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saint-siren · 8 months

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A World For Her Alone | Suffer Does The Wolf

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

cw (chapter specific): pregnancy loss, infidelity, abuse, suicide, childbirth, vomiting, dubcon, nothing good happens

pairing: claude x fem!reader

summary: Claude will never be able to save you but that doesn't mean he can stop trying.

He woke with a start, looking about the room as if the blood and carnage could follow him. But all he could see was his familiar dreary bedroom even though he could still feel the pain in his arm, even though he still felt disoriented from the carriage crash, even though he felt the phantom warmth of Diana in his arms. This life struck a stark contrast to the others. Before, Felix was the only one to ever kill him and for reasons clear as day. But who was this stranger in the woods?

The assailants of the forest were not ordinary criminals. They didn’t seem at all interested in what money or jewelry he and Diana had. They did not search the carriage, their eyes never even met the brooch on his cravat or the ruby necklace around Diana’s neck. Who were they? No, more importantly – who was the swordsman with unbridled joy in his expression as he cut his head off? Could they have been comrades of Felix’s, seeking retribution? He could have sworn something about the swordsman felt familiar, only he couldn’t figure out why exactly. He told himself that he’d have to be careful, he’d have to watch for them but it was half hearted. What was the point of saving his own life? If he could do anything in this life, he wanted to find a way to save you from himself.

So valiant it sounded to him but the reality of the matter never left him. He knew he likely wouldn’t be able to do either of those things anyway. There was no choice to begin with. His life was out of his hands. He’d been given over to darkness ages ago. There was nothing he could do to avoid becoming paralyzed in his own body. It had already been done. Sure as the sun would rise every morning, he would always be given over to a force greater than himself. This moment of control only existed as an illusion, it only existed so that he could be put back into his place.

He would never be able to save you. He would never be able to stop trying. He would watch you die again and again for so long that the lives would blur together and no longer be distinguishable. This, he was sure, was ordained by god. He had never been pious, he was always much too arrogant for it. Even now, he held to the last shred of it, the deluded belief in himself that helped him pretend there was a chance this time could end differently.

And so he began again. The moment he saw Diana again, he was overcome with grief and intrusive love that needled its way deep into his mind. He was stifled. He could finally breathe. He was regretful, he wanted to pull her into his arms and beg her forgiveness for letting her die. He wished she’d died before this meeting. Her life was so fragile. It was precious. It was a burden.

It seemed there was nowhere he could take refuge from Diana. She’d started going to the academy, her health was better this time. She was so happy to get the chance that she nearly floated to her first class and Claude’s heart stalled to see her so vibrant. But when the classes let out for lunch she was walking alone, the roses were taken from her cheeks, she looked somber, nervous. He could not help what came over him again, he went to her. Her big, ruby eyes looked up at him in surprise, wiping away all the shyness in them. “Lord Claude?”

“Just Claude. No titles. We’re to be family and family has no need for formalities.” Family. How could he say such things with a straight face? Never mind the fact that it wasn’t true in and of itself, not of your family and certainly not of his.

A pittance of a smile rose to Diana’s face. “Claude,” She tested out calling him only by his name and an inevitable thrill stung his heart. She must have felt it too, for her he could see the affection clouding her gaze.

“What’s wrong? You were looking troubled.”

“Well…” She hesitated and for some reason, this reminded him of you. It was like pulling teeth to get you to ever admit something was wrong and when you finally did, it was with your eyes to the floor in embarrassment. The reminder of you made his chest ache, it felt like the edge of Felix’s sword as it first broke his skin. But Diana spoke again and cut off all resemblance, obfuscated the pain of memory. “I underestimated how hard it is to go here, I don’t know anyone and I don’t have any classes with my sister. The work is hard, I don’t know if I’ll ever catch up.” Diana was not you. She never hesitated to make her feelings known. She had probably never been made to feel shameful of being human. A sudden and intense hate rose from within his truest self, though he didn’t know who it was meant for. Your parents who blatantly, egregiously favored Diana over you? Or Diana herself for…for simply being as she was? For making him feel this way?

Still, his love for her had fallen over him, smothered him. It seemed almost primordial, as if the love of her had always been and it was the Claude inside who was formed around it. It was more than inevitable, it was written into his very being. He was running desperately from something that was inside him all along. That would be until he was no more. This darkness lived before him, he was born to it. It wrapped itself around him and cradled him like a mother. It sung out in a honeyed voice, “there is nothing more for you than her.”

And so her pitiful troubles struck him deeply. “I’ll help you. If you’d like, we can sit together at lunch and go over your assignments.”

She brightened again and like a child who knew no modesty, she accepted without pretense at first. But then she remembered something Claude was certain both of them had wanted to ignore. “What about my sister? Will she mind?” She asked. He couldn’t keep himself from frowning at the mention of her. His greater self reviled the interruption in his break in reality. They usually had an unspoken agreement between them not to mention you but with eyes all around, it was impossible not to remember what they were. What other people must think when they see the two together.

“Of course not. She prefers to eat alone.” It wasn’t true, of course. You had always been pleased to spend time with him. In previous lives, he had simply avoided eating with you much of the time to the point where at lunch you did not even make a half hearted attempt. You knew what the answer was before the question left your lips and you simply left to eat alone, in some abandoned corner of the gardens. It was no matter. You could be left alone, you knew how to be alone. Diana needed someone. It couldn’t be you so it would be him. A sense of what was perhaps pride filled his chest. It felt righteous and gallant of him.

He swept her away to the dining hall, they walked so close their hands occasionally brushed against each other’s. People were looking at the two and he could hear them whisper when they walked by. He’d always hated being around other nobles, always simpering and gossiping. Although he knew that even before this all began, he had never been excellent at being human, he was certain that his fellow aristocrats were even worse at it than he was. Everything was up for grabs, fodder for the entertainment of others, everything from an alleged affair to murder. It was all very detached and uncharitable as if they were only speaking of nebulous people whose lives had long since become nothing more than stories. He felt the humiliation that exacerbated the dehumanization deep inside but what darkness surrounded him warmed at Diana’s company. It thought of nothing but her. He could be suddenly plunged into a circle of hell as payment for his many wasted lives and he’d only think to wonder if Diana had judged him as a good man; if wherever she was, she went to bed believing he’d go on to a sweeter afterlife.

His shoulder brushed against another student’s in the hall, a flash of black hair passed him by and sent a chill down his spine but he kept walking his fated path. He could not turn his head to see if he’d met his killer again but for what it was worth, he doubted finding him would have ever been so easy. As he entered the dining hall and scoped out a secluded table, it occurred to him to wonder how he would die this time around. Maybe this time, if she died before you did…

Diana opened her mouth and it became harder to hold onto that thought, it seemed to slip through his fingers. The more they spoke, the quieter his voice became. It was so eerie to speak lightly of schoolwork with a girl he’d seen murdered twice over. He’d seen her sullied by blood, dirt and terror. Now she was safe next to him and everything seemed unreal. There was the feeling of being pushed aside, out of his own body. He was losing himself, ebbing out of the wound in his chest with no way back inside.

He felt himself warm with the simple joy of having her near. He felt his expression lift from its usual seriousness. “I think you can catch up to your classmates but you’ll have to put in some effort.”

“Of course. Though, I really wouldn’t know where to start.” Diana’s brow furrowed, littered around the table were reading lists, syllabuses and assignments due the following week.

“If you want…” He sacrificed the last of his dignity failing to stop himself from finishing that sentence. “I could help you with everything. I could study with you.”

A hope blossomed in Diana’s eyes that he had not seen since the tea party where they’d made a promise. “Really?” Her voice was so tentative, so sweet that it actually hurt him to think of denying her.

“Yes. I can make time after classes end. We can start today, if you like.” On days where he was not meeting with you, he typically trained for several hours after getting home from the academy, spent a few more hours working on whatever tasks for the marquisate were delegated to him which left him with a slim space to simply relax. Doing this could only make that space smaller. He couldn’t remember a time since he was first able to hold a sword that he wasn’t tired, all of him ached for rest, he always had. He had been waiting to truly rest since he was ten. But what did any of that matter? He had always been dutiful and this was the one task which would bring him joy simply in and of itself.

When lunch was over, Claude walked her out of the dining hall, his hand on the small of her back to gently navigate her through the swarm of students leaving. Diana clung to his arm, squeezing closer their bodies closer together to let someone by. However, neither of them let go even when they had passed the crowd. It couldn’t be helped, it couldn’t be helped. Was that what he’d say at the end of his life this time? It could not be helped, he loved her dearly and that was a force in and of itself that could not be denied.

It was Diana who had spotted you, returning from the garden. Her cheeks had turned bright red. She quickly separated herself from him, which Claude might have laughed at if his body were his own. So embarrassed to be caught touching her future brother-in-law and yet brazen enough to be doing it at the school she also attended of all places. Such a stupid girl she was, he had built a hatred of her where before there had been none. Before, he had not even considered her existence. He only ever met her out of formality but it would have been just as well if he never did. Because his love for her was so intense, it could only be met with the strongest hatred he could muster out of dregs of what he was. All of his grief turned to hatred for her and for himself. The love of her had made him sick, made him mad, brought him hell in his own home. Why wasn’t she dead? Why was she healthy? Why wasn’t she dying quietly in her bed? Why could she not have died before they ever got to meet at that stupid tea party?

“Your next class is this way too, right? Should we go together?” Diana asked, nervously. Your face became a mask at that. He scrutinized you, the detached disdain he had for you was waiting to fall onto him with one word from you. He’d not have any of the harassment you brought on other ladies directed toward Diana simply for having lunch with him.

But you smiled, a false smile that kept the darkness at bay. “Of course.” He wondered if Diana even knew how affected your voiced sounded in that moment, was she enough of a sister to you to know when you were putting yourself aside for her?

“I hope to see you again soon, Lady Diana,” He heard himself say, not even bothering to address you. He turned and left for his next class. “Good,” A voice from the dark. “No harm should come to her, not even by the hands of her elder sister.”

The days were short because he spent so much time with Diana. He didn’t know what it was about this life, but he could swear he spent more time with her in this one than he ever had before. It felt sick and rapturous, it was like the cloying, syrupy medicine the doctor had given him when he was injured in training once. He felt open, his very being had softened to the world itself because of Diana. He was rotting inside and his very being had begun to show his dread upon waking because of Diana. Even if he couldn’t express it outwardly, even the joy couldn’t obscure the steady drip of misery he sustained himself on. In a strange way, he was relieved for it. It reminded him that she had not always been in his heart. His love for you refused to be forgotten and as a result, the person he was never submitted to the greater self. This pain was visceral, he needed it like water.

He surprised himself when he took you on an outing to the botanical gardens. It was just obligatory, because Diana had thought to pull from him slightly so that he could tend to you like he should have been doing. It was a tentative offering, it was “I know that I betray my sister daily but do you not see me trying to resist?” It was pathetic. Even so, his greater self had not objected the thought of spending time with you, in this life you were far more tolerable. You spoke not a word of complaint against him when he spent hours with your sister at a time, behind his back you had even tried to cover them against rumor after rumor when before you would have made a scene. You could have moped in unearned despair and jealousy over Diana, you could have lashed out at her for eating lunch with him like you would have done before but instead you allowed Diana to have what she deserved in graceful apathy. You finally seemed to know how to behave.

He tried to enjoy the date as much as he could but it was too sweet to believe, your apathetic expression had even cracked a bit to reveal just a sliver of happiness. It was a tender moment he did not deserve. And he was painfully aware of that every moment, he had no tears but he might have cried at how unsure your happiness was. Happiness from something so small as him doing exactly as he should, taking you out to spend time at a place you enjoy. If he could have freed his body just in that moment, to apologize, to tell you how he really felt, it would have been worth dying right where he stood. He knew the moment would not last. He would live to hurt you again.

On your wedding day, the weather was appropriately miserable. Hope had deserted him, it had vanished in both sides of himself. The mirage of an oasis that had kept him company in the barren wilds had deserted him, leaving him somehow worse off, alone with the reality of his dire situation. When he first set eyes on you in white, you seemed almost unearthly. A beautiful apparition. He had seen you in your wedding dress so many times, he knew it was odd to look at you as though for the first time but he couldn’t help it. You, right then in the glow of candlelight looking holy, were the loveliest sight in all of his many lives. He could not hold back the thought that he would live to destroy this moment for the both of you.

He heard himself say words rehearsed to the point of blind recitation. He hated the words, the greater self defied them by conjuring the image of Diana on the terrance after dark, bathed in moonlight. “I swear in the name of my good house, to love and honor you for as long as you shall live. Never will you be disgraced by any action or inaction of mine.” He doubted he could have said the words with any more sincerity if he had his own voice anyway. Perhaps it was just as well that it wasn’t him saying the words, he could never have managed to hold his composure as he looked into your eyes knowing that you could remember looking into his as he grasped your throat.

After the ceremony, when the guests were free to roam around drinking expensive wine and gossiping, he caught a glimpse of Diana over your shoulder and was yet again besotted as if the first time. He tried to focus his eyes on you but it was no use. She was positively shining in the scarce silver light that passed between clouds. Somehow the fact that she had managed to smile and radiate such warmth on such a day that must have been devastating to her made her all the more lovable. A pity unfurled in his heart that felt the same as his love. Oh, Diana. He had not even considered how hard this day would be for her, he was too self absorbed. She was made to watch the man she loved give his promise to another at a ceremony that symbolized the binding of their lives and fates together. She could not dwell in dreams of him anymore without being reminded, it would only be harder when children were born to them. Still, she shone brightly, exuberant in her love of both of you.

He forgot himself. “So beautiful…” He murmured. Words that drew the vague horror inside him from its pathetic stillness back to its desperate lashing. He saw you react immediately, you had heard him. He saw your face take on the sweetest look, as if so happy and surprised that your now husband should think of you as beautiful. He saw your face fall when you looked behind you and realized who the words were really for. “Stranger, if you must come for my life…” He thought, “Come now.”

Obligation to the crown soon took him away from home for a while. He couldn’t have left sooner. This time, all his letters were Diana. Not so much as a rushed, perfunctorily done letter for you. He could leave you to care for the marquisate, you could hold your own. He saw no reason to burden himself on top of everything else. But Diana sent her perfumed letter and he sent his replies. That much was different, it was what he needed to get through such tedious and draining work. They were all he thought of, all he wanted for. Diana wrote more frequently when he had mentioned in one of his replies that he read them over and over to fall asleep. His superior laughed when he called Claude’s name each time as he distributed letters among the knights, ribbing him about being newlywed. He thought the letters were from the new marchioness and how could he correct him?

Diana’s letters grew increasingly intimate, she expressed such a longing for him that he dreamed of sneaking away in the night even though such an act was treasonous. “Claude, I don’t know what there is to do without you. I thought it would be good not to see you for a while after the wedding, some time to cool off and accept things as they are. But I haven’t, I don’t think I can. I’ve been treating the love I have for you as though it’s a fever to break but no matter what I do, I cannot let go.” Those were the words that disintegrated whatever ease her letters had injected into his life away from home. He hated it, every moment spent here. He needed to see her again so much that he was sure it would show in everything he did. He was sure that you’d only have to look at him to know what he was struggling to hide.

Throughout the next two years, his absence in the manor was even more pronounced than in lives past. Because when he returned from his duties, he went to Diana’s side. He would always remember the cloying scent of Diana’s room. Even when he bathed upon returning home, he swore he could still smell it lingering on his skin. Her touch could not be forgotten.

He had not realized the depth of his desire for her until he set eyes on her again. Until he saw her in the flesh. A carnal and intrusive desire hung over his head precariously. She’d been in her nightgown this time, fresh from sleep, eyes soft and dreamy. It was morning, she was slowly getting ready and she’d not expected his visit but he could not help himself, it was a wonder he had even lasted the night. In the white of the morning sun shining through the cover of clouds, he could see the outline of her body plainly. His voice dried up in his throat. Desire, until then distinct, waiting to be claimed, finally reached over him and sealed his fate.

It is a strange thing for the body to yearn for things the mind opposes. When he reached for Diana, he felt a dread so strong that it became him. He understood what was meant to happen and he fought against his own body desperately, trying to assume control over it. But no amount of exertion ever made a difference, he was made to feel Diana’s body beneath his hands, her lips against his. No matter what he wanted, the greater force moved his body to its own desires. Even when inside, he was screaming at the scene unfolding before his eyes with his own body as its star.

His body was not his own but even so, he had to feel how it moved, what pleasure unfurled within him as his bare skin lay against Diana’s. It was a sick feeling of humiliation, of intrusion that juxtaposed the arousal which heated his body. His whims reduced to nothing in the face of her bare body. The inevitability of this act, it was a monumentally difficult thing for him to accept but what else could he do? Could he lay paralyzed and aware in his own body as he could only watch what was being done? No, the anguish of that would kill as surely as the sword that felled his head. Instead, he seemed to leave his body. Instead he let go of his body, he allowed it to take all it pleased as he visited elsewhere. He seemed to drift upwards toward the ceiling where he watched the act transpire more objectively. From that view, he could imagine it was not him who was driving himself into a moaning, gasping Diana, it was some other man. Yes, it must be, for Claude was not in that body, he was adrift.

When returned, he was holding her against his sweaty body beneath the sheets. Her scent clung to his skin. “I love you, Claude. I was never prepared to resist,” she said. She was trembling slightly as the heat of desire passed and left them only with the gravity of what they had done. “But we cannot allow this to happen again.” He held her closer against his chest and nodded numbly. He knew he would come to her again. This thing, it stole even dignity from him, even love.

Claude and Diana laid together again and again. And again and again. Despite their promises the first few times that it’d never happen again, that they couldn’t, shouldn’t, musn’t. It was always him who set aside these promises first, seducing her instead, he’d said on one occasion with his lips against her neck, “I don’t love her, I can’t. You are the first and last woman I will ever love. The moment you and I first met, we both knew we weren’t just going to be in-laws. Haven’t we done enough pretending?” Her will melted under her desire. His was buried under another’s.

Then came the day Diana revealed herself to be pregnant. He thought himself to be dead inside but the moment those uncertain words left her lips, he found that he still had hope enough to destroy. He was in agony. A child between he and Diana when he knew you had never even gotten to name your own? It was a pain that had followed you into your previous life, searching for a child you’d never hold again. How could he be fit to have a child like this when he had abandoned the one born of his failure? Now, it seemed, he had a child of his shame too. Would he love this child of Diana where he’d been unable to love yours? It was unfair, he knew and he could do nothing, nothing at all to erase it.

He knew that in his misfortune, this child would be born. He would hear himself reveal it to you and watch you crack apart as you lived between haunted memory of your daughter whose name remained elusive because of him and the child of Diana who would surely be loved. As its mother was.

Diana begged him not to reveal anything until later on, she was uncertain in her ability to carry a child to term and if she could not, what would the reveal be worth? Nothing but more pain to gather up around hers. He was bound to the secret until she was rather far along and sure that she would give birth. Even your parents knew before you did, they kept her secret and shielded her from rumors as much as they could. Their loyalties always belonged to Diana but this was egregious. They refused to even condemn their son-in-law for having an affair with his wife’s sister. Instead, they only shrewdly suggested that he take responsibility by annulling his marriage to you and take Diana as his wife since, of course, she was the one with his child.

The greater force had not decided whether he would or would not, for even though he loved Diana, he had married you for a reason. You were the one capable of what the marquisate required. His innermost self could only recoil, seeking escape from the whole situation even as he lived in it. Desperately seeking to dissociate from the pain he would live to cause. He hid deep within worthless flesh inside the cold corner of his mind which belonged to him in the same way a cell belonged to the prisoner who lived and died in it.

But it did not save him.

When Diana was almost eight months along, he brought her to the manor. She would have it done no sooner. She was ill from the strain of carrying their child in her womb and ill from the stress of the secret, of the inevitable fallout. Her bump was quite small even now, her condition could be made slightly more obscure with the right cut of dress and a coat. Her skin was pale and her hand trembled in his as they reached the salon where you were having tea. He let go of her when you looked up at them and approached you warily, slowly.

“It isn’t Diana’s fault.” The nonsensical words came out of his lips instantly, above reason, he needed to protect Diana as he always had.

You, with your flat, lifeless eyes seemed to stiffen with anticipation of his next words. “Is there something wrong?” You asked. Oh, his heart broke to hear the concern in your voice, the eagerness to help him.

“Diana is pregnant.” He would rather have died right there than witness what those words would do to you but there was no other will than that of his greater self.

A teapot fell from your hands onto the floor, making a loud clang which Diana flinched at. “Who’s the father?”

With bile in his throat he answered. “I am.”

These words seem to break you, it cracked open the mask you hid your contempt and grief behind. It revealed a frail woman whose eyes shone with unshed tears and whose lips trembled as she tried to speak. You lost what little held you together. All you could ask was “Why?”

He wanted to answer with. “Because I was devoured by this thing which impersonates me.” But instead he said “Because I love her,” shameless as an arrogant little prince. The thoughts flooded in, he was taking control over his own life, he was proud of himself for standing up for what he wanted. It was ridiculous, almost to the point of hilarity. Who was he standing up to? A fragile woman who looked as though she were at the verge of losing her mind? His wife who asked so little of him?

Your eyes glazed over and there was no doubt in his mind that you were remembering your daughter. You screamed and he thought of your daughter, unwilling to be soothed after losing her mother. You fell onto the ground, eyes on the floor as if it could open up and reveal to you what had already been lost.

“I’m sorry, big sister.” Diana mumbled and he felt sick to his stomach as his attention turned to her, leading her to the couch to sit. Covering her ears as if this wasn’t her sorrow to witness, she should have had to hear her sister’s screams. She should have to bear witness to what she had done to her own flesh and blood. He had covered her ears as if the noise were only an inconvenience to Diana rather than the cacophonous song of her doing.

Your nails dug into your skin so hard there was blood gathering beneath them. Your screams came like waves, faltering here and there between whimpers and sobs but returning. “Stay here, I’ll take her upstairs,” He said to Diana, calmly, dissonant as if this had nothing to do with either of them. As if he shouldn’t be on the floor begging her forgiveness, telling her that he’d met their daughter and he could never acknowledge another child. The child in Diana’s womb would be born to the darkness that moved him.

He brought you to your bedroom, his uncaring touch stilling you, anchoring you to the dreadful reality he had created. He left you there in your room even as your screams reached out to him through the door, to tend the mother of his child in this life. Diana had her face in her hands when he returned, he sat down next to her and put his arm around her, bringing her softly weeping face to his chest. He stayed there until she calmed. They slept in his room together, she wouldn’t suffer being alone in such a situation. His hands warming her skin, his sweet words of false assurance in her ear allowed her to fall sleep. He stayed awake, watching her with all of a husband’s concern for his wife. Everything Diana had belonged to you, was misappropriated for the wrong woman. Did she know that? If she did, would she care? Not the kind of care that would make her shed a few tears and words of regret, the kind that would eat her alive as it had done him. He doubted it.

She clung to him in sleep as if she would fall apart without her comfort, while having left another woman broken.

Come morning, Diana wanted to take a tray of breakfast from the kitchen up to your room. She already navigated the manor as if she were its mistress. Perhaps subconsciously, she felt she would be. Maybe she even thought that was the way things had to be. Was she already justifying it to herself? She walked with her hand protectively on her belly as if wanting to shield her child from her own wrongdoing. He wanted to tell her it was too late for that.

When the two reached your door, Diana knocked. “Sister?” She called, hesitantly. “Are you awake?’ When no answer came, she simply opened the door and called out your name. The stench of vomit hit them and before he could tell her not to, Diana rushed in. He followed behind her as she raced to your bedside and he was overcome with unspeakable grief. The sheets were covered in vomit which had run down the side of your bed onto the floor. A bottle of sleeping tonic lay in the middle of the mess, your hand still slightly cupped as if you’d been holding it and your lips stained the same hue as its contents. You lay motionless on the bed. Diana gasped and took hold of your shoulders, shaking you, trying to call the life back into you.

The grief turned to hate, turned to rage and he wanted to throw Diana aside so that she’d stop touching you. Stop handling you so harshly as if she had any right. Hadn’t she done enough? What made her think she was going to save you? In the piercing moment of loss, he wanted nothing more than to follow you. He didn’t think he could hold to reality any longer, but he knew would. He had no other choice. What misfortune to not even be able to go mad in the face of something like this, to always be aware of the enormous pain belonging to both of you. What misfortune to never be in control, remaining unable to even apologize. He held her shoulders and gently pulled her away as she went into shock.

Diana had begun to hyperventilate as he held onto her, she clutched at her stomach and cried out as if pained. “Diana?” he called to her, panicked. She did not respond, she stared at your dead body as if it were the only thing in the room. With the sight of you, chased into the grave by her actions, she was gripped by anguish strong enough to render her inconsolable. The fear, the guilt, the horror of this knowledge and the stress that it put on her, spurred her into labor too soon. She cried out, doubling over as the pain returned. He called out to the servants in the hall, preparing for the day. “We need help in here!”

The servants ran to swarm around Diana, gently leading her into another room. “Please, my lady, you must calm yourself!” a maid cried as they went down the hall. No one bothered seeing if there was anything that could be done for you. No one seemed to take a second look at your body. They were busy tending Diana. She was the one with his precious child, after all and you were the one with nothing. Even if they could bring the life back into you, what would they be saving? What use would you be? Claude took one last look at you before he followed after her. Even in death, you’d been neglected and even now he would abandon you.

The labor ended quickly, that was the most merciful thing that could be said about it. Diana gave birth to a small, stillborn boy. He’d been at her side the whole time, clutching her hand. The boy was small enough to be held in one of his hands. Diana was inconsolable, sobbing and screaming out her pain at the loss of their son. After he was taken away from the room, she shrugged off Claude’s touch, it only seemed to further upset her. She begged for him to leave the room, still in tears. And he could do nothing else. His heart was hollow.

Diana entered a sort of catatonic state. Barely eating or drinking and avoiding his presence. His greater mind was inundated with grief but what did he feel inside, at his core? How was he to know? One pain rolled into the other, one grief was much like another. You had gone to your grave with the knowledge that he’d given another woman a child where you had lost yours. Now this child had been lost and both he and Diana stained in your blood with no child in their arms that might’ve allowed them to pretend it had been worth it. To what end? What kind of fate was this?

He understood what Diana must have been feeling, he had no choice but to. He was meant to be her other half, pulled on a string by some nebulous force’s yearnings for her. Her sister killed herself because the man she so dearly, so dutifully loved had an affair with her sister and there was a child between them, that much was tragedy enough. But even that could be accepted, that much guilt swallowed in the face of a very precious, much wanted child. It wouldn’t be right to say that the life she’d bring forth would be worth the death she caused but it would be something to hold to. When she looked at the child in her arms, she could put aside her guilt and regrets. She would have to put her shame aside, swapping it for the love of a mother. She could fool herself into believing it was a strange sort of fate, her greatest happiness whose birth she would never take back had to come from her greatest sadness. Through the love of her child, she could find a way to let go of the regret. Something new and good would come forth to occupy her time, her love. But her child had died and she was alone with the guilt. Her sister died because of her and nothing had come from it but grief.

He understood too that Diana must have seen their son in his face and if it were up to him, he’d have gladly stayed away from her. He had enough grief to last lifetimes, what place did he have trying to ease hers when he had not even figured out how to do it for himself? Even so, the thoughts that ran concurrent to his own, stronger and louder, wanted nothing more than to comfort her. It wounded him that she was in no state to accept his comfort and he wanted to keep trying. He needed her comfort and he desperately needed to take care of her. He felt powerless when he couldn’t. He might’ve smiled at that, if only he could. Foolish. How foolish a man his greater self was.

It was weeks later when Diana finally let him in. A maid had come to his door on some unworthy night saying that the lady wished to see him. He came to her immediately, easily mollified by the simple act of her wanting him again. Out of the darkness came forth thoughts that they could still marry, could still have a child together even if it would never fill the void their son had left. We could still be happy, sung the darkness.

When he came to her bedside, she looked as she had in other lives when her health had failed but she smiled at him. “I’ve been thinking of our son.” Her voice was faint and fond, though it wavered slightly. “What if…he died as retribution for what we did?” Claude started to object. Even his lesser self was certain that this was probably the only tragedy he’d experienced thus far that wasn’t given as punishment. But she held up a hand. “Please, please just let me finish. He and my sister both were made to die because of we did. When I was still….with child, I thought everything would be alright, so long as I had you. I thought nothing could touch us. The hard part was over, my child was determined to live despite my weak constitution and I had nearly eight anxious months behind me to prove it. I thought my sister would come around somehow…I thought…I don’t know. I just didn’t think she’d ever react that way. Even if she wouldn’t forgive me.” Tears rolled down her wan cheeks.

“We never thought of anything but each other, did we? We didn’t even think of what we would be bringing a child into.” Her smile now resembled a grimace, she didn’t look at him. “I felt guilty for everything but I believed we couldn’t help it, we were so in love that we had to be together. I always softened it like that, you know? I sweetened it by likening us to my favorite romance novels, I believed that fate was on our side. I believed in the kind of love that was stronger than anything and I never thought I’d know a greater pain than not having you.” Her hands anxiously fidgeted with the threads on the sheets. “I…I think it’s time for me to return home,” she mumbled.

He murmured his discontent in soft words meant to coax her back even as his heart, the false one, was breaking. But Diana shook her head. “I’ll leave in the morning, I just— I need time.” She sounded slightly apologetic but it was clear she would not be argued with. He knew that she’d never return. How could she? There was too much blood between them now. This was their swan song. It struck him like a blow to the chest but it only made the contrast between his two selves that much more apparent. In that cold corner he reserved for the person he used to be, sometime, some place, ages ago, worlds away— he breathed a sigh of relief.

In the morning, Diana left and the darkness unwound. It retreated into the air, returning his body to him too late. When he realized this, the first thing he did was cry for you. He hadn’t been able to before, he could do nothing but mourn the shambles of his relationship with Diana. Everything was Diana and the child they’d lost. He had been forced to stew in grief but in all reality, he felt relieved in some small measure. It was a sick thought that shamed him like everything else but it was there, hiding beneath misery. He was relieved never to have to give that a child a name knowing he’d never done for yours. To give that child a love that he hadn’t been able to spare for yours.

But at the end of everything, you were dead. Gone to your grave thinking that he had done everything he’d never do for your child. Why couldn’t he ever save you? Or if not save you, then spare you this agony somehow, send you to death eternal. Why were the two of you forever trapped in this repetition? He cried for your memory, your lonely grave next to the unnamed baby boy who’d been born to the darkness that killed you again and again. He came undone, succumbed to the helplessness and dejection of his station finally. He mired in that grief. He refused to undercut it with drink or with self platitudes. He did not even stir up rage to combat the relentlessness of his own mourning. There was nothing more for him than the blood that trailed behind each and every life of his.

Eventually, when he’d grown numb, he made the decision to die again. That seemed to be an unspoken promise, the only one he could keep— that he’d always follow you into each life and each death. He drank too much sleeping tonic as you had and fell to an ungentle journey toward death. He retched and writhed in his sheets from the sharp pains. He struggled to breathe, to even move with the heaviness of his limbs. It was a wonder he had been able to turn on his side and avoid choking on his vomit. Only when he was spewing bile did his eyelids begin to droop and his consciousness fade. His addled mind conjured the image of your body lying next to him, already long gone. He reached his fingers toward the mirage, and curled them around the hand of your specter.

tags: @kage-tobiuo@kreishin @rosephantomhive@yeahdrarry@splaterparty0-0 @dear-dairiesss @qluvrv @hafsuhhh @eissaaaa @ayolk @doan-19 @fourcefulcupid@ariachaos@cerisearan@irisspade@yaesflorist@jcrml@xiaosprettygf@yevenly@amaris08atoshi012022 @obsessed-with-a-fictional-man @softbummiee@cassanderasblog @waka-babe @bananatwirl@s1mp69 @mitsuyamistress @hottiewifeyyyy @reiko69 @syyyy4ever @pinkpastel-l @dododododooosworld @gwyneveire

#claude x reader #wmmap x reader #claude de alger x reader #claude de alger obelia x reader #wmmap fanfic

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meow-town · 2 years

Text

Dee x Fem! Very Girly! Reader

Requested by @grape-flavored-lipgloss !! Took me a while because I wanted to mass-post a bunch of requests, but I really hope you enjoy this! (Pretty long because I adore this idea and went a little bit off of the rails)

Summary : Dee with very girly s/o who wears a lot of pink. The Shvagenbagens don’t necessarily like her at first but she gets them to warm up to her.

-You definitely weren’t the person he expected to fall for. He expected to start liking someone with his style, his taste in music, similar interests. Someone like Lif, to be honest.

-Obviously, you weren’t the person he’d want to date the least. Diana easily takes that spot.

-He recognized your sweetness, and how kind you were. You knew how to dress, and you obvious took care of yourself.

-The science fair was coming up, and teams were assigned for projects. His teacher forgot to sort him into a team, and when they found out, they were both pissed.

-The teacher, cause Dee hadn’t told him anything. And Dee, because now he couldn’t work alone like he wanted to. (Not me basing this off of my dee x reader story)

-Anyways, he got paired up with you and some other kid who didn’t do jack shit to contribute to the project.

-You we’re constantly nice and kind, and never got very aggressive with the other student, despite his laziness. You would give great ideas, constantly be giving words of encouragement to Dee when going through experiments, offer to hold equipment, etc, etc…

-You were a team, which means you all shared a group chat, which means he had your number. (Thankfully he already had it before he started crushing, otherwise he never would’ve worked up the courage to ask you for it).

-Because Dee’s petty as hell, he put credits in the science project so the teacher would know that you and him were the only ones who did work. He deleted the group chat, as well.

-After that, you spent the rest of the science fair with each other. People would crowd around your project stand, amazed. Because, lets be real, it’s Dee. He would explain how it worked, and you shared the thought process behind it. -After that, he invited you to a drink at the vending machines, his treat. What a gentleman.

-You two had a conversation over fizzy sodas (or something else, if you don’t like those) and mostly complained about peers or teachers you hated. It brought you together, to say the least.

-He began to text you more, talk to you more and even choose to spend time with you over Lif! Lif!

-mf didn’t even notice he was crushing on you. He was just looking at you during lunch and it clicked.

-Dee’s internal monologue:

‘Are those new earrings? They look great. I should buy some jewelry for her, I know she likes that one brand. They match perfectly with her makeup. … She looks pretty in that makeup. …Prettier than… anyone else. …

I don’t like her, thought. That’d be weird. She’s just my friend…. A very good friend….A very sweet friend who I can rely on… A very kind friend who just so happens to be the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, sweet little thing. I don’t like her though, soft as her hair might look and as badly I might want to run my hands through it. Caring as she may be. I don’t like (f/n).

….

HOLY FUCK I LIKE (F/N)’

-The man was too stunned to speak 😦

-When I tell you he turned his head away SO FAST

-His face and neck were as red as a fire truck, and he was starting to sweat bullets.

-He choked on his food.

“Dee? Are you ok?”

-Can’t even face you. His coughing fit was interrupted by small, broken syllables.

“YE *COUGH* YEAH, IM *COUGH* FINE. DONT *COUGH,COUGH* WORRY”

-He went a whole other level of flustered when you started to pat his back. Heart beating at a thousand miles per hour. Palms growing sweatier.

-He couldn’t look at you for a straight WEEK. He avoided you everywhere he went, otherwise the whole blushy routine would start all over again. A part of him wanted to be by your side at all times though, so it was hard for him.

-When he started to hang out with you again, he had to mentally prepare himself for it. Just imagine Dee shouting to himself while he did his makeup every morning.

“Okay, Dee! You will go out there and you will be charming! And handsome! And she will fall for you!”

-Heavy doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he can hear him from his room.

-Heavy already knew you from around school, and wasn’t judgmental of your style or friendship with Dee whatsoever! He though you looked very pretty, too!

-And back onto that, he gave away his brother.

-You were chatting, waiting for Dee to leave his final period. And out of the blue, Heavy went :

“Yeah, he was planning how to ask you out for months now! Never gets it right either.”

“He what?”

“Wait, he hasn’t told you yet?”

“Noooooo..?”

…

-Of course, you kind of figured and told him you also liked him. He’s really obvious. But the second Dee heard his brother had told you he liked you, he was seconds away from choking Heavy the way he did in the 2nd episode.

-He was really grateful once you reciprocated though.

-He asked for a kiss so shyly, too.

-His hands trembled as they cupped your cheeks 💓💥

-Meeting the folks was… interesting -Glam was very polite, he just didn’t expect a person so different from his son would win over his heart. -And I love Victoria, but she was straight up judgemental 😭

-She’s had a bad experience with girly girls, so she’s initially quite defensive. Thankfully, once you’re gone, the kids confront her about it.

“Ma, what is your problem with (f/n)?”

“Yeah! You keep giving her the stink-eye! She’s nice!”

-She gets super nervous and over sensitive. Glam knows about her past problems with girly girls and talks her through it. She’s on much better terms the next time you meet :)

-It gets awkward with the parents, but once you’ve proven to them you won’t hurt their son and that you’re very sweet, they treat you as a child of their own.

-Ches just full-on didn’t believe you were dating. You passed by his shop with Dee and Heavy and he cackled when Heavy told him you were dating. Once things got cleared up, he was very supportive although surprised.”

“Wow, you actually got a girlfriend. And here I thought you were going to be one of those guys who stays a virgin until 40…”

“UNCLE CHES-”

-Lif through your dynamic was super cute and she drew you two together! (Also she’s very glad Dee likes you because she was scared of rejecting the guy)

#metal family #metalfamily #metal family x reader #metal family dee #metal family dee x reader #dee #dee x reader #dee Shvagenbagen #dee Shvagenbagen x reader #dee metal family #dee metal family x reader #metal family headcanons

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wardenparker · 1 year

Text

Down the Rabbit Hole - ch 7

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

When Jack accidentally shoots a civilian on a mission he takes on not only the guilt of the man’s death, but inherits his soulmate as well. To you, it’s a dream job with more perks than you can imagine - but for Jack it’s a nightmarish complication. Even more so when he starts to develop feelings.

Rating: Explicit for violence Word Count: 11.4k Warnings: *Blanket warnings - mentions of deceased spouse, a lot of food and alcohol consumption, family recipes, age gap, cursing.* Canon typical violence. WARNINGS CONTAIN SPOILERS! Kidnapping, torture, burning victim with cigarettes, broken bones, a whole lot of gun pointing and talk about murder, medicine by injection. Summary: When the divide between you and Jack becomes big enough that a well-intended question causes an explosion of anger, you decide to get out of dodge for a while. Unfortunately, this decision has consequences that neither of you could ever have anticipated. Notes: I cried writing it, I cried editing it, I cried putting this post together. Consider yourselves warned.

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12 ~ Ch 13 ~ Ch 14 ~ Ch 15 ~ Epilogue

It's been a month and Jack Daniel's is a miserable fucking bastard. You've been told about the marks being detrimental to his job and refuse to get rid of the tattoo or the scars. Claiming that it wasn't your problem, and he considers that to be true, even if it pisses him off because he can't escape you. Stuck here at Statesman and being a firsthand witness to you dating. He swears he's seen half a dozen different men picking you up from your cabin and every goddamn time his stomach churns with jealousy until there's nothing left to do except get blindingly drunk.

There have been good days and bad ones, of course. You and Jack don’t ignore each other but you don’t ever do anything more intimate than having an occasional drink or taking a break from your day to have lunch together if he stops by the restaurant. Your staff has been hired and menu set, interior painted and linens picked out. Now that opening is just a few weeks away, it’s about finalizing and finesse, and your staff has been amazing.

The dating has been…touch and go. You had gone out with Ginger’s brother Lewis on almost every night of his visit, enjoying each other’s company much more than you had expected. Apparently he was just getting out of a relationship and had accepted Diana’s attempt to fix the two of you up gratefully. Without any kind of stress as to whether or not the relationship would be perfect – or even lasting – you and Lewis were able to have fun and relax on the nights you went out together.

With Jack not wanting to have anything romantic to do with anyone else especially and including you, you had no reason to say no to most of the invitations you got after that. A concert or a dinner or a movie or a special event - they were all nice things and the men were equally nice about half the time. Sometimes they stayed over and sometimes they didn’t, but none of them ever saw you more than twice. The guilt and the regret would creep in, reminding you that you have a soulmate and that he’s a good man, even if the two of you are at odds. The fact of the matter is, even with the casual and extremely platonic time that you spend with Jack, you do find yourself falling for him a little more every day. Whether that’s because you’re bound to him or because you just do love him, you really can’t be sure. And it wouldn’t do you any good to say anything anyway. So you do what Statesman employees do best and drink away the guilt.

******

Jack sighs, rolling his shoulders back before he opens the door to his house and steps outside to face the day. This time of year seems to weigh heavily on him and it doesn't help that he had watched you disappear into your cabin with some man last night while he sat on his porch. Not seeing either one of you emerge when he had finally gone to bed well after midnight.

Catching sight of Jack as you leave your house in the morning isn’t uncommon, but today when you do, guilt pools deep in your gut. Waking up with someone other than your soulmate is a special kind of self-torture, and the green-eyed, blonde-haired man curled around you this morning definitely was not Jack. This morning when you glance toward his house, you accidentally catch his eye and end up awkwardly waving as you leave your house alone. The blonde had been politely kicked out before breakfast.

Jack sends back that half-hearted wave and tries to keep the scowl off his face for your sake. Knowing that you will think that it's directed towards you instead of towards the man who had snuck out of your house this morning with a jaunt in his step that Jack certainly recognized.

A thought has been gnawing on you for a while now, and you hustle to catch up to Jack on the sidewalk that leads away from Statesman housing and heads toward the main area of the company’s campus. Trying to maintain a friendship with Jack has been agonizing for you, as you realize the actual depths of your feelings for him, but you’re also trying to respect his wishes. If he doesn’t want to be anything but a platonic pair, you aren’t going to forcibly change his mind. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn’t. End of story.

He hears your quick footsteps behind him, the effort for you to catch up to him and Jack sighs to himself. Not in any kind of mood to play nice, not when he's going to see that 'freshly fucked' glow that you seem to get when you bring someone home. Acid churns in his gut and he wonders if he's developing heartburn for how often he's eating antacids to keep it moderately tolerable.

He slows down only slightly, but you catch up to him by just the last few steps that land much harder like a schoolgirl trying to casually match the stride of her upperclassman crush. It’s a fairly apt comparison for how you feel about him sometimes, but that’s not a thought you want to have to nurse today. “In a hurry today?” You ask, knowing he isn’t late for his usual day. His 9-5 is the same as yours.

"Just wanting to get my heart pumping." Jack doesn't look over at you. "Not getting much exercise being stuck behind a desk." He tells you. "Champ still won't clear me for field work."

That’s your fault. You know it is. You’ve had full conversations about it. But as long as Jack insists on acting like you mean nothing to him, you’re going to maintain the same behavior. If he doesn’t want a soulmate, then he doesn’t get any of the benefits of you being that person. Including, but not limited to, an understanding heart.

“I had something I wanted to ask you,” you admit, shoving your hands in your pockets as you walk. Something that is very much above and beyond the call of a normal friend, but you’re telling yourself that that doesn’t mean anything. He’s not the only person you’ll be asking about this, so it’s fine.

"What do you need to know?" Jack rolls his eyes, noticing that you are avoiding him mentioning the fucking tattoo, but he didn't expect you to.

“I know it’s not really your thing…” He looks annoyed, and you wonder if he didn’t get enough sleep last night or if he skipped breakfast. The fleeting thought that he might be jealous of your date is flicked away with the reminder that he doesn’t want to be connected to you. He’s probably glad you’re finally leaving him alone. “But I’m asking my friends, which you did say you wanted to be,” the reminder comes with an awkward smile that you drop when he doesn’t respond. “Gabriella’s birthday is coming up, so it jogged my memory. I’m just asking my friends what they want their birthday cakes to be this year so I can plan ahead.”

"I don't celebrate my birthday." Jack manages to say the words without anger or devastation in the inflection in his voice. "Don't worry about it, sugar."

“I know you had said that, but I thought…sometimes it’s worth revisiting an old tradition. Who doesn’t like cake and presents, ya know?” Walking beside him, you feel like you ought to be clutching your textbooks and twirling your hair or something equally ridiculous. But all you want is to show him that you’re not the enemy.

Jaw clenched, Jack stops short and whirls towards you, obviously startling you from the way that you jump but he doesn't give a damn. You just push and you push and you push, not giving a damn what someone else might want. "I don't fucking celebrate the day my goddamn wife and baby boy died." He growls furiously. "Forget the goddamn day exists."

You feel knocked over even though all you've done is freeze on the sidewalk, wide eyes staring at him in shock while you're not sure if your jaw is trembling in shock or dropped fully open. "I—" The way your chest clenches, it feels like you might dissolve inwardly. "I didn't know. I'm so...I'm so sorry..."

"You didn't know because you didn't give a fuck." Jack sneers. "All you care about is yourself, what you want. What you think is best, damned what anyone else might think."

"Where do you get that from?" From bottomless sympathy, you bounce back to shock in a very different way. "I was trying to do something nice for you!"

"I told you I don't celebrate and you couldn't let it go." He shouts. "You won't get rid of the fuckin' tattoo so I can do my goddamn job. Maybe if you did, you wouldn't hafta worry about a fuckin' soulmate because I would be dead like I deserve to be!"

"This is the first and only time I've asked since the day we met." This time you know for certain that your lip is trembling, and that it's from oncoming tears. Being screamed at is never something you've been able to take, and this is...it's Jack. Someone you want to make happy so desperately that you're doing things you actively hate in order to do it. "You didn't want a soulmate. You wanted to be friends. So that's all I've done."

“I do want a soulmate. I want my soulmate.” Jack fumes, eyes flashing angrily. “I want the woman who fucking died on my birthday because she was going to get the fuckin’ candles she had forgot to buy for my cake. For me. She died because of me! That’s the soulmate I want!” His own agony makes him blind to the fact that he is crying, tears rolling down his face and his heart about to fucking bust apart, but not because of Abigail, it’s from hearing you say that all you’re trying to do is be friends.

With both of you crying it's almost an exercise in futility to make sense of anything, or to try to hold a reasonable conversation, and you can feel yourself shutting down faster than lightning. The words are there, ringing in your ears, never ever to leave again. I want my soulmate. Not you. Never you. He wants his wife back and you're just standing in the way and insulting her memory purely by existing. "Right." You barely croak out the one syllable, nodding vaguely and already backing away from him while you try not to shake where you stand. "Th—that's...you..." Whatever sentence you were trying to form isn't happening, to the point where all you can think about clearly is how badly you don't want him to be upset with you anymore. And the only way to do that is to walk away. "I'm sorry." Are the only coherent words you manage to murmur, fleeing in the opposite direction as soon as you get them out.

Jack stands there for a few minutes, only moving to wipe away the tears when his breathing is relaxed. Dread curling in his stomach as he replays the cruel things he had said to you in his anger and sorrow. “Shit.” He hisses quietly, wondering if you would talk to him now, but he doubts it.

You have to get yourself under control before you make it to the restaurant, you know that. But the tears rolling down your cheeks are thick and angry and making it hard for you to think, and when you pull out your phone to send a text you can barely read the screen. Hopefully, even if it doesn't make sense, your brother will understand enough to call you later. It's Friday and you need to be anywhere but here this weekend. Hopefully his guest room is free.

******

Jack pauses outside the restaurant, knowing that he needs to talk to you again, but he can’t make himself go inside. He’s fucked this all up. He’s hurt you and his heart aches from that. Instead, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials a number that oftentimes he avoids like the plague. “Hey doc.” He greets the Statesman therapist when the call is picked up. “Do you have some free time? I need to talk.”

A two-hour flight to New York is nothing, but by the time you land it’s late and the sight of your brother standing at the gate waiting for you nearly brings you to relieved tears.

******

It’s not unusual that he doesn’t see you at night. His therapy session opening his eyes and making him see that he’s been very wrong, very cruel to you. Sighing, Jack pushes off the swing with his foot, the tall glass of Statesman in his hand as he watches your dark cabin. He knows you’re in there, the pinging on his phone showing that you are.

There’s no sign of you all the next day, or even the one after that. No movements from your house, no lights turning on or off, no television flickering or even anyone else’s car in the driveway. It’s like you’ve shut yourself inside and locked out the rest of the world.

Jack tries to go about his weekend, but his eyes still wander over to your place. Hoping to see you, not having enough courage to go over and knock. He knows you won’t answer the door and it’s not like he’s given you any reason to. So he waits for an opportunity to bump into you.

But when Monday morning comes, you aren’t there. The bracelet he gave you - the one that was presented as an apology for an argument but actually contained a tracker so he can keep an eye on you - hasn’t moved. According to that tracker you’re still in your house, but it’s 8:40 on Monday morning and you are never late. You should be closing your front door behind you right now to walk to work, but there isn’t any trace of you in sight.

“Fuck this.” Jack slaps his thigh and stalks across the small courtyard to march up your step and - it’s probably a little more forceful than necessary - he starts beating on your door. “Come on, sugar! Open the door!”

There’s no answer. No movement from within at all. A peak through the garage door shows your car sitting there as usual so it’s not like you’ve decided to break your walking tradition and drive to work.

“Damnit.” Jack shakes his head and presses the button on his watch. “Ginger, unlock cabin 6.” He orders, worry starting to curl in his gut though your marks are still on his skin.

“Roger.” Ginger’s voice comes through his com loud and clear and the locks on your front door click open obediently to allow him entry.

His search is quick, getting more and more hurried as he rushes through the space until he’s convinced you’re not here. “Shit.” Jack hisses, sweeping his hat off his head in a panic. “Shit!”

“Agent Whiskey. Report.” Ginger had left the com open when she unlocked your house, knowing Jack would never want her to do something like that for anything less than an emergency.

“Where the fuck is she, Ginger?” There’s an undercurrent of panic in his voice and the bracelet firmly in his fist. “‘Cause she ain’t here.”

"Come into the office," she urges him, knowing that tone in his voice after years of working together. "I'll see if I can track her down in the couple of minutes it takes you to get here."

“Find her now, Ginger.” Jack flies out of the cabin and his boots thump on the walkway as he makes for Statesman at a dead sprint.

The door to the lab slams open with a violent rattle five minutes later but Ginger barely moves in her seat. The control panel in front of her gives her domain across the myriad of screens mounted on the wall, most of which are showing traffic cam footage, sidewalk security footage, or even in-building security footage of you over the last two days. A flight itinerary is pulled up in one corner and the far-left monitor shows a string of text messages. "She went to New York City," Ginger tells Jack, her hands flying across her keyboard. "It looks like she went to see her brother after your last fight."

“How did— you know about that?” Jack huffs, slightly deflated as he catches sight of the texts that you had sent your brother and winces at the stark harshness of his words written out. “Shit. Can you track her phone? Where is she now?”

"I tracked her phone to a hotel in Times Square." That fact makes Ginger cringe, but she glances up at Jack cautiously. "She didn't get on her flight last night and she didn't change her ticket, either. When I called the kitchen with the pretense of wanting to invite her to lunch today, her sous-chef said she hadn't heard from her either."

“Fuck.” Jack shakes his head, pointing at her as he starts rushing for the door. “Get Pony Express fueled up and on the tarmac when I get there!” He orders as he dashes out of the room. In his gut he knows something is very wrong.

Jack dashes out of Ginger’s office right before she gets another ping on your information - something more than cell phone records between your family members like she’s seen this morning. This is a missing person’s report, filed by your brother with NYPD just a minute or two ago. “Shit.” Ginger mutters, furiously clicking at her control panel to notify the hangar to have the Pony Express ready so she can call Champ immediately.

Jack has never run so fast in his life. Breathlessly changing into his flight suit and bolting for the fighter jet. He knows something’s wrong. You would never let your kitchen be kept in the dark, no matter how upset you were with him. No, this is dangerous and it’s all his fault.

******

There are some things television is very informative about: interior decorating, cooking, fashion, even nature or manufacturing. But in no way, shape, or form does it prepare the unsuspecting person for what kidnapping might really be like.

The men who approached you after you left your self-indulgent solo dinner had been overbearing and pushy, asking for your number and where you were going, trying to get you to go with them willingly to their next destination - a bar you had never heard of. When you had politely refused so many times that you had to go from polite to insistent, the one standing directly in back of you had pushed the muzzle of a gun into your back while the leader ordered you to do as you were told so you wouldn’t have your spinal cord severed. In terror, you had obeyed.

The duct tape, zip ties, and blindfold were not enough, apparently. You had been gagged and starved, left tied to a chair in a room you could only describe as drafty and damp, and generally ignored excepted to be threatened periodically or violently interrogated whenever one of them got frustrated. You’re fairly certain that you now know what waterboarding actually is, but you’re grateful they haven’t done worse. The thing is — what they want? Is Jack. And there is no way you’re going to give them that. Even as angry as you can be with each other, if you didn’t realize that you loved him before now, this would have proved it. Literally willing to die for his safety, you haven’t said one coherent word to these mongrels since they shoved you into the back of an SUV in Times Square.

“Come on sweetheart…” The slow, condescending roll of the words come from your left where a man of middle-aged years is watching you, leaning back in his chair as your head swivels towards him. “All you gotta do is make a phone call. One thirty second call. You can be as damsel in distress as you’d like.”

With a gag in your mouth, you shake your head once to signal ‘no’ and raise your head again, determined not to cry this time. You have no idea how long you’ve been with these degenerates, but it feels like days - and you’ve definitely cried a lot during that time. So much that you’re starting to finally feel numb.

“Fuckin’ ridiculous,” mutters someone on your other side. The voice sounds younger. Angrier. And familiar. “She’s fuckin’ useless.”

“No, she ain’t.” There is a low, evil chuckle from the other man. “You said she’s his soulmate.” He hums, pleased with himself. “If she doesn’t want to cooperate, we’ll start shippin’ pieces of her back to him.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. You blink back the fear, cut between the fear that that kind of stunt either wouldn’t work at all because Jack hates you so much, or that it would bring him straight into danger on Champ’s orders. Whoever that man is, he can’t know what Statesman really is - or is that exactly why they came for you? If you could fucking place his voice, that would be a huge goddamn help.

“Aw, look.” One of the other men snickers nastily. “Bitch is gonna cry again.”

There’s a round of chuckling, generally enjoying your fear and upset, “I bet it’s gonna eat him alive.” The older man snorts. “Buryin’ a second soulmate. Another one he couldn’t save.” There’s another round of amusement, harsh and cold. All of them in on a secret you don’t know.

“Go get some dinner.” The first man tells another. “I’m hungry. I’ll watch her, see if she’ll give in.”

There is a general sound of chairs scraping and boots on concrete, the sound of heels clicking so similar to the now-familiar sound of cowboy boots on the sidewalk. They keep you from responding with the gag, and the blindfold keeps their faces hidden, but they always want you to hear. It keeps you afraid, and fear is what they’re banking on. That fear will make you cave. What they don’t know is that your fear has more to do with not knowing whether or not Jack will even care that you’re gone.

“Has he fallen for you yet?” The question comes with a hint of irony in his voice. The need for information that would twist the knife deeper. “Or is he runnin’ from it to keep from gettin’ hurt?”

You can’t help that that brings a fresh set of tears. It seems to be the part of your body you have the least control over. Fucking tear ducts. But this guy’s seemingly endless need to talk and talk and make you as miserable as humanly possible has made you pay more attention to his voice over however long you’ve been here. Some of the others have slightly different accents - but this one is a cowboy.

“Mhm, running.” The deeply satisfied tone settles back slightly as he sits back in his chair and watches you, “just so you know it’s not personal.” He tells you conversationally. “I just want to see the poor bastard’s face as he holds another dead soulmate.”

Without this fucking gag in your mouth, you might have said something that would give you away. That would hurt Jack somehow or prove that you actually are useless to them. They don’t know that you’ve fallen for him despite your very best efforts, and they don’t know that he despises you simply for existing. He’s not running from anything – but you’re not Abigail, so you’re an insult to her memory.

“Oh hell, I’ll tell you since you aren’t leavin’ this room.” Alive is left off the end of the sentence, but the threat is clearly there. “I was the one who arranged for good ol’ Jack Daniels to lose his first soulmate. Her and the kid she was carryin’. Cherry on top of you ask me.”

Your eyes open wide against the blindfold, head snapping in the direction of the voice as he chuckles. The evil bastard is so goddamn pleased with himself. You could scream if you had breath, but the best you can do is fight against bindings that will never break.

“Bastard never even knew it, either. Dumb son of a bitch.” He huffs. “Bought the story of it being meth heads, robbing the store. Can you believe that? But it allowed me to attend the funeral. Watch his grief firsthand.”

Why? Is all you can wonder, as your mind races to try to figure out what the hell Jack could have done to warrant such a vast conspiracy before he was ever even a spy. Diana said Jack hadn’t joined Statesman until after his wife and son had died, so why the hell would anyone want to ruin his life when he was just a normal man?

“Jack Daniels is gonna fuckin’ pay,” the chair scrapes back and the sound of boots slowly comes towards you, ominous in how measured the steps are. “Maybe I’ll stage it for him. Write a note sayin’ how you couldn’t take being his soulmate.” He chuckles and his hand caresses the side of your face. “Pretty neck of yours will look good stretched out on a rope for him to find.”

You grunt, jerking your face away from his touch and wishing you could just scream at him. The muffled noises of frustration that do make it past your lips seem only to amuse him and you twist in your chair in a vain desire to lash out.

“Oh don’t be that way…” he tuts and bends down, smirking directly in your face even though you can’t see it. “You’d even be my type if you weren’t tied to that bastard. Maybe we could have some fun before your usefulness is done.”

That’s a line too far, and you instinctively start screaming, not like you’re trying to call for help but like you would call him every horrible name in the book if you could speak. There’s no way you can move but you take a chance, even knowing it’s a long shot. Reeling back as quickly as possible, you hit your head forward and manage to connect – head butting the bastard and making him stumble and fall backward into some nearby furniture, from the sound of it. Bastard.

“Bitch!” he growls, rushing forward and raising his hand. Bringing it down against the side of your face and slapping you hard enough to nearly knock your chair over. “Fuck with me and I start chopping you into pieces now!” He bellows.

Muffled and muted, the "Fuck you!" you scream as loud as you can is just clear enough to understand. You've gone from terrified to pissed, and it feels like a light switch has turned on inside you. These fuckers aren't getting shit from you. Not even another tear.

******

Honestly, Jack doesn’t remember a time when he’s pushed the Pony Express so hard. Finally setting down on the runway, he ignores the curious and awed looks of the grounds crews of the airport and starts looking around. “Where are my wheels, Ginger?”

"Rye is in the black SUV on the edge of the runway." Ginger fires back immediately. Champ had authorized the rescue mission immediately and sent one of the senior agents from the New York office to be at Jack's disposal.

“Goddamnit this is all my fault,” Jack spots the car and starts running, not bothering to change out of his flight suit. “She should be in her kitchen!”

"I've combed the security footage from Times Square." In his ear, Ginger is clicking through countless screens with images of you from all angles - a large number of them featuring a group of seven men and a large SUV that you appear to get into willingly. "She got into a slate gray SUV with a group of seven men on West 51st between 8th and Broadway."

“Who the fuck are they?” Jack demands, ripping the door open and jumping inside the car. He spares Rye a nod as he waits for his answer. “And did you track the SUV?”

“I’m working on the car. It drops off the traffic cameras after the Williamsburg Bridge.” A few clicks can be heard in the background and Ginger hums. “I have records on four of the seven men. Domestic, drug charges, firearms, breaking and entering, the usual gamut of ‘goon’ crimes. But…” she muffles a groaning sound. “Jack. Some of these guys are from your hometown…”

“What?” Jack slams his fist on the dashboard, sick that his suspicions are right. This is all his fault. “Give me their names.”

"Hank Rollins, Ben Jeffrey, Andrew Kelly, and Sean Perring. All from Lloyd, Montana." Ginger bites her lip, sighing at her screen. "On the sidewalk footage she appears to be going with them willingly, but from your reaction I'm guessing that isn't the case."

“Rollins.” Jack growls out, pissed off to hear the name after so long, thinking that he’d escaped the fucking family feud unscathed. “Haven’t heard that name in a long time. Hoped to never hear it again.”

“They’ve had her for nineteen hours now.” Ginger swallows, not liking how high that number is. “And we haven’t had a ransom note or a phone call of any kind.”

“Shit.” Jack shakes his head. “Take me to where she was taken. Now.”

Rye doesn’t hesitate, throwing the car into gear and heading for the road at a full tilt. Getting close to Broadway at any time of day is a task, but if they have to, he can pull any number of public safety tricks to be able to block off part of the area. Being a Statesman agent in New York City means having a few tricks up his sleeve. “What can we be expecting?” He asks Jack, wondering if the other agent might have an idea now that he knows some of what is going on.

“Anything.” Jack’s teeth grind together. “This is personal. A family feud over land disputes dating back to the fuckin’ 1800s.” Jack hisses, shaking his head. “I left the goddamn valley for a reason.”

“They grabbed her over a two-hundred-year-old land dispute?” Nothing should surprise him at this point, with what he’s seen as a Statesman agent, but Rye still huffs. “What the hell do they want you to do? Time travel?” It’s the absence of a ransom demand that makes him nervous. They took an agent’s soulmate and it’s not money they’re after.

“When my daddy died, I put the land in the hands of the ranch board.” Jack tells him. “I didn’t wanna fucking ranch, not after Abigail died. Rollins wants me to sell to him, but I can’t. It has to be passed down to blood.”

"So what's the idea?" Speeding through the streets as fast as possible without causing an accident, Rye keeps his eyes on the road but frowns. "Make sure she's out of the picture so there's no blood to pass it down to?"

“Did I mention that the entire Rollins family is as crazy as a fuckin’ loon?” Jack huffs, shaking his head and even more worried about you now that he knows that bastard is behind your disappearance. “Who the hell knows? Tried to claim I’d stolen his soulmate at one point.”

“Jesus.” The other agent huffs, continuing to weave their way through the thick New York traffic. “It’s up to you how you want to approach this,” he tells Jack honestly. “She’s your soulmate.”

“She doesn’t get hurt.” His answer is immediate, almost growled out. “Not a fuckin’ hair on her head.”

“Copy that.” His tone says everything, and Rye doesn’t ask any more questions. “We’ll get her back.”

Finally, the SUV comes to a screeching stop at the spot where you were forced into a vehicle. Jack throws open the doors and bolts out, eyes scanning the ground for something – anything. It's a long shot, but there's got to be something here that would show that you were here. Some marker. Anything.

Any street in New York City has trash and debris to a certain extent, and there are traces of people having been through the area just because of how much car and foot traffic moves through Broadway every single day. Broken bottles, cigarette butts, tissues, all the normal bits of peoples' lives that go by the wayside are littered about on steps and in sidewalk cracks. Candy wrappers or coffee cups by the curb. Rye combs the area for specialized clues – a name on a cup or a wrapper from a list of the favourite snacks listed in your file, but frustratingly finds nothing.

“Come on, there’s gotta be something here!” Jack huffs, kicking a trash can and there is the tiny clink of something metal being launched against it. “Fuck, what’s this?”

Rye bends over, swiping up the item as it glints in the sun. "Looks like a bracelet." He inspects it carefully, not finding a serial number or any indication of a designer, except for a small engraving in the tip that looks like a maker's mark. "Maybe Ginger can track down the manufacturer? It's a long shot that it will help, but it's something."

“It’s hers.” Jack stares at the inscription on the inside of the bracelet. “Beautiful girl, you can do hard things.” He reads aloud. “She—she showed me this. It’s a quote her grandmother would tell her.” His mouth is dry and he takes it from Rye to put in his pocket, determined to put it back on your wrist himself. “Let’s hope she can hang on. Just hold on, sugar. I’m comin’.”

"Whiskey. Rye." Ginger's voice in their ears makes both men's heads perk up, listening for a report from their eyes and ears. "The car registration belongs to a shell corporation owned by the Rollins family. They also own a shipping company with containers in the Brooklyn Navy Yard." She clears her throat pointedly. "Right off of the Williamsburg Bridge where we lost the car."

“Get us there now.” Jack points at Rye and starts running back to the Statesman SUV like his heels are being nipped by the hounds of hell. “Ginger, I need you to get me the specs of that building.”

"Sending them now." Her voice is accompanied by the sound of keyboard clacking as Rye and Whiskey jump back into the car, peeling back out onto Broadway to head toward Williamsburg. The heavy traffic doesn't part for them easily but Rye was chosen for this assignment specifically for his abilities as a driver.

“Ginger, is there any indication on how they know that I have another soulmate?” Jack demands, tensing the closer that he gets with every mile to the shipyard. He knows he will kill them; he’ll kill every last one of them to protect you. “They don’t seem to know I’m a fuckin’ spy.”

"I'm working on it." It isn't something that has been advertised, obviously, and Jack has kept his marks from you hidden since they first appeared on his skin. There are few people who know, most of whom have priority clearance. She's gone through all the background checks on the new Statesman employees and the places you frequent, all the men you've dated, even all the way back through the staff at The Whitney months ago who might have seen your marks on your first soulmate before the accident. Not a single red flag had risen, but Ginger hesitates for just a split second as she tries to think through more connections. There was one - just one – the newest line cook for The Rabbit Hole that makes her hesitate. "Have you ever heard her mention a man named Tripp Tanner?" Ginger asks, pulling up the file on the man once more. It's too pristine. Too squeaky clean. Too pitch-perfect. Like it's been manufactured.

Jack is ashamed to say that you’ve not been doin’ a whole lot of talkin’ around him. It’s not like he’s really encouraged close conversations. Keeping things as surface level as he could to not make it more difficult. Even though every day he aches and he hates that he aches. “No.” Though he recognizes the name, he can’t place it. “She hasn’t mentioned him. Why? Is he one of the ones she’s been…uh, seein’?” His ears burn slightly, noticing the way Rye’s eyes cut from the road to look over at him but he tries to ignore it.

"No, he—" Ginger hates that it makes her stammer, feeling like your dating is partially her fault because it started with her brother. "He's on her staff. The background check is clean and his resume is spotless. But it's too clean, so it's the best lead I have. I'm running him through Statesman facial recognition now." The Statesman database is far more complex and complete than any government or criminal database. If her gut feeling is right, it might kick up a result.

“Send me a picture of the boy.” Jack grunts, having already looked at the blueprints of the building where you might be. It’s better than you being in a random shipping container. They might never find you if that’s the case.

"His employee ID photo is coming through now." More taps come from Ginger's end of the conversation before a muffled shriek of dismay. "Shit. Jack— Tanner is from Lloyd, too. He changed his name from Rollins two years ago. Stephen Stuart Rollins the third - nickname Tripp - has a rap sheet a mile long."

“Son of a bitch.” Jack hisses, his grip on the dashboard nearly about to put an indentation in it. “This is my fault. If I hadn’t been avoidin’ her, I woulda recognized the bastard.”

"We'll fix it on this end, Jack." She promises him. "Just go bring her home."

“She hates me.” Jack murmurs quietly. “I was— I wasn’t very nice to her.”

“I’m pretty sure she’ll forgive you after you save her life.” Ginger sighs, watching the dot on her on-screen map that represents her two agents speed toward the warehouse where she’s figured out you’re being held. “Stop these assholes first, apologize second. She— she thinks you hate her. That’s what she told Gabriella, anyway.”

“I don’t hate her.” Jack grumbles, feeling guilty as hell because he knows that’s what it looked like.

“I would suggest telling her that.” Even though Ginger’s voice goes soft, she’s following their movements and watching the Navy Yard security cameras. “There’s movement at the building. I don’t see her, but I’m counting…six men outside the building.”

“Good.” Jack’s voice is grim and his brows are knitted together. “Every single one of them is going in the ground, Ging. This feud ends today.”

******

There is a group of men milling about around a large brick building with the number 31 painted above the bay doors. Cars parked haphazardly nearby with doors flung open present as frustratingly casual, but the large, dark gray van from the sidewalk cam footage is nowhere in sight.

“So what are we doin’ here, Whiskey?” Rye demands, slowing the vehicle down so it doesn’t look like they are barreling into the place. “Are we run in guns blazing or using some stealth?”

Every instinct inside him is screaming to run in guns blazing, but he can’t risk another man inside hurting you. “Shit.” He hisses. “Turn down the service road and park the fucking car.” He grunts. “We’re sneakin’ up on the bastards.”

The service road runs behind the old abattoir buildings and Rye tucks the car out of sight so he and Whiskey can arm themselves out of the trunk before coming up on the group of abductors. “Three doors on the blueprint.” Rye murmurs, tucking a Bowie knife into the sheath on his belt. “Those buildings are big, we gotta be methodical.”

Jack finally shucks the flight suit, changing into his standard jeans and a button up with a sports coat. His double six shooters tucked into their holsters and his electric whip and lasso tucked into his belt. “They are going to keep her somewhere small, like an office. Probably have her tied to a chair, the bastards.”

“I’m followin’ your lead.” Tucking a few throwing knives into the hidden pockets of his jacket for good measure, Rye nods for Jack to step out first. This is his operation and Rye will do what he needs to keep him covered.

He moves silently, deciding that he will pull his weapons later to get as close as possible without seeming suspicious. Crouching low enough that his knees protest, Jack skirts the edge of the loading docks and edges towards the northeast door. The one farthest away from the group out front.

There is no guard at the northeast door. The bastards obviously are either overconfident or underprepared, and Rye picks the padlock in record time to let Jack get inside with minimal noise. No alarm sounds, no person is alerted. It looks to be a storage room, and the two men pass through it easily to find a claustrophobic hallway waiting for them beyond the interior door.

There’s a muffled sound, Jack tensing and hisses under his breath when he recognizes the sound of screaming through a gag. “Fuck.” He murmurs, imagining all sorts of horrible things. “That way.”

The room where the noises are coming from is non-descript now, empty except for some card tables and chairs, and the remains of a meal spread out with some discarded firearms and a bag of who-knows-what open on the ground. Two large men are hunched in the center of the room. Deep, rumbling laughter rolls from them and cigarette smoke is pungent in the air as the muffled shrieks get slightly more panicked. Still blindfolded and gagged, the front legs of the chair that you've been zip-tied to almost constantly your arrival in this place have been broken, leaving you kneeling on the cement floor between the two of them. One who has decided to turn your shoulder into his ashtray, and the other who is deciding which fingernail to pull off with the pliers in his hand. Presumably to send to Jack.

“Shit, shit.” Jack hisses under his breath, the urge to rush in there nearly overwhelming but he doesn’t want to give them a chance to anticipate. Stealth is needed and he slowly starts to pull his pistols out but decides against it. He wants this to be more personal, so he reaches for the whip and lasso.

“I know, I know.” Rollins drawls, holding onto your left hand to inspect your fingernails. “Jack likes his girls done up, so not being able to have all your nails painted is gonna disappoint him.” He tuts, finally deciding that your pointer finger mail is long enough to get a good grip on with the pliers. You’re screaming and crying again after a few hours of putting on a brave face and he’s enjoying it. “If ya like I could just cut off the whole finger? That might be more fun for everybody.”

“More fun if you get the fuck away from her and face me like a man, Rollins.” Jack bursts through the door and squares up, his eyes not even looking at you as he focuses on the man responsible. “Always knew you were a chickenshit, but this is low even for you.”

Jack? You would know his voice anywhere, even as often as you’re at odds you’ve still memorized the tone and tenor. He came. He actually came. As fast as your heart was beating before, the pace doubles now and the tears soaking your blindfold are relief. He came for you. It might not say ‘love’, but it doesn’t say ‘hate’.

The deep, rolling, evil laugh that bubbles out of the man beside you is so pleased that it makes you physically ill just to hear. Rollins, as Jack calls him, drops your hand but stomps on the back leg of the chair you’re tied to for good measure - breaking it and sending you crashing to the ground with another scream. There is no way you can see what’s going to happen with the blindfold, but at least the two men have lost interest in torturing you for the moment.

“Daniels.” The game is up and if Rollins is surprised that Jack has found out that it’s him, he doesn’t show it. Too deep into his madness and he sneers at the man in front of him. “You came with a whip?” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Always knew you were a fucking idiot.”

The man who had been standing in the other side of you drops his cigarette beside you - probably hoping to burn your clothes in the process - and squares his shoulders like he’s planning to make a run at Jack but isn’t sure he’ll win.

“I’m begging you too.” Jack growls out, wanting nothing more than to have them strike first. Give him a reason to cut them into pieces with his tech. Rye moves past the door behind him, intent on taking out the others while he saves you. “Do it.”

“Begging.” Rollins laughs again, taking a step forward. “Tripp, don’t fuckin’ move. Keep a gun on the bitch until I say otherwise.” The sound of the safety of a gun clicking is now intimately familiar to you and you squirm on the ground, trying to push your chair away from it even a little, but a pressure on your ribcage stops you. It’s unmistakably a foot. And you’ve only heard the name Tripp once in your entire life - meaning the jackass you hired to your kitchen to bolster numbers now has his goddamn boot in your side. You knew you recognized that fucking voice.

“It’ll be the last fucking thing you do, Tripp.” Jack hisses, keeping his eyes on the older, more unhinged brother. “Finally gone off the deep end, huh? What’s this all about?” He doesn’t know why the Rollins boys are after you to get to him. Doesn’t understand it. He’s not run the ranch since he was in high school.

"You're a hard man to get through to, Daniels." Hank tells him, smug smirk still painted across his crooked face. "Last time I had to talk real loud to make you listen. Figured I'd have to do it again."

His head tilts, eyes narrowing slightly as he tries to figure out what he means by that. “Well, I’m here now. Whadya gotta say?”

"Y'all got something I want." And even after fifteen years, he hasn't figured out a way other than this to get it. Something that isn't criminal. "Now, the last time I made myself heard, you went off and skipped town with your tail between your legs like a spurned schoolgirl on prom night." Hank Rollins takes out his own gun, the pistol pointed directly at your head when he stretches out his arm. "But I'm sick and tired of a whole world that thinks the sun shines outta Jack Daniels' ass crack."

Jack’s entire world narrows and focuses on his words, taking them and twisting them in his mind. “The last time…” He growls. “My wife died in a fuckin’ robbery.” He hisses, fingers twitching on the whip and hovering over the button that would turn it deadly.

The way Hank Rollins laughs - the wicked, pleased, loathsome way he chortles at Jack's pain - almost makes you physically sick. "I love that you bought that," he gloats, taking another step toward the senior Statesman agent, ignoring his backup altogether if he's even taken a long enough look to see Rye in the room. "Hook. Line. And sinker. Goddamn beautiful."

“What did you do, you bastard?” His knuckles are practically white and he curls his lips back in disgust. “A pregnant woman? Why? What evil did I do to you?”

"You took what was mine." His free hand moves to his sleeve even as Jack watches him more carefully than a hawk. When Rollins rolls up his shirt sleeve, there is a scar there that is burned into Jack's memory as clear as day - Abigail was bitten by the neighbor's dog as a little girl and wore the scar for her entire life. "You brainwashed her against me. And you paraded my soulmate around town like your fucking prize, Daniels. That boy should've been mine, too."

“I wore her marks.” Jack hisses. “Every goddamn one of them and you know it! They would be gone if she was your soulmate.” He always thought Hank was insane, and this just proves it. The marks would have disappeared. They wouldn’t be there, just like they disappeared from Jack when she died. “But you mean to tell me that you murdered her because I had her and you wanted her?”

"I saved her!" Rollins snaps back, waving his gun in your direction as the rage builds in him. "The wife of some city-slicker pretty boy without the sense to keep a single fuckin' eye on the most important woman in the world. She would have been miserable bearing your heathen children and picking up the pieces of everything you ever broke."

Jack scoffs, knowing it won’t make any use to point out that he grew up in the same small damn valley Hank did. That they both worked and lived on ranches. The Daniels spread was more lucrative thanks to his Grandaddy being a smart man and the Rollins have always been a little unhinged. Hank and his younger brother being the worst of them all. “Point the gun at me, not her.” As devastating as it is to hear him talk about Abigail that way, you are the one in danger right now. His heart bursting with the need to see you safe.

"Now, c'mon." Rollins drawls, throwing his brother a smirk from a few feet away. "Don't start pretendin' you like her now. She already knows why you can't look her in the eye. Lyin' piece of shit."

Jack wishes he could see your eyes, but they are covered. All he can hear is the panicked breathing and sobs from your poor body. “Your issue is with me. She ain’t got nothin’ to do with it.”

"Cryin' over a man who can't ever love her." Tutting as he shakes his head, Rollins moves his gun temporarily from pointing at your head to Jack, but goes back again. He's having too much fun watching the man he despises twist. "You been treatin' this one even worse than my Abigail."

It’s in his chest to scream out that Abigail was his, but she’s dead and you’re here, alive and depending on him. His heart clenches and he rocks his jaw. “If you know how I’ve been treatin’ her, why take her? Why not let her go? I’m here now. You’ve got my attention.”

“You want me to let her go?” Hank Rollins scoffs to his brother and seems to weigh his options. As far as he’s concerned there’s no reason this can’t be as much fun as he likes. “I could see my way to lettin’ that happen,” he concedes with another contemptuous chuckle. “You got two options, Daniels. One is I shoot her in the head right now and you walk free knowin’ you’re the reason two innocent women are dead. But two? Two is you take her place. Right here and now. I’ll let her walk right out on outta here. Yer friend there can even get her home safe. Either way, yer signing over that ranch land and the whole business operatin’ on it over to me first.”

“Done.” The word is out of his mouth so fast he’s not even sure if he actually said them out loud. Maybe he just thought it. But then Rollins’ face cracks into a wide grin and he looks like he’s struck gold. “Let her go, and I’ll take her place.”

It may not be discernable words, but the hoarse screams coming from you now are crystal clear - pleading with him not to take your place. As much as this is the very last circumstance you would ever want to be in, as much as you cannot fathom how this absolute basket case Rollins thinks his 'plan' could ever succeed, Jack is worth far more to the world at large – and to you. So if either one of you is walking out of here, it should be him. Thrashing as much as your binding will allow, trying to toss off the foot of the man standing on you or else wiggle away from the pressure, probably a move that will end in broken bones, but you couldn't care less. Just as long as Jack stays far away from this chair.

“Let her go.” That’s all that matters to Jack right now. Getting you far away, keeping you safe. “Now.” Hank huffs and rolls his eyes, pointing the weapon at your head once more for the sheer pleasure of watching Jack’s face drain of all life. “Fine.” He grumbles, motioning to Tripp. “Get her up and hand her over to whatever city boy he has with him.” He doesn’t get to watch you die, which is disappointing, but he gets Jack Daniels and the land his family stole. It might even be better this way.

Tripp grumbles, on the verge of protesting, but he does as he's told...mostly. All he really does is kick you - still attached to the chair - over to the man a few feet away. Rye immediately drops to his knees, murmuring to you quietly who he is and that he's going to untie you, Bowie knife out of its sheath and slicing away at the ties and tape that bind you to the chair that has been your prison for the last God only knows how many hours. As soon as your ankles are free you kick your legs, trusting that this other Statesman agent is here to help but wanting desperately to get to Jack to stop him from giving your literal kidnapper what he wants. As soon as your wrists are free you shove the blindfold off your eyes and drag the gag out of your mouth, shrinking away from the light in the same breath that you scream for Jack not to give in with everything you have left in you. Which, after countless hours screaming, crying, and very nearly choking on a ball of knotted cloth, is hoarse at best.

Finally looking over at you, Jack is furious by how swollen your eyes are, how raw your voice is. He doesn’t say anything about it though. Knowing it would give Hank a thrill to know how much he pissed Jack off. “Get out of here, sugar.” There’s a lot that Jack wants to say, but there’s no time. He needs you away from this room. “You’ve got a restaurant to open, remember? Go with Rye.”

Like the nail in the top of the coffin, you reel back at being ordered away. Not a moment of gentleness or sensitivity after being fucking kidnapped by the man who is still as obsessed with his wife as Jack is. After being convinced he wouldn't come for you only to feel such soaring hope at hearing his voice, the desolation of realizing that he only came because you're a complication and that he never felt any kind of tenderness or care for you at all. It's almost reassuring, in a way. To know that you at least had the right level of expectation in the beginning is something, at least.

It isn't hard to bundle you up into his arms when you deflate, but Rye doesn't say anything about it. Only tucks you against him and helps you shuffle toward the door on weak legs. "Come on, darlin'," he murmurs, glancing back at Jack. "We'll get you fixed up right. Let Jack handle it from here."

"Sure." Even one word makes you cough, but you don't put up a fight or try to get back to him. To your fucking soulmate. After all - you have a restaurant to open. God forbid you get behind on your commitment to Statesman for any reason.

He wants to call you back, to talk to you. His heart aching with every step you take away from him, but it’s safer. He sees the glint in Hank’s eyes, he knows he’s looking for another reason to strike out. Possibly waiting until Jack talks to you to shoot you. He can’t risk that. He can’t risk you. No matter what, his soulmate – you – needs to survive.

After about four steps, Rye stops your shuffling and scoops you up, not wanting you to walk on any injuries or aggravate anything. He nods to Jack and carries you out the back door, planning on bundling you into the backseat of the SUV and then taking out the stragglers out in front of the abattoir. But you need to be safe, first.

It feels like you’ve cried every tear in your body, and this bitter disappointment is met with stony silence and efficiency of movement. It doesn’t take long to get you out of there but Rye does it carefully, promising you in low tones that everything is going to be okay from here. That you’re safe. That Jack’s going to take care of you. The last part just makes you feel hollow as you nod.

“Now you stay right here,” Rye croons, buckling you into the backseat and tapping a few times on his watch. “Ginger, I need your eyes in the car. Our girl is safe but I gotta take care of somethin’ before we clear out of here.”

“Copy.” Ginger acknowledges the request and as soon as Rye closes the doors, the entire vehicle locks and a red light above the rear-view mirror flashes on. The built-in screens in the headrests come on and you can barely see Ginger’s concerned face. “Honey, I need you to listen to me.” She urges. “It’s Astrid. The Statesman cars come equip with medical facilities for injuries. I’m going to scan you now.”

Talking hurts, with how hoarse you are, but you nod at Astrid’s face on screen and only shrink away from the bright lights - What are those? Lasers? - for a second before you remember she has never done anything to hurt you. “Everything hurts.” It’s just a whisper, but it’s there.

“I know, I’m going to make sure that you feel better, okay?” Sorrow and rage fill the Statesman tech as the images comes back to her. Multiple contusions, burns - obviously from cigarettes - two broken ribs and a fractured ankle. All of them evidence of the horrific torture you endured at the hands of those madmen. “I can have a shot administered.” She tells you through the screen, trying not to show her emotions. “Just a tiny prick and then you will feel so much better. Can I do that?” It’s important right now for you to feel like you have control. That nothing is being done to you anymore and she wants you to be comfortable.

“Sure.” You murmur, hoping it’s something like morphine or stronger so you don’t have to think or feel anything. “A-Astrid?” Right before whatever happens happens, you look up to find her eyes watching you on screen. “How…how long have I been gone? Does my family know?”

Pausing for a moment, Ginger nods. “Your brother filed a police report, this morning. After Jack went to your house when you didn’t leave for work this morning—”

“Jack came to my house?” You practically whisper it, but Ginger hears you loud and clear. “He did. You’d been missing for seventeen hours when Jack jumped into the jet to come to New York.” She confirms softly.

“Will you just…let them know I’m okay?” Whatever lie Statesman tells people, you’ll go with it. It’s just that right now you can’t wrap your head around the idea of Jack giving two shits about you enough to check on you at home - let alone rescue you. It’s too much.

“As soon as I get you feeling better, I will have the local police contact them to tell them that you are safe.” She promises, knowing that you wouldn’t want them to worry. “We’re going to bring you back to Statesman to put you in our hyperbaric healing station. Six hours in it and you will be completely healed.”

“Okay.” As long as they tell your family you’re okay, you could care less what else happens. Everything hurts, there are no more tears to cry, and it’s possible that you feel even more hopeless about Jack ever sparing you a second glance ever again. Soulmates. Fucking laughable. Whoever Abigail was, she was clearly more important and more wonderful to multiple people than you’ll ever be. “Astrid?” When you look up again she’s still watching you intentely. “Can…can you get rid of my tattoo while I’m in there?”

“Are you sure you want that?” She asks quietly, her eyes searching your face through the screen to try to get an inkling of what you are thinking. “You don’t have to make any big decisions now.”

“The scars, too. You said you could erase scars.” Let him be free. Is all you can think. Obviously nobody was exaggerating about the danger you were in, but it’s more than that. It’s how, when Jack barely spared you a single glance, it hurt more than anything the Rollins brothers ever could have dreamt up.

The silence lingers in the air, suspended between the two of you for a long moment. Ginger sighs softly. “Of course.” She murmurs, hating how broken you appear. “We will get rid of them all.”

Gunshots, unmistakable now that you’ve heard them up close and personal, ring out from multiple directions and you sink down in the back of the car you know for a fact is bulletproof - all Statesman vehicles are - out of instinct. “And Astrid?” You watch the automated needle release from the door handle of the SUV and make sure your arm is in line for the injection. “Remind me to fire Tripp.”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that.” Ginger promises you softly. On another screen in her lab, she can see the feeds from both Rye and Jack, and the justice that is being delivered is swift and brutal. They messed with a Statesman’s soulmate, and Jack grunts in pleasure as he retracts the whip on the left screen, pieces of Hank and Tripp Rollins scattered around the room.

A clean up team will be deployed from the New York Statesman building to scrub the site. Body removal is a necessary evil of the job and Statesman has some of the best. By the time footsteps can be heard running back toward you in the car, Ginger’s injection is starting to take hold and you’re finally feeling drowsy. Adrenaline and fear have had you on high alert since you were taken, but having Astrid’s face and voice to reassure you is soothing.

Shouting your name, Jack rushes towards the SUV. The only thing in his mind has been to get to you. To make sure you are okay. He knows Rye will be alright and he needs to see you. He manages to get to the rear door before Ginger deactivates the locks and security, yanking on the handle. “Let me in! Let me in!” He yells frantically.

“She’s out, Jack.” Ginger’s voice in his earpiece comes with a sigh as she deactivates the locks and lets him into the car. “She’s hurt pretty badly so I gave her a sedative. When you get back to Statesman, get her in a medical chopper and bring her to my lab asap.”

“Oh my god.” Jack rips open the door and climbs into the back seat, finding you slumped against the other door. “What— what did they do to her?” He demands, panicked because he’s never seen you like this. Angry at himself that he let this happen. Gathering you against him, he runs his hands over your body as he pulls you into his lap.

“Nothing I can’t fix,” she promises him, not wanting to give him the full rundown of your injuries when he’s still visibly upset enough to lash out. “She’ll be okay, Jack. But I don’t want her to go into shock or accidentally aggravate an injury, and she said she was in pain. That’s why I needed to medicate her.”

“Tell me what they did to her, Ginger Ale.” Jack demands again, turning towards the screen even as he is cradling you and stroking your face.

Ginger sighs, softly again, and looks down at her diagnostic pad. Avoiding Jack’s eyes while she reads this off will probably be better. “Two broken ribs, fractured ankle, superficial burns clearly from cigarettes. Bruising, contusions, and internal injuries consistent with being beaten, waterboarded, and kicked multiple times.”

“Motherfuckers.” Jack hisses, tightening his grip on you to where you whimper in your unconscious state. Immediately relaxing his hold on you and petting your face to soothe both of you. “I should have made it take more time. I should have beat him to death with my fists.” He growls. “I’m gonna burn their fucking legacy to the ground and piss on the ashes.”

“Jack.” This time Ginger’s tone is a warning. It’s not frequently that she hears this kind of rage from him – usually only in relation to his late wife. “She’ll be okay,” she repeats. “But she’s going to need support. Mentally. Emotionally.”

“It’s my fault, Ginger!” He hisses, his own emotions beyond rage finally surfacing from the compact box he had shoved them in to be the agent he needed to be in order for both of you to get out of that building alive. “She would have been at home— it’s my fault. She asked…she asked me about my birthday and I lashed out at her.” He chokes back a sob and looks down at your face. “I didn’t protect her.”

“Then you’ll apologize. And you’ll make sure it never happens again.” Jack isn’t a man who breaks down unless the stress is truly unbearable, and as his friend Ginger has seen only a bare handful of these moments. “She wants me to remove her marks when she gets here,” she tells him carefully. “Just so you know.”

Jack closes his eyes, absorbing the meaning behind it. “She wants to be rid of me.” He whispers, knowing it’s his fault when he had pushed you away and kept you at arm’s length. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry sugar. I should have been keepin’ you close. Keepin’ you safe.”

“You can talk to her when she’s awake,” Ginger murmurs, watching Rye finish with the last of the goons on the video feed from his glasses. “I’m deploying Delta Team to sweep up. You and Rye get back to the New York building and you get her in a chopper first thing. If she wakes up before you get back, you can talk then. If not?” Ginger watches Rye running back to the SUV, so much more composed than Jack for having no personal stake in this mission. “If not, then it might be tomorrow morning. After she’s done at the lab.”

He’s not happy, but he nods. Holding you and refusing to let you out of his arms as Rye comes climbing back into the SUV. “Where’s the chopper, Ginger?” Jack demands, knowing he needs to get you home and mended.

“There’s a helipad on the other side of the Navy Yard. Five minutes from where you are. I can have them meet you there.”

“Copy that, Ginger.” Rye takes the suggestion as absolute, seeing the condition you’re in, and the car comes roaring to life a second later.

“Goddamnit, sugar.” Jack huffs, his hand smoothing over your hair as he tries to look past the damage inflicted on you to see the woman who had intrigued him from the start. “You gotta hang on. You gotta get better.” He murmurs. “I gotta lotta grovelin’ to do when you’re up for it.”

______ Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73

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My Masterlist!

#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Jack Daniels #Jack Daniels x reader #Jack Daniels x you #Jack Daniels x female reader #Jack Whiskey Danels #Agent Whiskey #Agent Whiskey x reader #Kingsman Golden Circle #soulmate au #canon typical violence #graphic depictions of violence

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nerdieforpedro · 2 months

Text

Friends look out for friends right?

Chapter Two of Come live with me Angel Series

Benny Miller x Diana (plus size OFC)

This fic is 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 1908

Summary: Benny recalls how he and Diana first met. Living arrangements are discussed in addition to why Benny ended up in jail last night.

Warning: questionable karaoke choices, a few thots, Benny cooking, more pining, reference to a fight and jail

Notes: A slow burn with Friends to lovers. I enjoy writing them. I need to fit in tacos for @musings-of-a-rose just because. She knows why. 🤣

Main Masterlist/ Benny Miller Masterlist/ Come away with me Angel Series

Benny thought back to when he first met Diana while he cooked breakfast the next morning:

Six months ago at the Saucy Cantina. It was karaoke night and none of the guys would sing with him. He even chose ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ one that the four of them would know, but none of them would sing with him. He wasn’t sure if it was just the three beers he had but he wanted to belt out a tune. There were three women near the sing book when he walked over, two of them were looking at a Beyonce song - she doesn’t have a bad one so that’s a safe choice. But the third woman who’s dark hair touched passed her shoulders was studying a page intently. He tapped her shoulder and she looked up, her honey brown eyes stared at him and he watched her baby pink lips move as she spoke, “Yes, did you wanna see the book?” Benny shook his head and asked what song she was thinking of doing. “You’ll laugh, but I was thinking of ‘Rich Girl’ or ‘Diamonds.’” She said, setting her finger on each song.

“Those two are pretty different. I was thinking of a song too but my brothers over there are buzzkills and don’t wanna join me.” He grinned, his eyes a little glassy from the beer. She chuckled and nodded, explaining that she had been outvoted and it looked like her and her friends were going to be singing Beyonce tonight.

“We don’t have to sing what they want to you know. I’ll sing ‘Rich Girl’ with you if you’ll sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ with me, Angel.” He offered a hand outstretched as he hopped up on stage. Fish tapped Pope and Will, pointing toward the small stage at the back of the bar. The woman who he would later come to know as Diana took his hand and hopped up on stage with him. Benny remembered that he didn’t let go of her hand the entire time on the stage as they sang the Hall and Oats song and danced, swaying their hips and stomping their feet in tune with the music. It earned them a standing ovation and they got a second when they finally sang ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in which there were some squeals because neither of them could hit those notes and they may have had a round of shots in between numbers. Benny invited all three girls over to the table and kept Angel as he called her, next to him as they chatted and drank. Will and Fish noticed how Benny kept holding onto her hand, like she might bolt, but she didn’t seem to mind. When the girls went to the bathroom, they teased him about getting a girlfriend of karaoke. Benny told them to shut it and that she was just really nice, but he knew then he wouldn’t be alright with not knowing her name and noting seeing her again.

Over the course of the night, he learned her name Diana and she told him his, Benjamin, but to please call him Benny, no one calls him his full name. They exchanged phone numbers and he made sure to text her to check if she got home okay and to see if she wanted lunch. One would have thought that he’s asked her out on a date but it wasn’t, just brunch. It was fun and no pressure. It helped a lot that Benny was a goofball and that Diana liked telling bad jokes. It’s been great for the last six months, towing the line between friends and something more and easy, so very easy.

This morning, Diana woke up and had a headache. What should she do? Moving in with her mother would be the more reasonable of the two options, but could she stand living with the woman again? Especially now that she was being effectively kicked out because her roommate found a man and she hadn’t.

Benny was up off the couch and had folded the blanket. He was making some eggs and toast when he saw Diana walk out in a loose black tank top and pink shorts that bunched between her legs from her thighs rubbing together. Her eyes were blurry and she rubbed them to adjust to the bright light. They went wide when she saw Benny in her kitchen, shirtless in his jeans and no socks, his hair was down and coasting along the back of his neck. She sometimes forgets how tall and broad he is. No…she knows. She tried to forget, because if she thinks about it, she do that before bed again.

“What the hell Benny..?”

“Damn Diana, that’s not what I expected. I thought I’d at least get a ‘thanks’ or a ‘good morning’, no hospitality.” He turned with a wide grin, holding a spatula in one hand. Diana cleared her throat and took a few steps forward on the cold floor to make sure she wasn’t having another dream about the younger Miller again. It turned out she was not and he really was making her breakfast in her apartment.

“I-I didn’t expect you to be making breakfast. Thank you. I was just surprised. I didn’t think you could cook.” Diana walked over and leaned on the counter, her breasts were pushed together from her crossed arms as she watched him scrambling eggs in her frying pan. “Did you want me to start some bacon or toast?” She asked, Benny turned to answer her but was greeted by her ample cleavage that was exposed. Toward the scoop of her tank top, it looked like he might just be able to see the cusp of something. He’s not supposed to be thinking about that they’re friends. Benny wonders from time to time and feels guilty because of how close he keeps Diana. He swallowed the spit that had gathered in his mouth and nodded.

“Sure, make both. I’ll eat what you don’t. You like onions and peppers in your eggs right?” Benny asked, drizzling some on half of the eggs, Diana agreed and took out the bread and bacon to get started. The bacon she put between two paper towels and microwaved it while she plugged up the toaster to start on the bread.

“Benny, you take your toast like your hair?” She joked, he roared with laughed as he remembered first telling Diana that’s how he liked all his bread that wasn’t on a sandwich. He was finishing up the eggs while she made six pieces of toast and eight pieces of bacon. It was a lot of food, but after they sat down and split it up, Benny and Diana scarfed all of it down along with two glasses of water each. They sat at the table relaxing because they were both full. Diana decided to ask first.

“Benny, are you going to tell me why you were arrested last night? You told me you hadn’t had any issues with the law for a couple years. There had to be-”

“You really wanna know Angel? Then if I tell you, you need to move in with me.” Diana opened her mouth to protest but Benny held up his hand. “You’re gonna say no, but you know you and your mom are like oil and water. Also you can pay me rent if it makes you feel better. I’d rather you didn’t though. You’re my friend.”

You’re my friend.

Diana realized that the only one stressing about being in close quarters with Benny was her. It would be the better and cheaper choice. She’d just have to keep her wits about her and gawk at him…too much.

“Fine Benny, I’ll move in with you. I haven’t found another place besides my mom’s anyway. Now will you tell me why I had to get you from county last night?”

“You know that bar we go to often, right? I was drinking after a fight. May have lost, not a big deal. Point is, we were laughing and joking it was all good.” Benny leaned forward with both elbows on the table, his muscles taut. Diana wants to tell him to sit back or throw a blanket on so she won’t stare.

“I know the bar, yes.” She tilts her head, confused about where this is going. “If things were good, why were you in jail?”

“That bastard said, anyway. He said something he shouldn’t have. I showed him he should keep his mouth shut.” Benny shook his head and stood up from the table taking both plates and silverware over to the sink. Diana sighed following him and had her hands on her hips.

“Benjamin Miller tell me what he said. Now.” Her lips pressed together, and he knew her bottom lip had likely poked out. “Was it really that serious to where you needed to injure three men? I mean I’ve heard all sorts of things said-“

“I don’t care what you might have heard in the past but no one’s going to talk about you like that! Not while I’m breathing.” Turning toward her, his face was red as he chewed on his cheek. “He asked me how you were in bed because he was sure you were enthusiastic and loud since you sing so well. I told him to shut the fuck up and he followed it up with…it doesn’t matter. I should have made it so his jaw would be wired shut.” Benny tossed the dirty spatula in the sink and started running water in a large bowel, pouring in some soap to start washing. “You dry Diana.”

“Anything any drunk idiot says you shouldn’t listen to Benny. He’s an asshole. Don’t go to jail again. He and no other asshole is worth it.” Diana took the spatula and two forks to dry and put them to the side to put away.

“I’m not letting some douchebag think it’s fine to talk about you any kind of way Di, I’m not. I’ll try and stay out of jail. I can’t promise not to fight for you.” Washing the two plates, Benny handed them to Diana and watched as she bumped the drawer closed with her hip and leaned on her tip-toes to put away the plates after drying them. He found himself laughing to which she whipped the dishtowel at him.

“If I move in with you, you can’t be going back to jail Benny. I’m serious.”

“I am too.” Diana knows how serious he is which is a blessing and a curse. There’s always assholes that will say all sorts of things. Thankfully Benny was alright but what happens if he gets a longer sentence. Maybe he somehow thinks he won’t. They’re going to have to agree to disagree. “One other thing though Angel,”

“What now Benny? You gonna fight the cabinet for being too tall for me?”

“No. We need to go get my jeep from the bar. Then we can start moving your stuff today.” Whipping his hands on his jeans, he walks over to the couch and gets his shirt and slips it on. “Grab your keys.”

“I don’t leave the house in my sleep clothes Benny. Give me five minutes.” Rolling his eyes, he watches Diana make her way into the bedroom and close her door to get dressed. She may have fussed at him, but she was still moving in.

Goal accomplished

Notes on Benny’s guitar 🎸: @tinytinymenace @laurfilijames @rhoorl @musings-of-a-rose @megamindsecretlair @gwendibleywrites

#fanfiction #benny miller x plus size reader #benny miller #benny miller x ofc #triple frontier fanfiction #triple frontier #Nerdie fic

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stranger-fanfiction-n-things · 3 months

Text

CHAPTER 1: THE VANISHING OF WILL BYERS

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: Love this subtle encounter. Slow burns FTW. I struggled with communicating my feelings in high school just like Diana does. I also really love how attentive Barb is to Diana.

Word Count: 2265

Masterlist

PROLOGUE || PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV

HAWKINS HIGH

My body feels like it’s vibrating. I can’t describe how I’m feeling. Angry? Embarrassed? Sad? Shocked? Overwhelmed? The truth is, I don’t know why I left. I finished my history paper last week. I don’t need to go to the library. Between Tommy H and Carol making fun of me with the jock table to Steve and now Nancy, I couldn’t stay in the cafeteria any longer. Steve helping Nancy study? I don’t think I’ve seen him with a book in hand. His intentions were clear as day and Nancy was falling in his trap.

No. It’s unfair to Nancy to say that. Nancy is smart and autonomous. She knows what she’s doing…right? Nancy is the first between Barb and I to be in a romantic relationship with a boy. She is figuring it out as she goes along and we are following behind her. But Steve. He has a track record and their names are Laurie, Amy and Becky. He knows exactly what he’s doing and I am unsure of his intentions. That is what makes me suspicious. Did he really like Nancy or was she the latest conquest? What if—I collide with a body hard enough to drop my cardigan and book bag on the floor. My books, lunch and stationary fly across the hallway in different directions.

“Hey, watch where you’re going, will ya?”

“I’m so sorry!”

My cheeks burn as I drop to my knees picking up my things. I don’t dare look up and reach for the crumpled paper bag carrying my lunch, shoving it in my book bag. The person is on the floor too, collecting my pencils, pens and erasers that scattered across the floor. My heart is beating so fast. I feel pairs of eyes watching me in the hallway and force myself to keep my head down and avoid eye contact. I want to get out of here as fast as I can.

I stack my notebooks on top one another before shoving them in my bag. A large hand holding my stationary is in my line of vision and my breath hitches in my throat. I peer up beneath my bangs to see who it is and I see a pair of beautiful dark brown eyes looking at me. My jaw falls slack. I’ve seen him before in the parking lot with a girl who looks like his sister or cousin. They’re seniors at Hawkins High. The boy arches his brow and I blink realizing he’s waiting for me. I bite my lower lip taking the items from his hand.

“T-Thank you,” I say softly.

“No problem.” He says and my eyes drift to his lips. They are so full and pink. “Are you okay?”

The corner of his mouth twitches and I swallow.

“Yes! I’m fine.” I say quickly, shoving my stationary in my bag. I pick up my chemistry textbook while I stand to my feet. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention and—I’m really sorry.” I cringe at how frantic I sound. He probably thinks I’m about to have a panic attack.

The boy lifts his hands with caution and part of me thinks he’s going to run away or tell me to calm down. “I believe you, don’t worry.”

“Miss Sinclair, are you okay?”

I turn to Principal Higgins and wonder if he was here the whole time watching us. But he isn’t looking at me even though he asked me the question. Instead, Principal Higgins is glaring at the tall boy beside me. The corners of his lips pull up to a smile and my heart stutters in my chest at the dimples on his left and right cheek. I blink and nod my head, peeling my gaze off him.

“Y-yes, Principal Higgins.”

Principal Higgins finally looks at me, his glare is less intense but still holds its edge.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

I frown at the question. Why would I lie?

“Yes. I fell and my things went flying everywhere and...” I explain, turning to the boy. I want to say his name and realize I never asked.

“Eddie.” He says, standing tall and proud.

“Eddie was the only one nice enough to help me pick them up.”

Eddie grins now at Principal Higgins and I stare at his dimples again. They sunk deeper in his cheeks and he appears more boyish. He’s very attractive. Beautiful even. In a dishevelled kind of way. His pale skin is blemish free and his hair is curly and a little frizzy. I wonder what conditioner he uses or if he used conditioner. I press my chemistry textbook against my chest.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Principal Higgins says. Though he sounds anything but. “Have a good rest of your day Miss Sinclair.”

He walks away without another word and I frown at how weird the interaction was.

“Enjoy your day Principal Higgins!” Eddie says and Principal Higgins turns his head. The annoyance in his features is laid on thick.

I flinch, astonished by Principal Higgins visceral reaction to Eddie. Eddie waves at him, clearly for his own amusement and when Principal Higgins turns down the hall, he looks at me, smile fading a little. I open my mouth but quickly close it. What do I say now?

“Thank you.” I say for the second time.

There’s a glint of amusement in Eddie’s eyes and it both confuses me and pulls me in. “No problem.”

Neither of us walk away and I am all too aware the stares of people in the hallway. We were just standing in the middle looking at each other. I feel Eddie’s gaze linger on my face and feel my heart beat fast.

“Bye.” I say, quickly turning around and walk away from him before I implode.

I can feel his stare at the back of my head and don’t dare turn around.

The sun shines in the sky but it is still cold. I shiver as a gust of wind blows pass me. I realize after the fact, I left my cardigan somewhere in the hallway. I don’t bother to turn back to retrieve it because what if Eddie is still there? I already embarrassed myself enough in front of him. There are very few people outside and I sit on a concrete ledge near the hedges, dropping my bag and textbook on the ground. Opening my book bag, I find my lunch at the bottom and pull it out. A groan leaves my lips at the state of it. It looks like an old crumpled up newspaper and some edges are ripped from shoving my books on top of it.

I know my lunch is ruined before I open the bag. My sandwich is unrecognizable with cucumber and cream cheese oozing out from the saran wrap. My bag of pretzels is salvageable though most of the pieces are broken. It is still better than nothing. I chew on a couple of pretzels, revelling in the bursts of salt. I’m starving but won’t risk getting sick eating the cafeteria food. Today is not a good day.

I think about Mr. Kaminsky’s chemistry test tomorrow. Chemistry is not my strongest subject and I was really looking forward to studying after school with Nancy and Barb. I stopped asking Mr. Kaminsky for help last month because he intimidates me and I left our session feeling more confused than before. I wasn’t failing. I had a B+, but I want to get an A on this test.

Someone clears their throat beside me and I flinch, crushing a pretzel in my hand. I glance up and see Eddie looking down at me with a white cardigan in his hand. My cardigan.

“This is yours, right?”

I nod in response, dusting the pretzel and salt from my hands and stand up to take my cardigan from him. I immediately put it on, basking in its warmth.

“Thank you…again.” I chuckle dryly.

Eddie stands tall, towering over me by a foot at least, and slim with a long torso. I look at his clothes. It’s definitely different from what boys in town wear. A black leather jacket and a plain white t-shirt tucked into his pants with a black belt. A silver chain hangs from his belt, glinting under the sunlight. I notice how small his waist is and my cheeks are hot at the random observation. His denim jeans are tight fitting around his thighs and flare out from the knee to the worn, heavily scuffed black Chelsea boots. Eddie holds a black metal lunchbox in his hand that looks like it has been thrown against a wall one too many times.

“You’re welcome…” he lingers, staring at me.

“Diana.” I respond, breathless.

“You’re welcome, Diana.”

Eddie nods his head and walks away this time. I watch his frizzy curls blow in the wind. I wonder where he’s going as we still had fourth period and I glance over his shoulder. The girl I always see Eddie with is waiting for him. I notice she is taller than Eddie, but not by much. She says something to him with a smile, playfully poking Eddie in the side. Eddie easily averts her touch and this makes her smile widen to a grin. Her gaze shifts to me for a moment and I fear she’ll yell or frown at me for being nosy, but she does neither. Instead, she waves at me. I wave back shyly and she turns around catching up with Eddie, both of them walking to the parking lot.

When I entered Mr. Kaminsky’s class, Barb is in her usual seat by herself. Nancy is nowhere to be seen. She’s probably with Steve again. I walk to my seat beside Barb and sit down, setting my chemistry textbook on my desk.

“You’re pouting,” Barb tell me, resting her head in her hand.

“I’m not pouting.” I say, pulling out my notebook and pencil. Eddie’s dark brown eyes flash in my mind and I shake my head.

Barb sighs to herself, perking up in her chair. From the corner of my eye, Nancy walks into the classroom and sits in her seat behind me. I don’t move, opening my notebook to a fresh page.

“Diana?” Nancy says.

“Good afternoon, class,” Mr. Kaminsky begins.

I pull my lower lip with my teeth silently thanking Kaminsky for interrupting Nancy. I’m not mad at her. My feelings towards Nancy has nothing to do with her and had everything to do with Steve Harrington and my insecurity.

“As you all know, we have a test tomorrow which means today will be a test review. By now, I am sure you have all been told about the level of difficulty my tests are and I just want to let you know that if you pay attention in today’s class and ask questions, you will not fail. Now, let’s start from chapter one.”

“How long are you going to not talk to me?” Nancy says.

I look at Nancy, not understanding what she meant. Mr. Kaminsky’s class ended five minutes ago and my mind feels like it’s going to melt. The last thing on my mind is what happened in the cafeteria. Barb is unusually quiet beside me and I wonder if she feels the same way I feel after chemistry. Mentally exhausted.

“Nance—” I sigh.

“Let me explain,” Nancy urges, blue eyes wide and hopeful. Barb and I stop in the hallway waiting to hear what she has to say.

“Steve and I were in the bathroom and he was trying to get me to let him help me study. I just got so caught up in the moment, I spoke without thinking.” Nancy looks between Barb and I. “I know I was the one who planned this study date with you two and I hate that you two feel like I’m ditching you. I promise, I’m not and I’m sorry for all of this.”

Barb is the first to speak. “It’s okay, Nance. I understand. You like Steve and this is all new and exciting and I’m happy you’re happy.”

Nancy nods her head and looks at me. I shift my weight from side to side.

“I’m not mad at you, Nancy.” I say and Nancy’s eyebrows shoot up. “I was just…shocked and I didn’t know what to say or do so I just left and I shouldn’t have done that. Like Barb said, I’m happy you’re happy about Steve. This is new and exciting and I guess I’m still trying to process it all while also being in the moment with you.”

I look at Barb who nods her head in encouragement. I take a deep breath, feeling her warm hand in mine.

“I know you like Steve,” I continue. “Barb and I can see it, but we fear that the more you hang out with Steve and Tommy H and Carol…the more you’ll forget about us or not want us around as much.”

“When you get popular,” Barb finishes. I squeeze her hand in appreciation.

“I will never, ever forget about you guys or leave you guys for Steve Harrington. You two are my best friends. I could never ditch you for Tommy H and Carol Perkins.” she grimaces. Barb and I laugh. “I love you both too much to ever let that happen.”

“Aw!” Barb squeals, pulling Nancy and I in for a hug. “We love you too Nancy.”

My eyes burn with emotion and I close my eyes holding onto Nancy and Barb.

“Always.” I add.

NEXT -> PART IV

#black fem reader #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things rewrite #dianasinclair #eddie munson x black!reader #eddie munson x female reader #sinclair!reader #steve harrington x black!reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson fanfic #steve x reader

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numinousmysteries · 6 months

Text

All the Seeds

@eightnightsofmulder

@today-in-fic

Eight Nights of Mulder Day Six: Dreidel [on Ao3]

December 1998

He almost kissed me in his hallway. He lets her call him Fox. He loves me. He loves me not. He came all the way to Antarctica to save my life. He ditched me with Gibson Praise to drive off with her in Phoenix. He loves me. He loves me not. He said he loved me when he was high on painkillers. He probably told her that countless times while sober. He loves me. He loves me not.

Being off the X-Files is bad for us. Running background checks on fertilizer purchases uses up too small a fraction of my brain power and frees up too much of my energy to think about other things…like what the fuck is going on in my partner’s head. He’s moody and more impatient than normal. His behavior borders on flirtatious at times but if I play along, he recoils.

When we worked on the X-Files together, Mulder and I were in sync. We rarely shared an opinion, but we had our routine well-established: Theory, countertheory, hunches, wild goose chases, and typically ending up just as clueless as when we started. It was a well-choreographed dance. We could do all the steps with our eyes closed.

Now, we’re stomping all over each other’s toes. Our rhythm is off. Sometimes it seems like we’re having two different conversations at the same time.

I don’t want to say it’s all Diana Fowley’s fault, but she sure as fuck isn’t helping. She tends to always have an excuse to call him down to the basement with a question about a case. She inevitably makes her way up to the bullpen around lunchtime to see if he wants to get something to eat. Mulder usually asks if I’d like to join, but I know it’s an empty invitation.

I’m not proud of it, but I do have a jealous streak. It isn’t even always romantic, either. I remember competing with my siblings for my father’s attention, and burning with anger if he seemed more impressed with one of them at any given moment. It was the same in school, from the time I was a child all the way through Quantico. I had such a desire to please my teachers and needed to be the favorite in every class.

Needless to say, being the subject of Mulder’s undivided attention—with the exception of the weekly cryptid or the occasional busty entomologist—for nearly six years felt good. Having to share him with Diana Fowley does not.

I know they have history. And I know she’s attractive. But it’s not even that. It’s the effect she has on him. The way he’ll believe anything she says without a scrap of evidence. The way she makes me feel like a nagging shrew. The way she gets to call him Fox.

He’s coming back from lunch now, striding across the bullpen towards me, and, is he…whistling? I sincerely hope all he had to eat was a sandwich.

“Hey, Scully,” he says, smiling. “It’s unseasonably warm out. What do you say we get out of here for a bit?”

“You’ve been gone for nearly an hour. Weren’t you at lunch with Agent Fowley?” I ask.

“Nah,” he says. “She got an urgent phone call before we made it out of the building, so I just went back to my apartment to pick up this book on cryptozoology that’s been on my mind.”

I notice he’s empty-handed. “But you didn’t find it?”

Mulder shakes his head. “I think it might still be in our old office. But I found something else.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small wooden top.

“A dreidel?”

“Yeah,” he says, smiling. “This was mine when I was a kid. Ended up in the back of my bookcase somehow. Come on, I’ll teach you how to play. ‘Tis the season, after all, and I promise it’ll be more fun than running another background check. Although that isn’t saying much.”

I could use a break. This work is mind-numbingly dull and playing hooky for an afternoon with Mulder sounds much more intriguing. I return his smile and shrug on my coat.

As I’m following him through the bullpen, he calls out to me, a little too loudly, “I hope we’re not stuck on this stakeout the rest of the day, but knowing our perp I wouldn’t bet on making it back before sunset.”

“That’s too bad, Agent Mulder,” I reply, matching his volume and trying not to grin. “I was hoping to get ahead on all this paperwork.”

The elevator down to the lobby is crowded but he gives me a conspiratorial wink and I feel myself blushing. I’m pressed up close to him and can smell his musk and aftershave. We both can’t help but laugh once the lobby’s revolving door propels us onto the sidewalk. He’s right. It’s warm out for December and in the sun I barely need my coat.

We wander until we’re a safe distance from getting spotted and find ourselves a bench near the reflecting pool. Thanks to the temperate weather, the Mall is busy and we can easily blend in with the crowd of tourists and office workers.

“Ever played dreidel before, Scully?” he asks.

“I can’t say I have.”

“It’s easy.” He holds the top out to me in his palm.

“This is nun,” he explains, pointing to the side of the dreidel embossed with a character that looks like a backward letter C. “If your spin lands on nun, you do nothing, which is easy to remember. But nun looks deceptively similar to gimel”—he turns the top to a side with a nearly identical symbol, but this one has a little leg sticking out of the bottom, “and if you land on gimel, you get the whole pot.”

“What’s in our pot, Mulder?” I ask.

“Sam and I used to play with gelt but since we don’t have any, we can use these instead,” he says, pulling a bag of sunflower seeds out of his jacket pocket.

“If you land on shin,” he says, showing me a character that looks like a W, “you have to add a coin, or a seed in our case, to the pot. That leaves hey”—now he shows me the final side of the dreidel— “and that means you take half the pot.”

“I think I got it,” I say.

He starts divvying up a pile of seeds between the two of us. He brings one to his mouth, cracks open the shell with his teeth, and eats it. I’ve seen him do the same motion hundreds of times and it always makes me wonder what else his nimble mouth is capable of. I’m sure Diana has intimate knowledge of that.

“For good luck,” he says.

“Sure, Fox,” I say teasingly.

He cringes.

“Sorry,” I say, my eyes drifting to my pile of sunflower seeds. “That’s what Diana calls you.”

“Yes, and I hate it,” he says. “I’ve asked her not to, but it’s not a battle worth fighting. I think she does it just to irritate me.”

“I know you two were,” I pause. “Together.”

Why am I prying? He knows that I know. I know he’ll never say anything outwardly negative about her as much as I wish that he would. And I don’t want him to think that I’m fishing. But I can’t resist.

“A long time ago,” he says quietly.

“It must be nice to have her back, though” I say. “An old friend.”

He shrugs and plucks one seed from each of our piles to start the pot.

“You go first,” he says, handing me the dreidel.

I give it a flick with my fingers but my spin is too enthusiastic and the dreidel ends up falling off the bench.

“Easy there, tiger,” Mulder says with a laugh, leaning over to pick it up off the ground.

I try again more gently, and land on hey. “Nice, Scully,” he says, as I take one seed back from the pot.

We go back and forth like this for a while, our respective sunflower seed piles growing and shrinking.

“I never did this with Diana,” he says absentmindedly as he adds to the pot after landing on shin.

“You don’t need to tell me that, Mulder,” I say softly, once again avoiding his eyes.

“It’s true,” he says, bringing his fingertips to my chin, encouraging me to look up and face him. “I’m not going to lie to you. We were very close for a while and, at the time, I would’ve said she was the love of my life—”

I flinch and hope he doesn’t notice.

“—but that was before I met you.”

“Oh, please, Mulder,” I say, leaning back and away from him. “You were in a relationship with her. You lived together. You were…intimate. I’m just your partner.”

“I hope you don’t believe that, Scully,” he says sternly, and I realize he’s serious. “I thought I loved Diana because she was the first person to accept me for who I am, but it didn’t take long to realize that she didn’t really see me. She saw a version of me that she felt she could mold into someone she’d want to be with. When I didn’t want to go along with that, she picked up and left. But you see me, Scully. You really see me for who I am and you haven’t run away yet.”

He reaches across our sunflower seed piles to hold my hand. His touch is gentle yet firm, as if to reassure me. My lips are trembling and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I’m scared to speak, not knowing what sounds will come out.

“And I see you,” he continues. “You’re so fucking loyal and honest and you fight for what you believe in. You’re principled and kind and even though you challenge me every day, there’s no one else I’d rather argue with. You give my life meaning.”

He squeezes my hand tighter. I try to hold back my tears but it’s no use. I blink and they’re streaming warm down my face. My heart and my mind are racing. Passersby are milling all around us but we’re frozen like statues.

“Mulder,” I gasp. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he says, smiling as he passes me the dreidel. “Just spin.”

Catching my breath, I give the dreidel one last spin on the bench.

“Gimel!” he shouts excitedly. “You get all the seeds, Scully. And all of me. Don’t forget that.”

“Too bad I don’t like sunflower seeds,” I say, smiling at him shyly.

“Well, I can take those off your hands,” he says, sweeping all three piles of seeds back towards him. “But you are stuck with me, unfortunately.”

We lock eyes. “I can live with that,” I say.

He returns the seeds to the plastic bag and tucks it back into his jacket pocket. As we walk back to the Hoover building, he drapes his arm around me. For the first time in months, we’re back in sync.

I think he just might love me.

#eightdaysofmulder #eightnightsofmulder #8dom #txf #xf fanfic #xfiles fanfic #msr

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mercurygray · 4 months

Note

Trying NOT to be obvious and ask for something with Diana (beloved) again, so how about a new girl - Freda, with "Cloying sweetness on the back of your tongue" from the Sensory Prompts, please?

And she thought she was supposed to be the welcome wagon.

"Miss Fred, Miss Fred!" Two small boys came running up to meet her jeep, waiting at a respectful and safe distance until she'd turned the engine off and gotten her box out of the back. She was on the lunch run today, and the turkey and cheese sandwiches weren't going to keep if she left them out in the sun too long.

"Well, hey there, Adam. George. What's doing?"

"Have you got any extra doughnuts today, Miss Fred?"

Fred shrugged theatrically, setting the heavy box-tray down at her feet. "'Fraid I don't, fellas. But I do have these cookies - er, biscuits - the mess hall just finished making. I was bringing them for Ken and the crew but I might have a couple extra. How do you feel about chocolate chips?"

You could have knocked the boys over with a feather. "Chocolate CHIPS?? You make biscuits with chips in 'em, Miss Fred?"

"How do you get the chips to taste like chocolate? I think my mum needs that."

Fred cycled through a a moment of brief confusion until she realized the mistake. Chips…crisps…fries…oh.

"What, you fellas ain't ever had chocolate chips before?" Ken asked, coming out from underneath the engine with a grin on his face. "You're missing out. Are those all for me, Miss Fred?"

Freda passed over the container to Ken, who made a big show of opening it and investigating what was inside while the two boys looked on, still absolutely sold on the idea of cookies that somehow managed to have fried potato inside.

"Maybe if you're real nice to Mr Lemmons he'll share," Fred suggested, holding in a smile.

"Naw, I don't think so," Ken said, hamming along for the sake of the joke. "I think me and Wink and the boys are gonna eat 'em all ourselves."

"Yep," Wink said, nodding very seriously. "Takes a lot of cookies to keep one of these things flying, you know."

Ken made a noise and suddenly drew his hand out of the box like he'd been burned. "Oh, darn. Would you look at that. This one's broken. Definitely can't eat that now, Wink, it's spoiled."

Up went the waiting hands, the two boys practically bouncing in place. "We want it! We want it!"

"Are you sure?" Lemmons looked the both of them over with a skeptical look. "Eating broken cookies can be dangerous."

"We love danger!" George said, loud enough for the both of them.

"Well, all right," Ken said, like he thought he might regret this, carefully picking up the broken cookie like he was handling broken glass and gently depositing it into Adam's outstretched hands. "Looks like this one's broke, too, George. 'Fraid you're gonna need to take both."

Both boys bit down hard, chewing carefully to investigate. Adam frowned. "Why, this is just bits of chocolate."

"Well, that's what Miss Fred said, isn't it?" Lemmons replied, clearly enjoying himself. "Chocolate chips?"

"Ohhhhhh." The light finally went on, and the boys giggled, still eating their cookies with glee.

"Chalk one up for American English," Fred said, watching the two boys run off through the tall grass.

"I don't care what anyone says, those are still fries where I'm from," Wink declared, pulling another half a cookie out of the box in Lemmons' hands and chowing down. "Thanks for the grub, Fred!"

"You're really good with 'em," Fred said to Lemmons, sitting down on the tarmac in the shade of the wing and watching as the rest of the crew ambled over for the sandwiches and apples, pulling handkerchiefs out of pockets to wipe off oily hands. "The kids, I mean. Some guys wouldn't take the time." How many 19 year olds would stop and play with their kid brother of ten?

"Helps, you know? Keeping it all in perspective. And I figure, if you make 'em listen here, if you really need to keep 'em out of trouble they'll listen later, too. Might even learn something." Lemmons nodded, mostly to himself. Ken Lemmons, you're a wise man and a scholar. "You eaten yet?"

She smiled and shook her head, taking the cookie he offered and biting down slowly, the chocolate cloying and sweet on the back of her tongue, still just the tiniest bit warm and gooey. Shortage of sweet things in this world at the moment. I'm glad human kindness isn't one.

Freda is one of my many OCs - if you liked her here, you can read more about her at her tag on my blog! More of my writing, and more OCs, are found at the mercurygraypresents tag.

#i have written a thing #mercurygraypresents #freda torvaldsen #Ken lemmons

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 7 months

Text

Wonderful World - Part 18

This is a huge fluff bomb for the most part. There are tiny little angsty bits but they get resolved quickly. THINGS ARE TURNING AROUND!

Series Masterlist

Warnings: mentions of underage drinking, mentions and use of alcohol/drugs, mentions of sex - that's all I can think of??

WC: 18.6k

Diana had dropped Celeste off and went off to run errands since Harry had planned for a longer session since Celeste hadn’t spoken to him practically all summer and she was starting school shortly. Harry was having a lovely time during his lunch appointment with Celeste. They had made things a bit more informal as they were sitting on the couch cushions on the floor and using the coffee table for their spread. They had been talking throughout the time, mostly about Celeste’s time at summer camp, but Harry soon noticed that she was keeping some stuff to herself, which he didn’t mind at all, but it did make him wonder what exactly she was not wanting him to know. But other than that she seemed to be doing really well after matters with the bullying were resolved and that she’d gotten her break from school. Currently they were in stitches as she kept trying to use her chopsticks to pick up a dumpling.

“I can’t do it!” She laughed.

“OK, look at how I’m holding mine…” he said and she groaned before trying to copy what he was doing, “Good, there you go. Now just grab the dumpling…Good! Yes!” He stated in excitement as she started to bring it up to her mouth but then it slipped out of her grip and bounced off the coffee table and onto the ground.

“Misty, no!” Celeste gasped as she just saw her little paw dart out from under the table and pull the dumpling out of her reach. “Sorry, she’s so fast.” Celeste apologized.

“S’alright, I think one won’t do her any harm.” He assured her with a smile and Celeste just put down the chopsticks and grabbed her fork again. “So are you excited to start sophomore year?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be a lot better. I’m excited about it a bit more now.” She shared as she stabbed through another dumpling.

“Any particular reason why?” He asked as she bit her lip.

“I ummm…I have a boyfriend now.” She said and Harry’s eyebrows arched up in surprise at this news.

He wanted to ask her who it was. Was is that guy that had made her feel sad at the concert? How long had they known each other? How old was he? Had he had other girlfriends before? And why did those relationships end? Was he a good kid or was he a trouble maker? What was his family like? Did he have good relationships with his parents and secure attachments to them? Or was his family messy and neglectful, meaning he would need to work harder to have healthy relationships with others? And more importantly, after everything she’d endured the year before, could she handle a romantic relationship right now? What if it went wrong? What if he hurt her? There were just so many things that were going through his mind and it was so much that he had no idea how parents could just watch their children grow up!

“Oh…” he finally said, “Ummm…does your mom know?” He asked instead, just bringing all of his thoughts to a screeching halt. He had no business fretting about Celeste like this, but she meant a lot to him. He loved her to pieces and he just wanted what was best for her.

“Yup.” She said simply and he hummed. He wondered if Diana did any vetting of this kid before giving her approval.

“Does she really?” He asked, trying to mask his doubt in her response.

“Yeah, we even had a…talk about what things I should…know.” She said before cringing and then put her fork down.

“Well that’s good…ummm…are there any goals you have for the year?”

“Ummm…I want straight A’s this semester. I want to be involved in a school production, and…I don’t know of anything else, just those two for now.” She said with a smile.

“OK, well I think now with less stress on your plate you should be able to do just that this year. You’re so smart and capable and I know you work so hard.”

“I do get nervous that I might get anxiety again and like…mess things up.”

“Well feeling anxious is quite normal.” Harry assured, “And you know what to do about it now, don’t you?”

“Kind of…” she said and he smiled.

“Kind of?!” He asked incredulously, “I think you’ve got mastery over your anxiety. I think my only little nugget of wisdom for you is that just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you have to.”

“What do you mean?” She asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“I mean just that. Like sometimes you won’t want to deal with your anxiety or stress in a “mature way”.” He explained with air quotations, “Sometimes you might just want to let yourself wallow and do nothing about it, and that’s totally fine. Your negative emotions should be expressed too, obviously not in a way that is hurtful to yourself or others. But if it’s too much and you don’t want to or can’t figure out why it’s happening then you call me. Or talk to you friends or your mum. But just know that just because you have the skillset it doesn’t mean that you no longer need any help, basically.”

“Oh, OK.” She smiled. Her fall semester was starting the next week and she was just a little bit unsure of the logistics of everything with Ben, that’s really what was on her mind. “Ummm Dr. Styles…I think I’m a bit concerned about how…things will change with Ben being my…boyfriend now. Like, what if everything changes?”

“Well I think there will definitely be changes, but that’s something to discuss with Ben. Obviously, your priorities can change with a partner. It’s natural to want to spend more time with him and try and merge your circles. But just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean that you need to do everything with them. And more importantly, it’s important to remember not to trade your own identity and life for a partner, you can do your lives together. For example, if it’s important for you to have time with your friends then let him know that. Find a balance with him about how you guys want to move forward.” Harry said and Celeste nodded.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” She smiled before reaching for another dumpling, “And what if…what if he doesn’t want that?”

“Well communicate and see if there’s a way to compromise. But if that’s still not enough then I’d say that you need to consider what’s more important at that point.” He said sincerely and she frowned. “Is it important to you to have a boyfriend?” Harry asked and she shrugged.

“I mean, I do like it.” She said simply, “But this is really the first time anyone I’ve liked has liked me back and…I guess, I’m scared that if I mess it up that…maybe I might not find that again?”

“Well, it’s always gonna feel that way if a relationship ends, whether it’s your first or your twentieth. Losing someone you care for and love that deeply is never going to be easy. But ultimately, relationships are about putting your genuine self out there to be loved, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect or to make it perfect. Again this is your first relationship with another person, you’re bound to make mistakes and to go about things the wrong way, you’re still learning how you love and care and support someone in this role, you know? And Ben knows that too, right?” He asked and she nodded, “I’m sure he’s not perfect either. Nothin truly is but so long as you both communicate and continue to respect and care for each other how you do now, things should be just fine no matter what happens.” He assured her and she exhaled nervously and nodded.

“OK.” She hummed with a small smile.

It was nearing their time when Harry started wrapping up the session and technically her treatment plan for her depression and anxiety. He was pleased to confirm that she had met her goals, she was symptom free now, and overall that meant that he had done what he had set out to do with her. He then started asking her about what classes she was taking, what her schedule would be looking like and ultimately, what did she want out of therapy - if she even wanted to continue working with him at this point in time. They had now resumed their regular seating positions, he in his chair and she on the couch.

“So from what I’m hearing, we’ve accomplished what we wanted to accomplish with your treatment plan. But moving forward do you want to do the bi-weekly appointments, like you had said earlier this summer? Or are you perhaps considering another option?” He asked as he glanced up to her and she nibbled on her bottom lip pensively.

In truth, Celeste felt really good for the first time in a while. She felt that personally she was doing well, her friendships were solid, her relationship with her mom was also on steady ground. She knew that she’d be performing a lot better in school without the pressure of the bullying, and her anxiety had diminished tremendously when things with Megan improved. She didn’t feel like there was anything for her to work on right now. However, she didn’t want to lose Dr. Styles. She wondered if being a child of divorce felt how she was feeling. Where most of the time she was with her mom, and she loved her mom, but when she got to see Dr. Styles it was usually the highlight of her week. He wasn’t just her therapist, at least not in her eyes, he was almost like family in her eyes and she didn’t want to see him only when she needed mental health support. She wanted him to be around for her life in general! She would be eternally grateful for all the ways in which he helped her overcome her depression and anxiety, for the way he cared and protected her, for the way he went out of his way for her. But then she felt selfish, because if someone else needed him more than she did now it wasn’t right to take up his time. But the idea of someone else taking her place also made her sad because to her, he wasn’t just another therapist.

“I ummm…” she paused, “I don’t know…” She sighed nervously. She didn’t expect to start tearing up but she did and Harry pouted as she reached for a spare napkin to dab under her eyes. “I’m sure there are other people who need you even more than I do-”

“I’m not worried about other people now, just you and your therapeutic journey.” He said and she sniffled.

“That’s why I’m…I don’t think I need therapy anymore, but I’ll still need you.” She explained with tearful eyes and Harry’s eyes softened as they met hers, “Like you’re part of my family. I know that might be weird and not technically allowed, but like I don’t have the same support system that other people do.” She shared, “I just need you because then it feels like…my life is normal, you know?” She spoke before sputtering on a cry and Harry tutted.

“Oh petal, don’t cry.” He comforted her as he stood and she made space for him not he coach before he sat and hugged around her shoulders as she leaned into his side. “Who’s to say what’s normal and what’s not, anyway?” He asked rhetorically and she sniffled.

“Technically you, since that’s basically your job.” She responded and he chuckled a bit.

“You’re not wrong about that.” He reasoned and she smiled despite the tears streaming down her face, “I ummm…I have something I’ve been thinking of telling you as well.” He said nervously.

“Is it bad?” She whispered, not daring to pull away to look at him.

“No and yes.” He said as he fixed his gaze on the wall in front of him. “We don’t have to talk about this now, I know that we’re coming up on our time, but I promise you it’s more good than bad.” He said and she pulled away now and looked into his eyes.

“Can you just tell me now? Otherwise I’m gonna be worrying about it until we see each other again.” She chuckled nervously and he nodded and cleared his throat as she pulled back further to be able to properly look at him.

“Yeah petal, of course.” He said and she just looked at him expectantly as he gathered his thoughts a bit. “I ummm…I went to visit my family this summer-”

“In England?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, “And ummm…I was talking to my mum about work and clients and I mentioned you to her. And everything that you’ve been going through and I ummm.” He sighed, “I think I knew before then that I care about you differently than my other clients. I mean, I am invested and I want what’s best for you and I worry about you and I want to help out more because I see how your mum does it all on her own and like…I think she’s doing the absolutely best job a parent could ever do. But it makes me feel like I should do more for you, but that’s not really…my job.” He said and she frowned a bit as he said this.

“Ugh, what I mean is that I ummm…I-i have grown to…ummm, t-to love you like…my own.” He said with a furrow in his eyebrows and her eyes started welling up again, “I too think of you as family, like a daughter I guess. I mean, I think that’s what this feels like.” He said and her eyes softened as they met his nervous ones.

“You do?” She asked in quiet surprise and Harry nodded his head.

“Yeah. When we see each other for our appointments I almost feel like it’s my visitation time, like it’s my turn to spend time with you.” He explained with a small, nervous smile, “I can’t wait to see you and hear what’s new with you. Hoping that you’re doing well. Worried that someone else might hurt you or give you a hard time about something. I’m always worried about you to some extent and just the fact that I now care for you in this way has made it difficult to…to be objective.” He explained.

“And what about this is bad news?” She questioned through a sniffle and he chuckled at her question before clearing his throat.

“The bad news is that in seeing you in this new light, I wouldn’t really make a great therapist to you.” He explained and she wiped under her eyes as her pooled up tears started to streak down her cheeks.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll always be here for you if you want to talk. Or if you or your mum need help with anything, or a ride, $20, a DoorDash? Absolutely anything at all, I’ll be here for you. But it’s just getting hard for me to be a therapist to you when I want to act like a… parent to you, you know?”

“Well what about if you get married and have your own kids?” She asked and he shook his head.

“I don’t- well, I never really wanted kids of my own. That hadn’t really been something that I planned for. I mean, the fact that I’ve started to care for you in a paternal way was even a surprise to me! So I’m not entirely sure how to navigate it just yet.” He explained, “But I mean, I just think that I could…be around more, like Henry and Grace? Like if your mum is swamped and needs someone to pick you up from school or if you have an event or a dance, or just a bad day, I find myself wanting to know those things as they happen and be there for you in real time, you know?”

“Yeah, I get what you mean…You know, I’m always asking my mom to invite you to stuff, but she’s always reminding me that technically you shouldn’t do those things for me and it does make me sad when you can’t or say no.” she confessed and he nodded in understanding.

“She’s right. But I’m sorry because this is very unfair of me to do to you, Celeste. I’m sorry if I ever made you question my care for you because of things like that. I tried to…to be objective, to keep the emotional distance, but you mean a lot to me and I’ve been trying to be objective and do what’s best for you. That’s my main goal, is to do what’s best. If that means ending our therapeutic relationship, then I can even help your mum find you another therapist! Or if you’d prefer that I continue to work with you like this then maybe some time apart would be best. Just t-to help me get back in the right headspace to help you as a therapist. Or I don’t know, I’ll think of something if that’s what you want.” He suggested, “I just want you to know that I only want to do right by you.” He explained and she nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Does it matter more to you that I’m present in your life outside of therapy? Or is this what you prefer?” He asked.

“Both?” She chuckled through a sniffle. Her shoulders shrugged and he smiled as he reached for the tissue box and handed it to her.

“You’ve got some snot just-”

“Ugh, gross.” She huffed before taking one and quickly blowing her nose as he chuckled at her response.

“Again, I’m sorry for just springing this on you. Would it help t-to take some time to think about how we should proceed?” He asked and she nodded immediately.

“Yeah. Some time to think about it would be nice.” She concurred and he nodded.

“OK. And you take as much time as you need, yeah? I’ll keep your slot blocked off until you’re ready.” He assured her and she smiled as she crumbled up the tissue in her hand.

“Thank you.” She said with gratitude and he smiled.

“Course, just want what’s best for you, petal.”

“I know.” She smiled, “Ummm, c-can I hug you again?” She asked and he nodded and opened up his arms as she surged forward to hug him once more. “I…love you too, Harry.” She hummed softly and his whole heart instantly warmed. “Thank you so much for helping me. I couldn’t have made it through without you.” She sighed.

“I’m happy I could help.” He assured her and let go when there was a soft knock on his office door. He stood up and went over, opening it up to see Diana.

“Your 2pm is here.” She said to him and his eyes widened a bit.

“Oh, thank you for the warning!” He said and then she moved aside to let him peek into the waiting room, “Paul, sorry. I’ll be just a few more minutes.” He said to the man and he just smiled and nodded. “Can you ummm, help me clean up, I need to use the bathroom.” He said softly to Diana.

“Sure.” She agreed and grabbed her purse and Harry rushed into the bathroom. She saw Celeste dabbing at her eyes with a tissue before she went to toss it in the trash. “Are you alright, cariño?” Diana asked her and she just smiled and nodded.

“Just had a heart-to-heart.” She sniffled.

“Oh, OK.” Diana smiled, “His next patient is here, we should hurry to clean up a bit.”

“Right!” She said and finishing packing up the bit of left overs into one box and then the trash into one of the bags that the food had been delivered in. It was just a moment before Harry emerged with damp hands.

“Thank you so much for helping tidy up.” He said to them gratefully and they both nodded.

“Oh, let me pay you-”

“It’s alright, this one’s on the house.” He assured Diana and she looked at him skeptically, “I’m sure. We’re all good.” He confirmed.

“Oh OK, well thank you. Did you guys figure out a new schedule?” She asked as she turned to Celeste.

“I’m gonna let him know.” Celeste said to Diana, who then turned to Harry and he nodded with a smile.

“Yeah. I’m gonna keep her regular slot blocked off and when she needs to come in just call or make your appointment online.” He said.

“Sounds good. Thank you again, Dr. Styles.” Diana said and Harry nodded firmly.

“My pleasure. And please, take the left overs with you.” He said to Celeste.

“Are you sure?” Celeste asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, of course! The dumplings were for you.” He assured and she grabbed the bag happily. Diana then grabbed the trash bag to toss in the big bin in the hallway before he walked them over to the other door that led to the hallway, “Alright, ladies.” He said as they stepped out, “Get home safe.” He said to Diana who just offered a small nod and then he turned to smile at Celeste.

She couldn’t help it as she shoved the bag into Diana’s hands and just hurried forward and hugged around Harry’s torso once again. Harry chuckled and hugged around her shoulders in response. His eyes fluttered up to Diana’s who quickly looked away when their eyes met. It was almost too much to see him being affectionate with Celeste. It was great to see but it also made her feel a bit sad. It was too easy to just imagine these sweet and affectionate scenarios being so commonplace in their lives, but it just wasn’t a real possibility.

“We’ll talk soon.” He assured Celeste quietly.

“Yeah.” she whispered and nodded against his chest before letting go.

“Bye.” He waved as they made their way down the hall.s

The car ride was quiet, Celeste seemed very pensive, but not sad. It wasn’t at all what Diana was expecting after what seemed like a “goodbye” at Harry’s office. She wanted to ask what they had talked about or what they had agreed upon, but she knew better than to pry. Obviously, Celeste had been doing far better than before, so she knew that Celeste probably would’t need therapy at the same frequency as before, but it was clear that she wanted to keep working with Harry as needed. Diana was glad though, that out of everyone she looked into they ended up with Harry. It gave her an increasing sense of comfort to know that the person who was helping her daughter, the literal sunshine of her life, on such a personal level loved and cared about her as if she were his own. Maybe she couldn’t have him in the ways she wanted, but at the very least Celeste had him in her life and that was good enough for Diana.

*********

The next few weeks before Celeste was back in school flew by. Since Diana taught in the summer she was going to have pretty lax fall semester. So in between prepping for her two classes she, Celeste, and Grace dedicated time do some back to school shopping. It was something they had done together since Celeste started Kindergarten. Things were vastly different now. And while Diana was aware that time flew by and that inevitably, Celeste would grow up, she found it a bit of an emotional experience to be in the Ulta as Grace helped her choose a perfume because now that she had a boyfriend, she wanted to smell extra nice.

“-just keep it away from your lady bits because it will burn. Badly.” Grace said and Celeste looked at her quite judgmentally.

“Yeah, duh. Who would even think to do that?”

“Look, when we were younger no one had candid conversations about those kinds of things with us. Even some girls now might not have anyone to have those conversations with them.” Grace defended, “So many women might still do a lot of really…harmful things to themselves in the name of being more “feminine”. But it seems your mom has done a good job of warning you about those things.” Grace said with a smile and Diana chuckled.

“Yeah, definitely. No one should go through all the weird things we went through as adolescents.” Diana agreed as she picked up a bottle of some new Dior perfume to spray on a test strip and immediately grimaced as she gave it a whiff.

They searched around for some hair products Celeste wanted to try and once they finished, were soon grabbing some dinner together. Celeste inhaled her food and was talking to Grace about Ben and her plans for the school year. She was basically back to her old self, she seemed more confident, and prepared for whatever might come her way. Diana was so proud of her, she had said it to her many times, and she was glad to hear Grace reiterating to her how she too was proud of how far she’d come over the last year.

“I know my mom was like…nerdy in high school.” Celeste said and Diana scoffed, “You said you were!” She defended, “But what were you like, Grace?” She asked.

“I was actually very popular. I was on the tennis team and we were very good.” She shared. “But I was a nice popular girl. I was a thespian too…and part of the debate team…” She shared, “Oh, and ASB VP junior year, and president my senior year…it was as fun time.” She mused with nostalgia, “Obviously, prioritize school. But remember to enjoy this time and make all of the memories you can. You’re only 15 once.” Grace said with a smile.

**********

On Monday morning Diana had made Celeste a breakfast sandwich and an iced earl grey tea so that she could eat on the way to school. She looked so cute in her new outfit and Diana was so excited to see her daughter like this, feeling gorgeous, confident, and capable. That’s all she could really hope for her. It was a new school year with new possibilities for both of them. All there was to do now was to seize those opportunities as they came.

“Are you excited? Nervous? Calm?” Diana asked as they drove to her school.

“More excited. I feel like it’s going to be a really good year.” Celeste shared before having another bite of her sandwich.

“Good. Did your uncle text you?”

“Yeah. Sent me $200 too.” She smiled excitedly.

“Well, just be smart with it, OK?”

“Yeah, I will…” she hummed lowly, “Oh, I know that technically you don’t start teaching until next week, but is it OK with you if Ruben drives me home after school on the days that I have activities after school? He’s on the football team and has to stay a bit later for practice and Ben is just always waiting around for him alone.” She said and Diana bit her lip.

“I’ll think about it.” Diana decided and Celeste huffed.

“Mom…” she whined.

“He’s 17, mamita. I’m not saying no, I just need to give it some thought.”

“Ben said he’s a good driver…”

“I’m no saying he isn’t, but he’s a teenager and driving can be dangerous even if you’re being cautious-”

“Oh my god, mom, it’s just like a 15 minute drive! Nothing’s going to happen to me!” She insisted, her body was now turned towards Diana’s as they were stopped at a traffic light.

“You don’t know that! And young men just tend to be the most reckless drivers-”

“I’m not going to die like Wes did!” Celeste’s voiced her frustration loudly and Diana’s heart immediately sunk and her stomach knotted up, her good mood completely faded in an instant. She exhaled shakily and Celeste was completely frozen upon realizing what she had just said.

“We’re done having this conversation, Celeste.” Diana said softly.

“Mom-” Diana cut her off as she turned on the radio and immediately turned it up. It was comically ironic how “Perfect Day” by Hoku filled the space. Celeste frowned when she saw Diana swallow thickly and a few tears slid down her cheek as they started driving again.

Celeste had no idea what to even do next, she was just staring at her mom. Waiting, hoping that she would blow up on her because she deserved it. But she stayed quiet the rest of the time until they were coming up to the drop off point. When the car came to a stop her mom was just quietly staring out the windshield.

“Alright, ummmm, have a good first day.” Her mom said quietly and she had no idea what to do, she was still just starting at her in shock.

“Mom-”

“Go on then…” she cut her off once more.

“Mom, please-”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now. Get out, please.” More of her tears started to fall and Celeste felt like absolute shit.

“But-”

“Get. Out.” Her mom punctuated, “I’ll be fine.” She mumbled and she just hurried out of the car.

***********

As soon as she pulled out of the school parking lot Diana started to sob. What Celeste had said to her was absolutely cruel. She felt so sick to her stomach. She knew how teens could be and she had to keep her cool. Though personally, she had never been that gutsy with her parents, she’d thought plenty of awful things some times. And she was thinking awful things now, but she was an adult now and she needed to get out of the situation before she blew up horribly on Celeste and said something to ruin her first day at school. She had to pull over from how hard she was crying, but better to let it all out than keep it bottled up inside.

When she got home she did a bit of laundry and tidied up around the house, just trying to work away the frustration and that lump that was apparently lodged in her throat now. Afterwards she just plopped herself in bed and scrolled through her phone silently until she decided to reach out to Josh, he had teenagers, maybe he could help her figure out how to deal with this situation with Celeste. He was quick to reply and let her know that he was free the next day and they planned to meet up at Cafe Flores at 9am. After coffee Diana could go into the office and work on her assignments for a bit.

She lazed around for a large part of the afternoon and then made some dinner before leaving around 4:30 to get Celeste, the first day of band was always longer as they got the new members set up and discussed the repertoire for that semester. She waited in the parking lot for a bit before she saw Celeste coming out with Ben at her side. They stopped at the gate and Diana glanced away when she saw Celeste looking around before Ben leaned in to kiss her cheek quickly before he hugged her tight. Moments later the passenger door was opening up and she glanced over to see Celeste looking at her reluctantly.

“Hey, how was it?” She asked softly.

“Ummm…good. Really good.” Celeste responded. Diana could feel the apprehension rolling off of Celeste in waves as she settled into the front seat.

“That’s good.” She hummed and then took off. Once again, it was quiet between them. As much as Diana wanted to say something, if she spoke she would cry, so she just decided to stay in her head and focus on the road. They made it home and as soon as they got inside Diana felt more calm, but she still needed some space.

“Ummm, dinner’s on the stove.” Diana said to Celeste.

“Mom, I’m really sorry for what I said today it was horrible.” Celeste blurted out and Diana sighed.

“I know you are. I do forgive you, I just ummm…I’m still upset though.” She explained and Celeste frowned.

“But mom-”

“You really hurt my feelings, mamita. I love you, but I just…I need a little space to get over it, OK? I’m not mad at you anymore, just need some space.” She assured before heading back to her bedroom. She stripped down, had a shower, and then soaked in the bathtub until the water was getting a little too cold to relish any longer. She had just finished rinsing the bath bomb off when there were some knocks on her bathroom door. “Yeah?”

“I made you some of that chamomile tea you like.” Celeste said through the door and Diana smiled to herself. She quickly put on her bathrobe and opened the door to see Celeste setting the mug down on a coaster on her bedside table. She turned quickly upon hearing the door open, “I’m really sorry for what I said, mom.” She apologized again as she hurried over and Diana nodded.

“I know you are. C’mere.” She sighed and Celeste smiled as she settled into her arms. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Celeste sighed, “I just…got mad at you for…not letting me catch rides with Ruben-”

“I didn’t say no, Celeste. Just that I need to think about it. I don’t know him all that well, I’m sure he’s a great kid, but I just need to trust him a bit more to let you in a car with him without any adult supervision.”

“He’s turning 18 in November…” she whined.

“Look, I get that you want a bit more freedom now that you’re…growing up, but I’m still responsible for you. If something ever happens to you based on a decision I made it’s going to eat me alive. I called Josh today and we’re going to meet up for coffee tomorrow. Just want to see what he thinks because if something ever happens, their family would also be implicated and I just need to make sure that Ben’s parents are also OK with Ruben driving other people around. OK?”

“OK…” Celeste agreed.

“And look, as you get a bit older we might…clash a bit more. There are going to be things that you might want that I might not be on board with. And even if we disagree or fight, I will always do my very best to keep my anger or frustration in check. I will try to be patient and understanding and even when we fight, just try to remember that I love you and just want to do what’s best for you. You’re everything to me, mamita. I’m just trying to do my best.” Diana said and Celeste just nodded.

“I know.” She said quietly, “I decided that I’m trying out for the fall musical.” She shared and Diana pulled back with a smile.

“Really? What musical are you guys going to do?” She asked.

“The Wizard of Oz.”

“Oh! What part are you trying out for?”

“I want Dorothy, but I don’t know…Maybe Glinda or the Scarecrow.”

“Well, if you want to be Dorothy, audition for Dorothy. Don’t settle.”

“You really think I can do it?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard you sing! You know…I’m a bit of a singer myself. I haven’t played piano in ages, but I’d be happy to get a keyboard or something and help you prepare audition pieces if you want? We can spend a bit more time together like that?”

“Really?”

“Yeah! It’d be fun!”

“OK.” She agreed.

“When are auditions?”

“In one month. We’re making the sets first. Mr. Greene wants to see how we collaborate with each other or something like that, first.”

“Well sometimes when people get the lead roles they get a little…prissy. It happened to Carly DeWitt during our production of Legally Blonde my junior year. She started being mean to everyone and bossing everyone around, everyone hated her by the end of the semester. Not even her friends wanted to talk to her because she just felt like she was better than everyone and wouldn’t help around the production. So I think Mr. Greene is on to something.” Diana said and after catching up a bit about Celeste’s day while she brushed her hair out they each went to bed.

*********

After dropping off Celeste at school the following morning, Diana made her way to Cafe Flores to meet Josh. She parked in the faculty lot by her building and then made the ten minute walk through campus to the cafe. It was still a bit busy despite the lack of student presence, it did get a lot worse during the school year. She greeted the staff over the counter and took a seat, waiting for him to show up and just a few minutes later he was coming in through the door and she stood.

“Hey, how are you?” Josh greeted her warmly with a hug and friendly smile.

“Good. And you?” She asked.

“Pretty good as well. Have you ordered?”

“No, I was waiting for you.” She informed and so with that they went up to place their orders before taking a seat.

They first caught up a bit and finally she brought up the reason why she had asked to meet him. Diana took a sip of her coffee before clearing her throat.

“So I wanted to talk to you about something.” She said and he nodded, “Yesterday, Celeste and I got into a bit of an argument…” she explained and he hummed, “Well, more like she got mad at me because she wanted my permission to let Ruben drive her home on the days he has football practice so that Ben doesn’t have to wait for him on his own.” She explained, “And ummm, I told her I’d think about it. Then she…was like ‘nothing’s gonna happen to me’ and I just told her that she didn’t know that and then she…she got upset and said that it’s not like she would die like…her dad did.” Diana said more quietly and Josh frowned.

“Oh my god…I’m so sorry.” He said and she shrugged.

“Obviously, it hurt my feelings…but ummm, my concerns do stem from that. He was…18, had his whole life ahead of him and a drunk driver ran a red and…that was it. So anyway, I’m a bit reluctant and I guess I just wanted to know i-if I’m being irrational about it?”

“Absolutely not! Besides, he’s not allowed to drive anyone apart from Ben until he turns 18 because he got two speeding tickets this summer.” Josh shared. “And after what you’ve been through I don’t want to put you in a situation that will make you concerned over your daughter’s wellbeing. Also, Ben really likes her and well, he’s always been a bit more of a geek and has struggled a bit in making friends and fitting in well. Luckily, we’ve been able to curve any bullying because Ruben is such a conventional teenage guy and no one messes with Ben because of it, but ummm, I’m really proud of him for going for it with Celeste. He’s felt more confident and he looks really happy and ummm, I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Maybe we can revisit this when Ben get’s his license next year, but I think for the time being it’d be best to not.”

“OK, well thank you for being honest with me about this.”

“I’m just annoyed now that my little shits were planning a coup…It’s not like Ben doesn’t know about the conditions we gave Ruben.” He said and Diana chuckled.

“They’re teenagers…they can be sneaky.”

“I know but…ugh, now I know how my parents must have felt.” He chuckled and Diana did as well. “Were you a trouble maker too?” He questioned with a teasing smirk.

“Actually no. I was a choir geek, didn’t even have a boyfriend until Wes…he was my first and last boyfriend.” She said and he frowned a bit.

“You’ve been alone this whole. Fucking. Time?” He questioned and Diana shrugged.

“It’s not like I haven’t tried.” She said, “And the one time I did think that maybe…I could be with someone Celeste flipped her shit.” She said, “Thought I was going to forget about her…so that ended and then ummm…I just…chose her. Well, I don’t know what I’m complaining about when you’ve sacrificed so much yourself.” She shook her head.

“Don’t minimize what you’re going through.” He said reaching for her hand and squeezed it, Diana smiled, “Yeah, it’s different than what I’ve been through, but it’s still hard. And at the end of the day that’s what parenthood is. The ultimate sacrifice. It’s never about you ever again. Even when they’re gone they’ll still have your whole heart and I mean, it’s not like you even have a choice you know. It’s going to be them.Every. Single. Fucking. Time.” he said softly.

*********

Harry had an adjunct faculty meeting at the Mental Health & Behavioral Intervention department. It was something they did every year to provide updates on university policies, courses, staffing, and to set up direct deposit for paying the adjunct professors. Misty had been sick to her stomach so he had taken her to the ER vet and lost some sleep since he was monitoring her overnight, so Harry was exhausted. Thankfully, the vet called in the morning and let him know that it seemed like she ate some bug that she shouldn’t have and she’d be just fine. He was relieved to learn that she was going to be just fine, but he needed a bit of a boost to make it through this three hour meeting at the university, so he decided to make a quick stop at Cafe Flores.

He stopped at the window by the door, he just wanted a peek inside to see if there was a long line since he had less than ten minutes to get to the meeting. However, his stomach sank and his mood crashed as his eyes were drawn to see some handsome, large, buff man holding Diana’s hand across the small table. They were smiling at each other and seemed to be talking rather intimately. It hurt and made him so mad. Despite that, he lingered there for a few moments. He watched them being so open, laughing, talking…he wondered if she was even hurting over him anymore? He still was. And sure, he had buried that deep down to be able to function properly, to be able to stop wallowing all the fucking time, but it still hurt.

“Excuse me, are you going in?” A woman said from behind him and he spun around quickly.

“Ummm, no. Sorry.” He mumble before walking off. He sped off, heart and thoughts racing as all of these questions ran through his head. He felt like a strop-py child because he had no reason to be this upset, but the fact that he was told him that he just needed distance. More of it. He was glad now that he had told Celeste how he felt about her because he knew she would take her time to make the best choice and the longer she took, the better.

**********

Diana knew Celeste would be annoyed when she broke the news to her about Ruben not being able to drive her, but it had to be done. So on the way to pick her up from school she stopped by to pick up pizza from a place Celeste really liked and then went to grab her.

“Ooh, smells good!” Celeste hummed as she made her way into the car.

“Great! It’s my consolation prize because I have some disappointing news for you.” She said and Celeste pouted as she buckled up.

“Ughh, what now?” She asked with a frown as Diana started to drive away.

“Well, I met with Josh to see what he thought about Ruben giving you rides and he informed me that he got 2 speeding tickets over the summer so he’s not allowed to be driving anyone but Ben to and from school.” Diana said and Celeste looked away. “You knew?” Diana asked, sparing her a quick glance.

“OK, yes…but I didn’t think it would be a big deal! It’s on the way so we figured he wasn’t technically doing anything wrong since we’re on the way to their mom’s.”

“Teenagers…” Diana huffed with a roll of her eyes.

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course I am! But it’s not happening now that Josh knows, so there’s no point in getting upset at you.” She shrugged and Celeste huffed. “Sorry. But I will reconsider when Ben gets his license next year.”

“How do you know that?” She asked, turning to her quickly.

“Josh told me.” She smiled.

“I never should’ve let you guys meet…” Celeste grumbled playfully.

… OCTOBER …

This first week of October was very eventful for both Celeste and Diana. Celeste had Homecoming and was also going to hear back about the auditions for the winter musical. She and Diana had been rehearsing several songs to prepare her and she sounded phenomenal with each one. Diana had been having a rough start to her semester, she had a handful of the guys from the basketball team in her class on Latin American culture and they were very disruptive. Even after nearly a month of having them and trying to engage with them, they were just dicks and extremely disrespectful and so unserious. She had just finished grading one of their assignments where this particular student had put in absolutely no effort into the easiest thing and she was so annoyed. She was reaching her breaking point and had no idea how she would be able to handle this for the entire semester. Thankfully, her alarm went off, alerting her that it was time to pick up Celeste. She was so happy it was and started to wrap up before heading out. She was also picking up Ben today, he was going to come over and do homework at their place and then Ruben would pick him up after practice, this was a good alternative that Josh and Elena had agreed upon after talking to their boys.

“Hey guys, how were your days?” Diana greeted them.

“I got a call back for Dorothy!” Celeste said excitedly as she slid into the back seat to be able to sit with Ben.

“Yeah? Congrats!” Diana said excitedly. She could definitely use some good news after the day she’d had.

“She sounded so good in her audition last week!” Ben said as he slid into the car as well.

“Hey, Ben!” Diana greeted.

“Hi.” He smiled timidly before scooting to the center seat to be by Celeste.

“When’s the callback?”

“At the end of the week! They want us to sing Over the Rainbow.”

“Oh! Good thing we’ve been practicing it, you sound incredible.” Diana said and Celeste grinned.

“Really?”

“Yeah, Judy Garland would be impressed.” She assured.

The drive home was filled with chatter about that and about the Homecoming carnival that was on Saturday night. As soon as they got home, Celeste and Ben started doing their homework in the dining room and Diana soon joined them to finish grading her assignments. It was around 5:30 when dinner arrived and Ruben was on his way. They had enough food, so Diana just texted Elena and Josh that the boys were eating dinner at hers before they headed home. It was that time of the week where there was an overlap in their shifts, so the boys would technically be alone at Elena’s place. It made her feel better to know that they were with someone for a bit, she knew they were likely used to it, but if she could prevent them from being alone for just a bit more she’d do it.

“Thank you so much for dinner, Miss Beltran.” Ruben said as he placed his dishes in the sink as she put on the kettle for her evening tea.

“Yeah, of course. You boys have my number, if you ever want to come over just let me know.” She assured. A few moments later they were heading home.

*********

Finally, it was Friday and Diana was pulling up to Celeste’s school. She only waited a few minutes in the lot before she, Geri, Ozzy, and Ben were all running up to the car.

“Mom, mom, mom!” Celeste was basically bursting with joy as she threw the car door open.

“What?” Diana asked with a bright smile.

“I got it! I got the lead!” She shouted excitedly and Diana gasped and hurried out of the car to Celeste and hugged and jumped up and down, cheering excitedly for a few moments with her.

“I’m so proud of you!” Diana praised as she pulled back from their hug.

“I may have been a little overexcited and asked everyone over for dinner.” She said with a nervous smile, “They’re gonna get picked up from our house at 8?”

“Yeah, alright.” Diana said.

“OK guys! Get in!” Celeste announced and her little crew started piling into the car. Diana stopped at the store for some salad and sodas and as soon as they got home she ordered some pizzas while the kids went to TV room.

“I’ve texted Grace and Harry too.” Celeste said to Diana as she came into the kitchen.

“Oh, great!”

“Yeah. Can I get 1 sprite and 3 Dr. Pepper’s?” Celeste asked and Diana went into the fridge to grab the soda cans for her before handing them over. After a few minutes Celeste came back. “Grace said she and Henry can be here around 6:30 and Harry has plans.” She said and Diana turned around.

“Harry, huh?” Diana questioned and Celeste smiled.

“Yeah. Ummm, he said he sees me like family, like a daughter, and that he…loves me.” She said and Diana’s brows arched up in surprise at the news that he actually told her. “That’s why I was crying after we met. It made me really happy to hear that. And ummm, we talked about…him not being my therapist anymore so that he could…be here for things like this all the time.” Celeste said, “I told him I wanted to think about it for a bit.”

“So is this you choosing?”

“I talked to him about trying out for the musical in session, I felt it was pretty neutral to invite him to this so that I can…give it more thought.”

“Yeah, I think it is.”

“Would you like it if he was around more?” Celeste asked.

“Ummm, I wouldn’t mind it. I like Harry, he’s really great.” Diana said and Celeste nodded.

“I think so too.” She smiled.

*********

Harry had continued his routine of drowning himself in work and ignoring everything negative that was accumulating. He had hung out with Henry and Grace a few times. He had even contemplated going to Celeste’s impromptu celebration for landing the lead role in the school musical a few weeks ago, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He wanted to be in Celeste’s life, he had missed not hearing from her. But he understood she needed to take her time and her cautious manner was actually a blessing in disguise as he nursed his broken heart with pot and hookups when he got really sad.

He was in that irritated at love phase and having to sit in front of Henry and Grace while they made eyes at each other was torture. They were quite perfect for each other and Harry loved how they loved each other…he knew that he and Diana would look at each other just like that if given the chance.

“Harry, we’re having a Halloween party this Saturday and you must come.” Grace said,

“I don’t know…”

“H, you’ve been getting out of plenty of shit, but not this. C’mon it’ll be fun. You could dress up and just not be your miserable self for a while.” Henry said and Harry chuckled.

“Yeah, alright.” He agreed.

***********

Diana was a tad worried as she helped Celeste get on her Eleven makeup for her costume. She had her first high school Halloween party and Diana was nervous for where the night could take her and her friends. After Ruben started hanging out with them more, some of the senior girls befriended her and invited her to this party.

“Celeste, there will be alcohol and drugs somewhere at this party and I-”

“Oh my god, mom…I’m not gonna do that!”

“Well-”

“I’m too scared!” Celeste scoffed and Diana smiled.

“Yeah, it’s scary.”

“Does it even taste good or does it all taste like that wine?” She asked and Diana giggled.

“Not exactly like that, but that bitter after taste, that’s all about the same.”

“Not worth it in my opinion.” She mumbled and Diana chuckled.

“Well, make sure that at least one of you is sober so that you make good choices.” She said and Celeste nodded. “Please be very careful. Do I need to call Elena to confirm she’s going to pick you guys up?”

“Oh no, Ben told me she had a night shift so she’s just getting caught up on her sleep. But she’s driving us there and back.” Celeste confirmed.

“Oh OK. God I don’t know how they do it…such long hours.”

“I know… so are you going to Grace’s party?”

“I think so. I had a long week, should get some fun in.”

“Yeah, you deserve it.” Celeste said and Diana smiled.

“I don’t even know what to dress up as.”

“Just choose a movie character. I’m sure you have something in your closet.”

“Yeah.” Diana said with a smile. At 6:30pm Diana was dropping Celeste off at Elena’s place. She was in the shower at the time, but Diana wasn’t too worried about having a chat with her as she was in a rush to get back home and figure out a costume. “Celeste, 12:30pm, OK? If you’re going to be late, please call.” She said and Celeste nodded. With that curfew confirmed she headed home and focused on finding her outfit for the night.

After digging around, Diana pulled out her most generic professor-aesthetic pieces and paired them together before opting to put on her glasses instead of her contacts and just go as a “sexy professor”. She wasn’t really in a mood to drink, but she’d go and try and have a night to loosen up. She had a light dinner and then drove over to Grace’s place. There was some traffic so it was a bit after 8:30 when she finally arrived. Grace’s town home was quite full with people. Grace very easily made friends, but now she was learning that Henry also had loads of friends. She had been introduced to coworkers of theirs and had entertained small talk and flirtations from a few people as she just lingered in the kitchen until she started to get a bit overwhelmed by one of the men chatting her up.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just really need to use the restroom.” She said to him.

“Oh yeah, go for it! Sorry, just talking your ear off…” he smiled, “I’ll look for you after.” He said and she just smiled and slipped away.

**********

Harry wasn’t huge on dressing up for Halloween, so he hadn’t the slightest idea what to go as to Grace’s mandatory dress-up Halloween party. After much googling he threw on his sweater vest and some slacks with his glasses - he could pull off a look that was very similar to Guillermo De La Cruz from What We Do In The Shadows. He had eaten an edible right after he had his dinner and then an uber was driving him to Grace’s. When he arrived he saw a couple of Henry’s friends who he’d met before and of course, he’d seen Diana from afar, she was just lingering around the kitchen but not drinking from what he could tell. He was able to avoid the kitchen as other people kept offering to bring him drinks, all while he lingered in the shadows watching attentively as person after person tried their best with her. She played coy…he knew she did, but seeing it, he couldn’t help but smile. No wonder he’d fallen victim to her, she was so effortless and gorgeous. But he could see her growing weary of these efforts and finally excused herself. He followed her with his eyes as she made her way out of the kitchen and down the hall to the front door. He lost her when a group of people crossed and so he decided to follow her against his better judgment.

“Hey H, where are you off to?” Henry asked as he brushed past him.

“Oh, just outside for a bit. S’stuffy in here.”

“Oh for sure! When you’re back in find me, we’ll do a shot, yeah?” Henry requested with a lazy smile.

“Why don’t we just do it now?” He suggested with a drunken grin.

“Yeah! Let’s go!” Henry cheered and he rounded up a few more people before they were all knocking back a shot followed by a jello shot as a chaser. After that chaotic minute Harry was weaving his way through the bodies and out into the cold night. The weed in his system plus the couple alcoholic drinks he’d had while being here for a good hour were catching up to him. He felt like he was viewing the world in HD, his eyesight felt sharper somehow. His cheeks were warm and his consciousness was just a bit removed from him. As soon as he made it out he looked around and saw a small group of people talking and smoking up on the small lawn and when he looked ahead he saw a figure on the swings at the little playground across the street from Grace’s. It was just the back of her, but he knew it was Diana. He wanted to leave her alone, but his heart was begging him to walk in that direction. As if she were some magnetic force that he was inevitably drawn to. He knew better than to confront her in his current state, but despite that nagging little voice in his head begging him to have some self-control, or some dignity…Harry made his way over and when he got close he saw her straighten up a bit.

“Hi.” He spoke first and she turned her body a bit to see him coming around the swing set.

“Hey, Harry.” She smiled at him, “Are we dressed as the same thing?” She asked with an amused grin.

“I don’t know? I’m supposed to be Guillermo from What We Do In The Shadows.” He explained as he glanced down at his sweater vest and she studied him just a bit.

The weather was still so pleasant in LA despite it closing in on November. That’s what he loved about this place. He could always count on it to be comfortable and perfect, even when the weather was “off”. Everything about LA was placid. The people, everyone always minding their own business. The traffic even had its pattern, he considered himself a local now, so he knew what hours to travel at to navigate it with less inconveniences. The culture - art, music, food, nature, all of it was rich and perfect. You could have anything you wanted in this state; it was heaven on earth to him! And well, then there was Diana…he couldn’t picture this city without her benevolence and beauty anymore. She gave this whole place a new shine that he hadn’t experienced before and he was addicted to it.

“Oh, I do see that!” She concurred after she had looked over his outfit in the cold light from the lamps surrounding the small playground.

“Exactly!” He smiled. “So who are you supposed to be?” He questioned and she shook her head with a timid smile.

“A sexy professor.” She mumbled lowly in slight embarrassment. She was avoiding his gaze and focusing on her shoes as she admitted this to him.

“Oh, so just yourself then?” He flirted, “Very clever.” He slightly slurred.

"Poor planning on my part.” She said, “You’re already drunk?” She questioned.

“I’m a little bit crossed.” He confessed and she hummed, “Wait…if you assumed we came as the same thing are you saying I’m a sexy professor?” He grinned smugly and she giggled.

“I guess, I am.” She shrugged and he smiled a bit cockily to himself, “Yeah.” She then confirmed with a giggle.

“Are you not drinking?”

“No. Celeste went to her first high school party. She made friends with some seniors through Ben’s brother. Ben is her boyfriend, by the way!” She said and Harry chuckled.

“Oh my god, I know! She told me she has a boyfriend now…wild.”

“Yeah…well, she’s off doing that and I know she’s a good kid, but I’m just a little too preoccupied to drink. Like if anything happens I just want to be able to get to her if need be.”

“Yeah, that’s actually really smart.” He said and she nodded. “Speaking of significant others… I saw you a few months ago, you know?” He brought up stupidly. Because maybe she and Celeste had made a deal, that if Celeste could date, Diana could now too and it would explain what he saw at the cafe all those months ago.

“You did? And you didn’t say hi?” She asked in mock offense.

“You were…a bit preoccupied.” He said and she furrowed her brows pensively, “You were on a date?” He reminded and she looked even more confused, “I saw you literally holding hands with some obscenely hot, beefy guy across a table.” He said, trying to keep down that accusatory lilt that as fighting to become more obvious in his tone. But Diana seemed too confused to notice as she racked her brain trying to figure out what he was talking about because nothing was coming to mind.

“Are you sure it was me?” She asked and he smiled sardonically.

“Of course! I knew you were you just now by looking at the back of you!” He said and she smiled.

“Well none of that rings a bell so I think your eyes are failing you, Harry.” She teased playfully and when she glanced back up at him she saw his face was set in a rather serious expression.

“I can’t move on, you know? I’m not as…detached as you are.” He said and here eyebrows furrowed again.

“Detached? I don’t think I’ve been detached with you.” She responded, trying to keep the defensive tone at bay as he looked at her incredulously.

“Whatever you say…” he huffed, “So your new boyfriend-”

“Oh my god…” she groaned, “I don’t have a boyfriend!” She said with slight irritation. His false nonchalance about this was getting under her skin faster than it normally would. Mostly because she had made her feelings for him so fucking clear the last time they saw each other. Sure, it was months ago, but she put her whole heart out on the line for him. So that he would stop doubting and see that she loved him just as much as he loved her.

“Love, s’alright…” he shrugged, “You can be honest with me. I-I can take it.” He slightly slurred and she rolled her eyes.

“Clearly not.” She said lowly and he smirked as he reached for the chain of the swing and she glanced up at him.

“So you’re admitting it. He’s your boyfriend.”

“Jesus, Harry-”

“I just need to know so that I can move on! Or just tell me that we’re never going to happen so that I can-”

“Harry, jealousy is not a good look on you.” She huffed as she scowled up at him.

“M’not jealous. I just need to know…so that I can move on without feeling bad-”

“Oh please, don’t feel bad for me! If you want to date, date! We tried, Harry and we both agreed it wasn’t going to work! I’m not expecting you to just dwell on what could’ve been forever-”

“OK, don’t flatter yourself…” he smirked and she scoffed and shot up from the swing and started walking away. Harry frowned as she hurried off, “Di!” He shouted after her, “Diana!” He called once more, slightly jogging after her before things started to get a little too spin-ny for him and he stopped.

“I’m not doing this with you. You’re being an ass!” She called back as she continued to stalk off towards the house.

Diana didn’t even spare a glance back at Harry, she was so annoyed at him. Why couldn’t they just have a normal time without this always being a topic. As much as she wanted to be friends with him maybe she wouldn’t be able to if he couldn’t just deal with his feelings. She was hurting too, she missed him, she felt badly about the possibilities of what they could’ve been. She was dealing with it all the time, but she loved him too much to put him at risk and if he couldn’t see that and was just being a selfish prick about it, then she wanted nothing to do with him outside of their official business with Celeste. She just wanted to go home. So as she squeezed past a few people she was determined to find Grace and get her to open up her bedroom so she could grab her bag and get going. She didn’t need this.

*********

“Fuck.” Harry plopped down on the swing Diana had been on. The seat still warm from her body. It made him sad to think that this was as close as he could get to her warmth again. He kept doing stupid shit to drive the wedge between them even further. Maybe it was self sabotage because there was no way he could be on good terms with her without continuing to pine after her.

Harry genuinely hadn’t felt this way before in his life. He felt incomplete without Diana and Celeste. It was sick, the game the universe was playing his with heart. He loved them too much for his own good…it was tearing him apart. He was talking himself into clearing his brain fog a bit to properly apologize before she left when his phone started ringing in his pocket. He sighed, wondering who could be calling at near midnight, when he pulled it out he saw Celeste’s name on his screen and quickly answered.

“Hello?” He spoke into the receiver. All he could hear was heavy panting for a few seconds on the line before it crackled a bit and he immediately started to freak out as he thought the worse. What if she was in danger? Or having sex with this new boyfriend of hers? She was 15! He started to get angry and scared at what could be happening, “Celeste? Celeste! What he hell are you doing, Celeste?!” He shouted into the receiver, practically shaking in anticipation of hearing her excuse for this. He was seeing red. If anyone hurt her, he would surely be out for blood and no one in the world would be able to stop him from-

“Harry?” She finally spoke, still sounding out of breath and then he heard some laughter and muddled voices in the background, “Are you there?” She asked and the line crackled again.

“Yeah, I’m here. Where are you? What’s going on? Are you alright?” His anger dissolved as soon as he heard the fear in her voice.

“Someone called the cops on the party I came to! My mom gave me permission by the way.” She said quickly and he let out the biggest sigh of relief upon hearing this, “And we just…we ran like half a mile to not get caught and I don’t have great cell service in this area so we can’t get an uber and they’re all like 40 minutes away and my curfew is at 12:30! Ruben had too much to drink and either way he’s parked out by the house where the cops are and we can’t go back there! We need you to please come pick us up!” she was rambling, sounding panicked as she divulged all this information about how she’d gotten into this situation.

“Oh god…ummm…I didn’t drive here, petal.”

“What about Grace or Henry? Can you borrow their car or can one of them come for us?” She asked.

“I’m not sober enough to drive and they’re worse than me. Your mum hasn’t had anything to drink-”

“No! Not my mom, Harry. Anyone but my mom! She’s going to kill me!” She panicked.

“Celeste, listen to me, I-I’ll talk her down. I’ll be the buffer, yeah?”

“You don’t understand, if she comes to pick us up we’re all screwed!” She groaned into the phone.

“I-if you did something wrong, sooner or later you’ll have to face the music. Better to be honest about it than try to finesse your way out of it. I will talk to her, OK?”

“Harry, I…I broke a lot of rules tonight. One really, really big one!” She confessed worriedly.

“We’ve all been there, yeah? It’ll be fine, OK? A-are you drunk?” He had to ask.

“No, I tried a bit but I didn’t like it.” She confessed lowly and he smiled, “I just pretended.” She said and he chuckled.

“That’s fine you do what makes you comfortable. Now in the meantime, send me your exact location and I’ll go find your mum. I’ll text you when we’re heading over, OK?”

“OK.” She said quietly and after reassuring her few more times they hung up.

Harry was combing through Grace’s house for Diana and finally, he caught a glimpse of her making her way towards the front door and he rushed through the people in his way.

“Diana!” He called after her. He saw her glance back before she rolled her eyes at him and kept moving more swiftly than before. “Fuck, please excuse me!” He groaned as he forced his way between a group who insisted on talking right by the exit of the house. They all protested as he broke through their little circle and jogged out after her. “Diana, wait!” He shouted as he tried to catch up with her and she came to a screeching halt before turning around, causing him to stumble as he stopped right before he crashed into her.

“What do you want?!” She questioned him with so much irritation that his mind blanked for a second. When everything caught up to him again a second later he sighed.

“Celeste just called me.” Her irritation morphed into concern immediately, “The cops crashed the party and she’s freaking out.” He said and she immediately reached for her purse and frowned when she saw there wasn’t a text or missed call from her or anyone actually.

“Ummm…Ben’s mom is picking them up-”

“Well she called to ask me to pick them up because someone’s too drunk to drive and the car is out by the house and they can’t go back there so they’re stranded-”

“Was it Ruben?” She asked and Harry nodded and he saw her jaw tense, “I’m going to kill her.” She said with frustration as she dug around for her keys.

“I’m gonna have to report that to CPS.” He joked with a grin and she took a break from her searching to glare at him.

“Not the time, Harry.” She seethed.

“Sorry. I know…ummm, she sent me her location.”

“Just text it to me.”

“I’m coming with you.” He said and she shook her head.

“No offense, but I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now. I just need to get to my kid and make sure she’s alright-”

“She’s safe, OK? She didn’t drink, she just made a mistake.”

“This is more than that. She lied to me! She knows she’s not allowed to ride around with Ruben! And he’s not allowed to be driving anyone other than Ben because-”

“OK, deep breaths.” He said reaching for her shoulders and she pushed his arms away.

“Don’t tell me to take deep fucking breaths! I have every right to be angry at her! We had the worst fucking fight over this when school started! And-”

“Diana, I’m sorry but just listen.” He interrupted and she sighed, “Look, she did what she did, we can’t change that now.” He shook his head, “She did the right thing though, she called us for help-”

“She called you because she knows she’d be in trouble if I found out.” She said to him.

“OK, but aren’t you glad that they had the sense to not escape in their car with a drunk driver?” He said and she sighed and shook her head.

“Still, Harry-”

“You have every right to be upset, but that’s not going to fix anything right now. Let’s just go get her, OK? Let’s get her back home and deal with it then.” He appealed. “I’ll come to be a buffer and besides I’m over this party.” He said and she sighed. “You can vent to me the whole way, catch me up on what I don’t know.” He said and she bit her lip pensively for a moment.

“Fine. But I’m dealing with this my way. OK?”

“Yeah, she’s…she’s your daughter.” He said and she nodded.

“C’mon then.” She said lowly before they headed off to their car.

Harry texted Celeste that they were on their way. It was nearly a half an hour drive, the home they had gone to was in hidden hills, quite far from where Diana thought the party was, which was another added layer to the issue. She explained the argument she and Celeste had about Ruben giving her rides and what she had said to her. Harry looked a bit shocked at that and Diana explained how angry and hurt she was about it, even after they had fixed things, she still felt hurt about it when she’d give it some thought.

“Well anyway…the day after that I had made plans to talk with Ben’s dad about this to see if they were even comfortable with having Ruben giving rides out to anyone other than Ben and his girlfriend. Like just for insurance purposes! He’s not even 18 yet, you know?” She explained and Harry nodded as they continued making their way down the 101 North. It felt reminiscent of their failed first date, they were taking the same freeway anyway, “So we went out for some coffee,” upon hearing her say this he started to feel like an idiot, “and he explained that Ruben got two speeding tickets over the summer so he wasn’t allowed to drive anyone but Ben and they would reconsider after his 18th birthday and-”

“Ummm did you…happen to get coffee at Cafe Flores?” He interrupted and she spared him a quick glance.

“That’s the only place I get coffee, Harry.” She said and then he sighed and shook his head in total embarrassment. Even his ears were getting hot as the realization came over him over what he had actually been witnessing. But he wasn’t the only one having realizations over this, when Diana gasped, he knew that she had figured it out, “Wait…is that what you saw?” She asked and he just stayed quiet. “You saw Josh holding my hand over the table while we talked?” She questioned and he was trying to figure out a way in which he could play down the way he’d practically gone off on her earlier in the night, “So you’ve been mad at me this entire time over something you assumed was a date?” She questioned, she glanced over to him, completely amused at this revelation.

“What else was I supposed to think as you looked at each other like that and held hands?” He finally said. When he glanced over to her she was smiling a bit, “Don’t laugh at me…”

“I’m not. I’m just remembering that I was…talking about you when that happened. We were talking about how I’ve been doing this on my own and Celeste’s apprehension with me dating. And I had just said that I had met someone who I wanted to be with, but it got complicated with Celeste and we had to just not.” She explained and he frowned a bit, “He’s gay.” She said and Harry felt like an even bigger idiot now.

“And who’s the asshole now…” he mumbled and she sighed.

“You’re not an asshole.” She said, “Well maybe sometimes. But, if I recall correctly I was feeling stupid for complaining about my love life because Josh and his partner, Vincent’s families are homophobic. Ben and Ruben’s mom, Elena, is basically his cover for it.”

“Oh…that’s so awful.” He said and she nodded.

“Yeah. She knows, they were together for ages. Agreed to have a family together because they both wanted that and they would just do their own thing. But then he met Vincent and they started their own life. They’re great coparents, the kids love them all and it’s going really well for them. But anyway, I was just saying how my troubles in love seemed so minimal compared to what he had to go through and how he couldn’t even be this authentic self with his family and that’s when he grabbed my hand and told me to not minimize my struggles in love and assured me that he understood what it was to just sacrifice everything for your kids.”

“Wow…he sounds like a really lovely man.”

“He is. He really is, we became friends really quickly.” She said and he hummed.

“I’m sorry.” He said to her and she just smiled at him before turning her vision back to road. “Really, I am. I feel like I’m always making a total ass of myself around you and it always comes back to haunt me.”

“Just stop jumping to conclusions, Harry.” She said and he sighed.

“Yeah…I should. I just…genuinely can’t wrap my head around how good we would be together and the fact that we can’t have that…”

“I told you that I love you, Harry. I’m not just going to move on from that after a few months. It took a lot for me to just be that vulnerable about my feelings and my wants with you…sometimes I regret it. I feel like if I hadn’t said it, it might be easier to get over, you know? But I said it. I spoke the words and it felt…way too real after that. I was so depressed I was bedridden, Harry.” She said and he frowned as he glanced towards her, not even thinking twice about wiping a tear as it slipped down her cheek.

“I’m really sorry, Di. I am…I’m such a fucking dick.” He said softly and she sighed.

“It’s…fine.” She said softly and he chuckled and shook his head.

“It’s not. I don’t know how to fucking act with you. Like a fucking child.”

“Just a bit.” She said with a smile and he returned her gesture.

“I get now why you’re so angry. This is a lot…in a way your biggest fear.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is. I had no idea this was even going to be an issue until it was. Like she’s growing up and I’m losing control, I’m losing my say in her life bit by bit and I don’t think I can handle that!” She said and he nodded in understanding.

“I ummm…” he chuckled breathily before he spoke up, “I thought she had butt-dialed me during sex or something when she called because all I could hear was heavy breathing and-”

“No!” Diana groaned as she shook her head and Harry chuckled.

“I was livid.” Harry said with a shake of his hed, “God, I’d never been more ready to tear someone’s head off…” he chuckled. “The sigh of relief I exhaled when she said she had run half a mile to get away from the cops…”

“I mean, that’s still rather awful…” she said.

“Somehow that’s better than her hooking up with someone.” He said and Diana chuckled.

“Yeah, a bit…"

"Talk about feeling like you completely lost the reigns.” He said and she laughed.

“Yeah, I’m not sure that feeling ever goes away.” She said and he smiled.

“I don’t see how it would.” He concurred.

“She told me a few weeks ago about what you talked about last time.” She said and he turned to her.

“I hope that was OK. I just…I hate pretending like I don’t love her for the sake of work.” He said, “I wanted her to understand why I…continued to put distance in between us, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m not sure if she’s still thinking about it or if she’s just been distracted with everything she has going on right now. But I mean…I think subconsciously she is choosing to have you in her life as a friend or family or whatever, rather than the limited version of you she gets in therapy.”

“Yeah, I think that would be more meaningful for her too. And ummm…I think I’m kind of done trying to find a way to…to make us work.” He said and she felt her heart twist with hurt and her stomach sink, “Wait, I’m drunk, that came out very different than what I was trying to say in my head.” He chuckled, “Like, obviously, I’m in love with you. But I feel like every time we try it just blows up in our faces, you know?”

“Yeah.” She agreed.

“So my strategy is just that I’m just going to let it be. I can only believe that we’re supposed to be together; it just makes sense. When it’ll happen? I don’t know… and I don’t care. But it will and I’m just going to let it happen in its own time.” He said and Diana felt relief as he said that.

“I think we are too. Supposed to be together.” She confirmed with a smile. “But what if that’s until Celeste is in college?” She asked him and he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Eh, what’s another 2 years?”

“Oh my god…that’s right! Just 2 years.” She said in shock and he smiled.

“Right?!” He chuckled in just as much disbelief, “I mean, there’s no rush though. The only thing that I feel would put any time constraints on us would be if you wanted to have more kids, but I mean, you don’t. I don’t. So we could even wait to be snowbirds together if that’s how you wanted it.” He said and she laughed.

“Definitely don’t want to wait that long to have my love life sorted out.” She giggled and he did as well.

“So ummm…friends?” He asked as he turned to her and she spared him a quick glance with a smile.

“Yeah. Friends.” She confirmed before turning back to the road, “Who are in love with each other.” She added.

“Yeah, tons of friends are in love with each other and they just…exist together without making a mess. We can do it.” He concluded and she smiled.

“We can. We’re adults. We can hang!” She said and he laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, we can.” He agreed. “So, as your friend…how is this situation with Celeste going to play out?” He asked and Diana shook her head.

“I have no idea. God, I hate that she lies though!” Diana groaned as she started to exit the freeway. “Like how can I…take care of her or trust her when she’s lying to me? You know?” He nodded in understanding as she looked both ways before peeling to the right per the directions his phone was giving, “She’s young, I know she wants to try different things and enjoy her youth, but if she does something she’s not supposed to do right now then obviously she’s going to get in trouble over it…like it’s part of the whole thing!”

“That’s what I told her on the phone. I mean, she was begging me to find another way to help her out that didn’t involve you. But I explained to her that sooner or later anything you do wrong just…comes to light and that it’s better to just face it head on than to try and pretend like nothing ever happened and get out of it somehow. I know that she’s smart and that she’s capable of making good decisions, I mean clearly.” He said and she nodded, “But you also need to be accountable for your not so good decisions.”

“Exactly.” She said and he smiled.

“So maybe tell her like that. And…I mean, you’re grounding her for a bit, I presume?”

“Oh definitely.” Diana chuckled as they came to another stop at a traffic light.

“How long we talking here?”

“Like…2 weeks?” She said as she glanced to him.

“That doesn’t seem like long enough…It’s just 2 weeks. Maybe a month?”

“But you said she didn’t drink. She just…lied about the ride thing.”

“True…” he mused pensively.

“Am I making this bigger than it actually is?” She now questioned all of her anger.

“I don’t know…I mean, she lied about something that you’d both already agreed upon. She understands your reasonings and agreed to follow your rules…” he said and she sighed, “How do people do this? What is she even going to get out of a grounding? Like what privileges are being revoked?” He asked her and she sputtered out a laugh.

“I don’t know! I’ve never had to ground her before!” She exclaimed before they both started laughing for a bit.

“Well who is putting these ideas in her head? Is it the boyfriend? Because if so-”

“I don’t want to do that to her…take away someone meaningful to her? My parents did it to me. I mean, I hadn’t done anything wrong, it was just their…racism, but it’s just wrong in my eyes. To take away someone’s love and support from another person, that’s not a privilege.” She said to him and he smiled.

“Yeah, you’re right. Scratch that.” Harry said, “God, this is way too hard.”

“It so is!”

“Imagine how parents who have kids who are consistently challenging their rules? Like you run out of things to ground them over right? Like…how?”

“I guess so? But I’m thinking No hanging out outside of school stuff and no allowance for two weeks. Can’t take her phone or laptop, she’ll need those.”

“Right…” Harry chuckled, “You’ve done really well with her, Di. I mean, I think it’d be good to figure out why she felt like she needed to lie about this?” He said and she hummed. “Sure, I’ve been out of the loop for a bit, but from what I’ve seen you’ve always shown her that you’re willing to listen first, so there’s no reason for her to lie. Most people lie to avoid some sort of negative consequence. She could just be…scared of what you might do if she breaks a rule. And just the fact that she’s breaking the rule is so scary to her?” He tried to think of some motive.

“Yeah, like she immediately lies instead of trying to argue for a compromise to a rule that maybe she doesn’t agree with. Like this thing about Ruben not being able to drive her.”

“Right. Like it’s a big deal for you and it could be that this is more of a rule for your own peace of mind, you know? And she might feel like it’s not as serious as you might think it is.”

“Yeah, and I recognize that it is more for me. But his parents have also put up a boundary about him driving others around, so even if I agreed to let him give her rides, he still can’t until his parents say it’s OK.” She explained, “Which they haven’t so…”

“Yeah, so come at it from that perspective. Try and figure out why she thinks it’s not a fair rule, you know?” He suggested.

“Yeah, OK.” She hummed as they go a bit closer, “Thank you, Harry.”

“Of course.” He smiled, “You’re gonna make a left up here and they should be…oh, there they are.” He chuckled as he saw the four kids sitting on the sidewalk looking absolutely cold and miserable. “Maybe this was punishment enough.” He mused and she chuckled as she made a u-turn to come up beside them. As soon as they realized it was her they stood up.

“Sorry guys, it’s gonna be a tight fit.” Diana said as Celeste opened up the back door.

“S’alright we’ll fit.” Heather, Ruben’s girlfriend assured her, “I can just sit on your lap, babe. That way we can buckle up.” They heard her say to Ruben who agreed as Celeste slid in first and then Ben in the middle. As Heather and Ruben got situated Celeste glanced over to Harry, he turned to say to her and Ben, she looked so anxious and scared. They all were, it was eerily quiet as they made their way back home. It was so awkward that Diana ended up handing her phone to Harry so that he could pick some music to play on the drive. But eventually Ruben fell asleep, he was the one that was a bit trashed. And everyone else seemed to be sober.

“Guys, we’re almost home. Does anyone need any food?” Diana asked. Heather begged them to please stop by the in-n-out and she ordered herself and Ruben some food, everyone else was fine. And after that little detour they were coming to slow stop in front of Elena’s house.

“Do you need me to take you home, Heather?”

“No, it’s alright. My sister should be here in a few minutes.” She said to Diana.

“OK.” She smiled and they started getting out of the car.

“M’gonna use the bathroom. Can’t hold it!” Celeste said before getting out of her side and hurrying off to the dark house with Ben. Diana put the car in park, waiting and watching as Heather and Ruben split up their food. Not even a minute later another car was coming up the street and Heather kissed Ruben before waving goodbye to her and Harry before she got in the car and they took off. Then Ruben came over and Diana scrolled her window down.

“Miss Beltran, I’m so sorry for this. I wasn’t planning on drinking since I’m in the middle of season, but we were playing this game and-”

“It happens, Ruben. You guys did the right thing calling for help.” She assured and he nodded.

“Ummm, also I wasn’t going to drive. But my mom had to cover a shift at the last minute and made an exception to let me drive just this once. I didn’t know that Celeste didn’t mention that to you when she found out. Not to place any blame on her, but if I had known that she was nervous to tell you that I would’ve made sure that my mom talked to you before she left for work. I swear, that’s how it all went down, I just don’t want her to get in trouble.” He said.

“Thanks for explaining, Ruben. I’m just glad that you’re all safe.” She said and he smiled and said goodnight before heading inside. Just seconds later Celeste and Ben were coming back outside. He walked her up to the car and opened the door for her and hugged her before letting her slip inside.

“Thank you for coming to get us ,Miss Beltran. I’m really sorry about this whole thing.” He said nervously. Even the fact that he was calling Diana “Miss Beltran” was an indicator that he was beyond nervous. He’d stopped calling her that for a while now.

“That’s alright, Ben.” She assured with a smile and he just gave one last wave and a goodnight to the three of them before he hurried inside and Celeste just exhaled shakily. “Ummm, off to yours?” Diana asked Harry.

“Yeah, we can go through a back way from this street.”

“Oh, OK. Just tell me where to go.” She said and he guided her though until they were pulling up to his house. “Well ladies, thank you.” He said and Diana smiled.

“Yeah, of course.” She hummed and he stepped out and dug around his pockets before frowning, “What’s wrong?”

“I left my keys and wallet in Grace’s room.” He groaned as he felt around his pockets again just in case.

“Oh, well we have a guest bedroom. You can crash and we can get your stuff tomorrow, yeah?”

“I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You’re not.” She assured him. “Is that OK with you Celeste?” Diana asked, glancing back to her and she looked up to her from her phone and then to Harry.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She smiled.

“Hop in then.” Diana smiled at him and he settled back into the car and they made their way back to their house.

As soon as they made it in Diana told Celeste that she wanted to have a talk with her and to just get ready for bed. Diana was searching for some clothes Harry could borrow to sleep in and well, she did find some that would fit. She showed him to the guest bathroom upstairs so that he could change and wash up, she left him an extra toothbrush as well and she busied herself with turning down the bed in the guest room and bringing him an extra blanket in case he got a little cold. Harry came into the room right as she was setting the extra blanket down on the corner of the bed.

“Oh, just in case you get cold or something.”

“Perfect, thanks.”

“Can I get you any water?”

“I can get it. I’ll take a bit so you can have that chat with Celeste.” He said and she smiled.

“OK, thanks. And thank you again for everything tonight.”

“I hope it made up for me being a jealous prick.” He said softly and she giggled.

“Yeah, definitely did.” She nodded and he smiled.

“Good. OK, I’ll ummm disappear. Text me when you’re done, yeah?” She nodded and he made his way down stairs as Diana took a few steps over to Celeste’s door and knocked.

“Come in!” She called and Diana stepped inside and closed the door quietly behind her. Celeste was already on her bed, holding one of her decorative pillows in her lap, picking at the woven in beading anxiously.

“Hey, you alright?” Diana asked as she took a seat beside her and Celeste nodded and cast her eyes down. “What’s going on?” She asked her softly and Celeste sighed, “Why did you lie to me about Elena driving you guys?”

“She got called in last minute and told Ruben he could take us-”

“I know, Ruben told me while you were inside. But why didn’t you text me just to let me know there was a change in plans?” She asked

“I don’t know…I got nervous that you would change your mind about me being able to go to the party. Or say he couldn’t drive us in case he got drunk or something-”

“Which he did.” Diana said and Celeste frowned.

“Ben said he doesn’t really drink at parties, this was the first time he drank like this.” She explained.

“So before the cops showed up what was your plan to get home safely by curfew?” Diana asked and Celeste sighed.

“I…I don’t know.” She confessed.

“Mamita, lying about things like this is the worst thing you could do. Something as simple as a party can go terribly wrong and put you in situations that could compromise your safety. And not just yours, Ben’s, Ruben’s, Heather’s, and any of your other friends!” Diana explained, trying her best to keep her emotions regulated. She could see the tears forming in Celeste’s eyes and the anxiety radiating off of her was palpable. “Sometimes, telling the truth can be scary, but has there ever been a time where you have…tried to communicate something to me and I’ve just…dismissed you?” She asked and Celeste took a moment to think before she shook her head.

“I don’t think so.” She said softly.

“OK, so what makes you think or feel like I wouldn’t listen to you when it comes to stuff like this?” She asked, “I mean, I said yes to this party that was just for upperclassmen, didn’t I?” Diana asked and Celeste nodded. “Then trust me. Communicate with me, mamita! I just want what’s best for you and your friends. And I’m sure their parents feel the exact same way.” She said and Celeste sniffled as her tears finally started to fall. “Hey, don’t cry.” She said reaching for her hand.

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled.

“I know you are. And look, the thing with Ruben, I mean…it’s his parents’ rule that he can’t be driving anyone around right now. I know that I…have a very specific fear about this and I need to learn to overcome that, especially as you get older and gain more independence, but that’s their rule. And if they made an exception then all you needed to do was let me know. Exceptions can happen. And I’ve gotten to know Ruben a bit more and he’s very responsible and sweet, I would’ve been OK with it just for tonight and probably figured out a plan B with you guys beforehand in case he drank too much. Especially knowing that his parents aren’t available.” She explained and Celeste nodded. “But despite the turn of events I’m glad you guys are all safe and sound and I’m glad you called Harry.” She said and Celeste smiled.

“He told me to own up.” She giggled through her sniffle and Diana smiled.

“Yeah, it’s important to own up when you’ve made a mistake. You’re really good at that, and I admire you for it. And yeah, it can be scary and difficult sometimes, but there’s nothing more important than being accountable for your choices and actions. And I hope that in the future you choose to be more honest with me when you’re in trouble. I mean, I don’t think that any of my rules are…unreasonable, but if you feel like something I’ve set up feels that way then please let me know. We can talk about it, come to an agreement perhaps, and other times I might just tell you that I’m not changing my mind and you’ll just have to accept that sometimes.”

“I know.” She mumbled.

“And look, I know that Ben is a great young man, and in having this relationship with him you’ll want more space and privacy. But I’ve noticed that after being with him you’ve started to lie more or to omit information and that’s not OK, Celeste. I don’t want to ever tell you that you can’t spend time with someone that’s important to you. That wouldn’t be right of me and besides, you’d just sneak around and it’ll be a mess! But I want you to understand that more freedom means more responsibility. If you want more space, more independence, more privacy, more of my trust, you need to show me that you are capable of being responsible. I know you already are with everything you have going on, but this is another layer to it. And the layers of things you’re responsible for will keep increasing until you’re a full-fledged adult and can call your own shots. It’s my job as your parent, to ensure that you have the ability to take ownership of your life and this is part of that. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“So, I…don’t really know how to punish you because, I’ve never had to do this before…” Diana said and Celeste chuckled, “I’ve decided you’re grounded for two weeks. So no stuff outside of school and no allowance. I think that’s rather fair.” Diana said and Celeste frowned but kept quiet and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s fair.” She finally said. “Does that mean we can’t give Ben rides home from school when Ruben has practice?”

“Well that just messes with his schedule too, so he can still come over, but weekends you’ll be home with me. Doing… things. Chores.”

OK.” She agreed, “If I’m really good can we cut down the time?”

“No. You should be grateful it’s two weeks, Harry said a month.” Diana informed and Celeste’s eyes went wide.

“A month?!” She scoffed.

“Well, he doesn’t have kids so…he doesn’t know how hard it’d be to have a teenager on house arrest for a month.” She said and Celeste giggled.

“Yeah, two weeks is fine. I’m happy with two weeks.” She said quickly and Diana chuckled.

“I love you. Always.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry for lying.”

“Just don’t do it again.” She said and Celeste nodded, “Did you at least have fun at the party?”

“Yeah…I mean, one of the girls had me try her drink and it was…so gross. So I just made a fake one since they wanted to play beer pong.” She confessed and Diana smiled, “I was surprisingly good at that. A lot of the games were fun.” She said and Diana nodded. “But ummm…I’m a bit traumatized now…like I know I might look athletic but I’m not. And if every party is going to get crashed by cops I’d rather not go again until I’m fit enough to run half a mile uphill to hide from the cops.” She chuckled and Diana laughed along with her.

“Yeah, parties weren’t my thing. It was very messy…only started to go spring semester with your dad. He made it fun though, people wouldn’t force me to drink or do anything I didn’t want because of him. But ummm, yeah s’just something to get used to! And well, if you try again and absolutely hate it, you really don’t have to go to parties.” Diana said and Celeste nodded.

“Right.” She agreed. With that she got into bed and Diana made her way out of the bedroom and downstairs to grab her own glass of water before heading back up to her room.

When she got down there Harry was sitting at the kitchen island, scrolling through his phone with a bowl of food before him. She smiled at the sight. She imagined this is what he would look like after a long day of work when he just needed to have a chat about something that had happened with a client or in class. They could sit and talk, vent, discuss…whatever he needed. And she could just see herself gently scratching his back and listening attentively to everything he had to say. She’d finally have the chance to be there for him, the way he had been for her. When Harry noticed her lingering by the entrance of the kitchen smiling at him, he glanced over.

“Sorry, made myself at home. Got the munchies, should’ve taken advantage of our In-n-Out pit stop.” He admitted and she smiled.

“That’s alright.”

“It’s good, whatever this is.” He said as he looked down at the bowl and she walked over and peeked down at it.

“Oh, tallarines verdes.” She smiled.

“Mexican food?”

“Peruvian. Basically Peruvian pesto.”

“Yeah, it’s fucking delicious. I might finish it. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, of course. Celeste clearly didn’t like ‘em as much as you did, so please.” She insisted, “Should I get ‘em out?”

“Please. How’d it go?” He asked as she pulled the container from the fridge.

“Really good. I even pulled out something about how I understand that she wants more independence and privacy now that she has her little boyfriend, but in order for me to give her more of that she needs to prove to me that she’s responsible enough for more freedom. Just…pulled that out of thin air!” Diana said as she just stuck the Tupperware in the microwave.

“Oh…that’s really fucking good. I’m gonna use that.” He said and she giggled. “Good improv.”

“That’s literally parenting, all improv. Like you read all these books and understand all these theories and approaches but you just end up doing your own thing. Every child is just so different, you know?” She said and he hummed. “I may have… thrown you and your punishment suggestion under the bus to make the two weeks grounding sound less daunting. So sorry in advance.” She said and he chuckled.

“That’s fine. You needed the win.” He hummed and she smiled. When the microwave beeped she grabbed the container and just dropped the rest of the noodles into his bowl. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course.” She hummed before heading over to wash it.

“I’ve got that, don’t worry.” Harry said immediately when he realized she was cleaning up after him.

“Oh no, it’s OK.” She assured and quickly washed it before serving herself her tall glass of water. “Alright, just call me or knock on the door if you need anything, OK?”

“OK. Thank you. Good night.”

“Night!” She smiled and headed up stairs.

**********

Y/N had slept better than she had in a long time, she woke up feeling like everything was alright. And it was, with Celeste and with Harry. She felt like she’d done a great job of communicating her needs and had been heard and things could only get better from there. And as she laid in bed, contemplating when to get up she realized that she smelled something delicious and immediately went to wash up before throwing on her robe and getting into her slippers to head down stairs. The more steps she descended the clearer she could hear him singing along to the music he was playing from his phone, currently that was “Just the Two of Us” by Bill Withers and Grover Washington Jr. She smiled as she came into the kitchen to see him drizzling some pancake mix onto the hot griddle.

“Morning!” She said and he jumped a bit in surprise.

“Jesus!” He gasped and she laughed.

“Sorry.” She apologized through her smile and he just chuckled and turned his eyes back down to the stove.

“Sure you are…”

“What’s all this?”

“I just wanted to do something nice for you guys.” He said and she smiled.

“You’re too sweet, thank you. It smells amazing.” She hummed.

“Thank you.” He smiled.

And yes, it did smell amazing, Celeste had woken up just moments after her mom. She figured she was making breakfast, but then remembered that she typically slept in on Sundays and that Harry had stayed over…meaning he was probably the one cooking up whatever delicious scent was wafting up from the kitchen. So she sprung out of bed and washed up before quietly making her way down the steps. The closer down she got the clearer the music he was playing became and the chatter between him and her mom. She stayed around the corner to eavesdrop just a bit and she was thanking him for talking her down from losing her shit on her last night. Celeste smiled because he had promised her that he would talk it out with her mom and he had done just that.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Her mom suddenly groaned.

“Me too! You’ve seen “My Best Friend’s Wedding”, right?” He asked and she scoffed.

“Of course! I’ve seen every Julia Roberts film. She’s literally the perfect woman.”

“Right! Fucking breathtaking…” he mumbled and then they started singing.

The moment I wake up before I put on my makeup (makeup) - I say a little prayer for you.

And while combing my hair now and wondering what dress to wear now (wear now) - I saw a little prayer for you…

Suddenly she heard her mom squeal and she snuck a little peak to see Harry grab her and spin her around before he just started dancing with her as they sang loudly to the chorus.

Forever, forever you’ll stay in my heart and I will love you.

Forever and ever we never will part. Oh, how I love you.

Together, together that’s how it must be to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me!

“Oh my god, don’t drop me!” She laughed as he dipped her low.

“I would never!” He chuckled, “You trust me with your child but not with your life?” He asked playfully.

“Oh, my life is on the line?” She questioned and he chuckled and then helped her straighten out as they laughed.

Celeste found herself smiling from ear to ear as she watched them continue singing into the second verse. Harry was using the spatula in his hand as a mic as he sang to her mom and she just looked at him in amusement.

“Your pancake is burning.” She said to him and he turned around quickly and saw it smoking more than normal and hurried to flip it over as she laughed a bit.

Celeste snuck back around the corner, trying to keep herself composed before making her entrance. Her mom was asking him if he wanted some coffee to which he said yes, but they continued singing as they did their own tasks. Celeste could feel her heart racing in her chest at what she’d just seen. She didn’t expect to feel as happy about that as she had…but it was sweet. And maybe if Harry was around more they could all have more moments like this together. What if Harry started to like her mom and then…well, if it worked out she could have two parents who obviously loved her and cared about her. They were two good looking people…they would make a cute couple, wouldn’t they? And who better to date her mom than someone that she knew wouldn’t try to just take her from her. Harry knew her concerns about her mom dating, so he would be mindful of those things…and just like that she had decided that it was time to fire Harry as her therapist.

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