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#GLAD I DID THOUGH it looks nice
cianluujpeg · 17 days
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surfer lance!!!
bonus gay yearning under the cut
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hybbat · 6 months
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I'm actually so glad Grian had the self control to make Jimmy take a different mentor. If he'd been Jimmy's mentor his runs absolutely would have become just another bit instead of actually trying, and he probably would have died early level 1 being screamed at for all three runs.
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pcktknife · 14 days
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what do you think about the newest penacony story patch in hsr?
penacony numero uno. actually the best arc out of the 3 so far but sunday should kill himself*
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kyouka-supremacy · 3 months
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Today was a good day :)
#Today three strangers were kind to me in three different occasions. It was such a nice coincidence :)#I've been working on Akutagawa's birthday the entire week and today Akutagawa posts were all over my dash. I'm so happy!#I managed to do all the edits I had set up to and I'm glad :)#I dressed rigorously black and white and wore the black striped pants I bought because they reminded me of Beast Akutagawa's outfit#I did my nails black and red!!#My mother called me to congratulate on Akutagawa's birthday#I even baked a cake with a friend and they were so sweet /////#I'm so grateful they managed to make time for it even though they've been so busy and tired because of their job#More than everything I'm grateful they weren't weird about it#They found it a little silly but they never made fun of me. They helped me pick the cake.#And today they even told me that they looked up a video of the character to understand me better#Which TERRIFIES me because no way anyone could get a good impression of Akutagawa from a single video#But if we ignore that it was an unbelievably nice gesture :')#It's just such a foreign feeling because outside of my blog I NEVER talk about my hyperfixations irl.#Because when I used to when I was younger I was only met with scorn or mockery so ever since I started university I simply learnt not to?#And it's just so genuinely weird to talk with someone irl who wouldn't judge me for it–#and not really in the good way because part of me is still convinced that they *are* judging me for it.#Doesn't matter everything suggests the contrary. And I keep overthinking if I overshared about Akutagawa or if I said something dumb#But I'm trying it not to get to me. Today they've been nothing but nice through and through#Whatnot. The last months were very tough for some reason I'm just happy good things can still happen :)#I want to start the queue again now that I'm generally more free and done with Aktgw's birthday and everything.#I also have new exams the first days of April and the program is pretty heavy and wide. On top of following courses. I'll see what I can d#I'd like to start regularly posting again because I'm afraid if I don't I'll just sulk further in misery. We'll see.#Ah I need to catch up with the dash since I've basically not been on Tumblr for three days...#That's it just rambling. I hope everyone's days are nice too!!!#random rambles
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lovesickeros · 30 days
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This is a little out of the blue, but I genuinely really enjoy hearing your tsaritsa lore and character breakdowns. She's hasn't been someone I'm terribly invested in getting to know as a character, but reading your thoughts on her has really piqued my interest. I've never considered what being the goddess of love could mean I guess
Anyway, all this to say I've been really enjoying your tsaritsa/fatui hype :) it's contagious
THIS IS SO GOOD TO HEAR i love going into deep dive breakdowns of characters especially ones who don't really have a lot of content, because it provides wiggle room for a lot of interpretations. not that i can blame you for not being too invested in her, considering we've never actually seen her, and only hear about from a few sources (venti, who doens't really say much, and childe + arle who also technically dont say much in the grand scheme of things but understanding their characters to see how it changes their view of the tsaritsa and where it overlaps is a good chunk of it)
so its my job to do what hoyo doesn't and hype the hell out of her /j. ive been writing her since i joined sagau around when it first started snowballing into popularity i dont think i could leave if i tried
#asks#Anonymous#not a fic#the tsaritsa is one of my faves and frankly the fatui as a whole. top 3 faves is something like tsaritsa arle&furi and bina#its the harsh contrast of “goddess of love” and tsaritsa that just. chefs kiss. i keep saying it but its true.#a lot of harbingers core themes are about love too like okayyyyy im listening. im seated.#the goddess of love also being the cryo archon. being in snezhnaya. the coldest nation yet and will prob have the dragonspine mechanic..#i think its shown especially with arlecchino and her entire story. i wont say much bc. yknow. spoilers. its been like 2 days since release#bc while arlecchino is better then the old knave she is not a good “father”. i mean shes still raising child soldiers. knowingly.#and i do not think she “loves” them. i think she CARES about them. but she does not love them.#she is the cold unfeeling “father”. that is her role. it is her purpose. she refuses to be like the old knave in that manner#she will not pretend to love them to make them loyal. she will not put up a facade of kindness to make them listen#but i also find it interesting that after arle took over at some point “mother” was attributed to the tsaritsa#i cant recall where the line is from atm but its such an interesting bit that says so much#all children of the house of the hearth are children of the tsaritsa and thus. “mother”.#looks at the wall of text in tags ah fuck i did it again. SHUT IT DOWN#someday i wont get distracted and write an essay in tags. today is not that day!!!#glad u enjoy my ramblings though its fun 2 write and nice 2 know ppl like them :]
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im-a-freaking-joy · 2 months
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Im really tempted to follow the therian tag on youtube just so I can comment on these poor kids's videos something kind and let them know that if they arent hurting anybody they can do whatever they want forever
#do I. fully understand it?#not at all#but the amount of outright hate these poor kids get#so i think they should be making youtube shirts or tiktoks when it looks like theyre like 11 or 12? also no#but they need support to some degree#they need to hear that some people dont understand but dont hate either#because these kids are just having fun and expressing themselves#its honestly pretty relateable in an odd way#like as a neurodivergent kid i did all sorts of “weird” or “cringe” things that i WISH somebody saw and just went#i dont really get what this is#but im glad youre happy!#it would have literally helped me avoid so much pain and depression#the amount of small kids? critters? idk how they like to be reffered to#like i said i dont really understand it#who have pinned my comments or done the youtube love thing?#because they only have like 10 comments but theyre 90% outright hate and bullying?#i think people on the internet should relearn that if you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all#plus i get to reccomend these critters/kids look at maia arson crimew!#i get to let them know that even though im not a therian there are big important powerful people out there like maia who are!#who have a whole group of people who admire and support them!#anyway the tldr of this is i may have adopted a community of weird youtube kids even though i dont really understand their interest#and i feel like the old grandpa you run imto at the library about it if that makes sense
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thebirdandhersong · 11 months
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I JUST remembered something lol
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chocolategir · 10 months
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Weird question but do you guys think it would be wrong of me to try and get more in touch with Native American culture and spirituality?
I look very white, because I mostly am and I take after my mother who is very German and Scandinavian. But I'm also 20% bipoc, and grew up with my Native grandmother who is obsessed with the culture. She never grew up with it because her native mother died while she was young and her dad was white. But she made it her personality before I was born so I grew up learning Ojibwe and going to powows whenever she would visit (I also got heavily discriminated against by her because I didn't look native like my sister and her son did, but that's another story).
Either way, I can't help but feel a connection to that culture and I kinda want to dive into it more but I also know how it would look. I also know being an 8th native I have a valid claim to it as my heritage, but again I took after my pale mom instead of my darker dad.
Idk just something I was thinking about
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sadaveniren · 1 year
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milkweedman · 2 years
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Sprained one of my fingers during work somehow and was very Doom and Gloom abt it bc if i cant do stuff with my hands right now i'll die. Thankfully, however, the pain is mostly when i try to straighten it and my fingers are curled when i knit so it's not a problem at all
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creaturebehavior · 8 months
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trimmed my hair again
added more layers and again, it looks better than it did last time
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coatabyss · 9 months
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i need that chicken pot pie again.
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honeipie · 25 days
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TWO MINUTES
katsuki x fem!reader
synopsis: your child is learning how to brush their teeth for the first time, but need a little extra motivation
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“torami, baby, at least hold it for me-“
“no!” your little girl went running out of the bathroom making you throw your head back with a groan.
“it’s not gonna hurt you! it’s just a toothbrush okay?” you walked out of the bathroom to chase your little girl. torami was about three and a half, so you were trying to teach her how to be a bit more independent. she wasn’t up for it though. at every turn she’s given you some sort of problem.
you stopped in the living room where katsuki sat reading his book. there was a lump of blankets on the couch next to him moving more than regular blankets should. the annoyance you once felt dispersed from your body as you walked closer. carefully you plucked the book out of his hand and placed it upside down on the table so he wouldn’t lose his spot.
“i was reading that” but even through his feigned irritation he placed his hands securely on your waist.
“hm were you? didn’t notice” you placed your head down on his shoulder eyes going over to the restless lump of blankets “i dunno what to do with her kats. no matter what i do she just doesn’t wanna brush her teeth”
he let out a scoff moving his one hand up and down your side “you gotta be firm that’s why. can’t let her wiggle away”
speaking of wiggling away, torami had enough time hiding under the blanket and decided to crawl out slowly, but she wasn’t fast enough. katsuki grabbed her one ankle and pulled her right back to the both of you. giggles erupted from her tiny body as he flung her over his shoulder “watch and learn”
the two of you got up from your spot on the couch and headed back into the bathroom. katsuki placed your daughter on the counter her face still flushed from laughter.
“listen brat, you have to brush your teeth-“
“no!”
"hey! you can't just tell me no! i'm your fa-"
"no!"
katsuki looked back at you in absolute disbelief and all you could do was give him a smirk "c'mon kats, put your foot down. be firm."
katsuki didn't give you any type of look. instead he took the classier route, flipping you off. you didn't have time to be shocked, your daughter did that for you.
"daddy that's not nice! say sorry!"
his eyes widened as he sputtered to get his next words out "what? but she- that's not-" with an annoyed huff he placed two fingers on the bridge of his nose "fine.. i'm very sorry y/n-"
"it's not y/n. it's mommy!"
"i'mverysorrymommy. are we happy now?" he asked looking between both of you.
"yeah, that's fine" you shrugged deciding that was enough teasing for today. with a relived sigh, katsuki went to reach under the sink. the three of you had went toothbrush shopping hoping that it would make her more excited, you were both wrong.
"alright pick one of these you wanna use" his eyes scanned the selection of toothbrushes just as hers did. he scoffed seeing the one at the end. he lifted it up giving you a confused look "how the hell did this get in there?" in his hands was a deku themed toothbrush.
"i mean we were just letting her pick up any toothbrush she wanted. maybe that got into the mix"
wanting to be in the conversation, she leaned her tiny body over to see which one you were talking about. her eyes got big at the sight of the green colored toothbrush in his hand.
"i want that one! the green one!" leaning over just a bit more she was successful grabbing the toothbrush from his hands "uncle deku!" she squealed showing it off to you "mommy it's uncle deku!"
"that's right amibaby! i'm glad you found something you like, and so is daddy" you placed both hands on his shoulders feeling them tense up at the toothbrush "let it go blondie. just be happy that she's excited to brush her teeth" He nodded straightening up his back.
"nice toothbrush you got there kid. now we put some toothpaste on" katsuki grabbed the kiddie toothpaste from its cup on the sink. he placed a pea sized amount on the tiny toothbrush before placing the cap back on “and now brush”
torami looked down at the toothbrush and then at him. her chubby little hands switching the toothbrush from one hand to the other until she reached it out to them “you do too”
if there was one thing you could both agree on, it was that your daughter had this power over both of you. the way she tilted her head so slightly, and made her eyes look just a bit bigger. it always seemed to work.
“let’s do it” you said scooping her up from the counter. the three of you made your way into yours and katsuki’s shared bathroom. gently, you placed her down on this counter and got your own toothbrush ready. katsuki reached for his, which looked like it had been used for a good while even if he had just replaced it.
“now remember we have to brush for how many minutes?” you asked setting up your phone. one of the ideas you saw that worked with other kids was playing a fun little video with music and a countdown.
“two mommy!” torami said an excited look on her face.
“alright! three.. two.. one.. go!” at the same time you all started to brush your teeth as the music started. which was quickly drowned out by the sound of aggressive brushing from your husband. turning your head, you watched as he aggressively scrubbed his teeth, making sure to reach every single one.
torami looked at him rather concerned and shook her head “daddy not like dat” the toothbrush still being in her mouth affected her words slightly. torami went to stand up right in front of him. reaching both of her hands out she placed them over his. he stopped watching as she moved his hands gently back and forth “be nice..” she mumbled.
katsuki almost melted on the damn spot. he focused on her face, the face that he helped make. the one that was a perfect mix of both you and him. she had the same messy, blonde hair pulled back into two ponytails. but the eyes were all your doing. every time he looked into them he thought of you. the day you told him that you wanted kids, the day you told him you were pregnant. damn, he remembers them like it was yesterday.
he snapped out of it when you bumped your hip into his. all you did was give him a look, and he knew exactly what it meant.
‘you good?’
He sent back a nod your way along with moving his arm to rest lazily around your waist.
‘i’m good’
this became a special moment in the day for each one of you, though katsuki would never admit it. you could tell by his actions. how he would pick torami up, and turn her upside down mumbling something about ‘time to brush’. or how he would usually take night shifts, but now somehow ‘his schedule didn’t benefit him anymore’.
you never brought it up though. katsuki loved in his own way, and you loved it.
.
.
a/n: a little extra to brighten your day :)
torami sat in her college dorm room on her newly decorated bed that she'd be sleeping in for the next year. it was a hard concept to grasp, being this far from home even though she begged you both to go here. there was an unfamiliar twisting in her stomach that she couldn't quite place.
her eyes glanced to the open window that had been decorated with white curtains. the sun had already set, even though she felt like she had been sitting here for only a couple of minutes. you and katsuki had left early that afternoon. he insisted that you all woke up early to get a head start before the rest of those "extras". the one trait that he most definitely didn't pass onto your daughter was being an early bird. so even though she complained through half of the process, she was happy to know that she wouldn't have to stress setting up with a sea of people wandering through the halls.
deciding that it was time to stop wallowing on her butt, torami got to her feet to get herself ready for bed.
right before she could go into her bathroom, she heard soft vibrations from her phone. leaning over, she noticed your face flash across the screen. torami answered it as she headed into the bathroom.
“hi mom. i’m alright if that’s what you called for”
you shuffled on the other end of the line before showing your full face “hi baby! don’t rush me off the phone so quick! i just wanted to see you settling in and say goodnight. you’re not out partying are you? is that a boy?”
“better not fuckin’ be!” katsuki yelled across the room and quickly made his way over into the camera “where the hell is he?”
“mom was messing with you”
you had bent over in laughter, but the other two bakugou’s didn’t think it was that funny “oh boo! y’all are no fun!” you and katsuki bickered all the way into your shared bathroom, but all was forgiven when he sent a slap to your ass and whispered something in your ear.
torami groaned loudly on the other line “guysss! if you’re going do be nasty at least don’t do it while i’m on the phone please”
you set the phone down on the counter, propped up against the wall “no! we’re sorry, tora” your eyes glanced over to the cup on the side, yours and katsuki’s toothbrushes sitting next to each other. with a smile you grabbed it putting it in the camera “wanna brush our teeth?”
torami gave you a look through the phone, but quickly caught herself “i’m a little old for that don’t you think?”
you shrugged grabbing katsuki’s brush and handing it to him “not to us, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to”
torami thought for a moment before smiling “let me get my toothbrush”
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navybrat817 · 2 months
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Sergeant Snuggles
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky wants you to get some much needed rest. Word Count: Over 1.6k Warnings: Fluff, swearing, humor, reader is tired, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning and the best boyfriend, okay?). A/N: I'm tired. I want Bucky to fix my schedule. Again! ❤️Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
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You should’ve taken the afternoon off. You knew that. There was no reason for you to remain in the building beyond your earlier debriefing. The mission you completed was successful, but you hardly slept over the last few days because of it. Describing yourself as tired was an understatement.
But you had a tendency to stretch yourself thin at times and were stubborn, a trait Bucky both loved and fought you on.
The beautiful brunette you were lucky enough to call your boyfriend leaned over in his chair as you stifled a yawn. “That’s the fifth time you’ve done that in the last two minutes,” he whispered low enough to not draw attention.
“Glad you’re keeping count,” you whispered back, feeling his steel eyes linger on you as before he turned his focus back to Steve. At least he didn’t say he told you so after you turned down his suggestion this morning to call in.
You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, the stubble on his strong jawline catching your attention. He hadn’t shaved in a few days. Hardly slept either. Still looked gorgeous.
How was that fair?
“Just take a break,” he urged, tucking a strand of his long hair behind his ear. “It’ll help.”
“No, I’m fine,” you argued, picking up your drink and downing the rest of it, as if it would give you a boost. “We have a busy day. I don’t have time to use one of the pods.”
S.H.I.E.L.D. had recently built a lounge area for agents to rest and recoup during the day and between missions. Some of the pods were large enough for two people to rest comfortably together. Why not cuddle with your soldier for a short time? As nice as it sounded, you had to get through a few more hours of work.
“I love you, but you’re about two seconds away from putting your head on the table,” Bucky whispered, your heart skipping a beat. It did that whenever he professed his love for you. But you were also feeling a bit grouchy, even though he was only trying to help
“And I love you, but I’m about two seconds away from flipping this table,” you hissed before Steve cleared his throat. “Sorry,” you added sheepishly. It wasn’t his fault the mission cost you precious sleep.
The blonde’s brow furrowed. Like Bucky, he knew you pushed yourself too hard some days. You had to though. You weren't a super soldier like they were. “It’s okay,” he said before he continued.
Exhaustion veiled your normally bright and attentive gaze. The Captain had a commanding presence, yet your eyelids drooped as he kept talking. You weren’t sure if you were able to fall asleep sitting up and you didn’t want to find out. With a shake of your head, you had to try and fight the waves of drowsiness that crashed in your mind and washed over your body.
It was a losing battle. You used to laugh at memes that talked about meetings that could’ve been done in an email, but it didn’t seem so humorous now that you were living it. Why didn't you just stay home?
You jolted when your boyfriend suddenly placed his hand on your thigh and you wished you could say you blamed it on his touch. “What? What happened?” You asked. Did you fall asleep or just zone out?
“The meeting’s over,” he replied, nodding to the now empty room. You hadn’t seen anyone walk out. That wasn’t good.
“Shit.” You rubbed your temple, an ache building in your head. You’d have to apologize to Steve later because there was no way you retained anything he stated. “What time is it?”
Bucky checked his watch with a slight frown. “It’s 10:55.”
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that.
“Yeah.” Bucky’s lip twitched in a smile when you realized you said that out loud. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that.”
You huffed, your head cloudy again before you slumped in your chair. There was no way you’d make it through the day, as much as you wanted to try. You were useless in this condition. “Okay. I may need a nap,” you admitted.
He smiled softly as he pushed his chair back and held out his hand. “I had a feeling. That’s why I booked us one of the pods before we got here,” he said. It shouldn't have come as a surprise. He knew you better than you knew yourself. “Let's go.”
You pouted, but took his outstretched hand. “Are you sure I can't just try and suck it up?” You asked, covering your mouth with your other hand when you yawned yet again. “There’s still work to do.”
“And you're not going to finish it right this second,” he stated firmly, the drop in his voice making your throat go dry. He meant business when he used that tone. “You're going to let everyone else handle it, and they can handle it, and you are going to get some rest.”
You loved this man for putting up with and caring for you. “Yes, Sergeant, but I still don't want a nap,” you grumbled, wondering just how whiny you sounded.
He chuckled, the sound making you giggle. It was infectious. “Just twenty minutes. It’s all I'm asking for to start. You worked hard and deserve a nap,” he said, sneaking a soft kiss in when you pouted again. “If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me? Please?”
Something vulnerable flashed in his eyes before he blinked it away. Nightmares still plagued him and you discovered that he rested easier with you beside him. Your presence didn’t always chase the horrors away, but it helped. Maybe he needed this nap just as much as you did.
What kind of partner would you be if you didn't help?
“Okay, Bucko. For you,” you smiled, leaning into his side as he guided you down the hall. You’d do anything for him. “You know, my caffeine let me down,” you added.
“I know, baby.”
“It’s a betrayal. It was supposed to stimulate me,” you mumbled.
“I know, baby,” he said again, going along with your tired rambling. “But we both know I stimulate better than that ever could.”
“Yeah, you do,” you smiled. He was very good at that. “And this is a good excuse for us to cuddle.”
“As long as you get some sleep, you can have all the cuddles you want,” he promised.
A tired smile touched your lips. “I should call you Sergeant Snuggles.”
It was at that moment that Sam walked by, the smirk on his face telling you that he at least caught the nickname you just came up with. Your gaze flickered to Bucky’s profile, catching the clench in his jaw as he stared at his colleague and friend. It was a sexy look, but now wasn’t the time to think about that. And Sam, the good man he was, didn't say a word. He nodded and went on his way.
Which likely meant he pocketed the nickname to bring up at a later time.
“Sorry,” you whispered, hoping you hadn’t embarrassed him.
Fondness took over Bucky's blue eyes when he swung his gaze back toward you. “Don't be sorry. You can call me whatever you want,” he assured you, taking you into the longue.
The low light created a peaceful atmosphere and you found yourself longing for relaxation as Bucky brought you to the pod furthest in the corner. He helped you in before he climbed in beside you, his massive frame making you feel safe and warm as he held you against him. His fingers moved along your back in a slow and soothing pattern and your breathing began to match his after a minute. It made it easy for your eyes to slip shut.
You still couldn’t believe that you had someone in your life like Bucky. The man did everything in his power to put your needs first and make sure he took care of you. Not because he didn’t think you were strong or capable enough to do so yourself, but because he recognized that you didn’t have to do everything alone. That was why he was your partner.
In work, in love, and in life.
“Thanks, Bucky,” you sighed, wishing you were awake enough to say how much you appreciated him. “Sorry for whining and bitching and being stubborn.”
“You don’t need to thank me and you didn’t whine or bitch. I’ll give you stubborn though,” he said, casually tossing a leg over you before you could move away. If you asked it of him, he’d lay on top of you like a blanket. “Just get some sleep and don’t push yourself today, please. I’ll feel a lot better if you relax.”
You’d feel a lot better, too. “One more question and I will.”
He hummed as he waited for you to speak.
“What's the policy on sex in the pods?” You asked, resting a hand on his chest and feeling his heart start to race. “For future us, for the record. I love you, but we’re not trying somnophilia here today.”
He exhaled a laugh against your forehead before he kissed it, warmth spreading like a balm through your head. “I love you, too,” he whispered. Dragging his lips down to yours. “And I’m sure we can find a way to make it work, but not until you rest, okay? Need you at one hundred percent for that.”
“Yes, Sergeant Snuggles,” you replied, feeling him hold you a little tighter before you finally got some much needed sleep.
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I hope this reads well. 🤣 I'm le tired. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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Falling Slowly 
Pairing: Azriel x fem Reader
Summary: Reader and Azriel slowly get close and realize they’re destined to be together.
Word Count: 5.5k  oopsie. this man makes me feral.
Your feelings for Azriel really snuck up on you. Of course, as soon as you had been taken in by the High Lord and his inner circle, you noticed how unbelievably gorgeous he was, but that was true of all of the Illyrian men that became your family. He was such a quiet, steady presence, it was easy for him to blend into the background, and you had a feeling that he didn’t mind that one bit.
Slowly though, he let you in more and more and you started to see through the shadowsinger’s thick shields that he always kept up. It started when you had been in Velaris for a few months, and you were finally feeling like you were settled in, that you had a home there. You were reading in the library of the House of Wind and he came in, settled down in a chair a few feet from the one you were occupying, and lifted an eyebrow when you glanced at him, no doubt silently asking if he could stay. You nodded, smiling faintly. He picked up a book that looked to be for research, his brow furrowed in concentration and his shadows wisping around him every time you dared look up at him. And thus, started your library time together.
It had gone on like that for a week or two, never a word spoken between you, but you enjoyed his comforting presence more than you liked to admit. Though it did become harder and harder to keep your eyes on your book when he was present. Finally, one day when the two of you had been reading silently for about ten minutes, he cleared his throat and said in a low voice, “you read a lot.”
The sudden sound of his slow, deep voice after weeks of silence sent a shock through your body, making your toes curl. You shrugged, hoping he couldn’t see the heat in your cheeks in the dim light. “So do you, it seems.”
He held eye contact as the side of his mouth quirked up into the slightest smile that sent electricity through your body again. You noticed his shadows were back, circling around him idly. They didn’t often show up in the library anymore. It took all you had to not squeeze your thighs together, knowing full well that he would notice. “Research,” he said. After a beat he added, “Plus, I like the quiet. It’s nice to hide out from Cassian for a while.” 
You couldn’t remember if he had ever said so many words to you directly. You found yourself hoping that he was just trying to keep the conversation going. “Completely understandable,” you laughed. “I come here for the books first and foremost, but the quiet is definitely welcome, too. I love that I’ve found a family here, but it can get… overwhelming at times.”
He nodded, like he knew exactly what you meant, continuing to gaze deeply into your eyes. “I’m glad. That you’re here, I mean. That you see us as your family,” he said quieter than before, almost like he was unsure if he should be saying it.
A smile broke out on your face, and he held your gaze for another beat, his smile widening just slightly before he bowed his head back to his book, seemingly done with the conversation. 
You hoped he didn’t notice that you did not read a single page for the rest of your time in the library that day.
A few days later, you were itching to get out of the house and wander the beautiful streets of Velaris. After breakfast, you worked up the nerve to call Azriel’s name as he was leaving, timing it out perfectly so the two of you would be left alone in the dining room. He raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised. 
“What are you up to today?” you asked, trying to sound casual.
He cleared his throat, definitely caught off guard. “Well, Rhys has me off to get some intel this morning, but if everything goes to plan, I should be back around lunch…” he trailed off, obviously waiting for you to explain yourself.
“Perfect,” you said, not able to keep the smile off your face as you looked up at him. “Do you want to go to lunch in Velaris with me? I’ve been dying to get out of the house and try somewhere I haven’t been yet.”
Azriel studied you for a moment, his head tilting slightly, one of his shadows curling around his ear, like he was trying to use his skills to see through to your intentions. “Okay,” he said finally. “Sure. Lunch. I’ll find you when I get back?”
“Great,” you grinned up at him before swooping out of the dining room, trying your best not to bounce on your toes. There was no denying it anymore: you had a crush on Azriel, and you couldn’t wait until he got back that afternoon.
You were in the library, of course, when he returned. He was out of his fighting leathers, but still wearing all black, his clothing perfectly tailored to him. He looked…so good. The side of his mouth was quirked up the slightest bit, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed, his wings tucked tightly behind him. “How did I know I’d find you here?” he murmured, almost playfully. 
“Lucky guess,” you smirked, placing your book on the table next to your chair and sidling up to him. You noticed his eyes trailing after you, for once not focused on your eyes, but on your body, watching the way your dress hugged your hips as you moved toward him. You flushed. 
“Do you have a place in mind for lunch?” You asked when you were so close to him, your toes were almost touching. He towered over you, his eyes latched onto yours now, his shadows nearly tickling your arms.
“This was your idea,” he said, a hint of teasing in his voice. Azriel? Teasing? Heat went straight through you again. You tried to control your breathing.
“You’ve lived here longer,” you countered. “You know places that I don’t.”
He smiled. A real, full smile. It was life-altering, ground-shaking. You tried to take a picture in your mind of your first real Azriel smile. You couldn’t help but return it. “I’ve got somewhere in mind,” he said finally. 
“Lead the way,” you said. Even to your own ears, you sounded too giddy. You tried not to be embarrassed. 
It wasn’t until you were standing outside on the mountain that you realized the implications of what you had asked. He would have to fly you down to the streets of Velaris. It’s not like you hadn’t had one of your Illyrian friends fly you somewhere before, but now it felt… different. 
You glanced at him, and his hesitant expression told you that maybe he was thinking the same thing. Trying to make the transition the least awkward it could be, you walked right up to him and titled your head. “Ready?”
That tiny half smile appeared as he scooped you up into his arms bridal style, holding onto you tightly, yet being as gentle as possible as the two of you left the ground. You had gotten more used to flying with them, but it still made your stomach twist into nervous knots. You couldn’t help but close your eyes and lean your face into Azriel’s chest, not wanting to look at the ground approaching. 
As you leaned into him, you felt his muscles tense. “Sorry. We’ll be on the ground in a moment.”
“Don’t be sorry,” you said, leaning up to look at him, so he could hear you. “You’re better to fly with than Cassian or Rhys. They always try to scare me more.”
His body tensed, his grasp on you tightening. “I would never do that to you,” he said, his voice suddenly serious. 
“I know,” you said, just as he smoothly landed. He held your gaze as he gently set your feet on the ground. 
Your knees felt a bit shaky, whether from the flight or from your proximity to him, you couldn’t tell. You held onto his rock solid forearms for a minute, trying to steady yourself. 
“Are you alright?” he murmured, his eyes scanning your body, concern flashing on his features.
You cleared your throat, finally letting go of him. “Yes, sorry. I’m still getting used to that."
He nodded, still watching you as if to make sure for himself that you were okay. After a moment, you started walking, hoping to push down the heat that you’d been feeling at the touch of your skin against his.
The two of you walked side by side through the streets of Velaris, not saying much, though you could see from the corner of your eye how often he glanced at you. You watched as his shadows circled around his arms, as he stretched his wings out when the walkway was clear enough. You couldn’t remember seeing him do that before. They were usually tucked in close behind him when he walked around the house.
“Are they heavy?” you asked. 
He just looked at you, his brow slightly furrowed. 
“Your wings,” you clarified. 
They seemed to bristle a bit once you mentioned them, a tiny wave rippling through from one side to the other. “You get used to it. But, yes.” The hint of a smile appeared on his face again. “Why do you think Illyrians are all so fit?” 
You smiled, playfully nudging him with your shoulder. “I haven’t met any besides you three,” you looked up at him to find his eyes already latched on your face. “I thought it was just a you thing."
His face remained stoic except for his eyes, which widened very slightly. 
Suddenly, he cleared his throat, finally taking his eyes from yours, and gesturing at a small building, nestled between what seemed to be two other restaurants. Unlike many of them in Velaris that were open and had tables stretching out into the outside, this building was completely closed, keeping whatever was in there concealed. “We’re here,” he said, his voice a bit more gravelly than before.
You followed him inside, past a roaring fireplace to a small table in a corner of the restaurant. It wasn’t crowded at all, which was a relief since it was so small. It was cozy and inviting though, with low light, candles flickering everywhere and soft music playing from somewhere nearby. You noticed that the chair he was seated in was perfectly accommodating to his wings. You could tell why Azriel was the one out of the group who liked it here. It was calm, quiet, dark. Intimate.
Azriel’s eyes were on you as you settled in, seemingly trying to detect how you were feeling about his choice of establishment. You looked around before meeting his eyes. “I see why you like this place. It’s like the library.”
The side of his mouth quirked up in that half smile you were starting to memorize. “I thought you might appreciate it.”
After you ordered, you looked at him and his eyes were already on you. “You have intense eye contact, do you know that?”
He coughed, but you saw the smile he tried to hide. He slid his eyes back to yours and you tried hard not to react. “I study people. It’s my job.”
“You’re not on duty now, are you?” you said teasingly. 
Azriel shrugged one shoulder noncommittally. “It’s hard to turn off the instinct.”
“Alright, then,” you said, already regretting it before the words even came out of your mouth. “What intel are you picking up on me right now?”
He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on the table in front of him, eyes boring into yours like they could see straight into your soul. Hell, maybe they could. You had never had the courage to ask what exactly his skillset entailed. “You seem… curious about me,” he said in a low, gravelly voice that brought heat to your cheeks. “For whatever reason,” he smiled faintly, lifting one eyebrow. 
“Azriel, is that some self-deprecation I hear?” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. 
Leaning back in his chair again, he took a moment to respond. “Maybe a bit.”
You shook your head. “No, I will have absolutely none of that from the Night Court’s shadowsinger and spymaster. You are far too cool to be talking about yourself like that.” You tried to sound playful, but even to your own ears, you sounded far too serious. You meant it though, of course. How could he not see it?
He just studied you for a moment, not moving except for a slight tick in his jaw. Finally, he said, “As you wish, Lady.”
Clearing your throat, you settled back into your chair, mirroring his posture. “So is that all you’ve picked up on me?”
A slight smile. “All I wish to share.”
Mercifully, before you could reply, your food had arrived. Azriel seemed to hesitate, waiting for you to take your first bite before he dug into his own food. It was delicious, and somehow made you feel right at home. 
You ate in silence for a few moments, your focus so wrapped up in the delicious food in front of you that you did not realize his eyes were once again fastened on you. Once you finally took a reprieve from digging into your meal, you looked up, found his eyes on you, his expression unreadable, and you flushed, slightly embarrassed. 
“I’m not eating like a lady right now, am I?” you asked, your voice slightly wavering, no doubt showing your concern at the lack of decorum.
He let out a quiet chuckle that was music to your ears. “You look like a lady to me,” he said, his gaze not leaving yours.
You flushed even deeper, and he smiled, lighting up his eyes. Two real Azriel smiles in one day. You felt faint.
“You should do that more,” you whispered.
The smile dropped as he raised an eyebrow. A silent question.
“Nevermind,” you said, turning back to your meal, fearing that if you admitted how much you savored the smiles, they would stop appearing.
Azriel seemed like he wanted to push further, but decided against it. You thought he could probably figure it out anyway. He wasn’t the spymaster for nothing.
You could feel his eyes on you as you finished your meal, too distracted by him now to properly taste any of it. 
At last, he said “Did you enjoy it?”
Despite how few real interactions you’ve actually had with the man, you felt comfortable with him, so much so that you dared to say, “The meal? Yes. The company?” You paused, looking up at him from under your lashes. “Absolutely.”
Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but you swore you saw his fingers clench for a moment, heard his breath catch, as the shadows appeared around him for the first time since the two of you sat down. After a moment, he said, his voice thick, “I’m glad.” 
Your last remark took all the bravery you had, and you didn’t dare ask him the question back. 
Later, the two of you walked in companionable silence back to the House of Wind. His arm lightly brushed yours as you neared the mountain, and you again felt electricity jolt through from the point of contact all the way down to your toes. You may not know Azriel extremely well, but you were pretty sure every movement his body made was deliberate. Was that one deliberate, too?
At the foot of the mountain, the two of you turned to face each other, and he smiled lightly. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” you said, stepping closer to him before he gently picked you up. You could tell that he was making an extra effort to fly smoothly for you. 
“You doing okay?” he asked, low in your ear.
Looking up at him, you nodded. “Going up is better than going down.”
“Good to know,” he met your eyes for a moment, his eyes twinkling. Your fingers flexed where they held onto him, and the side of his mouth tilted up the slightest bit.
He landed on the balcony outside of the dining room, setting you on the ground, but not letting go of your arms yet, his eyes searching your face, like he remembered that you needed a minute to get settled on the ground earlier. You reveled in the feeling of his rough hands on your bare skin, and after a moment, you reluctantly stepped back, unable to stop your hand from lightly grasping his bicep as you did so. “Thank you, Azriel. For all of it.”
Azriel nodded, smiling faintly, his eyes not leaving yours. 
You wanted him to say more, desperate to continue whatever this was, but unfortunately Cassian walked out onto the balcony. “What are you guys up to?” he asked, his voice dripping with amusement, his gaze flicking back and forth between the two of you, no doubt noticing how close you were standing.
You glanced at Azriel, not sure what to say. He seemed to understand and answered Cassian. “We just went to grab lunch.”
Cassian grinned. “Just the two of you? Alone? Interesting.”
Azriel rolled his eyes. “Goodbye, Cassian.” 
Cackling, Cassian mock saluted at the two of you, and left. 
You suddenly felt awkward as the two of you were alone again. “So…” you trailed off.
He laughed, and you could feel heat rise to your cheeks for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “See you at dinner?” he said. 
“Dinner. Yes. Absolutely.” By the cauldron, you were starting to sound like him.
Azriel seemed to be thinking the same thing as he studied you for another moment, his eyes sparkling with what could only be described as a hint of mischief before he spread his wings and soared into the sky without another word.
You wandered around aimlessly for the rest of the day, not able to focus on anything but the memory of his hands on your skin, so gentle despite the scars, his eyes gazing into yours, the smile that you hadn’t gotten to see before today. 
Dinner came and went mostly without incident, though you often felt Cassian’s eyes darting between you and Azriel. You glared at him, silently begging him not to make a big deal about what he saw, especially in front of everybody. Thankfully, he got the hint and said nothing.
The next day, you got up a bit earlier than usual, chose a dress that was a bit nicer than what you would normally wear around the house, braided and pinned your hair carefully, and set out to very casually lounge in the library, like you would any other day.
You tried not to sigh with relief as Azriel came in some time later, his shadows nowhere to be seen, and took his normal seat near yours.
He eyed you, and smiled faintly. “You look nice,” he said, quietly.
You blushed. His smile grew. “Thank you,” was all you could say.
Azriel lifted an eyebrow. “Are you going somewhere today?”
“Not that I know of…” you trailed off, debating on whether to attempt to explain your appearance to brush it off, or let him assume correctly that you did it because of him.
“Do you… want to? Go somewhere today?” He said, his voice more hesitant than you would think possible for the Night Court’s spymaster.
“With you?” You asked, sure your eyes were lighting up with excitement.
Azriel smiled, holding your gaze. Your knees would have buckled if you hadn’t been sitting. “That was the idea, yes.”
“Of course,” you beamed, trying to keep your voice even.
Just like that, you were in Azriel’s arms again, flying down to Velaris, where the two of you wandered happily, with no real destination. He was a bit more talkative today, asking you about books you were reading and your life before Rhysand found you and brought you into his family. He told you about the far-off places he’d been throughout his years as Rhysand’s spymaster, what it was like growing up with Rhysand and Cassian as his found family. You had never heard him speak so much, and you couldn’t get enough of it. You wanted to listen to everything he could possibly share, wanting to savor every detail of it. 
And that’s how it went, just like your routine with the library. Every few days, when Azriel had the time, he would fly you down to Velaris and you two would wander the streets, stopping for food, perusing the shops. Slowly, slowly, he opened up a bit more to you, talking about his past every once in a while. He never went into much detail, but it was more than you ever expected from him. You were honored that he trusted you even that much. You became addicted to the sound of his voice, to the rare moments when his arm would brush yours, or when he would place his hand on your back to steer you away from somebody in your path who wasn’t paying attention.
On, and on, and on, you kept up your routine and you could feel the walls that he kept up for everybody break off little by little. 
Still, you couldn’t tell if it was friendship that he was feeling for you or something else. It certainly wasn’t friendly feelings you had towards him. His gorgeous face, his piercing eyes, now had a permanent spot in your mind and in your dreams.  
One afternoon, when you assumed Azriel was out doing his spymaster duties because you hadn’t seen him all day, you were about to leave your room when you heard his voice low, speaking to someone. He sounded mildly upset. You knew you shouldn’t eavesdrop, but you certainly didn’t want to walk past them, so you waited it out.
“When are you going to tell her?” the other voice said, in a rushed whisper. Cassian.
“I don’t know. How are you supposed to just … tell somebody something like that?” Azriel sounded more frustrated than you’d ever heard him.
“How should I know? You’re the one who spends all your time with her. You should know what the best way to tell her is.”
Azriel sighed, and you could picture him running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, you better figure it out. She’s going to think that you’re not into her.”
“You think so?” Azriel sounded worried.
“Dude, you’ve been spending every moment possible with her for weeks, and you haven’t made a single move.” 
Before Azriel could respond, footsteps sounded in the hallway, and their conversation cut off completely. You seized your chance, hoping to gain some insight as to who they were talking about. 
You left your room, trying to look casual, and at the sound of your door opening, the two of them whipped their heads towards you.
You raised an eyebrow as you walked towards them. “What? Do I have something in my teeth?” you teased, trying not to dwell on what you had heard. Azriel was into someone?
Azriel just stared at you, his cheeks dusted red. Cassian smirked at you. “Nope, beautiful as ever, sweetheart.” 
Azriel’s eyes darted from yours to Cassian’s, his expression turning lethal and his shadows suddenly appearing, swirling around his head, his arms. You had only seen that kind of quiet rage in his eyes when there was an enemy present in the Night Court. 
You couldn’t fathom what would warrant this reaction. “Az, are you okay?” you asked, softly.
His eyes met yours again, the rage flickering away into something else entirely, though you couldn’t quite place it.  He opened his mouth, but couldn’t seem to speak for a moment. Finally, he choked out, “Yes, fine. I’m just -- I have to go.” Without another word, he bolted down the corridor, out of sight.
Cassian rolled his eyes, turning back to you. “You guys have been hanging out a lot lately, huh?”
You shrugged, trying not to let your feelings show. “Yeah, we’re friends now."
He cocked an eyebrow. “Friends? You sure?”
Sighing, you leaned your back against the wall. “Honestly? I don’t know. Sometimes I can’t tell.”
He pushed further, as you figured he would. “Well, how do you feel? Do you want to be just friends?”
You narrowed your eyes at him. “If I tell you, do you promise not to make fun of me, or run off and tell everyone about it?”
Smiling, he raised his right hand, like he was taking an oath. “I solemnly swear that your secret is safe with me.”
“...Fine. No, I don’t want to just be friends. To be completely honest, I think I’m a little in love with him.”
Cassian’s eyes widened, but before he could respond, you said, “I swear to the Cauldron, if you say anything to anyone, I will get Amren to toss you into the pit of the library.” 
At that, he clamped his mouth shut and held up his hands. “I won’t say anything to anybody,” but his demeanor turned serious as he leveled you with a steady gaze. “But I really think you should tell him.” 
You swore you could feel your heart beat faster at just the thought. “What if it ruins everything?” you said quietly. 
Cassian held your gaze. “It won’t.”
Before you could press him on what he meant, he smirked and clapped you in the shoulder, following in Azriel's wake down the hallway.
Surely it wasn’t incredibly narcissistic to think perhaps the “she” they were talking about before you interrupted was you, right? Who else had Azriel been spending all his time with? But… What was it that Cassian wanted him to tell you? Was Azriel interested in you?
Your head spun for days, especially as Azriel was noticeably keeping his distance from you. He had not come to the library, and had hardly talked to you at all. You felt an ache in your chest at his absence. 
After he had been avoiding you for a week, you couldn’t take it anymore. You knocked on his door after dinner, realizing as it opened that you had never seen his room before. Over his shoulder you could see a humongous bed with black sheets and weapons scattered about on tables pushed against each wall. 
He was clearly surprised to see you, hovering in the doorway, like he was unsure if he should invite you in or not. 
Before he could say anything, you blurted, “Did I do something wrong?” 
His brow furrowed in confusion, his shadows suddenly swirling around him. “Why would you think that?"
You shrugged incredulously. “It’s the only reason I can think of for you ignoring me for the past week,” your voice broke and you cursed yourself for showing him how much you had been hurting. 
His eyes softened, his expression pained. “I-- come inside,” he said, stepping away from the doorway so you could venture inside. He closed the door behind you and you gulped, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. 
He slowly walked over to you, stopping a few paces away, his wings folded tightly behind him, his body tense. It took him a moment to finally meet your eyes. When he did, he said simply, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” You asked, your voice wavering. “Az, what’s going on?”
Running his hand through his hair, he sighed, and gestured behind you at an armchair nestled between two of his tables laden with weapons. You sat down gingerly and he sat on the edge of the bed, facing you. His enormous wings stretched out behind him now that he was settled.
“I need to tell you something. And I’ve been avoiding you because… I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I’ve been trying to figure out the right way to say everything, and  I didn’t know how you would react,” he said, his eyes on you as his shadows swirled around his head. 
“O-kay,” you said. “What is it?”
Azriel took a deep breath and bowed his head, staring at his hands clasped in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees. Finally, he said quietly, “You’re my mate.”
You felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. 
“I --” and before you could question him, you knew it was true, feeling the bond snap into place. You looked up at him to find his eyes on yours, more anxious than you’d ever seen him. “I feel it now,” you whispered. 
His eyes widened and his body went even more rigid. It didn’t look like he was breathing. 
“How long have you known?” was all you could think to say.
It was a long moment before he answered. “I… had a feeling for a while. I felt connected to you from the beginning. Even if you weren’t my mate, I knew you were different. Special. When you first met me, you never paid attention to my scars.” His fingers flexed as he said it, his deep voice slightly shaky. “Most people can’t help but stare, but you… whenever you looked at me, your eyes were on my face. Always.” He drew a deep breath and his eyes bore into yours, like he wanted to make sure you were still there. 
He continued, “But I wasn’t sure, didn’t know how it was supposed to feel when the bond snapped into place, so I started going to the library to be close to you, hoping I could confirm it. That first day at lunch, when you asked me what I was sensing about you… that’s when it happened. That’s when I felt it… that unflinching rope tied around my heart, connecting to you. Then, I couldn’t stay away, that bond was always tugging me toward you.” 
You gaped at him, images of him over the past few weeks blurring together in your mind. 
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” he said, his voice breaking on the last word. “I didn’t know how you felt about me and I didn’t want to ruin what we started.”
The hurt in his voice finally spurred you into action. You got up from the chair and crossed over to him. He sat up fully, his eyes locked on yours as you straddled him, settling into his lap and holding his face in your hands. His body finally relaxed, his shadows dissipating as his hands held your waist gently. 
“I’m in love with you, Azriel,” you said quietly. “I could not be happier that I get to be your mate.”
He made a choking sound, his eyes swimming with emotion. “You’re not mad?”
“Why would I be mad?” you said, your face inching closer to his.
“I kept it from you.”
“It’s okay, love,” you said gently, wrapping one arm around his neck and running your other hand through his soft hair. “I understand.”
“You love me?” he asked, finally smiling, his mouth an inch from yours.
“Of course I do.”
“I love you,” he murmured, cupping the back of your head with his hand and leaning in to kiss you gently. 
You felt tears stream down your cheeks as he kissed you, and he wiped them away with his thumb, his touch featherlight. 
“Happy tears?” he whispered against your mouth.
“Mhmm,” you mumbled, deepening the kiss.
He kissed you gently for a few more moments before he groaned, wrapped an arm tightly around your waist, stood up, and tossed you onto the bed.
Your eyes widened and he smirked, making your toes curl. 
“Ready to stay up all night, mate?” he teased, his eyes flashing with lust.
You could only nod. 
-----
You two missed breakfast the next morning, too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to what time it had become. 
Mercifully, you were left alone most of the day, and it took some coaxing, but you finally convinced Azriel that you would need nourishment to continue the fun you were having, so eventually you did make it to the dining room in time for dinner.
All eyes were on you both as you sat down side by side, trying to be as nonchalant as possible even though you knew that all your friends could smell the new mating bond on you.
Cassian broke the silence, grinning at Azriel. “Well, she looks absolutely ravished, Az.”
A growl released from deep in Azriel’s throat as he lunged across the table at Cassian, tackling him to the ground. 
Rhysand laughed, opening the door to the balcony, and the two tumbled out, arms and wings thrashing. He looked at you, mischief twinkling in his eyes as he shut the door behind them, locking them out on the balcony. “He’ll be better at controlling that, with time. Trust me.” 
You laughed, feeling your cheeks heat at the protectiveness that Azriel now felt for you. 
“I guess you’re officially part of the family now,” Rhysand smirked. “Congratulations.”
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gibbearish · 1 year
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the funniest thing abt working in a call center is overhearing other ppls call handling. we work for a big bank so ppl can be calling about Really Big Sums Of Money which means they can get very shitty very fast so de-escalation is a super important skill with multiple training courses abt it but this one guy just . did not understand how it worked so we got to listen to him tell a woman "um ma'am i have to inform you that. um you're yelling at me"
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