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broken-glowsticks · 3 months

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What Once was Mine

Chapter 11 - When, How, and Why

Genre: Childhood friends, Eventual Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Love corner/love triangle, love rivals, Series.

NOT ALL CHAPTERS WILL BE PROOF READ!!

Warnings: 18+, mdni, mentions of sex and alcohol consumption, additional warnings will be added to individual chapters as needed.

Additional warnings: mentions of explicit sex, loss of virginity, fingering (f receiving), piv, mentions of an underage related, mentions of bruises and bodily harm, slight angst.

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“What do you mean he almost kissed you?!” Felix's deep baritone ricocheted off the walls of his room, immediately followed by your hasty shushing.

“Ssshhhh! Felix, shut your face! I don't want Chan to hear!”

“Chan's elbows deep in work right now, his headphones are basically fused to his head. He's not going to hear anything.” Felix retorted, grabbing your wrists and removing the hands you had shoved against his mouth to shut him up. He didn't let you go, though. “Now spill,” he commanded, pulling you closer, a devious smile on his lips, “what exactly happened?”

With a sigh, you pulled your hands from Felix's grasp. Scooting closer to him on his bed, you tried to keep your voice down as you relayed the events that had happened the previous night.

“No fucking way, you little tease!” Felix basically sang as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, drawing you in to roughly nuzzle you.

“Ow, ow, ow, Felix, knock it off!” You whined, shoving him off you and yanking away the pillow he was leaning on as a form of cover. Felix only giggled.

“Alright, joking aside,” Felix began, once again pulling you in but gentler this time. “How do you feel about what almost happened?”

You sighed. Laying down, you rested your head on Felix's leg, gathering your thoughts as he began to tenderly stroke your hair. How did you really feel about Hyunjin almost kissing you?

“I feel like there's something going on that he's not telling me.”

“Okay, elaborate?”

“Hyunjin… struggles to communicate how he feels, he always has. The sex… always meant more.”

“More for him? I thought it was just something casual?” Felix meant no harm in his questions, genuinely wanting to understand. Before tonight, Felix didn't know Hyunjin as anything other than an obstacle to you and Changbins’ budding relationship. Everything he's ever learned about the guy has come from Jisungs’ blatant and self-admitted biased view. And while you knew Felix was still trying to sort things out, it still stung to be reminded how much you wished the sex with Hyunjin meant something different than it did. But you never pushed. You never dared to expose yourself like that because the entire time you were with him, you knew what those moments meant for Hyunjin.

“Hooking up…” you began, trying to find the words to properly express yourself, “sure, we would sometimes do it for fun or to de-stress, but that's not how it started.”

“Then… how did it start?” Taking your face in his hands, Felix leaned over, meeting his eyes with yours. “If the sex wasn't mainly just for fun, then what made you two start up in the first place?”

Your lips pressed into a thin line. You struggled to hold Felix's gaze, but he asked, and you've never spoken about this to anyone, not even Jisung, who's known you since before Hyunjin even re-entered your life. You don't know why you never spoke about it, maybe it was time.

“Alright, let's get some snacks and something to drink, I might get emotional.”

○●♡☆♡●○

You sniffled as you curled yourself further under your fluffy comforter, makeup smearing against your pillow - you didn't care, you were too heartbroken. Tonight was supposed to be the best date of your teenage life, never would you have thought someone from Hyunjins untouchable circle would take any kind of interest in you, you always assumed they thought too highly of themselves based on how they acted in the halls. Turns out you were right.

You had planned this night for days. All dressed up in the new outfit you had gotten at the mall with Jisung and his girlfriend, even tentatively donning the pretty lingerie set you had snuck off to buy in the event things got heated and felt right. Your parents weren't home, set to be gone until some time tomorrow afternoon. You had made a simple dinner and picked out a few movies to possibly rent in the event the night stayed chaste. Everything was all set, yet as time ticked by, you began to worry. When your dates' appointed arrival time came and went, you began to get nervous, texting him and Hyunjin in an attempt to get ahold of the elusive boy.

You weren't expecting Hyunjin to be able to do much, he had mentioned he had plans of his own and would check in whenever he had the time, but so far he had only been able to reply twice - both times before your date was even meant to begin. At least Hyunjin managed to reply at all. You had debated over calling Jisung, but you very much didn't want to deal with the embarrassment of admitting you may have gotten stood up because he was so against the date in the first place, only helping because you expressed it was something you really wanted. Maybe you should call your date? Not wanting to seem clingy and give him the benefit of the doubt you simply assumed his phone had died or something of the sort, leading you to lay on the couch to wait for him, eating chocolate and ice cream with some random YouTube videos playing to fill the dead air as you scrolled social media. That's when you saw it.

You had followed this boy on Instagram a little bit ago, hanging on his every post as a way to glean more knowledge of him, but at this moment you wished you didn't even know about his Instagram page at all. There, at the very top of your feed, was a carousel of images of him at a party, an impossibly gorgeous girl clinging to him like shrink wrap.

A burn scorched your throat as it tightened, your heart dropping to your stomach. Hot, angry tears welled in your eyes as, stupidly, you tapped on his profile picture and pulled up his stories, the time stamp indicating he posted only minutes ago. He looked like he was having so much fun, especially with that girl who was showing up often. The final nail in the coffin was when you saw your would-be date's final story, where - presumably - one of his friends had filmed him explicitly licking whipped cream off the girl's chest. Broken and disgusted, you aggressively dashed away your phone, escaping your room to wallow in your sorrows. You stayed there, sobbing, until you had no more tears to give, seeking solace within the plush embrace of your bed.

You were unsure when you started debating over cleaning up, maybe eating the dinner you made - no point in letting good food go to waste. You had only just managed to sit upright in your bed when you heard the tell-tale sign of a fist thrashing against your door, frequent ringing of your doorbell accompanying. The barrage of noise startled you into place, and you thought about pretending you weren't even home, but the sounds of a well-known voice shouting through the wood eased your nerves.

“Y/N? Beautiful, it's me, open up!!” Hyunjins strained voice shouted, screaming at the top of his lungs in hopes you would be able to hear him regardless of wherever you were hiding in the house.

Wordlessly, you made your way from your bed to the front door, turning on the front light so he knew you were there.

“Hyunjin, what are you-?”

“I'm gonna kill that fucking ass-hole,” Hyunjin growled through grit teeth the moment you opened the door, cutting you off by placing his hands on either side of your face. He could feel his temper rising as he took in your smudged makeup and red, puffy eyes. Despite his rough tone he held your face so gently that you almost began to cry again. “I swear to you, I didn't know he was going to do this.”

“I know it wasn't your fault Jinnie…” you breathed, attempting to remain collected enough to not give into your heartbreak. It wasn't enough, as soon as you opened your mouth to reassure him another sob tore from you and you were once again lost. Hyunjin didn't bat an eye, wrapping himself around you and holding you so tightly it felt as though he was the only thing even remotely keeping you together.

“I knew it was too good to be true, but I still believed that he might like me. That, maybe, I had a chance. God, I feel so stupid, Hyunjin!” You clung to Hyunjins denim jacket as you wailed shamelessly into the collar, “and… and when I saw his stories, how this girl was glued to him… it's dumb and I know I deserve better, but I still couldn't help but wonder why couldn't that be me? Did he think I wasn't good enough, not hot enough? What am I missing that I'm so undesirable to him?”

“Y/N stop,” Hyunjins hands were once again at your face, drawing your gaze to his. “You're beautiful, you know you are. Just because this guy doesn't see it, that doesn't mean it's not true. Hell, you even just said that you know you deserve better.” he said gently, pressing his forehead to yours. “God I'm so fucking angry,” he muttered more to himself than anything, squeezing his eyes shut. How dare this prick of a “friend” hurt you like this, in the exact same way he did?

“I know… I know I deserve better, I'm not ugly, but it's so hard to feel like I'm pretty, that I'm desirable at all, when guys keep rejecting me.”

“All those guys are idiots.” Hyunjin sighed, “I wish I could show you how desirable you really are,” he said in a whisper, his brows furrowed and eyes squeezing tighter. It hurt him so much to hear you speak like that.

“I love you for wanting that, but… I don't see how you could,” you whimpered, placing your hands over his, your glossy eyes drifting over his pained features. Was it just the harsh shadows from the front light, or did he have a couple of bruises on his face?

“I can think of one way,” Hyunjin said, his voice coming out small, almost shy. This surprised you. You couldn't remember the last time he came off as shy.

“What do you mean, Jinnie?” You asked in an equally soft tone, your curiosity and fear of spooking him out of sharing his idea overtaking the uncertainty of the possible bruises on his face.

Hyunjins eyes open slowly, his gaze unreadable. You didn't know what it was, but something about the intensity of his stare made you flush, rendering you speechless. Eventually, the longer you looked, the better you could see it - the internal war he was having with himself. Whatever his thought was, he was unsure over whether or not to follow through. For Hyunjin, he was unsure if this would help or if it was even something you needed. He was worried that after what happened to him tonight, he was focusing too much over what he needed.

“Are you not going to tell me?” You finally asked, trying to goad him into fussing up, “did you change your mind?”

“No, I just… I don't want to upset you.”

“Sounds like you have something risky in mind.”

“That's putting it lightly,” he chuckled, ghosting his thumb over your cheek. “I don't think we'd be the same after, and that scares me, I don't want you to shut me out, Beautiful.”

“Just do it, Jinnie. I know that regardless of whatever you have in mind, you just want to help. I could never be upset at you for that.”

“Are you sure?” He rasped, snaking one of his arms around your waist. Your pulse thudded at his actions, but after a stiff swallow, you nodded anyway.

“I'm sure Hyunjin, I trust you.”

Hyunjins eyes became hooded as he scanned your face, his lower lip catching between his teeth as he tipped your chin up with the hand that wasn't increasing its grip on your waist. You stopped breathing as Hyunjin ran his thumb over your lower lip, taking in the softness of your skin before delving in for a bite.

You whimpered at the gentle sting as he tugged at your lower lip, eyes screwed shut and hands clutching at his tear stained denim jacket. Before you could even question what was happening, Hyunjins' other arm wrapped around you, pulling your body hard against his as he tilted his head to kiss you properly. Your head spun. All you could focus on was his soft, plush, lips, and warm breath.

A squeal sneaked out of you when Hyunjin licked your lower lip, allowing him to slip between your lips when you gasped in surprise. You put up no fight, allowing him to roam as he pleased. You were so lost in everything about him, his touch, his smell, his taste. It was as if you were caught in a current drifting you further out to sea. Was this why every girl in town wanted a chance just to spend a night with him? Or was he so good because he got around? He was just kissing you, and you could feel your excitement stirring. How did it feel to do more than just kiss him? Wanting to know you released your grip on his jacket, slipping your hands beneath the collar.

Hyunjin shuttered at your cool touch, a stark contrast to the hot skin of his neck. Goosebumps raised as he felt you slip his jacket off of him, and he released your waist to help you along, dropping the fabric by the front door and kicking off his shoes. He was so focused that he let out a small noise of surprise when you slipped your hands under the hem of his shirt, hands resting on his abdomen.

“Y/N,” he murmured against your lips, chuckling when you refused to stop kissing him. Running a hand into your hair, he held on gently as he pulled away, full on grinning when your lips tried to chase after him, “easy there, girl.”

“Why'd you stop?” You softly whined, somewhat out of breath, a pout on your sweet lips.

“I just don't want to keep this up right by the front door, I keep thinking your parents are going to catch us or something,” Hyunjin said light heartedly, his eyes still lingering on your lips. He already wanted to kiss you again.

“Then…” you began, feeling shy at what you were about to suggest, “my room?”

“Your room,” Hyunjin agreed, lifting you from the floor and carrying your giggly self to your bed. Tearing off his flannel and climbing on top of you, he finally took a moment to take in your outfit. His heart sank once he realized this outfit was new, and you looked absolutely stunning in it. How dare your date not come to see how much effort you put in for tonight. Hyunjins hands clenched at your sheets as he told himself that at least you wouldn't have dressed up for nothing. He wouldn't let your efforts tonight go to waste.

“Hyunjin, are you alright?” Hyunjins eyes met yours, and he leaned in to place a kiss to the tip of your nose.

“I'm just nervous, I didn’t think you'd take it this far.”

“I didn't either,” you admitted, suddenly unable to look at him, “but I just… I liked what we were doing, how you were making me feel.” Your cheeks burned, but Hyunjin was right. You deserved to feel beautiful, and you were grateful that it was Hyunjin who was making you feel this way. “Hyunjin… I- I want you to keep going… would you… would you be my first?”

Hyunjins’ breath caught in his throat, and in an instant, he no longer felt like the full of confidence school bad boy. Instead, he was just a boy, a boy with his heart hammering in his chest as he looked down at the girl he secretly loved with the widest eyes imaginable.

“Are- Are you sure?” He whispered, the tremor in his voice matching the one shaking his body.

“Yes,” you breathed, finding the courage to look at him again. “I'm sure.”

With a fervored nod of his head, Hyunjin sat up and hastily fumbled for his wallet in his back pocket, praying that he still had a condom tucked away. With relief, he found one. He couldn't stop shaking.

“I'll stop whenever you tell me to,” Hyunjin said with a mix of excitement and anxiety, placing the condom next to you on the bed, “you call all the shots. I won't do anything you're not comfortable with, okay?”

Unable to speak, you nodded, taking several deep, steadying breaths as Hyunjin returned above you, wasting no time to kiss you sweetly. You did your best to focus on the moment, on the slant of his lips, the smell of his cologne clinging to his undershirt, of his shaky hand that trailed under your shirt to run his hand over your breast which caused your breath to hitch.

“Y/N, are you wearing lingerie?” Hyunjin murmured. Your hands flew to your face to cover your now tomato red face before he could even finish asking his question. Once again, you were only able to nod. With a groan, Hyunjin, unceremoniously and without warning, pushed your shirt up as far as it would go before sitting back on his haunches and tearing your bottoms off of you. Fuck, to think that good-for-nothing almost saw you in this. “I can't tell you how glad I am to be the only one to see you in this,” he said admiringly, pressing kisses to your knees, then down your inner thighs.

Hyunjin paused for a moment, giving you a chance to stop him before he went any further, but when you remained hiding behind your hands he continued to pepper kisses between your thighs as he worked his way down. With a small smirk, Hyunjin traced the little bow that topped the front of your lace panties. You were a present just for him. He felt grateful, getting something just for him.

Wanting to show just how appreciative he was, Hyunjin spread your legs, slotting his head in between them and placing soft kisses to your covered heat. He relished in your shy, needy whimpers as he ran his fingers up and down your clothed slit, pressing more kisses over your clit as the dampness against your panties worsened.

“I'm going to eat you out first before we do this, baby, I want you relaxed and feeling good before I try sliding in,” he instructed as he pulled your panties down your legs with his teeth and slid his finger over your now exposed slit.

You were already a panting mess from this little bit of stimulation, your hands no longer hiding your face but bunched at your chest as you watched him toy with you. You had never seen this side of Hyunjin before and were getting more and more aroused as he focused on your pleasure. You couldn't take your eyes off him, especially as he rested one of your legs over his shoulder, collecting your wetness on his middle finger before easing it between your folds. He pumped the digit in and out a few times, checking if there was any discomfort before easing in another finger. Your eyes fluttered closed at the filling sensation, savoring the delicious drag of his fingers as they slowly pumped in and out of you. Hyunjin took great care in building you up, exploring which spots were your weakest and prodding at them mercilessly until you were shaking beneath him. Right when you thought the sensation couldn't get more intense, Hyunjins' tongue slid over your sensitive clit, causing your hips to buck. Hyunjin grunted but continued licking and swirling his tongue over the bundle of nerves as his fingers continued to expertly press at your gummy walls. Hyunjin was reading you so well and all you could do was grasp at his hair and cry out pathetic moans beneath him.

Before you could even say anything, your orgasm rapidly built before exploding, your creaminess coating Hyunjins’ tongue and fingers. Your body shuttered, and Hyunjin continued to rub you walls as he helped ease you down.

“That's it, baby, you did so good. Just stay relaxed, okay?” Hyunjin cooed, licking you from his lips and fingers and reaching for the condom, “are you ready?”

“I- I think so,” you stammered out, surprised at yourself for managing to speak. Your head felt so cluttered, unable to believe Hyunjin just made you cum. Hyunjin, the guy you've known since you were a kid and who you've been able to platonically share a bed with. You were almost starting to second guess whether or not you should really go through with this, maybe Hyunjin was right about things changing, maybe it would change too much and you'd lose the closeness you had.

You didn't have time to dwell on these hesitant thoughts, Hyunjin unbuttoning his jeans and beginning to slip them down caught your full attention and you could do nothing but watch with bated breath as his stunning cock sprang free. It was too late. You had passed the point of no return, and there was nothing left to do but indulge, to let yourself dive as deep as you could and let yourself drown.

Or maybe that's just how Hyunjin was seeing it. Tonight did not go as he planned, before he deigned to open social media - all the while hiding in a tube slide at a child's park - he had gotten hurt, he was on the run, in overlapping shades of pain, his only solace being that at least you were having a good night with one of his friends. When Hyunjin had seen that the guy had ditched you for a party and some other girl, he couldn't think of a worse end to his night than leaving you to ache alone. So he ran to you, risking himself further with the exposure, but he didn't matter at that moment. He would swallow everything down, just for a chance to lift your spirits, he could deal with his own pain later, he just needed to help you otherwise he didn't think he could last the night.

He truly wasn't thinking of himself when he kissed you, Hyunjin only wanted to do whatever he could to prove to you that you are worthy of being wanted. But when you pulled him close, when you wanted more, Hyunjin realized he needed the same thing - only in a slightly different way.

Tonight had been horrible for you and Hyunjin before he came to you. He was not going to let the sun rise without something good happening for the both of you not realizing that the moment he took your hand in his, both sets of clothes now discarded on your bedroom floor, lips and tongues melting together as his protected head teasing your entrance, that he was giving the both of you the thing you wanted from each other the most.

It hurt, of course, but Hyunjin was gentle. Easing himself in and out in sections, going inch by inch and refusing to push deeper until you were accustomed. He didn't want you to cry. He refused to make you bleed, and when he finally finally bottomed out, you thought you were going to faint from how shallow your breathing was.

“Breath, baby, breath,” he whispered, kissing you tenderly, “I won't move until you breathe.”

“Hyunjin…” you whined, wrapping your arms around his neck and drinking in his gentle attention. “It's okay, you can move, it doesn't hurt,” you reassured. With a few more kisses, Hyunjin rested his forehead for yours before he slowly rolled his hips into yours.

You squeezed your eyes shut, the sensation - while not entirely painful - felt foreign, and you struggled to acclimate quickly, but you refused to let him stop. You knew you just needed to ride this out, that it would get better, and it did. You could feel your body accepting him and soon wanting more.

“Jinnie… more, it's not enough, more,” you mewled, wrapping your legs around his waist in an attempt to draw him closer.

“Okay, Beautiful, I'll take care of you. Just lay back, Jinnie will make you feel good,” Hyunjin murmured, pressing kissing into your neck and picking up his pace, earning himself a few sweet moans.

It was only when all tension left your body that Hyunjin dared to truly let himself enjoy you. Adjusting so he was on his knees, he pulled your legs up, holding each behind your knees as he began to truly fuck himself into you. Hyunjin watched as your sweet, shy moans turned into heated, wanton screams as he plowed into your gummy spot. Never did he think he would see you make such a gorgeous face or hear your pussy make such filthy squelching sounds as his dick slipped in and out of you. For a moment, Hyunjin thought he was dreaming as he watched you drown in bliss below him. If he was, he never wanted to wake up. He wanted to stay right here, in this too-good-to-be-true moment where all the worries from hours ago purged themselves from his mind.

“Hyun… Jin… Jinnie…” you gasped out, feeling the pressure from your building orgasm start to grow.

“Does it feel good, Beautiful? Are you gonna cum?” He asked in ragged breaths.

“Yes… yes, I think I'm close. Oh, please don't stop,” you begged, closing your eyes and throwing your head back onto your pillow. Almost as soon as you finished uttering those words, your body clenched around him as you came for the second time, a creamy ring coating Hyunjins dick.

“Fuck, baby,” Hyunjin groaned, slamming his dick into you more rapidly as he chased his own orgasm.

Feeling his hips beginning to stutter, you forced your tired eyes to open just in time to watch Hyunjins’ beautiful face twist in pleasure as he came, melodic moans bouncing off your walls. You did your best to memorize that face as he came down from his high.

After a moment of catching his breath, Hyunjin eased himself out of you to remove the condom, your body giving a shudder at the lack of his body heat.

“Let's clean up, yeah?” Hyunjin suggested, helping you up from the bed and leading the two of you to the bathroom. The following intimate moments of clean-up felt oddly comfortable and right. Once your post-orgasm bliss had faded, you expected an air of awkwardness to be lingerie around you both, but there never was.

“Hey, can I wear your flanel?”

“What?” Hyunjin asked with a laugh.

“That's what always happens in the movies. The girl wears the guys clothes after sex. I kinda wanna try it.”

“Just for a bit? That's dumb,” he replied but handed you his flannel anyway as he grabbed the rest of his clothes to put back on.

You needed to change out of your lingerie set, so you opted to wear nothing but his flannel, a comfort pair of panties, and some knee-high socks. You wanted to wear his shirt for the bit, so you were going to commit. Besides, he had officially seen too much for you to be shy at this point.

“Was this food meant to be for tonight?” Hyunjins voice called from the kitchen. You didn't notice he had left your room since he didn't bother to shut the door.

“Yeah,” you replied as you joined him in the dimly lit kitchen, missing his double take and blushing at your choice in attire. “I was actually going to come eat it before you showed up. It's meant for two, want some, or have you eaten?”

“I haven't. Go rest, I'll heat this up.” With a smile, you nodded, leaning up to place a peck on his still tinted cheek.

“Thank you for coming tonight, Jinnie. I needed it.”

“Yeah, of course, Beautiful,” he said as you walked into the living room, “I needed it too…” he added, but you were too far to hear.

It didn't take long for the food to be reheated and soon the two of you were nestled on the couch together, sharing a blanket in the dark living room as one of the movies you had picked out for tonight played.

“In a way, I'm kind of glad the jackass never showed up, I got to have this date with you instead,” Hyunjins said rather sincerely. It made your heart flutter.

“I'm glad too. He set you up to come to my rescue and make my night better. Maybe even better than if he had actually shown up.”

“Do you really mean that?” Hyunjin asked, his heart melting as he set down his plate to pull you close and nuzzle you, “awwwww you're too sweet!”

“Alright, alright, that's enough!” You laughed, pushing his face from yours. You had meant the gesture to be light-hearted, but your nerves spiked the instant Hyunjins head shot back in recoil, giving a small hiss of pain. “Oh my god, Hyunjin, are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean-”

“No, no, no, it's ok,” he reassured, his hand hovering over his eye as if he wanted to soothe the skin but feared touching it.

“Are you sure? Let me see,” you attempted to get closer, but Hyunjins long arm held you back.

“I'm fine, Y/N, let's just watch the movie.”

You blinked at him before frowning and attempted to lunge at him again.

“Hyunjin, what are you hiding from me?”

“Nothing!” He said a little too defensively. Not in the mood to play games, you stood from the couch and walked off. Hyunjin assumed this was you pouting but ultimately dropped the matter, how wrong he was.

Stomping to the light switch, you bathed the livingstone in bright light, noticing the completely unsubtle way Hyunjin dove for cover. You weren't letting this slide. Over to the couch, you didn't even attempt to pull away the pillow Hyunjin used to cover his face, instead climbing on top of him and began to tickle his sides. Instantly, his body began to jerk and wiggle, but he was adamant on not letting you see his face. However, he was struggling to handle your body on top of him and soon had no choice but to tip the both of you off the couch in an attempt to ease the ache.

This did not work in his favor. Easily catching yourself, you now stood over him, the small fall making him release his grip on the pillow just enough for you to yank it from his hands.

Your arms paused as you held the pillow mid-air in shock. Your eyes weren't playing tricks earlier. It wasn't just a trick of the light. Blooming across his cheek bone and at the corner of his lips were two bruises, and there was even a small cut near his brow that would easily be covered by his hair, were he not on his back.

“Hyunjin, what happened to you…?” You breathed, dropping the pillow. Slowly dropping to your knees, you sat on Hyunjins hips, keeping him pinned in place so he couldn't escape.

Hyunjin didn't answer. He couldn’t even meet your eyes as your fingers barely ghosted over the discolored skin. Without realizing it, you dropped your hand on his side, only to snap your hand away when he flinched in pain. You sat as still as a statue for a few moments before reaching down and lifting his shirt, showing more discoloration.

You felt horrible. How could you not notice? How could you not see? The instant the thought popped into your head, realization hit you.

“This is why you didn't want to be by the front door… with the light right on you. You didn't worry in my room cause the lights were off, and in the bathroom and kitchen too… There was only dim lighting. It was so I couldn't see.” The look of guilt on Hyunjins face was all you needed to confirm that you were right. He was hiding this from you, but why? What happened to your Hyunjin that he came to you so hurt?

“Please don't cry, beautiful. You've already cried so much tonight.”

“Then tell me what happened,” you said firmly.

Hyunjins lips pressed together, he didn't want to open up, he especially didn't want to ruin the special evening you two were just having together. But he knew you wouldn't let this slide, and if he was honest… someone about the way you were dressed brought him back to the surprising feeling of comfort he felt while being in bed with you.

“... okay,” he eventually relented, gingerly sitting up and bumping noses with you. “But kiss me first.”

“Huh?”

“Just… please.”

He sounded so tired and defeated. Wanting nothing more than to swallow up all his pain, you didn't hesitate again, wrapping your arms around his neck and bushing your lips over his.

Hyunjin kissed you back desperately, wrapping his arms around you and holding on to you. If he didn't, he felt he would fall apart, a stark contrast to the way he held you in your doorway. You didn't realize when his hand had slipped under his flanel until his nails raked over your back, raising goosebumps in their wake as his hands traveled between your bodies.

“Hyunjin,” you called, pulling from his lips. He didn't stop, his lips dropping to your neck the moment you pulled away. “Hyunjin,” you said again, attempting to sound more stern with little success. You were melting under his touch again.

“I just want to feel you against me,” he mumbled against your skin, unbuttoning the flannel and opening it just enough to expose you, but not take it off completely. He then pulled back, once again pulling off his tee before leaning back into you, his arms snaking around you under his shirt and his face buried in the crook of your neck.

You two stayed stationery in that position for a few moments, the only sound coming from your forgotten move. Not knowing what else to do for Hyunjin, at that moment, you slid your fingers into his hair and scratched gently at his skull. Only then did Hyunjin finally relax. He finally felt the same warmth, safety, and intimacy from earlier, making it easier for him to finally explain what happened.

You weren't the only one heartbroken that night. Hyunjin had gotten involved with an older woman. He was really having fun with her. He thought she actually cared about him. She made him feel like somebody. But right when he thought things were going great, that's when everything went wrong.

What was supposed to be a normal night together turned into him finding out she was married in the worst way possibly, with her husband catching them getting hot and heavy together and beating the shit out of Hyunjin for messing around with someone he shouldn't. The guy wouldn't even believe Hyunjin when he said he didn't know the woman was married.

Turns out this woman has a history of luring young, hot guys to her with tons of spoiling and praise, only to then have her way with them until her husband finds out and beats the shit out of the poor boy. Rinse and repeat, right up to Hyunjin. The latest in a line of victims.

Hyunjin managed to get away but never before had he felt so cheap and pathetic, this wasn't the first time a girl slept with him for her own gain but sometimes about this time just made him feel so… worthless. It brought tears to his eyes to admit this, and he clung to you tightly as he cried.

You've never known Hyunjin could cry so hard, and it broke your heart to learn that this happened to him, but you were also proud of him. He said he never intended on telling anyone and that he was just going to hold on to this until the day he died, but he didn't. He told you, he let it out, and even though it broke your heart to see him like this, you wanted him to always talk to someone, even if it wasn't you. You also promised that you would do whatever it took to make him comfortable enough to open up, that while you couldn't fix his problems, you could be his safe place.

“It's funny, but… this is what we're doing right now. It's what I need. This is my safe place,” Hyunjin admitted, his lips tickling your collar bone.

“The skin contact??” By now you and Hyunjin had made your way back to your bed, settling in under the covers, each of you wearing next to nothing so Hyunjin could feel as much of you against him as possible.

“Kinda, just… the intimacy of it all. If I could, I'd be buried inside you again. I want to be as close to you as I can. It makes me feel like I'm not worthless. It makes me feel wanted.”

“Having your dick in someone makes you feel wanted?” You teasingly asked with a giggle.

“No, baby,” Hyunjin replied with a laugh, lifting his head from your chest to fix you with a soft stare. “I only feel like this because it's you. The only girl I've shared years of my life and my darkest secrets. The only girl who trusts me so much she'd ask me to be her first and who loves me enough to sit in and listen to my problems the same night.” You were too stunned to speak, but you were sure Hyunjin could see just how red your face was. “You're my closest and most trusted friend, Y/N. I think sex and stuff like that will only feel this special, this safe and warm, with you.” It was also because Hyunjin was secretly in love with you too, but he decided to keep that part to himself, he wanted to enjoy this moment, this look on your face, for just a little while longer.

“I… I think so too, Hyun. It won't ever mean the same with anyone else,” you said, decidingly also refusing to admit the feelings you've been harboring for Hyunjin.

A sweet smile spread across Hyunjin's face, his eyes curving into crescents. You knew you were essentially digging your own grave, dooming yourself to what you assumed was going to be a mainly physical relationship, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. Not when Hyunjin looked so irresistible and said such endearments, snuggling against you and showering your skin with kisses, leading you two to get lost in each other again until you fell asleep in each other's arms, only for him to cling to you the all throughout the next morning. If you could just have more moments like this with him, it would all be worth it. Anything to be the safe space for the boy you were so desperately in love with.

○●☆♡☆●○

“So that's it, that's how you and Hyunjin became, well, you and Hyunjin. You were in love with him, and you were his security blanket.”

“I mean, kinda,” you replied, polishing off the last of your water bottle and opening another. “Sex with me, at least at the beginning, meant so much to him because I was someone who really cared about him. He never had to doubt if I was doing things with him for clout or for some sick kick. That gave him a sense of safety, and it gave him space to open up. And I was only too eager to please cause not only was I completely in love with him, but he did mean so much to me beyond that. He was a friend who put everything aside, even his own issues, to look out for me.”

“Which is why you feel bad you can't be as close to him as you used to be and why when he keeps things to himself, it bothers you so much.”

“Exactly.” Heaving a deep sigh, you rummaged through your pile of trash to hopefully find an unopened piece of candy. Meanwhile, Felix sat silently next to you, feeling sympathetic to your situation.

“I take it you and Changbin haven't talked about any of this?” Felix asked tentatively, making you pause your search.

“... No, I'm not even sure if it's worth bringing up,” you admitted, laying back against Felix's mattress and watching his ceiling fan turn. “It was such a big part of my life, but it's over now. I made my choice, and I chose myself. I'm finally with someone who's as much mine as I am theirs. I don't want to throw a wrench into things by telling him about something that ended before we even got together.”

“So you have no regrets then?”

“None. I'm happy with Changbin, even if I don't get to see him as often as I like.”

Just then, the sound of Chan's door opening and closing caught yours and Felix's attention. It was the first time you've heard any noise coming from him since you even got to the boys' shared apartment, and upon checking the time, you noticed that it was already 11 in the evening.

“Hey, how often do you get to see Bin?” Felix asked.

“Barely… I see him just slightly more often than I see my own roommate.”

“I hardly see my roommate anymore either,” Felix said, a deep sense of dread building in him. “How… How long has it been since you and Bin started dating?” You swallowed hard at his question, choosing instead to focus on the sound of Chan rustling through the kitchen before returning to his room. You knew where Felix was going with this.

“It's only been a little over a month.”

A tense silence settled between the two of you, neither one of you daring to say it. But you knew what he was thinking. You could feel the worry radiating off of Felix's slender body, seeping into your bones. You had essentially severed your deepest and longest lasting relationship to be with Changbin, and now, due to one stroke of chance you barely get to see him and can't even turn to the person from your second longest lasting relationship for aid.

What's going to happen to your freshly established relationship if this demand for 3racha keeps going? How will you survive not being able to see, not only your boyfriend, but one of your best friends who championed your budding connection to said boyfriend? Especially when the only deep connection you had left was someone you were desperately attempting to put space around?

These worries troubled you. Long after Felix's attempts to sedate them, long after you bid him good night and drove yourself home, and long after, you readied yourself inside your all too silent apartment and clambered into bed. You had been so happy for 3racha, so determined to support them, but now all that lingered over head was the fact that in one fleeting moment you realized you no longer had the steady foundation built by the three most precious people in your life.

---------------------------------------

Well... this chapter certainly ended up taking on a life of its own, and as I mentioned in this post, it ended up coming to mean a bit more to me than the other chapters.

Anyway, I had intended on this to be a bonus chapter, but I thought it flowed better as part of the main story. I'm getting better at placing the back stories/flashbacks.

If you go back to the first couple of chapters, you can see I was formatting the story differently. I was struggling with the build-up of the story and then found my stride in later chapters. If I allow myself to be a bit delulu for a moment, if i ever get my E. L. James or Anna Todd moment, I'd definitely go back and re-write those beginning segments.

Taglist: @groovygroovyhyunjin @hhwangsmoon @luvyblossom @doggezz@kayleefriedchicken @hyunjinhoexxx

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merrilldidnothingwrong · 1 year

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So, with that Varric post circling, I’m gonna share some of my own thoughts on him. Yes, he will use people in his stories. But how those people are treated in his stories is based entirely on what he thinks of them and how much he likes them. He likes Hawke, he considers them a friend. So he’s going to give Hawke a good showing in his tales. He likes mocking and taunting Aveline, so he’s going to use her and her guards as part of his books. He knows that she’ll snarl about it, but won’t actually do anything to him for it. It’s why he’s more hesitant with Vivienne: he knows that if he pisses her off, she will do something about it.

And it’s why he treats Anders and Solas so badly, and outright attempts to write Sebastian out of the story entirely.

Varric likes adventures. He likes them because they mean wealth and great stories and funf fights and daring escapades. But he doesn’t like things changing. He wants to always be able to go back to his room at the Hanged Man, sit down with a drink, and spin a tale from his latest adventure. He doesn’t want that life to change, and he doesn’t want to examine things getting bad. He wants to be able to observe exciting events, but he doesn’t want to be involved in them.

Sebastian as a character never leaves the question of morality alone. He’s always poking at it, always pushing it. Sometimes Sebastian’s morals are wrong, sometimes they’re right. But he’s always pushing it. And that push angers Varric because he doesn’t want to admit that things are fucked, because if he did, he would have to hold himself to his standards of being a Good Person and do something about it. And he doesn’t want to.

It’s why he starts out liking Anders, but slowly grows to dislike him more and more: Anders pushes harder and harder for mage rights. Varric’s view of the mage rebellion is more negative than the qunari invasion both because it requires him to acknowledge his biases and address his morals, and because it uproots him from the life he’s happy in.

Varric wants to be able to boil everything down into stories. Specifically, stories that are straightforward, where heroes are heroic and villains are evil, but where none of it truly has any greater meaning. He wants to ignore systemic problems because those mean things changing, they mean that he can’t just sit down for drinks with a templar and a guard over some cards. - Mod Alistair

#dragon age #da2 #varric critical

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riverstixxelf · 1 month

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I love the SPN fandom but honestly it’s so stressful sometimes 😭

For example earlier today I googled “Misha Collins girlfriend” because I heard a rumor that he has a girlfriend, I couldn’t find much besides stuff talking about Vicky so I scrolled down and saw a tumblr post saying something about Misha being attracted to men (which I don’t necessarily disagree with, but I don’t want to tell another person what they are) and women so I clicked on it and it was a huge post (like, a couple paragraphs) talking about some strange things. I don’t remember exactly but at one point the user brought up the “fact” that Misha makes jokes about women and sex?? As in making jokes at the expense of women… and I was like… are we talking about the same Misha here? He DOES make jokes about sex but I don’t recall him ever making jokes at the expense of women. Only thing I can think of is that one story about one of his earlier acting jobs and he didn’t know the “no tongue rule” but that was mostly at the expense of himself. Then I scrolled and found another post that was pretty disturbing…

Someone had screenshotted a regular instagram caption that Jensen posted just talking about how he just got done traveling, he wanted to take a nap, something like that—nothing sexual about the post at all or anything that would suggest that—and someone captioned it with something talking about him and Misha rubbing their [babymakers] together??? I audibly laughed out loud because wtf 😭😭

I don’t want to shame Jenmish shippers (I say Jenmish because Cockles is just a… very interesting name), even though I think it’s the slightest bit strange to be shipping real people… but again I never want to put anyone down for anything because I myself have said some stuff about Jensen and Misha that might suggest something between them.

Another thing is just the amount of hate for various cast members. Mostly the hate I see is for Jared and Misha; J2 fans who hate Misha, Jenmish fans who hate Jared, etc. There’s a lot of love in this fandom but ohmygOD there’s so much hate too. I guess that’s true for any fandom, but it’s so tiring sometimes.

Also, in this fandom, you’ll get hounded for any opinion you have. If you don’t like destiel, you’re homophobic. If you do like destiel, you’re also homophobic for some reason because queer bating or whatever… for the record i’d like to state that I am a proud destiel shipper just fyi. But I see so many people take it to the extreme, make little things into big things or something along those lines. Same thing with cockles shippers I was talking about earlier. I feel like I have a pretty neutral viewpoint on stuff regarding destiel; I see most things how they are, and I make my assumptions based on CANON things. I don’t say “Dean and Cas are definitely fucking”, I say “Dean and Cas love eachother but they cant express it, because Cas wasn’t even sure what love was and Dean’s highest ideal of love is family, which is why he says Cas is like a brother to him”. Now, if you don’t agree with me, guess what… that’s okay! If you don’t think destiel exists, that’s a valid point, and i’m not gonna dox you just because you have a different opinion than me. Because that’s just it, it’s an OPINION.

I could get into Sam haters and Dean haters and stuff… but I’m tired. Actually, you know what, screw it. I WILL GET INTO IT!!!

I’ve had a few experiences with Dean haters especially, and most of the time they just ADORE Sam and thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Let me clarify that I don’t hate Sam- like- at all. Then again, Dean haters who happen to be Sam stans have warped my view on Sam a little, but I won’t let that get in my way of honest judgment.

Sam. has. done. bad. stuff. DEAN. has. done. bad. stuff. Please don’t compare their trauma, they both have their own issues, one isn’t better than the other.

I might be biased because I relate to Dean so much (like a crazy amount it’s not even funny…), but for the millionth time in a row I DO NOT HATE SAM. I saw someone saying how Dean was the cause of almost every single world-ending event that happened in SPN… like honey no. Another person replied to their comment listing all of the world-ending events… and guess what… Sam was the cause of most of them!! Does that make him a hate-worthy character? No!!

I don’t know what point i’m trying to make here. I just think there’s so much in-fighting within the SPN fandom and as much as I love being in the fandom sometimes you just gotta have a break from all the drama. If you made it this far… go outside or something don’t pay attention to me i’m chronically online.

#supernatural #destiel #jenmish #deancas #spn #discussion #idk how to tag this

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deramin2 · 9 months

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Too many people in this fandom put Orym on a pedestal as "the good one" or "the stable one." Even though that's not the story that Liam's been telling. Then other people project their own baggage on that.

Some people seem to equate being stoic and quiet with repressed feelings. He actually shares his feelings quite a lot and has no issue articulating them when he wants to. He just doesn't always want to process them with other people immediately. You know, like a normal person.

The other party members view him as a rock so fandom projects that he must want to be that and put all his self worth into being that. When he's shown over and over that while he likes being a shield protecting people, he wants to be side by side with others doing that and doesn't think he can be relied on all on his own. He feels he failed to defend Will and Derrig. He'd like to do better himself, but he's also repeatedly expressed that he needs the support of a team working together to do that. Military combat is about the entire unit working together to cover each other and do things no individual can alone. Getting better is all of them being more cohesive and filling in each other's weaknesses, not taking them all on himself until it crushes him.

Orym himself has never claimed to have better moral judgement than the rest of Bell's Hells. He has in fact been uncomfortable when they've suggested that. He likes getting into mischief, too. He doesn't like unnecessary conflict with authority figures, and prefers to be on the level, but he's also well aware that's not always possible and some things you have to handle privately and illegally. He's just careful about which those are. One of the first things they did in ExU was take a job from a criminal.

He's firm in his sense of what's right and wrong, but he's not rigid or inflexible. And he's never once claimed to be neutral as they've uncovered what the Ruby Vanguard is doing. As a victim he cannot and SHOULD NOT be neutral. And personally I think we should listen to victims about how individuals, groups, and institutions have harmed them. Ignoring the experiences of victims is not neutral or objective, it's siding with the abuser to protect their power.

The actual show has done a tremendously good job in depicting the inherent conflict between someone who was substantially harmed (Orym), and someone (Imogen) who has personal and biased reasons for wanting to believe a person who committed that harm (Liliana) can't be that bad deep down. Imogen wants Liliana's intentions to be good and Orym is right to point out that intentions never negate the harm being done. (And also Liliana's intentions are only good if you believe a narrow subset of things to be true that largely ignores reality and might be based on being manipulated by a predatory power. She is in a doomsday cult.)

Imogen has longed for her mother her whole life and dreamed of a reunion where they run through a field of flowers and embrace and then all is well and all is forgiven and they can suddenly have a wonderful relationship. After everything they've learned, her mother has to be a total victim not in control of her actions for this to work. But more and more evidence is that she is in control and this is what she wants and she will murder any innocent person she needs to to get it. That isn't what Imogen wants to hear so she's been in denial of it. Which Orym is right to point out is making excuses for that harm.

Imogen can do what she needs to and thinks is right, but Orym's firm that his plan is to stop them because what they're doing in the name of their ideology is evil. It's not even a matter of if that ideology is good in a vacuum. In the real world they're doing monstrous things to enact it and that is not okay. If your ideology is that puppies should get smoochies and little nose boops, but you're murdering innocent people to enforce that, you need to be stopped, even by people who think giving puppies smoochies is generally a good thing. That's how's you can get people like Ashton and Deni$e who are generally in camp "fuck the gods, they do jack shit for us" but are also firmly in camp "stop Ludinus." As Orym said, if there's a power vacuum, Ludinus cannot be the person to fill it.

Orym had never claimed to be infallible (quite the opposite), but there are definitely people with blorbo vision who think their little meow meow can do no wrong. And counter to them are the people who hate seeing Orym be put on a pedestal and are reacting by trying to pull him off of it and smash him on the ground. And who are using mental health speak to act like he's the real abuser for acting from his convictions in ways that aren't perfect. The line of thinking seems to go: Orym clearly isn't totally good or totally stable so if people have that impression it's because he's deliberately misleading them and manipulating them to get his way. Instead of just being a normally flawed guy people are projecting things onto, who has motivations, doesn't act with perfect clarity in every decision in every moment, and had conflicting needs and opinions with others.

Clearly that nod means he wants Delilah back for the power at any cost to Laudna and is manipulating her to get it and that makes him no different from Ludinus. Add opposed to saying he'll back up whatever Laudna wants to do herself including tapping into the power she had been actively using for 9 minutes prior, and that if she didn't kill Bor'Dor he would. But I guess that sounds too much like normal yes-and decision making in a split second in D&D and not like a meticulously plotted villain arc. Because if people you trusted to be the moral compass turn out to be just as flawed and fucked up as all of their friends, that's a massive and deliberate betrayal of trust, not just proof they're actually just mortal and fallible like everyone else.

Good people, after all, never get angry until it becomes unproductive and negatively shapes their actions. They were secretly evil the whole time and now the mask has come off revealing the truth. And other such things people who have never unpacked black and white fundamentalist thinking say without any apparent inclination of how that also reflects on them or how it will come for them because good people by that definition do not exist and everyone's a sinner waiting for their turn at being punished.

(Also interesting that when Fjord the man made a pact with a betrayer god for power after eschewing Uk'otoa's power with help before, it wasn't the Might Nein manipulating him into it. He was allowed to have agency over his decision and it was a second team effort to get back out of it again. Relapsing got to be a crooked path to character growth, not powerless victimhood like is being ascribed to Laudna the woman.)

Orym is a flawed guy trying his best to do good in an impossible situation that's making him feel smaller and more powerless than he ever has before. He doesn't always have the right answer and Bell's Hells putting too much trust in him is just as much a reflection of them as him. Nothing is simple right now and nothing has easy answers. None of this is black and white and purely theoretical ideology is not functional when it runs into real (fantasy) world actions. If you can't approach what's happening with nuance and understand that EVERYONE is a little right and a little wrong and they're just doing the best imperfect work they can, then you're not going to understand what's going on and make weird accusations.

This isn't a morality play. There aren't clear sides or clear right and wrong. There are characters with their own motivations working together and sometimes those motivations conflict. This is the party that fought Ira for caging a werewolf and forcing him to make new werewolves while he was working for Ludinus. And then WORKED with Ira multiple times because he wanted to fuck with his now former employer and that was good enough alignment. Chetney is being bounty hunted currently for assaulting a shop keeper at home for charging too much. Multiple party members have tried to murder the party. These aren't the days of solidly heroic fantasy Vox Machina. Seems like people are just disappointed enough to throw tantrums that Orym is exactly like all of his closest friends.

#critical role #critical role campaign 3 #critical role discourse #orym critical role #orym of the air ashari #people say they support people with mental illness and trauma until those people actually act from it #and then they're just a bad cruel person because they didn't express themselves perfectly #didn't have perfect judgement #didn't put everyone else's needs or trauma ahead of their own in crisis #and then they're just a bad person who can't be trusted #i see all of you mother fuckers

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fwckriley · 4 months

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QUICK CHAT ABOUT COD CHARACTERS AND THEIR MBTI TYPES PT 1.

Hi!!! So, I was just scrolling through Tumblr late at night and I saw some headcanons, where the creator mentioned Ghost's MBTI. It reminded me that I had a word file saved, discussing about the characters and their MBTI. But, I haven't finished it, so I'll just ramble some of my thoughts here instead.

I want to begin with Ghost. Seriously, I genuinely want to understand why people type him as an INTJ, the guy is not a Ni dom at all. And also, let’s just exclude here any chance of him being an INTP. But, I do see Ti and Ni in his functions. In my opinion, he is an ISTP 5w6. For those unfamiliar, ISTPs have Ti (dominant), Se (auxiliary), Ni (tertiary), and Fe (inferior) in their functions.

I'll be honest, this inferior Fe makes me doubt a bit because Ghost seems much more like a Fi user. However, considering that Fe is inferior and theoretically his weakest function, it makes sense. And, to me, what makes ISTP the most obvious choice is that this man really isn't a Ni dom or a Ne aux type. But like I said, I do see some Ni in him, but very weak, which excludes the possibility of him being a Ni dom, and adds the possibility of him being a Ti dom. But, he has zero Ne, so he can’t be an INTP. Just to clear things up, I don't think analysts can't be impulsive or that sensors are dumb, not at all. But they do have some tendencies, and you can see differences in how they deal/view the world.

So, let me give an example of a character who's an analyst: Laswell. She's the embodiment of an INTJ. Price and Ghost deviate so much from her. Both of them should have both Ni auxiliary and Ni dominant, respectively. The way both of them deals with Shepherd and Graves betrayal makes it very clear how they aren't intuitive types for me. They’re incapable of seeing the other side of the situation. And I know it might sound like a crappy argument, but speaking as a Ne aux, I always open myself to possibilities even if I DISAGREE, especially if I can benefit from it. You know who else does that? Laswell. A Ni dom. It's very clear her Ni/Te, and that's why compared to Ghost, I don't understand why people type him as an INTJ. Personally, I think Ti and Ni can be easily mistaken. And for me, Ghost's Ti is pretty obvious, the way he is practical, and how he analyzes things, and his Se aux helps him to be very aware of his surroundings (of course, there are more than that in Se aux). But to me? there's nothing more Ti/Se than that. I'll just drop here two brief descriptions of Ti/Ni dom that make me pretty sure Ghost isn’t a Ni dom.

"Introverted Intuition seeks underlying patterns that can predict how events will unfold in the long term. The primary goal is to understand cause and effect accurately, enabling confidence in problem-solving and avoiding causing issues. Individuals with this dominant function tend to be 'perceptive,' often capable of 'seeing through' situations by finding the 'real importance' or 'essence' or 'root' or 'meaning' of things and understanding the fundamental factors that will influence how situations unfold, connecting past, present, and future considerations in non-linear ways. They unconsciously seek vaguely familiar patterns of contextual variables and tend to gather multiple perspectives to synthesize and visualize 'the true truth' or a better version of life. In this way, they tend to be quite certain about how they want their lives to unfold, usually aspirational in pursuing meaningful goals with focus and determination as they seek to realize their personal potential."

"Introverted Thinking seeks to discover rules or direct formulas based on facts to guide thinking and behavior towards greater consistency and coherence. People with this dominant function tend to be highly analytical, preferring to adopt positions/judgments that are as free from biases or undue influences as possible. They often enjoy building skills and accumulating technical knowledge by systematically analyzing and deconstructing ideas/situations, preventing and solving problems, and manipulating systems to fix or enhance them. In this way, they can be dispassionate and self-sufficient in approaching situations with their refined knowledge, often admired for their calm and competent approach to solve problems. However, they may also become emotionally detached from situations due to the excision of the human perspective, incorrectly assuming it is irrelevant to their analyses. When people don't know how to use Ti properly, they tend to be overly reductionist, seeing only a simple cause for a complex situation and unable to recognize the gaps/flaws in their own reasoning process, especially when trying to understand issues in relationships and social contexts."

“The reason the two get confused so often is because, one: they are both introverted functions which makes them hard to see and distinguish, and two: they are both abstract. Ni collects and stores abstract information, while Ti makes abstract connections and conclusions.”

“Ni is a 'perceiving' funtion, which is different from Ti because it does not do the 'judging' which is Ti's role. Ni in simple words is seeing and thinking about things very deeply to find connections and therefore form certain hunches or predictions. Many Ni dominants may have a conclusion which they got to, but they don't know how to explain the way they got to it. Ni uses more subconscious thinking than Ti does. Ti on the other hand analyses even more than Ni does, and sorts certain ideas, sort of like Pros and Cons, it is usually what can be the deciding factor.”

*Quick reminder: Ghost never anticipated Graves' betrayal, and didn't give any reasons that he suspected of Graves before that. He seems unfazed when the betrayal occurs, but that's because it's not something new to him.

So, while I can argue that his lack of Fe may simply be because it is an inferior function, hence less dominant and developed function (though I think he showed a lot of Fe during the whole Mexico situation) it’s hard to argue his lack of Ni because it's a DOMINANT function. And when we talk about dominant function, when is undeveloped, it doesn't indicate a lack of, but rather an unhealthy mode of acting/thinking/coping.

So, about Price... I think he's an ESTP. Stereotypically, he's not the typical ESTP. Unlike Ghost, who has a weak/undeveloped inferior Fe, I think Price has his inferior Ni very well developed, and that's why I think the fact that he is an ESTP is not so noticeable. Just as I compared Ghost to a character who shared the same MBTI type that was attributed to him, I will now compare Price to Makarov. In my opinion, Makarov in this game is a good example of an ENTJ. If you compare the characters and the way they behave, you’ll see that Price has a liiittle more difficulty seeing beyond the obvious, and for me, if he had Ni aux as many point out, he would have anticipated many of Makarov's actions. And I go further, I also believe he would never have let Makarov live back in 2019, recognizing the threat that Makarov was, if he were and ENTJ. Because ENTJs tend to thinking ahead, if they have a problem they’ll think in a way to solve pragmatically, effectively and definitively for once and all. Also, Price is highly reluctant to work with Shepherd, showing a lack of Te/Ni, working with his enemies to achieve his goals is not his first thought (but it’s Laswell “first” thought, a Ni dom). It's not about trust, but personal/team/world gain. Again, he’s incapable of seeing the big picture. And, of course, he has a significant amount of Fe, the way he is a great leader, communicates effectively with people around him, and bond with his team proves that.

I think all the quotes I put up above really show how neither Price nor Ghost use Ni in their first two stacks. But both of them use Ti. There's this stereotype that sensors aren't that smart, so when you've got two characters who should be the best of the soldiers, really smart and skilled, people tend link them with the “best MBTI types” and type them as Ni users (completely bullshit, they just do this because they don’t know how functions work). And again, when you compared them with two Ni users (Laswell and Makarov) you can see how different they are.

I'm gonna do a part two and post it later because I wanna talk about Gaz and Soap too (and some other characters, but the two of them are my main goal now), but I think this one ended up slightly longer than I planned.

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purpleangelsele · 1 year

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Since there’s a post using very tired arguments I’ll just talk about it.

From what I say onwards is my opinion and anyone can disagree, this is just my observations and opinions on what actually happened in the show.

Side note: If your post is clearly anti mileven, do better in censoring and tagging your shit because it still shows up in the tag.

Okay? Moving on…

——-

Okay so let’s start with this section.

So there’s this problem that B*lers have with not stating it’s their opinion first and foremost. Because they state that El “clearly” didn’t believe Mike when he said I love you…but where’s the exact confirmation? That sentence alone is an opinion that is not based on facts or even context. And apparently Mike idealizes El?

The same Mike that was worried she was draining herself way too much for everyone else, the one from the very beginning that said “she’s not a dog.”, the one that said “no, you’re not a monster, you saved me. You saved me.” But he’s idealizing her? He clearly states that he loves her with or without her powers. That is factual and from the show.

El doesn’t believe she is a superhero anymore because of the way she views herself. It is why she pulls away from Mike because she would hurt more if Mike saw her as monster, but Mike never saw her a monster just who she was. Personally, I think her powers make her a selfless superhero at times, she is always saving everyone and the world from danger.

So about the argument scene. El crying in front of Mike is not just because their relationship, it’s everything that happened yesterday, with hopper being gone, Angela showing up and humiliated her, and she hit back. but because she let her anger get the best of her, she’s feeling like a monster because of it. Her flashbacks to kids dead covered in blood with Brenner asking what she’s done, triggers her downward spiral internally. Which makes it harder for her to see clearly how Mike doesn’t view her as a monster.

If someone was sobbing in front of me, begging me to say I love you to them, I would be shocked and not immediately say I love you because then it wouldn’t seem genuine. Also her emotions are fully controlling her so hearing I love you wouldn’t have made anything better. She could have just said it was a lie or think he’s lying because she’s not in the right headspace to accept those words in that moment. That’s what I think. Obviously I have no idea what is going on in their minds but I can guess.

Mike was dealing with deep self-esteem issues and considering he’s been bullied his whole life, he thought he might not be needed anymore, because she didn’t tell him about her situation and he doesn’t know if he’s a good boyfriend for not even noticing her going through it. But he only had letters and he believed what she said in them. Both of them are not to blame, they are two teenagers still navigating this crazy world they live in where the upside down resides.

I believe that, Mike cares and loves El in a romantic sense because both of them felt like outcasts but understood each other when no one else would. Yes they have shared trauma but their relationship is far deeper and has a foundation set by a literal ride or die friendship.

Alsooo, remember when I said some annoying B*lers thought it would be hilarious if we thought Mike meant what he said?

Yeahhh. That’s exactly what I was talking about. Proving my point once again.

I personally don’t see how Mileven was a mess. Maybe I’m too biased but I’m pretty sure they’re the healthiest couple on the show. Even when they were broken up (briefly), they never stopped being considerate of the other and being there for the other person. Mike said “it’s a fight you cannot come back from.” And that makes me think.. wow that’s such a teenage thing to say, because any argument when you’re in relationship feels final but it wasn’t, because I think El still loves him and is willing to work things out with him, but it’s going to take some time. It doesn’t mean they’re a mess, they just have way too much to deal with, aside from their relationship. Like Hawkins falling apart, and Vecna still alive but hurt. Call it wishful thinking but I’m not worried about their relationship.

Now, this same old opinion that has been circling since season 4 “ El was distant from Mike after the Speech.” Again considering what happened in the show, it’s understandable that El isn’t in the speaking mood. She just found out Max was in a coma and couldn’t find her anywhere in her mind. That can mess with her mental state especially because El feels like she failed Max.

But don’t forget that she wasn’t denying physical touch and closeness with Mike during the hospital scene with Max. They stood side by side and she was wearing what I assume is a hoodie of Mike’s. And automatically she leans against his shoulder while he rubs her shoulder briefly. That does not signal to me that she’s planning to breakup with him because she can still think about taking down Vecna but want the relationship with Mike in tact.

El being independent has been the whole show. She’s been alone since her birth, considering she was builled by other kids and escaped by herself and only had herself to rely on until she met Benny, and then the party. She gets separated from the party at the end of season 1, she stays in the woods by herself for about a month I think. Then Hopper takes her in but she’s still so isolated and alone because she can’t interact with her friends in fear of Brenner finding her. And then In Season three she gets to spend more time with Max and got to know her better. In season 4, she’s separated from Mike in handcuffs, and then by Dr.Owens taking her to Nina. She spends majority of the season alone because she was learning more about herself and getting back her abilities in the process. When they finally reunite it feels amazing and both of them are just elated to see eachother alive.

El can be independent and still be the one to save everyone because Mike is not the one with powers here, she can take care of herself and she’s shown that time and time again.

Mike Wheeler is more than El’s boyfriend. He is the leader of the party, the one that comes up with plans and follows through. He’s also the one that comes up with plans that help El or like season 4, find her location. He is dealing with untreated trauma, watching El “die” in front of him, talking to his Walkie-Talkie and feeling her there but feeling crazy for thinking that. His family situation(enough said). The way school has affected him in terms of the cliques and the bullies. Then there’s the Upside down and the constant fear that he’ll lose the person he loves to Vecna. He’s so much more than her boyfriend, he is a fully-fleshed out character that deserves more respect and honestly, I hope to see him grow more in season 5.

Is there any confirmation that they are miserable with eachother? No? Then don’t say it as a common fact. El deserves to be loved unconditionally and Mike does love her unconditionally, that’s why he takes their conversations more seriously, that’s why he’s different than his dad, he actually thinks on what he said and how it affected El. And he works on himself to be better and more open about his feelings especially with El. And Mike did say I love you to someone, El.

In the show, he said I love you. Personally, I think that type of post is dismissing the complexity of their relationship and is only scratching the surface of it. Also love the cherry pickiness of scenes that are twisted in such a negative way that I never would have thought upon viewing it the first time.

At the end of the day this is my perspective. I’m not posting this to change anyone’s minds. I just want people to read this and at least understand why I think this way. Instead of being sheep, develop your own opinions about the ships in context of the show and if you don’t then that’s okay, Fanon is cool too. It’s only problematic when Fanon is treated as Canon facts.

That’s all. Thank you for reading the whole post!!

-Sel💜

#mileven #mike wheeler #el hopper #mike x el #stranger things #anti byler #my post #my thoughts #selwrites

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

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We couldn't just be happy that Haegeum, after all the struggles, debuted at 58 on hot 100. Can we?

Yoongi biased Ot7s tweeting "did that without collabs, remixes, multiple versions….." "Agustd paves the way"…

Who are they shading? Jimin for releasing multiple versions? JK for collabing with western artists?

This whole ot7 is a myth.

How are you shading multiple versions/remixes when the most successful Bts song, Dynamite, that charted for 32 weeks inside hot100 had 11 versions/remixes. One A side and one B side mvs. Had vinyl, cassettes and Cds.

And western collabs are a drag? We have Boy with Luv and MU right there being successful.

My Astronaut didn't have remixes or multiple versions either and it debuted at 51. So Yoongi biased armys, humble down already.

And the person they are shading the most, Jm. SMF p2 with no CDs, remixes and multiple versions debuted at 30 on bb100. If SMF P2 had CDs like Haeguem and The Astronaut, it would have debuted inside top10 for sure. People need to stop being bitter about Like Crazy.

This is what leads to more division in the fandom.

Yoongi is not my bias, I am not into his music. But I bought and streamed for him. We wanted that hot100 debut so bad for him. These kind of talks are so disappointing.

***

You probably typed this out thinking it's a very normal and sensible thing to say lmao, but all it shows is that you're getting sucked in.

Listen, I understand you feel very passionately about the member you love, and I understand in fandom spaces this can be hard to put into practice, but, just... try to be normal. The fandom isn't filled with people who hate Jimin, he would not have gotten any of his chart accomplishments if that were true, defaulting to thinking a common mindless comment made for many achievements is targeted shade at Jimin is more a reflection of how you think OT7 Yoongi-biased ARMYs view Jimin, it's more a reflection of the siloed environment you're in where you see JM constantly targeted, than based on anything that's actually happening in the wider fandom.

One thing that amuses me about all this, is that people who act like this don't seem to realize they're creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. That they're directly creating the environment they claim they're fighting against. It's the same mentality with shooters, solo stans, and mantis. This isn't to say there couldn't be Yoongi-biased people saying that to shade Jimin, I'm certain his solo stans and the akgaes of other members could say that to target Jimin, but by defaulting to thinking it is targeted shade at Jimin by OT7 ARMYs (when it of course could apply to other groups/people besides Jimin), you're heightening suspicion on regular ARMYs, who to counter that will become ultra defensive and level that suspicion back on Jimin-biased ARMYs, and you're doing all that while needlessly victimizing your bias. You've apparently identified "what leads to more division in the fandom", without realizing that you're inadvertently contributing to that division with all the above.

Lol.

This is how y'all create the circus that is fandom.

One more thing.

You know, when I say I don't particularly care about charts, I actually mean it. Like, I understand how the charts work, I know what they imply for BTS and I stream, donate, buy so other fans can access their music and to better support fandom efforts, but arguments over chart placements between the members, and how xyz did this at abc, etc, whatever all of that is, I genuinely do not give a fuck.

I couldn't tell you where Joon, Hobi, etc debuted on the charts unless I go back to check it, and in about a month I'd probably have forgotten where Yoongi charted. Jimin's #1 will remain top of mind simply because of how rare and monumental it is, but I've forgotten everything else. I read all of what you wrote Anon, and it amuses me that I'm reading this in the same fandom space that until June 2022, prided itself on not caring about charts like those 'crazy chart-obsessed Twitter ARMYs'. Lol. BTS solo era started and suddenly the shippers, who often operate more like solo stans of the people they ship, suddenly care about donating, streaming, buying, chart accomplishments, etc, than they did a mere 6 months ago.

Lol.

Anon, I've got a few more asks like yours in my inbox (I posted yours because you seem actually coherent). All the asks are people getting up in arms about this or that person saying this/that about Yoonmin's solo debut, promotions, chart placements etc. You and the rest who are talking like this might not realize it now, but you're getting sucked in. There's only one thing you sound like, and only one place you're going to end up with that line of thinking. It's easily one of the most predictable pipelines in fandom. You can call yourself whatever you like, but take it from someone who has been here long enough, keep going on like that and you're only going to end up in one place.

And like I've said before, I have no qualms letting dead weight fall off.

Goodluck to you.

#That fandom implosion is guaranteed to happen at this point lmaooo #we've got too many volatile and easily manipulated reagents in this chemical solution #yoonmin #jimin #park jimin #yoongi #min yoongi #bts #bts army #fandom behaviour #bts fandom

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 11 months

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I’ve been thinking a lot about how sensitive tae / jk / tkkrs are. Like the thing you said about JK solos thinking the company and army are against him. Like if jimin had the fan base numbers and company support they had I would be thrilled and simply keep my mouth shut.

It’s especially interesting that they drag jimin so much when he poses no real threat (numbers wise) to them. Tae literally has 10 MILLION more followers than jimin on IG. And JK probably would too if he was still on IG.

What i keep coming back to is that can’t fathom jimin having the large amount of success than he has (even if it’s less than tae/jk) when he doesn’t have the traditional qualities that tae and jk have that make them the most biased. Like tae’s perfect face or JK’s boyish charm / masculinity / both of them being conventionally attractive overall, along with JK’s natural talent and Tae’s “confidence”. Jimin has all this success without those things. And I feel like that’s what bugs them and threatens them. Idk just thinking/rambling!

Here's the thing about Instagram followers... I've written about this before but I can't seem to find that post, so I guess I'll have to do another post (this one) about it.

Instagram followers are not a measure of talent or success. They never were, and never will be. I can only think of like Messi and Ronaldo who have 600 million followers as people who their instagram followers are *sort of* a reflection of how well known they are.

Armys live in a bubble; taekookers, Taehyung and JK stans live in an even smaller bubble, tho this could be true for every solo out there. They think BTS (or their particular bias) is the center of the universe, and they forget that there actually are other celebrities and musicians in the planet. They forget too that not everything that looks like success, is actually success.

Harry Styles doesn't get half the likes any BTS member gets. Harry has had several billboard 100 singles, many of them were #1 and As It Was is still charting. Yet he has even less followers than Jimin, I think. Harry has been touring non-stop for more than a year, now. You'd think he wouldn't have fans to attend his shows when you look at his posts with 1 - 2 million likes. He sold 500k albums the first week on the US. BTS sell ~200K. Beyonce gets less likes than any BTS member, too. Yet she's on a sold out stadium tour around the world right now. Coldplay has less than 20 million followers yet they've been active as a group since 1996, and they also are on a stadium tour right now. The same stadiums that BTS played in two or three times, Coldplay has had up to 8 sold out dates in those stadiums.

Now, for the final bosses. Taylor Swift gets around 7 millions likes on her posts. She's also on a stadium tour right now. Her albums that were released 15 years ago and she's re-releasing now, are still getting one million preorders in the first day, only in the USA. She gets 80 million streams on her spotify profile, DAILY. Everyday.

BTS right now has 73 million followers on their bts_bighit account, and it was a smaller number before but in 2021 they were already getting 100 million views for butter in the first 24 hours.

For Christmas 2020, Jimin released Christmas Love, unannounced. Literally they just posted a link, and the youtube audio got I think 10 million in the first day. Later that day, Taehyung went on weverse to announce he'd be releasing snow flower that night. It debuted with less views than Christmas Love, even if it had been announced. The members opened their instagram accounts on December 6th 2021 (I'm just going by memory here, so I might be slightly wrong on the date). Taehyung immediately was "on the lead" regarding followers, immediately gathered a few million more than any other member. Taehyung then released Christmas Tree in the end of December 2021. Debut streams: roughly 1.5 million. If even half of his followers had tuned in (on Spotify) for his song, you'd think he would've done better than 1.5 million streams. With you was released four months later and, despite having only half the tracking time and despite "unpopular" Jimin having less instagram followers than Taehyung, with you got a better first day streams. To this day, it still gains streams faster than Christmas Tree.

As a sidenote, I don't think it's a small detail that instagram followers and likes are way easier to fake and fraud than streams. In the end, Jimin is a musician and the only way he can "prove" anything about himself, or his popularity or success, it's through his music and his performances. I think it's clear he himself doesn't even care that much about his instagram profile.

The same goes for Jungkook's lives viewers, which was something I was thinking about the other day. He released music last year, and last year he was already getting 15, 20 million viewers (which his fans claim are unique viewers), but his songs debuted with not even half of that. And we know how streams work; one person could stream the same song 10, 20 times. So how come he doesn't get 40 million streams a day? Or at least one day in the year? If we were to assume that 20 million different people watch his lives, those 20 million could also play his song once or twice at least one day in the year. But that doesn't happen.

So that's why I could never be bothered about instagram followers and likes... it really never mattered to me. Records in general don't matter to me, and I've said it plenty of times. There are some Jimin "records" and numbers that I wasn't even aware of until FACE was released. I didn't know that with you was more streamed than stay alive or christmas tree, for example. There's some stuff I'm finding out only because other people post about it, not because I'm constantly checking up on Jimin's and other member's numbers.

I can only go with Taehyung's old releases numbers because he hasn't released anything in a while. Also, a random OST is not the same as a proper debut, so I am aware that nobody really knows how well he could do with his debut. But the truth is that -IN THE PAST- his streams and singles sales have always been lower than Jimin's; the only member who's on par with Jimin on that, is Jungkook. Maybe for his debut Taehyung will finally release a fun song that people actually want to listen to.

On the other hand, now that Jimin has "set records" with his debut album, when Taehyung and Jungkook's albums come out, they will try to out-do Jimin's numbers, and when the next Jimin album comes out, people will try to out-do taekook's numbers and so on and on. So unless it's a really extraordinary thing that could hardly be replicated (like Jimin's BB #1), other than that, records of numbers are a really fickle thing to hold on to. The only reason I talked about them in this post was to make a point that instagram followers really do not always correlate to how "successful" or loved, or supported someone is.

As for your last paragraph, firstly I'm really uncomfortable and tired of the backhanded "compliments" like Jimin is doing great, but not as great as Taehyung or Jungkook. Like what is the actual purpose? I know they will do well, but the undermining of Jimin's achievements is insane and so unnecessary. The day Jungkook's and Taehyung's albums were announced too, it was "the most successful kpop soloists in the world" when Jimin is literally right there, being exactly that right now. Why have most people in this fandom incorporated the backhanded compliments in their vocabulary? Being lowkey or even highkey shady towards Jimin is almost like an unconscious thing for most these days.

Talking specifically about the hate he gets from Taehyung's Jungkook's stans, what you mentioned is half of the reason why. The other half is, ships. The other half of the hate is because of taekook.

They have convinced themselves that Instagram followers and such, are a measure of success. They have convinced themselves that Jimin is not talented, that he can't sing, that he can't dance, that all these years he was pushed by the company as something he's not and that his whole personality is a lie. They fight so hard against the love he receives because they genuinely think he doesn't deserve it for all of those reasons they've invented themselves. Then some YouTuber shows up and reacts to a BTS live song and goes "oh this Jimin guy sounds the best" and they think he's been paid to say that. The idea they have of him has never correlated with the image the real world has of him, and that's what bothers them. If someone says I love this song, they just HAVE to be on his business and spam "this song is awful" because they think it's wrong to like him and want others to feel that way about him too.

That's never going to happen because the real world isn't chronically online, feeding themselves lies the way Taehyung and JK stans are.

It's also interesting, but not really, that according to them Jimin is a "flop" but Jimin is the only one they're always trying to surpass. So how exactly is he flopping if he's their biggest competition. All BTS members are competing with themselves as of right now, none of them stand a chance next to already stablished artists with proven global, stable success like Harry or Taylor. Didn't bad bunny get 1 billion streams on his album the FIRST day? That happened last year. And JK stans were so proud of Jungkook getting it in 409 days. I'd like to see Jungkook or Taehyung stans try and argue how successful they are compared to people like those I mentioned. All BTS members are competing with themselves, but none of them are actually stablished as solo acts, especially in the states. All of them are still confined to kpop so far. Jimin has probably started to crack the surface because Like Crazy was quite successful in the USA and even the UK, and there were a lot of things that gave it publicity, but even then that's just a crack and it takes time to settle as an undisputed successful solo artist. No BTS member has the time to do that.

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thestobingirlie · 1 year

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I saw a post saying that Steve was a huge bully, and that it's mentioned in every season that he bullied others so much and other characters talk about how bad he affected them.

And I was just thinking where?

The worst we get is season 1. With breaking Jonathan's camera, and then the fight in the alley. Breaking the camera was 100% justified. There were photos of a minor changing. And even without the photos of Nancy, it was a massive invasion of Steve's privacy. And the fight Steve was somewhat provoked into saying those things. Yes, a lot of what he said was uncalled for, but he was provoked by the photos, then seeing Nancy and Jonathan together in Nancy's room despite the photos, and then Nancy and Jonathan showing up together in the alley just sealed the deal that there was something going on. He's a bit of an asshole, but not a bully. And sure, he gets referred to as "that douchebag, Steve Harrington" by Lucas in episode 1, but the kids don't know him at this point. They've most likely never met him, and anything that they know about him is hearsay.

Season 2, I don't think there's any mention of him being a bully or even much of a mention of him being an asshole. It's obvious that Jonathan doesn't really like Steve, but that's more jealousy. And sure, the kids don't seem fond of him to start with, and he's the last resort, but they don't really know him, so they don't yet have a reason to trust him. They would have only met him in passing, Mike might have met him for a bit longer at times, but not enough to actually know Steve.

Season 3. Robin says that Steve was an asshole and a douchebag, but she admits to having a biased view. She said that she felt that way because he wasn't paying attention to Tammy Thompson and she was jealous because of it. And him not remembering her from the class they shared. Not remembering someone doesn't mean that he's an asshole. We don't know how many students were at Hawkins High, but the few scenes we see of more of the student body, there looked like quite a lot. I went to a small school (100-120 kids each year) and I barely recognised and remembered some of the kids I had classes with. And I really didn't recognise anyone that wasn't the same age as me. It doesn't make Steve a bully, it just makes him a little self-centred in the way teenagers are.

Season 4, the only scene we get is his talk with Eddie. And Eddie admitted he was wrong to consider Steve a douchebag, and it was just based off of assumptions of him, because he didn't actually know him.

(This person also said that Billy wasn't a bully on the same post. Even if you discount all his interactions with the other main characters, his first scene in season 3 he is literally bullying a child. He is shouting at this kid and repeatedly calling him lard-ass in front of a crowded public pool.)

i feel like i saw that post, and i just scrolled past lol. it’s so weird when people take characters that are obviously biased at their word when there is evidence to the contrary.

no one has ever said that steve bullied them, they’ve called him names, but never about personal experiences with steve, just because of their assumptions.

yeah. i will always defend the breaking of the camera in s1, and anyone that defends him with ‘jonathan’s poor’ like… maybe he shouldn’t have taken pictures of people looking through the fucking trees into a house. and yeah, the fight is fucked up, steve says stuff he shouldn’t, slutshames nancy, and it’s all disgusting. but it’s not bullying.

s2, there’s nothing to imply steve’s treated anyone badly, and in s3, like you said, robin doesn’t actually mention any bad behaviour from steve, she just takes out her anger on him because he could have tammy thompson, he has all her attention and he doesn’t even look her way.

then yeah, s4, eddie admits he was wrong about steve, that he made presumptions because steve was rich and hot.

(omfg i hate that scene with billy calling that kid a lard ass, because those middle age mothers literally see billy calling a child names and are still looking lustfully at him!!)

but yeah, steve isn’t a bully, to say he is one is just… wrong lmao. the freaks and geeks all take out their anger at not being popular on steve, unfairly, and to just believe them when all evidence does against what they say, is kinda funny

#steve harrington #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #eddie munson #stranger things #asks #anon

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ciaossu-imagines · 1 year

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Following up with this fandom prompt, I'm going into an under-requested but well received fandom on this blog, Servamp!

Send me a fandom and I will name a character:

Who I will protect at all costs: This is a two-way tie between Sakuya and Tsurugi. I could not pick between them because both of them just hit me so right. They make me want to take care of them and want to protect them and make them happy!

Who deserves better: So many of these characters deserved better than the lots they got in life, if I’m to be honest. However, seeing them deal with those and, in some cases, how they’ve chosen to overcome them, makes for some truly fantastic characters.

Who was killed off too early: It’s not that they were killed off too early because there’s no way the story could exist with them still being alive, but I really would have liked to have seen more regarding Mikuni’s mother and that whole situation with her. I think it would make a solid side story to the main manga, along with one focusing on Hyde and Ophelia’s time together.

Who I used to hate but now I love: Something about Mikuni really bothered me when he first showed up. He just gave me some creepy vibes but the further we got into the story and the more we learned about him, the more I started genuinely first liking and then loving him as a character…the fact that he’s also kind of strangely gotten more attractive thanks to slight art style evolution might have helped as well.

Who I used to love but now I hate: Hugh. I had found him absolutely adorable and he was originally my favourite of the Servamps. Though I don’t hate him, per se, he’s definitely a little soured in my view.

Who needs to be killed off asap: Touma. I don’t care about redemption, I don’t care about excuses. I just want to see him dead.

Who is unfairly hated: As with all answers to this and the next question, I will say the same thing as I say for any and all fandoms. Nobody. Everyone is entitled to love or hate the characters they do. These are fictional characters, everyone will interpret and see them in their own way, based on their own biases and reads on the characters and can hate or like the characters they do without having to be ashamed about it.

Who is unfairly loved: See the above answer.

Who needs to sort out their priorities: Tsubaki, honestly. I do feel like it’s just that enough attention hasn’t been paid to really fleshing him out, but I can’t fully get a grip on his priorities or motivations a lot of the time. I do get the argument that he can just be a sort of embodiment of chaos for the sake of chaos, but I also don’t fully get that vibe from him either.

Who needs a hug: If I could, I would hug Sakuya at least five times a day. It goes along with my first answer of who I would protect the most!

Who needs to get out of their current relationship: Okay, I know the fans of this particular ship will kill me. I get their Servamp/Eve dichotomy and I even enjoy it at times but there is a really unhealthy, abusive part of Hyde and Licht’s relationship, if viewed in any subjective or realistic way.

Who the writers love: Mahiru, but as with most stories, this mostly comes down to being the protagonist. I do find him a little bland at times but he’s still an enjoyable character and doesn’t fall square into the ‘bland bitch protagonist’ field so I don’t mind how much of him we do see.

Who needs a better storyline: Not so much a better storyline, and again, I’m not fully caught up to the manga, but I feel like Tsubaki needs…more. I’m not fully sure how to articulate what I mean by that, but I find him stagnant in some ways. I feel like there needs to be more done with him, more of a back-story fleshed out or more sides to him shown.

Who has an amazing redemption arc: I feel like we’re still seeing it but I do feel like Tsurugi, for the time he’s been in the picture, has displayed and had focus given to a lot of character development and it has made him one of my favourite characters because of that.

Who is hot as fuck: He’s a little off-the-wall, but Higan in both his younger and older forms is just super attractive to me.

Who belongs in jail: Honestly, there were a lot of options. There’s a lot of characters who have done some…questionable things. However, my gut still goes with Touma every time.

Who needs to be revived from the dead: If the spoilers I’ve gotten is any indication, I think I got my wish here, but I’ve always thought that Sensei needed to come back, that there needed to be some twist there. I know a big plot line is that Kuro killed him and the fall-out from his action and the vote they took but I feel they jipped us what could be this batshit insane and truly intriguing character in Sensei.

#fandom prompt #servamp #sensei servamp #touma taishi #higan #higan servamp #tsurugi kamiya #tsubaki #tsubaki servamp #mahiru shirota #hyde servamp #lawless #lawless servamp #licht jekylland todoroki #sakuya watanuki #hugh the dark algernon iii #mikuni alicein

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chirpsythismorning · 1 year

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Hi! I can't stop thinking... Why so many people insist that Will doesn't have / can't have powers, only the connection with Henry-the Mind Flayer? Some of them are so sure, they even make fun of who thinks that Will with some sort of powers could be the plot twist that changes the way we see the whole story.... I think that would be awesome, not ridiculous.

Many milvan fans think that, and Henry's stans too. But what's the problem? Character in a sci-fi show about superpowers has powers. Wow. Unbelivable.

Don't get me wrong, we all have our own biases (a lot of toxic milkvans vehemently deny the possibility of Will having powers, for obvious reasons), but what I think it really comes down to the original intention of the Duffers in terms of Will what they always had planned for him.

A lot of fans think that certain concepts being explored would just be flat out bad, assuming those concepts come out of nowhere, and/or in a way that feels like we've been cheated.

For example, a lot of fans feel strongly about not wanting the show to ever involve time travel at any point, with most fans agreeing on this to a large extent, arguing that it would feel like a cheap reset, changing our entire understanding of the overall show.

You could also make the argument that a lot of Redditors feel this way about the possibility of byler whenever it's brought up genuinely, where they say it's not possible because there weren't enough signs to support it and so if byler did happen, it would ruin the show.

The main problem with this, is that we're assuming that the story hasn't already hinted about these things, with the intention to explore them from the moment they hinted at them.

Like when it comes to time travel, we have a main character that goes missing who is literally dressed like Marty McFly from Back to the Future, which was a film also referenced a lot in s3. Not only that, but time itself has been referenced A LOT since the very beginning. And we even have the upside down stuck on the very moment Will went missing on Nov 6th 1983 (in his Marty McFly fit). And so yes we can have our doubts about it being as good as we hope based on other media and how they've all depicted time travel, but to say it wouldn't be fitting or it would be coming out of nowhere would be naive.

And same with byler. There are definitely signs, it's a matter of being willing to acknowledge them, actual view them and think about them each individually and all together (assuming you are willing to do that). If you're willing to do that then it suddenly is an undeniable obvious direction that the show is going. And yet there are plenty of people out there that will never see it that way, until it's spelled out to them with everything being explained.

I think what it all comes down to is the show itself having hints over the seasons, with it being apart of the Duffers original plan from the beginning, to some extent.

No matter what, even if I don't like a choice they make about a certain concept, I don't know if I could critique them that much about it if it was actually intentionally put there from the beginning? Like props to them, I'm not gonna be mad if at the very least, it fits? That would be my main concern, that it came out of nowhere with no signs. But I doubt that's going to be the case for the surprises we have in store for the final season, TBH I think all of them will have been foreshadowed at some point.

And that also goes for Will having powers. I can see why fans might be against it, because they are choosing to imagine that it would go down in the most unsatisfying way possible. And they're also choosing to not look deeper at things that clearly hint at it over the seasons, all because of a bias based on whatever they feel that's stopping them from that, big or small.

Personally, I'm a twelvegate truther at the moment, and so I have my own thoughts when it comes to the likelihood of Will having powers in some capacity (yes). And I genuinely came to that conclusion based on hints in the details since the first episode.

People need to realize, the Duffers want more than anything for the show to have rewatch value forever and ever. And by making all these hints really subtle in the details from the very beginning, only to be revealed at the end, they are not only shocking the people experiencing it in real time, but they're also setting it up in a way that makes it even more satisfying for future generations. Not only is rewatch value being considered, because I would argue that's the most important, but also think about all the people that will hear about ST in the upcoming years, knowing how it ended because it was spoiled to them in passing. Those kind of viewers would immensely enjoy those details about time travel or byler or Will having powers, stretching all the way to the beginning.

Right now so many people brush off the details as unimportant, and we're able to do this freely because we still don't have all the answers yet. That's fair for now. But when we do get all the answers in the end, people will have everything in front of them waiting to be confronted, it'll just be a matter of everyones willingness to accept it as reality at that point, even if it's not what we might have thought we wanted based on what we were/weren't willing to see.

#stranger things #byler #will has powers #stranger things predictions #twelvegate #i don't even know what i think about wills powers yet #i'm somewhere in between #time powers #creation powers #fire powers #somewhere in between #regardless i'm excited to see where it goes #because there are a lot of possiblities

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burnwater13 · 5 months

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Picture from The Mandalorian A Day Calendar, 2023

Nevarro was home now and the Imp base was gone and High Magistrate Greef Karga was working hard to make that planet worthy of being called ‘home’. Grogu was mostly happy about that. He liked having a home and he knew, through bitter personal experience that there were many worse places to have to call ‘home’.

As much as he sometimes missed the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, he didn’t miss that the ancient Jedi who took that space over from the Sith hadn’t understood that Jedi younglings and padawan came from all species and therefore in all sizes and capability levels. They had clearly been very biased toward humans and humanoid life forms. If you were at least a meter and a half tall, and no wider than you were tall, the Temple was pretty user friendly. If you varied from that in any significant way, well, it wasn’t all it cracked up to be.

He also missed the standard decking used in starships. No gaps, no bumps, no sand, and especially no rocks. Most of the planets he’d visited had rough footing at best and a lot of hidden hazards routinely. Again, if you were a human or had a biology that made footwear useful, no problem. But if you were Grogu, either the bottom of your coverall got torn and tattered routinely or you stubbed your toes, burned the soles of your feet, or just felt like you were walking on sand paper all the time. It was awful.

But nice flooring was almost the only thing Grogu missed about starships. Everything else about them was, once again, set up for someone a lot taller than him. Sensors used to open doors were set at a default that kept most stowaway critters out. That meant that he often had to jump up and wave his arms to get the door to open. If he tried to ride a MSE repair mech around, their sensors couldn’t trip the door sensors and they were just as stuck as before.

And don’t get him started on their privies. They were a nightmare and that’s all he was prepared to say about it. He might be small, but heck, didn’t people look where they were aiming? Or even check to see if the privy was in use before using it themselves? He would have liked to pretend that was just a problem with Imps, but he knew better than that.

So, despite the view you got from the canopy of the N-1, no starship was every really going to be home.

Grogu could say that he missed something from the ice ball Maldo Kreis but that would be a lie. He didn’t miss the cold. Or the hot spring. Or the gigantic spiders. Along with all the crabbiness from his dad, the Mandalorian, Grogu could only think of one thing he sorta kinda missed. Those frog eggs had been delicious, but he’d been told to stop bringing that up and no they would not go to Trask to see if they could get any more of them.

Which brought him to the only thing he had even liked about Trask. He liked the Frog Lady and her family. They were nice. They understood how hard it was to be on the wrong planet and that finding a home was tricky for a lot of people, themselves included. But that was it. Most of the people on Trask had fallen into a few categories as far as Grogu could tell.

First there were the fishermen who would sell their own mothers for bait. Then there were the dockworkers who pretended that they knew anything about starship repairs. Finally, there were Mandalorians. Really, that was it. His Mandalorian was special. Those other Mandalorians… not so much. No way to set up home there if you get a reputation for stealing Imperial freighters because some Mando wants to be Mand’alor again. Ask her why she wasn’t Mand’alor and see if that had really been a mistake or just the appropriate outcome to a chain of events that she had started. Or don’t. He didn’t need you to agree with him about that. His dad didn’t.

That had been pretty clear when the next place then ended up was Corvus. Uff. The only thing he had liked about Corvus was leaving. That had been very satisfying. Way more satisfying that leaving the next place they went. Tython.

Ahsoka Tano hadn’t explained how draining it would be to use the temple there and ask the galaxy to throw a Jedi his way. By the time they all realized it was a mistake to even try to split up a dream team like Grogu and Din Djarin, well… it was too Dank Farrik late. The only thing good about Tython was the Mandalorian meeting Boba Fett and finding out that Fennec Shand was still alive.

Of course, none of that had happened to Grogu on Tython, so he still didn’t like the place. He’d been stolen, kidnapped, whatever’d by a bunch of stinking battle droids. How did anyone, at all, anywhere have access to battle droids? What the heck was the New Republic doing? Arguing about the type of privies they should install on Chandrila?

Any way, Grogu finally ended up going with R2-D2 to Ossus and it was pretty nice. More or less. The food wasn’t great, but there were frogs at least. No Imps were there. No bounty hunting guilds. No pirates. No actual civilization. Not even any buildings. It was green. That was nice. Grogu blended in well. That was a plus. But Master Luke was all about the work, work, work and not at all about play even just a tiny, little bit. And, while Grogu wasn’t one to hold a grudge, he was still pretty annoyed with the Ahsoka Tano for not letting him see the Mandalorian when he made the trip out there to check on Grogu. That had been a mistake. Which Luke had compounded by giving Grogu a ‘choice’. A lightsaber was not a person. It didn’t feel anything. It didn’t care. It didn’t cry.

So, instead of staying on Tatooine, which Grogu loved because of Peli and Boba and Fennec, and Ranky, and Marshal Vanth, and the flavor of krayt dragon steaks, they were on Nevarro. It was their base of operations and maybe, one day, when hunting down the Imp remnants was done, and no one had a bounty fob for either one of them, he and his dad could just relax and play a game of spill the pins or hatchet, or count the frogs. Then they could build some wonderful memories together and that’s really one of the things that turned a base into a home.

From The Mandalorian, Season 3, Episode 8, The Return

#calendar prompt a day #the mandalorian #grogu #din djarin

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moonchildridden · 2 years

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NottPun, that couple (who’re not exactly a couple) that showed a lot of nuances in less than an hour: cute and lovable toxicity, hard work and workshop in secret rooms just to save up time (Episode 1)

You know the shit is good when it makes the dead rise.

War Of Y. A good sister series to Y Destiny, where we have 4 couples, each one with a story that seeks to show and expose the inside juice of the acting industry, especially in the Y-area. The couples, as it follows, are NottPun (with the story “New Ship”), GusBew (with the story “War of Managers). KlaPeek (with the story “Y-IDOL) and MostAchi (with the story “Wife”). And just like Y Destiny, as soon as you see the trailers for the stories, is not difficult to see that things are prone to get dark and dirty very fast and all you can do is put your seat belt on and pray it keeps you in place the entire journey.

To be honest, I wasn’t planning to make any analysis/rant/theory posts about this series, because I’m lazy and also have a post about LeoFiat in the drafts since last year, that I seriously need to finish before their new series airs but after I watched the first episode and identified the themes presented in them, my brain just got into that overdrive mode that keeps nagging me until I actually sat down and started writing. And, oh boy, I can’t wait to show you guys what my brain cooked.

Before we get this little baby on the road, the usual disclaimers: everything that you guys will be reading in this post is the result of my observations into very specific parts of the episode, frame by frame repetitive viewing and me getting to the most plausible conclusion after taking all in, meaning that most of the things will be on the speculative territory, others in (maybe) theory territory and some can (or so I think) be proven by in-dialogues and scenes arrangements, so take things with a grain of salt, ok?

I will divide this in segments to make it easy for you guys to follow my thought process and also will follow the order of events presented in the episode, with things in bold being mostly dialogues and things in italic being me emphasizing or exaggerating my thoughts. So, consider me an impostor today because I will vent a lot in here.

Oh, and also, for those who do not know me and landed here by accident, I’m moonchild, your resident theorist and analyst, back to business because my brain hates me. Nice to meet you, and let’s get into it.

Characters profiles

The thing that I hate the most is when I need to establish myself a character sheet myself, because it can be wildly inaccurate and make my understanding of certain actions wrong just because I based my ideas of a character in a biased viewing. However, when we only have one episode and not a lot to work on, in terms of ground to analyze, the only thing I can do is extrapolate a bit and hope I get something right. This was exactly what I did here.

Starting with Nott. Nott seems to be a very easy going and approachable person, smiling more and being friendlier even when the people around him simply do not give room for that to happen. This easy going way of being extends to how he views certain aspects of his job as an actor, such as love scenes, and also his personal live, with him being a bit of a flirt when he’s with Pun. He also seems intense sometimes and rather competitive, which gives him an image of someone who you should never fuck with, unless you want problems.

Oh, and he smokes. I just needed to point that out.

Moving on to Pun, this guy seems to be on the verge of getting annoyed by everyone and everything and it only needs one person to fuck up really good for him to explode and wish that the world would burn and not spare anyone (me, for real). He also seems a bit arrogant, a jerk at best and a borderline toxic at worst, getting a high in humiliating people he deems below him (Pharaoh and GusBew) and in being adored. He’s more competitive that Nott and seems to be that type of person willing to do almost everything to get where he wants, including tearing down people he sees as his competition.

(As a side note, Pun is so fucking pretty with this hair that I would kill for him. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk)

Overall, they are a good match. Nott keeps Pun in check a little bit, as Pun could be classified as a bit of a brat, and Pun brings out a more risky side of Nott. A real match made in heaven.

Now, contrary to what I did in my PuthKaeng analysis, jumping straight to my vision of their relationship, the tone and ambience of the episode was not exactly focused on the relationship between Nott and Pun but how the environment of their job and their personalities converge and what type of reactions that convergence causes. Because of that, this post (and possibly the ones after this) will focus more on the themes that the episodes are trying to convey, after all that’s the main premise of the series: expose of the industry; and also, there is not much of their relationship shown here to warrant a whole single post about it, except a few things that I noticed and rented a fucking triplex in my head since morning, and I will be talking about that in the end of the post.

So…to the themes that I managed to identify on the episode, we have mainly four:

1. Apparent lack of space/dispute between BL actors;

2. NC scenes and their placement in series (existence, intensity, etc);

3. Unequal treatment between actors;

4. Sexual harassment from important figures within the industry/society in general.

1. Apparent lack of space/dispute between BL actors

The episode starts with an award ceremony show being transmitted live and the biggest prize of the night, The Greatest Y, being announced and right of the bat is possible to notice some “tension” between Pun specifically and the other actor that was nominated for the same award, Atichon, if the looks he keeps throwing in Atichon’s direction are any indicative of that. Because they are in a public setting, there is a certain professionalism in front of the attendees and the cameras, just for the sake of not creating problems for any of them.

Atichon won the award and, until there and the speech he have, things seem pretty “normal”, until we move to the next scene, which is those mini fan meetings that actors usually do after events like these and here it is almost possible to identify a sub-theme: the allusion of the fragility of the actor’s fame in the industry and how the fans seem to move too fast from couple to couple, cheering for what’s in the spotlight at that moment: first they cheer for GusBew (the new actors in the block, per se) and take their photos, then they cheer for NottPun (the seniors of GusBew) and take their photos and then they cheer for AtichonDew (the seniors of NottPun) and take their photos.

While this may seem normal for some people, the point here is how the crowd “loses” interest of a couple as soon as a new one is put in front of them, and the amount of “influence” these same actors have in the industry. The fans here are being treated as migratory birds, and the fact that the show is using the biggest driving force of any celebrity, their followers, to such how unstable this type of environment can be and how the idea that there is not enough space to everyone in the industry, that someone always have to lose so that other one can shine is being ingrained in the minds of the actors.

The industry is basically saying that they have a room with a limited space, and they are too saturated to accommodate everyone, so a few people will need to give up their seats to make things more comfortable. Consequently, causing clashing between the actors and rising the competitive spirit (mind you that I’m not saying that being competitive is bad, but that the type of competitive behavior that the industry is promoting here is the real problem).

2. NC scenes and their placement in series (existence, intensity, etc)

This one is a bit tricky, because it may be just me reading into this too much but sometimes that’s the only way of actually understanding things, being the only part of the themes that I’m not really sure if it is intentional or not. Regardless, it took me to a tangent out of this world and I feel like I need to put this here.

Anyway, during the script reading meeting, Pun’s manager asked to the screenwriter is the amount of NC scenes wasn’t a bit too much and the screenwriter answered with a “I think it is normal when the characters grow up, the story gets more intense”, “the customers want them” and “who wants to make a season 2 lighter than the last?”. That answer took me to three points:

1 – The idea that to show maturity/character growth inside the story, it is explicitly necessary to show their intimacy, or the characters are not “mature” enough, kind of equating sex with maturity

Putting aside the discussion about how affection between queer couples is shown almost hesitantly in series, even those where being queer is their “selling point”, and how when is actually shown is almost always in a extreme way and can be considering a way of pandering to the fujoshis or not, the way the screenwriter explained the amount of the NC in the story made it seem like more than half of the story will have NC scenes because without that, even with the couple being mature, the couple would not be considered mature, which is kind of…weird, to say the least. And don’t get me started in how that way of thinking can be harmful to ace people.

2 – The absurd demand for NC scenes, instead of actual plot

We all have in mind that one series that we think that have too many NC scenes, just to hide the fact that there is no actual plot and how NC scenes are marketed and sold, more than the story itself, almost like they are separate entities. As the public that consumes BL (I’m generalizing here for the sake of convenience, I know not every person that watches BL is like that), we tend to focus more on series with a strong sexual content, even when that is not the focal point of the series (for example, Pornographer was a story with a strong sexual content whose plot revolved around that). The “costumers” the screenwriter was referring in their answer is us, the public that will watch the series, and we are mainly responsible for the adding, sometimes unnecessary, of NC scenes, just because they know it something that sells and can guarantee the series a sure thing light level of success.

[I’m not saying that NC scenes are unnecessary per se of that there is a X amount of acceptable NC scenes before the series can be considered soft porn, but that the high demand of more “mature stories” (mature here being actual sex scenes and not stories with mature characters) is making good quality of plots a difficult thing to archive.]

3 – The fact that a good chunk of screenwriters CAN’T make a good second season

Together With Me: The Next Chapter and I Promised You The Moon. Two of the most awaited seasons of their respective years, with high expectations being put in how good they would be. Two seasons that ended up giving us a big unnecessary headache.

Second seasons, after the couple is already together, should be usually made to show that same couple in a domestic setting, their adaptation to a new environment, how they resolve their problems, how they face the difficulties life throw at them, stuff like that. It may happen that a drama or two appear along the way, but nothing that takes 90% of the plot or be that heavy to the point of destroying the couple’s constructed relationship. Many people would literally PAY (no joke!) just to see their favorite couple just being cute and lovey dovey with each other, having their day by day normally, so the idea that a second season need to be more intense than the first is not as linear as the screenwriter is trying to make seem. You need to give valid reasons for the intensity, like unresolved issues left hanging in season one, a coherent added problem, and not just make an intense second season for the sake of making an intense second season.

That type of behavior gives the impression that the screenwriters have ZERO idea of how to write a happy couple and that if they don’t create problems out of thin air, may end up dying. AKA, lazy writing in my opinion.

3. Unequal treatment between actors;

This may sound a bit random but anyone who has been following KinnPorsche's cast for a while will surely remember that Apo said in an interview that one of the reasons that made him leave the industry was that there was no equal treatment between the actors in a series' cast and the crew in general.

Being more specific, he talked about how the protagonists were treated as if they were basically royalty on the set, being able to have everything they wanted, when they wanted, and those who were not "important" in the story (secondaries and extras) were treated as if they were expendable. Nothing shows and explains this better than the scene in which GusBew and their managers are practically in the middle of the hallway, while Bew was getting his makeup done, and NottPun had a climate-controlled room with mineral water and ice cubes specifically prepared and waiting for them. Or the scene where Gus was going to prepare something to drink and one of the staff directs him to another corner because the corner he was in belonged to the protagonists, with a plaque literally written “For Pun Only”. Or even the fact that Pan's manager made the staff skip the queue shooting and put NottPun’s scenes before the ones GusBew were shooting just because she (or Pan probably) wanted to come home early.

Let me repeat: Pan's manager went over the shooting schedule and MANAGED to delay the scene of other actors just because her actor is the protagonist in the series and left the other actors whose schedule had to be adapted because of that to deal with the consequences. It was basically a “if you’re not the protagonist, just resume yourself to your insignificance and be quiet, because you're not the boss here”.

Other thing that kind of gives the sense of this inequality is how, going back to the beginning of the episode, in the after event ceremony, every time one of the actors is introduced, we get to see their IG profile and the amount of followers they have. GusBew, probably because they are new in the industry, are the ones with the lowest numbers (with 3.2k and 2.8k respectively), followed by NottPun with 850k and 731k respectively and AtichonDew with 1.34M and 1.7M respectively. This is their way of saying that the way they will be treated will follow the “influence” they have in the industry and the most fame you have, the better you will be treated and the better opportunities you will have; I bet that if Atichon made the same demands NottPun, or their managers, do, NottPun would be left to wait while Atichon’s demands were attended.

Because, even if Pun hate to admit, he knows that Atichon is more respected and well treated than him.

4. Sexual harassment from important figures within the industry/society in general.

Well…when I said things could get dark in a heartbeat in this series, I was not lying. The things I was talking about were already pretty serious but now we are going to tackle something even more serious: the lack of bodily autonomy that the actors have within the industry and how big figures use the power they have to get sexual favors from them. Because of that, this part comes with a trigger warning of sexual assault and sexual harassment and if you don’t feel comfortable with this kind of content, maybe is better to avoid this section entirely.

Anyway. We've all heard rumors (and we're even sure that many things like this really happened) that a lot of actors in the industry have been harassed by screenwriters, novel authors, directors, broadcasters, anyone with enough power to leverage or screw up the lives of actors who you can imagine (a good example, the most recent actually, is the harassment Mile suffered from one of the KinnPorsche’s novel authors). Most of the time this happens without the actors' managers knowing but, in some cases, actors are convinced by the managers to do certain "pleasures" for certain people in exchange for opportunities in the company they are in or in the industry in general, and these treats they are almost always of a sexual nature, which makes an already complicated situation of social and economic inequality much worse than it could be.

Leaving aside Pan's somewhat "toxic" personality and how obnoxious he can be, the way he almost screamed with his eyes for his manager not to leave him alone with the man there, how he angrily rubbed himself in the bath after the meeting, crying while remembering being touched against his will, shows that even those most "willing" to sell a little more than acting, feel pressured to do so because they feel they NEED to do that so they can stay in the industry and not be left behind. And here we're talking about someone who probably already had an idea of what could happen during that meeting, can you imagine someone new to the industry, having their first role, dreaming of gaining fans and solidifying themselves in the market? Anyone underage, like Barcode for example, who had the authors using him to get massages in exchange of help with the script? Someone with no one else to advise them at these times? How many Pans are there in this industry, being coerced into pleasing people with money in exchange for publicity, a role on a major network, a year-end award? It's almost scary to think about it.

Still on the subject of unwanted touches, I was scrolling on twitter and reading some tweets about the episode and I came across a tweet that caught my attention and added another thing on this post, that I really didn’t think it was something that important to mention or analyze but considering that nothing in this episode is random and serves a purpose, now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Pun, besides being a little bratty and coming across as rude sometimes, seems to hate being touched, to a degree that every time someone touches him, immediately after his manager gives him spray so he can use. It happened when he waited for Pharaoh to step aside so he could go to his room, it happened after GusBew asked to take pictures with him and it happened (albeit justifiable this time) after the meeting with the TTV sponsor. In all of those instances, he only “allowed” the touches to happen because he was being polite, not because he actually wanted which, according to the tweet I mentioned earlier, could mean two things:

1 - His apparent germophobia could be an allusion to how Pun feels about how he is in the industry, as in the fear of being sullied and ruined, losing every part of himself because of the industry so the action of cleaning himself after physical contact could be the way he found to keep him “intact”;

2 - Could be a reaction to past trauma, most possibly of sexual nature.

No matter what the reasons are for this behavior, one sure thing is that Pun hates being touched and only allows certain people that privilege. One of them is his manager and the other, surprisingly enough, is Nott; in ANY MOMENT, Pun swayed away from Nott’s touch and, if I do say so myself, seemed very comfortable having Nott by his side, something that could mean that Nott, in a weird sense, is some sort of safe place for Pun (more about this later).

Overall, the episode tackled in a very straightforward way a few things that we always wondered if happened in the industry and didn’t shy away from making us feel uncomfortable in the right moment, while also making us think deeply about the themes portrayed in the episode and BillySeng undoubtedly killed as NottPun, making us see the emotions and pay attention to every action the characters were doing. They evolved a lot since Secret Crush On You and I can assure that NottPun were made for them.

Not gonna lie, I was a bit skeptical about the premise of the series and wondered if they would really deliver what they were promising but after watching the first episode, see how much thought was put into the script, the acting, the setting, the delivery, the soundtrack, the pacing, everything, I can only praise their work and be really excited to see what’s next in store. It’s not easy to make a god criticism of an industry you are part of but the WOY team managed to give us exactly what they said they would: the ugly and unglittered side of the acting industry, as raw as they could do, while still being artistic about it.

10/10. Definitely recommend.

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Now that I took the main bulk of the episode out of the way, I feel like I need to talk about the thing that rented a triplex in my mind and is living in rent free since yesterday, that is the relationship between NottPun. I think is very clear that in almost 10 pages on Word, I rarely mentioned about their sexual relationship or anything adjacent, simply because the episode itself does not focus that much in that aspect, choosing to highlight the jealousy, the competition, the pressure and the harassment that exists in this industry. However, I could not, in good faith, not mention that, not when there is so much in the little details that say more that they are explicitly showing to us.

Is PuthKaeng all over again, guys, I swear to god.

Before I begin, I want to make something very clear, to make sure we are all on the same foot here: NottPun have sex on a regular basis and Nott have feeling for Pun. This is not me reading too much into things, wishful thinking or pretending to see something that’s not there, this is me stating facts and being backed up by the characters themselves and the in-dialogue.

Going into them having sex on a regular basis theory, the first confirmation to that idea is when they meet and Pun complaints to Nott that he was late, getting a “I need to relax myself, I can’t just standby for you all the time” as an answer. The way he said that made me conclude that it is normal for Pun to ask Nott for sex and that Nott usually has free time to do that but he can’t just wait for Pun to be in the mood or only be available to service Pun, he also has his own needs, at his own time, needs that need to be satisfied, just like Pun satisfies his needs with Nott.

The second confirmation to that idea is the room they use to meet up and how organized everything seemed to be. Them going to the hotel in different times but still one after another, Nott going in first to get the room key and wait for Pun, the little sign Nott used when he saw Pun (touching his hat) and the fact that Pun went straight for the room (a little side note here, because this just popped into my head and I need to share. As nothing in this episode is random, I ended up searching for the meaning of the number of the room they meet, and the result I got was that the number 701 is all about personal power, divine assistance, new beginnings, inner wisdom and spiritual awakening. The bolded words are my doing; I leave you guys to figure out how that could relate to NottPun), with an easiness can only be attributed to an action that you do with some regularity, like muscle memory.

The third confirmation is actually two-fold, and this is where things get a little interesting:

1 - Before they went to the hotel, Pun asked Nott if the fact that the new season of their series would have so many NC scenes didn’t bothered him, so Nott answered with a simple “is just sex”, making Pun say that “is not sex, is acting”, prompting a weird expression to appear on Nott’s face, as if he was not expecting that adamant answer from Pun. The fact that Pun felt the need to make that distinction could be boiled down to the fact that he didn’t want to Nott to mix up things and end up treating what they do during the shooting for the series as an extension of what they do off-cam, i.e. them making out on their free time was not the same as they “making out” during the shooting.

2 – Inside their secret room, Nott asks Pun if what they are doing or about to do is “sex or just acting”, like he was challenging Pun to say something specific. While he was asking that, he kept caressing Pun’s ear and the way he smiled and seemed pleased while doing that makes me think that he knows very well what that action does to Pun (the man really looked like he was on cloud 9 in that moment), meaning that he has done that before enough times to know the results. That action was not a spur of the moment, it was something deliberated, almost like muscle memory.

Remember this: “in ANY MOMENT, Pun swayed away from Nott’s touch and, if I do say so myself, seemed very comfortable having Nott by his side, something that could mean that Nott, in a weird sense, is some sort of safe place for Pun (more about this later)”? Now is later, so let me talk about this.

My idea of Nott being some sort of safe place for Pun can be backed up by two particular situations, and both of them were kind of intimate. The first one is after they did what they went to that room to do, while Pun is sleeping. The way he hugs Nott, the way he rubs his face on Nott’s chest, the way he leans closer to Nott while making little satisfied noises is behavior of someone who’s very comfortable enough to be vulnerable on his sleep, with another person lying down next to them. And Nott was eating that clingy Pun, hugging him back, pulling Pun closed, smiling and then recording a story to post on his private IG account.

The second one is when they are shooting one of their NC scenes (the same one Pun’s manager skipped the queue for) and Pun seems to be a bit too stiff during their kiss, something that Nott noticed right away. While I’m debating myself between whether Pun being stiff is something that the character he was playing of him himself was stiff for some reason, what I want to point out here is the fact that Nott caressed Pun’s ear and, no joke, immediately Pun just relaxed his body and became more receptive for the kiss; the fact that they played the scene where Nott did the same in the hotel room while the current action was happening during the shooting was supposed to make a connection and say something: that something being that that specific action have a deeper meaning than just be a part of foreplay, it can also be used to make Pun more relaxed and less tense in situations where he could usually feel like that, like for example being touched.

It is like Nott touching Pun’s ear was a way of him saying that he would not hurt him or do more that he was allowed to. Their secret code; and the implications of that become even deeper when you put into account that Nott have feelings for Pun, because yes, he does, and I also have proofs of this to back it up.

The first one is when Nott is recording the story and Pun tells him to delete it. Nott, as an excuse, asks “if he deletes it, what will he watch when he misses Pun?” and then proceeds to kiss Pun. I don’t know the etiquette on how to act around casual sex partners but I’m almost sure that saying that you need a video to watch when you miss that person is not exactly what we would consider normal behavior in those situations. And while one could argue that he meant that in a sexual way, I can counter-argue without issue.

The second one, still while they are in the room, happens when Pun takes the phone from Nott’s hands, scrolls through his IG stories and stop on a picture of Nott with somebody else, probably the person that “relieved” Nott’s stress before he went to meet up with Pun, and asks “is this the business you told me about?”. Nott then answer with a “it’s just temporary business, it’s not as ‘serious’ as the next story”, referring to a picture he took of him and Pun together. His choice of words were intentional, with him basically saying that, no matter who he sleeps with, Pun will always be more important.

Adding to that, something that may slip during the viewing, mostly because the messages were not translated, is the fact that Pun sent a text message asking if Nott was busy and to meet him and Nott, despite saying that he could not be on standby for Pun all the time, ditched the person that was with him and went to see Pun. I repeat, Nott, the same person who basically said that couldn’t just be on beck and call for Pun, did exactly that when Pun asked if he was free, something that he was not. Do with that information what you will.

The third and final proof is actually on the trailer for this first story and also the teaser for the next episode. In the trailer, when Pun asks Nott why “he service (makes fanservice) that hard?”, Nott says that “he cares about Pun, admire him and that everything he does, it is all him”, and in the teaser for the second episode we have a complement of that last sentence, where Nott also asks “what service is Pun talking about?”, basically saying that everything he does for Pun, sexual or not, in front of fans or not, simple or not, is because he wants to do it, not because he feels obligated to do it. Nott could’ve outright confessed his feelings for Pun, it would be the same thing.

(And don’t get me started on the crazy idea that Nott is not exactly sleeping with other people but only making it seem like just to try to make it look like he has other options and it’s not sticking only to Pun. I swear to god, I’m more smart and objective than this).

There is so much more I’m sure I missed in this episode and each time I rewatch it, I always end up discovering something new, this is how very well layered this episode is. The more you watch, the more secrets you find out, your interpretations of certain things change and your perception is expanded, and I can’t wait for next week and the episode that will talk about how we analyze the relationship between actors based on social media interactions and how the misuse of fanservice can create more troubles than it’s worth. And you guys can bet I will be here again, talking about that.

#warofy #nottpun #nott x pun #pun x nott #theory #analysis #megapost

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