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Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches | Choi San

💐 IMPORTANT: Re-upload from my deleted account (hongjoongspoetry).

💐 Summary: Being a mother wasn’t an item on your bucket list, never has and probably never will be. You were more than content with living a childless life and it wasn't an occurring issue before, until you brought your boyfriend on a trip to your parents’ where his love for kids unveiled right in your face. You were adamant on your choice, but scared what the future held for you and your boyfriend.

💐 Pairing(s): idol!San x f!reader

💐 Genres/Tropes: tooth rotting fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, a lil suggestive

💐 Warnings/Tags: no use of (Y/N), mentions of pregnancies, arguments, explicit language, expectations that come with being a woman, reader doesn't want babies, pushy family, emotional invalidation, listed pregnancy side effects, san with kids

💐 Wordcount: 12.2K

💐 Author's note: Here's a lil treat inspired by my fear of pregnancies. I am not a mother and I'm not trying to offend anyone who is. I haven't experienced motherhood so I wouldn't understand the complicit feelings that come with it, this is more my observation of it I guess.

Edited 22 January, 2024!

AO3 Playlist Click on me!

This is all fiction and not meant to represent San in any way or form.

Babies weren’t foreign to you even at the age of five.

You knew what they were; you had been one, your parents and siblings too, heck every living thing had been a baby at one point in their life. From the carrots growing in your grandma’s garden to the old ducks swimming in the pond down the street.

Babies were cute. A bit annoying, but nonetheless cute. Probably the reason why your parents decided to have so many children or was it the nostalgia of holding an infant when their kids grew up to be living ticking time bombs.

It wasn’t anything weird or something you paid attention to. It was quite simple too; people had children because they fell in love or to keep the relationship floating.

Children were simple beings. What they hear they shall question. Seeing your teacher highly pregnant, rubbing her stomach and wearing a gleeful expression, talking about birth and pregnancies and everything else coming with that had you taking in the information like a sponge absorbing water.

“Mom, did you give birth to me?”

“Of course, honey, I am your mom aren’t I?” You remember her gently wiping your cheek, a warm smile adorning her face.

You hummed in agreement, throwing a cut piece of steak in your mouth somewhat satisfied with her answer. Your eyes filtered between Hana and Jun, watching them push at each other’s shoulders clearly bickering over something so pointless your dad couldn’t bother stopping them. Not that it was possible, they were brought into this world together and separating them would only bring more chaos.

“Did you give birth to Hana-unnie and Jun-oppa too?”

“Yah! What do you think, airhead?!” Jun snarkily replied and got a light whack of the head by your sister.

“Sweetie, don’t hit your brother.”

Hana rolled her eyes. “Even if he deserves it?”

“Even if he deserves it,” your father concluded and urged them to eat.

Another piece of meat was flung in your mouth as you stared at the family portrait behind the twins, focusing on your other siblings who moved out a long time ago and already started their own families. Your mother saw the bemused tingle covering your features.

“Go on and eat your food.”

A small pout adorned your lips, “How do you give birth?”

Your parents were more than prepared for the wonders of your mind, any question fired at them had already been answered years ago with your older siblings. That’s what they thought at least and it explained why the dinner table went pin silent as the question was flung out in the open.

The seasons changed like your father changed channels. Spring fluttered into summer quicker than expected. Budded flowers opened, the various colored roses adorning your grandma’s fence beautifully. The breeze welcomed you with open arms, proudly announcing the start of summer break. The transition between summer and autumn was slow. The rich green leaves took their time changing shades – red, orange and eventually an ugly brown that reminded you of wet mornings and cold coffees – before the howling wind swirled them away, stripping the trees of its beauty.

As the years passed your My Little Pony boots were replaced with wedge heels and your favorite color wasn’t pink, but black – even though Jun argued black wasn’t a color – and before you knew it Hana moved out with her boyfriend, now husband, of six years. A small but evident baby bump peeking behind her knitted sweater.

You were seventeen at that time, the twins twenty-two and your remaining siblings already thirty-something.

Her baby girl wasn’t the first grandchild of your family tree and she certainly wasn’t going to be the last either, because four years later she welcomed another child into the world just a couple of months before your brother’s wife. That made a grand total of seven grandkids, three girls and four boys.

You were very grateful to your mom for giving birth to you last and grateful for the free birth control your siblings provided you with. Despite their children having moments of incarnating the devil, they weren’t the issue to your disdain of want for a baby.

Some said it was the lack of a boyfriend and others pointed out you being too focused on your academic studies – that your decision to start university was too hasty – depriving you of your youth, as if a newborn wouldn’t.

You saw what motherhood did to your sisters and in-laws, and it wasn’t anything you’d like for yourself. Not even after meeting your boyfriend, who you were madly in love with and he was completely head over heels for you, did your perception change.

Babies were cute to look at, but growing one inside of you? No thanks.

You glanced at San through the bathroom mirror, white shaving cream around his face.

“Don’t you have filming with the Return of Superman today?”

“Yep, have to make sure the beard doesn’t scratch the kids.”

You laughed again, “Beard? I haven’t seen you with a stub in how many months now, let alone a beard.”

Your eyes met in the reflection, one of his brows raised and lips puckered as if contemplating something. He then let go of the razor and gently took hold of your waist and neck, pressing his sticky cheek against yours. You yelled out and tried to push him away, but he barely moved.

“What did you say about my beard?”

“You have a beautiful beard! So pretty and well-kept!”

San smiled brightly, dimples popping and eyes creasing as he planted a wet kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you baby!”

The white cream was washed off with extreme care, as he was afraid of wetting your clothes and hair.

“There you go.” He threw on a gray hoodie, black hair slightly disheveled but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with you running your hand through it.

“I’d say thanks, but you’re at fault.”

He rested his hands on your hips, thumbs sneaking underneath the white fabric of your blouse to caress the soft skin beneath. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Your twentieth lap around the world was filled with many experiences and emotions. You finally moved out of the countryside to the big city and found an apartment in the middle of Seoul. As much as you loved the feeling of freedom and independence you also despised it. Not having anyone waiting on you by the door, no home cooked meals or clean clothes neatly made on your bed reminded you of what you left behind.

Although it was hard to adapt at first you managed and with the help of a friend you quickly adjusted to the busy city life. As someone wise once said; after rain came sunshine, and your sunshine was San. The boy your friend introduced you to when you still had little to no knowledge of Korean pop groups besides the older generations and singing ring-ding-dong no repeat.

At the time he was just San, a funny and caring friend you could be yourself with, occasionally going out to secluded shops for coffee and pastries. You never questioned the scenery and request of privacy, always giving people the benefit of the doubt, until a girl stopped you on your way to a morning class with the demand you tell her who you were and what connection you had to her Sannie.

With a trembling voice you answered her truthfully, debunking any conclusions she already made up in her mind.

You didn’t go to school that day or home for that matter either, scared to be followed and questioned again by a potential lover or side-piece so you did the next best thing; stopped by a 7-eleven and spent your morning there before taking the first train to your sister’s unannounced, spilling everything like an overflowing bucket.

As the mature woman she was, she spurred you on to ask San. Saying you deserved answers to your questions and to potentially clear up any misunderstandings – if there were any of that is.

The moment you told him about the girl, he came forward with who he was, something he admitted he should’ve done immediately, but didn’t for two reasons: a) you allowed him to be himself with no walls and b) he was worried the truth would scare you away. Heck, you were already chased just by being near him and you didn’t even know anything. To your luck, the girl wasn’t his girlfriend or a crazy ex, but a fan and San was an idol.

A few weeks after his confession your friendship progressed and blossomed into a beautiful relationship. You could proudly call him yours in the privacy of your apartment and he could wrap his arm around you – face masks and caps on of course – scaring the prying eyes of other men. He filled your solitude with the comfort and love you missed so dearly.

“Honey, have you seen my gray hoodie? I can’t find it in your wardrobe.” San stood before your closet, torso exposed and an expensive towel you can’t remember the brand of wrapped around his hips.

You were in the kitchen brewing coffee for the both of you. A plain yet pretty dress stuck tightly to your form, “Mmm, I think it’s in the basket with all the other clean clothes.”

The taps of his bare feet filled your apartment accompanied by a gasp seconds later.

“Did you find it?”

Large arms slinked around your waist and pulled you into San’s chest, he nuzzled his nose against the bare spot on your neck before peppering it with tender pecks, “Thank you, honey.”

“Always, baby. Here’s your coffee.”

You gingerly handed him the cup, but San had other plans. Ever-so-gently he titled your head sideways as his lips met yours. It was soft and made your stomach swoop as if going down a steep roller coaster.

San had that effect on you no matter what he did.

“You have to…get dressed or…we’ll be late,” you said between kisses.

His chest vibrated against your back as he hummed in delight, “This is worth getting in trouble for.”

“I’m sure it is, but I don’t think Wooyoung will appreciate that.”

“I don’t care.”

A laugh bubbled out as you rewarded him with one last kiss to the cheek. Eventually you both parted ways. San went first, wearing an obligatory cap and mask while meeting up with his manager further down the street and you followed shortly after, taking the commute to your workplace.

“So,” you started after placing the pot on the table between your plates, immediately filling San’s, “my parents invited us to theirs next week.”

He nodded, “I think I can make it, but I’ll have to double-check with the guys and managers.”

It was the first date night in weeks where both of you were free from work and had enough energy to meet up. You originally invited all the boys, but San was keen on keeping you to himself, claiming he wanted some alone time. If it were up to him he’d see you everyday even for just five minutes, arguing that the short time could give him the motivation to work harder. In return you reminded him the journey from his dorm to your place was a thirty minute long drive without traffic, the energy he’d get would evaporate in seconds.

“It’s okay if you can’t make it, Sannie. I know you guys have a lot to do, especially with the release of your new album.”

“Mmm, don’t worry about that. We’ll see first, but I’m telling you now. I want to go.” He reached for your hand across the small table and you returned the sentiment with a squeeze before beckoning him to eat.

You took notice of his upturned lips and crescent moon eyes. It wasn’t an unusual sight, San was always in a good mood and when he wasn’t he still mustered up a smile warm enough to brighten your day.

“What are you smiling about?” You teased, carrying a grin of your own.

“You should have seen the kids the other day, they were so cute.”

“Oh, it completely slipped my mind to ask. How was it?”

“It was fun and they were so, so cute. All of them really.”

“I can imagine, Sannie.”

“I don’t want to say too much, you still have to wait for the episode, but ohhh! I can’t stop smiling.”

You chuckled and enjoyed seeing your boyfriend suffer a hard case of baby fever. San loved kids, put that man near a kid and anyone in one mile radius would see it. That was how you found out.

You were babysitting your niece one random Thursday night, your brother claiming ‘you owed him’ for something you did in your childhood days that was long forgotten. San asked if you were free that same night, but you sadly turned him down, briefly explaining the situation and voilá. The date was moved from a five star restaurant to your living room with blankets and ice cream and a toddler with bigger love for Bluey than her aunt.

San’s love for kids wasn’t something he expressed with you, but rather something you saw through gentle touches and light coos, a few stolen pecks here and there.

It wasn’t an issue to you. In all honesty, it was attractive because how many men did you know who actually showed interest in their children? How many dads knew their kids’ birth dates or their favorite ice cream flavor?

And yeah, you felt the same. Your nieces and nephews were cute, especially when they wore matching clothes for Chuseok and Christmas. Don’t even get you started on their birthday costumes.

But it wasn’t enough to make you want one.

It wasn’t worth the nine month long journey of fatigue, mood swings, nausea, stretch marks and not to mention the painful process of giving birth and what came after; potentially loss of teeth, tearing the perineum, hair loss… the list is truly endless.

Not wanting kids wasn’t a problem until you stumbled into San who carried a love big enough for the whole population of South Korea.

“I can’t wait till we have kids,” San admitted as you stuffed your mouth with a spoonful of rice.

The clock hanging above the kitchen entrance didn’t freeze but you sure did. The words would make anyone squeal and melt at once, however they washed over you like a big cold wave in the atlantic ocean and sent your food into the wrong pipe. San jumped up from his seat and patted your back while opening a can of coke with his other hand.

“Drink this.” He pushed the beverage in your hands and waited to make sure you were alright. The coughing didn’t stop but at least you could breathe. “Better?”

You sent him a nod, not trusting your voice to keep its cool. San didn’t question the lack of response to his blunt statement nor why you nearly choked to death. The night ended with you two hastily filling the dish machine and cuddling together on the couch with you laying on top of him. A boring movie played on the big TV while you basked in each other’s embrace.

Halfway through the movie you cleared your throat, not being able to shake the conversation from earlier, “You want kids?”

“Not right now, but someday,” San said, one hand under his head and the other rubbing your back. He then glanced down at you. “Don’t you?”

You turned so your chin rested on his chest, noses almost touching and his peppermint breath fanning your face. The simple two letter word was stuck in your throat, and like the coward you were you swallowed them down with guilt. You shot him a quick smile and even manually crinkled your eyes to make it more believable.

Twenty minutes later and San was out like a light, the hectic schedules and plenty of sleepless nights getting to him in the end. Sleep didn’t come as easy to you. Mind too occupied with thinking, thinking and more thinking. Tears blurred your eyes and you didn't know if they were from the stuffy room or the guilt bubbling in your abdomen.

The incident was pushed under the rug in your living room, neither bringing it up again nor the topic of a future family, mainly because you were both drowning in work and adult responsibilities. The days passed in a flash and when Friday came around San was parked outside the building early in the morning, welcoming you with a preheated seat and a cup of steaming hot coffee.

“The twins and their kids are the only ones who could come. Mimi-unnie’s little ones caught the flu and Jin couldn’t get away from work.”

Coming from a rather small family and then moving in with seven men he considered brothers was quite the change for young San, so hearing that neither Mimi or Jin, and their respective families, could make it made him deflate.

“That’s unfortunate. We haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“Yeah, but at the same time I can already feel the headache coming from having seven kids running around all day.”

“That’s how Hongjoong must feel all the time.”

The image of seven twenty-something-year olds running around as toddlers and an exhausted Hongjoong not far behind them popped up in your head and brought out a laugh. Then last week’s phone call with your mother interrupted the vision and you got serious again.

“Did you bring spare clothes? Mom said they were warning of a rainstorm.”

“Yep. It’s in the trunk with your things.”

Your hands rested on your lap and San, feeling the need to touch you, gently intertwined your fingers with his and placed a kiss to the back of your hand. He occasionally withdrew when changing gears before resuming his hold. The ride was long and by the time you arrived you were exhausted despite not doing anything but passing San snacks every once in a while.

Squeals of joy and multiple little feet padding against the hardwood floor had your lips curling upwards as you opened the door. You crouched down and were greeted with two kids catapulting in your embrace.

“Hello little chicks,” you said and planted a kiss on the crown of their heads.

“Did you miss us?” Borah asked, her small hands tightening around your neck leaving barely any room for her little brother.

Before you could reassure her the door opened behind you and in came San, thus stealing the lovely cuddle session right from beneath your nose.

“Uncle San!”

He lifted both children in his arms and beamed at their giggles and kicking legs. You craned your head up, eyes trailing up to San’s closed ones, and your heart swelled with love. He looked like he belonged right there surrounded by tiny humans with toothless smiles and snotty noses.

A tug at your sleeve had your head whipping forwards, “Kai,” you cooed at the youngest of the batch earning a blurb of happy noises.

The hallway proceeded to be crowded by the rest of the house. Hugs and kisses were exchanged with your family and out of the corner of your eyes you could see San exchanging a firm handshake with your father.

“You’re right in time for dinner!” Your mother gleefully exclaimed and ushered you inside, the little ones slinking around her legs like overly fed kittens mooching for more food.

The first hour was spent catching up and talking about everything you’ve missed out on in each other’s lives. Your father initiated small talk with San, asking him about the drive there and if he had a lot of work even wondering how the rest of Ateez were doing. To your relief your parents treated him as their third son and your siblings weren’t opposed to the idea of another brother.

You sat in between Jun and Jisoo – his wife – giving her all of your attention. Apparently she was in the middle of her second trimester, something you just found out. You sent Jun a quick glare and a whack to the back of his head, and as he was about to fight back he slumped back in his seat all thanks to the stern eyes of his wife.

“Here let me help you, mom.”

San ventured into the open kitchen and took the plates from your mother’s hands. She tried stopping him but it was to no avail, once a gentleman, always a gentleman. So she did the next best thing.

“Are you not embarrassed Jun? Sitting on your rear while the guests prepare the table!”

“I’m a guest too?!” He cried and Jisoo stifled a laugh behind her palm, the other hand rubbing her swollen belly.

“Yah, guest my ass. It’s your house as much as it’s mine so get over here before I rip your ear off.”

San stood by the table and waited for another chance to interfere, or as Jun liked to call it ‘buttering up to the in-laws’. You creeped up behind San and leaned your cheek against his bicep.

“You good?” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed a lingering kiss to the side of your head. If someone knew what it meant to be separated from family then it was San, having not seen his own parents in how many years now?

“I’m perfect,” you replied and discreetly created some space between you as the rest of the family entered the kitchen.

Unlike San, you weren’t very keen on showing public affection especially as you guys never did it due to him being a literal celebrity. You had no problem showering him with love behind closed doors, but it was different with so many people around and in front of your parents nonetheless. That was just forbidden, almost illegal in your books.

As if they hadn’t done the deed at least four times–

“Well go on, why are you standing there like sheep waiting for Lassie.”

Everyone swammered the table per your mother’s request. You, San and Borah sat on one side of the table with your mother and father on each end, and Jun, Jisoo and Hana across from you.

“How is work, sweetie?”

You faced your mother as she filled your plate with food and you practically tore the spatula from her hands.

“It’s good. There’s a lot now that people are on vacation, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“You’ve always been a hard worker,” she grumbled. “And how are you otherwise?”

Your brows furrowed, “I’m great too. What do you mean?”

She stared you dead in the eyes, making sure you were looking at her too, and flickered her gaze down to your stomach and back up again three times.

“I am healthy.”

The bite you tried to hide slipped out and she couldn’t help but scoff.

“Of course you’re healthy. I don’t give birth to sick babies.”

You don’t know when your mother turned so…sour. When her gentle touches turned to pinches and words of endearment became sneers of displeasure. Over one summer she had changed drastically and called every two to three weeks, asking the same questions, hoping for different answers.

“At least someone here is eating for two.”

The sentence struck you right in the heart and it bothered you how easily she got under your skin. As if prioritizing yourself brought shame on your whole family tree, it wasn’t like she didn’t have a soccer team of grandkids already.

Your sister-in-law smiled timidly and you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her being put in the spotlight just because of your mother’s pettiness.

“Oh, that reminds me, San-ah! We watched your Return of Superman episode,” Hana said excitedly.

“Who do you like more, uncle San, me or Jaeyul?”

“Mmm, that is a hard question, Borah. How about this, I’ll tell you if you promise to keep it a secret?”

The five year old immediately nodded and San – keeping his promise – gently whispered in her ear, “You.”

A gasp slinked out of her lips and she threw her hands over her mouth, the two exchanged a look and San made a zipping motion over his lips, a gesture Borah copied.

“Wah, you’re so good with kids San-ah,” Jun complimented.

“I was just about to say that! We couldn’t stop smiling, it was so endearing. All of you, really,” your sister added and pushed her thick glasses up against her nose.

San straightened at the praise. A dust of red covered his face accompanied with a bright smile.

“I just love kids.”

“Then it’s about time you get some, don’t keep us waiting any longer.”

Your body tensed and your grip on the spoon tightened. Your mother talked about the matter as if babies were truly delivered by storks and not an almost year long process. You kept your gaze on your plate, not daring to meet anyone’s stares, not when you could feel San’s bore into the side of your face. You two had yet to talk about the future and it wasn’t something you were ready for, especially not after his random burst of baby fever.

San cleared his throat, “Well I’d rather first put a ring on your daughter’s finger, if that’s alright with her.”

Oh, how you loved this man.

You didn’t need things to be official to know how you felt about San. A scribble of paper and a ring on your finger wouldn’t make your love more real, but you knew if San asked the big question you’d say yes in a heartbeat.

Heat ran through you, from the center of your heart to the tips of your toes, and it was hard to suppress the smile fighting its way on your face. The twins ‘oh-ed’ loudly, Jun even made the table into a makeshift drum as Borah and Jisoo jumped on the teasing wagon. Your father smiled at the scene before him. It was about time you got married, he thought but kept it to himself. Your mother on the other hand wasn’t all too pleased. As much as she wanted you to marry before conceiving, she didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary and with how your life was going, a marriage wasn’t an event in any of her five future calendars.

“Are we supposed to call you Mrs. Choi now?”

A hard smack resounded in the house with a groan.

The dinner ended with no more personal questions about your and San’s relationship as all the attention was diverted to Jun and Jisoo’s unborn baby. Now you were all gathered in the living room, except for Jisoo who long passed out in Jun’s childhood bedroom.

“Auntie.” Borah grabbed at your elbow, her legs stretched over your thighs as she sat in San’s lap with her head resting against his chest.

“Yes, flower?”

Her eyes were droopy and she barely stayed awake despite the loud conversation of the adults. You inched closer to her to easily decipher her slurring words.

“I wanna sleep with you and uncle San.”

“Mmm, you want to cuddle with us?” She nodded tiredly. “Lemme ask uncle San first, okay flower?”

You caressed her hair and she smacked her lips before readjusting herself in San’s arms. Despite balancing between sleep and consciousness she was determined to know his answer.

It didn’t take much more than a gentle ‘Sannie’ for you to catch his attention, “Borah wants to sleep in our bed. Is that alright with you?”

He glanced down at the usually sugar rushed child and chuckled at her passed out form. “Of course. Here, I’ll tuck her in.”

While he went upstairs, easily navigating through the house from the previous visits, you stepped foot in the kitchen. The dishes from the dinner had just been pushed aside by your mother as she was dead set on everyone spending more time together, not allowing anyone entry in the kitchen unless it was to get more food.

Although she was challenging your patience for the past five hours, you still loved her dearly so washing the dishes was the least you could do without blatantly saying it.

“And what do you think you’re doing?”

Speak of the devil and they shall appear.

“Nothing, making your life easier.”

“Oh, please. My life hasn’t been any easier since you moved out. Constantly worrying about you.”

“Really, mom? There’s nothing to worry about plus it’s not like I’m alone. I have San.” You rinsed a plate and stacked it on the rack to your left.

“I know…That’s what I’m afraid of.”

A glass nearly slipped out of your hands. Your confused eyes met her worried ones and you bit the inside of your cheek, not really understanding what she was getting at.

“Why…I’m sorry, what are you exactly…afraid of?”

The anxiety grew like weeds in your mind at her gentle whisper of your name. Did she not like San? But that was impossible; she practically referred to him as her favorite son-in-law.

“Don’t you think it’s time you two get serious?”

“Okay!” You dropped the sponge in the sink and placed your soapy hands on your hips. “You really need to stop talking in riddles or my head is going to explode from anxiety.”

“There you go again with that anxiety. It’s not real!”

“Nope! Don’t try to change the subject. Say what you really mean or just stop talking, mom I swear it’s the only chance I’m giving you to be outright honest with me.”

A beat of silence passed and then another. Just as you thought she was backing down, the second most outrageous thing of the day came out of her mouth.

“Get married to San before he leaves you for someone else.”

You scoffed, “Unbelievable. You’re unbelievable.”

The rag hanging off your shoulder was snatched as you used it to dry your hands, but the anger proved that to be difficult so you bolted up to your room, not bothering with bidding anyone a good night’s sleep. You just needed to get away from the tension downstairs and, believe it or not, you craved San’s comfort.

Anger clouded your vision and all rational thoughts were pushed aside as you threw the door open, scaring San and nearly arousing little Borah. As much as you wanted to slam it shut, you couldn’t. Instead you did the childish-angry thing where you swing the door with all your might and stop it just as it was about to close and create an atomic-like explosion.

San rose from his comfortable position on the pink fluffy carpet that teenage-you chose, eyes wide in alarm and arms reaching for you.

He had changed out of the black hoodie and gray suit pants and into something more comfortable; a satin black pajamas you gifted him for Valentine’s day with a pair of semi-rimless glasses perched on his nose. Something about the look made him so domestic your anger nearly disappeared into thin air.

“Woah, woah. What’s wrong?”

You hid your face in your hands and San wasted no time taking you in his arms, bringing your body close to him. The motion had you sighing deeply as you exhaustively sunk into his embrace. San didn’t push for an answer and for that you were grateful. He rubbed your back and kissed your temple, nose and cheek.

“It’s my mom,” you eventually whispered.

“You wanna talk about it?”

You didn’t move at first, weighing your options. Sharing the harsh words of your mom would lead to a conversation you weren’t ready to take. So you shrugged and clasped your hands around his torso.

“Yes and no.”

“Okay, come here.”

He gave you another kiss before moving you so your back was against his chest and shuffled over to the bed. He sat down by Borah’s feet, careful not to wake her, and pulled you between his legs dangling over the edge of the queen sized bed. His hands found home on your stomach immediately easing you off your anger.

“We’ll do whatever you feel like. We can talk about it if you want or I can just listen to you, but if you don’t want to we won’t. We can find something else to do. It’s up to you, honey.”

You took his hands in yours and examined his each and every finger. A wave of nervousness washed over you and a distraction was needed to untangle your tied tongue.

“She just said some…mean things I guess.”

“About you?”

You nodded silently. “About us.”

San hummed and you honestly expected a stronger reaction, but you should’ve known better.

He was rational and never really lashed out, at least not that you knew of. You’d never seen him angry enough to act on it.

“She didn’t mean anything ill thought, but you were the starting point of it.”

“Look at me?”

As you faced him his eyes immediately found yours and in them were swirls of pure affection and sincerity.

“I love you.”

The skin on your cheeks burned hot and your lips curled into an embarrassed smile. The confession sent a magic tingle through your body.

“Where is this coming from?”

“I love you,” he said again, not satisfied with your response.

“I love you too, Sannie.”

“Good. Don’t worry ‘bout what your mom says. I love you and nothing will change that.”

Reassuring words and mellow touches.

“Nothing?”

Not even your fear of childbirth?

Or the idea that the two of you never may have children?

“Nothing, my love.”

And if he noticed the turn your smile took – going from happy to sad – he didn’t mention it. Because despite everything you couldn’t stop the gnawing thoughts of dread and what if’s from filling your mind.

“Did you watch the episode?”

“What episode?”

“The one of Seonghwa-hyung, Woo and I with the kids.”

Right, that one.

At first you didn’t purposely push it back on your agenda but the more you remembered his wish of starting a family the more chores you suddenly had to do and oh, that pile of paperwork could certainly not wait until after the weekend and when you actually had the time to watch it your phone would ping with a billion messages, every single one coming from San who insisted he craved to hear your voice and see your ‘absolutely angelic face’ – his words.

So no. You hadn’t seen it.

“Ah, really?” He laughed at the speed you shook your head. “Well, let’s watch it together.”

“Now?”

“Mmm. Unless you don’t wanna?”

“Oh– Uhm, no! Go ahead, I’ll just change into something comfortable.”

Why he brought his laptop for a two day journey, you had no idea but apparently it worked in his favor because there you were laying on the side closest to the wall with Borah snuggled between you guys while the laptop was perched on San’s stomach, the episode playing in full swing.

Every interaction with the twins or Jaeyul made your guts twist and clench. You had to admit it was cute; so cute that your dinner almost went back up the same way it came from. You felt so bad and the worst of it all was the guilt that followed, the guilt of knowing you weren’t doing anything wrong yet you’d still be treated as if you were.

And it was such a shitty situation, because how come that the man who’d single-handedly light up each and every star for you, also was the one to summon the clouds obscuring the night sky?

You didn’t notice San’s lingering eyes or the way his fingers itched to hold yours or the three word long question resting on his tongue. Not that he was being obvious about it. Whenever you looked at him he’d flash you that derpy smile of his and a reassuring blink that lasted a second too long.

It may have been unclear to you, but nothing passed your radar of a brother. He did have the maturity of a boy going through early stages of puberty, but you had to give it to him, he was observant. Too observant for his own good.

“What’s going on with you and lover boy?”

Thanks to Jun’s stupidity you both were honored with dish-duties. What you didn’t know was that it was all a part of his masterplan.

“What?”

“I don’t know I’m the one asking you.”

You glared at him and he wordlessly took the clean tray from you.

“I’m just saying, we dudes, we see when something’s wrong.”

“So something’s wrong with San?”

“Not with San.” He put the tray in place and threw the rag over his shoulder, painfully dragging out the conversation, “With you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me?”

“Mm-mm, there is. You’re all tense and silent, and anytime someone mentions a baby you do this thing where you disapp– Yeah, just like that!” He snapped his fingers and pointed at your face void of emotion.

“I’m just not feeling it today.”

A gasp left his mouth and he looked around almost alarmed. “Don’t tell me you’re…pregnant?” He whispered the last word as if it was a crime that could sentence you to life in prison.

Out of sheer surprise and terror you smacked the side of his head.

“Are you out of your mind?!” You hissed back.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“It is a no!”

“Okay, don’t hit me again!” As you raised your arm he simultaneously threw his hands up to shield himself from your wrath.

A third party watched the banter from the living room, his feet tucked under his thighs in a pretzel motion and tongue poking at his cheek. The three years you spent together, from the platonic start to the blossoming romance, granted you more knowledge of each other than anyone else.

San noticed your change in behavior at the dinner table last night, after the talk with your mother and as you cozied up to him in bed. At first he brushed it off as jitters for not being home for so long and the overwhelming emotions of finally meeting everyone again, but the more he thought of it the more he realized it wasn’t like you. And he promised himself to ask you about it, he just needed to find the perfect moment when you weren’t being swammered by everyone else which proved to be nearly impossible. If you weren’t hounded by your mother or bothered by your siblings, then you were stuck with the little ones and their sticky fingers.

“San-ah.”

Hana brought him out of his thoughts.

“Do you ever see yourself having kids?”

The question threw him off guard because wasn’t it obvious? What more could he want than to start a family with the love of his life?

“Of course, but it’s not something we’ve gotten around yet. We’re not rushing anywhere either!”

Hana nodded and took a long sip of her chamomile tea. There was something so uneasy with her watchful eyes and the slight purse of her lips that had San thinking a little too much to his liking.

Was he missing something?

And he really shouldn’t have asked, prod at her interest and start something he wasn’t sure he was ready for but being the curious cat he was, San couldn't help himself.

“If you don’t mind, why are you asking?”

“Mmm…you see, she’s not the brightest when it comes to children.”

That sentence sounded like an unstrung guitar being played with a dull rock underwater. If San remembered correctly, you shone the brightest around your nieces and nephews. There was never a dull moment with them, always bringing you to tears from laughing too much. He saw you with them; you were gentle, thoughtful and careful, and he was certain it had nothing to do with you sharing the same blood.

San must have looked confused because Hana spluttered out an explanation, her hands waving around at the speed of light.

“I’m just saying that because I know how you’re with kids. Anyone can see you love them and I know it wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“What wouldn’t be fair?”

“Not having kids,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

San wanted to ask more questions yet he decided to hold his tongue. He wouldn’t be able to see the complete puzzle anyways and he knew the missing piece could only be received from one person – you.

“It’s a mutual concern of ours and we are just looking out for you.” She gave him a few pats of comfort, for what he had yet to find out, “God knows my husband would be devastated if I didn’t want kids.”

San listened silently, the frown on his face deepening with each word.

Did your sister not want kids?

He followed her line of vision leading straight to you and then it hit him.

You didn’t want kids.

The images of San holding a toddler that was the spitting image of him; a head too big for its body, chubby cheeks and faint brows, haunted you every night. Some dreams were more vivid than others, but they were never the same. The most recent one was of the three of you taking a walk in the park. The little girl sat on San’s shoulders wearing a purple hat with cat ears while you trailed behind them, a matching bag around your shoulder and a camera in your hands. As San turned around you caught a glimpse of their bright smiles and identical dimples. The girl saw you and stretched her arms out, a giddy ‘mom!’ tumbling out of her mouth.

That’s when you woke up in a puddle of sweat. You could barely catch your own breath as you jumped out of bed, nearly toppling to the floor in the process.

A cloud of guilt and shame loomed over you for various reasons. Mainly for dreaming of a future you could not see for yourself. It got to the point where you stayed up all night just to avoid the dreams. You picked up more shifts at the office, working late nights and early mornings, and it was a success until you cleared your whole schedule. Then came the idea of starting a new hobby; crocheting but your patience ran out rather quickly, who knew learning a double crochet would be so difficult?

Your guilty conscience affected your relationship with San too. Dates were painfully awkward as if you were a high school couple going on your first outing together, stealing shy glances and looking away as soon as your eyes met.

Then it was the skinship, whenever you accidentally touched fingers or feet collided underneath the dinner table, you’d withdraw so quickly as if burned by the scorch of a hundred suns. It was almost foreign to cuddle up on the couch too, San’s hands on your lower back and your cheek against his chest. At first you didn’t think he noticed the change in your behavior, but as you laid on top of him you could feel his heart rapidly beat in your ear and hands ghost over your skin, a trail of goosebumps following his faint touch.

Neither dared to speak up about the thick tension, assuming it would all go away in due time but the closer you got to the date of Ateez leaving for their tour in Latin America, the less likely it was to subdue.

Little did you know San wasn’t feeling any better himself. Hana’s words played in his head on a loop, creating new presumptions of what she meant. She wasn’t that straightforward with her message and San could’ve either pieced together the wrong information or been completely spot on. He’d never know if he never asked, which proved to be harder than expected.

The few times your schedules aligned you were interrupted by San’s phone – Seonghwa and Mingi checking if he was dining at yours or with them – and if it weren’t that then it was something else. The days he made sure nothing could interrupt he’d chicken out last minute and smoothly avert the attention to anything remotely more interesting.

“Did you see Mingi’s new hair color?”

“I made Jongho promise to teach you how to break an apple in half!”

“Yeosang wants to buy a puppy!”

The confidence San possessed on stage in front of thousands was plummeting to the ground. Hard and fast. It honestly baffled him how much control one person could hold over him. Not that he complained, who was supposed to make his knees weak and brain all mushy besides you?

Knees weak and mushy brain was exactly how he felt as you opened the door, revealing yourself. You wore a black and white striped sweater with a black skirt stopping midthigh. The top was slightly big so you tucked it in your skirt. A small dark bag hung over your shoulder matching your leather boots. Simple yet elegant jewelry adorned your fingers and ears. You topped it off with black see-through stockings and black coat.

“Is this too much for a night out?”

You were stunning.

“It’s perfect, babe.”

He handed you a beautiful bouquet of pink and red roses mixed with fillers, the brown paper gave them an old school look. You suppressed a squeal of joy and took the flowers from him, planning to put them in a vase, but not before planting a quick and shy kiss to the apple of his cheek. Your lipstick smeared on his skin almost camouflaging with the redness crawling up his neck, attacking his ears and cheeks, luckily for him you bolted to the kitchen, embarrassed at your own gesture.

You truly were like a pair of high schoolers, but for once you didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. Perhaps it was your consciousness pushing the thoughts away for the night as it was your last date before San left overseas.

“Ready to go?”

San was breathtaking.

It was no surprise that your boyfriend was a work of art, but there was something different about him tonight. Dark slacks accented his hard thighs a black turtleneck covered his bulging arms and slim waist with a gray coat hung snuggly over his frame reaching his calves. You always said his natural hair color suited him the best and it was true, especially when it was slicked back with a few strands falling over his exposed forehead.

You gulped harshly, “Yup.”

You placed your hand in his and smiled as his fingers thread through yours like the roots of a tree becoming one with the earth. Giddy smiles hid behind your masks but the sparkle in your eyes was brighter than the night sky and its million stars.

San stuffed your woven hands in the pocket of his large coat for the short walk to his manager’s car and then his hand found its long lost place on your thigh during the drive to your favorite restaurant.

You were addicted to his reassuring words and mellow touches.

San held his breath and was fully prepared to feel your body still at the skinship or for you to slowly pull away, but when you did the complete opposite – tightening your hold on his hand – he exhaled in relief.

The restaurant was made for celebrities to have somewhere to go and enjoy their time without noisy people and overbearing fans. They even had a no phone policy to maximize the safety and privacy of everyone inside, that way the possibility of scandals coming out were zero to none. It wasn’t everyday you went on expensive dates for obvious reasons, mainly because of San’s schedule but also because you felt bad for him paying every time. It was no secret San earned more money than you, being a literal idol, but you still made it work somehow.

For the first time in a while you felt good beside him. The unsettling dreams and thoughts of the future were as if non-existent and you didn’t want it any other way, at least for the night. Halfway through your second glass of wine San started blabbering about the tour. You wouldn’t say he was drunk, but rather relaxed.

“So where are you going first?”

He thought for a minute, “Mexico, Brazil, Chile and then Colombia.”

“Isn’t it your first time performing there? That must be exciting!”

“Mhm, I can’t wait to see our Latin American Atinys. I know some of them have been with us since predebut. Honestly I’d travel around the world just to meet them all.”

“That’d be the dream wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “It’d be even better if you were there with me.”

His small pout and glistening eyes made you laugh, “Because that’d be such a good idea. I can bet all my life savings it would end up in a disaster one way or another.”

“What? Why?”

You placed your utensils down, “San, honey. I don’t think you realize how popular you are, like all of twitter wants to fuck you.”

San stopped mid chewing, his eyes wide and brows raised to the roof. The loading wheel appeared above him and he smiled embarrassingly as your words finally registered, his teeth white but the tips of his ears burned red.

“Yah, don’t say that.” He suddenly looked away as if he wasn’t showered with compliments on a daily basis.

“Well it’s Atinys’ words, not mine.”

“You jealous?”

The cheekiness didn’t go unnoticed by you so in an equally teasing tone, you replied, “I can’t be jealous of something I actually get to do.”

And if there was anything better than a tipsy San then it was a flustered one.

“You shy, baby?”

He shook his head with a little ‘no’ that barely reached your ears.

The rest of the date was perfect – much to your surprise – and not once did the guilt ridden thoughts infiltrate your mind, not even when you passed a happy couple pushing a stroller on your way home or when you saw, what must have been, the biggest smile of the night on San’s handsome face. For a split second you thought everything would work out in the end. You’d overcome this obstacle just like you did with the move to Seoul or with the test you nailed after months of pulling all-nighters. But only for a split second because as the clock struck midnight your night took an unexpected turn with it.

“You need a place to stay for the night?” It came out more suggestive than you intended, however you didn’t mind.

“I don’t know, did you plan to sleep tonight?”

Your pointer finger rested against your chin as you pretended to think.

“If that’s the case then you won’t be getting any sleep tonight.”

A pair of very familiar hands grabbed your hips sending an electric feeling through your body despite the skirt separating your skin from touching. Your bodies fit like two pieces of a missing puzzle.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” you replied and threw your head back against the crook of his neck.

“Good.”

You were a feather in San’s hand and he treated you with care. Never too rough or foul, always considerate and kind but not opposed to it if you asked. He spun you around and stared at you with a million stars in his eyes, completely and utterly lost in the beautiful galaxy that is you.

San cupped your cheek and traced your bottom lip with his thumb. His touch stopped at the corner of your mouth, his eyes widened as you lightly bit down on his finger. Your warm tongue against his cold skin. Your parted lips pulled into a smirk and it spurred San to push his thumb deeper in your mouth, now laying completely flat against the wet muscle. The innocent yet sultry bat of your eyes drove him crazy.

Reassuring words and mellow touches.

He wanted you. He wanted to lick and nip at your skin, paint it full of violet and crimson clover. Make your writhe and turn in his hold until breathless pleas filled your apartment. He craved you beneath him, bare and vulnerable while he worshiped your body with praises and sinful words. He wanted to make love to you.

Yet he couldn’t.

Not when you were both haunted by your thoughts.

He slipped his thumb from your mouth taking the sexual atmosphere with it.

“Love?”

His eyes snapped to yours and he knew then and there that the art of love wouldn’t solve any of your worries, because at the end of the night he’d still travel halfway across the world with the nagging thoughts packed between his briefs and socks.

“Is everything alright?” You gently latched onto his wrist, thumb stroking the back of his hand.

“I love you,” San suddenly confessed.

A crease formed between your brows, lips glued together and eyes almost glossy. You were taken back at the sweet words but even more so at the way he was looking at you – almost sad.

“Where is this coming from?”

“I love you,” he repeated.

The scene wasn’t a sense of deja-vu, that much you knew, but rather a memory from a few weeks ago. A memory that was much sweeter and domestic than now. The response San expected to hear didn’t come as quickly as he hoped and through his tipsy vision he recognized a moment of hesitation.

“Honey?”

“I love you too, San.”

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He suddenly asked.

The loving touches and flirty banter went down the drain and you were left with a silence so loud and overwhelming you couldn’t think properly.

“What?”

“I said, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean something’s got you distracted.”

“There’s nothing going on,” you insisted stubbornly.

“Absolutely nothing?”

“San…everything's fine.”

“Except it isn't! I know you enough to see the changes. You barely sleep and this is the first time in days where I’ve seen you with a real smile.”

It broke his heart to see you slink from his embrace. Arms crossing over your chest and head turning sideway.

“Honey, please talk to me.” He sounded desperate.

“And I am. There’s nothing wrong.”

He raked his hand through his hair. The deep sigh whirling around your apartment.

“Don’t lie. Not to me.”

You stayed silent yet again.

“I’m here for you, always will be.”

“I can’t,” you whispered into the august breeze.

“What?”

“I can’t tell you,” you repeated a little louder.

“Why?”

“Because you’ll hate me!” It stung San into silence. “You’ll hate me and never want to speak to me again.”

He hungered for your touch, hands itching to reach for yours and as he took a step forward you took one back.

“You can’t keep it bottled up forever, love.”

“I can try.”

Tears formed in your eyes and your voice cracked. You tried blinking them away but they raced down your cheeks against your will.

“C’mere.”

That was all it took for you to fling yourself at him. Your hands gripped the back of his shirt, nails digging into the expensive material. One hand cradled the back of your head and the other supported your back, rubbing gentle circles against your knitted sweater. San leaned down and pressed a long kiss to your crown, lingering and breathing in the sweet scent of you.

“I can’t breathe without you by my side so if you think I’ll ever hate you, you’re wrong. My love, you could break my heart a thousand times over and I’d still find reason to love you.”

Hot tears soaked into his shirt and you wanted to disagree but the tremble of your lips told you to be quiet so you shook your head violently instead.

You stood there for a long time, in each other’s arms with soft kisses and soothing touches. The emotions swirling around the apartment were too big for your shoulders and the rational part of you knew that you wouldn’t be able to carry them with you much longer.

“I don’t want children.”

It was interesting how a four worded sentence could either be the demise or rise of a relationship. What path your and San’s would take was yet to be determined, but God did you hope it was the latter.

The argument broke out three days ago and while you've gone months without seeing each other, these 72 hours were by far the most excruciating period of your relationship. You didn’t ever think there’d be a person you’d miss this much. To see and hold, kiss and laugh with.

The first day was spent bathing in your own tears and snot. You were forced out of work by your co-workers as they didn’t buy your lie of ‘everything being alright’. It wasn’t like you could tell them your idol boyfriend of three years ran head first out of your apartment after an argument, absolutely not because you literally told him to give you space. So from nine am to nine pm you were cooped up in your bed, crying, scrolling through your socials, crying some more until you eventually fell asleep.

The second day wasn’t anything better, except for the three tubs of ice cream you inhaled. They were kept in the back of your freezer for emergencies such as these. With a quick pat on the back for eating something you pushed the containers aside and continued your self wallowing, dressed in one of your (San’s) hoodies that smelled of caramelized sugar. Your phone blew up with calls from your family. Everyone concerned about you suddenly going MIA, but not enough to pay you a visit which you were both thankful and bitter about.

The third following morning came around and you decided that it was time to get your shit together. You still had a job to return to and bills to pay. It was all going well too, you cleaned the apartment and got rid of all the empty ice cream tubs, made a home cooked meal for the first time in three days, you even changed your bedsheets and did the laundry. The last thing on your list was a well deserved full-body shower.

The frantic ring of your doorbell fell on deaf ears as water pattered on your bare body and the tiled floor. Your fingers worked through your hair, rubbing almost painfully at your scalp as shampoo water went down the drain.

It was first after you cut the stream and stepped out of the shower that you realized someone was at the door. With a roll of your eyes, you leisurely squeezed the excess water out of your hair and wrapped a towel around yourself. The chime of the bell didn’t stop and you were on the brink of insanity.

There were only two people with keys to your place; San and your mom.

Your parents had no reason for coming all the way to Seoul in the middle of the day and San…even though your relationship wasn’t in the best shape you knew he’d never turn up unannounced, whether he told you by call or text didn’t matter as long as he reached out. He said it was a way of respecting your privacy and as much as you didn’t care for that, it was heartwarming.

6:30 PM glared the digital clock on the console table in the hallway.

All you wanted was one normal day. A morning without spilling coffee on your clean clothes, an afternoon without stubbing your toe on the desk in your office and a night without someone trying to sell you cookies or whatnot. It’d also be so much easier to crawl beneath your sheets and cry yourself to sleep without a maniac creating the newest billboard hit outside your apartment, but hey each to their own.

As much as you wanted to swing the door open and bark out profanities at the nuisance, you knew better and opted with looking through the peeping hole. Never did you expect a soaked San to stand there, rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet while desperately abusing the doorbell.

San didn’t have time to react, neither at the door being opened nor for you appearing with only a towel. You took hold of his hand and dragged him inside to which he shut the door behind him and somehow managed to take off his shoes. You threw him a spare towel and disappeared in your room. San stood there like a kicked dog, ears flat against his head and tail certainly not wagging. A few seconds later you returned dressed in one of San’s many t-shirts and your pajama shorts, carrying a change of clothes.

You wordlessly gave them to him and escaped to your room again. San took that as his queue to get dressed.

The run to your apartment gave him barely any time to collect his thoughts, too busy with providing his burning lungs with air and keeping an eye out for cars and potential followers. So now that he stood, not in front of your door, but in your living room he was completely shitting his pants.

The cold and distant facade you managed to pull off in front of him crumbled the second you crossed the threshold of your room. You really strained all seventeen of your muscles not to cry and you could argue it was your best accomplishment yet as not a single tear kissed your cheeks.

“Hey.”

You looked up from your spot on the bed. Staring at your partner who stopped by the door. Your throat was dry and itchy, brain indiciseive of what to say and do. He wasn’t supposed to be here, that much you knew. Their agency had this weird rule of not allowing their idols out a day prior to their tour and it didn’t sit right with you knowing he went against their words, for you nonetheless.

“San, what are you doing here?”

Unsteady sleeping schedules, caffeine filled drinks and insomnia were the standard for idols. Anyone claiming otherwise was either lying straight through their teeth or had a great planning method something San could really use these days.

San was no stranger to succumbing to sleep at the early hours of the morning or not sleeping at all. The extra time was usually put into practice or perfecting his secret project, and sometimes something simple as laying in bed staring up at the ceiling.

But now it was hard to do any of that with you taking over his every thought. He found himself wondering about things that weren’t supposed to infiltrate his mind for the next five years.

Get married. Move in. Adopt a cat. Have kids.

A short list of things that were crossing the line between adolescence and adulthood.

The image of you and San doing that together spread a radiant smile across his face and his roommates, clueless as ever, couldn’t stop their own mouths from curving upwards. There was truly no other person he could think of doing any of that with and his heart was heavy as he realized he may never complete the list.

It took three calls from Seonghwa for San to acknowledge the older man sitting on the edge of his bed beside the open and empty suitcase.

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Seonghwa leaned back on his arms keeping him from completely falling on the bed and stared at San’s computer screen, nonchalantly watching as he played one of his many games. The elder had come straight out of his own room from finishing a youtube live – a youtube live San crashed for a good fifteen minutes before abruptly leaving – and although Atiny probably didn’t notice the change of behavior in the younger Ateez member, Seonghwa did.

San sighed as the last character of his team died and the word ‘defeat’ flashed in large capital letters took over the majority of the screen.

“San-ah.”

Said man placed his expensive headset on the desk and twirled in his chair, and Seonghwa had a feeling the glum look on his features wasn’t from losing the game.

“I’m not saying you aren’t. I’m just checking if there’s something bothering you. Something I can help you with?”

The prolonged silence did nothing to soothe Seonghwa’s worries. He closely watched the hesitation slowly crack through San’s facade – bottom lip caught between his teeth, picking at his nails and eyes glazed over, darting literally everywhere except at Seonghwa.

Cautiously, he asked if it had something to do with you and his suspicion was confirmed when their eyes met.

“It’s…complicated.”

“How so?”

“Because I thought of a thing and it turns out I was right.”

Seonghwa tried asking as few questions as possible to not overwhelm San, but the conversation wasn’t giving him much to work with.

“And what were you thinking about?”

San ran his hands through his black hair and looked as if he was racking his brains, he then violently rubbed at his eyes too. It was one thing to think about the whole situation and another to say it out loud, possibly speaking it into existence.

“You don’t have to te–”

“Starting a family.”

The trip to your hometown really did a number on him, Seonghwa thought.

Cheeks red and palms sweaty, San cleared his throat. A little embarrassed at the confession and for cutting Seonghwa off so abruptly.

“I was thinking of what it’d be like to start a family with her.”

“Starting a what with who?”

Mingi stood in the doorway with parted lips and eyebrows raised to the roof, wet tufts of blonde and black hair peeked from underneath the towel on his head.

“It was just a thought.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with it,” Seonghwa assured.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t really matter.”

“How come?” Mingi pressed, now leaning against the door.

“Because she doesn’t want a family…or well, at least not kids.”

Seonghwa and Mingi exchanged glances. All of Ateez knew of San’s adoration for kids. Heck, Seonghwa had front row seats to it and all. He remembered thinking how skilled San was with the twins and even with the energized boy.

But none of it mattered now. If what San said was true – which he had no doubts about – then your choice went above everyone else’s, including San’s.

“And how do you feel about that?”

San looked at the eldest. “There’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, sure I love kids I do, but I love her more.”

“Then I don’t see what the issue is,” Mingi chimed in.

“It’s still a bitter situation Mingi, and Sannie has the right to feel…upset. Have you talked to her?”

San groaned and buried his face in the palms of his hands, thinking back how it all escalated so quickly. The split second he tried processing everything, you’d already decided it was time for him to leave and pushed him out, crying how you needed to be alone. Too stunned to properly react, San did as told.

“I walked out…”

Dread filled their guts as Mingi and Seonghwa patiently waited for the remainder of the story. They hoped San wouldn’t say what they were thinking.

“She confided in me at first and then pushed me away, screaming at me to go and I…listened. ”

“Well that changes the trajectory of things don’t you think?” Mingi said after the minute long silence and Seonghwa shot him a pointed look.

“San, we are not leaving for the tour until you talk to her,” Seonghwa declared.

The elder had no lover of his own, but he had seen enough movies to know how these situations ended. Spoiler alert: a painful break up for both parties.

San shrugged, “I’m sure Hongjoong would like that.”

“And you don’t think your girlfriend would? Listen here. We’re supposed to leave for the airport at seven am, I’ll give you the night if you make amends.”

Seonghwa stopped before San, a wide smile on his gorgeous face. “Besides, a family doesn’t become a family when a child is brought into it. If you think about it, the three of us and the rest of the guys are like a family, right?”

“We are a family,” Mingi corrected.

“Exactly. So who’s to say you two aren’t one too?”

“I’m here to do what I should’ve done days ago.”

It was hard to look him in the eye. The sincerity in them had your heart in knots, tugging and tightening with your every breath.

“Can I come in?”

San had his arms by his side and hands balled into fists to keep them from trembling. There was no doubt in his mind that you’d be in his arms by the end of the night, but it didn’t stop his pulse from skyrocketing.

“You’re already here.”

A faint, appreciative smile crossed his features as he gingerly took the seat beside you. There was no real malice to your words and he was thankful because honestly speaking he wouldn’t know what to make of it if you still needed ‘time’. San straightened and breathed out a sigh as if letting go of all his nerves.

“I want to start by saying; I’m sorry.”

You snapped your head towards him, confused as to why he was the one apologizing. You were the issue at hand here. You were the one depriving him of something he wished for, you pushed him away. Not the other way around.

“I’m really sorry for pressuring you–”

“San, no–” You shook your head, tears already threatening to make their dramatic entrance.

“Just listen to me, please.”

And his desperate plea was their queue to waltz in much to your dismay.

San lifted your chin so he could see your face and frowned at the tears. “I'm sorry if I ever made you feel obliged to push your feelings aside for me. That has never been my intention and it never will be.”

He cupped your face gently in both hands and wiped away your remaining tears with his thumbs. It pained him to know the tears were inflicted by his doing.

“I love you.”

“San,” you whimpered, barely able to get the word out.

“Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe for me. I’m not leaving.”

That was your breaking point. You heaved for air as more tears blurred your vision. A heavy weight lifted off your shoulders as you found solace in his words and San felt his own heart break at your wails. Feeling embarrassed you abruptly stood up and put a hand over your mouth to stop the broken cries. Staying true to his words, San hugged you from behind and pressed you into his embrace. Chin resting against your shoulder as his arms went around your waist. You stood like that until your tears ran dry and cries turned into hiccups.

San whispered words of encouragement in your ear, lips grazing the skin with each pronunciation. Your feet moved with his as he maneuvered you to bed and under the covers. A meteor could hit the earth and he wouldn't leave your side. You laid there in silence with your back to his chest. His arm under your neck and the other curled around your waist, keeping you flushed against his front. Your occasional sniffles filled the gaps letting San know you were awake.

“My love,” he started and you shifted as a reply of acknowledgement, “remember that night at your parents’ house? When your mother said something to upset you and you stormed up to your room?”

You nodded while playing with his fingers spread across your abdomen.

“Do you remember what I told you?”

“That you loved me and nothing would change that.”

He kissed the back of your head. “I still stand by that. I love you. Not what you can or can’t give me. I love you when you cry and I love you when you laugh. I love you through your anger and grief. I love your kindness and selflessness.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, please. You should only apologize when you’ve done something wrong.”

“But I led you on. San, we want different things. You want a child–” your voice cracked and you drew in a sharp breath, “–and that’s not something I’m sure I can give you, ever.”

“That’s not true.” He sat up and leaned over your body, “I wanna cuddle you to sleep and wake you with breakfast in bed. I want us to buy furniture and assemble it together only to give up halfway through. I want us to bake a ridiculous cake that ends up in a flour fight. I want all of that with you!”

San planted a soft kiss against the back of your hand.

“Children or not, it won’t change the fact that I love you and I’ll continue to say it until all the trees are cut down, until the ocean dries out and all the stars go out. I love you. Always have and always will.”

His caring words drew a smile from you and the harsh knot around your heart slowly came undone. His affectionate eyes searched yours and he’d wait an eternity for your answer, but you didn’t need more time to know what you wanted. Your hands caressed the sides of his neck and with a quick pull of his neck, your lips clashed in a passionate kiss.

Reassuring words and mellow touches.

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stllmnstr · 3 months

Text

easy mode — a lee heeseung drabble

pairing: lee heeseung x f reader

genre: brother’s best friend au

word count: 2.5k

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, jealousy, (brief, non descriptive) vomit mention, veeeeery suggestive (but no explicit content/smut), sorry feminism I let heeseung win this round

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Lee Heeseung likes to do things the easy way.

It’s not that he’s lazy, just... efficient. A fan of the path of least resistance. He knows how to pick his battles and does so sparingly.

Heeseung minds his own business, keeps his eyes on the path in front of him and rarely lets them stray. And he definitely, definitely never pokes his nose into other people’s problems.

It’s a philosophy that keeps his head on straight, that allows his friendships to remain low-maintenance and sans drama. It’s what’s kept Jay at his side for the last fifteen years, even through the trials and tribulations of elementary school playground altercations, puberty-fueled fights in the middle school locker room, and most recently, the frustrating misalignment of their post-graduation work schedules.

Four years ago, Heeseung thought a bachelor’s degree would be his ticket to success, not a soul-sucking nine-to-five that leaves him itching for a drink or three most Friday nights. Luckily for him, Jay’s in the same boat.

But tonight, sitting next to his best friend on his favorite slightly wobbly bar stool, Heeseung almost misses the monotony of their usual Friday evening happy hours.

He’s nursing his third beer, which would usually go down like cold water, even though time and tipsiness have turned it lukewarm. Tonight, though, Heeseung’s eyes keep wandering towards the same corner table just over Jay’s shoulder.

And every time they do, the muscle in his jaw strains a little further. The beer on his tongue tastes a little more bitter.

Heeseung hates making things complicated. He doesn’t get involved. He doesn’t. But–

“Are you gonna do something about that?”

On the adjacent bar stool, Jay glances at Heeseung. “About what?”

Heeseung just keeps his eyes trained on that table, that spot over Jay’s shoulder.

Picking up on the hint even through the pleasant haze in his mind, Jay turns his gaze to follow Heeseung’s nonverbal cue. It takes him only a matter of seconds to locate what has his best friend in such a mood. Or rather, who. Although Jay isn’t quite sure why.

He’s digging for clarification when he looks back at his friend. “What do you mean? Did she do something weird?” It wouldn’t be exactly unlike his younger sister to do something slightly embarrassing in public.

Heeseung’s jaw just tightens further, betraying his annoyance. Finally, he puts words to his irritation, saves Jay from his suspense. “You’re gonna let that idiot put his hands all over your little sister in the middle of the bar?”

Jay frowns, turns over his shoulder once again to make sure he isn’t seeing things. He’s not. From this angle, at least, Sunghoon’s hands are at a perfectly respectable distance from you. Not that Jay could do much about it either way.

He tells Heeseung as much. “What am I supposed to do? Drag her out by her ear and force her to join a convent? Ship her off to a girls only boarding school?” Jay laughs humorlessly. He’s not exactly thrilled that you and your friends chose to patronize the same bar as him and Heeseung tonight, but he doesn’t want to linger on it either. In fact, he doesn’t want to do anything but forget his woes this evening, drown his sorrows in overpriced pints of whatever’s on tap. He’s perfectly happy with his back turned towards you. Out of sigh, out of mind and all that. “She’s twenty-two.”

And that wasn’t what Heeseung was suggesting exactly, but now that Jay mentions it…

“You’re okay with Park trying to play tonsil tennis with her then?”

“Dude,” Jay winces, setting his beer down on the bar, stomach suddenly queasy. “Gross. That’s still my little sister.”

Which is exactly the card Heeseung is hoping he’ll play. But all Jay does is sigh. If Heeseung didn’t know better, he’d think the exasperation was directed at him instead of the loser he’s pretty sure is currently trying to make himself Jay’s future brother-in-law.

Jay checks over his shoulder one final time for good measure. It confirms whatever he’s looking for. Mostly the fact that Park Sunghoon’s lips are too busy cracking mediocre jokes to be making sloppy passes at his sister in public.

Hoping to put it to rest once and for all, at least for tonight, he turns back to Heeseung. “Besides, it’s Sunghoon,” Jay reasons. He finds it in himself to reach for his beer again. “She’s known him since preschool. He’s practically like a second brother to her.” Jay takes a sip, misreading the rise in Heeseung’s agitation as familial affection. Trying to soothe it over, he concedes with a nod, “Or third, I guess. I’ll let you be her second.”

Like always, Heeseung lets it go. Goes with the flow, at least on the outside.

But even if he weren’t so committed to never rocking the boat, this is hardly the time or place to correct Jay’s assumptions that his feelings towards you are anything but brotherly. That, he decides, will have to be a revelation for another time. Preferably in a situation where Heeseung is well out of arm’s reach and Jay is in restraints of some sort.

Those, after all, are the only circumstances in which he could ever disclose just how decidedly not brotherly his feelings towards you are.

In fact, they’re a lot more aligned with that stupid game you used to make him play as kids. The one where you put on the white dress you’d gotten from your cousin as a hand-me-down, an assortment of grape juice, finger paint, and pasta sauce stains scattered along the hemline. The one where you’d gather a bunch of dandelions from your overgrown backyard and call them a beautiful bouquet. The one where you’d live out all your grandest six-year-old dreams of walking down the aisle towards a handsome prince with the latest Kidz Bop rendition of whatever love song was most popular on the radio setting the mood in the back.

The one where you’d drag Heeseung away from the player number two console, much to Jay’s unending annoyance, and force him to play the part of your groom. Even at six, you were a force to be reckoned with. An argument-winning fiend that even your older brother could rarely best in a fight.

Heeseung played along, more than anything, because he was scared to face your wrath if he declined. But he’d be lying if he said his heart didn’t feel a little funny in his chest every time he watched you walk down a makeshift aisle made with your mother’s missing tablecloth.

And Heeseung doesn’t give a shit how long you’ve known Sunghoon. After all, what does Sunghoon know about your childhood dream to get married in a garden full of roses? Judging from the way it looks like he keeps trying to get you to try his drink, he doesn't even know you can’t stand the taste of Coke mixed with liquor.

But Heeseung knows. He was there the night you developed the aversion. The night you decided bottom shelf tequila and the soda you snuck from your parent’s fridge were your best friends for the evening after junior prom. The night he held your hair as it came back up a few hours later.

And he was there for the rest of it, too. All the little moments, the big moments, and everything in between that spun the tapestry of your formative years. The day you finally got your braces off and didn’t stop smiling for three weeks straight. The time you sprained your ankle trying to hide Jay’s favorite pair of sneakers in the alarmingly tall tree in your backyard. The night you cried for four hours straight when you found out Jake Sim from biology was a big, fat, liar that was indeed texting other girls for homework answers.

There may have been moments, tangled up in that swirling mix of memories, when Heeseung felt nothing but a brotherly sort of affection for you. A desire to protect you from the world and a distinct sort of pride when he inevitably failed and you rose to the challenge anyway.

But Heeseung also remembers what it felt like to stand across from you as you recited your six-year-old brain’s attempt at recreating marriage vows, and he thinks he never really stood a chance.

Glancing over Jay’s shoulder again, Heeseung watches as you lean a little further into Sunghoon, straining to hear him over the cacophony in the bar. And the anger he feels in his gut is not brotherly in the slightest. Nor is the red, hot, scalding jealousy that burns his throat every time he forces himself to swallow it down.

Searching for a distraction, he busies himself with his beer once again, lets Jay’s unwanted evaluations fall to the wayside for the time being. Immersed in the dregs of his own despair, he almost misses it. The flash of movement as you slide out from your seat next to Sunghoon.

Heeseung mumbles some excuse about needing to go to the bathroom that Jay only partially hears before he’s stepping off of his bar stool, beer forgotten on the counter behind him.

Your footsteps are easy to follow as he traces the predictable path you forge to the opposite corner of the bar. Heeseung’s bathroom excuse was a good one, he’s pleased to discover, once he realizes that’s precisely where he’ll be meeting you.

The line is long, but it moves quickly. Only a handful of minutes have passed when you emerge again. This time, Heeseung doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t give you the chance to walk back and make him watch you from a distance for the rest of the evening.

Instead, he wraps the skin of your wrist in long, precise fingers, drags you to the adjacent hallway where it’s empty, quiet. Secluded. Away from any wandering eyes or unwanted ears.

Any protests of yours are overtaken by surprise, and by the time you finally find them again, they’re replaced by questions.

Heeseung may be a captain of a steady ship, a firm believer in the merits of smooth sailing, but he’s never been able to resist the urge of liminal spaces like these. Moments with enough plausible deniability that Jay won’t have a reason to give him a bloody nose or threaten his life if he so much as looks at his little sister again. Exchanges that he hopes will linger with you long after the two of you have parted ways.

Desire for ambiguity aside, the position he puts you in is compromising no matter how you spin it. Your back against the wall, and Heeseung leans over you, cages you in like he’s after something other than your answers, something more. But the gap between your bodies is deliberate, a way for him to backtrack if the situation calls for it, an out if he needs it.

Your wrist is still in his grip, light but demanding, when he finally says, “Park Sunghoon? Really?”

“What?” You hope you can blame the obvious breathlessness in your voice on shock. “What are you–?”

Heeseung won’t leave you wondering for long. “You think he can handle you?” With the way you’re wrapped up in Heeseung’s hold, the challenge, the comparison is apparent.

Your shock morphs. Hardens. “Handle me? Am I a wild animal? I don’t need to be han–”

And, oh, this is Heeseung’s favorite kind of tightrope. His very best balancing act. He loves it, thrives on it, revels in it. This exchange of heated words that never go anyway but to your head. He hopes you’re seeing fucking stars.

Heeseung leans an inch closer. He’s breaching dangerous territory. He’ll blame it on the alcohol if he has to. Glancing at your eyes, holding your gaze, he doesn’t think he will.

“Who said anything about you needing it?” He’s so close you feel his breath on your cheekbone, ghosting across your temple. “I’m talking about what you want.”

Something unreadable flickers through your gaze before you’re masking it with contempt. As if Heeseung is nothing but a pest, a fly to swat at until it stops buzzing. “Awful presumptuous, don’t you think?”

Heeseung only grins. “I don’t know.” He leans in closer. “There are a few ways we could find out, though.”

If your breath stutters, you’ll disguise it as a scoff. “Pray tell.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Heeseung inclines his head in a mockery of an apology. For a moment, he lets his eyes do what they want. You feel the heat they track in their path from your nose to your chin back up to your molten gaze. “I’d rather show you, and I don’t think I can do any of the things I want in public.”

You hate the way he does this. The way he never says what he means. The way he skirts around things with such heavy footsteps but still leaves you feeling foolish for drawing obvious conclusions. The way your heartbeat stutters regardless. But tonight, you’ll hold firm. If he wants anything from you, he’ll have to spell it out. “What are you saying?”

Heeseung is as evasive as always. “I’m saying that Sunghoon’s too nice for you.” There’s a hard edge in his eyes when he adds, “You’ll eat him alive and still be begging for more.”

Fine. If he wants to play games, then you’ll roll the dice too. Make scathing comments and heated taunts with whatever numbers you land on. This time, it’s you that leans in. “Should I make sure to find you, then? When I’m all done with him?”

You can’t tell if he’s furious or the most delighted you’ve ever seen him. “Careful,” Heeseung breathes. “That’s a dangerous game you’re playing at.”

“I’m not playing at anything.” It’s a blatant lie, but you’ve become well acquainted with denial, too. Picked up a few tricks from the ringleader himself. “You’re the one that dragged me here and started demanding that I ditch my friend.”

Heeseung smiles as if you serve no purpose but to amuse him. “You let all your friends look at you like that?”

“Only the ones I really like.”

But now you’re under his skin. “Careful,” he repeats, even lower this time. “I’m not as nice as him.”

You won’t heed any warnings, and especially not ones given from him. He’s all talk. All bark and no bite. You almost wish he would bare teeth, just once. “What are you gonna do?” Unblinking, you hold his gaze. “Handle me?”

A blurred line dissolves completely. Heeseung’s resolve slips, just a fraction. “Is that an invitation?”

“A challenge,” you correct, sliding out of his grasp, maneuvering away from his hold. This time, he has no choice but to turn as you begin to back away, to let his eyes follow your lead.

After his misstep, the results of this game are under your sole control. You have choices, ones that leave him in the dust and ones that put a trophy in his wandering hands. In the end, you discard it all. You have only one final demand for him. It’s a whisper that’s barely audible, “Rise to it.”

Heeseung doesn’t need to hear it twice.

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note: I was having serious heeseung brother's best friend brainrot on my friday evening and decided to make it everyone's problem. (you're welcome/I'm sorry). and thanks for reading! thoughts, comments, tags, reblogs, and screaming are appreciated as always <3

#enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen scenarios #lee heesung x reader #lee heeseung x you #heeseung x you #heeseung x reader #heeseung fic #heeseung fanfic #heeseung drabble

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janovavalen · 1 month

Text

✧SOMETHIN STUPID. || percy jackson x fem!reader

summary: percy jackson’s first days on camp were hell to say the least—fist day and he got bullied, but when he sneaks away to be alone he finds an interesting girl in the forest.

part one.

part two.

part three.

part four.

part five.

word count:

warnings: small curses (literally like one word and it’s not really a curse but it’s considered one) reader is daughter of athena, sister of annabeth, horrid flirting, reader lowkey not felling percy for the first half’s of this story line.

when the next morning rolled in, percy was ready for his day to say the least. not even. he thinks for the first time in his entire life he was actually ready and happy to wake up in the morning with the sun shining in his face.

wiping a bit of drool off the corner of his mouth he sat up and stretched. his arms raised up into the sky above his head while he groaned loudly. happy he was the only one in his cabin to do so but not as happy at the fact some people outside probably heard him.

not caring at the moment he bounced up and got on his clothes. his regular shoes and jeans with his curls ready to go thanks to a bit of water, he made his way outside and inhaled the fresh air.

some campers had been with their siblings or just friends as always. when percy walked down the steps of his cabin he heard—‘hey percy!’. looking over to see grover who had a wide smile on his face.

‘hey grover’ he waved back while waking up to him.

‘so; what’s the move for today?’ grover asked as they started to walk.

‘the move…? dude—i don’t want to think about it more than i am already, if i go i will literally go insane because i don’t know how to even speak to her…let alone look cool’ percy helplessly sighed while walking.

‘that’s because your not every cool’ grover teased as percy looked at him with wide eyes before pushing him with a laugh.

‘no but seriously dude, just be yourself! y/n is probably one of the coolest people here, she’s so nice, chill, and funny. just be yourself—‘

‘my awkward, non-funny and embarrassing self? yeah sure we can do that’ percy rolled his eyes as grover stopped walking along with percy as he placed a hand on percy’s shoulder.

‘percy, your not like that at all—well maybe a little bit that’s besides the point. like i said, just open up, be yourself and y/n will totally connect. if anything , the two of you are actually more similar than you think you are. she’s just as corny and weird as you are—‘

‘i’m not corny and weird—‘

‘uhm…well?’

percy let his jaw drop as he laughed a bit along with grover who stayed quiet but nonetheless percy understood what he was saying and he understood what to do.

‘i get it…i just need confidence’ percy shamefully admitted while looking off to the side. grover let the little him in his mind scrape the edges of all his brain before an idea came into mind.

‘percy…i know who we can ask. i know who will help you all that way’ grover confidently admitted with a smile.

ʚ 🌊 ɞ

‘wait…you and y/n are hanging out later tonight and you need my left on what to say and how to act?’ luke asked with frowned eyebrows as percy nodded.

yeah, grover’s amazing idea was to ask luke castellan one of the more wanted boys in camp, not only that but he had seemed to know what to say to y/n to make her laugh. so maybe if percy could pick up some things from him, he could get y/n to laugh too.

‘hm..man i really don’t know—‘

‘luke please! i need this, i need you to know how important this is!—‘

‘okay! okay, let me think’ luke rushed out as he stood up from the chair he was once in. percy tried to calm down a bit as grover stood against the wall with his arms crossed over his figure.

luke had been staring at the wall for a second before he snapped his fingers together—‘i got it’ luke got the two’s attention as they were all ears.

‘when you see her start it smooth, talk to her, walk a bit close but not to close, she doesn’t really like being close to new people but be close enough to where you can feel her, speak smooth, soft—not to jumpy and not to nervous, she will definitely think about that and make fun of you later to me or annabeth. be sarcastic, she is super sarcastic so be sure you know when she’s being serious’ luke listed.

‘okay okay, what do i do about how i act..what do i wear? what would you wear…’ percy asked as he looked luke up and down.

‘what would i wear? dose that matter—‘

‘just tell him’ grover groaned while holding his face.

‘well…if i were you going with y/n i’d totally wear sweats and her f/c jacket with the shoes you have now. make sure your hair is kind of messy but neat at the same time. also make sure your shoes are tied. if you trip in front of her, dude your done for’ luke warned as he looked down at percy’s slightly untied shoe which percy was quick to tie back up.

‘lastly? use some of that poseidon power, maybe make some water move and all and it will be so cool. she will totally dig that, she even likes swimming’ luke told him as percy stood back up and nodded.

‘dude, this is totally it, your going to do so well!’ grover ran over to percy who had been in deep deep thought the whole time.

what would he even talk about? what if he calms up, freezes mid sentence or what if he does end up falling in front of her? he didn’t know, he would have to find out in the next twenty minutes.

in these remaining moments luke and grover did their hardest to boost his confidence. percy would occasionally feel like he had it then remembered how much of a clutz he actually was and how awfully bad he was at speaking to y/n.

‘percy! it’s time, dude don’t be late you can’t be late she hates late—‘

‘well, sometimes she’s late but she doesn't like it when other people are’ grover corrected as luke rolled his eyes at the remembrance on how many times y/n would go off on him for being late to practice to only show up late the next day.

‘i can’t—she will think i’m weird, look what im wearing! my pants don’t even fit over my ankles and my hair is all dried out—‘

‘dude, you look good! you look awesome and your going to kill it’ luke calmed percy down who would have continued to rant for the next thirty minutes if given the chance.

percy sighed and closed his eyes a bit before combing out his hair and dusting his fit. turning to look at grover who gave him a wide smile and thumbs up for good luck.

‘okay…i’m onto my most important quest of my life, see you guys later if i don’t die from embarrassment and rejection’ percy told them as they rolled their eyes whilst percy walked out of the cabin.

looking around to the open view of the camp around this. it wasn’t very dark, the sun was still up and the sky was dimming with a faint color of pink. clouds were moving in small groups as they moved to other places around the world.

percy always found it interesting how the sky looked. let alone how it could change colors every other day. it could look so bright and beautiful with the colors and clouds and when the night fell it showed the stars that aligned with each other and the moon that shined.

getting a bit destructed as he walked slowly but kept his gaze looking at the sky every so often as he walked only to make a grunt as he felt a body hit his own.

‘oh—i’m sorry. i wasn’t paying attention and i didn’t see—‘ looking down to see y/n who had her hands in her pockets and her mouth closed in silence she shook her head lightly giving him a small—very small smile.

‘percy it’s okay, i wasn’t looking either’ she admitted as she pulled her hands out of her pockets to fix the three rings that sat on her fingers, shining in the reflection of the sun that set above the lake.

‘o—oh, okay. okay so i guess we have something in common after all’ he smiled lightly while looking at y/n who tilted her head to the side.

‘and that is…?’ she wondered. percy shrugged as if it was the most simple question asked.

‘not being able to stay in the real world without getting distracted’ he admitted. y/n let herself think about it for a bit before scoffing and looking away before back at him.

‘well, you can say that but i know when to bring myself back to reality’ y/n teased at how percy could stare at a wall and imagine anything and everything for three hours without moving. he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

‘no way you said that, i can do that any day, i can also read a book and finish only one without going into the next that same moment’ he teased back at y/n who rolled her eyes and shook her head.

‘hm, i’m not saying you win but im not saying anything else on this topic as of right now’ y/n said as she walked down the steps to lead to the dock of which was followed with the lake.

‘well then i guess i do win for right now and if you can think of something please do tell and share’ percy walked close next to y/n who shook her head once more.

the two of them walked down to the woody dock with the lake across them as the sun had been setting.

‘so…i kinda don’t know what to talk about—‘

‘i can tell—‘

‘but we can totally make some things up, how was training today?’ percy ignored her insult and kept speaking which y/n noticed.

‘it was okay. i need more training from luke tomorrow i slipped up on my sword today and it was embarrassing’ she revealed as the two of them made it down to the lake.

‘i’m sure it wasn’t as bad as mine’ percy tried to help only for y/n to say—‘it definitely wasn’t but i could’ve done better’ percy decided to keep quiet on the insult once again with a smile as he looked at her as she looked into the distance.

percy faced the water in front of them as he squinted his eyes ever so slightly with the yellow and orange light from the sunset his his eyes making it brighter than ever. turning his head to look at y/n who had her gaze set at the sky he examined her face. he found himself doing this quite often which he didn’t really know why.

he found it calming? interesting, fun, comforting and sweet to watch and draw out her facial features which she probably didn’t even know existed. the small beauty marks that were peppered over her face. the way her hair sat along her shoulders and neck, her face which shined in the light of the sun.

smiling to himself ever so slightly he sighed and found a small idea.

‘wanna swim?’ he casually asked. y/n looked over at him with frowned eyebrows and scoffed a laugh.

‘swim? in this lake? yeah no thanks—‘

‘don’t be lame! come on, when’s the last time you had fun?’ he turned his body to face her own as she did the same with hers to him.

‘the last time i had fun? maybe when i beat you in training the other day?’ she reminded leaving him to roll his eyes and cross his arms over his body.

‘no not that, i mean actual harmless fun? laughing and just hanging out.’ he asked leaving her to sigh and shrug.

‘i don’t know, i’m not a fun person—‘

‘that changes today then, come on!’ grabbing her hand as he tugged she yelped unexpectedly and pulled her arm back before he could jump with her leaving him to be the only one in water.

covering her mouth with both hands cupped she laughed aloud as he moved his way through the warm water around him.

‘percy!’ she yelled out with a smile as he made his way to the top of the water, his hair falling down onto his face and the curls being prominent. scoffing as he looked up at her, y/n had been drying with laughter.

this is the most he’d ever seen her do any emotion other than being cold stone serious.

‘are you serious!?’ he yelled as she laughed more—‘you're just a scary cat, really! the water isn’t even that bad’ he bragged while swimming up to the dock.

‘says the son of poseidon’ she hinted at leaving him to flick some water into her face which she responded with a gasp too.

‘percy jackson!’ she yelled while whipping her face.

‘you don’t need to be a kid of poseidon to have fun in the water, anyone can, that just shows how much fun you can have.’ he teased while moving his arms around in the water.

laughing a bit y/n slowly sat down with her legs beneath her as her arms held her body so she could lean forward.

percy had now been looking up at her as his own body fell hidden under the water. his arms moving to keep him floating.

‘having fun in there?’ she asked with a lifted brow.

‘you could be too your just so lame’ he exaggerated while rolling his eyes leaving her to laugh and shake her head.

‘i’m not getting into the water with you percy, you can have that all to yourself’ she replied with a grin of which he replied with his own smile. noticing the way her face looked with the shimmers of the water and how it shined around her, he smiled and looked over her face once more.

y/n noticed but froze, not knowing what to do, trying to see what he’d do himself. but at the same time she felt herself examining his face.

placing his arms on the low dock to lift himself up the two of them sat face to face which she was nervous about. the water dripping from his face and down his pointed nose. the curls dripping onto the dock below him, the once dry wood absorbing the water from his hair.

looking at her face once more he helplessly admitted—‘your so beautiful.’ his eyebrows frowning as she looked into his eyes she scoffed a bit and shook her head trying to leave only for him to jump into action and take her hand in his.

‘i mean it…i’ve been thinking this since the first time i saw you…your just, different—‘

‘percy…’ she nervously mumbled while her hand became wet with his own.

‘and i’m not afraid to admit that i’ve been waiting to tell you that. it’s like the more i see you the more i want to know? the more i need to know about you. i can’t really explain it but…’

as he stopped talking y/n nervously looked at him with her breath becoming shortened and her lungs screaming. her heart was beating faster than ever right now and she didn’t know what to do at all.

‘percy…please—‘

‘y/n…i like you.’ he admitted. she felt her heart drop down to hades castle .

‘i mean…i think i do? i don’t really know. there’s not much i can say because i don’t even know what the work like is i mean i can say i like blueberry pancakes or i like blueberries and the ocean but that a different type of like…the type i feel for you is different than blueberry pancakes, do you understand—‘

‘i cant…’ she said. his heart stopped.

nervously laughing with his hand slowly gripping and letting go her own he looked into her eyes and over her face—‘you can’t..understand? or you can’t…reciprocate…’

‘i don’t know? i just can’t—i have to go’ she snatched her hand back before leaving percy to stand by himself on the dock. wet, heartbroken and so so confused. was he just rejected?

the worst she could say is no? yeah well the worst she could say is ‘i can’t’

ʚ 🌊 ɞ

‘what’s do you mean she said she can’t—‘

‘that’s all she said! that’s literally all she said before leaving me standing there as i stupidly watched her leave! i thought i had this. i thought we had something going!’ percy embarrassingly whined into his hands as he sat with grover and luke who watched their friend handle the rejection.

‘oh dude…i mean it’s not bad—‘

‘she literally left me there alone and didn’t turn back!’

‘oh..well, there’s always other fish in the sea’ grover tried to calm but only making it worse.

‘but i wanted that fish!’ he exaggerated as luke looked at grover who held his hand over his head while picking his horns.

‘okay…listen we can’t let you act like that—that was far—‘

‘what is far was my heart that was ripped out of my chest and thrown into that lake.’ percy leaned back into the bed while he looked at the wood above him.

luke and grover watched as percy stared into the ceiling while replaying one of the most embarrassing moments of his life. groaning at the replay luke stood up heroically.

‘okay! okay…we can fix this…y/n is not one to leave a question unanswered…we will fix this percy. just give me some time, give me until tomorrow when i train her, i can bring it up and maybe she’ll tell me something i can tell you—‘

‘really! you’ll do that?’ percy jumped up from his sadness and excitingly looked at luke who nodded.

‘i’m ninety-three percent sure she’ll tell me something anyway. while i’m way it, grover can give you a signal when to walk by and you do not look at her okay? don’t look our way so she will turn around and see you and that’s when she’ll tell me’ luke planned as grover nodded and percy as well.

‘dude…you guys are amazing…but if i get rejected again i think im going to take my chances out in the real world and see what monsters come out for me.’ percy told them as they scoffed.

and yet again another plan had been formed.

percy didn’t think to keep a scoreboard anymore but let’s just say embarrassment one and percy zero.

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson #percy pjo #grover underwood #percy series #annabeth chase #luke castellan #Spotify

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sunflower-lilac42 · 4 months

Text

✧ 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 || flowers au ♔

summary: violet gets salty and posts her best friends showing that she doesn't need the people who were her brothers' friends first

warnings: none, i don't think

notes: this is the last thing i am going to post for flowers (just for a little while i promise). i'm going to work on my quinn fic and then maybe a few other things before coming back. anyways, this is kind of her clapping back at everyone and the start of her replacing people (mostly since they were luca and adam's friends first she realized that she didn't need 'pity' friends) so you're welcome if that is you wanted bc me too (except for luke because he's the best one of them all because even though he was friends with adam and luca first, luke will pick violet over them any day) and also a little fantilli sibling repair because they can't be broken forever. + a little bit of violet reassurance because she needs it from everyone. basically she's doing this because she feels like she doesn't feel like she tells them enough and is in a depressive state right now so... it's kind of like a call for help in a way but very subtle add yourself to the taglist ➵ taglist!

au masterlist | nhl masterlist | main masterlist

messyviolets

liked by ollie.barnes, thomsponjared63, mmcarthy06 and 498,630 others

messyviolets appreciation post 1/5. this week has been hard so i figured i would highlight my favorite people in a thanks for everything they have done for me.

i'm starting with the first friend i ever made when i got to uofi. she has been there for literally everything and i just couldn't be more grateful for her and everything she's done for me. she knows me more than i know myself and just, she's amazing i couldn't wish for a better best friend.

i love you olli

tagged ollie.barnes

view 149,589 comments

ollie.barnes i love you, v! you're are so amazing, you deserve everything, the whole world, the whole universe, literally everything

⤷ messyviolets crying

thompsonjared63 i ain't never seen two pretty best friends- oh wait, yes i have and they're my best friends too

⤷ messyviolets gay

⤷ ollie.barnes gay

⤷ thompsonjared63 right (sort of), but rude

mmcarthy06 i know them!

liked by messyviolets and ollie.barnes

justin.rolland94 we better be getting a post (it's okay, we know you love us anyways)

⤷ messyviolets ...no comment

user01 i feel like these next four posts are either going to be really heartbreaking or really cute

⤷ user02 i feel like we won't be the ones heartbroken

⤷ user03 i think some people are going to get a big wakeup call

user05 you guys are literally the cutest people ever

⤷ ollie.barnes thank you!

⤷ messyviolets you're so sweet!

user06 i think they forgot to save some pretty for us

user07 god really does have favorites

✧༺✎༻∞

messyviolets

liked by justin.rolland94, mmcarthy06, thompsonjared93, and 420,838 others

messyviolets appreciation post 2/5, the main five

following meeting ollie, we met these three weird guys that were moving in across the hallway from us and that led us to millions of memories. jared, mikey, and justin have been through the gutter with us and put up with our shit and i don't know why they haven't left us yet. this group has done some unexplainable things together but we do it together and that's what matters. but thank you for being my big brothers whenever i needed them and thank you for introducing me (and ollie) to the hockey team, doing god's work fr.

tagged mmcarthy06, ollie.barnes, thompsonjared63, justin.rolland94

view 126,251 comments

justin.rolland94 yay! she posted about us. i love you too, v. you're like my twin and i couldn't be more grateful to meet you

⤷ messyviolets i fear i broke him

mmcarthy06 awe v, don't get all sappy on us. i love you too!

⤷ messyviolets i will delete this post

⤷ justin.rolland94 just because mikey's being an ass doesn't mean you have to punish me and thompsonjared63 too

⤷ messyviolets if one of you gets it, you all get it

thompsonjared63 my little sister! thank you for helping me out with my calc homework

⤷ messyviolets i'm younger than you by like two days

⤷ thomsponjared63 two days that i have lived and you haven't

adamfantilli big brothers huh?

⤷ messyviolets don't worry, you and luca.fantilli will always be my favorite brothers

⤷ luca.fantilli and you're our favorite sister

user08 this group is just ahhhhh, she needs to post them more

⤷ mmcarthy06 yeah she does

⤷ justin.rolland94 call her out messyviolets

⤷ messyviolets i'm sorry, i know i do, i still love you

⤷ justin.rolland94 we know v, we're just messing with you

⤷ messyviolets thanks jus

user09 how is she so social?? i feel like she gives off major introvert vibes

user10 violet... give us more boy content. you always seem to find the cute ones

⤷ messyviolets i will get right on that, ma'am

markestapa i think the umich team is need of a post too...

✧༺✎༻∞

messyviolets

liked by nathan.dash, nick7andersen, emmett.joy and 518,142 others

messyviolets appreciation post 3/5, my hockey boys

like i said earlier, i wouldn't have met these guys without jared, mikey, and just. these boys are my found family, they are literally everything to me. they would do everything and anything for me and they are so supportive of me and everything i do which isn't common to come by these days. thank you for staying up late to study for my psych exam for me, thank you for going to late night mcdonald's runs with me, thank you for picking me up from parties, thank you for crying with me when i couldn't bare to be by myself, thank you for helping me through tough times, thank you for everything

tagged drakenilescox, a.varrassi22, aleklleskaj17, emmett.joy, nick7andersen, aidan.taylor10, justin.rolland94, mmcarthy06, thompsonjared63

view 155,443 comments

nathan.dash you're going to make me cry, v

⤷ messyviolets no don't cry!

⤷ nathan.dash we'll always be there for you, just call when you need us. love you

⤷ messyviolets love you too

aidan.taylor10 violet, i know what you're thinking. stop it

⤷ messyviolets i can't help it, aidan. i love you

⤷ aidan.taylor10 i love you

nick7andersen you don't need to say thank you, v. we do that because we want too

⤷ messyviolets ...i know

⤷ nick7andersen mhmm, love you v

⤷ messyviolets love you too, nicky

drakenilescox i'm commenting so when you see the notification you can laugh at my last name like you always do

⤷ messyviolets thank you, dray. i needed that

⤷ drakenilescox don't thank me... thank my dad. i love you violet (and stop it. i know what you're doing)

⤷ messyviolets i love you too (and i'm trying)

alexlleskaj17 we'll do everything for you, even if it's performing at one of your recitals

⤷ messyviolets omg i forgot about that! thank you guys for that, you were amazing

⤷ alexlleskaj17 and we would do it again, love you v

⤷ mesyviolets love you alex

a.varrassi22 like you said, you know we'll be there for you anytime you need, you're our little sister. i love you

⤷ messyviolets now you're going ot make me cry, anthony. i love you too

edwards.73 i thought you said you weren't replacing us

⤷ messyviolets sorry, didn't know i needed permission to have new friends. and i didn't know i had to listen to what you wanted me to do

⤷ markestapa that's not what he's saying, v

⤷ messyviolets i don't need my brothers' pity friends, but thank you

⤷ rutgermcgroaty v, we're your friends too

⤷ messyviolets are you though? or are you just friends with me becuase of adam and luca...?

⤷ user11 you dropped this 👑 messyviolets

⤷ messyviolets oh, thank you, love!

markestapa what's gotten into you

⤷ messyviolets not you apparently

⤷ _connorbedard oh shit

⤷ user12 shit just got real

user13 violets speaking out and i am loving it

⤷ user14 frrrrr, the tea is piping hot

user14 queen violet is talking her shit

✧༺✎༻∞

liked by lhughes_06, colecaufield, jackhughes, and 591,205

messyviolets 4/5 appreciation posts, my best friends

i know i say i have a lot of best friends, but truly, cole and luke are the best ones i have ever had (i'm sorry). these two have been the most supportive people in my life and it's making me cry to even write this. they have always seen me for who i truly am unlike others and it just makes me so happy to finally be seen for who i am and not who i remind them of

luke, when i first met you i couldn't help but call you a sunflower. you make the room light up wherever you go and everyone is always so much happier when you're around. i remember jack texting me to tell me how excited he was that you were going to be in jersey with him and he was going to be able to play in the nhl with his little brother. you have done so much for me and i couldn't be more happy to call you my best friend. thank you once again for seeing me as violet and violet only.

cole, i don't see you that often and that breaks my heart. when i met you at the lake house i was immediately drawn to you. i wish we could see each other more often so hopefully when the hawks play the canadiens i can come see you! i miss you so much. thank you for always making sure that i am okay whether it's a call once a week or even a text before you play a game. thank you again for making sure that you see me as me and not someone's sister.

you guys are the best and i wouldn't be where i am without you, love you guys so much

tagged colecaufield, lhughes_06

view 177,362 comments

colecaufield violet, what's wiht you and making people cry today. i love you so much and i miss you, you better come to a game soon

⤷ messyviolets i'll try my hardest, coley! love you

lhughes_06 violet, you are the most amazing person. i would choose you every day and any day over anyone and everyone. if anyone should be saying thank you it should be me. thank you for everything you have done for me, supporting me through my rookie season, through break ups, through class, everything. i love you violet, can't wait to see you

⤷ messyviolets uncalled for, lukey. this is my appreciation post for you

⤷ lhughes_06 i know you need the reassurance sometimes and i know what you're trying to do, don't do it, violet.

⤷ messyviolets you guys know me too well. thank you lukey, love you so much

markestapa so they get a post but we don't... didn't you meet them from adam and luca too

⤷ colecaufield look dude, if you're that mad about violet not being close friends with you anymore, so much so that you have to talk crap to her, then maybe you should move on and get over your crush

liked by messyviolets, _connorbedard, lhughes_06 and 17,982 others

user15 they are so cute... i love their friendship. it warms my heart

user16 i'm literally going to cry, cole standing up for her is the best thing ever

user17 mark's getting it and i'm here for it, he's a complete ass

⤷ user18 if anyone comes at violet for defending herself we're gonna through some hands

jackhughes thank you for taking care of him, v

⤷ messyviolets jacky, it's nothing

⤷ _quinnhughes it is though, v. you're his best friend and you make him happy. you are the best person ever, we love you too

trevorzegras keep doing you v, we all love you and support you

liked by messyviolets

✧༺✎༻∞

messyviolets

liked by _connorbedard, lukasreichel44, kevinkorchinski, and 629,175 others

messyviolets 5/5 appreciation post, the best for last, my hawks

after i met connor he introduced me to kevin and lukas and i couldn't be more grateful for that. the four of us have done so much together for only knowing each other for two months.

kevin and lukas are more of my brothers from another mother becuase i have so many at this point. we truly are just an iconic trio (or group when connor decides to actually join us for pictures)

connor, you're connor. you're amazing and thank you for everything, no words needed

tagged lukasreichel44, kevinkorchinski, _connorbedard

view 207,753 comments

lukasreichel44 oh yeah, we made it again boys. we are her favorites, i'm calling it

⤷ messyviolets don't expose me lukas

⤷ kevinkorchinski whoops, sorry. you loooooooooove us

⤷ messyviolets yes, yes i do

kevinkorchinski when are you coming to visit again???

⤷ messyviolets depends on who i'm going for

⤷ user19 tea!!!!! i hope she's talking about connor

liked be messyviolets and _connorbedard

_connorbedard no thank you's needed, v. you deserve the whole world

⤷ messyviolets connie...

⤷ user20 they are so cute

titobeauvi91 just a group of kids

⤷ messyviolets omg! hi tito!

⤷ titobeauvi91 hi violet

ryan_donato y'all are crazy

⤷ messyviolets ryan's here too??? where do you guys come from?

adam.fantilli how many times have you visited them

nhlblackhawks we love when you visit violet! you need to come visit soon again

⤷ messyviolets alright, who hacked the hawks insta?

caleychelios_nhl violet! we need to hang out sometime

⤷ messyviolets y-you're caley chelios. omg. i want to be you when i grow up

𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

if your name is crossed out it means i couldn't tag you

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banamine-bananime · 28 days

Text

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

#red vs blue #rvb restoration #lavernius tucker

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chocolatestrawberrymilk · 5 months

Note

could you do anemo boys hcs for your bday?

A/N: since there's five of them, i made each a bit short :( sorry, i hope that's ok! trying out formatting too hehe >:)

Characters: Heizou, Kazuha, Scara, Venti, Xiao

Warnings: None!

Heizou

In his birthday voiceline to the traveler, he mentions wanting to take them to some sort of locked room!

So I think he'd take you two to an escape room (do they have those in teyvat?...)

If you can solve the puzzles, he'd secretly find that really attractive.

Who am I kidding, "secretly"? He'd tell you about how cool you were the entire way home.

If you can't, he tries to drop subtle hints, enough to set you in the right direction but not enough to make you feel like you weren't doing anything.

When you finally got it he would be so proud!!!

He'd probably tease you for taking so long, tho

If you tell him to stop he will, but if you find it funny too, he won't stop with it until... well.... who knows, honestly.

He just wants the two of you to have fun :)))

Kazuha

ugh literally SO SWEET

DIABETES MATERIAL

Probably brings you breakfast, and does whatever tasks you have on the Alcor so you can sleep in longer!

Wakes you with a super sweet poem :)

His gift, honestly, is probably an entire notebook of poems written just for you!

When the Alcor gets docked and you guys get to go on land, he takes you to a bakery - in his voiceline with the traveler, he mentions wanting to get them cake for their birthday.

Makes you his specialty dish at the end of the day and you fall asleep together <3

Scaramouche/Wanderer

I know I keep mentioning their birthday voicelines but Scara's is literally so cute!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6fxFXU7w64&ab_channel=Michi <---This is it

So like in his voiceline he takes you somewhere pretty. Maybe he doesn't exactly know how to act or what to do on your birthday but if 500 years of existence doesn't give a puppet a catalogue of the most beautiful places in Teyvat I don't know what will.

Let's just say he takes you to Mawtimiya Forest!

Since it's in Sumeru he'd try to avoid Nahida, purely because he thought she'd embarrass him in typical older-sister/mother figure fashion.

She'd find you two anyways... she's the Goddess of Wisdom, after all!

Nahida would share some embarrassing stories of his hopeless pining while you three had a picnic on top of one of those weird blue mushroom thingies.

Eventually she'd leave you two to it, and you just decided to camp on said weird blue mushroom thingie and fall asleep under the stars!

Venti

Brings you to the Angel's Share!

Prepare for a nonstop onslaught of embarrassingly sappy ballads, especially when he gets drunk, lmao.

It's cute though, and most people come over at some point to wish you a happy birthday, whether you know them or not :p

If you somehow feed him enough food and water to get him back to a semi-sober state, at night, he'll take you up to the hands of the statue of him in front of the cathedral.

He'd somehow get EVEN SAPPIER, and now that he's regained some of his faculties, he's very poetic.

Idc HOW good you are at keeping your emotions hidden, he WILL make you blush at some point.

You two talk up there until you fall asleep and then he flies you back over to your house, leaving some dandelions in an empty vase in your room.

Xiao

Kind of like Scara, he takes you out to nature, but instead of there being a specific destination, the two of you just kinda go for a walk.

He's freaking out the entire time, because he's worried you're going to get hurt by his karmic debt.

In fact, you probably had to ask him to go on a walk with you, and he agreed only after he had cleared out the entire forest of hilichurls.

Catches some crystalflies for you, makes you some food using fresh ingredients, is overall really sweet (as much as he can be)… but you can tell that he's hiding something.

Eventually (guess what... I'm referencing the birthday lines again...) you ask him what's up and he finally shows you.

He made an adepti amulet to protect you, but was embarrassed to give it to you!

He tries to run away after that, so if you make him stay, you two can go into Liyue Harbor and get some food (something he hardly ever does, so you're special!)

Honestly, you keep him sane, so he's happy that he could give you at least one good day.

And that's it! Tysm for requesting! Future note tho I probably won't be doing requests with more than three or four characters, just so that I can make sure the writing is okay!

#xiao x reader #venti x reader #heizou x reader #scaramouche x reader #wanderer x reader #kazuha x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin x you #genshin imagines #x reader

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achillesuwu · 9 days

Text

Au where merthur have soulmate identifying mark but merlin is the only one who know they are because if Arthur knew he would find out about his magic 👀 (arthur's mark being a beautiful dragon mainly on on his back but its tall is draped on his torso, a wing stretch on his right shoulder, another end on his hip and its head rest upon his stomach. As if it were jealousy protecting him. its scale are of a blue so dark it nearly look black. It has golden eye and tread of gold on is horn, gold shimmer on its body highlighting its scale at some place.

It screams powerful sorcerer.)

And thus it doesn't change anything from the show. Merlin doesn't tell him not even at the very end (Merlin's mark is a smaller red dragon with its head on his shoulder and who is is holding itself on his shoulder)

It would be very angsty but also SO FUNNY if in a post return futur where arthur (Gwen, the knights) are very confuse and lost but luckily for them there exist multiple center for "People who got Teleported at the wrong place/Bought back from the dead? We are here to help!/ your five yo drank a weird potion? No problem! Etc" basically Magic help center.

Just imagine basic social worker sorcerers who tries to do their job at 3 am and see THE Emrys mark ™ on a random dude and they are like *gasp*.

Them : what the fuck

Arthur :???

Them :WHAT THE FUCK

the others :????

Them : we are calling your soulmate RIGHT NOW. WHAT THE FUCK should I call the government too???? I'M NOT PAY ENOUGH FOR THIS.

Arthur : my???

Them : YOU. DO NOT MOVE IF I LOSE YOU I'M DEAD. DEAD.

You can imagine arthur pendragon pacing like a 13 years old stressed before an oral presentation because even if he was afraid then thought he globally didn't really care about his soulmate. He realised that it wasn't so much that he didn't care but he thought it would simply never be so he just... Kinda forgot about it. Now he just can not put it away because is soulmate IS coming and WHERE IS MERLIN WHEN HE NEEDS HIM (he is blocking any thoughts about Merlin potential dead thank you very much)

(Gwen is currently finding the situation extremely funny because she figured out in 5x13 and she is 80 yo (in a younger body but still) . And she is waaaayyyyyy to old to see her former husband stay in his denial.

Leon is 78 years old and he is slowly recognising the dragon in question that look very much like Merlin's family crest. He is looking at his wife in a very conspiracy way.

Gwaine is currently not really giving a damn about the whole soulmate thing. What do you MEAN you can send messages to people in less that a second?!?!?

Elyan would usually not give a damn but he is very much not happy ™ to find out that his sister (first) husband had a soulmate mark who isn't dead and he is glaring at Arthur but he is also getting a hug from gwen so it doesn't look menacing at all.

Perceval (57) is right behind Gwaine but he is currently watching himself in the mirror because seeing his younger self again is weird asf

Meanwhile Lancelot is talking with the assistant (on the verge of a break down because they are going to see the GOD OF MAGIC OH MY GOD) about magical history

#merthur #fanfic #merlin #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #gwen #perceval #Gwaine #Elyan #leon the long suffering #lancelot #knights of the round table #soulmarks #My shit

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theminecraftbee · 1 year

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alright, so I’m gonna pass out and PROBABLY be asleep for when the vote rolls over unless I set an alarm. so, let me make one last propaganda post, this time of a different ilk!

hi, I have heard the campaigning or seen his posts and am curious. who’s joe hills and how do I watch him?

hi and welcome! whether you be an ally or an enemy or anything else, I hope you stick around after the voting is done! joe hills is a very cool guy and I hope you like watching him. he’s one of the hermitcraft creators, described as the “original new guy”, as he was the first new hermit added in season one. he’s been here for that decade since! joe was added to be a “wild card” and plays that role well, often having a reputation for doing weird things. when it comes to his in-game build style, he’s a big fan of scale models of things, as well as helping out on any and all community projects!

joe’s hermitcraft videos tend to be much lower-key than some of the others, normally with minimal-to-no music. they’re largely recorded on stream, though they’re edited in such a way that they don’t feel like stream clips, but more like “he uses his stream to film video clips”. he enjoys wordplay, intentionally taking storylines and ideas in unintended directions, and marching to the beat of his own drum. if you’re used to the pacing of people like grian (or, for that matter, a dsmp stream), joe’s style can take time to get used to, but if you miss the lower-key days of let’s plays, he’s a great option for exactly that!

this season, he’s making a giant model pinball machine for his megabase! it has pixel art of the jwst deep field on it, and will have scale recreations of pinball parts inside. he also participated in the king ren storyline, has built elvira’s house of horrors (and changed the landscaping to match the seasons twice), and participated in the crossover! give it a shot!

joe streams five nights a week, with his days off being tuesday and wednesday. his usual stream start time is 9:30 PM EST. however, he usually has an afternoon hhh bonus stream on mondays (around 2 EST), a morning crafting stream on wednesdays with cleo (around 9:30 AM EST), and recently, a thursday morning bonus stream with his sister, quinn hills, a musician (also around 9:30 AM EST). he also does other bonus streams depending on the day and his energy. as you may be able to see from this schedule, he’s streaming like, all the time, so feel free to stop in! he streams simultaneously on twitch and youtube, so choose whichever platform is easiest.

joe hills streams are of basically whatever he needs to do on hermitcraft; they can best be described as “hermitcraft behind the scenes”. they’re also weird but in a specific, ritualistic way. his face camera will get bigger and more transparent for every 20 dollars in tips. the first time this happens it can be disconcerting but you do adjust pretty quickly, and it’s part of the charm to me! additionally, he has specific songs he plays during his streams, from the album he and his sibling made! they’re often parody songs, but there are also several original ones, and they’re all original lyrics and recordings. you’ll hear “lay your head down and dream” specifically after the first two songs while he’s setting up; that’s effectively his nightly stream’s theme song. you’ll also hear the songs during hydration breaks.

if anything you’ve seen us say about joe intrigues you, I strongly recommend you give him a shot! I’d recommend either a nightly stream to get the sense of the “average joe hills content”, if you’re considering becoming a regular, or to check out his first episode from this season to get a good sense of what a joe hills episode looks like.

we’d love to have you around, whether you did the right thing and VOTE JOE HILLS or not! but, uh, still vote for him. for me, okay?

#mcytblr sexyman #joe hills #joehillssweep #anyone can add other useful ‘how to find him’ informTion I may have missed #I hope this is helpful propaganda!

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i9messi · 1 year

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Kissed by the sun — Pablo Gavi

You're two idiots in love, or also called, friends, who begin to discover your feelings on a trip with your families, after spending so much time together.

word count — 1,6k

gavi's masterlist

You were childhood friends with Gavi, both of you knew each other so well that you could easily recognize each other’s gestures and realize what you meant without the need to use words. For example, you could notice when someone of you wanted to leave some uncomfortable place through a gesture, or when you needed the other to interrupt the conversation, or when something happened and you didn't want to talk about it yet.

You were soulmates and your relationship was merely platonic.

Gavi had a few days off without any match for Barça and your families arranged to go on a trip. It was a one-week trip. Both of you were happy with the idea of enjoying the beach and basically spending time together.

But Gavi was a little different these last two days, he was quieter than usual and he looked at you differently. He wasn’t the same and you could sense that something was happening to him. He was treating you like you were a delicate person, and he looked at you with a silly face. Gavi was even easily distracted when you spoke to him, as if he couldn’t keep his thoughts in a thread.

So you decided to confront him.

"What happened? You wanted to make a joke and now you regret it? I discovered you."

Pedro kept in silence,

"Am I close?"

"Not even a little bit."

The next time you asked him, he told you nothing was happening to him, that you were imagining things. So you came to the conclusion that when he felt like telling you was right, he was going to tell you. And you were going to wait, because after all, you were friends.

It took Gavi one day to finally open his mouth. You were both sitting on your beach chairs, sunbathing on the beach. The waves collided and your families were in the sea.

"Okay, maybe I have a little crush on you. It’s recent."

You would never have expected the Pablo you knew would tell you that, the same Gavi you fought to steal his food from, the Gavi who talked to you and treated you like a sister. Never, ever, would you have thought that he might have any feelings for you. Or anything small as a silly crush for you.

"Oh."

Gavi didn’t seem too convinced of your answer.

"I wasn't sure about telling you, we are on vacation together with our families and I don’t want to lose your friendship. I don't want things got awkward after this"

"This doesn’t change anything between us, Gavi. It’s fine."

But, his confession changed things. You started noticing different things about him. Not as a friend, but as a lover. Like the way whenever he got mad at something stupid, he’d make a pot. His brown eyes started to look beautifully to you and you started counting his moles. His face was now tanned by the sun and the summer was too good for him.

You paid attention to the way Gavi looked at you with that smile, and you wanted to be the only one he gave it to. Without anticipating it, you had also begun to develop a crush on him. A crush on your childhood best friend, weird, right?

"Can we have a date night tonight?" you asked, as you looked at your phone. Both of your families were gone, so you called Gavi to stay with you in your bedroom. Aurora was there too, but she was too busy speaking with her boyfriend.

"A date like friends, right?"

"Yes, I mean, like we always did before."

This time, things were different. The tension on the Uber could be cut with a knife, you didn’t know what to talk about and were silent. Once you got to the restaurant, a place that had marine decoration, some people came over to ask for pictures and autographs, and while you were waiting for Gavi, you sat alone at the table. He didn't take long, he sat in the chair in front of you.

"I’m here, are you okay?"

"I've missed you."

He smiled at you, "It was only five minutes, dramatic."

"Well, we were constantly together for the last four days."

Both of you were incredibly nervous. It was probably the first time in the trip that your family or his family weren't close. You were alone, just the two of you.

"You’re blushing, bonita."

You covered your cheeks with your hands, he was right but you were never going to agree.

"I’m not, Gavi. I was just kissed by the sun."

"You’re so adorable. I'm jealous of the sun, because I want to kiss you."

"Just shut up."

He was probably lying or not saying that seriously. You’d always thought Gavi was adorable, but now the feeling was getting stronger. You were afraid to do weird things if you also admitted your silly crush on him. You didn’t want to create false expectations, even if you were sure of what you felt. It was all very recent, and you had a friendship of many years.

"About my sister... I told her about the little crush I have for you, so if she says anything, or you’re uncomfortable, let me know. She can be a little weird with some things."

Suddenly you felt more nervous. You shared a bedroom with his sister and she had never said anything. Once you finished eating and after talking, you headed to your current house. The families hadn’t arrived yet and the only one there was Aurora, Gavi’s older sister. Aurora greeted you with a hug, looking at her brother and winking at him.

"There's my favorite girl."

"And there’s my favorite Páez Gavira sibling."

"Shh, watch out that Gavi is going to get jealous."

"I’m not jealous." Gavi replied instantly, stepping forward to open the refrigerator and grab a bottle of water.

While the siblings were chatting, you apologized and went to the bathroom. Not only did you want to pee, you also needed a moment to think about you and Gavi. Having a date had been weird, more so when now you weren’t just two friends, there were feelings involved as well. You returned quietly to the living room and unwittingly, you heard a conversation that was between the two.

"When will you tell her you’re totally in love? I wouldn’t say it’s a silly crush, you’re in love to the bone, Gavi."

"I don’t want to ruin our relationship, what if I tell her the truth and she walks away? I don’t want to lose a friend because I fell in love with her."

You went back to the living room when they stopped talking and you acted like you hadn’t heard the conversation. You sat in the middle of the two and played FIFA with Gavi. The moment your friend said he was going to look for something in the kitchen, his sister came closer. You watched her raise his eyebrows, making a hint.

"When are you gonna tell him?"

"About what?"

"You have to tell him how you feel, I’m tired of seeing that none of you seem to notice. You're two idiots in love."

"I’m scared to tell him the truth and our friendship will be ruined."

Aurora laughed, "You will have the same relationship, it will only change that you will kiss and be more romantic, the rest will be the same. If you two already behave like a couple, anyway."

You thought about that. The moment Pablo came back, Aurora made an excuse, saying she had to go and do something. You kept playing with Gavi at the Playstation. You both laughed and fought because you were competitive. Gavi was competitive for everything, not just football.

"Hey, Pablo."

There was silence, he was focused on the screen. You called him back and he turned to look at you. His brown eyes were beautiful.

"What’s up? Are you cold? I can turn on the heat or I can give you my jacket."

"No, I’m fine," you took a breath. You were in summer, by the way. After thinking about that, you knew it was now or never.

"Remember when you told me the other day you had a crush on me?"

"Yes."

"Do you still have it?"

"Why do you ask?

Gavi looked at the screen again and you gave him a pull of hair, so he could see you again.

"Answer me, dummy."

He looked you in the eye, so it seemed like an eternity. You thought you had to repeat the words, because maybe Gavi hadn’t listened to you, or that, too, it might have been that he was stunned to see you. A second later, he finally spoke.

"Yes, and it gets stronger every day."

You smiled. It was weird, it was weird to feel happy about that. You were one decision away from improving the relationship you had or ruining it at the root.

"What if we kissed to see what we felt? To clarify our doubts?"

Gavi just nodded, saying nothing. He left the joysticks aside to sit face to face. He was the one who joined his lips in a kiss, when he did, everything was so obvious. There was nothing you could say to hide the truth. You felt things, butterflies in your bellies. It wasn’t a single butterfly, it was a dozen.

"I also have a silly crush with you, Gavi."

"Mmh, should we keep kissing all day long to clarify your doubts?"

"No need to clarify, but I'd like to kiss you forever."

Sadly, your families returned back too soon.

#pablo gavi fluff #gavi #gavi x reader #pablo gavi drabble #pablo gavi one shot #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi #football imagines #football player fanfic #barca #football players #barcelona fc

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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AITA for telling my ex-fiance not to hang out with my little sister?

I (24F) recently broke up with my boyfriend/fiance of five years B (29M). He has always been close to my younger sister S (16F) and she considers him an older brother. The breakup was amicable for the most part and since B is really close to my family and doesn't have much family of his own, initially I was fine with him continuing to hang around. I am currently living out of state, so I don't have to see him. It didn't bother me to know he was hanging out in my parent’s house or anything. He has also been picking my little sister S up from school since he works at the school and it’s easy for him to drive her home every day. However, I found out from my mom that he has recently started taking her places like McDonalds and Starbucks after school, buying her food or whatever, essentially spending a lot of time with her. I told my mom I wasn’t comfortable with that, and I told B, as well. He was obviously annoyed but said he would respect my boundaries. S is angry about the situation, though. She says I’m being selfish and making things weird, he’s like a brother to her, etc.

But the problem I have with it is more complicated. My family didn’t originally know all the details of the breakup. They thought it was just because I moved out of state for grad school. But it also has to do with some pretty major lies B admitted to shortly before I moved away. One lie had to do with the fact that he’d been married before and wasn’t even sure if he was legally divorced or not. I had no idea about any of it. Needless to say he lost my trust. I also remember when our relationship first started, he told me that his last relationship ended because he “fell out of love with his girlfriend and started having feelings for her younger sister.” I had never thought about it too much before, but now I think the younger sister in question might have been underage, just based on some other casual remarks and context clues. Obviously, I am worried the same thing is happening with my sister. I definitely don’t trust him as much as I used to, but I don’t think he would do anything inappropriate… but I don’t know…. I’ve started questioning a lot of things that happened over the years that might have been red flags I ignored at the time. Clearly he’s capable of deception. I just don’t trust him anymore and I don’t want him around my sister (or any of my family, really). I explained my reservations to both my mom and my sister – my mom agrees with me, but my sister does not, and she thinks we’re being unfair and mean to him. I’m certainly not going to change my mind and if that makes me the asshole, so be it. But I am curious to hear the opinions of non-biased people. So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ghouljams · 10 months

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Two Cowboys on an adventure, one Nun very bothered by both of them. Soap and Moon play cat and mouse. Moon doesn't give Soap enough credit, there's a brain under those muscles sweetheart...

Ghost stops him before he can reach the door, holding up neatly folded bills and looking more serious than usual. Goose has really loosened him up, Soap's impressed.

"Bourbon, I know she has some." He says, well, commands.

"Bourbon, got it." Soap moves to swipe the cash and Ghost pulls it away.

"I don't think you do," Ghost narrows his eyes, taking in the way Soap bounces on the balls of his feet impatiently, "I want bourbon, good bourbon, do you understand?"

"Aye, bourbon, am I not speaking english?" Soap tries for the bills again and is once again thwarted. He gives an annoyed groan.

"Now what I'm afraid you heard was ‘any liquor thanks’-" another annoyed groan from Soap "-and if you come back with some shite scotch or more moonshine because you were too busy talking to your little nun I will murder you," Ghost clarifies. Soap rolls his eyes.

"You are out of your mind if-" Ghost fixes him with a warning look and Soap scowls, "You come with me and you dinnae hafta worry your soft British behind, how's that?"

Soap has to admit there is something to traveling anywhere with Ghost that makes him feel just a wee bit more badass. It’s the stern set of his shoulders and glowering, Soap thinks. Ghost hardly offered a greeting to the nun that opened the door for them past a short nod, all business. It was enough to keep the usual banter off the table before she yelled for you to come sort them out. You took one look at Ghost and just about dragged both of them to a more private room. Grumbling about making a scene and scaring the sisters. At least he had a reasonable request.

“You’re saving my hide, Hen, really.” Johnny tells you, leaning far too close to be proper. You shrug and grab the best kentucky bourbon you have for the good ol’ boy in the skull mask. For once you’re glad you keep the harder to get stuff in your office.

“All in a day’s work.” You grumble, hesitating when you try to get around him. He is really close, blinking down at you like he doesn’t understand what the problem with that could possibly be. “You’re Goose’s boyfriend, right?” You ask, still staring up at Johnny. Johnny snorts and turns away from you to look at Ghost.

“That all you are now? Mr. Goose?” He asks, and though you don’t see any physical change in Ghost there is a different air about him.

“Proudly,” He says without a hint of… anything, it’s weird hearing a tone that flat, “that my bourbon?”

“Best I’ve got,” you tell him, setting the bottle on your desk as he sets cash down. You swipe the bills and flip through them, taking what you need and handing the rest back. He hands you back an extra twenty, you like this guy, he’s welcome back any time. “I’m surprised you didn’t already have bourbon. The Prices keep a stocked bar.”

Ghost hums, turning the bottle over in his hands, “Not a drop of decent liquor in that house.”

“Harsh,” You tell him, because your liquor is in that house. He doesn’t bother responding, just turns on his heel and stalks out of the room.

“We’re out in ten Johnny.” You hear from somewhere near the front door. You turn your attention back to Johnny.

“What about you? What do you need?” You ask him, watching him sit on the edge of your desk.

“Ah cannae come just to chat?” He asks with a smile, you narrow your eyes at him.

“No.”

“Shame, that’s what I came to do.” His smile doesn’t falter, you get the feeling most people don’t say no to John MacTavish.

“We can’t have men coming in here just to chat,” You tell him, making a point of walking around his manspreading to get back to your side of the desk.

“Because people will talk?” You glare at his teasing, not happy about his tone.

“Because any house with more than five unrelated women living in it can be considered a brothel, and we are trying to maintain our exemption status, yes.” He twists to look at you, trying to gauge how serious you are.

“What if I’m making a donation?”

“Then make a donation.” You raise a brow at him. Johnny opens his mouth to say something and thinks better of it, shaking his head.

"How'm I supposed to talk to you, Hen?" He asks, hitting you with some serious puppy dog eyes. You do your best to keep up a solid frown, you've never been one to give into a man's ego and you aren't going to start now. "I'll ask Goose," he tells you, hopping off your desk. You're very suddenly faced with the entirely too real possibility of seeing this man outside of business transactions and it makes you panic a little.

"Why do you want to talk to me?" You blurt out, trying to say anything other than 'please don't chase after me, you won't like me when you realize this is all there is.'

"Never talked to a nun before," Johnny tips his head as he thinks, "Why wouldn't I want to talk to a Bonnie like you?"

"I'm mean," You tell him, because it's what everyone else has always told you. Johnny shakes his head.

"Don't believe that for a second, sorry lass." He checks his watch, "mean people are defensive people."

"What if I'm just mean?" You scrunch your nose, trying to keep some level of distaste for this stupid observant charmer.

"Then I like mean," he smiles, but it's softer, it makes you nervous, "Besides, there's nothing you could dish out that I couldn't take. I've had drill sergeants bigger and meaner than you, if that was enough to scare me off I'd never have made it this far."

You open your mouth to say something, as he walks to the door, but it feels like he's backed you into a witless corner. "You'll be seeing me Hen, don't worry." He calls over his shoulder, you throw one of your pens after him as he shuts the door. Who the fuck is teaching this guy mean person secrets?

Ghost glances up from his phone as Soap walks towards the car, snuffing his cigarette under his boot. "What's that," he nods at the keys Soap twirls around his fingers.

"Nicked 'em off Moon's desk," he says, walking to hop in the driver's side. Ghost pauses his entry into the cab briefly.

"You're stealin' from nuns now?" Ghost asks, smacking the radio as Soap starts the car. He hits it a second time and it sings to life.

"Just the ones I like." Soap tells him, peeling the old truck out of the nun's driveway. He'd give it an hour, he couldn't wait to hear from you.

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lokisprettygirl · 11 months

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Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 23 here //Series Masterlist

Chapter 24

Summary : Are these dreams just coincidences or there's some truth to it? You were about to get all the answers.

Warning: 18+, gratuitous smut, soft Dom Loki, dirty talking, sub space if you squint, mention of stalking, mention of psychological torture, angst, insecurities, ptsd, self deprecating behaviour, panic attack, praise kink, soft precious bean loki,

You stared at him for a moment as you tried to make sense of his words, how did he know? How did he know what had happened in your dream?

You remembered that day clear as today, you had approached Shawn and you told him why you were talking to him and he immediately went off as he called you a pervert and what not, once in a while the memory did prick your heart so you had just assumed that maybe seeing Loki instead of Shawn and having him treat you so nicely was the way for your brain to heal the hurt you still felt from that embarrassing ordeal.

Your mother proposed that you should spend the night there instead of going back to the hotel so you agreed and as you both reached the guest room you immediately locked the door and turned around to look at him

"How did you know? How do you know what happened in my dream?" He sighed as you said that and sat down on the bed.

"Come here" he tapped the side of the bed so you walked towards him but instead of sitting on the bed you climbed on his lap instead, your arms wrapped around his neck as you pecked him softly.

"This is going to sound very strange darling but I think we both had the same dream" you chuckled nervously as he said that.

"Are you messing with me?"

"I know it does seem like something i would do but i am not messing with you I promise"

"How is it possible?"

"I honestly have no clue but I think these weird dreams we have been having from past few days are not just coincidences. I fear there might be some truth to it, maybe it's something that was supposed to happen but a slight change in our paths diverted us from our destination"

"So that dream I had about Stephen.."

"It is possible that It may have been your reality elsewhere" you got off his lap as he said that.

"I don't understand..I'd never marry Stephen, this is all just a huge coincidence lo" he noticed how terrified you looked at the moment so he grabbed your arm and pulled you onto his lap again.

"It could be darling, it really could all just be a coincidence but it's still a substantial one don't you think? We would have met years before if I had come here the way me and Thor had planned" you looked at him shocked as he said that.

"What do you mean?"

"I was supposed to visit Midgard Along with Thor and the warriors three the same day you were at the fair with your sisters, you were supposed to meet me there" your eyes widened as he said that.

"Really you all had that awful bet with each other?" He cleared his throat as you questioned him.

"I am for certain not at all proud of my deeds in the past"

You smiled as he said that so he cupped your cheeks and pulled you closer to kiss you.

"But you really think you would have ..I mean…there were so many people at the fair, did you really notice me?"

"I told you I'd find you anywhere anytime" your eyes teared up as he said that.

"Are you saying that we were meant to be together? Soulmate type of stuff?" He let out a laugh as you said that.

"Not really, i do not believe in that –"

"Then what does it mean? What is all this about?"

"What I'm saying is that our paths were meant to collide, perhaps you were born to become mine someday precious y/n"

Okay that was a very sexy way to put in words.

"We could have met five years ago? Oh godddd" you got off his lap again as you realized that.

"Princess calm down"

"Noooo this is weird don't you see it? It's kind of creepy to be honest"

"It certainly is and I have no clue what I'm saying darling, maybe all these dreams are just a way to look into how our life had turned out if we made different decisions"

"Yeah that is possible, maybe it's just a coincidence"

He sighed as you said that.

"What?"

"Remember when I told you that I had a feeling there was another Stark the day I had escaped with the tesseract?" You nodded as he said that "and there were two Captains as well"

"Yesss what about it"

"What if they were from the future, from an alternate timeline "

"Ohhh God noo loki no"

"That would make sense, may be I was never to be in the possession of the tesseract, maybe I was supposed to go to Asgard and be prisoned for life"

"We wouldn't have met" he nodded as you said that.

"And we possibly didn't until–"

"Until what?"

"That party, your ex husband's birthday celebration where he had invited me"

"Why would I ever marry Stephen, he was rude and arrogant..it doesn't make any sense" you placed your hand on your forehead as you tried to make sense of these words.

"That is true"

"I don't want to think about it anymore it's scaring me" you sat down on his lap again and kissed him softly but it soon heated as he kissed you back with deeper intensity.

"Though I have to say it would have been amazing to meet you there, getting to spend my late twenties with you would have been blissful " your voice choked up as you mumbled against his mouth.

"I know sweetheart, it hurts to think of it now, perhaps if I had a companion such as you I never would have lost myself so tragically, perhaps instead of running away from who I was i would have run to you instead and i know deep down in my heart that you would have brought me back from the brink of the madness the way you have done in the past few months"

You hugged him tightly as he finished his words, he wasn't wrong. Maybe you two would have helped each other, several heartbreaks, several betrayals, all of those moments where you felt like giving up on everything, where living with yourself only got harder and harder, maybe you wouldn't have suffered so much if you had a friend like him in your life.

Yeah having him back then would have been a blessing but you were blessed to find him when you did, you were just glad that you did because if those dreams from the past are real then those dreams from the future must be what may have happened if Loki hadn't picked up the tesseract that day, you wouldn't have gotten the chance to see him or have him by your side for few more years, no you'd rather have this then whatever mess you had made out of your life. Marrying Stephen strange? What made you do that?.

Next morning Thor picked you both up and he dropped you both to New York at the Avengers towers since Loki had to be at a meeting. You wondered if you were going to travel via an airplane ever again. You did save time, money as well as the environment so it's not that you were complaining, just a thought you had.

"Just stay here and relax, I will return to you in an hour" he made you sit down on his bed as he said that.

"That's a long time what I'm going to do until then" you made a pout so he smiled, the mischievous smile on your face made him believe that you were teasing him.

"Hmm that is a huge problem" you smiled as he cupped your cheeks and leaned down to kiss you.

"It is, I'll just touch myself while you're gone" he gasped as you said that.

"Don't you dare do that"

"Are you telling me what to do?"

"Yes, and you're going to follow my commands like the good princess you are"

"We will see"

He shook his head before he made his way to the door, he turned around to look at you one more time and smiled before he left and then he was gone. His heart felt full, for once in his life he felt completely at peace.

You sighed and laid down on the bed but just to tease him further you pulled the straps of your dress lower and squeezed your arms to enhance your cleavage, clicking a naughty selfie you send it to him.

"You look lost, everything alright with lady y/n?" Thor asked him so Loki sighed. He knew he was going to come across as insane if he was to share the whole dream reality possibilities with anyone else.

"You adore her do you not?" Thor chuckled as Loki said that.

"You remember how we used to pretend that Lady Sif was our sister when we were childrens?" Loki smiled as he reminisced about his childhood.

"I do remember fairly well brother"

"I think I have found a real sister this time, so don't do anything that would make me lose her" Loki smiled and nodded in agreement, every woman he had ever been with in Asgard always salivated after his brother, there were plenty of times when they both slept with the same woman because she wanted Thor, you were the only woman he had ever known that picked a fight with his brother the first time they met, you always had your eyes on him only.

He knew he shouldn't have checked his phone in the middle of the meeting but he made the mistake and had an instant hard on, he could only see the curve of your bosom and even your full face wasn't visible but he saw your luscious plump lips and all he wanted to do was run to you and kiss you but he was stuck in a meeting instead.

When he went back to the room, he found you sleeping on the bed on your front, you made him wide awake and then went to sleep peacefully.

As you heard the door shutting you opened your eyes and looked at him, he waved his fingers and you noticed the bulge in his pants so you sat up.

"You know it's good for my ego that you find me so desirable" you crawled towards the edge of the bed and he closed the distance between you two.

"It's easier to hide the evidence of my arousal but it still pains me, I sat there for an hour just wanting to rub myself against you" you bit on your lips as he said that .

"Mmm can't you just magic away the pain or numb it?" You asked as you sat down on your knees and hooked your fingers around the loop of his pants to pull him closer, after unbuttoning him you pulled the zipper down, his eyes remained transfixed on your face.

"I certainly can, darling but what is the fun in that?"

"I have been dying to do this" his cock twitched at your words, your voice remained low and whispery. You wrapped your palms around his ass and pulled him closer to your face, his cock hit you right on the mouth.

He conjured a hair tie and you gasped at the beauty of it, it was thin and black but had studded beads decorating it, it wasn't ordinary, nothing about him was ordinary except you. He pulled your hair up in a ponytail and tied them with a band then he clutched them with his fist and pulled your hair slightly to make you look at him, leaning down he kissed you softly

"I love you, you will tell me even if you are feeling a smidgen of discomfort alright?" he murmured against your mouth and you squirmed on your spot. How did you get so lucky? How did you end up finding a man that loved you this way?

"Yess god"

"Is that how you're going to address me"

"Mmmhm do you like that?"

"Absolutely, i am your God darling"

His fingers scratched your scalp in a soothing manner as he kissed you, you unbuttoned his shirt so you could touch his bare skin, you planned to make this worth his time even though you had no experience in this department

"I have never done this before lo" you mumbled softly so he pulled away and looked at you,

"Never?"

"Noo i ..I never wanted to, never felt the need to do it" he smiled as you said that. A part of him was utterly revealed, he felt special that you had never pleased a man this way before.

"You will learn"

"Goddd you're sexy"

"Mmmm, do whatever you want to do darling" his voice was strict and commanding and you could feel yourself dripping, he was such a sweet baby sometimes that it always took you off guard whenever he shifted into this dominating mood.

You fisted his cock and gave him a stroke, his mouth opened and head rolled back as he let out a moan, your other hand caressed through his chest and then you moved them towards his ripped torso,

You laid his cock flat against his abs and kissed down from his shaft to the end of his balls, he mumbled a curse as you licked a stripe from bottom to the tip of his cock. Your hands grabbed his cheeks again and you pressed your face into his pelvis, the coarse hair rubbed against your face and tickled everywhere but you didn't care, you were too lost in his masculine intoxicating scent, the musk made you want to hump against him like an animal. The sight of you being so lost almost made him want to cum instantly. This was your fantasy and it was much more arousing than he had envisioned in his imagination.

The precum dripped from the tip of his cock so you licked it off before you sucked him in slowly, you knew you won't be able to swallow him completely, it was impossible. He was too big for your mouth and your gag reflex was sharp as hell

"You may have never done this before sweetheart but you sure know how to make me crumble so easily don't you?"

You smiled and kept your eyes on him as you sucked him in and out of your mouth slowly, your hands played with his balls and he seemed to be in heaven. As pulled him out, he looked down at you again, the naughty smirk on your face was damning, he pulled on your hair making you moan and wince all at once, pressing his thumb on your jaw he pulled your mouth open and pressed his cock inside your warmth.

He wasn't being harsh though, he was being very gentle as he fed you his cock, his hips jerked back and forth as he fucked your mouth slowly.

You squeezed on his thigh so he pulled out of you but instead of shoving his cock back in he immediately pulled you up slightly and kissed you as passionately as he could, he could taste himself on you.

"On your front sweet love" he mumbled softly so you laid down on your front, you felt his lips on your neck and then he unzipped your dress to lower the straps down but he didn't take it off, you felt him waving his fingers and a few seconds later you had his cock sliding in and out of your wetness.

"Mmmm i thought you'd come in my mouth dear God"

"Fuckkk darling i wasn't sure you wanted that" you whined as he said that. How could you not want to drink from him? You were utterly, intensely obsessed with him. Did he still doubt that?

"I am so thirsty for you, don't you see it? I'm so obsessed with you lo, you're my god and I'll let you do anything to me" You turned your head to look at him, your eyes were glassy as if you were high on drugs, he knew the look because he had been high with you before, you were getting drunk on him, he had never felt so turned on before.

He kissed you deeply before he pulled out of you.

"I love you so much princess.. I love you" he whispered softly before he turned you around and laid you on your back, he sat right above your face with his thighs wrapped around your shoulders.

"You wanted me to suffocate you hmm?" You moaned as he said that, you had never felt so horny in your life before, he made the condom disappear and then he shoved his cock into your mouth slowly, still being gentle as ever. You angled your head upwards as you flattened your tongue and felt him sliding in, placing his hands on the headboard he used them as an leverage to keep his weight proportioned so he wasn't crushing you, his hips bucked back and forth slowly as he made love to your mouth.

"Fuck yess darling, you're such a good subject for your god aren't you"

You would have answered him if your mouth wasn't so full of him, all your senses were closed off as he was the only thing you could smell, taste, see, hear and feel around you. This is exactly what you wanted and now that you had it you felt transcended into some other dimension.

Your hands wrapped around his ass and you gave him a squeeze, he pulled out of your mouth and you watched his fist wrap around his own cock, it always felt extremely erotic whenever he was touching himself and pleasing himself for you.

You took a deep breath as the sight saturated you, you couldn't even look at him at the moment, you felt so dirty but not in a bad way. Millions of thoughts were running in your head, he was your best friend, he was the guy that had cuddled you like a baby that first night, he was the love of your life and you just felt overwhelmed that this was even happening to you, that you had actually gotten so lucky just because he picked up that cube.

"Open up princess, drink every little drop" he grunted loudly as he came hard aiming it right into your wanting mouth and the moment you had a taste of his cum you just knew you were ruined forever, there would be no returning from this, you'd be his slave forever if he'd ask you to be.

You swallowed every last drop that he had blessed you with. He took a few seconds before you felt him step away from your face and he immediately had your legs wrapped around him, you gasped as you felt him sliding in again and he picked up a fast rhythm because he knew you were feeling overwhelmed.

"Lokiii lokiii…oh lokii" he looked at you as you chanted his name like a prayer, you seemed so out of your mind and he would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying the sight of you being so mindless. You moaned his name over and over again as you came around him soon after, not much stimulation was required after his gratuitous display of domination.

"Mmmm lokii god please don't leave me" you whimpered so he cupped your cheeks and kissed you softly.

"Shhhh darling I'm right here..right here"

"You would leave" your eyes teared up so he shook his head,

"Never, you are mine for eternity and I am yours" your arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him into an embrace, your mind felt hazy, you didn't even when he had picked you up but you got back to your senses you found yourself sitting between his legs in a bathtub few moments later.

You quickly turned around and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"What happened?" He smiled as you said that.

"You must have gotten overwhelmed my darling"

"I lose all the filters with you in bed"

"Ohhhh" he kissed you softly as you mumbled

"We need a safeword, you are kinkier than i anticipated" you chuckled as he said that.

"Mmhm and i enjoy that thoroughly, but I just want to keep you safe my sweet little princess, I'd never forgive myself if I was to hurt you "

"You could never hurt me lo i promise but I understand..I'd like a safeword too so I'm not hurting you…how about tesseract?"

He smiled as you said that.

"Perfect"

You felt ravenous after that intense workout so he took you to the kitchen area, that's where you both bumped into Darcy and you felt extremely awkward around her.

"Haven't seen you in a week Darcy, everything alright?" He asked her so she smiled.

"Yeah buddy..it's all good, I am just busy with my thesis" he nodded as she said that.

"Need help?" He smiled as he questioned and she sighed.

"No I'm almost done..see you later" she walked out after that and you noticed the worried look on his face so you caressed his arm in a comforting manner.

"She likes you" he looked at you surprised as if he could never believe that he was being thirsted after by so many people.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean lo" he seemed worried as you said that.

"No, I never gave her a reason to do so, have I led her on?" You wrapped your arms around his waist as he said that.

"Nooo ..lo you don't lead people on, they just fall in love with you like I did, it's not that hard really"

"Well to be completely truthful I was trying to make you fall for me" you chuckled as he said that.

"Just…talk to her later okay? I know you like her ..as a friend " he nodded as you said that.

"You are still my best friend, you know that right?"

"Mmhmm"

Later that night Thor dropped you back at your apartment as loki had to be at a mission but just half an hour later you heard the knock on the door so you looked via the peephole and it was Loki.

"What are you doing here lo?" You smiled widely as you opened the door "Is this a new attire? Never seen it before" you asked him as you noticed the blue Asgardian leather attire he had on, it even had a large cape around the back, you had come to recognise the look of the Asgardian leather at least. But his attire wasn't the only thing different about him, his hair looked different as well.

"Is something wrong?" You asked him as you noticed the pale look on his face, his eyes were teary and he seemed as if he had seen a ghost.

You took a step back as something felt off about him, you could just feel it in your gut.

"You're not my loki are you?"

"No..but you're not my y/n either"

You took several steps behind you and your eyes welled up, you felt terrified. That's when Stephen appeared next to him. He had a costume on as well, you didn't understand what was happening but you knew none of this could be good. Stephen stepped towards you as he smiled.

"Good to see you again Y/n Y/l/n, I am Doctor Stephen strange, the sorcerer supreme, the protector of the Sanctum Santorum, we need to have a little chat"

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Note : You guys are going to get alot of the answers in the next chapter

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