steps to you.

“You're smoking, and it's not even my weed,” the taller snickered, letting the still burning joint ash off onto the cement while she towers over you. You want to slap her, demand she gives you back your shit and leave you alone like she had claimed to be doing from now on. Instead you just start talking.

“How’d you know it was me?” You ask, eyeing the auburnette as she fiddles with the object between her fingers.

“No one but you would wear a fucking bow in their hair like that to a sleazy frat party.”

Scoffing, you hold your palm out so she can hand back the joint. She refuses, not even paying mind to your motion. It makes you bite down on your lip to keep from swearing.

“His bud fucking sucks by the way, thats why no one buys from him. And he can’t roll for shit,” she flicks her wrist to enhance the words, the uneven and poorly packed joint acting as something to follow with your eyes.

Ellie continues babbling, like this was some normal conversation between friends, “He charges way too much for a fucking eighth of his basically brown, dry shit. I’m sure your throat hurts from it right now, hm?”

“Ellie,” you interrupt, pushed on by the liquor dripping down your stomach. “Why are you out here?”

Ellie’s jumble of words stop, the joint completely out now as it stays clenched between the long fingers.

“I was coming out to smoke,” she shrugged, “I knew the stars were gonna look nice tonight and it was getting too busy in there to sit on the couch. Didn’t exactly expect to find ms perfect had already claimed the smoke spot.”

Ellie mentioning the stars you had just been staring up at makes you swallow into your dry throat, trying not to allow your mind to wander to the questions about Ellie’s apparent knowledge.. or at least like, of the night sky.

You don’t meet her eyes, “don’t you have a girl to entertain?” it's leaking with obvious jealousy when you say it, slightly slurred by your glossy lips.

Ellie dances around your comment, ignoring your attitude. “Are you drunk right now?”

“Are you drunk right now?” you retort, a voice unlike your own— one shrillier and more childish, mocking her. You say it before you can stop yourself, immediately embarrassed by the comment.

You really need to stop drinking tequila, and being around Ellie, seemingly the only two things that can make you this immature and impulsive.

So impulsive that when Ellie throws your joint out into the grass somewhere and takes a seat next to you, you don't immediately stand and hit her. You just keep on pestering.

“Seriously, I thought you,” you raise your digits to make air quotes , “weren't entertaining my game anymore,” your hands wave as you do a very bad Ellie impression, lowering your voice to repeat the words drilled into your mind this morning. Ones that had played in your head like a tune you couldn’t get out, a recording pressed to restart over and over. You treated it like a joke, a taunt.

“I’m not. Just sitting to have a smoke..you just happen to be here,” Ellie muttered, looking at the tree line instead of you.

“Go smoke with that brunette,” you reply in a clipped tone, no longer able to bite back the overflow of bitter comments about the pretty girl who had been longing all over Ellie inside. Ellie doesn’t ignore it this time, hitting back with her own jab.

“Go be a slut with Gabriel for a joint again.”

Your face turns red, ears ringing as she admits she was watching on to your little show with the blonde man. The liquid in your stomach threatens to cause a spree of mean responses at her comment despite this, offended by the harsh words as much as they warmed you. But you only manage, “Fuck you. Maybe I will, you just threw mine out.”

Ellie shakes her head, almost looking regretful for the comment. She pulls out one of her own pre rolls from a little tin in her pocket, the one she always carries. You could never make out the design on it before, always having been much further away when she pulled it out previous to now. It has sharpie drawings all over it, which you assume she does it herself, but she's tucking it back away before you get a look.

This one was much more even and tightly packed of course, no sign it had been pressed together by nervous hands. Ellie hadn’t lied in her ramblings, but that only annoyed you more.

“If you’re gonna smoke, smoke my shit.”

You glance at her for a moment, at the outstretched fingers leaning toward you.

“I don’t even think I did it right,” you admit quietly. It hangs in the trees for a moment, blowing with the twigs that hang from them. It’s a small nudge, an agreement to for at least for a moment ignore the way Ellie was purposefully ignoring every question you asked. Ignoring this morning. “I don’t feel anything but tipsy, nothin like what people say it feels like.”

Maybe weed just didn’t work on you, someone cursed to always be so uptight. Or maybe you just were shit at smoking.

“Well it’s not gonna feel the same when you’re already drunk,” Ellie scoots a bit closer, just barely brushing your arm as she lights the tip of the paper, watching the even burn follow.

“Gettin’ crossfaded feels different from just being high. You might not like it.”

It's too embarrassing to ask what crossfaded means, but you use the context of the situation to assume it has something to do with drinking and smoking at the same time. “Still wanna try,” your eyes land again on the pre roll, knees turning to face in toward El, jean clad legs bumping against your own bare ones.

“Don't be so needy,” Ellie mumbled as the joint is pulled just slightly between her lips, taking in a much larger breath than you had ever done.

The word makes your legs shift, warm and searching to rid the slight pulse it caused. Ellie’s eyes immediately glance down to them, noticing the reaction even more than yourself. She doesn’t comment on it.

She takes one more hit before passing it to you, steadily slotting it between your thumb and pointer finger.

“Wipe your gloss off,” she instructs, making you look at her curiously. “You don't want to make this part wet, and only put your lips on it a bit.”

You follow her directions a little too well, free thumb wiping across your lips, a blaze of green following the motion intently. Then the joint is placed, this time more gently, between your lips.

“Good,” Ellie nods, making you shiver slightly. The word wraps around your throat, squeezing like fingers, dizzying your head more than this smoke ever could. You internally slap yourself, screaming to get a grip, to stop this flood of feeling again.

“Now take a breath in, a big one, but if your throat starts to sting even a little, blow out right away, don't try and finish the hit. It’ll make the cough worse.”

The step by step instructions help just as you had imagined it would, a much smoother drag happening following Ellie’s words. She watches on carefully, and from the corner of your eye you can see her swallow at the same time the smoke pushes past your lips, out into the backyard air.

“Take another,” Ellie adds after a beat of silence, and you doubt this one is for your own sake. You listen like a dog being bribed with a bone, your version of treat being Ellie’s attention fixated solely on you. With another pull, your head tilts back and up to the stars again, copying a move you had seen Ellie do at countless parties as you blow out.

The joint is pulled from your grip before your chin even tilts back down. Ellie’s gaze is set straight ahead again as she takes a few puffs of her own, jaw much tighter than before.

You can't help but ask a little slower, “Did I do good?”

The game Ellie vowed to take an axe to was starting up again, pushing the line between you two again, like you had any right to do so. Like your scissors had any right to cut the string threaded between the two of you. But it was already fraying, blade taken to it one too many times.

Ellie does her best to knot it back together, “You did,” falling from her muffled lips stiffly. But her metaphorical hands are shaking, unable to tie that knot as your eyes glance at her hand that’s near her mouth.

“You did good,” she repeats, smoke puffing out with her words.

You nod, settling for this as an answer as you tear away from watching her smoke, staring up to continue finding pictures in the sky.

A few moments pass, building the thick fog of tension between you as the feeling finally hit. It makes you squeeze your eyes shut, the whole damn planet spinning for a second before it settles into a more liveable feeling.

It's the first time your body doesn’t feel heavy, first time you aren’t acutely aware of your skirt dirtying beneath you, hairs falling from the white colored bow. For once you don’t give a fuck what you may look like— though the crossed feeling may not be the only component to this, the person sitting next to you also seeming to lull you into an unusual allowance to let go.

“How does it feel?” Ellie questions, you can feel her hot breath on you now, her face turned to face your cheek, watching your chest move slowly.

It takes a moment to find your voice, a little embarrassingly too far gone from such a small amount of hits, though you guess mixing this with the tequila was probably more likely the cause. “good,” you lick your dry lips.. frowning slightly when not met with the usual wet gloss. You don't mind too much right now, instead set on answering Ellie’s question.

You aren’t even sure how to describe the feeling, words not being able to mesh together correctly to find a proper explanation, only able to ask, “I wanna take another,” head nodding toward her.

You turn your head, still tilted back slightly as you raise your fingers to take the joint. Before you can, it’s already against your lips. Ellie is holding the joint for you, and that string that laid between you two has fallen completely to your feet. The game back on.

You catch her eyes as you take a breath in, her pupils blown wide and slightly red, just as high looking as your own.

You aren’t sure what pushes you to make your next move, maybe the weed, maybe how pretty Ellie looked when she pulled the joint away from you, lip trembling gently with a breath. Whatever it is, it pushes you forward, pressing against her lips.

Her lips part slightly immediately, opening up as the smoke from your hit pools out between the kiss, hot enough to burn your eyes that quickly close. Her tongue swipes over your bottom lip, wetting it a bit more before pressing into a deeper kiss again. You aren’t sure where her joint has gone, but soon both hands are free and on your cheeks, pressing into the fat there, forcing you to stay connected as lomg as she deemed.

By the time she lets you pull back from the now sloppy kiss, drool pulls at the corner of your mouth, and you’re wheezing for a breath. But you still chase her lips, only pushing her further back.

“We have to stop doing this,” Ellie whispers against your neck as her hands move to grip under your thighs, lifting you up to her lap, your eyes meeting the glass door— reminding you again that if anyone looked a little too closely they would see you. You blink hard, not making out any bodies near the table.

It takes another second for you to recall Ellie’s words, “doing what?” you ask, a little more breathy as Ellie’s lips find your jaw.

“Fucking instead of talking. Never ends well,” Ellie says, still continuing her trail of wet kisses, pausing to wipe away the makeup covering your hickies. She doesn’t bite over them this time, instead just lazily pressing soft lips over all of the half covered bruises.

“Third times a charm?” You try, eyes deadset still on the flashing colors of the door.

Ellie’s hand falls down your chest, pushing up under your shirt to find your boobs, kneading the fleshy fat, tweaking your nipples a little too meanly, sending a wave straight down to your lower belly. You whine, mouth falling open with a small series of gasps.

“What’re you looking at? Look at me,” Ellie whispers against the ear closest to her cheek, words willing your head to not fall against her neck, instead pulling back to look at her, grumbling when her hand falls from its place in your shirt.

You knew how she played by now, sensing her next movements before she can even play them, so you don’t dare ignore her question. “The door.. was making sure-” head spinning deliciously when her cold hand pressed under your skirt, pushing your panties to the side, swiping the pad of two fingers over your weepy slit, “making sure no one was looking.” you finish.

Her hand appears again from under your skirt, a devilish grin pulling at the features of her face you can barely see. “Doesn’t really seem like you give a fuck if someone sees,” Ellie chides, the fingers popping into her mouth, you see her cheeks indent slightly as she licks your wetness from her fingers, replacing it with that from her own tongue when the digits fall back out of her lips, and back down to its original spot, sliding over your cunt again.

“Maybe that's what you need,” Ellie begins, tracing you by only dipping the finger in very slightly, feeling the throbbing muscle. You know where this is going, you can already taste the degrading words about to come on your tongue, and you happily will lap at whatever insult she has coming. Your head is dizzy enough already, limbs slow moving as they grasp at her shoulders, trying to grind yourself down into it.

“Maybe you need to get caught,” Ellie hums as one finger finally bottoms out in you, a sweet whine drawn from you at the sensation. “Maybe that’ll get you to stop acting like such a bitch about sleeping with me..if its all out in the open,” she emphasizes the words with a slow thrust, the wet sound echoing in the air, the thumping beat from inside the house behind you falling as a backdrop to the much louder sopping wet sounds.

“You want that, princess? Want someone to find me fucking you open on my fingers? Maybe that asshole you talked to? Bet he’d love to see my girl bouncing on these fingers.” Ellie continues, a possessive tilt to her voice. You have half a mind to bring up the brunette she was with, but then she’s pressing another finger into the mix and scissoring them inside you ever so lightly, exploring the walls that squeeze around the long digits. The pet name falls so easily from her lips that it takes you back to before this morning, when everything was just slightly less messy.

“Fuck,” you whine, forehead falling against her’s, willing yourself to hope that the drink table in front of the door covers you enough, that if someone passing by looked all they would see was two shadows likely kissing. The shaky logic just made it even more exhilarating, grinding down on her fingers. “No, I don't- don’t wanna get caught,” you whimper, but make no effort to stop the movements.

Ellie’s breath mixes with your own as you keep yourself close, chin tilting in to speak directly against your lips, “too dark for anyone to see..” she assures, easing your mind slightly, “unless they look a bit too hard,” Ellie murmured, then pressing forward to kiss you again, which you graciously accepted.

Her fingers move in and out at an excruciatingly slow pace, playing with you before speeding up gently when you cry out at the curl of her fingers. “El, more— please,” you ask against her lips, words swallowed by her greedy mouth, kissing you again with swollen lips.

“Askin so nicely,” Ellie praised, rewarding you with a quickening pace, sucking a large gulp of air into your lungs. Your head swirls above your body, too overwhelmed by all of the mixing sensations to continue the kiss, just breathing into her mouth, nose brushing against hers. For being in such an open place, it feels rather intimate and soft, directly opposite to the words that spew on from Ellie’s always moving lips.

“You wanna come? Wanna soak my fingers for me? Right here where anyone could walk out?” Ellie cooed the words, taunting you again with the one thing you feared. It doesn’t matter anymore, the tangles in your belly making it useless to fight her words. You nod dumbly, any speaking choked in your throat.

“Words, baby..” Ellie chatisizes, slowing her fingers. The loss of friction has you babbling quickly, whiny sounding and completely out of it, “No, el please keep going. I w‘na come, please let me come,” you beg against her, loud enough for her but a whisper to the rest of the world.

Ellie makes a noise of approval from your rambling, quickening her pace again, this time rougher, tips of her fingers always hitting that spot that makes your knees buckle and hips buck. The high that's settling over you like a fog only makes it feel even better, each touch of her other hand against your skin has you trembling, feeling like a thousand little satellites lighting across your body. Your head falls, watching the leaf ink of her arm move back and forth with each push of her fingers, your folds drooling around her fingers. Her thumb come to circle your clit— which has you trying to slap her hand away at the burning feeling, almost too much.

Ellie’s free hand dances up you, fingers finding home on your neck, squeezing enough to make you look up, forced to meet Ellie’s searching eyes. “You can take it, keep looking at me,” she breathes, squeezing her hand enough to make you sputter, eyes burning. It pushes the lightheaded daze you're in further, even stronger now as you feel yourself clenching around her, a new wave of wetness following each slick sounding plunge into you.

You follow the order, blurry eyes focused directly on hers, pulling your heart in five different ways as you blink quickly, tears clinging to your lashes as the squeeze on your throat continues. Ellie is looking at you like you are the only thing she’s ever seen, enamored by your parted mouth, sticky strings of spit connecting your lips, by your flushed cheeks and teary eyes. She’s looking at you like you are the stars above her head, and thats what sends you tumbling into your orgasm, that look.

It comes with a loud cry, struggling to bubble through your tightly gripped throat, searching for another gulp of air as you shake in her lap. It's the most intense orgasm you think you may have ever felt, ten times stronger due to the connecting details that lead to it. The high, the fear of being caught, her hand, that look, it all makes the feeling even fucking better, and you can feel how much you’ve soaked her hand when she pulls out. You feel out of your body, like you have been released from your skin and instead into the air, ready to float up to the stars. The only thing that holds you here is Ellie’s soft voice against your hiccuping cheek.

“Gotta breathe baby, you did so good for me,” Ellie kisses your cheek, and you can feel her messily wiping her fingers against your thigh, something you would have complained about if you were any more in charge of your brain at the moment.

The next set of breaths come a bit slower, finding place in your body again as you come back down, closing your eyes and slumping into Ellie. Your eyes flick to the door, happy to see no one there, and no one nearby.

You both sit in silence for a moment, not sure what to do next. Ellie dashes any hopes of a quiet and easy end to this hookup with her next words.

“Let me take you on a date,” Ellie says quietly, tone out of that harsh one and back into a much softer one. It's totally at the wrong time. But nothing you two did was ever timed right.

“Fuck off,” you reply immediately, making her pinch your hip. “I mean it you asshole,” Ellie grumbled, refusing to meet your eyes. That was fine by you, as your heart hammered so hard against your ribs you were convinced it may jump out if she looked at you while saying this.

“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” you rasp, throat dry and quiet as you respond to the ridiculous situation, still riding out the aftershocks.

“Yea,” Ellie nods, “Been wanting to ask from that first fucking party, always played into your fights cause it meant i got your attention, picked on you so I could—” Ellie babbles, burning your cheeks a bright red. You search for a way out of the conversation, a way to avoid the festering emotions it brings. But you can’t, not anymore. The words are too real, no longer tiptoeing around the truth like you two loved to do. Too much to push off without completely breaking what was going on here.

“Stop,” you beg, making Ellie stiffen slightly. “Stop embarrassing yourself, I’ll go on a date with you,” you finish, reveling in the way Ellie relaxes. It takes a lot to say, ripping away all semblance of control you felt over the situation. You were finally giving in to your own feelings, to Ellie’s.

“Who knew all I had to do was ask you after an orgasm?” Ellie jokes, again with the awful timing. You shove her half heartedly, shuffling your panties back into place as you clamber off her lap, movement stumbly as you settle next to her, thighs still shaking.

“Stop talking,” you mutter, rubbing a hand over your eyes, still feeling high. Ellie grins beside you, looking like she had just won a prize despite your targeted words. It tugs at your heart again, descending it into the pit of your stomach, where it rolls around and sends an uncontrollable giggle past your lips. It feels wrong coming from you, and you press your fingers to your lips to stop any more.

“You-“ Ellie starts, but you make a quick noise to stop her calling you out on the giggle.

“If you stop talking I’ll walk out the party together with you,” you hold out your finger to stop her words. Ellie seems to be a talkative high tonight, much to your own disadvantage. It hurts your cheeks and chest from how hard all her words made them pull.

Ellie hums, eyes narrowing slightly. It was a big enough step for the both of you. Not a promise of anything serious, but your own way of an apology for all the sneaking around, all the fights and bitchy moves you have pulled these last weeks. It’s a promise to at least give it a shot.

Ellie makes the same promise as she stares at you and nods, “Deal.”

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x fem reader #ellie williams fluff

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thelovelyruin · 7 months

Text

𝖎 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 : choso x fem reader

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖚𝖓 : choso wasn’t taking the break up well, and honestly, neither were you.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖔𝖔𝖓 : smut, angst with a happy ending, porn with plot, vaginal sex, praise, love, teasing, fingering, edging.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖙 : 4.3K

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗 : inspired by lyrics from i know by big sean and jhene aiko.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘 : hello lovelies, thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoy it; if so, follow me for more. au revoir!

18+ MDNI ADULT CONTENT

I know you've been going through some things…

When Choso wanted to come out and relax get over you, he definitely wanted some time away from you. So, why the fuck were you here? You walked into the club, not noticing him in the upstairs balconies, sitting in a section with Yuuji and some of the other guys. As much as he tried not to, he couldn’t keep his gaze off you. You were wearing those high heels you know he’d love; they made your legs look so pretty, and because of that, it made your ass pop. That was being covered up by some skimpy dress you’d found, probably one of the ones you wore before you guys got together. Not that he didn’t allow you to wear it, but it was hard for him to pull it down every few moments. You had your hair in some cute curls, makeup done all pretty, fuck, it made him miss you. But, unfortunately, fuck you, and not literally.

I know you don't even love the same, do you?

Once you and your friends found your section, you sat your things down and went up to the bar, presumably to start a tab. What he wasn’t expecting was for you to look around as you sat there, finally making eye contact with him. When you saw him, you didn’t look away, instead looking at him with disgust and walking your way back to your section. That made him really fucking pissed. It’s not like he’d thought you be happy to see him but fuck.

Gotta get away, make it happen; whatever happened just had to happen.

“You good man?”

Yuuji had placed a hand on his shoulder, looking concerned as Choso stared down at you with a locked jaw.

“Yeah, peachy.”

“It’s cause she’s here, huh? What the hell even happened with you guys?”

Well, to put it simply, Choso was a bad drunk. He would always fight with random people or get pissed and throw things, but never at you; he wasn’t that crazy. But he was crazy. Especially two weeks back, he got drunk with the boys and returned to your apartment. You were pissed at him, firstly because he came in at 4 in the morning but also because he decided to drive home. And crash his fucking car. That had been your last straw, packing your bags immediately as he wrapped around you, crying, begging you to stay, but being so fed up at that point, you brushed him off. You hadn’t talked to him since then, and he fuckin’ hated that.

You weren’t even giving him a chance to make things right, just throwing your whole relationship away, two long years. He’d put a limit to his drinking since then, not like he was an alcoholic or anything, but when he did drink, he got fucked up. So, he limited himself to three shots, enough to get him buzzed but not nearly enough to black out. He’d started smoking cigarettes again, too, smoking one whenever he missed you. He went through a pack every two days.

I know you've been dancing, dancing, dancing like you fucking got a reason.

Then, there were those fuckin’ rumors. He’d heard through a friend of a friend that you’d moved on pretty quickly, a little too quick, in fact, enough to make Choso think of the possibility you’d cheated on him, and that’s why you left, but he knew deep down it was because of his fuckups and the rumors were far from true. But that wouldn’t stop him from being himself, especially when some random bastard was buying you a drink.

You looked like you whispered something to him, making him call the bartender. She’d handed you two a shot of something, clicking your glass against his and throwing it back. Choso had to look away before he went down there and beat his ass the main reason he needed to stop drinking. Instead, he pulled out a cigarette and focused on the conversation Yuuji and the others were having. For 5 minutes.

What the fuck were you doing? He had distracted himself for a few minutes, that was until he saw you in his peripheral vision. Dancing on that bastard. He took another swig of his Jack and Coke, Yuuji looking over his shoulder and seeing what was happening. He also saw when you’d raised your eyes to Choso, and Choso fixed his eyes on you. He was fucking fuming. This random motherfucker was touching on his girl you, putting his hand on your hips as you rubbed your ass on him. Choso found every piece of self-control he had; you were fucking teasing him. You’d let the guy play with the hem of your dress and set his head on your shoulder, all while looking up at your RECENTLY ex-boyfriend. You turned around then, Choso getting a good view of this guy rubbing his hand over your ass. He’d like the idea that you were too fucked up and gotten more comfortable than you realized, but when you turned around and shot him a kiss, he crushed that fucking cigarette in his hand.

You need to be taken care of and pampered, but just like a pamper, he on that childish shit.

You’d walked off from the guy, him trying to follow you and you popping his hand. Now, getting violent is exactly what you’d expect Choso to do, and that’s why he had other plans. He’d waited until you’d sit back down and called the bottle girl working the sections tonight.

“Hey, you see that girl down there?”

He pointed down at you in your pink patent leather dress clear heels to match. She nodded quickly.

“Yeah, that girl in the pink? What do you want her number or something? She’s real sweet.”

“Nah, just want you to do me a favor. Take this and pay for all her drinks; if she asks who, point at me.”

“You got it!”

Choso handed her his card as she walked away. After a few minutes, the girl began talking to you, then pointed at Choso, who was sipping his drink. You’d whispered something in her ear, and she left the table, promptly returning to him. She handed him his card, and he looked at her for a response.

“She’s done drinkin’ for the night, went ahead and charged it! I pointed you out for her, and she told me to tell you ‘thanks, baby”.”

Choso thanked her and smiled, “Baby” huh? That got him pretty happy, it being the kindest you’d been to him in weeks. He’d looked back at you, and you weren’t in the seat, presumably off to dance with your friends or go to the bathroom. Yuuji, who saw the whole thing go down, shook his head and sat his hand on Choso’s shoulder.

“You’re fuckin’ toxic, dude.”

I know you feel like sometimes y'all don't speak the same language.

Choso and Yuuji began talking about something that was wrong with his car; think he needed a tune-up or something, but that was cut short when you’d walked up to the table, jabbing Choso’s shoulder.

“The fuck are you doing?”

“Whatcha mean, princess?”

“Don’t call me that; you know exactly what I mean.”

“No, actually I don’t. Enlighten me.”

“Maybe if you weren’t fuckin’ drinking, you’d know what the hell I’m talking about.”

That one hurt. He could tell it hurt you to say it, but nonetheless, you kept your arms folded.

“I’m not allowed to buy you things anymore?”

“So, that’s what this is? You buying me back?”

“It seems that’s the only way to get your attention nowadays. Haven’t blocked my number, but leaving me on read? You’re fuckin’ with me.”

“Yeah, it’s cause you’re fuckin’ toxic, texting me after 2 a.m., telling me how much you miss me?”

“It’s because I do, want me to lie to you?”

“No, I want you to fuck off. I’m fuckin’ leaving.”

With that, you walked away from him, leaving him with his jaw locked. You’d told him exactly what you wanted, and he had to accept that. Maybe. He put the cash on the table for his tab, saying bye to the guys, chasing after you.

I know you've been going through some things; wanna get away, baby, let me be your vacation.

When Choso found you, you were sitting on the back patio, smoking a cigarette and crying as you looked at your feet. He hated that he was the one making you feel like this, and he felt like it was his job to fix it. That’s why he brought his arms around you, hugging you from behind. You’d known that hug from anywhere but were too damn sad to move him. To be honest, you really needed one. He’d guided you from the patio to the parking lot, opening his car door and setting you in.

“Want me to take you home?”

“Yeah…”

“Where are you stayin’ now?”

“I want to go home.”

You wanted to go back to your guys’s apartment. Choso felt himself perk up a little; your wanting to go back home was a step, right? He put his hand on your thigh, which you moved almost instantly as he pulled out of the parking lot. You leaned back in the seat, opening the window for fresh air. He thought you looked so beautiful. Flustered cheeks, smiling as your hair blew out the window. It made him smile, seeing you happy again; he couldn’t remember the last time you did.

You came back down in the seat, giving him an awkward smile, wrapping your arms around his arm on the gearshift, laying your head against it. You looked like you were gonna nap, but your eyes were opened like you were thinking about something. Choso was thrilled by the attention you were giving him, but it was pretty hard to drive. All he had to do was focus on not crashing, but then again, maybe that’s what you wanted, emotionally, that is.

I know you know I am down for whatever; you know I'm just here to make you feel better.

Take a load off on my private island, come inside, and go into hidin’.

Choso parked outside your apartment building, taking a second to ensure you were awake before taking you out of the car. You didn’t feel like standing, so you hopped up so he could carry you bridal style. He was trying so hard to be respectful, but your tits were sitting right in front of him; if you guys were on good terms, he’d be sucking on them by now.

Now, when Choso said he missed you, he really did. Was it normal to think about your ex while you, ya know? Probably not, but when he tried to think about anything else, all that came to him were early morning sessions with you or spontaneous fucks in his car. Right now, he was pretty fuckin’ hard, but the mission was to get you ready and put you to sleep.

Choso unlocked the door to the apartment, carrying you inside. He took off your heels and fixed your dress, sitting you down. He turned around to lock the door, about to take you to-

I know that you've been sacrificin’ your time and need time to unwind and let go, so let go, and let's go.

You wasted no time, bringing Choso’s head into your hands as you kissed him. He was too fuckin’ shocked to process things. But that pretty much ended when you jumped up a little, him picking up your legs and wrapping them around himself. He’d back you onto the wall, deepening the kiss as you groaned into his mouth. You wrapped your hands around him as he sucked your neck, leaning your head back as he rutted his hips against yours.

“Baby…”

“Yeah, princess?”

“On the couch…”

Choso brought you back from the wall, clearing the distance from the hallway to the living room in seconds. You hadn’t let him lay you down on the couch all the way before you pulled him down to you by his neck, the other hand lifting his shirt. He helped you take it off promptly, averting his attention to your dress, unzipping the back, and taking it off you in one motion. With your tits exposed to him, he’d climbed on top of you and kissed you, bringing his face down to your chest and sucking the skin there. As he laid you all the way down on the couch, he started sucking your nipples, rubbing the other between his fingers when he didn’t have his mouth on it. You’d started bucking your hips, begging him to touch you, and that he did.

Choso pulled your thong down, got off you, and sat on the floor. Swiftly, he brought you up and pulled your hips to the end of the couch, legs getting thrown over his shoulder; he began to finger your pussy. God, you were sexy. Fondling with your tits as he pumped his fingers into you, throwing your head back as he started to indulge in you. He could swear you’ve never tasted this good before; maybe it was the distance, some sort of marination period, who knows. What he did know was that his tongue was making your body go crazy. Every lick on your clit had you rutting your hips on his face, body on full display as it moved uncontrollably. He was starving so badly couldn’t even look up at you like he’d usually do; this time, his face was completely engulfed with your pussy, pleasing you in any way he could.

Excited, activated, get ignited.

You’d started moaning louder, his name falling from your lips over and over, getting closer as he fucked you with his tongue, nose rubbing on your clit.

“Baby…”

He knew you were about to cum, so he pinned your hips down, making you groan as your fingers found his hair again.

“Baby, fuck, I’m close…”

You’d started pulling on it, your other hand gripping a pillow on the couch as you started to let go. Finally, his eyes looked up at you, wanting to see you when you came, and that was the tipping point for you. Your eyes rolled back as you ground your hips into his face, shamelessly making him eat you through your orgasm. The aftershocks had you screaming his name, whining as he sucked you into overstimulation. Choso didn’t really care. He was so fuckin’ happy to taste you again; he was a man starved.

“Okay…”

He hadn’t stopped holding your legs tighter as he put all his attention on your clit, knowing it would have you melting now, faster as you came down from your last high.

“Choso, fuck, okay…”

Your hands were still in his hair, you could pull him back at any moment, but instead, you let your body fall apart as he made you cum again, this one stronger than the first. You were practically screaming this time, cumming all over his face as he pulled away reluctantly. Both of you sat back for air; shortly after, Choso came up to kiss your thighs up to your stomach, then landed on your lips, which you’d moved him away from instantly.

You a star; you need space.

You’d gotten up and walked to the bedroom, pulling out one of his shirts and putting it on. You threw your hair up in a ponytail as you sat at the bar counter, lighting one of the cigarettes he’d left there. He stood up, slightly confused. To be fair, he was pretty sure you two were about to fuck again, but if you just wanted head, he was okay with that too. He was just unsure why you’d gone cold again. You’d brought the cig to your lips, lipstick staining the filter as you brought it down to the ashtray.

“Do you want some water or something?”

“Don’t fuckin' talk to me like I don’t live here. I can get the water myself.”

His jaw locked as you walked to the kitchen, getting yourself a glass of water.

“You’re pissed at me again?”

“I was never not pissed at you, Choso.”

“Was that before or after I just ate you out?

“Both. During also. I can’t fucking stand you, but your tongue is pretty nice.”

Choso started laughing, wiping his face in disbelief as you walked to the bedroom, closing the door behind you. He felt pretty fuckin’ lost. Yeah, he’d figured you’d still be mad at him, and of course, sex wasn’t gonna fix things, but he did have a sliver of hope that his tongue inside you could be the peace treaty.

You wanted space? He’d give you space. He’d walked over to the pack of cigarettes, lighting one, and slamming the lighter back on the counter. It seemed the only common point you guys had was that pack of cigarettes. He went to the cabinet, grabbed the whiskey, and poured himself a shot, pretty much fed up with the night.

I know you've been cryin’ and poutin’,

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

You were standing in the bedroom doorway, catching him before he could throw the shot back.

“Come the fuck on-”

“That’s so fuckin’ like you. Go ahead and take it; crash your car again while you’re at it.”

You were really getting under his skin, taking low blow after low blow.

“You keep fuckin’ talkin’ to me like you’re some sort of saint.”

“Oh, really? What does that mean?”

“Don’t act like your memory escapes you from earlier, sweetheart. Staring me dead in my face while you dry fucked some guy? Pretty fucked up, if I do say so myself.”

“What I do has nothing to do with you.”

“Oh really? Then why’d you shoot me a fuckin’ kiss after? You’re fuckin’ with my head, and you know it!”

“You know what? Fuck you!”

You walked to the living room, grabbing your things.

Know you're tired of arguin’, no screamin’ and shoutin’.

Now, Choso knew he probably should’ve left it at that, but there were too many unresolved emotions not to fuckin’ argue. You’d moved back to the bedroom now, almost slamming the door in his face, before he caught it and walked in after you.

“Then, earlier, you’re like, “Don’t talk to me like I don’t live here?” Hmm, maybe it’s because you haven’t fucking lived here in weeks!”

“Why’s that, huh? Because you’re a fucking asshole!”

“I know, and I’m sorry! Shit, I don’t know what to do!”

He started crying now, whiskey and cigarette long forgotten as he paced the room yelling at you.

“I wake up every fucking morning wishing you were here! Same when I go to sleep, missing you more and more every day, and you? You won’t even give me anything; the only thing you’ve given me in weeks is your pussy and interactions that just leave me confused!”

“You don’t think I miss you, Choso? My heart fucking yearns for you every single day, but shit, I have to have some sort of resolve. Months and months of taking care of your drunk ass when you’d come home! Why do you deserve anything else, huh?”

“You won’t even let me fix my mistakes! Shit, I’ll stop drinking altogether, stop goin’ out, whatever it takes for you to come back! I’m shit without you, and I know that, and you know that, and I’m sorry, but please, baby, please just let me fix it!”

Choso was in your arms now, sobbing into your shoulder as he held you, both of you crying now.

“Baby, please, just one chance…”

“Choso…”

“Anything, baby, just come back home.”

I know you just tryna maintain.

You pulled Choso’s face away from yours, looking him in his eyes. If you were being honest, he looked a fucking mess, but fuck, you loved him.

You wiped away his tears and kissed him softly. Hesitantly, he kissed you back, deepening it as you brought your arms around his neck. His hands found the arch of your back, pulling you in closer as you kissed him hard.

You’d gotten back in his arms now, kissing you like that for a moment before gently laying you on the bed. As he got on top of you, you started fondling the button on his pants, taking them off before coming down to kiss you again. His legs sat between yours, hand under the arch of your back as you two made out. It felt so good, having you in his arms again. Nurturing you. Loving you. Pleasing you. He’d brought his kisses to your neck, sucking your skin until he knew hickeys would blossom.

You moan softly as he moved the kisses down your collarbone, hand massaging your side as you arched into his touch. He pulled your shirt off, and you almost immediately pulled him down to kiss you. Choso had every intention of taking it slow if you ever wanted to fuck him again, but right now? You just fucking needed him, and he just needed you.

I know you've been divin’ through pain.

Choso took his briefs off, exposing his dick as he fingered you, prepping you to take him after so long. He used your cum from before to lubricate his shaft, coming down to kiss you.

“Princess?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can I fuck you?”

You say yes with a kiss and a nod, relaxing as he kisses you, slipping inside you.

“Fuck, princess…”

“Baby…”

Fuck, he missed you. Your walls tightened around him as he sunk in, fully inside you now. He began fucking you slowly, making sure it felt good for you.

“Missed you, baby. So much…”

“Choso, fuck me… please.”

He picked up the pace a bit, going steady as you began to moan in his ear, whispering how good it felt. He nuzzled his face in your neck, moaning in your ear as his hips began to move faster. You brought your hands up to hold his back, one of them coming up to rest in his hair. Choso could tell you felt good, but when you brought your legs around him and fixed them on his waist, he knew exactly what you wanted. He brought his arms down to either side of your head as he began fucking you faster, losing yourself on his dick. Your nails were scratching his back now, moaning his name loudly as he fucked into you at a pace that had both of you sweating. He just couldn’t stop praising you, so grateful to be fucking you again.

“Fuck, I missed this pussy.”

“Takin’ me so good, baby.”

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful.”

Your reactions to him talking you through it made his heart skip a beat. He felt like you were made for him, your pussy wrapping him up and sucking him in as he fucked into you in that sweet spot, and as you gripped him tighter, the faster he thrust into it. In a few seconds, he’d begun fucking the shit out of you; any attempts at making love thrown out the window now. You two hated each other for the past few weeks, but despite all that anger, you both were sexually frustrated, holding out until one of you caved in.

I know you goin' so crazy; I know you runnin' on empty.

Choso lifted your hips from the bed, sitting back as he fucked into you fast, watching you try to grip the sheets as he fucked you. You were in heaven. A few drinks, two orgasms, and making up with your boyfriend? It definitely had you feeling really good. That and your boyfriend fucking the shit out of you.

“Baby…I’m close…”

“Yeah, princess. I’m about to cum too.”

Choso focused on pleasing you, but he knew he wasn’t gonna last much longer, not with your tits bouncing from the thrusts he was giving you, that and the fucked out look on your face, cheeks flustered and trying to catch your breath. He brought his thumb up to rub on your clit, the overstimulation on your bud nearly sending you over. You pulled him back down to you, groaning his name as he fucked into you deep and fast, drilling you into the bed.

“Cum for me, baby, I got you.”

You felt yourself come undone, body bucking into his as he held you, screaming his name into the air as you held him close.

“That’s it, baby. Say my name, give it to me.”

You began panting and whimpering into his shoulder, sending him over as he tensed up, cumming inside as he fucked you through both of your highs.

That shit can fuck with your mental; I know this shit, don't you tempt me…

When you both came down, Choso couldn’t bring himself to pull out of you, so blissed out from the feeling of your pussy. It wasn’t until he fell to your side, exhausted and on the verge of passing out. As he came to, he looked over at you, eyes half open, exhaling slowly. Shaking himself together, he got up and went to the kitchen, handing you a glass of water; you slowly drank it, trying to get back to earth. You both laughed at the sloth-like pace it was taking you to drink the water, flipping him off when he went to help you out.

After getting a few sips in, he picked you up again, taking you to the bathroom for a bath, wiping your makeup as you gave each other kisses every now and then. When he’d dried you off, he pulled out your pajamas and put them on you, getting dressed and laying you on the bed. He turned the TV on, getting in the bed with you as you picked out a movie, nuzzling your face into his chest.

“Baby?”

“Yeah, princess?”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, so much.”

I know you. I know you. I know you.

♱ the song used in this story is i know by big sean and jhene aiko. 🖤

(this fic was mostly based on prior experiences; made me cry a couple times, but i am so happy i could turn that into this! hope you enjoyed it 🖤)

♱ masterlist.

♱ all fics playlist.

𝖆𝖚 𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖔𝖎𝖗, 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖞𝖗𝖚𝖎𝖓.

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