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#I’m always in pain after cleaning but this way is way easier to clean shit up

us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2 · 3 months

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actually good cleaning hacks from someone who’s been through some shit

Get a steam mop I don’t care how much it is or cheap, just get one

if you have a pet invest in a wet dry vacuum, you will thank me.

get cleaning cloths you actually like the feel of, if you hate microfiber get a cheap set of tea towels and use them instead. Or chop up a dead tee shirt and use that.

plug in vacuums are 2x more powerful than non-plug in vacuums. You trade sucking power for mobility with cordless, so think that over when you get one.

buying a cheap mop every time one gets moldy is cheaper than having to deal with any mold you get from using a moldy mop.

invest in disinfectant/antifungal/antiviral/antibacterial liquid for your laundry, because that stuff makes getting rid of moldy musty musky shit easy. And it cleans your cleaning cloths without getting them greasy or soapy.

to fix “I accidentally left my clothes in the washing machine too long now they smell like mold” thing, you will need antifungal laundry liquid and the literal sun. Wash your clothes on the hottest setting you can with your clothing materials in mind, add the antifungal before you start, let it go for like 2 hours. And put it in the sun to dry. Repeat if it still smells moldy, until it doesn’t anymore, works like a charm!

to clean crystalline dog piss, you will need water, a steam mop, a wet dry vacuum (depending on if it’s in a carpet) dog cleaning spray or vinegar. Basically , rehydrate the piss, clean it up with dog spray or HOT vinegarish water, grab a steam mop and steam it (if not on carpet) and viola it should be okay now.

If it’s in the carpet you will need to rehydrate the piss, then just dowse the piss with water, use the wet dry vacuum to suck up the water, repeat until water comes up clean. Use whatever pet cleaner that’s good on your carpet to get the smell out, Patch test it in the corner of the carpet before you do it on the piss spot, soak up and remaining water from the carpet until it’s dry or blow dry it if you have to. And tada you have a cleaner carpet! The same works for dog shit too.

drain snakes are your best friend if you don’t remember to get the hair out the drain.

have one sponge for wiping down the sink and one for washing your dishes, because sometimes it’s easier to use a sponge to wipe down the sink than a cleaning cloth.

You can put sponges in the dishwasher and it cleans them REALLY WELL, do it everyday if you can.

Invest in a good glass cleaner for glass because when it gets greasy it’s hell.

Koh cleaner will literally cut through grease and oil, and fat. Like it wasn’t even there, if you don’t have the money white vinegar and bi-carbs does the same thing. Though be careful because it’s reactive and might destroy your countertop or pots, just invest in koh your life won’t be the same. (I can clean all the grease off things, that’s how good it works. Plus it doesn’t smell!!!)

Replace your toilet cleaner every 3 months, or make sure you don’t let it fester. That’s more of a hassle than replacing it every now and then.

Get a good dish soap, because you can use it for everything because of how mild it is.

After mopping always steam mop otherwise it will always be streaky or tacky, idk why but steam mops fix this 9/10 times.

there’s more, but I;m too tired.

#-pop #disability #I’m disabled and these hacks have saved me so much suffering and pain #I’m always in pain after cleaning but this way is way easier to clean shit up #STEAM MOPS FOR LIFE #if you have no money for a vacuum there’s these fancy sweeps 🧹 that have 2 discs that move and collect the dust and crumbs they #Are SO WORTH IT #cleaner #cleaning #laundry #cleaning tips #decluttering #mental health stuff #activism stuff

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heart-of-the-morningstar · 2 months

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✨Feathers✨

Hey hey hey, I’m back! Took a tiny break but I had another idea for a spicy Luci scenario! But this one is super tender cuz Luci needs some TLC like nobody's business! 🥺

This turned out a little more dom!reader then initially planned but I'm happy about it

Big thank you to some of the anons I received for the ideas! I very much appreciate everyone who's given anything I've written their love!

Lucifer x f!sinner reader

Summary: Lucifer's wings are not in the greatest shape, you offer to help clean them...

Warnings: 18+, smut, handjob, oral (m & f receiving), p in v, cockwarming, dom!reader and sub!lucifer if you squint

It had been a pretty quiet day in house. Lucifer was off with his daughter Charlie for the day, they’ve had quite a bit of father/daughter bonding to catch up on. But this gave you the chance to work on something that you’ve been wanting to make for some time now. It was a secret project, keeping things from Lucifer was harder than it seemed. But with the home to yourself, you were finally able to finish the gift you wanted to give him! Just as you were admiring your work, a portal opened up behind you; Lucifer was back! Quickly, you hid his gift under your pillow before he could see anything. Lucifer stepped through the portal and into your bedroom; you noticed his wings spread out behind him.

“Hi, honey,” you greeted as you walked over to him, planting a small peck on his forehead. He smiled, grabbing your hand and placing a kiss on it in return. “How was your day with Charlie?”

“It was really nice! We went for a little flight, as you can tell,” he laughed, gesturing to his wings. Lucifer’s wings always left you in awe, you couldn’t help but stare at them. But upon further inspection, you saw that they seemed a little worse for wear. You wondered when the last time they were properly taken care of, since you've never seen him actually do anything with them.

“Hey Luci, your wings are looking a little…” you hesitated, looking for the right word, “disheveled. Is everything alright?”

"Ahh," Lucifer sighed, "yeah, I uhh...I'll admit, I haven't paid them much attention. Not in a long while."

You knew that he had been by himself for a long time before you came along. He had mentioned his battles with self isolation and depression that he had fought against for years, but he was never too keen on going into more detail than necessary. Looking back, it would make sense as to why his wings are in the state that they are. It saddened you, you wished you could have been there for him. It was time to make up for that.

"How about this," you proposed, "why don't I run us a bath and I'll help you clean them up. How does that sound?"

"O-Oh, are you sure?," he questioned, failing to hide the fact that his cheeks were now flushed. "They're kind of a pain, I don't want you to-" you cut off his protests with a peck. You felt his lips curl into a smile.

"Nothing's a pain when it comes to you, Lucifer," you assured. "Go get ready and I'll see you in a few minutes, alright? Tonight, let me take care of you."

"Of course," he grinned, "thank you, my angel."

*** Lucifer saw you smile and make your way to the bathroom that was connected to your bedroom. As soon as the door closed, he let out a long sigh. It really had been years since he’s taken care of his wings. It was a lot easier when there was someone there to help. When Lilith left, it became a much more daunting task. He began to undo his button up shirt, tossing it onto the bed and moved on to undoing his belt. But suddenly, he stopped once the buckle had been unhooked. Shit, he thought to himself, realizing he’d forgotten how sensitive his wings were, my wings being touched are drive me insane! I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it together, especially not after years of just letting them go! He sucked in a few deep breaths and continued removing the belt from his pants. It’s fine, it’s fine…as long as I don’t make a noise or turn around. Just focus, Lucifer. For Satan’s sake, you’re the king of Hell!

Lucifer undid his zipper, letting his pants and boxers drop to the floor and kicking them off to the side. Unfortunately, he could already feel the blood rushing between his legs in anticipation. No, no, no!, he scolded himself, we’re not doing this. We’re getting our wings washed and we’re going to bed! I’m not letting this turn into anything other than a nice bath! She CANNOT think I’m just some touch starved pervert! I’m not! He inhaled deeply and ran his fingers through his hair, trying his best to calm down. After a minute, he made his way to the bathroom, placing his hand on the knob.

“I’m so fucked,” he whispered to himself before slowly opening the door.

*** It was fortunate that Lucifer had such a spacious home, that meant a more spacious bathroom as well. His bathtub could easily fit four people comfortably, but this at least gave you room to be able to work with his wings. You turned the water on to a nice warm temperature, making sure it wasn't too hot. You undressed as the bathtub began to fill, grabbing a soft washcloth from the closet and bubble bath soap after discarding your clothes. Once the tub was half full, you poured the soap in, letting it mix with the running water. The bubbles appeared fast, you couldn't see that water anymore after a few seconds. Finally, you brought the flow to a stop and dipped your toes in to test that waters. Perfect. You stepped in and slowly began to sink down into the warm liquid that heated your core. Lucky for you, his tub had seats along the sides so you could sit comfortably instead of sinking to the bottom! As soon as you were submerged just below your shoulders, you heard the bathroom door creaking behind you.

"Knock, knock!," Lucifer joked, hitting the already opened door with his knuckles. You chuckled as he closed the door behind him. Not that it was a new sight to you, but his naked figure never ceased to make you blush, as if he were perfectly sculpted. You shook your head, trying your best to focus on his face and not let your eyes wander anywhere else.

"Alright, let's see what we're working with," you stated, prompting Lucifer to conjure his wings once more. As you looked them over, you could tell it would take a little bit of time to clean them properly, but you were more than willing to help. You shifted over to the edge of the tub and offered Lucifer your hand. Smiling, he took hold as you guided him into the water with you. He sat down next you, turning his back so you could start working on his neglected feathers.

"Thank you for this," he spoke softly as you took the washcloth and began to work on his first set of wings. "I really don't deserve it, or you..."

"Luci, don't say that," you cut in, "I love you, and I want to help you. I'll always be here, I promise."

You heard him hum in response. He had a lot more feathers than you originally thought. You wanted to take your time, combing through every feather from his first set as they were the largest. You moved your attention down to his second set of wings after a few minutes. You were both quiet for a while as you continued your ministrations, running the washcloth thoroughly through each of his feathers, ridding them of any dirt. However, the sound of Lucifer's breathing becoming heavier with each passing minute did not go unnoticed by you. Wings were very sensitive areas after all. A tiny smile crept on your face. You had finally moved on to his last set of wings. They would be the easiest to take care of since they were the smallest, but you wanted to test your suspicions before you finished.

"Almost done," you hummed, "you doing alright?"

"YEAH, yeah," Lucifer answered almost too loudly, "I-I'm fine."

"That's good," you responded, gripping his feathers with just a little bit more force than necessary. You heard a small whimper escape Lucifer's throat, his hand shooting out of the water to cover his mouth. Bingo. "You sure you're alright, hon?"

"M-Mhmm," Lucifer mumbled into his palm.

"All clean," you purred, causing Lucifer's wings to disappear in a flash.

Lucifer stood up a little too fast trying to exit the tub, his back still towards you. "Thank you love, I really really appreciate you doing that for me, but I'm kind of tired so I'm gonna-" You didn't let him finish his sentence, grabbing onto his hips and pulling him into your lap, causing a large splash. "D-Darling, what are you doing?"

"And where do you think you're going?" you questioned, letting your hands run down his hips and towards his thighs. You heard Lucifer's breath hitch as your hands roamed dangerously close to his hard on. "What's the matter, baby? Were you hoping I wouldn't notice that you were getting turned on by all my touching? How cute."

You let your hand wander until you finally gripped his hardened cock. Lucifer could only let out a strangled yelp. All too pleased, you began to stroke his cock at an agonizingly slow pace. Lucifer tried to buck up at your touch, but your other arm was wrapped around his abdomen, keeping him flush to your chest. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Now why would you try to hide this from me, Luci?,” you teased him as you began peppering kisses along the back of his neck.

“Hhng…I-I’m sorry, love,” he swallowed, “it…shit…it’s embarrassing. I shouldn’t h-have had that reaction while you were…ffffuuucckk…” He completely trailed off, only being able to focus on your movements. You had only picked up your pace slightly since you started, you wanted to make this last as long as possible. But unfortunately, you could feel your own arousal start to pulse between your legs. Without warning, you let go off his cock, causing to Lucifer to whimper at the loss of your hand. You swiftly stood up and hooked your arm under his legs, carrying him bridal style out of the tub. He looked up at you with a mixture of shock and arousal. Once you were fully out of the tub, you placed him onto the white marble floor.

"Stay," you commanded. Lucifer held his arms down at his sides, completely immobile. You sauntered over to the rack and grabbed the two fresh towels hanging there. After opening the bathroom door, you dried off your soaking body as quickly as you could before making your way back over to Lucifer with the other towel in hand. You patted his hair down first, then moved to his face and shoulders, working it down to his chest and stomach. You avoided touching the area he needed you to touch the most and finally finished by drying off his legs. "Get ready," you told him as you stood up straight once more. Before he could respond, you scooped him up in your arms again with the towel placed underneath him. You couldn't help but smile down at him once you say how flushed his face had gotten. You effortlessly carried your lover into the bedroom and placed him down on the edge of the bed. You took the towel and placed it on the floor, giving your knees some much needed cushion from the hard wooden floor.

"Sweetheart, p-please," Lucifer said, finally finding his voice again, "you don't have to-" You gently wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock, cutting him off mid-sentence. He could only yelp in response.

"I told you that I would take care of you tonight, did I not?" you replied with a coy smile. "That's exactly what I intend to do."

You lowered your head and gently pressed your lips to the head of his cock which was already covered in precum. Your tongue circled the tip, causing Lucifer to grip the sheets beneath him, not being able to focus on anything else. You relaxed your jaw, forcing your mouth down onto his shaft as far as you could manage. You didn't want to choke, after all! You absolutely adored the sounds leaving Lucifer's lips, desperate moaning and incoherent babbling. You quickened your pace, your hot mouth leaving trails of saliva down your hand. You felt Lucifer's legs begin to shake.

"L-Love," he choked out, "if you don't stop, I'm g-gonna...FUCK!" You didn't stop bobbing your head up and down. If anything, it only made you work faster. You felt his hands reach out to your shoulders, seemingly trying to push you away, but he wasn't trying very hard if that was the case. You refused to budge. "OHFUCKME," was the last thing he could mutter before his orgasm hit him, spilling his hot seed into your mouth. It was salty, but not unpleasant. You kept your mouth firmly on his cock as he rode out his high. You felt him soften in your mouth and you finally removed yourself from him with a *pop*. You caught some of his cum on your finger that had leaked from your mouth, licking it clean. Lucifer caught you doing so and buried his face in his hands.

“You’re going to kill me one of these days, darling,” he mumbled.

You chuckled, pulling his hands away to see his bright yellow eyes staring back at you. “I don’t think I have that kind of power!"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," Lucifer sighed, "my wings are very...sensitive to say the least. I completely forgot about it until it was too late. I thought I could tough it out, but umm, that's clearly not what ended up happening. I didn't want you to think I was some maniac who couldn't control himself..."

You brought your hand up to his cheek, caressing it softly with your thumb. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. " You don't have to apologize to me, Luci, it's alright," you comforted. "Besides, seeing you so worked up is extremely hot!"

"Pfft!" Lucifer laughed, picking up on your attempt to lighten the mood. "Well, I'm glad you think so! I was dying the entire time in there!"

You smiled at him and got up from your kneeled position." Do you feel better now? Got it all out of your system?”

"Not quite," he breathed.

As if to take revenge from your stunt from earlier, Lucifer grabbed you by the hips and pulled you on top of him. "HEY!," you protested, but it was already too late; your cunt that's been aching for attention was now perfectly hovered over Lucifer's maniacal grin. Without warning, he pulled your legs down towards him and began to lick up your folds vigorously. His tongue attacking your clit with every lap he took. Your arms gave out almost immediately, forcing you onto your elbows to keep yourself propped up while the dirtiest moans filled the room. "Fuck...Fuck Luci, you feel s-so good...SHIT!," you cried out. His forked tongue worked at your sensitive nub relentlessly, causing the pit in your stomach to tighten. You weren't going to last much longer at this rate, he was too good and he knew it. Every time he ate you out, he always acted like a starving man who would never taste you again. It only took a few more nibbles at your clit before your walls spasmed uncontrollably, cumming hard against his tongue. He hummed in approval as he helped you ride out your orgasm, swallowing every drop of you. You managed to crawl away from him and plopped chest down on your mattress.

"You're insatiable, aren't you, Lucifer?," you teased, still trying to catch your breath.

"And you're irresistible, aren't you, my angel?" Lucifer joked back. He sat up straight against the pillows next to where your head laid. You couldn't help but notice that he was rock hard again. It filled you with pride to know just how much tasting you on his lips could illicit such a response. A thought popped into your head at that moment, your lips forming into a devious smile. You weren't going to let him have the last word. He was done for.

You pushed yourself up from your prone position and straddled Lucifer's lap, leaning down and crashing your lips into his. He moaned into your kiss, licking across your bottom lip, almost like he was begging you for access. You opened your mouth wide and felt his tongue slip past your lips, deepening your kiss. To his dismay, you pulled away from him, panting and breathless. You lined up your entrance with his cock, sinking down onto him in one quick motion. Both of you moaned at the sensation, feeling his cock twitch inside of you. Lucifer eagerly started to buck his hips into you, but you had other plans. You let the rest of your upper body weight fall onto his hips, rendering him immobile.

"Wh-what are you doing?," Lucifer whined as he tried desperately to rut up into you to no avail. "Please...please, need to move...."

You adored him in this state, begging and pleading for you to let him chase his release. "Teaching you a lesson," you grinned, shifting your hips every so slightly and making him bury his head into the crook of your neck.

"PLEASE! Please, I'll do anything!" Lucifer begged, his breathing becoming more and more labored. "Whatever you want!"

"I want you to promise me something, Luci," you cooed, placing your hand under his chin and lifting his head to meet your gaze. "Promise me that you'll come to me if you need help from now on. And in return, I'll promise you that I'll always be there whenever you need me. Do we have a deal?"

Tears welled up in his eyes at your words and the lack of stimulation. He buried his head into your chest, wrapping his arms around you. "YesyesyesIpromiseIpromiseIwill," he sobbed. You smiled and kissed the top of his head, his blond hair brushing against your face.

"That's my good boy," you praised. You decided to end his torment by lifting your hips and slamming back down on his cock at a break neck pace. His wanton moans went straight to your core, you knew another orgasm was fast approaching. He bucked his hips up into you, his cock hitting your G spot just right with every thrust.

"So close...sososoclose," Lucifer whimpered in your ear.

"L-Let go, baby," you choked out in your cock drunken state, "c-cum in me, Luci, pleasepleasePLEASE!"

Lucifer leaned down and bit into your shoulder, muffling his cries as it only took him a few more thrusts before spilling his seed into you. His bite pushed you over the edge as well, pulsating around his leaking cock. You both took a minute to come down from your highs, neither of you wanting to pull apart. At last, you pulled yourself up and out of Lucifer's lap and completely collapsed next to him. You reached over the edge of the bed and picked up the towel from earlier, handing it to Lucifer so he could clean himself up. You were about to fall asleep when you remembered something important.

"OH!," you shouted, startling Lucifer a little bit. "I almost forgot! I made you something!" You reached under your pillow where you had hid his gift from earlier. You pulled out a small duckling keychain with the words "My Little Duckling" beneath it. You passed it to Lucifer who cupped it in his hands, staring at it like it was made of diamonds.

"You...you made this...for me?," he stammered, completely enamored with his present. He clenched his fist around it and held it up to his heart. "I...I love it so much, darling! This is the best gift I've ever received! I'll cherish this forever! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He pulled you in for the tightest hug he's ever given you while peppering small kisses all over your face. You giggled and managed to capture his lips before he could get another peck in.

"I'm really happy you like it," you smiled. "We'll figure out where you can hang it in the morning, yeah?"

"I'd love nothing more, my dear" Lucifer grinned. "But for now, let's get some sleep, shall we."

You nodded and yawned in agreement. You shifted yourself flush against Lucifer's chest, letting his arms wrap around you. You felt his tail wrap around you leg right before you lost consciousness, letting you know he would never let you go.

~~~~

IT'S FUCKING DONE BABY, LET'S GOOOOOOOO

#lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #lucifer x reader #hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel smut #lucifer smut #lucifer morningstar x reader #my writing #lucifer's silly faces make a return!

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bloodlust-1 · 6 months

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˗ˏˋRelieve Meˎˊ˗ part 1

Halsin x fem Tav — Explicit 18+

Summary: Halsin is looking a bit tense, Tav offers to massage his muscles and relieve his tension in the best way she can. He wants to return the offer to help relieve her as well.

"I never felt my heart stir like this before you, I haven't loved in so long, and yet there it was...and I was in it.”

-> Part 2 <-

TW: none for part1

Note: needed some big-boy energy. This will be an explicit two-parter so ;p enjoy.

It was one hell of a day, everyone nearly dragged themselves into their tents for a well-deserved rest. Recently their travels have been getting harder and harder as they inch close to Buldars Gate. But no matter, the party seemed to try to keep their cool with Halsin’s and Shadowheart’s healing. Sometimes it was just too much though.

Tav sat by the fire with Karlach, who was rubbing her neck, “All that healing couldn’t get the crook out of this fucking neck. I’ve taken weaker hits that hurt less than this.”

“I agree, we’re all walking zombies at this point. Maybe we should take a break tomorrow. We all look like shit.” Tav laid her back on the floor and stretched her limbs out. Just as she sat back up her glance catches Halsin. He was walking by to pick up some food rations, an apple, and placed it in his mouth before walking away.

“Gods what I would do to that man…He makes me look small.” Karlach let out a small sigh of passion. She then looked at Tav who was lost in thought, “Hey, Soldier! Are you admiring our Druid, hm?” She nudged Tav’s shoulder with a smirk.

“He just looks…tense is all.” She rubbed her shoulder that Karlach nudged and hid her smile a little.

“Cmon you’re totally into him! Have you not laid in bed with him yet? I thought you guys were close..maybe even a little too close. Buuut— if it doesn’t work out for you let me know. I’d love to have a go with him.” Karlach giggled and nodded, “I’m serious, go talk to him.”

“And say what? What if he’s tired and doesn’t want visitors. He didn’t even say a word to us.” Tav was visible flushed. A nervous wreck even.

“Shit I don’t know! Make something up. You did say he looked tense. Touch some of those muscles in the name of help. You’re catching my drift?” She winked and pointed at his tent, “hurry before he falls asleep.”

“Karlach you’re a fucking genius. I’ll be back.”

“Or not.” Karlach chimed and sat up, “I’m heading to bed, don’t enjoy yourself too much, soldier.” Karlach reached out her hand for Tav’s and pulled her up to her feet. “Good luck.” Karlach ruffled up Tav’s hair before heading to her tent.

Tav palmed down her fly-aways before holding her head high. Karlach was right, they were close but they never took it to the next level. Why? She wasn't quite sure why, all she knew was that it was time to have courage. She wiped her sweaty palms on her shirt and made her way to his tent.

"Halsin, you there?" Tav pulled the draped curtains to the side. She saw him placing ointment on a couple scratches on his arms.

His eye darted up and he gave a surprised look, "Oh, Tav..I'm sorry, I would've cleaned up a bit. I wasn't expecting company. Please come in." His tent was littered with books, potions, and random old letters from the grove.

"Do not worry about that but—“ She welcomed herself in and kneeled down next to him. "Let me help you with this." She grabbed the small jar of ointment and started to smear any cuts she could find on his arms.

"You're too kind. I would not have bothered you with something small like this. I appreciate it all the same, thank you." He sat still and did not even budge to the pain at first,

Tav nodded her head. This was no trouble at all, after all, she really did care for his well-being. "If you don't mind, it'd be easier to get all these cuts without this shirt." She tugged on the hem of his shirt.

"Of course, little one." He grabbed the edge of his shirt and lifted his arms up. His muscles were immaculate as always, the sweet scent of eucalyptus wafted off him, and she could see all the untouched cuts. Some were deep, small, and even healed. Bruises of all kinds of healing stages were scattered on his skin.

"Halsin! You know these could get infected right? If you needed help it wouldn't be a problem!" Her face was angered. Her eyebrows furrowed, and the sight was nothing short of hurt.

"I'll manage." he patted her head and smiled softly at her. As if he wasn't in any kind of pain.

Tav shook her head, she was visibly angry, "You're so stubborn, allow me." She reached out her hand and placed it over his cheek, "I want to help you."

"You've helped me enough. I'll forever be in your debt if you keep going like this." Halsin stared with loving eyes. His gaze was soft and warm, and a gentle smile crept on his lips. His eyes sparkled with the joy of being in her presence, and he looked at her with admiration and affection.

"Then you'll just have to make it up to me one day." Tav pulled away her hand, "Now, let's see this back." She adjusted herself to face his back. Tav continued to aid his cuts, and from time to time he winced to the pain. "You know Halsin. Back at home, I dabbled in some medicinal skills."

"Oh really? This is news to my ears, tell me more, dear." Halsin perked up. He loved educating and learning new knowledge to add to his collection of skills. This definitely peaked his interest because Halsin never knew Tav had medicine skills since she was a fighter.

"Well— my people believed that healing was more than just potions. It's important to take care of your muscles and physique." She rubbed her hands together to create friction. She placed the warmth of her palms against his back. Tav began to lightly press pressure into his skin with long slow strokes. "This'll help reduce tension, improve circulation, and relieve any pain. I can definitely feel how tense your muscles are."

Halsin let out small little groans of relief as Tav's fingers glided up and down his spine. She started to apply a little more pressure and could feel his muscles start to loosen up. Halsin was truly all muscle, she's never touched a man with so much density, not for medical reasons and definitely not intimately. For as much as Tav was in awe, she genuinely tried her best to relax him. He deserved it after all. He did not need to leave his home in the name of aiding Tav. She was grateful for Halsin as much as he was grateful for her.

Her hands glided up and rubbed the muscles of his neck. Halsin could feel her breathing against his neck, it felt like hot little prickles that hit the skin. Halsin shivered in response. Tav noticed the goosebumps along his neck, "Does that feel good?" She whispered innocently in the back of his ear. The heat of her breath tickling his skin.

Halsin leaned his head outward to expose more skin, "Mmm, it puts a healing spell to shame." He complimented Tav. But under his relaxed facade, Halsin was melted with every touch from her warm hands. He was trying to find restraint in himself as an Arch-druid after all. He tried to close his eyes in an attempt to calm down his racing heart, but it only made it worse. He felt like he could feel and smell the presence of Tav. Lewd thoughts crumbled his mind and it made his skin crawl more. As a druid, all his senses were heightened, and the feeling for more clouded his judgment.

Tav noticed the small groans, his skin layered with goosebumps, and felt like his shoulders tensed up once again. She went back to work to massage him some more until she pulled away, and decided to sit in front of him instead. "Let me see your hand?" She said softly as she reached out for one of his hands and rubbed them lovingly.

His hand was way bigger than hers. She thought it was cute how mighty he was, yet how gentle his personality was. Tav thought Halsin was probably touched by the gods themselves with the way he looked. He was truly a masterpiece, a muse. As she rubbed his hands Halsin suddenly intertwined his fingers with hers, stopping Tav from massaging him. Tav's cheeks lit up crimson, and she darted her wide eyes at his gaze. He was holding her hand, one that engulfed her own but she felt so protected by it.

Halsin looked at the woman with an intense gaze, his hazel eyes softened. He was captivated by her beauty, taking in every detail of her face and scars. His heart was pounding in his chest as he thought of all the amazing moments they had shared together. He had such strong feelings of love for her, and he knew deep down that she was the one for him. He was filled with a sense of contentment and joy just being in her presence, and he looked forward to what the future held for them. "I never felt my heart stir like this before you, I haven't loved in so long, and yet there it was...and I was in it. I hope you feel the same, I fear the most these days." He grabbed both her hands and placed a tender kiss on them. "I want to repay your kindness, only if you'll allow me, of course."

Tav eagerly agreed to Halsin's offer, she too felt a connection and a strong mutual attraction. She was a woman who would never take Halsin's love for granted, "I feel the same, Halsin...I'd be happy too."

He smiled and placed a single kiss on her lips. It was tender and gentle, sadly it lasted only a moment before he pulled away, "Meet me at my tent tomorrow night and I will grant you a night of pleasure. One that you'll remember for all your long nights. I want to make you feel good too, my heart."

#bg3 fluff #bg3 tav #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 astarion #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 smut #bg3 halsin #halsin #halsin bg3 #halsin x tav #halsin x reader #halsin smut #halsin fanfic

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stylesloveclub · 1 year

Text

Pleasing (grumpy h blurb)

In which Harry's acting kinda grumpy, and y/n helps him... destress. :)

+++

Harry’s hand slams onto his phone, muting the blaring chimes of his 6 AM alarm. His head hurts and his eyes are heavy, and the thought of having to get out of bed, get dressed, and go to a business meeting when it’s still dark outside makes his feel physically ill.

He’s tired… beyond tired. Last night had been another one of his annual “In-Chef nights.” He’d been up on his feet, cooking meal after meal from 6 PM all the way until midnight, and had then spent an additional two hours with his staff cleaning up. He’d driven home in the cold rain, and didn’t even have enough energy to change into his pajamas when he got home. He just stripped down to his briefs, and collapsed into his bed.

Running on barely four hours of sleep, he’s feeling cranky and miserable and irritable. The sound of his alarm has been nagging at him through three snooze cycles, and he knows if he stays in bed any longer, he’s going to be running late.

He forces himself to blink his eyes open. He feels gross and sluggish, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, and letting out a loud groan. The early morning meeting he has today isn’t even one that he’s excited for… he hates the constructors that are helping him open a new Pleasing location in New York. They’re bad communicators, and always make mistakes in the plans that they’ve made. Harry’s a very particular man, he’s picky about the way his food is cooked, a neat freak in his home, and has an organized schedule that he never strays from. So working with these incompetent people, who somehow always manage to royally fuck something up… god it really gets Harry frustrated.

He yanks the blanket off of himself and swings his legs over the side of the bed. His feet meet the floor, and it’s ice cold. Great.

This is just fucking great.

+++

“Jesus fucking christ.”

Harry takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes to calm himself. It doesn’t work. His nostrils are flaring and his eyes have turned a dark, angry shade of green. “I fuckin’ said last week that I wanted gas stoves. So why is there an order for six electric stove tops?”

Ian, the contractor, fumbles in front of Mr. Styles, cheeks turning red. “Uh-um, t-the installation of the electric stoves was cheaper.”

“What did I explicitly ask for,” Harry seethes.

“Err– t-the gas–”

“So what in your right mind made you think that I’d be okay with this?”

“I– well, sir, we just wanted to go with the option that was more affordable–”

“Do you think I give a fuck which one is cheaper?” Harry yells. “For fuck’s sake, I’m running a multi-million business!” He slams the papers he’d been holding onto the desk in front of him and stands up angrily, his chair scratching loudly against the hardwood floors. “Get this fixed, today,” he says before storming out of the conference room and slamming the door behind him.

He locks himself into his office, and sits in his chair, rubbing his red-veined eyes. He’s too tired to have to deal with all this shit today. How hard is it for people to follow instructions? His life would be so much easier if everyone else didn’t fuck up so much.

He sits there for a few minutes with his head in his hands, fingers still rubbing at his eyes to try and soothe away the burning feeling he feels every time he opens them. His head is starting to hurt, a pounding migraine so intense that he can feel his heartbeat in his ears, and his stomach hurts. All he had to eat today was a black coffee before he went into that horrific meeting five hours ago.

Yes, the one hour meeting they had planned had ended up taking five hours instead. He literally had to clear his schedule to fix all the fucking mistakes that they were making. They’d chosen the wrong tiles for the floor, ordered the wrong stove tops for the kitchen, and had designed all of the countertops to be one inch too low… it literally pained him to be working with such incompetent designers.

And now he was behind on his work.

He lets out a tired sigh and turns on his desktop, opening his emails. The bright screen makes his eyes sting, and he has to squint to read the tiny word on the screen. He scrambles around in his drawers and finds his reading glasses, but still, the words blur together and make his head hurt. He bares with the pain, and spends an hour or so responding to emails and filling out paperwork, until there’s a knock at his door.

“What is it?” he calls out a bit snappily, not looking up from his paperwork.

He hears the door jiggle, trying to open but struggling against the lock. “It’s me, Mr. Styles!”

Immediately, he puts his pen down and unlocks the door for his sweet y/n to come in. She’s holding a plate of food for him, and looks up at him with her pretty smile, cheeks warm and dimpled with kindness.

“Hey puppy,” he murmurs, surprised. She hadn’t come in for the majority of this week because she had finals. In fact, she just had her physics final just this morning.

“Hi!” she says enthusiastically, entering his office. “Teddy told me that you’ve been here since 8, n’that you haven’t eaten anything all day.” She looks up at him with her adorable bambi eyes, “How come you’re allowed to scold me for not eating enough at work when you’re skipping meals too?”

He smiles lightly, “you’re right puppy, that’s hypocritical of me.”

“Very hypocritical,” she nods resolutely. “So, I brought you some food! I had Teddy make it, ‘cos I know he’s your favorite.”

His stomach growls at the sight of the fettuccini alfredo in front of him. He’s starving but he’d been way too caught up in his work to think about getting up to get himself any food. “Thank you,” he says, taking the plate from her and picking up her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles.

“It smells yummy, so I want some too,” she says, sitting down on the chair behind his desk. “But we gotta eat it quick, ‘cos I’m supposed to get back out there in five minutes.”

“Thought you weren’t meant to come in today?” he says, sitting down next to her.

“I wasn’t scheduled,” she says, shoving a forkful of the pasta into her mouth, “but then Grace texted me asking if I could cover for her. She got the flu.”

Harry hums, grabbing a tissue from his desk, and wipes off the little bit of white sauce clinging onto y/n’s lips, her mouth full of deliciously creamy and garlicky pasta. “How were your exams?”

She rolls her eyes. “Ugh. Don’t talk about it. So hard, but everyone else said it was super hard too, so hopefully there’s a fat curve.” She claps her hands excitedly, “But at least I’m done! No more school for the rest of the month!!!”

Despite his initial grumpy mood, he can’t help the smile that graces his face. His girlfriend is literally the cutest thing in the world, especially when she gets all giddy and excited like this. She’d been really stressed out and MIA all week because of her exams, so it’s refreshing to see his lively and happy y/n again.

“So proud of you puppy,” he says, cupping her cheek and giving her a kiss.

She twirls a forkful of pasta for Harry and feeds it to him. “Are we gonna hang out tonight?” she asks.

“Of course. Need t’cuddle tonight, you’ve been so busy I feel neglected.” Just sitting with y/n for a few minutes has already calmed Harry down, the stress in his body fizzling away.

She giggles cutely. “Okay baby. We can spend alllll night together.”

+++

The ache in his stomach fades away after finishing the pasta that y/n brought for him, and after popping an advil, he feels his headache start to slowly go away as well. He’d gotten an email that the electric stove tops had been returned and that an order for the gas ones had been put in, so he’s feeling more relaxed about that as well.

He lounges around in his office until y/n is done with her shift, and they sneak out the back exit to head home together. He’s got a one hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on her thigh, and he’s feeling much better than he was this morning when he’d been all grumpy and stressed out.

When they get to a stop light, his phone rings. He thinks nothing of it when he picks up, not even looking at the caller id. “Hello?” he answers casually.

“Er– Hi, Mr. Styles.”

Harry rolls his eyes. It’s Ian on the phone. “What’s going on?” he says tersely.

“Um… so we figured out the stove issue, which is great…”

The light turns green. “Okay…?” Harry says, slightly annoyed.

“So… well– the stove company said that the shipment is gonna take a few weeks, which is gonna put the construction schedule behind since we can’t install the countertops until we put the stoves in, which means…” Harry sighs in disappointment, already knowing what’s coming. “Well, it means that the restaurant might not be ready for the opening date that we’d set.”

“Ian,” Harry’s knuckles are turning white around the steering wheel, and he’s using every cell in his body to keep his voice steady so that he doesn’t start yelling in front of y/n. “When I signed that contract with you, didn’t we agree it would be done in three months?”

“I– yes, it’s really unfortunate–” Ian stammers, but Harry cuts him off.

“I don’t want to hear fuckin’ excuses,” Harry bites. “We signed a contract.”

“Sir, I don’t know what to tell you,” Ian says casually.

“How about we start with the fact that this issue could’ve been completely avoided had you simply followed the plan that we had agreed upon?” Harry’s voice is steadily rising, an angry fire to his tone. “Or how much money you’ve already cost me from all the mistakes you’ve made? I signed a contract and I expect the deadline to be met. It’s far too late to push back the opening of the restaurant.”

“It’s out of my control–” Ian tries to explain, but Harry won’t hear it.

“Jesus christ, do I need to do everything for you?” Harry bursts. “Call the company and tell them the delivery is for Harry Styles! Figure it out with the investors, pay them extra! We will not be pushing the date back, not when we’ve already invested so much into it.” Harry hangs up the phone angrily and throws it into his lap. “Fucking hell,” he breathes angrily.

Y/n sits next to him quietly, her eyes wide. “Everything okay?” she asks timidly.

“S’fine,” he bristles tersely, pulling into his parking spot. He puts the car in park and gets out of the car, slamming the door behind him with such aggression that y/n winces for the car.

Scrambling behind him like a little puppy, she follows him into his penthouse. There’s an angry furrow in his brow as they ride up the elevator, and his lips are pressed together in a frustrated line as he types out a message on his phone. He storms into the kitchen without even glancing at y/n, and pours himself a glass of ice cold water to maybe help himself calm down.

Y/n stands shyly behind the kitchen counter, not saying anything but watching him quietly.

“Just a second, puppy,” he says, his tone impatient and clipped, pushing past her to head into his home office. He dials the number of one of his restaurant’s business partners on the phone, and spends nearly half an hour figuring out what they were going to do.

“I want a new fuckin’ contractor,” Harry rants.

His partner. Niall, gives out a hearty laugh, “I know mate, but don’t worry. I’ll figure it out for ya. I know the guys over there, I’ll give ‘em a ring and see if they can get your appliances sent over any quicker.”

“Thank you,” he mutters gratefully. Finally, there was someone who knew how to get shit done. He hangs up the phone and runs his fingers through his hair frustratedly. His headache is back and his neck and shoulders hurt from being so tense.

Y/n knocks on his office door, and he sighs heavily. “Not now, puppy, v’got to send some emails.”

She steps in, despite the fact that he’s dismissed her, with sad eyes and a pout on her lips. “If this is how it’s gonna be all night then… I’m just gonna go home.”

His eyes snap up. “What?”

“You’re working and being all… grumpy,” she says quietly. “So I’m gonna get an uber.”

“Y/n, don’t be like that.” He looks at her with an exasperated look. “Something important came up, v’got to deal with it.”

“I’m not trying to be like anything,” she shrugs. “You’re stressed out and you don’t wanna talk, so I feel like I’m just annoying you by being here.”

“Baby…” he sighs, rolling away from his desk and getting up to go stand in front of her. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest in a shy, almost protective manner, and she has her bag hanging off of her shoulder, fully prepared to leave. Standing in front of her, he can see the sadness in her eyes. “Don’t go, m’sorry.”

“I know you’re upset…” she whispers, looking down at the floor, “but that doesn’t give you the right to be snappy with me. It hurts my feelings.”

Oh, his precious girl, so sweet and sensitive. His heart breaks a little bit, knowing that he’d made her sad… he’d been so caught up in his own stress that he’d neglected her feelings. He knows that she was probably so excited to come over after having finished all her exams… and he knows that she’s sensitive. She gets teary eyed whenever someone uses a stern voice with her, cries for days if she ever gets yelled at. Of course it would hurt her when he pushes her aside and snaps at her to leave him alone.

He pulls her into his chest, “Sweetheart, you’re right, m’sorry. I shouldn’t be takin’ it out on you, you’ve done nothing but been sweet t’me all day.” She’d brought food for him when he was hungry, was cheerful and lovely on the car ride home, and had tried to talk to him when he was upset… only to get pushed away at the end of the night.

“I wanna stay, but not if you’re gonna be mean,” she says into his chest.

He presses a kiss to her hair, “no, m’done puppy. Not gonna be mean, promise. Please, stay?”

She looks up at him and smiles softly. “Okay,” she puckers her lips and leans up for a quick kiss. “Thank you.”

He smooths his hand over her hair, and rests his head atop her cheek, still hugging her close. She’s warm and smells sweet… holding her in his arms is all he wants to do for the rest of his life.

“How about I go take a shower while you send your emails, and then we can go to bed?” she suggests, pulling away.

He shakes his head. “Nuh-uh. No more emails tonight, I can send them in the morning.” It’s late at night anyways, it wouldn’t make a difference if he sent them now or tomorrow.

“M’getting in that shower with you.”

+++

In the shower, y/n washes away all of Harry’s stress and worries. She lathers up the loofah with the rose scented body wash that she keeps in his shower, and rubbed it all over his chest and back and biceps. She even went so far as to lift his arms above his head and scrub his armpits for him, making Harry cackle at how silly she was.

Then, she took his yummy smelling shampoo and had him bend down so that she could wash his hair for him. She threaded her fingers through his hair and scratched at his scalp deliciously, scrubbing his hair as though he were getting spoiled at the salon. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as the foamy shampoo dripped down his forehead, but she always made sure to rinse the bubbles away before they got into his eyes.

They got out and dried themselves together, standing in front of Harry’s heater in their towels for a few minutes while y/n brushed her hair. He changed himself into only a pair of boxers, while y/n opted to skip on undergarments (it’s very important to let ur pussy breathe!!!), putting on only a pair of thin sleep shorts and one of Harry’s huge t-shirts.

“M’gonna give you a massage,” she tells Harry once they’re both changed, shoving him onto the bed. He chuckles to himself at her weak attempt to manhandle him, but complies easily, settling onto his stomach so that she could straddle his back. She squirts some lotion onto her hands and warms it up between her palms, then rubs it smoothly onto Harry’s broad and muscular back.

“Mm, thank you baby,” he groans. “So good t’me.”

It’s all innocent at first – y/n knows that Harry was stressed out and probably super tense, so she thought giving him a nice massage to work out the knots in his shoulders would be nice. But, of course, with Harry shirtless underneath her, it’s hard for her thoughts to stay completely pure.

Harry’s so strong and muscled… it’s so hot. He feels firm underneath her hands, her palms smoothing over the ridges and curves of the muscles in his toned back. His shoulders are broad and his biceps look huge, even without being flexed or anything. The skin of his back is warm and smooth… so soft and tan. Her mouth waters as she rubs her hands up and down his back.

Her fingers find his shoulders and she kneads them deeply, which makes Harry let out a loud groan. His shoulders are particularly tense, and her little fingers are rubbing the tight knots in them so nicely. “Harder baby,” he grunts, and she obliges. Her thumbs dig deep into the meat of his shoulders and rub in slow, painful circles.

She uses all her strength to massage him. He’s so built, every inch of his back covered with hard muscles, that it takes a lot of energy to really get in there. She has to put her entire weight into her hands and press deep onto his back. Luckily, the lotion made it easy for her to glide over his skin and knead his sore muscles. The groans that he lets out tell her which spots to focus on.

His eyes are shut, eyebrows furrowed with pleasure. It hurts so good. His cock has started to plump up a bit, twitching every time her delicate fingers knead a particularly painful knot in his back. She keeps rubbing him, digging her fingers into his muscles, and the pressure in his cock grows unbearable.

He flips himself around, unable to deal with it any longer. Y/n gasps at his sudden movement, then finds herself short of breath when she settles herself back down on his lap and feels how hard he is underneath her. Straddling his hips in nothing but her little, thin pair of sleep shorts, she can feel him… feels the curve of his cock, restrained in his boxers, and feels the ridge of his tip nudging against her clit. She’s sure that he can probably feel her pussy too, feel every fold and the tiny bud of her clit.

He smirks up at her when her little pussy flutters around nothing, twitching so delicately against his clothed cock. Her center feels hot, keeping him warm while she sits prettily atop him. “Keep going baby…” he says, voice low and dangerous. “M’arms hurt so much, can you rub ‘em for me?”

He pouts up at her, but it’s a mocking pout. He knows exactly what she’s thinking about, and it’s much more filthy than his innocent request for an arm massage.

Nonetheless, she squirts some more lotion on her hands and brings them down to his strong biceps. He’d been to the gym yesterday for arms, so he wasn’t lying when he said they were sore. But also, that means they’re particularly pumped today, firm and delicious… y/n just wants to bite them.

His hands rest on her hips while she rubs her palms up and down his arms, his thumbs tracing soft circles onto the skin of thigh where her shorts have ridden up. She looks like she’s intently focused on rubbing his arms, but really, she can’t stop thinking about the way his cock feels underneath her. He subtly grips her hips and presses her down harder onto the hard bulge in his pants, and lets out a strained breath through his nose. Y/n similarly feels her breath catch in her throat, her hands pausing momentarily as she flutters her eyes shut.

“Feels so good baby,” he murmurs when her hands migrate up to massage his chest, rubbing circles over his swallows and tracing over his butterfly delicately. It’s a not-so subtle innuendo to fuel the fire of the sexual tension burning between the two of them right now.

The hands on her hips start to slide upwards, under her shirt to rest on her warm tummy. He can see the soft peaks of her nipples poking through the shirt she’s wearing. “Baby… show me y’pretty tits, please?” he begs. He slides his hands even higher until his fingers graze the undersides of her breasts. “Had such a long day, I deserve a treat don’ I?”

“Y-yeah,” she agrees softly, taking her shirt off and throwing it onto the floor. She’s left topless, her perky nipple peaking in the cold air of Harry’s bedroom, and her wet pussy pressed firmly to his hard cock.

She continues rubbing his chest with her tits out, and Harry takes it upon himself to do the same to her. He plays with her tits, holds them in his palms and rubs his thumbs over her hard nipples. Still, it’s not enough.

“Come closer, baby,” he murmurs lowly, guiding her forward. She inches forward slowly, back arching while holding herself up with her arms, until her boobs are hanging in front of Harry’s face.

He sticks his tongue out and leans up, attaching himself to her nipple and sucking it into his mouth gently. His tongue licks the soft bud gently, and he hums happily. “Mmm, baby, so nice to me,” he mutters, switching to her other nipple, “Lettin’ daddy play with your pretty tits ‘cos I had a long day.” Hand engulfs the breast that he’d just hand in his mouth, palming it gently while his tongue plays with the other. His teeth skim her soft skin gently, and he starts sucking. Each purse of his lip and pass of his tongue sends a shock straight down to y/n’s center, and she’s absolutely, totally drenched. Her heart is beating erratically in her chest, and she can’t help herself before grinding herself down.

Since she’s lifted herself up to align her tits with Harry’s face, she’s no longer sitting on his bulge, but instead now sitting on the butterfly painted on his abdomen. She presses herself onto his abs, soothing the dull ache that comes each time he hums around her breast.

Her boobs are so plump and plushy, dangling in front of his mouth and covered in his spit. His hands grope her chest sensually, pushing her breasts into his face and letting himself indulge like a teenage boy. He lets them bounce on his face, skimming his lips against them then pulling himself back, teasing himself. He nudges his nose against them, and they jiggle prettily right in front of his face. God, he’s making himself so hard, playing with her tits like this, having them all up in his face. All he can see is her skin, the roundness of her breasts, the soft bud of her nipples. No matter which way he turns his head, he makes contact with her, her nipples skimming his cheeks or his lips dancing against her sideboob.

“Jus-” she gasps when he takes her boob back between his lips and sucks, tongue curling around her nipple, “Jus’ wanna make you happy daddy.”

“Doing so good baby, taking caring of me so well,” he murmurs, barely moving his lips from her skin before reattaching to her areola. “You know what would make daddy so happy?”

“W-what?” she whimpers, pushing her clit down against his hard abs.

“If you got on my cock and got yourself off. Could you do that for me, puppy?”

She nods eagerly and shuffles herself down, shoving Harry’s briefs down. His cock bounces up and slaps against his stomach, the tip completely slick with his own precum and arousal. She doesn’t even bother warming herself or Harry up – the massage and his little play session had gotten both of them 100% ready.

She doesn’t take her sleep shorts off, genuinely too excited to stuff herself full of his cock. Grabbing him by the shaft, she hovers right over his hips and slowly guides him into her dripping cunt. The slide in is easy, absolutely no resistance from how wet she is, and she’s able to bottom out on the first go.

Her hands rest on his chest to support herself, and she starts to lift her hips, up and down, skin meeting skin with every drop down. Her nails dig into his flesh, and it hurts just as good as her massage had. She’s riding him like she never has before – usually she’s a bit of a princess, mostly grinding her clit down and rubbing herself on his cock slowly until her thighs start to burn and she whines for Harry to take over.

Now though, with the way he’d teased her all nice, she’s bouncing on his cock properly, using all her strength to pull herself all the way up, then drop back down. She sets a messy pace for herself, but it doesn’t matter. He’s hitting all the right spots in her, and that’s all she care about.

Harry lies on his back in bliss, her pussy absolute heaven around his cock. Her messy pace and high bounces have her tits jiggling, and Harry pushes himself up onto his elbows to get a better view. “Fuck, puppy, you’re an angel.”

He brings a hand down to rub her at her clit, fingers rubbing tight circles as she grinds herself on him. “Gonna cum baby,” he groans, “Are you close?”

She whines out, and nods messily, eyes shut as she keeps herself going.

Harry throws his head back, and shuts his eyes, rubbing her clit faster and faster until she’s cumming, clenching around his cock and squeezing him so tightly. His vision goes white his ears start to ring, and he’s in absolute heaven.

Y/n collapses onto his chest, and he spurts out long streaks of cum into her warm pussy, balls clenching with every release and his hips twitching upwards, trying to get as deep into her as he possibly can. She lays on top of him heavily, breathing hard with rosy cheeks and a glistening forehead from how hard she’d worked to get them both to their end.

He pulls her up for a kiss. What had he even been stressed about, again?

+++

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#harry smut #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry fic #harry writing #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #daddy harry #daddy!harry #daddy!harrystyles #harry styles daddy #dom harry #dom!harry

2K notes · View notes

fuckmyskywalker · 4 months

Text

❄️ 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟔𝐭𝐡 : 𝐇𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 - 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡!𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐤𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫.

— CW: 18+. Smut. PiV. Age gap. Dirty talk. | Word count 0.6k (not proofread!)

— Anyafest + Taglist!

“I didn’t ask for your goddamned opinion, didn't I?” Anakin grunts, pushing your face against the worn out cushions of the couch. “When you have children of your own, you'll know how much of a pain in the ass they are.”

He slaps your ass, groping your hips to raise it higher. The position pushes his cock deep enough so you think he is rearranging your guts— maybe even making room for that child he always threatens to put in you. Anakin always says how you would—will be a wonderful mother.

“Sorry,” You choke, not sure if you want to crawl away from him or press your body closer to his. “I’m sorry— I’m sorry!”

He slaps your ass again, tightening his hold on your head. It doesn't matter how good it feels to have his cock squeezed by your tight, slick walls. You simply cannot seem to shut the fuck up— which only makes his headache worse. His head—along with his cock— throbs painfully.

The wisest thing would be to cut off the alcohol, but everyone knows Anakin is just as physically unable to stop drinking as he is to be a responsible father.

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” Anakin growls, cutting your airflow with his big hand. “I come home from spending the night with my stupid family, had to listen— fuck— my daughter yelled at me for hours, had to see my princess with her new fucking boyfriend, and now I have to listen to your damn sobbing?” His hips speed up, slamming his thighs against your ass with thrusts that punch the air out of your lungs. “Thought you wanted to be good for me, whore.”

“I do!” You object, twisting your neck to both breath and speak. “I just want to be good.”

Sure, this wasn't supposed to be the way you thought you'd spend the morning after Christmas, but something about being used as a stress reliever helps to soothe your need for validation and affection. You are happy to bring something positive to your boyfriend’s shitty life.

Your body tenses and Anakin groans louder, his raw, deep voice making you moan again. He isn't loud when it comes to sex but he sure likes to run that filthy mouth of his.

“Fucking brat, you might as well be my daughter too if you are going to try and boss me around.”

“Everyone was talking shit ‘bout you too— guess they don’t like seeing Daddy happy.” You make him happy. Oh how lovely that makes you feel.

“You are getting so fucking tight, God— you like to be used like a ragdoll? My precious toy to fill with cum?”

You do. You sure do.

The couch moves violently as he bullies your poor pussy, and you are sure the damn trailer is moving too, anyone who walks by could figure out what's happening in the inside, and Anakin doesn't bother to close the ripped curtains. The armrest of the couch hits the small table next to Anakin’s back, making it stagger and causing the mug of— now cold— coffee you brewed this morning to ease his hungover to fall onto the already dirty rug. The noise makes Anakin groan annoyed, slapping your ass again as if it was your fault.

“See what you do with all your fucking squirming?” He scolds you the way someone would talk to a child. “I should make you clean it with your tongue.”

You want to apologize, he already has much on his plate, right? You are supposed to make his life easier but there you go just stressing him more. Mindless apologies and «I’m sorry» mumbles fall down your lips, followed by a string of drool.

“You'll be sorry when I'm done with you.”

#𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 anya writes!#𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 anyafest 2023!#trailer trash!anakin #trailer trash!anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker fic #anakin skywalker imagines #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker fan fiction #anakin skywalker fanfic #anakin skywalker fanfiction #anakin skywalker one shot #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x reader smut #anakin smut #anakin x reader

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helpimstuckposting · 8 months

Text

I’m a ghost and you are a shadow

—

Ever since the Upside-down and Vecna and the world going to shit, Steve’s spent a lot of time roaming the bars inside and out of Hawkins. Once he’d finished with his dad’s liquor cabinet and the only liquor store in town stopped selling to him, he started being a regular at multiple establishments.

It was hard, after losing Max and El and Will and others Steve couldn’t think about without ripping open the wounds again. The portals were all closed, but at what cost? The world was technically saved, but Steve’s was a wreck. The metaphorical wounds were still ripped up and bleeding, fresh holes that would never quite stitch themselves over and heal.

His parents never came back, and he couldn’t even blame them, it’s not like he expected to be worth it to them. He was an adult now, on his own, there was no need for them to come back and pick him up. Honestly, he never wanted to see them again, didn’t really even know who they were. Steve had lived with practical strangers his whole life, made a semblance of family from skin and bone, and had it all ripped away from him.

Steve Harrington was always meant to be alone.

So he drank, went back to King Steve’s routes, used the alcohol to ground him while his mind drifted away to heaven or hell or wherever. It didn’t matter, because Steve never remembered the night before. The nightmares melted with the sunrise, the tremors and gasps, and flooding eyes gave way to cotton mouth and hunger in the daylight, and the blinding sun made it easier to forget all the bad things. Easier, but altogether impossible none the less.

So Steve didn’t quite remember how he ended up in the woods behind his house, dead leaves tangled in his hair and a particularly sharp twig shoved into his spine. He groaned against the sunlight blinding him through the branches and dug the stick out from under him, standing up on wobbling legs to trudge back inside. It wasn’t uncommon to find himself on his porch or lying in an old and tattered lounge chair, or even on a park bench some times. He wandered a lot. There was nothing else to do.

He still had money in his trust fund, still had his parents house to stay in, it wasn’t like anyone was knocking on his door to put him back together. Eddie was somewhere, in another state or wherever he ran off to. Again, Steve couldn’t blame him, either. Wayne wasn’t here anymore, there was no reason for Eddie to stay after everything. There wasn’t any reason for Steve to stay, but there wasn’t anywhere for him to go, either.

So he stayed. So he drank. So he blacked out and woke up outside sometimes.

He rested against a tree for a minute, trying to gain his bearings and see past the blinding sunlight, rubbing circles into his eyes until he saw sparks of white behind his eyelids. He was probably a mess, probably looked half dead, hadn’t been able to look into a mirror in months.

Blinking out into his backyard, he could see a bit better now but the world still wobbled on its axis just a bit. It would probably be another half hour until he was sober enough to see straight, but he wasn’t going to stay in the burning sun for that. He trekked across the dead grass of his yard, using passing lawn chairs and tables as crutches to make the distance more bearable, ignored the memories pressing at the edges of his mind and embraced the pain in his head to push the thoughts away.

The house seemed a bit cleaner on the inside than he last remembered, but he couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t remember the last time he cleaned, but he couldn’t remember much of anything these days. That was the point, after all.

Steve rounded the hallway into the open arch of the kitchen entry — hoping he had some cereal left in the pantry somewhere, not brave enough to handle the stares and whispers he’d get at the diner or grocery store — when he was roughly slammed against the kitchen wall. His head swam with the abrupt movement, stomach churning uncomfortably. He blinked against the sudden impact, feeling one of his own kitchen knives at his throat; pressing, but not digging, a warning. The knife wobbled slightly before the grip righted, pressing just a bit stronger than before, a threat.

Steve opened his eyes, trying to get his brain back online in his hazy state. Putting the pieces together slowly. Brown hair. Curly. Angry eyes. A set grimace on his lips. Eddie Munson. The last time Eddie Munson had a sharp object to his neck, Steve was pinned to the wall of Reefer Rick’s boat house. Now, pinned to the wall of his own kitchen, Steve couldn’t pull his eyes away, couldn’t fathom what Eddie would be doing here, either.

“Eddie? What the fuck are you doing in my house?” He asked, pushing through the uncomfortable cotton mouth and stale alcohol taste on his tongue.

Eddie just stared at him, the hand fisted into Steve’s shirt tightening. He winced.

“Seriously dude, what are you doing?” Was he still asleep outside? Was he ever outside? What the hell did he drink last night?

Eddie kept staring, glaring, like Steve did something wrong again. Steve always did something wrong, he just couldn’t figure out what. The grip on his shirt tightened again, pinching Steve’s chest and clearing his head just a bit more. Definitely not a dream.

“Who are you?” Eddie growled out, shoving Steve harder into the wall.

Steve blinked. What? That was not the question Steve was expecting. Not that he was expecting any of this, really.

“Who. Are. You?” Eddie repeated.

“Steve. Harring-ton?” Steve replied, following the other man’s cadence, words dripping with confusion.

Eddie’s glare tightened like his grip, knife digging into his throat just a bit more. He was sure his brain should be screaming danger, danger, danger, but the fact that it was Eddie standing in front of him was throwing him way off kilter.

“Seriously, Eddie, what’s going on?” Steve begged, unsure if the confusion muddling his brain was because of the alcohol, lack of any decent nutrition for the past few months, or something else. Did he seriously miss something so big that had Eddie up in arms like this? He couldn’t possibly look so bad he was unrecognizable.

“Is this some kind of trick from Vecna? Hm? What are you?”

“Eddie, man, I seriously have no clue what you’re talking about!” Steve’s voice was gaining a more hysterical edge at this point, but it had no effect on Eddie what-so-ever. “I am so not sober enough for this, just tell me what’s going on!”

“Steve Harrington is dead!” Eddie yelled in his face, “Steve Harrington is dead, so what the fuck are you?”

—

If y’all have world building questions pls ask in the replies because maybe it’ll get me somewhere near a plot. Anyway, please enjoy sad lonely Steve

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tempestuous-lush · 1 year

Text

alive

summary: Daryl finds you not too long after you get to Alexandria, ankle caught in a bear trap. What happens after is something he least expected. But, he welcomes it.

warnings: violence, mention of sexual assault, open wound, unprotected sex, creampie, cunnilingus, blowjob

misc: I pulled an old Daryl fic and did some editing just so @ambassadortotrilliusprime could have this. After learning her love of Daryl, I couldn't NOT share it. If it's liked, maybe I'll share more from the archives.

You were studying the man who was cleaning your wound, his sharp eyes focused on the blood coming from your ankle. He huffed a bit as you winced, “Had to step into a bear trap, huh?”

Daryl looked into your eyes when you asked a question, “Would you have preferred I step on a snake?”

“Depends on what kind of snake we’re talkin’ girlie...” Daryl muttered under his breath as he poured some of his water on your leg to see just what he was working with, your boot cast to the side. He grimaced when he could see better, “...because this, it ain’t looking too good. Where’d you come from anyway?”

You looked away towards the ground where your blood was collecting, swallowing thickly, “Does it matter, anymore? There’s nothing left anyway. It’s all gone. Hell, you could just leave me here to bleed out, maybe a walker finds me, who knows. But I’m not afraid of death. Not anymore. Turn away and leave me here. It’s fine.” Your voice sounded so hollow. Empty. There was pain there that had since given way to no longer caring. And while you had no real interest in living anymore, Daryl had no interest in anyone dying either. Not after Beth. Especially not someone who looked like you: small, alone, and your eyes? When they looked at him he could feel a warmth in his chest…a breath of life almost.

“The hell it is…” Daryl said nothing else as he tied his handkerchief tightly around your calf as a tourniquet before putting his crossbow back in place and bending down to scoop you up. There was no protest from you either. Instead, to his worry, your head rested against him and those eyes slowly shut. Daryl picked up his pace as he simply muttered, “Shit. Stay with me, girlie.”

You faded out as you felt the terrain shift below Daryl’s feet, your sheer exhaustion catching up to you. It wasn’t until your eyes flickered open that a sense of worry washed over you. You looked over your surroundings. It looked to be a…house, of some sort? A makeshift infirmary? Immediately you searched for a weapon of some sort. Eyes landed upon a scalpel. Perfect. Swiping it, you made to move, and pain shot through your leg. Immediately swallowing the sounds of pain you looked around and spotted a crutch across the room. Fuck. You pushed yourself up and braced yourself against the wall, making your way slowly to the crutch until you were able to grab hold of it.

Able to move easier, you opened the door and slipped out, the bright light of the sun and the sounds of people making your head to spin until your senses realigned and you realized you were in the middle of a community. A community of people.

People were more of a threat than anything. Memories came back to the surface of your mind, your family being slaughtered by another group. The cries of your sister echoing through the woods as she was terrorized first. The only reason you weren’t found was because the idiots didn’t think to look up, and you had always been good at scaling trees. They knew you were out there, but after a while they gave up. By the time you reunited with your family, they were piled up…meat missing from their bones like butchered livestock.

You quickly slipped away, finding refuge in a quiet corner of the community.

Cautious, you tested a basement window and found it to be open.

Luckily, you and your family had been rationing so you were thin enough to slip through, pulling the crutch down with you and cursing as you landed on your ass, muffling the sound of your pain as best as possible. You looked around. Perhaps this house was unused? Everything around you was coated with dust. You locked the basement door shut before going to a chair in the corner, reluctantly drifting off while clinging to the scalpel like a lifeline.

Meanwhile, Daryl had walked into the infirmary to come and check on you. When his eyes fell on the empty bed you were originally occupying, seeing it empty, he sighed and huffed, “Jesus, girlie.”

Following your tracks was easy enough for him. You had managed to go to one of the abandoned houses and dropped into the basement window. Laying on the ground he peeked inside and found you in a chair in the corner. He saw a glint of metal in your hand. Was it a scalpel? Pushing himself up and dusting off his hands on his jeans he couldn’t help but admire you a little. You were resourceful. Though, he was shocked. For someone so accepting of death earlier you were just as quick to escape. His sharp eyes looked at the ground before looking up at the sky, rubbing his chin. What had happened to you that you were so untrusting of people?

He quietly walked through the house and made his way down to the basement. He wasn’t surprised to find the door locked. Dropping to his knees he set to work and quickly opened the door. As he stepped through and looked to his left, he realized you weren’t in the chair anymore. He cursed silently that this room had so much damn furniture to hide behind. Daryl called out, trying to let you know he wasn’t a threat, “Listen girlie, I ain’t gonna do a thing to ya.”

You watched as he walked by and you lunged from your hiding spot, taking a swing at him with the scalpel. Daryl dodged and you fell to the floor. He kicked the scalpel away from you before pinning you to the ground with his body. You cried out and tried to free yourself, kicking out with your good leg as you threw punches at him. Daryl pinned your hands to the ground and spoke calmly still, “Hey, I ain’t gonna hurt ya but you’re gonna go and hurt your damn self. Now relax.”

It was only then that you realized it was the same one who had found you in the forest, stuck in that damn bear trap. You had made peace with yourself. You were ready to die. And he came along, literally pulling you back into life. Your eyesight became blurry as a sob escaped you. Your cries racked your body and Daryl let go of your hands, clambering off of your frail body as you continued crying. Your voice sounded so full of anguish as you asked, “Why couldn’t you just leave me there to die?”

Daryl’s eyes did not waver from you as he scooped you up, “Because there’s been enough people dying that don’t deserve it. Now come on, let’s get you back in bed, girlie.”

A week passes, and having met the people of Alexandria, you realize that there isn’t anyone like what you’ve experienced in the natural world. However, you wanted to be out of this makeshift medical unit. They didn’t trust you enough to let you freely roam though. You could tell that much. Not that you could roam, not with your foot. Yet, Daryl came by to visit you, “Lookin’ better girlie. It looks like you’ve been eatin’ then, yeah?”

It was like that statement alone summoned food.

Denise had come by with food. A plate with grits and some sort of meat. Squirrel, maybe? You smiled a thanks as Dr. Anderson came to check on your ankle. As he changed the gauze you cleared your throat and looked at Daryl, those sharpened eyes already trained on you, “I’m going to guess you’re the one the squirrel meat came from, aren’t you Daryl?” You went to take a bite as you asked, “That’s what you were doing out there, when you found me, isn’t it?”

Daryl’s eyes lingered on you as huffed, “Been watchin’ me to figure that out, huh girlie?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yeah, your food came partly from me. What of it?”

He looked at you in a way that was suspicious. The fact that he seemed suspicious made you laugh. You couldn’t help it. It was a soft laugh, full of warmth in its genuinity. Daryl’s eyes glanced down at the floor. Just like your eyes that day in the woods and every day since, he felt that warmth blossom in his chest. When your laughter quieted, your voice came out unsure, “Nothing, just…thanks.”

“S’nothin’ just a squirrel.”

Daryl didn’t look at you and you muttered, “Doesn’t get told thank you often, got it.”

“You know Daryl, I’ve been thinking”- his eyes snapped right back to you -”I just, I know that I’m not exactly trusted yet. And I get it. But I’m dying inside of these four walls after being outside for so long, so…I was thinking maybe, maybe I could, um, nevermind.”

“Nah, what were you gonna say?” Daryl was quick to ask in response, curious about what the question was that was on your mind.

Your eyes met his and you looked away, the intensity of them making you nervous. Taking another bite, you tried again despite sounding very unsure of yourself, “I was thinking that maybe…I could…stay, stay with”- your eyes found his and the last word barely escaped your lips -”you”.

“Yeah”- Daryl’s tongue ran across his lower lip before he huffed -”okay, girlie.”

A single syllable managed to escape you, “Kay.”

True to his word, Daryl left to go and ask Rick about it. Rick looked at him with disbelief before adding, “Alright Daryl, but you keep an eye on her. You’re responsible.”

Daryl came back for you. When you moved to stand on the crutch, Daryl commented about you taking too long that way and picked you up once again. Denise picked up your few personal items along with the crutch and followed behind, commenting on how she was happy you’d be more like a part of the community and not a prisoner. Daryl huffed, “She ain’t like a prisoner. Wouldn’t let her be.”

“So if I wanted to leave, you’d let me then?”

Daryl came to a stop and looked at you, face inches from yours, “If I go with you.”

He couldn’t explain it, the effect you were having on him. A moment of silence passed between the two of you, a look of uncertainty on your face he couldn’t quite read. That first day in the woods he wasn’t sure if what he felt was real, or if the gravity of finding someone as seemingly gentle as Beth had some sort of effect on him, but every day for the past week he had visited you and that feeling grew. You were a salve for the pain he felt. Apart from that he wasn’t sure. He just knew he wanted you within his proximity. Daryl cleared his throat and continued onwards to the small home that he was assigned to recently upon request. He didn’t want to be near anyone, not with the thoughts running through his mind.

Not that he spent much time there recently, anyway.

Only once you were both inside, Denise coming through the door behind, did he let you down. He pointed down a hall, “There’s a bedroom down there you can have. If you want to go outside…let me know, yeah?”

“Alright then.” You pushed yourself up and grabbed the crutch from Denise before commenting, “I’d like to go outside if it’s alright with you? What do ya say Daryl? Some sunshine sounds good to me.”

A few weeks had gone by and yet, here you and Daryl were, still walking side by side around the usual time. Every so often you’d look over at Daryl to study him. He liked to walk in silence, which was fine by you. You were still trying to get a read on him, really. Yet, he was doing the exact same to you.

However, he stopped in his tracks as you asked a question you had been wanting to and finally let slip into the open air, “You lost someone recently, didn’t you? Different from most.” You quickly added on, “I recognize it, that heaviness. I’ve felt it. Plus, you talk in your sleep. I can hear you…from the bed when you’re on the couch. Every now and then you say loud enough to hear one name. Beth.”

“S’nothing.”

“Daryl, it doesn’t…it doesn’t sound like nothing, you know.”

His voice snapped a bit, “Well, act like it is then, yeah girlie!?”

You looked down at the ground, “Yeah, yeah…okay.”

Daryl immediately regretted it. Both of you stood there, not sure how to proceed. It wasn’t just silence now between you. You were embarrassed. He was ashamed. You went to start walking and he grabbed hold of your hand to stop you, “Sorry. It’s just, it’s still fresh.”

“Well, so is hiding while my sister gets raped and my family gets murdered but you don’t see m”-

Your words died on your lips at the realization of what you just told him. The anger on your face was palpable. Suddenly it made so much more sense to Daryl, how you were wanting to die when he found you. You lost the only thing you knew, the only thing left that might matter in this world: your family. Your anger was wavering to tears threatening to spill. Daryl paused before deciding on, “I’m sorr”-

Before you could stop yourself, your body was acting on instinct and you threw your right fist clean across his face. You were shaking your hand and storming off as best you could by the time he looked up. Rubbing his jaw, a huff escaped him. He suddenly saw why you lasted as long as you did. There was a fire inside of you that just surfaced, but there was no way it wasn’t there before. He followed your trail like a puppy though all the way back to his house, where you slammed the door shut before he could walk inside. Oh, you are definitely not wanting to talk, then.

Two more weeks went by. He would try to talk to you and you would nod and say nothing, consumed by some book Denise gave you. Though, it wasn’t that you weren’t wanting to talk. You just…weren't sure how. Saying it, you somehow made the thoughts the only thing you saw when you closed your eyes, when you took a shaky breath in the memory of the adrenaline coursed through your veins. How were you supposed to talk to anyone about anything? Instead, you were retreating inside of your own mind. A dangerous place to go, when it’s filled with such trauma. Suddenly a pair of boots hit the couch next to you and Daryl threw his crossbow over his shoulder, “C’mon. I’m taking you huntin’ with me.”

“Not interested.”

Daryl grabbed the book from your hand and threw it, “Weren’t reading it anyway. Been stuck on the same page for the past hour. Now put the boots on. You're gonna come with me.”

Biting your lip, you grabbed the boots and pulled them on, “How’d you know what size I wore?”

“Girlie, we’re under the same roof.”

The two of you were roughly a mile out of Alexandria, and you felt at ease more than you had before. What you didn’t realize was that Daryl felt the same way as you. As you walked through a creek bed he came to a stop on the other side, “She was someone important to me, someone I was responsible for…and” - you stopped in your tracks - “I lost her. Failed her. Shot in the head. And, I see it every time I close my eyes. So, yeah, I talk in my sleep. Because I sure as hell don’t talk about it when I’m awake.”

You lifted your head up to look at the canopy of trees above you. It was a beautiful day. Everything was like the day it all happened, but the weather had been colder. You took a deep breath in of fresh air before deciding you should return the gesture, “My family and I were foraging. We had a base camp set up a few miles off. I separated, following tracks. Thought I could get some fresh meat. Next thing I know, I hear screams. My mother. I hear my father shout, and at this point I’m running full speed. By the time I get there, they are holding my sister with a knife to her throat. On instinct, I climbed up. I watched as they…used her. Then, when they were done they slit her throat, only then killing my dad. Next, they” - you hit your forehead in frustration, as if trying to physically take the memories out - “they carved them up, taking the meat from their bones for…sustenance. Like they were cattle. And I just…watched. Too scared to move. To act. I stayed there for days, hiding among the limbs, scared they weren’t gone. Scared they were still looking for me.”

Daryl chimed in, “S’not your fault. And what would you have done? They overpowered your family, just you wouldn’t have made a hell of a difference.”

“You don’t know me.”

Daryl’s breath caught as you turned to face him, the determination on your face giving him a pretty good idea of just who you were, “No, but I’m starting to. Slowly.”

Later that night, you were asleep in the bed and Daryl on the couch.

You were startled awake by screaming. At first, it was in your nightmares. The sound of your sister screaming and pleading. But then? You had woken up and realized the screams were coming from the house. Quickly, you got out of bed and stumbled to the living room to see Daryl thrashing on the couch. You made your way to him as quickly as possible to lean over him, arm braced on the back of the couch. You tried to whisper, “Daryl?”

His mouth parted and he whimpered, “Beth…m’sorry.”

“Daryl”- you placed a hand on his forehead to push some hair from his face - “you’ve got to wake up. You’re having a bad d” -

Daryl woke up and in an instant, he had you pinned on the ground beneath him with his knife pressed to your throat. His eyes were wild. Then, they focused on you and realized what had happened, “Shit, m’sorry girlie.”

He dropped the knife beside you and slowly got up, “M’sorry.”

His eyes fell on you.

Almost instantly he looked away, giving his hand to help you up. The moonlight filtering through the window highlighted everything you wore, and everything you didn’t. Daryl swallowed as he felt your hand take his. Once you were standing, you didn’t let go of his hand. Instead, you walked towards the bedroom, tugging on his hand when he didn’t follow you. You cleared your throat, “Daryl?”

He chanced to look at you in that oversized thin cotton t-shirt and he felt his breathing go erratic, “Yeah?”

“I was thinking maybe…maybe” - his sharp eyes watched you patiently - “we’d get better sleep if we shared a bed. You know, a security of sorts. Wouldn’t feel alone with our nightmares. Or some sort of poetic bullshit.” On that last note your voice broke into laughter and it caught Daryl off guard.

His eyes flickered to your hand still in his as he mulled over your proposition. He cleared his throat, suddenly finding it difficult to use words, “Yeah…yeah, alright.”

Daryl sat on the far side of the bed, taking off his boots as you made your way around to him. You stopped in front of him and he slowly looked up at you. Daryl was transfixed. His throat ran dry though as you slowly lifted the t-shirt over your head and suddenly, you were standing before him in nothing more than a pair of gray cotton underwear. You reached for his hand and guided it to the curve of your hip, your soft voice calling to him, “I want to feel something other than pain, Daryl…and I’m willing to bet that you do, as well.”

You leaned down and kissed him, whispering with a broken voice, “I want to feel alive.”

With that, Daryl’s free hand moved to the back of your neck, holding you as his lips fell on yours again. He surprised you as he once again flipped you. This time, however, it was onto the bed and he hovered over you. His fingertips ran down the center of your chest before he kneaded into the soft flesh of your breast. A sigh of pleasure escaped your lips and Daryl paused, “You sure now, girlie?”

Daryl watched as you bit your lip before nodding, “Yes, Daryl.”

His hands continued downward. He admired the feel of your soft skin beneath the thick calluses of his fingertips. You were a vision. He wondered if he closed his eyes, would you disappear? His lips and tongue chased the trail of his fingertips, leaving a wave of fire in his tracks. By the time he made it to the hem of your underwear you were panting in need and a ghost of a smile was on Daryl’s lips as he saw the dampness of your arousal on the fabric. Hooking his thumbs on either side, he pulled them down your legs, gravity causing them to fall open.

Daryl spent very little time looking at you. Instead, he fell on his knees and hooked his arms under either of your legs, tugging you to the edge of the bed, “You wanna feel alive girlie?”

As you opened your mouth to answer, his tongue delved into your folds before traveling up towards your clit, causing your answer to die and one guttural moan to fall from your lips instead. Daryl matched your moan as he savored the taste of you. Your hands immediately found his hair and held him there as your hips bucked up to him naturally. His arms were still wrapped around your legs and Daryl used that to hold you still. As his tongue worked your clit, you felt yourself approaching a feeling you hadn’t felt in so long. Your hands clenched onto the bed sheet as you cried from how exquisite you were feeling, “Please, Daryl…I- I’m cummi- oh god.”

He rubbed your thighs as you came down from your high. Daryl thought you might be satisfied until you whispered three small words, “I need more.”

Your words caused his hands to still, “Are you…are you sure?”

As he stood up, rubbing his jaw, you sat up and hastily freed his cock from his jeans. You leaned forward and took him into your mouth with the taste of his precum on your tongue. At the same time Daryl shuddered under your touch. This was something he hadn’t felt in a long time. His head hung back as his eyes closed in bliss, “Jesus. That’s it.”

You took as much of him as you could without gagging, humming so he could feel the extra sensation of it. As you went to pull back it was Daryl’s turn to grab you by the hair and hold you in place. He rocked his hips to test you, and when you started gagging he pulled you off of him. Trails of spit kept you connected though. And then he nodded, “Lay back for me.”

Daryl climbed on the bed and nestled himself between your legs before pulling his shirt off. His eyes didn’t leave yours as he slid inside of you, both of you moaning as he bottomed out inside of you and your hands found his triceps. As he thrust into you again, he huffed, “Yer beautiful. With a” - he thrust inside of you again - “cunt that feels like” - again he bottomed out and you cried out for him - “heaven. I’ma start calling you angel, girlie.”

The two of you were slick with sweat and the sounds escaping you were unabashedly loud. Daryl doubled his efforts to get you to cum on his cock before he found his own release. He leaned back to look down at where he was buried inside of you and christ, he almost came right there. His thumb found your clit as he continued driving into you. You were this close to losing yourself and that is what sent you over the edge. Your words were incoherent as you came around him, your cum leaking out each time he pulled back to soak the sheet beneath you just that much more. As you regained sense, Daryl leaned down and kissed you deeply.

You returned it, which he wasn’t expecting, and the action had him cumming deep inside of you.

Daryl stilled and turned you to look at him with your chin between his thumb and finger, “Feelin’ alive yet, angel?”

You looked at him with a soft smile, “Absolutely.”

“Good, now” - Daryl rolled to the side, pulling you towards him - “let’s both get sleep.”

#daryl dixion imagine #daryl dixon x you #no y/n #daryl dixon smut

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andhumanslovedstories · 5 months

Note

I’m looking for a second career after working corporate. I’d like something away from a computer, workin with people, in demand, and more flexible. I do have some autistic traits though (one therapist floated it but never officially diagnosed). Do you think nursing would be a bad choice?

Here's a useless answer: it depends! I'll also give my usual caveat that nursing is a very broad field and a school nurse versus a dialysis nurse versus an ICU nurse versus a home health nurse vs a community health nurse are all going to have different experiences. You'll probably spend more time at a computer than you might like (documenting......), but if you get efficient at it, you can blast through it alright. Except when you can't.

And you will work with people! In any part of nursing, you'll be working with people, often in intimate and vulnerable ways. You meet a lot of cool people and get to be there for a lot of cool moments, cool and funny and profound moments. Working with people when they aren't at their best can be exhausting. Working with people when they aren't at their best and also you're understaffed and also someone is complaining of new onset chest pain at the same time someone else is calling to be cleaned up because they've been incontinent--it's really easy to exhaust yourself out of compassion. You have to care and actively engage with people's often tragic situations, but you also have to protect yourself from secondhand trauma. It's okay if this is not something you're comfortable or good with, but if so, you should probably think critically about whether nursing is for you.

And flexible--maybe??? Again, different jobs will have different perks. A lot of nurses work prn which means they have to pick up a certain number of shifts a month, but they aren't on the schedule normally. You just pick up as you want. Very flexible! But also a lot of these nurses are getting their healthcare elsewhere, usually a partner. Like any shift work, you can always swap shifts with a coworker if you can find one who'll do it. When I worked in home health, it was very hard to adjust my schedule because there wasn't necessarily another nurse that could fill in. And often units in the hospital will have various schedule stipulations--work every other weekend, work a certain amount of holidays, work night shift until you get the seniority to go to days or become a nocturnal little freak (me). I currently work in float pool, which makes it way easier to call out and adjust schedules because I'm not assigned anywhere specific until like ten minutes before the shift starts.

And with regards to the last bit, the autistic traits, I don't know exactly which ones you mean, but none of them are an inherent obstacle to being a nurse. We need neurodiversity in nursing. Some patients might find you cold or awkward or weird or whatever way you worry you might come across. Other patients will resonate with those exact same traits. No one's the perfect nurse for all people. Some people want to that extra care, some people want competent work and then to have space for themselves, some patients want to learn everything about their situation, some patients don't even want to know what pills they're taking. Think of yourself as a specialty nurse. An oncology nurse can take care of a variety of patients, but they're most well suited and situated to take care of cancer patients. There's a patient type that is a perfect fit for you. And the same way cardiac nurses deal with strokes, and orthopedic nurses deal with respiratory infections, you work competently outside your specialty because you have a good base for your practice, but you also know that you have specialties that you are uniquely equipped to handle. Specialties like cheerleading through physical therapy, calming down dementia patients, knowing the shit out of telemetry, making sure patients get a bed bath and clean sheets, using a machine to pump a patient's blood outside your body--whatever you most like, you're most good at, what gives you energy to work. I think mine are working well with "difficult" patients, managing pain, and stealing cranberry juice from the patient fridge. for me.

I'll say too if you're worried like a lack of empathy or easy understanding of other people will be an impediment to care--I'm not saying I'm autistic, but I don't think I'm particularly empathetic. I NEVER know what people are thinking or feeling. I struggle to tell when patients are like "talk to me more!" versus "I am being polite to you, but please leave." I have never once been comforting a crying person and thought, "I am NAILING this. I am making them feel better." But I don't think I'm a bad nurse. I reverse engineer empathy by finding a situation that I was in that's similar to the situation a patient is in, and I think about what I would have wanted and appreciated in that situation. I think about what evidence says is a good thing to do in this situation. I think about what experience tells me has worked in this situation in the pas. I also just ask patients what they're feeling and what they want and why they do what they do instead of assuming I know. (That last one is so choice, we should all do it more.)

The job puts you in a lot of Situations that are hard for anyone to manage. So you can study up for a lot of Situations. I read conflict resolution books and writing by sick people, I think about how adherent I am to my own treatment plan when I get judgy, I ask patients a lot of questions in part so I can understand them but also so I can understand the next patient like them, I practice difficult conversations I can predict before I go into rooms, and I make sure I have certain phrases and reactions in my back pocket in case I'm caught by surprise. I've figured out my safe topics of conversations that I can chat about with patients that are personable but not intimate (cats, how long you've been in the area, how hard it is to sleep in the hospital at night). I periodically try out new conversation styles and topics to see how those work. I find people I admire and I try consciously to emulate them.

I make a shitload of rules too that help me structure my behavior so I can act like a person I'm proud of. If I can't get something for a patient, I have to go back and tell them that instead of just never returning to the room. Whenever I leave a room, before I go, I make sure the call light is within reach and I ask if there's anything I can do before I go. If someone is sad, ask if they want hot chocolate, and if they say yes, ask if they want it with hot water or milk. If I have a patient that is very chatty and always on the call light, allot conversation time with them like I'm scheduling wound care in case they're lonely. Whenever I tell a patient that they can't do something, I explain the clinical reasoning for that. If the only reason I can think of to tell a patient why they can't do something except "it's against hospital rules", I reconsider the refusal. I've got so many rules and guidelines I've developed for myself so I can best act in a way that I think a good nurse should act.

(usual disclaimer that this does not mean I always accomplish this or that I always behave in a way I'm proud of. but I do think developing these rules and following them makes behaving like I want to more habitual.)

All this to say--I care tremendously about my patients when they're my patients, but I don't take most of them home with me. I feel often feel very distant from the emotions of the situation. I used to feel like I was watching the world through glass. Now I still feel like that, but not in a bad way. I don't get mad when patients yell at me. I can view their problems as quests to solve. I'm engaged but I'm not flustered by distress.

look alllllllllllllllllll that to say is have you considered making nursing a special interest? works for me. oh and YEAH. The job security is AMAZING. It's such a weight off my mind to know that if I don't like my current job, it's so easy to get another somewhere else.

#nursing tag

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allzelemonz · 6 months

Text

Thickness: Bill Williamson X Male Reader

Fictober Prompt: Day 22, Intercrural Sex Pronouns: None Mentioned Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut Warnings: Prior failed sex with injury, mention of blood, a lesson in lubrication, Bill’s thighs getting the attention they deserve, intercrural sex, prepping, aftercare, kissing, hand job, soft sex, fluff Summary: After a painful failed attempt at typical intimacy, Bill has an idea that won’t worsen his injury.

Bill groans as he sits down and you carefully help him lay back on his bedroll.

“Sorry.” You mutter, smiling down at him. “Didn’t mean to hurt you like that, sweetheart.”

Bill pulls you down with him, a hand on your cheek to guide you to a kiss. “Ain’t yer fault, shoulda known it weren’t enough pomade.”

“I’m stretching you out from here on, okay?”

Bill nods. “I ain’t complainin’ there.”

You lean back in to kiss him but pull back when he hisses.

“Shit…” He mutters. “‘m still…”

“I can see that.” You laugh lightly, glancing down at the evident tent in Bill’s pants. “I am too.”

Bill’s face flushes. “I…I got ‘n idea.”

“I’m not fucking you now, Bill-“

“It ain’t that!” He grumbles. “Somethin’ I saw in one a’ them pictures from the fence in Saint Denis.”

“Okay, okay.” You press a kiss to his cheek. “What is it?”

He coughs awkwardly. “Ya, uh… ya use my legs instead.”

Your eyes trail from Bill’s face and down to his thick legs. His thighs strain against his pants even when they’re a size too big. Thick, hairy, and perfect just like the rest of Bill.

“You don’t think it’ll hurt?”

“Not if ya do it from the front.” Bill mutters. “I ain’t made a’ glass.”

“No.” You sigh. “But you do have blood dripping out of you because I was too rough and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“Ya still could fuck me with the blood, I ain’t picky.”

You stare down at him before shaking your head. “Fine. Thighs. I still need pomade or something.”

“Might be some in the box.”

You give Bill a quick kiss before shuffling over to the container Bill usually manages to keep somewhat full of pomade or oil or jelly stuff. At the bottom is a single tin of some jelly you’ve never heard of but it looks like enough. Bill has worked his pants off for the second time tonight, now unbuttoning his shirt and you follow suit until you’re both much more bare than you were in the woods an hour ago.

Bill lays himself on his back, clearly suppressing winces as he shuffles on his ass until he’s comfortable. “‘m ready.”

You almost protest. A couple of blow jobs or a bit of grinding might be easier and more familiar, but seeing Bill’s thighs in front of you makes a shiver of anticipation shoot through your skin. A nude Bill is always quite a sight. He’s usually a little sweaty, hair slicked every which way in its abundance over flushed skin. His extra weight makes him look like he might be a soft man but that only ever tends to be for you. Your eyes trail over him, simply admiring for a moment before you shuffle between Bill’s spread legs.

Instead of your focus being on his ass like usual, you turn your head to look at the inside of his meaty thigh. There are little marks there from the last time you were here, probably just before sucking him off or licking him clean. You dip a few fingers into the tin of jelly and slowly bring it to Bill’s skin. He hisses from the cold contact but settles again easily enough. A glance up shows that he’s watching as you massage his thigh, his face about as red as the straining dick settled on his stomach. You give his other thigh the same treatment, slicking it with jelly until it’s coated enough that your fingers slide over without restraint.

You look up at Bill, giving his knee a gentle squeeze. “On your side, sweetheart.”

Bill nods like he’s in a trace, shifting to lay on his side. You settle in front of him, situating legs to get yourself aligned enough. Bill gets his arms around you, clinging tightly. You smooth out his messed up hair and give him a kiss before shifting your hips. The tip of your dick brushes the crease between Bill’s squished-together thighs and you gasp at the sensation. It’s not unlike the feeling of his ass cheeks, just a little different. You shift again and Bill gives you some room as your dick slides between his thighs, engulfing you as warmly as his ass might. His balls nearly rest on top of your dick and Bill squirms a bit, shifting his legs enough to make you groan.

“Damn you feel good, Bill.” You mutter, idly moving your hips.

“C-Can ya…” He murmurs, face somewhat hidden in your shoulder. “Yer hand.”

You nod lightly, pressing a kiss to his chest. Slowly you rock your hips as your hand comes down to glide over his dick with the help of the jelly left on your skin. Bill moans, stifling what he can now that you're in camp. You give him careful thrusts, still a little weary after nearly tearing him open before, but Bill starts to move with you. He shifts his thighs and your dick feels so perfectly squished and warm that you can’t help pick up the pace. Your hand moves in time, pumping Bill while you give his neck whatever messy kisses you can manage.

Bill cums first, the friction against both his balls and his dick overwhelming him enough to squeeze his thighs together. It feels like clenching during a regular fuck and the tightness makes your breath hitch. Your hand leaves Bill’s softening dick to wander over his hip, squeezing a bit at the skin. A few thrusts later you release, spurting between Bill’s thighs and making the sensation impossibly warmer for a few seconds. You carefully pull away as Bill spreads his legs and rolls onto his back to catch his breath. When you sit up and look down at him you find a much more messy sight than you ever have. Bill’s chest is covered in his cum, nothing new, but his thighs are now a mess of jelly and cum atop flushed skin.

“Jeez, Bill.” You smile, leaning down to kiss him. “You’re a mess.”

Bill glances down at your chest. “So ‘r you.”

A look down reveals a bit of Bill’s cum on you as well. “That rag in your pocket still?”

“Mm-hm.” Bill nods.

You sit up and grab Bill’s discarded pants, looking through the pockets until you find a little rag. With water from your canteen, you clean Bill up. You get the state of his thighs situated, then his chest, then yours, rinsing the rag in between. In the time it takes you to clean up, Bill has nodded off. You toss the rag away, favoring curling up with Bill over dealing with it properly.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #red dead redemption x reader #bill williamson #bill williamson x reader #bill williamson x male reader #red dead redemption x male reader #x reader #x male reader #fictober #kinktober

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metamorphosisff · 9 months

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|Chapter 17| Spread Your Wings

The dark cloud that had been hovering over me had started to dissipate last week around the same time I met with a therapist for the first time. My reaction to Trevor tearing my apartment to shreds did not stop at pulling away from Xavier. The week after I barely went outside out of work and spent hours in bed crying. Crying because one man’s entitlement had upended so much, most importantly the illusion that I was keeping it together. Mari was not having that though and after exactly seven days after that she stormed into my apartment to shake me out of it. That day we went shopping all over downtown Brooklyn to get new things for the living room. We were even able to find small vials for the remaining ashes of my grandmother I managed to save. It was what I needed to start feeling human but I went through the motions the following week. It wasn’t until Jazz dragged us to some off Broadway play that I slowly realized I owed it to myself to get help. So I started therapy because a wise man once told me talking about my problems might make them easier to get through.

Sweeping a glance over my apartment as I got my purse together, my mind projects Xavier standing before me with those eyes glossed over in as much pain as I was in. Taking a deep breath, I shake away the memory. I prayed he was doing okay because for the moment it felt safer to keep my distance. I had put too much onto him which was not fair. He had his own problems to contend with and expecting him to add mine into the mix wasn’t sensible. That did not mean his absence wasn’t felt though because a day had yet to go by without me thinking of him.

The sound of my phone ringing with an incoming Facetime made me roll my eyes. I was trying to head out and get some food but that would have to wait because it was Lonso who was calling. We haven’t spoken in a few weeks so there was no way I could miss his call without him going off on a tangent in our text thread.

“Hey,” I greeted, once his bronze face filled the screen. His curls were shorn close to the scalp in the way military men often sported their hair. He was dressed in uniform and sitting in a nondescript office with a pair of slate gray AirPod Maxes over his ears. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about you and decided to call. I am surprised you answered though since you seem to specialize in dodging me,” he said, with a pointed stare.

“Don’t make me regret doing so by being an ass,” I said, with a roll of my eyes which he chuckles at.

“I’m fucking with you, partly. I worry about you and it doesn’t always show in the best of ways,” he said.

“That’s putting it modestly. You are overbearing at best and a pain in the ass at least. There is never any in between with you. I can’t handle that,” I said, finally coming clean about why I avoided conversations with him. Well, one of the reasons. The main reason.

“Cause you be hiding shit when I can help you. Like why Mari had to tell me about what that nigga did?” Lonso asked, folding his hands in front of him. His frustration was slow to start, opposite of mine which was explosive but I can tell he was trying to remain calm so we could have a full conversation. “Like what the fuck Jamila? You know I would have found a way to come up here.”

“And do what? He’s locked up and not coming out for a long ass time. I handled it,” I said, raking my hand over tangled curls. My hair hadn’t been a priority lately but it needed to become one. I made a mental note to take care of it while Lonzo shook his head at me.

“Be there! I could have helped you clean up and replace stuff. What happened was scary as fuck and to hear about it from someone else days later hurt. I can’t lie,” Lonzo said.

“I’m not trying to hurt you on purpose. I’m just used to doing things by myself and asking for help is hard because I don’t like being let down,” I said.

There had been so many times when I was a teenager that I asked for help and people always feel short or never fully followed through. After a few times I realized the only person I could count on in this world was me. Life became easier once I accepted that I had to make sure I was okay at the end of the day. While I did have some help from Mari, I tried not to lean on her too much because raising Papi was a lot. With her I was decisive about what I decided to let her in on as not to worry her. It never even crossed my mind to tell Lonzo about what happened because he wasn’t in my daily orbit. He had been reduced to unanswered calls and texts I’d sometimes reply to depending on my mood.

Nodding his head, he said, “I get that but I haven’t let you down. Anything I ever said I was going to do, I did even when I was broke.”

That was true especially when I was in college and struggling to feed myself after paying rent. Lonzo found a way to send me a hundred dollars every two weeks until I got a better job. Almost a whole year he did that. When I got the flu bad one year he came up from Virginia to take care of me because Mari, having a toddler at the time, couldn't. However it was during that time that he decided he had to hover over every decision I made.

“Our parents made some terrible decisions that affected us differently and I hate that you got the shorter end of the stick. The one thing they did right was us though. I don’t want us to keep on the way we are, sniping at each other because we used to be close. If you died with our relationship being like it is…,” he stopped to take a deep breath. Lonso wasn’t an emotional person so to see his eyes redden caused mine to as well.

He looked away from the screen for a second but I caught the way his bottom lip trembled and immediately I felt bad.

“I thought about that too,” I said, taking a shaky breath. “I don’t want to fight with you Lonso, I swear I don’t but I need you to be my brother, not my de facto parental figure. I’m grown now and yes sometimes I struggle but I always find my way.”

“You do and I’m not taking that from you but there’s no harm in letting other people walk beside you. I worry about you, I haven’t stopped worrying about you since the day we left,” Lonso said.

That had been a shitty day because Ms. Lena didn’t let anyone know the day of the move. Later she explained that she didn’t want to be talked out of her decision or be further manipulated by my parents. When I got older, I somewhat understood where she was coming from but that didn’t take away from how cruel the act was. Our father had to physically rip Lonzo from me because even at fourteen he knew what leaving would mean.

“I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. Guess that means I should listen huh?” I said, causing him to smirk.

“That’s exactly what that shit means,” he cracked.

“I’m going to do better,” I said, drumming my fingers on the counter top.

“Me too MiMi, me too.”

Hearing my childhood nickname doesn’t make me cringe like it normally does when he uses it. For the first time in a long time, we smile at each other.

It’s late at night and try as I might, I can not fall asleep which isn’t a surprise. Insomnia had been a dear friend ever since the tornado known as Trevor ripped through my apartment. He took away my ability to feel safe in the home I grew up in and I would hate him forever for that. Having enough tossing and turning, I get up and slide on some sweatpants. Grabbing my keys and phone, I head across the hall to let myself into Mari’s apartment. The light in the living room is on but everything else is off leaving the apartment quiet with the exception of humming appliances. Out of habit, I pad my way down the hallway and stop at the first door on the left. Slowly I turn the knob and find Papi with a sheet over his and a glow coming from a screen alongside the sounds of a video game. Flipping on the light, I watch amused as he quickly pokes his head out.

“Auntie?” he questions, eyes blinking to adjust to the light. He takes one look at me and knows something is off but like the intuitive kid he is, doesn’t press me. Instead he lifts his Switch in the air. “You tryna play?”

“Hell yeah,” I said, walking over to sit beside him.

“If I win, can I stay up for at least another hour?” he asks, knowing I’m about to tell him this is his last round of whatever he’s playing.

“Yes but if I win, it’s light out. It’s already going on eleven and your mom will kill us both if you're still up when she gets home,” I said.

“True,” he said, as he passed me a controller. Propping up the Switch, I see we’re playing Mario Kart. “I couldn’t sleep though.”

“Me either. Anything in particular on your mind?” I ask, as he starts the round.

“Yeah I was thinking about how our building needs better security. Like if our door downstairs actually locked how it was supposed to that nig- I mean that bum wouldn’t have been able to do what he did,” Papi said.

“Maybe,” I said, trying to figure out how to approach this conversation with him. “But I don’t want you worrying about that okay?”

“I can’t help it. That was messed up and I hope your boyfriend beats his ass,” Papi said.

I tear my eyes away from the screen just in time to see the serious expression etched across his features. His eyebrows are sunken as his lips twist to the side.

“Xavier is not my boyfriend and stop cursing,” I said.

“Yes he is, he takes you out and makes you happy. He also buys me stuff by the way. Can you tell him I’d like some more X-Men stuff?” he asked.

“I’ll see what I can do Papi but I make no promises,” I said.

“I’ll take that,” Papi says, causing me to chuckle.

We end up going for best out of three when he wins the first but in the end I let him have his extra hour. With one last warning for him to keep his eye on the clock because I will deny agreeing to let him stay up if caught, I leave him to his lonesome and go into the living room.

As I snuggle into the couch to wait for Mari to come home, my phone vibrates against my thigh where it is resting. Seeing Xavier’s name on the screen on the text notification sends my heart racing against my chest. Papi spoke him up and he must have heard it from wherever he was. My hands grow sweaty as I unlock my phone to read the message.

Hey, I know you still taking your time but I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you. I especially miss you talking during our Marvel marathon. I think I miss your snoring too (not the sound but knowing you're that close). Nothing and I mean nothing, will ever change that baby. I’m here. Take your time.

Hot tears splash onto the screen by the time I have reread the message for the tenth time. A weight is removed slightly from my shoulders but there is no real reprieve. I want so badly to call him but I toss my phone to the side. I’m not ready to talk to him but I should be.

The scent of Jam fills the air as Mari takes a rat tail comb and makes another part in the back of my head. After waking up and sending Papi outside to play, we decided today would help each other with our hair. I had touched up the bleach on her roots once we finished eating breakfast and now she was returning the favor. I turned my phone over and over in my hands contemplating what I was going to say to Xavier. Contemplating if I was ready to say something at all. I had resolved that he should hear from me last night and thought sleeping on it would help me get there. All I’ve managed to do is lament on the fact that in a dark moment I pushed him away instead of embracing the lifeline he was tossing me. I did not have to face the aftermath of Trevor’s destructive behavior alone but I chose to because cleaning up other people’s messes alone was second nature to me. I did not want to have an audience but that’s not what he was offering. He was offering a helping hand and it took me longer than it should have to realize that.

“I miss him,” I sighed, raking my hand over the few finished braids Mari had placed over my shoulder.

“So call him,” Mari said, as that was the simplest thing ever after the month of silence between us. The text he sent last night still has my heart racing and made me realize how much I miss his presence in my life. “And before you start, no, it’s really not that hard.”

I open my mouth to respond but my phone ringing in my hands steals my attention. A picture of Jazz and I fills the screen with an incoming Facetime call. I hit the green button to accept it and in seconds, she’s filling the screen with a full beat face and a slicked back black ponytail.

“You called right on time Jazz, your daughter is in here tripping,” Mari says, peeking from behind me.

Jazz cackles while I shoot Mari a side eye which she ignores with a mush of my head and a command to keep my head down. I adjust how I’m holding the phone, lowering it further into my lap so that Jazz can see my face and Mari can braid comfortably.

“Gon’ head and tell me what’s going on Birdie. I see it all over your face,” Jazz said, adjusting her AirPod. I can tell she’s on break at the center she works at because this is when she usually calls me to check in or to confirm any upcoming plans.

“Xavier texted me last night and it made me realize that I miss him…a lot actually,” I sighed.

“I’m not hearing the problem. Not only has Mr. Clipboard been respecting the space you asked for but he didn’t take it as a dismissal. He probably reaffirmed that he loved you, right?” Jazz asked.

I nodded my head and am reminded by Mari, gently putting it at the right angle to keep still. “He did but-

“But what?” Mari sighed exasperatedly behind me. “You love that nigga real bad.”

“And do,” Jazz chimed in, causing them to laugh.

“But,” I said, over them, “I blinked and a month went by y’all. There are things broken in me that I thought I could ignore but I can’t and I don’t know if time will ever fix it. He doesn’t deserve the mess that I am.”

“Now that ain’t never been a kept secret baby girl and Xavier has always known that you have some baggage. I’m sure he has his own because we all have our shit Birdie but that’s a lazy excuse to push him away. It sounds like you have let your fear get comfortable in the driver's seat,” Jazz said, instantly calling me to task.

She has a keen sense of knowing when I’m stepping around an answer. Where Mari has gotten used to waiting me out, Jazz has no patience for it.

“I’m afraid that one day he’s going to decide that he can’t handle me or my shit. Like he’ll realize maybe I’m not worth the trouble after all and I know how fucked up that sounds. My therapist says it’s easy to talk ourselves out of a good thing but I don’t know. It keeps me up at night because I have never been loved like he loves me and we have only scratched the surface of what we could be,” I said.

“Your therapist is right. Love is a risk, being vulnerable and open is a risk, not loving at all is a risk. Everything in life comes with a risk even the choice to do nothing is a risk because you might miss out on your person or an opportunity. Ultimately you have to decide what outcome you can live with,” Jazz said.

“Right, and missing out on Xavier will be one of the dumbest things you have ever done and I’ve watched you shave your eyebrows off,” Mari added.

“Regardless of how much he loves you, you have to love yourself and believe you are worthy because your worthiness is eternal. It shows in your attitude, in your walk, in your eyes. Some days will be harder than others to do so but you have to,” Jazz said.

“Sure do and Mila, babe putting Xavier to the side for a moment, you have been more mindful lately. Less snappy and more patient. That little orange vest stint put some things in perspective for you and he came along while you were already in motion,” Mari said.

“I’m trying but I feel like that shit with Trevor’s dumb ass set me back because bad things keep happening and I realize I never had a break. There is always something and I want there to be peace so bad. In order for me to be at peace I have to heal but my healing is always interrupted and that makes me want to give up. Why is maintaining change so fucking hard?” I sighed, feeling tears align the bottom of my eyes.

I was sick and tired of crying. Ever since that night I do it easily and it leaves me feeling like a constant torrential downpour. The dam I put up in my teen years had eroded and there was no longer anything between me and my feelings. Though I’m exhausted from crying these last few weeks I let these tears fall too because they feel different. They aren’t sad, they are cleansing.

“Because change is scary but remaining the same keeps you stagnant and you can’t grow that way Birdie. Actually, that’s the quickest way to die. You deserve to live not just survive but live and you are well on your own way. This really is the time to push past against all your fear and hesitation. You’ll be better for it in the long run,” Jazz said.

Not just live but survive.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded my head because Jazz was right. I was taking the steps to better my life by going to job interviews, working on my attitude, trying to fix my relationship with my brother and getting my therapist. I deserved the happiness I got from and with Xavier to balance out all of the rest.

“Y’all are right,” I breathed out. “I just get stuck in my head sometimes and that inner voice is a bitch to drown out.”

“That’s why we’re here. To be loud as hell and tell you to chill the hell out and go get your man,” Mari said, placing a kiss to the top of my head.

“Period. Take life by the reins Birdie and I’ll see y’all for brunch this weekend. Can’t wait to hear how it goes. Toodles,” Jazz says with a quick wave as someone enters her office calling her name. She makes an annoyed expression before slapping on a quick smile which we laugh at as we wave back. Shortly the call disconnects and I lock my phone back.

“I love how she makes plans and just expects us to show up, any other plans or obligations be damned,” Mari giggles as she finishes another braid.

“I’ve learned to embrace it. Her plans have been a bright spot this past month,” I sniffle, as I wipe the last of my tears from my cheeks.

“Agreed, be giving me something to do other than work and cart Papi around,” Mari says, as she makes a new part. “But back to you real quick. Text him back right now. You have had your space but he deserves for his effort to be met with some of your own.”

I nod my head and unlock my phone. “Never thought I’d see the day you would be on a man's side.”

“He’s not just any man, he is the man that returned your real smile. So unless he does something extremely out of pocket, I fuck with him,” Mari said.

Her approval means the world to me because Mari is the only family I see every day. Without her I would be adrift and I haven’t always brought the best people around. Xavier passed both her and Papi’s test without even having to try hard because he’s a genuinely good person. Opening up our text thread I try to type out a message but nothing feels adequate enough.

“What time do you think you’ll be done with my hair?” I asked.

“In like maybe two hours and no, you cannot wait until after I’m done to text him because that defeats the purpose of me saying ‘right now’ girl,” Mari said.

“That’s not why I’m asking. What I need to say, shouldn’t be done through text. I’m going to go see him,” I said, turning around to look at her.

Throwing her hands up in the air, Mari shouts, “Hallelujah! She has awakened with the spirit of common sense.”

“Not too much on me!”

#metamorphosisff #Black Fiction #black romance

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thedeal-if · 11 months

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Aaah the Dante drabble....

But... but... sorry, I HAVE to!

Soo...

This:

"He eyes the bouquet like it has personally offended him—knowing him, it has. Dante holds his hands out, you hand it to him almost on autopilot. The Aeshma takes a step back, and you watch as he sets the flowers ablaze with the palms of his hands. That’s the moment the stranger decides to run."

Well... but what if MC proceeds to be upset at him (in a sad - not angry - way), because these were such pretty flowers, and since they were already cut it is only right to at least care for them and allow them to live as long as possible before they wilt, instead of burning them like that. Aka, the MC is a sweetheart golden retriever type of person who genuinely feels upset about the flower burning.

OMG THIS 😭 I totally see it, poor MC... I'd say Dante's wrath would be hard to deal with even when it's hardly directed at them. He has an interesting internal monologue when that anger disappears so I present to you babygirl's pov post-Flower Incident✨

The stranger runs away. And Dante has no appropriate place to wipe the ashes on his hands, they dangle awkwardly for a few seconds, and then he dusts them off in his pants, staining the black leather with the grey remains of his jealous rage. It’s almost as if nothing happened in the first place: the stranger is gone and what remains of the bouquet...

Is going to be a bitch to clean.

Dante mutters his go-to curses—they roll off his tongue easily enough, as Italian often does. His shoulders relax with a final painful ache, the shadow clouding his judgement lifts. To Dante, the clarity often feels like dipping his head in cold water after a heatstroke.

His pants may be ruined, Dante sulks quietly. At least the flower-giving dickhead got the hint and ran away. The Aeshma tilts his head in your direction, he sees your frown, your eyes so full of disappointment—

Oh, shit. Dante fucked up. Again. The demon’s throat tightens.

“(Name)?”

“Let’s just go home, okay?” you sigh, and Dante much prefers the fire of your justified rage, it’s something he can match and return. But you’re not terrible like him, you’re not a mess. You’re beautiful and bright, like the sun, but in a good way. In the best way. You don’t sunburn, you are the rays that sunflowers chase greedily.

Dante hates the aftermath, the consequences of his own rage. He hates making you sad.

“(Name),” Dante whines helplessly “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

Though you force a smile, it’s not sincere and it only makes the Aeshma feel worse. Dante wants to touch you, to hug you, he almost does—but the image of you recoiling roots him to the spot.

“It’s— It’s just some stupid flowers,” you frown at his words, he fucked up again. Again. Dante feels like he’s been kicked “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t understand.”

Dante has no idea what you’re thinking about when you tighten your lips, pupils fluttering up and to the sides, he’s too busy watching all your little ticks. It makes noticing your more sincere smile much easier, and it’s only when you brandish it in his direction that Dante feels the tightness in his chest relax.

You explain, you always do, you’re patient and wonderful like that.

“Flowers are alive like you and I. It’s— It’s such a waste not to let them live, Dante,” you breathe “I know you can’t control Wrath. I’m not mad, either, but...”

“I’ll be careful,” Dante promises even though he’s not really sure it’s an oath he can keep “I’ll, uh, I’ll say sorry to the witch.”

Villanelle would probably be furious in your stead if she learnt what happened—to you and to the flowers.

At least that idea makes you laugh. Dante cracks his knuckles to relieve the tension.

“I forgive you,” you conclude sweetly, you reach out confidently, weave your fingers together with his own “Don’t do that again, okay?”

Your skin has always been cold to Dante. The change is refreshing.

#the deal #the deal act 1 #inferno #the deal if #ask #dante #mc #scenario #ros

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go-to-the-mirror · 10 months

Text

wtnv 190 + mag 160 spoilers. if you have not listened to both, do not hit the read more, trust me it’s better when you’re surprised first watching.

I think the reason that I… wasn’t thrilled at wtnv 190, but I was quite thrilled at mag 160 is because of how I viewed the two podcasts. Wtnv is escapist to me, and I expect to many of you as well. It’s surrealist horror, yes, but it’s also a comedy, it’s also set in this small desert town that doubles as a surveillance state, but it’s safe, and accepting, and after the weather Cecil gives you some really good life advice.

Can I talk about Street Cleaning Day? Can I talk about how that episode made me feel, after the weather, it’s like when you’re out late and it’s humid and you’re with the people you love and you’re so connected. Connection, community. I love Night Vale for that.

Tma, on the other hand, is literally the opposite. Horror tragedy! Also all the characters hate each other! Like oh my god? They all hate each other. Lock three characters in a room together for an extended period of time and one if not all will come out crying. If you want something comforting, every ounce of happiness in this show comes also with the fact that… oh yeah! The world’s going to end! Or has already! And every bit of that sweetness is going to get ripped away.

It doesn’t make you hopeless. It just always hurts, there’s always more fresh pain, and god help you if you get extremely attached to one of the characters. Like I have. I’m so upset all the time. But, paradoxically, that makes it easier to accept when the world is going to shit! When things change beyond recognition! The world was already ruined, all the podcast does is get worse and worse, it’s not something safe, it’s something that hurts (in a good way) so if the world gets wrecked, then it’s just more of what I signed up for.

Night Vale is a different story. It’s something safe, it’s escapist, its social commentary is there, but it’s coated in a layer of humour, it’s not enough to remind you that the world you live in and the world of night vale are, in fact, fucked up.

So, in episode 190, when Night Vale was revealed… well, it destroyed that safe place. Changed it. I was worried it would change the very.. foundations of Night Vale, I knew there’d still be a radio show, and occasionally Cecil would have a bit of a Moment and we’d get more information on his monumentally fucked up childhood and present day, but how much of that small town in the desert stop? How much influence on the outside world would happen?

I’m worried it’s a turning point, like episode 160. I’m worried that Night Vale is never going to be the same.

#wtnv 190 #mag 160 #wtnv #tma #landscaping your mind chapter one #basically wtnv needs a content warning for change bc like half the listeners are autistic

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sparkywrites25 · 1 year

Text

Birthday Blues

Summary: [Modern AU] When an exhausted Levi accidentally forgets Petra's birthday, they're both wrapped up in the emotions of a challenging week.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral | Rivetra

Taglist: @lunar-rainclouds @captain-natey @1wholeheartedly-nii

“What do you think about beef, new potatoes and vegetables for dinner?” Petra asked as she examined the pack of beef thoughtfully, balancing the phone between her cheek and shoulder. “I thought I’d keep it simple. My client was a giant pain in the ass.”

“Go ahead and eat without me. I’m working a double.” Levi’s voice was full of fatigue. “Oluo called in sick a few hours ago.”

Petra lowered the beef packet and silently cursed that tongue-biting idiot. “That’s three times in a week. It’s not even consecutive days. He’s gotta be taking liberties.”

“Actually he did look like shit yesterday,” Levi admitted heavily after a considerable pause, “and he wasn’t looking so good the last time he was in either.” Petra heard him growl. “He should have just taken my suggestion that he stay off.”

“Yeah, you could have arranged some cover,” she agreed, shelving the beef back in the fridge for now.

A sigh rumbled quietly down the phone. Petra could imagine her husband was leaning against something, fingers pinching the space between his brows the way he always did when he was irritated. She wished she could be there to kiss his stress away or better yet drive him home.

“Did he give any indication this time? Of how long he’s gonna be?”

“I told him to take the rest of the week off. I’m not playing this back and forth game with him just because he damn well can’t fully decide if he’s too sick to work or not. I’ve got an agency waiter coming in tomorrow and Friday. Mike’s gonna be managing tomorrow so he can handle them.”

“Good. You need your time off too.”

Petra closed the fridge and leaned back against the nearest counter top, staring across their spacious kitchen, black counters and cupboards contrasting stylishly with ivory walls and the many photographs of her and Levi hanging around the room in their black frames: in front of the Eiffel Tower, standing by the Trevi fountain, under the Aurora Borealis in Iceland, lounging on a beach in Rio de Janeiro and sitting in a country pub in Ireland. She drummed her fingers on her thigh thoughtfully. Such happy, carefree times. Even Levi with his insomnia had managed to get a couple more hours of sleep each night whenever they took a holiday.

This week, he had managed less than three hours on the days he had covered for Oluo. It seemed that tonight was going to be more of the same.

“I’ll prepare you a plate anyway. You can heat it up when you get back.”

A long pause. “Okay.” There was no resistance in Levi’s voice nor any complaints about the taste of reheated food. That fact gnawed at Petra’s rising worry.

“You need to take it easier,” she pleaded, cradling her phone in her hands. “You’re wearing yourself out this week.”

“There was no one else who could have come in today,” came the exhausted reply.

“I know,” Petra sighed. “But it’s not your first double shift this week,”

“It’ll be fine, Petra. After this shift, Mike will handle it until the weekend.”

“Okay, good. Take care though. Call me if you’re too tired to drive though. We can come back for your car tomorrow.”

“I’ll be able to drive, don’t worry.”

“Even so.”

Another sigh. “I’ll get a cab if I have to.” He paused again. “We’ll get quiet in a few hours. I’ll get some rest then. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” Petra closed her eyes. “I’ll see you later.”

The call disconnected but her worry remained as she stared at the screen for a few minutes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Levi arrived home around 10pm. The tea shop closed at 9pm and Petra had harbored an admittedly slim hope that Levi would have left the deep cleaning to Mike in the morning but off course he hadn’t. She could smell the supplies on him as he trudged into the house, locking up and greeting her with a brief kiss on the lips.

Still, she took some gratitude that he’d driven home safely and heated up his dinner for him. He barely ate half of it, gave a mumbled apology and went for a shower.

By the time she turned in for bed, he was already asleep under the covers which was a comfort. She wrapped her arms around his back and snuggled into him, smiling sleepily as his hands moved to cover hers and gave them a squeeze.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The reprieve for Levi the following day never came.

Mike called Levi around 10am to explain that he’d fallen ill. Levi asked him to wait long enough for him to arrive and then he was gone again. The agency waiter generously agreed to pull a double shift but as a manager was needed to stay, Levi would still be pulling another double shift since that was what Mike had signed up for. Mike tended to do fewer days but longer hours.

The manager issue and both Mike and Oluo’s illnesses meant that Levi’s day off on Friday was effectively cancelled as well and so he was scheduled as normal for the weekend. Over the next few days, Levi’s time at home was limited to reheated dinners, showers and an early night. He would sit with Petra for time that grew shorter and shorter after each shift. The exhaustion weighed so heavily that he would struggle to hold up a conversation and Petra would insist that he just took himself to bed to rest.

“Next week will be better,” he would quietly assure her.

Petra was pretty occupied for the weekend too. Most of her photoshoots were booked for weekends and so she tended to have a couple of back to back bookings that usually took up most of the day. It was a contrast to the week where she mostly had either morning or afternoon bookings and then the rest of the day off.

So even for her the days began to blur with her and Levi snatching only a couple of moments together in the evenings.

Monday came and went, as did Tuesday and Wednesday. Both Mike and Oluo were still sick and Levi’s double shifts continued until Thursday dawned. By this point, the circles around Levi’s eyes were so dark, they looked like make up now. He spoke less and less in the evenings but he did seem to sleep a few more hours. It was little comfort to Petra since it just reminded her how close to the brink of exhaustion he was.

It was a short trip to ending up in the hospital if he carried on but Mike was the only other manager and she knew Levi would never go for hiring an agency manager. She even contemplated pulling out of some bookings to step in herself but Levi adamantly refused to go along with her doing that when she suggested it.

“You’re running yourself into the ground, Levi,” she chided him as she curled up against him in bed on Thursday. “Something’s got to give either way and I’d rather lose a couple of clients than you end up in the hospital.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Levi had insisted, kissing her forehead. “Mike and Oluo will be back tomorrow.” His nose scrunched up. “Oluo’s update are disappointingly graphic,” he grumbled.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Both Mike and Oluo returned to work on Friday leaving Levi finally free to take it easy at home.

To Petra’s relief, apart from his customary cleaning, he spent a lot of the day resting up in bed as everything caught up to him. A great deal of the worry that had formed vicious knots in her stomach melted away from her with the knowledge that his body was finally taking the rest it needed.

The week had blurred all days and dates into three categories: yesterday, today and tomorrow. Dates only registered in the context of whether or not she had clients that day or not. Numbers she barely paid attention to. So it was only after turning her phone on again, following the completion of her last booking of the day, that Petra saw the dozen notifications on her social media apps. All of whom were people wishing her a happy birthday. It’s the 6th already? She mused, looking at the messages.

There was an oddness to not celebrating the day, to forgetting about it, and to not even have Levi acknowledge it. Petra would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel a tad hurt about that, that she wasn’t disappointed that they hadn’t celebrated it but it wasn’t terribly hard to swallow down that selfish pride in light of this crazy week. Levi had had a week from hell; the fact that he hadn’t ended up in hospital was something that dwarfed him concerning himself with her birthday. When would he possibly have had time? She herself would have let the date slip by if it hadn’t been for social media.

There would always be next year, she mused, as she drove home. Right now, she wanted to make sure Levi had rested plenty and eaten properly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Hey,” Petra greeted at a cautiously medium volume in case Levi was sleeping. She shut the front door and placed her shoes on the rack before hanging up her coat.

“Hey,” Levi’s deep voice called out from the lounge. Petra padded out of the foyer and onto the plushy sapphire carpet. Her husband reclined back on the corner sofa, dressed in a royal blue sweater and blue slacks, a mug of tea in one hand and his other arm draped over the back of the sofa. His free hand turned over, reaching for hers. She happily slid her hand into his, noting that the circles around his eyes were much more faded now. “How was work?” Levi asked, bringing her hand to his lips. Behind him, Petra observed that the cleaning competition he was interested in was on pause on the television.

“It wasn’t bad. The weather was on our side so the photos will turn out well,” Petra remarked, stepping closer to him and crouching to kiss his lips.

“Good.”

“You look much better. Did you sleep a lot?”

“Heh, a few three or four hour bursts.”

Petra’s eyes lit up. “That’s fantastic.”

“Yeah, not bad for me, huh?” he gave a short chuckle.

Petra kissed him again. “Even your body needs to play catch up after the week you had.”

“Reckon it got off to a good start,” Levi mused. “I’m taking the rest of the week off and a couple of next week’s shifts too.”

Petra didn’t bother to hide her exhale and she leaned up to kiss the side of his head. “I think that’s a great idea,” she told him before rising up. “It’s your turn to have some time off. You’ve more than earned it.”

“Mike’s gonna cover my shifts on top of his usual days.” Levi remarked. “He’s got that trip he wants to save up for.”

“Mutually beneficial then. You can take it easy some more.”

“That and I can finally sort out the attic.”

Petra hung her head with a smile but said nothing. She supposed she shouldn’t expect Levi to be any more idle than he may have been today so far. She wouldn’t push her luck any further. Instead she began to walk across the living room towards the kitchen. “I’m gonna open some wine. Do you want a glass?”

“Sure.” Petra heard the sound of leather creaking and Levi’s footsteps following her into the kitchen. “What do you fancy for dinner?”

“I don’t mind,” she said, withdrawing the red wine bottle from the fridge. “You can choose if you’re making it,” she added with a soft smile over her shoulder.

“Course, I’m making it. You’ve been working all day.” Her husband remarked as he moved to the fridge and freezer. “Reckon we’ve got enough for vegetable stew and we still have some bread to go with it.”

“Sounds great.” Petra poured out two glasses before passing Levi the wine to return to the fridge. She then handed him his glass and sipped from her own. “Do you want to watch something tonight? Or are you all Netflix’d out?”

He rolled his eyes and leaned back against the fridge. “I’m not watching How I Met Your Mother again. Hange keeps sending me Barney memes.”

Petra giggled. “Pretty sure Neil Patrick Harris is their latest celebrity crush.”

“I’m sure Moblit is thrilled.” Levi frowned. “I’m sure any boyfriend would like to know their partner fancies someone else.”

“It’s a celebrity crush so it doesn’t really count. It’s not really a full blown crush.” Petra explained gesturing with one hand. ”Anyway Moblit can’t talk. His is Keira Knightley.”

Levi peered at her with narrowed eyes. “How do you even know that?”

“Celebrity crushes are fun to talk about on nights out.” Petra shrugged.

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “And… people are okay about them?”

“Yeah. They’re more like admiration mixed in with finding them attractive.”

“That still sounds like a crush to me.”

“I guess so. It’s hard to explain.”

“Who’s yours?” Levi lowered his eyes to his wine.

Petra watched his lips purse together like they did when he was putting on his mask. She felt her heart throb and she sidled over towards him, reaching her free hand towards his. “No one.”

He glanced sideways at her and there was a sad curiosity in his gaze. “Would you tell me if you did?”

“Yeah!” Petra promised emphatically, kissing his cheek. “Like I said, it’s not really tied in to emotional admiration or anything. At least not in my opinion anyway. But I don’t have one.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “What about watching Locke and Key?” she suggested, figuring that nudging him away from the subject would be better. “We still need to start Season 3.”

His fingers squeezed hers and a small smile played on his lips. “Yeah, we do.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Following dinner (and a shower for Petra), they spend the evening binging half of Locke and Key’s third season. Cuddled up on the couch with a bottle of wine and a blanket draped over each other, the curtains drawn over the window, it was the picture of coziness. There was a comforting escapism in watching the magical and supernatural yet a comfort in the familiar themes of family, adjustment and life moving on, Petra thought, as she nursed her latest glass of wine.

The text for Levi came at the end of episode four and his body tensed up. “Shit,” he murmured.

Petra’s gaze snapped to his phone. “Tell me you don’t have to go in?” she asked, anxiety spiking up after the staff troubles of the past week. If this was fucking Oluo again then he wouldn’t need to question whether he was ill or not next time because she’d smack him hard enough that he’d be too dizzy to show his wrinkled face. She sucked in a deep breath.

“No.” Levi fixed his eyes on her. “It’s your birthday.”

It was Petra’s turn to go still. “Ah… yeah.”

Levi’s head dropped, his teeth gritted. “I’m a shitty husband.” He dropped his phone, hands clenching in the blanket. “I completely forgot.”

“You’re not a shitty husband,” Petra placed her glass down on the coffee table, wrapping her arms around Levi’s middle. “You’ve been overworked and exhausted. I doubt you knew what date it was each day. I certainly didn’t. I forgot about it myself until I saw my socials.”

Levi’s brow scrunched up even more. “That’s no excuse. I’ve never forgotten your birthday before.” His arm around her shoulders squeezed her. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Petra touched her lips to his cheek. “Don’t be. Sweetheart, you’ve never been this strung out before. You haven’t had time to worry about anything like that. You’ve barely ate and slept, never mind anything else. I’m glad you didn’t worry about it on top of all that.”

His eyes found hers and her heart broke a little upon seeing the pain in them. “You deserve to celebrate it, for us to celebrate you. This week has been tough on you.”

“Levi,” Petra took a deep breath, brushing her nose against his. “I’m fine. I promise.” She rubbed one hand over his chest. “I’ve spent a lot of this week worrying that you were going to end up in hospital with exhaustion. But now you’re resting and taking time off. That’s all I care about right now. Knowing that you’re okay. Compared to how things could have been, I’m grateful.”

Guilt was still painted all over her husband’s face. “But that’s all the more reason why we should be celebrating today,” he told her, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her. “I’ll make it up to you,” he vowed. “We’ll have a proper celebration this weekend.”

Petra shook her head. “No, it’s okay,” she insisted. “I’d rather we just have a chilled time at home together. I don’t need to celebrate this year.” As she said the words, a part of her protested - told her not to be so hasty and to let him treat her - but she smothered it. The last thing he needed was to be worrying about this now. Even if there was still some lingering sadness, it was trumped by Levi’s wellbeing.

“At all?” The crack in Levi’s voice surprised her.

“Yeah.” Petra assured him. “Just having you here like this is all I need.”

He pulled her into him and kissed her head. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Petra lied. “To be honest, I just want to forget this week,” she admitted.

“If that’s what you want,” Levi murmured, kissing her temple. “Can I still say happy birthday anyway?”

Petra managed a warm smile. “Sure.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Levi wasn’t convinced that Petra was being entirely truthful about her feelings. Despite her protestations,there was a quiet sadness to her over the rest of the evening. She was fairly quick to slip into bed and prepare for sleep. Over the weekend, they spent most of it at home and she thanked well-wishers and remarked that they had enjoyed a quiet time at home. The idea of not giving her a gift didn’t sit well with him. He asked her numerous times if she needed anything but she eventually told him that she didn’t need him to get her a gift. So he tried other gestures like cooking most of the meals over the weekend and letting her choose what shows they watched.

But by Sunday night, she still wasn’t altogether herself and so he resorted to desperate tactics by talking the situation over with Hange over messenger.

Hange: Sounds to me like she just wants to make sure you’re doing okay rather than ask you to celebrate. Levi: But I already told her that I wanted to celebrate it with her. Hange: Yeah but you were barely recovering then. Levi: So you think she might want to now? Hange: I think maybe a gesture might go down better. Levi: What kind of gesture? I’m not doing anything crazy, Shitty Glasses. Hange: I’m not talking anything crazy. Hange: We should take her on a night out. Hange: You, Petra, me, Moblit, Erwin and Mike. Could invite the others too. Levi: I think if she sees Oluo, she might actually throttle him Levi: I’m not sure she’s going to be up for a fuss. Hange: It’s not a fuss or a party. Just a good time with some friends. There’s a new club that just opened. If we go on Tuesday it’ll probably be quieter. Levi: Mmmm maybe. Hange: Plus it needn’t be a late one. Most of us will be working the next day. Nothing crazy. Levi: Do you even understand the concept of that? Hange: There’s no need to be rude, Levi. Hange: Anyway, what do you think? Levi: I doubt she’ll go for it. Hange: Suggest a date night and then that way she’ll dress up and be ready for clubbing. I’m sure when she sees us all together she’ll relax. Levi: This has the hallmarks of a potentially bad idea. Hange: Or a brilliant one. Levi: I wouldn’t go that far. Hange: That’s because you’re mean. Levi: Eh. Hange: So will you do it? Levi: Fine. I’ll give it a try. Hange: Great!

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Petra was pretty sure that Levi hadn’t given up on treating her belatedly for her birthday but after a particularly difficult afternoon with a client, a dinner date with her husband sounded pretty nice. So after a quick shower and changing into a black and white polka dotted dress that that ended at her knees, along with some light make up, she joined her husband in the cab headed into town.

Leaning into his arm in the backseat, Petra ran her hand down the sleeve of his black jacket, nuzzling her face into his neck.

“You make it very hard for me to want to go out in public with you when you wear that,” she murmured, sliding her fingers over his all-black suit. “Such a tease for your poor wife,” she added with a kiss to his neck. She was rewarded by the heat that rose under her lips.

“My sweet wife is one to fucking talk,” Levi whispered back, nudging her nose so she would look upwards and meet his lips. His lips pressed insistently for a second before he gazed down at her dress, his hand sliding across her knee, sending shivers over her skin “Maybe we’ll have to have dessert at home.”

Petra smiled against his lips. “Maybe we will.”

Flashing lights outside the window caught her eye and she watched as various neon signs flew past the window. She began to frown. This was the nightlife district of Stohess. The only restaurants here were fast-food places that wouldn’t make it anywhere near the radar for romantic places that her husband would take her to. Her frown deepened as the cab began to slow down in front of one particular neon-lit entrance - that of a purple light shaped like a woman’s head next to the name Sina.

Petra was about to turn her head to ask Levi why they were stopping here when she recognized the group of people standing in wait outside. An enthusiastic Hange waved, donning a bright purple suit. Next to them, Erwin, Moblit and Mike all wore varying combinations of darker shirts and slacks or, in Moblit’s case, skinny jeans.

As soon as the cab stopped, Hange practically leapt at the door and flung it open while Levi leaned forward to pay the driver. “Belated happy birthday, Petra!”

Petra offered a bright smile as her heart sank. Oh. She climbed out of the cab and into Hange’s outstretched arms. They’re your friends. They mean well.

“Happy belated birthday,” Erwin stepped forward, leaning in to kiss Petra on the cheek, hands resting on her shoulders only briefly before he moved away.

She exchanged similar pleasantries with Moblit and Mike. By which time Levi had joined her, slipping an arm around her waist.

“Very sneaky,” she murmured with a smile that couldn’t quite meet her eyes. His eyes held hers for a moment longer before she looked away from him.

“I thought a night out here might be fun for us,” Hange enthused. “Shouldn’t be too heaving and it’s been way too long since we did anything like this anyway. Plus we can celebrate Petra’s birthday in style!”

“This place is already getting an excellent reputation,” Erwin remarked with an approving nod.

“Okay then. Let’s find out if it lives up to it.” Hange beamed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maybe there’s just something wrong with you, Petra wondered to herself, an hour later, as she sat in the middle of the rounded booth, surrounded by Levi and Erwin.

Sina was a particularly beautiful nightclub. The top floor consisted of circular booths, side-by-side, running all around the floor. Pale violet cushions contrasted the dark purple walls and, above them, a dozen or so purple and white disco balls shone over the room. The booths and the walkways in front of them covered only the edges of the space, allowing everyone a fantastic view of the bar and dance floor below. There were some tables and chairs in various purple shades near the bar area on the floor below. Hange’s prediction that it wasn’t busy turned out to be pretty accurate. Only a third of the booths were occupied and only a dozen or so people occupied the dance floor below. The bar area was pretty clear most of the time except for a few people hanging around there.

Overall, Petra liked the aesthetic. It was just harder to enjoy when her jaw hurt from fake smiling so much.

She was trying, really she was. After answering some questions about her photography career and talking about some of her clients, she was happy enough to sit back and listen to Hange regale them all with stories of her recent experiments (with Moblit interjecting to declare how reckless Hange had actually been on each occasion) and Erwin field questions from Hange about his relationship with Marie. Neither Levi nor Mike escaped being pounced on by Hange’s inquisitive nature either. Levi’s grip on Petra’s hand tightened throughout the focus on him.

All Petra could dwell on was how much she wished she could just go home. She felt wretched for feeling like this. Her friends had reached out to celebrate and she couldn’t even enjoy herself. The least she could do was make an effort. So here she was on her second cocktail of the evening. Correction, she’d nearly finished her cocktail.

“Hey hey!” Hange cheered as they returned to the booth with another round of drinks. They eyed Petra’s nearly empty glass and slid over another blue cocktail towards her. “Get on that birthday girl”

“Thanks,” Petra finished her second glass quickly and began sipping immediately on her third.

Levi’s hand moved to her back and began to rub it. She gave him a smile and his lips quirked upwards in a brief flicker. Yet concern shone in his eyes, as though he could read beyond her feigned smile so she looked away and continued drinking as Hange began to ask Mike about his upcoming trip. Maybe once she’d had a few drinks she could finally enjoy herself. After all, this was for her, wasn’t it?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“We should dance!” Hange was already on their feet, dancing and swaying in front of the booth. “Let’s go downstairs! Who’s with me?”

They were met with many a resounding and enthusiastic no from almost everyone else except for Petra who, despite it being three more cocktails later, pointed out that she would need some shots before she would get her dance on. The next thing she knew, she and Hange were trotting down one of the spiral staircases leading down to the upper floor and over towards the bar.

“Wait-” Levi began to rise from his seat with a frown only for Erwin to take his arm.

“She’ll be fine with Hange.” Erwin assured him.

“Shots on top of the five cocktails she’s had already?” Levi retorted. “You really think that’s a good idea.”

“She’s not working tomorrow is she?”

Levi’s frown deepened. “No.”

“This is her birthday celebration, after all,” Moblit smiled. “She should have a blow out.”

“If she was actually having fun, that’d be a different story,” Levi answered, leaning forward in his seat to follow Petra and Hange’s movements with his steely gaze. “But something’s off with her.”

Mike leaned back, folding his arms and giving a sniff. “I can’t say I disagree. She’s usually more chatty.”

“See?”

“But,” Mike added, “you guys had a stressful week. Could be it’s just taking a while for her to relax.”

“Indeed,” Erwin agreed, raising his drink to his mouth. “Maybe shots with Hange will be the key that helps her let loose.”

Levi frowned, not taking his eyes off his wife. They might believe that but they couldn’t convince him. His gut instinct told him something was wrong about the way Petra was throwing her drinks back tonight. He thought back to the cab ride and her reaction to the club scene. Was she disappointed? Did he get this wrong too?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hange bought them a round of six shots and they laid them out in a string across one of the empty tables nearby. “Let’s race,” they suggested, their eyes gleaming as they examined the mult-coloured shots. “Ready? One, two- hey!”

Petra swallowed back her crimson shot with a forced grin and plucked her second one. “You snooze you lose, Hange.”

Her friend’s jaw dropped with delight. “Someone’s on a mission tonight!” They tossed back two shots consecutively but Petra had already taken the rest of hers.

The rush of alcohol filled Petra with energy and she felt her inhibitions begin to slip away. “Let’s get more,” she declared, making a beeline for the bar again. She heard Hange whooping behind her.

“Okay and then dancing.”

“Yes, then dancing,” Petra promised before ordering twelve shots from the bartender and opting for the fruity flavours options.

“Twelve?!” Hange’s delight faded into a combination of surprise and concern. “You’re not going to be able to stand up straight, never mind dance.”

“Not true,” Petra argued, paying by card once the shots were laid out on a tray. Carefully lifting one of the shots, she grinned at Hange. “We’ll be dancing soon anyway. No time for drinking then.” She nodded her head towards the shots.

The concern didn’t leave Hange’s eyes but they smiled back and lifted a lime green shot. “That’s true.”

But Petra was already throwing her shot back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Levi grew steadily more agitated as he watched Petra take down more than her share of the large tray of shots that she’d ordered. She and Hange raced onto the dance floor and began to move to the music. For a time, it seemed like the shots might be relaxing Petra after all; she spun and shook herself with a carefree, happy energy that was only marred by her increasing stumbling movements.

Hange’s inability to disguise the growing worry over her face only worsened the tightness building within Levi’s stomach.

Half an hour of them being down there passed quickly and the hour mark approached equally fast. Petra’s dancing was becoming increasingly clumsy and each time she left Hange’s side to visit the ladies, she returned holding a glass of coke, most likely mixed in with a spirit.

Finally, Petra stumbled and crashed to the floor after attempting a spin. Hange knelt down beside her, checking on her. Meanwhile, Levi was out of his seat in a second and none of the others tried to stop him as he raced down the stairs and crossed the dance floor towards his fallen wife.

“’M okay,” Petra mumbled as Levi hoisted her up, one arm around her middle. She looked down at the smashed glass and spilled drink. “My coke… I want another.”

“You’ve had more than enough,” Levi told her, maneuvering her through the crowd. “We’re going home.”

“But I-”

“You can barely stand,” Levi pointed out as her legs buckled, mid-walk. “Time to get you to bed.”

Petra gasped loudly. “Not in front of Hange!”

Levi rolled his eyes.

Hange chuckled and began walking ahead quickly. “I’ll call you both a cab.”

“Thanks, Shitty Glasses.” Levi told them.

Petra pouted up at him. “You’re so rude to Hange you know? So, so rude.”

“I’m always rude to them.”

“Yeah… yeah well you should stop,” Petra slurred.

The pair fell behind way behind in keeping up with Hange thanks to Petra continuously swaying about and bumping into tables even with his guidance. Levi had to redirect her from the bar on more than one instance. Soon they were finally stepping outside. A brisk chill greeted them and Petra wrapped her arms around herself.

“Jeez, we’re at the North Pole…” she complained, shivering.

Levi realized too late that she’d left her coat upstairs. “That’s an impressive exaggeration,” He pulled out his phone and began to message Erwin to bring the jacket.

He needn’t have bothered. The rest of the gang appeared out of the doorway a minute later with Erwin holding out Petra’s coat to her. She grabbed at it gratefully and Levi had to seize her by the waist to stop her from falling over then helped her to slip it on. “It’s a good time to call it a night,” Erwin announced, glancing at his watch.

“Yeah, got an early start tomorrow,” Mike agreed, patting Levi’s shoulder.

“Me too,” Moblit slid his arms into his jacket.

Hange heaved a dramatic sigh though their brow was creased by weariness. “Unfortunately so have I. But let’s meet up again, and soon!” they declared. “Oh, Levi,” they jerked their thumb at the road. “Your cab will be here in five.”

Levi nodded. “Good.”

Petra pulled her coat closer to her, leaning into Levi’s arms more and more. She groaned softly. The bright lights of the street and the rumbling of traffic grew more muffled the more she pressed into her husband’s chest.

“Gonna be sick?” Levi asked but she shook her head.

“No…”

“It’d be a miracle if she isn’t at this point,” Hange speculated, folding their arms.

Petra groaned again. “I’ll be fine…”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

By a miracle, the cab escaped the fate of being thrown up in. The bathroom toilet, however, was not so lucky upon their arrival. After spending five minutes emptying her stomach, Petra managed to stand up and wash up. Levi guided her into the lounge, leaving her on the sofa with a glass of water while he cleaned up in the bathroom.

When he returned to her, the glass of water was half-drunk and sitting on table, while she was curled up into herself, tears streaming down her face

“Petra?” He dropped onto the couch next to her, taking her into his arms, careful not to jostle her too much. “Talk to me.” He murmured against her temple. “You haven’t been right all night.”

“Did-did I ruin tonight?” Petra sobbed quietly. “You arranged this- this lovely night out and-and-and I got trashed.”

Levi’s arm around her waist squeezed her closer, his hand rubbing her hip. “You didn’t ruin anything,” he assured her. “But you didn’t seem to be having a good time… not until you drank half the bar anyway.”

She sniffled. “I… I wasn’t. But I didn’t want to spoil the mood.”

Her husband sighed, kissing her hair. “Why didn’t you just say something?”

“I couldn’t be that ungrateful!” Petra lifted her eyes to his, tears frozen in place. “You all wanted to celebrate my birthday and I should have been happy enough with that. I shouldn’t have…. imploded the way I did.”

“You’re allowed to not want to do something. Everyone would have understood.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t what?”

“I don’t understand!” Petra sobbed again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why I’m so upset about this? Why I’m being so selfish about a stupid day!”

“Because it was your day. A day you should have been cherished and your shitty husband forgot about it. It’s okay to be upset with me. I’d understand.”

“No!” Petra insisted, bumping her nose against his. “That’s just it. I’m really not upset with you. How could I be? I’m upset with myself for caring so much about something so… small. I had it right the first time. You not ending up in hospital, us having that weekend where we just did nothing… Those things meant the most to me. You being okay is everything to me, Levi.” Once more she broke down, tucking her head under his chin and crying into him.

He said nothing for a while, allowing her to cry her feelings out against him, offering the silent, sturdy support she could use to gather control of herself and abandon these horrible, sad things that were bringing her down. How could she ever call the date of her birth small? When it had brought her into his life, into his arms? How could she dismiss how important it was that they did celebrate it? Just as she would insist if the situation was reversed. This was the woman who insisted on treating his birthday and Christmas as separate celebrations on the same day. The woman who had caught his heart so easily yet seemed amazed that he loved her. He wished he could just say all this to her but words weren’t something he could make beauty out of. That was Petra or Erwin more than it was him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Petra kept mumbling.

“Don’t be sorry,” Levi told her, as he stroked her hair. “I need you to be okay too, you know? It’s not a one way street. You will be, though. I’ll make sure of it.” He promised her with a kiss to her forehead. “We will do something, something that’s just us, the way tonight should have been.” he added, “because I’m sure as hell not going to put aside celebrating you.”

Petra’s cheeks were slightly rosy as she sat up a little in Levi’s arms again, wiping at her reddened eyes. “I don’t need anything special. I have you.”

“You may not need it,” Levi huffed although his lips quirked moderately, “but you’re damn well getting it. I can’t promise it’ll be what you deserve though.”

Petra began to smile through watery eyes. “I don’t know. I’d say I have something pretty special here already,” she told him, hand sliding up his cheek. “Anything else is a nice bonus,” she admitted, leaning her forehead against his neck.

Maybe tonight had been good for them after all.

#my fics #fic: birthday blues #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #one shot #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #petra ral #petra ral fanfiction #levi ackerman x petra ral #levi ackerman x petra ral fanfiction #rivetra #rivetra fanfiction

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dbnightingale24 · 2 years

Text

The Idea Of Marrying Me

Ransom One Shot

Okay, so this is part 2 to ‘A Disaster From The Start’. I’m making it known now that there will be a part 3 and it’ll be the final part (so don’t yell at me too much). I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I really did try to make this shorter and by doing so, I made this longer. I really don’t know why my brain is like this. Once again, @maroonsunrise83 made and amazing moodboard and I love her to bits!! (Thank you!!) So, here we go and I hope you all enjoy it!

Word Count: 32,912 (I’m honestly so sorry, y’all)

Warnings: Smut (so much smut), MINORS DNI, arguing, public sex, public fingering, drinking, swearing, cheating, Daddy kink, heartbreak, angst, drama, crying (the fucking crying, holy shit), unprotected sex, family drama, lying, degradation kink, anal sex (slight), so on and so forth, I’m sure I missed something.

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter:

Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

Back To Black - Amy Winehouse

You Know I’m No Good- Amy Winehouse

Love Is A Losing Game - Amy Winehouse

He Can Only Hold Her - Amy Winehouse

Too Little To Late - JoJo

Break The Man - Tears For Fears

Breaking The Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers

I Don’t Wanna - Aaliyah

All I Need - Aaliyah

Only One - Ariana Grande

Dead Horse - Hayley Williams

Run The Road - Santigold

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

Summary: After taking some much needed time away from Ransom, you truly believe that you’re ready to head home, new fiancé in hand, and handle whatever he throws your way. What happens when he forces you to realize that you haven’t moved on as much as you think you have?

I do not consent to gave any of my works/stories posted elsewhere.

You sit in the bridal suite, looking down at the ring on your finger. It’s felt heavy since the day it was placed on your finger. It feels too heavy. How had you even gotten yourself into this situation? How is it that you always find yourself in the wrong situation?

“Babe, what is the problem with going back home? We’ve been together for 2 years and I’ve never seen where you grew up. It’s not even like it’s far from us,” your fiance, Ryan, questioned with a small chuckle as he drove you both to your childhood home.

“I just don’t liked going,” you sighed, looking out the window; a small sense of happiness coming over you as started to recognize the scenery around you.

You hadn’t been home for 5 years. It was the best move for you, even though it hurt like hell, its what you kept telling yourself. Ransom had finally promised everything you ever wanted from him, but it was just too late. Too much had happened, and there was too much pain. He begged for hours, only leaving when you were both too tired to cry any longer. You didn’t see him again until your graduation, where he surprised you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers: peonies.

After your parents took you out to dinner, Ransom picked you up and took you out to a movie, then for a walk, in which you two talked about everything except what was wrong. The night ended with you against his bedroom wall and him deep inside of you, decorating your neck and chest with hungry and desperate kisses.

You snuck out of his house the next morning and made your way back home, making sure everything you truly wanted was packed before leaving and driving to your new apartment. You hadn’t bothered to tell Ransom that you were moving or that you’d changed your number. You just couldn’t bear it. You forced yourself to block him on social media and did your best to not ask about him.

A clean break.

The crying didn’t stop for at least a year, but when it finally did, you were happy because it finally became easier to mask the pain.

You were finally able to get your mom to leave your father and you were the one to represent her in court. As much as it pained your father, he wasn’t surprised and he was more than fair with dividing up everything between them. Of course it didn’t surprise you or your brother when they started sleeping with each other a few months later. No, you both weren’t supposed to know, but it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

In the time that you and your mother spent together, she’d tell you about Ransom even though you begged her not to.

“Mom, just stop,” you huffed, closing your laptop and gathering your files. “I’m just not strong enough. I’m not even strong enough to hear this.”

“But babygirl-”

“No mom, he did this. I hate that it’s hurting him and that he’s miserable, but how do you think I feel? He did this to me! For fucks sake, I don’t even go home now because I’m terrified of running into him!” you sighed, forcing yourself to hold back your tears. “He cheated on me, twice. He had everything he wanted...no mom. Just no.”

“Love always finds a way,” she smiled softly before getting up. “See you on Friday?”

“Yeah,” you said and cleared your throat. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie.”

That night you decided to torture yourself and look at the photos you two took in the Hamptons, because it was all you had left. You told yourself a million times that you would delete them, but every time you thought you had the strength to do it, you just ended up in tears. However, you knew you needed to stop and you told yourself that you were gonna put yourself back out there. So after seeing your mom that Friday, you went out with a group of work colleagues and decided to at least try and have fun.

Insert Ryan.

He’d been trying to get your attention for some time, but you never paid much mind to him. It’s not like there was something wrong with him; he just wasn’t Ransom.

At least that’s what it was like at first.

You let him take you back to your apartment that night, and even let him kiss you goodnight. That was the limit, because you refused to let yourself move too fast or end up in another ‘friends with benefits’ relationship.

Ryan was patient and took it at the pace you wanted. In the beginning, Ryan was sweet and kind. He was considerate, passionate, compassionate, fun, and funny. God, he was so funny. You finally gave in after 6 months of friendship. He was a welcomed distraction from your heartache and maybe that’s why you ignored all the warning signs.

Sometime after 3 months of being together, between him meeting your parents, your brother (and his now family), and your friends, you noticed a shift in his attitude. He became more easily irritated, he lied about where he was going and who he was going with, and he became manipulative. Both Sam and your mother told you before it even got to that point that something was off, but you didn’t listen. You figured that after everything with Ransom, you’d spot any issues at the first sign.

You should’ve listened.

“No! I wanna know where the fuck you’re going!” you yelled at Ryan as he got dressed.

“I fucking told you, Y/N. I’m going-”

“Out is not a fucking place, Ryan!”

“So you’re gonna start questioning me because your last boyfriend fucked you over? Haven’t I always been good to you? Patient with you? After all the waiting I did to show you how much I want you and this is how you tell me you love me?” he scoffed, putting his jacket on.

You’d told him about your previous boyfriend (purposely leaving out his name), and you’d regretted it ever since because he used it against you every chance he could. “I’m not going to keep doing this with you, I swear to God. If you can’t be up front with me, I’m fucking done. You’re not going to make me feel like I’m being unreasonable when you’re the one whose changed!”

“Y/N, if you really wanna end this because you’re paranoid, there’s nothing I can do or say to stop you. I’ve-”

“You act like I haven’t seen the napkins with phone numbers on them and the fucking lipstick on your shirts!”

“I always come home you, Y/N. If I was out having all this sex with other women, I’d be pretty exhausted and just stay there, don’t ya think? I swear to Christ-”

“Even if you’re not sleeping with them, you’re fucking entertaining them!”

“I can’t stop women from being attracted to me just like you can’t stop the guys at the office from hitting on you.”

“Funny how I never let the guys at work get as close as you let these women get to you.”

“Do whatever you want, Y/N. I’m done arguing about this. I’ll be home tonight and I hope you’ll be here when I get back,” he shrugged before walking out of the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

That night, like so many other nights, you cried to yourself about not being able to just leave. You wanted to call Ransom and beg him to come and get you. You wanted him to hold you and take you away.

Back to the Hamptons.

However, you weren’t about to be the girlfriend who kept taking back her cheating boyfriend all because she loved him. You refused to be your mother. So you stayed, and just slept in the other bedroom. It took a few days of that, with you only going back to the master bedroom after he came in apologizing and promising to be better at keeping his distance from other women. You knew it was all horseshit but what else could you do?

Yeah, leaving was always an option, but leave him and do what? You’d left Ransom to try and find someone better and ended up with Ryan. You felt like if you left Ryan, you would just find a shittier version of just him and Ransom. Knowing your luck, he’d probably be a fucking serial killer. So, you stuck around and waited for him to end it, because you figured it would happen sooner or later.

Only it never did.

Ryan swore he loved you and wanted nothing more than to spend forever with you, and you just chalked it up to him telling you what he thought you wanted to hear....until he proposed to you one night after a nice night out to dinner. You wanted to say no and you meant to say no, but ‘yes’ came out instead. It didn’t help that everyone you were close to didn’t seem all that excited about it. Yes, they told you congrats and that they couldn’t wait to see you walk down the aisle, but it was very obvious that they were only saying it to be polite. You should’ve pumped the breaks then, but once again you didn’t because you were just waiting for everything to work itself out.

Months went by and Ryan was still doing the same bullshit, all while still telling you how he couldn’t wait to marry you. He was still staying out, entertaining the attention of women in the office, and telling you half truths.

One night you got so fed up that you almost did call it off. Almost.

You lit a cigarette at the kitchen table as you turned your attention to the stove clock. 1am and he still wasn’t home or responding to your texts or calls. You looked down at the diamond engagement ring on your finger and scowled. The damn thing wasn’t even your style.

“Oh hey, y-you’re up,” Ryan smiled awkwardly, but his smile was soon replaced by a scowl when he saw the cigarette in your hand. “Y/N, it’s late and I don’t-”

“Where were you?” you interrupted before taking a drag from your cigarette. You weren’t in the mood to entertain his little mind games.

“I went out with Tyler and James. You already knew that-”

“No, I knew you were going to dinner with them. It’s 1 in the fucking morning. How long does it take you to eat dinner?”

“We decided to hangout afterwards, what’s the big fucking deal?”

“Okay, if you’re not gonna be honest with me-”

“I’m being fucking honest!” he snapped as if you were in the wrong. “Why the fuck are you even marrying me if you don’t believe me?!”

“That’s a really good fucking question,” you scoffed before taking another drag of your cigarette then exhaling. “Why did you propose if you’re desperate for the attention of other women?”

“Baby-”

“In fact, why don’t you just call this whole thing off? Why don’t we just-”

“Don’t say that, baby” he cooed softly, making his way over to you. “I don’t want anyone else’s attention but yours. I just want you. I only love you,” he stated almost desperately.

It’s not like you really believed anything he was saying, and you were still so angry with yourself. Was it really all that bad to admit that you’d been in two failed relationships back to back? Were you that afraid that you’d go running back to Ransom so quickly? You were so much better and stronger than that, but you stayed anyway.

The pain quickly unraveled into something less dangerous, more like an irritation: maybe that’s what made it so easy. That pain never stopped with Ransom, it was as constant and debilitating as a migraine. You never deleted the pictures at the Hamptons, or his number, and you never stopped missing or loving him. Whereas with Ryan, you kind of just accepted the situation for what it was. Besides, it’s not like you were getting any younger.

Your mother offered to throw a celebration for the both of you at the mansion (which your father gave her in the divorce), and Ryan was all too eager to say yes.

“This is where you grew up?” Ryan wondered aloud in pure disbelief as he pulled into the elegant driveway filled with fine masonry. .

“It’s just a house, babe. Relax,” you sighed, unbuckling your seat belt.

“Hey, what’s going on? We’ve been doing really good lately and this was really nice of your mom to do. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you lied with a faux smile. “A lot has happened here and it’s been a long time since I’ve been home.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, don’t worry,” he smiled before getting out of the car and grabbing the bags.

You took a deep breath and looked over the place you once called home. The memory you had of that place was of you driving away, tears streaming down your face as you attempted to rid yourself of Ransom once and for all. You convinced yourself you were doing the right thing. In fact, you were still trying to convince yourself that you had done the right thing. In that moment, you found yourself comparing Ryan to Ransom. The Christmas that you’d gone to check on your mother after everything had happened at your father’s Christmas party, Ransom sensed your hesitation and offered to take you back to his place. He’d given a fuck about you and your happiness

‘He also cheated on you twice, Y/N. Snap out of it,’ you scolded yourself mentally.

You took a deep breath before getting yourself out of the car. You probably weren’t even going to see Ransom, so why the hell were you so scared? Even if you did, it wouldn’t matter because you were sure he’d moved on by then and you very clearly had, too. You were getting married after all.

‘Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, dumbass,’ you scoffed mentally.

“You’re here!” your mother squealed, opening the door before you even had a chance to even knock on the door.

“Hi Ma,” you smiled, wrapping her in a hug.

“What took you two so long? It’s only a 40 minute drive!”

“Someone was dragging her feet,” Ryan teased, nudging you softly.

“I bet she was,” your mother scowled before stepping aside to let you both in.

“Your home is lovely,” Ryan complimented, looking around at the high ceilings and all of the pictures and paintings that adorned the walls.

“You’re too kind! I’m still so jealous of your parent’s summer home! It’s gorgeous!”

“It’s nothing compared to this,” he laughed softly “but thank you. They should be here later in the evening.”

“That’s perfect! Everyone should be here by then!”

“Everyone? Ma, who did you invite? I told you I don’t want a big to-do-”

“Your brother, some of your friends, Harlan, a few family members-”

“Ma!”

“Stop! It’ll be fun!” she scolded. “Now, take Ryan up to your bedroom so you two can get settled.”

“Fine,” you mumbled heading towards the stairs.

“Sunshine!” your father called, right before your foot hit the first step.

“Hey dad,” you smiled softly, turning to face him.

You and your father’s relationship was on a steady road to recovery, and while it had a long way to go, you two had made steady progress since your parents divorce.

“It’s good to see you! How was the drive?” he asked, engulfing you in a hug.

“Good...long.”

“It’s been so long since you’ve been here. I’m happy you’re home, even if it is only for a few days. I’ll let you two get settled, but maybe can do breakfast tomorrow? I know tonight is gonna be crazy.”

“I’d like that,” you smiled, nodding in agreement before facing the stairs again and starting the trip up them.

The minute you and Ryan got into your room, the questions started. “Why are you so miserable about being here? Things are very clearly fine between your parents and they’re both extremely excited about all of this. What’s going on?”

“I’d really rather just not talk about it right now. There’s just a lot of weight that comes with being here. It wasn’t always this happy and welcoming. I just need some time to-”

“Babe, that may have been the case then, but that’s not case now,” he interrupted, very obviously annoyed with you. “They’re doing something insanely kind for us, so the least you could do is fix your attitude. I’m going downstairs and I suggest you get it together soon and join me down there,” he finished, dropping the bags before practically stomping out of your room.

You sighed and pulled out packet of cigarettes, quickly pulling out and lighting one up before opening the glass door and sitting in the doorway of the terrace. Why couldn’t you get it together?

“You know, Ransom cried in this room for hours when you left him,” your mother said softly, standing in the doorway of your room.

“Not right now, Ma. Please.”

“He cried for hours and slept on the bed, hoping you’d come back.”

“Why do you keep pushing Ransom on me?! He cheated on me and broke my heart! Leaving the way I did was the only way I’d really free myself of him!”

“It was cruel, babygirl.”

“Jesus, just let it go! It’s over!”

“I know why you left and I’m proud of you, because you’re smarter and stronger than I ever was. You didn’t want to become me and marry someone like your father. Ransom was young and stupid though. He had his own demons and he didn’t know how to deal with them. You and him weren’t the same as your father and I. However, you and Ryan?” she scoffed. “Stay with him and you’ll end up just like your father and I. I keep telling you that boy is awful.”

“I really can’t hear this right now. I just can’t,” you sobbed softly, taking another drag from your cigarette.

“Listen, I’m your mother and I love you. I truly just want what’s best for you. If you truly believe that Ryan is what’s best for you and that you’re over Ransom, then so be it. You know yourself better than anyone else, but I would advise you to really think all of this through. You saw everything I went through...do better than I did,” she stated earnestly before exiting the room, closing the door gently behind her.

You stayed out on the terrace and cried for what felt like forever before finally deciding that you’ve had enough. You needed to get ready for the party your parents had thrown together. You’d wanted to wear your sheer black dress, but you knew it would get under your mother’s skin and she would make a thing of it. Since she was the one putting everything together, the least you could do was look like you wanted to be there.

It hadn’t dawned on you that you were wearing an outfit that Ransom once told you he thought you looked beautiful in. You spent so much time getting ready; changing was just going to be an added inconvenience and take more time. You turned on your straightener, impatiently waiting for it to warm, and forced yourself to look at your reflection in the mirror.

You were truly angry and irritated with the person looking back at you. You didn’t want any of this, so why were you letting it happen? When did you become someone who just accepted the things they hated instead of standing up for yourself? Wasn’t that the whole point of leaving Ransom? Forcing yourself out of a situation that was no good for you because of how miserable it made you?

‘No, you leaving Ransom is what turned you into this. One man broke your heart, so you chose to surrender to fear instead of fighting it, because you’re too afraid of being hurt again. Too afraid of really living life without him. Don’t start playing dumb now,’ you mentally chided yourself.

You sighed in frustration and slammed your fist down on the dresser of your vanity. You just wanted to go home and hide.

You wanted Ransom.

“I heard someone is being a difficult little bitch,” a familiar voice mused from your bedroom doorway.

“SAM!” you squealed, getting up and running over to her before engulfing her in a hug. “What the fuck took you so long?!”

“Work bullshit,” she laughed, squeezing you back just as tight. “What’s going on babygirl?”

“There’s no fucking time to talk about it because of this fucking party.”

“Well, looks like you’re about to do your hair and makeup, so I’ll do it for you while I listen to you tell me all about what’s been going on,” she smiled, leading you both back over to your vanity and sitting you down.

You spilled your heart out to Sam about everything that had been going on between you and Ryan, both before and after the proposal. You told her about your feelings for Ransom that refused to go away, even after so much time had passed, and what your mother said. You forced yourself not to cry the entire time.

You would’ve felt awful if you’d have ruined her amazing makeup job, on top of everything else.

“I mean...your mother does have a point,” she sighed, grabbing a piece of your hair, combing it out before clamping the straightener closed and slowly pulling it down.

“For fucks sake! Not you too!”

“Just hear me out, babe. Now, I haven’t done anything with Ransom since long before you two hooked up, but even then I knew that he was destined to always be an asshole. He could be a Hall of Fame asshole, babe, but I was just looking for a good time and so was he. However, things were different from the start with you two. Ransom never had the same girl twice, and if he did, he waited at least two months before sweet talking her up again. Wasn’t it only a week with you? Maybe two. No, I still don’t believe he deserves you, but I know he loves you. He had to lose you to realize-”

“Sam-”

“Hear me out,”she repeated. “Now, he had to lose you before he really understood something he never really wanted to: you’re truly the love of his life. Something about you made that made man want to try and eventually change.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you left, he got his shit together. He started a business, stopped bar hopping as much, seemed to clean up his act...I mean, he still treats people like shit, but he’s barely ever at clubs. I have it on good authority that when he is out, he’s not sneaking off to do shady shit.”

“And how do you know?”

“He and Shawn are friends now,” she shrugged as if it were no big deal.

“I’m sorry, back the fuck up. Shawn, your husband, is friends with Ransom?”

“They get along well enough and Shawn doesn’t care that much that Ransom and I hooked up. He just says that the past is the past and I’m with him now, so why should he care?”

“Why didn’t you-”

“Because you didn’t wanna know. You didn’t wanna hear anything about it and I knew you were trying to move on, so I just didn’t say anything. Just like I never said anything to him when he asked about you. I was doing what was best for you because I love you. Now, that being said, I think you need to leave the both of them alone and just find someone new.”

“Sam-”

“No Y/N, neither one of them are good enough for you. You just need to start fresh.”

“No, I don’t need to-”

“Has there ever been a time in your life when you’re not stubborn? When you’re not putting yourself through unnecessary pain?”

“Yeah, when I finally fucking left Ransom, which you and my mom say was a mistake.”

“I didn’t say it was a mistake, babe,” she sighed, placing your grandmother’s blue diamond encrusted butterfly pin into your hair. “I was so proud of you being strong enough to leave, but its been how many years now? And you’re still hung up on Ransom? He’s still hung up on you?”

“What does that even mean?”

“He hasn’t been serious about anyone since you, babe. He hasn’t been and doesn’t care to be-”

“Hey, is it okay for a gentleman to enter?” Ryan questioned, softly knocking before making his way in with a tepid smile on his lips.

“Depends, have you seen any fucking gentlemen?” Sam muttered quietly as she straightened the last bit of your hair.

“Stop it,” you giggled softly, nudging her before turning your attention to Ryan. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everyone is just waiting to see the bride to be,” he beamed, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

‘Oh, he’s fucking wasted,’ you thought to yourself. “I’ll be down in a moment.”

“I was thinking we’d go down together,” he smiled hopefully.

“That sounds good to me,” Sam beamed, before turning her attention towards you and dipping down. “Think about what I said,” she whispered before kissing your cheek softly. “I’ll see you both downstairs!” she smiled before quickly exiting the room, softly closing the door behind her.

“Are you done with your little attitude?” Ryan questioned, irritation flickering in his eyes.

“Lets just get through the night, okay?” you huffed, getting up and smoothing out your dress, trying to ignore all of your anxiety and silent rage. ‘You’ve gotta get it together, Y/N,’ you told yourself.

“What the fuck is your deal? Y/N, I’m telling you that if you don’t-”

“And I’m warning you,” you countered harshly, grabbing your clutch, “this isn’t the night to piss me the fuck off. You be on your best behavior and I will be, too. Fuck with me, and I’ll embarrass the hell out of you,” you finished darkly. The sudden change in his demeanor let you know that turned him on. ‘Of course his toxic ass is turned on by that.’ “Lets go,” you muttered before he could act on what he wanted.

You both made your way down the grand staircase, faux smiles on your faces, and were met with cheers and applause. As people made their way over to you two, you did your best to hide all traces of irritation and longing.

Longing for him, as always.

As you made your way into the kitchen, trying to find a bottle of the good whiskey that your father always hid in there, you felt a chill run down your spine.

‘What the fuck is that all about? There’s no way...no. Nope. No. He wouldn’t do that,’ you think to yourself, quickly pouring a generous amount in your glass.

“Y/N! Darling, it’s so good to see you!” Harlan smiled, greeting you with a hug. “You look beautiful as ever.”

“Always the gentleman,” you laughed softly, returning his warm hug. You’d missed him so much.

“I’ve met Ryan, he seems like a nice boy,” Harlan beamed, but his eyes told you that he wasn’t falling for the ‘nice guy’ act. “Are you happy?”

“Yeah...yeah, I am,” you lied, trying to convince both him and yourself.

“Then that’s all that matters,” he nodded, giving you a knowing look. That man could always read you like a book. “I’ve gotta get back to your mother though, I promised her that I’d play a round of ‘Go’ with her.”

“Kick her ass,” you laughed.

“Oh, I plan on it,” he smirked, only causing you laugh harder, before he made his way out of the kitchen.

As the night went on (and you got more and more buzzed), you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was...off. You’d searched for him desperately, but there were no signs of him. Even if you had located him at the dumb little party, what the hell were you going to do? Nothing, because there was nothing you could do without making a scene, and you wouldn’t do that to your family.

“Why the hell have you been avoiding me all night?! This is our celebration party and you’ve barely been by my side!” Ryan whispered harshly. He roughly pulled you into what was once your father’s old study, but had been turned into your mother’s lounge area.

“Back off, Ryan,” you warned, yanking your arm free and taking a sip of your drink. “You aren’t the only person I know at this fucking get together. I have to make my-”

“Get together?! This is a party to celebrate our engagement! This is a party about us and you’re-”

“Who cares, Ryan? Honestly, who the fuck cares? We’ve been engaged 6 months. This is just a reason to drag my ass back to this place,” you scoffed.

“Are you gonna keep being a bitch the whole night or-”

“Is everything okay in here?” an all too familiar deep voice asked, stepping into the room.

‘Fuck, keep it together, Y/N. Keep it the fuck together,’ you repeat internally as you tried to keep calm. “Everything’s fine,” you smiled as sweetly as you could, before turning to meet Ransom’s heated gaze. His eyes were burning with anger. Had he been listening the whole time? “We were actually just-”

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” Ryan interrupted, plastic smile on his face, sauntering over and holding out his hand “I’m Ryan West. You are?”

Ransom looked at the outstretched hand before looking Ryan over. “Hugh,” he responded flatly as you did your best to stifle your chuckle, completely ignoring the outstretched hand, before returning his gaze to you. “Are you okay?” he asked again, his voice still sturdy and tough; his eyes were soft, showing genuine concern.

“I’m fine, Ransom. Thank you,” you smiled with a slight nod.

“Alright, your father’s looking for you.”

“Okay, we’ll make our way-”

“Just her,” Ransom snapped, anger returning to his eyes as he looked to Ryan.

“Where is he?” you asked, desperately trying to break the little confrontation that you were sure Ryan wasn’t even aware of.

“We’re out back, I’ll take you,” he responded, motioning with his hand for you to follow him, though his gaze was still burning holes into Ryan.

“Ransom,” you called softly, bringing him back to you.

“Yeah, lets go,” he muttered before leading the way to the back deck, leaving Ryan dumbfounded.

“Where’s my father?” you sighed, once you looked around the back deck and saw no one.

“I don’t know,” Ransom shrugged, placing a cigarette between his lips “probably making out with your mother, those two can’t keep their hands off of each other,” he smirked before lighting up.

“Jesus, Ransom!”

“Listen, it didn’t sound like things were going so great in there, so I thought I’d get you out,” he exhaled, finally looking at you.

“Thanks,” you muttered, grabbing his pack of cigarettes and grabbing your own.

“You used to only smoke when you were drunk.”

“Well, I have had a few drinks.”

“I’ve been out drinking with you, darlin’. I know for a fact that you’re not drunk.”

“Ransom-”

“You left me for him? You made a great improvement,” he chuckled before taking another drag of his cigarette.

“I didn’t leave you for him. I left you then met him. There’s a fucking difference,” you corrected harshly, finally looking him over.

He had a full beard, he’d grown out his hair, and his sweater was hugging his muscles in all the right ways. He looked older, but not old. He looked mature and a bit exhausted. Just being next to him had you thinking all the wrong things.

‘Do not do this, snap out of it!’ you chided yourself. “Why are you even here Ransom?”

“I had some business with your father,” he stated simply, looking you over and a small smirk played on his lips. “Nice dress.”

“Piss off,” you snapped. “Of course you have business with-”

“It’s not that kind of business. I don’t do any of that anymore.”

“What other business could you have?”

“He helps me manage my money, Y/N. That’s it. Whatever destructive things he does at this point have nothing to do with me.”

“Well, why would you come here of all nights? I’m more than positive-”

“I wasn’t supposed to be here this long,” he interrupted, taking another drag of his cigarette “but then...”

“But then what?”

“I saw you coming down that grand staircase,” he sighed and you could tell he wanted to end the conversation, but you weren’t ready to let him off the hook so easy.

“And?”

“All the feelings of anger and rage I had towards you just melted away. You looked gorgeous and grown up. You seemed different and yet the same. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because then I’d be able to force myself to leave you alone, but...”

“But what?”

“I know you, Y/N. For better or worse, I fucking know you and I could tell the instant I saw your eyes that you’re not happy. You haven’t been genuinely happy in a long time.”

“Ransom-”

“How could you just fucking leave? Like it was nothing? You left only to find him? Jesus, I know I’m a piece of shit, but for fucks sake-”

“Stop it, Ransom,” you warned, ashing your cigarette.

“Why? It’s just us right now. No need to lie, no need to pretend-”

“Because my mother is in the middle of throwing Ryan and I an engagement party! Because we had our shot and you fucked it up! You don’t get to be mad at me right now!”

“You didn’t have to-”

“Yes I did! You wouldn’t have let me leave and I didn’t want you to! It was best for the both of us!”

“Is that the only way you can sleep at night? Selling yourself on that bullshit?” Ransom scoffed, ashing his own cigarette.

“I can’t do this tonight, Ransom. I can’t and I won’t,” you sniffled, wiping away the few tears that dared to leave your eyes. “I’m going back inside-”

“For what?!”

“Because my fiance is in there, Ransom! Because in 2 months, I’ll be his wife and this...you can’t keep sucking me in!”

“You’re not even happy with him, but you’re gonna marry him?!”

“Goodnight, Ransom,” you sighed before turning and making your way back inside.

“You know it isn’t gonna work with him,” he whispered hotly, following closely behind you.

“Stop it!” you harshly responded, rounding the corner and searching for Sam.

“It’s not gonna work because you don’t love him, not like you love me!”

“I don’t love you!”

“Bullshit! I may be a piece of shit, but at least I’m honest!”

“That’s enough!” you snapped, whipping around so fast you almost slapped him across the face with your hair. “We’re not doing this! You need to move on, because I clearly have!” Ransom’s demeanor quickly changed and a smug, shit eating grin came to his face. “What?!”

“You’ve moved on?”

“Obviously!”

“So, you don’t love or miss me at all?” he questioned, cocking an eyebrow as he slowly started to make his way over to you.

“N-no,” you stuttered, backing away from him.

“So, if I touched right now...?”

“It wouldn’t mean a thing,” you lied confidently, as your back hit the wall. All you wanted was for him to touch you.

“So being this close does nothing for you?” he whispered hotly into your ear. “Cause I gotta tell ya, Princess, being this close and not doing anything is driving me insane.”

“Ransom,” you breathlessly moaned, though, it was supposed to be a warning call.

“Missed hearing all the sounds you make for me when I’m deep inside of you, Princess,” he husked as his hand gently caressed the side of your face.

“Fuck...stop it, Ransom,” you weakly protested, your breathing starting to become heavy.

“I miss you, baby.”

“Ransom...please,” you begged softly, not really sure if you were telling him to stop or to keep going.

“Lets just go. Get the fuck out of here and-”

“Everything okay here?” your dad questioned, causing both and Ransom to to jump.

“Everything is fine,” you quickly responded, clearing your throat, smoothing out your dress.

“Y/N-”

“There you three are! I went out back but couldn’t find anyone,” Ryan smiled making his way over to you. You didn’t miss the quiet scowl that left Ransom’s lips. “Everything okay?”

“Everything is apparently fine,” your father responded, cutting his eyes at both you and Ransom.

“I think it’s starting to wind down, so I figured you’d wanna start saying goodbye,” Ryan smiled, but his eyes held so much confusion.

“I’ll get back out there then,” you smiled , quickly getting yourself away from Ransom and making your way to the living area.

You only got out a few goodbyes before Ransom decided to...well, be Ransom.

“Hey, everyone!” he called from the middle of the grand staircase, big smile on his face. You already knew this wasn’t going to be good. “I feel so terrible because I didn’t bring a gift and I didn’t even know about the engagement! So, tomorrow, I’ll be closing my restaurant on Boston Post Rd early so we can do an engagement dinner for the lovely couple! It’ll start at 7!” he beamed with a faux smile.

“That’s so kind of you!” you beamed, smile just as fake as his, “but I just wouldn’t feel right-”

“We’d love that so much! Thank you, Hugh!” Ryan enthusiastically cheered, as you face palmed yourself.

In that moment, you truly could’ve strangled Ryan. You did your best to mask your utter rage and made eye contact with Sam.

‘He owns a fucking restaurant?!’ you mouthed to her.

‘Three’ she mouthed with a nod.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow,” Harlan smiled brightly, wrapping you in a tight hug.

“I guess so,” you laughed incredulously, hugging him back just as tightly.

“Are you okay?” he whispered sincerely.

“Who the hell knows?” you responded before pulling away. “Tomorrow at 7?”

“I’ll see you at 7,” he smiled weakly before letting go, making his way to your mother.

That night you let Ryan fuck you senseless. It wasn’t even that you enjoyed the feeling of his skin on yours; it was you needing relief from everything Ransom made you feel earlier. In the end, Ryan brought you off, but it wasn’t what you needed. Ryan was a good fuck, sure, but that’s all he’d ever be. You couldn’t ever get to the level of satisfaction that Ransom brought you, but that wasn’t his fault.

Every time you and Ryan fucked, you found yourself comparing him to Ransom. Not necessarily on purpose, but you couldn’t help it. Size difference aside, the skill wasn’t there. Nor the passion, and that was the main thing. You wanted so badly to make love to him, but it just wasn’t there. Every time you two were together it felt like a college hookup. Just something for fun and to take your mind off whatever was stressing you out.

It was all consuming with Ransom. You didn’t just want the sex, you needed him. Every part of him. Every part of making love to him felt intimate and soul stirring. Every time he filled you with his love, you felt like you two were one. Every time he was deep inside of you, it made you forget that anyone else even existed. Ransom always took his time with you, worshiped every part of you, and made sure to tell you just how much he truly and deeply loved you- no matter how filthy and dirty the sex was. Then, when all was said and done, he’d just hold you and press soft kisses into your hair. He’d ask you about your day or just stroke your back until you fell asleep.

Being intimate with Ransom always felt like you were finally coming home. Whereas with Ryan, he was ready to leave as soon as it was over. There was no care, no cuddling, no sweet talking...he’d just get up and tell you he had work to do or that he was gonna go and, “see the guys”.

By sunrise the next day, you were more than ready to go to breakfast with your father and get far away from Ryan.

“Sweetheart,” your father started as the waiter placed your two coffees down. “Are you happy?”

“That’s a complicated question,” you sighed, taking a sip of your coffee and leaning back into your seat.

“It’s really not.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to be honest with me.”

“No, you really don’t,” you scoffed, taking out your pack of cigarettes.

“Sunshine, we’ve been through enough bullshit that I think we can both handle anything at this point.”

“What’s going with you and mom?” you asked, pulling out a cigarette and placing it between your lips, waiting for the light Spring breeze to pass before lighting up.

“We’re...trying to see if there’s any way for us to get back to where we were. She understandably has her reservations. So we’re just going at a pace that works for her.”

“Men really make no sense,” you chuckled, taking a drag from your cigarette, then exhaling. “You all will have everything you want, then throw it away. Simply because you can.”

“That’s not what happened with your mother, Y/N. I did love her and I saw how much I was hurting her, but...”

“But?”

“Remember when you were younger and you couldn’t resist doing dangerous, dumb shit? Like climbing to the very top of trees or jumping off the roof of the shed into the pool?”

“Yeah?” you laughed softly, remembering how much your mother would scream at you whenever she caught you in the act.

“Remember how much we told you to stop? How much your mother would cry when you’d hurt yourself, and how much I would I worry?”

“Yeah.”

“You still did it though, because you got a thrill out of it. It was a high for you and you loved it, no matter how much it hurt us. That’s what it was for me. I met your mother when I was a kid and had nothing. We struggled and then I started to do better. When that happened, the only thing I wanted to do was something good for your mother, because she’d stood by me through everything. Then the attention started coming in, and that’s something I’d never had before, and I liked it. It wasn’t bad at first, but somehow it started to spiral. After you were born, I told myself that I’d stop because I didn’t want you to hate me like your brother did. I was fine with it at first, because I was truly happy to have all of you. John and I were getting along, your mother was actually happy to have me around, and you thought the world of me.”

“So what happened?”

“I missed it. The attention, the partying, the drugs...I missed the thrill of it. I wasn’t proud of it and I could see that I was hurting your mother, but it was fun and I was a selfish fuck. It took my daughter representing my now ex-wife for me to realize how much I truly fucked up. You and John hating me...it’s what I deserve-”

“We don’t hate you, dad,” you sighed, taking one final drag of your cigarette before putting it out.

“I know...you know what I mean. Anyway, that’s a very long winded answer to your question,” he smiled softly.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” you smiled with a slight nod before taking a sip of your coffee.

“Now, what’s going on with you and Ransom?”

“Nothing,” you sighed, running your hand through your hair.

“I thought we weren’t bullshitting each other, sweetie.”

“I’m telling you the truth,” you scoffed. “It’s been over between us for years.”

“Didn’t look like it was over last night.”

“That was just Ransom being Ransom.”

“I don’t know what you did to him, but he changed after you left.”

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” you scowled, as the waiter made his way back over to take your orders. You felt your father’s gaze on you and you knew what was coming next.

“Sunshine, do you love him?” he asked as soon as the waiter was out of ear shot.

You contemplated having another cigarette before answering, but opted for playing with your lighter instead. “I always love him. Like a fucking fool.”

“And Ryan?”

“What about him? I’m marrying him aren’t I?”

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t know...yes? Sometimes? “

“So, you know you love Ransom, but you’re basically in like with Ryan?”

“Dad please, it’s...I can’t be with Ransom, okay? Too much has happened there...I don’t want to end up like you and mom,” you huffed as your food arrived.

“You aren’t happy, Sunshine. You smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish, cry when you think no one is looking, and you’re more angry than not. You weren’t always like this. At least not when you were sneaking around with Ransom.”

“Too bad Ransom cheated on me. Twice.”

“He was a child-”

“Don’t okay? Just fucking don’t. He wasn’t a child-”

“Y/N, not everyone is you. There’s no excuse for what he did and I’m still angry at him for what he did, but I get it. If you’re still this in love with him and not sure about Ryan-”

“This is for the best. What’s wrong between Ryan and I is on me,” you lied, stabbing at your eggs with your fork like they stole something precious from you. “I need to let go and move on completely. Getting married will help me do that.”

“You know you the best,” your father scoffed as he poured syrup onto his waffles. “If you truly believe that this is what’s best, then I’ll be more than happy to walk you down the aisle, alongside your mother, and give you away, but you need to be sure this is what you truly want. Trust me, I would know,” he warned.

The rest of breakfast went off without a hiccup and was mainly spent talking about the arrangements for your wedding. Your parents were footing the bill, despite you begging them not to, and your father was insisting on you having the wedding closer to home. You told him that it made no sense to change venues so close to the wedding date, but he promised that he could make anything happen. After he pushed, for the 5th time, you promised him that you would discuss it with Ryan.

Too bad that turned out to be a pain in the ass.

“I don’t know, maybe we should ask Hugh how he feels about it tonight,” he humorlessly laughed as he buttoned his pants.

“You’re the one who accepted his invite.”

“Because he needs to be put in his fucking place!”

“Sure babe, sure,” you laughed as you tied your hair up in a bright red ribbon.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“You aren’t gonna be the one to put Drysdale in his place. I’m not even being a bitch, it’s just a fact.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Ransom loves conflict, he thrives off drama, and he lives to piss off and offend others. He fucks with whomever and whatever he wants, and he’ll make sure to humiliate whomever gets in his way. That’s his territory, so just stand down.”

“Oh? Did he fuck you?”

“My father would have killed him,” you lied with a chuckle. No need to add more drama to an already stressful day.

“So there’s nothing for me to worry about?”

“Not as far as I know,” you shrugged, giving a fake smile.

The drive to the restaurant was filled with wedding talk, work talk, and petty arguments about Ransom.

“Then lets just fucking go back to my parent’s place!” you snapped as he pulled into the parking lot.

“And let him win? No!”

“Let him win what? What are you even talking about?”

“This is clearly some ego thing with him! The restaurant is called ‘Sunshine’! Isn’t that what your father calls you?!”

“Exactly. It’s what my father calls me. I don’t know why Ransom named his restaurant that, probably because it sounds like the name of a porn star,” you shrugged, grabbing your purse and looking yourself over in the mirror.

“Whatever, I’m gonna put this asshole in his place tonight.”

“Whatever you say, babe.. Whatever you say.”

As you made your way inside, you can’t help but marvel at the masterpiece in front of you. Ransom really created a beautiful castle subtly filled with all of the things you loved. The warm colored walls, the pictures of friends and family (though you could tell that some of them were photo shopped), even the cutlery plates were your favorite style. You were torn between feeling overwhelmed with love and happiness at the gesture and feeling angry and resentful about it.

The center pieces on each table were beautiful; translucent frosted rose vases, filled with peonies. The fact that he still remembered- after all of the time and drama that passed- had you fighting back tears.

‘He had his chance and he fucked up! Why is he always fucking with my head?!’ you thought to yourself as the hostess seated you and Ryan at the head table, along with both of your families.

Ryan’s mother greeted you with a faux smile on her lips and a scowl in her eyes, as per usual, while his father looked happier to see you than usual.

“So Y/N, you’ve lived quite a life out here!” Mrs. West beamed as the waiter filled her wine glass with Merlot.

“I guess so,” you shrugged uncomfortably. You hated talking about money and hated people knowing that your parents have a ton of it. It made you feel like you fell into that role of ‘poor little rich girl’ cliche, which is the last thing you wanted.

You didn’t need or want anyone’s judgment or pity. As if on cue, Ransom showed up.

‘Always saving me. Always breaking me,’ you told yourself mentally.

“How is everyone?” he asked looking around the table, but his gaze settled on you, and you knew he could tell how uncomfortable you were.

“We’re all wonderful,” Ryan’s mother smirked, drinking him in. You couldn’t help but shake your head and chuckle.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he smiled down at her with his boyish grin that always made women feral over him. You knew he was having fun at Ryan’s expense, and the part of you that was still petty was enjoying every bit of it.

“Hugh, if you could just get the bill now I can settle-”

“It’s a gift,” Ransom smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Besides, I can afford it. No big deal,” he shrugged before turning his attention back to the table. “Just wanted to let everyone know that changes were made for tonight’s menu in honor of the bride and groom to be. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my office,” he smiled at you before turning to leave.

“Why don’t you join us?” your mother chimed in, causing you to choke on your wine.

“Yeah, since you put all of this together, it’s only right that you join us. Besides, this is for friends and family,” Ryan smirked.

Ransom looked to you before he spoke and saw how uncomfortable you were, and whatever smart ass comment was about to leave his mouth stopped. “I’d love to, but unfortunately, I have a lot of work to get to.”

“Sounds like it would do you some good to have me pay the bill,” Ryan chuckled, taking a sip of his scotch.

In Ransom’s defense, he really had to tried to be decent, but they’re some things you just can’t change.

“Besides this one, I have two other restaurants that I own and manage, all three have just been voted in the top 5 best places to eat in Massachusetts. In fact, in order to put this dinner together for you two lovebirds last minute, I had to shut down a photo shoot that’s been planned for weeks and now have get it done before the end of next week so it makes the deadline for all the travel magazines and blogs. Just minor stuff, you know. So no, I don’t need you to pay for anything. What I need is for you to be more grateful and a little more fucking polite, while you sit here and drink my best scotch for free,” Ransom growled.

You just wanted the ground to swallow you whole as both you and Sam made eye contact, looking at each other with pure panic and dread.

“Auntie Y/N!” your niece, Sydney, called as she ran over to you.

“Oh thank God,” you mumbled before getting up and meeting her halfway. “Lovebug! How are you?!” you exclaimed, picking her up and showering her with kisses.

“I’m better today! Sorry we didn’t come to your party last night,” she sighed mournfully.

“That’s okay, peanut, you’re all here now,” you smiled at the sad 4 year old, who then instantly brightened up. “You wanna know a secret?” you whispered.

“Mhm,” she nodded furiously.

“You’re my favorite person here,” you smirked as she giggled, “but shhh!”

All she did was nod and hold a finger over her lips. Your niece truly was your most favorite person in the world.

“Hey sis,” your brother John smiled, engulfing you in a hug. “What the fuck is going on over there?” he whispered in your ear, and you knew he was referring to an angry Ransom and Ryan.

“Later. Much later,” you muttered before greeting Ashley, who couldn’t wait to hug you. “You all take a seat and order what you want, it’s very much on the house,” you mumbled to her with a soft smile.

“Why do I have a feeling that this being paid for by Ransom is part of the problem?”

“Because you’re not just pretty, you’re really smart too,” you smiled and Ashley couldn’t help but laugh.

You helped them all get get seated as close to the front of the table as possible, before Ransom stalked off to his office. You jumped a little in your seat when he slammed the door shut. You felt the eyes of Sam and your family on you, but you just kept your attention on the menu in front of you, which happened to be filled with all of your favorite meals and deserts.

‘Always the charmer,’ you thought to yourself while a small smile played on your lips.

“We’re talking about this later,” Ryan whispered to you, as the waiters came around to take everyone’s orders.

“No, we’re not,” you snapped back in a hushed tone.

“Something went on between you two-”

“Ryan, you were a complete dick to him. That whole exchange could’ve been avoided if you’d stop believing that the world owes you something. Your obsession with status and money is truly remarkable,” you huffed.

“Y/N, you’re one to talk-”

“So Ryan, how have things been at the firm?” John interjected, once he noticed how fired up you were getting.

“Things are amazing! Your sister is kicking so much ass-”

“That’s a bad word!” Sydney sassed and gave her a small smile and a wink.

“You’re right, I’m very sorry,” Ryan smiled at her as she held her angry scowl at him. “You’re aunt is doing amazing at work.”

“Of course she is, she’s the best,” Sydney nodded matter-of-factly.

“That’s amazing, sunshine,” your father beamed at you.

“Yeah, she may even make partner before the wedding,” Ryan grumbled as you rolled your eyes. He hated that you made more money than him.

“Really?! Sis, that’s awesome!”

“It’s really not a big deal. I’ve been told I love to argue, so it finally turned into something that puts food on the table,” you smirked, remembering when Ransom poked fun at you.

“Yeah, but with partner, you’ll making-”

“Can we table the money talk for a while? It really doesn’t matter,” you chuckled uncomfortably.

“Of course it doesn’t matter, you have it,” Ryan muttered.

“And so do you, so drop it,” you snapped, your irritation reaching its boiling point.

“Have you two talked about changing venues at all?” your mother questioned, wanting to change the souring mood as quickly as possible.

“We still haven’t decided,” Ryan smiled towards her.

“The wedding is 2 months out! The quicker you decide, the quicker we can make the arrangements!”

“I just don’t see why we need to change the venue,” you huffed as your plate of lamb and potatoes were placed in front of you.

You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Ransom had placed your order for you.

“You’re already so far, sweetie. We just want one thing that’s closer to home,” your mother smiled sympathetically.

That made you feel a little bad.

“What venue are you two so dead set upon?” you asked her with a small smile.

“The 228 In Sterling!”

“That place is gorgeous.”

“It’s simple enough and I know you love simplicity! It’s a farm and-”

“A farm?” Ryan’s mother interjected. “I thought that we all agreed that a simple venue was the way to go.”

“If my daughter isn’t comfortable, I don’t want her-”

“I want everyone to be happy and comfortable,” Mrs. West quickly interjected. “I just want it to be in a civilized manner.”

“There’s nothing uncivilized about a barn wedding. Especially when you’re spending-”

“I need to take this call,” you smiled, happy that a spam call finally came in handy. “It’s the office, so it may take some time.”

“Of course,” Ryan scowled, “we’ll be here waiting for you.”

“I’ll be as quick as I can,” you smiled before you rushed off with your little purse. You pressed ignore on your phone then pressed it to your ear, “Erin! How is everything going with the Wilkes case?” you asked loudly.

You went to duck into the coat check room, but the coat check girl was still there.

“Hey, can you leave for like...30 minutes?” you asked as kindly as you could, pulling out your pack of cigarettes and taking one.

“Um...I really can’t. I know this party is for you, but Mr. Drysdale-”

“If he gives you a hard time, just tell him it was all my fault.”

“Miss Y/L/N, I-”

“Listen...?”

“Diana.”

“Diana,” you smiled, lighting a cigarette, “I’m having a really fucked day and none of it is your fault, but I really just need a few minutes to escape. If you’re really that afraid of Ransom, send him in here and I’ll talk to him.”

“You can’t smoke in-”

“Diana, really fucking terrible day,” you smiled, but your aggravation was starting to show.

“Let me just go and get Mr. Drysdale,” she smiled frantically before she practically ran out.

You took maybe two drags from your cigarette before Ransom burst in and slammed the door shut behind him. “What the fuck, princess?”

“You have your employees that afraid of you?”

“Only when I’m stressed the fuck out. What the hell is going on?”

“Why are you stressed?”

“Y/N, what’s the problem?”

“I’m just done for the day. It’s been argument after argument and I just can’t fucking do it anymore. I’m done.”

“How the fuck is what happened between that little prick and me my fault? He started it!”

“When did I say it was your fault? I’m well aware that Ryan is an asshole, I know that little outburst was his fault.”

“Oh,” he states softly. “Then why are you with him?”

“Ransom, I’m tired and I don’t feel like doing this right now,” you sighed before taking another drag from your cigarette.

“There’s no smoking in here.”

“Oh seriously? Fuck off!”

“Go smoke outside.”

“Ransom, if I walk outside that door, I’ll just fucking run away. I’ll run until my feet bleed and my legs give out,” you muttered, running a frustrated hand through your hair.

“Then explain it to me. Explain all of this to me, because I just don’t fucking get it. This isn’t you.”

“As if you know me.”

“I’ve known you since the first time I laid eyes on you.”

“Ransom, just stop. Fucking stop. Why are you even doing this?”

“I wanted to see what I was missing. What the fucking appeal of him is, if he ever treats you right...if you actually love him.”

“Stop it.”

“You don’t. He’s just a good time for you.”

“Go away,” you snap, fighting back tears.

“Then stop fucking smoking in my coat check area.”

“Why are you being such a dick?!”

“Because you’re being a bitch.”

“Fuck you,” you scoffed and threw your cigarette down, stomping it. “Just send me the bill for this little shit show and I’ll cover it.”

“I don’t fucking need you to cover it,” he snapped.

“Yeah whatever, fuck you,” you muttered as you bent over to pick up the bludgeoned cigarette.

You should’ve read the room. You should’ve seen the signs and noticed his mood, but you didn’t. The minute you bent over, Ransom’s hand was sliding under the bottom of your dress. You couldn’t stop the moan that left your mouth and you honestly didn’t want to. You wanted him.

You needed him.

“You had to fucking look like this tonight?” he growled as he hooked two fingers onto your panties and slowly started pulling them down.

“Ransom...don’t,” you warned with a quiet whimper.

“You come back here, looking fucking gorgeous as ever, and you’re telling me not to fucking touch you?”

“Ransom-”

“He’s not who you fucking want, princess,” he husked as he stroked your soaked lips with two fingers. “He doesn’t make you feel good like I do, does he?”

“Please,” you groaned, losing your resolve.

“No, you’re gonna fucking tell me the truth,” he grunted before sliding his two fingers inside of you.

“Oh fuck!” you whimper as quietly as you can.

“Does he get you off like I do?”

“No,” you moaned, leaning against the desk top, gripping it tight.

“He doesn’t even make you feel good?”

“No!”

“Quiet princess, you don’t wanna get caught do you?” When you didn’t answer him, you could tell that he knew he had you. “Don’t get quiet on me on me now, baby.”

“Ransom please!” you begged quietly, your release building up.

“You need to be fucked like a little slut, don’t you?”

“Yes...yes please!”

“Been so long since someone has treated you the way you deserve to be treated, hasn’t it?”

“You have no fucking idea,” you confessed with a silent sob.

“That’s okay,” he quipped, removing his two fingers despite your protest, before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants: “I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

“Ransom...fuck!” you mewled, suddenly remembering how wrong all of it truly was as he thrust himself inside of you. “We can’t do this!”

“Why not? What’s the problem?” he grunted, fucking into you as if he’d been alone in the world for thousands of years. “We both want this-”

“Ransom...oh my fuck! I’m with someone else!”

“Someone who can’t even satisfy you,” he chuckled before pulling the red ribbon in your hair loose, letting your hair fall freely. “You don’t even love him, do you?”

“I do!”

“Not like you love me,” he retorted, picking up his pace.

You knew that lying to him when he had you in such a position was pointless. “Ransom-”

“No princess, I need you to tell me the truth. I need to fucking hear it,” he almost begged as he fucked faster, more intensely.

“Please don’t make me-”

“You don’t love him like you love me, do you?”

“No!” you confessed breathlessly as you came hard on his cock.

“That’s my girl, such a good girl for Daddy,” he moaned, as he pulled you upright, pushing his cock even deeper inside.

“Shit!” you squealed, covering your mouth almost instantly.

“Oh, I think you want him to catch us,” Ransom husked against the shell of your ear before nipping on it. “You want him to catch us so he can finally see the right way to fuck you. Is that it?” You couldn’t stop yourself from clenching around him. “God, I missed how fucking filthy you can be,” he chuckled as he started fondling your beasts over your dress. “Fuck, I’ve missed this perfect little cunt so much!”

“Ransom...I’m so close!” you whimpered, wrapping an arm around his neck, your back pressing against his chest.

“Do it, baby!” Ransom whispered hotly against your ear. “Fucking cum for me!”

“Oh God!” you sobbed quietly, your orgasm washing over you so hard your legs almost gave out.

Ransom let you get yourself together before his own movements started to become erratic. “Where do you want it, princess?”

In that moment, you truly appreciated Ransom, because he knew. He knew you just needed a release; besides getting you to admit that you did still love him, it had been filthy and a good way to get rid of stress. He also knew that for him to cum inside you would be entirely too intimate for you. He knew you couldn’t handle that.

Not on top of everything else.

“My mouth,” you moaned softly. “Please...m-my mouth.”

“Gonna need you to get on your knees pretty fucking quick, baby,” he groaned, pulling out of you.

You were on your knees almost instantly, looking up at him with your mouth open wide.

“Shit, you look so good on your knees for me,” he moaned as you got your mouth around him. You started to massage his cock with your tongue as you sucked on him, “You’re so good at this, baby. So fucking good at pleasing me,” he grunted, grabbing a fistful of your hair as he lulled his head back and started breathing heavy. Once you started massaging his balls, Ransom legs almost gave out. “Shit!” he breathlessly moaned, his release quickly filling your mouth.

You took your time cleaning him up as an act of kindness. You made sure you got every last drop out before releasing him, wiping the sides of your mouth, and getting up.

“How do you feel?” he asked as he tucked himself back into his pants.

“I need to get back,” you said breathlessly. “Where’s my ribbon?”

“It doesn’t matter, do you feel any better?”

“Ransom, I just cheated on my fucking fiancee. I feel like a piece of shit because I am a piece of shit.”

“Princess, I’m pretty sure he cheated on you a few times.”

“That actually doesn’t make me feel better. Give me my panties,” you demanded.

“I’m keeping these as a souvenir,” he chuckled with a devilish grin.

The fact that it turned you on made you feel a brand new type of rage...and desire. “Fuck you!”

“You just did.”

You slapped him hard before storming out of the coat check area. Before walking back into the dinning area you took a deep breath and smoothed your hands down over your dress. You cleared your throat before walking back in the dining room to your seat.

“Jesus, that took forever,” Ryan mumbled as he kissed your cheek. “Where’s your ribbon?” he asked when he noticed your hair down.

“Oh, I decided to take it out when I was outside and dropped it at some point,” you lied with a small smile.

“That sucks, my mother likes your hair better when it’s up. I do too,” he faintly smiled before returning his attention back to a conversation between your father and his.

You tried to focus on the food in front of you, but how could you? What had you just done? It barely took Ransom a full 24 hours to get between your legs and get you to confess how you really felt about him. You really were weak whenever you were around him.

Just one touch...

As you continued to drown yourself in self hate and true disbelief at how easily you cracked, you felt a pair of eyes on you. You looked over at the table next to yours; Sam’s eyes are glued to you, one eyebrow raised.

She knew. Of course she knew. She knew you better than you knew yourself.

A few moments later, you felt your phone buzz and you already knew who it was.

Other Half: Tell me you didn’t.

Y/N: Please don’t make me hate myself more than I already do.

Other Half: WHY?!

Y/N: Because I’m fucking pathetic, and should’ve stayed far the fuck away from here.

Other Half: Stop it, it’s not the end of the world. It’s a one and done thing, right?

Y/N: Absolutely. I’m staying far the fuck away from him for the rest of the time I’m here.

Other Half: Then just...leave it at that. It’s not like Ryan’s squeaky clean and this is the first time you’ve ever done anything out of line.

Y/N: It’s still not right.

Other Half: It’s just Ransom, babe. Just think of it as a form of release and move on.

Y/N: You know he’s much more than ‘just Ransom’ to me.

Other Half: That’s why I said to move on, love.

You put your phone down and took a giant sip of wine, letting the events of the day and Sam’s words roll around in your head. You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t noticed that Ransom had started going from table to table asking everyone about their meals.

“Everything was amazing,” Ryan’s mother beamed at him, causing you jump a little as you went for another sip of wine.

“Y/N, you’ve barely eaten. Big meal earlier?” Ransom smirked with a cocked eyebrow and you choked on your wine.

“It was great, I just don’t have much of an appetite right now,” you sputtered, shooting a glare Sam’s way as she tried to stifle her chuckle.

“Ya know, you should cater the wedding,” Ryan’s mother smiled at him. She really was smitten with him.

“We have a caterer, mother,” Ryan all but growled through gritted teeth. “Besides, with three restaurants to run, I’m sure he wouldn’t have time for our little wedding, especially on such short notice.”

“It’s all up to Y/N,” Ransom smiled at you sincerely. “She knows there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

“Thank you Ransom,” you smiled as sweetly as you while trying to silence all of the voices in your head telling you to run.

“I’ll let you all get back to it,” he smiled at the table before walking over to Sam’s.

You could feel Ryan’s glare on the side of your face, but you were just too tired to care. You didn’t even want to come back home, but he insisted. He was just going to have to deal with the consequences at this point.

As the night bore on, you got drunk. The list of reasons was long and growing: you were mad at and ashamed with yourself, you were angry with Ryan, you were angry with and missed Ransom, your parents and future in-laws wouldn’t shut the fuck up about wedding venues, and your shoes were too tight and hurt. By the time the night finally came to an end, both sides were happy to tell you that they’d agreed on a venue closer to your parents mansion; the reception could be held there.

Made sense, because when did anyone ever give a shit about what you wanted?

“I’m getting you two a car service,” Ransom said as he saw you stumbling past the coat check while Ryan started to look a little rough around the edges.

“No thanks, Hugh,” Ryan smiled sarcastically. “I’m fine to get my fiancee and myself home safe.”

“You had 6 glasses of scotch. You’re not driving either of you anywhere,” Ransom warned with a low growl.

“Guys, stop it,” you slurred, finally giving in and taking your shoes off.

“What is all this? Some big show for her? A final play to win her love? She’s with me, Hugh,” Ryan scoffed, pushing Ransom.

Oh, he was more drunk than anyone originally thought.

“Why are you picking a fight?!” you hissed at Ryan, quickly getting in between the both of them. “You’ve done nothing but be an asshole-”

“And you’re just eating it up!” he snapped at you. “You haven’t seen the way he’s been looking at you all night? The way he was looking at you last night?”

“Ryan, we’re both drunk. It’s been a long day and we both just need to sleep it off,” you sighed, too tired to keep going back and forth. You were also mortified that all of this was happening in front of your friends and family.

“You can sit here and pretend he’s not trying to get in your fucking pants if you want, but I’m tired of it!”

“Watch it,” Ransom warned.

“Everyone just needs to calm down,” John snapped, getting in between you and Ryan.

“She’s my fiancee, Hugh. She’ll never be yours and you need to accept that or we’re gonna have a real fucking problem on our hands,” Ryan growled.

Ransom just chuckled humorlessly and you knew he was doing all he could to not beat Ryan into a pulp. “The car will be here to pick you two up in 5 minutes. Enjoy the rest of your night,” he dryly quipped before he stormed off towards his office, slamming the door shut.

If looks could kill, Ryan would’ve been dead in an instant. Between your father, John, Sam, his parents, your mother, and you it was a wonder that he was still even standing.

The minute you two got into the car, Ryan went off. You just closed your eyes and clenched your fists. You couldn’t have another argument in front of a total stranger.

“Are you even listening to me?!” he snapped at you, slamming his hand down on the empty seat between you two.

All you did was open your eyes and glare at him in a way that made him cower slightly. He didn’t say a word for the rest of the drive.

When you two finally arrived at your parents mansion, all of the fun parts of your buzz wore off and all you were left with was rage. “Ma’am, are you gonna be okay with him?” the driver asked once Ryan was stumbling out the car and up the steps like a baby.

“I’ll be fine,” you huffed, your angry gaze following him.

“Mr. Drysdale will want me to-”

“Mr. Drysdale? Hugh Ransom Drysdale?”

“Yes ma’am, I’m his personal driver,” the man smiled weakly.

You let out an incredulous laugh, doing your best to contain the new wave of anger that washed over you. “Please let Mr. Drysdale know that I am perfectly fine and he needs to stay out of situations that don’t pertain to him. I know I sound like a bitch right now but my anger isn’t directed at you. I’m just sick of people today,” you huffed, feeling bad about the sharpness in your tone.

“Believe me, I understand,” he chuckled, “I’ll be sure to pass your message along to Mr. Drysdale,” he nodded before pulling off.

You quickly stormed up the steps and slammed the door shut behind you once you made your way inside. You could hear raised voices from your father’s old study and stormed ahead towards it.

“Where’s Sydney?” you asked Ashley as soon as you reached your destination.

“She’s sleeping, thank God,” she muttered, taking a sip of her whiskey.

“Good,” was all you said before storming to the center of the room, getting between your father and Ryan. “Are you fucking stupid?!” you screamed at Ryan. “I really wanna fuckin’ know! Are you fucking stupid?!”

“Y/N-”

“My four year old fucking niece was there, you idiot! Have you lost your mind?! To speak to me and Ransom like that in front of a fucking child?! It’s one thing if its a room full of adults, but a child?!”

“Sis-”

“Do I sound like I’m finished speaking?!” you snapped at John and he quickly went quiet. “If you ever speak to me or anyone else like that in front of her again, I swear to God that I will leave your ass on the spot! Am I fucking clear?!”

“Baby-”

“AM I CLEAR?!” you yelled at him with more force than you knew you had.

“Yes,” he responded softly, looking at his feet. “Can we just talk about this while we’re getting ready for bed?”

“You must be high as a fucking kite if you think you’re getting anywhere near me tonight. You’re sleeping in the fucking guest room, which is more than you deserve,” you bite before storming out of the room and up the steps.

The minute you get to your room, you close it as softly as you can so you don’t wake Sydney, before starting to pace as a weak attempt to calm your nerves.

“Hey psycho, I see you still need to get your anger in check,” John laughed softly as he made his way into your room.

“I could slap the shit out of him, I swear to God,” you grumbled through grit teeth.

“You need to calm down.”

“What the fuck do you think I’m trying to do, John?” you hissed at him.

“Yes, Ryan did everything wrong tonight, and dad had to hold me back from hitting him a few times, but Ransom was making advances towards you, sis. You had to notice that.”

“Who fucking cares, John? Honestly, who gives a shit? He doesn’t know my history with him and at the end of the fucking day, Ryan’s gaudy ass ring is on my finger! Who cares?!”

“You did disappear for a bit.”

“Ryan goes off for a bit more often than not. Now he knows how it fucking feels.”

“Come again?” John questioned, clenching his fists.

Too tired, angry, and drunk to lie, you just tell the truth. “He’s a fucking cheater, John! He cheats on me and then makes me think that I’m being paranoid and crazy when I know I’m not! He throws my past traumas in my face and tells me that it’s not fair that I project all that shit onto him! It’s not like he’s some fucking saint that I’m fucking over! This is the first and only time he has felt an ounce of what he always makes me feel!”

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” your brother huffed, marching towards your door.

“No, because it’s been fucking resolved. We’ve been doing better, with the exception of tonight-”

“Y/N, this isn’t you. You don’t settle.”

“Clearly, I fucking do,” you mumbled as you made your way over to the drinking cart in your room. “I left Ransom and found Ryan. I’ll fucking leave Ryan and end up with someone worse.”

“You don’t know that.”

“John...please just don’t, okay? I’m gonna fucking deal with Ransom tomorrow and-”

“Like you dealt with him today?”

“Oh fuck off,” you scoffed, taking a sip of your whiskey.

“Everyone who knows the history between you and Ransom knows what you did.”

“Do you all want gold stars?”

“You can’t keep going back and forth, Y/N.”

“What the fuck does that even mean? I haven’t seen or spoken to Ransom in years. All of this has just been a lot and I needed the release. It means nothing.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

“Yes. I’m not the same person I was in college. Not entirely the same person. Yes, I do still love him, but too much has happened, John. Too much time has passed and we just aren’t in the same place we were in before. It’s over,” you sighed, wiping away the few tears that spilled out.

“I just want you to be happy, Y/N. If there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s you. Just make sure you’re making the right choice,” he sighed in defeat. “I’m going to bed though. I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m buzzed, my daughter cried for 2 hours because of that little display at Ransom’s restaurant, and my wife and sister are furious. I need to fucking sleep,” he laughed to himself.

“Sleep tight,” you smiled softly as he kissed your forehead.

“I love you.”

“I love you,” you stated softly before he left your room.

You showered repeatedly that night, trying scrub the day off of you. You knew it was useless because the memories weren’t going anywhere. You’d given yourself to Ransom, and no matter how much you tried to look at it as just a release, it was so much more than that. You’d told Ransom you loved him and that you loved him more than you loved Ryan. You told him that you didn’t love Ryan in the way that you loved him.

Why couldn’t you tell him no? Why did you always have to fall apart for him? Ransom had hurt you so deeply and it still hurt, so why couldn’t you just turn off your feelings? Why couldn’t you stop loving him?

Those questions and more wracked your brain as you tried to get some sleep, but you couldn’t sleep for more than an hour or so at a time. By the time the sun was up the next day, so were you; sitting up in your bed and smoking a cigarette. You looked out at your terrace, dreading what you were about to do next.

You at least had to try though.

You got out of bed before anyone was even awake and grabbed the keys to your father’s 2019 Aston Martin Rapide before rushing out, speeding to Ransom’s house.

“Open up!” you screamed, banging on his door, not caring whose peace you disturbed in the process. “I know you’re home! Open the fuck up!”

“Jesus Y/N,” Ransom answered groggily as he opened the door “what the-”

“What the hell do you want from me?!” you snapped, pushing your way past him and making your way into his house. You did your best to ignore the fact that he was shirtless and focused on your goal. “What the fuck was yesterday?!”

“I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to do,” he yawned with a shrug.

You couldn’t stop yourself from slapping him on the chest. “You didn’t need to throw that fucking dinner, you could’ve told me no, you didn’t need to get your personal driver to drive us back to my parents, and you didn’t need to bait Ryan!”

“He started-”

“No Ransom, you knew what the fuck you were doing! You knew that he would eventually react and lose his shit, but you fucking did it anyway! What do you want from me?!”

Ransom sighed and was thoughtful before he spoke. “You just fucking left, Y/N. No warning, no text, no call, no fucking letter...you just fucking left!”

“What was I supposed to do, Ransom?! I told you that I’m done with you and you bought us a fucking house in the Hamptons! You were never gonna just let me leave! You would’ve always tried to find a way to suck me back in until you got your shit together!”

“Princess, I know-”

“No, you really don’t fucking know,” you sobbed. “I loved you. I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I defended you! I defended us! Just for you to turn around and betray me twice! I would have loved you until my dying day and you just...” you trailed off as the tears started to flow freely. “I gave you my heart and soul blindly, twice, believing that you truly wanted me. Wanted us...you don’t get to do this to me, Ransom. You don’t get to rock my world again and turn everything on its head. You don’t think I wanted a future for us? You don’t think I thought about our wedding time and time again? I didn’t do this and it’s not fucking fair!” you cried, stomping your foot like a petulant child.

“Baby...I know and I’m so fucking sorry,” he sniffled as he made his way over to you slowly.

“No!” you snapped, backing away from him. “I was weak yesterday and fuck, I’ll probably always be weak to you, but I’m going to put up a fight against you when I can! Don’t touch me and don’t get close to me, Ransom!”

“If you could just-”

“No, this is done. Leave me alone, Ransom. Moving on from you has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and I refuse to let you push me back,” you sniffed as you cried.

“I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to do this to us-”

“But you fucking did, so let me go,” you breathed as you dried your eyes, before turning and storming out of his house and speeding off in your father’s car.

When you finally got back to your parent’s place, you stayed in your father’s car and cried for what felt like hours. Most of what you had yelled at Ransom for he deserved, but what happened the day before...that was on you. Even though you knew that, you couldn’t bring yourself to come to terms with it.

Not just yet.

“Where did you go?” Ryan asked softly as you made your way back inside.

“For a drive,” you responded bitterly as you hung your father’s keys back up on the key rack.

“Baby-”

“I’m not ready to talk about it, Ryan and I’m nowhere near ready to hear you out. I just want to go home,” you sighed, knowing that you’d never actually be home unless you were with Ransom. “So, just pack up your stuff so we can go. Your car is out front, so I’m assuming Ransom had someone drop it off.”

“Can we just-”

“Not right now, Ryan.”`

You both said bye to your parents and brother, with Ryan apologizing profusely to everyone, and started on your journey back home. The car ride was tense and filled with a painful silence. Each time Ryan tried to place his hand on your lap, you just moved it away from him. When you two finally got back to the apartment you two shared, you went straight to the master bedroom and slammed the door shut. You got under the covers and cried until you fell asleep. Crying seemed to be the only thing that brought you any kind of comfort.

When you woke up, there were a ton of missed calls and texts from Sam and your mother, but you just text them both telling them that you didn’t have the energy to talk about your feelings.

You got up and made your way to the kitchen, finding Ryan on the sofa, mindlessly flipping through channels.

“You’re up,” he smiled weakly.

“Please leave me alone,” you sighed, continuing your trek to the kitchen.

“Just here me out, babe. Please,” he begged desperately, trailing behind you.

“What?” you huffed, not even bothering to look at him as grabbed the bottle of Buffalo Trace’s 1993 O.F.C. Vintages your father had gifted the both of you as an engagement gift.

“Whatever did or didn’t happen between you and Hugh...I shouldn’t have acted the way I did this past weekend and I’m truly sorry. All of the times I’ve made you feel like shit...you didn’t deserve that. I guess I just got scared because for the first time, I felt an actual fear of losing you. I get it though, everyone just needs to have their fun sometimes and I truly get it. I understand and I’m not mad, I just really want us to get past this. You forgive me and I forgive you,” he smiled at you sincerely.

You stood there completely dumbfounded at what he’d just said. He basically admitted to cheating on you, while also telling you that its fine if you did cheat on him, because you got it out of your system. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. The best you could do was look at him, utterly confused, before storming off.

You got drunk off your ass that night.

For the next two weeks, you tried to just forget everything that had happened. Ryan’s heartfelt and well meaning confession, you cheating, both of yours and his parents basically taking over the wedding, and Ransom.

You always tried to forget about Ransom.

You were getting by, for the most part, until Ransom rocked your world yet again.

Shithead: I need to see you.

Y/N: Ransom, how the fuck did you get my number?!

Shithead: Oh, so you changed your number and kept mine?

Y/N: Ransom, leave me alone.

Shithead: We need to talk, Princess.

Y/N: We already talked.

Shithead: No, you came to my house at 6:30am and screamed at me. We didn’t actually talk.

Y/N: There’s nothing to left to say.

Shithead: So you get to say your peace and I have no say?

Y/N: Ransom, leave me alone.

Shithead: You at least owe me this.

Y/N: Fine. When and where?

Shithead: I want a week with you.

Y/N: You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think I’m spending a week with you.

Shithead: It’s gonna take longer than a day for us to work all this shit out, Sweetheart.

Y/N: Ransom, I’m not spending a week with you so fucking forget it.

Shithead: Ya know, Ryan’s mother has been begging me, almost every day, to cater your wedding. Maybe I’ll tell her yes.

Y/N: Why do you have to be an asshole all the time?

Shithead: To make sure I get what I want.

Y/N: Fine. One week and that’s it. Where?

Shithead: Our house.

Y/N: What the fuck are you even talking about?

Shithead: You know, it honestly does hurt how quickly you forgot about that.

‘There’s no fucking way he’s talking about the house in the Hamptons’ you thought to yourself. Y/N: You don’t mean that house in the Hamptons.

Shithead: That’s exactly what I’m talking about.

Y/N: Ransom...why would you still have that house?

Shithead: Because it’s ours.

You felt your swell and break at the same time and it took all you had to not breakdown and cry at your work desk.

Y/N: Fine, when are we doing this?

Shithead: This Saturday.

Y/N: I’ll meet you there.

You shut your phone in your desk as you tried to avoid a complete and total meltdown. That week went by faster than it had any right to, and by the time Saturday came, both you and Ryan were at your wits end.

“But why does he want you to represent him?” Ryan asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

“I don’t know, Ryan. I guess he just trusts me,” you sighed as you threw a travel bag into your backseat.

“There’s nothing going on?”

“Ryan, I don’t want to have this talk anymore so I’m not going to,” you huffed as you slammed the door shut. “Besides, you’re the one who said that everyone just needs to have their fun, right?”

“Baby-”

“There’s nothing to worry about, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You’re gonna be in the Hamptons?”

“Yeah, he has a place out there and I guess that’s where he goes to relieve stress,” shrugged as you got into your car and started it.

“Let me know when you get there. I love you,” he smiled weakly, and you could see the fear in his eyes.

“Love you too,” you smiled before driving off.

The entire drive, you felt every possible emotion possible. There were a few times you almost turned around and almost text Ransom that he could cater the damn wedding, but you in the end knew you two needed it. Maybe closure would finally help you move on and just maybe you’d find the courage to leave Ryan.

Maybe you’d find the courage to be yourself again.

When you pulled up to the house, your heart began to race as you fought back tears. That house had held so many promises for you two and so many memories. Though a small part of you was happy he chose to have the talk there. It gave you a little hope that you’d be strong enough, seeing as this house also represented what he threw away.

Ransom was standing in the doorway, smug grin on his face, as you grabbed your bag.

“Lets get this over with,” you muttered, pushing past him and making your way inside.

“Happy to see you too,” he chuckled, closing the door behind him.

The first two days were brutal. Doors were slammed, feelings were hurt, yelling was the only tone either of you had, tears wouldn’t stop flowing, and hearts were shattered.

“I told you that I’d try and that there would be a few bumps!” Ransom yelled at you as he followed you into the kitchen. “I was fucking trying, Y/N-”

“Jesus Christ! I fucking told you that I didn’t want to be your crash test dummy!” you shouted back as you grabbed a bottle of wine. “But you don’t fucking listen! You don’t think about anyone but yourself-”

“I don’t think about anyone but myself?! Jesus, it must be nice up there on that fucking high horse you put yourself on! You fucking left, Y/N! You just fucking vanished!”

“I told you why I left!”

“Horse shit!” he retorted, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a glass. “You fucking left because it was the easy way out for you! You left because you’re a fucking coward!”

“I’m the coward?! You’re the one who let us crash and burn because you were afraid to change! Afraid of not being the shit bird they all knew you are! So don’t fucking-”

“I stayed!” he yelled, slamming his glass down on the counter top. “I stayed, I fucking changed, and got my shit together! What the fuck did you do, Y/N? Huh? Become a successful lawyer which isn’t even what you want to do, fucking meet Ryan and commit to that piece of shit?! Agree to marry him because you’re too much of a coward to leave and trust yourself to make a better choice for yourself? Too afraid to trust me again? Yeah, you’re doin’ real fuckin’ great for yourself,” he scoffed, taking a long drink from his glass. “I may be a real fucking piece of shit, but fuck all if I haven’t fucking tried to get this shit right! If I haven’t tried to be better for you! Don’t talk to me about being a fucking coward when you’ve let yourself become this,” he motioned towards you.

You just stood there and cried because he had you. There wasn’t a word that he said that wasn’t true, but he could also go fuck himself since he had a major roll into turning you into a shell of yourself. You went upstairs to the bedroom you’d been staying in and settled yourself in the middle of the bed. You curled your knees upward before hugging your legs to your chest and taking a huge gulp from the wine bottle.

There was soft knock at the door before Ransom opened it and slowly made his way in. All you did was glare at him as your tears continued to flow. “I’m sorry,” he sighed before sitting at the edge of the bed.

“I fucking hate you,” you cried before taking another swig from the wine bottle.

“Stop it, don’t say that. I know it’s my fault, okay? I did all of it.”

“Then why did you fucking say it?”

“Because I’m fucking mad at you, Y/N. I’m fucking furious with you, because that was the worst day of my life. I woke up one day and you were gone. No one would tell me anything, you changed your number, you blocked me on everything...you just left and it fucking hurt.”

“I had to leave, Ransom,” you sighed, wiping your eyes.

“I know that too. I guess I’m mainly just angry with myself,” he huffed before taking a sip from the whiskey bottle. “You were everything and I just...” he trailed off as his own tears started to come.

“I shouldn’t have just left like that,” you mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like I gave you much of a choice.”

“I always had a choice and a part of me just wanted to hurt you and the other part of me...”

“The other part of you?”

“I saw us turning into my parents and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be my mother. Loving you with all I had just for you to continue to throw it away? I knew that if I stayed, I would’ve taken you back and you wouldn’t have changed.”

“Yes I would-”

“No you wouldn’t have,” you scoffed before taking another drink from the bottle. “If there’s no consequence what’s your incentive to change?”

“My incentive is that I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You did it the first time and you felt bad then, too. You still cheated again, Ransom.”

“I also loved you and that meant everything to me. Your love meant everything to me.”

“Love clearly wasn’t enough,” you smiled at him meagerly.

You two spent the rest of that night drinking in silence, but not leaving each other’s side. At some point you both fell asleep, and when you woke up Ransom had cuddled you close. You knew you should’ve pulled away and ended the trip early, but you felt so happy and content in his arms. You hadn’t felt like that since the last time you and Ransom were happy and deeply in love in what felt like eons ago.

You decided that the third day would be pleasant one. Plus, your throat really was starting hurt from all of the screaming. Change was needed.

“So, a restaurant huh?” you asked as he made breakfast for the both of you.

“Someone once told me I had potential and that I’m a pretty good cook,” he smirked at you over his shoulder. “So, I decided to open up a restaurant. I knew how to manage it and run things, I hired some of the best cooks around and decided to give it a shot. I didn’t fuck it up so I decided to open up two more for the hell of it,” he chuckled. “Besides, I knew I couldn’t win you back with an ‘I’m sorry’ and bouquet of flowers. I had to really get my shit together.”

“Are they all named after me?” you teased, ignoring the happiness that was bursting from your heart.

“No,” he laughed, “but they’re all styled in a way you’d like and all of your favorites that I’ve made for you are on each menu.”

“I’m proud of you, Ransom.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, you’ve done well for yourself and you did it on your own. You did all this despite what your family thought of you and I’m proud of you. I always knew you could do anything.”

“That means a lot coming from you,” he smiled as he walked over to the table with plates in hand.

“You remembered!” you squealed with delight as he set down a plate of Eggs Benedict with a side of potatoes.

“Of course I remembered,” he chuckled. “It’s your favorite.”

“Because I’m so high maintenance,” you mused, remembering back to the first time he made it for you.

He’d called you high maintenance and said you had an expensive palate. In return, you told him not to fuck up your breakfast.

“Yeah, you’re one of the most low maintenance, high maintenance women I’ve ever known,” he laughed.

“How many women have you made swoon over breakfast at this house?”

“None. No one’s been here except you. No one even knows about this house besides you. I come here alone sometimes and just think, but it’s been here empty for the most part.”

“Why don’t you get rid of it?”

“Because it’s our home. You had to come back eventually, and when you did, I would’ve tried my best to get you back out here. The week I spent out here with you was the best week of my life. I wasn’t about to give it up so easily,” he smiled sheepishly.

“What do you wanna do today? I don’t feel like arguing today,” you questioned as you cut into your brunch, trying to ignore everything you were feeling.

“Well, the weather’s nice so we can go out on the boat if you want, or we can go out and shop-”

“What do you want to do?”

“I wanna stay in with you and watch movies, talk, and just...I want us to get along.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” you smiled.

You both spent the rest of the day laughing and talking, like the first two days of hell hadn’t happened. When it came time for a movie, he let you choose, but he did give you a hard time.

“Of course you chose ‘Roman Holiday’,” he teased as you pulled it up on one of your streaming accounts.

“You told me to choose my favorite movie, so I don’t know why you’re giving me a hard time,” you laughed as he came in with the wine and popcorn.

“You probably watch this every weekend.”

“I wish,” you huffed as the movie started. “Maybe I’d be in a better mood.”

“What? Ryan doesn’t like to indulge in the things you like?”

“Ryan is picky about indulging in the things I like.”

“Why are you even with him?”

“He wasn’t always like this, Ransom. Maybe it’ll change after we’re married,” you shrugged with a sigh before reaching for your glass of wine.

“He’s a fucking leach, babe. Nothing but another Joni.”

“Stop it, no he isn’t. He has money. His family has money.”

“Not like we do.”

“Ransom-”

“Think about it, princess. Your family is paying for the wedding, the venue change, you make more money than him-”

“How do you know so much?”

“He got my number from your father and sent me an apology text. He explained how he’s just feeling overwhelmed and a bunch of other bullshit,” Ransom scoffed, grabbing his own glass of wine.

“Still-”

“Is he encouraging you not to sign a prenuptial?” he asked, finally meeting your gaze. Your silence told him everything. “He’s marrying you for money and security.”

“Is that how got my number?” you questioned, returning your gaze to the screen. “My father gave it to you?”

“Sorta, I got into his phone and took it,” he chuckled before shoveling popcorn into his mouth.

“Ransom!”

“What? It’s not my fault your father’s password is so easy,” he laughed.

“What is it?”

“Oh? I thought I did something wrong.”

“I’m nosey, Ransom. What is it?” you chuckled

“Their anniversary. Your mom and dad’s.”

“That’s kind of sweet?” you giggled.

“You know they’re gonna wind up back together, right?”

“Yeah, I fuckin’ know,” you sighed “but they’re the adults here, right?”

“You’re finally getting it,” Ransom teased as you kicked him playfully.

You two went through three bottles of wine during ‘Roman Holiday’, and by the time he was ready to put on the second movie, you were feeling free.

“The second movie is your choice,” you smiled with a slight giggle.

“Oh, you’re drunk,” Ransom laughed.

“I’m a little buzzed, but I am not drunk,” you corrected with a head nod. “I just need to eat something besides popcorn.”

“Let me see what I have in the fridge-”

“Lets order something,” you interrupted, grabbing his forearm as he went to get up. “I want you to stay right here with me.”

“Why’s that?” he questioned, his gaze softening as he looked you over.

“Life’s better when you’re by my side,” you confessed softly.

In one swift move, Ransom was on you and you didn’t stop him. As his lips kissed their way down to your neck, his hands wrestled with buttons on your shorts before getting them loose and pulling them down.

“Ransom,” you moaned breathlessly.

“I love you,” he whispered hotly against your neck as one of his hands slipped down into your panties, quickly finding your most sensitive bundle of nerves.

“I love you!” you mewled, arching your back a little as your nails dug into his flesh.

“I just wanna make you feel good,” he husked as he picked up his pace. “I just wanna make you happy!”

“I just need to feel you, baby,” you moaned, unbuttoning his jeans and forcing them down as much as you could.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked, pushing himself up to meet your gaze.

“You’re all I ever want,” you responded truthfully, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

“So fucking beautiful, baby,” he groaned as he thrust himself inside of you.

“Fuck!”

“Missed having you beneath me like this! Missed you so much, Princess! Dreamt of this for so long!”

“I’ve needed you so much,” you sobbed, wrapping a leg around his waist. “You’re all I ever think about!”

“I haven’t loved anyone since I’ve loved you,” he panted, fucking into you faster. “Just want you...just need you.”

“Baby, I’m so fucking close!” you cried as your toes started to curl.

“Do you know how hard it was for me to not cum deep inside this perfect pussy?” Ransom asked as he picked up his pace. “You looked so fucking good and I just...fuck! You’re mine!” he growled as he tightened his grip on you.

“Ransom! I need you to destroy me in the way that only you can!”

“Holy shit! I need to let go inside of you! Please!” he desperately begged.

“Do it, please! Just...just wanna feel whole again,” you mewled as felt yourself reaching your peak.

“Y/N!” he yelled as he spilled his hot seed deep inside of you.

“Fuck!” you cried with a gasp, cumming hard as your leg tightened around his waist.

Ransom had one arm around your waist and pulled you up with him, so that you were straddling him. He pulled your shirt off and threw it across the living area before kissing all over your chest, as you quickly undid the buttons on his shirt before practically ripping it off of him.

You were well aware of the crime that you were committing, but you didn’t care. You weren’t even going to blame the alcohol, because at the end of the day, the fact of the matter was that you loved Ransom and he loved you. You’d worry about the guilt and shame you’d feel later. For the time being, you just wanted Ransom and to feel whole again.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he husked, looking up at you as he started to come to life again. “You don’t even know-”

“Don’t wanna think about that right now, baby,” you moaned looking down at him as you started to grind your hips against his. Your hair falling in front of your face. “I just want right now with you. Us, right now...that’s all that matters,” you breathed before dipping down to kiss him deeply.

As your tongues fought for dominance, one of Ransom’s hands traveled between you two and found the sensitive bud that always had you coming apart for him.

“Fuck,” you sighed, breaking away and leaning your head against his.

“Missed making you feel good, baby,” he groaned, picking up his pace. “God, I love you so fucking much. I’m gonna love you all over this fucking house.”

“Please!” you whimpered, feeling your release coming on again.

“What does my good girl need?”

“T-to..to cum! Please!”

“I don’t think so baby, not yet,” he teased, a devilish grin on his face.

“Please!”

“Will you be my good girl tonight?”

“I swear I will,” you whined before biting your lower lip.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he grunted looking up at you, loving the beautiful mess you’d become. “Ride me, baby. Ride me and cum hard on this cock.”

“Shit!” you hissed, placing your hands on each side of shoulders as you started to ride him.

“So good for me,” he husked, doing his best to fight off another release.

“Always wanna be good for...you,” you whimpered, your grip on him tightening. “Shit!”

“Come apart for me, baby,” he encouraged softly before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it hard.

“Fuck Ransom!” you screamed, lulling your head back as your orgasm washed over you hard.

Ransom released your nipple with a ‘pop’ before chuckling darkly. “And we’re just getting started.”

Ransom did love you in every part of that house that night, promising you that he’d treat you right, never leave you, and that he’d love you forever. Your only response being that you wanted to be with him, but that you didn’t want to think at the moment. You just wanted to be in the moment with him.

The night ended with you two 69-ing in the master bedroom, you both finding your release together since neither of you wanted to give up dominance.

“What can I do to earn your trust?” Ransom sighed as you laid down next to him.

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t,” you mumbled, not ready to start discussing reality so quickly.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Ransom please,” you huffed, turning on your side to face him. “I just...I don’t know what any of this means, okay? I just know that I love you and when I’m with you, I’m lighter. The world isn’t as scary as it actually is, I’m not stressed, I’m genuinely happy, and everything makes sense.”

“So then-”

“Because you hurt me, Ransom. You broke my heart twice that doesn’t just go away because we yelled at each other for 2 days and fucked a whole bunch on the 3rd. Plus, I’m supposed to be getting married in a month and I need to-”

“You can’t still be considering marrying that douche bag!”

“Ransom!” you huffed with a frustrated sigh. “Why are we doing this now? This can wait till tomorrow. All of it can wait till tomorrow.”

“Cause you’ll have time to come up with argument tomorrow and I can never win when you’re at your best,” he muttered, pulling you close to him and kissing your forehead.

“You never win either way.”

“Fuck off,” he laughed. “I do love you, Y/N.”

“I know baby and I love you,” you smiled before kissing his chest. “Lets just rest for now. I’m sure we’ll be able to argue about this after we sleep.”

“I don’t want to argue, Princess.”

“Me neither, but we will.”

When you woke up the next morning, Ransom was on the phone with what sounded like his actual lawyer, so you grabbed one of his white button up shirts and put it on, before quickly going into the other room and grabbing your phone.

‘3 texts from Sam, 2 missed calls from mom, 1 text from John, 3 missed calls from work, and 2 texts from Ashley. Nothing from Ryan, what a shock,’ you thought to yourself as you made your way back to the main bedroom.

You weren’t even sure why you were so upset, because it’s not like you were being a saint. You were well aware of the type of man Ryan was, but for a moment he seemed like he actually gave a shit about whether or not your relationship would make it.

‘Probably worried about the money going away,’ your inner voice scoffed.

“What’s wrong Princess?” Ransom asked as soon as he got off the phone, noticing how you plopped down on the bed.

“Nothing,” you lied with a faux smile.

“You know better than to lie to me, sweetheart,” he taunted before getting in next to you. “It’s about Ryan, isn’t it?”

“He hasn’t text or called and I don’t know why it’s bothering me.”

“Because you love him,” Ransom responded bitterly. “Fuck, I really did a number on you, didn’t I?”

“I thought I was being smart, discovered I wasn’t, and yet here I am. Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me?!” you groaned, covering your face with your hands. “Why can’t any of this shit be simple?”

“Because I keep complicating things even when I don’t mean to,” he chuckled softly as he wrapped an arm around and pulled you close. “I know I can’t change or take back what I did and how much I hurt you, but I truly wish I could. I know I don’t deserve to be the one you choose, but I really hope you do.”

“Ransom-”

“However,” he continued gently “even if you don’t pick me, don’t fucking choose him either, Princess. He’s a piece of shit and a leach. You say you don’t wanna end up like your parents, then don’t choose him, baby,” he mumbled against your cheek as one of his hands started to massage your breast.

“Ransom,” you sighed “we need to clean up downstairs-”

“We can do that after. You don’t wanna start your day with me filling you up?” he questioned hotly against your ear, as his hands traveled down between your legs.

“Fuck!”

“I’ve loved watching you walk around in my clothes. You look so fucking sexy when you’re nothing but my shirt,” he praised as he rubbed your clit faster.

“Ransom please,” you mewled, gripping the sheets as you threw your head back.

“Be a good girl and cum for Daddy,” he demanded roughly and you followed orders instantly. “Get on your hands and knees for me, baby. I want you to face that mirror and watch me fuck you. I want you to see just how fucking beautiful you look when you explode for me.”

Ransom’s filthy words had you dripping and forgetting about what the hell you’d been so stressed about before. The minute you were in the position he wanted, he thrust himself into you.

“Never get tired of this fucking pussy,” he grunted as fucked into you relentlessly. “Never get tired of hearing the sounds you make for me.”

“You’re so fucking good to me, Daddy,” you whimpered, dropping your head as you felt the knot in your core tighten.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, someone isn’t being a good girl,” Ransom taunted, grabbing a fist full of your hair and forcing your attention on the mirror in front of you. “You’re gonna miss the best part if you don’t listen,” he growled lowly as he bent down to whisper in your ear “and you don’t want that do you?”

“No,” you sobbed, feeling your release coming on.

“No who?” he questioned, slapping your ass hard.

“No D-Daddy!”

“That’s my good little slut.”

“Please let me cum, please,” you begged, his words and roughness making you clench around him.

“The way this cunt is squeezing me...we’re both gonna cum, shit!”

“Please cum with me!”

“You better keep your eyes on the fucking mirror,” he grunted, sitting upright as his movements became erratic. “Fuck! Cum for me, baby! Cum for me right now, Princess!”

“Shit!” you screamed, cumming hard as you felt him spill into you, forcing yourself to keep your gaze on the mirror in your blissed out state.

“See how fucking beautiful you look when you let me fill this pussy?” he moaned, riding out both of your highs.

“Yes baby, fuck!” you groaned as he pulled out of you.

“Fuck, I love having you like this,” he moaned. You watched him watch the mixture of your juices run down your thigh and drip on to the bed and you could feel yourself getting worked up again.

Ryan could never.

“Get your pretty little ass cleaned up before I keep you in this bed all day.”

“Maybe I want you to, Daddy,” you moaned arching your back.

“Y/N, I’m not gonna warn you again,” he growled.

“Fine,” you giggled, getting up “you can make it up to me tonight.”

“I’ll make it up to you in 2 hours,” he smirked.

You quickly cleaned yourself up and got dressed in your clothes, stuffed your phone in your pocket, before going downstairs and cleaning up the mess you two made the night before. You’d just put the clothes upstairs in the master bedroom when you heard a knock on the door. You were a little confused but thought nothing of it as you made your way to the front door.

“Hello, how may we h-help...Ryan?” you questioned as you stumbled a little. What the fuck?

“Hey babe!” he smiled brightly “I though I’d surprise you and Hugh!”

“Why?” you wondered aloud before you could stop yourself.

“I missed you and I figured I could make things right with Hugh by taking everyone out for lunch.”

“Ryan, we’re working-”

“I’m sure you both could use a break,” Ryan interrupted as he made his way inside. “This place is fucking gorgeous!”

“I know,” you muttered, closing the door behind you.

You knew you had no reason to be, but you were angry. Furious. The Hamptons was you and Ransom’s alone, and Ryan was ruining it.

“How did you even find us?”

“I asked Steve to look up a house in the Hamptons registered to Hugh Ransom Drysdale. He found the address within an hour.”

“Good old Steve,” you scowled, remembering how much you really couldn’t stand his cop friends.

“Okay, so I was thinking that maybe we’d...Ryan,” Ransom stopped short on the stairs, his entire demeanor changing instantly. He clenched his fists and his jawline tightened. “What are you doing here?”

“Wanted to take everyone out for lunch and I was hoping you and I could start over,” he smiled, hopeful.

“As great as that sounds, we both have a lot of work to do.”

“I’m sure you two have time for a break.”

“How did you even find my house?”

“One of his cop buddies looked it up for him,” you muttered, as you started picking at your fingers.

Ransom’s phone started ringing and he looked from you to Ryan before looking down at it. “Fuck, I have to take this,” he muttered before storming into the kitchen then making his to his backyard, slamming the door shut.

“He seems pissed,” Ryan scoffed.

“Yeah, and I don’t blame him. This is kinda fucked up, Ryan.”

“I’m just trying to do a good thing-”

“Ryan, you had someone look up his address, you come over unannounced, you’re basically trying to force a friendship on him that he doesn’t want-”

“I’m trying to make amends!”

“He doesn’t like you, Ryan! He doesn’t like you and he has every reason not to!”

“Babe, I’m trying to make things right. Besides, if he’s important enough to get you take a week off from planning our wedding, I should make the effort to make things right, shouldn’t I?”

“This isn’t how you go about doing it,” you muttered, grabbing your phone as it buzzed for the millionth time.

Shithead: This is our home, what the fuck is he doing here?!

Shithead: He can’t fucking be here, Princess. He just can’t be.

Shithead: Get him out of here.

Shithead: Listen, I know none of this is your fault, Princess. I’m sorry, but he just can’t fucking be here. He has to go.

“Fuck,” you muttered, putting your phone back into your pocket. “Let me go and talk to him. Just sit down and watch TV or something.”

“Baby, I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah, I know, Ryan. I know,” you huffed as you made your way into the kitchen.

Ransom was pacing in the kitchen and you could tell he was doing all he could not to destroy everything in his path. “Who the fuck does he think he is?!” Ransom hissed as quietly as he could. “Who just shows up to someone’s house like this?! This is our house!”

“Ransom, it’s not like I told him to come here!”

“I know you didn’t,” he sighed, wrapping his arms around you.

“Ransom stop, he’s right out there,” you warned softly, weakly pushing him off of you.

“He’s in our house.”

And I’m his fiancee,” you countered with a sigh. Only you would get yourself in a situation like this.

“I want him gone.”

“Ransom, he’s not going anywhere until he takes us out for food.”

“Fine, but if he’s getting what he wants, I wanna get what I want,” he propositioned with a devilish grin.

“You just had me!”

“Yeah, and my fucking plan was to get you on that boat, talk a little then have you ride my face,” he whispered against your neck before biting it as his hands worked on undoing your shorts.

“Fuck,” you moaned softly. “We can’t! What if he catches us?”

“Just keep quiet. I know my good girl can be quiet for me, right?” he questioned as he got on his knees and pulled your shorts down. “Daddy just wants a taste,” he mumbled before diving between your legs.

A quiet gasp escaped your lips as you arched your back. If your past actions weren’t going to send you to hell, you were sure that this would do the trick. What made it worse was that you got off on it. A part of you wanted Ryan to catch you and Ransom because you wanted to hurt him. He’d hurt you so many times that if you could just make him feel an ounce of pain that he inflicted onto you, it would bring you so much more satisfaction than it should.

The other part of you just wanted to be with Ransom, and if Ryan caught you two, it would’ve made the breakup all that much easier. You knew Ryan would never really confess to cheating on you (he loved giving half truths), but you could deal with him hating you as long as you finally got to be Ransom’s again.

“Shit!” you cried softly as Ransom slipped two fingers inside of you. You kicked off one of your sandals and stepped out of the right pant leg of your shorts, before hooking that leg over Ransom’s shoulder. “So fucking close, baby,” you whimpered quietly.

All Ransom did was pick up the pace with both his tongue and fingers, using his other hand to grip you tight. You squeezed his hair tight and pulled him closer to you, and when you felt his nails dig into your thighs, you knew he was doing best to keep quiet.

“Fuck!” you breathed out as you came hard all over his tongue, your free hand gripping his shoulder extremely hard.

Ransom stayed in-between your legs, cleaning you up at a leisurely pace, as you slowly came down from your high. You relished every moment of his desperate desire to please you.

“I’ll go out first,” you exhaled softly with a small chuckle as Ransom kissed his way back up your body as he brought your shorts up with him.

“You sure you can stand?” he laughed before kissing your lips.

“Shut up,” you giggled, playfully pushing him off. “Just be nice for lunch and we can get back to where we were. Talking,” you pointed teasingly, before turning to walk away.

“Just,” Ransom called softly as he grabbed your wrist “just don’t change your mind. Don’t make a decision,” he pleaded softly.

That pulled on your heartstrings much more than you would’ve liked.

Ryan made reservations at ‘Si Si Mediterranean Restaurant’ and you all got there just in time. He wanted to take the boat there, but Ransom came up with a bullshit reason as to why you all couldn’t. Something to do with the engine or rudder. You couldn’t bring yourself to focus because you were consumed with guilt. Your fiancee had gotten you and your ex-boyfriend lunch reservations to try and make things right, and the entire time you were just waiting for him to leave so you and Ransom could get back to figuring out what you two were and what you two would do.

Because, at the end of the day, that’s all it was: you and Ransom, selfishly trying to find a way to work things out, to be together again. You were silly to think that you could spend a week with Ransom and believe that nothing would happen between you two. In all honesty, you always knew you’d fall easily for him again, but lying to yourself had become one of your new favorite things.

“I hope you don’t mind, Ransom,” Ryan smiled once you all were seated, “I’m not sure what kind of food you like, but I know Y/N love Mediterranean food.”

“I’ve been to a lot of outings with her family,” Ransom smiled condescendingly, “I know all of her favorite places in Marlborough and in general.”

“I could tell by the menu you put together for our little dinner party,” Ryan smiled as he squeezed your hand gently.

The second the waiter came by. You asked for a Si Si Tai and slipped him a $200 tip to keep them coming.

The entire time Ransom and Ryan basically kept comparing dick sizes, you kept your sunglasses on and eyes on the water, trying to imagine you were anywhere else. Trying to imagine a better version of yourself, that you hadn’t let yourself become someone who was okay with sneaking and lying.

A cheater.

You found it funny that the one thing you’d left Ransom for was the one thing you were willing to commit with him.

“Babe, you okay?” Ryan asked you, pulling you out of your thoughts, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” you lied with a faux smile. “Why, what’s up?”

“The waiter asked you for your order...like 3 times,” he smiled sheepishly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you laughed, quickly glancing at the menu. It’s not even like you were all that hungry. “I’ll take the lamb burger,” you smiled up at the waiter.

“Funny. Ransom said that’s what you’d want,” Ryan chuckled humorlessly to himself as the waiter walked away.

“What can I say? The man knows me,” you mused before taking a big sip of your Si Si Tai.

“Yeah, how do you two know each other? I mean, I know he works with your father but-”

“Harlan, his grandfather, introduced my dad to the whole family, and he and Ransom really to hit it off,” feeling the slightest bit of anger at the memory of how you first met Ransom.

“What do you-”

“Y/N’s father used to be a real piece of shit, and so was I. I guess, in a way, I still am,” Ransom interrupted as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. Ransom sensed your anger and uneasiness and continued. “Her father decided that he liked me because I could get him all of the things he wanted, whether he should’ve had them or not.”

“And you two still became friends?” Ryan scoffed, taking a sip of his scotch, clearly enjoying being the cause of friction between you and Ransom.

“Well, we had a really long talk one night and it helped both of us see things in a different light,” Ransom smirked as he took a sip of his whiskey. “Things changed from then on.”

You smiled to yourself, remembering the night Ransom was talking about, taking note of that’s when your feelings towards him began to change. “Can we talk about something else? Remembering how my dad used to be a flaming pile of trash isn’t something I really wanna do today.”

“You’re right babe, I’m sorry,” Ryan smiled regretfully as Ransom rolled his eyes. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“The Patriots lineup is looking pretty promising for this season,” you smirked before taking a small sip of your drink.

“Babe, you know I hate it when-”

“You really think they have a chance?” Ransom laughed. “After last season, with the way they played against the Chiefs...”

“It was a rough year, but it wasn’t completely terrible. They’ll bounce back!”

“Whatever you say, Princess,” Ransom laughed before downing his whiskey while he signaled for another.

The rest of brunch went off without a hitch, but that didn’t mean there weren’t uncomfortable moments. Ryan felt out of place, which in turn made you feel a little bad for him. He was trying so hard though. He really wanted you to see, to know he was trying.

After he settled the bill, Ryan drove everyone back to Ransom’s. Ransom was quick to get out of the car, telling you that he’d set up a work space for you two before quickly going inside, barely waving goodbye to Ryan.

“I don’t know how much work he thinks you’ll get done like this,” Ryan chuckled softly as he looked you over. “I know that me coming here threw a wrench in the works, but I needed to see for myself.”

“See what?”

“That everything was okay. That we’re okay.”

“Ryan-”

“Listen, I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend or fiancee, but we’ve been doing better. I’m trying my best to be and do better.”

“What’s your point?”

“I know you don’t believe that he has an angle, but please just trust me: I know he does and I know he won’t treat you right.”

“Stop it-”

“Baby, please just-”

“What was any of this supposed to prove, Ryan? What was the purpose?”

“That I fucking love you and you love me!” he snapped before stomping his foot.

“Why is it that you only care now? Why does it took someone else coming along for you to realize that you love me so much?”

“Because I never had a reason to worry! I’ve always known how much I love you, why do you think I waited for you? I’ve always known you were the one for me and then when I finally got you, I just got comfortable and careless. And I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I won’t take you for granted ever again. I love you and I can’t wait till we’re married,” he smiled weakly, tears welled in both corners of his eyes.

“I have to get inside,” you muttered as you turned to walk away.

“Just please,” he begged softly, grabbing your wrist, “don’t forget what I’ve said. Don’t fall for him, it’s all just a game to him. You’re just a prize to him and he’ll never love you like I do. No one will,” he finished softly, giving you a small kiss on the cheek as he let go of your wrist.

All you did was nod before turning and going into the house. Ransom was standing in the living area with a cigarette lit and you knew you couldn’t talk to him just yet.

“I need a minute,” was all you said before going into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine, and making your way out back.

You sat by the pool and let the events of the day, the ghosts of past words spoken, roll around in your head. It was only 4pm and you were exhausted.

You knew that Ransom truly loved you, but he’d truly loved you before and he still shattered your heart. Ryan really had been trying to do better, but Ransom telling you that he was only in it for the money had you seeing things differently.

Ryan had always been obsessed with money and status.

As you continued to drink and wallow in self pity, ‘Run the Road’ started playing and you couldn’t help but laugh. The first time you’d heard the song was five years ago while you and Ransom were out clubbing in the Hamptons. It was the second night that you two had spent in the Hamptons, and Ransom was extremely possessive over you. He practically growled at every guy that approached you on the dance floor while he loved seeing how much they all hated him for having you.

“You’re all mine aren’t you?” he whispered hotly in your ear that night, as you swayed your hips to the music, your back ironed against his chest.

“Mhm, all yours Ransom,” you drunkenly giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Can any of these guys fuck you?”

“No, only you,” you moaned as his hands traveled up and over your clothed breasts.

“That’s right,” he chuckled, as one of his hands snaked up and around your neck. “You’re my good girl. Look and see how jealous they all are,” he demanded softly.

You giggled a little when you bothered to remember that you two were in public and looked around at all the guys with lust and envy in their eyes. “You like showing me off, huh?”

“I love showing you off, Princess. Get to do it for a fucking week,” he chuckled as he gripped your hip and pulled you impossibly closer to him and you felt just how much he loved it. “I’ll never get tired of this pretty little cunt. I’ll never get tired of you,” he husked against the shell of your ear before nipping at it.

“Keep this up and we’ll give them a real show,” you moaned, your excitement building.

“They don’t deserve a show,” he muttered as he took notice of all the guys that were watching the two of you. “If one more of those fuckers tries to dance with you though, I’ll break their fuckin’ neck,” he growled.

“Lets get you off the dance floor,” you giggled, reluctantly freeing yourself from his hold while you turned to face him.

The memory made you laugh and smile because you remembered what came after; it also broke your heart. Ransom was extremely possessive and protective over you before he had the balls to finally tell you how he truly felt. Meanwhile, only a few short weeks ago, Ryan basically told you that he’s fine with you cheating because people need to have their fun.

“I half expected to find you with a cigarette,” Ransom commented softly, breaking you out of your thoughts as he took a seat next to you.

“Give it some time,” you sniffled softly, with a sad chuckle as you wiped your eyes with the back of your hand.

“Princess-”

“Ransom please don’t. Please.”

“You can’t go back to him.”

“I should just go home.”

“Please don’t. Not yet.”

“Ransom, we can’t do this. I can’t do this! What the fuck is wrong with me?!” you exclaimed, finally letting your tears flow freely. “When did I become this selfish? This much of a coward? This isn’t fair to either of you and I’m just trying to pretend-”

“I’m the one who asked you here, I’m the one who kissed you, and I’m the one who is selfishly begging you to stay. I know how much you love me and I keep hoping that it’ll just be enough to...”

When you saw Ransom’s own tears starting to fall, it made you feel even worse. “I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to give you false hope.”

“Then just stay with me!”

“Ransom...if he’s trying, I have to try, too.”

“No, you really fucking don’t. He’s a piece of shit and fuck...just stay here with me. We can start over and we can make it work this time. I know we can.”

“I love you so much. God, I love you so much it fucking hurts,” you smiled weakly as you took his face in your hand.

All Ransom did was pull you pull close and hold you tight as you both cried. It felt like you were leaving him all over again.

At some point, you fell asleep and Ransom must have carried you back to the master bedroom, because when you woke up you were alone in the dark. You slowly crept out of the bed and tiptoed down the stairs, not wanting to disturb Ransom since you didn’t know what he was doing. You saw the TV light illuminating the living area and you took a deep breath before making your way in.

You were about to ask him to talk when you noticed your phone on the coffee table in front of him. “I didn’t go through your phone,” Ransom stated softly, as if he were reading your mind, but his eyes never left the screen. “Ryan wouldn’t stop calling and texting you, so I brought your phone down here with me and text him from my phone telling him that you were asleep.”

“Thank you,” you stated softly, starting to fumble with your fingers. “I’m gonna start packing and-”

“Please don’t,” Ransom begged softly, still not looking at you.

“It’s better if I do.”

“No, it really isn’t.”

“Ransom-”

“Y/N, I’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re not gonna choose me and it’s what I deserve, that’s fine. I have to accept that, but I’m losing you all over again and I’m just not there yet. I’m...” he cleared his throat before finally turning to meet your gaze, eyes puffy and red. “Just stay for the rest of the week, please? If this is the last time I can be with you, truly be with you, just let me have it, please?”

How were you supposed to say no to him? It’s not even like you wanted to go back anyway. You said nothing as you sat down next to Ransom and he pulled you close. Both of your hearts were breaking all over again, so why not stay with the one person who truly understood what you were going through?

For the rest of the night, Ransom just held you and pressed soft kisses into your hair and kept telling you how much he loved you, while he quietly sobbed. In return, you just sobbed into his chest and held him as tight as you could, wishing you were strong enough to trust him again.

The rest of the week was spent arguing, crying, making love, and pretending. Pretending that life as a couple went on after the week was over. Pretending that the wedding plans your mother was always calling to tell you about (you left her in charge after the venue change because you truly didn’t care anymore), were for your and Ransom’s wedding. Pretending that whenever you spoke to Ryan and told him ‘I love you’, you were just saying it to someone who was an on and off again friend.

Pretending that you two weren’t the people you actually were, and that things hadn’t gotten fucked up all those years ago.

When Friday came, you were determined to stay in bed, trying to hold off Saturday for as long as possible.

“No, we’re getting up and doing things,” Ransom chuckled, as he peppered kisses up and down your cheek and neck.

“No, because that will make the day go faster and tomorrow will get here-”

“Tomorrow can fuck off. I’m not spending today in bed and moping with you. We’re going on the boat,” he quipped before getting up and putting on the pair of boxers you practically ripped out of him the night before.

“And if I refuse to drive it?” you huffed, sitting up and crossing your arms.

“Won’t matter, because I got a boating license,” he smirked as you laughed and flipped him off.

Nonetheless, you reluctantly got out of bed and took a shower before slipping into one of Ransom’s favorite sundresses, and slipping your phone into your pocket.

“You remember what happened the last time you wore that dress,” Ransom smirked as you came down the steps.

“You will behave and treat me like a lady, Mr.Drysdale,” you taunted with a coy finger wag.

“We both know you prefer it when I treat you like the little slut you are.”

“Are you trying to end up back in the bedroom?”

“You started it, not me,” he laughed as grabbed a bottle of wine and a picnic basket. “You ready, Princess?”

You just giggled and nodded.

The ride to the marina was light and free. You forced yourself to put the next day off as much as you could. You just wanted to be with Ransom, in the moment.

“Alright, I have to ask because it’s been bothering me,” you sighed, settling into the boat’s center council as Ransom dropped anchor in the middle of the ocean. “I know your restaurants are successful, and you have money in stocks and blah blah blah, but-”

“How am I able to afford this house out here and my house in Marlborough?” he chuckled as the low growl of the engine slowly faded. He made his way over to you.

“Mhm,” you nodded as you poured both glasses of wine.

“I became a stripper after you left me,” he sighed heavily as you choked on your wine. “I couldn’t fucking help it, I’m so sorry, baby,” your hysterical reaction made him laugh so hard he almost fell over.

“You’re such a shithead!” you laughed, cleaning up any spilled wine droplets that landed on the wood panels.

“And you love it,” he smiled before kissing you. “No, in all honesty, Harlan gave me half of Walt’s inheritance,” he smirked, taking a drink himself.

“What?!”

“Well, after the last time I fucked up, I knew I had to make serious changes. Without going into detail, I told Harlan about my plan to open up a restaurant and wanting to branch off on my own. I didn’t go to him for money, because I needed to do this on my own to show both you and myself that I was capable of doing it. I just wanted to bounce ideas off him and get his feedback. When I finally got to work on the restaurant, he told me he was impressed and proud of me for doing something on my own. He was also pissed off at Walt, and has been for a while, because he won’t do anything on his own. He waits for whatever Harlan feeds him then wants to try and force his ideas on him instead of just creating something on his own. So, he told me that he wants to put his money to better use, so he gave me half of Walt’s inheritance,” Ransom finished with a shrug before downing the rest of his wine. He poured himself another glass.

“Why Hugh Ransom Drysdale, you little shit!” you laughed and smiled. “But how did you get him to give it to you early? It’s an inheritance.”

“I asked him for it upfront, because I wanted the mansion before I’d have to go into a fucking bidding war. I explained that all of my money was going into the restaurant and that I really wanted to make an offer. He was hesitant at first, but he saw how dedicated I really was and how seriously I was taking it, and gave me the money. Pissed Walt off and made Harlan proud at the same time,” he chuckled.

“I’m really proud of you, babe,” you smiled softly.

“Yeah? You wanna show me how proud you are?” He smiled devilishly.

“As much as I would love that,” you giggled, “we’re not as alone as we were the last time we did this.” you nodded towards the young adults laughing and going by on their jet skis and own yachts.

“They’re just a bunch of spoiled little fuck heads.”

“You were once one of those spoiled little fuck heads,” you laughed.

“Oh, I’m an old fuck head now?”

“Older, baby. You don’t fuck like an old man at all.”

“Then put my ego at ease right now,” he smirked as he put his wine glass down and slowly made his way over to you.

“Ransom, people will most definitely see!”

“It’s not like you give a fuck and you know I don’t,” he husked as one of his hands sneaked under your dress and started to rub your clit teasingly. “No panties? Oh Princess, you’re fucking begging to be fucked out in the open. You want everyone to know who this pussy belongs to, don’t you?” he teased.

“Yes,” you moaned, arching your back a little. “Fuck, Ransom!” you cried as he slid two fingers inside of you.

“Such a good little slut for me,” he groaned before dipping down and kissing you deeply.

“Take that inside!” one of the boys on a passing boat yelled.

“Can I join?!” another girl yelled.

“I fucking hate young people,” Ransom mumbled against your lips as he used his free hand to flip them off and you started laughing. “I’m gonna kill them. I’m going to kill all of them.”

“I thought you didn’t mind being watched,” you laughed, trying to catch your breath.

“I don’t give a fuck who watches, but be grateful you get to see at all and shut the fuck up,” he huffed, sitting up and pulling his fingers out of you.

“Oh sweetie,” you moaned with a soft laugh.

“Fuck, I am becoming a grumpy old man,” he groaned as you laughed harder.

“Oh baby, I have a surprise for you tonight that won’t have you feeling old at all. I won’t let you.”

“Does it involve me being deep inside that tight little asshole?”

“If you play your cards right,” you smirked before taking his two fingers into your mouth and sucking and licking them clean.

“Shit!” he groaned, palming himself over his shorts “keep this up and I’ll show every one of those little shits how to fuck!”

“Patience, my love,” you laughed after you finished cleaning off his fingers. “Lets go back home and get ready for tonight.”

“No, because I made your favorite for lunch and I-”

“You made me a Cuban melt?! I fucking love you!” you exclaimed, tackling him with a hug.

“I love you too, Princess,” he laughed, wrapping you in a hug that was just as tight.

“See? I want a love just like that!” a girl exclaimed as another boat went by.

Lunch went so well that neither of you wanted to head back, but you really wanted to take Ransom out. Yeah, it would be noisy and rowdy, but it would be worth it in the end.

“What should I wear for tonight?” he called from the bedroom as you put your makeup on in the bathroom.

“Fun casual,” you smirked as you touched up your lip liner.

“What the fuck did you do?”

“Just trust me,” you laughed, finishing up and making your way out of the bathroom.

“You look like that and expect me to want to go out?”

“Lets go, my little horn ball.”

“I fucking love you, did you know that?”

“I had a feeling,” you smirked as the car service pulled up. “Lets go, baby.”

The first stop was the first place he took you out for dinner, The Palm in the East Hamptons, and he was happily shocked. You both talked about your future plans as if you were going to be together when they happened. He took your hand in his often and kissed the top of it as much as you’d let him, before it was time to move on to the next place.

“You’re so fucking funny, did you know that?” he laughed as the car pulled up to MARS. The bar that changed everything for the both of you.

“I just wanted to see you smile, baby,” you laughed as you both made your way out of the car.

“You found the perfect way to do that,” he grinned.

You both spent the night pretending that you both weren’t as old as you actually were, dancing and drinking, ignoring the voices in your head that kept telling you that it would all be over in a few hours. All that mattered in that moment was Ransom and how you both made each other feel complete.

“I wanna take you home,” Ransom slurred slightly in your ear, as you continued to grind your hips against his as you two danced to whatever Ariana Grande song had been remixed.

“Home sounds nice,” you giggled, turning around in his hold and looking up at him as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Our home.”

“That’s right, baby. Our home,” he smiled sincerely.

The minute you two got inside, Ransom was all over you, pulling your dress off as you furiously worked to unbutton his shirt. You both were toeing off your shoes instantly as you did your best to unbutton and unzip his pants. In one swift move, he was hoisting you up as you wrapped your legs around him, carrying you to the bedroom.

Ransom loved you repeatedly that night and it felt like heaven. At one point, you couldn’t help but start to cry, because you knew the fairy tale would be over soon. Ransom just kissed them away as he continued to thrust into you relentlessly.

“Just be here with me right now. Tomorrow can wait till just then,” he moaned with a weak smile.

You tried to fight off sleep, but Ransom held you close and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. You were fast asleep within’ minutes.

When you awoke the next morning, Ransom was awake and watching you, stroking the side of your face softly as the gentle Spring breeze kissed the room.

“I don’t mean to be creepy, I just wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as possible,” he smiled softly, though his puffy red eyes let you know that he’d been crying.

“No, you’re fine. This is nice...everything has been so nice,” you whispered, trying to fight back your own tears. “I should get up and pack,” you sniffled after you cleared your throat.

“I packed your things while you were sleeping, please just stay here with me for a bit. If this is it, I just want us to...lets just live in this for a little bit longer.”

“We can do that,” you nodded as a lone tear escaped your eye.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re asleep. You’re so peaceful.”

“That’s only when I fall asleep next to you,” you chuckled softly.

“Waking up next to you every day would be perfect,” he smiled, cupping your face in his hand as you kissed his wrist softly. “What do you think our wedding would’ve been like?”

“We would’ve eloped in Paris,” you laughed as he used to his thumb to wipe away another one of your tears.

“Paris, huh?”

“Mhm, we have to make something about it at least a little romantic. No annoying families, no unwanted guests, no big to-do...just us in Paris. Saying ‘I Do’ and living happily ever after.”

“I like that a lot.”

“I thought you would.”

“Y/N, please don’t go. We can do this...make this work.”

“Ransom, please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“If it’s so hard, you should just stay!”

“I can’t. I just can’t,” you sobbed, leaning into his touch.

Ransom said nothing. He just pulled you closer as he kissed you deeply, the pain in his heart evident by his grip on you.

“You are perfect to me...for me. I love you,” he whispered against your lips.

You and Ransom loved each other with all that you each had, leaving each other spent, as your lonely, quiet sobs and moans filled the room. After all was said and done, you forced yourself out of Ransom’s hold and got dressed. Ransom wordlessly watched you as he tried to keep his crying to a minimum. You gave him one final kiss before grabbing your bag and leaving.

As you sat in your car, you contemplated going back inside and just staying with him. You knew you couldn’t. For as much as you loved Ransom, you’d loved him that much before and it hadn’t been enough.

The entire drive back to your apartment you cried as if the most precious person in your world had been taken from you; because as far as you were concerned, he had.

From that day on, you did your best to force yourself into a roll that you just didn’t fit in to. You fake laughed and smiled as everyone in the office counted down to your wedding. You pretended to be happy every time your mother(s) told you about changes they’d made in designs and color schemes. You pretended it didn’t matter when they took out peonies from the bridal bouquet, because it didn’t matter to you anymore. None of it mattered.

When Ryan made love to you, you always pretended to be somewhere else, with someone else. When he showed you houses he was interested in, you barely offered any feedback. When he gave a heartfelt speech at the rehearsal dinner, you just smiled and nodded along with everyone else, because that’s what you were supposed to do. The tears you cried were real, however. No, you weren’t crying over Ryan’s words, but because everything was all wrong. Ryan was never supposed to be your husband. It was never supposed to get as far as it did; you just didn’t have the strength or courage to stop your life from taking the turn it did.

Which is why you’re currently sitting in the bridal suite, looking for a fire escape before the heat consumes you, but what choice do you have? At this point, you truly feel as if you don’t deserve Ransom, and Ryan is just...he’s just okay. There are much worse men that you could’ve settled for at the end of the day. You keep trying to force yourself to come to terms with your choice all while the last bit of fight within you keeps screaming: run for the hills, as fast as you can.

‘Run to Ransom,’ you tell yourself mentally.

Why can’t anything ever be simple? Why can’t love ever be kind to you?

Ransom’s P.O.V.

There’s a different kind of pain you feel when you know you’re about to lose the love of your life to entitled piece of shit. Then again, I guess I’m an entitled piece of shit; takes one to know one and all of that. That’s really the reason I treated Y/N like shit. I knew that I loved you and that I’d eventually get my shit together. I just expected you to wait.

Because that’s what I wanted, and I always get my way.

At least, I did before you came along and changed everything. In my defense (as if I actually have one), how was I supposed to know that you’d be all consuming and soul stirring? Yeah, I knew what I felt for you was more than lust, but I’d never been in love before. Love is for fools, but God what a fucking fool I am.

I took you for granted, but I swore that if you took me back (again), I’d never do it again. I finally got it. I finally understood why everyone searched for love so desperately. Out of all the drugs I’ve ever done, love was definitely the most addictive and consuming.

But then you left.

Just vanished into thin air. I told myself I had a reason to be angry. A reason to be hurt. In reality, I was only ever angry with myself because I pushed you to it. It took time, but I used that pain to do better for you. To be better for you. The only problem? You never came back. I kept waiting and asking, but no one would tell me anything other than that you were happy, and that I needed to leave you alone. Something inside of me told me that you weren’t. I wish I could explain it, and maybe it was just me selfishly hoping that you weren’t. Maybe I was trying to make it easier to get you to come back to me, even though I knew you wouldn’t.

I tried to move on, focus on other things and other women, but none of them were you. It all felt hallow.

Then, it was as if God was finally listening, because I found out that you were coming home. The only problem was you were engaged. I couldn’t believe it and I had to see it for myself. I set up a fake meeting with your father, just so I could see you. I needed to see for myself that you were happy and okay. I told myself that if you were happy, I’d force myself to be strong enough and move on; that seeing you one last time would be the end of it. The moment I saw you coming down that grand staircase, I fell in love with you all over again. It was the single most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen, and I truly believe God took more time making you than He did anyone else.

Even for as gorgeous as you looked, I saw the truth behind the smile you wore that night. It almost seemed overly rehearsed, and your eyes looked like you were on auto-pilot. So I decided to stay close by, but out of sight: I needed to find out what exactly was doing this to you, making you so unhappy. Then I heard how he spoke to you. How he yelled at you, spoke down to you, and dismissed your feelings. I didn’t mean to barge in on you two, but all of the raised voices sounded as if things were about to get violent. I would’ve murdered him on the spot if he would’ve laid a finger on you.

The way you looked at me that night though...it was everything, because you couldn’t just be angry. No, there was a hint of longing, of happiness. Love even dared to give a hint of itself away.

I truly hadn’t meant to bring up the past when I got you alone that night, but it had been so long and I had so many questions. So many grievances.

As if I had any right.

You lied and told me you didn’t love me, which I of course coerced out of you because I never know when to stop, but it pissed me off nonetheless. How could you try to lie to me like I wouldn’t be able to tell? Jesus, I know I hurt you, but telling me you don’t love me anymore? That was below the belt.

In all my rage, anger, and self-pity, I announced that stupid dinner party for you two because maybe there was something I was missing. Maybe he really was good for you, and I just witnessed you two having a bad night. The scowl on your face the next day let me know that was bullshit. He treated you like shit the entire time you two were there and it made my blood boil. I told you I was sorry and I meant it. I was trying to show you that I’d changed, and I was pretending that I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t even look my way. I was selfish, I was angry, and I was hurt. So when Diana told me that you were smoking in the coat check room, of course I had to barge in and make a fuss. However, the way you looked in that dress...how was I supposed to stop myself?

It was like the first time all over again. You were just as needy and desperate as I was, unable to control myself just like you had no control; an infinitely satisfying, irresistible, intoxicating chaos. You felt like home because you were home, to and for me. Everything that I had been looking for with other women finally made sense when I was with you, like you are an answer to the questions inside my heart.

I knew I pushed too far when I made you admit that you loved me more than you love him, but I needed to hear it. After you gave me what I needed with that confession, I tried to give you what you needed: a quick and easy release, no strings attached.

The only problem? I’m a selfish fuck.

There’s no way I could let you go after you finally admitted that you still loved me, so in my infinite wisdom, had to push and get you to come to our place in the Hamptons. Just when I thought I had you again, he came along and took you away. Well, he had you at least attempting it again, which meant that there was a chance that things could still workout the way we both really wanted them to.

However, you never cracked. You didn’t text or call me asking me to come and get you, you never showed up at my door and asked me to whisk you away. You didn’t even come by the restaurant. I kept holding my breath and hoping for the best until last night when I finally caved.

“You can’t let her marry him, Sam!” I exclaimed as soon as she answered the phone.

“Ransom, she’s in the other room! I can’t do this right now because she’s barely holding it together-”

“Which is why you need to convince her to call it off!”

“So what? She can marry you?”

“Sam, I know you hate me and don’t want her with me, but we’re on the same fucking page. You know just as well as I do that he’s no good for her!”

Sam let out a heavy sigh before responding. “I know you’re right, Ransom, but I’ve talked to her about it multiple times. She’s dead set on this because she feels like she has to do it. I don’t know what’s not computing in her head, especially after the week she spent with you-”

“She told you about that?”

“She tells me every thing, Ransom. Of course I know about the week she spent with you.”

“What did she say about that weekend?”

“Ransom-”

“Even you have to admit that I’m not the same man I was before, Samantha. You know that all I want for her is the best and that I truly do love her. I’m trying to look out for her and-”

“Ransom, I know! I fucking know but I’m torn! Neither one of you are actually worth her time, but in telling you what she cried to me about...I just know it won’t be good,” she finished with a sigh.

Sam was right. Here I am, sitting in my bed, cigarette lit, as I contemplate fucking up your life or not.

You may end up hating me, but sometimes love is selfish and confusing. I’ve accepted that you won’t choose me, but I love you too much to let you go and watch you destroy yourself.

I’ve gotta put a stop to this.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

‘You’ve come this far, you just have to go through with it,’ you think to yourself as you try to get yourself ready to walk down the isle. ‘This will work. It has to work.’

“God, you look so gorgeous,” an all too familiar deep voice practically whispered from the doorway.

“Ransom, what are you doing here?!” you snap quietly, quickly turning your attention to him. “You can’t be here!”

“You can’t marry him, princess. You just...don’t pick me, fine, but you know that marrying him won’t do you any good.”

“Everyone’s already here and everything’s been paid for-”

“Stop making excuses!” Ransom interjects, forcing himself to keep his composure. “You know you don’t want this! You don’t want him! Look at all of this shit! You don’t even like more than half of the people here!” he almost shouts as he makes his way over to you. “Y/N-”

“Ransom, please don’t make this harder than it already is-”

“It shouldn’t have to be hard! Baby, please don’t do this!” Ransom begs as he gets on his knees and your tears start to fall. “We can leave right now and you do whatever you want, be with whoever you want, but I can’t watch you do this to yourself. I can’t let you destroy yourself because of what I did,” Ransom pleads as his own tears start to fall.

“I can’t just-”

“Sunshine, it’s...oh God,” your father mutters as you both turn your gaze to the doorway and see both him and your mother standing there. “Son-”

“Don’t let her do this,” Ransom demands, his tears falling freely as he stands up. “You know just as well as I do that this marriage is going to kill her. It’s going to take whatever light is left in her and destroy it! I know this is my fault but-”

“The choice is Y/N’s,” your mother interrupts softly, trying to hold back her own tears. “If she says this is for the best...”

“But we all know this isn’t!” Ransom interrupts harshly. “She knows it isn’t, don’t you?” he asks as his gaze goes back to you.

You look from him to your parents before taking a deep breath. “I’ll be fine, Ransom. I’m not yours to worry about. We had our chance and now it’s time for me to move on-”

“This isn’t even about me, Y/N! I just...I love you so much and I can’t just-”

“My mind is made up,” you sniffle out before drying your eye with the back pf your hand. “I love you. Thank you, but I’ll be fine,” you smile meekly before giving him a soft kiss on the cheek, walking over to your parents.

“Y/N-”

“I have to let you go, Ransom. I just have to,” you sob mournfully as you adjust your posture and look straight ahead.

Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can’t you just forgive and take him back?

‘Remember what happened the last time you did that? The only thing you can do is move forward and hope for the best’ you mentally tell yourself as you start to walk down the isle.

The heat of everyone’s gaze has you wishing you were anywhere else. Ryan flashes you a smile and you feel sick. All of it feels wrong. Your mother went with roses, which you hate because everyone has roses. The bridesmaid dresses are cream colored and you just want to set them all on fire, because who the fuck decided that was okay?

‘Probably Ryan’s mom,’ you scoff mentally.

The venue is loud and stupid, you don’t like half the people there, you hate the dress you’re in, and you’re not head over heels for the man that’s in front of you. It isn’t the man you want.

‘You’re already here, there’s nothing else to do but hope for the best. Love, genuine deep and soul consuming love, will come...I hope,’ you repeat to yourself mentally as the priest starts on his little speech about love and the sanctity of marriage.

As the priest goes on, you start to think about your future and all of the big moments that are to come, and Ryan was by your side in none of them. It was only Ransom.

It’s always Ransom.

At some point, you found yourself muttering ‘I do’, though you didn’t really feel like you were. Your heart isn’t committing to anything, and your brain sure as shit isn’t following in line with any of it.

‘Why are you doing this? There’s literally no reason for any of this. He loves the idea of marrying you, but he doesn’t actually love you. You know better than to fall for this! Just fucking run!’ you mentally yell yourself.

“If there’s anyone here who can find reason as to why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace,” the priest happily declares.

The room is silent but you can feel Ransom’s gaze on you. You know what’s coming without even looking his way.

‘Always saving me....always breaking me,’ you chuckle internally.

“Fuck it, I’m not good enough for her but neither is this piece of shit,” Ransom huffs as he lights a cigarette. “Besides the fact she spent almost a week fucking me, she doesn’t love him. Not enough to make this sham of a marriage work. Her heart belongs to me just like mine belongs to her. That’s just how it’ll always be,” he shrugs before taking a long drag from his smoke.

“That’s bullshit! There’s no way...right, babe?” Ryan questions as his incensed gaze lands on you.

With hundreds of eyes on you, it’s time for you to make a choice. Do you go back to what you know or do you branch off into another adventure? Do you take the safe bet or do you follow your heart?

Ransom and the rest of your guests are desperately waiting to find out.

Taglist: @fuckingbye, @maroonsunrise83, @whxre4cevans

, @sweetflowerdreams,

352 notes · View notes

edenmemes · 3 years

Text

ghost of tsushima starters

❝ promise you’ll remain the good man i know. ❞ ❝ only fools have no fear of death. ❞ ❝ i am very much alive. but my patience is dying. ❞ ❝ i’ll make sure you are remembered. as a great warrior...a wise leader. ❞ ❝ the strength we need is all around us. ❞ ❝ the past cannot hurt you. ❞ ❝ this whole journey, and i never asked your name. ❞ ❝ fear drives you to be stronger. fight harder. ❞ ❝ sometimes...our only choice is to walk away from everything we know ❞ ❝ we do what we must. that is why you and i are both survivors. ❞ ❝ i can do good! i just...need practice. ❞ ❝ may your next life be more peaceful than this one. ❞ ❝ i knew it was too good to be true. ❞ ❝ i'll see what i can do. but if you’re lying to me... ❞ ❝ you’re too comfortable with that power. ❞ ❝ don’t ever try to kill me again. ❞ ❝ turn your back on a foe...and you will die with a sword stuck in it. ❞ ❝ youre not slipping away that easily. ❞ ❝ just stay closed. keep your sword sheathed. and let me do the talking. ❞ ❝ the things i saw still haunt my nightmares. ❞ ❝ i dont even know if you're real. ❞ ❝ victories don’t have to feel good. ❞ ❝ killing your own family...it’s harder than you could ever imagine. ❞ ❝ it’s safer for everyone if i just disappear. ❞ ❝ next time, leave some glory for the rest of us. ❞ ❝ peace doesn’t always come quietly. ❞ ❝ some people respond to kindness. others require a glimpse of steel. ❞ ❝ i am nothing if not honest. ❞ ❝ stop using people, and start thinking about how you can help them. ❞ ❝ you’ve had your vengeance. don’t stand in the way of mine. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to do it alone. ❞ ❝ not all words need to be spoken. ❞ ❝ there is time yet for revenge. i will savour their cries of pain when that time comes. ❞ ❝ i have learned to love the cool, damp dark. ❞ ❝ the last thing i saw was faces filled with hatred, rage... ❞ ❝ you didn’t think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you? ❞ ❝ we will celebrate when this is all over. ❞ ❝ what’s wrong with you? one moment we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, the next you’re ready to cross blades. ❞ ❝ a warrior learns from their mistakes, or they are buried by them. ❞ ❝ remember your training...and never leave my side. ❞ ❝ well...i guess this is goodbye. ❞ ❝ your visions will grow worse, driving you to madness and death. ❞ ❝ i can only pretend for so much longer. i’m not like these people and never will be. ❞ ❝ i loved you all my life, but i could never work up the courage to tell you. ❞ ❝ the proud do not last, and the mightiest of us perish like dust before the wind. ❞ ❝ you’re a vision of mercy. ❞ ❝ not bad, but only half-good. ❞ ❝ we make a good team, don’t we? ❞ ❝ an archer’s aim relies not on eyes...but on body, mind, and spirit. ❞ ❝ this is my fight. i don’t need your weapon. ❞ ❝ being right doesn’t always make things better. ❞ ❝ there is nothing easier than to prey upon the vanity of ambitious men. ❞ ❝ you weren’t looking so good. i let you rest. ❞ ❝ your intentions this time were...better than usual. ❞ ❝ what are you not telling me? ❞ ❝ trouble sticks to you like shit on rice. ❞ ❝ it’s strange being back after so many years...everywhere i look brings back memories. ❞ ❝ only a child expects perfection of their elders. ❞ ❝ when this is all over, what will you do? ❞ ❝ you are ruled by your emotion. ❞ ❝ is this how you want to be remembered? ❞ ❝ perhaps great men share all the aspects of their lessers, but more. great wisdom, but even greater cruelty. ❞ ❝ i cannot imagine the burden a leader like you must bear. ❞ ❝ our greatest enemies are the greatest teachers. ❞ ❝ death’s shadow embraces me. hand in hand we walk. ❞ ❝ breathe. you can’t fight if you hold your breath. ❞ ❝ i know you well enough by now, my friend. ❞ ❝ i can’t go back...to what i was. before this. ❞ ❝ i hope you one day forgive me for the choice i made. ❞ ❝ the wounds you dealt my spirit will never heal. ❞ ❝ why did you turn away from me? ❞ ❝ if you can keep moving forward, so can i. ❞ ❝ it’s a bad idea to sneak up on me. ❞ ❝ promise me something. don’t become like me. ❞ ❝ let me undo the damage i’ve done. ❞ ❝ ...and you want me to clean up your mess. ❞ ❝ the path ahead may take a lifetime, but i will walk it with you. always. ❞ ❝ whatever you believe i’ve become, i will always be your family. ❞ ❝ i wouldn’t be here without you. ❞ ❝ i’ll hunt you past the horizon if i must. ❞ ❝ can i count on you to do what needs to be done? ❞ ❝ that’s over now. you’re here. with me. ❞ ❝ i thought i’d lost you, i should’ve known you’d never give up. ❞ ❝ you can’t continue down this path. ❞ ❝ be careful. demons are everywhere and they fear nothing. ❞ ❝ corpses can’t answer questions. ❞ ❝ you deserve greater respect than this. ❞ ❝ it’s just like the stories my father told me. ❞ ❝ what you become tomorrow is your choice. ❞ ❝ just ask the last man who questioned my sincerity. you’ll find his head covered in flies out back. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t have lied. i still would have helped you. ❞ ❝ we came this far. we’re not turning back now. ❞ ❝ how do we survive if we don’t trust each other? ❞ ❝ without my help, the fear and pain will overwhelm you. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, we don’t retreat. ❞ ❝ the stories are true. i’ve never seen anyone fight like you. ❞ ❝ see how the enemy fear you? you are a true warrior. ❞ ❝ you want to share a drink...with me? ❞ ❝ maybe you should’ve just ran away. like you always do. ❞ ❝ good people have nothing to fear from me. ❞ ❝ your promises are just like you. worthless. ❞ ❝ as you wish, since you asked so sweetly. ❞ ❝ i know better than to argue. ❞ ❝ i hope i can find quiet places like this one, untouched by war. ❞ ❝ we grew up together, but you threw it all away. ❞ ❝ it was so chaotic. i felt you grip my wrist and then nothing. ❞ ❝ desperation can bring out the demon in the best of men. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to leave without you, but...i can’t stay. i hope you understand. ❞ ❝ a grown man, and you still can barely sit still. ❞ ❝ and i heard you had no sense of humor! ❞ ❝ knowing and doing are different. ❞ ❝ trouble follows me everywhere. ❞ ❝ indulging violence weakens the warrior...like too much food or drink. ❞ ❝ i can always tell when you want to ask me something. out with it. ❞ ❝ i am proud to fight beside you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t nurse you back to health to watch you throw your life away. ❞ ❝ all i want...all i need is to start a new life. ❞ ❝ look twice and shoot once. ❞ ❝ i think they’re afraid of you. you can be...intimidating.. ❞ ❝ you don’t even try to hear me. it’s like talking to a stone. ❞ ❝ so you try to kill me? have you lost your mind? ❞ ❝ you’ve sacrificed everything. for revenge. ❞ ❝ we can’t let anger consume us. or blind us to our friends. ❞ ❝ there is only one way this ends. ❞ ❝ i gave you everything. and you threw it away. ❞ ❝ do not question my integrity again. ❞ ❝ your father would be proud. ❞ ❝ the worst one can do is take advantage of their own people. ❞ ❝ you follow trouble. you should ask yourself why. ❞ ❝ some of my favourite memories happened at this place. ❞ ❝ i told you this was a bad idea! ❞ ❝ keep fighting. we need people like you. ❞ ❝ are you the one who finally kills me? ❞ ❝ a warrior’s most important weapon is themself. lose control, and you risk defeat. ❞ ❝ first, get some rest. this is killing you. ❞ ❝ see that? i told you. there’s always hope. ❞ ❝ i hope the skills i gained through hardship can be of use to the people here. ❞ ❝ you have skill...but you nearly died rushing into battle. ❞ ❝ in the midst of battle, true leaders must stay rooted, stand firm. ❞ ❝ every time i get in a mess like this, i’m as scared as the time before. ❞ ❝ don’t be the next to disappoint me. ❞ ❝ save what we can, but know that everything passes away. ❞ ❝ i hope you understand, this is just a job. ❞ ❝ that’s a sad way to look at the world. ❞ ❝ seeing you like that...i’m still shaken up. ❞ ❝ sit with me a moment. ❞ ❝ doubt and indecision have destroyed armies. ❞ ❝ it’s so painful to...see you weighed down by sadness. ❞ ❝ on the slim chance some good comes of this...lead the way. ❞ ❝ you fought well, but we’re finished. ❞ ❝ the warrior’s mind is quiet but alive, like rustling bamboo. ❞ ❝ i’ve trained with a blade since i could walk. ❞ ❝ the visions...they’re still happening. ❞ ❝ in our world, being intimidating isn’t a bad thing. ❞ ❝ you have a talent. it’s time you use it, for the sake of our land. ❞ ❝ i've tried to teach you all i know...but you act more like a poet than a warrior. ❞ ❝ your path leads to madness and death. ❞ ❝ that’s twice you saved my life. ❞ ❝ these people stay because they believe in you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t choose this life. it was my only option. ❞ ❝ you came at me like i was your mortal enemy. almost broke my arm! ❞ ❝ i could use your help...in the fight ahead. ❞ ❝ you can be a little rough, but you have a good heart. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to kill you, stop! ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? afraid i’ll get more famous than you? ❞ ❝ war brings out who we truly are. ❞ ❝ take care where you place your faith. ❞ ❝ you seem lost in thought. ❞ ❝ i was getting tired of waiting for you. ❞ ❝ without my wisdom, you will lose your soul to madness. ❞ ❝ peace is an unattainable dream...but a dream worth fighting for. ❞ ❝ i’ve killed a thousand men. every death was sweet. ❞ ❝ what is the point of prayer when we are doomed? ❞ ❝ you’re like your father in more ways than you know. ❞ ❝ if you want my respect, earn it. ❞ ❝ and how many wars have you fought? ❞ ❝ you’re quite the butcher with that sword. ❞ ❝ people who sow chaos must be punished. ❞ ❝ i can’t help but wonder if you enjoy the violence. ❞ ❝ i kill only to protect our people. i think about that every time i reach for my sword. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry if my lack of skill offends. ❞ ❝ it’s the first time in days i haven’t felt like i was about to die. ❞ ❝ you fought like an animal...or a demon! ❞ ❝ there’s nothing more painful to me than a perfect bow...ineptly used. ❞ ❝ victory is won by warriors, not weapons. ❞ ❝ i couldn’t leave you to die. ❞ ❝ i made my choices. even knowing what they’ve cost me, i’d make them again. ❞ ❝ when’s the last time you slept or ate? ❞ ❝ you don’t get to give up. this land needs you. ❞ ❝ oh you pretend we are different, but we fight for the same thing. ❞ ❝ there are still places of beauty to remind us of what truly matters. ❞ ❝ true mastery begins where individual ego ends. ❞ ❝ a warrior faces danger with courage and resolve. this is how they endure. ❞ ❝ those stories...they're not entirely true. ❞ ❝ even the youngest warrior needs a full belly and a rested sword-arm. ❞ ❝ bad men are good at hiding their true natures. ❞ ❝ there is nothing left for me here. my hope is lost. ❞ ❝ i did what i had to. for you. ❞ ❝ forgive my manners. i spent all my time alone. ❞ ❝ is that any way to greet a visitor? ❞ ❝ if you continue down this path...you’ll be no better than the enemy. ❞ ❝ i am grateful for the times we share...but, i always want more. ❞ ❝ you lived your life in a castle. it made you soft. ❞ ❝ i used to know what i fought for... ❞ ❝ face them as a warrior with honour. not a monster. ❞ ❝ i don’t take lives, but i am not a coward. ❞ ❝ i wonder if i’ve crossed a line. ❞ ❝ you can’t expect everyone to understand what you’re doing, or why. ❞ ❝ your methods were brutal...impulsive...without honour. ❞ ❝ there’s plenty to fear without worrying about folktales. ❞ ❝ i hope you’ll find peace again soon. ❞ ❝ you do what you need to survive. and yet you despise others for doing the same. ❞ ❝ is that your excuse? your reason to kill? ❞ ❝ we have to keep pushing. even if it costs us our lives. ❞ ❝ cowards without honour deserve no mercy. ❞ ❝ i’ll fight beside you until the end. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, your forgiveness won’t change who i am. ❞ ❝ why should we settle for scraps when we deserve to be legends? ❞ ❝ only cowards strike from the shadows. ❞ ❝ the proud do not endure. the greatest of us fall in the end. ❞ ❝ perhaps some good will come of this. ❞ ❝ you will see nothing but death to the end of your days. ❞ ❝ legacy is more than a name. ❞ ❝ im sorry. i know what it means to lose family. ❞ ❝ one day we'll escape the endless wheel of suffering. ❞ ❝ is that a 'thank you'? ❞ ❝ i know what it means to be hunted. ❞ ❝ you personify fury and regret. ❞ ❝ that's all right. i want to hear you dig your own grave. ❞ ❝ either way, we’ve got nothing to lose. ❞ ❝ i’ve done what i can. the rest is up to you. ❞ ❝ forgive me, but you look fatigued. have you endured much hardship? ❞ ❝ i hope you find true honour in your next life. ❞ ❝ you deserve nothing less than death. ❞ ❝ this is foolish. surrender, and you can live. ❞ ❝ i too have pride in family. and i know what it’s like to live in their shadow. ❞ ❝ you were gone so long, i knew you were in trouble. ❞ ❝ so many of us here owe you our lives. ❞ ❝ what's wrong? what did they do to you? ❞ ❝ you’re lucky to be alive. ❞ ❝ i know your language. your traditions. your beliefs. which village to tame and which to burn. ❞ ❝ i cannot lose you again. ❞ ❝ i don’t seek revenge. but i will fight for peace. ❞ ❝ we will meet again soon. until then...travel safely. ❞ ❝ this is war --- not a test. ❞ ❝ we can save our home together. it doesn’t have to be like this. ❞ ❝ fear is a weapon. don’t let them use it against you. ❞

#rp meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #long post for ts /

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galaxy-of-hair · 2 years

Text

wrt guillermo seemingly flip flopping on the issue of whether he wants to be a vampire or not.

ok so i do a lot of thinkin on guillermo because i think he might be the best character televison has ever had. i’m not being hyperbolic, i mean that. he makes me insane at least three times a day i can hardly believe we get to have him we are so blessed.

there’s a lot going on with that little guy. we talk a lot about characters being repressed, or in denial. and i think even to some extent we talk about how guillermo may have been in denial wrt his feelings for nandor until his convo with meg.

it’s hard though -- especially during this, the season of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss -- to see guillermo as anything but firmly in-the-know, and firmly in control. he’s always been the competent one, the sensible one, the solid one.

but it occurred to me during my third(???) re-watch of the s3 finale, that we are seeing guillermo very out of control, even as he’s desperately trying to maintain order. the chaos orchestrated by nandor is throwing a wrench into all of his carefully placed gears. his reaction to spiraling out is to try to control shit even harder, including the narrative. he tells us he’s trying to keep the vamp pod together because he’s dedicated twelve years of his life to becoming a vampire, and he’s worried that if he can’t wrangle the situation, his chances of becoming a vampire disappear.

he insists that his main motive is still to become a vampire. that’s the reason he’s been here all along, right? that’s his thesis statement. it’s a thread that runs through almost everything he does and says. and yeah, it used to be true, definitely. the whole point is to become a vampire. why else would he be doing any of this? that’s totally why he’s freaking out so bad, cause everything he’s worked towards is going up in smoke.

and i don’t believe him. i think he’s lying.

i don’t know to what degree he’s aware that he’s lying. he’s lying to us, that’s certain, but does he know that? is he lying to himself also? hard to say. before that convo with meg, i would have pegged him for a pretty self aware guy who definitely knew about his feelings for nandor. after that scene, i’m not so sure.

guillermo is a guy who likes things clean, and neat, and orderly. there are few things less clean and neat and orderly than feelings. they are messy, confusing, painful, often illogical pains in the ass that most humans have to deal with whether we like it or not. i think this is part of the original reason guillermo wanted to be a vampire. (very cool post about vamps and emotion from @nandoor that i’m lowkey obsessed with rn) anne rice’s vampires definitely find it easier to be detached and cold and calculating.

i don’t think we interrogate guillermo’s original reason(s) for wanting to be a vampire nearly enough. because he’s often more honest with us than with the other main characters it’s easier to feel like his confidant and take what he says at face value, but i don’t think that his stated reasons for things are always true, whether he knows it or not.

i am not of the opinion that he is vacillating between wanting to be a vampire, and not wanting to be a vampire, but rather, that his motivation for wanting to be turned has shifted. being a vampire is no longer his central goal, but being a vampire is still the most obvious way to achieve his goal.

he started out staying with nandor and the gang so he could be a vampire. now he wants to be a vampire so he can stay with nandor and the gang.

but that’s a lot of messy scary emotions, so it’s easier, it’s better, (it’s safer) if he has some kind of, uh, “””professional””” reason why he doesn’t want the vampire party to end. i mean, on its surface, it sounds reasonable! i put in twelve years to get this promotion and i’ll be damned if this company files for bankruptcy before i get it! but it really doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.

he’s been in the game TWELVE YEARS. he’s made in-roads, he knows people, he’s got friends (some of them) in high places. he could probably even force a vampire to turn him at stake point if he wanted to. the staten island house splintering would not be the end of his quest for vampirism. not by a long shot. i’d argue that he’d likely have more success exploring other avenues, if that was his actual goal.

his panic is about the ticking clock, his time with these people is ENDING, there’s been a death in the family and now he’s staring down the barrel of a death of the family. (this fic by mia-ugly is amazing and it pokes into guillermo’s relationship w death) but the only reason that the clock is ticking, or that there’s a clock at all is that he’s human, and humans are on borrowed time.

if these creatures leave him behind before turning him, that would mean they may never see him again...and they’re fine with that. it’s less about a physical abandonment and more about an emotional one.

but as long as nandor turns him, even if he leaves guillermo behind, then nothing is really over. they can always see each other again. they can always try again. they’ll never run out of chances to figure it out. the pressure abates. he can take his time getting things right. as a vampire, he’ll always be a part of their future instead of a story from their past or a blurry figure in the background of one of their faded pictures.

that’s why he gets teary eyed when nandor says,

if you come with me i’ll make you a vampire.

because he hears,

come with me and we can stay together for eternity. come with me, i want you to stick around forever. come with me, i don’t want to run out of moments to share with you. come with me, we can take as much time as we need to figure this out between us. come with me, there’s no rush.

and i just think that’s neat

#wwdits #wwdits meta #nandermo #nandermo meta #guillermo de la cruz #i simp 4 vamps #long post #character study #I JUST WANNA UNDERSTAND THEM???? YA KNO????#JUST WANNA DIG AROUND IN THEIR BRAINS N SEE WHAT I FIND #i have no idea if im just stating the obvious or not but it was a lightbulb moment for me at least

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