#Billy has a lot of work before he's the Billy in my post season 4 fic
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“They’ll be okay,” Eddie says, eyeing the spiked bat nervously as though Billy might take it to his kneecaps. He’s definitely considered it and he knows that Henderson has been tattling about the plate incident.
“‘I wasn’t worried,” Billy grunts, even though it’s a lie. Every part of him tensed up the second Max and Steve left his sight.
“Sure,” Eddie says slowly, tapping his fingers against his knees. There’s some sort of permanently jittery air about him, some manic energy that makes it impossible to sit still. Billy sighs and tips his head back against the glass, thinking that maybe he can catch a quick cat nap while they wait. No one’s really had any sleep since Vecna’s first attack and they’re all running on caffeine and the memory of sleep.
Billy feels as though he hasn’t slept in a year. Does being dead count as sleep?
“Hey,” Eddie whispers and nudges Billy’s elbow with his own, forcing Billy to open his eyes. “Uhhh. Given that we’re about to head into hell itself and willingly put ourselves up as bait to a swarm of demonic bats controlled by an all seeing villain, I think that maybe we should air some shit out.”
Billy twists his head to get a good look at Munson’s tense face. Ah, fuck.
“I get the feeling that you don’t like me and that might be a problem if you have to watch my back during all this,” Eddie babbles on, keeping an eye on Lucas and Chrissy who are talking quietly to each other near the front of the RV, Henderson pacing up and down. Chrissy is curled up in a chair, still wearing her Hawkins Tigers sweatshirt, anxiously ripping the label off a water bottle. Max had been adamant about baiting Vecna, arguing that her music and Lucas would all be enough to keep her alive. The decision weighs heavily on Chrissy - also hunted, also haunted - but her part is no less risky. She’ll have to actually step into the Upside Down to act as a distraction. There’s still a chance Vecna could get her there but she also won’t be talked out of it.
“It’s fine,” Billy says, turning his head back and leaning it against the window. His head is thumping and everything still feels like too much after the Upside down. Everything is too bright and too raw. Sunlight feels too hot on his skin, water is like glass down his throat. He wonders sometimes if he forgot how to be human. But he knows that’s bullshit. He forgot how to do that long before the Mind Flayer. “We don’t have a problem.”
“I kind of get the feeling that you do,” Eddie says, looking like he really regrets this conversation. They never spoke during their brief shared time at Hawkins High to Billy’s knowledge. There’s probably a good reason for it. “Which is fine, I get it. I would too if…it doesn’t matter. I’m just saying that we’re about to go into some mega shit and you and I have a similar interest in this mission going well.” His eyes flick to Chrissy. Ah. By ‘similar interests’ he means keeping both redheads alive and away from Vecna.
“Look, even if I did have a problem, I wouldn’t let it get in the way of watching your back,” Billy says sharply. “Because the minute I do, the bats go back to Vecna and attack Wheeler’s group before they have a chance to take him out. Which kind of puts my sister in a less-than-alive position, okay?”
“Good,” Eddie says hesitantly. “Just checking.” He slumps back in his seat and begins to pick black nail polish off his fingernails.
Ugh. This is why Billy doesn’t do this kind of crap.
“I didn’t…totally like you in the Upside Down. If that’s what you were picking up on.” Eddie’s head jerks up, like a puppy presented with a bone.
“Is this down to the whole not exactly jumping in feet first to save Harrington kind of thing?” And Billy tightens his grip around Steve’s nailed bat.
“I’m not wild about it,” he says through gritted teeth. Then again, he’s not wild about Wheeler diving in head first either or her suddenly forgetting her long term boyfriend. But hey, that’s actually kind of a habit for her, right?
“Yeah, so having guts isn’t exactly my strong point,” Eddie says sheepishly. “I didn’t really expect this whole end of the world thing to have the clause of a ragtag group of losers being the only thing between Hawkins and total destruction, you know? There should be guns and tanks and big government agencies coming in for this thing. Not a bunch of kids in a RV.”
Billy’s grip loosens ever so slightly.
“Yeah, well,” he says gruffly. “I’m not what you’d call a hero either.”
“No?”
“Well, last time I was a possessed vessel for Vecna’s mind controlled, bleach chugging, murdering army so….” Billy shrugs and enjoys the look on Eddie’s face. He chuckles and tips his head back. “I’m guessing they missed that bit out.”
“Yeah, a bit,” Eddie says, letting out a long, slow breath. “I mean, I just used to think you died in the fire at Starcourt, you know? Like Heather and David and everyone else. There was an assembly about it. But I’m guessing…”
“None of them ever actually died at Starcourt,” Billy says, tapping the end of the bat on the floor. He needs something else to focus on, other than Eddie’s open face. He doesn’t want to talk about last year, not to Max, not to anyone. But Eddie wasn’t there. Somehow that feels easier. “They were all used as part of the monster’s body. They were just dissolved, all of them. Everyone but me.”
“But you still died,” Eddie says gingerly. Billy sucks in a breath, unable to stop it all flooding back to him. It comes in waves: the light over Starcourt, the stench of acid and blood, hearing the jagged rasp of his own breath. Eleven, bruised but alive. Max begging for him to get up. Only having enough strength to say two words to her.
“Yeah,” Billy says quietly.
“I’ve got debts to pay back,” he admits. “To Steve, to Lucas. Max, especially. And Eleven, if I ever see her again. And I’ve got my own issues with that fucker in my head, you know? For a week, I was under his control. I didn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. My body wasn’t my own. Dying was almost easier.” Something in Eddie’s face shifts, his jaw moving as he searches for the right words.
“I don’t want anyone to die this time,” and Billy doesn’t even have to look to know that he means Chrissy. It’s too easy to catch the way his eyes always drift to Chrissy, finding her as easily as the north star.
Billy knows that feeling all too well. His star just vanished, bloodied and bandaged, into the Warzone.
“Me either,” Billy says. He has enough red in his ledger. It’s time to make some of it clean again. He can’t do much about Wheeler’s group - he doesn’t like it but they’re the three most capable of surviving. He half wishes he could go with Max, unhappy with leaving her with only Lucas and Erica to look out for her. But they’re in Hawkins for real, and least likely to need physical protection. He only has control over looking out for Munson, Henderson and Chrissy. And yeah, Henderson is annoying as shit and Munson’s not much better but he’s not going to let anyone die. Not again.
He sees Heather’s face in his dreams. Of all the deaths he has on his conscience, her’s is the worst. The first he took down with him.
“It’s a bat shit crazy plan,” Eddie mutters, burying his face in his hands. “Absolutely insane.”
“Pretty standard for this group,” Billy says easily. Clearly rising from the dead in an alternate dimension makes him better equipped to deal with this than Munson. “But maybe it’s crazy enough to work?”
They share a look. They might still come out on top. But half their party is missing and apparently out of contact and their plan involves Max being used as bait, sending Steve and the others into the Creel house and Billy watching out for a cheerleader and two Hellfire dorks as they distract a bunch of ravenous demon bats.
Yeah. This should work great.
“Look,” Eddie says again, looking as though he found some more nerve from their sudden camaraderie. “If you think there’s anything between me and Steve, you’re wrong…” Billy’s whole body jerks and he whips his head to the front. But Lucas and the others haven’t heard, Henderson loudly complaining about the time.
“Shut the fuck up,” Billy says in a low voice, settling his eyes on Eddie. His breath catches in his throat, even though he knows that Neil is long gone, that his death has given him an unexpected clean slate. But old habits die hard and Billy can still feel the ghost of knuckles colliding with his cheek. “You don’t know what you’re talking about so don’t fucking bring it up again, okay?”
Eddie pales, eyes drawn back to the bat in Billy’s hands.
“I won’t,” he says hurriedly. “I wouldn’t say anything, I swear. I just…thought you should know.” Mollified, Billy leans back in his seat.
“Yeah,” he says, shortly. “Thanks.”
Munson knows. He knows. And Billy suspects that the band chick, Robin, isn’t far behind. And Max…
Max is better at keeping secrets these days. But Billy’s secret is no longer just his and it’s sliding like sand from between his fingers. He’s being too obvious - unable to keep his eyes from Steve’s bare chest, his fingers too slow to slip away from Steve’s after pulling him up, wiping blood from the cut on Steve’s face. Hell, it was Steve’s presence in the Upside down that woke him after all.
Steve can’t know. Billy will do everything he can to keep Steve safe, and the rest of the party alive and that’s all. He can never know.
“Hey,” Billy says, suddenly feeling like a dick. Which he is but he’s trying not to be. “Sorry, man, I don’t mean to…”
But before he can finish, the door swings open and the rest of the group pile in, clutching brown paper bags and wearing identical panicked expressions.
“We gotta go,” Steve says, dumping his bag down into Dustin’s arms and flinging a black jacket at Eddie. He catches Billy's eye ever so briefly before he’s hauling himself into the front seat and Max is slamming the door shut.
“Your old friends are here,” Erica says pointedly and Chrissy goes white.
“Jason too?” she asks. Steve shouts at them all to sit down and Billy tries not to feel sick as Wheeler takes the passenger seat next to him. He knows that he can’t be up front - if Jason and his ilk are already spouting shit about satanic cults, then the reappearance of a definitely dead former classmate would send them into a frenzy. They’ll think Eddie’s a necromancer, on top of hypnotizing Chrissy into joining them.
But she takes her place like it’s always going to be her’s.
“Jason too,” Erica says as the RV takes off in a lurch and they’re hurtling out of the parking lot and away from Warzone. Billy lifts the curtain just in time to get a glimpse of those very familiar green, white and orange jackets bundle out of the front door. Billy gets a look at Jason’s furious face before they’re gone and speeding back towards Hawkins.
“That was close,” Max sighs, even though the worst part of the mission is still to come.
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees and finally looks at the material in his arms. “Hey, Hargrove, I think this one is for you.” He offers Billy a denim jacket, the material soft under Billy’s fingers. It looks like the one he’d worn Junior year, the cuffs already rolled up, a red bandanna shoved into one of the pockets. Something swoops unpleasantly in Billy’s stomach.
“Nice of Harrington,” Eddie comments and Billy rubs a finger across the collar.
“Yeah,” he mumbles and shrugs it on over his bloodied white tee. It fits perfectly and he pretends not to see Steve’s eyes in the rear-view mirror.
#harringrove#edissy lives au#edissy#hellcheer#billy lives au#luna's season 4 au#how long before I crack and write the whole thing#place your bets#stranger things#stranger things season 4#stranger things au#I think billy would be jealous at first#and eddie would be wary#but they can work it out#Billy has a lot of work before he's the Billy in my post season 4 fic#But he can get there#man I have my harringrove murder camp fic too#and now edissy week??!#so much fic
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the great divide (steve harrington x fem!reader)
Summary: (Post Season 4 AU, the sequel to orange juice) After your miraculous return to the land of the living, you aren't doing well.
Word Count: ~12k
Warnings: 18+ PLEASE!!!! for language, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. The reader has panic attacks and intrusive thoughts about Not Wanting To Be Alive. If that will be triggering for you please don't read this (read my happier bloom series instead). there's also an allusion to a relapse, slut-shaming, and allusions to sex (although there's no smut, it just gets slightly steamy). this fic is angst + hurt/comfort with an optimistic ending. inspired by noah kahan's music (including this amazing demo on instagram).
a/n: please let me know if i missed any warnings. please don't read this if you think it will be too triggering. the last thing i want is to make someone upset! but writing this was cathartic and helped me work through some things, i think. writing is magical!
🫀🫀🫀
THE GREAT DIVIDE
SOMETIME IN 1987
You aren’t sure how long it’s been since you last saw your friends. It feels like a fucking long time.
You woke up on the ground of the Upside Down, covered in dried blood and terrified at the sight of Vecna towering above you.
He brought you back to life. He wanted to send you back home and use you as a soldier and spy, the same thing he did to Will, Billy, Heather, and countless others.
“If you do this,” Vecna had growled, “You can once again see your family. Your friends. Your beloved Steven. Otherwise…you will die here.”
You refused, not interested in being his lackey. He tried to flay you anyway, but he was weak from the hell Nancy, Steve, and Robin rained down on him, allowing you to escape his clutches.
He stalked you for days, finally catching up to you—but you got the upper hand, using Eddie’s spear to stab him. Repeatedly.
Killing Vecna caused the gates he opened to sew themselves back shut before you could get through. You were glad that your friends no longer had to worry about Vecna and his army of monsters pouring through the four gates, but it meant you were trapped on the wrong side of the universe.
Vecna gone meant the Upside Down could revert back to what it was before he arrived. Now, the sky of the Upside Down was a buttery yellow, and it was much warmer. You saw patches of green grass and flowers starting to grow in various spots around town. But it still felt like a nightmare.
You wander the Upside Down each day with a routine: avoid monsters, forage for food and clean water, and visit the gates to see if any of them reopened. Food and water aren’t as hard to find as you feared, since the world isn’t so much of a poison, desolate nightmare anymore. But the gates stay staunchly shut, much to your chagrin.
You miss your life. You miss Steve. You miss his laugh, his smile, his kisses, his touch. You would do ungodly things to see him again.
You hope he’s okay. Any time you want to give up, you remind yourself that if roles were reversed, Steve would keep fighting to come back to you no matter what.
And, to your pleasant surprise, he does just that.
🫀🫀🫀
AUGUST 1987
It’s been three months since you returned to the land of the living. You’re not taking it well.
Surviving the Upside Down meant constantly being in fight-or-flight, scrambling to find food and clean water while avoiding demo-creature attacks. Without Vecna’s evil influence, the animals weren’t so bloodthirsty—but they still needed to eat.
You were able to avoid them, surviving yourself off disgusting canned food from the Upside Down’s version of the Big Buy and whatever houses you ransacked. It wasn’t very appetizing. It made the meal you were serving up today seem like a 5-star, 5-course delight.
It was neither of those things. It was for a church potluck that your mother had a hand in throwing. Lots of casseroles and carbs. She dragged you along to volunteer in hopes to get you out of the house.
Ever since you left the hospital in May, you’d only ever left the house to go to doctor’s appointments, therapy appointments, and Steve’s place. Your parents wanted to encourage more of a well-rounded life and schedule, and although they’d never admit it, you figured they hoped you’d turn back to your normal self. To the person you were before it all happened.
You think she might have died.
As you plate some macaroni and cornbread for your next patron, you sense eyes on you. You glance over and see two women at a table a few feet away. To your chagrin, they’re gossiping about you.
“I mean, it’s appalling,” an old bat named Shirley hisses. “She claims to have lost her memory after the earthquake and gotten lost, but it’s obvious that she just ran away.”
“Probably thought she was grown up, that she knew better than her parents,” Mildred says with a sniff, adjusting her too-big glasses.
“I can’t believe she left poor Steve Harrington high and dry,” Shirley adds.
Your heart clenches at the fact that these women see you as a villain, as an irresponsible idiot who up and left everyone who loved her out of spite. If they knew the truth…if they knew the nightmare you’d survived…
It only gets worse from there.
“You know what Cynthia told me?” Mildred says. “That her cousin’s roommate’s friend’s brother saw Y/N working a street corner in Manassas. It's just shameful.”
Anger burns through you, hot like hellfire. So, what? You’re not just a flake—you’re a slut to this people now, too? What happened to ‘loving thy neighbor’ and ‘forgiveness’ and all that shit?
“Can I get some more of that?” an elderly man says.
It snaps you back to your task at hand: dishing out food to hungry churchgoers.
“Ah, yeah,” you say. You dump macaroni on his Styrofoam plate. “Sorry. Here you go.”
The man smiles and ambles off. You take a deep breath and try your best to tune out the whispers of the chattering hens.
Your mother must notice the scowl on your face. She makes her way to you, practically floating, as graceful as ever. She’s totally in her element. She deserves a daughter who doesn’t clomp and stumble her way through life. Who doesn’t jump at every loud noise and sleep with a hunting knife under her pillow.
“Doing all right?” your mother asks you, giving you that sympathetic look that you think you might despise by now.
You muster up a smile of your own and nod.
Your mother can’t tell its fake and beams.
“See?” she says. “I knew getting you out of the house would turn that frown upside-down!”
She doesn’t know about the Upside Down. She thinks you got injured in the earthquake, stumbled through the Indiana woodlands, and got found by cops two states over. That you couldn’t remember where you came from due to amnesia, that since they pronounced you dead no one assumed you were the missing girl from Hawkins until your memories came back.
You let her comment slide and fake a smile, figuring it’s better to pretend you’re fine than feel it all.
🫀🫀🫀
That night, you chat with Steve on the phone. He’s gone back to college for the fall semester and you miss him terribly.
He promised he’d come back to Hawkins every other weekend. He knows how hard it’s been for you coming back. Or, he says he knows. Sometimes, you get the idea that he doesn’t really understand.
How could he? Every time he tries to get you to open up about what happened and what you went through, you shut down.
However, when he asks how your day was, you decide to be honest.
“It sucked,” you say. You blow out a huff of air. “These old crones were being total bitches at the church potluck. Apparently, the new conspiracy theory is that I was turning tricks in Virginia.”
“Ugh, I’m so sorry Y/N,” Steve says. For some reason, the sympathy in his voice makes you wince.
“But it’s fine,” you say quickly. “I don’t care what they say about me.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line.
“It’s okay if you do, you know,” Steve says, speaking slowly and carefully as if he’s worried about setting you off. (For good reason; you’ve been prone to outbursts of anger lately.)
“I know!” you say, defensiveness seeping into your tone. “But I don’t give a shit. Really.”
“Good,” Steve says. But he sounds unconvinced. “You shouldn’t.”
Another pause. It lasts a little too long for your liking. You clear your throat.
“I should probably shower and head to bed,” you say. “It’s been a long day.”
“Yeah, totally,” Steve says. You don’t understand why he sounds almost intrigued by the prospect of your boring nighttime routine until he says, “A shower with you sounds like heaven right now…”
Shit. You’re really not in the mood for phone sex. Even if that’s not what Steve is angling for, just slightly flirty banter doesn’t sound fun to you either.
Steve has been a total gentleman ever since you got back. You’ve kissed a little, but anytime he tries to take it further, you stop him. As much as you longed for him in every sense while in the Upside Down, you don’t feel ready to re-engage in those kinds of activities—like you’ve been shot back to the insecure, unconfident person you were before you started dating Steve.
He respects those boundaries and never, ever presses for more. But you worry he’s getting bored and wants to get back into old habits, possibly evidenced by his shower comment.
You’re a coward. You don’t tell him outright that you’re not in the mood, afraid he’ll have an out-of-character reaction and chew you out for being a prude or a tease.
“Huh?” you say. Steve starts to repeat his salacious comment, but you interrupt with: “Bad…connection…can’t…better…”
You hang up the phone and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
🫀🫀🫀
OCTOBER 1987
It’s a Thursday in October, and you’re taking a trip for the first time in a long time.
“You have everything you need?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Toothbrush? Extra socks? Lambchop?”
You huff and roll your eyes, crossing your arms like a petulant teenager.
“Mom! I’m an adult. I do not need a stuffed animal.”
“But you packed her, right?”
You mumble out a “Yes” as she pulls up to the parking lot near Steve’s apartment building.
You applied for spring admission at the University of Indiana. Your lovely boyfriend invited you to stay with him for a few days so he could show you around campus for homecoming weekend.
Tonight is the unofficial campus tour with “Tour Guide Steve.” Tomorrow, you’ll help him and his friends put the finishing touches on a homecoming parade float, and Saturday is the big football game.
Before your disappearance and assumed death, your parents were insanely strict about you staying the night with Steve and wouldn’t have allowed it. Now, they’ve mellowed out—but you hate thinking it’s because of some kind of twisted pity.
Steve must have seen your mom’s minivan pull up from his apartment window, because he jogs over to you before you’ve even grabbed your bag from the trunk.
“Hey, babe!” he says with a beaming grin; the picture of exuberance. You can feel his excitement roll off him in waves. You feel like an asshole for matching his energy. Even though you’re excited for time with Steve, you have a pit in your stomach at the thought of being away from home for so many days.
Of course, if you get accepted to U of I, you’ll be away from home for weeks at a time. You try not to think about that.
Steve hugs you tightly, and you hope he can’t sense your apprehension.
He seems not too, still smiling as he gives your mom a quick hug and then offers to carry your duffel bag for you.
You give your mom a hug goodbye, promising to call if you want to get picked up early.
You and Steve wave as your mom drives away. After dropping your bag off at his apartment, Steve takes you on an abridged campus tour that ends at the dining hall. He wants to introduce you to his friends.
He has friends here. Of course he does, you’re glad he does. No one should feel like they don’t have friends, or like their girlfriend is their only friend. But what does it mean that your boyfriend is your only friend lately?
Nancy’s off at Emerson. As for the Hawkins crew, Jonathan’s busy with family stuff, helping Joyce and Hopper renovate their new house. Eddie’s preoccupied with his band, trying to get Corroded Coffin off the ground after a he-was-accused-of-murder hiatus. And Robin’s a student at Roane County Community College, spending her days with marching band and classes and clubs and work.
They’ve started inviting you to things, and sometimes you go. You usually don’t have much fun, distracted with your own anxieties and unable to think of anything interesting to say.
So, the fact that Steve seems to have moved on from everything so easily and has a pack of friends at college makes you feel pathetic, even though it shouldn’t.
At the dining hall, Steve introduces you to his buddies. When Steve lived on-campus last semester, Gus was his roommate. Now Steve’s moved into his own apartment off-campus, but the boys still hang out often and play together on a club basketball team.
Jessica is Gus’ girlfriend. She has a kind smile and compliments your sweater.
The last friend in their clique is Rochelle. She’s tall and slender, like a supermodel. Apparently, she and Jessica grew up together and are good friends.
Everyone greets you happily when Steve introduces you—except Rochelle, who looks you up and down like she’s inspecting you. It makes you uneasy.
You immediately start to dislike her more when she laughs loudly at Steve’s jokes and squeezes his shoulder flirtatiously.
“You are tew much, Harrington,” Rochelle says, flipping her shiny hair over her shoulder.
It makes you feel tense and jealous and angry and sick all at once.
You’re completely content to listen in silence while the others chat, but then Jessica asks where you go to school.
“Oh, um, here, in the spring,” you say. “Uh, hopefully.”
“That’s awesome!” Gus says. “You get the full Hoosiers homecoming experience a whole semester before having to pay tuition.”
You chuckle and smile. Any good feelings you have about this interaction come crashing down when Rochelle asks, “So, like, if you aren’t a student right now, what do you do?”
“She’s working at Sonic,” Steve says. “Saving up money. Right babe?”
You turn to him, face falling. You’re not working. You tried to apply for a job at Sonic and had a panic attack when you saw the gap in your resume from your 15 months in the Upside Down, so you roller-skated your way home to unemployment.
Did you not tell Steve that? You suppose you “forgot” to tell him about that panic episode.
“Uh, actually no,” you say, furrowing your brow. “Not anymore. I’m just taking a semester off.”
Surprise flashes behind Steve’s eyes, but he recovers quickly. He throws an arm around your shoulders and says, “Right, of course.”
The rest of the conversation is mostly you smiling and nodding along to the funny stories and inside jokes the group shares. When you and Steve get back to his place later that evening, you apologize for not updating him on the Sonic situation sooner.
Steve waves away your apology.
“Don’t even worry about it,” he says.
“But I feel bad,” you say, fidgeting with your fingers while you sit next to him on the couch. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you.”
(You didn’t truly forget. You were embarrassed and didn’t want him to know.)
“These things happen,” Steve says. “I totally get it. For a few months after Vecna and…you, my brain was like scrambled eggs. I’d drink myself to a coma every other night. I definitely didn’t have the sharpest mind.”
You appreciate him for understanding. Except you feel shitty because you’re lying to him about forgetting. It’s a vicious cycle.
The two of you put on a movie, and while you’re lying on the couch with him, you start thinking of something you haven’t done in a long, long time.
You lightly trace your hand up and down the arm that’s wrapped around your middle.
“Hey,” you say quietly. “Would you want to…”
You clear your throat.
“What?” Steve asks.
You aren’t sure how to ask for what you want without sounding wholly desperate and/or pathetic and/or like the horniest bastard alive.
“Go to your room?” you say.
“Sure, if you want, we can go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”
You laugh lightly.
“No, I mean. You know.”
You wiggle your eyebrows and Steve’s jaw drops. Mouth agape, like a goldfish, his brains seems to short circuit.
The air is charged with something you haven’t felt in a long time.
“Are you sure?” Steve says, a barely audibly whisper. His hand cups your cheek so delicately, and you feel cherished. Love. Seen.
“I am,” you whisper back, before pulling him closer to you for a kiss.
It’s the kind of kiss you dreamed about while you were trapped in another universe.
It makes you feel electric, the same way your first kiss had. That iconic kiss happened because Steve found out you’d never played spin the bottle. In his kitchen late, late at night, he took an empty soda bottle and spun it on the countertop.
He had maneuvered it just right and stopped it with his hand when the bottle neck pointed right at you, like a compass needle finding truth north.
“Well, what do you know,” Steve had said at the time, with a dopey grin on his face. “It’s you.”
“If you wanted to kiss me so bad,” you had quipped, “you could’ve just asked.”
And then you two kissed like crazy, amongst other things.
Back in the present, all your hesitancies and qualms about re-engaging in intimacy and sex with Steve are thrown out the window when you feel his lips on yours.
Giddy as if it’s the first time (because, in a way, it kind of is), the two of you break apart and practically race down the hall to his bedroom. Thank goodness for no roommates, because when you’re in there, Steve slams the door and presses you against it to kiss some more, closing the gap between the metaphorical great divide that you’ve placed between you both.
You tug at his shirt, and he pulls it off before the two of you stumble into his bed.
Things heat up, and they’re going great. Steve is kissing and biting your neck, probably leaving a hickey or two, but you don’t mind. His hands are gripping your waist, practically leaving scorch marks in their wake.
You’re loving this. You’re having a great time.
Until you’re not. The trains of thought in your brain all rush from the station at the same time, colliding at a junction on the tracks.
What if you give Steve an infection? Not an STD, but like, an Upside Down sickness. You could be a carrier and not even realize it. Is that a possibility? What did Dr. Owens say last time you saw him?
He advised you not to get pregnant. He said there’s a possibility your future children could have birth defects after your time in the Upside Down. Birth defects! You’re only 21 years old and your body is poisoned. Not enough to harm you in the short term, but the long term effects on you (and your progeny) could be terrible to deal with.
But Steve really wants kids. What if he finds out you can’t give him children and he leaves you? You really, really don’t want him to leave you.
You don’t realize it, but you start breathing a little harder. To Steve, it seems like you’re insanely turned on. Mentally, your brain is on a different plane of existence.
He’s going to leave you because he’s better off without you. He doesn’t realize it yet but one day, one day. He will.
Vecna was right. Vecna said Steve would get tired and bored of you. That’s why the monster tried to recruit you, to flay you. That’s why he pursued you across the Upside Down for days, hunting you like a dog until he cornered you at the quarry.
Steve finally takes notice of your erratic breathing pattern. You’re not reacting how you usually do to his kissing. He ceases the lovefest and leans up on his elbows.
“Y/N? You okay?”
You don’t hear him. You continue to hyperventilate, your eyes screwed tightly shut.
And when you stabbed the beast through the chest with the spear Eddie left behind, you didn’t even feel sorry.
Is that the kind of person you are? A sick, violent freak?
But it was self-defense!
But if you hadn’t tried to draw the demobats away, you wouldn’t have been in that situation. You went against the plan. You caused all the bad things that happened to you.
You’re a bad person. A bad omen. A bad girlfriend. A bad daughter. A—
“Hey, can you hear me? Y/N?”
Steve’s soft, slightly panicked, voice brings you back down to reality.
You nod, eyes still shut.
“Sorry,” you say. “I don’t—I don’t know what happened.”
“It’s okay,” Steve says, still speaking quietly as if he’s afraid to scare you. You don’t feel his hands on you anymore, but you sense he’s still close. “It’s okay. Can you sit up? I think you should drink something.”
You sit up slowly and open your eyes. Steve looks frazzled, but he musters up a smile when he hands you a glass of cold water.
“Sorry,” you mumble.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
You don’t respond, just take a sip.
“Can we just go to bed?” you say after a moment, voice cracking.
Steve nods and gives your knee a gentle squeeze.
“Of course. And, hey, listen, we don’t have to have sex anytime soon, okay?”
“But—”
“No, seriously,” Steve says, shaking his head vehemently. “I mean, of course I like having sex with you. Probably too much.”
You snort and shake your head, a small smile pulling at the corners of your mouth.
“But you know I don’t mind waiting. Right?”
You nod.
“Yeah, I know.”
But as you lie awake, tossing and turning, your brain continues feeding you lie after lie, and you find yourself believing the opposite. Prude, tease. Bad girlfriend. Bad person.
🫀🫀🫀
The next morning, you, Steve, Gus, Jessica, and Rochelle work on a homecoming float for the club basketball team the boys are on.
It’s fun at first. The parking lot is filled with floats for all different student organizations. Someone is playing music a bit too loud, but the energy is electric.
It takes a turn when Steve rushes off with Gus to get more supplies.
While you’re kneeling by the float trying to staple tinsel trim around the edge, you hear Rochelle and Jessica whispering conspiratorially on the other side. They can’t see you due to a large papier mâché basketball blocking you from view.
You're awash with embarrassment, feeling warm head to toe, when you realize they’re talking about you.
“You know what Mollie told me?” Rochelle said. “When she and Steve were hooking up last year, he called her Y/N, like, three times.”
Your heart shrinks. You didn’t know Steve had been involved with anyone while you were gone. In fact, he said the opposite.
“That’s kind of sweet though, when you think about it,” Jessica muses. “But I wonder what caused Steve and Y/N to break up and then get back together. I’ve never dreamed of breaking up with Gus.”
“I heard some other super freaky stuff about her,” Rochelle says. “My sorority sister, Tina, is from Hawkins too. Apparently, Y/N had, like, amnesia or some shit after that earthquake thing. And she was like missing.”
“Damn,” Jessica says. “That’s crazy. How’d she remember stuff and get back home?”
“Who gives a shit?” Rochelle scoffs. “That’s obviously a cover story. Tina said the real story is probably something much simpler. Like she ran away to become a stripper but couldn’t hack it because she doesn’t have a good body. And, well, we’ve seen that firsthand.”
Anger and shame courses through your veins, and you tug on the hem of your sweatshirt. You’re comforted only a miniscule amount when you hear Jessica come to your defense.
“Don’t be such a jerk. And we have no idea what really happened so stop making shit up, mkay?”
“I’m just repeating what I heard. But Tina’s right, her whole deal is so weird. I can’t believe she’s Steve’s girlfriend. He deserves better.”
Those words echo in your head. He deserves better. He deserves better. You’ve been thinking that a lot yourself lately.
You don’t care if Jessica and Rochelle see you when you toss your stapler onto the ground and stomp off.
“Oh, shit,” you hear Jessica say. “Nice going, Roche.”
“It’s not my fault! I didn’t know she was creeping around!”
As you beeline through the throngs of float-makers, you bump into Steve, holding a box of glittery something. He grins at you.
“Hey, where’s the fire?”
When he notices the grim look on your face, he sobers up.
“Whoa, what happened?”
“Who’s Mollie?” you ask before you can stop yourself.
Steve pales. He swallows hard, grip on the box loosening. He gingerly sets it on the ground next to him and shrugs.
“No one.”
“Liar.”
Steve glances around before leading you away from the crowd to a secluded spot on the outskirts of the parking lot.
“She really was no one,” Steve repeats. “Just some girl I had a class with. I was lonely and she liked me, so we went out twice.”
“I heard Rochelle say you hooked up with her,” you say. You cross your arms and try to keep angry tears at bay. “You told me you didn’t find anybody else.”
“I didn’t!” Steve says, a little louder. He clears his throat. “I meant that. We almost hooked up, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you.”
You sigh and shake your head. You want to believe him so badly. But the voice in your head that’s been so cruel to you lately isn’t convinced.
“Do you still think about her?”
Steve scrunches up his face, wholly confused at your line of questioning.
“What? No, of course not. Like I said, we hung out twice, had one near-miss, and then never spoke again. Babe, is everything okay?”
He reaches a hand to your arm and you flinch away. Your action makes him frown deeper.
You rub your forehead.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you say. “Just tired.”
A beat. You think Steve’s going to accept your answer, until: “Why are you lying to me?”
“I’m not lying!” you say, irritation creeping into your tone. “I’m just tired. Okay, Steve?”
Steve fidgets from foot to foot. He’s starting to look as agitated as you feel. With an annoyingly calm, even voice, he says, “I think you’re not being honest.”
“And I think you should shut up,” you fire back, before you can stop yourself.
Steve’s face contorts into a frown, the line between his brows deepening.
“Whoa, what the hell?” he says. “Why are you being like this?”
“Because I just found out you lied about not being involved with someone while I was gone!”
Steve rubs his face with his hands, as if he’s trying to scrub away whatever he’s feeling. He takes a deep breath, another one, and then finally speaks.
“Y/N, I thought you were dead,” he says, voice strained. “You can’t seriously be jealous of me spending time with someone else because to my knowledge, I was never going to see you again.”
You know you should apologize for your outburst. Tell him about your insecurities, now dialed up to 1000 thanks to Rochelle’s comments. Rejoin his friends at the float like the normal girlfriend he probably wishes you were.
But instead, you find yourself voicing one of the fears that’s been swirling in your brain since June.
“It would be so much easier for you if that was still the case, right?” you ask, softly.
“Excuse me?” Steve asks.
“Do you ever regret it?” you ask. “Bringing me back?” He doesn’t react, doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. You clear your throat and, louder, add, “Because it would be so much simpler for you to date a girl like Mollie or Rochelle.”
“Jesus, Y/N,” Steve groans. “Don’t bring Rochelle into this.”
“Why not? She’s obviously obsessed with you!”
“Yeah?” Steve scoffs. “Well, I don’t like her. I like you.” He shakes his head, as if he’s short-circuiting, and corrects, “I love you!”
Too late. You already heard the Freudian slip of your worst nightmare. He doesn’t regard you in the same way he did before your so-called death. You’ve changed too much.
You shake your head vehemently.
“No,” you say. “No. You loved the girl I was before it all happened.”
“You’re still the same girl!”
“I’m not!” you shout. You’re so angry, so upset, so emotional, you can’t stop. You’re floating above your body and watching yourself speak when you say, “I’m not. She’s gone, and sometimes I wish you’d never brought me back so I wouldn’t feel like this.”
Steve goes still once more. When he finally replies, his voice is dangerously quiet: “How dare you say that.”
You hadn’t expected that. You’d expected him to swoop in with comforting platitudes. To hug you and promise it would all be okay. To truly hear the words you’re saying—the thoughts you’ve been too afraid to voice in therapy, thoughts you’ve sugarcoated in your mind to lessen that bitter feeling on your tongue when you finally speak them aloud.
“What?” you whisper. Your eyes sting, unshed tears collecting on your lash line.
“How dare you say that,” Steve says, shaking his head. He’s angrier than you’ve ever seen him. He runs a hand through his hair and barks out a laugh so hollow, you can practically hear the echo in his ribcage. “That’s so fucking selfish that you wish you were still down there. I was miserable without you. I didn’t want to go on. I didn’t think I could!”
He's not getting what you’re trying to say. You open your mouth to reply, to apologize, to try and fix things, but Steve continues.
“So for you to be so callous, to think so little of me, to think I’d rather date some vapid airhead just because it would be ‘simpler’? To think I somehow can’t love you anymore because of what you went through? That’s just…bullshit!”
You heave out a sob as tears roll down your cheeks. Steve’s expression morphs into one of guilt. He swallows hard.
“Y/N, I—”
“You don’t get to tell me my feelings are bullshit!” you snap. You sniffle and roughly wipe your tears away, before jabbing a finger into his chest and pressing in. “Ever since I’ve been back, it’s all about how everyone else feels about it. You and my parents are so much happier, and you seem to think I can snap back to how I was before and forget it all happened and be grateful that I survived. Well, I can’t!”
Despite your distance from the parade planning festivities, you see a few curious students glance in your direction. You can’t be bothered to care.
“I don’t know how to go on with life like normal after 15 months in that hell, and no one understands what I’m going through!” you yell. “No one has been through that! And I’m miserable and scared and anxious and I’m lying to my therapist week after week because I can’t even verbalize what I’m thinking without feeling like I’m losing my goddamn mind. So sorry if sometimes I wish all this would go away.”
Steve’s facial expression cracks your heart in seventeen pieces. He looks devastated and confused.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, somewhat cautiously. “You’re right. I’m not handling this well, not seeing it from your point of view. But this is the most you’ve expressed how you’re feeling about it all. For the past few months, I—I don’t know. I thought you were feeling okay.”
You sniffle again and shrug.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Y/N,” Steve says. He clears his throat. “This is good, I think. Well, no, it’s not good that we’re screaming at each other in the quad. But getting our feelings out is—”
“I want to go home,” you say, cutting him off.
Steve closes his eyes, sighs softly, and nods.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll drive you back to Hawkins tonight.”
“No, I want to go now,” you say, voice cracking as you try not to cry harder. “I want my mom to come get me.”
Hurt flashes on Steve’s features. “Babe, are you sure? I really don’t mind. I want to, actually. The drive will give us more of a chance to talk.”
But you’re too tired and overwhelmed to talk anymore. Steve understands, though his shoulders are slumped as the two of you walk back to his apartment.
He offers to pack your bag while you call your house. Your mom picks up on the second ring.
“Hello, Y/L/N residence.”
“Mom?” you sniff. “Can you come get me?”
“Oh, of course sweetie!” You hear the jingle of car keys. “Wait, are you crying? What’s wrong? Was it another nightmare?”
“I just don’t want to be here anymore.”
“Did you and Steve have a fight?”
“His friends were really mean,” you say quietly, deciding not to disclose that you indeed got in an argument with Steve. “This girl, Rochelle, said one of her friends from Hawkins is telling everyone I was a stripper.”
“Oh, don’t you listen to that.”
You can’t hold back tears as you begin to cry harder.
“How come everyone makes up those dumb rumors?” you say through sobs. “And if people on campus already know them, how much worse will it be if I’m a student here?!”
Your mom soothes you over the phone before promising to get there as quickly as possible. As you hang up the phone, Steve comes in from down the hall, frowning and carrying your now-packed duffel. He doesn’t even try to be subtle about his eavesdropping when he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me Rochelle said that to you?”
You shrug and look down at your feet.
Steve closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I keep replaying our conversation in my head,” he says, “and I feel like an ass.”
“You’re not, Steve.”
“No! I am. I absolutely am. You were honest and vulnerable, and I immediately got mad. I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you say flatly. Admittedly, you’re not sure if you forgive him yet. But you know you didn’t treat him well either, so you say, “I’m sorry too. I was insensitive. I know you had a hard time while I was gone—”
“But it’s nothing compared to what you were dealing with,” Steve says. He steps closer to you and intertwines your hands together. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?”
“My mom’s already on her way,” you say. “And you should rest up. Tomorrow’s the parade, and the homecoming game.”
“I don’t need to go to the game.”
“Steve—”
“I’d rather come back to Hawkins this weekend,” he continues. “Spend more time with you. Talk things through, you know? Maybe I can just ride with you and your mom, and Munson can bring me back Sunday.”
He’s sweet. But you aren’t sure how to tell him that you really, really don’t want to be around him right now. You don’t want to be around anyone, really.
You take a deep breath, gently drop his hands, and say, “I think I need some space.”
You can’t look Steve in the eye, but you hear the pain in his voice when he says, “Oh. Um, okay. Yeah. Of course. Space.”
You two sit in awkward silence while you wait for your mom to arrive. When she gets there, Steve continues to be a gentleman, carrying your bag for you and politely making small talk with your mom. He gives you a hug goodbye, but it doesn’t linger the way his hugs usually do.
As your mom drives away, you watch your boyfriend get smaller and smaller in the side mirror.
Before leaving, you promised him you’d call him that night.
You conveniently “forget” to do that.
He leaves a message at 9:37 p.m., asking you to call him back.
You don’t.
🫀🫀🫀
NOVEMBER 1987
“Hey, babe. It’s Steve. Again. I know we agreed on ‘space’ but I haven’t heard from you in three weeks…I don’t want to rush or smother you, but I’d really like to talk, even if it’s for, like, five minutes. So please call me back. I love you, Y/N.”
-
“Hey Y/N. Are you doing okay? Robin says she saw you and your mom at the store the other day and you just seemed kind of…out of it. To be honest, I’m worried about you. Listen, even if you don’t…even if we…even if you’ve decided you don’t want to be with me anymore, or something, I still care about you. And I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. Please call me. Bye. Love you.”
-
“Hi Y/N, I’m coming back to Hawkins for Thanksgiving. Can I come by after you and your parents have dinner? I want to check in. On how you’re doing, and on how you’re feeling about ‘us.’ Let me know, okay? Bye, Y/N.”
-
“Hey. I’m going to swing by your place after I’ve finished Thanksgiving dinner with the Buckleys. Robin told me you’ve been avoiding her too. And Eddie, and Jonathan. I know you’re going through a tough time, but don’t try to do it alone. That’s a lesson I learned the hard way last year. I’ll see you tonight, all right?”
🫀🫀🫀
You’ve spent the past month and a half wallowing. All you really do is sleep, eat, shower, and take short walks around your neighborhood for exercise. Any time Steve calls the house phone, you tell your parents to let it ring and let it go to voicemail.
It’s shitty of you, but you aren’t sure how to dig yourself out of this hole that you’ve found yourself in. You’re still feeling rather undeserving of Steve.
So when he shows up on your doorstep on Thanksgiving, wearing that maroon sweater that you’ve always just adored, the first thing you do is apologize for your radio silence. Then, you offer him pumpkin pie.
“I won’t say no,” he says. “As long as you split it with me.”
While your parents cuddle on the couch and watch It’s A Wonderful Life, you and Steve sit on the kitchen counter and eat slices of pie with whipped cream.
For a few minutes, you exchange small talk and pleasantries. Then, Steve gets down to business.
“How have you been doing, really?” Steve asks.
“Fine. Just tired.”
“Y/N,” Steve says with a sigh. “Please just be honest with me.”
You suck in a breath.
“Okay. You want honesty? I’m having a really hard time.”
“I know,” Steve says gently. “And I want to help. Can you talk to me about what’s going on?”
You consider it. You consider wrenching your heart open for him and admitting all your fears and insecurities. But last time you broached this subject with Steve and tried to be wholly honest about what you were feeling, you didn’t explain it right and he took it the wrong way.
And you also hear what sounds like Rochelle’s voice in your mind: He deserves better. He deserves better.
You save yourself the trouble and say, “I need to get my shit together. And I’m not being a very good girlfriend while I do, so I think we need to break up.”
Despite your best efforts to stay strong, you feel tears coming on. Everything only worsens when you hear Steve whisper, “What?”
He deserves better. He deserves better. He deserves better than you.
“I have to focus on myself right now,” you continue as the tears roll down your cheeks. You stab your pie with your fork and say, “I’m sorry. I love you so much—”
“I love you too, Y/N, so I—”
“—but I need to deal with this on my own. It’s not fair of me to treat you like this.” You clear your throat and add, “You deserve someone who can give you everything you want.”
“You’re what I want,” Steve says. You can’t look at him, but you get the impression that he’s tearing up too. “I mean, if this is really what you want, I’ll respect your decision completely, but I just have to know—is there anything I can do to change your mind?”
You don’t want to do this—
—but he deserves better.
“I’m sorry, but no.”
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Steve says after a beat. “Even if we aren’t together anymore, I’m still here for you. You know that, right?”
You nod, still decimating your pie slice with your fork.
“Okay, good.” He sniffles.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to keep apologizing.”
“Sorry. Ah, I mean—”
Steve chuckles, despite everything. You two share an awkward hug goodbye before he leaves.
You stay in the kitchen and hear him wish your parents “Happy holidays.” As you hear the front door open and shut, as you hear his car turn on and drive away, you try to convince yourself this was the correct choice. That shutting him out means he’ll live a happier life without you.
The pit of emptiness like a chasm in your soul will go away eventually, right?
🫀🫀🫀
FEBRUARY 1988
It’s been 3 months since you broke up with Steve.
You decided to defer your U of I enrollment. Steve, being a good friend, calls a few days before the semester starts asking if you’d like help moving into your dorm, and you break the news to him. He understands but sounds disappointed. It makes you feel terrible.
But this is the right choice. You aren’t ready to be away from home, away from your parents, even if it’s just a couple hours away.
You start taking community college classes to fill your time and get some credits, along with working at Bradley’s Big Buy as a stocker. It’s mindless, monotonous work. It’s kind of perfect.
What isn’t so perfect is your therapist, Elaine. She’s nice enough. But she doesn’t seem to get it. You aren’t able to fully tell her what you went through, considering she knows nothing about the Upside Down, so she can’t really help you.
When you start opening up about the dark thoughts worming their way through your mind, Elaine advocates strongly and staunchly for putting yourself out there and making new friends to fill the void. You’re starting to wonder if you’re wasting your time shelling out $50 a week.
You do think a better social life would be good for you, so you invite Robin, Eddie, and Jonathan to come over to your place for a horror movie marathon. (Nancy would be invited too, if she wasn’t away at school.) You’ve rented a D-level slasher trilogy about a man in a hockey mask attacking pageant queens. It’s small potatoes compared to what you’ve actually been through.
Jonathan agrees, but both Robin and Eddie tell you they can’t make it. Robin because she’s got the flu. Eddie because he has band practice all afternoon and into the night.
It stings like a barb ripping you open when you swing by Melvald’s for cheap movie candy and spot the two of them across the street, laughing as they head into the Hawk with…Steve, who must be home from school for the weekend.
So they do want to have a movie night. Just with Steve and not you. Message received.
You wonder if Steve said something to sour you in their eyes. You thought the breakup was amicable. You know he was upset by it, but he respected your decision. And he doesn’t seem like the type to badmouth an ex, especially after all you’ve been through together.
But anxiety rolls through your nervous system the rest of the day. As you and Jonathan watch the crappy movies, you just feel numb.
“Jee-sus!” Jonathan yelps as the killer’s chainsaw hacks through someone’s limb.
He glances your way, eyebrows raising. “What? That didn’t scare you?”
You shrug. “I’ve seen worse.”
Jonathan’s brow furrows. He leans over and pauses the movie.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? We can watch something else. Or, if you’d rather be alone, I can head out.”
You pick at a loose thread on the pillow in your lap.
“Are Robin and Eddie mad at me?” you whisper.
“What?” Jonathan says with a laugh. “You’re, like, the nicest person in a fifty-mile radius. Why would they be mad at you?”
The old you was nice. The current you is moody. But Jonathan is also pretty moody, so maybe your moodiness is baseline in his eyes.
“They both said they couldn’t come tonight,” you continue, “but then I saw them just an hour ago in downtown Hawkins heading into the Hawk with Steve. Why else would they make up excuses not to come unless they were mad?”
Jonathan takes a long, slow sip of his grape soda and shrugs.
“It’s probably because they don’t want you to think they chose Steve over you in the breakup.”
“But that’s exactly what they did!”
“Maybe not,” Jonathan says. “Maybe they just made the plans with Steve before you invited us over and it’s easier to turn down your invitation than cancel on him.”
That’s a very logical way of looking at it, but it still stings feeling like you’ve lost two friends since you and Steve aren’t together anymore.
You and Jonathan continue watching, but his mom calls halfway through the second movie, forcing him to leave early—something about El using telekinesis to turn her bed into a bunk bed and it backfiring horribly.
You try to push your worries out of your mind, but paranoia takes a hold. As you toss and turn in your bed that night, clutching Lambchop for a semblance of comfort, your brain bullies you.
Robin and Eddie are pissed at you. Probably because you haven’t gone to any Corroded Coffin shows since you’ve been back. You’ve been a little preoccupied.
A little selfish, more like. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through. You should still support your friends.
But why? You don’t like drinking alcohol anymore because you don’t like feeling out of control. And the Hideout is the only place Corroded Coffin plays, and that place reeks of booze and cigarettes and bad decisions.
Maybe that’s why Eddie’s mad. Is Robin mad by proxy? Did Steve shit-talk you to her? How did he describe the events of the breakup?
Were you a bad girlfriend? Are you a bad friend? Bad person?
Yes. You’re a bad person.
🫀🫀🫀
You happen to run into Robin on the community college’s campus the following Monday. You can’t help but ask if she’s feeling better.
Her eyes widen and she plasters on a smile.
“O-oh, yeah!” she says. “I’m feeling loads better. Tons! Tons better.”
“Your sinus infection is gone?” you prompt, knowing full well she told you it was the flu.
“Yep! All gone. My sinuses are as healthy as can be. I feel like I could live to be 100!”
You exchange a few more pleasantries and shuffle off.
🫀🫀🫀
MARCH 1988
There’s a dark cloud hovering over your mind. Most days, you’re lethargic. You go to classes and go to work, and you do start going to the Hideout on Tuesday nights with Jonathan and Robin to watch Eddie play with his band.
But that’s the extent of your social life. You’re feeling lonely and drained.
Things take a turn for the worse in March. It was a cold, cold winter in Hawkins, and spring is shaping up to be warmer but just as gloomy. Really bad thunderstorms shake the windowpanes of your house most days, and the streaks of lightning remind you so much of the grayish-yellow Upside Down sky, it makes you sick.
You can’t help but find yourself thinking you want to disappear to escape it all. Not die, exactly. But fall into a deep, dreamless sleep. Maybe when you woke up, things would be better.
You try to explain what you’re feeling to Elaine the Therapist, and she doesn’t understand what you meant in the slightest.
“Have you gotten checked for narcolepsy?” she asks.
You give her a tight smile and say you’ll ask your doctor about it at your next checkup.
A bright spot is when Robin invites you to a party at her apartment. You forgot her and Eddie’s little white lie from a few weeks ago and RSVP yes.
The party is going well. You’re having a nice conversation with Jonathan and Eddie when Steve walks in, and he’s not alone.
Your heart sinks to your feet, through the floor, and all the way to the core of the earth when you see Steve is joined by Rochelle.
You don’t even hear any of the conversations happening around you. You quickly excuse yourself to the kitchen for a glass of water—and because you need to be alone.
You get about 15 seconds of a reprieve before Steve enters.
“Listen, it’s not what you think,” he says quickly.
“Hello to you too, Steve,” you say. You can’t even look him in the eye, choosing instead to study the ice cubes in your glass.
“I’m not here with Rochelle,” Steve continues. He runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, yes, she’s here. And I’m here. And we’re here together. But not together together! God, I’m not making any sense, am I?”
“None at all.”
“She needed a ride to her parents’ house for the weekend,” Steve explains. “She lives just forty-five minutes from here. But I guess they were out of town, and she didn’t have a key, so she’s staying with me. And she didn’t want to spend all day in my house alone, so—”
“She’s here,” you finish for him. You finally look him in the eye and force a smile. “That’s fine, Steve. You can hang out with whoever you want.”
“Trust me,” Steve snorts. “I’d rather not be hanging out with her. I’m just doing her a favor because she’s friends with Jessica and Gus.”
Before you can respond, Rochelle saunters into the kitchen. She smiles like a shark—all gums and teeth.
“Oh, it’s you!” she says. “Y/N! How have you been?”
“Fine,” you say politely. “How about you?”
“Oh, just great. Really great. Sad to not see you around campus, though. I thought you enrolled?”
She has the impressive capability of making everything single sentence sound like an insult.
“I’m going to community college instead,” you explain. “But I really should get back out there.”
You give Steve and Rochelle a wide berth before stepping back into the living room.
The rest of the party goes by fine. Except you can’t quite contain your rage watching Rochelle throw herself at Steve all afternoon.
She sits too close to him. She constantly whispers in his ear and giggles, like they’re sharing inside jokes and secrets. While Robin’s putting on a movie for everyone to watch, you swear you even see Rochelle put her hand on Steve’s thigh.
The only thing that makes you feel better is that Steve blocks every one of these advances. While Eddie regales you all with a Corroded Coffin storytime, you even notice Steve's slotted himself in between Robin and the wall, forcing Rochelle to stand off to the side near a potted plant.
When the party’s over, you wish Robin well and try to slip out unnoticed. Unfortunately, Steve has a terrible habit of noticing everything about you, and he follows you out.
“Hey, wait up!” he calls, jogging behind you as you speed walk to your car to avoid the sprinkling rain.
“Sorry, I have to go,” you say, struggling to unlock your car door.
Before you can get it unlocked and make your escape, Steve places a hand over the driver’s side door handle.
“Hold on,” he says. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Well, I have to get home—”
“This’ll take five minutes,” Steve promises. He traces an X over his heart. “Cross my heart, hope to cry.”
You scrunch your nose in confusion. “It’s ‘die.’”
“Huh?”
“It’s ‘Cross my heart, hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye.’”
Steve’s eyes widen and jaw drops, affronted. “Jesus Christ,” he grumbles. “Why would anyone ever want to do that?”
“That’s the point!” you say, and you can’t help but laugh at the appalled look on his face. “You don’t want to do that, so you keep the promise.”
“Ah. Okay, well, I’ll be fast. I just want to see how you’ve been doing these past few months. I—I miss you, you know?”
You swallow hard. The rain’s starting to pick up now. You don’t want to wait too much longer to drive home, or else it’ll be too hard to see. And if you see lightning, you’ll probably have a panic attack behind the wheel, making you a danger to yourself and others.
“I miss you too,” you say. “But I really, really need to get home now.”
You think of leaving it at that, but your heart feels as sad as the look on his face, so you add, “But you can come by my house later tonight and we can talk? Uh, how’s 8 sound?”
Steve’s face brightens. He gives you that smile that always makes your stomach do a backflip.
“I’d like that,” he says.
You smile back and open your car door. Before stepping in, you turn to him and say, “Do not bring Rochelle.”
“Cross my whatever and hope to who-gives-a-shit!” Steve says as he walks backward away from your car. You give him a small wave, which he returns, before getting in the car and driving off.
As you suspected, the drive home is much, much too anxiety-inducing. Thunder seems to shake the whole frame of the car as you drive across town. Rain falls in pails, as if angels are taking buckets and throwing them on your car specifically. Your windshield wipers can barely keep up, and cars are honking and passing you since your fear is causing you to drive about ten under the speed limit.
You try not to let that bother you as your hands grip the wheel for dear life, the muscles from your fingers up to your shoulders impossibly tense. There’s a reason your mom drove you everywhere last summer and fall. Getting back into the habit of operating a motor vehicle isn’t easy, and everything seems to scare you now.
Despite everything, the drive is going fine—until one of the cars passing you cuts a little too close as they swerve back into the right lane. They almost clip your front bumper, which causes you to panic and swerve off the road near the now defunct trailer park.
Your tires squeak on the wet grass and you slam on your breaks, heart pounding. Shuddery breaths draw in, out. In, out. You try and collect yourself and turn your left turn signal on to merge back onto the main road. However, something gray out of the corner of your eye causes you to whip your head in the direction of the trailer park.
This is where you died and were resurrected—well, the version of this in the Upside Down. In Hawkins, the area is cordoned off. No one can live there anymore, thanks to the big cracks in the earth. Once gates, they were now sealed, but they upended some trailers and tore others in two.
You see a flash of movement between two broken trailers. The gates are supposed to be closed, and there aren’t supposed to be Upside Down creatures in Hawkins anymore, but you can’t help but wonder alternatives. You feel compelled to check it out.
You turn off your car’s ignition, grab the flashlight from your glove box, and clamor out, ducking under the “CAUTION” tape and jogging into the park. You squint in the rain, the beam of your flashlight scanning the surrounding area. You step over uneven earth, wondering if you’re wasting your time and should just—
“GRRRRRROWWWLLLL!!!!!”
You whip around and gasp. The gray creature you saw wasn’t a demo-creature, but a mangy, stray dog with muddy fur. It snaps its jaws and you see three little puppies cowering under a bush behind it.
An overprotective mama dog wouldn’t have scared you two years ago. You would’ve known exactly how to handle the situation without freaking out. But now, your fear spikes and you remember the few run-ins with hungry demodogs you had in the Upside Down. The dog is blocking your way back to your car, so you turn on your heel and run in the opposite direction, toward the imposing forest.
You can’t think clearly. Your mind is on fire. All you can think is Danger! Danger! Danger! And it’s keeping you from making any rational decisions.
You swear you hear the dog chasing behind you, snarling and ready to attack. You zig-zag between trees and glance behind to see if you really are being chased.
You lose your footing on slick mud, left ankle twisting painfully as you fall to the ground. Your flashlight skitters out of your grasp and rolls away, blinking out.
Now, you’re stuck in the rain, in the dark, with an injured ankle and no flashlight. Thankfully, the dog wasn’t following. But you feel powerless, hoping you can muster any survival instincts from your time in the Upside Down to make your way back to safety.
🫀🫀🫀
At 7:58 p.m., Steve parks outside your house.
He’s more nervous than he needs to be. He tries to remember that this isn’t a visit to win you back, as much as he wishes it was. No, he’s respecting your decision. But he’s glad he has the chance to just talk to you.
After you dumped him, he spent way too much time overanalyzing that fight you two had in October. It solidified the fact that he was an ass, completely misunderstanding you and getting mad for no good fucking reason.
Admittedly, he was tempted to throw away all his progress and drink away his misery. But he didn’t, channeling that energy toward more productive things. His mind is clearer than it was, and he’s going to make it right this time. Steve wants to check on you, the way his friends checked on him while he was having a tough time. Their support was invaluable.
Steve rings your doorbell, shaking out his umbrella.
The front door swings open. Your father looks expectant, before he frowns.
“Steve, hello,” your father says. “Is Y/N with you?”
Steve’s brow furrows. “Uh, no,” he says. “I’m supposed to meet her here.”
Your father curses and puts his head in his hands.
“Is it her?” your mother says, rushing around the corner with the cordless phone tucked under her shoulder. When she sees Steve, her shoulders slump. She speaks into the phone, “Hopper, she’s still not back.”
“What’s going on?” Steve asks, heart sinking. “Y/N’s missing?”
“She never came back from Robin’s party,” your father says, stepping aside to let Steve in. “You saw her leave, right?”
“Yeah,” Steve says with a nod. His mouth feels very, very dry.
Your mother continues murmuring on the phone with Hopper, and your father continues grilling Steve: “How was she? Did she seem upset?”
“A little nervous, maybe,” Steve says. He swallows hard. “I, uh, I think she was freaked out by the storm.”
You should’ve driven her home, Steve thinks. You idiot. If something happens to her, it’ll be your fault.
“She’s been so quiet lately,” your father says, voice strained. He clears his throat. “And so jumpy. But she said she wanted to start driving again. We thought she was getting better…”
Your father looks like he’s beside himself. Steve is unsure what to say to make things right.
Your mother hangs up the phone and sighs. “Hopper’s going to go look for her,” she says. She chokes out a sob. “Oh, Roger…she’s been so down lately. What if she…”
“Let’s not speculate,” your father says firmly, though he looks anxious about the possibilities.
Your parents decide to drive around looking for you, and Steve joins the search in his own car as well. He can’t sit idly by knowing you’re out there, possibly in distress, possibly in danger.
🫀🫀🫀
While you’re sitting against a tree trunk trying to shield yourself from the rain, there’s a morbid part of you that’s okay with this.
You wanted something bad to happen. You wanted to be in some kind of distress, because you being hurt means people have to care about you. Right? They have to really, truly see that you’ve been struggling but haven’t been able to ask for proper help.
You snap yourself out of that thought process, trying to remind yourself that people do care about you. But it’s hard to feel that way when you’ve put so much distance between yourself and the people you love.
You aren’t sure how long you sit in the rain having a pity party, watching your swollen ankle get bigger and bigger. You need to ice it and elevate it. And anytime longer in this rain, you’ll catch a cold.
So, you crawl on your hands and knees and find as sturdy a branch as you can on the forest floor. You use it as a pseudo walking stick to help you hobble back toward the trailer park. You know the way, thanks to your time traversing the forest daily in the Upside Down.
As you get closer to the break in the trees, you hear people calling for you. You shuffle there faster.
“I’m here!” you yell, stumbling through the tree line. “I’m here!”
It’s Chief Powell and Hopper, and they look relieved to see you. Officer Callahan and an animal control worker are trying to coax the mama dog and her three pups into crates.
“What happened, kid?” Hopper asks, sitting with you in the backseat of Powell’s truck while the other man radios for an ambulance and a tow truck for your car. The usual gruff timbre to Hopper's voice has a softened edge to it today, like he can sense your emotional fragility.
“Some jerk pushed me off the road. And I thought I saw…I—listen, the mud made the dog’s fur look gray, and I thought it was—”
“One of these hellhounds?”
You nod.
“I’m not sure if you realize this,” Hopper says. “But it’s been two years to the day since you…you know.”
You swallow hard.
“I didn’t remember,” you admit. “I mean, I knew the anniversary was coming up soon, I just…”
“We were all worried you…did something,” Hopper continues cautiously.
“I wouldn’t,” you say, much too quickly. “I mean, I feel like shit a lot of the time, but…no. I wouldn’t.”
Hopper nods, eyeing you. He doesn’t quite look convinced.
When the ambulance arrives, he rides with you to the hospital. Then, your parents meet you at the ER, while a doctor looks over your ankle.
It’s sprained, but not broken, thankfully. They send you home with a brace, some crutches, painkillers, and instructions to elevate and ice.
The whole drive home, your parents give you a speech about how much they love you and how they want to know how you’re doing, and that if you ever feel low, to talk to them because they can help. Normally, that kind of thing would annoy you, but after today—the fear of seeing what you thought was a demodog, of being back in the wilderness by yourself, even just for a few hours—you appreciate the gesture.
It's after midnight when you get home, and the rain has finally let up. Your dad helps you up the porch stairs, leaning the side with your bad leg against him the whole way. You almost don’t notice the note tacked to the front door until your mom points it out.
It has your name on it. You open it. Parts of it have been scratched out, but you can still read it all.
Hey, Y/N. I was driving around looking for you when Hopper found me. I’m so glad to hear that you’re going to be okay.
I’ll swing by tomorrow to chat, if you’re still up for it. If not, no worries. I know it’s a tough time. I just want you to know that I miss you I care about you more than you know I’m here.
-Steve
🫀🫀🫀
When Steve comes by the next day, he’s not alone.
You’re surprised to see him and Max Mayfield standing on your porch.
“Uh, hello!” you say. “How are you, Max?”
“Pretty good,” she says, “now that Steve is taking us for ice cream.”
You raise your eyebrows and adjust your stance on your crutches.
“Oh!” you say. You look to Steve. He’s smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Everything about his posture is tense, nervous. You wonder if this is an intervention or something—if you’ll arrive at the ice cream shop and be bombarded by the rest of your friends and a licensed professional promising a “safe space.”
You tell your parents where you’re going, promising a million times that you’ll be careful, and hobble down the porch steps to Steve’s waiting car. He’s a gentleman, one hand hovering behind your back and ready to catch you if you fall.
Max lets you have the passenger seat, likely due to your injury. On the ride over, you consider (politely) asking what she’s doing there, as you expected this conversation would be about the nature of your and Steve’s relationship.
A part of you deep, deep down had hoped he would beg you to take him back. A part of you deeper down felt selfish for that, but it was what you wanted.
You made a huge mistake letting him go.
Steve ends up taking you both to Sonic, pulling into one of the parking spots and pressing the “Order” button. Max leans up from the backseat, sticking her head between the two front seats, and rattles off a complicated order of hot dogs, fries, slushies, and ice cream into the speaker.
“I thought this was just ice cream,” you say with an eyebrow raised.
Max smirks.
“Moneybags Harrington is paying,” she says, patting him on the shoulder.
“I resent that,” Steve grouses. But there’s a sparkle in his eye.
When the food comes, Steve divvies it up amongst the three of you. However, he quickly comes up with a shoddy excuse to step out of the car—something about the fries being a medium instead of a large.
Max climbs over the center console to settle in the driver’s seat.
You aren’t sure what to expect when you’re alone with Max, but it’s definitely not, “Dying and coming back really sucks, doesn’t it?”
Your burger immediately tastes like sandpaper. “Oh, let’s not talk about that,” you say. “Let’s talk about fun things. Have you learned any new skate tricks recently?”
“Don’t deflect,” Max says, waving a french fry at you for emphasis. “Steve said you were having a hard time because no one could relate to you, and I’m probably the only person in the world who can.”
She’s not wrong. After your return to the right side of the universe, you learned that Max woke up from her coma, completely healed, after you killed Vecna and the gates closed. You hadn’t thought about how the two of you had similar, paralleled experiences.
“It does suck,” you say quietly, swirling your spoon around in your ice cream cup. “And I kind of feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“For me, it was a lot of anger,” Max says. She fidgets with her own food as she continues. “I couldn’t understand people’s priorities anymore. Like, what do you mean you’re worried about a chem test, Dustin? A few months ago, the world almost ended!”
“I totally get that,” you say, and your heart already feels lighter. “And my parents don’t understand what really happened, so they just don’t get me at all. Why I get so scared, so angry. So jumpy. It makes me feel like I’m a freak in their eyes.”
“I feel like my mom doesn’t even see me anymore,” Max says. She clears her throat and you catch a glimpse of tears gathering on her lash line before she roughly wipes them away. “Like to her, I’m a ghost.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” you say. She scoffs.
“And there’s another annoying thing,” Max says. “The empty platitudes to make us feel better. That shit doesn’t fix anything!”
You’re not offended by her outburst, because you honestly agree. The two of you lament a bit longer, and by the end of the conversation, you’re feeling on top of the world. Sure, nothing is really fixed. But you finally realize that you have a kindred spirit in all this.
You and Max make a plan to do things together more often. You’re seeing her as a de facto little sister already, and you’re hopeful that your planned meetings will be just as beneficial for her as they are for you.
Steve comes back after what seems like a millennium, shooing Max back to the backseat.
“Took you long enough!” she says.
He just smiles.
🫀🫀🫀
JUNE 1988
It’s the first day of summer.
And it’s been a year to the day since you returned.
You expect to feel more anxious than you do. Instead, you feel peaceful.
You’re doing a lot better, genuinely. You found a new therapist (sorry, Elaine) and since it’s someone who worked with Dr. Owens, you’re able to spill all the gory details of your past and your trauma. Healing isn’t easy, but you feel yourself slowly sewing yourself back together again.
You and Max stick to your word and take weekly trips to Sonic. You talk about the heavy stuff, but also the normal life stuff. You sometimes have guests. This past week, Lucas and Mike tagged along, arguing the whole time about what should happen in the Ghostbusters sequel that’s supposed to release next year.
You and Steve…ah, what’s there to say. You want him back, but you imploded the relationship and it feels selfish to waltz up to him and say, “Hey, hot stuff. Wanna get back together?”
However, you’ve officially enrolled for the fall semester at U of I. While he’s home from Hawkins for summer break, under the guise of asking for tips about campus life, you spend a lot of time with him.
You also spend time in the library, doing some studying to catch up before you start your classes in the fall. Your high school graduation was a lifetime ago. Literally.
Steve, Robin, and Jonathan join you for those summertime study sessions, although Jonathan and Robin usually bicker over the music theory books and Steve doesn’t get much done except for doodling in his notebook. But sometimes you catch him staring at you, and then his cheeks flush pink in that adorable way that makes you want to do something stupid, like beg him to take you back.
If only you knew if he really felt the same…
…which you find out he does, during the summer solstice.
You’re at the county fair with your friends, but they’ve all run off to watch the fireworks, so it’s just you and Steve at a picnic table downing sodas and cotton candy.
Your fingers wrap around the cool glass of a now-empty Coke bottle, and you place it on the tabletop. You attempt to look nonchalant as you spin it slowly.
Once it’s picked up momentum, you let it go, watching it spin a few more times before stopping it with your hand when the bottle neck points at Steve.
“It’s you,” you whisper, attempting to recreate that magical first kiss moment from years and years ago. You clear your throat at Steve’s dumbfounded expression. “Ah, sorry. You don’t have to kiss me. I was just…”
To your pleasant surprise, Steve’s face splits into a grin. “Well, gee, Y/N,” he says. “If you wanted to kiss me that bad, you could’ve just said so.”
A million canaries titter a love song in your heart as he leans forward.
The two of you kiss, for the first time in a long time.
The great divide in your soul is starting to seal. And everything feels right.
THE END
🫀🫀🫀
a/n please lmk what you thought 🩵
tags; @aloneinthehellfire @starry-eyed-steve @hollandweather @wisdomssdaughterr @huffledor-able541 @springautumn
@sunshinesteviee @curiositydooropened @crappymixtape
#st fic: oj#st fic: tgd#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington x you#steve harrington#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fic#stranger things fanfic
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Stranger Than Fiction
Part 20: Snowball
Billy Hargrove x Reader (Slowburn)
Part 1,... (Masterlist)...Part 21 (Coming Soon)...
AN: Long time coming for this one! I hope you guys enjoy it! I had a great time writing it and I have honestly been thinking about this for a while so it's so good to finally get it posted! I want you all to know that this is only a season finale and is NOT the end of the story. We have a little ways to go ❤️
Word Count: 4,569
Warnings: Anxiety, mentions of death, dancing, guilt, mentions gun
The coming days are a blur. There was a lot of talking that night. Everyone explaining their side of the crazy story that had been unfolding all around you. The pieces began falling into place and by the end of it you had a pretty clear picture of what had occurred over the past 4 days and where exactly you fit into it.
By the time the stories merged together everyone was ready to sleep for a week. You went with Steve to drop off Dustin while Jonathan dropped off Nancy, Mike, and Lucas. It was around 3 in the morning when you finally got home, Steve’s car pulling to a stop in front of your house. You feel nervous. Exhausted but on edge, still worried about the darkness lurking around the corners.
You jump when Steve places a hand on your knee. Meeting his eyes in the dim light of the car you see understanding. He doesn't want to be alone either.
“Do you mind if I stay here?” He asks. You look at your empty house and for a moment think of your mom coming home in a few hours and finding Steve Harrington on her couch. But when you look back to Steve, you can’t imagine being alone right now, not yet. “My parents aren’t home and… I don't know, I just…” He sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair frustrated.
“No.” You cut him off. “You can stay, I-I feel the same way.” you admit, smiling gently. He returns your smile gratefully. You instruct him to park a little ways down the street so he can sneak out when your mom gets home.
The two of you enter the house and you lead him to your bedroom, grabbing extra blankets from the hallway closet. You set up a little sleeping area for him on the floor next to your bed. You each take turns showering, and you let him borrow some of your baggiest clothes to sleep in. When you are both settled in bed, there is a tense silence. You don’t know how to tell him that you're grateful he’s here. That you feel better knowing he’s next to you after all of this.
“Can you leave the light on?” he asks. You smile up at the ceiling.
“Yea.” you say, there was no way you were turning off the light anyway. After another beat of silence you turn onto your side, lowering your arm off the bed and take his hand. He threads his fingers through yours without hesitation. It’s the most comforting thing you can think of right now, and it seems to work because both of you are asleep in minutes.
You wake up a few hours later to the sound of your mom coming in. You wake Steve and quickly sneak him out the window before going to greet your mom. She only has a couple of questions about your weekend at Nancy’s and you do your best to come up with a story. She doesn't press though, most likely just relieved that you’re spending time with friends like you used to.
It is strange going back to school. Similar to the last time, but now everything just feels… silly. Days ago you were fighting for your life against other worldly creatures and now Mr. Johnson is asking if you completed the make-up assignments. It’s enough to give you whiplash.
Luckily, you have Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan there. Never all at the same time though. Things are still uncomfortable now that Nancy is officially dating Jonathan. Steve hasn’t talked to you about it once. You know that he thinks if he keeps on acting like he doesn't care, eventually he won’t. But you see it in his eyes each time he sees them together, his heart is broken.
You and Steve have been hanging out a lot more now, even without Nancy. Something about surviving a near death experience together really makes a friendship stronger. Nancy had Jonathan so Steve had you.
Things are still strange between you and Nancy. Even after everything came out and Hawkins Lab took responsibility for Barb's death, there still seemed to be this space between the two of you. You, sometimes, wonder if it will ever be the same between you. If it ever could be.
You are working on it though. Making an effort to remain friends with her. You still love her, but it’s different now. You both are.
You manage to attend Barb’s funeral. You don’t remember most of it. The chilling numbness creeping over you, the fog descending in your mind as the priest spoke and they brought out the casket. You know that you cried and that when you started to shake Steve wrapped an arm sound you. You couldn't watch as they lowered the pine box into the ground, turning your face into Steve’s shoulder. He didn't say anything, and you're thankful for that. At some point Nancy took your hand, squeezing it tightly, crying next to you. It was comforting to know that Barb’s parents would get some amount of closure, but you doubt you will ever be able to look at them without feeling the stab of guilt.
It’s good to finally be able to grieve the loss of Barb, with Nancy. It heals some of the space between you. As the weeks go by most of your time together is spent filling out late admission college applications. It doesn't feel as daunting when she is talking you through the process. She even helped you submit a couple of creative writing scholarships. It’s strange, actually thinking about the future.
Mrs. Henderson must have spread the word that you were babysitting again after she ran into you the night you were looking for Dart, because the next week you started getting calls. You were hesitant at first but with the thought of paying for college looming over you, you slowly started to take jobs. Keeping it within the party at first, but eventually branching out.
You never did get a call from the Hargrove house though.
You haven't spoken to Billy since that night. You have seen him around, of course. In the halls, in class, driving by. But, every time your eyes meet he looks away quickly or avoids you completely. You try not to dwell on it too much, when you think about that night you can’t ignore the twisting in your gut.
Billy not speaking to you could have something to do with Steve, who had not gotten over his broken nose yet, sticking close to your side. You had tried to explain to Steve that he didn’t have the whole story. But, it's difficult to do that without sharing things that were not yours to share.
You can’t say that you mind. Steve is one of the few people you would trust with your life. But, it’s getting a bit ridiculous. You swear that any time Billy comes close to you, Steve will angle his body to block you. He always plays it off, but you know that it’s intentional.
A new routine starts to form as the weeks pass. You still walk each morning, Steve driving you to school most days. You typically spend lunch with Steve as well, since Nancy normally eats with Jonathan in his car. After school you spend an hour doing homework and college prep with Nancy. You pick up babysitting jobs on Tuesdays, Thursdays and weekends. The rest of your time is filled with writing.
The stories are still dark, mirroring the dreams that still haunt you each night. It just seems like the best way for you to get the darkness inside of you out, on paper. Luckily you haven’t felt anything close to what you felt in your mind the night El closed the gate. The only person you had told about it was Steve, both of you agreed that since it had stopped there was no need to worry the rest of the group.
When the Snowball approaches Nancy convinces you to volunteer with her. She explains that it would look good on scholarship applications. You agree, and that’s how you ended up picking up trash around the middle school gym.
You found an outfit in the back of your closet that you are fairly certain hasn’t seen the light of day in 2 years. Despite your mom’s best efforts, it still managed to look wrinkled.
It isn’t all bad. The music is decent and you get to spend a bit of time with Nancy, reminiscing about your own middle school dances. Best of all though, is watching the awkward pre-teens navigate their feelings for one another. There's something refreshing about the way they take a deep breath, stealing their resolve, before taking the plunge and asking their crush to dance. Their minds, undoubtedly, spinning with panic and fear of rejection.
It must seem so important to them, so terrifying. That’s what kids their age should be scared of. Not monsters and government cover ups.
You smile to yourself, watching Lucas pair off with Max. You had seen that one from a mile away. A girl even asks Will to dance. You watch Dustin attempt to ask a girl to dance. She laughs and walks away. He turns to try again, only for the other girls to turn away. Your heart gives an uncomfortable squeeze. He looks around lost, alone… before heading for the bleachers.
Setting down your trash bag you take a step towards him but feel a hand on your elbow, stopping you. Turning you see Nancy smiling knowingly at you.
“I got this one.” She says, nodding in Dustin’s direction. Her smile is kind but there is a glint of sadness in her eyes. “Kind of reminds me of when we first met.” Your brows draw together, trying to recall when that was. You have known each other for so long it is hard to say. Seeing your confusion she chuckles softly.
“We were all so little, I’m not surprised you don’t remember.” She says kindly. “Barb and I were at the park, and there was this group of boys that kept messing with us, knocking over our toys and pulling our hair.” The sadness in her eyes makes sense, the memory flashes through your mind.
How could you forget the day you all became friends?
“We were both crying on the bench when you came out of nowhere and started yelling at them.” you laugh at the memory, tinged with the sadness of missing your friend. “I’m not even sure you were saying actual words.” She recalls chuckling.
“I think I was pretending to be a dog.” you add causing her to laugh.
“Well whatever you did, you scared them away and got our toys back. When you came over you told me that we looked sad and scared so you wanted to help.” Her gaze flickers to where Dustin sits on the bleachers. “You’re the reason we all became friends in the first place.” She says, her voice laced with sadness. “You’re always trying to help, and I guess what I’m trying to say is… Thank you.” When your eyes meet hers again there is a glint of unshed tears in her eyes.
Swallowing past the lump in your throat, you smile, pulling her into a hug. She holds you tightly.
Clearing your throat you pull away, not wanting to cry in the middle of a dance.
“You got this one.” you say gruffly, moving to pick up your trash bag. Nancy gives you one last smile before crossing the gym to Dustin. You watch her lead him to the dance floor, gently showing him how to dance. Your heart aches watching them. Memories of Nancy, Bard and you dancing together fill your mind. Nancy doing her best to get the two of you to move in any coordinated manner, eventually devolving into a mass of giggles and jumping around.
You have to turn away. You continue around the gym, picking up trash, until you see Eleven walk in. Mike sees her instantly. You watch as he leads her to the dance floor, the two of them cautiously coming together, so happy to be in the same place, together, alive. They awkwardly sway to the music and you can’t help but recall what Max had said to you on the kitchen floor. The comparison she had made between Mike and yourself.
Seeing Mike reunited with the person he thought he had lost hits you in a way you were not prepared for. The idea that something so amazing could happen for them and the fact that it would never happen for you. El is back, but Barb is gone forever. A bitter resentment twists in your gut, acidic bile rising in your throat at the thought.
You're disgusted at yourself for the feeling. You should be happy for them. What kind of monster thinks something like that?
The large gym suddenly feels too small, the music disorienting. The jumble of bodies makes it too warm. Your palms feel moist where they grip the black trash bag with white knuckles. Looking around frantically, you see the exit out the back of the gym and hurry towards it.
Pushing open the doors you rush out of the bustling gym into the freezing December night. The frigid air bites at your feverish skin, soothing you. You focus on taking deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. You stare after each exhalation, a small puff of breath shimmering in the dim light. Each inhale like ice, slowing the pounding of your heart, cooling the fire churning in your mind. After a few moments, your breathing comes more evenly and you run a shaking hand though your hair.
The world around you is so still. The cold seems to have calmed the earth, as well as your racing mind. Standing in the alleyway between the gym and the rest of the school, you gaze up at the night sky. The inky darkness speckled with shining stars. It’s calm. The sound of music drifting softly from behind you.
Hearing something move in the darkness to your left, you jump. Turning, you freeze, spotting a shadowy figure leaning against the wall in front of the dumpster, roughly 100 feet from you. You can’t make out their features from this far away in such low lighting. You see the low glow of embers flickering at the end of a cigarette that dangles from their lips.
Your body is rigid, muscles taught, your hand reflexively moving to your waist despite knowing your pistol is not there. Before your mind can decide between fight or flight the figure speaks.
“So, they put you on trash duty, loca?” A familiar voice calls. You feel yourself relax at the sound of Billy’s voice, releasing a breath. Billy pushes himself off the brick, standing upright as you approach, your eyes adjust to the light and you see him more clearly.
“Lurking in alleyways now?" You ask, drawing closer. "Very cool.” you shoot back, hoping the panic is gone from your voice as you stop in front of him. His outfit is more formal than you are used to seeing, a collared blue button up that matched his eyes well, along with a leather jacket and jeans. You vaguely wonder if the jacket is doing much to keep him warm. His lips twitch upwards at your comment, the embers of his cigarette glowing brighter as he inhales again.
“Not lurking, just…” He turns his head upwards, exhaling the smoke above your heads before levelling his eyes back on you. “Chaperoning.” He finishes, flicking the butt of his cigarette to the ground, using the toe of his boot to extinguish the remaining embers.
“That makes two of us.” You say, taking a step around him to get to the dumpsters lining the alleyway. Setting the garbage bag down, you open the lid of the large green container allowing it to fall back clanging against the metal loudly. You reach for the bag, preparing to hoist it in, but Billy’s hand beats you to it.
“I got it.” He says, quickly lifting the bag and tossing it in with little effort. You stare at him for a moment, confused.
“Thank you.” You say, hesitantly. He wipes his hands on his jeans, only grunting in response.
He hasn’t said so much as a sentence to you in over 6 weeks and now he’s doing you favours? Turning back to you, he shoves his hands into his pockets. He seems to make himself look somewhat smaller, hunching his shoulders slightly. You’re reminded of the way he had shrunk next to his father, your stomach flipping uncomfortably. His eyes find yours and you see the conflict in them. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something but stops, closing it again.
The only sound between you is the music drifting from the dance. His eyes hold yours and you have to look away, suddenly feeling warm under his intense gaze. You clear your throat, hoping to relieve some of the tension.
“Well, I-uh, I should…” you trail off, gesturing behind you to the doors leading back to the gym. Billy’s eyes remain transfixed, you feel heat begin to creep up your neck. Swallowing thickly, you move to take a step back, hoping to avoid any confrontation.
Before you can pull further away Billy’s hand reaches out, grasping your arm. His hold on you is surprisingly gentle, almost hesitant, and you notice that despite the cold air, his palm is warm. Glancing down at where his hand makes contact with your skin, you notice the healed scars on his knuckles. Your mouth suddenly feels dry. He clears his throat, drawing your attention back to his face.
“Listen, I’m not really… good… at stuff like this.” He admits gruffly. His eyes hold yours, his brows pulling together as the small muscle in his jaw flexes. You swear that in the dim light you see a dusting of pink in his cheeks, it must have been the cold. You wait in silence, watching him struggle to speak.
“Thank you.” he practically has to spit the words out. Your mouth gaps slightly. Billy was not one for niceties and you’re fairly certain this is the first time he has thanked you for anything.
Your shock turns to confusion, not entirely sure what he’s thanking you for.
“For what, exactly?” you ask as gently as you can. His eyes shift, falling to his boots.
“For that night you helped me find Max.” he explains, avoiding your eyes. “You really saved my ass with Neil.” he goes on. Your stomach twists at the memory. More specifically the way Neil had looked at his son as he stood, terrified, on the front steps. It had put you on edge then and now you know for good reason.
The gratitude you had seen in Billy’s eyes before he disappeared into the house suddenly makes sense. You have no idea what Neil would have done if you hadn’t insisted on speaking with him that night, but if Billy’s demeanour is anything to go by, it couldn’t have been good.
“You’re welcome.” You say, your voice barely above a whisper. Billy’s eyes meet yours again as he takes half a step closer to you. Against your will, your heart races at the proximity. You are suddenly aware of the heat radiating off of him, making the empty air behind you feel even colder. The hand encompassing your arm twitches, the warmth from it seeming to creep over your skin. You find yourself wanting to draw closer, to close the small distance between you and be consumed by the warmth. There is a pause of silence, the music emanating from the gym filling the space.
“Dance with me.” Billy says, suddenly. It’s less of a request and more of a gentle demand. You gap up at him not knowing what to say. It’s such an outlandish offer. It’s the middle of December, in an alleyway behind the gym at a middle school dance. His lips twitch upwards at your bewildered expression.
“What? Never danced with a guy before?” He asks, in a tone meant to be teasing. Your face heats up as you try to recall a time that you had been asked to dance, it had to have been in 8th grade.
“N-no, I have.” you deny. “It’s just we’re in an alleyway and- and it's freezing out.” you try to explain your hesitance, his grin only growing wider. The flash of his white teeth makes your stomach flip.
“Don’t worry loca, I’ll lead.” He assures you, the hand on your arm sliding down to gently hold your waist. He takes another step towards you and all the excuses die on your tongue as he smiles softly down at you. Your mind races, trying to recall what Nancy had taught you.
Squaring your shoulders towards him, you place your hands, arms extended, on his shoulders. Billy’s brows pull together, taking in your rigid posture.
“Jesus christ, what are you? 12?” he asks. You open your mouth to bite back at him but the hand on your waist pulls you closer, pressing your body fully against his. Your breath hitches as he slots one of his legs between yours.
“Now your arms go here. '' he instructs, his free hand moving your arm up around his neck, moving you, impossibly, closer. Your heart is pounding against your ribs so hard that you're certain he can feel it through where your chest is pressed against his. His hand trails down your side to your back, holding you against him with a firm pressure. He lowers his head, leaving the only space between you a few inches between your faces. You can feel his warm breath mingling with yours.
“Now feel the music, move with it.” He instructs, his tone gentler now, just a whisper between you. You can feel his breath fanning across your cheeks, under the smell of cigarettes you smell his peppermint toothpaste. You do your best to focus on the song over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. Taking a deep breath you begin to shift your feet slightly. Billy clicks his tongue.
“Loosen up a little, move from here.” He tells you his hands sliding down your sides to grip your hips, moving them against his in time with the music. You’re not fully aware of the butterflies fluttering in your stomach, too consumed by the way his body is moving. Feeling him sway along with you helps you move more rhythmically. The two of you begin slowly, building your confidence, Billy leading you. His body seems to consume you, guiding you along with him. Part of you is amazed at how he is able to fluidly move the two of you together as one, along with the music.
You begin to move independently, feeling more confident, his arms always around you. Becoming engrossed in the way the two of you are moving together, not even aware of the cold anymore. Your hand absentmindedly moves along his shoulders to the base of his neck, your fingers threading through his curls. They are surprisingly soft. You hear Billy hum, the sound vibrating through his chest. Without warning, he bows his head, leaning forward into you while his hands support your back, lowering you into a dip.
You can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up in your chest. Billy chuckles at your reaction, lifting you back up. Your smile remains on your face as he continues to move the two of you.
As the music slows, so does he. You pant a breath, trying to contain your smile as he slowly comes to a stop. He smiles back down at you in a way you haven’t seen before, his blue eyes sparkling. The closest you had seen was when he was talking about California, or when he was drugged. It makes your head feel fuzzy. He still holds you close to him, his eyes on you. With his eyes searching your face so intently, you suddenly feel embarrassed, averting your eyes.
“Thanks.” you say, not even sure what you’re thanking him for, but feeling like it needs to be said. You feel his hands tighten slightly on your waist.
“Don’t mention it.” he breaths. There is a pause, your eyes glancing back up to him. Your heart skips a beat when his eyes shift over your face, flickering momentarily to your lips. “I owe you anyway.” he chuckles, pulling himself away slightly. Without his body pressed against yours, you're aware of the cold air is around you. As much as you want to pull him close again, you reluctantly remove your arms from him.
You're about to ask him what he means by owing you when the sound of the gym doors opening startles you both. Nancy stands in the opening, peering out into the alleyway. Seeing her before she can make out your face in the dark, you take a step away from Billy, his hands falling from your waist. Finally seeing you, Nancy sighs.
“Hey, I was looking for you.” She says. You try to smile, tugging at your clothes, suddenly aware of how wrinkled they are.
“Sorry, I was taking out the trash.” You explain, hoping that the darkness conceals the reddening of your face. Nancy’s eyes narrow, adjusting to the darkness, darting between you and Billy before settling on you. One brow quirked inquisitively. “Right.” she says. You know that her investigative mind is already spinning. “Just making sure you’re okay.” It's a question. Nancy knows what happened between Billy and Steve. She knows what he is capable of, something you had momentarily forgotten.
“I’m good.” you assure her, smiling as best you can. “I’ll be back in a second.” you say quickly. Nancy glances at Billy once more before nodding and closing the door.
Exhaling, you turn to look at Billy. His gentle smile has been replaced by a cocky smirk, it makes you want to shove him.
“Smooth.” He crows, stepping back to lean against the wall. Rolling your eyes you run a hand through your hair, goosebumps rising on the skin of your arms, trying to put the way Billy had felt against you out of your mind. Glancing at him, you watch as he fishes his pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. You’re not sure what compels you, but you swallow past your embarrassment and speak up.
“Did you want to come inside?” You offer. Billy levels his eyes on you, a new cigarette dangling from his lips.
“Nah, I’m good ‘chaperoning’ from here.” He says, putting air quotes around the word, before retrieving his lighter and igniting the cigarette. Part of you wants to stay, another part wants him to come with you, but in the back of your mind you know that he will stay and you will go. That’s the way that it has to be, for now.
Turning, you head for the doors back to the bustling gym.
“I’ll see you around, Loca.” Billy calls after you.
Despite everything, you smile at the familiar goodbye.
“See you, Billy.” You reply, before opening the doors, walking back into the light of the gym, leaving Billy in the cold, dark, outside.
Part 1,... (Masterlist)...Part 21 (Coming Soon)...
AN: I hope you guys liked it! Finally a bit of steam in this slowburn!! Just a little taste of what's to come! Let me know what you guys think, leave a like of a comment! I read every one of them and appreciate it SO MUCH!
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okayyyy so i made a post abt this last night that was just a short ramble trying to piece my thoughts together but basically... i’m just really curious how will’s (possible) powers might manifest and what they might be, and i’m trying to like. reason out how i feel about them and what i personally think would be cool or fitting...
lots of people have talked about this before (like user pinkeoni has made some really good posts abt it, and i think heroesbyler has had good discussions abt it too) and what his powers might be, and a lot of them revolve around creation or light, both of which i’m very fond of
this isn't so much a theory or prediction as it is a "these are things i noticed and i think this would work well with the themes of the show" type of spiel. it ended up way longer than i wanted it to and goes off on multiple tangents because i can't stop myself, so i'm putting it under the cut lol
it's more just for me to try and articulate what i'm feeling about it, but if anyone actually reads this mess, you're more than welcome to share your thoughts :3
with the creation stuff, it automatically makes me think of the UD taking the shape of hawkins... because we know that henward grew to hate that town so why would vecna shape the UD to look like the place he hated? i suppose it could be bc he wanted to take revenge on the town, so why not daydream about it and destroy your scale model of it to get some catharsis, right? but... then it's frozen on the night will went missing? it’s possible that the UD could have simply taken the shape of hawkins when the s1 gate was opened and made the two worlds touch, thus making the UD a true "mirror" dimension of hawkins. but i also really like the idea of will getting sucked into the UD, panicking, wishing he had his hiding places to go to to escape from this monster chasing him, and poof! now he's in hawkins and all of his hiding places are there (he's good at hiding!) but it's still the "wrong" hawkins
but anyway, i want to move on to the "light" angle because there's so many things that i love about the possibility of will's powers taking the form of some kind of light to counteract the darkness created by vecna and the UD ("hide in the light" thank u max)
i especially think it would be cool for it to take the shape of some kind of fire or flame, even if the powers themselves don't behave like fire, like it's just a stylization choice to give some sort of visual that the characters and audience can see
i don't recall if there's any specific moment where any version of henward/vecna/001 or other characters talk about burning or fire as a form of destruction in a metaphorical/symbolic sense, but we see it enough of it literally throughout the show. fire is a means of causing pain, of killing, of destroying
season 1, nancy and jonathan think to burn the demogorgon to a crisp because, hey, that'd be a pretty effective way to kill something, right? so they carry that theory over into all the other seasons
season 2, we see hopper using his lighter to maneuver through the tunnels below hawkins, and the vines flinch away from the flame. we see owens and the lab using fire to cull the "weeds" still growing out of the gate. we see will react physically to the burning, feeling the pain through the link with the hivemind, and requiring it to be cold in order to not be in physical agony
season 3, uuuh i can't remember any direct usage of fire against the fleshflayer other than the fireworks, but that's more about the explosions than the flames imo lol. but we do get the sauna test (best s3 episode hands down mwah love it) and the aversion to heat that we see in billy and also in heather, though less prominently
season 4, we get murray's killer flamethrower scene and hopper using the flaming spear to keep the demogorgon at bay. our hawkins crew relies heavily on use of fire (flambé) in order to take out vecna's physical body
so there's just a lot of fire and fire as a means of destruction. but i can't help also thinking about how fire isn't purely a means of harm. fire keeps us warm, it brings us light in the darkness, it cooks our food and brings us health. the sun, a giant ball of fire, is essential for life to exist on earth. i especially keep thinking about how wildfires are a necessity to the planet, and in places like healthy grassland ecosystems, fires are crucial to burn out old growth to make way for new, fresh green, which the animals there then rely on. letting old growth continue to sit and dry out and die isn't good. it has to be removed completely so that new grass shoots can take over
(not to mention that allowing for controlled burns and letting wildfires run their course in a regular system ultimately allows for fewer, less destructive wildfires to happen. if there's no old, dry growth to burn, then there's less stuff to catch on fire)
how does this tie into the show, though?
to me, it makes me think of the concept of simply living with your trauma, not talking about it, and pretending everything is fine, when all that's doing is creating more kindling for a bigger, more destructive fire. it makes me think of season 2 and the conversation will has with jonathan about how everyone keeps treating him like he's gonna break, and the instructions joyce and hopper got from owens to just "treat him how you normally would." you can ignore trauma all you want and pretend everything is fine, but it's going to be more destructive in the long run. instead, letting him talk about it, listening, letting him burn things down a little bit, will be healthier because it'll clear out that old, dry grass clogging everything up and leave a clean patch of earth for him to build back up with new, healthier growth. you can take a weed wacker to it all you want, but those old roots are still there
not to mention the way they get rid of the mind flayer is to "burn it out of him." they literally let the "fire" run rampant, cranking up the heat to make his body inhabitable to the mind flayer, clearing out those nasty "weeds" so will can grow on his own (more or less) unimpeded
and then there's the s1 flashback scene between will and joyce where he's drawing will the wise shooting green fireballs. joyce asks, "why does he need fireballs if he's so wise? can't he just outsmart the bad guys?" but will explains that sometimes the bad guys are smart too, so he needs the fireballs
only here, they're green because he doesn't have a red crayon. this specific tidbit makes me think of how will's powers are currently repressed in some way. at that time, it was possibly because his powers "hadn't come in" yet, if we want to follow the idea that powers are a symbol for puberty or coming of age
he hasn't "found his flame" yet, so to speak (which is what got me thinking about all of this at all last night bc of the song 'find your flame' from the sonic frontiers ost the absolute slapper that it is) and at this point it's obvious that any awakening of his powers will happen in s5 when he's no longer being suppressed, much like how he currently has to suppress his true feelings, or how he's been unable to move on from what happened to him in s1 and 2
he has to use "fireballs" because sometimes the bad guy is smart. sometimes the bad guy has a trick up his sleeve (like *checks notes* literally not being able to die) and your original plan won't work. you can stock up on weapons, you can create as many sneaky ambushes as you want, you can solve all of the bad guy's riddles, but sometimes you need the fireballs
and, once again, we come back to how i feel like will's powers won't be literal fireballs, or something he physically wields. when it comes to el, henward, and kali, as well as the other powers that we see from other subjects, it's all something that they do. and here's where i start to struggle with how i want to articulate what i think about will's powers...
to me, will's possible powers aren't a weapon in the way that we've seen other powers used, or at least framed as, a weapon
like... i guess i do think that it's something that he can "do," but it's less "i'm going to move this thing with my mind" "i'm going to go into your head and walk through your memories" "i'm going to make you see something that isn't really there." like, he himself, his person, his mind, his essence, his intent, is the power. will byers is the light. why else constantly bask him in rays of sunshine, hm?? lol
again, i want to touch on the possibility of the UD hawkins manifesting simply because he wanted it to. he didn't think about it, he didn't deliberately go like "okay and now this house is here and this place is there" it simply... was. it just happened without much of his input other than a vague wish and panic
if we want to make it into something more deliberate, it makes me think of lio fotia in promare. the movie is basically about this group of people who suddenly developed "burnish" abilities, where they contain fire and have some sort of fire powers. they're persecuted by the rest of the planet, and are treated as terrorists and locked away in prisons and experimented upon. the fire, or "promare," inside of them is a double-edged sword, where they supposedly rejuvenate their bodies, but if they don't let it burn, it instead kills them and they turn to ash. spoilers i guess (you should definitely go watch this movie i highly recommend it), but near the end of the movie, lio is taken captive by the antagonist, kray foresight, and our other main chara galo thymos tries to save lio. kray lashes out using his burnish powers and tries to burn galo, but lio launches his own flames toward galo to protect him. when galo's firefighting team finds him, he's on fire, but he doesn't notice because the fire doesn't hurt him. it's a special kind of flame that doesn't burn! in the end, in order to save the world, they have to let it fully burn one last time, and galo and lio work together to wrap the entire earth in a massive wave of fire, and it's fire that takes the form of water. it engulfs everyone, but everyone realizes that it doesn't actually burn
i'm getting off topic but !! now we start getting less into "will has fire powers" and more "his powers are light and warmth" instead. like lio and galo's combined powers and intent (that's the other thing, that final big burn is different than the rest because of the intent behind it), it's not actually about the fire, it's about its purpose
he needs the fireballs to fight the bad guys, but in the case of our "bad guy," literal fireballs don't work. henward's past is a complicated one, and a lot of where he's been led was caused by his lack of a proper support system. he was villainized for being different. even when he was found by someone who "cared" for him, it was for that man's own personal gain, not because he actually cared about henward
henward was only ever burned and then left in the cold. nobody gave him a second chance like el, nobody listened to him like will. he was forced to fend for himself on his own in the darkness. he came to rely on the darkness. vecna literally focuses on the darkest thoughts of his victims in order to gain enough power to open gates. and sure, focusing on negative emotions gives all of our characters with powers some burst of strength
but then we're shown that love is what makes them even stronger. focusing on happy memories, memories of friends and loved ones, memories of the love itself, is what allows el to overpower 001 in the lab and to close the gate in s2 and to break billy out of his tether to the fleshflayer. and even in that final showdown in s3, she's not using her powers. she's burned out. in that moment, it's not the powers themselves that save them, it's the message behind it
will's whole character is about love and understanding. he puts himself last consistently, he puts the needs of others above himself, and he does not know how to be a little bit selfish when it comes to his feelings. he's sensitive, he's kind, he's artistic, he cries easy, he relies on his friends and family to feel safe and loved, and without them, he feels lost and hurt and alone. and there might be ups and downs, but he gets that love and support from them. they always have his back. he knows what it's like to feel pain and to suffer, but to have people who will stay by your side unconditionally through it all
and that's something he can offer to vecna and his alternate versions. he can offer that love, and that warmth, and that light in the darkness. and once again, i think it would be neat if it was less of a literal flame or source of light, and that it was will who is the source of light. like, he is the example for henward/vecna to see. he's the proof that despite all the bad shit there is in the world, there are people who will still love you anyway. there's people who will listen to you and care for you even if everyone else shuts you out
and even if it does take the form of something literal, of an actual flame or glowing ball of light or more of those glowy particles, it's not a weapon like the other powers we've seen
it's also about just shining a light on all the good stuff that's mixed in with the bad stuff. again, there is no black and white (thanks brenner, you fuck). henward was miserable in his life, he hated it and was frustrated that he felt trapped in a cage, and he only saw all the bad in the world. he couldn't see any of the good mixed in (ie. the possibility that he was friends with scott clarke as a kid, or even the fact that victor was really so caring and loved his son so much) because he just assumed it was all bad and he'd have to start from scratch to get any of the good he wanted
even focusing on the negative thoughts and feelings of his victims, vecna was able to be evaded by thinking of happy memories that took place at the same time as the bad ones. "hide in the light." again and again, we see max use memories, both past and present, to free herself from his clutches. good memories that still exist alongside the bad ones. and if vecna acknowledges that there's still good mixed in among the bad, his whole source of power, the foundation for his plan, completely crumbles
if will's power has to do with light, then he'll be the one to shine the light on all of the good memories that henward had mixed in among the bad. and this isn't to victim blame this 12 year old boy who was miserable and didn't know what else to do, but it's instead about his lack of support system, and how it's understandable to have grown so jaded, but that doesn't mean everything is bad, and there's still a chance for him to come back from it and change his way of thinking
henward was a wildfire waiting to happen, and rather than having someone to let him burn a little, to let out his anger and listen, he was trimmed back and suppressed. he had his old growth left there to dry out, which only added more kindling. he was never given the room to bring in new growth
and then to really tie in the use of fire to match the theme of "no black and white," i think about avatar the last airbender, and specifically the sun warrior temple that aang and zuko visit in the final book. in book 1 of atla, aang tries to learn firebending and jumps in too quickly, ends up burning katara's hands, and swears off ever learning firebending because he doesn't want to hurt anyone with it. in book 3, zuko offers to teach him, but aang is still very timid about it because of that incident in book 1. zuko also finds his firebending ability diminishing, and they surmise that it's because he no longer has this drive to find and capture the avatar. that was his source of power, his purpose, and now that it's no longer his purpose, he has to find the true way to master firebending. so, the two boys travel to the sun warrior temple to try to find answers. there, both zuko and aang admit that they really only see fire as something destructive, but the sun warriors remind them that fire is warmth and light and life. fire can be destructive, but it is not only destructive. it's something beautiful and necessary, you just have to respect it
feels pretty fitting for stranger things, yeah?
so, to wrap this all up before i go fucking crazy:
i personally think that will's powers will predominantly take the form of fire or light
i do also still adhere to some of the creation power theories, but it also wouldn't be crazy for him to have more than one power, right? after all, el can use telekinesis, track someone's physical location, and go into their minds. that's 3 pretty different things that she can do!
will is directly tied to the behavior of the lights in s1 and called back to in s4. throughout the show, and especially in s4, will is basked in sunshine on multiple occasions. sure, those instances are mostly about his bond to mike, and how mike sees him in this halo of light all the time...
but that still ties into the theme of love. those rays of light are about mike's love for will, and vice versa. but that kind of unconditional love and acceptance is something that will have to be extended to henward and vecna. therefore: light is the key
and again, it just feels very fitting to have the key be something like fire. something that's so often villainized and only seen as bad and destructive, when it truly is something that's misunderstood. unchecked, it can run rampant and cause pain and grief, but when respected, it can bring life and healing, for lack of a better word
so far, we've only seen fire used as a means of harm. it does keep our characters safe (ie. hopper's flaming spear, the flame thrower, the moltovs, etc.) but it is wielded as a weapon first, when it doesn't have to be
fire can cause pain, yes, but fire is also passion and love. light is something to be extended, to help people find their way out of the darkness, and i just think it would be really cool to see vecna, who's always shrouded in darkness, or henward who hid away in the dark attic surrounded by candles, to have a ray of warm sunshine like will byers hold out a hand to him and try to help
#okay i think i just need to stop lol. i could keep going and pull up actual evidence and stuff but#again this isnt really a theory. this is just something that i think is cool and worth thinking about irt his powers#and how they might manifest or be revealed in s5 and what their intent is#bc i could go on and on about how i feel about how will having a LACK of powers could be really cool and meaningful#but like. come on. it's really obvious at this point that he probably does have powers#so i wanted to try and reason it out to see if i could find a way for it to fit in a way that makes it really solid for me#will byers#stranger things#i say things
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Dear, Billy - B.Hargrove
Masterlist➢𖤓
Summary: <You visit Billy’s grave, and read out a letter you made for him before you possibly perish.>
Pairings: <Billy Hargrove x vecna cursed!reader>
Warnings: <angst, description of an afterlife, mentions of sex (just once), mentions of reincarnation >
a/n: <takes place during season 4 ofc. instead of max, it’s the reader who goes to the graveyard. i decided to make this scene a bit more relaxed and not in a rush like in the show (if that makes sense). Also, Eddie isn’t being hunted down by the infamous jocks. In conclusion, i changed a few things up. this is my first time writing for stranger things, so yea. Also if someone knows how to put the “view post” or “keep reading” tab on posts to shorten them on mobile, pls let me know asap. Au Revoir!>
creds for gif: @virginsuicide
⚠️ i will not allow anyone copy and pasting my work into any other social platform or site without consulting with me first ⚠️
꧁❦꧂
You sat in the passenger seat of Eddie’s van, along with Eddie, Steve, Dustin, and Lucas who sat in the back two rows. Leaning against the car window, you choose not to participate in the group conversation, preparing yourself for what was to come next. You knew you were possessed with vecna’s curse, and that you could do nothing about it. It only made sense to visit the ones you loved most, in case anything were to happen earlier than expected.
“Ok, love dove,” Eddie started, pulling over to the side of the road. “We’re here.”
You unbuckled your seat belt, and opened the door, grabbing the piece of notebook paper that was left untouched until now.
“Thanks, Eds,” you smiled, adjusting the strap of the bag that lay on your shoulder.
“We’ll be here till you come back,” Munson replied, stopping the car. “Take as long as you need, dear.”
“Of course,” you nodded, proceeding to the large graveyard that sat in front of you. Fidgeting with the paper, you took a deep breathe in, motivating yourself. Breathing out, you began searching for Billy’s grave.
After a brief few minutes of searching, you finally found his tombstone. The only tombstone that didn’t have any flowers, not yet at least. You brought yourself down to the grass, and sat with your legs crossed.
“Hey, Billy,” you greeted, meeting with a calm silence.
As the birds chirped and the wind howled, you inspected the tombstone, and made out every detail possible. Ripped up grass sprawled around the headstone, neither was it clean. It certainly didn’t look like anybody had been here for a while.
“I just wanted to stop by and say hello before I possibly… die,” you said, marking you words with a sad yet funny tone. “Wow, surprising, right,”
“Oh! I wrote a letter for you,” you blurted, realizing what you had came here for. You struggled to fish out the paper in your bag, but remembered it was right next to you the whole time, hidden under your long skirt.
“Here it is,” you picked up the paper, unfolding it.
“Dear Billy,” you began, clearing your throat.
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
“Dear Billy,
It’s been a couple months since you-know-what happened, and the world definitely hasn’t been the same since. Tommy H and Carol are still their same bitchy selves, can’t really get enough of that can we? A lot of crazy shit has happened in the last couple of days, a lot more crazier than what happened last summer.
How are you? I’m doing fine, just the same old Y/n. You know that Munson kid? Yea, he’s pretty sick, he’s got this guitar and it’s really cool looking. I know he’s not your kind of person, but once you get to know him, he’s really sweet. Harringtons got chicks now, now that you’re gone and most girls in this town aren’t fawning over you, including the moms.
I miss you, we all miss you. Especially Max. Neil left, and ran away to who knows where. Max has gotten really, even a bit too quiet. I think now that your gone, I feel very isolated. I miss when you’d climb into my bedroom from my window after a party, or Neil. I miss when you’d let me style your hair. I miss those late night drives in your Camaro. I miss when you’d talk to me about California, and how nice it was. I miss when you’d let me borrow your earrings, Max gave them to me when cleaning your stuff out. I miss those names you called me. I miss us flirting at the pool when you’re on duty and the moms saw. I miss your pretty eyes, and the way they’d sparkle in the moonlight. I definitely miss the sex. But lastly, I just miss us being together, and hanging out everyday. I mean, yea I have friends, but they’re just friends, nothing more. Now that I think about it, those were 10 things I miss about you.
I tell myself that I should move on focus on other things, such as college or trying to find a job that I actually enjoy. My mom says that I’m stuck in the past, which I most definitely am. It just feels so unfair, you know? Now that I’m practically dying, maybe I’ll see you soon? Perhaps in an afterlife, or we could just reincarnate into a life where we’ll both be happy. Oh Billy, I’m so scared. I’m really scared of this vecna bitch that just goes around killing teens. I really wish you were here. I love you, Billy Hargrove.
xoxo,
Y/n L/n “
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
By now, your eyes welled up with tears, as well as your nose runny as fuck. You covered your mouth, stopping the scream of anguish from escaping your lips. You were sobbing so hard that you could perhaps run out of tears.
“I’m so sorry, Billy,” you weeped, trying to breathe to really get your words out.
Covering your face with your hands, you struggled to take a good breathe.
Eventually, you cooled down and just sat in pure silence, taking in the peace of nature that stood around you.
“Oh, shit,” you said, looking down at your watch. “I better get going, Billy. Don’t wanna keep Ed’s waiting any longer than he should’ve.”
You stood, brushing off all the dirt and grass that stuck to your long skirt. You took the flowers you prepared out of your bag, and placed them gently in front of the headstone. You began to walk back to the van, wanting to finish today with a nice long bath.
Taking a glance of the now “flowered” tombstone, you remarked, “I hope you were listening, Bills, I really put me heart and soul into that shit.”
You let out a breathy laugh, remembering the struggle of having to write that letter.
“Oh I sure did, Princess,” a manly voice said.
That voice, why is it so familiar?
You turn back, and suddenly everything was dark, as if the sun had stopped working. It was so dark that you couldn’t even see past 5 feet. The air felt a lot colder than it had been 10 seconds ago.
“Hello? Who’s there?” you asked as your voice had drawn out into a murmur.
“No need to be afraid, darlin’” the voice chortled, seemingly getting closer.
A shrivel went down your spine as you froze in place. All the blood in your face had went away, making you pale as you could ever be.
“Billy?! Billy, is that you?!” you gasped, shocked at the current event.
From where the presence was, you couldn’t make out it’s face. But as it got closer, and moved into a spot with light, you were stunned.
It was Billy, indeed.
Imitating your shocked face, mouth dropped and eyes wide open, he let out a breathy laugh and winked at you.
“Hi ya’, doll.”
꧁❦꧂
a/n: I'm not sure what can over me to write this, but I definitely enjoyed. sorry for not posting in a while, things got busy, my dog's not doing well, and I hav no motivation. I'm currently obsessed with Lestat de Lioncourt, which doesn help with anything. The only thing keeping me going is literally just tumblr. oml, I'm so excited for vol. 2 of strangers things season 4 to come out, I'm just super anxious to see who dies, bc apparently it's confirmed by the Duffer brothers that five people are going to die during vol. 2 👀. i’m also going to a GVF concert in Anaheim in November, so yea. Adieu!
Reposts and requests are always welcomed! Make sure to go check ou my other stuff! My masterlist is linked at th top of the page! Thank you for reading my fan fic!
#stranger things#stranger things season 4#stranger things billy#stranger things fandom#stranger things fanfiction#billy hargove x reader#billy hargrove#billy hargove imagine#eddie x reader#billy x reader#billy x y/n#billy x you#eddie munson#steve harrington#eddie munson x reader#steve harrington x reader#fan fic#fan fiction#fanfic#steve x reader#dustin henderson#lucas sinclair#mike wheeler#001 x reader#dacre montgomery#dacre x reader#will byers#x reader#angst#billy hargrove angst
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Byler Analysis
This focuses mostly, but not only, on Mike Wheeler, because he's my favorite character who just deals with internalized homophobia (me fr).
I'm doing this episode by episode, starting from Season 1, ofc.
The time stamps on this episode are kind've iffy, just a few seconds off but the events I talk about happen at around the time that I put in, it should get more accurate as you go along, my phone was bugging out.
Also, please, I know some things might be stretches, but I truly believe almost everything has signuficance in this show, I payed attention to small details, like posters and pictures, I probably didn't even catch all of the hints, but anyways, I hope you enjoy this!
Season 1
Chapter One: The Vanishing of Will Byers
(01:50) The boys are playing Dungeons and Dragons, it foreshadows Wills disappearance
(02:10) I noticed stalkerish camera work on Mike, it happens a lot to Will before he disappears, as well as Nancy when she sees the demogorgan, it's like we're looking through the demogorgans eyes, but why do we see this with Mike? I see @lesbianmindflayer talk about this on her YouTube channel, but I didn't know that it started as early as episode one, literally two minutes in. It kinda makes sense for Mike to be a Vecna victim, especially because he's close to the two people that Vecna is after, Will and El. I suggest you watch "Why Mike Wheeler is Vecna's next victim (theory)" and "Who or What is watching Mike Wheeler? Compilation Reference." both by @lesbianmindflayer on YouTube.
(02:30) 13 is usually associated with being unlucky, and it is also associated with evil, but in this scene, it is good if Will rolled a 13 or higher, but no, he rolls a 7, which is associated with godliness and religion, but in this scene, it is bad. This may not be referencing anything in future seasons, and it may not be important, but it is quite interesting to me how they kinda reversed the meanings of the numbers.
(02:50) Random Pizza box, I'm pretty sure it reads "Pizza One", could be referencing Season 4?? I also think the way everyone panics and looks for the dice is a reference to how just like the dice went missing, Will did too. There's also a small poster on the wall on the right hand side of this scene, it shows a rainbow poster with a heart, now, Mike obviously is "the heart", according to Will.
(03:24) This is kinda far fetched but the guy on the TV looks awfully similar to Billy
(03:30) lot's of bird imagry, not sure what this means, but we see a specific owl picture multiple times in this Season, we also hear random Owl noises sometimes in this Season for like no reason whatsoever
(03:51) Another bird picture on the wall, I'm also pretty sure that "stranger things on stage", a canonical stage play, used a bird symbol on stage. They're trying to tell us something, I know it. (I think I'm going crazy help lol)
(04:20) More stalkerish camera work on the entire party, we see Wills bike for the first time in the show, which is very significant, as it is in every stranger things poster with Will, even if it's not quite in place, and we hear his bike sound repeatedly in Season 4, Will's bike is associated with trauma, I'm pretty sure. @willbyersabyss has a post about this, I think!
(04:32) Will tells Mike that he rolled a 7 and that the demogorgan got him, obviously foreshadowing his disappearance.
(04:46) Stalkerish camera now only on Mike, as the light flickers. Bro even looks up like "huh?" (CONFUSED MIKE). Anyways #flickergate PLEASE.
(05:34) X-men 134, I'm pretty sure this comic focused on Jean Grey (homophobic queen/j), which most likely represents El. It also foreshadows both Will and El's story line in this season.
(05:55) We see Will riding his bike home, with his yellow bike light reflecting onto the ground. Might be a reference of him being stuck in the upside down, and also him being the one to communicate with Joyce through the lights. Ah, we finally see the 'demogorgan', which is actually, most likely Vecna, and we hear Will's bike sound for the first time. From here on, we see the same stalkerish camera work used on Mike, now being used on Will. We also see Will's dog barking, and the same thing happens to Max.
(08:15) FINALLY. Eight One Five. No - Eight Fifteen. The exact moment when Will Byers goes missing. This timestamp is brought up in season 2, along with an addition the the sound track, "Eight Fifteen". Ha. Anyways, I actually really don't know if they're gonna do anything with these numbers, but if they do, I really wanna know what. Also, can we talk about the way in which Will goes missing? It zooms in on the light, the light turns extremely bright, and then he's just, gone? That's not what happened to Max when she got Vecna'd, her body was still here. And when the Hawkins gang went into the upside down, they had to go through the gate, they didn't just disappear into thin air. Something weird happened with Will. That's why we don't see it, and instead see the lights. Also, we never see Will talk about it ever again??? He may have forgotten his trauma, like El, as a coping mechanism, but it's just so weird to me, weird how he knew to talk to Joyce with the lights, weird how he knew to sing his favourite song, weird how he was kept alive for what, 2 weeks without food and water? Whilst barb died immediately as she entered the upside down. Weird how the upside down is literally stuck on the day that Will went missing. Weird how El literally knew him and pointed to his picture even though she never met him before. Just, all a little weird.
(11:33) Dragon poster on Will's wall, possible reference to season 4 painting.
(12:10) Mike puts syrup on his eggs, so does Will (well, in season 3, whilst he's talking about how he's not gonna fall in love). Mike is also wearing a shirt with blue and yellow stripes.
(12:55) Mike is the only one who seems worried about Will, it hadn't even been established that Will was missing, but he's still worried because he can't see his best platonic buddy.
(13:15) Mike is called "frogface", a reference to season 4 and also kermit the frog, a reference to basically the whole suzies house scene, a very, very gay scene for Mike, but we'll get to that when the time comes.
(13:48) Makes Dustin feel better about the bullying by comparing him to someone with superpowers, Mr Fantastic (cause he can stretch and stuff get it, well done Mike). I think this can be taken back to El, with superpowers, Mike only begins to show that he likes her when he realizes that she knows where Will is, and that she has cool powers that could help with finding him. As soon as he thinks Will is dead, he gets mad at her (for basically no reason). In fact, before he realized that she could help, he was making plans to send her back to where ever she came from lmfao, he didn't care, he was trying to be nice. El also literally told Mike in season 4, "the way you were looking at me, I felt like a monster." Whilst Will said in the van, "you make her feel like she's good for being different-" a completely contradiction to what El told him, which is why I truly think Mike knows that Will was projecting, just a lil, because most of the stuff Will was saying was contradicting El's statements. Mike literally says in his monologue, "You're my superhero." But she's not, she's not his superhero and she doesn't want to be either, that's why El feels that way, she doesn't want to be something she's not, and Mike doesn't have to be something he's not either. Anyways, we'll come back to this in the Season 4 analysis.
(17:48) Joyce says "He's a sensitive kid." A direct parallel to Vecna as a child, which is why I think Will has something Vecna wants, why Will was kept alive, because he's just like him.
(17:52) We understand that when Joyce said "different", she meant queer. And Hopper even asks, "is he?", and Joyce is like "are you serious rn bro", but I think Hopper is kinda right, he thinks Will might've been hatecrimed for being gay, that's how bad these situations can be.
(18:20) Joyce says "what about the other time, the one, the one!" could be a reference to 001/Vecna.
(18:25) Another reference to a bird, an owl, to be specific, and again, we hear Owl noises a lot this season.
(21:20) We see El for the first time, my pookie.
(22:52) First interaction we see with El and another person, that person calls her a boy, she's literally always called a boy this season it's not even funny anymore, Mike Wheeler I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. What is bro even hiding at this point.
(23:14) We see 'boy' behind Mr Clarke on the board, idk what this means here but we see this A LOT with Mike in season 3 and season 4
(25:40) 'Castle Byers' is painted in yellow whilst behind the structure of the castle is blue
(26:00) We see a tiger in castle byers, reference to season 4 poster that says "freshmen love their tigers" (💀). We then see a lot of Tigers in Will's room at California, and Mike is a freshman...
(34:56) Mike does to El in season 4 when they're eating what he does to his sister in season 1, a familial parallel, hinting that Mike loves El in a platonic way, but because of heteronormativity, he thinks that because El is a girl and he's a boy that he has to like her in a romantic way.
(36:25) Ted makes a homophobic comment and Mike immediately is defensive. He says that he's the only one that cares about Will, which, isn't really true, I mean, Joyce, Jonathan, Lucas, Dustin? Do they not exist? So Ted says, "We care." Which, again, maybe they do,but no one loves Will as much as Joyce and Mike do in this season, yes, other people care, but clearly, love outshines all of them, so, Mike is using "care" as a cover up for "love", obviously he'll get mad that no one gets it, because he cares, but in a different way.
(45:57) Mikes torch, which was once yellow (Wills colour) before, turns purple (Els colour).
(46:00) Mike meets El, she's wearing a yellow shirt, Mike literally could not give a shit, he looks confused, even slightly angry that El is not Will, but again, mostly confused, like, why is there a random person in the woods what is going on. And in the next episode, he's mostly worried about sending her home, but again, yeah, I'll talk about that later lmaoo.
I hope you liked this pookies, I'll do episode 2 tomorrow.
#byler#byler is real#byler is canon#byler is endgame#byler analysis#stranger things#gay#lgbtq#mike wheeler#mike wheeler is gay#mike wheeler is babygirl#mike wheeler is a boy kisser#the babygirlification of mike wheeler#will byers#will byers is gay#anti midleven#anti mileven#byler nation#mike wheeler is queer
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Vecna created the Mind Flayer (Theory)
I already touched on this in my post about what Vecna was up to during seasons 1-3 but I wanted to make a separate post discussing this theory in more detail.
WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SEASON 4 OF STRANGER THINGS.
Dustin's Theory
In season 4 Dustin theorizes that Vecna is acting on the orders of the Mindflayer, and this seems to be generally accepted by fandom as fact.
However, I think there's a strong argument to be made that Vecna is working independently from the Mindflayer or is even controlling him rather than the other way around.
Firstly, while Dustin's hunches are usually correct, it's important to keep in mind that he does not know everything we as the audience knows.
When analysing Vecna's motives, Dustin and Lucas have the following exchange:
As far as he's aware, Vecna is just another monster from the Upside Down, albeit a particularly powerful one. So his assumption makes perfect sense with the information he has.
Why would Vecna want to gain passage to an alien dimension, if not to conquer it? And why wouldn't Vecna be part of the same hivemind as the rest of the monsters in the Upside Down?
Of course, what Dustin doesn't know is that Vecna was originally a human being with psychic abilities comparable to Eleven's, who she banished to the Upside Down before the rest of them even knew she existed.
With that knowledge, "taking over the world" is no longer the most obvious motive for Vecna opening the gates. Given he was originally from the home dimension it makes a lot of sense that Vecna would want to return there. It's much more pleasant and hospitable for one. For another Vecna might have sentimental attachment to it. And of course he may be out for revenge against the one who banished him.
Of course, all this alone doesn't disprove Dustin's theory. It's entirely possible that after being sent to the Upside Down, Vecna was possessed by the Mindflayer and absorbed into the hivemind.
But let's take a look at Vecna's history and see why this might not be the case.
The Philosophy of Henry Creel
There is so much to unpack in all of Henry's scenes with Eleven, particularly his monologue at the end of episode 7, but there are a few strong themes that come up over and over again.
1. Freedom and Control
Even before we know his true identity, Henry frequently discusses the idea of control, specifically in reference to Dr Brenner.
He constantly talks about Brenner's desire to control both Eleven and himself, as well as the other children in the facility, and describes both himself and Eleven as individuals who cannot be controlled.
Even more often than he talks about control, Henry talks about the closely linked ideas of freedom and imprisonment.
When discussing his childhood, he explains how trapped and suffocated he felt by society and the rules that dictate it, as symbolised by the grandfather clock at Creel House.
He describes humanity as enforcing a "deeply unnatural" structure which he is desperate to separate himself from and the very thing that drives him to murder his family in the end is the fear that his mother intends to "lock [him] away", forcing him to conform.
Given the strong value Henry places on freedom and his determination not to be controlled, I highly doubt he would submit easily to the will of the Mindflayer. While it's possible that he simply wasn't strong enough to resist, I'm skeptical that this is the case given that both Billy and Will were able to resist the Mindflayer to an extent, even without the powerful psionic abilities Henry possesses.
His strong desire for freedom also provides another obvious explanation for why he would want to leave the Upside Down (now we know that Eleven trapped him there.)
With the full context of Vecna's backstory I suspect he is VERY angry at Eleven for what she did to him. She could have easily just killed him but instead she trapped him (in one of the worst places imaginable), stealing the freedom he's been fighting for his entire life, just when he thought he finally had it.
2. Fixing a Broken World
Henry describes how discovering a nest of spiders gave him a "new sense of purpose" and reshaped his worldview. He relates to spiders as creatures that are feared and misunderstood but also describes them as "Gods of this world", upholding what Henry believes to be a perfect natural order.
With Eleven's help, he seeks to emulate this structure, reshaping the world to his will. He believes that humans have "poisoned" the natural order and that by enforcing his own rules he can "restore balance to a broken world." He tells her that together they can "reshape the world" and remake it as they see fit.
3. A Predator "for Good"
Henry seems to view the world as firmly divided into predators and prey, with himself and Eleven as the former, but insists that they could be predators "for good", working to maintain balance in a chaotic world.
He describes Eleven as "superior" to her peers, implying that this is why he chose for her to live and for them to die. If all this sounds familiar, it may be because the Mindflayer is described as having a very similar worldview (Steve even compares him to the Nazis.)
4. Truth ("Holding up a mirror" to reality)
Despite constantly lying to Eleven himself, Henry also speaks often about the "truth" and describes himself as "holding up a mirror" to reveal things as they truly are. He is disgusted by his parents presenting themselves as "good, normal people" despite having done "awful things" and expresses his own inability to "pretend" for the sake of appearances.
It seems that, as Vecna, he views himself as holding up this mirror for his victims, showing them their own weakness and forcing them to confront their mistakes and regrets.
His use of the word mirror is particularly interesting given that the Upside Down is itself a mirror of Hawkins - a mirror of the oppressive world he resents so much.
Just like the visions Vecna torments his victims with, the Upside Down is a disturbing reflection of a distorted reality.
Similarities and Common Goals between Vecna and The Mindflayer
It is apparent right away that Vecna and The Mindflayer have a lot in common.
Both view themselves as "superior predators"
Both desire to control others
Both want to conquer/remake the world
Both are able to enter the minds of others (both in and outside of the Upside Down)
Both are associated with spiders
Bearing in mind that every one of these traits applied to Henry before he entered the Upside Down and became Vecna, I don't think these similarities are a coincidence.
How and why Henry (may have) created the Mindflayer
My theory is that before Henry was sent there, there were no monsters in the Upside Down.
When we see him falling through the Upside Down, being repeatedly struck by lightning and slowly transforming into the being we now know as Vecna, we don't see any other structures or creatures. All that is visible (except for Henry himself) are red storm clouds and lightning.
It could be that he eventually stopped falling and landed in a version of the Upside Down that more closely resembles the one we're all familiar with. But, even if this is the case, when did that happen and why?
The reveal that the Upside Down is frozen in time from the day Will went missing there could suggest that it wasn't a dark mirror of Hawkins until that day (when the second gate was opened.)
If Vecna has some level of control over the Upside Down, he may have replicated Hawkins and/or frozen time there on purpose (given the distain he expressed for the concept of time in his talk with Eleven.)
Perhaps when Will and other humans began to enter his realm, Vecna saw this as his opportunity to "hold up a mirror" to Hawkins.
So let's assume that Henry was tossed into a version of the Upside Down with no buildings, structures or signs of life, only clouds and lightning.
What if Henry (now Vecna) found he could use his powers to manipulate this plane of reality and create creatures to occupy it? Isn't that just what he had wanted to do? To make his own rules? To remake the world? To be a God of it? To create a world free from the plague of humanity?
What if he created his own perfect ecosystem? And ruling over all of it? The superior predator: a gigantic spider-like creature with psychic abilities comparable to his own. A creature that controls all but cannot be controlled. A creature that does not pretend to be anything other than itself.
And now his world is exactly as he wants it, now Eleven is weakened and absent, now it is time for Vecna to return home, get his vengeance and conquer his home dimension like he did the Upside Down.
TL;DR
Before becoming Vecna, Henry Creel told Eleven that he wants to remake the world. My theory is that by banishing him to the Upside Down, Eleven gave him the opportunity to do just that.
The Mindflayer's spider-like appearance and belief that it is superior to all others aligns with Henry's own beliefs and his talk of "holding up a mirror" to society is reminiscent of how the Upside Down is a mirror to Hawkins. I don't think any of this is a coincidence.
I think Henry used his powers to create the Mindflayer and all the other creatures of the Upside Down.
As always I would love to hear other people's theories or their thoughts on mine. Please do reply, reblog, comment or message me to discuss!
#stranger things meta#stranger things theories#stranger things#stranger things 4#st4 spoilers#stranger things spoilers#st4 theory#the mindflayer#henry creel#vecna#my posts
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i have no idea what scriptgate is and im too scared to ask anyone else pls pls explain bestie
oh god. this is how I know you don't look at all my posts (which is fair) but basically. there's this website 8flix that has LOTS of tv and movie scripts, including some stranger things ones. so byler fandom LOVES analyzing the scripts, bc they include like stage directions, and characters inner thoughts and stuff sometimes, and we've gotten some nice wins out of that, ("will isn't looking at the cute girl, he's looking at mike" you will always be famous)
so midway through july the dear billy script was being given out to donors, and it had some interesting stuff in it, so everyone went nuts and wanted the rest of them, so it's then announced we'll be getting the papa script on august 1st, again, only to donors. cool.
And then, it gets pushed back, to august 5th, last friday, (I can't believe it's already been a week) so this guy (nick) is making cryptic tweets about 4 chimes eastern time or whatever, and we all pick up that the script will be getting emailed out at about 4 pm est, and he's also been interacting with bylers a lot specifically and hyping it up bc we make up like 95% of the donors, and it's already been decided that those who are paying will immediately screenshot the important bits and post them, so comes 4 o'clock, and we're all refreshing the byler tag like crazy, but it's not out immediately. and at first we're like, yeah ok, this guy has to send the emails, AND then people have to post screenshots, so we'll wait a bit.
but then it's been an hour.
and then two hours.
and then three.
next thing we know, comes the announcement that he's having technical difficulties, and it will be released on saturday instead. same time. so saturday comes.
and we wait.
and we wait.
nothing.
here comes the announcement that YET AGAIN technical difficulties, he's going to work through the night, it will be emailed out sometime on sunday, but to hold us over, he posts a screenshot of a snippet of the van scene, which is what we all REALLY wanted to see. (the man knows his audience)
it includes the line "his [will's] own words cut deeply to the core. I hate who I am" as you can expect. sends the fandom into an ABSOLUTE frenzy. then, at like 6 in the morning, the full script drops, we spend all of sunday analyzing it to hell and back. we're finally happy. moments of peace.
then comes monday.
the twitter account for the stranger things writer's room says, and I quote, "PSA: any "leaked" season 4 scripts or script pages are FAKE. Do not pay anyone for scripts as this is a SCAM" (they also say that they'll start posting official script snippets of whatever we want to see)
so now we're all really confused? they didn't explicitly mention 8flix, but what else could they be referring to? #bylerscript has been trending on twitter for days now. but why didn't they mention it sooner? why didn't they say anything about pursuing legal action? why did people get copyright strikes for posting the 8flix scripts online? and 8flix looked legit? it's been running for years, it has thousands of scripts, and it's considered a valid resource for multiple ivy league film courses.
people are sending nick death threats, the mi|evens are laughing at us saying they knew it was a scam the whole time, all social media is a hellfire.
nick claims and continues to claim that if the scripts are fake, he didn't know it and also must've gotten fucked over by his source, I believe him, but his and 8flix's reputation is ruined now.
come wednesday. stranger writers twitter account runs a Twitter poll asking what we want to see. among the options is the van scene, we all vote for it, even though we think it's likely that they'll edit it before showing it to us, if there's even any evidence in there, and that option wins, we are now waiting for them to post it.
#you can scroll through my#scriptgate 2022#tag for the full saga in meme format#stranger things#byler#ask#hi hella! I'm so sorry hella!#also sorry I probably could've given you a short version#also can I ask what kick-started this?#I've been posting about scriptgate for like a week now#why do you only ask now?#WAIT I JUST REALIZED THAT MAYBE MY EARLIER REBLOG IS JUST THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE SEEN ONE OF THE SCRIPTGATE POSTS??#HOW??#YOU'RE SO LUCKY#I was blogging about it constantly and you just kept managing to miss it??#so sorry to break your streak ig#at least you weren't online for the sock anons either#you're so lucky byler nonsense keeps lining up with when you're offline
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maybe I'm just delusional. but i straight up believe he's not dead and that it's possible to bring him back
whether that's with the time jump or if they somehow find him when they enter the upside down next season, I firmly believe he's still alive
joseph literally did more interviews than natalia and charlie, why would they give him so many if he didn't become main cast? and with joseph teasing that he'll be in s5?? something feels off
When I went to bed yesterday, I was 100% certain that this was it.
But I whole-heartedly agree that it was so, so off and so wrong.
The whole promotion, all these interviews. What Joe said before Vol 2 aired; that he and Charlie Heaton were pressing for Jonathan and Eddie to meet in season 5 because they won’t get to meet in season 4 when he was asked what he’d have loved to see in this season. That he heard whispers about the plans for season 5 and was super excited. Like...why would he say these things, implying to be in ST5 when he knew he wouldn’t be? That man is a total sweetheart, he wouldn’t just build up hopes of the fans without reason.
The whole point of the Duffers being sorry about killing Chrissy off, that they would have changed the script to let an absolute side character stay when planning to kill Eddie off, anyway?
The whole meaninglessness of his death. There was NO POINT. The bats fell from the sky SECONDS after he died.
I don’t understand it. Barb’s death, Bob’s, Alexeij’s, Billy’s...they all had a purpose in the story. But Eddie’s? No. It was cheap shock value.
And don’t get me started on Eddie’s wounds. Like...I’ve worked in an ER for a whole year and I’ve seen things I can’t even tell you without a trigger warning but I’ve seen the gifsets of our lovely gif creators, lighter than the original versions and it. Doesn’t. Make. SENSE. The wounds are not deadly. I know these bats choked him like they did with Steve, but since he could still talk there couldn’t have been internal damage to his throat. No internal damage generally - there wasn’t even a lot of blood on his shirt. There was no gaping wound in his throat, nothing. He was way worse off than Steve, yes, but...none of these wounds could have been deadly, not even combined. We know the Duffers don’t shy away from depicting horrible wounds. Remember Bob and Billy. And don’t let me get started on poor Max. I’m trying to make sense of it and I can’t. I can’t wrap my head around what happened.
How long has Dustin stayed with Eddie - Dustin who, himself, had a freshly broken leg, a lot of adrenaline in his system, shock and panic. Who of course had to leave Eddie there, but how long did he wait?
What are the odds that Eddie just went into shock?
I’m sorry for the essay but the more my mind keeps forcing me to rewatch this horrible scene in my memories, the more I keep thinking that - just like you said - something is sooooo off. Like, is it my broken heart wanting to cling to a shred of hope here, am I being delusional and the Duffers simply didn’t care about this character (and if they didn’t, WHY ALL THIS PROMOTION???). Or do they have plans for Eddie and wanted to wait how the audience would receive him?
No clue. There are these two completely opposing voices screaming at me in my mind and I don’t have a fucking clue which one is the rational one.
I don’t even know at this point whether the Duffers would do something as “risky“ as a time jump.
When Eddie died, and then Max, my first thought was it’s gonna be like Infinity War. That each of our heroes would lose a loved one to give motivation to bring said loved one back in ST5. Dustin losing Eddie, Lucas and El losing Max.
They can bring Eddie back. They brought back Hopper - yes, they teased that in the post credit scene after the finale but they wouldn’t have needed to to still make it make sense. And Eddie’s odds have been better than Hopper’s and Max’s combined.
I’m just not sure if they want to bring him back. Maybe the audience’s reaction could still give them a nudge, I don’t know. Create art. Post about how his death was horrible, how we want him back, and do it RESPECTFULLY (PLEASE!) and maybe if we’re loud enough, they might hear us.
I’d love to hear all your thoughts on this.
#eddie munson#stranger things#stranger things 4#st4 spoilers#stranger things 4 spoilers#kiki answers#tw blood
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I want know about your Black Sails aus!!
Ah, thank you for asking!! I have several so this is a very long answer.
I've written a one shot where Abigail Ashe comes back to Nassau in Season 3. She watches, learns and reconciles the events of Seasons 3 and 4 before going her separate way again to settle in the colonies and keep a quieter resistance alive in the Deep South (I love Freedom Fighter Abigail theories and the lack of information post-Charles Town is an excellent playground). It explores Abby's mourning for her innocence, as well as her more complicated feelings towards pirates (Flint and Vane especially) in regards to both believing in their cause and being angry about what happened to her personally. From everything with Ned Lowe (and how she hates Vane for taking her, is grateful that he killed Lowe) to the death of Miranda (and her father's culpability in it) and finally to Flint's role in her father's rise and fall, it's a study of the grey area she inhabits. Mostly it focuses on various conversations between Abigail and Vane because they share one scene together but the way Abigail answers him with such an emphatic "good" in that cell despite being completely terrified of him compels me. That entire scene is so good, from the conversation about Lowe to the asking if Abigail's father loves her and the detached certainty of her answer that he'll pay and Vane's reactions to that having really only seen Eleanor and Richard's father-daughter relationship, it's just a very good scene.
A concept that also fascinates me that I've started playing around with is an AU where Vane and Miranda actually meet and how a chance stumbling upon one another turns into a personal power struggle between them where Miranda is bored and wants to push back against someone who's not Flint while Vane wants her to be afraid of him and is peeved it's not working. That one's more for the sheer fun of it because I had a vision in my head of Vane trying to play it cool across an afternoon tea setup with Miranda and failing miserably. Miranda is just having a good time ruffling feathers all around, including Flint's.
I also have a Pirates of the Caribbean and Black Sails crossover series that's a bunch of characters ruminating on one another (James Norrington on James McGraw and the scandal that caused in the Navy. Elizabeth Swann on Abigail Ashe and being the daughter of a governor involved with pirates, etc.) Basically it's a small collection of short, mostly canon compliant character studies that I'm having a ton of fun exploring.
Similarly, one that I've been writing for a long time but that will probably never see the light of day is a Black Sails and Game of Thrones crossover solely inspired by Tom Hopper being in both shows (for like 5 minutes in GoT). The basic backstory is that magic has been waking up for a long time and sometimes, people get caught in the crosshairs. Dickon Tarly is being sent to foster, his ship is caught in an awful storm that dumps them somewhere with different stars and they run afoul of an English vessel, resulting in Billy Bones being impressed and eventually leading him to Flint.
The story itself focuses on Billy Bones washing ashore back in Westeros instead of Skeleton Island and having to reconcile his life as a pirate and revolutionary with his childhood, and assumed birthright, as a powerful feudal lord. I lean a lot into the fantasy elements of ASoIaF, including long dormant magic waking up, the roles of gods versus the possibility that none exist and Euron's entire eldritch deal as he invades the Reach. Billy Bones comes back to a war-torn Westeros as someone jaded by the system of civilization that he's now thrust into the middle of. But Billy Bones cannot be what Westeros requires, Billy Bones is an agitator not lord. He may not have any ghosts chasing him here, but he has to reconcile two very different lives, build new alliances with war torn children of former enemies and navigate his father's ambitious plans all while trying to come to personal terms with the ramifications of his actions throughout Season 4. Also, you know, there's a madman destroying the Reach, ice zombies coming from the north, the capital is on fire and as Tyrells start dropping like flies, a lot of people are looking to him for answers he does not have, nor does he want to give.
Overall, this one's a silly premise that I'm having fun exploring and it's a very good visual of how I have changed and developed as a writer over the years.
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For your behind the scenes ask:
What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.
For any of your fics.
Ask list
The thing about that is, there are over 100K words of 20 Chain Links that have been written out and haven't been posted yet. That's more than half of it. The further into the fic the more the emotional and relational build up pays off, so most of my favorite scenes are going to be down the road. Another thing about it is how much all of the scenes play off of each other. It's hard to nail a certain favorite aspect of the story into just one scene.
So, without jumping from scene to scene commentary, I'd have to pick this one in chapter 6: it's the last scene with Billy. Or the last interaction scene anyway; obviously he dies after that, but this story being from Steve's perspective, he sees it from a distance and he's heavily concussed at the time.
I'll continue talking about it under the cut for length and spoiler reasons
The thing I like about this is how it jump starts Steve and Robin's relationship. They'd only been working together for a week, but they're working a very monotonous job with only preconceived notions of who Steve is, she would have continued to be nothing but condescending and mock him. His perception of her would stay negative and she would view this as confirmation of what she believed about his character.
Having this here gives her something to change the way she views him as a person, and loosens some tension between them. She knows that Steve tried to stop Billy from getting to her, because she hears a kick after she uses the broadcasting announcement system to call for security. She knew Billy would head toward the door, and was willing to take the risk that security would get to him before any (at least serious) harm was done to her. But she knows Steve held him up.
Then she goes on to see how unconcerned he seems to be with himself following the interaction. He says 'Don't worry about me; I'll get concealer for the bruises.'
She's more agreeable after that, opening the door for a fuller understanding later when she really lets herself get to know him as more than his reputation
So that's the answer to the question, but I'm going to take the opportunity to talk about this other scene in chapter 4 just because it's kind of something that really needs to be read into. I will be scene hopping just a little bit when talking about this
There's the scene where Hopper belittles Steve's intelligence. It's one of the few Hopper-Steve interactions in the fic (which is why this needs to be read into to grasp the background stuff I'm doing)
Someone left this lovely comment dissecting this scene
[“God, people aren’t kidding when they say you’re slow. Let me tell you the difference. You were a teenage boy. El’s a young girl. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or getting herself into.”
This was honestly deeply shocking to me. I dont know why, it was just shocking and upsetting. I wouldn't put it out of character for Hopper, I think that's the worst part for me cuz quite frankly he can be an ass, he has those moments, forget just being grumpy and abrasive. I re-watched season two recently and a lot of things stuck out to me and made me feel iffy. I'm glad however that he chose to reach out again to another adult and hope he takes their advice this time. He's a grown ass man, I need him to act like it especially in regards with the way he talks to kids sometimes.
But bloody hell you don't say that, that's so mean, it's devastating. He essentially has no adult support system and one of the like three adults in the know treats him like that. Sucks
And the misogyny oof. Also the way he seems to gloss over Steve sentence, the kids are want 13/14 in season 3, and I'm guessing I'll put Steve at 11/12 when he started kissing. That's not great, it's also weird because we have society telling us boys mature slower than girls, so boys will be boys, why then are they mature enough for relationship things?.
And the way Hopper gets immediately defensive and so aggressive about assigning blame. I find that conversation fascinating. Along with the conversation Bob had with Mike those two stuck at the most to me.]
And I responded:
[I really hated Hopper in season 3, so this is setting up where the decent would be there, but he's getting a sort of background arc in this version so he doesn't get that shitty. That arc involves Bob being such an open person that he's able to reason with Hopper. Here he just steps in though since Hop isn't at a place where he's able to express himself a lot. And we do see in season 3 how affected by toxic masculinity Hopper is. I wanted to keep some level of consistency with the characters even when I hated how some of the characters behaved at certain points. Like the first scene I changed in season 2 where Steve told Nancy they should take a break, because I have a hard time believing they'd be on such good terms later on after she cheated on him pretty blatantly. Also, I feel like it works better that way for how on good terms they are by season 4
I really wanted to address how bitter Hopper is in season three and also kind of divert that path a bit]
Bob is such a chill guy and he's very emotionally open, which is specifically something that Hopper struggles with. I think just existing around Bob would be good for him and since they're both close with Joyce I think they would get close through her. I'm picturing them going through a whole developing story on their own in the background to Steve's story where they figure their way into being polyamorous, but it's outside of Steve's periphery. Sometimes people are just going through their own stories just outside of the perception of your own
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Incomplete list of spn fics that live in my head
A Game of God. Magnum opus character study/rewrite of the god!Cas arc in the form of an Iliad-esque epic tragedy and political drama detailing Cas’ rise to power and fall from grace through the post-apocalyptic angel civil war, all from Cas’ pov. Featuring angel siblinghood, black trench coat Cas, cosmic battles for dominion over heaven, a thematic exploration of what it truly means to love and be loved, and most importantly: sincere, earnest, non-toxic Crowstiel :’)
Rowena MacLeod Versus the Forces of Love. Character study slash dark comedy chronicling major events from all three centuries of Rowena’s life, from sleepy medieval Scottish peasantry to standing as the most powerful witch of all time, and her journey through closing herself off to all forms of love and connection in order to pursue power before eventually, slowly, opening up again. Canon divergent in her reunion with Crowley and relationships with the other characters.
The Merry Misadventures of Death and the Devil. Gen fic about my concept of Billie’s friendship with Crowley through the years, from her reaping of Fergus MacLeod’s soul in the 18th century all the way up to the days just before Crowley’s suicide, and all the things they got up to in between. Split pov between the two of them.
The Apocalypse According to Kevin Tran. AU where Kevin is the first prophet instead of Chuck, and the Supernatural stories are posted on his Wattpad account. Follows Kevin’s efforts to stop the world from ending, as well as a budding friendship with his protector, the archangel Raphael. Also features Tran family bonding and a more developed concept of what it means to be a prophet and the struggles that come with the constant visions and voices and such.
Claire Novak Has Some Regrets. My angel hunter Claire AU where she has powers like Lily Sunder. She travels around saving people who have been possessed by angels and hunts Cas all through the events of canon. Explores the after-effects of angel possession, and plays with Claire’s complicated relationship with Cas by complicating it EVEN further. Possible Claire/Patience?
So Tell Me (Where To Put My Love). Thee Caswena bearding fic, another character study set indistinctly after Funeralia. Closeted gay Castiel is exhausted with Dean constantly trying to set him up on dates with women but is too terrified to come out, so Rowena offers to be his (very extravagant) beard. Hilarity ensues, Winchesters are made uncomfortable, and Cas and Rowena forge a strong if unlikely friendship while learning a lot about life, love, and self-worth along the way. Features shared grief over Crowley (with past Crowstiel), discussion of Dean’s abuse toward Cas, and exploration of both Cas and Rowena’s issues.
Gaol Ise Gaol I. Gen MacLeod character study, split povs. Rowena rescues Crowley from the Empty and things get awkward fast. Turns out this romanticised idea of a son in Rowena’s head, who she thought she was ready to love, doesn’t look quite the same when he’s standing in front of her again. And turns out the death Crowley brought so willingly upon himself, that he swore was the only solution to his pathetic life, might not have been what he wanted after all. Deals with Crowley and Rowena’s broken relationship and the mental effects of surviving a suicide attempt (technically) amongst other things.
Calamity Song. AU where Max and Alicia Banes replace Dean and Sam respectively, picking up in the equivalent of season 4/5 ish. Cas saves Max from hell, and the three of them work to avert the apocalypse. Basically exploring the base concepts of Team Free Will and D*stiel but making them actually good and real and meaningful and wholesome instead of *gestures to canon* whatever the fuck that’s supposed to be. Other major characters include Tasha Banes (roughly analogous to Bobby), Crowley, Billie (as Death), Ruby, Kevin (replacing Chuck), Eileen, and Cas’ garrison. Multiple povs plus Alicia/Eileen and Cas/Max.
Devil Is Fine. AU dramedy that follows dogged newspaper reporter Cassie Robinson as she investigates various strange and supernatural happenings and exorcises a few demons along the way—saving people, helping things. Includes cameos and run-ins from a whole bunch of our favourite side characters. Overarching plot still in development, but endgame Cassie/Billie.
It Gets Better. Serious short expanding on Cas’ offscreen time in the bunker in early s11 and examining the effects that Dean’s abuse and the enforced violent hunter lifestyle has on him. Ties into the panic attack he has to flashbacks of Dean beating him when trying to leave the bunker that one time. Canon divergent ending where he gets the hell out or so help me.
Space Oddity. Alone in the bunker, Crowley bandages his hand and makes a decision. Kind of dark due to themes of suicide but I need to put what the s12 finale makes me feel into words or I’ll explode.
#Just needed to dump all these somewhere#I want to write all of them so badly 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#Tw suicide mention#Tw abuse mention#My posts
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It's absolutely so annoying when the show puts so much emphasis on the guns, especially since they do nothing! They don't stop the demogorgans in S1, they're not even used in season 2, and I don't remember the scene from the cabin in season 3 but against Billy in the car it does nothing! And in season 4, it again fails to kill the demogorgan and like against Vecna, he was already on fire! The things that works better to weaken UD creatures than anything else. Honestly, in my opinion they just keep the gun to make sure Nancy is seen as a badass because she has a gun! (Ignoring any flaws that she has while they're at it) Like season 4 has so many flaws. Like how'd they know that sound would distract the bats? That was never established before in any season. Why didn't they give the distraction team fire, they always did in prior seasons? Why weren't more UD creatures attracted to Steve's blood? So many issues. I've posted about these before but season 4 has so many visible flaws, it's ridiculous.
(Anyways, sorry for the longish ask)
Anon you are so correct! The show does put heavy emphasis on the guns when they aren’t that effective like in season 4 they put so much emphasis on Nancy’s shot and it’s like why? What’s the purpose when they have not done shit (I think they were only useful against the Russians because they were human) but against the ud the guns were not useful. And it’s even more weird how much emphasis they put on the guns because of how much fire does hurt the UD like this season it’s the Hawkins gang they put more emphasis on the guns but with hoppper and etc they did put a lot of emphasis on fire which is just what I found) idk if it’s auccuarte though. But it’s weird about how much emphasis they put on guns when the fire is way more damage and harmful. And you’re right about everything that happened in past seasons and with your examples because they have never worked against the UD.
Honestly I agree with you about them just giving Nancy a gun because they want her to be a badass and it’s so odd to me because Nancy has not really succeeded at shooting well. Nancy has gotten better at handling a gun but shooting a gun and succeeding at that is not something she’s great at. Maybe once or twice it succeeding cuz I don’t remember what happened at the cabin either so she may have succeeding there. But also like she’s not really done anything with those guns like we said her shots really don’t do much at all honestly. If they wanted to make Nancy badass they could either: actually have the guns mean something or have Nancy use another weapon that she is skilled at and will do damage. We’ve seen Steve with a baseball bat with nails and he looks badass and it’s extremely affective so idk why they can’t do that with Nancy.
And yes about everything with season 4. Like there were so many flaws with that battle plan that honestly could have been thought out more. Because like you said about the music: how did they know that music would work on the bats? Because they only knew that the music worked for the victims to get out of his trance so how did they know that it would attract the bats? Yeah why didn’t they give the distraction team fire if they knew that fire hinders the UD which is something that they’ve known since season 2 so that absolutely doesn’t make sense that they wouldn’t think about it. I feel like everyone’s talked about it but yeah why didn’t the demgorgans get attracted to Steve’s blood? I think I’ve seen somewhere that people were saying that the demogorgans were in Russian however surely not all of them should’ve been there so that makes no sense. And yeah there were honestly a lot of flaws in season 4 especially with their battle plan. And I think that mainly has to do with everyone being separated this season however it should not have been as shitty as it was in season 4.
Also don’t feel sorry for the long ask I love getting long asks and talking about things with other people
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Fanfic Ideas #2
So I like the little dividers in the post so I’m just gonna give 11 ideas on each and make a new one every time :3
I’m also a very big person on fluff and hurt to comfort so the majority or all will probably just be that lol
x = Romantic
& = Platonic
🌸 = Someone wrote/read story
Previous one right here
Next one right here
If you find any of these/write them please tag me 🥰
———————————————————————
~12th one~
Billy Hargrove x reader, (Max Mayfield & reader)
Reader’s been spending a lot of time with Max lately and Billy’s not happy! Why is reader hanging out more with Max exactly? Their love for Kate Bush that’s why (and because Max is just awesome!)
“But… Billy, it’s Kate Bush! Kate fucking Bush!!!”
~13th one~
Steve Harrington x Chef reader
Having a S/O who visits you at work is great, having a S/O who brings you food everyday for your lunch break is amazing, having a S/O who cooks and is an AMAZING cook is “you’re too good for me wtf!” Lucky Steve gets home cooked meals every lunch ❤️ (and Robin we can’t forget Robin :3) The party? They’re pretty jealous though. (Family Video)
“Oh fuck yeah! My favorite!”
~14th one~
Eddie Munson x Fallen Angel reader
Eddie Munson the man who’s known as the “Freak” of Hawkins, who’s supposedly in a cult and has Satan hanging over him finds love… with an actual angel?! Yes you heard me right Eddie “the freak” Munson finds love with a fallen angel who sees him for him.
“Eddie Munson correct? It’s a pleasure to finally meet you” 🥰
~15th one~
Steve Harrington x reader
When the ding of the door indicates a new person wanting a sweet treat Steve gets ready to flirt his poor sad heart to the new beauty. Until he realizes it’s reader in a sailor outfit?! Yep! We got a new employee working at Scoops Ahoy and Steve can’t be more happy but also embarrassed. Will he get another tally on the “YOU SUCK” side or finally get a tally on the “YOU RULE” side?!
“Hey Dingus! Your sweetheart is here!”
~16th one~
Joseph Quinn x Costar/Wife reader 🌸
In an interview Joseph talks about how his wife who also plays his love interest taught him how to play Master of Puppets for season 4
“We have a video of Y/N teaching you Master of Puppets here”
~17th one~
Joseph Quinn x reader
When Noah tells reader about the Doja Cat drama reader becomes jealous and when they’re jealous they become a mess. Can Joseph calm the reader down before they do anything drastic?
“What do you mean?! He’s my man!”
~18th one~
Billy Hargrove x reader
Billy Hargrove is known for a lot of things. From a ladies man to sex on legs. There’s only one person who can make him rethink his actions. That person is his S/O who when jealous can kill him where he stands.
“I swear to god Billy Hargrove if I see that woman near you one more time I’ll chop off your god damn balls!”
~19th one~
Bat Eddie Munson x bat reader
Two vampires/bats doing their thing! Just so much love for each other
(Anything bat Eddie tbh)
~20th one~
Either
Eddie Munson x reader or Steve Harrington x reader
Reader overhears the boys talking and teasing Eddie (Steve) about his crush on you. Excited the reader is about to announce their presence until said male starts to denial any and all feeling and start to make up lies just to hide his emotions. Upset and hurt reader decides to try and change for no needed reason
“What?! I don’t like Y/N! I have no idea what you guys are talking about, I could never see myself with them… Right?!”
~21st one~
Eddie Munson x Singer reader
Eddie catches the reader singing Barracuda by Heart in the band room after hours and he just can’t look away. Little does he know that she’s also in a band… a band that he’s really fond of too!
“Oh yeah! My bands called Supreme Angels!” :)
#stranger things fanfiction ideas#stranger things#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson#billy hargrove x y/n#billy hargrove#joseph quinn#joseph quinn x reader#joseph quinn x y/n
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STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 V1 & V2 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT.
PERSONALS / NON-RP ACCOUNTS DNI.
UPDATED 07/07/2022 WITH NEW HEADCANONS.
okay so i’ve taken a good 24hr since i watched vol 2 to just let it sit and wait for my mind to figure this shit out. under the cut is what i’m going to be doing with max, considering she’s my most used muse here. some of this will be canon divergent for reasons i’ll list under the cut.
i’m also taking this opportunity to say here, like i’ve said over at @hcrgrove, the only max that is mikey and billy’s ( @hargrxve ) sister in their twin verse is my max unless you have plotted with both myself AND cat that this is different for your max. that’s not to say my max is exclusive to them because that’s not it at all, i have some awesome threads with other billy’s (looking @ u @turnedahero). it’s just becoming a lil problem on mikey so i figured i’d mention it.
firstly, because this (and all the billy slander in that ep) pissed me the fuck off: everything that max said about billy when luring vecna was just that, a lure. sure, she had fleeting moments in the beginning wishing that something would happen and he would disappear, but as she got to know him and what he’d been through - all of the abuse that went on through his childhood and in the home they shared together - max softened to him. she became a protector, of sorts. sure she was younger and didn’t have much of the ability to, but she stood up to neil where she could. and hey, she shared something in common with him, right ? shitty dads. he was her brother, whether they liked it or not, and especially after neil was gone, they grew closer. once she understood, she never ever thought him weak. she loves him.
everything else STILL happened. at the end of s4 vol2 max was in a coma, lost. she died in the upside down, still in vecna’s grasp. when el went into her mind, she found nothing because max wasn’t there. she’s not in there, in her own body; her spirit, soul and memories are all trapped in the upside down. vecna needs to either die, or she needs to be brought through from the upside down back into real hawkins for her to wake up. she will NOT wake up until this happens.
POST-VOL2: her friends figure it out, with the help of her brothers and eddie, and she ends up waking up. it takes a long time though, perhaps too long. when she wakes, billy, mikey and eddie are there quickly, as soon as the hospital calls them. they break the news robbie died that day, and she was in the coma for so long that the funeral has long since been and gone. (reaction drabble to come soon). her memories still fuzzy. reading the letters that she handed out whilst at risk of vecna helped to put things into place a little bit but everything is still a little bit fuzzy.
EDIT 07/07/2022: when she wakes up, there’s a lot of work before max can be released. whilst all her injuries are healed by the time she wakes up, because of the time spent in the coma she is very weak. she lost muscle mass and her bones became weaker, more brittle. until she put on some weight they kept her in a wheelchair and started with small exercises to strengthen the muscles, joints and bones. then it moved to walking aids which she used for a while, even when she first got out of the hospital. she can walk without them now, but sometimes max still struggles. she gets frustrated with it, especially considering it’s clear their fight isn’t over yet but it’s just how things are. at least she’s alive.
#st spoilers#st s4 spoilers#stranger things spoilers#stranger things s4 spoilers#verses. max mayfield
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stranger things 5 wishlist
stranger things 5 wishlist – in no particular order
max waking up from her coma, but still being blind. i hope they don't just brush her literally dying and coming back to life off and continue like nothing ever happened (that kind of happened with will in season 1 and 2 but i can't blame anyone since it was important for the storyline that everything was kept a secret and stuff) because having a blind character would be interesting, since she could prove that she can still be helpful to the party despite now having a disability.
dimitri (enzo) coming back for season 5. i am honestly kind of hoping that the whole russia storyline is over, since it was painful (a bit boring tbh) to see joyce, murray and hopper doing totally their own thing for the entire season, however i still want dimitri to come back. he was a pretty interesting character, in that he didn't backstab hopper, joyce and murray after they escaped and stuck with hopper the entire time. he couldn't have gone back to russia (at least i don't think so) because he must be considered a pariah/fugitive, so is he somewhere in america now? i guess i wouldn’t mind yuri coming back as well, i just think he fulfilled his role in the series and isn't needed anymore (that's where he differs from dimitri).
mike and will (possibly argyle and jonathan as well) having a much greater role in season 5. i was kind of disappointed when will and mike, who are supposed to be part of the og party, were on a road trip for half the season, so the fact that they are getting a bigger role in season 5 makes me ecstatic.
byler happening. if there is one season that is perfect for byler, it will be season 5. i mentioned this in a previous post but 4 and a half seasons of build-up will make byler incredibly satisfying when in inevitably happens.
it would also be great if they were to address the painting. like mike has this "oh my god" moment about the painting and the last letter that el sent to mike. mike could find the letter on the ground and read it again and then connect the dots.
more scenes with murray, joyce and hopper working as a team (and, as previously mentioned, dimitri). they are a pretty intelligent group and fun to watch. great dynamics between all of them.
robin and vickie. need i say more?
will shoots a gun and saves someone as a result of it. we know that he knows how to load and shoot a gun (and most likely done it before with his father), and no one has seen him do anything to harm someone in order to save someone else (something like smashing billy's head with a pipe, which mike did, or threatening to hurt billy with steve's bat, which max did) and we all know that he is far more capable than he seems. will shooting a gun is the bare minimum, for me.
if and when max wakes up from her coma, i really want erica to be there. i think it was really sweet when she stayed at the hospital with her brother despite barely knowing max, because her brother was there. i believe and hope that she will have a greater purpose in season 5, since she is a part of this vecna mess now.
robin and will finally meet (for real this time) and have a good talk about something they share in common. being different. i'm pretty sure robin has come to terms with her sexuality and has accepted it far better than will has. and jonathan is great, but he is most likely straight (he hasn't shown signs of being otherwise) and he can never relate to the struggle that his brother faces every day like robin can, and thus cannot help him as much as robin can. i am aware that the duffer brothers stated that they wouldn’t be doing smaller storylines in season 5 (for example, getting steve a girlfriend) like they did in the previous seasons, however this is not a small storyline. it's will byers' identity, one of the main characters of season 5. and when he does eventually get with mike, it will have been worth it to have a chat with robin, and make a lot more sense.
i was originally not planning to post this one publically because i know that a lot of people strongly disagree, but i am kind of hoping that eddie doesn't return for season 5. his character was great, but he did seem like a one season character. like bob, alexei and barb. and if eddie does come back, then literally none of the important characters (maybe papa but he was destined to die from the beginning anyway) died. eddie died at the perfect time (writing wise – not so much for the characters) and if he were to be brought back to life, then i would personally just be confused and a little disappointed. joseph quinn did say, however, that he would be returning for season 5 (or something similar), so eddie might come back in flashbacks or something. or at least, that's what i hope. also, if eddie were to come back, then that just adds another character that needs an important role in the storyline, or what would have been the use in bringing him back? there's already will, mike, dustin, lucas, el, possibly max, joyce, hopper, jonathan, nancy, steve, robin and probably some more that i forgot, that need to play an important role in season 5 for all the build-up to be worth it. and besides, did the duffer brothers not say that it would be down to the core 4 to defeat vecna? that means that all of the young adults (that includes eddie) will not be involved in the final blow to vecna, and so that kind of disproves the kas theory (there is the possibility that i am misinterpreting what the duffer brothers said about the core 4).
el gets some independent badass moments. i think she already established that we was capable of doing great things by herself but now we need it to be explicit. and also, more centred around her personality – how her compassion, loyalty and bravery helps in the time of battle.
mike or will to get vecna'd. i feel kind of mean saying that, but it could be very beneficial to the plot. think about it, if one or the other were to get vecna'd, that would allow for a very emotional scene directed by the person that doesn't get vecna'd. i actually made a post about this here already.
we see more of jonathan and will being brothers. they were shown to be quite close in season 1 and 2, but then they started drifting apart after that. it's still very clear, though, that they both care for each other very much, and i would like to see a lot more of that in season 5.
similarly, more scenes with el and hopper. i think they were awesome in season 2, like they could both teach each other things. and el needs a proper father figure, since she has literally never had one before in her life. i liked how hopper was there for el in season 2 when she was closing the gate, since that really shows that even the strongest and most independent of characters need other people to help them sometimes.
this list is unfinished, but these are the ones that i think are most likely and/or my top ones. this post is also mainly for my documentation purposes so that when season 5 comes out i can find this list easily, so if i was unclear on some things, i apologise!
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