“They’ll be okay,” Eddie says, eyeing the spiked bat nervously as though Billy might take it to his kneecaps. He’s definitely considered it and he knows that Henderson has been tattling about the plate incident.
“‘I wasn’t worried,” Billy grunts, even though it’s a lie. Every part of him tensed up the second Max and Steve left his sight.
“Sure,” Eddie says slowly, tapping his fingers against his knees. There’s some sort of permanently jittery air about him, some manic energy that makes it impossible to sit still. Billy sighs and tips his head back against the glass, thinking that maybe he can catch a quick cat nap while they wait. No one’s really had any sleep since Vecna’s first attack and they’re all running on caffeine and the memory of sleep.
Billy feels as though he hasn’t slept in a year. Does being dead count as sleep?
“Hey,” Eddie whispers and nudges Billy’s elbow with his own, forcing Billy to open his eyes. “Uhhh. Given that we’re about to head into hell itself and willingly put ourselves up as bait to a swarm of demonic bats controlled by an all seeing villain, I think that maybe we should air some shit out.”
Billy twists his head to get a good look at Munson’s tense face. Ah, fuck.
“I get the feeling that you don’t like me and that might be a problem if you have to watch my back during all this,” Eddie babbles on, keeping an eye on Lucas and Chrissy who are talking quietly to each other near the front of the RV, Henderson pacing up and down. Chrissy is curled up in a chair, still wearing her Hawkins Tigers sweatshirt, anxiously ripping the label off a water bottle. Max had been adamant about baiting Vecna, arguing that her music and Lucas would all be enough to keep her alive. The decision weighs heavily on Chrissy - also hunted, also haunted - but her part is no less risky. She’ll have to actually step into the Upside Down to act as a distraction. There’s still a chance Vecna could get her there but she also won’t be talked out of it.
“It’s fine,” Billy says, turning his head back and leaning it against the window. His head is thumping and everything still feels like too much after the Upside down. Everything is too bright and too raw. Sunlight feels too hot on his skin, water is like glass down his throat. He wonders sometimes if he forgot how to be human. But he knows that’s bullshit. He forgot how to do that long before the Mind Flayer. “We don’t have a problem.”
“I kind of get the feeling that you do,” Eddie says, looking like he really regrets this conversation. They never spoke during their brief shared time at Hawkins High to Billy’s knowledge. There’s probably a good reason for it. “Which is fine, I get it. I would too if…it doesn’t matter. I’m just saying that we’re about to go into some mega shit and you and I have a similar interest in this mission going well.” His eyes flick to Chrissy. Ah. By ‘similar interests’ he means keeping both redheads alive and away from Vecna.
“Look, even if I did have a problem, I wouldn’t let it get in the way of watching your back,” Billy says sharply. “Because the minute I do, the bats go back to Vecna and attack Wheeler’s group before they have a chance to take him out. Which kind of puts my sister in a less-than-alive position, okay?”
“Good,” Eddie says hesitantly. “Just checking.” He slumps back in his seat and begins to pick black nail polish off his fingernails.
Ugh. This is why Billy doesn’t do this kind of crap.
“I didn’t…totally like you in the Upside Down. If that’s what you were picking up on.” Eddie’s head jerks up, like a puppy presented with a bone.
“Is this down to the whole not exactly jumping in feet first to save Harrington kind of thing?” And Billy tightens his grip around Steve’s nailed bat.
“I’m not wild about it,” he says through gritted teeth. Then again, he’s not wild about Wheeler diving in head first either or her suddenly forgetting her long term boyfriend. But hey, that’s actually kind of a habit for her, right?
“Yeah, so having guts isn’t exactly my strong point,” Eddie says sheepishly. “I didn’t really expect this whole end of the world thing to have the clause of a ragtag group of losers being the only thing between Hawkins and total destruction, you know? There should be guns and tanks and big government agencies coming in for this thing. Not a bunch of kids in a RV.”
Billy’s grip loosens ever so slightly.
“Yeah, well,” he says gruffly. “I’m not what you’d call a hero either.”
“No?”
“Well, last time I was a possessed vessel for Vecna’s mind controlled, bleach chugging, murdering army so….” Billy shrugs and enjoys the look on Eddie’s face. He chuckles and tips his head back. “I’m guessing they missed that bit out.”
“Yeah, a bit,” Eddie says, letting out a long, slow breath. “I mean, I just used to think you died in the fire at Starcourt, you know? Like Heather and David and everyone else. There was an assembly about it. But I’m guessing…”
“None of them ever actually died at Starcourt,” Billy says, tapping the end of the bat on the floor. He needs something else to focus on, other than Eddie’s open face. He doesn’t want to talk about last year, not to Max, not to anyone. But Eddie wasn’t there. Somehow that feels easier. “They were all used as part of the monster’s body. They were just dissolved, all of them. Everyone but me.”
“But you still died,” Eddie says gingerly. Billy sucks in a breath, unable to stop it all flooding back to him. It comes in waves: the light over Starcourt, the stench of acid and blood, hearing the jagged rasp of his own breath. Eleven, bruised but alive. Max begging for him to get up. Only having enough strength to say two words to her.
“Yeah,” Billy says quietly.
“I’ve got debts to pay back,” he admits. “To Steve, to Lucas. Max, especially. And Eleven, if I ever see her again. And I’ve got my own issues with that fucker in my head, you know? For a week, I was under his control. I didn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. My body wasn’t my own. Dying was almost easier.” Something in Eddie’s face shifts, his jaw moving as he searches for the right words.
“I don’t want anyone to die this time,” and Billy doesn’t even have to look to know that he means Chrissy. It’s too easy to catch the way his eyes always drift to Chrissy, finding her as easily as the north star.
Billy knows that feeling all too well. His star just vanished, bloodied and bandaged, into the Warzone.
“Me either,” Billy says. He has enough red in his ledger. It’s time to make some of it clean again. He can’t do much about Wheeler’s group - he doesn’t like it but they’re the three most capable of surviving. He half wishes he could go with Max, unhappy with leaving her with only Lucas and Erica to look out for her. But they’re in Hawkins for real, and least likely to need physical protection. He only has control over looking out for Munson, Henderson and Chrissy. And yeah, Henderson is annoying as shit and Munson’s not much better but he’s not going to let anyone die. Not again.
He sees Heather’s face in his dreams. Of all the deaths he has on his conscience, her’s is the worst. The first he took down with him.
“It’s a bat shit crazy plan,” Eddie mutters, burying his face in his hands. “Absolutely insane.”
“Pretty standard for this group,” Billy says easily. Clearly rising from the dead in an alternate dimension makes him better equipped to deal with this than Munson. “But maybe it’s crazy enough to work?”
They share a look. They might still come out on top. But half their party is missing and apparently out of contact and their plan involves Max being used as bait, sending Steve and the others into the Creel house and Billy watching out for a cheerleader and two Hellfire dorks as they distract a bunch of ravenous demon bats.
Yeah. This should work great.
“Look,” Eddie says again, looking as though he found some more nerve from their sudden camaraderie. “If you think there’s anything between me and Steve, you’re wrong…” Billy’s whole body jerks and he whips his head to the front. But Lucas and the others haven’t heard, Henderson loudly complaining about the time.
“Shut the fuck up,” Billy says in a low voice, settling his eyes on Eddie. His breath catches in his throat, even though he knows that Neil is long gone, that his death has given him an unexpected clean slate. But old habits die hard and Billy can still feel the ghost of knuckles colliding with his cheek. “You don’t know what you’re talking about so don’t fucking bring it up again, okay?”
Eddie pales, eyes drawn back to the bat in Billy’s hands.
“I won’t,” he says hurriedly. “I wouldn’t say anything, I swear. I just…thought you should know.” Mollified, Billy leans back in his seat.
“Yeah,” he says, shortly. “Thanks.”
Munson knows. He knows. And Billy suspects that the band chick, Robin, isn’t far behind. And Max…
Max is better at keeping secrets these days. But Billy’s secret is no longer just his and it’s sliding like sand from between his fingers. He’s being too obvious - unable to keep his eyes from Steve’s bare chest, his fingers too slow to slip away from Steve’s after pulling him up, wiping blood from the cut on Steve’s face. Hell, it was Steve’s presence in the Upside down that woke him after all.
Steve can’t know. Billy will do everything he can to keep Steve safe, and the rest of the party alive and that’s all. He can never know.
“Hey,” Billy says, suddenly feeling like a dick. Which he is but he’s trying not to be. “Sorry, man, I don’t mean to…”
But before he can finish, the door swings open and the rest of the group pile in, clutching brown paper bags and wearing identical panicked expressions.
“We gotta go,” Steve says, dumping his bag down into Dustin’s arms and flinging a black jacket at Eddie. He catches Billy's eye ever so briefly before he’s hauling himself into the front seat and Max is slamming the door shut.
“Your old friends are here,” Erica says pointedly and Chrissy goes white.
“Jason too?” she asks. Steve shouts at them all to sit down and Billy tries not to feel sick as Wheeler takes the passenger seat next to him. He knows that he can’t be up front - if Jason and his ilk are already spouting shit about satanic cults, then the reappearance of a definitely dead former classmate would send them into a frenzy. They’ll think Eddie’s a necromancer, on top of hypnotizing Chrissy into joining them.
But she takes her place like it’s always going to be her’s.
“Jason too,” Erica says as the RV takes off in a lurch and they’re hurtling out of the parking lot and away from Warzone. Billy lifts the curtain just in time to get a glimpse of those very familiar green, white and orange jackets bundle out of the front door. Billy gets a look at Jason’s furious face before they’re gone and speeding back towards Hawkins.
“That was close,” Max sighs, even though the worst part of the mission is still to come.
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees and finally looks at the material in his arms. “Hey, Hargrove, I think this one is for you.” He offers Billy a denim jacket, the material soft under Billy’s fingers. It looks like the one he’d worn Junior year, the cuffs already rolled up, a red bandanna shoved into one of the pockets. Something swoops unpleasantly in Billy’s stomach.
“Nice of Harrington,” Eddie comments and Billy rubs a finger across the collar.
“Yeah,” he mumbles and shrugs it on over his bloodied white tee. It fits perfectly and he pretends not to see Steve’s eyes in the rear-view mirror.
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