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sounknownvoid · 4 months

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why dean was absolutely frothing to kill chuck/God in s14-15 imo

By s14 we're slowly starting to see the big series villain-reveal is God (spoilers! - but it is a 15xseason series that ended almost 3+ years ago so ya know....catchup) aka chuck.

And you see dean descend into this despair n depression and then absolutely frothing-at-the-mouth-desperate to kill him - at.any.cost - including making Jack into a soul-bomb ... the kid that he did *this* for finally.... birthdays n teaching him to drive in the impala...

And there's been a ton of text on the ptsd dean is sufferring at that stage and it's finally cracked him up (totally plausible) and there's a ton of analysis on how the brother bond with sam talked him down and out of using jack n that the ends doesn't justify the means and "not at any cost" theme from sam and the fact that dean was willing to listen even in that moment (contrasted to chuck n amara) - & i read an awesome analysis n scene-by-scene n line by line breakdown on spn-blr the other day (I Rb-d it the other day) of how dean was stopped cold n brought out of his madness by sam asking him if he'd be willing to sacrifice him ie sam as well in his mad quest to kill God n how dean desperately pleads his case n that chuck MUST die....n I agree with all of it...

BUT what I haven't seen yet is any theories on WHY dean was so angry about it n absolutely crazy about killing god/chuck.... coz here's what's odd to me, about it being dean:

DEAN is the GOOD SOLDIER - he respects authority and father figures in general n even models himself in the patriarchical god's image (be it John or chuck I let you decide) - his whole "free will" thing is a sham / or only within narrowly defined confines acceptable to the patriarchs, because he's always been the one who's followed the rules set for him: by dad,by the hunting life chosen for him by dad, by societal norms,of "being a man", he's always toed the line set for him by dad n although he thinks angels are dickbags, he unquestionably thinks they're the "good guys" - or the "better" option against the alternative: demons n hell (s4 or anytime really even in midst of angel-wars)....he tends to be fairly black n white n even his "rebellion" is only when sam convinces him to walk off the board by saying no to Michael (s5) ...he may scoff at angels n God but he still thinks they're the "appropriate authority" n so while he's upset with how things are run, he's not after a regime change.... he's not the one into "free will" to the point that he'd be willing to kill the ONE TRUE PATRIARCHICAL AUTHORITY ie God...

That was always SAM's gig (n Lucifer)....SAM was the "it's not who you are, it's what you do n you can choose what you do"-guy, SAM was always the one questioning everything n never toeing the line and noticing the corruption in the system n pointing out alternatives n options to everything that they were "destined" for n told to be.... SAM was the one advocating for thinking for yourself...or hell, thinking at all, period... but yes, SAM was also the one with the faith in a higher power n the praying type n had been since his younger days - always the one wanting to believe that there was a higher authority that could save him, absolve him of his sins .... but also not really believing that he deserved to be saved if there really was such a higher power of good... he chose to have faith n hope despite it all...in God.

N then, after all that, they discover it was chuck after all... think about what it means to them in their pov, for a sec:

chuck wrote their lives the way it was with losing their families n letting demons at baby Sam n sam being sold to demon deal by their mother before he was born n dads rage n neglect n conflicted leading to both of them growing up so twisted n isolated n ...

Chuck wrote the big showdown n vessels for heaven n hell n the big throw down pitting brother against each other

Chuck wrote the dying n losing each other n pieces of themselves over n over n over n over n over...

Chuck wrote dean going to hell n sam being tortured in the cage for centuries...

Chuck wrote the big painful heartbreaking,soul-breaking breakups n the lack of trust sown between them by others n by themselves

Chuck wrote the tender moments n the "bro-ments" n "fan-fiction songs" n the caring for each other's wounds n the silent communication between them n the moments of ease n care n laughter n love...

...because, Chuck wrote them as soulmates - wrote the confusing n complicated feelings they had for each other n what it did to them growing up n even after - having to deal with it n figure it out n carry the burden of this connection that meant that they could never fully connect with anyone else despite their attempts n so grew isolated - that never went away even as it twisted n grew thorns n tore them to shreds n they could never let each other go even as it destroyed each other n themselves - because that connection wouldn't let them.... Chuck wrote that.

For his own sick pleasure n entertainment.... which means he heard ALL of sams desperate pleas n prayers throughout his life growing up...n enjoyed it even as he carried on turning the screws on sam (&by extn, dean in deans pov)....which means that all the faith n hope sam chose to put in him ie God- was completely misplaced n in fact in the literal wrong hands - talk about a violation worse than rape?... sam had his faith violated by the very God he chose to believe in after all he'd been through

N the thing is that just like when dean recoiled when John told him that he'd have to kill sam if he couldn't save him n got so mad at John for doing that to him....after he'd given him everything he had...

Similarly, Dean realised a lot of the above n what has him frothing is 2x main things in my mind:

The absolute fury at God for breaking his beloved brother's heart (n soul n mind n body) , doing this to him DELIBERATELY- ie he'd be outraged n furious on sams behalf n all that he's had to go through just for chucks shits n giggles... this would be the righteous big brother-dean fury of epic proportions...

This one I reckon is more on his/their personal behalf n by that I mean their "complicated feelings" for each other - knowing it was there n both felt it n they were brothers would have fked em up pretty badly....n dean especially, often said or did things explicitly to distance himself or sam when younger to deal with this in the "right way" - which absolutely made them both miserable n he hurt sam in the process...he knows sam similarly feels his own guilt n is the source of his self loathing n "uncleanness" just like it is source of dean's amongst others ....BUT by that late season-stage they had both grown to accept it n work with it and had arrived at an understanding of it and each other and by then, they'd felt like it was the "one thing they had of their very own" - not from hunting life,or something from dad or the devil or the destiny laid out for them etc, etc.... it was theirs - they'd found something precious n beautiful n unique n "special" in each other and WITH each other that they'd never found anywhere else n finally had stopped fighting it n had grown into it.....and EVEN THAT wasn't theirs n theirs alone- chuck wrote that....n to dean who'd have struggled with it so much - it'd feel like the one good, non-murdery place in himself n what he'd built with sam was also taken away/polluted n tainted by goddamn chuck....so it's deans violation too...

So yeah it's freewill that dean wants n is fighting to kill chuck for - but it's because it threatens their love n it's a choice that they both made together n he will not have that taken away

n this also is why he thought sam of all people would understand n see that n want to take his ie dean's side that chuck had to go no matter the cost

Anyways sorry it got long... but yeah...this is what my spn-brainrotted brain thinks on why dean was jonesing for chucks blood - coz it hurt sam n coz it invalidated/threatened the integrity of their choice to be who they were to each other....

#supernatural #sam and dean #Sorry it's long - why dean was so mad to kill chuck #Wincest lens #Mine

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roenters · 10 months

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Me when I watched a comic video on yt so got inspired but I had no time or comic making skill so I just made this silly goofy spn comic (if you can call it that) instead

It's just them giving Cas a picture but yk fun times I thought it was pretty fun anyway

Also

This could have become angsty

With

SPN S14/15 I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH ONE SPOILERS!!

The whole Jack being dead for a bit thing.. but I decided for it to be happy so he's probably back in his room somewhere and he'll get a copy later :)

This is the first draft anyway, I've edited it a bit now :]]

#supernatural #supernatural fanart #supernatural comic #doodle #castiel #castiel fanart #sam winchester #sam winchester fanart #dean winchester #jack kline

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blue-chimera · 8 months

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What S15:E20 "Carry On" Did That S15:19 "Inherit the Earth" Couldn't

Before the finale, some of Supernatural's most resonant themes centered on found family ("Family don't end in blood" and "it doesn't start there, either") and anti-suicide messaging (with "Always Keep Fighting" standing as the official/unofficial motto of many in the SPN family).

While Jared was the face of "Always Keep Fighting" IRL, it was Dean, who struggled with depression and low self-esteem for years, who represented the fight against suicide to many viewers of the show... [spoilers below the jump]

So, when Dean dies in the Supernatural finale – and urges Sam to accept his death – it's more than understandable why fans might take that as a tone-deaf repudiation of the show's own message. But I would argue that a deeper, more nuanced message is being communicated to us here: one that embraces & enhances lessons that came before.

Throughout 15 years of Supernatural, Dean frequently devalued his own life. His actions veered from courage into recklessness and even suicidal disregard, and he regularly voiced doubt that his life was important. See: his suggestion in S2:E21 that his life was only meaningful if he sacrificed it to save Sam; his attempt to trade his life for Sam's in S11:E17 "Red Meat;" when he says to Billie, in S13:E5, "I don't matter;" or to Sam (in that same episode), "My whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost... I kept on fighting because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now, Mom and Cas... And I – I don't know. I don't know."

However, by the time we reach the finale, we've seen Dean turn a significant corner on valuing his life and the difference he makes in the world. This turning point is made explicit in S14:E13 "Lebanon," when Sam laments that they can't change the past, and Dean replies, "We've been through some tough times. There's no denying that. And for the longest time, I blamed Dad. I mean, hell, I blamed Mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send Dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I got to be honest... I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am."

This is a remarkable break from Dean's prior attitude and a clear, concrete step towards self-acceptance. Dean actively choses himself as is over a hypothetical do-over... even a do-over that would mean John & Mary Winchester getting to live long lives away from hunting demons & monsters. It feels like Dean has gained a certain amount of wisdom, perspective, emotional maturity, healing – whatever you want to call it – and he's come to view the culmination of his life's experiences (both the joy & the pain) as positive. In learning to accept pain as a part of life, in learning to face it and avoid letting it overshadow the good things, Dean has come to a greater acceptance of his life and of himself.

However, like everyone, Dean is susceptible to backsliding. Most notably, he experiences sharp regression on this front when Mary dies. Once again overwhelmed by pain, he lashes out, turning against Jack and nursing a grudge against Cas, seemingly poised to bury himself in bitterness & despair. But he eventually overcomes this knee-jerk response. Despite his anger and pain (and even pressure from God himself), Dean steps back from the edge, refusing to shoot Jack. In Purgatory, realizing that Cas might die – that he might already be dead – Dean lets go of his anger against the angel, as well, tearfully apologizing for holding a grudge, offering forgiveness of his own, and acknowledging that he struggles with anger issues. And, importantly, this isn't something Dean names once and then forgets. Dean goes on to acknowledge the problem of his anger again in the penultimate episode, suggesting that he's gaining self-awareness & getting better at taking responsibility for his reactions.

Whether he's aware of it or not, Dean's anger issues are almost certainly rooted in feelings of anxiety & helplessness stemming from his parentification as a young child. Dean was aware of the existence of monsters (and the finality of death) and tasked with protecting Sam from these things long before he actually had the skills/capacity to effectively protect his brother. As a result, on at least one occasion, young Dean fails to protect Sam, incurring blame from his father & leading to feelings of worthlessness. Dean reacts to these feelings by manifesting a need for control – convincing himself that the key to protecting his loved ones lies in controlling every variable in their lives, trusting only himself (and, before John's death, his father) to make the necessary decisions to keep their loved ones safe – and by externalizing blame (in an attempt to escape the crippling self-loathing that follows when he blames himself after people he loves get hurt).

Hence, Dean's anger when people deviate from his plans or expectations or fail to disclose information to him, especially when someone gets hurt in the process. Seizing control is an attempt to protect himself from loss & the accompanying pain/fear/grief that's dogged him since the violent death of his mother and the subsequent upending of his world. Anger is his sword and control is his shield.

So, it makes sense that Dean essentially loses his mind when forced to confront his (apparent) helplessness in the fight against God. It's his deepest fear come to life. Dean's inability to face his fear of helplessness (and the loss that goes along with it) makes him vulnerable to Chuck's influence. He can't think clearly past it. It's what drives him to participate in (and make excuses for going along with) Jack's would-be suicide bombing. It's what allows him to be whipped into a frenzy of anger that almost ends in him shooting Sam.

And it's therefore extremely meaningful that Dean acknowledges his anger issues in S15:E9 "The Trap" (while praying to Cas) and then again in E19 "Inherit the Earth." In "The Trap," Dean recognizes that his anger is a problem, but he's still making excuses for it. But by E19, he sees that there are other paths – that he could've chosen to do something different. He's finally come to understand his anger as a reaction to pain & fear, a reaction that he's allowed to control him, and not as just a fact of life.

The seeds of this lesson are planted in E9. We see them take root in E19. Then, E20 rolls around. Months pass in a montage, and the Winchesters appear to have fallen into a comfortable routine: daily chores & exercise, gun-care & research. It looks like life has achieved some level of normalcy for them. "Normalcy" for a Winchester still seems to include hunting, the bunker, and bachelorhood, but now it also includes a dog, smiles, and a notable lack of apocalypses.

And then we get to the pie festival. Here, we finally see what's bloomed from those seeds: while Sam's enjoyment of the event is momentarily marred by thoughts of those they lost, Dean has learned a healthier approach. He's learned to neither avoid his pain nor use it as an excuse to lash out or lean into despair. Instead, he acknowledges it – saying, "That pain's not gonna go away" – and then uses it to affirm his choice to live & experience the joys of life: "But if we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing."

In Dean's calm, contemplative assurance, we hear echoes of that earlier "I'm good with who I am." His pain no longer overshadows his joy. It no longer makes him doubt the value of his life, or whether it was all worth it. Somewhere in the months between defeating God and this moment, these lessons have matured to full growth, and Dean's found peace.

The rest of the episode puts this idea to the ultimate test – whether Sam & Dean are able to actually follow theory with action when it comes to each other. Again, Dean leads the way: as he's accepted the deaths of others in their lives, he accepts his own death. He reminds Sam that it was always going to be this way, suggesting that he was never going to willingly step back from hunting, and he knew (as we did, as we saw and heard again & again) that hunting was inevitably fatal, if you did it long enough. Dean's death throws into stark relief the immense danger of even a "routine" hunt, underscoring his immense courage in dedicating himself to that path. His death isn't flashy. It isn't a fairytale or action movie ending. It isn't there to entertain us, as if we were Chuck. It's just a death. It provokes the same feelings of helplessness & loss that Dean himself struggled with... and eventually learned to face.

Here, it's useful to reflect back on the themes of the show. Now, it's true that one of the points of the show was the importance of fighting on without being deterred by despair. But, balanced against that, we also saw the dangers of refusing to face pain & loss head-on (being unable to accept natural consequences). Dean makes a deal & goes to Hell because he can't cope with the idea of Sam being dead. In doing so, he sets off a chain of events that leads to the apocalypse. Sam forces a witch to cast black magic (and sacrifice a man's life) to save Dean from the Mark of Cain because he can't cope with the thought of Dean's eternal suffering. In doing so, he sets off a chain of events that leads to mass death at the hands of the Darkness. (We also see this lesson emerge in smaller plot points, such as when Dean is forced to be Death for a day.) And this is the point Dean is driving at in "Lebanon," as well: about learning to accept the bad alongside the good.

Thus, one of the big overall messages of the show comes out to something less like "always keep fighting" and more like the Serenity Prayer: it's about the courage to keep fighting even in the darkest times, when the odds are slim and hope is faint; but also the serenity (or perspective, or emotional maturity) to accept things you can't or shouldn't fight (when fighting would do more harm than good, or it's not your choice to make); and the wisdom to know the difference. Without Dean's death in 15x20 [or Sam's], we can't see that crucial character growth in terms of wisdom & perspective. If we fade to black while both boys are still alive and pretend to ourselves that no one ever has to die, we lose that nuance. Likewise if they died together (allowing both to avoid facing a life that includes the other's death).

So, far from being tone-deaf or antithetical to the message of the show, Dean's death in 15x20 carries one of the largest pieces of ongoing tension (Sam & Dean's struggle to process/accept the pain of loss, esp. loss of each other, even when failing to do so risks destroying the world) to a satisfying conclusion.

And this lesson isn't limited in applicability to stories where supernatural forces can intervene in matters of life & death. In the real world, it looks like accepting a relative's decision to move to hospice care when they're finished fighting a terminal diagnosis & they're ready to seek improved quality of life, even if it costs them the chance for a little more time. It looks like putting down a beloved pet to spare them great suffering you can't otherwise alleviate. It looks like all sorts of hard but necessary choices people make in end-of-life care.

In the end, S15:E20 "Carry On" elevates the overall message of Supernatural from something solid but not particularly noteworthy (as far as shows of this type go, "keep fighting" is a pretty basic message) to something outstanding, the kind of powerful & nuanced message you can only get from a show that keeps taking risks right up until the very end. Time/budgetary limitations forced the seams to show ever so slightly more than in past episodes (would I have loved a better wig, or more shots establishing that that barn was in the middle of nowhere? Sure), but this is, overall, an ambitious episode that sticks the landing. Grounded in reality and true to the seasons before it, "Carry On" is a bittersweet masterpiece... and a fitting end to 15 years.

#spn #spoilers #dean winchester #understanding dean winchester #finale #carry on #character analysis #spn meta

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cigarettestreetlight · 1 year

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Possible supernatural spoilers?////

(but if you haven't heard about the shit that's happened in this show already where have you been?)

Anyway.... So I was watching supernatural, and I finally got to season 14. And I've already decided after what happens to cas I will not be watching the last episode, maybe not the last few. I've had my heart ripped out too often already by too many shows and I can not take it. But I got to like episode 9 in that show I think? When dean gets possessed by Michael again, bc of course he does. But yeah, I heard the deal cas made and now I'm scared to watch the next episode. So of course, I went back a few seasons, as a typical person in denial does...

And now I'm back in season 2. I skipped season 1 bc just no, I considered jumping to season 4 honestly. But just seeing everyone so freaking young again? Like absolute babies. And god, dean is so angry and Sam is just kinda lost, almost still seems out of place. And their dad still acting like an asshole. But I saw bobby again and he's alive and walking and oml. I missed this part of the show. Where all the lighting was so dark and depressing and yet things were slightly more simple, at least more simple them they were in s14.

Idk, I just love getting close to the end of a show and just starting it over again without finishing it. I think I did that with game of thrones like 3 times now, I'm refusing to watch season 8 bc I'm scared for how I know it's going to end.

Anyway, spn S2 vibes are great so far. I'm enjoying myself and not being scared for what's coming next bc I know they live for a while after this. My innocence and hope has been restored

#supernatural #random supernatural rant?#scared for s15 though #spn spoilers #possibly?

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the-boy-king-rp-multi · 3 years

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Okay but unpopular opinion: I wish we would've gotten the endverse ending personally tbh.

The whole "Welcome to the end." At the end of s14, Dean acting like endverse Dean in s15, Sam's samifer vision/nightmare via his connection with Chuck bc of the bullet, Michael being out of the cage

I just rly wish we'd gotten to see the fight that torches half the planet at least once 😭

Like damn I wish we got more than one ep to explore endverse and samifer as a whole tbh

5x04 "The End":

vs.

15x17 "Unity":

And we would've come full circle back to the Season 5 story arc we could've had from 5x04 "The End":

Especially with what Chuck says in the season 14 finale, 14x20 "Moriah":

Not to mention the Lucifer! Sam vision/nightmare Sam saw vis his connection with Chuck in 15x05, "Proverbs 17:3":

Just think it would've made a nice ending to come full circle to the iconic fight that was supposed to happen in season 5, and leave for a fitting ending- even if it ended in the most destructive way possible.

(gif credits to: subcas, jaredandjensen, agusvedder, itendsbad)

#ooc; the bisexual disaster #mun rambles #verse; we will always end up here 🌹#verse; lucifer! sam #samifer #Lucifer! sam #endverse #spn s15 spoilers #spn s14 spoilers #spn spoilers #supernatural spoilers #sh: supernatural #ch: sam winchester #supernatural #sam winchester #chuck shurley #dean winchester #okay to reblog

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pallasperilous · 5 years

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My buddy, my guy, you really gotta work on the ole creative problem-solving skills

#spn fanart #spn spoilers #dean winchester #dean you sweet perfect dumbass #spn s14 spoilers #supernatural #pallasperilous art #pallasperilous crack

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castielslostwings · 5 years

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BTW Chuck 14x20 confirmed canon multiverses- “all the Sam and Deans in all the multiverse, you’re my favorite.” So you know, all of our fics are canon now. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t make the rules

#destiel #supernatural #castiel #spn #misha collins #dean winchester #chuck #god #multiverse #spn s14 spoilers #spn s15 spoilers #season 14 finale #14x20

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fandom-hoarder · 6 months

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#spn scripts #posts i can't reblog cuz of reasons #dad!sam #my heart. my heart!#spn s14 #spn spoilers #< jic

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teamfreewill2pointo · 5 years

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10.23 // 14.20

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misha-moose-dean-burger-lover · 5 years

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Jack: Today's question is, how do you deal with a crush?

Sam, Cas, Gabe, Dean: *facepalm* not again

Jack: yes again. So dads, what do you do when you have a crush?

Sam, takes the lead to do a little teaching of good values and crap: well, Jack, what I try to do is understand my feelings before I talk to them, and when I do approach them, I am always respectful and mindful of their wishes and I tell them how I feel and compliment them -

Dean, snickering: yeah, right

Sam: Shut up Dean.

Dean: why you gotta lie to the kid, Sammy? We all know that when you have a crush, you get as far away from the person as you can, otherwise they'd start liking you back and then you two'd end up banging and ta-da, they're dead

Sam: ...I hate you

Dean: *shrugs*

Jack, nodding and absorbing: what about you, Dean?

Dean, promptly: Well what you gotta do is judge if they're in your league or not

Jack: if they are?

Dean: you put on the charm. Remember the blue-steel I showed you once?

Jack: the face I caught you practising in the mirror and you begged me to forget, but I never did?

Dean: yeah that's the one

Jack: and what if they aren't in my league?

Dean: you wait for the crush to go away

Jack, nodding: how long does that take?

Dean: depends on a lot of factors. Could be a week, or could be -

Sam, interrupting with a smirk: 10 years, inclusive of time spent in other realms such as purgatory

Jack: that LONG?

Sam, smirking wider as Dean goes red: oh yeah Jack, 10 years and running

Jack, nodding and accepting: I see. What about you, Castiel?

Cas: I...*thinks about raising Dean from hell, rebelling, fighting his garrison, falling from grace, disobeying Naomi, disobeying direct orders from Heaven, choosing him over an entire army, annoying a cosmic being enough to be brought back, healing every little bruise on his perfect face* I believe in grand gestures, Jack

Dean: *narrowing his eyes*

Sam, feeling pity for his brother: No Cas, you don't. You're a deathbed-confession guy

Cas: oh yes. That.

Jack, nodding: cool.

Cas, wistfully: but that didn't work either so I don't know if anything ever will.

Jack: why don't you try doing something he likes with him?

Cas, touchy about the topic: You mean, like, cowboy around with him with a hat? Dress up as a medical practitioner to satisfy his kinks?

Dean, growing suspicious: that's weirdly specific Cas

Cas: I can't eVEN

BONUS

Jack: what about you, uncle Gabe? What do you do when you have a crush?

Gabriel, thinking about all the weird shit he's done to Sam, ranging from killing his brother 104 times in a day to picking his side over the rest of his family's, from giving him genital herpes to making him suffer in Nutcracker, and so on and so forth: heh

Jack: what?

Gabriel: ...archangels don't get crushes hehe

Jack, nodding: okay thanks

*in another corner of the room*

Dean and Cas, at the same time: its okay Sam - NO - DON'T try to strangle yourself it's fine he's just dodging the question - nO SAM don't try to strangle him either - sAM you're scaring us now please start b r e a t h i n g

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angeltiddies · 5 years

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Prompt: For Dean's birthday, Cas Googles "presents for loved ones" and inadvertently follows recommendations for romantic gifts.

Shit. Okay. Hi anon, i forgot how to see inbox notifs and have no clue if u sent this during my drunk promt ask or sober prompt ask but will fill now.

Alright nvm ^^^ that didn’t happen.

I lost this prompt for days after I got drunk and I couldn’t find it in my drafts and alas, finally. Anyways, this was written fully sober, lmao.

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart, 2.2k,

fluff, light angst, post s14. (ao3 link if u want)

It’s January 20th, 4 days out from Dean’s 40th birthday and he still has yet to decide on a gift. It’s his first time, really, buying Dean a birthday gift. Sure, there had been the pack of funny socks he had snagged in passing from the check out at a Gas-N-Sip, but there hadn’t been any thought behind that, no planning, nothing that Castiel thought constituted the socks as a gift. Not really.

Not only that, but there had never really been occasion to purchase a gift for Dean until now. Sam and Castiel had decided that, with the world coming to an end and all, Dean finally deserved a proper birthday party. In years past, he had either insisted on drowning out his birthday’s with booze or insisted on ‘no gifts.’

Castiel isn’t sure why, maybe because the eldest Winchester brother would only feel more indebted to the others around him, or perhaps because he simply didn’t like gifts. Either way, that’s why it became his mission to get the perfect gift for Dean. Something that isn’t a curse, but a comfort.

The time after Mary and Jack had passed away and Chuck opened the gates of hell had been rough for Dean and him. Sam had kept a protective arm’s length between Castiel and Dean, insisting Dean needed time. It hurt to feel their bond being stretched thin as he’d watch Dean across the bunker from the corner of his eye, careful not to step into his space. Castiel had decided to stay in the bunker despite the tension though, Sam insisting they needed all hands on deck as they began on the long road to killing God.

Still, despite their close proximity, and the time they’ve had to heal, he can’t help but feel further from Dean.

Cas remembers when Sam told a story of the time he gave Dean a chocolate bar and some motor oil for Christmas. Apparently, Dean had lit up at the sentiment, but Castiel can’t handle settling for something like that.

Dean deserves something special.

Castiel begins his search on Google using the simplest, most “Dean” search terms he can think of.

Men’s flannels

Not special enough

Classic records

Maybe some time, but still, not good enough.

A new pair of boots

Shoes are always too risky.

Cowboy costume

Halloween maybe, but not for this.

Guns

Dean already has one he trusts.

It’s been nearly two hours browsing Google and Amazon before Castiel has to take a break and let his head loll back with a sigh.

After stretching a bit and standing up to pace the length of the bunker, he finally settles on a Google search that he’s sure will bear fruit.

Gifts to show you care for someone.

Castiel takes his time clicking through the links and scrolling through many of the lists. He nearly gives up when finally, an article entitled, “Gifts to Connect You to the Person You Care About” catches his eye.

Cas smiles at the headline and clicks through the list, cataloging the possibilities away in his mind.

However, all those possible gifts dissipate from his mind as soon as he sees it. It’s perfect, and they have some in stock at the Bed Bath & Beyond an hour and a half away in Nebraska. With that, Cas calls a “Be back later!” into the seemingly empty bunker and heads out to fetch Dean’s gift.

When he finally arrives at the store, he makes his way inside and heads to the sleep section, his eyes lighting up when he sees what he’s looking for on the shelf below a big “As Seen On TV” sticker.

Next to the sticker it reads: “Bed Beats”

Bed Beats are a pair of wristbands and compact speakers that are connected via wifi anywhere in the world. Just slip the wristband on, place the disc speaker underneath your pillow and send a request to your partner through the app. When they slip on their own wristband, the device will relay their heartbeat to your speaker and vice versa. Never feel disconnected again.

Castiel grins, giddy, and picks up the first box on the shelf. It’s exactly what he and Dean need. It’s the perfect way for Cas to watch over Dean without invading his space. It’s anatomical communication without speech. Cas will know when Dean needs help as his heartbeat speeds up, he’ll know when he’s at peace, he’ll know he’s alive.

He also blinks at the bursting yellow sticker that sits on the top left corner of the box that exclaims, “Great for Long Distance Couples!”

They may not be a couple, but with the way that their souls and relationship has grown distant, Castiel decides that’s enough to classify them as ‘long distance.’

As he waits in the line to check out, Cas also grabs a simple card and a tube of discounted, red wrapping paper left over from the holiday season.

When he gets back to his car, he decides it’s best to get everything in order before presenting the gift to Dean. When he finally gets into the heavily taped box, he pulls out one set of the wristband/speaker combos and sets it aside for himself.

Before shrouding the other set in the metallic, red of post-Christmas, 99¢ wrapping paper, he syncs the devices and downloads the app to avoid the hassle of setting it up later.

Then, he writes, with his thigh as a sort of table, in the card with an old pen he found in the console of his truck.

I’m including the instruction booklet in this card (please don’t read until after you open the gift!)

Dean,

I know I’ve made so many mistakes lately, and that perhaps we do not see eye to eye on everything any longer, but this is a chance to connect without having to agree. Just to sleep and not be so alone.

Happy Birthday. I hope you like it.

Yours, Castiel

However, he scribbles out the ‘yours’ as it feels out of place in this letter. With that, he seals the card, and the instructions, into a white envelope with Dean’s name in angelic script printed on the front.

The drive home is pleasant and he can’t help but feel butterflies for the moment he gets to present it to his charge.

The next days pass silently, Castiel with his gift for Dean hidden in his own closet and nearly forgotten amid all the preparations for the party.

Sam was in charge of inviting people and Dean had insisted on being in charge of food and drinks. On the day of the party, Castiel sits off to the side as many of the guests enter, most are hunters he’s never met before, and he can’t help but feel like an outsider as the day of barbequing and reminiscing devolves into pie and drunkenness by nightfall.

He’s glad to see Jody and Claire, but even then, their conversations are stilted, both of them want to speak primarily to Dean, the ‘birthday boy’, while Cas isn’t allowed that luxury.

He sits away from Dean all night, only making contact to say “Happy Birthday, Dean” after he blows out the ‘4’ and ‘0’ candles that someone stuck straight through the latticework on a sweet, cherry pie. Cas smiles as Claire goes up and whispers something to Dean that makes him throw his head back in laughter and begin a lively conversation with her.

That’s when he realizes he’s on the outside looking in.

From where he stands, nursing a finger of whiskey, he can see Alex and Garth discussing the medical anomalies of Lycanthropes, Sam, apocalypse-world-Bobby, Donna and Jody playing some sort of cards-and-drinking game, a few people he doesn’t know attempting beer pong in the war room and even a pair of local hunters musing over the library’s expansive collection.

He’s an outsider like he’s always been with the Winchesters. When he’s not of use, he feels unwelcome. He knows there’s never any ill intent, but even now, when he doesn’t even need his angel mojo, he still doesn’t quite fit. He doesn’t understand half of the banter thrown around the room, he can’t get drunk unless he drinks the entirety of the Men of Letters scotch collection, and he can’t interact with the guests without Dean coming up.

At this, loneliness overtaking him, he decides to retreat to his room to wait the party out.

He sends a nod and a tip of his glass to Sam before motioning that he’s leaving, Sam acknowledges him with a grin, drunk on whiskey and the excitement of the party, and Cas slips out of sight.

Before letting himself rest, he sneaks into Dean’s room to place the card and the gift on his bed.

He decides it’s best that way.

–

Castiel keeps his personal speaker and wristband close to him, beside his phone on his nightstand, hoping that some night it will be of use. He feels the uncertainty drift in and out as each night passes without so much as an acknowledgment of the gift.

A week passes before anything happens. It’s 3 am when Castiel’s ears pick up on the small ‘ding’ that pops out of his phone speakers.

He rolls over and grabs his phone. On the screen sits a notification.

Bed Beats

Dean would like to share his heartbeat. Accept?

Castiel grins into the dark and arranges the speaker underneath his pillow before securing the soft band around his wrist at his pulse point.

With a tentative thumb, he swipes to accept and lays his right ear down onto his pillow to hear Dean. He can hear his heart beating quickly, possibly a nightmare, Cas thinks, and wills his own jittery heart to slow. He has to be the grounding one for Dean, has to be a comfort.

His own heart beats deep like a drum, and soon he can hear Dean’s heart rate slowing to match his own. Soon, they’re in perfect sync with one another. He feels closer to Dean than he has in months and hopes Dean feels the same.

He listens as his charge’s heart rate begins to slow even more, to around 75 beats per minute, he notes, and assumes he’s slipping into sleep.

Castiel, usually one for wandering the bunker after the brothers are asleep, doesn’t dare lift his head from his pillow until Dean ends the connection come morning light.

It continues like this for many weeks, Dean requesting Castiel’s heartbeat in the wee morning hours, disconnecting at sunrise, and going about the days as if nothing has changed.

Nothing’s really changed during the day. They continue to keep their distance. Dean thanks him for making the coffee one Sunday morning and Sam tells Cas, “See, space is all you needed,” his eyes sincere, “It’s healing.” But Sam doesn’t know the reason the healing process has begun to speed up. Cas can tell Dean hasn’t told his brother of the gift, and he prefers it that way. It’s the first thing between them that Sam isn’t clued into since before Mary’s passing. That alone brings him peace.

It’s a Tuesday in early March when everything shifts. Cas is lying on his back in his bed, nerves nearly taking him. Dean almost always pings by 3 am, and now it’s 45 minutes past and he’s trying to keep calm.

A sound makes Castiel’s ears prick up, but this time it’s not a sharp ‘ding,’ it’s the soft sound of knuckles rapping on his door.

Cas, beneath the covers in his most comfortable shirt, one Dean loaned him for the brief period he was human, props himself up on one elbow and quirks his head as the door opens softly, revealing Dean in his doorway.

He’s in a Led Zeppelin t-shirt with holes around the seams, and a pair of black briefs, and the “Send Noods” socks Castiel bought him.

“Dean?”

“Hey, Cas” Dean whispers into the darkness as he steps into the room, shutting the door behind him with care.

Words die on Castiel’s lips and his breath hitches as Dean pads, soft and calm, to his bedside.

He lifts the corner of Castiel’s blankets ever so slightly and looks down into the glint of Castiel’s blue eyes as if asking permission. Castiel gives him a slight nod and holds his breath as Dean lifts the covers further and slips in under them. He positions himself with his head resting on the left side of Castiel’s chest, ear right above his heart and arm draped across him, hand gently thumbing at the soft fabric on Castiel’s right shoulder.

Castiel can feel his own heart rate pick up, it’s swift and uncontrollable and it’s filling his vessel up to the brim with hard thumps. He’s beginning to wonder if he’ll ever breathe again when a low thud overcomes his near panic.

As bright as a bell in a void, he hears it, Dean’s heartbeat, drumming from the deep. This time it’s his charge’s heart that’s strong and steadfast and convinces Castiel’s own to join it in slow synchronization.

Castiel takes in a breath and slows his own heart rate. He sees Dean’s eyelids flutter shut and he lets his chin rest in the soft of Dean’s hair, his left hand rubbing slow circles into his back.

“I missed you.”

Dean doesn’t speak, but Castiel can feel the whisper of a smile move on his chest.

As he lets himself drift into peace, thoughts blink in his mind at the pace of his heart.

I fit here. Dean fits here. This is my family. This is who I love. This is home.

____

(Gift based on this!!!)

#deancas #destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel ficlet #destiel drabble #angel !!#king !!#prompt fill #asks #johnlockshire #anon #Johnlockshire replies #s14 spoilers #spn s14 spoilers #my fics

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coinofstone · 4 years

Text

On Balls and Sticks

Just FYI I dug this out of an abandoned 14x10 post that’s been sitting in my drafts for a year. Now, my swiss cheese brain doesn’t remember if anyone’s already covered this, so apologies if I’m rehashing someone else’s work. This was part of a much longer post analyzing the shit out of the set dec in these scenes, which I ended up abandoning because I couldn’t get the images to work. Now that I’ve solved that dilemma, I may revisit the post in its entirety in the future, but after seeing the ‘Drowning’ video Shaving People Punting Things posted, I had to dig this back up. For now, I want to talk about this shot:

At the time it stuck out to me because it’s so deliberate, but also so seemingly odd, random, until I stared at the pool table for a while. Is it insane to analyze billiard balls to this extent? Maybe, but here we are. This is the section I originally wrote on this shot:

All hail Amanda Tapping. Now I didn’t catch this shot, other than noticing that it seemed odd for what it was shooting - but that’s because the pesky dialog and characters in the background aren’t the goddamn point. I’ve gotta give @naruhearts @thetwistedwillow and @castielslostwings all the credit in the world for a) bringing this up and b) midwiving this shit out of me. The first thing I’ll bring up is the (white) cue ball and (black) 8 ball being positioned across from each other, easily interpreted to represent good and evil. The three numbered balls positioned defensively, or perhaps defiantly, in a row in the middle: green stripe (Dean), blue stripe (Castiel) and maroon solid (Sam). The Dean and Cas balls are stripes, but the Sam ball is a solid. To me, it’s intentionally differentiating Sam from Dean and Cas - those two have something in common with each other that they do not share with Sam. (Hint: it’s romantic love.) This is especially notable considering the maroon color of Sam’s ball is also available in a striped ball in any given set. The cue stick between the white ball and the numbered balls indicating the divide separating TFW and good - God and his self-imposed restriction from meddling in human affairs - evil (8 ball) has no such restriction, while still being in opposition to or confrontation with the colored balls. So TFW is left to fight evil or Lucifer without assistance from God or Heaven. Additionally, the lights above the table - notice how there is three framed together and one on the opposite side of the pillar? One off on its own. Anyone who has read my Jack Meta piece knows that this episode spent a good chunk of time painting Jack as ‘other’ in the context of TFW. I believe this also represents that, three lights (Dean, Cas, Sam) together and one, the same but separated (Jack). Dean, Pamela, and ‘drunk’ vamp are also framed together within that shot - further representing three together, as well as the three stools and the three beer taps. These don’t have the single lone figure off to the side, (though the stools might, there IS one on the other side of that post but honestly it’s not really a focal point in this shot) so I think it’s more about the unity of the three than it is about the isolation of one. There is a whole load of actual color meta that can be read from this, but I’m not going to go into that here.

Now, the benefit of hindsight here is that I can pat myself on the back for the stuff about Jack being framed as ‘other’, but the real treat is that now I can look back on this and go ‘Wait! the fucking pool cue is Jack too!’ - I’ve specced that the ultimate endgame move for the show will be to have Jack resurrected at full power and use those powers to defeat a weakened Chuck, possibly locking him away like Chuck had once done to Amara, but more likely just locking him the fuck out of our universe. Looking back at this, I think it’s plausible that however it’s done, Chuck is going to be cut off from the rest of our world by Jack, much like the cue ball is cut off from the others by the pool stick in the shot above. While this does slightly alter my original perception of the visual narrative in this shot, foreshadowing God being cut off from the rest of our world deliberately by Jack versus Chuck cutting himself off from our world and the boys’ fight against evil, one thing remains the same - it’s still TFW vs evil, unrestricted. I’m taking this to indicate that by the end, they’ll not have sealed off Hell completely, or permanently rid the world of monsters, but they will still be there to fight them, or (hopefully) advise and assist others who choose to do so, in a more supervisory capacity. Interestingly, now that we know Rowena sits on the throne as the Queen of Hell, given her own character journey it’s entirely possible that there is a further layer to the positioning of the balls in this shot. Evil, or in this case, the Queen of Hell herself, could very possibly be read to be... on the same side as TFW against Chuck, you could say, backing them, even... Now there’s an interesting thought. Well, time will tell, anyway.

Now, I know you’re saying, ‘But Coin, why the fuck are you rambling about a shot of balls from over a year ago, now? What’s this got to do with the Drowning video? Why are you posting two separate analyses in one night when you usually average about one post per year?’ WELL. I’ll tell you, since you’ve asked so nicely. It was another blink-and-you’ll-miss-it shot from the Drowning promo video, but I would’ve shot up from my seat in triumph when I saw it, had my sciatica not been acting up. Behold, my validation:

What’s that you say? I’m insane you say? Well, you’re not wrong, but neither am I:

Look I spent like three days teaching myself to make gifs from blu-rays I haven’t figured out how to make the words I add to pictures shrink legibly when I resize for tumblr and I’m not gonna figure that shit out tonight, so just - it’s the fuckin balls again. The TFW balls are positioned with Dean and Cas together and Sam slightly off on his own, one space away from Dean. Maybe the orange solid ball between them is Eileen, GASP! maybe it’s Rowena because GINGER, maybe I just need to go to bed, but I’m NOT seeing things.

I’m just sayin’, man. The fuckin DeanCas balls wanna be together.The Sam ball wants to be slightly off on his own. Who is Sam even playing pool with he has no friends. I’m not going to sit here and suggest they set up like a trick table or something to get the balls to do what they wanted them to do - but, you know, as long as Jared hits it consistently they really only need a couple takes to realize placing all three of the relevant balls on the back line isn’t going to work because they will mostly scoot off on the break - leaving the Cas ball on the back line where it’s sitting sort of, say, on top of, or under, the Dean ball (ahem.) while still being visibly next to it, doesn’t hurt the metaphor/visual at all while also adding that layer about Cas going off on his own sometimes, which is something he, ya know, does. Sam’s ball not moving much could indicate that he intends on staying in the bunker or in the life, or it could very well just be where it ended up. This isn’t mean to be a conspiracy theory post and I really don’t want to dive any deeper into the possible machinations behind this shot - but I do want to point out that Sam’s initial rack is not how I learned how to rack, and contrary to what this post suggests I don’t actually spend a lot of time analyzing the pool tables in this show, so I don’t know if they normally follow any kind of method or if they just throw the balls in all willy-nilly every time. What I do know, is that this little blip in the promo made me think of the shot from Nihilism, and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

#SPN #spn spoilers #spn meta #spn s15 spec #spn s15 spoilers #spn s15 #spn s14 #spn s14 spoilers #spn 14x10 #14x10 meta #destiel endgame #destiel positive #visual narrative #balls #over-analysis of billiard tables #I will never get the hang of tagging #MetaCoin

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