#I'm only tagging this for spoiler purposes. Sorry to make you see this I just can't stop laughing at the idea | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fbfh · 1 year

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rocks at your window pt 5 - ricky bowen x reader

disclaimer: this series contains smut and chapter by chapter warnings, so as with all nsfw works, ricky is aged up to 18 and he and reader are both 18 and in their senior year!!

additioanlly we're working towards a ricky x therapy plot, so as the series goes on he'll start expressing more symptoms of mental illness and bpd, and he gets worse before he gets better. also obviously i'm not a professional and this is for entertainment purposes only, I have done research but PLEASE take this with a grain of salt or several.

!! contains spoilers for season 1 of hsmtmts and previous chapters of this fic !!

wc: 7.8k

genre: slice of life, hurt/comfort, smut

pairing: ricky bowen x (afab she/her) reader

warnings: actually proof read thanks cici, anti nini/nini being a pick me, one sided angsty gina pining, reader has professional theatre experience, brief vague mention of your parents marriage falling apart, carlos is struggling, a few paragraphs of ricky spiraling about his mom/wondering if she ever loved them, ricky has some flashbacks about that, nini is a self centered bitch, nini writes sad songs about heartbreak in her little mitchie's song book, reader was in matilda annie and hairspray when she was younger (unspecified as to who), one good boy, a GRATUITUOUS amout of titties/nip play, partially clothed sex, cockwarming/cum plugging, subby boarderline puppy boy ricky, ricky's in subspace a little bit with you, cuddling as aftercare, ricky's mommy issues are so bad (sorry freud), slowburn red x ashlyn, nini is an unprofessional menace

summary: after a fun, only somewhat chaotic photoshoot, you're gearing up for the blocking of when there was me and you, until rehearsal grinds to a halt with the release of some troubling news. ricky finds solace in your arms once again, and is enamored with the way you always know how to solve whatever problems are thrown your way.

song recs: I can't handle change - roar, truth justice and songs in our key - hsmtmts cast, you're my world - atlas

a/n: I finished the second half of this in like a day because I was so anxious about a check up because I hate medical stuff but the chapter's done and it went well. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out next week so I'll probably be so busy distracting myself from that I knock out like 5 more chapters /hj

anyway this was supposed to be short and it's almost 10k cause I have no self control lol anyway ENJOY <333

tags: @yesv01 @afidiofobia @aliyahsutherland @hopefullhearts @pikzel @demirunner @matiere-detoiles @ifilwtmfc @uselesssapphickitten @nxstalgicnxbxdy @ggclarissa @n-slayaaaaa @stormi-ames

You exit the girls dressing room, running towards Seb, who just left the boys dressing room.

"Oh my god!" You exclaim, floored by his costume. It's pink and sparkly, and fits perfectly - even the heels. It's everything he was imagining.

"I know!" He replies, matching your energy perfectly. You’re so happy that Seb loves his costume. Miss Jenn even added in a subplot and solo about Ryan finding himself beyond being Sharpay’s brother. He’s absolutely killing this role, breathing new life into it, and you couldn’t be happier for him. He’s still a little nervous, so you and your friends are making sure to hype him up.

You hear it before you see him, a hush falls over the room as everyone on stage around you falls silent. Someone tries (and fails) to hold back a loud snicker while a few people gasp.

“Alright, let’s do this!”

You turn around at the familiar sound of Ricky’s voice, and he’s happy he got your attention. He’s met with a myriad of reactions at the questionably styled wig, but he only cares about yours. He’s only looking for yours. He gives you a look, a little quirk of his eyebrow that silently asks what you think. You smile radiantly, overjoyed to see him in costume for the first time. You feel like a mother sending her kids off to the first day of school. You have the urge to get pictures before the day is over.

Standing downstage of you, Nina stares at him with her mouth open in a dramatic gasp, eyes following him as you move closer to each other.

“Oh… my… god. There is so much to talk about.” She says. She watches Ricky closely, waiting for some kind of reaction to her words, but his eyes are glued on you. She tries again, letting out another very loud laugh, “I literally can’t even.”

“I think he looks great!” you say with a sincere bubbling smile. You reach up, adjusting the alignment of his wig, the way the hair falls. He’s sure it looks much better than it had when he’d tried to put it on by himself. You tug gently on his hoodie strings, making them even lengths. He watches you closely while you do. He loves the feeling of you fixing his hair and clothes, he wishes there were more things for you to fix. You smile up at him, and irritation prickles in Nina’s chest at how close you are to him.

“You gotta get the hair flip down,” you say, jerking your head to the side in example. He follows your lead, copying the gesture, and you go back and forth like that for a minute, quoting Troy Bolton and making each other laugh. Your eyes widen as realization strikes.

"Oh my god, I know what this reminds me of…" you gasp, pulling out your phone to search for something, “I’ll text it to you.”

"Okay…" Ricky chuckles, smiling in anticipation and watching you type. You glance up when you hear Carlos telling Seb how amazing he looks. You pause typing and walk a few feet closer to them.

"I know, he looks fucking amazing!" You say with a radiant smile, and Carlos thoroughly agrees.

Spotting an opening, Gina makes her way over to Ricky.

"Wow," she says with a smile, really taking him in. "You look great, Ricky." Just as she’s working up the nerve to playfully nudge him on the arm, he smiles, motioning over to where you’re talking to Carlos and Seb.

“Yeah, she said the exact same thing,” he smiles, greeting you as you walk back over, “Gina agrees with you.”

“I know!” you smile, radiant, “Not a lot of people can pull off the whole 2007 Mitchel Musso look, but you’re really making it work.”

His heart pounds when you talk like that. Your words, your praise, your attention give him a sort of high he’s never felt from anyone else before. He craves it, and he always craves it more than he expects to.

“You think so?” he asks. Part of him knows he’s fishing for your attention, but the sweet look you give him, so excited to see him in costume for the first time makes it worth it.

“Yes!” you exclaim, vibrancy rubbing off on him, “You look fantastic, Ricky.”

His heart pounds loud in his chest, cheeks flushing at your words. Behind you, Gina’s stomach sinks. Old feelings of discouragement get more and more stirred up inside her the longer she stands there, watching the way he looks at you. It’s almost too much to bear by the time she cuts her losses, making up an excuse about getting something from her bag that she’s not sure either of you hear.

Nina watches this, her gaze flicking between you and Gina. A gross feeling coats her stomach. She expected to stay friends with Ricky, expected to still be close to him. More importantly she didn’t expect so many girls to just throw themselves at him. It’s disrespectful. It’s disrespectful to how long they were together. She and Ricky have been friends since kindergarten, they have history. They’ve known each other forever, and… it’s just funny, she thinks, that you and Gina think you can just swoop in and replace her like that. Before she can fester in this feeling much longer, Big Red has everyone line up.

“Okay, Chad,” he calls, pointing stage left, “Taylor, Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, Ryan… good.”

Everyone gets lined up and spaced out correctly, as Red lines up the shot.

“Jump on the count of three.” he states, and begins to count down. The sound of everyone’s feet hitting the floor at very different times echoes through the auditorium. Red squints at the result on camera, which is nothing short of a complete mess.

“Wait, what happened?” he mutters.

“Where to begin.”

“Where do I start…”

You and Ricky say at the same time. You lean forward a little to share a look, a silent conversation exchange you both understand, both of you leaning past Nina to do so. She looks between you for that split second, then Ricky gets right back in line without even looking at her.

“I think you went early,” Seb says to you.

“Wait,” Gina interjects, “are we jumping on three or after three?”

“Yeah, the count of three. Ready?” Red replies, doing nothing to clear up the confusion.

“Red,” you say, and he looks up at you. Ricky watches you with a little smile, knowing you’ll no doubt know exactly what to do to get things back on track. “Are we jumping on the third or fourth beat?”

“Third,” he says, like it should be obvious, “on the count of three.” You nod, and turn to the others. “It’s one two jump.” you clarify, hopping as you do so to demonstrate. Your hair bounces and your skirt flounces and your heels make a little clicky noise as you land, and Ricky thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. He’s ready to try again, now fully confident the photos will turn out perfect thanks to you. Next to you, Seb lets out a puff of air.

“I think I broke a heel…” he says, and you turn to take a look. Something itches at the corner of your mind, then it clicks.

“Hold on, I saw some glue back here somewhere…” Red flashes you a thumbs up as you run into the wings, searching for the bottle of gorilla glue you remember seeing earlier. After digging around in the stage right wing for a minute, you see it on a shelf, next to what looks like a bucket of old paint. You stretch up as far as you can, but even in these heels, you can’t reach it. Before you look around to see if there’s something you can knock it down with, you turn back to the stage.

“Ricky?” you call. He looks over at the sound of your voice like a puppy, scurrying over to you without a second thought.

“Yeah?” he smiles. You point up to where the glue is.

“I found it up there, but I can’t…”

“Oh, I got it.” he smiles, touching your arm. He reaches up and hands you the mostly full bottle. You thank him, squeezing his arm appreciatively.

“Thank god you’re tall,” you chuckle. His chest puffs up at your words, a soft heat creeping up to his cheeks. He watches you as you and Kourtney fix Seb’s shoe, how cute you look when you’re focused.

“There,” you state, “as long as the glue holds…” Seb puts his heel back on, and does a few test jumps. The glue seems to hold, and Kourtney sends you back in line, adjusting one last part of Seb’s costume. You type something into your phone, texting it to Ricky as you head back to the front of the stage. Ricky catches the last half of what Carlos is saying. He’s clearly frustrated at the lack of productivity.

“...You leave the earth, you land.”

“We just need to get back on the same page,” you say. Ricky pulls out his phone at the familiar sound of your ringtone he set. You must have sent him the thing you remembered. As he passes by, Nina sees your name at the top of his phone, framed by hearts. His screen is full of texts between you, but the last text Nina sent him got left on read? Ricky never leaves her on read. She scoffs at how oblivious he is to your blatant attempts to steal his attention from her.

“Uh,” she says loudly, a performative smile on her face as she holds back a laugh when he gets closer to her, “I can’t look at Ricky, is that a problem?”

He doesn’t look up, instead he looks at the text you sent him. It’s an image accompanied by the caption ‘you today’, and when it finally loads, he recognizes it instantly as a gif from the Elijah Wood ‘will you wear wigs’ interview. It catches him by surprise, and a loud screaming laugh tears from his throat. It’s so sudden, so sincere it brings a laugh out of you too. Everyone else either starts laughing with you, or looks completely shocked.

He slaps a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the noise without much success. A smug satisfaction settles over Nina before Ricky starts to type something into his phone. He starts laughing again, tucking his phone back in his pocket, and when he shares a look with you she realizes it wasn’t her that made him laugh like that. It doesn’t sit well with her. You’re biting your lip, trying in vain not to laugh too loudly or obviously while everyone stares at the two of you, small chuckles echoing through the room.

“Okay.” Carlos says curtly, very clearly done with this bullshit, “Let’s take five.”

“Thank you, five.” you say automatically, and Ricky puts his hand on your back as you start to walk offstage to get some water.

“On five or after five?” he mutters, basking in the laugh you let slip out. Behind you, Nina lets out a shrill laugh at the comment, clapping her hands together in a way she’s sure will get Ricky’s attention. Her smile grows stale and evaporates as you sit next to each other without looking back once.

“So, why are you supposed to say thank you five?” Ricky asks as you take a sip from your water bottle, today filled with lemon and cucumber slices.

“It’s a call and response so the crew knows you got their instructions.” you say. He nods, and you continue, “You usually say it after a break is announced, when places are called, when they tell you how long until curtain, that kind of thing.” you conclude. Your knowledge about theatre never fails to amaze him. Hearing you talk about it makes him want to learn even more.

“When I was in Annie it seemed like something technical was always going wrong, so the call times were all over the place. It was a hot mess, but it was still so fun.” You reminisce with a smile. That’s not the first show you mentioned you’ve been in, Ricky recalls. He can tell you have… probably the most experience of anyone here, but he doesn’t think he’s ever asked how many shows you’ve been in. He would have remembered if you told him.

“How many shows have you been in?” he asks, watching your expression carefully.

“Uh…” you look over to where your castmates sit scattered about, then back to Ricky. You give him that look that means you have something to tell him when it’s just the two of you. “A lot. It’s a long story, though, I’ll tell you later.” You finish in a hushed voice. He loves when you talk to him like that, he loves the closeness between you in these moments.

You know you should probably mention you used to do professional theatre in New York before you moved here, but you always hesitate to bring it up. The last thing you want to do is sound like one of those theatre kids. Besides, you haven’t been in the professional circuit since middle school. You stopped in between shows a few years back when your parents' marriage got really bad and your dad left, and you couldn’t exactly perform while moving across the country, but you’re so deeply glad to be back in theatre now that you’re settled in.

Your mom was also worried about how much pressure was on you, being in a professional environment so young. She promised you that after you graduate, once you’re older, she’ll drive you all the way back to New York herself if you still want to do theatre professionally by then. You couldn’t argue with her, it was a lot to deal with that young, and your shitty dad didn’t make it much easier. She’s been able to watch the joy return, see your face light up when you tell her about how rehearsal is going, the progress you and the cast and crew are making, and you can’t deny she made the right call.

You think it’s good for you to act just because you love it for a while. You want the full suburban high school theatre experience, so if that means keeping a low profile and not being one of those douchebags who always brags about “doing professional shows” then you’re happy to keep that under wraps, but as you watch Ricky’s face while he rambles to you about how much more fun it is to be in costume than he expected, you feel like you can tell him. He knows you well enough to know your intentions, know that you’re not bragging about it.

At their next rehearsal, Red is relieved at how relieved Ricky seems.

“It worked! I just… I really made sure she knows how much I like her, and…” Ricky laughs, running a hand through his hair. “Thank you, for the advice, bro.” he lets out another bubbling chuckle, his mind clearly somewhere else. Red squints, wondering if it means what he thinks it means.

“Did you guys…” he starts slowly, not even needing to finish the sentence. The flustered look on Ricky’s face is the only answer he needs.

“Uh…” he says through yet another flustered laugh, the feeling of your mouth around him, the way you taste still fresh in his mind. He locks eyes with you from across the room, and feels his pulse speed up. “Yeah. I’ll fill you in later.”

Red playfully punches Ricky’s arm.

“I’m glad it went well! Cause I care about you, but also because I live vicariously through you.” They both laugh.

“Believe me, there’s plenty to catch you up on.” Ricky says, a wistful smile on his face, watching you talk to Natalie.

“Maybe we should get started. Or at least start warming up.” you say. Everyone’s wondering why Miss Jenn and Carlos aren’t there yet. You can sense her hesitance. It's not surprising, this show is new territory for almost everyone.

"You're the stage manager, you're third in command when Miss Jenn and Carlos aren't here. Why don’t you and Seb get everyone warming up, that way when they get here we can jump right in.” you offer, and she nods, gaining a little confidence.

“Yeah, you’re right.” she says, walking over to Seb, who’s sitting at the piano. You’re sure the only thing Miss Jenn and Carlos would hate more than starting rehearsal late is wasting time, especially with how tight of a schedule you’re on. Natalie and Seb are discussing said warmups when Carlos enters in a hurry, clearly frazzled, announcing that Miss Jenn won’t be here. One look past his chipper facade and you know whatever’s going on his bad.

“Miss Jenn had a… small personal matter to attend to, and won’t be here today.” in spite of the confidence he’s trying to project, you can see right through it. You’re sure the others can too.

“Is everything alright?” Nina asks, only now noticing that Carlos seems off. He laughs a forced casual laugh.

“Everything is fine.” he says, trying to convince himself, and you know that this is really bad. The next few minutes are spent arranging the blocking for when there was me and you. He introduces it as a forest of boys, and you think it could work really well if you execute it right. Instead of a giant poster of the basketball team to sing to, something in a tableau style will translate much better to the stage. It’s dynamic and expressive, while still making the same point, keeping the integrity of the message made in the movie. It’s also vaguely reminiscent of when Meg sings to the statues and the muses in Hercules, which adds to the whole Disney magic feeling. Overall you think it’s a great plan.

You’re about to express this, when you hear an all too familiar voice pipe up.

“Uh, Troy just broke Gabriella’s heart,” you resist the urge to roll your eyes, having a feeling you know where this is going, and Nina continues, "why would she want to see four more versions of him?"

You're somehow still shocked that she not only can't recognize that her character would handle a breakup differently than she would, but now she's trying to change a fundamental point in the show for no reason. Ashlyn, Kourtney, and even Natalie jump in and agree with her. This isn't the first time Nini has used her character as a thin veil to talk shit, and you're amazed at how bad she is at treating Gabriella like a character she's playing. For someone who wanted the lead so badly, she doesn't seem to care too much about it now. In all your years of acting, you don't think you've ever seen someone so unable to create a distinction between what they would do and what their character would do, and it’s very fucking weird.

Before she gets literally everyone else to agree with her, you jump in.

"Actually, I love this, Carlos. I think it’s really dynamic and effective without taking away from the song. Also," you turn to Nina, "it was 2006, so girlbossing your way through heartbreak wasn't really a thing. Plus, you're right; she did get her heart broken, she should be allowed to be sad about it."

"Yeah," Ricky agrees, looking over at you when you speak, "totally dynamic." He loves the way you talk about theatre, how brilliantly you analyze details or staging and character interpretations. He wishes he could hear you talk more about it, and makes a mental note to pick your brain later.

Nina looks at you, mouth agape, as Carlos gestures to you. Another perfect example of Ricky following you around like a lost puppy.

"Thank you, Sharpay, exactly." Carlos states as Nina scoffs, shocked at your response. He lets out a small sigh, grateful for the backup. "Gabriella is heartbroken, she can't stop thinking about Troy, about the guy she thought he was."

Ricky walks back over to his seat to set down his script. He leans down close to you before he does, wanting your opinion before he shares the idea he got.

"Maybe she could do, like, an acoustic guitar version. You know, strip it down." His voice is quiet, meant only for the two of you. You smile at him with such warmth before your gaze flickers to Nina. You hum, considering.

"I think you're the only one who could pull off an acoustic guitar ballad in the middle of such a… high energy show." A small, knowing laugh is shared between you, and as every kind word from your mouth does, your message comes across loud and clear, bringing a warmth to his cheeks and a puff to his chest. A rush of good happy chemicals hits his brain. As he heads back to his box, he ruminates on the sentiment. Not only do you think he could totally pull it off, you think he’s the only one who could. He fights a smile, trying to pay attention to the suggestions everyone starts giving Carlos.

“Or,” Kourtney jumps in, “she could be surrounded by a forest of supportive sisters.” she shares a look with Nina, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. You hope it’s not only obvious to you that no one’s even really talking about the show anymore. A few other girls agree, and you can tell Carlos is losing patience. You walk across the room to check on him when he snaps.

“Okay, guys, this is not a democracy!” he yells, hands falling to his side before one rests on his hip, the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Are you okay?” you ask, sincere and quiet, but not cloying, with a situationally appropriate level of concern on your face.

“Look, it’s not that deep,” Nina says, and you’re glad she’s finally backpedaling - or at least trying to - even though it took her this fucking long to realize she should. “We can just wait till Miss Jenn comes back and-”

“Well, she’s not here, and I don’t know if she’s ever coming back!” Carlos spits, relieved to finally get the distressing information off his chest.

Ricky’s stomach sinks, and he’s met once again with that disgusting cold feeling frying his nerves. It’s been a while since he had felt it this strong, this fresh. There were bad moments, sure. Like when he caught the family portrait of the three of them in the laundry room. He felt so sick looking at his mom’s smile. It seemed so genuine, and he hasn’t been able to stop questioning its integrity since. He’s spent every spare moment he’s not thinking about you or the show reanalyzing every conversation, every interaction, every passive aggressive remark and dish towel thrown too hard against the counter top, trying desperately to figure out if hers was the face of a housewife slowly losing her sense of self, unsupported, taken for granted and growing resentful, finally pushed to the edge.

Or did she never love them to begin with? Was everything out of obligation? Did she make him tea when he was sick or stressed or sad because she wanted to or because she had to? Maybe she loved them at some point, when he was too little to remember it clearly, or even know what he was supposed to be looking for. Old memories flood back, and he finds himself scouring them for a time when her tea might have started tasting different. Maybe that’s when she stopped loving him. Loving them.

He’s dragged into the undertow without warning, breath knocked out of his lungs by the force of it all, by the spike of anxiety that shoots up and stays there at the thought of Miss Jenn leaving.

“Wait, what?” he manages to choke out after that split second of spiraling, his stomach churning. Your hand finds and grabs on tight to his before he even speaks. You’re next to him in an instant, and he latches onto you, for once feeling like he has a buoy in this relentless sudden storm he always seems to get dragged into. Right when he thinks it’s going to be okay, right when he starts to get a handle on everything, he’s knocked off his feet.

You hold his hand with both of yours as he steps off his box, tighter and warmer and more reassuring than anything, and you rub your thumb against his skin while Carlos begins to tell you guys everything that’s going on. You listen with rapt attention, while keeping a close eye on Ricky. Everything is deteriorating so fast, and soon Nina grabs her backpack, storming to the exit and claiming she ‘needs a minute’. Kourtney follows her, then everyone else, and you feel Ricky’s hand shake in yours. His breaths get quicker as he watches everyone around him, his castmates, his friends, leave without a second thought.

“Rehearsals are officially canceled until further notice!” Carlos calls out, before leaving, defeated and fighting tears.

You continue to brush your hand over Ricky’s. The gesture is comforting.

“Well,” Gina says, grabbing her bag, “that fell apart fast.”

“Nothing fell apart.” you and Ricky say at the same time, yours sure and deliberate, his desperate to be true. Gina lets out a singular breathy laugh, unable to ignore how in sync the both of you are.

“Everything’s going to be okay. We’ll work this out.” you state, and Ricky latches onto your words, how assured you seem, throwing himself and all the belief within him that you’re right.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “it’s all going to be okay.”

Gina’s stomach twists at the way he repeats your words.

“Do you know something I don’t?” she asks Ricky. You send her a look, clearly asking what the fuck. Before you can call her out, Ricky jumps in.

“She’s Miss Jenn. She’s unstoppable. The whole show’s unstoppable.”

“But, what if-” she ignores your glares, demanding she knock it off. “What if it does stop?”

Ricky squeezes your hand tighter.

“Gina-” you say, a warning tone to your voice.

“Let’s not go there…” he says, a begging tone to his voice.

“Yeah,” you agree, “let’s not.” You turn back to Ricky, your free hand resting on his arm, rubbing gently. He wants to cry - both at the situation you’re both struggling to deal with, and the catharsis, the comfort he feels when you touch him like this.

“The show must go on.” You say firmly, “There’s no chance something as trivial as a mistake on Miss Jenn’s resume is enough to do any actual harm to the show.” there’s a light chuckle to your voice, one that he mirrors.

“Yeah,” he agrees, needing you to continue, which you do.

“When I was in Matilda when I was younger, the entire basement full of props got flooded the week of opening night.”

His eyes widen in concern, and you continue.

“Everything was soggy, and completely covered in mildew by the time we got back to the theater. You know what we did?” you ask Ricky rhetorically, who’s looking at you so intensely, hanging on your every word. “We paired down. We went for an abstract, minimalistic set design. Even threw in some shadow play for effect until the props and sets were all fixed.”

“Really?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you state, “and the critics loved it. They were raving about how genius it was, a brilliant way to showcase Matilda’s imagination and view of the world around her.” you say, quoting one of the more memorable reviews.

“So,” you say with a new lightheartedness to your voice brought on by the anecdote, “the point is, everything will be fine.” your sincerity is palpable, and you watch as he lets out a small, shallow breath. Gina doesn’t miss the way he relaxes when you put your hand back on his shoulder, the way he mirrors your expressions and body language and words without even realizing. He’s beginning to calm down from the worst possible news they could have gotten just because he’s with you.

“Y’know what?” she says, swallowing the lump in her throat, “I’m gonna head out, so…” she points toward the door. Ricky glances up, then back at you.

“Get home safe.” you say with a polite wave before continuing to reassure him. You talk a little more, and you’re relieved that you can see he’s starting to feel better. The distraction is helping him, you realize, as you stroll around the empty theater hand in hand. “Why don’t you show me that guitar version of when there was me and you?” He laughs nervously.

“I don’t know…” he mutters. A hint of concern flashes over your face. If he doesn’t even want to play guitar, it must be really bad.

“C’mon, pretty please?” you say, causing butterflies to swirl in his chest, “I want to hear it stripped down, and you’re so good at guitar…”

He lets out a flustered laugh, butterflies fluttering in his chest as he accepts the guitar you hand him, taking a seat. You watch him attentively as he begins playing the first chords, humming along.

In the hallway, a few feet away from the door, Nina sighs.

She can’t bring herself to walk away, not this time, not when she knows he’s probably wallowing, waiting for her. Letting out a loud, dramatic sigh, she decides to be the bigger person. She turns and walks back to the rehearsal room, hovering in the doorway when she hears familiar strumming. She watches Ricky, his back to her while he plays. She starts to enter the room, pausing when she sees that he’s singing to someone. Not just anyone, but you. You’re looking at him fondly, chin resting in your hand. She doesn’t have time to roll her eyes before you start singing along, noting how his voice stops shaking when yours mingles with his.

She’s having the worst day ever, EJ keeps texting her, and there’s Ricky, serenading you. She can’t even talk to him alone for five minutes without you hovering. She feels sick. She hates this, hates the way you ogle at him. She should be the one in there, the one duetting with him.. She’s known him since kindergarten for god’s sake, she has the right to comfort him. Tears welling up in her eyes, she storms off, pulling her song book from her backpack to pour everything into its pages. She’s ready to fill it with songs of betrayal and heartbreak.

After some more singing, wandering around, and examining old props from former shows, you and Ricky find yourselves on a stiff couch that’s been hidden in the back of the prop room for ages. Just being around props, costumes, old playbills and other paraphernalia makes Ricky feel better. There’s a restorative quality in theaters he never knew about until now. It’s like he can pretend that nothing is different than it was yesterday, like everything is still the same.

“Can… can we just stay here for a while?” he asks, hugging a basketball and leaning into you.

“Yeah,” you say softly, “‘course. As long as you want.” you press a kiss to the top of his head, and you both settle deeper into the couch, rough woven texture rubbing against your arms. He rests his head on your shoulder while you play with his hair, telling him more stories from your time in Matilda. Most notably how nice the person who played Miss Trunchbull was, and how tangled everyone’s hair was from being teased and styled so much. It smelled more like hairspray than when you were actually in Hairspray.

You trace shapes on his back while you talk. His breath is warm on your neck, and he can smell your perfume, the same peachy perfume you wore to homecoming. He’s flooded with memories of how beautiful you were that night, how you touched him, how you tasted. He lets out a soft sigh at the memory. He’s craving more than holding you, he needs to be closer, needs more. He needs to be inside you. He gives a fleeting thought to your location; it’s late, and he’s sure no one will come sniffing around the prop room in the guts of the theatre department. It’s enough justification for him, and he indulges his desires, beginning to press kisses to your face and neck. He grabs at your waist, drawing an anticipatory giggle. The noise soothes him, and he wants more.

“I-” he tries not to let his voice waver, but you know him so well by now it’s impossible to hide, “...just need you close. Need you with me.” he sighs into your skin, desperate for your smell, your touch, you you you. You rub his back, your touch so cathartic it makes him want to cry.

“I’m not going anywhere, Ricky.” you state gently, and he latches onto your words, wanting desperately to believe them. You pull him in to kiss you more, and he shoves his tongue past your lips, sighing into your mouth at how much better he already feels from that alone. He was right, he really does just need to be inside you, be as close to you as possible.

He climbs on top of you as you lace your hands through his hair, embracing the taste of your tongue against his. He lets out a shuddering sigh as you place your soft thigh between his, and he grinds against you, unable to stop his hips from rutting into you. He whines at how good it feels, how much better you make him feel. He tugs at the waistband of your pants, and you smile a little at how eager he is for you. You reach into a pocket deep in your bag, zipped up tight, to grab a condom while he makes quick work of shimmying both your pants down.

“Will- will you put it on for me?” he whines quietly into your neck, and you nod, humming and running your hand through his hair in response.

He’s already moaning and you’ve barely started to put it on. He’s so needy, so desperate for you that it brings a smile to your face. You can’t deny how cute you find it. He pushes into you, trying not to go too fast, and the air is knocked from both your lungs as he works his way deeper into your wet, welcoming cunt. He fucks you needy and desperate, whining cutely like a little puppy as he humps into you. He grinds his pelvis against your clit, needing to be closer to you, and the noises you let out are like a warm shower after a long day.

“F-fuck, Ricky, just like that… good boy…”

He speeds up, whining and panting into your mouth as you praise him, and he feels little tears begin to prick at the corners of his eyes. Both for how fucking bad today has been, and how fucking good you make him feel. Your touch, your words, the way you call him a good boy and reassure him as he tries to pull you closer to him even though you’re already as close as you can possibly get, it’s all so addictive. You’re so wet; tighter and warmer and more reassuring around him than anything. You feel so soothing, like aloe on a sunburn, and he wants more and more and more of it.

The head of his cock keeps rubbing against that spongy part inside you, drawing out more gasps and moans, more noises that make his heart pound. He can’t get enough. He’s grabbing at your clothes and clinging to you, begging, whining your name over and over like a prayer. He feels you tighten up around him, feels the way your legs shake, and it sends him over the edge. He had been sucking a hickey into your chest, but now his teeth and tongue graze your skin as he moans, rutting deeper and deeper into you as he spills all of himself into your welcoming embrace.

A few moments when he would normally pull out and get up, instead he buries his face in your neck. “Can we… just stay here for a minute?”

There’s still a fragile quality to his voice, and you begin running your fingers through his hair again, before pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Sure,” you say, nodding. You play with his hair as he sucks on your tits, his arms wrapped tight around your waist. He runs his tongue over the soft flesh, reveling in the taste, the way your walls flutter around him when he plays and sucks on your hardened bud. He finds comfort in the gesture, the way you taste. You stay like that for a little while, and Ricky feels his brain go fuzzy with how good you feel and taste, how sweet you are to him. If he could live between your legs - and with his face in your tits - he would in a heartbeat.

Your phone buzzes, pulling you slightly out of the warm little bubble you’ve created. It’s Ashlyn. You know she’s upset, she has to be after today. Ricky freezes, looking up at you to see what you do. You bring your finger to your lips, gesturing for him to stay quiet, then place your hand on the back of his head, bringing him back down to your soft chest.

You pick up the phone, chatting with Ashlyn, listening as she vents and worries to you, gently scratching Ricky’s back the whole time. You have such a casual, nurturing energy, and being squished between your tits, still deep inside you while you idly chat on the phone makes Ricky’s head spin. He can’t get enough of you, can’t stop thinking about how good you treat him, how nice your attention feels. When he wants a little more, he’ll grind his hips against your twitching clit, just to feel the way you throb and squeeze around him, to hear the little hitch in your breath that you try to conceal.

You send him a warning look, but you can’t keep a straight face, not when he’s looking at you like that.

“Hey, what if we did a song?” you ask into the phone, Ashlyn silent on the other end as she listens, “Like, what if we did a huge, original, show stopping number, and, like… a flashmob at the meeting tomorrow. You know, show them what we can do when she’s the one directing us.”

“I… love that. Oh my god, I’m dead. Yes.” she states, and you smile. “I- god, I’m already getting ideas. Uh… okay, can you meet me at Big Red’s?” she spitballs, excited to work on this.

“Yeah,” you say, gaze flickering back down at Ricky, “we’ll be over in a few, text everyone else - we’ll need as much backup as we can get.” you chuckle.

“Oh,” she says, a knowing tone to her voice, “is… Ricky with you?” Dammit. Now you have to play this off.

“Uh, yeah, we were just-” you trail off, fighting a giggle as he grinds against you. He chuckles into your tits, feeling them jiggle around his mouth.

“We were just hanging around the theater,” you finish, “he didn’t want to leave yet.”

“Yeah,” she says, thinking about earlier, regretting leaving so soon, “tell me about it. Anyway, get here as soon as you can so we can work on this.”

She hears a light, flustered giggle distantly through the speaker, and knows it’s him making you laugh. She could let it slide, but calling you out is too tempting.

“...Hi, Ricky.” she says. It’s silent for a minute.

“Hi, Ashlyn.” his voice is sheepish, and she hears you both giggle. She’s glad you know she knows you’ve been hanging out together, flirting too, no doubt. You hang up shortly after, then begin the process of finally detangling yourselves from each other, and cleaning up enough to look presentable. Ricky’s chest squeezes when you adjust his hoodie strings and fix his hair. He returns the caring gesture by helping you to his car, your legs still wobbly.

By the time you get to Red’s, Ashlyn already has some lyrics she’s working on, and part of a chorus. Red looks at Ricky, nodding toward you. Ricky looks at him pointedly, gaze flicking to Ashlyn, noting the flustered look on Red’s face. Red gives him a look that screams HAHAHA WHAT? NO! Why is it obvious?? Ricky makes a mental note to grill him on it later.

They watch you and Ashlyn work together, brainstorming lyrics and choreo as everyone else arrives, and Ricky is thrilled to see you in your natural habitat like this. By the time everyone else is there, you, Ashlyn, and Carlos have made great progress, with everyone else helping to bounce around ideas and iron out details.

“You know,” Nina starts, a performative tone of wisdom to her voice, “I think we should go for a power ballad.”

“Uh…” you look over at Ashlyn, who you can tell is feeling defensive over the work you’ve already done. You look at Carlos, who doesn’t seem to want to do a power ballad either. You choose your words carefully.

“I totally see where you’re coming from, a power ballad would be really impactful, but I think in this case we need to go for something with more wow factor.”

“A power ballad has wow factor!” she says. Even she realizes how flimsy that sounds. She lets out a contemptuous sigh, “But a power ballad would show how much she means to us.” she’s clearly trying to tug on the heartstrings, and it’s not working on you. You check the clock. You don’t have time to debate with her.

“Realistically,” you start, a decisive tone to your voice, “I don’t think we have time to rework all this into a power ballad. I think we should stick with the direction we’re going in, and commit-”

“Oh, so you want to play it safe?” she asks, seeming like she caught you in something, “I thought music… was about taking risks.”

You hold back the biggest sigh of your life, when Ricky jumps in behind you.

“I think we should listen to her.”

Nina starts to thank him, the sees that he’s pointing to you. The words dry up in her throat.

“She is like,” he continues, “the most talented person I’ve ever seen. She really knows what she’s talking about, guys.”

Everyone seems to agree, except for Nina. You can feel the pissy aura radiating off her already. You send him a grateful look, then turn back to her, trying to be professional.

“A power ballad is still a great idea-”

“No, no.” she says, passive aggressive and dismissive, “you go ahead. I’ll just be quiet.” everything about her is making your irritation spike, but you know you don’t have time to babysit her or her feelings. If she thinks she can make you feel bad for that, then she’s wrong.

“Okay, as long as you’re sure.” You state, before getting back into it with Ashlyn.

As soon as you finish holding out the final note, you’re met with cheers that turn into roaring applause. Your mom and Ricky’s dad both advocated for Miss Jenn, tipping the scales for Principal Gutierrez to agree, letting her keep her job. Ricky finds you immediately, picking you up and spinning you around. He holds you so tight, and you both giggle, elated. You can’t believe it really worked. When he pulls away you can see it on him, the electric energy, the rush of a good performance. He doesn’t even need to say anything because you’re feeling the same thing, and the silent understanding is shared between you.

“This will be nothing compared to opening night.” you say, your smile infectious, and he can’t wait. Like, he genuinely can’t wait for opening night. He’s never been more motivated for anything than he has for this, performing alongside you again. He’s gotten a taste, and he wants more.

Nina hugs Seb. When she pulls away, she sees you and ricky talking animatedly - and very close together. She deflates at the sight before her. You’re holding each other and laughing, absolutely beaming at each other. A knot forms in her stomach.

“What are they even talking about?” she scoffs.

“Probably some cute story about when the basement flooded when she was in Matilda.” Gina mutters. Nina hadn’t noticed she was there, but something about that rings a bell she can’t place. It’s scratching around in the back of her mind, and she wonders why that sounds familiar.

Across the room, Ricky catches his dad and Miss Jenn talking real close together too. You follow his gaze, eyes widening. You see how his brow furrows, and think now would be a good time for a distraction.

“You know,” you start, drawing his attention back to you, “if you want to this weekend, I can show you some of the shows I’ve been in.” you offer.

“Are you kidding?” He asks with a chuckle, his whole face lighting up, “Yes! Yeah, absolutely!” You smile, your expression mirroring his.

“After we catch up on our sleep, though,” you say, exhaustion setting in from both the all nighter and the high energy performance you just pulled off. You rub your eyes, bleary. “Cause I am about to crash, dude.”

“Same,” he laughs, and it quickly turns into a yawn. You both giggle, making your way to Ricky’s dad’s car so he can drop you off before you take Ricky home. Your mom has a meeting starting ten minutes ago, so she had to rush over to city hall right after you got the good news, and Mike offered to give you a ride. He drops you off, watching the way you and Ricky talk. You’re still having a good time together even when you’re this tired. It’s a positive sign, he thinks. Soon they’re turning into their driveway, and he knows he has minutes before Ricky’s out like a light.

“She seems nice,” he starts, expecting Ricky to brush it off or act all embarrassed, demand you’re just hanging out, or whatever the kids are calling it now. Instead, he’s met with a wistful sigh.

“Yeah… she is.” he says with an exhausted, sincere smile. The openness of his answer surprises Mike. “She’s… the best.”

Ricky’s inside and falling into bed before Mike can ask any follow up questions, but he intends to a little later. He doesn’t know if it’s because of Jenn, or the show, or you, but he’s so glad to see Ricky smile like that again.

#ricky bowen #ricky bowen x reader #hsmtmts ricky #hsmtmts #hsmtmts smut #hsm x reader #rocks at your window #good news about the doctor thing is some stuff looks like it might happen way faster than i expected #which i'm happy about #also not going to think about #just going to write more rocks lol

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thebiggerbear · 5 months

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A Little Preview - TGACFY Chap 2 - Beau Arlen x Female Reader - 12/2/23

A/N: Hey guys, I am so sorry it's taking me so long to get this chapter out to you. The date scene is what's holding me up; the rest of the chapter is written. There are things I need to set up in that scene that are in relation to the big case story line as well as for the reader's background while setting her and Beau up and other things to come in the story for them. (my poor beta, if you only knew how much I'm putting her through with this one chapter; the amount of back and forth we've had over these past few months alone lol) So I apologize; I just want to get it right. I promise it will be coming to you soon. Thank you for your continued patience.

In the meantime, I think it's only fair to you for me to post a little preview of the chapter. I took out any specific spoilers.

Tag list: @deans-spinster-witch; @superrey; @fromcaintodean; @stoneyggirl2; @lacilou; @zepskies; @perpetualabsurdity; @deansbbyx; @syrma-sensei

This is all unbeta'd right now so all mistakes are mine.

<-->

Once you stepped outside, you did a quick scan of the area and found the man you were looking for. He was in a different car this time, a rust-colored truck that had definitely seen better days.

He had just turned to look at the entrance when he spotted you, eyes widening slightly. He hurried to get out of his car and began to approach you. You decided to meet him halfway, thankful there wasn’t really anyone milling around at that moment.

Before he could get a word out, you noticed the new look right away.

“You changed,” you accused.

“So did you,” he pointed out, his eyes roving over you.

You nervously smoothed down the skirt of your dress with your fingers. “I wasn’t sure if there was a dress code where we were going. I should have asked. Is this okay?”

He nodded, a slow smile forming on his face. “More than okay. You look amazing,” he breathed.

You couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, you look great, too.” You took him in and definitely liked what you saw. No hat, a button-down that hugged him in all the right places, jeans, short brown wavy hair that looked to be the right length for you to run your fingers through, a touched up beard from earlier, and a warm grin. “So you put the cowboy away.”

He chuckled and you could swear you could see a faint pink color dusting his cheeks, though it wasn’t easy to tell in this light. “A little bit.” He gestured towards his cowboy boots, making you let out a quiet laugh.

“I like it.” You gave him a kind smile; you truly did like what you saw.

His smile grew and he held out an arm in invitation. “Shall we, little lady?”

“Oh no, you didn’t.”

Chuckling once more, he lowered his arm and moved closer. “Too much?”

“Way too much.”

This time, he held out his hand to you in offering, and tried again, giving you his most charming smile. “Ready, Beautiful?”

Choosing to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat, you placed your hand in his and gave him a nod of approval. “Better. Still needs work, but better.” You could feel the warmth of his skin seeping into yours and you almost wanted to intertwine your fingers with his to feel more of it, but that would be too forward of you and might make things awkward. You hadn’t even gone on the date yet. So instead, you smiled when you felt the strength of his grip and let him lead you wherever he intended to go.

He started towards the truck. “Already, you are one tough woman to please. I hope this isn’t a sign of how the rest of our night will go,” he quipped.

“Depends on how hard you work to please me.”

His eyes snapped to yours and seeing your teasing grin, he shook his head, looking away, clearly amused. “I really got myself into something here, didn't I?”

“You did,” you laughed.

“You know, they say you East Coast girls can be difficult to satisfy.” You noticed the twang purposely deepen as he teased you back.

Once you reached the car, he opened your door for you. “You know, they say you Texan cowboys never met a challenge you didn’t like.” You moved past him, not missing the smirk on his face and the shake of his head, and slipped into the passenger seat. He closed your door for you and you rearranged your dress by the time he joined you inside.

He turned a smile on you. “Ready?”

You returned it and gave him a nod after having buckled your seat belt. “Ready.”

You watched as his smile broadened and he started up the car, thinking this date was already going better than the other two you’d had since coming here.

<-->

A/N: What'd you guys think of their interaction? How do you think the date will go? What do you hope happens? Please let me know what you think. 😊

#the ghosts are coming for you #beau arlen x female reader #the ghosts are coming for you chapter 2 preview #writing previews

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s-creations · 5 months

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26 Ways to Feel Mortal - H: Hollow

26 Chapters based around experiences that newly arrived Geno experiences while trying to find the Star Pieces.

Fandom: Super Mario & Releated Fandoms, Super Mario RPG Rating: Teen and UP Audiences Relationship: Mario/Geno (Nintendo), Mario/Princess Peach (Nintendo) Additional Tags: Rating for Teen needed for later chapters, but shouldn't be to worrisome, I'll have warnings if I'm worried, Poly relations!, Main characters will always be named, Minor characters will arrive as needed, the chapters are not in a specific order, just meets the needs of the given word, please be aware of spoilers.

Hollow: (adjective) Having a hole or empty space inside.

“Geno?”

The puppet, who’d been staring at his hands for a while, looked up hearing his name. “Mallow, are you okay?”

“I was going to ask you that. You’ve been sitting here for a bit now.” Mallow made their way over to Geno. Happily plopping down next to the puppet.

“Oh, I’m fine. Just…thinking.”

“About?”

“Well…can I ask you something?”

“Sure!”

“Do you ever feel…not like yourself?”

Mallow frowned in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“This body isn’t mine. I know I’m borrowing this until I can complete my task. I mean, that was the intended purpose. But I’ve been in here for so long now, it’s starting to feel like…myself. Except, it’s not. Because this isn’t what I really look like. It feels right though. How is that even possible? It leaves me feeling…lost.”

Geno clenched his hand together tightly. Seeing Mallow’s face full of worry. “How do you feel like yourself but also an imposter, is that even possible? Am I still myself if I change so much? I’ve been stuck in this mindset for a while now, going around in circles trying to find some solution.”

Letting out a slow sigh, Geno offered a small smile to Mallow in hopes to offer some comfort. “I’m sorry, this… You shouldn’t be worrying about this. It’s just a silly thought bouncing around my head.”

He fell quiet when Mallow wrapped his arms around one of Geno’s. The puppet falling quiet to allow the other to collect his thoughts.

“Before Grandpa told me I was adopted, I sort of knew I wasn’t a frog,” Mallow spoke softly, “I didn’t look like a tadpole, but I wasn’t old enough to be a frog. Even if everyone was super nice and grandpa told me he loved me, I felt…wrong. I didn’t look like anyone else, but I didn’t know what I was or where to go to figure it out. Even with everyone’s support, I felt like I didn’t belong.”

Geno flinched slightly as a raindrop landed on his cheek. Looking up as the sky began to turn a steely gray, rain starting to fall. He moved to wrap his arms around Mallow.

Mallow sniffed before continuing, “I felt like a fraud. I wasn’t a frog, I wasn’t a Toad, I was nothing. But I just smiled and said everything was fine if someone asked. Even now, being told that my suspicions were right, I still feel lost. It’s a jumbled mess of thinking, if I don’t belong where I’ve been raised, where do I belong, who am I really?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while…and then I remember something that Grandpa always told me growing up. I thought he had been just trying to comfort me when I was younger. You know, how adults just say things to make things better but make no sense.”

“Uh…of course.” Geno replied weakly, honestly having no idea what Mallow was relating to.

“I remember, he said,” Mallow sat up a little further and cleared his throat, “Uh…it was something like: ‘There is no one right answer. You’re shaped by what you learn, not what you are. If you focus on what you think you’re supposed to be, you’ll never become you’.”

“I see… What does that mean?” Geno asked.

Mallow kicked his legs, “I’ve started to take it as… I can’t get stuck on what I don’t know. I’m not a frog, I’m not a Toad, I’m Mallow. And I need to be the best Mallow there is. When I find my parents, I want to connect with them. But I don’t want the not knowing to be the only thing about me. No matter where I go or what I do, as long as I’m still me and I’m happy being me, that’s enough.”

“Oh…”

“I think you’re forcing yourself to figure you out too soon. Do you like being Geno?”

The puppet blinked slowly in thought, “Yes.”

“Do you like how you look?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want us to use your other name?”

“No.”

“Do you…hate your old name?”

Geno frowned softly. “I mean…no, but it doesn’t feel like me anymore. I mean, if someone called me that, I wouldn’t be offended. I’d just ask that they call me Geno instead. I…I like being Geno.”

“Then be Geno! You’re still you, your name’s just different and you’re more comfortable. That’s not a bad thing.”

“...I suppose so.”

“And, if you’re still having trouble, then I’ll help! So will Mario and Peach. I’m not so sure about Bowser… But what ever is happening Geno, we’re here to help. And whatever happens, you’re still you. Whoever that will eventually be, I’ll still care about you.”

Geno let out a heavy breath, he swallowed down a lump in his throat as he felt Mallow hug him back.

“Thank you, Mallow.”

“You’re welcome, Geno.”

#geno smrpg #geno #mario #mallow #princess peach #bowser #s-creations #fanfiction #genario

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catboy-sinister · 5 months

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the "you are barely a paper mask" and "it's all i have Charles" are making me fucking INSANE.

GOSH IVE TRIED TO GET ALL MY THOUGHTS OUT ABOUT THIS BUT I JUST CANNOT LIKE

I saw your tags talking about how this guy has NPD and like. yes. before we knew but now we KNOW

and imo the paper mask thing doesn't just apply to Gillen + post Gillen Hickman - Gillen Renaissance eras. like you could argue he's always been like this, even when he was just a mysterious villain in the background (you'd see a diamond or something or someone would be watching cameras and you'd be like oh shit!!!)

tbh Charles is stronger than me cause I would've folded. I also feel kinda BAD for him* which I'd never thought I would? gonna have to tag this spoilers but

the irony is he's kinda getting a taste of his own medicine. cause he was created and programmed for one singular purpose (to become a Dominion) just like he's done to other people (Black Womb etc). but I do still feel bad, mostly bc of that forehead cause DAMN you could run a mile on that thing and still not make it to the hairline

my man is having a CRISIS right now. I get it, I would too if my basis of reasoning was built upon the idea that I'm superior to all and then having a better version of myself laugh in my face. rebecca and faye are cackling while they have tea and talk shit. BUT ALSO "it's all I have Charles" GRAH ALL HE HAD WAS HIS SUPERIORITY AND IT'S GONE! IT'S ALL HE HAD GOING FOR HIM!!

like this man. is laying his whole soul bare for Charles because A) he's the only person he can talk to ofc but B) CHARLES MIGHT BE THE ONLY PERSON TO UNDERSTAND!!! we've known for a hot second that Sinister had an irreversible influence on Charles as a kid. he fucked that kid UP. but he was also sort of a father figure in a way. (side note - his position as a patriarch has always made me foam at the mouth and I have more to say about it but I CANNOT at the moment)

"you are full of broken glass" just. THERE'S SO MUCH WEIGHT TO THAT LINE I CANT EVEN DISSECT IT RN. GOD.

"I should have stuck to being Apocalypse's science lackey" he misses his boyfriend aw. but fr though, DAMN. because he HATED THAT! he HATED being chained by Apocalypse and being subservient (no one make a kink joke.).

He's lost everything, I can't stress that enough. He's like a rabid animal - desperately biting and clawing, lying and backstabbing and doing whatever he can to stay on top, all while putting on a MASK that he's got everything under control, that he's two steps ahead. He's not as smart or infallible as he thinks he is. He's painfully, painfully human, and he's finally realizing it, and he is NOT taking it well.

okay I have to shut up now I'm so sorry GAH I could talk about him for years. this was word vomit sorry this is not structured. MLA format Sinister essay when???

*okay I lied I did feel kinda bad for him in Further Adventures but he deserved all of it so 🤷

#asks #sinister posting

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kindred-sims · 1 year

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Tag Game for Historical Simblrs!

Thank you to the delightful @antiquatedplumbobs for tagging me! 💕

1. What has been your favorite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

From my own personal gameplay I did a while back, I really enjoyed the 1920s! I adore the fashion and music of that time period so that's always a fun one for me. For the Wakefields, I'm also equally as excited to do the 20s again, as well as the 1960s since I may or may not have a storyline in mind for it already (even if may be very far away, but it doesn't hurt to plan ahead). 👀

2. Do you have a favorite piece of historical cc? (CAS or BB)

Anything by @gilded-ghosts, particularly the Victorian Visions set. I absolutely adore Victorian era fashions and it just really scratches that particular itch for me so well.

3. Who is your favorite sim currently?

My lovely Josephine of course! Carrie as well, though, she may not be the heir for the 1900s (spoiler alert, sorry), but I do have quite a lot planned for her story that I'm very excited to explore.

4. What is your favorite world?

At the moment, its tied between Henford-on-Bagley and Brindleton Bay, though Windenburg is certainly a close contender. All three just really have the right feel for historical gameplay and I find myself coming back to them the most.

5. Are you more gameplay or story focused?

I try to keep a good balance of both, I'd say. Sometimes I try to plan a whole story ahead of time, but that doesn't usually work so well when the game decides it has other plans. So I mostly just try to work around it whenever that happens, but I don't mind! It gives me the chance to get creative and I always love having that chance.

6. Do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

Yes! I make it a policy to try and give each generation their own pet(s), I feel like its only fair.

7. What’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve with the game?

I would say the sims constantly whipping their phones out, but thankfully I have mods to take care of that. The randomly generated townies, however, drive me nuts! I can't even begin to say how annoying it is when I'm trying to stage a scene in a public area and some pink-haired sim with a weird name walks by in the background, I truly cannot stand it.

8. What’s your favorite in-game historical item? (CAS or BB)

The cross-stitching kit that came with Cottage Living, if that counts! I actually got so happy when I saw that included with the gameplay, and I was obsessed with making my sims constantly use it. I just think its a cute little hobby for them to do and it really adds to the authenticity of the time period for me.

9. What would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

Oh gosh, a horse ranch pack would actually be tons of fun, although I'm not sure what purpose horses would serve in a game that isn't open-world. I just think they'd be neat to have is all. A Victorian-themed pack would also be nice as well!

10. What pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

Cottage Living, for sure! That is, if you're starting off with/plan on doing a farm at any point. I purposefully waited for that one to come out before I even attempted my first decades challenge.

11. Do you have a favorite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

The Timeless mod by @pandorasimbox is always a good one, it definitely adds to the overall immersion for me!

12. What’s your ideal family size for playing?

However many sims I can handle at the time. I know realistically my households would be a lot bigger, but I also have my limits, you know? The most I'll probably do is six, but again, it really depends.

13. Do you use poses?

Only when I really have to! If I know a scene is going to be story-heavy, then I try to incorporate as many poses as possible, but other times I mostly just tend to stick to gameplay since admittedly, posing can get incredibly tedious at times.

14. Do you use any overrides in your game?

Too many to count! I don't know what I'd do without them, honestly.

15. Do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

I try to play off the grid up to a point, but it gets annoying sometimes when my sims are constantly forced to eat mushroom soup for the hundredth time or when I have to put a million candles just to see inside of the house. I'm at the point where I may just end up removing that lot trait, but we'll see.

16. What lifespan do you play on?

A slightly-modified normal! Since I'm usually playing a legacy, I try to keep things moving at a steady pace, though I'll admit I've gone back and forth between normal and long multiple times if I'm wanting to take my time with a particular storyline.

17. What inspired you to start playing a historically?

I think a lot of it mainly comes from my love of historical fiction. I was a wee bit of a history nerd growing up (still am, otherwise we wouldn't be here), was obsessed with American Girl novels, the Dear America books, you name it I read it. I also visited a lot of historical museums and battlegrounds and read a lot of biographical stories about important figures in history, as well as consuming historical themed movies and TV shows too (The 1970s adaptation of Little House on the Prairie in particular is one of my favorites). Although I don't think it ever occurred to me to try a historical gameplay until I discovered the decades challenge, and after reading a few of them I decided it was something I'd really love to do for myself. Eventually I'd love to branch out and do more historical themed stories and gameplay, but for now, I'm enjoying the Wakefields and what I have in store for them!

As far as tagging goes, I'm leaving this open to anyone else who might like to do this! ❤️

#tag game #ask game

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waltwhitmansbeard · 1 year

Text

drabble masterlist

these are all of the drabbles i have written for critical role or the legend of vox machina. they are stand-alone and should be assumed to contain spoilers for either cr or tlovm. they are also collected on ao3 in a work titled worse: we're family. want to prompt me something? see my ask meme tag or just send me an ask with an idea. (please be sure to specify the ask meme your prompt is from, especially if it's not the most recent one i've reblogged!) this post will be linked on my pinned post and updated as new drabbles are posted. i will take prompts for critical role, the legend of vox machina, or my longfic, my fair lady (see my pinned post for more info). i am willing to write characters from any cr campaign, but these are the ships i feel most comfortable/excited to write:

keyleth/vax

vex/percy

vax/gilmore

keyleth/vax/gilmore

caleb/essek

jester/fjord

orym/will

laudna/imogen

dorian/orym

i also really enjoy writing platonic friendships between really any of the cr pcs (or npcs!) so feel free to float those my way as well! you can be as specific or as general as you'd like in prompts.

critical role - campaign one - keyleth/vax

"I need to change the bandage."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for."

The first time they realize their partner will live a large part of their life without them

A near death experience involving the partner meant to live longer shaking the faith of the shorter lived partner

Being an expert in teasing each other

Kissing to make them stop talking

On a whim, pulling your lover into an alley and pressing your lips firmly against theirs, getting lost in each other's touch while the streets bustle outside

Smoothing your fingers down your lover's tie, fixing where your lover couldn't tie it right

Pushing your lover against a wall after one too many teasing comments, but being met with unsaid tension instead of the quiet. Both of you unable to continue with the jokes

Whispering jokes/loving words in a lecture/school/church/a meeting. Trying not to laugh/flirt back in fear of disturbing everyone else who’s trying to pay attention

A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it

An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead."

"I can't sleep if you're not here to cuddle with me."

Risking something in order to achieve something

Going to sleep as the big spoon and waking up as the little spoon

“I wouldn’t trade you for all the stars in the sky.”

critical role - campaign one - vex/percy

"They're gone, it's okay."

"It's not til death do us part for us, is it? It's until death takes you from me."

"Even if you’re sick, you’re still the prettiest girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse in the world."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead."

Ranting to friends or a relative about the other, only for them to agree and call you out on your wrongdoings

"What have you done to my heart?"

Using the made-up words of their child(ren) in all their conversations

"I think you should kiss me."

critical role - campaign one - everyone else

"Don't move, you're still hurt." (keyleth & percy)

Friends of a recovering person come over to celebrate their homecoming (pike & vax)

Always pointing out certain annoying behaviour (pike/scanlan)

Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain (vax/gilmore)

Feeling so lonely that they have to call their lover/friend, just to get a sense and reminder that they're still there (keyleth & percy)

Hesitantly tugging the other's fabric of their shirt or sleeve, testing the waters (vesper & gwendolyn)

Lingering with your lips open, touching, but not kissing, and this one glance at their eyes and you say fuck it and pull at their collar to kiss them (vax/gilmore)

"Touch them again and I promise, it will be the last thing you ever do." (vex & vax)

Vex and Percy have to deal for the first time with their eldest teen acting a bit out (percy & wolfe)

"Leave the light on." (keyleth & vilya)

Seeing what the other needs without them having to say it out loud (keyleth & percy)

Sharing something personal (pike/scanlan)

Defending them in front of others (keyleth & scanlan)

Tucking strands of loose hair behind their ears, with a thumb caressing their cheek (vax/gilmore)

Kiss on the forehead (pike/scanlan)

Patching up a wound (scanlan & vax)

Protecting (scanlan & kaylie)

Near death experience (scanlan & vax)

"I looked everywhere for you." (keyleth & pike)

"I'm not going anywhere." (pike & scanlan)

"Holy shit. Are you okay? What the hell happened?" (vex & scanlan)

"You're not weak for needing people." (grog & percy)

Vax meets a young Orym in Zephrah (orym & vax)

critical role - campaign two

"Hey, leave them alone. They just fell asleep." (beau & caleb)

"C'mere, I don't mind letting you sleep on me." (caleb/essek)

"Don't you dare wake them up." (beau & caleb)

"I won't let them put their hands on you." (beau & caleb)

Reassurance in the form of food/movies/games, forcing them to take a second away and relax with you (veth & caleb)

"I am trusting you with that hand, darling. I hope my trust isn't misplaced." (caleb/essek)

Breaking down mid-hug because they just needed this so much (keyleth & vilya)

Helping each other out (jester & caduceus)

Collecting flowers on their way home (beau/yasha)

“As soon as I heard what happened, I dropped everything and rushed over here.” (beau & clara)

“What have I told you about getting into fights?”/“They were talking shit about you!” (beau & caleb)

Giving them their personal space (caleb/essek)

Person A and person B accidentally giving each other flowers at the same time (jester/fjord)

Interlacing their fingers with the other’s when they least expect it (caleb/essek)

Games (beau & jester & veth)

Platonic kisses (essek)

"Look, I made this for you. I also made one for mum/dad/parent." (beau/yasha)

"She's my date. Fuck off." (beau/yasha)

"Get some sleep." (caleb/essek)

critical role - campaign three

Mapping out your lover's features while they sleep in your arm, smoothing your thumbs down their cheeks, throat, collarbones, chin and nose (orym/will)

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." (keyleth/vax)

"That's been known to happen." (fearne & orym)

"Can I hold your hand?" (dorian/orym)

the legend of vox machina - season one

"I need to change the bandage." (keyleth/vax)

"I owe you an apology." (keyleth & vex)

Having a fight with just looks (vex/percy)

"Let yourself cry, I'm here now. You're safe." (keyleth/vax)

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?" (keyleth/vax)

Catching the other one crying shortly after and immediately feeling an overwhelming wave of guilt crash onto you (keyleth & vex)

Sharing a pillow and waking up with their faces only centimetres apart (keyleth/vax)

the legend of vox machina - season two

A missing conversation from 2x08 (keyleth/vax)

Another missing conversation from 2x08 (keyleth & percy)

Letting out their anger in front of them (keyleth/vax)

Doing something silly to cheer them up (keyleth/vax)

Kisses on the cheek when they leave the room (keyleth/vax)

"Darling, you're shivering. Come here, let me warm you up." (vex/percy)

Starting to heal (pike & grog)

Losing your mind when they tilt your chin to look you in the eye (vex/percy)

That glance at your body with their eyes subtly widening, almost gulping as they take in your attire (keyleth/vax)

Resting their head on the other's stomach, only to fall asleep there (vex & trinket)

Opening up about their own struggles when they see the other's problems (keyleth/vax)

Opening up about their own struggles when they see the other's problems (keyleth & vex)

Cold (pike & percy)

“Just say a word and I’ll kill him.” (keyleth/vax)

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scandalsavagefanfic · 3 years

Note

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is.

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative.

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency.

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him.

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine.

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

#Batman #red hood #batman: urban legends #nice art #shit story #or at least shit characterization #jason todd deserves better #this response got long and I didn't edit it #please forgive any errors #and/or unclear spots #spoilers

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jokertrap-ran · 3 years

Photo

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Evan’s 6✩ Inspiration: Twilight Facet [暮光之境] Date Translation (END 5+6: Heart-throb)

“I offer you my hand, my heart, my everything; are you willing to believe me?”

*Light and Night Master-list | Evan’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *6✩ Inspirations have 6 Endings!! *CG Image used with permission from 蓝咕咕 ☆ *Evan’s tag will be #For Night, For Revolution

✥ Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ✩Light & Night★

it was the perfect time for a lunchtime nap. I…

✩ E5 LIGHT: Ask about his other bedtime habits ✩

I leaned closer to Evan out of curiosity.

MC: Then, do you have anything else prepared other than the aromatherapy? Or… are there any other rules about this stuff set in place?

Evan pauses for a moment, not saying anything.

His eyes were bright, but also as deep as an abyss. It made me tempted to venture further into it, yet I didn't dare proceed any more than half a step.

After staying in place for a few seconds, I suddenly came to the startling realization of just how close I was to him. My body couldn't help but stiffen as I carefully retracted my neck as I inched backwards.

I leaned so close to him and even asked him such a personal question. Will he think that I'm…

Evan: Are you really that interested in these things?

MC: I just wanted to understand you a little more…

I was so embarrassed that I didn't look at him at all. I kept my head lowered, my face a burning mess.

Evan chuckled lightly. His voice was as deep as ever, and it felt pleasant to the ears.

Evan: Then, I'm glad that you're the one who's trying to understand me.

Evan: But, they're all merely small habits that have followed me through childhood. Take this for example…

He picked up the delicate, yet exquisite cup, shaking the red liquid within.

Evan: This here’s called Hereafter. I started drinking it ever since I was a kid, and it has stuck with me ever since. Now, I need this to sleep.

Evan: I wasn't willing to, at first; but I slowly got used to it.

I nodded in understanding. After thinking about it for a while, I picked up the teapot and filled his cup with more of said drink.

MC: Then you should finish these off properly.

Evan: Very well.

He picked up the cup and took a sip before pausing. He looked at me a little hesitantly, a conflicted expression on his face.

MC: ...Why are you looking at me like that?

Evan: This is… a little too thick.

MC: Ah! I forgot to add water to it earlier. Sorry, sorry…

I quickly added hot water into his cup and stirred it before handing it back to him. However, his brow furrowed a little after just a sip.

Evan: It's a little too hot now.

MC: I'll blow on it for you!

I took the cup over from him without another word, blowing gently on it. It was only after I'd done it a couple of times that I heard a sudden laugh coming from him.

I froze, looking back at him in suspicion.

He was unable to wipe the smile off his face, leaning affectionately into the sofa as he observed me. His eyes sparkled with glee.

MC: ...You…

I looked at the cup and back to him again. Something clicked in my head.

Is he doing this on purpose?

He chuckled lightly, swiftly taking the cup from my grasp and gracefully downing it in one fell swoop.

Evan: Thank you. Now everything's in place.

MC: ……

He's DEFINITELY doing it on purpose!

I helped him close the curtains after he’d finished up his special drink.

MC: Is there anything else that you'd like prepared, Sir?

Evan looked at me, hesitating for a while before shaking his head.

Evan: That's all there is. Thank you.

I glanced at his dark red tie.

MC: How about I help you take off your tie then? I'm sure it'll be uncomfortable to sleep in.

Evan: ……

MC: ……

An awkward silence lapsed between us. It took some time before the realization that I’d just said something really inappropriate hit me...

I hurriedly averted my gaze away from his tie.

MC: Ahaha… What nonsense am I spouting now…

Evan: Sure.

MC: Huh?

Evan: I'll have to trouble you to help me get it off then. Thank you.

MC: ...Okay.

A warm smile slowly filtered into his orbs as he removed his gold-rimmed glasses. He slowly stood up from his reclining position and moved to stand before me.

He was tall and his shadow almost completely enveloped me. My breathing involuntarily stuttered.

I raised my head and reached upwards, carefully starting to work the knot out.

Looks like he did his tie with an exceptionally complicated knot today. I had a go at it for quite some time, but to no avail.

Evan: Is it hard to undo?

MC: A-A little… Erm, could you… bend down a little?

Evan: Alright… Looks like it was a lack of consideration on my part.

He gave an apologetic smile, moving closer to me and leaning further down.

That slightly smiling face of his suddenly drew up close. My brain blanked out, and I could do nothing but stare dumbly at him.

Evan: Will this do?

MC: ……

My breath hitched in my throat. I hurriedly averted my gaze, frantically nodding as I reached out to have another go at his tie.

However, the knot didn't budge at all no matter how hard I tried. It was almost as if the thing had a grudge on me. I couldn't help but feel a little upset at my futile efforts.

Evan: Looks like this doesn't work either. Then, how about...

The words had only just left his mouth when he suddenly reached over. He wrapped his arm around my waist and hoisted me up!

MC: !!!

I jolted. Startled by the sudden movement, I instinctively clung to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and earning another chuckle from him.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Carrying me, Evan retreated a couple of steps backwards. He seated himself on the side of the bed with me sitting sideways atop his thigh. He held my hand and brought it up to his collar which was already loose and dishevelled.

MC: Evan…

Evan: It should be much easier now. Try again?

There was a pleasantly warm smile on his face, but it was hard to ignore the firm chest pressed up to my palm, rising and falling in time with his breathing.

This is all to undo his tie, right? Still, this position is a little…

I bit my lip and tried to calm my rapid breathing. I tentatively moved a little, only to feel his entire body suddenly stiffen in response.

I stiffened as well, freezing in place. I didn't dare move an inch.

It was a few seconds later that his voice sounded in my ears again.

Evan: Are you going to start?

MC: ...Yeah.

I tried my hardest to shelve the wild thought that had taken refuge in my head as my trembling hands took hold of his tie once more.

After composing myself, I was soon able to undo his tie. I also helped him unbutton the first button of his dress shirt.

And just like that, his pretty and prominent collarbones were revealed to my eye. Going further up was his adam's apple that bobbed ever so occasionally. And going further down would be his chest, which my hand was currently pressed against, rising and falling with his every breath.

The muscles beneath my touch were firm but relaxed, rippling beneath his skin as if waiting for the perfect chance to come into play. This side of Evan was one unknown to me; one that screamed danger. Yet, it was still deadly attractive. I couldn't stop my face from flushing scarlet once more.

MC: Um… your tie's undone now… You can rest easy

Evan: I'm in no hurry. Besides, this makes up the last of my bedtime habits.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Evan: Now, how about you tell me about your bedtime habits?

MC: My bedtime habits?

I stared into his deep orbs. The ghost of a familiar melody sounded by my ears, soft and gentle.

It was the song that my grandmother used to sing to me before bed as a kid. Recalling these softened my heart and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

MC: My grandmother used to hum to me.

Evan: A lullaby?

MC: Yup! But not just lullabies! Sometimes it's a traditional folk song, and sometimes it’s a western nursery rhyme.

MC: I recall there being one with really odd lyrics about how a leopard fell in love with a foxface rabbitfish.

MC: The foxface rabbitfish asked the leopard if it wanted to go down to the sea and see how it was like. The leopard agreed.

MC: And then they both lived happily ever after together at the bottom of the sea.

MC: Strange, isn’t it? I mean, how can a leopard live under the sea?

Evan: ...What if it's possible?

MC: Huh?

I looked towards Evan. His eyes were slightly drooping, his eyelashes casting small shadows upon his features. I couldn’t read his expressions all that well.

It was a while before he looked back at me again. This time, with his beautiful eyes fully open, and the corners of his lips curled into his usual smile.

Evan: Can you sing it to me?

MC: Yeah… Sure thing.

I softly sang him that weird nursery rhyme of mine, again and again, in a never-ending loop.

I didn’t know how many times I sang the whole rhyme in succession; but just as I stopped once more at the part where the foxface rabbitfish asked the leopard whether it wanted to visit the sea, Evan’s head suddenly fell onto the crook of my neck.

MC: !!

The nursery rhyme came to an abrupt stop as my ears were slowly filled with another sound.

It was the sound of his long and steady breathing, gently sounding in my ears. Soon, it permeated through my thin clothes, melting into my skin. His hair was soft and a little ticklish as it brushed against my neck, making my heart pound in unrest.

Our surroundings were silent, with only the soft crackling of the fireplace and the intoxicating fragrance that wafted in the air.

It felt like it was going to be a long, long time before this nap was over.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

it was the perfect time for a lunchtime nap. I…

★ E6 NIGHT: Don't hold him up from his afternoon nap ★

It just so happens that it's the perfect time for a lunchtime nap now…

MC: Am I getting in the way of your rest? I'll wait for you out in the hall then. Have a good nap!

With that said, I moved to head out to the hall. However, I hadn't yet gotten a step further before Evan caught me by the wrist.

Evan: Wait.

The unique temperature of his body slowly spreads upon my skin. His touch brought about a slight coolness, momentarily freezing me in place.

MC: ...What's up?

I secretly peeked at the hand he used to hold onto mine. His fingers were pale and long, but there was an undeniable strength behind them. It unwittingly made people a little nervous.

Evan: I was just going to tell you that I don't intend to take an afternoon nap at all today. But what I do have, is an important document that needs my signature.

MC: Uh… I'll still wait for you out in the hall?

Evan: You can just stay here.

MC: Won't I disturb you?

Evan: You won't. I'm more worried that you'd find it boring here.

Evan: The other door in my room connects to my Study. You can go there and kill time if you feel bored.

Now that he mentions it… I do recall seeing a heavy wooden door on the other side of his bedroom…

MC: Ohh… I'll go check out your Study then!

Evan: Sure. I'll go look for you once I'm done.

MC: Okey-dokey!

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

A step into the study was all it took for me to be completely blown away by what awaited inside.

MC: Jesus Christ. These bookshelves span several walls… Who in the world has this many books in their study? It’s kind of amazing in its own right...

And it wasn’t just the bookshelves. There was also a large projector screen on the other end of the study that nearly covered the entire wall.

MC: I’d probably disrupt his work if I watch a movie here… Guess I’ll be better off looking for a book.

But rather than searching the shelves in search of a book, the thought of just what books he'd have in here intrigued me further.

MC: Wow, the bottom few shelves are filled with the biographies of famous people, mystery novels, travel guides… He even has picture books here!

MC: I never knew that he reads such a wide array of books. I wonder if the upper shelves will yield any new discoveries?

I took the stepladder that was placed not too far off and climbed up on it. I excitedly continued my perusal of what books his shelves offered. After a considerable amount of effort, I managed to pull out a thin and old book from amongst a couple of thick books on the history of music.

MC: “Jane Eyre”? Huh…? Was “Jane Eyre” supposed to be this thin, again? And it looks pretty well-thumbed too...

Curious, I opened it.

This was an incomplete copy of "Jane Eyre". There were thick scars on the spine of the book, formed from having its pages torn out. Someone had ripped out nearly ¾ of the book's contents.

Flipping it open, the very first page detailed the part where Jane Eyre wished to leave Thornfield Hall after learning that Rochester was about to get married. Conflicted with her turmoil of emotions, Jane walks to Mr. Rochester's orchard. She'd intended to sneak away as if she was never there, only to be halted by Rochester. And in the end, they finally managed to understand their true feelings for each other under the moonlight, in the eventide breeze that was tinged with the fragrance of jasmine interlaced with roses.

But why does this book start from here? What happened to all the content in front?

Evan: What book is it that has gotten you so engrossed?

MC: !

The low voice that suddenly sounded by my ear made my breathing hitch. Turning around, I hurriedly hid the book behind my back, just like how one would when the teacher found out that they were secretly reading a book in class.

Evan, dressed only in a white dress shirt, was looking at me with a smile that reached his eyes. He wasn't wearing his glasses, and the warmth in his eyes that were normally hidden behind the lenses now faced me in full force.

MC: ...You… You're done with work?

Evan smiled, reaching out to help me adjust the hemline of my skirt that had gotten slightly rumpled.

Evan: Yes. So, what were you reading?

MC: This.

I brought the book I'd hidden behind me back out front.

Evan: Jane Eyre.

His low and pleasantly smooth voice intonated, seemingly touching my very heart. It was like magic; one that miraculously made my heart race.

Evan looked back up at me after reading the title. He had a knowing look in his eyes that was soon disrupted by a flicker of mischief.

I didn't know why, but I didn't quite dare to look up at him right now.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Evan: “I believe you must leave now. I am sorry, but I believe indeed you must.”

MC: Huh? ...O-Oh, I’ll leave now…

Evan: “Exactly, precisely: with your usual acuteness, you have hit the nail straight on the head.”

This… sounds like the lines I’ve just read in “Jane Eyre”...?

Deep down, Jane truthfully didn't want to leave. However, Mr. Rochester had already arranged everything for her departure.

Her job, her destination, and even her future to come.

Evan: “Do you like Ireland? ...You’ll like Ireland, I think.”

He spoke with a low voice, looking at me with a sort of seriousness that I’d never seen before.

It felt as if that line wasn’t from Rochester, directed to Jane; but rather, from Evan to me.

Confounded, I slowly opened my mouth to respond to him.

MC: “It is a long way off, sir. Not the voyage, but the distance: and then the sea is a barrier—”

Evan: "From what, hm?”

MC: “From England and from Thornfield: and一 From you, Sir.”

The words had just left my lips when Evan reached a hand out, bringing it up to my waist. Just a little bit of strength behind his fingertips was all it took for him to hoist me upwards, pressing my upper body closer to him.

Suddenly, the distance between us disappeared. We were so close that our breaths intermingled.

Evan: “I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you— especially when you are near me, as now.”

Evan: “Are you anything akin to me, do you think?”

He gazed at me, his breath brushing across my skin in a manner as intoxicating as wine, effectively sending my rationality out of the window.

I gaped in an attempt to say something. However, my words were eviscerated into nothing by the deep red hue in his eyes.

We stared at each other as we stood within the tall and large study filled with the scent of ink. It felt like we were nothing but the small minuscule dust particles that filtered in with the sun’s rays.

So small, so minuscule that it was almost non-existent; yet still able to hang onto the other, while adrift, fluttering all the same.

Evan: “I offer you my hand, my heart, my everything.”

Evan: “Are you willing to believe me?”

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

My heart thudded heavily in my chest. It felt as if time had come to a stand-still.

I lost myself in the moment, forgetting who I was or where I was. The only thing I wanted to do now was to entrust my heart to him in all its genuineness, and to stay in this beautiful and pleasant moment forever.

According to the story, this was when Jane and Rochester finally gained a mutual understanding of their emotions for each other, sharing a long passionate kiss.

Evan's eyes lowered, coming to a slight close. His fine lashes fluttered downwards as the pale yellow light illuminated his face, casting small beautiful shadows upon his features. He slightly turned his head, the breath that had been one with mine shifting. It brushed against my face, hot and ticklish.

My body seemingly loses the ability to move, and all I could do was stare dumbfoundedly at the face with well-defined features slowly advancing closer.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

At the very last second, I hurriedly covered my face with the book that I'd let rest against my chest in a desperate act.

And in turn, blocking off what could have happened; something that was capable of making my heart stop beating right then and there.

The air was filled with a moment of silence that was soon broken by Evan's laughter.

MC: You…

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

I slowly and carefully lowered the book that'd been covering my face. I watched as Evan lowered his head, leaning it against the crook of my neck as he laughed, shoulders quaking in his mirth.

MC: Stop… stop laughing at me…

Evan: Okay, no laughing.

Evan: ...I'm really happy, (Y/n).

Evan's laughter slowly died off, but his head remained firmly planted onto my shoulder. I quietly relished in the moment of intimate contact with burning cheeks.

MC: Erm… Why’s this book missing so many pages?

Evan: This belonged to my mother. It was already in this state when I first saw it.

Oh, so that’s how it is. Then… perhaps it’s because his mother liked how brave Jane was in this part of the story?

MC: She dared defy; she dared to love.

Evan: Yes. Although, I think my mother will definitely like you much more if she had the chance to meet you.

MC: But… I’m nowhere near as brave as Jane.

He gave a small chuckle before letting go of my shoulder, watching me with a profound look in his eyes. It was as if the Evan that had been reciting Mr. Rochester’s lines had made a comeback.

In the same manner, as Rochester would gaze affectionately at Jane… No. No, that wasn’t it… Those eyes, that gaze… It was Evan who was looking at me so.

Reflected within his orbs were twin silhouettes of me.

He patted my head, his low and intoxicating voice taking on a slightly far-away tone, yet still managing to grace my ears.

Evan: My liking you has absolutely nothing to do with “Jane Eyre”.

Evan: You are (Y/n), and I am Evan. Nothing more, nothing less.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Time flew past.

The glow of the sunset had begun to set in when Aunt Wang finally sent up my dry-cleaned clothes.

Seeing her so busy, I couldn't help feeling a tinge of regret at being the cause of it.

MC: I've brought so much trouble for them both… I should do something to thank them well next time!

Evan looked at me and closed the book in his hand.

Evan: They're usually the only ones here, so it'll do them a little good to be busy once in a while.

Evan: Having something to do would also make it feel all the more fulfilling.

MC: Mmhm… But I can't help but feel like they're already busy even without us, and now that we're here…

MC: Plus Uncle Chen looked like he was in a huge hurry when I took upon the task of sending the drink for him. It was like he was here for a moment, and gone like the wind in the next.

A flicker of doubt appears on Evan's face upon hearing this.

Evan: Is he truly that busy?

MC: Yeah, he is… He had to rush here to deliver your drink, and he also had to rush over to give the fireplace a change of coal.

MC: Plus, this is also one huge place. Even with the two of them here, they must be pretty busy keeping this place all neat and tidy.

Evan: They do have their work cut out for them, but…

Evan: I seem to recall that we do have scheduled professionals who come by to take care of the fireplace here, so there's no need for either of them to do it themselves.

MC: ...Huh? But he said…

A strange thought suddenly struck me, the realization making the words die in my throat.

Did Uncle Chen make me… bring Evan's drink to him on purpose?

I stared at Evan, absolutely dumbfounded.

He didn't say anything either, only chuckling lightly after a few seconds.

Evan: I suppose, sometimes, having a fireplace at home isn't all that bad.

He'd said it all so naturally, yet I couldn't help but feel like there was something a little off about it. Especially when it came to the word "fireplace". It unwittingly made me recall how oddly Uncle Chen and Aunt were acting… and their ambiguous smiles.

I silently adverted my gaze, biting on my lips as I spoke in barely a whisper.

MC: I'm definitely not getting a fireplace installed in my house next time…

Evan: Hm?

MC: Oh, nothing… nothing! I was just talking to myself!

Evan: That so?

Evan drew both of his arms up to his jaw, propping his chin on it as his heavy gaze fell upon my being.

Under the light of the setting sun, his expression was one of calm contentment and warmth.

He smiled, his voice a low baritone.

Evan: Your wish is my command. No fireplaces in the future.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

✥ Choose another Ending:

END 1 | Choice: Do Nothing [都不做]

END 2 + 3 | Choice: Approach [亲近] ⊹Touch⊹

END 4 | Choice: Listen [倾听] ❖ASMR

END 5 + 6 | Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ✩Light & Night★

❖☆————— ⊹ For Night, For Revolution⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: Prologue

#光与夜之恋 #Light and Night #Otome #Translations #Tencent #陆沉 #Evan #For Night For Revolution #暮光之境 #Twilight Facet

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romeulusroy · 3 years

Text

Instinct (Bucky Barnes Oneshot)

((TFATWS SPOILERS))

Character/s: Bucky

Word Count: 1,110

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @myriadimagines @lilyswritings @encounterthepast @writerdream22 @brithedemonspawn @megnotfound @ladyeliot @locke-writes @thedarkqueenofavalon @fangirlsarah16 @randomfandomimagine @amirahiddleston @diana-westmoon @valkyrie-2312

A/N: I haven't written in over a month and I'm scared it shows 💔 I'm really unsure with writing lately, I thought about not posting this, but I feel like I owe it big time. This was supposed to be something different, but I can't say I hate the direction it took. There aren't any major spoilers, it just follows the general plot, but I figured better to be safe than sorry. I hope you like it, and that I'm not too "out of the game" or bad at this lol. Feedback is always appreciated.Thank you for being so patient with my break my loves, it means the world 💜💖💜

Summary: He wants to move on, you don't 💕

Gif Credit: @captain-james / link :)

FIC MASTERLISTS 1 -> 3 / WANNA BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?

There is a static between you. One that is ruthless, hostile, sharp. It makes your gums bleed to describe it, tasting nothing but iron, bitterness, a resentment that is otherwise untouchable by any other creature. A hatred towards the mirror, towards your own skin and bone, your entire fucking existence. Catching his eyes, even for a second, is staring into the sun. Blinding. Aggressive. Burning, until every inch of you is set aflame, itching to turn and run, to tear apart, to scream. Scream until there is nothing of you left. A reminder of what was, what is, and what will never be. What neither of you can go back to, as fitting as the mold may seem, as secure as that title may be, as comforting as that role used to be, he refuses, and you follow along. Bury the body, he thinks that will make him someone new, someone worth everyone else's time. Do not flinch when they say your name, when they whisper every awful thing you did, when they tease you, leaving the door open, enough so for the light to peak through. An escape plan, you think. You hope. A way back to the life before, where your mind was someone else's, when the world was cruel and you were allowed to be cruel back. He does not see it that way, slamming that door shut, locking it from the outside, and swallowing the key.

One word, an invitation, that's all you need. The risk is great, but the urge is greater. Split yourself open. Self destruct. Skip the steps, skip what they insist is healing when all they do is rip open old wounds. Skip the apologies, the sob story, the introduction. The look in their eyes never flinches, no matter how many times you beg. Why bother? Return to what they wanted, needed, feel a certain belonging you could never get back walking into the civilian world.

Your footprints made of blood, a sticky red trail left wherever you go. That's what they see, and they don't bother hiding it. The disgust. The references you don't understand, too old to laugh, to sigh, to roll your eyes. The world moved on without you, spinning faster than you remember, and you are left to catch up. They have their lists, their paper and pencil, all the recommendations one could offer. It would be endearing, maybe, but you have nothing to offer. None of the energy to play catch up. None of the want. Time slips through your fingers, wasted, growing spoiled, mocking you. You have better things to do than watch a movie, more important things, things that filled you with purpose, no matter how sick.

You would have been disgusted. Horrified. Speechless. You would have hated yourself more than you already do. But you are older now, far more experienced, hardened by a life you never could have expected. Learned to want it, though. An animal secured by captivity does not know how to survive in the wild. You were never equipped to live like this: free. The knives, the guns, the special ways in which you read even the smallest of actions, turning people into pages, an open book for you to skim, before placing back on the shelf.

You adapted, grew to fit what they wanted, who they wanted, until you too loved what you were. Dangerous, powerful, unfeeling. The numb became a high to chase, unsatisfied by anything else. Where he mirrored a version of yourself you left in the past, you embraced this role. The damage was done. The bodies put to rest. None of which you could take back, nor make up for. He sought redemption. You wouldn't dare. It wasn't by your choice, that much you could admit, but you could feel it, from the fits bullet to the last, you were never meant to be anything else. As gruesome as you had been, uncaring, quick, but painful, you would be nothing else. Assassin. Killer. Murderer.

They say it like it's a bad thing.

The guilt eats you alive, chews you up and spits you out, shattering your very being as you wake, each night, from another nightmare. The aggression, the shame, all of it you share as fairly as you can, and yet, you wear it so differently, making you more distinct than you could ever explain. The only other person in the world who has seen you at your lowest, your highest, faced what you have, seen what you've seen, and you can't stand to look at him. Not for the wounds he sewed up, his eyes falling on your broken body, nor is the sobs, the pleas, the prayers he heard escape you in moments of desperation. Not because he knows the way you scream, your body used for their own gain, enveloped in a pain only the Devil can inflict, or because he has seen you shoot without a second of hesitation, moving forward before their body hits the ground. None of it, not even the things you care not to mention, to think about, nit even now. It's that he has become resistant, soft even.

He fights a fight he knows he cannot win. He draws the line between good and bad, hero and villain, as if there even is one, as if they are not the same in moments of desperation, of selfishness, or of great selflessness. That he thinks he can stop being what they made him, resisting the instincts they worked so hard to ingrain. You feel it, too. Turning off everything around you, picking apart the situation before it plays out. Footsteps, whispers, how many there are, where, how quickly they can get to you. A dance you know each step to, the two of you in sync. This time, no leader, no follower, but two soldiers taking orders. Without them, he thinks himself above who he used to be, who you used to be, what you were, but you know better.

You want nothing more than to slip back into old habits. That look, that stare, the wince he hides when they bring up his crimes, he wants the same. Step back, fall into old ways, let go until there is no one left to scorn you for what they put into your head.

Where they see Bucky, a man escaped, in remorse, righting his wrongs, you see The Winter Soldier, a friend, a weapon, an old accomplice. One of them, you respect, trusting with your life. The other, nothing more than a facade, a mask, a weakness, an act even he has tricked himself into believing.

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pipipinyyy · 3 years

Text

Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

#Spotify #imawa no kuni no alice #alice in borderland #alice in borderland netflix #niragi #niragi suguru #suguru niragi #character playlist #aib niragi #aib #overanalyzing niragi is my favorite hobby

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