#I’m just tired of being lonely and then being depressed because I’m lonely | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zwhoreo · 6 months

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Why be sad when you can be horny instead? Luffy cheering you up by eating you out #TeamSmut

I’M POSTING AGAIN!! now with my THIRD story about luffy eating you out on the deck of the ship

cheering you up - luffy x f!reader

smut

summary: while you’re lethargic and sad from being on sea for so long, luffy offers oral sex to cheer you up one night

contains: oral (f receiving)

words: 1.9k

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You’re sad, not by any particular event but just by the way monotony permeates. The sea is large. It takes a long time to sail between islands, exciting adventures that take a few days are framed by weeks and weeks at sea with nothing other than your friends, your boyfriend, yourself. That last part doesn’t sound so bad, right? Your friends, your boyfriend.

Luffy rests his chin on your shoulder and begs for attention. He’s sprawled all limp and tangled and he’s been whining for the last hour about how bored he is, how much he wants to go exploring and do something fun and even this fancy ship gets boring after awhile, he doesn’t want to look at the fish or play on the deck anymore. You love him but he’s just been so bratty recently, uninterested in anything. You aren’t sure how to entertain him and he just always, always wants to be with you and it’s getting exhausting, you’re so, so tired. So you rest in bed and pet his hair as he complains about wanting to go on adventure and be somewhere else.

Everyone else is irritable and tired, especially because of how hot it’s been recently and nobody likes to rot in the sun in the middle of the ocean. You know what happens with your best friends, where you see them so much that there isn’t much new to talk about? So you’re mostly quiet when you’re sketching with Nami, or reading with Robin, or fishing with Usopp. Or napping with Luffy.

It’s late in the evening but you’re taking a nap anyways, you’re feeling sort of depressed and lethargic and it’s all catching up to you at around 6 PM. You ask for Luffy to come cuddle you even though this is his time to beg Sanji for more food after dinner, the only time of the day he’s really been at his full energy. But he won’t turn you down so he squeezes your hand and pulls you into bed with him.

You lay down. You get under the blankets and take Luffy and tuck him against your chest like a stuffed animal. You can move him around however you want, he won’t mind. He huffs contentedly and quickly goes to sleep with his head between your breasts, clutching you around the waist, snoring loudly.

And even though your eyes hurt and your body’s sore and all you want is to let the rest of the evening slip by in dreams you can’t somehow. You just stay awake with this sweaty boy in your arms, squeezed too tight, and he isn’t a quiet sleeper even when you try to still him so he just squirms and murmurs against you and there’s nothing you can do.

You turn your attention to caring for him, just trying for some sort of comfort. You kiss his greasy hair and whisper little compliments, you massage his back, he loves your touch so much, smiling against you in his dreams. This makes you happy but you still feel sick in your heart, uncomfortable and tired and lonely. The room suddenly feels too hot, oppressive, you need to leave and go get some fresh air.

So, because you don’t want to wake him, you eventually ease a pillow into Luffy’s arms in the absence of your embrace. You slip out of bed, you need fresh air.

There’s a spot you’ve found, a support platform halfway up the tallest mast. You go here when you want to be alone. You’re rocked and the world tilts as the waves crash beneath you, climbing higher, higher. Your feet are bare against the rope ladder, thick knots digging into the soles of your feet. But now on this platform you can breathe. You can see every single star and galaxy from here, black purple blue, a glimmering ballroom of constellations that mirror the wine-dark sea. You are the world’s meridian.

Your body turns off, mind drifting away because you’ve always loved outer space. If you were floating a million light years away then everything would just disappear which sounds nice right now. You close your eyes. You are the universe.

But your body is shaken by the sudden rocking of the mast, you have to scurry to keep from falling as the wood creaks. The loud snap of elastic, a body slams next to you with a clumsy bounce and there he sits, legs spread, looking at you with huge, curious eyes.

“Hey Luffy,” you move close to him. You don’t want to be in the stars if you can’t take him with you.

“Whatcha doin’?” He's quiet, wistful. He looks a little hurt to have been left alone, he doesn’t understand.

“Just needed some air. It’s ok, you can stay,” you say even though he would’ve stayed anyway.

He takes your hand, tracing your fingers, off in his own little world. You feel sad and lonely again. This is your boyfriend, why can’t you talk to him? Tell him how you feel. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t understand, really, he’ll just be there for you. But don’t make him worry, don’t make him upset. But no, tell him, you have to talk to him or you’ll cry right now. Right now.

“I’ve been sad,” you whisper to the ocean below.

“Hm?” Luffy’s arms wrap around you slowly. He presses his cheek to yours, searching your face, so confused. “How come?”

“I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. Sometimes I just get kinda depressed being on this ship for so long between islands, you know? Especially when everyone else is bored and tired, and when the weather’s bad. And we’re low on food, I’m sick of fish. I’m just getting frustrated all the time and I hate it.” Once you start to let it out you can’t stop. You wipe your face with your hands, sniffing.

He listens, not speaking, not moving except for those hands rubbing yours. And when you’re done he puts his chin on your shoulder. “Yeah, me too. I get what ya mean.” But soon his face is against yours again, so tender now. “Can I help make you feel better, though?”

You smile. You’re so glad you told him, he’s so sweet and good to you. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Hey, this’ll make ya happier! Nami told me we’re close to an island, the tide’s changing or somethin’!”

“Really? How long?” He’s right, you do feel happier.

“Mm, I dunno that part.” His chin’s back on your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I shoulda asked.”

“That’s ok.” You sigh, but you’re still smiling. “It’s enough to know we’re close.”

“Yeah, but you’re still not feelin’ well. An island in the future is no good if you’re feeling bad tonight, huh?”

“My body hurts… I’ve been sitting and resting too much, I think.” It’s true, your legs are sore and heavy. Bones have turned to stone in their hibernation.

“Yeah? Let’s take care of that.” His hands go to you, rubbing your thighs beneath the silk of your night dress, your waist, your shoulders. “Mm, hey, you wanna play? Would that make you happier and make yer body not hurt so much?” He’s murmuring into your ear, smiling with his teeth.

“What kinda play?”

“Sex? You wanna have sex? It’s been awhile.” Luffy licks his lips, mind racing. “I could… eat ya? Y’know, that thing we do sometimes? Where I-”

“Please,” you say so quickly. Maybe this is therapy you crave. Release all this time before you start anew, release it for him to devour.

He laughs loudly, sitting back against the mast. “Heh, ok, lie down and lemme hold you. I got you, love.” His eyes twinkle.

You face him, you get on your back on the wood, head turned away toward the endless stretch of night and sea. And Luffy wraps his arms around your thighs, propping your legs up, spread for him, you feel him nuzzle your thigh and huff against you as he returns to this scent he loves.

You both breathe as one in a long, deep rhythm as his nose presses against you there, right there. Soft moist warmth for Luffy, damp lacy fabric perfect to chew and taste. Teeth gnaw on you through your panties, dull but hungry. You pulse there with every swallow against nothing, nerves lighting you up down to your toes.

“You’re teasing me…” you whine, reminding him of where he is.

“Heh, sorry.” But he’s lost in you, he’s not in any hurry. Until, of course, his tongue catches the arousal that drips out of you and that’s where he needs to go, he decides.

So he casually rips away your panties and smiles at what’s his. You’re at the center of his world and this is how he’ll feast on the meridian.

He quickly bites your clit, not hard but enough to make your whole body twitch. He’s so good at doing what you’ve taught him. And god he does look stunning from here, he pushes his hat back and shiny, jet-black hair tickles your inner thighs. You run your hand through it and tug, curling your body up to stroke his cheek and now you’ve got his attention, you just wanted to see those big, chocolate eyes.

It’s with care that he dips his tongue lower, slowly lapping at you as you get wetter for him, he’s getting loud now as he usually does and the vibrations from his moaning makes you tremble in his arms. And when you tremble, he squeezes you tighter. Warm arms, so different from the sky.

Closer, closer, it’s almost painful it’s so deep and perfect. Your hips move on instinct, riding his tongue, pulling you into this vortex, deep and deeper it comes in waves. The ship rocks and you sway together.

He buzzes against you with a shiver and a sound of joy when your orgasm hits deep. You moan and reach for him immediately and he looks up at you, mouth soaked, he asks, “ya done? Feel better?” smile unbroken.

“Mhm, a lot better.” And he’s in your arms now. You cuddle on that little wooden platform beneath the moon. The heartache and soreness and exhaustion is all new and perfect now. So much better.

“Hey thanks for cheering me up. You felt so good, Lu.” Your voice is a quiet whisper on the wind as you stroke his hair, his muscles twitch around you with the remnants of that powerful joy.

“Heh, tasted good. Glad you’re ok. This mean you’ll come back and sleep with me now?” He’s tilting his head like a little puppy, your scent warm on his breath.

“Yeah. But I wanna watch the stars for a little longer.” You lay against him. You’re sitting, now, interlocked and inseparable. You drip down there from him, so warm against the wood, nerves still on fire. And those stars up there are all suns, you know. They’re all on fire too. You’re amazed at how alight the night is. And this wind from the east, I guess this is what it means to be close to land. Those clouds, maybe that’s what they mean too, shot with colors from no direction, full and aimless.

Luffy is content with you. He’s ok with you watching the sky. All he says is, “that’s alright. Long as I can stay here and hold ya.”

#luffy x reader #one piece #luffy #one piece x reader #one piece fanfiction #luffy x y/n #luffy x you #one piece smut #luffy x reader smut #luffy smut #luffy x f!reader

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sincerestlove · 2 months

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Sunshine - R.R.

'tis a sad, angsty and emotional night for me, girlies. thus, i have produced this sad piece of work. do y'all ever get cripplingly depressed because you love reneé so much and you realize that she doesn't know that you exist? yeah, me too. that's where i'm at tonight. have i been sulking and on the brink of tears for the last 4 hours...perhaps. womp womp.

Pairing: Reneé Rapp x Reader

Warnings: talks of depression, negative thoughts, self-doubt. reneé being caring, sweet and supportive of mental health struggles. please read at your own discretion.

The room was dark.

It had been dark for hours. You weren’t sure how many, but knew it was more than enough. The sunshine was long gone, you were almost certain. You had shut the blinds some hours before crawling into the bed, unmoving since then.

You were hungry, but didn’t have it in you to get up and eat. You were tired, but your mind was too hyperactive to sleep.

You were mentally exhausted.

The weight of an internal battle kept you glued to the mattress, a dull ache settling between your temples. Your stomach felt heavy, though it had been empty for much too long.

Some days, like today, everything felt like too much. You felt alone, you felt lonely, and just wanted everything to go away and leave you to rot.

Right now, it seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

You had just decided to close your eyes when you heard a soft knock on your bedroom door, the wood creaking as it opened slowly. “Y/N?”

You laid still, wondering if she wouldn’t notice you under the mountain of pillows and blankets and just leave.

She didn’t.

“Are you okay?” The soft voice of the woman you were in love with filled your ears, feeling your chest tighten the slightest bit at the concern in it. You still didn’t respond though, couldn't, and after a moment, the bed dipped beside you. A warm hand sat on your back atop the comforter. “Y/N, can you sit up for me, please?”

You debated the request silently, wondering if you even had the energy.

After another long pause of silence, she spoke again. “Please, baby, for me?”

Another pause.

Then, you slowly sat up, thankful for the darkness engulfing the room, so that she couldn’t clearly see what you looked like. You knew you looked like an absolute train wreck. Taking care of yourself was too difficult right now, on your own. You blinked a few times, attempting to get your bearings.

You felt warm hands come up to cup your cheeks, her thumb pads wiping back and forth. Just then, you noticed your face was wet, and she was wiping tears away.

When did you start crying?

“Hey, love. I’m here, it’s Reneé.” She spoke softly, as if talking too loudly would scare you away. “What happened?”

You blinked a few times more, meeting the gaze of her soft, pretty blue eyes. They looked at you with such love and understanding, it made your tears flow harder. A sliver of moonlight poured through the blinds, casting a gentle glow on her face. She looked so pretty, was all you could think, bangs brushing against her long eyelashes.

Your bottom lip quivered, the familiar feeling of sharpness piercing your throat. “I don’t know. I just think you deserve better than this. Than me.”

You paused, swallowing the lump in your throat, breaking eye contact. “You can be with whoever you want, Reneé. Should be, with whoever you want. You are literally famous. I’m nothing, a nobody.” You felt hollow pang in your chest, eyes glazing over as each insult passed your lips. You truly believed the words you were saying about yourself and she could see that.

The blonde took you into her arms, burrowing her face into your neck. You felt her tears falling on your skin, her hands balling into the back of your shirt. “No, baby, don’t ever say that about yourself.” She pulled back, taking your face into her hands again. The coldness of her rings focused your attention, meeting her gaze again.

Her eyes steeled, boring into yours with pure intention. “None of that is true, Y/N. None of it. You are so beautiful, kind, smart, ambitious and perfect for me. I want you. I need you.”

She spoke sincerely, and you felt an ache watching tears rush down her face. “I never want to hear you say those things about yourself again. Baby, I love you so much. I would give you every single star in the sky, if I could. Hell, you want the moon, too? I'll bring it to you on a silver platter. You mean everything to me, absolutely everything. I couldn’t do life without you, don’t you get that?” She sighed, brushing her slender fingers along your face, tracing your jawline, eyebrows, nose, ears, lips. “You are my heart and soul. Fuck, I wouldn’t be here without you.”

She paused for a moment, coming closer to rest her forehead against yours. You instinctively moved out of your blankets to rest your hands on her sides, feeling her skin on yours. She was warm and pliant. Real. “I know things get hard, baby. Trust me, I do. But you have to talk to me. That’s what I’m here for.” Her nose bumped yours, sweet breath fanning against your lips as she spoke. “You can’t get rid of me, I’m here for the long haul.” That comment got a soft laugh out of you, one that Reneé took as a small victory.

She took your hands into hers, running smooth shapes into your palms. Leaning back to look into your eyes again, she took a deep breath. “You have to talk to me, Y/N. You can’t just run and hide. I’ve been texting you for hours, I was worried sick, so I came home.” You felt a bubble of guilt in your stomach, knowing you should’ve checked your phone at least once. “I am always a phone call or text away, you know that. I will drop anything and everything for you. That’s how much you mean to me.” You nodded slowly, feeling more like yourself again as she spoke to you.

"I’m sorry, Ne.” The blonde sighed again, shaking her head. She pressed a soft, gentle kiss on your forehead, wrapping you up into her embrace. She smelled good, sweet, like vanilla. You deeply inhaled, settling into her lap and nuzzling into the warm skin of her neck.

“Don’t be sorry, Y/N. Just promise me that you’ll talk to me next time, okay? I’m here for you. And if you want to talk to a therapist or need anything more to help you, talk to me, and we will get you whatever you need. I promise. Do you promise?”

You nodded, feeling the dark thoughts and emotions pour out of your body and mind with the tears that were finally coming to a stop. You exhaled deeply, moving yourself impossibly closer to her. “Yes, Ne. I promise. I will talk to you.”

Her body physically relaxed at your assurance - you didn’t realize how tensed up she was. “Good. Thank you, Y/N.” She let you both sit in silence for a while, her whispering affirmations and reassurance into your ear, while you clung to her and calmed down. “What do you need now, sweetheart?”

“Shower. Food. Kisses.” You mumbled, your stomach growling on queue. Reneé laughed, pressing one last lingering kiss to your chapped lips. She didn’t care, she would kiss you every second of every day, chapped lips and all.

“Shower, food and kisses it is.”

You looked up and into her eyes, which were filled with love.

Yeah. No matter how dark your mind could get, she was it. She was the sunshine that would always light your way and bring you back to her.

i hope you enjoyed!

as always, please leave a request :)

i hope you all are doing well and taking care of yourselves. each and every one of you is so loved and cared for. if you ever need to talk about anything, my dm's are always open.

#reneé rapp #renee rapp x reader #renee rapp #reneé rapp x reader

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sesanewrites · 7 months

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There are people who will never understand the exhaustion of waking up already in copious amounts of pain. And honestly that’s great, I wouldn’t want them to. All I ask is that they try to show a modicum of understanding and support because I cannot begin to explain how disheartening this is. How tired I am. How lonely it’s been to be stuck at home for weeks with no answers and no sure end in sight. Even the doctor who meant well could not find the answers I hoped for and I’m left with a hefty bill and a “we can’t know for sure but it seems like it’s this” diagnosis of fibromyalgia, a condition that cannot be cured and is completely unpredictable.

I’m young. I’m a writer that can’t use my hands. I’m an actor that can’t use my body. On top of being in pain I’m filled with fear that I won’t be able to do the two things my life has always revolved around. I watch my peers find success in our field while I just hope I can find a way back into the game.

I try not to complain. Try not to be depressed. But it’s difficult. It hurts just to type this post out. I’m tired, I’m scared, I’m confused, and I’m in so, so much pain.

#chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #fibromyalgia #mobility issues

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luvv4j4ybe11 · 6 months

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With time

✧𝐓𝐰𝐢n 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐥𝐨’𝐚𝐤

✧Tw!!: mentions of death,sibling loss, lo’ak dies instead of neteyam, lots of crying, first time celebrating birthday without your twin brother, mentions of su!c!de, underaged dr!nking, mentions of alcohol,mostly angst with some fluff towards the end (if you squint),feelings of grief and depression and I think that’s all, enjoy this lil Drabble<33

✧Dividers by @benkeibear

✧ translation(s): Skxawng-moron,idiot , kuru-queue, hammerbrow fish- the goldfish that kiri was playing with in that one scene (idk how else to describe it😭)

(Listen to this to make it extra sad🥰)

You woke up feeling the weight on your chest being even heavier than usual. Your face still wet with tears from last nights realization. That realization being that today was your birthday but not just yours, it was his too. Ever since the night he died, you haven’t left your side of the marui since.

Even though it’s been four months since your twin brother died, that day just keeps replaying in your head, the sound of your mother screaming, the look of absolute devastation on your older brothers face, the blood on your hands, the sound of tsireya crying, lo’aks cold expression, the way your father looked at you with complete disappointment and spat out a cold, “you’ve done enough”

Every time you thought about it you felt sick.

And naturally, being Navi twins you guys were connected more than normal siblings were, you felt each other’s heartbeats, felt when the other was happy or sad, uncomfortable or frustrated. So when you felt cold and utterly alone, you knew he was gone.

But yet there’s still times you hear his heartbeat, you feel how lonely he is and how much sorrow he’s filed with. And it makes you weak with sadness every time.

Being pulled out of your thoughts by a small pair of hands on your bicep shaking you back and forth, you turn around to see your baby sister staring back at you with a smile on her face, her eyes still washed with sadness. Yes, she was young, but she certainly wasn’t stupid. She knew how to read the room better than kids your age did.

“Sis, come on, get up! It’s your birthday!” She says while climbing onto you to give you a hug, which was something she did every year, but this one was more gentle and genuine than the others. You break the hug to place a hand on her head, lightly ruffling her braids,“Maybe later tuktuk, I’m still a little tired.” You say,weakly trying to hide the pain in your features with a fake smile.

She frowns at this, making you let out a soft chuckle as you go to push her off of you. Making her cling onto you more. “That’s what you always say!, please sis, can you get up? For me? For lo’ak?” She says while looking at you with puppy dog eyes. The slight mention of his name brings tears to your eyes, not ready to start this day without him.

“Sister, leave her be, alright? How about you go see what kiri is up to?” Neteyam says as he lifts the curtain to get into your side of the hut, holding it open for tuk to run out eagerly to find her sister.

Closing it, he glances at you before siting on your sleeping mat, “Sister, I’m-” “Teyam don’t. I can’t go through today with this fake sympathetic bullshit!, you guys were constantly on both of our asses for everything! You guys never cared about how we felt! How he felt! You know how many times he came to me telling me how dad made him feel like shit? Or how kiri was pushing him about certain things? Or how he caught dad talking to you about how he’s, “too reckless” and he “wouldn’t be surprised if he got himself killed”?”

His ears pin back to his skull immediately, knowing the exact conversation you were referring to. “Sister, you think that didn’t bother me too? I told him that lo’ak only acted like that because he wanted to be like him. But of course he didn’t listen. And do you think I wasn’t aware of how you guys felt? Why do you think I’d always have both of your guys backs whenever you got into trouble? Why do you think I came up with lies left and right to mom and dad so you two wouldn’t get your asses beat? I wanted to avoid making you guys feel like that, but I only have so much control y/n..” he says as he squeezes his his fists in anger, his feelings from that night bubbling to the surface again.

You move from your comfortable position to sit next to him, bringing him into a much needed hug. “Brother, I know you did. I know you try every single day. And I look up to you because of that. You’re stronger than I am. You keep pushing forward even though there’s so much shit happening to you, I don’t understand how you do it.” You say as you feel tears flowing from your face, the hug reminding you of how lo’ak used to hug you whenever you were in a mood.

“I do it because of you guys. Because of him. You guys are the reason I keep pushing. And especially the both of your skxawng asses” he says with a soft chuckle before breaking the hug, placing his hand on your head softly, something he did with you and lo’ak that became a comfort thing for the both of you. “You can do this today sister, I believe in you, we all do.” His tone making tears automatically spill over your eyes, and causing you to notice his tear filled eyes.

Looking for some sort of grounding you place your hand over his and squeeze, taking multiple deep breaths before speaking. “Teyam.. I can’t, I miss him so much. Everytime I wake up I feel so alone and cold, but I can still hear his breath, and his heartbeat. My pain is not only mine, but his too.” You say in between sobs, watching neteyams breathing get more shallow as he tries to hold in his tears. His features covered in concern.

“Oh baby sis..” bringing you into another much needed hug. He places a light kiss on your forehead before rubbing your back and gently swaying you from side to side,trying to calm down your cries.

Kiri walks in quietly, the feeling of your pain drawing her to your room. Her whole body goes slack and cold when she sees your state, making her glance at Neteyam. That feeling intensifying even more once she saw the pain in his eyes. She takes her place behind you, quickly inserting herself into the hug. Wrapping her right arm around your waist and the other overlapping with neteyams so she can hold him too,her chin resting on your shoulder.

“You feel him don’t you? His heartbeat? His sorrow? His breath? Like he’s just a word about to be spoken?” Without lifting your head you nod quickly, too mentally exhausted speak anymore. “I know how you feel sister. Take that feeling as a way of him telling you to keep going. Keep breathing for him, keep your heart beating for him. That sorrow will be gone once he sees that you’re living for him.”

Her words make you sob even more. Knowing she’s right, he’s always hated seeing you cry, and he did anything to fix it. Purposely making himself look like a dumbass, making you go on an ikran ride with him, asking you to go exploring with him, taking you to you guys secret spot, pinky promises. He did anything for you. And so did you.

A wave of calm suddenly hits you, making your sobs come to a complete stop, and your breathing becomes more level. Feeling the change, your siblings give each other a confused glance before looking down at you. “Sister?..” they both say in sync as you break the hug and get up, your features going completely cold. “I’m going to visit him..if that’s ok with you guys” you say while lifting up a blanket, revealing a stash of alcohol you’ve been keeping ever since his funeral.

Quickly you take a bottle and cover it back up, grabbing your hunting knife and putting on both you and lo’aks matching bracelets you made on your 10th birthday. Walking towards the curtain to leave, you’re pulled back by a gentle pull on your shoulder.

“Y/n..don’t don’t drink today. It’s not gonna stop you from hurting, and you know that.” Kiri says while gliding her hand down to your hand that was holding the alcohol firmly. “Yeah, I know that kiri, but it dulls it somewhat. And it stops me from wanting to throw myself off of a cliff so I think it’s worth it. Plus it’s my birthday! I’m allowed to drink as much as I want today!!” You say in a fake enthusiastic tone, your sarcasm reminding them so much of lo’ak.

“Y/n.” Neteyam says in a soft but stern tone, the one that told you that whatever he was about to say was gonna be serious. “Don’t drink. I know you’ve been hurting more than we have but we need you here. Lo’ak needs you here. You know how much he hates seeing you hurt.” He says as his voice starts to crack slightly, remembering all the things the three of them would come up with whenever you were anything but happy and content.

Feeling the tears well in your eyes again, you squeeze the bottle tighter, fighting the instinct to drown your feelings in the burning liquid.

Glancing over at them, your heart breaks seeing the genuine hurt on their faces because of the realization you’ve been drinking this whole time and they didn’t know. Sighing angrily,you shove the bottle into neteyams chest. “Fine, but when I get back just save me a bottle, because I know it’ll be gone by the time I come back.” You say while turning out of your room swiftly, leaving kiri and neteyam there speechless.

Once you get to the spirt tree, you thank payakan and tell him that you’ll see him soon. Ever since lo’aks passing you’ve only really left your marui to go see payakan, knowing he carries the same weight as you do.

While swimming towards the tree, you mentally prepare yourself for this painful experience. You’ve been avoiding coming to the tree in the first place, because you knew how much it take out of you. And he knew the same.

Connecting your kuru to the tree, you’re brought to you and lo’aks secret spot back at your actual home. The only place that brought you two comfort. Tentatively, you walk through the clearing, lo’ak still not in sight.

“Lo?, where are you?” You call out, the sound of your own voice making you realize you weren’t 15, but you were younger. Walking towards a curtain of flora that led to a small river, you catch a glimpse of your brother, making you walk quicker.

Once you get there you see lo’ak sitting at the edge of river with his feet languidly swaying in the water, just staring into the water. Almost like he was waiting for something, or someone. You don’t say anything at first, just taking in the sight of him after not seeing him for months.

“Brother..” you say softly, not wanting to disturb his peace. His head whips in the direction of your voice, his expression lighting up as he gets up and walks towards you. “Sister!!, I thought you’d never show!” He says as he takes you into a hug, the sound of his voice making you giggle since he was also his younger self.

“Of course I did, it just took me a little time. You know I’d always come to see your skxawng ass” you say as you break the hug to shove his face with your pointer and middle finger. He giggles at that, his smile making the weight on your chest get lighter.

Grabbing your hand, he guides you to where he was sitting. Taking your seat beside him, you gaze out into the water with him.Nervously playing with your extra finger, you take a breath before talking about what you were avoiding for so long.

“Brother I’m-” you exhale slowly before continuing, noticing out of the corner of your eye how all lo’aks attention was turned to you. “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be here. It should’ve been me that got shot that night. I was the one that put the idea into your head to go save spider. I should’ve just told you and teyam to go so I could’ve got spider by myself-” “Sister,” he cuts you off, your rambling making the pain in his heart worse. “It’s not your fault. You need to stop hurting yourself like this. It’s not fair to you. You need to focus on now. Not ‘what if’. And plus, It’s not like I would’ve listened to you if you told me to go anyway, there’s no way in hell I’d let that happen.”

Both of you giggle at the last part, knowing that he’s not lying. Once your laughs die down, you look down at your hands, that feeling of guilt still lingering in your chest. Glancing over at you, he notices how you’re playing with your pinkies, a telltale sign that told him something was bothering you.“Sister, what else is it?” He says as he leans back onto his hands, noticing how your shoulders slightly go stiff from his question.

Turning your body to face him, you don’t fail to notice the genuine look of concern in his eyes. “You know what day it is today?” You ask, making his expression completely drop. “Yeah, I know.” The words feeling like a weight on his tongue. “I don’t know how I’m gonna do today without you lo’. I can’t. It hurts too much.” You say as the tears finally spill over your face, the grief crawling back up your throat once again. “No, y/n, you can and you will. For me. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean you can’t live out there. Live for me, y/n. Stop letting yourself be consumed by grief and guilt. I hate seeing you like this and you know that.” He says sternly, making sure you know he’s being serious.

All you do is nod your head, not trusting your voice with the lump in your throat and the never ending tears that keep falling from your eyes. The sight of your hurting form makes lo’aks heart twist in pain. And the fact he couldn’t really do much hurt even more. “Come here, sis,” Placing his hand on your shoulder he pulls you towards him. Giving you a much needed hug, immediately making you sob into the crook of his neck.

“I miss you, twin” he says while resting his chin on your shoulder, letting the tears fall freely from his eyes. You let out a broken, “i miss you more” as the void in your chest grows the longer you two hug.

Once you finally calm down,you break the hug, now seeing each other how you guys remember. “Well shit..” you both say in sync, making you both laugh. “You look so grown. I don’t like it.” Lo’ak says as he admires you a little longer, a feeling of peace swirling in his chest. “Yeah,me neither” you say in a soft tone, once again feeling guilty for moving on without him with you.

Placing left hand on your head, and his right on your shoulder he looks at you with a soft smile on his face, “Y/n,you’ll be ok. I’ll always be watching you, and I’ll always protect you.” The tone of his voice making you inhale sharply so the next wave of tears doesn’t come. He raises his pinky finger towards you, waiting for you to do the same. You let out a soft chuckle at his childish behavior before obliging.

Once both of you pinkies are holding onto one another, he grips your shoulder tighter. “Promise me, that you won’t give up on yourself, that you won’t push everyone away, that you won’t drink your feelings away. Promise me that you can get over this feeling. That you will live through this feeling.”

You squeeze his pinky even tightly as you feel the tears well up in your eyes, realizing that time will make no difference to how much you miss him. But it will for how much you will grow through this feeling.

Tugging his pinky towards yours, you nod your head ‘yes’ before saying, “I promise. I promise I’ll do my best for you. I promise that I’ll try for you.” The words making a smile appear on his face. He brings you into a loving hug, the warmth of comfort washing over both of you guys.

“Happy birthday,twin” you guys say in sync again, a soft giggle coming from both of you. Breaking the hug, he grabs your hands and squeezes them tightly “ow! That hurts!” “I don’t care! I want you to have fun for me today alright? Celebrate us! Spend time with everyone that loves you and gives a shit about you. You deserve it!” he says through his laughs, making you smile softly at his childish demeanor.

“Alright I will!! I’ll come visit you again tonight and I’ll tell you all about today!” You say in a giddy tone, noticing that this has been the first time you’ve been somewhat happy since these last 4 months.

“You better” he says while rolling his eyes dramatically, knowing he did it to make you laugh. Once your laughter dies down, you both look back at the water. Not wanting this moment to end already. “I love you,bro” you say while bumping your shoulder against his, making him laugh and do the same to you. “I love you more,sis” he says with a soft smile on his face, one that replaced the one on yours.

You two stay like this for a while, just basking in each others presence and invading each others space. Thoughts of leaving suddenly crowd your head and the second those thoughts occur, your brother says something about it.“Y/n go spend the day with them. You know how they get on our birthday, plus they’ll make you feel better.” He says in a delicate tone, a soft smile on his face from remembering how much they loved celebrating your birthdays. You sigh softly, before reluctantly standing up.

He gets up with you, bringing you into an affectionate hug. Without breaking it, he whispers “I’ll miss you,sister.” With complete sadness laced in his tone. A tear falls from your face from the sound of his voice,“I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know, brother.” You two stay like this for a while, until it starts getting harder to breathe, a harsh reminder of the truth.

Breaking the hug, you give him a look that lets him know that, making him hesitantly let go of you. “I’ll see you later tonight brother, I promise. I love you!” You say while turning around to leave, hearing him let out a little ‘I love you, too’ before you leave.

Once you reach the surface you catch your breath, calling out to your ilu and mentally going over your interaction with your brother to avoid acknowledging that void in your chest.

It’s a peaceful ride back home, until you start getting in your head about ‘having fun’ today without lo’ak. Because it wasn’t just your birthday, but his too. And celebrating without him just doesn’t feel right, even tuk knows that.

But right when you start having those doubts, a group of hammerbrow fish swarm around you and your ilu, stopping you in your tracks. One of them swims up to your face and flicks your forehead, making you furrow your brows and shove it away. They swim around you and you ilu for awhile longer before leaving, one of them staying back a little longer to look at you.

The whole interaction left you with a smile on your face, knowing that it was definitely lo’ak telling you to calm down, and to stop worrying about unnecessary things. Making hope swirl in your chest.

With time, you know you’ll be okay.

A/N~ this took SO LONG to write oh my fucking god. But we made it!! And I hope you guys enjoyed this (and this is my first angst fic so pls cut me some slack if some phrasing gets repetitive😔) because I did, didn’t enjoy the tears I cried while writing this but it was worth it🩷 if you made it to the end and you’re reading this I wanna thank you so much for reading this whole long ass fic, must really love me huh😏?? LMFAOO but anyway! Otw to write for kinkmas now🏃🏽‍♀️💨

Duces🫶🏽,

Luvv4j4ybe11

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male-body-swap-lover · 7 months

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Becoming the Old Man Next Door

Carter Austin was annoyed that he had to be home for his parents 30th wedding anniversary. The model was only in town for one night, and even that was too much. He hated Fairview and missed the fast life of New York. The 28-year-old was one of the hottest models on the scene and couldn’t believe he was wasting his weekend in his childhood bedroom.

Hon, we are so excited that you are home. We’ve missed you.

You know how busy I’ve been mom. I’m one of the hottest models. I’m constantly booked.

I know. We told Mr. Jarvis that you were coming home and he was so excited to see you.

Mom, I’m 28. I don’t want to go see our old neighbor.

Oh, just do it Carter. It’ll make him happy. He’s lonely. His wife has been dead for 20 years and he has no children. Just do it.

Fine.

I went next door and rang the doorbell. Mr. Jarvis answered the door. I forgot how fat he was.

Austin my boy. So good to see you. Come in come in. Sit down. I’ll get you a drink.

As I sat in his living room, I looked around at his depressing life. The room seemed straight out of the 1970’s, and it reeked of tobacco. 15 minutes. That’s all I need.

Here’s a coke. So, tell me about New York.

It’s fun. I travel the world. I’m one of the top models out there.

I know. I’ve followed you. You are quite the good-looking young men. I bet ladies throw themselves at you.

I get my fair number of women. And men. I don’t discriminate.

I wish I had your life. My life was always boring. And it’s been worse ever since Marian died. I live a lonely life.

Well not everyone can have my life. This coke tastes weird.

That’s because it’s not coke at all. It’s a special potion. You see Carter, I’m tired of being an old man who never did anything with his life. I want a life in the fast lane. So, I am going to steal yours.

What. That’s not possible

I stand up and try to move, but I can’t. It’s like I am frozen in place.

Carter, look in the mirror. Can’t you see the changes have already begun.

As I stared into the mirror, I could see the wrinkles start appearing on my face. Suddenly I started breathing heavier as I felt myself get older. I ran my hands through my hair and it came out in chunks in my hand. I tried to run, to get out, but couldn’t move. My skin was aging. I could feel my youth leaving my body. Passing 30. All of my hair fell out. Passing 40. Stubble appeared on my face. Then it stopped. I looked in the mirror. Damn. I’m fucking old, but I’m fucking hot.

Haha old man. I’m still fucking hot. Look at me. Your plan failed.

You aren’t very smart are ya Carter. That was just step one.

Step one! I turned to him and saw that somehow his hair had grown back in and he looked middle aged. It’s like my hair and age went to him!

Yes, there are three steps. Let’s start step number two.

With that he clapped his hands and suddenly I felt bloated. My stomach was starting to rumble. I looked in the mirror and my face was bubbling. Suddenly it felt like I was blowing up like a balloon. 10, 20, 50, 100, 150, 200 pounds of fat just suddenly appeared on my body. For some reason as I grew, my clothes grew with me.

I was a whale. No one would ever recognize me. It was absolutely disgusting. I used to make fun of people who looked like this. Now I was one of them. I turned and looked at my captor. He looked good. He was so skinny. It’s like all of his weight transferred to my body! He was hot! I was so jealous. Wait he said this was step two, what was step three going to be?!

Damn, I never even looked this good when I used to be in my 40’s. This is amazing. I bet you are wondering about step three. Well, I suppose it’s time to start the final step. Get ready to say goodbye to any remaining part of your old life.

A wave suddenly washed over me. I could feel the life force draining from my body. My facial hair was turning white. My back pain was killing me. I could feel pain everywhere in my body. Arthritis. But I’m only 28. What is happening. I didn’t even think this was possible.

I’m Marvin Jarvis. Wait what! No I’m not Marvin… I’m um….i’m um. What is going on. It’s like I am losing my memories.

What are you doing to me. Why can’t I remember my name. Why do I think I’m you.

Because, Marvin, that’s part of step three. I become you and you become me. We might not look exactly the same, but the world will change to suit us. Why don’t you look at your license.

I could barely reach my wallet. I pulled out my driver’s license. It still said Carter Austin, and then it changed. Marvin Jarvis. 81 years old. 375 pounds. I looked at the photo and then at my reflection in the mirror. There was the same old man. Me!

You’ll never get away with this.

I already have. Your old memories will continue to slip away until you become Marvin Jarvis. Meanwhile, I’ll get your memories and live out my life again. A world-famous model. Carter Austin. My life is set.

Suddenly my mom entered the house.

Hello Marvin. I just came to get Carter. Dinner is ready.

I wanted to scream out. To tell my mom what happened. All that came out was “Of course Karen. It was lovely seeing Carter again. What a fine man he has become.”

Mom, I am just going to hug Mr. Jarvis goodbye and then I’ll be home.

Okay. See you soon honey. Goodbye Marvin.

The new Carter came and hugged me. Good luck Mr. Jarvis. You’ll need it. Don’t forget to take your heart pills, and back pills, and all the other pills. Don’t drive at night. Also, your social security check barely covers basic living expenses. Haha. Better get one last look at me. This is the last time you’ll see me. I’m never coming back to this hodunk town.

I started crying as the new Carter Austin left. He may not have looked exactly like me, but what does it matter. The world believes he is Carter and I am Marvin.

I sat down because my knees were giving out. I tried to remember everything about my old life, but I could feel it slipping away. I’m trapped. There is nothing I can do. You know what sounds good right now. A good pipe. I wonder if NCIS is on. 6:30pm. Almost time for bed. Well, maybe being an old man isn’t going to be so bad after all.

#male body swap #age regression #age progression #old to young #male body theft #identity theft #young to old #weight gain #body switch

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dyns33 · 1 year

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Upon a dream

Dream x reader, being idiots, as always

Morpheus was truly the best boyfriend in the world. Romantic, poetic, attentive, tender, passionate.

If he had been real, he would have been truly wonderful.

But unfortunately such a perfect man couldn't exist, and so it was normal that Y/N only met him in her dreams.

During one of her nocturnal wanderings, she had found herself in a huge library, his library, and even if he had been surprised to find her there, he had not chased her away, allowing her to explore, showing her the castle, chatting at length with her.

It had been a beautiful dream, which she thought she would quickly forget. But she had dreamed of him again the following night, then every other night.

She was trying to convince herself that it was no big deal.

Her life wasn't so terrible, she had her family, her friends, her job, her hobbies. There were plenty of people who remained celibate all their lives and were perfectly happy being alone in front of the television, eating ice cream and imagining an ideal lover who would visit them in their sleep.

Nothing special.

"My love, you seem troubled tonight. Far from me. Are you alright ?"

"Yes, Morpheus. Excuse me, I'm just tired." Y/N apologized with a smile, snuggling into his arms to forget her worries, and the fact that he wouldn't be there when she woke up.

"Good. That's what I'm here for. You can rest in peace, I'm watching over you. What do you want to do, my love ? Lucienne would be happy to show you new books, Cain and Abel wish to tell new stories, Matthew asks for gossip from the waking world. We can also walk in the gardens, travel to the other side of the galaxy, or stay in bed. Tell me, my love, I am at your command."

"You're adorable. Anything is fine with me, as long as we do it together."

"My sweet." he whispered, kissing her.

As always, it was difficult for Y/N when she opened her eyes and found herself in her bedroom, alone, in her cold bed, just like when she went to sleep.

It was absurd, she repeated it to herself every time she was about to fall asleep, but a simple dream managed to make her feel things she had never felt in her entire existence. The human brain could really be fascinating. And dangerous.

Depressing.

Because even if she was terribly happy when she was with Morpheus, she was just as sad when she left him and returned to reality.

Several times, she had thought of talking to a doctor about it. To find a solution. But Y/N didn't really see what it was going to solve.

They were only going to tell her that she felt lonely, which she already knew, and that her dreams were trying to fill that void.

The only thing she could do was seek the company of real people when she was awake.

It was not easy.

If Y/N had been able to get a real boyfriend, she would have done it a long time ago.

And it was worse now, because no one could ever be as good as Morpheus. She was really in love with him.

In love with a dream, it was really depressing.

There was also this ridiculous idea in the back of her head, which kept telling her that it wouldn't be very proper to cheat on him. Even if he didn't exist.

He didn't exist. Morpheus didn't exist, he wasn't waiting for her in her dreams every night, he would never magically appear in front of her, and if he loved her, then he would understand that she was looking for someone to spend her life with.

After asking her friends for advice, one of them offered to introduce her to a charming man, with whom she could get along well. It was less risky than meeting a stranger, because they could tell he was a good person.

And if she didn't like him, it would be fine, she would find other suitors.

Désiré was indeed a charming man. Funny, kind, seductive. But during the whole evening they spent together, Y/N only thought of Morpheus.

When their hands touched at the end of the meal, she quickly pulled it away apologetically. He looked a little offended, but he didn't say anything, forcing a smile.

"It seems to me that I am not up to it." he sighed when it was time to part ways. "I don't like to lose, but I know when I'm not... wanted. Which doesn't happen often. He's lucky. He doesn't deserve it."

"... I don't understand what you are talking about."

"Oh, darling. I think that's the part I find the funniest. He'll be pissed that we had dinner together, but I can't imagine his reaction at all when he finds out why we had dinner together. "

"It's late, I have to go home."

"You're right. Sweet dreams." he purred, throwing a kiss at her.

Y/N did not try to understand what Désiré had meant. No doubt he had drunk too much alcohol during the meal, and he had guessed that there was someone else in her heart.

Going to bed, she relaxed thinking that she was finally going to find Morpheus and his marvellous kingdom, after this long day.

The throne room was horribly empty and cold when she materialized there. Sitting on the steps of his huge staircase, Morpheus watched her with an impassive face.

"How was my brother-sister ?"

"... Your what ?"

"Desire. You were with them all night. At first I thought I had to step in, that they were going to try to hurt you, but... Matthew told me you asked to have dinner with them. A "date". You asked your friends to find you a 'date', several 'dates'. So I'm not enough for you ? You don't love me anymore ? Are you making fun of me ?"

"Morpheus." she sighed sadly. "Of course I love you. I love you more than anything."

"But not enough to be faithful."

"Oh, I knew my mind would go to that ground, it's really not fair."

"... Your mind ?" he repeated slowly.

"Listen, I love you. But you're not real. It's just a dream. I can't wake up every morning to be reminded that this isn't true, that I'm alone, not loved, and the only times I feel some joy are during my sleep, with a being that my subconscious has invented. You are perfect, and the more time I spend with you, in this fabulous world, the more I cut myself of the real world. It's not healthy."

“It is true that it is not good for mortals to live in the Dream. But that does not mean that it is not real. That we are not real. You... You really don't know who I am ? You really don't know it's not just a dream ? It's never just a dream."

"Morpheus... Don't make me hope in vain."

"I told you to go on dates in the waking world, boss. Just because you always say you exist doesn't mean the lady is going to believe it's true."

The little raven trembled a bit when his master looked at him, flying away to rest on Y/N's shoulder, where he would be safe, for the moment.

"Maybe I should have listened to you, Matthew. But it's not too late. Desire also showed me that our love was strong, they couldn't do anything against it. I just have to make up for my mistake."

Slowly, Morpheus stood up, approaching Y/N, who didn't know what to make of this dream. It really wasn't like the other nights.

He caressed her cheek tenderly, before kissing her like every time she was going to have to leave soon.

"When you wake up my love, I'll be there and you won't have any reason to be sad, or look for another partner."

"Don't make me..."

"This dream is over."

Jumping up in bed, Y/N first looked at the window, seeing that it was still dark. She then looked at the time, which made her sigh. It was still very late.

"Good evening my love."

This time, in addition to jumping, she screamed, falling off her bed. Immediately, a man came running to her side, asking her if she was alright and helping her to sit on the mattress. He had the voice of Morpheus. And his face.

No, it was impossible.

"Well done, boss. Subtle. She wasn't scared at all."

"Silence, Matthew. My love, forgive me, I told you I would be here."

"... I'm still dreaming ?"

"No."

"So this is it, I'm crazy."

"You are not in my younger sister's domain, I can assure you. I should have explained a lot about myself to you more clearly, I should have visited you in the waking world earlier. We were so happy I was not thinking, as soon as you appeared in front of me I only wanted to be with you and I did not see that I was hurting you. I apologize. My love, I am Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, king of dreams and nightmares, prince of stories, and I am very real."

"... You are real." she said softly, touching his face to make sure he really wasn't an illusion. He closed his eyes when her fingers touched his skin, turning to make them pass on his lips. "All this time, you've been real. And I almost dated another man. You must hate me."

"I wasn't thrilled by this news, but there was a misunderstanding, so I forgive you, if you promise me never to do this again, and to stay away from Desire."

"His name is Désiré, and okay."

"Desire is my brother sister, my sibling. Another Endless. They wanted to have fun with you, at my expense, but your feelings were strong and sincere, preventing them from manipulating you, and proving to me that I had no reason to be jealous."

"But you were still a little jealous."

"No."

"Boss." muttered the raven, poking its head out of its creator's cloak. "Boss, you're really bad with girls. You always have to say yes. Yes I'm jealous, but I trust you, I love you, I don't deserve you and I'll do anything to be worthy of..."

"Thanks Matthew, you can go back to the Dreaming now."

"I'm a good wingman, I think it's safer if I stay."

"My love and I are together for the first time in the waking world, at night, in her room, on her bed."

"... See you, boss ! Madam ! Be good !"

The raven disappeared back into the cloak. Morpheus waited a few moments, as if wanting to make sure he was gone, before laying sensually on top of her, suddenly looking a bit taller, his shadow enveloping the entire room as a sort of purr emanated from him. Y/N wondered if she was really awake.

"So, my love, what do you want to do ?" he asked, as he asked her every night.

"Hmm... I'm too tired to go out. It's a little late to read, watch a movie or even dance. So what could we do ?"

"What, indeed ?"

"Is the king of dreams sleeping ? Is he dreaming ?"

"No, and no. But I think about you all the time, to the point that it interferes with my work. A lot of people often dreamed of you, because I wasn't concentrating enough."

"Are you willing to sleep with me ? I mean, sleep sleep. I'm really tired. But if you're here tomorrow morning... You know."

"It would be an honour for me to watch over you while you sleep. I already do it every night, but to hold you in my arms while you are asleep. It is the most beautiful proof of love and trust. Not many people realize that there is nothing more vulnerable than a sleeping being. Thank you for this gift, my love."

Smiling, Y/N snuggled up to him after being settled under the covers. She would have liked to listen to his heart before falling asleep, but obviously he had none. He didn't need it, he wasn't human.

They would talk about that later, and the consequences that implied.

But now she was tired, and happy that Morpheus was really there, in her bed.

"Are you really not going to sleep ?"

"No. I'm going to beg my father for the night to pass faster, so that it's morning and we… You know."

Y/N would also ask him about his strange family when she was better awake. In the meantime, she fell asleep peacefully in the arms of Morpheus, who sang her a lullaby while stroking her hair.

#sandman #the sandman #dream #dream of the endless #dream of the endless fanfiction #dream of the endless x reader #morpheus #morpheus x reader #tom sturridge

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wen-kexing-apologist · 3 months

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Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

Hello! After a holiday hiatus, I am returning to @bengiyo's queer cinema syllabus. We will be ringing in the new year with Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. That fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004) [cannot for the life of me find this film], Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the SIde (1995)

Today I will be writing about

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

[Run Time: 2h 14 min, Lang: English]

Summary: “Ennis and Jack are two shepherds who develop a sexual and emotional relationship. Their relationship becomes complicated when both of them get married to their respective girlfriends.” -imdb

Cast: * Jake Gyllenhaal as Jack Twist *Heath Ledger as Ennis del Mar (Rest in Peace)

Okay, so unsurprisingly Brokeback Mountain is one of seven of the movies on this syllabus that I had seen before I embarked on this project. I watched it for the first time in 2021 and walked away from it with two images in my head: Jack and Ennis’ reunion kiss and Jack getting his face bashed in with a tire iron. This film is in Heartbreak Alley for a reason and that’s because it is fundamentally depressing as fuck. Jack and Ennis are stuck in unhappy marriages, lonely all their lives, struggling to carve desire out of a life that does not let them have it. Ennis ends up alone, and Jack ends up dead and these things are important. Ennis slipped out of his role as attentive father and doting husband the second Jack walked back in to his life, Jack kept breaking his own heart by daring to dream of the life that he wanted.

A life he was denied.

I want to mention these tragedies up front because I want primarily to talk about something else in this film. But i do not want to just push past the violence here. This is probably something other people have heard, it was definitely something I was told by the person who recommended this film to me the first time. But the way Jack dies, the way Earl dies, these are both similar to the way that Matthew Shepard died. Matthew Shepard was kidnapped, pistol whipped, tortured, and tied to a fence in Wyoming for being gay and was so brutally beaten his entire face was covered in blood. Jack was beaten to death with a tire iron on the side of the road, Earl was brutally tortured and left in a ditch. These men are not just killed, but brutally, violently, torturously murdered for being queer.

That said, this movie felt so different to me the second time I watched it and I am so amazed to see how much I truly missed my first time around. I was younger, freshly queer, and did not have anywhere close to the extensive queer media viewing history I do now. It is wild to me to see how I have grown in my engagement with media after spending a year writing about body language. Because this film is so fucking brilliant, like legitimately intelligently crafted in it’s displays of gay politics. Maybe this is stuff that I picked up on subconsciously the first time through because I never found the movie boring despite it being rather slow. But this time? My brain was buzzing at how expertly crafted the dialogue and body language was around trying to be safe while being queer.

I am thinking of the way that Jack sizes Ennis up at the beginning, Jack’s posture as he leans against his truck the first time they meet. I’m thinking about the line “Mr. Augirre’s got no right making us do something against the rules” when you consider that queerness is very much against the rules at that time and in that place. The way Ennis refuses to let Jack be gentle with him at first, tending his own wounds, staying distant and quiet, until he doesn’t.

Maybe it’s just because of how much I’ve watched The Sign drift further away from the hyper-masculinity aspect of their story, but I could not stop thinking about the delicate dance that is required to navigate the growing feelings and sexual relationship between these two extremely masculine men. I started looking and I think there are about three times in the entire movie where Jack and Ennis are soft with each other. The first is on Brokeback the second time they have sex, and Ennis is struggling and just rests his head on Jack’s chest before going in for a kiss. The second is when they are cuddling in bed at the motel after their first reunion. The third is the scene after Ennis tells Jack he won’t be able to see him again until November. That’s it. Otherwise they aren’t touching, or when they are touching they are rough, rough housing, rough kissing, rough fucking it doesn’t matter.

Ennis says he isn’t queer and Jack says he’s not either, but they fuck and then they are drawn to one another for the rest of their lives, because there is no one who could get it like they do. Ennis isn’t lying when he tells Jack that is the most he’s spoken in a year. Ennis is a lonely man. Ennis is a rural, hyper-masculine rancher he does not have emotions, not anymore, if he ever did. Whatever conscious or subconscious queerness he had undoubtedly shriveled and died the day he was shown Earl’s body. And that, I think, is part of why Ennis is just constantly drawn to Jack, why his face lights up when he sees Jack, why he throws such caution to the wind upon their first reunion.

Ennis does not need words for Jack to understand him. Jack is also a rural, hyper-masculine rancher. He gets it in a way that Alma never will. The violence they bestow upon each other, Jack understands why Ennis would lash out. The need to escape in to the mountains, Hack understands why Ennis needs it. It’s just so smartly written. Ennis so unmoored from his own feelings that his body physically rejects them when he and Jack separate for the first time. The way he has to suck it in, suck it up, pretend like he’s unfazed, unaffected, until the minute he has a chance to be out of eyesight, and then he just collapses retching, sobbing, punching walls.

And then he’s able to separate himself from his emotions once more, he marries Alma, he stays lonely, he does his duties, until Jack comes calling. I think I remember a story about how the first kiss that Heath and Jake have when Ennis and Jack are reunited, their faces slammed together so hard one of them almost broke a nose. And that is how 90% of Ennis and Jack’s relationship is. Those emotions come back and then Jack is leaving again, and Ennis just starts to crumble.

I could not stop thinking about the dialogue in this film Mr. Aguirre’s carefully chosen words when he is telling Jack exactly why he isn’t hiring him for another season, the way Jack tries to suss out if the man sitting next to him at the bar after the rodeo is queer and down to fuck, how that man picks up on it, rejects him, and how quickly Jack gets the fuck out of the bar afterwards. The inherent understanding of what being invited to the cabin means in that conversation with David Harbor’s character. GOD, it’s just so well done.

Favorite Moment

To continue on the subject of incredible code work in this movie, my favorite scene is when Ennis goes to visit Jack’s parents to try to get Jack’s ashes so he can spread them on Brokeback Mountain. How without ever saying anything directly, Jack’s parents are able to convey that they know the reason Jack died, what Jack and Ennis were to each other, and that they accept Jack and accept Ennis was just beautiful. The way she lets Ennis go up to Jack’s room, Ennis finding the shirts, stained with blood because that’s what it is to be queer, Jack’s mother letting Ennis take those with him, Jack’s father saying: “We’ve got a family plot. He’s going in it.” as Ennis is about to walk out the door, Jack’s mother saying: “You come back and see us again” and not have either of those things feel like a threat or a trap? It was incredible.

Favorite Quote

Hmm, I know we have the two famous quotes, but it’s hard to pick a favorite line because there is so little dialogue in this film considering it is over two hours long. I think I am going to go with the last line of the movie:

“Jack, I swear”

Cause it made me cry. Alma Junior pays a visit to her father to let him know she’s getting married, and she drives away forgetting her coat, and Ennis opens his closet (intense staring at the visual commentary) and he buttons the top button of Jack’s shirt, and he swears to Jack and to me that feels like a wedding vow.

Score

10/10 This film is gorgeous, just utterly beautiful all around. The cinematography, the script, the commitment and the care the actors give to these characters, to the subject. I am so glad this was on the syllabus so I had this opportunity to revisit this film. I got a whole lot more out of it as a result.

#bengiyo queer cinema syllabus #queer cinema syllabus #queer cinema #unit 4: heartbreak alley #brokeback mountain

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pogostikk · 1 year

Note

okay i LOVE your art and what i presume is your au, but i have no clue what’s going on in any of your comics or drawings.

is there any chance that you could give a lore dump or story dump of some kind?

Eeeeeeee thank you!! I honestly don’t think anybody has a clue what is going on lol

I’d be happy to info dump though!

So my AU -which I call the separation AU- surrounds the idea of pink and human Steven being two different people and Rose’s two children, and came into the world separately. Pink Steven, who is mistaken for Pink Diamond after she gave up her form for him, later takes the name Star, is fully grown at birth and resembles a diamond rather than a Quartz- while Steven is just an infant.

The problem is, Rose had been pregnant and discovered by the diamonds before Steven was born, she was too weak from shapeshifting entire reproductive organs and creating an entirely new life for nine months to fight back, and probably wouldn’t have regardless due to the chance of her child being injured.

So on Homeworld, to protect her child she revealed her old identity (you can find another post answering an ask about this).

Because of many factors, Steven and his gem half were born split apart.

Star had limited knowledge while also way too much, he knew he wasn’t supposed to exist and was also supposed to be apart of Steven, and whether he could fuse with Steven or not, it was simply impossible because of the situation.

So to protect and take care of Steven, he took his mother’s place as a diamond, conforming to White’s expectations.

While he could technically bring Steven to Earth as Rose would have wanted him to, the diamonds would have chased him there and that would have risked the planet. He also couldn’t leave Steven in the zoo or drop him off on Earth because while Steven is viable without a gem, he’s basically a plant relying on Star for energy like a sun, if he’s far from Star’s presence for too long, he’ll wither and die. So abandoning Steven was out of the question.

Fifteen years later, Connie finds herself as a Crystal Gem. The three gems on earth had continued to try and protect the earth for Rose, and Greg had fallen into a depressive state.

The last Crystal Gems never went into detail about Rose. They never told her exactly what happened to the leader of the Crystal Gems and Greg no longer interacted with them.

Connie took Steven’s place in a way, she was the one who befriended and freed Lapis Lazuli, for example. But anyways when Peridot and Jasper came to stop the Crystal Gems from interfering with Peridot’s work, the remaining Crystal Gems had been captured along with Connie. (I’m workshopping the storyline so I’m not sure abt this yet)

While the gems were poofed and bubbled away, Star decided he wouldn’t put Connie in the zoo or return her to Earth.

Steven, being isolated from other human beings and viewed as a pet to a majority of Homeworld, had left him lonely, and Star realized this. So he took Connie in (is what he calls it).

Everything else after that is what I like to play around with. I imagine eventually Connie would convince Steven to help her escape and rescue her friends, but when the three gems see Steven, they also see Rose in him, and are determined to “rescue” him.

Anyways I’m tired of writing, I realize this information comes with a few unanswered questions, so if you have any feel free to ask!

#steven universe #su au #human steven #pink steven #I don’t like to write #I’m gonna go die in a hole now #the crystal gems #asks #connie maheswaran

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lokisbiiiitch1993 · 10 months

Text

Note : I only watched Thor 1 ,first Avengers Movie, Thor the Dark Kingdom,Ragnarok and Loki the Series - on YouTube I spoiled myself about how Thanos killed Loki

So basically I only watched Movies with Loki in it

Only from other Fanfics I got a idea about how the other Avengers interact with each other

Imagine Loki using cringy Pickup Lines on you

It's been awhile since Loki joined the Avengers

Thor convinced them to give his Brother a Chance - because Loki was mind controlled and manipulated .

Most of them ignored him ,Tony was acting snaky , Thor told him everything will be alright and you were interested in Loki - wanting to know everything about him - trying to understand him you Always felt bad when the others didn't treat him nicely.

Loki and you became fast Friends - spending most of the time together

He loves playing tricks on you and flirting.

Loki enjoys how nice you are to him and having your Attention but the others were often quite annoyed and rolled their eyes at you two

But that changed - lately you felt depressed ,tired and powerless - the beginning of the Winter Season hit you hard again - it's dark and cold outside making you wanting to sleep and stay in bed all the time

The Avengers got worried - they haven't seen you lately - you weren't smiling as much - Loki was also bothered by it . He wanted to make you smile

What got you thinking so hard ,are you plotting something Reindeer Games ?Tony asked Loki

Brother, must be planning a way to make her smile again? Thor said with a smile

She loves cringy Pick up Lines - she laughs about them every time? Tony stated

I hope for you it's not a Trick to make me look stupid - Loki uttered

How could I trick the God of Mischief - Toni mocked

Come on Brother it's worth a try isn't it ? Thor said optimistic

A few hours later he walked to your Room knocked on the door and waited for you to give him permission to let him in.

Do you need something? You asked

Want to go outside for some fresh air? You took my breath away. - Loki answered

Confused you said ok

Your hand looks lonely. Can I hold it for you?

Letting him take your Hand - you thought he is acting weird today

You know what you'd look beautiful in? My arms.

You smiled at him - amused - he is doing too much - always so extra

Did the sun come out, or did you just smile at me? - Loki said proud

Stop it - you laughed

If you let me borrow a kiss, I promise I'll give it right back.

What's going on? Do you really mean what you say? - you asked unsure

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Jumping in his Arms he whispered in your Ear

Let’s flip a coin. Head’s you’re mine, tails I’m yours.

Well I always thought

If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged - you teased him

Reblogs are appreciated ❤️

My Masterlist

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noroi1000 · 1 year

Note

Hi girl, I read your yandere stories and I’ve noticed that there is only one where Y/n is the yandere, well that I’m aware of. I had this idea of what if Y/n is the yandere in this story. It is a Geto x y/n x Gojo btw. I’m this story Geto and Gojo are dead, because Geto was executed and let’s say that Gojo died from a mission or something. Y/n couldn’t get over their deaths and slowly looses her sanity. And what if Geto and Gojo from the past when they were in high school teleport to the future by accident. I have no idea in how they meet so It can be however you want. Basically she takes them to her house and she lied to them that she’ll help them get back as long as they stay with her for the time being. She basically manipulates them into staying with her by saying that they died in the future and how lost, lonely and depressed she feels and not letting them leave the house. And as time went by they also loose their sanity because their stuck with her because they feel guilty and she makes them think that is safer for them to stay with her and that they need her in order to live. Only y/n knows about the past Gojo and Geto and keeps it a secret from everybody. She uses a veil around her house to his their curse energy so that other sorcerers wouldn’t notice. Basically they take care of the house while she works. I hope you like this idea and do it once you start doing requests again.

See you again

Gojo and Geto x yandere reader Warnings: manipulation, death

Summary: You loved them... They were your Satoru and Suguru... But they died leaving you alone... Your technique has never been precisely defined. Until it all ended. You have received life with them again. You didn't want to lose them. You lived with them. With someone you brought from the past to you. But they can't stay with you forever, right? There must be some way...

You just came back from the funeral.

There were circles under your eyes. Your face is pale.

Your hair is not combed properly.

You gave up any makeup because you knew you would cry.

Your eyes were red and burning.

They hurt as much as your heart.

It hurt terribly.

Carelessly dropping your shoes and coat on the floor, you didn't even bother to correct you or put your shoes and coat back in their place.

You left it as it was meant to be. On the floor.

You knelt down near your bed, lighting two candles on the altar you had in your room.

At least that's what you could do for memory.

You took the picture frame in your hands, hugging it. And he pulled out a piece of paper with the figure of your beloved Suguru on it.

He pulled another photo out of the drawer. And I put it in the frame, putting it on the shelf behind the candles. Photo of Suguru and Satoru standing with you.

Suguru died last year... And you couldn't even see his face before he died.

Satoru just told you about it.

And to this day, only his picture has stood there.

Now, there's a picture of both of them there.

Because two days ago, you found out that Satoru didn't return from his mission.

That he died.

Yesterday you cried when his body lay in Shoko's morgue.

You didn't want to leave him.

Yaga carried you out of there by force. Because it was necessary to prepare his body.

By giving you harsh sedatives, he calmed you down even more.

You couldn't sleep for several nights. Knowing that your other friend you loved died. He has gone already.

You went to his funeral being an absolute wreck.

Pale and tired.

Even after everyone had gone, you knelt before the tombstone with his name on it, weeping into oblivion.

Until Nanami came for you and brought you home.

You were there now.

Looking at the picture of the three of you on the altar.

Suguru, Satoru and you.

they died. Their bodies were cold. Their hearts did not beat.

You're on the shrine too because that (y/n) who was alive when they were died too...

More than once, everyone you know has told you that you need to see a psychologist.

Stuffing yourself with sedative pills couldn't help you much.

Everyone's been telling you that.

They told you to go to a psychologist to forget about it and start a new life. Not to think that they don't exist.

You need to calm down and live as you were meant to live.

forgetting about it.

You had to come to terms with their deaths.

But honestly, you couldn't...

You lied to them about going to a psychologist. And you were actually coming home.

And you've never been to any doctor.

You even stopped contacting all of them.

You spent your days being at home.

You took tranquilizers every day.

You felt worse every day.

Every day it got worse with your mental health.

You missed them.

So....

You were talking to yourself as if you were talking to them. Hoping they listen to you up in heaven...

You prayed to them as you knelt on the ground in front of Satoru's tombstone.

You only begged for one thing...

For them to come back to you...

Your prayers have been heard.

One day, when you were sitting on the ground, staring blankly at the inscription in the stone, you saw white hair in the distance.

You were sure it was some old man visiting dead relatives.

However, this person was too tall for the old man. Too young.

And next to this person you saw another young person. Dark hair. Bun...

You stood up automatically, your legs leading you straight to them.

When they heard the rustling of leaves, they looked in your direction.

To see your dirty pants from kneeling and sitting on the damp ground. Your jacket was loose and your hood fell off your head as you looked at them.

Your eyes that had been shedding tears before started crying again. Even stronger than before.

You fell to your knees looking at them lifeless.

But at the same time, your eyes shone. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest.

"Hey, what's going on?" The white-haired man asked as they approached.

They didn't know what they were doing here.

All they know is that they were suddenly thrown to the ground here.

Your Jujutsu technique has never been revealed.

But you doubted that you were capable of bringing people back to life...

They looked the same as when they were at school.

And they were also wearing uniforms.

What if your technique gives you what you want?

That it takes what you want to a given place and time?

For some reason, when you needed something badly, it would suddenly appear next to you.

While studying at Jujutsu High, you were told many times that Tengen talked about opening a strange hole in his barrier.

Nobody knew what your technique was.

And you knew you could open something like portals.

Interspace portals.

And now it turns out you can also open time portals...

"Something's wrong?" The dark-haired man asked, crouching in front of you.

You got them back, didn't you...?

You pounced on him, cuddling into his chest.

"H-Hey..." he muttered in surprise.

It wasn't normal for a woman to suddenly hug him.

Also, it wasn't normal that they suddenly appeared here. They were just at school!

You clenched your fingers on his clothes, crying harder.

And he gently pushed you away.

"Who are you?" He asked surprised by your behavior.

It's obvious they won't recognize you...

You are 10 years older... You are not a teenager...

They might think of you as just some crazy old woman now.

You were 27 years old. They could have been about 17 now...

Hearing his voice, you started to cry even more, burying your face in your hands.

Z you must have looked so pathetic...

Kneel in the dry autumn leaves, have wet pants from the dampness of the earth.

"What is it about?" The white-haired man looked at his friend.

"I don't know..." he replied.

"Miss, what happened?" Asked the white-haired.

They were ordered to save people from curses. And you looked like you had dozens of them in your life.

Pale skin, dark circles under the eyes.

They met at the cemetery. So you must have suffered somehow. You were the perfect victim for curses.

But you didn't have one...

They didn't know how it was possible. But it was.

"...Suguru...Satoru..." you moaned into your hands.

They both widened their eyes upon hearing that.

And you suddenly got up and ran away from them.

It couldn't be them...

After all, Satoru's grave was still there!

"Oi!" They shouted at the same time.

They started running after you.

There was something wrong with you.

But your voice was strangely familiar...

They searched for you among the tall tombstones until they found you sitting on the ground with your legs on either side of your body.

You wiped your tears from your face.

They approached you slowly.

There must have been a reason why you ran away.

What they thought was that they reminded you of someone. Someone dead.

And it was true.

"Ma'am... Are you okay?" the dark haired one asked.

But as He looked at the inscription on the grave, his eyes widened.

„Gojo”

"What's wrong, Suguru?"

"Satoru..." He grunted and pointed to the tombstone.

A new grave around which there were flowers.

"...Huh...?"

The white-haired froze upon seeing this inscription.

There weren't many people with that last name...

The statue was brand new.

And at the bottom was a photo in a metal frame.

It was definitely a new tombstone.

Gojo, shaking off the shock, reached for the frame.

Geto crouched next to you and put his hand on your shoulder.

"It's me?" Gojo pointed his finger at the white-haired man in the blindfold in the photo.

You looked and nodded your head.

"Who are these?"

He looked at the people around him. Pink-haired, dark-haired, red-haired girl, the other with black and green hair, a short boy with a mask on his face. And also a panda.

All in Jujutsu school uniforms.

You cried at the grave. He must have been more to you.

"I died here?" he grunted as he looked at the picture.

There's a reason it stood on the grave with his name on it.

On the frame was written "Happy Birthday, Gojo-sensei".

"I was their teacher?"

He kept looking.

He saw Yaga in the account and Nanami next to it. I guess it was him. Stoic face and blond hair... A woman and a man with glasses stood on the other side. Shoko and someone else...

And right next to him in the picture was a woman with (h/c) hair. He kept his hand on her waist as they both smiled for the photo.

"(y/n)...?"

Suguru looked at him in shock.

He put the photo down and looked at you.

"(y/n)? Is that you?"

You didn't answer him, but you looked at him, still wiping away your tears.

He looked at your eyes. No shine.

It was you... It was definitely you...

"(y/n)?" Suguru echoed, also looking at the photo.

Without a moment's hesitation, the boy in the glasses reached for you, hugging you to his chest.

Holding you tight.

You mourned that he died here...

Why are they even here?

is this a dream?

If so, it's not a nice dream.

You crying at the grave with his name on it? It all seemed too accurate for an ordinary dream...

Also, those people in the photo...

All of them...

And you...

"Suguru... This is (y/n)... She... I don't live here..." He looked at his friend with a frown.

You didn't want to let them go. You kept hugging them. You kept holding them.

And they managed to get you to get up and go with them.

You took them to your house.

You decided to speak only after you entered the room.

Even though it was warmer there, the atmosphere was so cold...

You slovenly tossed off your jacket and shoes.

You went lifeless to one place.

To your shrine with their picture.

They looked around your house before following you.

It didn't look like your home.

You would never feel so empty. However, everything pointed to this being your home.

They both saw boxes of pills on the shelf. It was a disturbing sight...

Then they followed you and saw you kneeling on the floor looking at the picture.

"You both left me..." you said calmly. "You both died leaving me alone..."

"Both?" Satoru asked.

"You died a few days ago... Suguru last year..." you muttered.

"And my grave?" Suguru asked.

"There's no... nowhere." You said in a broken voice. "From 2007 to last year - 2017, you lived as a curse user..."

"Curse user?" repeated.

"What did he do?" Gojo asked and gave his friend an intimidating look.

"May I know how old are you...?"

"17."

"Suguru... When you were 18, you killed 112 people in the village on a mission..." you said calmly. But your breath wasn't like that.

"Me?"

You nodded.

Gojo looked at Geto as if he wanted to strangle him.

"Say... If you had to choose now, would you choose this way?" you asked.

"No... Why?"

"You hated people who weren't sorcerers..."

"How did he die?" Satoru asked.

"He was fighting one of your students. I know Suguru didn't want to kill him... And you knew it too. So he lost."

"He killed him?"

"...You did it..."

He widened his eyes upon hearing this...

"I wasn't there to stop Suguru from becoming a curse user... I wasn't there to stop you from finishing him... But according to the rules he was supposed to die... I'm sorry Suguru... I failed you..."

"It's not your fault..."

"But it's your fault I'm like this! Lonely and depressed! You don't know what life is like! I hate this! I don't want to live without you!” You screamed. You didn't care if the neighbors heard.

"I died on a mission?"

"Yeah...I don't know how...I wasn't there..." You groaned crying.

"If we died here, you must live on..." Geto said, sitting down next to you.

"It's all your fault... I don't want to live without you..."

"(y/n)–."

"Don't leave me again!"

They both suddenly hugged.

"What do you say when we get home we'll try to make sure that doesn't happen? So you're not alone now..."

"But I want you now! If you leave, it will be the same as before! I will wait years for this to change! I don't want to be alone all the time!"

"But somehow we have to get back..."

"I don't want to lose you again!"

"We can't be here..."

"But something can happen to you! I don't want to experience this again! Not now that I've met you!"

You started crying again.

They looked at your house again.

Just as empty as your eyes when they met you in the graveyard...

The most adorned place is the altar where you are now.

Suddenly you got an idea...

You don't want them to go away...

But they don't know how they can come back...

So they'll be here as long as they can't find their way back home...

They can be here with you all this time...

And maybe they'll never know it's something related to your Jujutsu technique...

You don't even know what it's about...

You can "protect" them as long as they're here. After all, they don't know where they are.

Anything can be dangerous for them.

"What if I help you find your way home?" You asked quietly.

They looked at each other.

"But I have one condition..."

"You stay here. You don't leave this house... I will protect you from whatever may happen... You can easily get lost... I will look for a solution... But stay with me as long as possible..."

"Suguru, do you think it's okay that we're still here?"

"What do you mean?"

"We've been here for half a year... Is there really no way back?" he asked, watching the soup his friend had cooked bubbling in the pot.

"She promised to help us get back. I believe she is trying. But we can't forget that she also has her job and her life." He told him, adjusting the apron around his waist.

"Sometimes I forget where we were supposed to go back... It's as if my memory is malfunctioning..." said the white-haired man, handing him the plates.

"I have that too... But I wonder, is everything okay. She is happy. The first time we saw her, she wasn't smiling at all. And now she..."

"She is happy. I know. I'm glad that happened. But six months in a future where we're both dead is something else entirely..."

"Do you think we should ask her about the results?" He asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I think so... But she needs us, doesn't she?" He put his hand over his mouth.

"She's so lonely without us... She's worried... Can we really leave her here like this?"

You protect them, you make money and you live with them.

A small curtain is placed around the house. So that sorcerers do not smell them in your house.

It was something you did to take care of them.

But their psyche has deteriorated...

They felt bad that you suffered for so many years because of them.

They felt guilty for your tears.

But you kept them locked up in the house.

They didn't go out. You forbade them.

They simply did not see this world outside this apartment.

You were going to work. You visited the grave of an adult Satoru who died six months ago.

But you didn't cry. Your humor was good.

Because they were with you, you were happy.

But they sense

You manipulated them somehow...

But it was fine as long as you were happy...

You entered the house. Running straight to them. Hugging them hello.

They greeted you with a smile.

As always.

The atmosphere was so good. You ate the food Suguru cooked.

You were watching TV.

To go to bed later.

Satoru lay behind you, holding your waist as he hugged you. You cuddled up to Suguru, running your fingers over his jaw as he smiled slightly at you.

Those were your dream days.

Dream nights.

That was one night you remember.

"The first time we hugged like this was the day before your rescue mission with Riko-chan... Do you remember?" You said calmly.

"Who?" Satoru moaned, laying his head over yours. He squeezed you tighter in his arms.

"Amanai Riko." you repeated. "You secured her. Star plasma vessel."

"I don't know who you're talking about..." He muttered closing his eyes.

He wanted to sleep.

"Star plasma vessel? What are you talking about, (y/n)?" Suguru asked.

"Don't you remember that? You backed this girl up to Master Tengen."

"I don't recall it. Did something like that happen?"

You suddenly pulled away from them, sitting on the bed.

"You really don't remember that?" you asked looking at them seriously.

They looked at each other and then at you. They nodded their heads side to side.

"Wait... You should remember that... It happened before you came here. Or rather during this."

"We don't know what you're talking about."

"You should remember that! I understand that you don't know what happened next because you are young, but you should at least remember Riko's name!"

"We really don't know who it is..." Satoru said as he lay down on his back.

They lose their memory...

The more time passes, the less they remember...

They should remember Riko. After all, they told you that they moved here the day they found out about this mission...

They don't remember her...

They don't remember that they helped Mei Mei and Utahime...

They don't remember what happened on Suguru's 17th birthday in February. Even though it was unforgettable...

They don't remember anymore...

They lose their memories here every day.

And what if they finally forget everything they remembered while there?

Then what?

Nothing is going to happen...

The sorcerer slayer will live...

Tengen will not receive a Star plasma vessel...

Little Megumi will not be raised by Satoru...

There will be no demon parade on December 24...

No one can stop Yuji's execution...

But neither will they.

If they forget everything... They will disappear...

How many days are left until their birth...

17 years. However, they will disappear later.

It will be as if they don't exist at all...

Everything that happened to them will not happen...

Because they won't exist...

Which also shows that you won't remember them either...

Because at some point they disappeared while you were at school.

All you can remember is that you had two friends, but they mysteriously disappeared and never came back.

Everything you remember with them... Will evaporate...

"God... What have I done..." you groaned as your eyes filled with tears.

By you. Because you keep them here, they will die here. And no one who remembers them now will know about them.

It will be as if they don't exist for most people.

You will barely remember them. Same with Shoko and Nanami and Yaga...

"What happened?" Suguru asked.

You started to cry feeling terrible.

You're starting to forget now, aren't you?

"You need to go home..." you groaned. "I don't want to, but you have to."

"But we have to find our way home first."

"It was my technique that brought you here!" You moaned loudly.

Their eyes widened.

your technique?

After all, you didn't have a specific technique in school.

Have you had...?

they don't remember...

"I don't know how, but it happened...! I wanted you to come back to me, and suddenly you appeared then, in the cemetery!"

"You moved us here?" Suguru asked.

"I didn't know! I still don't know how! But you can't stay here!"

"Why? You'll be lonely without us." Satoru said, sitting up with his legs apart.

"You will die here if you stay! Disappearing as if you didn't exist!"

"But we can't leave you." Suguru spoke up.

You messed up their brains so all they can think of is that they made you suffer...

You still have time with them...

You can be with them for a few more years...

But they will forget you after a few years... After all, you met them for the first time in the first year of Jujutsu High.

And if two years pass, they'll forget how they met you...

You didn't want to see them die. You don't want them to die a second time...

Not that way.

They will die because of you!

Because you wanted to keep them for you.

But you didn't want them to die again...

"You can move us back, right?"

"Toru?"

"You can do it, right?"

"I don't know..."

"Try..." Suguru told you.

"Don't leave me again!" you shouted.

"And you will keep us here until we die?"

You widened your eyes at his words. So cruelly true...

"Will you keep us here until we die, or will you let us come back to make sure nothing happens?"

You looked at Satoru.

You don't want them to leave you...

When they come back nothing will ever be fixed...

"We promise you that we won't let you be alone like you have to now. But let us out of here."

"I'll never see you again if I do this..."

"But we will fix it. It will be the way you always wanted. That we'll be with you."

"You can't fix this!"

"If you can open a passage for us, we will also be able to keep our promise."

You suddenly stood in front of the bed. You always trusted them.

Did you at least try to make it...

You put your hands on the floor and thought about how much you want to see your school days...

You felt your energy evaporate for a moment.

And to your right there was a passage showing the sidewalk at your school.

"You made it..." Satoru said, surprised and amazed.

But when he saw your tearful face, he didn't smile.

You wanted to break the technique, but their hands stopped you.

"If you don't want us dead, let us go..."

"If you don't want to be alone, let us fix it."

Those two sentences made you stop.

And the transition continued to drain the energy out of you.

"Will you do something for me?" you asked.

"What?"

"Look for a solution. Fix what happened so you don't die..."

"And kill me now if you won't remember being here anyway."

"you're crazy..."

"Never!"

they said.

"If you don't, I will close the passage..." you said, giving them an ultimatum.

They stopped in front of the window in space, and looked at you again.

Either they go home and kill you, or they stay with you.

When they die, you will probably kill yourself too...

They didn't want it...

Suddenly they saw their hands appear in front of you. They both knelt on one knee in front of you.

"Maybe you want to start all over again?" Suguru asked.

"Come back with us. And do it all again. To make sure we stay together." Satoru added.

You didn't know what to do.

Start all over again?

How?

You don't know what to do with your life...

So...

"We'll be together."

These words convinced you...

All you ever wanted was their love...

You were standing with them in front of the passage.

And you didn't even turn to look at your house.

They went through a circle in the wall.

Their school uniforms appeared again on their bodies.

As they pulled your hands with a smile, you took unsteady steps.

Until finally they pulled you into their arms so you wouldn't hesitate.

Your uniform appeared on your body...

You felt different. What happened disappears from your mind quickly.

The passage behind you made a very loud sound of breaking glass as it shattered, disappearing.

"How are you feeling?" Satoru asked you, placing his hand on your cheek.

You clenched your hands on Suguru's sleeves.

"Satoru... Suguru... What just happened? After all, I was with Shoko in her room a moment ago... Why am I here with you now?"

They looked at you questioningly.

"What do you think happened now?" Suguru asked you.

"I was with Shoko. Literally a moment ago. We talked about you going on an important mission to escort the Star plasma vessel. And suddenly I heard broken glass and I appeared here in front of you. What happened?"

When they understood, they smiled.

They remembered.

You didn't remember...

"Nothing happened. We were just about to ask you if you wanted to come to town with us today. On a date."

"I want so much!"

Cursed technique: Transition User: (y/n) (l/n) A Jujutsu technique of opening passages between timelines and reality. It opens passages between the past, the future and reality. It gives the user what the user wants. Causing it to run out of control sometimes. The technique only allows moving objects and people, not including the user. When the user of the technique arrives through a passageway leading to another time, reality becomes distorted. The timeline the user exits cracks and disappears, bringing everything back to where the user enters. Wiping the user's memory of what happened in the timeline during which the user moved into the past or future. The memory of people passing through this passage with the user remains unchanged.

People experiencing the side effects of transitions: (y/n) (l/n) whose memory was erased after going to the past.

Witnesses of the transition technique in action: Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru, whose memory after the passage remained, because they passed through the main passage with the user.

As the only ones whose memories remain, Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru take over as the user's guardians - (y/n) (l/n).

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