#and now I’m like. going thru the stages of grief and varying intervals
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I’m 23 and I still feel stuck. younger than young. older than old. most importantly, I feel stuck
#bwaugh#I think it’s cause Covid struck at the end of my teen years and then nothing was the same#I’m. sick#and I’m tired and I’m happily in love and I’m terribly lonely at the same time#I’m trapped in my safe space but it doesn’t feel like prison because I’m here on my own accord#mostly#I want to live but I also don’t want to live enough if that makes sense#I’m so angry at life that I’m numb for the most part#and I feel like I’m being punished for being depressed#I think. this is just internalized ableism and I’m mourning a life that k was never gonna have#and now I’m like. going thru the stages of grief and varying intervals#I’m very self aware I just wished it helped more#I’m getting so good at understanding my feelings ^_^ so that’s progress#but yeah. I wanna live so bad I wanna die. so I can live again
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