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scrollonso · 16 days

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First Kiss (Birthday 1)

A strollonso AU where 18 year old rookie Lance Stroll falls helplessly in love with the notoriously mean world champion. (3.9k words, angst, alcohol, internalized homophobia, religious talk, teary eyed lance, unprotected sex, aftercare) [@v3lnys @biancathecool] {I love this chapter sm}

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Lance knew it was going to be weird, seeing Fernando the day after he stole his first kiss. It had been all that was on his mind for the past 24 hours.

Even while his mind was racing with the memories of the Spaniards lips on his he walked into the venue as if everything was normal. People were already filling the room, he wasn't expecting such a large party considering his birthday had already passed but when he considered the Spaniards success this season it made sense

People were distracted, everyone seemingly knowing everyone. Fernando excused himself from the conversation he was partaking in to welcome the Canadian.

"Lancito, I'm glad you came" He smiled at him, as if everything was normal, as if he hadn't had his hands on the others waist as their lips tangled together the day before.

"Hi- yeah, uh, I wouldn't miss it" Lance almost hit himself for being so obviously anxious, he felt the urge to talk about it, he needed to talk about it and Fernando was the only one he could speak to about it, he'd been too ashamed to even admit he had kissed the man to anyone.

"Let's get you a drink, eh? Loosen you up a bit" Fernando grabbed Lances hand, their fingers naturally locking together as if they were molded to fit perfectly together.

It wasn't the first time their hands had been together this way, considering how close they were the day before there was no reason for Lance to be so flustered by the small touch but he was. He almost tripped over his feet as he walked because he was so busy with his eyes glued at their hands, Fernandos skin seemed to glow in the lighting of the room, he wasn't dressed up, most people weren't, but he still looked gorgeous, the contrast of his light shirt and tanned skin was almost breathtaking, Lance would admire the Spaniards beauty forever if he could.

"What would you like, mi sol?" Fernando asked, turning to face Lance, the Canadians eyes quick to meet the older mans

"Uhm, I'm fine with anything" He pursed his lips slightly, eyes not leaving the Spaniards face as he continued admiring him, the way the waves of his hair fell perfectly, his brown eyes seeming to glow in the dim light of the room, the way the entire room seemed to fall silent as he was captivated by Fernando

He nodded, turning to the bartender to order for the younger man and himself.

Fernando was busy, of course he was, it was his party. Lance didn't feel welcome without Fernando by his side, sure, Nico was there, he liked Nico enough, but Nico didn't make him feel how Fernando did. Didn't make his heart flutter, didn't make him lick his lips any time he thought of him, didn't make him consider sinning in the ways Fernando did.

"You good?' Nico asked, a slightly watered down drink in his hand, too distracted speaking to anyone who passed to drink.

"Great" Lance flashed a smile and nod, downing the rest of his drink, trying to ignore the disgusting taste it left in his mouth.

Lance's eyes fell on Fernando, seeing how he laughed and how close he was to the women he was conversating with, he was annoyed, not sober enough to fight back the nasty look on his face.

Fernando turned his head, locking eyes with Lance and staying that way for a minute, the Canadian could've swore he saw the older man wink before going back to his conversation, his face changing from upset to confused, why would Fernando be winking at him when he's surrounded by beauitful women and has been all night?

Fernando was painfully obviously straight, he frequently had girls all over him but Lance never saw Fernando go to them first, never saw his eyes flicker from their eyes to their lips, never saw his hands grabbing their waist and pushing them against a wall, he felt insane for even thinking that maybe he was different to Fernando, it was a crazy thought, a sinful thought.

The night seemed to speed by for Fernando, as it got later and later people began to excuse themselves to return home.

Lance hadn't noticed as the new day began, having drank way too much to register how time works

"Lancito" A voice called, he looked up from his glass right away

"Nando!" He smiled, automatically wrapping his arms tightly around the spaniard

"Hello, mi sol" Fernando smiled, wrapping an arm around Lance while he used the other to pay for the youngers tab and push the glass away from his seat "Are you tired, Lancito?" He asked, earning a quiet no from the boy "Well, I think it's time to leave anyway"

Fernando hummed as he stood up, a familliar arm around Lances waist as he guided him outside, through the parking lot, and into the passenger side seat of his car. Nico had left earlier so this was the only way to get Lance home

"What's your room number, Lancito?" He spoke softly, brushing the hair from the boys face as he awaited a response

"I-" hiccup "I dunno"

Fernando smiled slightly, nodding and buckling the boy up before heading to their hotel, figuring having a drunk Lance in his bed again wouldn't be too hard.

Fernando opened his hotel door, a hand still resting on Lances waist as he guided the boy to a chair by his bed

"Sit, mi sol, let me get you some water"

Lance nodded, sitting down and rubbing his eyes, his brain slowly registering his surroundings and his body realizing how late it was

"Here, Lancito, drink" Fernando held out a glass, watching carefully as Lance took it and drank

Fernando sat on his bed as Lance began to sober up, he could feel the canadians eyes on him, watching every time he moved slightly. He eventually made eyecontact with the boy, he could tell there was something he wanted to say

"What is it?" Fernando asked, sitting up to take a good look at the Canadian

"I think i'm in love with you" He blurted out, eyes widening as he realized what he had just confessed "I don't- I didn't- uhm, I don't know why, I don't even know if I like boys, I don't know if I like you or I admire you- I-" He trailed off, Fernando's eyes on him as he waited for the boy to finish "I'm terrified"

"You are in love with me?" He echoed

"Fuck" Lance muttered, standing up, and running his fingers anxiously through his hair "I'm sorry- I shouldn't have said that." He breathed out, licking his lips as he avoided Fernandos gaze

"Lancito" He stood up as well, quick to go over to Lance and place his hand softly on the boys upper arm, encouraging the taller man to look at him "Is okay, what are you sorry for?"

"I can't love you, Nando- It's-" He furrowed his brows, not sure why the older man didn't just understand, Lance hardly understood, Fernando was older than him why did he have to explain this "It's wrong, It's a sin, If I continue to act on this, Nando, I-"

"Hey" He spoke softly, everything about the man was comforting to Lance "What makes you think that, Lancito? Is nothing wrong with this, you loving me is not a sin, is just life"

"It is, Nando, I know- I know you don't have faith, you don't believe, you don't have to but-" He stumbled over his words, tears threatening to escape with every blink "I do, Fernando. I believe, If God says that this is a sin, Fernando, I can't live with myself if I do this willingly."

"What exactly is this, to you?" Fernando asked, pleading for the boy to give him a straight answer "What are we, what am I to you? How do you feel about me, mi sol?"

"Nando, You know how I-"

"Tell me."

"Fuck, Fernando, I don't-" He looked away from the man, lip quivering as he broke down, hands rushing to cover his face as the tears began to fall

"Ay, mi sol" He breathed, quick to pull the boy into his arms, one hand trailing through his uncut hair, the other taking a familiar position on his waist

"I-" He felt like he couldn't breathe, hands grabbing onto Fernandos shirt as he cried into the mans chest, he felt weak.

"Te quiero mucho, Lancito" Fernando whispered into the boys ear, lips brushing against his skin as he continued "Please, mi sol, please let me. Let me love you. Let me worship you. I have no God, let me devote myself to you. Let me show you how deeply I adore you, por favor."

Lance couldn't speak, all he could do was melt into the Spaniards touch as he sat down on the corner of the bed with the boy, keeping him close as he patiently awaited a response, even if it was no, even if he was disgusted, he needed something.

"If I was a girl-" He started, breaking the silence of the silence to choke out the words, not wanting to believe them himself "If I was a girl, loving you wouldn't be a sin."

Fernando felt like he just got punched in the gut hearing that, his eyes meeting Lances who's were filled with tears broke his heart "Mi sol.." He breathed out, unsure what to say, he understood how Lance felt, he was well aware of Lance's religious family and what exactly that meant but hearing it from Lance hurt

"I want to, Nando, I really want to." His voice cracked, eyebrows practically knitted together as he tried to blink back tears

"You can, please, mi sol, is nothing wrong with this, with us, with loving eachother." The Spaniard tried to convince the boy, praying it'd be easy, he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand to see his Lancito so hurt because of him.

"But-" He started, unsure what he was going to say in protest

"No, I know i am right, is just me and you here, no?" Fernando asked, earning a nod from the younger man "Your God will forgive, anyone who truly loves you will be okay with this, am okay with this, is okay."

It made sense in Lance's head, Fernando always made sense in his head, he trusted him with everything. Both of them fell silent, doing nothing but looking at eachother, Lance couldn't shake the feeling that this was wrong but if they weren't meant to be this close then they wouldn't be.

"Can I kiss you?" The older man spoke again, seeming hesitant to even suggest it now, without even thinking Lance connected their lips, how his god felt about this meant nothing when Fernandos lips on his was all his heart desired.

The Spaniard was quick to move his hands to Lance's waist, pulling him closer as they kissed, the younger man sinking into his grip, following his lead.

Fernando opened his mouth slightly, teeth grabbing onto the Canadians lip as a way to pull them closer, they could never be close enough.

Lance gasped, Fernandos teeth digging in slightly deeper after he heard the response he got out of the boy, his light pants between each kiss like music to the Spaniards ears.

The older man moved Lance slightly, lowering the two of them onto his bed, having himself positioned perfectly on top of him before he pulled away

"Nando" Lance started, lust filled eyes staring up at his Fernando, the room was lit just enough that it looked like the boys eyes were sparkling, Fernando absolutely adored his eyes.

"Is this okay?" Fernando asked, moving his gaze away from Lance's face to grab the hem of the taller mans shirt. Lance followed his hands, he wanted to, he trusted Fernando, of course he did, but he couldn't help but be scared.

"I don't know how-" He practically whispered, breaking the eye contact between the two of them "I've never done this before"

"Let me take care of you." He spoke softly, making Lance's heart flutter, Lance knew he was safe, Fernando would never do anything bad to Lance and everyone had slowly came to realize that

"Okay" Lance nodded, looking back up to Fernando "Yeah, Yeah this is okay"

"Sit up, mi sol" He instructed, taking off Lance's shirt once he did, he could tell the boy was nervous, even after sobering up it made sense for him to be. "I'll be gentle with you" Fernando promised, planting soft kisses on the corner of Lance's mouth as he laid him back down, slowly moving his lips lower

Lance closed his eyes, moving his hands to cover his face as Fernando bit his neck softly, gasping at the pleasant feeling.

"So pretty" Fernando spoke against the younger mans skin, hand moving to his jaw to expose more of his skin, lips traveling up Lance's jawline and leaving kisses behind his ear

"Nando, please" Lance begged, voice shaking

"Please what, mi sol?" Fernando sat up, looking at Lance for direction

"Touch me, please, Nando, do something" He whined, reaching to grab Fernandos hand, he wasn't even sure how he wanted the older man to touch him he just knew he needed something, anything.

"Okay, Lancito, I will" He whispered, placing a light peck on the boys lips and interlocking their fingers before moving his other hand down to the Canadians belt, taking it off for him "You are sure? You want this?" Fernando asked again, not wanting to take advantage of the boy considering how much he drank and how he'd just opened up to him.

"Please, I need it, Nando please." As Lance spoke he got more and more desperate, Fernando feeling as the taller man brought up his hips in desperation, body begging to feel any type of friction

He nodded, finally going to give the boy want he wanted. He lifted Lance on his own this time, sliding his dress pants down and off, shoes already disgarded somewhere in the room.

After placing his pants at the foot of the bed he brought his attention back to Lance, squeezing his hand slightly as he brushed his thumb over the boys bulge, seeing his head arch back slightly, body still aching for more and who was Fernando to deny his sun of anything?

He moved his and Lance's hand closer to his mouth, kissing his knuckles softly before letting him go, using both hands to take off the younger mans briefs, not realizing he was leaving him fully exposed while Fernando still had every inch of his body covered

"Nando" Lance protested, reaching for the mans shirt, desperate to take something of his off as he laid down, his body on display for him.

"I know, is okay, Lancito" The Spaniard spoke, planting a kiss on the boys forehead before undressing himself, turning slightly in order to place his clothes on the floor, Lance sat up again, eyes examining his body since this was the first time he was seeing all of him, his gaze landed on the samurai tattoo decorating his neck and upper back, he wasn't sure why but the sight of Fernandos inked skin alone was enough to make his cock throb, a quiet whimper escaping his lips

He felt intimidated as the older man turned back to face him, finding himself leaning onto the bed before the shorter man even spoke

The Spaniard smiled, finding his way on top of Lance once again, a hand placed on Lance's thigh as he spoke "You're so good for me, Lancito"

The words didn't seem like much but to Lance they were life changing, he whined at the praise, moving his hips slightly in efforts to recieve any kind of friction, he needed Fernando to hurry up.

"So desperate, mi sol, I've barely even touched you" He cooed, finally moving his focus to the boys body, eyes landing on the tattoo placed on his upper ribs. He brought his hand up the boys waist, thumb brushing over the hebrew lettering before moving onto his core, littering soft kisses down the boys stomach until he reached the base of his cock, Lance already squirming under him "So pretty, you are so perfect, Lancito"

With each praise that came out of Fernandos lips it only left Lance more desperate, needing more, he was beginning to get impatient until he felt a hand brush over his member, applying light pressure that alone could've made Lance come undone on the spot

"Nando" He whined, moving his hand to grab onto the older mans wrist, bringing it back to where Lance needed it most

"Can not have you finish too soon, mi princesa" He explained, the use of a new nickname leaving Lance's skin even more flushed than it had already become, he loved every nickname the Spaniard gave him but something about being his always made him feel special.

"Please, I just need you to touch me, Nando" He begged, Fernandos lips curling slightly as he listened to the boy

"Okay, okay" He nodded, sitting down on the bed besides Lance as he instructed the boy to reposition himself, getting on his hands and knees with little hesitation.

He brought his hand up to the boys waist, squeezing his hips slightly as he leaned over to the bedside table, grabbing a bottle of lube he'd been given as a gag gift, now he was more than greatful for whoever decided to make the joke.

He opened the bottle and got some on his hand, thumb brushing the boys hip softly "Am going to start, okay?"

Lance nodded quickly, he needed him to start, he needed anything, anything Fernando gave him he'd take

Fernando inserted a finger, careful at first because he was well aware this is Lance's first time doing anything like this, the boy shuddered under him, eyes closing at the cold feeling of Fernando's single digit inside of him

"More, Nando, please" He spoke, gasping as Fernando did what he asked. He could feel his fingers opening him, getting him ready, it was a new feeling but Lance adored it, his brain foggy as the reality of the situation hit him. Fernando was good with his fingers, reaching places and getting reactions out of Lance that the younger boy didn't know was possible.

"Sound so pretty for me, Lancito" Fernando's voice made Lance feel different, he still spoke the same but the combination of the praise and the feeling of his fingers deep inside of him caused a pit to form in his stomach, cock twitching slightly every time he moved

"Fuck, Nando, Please, Please I need more" Fernando nodded at the boys words, leaning forward to plant a kiss on his neck before adding a third and final finger, stretching Lance just enough so the Spaniard could fit inside without causing the boy too much pain.

Fernando turned Lance around, taking off his own briefs before pulling the Canadian onto his lap, watching as he moved to hide is face in the crook of his neck.

The older man moved back, leaning against the headboard as he lifted Lance by his hips to line himself up with his hole, whispering praises as he finally put the tip in, Lance gasping as his body sunk onto Fernandos cock, eyes squeezing shut against Fernandos skin as he felt himself getting filled up

He didn't move at first, waiting for Lance to get used to the feeling of him. When the Canadian started grinding slightly, looking for friction once again, he knew it was time to start moving

"Let me do the work" Fernando whispered, kissing the back of Lance's ear as his hands settled back on his hips "I'll take care of you, princesa"

With that he began to move, Lance's arms draped over the mans shoulders, his hands finding their way to the mans back and digging into his tattoo slightly as he felt Fernandos length moving inside of him, whining into his skin with every thrust

Lance could barely bring himself to think about anything but Fernandos cock, if this was so wrong why was it making him feel so good?

Lance and Fernando were close, practically every inch of their skin that coud be touching was touching, Lance's cock trapped between both of their torsos, dripping with precum as Fernando found his prostate, adoring how Lance practically meweld every time the older man made contact with it.

"Nando, Nando I'm-" His voice was shaky, barely able to form words as his head spun, feeling euphoric because of how the Spaniard was using his cock

"Cum, Lancito, cum for me" He instructed, continuing at the same pace inside of him as he felt his orgasm building, the feeling of Lance beginning to clench around him pushing him closer and closer.

He leaned Lance back slightly, wanting to watch as he came for him, not regreting his choice as he saw the way the boy shook softly in his arms, his cum covering both of their torsos and finally pushing Fernando over the edge.

Lance's breathing was heavy, he was quick to melt into Fernandos touch as he rode out both of their highs, something so intimate about the position they were in

"You did so good, princesa, so, so good for me." Fernando raved, cupping the boys face with his hands to cover him in soft kisses

Lance hummed, a soft smile on his face as he felt Fernandos lips on his face, ending with a loving kiss on his lips, this was perfect.

"Let's clean up" Fernando spoke again, hand brushing through Lance's hair as he stood up, Lance whining at the empty feeling he was left with "We can sleep after" Lance liked the sound of them both sleeping, he liked the sound of both of them together, it felt almost unreal as he gazed up at Fernando, nothing but admiration in his eyes as he appreciated the man in front of him

"Come on" Fernando laughed, moving to help Lance up as they made their way to the bathroom, grabbing both of them a towel and running a bath for him and the boy.

As they got out Fernando wrapped a towel around hinself, moving to dry of Lance's hair before wrapping him up as well

"I can dry my own hair, Nando"

"I can dry your hair too" They both smiled, they hadn't been able to stop smiling since they'd gotten to the bathroom and when Fernando pulled Lance to lay on top of him after they got dressed they still had grins on their faces

"Thank you, Nando" He heard Lance whisper, laying his head on the Spaniards chest

"You're welcome, Lancito" He hummed, moving his hand to stroke Lance's hair once more, admiring the boy that was slowly falling asleep on him, his boy.

Nothing else mattered in this moment, he didn't care about anything else besides the person breathing quietly in his arms. Lance was right, Fernando didn't have faith in a religion, in a god, in a book. He had faith in Lance. The man he'd spend the rest of his life worshipping and devoting himself to as if he was a god if he'd only let him.

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inkskinned · 11 months

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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

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