#I just realized I've been drawing a lot of girls lately
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Making of Ashes to Ashley
Recently I posted my comic Ashes to Ashley, and got such a tremendously kind and loving response that I felt like sharing a little bit more about where it came from.
The story is about a transgender awakening, where the quiet and somber Ash explodes out of the closet as the loud and colorful Ashley. This was always the plan, however the details changed along the way. Quite quickly I realized that I was writing about myself and my own trans journey. I never played in a band and I don't imagine I'll ever grow bunny ears (sadly), but still Ashley is undoubtedly a reflection of myself. I just allowed life to become a stage and gender performance a rock concert.
Above are the first idea doodles I drew late at night in early April. I quite enjoyed giving Ashley lipstick and prominent eye shadow, since I hadn't ever done a character like that before. The idea was a bit of exaggerated femininity that accidentally becomes raw punk expression. One or two people have pointed out the Um Jammer Lammy similarities, and they are absolutely not coincidental. Initially I imagined Ashley would've been more reluctant about her transformation, which is why she looks a bit more annoyed in some of my sketches, but the story became more bright and funny if it was made immediately clear that this all happens off of her own volition.
Some method and color tests. My girlfriend suggested I instead go a lot more raw with it, which is why I ended up adamantly using an ugly sponge brush built into Photoshop. Sapphic Disaster are some form of punk-shoegaze band, so combining rough pencil linework with crunchy texture coloring felt like a fitting visual representation of them. This also side-stepped the biggest problems I've always had with drawing comics – dealing with inking is a boring waste of time, and working digitally always makes me fixate on perfection. By just using pencil on paper I had to stick with whatever errors couldn't be saved by a regular eraser, in fact I dedicated myself to only using an old worn down Bic mechanical pencil and embraced the idea that the comic would consistently look a bit off and amateurish. Of course I allowed myself the luxury of cleaning up my drawings digitally before coloring, but that can only take you so far. This way of working helped me make fast progress and kept each step engaging, I've never had as much fun drawing a comic as I had with Ashes to Ashley.
Here's a before and after from initial scan to finished panel. I often only tidy up around focal points like faces or hands, and allow the rest to remain as it is, usually parts like the legs or Ashley's ears.
Character references and my initial color picks, they went through small changes as I went along. I liked giving all the band members different sorts of rabbit ears to make them all look distinct from each other.
Here's some ideas for the Sapphic Disaster band logo and the comic's color palette, notice how Ashley is more vibrant than Ash.
While working I filled up numerous papers with doodles trying to workshop panels and layouts. It's too much to show all of them here, so I composed a few collages of my favorites.
It was pivotal for me that Ash would always look painfully cute. The sketch of the table scene with Floyd shows a rare out-of-character confident and laid-back Ash. In the presence of Floyd?! Never!
I was very concerned about the reader recognizing the old Ash when first seeing Ashley. She may be all excited about being a girl, but her nervous cluelessness remains. I ended up going back and redrawing two panels in Ashley's introduction to strengthen this impression.
For those not in the know, shoegaze is a rock subgenre that centers around noisey guitar textures, typically achieved through heavy use of effect pedals at the musicians feet; hence the name. When Ashley plays her guitar she produces a cacophony of strange sounds, the reader will have to imagine what they actually sound like, but I always imagined their opening number "I Wanna Be a Girl" to sound like a couple of amateurs trying to recreate Lush's Blackout.
The page where the band go around looking for Ashley while she's receiving her makeover was shoehorned in at a later stage for pacing purposes. That's why Gabriel is suddenly back to pulling cords after previously claiming they're all set, oops!
One of the core rules to this story is that everyone is always overly supportive of Ashley's transition no matter what. This is what makes the otherwise stern and serious Floyd especially funny, my girlfriend was pivotal in sprucing up his dialogue, adding bits like "have you seen the health care waiting lists?, "I know an endocrinologist who owes me a favor or two" and "give me 35% more danger"
Towards the end I discovered that Ashley and Debbie dancing was apparently the most important panel in the entire comic, judging by how much I tried to perfect it. (For the record, my favorite panel is when Ashley screams into the microphone that she wants to be a girl.) Maybe Ashley and Debbie dancing should've replaced the final full-page panel? Well, we got a lot of cute doodles out of it regardless. Just kiss already!
Initially I imagined Ashley to be standing alone in the "could this be the real me" final panel, but I realized her odd family of friends was equally a part of the real her. She was always right where she needed to be, she just needed to find herself within that place. (I ended up giving Ashley a cigarette because otherwise it looked like she was praying.)
Here are some ideas for the cover illustration, of course in 1:1 format to look like an album cover. Up until last minute I planned for the comic to have You Made Me Realize as its subtitle to distinguish it from eventual follow-ups, which is why the You Made Me Realize EP cover art is paraphrased in the top-middle. I ended up just going with Ashes to Ashley to keep it clean and simple. The title Ashes to Ashley was blurted out immediately by my girlfriend when I first showed her my concepts for the story. It's perfect, she's perfect.
I drew two Ashes and two Ashleys for the cover art and let my fingers smudge all over the latter. While most obviously riffing on the cover for My Bloody Valentine's Loveless, it's equally taking from the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa's Pigment.
And there you have it.
However I never intended this to be the full extent of Ashley's story, just a satisfying and complete end of a chapter. I've already finished writing the next story, Today Forever, and I hope I can get it out to you all soon enough. Your love for Ashley keeps me going.
/Kiki
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I know we usually save the #faceyourart challenges for the end of the year, but just for fun I wanted to put one together.
For reasons outside my control my art output has been embarassingly low for a couple of years, and I feel like it's only been since last year that I've gotten back into gear.
The last collage I did was from 2020, and I really wanted to make a new one with the art from the last twelve months, as a pat on my own back I guess.
Maybe I'll update it at the end of the year.
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"Look at how big my titties are getting.... so full of milk! I look like a regular breeding cow already. It's so wonderful seeing my pretty little boobs start to get so heavy and swollen. Pregnancy is amazingly fun! I was a bit worried when my doctor said he signed me up for this! I mean, I've been living as a girl for a little while now and my transition has been going super well. But as soon as I turned 18 he was like, "Emily, now that you're old enough I think you're ready to start carrying a few kids, don't you?" I was like "Uhhhh, sure?" And he had me sign all these wavers, despite me not 100% knowing what I was getting myself into!
Soooo, apparently I was entered into a trial to be continually impregnated on high doses of fertility drugs for a decade. My paperwork says that 'the patient's uterus is expected to produce a minimum of 100 kids in that time.' The minimum!? Ummmm...... wow. But I'm not too surprised. I'm only like six months along and I look huge. It's definitely making playing field hockey a lot more challenging, but as expected we are college girls now so over half of us are pregnant anyway. So I guess it's not a huge deal but when the other girls check me or tackle me I feel like my belly's gonna pop like a balloon, which would be fun to see, I suppose.... Hasn't happened yet though!
So, not only was I forcibly entered into this clinical breeding trial or whatever but I realized the procedure was pretty quick.... I asked my surgeon and I'm not going on Rocket, so I'm not giving birth urethrally, and they didn't hook my birth canal up anywhere, so I won't be giving birth anally like a lot of trans girls..... I decided to ask if they intended to do a new surgery and they said no. So I asked how am I giving birth? The people running the trial said a small device is hooked to my womb, when my babies are ready it'll emit a signal, telling them where I am.....
Guys, get this: I won't know when it's going off. They said they only perform the retrieval between 9-5 Mon-Fri. So I'll be at school or out, going about my day and they'll come by. Allegedly they'll have me take off my clothes wherever I am, they'll smear my belly with numbing cream, and..... perform a C-Section no matter where I am. College? A crowded mall? A movie theater? I'll have no choice, they'll just rip off my clothes, prep me, and open my belly like it's a casual, minor test they're performing, like drawing blood or weighing me or something. Then they'll take my babies to the usual government-owned civilian living centers all these babies are raised at by all these government-appointed breeders who manage to make it to thirty. I might end up being a full-time mom like that one day, if I'm lucky and I don't pop! So.... I have public C-Sections to look forward to! Wonder if it happens even if some random guy is fucking me as I try to go about my day? Wouldn't surprise me one bit.....
Guess I'm still glad I transitioned, even if being forced to have a uterus and pump out babies like a factory was not how I envisioned my twenties. No big deal, I guess. I love having this huge belly, and guys and girls go crazy about it! They go even crazier when they see I have a nice, thick cock between my legs, too.... I feel like it's getting even bigger lately, maybe it's just getting swollen because I jerk off so often? And every other person I run into gives it a few healthy tugs when they reach up my skirt or dresses..... Mmmmm, speaking of which I think I'm gonna put on a cute tiny dress and go out clubbing tonight. My poor pregnant body is just begging to be pounded by twenty or thirty cocks..... I'm sure my professors will understand if I'm late to class tomorrow!"
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Falling For the Devil [Part eighty-four: "The Late Night Snack Hunt"]
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader
Summary: Your friend group and you have a night out at Josie's and end up hungry and in need of snacks.
Or
The five of you get drunk and you have a very interesting night.
[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]
Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence
Word Count: 4.8k
a/n: Here's a fluffy installment that I've been teasing for awhile from a title that was suggested to me back when I was taking title suggestions (and I still have a good few more coming). We finally get the friend group back! I realized it had been a long time since we saw more than just Fog! I hope you enjoy and know that I wrote the last half of this with a fever today, but I wanted to get it finished on time! Feedback is always appreciated!
Tag List: @ninacotte @mattkinsella @stilldreaming666 @murdocksclient @madscamp02 @1988-fiend @lina-mar @pinkratts @schneeflocky @acharliecoxedfan @yarrystyleeza @theetherealbloom @danzer8705 @lionalsowrites
“Ellison was not thrilled with that story,” you told her, a grin spreading along your mouth. “I’ll tell you that much.”
“Yeah, I bet,” Karen said with a laugh. “You’re going to single handedly become the reason that man loses all his hair.”
“I mean it’s not like I was being unsafe covering that story. I have had outside help getting information,” you replied, glancing over your shoulder.
Matt was at the bar counter with Foggy, the pair of them getting another round of drinks for the table. As if he was aware you were looking at him–and knowing Matt he probably was–he glanced over at the table you, Karen, and Marci were seated at. You saw his mouth curl up into a smirk and you couldn’t fight the smile in return.
“That is still incredibly weird,” Marci pointed out.
Your attention returned to the table, your eyes landing on Marci sitting across from you. Her focus was fixed on Matt now, her fingers tapping along the glass in her hands.
“What is?” you asked her.
Her head gestured towards Matt. “His superhuman hearing,” she replied. “And the fact that I can’t actually have a girl’s chat with you if he’s around.”
You shrugged, picking up your beer and downing the last bit of it. Setting it back onto the table you asked, “Why, is there something you want to talk about?”
Marci’s eyes shifted straight towards you, a pointed look on her face as she raised a single brow. Beside you, Karen leaned her elbows onto the table, making the exact same face back at you. Your eyes darted between the pair of them curiously.
“What?” you asked. “What’s with the faces?”
“You’re literally moving in with Matt next weekend. You don’t think we have questions?” Marci asked.
“Lots of questions,” Karen added.
“Oh,” you answered. “Right, yeah. It is next weekend, isn’t it?”
“Yes! And we’ve been dying to talk to you about it!” Marci said.
Matt appeared at your side, sliding another beer along the table in front of you. You thanked him softly as he casually wrapped his arm around your shoulders. Leaning into his side, your attention shifted back to Marci and Karen.
“It’s not like you can’t talk to me about it with Matt here,” you pointed out.
“Well in that case,” Marci said, both of her elbows coming to rest along the table as she also leaned forward towards you, a devious smile on her face. “Are you freaking out? Because I know you and I’m sure you’re freaking out.”
“Yeah, a little,” you answered her.
Matt shook his head beside you, drawing his beer to his lips. “That’s a lie,” he told her. “She’s freaking out a lot. Constantly. I’m pretty sure she’s still trying to find ways to hide having her period around me.”
Turning in your chair, you gawked at Matt and the little smirk on his face as he took a pull from his beer. Karen, Marci, and even Foggy all broke into a laugh around the table. You felt your cheeks heat instantly.
“Matt!” you whined.
He set his beer back down, shrugging his shoulders as he glanced at you beside him. “What?” he asked, that smirk still on his lips. “You think I don’t know why you’re always so supportive of me going out and doing my nightly hobby for a particular week straight every month lately?”
“Oh my God ,” you groaned, burying your face in your hands. “You didn’t need to announce that to our friends.”
“Yes he did,” Karen disagreed. “So now Marci and I can tell you you’re being an idiot.”
“You have no room to say that,” you said, raising your head out of your hands and focusing on her to the right of you. “Because the guy you’ve been seeing doesn’t have heightened senses. Come back and tell me I’m being an idiot when he does .”
Matt’s hand started rubbing your shoulder comfortingly, pulling you further into his side. You felt him shift beside you, leaning over to kiss the top of your head. The embarrassment and the flush of your cheeks slowly began to dissipate at the affectionate gesture, a small smile slipping onto your lips as you contentedly melted into Matt.
“You two are freakishly adorable,” Foggy said, lifting his bottle of beer. “I can’t wait for when you both get married.”
Matt tensed instantly, his hand halting its soothing movement along your shoulder. Your brows furrowed at Foggy as he took a drink from his beer, silence falling over the table. Both Karen and Marci’s heads whipped in Foggy’s direction at his words, their eyes wide and brows raised in surprise. It took Foggy only two seconds before he was sputtering on his drink, waving a hand and shaking his head.
“I didn’t mean it like that!” he quickly corrected in a rush. “I just–just meant you and Matt are an adorable couple. And you’re–you’re moving in together soon. I feel like marriage is probably going to be on your minds at some point, you know? And I’m definitely rooting for you both,” he finished in a nervous rush. Across the table, he raised his fist and pumped it up in the air once as he awkwardly added, “Yay, go you two! Accomplishing normal relationship progressions and things.”
Somehow your brows only drew further together on your face as you stared back at Foggy like he’d finally lost it. Karen was still staring at him curiously, her blue eyes scanning his face closely. Beside Foggy, Marci was shaking her head, focusing back on her drink.
“That was weird, babe,” she told him. “Even for you.”
“Right, yeah, sorry,” Foggy muttered.
You watched as he ducked his head, suddenly quieting. Beside you, Karen’s focus shifted between you and Matt. She still had that look on her face, the same one she got when she was incredibly focused on a case.
“Have you both talked about marriage yet?” she asked slowly.
Marci’s head snapped up, her eyes alight with curiosity. “Ohh, yes, have you?” she pressed.
"Uh, well, yeah," you admitted shyly, eyes dropping down to the beer bottle you began fiddling with. "We've recently discussed it."
"And?" Marci pressed.
"And I think I should move in first before you all start trying to marry us off," you said, peeling the label on the beer bottle.
"What about kids?" Marci asked next. "Have you talked about kids?"
Your head flew up, eyes wide as you gaped at Marci. She shrugged a shoulder innocently in response, still clearly waiting for your answer. Your eyes flew to Matt, wondering what his expression would be, but you couldn't quite decipher anything with his glasses on. From what you could see, his expression looked fairly controlled and neutral, impossible to read a reaction from.
“I uh, I think we should just focus on the moving in thing right now,” you said, voice pitched a bit higher.
“Alright fine,” Marci replied defeatedly.
You watched her deflate a little on the other side of the table. Though out of the corner of your eye, you were still watching Matt and wondering what was with his suddenly quiet and hard to read exterior.
“I think we should celebrate the occasion with more drinks,” Karen suggested mischievously.
Across the table, Foggy perked right back up, his usual energy clearly back. “Here, here!” he exclaimed, raising his beer. “To our little awkward journalist taming our elusive cocky Devil!”
Matt immediately released his arm from around your shoulders, waving his hand around as he shook his head. “Come on now, Fog,” he said. “No one’s taming anyone here.”
“Dude,” Foggy said with a grin on his face, “you’ve been talking about her moving in for months now. You have it literally scheduled on your phone calendar and have been counting down to that day all fucking month.” Foggy shook his head back at Matt, the grin never leaving his face. “You’ve never been like this over a girl before, don’t fucking try to deny it. Not to me, Matt.”
A pleased smile slowly made its way across your lips as you looked up at Matt beside you. His hands were on his hips now and he was clearly tonguing his cheek. His posture was stiff and rigid as he stared straight ahead to where Foggy was still grinning back at him. After a moment Matt exhaled a deep sigh, his shoulders dropping as his hands fell from his hips. He slung his arm back around your shoulders, glancing down in your direction. The dim light of Josie’s bar reflected off of his red lenses at the movement, but as he focused on you, you saw his expression gradually shift. His usual coy and cocky smile slowly crept its way onto his face.
“I guess you were the one to tame the Devil, sweetheart,” Matt admitted.
The table erupted in a loud chorus of cheers, but your focus remained on Matt as he smiled down at you. That pleased smile never left your face, instead it only grew at his admission.
___________
“I told you guys this place would still be open,” Foggy announced.
He came to a stop on unsteady feet in front of the grocery store, one hand gesturing wildly at the well lit building and the ‘open’ sign on the door. You pulled Matt to a stop beside you, both of your hands wrapped around his bicep. Squinting at the writing underneath the store’s name on the glass window, you read it slowly before excitedly tugging on Matt’s arm.
“Foggy!” you exclaimed. “You’re brilliant! They do have organic food here!”
“Looks like they’re only–” Karen paused on a hiccup before she continued to read a sign by the door, “–open for another twenty or so minutes.”
“Well then let’s hurry the hell up!” Marci cried out.
She looped her arm through Fog’s before dragging him towards the door. You could see the cashier inside through one of the large windows. They were rolling their eyes at the sight of you and your friends and the clearly various inebriated states you all were in. You were about to lead Matt into the store after your friends, but were immediately distracted by Matt’s hand grabbing your ass. Head abruptly turning to the side, you blinked rapidly a few times until Matt stopped spinning in your vision. Seconds later you caught the sly smirk already on his lips as he continued to brazenly grope you.
“I think I could go for some cake,” Matt mused, his words slightly slurred. “That sounds like a good late night snack.”
“You sound like a good late night snack,” you blurted, the words slipping out of you before your brain even processed them.
Matt snorted in amusement, his smirk turning into an amused grin. You couldn’t resist the giggle that bubbled out of you afterwards.
He did indeed look very fucking good right now. His beard was a few days past when he normally shaved because he’d been too busy with his nighttime hobby and kept oversleeping in the mornings to do so, so it was a bit darker and fuller than usual. You’d often found your fingers brushing over it lately, and even now you couldn’t resist releasing your hold on his arm, lifting a hand to affectionately stroke his cheek. He was also still dressed in his work attire, the top two buttons of his white shirt unbuttoned and his navy tie loose and partially askew. And of course he had his sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, his muscular forearms on display along with the patch of dark hair covering them. His forearms alone had been turning you on all night–when did they not? Not to mention, his ass always looked so damn perfect in his dark dress slacks, especially with the way the material was always pulled taut over it.
Matt’s head tilted to the side, the amused grin slipping off of his lips as something more devilish replaced it. He leaned in towards your ear, his lips just grazing the shell of it as he spoke. The sensation rose goosebumps along your arms.
“At this point I’d like to take you back to what is soon to be our apartment,” Matt whispered into your ear, “toss you onto our bed, and get these pants off of you. Then I’d like to–”
“Guys!”
Matt abruptly pulled away from you at the sound of Foggy’s reprimanding voice. Your head spun behind you, taking in the look of exasperation on his face.
“This place closes in like fifteen minutes,” he continued. “Save the grabby hands for later. We're looking for noms! And Matt, buddy, I thought you wanted that trail mix? You spent twenty minutes talking about it at Josie’s.”
“I did not!” Matt shot back.
You laughed, throwing a hand over your mouth when Matt’s dour expression turned on you. He really had spent a long time talking about it before you’d all left Josie’s trying to find a bodega or grocery store open that would have organic ingredients for you to make it for him.
“Stay focused!" Foggy said, pointing a firm finger at the pair of you.
Foggy turned and headed back inside the store, leaving you and Matt alone on the sidewalk once again. With a sigh your attention returned to Matt beside you.
“If you want me to make that trail mix, we should probably go in there now,” you told him. “Otherwise you’re going to be complaining to me later tonight for twenty minutes about how you didn’t get it.”
"Well it has been awhile since you made some," Matt replied.
"Matt, I made a huge batch a couple of weeks ago,” you pointed out.
"It wasn’t a huge batch," he disagreed. “I ate it in two days!”
You shook your head, both hands wrapping firmly around his bicep and pulling him towards the store. "Because I’m pretty sure that’s all you ate for two days, Matty.”
“I just really like the way you make it,” he mumbled.
You felt Matt shrug as you opened the door of the grocery store, leading him inside with you before you abruptly came to a stop. Your eyes immediately began scanning the aisle signs hanging from the ceiling, having to squint as you tried to focus. The store around you felt like it was moving, making it more difficult for you to read all the words.
"So we need nuts," you mused, trying to decide which aisle would be the one you needed.
Matt snickered beside you, the sound drawing your attention from the signs. There was a boyish grin on his face as he clearly continued to fight back his amusement.
"What?" you asked him.
"I–" Matt snickered again, "–I might be able to help there."
You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at him as you grabbed a basket and began to lead the pair of you towards aisle six.
"Don't think you want those in there, Matt," you replied.
Matt was still shaking with silent laughter as you entered the aisle, your focus shifting to the row of nuts before you. You'd had to release your hold on Matt to try to closely scan the different packages, looking for the right nuts you always used that had no added anything–just the way Matt preferred it. Before you could grab the container from the shelf you’d decided on, you felt Matt's arms wrap around your waist as he drew you backwards and into the front of himself. His arms squeezed your waist tighter when you nearly lost your footing, keeping you from toppling over as you startled unexpectedly.
"Careful, Bambi," he teased playfully, chin resting along your shoulder.
"I'm only Bambi in heels," you countered, hands resting on his forearms to steady yourself.
Losing your focus from what you'd been doing, your eyes dropped down to his arms. Your fingers began dragging their way back and forth along the dark hair of them. Beside your ear, Matt let out a contented hum as he relaxed further into you.
"How are your forearms so big?" you asked.
Matt chuckled at your question, the rumble of his chest vibrating along your back. You bit your lip, realizing what a ridiculous question that really had been. But for some reason your mouth wouldn’t shut up.
“Like your arms are huge, so it makes sense,” you rambled on, unwrapping one of his arms from your waist and raising it towards your face to examine it, “but why are your forearms huge?”
“I do work out,” Matt replied. “Or have you already forgotten that after your experience at Fogwells?”
Your cheeks heated at the memory of him shirtless doing handstand pushups–you certainly weren’t about to forget that . Tongue slipping out to wet your lips, your eyes lingered on his muscular forearm and his hand you were still holding in front of your face. You felt Matt nuzzle against your neck at the same moment you felt a flash of arousal strike your inebriated brain.
“Mmm, and what’s that about?” Matt murmured against your skin.
“I like your arms,” you blurted.
“Oh?” he asked curiously.
“And your hands.”
You winced when the words had fallen out of your mouth, your face feeling like it was on fire now. Why were you just admitting all of this in the middle of the grocery store? Especially when you could hear Foggy screaming about cheese a few aisles over.
“I already know you like my hands, sweetheart,” he whispered. “No need to be bashful.”
You shook your head, eyes still focused on his thick fingers that yours had begun absently playing with. “No, I mean besides that. I like–” you stopped short, eyes going wide as your hands halted their movement toying with his fingers.
Matt drew his head from where it had been burrowed against your neck, his eyes focused on you behind his red glasses. There was a serious expression on his face as his head tilted just a bit to the side. His tongue quickly darted out between his lips and you saw his nostrils flare a second later.
“Finish that thought,” he ordered huskily.
“I–I just mean you’re very tactile,” you breathed out, unable to tear your eyes away from the red lenses that were inches from your face. “And I…like watching the way you touch things.”
Matt didn’t say anything, he only continued to silently stare intensely back at you. You found yourself speaking again before your brain could even catch up to the words falling out of your mouth.
“Like when you’re reading braille,” you blurted out. “Or when you’re tying or untying your tie. Or when you’re frustrated and you always put your hands on your hips.” You swallowed hard, Matt’s intense focus never wavering as your mouth wouldn’t shut up. “Or–or when you’re taking off the suit. Chopping vegetables in the kitchen. Honestly, anything you do with them is a turn on.”
Matt’s jaw tightened and you saw the way the muscle twitched in his cheek as the arm around your waist held you firmer against him. His nostrils flared again before his lips finally parted, about to speak–but before the words came out you heard laughter approaching the aisle you both were in. Both of your heads spun in the direction in time to spot your three friends standing at the end of the aisle.
“Guys!” Foggy exclaimed, holding up a tray of something in his hands. “Cheese!”
Whatever moment you’d been having with Matt quickly disappeared. Matt released his hold on your waist, his head tilting to the side in confusion as he grinned at Foggy. You dropped Matt’s hand that you’d been holding, unable to fight the smile on your face at his exuberance.
“What about it, Fog?” Matt asked him.
“What if you–now hear me out,” Foggy said, making his way towards you both, “put cheese in the trail mix?”
Your nose scrunched up on your face as Matt chuckled, shaking his head. The giant smile on Foggy’s face did not waver as Karen and Marci rolled their eyes at him.
“No one puts cheese in trail mix,” Karen told him.
“Exactly!” Foggy exclaimed. “What a missed opportunity!”
“For cheese to spoil?” Matt asked him.
“No!” Foggy said, shaking his head quickly. “You could put cheese in there! A few different types. And maybe like…some salami?” His eyes grew wide as he nodded vigorously. “Yes! That’s also a brilliant idea! And maybe–maybe some grapes?”
“Foggy Bear, it sounds like you want a charcuterie tray,” Marci said, resting a hand on his shoulder.
The expression on his face shifted to a look of confusion as his brows furrowed, eyes focusing on the tray of cheese in his hands. You bit your lip, fighting back the laughter as you watched him slowly nod, focusing on Marci.
“You’re right, babe,” he said. “Maybe we should grab one of those?”
She patted his shoulder as she said, “I’ll go grab one.”
Pouting, Foggy glanced down at the tray of cheese. “I still think it would be good in trail mix,” he muttered.
You laughed, turning and focusing back on the row of nuts beside you. Picking up the container you’d been about to grab before you’d been distracted by Matt, you placed it into the basket you were carrying. But before you could turn around and guide Matt down the aisle you’d need for the dried cherries, you felt his mouth suddenly beside your ear again.
“I’m going to remember what you said about my hands, sweetheart,” he purred.
___________
You squealed loudly as Matt dove forward, tackling you on the couch. The weight of him easily knocked you back into the cushions. Giggling, you struggled underneath him and tried to sit back up, but he buried his face in the crook of your neck and pinned you to the couch instead.
“I love you,” he said, the smile apparent in his voice as he nuzzled his nose against your skin. “Have I told you that enough lately?”
Giggling a little more at the feel of his beard tickling your skin, you shifted your hips underneath him, trying to get comfortable as your hands grasped onto his shoulders. Above you, Matt adjusted himself so he was no longer crushing you.
“Only about twenty times since I made you that trail mix,” you replied. “I’m beginning to think you’re only with me for the trail mix.”
Matt’s head drew back, a look of faux offense spread over his face. “How could you possibly think that?” he asked, feigning hurt.
You giggled again, a hand reaching up to run your fingers along his jaw. Matt’s expression softened, his head leaning into your touch as a warm smile slipped onto his lips. All this time later and it still made your heart flutter when he responded to you like that.
“You feeling a little better with some food in your stomach?” you asked him. “You drank a lot more than I did tonight.”
“Yes, and I blame Fog. He wouldn’t stop pushing the shots,” he said. “And of course he listened when you said no more. But me?”
“He’s just excited that we’re moving in together,” you told him, your hand falling to your side as Matt pulled himself off of you. “He’s texted me so much this past month freaking out himself because he’s so thrilled about you ‘finally settling down’. His words, not mine.”
You sat upright beside Matt, grinning when you watched him lean forward and stick his hand in the jar of trail mix on the coffee table. You’d made it for him the moment you two got back, Matt practically begging you the second you were through the door. He grabbed a handful and tossed it into his mouth, leaning against the backrest of the couch as he chewed.
“Yeah,” he said with his mouthful. “He certainly is. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already writing a best man speech.”
Nerves fluttered in your stomach at yet another implication of you and Matt possibly getting married tonight–though this time it actually came from Matt himself. You weren’t nearly as intoxicated now as you were earlier, but you were certainly still missing that filter between your brain and your mouth, finding yourself yet again saying things you normally wouldn’t.
“He’d make a good best man,” you said softly.
“Yeah, he would,” Matt agreed.
A moment of silence passed.
“And I already know you’d look good in a tux,” you whispered.
Matt’s gaze shifted towards you, his eyes no longer covered by his glasses now that you were both back at the apartment. For a moment they scanned around your face before you saw them abruptly shift down towards your chest, focusing directly on your heart.
“And I can only imagine the sound of your heartbeat when I call you Mrs. Murdock,” he murmured.
You audibly sucked in a breath in surprise, not expecting him to have said that . Lips parting, you gaped at him as you felt your own pulse erratically increase. A slow smile spread along his lips.
“Yeah,” he whispered, his eyes still focused on your chest. “I imagine it’d be something like that, actually.”
Stunned speechless, you sat there with your mouth hanging open as you just stared at his cocky grin. With an amused huff, he reached forward and grabbed another handful of trail mix from the glass jar, leisurely throwing a few pieces into his mouth as he settled back on the couch.
“Maybe we need this trail mix at the open bar, too,” Matt mused between bites. “Pretty sure I’ll be craving it. Especially if Fog will be forcing alcohol down my throat all night.”
You didn’t know how to respond as Matt had continued on, talking as if he’d already decided on proposing and marrying you. Your mouth was still hanging wide open as he continued to toss bits of trail mix into his mouth.
Was he being serious? Or was it the alcohol in his system making him tease you like this? Was that all it was–him teasing you? Because you knew how much he liked to do that to get a reaction out of your body. But at the same time, why would he tease you about something so big like that? He had to know marriage wasn’t a topic for poking fun at you about.
Something hit your chin and you startled out of your thoughts. Matt’s entertained chuckle hit your ears as your brows drew together, your mouth finally closing. Glancing down, you saw a cashew on your lap.
“Did you just–just throw a cashew at me?” you asked him in disbelief.
“Well if you’re going to sit there gawking at me with your mouth open like that,” Matt teased, “I figured I’d see if I could make one in. Guess I missed, though.”
Your eyes drew back up to his face, taking in the wide smile settled there. The dimple you loved so much was visible, his eyes creased at the corners as he gazed back at you.
“Why?” you asked him, picking up the cashew and tossing it into your mouth.
His smile never faltered as he shrugged. “Broke you out of your spiraling thoughts, didn’t it?” he questioned back.
“How did you…?”
“I know you, love,” he replied simply.
Your eyes dropped down to the hand he’d gently placed on your knee. Your heart fluttered in your chest at the rare term of endearment he occasionally called you. A second later he patted your knee twice.
“How about we get ready for bed?” he suggested. “I’m pretty tired and honestly curling up with you sounds perfect right now.”
“Yeah, okay,” you said with a nod. “I’ll uh, I’ll grab those noise-reducing earbuds and leave them on your nightstand. I have a feeling you’ll need them in the morning.”
The pair of you rose from the couch together, but before you could make your way to where he kept the earbuds in that bowl in his entryway, his hands landed on your hips. He drew you towards himself, slipping his arms around your waist as he pulled you into an embrace. Your own arms wrapped around his neck as you buried your face into his shoulder, your body naturally melting into his. It was crazy to think that a year ago you were still quietly pining over him, and now here you were about to move in with him.
“I love you,” you whispered into his dress shirt.
Matt’s lips placed a soft kiss to the top of your head. “I love you, too,” he murmured into your hair.
“Only one more week,” you whispered.
His arms squeezed you a bit tighter in response.
“Only one more week,” he agreed.
#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock x you#matt murdock fluff#matt murdock#matt murdock fic#matt murdock x f!reader
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Today marks three years of Dianthus existing! I made my first concept sketches for her on 11/20/23 💖 this also means it's been three years of Diathesterius! I sometimes use the date I uploaded Dia to toyhouse, the 21st, as the anniversary date just in case I'm late... but I managed to finish colouring this <3 I had actually wanted to do something for this earlier in the month, I even made some very elaborate plans for it... but it ended up not happening! Which is okay 💞 but I still wanted to draw a little wedding piece... so I did! I'll make something fancier when I have more time later on... 💝 I used my own handwriting here for authenticity, but at some point... I'd like to be able to rewrite in Greek for More authenticity <3
Uncropped version (and long rambling post) under the cut 💕 I get a little Vulnerable so don't read it if you're gonna be mean or else I'll like Get You or something
I've made posts in the past talking about why Theseus and Asterius mean so much to me, but I don't think I've made one on why Dianthus herself means so much to me.. so for her own third year anniversary, I'll do that here!
before I begin...! the fruit in dia's hair here are from the strawberry tree, arbutus unedo. I associate the tree and its fruit with Theseus but... it's honestly been so long, I don't remember exactly why! Just that, for some reason, I imagine thathis childhood home had a tree of these fruit blossoming just outside his mother's room, and thus he has fond memories of it.
Lady Dianthus... she who loves all things pink, actively hates celery, and still has a job at the library despite being so fogetful and clumsy... she who met Theseus and immediately became obsessed because it was the first interesting thing to happen to her- not a parent or someone she's close to, but herself! her first time feeling as if she had a true purpose. She who didn't understand Theseus' obsession with Asterius until meeting he Minotaur, and promptly decided "he's not scary? he's not scary at all! he's just a cow!"
I've made sona and the likes before Dia of course, but she was the first in a long time who was truly meant to resemble me in all ways (except for the setting, of course...). I made her design simple so I would easily be able to redraw her, and gave her one of my favourite palettes pink and green and cream and gold. At first I really didn't expect to get that attached to her... I went months without drawing her after her initial creation. but the more I drew her the more I realized how much fun I was having with her...! It's funny looking back on it... originally I had a much more comedic idea for her story, and di not intend to ship her with Theseus in any serious way. It was going to be a completely one-sided love (with Dianthus taking the role of "crazed fangirl" - which she still is, in a way). I'm sure it isn't a surprise but it didn't take me long at all to start drawing ship art of them, creating artworks and writing of Theseus and Asterius was a self indulgent joy for me, so why not selfship art too?
I ended up invested, of course. Using Dia I put a lot of my own feelings into a story; a sense of otherness, her loneliness, feeling lost and out of place. I had removed it later on because I felt uneasy with how vulnerable it was, but at one put I had placed one of the most traumatic events of my life into Dia's story- sometimes I think about adding it back, because I know giving her an oppurtunity to open up about it with her beloveds would be something beneficial to Me irl(!). But that's besides the point here...
she's a stubborn girl, sweet but arrogant is my usual go-to descriptor for her; that's how I think of myself too, just based on what I've been told (I have a hard time thinking of myself as nice, though others always say so to me...). That may be part of why I tend to look for those features in (fictional!) lovers... something feels good to me about being able to butt heads due to this shared traits, but still coming together and making amends despite it.
I do think it's a little funny that the sonas I've gotten the most attached to so far- Dianthus, and now Nerine- have some sort of theme of death with them. Dianthus is literally a ghost, and Nerine is metaphorically one (and maybe liteally, if I ever make up my mind...). Maybe that's just fitting for me, though... hmm...
I'm not sure what else I want to say here...
I think of Dianthus as "Me but in Hades Game / Ancient Greek context." Of course some events that happen in her life didn't happen to me, or, sometimes, I dramatize it (Dia's mother leaving her and her father to become the wife of a god was inspired by the fact that for the first few yers of my life, my parents were separated... but they always had a positive relationship with one another! Unlike Dia's parents), but she's become a big par
t of me all the same. Just as I am happy and hoping to spend many more years with Theseus and Asterius, I hope to spend many more years with her as well.
i think that's all I'll write for now <3 if you read this thank you for being curious enough about me to be interested in all this 😭
btw, here's the first ever post of her... (yes thats my priv </3 i briefly unlocked it to search for this... don't try and follow me over there though it's crazy over there)
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Daily Check-in: April 20, 2024 🎀
No update for Friday as all I did was go to class then go to work, come home, and sleep. But Saturday was a very good day and I feel as tho I did a good amount of things! And I feel good about the thing I did! <3
🩷 What I Accomplished:
woke up early before work (didn't hit my alarm three times and wake up tired, like I've been doing)
worked a ~7hour shift
agreed to cover a coworkers morning shift on Sunday 4/21
created a budget/ work plan for next semester to see how much I can make vs what most of my spending will look like
made an appointment to get a tattoo at the beginning of May (it's a tattoo to honor my dad and my late mother, who will have been gone 10 years this year. I wanted to honor my dad with the tattoo as well because he has been an amazing parent for the last 10 years, and I love and appreciate him so much)
booked an intro class at club pilates for mid-may (finally going to see if I enjoy it, and if so, will continue taking classes next semester!)
did a morning yoga workout
reflected on why I've been having a hard time sticking to my goals/daily tasks lately
washed my laundry (didn't put away tho)
💞 Good Things That Happened:
my friend gave me a ride to work
my favorite supervisor gave me a ride home from work
ate some spicy cheesey ramen
had a really good day at work
was able to request a day off work for beginning of May
got told my tattoo won't cost as much as I had thought
talked more with my roommates
💔 What Could've Gone Better:
drank too much coffee, and too late at night
had a near panic attack because of the coffee and cried myself to sleep
didn't zoom with my boyfriend because of how bad the coffee made me feel
lost trust with a different supervisor that I had thought was cool with me ( made me realize you can't trust most men to keep their word nowadays. not all men. just the men where I live at least.)
didn't study anything or do anything I felt was productive
💗 Stuff For Sunday:
work a shift
clean bathroom
wash pillowcases and towels
dust bedroom
practice some past chemistry homework problems
pick up medication from pharmacy after work
draw up rough sketch of tattoo idea
morning yoga?? we shall see
DONT drink too much caffiene
til next time lovelies 🩷
p.s Check Out My Depop shop!
💕 Song of The Day: Pied Piper - BTS
this song has been making me feel the same way that House of Cards has, which is saying a lot. I love this song so much right now.
#pink pilates girl#pink pilates princess#self development#wonyoungism#it girl#mental health#self care#physical health#that girl#self love#pink academia#pink aesthetic#pink blog#pilates aesthetic#college student#student life#student#spanish studyblr#college studyblr#studyblr community#studyblr#language studyblr#uniblr#university student#uni student#study aesthetic#studyspo#college studyspo#that girl energy#it girl energy
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Thank youuu for the tag @afterhovr 🌞
1. Are you named after anyone?
I'm not named after anyone
2. When was the last time you cried?
A few days ago
3. Do you have kids?
Nope
4. What sports do you play/have you played?
I used to play basketball when I was a kid & in some of my teenage years and I actually decided to start playing again ~ I had my first basketball training last week and it was amazing to reconnect after 13+ years
5. Do you use sarcasm?
I do but certainly not with everyone
6. What is the first thing you notice about people?
The eyes and just the energy one radiates, the vibe one gives off
7. What’s your eye colour?
They're very dark brown :)
8. Scary movies or happy endings?
I definitely love both. Having said that I love watching more suspenseful/horror type of movies again lately, thanks to my girlfriend who is very much into the spooky kind of stuff 💛
9. Any talents?
I'd say in general I'm just a creative type of person (thank you water placements in my natal chart)
10. Where were you born?
In the most beautiful country in the world ~ Greece 🇬🇷
11. What are your hobbies?
I have many interests but I mostly find myself so overwhelmed that I usually end up watching something on netflix or scrolling through tumblr... I am working on regaining my energy and motivation though so just to name a few things that bring me joy:
reading, writing, drawing, DJ-ing, discovering new music, visiting museums, going to the movies, going to techno parties/festivals, going to concerts & more
12. Do you have any pets?
Yes, she's the sweetest lil dog ever and her name is Ravi, but she lives with my ex. Luckily I get to see precious Ravi regularly
13. How tall are you?
167cm or about 5'6"
14. Favorite subject in school?
It used to be arts class and English
15. Dream job?
Difficult fucking question because I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I would love to be a coach/mentor/social worker using film (or anything else creative) as a tool to help people.
I used to think that I wanted to get back into film making entirely but as I'm getting older I'm realizing that I just want to help people unstuck themselves so that they can move forward and grow into their beautiful authentic selves.
There's some personal inner work I have to go through still but I am definitely thinking about going back to school so I can start shaping the job of my dreams myself.
👽👽👽
I'm tagging: @sink--orswim @wetwicksdry @starlet-sky @phoenix----rising @in-kind @mossworldsstuff @planetaerium @halosydne @losingmymindx @zohalia @strwbrry5evr @burnitoffyourmind @urtopia @psilocybinsagittarius @xxintuitionxx @inlovewetrust555 @daniellesjourneyxo @celestial-anomie @tendergesturess @for-the-girls-blog @sophiasgranddaughter
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Echoes, Fragments & Puzzle Pieces [B.B] [1/?]
Summary: You are a young woman, trying to live your life after captivity. You live in the shadows after escaping from an organisation known as The Syndicate, desperate to copy Hydra's work. You were to be their Winter Soldier but with added "bonuses". But, when opportunity knocks, will you answer it?
Warnings: none (I don't think), maybe indication of abuse. (Instead of Y/N I've put Lia, simply just to make it flow a bit better, but of course you can replace it with your name.)
Word count: 3256 (This one is longer than I intended so it'll be a mini-series)
Fandom: Marvel
Pairing: eventual Bucky x reader
Part 2, Part 3,
The city's museum was usually a chill place to kill an afternoon—lots of old stuff, quiet corners, and enough space that nobody paid you much mind. You liked it that way. You were just another face in the crowd, easy to miss, easier to forget.
Wandering through an exhibit on ancient Greece, you stopped in front of a vase that showed a bunch of tiny warriors doing their battle thing. There was something about it that felt... loud. Like it was yelling at you through a megaphone, begging to be noticed.
Without thinking, you reached out and touched it. Bad idea.
Suddenly, the air fizzled like someone had cranked up the voltage, and the room got all twisty. The vase’s scene went high-def, the warriors popping out and doing their fighting dance right there in the middle of the museum. People around you gasped, their phones out, probably thinking this was some kind of flash mob deal.
But then, as quick as it started, the show stopped. The warriors went back to being boring old paint on pottery. Everyone was buzzing, looking around, trying to figure out what had just happened and who’d flipped the switch.
That's when your weird gift—or curse—kicked in and suddenly, you were about as noticeable as a piece of gum stuck under a park bench. You slipped through the crowd, who were too busy arguing about what they’d seen to remember the girl who’d started it all.
You were out in the cold air before the guards even made it to the empty spot where you had been standing a second ago. Your heart was doing the samba in your chest, and your head was full of questions with no answers. What the hell did I just do? I can’t believe it happened again.
After ducking out of the museum, your quick steps turned into a jog, then a full-blown sprint the moment your feet hit the pavement. The city was a living beast around you, and you melted into it, just another face in the late afternoon rush.
You didn’t stop until you reached your current hideout—a tiny, forgotten storage room above an old laundromat. The place smelt like fabric softener and rotten wood, but it was perfect.
You fumbled with the keys, your fingers still trembling. Inside, the room was just as you left it: small, cluttered with thrift store finds, and walls covered with a collage of drawings and photos—none of which were yours. You had hoped they’d trigger something, anything, about who you were. Who you used to be. So far, no luck.
You slumped onto the bed and let out a breath you didn't realize you’d been holding. The room was quiet, but your mind was loud.
Just as you were about to chalk up the day's craziness to yet another episode you’d rather forget, a knock came at the door. Three sharp taps, like the punchline to a joke you weren’t in on.
You froze. Nobody knocked in this place, mostly because nobody knew you were here. Slowly, you crept to the door and peered through the peephole.
On the other side stood a guy in a sharp suit with a face that screamed government agent or maybe vacuum cleaner salesman. Next to him, a woman with red hair and a look that said she could dropkick you without breaking a sweat. Definitely not salespeople.
You opened the door a crack, enough to be heard, not enough to be grabbed. "Can I help you?"
The man smiled, and it was a practiced thing, like he’d done it in front of a mirror. "Lia?" he asked, his voice smooth like a radio host's. "We need to talk."
The woman chimed in, her voice just as calm but carrying a weight that made you listen. "It's about what happened at the museum today. And it's about you."
Everything in you told you to slam the door, to run and never stop running. But something else, something tired of running and hiding, wanted to stay. Maybe they had answers. Maybe they could tell you who you really were.
So, you opened the door wider, stepped back, and let them walk in.
You moved towards the window; your body tensed for flight if it turned out these people were here to hurt you. As the quiet of your room settled back in around you, you studied your unexpected guests. Agent Coulson was giving you a kind of half-smile that seemed meant to reassure you, while Natasha looked like someone who didn't do much without a reason.
Natasha took a step forward, her eyes not just seeing you, but reading you, "We've been tracking incidents like the one at the museum for a while now," she said. "Unexplained phenomena. Memories made real. They've happened in cities across the globe—Paris, Cairo, Bangkok,”
Your heart skipped. You’d never thought much about how you ended up in those places. You just... went where you felt you needed to be, slipping onto planes and boats, always just out of sight, never questioned. No tickets, no passport, no problem. It was as if the world itself had forgotten you needed those things.
Coulson chimed in, "Your... talent, it's quite extraordinary. And it's brought you to our attention for a reason. We think you can be more than just a ghost moving through the crowds."
The words hit you harder than expected. A ghost—that's exactly what you’d felt like. A nobody. A nothing. Just someone on the run. Someone who didn’t have a home or a family at least not one you could remember. But these people—these Avengers? They were offering you a chance to be something more. What should you do?
Go or stay?
"We can help you," Natasha said, and it wasn't a question. "Help you control it, use it. You've been surviving, but you could be living. With us."
You looked between them, the offer hanging heavy in the air. You had spent so long hiding in plain sight, a part of you was screaming to keep it that way. Safe. Invisible. But another part—a part you’d buried deep long ago—wanted to step into the light, to be seen, to be somebody. To be loved.
Finally, you nodded. "I want... I want to understand," you said, the words a whisper but clear. "I want to remember."
Coulson’s smile turned genuine this time, and Natasha’s posture relaxed just a fraction. "Good," Natasha replied. "Because we start tomorrow. We'll teach you, train you. And maybe along the way, we'll find out where you've really come from."
Coulson reached out his hand, a card tucked between his fingers and you immediately recoiled. Natasha took the card from his hand and placed it on the table.
“It has the address on it,” she told you, keeping her distance from you, “Time too. Don’t be late,” she added walking out, Coulson following behind. He shot you a small, apologetic smile as he left.
***
After a night of tossing and turning, the dawn finally broke free and it was time to head out. Was this the start of your new life? Should you get your hopes up? Probably not. If you don’t, at least you won’t be disappointed.
After navigating the busy sidewalks and dodging psychotic cab drivers, you found yourself gazing up at the Avengers Tower, its glass facade reflecting the bustling city life below. It was massive, stretching up into the clouds like Jack’s beanstalk.
Taking a shaky breath, you stepped through the sliding doors. Your sneakers scuffed the gleaming floor of the Avengers Tower as you entered, your eyes darting up to the dizzying heights of the lobby's ceiling. The place was like a slice of the future, dropped right in the middle of New York City, all shiny metal and cool blue light.
You stood there for a second, feeling small and insignificant in the buzz of the place. People were everywhere, striding by, talking into earpieces, and tapping on tablets. Your heart thumped a nervous rhythm, but you squared your shoulders and took a step forward. No more hiding.
A man with a badge and a tie approached you with a business-like smile. "Lia?" His voice was smooth, practiced. He gestured toward the elevators with a sweep of his hand. "Right this way."
You rode up in silence, focusing on the numbers on the elevator panel climbing trying to distract yourself from the proximity of the stranger and the fact there was no escape. You felt the weight of the building above you, full of heroes and stories and now, maybe, a place for you too.
No. don’t get your hopes up. You told yourself.
The training floor was like stepping onto another planet. You hadn’t seen this much technology in an electronic store. It was all open space and moving parts, with areas marked out for fighting, climbing, and things you couldn't even hazard a guess at. High above, screens showed maps and data flickering past too fast for you to read.
Soon your gaze fell on Natasha, looking every inch the hero, you had seen on TV, but realer, somehow. "Glad you could make it," she said, and there was a thread of something like pride in her voice. You just nodded, forcing a small polite smile, “We’re gonna do some hand-to-hand combat, see what you can do. You okay with that?”
Not really, you thought, the last time you fought was for survival. Kill or be killed. You’d rather not have taken another life, but he left you no choice. But at least he deserved to die. There were others that didn’t. Others that died at your hand.
“Okay,” she murmured, the word barely making it out before being swallowed by the expanse of the room. It was a lie wrapped in a whisper.
Natasha nodded, sensing the tremor in your voice, the shadow of understanding passed over her eyes. "We'll take it slow," she assured, though you both knew that in combat, there's no such thing.
As you squared off, you could feel the ghosts of your past rising up, specters waiting to see if you’d fall back into your old patterns. But this was a new day, a new place, with rules you were still trying to understand. Here, you weren’t a weapon, but a lost soul seeking redemption—one carefully controlled move at a time.
Your practice session was in full swing when the heavy thud of boots drew your attention to the entrance, where you found the Avengers.
A tall blonde man led the pack, his presence commanding yet genial. He approached you with an easy stride, a congenial smile playing on his lips. "Hi, Lia. I'm Steve Rogers," he said, extending his hand in greeting.
The gesture, meant to be friendly, was a trigger. Your instincts, honed by too many betrayals and battles, kicked in. Your muscles tensed, your stance shifted, ready to move, to defend. You didn't see Captain America, the symbol of trust and bravery; you saw a potential threat, another combatant in the long line you had faced.
You recoiled sharply, stepping back and away from the offered hand. Steve's hand hung in the air. His smile faltered into a look of concern, and he slowly lowered his arm, taking a step back to respect your space. The reaction reminded him of what Bucky was like when he first arrived. The room filled with a tense silence, each Avenger processing the scene, recalibrating their approach.
"I... I'm sorry," You stammered, the words escaping you in a rush, "I didn't mean—"
Steve shook his head gently, cutting you off. "No need to apologize," he reassured you.
The other Avengers exchanged glances, their initial assessments of you now tinged with a new understanding. They saw not just a potential ally with valuable skills, but a person still grappling with the shadows of their past, still fighting a war within yourself that hadn't yet ended.
With the tension still hanging in the air like a thick fog. They didn't advance any further, but they continued their introductions, each mindful of your space.
Tony Stark, with his hands safely tucked away, gave a little wave from a distance. "Tony," he said simply, opting for a nod instead of his usual flamboyant welcome.
Bruce Banner offered a warm, empathetic smile, his hands clasped in front of him. "Bruce here. I know a thing or two about keeping a lid on it," he said with a gentle chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.
Clint Barton remained where he was, leaning against the wall with a friendly grin. "Clint."
Thor’s voice, always filled with a regal boom, softened slightly out of respect for you, "Thor of Asgard," he introduced himself with a small bow of his head rather than his usual enthusiastic handshake.
Bucky Barnes watched you with an understanding that came from shared experiences. He simply nodded, his introduction a quiet murmur. "Bucky."
As the Avengers took their places along the edge of the training area, Natasha turned back to you, her expression both understanding and focused. "Ready to keep going?" she asked, her tone suggesting you could stop at any moment if you felt uncomfortable.
You nodded, your breath steadying as you found your footing again. The session resumed with Natasha guiding you through a series of defensive moves, demonstrating and then watching as you mimicked them. Your movements were precise, almost too perfect, each one carried out with a fluidity that spoke of muscle memory ingrained from countless battles.
After the session, they gathered to discuss privately, leaving you to reflect on your performance and your past. Each member had an opinion about you, Steve voiced his impression first, noting your skill and potential. Natasha spoke of your control and focus. Tony, ever the skeptic, remained quiet, observing and calculating. Bruce empathized with your struggle for control, and Clint expressed his belief in your abilities. Thor saw a warrior's spirit, and Bucky, he saw a reflection of his own path to redemption.Top of Form
"I know what it's like to be on the outside, to not know if you can control what you've become. She needs this. We might be the only ones who can help her." Bucky added, his voice steady and sure.
Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I get it. She's special, mysterious, but we're not a charity. We can't keep picking up strays." He added, he looked over to Bucky, “No offence, Robo-Cop,”
Bucky rolled his eyes, “I think we should give her a chance,” There were nods and a few "hmms" of agreement.
Tony was still on the fence and Nat rolled her eyes, “You can afford it,”
Tony shot her a mock glare, but the corners of his mouth twitched in amusement. "I suppose the Tower can house one more," he conceded, a begrudging warmth seeping into his voice, “There’s a spare room beside Wanda,”
Natasha found you where they'd left you, still on the training mat, now sitting you’re your knees pulled up to your chest, lost in thought. You looked up as Natasha approached, your guard visibly rising again.
Natasha didn't waste time with pleasantries. "You're in," she said, her voice carrying a firmness that left no room for doubt. "Welcome to the Avengers."
The words hung in the air for a moment, heavy with promise and uncertainty. Your face remained guarded, but a flicker of something—relief, perhaps, or cautious hope—passed over your features, "Thank you," you said, your voice almost a whisper.
Natasha gestured for you to follow. "Come on. I'll show you to your room."
You walked in silence as she led you to a room not far from the main living area. "This will be your space," she said, opening the door to a room that was simple and clean, with a bed, a desk, and a window that looked out over the city, “I know it’s bare but you can decorate it how you want,”
You stepped inside tentatively, your eyes taking in every detail of the room. It was more than you’d expected, a place of your own within this fortress of heroes. "It's perfect," you said, allowing yourself a small smile as you ran your fingers over the smooth fabric of the bedspread.
Natasha leaned against the doorframe as your eyes floated around the room, she spoke up softly as not to startle you, “Dinner is in an hour, it’s pizza night, any preference?”
“Cheese is okay,” you replied, not wanting to be awkward and order something too extra.
“Okay, we usually eat all together but I can bring it up and you can eat in here if you prefer,” she offered, you nodded, but something in her face showed that she already knew what your decision would be. She gave you a nod and a smile before closing the door to give you privacy.
Your eyes left the closed door and started scanning the room again. The walls were a soft shade of cream, bare and waiting for a personal touch. You weren’t sure you had. It had a bed, neatly made with crisp white linens and a sturdy desk sat patiently against one wall.
But the big window was what really caught her eye. It was huge, like a giant TV screen showing the live bustle of the city below. She could see the tiny cars and people moving down there, all busy and rushing around, unaware of the girl who watched from above.
You went up to the window and pressed your hands against it. It felt cool and a little bit thrilling to see everything from up so high.
This room was a new start, a blank page. But even with the excitement, you couldn't shake off the jitters in your belly. You were scared of getting hurt again, scared of someone turning on you. Scared of turning into the thing you hated most. The killer that was planted within you. This place was safe, they said, but you’d heard that before.
Hugging yourself, you tried to imagine being part of all that life below. The room felt like a cozy nest, but you were like a bird that wasn't sure how to fly yet. One who had forgotten how to.
As the sun started to set, the sky turned all kinds of pretty colors, and lights began twinkling on in the buildings and streets. Maybe one day, you thought, one of those lights would feel like home to you.
For tonight, you were just a girl with a new room, looking out at the city and feeling a mix of hope and worry. Tomorrow you’d start figuring out how to fit into this new life. But right now, you were okay just watching and waiting, high above the quiet city that was slowly going to sleep.
An hour later, there was a soft knock on your door. You opened it to see Natasha, who remained on the other side of the threshold, a respectful distance away, holding a pizza box. The aroma of melted cheese hinted at the contents, “Here's your cheese pizza,”
You took the box, feeling the warmth from the bottom seep into your hands. “Thanks,” she replied, her stomach rumbling in response.
Natasha gave you a quick nod. “Enjoy,” she said, and then she was gone, leaving you alone with your pizza and the view of the city lights below.
[A/N] the song I listened to writing this 😂
#reader insert#female reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#the avengers#avengers x reader#Spotify
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thomas confessing his feelings?
the sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows across the glade as the day began to wind down. the gladers were scattered about, some tending to the gardens, others working on repairs, and a group of runners gathering around the map table, discussing their latest discoveries in the maze. among them stood thomas, his dark hair tousled and his eyes focused as he listened to the reports.
you, however, had earned a reputation as a bit of a hotshot around the glade. Your swift and fearless running had made you an asset to the community. you were known for your determination and your ability to navigate the maze like no other. today was no different; you had returned from a particularly successful run, and the other runners couldn't stop talking about it. as you made your way toward the map table to join the discussion, thomas caught sight of you, his eyes lingering on your confident stride. he had always admired your bravery and skills, but there was something else he couldn't quite put into words. every time he saw you, his heart seemed to race, and his thoughts became a jumbled mess.
you joined the group, and the discussion continued, but thomas found it increasingly difficult to focus on the maze's intricacies. he stole glances at you, trying to hide his admiration, but it was clear to minho, his best friend and fellow runner, that something was amiss. he nudged thomas, whispering, “hey, greenie, you've been staring at (y/n) like you've never seen a girl before. what's up with that?”
thomas tore his gaze away from you, blushing slightly. “i—i don't know, minho. she's just—impressive, that's all.” minho smirked knowingly. “impressive, huh? more like you've got a crush, tommy-boy.”
his cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red. “no, it's not like that. we're friends, that's all.”
but minho wasn't convinced, and he decided to take matters into his own hands. “hey, (y/n),” he called out, drawing your attention away from the map. you turned to face him, a curious look in your eyes. “what's up, minho?”
he grinned mischievously. “thomas here has something he wants to say to you.” thomas shot minho an exasperated look, but it was too late to back out now. he took a deep breath and stepped forward. “(y/n), i just wanted to say that i'm really impressed with your running skills. you're amazing out there in the maze, and i admire your bravery.” you smiled, flattered by his words. “thanks, thomas. that means a lot coming from you. you're pretty amazing yourself.”
thomas's heart skipped a beat at your response. encouraged by your kind words, he continued, “and, um, there's something else i wanted to say. it's just—i've been feeling like there's something more between us, something i can't quite explain.” you looked at him, your expression softening. “thomas, i've felt that too. there's definitely a connection between us, something special.”
a wave of relief washed over him as he realized that you felt the same way. “(y/n), i can't stop thinking about you. every time i see you, my heart races, and i just—i care about you a lot.” you took a step closer to him, and he could see the warmth in your eyes. “thomas, i care about you too. more than i can put into words.”
in that moment, the world around you two seemed to fade away. it was just the two of you, standing in the glade, your hearts beating in sync. thomas reached out, gently cupping your face, and before he knew it, he was leaning in, his lips meeting yours in a soft, tentative kiss. the kiss was everything you had both been yearning for, a culmination of unspoken feelings and shared experiences. as you pulled away, you gazed into each other's eyes, their smiles reflecting the newfound happiness that had bloomed between you.
from that day forward, your connection with thomas deepened, and your love story became an anchor of hope and strength in the midst of the ever-encroaching darkness of the maze.
#tmr#the maze runner#the scorch trials#the death cure#thomas tmr#thomas tmr fluff#thomas tmr smut#thomas tmr angst#the maze runner thomas#the maze runner fluff#thomas the maze runner#the maze runner thomas fluff
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Katzenjammer by Francesca Zappia
"They're all so dark, Dad said one day, watching over my shoulder as I worked at the kitchen table. Why don't you paint things like a blue sky, or a field of flowers, or a bird flying on a breeze? Something happy that your mom can put on the fridge.
She can put these on the fridge, I said.
Maybe just one flower? he asked.
There are no flowers where I live, I said."
Year Read: 2023
Rating: 4/5
About: Cat has been stuck in School for as long as she can remember. The hallways slowly expand and contract with School's breathing, the showers run red with blood, and the students have divided themselves into changed and unchanged. While the unchanged hide in the fortress of administration, Cat and her friends haunt the courtyard and hallways. Her best friend is turning into cardboard, and Cat's face has become a cat mask made of her own hardened flesh. There are no doors or windows in or out of School, and something is hunting them down one by one in the hallways. To escape, Cat will have to understand why they're trapped in the first place. Trigger warnings: Some triggers are listed at the end of the review because they include spoilers. Character death, guns, violence, blood/gore, dismemberment, body/eye horror, bullying, slut-shaming, vandalism.
Thoughts: Thanks to @ninja-muse for recommending this book, since I'm not sure I would have found it on my own. This is probably my favorite Francesca Zappia novel to date, and one of the best novels on this subject I've ever read (more on that after the spoilers). However, I believe it's best to go into it not knowing much more than the description provides. This book works extremely well as a slow reveal. What starts out as a mindfuck becomes slow understanding as we realize more or less alongside Cat what is happening in School, and you'd be doing yourself a disservice to read the spoilers if you plan to read this. However, it covers a number of very heavy and potentially triggering topics (and it's difficult to gush about how I think it works without giving things away), so I'll include those thoughts at the end. I can't stress it enough though. If you're not easily triggered, stop here and go read this book!
This is also one of the best examples of uncanny horror that I've read in a long time. Zappia expertly manages to capture the quality of a nightmare without sacrificing the continuity. School is creepy and semi-sentient, and the changes it brings about in half the students are a study in body horror. Perhaps even more terrifying are the parallels it draws to some very real life horrors such as bullying and, indeed, I found the flashback chapters of Cat's surfacing memories of her former life of being targeted, bullied, and slut-shamed at school more difficult to get through than the surreal scenes of hacked up bodies or bloody showers in School. Real life horror always affects me a lot more than the supernatural, and Katzenjammer does an excellent job of balancing both. The ending is cathartic and effective, and there's less of a plot twist than a sort of inevitable, dawning horror-- which is honestly the best kind.
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. TURN BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
Remember how I said that real life horror is always worse than the supernatural or the uncanny? I stand by that statement. Zappia draws such excellent parallels to real life in her uncanny School that it's almost impossible not to realize before Cat does that the traumatic event that put them there was a school shooting. I've read a couple YA novels that handled the subject fine, but I don't think any of them capture it as well as this one. We need something like the supernatural School and the horror of bodies changing in ways we can't explain to fully grasp the senseless horror of gun violence. Killing children makes no more sense than hallways that breathe or girls who turn into their cat masks. It takes Cat the entire novel to understand the horror and absurdity of what's been done to her and to accept it-- that there are reasons but not excuses, and that we will never know all of them. I cried a little at the end, but I think the real life horror of it is too big for tears. Instead, it's a feeling that will sit with me long after I've turned the last page.
#book review#francesca zappia#katzenjammer#ya horror#underrated books#4/5#rating: 4/5#2023#ninja-muse
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Undead Unluck ep.3 thoughts
[I'm Going Through Changes...and So's This Anime]
(Contents: Ch.4-5 comparison, animation, voice acting)
Ginaaa!!! Or Gena, as they're going with for this version. I guess that's the official spelling now? I don't think Viz is changing theirs, but either way it's going to be annoying going forward needing to deal with multiple "canon" spellings
Anyway, Gina's introduction was really fun! Very full of energy, animation really helps bring her to life in a way that a manga panel just can't. That said, I don't think I really like that they showed her face when she was attacking from the satellite. When we first saw her in chapter 5, it took me a second to realize who she was, but after seeing her fully revealed like that, it's not too hard to connect that the girl in the first and second half of the episode are the same. I guess it's obvious anyway, but still, a little mystique is better than no mystique
There were lots of great bits sprinkled throughout the episode, with the animation and sound effects really adding a lot to the experience. Andy's 5-point landing being slowed down to a step-by-step process rather than happening all at once really drove home how unsettling what was happening was, and of course his Crimson Crescent Moon was sick as hell, I appreciated that it wasn't effectively just two frames (beginning and end with no movement in between). The arc of the swing wasn't what I imagined, I always figured that the draw -> swing -> resheathe was one fluid motion, but in practice they seem to have made it a real iaido technique, which is really cool
Gina summoning her beret had a nice bit of improvement in this verion, with it digitally apparating atop her head. In the manga it just showed up when she asked for it, and I thought maybe they like...I don't know, shot it down to her from space? This was a really cool touch that was completely unnecessary but added a lot of flavor to the scene, even if the mechanism doesn't have a clear explanation (she obviously didn't use the Union's usual warp method since the effect was digital and not cracks in the air, nor does it seem to line up with anything that I recognize from the manga in later chapters)
The highlight of the episode though had to be Gina's voice though. The shift from her bubbly persona to her getting serious was so god damn ominous, and coupled with her immediate display of power really reminded me that she's one of the Union's top members. I don't think it's ever established what her position is, but I'm decently confident that she's pretty high up, especially considering her tenure
If they made that one scene look so good, I'm super excited for next week's episode, they've really convinced me that they'll be able to do it justice! That said, they've been going at a pace of approximately two chapters per episode, and my estimate for next week's would take about three, so...I'm not sure if they're going to rush through it to match the pace I've suggested, or if they're going to stay at two chapters to really delve into it. I could go either way on it since this is going to be a very action-heavy segment, which means they could easily get through it relatively quickly
I've been thinking a lot lately that Gina's been rising the ranks of my favorite UU characters, and seeing her brought to life has definitely given her a boost. I haven't quite settled on her as my absolute fave yet, but damn if she isn't getting close
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Poland or lithuania for the songs ? (◍•ᴗ•◍)
Lucky for you, my Feliks and Tolys playlists are literally some of my favorites
We'll do Feliks first:
1. Out Of The Black | Royal Blood
My favorite thing with my Poland playlist is mixing edgier and harder songs with pop songs. I don't really have more of an explanation for this one, other than it's a song I really like, and I vibe with it for Feliks! "You made a fool out of me and took the skin off my back running / So don't breathe when I talk 'cause you haven't been spoken to / I've got a gun for a mouth and a bullet with your name on it."
Honestly, I think Feliks is capable of being absolutely terrifying and I wouldn't want to get on his bad side. He'd be able to put me in my place and I'd have no way of countering whatever he says.
2. Am I A Girl? | Poppy
Feliks is rather confident in who he is, but this song still makes me think of him. "Please don't complicate me / I don't understand / Sometimes I'm feminine / Sometimes I'm masculine" and "What does that even mean? / I'm somewhere in between"
3. I Am The Fire | Halestorm
I also associate this song with Hungary, but I also really like it for Poland. Powerful and confident Feliks... "I am the one / I've been waiting for / Screaming like a siren / Alive, and burning brighter / I am the fire"
Tolys:
1. still feel. | half•alive
This is the very first song on my Lithuania playlist. I think Tolys is a pessimist and struggles with the woes of the day to day, but I love to think that he still has hope. He has things to ground him. It's not easy, but he does it.
Also this song is super snazzy and I can't describe it, but it gives me an out of body feeling that really makes me want to draw. Vibrating like a sack of bees.
Anyway, despite it all, he's here. He's still alive. And sometimes, that's all you can ask for.
2. Alchemist | Good Kid
Similar feelings about this song to the one above. Supposedly this song???? Is about Full Metal Alchemist?
3. Drive | Incubus
Realizing now that a lot of my Tolys songs have to do with finding hope in uncertainty??? Not that I'm complaining -- It's how I connect to him and what drove a lot of his playlist
"But lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel" and "Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there / With open arms and open eyes"
BONUS ROUND!!! LIETPOL SONGS (because both playlists have a handful of songs that describe their relationship to me). No explanations, just rapid fire:
1. Diet Soda Society | The Maine
2. Be My Escape | Relient K
3. Not Gonna Die | Skillet
4. Garden | Meet Me @ The Altar
Give Me Hetalia Characters, I Give You Songs
#vibrating i'm serious my pol and liet playlists are my favorites#hetalia#hws poland#hws lithuania#lietpol#floralcrematorium music#floralcrematorium ask box
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Got any Julie headcanons to spare? From general stuff (like appearance) to more... Specific stuff (like gender identity and voice). I would love to read them mun. Plus your art is wonderful and very cute to look at (I truly mean that)
(I have quite a few Julie headcanons! As the universe of DBD is functionally a multiverse where characters can have small differences between iterations of themselves it's fun to play with those kinds of alternatives and differences.
For my Julie's appearance I draw heavily on greasy 90s aesthetics and in particular Billy Loomis - the Legion is at its core a Scream reference and I personally thought making Frank "the Billy" is a little too obvious, too easy. That's why you'll see I often draw her with short greasy brown hair lol.
Gender-wise the version of her seen on this blog is a trans woman (and Frank in parallel as a trans man). I think a lot of the "horror" in suburban horror comes from feelings of isolation or even persecution in your community and as a trans person who was once an edgy and angry teenager I think it's fun to explore the Legion from that angle.
I'd never really thought about her voice! I think the female Legion voice in the game sounds a lot more like Susie to me than Julie, though. For me I'd really look to female vocalists from the 90s like Courtney Love or Donita Sparks.
I do imagine Julie's parents would be relatively supportive if ignorant (since it Was the 90s) and that acceptance would be a bright spot in an otherwise very distant relationship. Julie hides a lot of herself from her parents, as seen in the comics, trying hard to make them think she's just a normal girl. But smothering those parts of herself is obviously very painful and isolating for her too.
I think Julie projects a strong air of confidence but actually has a lot of negative views of herself. Not in being traditionally self-hating but I think in a truly teenage way she thinks there's something wrong with her, that she's evil by nature. Obviously she's just a troubled kid who needed her emotional needs acknowledged instead of being ignored, but that's something she was never mature enough to realize (and never will be, now! It's very sad).
At the time of being in the Entity I think she strongly believes that without her push and her influence, the other members of Legion probably never would've killed anybody, but that she was always going to end up here. It's kind of a moot point because she also realizes they were all too enmeshed and were never going to split up and she was always going to corrupt them (and I think this is an anxiety she shares with Frank, who probably sees himself as a violent rot that tainted all his friends).
Other smaller headcanons: I like to imagine that Julie has an older brother, but there's a large gap between them so he was already out of the house by the time she was in elementary school. He's a successful and well-adjusted man which just makes her feel more fucked by comparison.
Her family isn't rich or anything but is relatively well-off. She has a car (in some canons?) and unlike Joey didn't need to work to buy it for herself. She gets a reasonable allowance and is kinda the "friend who rents movies" and "the friend who buys dinner" when other people don't have the money to do it.
She likes gothic metal, favoring bands like Tiamat, Type O Negative, Lacuna Coil, etc.
Thank you for the compliment!! I appreciate that you like the blog. I should probably post more haha but I've been burnt out of late. Asks like this are very encouraging!)
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Am I too late to join in on matchups? If so please just ignore this ask and know that I'm sorry
I'd like a male ship please. I'm an autistic girl with adhd and a couple chronic illnesses like joint pain especially in my hands and dyspraxia so I'm super clumsy. I'm 4' 10" tall with long wavy auburn hair, glasses, pale skin that's covered in freckles and moles and a petite figure. I'm very friendly and bubbly but I can also be kinda asocial and don't actively seek out interaction much. I enjoy writing, drawing (recently I've been getting really into MS Paint art), video games, reading, hiking and researching things that interest me. I'm very intelligent and also witty, I'm actually pretty good at making people laugh! I work as a librarian and am hoping to become a linguist someday too. Thanks!
"Hey sweetie, here's my additions for my matchup description! Thanks so much for taking the time to do all these ships, you're a true saint. I hope these don't conflict with the draft you have set up already
🪆 I’m both very level-headed and very stubborn, and I can also be quite fierce and even argumentative but that’s fairly rare. I just don’t tend to back down easily, and I’m a very resilient person
🪆 I can be a bit of a homebody, especially since I’m disabled, and I get very attached to wherever I happen to be living. I like having a garden whenever possible too, even if it's an indoor one.
🪆 I’m very friendly and sweet, but I also like messing with people a little. This is especially fun because I have unusual interests like botanical poisons or the science of decomposition. I can tend to be pretty morbid without even realizing it. That being said, my friendly side is no facade and I genuinely love taking care of people.
🪆 I especially love cooking for people and trying to recipes for others
🪆 I enjoy working out but am still very skinny. It’s actually funny how my large arms contrast with my Disney Princess-esque waist
🪆 I like to take relationships very very slowly and develop a solid friendship before considering dating someone, so I really don't want someone who takes things too fast. I'm also not a fan of overly flirty people, even if they're completely loyal to me I just get turned off by over the top displays of affection.
🪆 I have legendary pain tolerance and tend to laugh off injuries more than anything
🪆 I’m addicted to buying new books, particularly on witchcraft and botany
🪆 I know a LOT about different types of spirits and deities, especially as a witch. I could go on and on about spirit lore for hours
Thanks, have a great day!"
Not too late at all! & I was really early on in it so this is fine! I can kind of work to combine them in fact 😁 They just take a long time lmao 😅 hope it’s ok I went LoTR because your man is…
Frodo!
You aren't used to being approached while you work; quite the contrary, in fact, many passersby almost seem to treat you like you don't exist at all when you appear in the peripheries of their vision hunched over your books and scrolls. Which, admittedly, is suitable to you as your work is quite consuming. Quenya translations do not come without focus, after all. So when a voice sounds at your back, your clumsy side emerges as you startle, almost overturning your ink pot before a small, pale hand darts out to catch and right it. “My apologies,” you hear from behind you, “I was just curious what form of Elvish that was.”
Turning around, you see a hobbit, dark-haired and blue-eyed and shyly smiling at you. He is clad in a white shirt and brown pants and something about the navy vest he wears gives him a studious air. You smile. “Quenya, very old. In fact this book,” you motion over the tome you’ve been comparing against the ancient scroll, “is a chronicle of the witches of old. Quick different from anything we see these days.” A mixture of teasing and apprehension crossed the hobbit’s visage. “And what are you doing with a book like that?” “Looking for a way to raise my undead army,” you tease back, leaning forward toward him in your chair. At that, both of you laugh and exchange introductions. His name is Frodo and it would seem his uncle is quite a student of languages as well, teaching Frodo newer, more practical forms of Elvish and studying some Khuzdul himself. In fact, he is only there outside the Shire to have an old book of his uncle’s appraised.
You can’t help the wave of distraction that overtakes you after you offer your own skills, though; adjusting your spectacles and pushing your chair back, you cannot resist asking Frodo about his Shire. He pulls back a chair of his own, taking up a spot at your side with a smile you can only describe as lovestruck. Stubborn as you can be, you give no fight to the derailment of your work as Frodo speaks of rolling green hills, warm hearths and sunny gardens and flowers hung upon fences. You understand his expression completely, a sigh escaping your own lips at his vividly gorgeous words. "We may know little of your witchcraft or translations in the Shire, but it's home. The greatest home I could ask for." He had you at sunny gardens. "I would love to see it," you reply, setting your quill down. "He isn't always fond of guests," Frodo chuckles, folding his arms on the table, "but I think someone with your knowledge and spirit would quite amuse him. Come and visit us. I will have Uncle Bilbo convinced by the time you get there." "Oh, he needs convincing, does he?" "Perhaps you could put a spell of some sort on him."
The older hobbit you quickly learn is Frodo’s uncle Bilbo still looks surprised by your presence at his nephew’s side, but he gets a glitter in his eyes you expect to be quite characteristic once you bring up your meeting with Frodo. You end up talking to Bilbo as much as his nephew at dinner, in fact, sharing many glances with the proudly smiling Frodo as you hear the most amazing tales of dwarf-song and dragon fire and even time spent alongside Lord Elrond himself in the great homely house. Bilbo chuckles at the way your eyes light up, your questions about the magic woven around Rivendell and how different it is from the small spells you’ve attempted. That certainly gets the old hobbit’s eyebrows shooting up! At the end of it, you agree with Frodo’s assessment of the Shire’s warm hearths and have continued invitations to see your friends.
And that is definitely how you see it for quite some time, after all you work with Bilbo as much as you run around the Shire woods with Frodo, dodging his cousins plucking up mushrooms and trading botany facts and tips with Samwise, Bag End’s gardener, while Frodo looks on with the smile you’ve grown to love. Suspicion that he is just teasing you rises one day when he looks at you fondly, half-asking, half making a statement to you. "You really have fallen for the Shire, haven't you?" Of course you have. The hobbits admire your strength, at least for the most part- those that poke at you about big folk disturbing the peace or the Bagginses stirring things up again risk your comebacks, after all, the bite of your wit tearing perfectly back against the bore of their lives and personalities. Every time you swivel from such interactions, there is Frodo and that fond smile that suddenly you aren't so sure how to respond to. You don't know what to do when he takes your hand to show you something or catches you when your feet slip out from under you, hands about your waist. You don't mind, especially given Frodo's knowledge that your hands get achy and cold and somehow his find them right as it sets in, and beside that he was nothing but a gentleman to you. That in and of itself seems to be the sudden source of your hysteria right up to the moment Frodo rises onto his tiptoes and presses his lips ever so gently to yours. He's told you again and again over your compared translation notes, over twisting little charms and flower crowns together, over even blood and bandages and your laughter over the way your dear hobbit frets while you feel next to nothing.
You are lucky in the gift of Frodo as you frequently tell him, as you make known when you take his arm on a hike and share in that fond smile he gives you. Frodo is a gentle soul, affectionate but not so overt in his advance as to deter you. To put it bluntly, Frodo is not a sexual person, so the nature of your relationship as it is and the love you share in your spent time are plenty to satisfy him. Forever you have someone to bring you tea and a kiss to the crown of your auburn head as you pore over documents, someone to bake for and an uncle who laughs heartily at every insistence of yours that he needs to take you to Rivendell to study their wards, throwing in the Lonely Mountain for good measure. Between the three of you, Bag End fills with books in no time, but you certainly cannot complain when some of them are quite ancient indeed, teasing challenges by your favorite hobbits, one of whom sees himself in you and the other who simply sees the beauty in you while you work. Even if sometimes you work a little too hard and he has to help you back into your now-shared hobbit hole to rest your back after a little too long sketching, weeding, and planting in the garden you are beautiful, shining with sweat and dabbed with proof of your connection to the earth. You certainly are the best thing Frodo has brought home on an errand.
Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @kilibaggins @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia @datglutengoblin @letmelickyoureyeballs | Reply/Ask/Message to join 🥰
#lord of the rings#lotr#lotr imagines#lotr x reader#lotr matchups#frodo#frodo x reader#frodo x female reader#female reader#ask#tolkien-fantasy#requested#matchup monday
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Asthma, Upgraded (2024), and the first TV joke that actually hurt my feelings
Now, I have, of course, heard offensive jokes before and many of them about groups I consider myself a part of. I have felt offended by them and hurt and betrayed, but never quite like this. Never in a way where the words truly sank into my soul like a stone.
I was laughing just a second ago and I am expected to keep laughing still, but suddenly I am the butt of the joke, suddenly I'm supposed to laugh at myself and my biggest insecurities and the whole scene doesn’t seem so funny anymore.
(A couch trying to motivate his kids football team) "Their best player has asthma. You lot are drawing to a team whose best player needs an inhaler just to get on the pitch."
Maybe there are worse jokes about disabilities and maybe I'm just oversensitive lately, but hearing this practically at the end of the movie took me out of it so fast.
Because I've been that kid. Since kindergarden all the way to highschool and during every single group sports activity. I've been the kid who couldn't keep up and didn't do much and still ended the game out of breath.
I've been the kid gasping for air at the end of a basketball game, wondering if I'm about to puke my lungs out and having to watch another girl get praised for being the only person on our team "who actually tried."
I am the kid who grew up into a person so tired of not being able to keep up. I gave up on most physical activities because I got tired of catching my breath and feeling like a failure.
My whole life, my mother was the only person urging me to not give up on exercise and because everyone else kept making a joke out of my hardships, I never listened to her.
I only recently realized that I actually like going on walks and running, and sure, maybe I can't sprint a hundred meters without losing my lungs, but for ten seconds, I can make myself move faster than 16km/h and they're the best ten seconds of my day.
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Also I realized I haven't made a proper post about Beetlejuice closing on Broadway. And it HAS been like-
*checks computer's calendar*
Almost four weeks since their last show in the Marquis (oh god already!?). So uh- let's do that. Never too late to be emotional amiright.
Long post ahead. Feel free to read if you're up to it. Just a bunch of rambling and venting about the show and more. ✨
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Let's start with the beginning.
I'm not gonna lie, the first time I ever heard one of the songs was from a Tiktok video. A cosplay video. With "The Whole Being Dead Thing P. 2" playing. I had no idea the song came from a musical at the time but I remember enjoying it a lot, to the point of leaving the video on loop simply to listen to the beginning bit of the song over and over again. I had no idea where to look for it and didn't try to look for it either so I kind of forgot about it eventually.
Then October 2020 came around the corner. Halloween was approaching. And Mads mentioned Beetlejuice the Musical to me. I was sort of drifting along different fandoms at the time while also trying to figure out myself and do as well as I could in school after the first lockdown... So uh- strange and unusual times indeed. 😭
I wasn't sure what I was getting into. But then I checked Shnikkles's animatic of "Invisible (Reprise) / Say My Name" on YouTube. (I always loved this artist for their work on Steven Universe so I was still following what they were doing on socials.)
And in THAT FUCKING MOMENT. That's when the brainrot began.
And also my embarrassing simping phase for Alex Brightman which turned out to be admiration for the guy... And a lot of gender envy. But but we ain't gonna be talking about that.
After that moment, I started listening to the whole cast recording. FINALLY recognizing the song I had heard months ago on that freaking cosplay video. And then I started drawing the man. After Halloween, both me and Mads made BJsonas based on our Beetlejuice costumes... Which turned out to become, with time and a lot of character and design changes, the Veda and Zeta you know and (hopefully) love.
Then I suggested both girls meeting Beej. Which then turned into an AU. Which then became the Sequel Musical project/concept and which inspired the human AU.
The human AU (later renamed the Feral Fam AU, then the Lawrence AU in current days) was mostly made for comfort. We turned Beej into an anxious, grumpy, touch-starved cuddley guy with strong paternal instincts who was incredibly sweet and soft for the girls but who was in deep denial.
... Which... To be honest, is sorta still the case. 😭 But now the story is a lot more flushed out and has depth and work into it. And Mads and I both love how much the way we portray the guy has changed over the months. We love that he's more than what I described. That he's still a comfort character but he's also still Beej. He still has flaws and he's still an asshole but he's slowly developing into something more as the story keeps going.
(And we love character development in this household heheh >:D)
And thanks to that, Beej became a very important comfort character to me. Beetlejuice the Musical came at a time where things were getting confusing and rough. Where choices had to be made. Where changes were supposed to occur. Where something was ending and I had to move on to something else; in this case, moving on from high school and being a teen, and going to college and learning how to be an adult.
I still feel like a teen. I'm not that good at adulting. But I've matured. I've went through shit, shit that's affected me deeply. But despite everything, I'm still here. And that musical was there every step of the way. The story, the characters, the cast... They unconsciously played a big part in my life and I'll never be too thankful.
I've got to meet new people, try different things, discover new incredible artists that I still follow and admire to this day, some that I can proudly call my friends. It helped me get closer to my partner and finally start dating her (almost 2 years and still going babeyyy).
I've got to be part of an incredible, deeply loving community and I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. I like to think the Beetlejuice fandom feels like another home now. I'm not well known within this fandom. Or atleast I don't think I am. I tend to draw more of the human guy than the bug beverage man himself which isn't something everyone is interested in. But still. I feel at peace here.
And I'm so so grateful I got to discover this musical. So so grateful I got to get close to so many people. So so grateful I got to experience the show before it closed. I am absolutely aware of how lucky I was to get to see it not once, but twice in a row. And the LAST DAMN SHOW.
It was a dream come true. It was the momentum I needed before the Broadway run ended. The ending I needed. I'm still sad it closed, I'll always miss the cast and crew videos of Alex and Elizabeth's bows, Kerry's lipbalm taste testing, backstage videos of the actors just being complete dumbasses and having so much fun...
I'll just miss the Broadway cast and crew so much. It doesn't feel the same without them, even with the Tour going on. It feels like a whole different show when it's the same story (with necessary changes), the same songs, the same characters... But the general vibe isn't the same.
I've been relistening to the cast recording a lot now. Appreciating every song instead of just a few ones. Delia quickly became one of my favorite after seeing the last show (If you know, you know. Leslie fucking KILLED it that night). If anything, every character became my favorite. I started loving them all a lot more than before. Understanding them more than ever. Even Beetlejuice himself, although he's the character I've focused on the most for the past two years. I finally feel like I now have a good grasp on his character, something I've always had trouble with for a long time.
So uh... Boy. This is getting long. Long story short... Thank you. Thank you Beetlejuice the Musical. Thank you to the cast, thank you to the crew. Thank you to the wonderful people I got to meet. Thank you to the friends I got to make. Thank you to my dearest partner. This musical has a very special place in my heart now thanks to all of you.
Hey guys? Love you guys. 💚🖤💚🖤💚
As for BJ content? Well... You can bet your asses I ain't fucking done drawing this man. He's gonna be sticking around for a veeeery long time.
#ramble#vent#goodbye beetlejuice on broadway#beetlejuice the musical#beetlejuice#bjtmtmtm#beetlejuice broadway#my art#doodle#OH GOD THAT WAS LONG#I'm not good at emotional but I hope this is good enough#I haven't cried as much as I thought I would#But I very much miss the Broadway run so so much#I still have a hard time realizing it's gone now
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