Comic based on this post that I've had saved in my drafts for like 2 years and finished in like 2 days last week lol

a couple of dad!simon headcanons ♡

- hello! i'm sun, and this is my new writing account! i haven't written properly in years, so please go easy on me!

simon “ghost” riley x fem!reader

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☼ simon never imagined having a family of his own. even after the first few years of being together, the thought never crossed his mind. until your best friend had a baby...

your best friend was visiting with her newborn and seeing you holding the baby flipped a switch in his head. you smiled and cooed at him, causing the baby to flash a toothless smile. there was a twinkle in your eye that he hadn’t noticed before and he pictured you glowing so beautifully as you held your own daughter, a mini version of you and him all in one. he didn’t bring it up for weeks as he thought it through himself. was having a family even possible for him? was he just being selfish?

☼ it comes up one day after you notice he’d been unusually quiet while spending time together. he wasn’t the most talkative, but he enjoyed conversations with you, even joking here and there.

“is everything okay, si? you’ve been extra quiet today.”

“hmm, yeah. just been zoning off.” he shrugs, unsure how to approach the subject. he knows you would listen but he doesn’t know how he’d react if your answer was no.

deciding rejection is better than never knowing, he sharply inhales, ��have you ever thought about having children?”

the question throws you off, certainly random for a guy who doesn’t speak much of the future. you sit for a second debating your answer, and simon’s chest clenches in anxious anticipation.

“i have a few times, nothing too serious though. it never seems like there’s a good time for us.”

he nods in agreement, “been thinking about it these days. maybe it’s something we can consider.”

☼ needless to say, you both decide after many conversations and more time, that expanding your family is something you’re open to. you stop your contraception soon after and begin trying. he becomes even more attentive, constantly checking in with you and doing plenty of research on how to make your pregnancy easy. he gets you anything you want - whenever you want. and back and foot massages become part of your everyday routine.

☼ recognizes that he won't always be around because of his extremely demanding work. he checks in whenever he can, even writing letters if he has to. it breaks his heart having to miss doctor appointments and weekly milestones with you, but you always know he tries his absolute best for you two.

☼ simon loves skin to skin contact for the first few months. he loves to lay with her against his chest and drift off to the tv while you take a quick shower. he finds himself just watching her a lot, trying to memorize every movement her tiny body makes.

☼ soooo protective. no kisses, no pets, no sick people, doesn’t allow anything that could be of risk near her. he always has the two of you in his sight, preferring to push the stroller as you walk on the side of him.

☼ he's not one to care for style, so you do the main planning for the nursery. he builds all of the furniture for you while you watch. he looks so hot in his grey sweats and a black t-shirt that you can't help but distract him a few times.

☼ it's a hard adjustment for him having to return for a mission after she's born. he spends his entire last day holding and watching her, a sad slouch in his shoulders.

"gonna miss you so much, darlin. i'll be back as soon as i can," he whispers, gently kissing her forehead before handing her back to you. simon's hands grip your waist, pulling you in close to kiss you deeply before resting his forehead against yours. "i need my girls to stay safe. ill update you when i can, dove."

whenever he can, he scrolls though his videos on his phone just to see her face. her eyes twinkle brighter than any star to him and a slight smile creeps under his mask.

☼ relieves you from baby care when he can tell you’re exhausted. sighing and pulling yourself out of bed when crying erupts through the baby monitor. he doesn’t get up at first, but when the crying continues for a minute, he comes to check on you. he pushes the door cracked door open, revealing you desperately hushing and bouncing her in your arms. your eyes are tired and heavy, wishing for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

“i got ‘er. go back to bed love,” simon says, taking his baby girl into his arms.

you give him a weak smile and a thankful squeeze at his arm, walking straight to bed without another peep. he holds her close to his chest as he sits down in the chair, propping her neck up as he stares down at her. her eye color matches his, but she resembles you more and more everyday. he’s enamored by her, his beautiful little girl that he created with the love of his life.

she quiets down shortly, falling back asleep in his arms as he rocks her slowly. his own eyes grow heavy, and he sets her down in her crib before returning back to bed. he climbs in behind you, pulling your back to his chest and planting a soft kiss on the side of your neck.

“if she wakes up again i’ll take care of it. you just sleep darling,” simon whispers, receiving a hum in response from you as you snuggle into him.

he takes care of his girls so well.

Theory on how a TVman/woman's abilities work

Okay, we're just gonna be looking at the screen abilities, as their other stuff e.g. hand knives are self-explanatory (well, maybe not teleportation, but I've no clue about that).

-○-

First, we're gonna look at the "anatomy" of a CRT.

To my highly simplified understanding, the Electron Gun sends out a ray of light which is expanded into video by the screen (I am likely wrong, this is just the gist).

Now, I'd say that there's a couple different gadgets at the Fluorescent Screen, which ill explain here.

-○-

Red Screen of Death

[TW: Suicide. Skip to the next one if you don't like that.]

Im going to get this one out of the way first as its the most simple and boring:

Firstly, this has nothing to do with CRT's. We have seen that the RSOD is only capable of being created on flatscreen TV's, whether that's LCD, OLED etc.

I think that it's literally just an EXTREMELY bright red light. It's brightness is just low enough to be as bright as possible without causing instant blindness while also causing excruciating pain and burns to the retinas. The pain is so excruciating that all rational thinking is abandoned. Only one objective goes through the mind of the victim, and its to suicide by any means necessary. There's only one method of escape they can think of, and it's death. Very disturbing, but also really basic.

[Polycephalies' White Screen is basically the same but less powerful: just a really bright light.]

Purple Screen of Hypnotisation

My theory is that this is a combination of light and sounds that transmit signals to the brain/CPU of the target.

The screen creates an inviting, eye-catching glow, which gets the target to look at it. From there, a small circuit (We will call it Circuit 1) sends a signal to the CPU of the TV person saying "Hey! We're hypnotising someone! Tell Circuit 2 what you want them to do!" and the CPU / brain of the TV says "Got it. Circuit 2, I want you to make them do a dance."

Circuit 2 gets the signal and tells the hidden speakers in the TV "Hey! CPU says this has to make them do a dance!"

[Now, I'm going to briefly interrupt here and admit that I got heavy inspiration from this video on the (quite possibly fake) virus BadBIOS, that advertises itself as being able to spread through the air. It does so by emitting a frequency for other nearby computers to pick up that creates a spectrogram image of malicious code that infects the computer and spreads the virus further. Check out the video for more info, its actually super interesting.]

The hidden speakers in the TV then emit a frequency depending on what the the target is:

-If its an organic/skibidi, the frequency is designed to mess with it's brain in a way that stops its thought process and makes it focus on the sole objective that is carried through the frequency. (This frequency is achieved using new technology that would've been discovered by the time of the apocalypse, this is impossible with today's advancements.)

-If its a hardware head/non-organic, it does the same thing as BadBIOS: sending over code which completely overrides the hardwares free will to use its body. Its similar to being controlled by a parasite: the hardware can see what its doing (e.g. TCam would've been able to see he was beating up TSpeaker even though he didn't want to) but its body is being moved against its will. Pretty disturbing if you think about it.

All of this goes on until the light is turned off and the frequency ends.

Orange Screen(?) of Inferno

Now, I put that question mark there as I actually think this screen has nothing to do with cathode ray tubes.

Please watch this video of a solar death ray:

Source: edmundoptics On YouTube

Now, the logic behind this is that the sunlight is concentrated into a ray by the lens which gets thinner and thinner until it reaches a fine, concentrated point and expands outward in radius again. Even rocks that are put under this crack and melt.

Now, my theory is that TV's that can make a OSOI (TTV and TVwoman) have a little slider mechanism inside. Basically, they can alter between the standard Cathode Ray Tube which let's them do the other abilities, or a VERY strong and burning hot light, like a very small sun. It uses the screen as a lens and scorches victims unlucky enough to be caught within its radius. If you're even more unlucky, you'll be in the thin but extremely concentrated part, which will completely crack any metal or porcelain and melt skin.

Extra Notes:

-Diagram of a TV person's CRT.

-Diagram of the OSOI Screen (using a shitty image I grabbed off the wiki)

-Black Screen and Pink Screen are left out intentionally as 1. I have no clue about teleportation and b. The pink screen doesn't really do anything??? idk lmao

blurb #1 — and then some universe

this little beauty came to mind at 6:30 in the morning so i hope u enjoy this tiny thing <3 …let me know if you want a full version ??

Y/n Y/l/n Answers the Web’s Most Searched Questions

“Right, last one. When do…” Y/n’s hair lays beautifully atop her head, hands pristine with her nails flawlessly scratching upon the board with a new gel set— courtesy of Gemma Styles, of course. “Y/n Y/l/n and Harry Styles get time alone?”

She snorts, quickly covering the bottom half of her face with her hand in short embarrassment. Her cheeks immediately pull into a sweet smile, an answer already bubbling in her mind.

“We don’t. It depends on what kind of… alone time you mean. ‘Cause…” She pauses, kissing her teeth, trying to find a way to answer this in a somewhat professional manner. “Alone alone time, we try to squeeze some in, whenever we can.” Y/n sends a knowing glance to the camera as well as a flirty wink, eyes flickering to the back area of it, knowing her boyfriend was in close proximity enough to hear what she said.

“However, alone time, we get whenever we check into a hotel. But as of right now, our alone alone time has been happening quite frequently due to days long pauses in between shows.” She giggles, in slight disbelief that she’s airing out some details of her and Harry’s sex life to the general public. She knew she was probably gonna get in trouble for this answer.

By her pr manager and Harry.

But did she care?

No, not really.

“Okay! Last and final board!” She’s handed a new board, nails tapping against it as she repositions herself on the chair. She rips off the tiny strip of paper before reading it. “Y/n Y/l/n,” She glances at the rest of the sentence before looking at the camera again in shock. “Hickies.”

Harry lets out a loud laugh at this, quickly being shushed by Jeff.

“Well, a couple of weeks ago, I was papped with a tanktop on, neck on full display. But in my defense, I was walking to my car so I deemed it safe enough to walk out vulnerable! I didn’t think anyone was gonna see his fuckin’ vampire bites!” She snickers, the entirety of the crew letting out hearty chuckles.

“Oi, y’hear these, Styles? Everyone’s obsessed with our sex life!” She smiles prettily, before soon after finishing the board and throwing it toward Harry who’s since moved closer and now stood a few feet to the right of the camera.

“Right, well I hope you nosy fuckers enjoyed this, be sure to watch my new film, Sweetener, in theatres everywhere right now! You can also catch me on the US leg of my friend Harry’s tour, Love On Tour! And if you liked this, like and subscribe to WIRED so I can come back and answer some more of your extremely inclusive questions! Bye!” She blows a kiss before the video turns black, leaving her boyfriend, and the rest of the internet, in a collective emotion of shock.

******

this was actually too fun to write even if shes a tiny one. i loved this sm maybe ill do a full one if yall like it enough :)

you know what? lifes shit. come make something with me

So for context, these are my comfort dolls I crocheted over a year ago: Bonehill and Zerako.

theyre also the main characters of my webcomic Skull & Pyro but you dont gotta worry about that rn all you gotta know is that theyre husbands. (if you wanna worry about it its ok go check out my pinned post)

So I love making them minature things and I'm a horrible little christmas goblin so I wanna make them a mini christmas tree (and a whole scene to boot but lets start with a tree).

Here you can see the leaves fighting against their creator as I bring them into this wretched world (aka my loops kept falling off my hook). I went off of The Lazy Hobbyhopper's pattern here. Base of the tree is made with bulky green yarn I found in a bin and then worsted weight white yarn to make the leaves look smaller to make sure the green would be seen underneath. I Also skipped every other row when making the leaves to further achieve this.

Next I need a sturdy interior so the tree is firm for decorating. There could be better materials for this but my brain will use any and everything I have on hand before it'll buy new materials so my grubby lil hands grabbed some cardstock and made it a cone

Next for the trunk I used the left over cardstock to make a tube and then grabbed a old CVS paper bag to give it trunk texture and color. The final touches are with crayola marker because thats just the crisis situation we're dealing with here.

Now the base of the tree is made, rad, cool, looks neat.

Ignore the fact that my camera decided my walker is the star of the photo this is what happens when I screenshot my videos.

We need a topper and I refuse to make a normal star bc my boys are agents of chaos so I asked my mom what it should be and she suggested a mushroom gnome. She knows me well.

I make a lot of these little guys purely bc my brain eel has decided they are The Shit right now. This is my own pattern that is minimal sewing because I Hate Sewing Extra Shit it just makes more steps in my mind which makes the brain eel angery. So I bullshit stitches and run with it. If I can learn to translate the horrors that are my patterns into words, maybe one day Ill share it. Unfortunately the horrors are winning

Now for ornaments and lights. I could crochet those but brain eel doesn't want to so Target it is.

Now on with the lights, these fairy lights were bright as fuck and with the white leaves I felt assaulted with color ASDFJFLGK like listen I love color but Im used to green trees and didn't realize the frosted leaves would just Become The Entire Light Spectrum

they are entranced.

So I just swapped the fairy lights with my taco lights that were on my own mini tree and honestly, that fits better in every way given Zerako notoriously loves tacos and its much less stimulating. And the fairy lights look great on my tree.

Of course I need cheesy couples photos of them putting the tree up because it Is their tree, they deserve this moment.

you're doing great boys (they are not doing anything)

NOW for ordaments. Percieve them putting on the ordaments.

Now pretend you never perceived them (for I am doing the rest).

All together it looks great!! The colorful ordaments really help balance the plain yellow/white lights.

I adore how this turned out. Life is still shit but my boys have their own tree so I'll live with it 💚 I got more christmas crafts planned for these two so follow me for more mild serotnin inducers.

Hope life's a little less shit for you today 💙

Too Little Too Late Chapter 1

Pairings: Ienzo/Reader

Summary: You're the local Potion Master and Enchanter for Radiant Garden, after meeting and getting to know one of the local scientists, you've managed to fall head over heals for him. Little did you know your love for him would be your downfall, as an illness takes a hold of you causing you to cough up lilac petals. You could easily cure it by telling Ienzo how you feel, but you can't help but notice the new face around Radiant Garden and he seems very close to Ienzo. 

Rating: G but its got some swearing.

A/N: I know this chapter is short, but I found the flow to work better by cutting it where I cut it. This fic is going to be pretty angst, but with hurt comfort and I swear there is a happy ending. This fic also involves the hanahaki disease of the reader so have fun!

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You couldn’t help the grin that spread across your face, “Ienzo, how are you?” you had a huge crush on him. Ever since you met him two years ago when Radiant Garden was coming back to life, you both became such good close friends. When you met him he was so fragile and emotionally unstable, he told you why and what had happened to him when he was a child, and how he had ended up in the organization. But, you convinced him to talk to someone, and you did your best to support him.

It was about a year into your friendship that you realized that you were interested in him, and from there it escalated and you found yourself in love with this man. But he had never shown interest in dating anyone, so you never tried to pursue it. You always hoped that one day he would make the first move, or at least he would find someone and you would be able to move on, but he was always around. You both spent so much time together, and the more he healed and worked on his guilt and pain, the more his personality started to shine through. So here you were, hopelessly in love with this wonderful science boy.

“I’m doing fine, but I’m hungry and I wanted to see if you would accompany me to get some lunch in town,” He was always so polite, and he’s so handsome. How could you say no.

“Where are we going?” you asked leaning over to set the potion in the crate with the others.

“I was in the mood for ramen, if I’m honest,” you could hear the rustling in the background of the video from his end.

“Ienzo,” you heard from the background, “You need to stop eating out all the time.”

Ienzo took in a deep breath and let it out before turning to Even, “Thank you for the advice, but I’m going to choose to ignore it.”

Even rolled his eyes at Ienzo, “Fine, but you need to think more about your health you know.”

“I’m going to continue my phone call now,” Ienzo concluded before turning back to the phone. “What do you think, [Y/N]?”

“Ramen sounds good to me, I’ll never get enough of it, honestly,” you could eat it everyday, “Want to meet there at like 12:15?”

“Sounds great,” he grinned, “I’ll see you then, oh could you bring some potions along? We need some for around the lab, I can send a list and bring the munny.”

“Abosolutely,” you gave him a thumbs up, “I’ll make sure to have it ready, I was just working on restocking so it should be no problem”

“Awesome, I’ll see you soon the-?” The new guy to Radiant Garden was in the frame throwing his arm around Ienzo’s shoulder.

You hadn’t realized that they had known each other, you noticed the new face a couple weeks ago, he must have been from a different world. You didn’t remember him from before the fall of Radiant Garden, maybe Ienzo met him before Radiant Garden was restored.

“Hey! Are you Y/N? The best friend?” He asked through the call, Ienzo gave a heavy sigh. It was nice that Ienzo talked about you.

“This is Myde, he’s living here in the castle for the time being,” Ienzo allowed him to wrap an arm around him. You were surprised, he didn’t let many people touch him, friendly or otherwise.

“Thanks for keeping this guy in check!” Myde pat his chest, Ienzo seemed fairly comfortable with him. “He’s not so great at taking care of himself.” Ienzo rolled his eyes at the comment.

“Oh yeah, I always make sure that he’s actually eating and taking breaks,” You laughed, Ienzo’s face was now a slight tint of pink. You didn’t know that Myde had worked in the castle with the others.

“You better get back to Even before he decides to make you a test subject,” Ienzo warned and at that Myde laughed awkwardly before running out of frame. “Sorry about that, I’m going to head out now so I’ll see you at the ramen place.”

“Of course,” you both said your goodbyes, and hung up. You decided to get a few more potions done before heading out, but you had this strange tickle in your throat. It started as a few coughs, you kept drinking water, but nothing seemed to help. “what the fuck?” you whispered to yourself.

Soon you were doubled over coughing, the longer it went on, the more terrified you were that you would suffocate. You felt something fluttering in your throat, your eyes were watering and you were on your knees on the floor unable to stand.

After what seemed like so long, you finally coughed up what ever was stuck in your throat. You looked down at your hand, flower petals? Lilac specifically. You glared at the lilac you had on your desk. You must have breathed in petals at one point and not noticed, well at least you were alive. You looked at the time, “shit!” You jumped up and quickly gathered the potions that Ienzo requested and quickly put up the closed sign and locked the door.

When you reached the Ramen shop Ienzo already got a table, “Sorry,” you immediately apologized, “I almost died.” you took a seat across from him.

He raised an eyebrow at you, “do you want to explain how you almost died?”

“I breathed in flower petals while I was working on potions,” you admitted. It was a bit embarrassing, but at least you had made it to the ramen shop, “which reminds me,” you placed the bag of potions on the table. “I believe these are for you.”

He laughed and took the potions, “I’m sorry for asking for something so deadly from you, but I appreciate your sacrifice for these potions,” he then reached into his own pocket and handed you a small bag, “Here is the compensation as well. But, do you feel better?”

“Yes,” you reached out and took the bag, your fingers brushing his, “I-I just didn’t realize what had happened and it hurt, but I think some warm ramen should do the trick.”

“Ramen makes most things better,” Ienzo agreed, when you two became friends, one of the first places you went to eat was this ramen shop. You had an idea that he associated the ramen shop and in turn, the actual bowl of ramen, with comfort and safety. It helped that the family that ran the shop were very kind and knew both of you by now. They always loved having you two in the shop.

“I have to agree with you,” You sighed happily settling into your seat, “it’s starting to get colder out, so I feel like we’re going to be coming here more often.”

“I will always agree to come here,” he grinned, “thank you for all of these potions though, Even will be very happy.”

“Glad to help,” you smiled.

“But I wonder if I should bring my supplies to your shop and keep watch on you.” You had to admit you were a little clumsy. He had witnessed quite a few unfortunate incidents; you tripping, you hitting your hips and arms off of railings and walls, as well as watching as things just dropped from your hands almost like a ghost had decided to knock it from your grip.

“I’ll live!” you waved him off, “I’ll keep you in mind when I almost die again.”

“You better!”

----------------------------------

After lunch you went back to your shop and restocked, you were able to get caught up on all of your enchanting work, and the day was actually kind of slow. You were were thankful for it, and messaged Ienzo on your gummi phone.

[Y/N] 3:03 pm I literally ran out of things to do and I’m kind of glad I get to sit down and drink some tea.

[Ienzo] 3:09 pm That sounds lovely. Unfortunately, Even has me entering in data. I find that data entry can put me right to sleep.

[Y/N] 3:11 pm Sounds like you’ll need a nap after work today :P

[Ienzo] 3:16 pm What is :P ?

[Y/N] 3:17 pm It’s a face sticking its tongue out, Sora showed it to me :D <--- smiley face

[Ienzo] 3:20 pm I can see it :D <--- my face when I finally understood.

“OH NO!” you yelled out loud, thankfully no one was in the store to hear you. But, how could he do this to you!? He was so fucking cute!

[Ienzo] 3:21 pm :D <---- me when I eat ramen.

“He’s going to kill me!” you yelled out loud once more! you felt that weird tickle in your throat, like when you had that coughing fit from before. You coughed to try and make it go away, while trying to type back.

[Y/N] 3:22 pm :D <--- me watching you be excited over typed out faces.

Unfortunately, the cough came back at full force, you were soon doubled over the counter coughing into your arm. You didn’t want anyone to walk in on you like this, so you did your best to shuffle into the back taking your phone with you just in case you needed to call for help. Your eyes were watering and tears streamed down your face, it was awful. But, soon you were able to cough up whatever was stuck in your throat.

You pulled away from your arm and look down to see more lilac petals, but you weren’t even near the lilac this time. Maybe this needed more research. But first, you decided to look up a potion for coughing fits. Even if it didn’t stop them completely, it should help make it less terrible to experience. You wiped off your face and got up from the floor. You checked to see if Ienzo had messaged you back.

[Ienzo] 3:23 pm :D <--- me when I finish my data entry.

[Ienzo] 3:24 pm Oh no, Even saw me and yelled at me.

[Ienzo] 3:26 pm Wait I’m an adult. I can message whoever I want.

You took in some deep breaths and typed back.

[Y/N] 3:30 pm You are an adult!

[Ienzo] 3:32 pm Thank you :D

You smiled down at your phone and closed out of the messenger and went to the counter to clean the surface. Didn’t want to spread germs.

Drowning in the Distance | Chapter XXX

✩‌ haechan ‌x‌ ‌fem!reader‌ ‌|‌ terminal illness au! series ✩

SUMMARY‌ ‌⇾‌ confined to a life of detachment from the only people on earth who understand them, the patients of saint evangeline’s can only watch as those around them drown in themselves, in more ways than one, while they themselves drown, in a much more literal sense. haechan is tired, tired of moving from place to place with no real chance of getting better. y/n is tired too, tired of living solely for the purpose of staying alive. maybe, just maybe, despite the space that separates them, they can guide each other to a life worth living.

WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ ongoing theme of terminal illness (cystic fibrosis); talk of christianity, the afterlife, heaven/hell, death; ongoing mention of surgeries, scars, medications, drug trials etc.

CHAPTER WORD COUNT ⇾‌ 779

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

XXX | Donghyuck

✩‌

-

TEN MONTHS LATER

 -

The speaker in the airport terminal crackles to life, a muffled voice breaking through the morning chatter and the suitcase wheels clunking over the tiled floor. I pull out one of my earbuds to hear the voice, worried about a gate change and having to sprint cross-airport with a pair of shitty lungs.

“Your attention please. All passengers for Swed-Air flight 066 to Stockholm...” I put my earbud back in. That’s not my flight. I’m not going to Sweden until December.

 Settling back into the armchair, I pull up YouTube for the millionth time, making my way, as usual, to Y/N’s latest video. If YouTube kept track of individual views, the police definitely would have been sent to my house by now, I’d seem like such a stalker. But I don’t care, because this video is about us. And when I press play, she tells our story.

“Human touch. Our first form of communication.” She says, her voice loud and clear. She takes a deep breath, her new lungs working wonderfully. That breath is my favourite part of the whole video. There’s no struggle. No wheezing. It’s perfect and smooth. Effortless. “Safety, security, comfort, all in the gentle caress of a finger, or the brush of lips on a soft cheek.” She says, and I look up from my iPad to the crowded airport around me, people coming and going, heavy bags in tow, but even so, she’s right. From the long hugs at arrival, to the reassuring hands on shoulders in the security line, even a young couple, arms around each other, waiting at the gate, touch is everywhere. “We need that touch from the one we love, almost as much as we need air to breathe. I never understood the importance of touch, his touch… until I couldn’t have it.” I can see her. Five feet away from me, that night at the pool, walking to see the lights, on the other side of the glass that last night, always that longing between us to close the gap. I pause the video just to take her in. She looks… so much better than I ever saw her in person. No portable oxygen. No dark circles under her eyes. She was always beautiful to me, but now she is free. She is alive. 

Every single day I still find myself wishing I hadn’t left, reliving the moment of walking away, my legs like cement blocks, being pulled like a magnet back to her window. I think that pull, that hurt, will always be there, but all I have to do is see her like this to know it was worth it a million times over. A notification appears on my screen from her app, telling me to take my midmorning meds. I smile at the dancing pill bottle emoji. It’s like a portable Y/N that I always have with me, looking over my shoulder, reminding me to do my treatments. Reminding me of the importance of more time.

“You ready to go, man?” Johnny says, nudging me as they open the door to start loading the plane to Brazil. I give him a big smile, down my meds dry, and slide my pillbox back into my backpack, zipping it up.

“Born ready.” I’m finally going to see the places I’ve dreamed of. I have a check-up in every city, which was one of three conditions my mum put in place before letting me go. The other two were simple. I have to send her as many pictures as possible, and Skype her every Monday evening, no matter what. Aside from that, I can finally live my life how I want. And, for once, that includes fighting right alongside her.

We’ve finally found our common ground.

 I stand, taking a deep breath as I pull the strap of my portable oxygen farther up on my thin shoulder.  But the breath gets caught in my throat almost as soon as I inhale. Because through all the airport chatter and chaos, just above the rattling of the mucus in my lungs, I hear my favourite sound in the world.

Her laugh.

It tinkles like bells, and I pull out my phone immediately, certain I’ve left the video playing in my pocket. But the screen is dark, and the sound isn’t tinny or distant. It’s just a few feet away. My legs know I should just go, board my flight, keep moving. But my eyes are already searching. I have to know. It takes me about six seconds to spot her, and I’m not even surprised that when I do, her eyes are already on mine.

 Y/N was always the one to find me first.

The mean girl on tic tok 🥲and me ranting like the baby I am 😂

Today the weirdest thing happened. I was scrolling through TikTok and I saw this random live video and some girl was going on about her past and I wasn’t really listening because I had just scrolled and the image she had viewing was this checklist for whatever her mental disability was and having that with them myself all I saw was how the list was telling you what you can and cannot do and then what’s gonna happen to you at 30 statistically and it was all quite depressing and utter bullshit and I disagreed with it so I thought to encourage her by saying you need to stop limiting yourself, and that you’re capable of everything and anything I thought this was quite uplifting, but not only did she cussed me out after reading the comment she called me an ablest which I had to look up and then verbally told me she was going to block me as I was typing to ask what she meant and I was thusly blocked before finishing the question . Having quite a couple of mental disabilities( can you tell?) myself this perplexed me to the point where I’m so disturbed by it but I had to actually write in a blog so as not to disturb the elderly on my Facebook , like what the hell is wrong with people? Since when did telling people that they are capable of way more than whatever a stupid post says prejudice? She’s probably mad because she wrote it. But the level of angry for that one sentence that she took out of context ?  I don’t even know what context she was taking it in. It hurt I was sincerely trying to be optimistic and uplifting. god I fucking suck at that.

You could have 1 million different mental disabilities but the moment you put yourself in a tiny box with little checkmarks is the moment you’re just letting everyone else win.

I had to take years of life to remind myself that it’s everyone else telling me it’s not possible that instilled fear in me and the fear is our only true limiter . If that’s prejudice against mental illness then fuck I guess I hate myself by trying to love myself and to hell with that there literally no logic in any of it . I decided to go to class and start an entire business this coming year because I finally removed one of the biggest influences in my life who made me afraid to try anything, and I realize it was just other peoples voices and fears I was hearing that may be hold back.  Everyone’s so fucking afraid. Of everything.

Now we have an entire new generation of youngsters checking the checkboxes on how they’re mentally unstable and then glamorizing it and sharing it with each other, which is just reinforcing these things that are limiting themselves and half the time hogwash they found by some lady selling mineral water for 50 bucks and telling you to eat clay. I don’t understand it’s so unhealthy.

It is one thing to accept our “mental illnesses, “and I say that with quotations because everybody has them , I don’t consider most of them illnesses at all .  If you’re hyperactive at all, now you’re liable ADHD..  if you’re sad at all now you’re marked with depression.  So what kind of fucking robot is the template of a normal person? Oh wait, there is no such thing only the ideal of a normal person according to what? I’m not saying these things don’t exist but nature is the great equalizer and almost every bad trait a person has is met with an equally good one.

You learn about yourself you find what you believe to be your limitations and then you find a way to put push past them to the point where you’re comfortable. Sometimes there’s limitations that you put there yourself and they make you happy and that’s OK . Like maybe you hate being around people and you actually are happier being alone that’s awesome you found out that that’s a thing for you. That’s OK you don’t have to force yourself to hang out with people! Guess what your still a normal human being.

…. but when you’re making yourself miserable  of these quirks you supposedly have , you need to ask yourself, is it really a quirk or am I letting somebody put me in a box and following someone else’s version of me?

Say you’re an introvert, but you’re absolutely miserable and lonely . You envy others who go to parties and hang with the crowd.

Are you really an introvert or are you just nervous around people because you don’t know how to interact comfortably? Is there a solution to learn how to interact comfortably? Is it the type of people you’re trying to socialize with the issue? Maybe it’s a triggering environment?  could be potentially the loud noise? Maybe it’s the fact that they’re all drinking beer and you grew up with an alcoholic dad and it’s a trigger ?

This is just example but most people just say oh I’m an introvert and then they hide in the room and don’t try to confront the issue and they don’t try to confront their fears and then now they’re blaming it on mental illnesses. If this person could actually narrow down, what was going on, they would be able to learn to get past it, and actually thrive, but rather they’re putting themselves in a box and just calling themselves an introvert .

People are far too complex to label them in some simplified chart like it’s their zodiac it pisses me off

and then you try to encourage one brat and they accuse you of being prejudiced against … yourself ? 🥲 I’m on the wrong timeline , in the bad place bro , that ferret that died in the particle accelerator… why ?!!

I’m not even going to tag anything from this online blog journal I don’t care if no one sees it , it’s easier to write to someone tough . I don’t really have friends anymore and the beautiful husbands away for another day so at 1 in the morning here I am

So why oh why a question for myself

Why does this tiny only a few seconds even upset ME so thoroughly?

The Relationship Houses

I was watching a video on Love is Blind on YouTube by my GWORL Brittany Simon (who you should definitely check out) and she’s exploring some really interesting conversations surrounding mental illness and relationship.

Sometimes, because we don’t know ourselves and we don’t love ourselves, we get hurt and we hurt each other. We learn through relationship the parts of ourselves we’re missing and the parts we despise.

If you’re introspective enough (and you’ve done the work and the exploration), maybe you’ve got a good enough grip on your inner faculties to understand this lesson. But some people don’t. And that’s exactly how we hurt each other.

A lot of the couples on the third season of Love is Blind seem to have unintentionally hurt each other and because a part of my brain will always be devoted to astrology I immediately started making some connections.

The 8th House. It’s the last of the relationship houses and the make-or-break of relationships. 

See, when we’re in the fifth house things are fun! Light! Romantic! Nothing is serious we’re just here to buy each other gifts and make each other feel good! 

Sixth house things get a little serious. We build a routine and our lives become more service-oriented. How can I support you? How can we build something together? 

7th House things get a little serious. Now we’re putting things in paper. Signing contracts. Rings are going on fingers. We’re in a partnership.

8th House...things get messy. And things get deep. We talk about money, finances, sex, trauma, all the dark stuff we wouldn’t show anyone. This is when people get scared. When people back out. We start to see the sides of our partners that we hadn’t seen before; the shadows and the ways in which they mirror our darkest selves right back to us. Not every relationship survives the 8th house. Things get murky here...and it takes radical honesty, emotional resilience, and groundedness to make it through. 

On the other side is the 9th house! Transmutation! From the depths we transform, we alchemize, and we realize. Our lessons become gateways to new ways of seeing ourselves and the world and our partners. It just takes the ultimate theme of the 8th house; trust. Without trust we cannot build relationships. Trust is safety. Trust is communication. Trust is intimacy. 

You can’t be scared of your own 8th House. And you can’t be scared of your partner’s! The only way you’ll be able to transmute is as a team. Together.

This is the journey of the relationship houses...at least one interpretation! 

That’s all for today folks!

I don't mind, I just like talking to you anyways and this is a good excuse 🙃 first things first I'm in my mom's place, so I'm almost 100km away from where I live and I thought would be a good idea to open up Tinder and see if I could match with some interesting people now so basically I have two gossips about my midnight Tinder matches.

First one was with this really sweet guy that lives in my city. He's a hella sportist and even participates on jiu-jitsu championships. You know those quiet math guys that don't usually talk much but they are very talkative when it comes to his interests and this hard shell is only to protect a big warm heart? Is him. And the fact that it only took me a a couple of DAYS to get so close of him bothered and scared me a lot. Right now, we're in a video call and he keeps saying that I'm pretty and that he's falling in love with me and I can see, by the way he looks at me, that it trully might have something going on.

I don't know, I feel a little scared about it, not gonna lie, but I assume I'm intrigued as well as I want to try out and see where it goes but is all so unsure...

This second gossip is about some friends of mine from here. They used to date for a long time, I met them with already two years of relationship on their backs so, this year they would be like, 6 years together. As I said, I was at Tinder and I saw this profile with a picture I've seen before. I went to this friend Insta and the picture was there, same name, age, place, everything was the same. I was gagged but, anyway, brushed it off because it might be a fake profile or maybe they were seeking for someone to spicy up their relationship, I don't know, I was trying to create an excuse for why was him there that wasn't because he was cheating.

Obviously, I swiped right on him because, if he was really cheating, he would know I saw him and I knew what he was doing. But that left me really unsettled, so I went to Insta again. I checked both his and hers profiles and they weren't following each other anymore, all their cute photos with texts celebrating their birthdays were also gone... Was like they were never together. I even checked her TikTok videos and, apparently, she had returned to her parents house after a year living with him.

They had broke up and I heard about it from Tinder 🤡

To add up: he just text me today, while I was in call with this new guy and legit asked about a hook-up. Like a good slut, I said he could pass by with drinks and drugs and we would party and kiss like good friends do 🙃 so I guess this will have more scenes to come. And I hope I can kiss her as a friend too, they're both hot

this is so wild lmFAOooo mainly the second part but damn look at you go??? mfs fallin in love w you n shit??? goals???? i keep telling myself ill never stoop as low as to download tinder bc too many straight people but honestly all the lgbt focused dating apps be kinda dry i might as well 😭😭 doesnt help that i usually leave convos on read bc they bore me easily or just take too much effort... oof. but i digress. why are you so scared of where things are going w your tinder match? lmfao right now as in as you type this?? does he know youre gossiping abt him to a random australian online 😭😭

as for the second part at least theres no cheating, but if you kiss them separately when they seem to have broken up on bad enough terms to wipe it all i feel like thatd cause drama... but if youre not super close w them and just wanna shitstir, im not gonna deter you lmFAOoo live ur hoe life bestie. wish that were me (i say, with like 37 bitches in my dms i ghosted bc i ran out of things to say to them and they didnt interest me enough to ask to meet SDFGSDFKHSDFH)

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

cat.

jason todd, eventually x gender neutral reader. 1,388 words. notes: this is part one of i don't even know how many and i cannot believe how wildly out of hand this got. this was a 500 word idea and it's gonna be at least three parts someone help (thanks to @angelz-dust for being so patient with me and encouraging on this!!! would never have made it out of the drafts without you <3) warnings: danger to kids, mention of a couple arguing, animal illness (spoiler alert: it'll be fine i Promise), a little (lot) different than my usual edit: part two here!

"let me be perfectly clear: if you even think about showing back up here, i will know, and i will make your life a living hell until i finally put you out of your misery. understood?"

"yes! yeah man i get it. understood."

"then i'd get going, if i were you." the man scrambled to his feet and bolted off across the playground, leaving jason to shout after him. "and warn any buddies you might have, too!"

he picked up the discarded knife and pocketed it. he then turned around slowly, hands visibly empty in a careful attempt not to scare the two kids behind him- well, careful not to make it worse, anyway. they, understandably, seemed a little shaken already.

"are you both alright?" he asked softly, slouching just a little to seem as harmless as possible.

probably would have been easier if they hadn't just watched him threaten someone.

the older kid- probably fifteen, if jason had to place a bet- nodded silently before glancing back at the little girl he was still hovering in front of protectively, who was just... staring.

she couldn't have been older than six.

"jazz?" the boy asked, voice tight. "are you hurt?"

he was ignored. "are you superman?"

the question, innocent and earnest and a little timid, made jason laugh. "not quite, kiddo."

she tilted her head like a curious puppy, furrowing her brow. "why are you wearing a jacket?"

jason glanced up at the boy, who seemed comforted by her mini interrogation. good.

talking was a good sign, too, so jason crouched down to meet her at eye level.

"because it gets cold out here!" he said, raising his hands up with a small wiggle of his fingers. "gloves, too."

"well, duh," jazz said with a giggle- a win, jason thought. "no fingerprints."

he nodded. "also helpful."

"and the hat to hide your face!" she said proudly, stepping forward a little to point at his helmet.

"wow, you've got the whole thing figured out, huh?"

"mhm! my friend ricky loves batman and his friends. he talks about batman and nightwing and spoiler and robin and red robin and red hood and batgirl all the time! they hide their faces like you, ricky thinks it's because of bad guys."

"they're kinda cool, huh?"

"nightwing's my favorite," she said firmly, as though it was something she had considered at great length and was fully prepared to defend.

"not red hood?" jason smacked a hand to his chest in mock hurt, shifting back dramatically. "i'm crushed, truly."

"no, ricky says red hood used to be an alien, but then got bored and now he annoys batman for fun instead. that sounds mean."

...well, okay, maybe he did annoy the big guy for fun a little. "that's an interesting theory, all right."

"ricky's got all kinds of theories. he thinks batman's a robot-" jason snorted- "and that nightwing was like pinochle."

"you mean pinocchio," the boy corrected quietly. "pinochle's what gramma plays."

"pinocchio!" she exlaimed, with a "ch" sound in the middle that made jason smile. "a doll that got turned human. that's how he does all the flips and stuff, he's got magic."

"hm, ricky seems like an interesting guy," jason said thoughtfully, making a big show of rubbing the chin of his helmet. "what do y-"

he was cut off by a loud, insistent meow, and jazz gasping even louder before taking off to the bushes.

"w- hey, don't rush off like that!" he said, shooting up off the ground as the boy sighed.

"there's this cat that she's been taking care of," he explained quietly. "the thing's got attitude for days but i think it's sick or something. jasmine's been bringing it little bits of tuna and chicken, but it's not like we can get it to a vet."

jason hummed. "why do you think it's sick?"

"it's thin, with its eyes all watery and sunk."

"might just be malnourished," he muttered.

"she's been trying to find it a home, y'know."

there was a wink-wink-nudge-nudge quality to the kid's voice that did not go unnoticed.

on one hand, it was good to hear something other than fear from him, but on the other... "what part of the tactical armor makes you think i'm an option?"

"the part where you just stuck around to check on us instead of running after that guy."

okay. maybe the quiet thing hadn't been so bad. the cocky 'amateur psychologist' thing was a little grating.

"you the real red hood?" the kid asked suddenly, shaking jason from his internal grumbling.

"what do you think?"

"i think you just saved our lives, and i wanna know who i'm thanking."

jason turned to him with a flourish. "red hood, baby saver extraordinaire. at your service."

"baby- dude, i'm seventeen!"

okay, so he would have lost his bet. "noted. still a baby, trust me."

"what are you under there, twenty something? whatever, grandpa."

jason chuckled, turning back to watch jasmine pet a small cat under one of the yellow lights littering the park. "you did well, looking out for her with that guy. you got a name?"

he scoffed. "would've been better if i'd kicked him between the legs right when he opened his mouth, instead of letting him get started on the whole 'what're you kids doing out so late?' bit," he muttered darkly, pausing for a moment before answering. "my name's jordan."

"well, jordan, what are you guys doing out so late?"

"mom works nights, and the neighbors were fighting. it was loud enough to wake jazz up, and it wasn't the kind of thing she needed to hear. i figured a trip to see her cat would be less awful than hearing them call each other things i wouldn't even call my friends." the breeze picked up, rustling the trees and catching on jason's jacket. "and then the asshole with the knife decided to make a bad night worse."

"is jazz your sister?"

"yeah, she's a good kid," jordan said, fond and warm. "sorry about the whole ricky thing, though. he's obsessed with those vigilante conspiracy videos and tells her all about them at school."

"no, no, it's fine. i can't wait to tell wing about his new origin story, he'll love that."

jasmine suddenly came bounding back towards them, grabbing their hands and yanking them to follow her. "c'mon, you need to meet cat!"

"you call it cat?"

jordan bristled subtly. "is there a problem with that, red?"

"no, no, it's an appropriate name. just making sure." jason waved his spare hand at his head. "helmet makes me hear things sometimes."

jordan opened his mouth, but his sister plowed right over whatever he was going to say, pulling on jason's hand again. "cat, meet... what's your name?"

"red hood."

"you can't be red hood!" she whirled around, indignantly putting her hands on her hips. "there's already a red hood in gotham. besides, you're not even wearing a hood, so it doesn't fit anyway."

jason turned his head to jordan, who was smiling- a good sign, but probably a bad omen for whatever he was about to say. "she's right, man. it's not a hood."

"tough crowd," jason muttered. "uh... then you can call me, uh-"

"bucket!" jasmine suggested happily, tapping his helmet. "because this looks like a bucket."

if there was one thing vigilantism had taught him, it was that sometimes you actually do need to pick your battles. this...

this was not worth fighting.

"sure, fine, whatever. hi, cat, i'm red bucket." he turned away from the kids- both of whom looked entirely too happy about the whole 'bucket' thing, he thought- and crouched down to finally look at the cat.

it did look a little sick, actually.

it was gray, and thin, and-

and now it was headbutting his knee like it was trying to push him over.

"cat likes you!" jazz cheered.

"sure does," jordan said pointedly. "isn't that interesting?"

jason opened his mouth, but his snarky comment died in his throat when the cat settled down right in front of him and blinked slowly up at him with a sweet tilt to its head.

...shit.

just- shit.

he sighed, standing up and looking back to jordan and his stupid, entirely-too-pleased-with-himself grin. "so, jazz," jason grumbled reluctantly, "where does cat live?"

reaction ; 둘

✎ᝰ┆r : having an idol s/o

✎ᝰ┆fluff ; warnings : none

thank you to the kind soul who helped me out by requesting since i have no ideas 😭😭 I LOVE YOU 😭😭

also these gifs looks more coordinated i think ill start using these instead 🤩

+ i kinda got overboard with baekseung for some reason?? 😨

wish.

i feel like you two would meet via a mutual friend

like a mutual idol friend would introduce the two of you to each other and you'd hit it off and start talking

okay anyways, he would be so proud of you ngl

but as proud as he is he'll be so worried about you because he knows your competitive the industry is

he'll call you or text you during meal times to check up on you to see if you're eating

even if you're dieting he'd make sure you had enough so you won't faint while performing

anyways let's say you have to keep your relationship a secret

it'd absolutely pain him not to be able to hang out in public with you

but at the same time it's for both your career so sacrifices have to be made

so while you have private dates he'd try to lay off anything else he has to do for you and just company you

sigh tbh it would pain him not to wear couple items with you

but once y'all go public 🤩

he'd start wearing all those couple matchy things

and he'd also tweet stuff like ' please support us ' etc.

but overall i do think that he'd prefer getting a girlfriend that isn't a celebrity

keum.

keumdong 🤩

i feel like y'all would meet at like a dance sort of content (like dancing high or 1million dance studio)

so like if you're a singer uhh 😨

like i see him with an idol that's like a main dancer

someone who shares the same passion and interest as him

anyways keumdong

i feel like he'd know all your schedules and would text you after just to ask how it went

he would also send you many dance videos and you would do the same

you two would just help each other even if you're not face to face

tbh he wouldn't mind and would wear subtle matching items like earrings

like he wouldn't care at all 💀

anyways if you're dating in secret

he'd definitely try his best to keep the relationship but like compared to wish he would have his dates outside during night time where there isn't as many people

once your relationship goes public

he'd just bring you anywhere and he'd stop caring tbh

even if you're idols you deserve your own life

so he'd just stop caring and go out with you

he'd be super protective of you when someone says something about your relationship

sigh he's just be more protective about you if you're an idol

but overall he'd definitely prefer a non-celeb s/o

mu.

omg tbh i don't see mu with an idol s/o?

like i really don't see it

but okay let's imagine

i think you'd two be friends prior to debut

so you'd like kinda be known to be friends (like moonbin and sinb)

so like tbh fans who kinda speculate some shit is going on but you'll just play it off as you're just close friends 🤩

anyways he would watch your performance,, like literally every single one even if he's busy

and he'd compliment you on how pretty you were and how well you've done

and he'd tell you to rest and not to overwork yourself 😭

he would also promote your new song on his solo vlives and tbh it'd be so cute

anyways i think the both of you would have many chances to interact

like variety shows 🤩

and he'd be extra caring towards you but you know say it's because of your friendship 🤩

anyways you'd just date privately but like it's just so out there but people just brush it off as best friends 💀

once it's public i think many people will support it since you were previous friends even before debut

kinda expected

but anyways he can finally show more skinship towards you and talk about how much he loves you openly 🤩

but overall still would prefer a non-celeb s/o

a-min.

i heard some idols uses like the inkigayo sandwich to exchange phone numbers

yes i think he'll stuff his phone number in there and get a staff to hand it to you just because you were pretty 🤩

and tbh it'd be smart because it'll attract your attention and you'll begin to start talking and end up as a couple

anyways man's would promote you better than your company

he'd be like ' the song im currently obsessed with is (...) you should check it out! '

it'll be so subtle no one suspected a thing

and ngl he'll probably have a fan acc for you 💀

and he'll probably end up being known as your fanboy after 💀

he'll compliment you a lot public or not 🤩

anyways despite doing so much and hinting so much your relationship would still be private

like fans would be pretty sus of the both of you but it's your lives not theirs 🤩

anyways once you go public i think you would go on variety shows together quite often

it'd be cute

ngl i do see him with an idol s/o like compared to a non-celeb

since he can relate to them and stuff and just talk about their stresses together 🤩

baekseung.

i think you'd be going to the same school, in the same class and that's how met

maybe you've already debuted when you met or maybe you're just trainees then but idk man whatever it is y'all would be friends

and then yes relationship

anyways mans would be so proud of you and always bragging about you to the other members

the other members would end up being so sick of hearing him brag about you and tell you about it just so you could reprimand him and have it keep it on the low 💀

he would keep up with your variety show and especially aegyos so he can tease you about it 💀

just do the same to him so he would stop doing it once he realizes how shitty that feels

anyways like i said in the boyfriend series y'all would gossip together and it will be the same

except you have a lot more to gossip about 🤩

you'll talk about the entertainment industry, idols and your companies etc.

i would think that he would prefer to keep your relationship private and intimate so he'd prefer not to publicize it + do his best to keep the relationship a secret

even if it's made public, he'd act as if he doesn't know you during events that will make some fans think that you're having a fight but in reality you're doing well

he just prefers to do all the couple things in private you know

but like i think he'd prefer a non-celeb s/o too

ayden.

i have a feeling that if ayden was to fall for an idol, it would be an idol from his own company aka c9

like you'd probably meet when you guys were still trainees and have probably trained with each other before debut

and like so you'd become friends and eventually develop feelings for each other and you know date

to be honest i feel like as an idol he'd be a lot more low-key in front of everyone even his own members

to the point that sometimes they're wondering if you guys have broken up but no he was just low-key

he'd just quietly sit before he has to perform watching your performance as a source of motivation which is kinda cute💀

like he would work harder because of you and like there'll be a friendly competition between the two of you just to see who's better

since your relationship is so low-key no one would know about your relationship except for members 🤩

tbh the only time they'd find out would be when you personally decide to announce it yourself

like it'd be as unexpected as the daniel × jihyo pairing

overall i feel like he wouldn't mind if his s/o is an idol or not, as long as they have a mutual liking and understanding then it's fine

yewang.

i think you guys would meet by like a singing programme

like a duet special stage 🤩

anyways he would be extremely polite when you first met and you'd take a liking towards him

then you'd end up hanging out outside of your schedule and eventually end up dating

anyways he would stare at you a lot during like programmes where you meet each other

like he wouldn't care and just stare at you 🤩

during like award shows he'll text you and be like ' you look beautiful today '

tbh he would stare at you do much that fans would start to speculate something is going on between the both of you

like he wants to talk to you so bad but the fans just makes it hard

so he ends up publicizing your relationship to go out freely with you 🤩

but to be honest he would prefer an idol s/o

since he'd prefer sharing the same passion + having more common topics to talk about

jeff.

FINALLY JEFFF

alright to be honest he's another one i don't see having an idol s/o💀

like you two were probably friends before you were trainees and ended up debuting

and like somewhere in between you fell for each other and got into a romantic relationship

kinda like mu except you keep your friendship low-key so not many people knew you two were friends

till like past photos resurfaced

anyways i think he'd just be extra caring knowing that you're an idol

since there are many risk factors of being an idol

like wish tbh he'd text you a lot checking if you've eaten and if you're feeling okay in case you overwork yourself

and he'll restrain himself from looking at you too much just in case dating rumors end up surfacing

after all your career is more important considering how hard you've worked to be an idol

he'd only publicize it once dispatch catch you guys

but i doubt that'll happen💀

anyways he would have a personal vlive after telling fans to continue supporting the both of you despite the news

overall, he'd prefer a non-celeb s/o

wow this reaction took long to complete HAHAH

can you please write a fic where youre aizawas' wife and you're pregnant with twins, and while he's in the middle of teaching at UA you go into labor and you call him, and he leaves in the middle of their class, (the class dosen't know he's married and obviously dosen't know he's about to become a father) and the class thinks that something's seriously wrong because they saw panic on his face for a slight second when he got the call, so they end up following him to the hospital only to see him sniling and holding two newborn babies that look just like him and the woman who is on the hospital bed (you) and theyre in shock when they find out that you're his wife and those are his kids, but what shocks them most is the big smile on his face when he was holding his babies 🥺 idk i thought it would be cute

“did he steal two babies?”

pairing: shouta aizawa x female reader

cw: language, fluff

word count: 3000+

a/n: i live for domestic one shots, i might write some more depending on how i’m feeling, hope you guys like this have a happy new years eve people, the stupid tags arent working so if you could reblog it it would mean a lot 

summary: in which you’re aizawa’s secret wife, aizawa gets a call in the middle of class that you’re going into labor and eventually leaves, the class being noisy pricks follows him to a hospital, feeling worried they continue to follow until they see him holding two babies with a smile at his new family

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

Eight months, eight full fucking months of carrying Aizawa’s little spawns. Having spent your last term of pregnancy on bed rest, it had been the worst term ever, you would rather have taken the puking up last nights dinner then staying in bed. Even Aizawa had gotten annoyed with how frustrated you had got, you craved how he could get up and leave for work. You hadn’t gone into work since your maternity leave started and you were annoyed, being a pro hero it had been worse.

As soon as you told the agency you were pregnant, you were desk bound, unable to go on patrols. It was fucking annoying and you hated every second of it, and all Aizawa could do was smirk at your frustration. “I’m due any day now, just leave work and stay with me.” You plead grabbing the material from his neck, you wanted him to hold you. You already felt gross staying in bed 24/7 but now you didn’t have your husband beside you 24/7.

“Kitten, this is my last day, I’ll spend the rest of the pregnancy with you.” You were grouchy letting go of him and turning your head to face away for him. “Y/n.”

He tried to gain your attention but ignored him, “you should’ve gotten pregnant as well you’d understand.”

He raised an eyebrow, shaking his head as he crept his arms around your body, his hand resting on the baby bump. You shuffled closer to his body, before turning your head to see him softly rubbing back and forth across the bump.

“Be patient, my love.” It was a whisper which brought you comfort.

“If you’re not home by 4pm then I’m locking you out of the house.” You threaten.

He looks down at you with your fiery eyes, “sure you are.” He kisses the top of your head; you pout wanting a proper kiss. He looks at how perfect you looked with his babies, when you both found out you were having twins, the small apartment you had called home since dating. Had gone and a house in the country close enough to UA and still for you to do pro hero work was where the both of you had situated.

Your relationship have been very secretive, a small wedding ceremony which had been perfect with your family and friends. Of course people had noticed you had gone MIA but one day you’d come out and tell the world how you and Aizawa were an inseparable family.

He moved to capture your lips, grabbing his face you wanted to just drag him back to bed. But he quickly moved out of your grip, “patience Y/n.”

“Shouta.” You whine like a child would.

“Seems like ill be raising three babies now.” He mocked putting the scarf around his yellow goggles.

“I hope you break your goggles.” You huff again, he doesn’t speak only kissing your temple after the small peck he had given to your lips.

He starts to walk out the bedroom, your wedding photo situated on the cabinet. You were perfect back then and now with his kids inside of you, you became somehow even more perfect. He had never thought that the woman he had met all those years ago, who had showed of her quirk to the whole world would be the one he fell in love with.

He looked back at you, you were grumpy due to hormones but once the babies were out you knew you’d go back to being yourself (and both of you could fuck properly, but that was just a bonus.)

“Make sure to walk around the house.” He warns.

It was your turn to raise an eyebrow, “and what if I don’t, will you come home early?” Your extra clinginess melted his insides, he knew how bored your loud self was and being cooped up inside had took a toll on you.

“I’ll come home early.” The sound of your squeal lifted his spirits, it was adorable, and he loved how easily your mood changed. Your face was full, and you had something to look forward too as he left the room.

The day for Aizawa had been smooth sailing, having asked to leave at 2pm and being able to, he had been with the students whilst they were training. He could imagine teaching his kids everything to do with this world, he couldn’t wait for his own leave, to spend time with his future babies but also with his loving wife.

The sound of Bakugo shouting was something else he had gotten used to; how could a 16-year-old boy be louder than the babies he had heard on those stupid pregnancy videos you made him watch. You had shown him a woman giving birth and to say it was the weirdest thing he’s ever seen; he’d happily watch stuff go inside of you but the other way round was another issue.

He stood watching over them, they had gotten a lot stronger in the months and the events that had occurred. It was another reason for the secrecy, having to hide your relationship to prevent disaster from happening. He watched the time tick away; another two more hours and he could leave and spend the rest of the trimester with you.

The sound of running caught his ears, he looked up and saw Principle Nezu walking towards him. “Agh Aizawa, we got a call from your wife’s mother.”

He hadn’t checked his phone, but if your mother had been calling it must’ve been something serious, the class had noticed the principle and had gotten quiet even Bakugo who wanted to know why the principle was here.

“Finally, you answered, she’s going into labour.” He heard on the other liner, he was in shock, his phone dropping to the side.

“Sh…She what?” It was early, of course you both knew about early pregnancies but this he had just spoken you a couple hours ago and now here you were about to go into labour.

“In labour, her water broke whilst I came to see her.” He could hear you screaming on the other side, how you must’ve been in pain, he knew you had been dilated a couple days ago but this, this was sooner than he had expected.

Nezu got the hint that something had happened and so had the class, a flash of worry across Aizawa’s face. “We’ll send the students back to the dorms.” He was calm and Aizawa quickly rushed out of the gym, leaving nothing else to say. He needed to make it to the hospital as quick as he could, in an instant he called your mother.

“Is she okay?” He had ran outside going to his car to quickly rush to the hospital.

He heard screaming which he assumed was you, “she’s grouchy…”

Before he could hear the rest of what your mother said, he heard you shout, “if that’s my idiot of a husband tell him to get to the fucking hospital.” It was a wail and he regretted not taking the day off.

“Y/n.” Her mother scowled, “we’re at the hospital, I’ll text you the room.” Is all her mother said before hanging up. Aizawa was stressed to say the least but what he hadn’t seen through the chaos was class 1A following him.

The class had seen the worry and panic before he jolted out of the room, “you all are dismissed for the day.” Nezu spoke before leaving.

“What do you think happened?” Momo questioned worried.

“He seemed in a hurry; it was probably something important.” Kirishima retorted back.

The class watched him on the phone the question of ‘is she okay?’ being heard. “Who do you think he’s talking about?” Mina asked.

“Why do you lot care so much?” Bakugo angrily said pissed that training had been cut early.

“He’s our teacher, what if something bad happened Kacchan.” Midoriya answered but it just fuelled Bakugo’s anger.

“We should follow him.” Denki suggested. “It might be serious and if people need help, we can help.”

They nodded, all assuming it had something to do with hero work, seeing Aizawa in his car, they started to follow him on foot, “we should’ve taken one of the buses.” Bakugo scowled following.

“We cant drive.” Kirishima muttered back.

Bakugo huffed following them all on the long walk, it was easy enough to keep following due to the mass traffic occurring. Aizawa having got the room number, he didn’t care for his surroundings, his eyes fixated on the road.

He finally saw the sign for the hospital and breathed out hoping you hadn’t gotten into labour yet. “Why is he at a hospital?” Ururaka questioned, “do you think someone got hurt?”

“Maybe we should go back.” Momo said not wanting to intrude on something that could have no villainous intent.

“Shut up extra’s, we’re already here.” Bakugo muttered walking to the entrance, they all followed the angry boy who glared at the children coming out of that ward.

“When did you care about the injured?” Kirishima questioned the blond.

“I don’t, you dragged me with you so now we’re staying.” For one thing the boy was persistent.

Across the hospital, Aizawa had ran to the room and saw your eyes filled with fury, your mother holding your hand as he could see how much pain you were in. “Look what the cat dragged in.” You scowled in pain.

“You can take over now.” Is all her mother said, going outside and waiting. He took her place and in an instance your hands had grabbed his.

“You must be the husband, I��ll be helping your wife, can you wear these?” The doctor spoke passing the blue overall type to keep his clothes covered, Aizawa obliged still holding your hand. “Mrs Aizawa you’re about 9cm dilated once you get to 10cm I’m going to tell you to push, okay?”

You were breathless and felt dreary, it would’ve been fine if it wasn’t for the fact you were having twins. You knew you’d go through even more pain then normal and in that moment felt scared.

“Hey kitten, look at me, you’ll do amazing.” Aizawa tried to be encouraging but even he was scared for all three of you.

“It hurts.” You tried to hide the tears, but it mixed in with the sweat.

“I know kitten, but you can grab onto me as hard as you want.” He smiles moving the strands of hair away from your sweaty forehead.

“10cm’s.” One of the nurses spoke out, the doctor nodded before looking at the angry you and calm husband.

“Mrs Aizawa you need to start pushing.” The pain was excruciating, you tried to push your grip on Aizawa’s hands becoming tighter. It was the worst pain you’d gone through and you’d been stabbed before.

Aizawa gave words of encouragement but all you wanted to do was tell him to shut up, tears cascaded down your face whilst pushing. “I see a head.” The doctor spoke, “keep pushing.”

You pushed a long with what the nurses had told you, in time to make sure you weren’t just randomly pushing. Aizawa was the first to see it, first to see the baby come out, it was quiet before wailing out loud, it was his turn to cry. The baby being placed on your chest before the doctor continued, “one more push, let’s get the other one out.”

You felt the first baby on your ski grabbing your neck as you kept on pushing, “I don’t want too.” You cried out but seeing Aizawa and how he looked at the baby on your chest you knew you needed too.

“Come on kitten, one more push.” He spoke a loud, you suppresses the tears before feeling another hard push come and the head of another baby erupt out of you. The doctor but the second baby on your chest, both their crying having stopped.

They stayed on you, you let go of Aizawas hand as the doctor told him he could cut the umbilical cord, he happily obliged before looking at the two babies that you both had created. They were smaller then normal and there eyes were tightly shut clinging onto their new mother.

“We need to weigh and clean them.” The doctor spoke as two nurses took the babies ready to put tags on them, the oldest had been a boy and the youngest a girl. You missed there touch and hold wanting to hold them again but watching them being taken out.

“We did it.” You spoke sleepily as you felt yourself being cleaned up and ready to be moved into another room.

“Yeah, we did.” Aizawa spoke going in to kiss your temple, “we’re parents.”

Tears brimmed his eyes; this normal dry flat facial features had become happier and all he could think about was how you looked with his two children. How he had gotten a family that he had never expected to have had.

Being moved to a different room, Aizawa followed sitting on the chair beside you. You saw the two babies come back to you both, in an instance they were placed back into your arms. “You can hold them?”

You had seen Aizawa’s hesitance to even touch the babies, but he knew how to do it and with ease they both were situated in his arms. You could hear your mother outside, she seemed to be talking to some people, but you ignored it watching at how Aizawa’s eyes welled up at the two babies.

“Where are my grandchildren?” Your mother spoke a loud before having heart eyes at how Aizawa was holding your babies.

“Mum, please be quieter.”

“Hey, I had to handle your screams, let me be happy, they look adorable with their father.” She spoke moving to the bed.

“They really do.” You both watched him look at the two children, a tear falling from his face.

Your mother turned back to you and she smiled at you, “I’m proud of you.” You give a nod holding her hand before she speaks, “have you two got any na…”

Before she could continue you hear the door open with the doctor coming in, “it seems you two have more visitors.”

You were both confused on the matter, nobody really knew you had gone into pregnancy except your parents and his and your father was still at work whilst his parents were out of town. It was unexpected but your eyes widen when you see the group of 16-year olds.

“They were wondering around the hospital.” The doctor speaks, Aizawa hadn’t noticed his students, but you and your mother had.

The kids were in shock at seeing a pro hero in a hospital bed but there eyes went to Aizawa’s he had been looking at his babies, unaware of his surroundings.

Nobody spoke instead just watching Aizawa interact with the two new-born babies, a smile placed on his normal flat self. “Did he steal two babies?” You hear one of them whisper, you instantly begin to speak after that.

“Shouta.” You whisper.

“Yeah.” He was so out of dazed but once he turns to face them all, he’s in shock as well.

“I’ll leave you to handle this.” Your mother leaves not wanting to have to explain this scenario.

Aizawa was still in shock, you reach out for one of the babies, he passes you the youngest, who starts to grab at your fingers. He sits holding the boy, before the class start cascading you both in questions.

“Are they yours?”, “How do you know Pro Hero Y/n?”, “Who is she to you?”

Aizawa looks at them and then at his family, you nod a sign that he could tell them everything, “This is my wife, and these are our new kids.”

It was a simple but effective, the class in shock that there homeroom teacher who seemed to be detached had you the loving pro hero as a wife, but even more now had two kids.

“Congratulations.” They all spoke a loud. It was rehearsed and you could tell that it all came out due to shock.

“What are you doing here anyway, I thought we said go back to the dorms.” Aizawa scowled.

“Baby, it’s fine, it’s good they found out anyway, since you wont be teaching them for a bit.” You calmed the man down.

He shakes his head at how easily you calmed him down, “you’re an amazing pro hero.” Midoriya spoke a loud, you thanked him before they didn’t know what else to say.

“I’ll go call Nezu, he can get you back to UA.” Aizawa muttered handing you the other child as he left the room.

“You married Aizawa.” Mina spoke a loud everybody looked at her, “what? We were all thinking it?”

You laugh looking at them all, “yes I did.”

“And you slept with him.” Mina continued with ever more eyes growing wider.

You continued to laugh, “that is how I got pregnant.”

“What are their names?” Ururaka asked coming towards the two kids.

You sat upright, letting them have a closer look, they all came forward even Bakugo who saw children as devils spawn. They were fresh out and anew, so pure and innocent as they tugged onto your hair.

“We haven’t decided yet.” You said looking at the two kids, you notice Aizawa at the door looking at the class as they surrounded you and the babies. The way they were quieter than they had ever been around two new-borns, they spent time asking questions and looking at the two babies. Before being dragged back to UA, all smiling happily at having spent the afternoon with two new-borns.

“They look like you.” You mutter sleepily, the two babies being put to sleep on the other sides of the room. “We made them.”

“I love you.” He whispers kissing you softly, you kiss back, happily at the new family you had and Aizawa finally realised what his happiness was. You and your two babies were all he ever needed now.

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NYE part 1 – And so it begins

The long awaited reveal of what happened on New years eve, there was a lot that happened so its broken down into parts. As with all my stories, they are things I have actually done and enjoy sharing with you all for the good or the bad. If you have any questions feel free to send me an ‘ask’ and ill answer all.

I wasn’t sure of what was going to happen as I slipped a bottle of oil and a couple of small bikinis in my bag and left my home on the way to my friend’s home. It was around midday and hot and sunny, I had been invited by my friend Jib to come over to her house to sunbath during the afternoon and help her prepare a little for their NYE party that evening. I planned to go and sunbathe, get a nice tan with some tan lines I had been working on, before going home again to change before returning again in the evening. Was I really going to go all the way with her stepson Emil? I wasn’t sure, I had been turned on by a lot of the responses on Tumblr to having Emil wank his cock and cum on my as a Christmas gift, but was I really going to fuck him? I must admit I had made sure to shave and groom myself as if I was going to, what was I doing with a pack of condoms in my bag if I was only innocently going to visit my friend?

I arrived at Jibs home, I was wearing a tight white tank top and very short jean shorts with only a little thong underneath and no bra, what did it really matter? I was going to be just enjoying some afternoon sun in a little bikini anyways. My friend was already in her bikini, a little white bikini, but fully bottomed, she went to get drinks and take them to the pool while I went off to the bathroom upstairs to change. Was it intentional that I left the door open as I changed? Or was it innocently because I ‘believed’ it was only Jib and myself home and she was downstairs anyways so who could possibly seem me anyways? Again was it just innocent and normal that I undressed slowly and stood naked in front of the mirror admiring my perk boobs and dark hard nipples, my smooth pussy and legs before rubbing oil all over my naked body, I mean I would have put oil on to tan by the pool anyways, so why not do it here? Was there anything wrong with bending over and slowly pulling on my bright orange thong bikini, I mean there was no one around and I did need to bend over to retrieve it from my bag. The oil was making my pussy and nipples slightly visible through my bikini, if only I had put the bikini on before that might not have happened, oh well, Jib won’t mind, she’s seen all of me before anyways. Speaking of Jib, I could see her from the large bathroom window already seated in one of the deckchairs by the pool with a couple of glasses of wine already poured. I had better get back down there. Leaving my tank top, jean shorts and little white thong on the rack in the bathroom (where else was I supposed to keep it), I made my way down to the pool.

Jib complimented me and I complimented her as I took my seat next to her by the pool, I took a refreshing sip of wine, while feeling the heat of the sun hit my body, the oil glistening in the sunlight. We spoke a while about this and that, and the plans for the evening, Most people would arrive around 8pm, there would be drinks and canopies available, there was a few guests invited, many of whom I knew, friends of Jibs husband Oliver, all ages in their late 40s and 50s, as well as some other women Jib knew, it was to be around 30 guests in total, though their house is quite large, helps that Oliver is well off and their home in the suburbs of Bangkok. I innocently slipped in if Emil is going to be there, to which she mentioned he would as he didn’t have many friends, he was currently upstairs with a friend, but that friend wouldn’t be staying for the evening. I barely held together my surprise, he was upstairs right now? Had he seen me? Had I known he was? Was he spying on us now laying out here in the open in tiny bikinis? I couldn’t help but keep on glancing up at the windows as the conversation turned to other things, what was I even hoping to see? Did I want him to be looking or not? The sun reflecting off the windows was so bright could he be looking at me right now and I have no idea? Should I take off my top? Should I cover up? Wait did she say he was with a friend? My mind in a little bit of a stir, maybe it was the second glass of wine I had just finished off, I decided to lay back for a bit and just enjoy the sun, I would have this evening to go looking for a bit of fun, there were plenty of men coming after all.

Right that it, I need to pee, I got up, my friend had dozed off in the hot sun, as I made my way inside the house. I went past the downstairs bathroom, I mean I wanted to check on my clothes anyways, yes that’s all I was innocently doing as I made my way upstairs. Where was his room again? Did I hear something? Or did I want to hear something? Why am I walking so slowly and quietly if nothing is going on? I made my way to the top of the stairs before going down on of the corridors towards the bathroom, I was in there using the toilet when I noticed my clothes were missing. He has them, it has to be him, I put them there to tempt him hadn’t I? Was I angry he took them, or happy? I want to confront him, or is it I want him to see me in my bikini, to see what he is doing, but wait doesn’t he have a friend with him? I walked down the corridor, his room was closed and I listened at the door, there was nothing but a tune to a video game, I opened the door, and what was I hoping to see? They weren’t there, ‘they’ why am I now looking for both? Where could they be? Their game was on pause, they must be still home. Back out into the corridor I heard something for sure I did, it came from Jib and Oliver’s room, could I go in there? Her husband was out after all. I opened the door, I couldn’t see anything but it was the first time I heard, it was the sound of sexual pleasure, but it wasn’t just one, it was more than one person. Was that Emil and his friend? Why were they in the ensuite bathroom and not in Emil’s room? The bathroom door was open as I made my way towards it, it was then I saw for the first time Emil with his pants and shorts around his ankles as were his friends, both of them with their cocks in their own hands. They were wanking, my clothes were there too. Why are they in there though? That’s when I first heard them talking, ‘when is she coming back’, ‘I don’t know, but your mom’s not too bad to look at until she does’, ‘you dick’. What was I going to do now? Do I walk in? Watch? Go back down to the pool knowing two young men are wanking looking down at me? ‘Lek better be back soon, I need to cum soon’, with that something took over me and I stepped into the bathroom, I opened my mouth and said ‘I hope you won’t cum just yet, I was hoping we could have some fun’ Both Emil and his friend spun round, shock on their faces, hard cocks still in hand, Emil’s friend wasn’t a bad size, but he really helped to show how well-endowed Emil is. They stood there with their mouths gaping, like a fish out of water, they didn’t know what to say. I became more confident again walking in between them. ‘So boys, it seems you were enjoying what you could see from a distance, now im up close, what can I do for you both?’ What was I even hoping they would ask for? What was it I was prepared to do? Emil’s friend then blurted out ‘can we see you naked?’ to which I only smiled as I reached around behind my bikini top and undid it, dropping it to the floor, both their eyes shooting to my boobs, before letting my thong bottoms slip down my legs to the floor and their eyes exploring my pussy too. ‘Can we wank on you?’ Emil suggested, I put my hand around his big hard cock, I said into his ear ‘isnt there something a little more I could do for you?’ ‘Can we get blowjobs?’ Emils friend said. I paused, is this what I had wanted them to say? Was it more than I wanted? Or am I disappointed they didn’t want to fuck me? Ok, is that what you both really want? Both started to nod their heads rapidly. I took Emil by the hand and led him back into the bedroom, I turned to his friend and said if he kept an eye out for Jib, I would give him a BJ after Emil, he barely took his eyes off the window after that, other than to glance at what I was doing to Emil and he could expect in turn right after. I laid Emil on the bed, and got onto the bed also, I took his big cock in my hand and started to lick his cock, sucking his balls, licking my cock all up the shaft of his cock before taking his cock in my mouth, it was fun to have this big hard cock in my mouth, it was then when he groaned in pleasure I admitted to myself I had wanted this all along, I was enjoying sucking his cock, looking at this amazed face, I let his cock find the back of my throat, I sucked his cock like a pornstar, ‘im going to cum’ Emil said, I just nodded with his cock still in my mouth, he didn’t try to pull it out as he unleashed a torrent of cum flying down my throat, his cock so far back in my mouth I never even had a chance to taste it before swallowing every drop, its then I sucked on his cock more as it started to grow placid. I was caught in the moment with Emil, when I noticed his friend looking over expectantly, I looked back to Emil and said ‘Are you ok I do to your friend now?’ To which Emil looked slightly jealous but said he didn’t mind, seeing that look on his face I told him he could have me that night, moving his hand to my pussy as I said the word ‘anything’. He grinned and got up to walk over to the window, as his friend came over to the bed. I did the same for his friend, but I kept looking over to Emil, I had only glanced at his friend once or twice when I sucked Emil, but here I was constantly looking over to Emil. I then noticed Emil was barely looking out of the window, this made me feel proud and happy in myself as I concentrated on sucking his friend. A few minutes later his friend was getting louder, it suddenly shot in my mind, I looked at Emil, ‘your mom!’ ‘Relax’ he said as he stepped back towards the window, ‘oh shit, shes gone’. Next I heard my name ‘Lek’ Jib was calling out to me from the top of the stairs, ‘where are you?’ She will know im not in the bathroom, I had left the door open, besides we cant escape this room without being seen. The only option being to bundle into the ensuite bathroom. My mind when in a muddle, what would I say or do? There is no reason for me to be in her bedroom then her private bathroom, I had no time to think before she called out my name again, I didn’t say anything and hissed at the two guys to be quiet, she turned the handle on the door, and it was locked. ‘Lek?’ I had no choice ‘Yes, sorry’, ‘What are you doing in there?’ What was I doing in here? What was I supposed to say? ‘Sorry for using your bathroom, I thought you wouldn’t mind, but the other bathroom was being used and I was desperate’, a little weak and a little embarrassing, but I think she bought it, ‘ok, I’ll see you back at the pool, have you seen Emil and his friend? They’re not in their room?’ I am stood naked next to her step son and his friend, both with their cocks still out, but all I can say is ‘No’. I hear her go away, where I am not sure, the moment a little gone, I tell them to get there clothes on as I make a move to slip back into my bikini, Emil’s friend looking a little crestfallen, ive completely lost the mood but understand he was not far off cumming and enjoying a BJ when this all kicked off, I tell him I will finish him off, I drop to my knees and start rubbing his cock, when hard I tell him to let me know when he needs to cum, I start to take all his cock in my mouth, sucking hard and fast on his cock wanting him to cum soon, it isn’t long before he pants ‘yes, yes, im going to cum’ at which I pull my mouth away from him, lean back and let him jerk his cock as he starts to cum over my face and boobs, I notice Emil is rock hard again from watching, but choose to ignore it for now. I tell them both to sneak out first, I look in the mirror, feeling Emil’s big load in my throat and his friends cum on my cheek, chin and boobs. I clean off and make my way back down to Jib by the pool. I came over not knowing what would happen this evening, but its only 2pm and Ive sucked two guys’ cocks. It’s going to be a long night

Tracing Time

Tuesday, 08:21

Song: Maggie Rogers - Dog Years

Sander is still rubbing at his eyes as he wanders into the kitchen, yawning loudly as he half-blindly makes his way towards the table. Before he can even get there, however, his mother is blocking his path and shoving a cake in his face and his dad is joining her to chorus, “Happy Birthday!”

“Uhm,” Sander blinks at them.

It’s strange to see that his mother is clearly wide awake, and that his father hasn’t left for work yet. Though he is already dressed in his police uniform, as one should always be when apparently preparing to have cake for breakfast. “Thanks. Don’t we usually do this in the evening, though?”

“Blow out your candles,” his mom orders. “Remember to make a wish!”

Twenty candles. The woman has twenty candles in a circular cake. (He’s sure, he counts them.) There’s already wax threatening to drip onto the icing, where the hastily piped ‘Happy Birthday Sander’ has holes pierced in it, the cake too small and the candles too numerous to avoid all of the writing.

Sander quickly blows out the candles.

“What did you wish for?” Léa asks, innocent and eager.

His dad, Ciel, makes a noise of protest and holds a hand up towards Sander. “If he tells you, it won’t come true.”

Sander points at him in agreement, and Léa huffs. It’s odd, that it’s odd to see his parents standing in front of him so early, interacting so casually, doing it all together. It’s not that they’re a distant couple, far from it. Sander’s father is just a busy man who sleeps and wakes early, and his mother is a not-quite-as-busy woman who has the luxury of being her own boss and rivals Sander’s own temperamental sleep schedule. They do not have breakfast as a family because they do not cross paths in the morning. They have dinner all together once or twice a week, if they get lucky. But there is certainly a bigger chance of their evenings coinciding.

So what is happening here?

“We’ll keep this for another time, I made actual breakfast,” his mother adds, gesturing at the table—with the cake still in her hands. Sander takes it from her quickly and sets it aside on the counter.

“Are we not having dinner, then?” he asks carefully.

They both give him bland looks. He curses both their heights—surely he should have earned an extra few inches from them. “We know you won’t be free for dinner,” Léa says.

Sander opens his mouth. Closes it again. Smiles sheepishly. “Oh.”

She huffs as she squeezes his shoulder. “But at least I can still be the first to wish my son happy birthday.” At his increasingly sheepish expression, she corrects, “In person. My god.”

It’s part of the reason he’s so sleepy still. He’d stayed up on a video call with Robbe until (well after) midnight, and the boy had wished him ‘happy birthday’ countless times, peppering kisses at the camera and apologising every time he’d started to nod off. It was possibly the cutest thing Sander has ever had the honour of witnessing. His lips twitch in a smile as he thinks about it again now.

He’d gotten a slew of other messages, all almost simultaneously at midnight. Gilles and Emilie and Thomas had all messaged almost at once into their small group chat, with varying styles and lengths and emoji usage. Adi and Lucas had both kept it sweet and simple. Milan had sent him a short video singing all of ‘Happy Birthday’ and blowing him a kiss. Jens had sent him one a few minutes late simply saying ‘happy bday. no I didn’t forget’, which Sander had blinked and then laughed at. He’d responded to them a while too late, after Robbe had eventually decided they both needed to sleep.

“Why couldn’t we just ask Robbe to join us for dinner?” Ciel asks. Not for the first time, Sander thinks that, for a policeman, his father is at times worryingly oblivious.

Léa clearly agrees, as she simply rolls her eyes in response. “I’m sure they’ll have their own private plans, of course he’ll want to spend his birthday with his boyfriend.”

“Uhm,” Sander says, again. “I still have class first though, so…”

“We should eat,” Ciel agrees, but glances at his wife. “Gifts now too, or in the evening?”

She considers it for a moment, then nods decisively. “We will do it before you two have to go. I’m not sure it’s too exciting, but you can make more use of it this way, maybe.” She offers Sander an apologetic smile.

He waves her off and presses a kiss to her cheek. “Don’t be silly.”

She returns his gestures and then pulls him to the table, pressing him down into a chair and piling food in front of him. It doesn’t matter that he’s not quite hungry enough for it, not this soon after waking, and his stomach protests a little with each bite. He enjoys it. He sits and eats with a parent at either side of him and he doesn’t get the feeling of too much. He doesn’t think undeserved. He’s not worrying about another year gone and him still the same. He’s not hit by a wave of inexplicable loneliness, or fretting over his current painful mistake, or mourning another year of life gone in which he has failed to grow up.

It’s all there, lurking in the constant shadows, but it’s not there, at the same time. Instead it’s his parents’ light bickering, and the memory of Robbe’s ‘goodnight kiss’, and all those messages on his phone.

And it’s relief.

Another year. Twelve months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes.

All that time, and nothing has really changed.

No intrinsic part of his life has altered, nothing’s gone. He’s still managing school (mostly), he still has the same friends, his parents are still fairly understanding, his unrelenting mental illness still hasn’t killed him, and he still has the man of his dreams across infinite universes (as said man claims).

He’s still here. Breathing, living. Thriving, his mind exalts.

“That’s a genuine little smile,” his father notes, returning it with one of his own. “It’s nice to see.”

Warmth spreads through Sander, cushioning his heart but also sneaking into his cheeks as he shakes his head and takes another overstuffed mouthful of food. Ciel’s smile just widens in understanding, and Sander feels a twinge for how often he turns the man away. It’s moments like these where he thinks it’s wrong to do so, that he should give him more of a chance on occasion, that maybe he really would be more helpful than Sander lets himself hope for.

But it doesn’t matter, today. Nothing like that needs to matter when they’re all happy to make it about his birthday.

They give him his gifts after breakfast, quickly. New clothes that he likes enough to go change into before he leaves, wearing the tee with subtle Bowie graphics with pride. There’s the usual restocking of art supplies as well, more expensive than he ever buys himself and which he gives his mother another kiss for. Then they pass him a card, which has sappy words in his mother’s handwriting and money tucked inside.

“Thank you,” he says, for the third or fourth time, squeezing them both in a quick hug as Ciel checks his watch and Léa smacks him on the arm for it. “Everything is perfect, really. And we can have some cake in the afternoon? I’ll come back for a while before I meet up with Robbe.”

His mother narrows her eyes and places a hand on her heart playfully. “So kind of you to include me in your busy day, the woman who brought you into this world.”

Ciel smiles at her, in a way that suggests he’s heard this particular speech before. “Yes, really a day to celebrate you, if we’re doing it right.”

“Of course,” Sander agrees, nodding sagely. “What was it? Seventeen hours of labour?”

“Followed by twenty years of tender and loving care,” she adds, and Sander laughs.

He wraps his arm around her shoulder and kisses the top of her head before leaning away to pick up his bag. “Truly the best,” he tells her.

“Save me some cake,” Ciel requests, also collecting his things by the door.

“But you weren’t involved in any of that credit,” Sander notes. “Hard to know if you should get to join in the best part of the celebration.”

“I cooked those croques this morning, and I’ll drive you to college.”

It’s a cheap bribe, considering Sander could drive himself if he so wished, but he still beams and pats his father’s shoulder, following him out. “A slice will be left in the fridge.”

~^~

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