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wutheringmights · 2 months

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I finished rereading The Song of the Lioness quartet by Tamora Pierce a couple of days back. I already talked about the first book in a post that garnered more attention than it deserved. I guess we were all happily reminiscing about the menstruation scenes together, or Tortall fans are so starved for content they (we) will reblog anything.(Understandable. I too am starved for a thriving Tortall fandom.)

I'm too lazy to make separate posts about each book, so we're just going to do a mega post covering the second, third, and fourth book.

Unlike last time, I will be giving a little criticism to this series. I still love it endlessly, but there were a few things about the prose I thought was interesting that I want to talk about a bit.

So, without further ado~

In the Hand of the Goddess

I think this one is my favorite one, despite how rushed the plot it. It contains all of my favorite plot points, like awkward romances with George and Jon, attending knight lessons, and a little summer war. Fun stuff.

But it definitely feels rushed. I really wish someone told Pierce to make this a 12 book series, expanding on Alanna's years at the castle. It would have gone so far to better develop the romances and the friendships in these books.

I am fascinated by what Pierce chose to skim over. Characters would die or kiss for the first time off screen, with the prose resuming with Alanna reacting to it. It demonstrates an understanding of character work that I personally adore and try to emulate in my own writing-- the real bones of a story being in how characters respond to fantastic events as opposed to the fantastic events themselves.

Also, the whole veil spell Roger cast in objectively stupid, and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible. You're telling me that Roger used magic to make Alanna lose interest in doing anything about the obviously evil things he was doing? That's fucking hilarious. You know an editor came back to Pierce and asked her to come up with a reason why Alanna wasn't just going to spring into action at the first sign of Roger trying to kill her, only for Pierce to come up with this. It's so silly. I love it.

Woman Who Rides Like A Man

Did this book age poorly? Yes, but not as badly as I remembered. That's not a stirring defense, and it's really not meant to be.

The Bahzir are a mess of Orientalism, and Pierce definitely deserves criticism for not only the way she wrote them but for the ways in which she frames their cultural practices as something that needs to be fixed. Having Alanna want to force them to change their culture to suit her beliefs is not a great look for both the character and the writer. And that's not even getting into the whole assimilation plotline.

But I did enjoy Pierce's attempts to expand on the definition of womanhood, especially as a part of Alanna learning to embrace femininity. There is this running thread in these last two books of Alanna learning about all the different ways to be a woman and choosing for herself what her gender means to her. It's not done particularly well, and anyone looking for a revolutionary examination of gender roles and identity is going to be sorely disappointed. But there's an attempt here that I can't help but appreciate.

This book is also where Pierce starts to slow the plot down, which lends it to having the most reasonable pacing out of the bunch. That being said, it's also the book where the lack of development for a bunch of the side characters start to hurt. I really wish Gary or Raoul joined Alanna in the desert. Raoul gets his moment in the sun with the Protector of the Small books, but Gary remains largely forgettable. In fact, I spent this entire read-through convinced this man dies at the end of the last book, if only because I can't remember where he appears in any of the other books.

Lioness Rampant

This book somehow has the improved pacing of the third book while still feeling rushed. The quest for the Dominion Jewel really should have been it's own book, if only to give Thayet and Buri more room for development. Thayet in particular really needs her moment to shine, especially when she continues to be an important character in the other series.

But do you know who did get a lot of screen time? Liam.

Remembered shit about this guy before going into this book. I could only vaguely recalled disliking him as a kid, but not as much as I venomously hated Jon. (Speaking of which-- I love the way this man is realistically shitty. Him getting dumped by Alanna is always my favorite scene.) But Liam? Fuck that guy. Holy shit. I give full applause to Pierce for portraying the important milestones every girl goes through growing up, which includes having a situationship that is so shitty that it becomes essential character development.

Roger's return feels very... cheesy? I think Alex should have stepped up to be the final villain on the story. Unlike Roger, Alex was Alanna's friend. They have history. The betrayal would have imbued that final fight with so many more emotions than it ultimately had. I also would have liked Alanna to have at least meaningfully talked to Alex sometime before the climax.

Honestly, it's impressive how reactive Alanna is as a character in the last half of the book. She doesn't seek out how to stop Roger's plan, or fix Thom, or anything. Other characters make plans and she just... waits for something to go wrong.

That being said, by virtue of Alanna's relationships with George, Liam, and Jon all happening sometime in this plot, this book becomes a good place to look to get the full berth of how Pierce handles romances. Which, I love her approach. The romances are never over the top or, for lack of a better word, too romantic. It's very down to earth, with characters dating, marrying, or breaking up for realistic reasons.

Jon and Alanna were friends who broke up because they had different life plans. Liam and Alanna broke up for having fundamentally different values. As much as I bitch about how shitty Jon and Liam are, they're not cartoonishly evil. They're just a little shitty the way most of your exes will be. Jon and Liam are men could find love with someone else. They just aren't suited for Alanna.

Meanwhile, the most romantic things George does are wait for her and be supportive. He doesn't fight or get territorial. He makes his feelings clear, then waits for Alanna's cues. Alanna definitely loves him, but she ends up with him in the end because their lifestyles and core beliefs meld together. There's no grand romantic gesture or whirlwind affairs. They are just a good pair.

I have read stories with far heavier focuses on romance, and none of those couples feel as perfect as Alanna and George. Those stories prioritize all the gooey moments over showing why the main couple should get together. For how little romantic interactions they have, you believe these two could have a successful marriage. Perfect stuff.

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Over all, I really enjoyed rereading these books. For all my griping, I still love the story. I love Alanna. She's a character who is fundamental to my soul. No matter where I am in life, I will always want to open these books and find her again, to walk back into Tortall and join her on her quest to be a lady knight.

My copies of the series come with forewards from a previous edition. In one of them, Pierce wrote that this series started off as an adult fantasy story that was much darker and edgier. I need to know what that story looks like, what happened in it. Pierce can claim as she wants that she hardly remembers what it looks like, but I refuse to believe that. Release the unedited first draft, Pierce. I am begging you.

#it probably has on screen gay sex for thom and roger #anyway that's the alanna series. the library book i ordered is still not here yet so now I'm off to find another short-ish book to read #this book better come in before june or else i will lose it. i am putting off reading the illiad for this #me rambling #bookish #books and reading #books #bookblr #tortall #song of the lioness #tamora pierce #me reading

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wangxianficfinder · 4 months

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Fic Finder

Feb 1st

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1. Hey! Thank you so much for your hardwork!

So I've been looking for this fic for days now, I just cant find it. I can't remember if Wwx is the omega but its an abo fic where wwx had 4 children i think. And he thinks theyre all dead but theyre not. He definitely had 2 daughters? Or was it one? But basically there was this scene where they all reunited in the jingshi and they were crying.

Can somebody help me find this fic please? THANK YOU :") @losing-victor

FOUND! I think the fic for #1 of the most recent Fic Finder, where WWX has kids and they reunite in the Jingshi, may be Like The Butterfly by Setari (T, 18k, wangxian, WIP, Fix-It, Not Everyone Dies AU, Next Generation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Unresolved Emotional Tension) on AO3. It’s part of a series ‘The Wei Family’, with three stories total.

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2. Hello all! I am looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian is blind and the Jiang he grew up with know but the Lans don’t know until the lectures when Lan Qiren yells at Wuxian for taking sloppy notes and he is like “I can’t see, how can I tell if my writing is sloppy?” It is not “Close Your Eyes, Feel My Heartbeat” by ThatDesiGirl, I just reread it to check. Any guesses? Thank you!

FOUND? The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707 (M, 113k, WIP, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Time Travel, Attempt at Humor, PTSD, Oblivious WWX, WWX-centric, Blind WWX, Sentient Burial Mounds, Self-Indulgent, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Oblivious Pining, Not Canon Compliant)

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3. Hi; for fic finder, could you help me find shapeshifter!WWX fic? Its an old fic. Its a series too i think (3 fic with the first in the series completed and the second part is WIP). I think its tiger WWX (not sure). After WC throws WWX to burial mound, WWX shift to tiger. He cant shift back to human. He hunts the wen in tiger form. He help NHS when he is in the river. NHS was attacked by the wen (either wen or a yao). They then goes to Qinghe. In Qinghe, JWY and LWJ bring back WC to Qinghe to interrogate him. But WWX sees WC and bite him to death. I think WWX is the one who killed WRH too. He bit WRH to death i think

In the second part of the series, after war it was found out that WWX is shapeshifter and many wants to kill (?) Him. The last time i read this, it still only has 1 or 2 chapter.

That all i can remember. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

FOUND! The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted family, Yungmeng Siblings, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs)

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4. i read this a while back but can't remember the name of it, if anyone can find it or knows the name please let me know .

Nie huaisang, lan zhan, Jiang chang active a time travel array. Huaisang and land zhan did NOT know JC altered the array to erase WY. LZ eventually forces JC to fix it and bring WY back.

When JC altered the array to bring WY back he messed up somewhat and the price was his own core disapp //

I read a FF a while back and cannot remember the name of it, if someone could help me out, I would LOVE to reread it.

Years after Wei WuXian died, Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang want to travel back in time to save Wei Ying and Nei Mingjue. NHS and LWJ finds an array but realize they cannot activate it without Jiang Cheng's help.

However they didn't realize that JC changed the array until they were back in Cloud Recess lecture. LWJ punches JC and

JC had erased WWX from existence. Eventually LWJ made JC fix it and bring back WWX.

After WWX is brought back he reveals the gold core transfer along with other secrets.

However when JC redid the array and brought WWX back is made his own core slowly disintegrate.

They do save the Wen Remnants and and Wen Qing actually helps LWJ finish destroying JCs core when he is challenged to a dual.

@prissyp2014

FOUND? The Way It Wasn’t by KouriArashi (T, 72k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, (eventually haha), Slow Build, Family Feels, Moral Ambiguity, Eventual Happy Ending)

FOUND? Not This Time by Marinelifeclub (M, 93k, WangXian, SangNing, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Angst Dark LWJ, Protective LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Resentful WWX, Established Relationship, POV Alternating, Sunshot Campaign, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Minor XuanLi, not for jc fans, eventual 3zun, Kid Fic)

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5. Hello! For the fic finder/s, thank you in advance. ♡

For days I've been trying to find this fic. I'm not sure with the details like if wei wuxian is a farmer here or older (i think he is a farmer though) but what I remember is lan wangji making advances to wei wuxian while sleeping (wei wuxian here is known as a heavy sleeper ) but at some point wei wuxian got awake during those and from then on anticipate what lan wangji gonna do, so he knows what lan wangji is doing and there's a number of that that happens. Also, lan wangji is running out of time because he was about to go to the main central or the palace to take an imperial exam (? I'm not sure if that's the term) anyway, he was going with lan sizhui to take that exam. I'm not sure if he goes on the day of the exam but I vaguely remember that he confess his feelings to wei wuxian before or on that day. Then they did the everyday. ヾ(＠゜▽゜＠）ノ

FOUND? #5 is "like the waves return to the shore, again and again" but it's been deleted. There's a link to a cache on the @wangxianficrecs blog around Jan 20, maybe Mod Kay can help?

Regarding #5, I have that story saved. So, if anyone wants to read it, send an ask for WangxianFicRecs or a message to @the-last-d-boy with your mail adress and I'll send it to you. ~Mod Kay

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6. Hi! I've been trying to find a fic (I believe it's a time travel au where Lwj and Jc, or just Jc I'm not sure, travel back in time), but the only scene I remember is a scene where Jc for some reason gets mad with Wwx during the Sunshot Campaign after finding Wwx in the woods around the war camp (I don't remember what Wwx was doing). Jc hits Wwx with zidian and Wwx is sent flying into a tree. Jc gets scared after Wwx doesn't get up and goes see if Wwx is ok, only to find out Wwx's heart is no longer beating. Lwj (I don't remember if he arrived after Jc hit Wwx or if he was already in the woods with Wwx), then, manages to make Wwx's heart beat again by performing CPR on him.

can't find the fic, but I remember it. Maybe these details will help. Lan Wangji found out about WWX not having a core after he gets back from being missing (I think by grabbing his wrist maybe?), but Jiang Cheng doesn't know. He didn't expect that hitting WWX with Zidian would be much of a problem for him and he's totally freaked out when WWX collapses and LWJ starts doing CPR which is what you'd do for a non-cultivator

FOUND? these colours fade for you only by doodlebutt (T, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everybody Lives, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, ...eventually, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Sunshot Campaign) it isn’t a time travel fic, but it has the scene where jc hits wwx with zidian

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7. Completely unrelated to my last ask, I’m looking for a Dragonji fic where his hoard is bunnies. Lan Xichen tries to talk to him in the bunny field but he’s just chilling in his dragon form with the bunnies finding him Good. Lan Xichen flies to the Burial Mounds for desperate negotiations with Wei Wuxian. Eventually Wei Wuxian mentions that Lan Wangji didn’t have any bunnies until WW gave him some. LX has some realizations from that. @any-mouse

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8. hii!! i was searching for a fic where lwj finds wwx's corpse at the BM and things happen. i don't know much but it was cracky. i hope you can find it!! thanks already :D @for13years-i-play-inquiry-foryou

FOUND? (we make) a good pair by gamayuglagay (gracon_bacon) (E, 1k, WangXian, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Necrophilia, Foot Fetish, Vajankle, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Crack Taken Seriously) Warning: NECROPHILIA

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9. I read this time travel fic a while ago which I can't find!

I vaguely remember a lot of dimension travel and a-yuan js sort of helping wei wuxian doing the said travel and a-qing is also there. in one part they reach the past but like not really cultivation world (not sure on that) and meet lan xichen, there's also lwj and wwx of that world who help them get back, there's an spaceship and stuff and I think wen qing was also there maybe?

i just realized that the request i sent was way too vague and so is the summary of the fic, which I was misled while looking for it. also if u could add this to the ficfinder post, to explain why this is the fic I was looking for, it is very confusing I'm sorry!!

apparently it wasnt a-yuan who was helping wwx, but rather an original character and its more parallel universes than time travel!! its abeautiful fic!!

FOUND! counterpart by queensmooting (E, 37k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Parallel Universes, Multiple Selves, Kid Fic, some child endangerment (everyone will be fine), lwj can and has gotten pregnant, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, bittersweet ending (ymmv))

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10. hello! i'm looking for a fic where wwx and lwj have a biological child (i'm not sure if it's a-yuan). i think this fic has an omegaverse setting? lwj doesn't know about the child until a bit later on and even then he's unsure bc when he sees the child and asks wwx, wwx tells him to ask again the next time they meet (or he'll tell him more? i'm not sure). but they don't meet again bc wwx dies at qiongqi path on the way to jl's 1 month celebration via a bunch of arrows courtesy of jin zixun and co. he brought along wn and his child, but wn brings the child to cloud recesses secretly, so jzx doesn't die due to wn. i remember there was a scene where they brought wwx's body to jinlin tai and stripped him naked to scan for the hundred holes curse scars, and jins were creepy about it. lwj was dissociating in this scene and he's sorely disappointed in his brother for not helping stop them. please help, i've been thinking abt this fic for days now 😭 @aracchiii

FOUND! 🧡 Born to Blossom, Bloom to Perish by LadyMithiel (M, 113k, WIP, WangXian, A/B/O, Mpreg, Angst, Mostly Canon compliant)

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11. Hi!!! I'm trying to find a fic (it's an one-shot, if I remember correctly) that happens during the Sunshot Campaign. One of the soldiers sees Jc and Wwx fighting, and they see Wwx flinching, and trying to back away. This soldier (I think they either were sexuality assaulted or knew someone who was sexuality assaulted and reacted like this towards the abuser, I don't remember which one it is now), and they find Wwx's reactions to Jc way too similar to the reactions of someone towards their abuser and comments this with another soldiers. The "Wwx reacts towards sect leader Jiang like someone who was sexuality assaulted does" comment spreads around, and soon becomes rumors that Jc did rape Wwx. Wwx is confused by how suddenly everyone is sympathetic towards him, treat him with care and don't let him alone with Jc. One of the last scenes is Jc mad because Wwx "tarnished his reputation", Wwx not understanding shit of what's going on and Jc getting real scarry. They were in a secluded place, I think. Lwj is walking about and sees Wwx backed away on a tree while Jc is looking really agressive, Wwx looking scared, and he (who has heard of the rumors), goes like "nope, he's not about to take Wy against his will again. Not on my watch" and totally trashes Jc (I don't remember if only verbally or also physically).

FOUND? might be chapter 15 of Vrishchika's short prompts?

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12. heyyy, I read the summary of this fic some time ago and I can't find it anymore.

I think it was a modern au in which wwx dies and lwj is looking for him. might be modern with cultivation or maybe wwx just disappeared and everyone thinks he's died. I dont really remember a lot, help me out.

I'm pretty sure he dies though.

FOUND? when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations)

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13. I'm looking for a fanfic where wwx gave his golden core to jc but then developed a black one, and if he uses too much demonic cultivation he can die or something like that. also I don't remember if it's from the same fic or not but I think the annoying cousin of Jin z dies from a curse

FOUND? 🧡 a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 180k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, arranged marriage)

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14. hello! how are you doing?

i once read a ff in which WWX is rescued/saved/something like that by the Lan Clan i think in the middle of war or something but WWX helps Lan Clan to tackle the problem of crops with his yin energy talisman/array. i hope you will be able to find it (i know its not enough information 😭) @let-it-be-rainbow

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15. hello im looking for a fic where wen ning shoots an arrow at wrh and it hits him in the eye. i think it's a time travel fic but im not sure. also wn asks wq like uncle isn't a good person, is he. i appreciate the assistance

hello im anon on the latest ff #15. sorry, but it's not the fic i was looking for. i remember it being multiple chapters, also the sunshot campaign did happen. the part where wen ning shot wrh was during the final battle of ssc and he was at a high vantage point with wq away from the fighting

NOT FOUND! 💖 Where The Arrow Points by Nillegible (G, 4k, WN & WQ, WN & WWX, WWX & JC, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, No Sunshot Campaign, Because Um. Wen Ning murders Wen Ruohan, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, really)

SIMILAR The Ghost General by English is my death (Lena013) (T, 5k, WN & WWX, WN & WQ, WN centric, BAMF WN, Time Travel Fix-It, what's a conference without someone killing their uncle?WN murders WRH, WN Lives, Ghost General WN, WN looks into his uncle's eyes before killing him, Fierce Corpse WN, Canon Divergence) Actually, I just read the italicised part of the ask for 15, so my suggestion is definitely not it. But it did have time travel WN killing WRH with an arrow!

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16. Hi I’m looking for a specific fic that I thought I had saved, but alas😑

It’s a ‘watching the memories’ type of fic. With protective Jiang Cheng, Lan Xichen, Lan Zhan and juniors.

Anyway I don’t remember much but what I do remember is that the story is set after guanyin temple and that they watched a memory of wwx going about his birthday alone. Qiren and many others were assholes to wwx who just wanted to spend the day with his husband and son, but was constantly denied and berated.

This in turn lead to JG, LZ and LXC I think being angry and protective on his behalf.

That’s all and thank you for the endless effort you all put into finding all these fic’s. @ravenwithwings

FOUND! Music Heals All Forms Of Misery by idontknowwhatimdoinghalfthetime (T, 63k, WIP, WangXian, Fix-It of Sorts, Songfic, Past Character Death, Heavy Angst, Self-Esteem Issues)

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17. Hi hi! Im looking for an Ao3 fic where WQ and WY go to cloud recessess because theyve negotiated protection for the wen remnants with the Lan Clan. The condition is that WY must be purged of all resentful energy, which he and WQ think will kill him, and they believe the Lan clan knows it. Theres a scene where during the purge Lan Zhan realizies whats happening and asks Wei Ying why he would think the Lan wanted to kill/harm him. Pretty sure its a happy ending, or at least hopeful!

Thanks so much, hope youre all well! @la-voce-to-me

FOUND! decay by antebunny (G, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, the fluffiest ending, Hurt/Comfort)

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18. Hi, I am looking for a Wangxian fic that has a lot of twin jade feels I think its starts after the burning of Recesses where both jades are captured by WX and a lot of bad things happen to LWJ after which he ends up forced to work in a brothel where he meets WWX who came to rescue JWY and maybe JZX from the indoctrination and I also remember that LXC was allowed to visit Lan Zhan but only when he was drugged to sleep and that WX knew that the jades kept in line only cause of the other. It probably followed canon divergence and it was a complete fanfic. the story is pretty hazy in my head so I am hoping someone remembers it. thank you.

FOUND! Alter by Solmae (E, 162k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Drama & Romance, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Rape/Non-con Elements, Gang Rape, Forced Prostitution, PTSD, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Explicit Sexual Content, Sexual Slavery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture)

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19. I remember reading a fic where Wei Wuxian was taken as a prisoner, I think maybe by the Nie, and everyone expected him to practice Inedia while kept captive just for him to become extremely ill from lack of food, revealing his lack of golden core. Everyone freaks out a bit

FOUND? ❤️ whipstitch by curiositykilled (M, 131k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dysfunctional Family, Torture, WWX Lives, but basically no one else, Case Fic, Cultivation Sect Politics, Past Abuse, WWX Whump, YL WWX, JL Needs a Hug, JL Tries, Yunmeng Bro Reconciliation, Past Character Death, Body Horror, Non-Consensual Body Modification, POV Alternating, Flashbacks, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Suicide Attempt, PTSD, Depression, Not A Fix-It, Mouth Sewn Shut)

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20. Hi👋🏽

I love looking through your fic-finder posts and discovering ‘new’ fics to read !

I’m trying to find a fic taking place after the SunShot Campaign, where WWX takes the role of a Jiang Elder instead of Head Disciple. I’ve tried looking for it by AO3’s filter but was only able to find a similar fic series - Rest of Resolution by MarbleGlove.

Details: WWX somehow fools the JGS into thinking WWX is older than he actually is (Lan Qiren is in on the joke too). @animewatching

FOUND? Like a Water-Worn Stone by meyari (T, 41k, wangxian, major character death, Hurt/Comfort, very little hurt, lots of comfort, Chronic Illness, Serious Injuries, Self-Medication, Disability, PTSD, Depression, Self-Worth Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aftermath of war, Aftermath of Violence, Prisoner of War, Identity Issues, Warning: Jīn Guāngshàn, enslavement (discussion of), abuse (discussion of), actually very fluffy despite the warnings)

FOUND? Elder, an Aesthetic by MarbleGlove (G, 8k, JC & WWX, Fix-It, Post-Sunshot Campaign)

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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kyupidos · 3 months

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02/18/24’s delivery 🏹✉️ twisted wonderland

paper cranes and origami heartsヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ,ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ ;; summary. ‘your means of communication is now through two things—letters hidden within pages, and leftover snacks.’

part one. tit. dear messenger

characters. diasomnia : sebek zigvolt ;; romantic . 🖇️ tags. reader is gender neutral ( you/your ), reader is yuu, pre-relationship ( gettin there..? ), romantic fluff

📡 _a/n. chat am i cooked if i continually forget to write for the fic series that are piling up.. ( to the person who asked for a prt two..sorry it took literal months heueh )

— you began to visit the library even more often than you thought possible since then, with books by your side, and though you’d reread them all practically a hundred times now, it was always like a breath of fresh air. after all, though you hadn’t a clue who they were, and they certainly weren’t by your side at the moment, you had someone to talk to—a pen pal, if you will. a sincerely sweet one, at that.

— in your signature penned handwriting, your hand moved in sync with the way your leg bounced lightly in subtle excitement to be able to send another reply. some time had passed—you’d like to say some weeks, though, considering yet another overblot had occurred, and winter break was freshly over. you never do seem to get a break, do you? but at least, you have good friends to get you through it, for instance, the pen pal you’re trying to write a response to at this very moment. you tapped your cheek with your pen, trying to come up with a satisfying response though you know for a fact your pen pal doesn’t expect shakespearean from you.

— ‘that’s a nice way to interpret it, right? not like a tragic ending, rather..an open one? leaving it up to the imagination may be frustrating, but the imagination’s also where the magic happens.’

— recently, your conversations had been feeling more..organic, if you had to describe it. almost as if, despite the fact you didn’t know each other’s appearances, voices, and you weren’t by each other at all, you knew each other as good friends all the same and were having a conversation right then and there, albeit through writing. it felt nice actually; a score considering this all started because silly you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to a therapist or something and write letters inside books instead, but it’s a pretty good coping mechanism if you had to say, so you’re pretty sure you’re good..

— bringing you back to reality though, the way you unconsciously let your hand drift to bring a baked treat to your mouth to chew on. some moments ago, trey came over to deliver some leftover goods, figuring you’d appreciate it—and obviously you did, but it sure was a struggle to get it out of grim’s paws. you had to promise him premium tuna for that one ( you can only imagine the fly that’ll escape from your wallet, singing about how poor you are ). you had your own little spot in the library of course, hidden by the bookshelves. you prided yourself on your cleanliness, so you swore up and down to the library ghost staff you wouldn’t make a mess; though they reassured you they wouldn’t mind anyway.

— you were well aware of how good trey’s baking was, but you were constantly rereminded of the fact with every bite you take. not like you were complaining, the snacks were heavenly, you’d have to thank him again later. just about then you were once again settling in, ready to continue reading since you’d finished with your response already, simple despite how much time you’d spent on thinking it up.

— but then disaster struck.

— “hey, henchhuman!! tell ace i’m not gonna fail the stupid exam, would you?! he keeps getting on my hide!” grim complained, leaving you with an exasperated look as you watched ace quickly jump out of his chair from the corner of your eye, grabbing onto the chair to shake it a little making his point even more clear that it was true, considering the fact that grim was right about to fall asleep before he pointed it out; grim of course arguing that he wasn’t. honestly you felt a bit bad you didn’t even realize they were also in the library but to be fair, they probably didn’t even realize either until grim noticed you from the corner of his eye.

— with an amused snort that thankfully wasn’t loud enough to be heard, you just pet grim’s head ( who seemed to be pleased before realizing it was visible, so he pouted and lightly slapped your hand away with his paw ), guiding your way over to their table with grim following suit, holding onto ace’s chair with him sat again, looking at his, grim, and deuce’s study guides. a mere squint and a head tilt told them the teasing mood you were in, “you sure you didn’t sign a contract with azul for this?” that little quip eventually turned into fun banter, the four of you eventually getting lost in conversation over your studies, until it got late—and before you could get to scolding, deuce mentioned the need to return to your respective dorms, ace joking about how you tended to act like riddle when during late hours like this ( which you quickly tapped at his forehead with your knuckles for ).

— though your book was left open at your table, the plate of baked goods beside it as well.

— safe to say, you were very much a wreck when you came to that realization literally the morning after. well, it was a sunday so at least you didn’t have to worry about getting through school first, but you’ve still got your point! once your outside shoes were on, you sped walk over to the library, tripping a little as you greeted the library ghost staff in apology over the mishap, though you knew it wasn’t a big deal to them. when you returned to the scene of the crime though, the book was closed, though bookmarked, and while the plate was still there, you’d think it was licked clean, though the crumbs prove otherwise.

— and when you opened the book up to the bookmarked page, it became clear why— a more domestic scene in the book, where the characters are described to be baking together and feeding each other cookies. you remember finding it cute, though your pen pal didn’t really see why you were hyping it up, in his own way of talking that was; you don’t think he’d ever use that sort of lingo ( or rather ever write it ). right by his old commentary making that exact note, in newer writing, and you could tell by the way the strokes were more crisp and the distinct smell of the ink seemed more fresh.

— ‘i can see why you like this scene now.’

— really, even in one sentence the words charm you, and you feel like you can hear him saying them to you in the moment though you don’t even know what his voice sounds like. and you couldn’t help but smile, taking into mind that one sentence a little more.

— maybe you should bring snacks to the library more often; this time around specifically made by you.

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demonslayedher · 13 days

Text

Links, why started, and why abandoned:

Rengoku+Akaza Sitcom: It was very silly and rereading it still makes me laugh. I've had passing ideas here and there and have made two separate attempts to continue it, but I haven't captured the same flow. Kyojuro's efforts to get me fired as the lead writer and keep this sitcom canceled have so far panned out.

Low-Key Married AU: When I look at the notes sometimes I am like, "wow, this must be my most popular AU, but it is such a mess and I feel so bad for people trying to follow it." I got as far as The Nezuko Incident, but it was already super long, and rather than being engaging it felt more like it was just trying to give chronology to this AU. ZenNezu Angst (no link): I was in such an indulgent, angsty mood when I wrote it, and I wrote myself into an angsty hole. It was whump with an intended happy ending but by the time I went back to it I was not in as whumpy of a mood and I had forgotten how I was going to build up to the intended happy ending and found it meh. Also, I am embarrassed by how whumpy it is and even considered publishing under a different name.

Raw Sword Production: I want so badly for the fandom to appreciate the intricacies of Japanese sword production, which is why I put it into fiction format in the first place with Teppi being the vehicle through which readers can learn a complicated but fascinating process. I wound up learning a lot more since publishing that, and wanted to fix some details, as well as make it clearer with more illustrations, and add on the full process of smithing (instead of glossing over it in the conclusion and focusing most of the smelting). Got to about the point of polishing (one of the last steps), felt overwhelmed by the amount of illustration it would benefit from to be clear, and lost confidence feeling that even with all that effort, there probably would not be many people who read all the way to the end. Filler Arc w/ Character Beats: I still really like the ideas, have had ideas for how to expand it to a proper flow and make a solid story out of it, it had a very cute start, but I lost steam. I want Ufotable to make it instead and just let me direct. EDIT: So far it doesn't seem this one is going to win the poll, so I reread what 5577 words I had, and gosh dang it, it was cute. So I have posted it.

Again, zero promises of any of these projects getting more attention, even if they win the poll. But knowing what people would enjoy reading might provide more inspiration. EDIT: Guys, if you want "other," ya gotta tell me which one! Also, if you want more than one, feel free to say so too. Again, the point is to see if I can work up the inspiration to finish. If.

#this poll inspired by my efforts to try to sit down and work on original fiction again #only to feel terrified of it #and to have trouble finding the document with my notes on it but instead run into all these unfinished projects #my fics

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ofoceansandtombsanew · 2 months

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Can I ask, if you have top favorite romantic couples (can be canon or non canon) of all time from any media? Why love them? Thx :D

... now this, took a minute to answer in some ways. There a lot of ships I like, so this was really easy and hard to answer at the same time. Some ships it was an immediate yep yep and others I had to go '... but is it a fav of all time, though?" But I think I got it narrowed down.

So here we go, fav ships of all time from any media, no particular order. I didn't get any specific no. to do so I'll just list a handful until I can't think of any others. (Anyone who comes across this that sees a ship on here you don't like and feels the need to say something about it, stay in your lane this ain't about your opinions it's about mine.)

The main FMA ships

Arakawa Hiromu, nigga, you cooked. Imma just put the FMA ships as one and leave it there because if I do it separately, we'll be here all day. But if you wanna see me diving into why I like these ships in a manic ramble, here's a post I made on that here. The romance in FMA is literally a category and a discussion all on its own that I can go about on for hours. FMA has the best romances in shounen so anyone who has consumed FMA will know what I'm talking about. Like, whenever anyone tries to use a manga being 'shounen' to justify shitty romantic writing, I point at FMA's brilliant riding. An animanga's demographic is not an excuse for terrible executions in romance. EdWin, RoyAi, LingFan, AlMei and all the side ships drank and left no molecules.

NaruSaku

Toxic shippers, again, stay in your lane, I don't feel like dealing with y'all any day. I have been shipping this shit for years, always have, always will. Ignore the fact I ship Sakura with literally everyone from the Akatsuki to Hinata to Sai to Shikamaru. (Y'all I used to look up Kisame/Sakura fics, unironically TAT). (Same for Naruto honestly, I've shipped him with Sasuke, Ino, Temari, Tenten, the list goes on and on.) The way Sakura goes from finding Naruto annoying to almost dying multiple times to keep him safe, I will never EVER be over that. Naruto's love going from puppy to something as passionately red as the thread of fate itself. The MinaKushi parallels. I have a lot (and I mean a lot) of ships in Naruto pertaining to these two, but NaruSaku is my absolute favorite. Like it was literally confirmed that Sakura got over Sasuke and then it got retconned for some bullshit. Saying it with my whole chest, argue with a wall, it should have been them. I won't dog any other ships, but yeah, it should have been them. 699 chapters of Naruto being in love with one woman, I sing the praises everyday.

SakuHina

Hinata's prince charming is literally Sakura. I have a whole ass fic I am slowly, painstakingly writing about what Naruto would have been like if Hinata had a crush on Sakura the whole time. I just think they're really cute together, have amazing chemistry and balance each other out. I didn't expect to like SakuHina as much as I did but here we are.

Kyoru

I mentioned it before in another answered ask but Fruits Basket was my first manga (if you're curious what my first anime was, it was Yu Yu Hakusho) and Kyoru was probably my first OTP. There are two characters I think upon so many rewatches and rereads that were prime game for who Kyo and Tohru could have ended up with had things been different (which, I do really ship as well. Multishipper here guys) but I'm not mad about the endgames that we got. From start to finish, Kyo and Tohru's relationship is beautiful and you can feel how strongly they feel for one another. It's like, wow, Takaya really gave us one of the best ships in shoujo and didn't even apologize for it.

Klance

Red + Blue = True. They had chemistry, supplemented for what the other lacked and we really don't need to have me diving into the bs that was VLD. That show wasn't even out long, my god, it was a mess.

NeuviFuri

Should I explain to you the romanticism of Hydro x Hydro? Oof how I love them. A Genshin ship after my own heart, truly. But if anyone is trying to against MiHoyoverse (I was here from the Mihoyo days, leave me alone) in terms of seeing who ships NeuviFuri more, we all lose. They literally paid people to do an ice dancing program in NeuviFuri cosplay, paid a guy to make a companion piece to Furina's song from Neuvillette's perspective and several other animations concerning their relationship in some way. But the Mihoyoverse shenanigans aside, it's the build up of 400+ years of working together, the care they still have for one another and yes the complementary abilities and color palettes. Not enough time in the day to talk about them, I don't think.

AriDante

Almost thought I wouldn't have a gif for them, then I remembered THEY GOT A MOVIE. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is one of my favorite books in the world. I have reread it once a year religiously since 2017 when I first discovered it. This is such a beautiful novel and relationship and if you haven't had the pleasure of reading it or the sequel, please do yourself a favor and buy it or rent it from your local library. It's just, the way Ari has been in love with Dante for so long and didn't even realize it but it's so, so clear to the reader because of just how he talks and describes him? I don't even want to go to deep into this one just in case there's someone here that hasn't read this book because it deserves to be read and experienced blind. Just, just please y'all read it.

#look she's answering #anon #animanga thoughts #royai #edwin #lingfan #almei #narusaku #sakuhina #kyoru #klance #neuvifuri #aridante

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flowersdiceandlove · 1 month

Text

Last night I wasn’t feeling good, so my mom—my wonderful, amazing mom who I love and am so lucky to have—offered to read some of Heaven Official’s Blessing to me. I’d just finished book 6 and hadn’t started 7, so she read the first chapter of book 7 to me. She has fun doing it. She reread about the first half of book 1 and a chapter here and there in the others volumes in the past, so this wasn’t the first time she’s done this. She’s unused to the Chinese names, and so I have to remind her who the characters are. Here is an incomplete list of how I remind her of the characters.

Xie Lian = the main character (luckily she knows this one by now)

Hua Cheng = the love interest (she got him mixed up with mu qing last night for some reason. Normally I don’t have to remind her)

Mu Qing = the sarcastic/condescending one

Feng Xin = the angry one

Pei Ming = he’s flirtatious (and with only that two word explanation of him, she read his line perfectly. Exactly how I imagined it)

When Fu Yao and Nan Feng were in it, I used Mu Qing and Feng Xin’s explanations respectively.

She messes up the pronunciation, but has finally remembered (at least most of the time) that “x” makes a “sh” sound and “q” a “tch” sound. She also has endless trouble with the gege = guh guh wanting to pronounce it jee jee. She also often says Xian Lian instead of Xie Lian and just can’t quite get Hua Cheng right. She really is trying though.

Also, also when it was revealed what the “giant” in the Kiln was, she was so shocked and her expression alone caused me to laugh for several minutes.

And, before you ask, yes, she likes HuaLian.

Two more things. 1) she absolutely loves the tremendous masculinity/Ju Yang euphemism, and it has become something I bring up to make her laugh. 2) she always forgets the word “fuck” is used in the books. Every. Single. Time. No matter how many times she reads it.

This post has not been intended as a roast to my mom. She’s amazing , and I love it when she reads this to me. It’s a little way we can spend time together and she can enjoy my interests with me. If anything this is me bragging about her awesomeness, sprinkled with comedy. Anyway, wish my mom luck on learning those Chinese names. They really are hard for her to learn. 😬🫤

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #tian guan ci fu #hua cheng #xie lian #hualian #feng xin #mu qing #pei ming #reading tgcf

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meyhew · 1 month

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Seed I have finished my tsc reread and I can’t stop thinking about how at the very end Jean is, despite his progress, angry and defeated by what his future looks like (that he belongs to the moriyamas). Neil has found his balance by choosing to love and care about others as a way of protecting himself since he won’t be a threat (leashed dogs behaving well in their cages etc etc) but Jean doesn’t believe that makes the situation that better… and I agree in a way, it’s still indenture. I don’t think there will be a way to suddenly defeat the Japanese mafia in tsc 2 but I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if Jean’s arc finished with real freedom. Renee teaches him to find small joys, Neil tells him to try out exercising his freedom where he can ‘maybe you’ll enjoy the taste of it’….. Or maybe I am just reading too much into the end idk

lyde. LYDE!!!! this bit from after his conversation with renee has been stuck in my head, when she tells him to believe in himself.

for neil it was andrew and doors and keys. for jean it’s renee and a path to somewhere he doesn’t yet recognize.

i highly doubt that the moriyamas and the mafia will be unraveled in the next book, but i’m with u in believing that there is potential for real true freedom for this boy. i am So Curious to know if/when jeremy will find out about the mafia, and what role (if any) his congressional family will play. like there has to be something there. neil’s arc was never about getting free of his gangster family roots—it was only ever about surviving them. and he does. the rest is just fine print that he can live with, because he has a family in the foxes and a partner in andrew. he will be okay. but jean. even before tsc was a thing, his arc was set up to be about being free of the moriyamas. when renee gets him out of the nest and kevin hands him over to the trojans, it’s all about getting him OUT. i want to believe that nora will find a way to cut all ties that bind him to the moriyamas and give him a chance at life without all of that mess. there’s an open door at his back!!!!! he just has to find the courage to walk through it

#whatever i’m literally so normal about this boy 🙂#tsc #khaotunng #answered

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littlestsnicket · 1 month

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wip tuesday

thanks for tagging me @astaldis !

i am, as of rereading the relevant part of blood of elves and spending literal hours doing rewrites because i finally managed to put my finger on what it wasn’t quite working, finally making forward progress on the yendelion fic! (just have to finish writing the sex. yes, this is where i thought i was when i set my writing goals for the week but i know what the sex is supposed to achieve now so i mean it this time.)

snippet:

“I’m in your debt and you’re responsible for me,” Dandelion said, easily looping back to earlier in their conversation. “I suppose that’s the purpose of the Law of Surprise—to tie this sort of mess up with a neat bow.”

“Perhaps. Should I claim it?”

“I don’t mind—being in your debt, that is—as much as I would have thought. I can’t imagine I have much you would want, surprise or otherwise. And,” Dandelion’s expression shifted from serious to impish in a blink, “if you used the traditional formalism, you might be left waiting a very long time for me to return home.”

“You shouldn’t show your hand like that.”

Dandelion shrugged. “You’ve always had the advantage, I don’t suspect it matters much.”

Yennefer studied him with a frown. “Regardless, I accept your earlier offer. You may repay me in song. It is what your life is worth.”

“Others might take that as an insult, my lady, but song is my life’s purpose.”

tagging: @whoslaurapalmer @gellavonhamster (i have your one piece fic open in a tab waiting for me to read the comics or be in the specific fey mood where one can read fic that they know basically nothing about the source material) and anyone else who wants to play :)

#the witcher #yendelion #yennskier #tag game #book!witcher #after poking at this on and off for almost three years i finally feel like it is good; it works now; it’s going to do my feelings justice

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wrinkledparchment · 1 year

Text

the absence of everything (iii)

Summary: Based on 1x22 | 2x1 - After your trip to Vegas was rudely interrupted by a suspicious manila envelope being delivered to your hotel room, you and Spencer have to cut your vacation short to go back to Quantico. Although you and Spencer try to resume your professional relationship after sharing a bed, Spencer realizes just how much you mean to him, and can finally put a name on what he feels, once and for all.

Word Count: 6,030 words

Author’s Note: So... I’ve been gone for so long but this series is probably the main thing I still receive praise for in my notes. I’m currently focusing more on writing for HL but I’ve had this in my drafts forever and I decided to feed you guys!! I hope you like it... upon rereading it, some of my favorite fluffy lines I’ve ever written are in here. How did I manage that.

Content Warnings: Your general criminal minds ish, death, stuff like that. Some fluff content for you guys!!

Series Taglist: @liviasaugusta @l0ve-0f-my-life @imsuperawkward @nxstalgicnxbxdy @marciscaspar @april-14-blog @sweetreid @essenceproxima @sammypotato67 @idkanymore-05 @slep-slop @squirrellover1967 @irjuejjsaa @yomama-umbridge @holybatflapexpert @rosignoelle @ladyravenclaw @yours-truly-r @spenciepoo338 @masieofthevalley @throughparisallthroughrome @afuckingshituniverse @ladyravenclaw @irjuejjsaa @danandphilfan6 @yasminwashere @mayempress @kys-things

the abscence of everything: i | ii | . . .

“It is me. I am his madness. For years he’s been looking for something to put his madness into. And he found me.” – John Fowles, The Collector

. . .

The coffee table in your Vegas hotel room had cluttered manila envelopes, the key and note given to Spencer, and a piece of missing evidence from your father’s murder scene. Rage bubbled in your stomach, so as Spencer called Gideon on the hotel room phone, quickly putting it on speaker, you paced around, unable to stop seeing your dad’s case files and his dead, mutilated body over and over again.

“Gideon, [Name] and I both got a package, I got a key and a note reading ‘She will die unless you save her, Doctor Reid. Call Gideon. He knows.’ She got two binded pieces of paper from a book her father was binding and repairing when he died.”

Gideon finally let out a sigh, “Yeah, I got a Nellie Fox baseball card from 1963 and a head in a box. Everyone on the team got something, but Elle was hit hard. She was framed for murder in Montego Bay, Hotch and Morgan went down to get her released and bring her back to Quantico.”

You walked closer to the phone and stopped chewing on your nails, rage bubbling inside your chest. “Gideon, whoever the hell this was had access to missing evidence from my father’s murder investigation. Meaning, this son of a bitch is the guy who robbed and killed my father. This is personal.”

“Don’t worry, [Name]. We’re going to find him. Get on the closest flight back here and Garcia will tell you where we are, we’re going to get this guy as soon as we can.” Right after he finished, Gideon hung up, leaving you and Spencer to race to get to the airport in time.

You left your rental car at the airport kiosk, signing it out and rushing after Spencer to get on the flight back home. It was all a blur, blended together to create your perfect disaster. You were stressed, overworked, and ill-prepared. This was the case you’d joined for—to find your father’s murderer and lock the bastard up.

You’d searched and searched and searched, and the criminal found you. Just as you’d eased out of work mode, just as something besides work and murder and blood filled your mind, he stole you away. Because of course he did. Because he was looking.

Spencer was a mess, but not for the same reason. You were obviously under duress, but you were so scattered that he felt like he couldn’t do anything. He did his best, carrying your bags for you, getting you iced chai while waiting for boarding. When you did get on the plane, he immediately lifted the armrest between you back, and pulling out Dante’ Inferno, handing his leather-bound copy over to you.

Your fingers ran over the spine of the book, feeling the indents where the title was, the smooth texture everywhere else. Fine craftsmanship, it must’ve been from a passionate, talented individual bookstore owner with a knowledge of binding. It reminded you of yourself, the care and attention devoted in the craft.

“You’ve got a fine copy here, Spence,” you smiled, as much as you could. “My dad would’ve loved it.”

“Do you think you can still bind books well?” he asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“I’ll never forget.”

He nodded, smiling something bittersweet, “We’ll find your dad’s old book. And you’re going to fix it.” You smiled again, a little more genuine, and flicked open Spencer’s copy of Dante’s Inferno.

“I’ve got supplies in a closet somewhere,” you recalled, voice soft and quiet in case it suddenly broke. You didn’t want to cry, and you shouldn’t, not here, but it was becoming harder to not be vulnerable with Spencer. “I dream about him every night.”

Reid nods, moving his hand to rest on your knee, moving his thumb gently, allowing you to continue. “I’ve been waiting for a lead, since before I was even in the FBI academy. I’ve been waiting for 8 years and now that I’ve finally got it… just when I was happy, too.” You pause for a minute, letting one tear roll down your face but holding the rest in. “I see his body everywhere I go, can’t stop remembering how the blood felt on my hands, how lifeless he looked. I miss him, even after all this time, and now that I’ve finally got a chance to figure out who did it, I don’t want to.”

Spencer pulled you closer, looking out the small window to see the bright blue sky and all the clouds. Your breathing was still erratic, your heart still broken. And he hated how in the moment you needed him most, he couldn’t figure out what to say. “I’m here,” he murmured, over and over again until he was sure you knew what he meant.

. . .

Even though Garcia’s explanation was rushed, you vaguely understood what was happening. She refused to look you in the eye, too, possibly because Gideon had told the team about what you’d found and how it was connected to you personally. It didn’t matter though, because you’d just pulled up to a possible unsub’s apartment.

The alleyway in which all the cars were parked was also crowded by other FBI members, all unguarded, meaning the unsub wasn’t there. The local police, and an extra car were also there, you assumed some sort of medical examiner, and there was probably a body.

You and Reid were authorized to enter after flashing your badges, and neither of you were asked to put on vests. Walking in, the both of you grabbed gloves, Spencer just holding them while you slid them on and followed him over to the crime scene.

It wasn’t overly graphic, compared to other things you’ve seen, but it was traditional to become emotionally numb in the job. No matter what, someone had died here, an ‘unrepentant bad man’ or not. The bed, and with it, the man named Frank Giles, was lying in the center of the room, a sword plunged into his chest and sticking upright.

Elle, Hotch, Morgan and Gideon all stood in the room, Hotch reading something written on the sword out loud to the rest of the team. “To learn of what should next be done, leave the blade til’ the hour be none.”

Spencer stepped closer, watching as Hotch asked Elle to step back. “The bed’s in the middle of the room,” Hotch began, Morgan interrupting for a second, “And maybe the light from here casts a shadow and points to something.”

Derek quickly began explaining his theory, “Well midnight is 00:00 hours in 24-hour time. Would that be none?” Hotch dismissed this quickly, stating that there would be no shadow at midnight, until Reid finally spoke up.

“3pm.” Everyone turned to him first, then you, then back to him. Obviously, Gideon did tell everyone that this was connected to your father’s death. And surprisingly, you looked very calm for someone about to embark on their quite literal personal case, the one you’d joined for. “Hey guys, Garcia told us where to find you.”

Hotch nodded at you, barely acknowledging how personal of a situation this was for you, but quickly dismissed it, listening to Spencer talk about medieval terms for hours of the day, then asking for lighting equipment so he could replicate the 3pm sun.

While people walked in and out with various standing lights, Gideon finally walked up to you. You turned to him, offering a quick nod and smile before quickly dropping it when he mentioned your dad. “You know you can’t let your past affect this case,” he states, and you nod. “It’s obviously personal, and I know this person is targeting you, but you can’t allow yourself to make mistakes because of your past with the unsub.”

Sighing, you agreed with Gideon, instead moving next to the shadow as Reid adjusted it, and you knocked on the wall until you heard a hollow sound, ripping away the wallpaper without need for Hotch’s command. Underneath all the wallpaper was a box, and you immediately grabbed it.

Reid stopped you, “Are we sure it’s safe?”

Hotch quickly dismissed him and allowed you to examine it. You played with the lock for only a few seconds before looking back up at Reid. “Give me the key.” Without hesitation, he handed it over and you shoved it in, and to nobody’s surprise, it fit perfectly. You lifted the lid, and familiar music had began to play, one that Reid had played for you during the classical music quiz.

“Forellenquintett,” you and Reid murmured in unison, the rest of the team looking up at each other before shrugging it off. Reid reached inside to grab the note from the music box, reading it out loud to the rest of the team.

Never would it be night, but always clear day to any man’s sight.

Elle scoffed, walking off, “Well, that was worth it.”

Gideon ignored her, speaking right afterwards. “The lid. Little tab right under the lock.”

You quickly fiddled with it, revealing a CD and a lock of hair that nearly perfectly matched yours. You hummed under your breath in disapproval and disgust, Derek and Elle working together to put the lock of hair in an evidence back and grab the CD for review.

After heading back to the table room, you and Reid sat next to each other, which was your usual spot. For some reason the team seemed to eye the both of you, suspicious about what had happened in Vegas and why you two were still together when you should’ve left before that.

You carefully watched the TV after someone slid in the CD. A dimly lit desk with cluttered items all around it, and a very large throne behind it. A man wobbled into frame, clearly injured by something, which the team noted.

“I assure you, you’ll all understand in the end why it must be this way. You might even thank me. You know now you’re on a quest; a young girl’s life depends on the successful completion of it. As you can see, she’s quite beautiful . . . and in distress.”

You clenched your fists when you saw the girl come into frame, screaming at the camera, begging for something. You wondered if everyone on the team recognized just how much, even from the little they all saw, how she looked like you.

“Now please listen closely for there is one rule, and this rule must be followed. The one rule is only the members of your team may participate in the quest.” He began to list your names, and displayed pictures of each of you in the video, you and Reid in the same frame taken during one of the previous cases. “A quest must be completed in a proper way, or it isn’t a quest, is it? That’s it. One rule. Simple.

“Now, you will be receiving an item soon that will hold the final clue you’ll need to finish the quest. You will find you also need a book which has inspired many an adventure like mine. Believe me when I tell you, I truly hope to see you all soon. It will mean a successful end to this adventure for all of us, but especially [Name].”

With that, the clip was over and all that was left was static. Reid had tensed after he’d mentioned you by name, and it didn’t fly over the heads of any of your coworkers either. The unsub knows you so well, doesn’t he? Pictures of you and Reid together, knowledge of just how to tick you off, and additionally, he knows what happened to your father the last night he was alive and is plunging that knife of knowledge right into your heart and twisting it. Involving all your coworkers in it, making it clear that all of this, it’s all for you.

You were the subject of madness, the main target of all of this. You were the ‘protagonist’, he was the villain, and everyone else—the dead, your coworkers, the girl he’d kidnapped—were all side characters in the story. But Reid, standing right next to you in the picture while everyone else was photographed individually, that said something to you. He knew about whatever was happening between the two of you, so much so that it was terrifying because he probably knew better than either of you.

Suddenly, the team was active. “This guy’s got pictures of us?” Elle exclaims.

Reid fiddled with the pen in his hand, “What do we do now?”

Hotch eyed you, noting how tense you seemed when only just minutes ago, even with a dead body in front of you, you were eerily calm. “The lock of hair’s being analyzed for DNA. There might be something on file.” JJ walked out, vowing to figure out who the girl is. Hotch nodded, “Let’s get the clues up on the board. Maybe we can make some sense of something.”

Elle immediately objected, “Wait, we’re going to play this guy’s game?”

Reid sighed, glancing at you for a few moments, “Do we have a choice?”

Everybody stayed silent, Spencer’s words lingering in the air while Gideon and Hotch went to a different room. You began quietly pinning the clues in the evidence bags to the board, not saying a single word to anybody else in the room. Elle found the soft crumple of the evidence bags relaxing, eyes closing softly until Hotch interrupted her nap and sent Anderson to take her home.

Soon enough, yet another piece of evidence, a list of number sets in a strict pattern, though it may not seem like it without a keen eye. Just as Spencer opened his mouth, you beat him to the punch. “Sets of numbers, page number, line number, word number. It’s a cipher based on a book which he expects us to know.”

Derek stares back at you, Spencer’s mouth opening and closing like a fish. Sure, you were quicker sometimes than he was, but you seemed so rigid, it was odd to them. “Yeah but what book?”

“Well, this ‘quest’ is clearly meant to be personal to you, [Name],” Derek proposed, “Meaning this is a book he expects you to know.” Spencer sighed, walking over to grab the ripped pages the unsub had sent you and examines them, reading the words hoping he’d remember reading this book at some point but he doesn’t.

“Dante’s Inferno?” Reid questioned, even though he obviously knew it wasn’t.

“Both of us would recognize it. Whatever book my dad was fixing that night, it was that book. Specifically, a first edition. Let’s see… that was eight years ago. Do you think memory recall would work?”

Elle and Derek simply stood off to the side while you and Reid debated each other, glancing at each other occasionally. Yet, the body language was the same as it always was, and maybe what had changed was the way Elle and Derek read the situation.

“When you got there, the book was gone; how would you know which one he was supposed to be working on?” Spencer rebutted.

“I was closing, I must’ve—” you stammered, “I must’ve known what book he was working on, I have to!” Soon, you were pacing around the room, muttering things underneath your breath and attempting to retrace your steps from 8 years ago that also occurred across the country.

Derek set his hands on your shoulders, holding you in place and stopping your pacing. “Okay, [Name], calm down, we can always try memory recall, and if not, the clues should be in the evidence—this guy is meticulous, I’m sure he’s accounted for this.”

Suddenly, Gideon walked back into the room, looking at the four of you. Spencer was still staring at the evidence board, Hotch leaning back in his chair, and Derek and you standing in the middle of the room. “[Name], you don’t have to relive that memory if it’s not necessary. How would we proceed if we didn’t have all these clues? What’s the first thing we’d look at?”

“Victimology,” you swallowed, both thankful and displeased that Gideon was looking out for your wellbeing. Everybody was watching you so closely, especially because this was a personal case to you, as if they expected you to break down at any moment.

“And we have a victim, Rebecca Bryant. Hotch and I will follow the mailman lead. Derek, take JJ and find out everything you can about Rebecca. Reid, [Name], stay here and find the book. If anybody can do it, it’s you two.”

Everyone else left the room, Reid and you staying. Sure, Gideon didn’t want you to relive the worst moments of your entire life, but you were so close. So you shut the door to the roundtable room and turned back to Reid. “I want to do memory recall.”

. . .

The chair you were sitting on was soft and sturdy, so you let yourself lean back, and you closed your eyes. You breathed, waiting for Reid to begin. You tried to calm yourself, enough to the point where your anger flooded away and all you could do was think. See your memories in a clear light.

“I’m going to try and calm down first, can you guide me?”

Spencer nodded, breathing along with you. “What is your favorite memory?”

You focused in on the word, smiling; favorite. You could hear Spencer’s giddy laugh echoing in your ears, bright city lights clouding your vision. The hood of your black rental car from Vegas reflected them, the smaller model of the Eiffel tower standing tall, neon signs and main strip casino windows. The cool, night breeze in your hair. You could still feel Reid’s lingering presence in the passenger’s seat, the way he looked at you with those doe-y, hazel eyes. His pupils were inflated, shrinking again when he turned away to change the stereo.

You could feel the pain in your toe when you stubbed it on the hotel bedframe, you could feel the newly replaced bedsheets of the hotel against your legs, and you could see Spencer standing over you, smiling so widely when you laughed. The way his warm skin felt against yours, how gentle he was with his arms around you.

You imagined the pool water as he splashed it back at you, the water droplets against his skin and the way he slicked back his wet hair. His laugh and shy smile after you told him he still looked like a rat when he was wet. The understanding look when he listened to your struggles with the BAU, your life story, the interest in your past and your hobbies.

After all the memories you’d made yesterday had flashed through your head in a matter of seconds, you registered what it meant. When you thought of happy, you thought of him. Some of your favorite moments in life were with him, being around him, watching him. Him, him, him. This feeling—it was consuming you, and it felt so delightful. You wanted it to devour you, and you let it.

“Yesterday,” you whispered after a minute of reliving the best day of your life. You didn’t open your eyes, but you could hear Reid shift in his chair and you smiled, assuming he was blushing. Profiler or not, he knew what that meant.

He sighed, “Are you ready to go back?” You nodded. “It was eight years ago. How old were you?”

“I was sixteen, and about to graduate high school.” You still remember how frustrated and overwhelmed you were. The night before you discovered your dad, you had the closing shift along with a massive pile of homework and colleges to apply to. You sat behind the wooden counter, combing through your homework as fast as you could, eager for your father to come and take an overnight shift in working with the books.

“What time was it?”

“It was five minutes until the clock struck 11,” you said, which was the beginning of your father’s shift at the bookstore. You were packing up your homework and college applications back into your bookbag, noting on a stray piece of paper all the leftover homework and applications you had to pour over in the morning. You were so tired, but you wanted to thank your father for taking the shift tonight and letting you rest.

“My father is coming in,” you tell Spencer, reliving the last moment you saw him alive. The door rang, signaling his entrance. His hair and shoulders were wet from the rain outside, something you didn’t remember about the scene until now. He smiled, asking you how your day went.

“Okay, sweetpea,” he had begun, “are you ready to go home?” You nodded to him, but not before helping him with his bags. He looked at you, smiling while you followed him down to the book storage, an icy cold basement.

You watched, setting out his materials for him while he brought out the book, which was partially bound but tattered still, especially the cover, and you had to take a double take, pausing and hearing Reid’s voice. You weren’t listening, but rather going through the evidence in your head.

JJ’s butterfly, Reid’s key, and a lock of hair all on top of a piece of bloodied parchment. You could see the dainty, cursive letters, shocked as to how you’d not remember the cover when you worked at a bookstore. You gasped, nearly crying as you remembered the last thing you’d seen your father doing alive.

You tried to shake it all out of your head, the unsub wanted to get to you. This quest was curated for you and him, a chess game, and you needed to have a level head to win. Sitting straight up, your eyes shot open and you and Reid shared a glance, him smiling proudly. You handled yourself so well.

“The Collector, by John Fawkes,” you stated, rushing over to the board where all the evidence was pinned. You took off the butterfly, the lock of hair, the key and the bloodied paper and set them in front of Reid.

“These are all on the first edition front cover, a bloodied piece of paper as a background, the key, the lock of hair and the butterfly all on top. Not only do they have a personal significance to us, but to the book. I should’ve known sooner,” you berated yourself, explaining quickly before walking off, ready to call the nearest library for their first edition copy of The Collector.

. . .

Reid, Garcia, and you had all stood around, them solving the cipher and writing the message on the board. Elle had been sent home earlier, so you were a team member short, but you were closer than you’d ever been on solving your dad’s murder. So close you could almost imagine him, smiling down at you and telling you that you were doing a good job. That’s all the encouragement you needed.

Hotch had berated Anderson for only dropping Elle off rather than staying at her house, stating that the unsub had all of your personal information. You begged Hotch to let you go to her house and stay, but he said he had needed you too much because of your connection to the case.

Instead, you watched as Reid and Garcia went over the cipher with the librarian. You walked away from the team when Hotch called you. “Yes sir?”

“Elle was shot at her house, I’m at the hospital now, I need you and Reid to keep working on those clues. I’ll update you when she’s out of surgery.”

Your stomach twisted, wondering why in all hell the unsub took Elle. This was your quest, the team were all there to aid you. Why would he hurt Elle instead of you? Instead of your family or someone you were close to? You nearly cried out as you broke into tears—this team, the BAU, is your family. And you’ve brought all of them into danger just by being here.

When you walked back into the room, you’d discovered that Reid had called his mom to be flown into Quantico by the federal agents there, and that you’d be meeting his mom for the first time. She was involved in this case now too, and you wondered if you should stick around after this. If all of this, if Elle’s shooting was your fault.

. . .

You leaned against Reid’s desk as he fiddled with the evidence bag that the poem was in. “Your mom’s safe,” you said, “agents just picked her up and she’s flying over here now. Garcia told me.”

Reid didn’t even dare to meet your gaze, staring at the poem still. “I forgot she always used to read me this poem,” he started. “And I realized that nobody knows things like the fact that JJ collects butterflies except for me. People tell me their secrets all the time, and I think it’s because they know I don’t have anyone to betray them to… except for my mother. I tell her pretty much everything in my letters. Did you know that I write her everyday?”

You smiled, leaning forward, “I did, Reid. And I know that you feel guilty about not seeing her two days ago. That you write all of those letters to make up for the fact that you think you don’t visit her enough.”

He looked up at you, a clear question in his eyes. How do you know?

“Reid, during my memory recall, when you asked what my favorite memory was… I’ve been alive for twenty-four years, and out of any memory—the ones with my best friend, the good days here, my childhood—I chose Las Vegas. Not because of the beautiful city lights, or the fancy car, but because you were there with me, just us.

“I told you about my father not because you don’t have anyone to betray me to, but because I want you to know. Because I trust you whole-heartedly, and if anybody in this world should know me best, it’s you.”

Spencer finally held his eye contact with you, swallowing hard. You let your words hang in the air before putting your hand on his shoulder and squeezing, allowing it to linger there for a few seconds before walking back to Garcia’s lair, wanting to soak up all the information she might have.

You heard the signature ‘beep’ of Garcia hanging up on someone, and shut her door gently before striding over to her desk. “What’s going on so far?”

She didn’t lift up her eyes to look at you, typing furiously on her computer, “I’m searching for Rebecca Bryant’s biological family, turns out she was adopted by the Bryant family and her real last name is Garner.”

Penelope filled you in further on the details, actively working to unseal her adoption papers and find out what happened to the original family; after all, the victimology is the first thing you look at.

Could you consider yourself a victim? He’d been taunting and tormenting you and your entire team, he was most likely the man who had killed your father, or at least knew what happened or was involved somehow. Your father had been murdered prior to Rebecca’s disappearance, and you considered why this man would have been involved with your father’s murder and Rebecca’s disappearance.

Were you actually a target?

You went to sit back at your desk, looking at your old piece of parchment paper with your favorite canto of Dante’s Inferno written in cursive, the fifth, the canto of Francesca. The most famous line written in bold and in the original Italian, “Amor, ch’a nullo amato amar perdona,” or “Love, that excempts no beloved from loving in return.”

The bullpen was a shuffle of people, other agents you didn’t interact with that much, that didn’t come with you on cases, and tons of other people rushing around, going through files, making phone calls. Spencer strided over from the small kitchenette to sit at his desk, which was connected to yours, sitting across from you with a small wall of transparent glass in between.

He smiled at you, a warm, small smile that frequently was exchanged between the two of you. Sometime in between your talk at his desk and the hour or so you went without seeing each other, there was a microscopic layer of tension between you, beginning right where your desks separated.

The shuffling of the bullpen dulled the ache of the tension, and so did your eyes slowly closing to rest for just a few minutes as Reid spent his time half-dozing off while reading a printed out version of The Collector. Reid finally broke this silence when your head began to tilt to the side as you fell into a tiny cat nap. He called for you, with no response, so he got out of his chair and poked you in the forearm.

You wiggled a bit in your sleep, shifting around trying to find some semblance of comfort in your uncomfortable office chair. He takes a moment to stare just for a bit at your face. Looking at your eyes gently closed, your face peaceful even in this painful position, his mind fogged with the soft midnight laughter you traded with each other in the Vegas hotel room. He imagined the weight of your head on his chest, your arm laid over his stomach, your face and warm breath against the crook of his neck.

He realized quickly the words that came along with the happy memories made along with you. The constricting yet freeing feeling stuck in his throat and squeezed around his heart, the sort of euphoria you associate with the warm feeling of sun on your skin and driving a convertible along the coast. That beautiful, powerful, devouring feeling of knowing that someone has you. You’re theirs, completely and utterly.

The feeling of pure joy when you stop daydreaming and start remembering memories instead. When the words to describe this feeling escape you because all you can think about is that one, special person who has altered the course of your life forever. When you can no longer write romance because none of the words you put onto a page can do this feeling--this love--justice.

He was in love with you. He felt it in everywhere he looked, everything he did, and every moment he lived.

Spencer took a quick look around the office, and gently prodded at your sleeping form again until you open your eyes just a little, squinting against the bright lights of the bullpen. He held out his hand, which you, in your sleepy, half-awake state, took with no hesitation as he guided you into the conference room and turned off most of the lights.

He showed you to the couch, sitting on the far end, leaving you room to lay down and take the rest of it while the two of you rested and waited for Spencer’s mother to arrive. The crown of your head was just barely touching the side of his thigh, and eventually, moving and wiggling around in your sleep made you lay your head straight in his lap.

He felt the sudden movement and then the weight, and stared down at your side profile, admiring the way the dim lights highlighted your face perfectly. He brushed hair out of your face and tucked it behind your ear, and he swear he saw a ghost of a smile on your face. He fell asleep, fingers still intertwined and resting in your hair.

Spencer dreamt of city lights and midnight laughter and Vegas hotel rooms. He dreamt of walking up behind you while you made pancakes in the morning and piling kisses all along the side of your neck and face, arms wrapped around your waist and the way your body would be decorated in stripes by the morning sun.

He was woken up by the distribution of weight changing, your head shifting to stare up at him, hair surrounding your face in a pile on his lap. The sleepy smile that graces your face twists his stomach into knots and melts his heart.

You seem to not mind the fact that your head had wound up in his lap, and instead, you muttered a small, sleepy, single word. “Coffee?”

He almost laughed, just stunned by how natural the domesticity and comfortability between you two felt. Like the wall that had built between you--separating your pinkies from intertwining, separating your fates from inexplicably linking--had suddenly vanished. There was a mutual understanding there--you make me feel safe, you make me happy, you are mine.

He slid out from underneath your head, turning around just before he reached the exit to look at you, splayed across the couch comfortably, the dim 5:00 am moonlight gleaming through the windows, and your eyes, shining even brighter back at him with a giant smile on your face.

In the small kitchenette, he tidies himself up as much as possible, fussing with his hair while coffee brewed, and just as he finished pouring the both of you a cup, a group of FBI agents gathered around the entrance with a blonde, tall and pale woman that was Spencer’s mother.

“That’s why you’re so skinny, you know,” Spencer’s mother, Diana Reid stated only a few seconds after walking into the bullpen. Spencer turned his head, setting down the pot of coffee. His mother’s eyes were sunken just a bit, dark circles underneath, worry lines accenting her face. “Too much coffee.”

Her frame was cramped up, shoulders tightened and her body looking even more frail by the minute. Her short pixie cut looked untamed, and Spencer wondered how stressed she had been. He knows that she hates planes, and the government, and basically anything else where somebody might be watching her.

Schizophrenia tends to do that to a person. Even the smartest people get unlucky, get ill in a time where there isn’t much help or refuse it themselves. Spencer lives every day wondering about his mother’s happiness and well-being, but knows she is taken care of in her facility. He writes her everyday, and thinks about his childhood memories, about his father and mother and how he wanted a relationship that was nearly the opposite of that.

They loved each other at one point. Enough to have him and raise him together for a few years, and all he can think about is how much he would love and cherish his wife, his children with her, and how no matter what got in the way, he couldn’t see himself ever letting go.

All these thoughts, worry for his mother, himself, his future, his children float through his head and pass by in a few seconds. The next few seconds consist of you, whether his mother would approve of you and just how much she might adore you for seeing you make her son so happy.

Finally coming back to reality, he nodded at the FBI agents who had brought her here. “Thanks a lot guys, I’ve got her.” Walking forward, he looks at the horrified look on his mother’s face, eyebrows raised and hand coming to cover her mouth, glancing around the FBI bullpen, clearly unnerved by where she was.

Once the FBI agents have disappeared around the corner of the hallway into the bullpen and Spencer takes a few more steps towards her, she lets her hand drop from her face. “You know I’m terrified of flying,” she states, shaking her head for emphasis.

Spencer gives a small, fake smile. “I know mom, I’m sorry.”

Spencer glances over his mom’s shoulder, seeing you come out of the roundtable room and begin walking over to where he and his mom were standing. Still obviously upset, his mom continues, “Well then why did you have those fascists arrest me?”

He can hear your footsteps echoing throughout the mostly quiet bullpen, and he tries to calm his mom down before you arrive here, to introduce yourself.

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