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nalledimessi · 3 years

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Chapter one: Back Home.

Hello there friends! Sorry for not been here so often now but i have somethings to deal with, but I'm glad to be back and with a serie of my own. I hope you like it, love it, share it and comment. Feedback, reblogs and you keep me going and is love for me!

Before we start I want to leave special regards to my friend @imgoingtofreakoutnow because without her this serie couldn't be possible. Annie, friend, I love you and I'm still can't thank you enough for help me with this. Also thanks to @elijahs-wife hope to see you soon and I hope you're taking care of yourself.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Tag's @valsworldofcreativity @avala-moon

You stop the engine once you are in the driveway of your home, the same house you shared with him not long ago. You hesitate for a few minutes, playing with the keys in your hand. If only he was here, you think for yourself before taking a deep breath and opening the door. The dark surrounds you while you close the door behind you, leaving your keys and purse on the side table to then walk towards the counter leaving the take-out food on it.

“[Y/N]” his voice coming out of the shadows.

It would never stop to amazed you how he pronounces your name, so soft and so intimate. You sigh resting your hands on the counter, closing your eyes trying to stop the tears that want to get out desperately. “What are you doing here, Elijah? You made it clear you wouldn’t return” you question him before turning to see him.

“The truth of the matter is…” he says, taking his hands to his trousers’ pockets and standing straight, “I still have feelings for you and no matter how hard I try,” —he drops his gaze momentarily to then fix it in yours— “a part of me just doesn’t want to let go” he declares. “[Y/N] I give you…”

“Don’t you dare to finish that” you interrupt him with crystal gaze and anger in your voice, “we both know that as soon Klaus needs you, you won’t hesitate to leave everything behind” —you sigh— “including me, to run to him.” You closed your eyes trying to stop the tears at their edges. “I can’t do this anymore, Elijah” you sob, opening them again. “Please leave” you beg him.

He walks towards you and stops a few inches away, enough for you to inhale his scent. He leans over and deposits a kiss on your head. “I will leave for now.” He lingers close to you a few more seconds to then announce you: “I love you [Y/N] and that is why I have to leave” he confesses before walking out of the door and disappearing in the night.

You know you should’ve told him before, but you know him better than himself; if you had mention it, he would have been torn between choosing his brother and his unborn child.

“We’ll be fine” you say, moving your hand to your abdomen. You take your phone out of your pocket and call the only one you could count on now.

“Are you alright? Where are you?” he picks up alarmed.

“I’m fine, New Orleans” you rush to answer his questions. “I need a place to stay for a few months” you continue.

“Say no more, your room is still the same way you left it” he expresses.

“Thank you, Dean” you say relieved.

“That is what family’s for, we will be waiting for you” you hear him say before ending the call and walking upstairs to pack and go back to Lebanon, Kansas.

You rush to pack up the most essential and everything that could be used to track you down.

You look back through the rear mirror, glancing one last time at what you have called your home with Elijah these last months. -It’s better this way- you say, before starting your way back to your brothers, the Winchesters.

You reach Alexandria, wishing you could keep driving and be far away from New Orleans, Elijah and the chaos that came with being a Mikaelson, but you need to think of the safety and wellness of your child. You decide to spend only the night in Alexandria, stopping at the first motel you saw, and to continue driving at the first light of the day, obviously after breakfast.

“A room for the night” you say as soon you get to the manager office, cap over your head and a big hoodie covering you, making sure to avoid the surveillance camera that was pointing to the door.

“Card or cash?” the old man behind the counter asks while removing the room key off the board keychain.

“Cash” you respond. No way to track you that way, for anyone.

“60 dollars and I need an ID, sweetheart” he grins at you. You place your ID and money on the counter “Room 10 for [Y/N] Winchester, 2nd floor to the right”

“Thanks” you utter, taking the keys and ID from him and following his directions to your room.

Once you settle on bed, your phone starts ringing. You look at the name on the screen and pick it up.

“Hey Sammy” you greet him.

“Dean mentioned you’re coming back, is it true or he’s just playing with me?” The hope in his voice makes you smile.

“It’s true Sammy, I’m on my way. I’m spending the night in Alexandria but will hit the road first thing in the morning after breakfast” you assure him.

“It’s everything alright?” he asks concerned. He knows you after all and even if he was the youngest, he had always been the smart one.

“It’s complicated” you confess.

He chuckles. “I’m starting to think that word means Winchester”

You chuckle back. “Yeah, I think you’re right” you mention playing with the sheet of your bed.

“Alright, be safe. See you when you arrive. Love you [Y/N]”

“Love you too Sammy” you add before hanging up and plugging in your phone next to the Colt M1911A1 that Dean gave you before departing.

Standing in front of the house, Elijah notices that your car isn’t in sight and that the curtains you always keep open are closed. He walks to the entry, using his key to access the house. Looking around the first floor everything was as usual but there was no sight of you.

“[Y/N]?” he calls you from the stairs but no respond. He vamp-speeds to your room to find it completely empty; the closet without a single piece of clothing just like your drawers. The only clothes left are his, with the only exception of his dark blue dress shirt, your favorite. He takes a seat on the bed, taking his head in his palms. If only I had fought for you, he thinks for himself.

He raises his gaze at the sound of the entry door and vamp-speeds downstairs, only to appear in front of his sister. “What are you doing here Rebekah?” he questions, confused and disappointed.

“I came to see [Y/N].” She looks around. “Where she is?” she asks, setting once again his sight on her brother.

“She is gone” he announces, sad and avoiding eye contact with her, “and it seems to be my fault” he adds, taking his hand to his trousers’ pocket. “I apologize Rebekah”

“What happened?” she questions him, crossing her arms. “Don’t tell me you let her go”

He looks at her. “If I admit to you that it’s complicated, would that suffice? Or, are you determined to torment me throughout this endeavor?”

She shakes her head. “Did you push her away?”

“I came last night to arrange things between us, but she asked me to leave and so I left” he vaguely explains.

“And she was gone when you returned.” He nods.

“We should go,” he told her walking to the entrance. “There’s nothing for us here anymore” he concludes, looking around one last time before leaving the house.

It takes you more than you wanted to arrive to the bunker, but finally you are back.

“I’m home” you shout as soon you are inside, your voice followed by the sound of footsteps.

“[Y/N]! Glad you made it kiddo” you roll your eyes at Dean.

“I’m not a kiddo anymore” you say while walking down the stairs.

“You’ll always be to me.” Taking the suit case from you, he pulls you into a hug “I missed you [Y/N]” he whispers in your ear.

“I missed you too” you whisper back, hugging him.

Sam takes your bag from your shoulder and pulls you apart from Dean to crush you to his side “Glad you’re back.” He releases you a little to look at you. “You’re staying longer this time, right?” he inquires.

“Definitely” you smile, pulling back from him. “Where is Cas?” you ask after looking around the room and not seeing the angel with the trench coat.

“I’m here” he appears in front of you, looking directly at yourself. “There’s something different about you [Y/N]” he notices, squinting his eyes while scanning you.

You smile nervously. “I can assure you Cas, the same old me I was when I left. I did cut my hair though, must be it!” you rush to say.

He shakes his head “Perhaps it is.” He gives you one more look then adds “Welcome home”

“Come on,” Dean says, passing his arm over your shoulders, “unpack and refresh yourself and we will be waiting for you in the kitchen.” Dean walks you till your bedroom door.

“See you in a few” you say, taking your suit case from him and dragging it inside.

Chapter Two: Confrontations >

#waiting for you #nalledimessi #mikaelson x winchester #elijah mikaelson x winchester sister #the originals #supernatural #elijah mikaelson #winchester!sister #winchester sister #pilot #elijah mikaelson series #elijah mikaelson x reader #elijah mikaelson fan fictions #dean winchester #sam winchester #rebekah mikaelson #always & forever

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snarkymonkeyprime · 3 years

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Oh hai; more of the sci fic weirdness that is eating my brain. No Dean here but maybe plot?

Given how little had resulted from the autopsy, Castiel went with the only lead he had; that of the former Councilwoman’s successor, Balthazar Severin. To his annoyance, the flamboyant civil servant was currently not in his offices nor at his home; he was instead traipsing about with donors and other hangers-on in an over-priced, gaudy ballroom in one of the grander buildings downtown.

He bit back an annoyed groan as he called out the address. The car’s communication screen flickered and announced pleasantly, “Please buckle up for safety,” before sliding into the fast-paced traffic of the early evening.

As he rode, Castiel pulled out his case tablet, flicking through the information he’d gathered. Rebecca Errol had been hounded by scandal in the last few terms of her Seat. Everything from purchased votes to greased palms over development deals. Little wonder why Severin had managed to be win by such a large gap. Not that Castiel saw much difference. The Council had long since been a localized but fully corrupt replacement of local governments. Only really shocking concept was that states continued to function at all.

A half hour later, he arrived at the ballroom. He left the car and it dinged as it sped away, searching for a parking space. Given it was Friday and relatively early, Castiel believed his car would simply end up circling until he called it back after his interview.

I hate the city, he admitted. He ignored the valet’s look of superiority and flashed his ID screen. The man’s face paled and he gestured rapidly.

At least some things still work. The wide entry to the ballroom was brightly lit and full. He didn’t stifle the look of disgust. All this opulence and for what? Ego stroking? The amount of money spilling from the crystal chandeliers and elaborate buffet tables would certainly be better served elsewhere. Not that he could voice such an opinion.

He asked about quietly, seeking the newest councilman. He found him rather by accident, talking with a tall brunet nearest the open bar.

Both men turned at the same time as Castiel stepped close.

“Councilman Severin? Might I have a word?”

Before the man could respond, the younger, taller one held out a hand. “I’m Sam, his attaché. You can make an appointment with his office in the morn-“

Castiel held up his ID screen. “It’ll take only a few minutes.”

Balthazar tapped Sam on the shoulder and inclined his head to the left when the man looked back. “I do so love it when he’s aggressive.” He grinned at Sam’s annoyed squint. “What, Agent Novak, might I do for you this fine evening?” He sipped his drink, pale eyes on Castiel’s.

Maybe I just hate people, Castiel grumbled. He pulled out his case tablet. “Last night, Rebecca Errol was murdered at her campaign headquarters.”

“So sad,” Balthazar muttered. He waved away Sam’s groan of protest.

“Might not be the best reaction,” Castiel pointed out, hiding his smile at Sam’s look of no shit he threw at Balthazar.

“You’d have a harder time finding someone who liked her over someone who didn’t,” Balthazar drawled. He shrugged. “In any event, I don’t know why you’re bothering me with this news.”

“Councilman Severin, you have to understand why I’d be asking.” Castiel fought back a yawn. He didn’t truly believe the man had anything to do with her death. Even the idea of hiring an outsider appeared laughable. Balthazar was many things but from what little Castiel knew of him, he was too lazy to engineer assassinations over something as small-time as a Council Seat.

“Please, call me Balthazar. You make me sound so old,” he wheedled.

“Fine. Balthazar. You’re an obvious suspect given your past in regards to Errol.”

Balthazar pulled a face. “Oh, yes; she and I were fond of our public tête-à-têtes, were we not?” He held his half-empty glass loose in be-ringed fingers. His gaze wandered the room, flickering about like a moth distracted by a wildfire. One could think him well beyond the intoxication of the socially-acceptable; but Castiel could see the pale blue eyes that roved were still sharp and clear.

Balthazar caught his look and smirked, before swallowing the last of his drink. “My condolences to my predecessor but you’ll no doubt find I have not been in her presence – or in fact, near her base of operations – in nearly a fortnight.” He didn’t lift his gaze from Castiel’s as he replaced his glass with a full one from a wandering waiter. He looked away then to peer at his drink, shifting it under the myriad lights of the ballroom. “In fact, I would believe she has been rather naughty these last few months.” He let the glass dangle from his fingers. “Perhaps those avenues are better traveled?”

Castiel ignored the question. “Have you ever actively hired Alters?”

Strangely, Balthazar glanced at Sam before answering. Any sly humor had tempered as he responded. “I don’t seek them out, no. I may have hired them in the past but not with any intent. Mods are rarely so useful to require purpose.” His flirty, drunken behavior vanished entirely. He stood straighter, glass forgotten in his hand.

The man was a chameleon. Castiel could see why he’d been able to win the election so handily, even with Errol throwing money at every corner. Balthazar appeared to be expert in behaving exactly as expected or desired, no matter the venue. But beneath that shifting exterior peeked a cunning awareness that Castiel found far more interesting.

“Why?” Balthazar asked, tone low.

“Her killer is thought to be one. He, uh, removed her mods.” She didn’t have many. One in her left ear for communicating with staff and cash card chips on the back of her right. He showed the crime scene, her right arm ending in a bloody stump and the left half of her head torn away, exposing bone and brain.

“Bloody hell,” Balthazar breathed, his face pale. That reaction alone was enough to convince Castiel that Balthazar had no hand in her death.

The other man took effort to tear his eyes from the photo. He cleared his throat and pushed Castiel’s tablet down and out of sight. “I may not have liked the woman but I never wished her dead.” He turned to Sam and leaned in, whispering low.

The other man frowned but nodded.

He turned back. “Why do you think an Alter is involved?”

Castiel flicked through his tablet, pulling up the same distorted image he’d shown the shop owner at Winchester Station earlier. “This. This was the last person seen around her compound before the morning when her body was found.”

Balthazar grimaced. “Unfortunate looking soul,” he muttered. He shook his head. “I am genuinely sorry she suffered like that, but I’m afraid I’ve nothing to offer.” He held out his empty hand. “Nor have I seen that man before.”

To Castiel’s surprise, Sam took the tablet from him, frowning at the image. “Do you think her mods had anything to do with it?”

“Not at present, no,” Castiel replied slowly. He retrieved the tablet. It was an avenue he was considering and found it interesting that a councilman’s attaché had clued in so quickly as well. Everything about the crime scene spoke of a serial killer with intent. This wasn’t an assassination. He’d taken his time with Errol. Careful and methodical. Though, his superiors were quick to indicate anything but. To them, the easiest and cleanest answer was a political argument turned bloody. Castiel feared it something more.

It resembled two other unsolved cases he had. In far too many ways. The grotesqueries. The destroyed mods. The time. He hadn’t exaggerated when speaking with the shop owner; he was certain this killer targeted Alters. And given Errol’s demise, apparently even ones with minor mods. Which meant more than half the population at this rate.

He eyed Sam, watching his reaction. “Do you have information?”

Sam blinked in surprise. “Er, no. Sorry. I just . . . her body getting damaged like that.” He drew his hand along his mouth and shuddered. He coughed and looked toward Balthazar who watched him carefully. “I’ll, uh, have flowers sent to her office in the morning, Councilman.”

Balthazar nodded, a slight smile on his lips. “So thoughtful, Samuel.”

Castiel turned off the case tablet and returned it to his coat pocket. “Chances are, it’s as you intimated; an enemy of hers. Possibly angry over her election loss.” He tugged on the collar of his coat. “I’d be more suspicious of you, Balthazar, if she’d died before votes were cast.”

Balthazar’s grin was cold. “Indeed.” He raised his eyebrows. “Well, if I’m no longer needed?”

Unwilling to consider the avenue closed, Castiel nodded. “For now.”

There was no missing the narrowing of pale eyes. “Do help yourself, Agent,” Balthazar purred, gesturing to the excess around them. “As a dutiful servant of the Council, you’re more than welcome.”

Castiel worked a hollow smile. “Thank you, but no. I’ve still plenty of work to do.” He touched two fingers to his temple in a false salute. “I’ll be sure to leave a message with your office when I’ve more to discuss.”

“Until then,” Balthazar murmured, raising his glass.

Castiel felt two pairs of eyes on his back until well out the ballroom’s false opulence. He glanced over his shoulder as he headed toward the street and noted both men were now huddled together, the taller one’s hands motioning quickly in agitation.

He frowned.

Something there. Something to pursue.

Outside, the cold musty air a boon compared to the stuffy confines off the ballroom, he tapped a code on his wrist. The medallion he wore there vibrated and quite quickly he heard the soft hum of his car as it approached.

He slid into the vehicle with a grunt and directed it to home. A fruitless day, in the end. He’d done little more than unearth new questions. He tapped a code into the console of his car, opening his private computer link.

“Yes?” The soft, male voice filled the cab of the car.

“Run a search on Winchester Station. I want to know who owns the building, who runs it, anything.”

“Yes, sir.” A click and the AI disconnected.

He rubbed his jaw, wondering why his instinct wouldn’t let him risk the public channels. Why only the ones provided by his old friend, Gabriel. Paranoid, maybe? Yet, some quiet part of him knew it a wrong turn to use the Department’s servers. Given their insistence on this being an assassination and Castiel knowing it spoke of worse, he figured he may as well give in. For now, at least.

He sighed and ground his knuckles into his eyes. “I’m turning into him, probably,” he muttered.

Thinking of Gabriel reminded him that he owed his friend a visit. Maybe Gabriel had heard something. Or knew who might have performed the killer’s mods.

Or knows who performed the shop owner’s. He sat back in his seat, eyes unfocused as street lights and head lights turned into streaks of brilliant white and gold. Something very strange there. Mods so well hidden were expensive. And if that were true, why would someone with that kind of financial access work in a backwater repair store like that?

He sighed and shut his eyes, settling in for the long drive home.

“What I wouldn’t give for an ordinary murder.”

#destiel #destiel!au #supernatural #supernatural!au #deancas #deancas!au #altered states #sci fi #i do wish more people were interested #i'm glad there a handful of folks who appear to care #such is life i suppose

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wayward-mikaelson · 4 years

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Centuries--Four

Word Count: 2715

Pairing: None

Characters: Reader, Dean, Cas, Sam, Hezekiah, Maggie,

Summary: Cas and Reader see the flashback of the Reader killing Maggie and also learn that the Reader was working with Hezekiah to bring Michael back. Having the knowledge that only the angel she worked with can help her, she leaves the bunker without the boys.

Disclaimer: Language, Panic Attack, Lying, Blood and Gore, Character Death

A/N: So sorry this one is out late. It’s been crazy busy at home and I wanted this to be perfect.

A/N 2: Tell me what you think!!!! I love hearing what you all think

A/N 3: Tag all your spn accounts so they can check this out!

Forever Tag List: @donnaintx @myinconnelly1 @magssteenkamp @hobby27 @elansaidaris @440mxs-wife

Dean/Jensen Tag List: @sandlee44 @squirrelnotsam @akshi8278

*18+ CONTENT. ANYONE YOUNGER THAN 18 WILL NEED TO MOVE ALONG. I DO NOT WANT TO RISK MY PAGE AND WORK GETTING THANOSED.

**PLEASE DO NOT COPY AND PASTE MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND WITHOUT GIVING ME THE PROPER CREDITS. REBLOGS AND SHARING THE LINKS ARE OKAY.

***THIS WORK IS ALSO POSTED ON IG, WATTPAD, AND AO3 PLEASE GO SHOW IT SOME LOVE THERE AS WELL.

FLASHBACK

I walk out of the cabin while cursing Hezekiah. He didn't want to do anything to get his self righteous of an angel ass hands dirty. So he sends me to his bidding. Something that I'm happy to do if it meant seeing 'him' again. Other times I'm not so up to it. Not many people know I'm alive so I try and make my outing short and brief. I've contemplated dying my hair but never really gotten around to it since most of my errands end with me covered in blood or a nearly broken bone.

I toss my bag into the back of the car and get into the drivers seat and start my trip from Texas to Kansas. I don't make too many stops unless it's for food or to quickly use the restroom. This is going to be one of the trickiest errands I've had. Hezekiah needs something from Lebanon. From the bunker. I know that bunker like the back of my hand and knew where there were secret passage ways that led to rooms and such. As long as they weren't there, everything will go smoothly. If they were there, well, I'm going have to cross that bridge when I get there.

I park in a well hidden spot away from the Bunker and head there on foot. Part of me wants to run into them and see what they have been up to. Maybe he has moved on. Maybe there is a new woman in his life that can make him smile the way I used to do. The other part of me doesn't want to run in to them because I know it will complicate the thing I'm doing with Hezekiah. If he has moved on, it certianly will complicate things with the other woman.

"Focus," I tell myself. "Your only mission is to get the blood and get out."

I hear a twig snap in the distance and it raises the hairs on my back of my neck. I slowly draw my small blade and turn around. There isn't anyone. Must have been a deer. I turn back around and there she is. Standing there and making my job a little less complicated. I slowly put my blade away and approach her.

"YN?" The look on her face is disbelief. Her eyes look me over a millions times before I get a foot away from her. "Is it really you?" The smile on her face pulls at my heart strings. I thought I could do this job but, I don't think I can. "Oh...my...fucking...God! It is you! Everyone will be so happy!" She throws her arms around me and hugs me tight. I return the hug as well. I miss her terribly.

"Maggie," I say her name and feel the heart strings pull harder. I almost just say screw this thing Hezekiah has going on but, I dont. "You can't tell anyone." I pull away from her.

"Why not?" Maggie asks looking confused. "Dean has been miserable without you and Sam," Her voice breaks a bit. "He's broken up seeing his brother like this. He stays up all night most nights making sure Dean doesn't just off himself."

I feel the tears start to form in the corner of my eyes. I hold them back though. I can't let her see that this effects me. I can't let her see that I miss him with everything in me but he wouldn't understand this. He wouldn't understand that I also need to see someone else.

I lick my lips and sit against the nearest tree. Maggie follows me. Part of me wants to scream for her run because of what I need to do. But again, I don't. "Did you and Sam ever hook up?" I ask her. I need to change the subject away from him.

Maggie blushes a bit. "We've talked about going out but, ever since we burned your body..."Her voice trails off. "There has never been a perfect time. I mean he's kissed me a few times but that's about it." Good, I think. That's really good but, also so very terribly sad. "What have you been up to and when the hell did you get back?"

"Some months ago," I smile a little. My hidden hand fumbles with the blade at my side. I need to make this quick. "I'm working on brining Michael back."

"What?" Maggie exclaims. "Why would you do that? He needs to stay in that crystal at the bottom of the ocean!"

With one quick, swift, and fluid movement, I slash her throat with my blade. "Because I need to and you're apart of what we need to bring him back. Blood from his world."

I watch as Maggie holds her throat, trying to keep the blood from spilling out. But the would is too deep, the blood seeps between her fingers. I take my camel back and open it and shove her bloody hand aside. I let as much blood spill into the bag as I can. I see the look in her eyes. Surprise and betrayal linger. She's gasping for air and as she does more blood spills out and down her neck and into her shirt.

When I'm satisfied with what I need and gently lay her down on the ground. I sit with her as she struggles to breath. Struggles to talk even. The light in her eyes start to fade. Her breathing slows and she stops talking. She's dead a few minutes later and I let a few tears fall. I lean over and close her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I needed to do this and I couldn't let you live."

I get up and angrily pull out my phone. I hit send on Hezekiah's number and it goes straight to voicemail. Damn self righteous, feathered ass dick needs to pick up the phone when I call. "I got your fucking blood, you asshole," I angrily say into the phone. "I hope your pompous dickless ass is satisfied." I hang up and shove the phone back into my pocket.

END OF FLASHBACK

I gasp for air once I am able to focus on everything in the room around me. I see Dean lean up off the door. Worry takes over his face. I feel Cas's hand slowly move from the sides of my head. I'm sure surprise is on his. My breathing is picking up and my body is cold and shivering. So many questions are running through my head right now but I need to process what the fuck I had just seen. What I did. Sam is never going to forgive me. Sam is most likely going to want to kill me if or when he finds out that it was me that killed Maggie. Actually there is no 'if' he finds out, it's only a matter of when he finds out.

"Untie me," I barely get out and yank at the binds that held me to the chair. Dean is moving but for some reason he's moving slow. "Fucking untie me, damn it." I scream and thrash around in the chair. Deans soothing words echo in the room as he quickly unties me. The binds come undone and I get up and sink against the nearest wall. I hug my legs to my chest and squeeze my eyes shut. My heart is beating hard in my chest. The tears are flowing

"What the hell happened?" Dean asks Cas. I can hear the worry in his voice "Did we get the answer we need?

"Yes," I hear Cas say. He sounds like he's catching his breath too. That must have taken a lot of energy. "And then some."

"So, tell me what happened," Dean demands. More from Cas than me.

I open my eyes and see Dean is kneeling next to me, staring at Cas who is also trying to process what had happened. What I did. Cas looks back at me and I have that 'oh shit' moment again. I take a deep breath and take Deans hand in mine.

"Dean," I say swallowing hard. He looks at me. The worry that he wears on his face makes me not want to tell him what happened. But I need to. I hold his hand tighter. "I killed Maggie. I killed her to bring Michael back."

I feel Dean slowly pull his hand away. I know it's not at the news of me telling him that I was the one who killed Maggie. It's at the news of brining Michael back. Dean knows about the connection Michael and I had. He knew of the dream like sex Michael and I had. This must feel like an absolute betrayal to him and I don't blame him for feeling that way.

"Cas," Deans voice is almost a whisper when he speaks. "Are you able to go back in? Tear down the wall so we can know more?"

"No," Cas says. "My energy was nearly drained. Something was pushing me back. And no I cannot tear down the wall. It is an angelic wall of protection used to keep things out once a traumatic even happens. So maybe when YN woke up covered in blood the other day. The angel that put it there has to be the one to remove it."

"Then we find that angel," Dean stands up and starts to walk out the room. "That wall needs to come down so we can know more about if Michael is back." He turns back to me. I see some hurt in his eyes and I hate myself for it. What other horrible things have I done?

"I'm sorry," I choke out.

"I know," Dean looks away from me. My heart hurts even more but, I brought this upon myself. "No one speaks a word of this to Sam. He can't know about this yet." Dean leaves the room leaving me with Cas.

Cas walks over to me and helps me to my feet. "Michael is a huge sore spot for Dean. It is a part of his life that he wants to erase. So hearing that he could or is back...just give him some space."

"So it has nothing to do with the mark or the dream sex?" I ask wiping my face of tears.

Cas shakes his head. "Dean knows that Michael only used you as a pawn in his plan."

I fake a smile. "Okay."

The rest of the day is slow. I spent more time in my room that I wanted. Dean doesn't ignore me at all. He checks in on me and makes sure I'm doing okay. He makes sure I have water or soda or even a strong drink at hand and some food to eat. This eases my mind some. Dean even tells me that he isn't mad about my past with Michael. Just that we have to deal with him again.

The real reason why I'm in my room is that Sam is back at the bunker and every time I saw his face before retreating into my room, I saw Maggies happy face when she talked about Sam and then I would see her lifeless face. The blood that slowly flowed from her neck. I knew that I couldn't face Sam without him knowing the truth.

"So when should we go after this spineless dick?" Dean says in my doorway. He's holding a six pack and a box of pizza. He looks so attractive right now. Any girls dream come true. I remember first meeting him, he was the kind to have multiple one night stands. Then slowly those stopped and eventually he somehow started to chase me and I guess death wouldn't stop that.

"I honestly don't know," I pat the spot next to on my bed and Dean waltz on in. Its a lie and I don't want him knowing I already have a plan in place. Dean cracks open two beers and hands me one while I get myself a slice of pizza. "The more I want to know what else I've done the more I'm scared as hell to find out." Now thats the truth. I want to know but freaked the fuck out that I could have killed another human to bring Michael back.

"Whatever we plan," Dean takes my hand and kisses it. For someone who claims he hates the romance part of relationships he does that part really well. "We are in this together."

"Together," I repeat.

After a few old crappy movies, Dean is out. His soft snores tell me he's already in a deep sleep. I pick up the beer bottles and pizza box and stuff them in the kitchen trash. I make my way back to the room and stare at Dean sleeping there in my bed. I could lay next to him for another hour but I know I will pass out and I wouldn't have another opportunity like this again.

Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, I pull out a duffle bag and start to shove clothes and stuff into the bag. I sneak to Deans room and throw a few guns in another bag. I head back to my room and leave a small note for Dean propped up on a glass of water. I lean towards him and kiss his forehead. I hate to do this and it kills me but, I need to do this. To protect Dean.

I make my way towards the kitchen again and grab a random set of keys to the many cars in the bunker. Just as I was about to walk into the bunker garage, I run right into Sam.

"Hey there," Sam steadies me. "Dean says you haven't been feeling good." Then he notices the bags I carry. "You're leaving?"

I scoot pass Sam without making any kind of eye contact with him. I can't look him in the eyes knowing what I did. "I have a lead on how to get my memories back. I'm going to check it out."

"By yourself?" Sam asks. "Dean told me that Cas tried to access your memories but you have a very strong wall up. Only the angel who put it there will be able to take it down."

I decide to turn around and look at Sam. He doesn't know and he looks at peace right now. "I have to." I adjust the bags on my shoulders as they are starting to feel heavy. "It deals with Michael and I don't want Dean to be apart of this because of Michael. We don't know if his body will get hijacked again." Thats a lie, I remember that dream I had on the way to the bunker where there was vessel like thing in the room with a dreaded hair man. Maybe that's Hezekiah.

"Well let me come with you," Sam suggets.

"No," I quickly say. "You can't. You have to stay here."

Sam stares at me. I can tell that he's trying to figure out what's going on. I can see the red flags that he sees. "Something happened that Dean doesn't want me to know, is that right? I can tell in your eyes that you're freaked out."

I lick my lips. "A memory he doesn't want you knowing about just yet."

"What is it?" Sam asks firmly.

I take a deep breath. Dean is going to super pissed at when he finds out that I told his baby brother. Swallowing deeply I say, "The memory that Cas was able to pull out from me was me killing Maggie."

As if it were in slow motion, I see Sams face fall. I watch the color drain from his face. Sadness, pain and anger replace whatever emotions he had on before. He just stares at me and I see a small tear from his eyes. All I want to do is hug him and tell him how sorry I am. But I know nothing i do will be able to make him feel better.

I quickly turn on my heel and rush to the garage. I throw my bag into the car whose key I chose and was on the road in less than ten minutes. A minute later my phone rings. I look at it and see that it's Dean calling.

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deansmyapplepie · 4 years

Text

A Drink With a Friend

Pairing: none

Tags: dead!reader, grieving, sad!Dean, sad!Sam, bittersweet

Word Count: 1,004

(Gif not mine)

Never before had the Impala been so quiet. Of course, it wasn't unusual for it to be silent during a drive, so Dean could focus on the road, and Sam could work on whatever he was doing. But the quiet had never been quite so... deafening. Sam wanted to say something - anything - to fill the space just like she would have, but he knew his brother wasn't in the mood for talking. And quite honestly? Neither was he. The smell of charred wood and smoke tainted their clothes, and they could both still see the flames in their minds. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't fair. But life wasn't fair. All they could do was keep going forward and move on.

When the eldest Winchester let out a heavy sniff, his brother tossed a glance his way. Dean wasn't crying it, but he was fighting it, that was for damn sure. Apparently, Sam wasn't the only one affected by the silence. It was then that he realized that Dean wasn't on the right road to get back to the bunker, and he looked around with a start.

"Where are we going?" Even though he tried his best not to disturb the silence when he asked, saying anything still felt wrong.

"I'm not ready to go back just yet," Dean answered. Sam nodded. He wasn't either. He didn't want to go back home and find her room empty. Knickknacks on the shelf above her bed would never be appreciated again; clothes neatly folded in the dresser drawers she would never wear. A few minutes later, Dean brought the Impala to a stop on the outskirts of a field in the middle of nowhere. Before Sam could even ask, "where are we?" his brother was out of the car and rummaging around for something in the back.

"You comin'?" A bit confused, the younger Winchester unbuckled his seatbelt and followed suit. He had assumed that they would spend the next hour or two driving around, but it seemed that wasn't the case. Dean was leaning against the trunk of the car, a small cooler perched precariously on top, and in his hand, a bottle of beer. It was only when he held another one out to Sam that he finally understood.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he questioned hesitantly. "We still have to drive back." Dean shook his head lightly.

"I'm only having the one," he reassured. "'Sides, this is for her." The two boys popped the caps off with satisfaction and took a deep swig.

Dean knew it wasn't a good idea to drown his sorrows in booze. He had done it several times before, and it never turned out well. So, this time, he wasn't going to. For Y/N. She deserved that much. Hell, she deserved way more than that. Hunting wasn't an easy job. No matter how simple the case, it was always dangerous, and it always required putting everything on the line. Y/N knew that, but every single time, she was willing to risk her life anyway. When it came to her hunting skills, she could sometimes outrank Sam and Dean, but even she couldn't escape death. Death came for everyone in the bitter end, and Y/N wasn't any different.

"Listen," she had once said. "When I die-" That had been enough to make the brothers practically choke on their dinner. She had always made a point of talking about death like she wasn't afraid of it. She had always been so funny in that way. The conversation had been years ago, and so out of the blue, but neither Sam nor Dean would ever forget her frown when they asked her not to talk about that, or what she said next. "I'm serious! This is important, and I want you to listen to me." The Winchesters had gone silent, shifted uneasily in their chairs before she finally continued. "Don't waste your thoughts, wondering if you could've done something different." Sam's throat grew tight at the memory. "Whatever happens happens. And if you try to bring me back by selling your soul or some stupid shit like that-" The fiercely determined glint in her eyes made Dean laugh. "I will literally kill you way before some fucking hellhound can." Then, her eyes had softened. "You two are my family. And I don't regret a single thing. So, when it happens, do me a favor." That bright smile she gave them was forever seared into their memories, and it made their hearts ache with the bittersweetness of it all. "Have a beer for me."

Wordlessly, Sam retrieved one more beer from the cooler and set it on the trunk, unopened. This was the hardest part. The traditional hunter's funeral had been much easier in comparison. The thing was, Sam and Dean had done that before. They had burned some of the people closest to them and watched them turn to ash. But this was new. Honoring their best friend's wishes by having a drink like she was here. They knew she would never intend for it to be this way, but it was almost like some kind of cruel joke. Still, a promise was a promise. So, they swallowed their pain and heartbreak of losing another friend. Sam released a long, shuddering breath as he looked up at the stars. Crickets chirped softly in the peaceful darkness. The only thing that gave either Winchester peace was knowing that she would've loved this.

The soft clink of glass caught the youngest Winchester's attention. He turned his gaze down to see his older brother holding the neck of his bottle against Y/N's, eyes swimming with tears that he refused to shed.

"To Y/N." Dean's voice came out a bit choked, but still, he fought past it. Sam gave a watery smile as he cleared the emotion from his throat, nodding. The sound of glass clinked again as he tapped his bottle to the other two.

"To Y/N."

Thanks so much for reading!

As always, links to my masterlist, taglist, and inbox (requests are open!) are in my inbox :)

My Everythings:

@cole-winchester @alexwinchester23 @1-am-made-of-stardust @thorukindig @fiftyshadesoffandom6783 @hobby27 @supernaturalenchanted @organicpurplepants @odysseyofasiren @defenderrosetyler @crystal-lilac @youshrimpdickfucknugget

#Supernatural #fanfiction #Supernatural fanfiction #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #reader #female reader #original female character #reader!death #dead!reader #grieving #sad!Dean #sad!Sam #bittersweet

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bippityboppitybibuck · 4 years

Text

Scarred Bark, Broken Heart

15x18 coda/alternate ending of sorts || WC 2580, also read on AO3 here

MCD, depressed Dean, (Tree!Cas ???), brief mention of suicidal tendencies, open but hopeful ending, part one of a two part series, Canon divergence

Dean doesn't know what made him decide on the tree. They didn’t have a body to burn, not this time. They didn’t have a six-foot hole to dig and he felt odd putting a marker over unmarred earth. So when he stumbled upon a tree in the woods surrounding the bunker, one with a beehive tucked nine feet up he didn’t even realize he had popped out his pocket knife and started carving until the first three letters were written in the wet bark.

His throat burned as he worked. The same knife sliced skin wide so that protection could be painted onto a door that was never going to hold. Cas was always ready to bleed for him, always ready to do whatever he needed to keep him safe.

Tears threatened to ruin his work by blocking his field of view but each time he tilted his head to the sky and tried to breathe through it.

The squared-off letters seem to mock him once he finishes, if Cas’d been here the letters would have been beautiful, a burst of power and it could have been script etched into the wood. Instead, it's his blocky ugly writing.

Something hideous rears its head in his chest, and staring at the letters, staring at the name. He always deserved more than Dean could give him, than this world could give him. He deserves more than a scar in some bark in a forest hardly anyone treks into. He deserves more than to die without knowing��to die thinking he wasn’t loved.

Dean doesn't look to the sky as his eyes fill again. Sam always said he needed to let himself feel. That ignoring your trauma isn't the same as dealing with it. But he worries that if he gives into it fully he’ll never resurface. Drowned in his own mind with the pain and regret, the fear and the sadness that washes in like the tide when his guard drops.

So he doesn’t let himself sink, he treads as best he can, hearing Bobby’s gruff voice in his head just like when he was a kid, ‘keep your ears above water son, that’s the only way to make sure you stay alive out there’, it’s like Bobby knew exactly why he needed that information. Like he knew it wasn't about swimming.

He’s not sure how long he spends looking at the carving, or when the wind picks up and shakes shivers through his body. He’s not sure when the tears dry and the wracking sobs take over.

Cas looked at peace when it came for him, and it ruins him to know that. To know that loving him brought him to the one moment of true happiness. Loving a worthless, broken, fucked up killer—no. No, Cas said he wasn’t a killer, he wasn’t a monster or a tool to be used and thrown aside, and yet he killed another hadn’t he? Killed him by doing nothing at all because that's what happens, that’s his legacy, people get close to him and they get killed. They always get killed.

Dean’s not sure when he heads inside again, or how he finds himself at the tree almost every day, week in and week out.

For the longest time he can do nothing but look, words that fight to break free, stay trapped behind the years of burying what he always felt, stay tapped behind the last dam he has standing in his soul the soul Cas saved—a good lot that did. He knows the dam won’t hold forever and all he can do is imagine the damage when it does finally break.

He doesn't always go alone either. Sam takes trips to the tree by himself sometimes but mostly he goes when Dean does. Jack trails after him every once in a while too but they usually let him go alone.

The first snow of the season begins to fall as he stands at the tree, the beehive long since gone dormant, its occupants burrowing in for their months-long sleep. And God how Dean envies their ability to escape reality for longer than it takes to sleep off a hangover.

It’s early for the first snow, weeks too soon but the world has been colder since—well since.

It’s been a while since he last talked while he visited, the dam broke finally or rather the levels grew too high on one side and it began to leak. Still, back then he hadn’t said much of anything.

He tries to talk now, he tries to do the same as what he did at his father's grave all those years ago trapped in a djinn dream, trapped in a world that seemed so perfect until he peeled back its layers. Kinda just like the one he actually lived in.

“Ca-s,” his voice breaks before he manages to speak the single syllable. No one is around to notice though, no matter how much he wishes he was speaking to a person instead of an unfeeling unrelenting piece of wood. Still though, it's easier to talk when no one is there to hear it, he doesn't have to hold as much back.

“Cas, I-,” Dean lets out a rough hum as he collects himself. This speech is going to be different. He can feel it, the emotions within him seem to grow choppy, spilling over the dam wall more and more and he just knows that whatever happens, he won’t be returning to the bunker whole.

“I keep thinking, y’know, back to that night you walked into that barn in Illinois, you told me that good things do happen, and I mean it’s not like I expected you to, but you didn’t believe me when I told you that nothing good happens to me. I don’t know if in the time from then to no—I don’t know if you ever figured out that I was right or not but I think that the one good thing that happened to me was the worst thing to happen to me too.” Dean stares at his name, willing it to actually be him. The cold bites at his fingers and his nose. His toes grow cold in his boots but he doesn’t move to leave he barely even feels it anyways.

“When Chuck told us that you were the one who never listened,” he chokes out a broken laugh, “it honestly made perfect sense, you did always say that it was our story, that we were the thing that was real in a world of manufactured realities. And when he said it I swear it was like I was standing in that ratty kitchen, minutes before Lucifer rose, minutes before you di—died for the first time. And I thought as Chuck went on and on how maybe I wasn’t dreaming it up, maybe it wasn't Chuck’s doing, and I was going to try to talk to you about it, after a shit ton of booze mind you.” He’s quiet for a long time, the snow begins to blanket the space around him and he thinks about how he’ll never get to brush snow off of the lapel of Cas’ stupid trench coat.

Just the thought starts a domino effect, his mind rushing through everything he wanted and everything he’ll never get now and it’s so overwhelming it sends him to his knees. Of course, because he clearly will never be able to catch a break all it does is remind him of the last time they were in purgatory together, the fear and heartbreak that shook him to his core, the devastation of Cas brushing off what he wanted to say because fuck it was so much more than his prayer.

“You beat me to it though, and then—well we both know what happened next.” His fingers are ice when they wipe the tears from his eyes. They jolt him, a shock to his system.

“You never gave me a chance to respond, didn’t even give me a damn moment to process any of it. And you’re a selfish son of a bitch for that because that wasn’t fair, that wasn’t—. I needed you to stay, I needed you to hear it too. I won’t ever be able to stay mad at you because I never have been, not for any of the shit you pulled in the past. But that? That was a new low.” He sniffles from the cold or from his tears he doesn't know but he does it all the same.

“Y’know if you were here right now you’d tell me to go inside because humans catch colds so easily and you don’t know how fucking much I need to hear that now Cas.” His heart plummets in his chest again. He feels sick all over again so he clenches his jaw to keep from heading too far down that road.

“I remember the first time you got sick, god you were a nightmare the entire time and I dealt with Sam getting sick every year since I was old enough to open kids cold medicine,” Dean laughs thickly, tears lodged in his throat. The strain of holding it all back shreds at the muscle and it screams with every breath he manages to shake into his lungs.

“I remember everything Cas, all of it, every fight, every drink, every goddamn time we looked at each other. And yet I can’t recall a fucking thing because I thought I had more time. After everything we’d gone through, I still thought we would have more time. It's all broken and jumbled and set to static and I can’t handle it because it's crystal clear and as muddy as anything because I thought I’d be able to make more, replace what got muddled. I thought you had more time.”

He shuffles around and presses his back against the trunk of the tree. His ass is uncomfortable as hell what with the roots and the wet cold earth below him but his knees appreciate the switch.

“I’m having a hard time this time because a part of me thinks just like it did after the whole leviathan fiasco. I swear you’re going to come back, that this is all a mix-up, that if I wait just a little longer, hold on a little longer, put my gun down just one more night that you’ll be back. But it’s been weeks Cas and nothing’s changed. I wake up and I go to sleep in a world that doesn’t have you in it and I was always okay before because you were just there even if I didn’t have you like I wanted I still got to see you, watch you, lo—be with you. But now it’s all empty, and no matter how ironically appropriate that is given the dumbass move you made a year and a half ago, I’m hanging on by a thread man. And Sam doesn't know how to help, even with all his dead girlfriends as experience to draw from.” He’s quiet for a long time, chewing on his lip, flexing his fingers together as he just sits.

“He says I need to stop making jokes to cover it all up but that's all I know how to do. I mean you can’t mourn your mom if you have a baby brother to take care of so you joke. You can’t talk about what the internet says is PTSD because there are monsters to hunt and people to save so you joke. You can’t let yourself be vulnerable because that means death so you joke. You can't tell your best friend what you need to so you joke. You hide behind something safe because no one wants you to show what's really there.” Dean's mind is a mess right now, jumping from one point to another, skipping ahead and falling behind. He has so much he wants to say and it’s like he’s trying to say it all at once.

He can almost hear Cas’ voice admonishing him for thinking that he didn't have a support system, that he didn't have people who loved him and wanted him to be okay and it strips him raw. Because it’s only been a few months, how could he already be forgetting his voice, or which way he tilted his head when he didn’t understand some random human action, which foot he started with when he stood up from a chair, if he liked smooth or crunchy peanut butter better even if it was all molecules to him, what his arms felt like wrapped around him, how he sighed when Dean was being an idiot, what his smiles looked like as he sat at their kitchen table talking with Jack.

How was he already forgetting all of the little things that made him fall for the fallen angel, heaven's most loved, heaven's most corrupted.

His chest is cracked so wide every part of him falls inside, his very soul falls into the pit, tumbles down and down and down because there are a million things that he and Cas will never get to do but there are a billion things Cas will never do again.

Sure Cas’ll never learn to dance but he’ll never smile again. He’ll never have the chance to memorize the words to the songs Dean showed him but he’ll never feel the sun on his skin again. Or laugh or cry or sleep in late. He’s never going to make another milk run, be it a monster hunt or an actual milk run. He’ll never watch another bee documentary or hug his son again.

Cas lived hundreds of millions of years and yet there was so much he left unfinished, he’s been around for eons and yet he still died too soon.

It takes him a moment to remember that even if Cas had been around since the Cambrian explosion in reality he’d only experienced humanity for eleven years. And all of it was spent fighting, shouldn't he get a fucking chance to just live for a fucking second. Let himself relax, shake the weight off his shoulders, just be finally?

Dean turns and looks from his position at Cas' name, the angle is atrocious so he can barely see the etchings.

There are a billion things he’ll never do again, a million things he’ll never get to experience. And for someone who's given all that Cas has given to this world, that just won’t do.

“You told me love drove me, you said that I fought for everything because of love, that I taught you how to and fuck Cas I don’t know how that's possible. But I’ve fought for nearly forty years because of love and there's no way in hell I am stopping that now. I’m going to fight for you, I’ll fight Chuck for you, I’ll fight against the anger that still lives inside me and dammit I’ll fight to get you back because no fucking way am I losing you forever after that speech. If love drives me Cas then you, you…” Dean takes a deep breath. “Happiness is in just saying it, but I can’t tell a piece of wood, so I’ll wait until you are back, because I will get you back. I don’t care what it takes. You need to hear it, you deserve to hear it. You deserve to know.”

I’m working on a rewritten ending for Supernatural that is set after this little alt ending to 15x18 because the actual ending... left a lot to be desired. Turns out spite was in fact enough to get me writing again! So that’s good right??

#supernatural #destiel #my writing #15x18 coda

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fangirlxwritesx67 · 4 years

Text

A Great Dad

1000 words, no real pairing, Dean x off screen OFC Lana, mostly Sam and Dean Tags: pregnancy scare, no loss of baby fwiw AN: Look I know the “Winchester baby” fantasy. I get it. I really do. We all want them to be happy. But what if - they couldnt be.

***

Afterward, Sam was glad the news had come in a phone call. Dean's reaction was so immediate, so visceral, he couldn't imagine what it would've been like face to face.

"Fuck!" Dean shouted as the call ended. "Fuck, fuck, fuck-" he was gripping the phone like he could crush it in one hand.

Across the table in the library, Sam started. "What's wrong? Who is it? Jody, Donna, Jack?"

"Lana," was all he gritted out.

"Lana? But she's not even hunting. How could she-"

"She thinks she might be pregnant, Sam." Dean shook his head. "She told me she was on the pill but her period is late. Like really late. Enough for her to call and tell me."

"Well, I mean the pill is only 99% effective, somewhat less when you take into account human error, but-" Sam's words trailed off as his brother looked at him, green eyes wide and frightened.

What Dean needed now was not science but reassurance. Sam stood up and walked around the table to where his brother sat, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, you know, maybe it's time. You'd be a great dad."

Dean stood up, shoving his chair back so hard it hit the floor with a bang. He squared his shoulders as he whirled to face his younger brother.

"A dad? I'd be a great dad?!”

"Well, yeah, I mean, look at me." Sam tried to smile convincingly. "I mean, you practically raised me, and I turned out okay. Then there’s Ben, and Jack.”

"Because I had no choice, Sammy!" Dean slammed his fist onto the table. "Because you were there and you needed someone and I was the only option. Same with the others. Those kids needed a dad and I was there.

“But I swore to myself I would never, never bring a child into our fucked up world. I’ve seen so much loss, too many childless mothers, and motherless children. I couldn’t deal with myself if I added to that suffering.

"I would never-" Dean swallowed hard. "I couldn’t leave someone as defenseless as you were. I would never give myself the chance to fuck up another living being as bad as Dad fucked us up."

His eyes burned a hole right through Sam before he turned and stormed out of the room.

Dean was gone for almost an hour. When he returned, he looked drawn, resigned. Sam knew better than to ask, just poured two fingers of whiskey into both of the crystal glasses and pushed one across the table to Dean. He raised his brows in acknowledgement before slamming down the drink. He took the second one more slowly, and eventually began to talk.

“I called Lana back, Sammy, told her that I would support her no matter what. I don’t see how it would help anything to bring another tiny helpless human into the world, but it’s her body and her choice. “She took a test tonight and it was inconclusive but she’ll take another one tomorrow morning. No matter what, I’ll take responsibility and do my best.”

“Of course you will,” Sam replied softly.

Dean shook his head without looking at Sam. “I don’t know how I could possibly keep a child safe. In this life of ours, nothing is that easy. Maybe it’s selfish, maybe I just don’t care.”

“Or maybe you care too much.” Sam waited, but Dean never said more. He was still sitting at the table staring into his empty glass when Sam got up and went to bed.

The next morning, Sam followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen. Dean was making eggs and bacon, doing his best imitation of a man without a care in the world. Sam settled at the table as Dean returned with two plates. He ate his breakfast, but Dean only pushed his around. He downed cup after cup of coffee, checking his phone every couple of minutes.

Sam made a few half-hearted attempts at conversion, but it was clear Dean wasn’t in the mood. He settled into an ebook on his phone, not wanting to leave his older brother alone.

Dean’s phone vibrated with two incoming texts, one right after the other. He snatched it up and read quickly, then read again.

Sam watched his face go while but he didn’t speak, just turned the phone so Sam could see the messages.

The test this morning was negative. And then I started my period. Sorry for the scare. For what it’s worth, you would be a great dad.

Sam looked up at Dean, hoping to see a smile. But in place of the relief he expected, he saw loss.

“This is good, right, Dean?”

Dean barked out a short laugh. “Yeah, it’s good. World’s better off without another defenseless baby in it, especially a little Winchester. Besides, I’m certainly not parenting material.”

Dean scuffed a hand across his face, hard, but not quite quick enough to hide the tears.

“You thought about it, didn’t you? Imagined a life where this would be good news. You actually considered what it would be like to be a dad.”

Dean’s slow sad smile broke Sam’s heart. “Yeah but that’s not our life, now, is it Sammy? It’s just not meant to be. It’s for the best I’m not a father.”

Sam stood up and Dean rose to meet him. He put one hand on the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him close.

“For what it’s worth, Dean, you did more to raise me than either of our parents. You were a pretty fucking great big brother.”

It wasn’t enough, both of them knew it. But Dean let Sam wrap him in a hug. The words he murmured into his brother’s plaid shoulder might’ve been, “I guess that’s enough, Bitch.”

“Love you too, Jerk.”

#a great dad #winchester brothers

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my-proof-is-you · 5 years

Text

The Greatest Punishment - Ch. 6

Summary: You and Dean were happy together. The only thing that really frustrated you in your life was the hatred you felt from his brother. You didn’t even know what you had done to him. You just knew that he couldn’t stand you, and the feeling was mutual.

As events unfold, will all that change? You never know what can bring people together.

“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” -Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma

**I do not own any gifs or pics

Masterlist | Tag Yourself!

Song referenced: Drink You Gone by Ingrid Michaelson

After a few more days you were finally strong enough to take care of yourself. You hadn’t really gained any weight back as you only ate little bits at a time.

You hated to admit it, but you actually missed having Sam help you with everything. In fact, you had milked it a little longer than necessary. It was just nice to have human contact. Going those two weeks alone after Dean died had nearly killed you.

You and Sam still barely spoke, but you were spending more time together. You could tell that he was afraid that you would slip back into the deep depression and stop eating, so he always made sure to cook for both of you.

He spent a lot of time in the gun range, presumably working through his grief. You had yet to figure out anything to help you with that. You had tried to go to the gun range, but even something as small as picking up your gun reminded you of Dean. It reminded you of the days when Dean wanted to win you over, and he would come up behind you, pretending to adjust your stance as you shot. You knew it was just an excuse to wrap his arms around you. Holding the gun now just reminded you that the space behind you was empty.

You had a hard time understanding how Sam was functioning so well after Dean’s death. It took everything in you to even get out of bed in the morning, and yet Sam was pretty much back to his usual schedule. He had even gone on a hunt by himself.

During one dinner, you couldn’t take it anymore. You had to ask.

“How are you so okay?” You asked abruptly.

Sam sat the burger he was holding down on the plate and stared at you with confused eyes.

“What?” He asked finally.

“How are you so okay? You’ve been taking care of me, yourself—even hunting. I just...how?” You asked, at a loss.

He shook his head slowly. “Trust me, Y/N, I’m not okay,” he responded after a few moments. “My heart is broken. Those first two weeks—when we didn’t spend any time together—I was a mess. I was almost as bad as you, except I made sure to eat and drink.”

You watched him as he explained, still trying to understand how he got from there to here.

“Then one morning I was laying in bed and I allowed myself to think about him. I had been avoiding it, because it just hurt to bad. But when I did I realized that he would have kicked my ass if he could have seen me just then.”

He stopped for a moment, taking in your confused expression.

“Y/N, Dean would have killed me if I didn’t take care of you. Hell, he’s probably...wherever he is...thinking, “finally, you fucking idiot,” now that I’ve been helping you.”

You allowed yourself to smile a little at his imitation of Dean.

“And...I know I haven’t been the nicest to you in the past,” he began. You gave him an annoyed look. “Okay, I was a dick. But honestly, if we’re going to get through this, we need each other.”

You nodded your head slowly, still taking it all in.

“It’s what he would want. It’s what he did want,” Sam said.

You sighed. This was all fine and dandy, as long as Sam was nice to you. You had never even given him reason to be such a jerk before. But, he was right, and you knew it was what Dean wanted.

“Okay,” you said, picking up your burger and taking a big bite. Sam watched you for a few moments before returning to his own.

Wings fluttering made you look up from the book you were reading in your room to see Castiel standing near your door.

“Hey, Cas,” you said, knowing he wasn’t bringing any good news. Of course you had asked Cas to look into wherever Dean might be after he died. He had been searching for weeks and still hadn’t figured it out.

“Y/N,” he said with a nod. “How are you?”

“My heart feels like it was broken into a million pieces, and you?” You knew better than to waste pleasantries on Cas. He knew you weren’t okay.

“I’ve been better,” he said with a sigh. You knew that Dean’s death had taken a huge toll on Cas as well. He and Dean were almost as close and Dean and Sam were.

“Still no sign of him,” he said after a few moments.

“I figured,” you replied, looking back down at your book.

“I’m sorry.” He walked toward the bed and sat down at the foot, placing his hand on your crossed legs.

“Me too,” you said, looking up into his crystal blue eyes. Something about them put you a little more at ease.

“Cas, what about what Billie said? Do you have any idea what she meant?” You asked.

“How it’s ‘part of a bigger plan’?” He asked, remembering what you had told him. “No. Heaven doesn’t know what she was talking about, either. They didn’t have any orders for Dean to die.”

You frowned, disappointed. You didn’t blame Cas—you knew he was trying his hardest to get information.

“Y/N…” Cas began, hesitant. “Do you think that maybe it’s time for you to move on?”

“What?” You asked, already angry.

“I just...I don’t know that we’re going to find out what happened to Dean’s soul. Billie is an entity much more powerful than me, and unless she gives us information, there isn’t much we can do.”

You considered his words, your anger fading into sadness. You knew he was right. All of you had been trying to summon Billie and she refused to come.

“But Cas, how could I just give up?” You asked, tears flowing down your cheeks. “You know that Dean sure as hell wouldn’t give up if the situation were reversed.”

“I know, Y/N. But I also know that Dean would want you to be happy--want us to be happy--or at least try to find happiness.”

You sighed. It was the last thing you wanted to do, but you were miserable. It didn’t mean you had to forget Dean or stop loving him. It just meant you had to live your life.

“I think I need to get back to hunting. Or at least get out of this bunker.”

Cas stood up. “I know you’ll be okay,” he said. “And just call or pray if you need me.”

“Thanks, Cas,” you said, standing up. You hugged him, tight. You let go and he vanished with a fluttering of wings.

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

Sam was good with your idea to get out of the bunker. The two of you were going to a bar. You needed to unwind and get away from everything that reminded you of Dean.

You got ready to go, putting on “real” clothes for the first time in weeks. You put on your skinny jeans, wedge booties, and a flowing cold-shoulder shirt. You put on a little bit of makeup, keeping it fairly natural. You let your hair down and flowing over your shoulders.

You met Sam by the garage, and he looked you up and down.

“You look great, Y/N,” he said with a half-smile.

“Thanks. You look pretty good, too,” you returned. He was wearing his usual: jeans and a flannel.

The two of you got into one of the classic cars parked in the garage. It was an unspoken rule that you wouldn’t take the Impala.

When you arrived at the bar, you went in and Sam got you a table while you went to the bar. You knew alcohol would be needed, and not in short supply. You ordered two shots of tequila and four beers, bringing it all over to the table on a tray.

“Wow, you aren’t messing around,” Sam said when he saw it.

“Yep. Bottoms up,” you said, holding the shot up for a cheers. You clinked glasses and downed your shots, the liquid warm in your throat.

The two of you sat for a while just people watching. After a bit, Sam spoke.

“Hey, they have karaoke,” he said, pointing to the small stage where a middle-aged woman was singing Cher extremely off-key. “If I remember right, you have a pretty good voice.”

You looked at the woman, considering what Sam said. You knew you’d probably make a fool of yourself, but the alcohol made you feel more confident. Plus, you loved music. It had always had a way of letting you express your emotions in a constructive way.

You shrugged. “Alright,” you said, getting up. You flipped through the song choices in the binder next to the machine, surprised by the variety you found. The song you ended up picking was fairly new.

You knew that it was a bit of a risk, but you also knew that the lyrics reflected exactly how you felt.

You got up on the stage as the beginning chords started and closed your eyes.

You can't lie Words stay once said Hard to live, so I play dead

You kept your voice steady, focusing on the singing so you wouldn’t cry.

I can’t drink you gone

I can’t smoke you out

I can’t eat away the way that you ate my heart out

Like a sinking ship while the band plays on

When I dream, you’re there, I can’t even sleep you gone

With the next words you opened your eyes and looked at Sam, almost asking him the question you knew you were both struggling with.

How do broken hearts get strong?

Tell me, how do broken hearts get strong?

When you finished the chorus and the music continued, you looked around. The entire bar was silent, everyone watching you.

I still feel your hand in mine

Think I need much more than time

I remember when we used to say

Forever, babe

As you came to the last chorus, the music slowed down again.

I can’t drink you gone

I can’t smoke you out

I can’t eat away the way that you ate my heart out

Like a sinking ship while the band plays on

When I dream, you’re there, I can’t even sleep you gone

How do broken hearts get strong?

Tell me, how do broken hearts get strong?

Oh, how do broken hearts get strong?

Tell me, how do broken hearts go on?

As the song ended, you stood for a moment in the silence before applause broke out over the bar.

You walked back to the table and sat down. You looked up at Sam, who was staring at you. He had tears in his eyes.

“Y/N...that was...I can’t even...that was perfect.”

You let a tear escape one of your eyes as you looked at him. “Really?” You asked.

He reached over the table and wiped the tear off your cheek with the back of his index finger. “It was beautiful.”

You smiled a little. He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. As you looked at him, you knew that whatever animosity he felt toward you before was gone. You still didn’t understand why, but you didn’t question it in that moment. It was just nice to have someone there who understood what you were feeling.

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14 @divadinag @lynne1993 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @infj-slytherclaw @onethirstyunicorn @sammykb1994 @lilulo-12 @mellorine-paprika @tranquility-or-chaos @collette04 @differentstudentrunaway-e70bf763 @hoboal87 @bi-danvers0 @miraclesoflove @defenderrosetyler @babypink224221 @fabfan00

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squirrel-moose-winchester · 5 years

Text

Gone

Title: Gone

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1211

Summary: There’s a way to close all the rifts that’s been opened, as well as stop Michael from opening any more, once and for all.

Warning: Angst… just angst.

A/N: This was an idea that came to mind. It’s not really thought out, so it might not be that great, but I wanted to share it, so you’ll just have to take what I give. Haha. Also, I’ve just been in a real “Blah” mood lately, and writing has proven to be difficult. So this is a product of me trying to push my way through this funk I’m in and actually get some content out there. It may not be good, but at least I’m trying. Am I right? High five for trying to keep moving forwards! Regardless, I do hope you guys enjoy it. #AKF!

“The only way to close this rift and stop Michael from opening any others is from the other side, although, I’m afraid that it is not without great consequence,” Castiel stated, his crystal blue eyes holding enough weight for everyone to understand just what exactly he meant.

You, Dean, Sam, and Cass were deep in the woods, somewhere in Montana, where a rift had somehow been opened. Luckily, Jack was able to sense and locate it. How he did it? Not even Jack knew, but if it meant a door was opening, then they had to close it – immediately. And with endless research, they were able to find a possible way to close all the rifts as well as prevent any other chances Michael had of opening another one.

“Whoever it is isn’t coming back.” Dean finished, his jaw clenching. His eyes fell on Cass, Sam, and then you. There was no way in hell he was going to let any of you go in there. Not if he can do something about it.

“Yes,” Castiel confirmed. “Which is why I will do it.”

“Like hell you will. You’re not going in there Cass!”

“Since I am an Angel, the chances of my survival is much higher than any human,” he tried to reason.

“You saw what happened to Crowley! Cass, we just got you back! Besides, we need you with Jack,” Dean reasoned. “Where you should be right now. You should be at the bunker helping him with controlling his powers.”

“Cass, Dean is right,” You joined.

Sam looked to Dean then to Cass. “I’ll do—”

“Sammy, you finish that sentence and I will knock you out cold, and drag your mammoth ass back to the bunker myself, you understand me? No one is doing it! Not until we talk this through!”

“Dean, there isn’t enough time. If we don’t close the riff, Michael and his army will come through, and the world as we know it will face another apocalypse. And I’m afraid, by the looks of what happened in their universe, we won’t stand a chance,” the angel warned.

“All I need is a few minutes to think! Just a fucking minute!” Dean snapped, his chest heaving with a combination of emotions and difficult decisions.

“Guys, do you mind giving me and Dean a few seconds?” you sent a small smile to your other two companions.

Sam and Cass nodded their heads. “Make it quick, we don’t have much time. The rift will close soon,” Castiel announced, before he and Sam made their way over to fallen tree log a couple of yards away to give you and Dean some privacy. You watched as Sam and Cass plopped down on the log and begin talking. Once you were sure the two of you wouldn’t be heard, you stepped closer to Dean, taking hold of his hands.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to try and volunteer yourself…” he grumbled, “because you already know my answer.

“I know Dean, I know,” you smiled. “And I know what you’re thinking as well. We all do. Dean… you’re thinking of going in there aren’t you?” You knew Dean. You knew him better than anyone, but it was in his character to always sacrifice himself. There was no doubt in your mind that Sam and Castiel knew that Dean would demand it be him to close the portal. To trap himself in that apocalyptic hell hole.

“It’s the only way. I need all of you safe. Cass, he’s my best friend, and the only person that Jack trusts right now, and Sammy…” his voice cracked.

“Hey, I know. Sam’s your brother, and you’d do anything for him. All your life you’ve been protecting him. This time wouldn’t be any different. I get it, Dean. I do. But if you’re sure about this… then…” your own voice began to break, tears slipping down your cheeks. “The world needs you Dean. The world needs both Winchesters. Without you around, I don’t know how the world will even move on.”

“Don’t worry. I’m going to go in there and some how and some way, I’m going to make it back. I promise. I am a Winchester after all,” he smiled, looking down at you with gentle, yet mournful, adoration.

“I know you’ll try everything you got,” you smiled, willing yourself to be brave in this crucial moment. You were about to lose the man that you loved, most likely permanently. Sacrifice one life in order to save many. That’s what Dean and the others were thinking, including you. It was the only option you guys had, and the rift was going to close soon.

“But I need you to promise me something…” Dean trailed off, taking a deep and shaky breath.

“What?” You prompted him to continue.

“If I don’t make it back, promise me to take care of Sam. Promise me you’ll move on. Promise me that one day you get out of the life, meet a good man, and start a family. Promise me you’ll find happiness and that you’ll be happy… and one last thing… don’t ever forget me.”

Your eyes were locked with his deep emerald ones, trying to absorb all that you could to remember him. Every crease, ever freckle, and how his stubble around his jaw made him look so ruggedly handsome.

“I love you Dean,” you told him. You’ve said those three words so many times, despite him not reciprocating, but that didn’t matter to you. He made up for it by his actions. So when he said it back to you for the first time ever, you felt your heart breaking into a million pieces.

Getting on your tippy toes, you pressed your lips against his, making sure to remember the feel of how his lips molded perfectly with yours. If this was going to be goodbye, then you were going to give the kiss all you got.

While in the middle of the kiss you and Dean were sharing, you opened your eyes slightly, just in time to notice Sam and Castiel standing up from where they were sitting. You knew your time with Dean had to end, and that the rift was going to close any minute. It was going to be now or never, so without warning, you shoved Dean as hard as you could. His eyes shot wide open as he felt himself fall backwards, catching a glimpse of the sad smile on your face, before you turned and ran towards the rift. Dean screamed your name while Sam and Castiel broke into a sprint after you.

Dean crashed onto the ground but managed to get back on his feet before Sam or Cass could pass him. He ran like hell after you, reaching out his hand, his finger tips barely grazing your skin and suddenly you were gone, and he was crashing face first into the damp earth.

“No. No, no, no NO!” Dean shouted, frantically looking around him. “No, Y/N!” He screamed, Sam and Cass too stunned to do anything. They couldn’t believe it either.

“Dean…” Sam’s voice was low, softer than a whisper.

“NO! Y/N! Y/N!” Dean continued to call out your name, but it was useless.

You were gone.

Like it? Reblog it, leave some feedback! It would be most appreciated! xx

Say Something Nice Here

#dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean #reader insert #dean winchester oneshot #dean oneshot #dean fanficiton #dean winchester fanfiction #dean fanfic #dean winchester fanfic #spn #supernatural #spn dean winchester #supernatural dean winchester #dean winchester angst #dean angst #Gone #squirrel-moose-winchester

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abbyilr1967 · 5 years

Text

Calling For You - Part 2

Summary: When Dean is given the mark, you didn’t think things could get any worse. That is until the love of your life dies, and his body vanishes. Y/n will do anything and everything to get him back, even if that means she gets hurt.

Pairings: Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader (platonic).

Warnings: Swearing, Blood, torture, PTSD Dean, Angst, Sadness, Dark Reader.

It had taken you all of twenty minutes to get out of those shackles, but now you have to find your way out of the dungeon. Sam was long gone by now, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t help him. Wandering around the dungeon, which is lined from wall to wall with funky gadgets that the men of letters used to conduct their supernatural experiments.

The door to the dungeon was metal, so you couldn’t kick it down, still scanning the room you come across a crowbar. Picking up the crowbar you feel it had a good amount of weight to it, and shove it into the seam where the door meets the frame. You push a pull for what feels like hours, and it doesn’t budge. Throwing the crowbar to the ground with a loud clunk, silence fills the room. All you can hear is the sound of your labored breaths, and the flutter of wings flapping.

You lift your head and are met with the crystal blue eyes of Castiel.

“How’d you get in here?” you ask annoyedly, throwing your head back down in defeat.

“Sam and Dean removed some of the angel wardings for me,” he says. “Sam told me to bring you some food,”

You lift your head back up.

“You know where Sam is?” you ask eagerly.

“Ye-” Cas is cut off by you jumping to your feet and shaking his shoulders.

“You need to take me to him now!” you plead. “Cas you have to, I need to help him, please Cas!”

“Y/n Sam told not t-” he stops when you grab him by the face, so he's looking directly at you.

“Cas… Look at me, in my eyes.” you start. “I need to get him back, and I will do anything it takes… even if it means getting hurt.”

Cas studies your face for a minute, he can see the pain in your eyes.

“Fine,” he grumbles and you are both zapped into a dirty motel room.

“Jesus Cas ...Y/n.” Same says shocked. “Cas I thought we had a deal.”

“Don’t you blame Cas for any of this, it wasn’t his fault you locked me in the dungeon,” you say smugly

“Y/n, you shouldn’t be here, you could get hurt,” Sam says.

“Sam I hunt with you every day, and this is Dean we’re talking about, Sam I love him and I can’t sleep knowing I didn’t do anything to find him,’ you say.

Sam sighs, “Y/n I found Dean,” he says

“W-w-what?” you whisper. “Where is he, why is he not with you?!” you shout.

“Because he’s a demon.” You look at Sam, wide-eyed. “Crowley called me to tell me he was with him,” Sam says. “I’m going to meet him now,”

“Sam you have to take me with you, I need to see him,” You say sternly.

“Y/n you re-”

“I’m not taking no for an answer Sam, I’m going” you stood your ground.

Sam looked back and forth from you to Cas, before he let out a defeated breath.

“Fine, but you need to stay behind Cas and me, and listen to me when I ask you to do something,”

“I will Sam,” you reply. You can see the pain behind his eyes too, and you forget that you are both experiencing a million emotions at once and that he loves Dean just as much as you do.

You, Sam and Cas climb into the impala, seeing Sam in the driver’s seat gives you a weird feeling in your chest, like it doesn’t feel right. But you push that feeling down because it’s just your anxiety getting to you. The whole car ride to the bar you had been preparing yourself for what you might see, you didn’t know what to expect. You were pulled back to reality when you heard sam turn off the engine

“Ready?” he asks.

“Yeah, I think so,” You reply.

Cas and Sam both have their weapons ready in case of an attack, you had a gun in the glove box but didn’t think to grab it, almost as if your body was in autopilot. One foot moving in front of the other as the three of you head towards the door or the sleazy bar. The minute you step in your ears are greeted with the sound of bad karaoke music. It takes you a minute before you realize the voice singing along with the music.

Dean

Your eyes start frantically looking around for the stage, your heart thumping in your chest. You can hear Sam calling after you, but you ignore him. Running between a large crowd of people you find yourself at the foot of the stage, staring into the vibrant green eyes you’ve missed so much. That’s when he notices you, and his lips tug into a smirk.

When his song finishes he hops off the stage and makes his way back to the bar and orders a drink. You start to march your way over to him when Sam steps in front of you to block any unexpected threats. Dean turns and sees the three of you walking towards him.

“Ugh, are gonna try to drag me home,” he grunts. “Cuz your a little late, Crowley already tried that shit and it didn’t work on me,”

“Dean, let us help you,” Sam says calmly. “We can fix this,” you chime in.

“I like the new me baby, I thought you would too,” he says smugly.

“I miss my Dean, please come home to me,” you say, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you.

“Why would I go home to you when I can have any woman I want, they flock after me like dogs to a juice piece of steak,” he stands, towering over you. The tears start to well in your eyes at his words

“Dean, leave her alone, Y/n and I just want to help you,” Sam says. His gun is now pointed at Dean, ready to render him immobile if need be.

“I don’t think that gun will be needing that Sammy, you see. I’ve got Back up,”

Everyone in the bar when silent and turned towards them, eyes all going black in unison.

The tension in the room is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

“So I suggest,” Dean says will poking you in the shoulder, shoving you back a step.

“That you three,” he pokes you in the other shoulder harder, making you stumble further.

“Leave,” he’s shoved you so hard now that you’ve fallen onto your back, and he’s leaned over you.

“Before we make you leave,” He growls, staring you in the eyes while his turn black.

Dean steps back from you and Sam and Cas are right at your side to help you up.

“We need to go now,” Sam says “we’ll come back when we have a plan,” he whispers in your ear.

You turn to leave, and while you’re walking away you turn back and shout

“Dean please!” you can feel the tears welling in your eyes again. “I Love you Dean, and I need you to come home.” The tears are starting to spill.

“He slowly walks his way back over to you and stops so his face is only inches from yours.

“I never loved you,” he says coldly. Turning back to find his seat at the bar.

Stunned, Sam has to pull you out of the bar and put you in the car before you come back to reality.

“Y/n, he’s not himself ok, you can’t take any of what he says as truth,” Sam says trying to comfort you.

“Sam…we need to fix this, now,” you say continuing to stare out the front of the car.

“We will Y/n, but it might take some time before we find a way,”

“That’s not good enough, we need him back, now,” You say again.

Sam and Cas look at you puzzled.

“Let’s just go home, and well figure this out there,” Cas suggests.

“I can’t go back there, not while he’s gone,” yous say. “Sam drop me off at the nearest motel please, I need some time,”

“Y/n, we can figure this out at home, please let’s not do anything crazy,” Sam tries.

You look at Sam with pleading eyes, and he knows you won’t budge.

“Fine,” Sam huffs and starts the car.

Sam drops you off and tells you that he’s going to call you every morning and every night to make sure you’re ok. But you have other plans in mind. The minute you get your motel room go settle down and lock the door, taking out your phone you block Sam’s number and turn off the tracker so he can’t find you.

If Sam had known what you were about to do, he would have tried to stop you. You need Dean back and you’re prepared to make any sacrifice necessary to do so.

I hoped you liked this chapter, I will be updating this as often as I can because I really like were this is headed

#dean whinchester #sam winchester #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #supernatural fandom #supernatural family #spn family #spn fandom #spn #supernatural #demon!dean x reader #demon dean #sam x reader platonic #dean x reader #reader insert #reader interactive

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silver9mm · 4 years

Text

Another SPN dream I might have turned into a fic. cw: mcd, drug use

I work at a college library but didn’t go to school there and one day these two beautiful boys blow in. They’re Freshmen, but they both seem older and wiser in different ways. Brady---and I only know his name because his friend keeps elbowing him and giving him what the hell, man? looks---is super rude to me, downtalking and loudly fake-laughing at things that aren’t actually funny. The other one gives me apologetic eyes and quickly cuts Brady off, tells me they don’t need help, and steers his friend firmly away. I hear them bickering and somehow know they’re having sex with each other.

The next day, the nicer one meets me in the morning outside the library with a small regular coffee and tells me his name is Sam and that’s sorry his friend is such a jerk, that he doesn’t know what’s gotten into him lately. The day after that, he brings me a piece of peach pie and I laugh and tell him that it’s from the restaurant off-campus that I live above, and that it’s pretty cool living there because the kitchen closes at midnight so I can play my music loudly without bugging anyone. He asks me what kind of music I listen to and I tell him classic rock and 90s metal and Sam’s face does a weird thing and I can’t tell if he’s into it or annoyed, but I tell him I also like to find new music through TV shows, that I pirate soundtracks from online, and the next day he brings me this usb with BtVS, Jericho, Angel, Firefly, and Constantine comics on it.

Maybe a week goes by and then Sam’s at my apartment. He’s been extremely polite to me up to now, but once he’s there in that little space with me, I realise how huge he is. I freeze up, intimidated, even though I know what I want---even when he asks me, “Do you want me to fuck you?” Of fucking course I do, but he doesn’t move, sits sprawled in a half-broken overstuffed chair and just waits for me to get close before he puts a hand out to me, pulls me down over him. After the first time---and what I remember the most is how blue his eyes were during, how they shifted back to green and gold after---he’s less proper with me, at least when we’re alone. He stalks me in the small space, seems to love grabbing me from behind and lifting me so my feet aren’t on the ground and I have to hold onto the counter, the window frame, but he’s the sweetest gentleman outside, and even shuts Brady down when he tries to talk shit to me, jealous now, but we’re both in the same boat because Sam’s leaving for basic training soon.

I have a couple of months with him, that’s all. He stays at my apartment almost every night, comes to the library during the day whenever he can, always brings me coffee or a Spring flower. One night, he tells me he has a brother but he doesn’t know where Dean is, hasn’t seen him in a year and doesn’t know if Dean knows he’s leaving for the military. He’s got a number but he’s afraid to call it, so I do it for him. I have it on speaker, and a grumpy voice answers and Sam panics so I hang up, but that was definitely his brother and I make Sam promise he’ll call him back. I think he does, because he seems agitated the next time I see him, a weird mix of giddy and nervous and sad, and I don’t think he sleeps much in the night for the next few days before he leaves for basic.

A year goes by. I get letters from Sam, a few phone calls. He hates it, being told what to do, misses his long hair, but he likes being part of something, having people who watch his back and stick by each other, no matter what. I don’t see Brady after Sam leaves, but I meet this older guy at a party one night. He’s there selling cocaine and everyone calls him Bob, but his real name is Balthazar and I let him pick me up because I’ve been looking for a new dealer and he’s got it all. We fuck and it’s fun but not great and the next morning we get breakfast, drink black coffee and smoke cigarettes, sitting next to each other so we don’t have to actually look at each other, but he tells me I can usually always find him at a dive bar across town. I start hanging out there occasionally. Balthazar is a shithead to everyone but we become friends with benefits and his circle of friends are welcoming enough, and I’m hanging out there when I get a call from a strange number.

I recognise the grumpy voice, but this time it’s shaking a little, and Dean tells me Sam’s been killed. I was the last number called on Sam’s phone, and Dean ended up with all the letters we had written, and asks if we can meet. I tell him how to find the bar and he says he’ll be there two nights from now. Balthazar, for once, drops his bullshit when he sees how upset I am and gives me a bunch of free mushrooms and ecstasy because he doesn’t have the emotional capacity to actually be supportive himself. I pocket them and spend the next 48 hours numbly waiting for Dean. It seems normal, somehow, like I knew this was going to happen the whole time, I knew Sam wasn’t going to come back, and I hate that it feels that way but I can’t do anything to change it.

Dean’s already at the bar when I show up and even though they don’t look anything alike, I know it’s him immediately. We have a couple drinks and then the regulars start to show up, and Dean slowly starts to look like a trapped animal. He goes pale, his hands clench into fists, and he bolts for the door as soon as I suggest ditching the bar, but he’s waiting for me outside, smoking a cigarette, and I notice he’s got Sam’s phone in his hand like it gives him comfort to hold onto it. I take Dean back to my place and he relaxes, tells me he likes my Christmas lights and I offer him the little bag of coke Balthazar slipped me on my way out, and Dean shows me how to powder it by breaking my tea ball and using the end of a pen to grind the crystals through the screen. We talk for hours, but not about Sam, not at first. It’s nonsense, but I can tell Dean’s wound pretty tight, has a lot of secrets, or at least things he feels he can’t tell most people, and that he’s sizing me up, trying to figure out why Sam liked me so much. I’m too spun out to worry if he finds what he’s looking for, but Dean lets me drag him to my bed when the sun starts coming up and we sleep most of the next day away and eat cold Chinese food for breakfast-dinner when we wake up. He tells me he’s gotta go get his car, and I don’t really believe he’ll come back, but he does, and brings a bag with him like he’s intending on staying, and I don’t tell him he can’t.

He starts to open up that night, tells me about losing his mom when he was a little kid, how his dad was in the military and Dean practically raised Sam by himself, how they were moved around constantly. Dean joined the military as soon as he could, because their dad expected it of his oldest son.

“Sam didn’t want me to,” he said, “but I was good at it. Taking orders my whole life, being responsible for---for others. For Sam. He wanted me to stay with him, was always coming up with some shit we could do together, a family business, but I wanted to be like Dad. Sam thought it was so dumb, but I did it anyway, and I think he joined because he wanted to show me how it felt. How... How worried he was for me, how much he missed me, but all I felt was proud of him, even though I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to do. I felt invincible, so of course he would be too. Typical bullshit, right? But no one’s invincible and now Sam’s dead. What the weirdest thing is, it bothers me that there was so much of him. That he was so stupid tall and strong. I don’t know why that makes it worse, but it does.”

Dean doesn’t cry when he tells me these things, and I get the impression that he doesn’t have any tears left, that he’d parked his big black car somewhere the day he was told Sam was dead and cried every last tear he’d ever cry in his life out. He’s sitting in the same busted chair Sam was the first time we fucked, but this time it’s me who asks Dean if he wants to. He nods, and the coloured lights make his eyes change like Sam’s would. He lets me do whatever I want to him, practically begs me to come around him and even then doesn’t just take what he wants. He’s passive, submissive, but so attentive, lets me wear myself out over him and then pets me right back to life, over and over.

We spend weeks like that. My job is out for the summer and Dean pays my rent. He disappears once in a while, but calls me before he shows back up and then sleeps for a couple days before he’s himself again. I don’t ask where he’s been. We eat magic mushrooms and play Tetris on my old Nintendo and I look up info on how those things help with PTSD, and he says that’s something Sam would do, research. We like the same music and I remember the face Sam made, and we go to the bar once in a while. Girls flock to Dean, but Balthazar distracts half of them with his drugs and his sleazy smile and I chase the other half away by just sitting in Dean’s lap, grabbing his ass in front of them. He pretends to be embarrassed but I know he loves the attention, likes that I’m forward and possessive over him.

#dream i had #this is edging on nightmare territory tbh

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a-jynx · 5 years

Text

Little Too Aggressive

Summary: Neither meant what they said, but then again, who goes through a fight and wouldn’t say something they later regret? What happens when Dean strikes a bit too close to home for Y/N?

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of past failed hunts, mentions of past abandonment, angst only to later be covered up by fluff so you all don’t hate me, Dean gets SMACKED,

Notes: This was requested by Anon, so I do hope your fic finds you and that it lives up to your standards! 😁 This is also longer than what I planned but I got really into it and it’s like 4 in the morning, so enjoy guys!

Enjoy! Feedback is appreciated!

Get out of my head, get out of my head, get out of my head -- “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!” I knocked my already bruised knuckles against my messed curls, huffing and panting as I snapped open my e/c eyes, glancing around the room with a suffocated sigh. “I need a drink.” Groaning, I shoved myself off of the grabby leather couch, winching at the velcro-like tear that erupted through my apartment. Trying to keep my hunting life and social life separate, I decided to stick mainly to close-calls, Bobby calls, or closer-than-family calls. The people that didn’t know about the multiple times I would sit alone patching up, they didn’t know about the times where I thought it would be my last or the times where I would plead and scream for God to smite me down himself so I could finally just... Escape. But you can’t escape some things, and sometimes those somethings happen to be someones.

{2 Years Earlier}

“Dean, I had it.” I spat, marching into our shared motel room as he scoffed, slamming the door behind him with unneeded force. “Could you attempt to not wake the entire fucking motel!”

“I don’t give a damn about them right now, Y/N! What you did out there was reckless and thoughtless! What would I have done if one of the vamps got to you? Or Sammy for that matter?” Dean spat, throwing down the large and overfilled duffle bag. I couldn’t help but scoff. Childish.

“It’s only thoughtless because you think it is! It was a well-done, well-executed plan, and you didn’t go along with your part!” I snapped, stepping towards him as he scoffed, kicking off his boots and tossing them off to the side. “No. Y/N, your plan was stupid and childish, that’s why it lead to me having to choose between you and Sammy!” Dean hissed, gesturing towards the next room as he mentioned Sam... Poor Sam. While trying to go with the plan as well as he could, he ended up attempting to save Dean and me by throwing himself in front of one of the vamps that had tried to come up behind us. So, again, poor Sam.

“Dean, Sam chose to do that himself! My plan had nothing to do with him sacrificing himself especially for me!” I shouted, not caring if the thinner than paper walls gave way to our neighbors. Dean growled, suddenly standing from the queen size bed and practically bounding towards me with anger filling his usually handsomely lit emerald eyes.

“No, but this isn’t the first time,” he spat. I stared at him, wide-eyed. Audibly gulping, I swallowed thickly before taking a small step back as Dean backed me further towards the back wall. My heart suddenly hammering against my chest while my chest grew tighter. “Wha - What’re you talking about?” I hissed, shuffling behind one of the small oak chairs, keeping my hands on it as Dean grabbed the other, his knuckles turning pale with his tightening grip.

“You heard me, sweetpea. This isn’t the first time Sammy’s almost DIED because of you! He’s fallen each time trying to make sure you live -- and honestly, I can’t see why.” He growled as I grew wide-eyed once again, my lips falling part as flicked my tongue out before nodding, chewing on my bottom lip. I won��t let him see me cry... Not after this.

“Fuck you, Dean... You always have to blame someone, don’t you? Even if it is your own friend.” I sighed, feeling my anger deplete and become replaced with sadness and a bit of fear. I sighed, moving around the table and grabbing my small backpack, not bothering to give Dean a second glance.

“Where’re you going?”

“Wherever you’re not.”

“Y/N,”

“No. Dean. You made it pretty fucking clear that you believe it’s MY fault when Sam makes big boy decisions that YOU don’t like! I don’t know what I did to make you believe that I have some mind control over Sam to tell him ‘sacrifice yourself right now, or die anyway’ but it’s gotta stop!” I yelled, my anger slowly resurfacing as I inhaled and sighed, closing my eyes and clenching the thin straps of the backpack. “And until then, I’m leaving.”

“What!”

“Dean. There’s no way I can go hunting with you guys... Not after all of this. It’s gone on for too long and I’m sick of it! And I know Sam is too, so, when are you deciding enough is enough?” I whispered, feeling my throat grow tight as I slowly walked towards the door, only to pause as Dean huffed and growled out the words that would send me packing for good.

“Fine! Runaway just like your sorry excuse of a father did!”

I stopped. My hand tight around the knob as I slowly clenched it further, setting my jaw as my knuckles turned a pale white before I snapped my head towards him, snarling as I turned tightly on my heel. Practically running towards him, I stopped in front of him before slamming my palm against his cheek, causing his face to snap to the left.

“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up! Don’t you ever compare me to him like that ever again, you bastard!” I screamed, slow tears rolling down my cheeks as anger funneled through my veins. “Don’t ever speak about me and him in the same sentence, you fucker!” I screamed again, my throat burning as my voice grew hoarse. Turning quickly on my heel, I raced out of the motel room, not listening to the screams and shouts that came from Dean as I ran towards my car, not caring about any of it as I just wanted to leave. To get out. To escape.

{Present Day}

I strolled into the bar, the normal patrons having already secured their seats at the counter as I glanced around, sighing. Carefully stepping up to the counter, I waved down the barkeep. “What’ll it be today, Y/N?” Justin murmured, keeping his voice down as I glanced to see the football game was playing, keeping most of the people’s attention towards it until they needed something.

“Everclear. And keep ‘em coming till I’m passed out.” I smirked as Justin rolled his dark eyes, nodding with a disapproving grin. He moved away to retrieve the drinks, I inhaled before resting my forehead into my palm. Not noticing the suddenly lingering eyes burning holes into my back. I only glanced up when Justin reappeared, the crystallized glass clinking against the tall bottle of Everclear.

“Here you are, sweetheart,” Justin twisted the cap, gurgling the drink into the cup before murmuring. “Stalker. 4 o’clock.” He placed the bottle down before walking away to attend to other customers. Frowning, I grabbed the small glass and took a large sip, sighing as the heavy and burning liquor washed down my throat. Turning my head, I glanced over my shoulder and felt my heart stammer while my stomach did a flip.

“Dean...?” I whispered his name, or at least I thought I did... The moment that cursed name left my lips, he snapped his head towards me again and stared, a small grin pulling on his thick lips before he started towards me. I quickly turned my body back into the bar, resting my forehead against the back of my hand. Great. Just fucking peachy!

“Uh... Is this seat taken?” He asked in a murmur. I clenched my jaw and shrugged, keeping my eyes trained on the sweating Everclear before reaching forward and topping off my glass. “Y/N, please, I... Can we talk?” His voice dropped, the sadness clear but I didn’t want to believe it... After these years, he has the nerve to ask if we can ‘talk’? Seriously?

“You are talking.”

“And you’re not.” He quipped as I frowned, downing my glass before sighing as I rolled my lips together, figuring if I wanted another glass or not. Glancing at Dean, I decided it would be for the best to just have another...

“Dean, I really have nothing to say to you. It’s been 2 years-”

“Exactly, and I... Listen, ever since that night I have been thinking about you non-stop. I cried and begged for someone to come and take your place, but that didn’t happen -- no one can take your place in my life.” He whimpered as I lightly scoffed, pouring another glass with a huff.

“Pretty sure you made it clear I was a sorry-excuse like my father was,” I murmured against the glass before taking a sip, swallowing thickly I chuckled. “Y’know, I never could see myself following in my dad’s footprints yet... The minute -- no, the second -- I met you and Sam, Jesus, I was a goner.” I hummed as Dean stared at me, his eyes blank as I pressed my lips together.

“It’s funny really... Sam knew. Bobby knew. Hell, the people that we interviewed knew -- I fell in love with you, Dean. The moment that fight happened was the biggest mistake I could think of that has happened to me after my father’s disappearance.” I chuckled softly, picking at the glass with my thin, short nails before turning my head towards Dean; finally seeing the relief that seemed to light up his eyes.

“So, if I were to say something along the lines of... Can I take you out, what would you say?” He murmured, lowering his voice as I pinched my lips together, not noticing how close we were getting to one another. I found myself shrugging with a miniature smirk. “Well, I’d say... With a sniper, please.”

“I hate you sometimes.”

“And I hate that you can get a little too aggressive, but, hey... I’m not complaining.” I grinned as he shook his head, moving slightly closer until his arm could wrap around my shoulders easily. I sighed, leaning slightly towards him as he waved for Justin to bring another glass. I could feel his eyes on me as I glanced up, taking a much-needed sip from my glass, I raised a brow at him before he grinned.

“So, about that date...”

The End! :’) 💖

Well, that was long and it took forever to write because I’m slow as hell. But, I do hope you all enjoy this new Dean fic and I hope that Anon approves! 😁

Requests and tags are open, just please send an Ask!

F.I.T: @laceyn-1201 @waywardnewcomer @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @i-hear-crazy-calling-my-name @casiskween @great-godpotato-akane @closetspngirl @specialagentlokitty @dearsmileyman @im--an--angel--you--assbutt @destiel-trenchcoatangel @msimpala67 @thetallassgirl @invisibledevour @hobby27 @gabriels-trix @gabby913 @xiumin-girl99 @stileslove

#Dean Winchester x reader #x reader insert #x reader #Dean Winchester #Supernatural fic #supernatural #Dean x reader #angsty fic but fluffy at the end #requested!#requests and tags are open!#supernatural fanfiction

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ssa-montgomery · 5 years

Text

War Of Hearts (Dean x Cas)

Word Count: 2085

Summary: Dean Winchester is set to marry Lydia Branwell to return honour to the family name but his feelings seem to get in the way. Especially when Castiel crashes the wedding.

Characters: Dean x Cas, Sam, Lydia, Charlie, Mary, John

Warnings: Fluff, Arranged marriage

A/N: Okay so as I'm sure anyone who watches Shadowhunters knows, this fic is the scene from Shadowhunters where Magnus crashes Alec's wedding but with Destiel xD I used this as a way to get around my writer's block and actually write something. So to anyone who has seen Shadowhunters I hope this turned out like the scene and to anyone who hasn't I hope you enjoy this and I highly recommend you go check out the actual scene! Also, the lyrics at the beginning and end are from War Of Hearts which is the song that plays in the scene.

Feedback is what motivates me to work so please let me know what you think! Reblogs are also greatly appreciated.

Taglist is open!

I can't help but love you

Even though I try not to

I can't help but love you

I know that I'd die without you

John and Mary made their way up aisle towards Dean, their arms linked as they walked. Dean swallowed hard afraid of the conversation ahead. Afraid that his expression would give away the doubt and nerves that were making him feel sick. After all, they were the reason he was here, standing in a church about to marry a woman he barely even knew all just to save the family name after they tarnished it. In the end, family was everything to Dean and this was the only way to fix things now.

"When you first proposed to Lydia I'll admit I was weary." Mary started as they came to a stop in front of Dean. "But now, you've made me so proud." She whispered running her hands over the front of Dean's white suit, smoothing out the small lines in the fabric.

Dean smiled at her a genuine smile but a quick one. Mary proudly beamed back at him her hand gently touching his cheek for a second before she turned to take her seat at the front of the church. Once Mary had sat down John moved forward silently shaking Dean's hand and offered a smile to Sam taking his own seat.

"Alright, you ready for this?" Sam asked.

Dean exhaled as he turned to face Sam fidgeting with the cuffs of his suit. This was the right thing to do, he knew it was. Lydia was an amazing woman. She was beautiful, smart, strong and one of the best Shadowhunters Dean knew. But no matter how many times Dean told himself that there was still a pit in his stomach like something was missing. Or someone.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Sam reached forward and pulled at the lapels of Deans suit straightening them once again. "Good."

"I'm glad you're here with me," Dean admitted. If he didn't have his brother at his side, he wouldn't be able to do this.

"Wouldn't be anywhere else," Sam assured his hitting his shoulder.

They both turned around stepping up onto the altar, Sam stood behind Dean watching over his shoulder still close enough that Dean could tell he was there. Everyone else in the church started to take their seats filling up the room. The sea of faces staring back up at him started to make him even more nervous than before. He hadn't realised quite how many people had been invited until now. The whole institute was there, and more.

The echoing bang of Brother Jeremiah's staff hitting the alter floor made the chatter of the room fall into silence.

"Attention. The ceremony is about to commence." He announced.

Everyone turned to watch the archway at the back of the church as Charlie walked in, a small silver pillow with a stele and metal bracelet laying on top of it in hand. She was smiling brightly as she made her way up the aisle before taking her place opposite Sam. Dean knew it was fake. Charlie had disapproved of the wedding since Dean told her that he had proposed to Lydia. She had quickly snapped back with "It's your life to ruin." Dean hadn't listened to her, telling himself she was younger and just didn't understand but maybe she did. Maybe it was Dean that hadn't understood what he was doing.

Next to enter was Lydia. Dean could feel his chest tighten when she walked around the corner. Dean might not have actually loved her but he had to admit that she looked stunning. Her blonde hair had been braided and hung down over her shoulder where her runes were still visible above the strapless dress. The corset of the dress was decorated with different silver and gold sequins and gems, the bouquet of red roses in her hand stood out even more in front of the white dress.

She smiled up at Dean before she started to walk forward. A wave of whispers spread across the room as she walked, everyone in awe of how beautiful she looked. Once she reached the alter Dean held his hand out for her and she gladly took it, he helped her up letting her take her place opposite him.

Dean noticed the sad look in Charlie's eyes as she held up the small pillow letting Lydia take the bracelet. Dean pulled his sleeve back allowing her to slip it on. Everything seemed so real now as the cold metal met his skin. He could still hear the words that had been spoken to him a few days before. "You'll be lonely all your life, and so will she. Neither of you deserve it. And I don't either." Was he making a mistake doing this? And more importantly, if he was, was it too late to run? No. He couldn't think like that. He shook away the thought and smiled back at Lydia before he turned to Sam who was holding a golden pillow that matched Charlies.

Dean picked up the necklace that lay next to the stele. Lydia had turned her back to Dean letting him place the necklace around her neck. She brought her hand up letting her fingers gently touch it. It matched her dress, a white base covered in tiny diamonds.

Lydia smiled at Charlie before turning back to face Dean. Charlie smiled back, but it was weak and faded quickly. She personally had nothing against Lydia, she had given her no reason to dislike her but Charlie hated standing by watching Dean throw his life away.

"It is time for Dean Winchester and Lydia Branwell to mark each other with the Wedded Union rune." Jeremiah gestured to the large crystal that sat in the middle of the altar. It had a misty white light that radiated from it. "A rune on the hand, a rune on the heart. A union is born."

He touched his staff off the crystal making it glow even brighter, the rune appearing on it as the mist disappeared. Lydia took the stele off Charlie touching it against the crystal, a puff of mist following it as she pulled it away. Dean held his hand out to her his wrist exposed for the rune. Lydia gently wrapped her fingers around his wrist lowering the stele to his skin.

Just before it touched his skin the sound of the heavy doors at the back of the church opening made Lydia pull away. A wave of relief came over Dean. Everyone in the church exchanged confused looks as they turned to watch the arch waiting to see who would enter.

Cas rounded the corner his hand still tugging at his shirt. As soon as he saw Dean he froze, his hand falling to his side. Dean had been talking about the wedding for what had felt like forever to Cas but now, seeing him standing on the altar his hand in Lydia's with the stele so close to his skin everything suddenly felt so much more real. Cas' eyes met Dean's who was now staring right back at him. Dean could feel his heart hammering against his ribs. The room felt like it had gotten ten times hotter and Dean's collar felt like it was choking him.

"What's that Warlock doing here?" Mary hissed turning around in her seat. Her eyes quickly went to Dean a sudden realization hit her when she saw the way Dean was staring back, the breath he sucked in as he stood there frozen.

Charlie let out a sigh of relief, her face softened and her eyes lit up for the first time since she took her place on the altar.

"Charlie, did Dean invite Cas?" Sam whispered.

"I did." Charlie chuckled. "But I didn't think he'd show."

Lydia looked between Dean and Cas, it was like to them there was no one else in the room. Like as soon as Cas walked in, everything around them had melted away. Lydia knew, she always had. The way Dean had looked at Cas, how flustered he had gotten when she mentioned him coming to the institute, the "He's quite magical" he had let slip before trying to correct him. Part of her knew this would happen.

Mary harshly pushed herself out of her seat tearing her eyes away from Dean as she marched towards Cas.

"Castiel, leave this wedding now." She demanded.

"Mary, this is between me and your son. I'll leave if he asks me to." Cas held up his hand quickly dismissing Mary as he walked past her.

Cas stayed silent coming to a stop in the middle of the aisle. He held eye contact with Dean who tried to swallow the lump that had now formed in his throat. He didn't have to say anything. Dean already knew everything he wanted to say. If it was going to happen it had to be Dean's choice, Cas knew he couldn't talk him out of it he had already tried he just had to wait.

"Are you gonna be okay buddy?" Sam asked.

Dean let out a shaky breath that had been trapped in his throat his eyes still on Cas. He couldn't get his mind to stop racing long enough to answer. Was he going to be okay? He didn't know how to answer that.

"Dean?" Lydia called warmly leaning forward to try to grab his attention.

Dean finally managed to pull his eyes away from Cas to turn and look at Lydia who was beaming up at him.

"Hey." She giggled.

Dean tried to speak but the lump in his throat seemed to block the words, his breath came out heavy as he tried to clear his throat.

"I-I can't breath."

"I know. It's okay." Lydia assured him. The softness of her voice made Dean feel guilty. This wasn't just his wedding it was hers too.

"I can't do this," Dean said finally making up his mind. "I thought we were doing the right thing, but this isn't it."

"You don't have to explain."

"Lydia I'm sorry." He was genuinely sorry. He should have known from the beginning this wasn't what he wanted but now he had trailed Lydia along.

"Hey, you deserve to be happy." Lydia brought her hand up to cup his cheek running her thumb along his jaw. "Okay? I'll be fine."

Dean turned away from her, this time fully facing out towards the crowd that was watching his every move. His eyes flickered between the people in front of him, his family, his friends, everyone he cared about. He stood there silently for a moment, this was it, if he stepped down off the altar nothing would be the same again. Taking a deep breath he stepped forward walking down off the altar. This was what he wanted.

Mary once again moved forward quickly walking towards her son.

"Dean, what are you doing?" She questioned.

"Enough." Dean turned his head towards her as he spoke but his eyes remained focused on Cas.

Cas still hadn't moved, letting Dean come to him. As soon as Dean was close enough he reached out grabbing Cas by the lapels of his black suit jacket. He pulled him close to his chest pressing his lips to Cas'. The adrenaline high of it made him feel almost drunk, his head was spinning and he felt like if he let go of Cas he would collapse. Dean melted into the warm kiss, letting himself lean forward into it. The feeling of Cas' soft lips made his heart race even more than before. Cas chased his lips when Dean pulled away from the kiss. Deans eyes travelled all over Cas' face taking in every single detail. He quickly pulled him back in again for another kiss when Cas' eyes met his.

Sam and Charlie exchange a look both letting out a laugh as a wave of happiness and pride washed over them. John was now standing next to Mary, both with a disapproving look as they watched what was happening in front of them.

"You never ceases to amaze me, Dean." Cas smiled once Dean finally let him go.

"What did I just do?" Dean gasped looking around the at the crowd in the church.

I can't help but be wrong in the dark

'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts

I can't help but want oceans to part

'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts

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atc74 · 5 years

Text

Legacy

Square Filled: Futuristic!AU for @spnaubingo

Warnings: Angst...a lot of angst, **spoilers for S14**

Summary: Mary Campbell didn’t want to be a hunter. She wanted that apple pie life with John Winchester, but one yellow eyed demon ruined all that. Can a glimpse into her future change a single moment in time?

Pairing: none (Young Mary x John mentioned)

Word Count: 1901

Written for: @spnaubingo

Beta’d by: @hannahindie thank you love

A/N: I took some creative liberties here with the term AU. We all know what happened when Zachariah sent Dean five years into the future for the Endverse!AU and I thought it would be a different take to see it from Mary’s perspective. I hope you like it. Your feedback is my motivation!

Buy Sam, Dean and Mary here from @scentsfromthebunker for an all new fan experience!

“Nooooooo! John, no!” Mary Campbell wept over her new fiance’s limp body, his neck snapped at the hands of the yellow eyed demon.

“Hello, Mary,” the sweet voice broke through her sobs. The world around her had gone still. Her father’s wounded body loomed over her, frozen, with the demon still trapped inside him.

“Who are you?” She gasped.

“My name is Jessica. I’m a reaper. We have to hurry before Death finds out I’m here,” Jessica warned Mary.

“A reaper? What are you doing here? What do you want?” She demanded.

Jessica grabbed Mary by the wrist and the world spun beneath her.

~*~

“Sam I don’t know what’s going on, but something is going on,” the blond woman whispered into the device in her hand, perched in the dark stairwell.

Mary Campbell looked around the wooden home. There was a man at the stove. His back was to her, but he wore a burgundy button down, denim blue jeans and sensible work boots. A bell went off and he reached into the oven, removing a casserole dish and carried it to the table. It wasn’t until he turned around that she saw his face.

“Dean?” She questioned, her hand flying to her mouth. She had just seen Dean earlier that evening when he left her parents home. This man looks like Dean, but he had aged in the mere hours since she had seen him last.

“Yes, Mary. That is Dean. But he can’t hear you, or see you,” Jessica explained to her.

“Then why did you bring me here, Jessica?” Mary turned on the reaper.

“Think of me as a crystal ball,” she reminded the young blonde hunter.

~*~

Dean and the blonde woman laughed while they shared their meal, reminiscing about old times. Dean told a story about his younger brother and the woman turned quiet.

“Sometimes I forget just how much I missed while I was gone,” she said. “And how much the two of you just…”

“But you’re here now, right?” Dean smiled. “And even though the last couple of years have been a little rough, just knowing that you’re around, that you’re alive...Mom, that’s meant everything to me. And everything to Sam.” He cleared his throat, looking around the table. “And how great is this, hm? You, me, sitting here, eating the real thing, not some bologna version of Winchester Surprise? You know, we’re not fighting any monsters. There’s-there’s no clouds on the horizon.”

Mary Campbell gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Did he just say Winchester Surprise? She looked over at Jessica in shock. This woman was Dean’s mother. That meant...oh no. Her gut wrenched as she turned her attention back to the two of them.

“Dean? Dean, whatever you’re going through, you can talk to me,” his mother told him warmly, concern filled her voice and her soft features. She reminded Mary of her own mother, kind and ready to give someone her full attention.

Mary knew that the hunting life wasn’t easy, but she wonders what happened in Dean’s life since the last time she saw him.

“I just saw him. He looks ragged and tired. I’ve seen this look on hunters after too many years,” Mary whispered. “What happened to him?” She looked to Jessica for answers.

“This is the same Dean that you met, just days ago in your world, Mary. But he’s not the same. Dean was sent back to your time by an angel of the Lord to try to stop a demon. He failed and this is what his life became. The year is 2019, Mary. I’ve brought you to the future,” Jessica divulged.

“Everyone keeps asking how I am, and how I am...is I don’t wanna talk about it,” Dean implored with sorrow and sadness in his eyes. “Please.”

His mother didn’t speak, just agreed with a small nod of her head.

Mary blinked back tears at the interaction between the mother and son. Whatever it was that was going on caused him tremendous pain.

Through her blurred vision, the room flipped and now they were in some type of out building. The man’s mother bent over the table, examining the ancient tomes on the workbench. “No. No, no, no, no.” She whispers.

The ground shifted and Mary saw Dean running frantically out of the cabin. He stopped, gun ready at his side, until a twig snapped behind him. He swings wide, his gun aimed and finger poised for any potential threat.

“Hey! Whoa! Easy!” Shouted another man, hands in the air, showing he means no harm.

Dean recognized the man and lowers his weapon, a look of disbelief on his face.

“Dean, what’s going on here?” The taller man asked.

“It’s mom. She’s gone,” Dean revealed.

Mary and Jessica are back in the cabin. Another woman, a police officer, had joined the Dean and the man Mary assumes is his brother, they way the conversed about the missing woman.

Another gut wrenching shift and Mary was back in the storage shed, Jessica at her side. She glanced from one man to the other, the tension between them was heavy. It filled the room and was stifling as she watched the interaction.

‘It’s a Malock box, secured and warded. Once inside, nothing gets out,” Dean informed Sam. “Not even an archangel. Especially not an archangel.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve read ab-about these...b-but no one’s ever...they’re impossible to build,” Sam muttered.

“Yeah, well, not so much,” Dean stood on the other side of the box, looking Sam in the eye.

“That’s your plan? You-you want to be buried alive?” Sam theorized, shock in his voice.

“Well, buried’s not safe enough. Plan is, pay a little hush money, charter a boat to take me out to the Pacific,” Dean revealed. “Splash.”

“You and Michael, trapped? Together? For eternity?” Sam challenged.

“Yeah,” Dean answered with determination.

“You do realize how insane this is, right?” Sam pointed out.

“It’s the only sane play I’ve got,” Dean maintained. The look on Sam’s face compelled him to continue. “Michael gets out? That’s it for this world. And he will get out.”

“But how do you know that for su-?” Sam started.

“Because I do,” Dean interjected, his hand up to stop Sam from speaking. “Because I can feel him in my head! That door is giving. I can feel it giving!”

“But there has to be another way,” Sam argued.

“There’s not, okay?” Dean asserted. “Sam, you’ve tried. Cas has tried. Jack...and I love you for trying, but none of it’s going to work.”

“We don’t know that!” Sam shouted.

“Yeah, we do,” Dean looked down.

“What?” Sam asked, his mind still struggled to wrap around his brothers insane plan.

“Billie,” Dean uttered.

“Billie?” Sam echoed.

“She paid me a little visit. She said there’s only one way this ends right,” Dean explained, slamming his fist down on the metal box for emphasis. “And this is it. This right here. This...box.”

Sam stood there, staring at his brother, his face scrunched in dubiety.

“So she gave up the special recipe and all I had to do was the work. It’s fate,” Dean said.

“Since when do we believe in fate?” Sam scoffed.

“Now, Sam. Since now,” Dean shook his head.

Sam was the one shaking his head now. “So you came out here...to see Donna? To see mom? On some, what, some sick secret farewell tour?” Sam bellowed at his brother. “You were gonna leave...and you weren’t even going to tell me. Me. Do you realize how messed up that is? How unfair that is?” He was shouting now.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Dean shouted back. “Sam, you’re the last person I could tell. The last person I could be around, because you’re the only person that could’ve talked me out of it!”

Dean composed himself and continued. “And I won’t be talked out of it. I won’t. I’m doing this. Now, you can either let me do it alone...or you could help me. But I’m doing this.”

Dean bowed his head, his hands flat on the box as Sam contemplated his options. Mary saw the turmoil as it moved through him. His face spoke a million questions and emotions all at once.

“Alright,” Sam conceded his fight with one simple word and Dean let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

The ground quaked under Mary’s feet and she found herself back in 1973. She stood over John’s dead body, tears streamed down her face.

“Why?! Why did you take me there? Why would you make me witness that?” Mary screamed at the reaper.

“You need to know that every action has an opposite and equal reaction, Mary,” Jessica reminded her.

“Yeah, I got it Einstein. I paid attention in science class. What does any of that have to do with me?” She got in Jessica’s face, demanding answers.

“Tonight, right here, right now, when I am gone, you will make a decision that will haunt those people for the rest of their lives, you included,” the reaper disclosed. “I’m not allowed to interfere, but over the years I have grown very fond of Sam and Dean Winchester, so I think you know why I took you on that little excursion.”

“They’re not-they can’t be…” Mary whispered, her head shaking in denial.

“But they are Mary. And that will be you in forty six years, give or take. Your sons have both been possessed by archangels. Sam by the devil himself. Dean was possessed by Michael, who tortured him for weeks! He wants to burn humanity to the ground!

“You will say one word in minutes, setting the dominoes in motion that will fall for eternity. You made a deal with demon and your sons will pay for your sins with their lives! Think about your life Mary. Your sons lives. Is that the legacy you want to leave for them?” With a blink Jessica was gone and Mary collapsed to the ground next to John.

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll arrange to have lover boy here brought back breathing,” the yellow eyed demon promised with her father’s voice and body.

“What? And all it costs is my soul?” Mary asked.

“Oh no, you can keep that. I just need permission,” he sneered. “I’ll swing by your house in ten years for a little something, that’s all,” he told her.

“For what?” Mary cried.

“Relax. Relax. As long as I’m not interrupted, nobody gets hurt, I promise...Or you can spend the rest of your life desperate and alone,” the demon chuckled.

Mary sobbed, holding tighter to John’s body.

“It’s a good deal, Mary. So what do you say?” The demon asked impatiently.

A car sputtered in the distance.

“Yes,” Mary cried.

The yellow eyed demon crashed his lips to hers, sealing the deal. He pulled away and smoked out, leaving her dead father’s body on the ground.

“No!” A voice shouted.

Mary looked from her father's body to John’s and back to the man still screaming no.

A gasp came from her lap. John sat up, confused. “Mary?”

“John?!” She threw her arms around his neck and looked back at the man one more time. He was getting closer with each step. “I’m sorry, Dean.” She mouthed and buried her face in the collar of John’s leather jacket.

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busy-fangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk @deanwinchesterswitch @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl

The Dean’s List: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @supernatural-jackles @docharleythegeekqueen @adoptdontshoppets @mtngirlforever

#spnaubingo #dean winchester #sam winchester #mary winchester #spn s14 spoilers #spn spoilers #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester angst #sam winchester angst #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #supernatural au #supernatural angst

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yutos-laugh · 5 years

Text

✨🌸 Comfort Playlist 🌸✨

Hi friends!! I hope you’re all doing well! If not, I hope this post can help you a little. We all have days where we feel sad, stressed, or alone. I think music is a big source of comfort for all of us; it has the ability to understand our feelings and comfort us when we cannot do so for ourselves. That being said, I decided to share the playlist of songs I listen to when I need comfort with you all! You probably already know most of these songs, but I hope this either helps you find new love for them or that some of you find a song you haven’t heard before. I love you guys and I hope good things come your way soon 💗

1. 2! 3! by BTS

It’s alright, now count 1, 2, 3 and forget Erase all sad memories Hold my hand and smile

This song feels bittersweet and warm. It feels like turning your face to the sun on a tired afternoon. like the feeling in your chest after you sing out all your feelings, tight but lightened somewhat. like grabbing someone’s hand and squeezing when you need comfort. like the jumble of your friends’ voices. like letting a tear fall and knowing it’s the last one you’ll cry for now. like discovering hope when you feel bad. like genuine smiles on hard days.

2. Pied Piper by BTS

Follow the sound of the pipe, follow this song It’s a bit dangerous but I’m so sweet I’m here to save you, I’m here to ruin you You called me, see? I’m so sweet Follow the sound of the pipe

This song feels like being understood. like someone far away is speaking to you, but you can still feel it. like bright colors in the moonlight. like something magical. like a tugging feeling in your chest. like a light wind dancing and whispering across your skin. like feeling a melody in your body and letting yourself go. like walking while closing your eyes. like following your intuition. like trusting something even though there’s no reason to.

3. Epiphany by Jin of BTS

I’m the one I should love in this world Me, who shines, my precious soul Now I finally realize, so I love me Though I may lack some things, I’m so beautiful

This song feels like rain. like running your fingers along something soft. like a heavy heart. like feeling something there are no words for. like hurting and fighting even still. like choosing something better. like being free. like spreading your arms, closing your eyes, feeling the wind pushing against you and lifting your spirits. like holding yourself. like finding you were the answer all along. like feeling pain, but choosing love instead.

4. Eat by Zion.T

At times like those, Eat this song like chocolate Even if you're exhausted, remember to have breakfast and lunch Then I'll praise you later

This song feels like greeting an old friend. like nodding your head to a familiar beat. like coming to a warm home after a long day. like the smell of your favorite childhood foods. like warm, genuine advice. like an understanding smile. like someone caring about the small things for you. like food sizzling on a warm pan. like curling up into a ball under a bunch of blankets. like chocolate. like comfort food. like someone tucking your hair behind your ear. like feeling sad, but taking care of yourself anyways.

5. OFF-ROAD by Pentagon

Running on this rough road Jumping over those high waves I’m on my way to find you Believe in me, so I can get up again Hold me, so I won’t fall down

This song feels like heavy breaths after running hard. like crossing a finish line. like looking for something more. like putting your hand up and reaching for the sky even though there’s nothing there to touch. like clenched fists and choosing the hard way because it’s right. like being proud of yourself. like running towards something better. like reaching out. like supporting yourself and others. like being brave. like determination born from love.

6. Magic Shop by BTS

Days when you hate that you’re you Days when you wanna disappear Let’s make a door in your heart If you open that door and go inside This place will be waiting for you It’s ok to believe, it’ll comfort you, this Magic Shop

This song feels like childlike wonder. like staring at stars and galaxies, lips parted, eyes wide. like someone knowing how you feel without you having to tell them. like someone drawing you into their arms and letting you cry on their shoulder. like believing in a loved one when they can’t believe in themselves. like sobbing out bad feelings. like holding hope in your hands. like touching what you thought you’d never have, what you thought could never be real for you. like believing even though you’re afraid. like going somewhere better. like finding a secret, safe space for yourself.

7. Pentagon by PENTAGON

Protect you, don’t ever let me go Even if the world turns against you You are my universe universe I can be your pentagon You and I

This song feels like being protected. like feeling strong together. like clasping hands and feeling connected. like determination. like feeling your heart beat in your chest. like hearing someone else’s heart beat against your ear. like believing in each other. like cheering someone on. like selflessness. like genuine love. like choosing what you love even if it’s hard. like closing your eyes and building yourself up. like staring at your own eyes in the mirror. like making eye contact with someone and knowing how they feel. like staring bad things in the eye and holding your ground. like choosing love over everything else.

8. Don’t Wanna Cry by SEVENTEEN

Don’t wanna cry Don’t wanna cry I have a lot of tears But I don’t wanna cry

This song feels like a technicolor sunrise. like dancing your feelings out. like feeling something inside you build up. like knowing there must be more than the bad things you feel. like hoping for something even if it’s unrealistic. like waiting for the next mirage to appear. like the rollercoaster of finding and losing and re-finding something you want. like the way your stomach jumps on an amusement park ride. like holding feelings in. like feeling and expressing yourself in secret. like smiling in relief.

9. instagram by DEAN

It’s a problem In the whole world It’s the same love song But it doesn’t touch me In my night There are too many thoughts

This song feels like quiet, unnoticeable sadness. like hearing a familiar tune and smiling softly. like thinking so much you end up with more questions than answers. like listening to old cassette tapes. like looking at the sepia film reels you used to get after developing pictures. like smiling sadly, but no one knows its sad. like long, summer nights. like quietly talking to yourself. like looking up at a waning moon. like smiling and nodding. like noticing patterns. like wondering why you get lost in the flowing crowd. like sighing.

10. To Universe by PENTAGON

It’s because you were here More precious than anything else You’re a gift that came like that light You’re my everything Because of you, I could keep my dreams What I can give back to you Are the promises engraved in your heart

This song feels like holding onto the smallest pieces of hope, and building them back up again. like stopping and listening to how you feel. like thinking of old memories of love and friends and hardship. like believing in something. like closing your eyes because you’re so overwhelmed with emotions. like speaking something you know to be true. like thanking someone from the bottom of your heart. like loving something more than you knew you could. like loving unabashedly and freely.

11. Dear Friend by PENTAGON

Dear friend, when you are lost Please remember Dear days, even if we look to a different sky Under the same sun

This song feels like hugging a close friend. like turning your head to the sky with your eyes closed, smiling at the sun, soaking up the light like a flower. like remembering sweet memories. like being genuine. like saying goodbye and promising you’ll meet again. like the excitement you feel when you know you’ll see someone you love again. like the warm contentment you feel after you’ve spent time with friends. like the feeling of missing someone right after you just left them. like all the words you want to say to the people you love in your life. like loving what it feels like to love, even if it hurts a bit. like feeling close to a loved one, no matter where they are.

12. Violet by PENTAGON

Your words were as beautiful as a flower I remember the color you had Will I ever be able to go back To the times when I held you tight I don’t wanna forget

This song feels like listening to old music boxes. like running your fingers along dusty shelves and feeling the history in a place. like holding a crystal up the the light. like the smell of lavender. like soft echoes. like holding on to the past. like watching rain race along windows. like the way your voice trembles and gets a little quieter when you sing a sad song. like missing someone. like putting on their sweater to make yourself feel closer to them. like the smell and the spray of the sea. like hurting and hoping someone will make you feel better. like humming to your favorite song even though you’re sad. like remembering something good, but it’s touched by sadness.

13. Butterfly by BTS

Will you stay by my side Will you promise me If I let go of your hand, you’ll fly away and break I’m scared scared scared of that

This song feels like sand running through your fingers. like wind whispering in the trees at night. like moonlight. like holding something fragile in your hands. like feathers. like the quiet and stillness of three am. like stepping into your fear and admitting it, instead of running from it. like wishing time could stay still so you could live in a moment. like quiet, timid love. like noticing and appreciating the smallest details. like loving so much it hurts. like saying something to make it feel real. like dreaming while you’re awake.

14. Spring Day by BTS

Past the end of this cold winter Until the spring comes again Until the flowers bloom again Stay there a little longer Stay there

This song feels like feelings hitting you so hard you sob. like the constriction in your chest when you’re hurting. like reaching for something so far away. like the first tear that falls from your eyes and draws out the others. like closing your eyes and feeling yourself sink into sadness. like seeing your breath curl out into the cold. like the first snowfall of winter. like drawing on cool, foggy windows. like feeling the sunlight on a cold day. like waiting for buds to bloom. like missing someone so much it hurts. like missing a part of yourself. like singing yourself to sleep. like confiding in someone. like feeling pain, and knowing that you will get through it. like waiting for the sunrise and seeing the sky start to lighten, the clouds start to paint themselves with color. like the first bloom of spring. like knowing better times are coming.

15. Promise by Jimin of BTS

Now promise me, oh, oh Several times a day, oh, oh Even if you feel that you are alone, oh, oh Don't throw yourself away, oh, oh

This song feels like home. like the way a room feels softer and warmer after you light candles. like softly crying. like burying yourself in blankets. like wiping your tears. like hearing comforting words from someone you trust. like warm whispers. like clear sunlight on cold skin. like the soft, light pink and yellow and purple of the clouds. like comforting arms wrapped around you. like a hand rubbing your back soothingly. like being unafraid of the way your voice trembles when you’re vulnerable. like hearing good things and trying to believe them. like reaching out to yourself. like saying good things to yourself. like blowing flower petals from your hands. like your first tentative, precious smile after crying.

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angelkurenai · 5 years

Text

Imagine Jack confessing to you that he’s in love with you before he dies, but you don’t get it because all you can think about is Dean, the man you love.

“Can you-” a cough interrupted him “Can you tell him it's ok?” Jack looked up at you and Sam as you gripped onto Sam's chair to hold yourself together. You had been trying your hardest to keep yourself from bursting into tears just for his sake.

“Tell him yourself. He'll be back in a minute.” Sam gave him a soft but tight and certainly very emotional smile.

Your eyes didn't dare leave Jack, even though your heart longed desperately for the older hunter outside the room. It was like a second nature to want to comfort him anymore, to be there for him and the shoulder he leaned on, but you understood that at the moment Jack needed your comfort more than anyone else. He needed to see you were by his side at the moment, that you were strong for him and always there with the smile he had first met you and said he loved so much. Besides, there was a part of you, a part that you weren't yet willing to embrace because it would also mean embracing the immense fear it felt, that knew that he could be gone any given minute and you couldn't waste it. You couldn't miss another second away from him knowing there could not be another one with him, despite how hard it was for you.

He shook his head softly “But if- if I don't have the chance to I want you and him to know it. It's not his fault. It's nobody's fault. Will you-” his innocent eyes met yours, a bit tired but always so gentle “Will you tell him it's not?”

It was nearly physically painful to hold back a sob. You forced a smile on your lips, pushing off Sam's side and sitting on Jack's bed beside him “Dean knows, I'm sure he knows. And you will get the chance to tell him yourself. You're not leaving us. Not- Not yet.” a sob escaped your lips but you placed a hand over your mouth, shaking your head and sniffling before putting back a smile for him. His smile turned into a more emotional one and his eyes casted down for a second, making you hate yourself. You wanted to be strong for him so bad.

“I just- I don't want you to be sad. None of you. Nor to blame yourself. I've-” he put on a brave smile, nodding his head “I've lived a happy life because of you-” his eyes lingered on you for a little longer without you even realizing it, a mall cough left his lips “And I thank you for that. You didn't fail me, not at all. So you don't have to feel sorry for it. Meeting you was the best thing that happened to me.”

“And yet we've failed to keep you alive.” you couldn't help but grit your teeth, the words angrily and in a sad way. You shook your head pursing your lip “This is not fair. It's just not.”

“(Y/n)” without hesitation this time, Jack reached out to place a hand on top of yours. You looked back at him with tears on the verge of spilling, your throat feeling painfully tight. He didn't need to say any more words for you to understand what he meant.

“I'll- I'll go get Cas and Dean back, ok? Won't take long.” Sam said a little slowly, almost reluctantly because he didn't want to leave, but at the same time understanding that Jack needed a few minutes alone with you. The bond you had formed from the first moment, not just because you were the closest to his age, but because of the way you had made him feel loved and cared for despite what was going on.

You gave him a weak nod, your eyes focused on Jack's hand in yours. You rubbed your thumb over his palm, appreciating the small squeeze he gave you even more when you thought of how you wouldn't ge to feel this very soon. You didn't want to miss a moment. Even the small silence that set between you two was comfortable and very much important.

“This is not how it was supposed to go. It's not.” you finally choked out, unable to hold your tears back anymore “You should have a long life ahead of you. Do great things in this world. Make people happy, save people. It's too early and this shouldn't be your end. It shouldn't-”

“Maybe it's meant to be this way.” he cut you off gently yet firmly “Or maybe it's not. But we'll never know it and it doesn't matter. Not to me. Because I don't want to waste time thinking or talking about it. Not the time we have left together.”

It was impossible to hold back your sobs this time, closing your eyes and squeezing his hand tightly in yours to hold yourself together for as long as possible “I didn't want it to end like this, Jack. There were so many things that you should get to do, to live, to-”

“And I have.” there was such lightness in his words that your eyes widened as you looked at him “I've lived and experienced so many things that I'm not sad. Maybe about leaving, yes, but I've done many things that I feel happy with how my life turned out. So I'm ready to go, I'm ready to die and accept whatever comes. So you shouldn't feel bad about letting me go.”

“Please” a small whimper escaped your lips “Please don't say it. I- I can't even bear to hear it. Gosh, Jack we should have done something earlier. We should have.” the way your heart broke with pain and guilt was slowly killing you on the inside.

“It's ok, it's absolutely fine. You did everything you could, and I'm-” a cough interrupted him “I'm alright with dying. It's probably going to be another adventure, right?” he tried to give you a small smile but you barely saw it through your tears.

“How can you say that? How?!” your voice cracked “You're dying, Jack! Dying! And I have to make peace with the fact that I'm going to lose you any given moment and I can't do anything about it. I couldn't even keep one promise, one damn promise and make you happy. How is any of this alright?”

“Don't you see?” his eyes were slightly glossy but his smile was big and bright and innocent, just like when you'd first met him “Because you kept that promise. You made me so happy (Y/n) and knowing you is and will always be one of the most beautiful things that happened to me. I just...” his eyes trailed down at your hands, seeing you reach out to hold his hand with both of yours “I suppose there is only one thing I- I regret not doing soon enough. And now that it's finally time I want you to know it.”

“Jack” another broken sob. You couldn't bear to hear it. “You have time, don't say-”

“Not much left, no. Which is I want to thank you for everything you did and I want you to know that the things you taught me, the things you made me feel-” he looked down at your hands for a second, a sweet smile on his lips, so bright and beautiful despite his state it made your heart ache more “I will cherish forever. You, the moments we spent together, the memories we've shared I will always remember and miss the most. You made everything so much more beautiful for me (Y/n), I wish we had more time but despite how much I'll miss all of it, I'm glad I lived it. I will miss you so much (Y/n) that I-”

But he stopped himself when he noticed the tears that were rolling down your cheeks that had started to shake your entire body. You couldn't hold back anymore but you weakly mumbled in between hiccups and “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I- I shouldn't- Jack, I'm-”

“N-no. No, please don't apologize. It's ok-” he made your breath hitch in your throat when he reached out with his free hand and cupped your cheek, wiping away a tear on your cheek with his thumb “I'm ok, because of you. And I- I wanted you to-” he hesitated a bit “(Y/n), I- I love you. I love you with all my heart.”

It looked like it was a great relief for him to finally say it, as if he'd meaning to for very long and would regret if he died without admitting it. Another tear rolled down your cheek and you gave him a weak smile “Oh Jack. I-” you allowed another tear to roll down, a shaky and breathless laugh slipping your lips “I love you too. I love you so so much.” you brought a hand to cup his cheek.

His eyebrows raised softly and his eyes sparkled in a way you thought you were never going to see again. You believed it was because he had not heard someone say it yet to him, but you could never imagine the way his heart leapt to his throat and his breath hitched in his throat. You could never imagine the way it started beating so much faster or how his stomach felt so funny. You couldn't imagine the way he felt dizzy, your words repeating in his head. More specifically those three little words. You couldn't imagine the way his body relaxed but at the same time there were so many bursting emotions in his chest it felt like he had found a new surge of life again. He felt so many things, things he never thought he would get to feel, but hearing you say you loved him did it all to him.

He felt things you couldn't think of, you couldn't even imagine he would... but you had felt so crystal clear when Dean told you he loved you for the first time.

His lips pulled into a smile as he breathed out a bit in disbelief but in pure happiness “You do?”

You nodded your head before you squeezed his hand, returning his smile, and softly whispered “Of course, Jack. You-You're family, you're one of us. Of course I love you. You're like-” you laughed softly “You're like the brother I always wanted. You should remember this when you're gone. And you- you've proven that you're-” sobs escaped through your lips, rocking your body “I'm sorry. Gosh, Jack, I'm so sor-”

“N-no, no (Y/n) it's-” it was just so hard for his to hide the disappointment and sadness that flashed through his eyes or the way his smile just fell altogether “It's alright. I'm alright.”

“I'm sorry I- I can't. I can't do this. I-” you pressed a hand over your mouth, your hand slipping away from his grasp and before he had the chance to even say your name, you were on your feet and rushing out of his room. You were sure you bumped shoulders with someone and even heard Sam's questioning voice but your heart was crashed and the pain of having to lose Jack was impossible to bear. You needed air and you needed it desperately.

~*~

You didn't know for how long you were standing outside. It felt like seconds and it felt like years. But you tried your best to focus on calming down your rapidly-beating heart, hold your tears back and and keep your body from shaking as violently as before. You were scared you were going to crumble down any given moment, the weight of everything happening weighing down on you. You repeated over and over again to yourself to focus on breathing, in and out, in and out, in and-

You jumped in your place when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned abruptly to face the person only to be metwith a pair of concerned and caring forest green eyes “Hey. Hey it's me.”

“D?” the nickname left your lips in a small whimper, another tear rolled down your cheek “I'm sorry, I- I couldn't. I had to-I can't- I-” you opened and closed your mouth over and over again but no words came out other than broken and choked sobs and sounds left your lips.

You just couldn't hold it back and with a step forward, you crashed into his arms, hugging him and holding onto him like there was no tomorrow. You buried your face in his chest and without a second thought, he buried his face in the crook of your neck and wrapped his arms tightly around you. You fisted the fabric of his flannel in your hands and clinging ontohim as if he was going to disappear any given moment.

“H-Hey, it's- it's ok. Everything's gonna be ok, sweetheart.” he murmured in a gruff voice which cracked “You're- We're all gonna get through it. We're-”

But the words got stuck in his throat and you knew just why. He was struggling with everything in him to be strong not just for Jack but you as well. This was the first time you ever lost someone, or were going to lose at least, and he knew just how you felt. Not to mention that, besides that, his heart was breaking into a thousand pieces to see you like this. To see the girl he loved so broken, made his pain and grief double in size. You gave him a squeeze, as if to reassure him that it was ok for him not to be strong at the moment. As if to reassure him you only needed him to hold you and didn't need him to say a thing. Words were often not needed when it was just you and him. You stayed like that for a few seconds, just holding onto each other, letting yourself to take in the fact that he was there with you, arms wrapped around you.

“I-” you sniffed, pulling away after a couple seconds “I was looking at Jack and thinking of all the things we went through together a-and I realized... I never thought we were gonna lose him Dean. Never. Not just because of who he is- was, but it just never crossed my mind. For some people we have this idea that they will be like this forever b-but it's not the case and I-” you whimpered, eyes downcast “We're losing him, he's dying. I'm losing him and I couldn't help but think about it. Think that I might-”

“Princess?”

“I thought of you, Dean. I thought that I could lose you too, just like that, any given minute and just when things seemed alright and I-” you cut yourself off, your throat feeling painfully tight and your eyes burning with new tears.

“Wh-what?” his eyes widened and you could see your words crushed him all over again.

“I- I couldn't stop it. I looked at him and thought of you, Dean, in his place. I thought that there might come a moment when you die for good and I- I probably won't have gotten the opportunity to give you all the things you deserve. I will be left behind without you, and I-” a weak whimper as a tear rolled “I couldn't take it. I won't be able to take it.”

“Wha- No.” he breathed out faster than he had in his life before, urgency in his voice “No, hell. No, (Y/n), don't think about that. I'm not- I'm never- Shit, baby girl.” he cradled your face in both his hands, his face closer to yours; his eyes moved back and forth with so many questions running through his mind but only being able to ask one “Why would you think of something like that, kid?”

“I- I know that this life is not made for happily-ever-afters, D, a-and I had never even thought of even having a relationship, let alone someone to love so much it's fulfilling. But then I met you and I-” you looked away for a second, another small sob which earned a soft squeeze from him. Your eyes fell back on him, vision even more blurry as you finally choked out “God, Dean, I can't imagine my life without you. I just can't. Because I love you so much I- I know I will never love another man. I love you so much that you are part of me now. And if I ever lose you I- I swear I will lose my mind.”

“Gosh, (Y/n), no. I-” his eye moved back and forth, unable to find the right words “No, just-” his voice was low and thick, laced with so much emotion and desperation that he couldn't properly speak “You're not gonna lose me, baby. You'll never lose me. I-” he shook his head “I will be damned if I ever leave you alone, I will be damned. I'll- Please, please don't do this to me.”

“I'm- I'm sorry. I don't want to I- I just-” when the new sobs came, it was clear just by the look on his face that it hurt worse than any other physical pain. Worse than being stabbed through the chest.

“No, no. No, princess. Don't. No (Y/n), I-” there was such desperation in his voice that you wanted to get it under control, but the thought and the nightmares had haunted you for so long this was your breaking point. You always wanted to behis rock but at the moment you were caving in.

“No, hey, look at me. Look at me here.” he said firmly “I will never leave you, you hear me? Never. I-” but he stopped himself, with a small shake of his head, he closed the remained gap between the two of you. He pressed a desperate and loving kiss on your lips which you didn't waste a split second to return. He pulled away for a split second before pressing his lips to your over and over again, lips fully on yours, passionate, loving and needy “There is nothing and nobody on this world that will take me away from you, sweetheart. I will always find my way back to you. I will fight against everyone and everything if they try to pull me away from you and I think you know how fucking stubborn I can get when I want to.” a small smirk on his lips managed to make a smile pull on your lips “We're in this, all of this, together. Until the end of the line. (Y/n), I- I love you. I love you with all of my heart. You're-” another more tender and small kiss “Kid, you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, remember?”

Your eyebrows raised a bit in surprise, your eyes widening. Of course you remembered, but you never thought he had truly meant it “I- I do but I thought-”

“Sweetheart, I know I'm not the best when it comes to words but hell if I would ever let go of you. I-” a small, maybe nervous, smile on his lips “I really hoped you'd see it... I wanna grow old with you. Give you that white-picket fence house you were daydreaming about on that case, let you pick the furniture and build whatever I can for you. Heck, I'll gladly let you get that dog... alright, dogs that you wanted. We could even get more than two, so long as they stay away from Baby.”

“D-Dean” you giggled emotionally “It will be impossible to keep three dogs away from your car you know.”

“Three? Well, why not make 'em four. One for each kid to have to play with, hm? Think about it, they're all gonna have more company other than each other, plenty of it in fact for games all around the garden. In which, mind you, I'm definitely building them some swings.”

“Oh my gosh, no, Dean no!” you nearly exclaimed, a giggle slowly following despite the tears in your eyes. You didn't know you could feel such happiness and pain all at once yet here you were “I'm not having four kids! I'm just not!” you hit his chest playfully as it rambled with a chuckle.

“What? You want more?” he raised an eyebrow, playing innocent “Sweetheart, come on, think about it! What if we had twins twice? It'll be easy as that! Plus, don't tell me you wouldn't enjoy the process.”

“Winchester” you groaned, trying to fight the smile that his playful smirk was causing “It is easy for you because you won't be the one carrying them. No! Three is the most you'll get out of me!” another giggle.

“We'll get to see that, sweetheart.” his voice softened just as his features “We have plenty of time ahead. Plenty of it, together. The rest of our lives because we're gonna grow old together.” with his forehead resting against yours, he kissed your lips, smiling “Well, I might. You're still gonna be young and gorgeous like now.”

“Then I guess we're not far from it huh?” you teased a bit and he scoffed, giving you a look.

“Rude. But I'll let it slip, cause you better understand you're pretty much stuck with me. And maybe...” his smile fell this time “If we have more than one boys... we could name one of them Jack.”

His words made your smile fall and more tears form in your eyes “I think it would be beautiful, yes.” you nodded your head slowly “And we'll tell him about the great things Jack did to honor his memory. We'll-” you choked on a sob “Dean, how do I do this? I- I mean I see him and I can barely keep myself from bursting into tears for him. It feels like losing a brother. And I want to be strong but I don't know what to say in the first place...”

He took a deep breath, kissing your forehead and taking hold of one of your hands “Well, I'd say simply being there for him will be enough. And after that... you'll see. Important is to go there and then you'll know what to do and say.” he nodded his head “You'll feel it.”

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