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wosoamazing · 1 month

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Diabetes

Summary: You join arsenal and move in with Beth and Viv, you're nervous how everything will go, but ultimately it was perfect

Warnings: Diabetes, Hypoglycaemia, Glucagon shot, let me know if anything else.

A/N: Just a bit of a cute fluffy fic, I tried to get everything right medically but IDK if it is perfect. I hope you like it. If I did get something wrong let me know. Also as always happy to do part 2s if requested but pls add some detail on what you want to see.

You were originally going to move in with Leah however the Medical Team said it would be best for you to live with two people, so you moved in with Beth and Viv, you were very nervous as to how they would perceive you, and whether they would be accommodating of your diabetes or not. You knew the medical team had discussions with them and that the club had forced them to do the emergency training for really bad lows and highs, what you didn't know was that they asked the club if they could find them some more training courses, they had done just about everyone single one, from how to use a Dexcom and an Omnipod as these were the devices you used, to how to live everyday life with diabetes.

So when you turned up to their house you were very surprised to see some snacks sitting out on the bench, each with a piece of paper next to them, with the amount of carbs in them. They had really gone out of their way to help you settle in and make your life easier.

“Um, we have something to show you.” Beth said, kind of hesitant, you followed them over to a cupboard, “Um, it might be a little silly but this is for you,” she said as she opened the cupboard. It was empty other than some shelves, and draws, some organisation baskets, a mini fridge and a basket full of lollies. “There are some juices in there, we didn’t know what flavour you liked so we bought a pack of each, if you don’t like a flavour that's okay, we also got you these, they are all 15g of Carbs each, um but we can buy anything else you want or prefer, and um we thought you could put all of your supplies in here so they are organised and there is even a label maker so we can label the draws and stuff if you want oh and this is for you I suppose.” She said as she picked up a phone, it was a brand new iPhone 15 “it's more for the club, they were originally going to by you a android but we told them you wouldn't use it so yeah, the idea is we connect it to you sensors as like an additional device, so that everyone has access to your levels, so like at night we will keep it beside our bed so if anything happens we are alerted and during games the medical staff will have it and during training I think Kelly is mainly going to have it.” you nodded knowing you couldn't speak, the kindness of both women, and seeing how much they more cared and were going to 100% help you caused you to become emotional you felt a single tear roll down your face, causing the pair to panic lightly “You could have a cupboard somewhere else if you wanted or we could show you, your bedroom, it's pretty bare but we had plans to take you shopping so you could decorate it and make it your own,” another tear roll down your face, “are you okay, did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” you shook your head “th-thank you” Beth pulled you in for a hug “it's nothing really” but it was something it was everything, it was perfect. You spent your day moving in.

You set up the cupboard first, you drew a plan of where everything was going to go, detailing it before everything started to get put into the cupboard. Your plan worked very well and the cupboard was very organised and practical. Viv thought it was quite cute, she was going to like this side of you very much. Once you had set up the cupboard you got to go shopping, first you went to the homemaker centre, buying some bedspreads, pillows, and decorations from multiple different shops, to make more room in the car you had to do a pit stop at home, chucking it sll through the front door, before heading back out for lunch, it was the first time Beth and Viv had experienced eating out with Diabetes, well even just eating and diabetes. You were very well practised at it, and helped Beth and Viv learn, showing them how you did everything, you taught them how to estimate carbs, but that differently needed practise on their end, you also showed how you can either your phone or your pod controller to set up the insulin delivery and you even pricked their fingers to test their levels for fun, you liked how they weren’t over cautious about it and how they weren’t treating you differently, and also the fact that they didn’t see it as annoying, really you just liked everything about them. You then went to IKEA to get a desk, a chest of drawers and some other items for your bedroom. Once you got home you set up your room, you were putting your clothes away when you were interrupted by Beth and Viv calling you down for dinner.

“Stuffed capsicums!” You yelled as you walked into the kitchen.

“Inside voice,” “Vivvy, it’s cute, your parents told us they were one of your favourites and we thought after the lunch we had today they would be a good choice, how many do you want?”

“Two please, thank you,” “you’re welcome, if you want we can sit on the couch and watch a movie.” you nodded your head before making your way over to the couch.

“Come in,” Viv said after you knocked on the door, her face dropped when you opened the door and she saw your red puffy eyes, and tear stained cheeks. You had been crying because you were so relieved and happy, and you wanted to thank them again.

“Kleintje, is everything okay?” Viv asked, causing Beth to pop her head out of the bathroom mid teeth brushing, the sight of you caused her to quickly move back to the bathroom rinsing out her mouth before pulling you in for a hug.

“T-thank you, for everything, it was perfect, you didn’t have to do any of it”

“Of course Kleintje,” Viv walked over to the two of you joining in the hug.

“We want you to feel welcomed and comfortable, it is now your house too. But please if you need us for anything at all you can come wake us up, our door is always open.”

“Figuratively, not literally” you giggled slightly at Viv’s comment.

“Let's all go to sleep. Hey. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow” Beth said.

_____

Your second day was a training day, you Beth and Viv arrived early, as you had a few meetings, the first one was with Jonas and Kelly, about everything but also your diabetes, then the medics and some other people, Beth and Viv came with you to all of them. As you sat in the tactical session, you sipped on your apple juice popper as you listened intently, trying to ignore Beth and Steph’s talking, you were one to think tactics were a major part of the game, something else Viv would come to like. You then had a short gym session and then it was lunch, everyone was wondering what it was going to be, you already knew but decided not to tell them, you had been given the menu for the week, to select some things that you would want, so that they could make up a plate for you, ensuring they could tell you the exact amount of carbs. You walked in to find your plate sitting on the bench next to all the other food, it was a chicken burger, on wholemeal bread rather than a burger bun, you also had some snacks. There was a piece of paper next to it that had your name on it and the amount of carbs in each item, including each item of the burger. You picked up your plate and walked over to Beth, who pointed to the table she usually sat at, so you sat down there, waiting for her and others to join you, Kelly soon walked in with your kit, which you accidentally forgot at the meeting, you took it from her gratefully and she told you what would be happening in training so you had some idea of how much you needed to adjust your insulin. You picked up your phone and checked to see what it said your sugars were at, your phone said your sugars were at 90 which was perfect considering your target range was between 80-100, you were unzipping your kit when some of the team came to sit down, Beth sat next to you, Steph, Katie, and Caitlin also sat down. You pulled out your lancing device and pricked your finger, using your metre to confirm your reading before putting the units you needed for the burger into your pod controller.

“Do you mind us asking?” Katie questioned what you were doing.

“Um, I have diabetes, I was diagnosed when I was two, but it means that I have to manually control my blood sugars. My body doesn't do it at all, so I have to calculate the insulin I need for when I eat," "Right,” she nodded her head.

____

You had a few hiccups with your diabetes since living with Beth and Viv, but nothing major, however that was going to change. It was the 60th minute and you felt your body start shaking, the medics hadn’t called a paused or called you over and even thought you felt funny at half time your levels were normal, if anything slightly high, but you knew you were low, not only was your body shaking, but your brain hurt and felt foggy, you were also struggling to not fall over. You knew you needed to get off the pitch soon, before you passed out. A corner gave you the perfect opportunity to tell Beth you were low, you walked up to her, she looked at you confused and concerned.

“L-Low” you managed to say to Beth before you collapsed forward on her, she lowered you to the ground and the ref immediately blew the whistle, the medical team was on the pitch immediately, players from both teams were starting to form a huddle around you, trying to protect you from the media.

They were checking your sugars, as Beth got a Glucagon shot ready, she was ready to go when she got the nod of approval from the medics. Beth injected the shot into you and you were immediately rolled onto your side by the medics, waking up just moments later, in a panicked state, sitting up.

“It’s okay, you passed out from being low, we had to give you a Glucagon, but it’s okay, you’re going to be okay.” Beth said as she rubbed your back.

“S-sta-stay?” you managed to get out eyes wide open with fear.

“Go with her, I’ll tell Jonas,” Beth nodded.

Viv met you and Beth in the medical room, she sat on a chair while Beth sat on the bed with you, you were given some gummy bears as well as an apple juice popper, to try and elevate your levels, you were still shaky and sweaty but your vision was completely clear and the medics and paramedics cleared you, which meant you didn't have to go to the hospital, but Beth and Viv had very strict instructions to take you to the hospital if certain things happened, such as seizures, loss of consciousness and others.

“Do you want to go home now Kleintje?” you nodded as you ate a gummy bear.

_____

You were very nervous for your first camp, for how the staff would handle your diabetes but more so the team. The last game you played for Arsenal was the one you passed out during. You visited your endo after that incident and he had recommended putting tape over your sensor and pod when you played. The sensor had slightly pulled out during your arsenal game and so it wasn't actually reading your blood sugar.

It was your first training session and Beth had helped you, with the supervision of the medical team, put tape around your arms covering your sensor and pod, it was so you could get used to the feeling of it before your first game. You weren't required to have tape over your sensor and pod during training as you had frequent breaks which you could be checked during.

As you warmed up with Lauren Esme and Niamh, Ella and Alessia walked over to you.

“Why do you have tape on your arms?” Ella asked. “Ella you can't just ask that” Mary said as she walked over with Beth, who had overhead the question, so she stood behind you placing her hands on your shoulders. “You don't have to tell them.” Beth whispered in your ear, you did want to tell them but you weren't sure you wanted to tell them right now.

“Oh um,” you were saved by Sarina calling the team over. While Sarina talked one of the medics came over to you, she handed you the phone and you saw your reading, being nodding and sticking your hand out to her, hoping that somehow in the non contact warm up the sensor had moved and that reading wasn't true, as if it was you most likely weren't going to get to do training this morning. You were handed a small container filled with 6 sour worms which told you the reading was true, you opened the container and started to eat them while Sarina kept talking.

“Why don’t we get sour worms?” Ella whined.

“Because you’re not special enough.” you inform her, causing everyone to break out into laughter.

“I like her,” Millie said as she high fived you. Sarina ignored all the commotion, she was obviously used to it and just continued talking. “Y/N could I just talk to you quickly?” she said as you and the girls started to disperse, you nodded and walked over to her.

“Sorry Sarina. I didn’t mean to-” “No, that's not what I wanted to speak about but I appreciate the apology. I wanted to talk to you about telling the girls, is it something you would like to do?”

“Um, yeah I think, I just don’t know how to tell them and like I don't want them to think of me differently”

“That's okay, I think sooner rather than later would be better, maybe today during dinner? During the announcements. Becky could help you, or even Beth or anyone you wanted, I could even just tell them and we wouldn't need to discuss it if you wanted.”

#woso #woso community #woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso imagine #awfc x reader #awfc #arsenal wfc #beth mead x reader #viv miedema #meadema #lionesses x reader

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upthebluess · 4 months

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Opportunities (Arsenal WFC x Teen Reader) P2

In which you get invited back to first team training and really start to feel at home there.

(Part 1 already on my page 🫶)

“Did you score?”

“Were they all nice?”

“Did Katie foul you?”

Questions flooded in from your U16 teammates as you all sat in the gym, doing more talking than excercise.

“Yes, yes and yes” you responded all at once with a grin on your face.

It was early Thursday morning that you found out you’d been invited to train with the first team again, and it was Thursday morning you got to tell your teammates the good news.

“Did you find it really hard?” Another question piled on.

“At first it seemed hard, but once you got into it then it was fine. They train at such a high intensity though I was dying by the end” you answered once again before being interrupted.

“Girls, less talking more lifting!” Your coach called out from the opposite side of the room, having picked his head up from his tactics whiteboard for a moment to notice the lack of sweat dripping from your faces.

A rumble of apologies echoed from throughout the room as each player got on their elected machine and began to work. You however, were on recovery. Your coach said he wasn’t willing to risk any form of muscle strain before you trained.

Mindlessly, you rolled your legs up and down the lumpy cylinder of foam, attempting to get as ready as possible for your session in the afternoon.

Eventually, you were all dismissed from the gym and sent to education, where you spent three torturous hours leaning about the values of nutrition from the head chef. You did get to make smoothies at the end though, which was a bonus.

After that had passed, it was lunchtime. You ate with all your friends at the biggest table before it was time for you to split up.

Most of the girls went to the dome for their indoor training session, and a small few had to go to physio to help re-strengthen some injuries they’d obtained. You joined neither of them.

You and the youth development coach, Dianne, made your way down a few corridors until you made your way outside to the first teams pitches.

Only a few girls were out when you arrived, all laughing and kicking the ball in a rondo. You took this time to sling your backpack from your shoulders onto the grass and pull out your boots.

You slipped your trainers off and boots on, and placed your shin pads under your socks before pulling your joggers back over.

Dianne walked back over to you, “Ok Jonas said that it’s just quick little drills today and then they’re going inside for a wellness session that they’re happy for you to join. You’ll be done by 4:30”, she finished with a smile.

“Alright thank you” you retorted as you dusted the grass off your legs that had evidently just been cut.

“Told you that you’d be back!!” You felt someone pat you twice on the head, and as you turned around you saw Beth walk past you and onto the pitch with Lia, smiles on both their faces.

Just like the day before, you were split into warm up groups and were instructed to move throughout the cones, stretching various muscles in the body. Katie was in your group today though, and took this time to apologise to you for getting a bit too competitive in yesterdays mini tournament.

“You won’t be able to push her around like that for long Macca, she sent you to the shops a couple of times yesterday” Alessia joined in with your playful banter.

“I know I know, she’s a proper little baller, speedy too. What national team do you for again?”

Although your nerves hadn’t completely subsided yet, you felt comfortable enough now to speak freely amongst the girls.

“I play for England U17s currently, but I’m eligible to play for Norway too through my grandparents.” You had finished with your warm up now, and were all told to pick up the cones and re arrange them to play some 2 v 2s.

“Ah shame. You 100% sure you’re not Irish?” Katie winked as she placed the final cone down.

You were in a pair with Lotte, which you enjoyed. She was more of a physical player so it allowed you to show the technical side to your game a lot more.

That was what you were good at. Getting the ball at your feet and manipulating it until you made your way through a bundle of players. It was evident from the start that you were unable to shove players off the ball, but you were more than capable of using your other qualities to do so.

You both won a decent majority of your battles, only losing to Viv and Leah, which you actually thought was an unfair paring.

The goals were only about a metre wide and 3 feet tall in such small duels, but you had definitely managed to bag yourself at least ten and a couple of assists to Lotte.

The training went on to consist of shooting drills and set pieces, before finishing off with games of foot tennis. Having never played foot tennis before, you had to admit it wasn’t your strong suit. But you and Alessia were just as helpless as each other, which you both found unusually hilarious, so it was ok.

Jonas began to wrap training up “Good work today, everyone. I wish you all luck on your international breaks. I expect you now to all go to the wellness department and watch the videos that have been designed to help you cope with busy schedules and stress. After that, you’re free to go. I’ll see you all in a week. Look after yourselves. Big games ahead.” He dismissed you all and went round giving hand shakes and pats on the back to every person on the field.

“Y/N, are you coming with?” Cloe asked as she gave you a high five, she had been a lot more conserved than you’d expected her to be, so far anyway.

“Yeah, I think so. I’ve got some boring nutrition work to do” you replied, switching your footwear again back into trainers.

“Ahh I remember doing that when I was your age. Did you get to make smoothies too?” Lotte joined in.

You laughed in surprise, “yeah, that was pretty much the only fun thing about it.”

Lotte and Leah exchanged a knowing look, having been through the academy themselves.

“Oh by the way, where actually is the wellness department?” you realised how little you actually knew your way around the first team building.

“I’ll show you, kid. Come on” Katie tapped you on the shoulder and referenced for you to walk with her. “How long you been at arsenal then?”

“I’ve been an arsenal fan since I was born but I joined at pre academy U7s, been here ever since” you answered. You couldn’t believe you were having a casual conversation with first team players, as if they were your own teammates.

“Ah born a gunner, sounds like a certain blonde I know. Oi Williamson!” She called out to Leah in front of you.

“What?” She turned around, her thick black headband covering half of her forehead.

“You got some future captain competition here. Been a gunner since 7, that’s 3 whole years before you!” Katie joked.

“I have to actually make it pro first” you added in.

“Oh yeah, I forget you’ve not yet. You will, keep working at this rate and you’ll be stealing game time from me”

You noted how Katie easily found the perfect balance between sarcasm and encouragement. She was a lot nicer than she appeared on the pitch.

The rest of the afternoon was spent sitting in a large room filled with laughter and taylor swift music. Of course, you hadn’t fully fitted in yet, but you were close. Closer than you had anticipated you would be at this stage.

As 4:30pm came around, the December weather was taking its toll and rain was pouring down.

“Jeez look at the rain” Jen exclaimed, looking up from her doodles that she’d drawn rather than finishing her fitness schedule.

Lots of different remarks came from Jen’s comment, but only yours caught the ear of Beth.

“Great, the one day I have to walk home” you had mumbled under your breath. Both your parents were working at that time because they hadn’t yet adjusted to your new training schedule with the team.

“Your walking? In this?” Beth asked a little too loud, it drew more attention to you than you liked.

“Yeah, it’s not far though I’ll be ok,” you gave a dismissive nod as you glanced outside again, convincing yourself more than her.

“No you wont, me and Viv will give you a lift. Where do you live?”

“Uh, Anderson Avenue, the one near the park. But really, you don’t have to” you were dumbfounded. Beth Mead was offering you a lift home, as if you were friends. Maybe you were.

“Don’t be silly, it’s on our way home. If your comfortable listening to another ten minutes of Taylor Swift that is.”

“Honestly it’s no trouble” Viv accompanied.

“If you’re sure?” You we’re reluctant to accept their generous offer but you certainly didn’t fancy central London in the dark, on your own, as a 15 year old girl.

As you lay in bed that night, completely dry thanks to the Meadema’s mercedes, you contemplated what a day you’d just had. You made Alessia Russo practically cry of laughter, you nutmegged Mccabe twice and drove home with two of Arsenal’s finest forwards.

Although you were slightly let down that you now had to wait a week to train again, you reminded yourself that simply gave you more time to progress and impress your own coaches.

You tried not to let your mind get ahead of yourself, but you couldn’t forget what Katie had said earlier:

“You’ll be stealing minutes from me”

Did that mean she thought you’d be offered your pro contract soon? Surely not? At 15?

Time will tell.

#arsenal wfc x reader #arsenal wfc #katie mccabe #alessia russo #leah williamson #beth mead #vivianne miedema #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso community #woso fanfics #women’s football

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buckyalpine · 7 months

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Please please please would you ever think of writing more to wait, what? I love it.

Maybe the group are upset they weren’t their for the wedding so they ask the reader and Bucky to have another one, renewing vows so they call all be there.

Plus the uncle and aunts playing with the baby. Babies first show of super grip.

More babies. How happy Bucky is when she is pregnant again. Maybe twins and they name them after the group; like have a girl so call her Samantha for Sam and a boy who is Nathaniel/Niklaus for nat.

Would love to see Tony as baby 2s godfather. Could totally see him “competing” against Steve. Look I got my Godkid this and that more than steve gave his. Not that it matters as tony fits for best uncle title so he gives everything to baby Stevie anyway :). Etc. Love your writing can’t wait to read your next fic. Anyway How are you? Hope you are well. How do you come up with stories?

YES YES One of my FAVOURITE AUs which I love to keep adding too. I've broken up this ask into parts here:

Wait, what? - 💔🥰 The secret you’ve been keeping from the team can only be hidden for so long (pregnant reader)

Wait, what? 2 - 🔥💔🥰 A little more back story + baby Barnes! (pregnant reader)

I do (again) Wait, what? 3 - 🥰 Everyone missed the first wedding, obviously you have to have another one

Wait, what? More Babies? - 🔥🥰 The family grows with a little new addition

Here is a little drabble with the aunts and uncles being complete menaces because they compete with each other. You shook your head looking at the growing pile of gadgets and toys collecting everywhere. There wasn't a single place where there wasn't a new present from either and aunt or an uncle, your kids spoilt beyond reason.

"Mama look!" Stevie ran into your room with a new shield in hand, proudly showing off the new technology it had been upgraded with from when he first got it. He whistled, grinning when the shield started to rumble before the plates shifted, expanding it to double the size. He had on a special type of watch fitted to his wrist and you couldn't even begin to comprehend what that would lead to.

"Baby, where do we keep all this?"

"In my room!" He scrambled off without looking back, only to have his presence replaced by the twins, each floating into the room with glowing red capes.

"What on earth are you to doing?" You knew better than to try and intervene with whatever it was they were doing, Samantha and Nathaniel giggling while sipping in circles from their latest gift from Aunty Wanda.

"Aunty Wanda charmed it for us!" They squealed, the tiny rocket booster running shoes they had been given from Tony boosting them to the ceiling.

"Get down from there!" You hissed, making your way to the living room to ask each God parent if they were trying to take years away from your life through stress.

"Did you see what I got for the tiny terminators" Tony grinned at Steve, hearing sound of laugher down the hall followed by your exasperated voice. He chuckled when he saw you disheveled form with each twin under your arm, clutching onto them like footballs to keep them from flying off.

"Best. God Father. EVER" Nathaniel grinned while Samantha nodded, trying to squirm from your hold.

"Steve jr got an upgrade too" Steve stated proudly, seeing his god son using his shield to surf down the staircase, causing you to drop one twin and catch your elder son before he face planted onto the floor.

"For F-" You caught yourself before finishing your sentence, both men snickering while you huffed, "I swear, wait till daddy is home" You placed your kids in a pile between their God fathers before going up to take a well deserved bath.

Bucky snorted at the sound of chaos that he heard as he made his way from the gym to your shared bedroom. He didn't want to set food into the living room when his demon spawn and Satan's love child god fathers were together, making his way straight to you instead.

"How are you mama" Bucky whispered softly, seeing the bathroom door left lightly ajar, the scent of lavender filling the room.

"Your children are spoiled Barnes" You peeked one eye open before closing it again, humming when you felt Bucky step into the tub, settling himself behind you.

"And who is spoiling mama?" He smirked, letting a sneaky hand trail down between your legs, kissing the sensitive skin on your neck, "Hm?"

A snap of his fingers was all that was needed to lock the doors and sound proof the walls. He'd already shot a text to Steve before coming to your room.

"You're both babysitting. Code XXX" (and Steve 1000% blushed like mad though Tony cackled and decided to set up a bet on if tonight would make another baby Barnes)

It was going to be a loooong night.

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manicpixiefelix · 3 months

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he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) // epilogue

{ head, heart, hand. masterpost }

Summary: Oliver is haunted by what he's done to get his happy ending in Felix's arms. His guilt is only made worse when he meets the first member of your family to actually remind him of you. Unfortunately, he does not find it to get better from there.

{ context; please read he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) first }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons. YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD IN THIS ONE, but you do get to haunt the narrative. congratulations?

Warnings: discussions of death/overdose, lots of guilt, manipulative oliver, felix being upset, vaguely unhealthy oliver/felix, lotsa angst, oliver quick reckoning with the sunk-cost fallacy.

A/N: 6828 words. first, i don't usually do part 2s when i say something is a oneshot, so this is a rare occurrence. secondly im sorry this is almost 7k there's something wrong with my brain i think. thirdly bro, bro, listen to me; ANGST. HURT NO COMFORT. HURT NO COMFORT. it's soft in the middle THE SOFTNESS IS A LIE. ITS GONNA HURT ALL THE WAY DOWN (apart from nana i love her nd i hope you will too)

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

One hour and fifty three minutes.

Rounded up, because all things considered, he should round it up, that's two hours.

Two hours. Like the blink of an eye in the scope of a whole life. But a very long time when you sit and count it out.

One hundred and twenty minutes. Seven thousand, two hundred seconds. He's always counting two hours, seeing exactly how long it feels like, how he can fill that amount of time. Seconds pass like a steady heartbeat.

He can do a lot in two hours.

Oliver tries to occupy himself nowadays more than ever, and really tries not to be alone, but it's hard. Farleigh left for Oxford. Venetia, before she decided to backpack across Europe and find herself, wouldn't let anyone touch her anymore.

Oliver doesn't like leaving Felix alone, but sometimes he has to be. You're laying cold in a family crypt somewhere next to a grandfather you never knew, and while Elspeth and Sir James don't comment on it, they both scowled when your parents sprung the announcement on everyone at the funeral.

Felix spends a lot of time alone at the edge of the maze. He's making a fairy garden where you had waited. Sometimes he'll drive into town without telling anyone, and come back with quaint, second-hand miniatures to add. It's beautiful, shining with greens and golds when the setting sun hits it just right.

So Oliver finds time to occupy himself, when he's alone and all he can think about is you sitting by the maze. You laying by the maze. You alive when he'd run from the maze. And the two hours that followed.

Sometimes he leans out of his window and shouts to the gardeners so far away they look like ants; even at this distance, his voice carries, and he sees them turn, search for him, ask if he's okay. He is, and he apologises, and he think about how far his voice carries.

On occasion, out of the blue, he'll lift Felix up when he hugs him, able to get his feet off the ground as Felix wriggles and clutches him out of surprise. Of course Felix lifts him with ease in return, spins him around, but that's not the point. Oliver is stronger than he looks; he wonders if he could lift you, could carry you far, if he could have dragged you if it had come to it.

Some nights he wakes up in a fright, your rapid heart rate beneath his fingers and he swears he could hear you whispering for help amid your shallow breathing. Please. Pleading. Begging. You were alive when he'd left you. He presses two finger to Felix's pulse point beside him, and tries to calm his breathing, to focus on Felix's slow, steady heartbeat.

And some days he sneaks into the computer room and curses how long webpages take to load when he looks up statistics on overdoses. Symptoms. Niche forums where he can learn what it felt like from survivors. People luckier than you. Their words, their stories, the recollections of those horrifying sensations stick with him, even as he diligently erases any trace of his browsing history.

And he thinks about how fucking long two hours is.

"Nan's coming over later," Felix tells Oliver idly one Sunday afternoon, "we're having tea of you'd like to join us." They're laying out in the grass, Oliver in the grass finding shapes in the clouds, Felix on his side, chewing on the stick of a lollypop he'd finished an hour ago and gently tracing abstract patterns on Oliver's chest.

"I thought you said your granny haunted Saltburn," when Oliver looks at Felix, he still can't help the way his heartrate picks up. Felix Catton touching him in the most gentle, caring way; he'd never stop feeling lucky for getting here, and never forget what he did to earn it.

Felix's gaze moves with his fingertips, up Oliver's warm, bare chest, twisting two fingers in the delicate chain around his throat. He looks pensive; but shakes his head after a beat.

"Different nan," he says distractedly, plastic straw trapped between his teeth. He tugs the chain experimentally, like he's forgotten it's attached to Oliver at all. He's in his head again; Felix is always in his head nowadays, but there's still often echoes of who he was, echoes of what Oliver has fallen for in the first place.

And he's finding himself falling more and more for this version of Felix too. So he tell himself that it was all worth it.

"Love," all these pet names - Love, Darling, Sweetheart - because if he slips up, tries to call him Fi, Oliver knows he'll only get ice in return, "is everything okay?" Oliver carefully reaches up to cover Felix's large, warm hand by his throat with his own. Felix meets his gaze, and gives a faint smile, an attempt to reassure him when he says he's fine. It doesn't work, but Oliver lets it go, and lets Felix tug him in by his chain for a kiss.

"Tea sounds lovely," Oliver murmurs against his lips.

There's something about this visit has Felix alive and buzzing the he way he hasn't in a very long time. Still he's quiet, but his eyes are bright as he follows behind the staff members setting up tea and biscuits in the garden. He goes through all the DVDs the family has and picks out a stack he thinks would be suitable, making sure they're all perfectly stacked by the DVD player. Oliver floats along behind him, and simply allows himself to admire Felix's energy.

Still, Felix finally takes a moment to breathe right as it becomes noon, and decides to have a bath to freshen up before his guest's arrival; two hours before she'd be here, Felix reminds him.

Two hours.

Oliver feels drawn to his own room. He doesn't allow himself to be alone in Saltburn often anymore, doesn't like the thoughts that crop up when he does. Perhaps it's a kind of punishment, a painful reminder, penance for what he's done.

There's a scrap of paper that he keeps tucked in a book in his nightstand, his own handwriting stuffed amongst a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's short stories, words he'd clung to and scribbled out the minute he'd gotten the chance so he'd never forget them exactly.

From the coroner's report, according to Duncan and Sir James. Time of Death; around 2am. Cause; narcotics overdose, and there were signs of alcohol poisoning.

On the back, he'd written '12:07'.

"Mum and dad both say it was a tragic accident," Felix's voice in the dead of night, the night they'd gotten the full report, riddled with guilt and unspilled tears, betrays his disbelief regarding the sentiment. Felix doesn't talk about how his last words to you were shouted with anger. Felix doesn't talk about how your last words to him were a desperate plea for him through tears. Felix doesn't think that it was an accident; only Oliver knows that he's almost right, just not in the way he thinks. Or dreads. But he has to bite his tongue on the truth, and let the man he loves live with this unjust guilt.

The water starts loudly draining for the tub, and Oliver isn't sure how long he's been sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes squeezed so tightly shut, but he scrambles to stuff the page back into the book, and toss it back into it's drawer. He can smile again, and admire whatever outfit Felix chooses for the rest of the day, and pretend like he doesn't feel your rapid heartbeat or hear your shallow breathing every time he touches that paper, like he had the night he left you.

With the hour drawing ever closer to two, Felix keeps checking his watch. The minute he deems it to be time, he gives up all pretence of small talk - which had been another thing severely lacking as of late - and snatches Oliver's hand, pulling him through the house. They even outstripped Duncan and the footmen by the door when there comes a firm knock. Its the only time Oliver has ever seen any of the Cattons open the doors for themselves.

And it's not Felix's grandmother.

"Hi, nan," Felix sounds so genuinely happy as he hugs the older woman at the door with a warm smile and your eyes.

Oliver feels like he's frozen, like he's seeing a ghost. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Duncan actually standing aside, giving Felix and your grandmother a quietly fond smile.

"I swear you get taller every time I see you, oh, my lovely boy," she says with a warm laugh that sounds so damn familiar, "or maybe I've been shrinking, you get to my age and people tend to do that," and Felix laughs, actually fucking laughs. Oliver realises it's been a long time since he'd heard Felix give a proper laugh like that. As the hug ends, Felix let's her tuck her arm in his as she continues, "just you wait, one day you'll only be six-foot tall." Another laugh, and Oliver can see how genuine and broad he's smiling, how his eyes shine when their gazes meet. She's surprisingly sprightly for her age, it seems. Oliver recognises your grandmother from your funeral, but hadn't made the connection at the time, so he's surprised when Felix goes to introduce him and her eyes sparkle with recognised.

"Nan, I don't know if you've been properly introduced, but this is -"

"Your Darling, Oliver," and it's said with such warmth; her hug feels almost like home, "you strange, little thing," she laughs, "it's called a hug; are you not a hugger? I should have asked," but she doesn't apologise, nor does she let go for a few more beats. Oliver gives into this moment, closes his eyes tightly and hugs her back.

"Our Darling Oliver," Felix echoes with such admiration, and when Oliver opens his eyes, it's the first time since you'd passed where his gaze has held only the love and pride Oliver had been craving since he'd first laid eyes on him.

Once Nana - she'd insisted Oliver call her that too - lets him go, she tucks her arm in his, and is waving Felix over to her other side, briskly asking where tea was to be held. Duncan leads the way and she fawns over him too, apparently downright overflowing with love for Saltburn and everyone and everything in it. She talks more than she doesn't, but considering who Oliver is and who Felix has become, that suits them both just fine.

It's been too long since they've had tea together, she insists, and doesn't talk about why exactly that would be. She doesn't bring you up, not while you were all making your way through the house, but once she's settled outside, she takes a moment. The way she looks at Oliver in this moment makes him queasy; the smile, that look in her eyes, the way her gaze takes all of him in. A woman, whose time is so precious to her, taking her time to make him feel seen. Felix is quiet, intrigued by the exchange.

Your phantom heart beats beneath Oliver's fingertips.

"You're Y/N's grandma," Oliver says quietly, breaking the tension. Present tense still, they all play pretend. She smiles, and finally leans back. The moment is broken; Felix pours them each a cup of tea. Nana takes a jammy dodger and looks over the gardens with a smile.

"Of course, dear," she says sincerely, taking a bite of the biscuit, but being so eager to talk that she spoke through half a mouthful, "and when they were thirteen they told me I was Felix's grandmother too, because they'd overheard Felix's mum talking about how she hoped they'd get married some day." Felix snorted a laugh at that, turning pink around the ears as he prepared everyone's tea, as if on autopilot.

"Does that -" Oliver begins awkwardly, but he tries to smile, "do you think in time, they would have ask the same of you about me?"

"Considering how they spoke about you," there's a twinkle in your Nan's eyes as she turns back to him, smile knowing, "there's absolutely no doubt in my mind, my dear." All you had ever done was love him; love him and stand in the way of the love he desperately craved.

Oliver watches his tea for a long while, spinning the ornate cup on its matching saucer, while your Nana almost immediately picked hers up and took a tentative sip. Watching out of the corner of his eyes, Oliver notes the way her face goes on a journey of emotions, from pleased, to confused, to a sudden realisation as she looks to her cup.

"I should have asked you how you liked your tea," Felix realises too late, apology in his voice as Nana puts her cup down with a forlorn, yet fond look.

"No, darling, it's nice to know you know how my grandchild liked their tea," and she holds her cup delicately, looking into it's warm, brown depths, "just the same as I always made it for both of us when they were much, much younger."

"I am so sorry to ask," Oliver hears himself blurt out, unable to help himself, "but how does all this love just skip a generation?" It comes out far worse than he intends it to; he means to ask how someone so loving as you come from parents so uncaring, yet how did either of those parents turn out the way they did when the woman in front of him was clearly bursting with just as much love as you had been. Thankfully, instead of being offended, your grandmother laughs.

"My daughter is a wonderful, intelligent, compassionate, impressive woman," she begins, but sighs with unmistakable disappointment, "but my late husband was never capable of even trying to be a father over pursuing his own interests, and it's one of the few traits she actually inherited from him," she shook her head, "and she went on to fall in love with a man who loved her but suffered from that exact same defect," after a beat, she looked up with a warm, reassuring smile, "it's why I love Y/N so fiercely, and so hard," her grin turns soft and adoring, looking between the two boys before her, "the only way my daughter has ever disappointed me is as a mother, but I will never be disappointed in Y/N as my grandchild."

Oliver knows there's tears in his eyes, and Felix has ducked his head. Immediately Nan begins apologising, realising she'd set both of them off. Despite this, Oliver tries to wave her away, insisting it's fine, before he asks about her; he's heard bits and pieces he thinks, but Y/N had always been so cagey about their family. Honestly he's surprised that your grandmother knows so much about him when he feels like he's barely heard about her.

Despite turning out to be an incredibly decorated artist, with paintings selling for more than Oliver's pretty sure his own family's house is worth, your Nana is quick to downplay her own successes, simply insisting that it took decades of hard work. Again, he sees you in her eyes.

"We've got a few up around the house," Felix adds, "most of them actually from before we even met Y/N," and your Nana gives him a shove, as if flustered and embarrassed by the idea. But Felix is beaming, happy to be showing off her accomplishments, just as he always took joy in celebrating you; "there's one in your room."

"What?" Oliver asked, and your grandmother also seemed surprised, though touched by the thought.

"It used to be their room, actually, but Ollie moved in there, so Y/N was staying with me," he explains a little awkwardly, wanting to skim around as many implications as he could. Thankfully she doesn't comment. All she asks is which one. Felix and Oliver both think about the room; Felix about the few pieces of art on the walls, Oliver about your time of death in the drawer. You were alive when he left you -

"That one of the stars, and that person smoking; I think you actually gave it to them as a gift," he frowns for a beat, "for when they turned seventeen, I think?"

Oh, Oliver knows that one. It's enchanting, blues so deep, so rich it's like you could swim in them, stars that seemed to actually glow on the canvas, and the hazy, dark outline of the window in the foreground, and part of a figure against the windowsill, lit cigarette the lone spot of fire, of red or orange, that makes everything else warmer for it.

"That one really surprised me actually," Nana admits, giving Felix a shrew smile, though he only seems confused, "did they ever tell you anything about it?"

"Said you painted it for them; pretty sure I remember them crying about it," he says fondly, reminiscing, "one of the best gifts they ever got, I'm not lying, they say it every year. It's beautiful." Then, as if recalling what she'd actually said, he looks at her curiously, "surprised you?"

Her smile widened into something both knowing, and endeared.

"I asked them to send me a photo, a postcard, their very best drawing, anything, as long as it was their favourite place in the world - do you really not recognise it?" The tea and biscuits are gone by now, the tea portion of their afternoon is coming to a close. Felix shook his head, almost looking like a lost child, as if he was aware there was something he was supposed to be understanding but couldn't quite get it, "Felix, my dear boy, they sent me a photo of you; that's their dorm room window from boarding school."

Felix looks winded, and a bit like he's about to cry.

"Oh you two were impossibly sweet," she reaches over and holds his hand tightly, looking over to Oliver earnestly, "you take care of this dear boy and his heart, you hear me?"

"Yes," Oliver all but trips over his words to agree, "of course, nan." And she gives him a pleased grin.

They move indoors after this, Felix quiet but lending his arm to Nana, which she takes, while she explained that usually you and Felix would visit a few times a year when they were on break, but she thought it would be best to come to Saltburn this time, given the circumstances.

"You should come see the place when you get the chance," she insisted, patting Oliver's hand.

"It's mostly where Y/N was raised before they ended up staying at Saltburn," Felix supplied with a grin, piquing Oliver interest.

"Y/N's childhood home? Oh I have to see that," he grins, and your grandmother grins brightly for a long moment.

"I'm sure Y/N would love that, they can give you the grand tour -" but her face falters, falls, as if she'd just remembered. Sombre silence, the spell is broken. "I'd love to have you around, dear," she corrects, much softer this time.

Felix lets her pick a movie, while Oliver settles himself awkwardly on the sofa. He wants to reach out to Felix, to touch his cheek, feel his boyish smile and know that it's real. But Felix isn't really even looking at him. There's something childlike about his enthusiasm here, about how he sits on his knees on the floor, watching with rapt attention as your grandmother pores over them. He practically glows as she praises his choices. When she picks one, she hands it over and he scrambles on all fours across the short floor space to the DVD player, fumbling with the case like he can't put it in fast enough. There's a softness in your grandmother's eyes as she watches the boy who has seemingly forgotten the man he is; when she looks at Oliver, its like he sees her asking how easy is he to adore, what a beautiful young man.

"You don't mind watching a movie do you, Oliver, dear?" She asks, though it's clearly an afterthought. He's already shaking his head, assuring her it's fine. Felix is already scrambling back, remote in hand. Oliver tries to make space for him on the sofa between himself and your Nana, but he seems content to sit on the floor in front of her, leaning back against the sofa with her knees gently pressed against either of his shoulders. Handing her the remote, Felix twists to give Oliver an expectant smile.

"Come here, mate," he insists, patting his lap, his legs kicked out in front of him. At Oliver's obvious confusion, Felix blinks for a few moments. It's like he's waking from a dream. His face falls, he goes to apologise, strained smile on his face, "sorry, I know that's weird, you don't have to -"

Slowly, Oliver moves from the sofa, sitting beside Felix on the floor. Your grandmother's knee is pressed gently to his back, but he's not quite sure if he's capable of relaxing enough in this moment to mind. She's playing with Felix's hair, having already started the movie.

"This is what you and Y/N would do," Oliver said softly, and rested his head on Felix's shoulder. Felix takes his hand, and laces their fingers together.

"Do you like it when people play with your hair, Oliver?" Your grandmother asks idly.

"Um, sometimes," he answers, still feeling rather awkward. He hears her chuckle warmly.

"It's okay if you don't want me to; Felix likes it so much he lets me braid it when it's long like this."

"Oh, I know Felix loves it," Oliver hears himself agree, "if he were a cat he'd be the kind to purr any time someone scratched between his little cat ears." And while both he and your grandmother share a fond laugh, he can hear Felix's smile in his words. He gives Oliver's hand a squeeze.

"I can't even argue; I wish I could purr right now."

Oliver wants to bottle this moment forever, keep it locked tight in his chest.

But the movie is a long one. One hour and fifty six minutes. Two hours rounded up. A whole two hours. Enough time to fall asleep with his head in Felix's lap the way they both said you used to. He wakes with your heartbeat in his ears, rapid, alive, left for dead.

"You okay buddy?" Felix looks at him with genuine love and concern; it's been such a long time since he'd seen that look, even with everything that had been happening, "I'm here, you're okay," he assured. Over by the television, putting the remote back, your grandmother glances over at the interaction with a warmth that makes Oliver feel queasy in this moment.

And he'll look up from the book, from his notes from the coroner's report crammed in, obscuring the end of one story while The Tell-Tale Heart begins on the other. Felix will be getting ready for bed in the other room, but he won't sleep there. He can't sleep there. Can't sleep in that bed without you, can't move the costumes from that night that hang side by side as a reminder of the hole you'd left behind in his life. Oliver will read approximately two am in his own messy handwriting, and look at the digital clock on his bedside that had read 12:07 when he'd crashed into his room and locked the door and sunk down against it. The numbers had been shining red in the darkness. On the wall behind, that starry night sky and the hint of Felix and his cigarette; a home you'll never return to hung up in the home you'll never truly leave.

He put enough coke in that bottle to kill a fucking lion. He'd given you the bottle. He'd told you he loved you. He'd left you like that.

He knew you were dying.

He'd left you alive.

Two hours.

The book snaps shut. In the silence he thinks he hears your breathing. Please, Ollie, help. Paranoia is a cruel thing, he has to tell himself; paranoia and guilt.

"Can I ask you something?" Felix joins him just as he's putting the book back in it's drawer. Oliver, heart beat racing - never as fast as the memory of yours, oh now it's all he can think about again - nods quickly. Felix sits on the end of the bed, clearly preoccupied, fussing with the buttons of his pyjama shirt. The days are getting cooler now; Oliver misses his bare skin against his, but he still feels too precarious to make such an observation.

"It's about Y/N," Felix swallows, can't meet his eyes, "about that night." Oliver feels his mouth go dry; the worst fucking night of his life. The night he doesn't know if he'll ever figure out if he regrets all he'd done.

He nods again.

"Were you the last person they spoke to?" It's like Felix is forcing himself to not shy away from this moment, giving Oliver the attention he thinks he deserves for such an important question. Then, after swallowing hard, he can't help but drop his gaze, "why," he can barely get it out, there's already a lump in his throat, "didn't they come into the maze too?" Oliver can't even give him that.

You'd been such a mess on your way to the maze, even with Oliver supporting you. Crying, furious, apologetic; you were everything at once. Even when you couldn't bring yourself to go in, everything about you had been sliding from one emotion to the next. But then it had stopped.

"I can wait for Fi here." It's the most sure that he'd seen you all night. It's when he knew. It had to be you, even if he loved you too. He'd never forget how clear your smile was, how sincere you'd urged him into the maze to follow the tail of what he thought was right. The sight of you, waiting, obedient and loyal for your master to return; "I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

Oliver knew before he'd even entered the maze that Felix's return to you would be too late.

In the present, Felix waits too, diligent, expectant. Oliver thinks about lying. Oliver thinks about how the truth will break his heart. Oliver thinks about how close Felix will hold him in his guilt riddled grief.

"I don't think they wanted to interrupt -" Oliver tries to start, but Felix immediately swears, hangs his head.

"Can't fucking believe I did that," he spits, "I was angry, and off my fucking face, sure, but that was fucking low, even for me," he admitted, pitching himself back on the bed, whole face scrunched up with guilt, barking out an upset fuck far louder than the others, prompting to Oliver to tentatively ask what he means. Felix took a moment, as if forcing himself to calm down, before he admits, voice low like he was sharing a secret, "I never even took Eddie into the maze," he sighed. After a beat, he conceded, "no, okay I did, but we didn't do anything - we made out a bit, but -"

"You didn't fuck you ex-boyfriend in the maze," Oliver connected the dots quickly, "but you did fuck your best friend's ex-not-girlfriend who you kind of stole from them, out of spite after kicking them out of your the bed you've been sharing all Summer?"

"Fucking hell, Ollie!" Felix sounds especially wounded when he lays it all out like that.

"Sorry," immediately, Oliver apologises, knot in his stomach when he hears Felix's pained tone. He wonders if this was what it was like for you all through the night of his birthday. Fuck, he can't think about that.

"No, but you're right," Felix admits, eyes finally opening, looking all hurt and vulnerable. Oliver lays himself down next to Felix, going the other way, both of them looking up at the ceiling. Oliver's hands rest on his chest, trying again, softer this time.

"So was a special place to them?" He gets no response other than a guilty nose from Felix, "you think that's why they wanted to wait by the entrance?"

"They wanted to wait for me," Felix says weakly, clearly in his head about that night once more, "didn't want to interrupt even as I was fucking defiling our-" but he catches himself turning bitter again, mouth snapping closed, "after everything I said that night," he mumbles, "fucking hell," he chokes out. The pain in his voice is audible. This is the sweet spot, Oliver thinks.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver whispers amid Felix's faint sobs.

"What?"

"You asked me what their last words were," Oliver told him as softly as he could manage; Felix sits up, eyes wide, distraught, so full of guilt and love and - "only thing they were properly coherent about; waiting for you," Oliver props himself up, reaches out to wipe a tear from Felix's cheek.

"You're not- Ollie, please tell me you're not kidding," Felix practically begs.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver reiterates, making sure to meet Felix's gaze as he holds his face, "'s the last thing they said- they said; I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

God he can see it in Felix's eyes; it's like the man's entire world crashes down around him. But he clings just as Oliver had hoped he would. As Felix holds him tightly, Oliver can't look at the glaring, red numbers of the clock on his bedside, the constant reminder of the two hours where he could have done something. Two hours and those wouldn't have been your last words.

He looks at the painting. At the stars. At Felix and his cigarette and your idea of what home looks like. The stars look just like they did that night. Just as bright. Oliver closes his eyes. Guilt twists people into shapes they don't often recognise; Oliver just holds Felix, hopes they twist into something together.

Except Oliver's guilt isn't the kind that twists, it's the kind that bites. It's like moths, eating him from the inside out. The guilt leaves him with jagged edges and thoughts he'd rather not be having; there are shades of Felix Catton that he loves, but shame and revulsion bites just behind the guilt as the months pass and he realises more and more this is not what he wanted. This is not the Felix he wanted.

Felix is like an echo, like the sun without it's warmth; he can look just the same, smile, talk, charm just the same if it was required of him, but there was something clearly missing from every interaction. Guests to Saltburn would pull his parents aside and ask if everything was alright. He is, but he is not the same as he once was.

Every day Oliver looks in the mirror and sees something grotesque behind his eyes that no-one else seems to notice. Felix Catton was meant to be the prize, the one who tossed aside everything but the best, the one who made the world fight for his attention, and feel heartbroken when he merely looked the other way. After all this, Felix Catton was not someone Oliver expected to be bored by.

Oliver Quick had lied for, lied to, betrayed the trust of, worked to gain the trust back of, loved, made fall in love with him, and literally murdered the love of his life who he also loved and was themselves also in love with Oliver while still considering Felix the love of their life, just to get a chance to spend his life by Felix fucking Catton's side. He wasn't allowed to not want this.

Felix smiles at him, says he loves him, fucks him, but it's not the dream Oliver once had. Something is always missing. No. Oliver deliberately took that thing away. But he can never admit that, nor can he ever regret that; too far gone. Oliver doesn't want to talk about the past, Felix can't being himself to talk about the future. Trapped together in the present, living lives that no longer feel like enough. Their routine becomes suffocating. Even Venetia, the few times she's stopped back at Saltburn, can barely manage a disdainful look, as if merely inconvenienced by Oliver's presence.

The growing apathy of the estate and it's occupants is exhausting. The cost of this lifestyle has long since surpassed it's value. He's even bored of being haunted. Two hours feels like fucking nothing when the days drag on the way they have been. Behind his eyelids he doesn't see you begging for help, you hiss for him to run, to get out.

He should have listened.

"Ollie, can I show you something I found?" Felix sounds bright today, and though Oliver wants to roll his eyes at the idea of anything in this house being new or novel enough to show off, he smiles back instead.

"'course Felix, what is it?"

Except Felix isn't smiling at him. Felix is looking far more serious and determined, sitting on the edge of their shared bed. Oliver immediately frowns.

"Have you been hiding something from me, Ollie?" It's a trap; a forced confession. Oliver shakes his head, plays dumb. Felix takes a deep breath, the kind that shifts his whole body, his expression remaining firm, "before I show you this thing, I want you to be honest with me; you promised you wouldn't lie to me anymore, you remember?" Oliver tries to lighten the mood, leaning against the window with a warm smile.

"Of course, my lovely Felix, no more lying," he assures, but the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with the way Felix remains quiet.

"What's seven-past-twelve mean?" Felix is watching him closely; too closely. Scrutinising his every move. It's like Oliver's been doused in ice water, even his tongue frozen in his mouth, "and what's it got to do with what happened on the night of your birthday?"

Felix doesn't even look at the night table as he opens it; his gaze is solely on Oliver. It's clear he'd done this before, pulling out the book, flicking through it's pages, and pulling the delicate, incriminating piece of paper out from where it had been safe for so many months.

"Felix, I-"

"What does twelve-oh-seven mean?"

Oliver is the deer again, trapped in Felix's accusatory gaze. For just a moment, Felix's voice drops, pleading with him for some other explanation, that Oliver wasn't somehow caught up in what happened, more closely, more malevolently than he'd ever said -

"Tell me," there's tears in his eyes, the furious kind, the ones where he's desperate to love and hope against all odds, "Oliver," he pleads through gritted teeth, "tell me you didn't know."

"Know what?" Oliver's voice is a hoarse whisper; he knows he is caught, all he has left now is borrowed time and a desperately silver tongue he doesn't know if he can rely on anymore. But Oliver's tragically weak denial is enough for Felix to all but jump to the right conclusion.

In a rush, Felix has Oliver by the collar of his shirt, pressed to the window -

"You knew they were dying and you fucking left them there."

This is the tipping point, the end of whatever good this had been. Felix could hurt him, Felix had hurt countless people on your behalf, he'd seen it himself. But Felix had always been the bleeding heart; you were the one who had to be kept on a leash. Felix could hurt him, could probably maim him for what Oliver was about to say, but he never shared your stomach for true Machiavellianism.

"Of course I knew," Oliver managed coldly, despite Felix attempting to crush all the air from him, "the amount of coke I gave them in that champagne could have killed a rhino-" it needed to be unforgiveable, the confession, so Felix would let him leave, would never want to see him again. He hadn't expected the force of Felix's rage to have the glass behind him give out.

Oliver falls from the second story window into the hedge garden below. Felix's shouting is tearing through the whole house it seemed, making his way downstairs, while Oliver tries to regain his breath and figure out if anything's broken. He's pretty sure it's not, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt as Felix drags him by his feet from the hedges, demanding at the top of his lungs that Oliver get the fuck out of Saltburn.

Every single person who'd been in the house comes outside to view the commotion, to see Oliver struggling to his feet, to get away from Oliver. Elspeth looks helplessly between the two boys, wondering what happened -

"Tell her what you did," Felix demanded, once more getting into Oliver's space, jabbing at his chest, "tell her what the fuck you just told me -" and Oliver's strength isn't insignificant, but Felix is in a fury, flooded with rage and adrenaline, and he grabs the back of Oliver's shirt like he's scuffing a cat, shoving him towards his mother like an offering. Oliver struggles because he feels like he has to, feels wild, feels feral, but it's the most of anything he's gotten from Felix in so long. His mouth stays shut, won't give him the satisfaction of a confession.

"He killed them," Felix doesn't even let Oliver have his power play before he grows bored. He shoves Oliver just a little, grip unyielding despite Oliver's best efforts, like he means nothing to him. Elspeth and Sir James are confused, looking between them both, but Felix isn't done with stringing Oliver up for all of Saltburn to see, "Y/N; he intentionally dosed their drink and left them to die outside the maze."

The Catton parents immediately look crestfallen; it's the first time in months Oliver's felt genuine guilt again. Oliver stops fighting. Felix lets him go. Elspeth asks him if this is true; that heartbroken hope is going to make him sick.

"Just send me away already," he drops his head.

"Oliver," Elspeth's voice is firmer this time; when he looks up, she's stepping towards him, tears in her eyes despite how hard she's clearly trying to hold herself together, "is Felix telling the truth?" Is this it? Is this the final gate to his freedom from Saltburn.

"Yes."

Elspeth slaps him so hard her ring draws blood. Oliver hadn't thought that was even possible, but his head is ringing from the collision.

"Get. Out." She hisses with absolute malice as he's hunched over, clutching his face. Felix is by his mother's side in a heartbeat, arm around her, looking at Oliver with contempt. Behind them, Sir James is ordering Duncan and the other staff members to get Oliver off of the property as quickly as possible, but the look in Elspeth's eyes is burning, "this is my family, you monster."

At first, it almost feels worth it to leave Saltburn. To leave the Cattons and their bullshit and their games behind. He thinks he knows them well enough to trust that they don't want the kind of scandal a murder on their hands would be, and for the most part, he's right.

It's not the Cattons who haunt him after Saltburn, though they may be pulling the strings. It's you. It's you sitting on Felix's bed in his dorm room reading every single detail of Michael Gavey's file with threats on your tongue. It's the casual way you talked about being able to access his academic files to change his grades if he wanted. It's you, tipsy at Saltburn, admitting that you got Eddie transferred without his consent to a university on the other side of the country after he cheated on Felix with Venetia.

There's no place for Oliver to return to at Oxford... He's not entirely surprised about that, however, there's also apparently no record of him ever attending. Any calls or enquiries he makes are shut down with the kind of immediacy that seemed reserved for shows about government conspiracies. When applications open for other universities, it seems websites shut down the minute he fills out his damn name. Nowhere in the world seems willing to consider him.

Having him audited seems like overkill. When it happens the next year, despite no employer willing to even consider him for an interview, the existential dread of his situation sets in.

Felix never had the stomach to finish the job; he'd let you haunt Oliver forever.

#felix catton x reader x oliver quick #saltburn x reader #felix catton x reader #saltburn imagine #felix catton imagine #felix catton x y/n #felix catton x you #oliver quick x reader #oliver quick x you #oliver quick x y/n #oliver quick imagine #head heart hand fic #manic writer

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appleblueberry-pie · 1 month

Note

Thank you for answering my sick reader request. Can I please ask for a part 2 wherein Yandere Nanami nurses his sick darling back to health and by the end of their sickness they at least trust them enough to sleep and cuddle beside them

I don't really like doing part 2s because I love seeing ppl suffer from cliffhangers, but I'll do it this one time.

And Let Yourself Heal

You don't find anything to say as Kento continues to be patient with you. This morning, he was up before you to cook you a warm breakfast. When you opened your already exhausted eyes, he was standing at your bedside with a wide tray of warm breakfast. He gently fed you every single mouthful, making sure you slowly chewed each bite, and even let you have a glass of strawberry lemonade since you insisted on one.

He tucked you under the sheets once more when you felt the urge to go back to sleep. And he was there when you woke up again midday to help bring you to the bathroom to clean yourself up. For once, he was actually respectful of your space and let you do what you needed without him hovering over you this time. He said he didn't want you stressed over nothing and how it's bad for a healing body to be pushed to its limits.

When you finished with your bathroom routine and got into freshly washed clothes, he had your favorite tv show on and had you sit on the couch with a cup of unsweetened tea to help your hunger before he finished with lunch. All of this for you. It almost seemed like he was overdoing it for you, but when you looked into his eyes, you could tell he meant every gesture from the heart. His sleeves have been rolled up since the morning and he doesn't plan to relax until the sun goes down and it's time for you to go to bed once more.

Your mind was clouded with judgement with how Kento was treating you, and couldn't focus on the show. Instead, you watched him chop the fruits and vegetables on the cutting board. He seemed to try and perfect every cut he made for the fruit so you can enjoy it to the fullest without any problems when eating it. And the vegetables were minced nicely before they went into the heated skillet. The aroma floating through the kitchen into the living room settled your heart in ways you didn't feel was possible.

Kento turned his head to check on you before double taking when he sees you already staring at him. A nervous smile spreads on his face as he brings you the chopped fruit. "You pestered me about getting these the last time I went grocery shopping, so I decided to get them for you this time. Take your time with these, please." He gently informs you, placing the bowl of fruit on the table in front of you before leaving back into the kitchen.

You felt conflicted by the time dinner started. You were sure Kento hasn't eaten all day and has been putting all of his time and energy into taking care of you. You really shouldn't feel like this, but you were worried. Worried he was taking it too far for you and for himself. You watch him carefully organize a bite on the plate onto the eating utensil with a small smile on his face before showing it to you for you to eat. You hesitate at first, but still take the bite, slowly chewing. "Are you alright? Is it not to your liking? More salt?" You shake your head and let him wipe the corner of your mouth with a napkin.

"Then what is it?" He mutters and gives you your cup of water. You hesitate to tell him, but then settle for telling him the half truth. "Maybe a little more garlic next time." He nods in appreciation and gathers another bite for you. When you blink, it's bedtime. For some reason, he always seemed to know when you naturally get drowsy at night, and makes that your scheduled bedtime. He's currently folding the covers underneath your chin for you to be the most comfortable when you sleep. His steady hands carefully take in every detail of the sheets to make sure you're alright.

You turn your back to him, closing your eyes to finally rest. When he finishes, he sits back up and rests is hands on his lap with a content sigh. You were way more compliant than any other time he's tried to take care of you. Maybe you were finally turning over a new stone, allowing him to show you the love you deserve and need. He stares at you from a distance, the distance he's always wanted to close. And without thinking, his hand raises back up on its own and gently rubs at your back. But you don't do anything. You didn't seem to tense up at all when he did this and Kento felt his heart leap with excitement.

Without trying to bother you, he decides to try and push it further. He waits a few moments and stops touching you before scooting closer to you. Nothing. With gentle movements, he lays down on the same side you're laying on and stares at your backside. And if he stares long enough, he'll realize that this is exactly how it looks in his dreams to lay in bed with you. This is genuinely all he's ever wanted. He refuses to ruin this moment by touching your waist or arms. He'll wait until you allow him to move closer to you. Allow him to touch your face, your sides when you're awake. And maybe then, he will have your consent to make the relationship bloom into something even more.

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tears-of-amber · 8 months

Text

Tarot Lessons I Wish Someone Had Taught Me:

The Major Arcana is NOT ISOLATED from the Minor Arcana in its symbolism. They are INTERCONNECTED. They give context to each-other. For example, the High Priestess is the 2nd card of the Major Arcana, and rules all the 2s in the Minor Arcana. This applies to so many cards. Plus, the symbolism like flowers, fruits, emblems, colors, etc. are inseparable from each-other.

If your question is super complex, its typically good to break it down into separate questions or aspects of the question, pulling a card for each aspect.

Death is not literal death. Its actually one of my favorite cards to get because its about the end of a cycle, and the rebirth into something different. I know its my zodiac's card (im a scorpio) but i like it for more reasons than that.

The cards are neither uplifting, nor should they make you despair. Think of it this way. A certain card might be a great card to pull in one situation, and a very negative card in others. ITS ALL ABOUT CONTEXT.

LINE THE WHOLE MAJOR ARCANA UP IN ORDER AND STARE AT IT. Its a journey. The individual cards will make more sense if you know what comes before AND after them in this "journey" or "story". The Star comes after a series of notoriously troubling or chaotic cards. This is to show there is hope after great darkness and troubles.

#witchblr #tarotblr #tarot #tarot witch #tarot tips

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samkerrworshipper · 5 months

Note

Begging for you to write something involving Sammy concealing a strap plsss 😘🫶

based off of her most recent pics from the esquire cover….

i know we all want another chapter of 2s a company, 3s a crowd and i promise it’s on the way just taking longer than planned !

warnings: insinuations of smut

———————————————————————

Sam looked utterly delectable.

It wasn’t often that you were able to sit in on her photoshoots, or interviews, scheduling conflicts always seemed to arise.

It was a sacred opportunity, a little special sweet moment that you were more than happy to experience from the sidelines. It was rare that you got to sit on the sidelines, got to appreciate Sam in this kind of way, so you were more than happy to be someone in the background as they got her dolled up.

You could hardly contain yourself when she walked out of the dressing rooms in the first suit, a classic black suit with a crisp white shirt. You almost choked on the air, blinking rapidly as you took it all in.

“You likey chick?”

You weren’t even sure what to say to that, did dogs bark? Was the sky blue?

“Feeling cocky are we Ms Kerr?”

Sam smirked at your, a big fat grin covering her flawlessly makeup covered face, it was rare to see Sam so made up, you loved her in all of her forms, sweaty after games, bed hair in the mornings, but this made you feel things, things you weren’t exactly proud of.

She walked towards you, extending the sleeves of her shirt and two cufflinks. You took the two pieces of cold metal in your palms, before gently taking her hand in yours and beginning to secure the cufflinks.

“Cocky, baby? You wound me, good looking, beautiful and stunning yes, but definitely not cocky.”

You rolled your eyes at Sam, smiling lightly as you continued to work on the starched sleeve.

“Add humble to the list.”

Sam snickered a little bit, your banter was her favourite part of your relationship, you both knew how to have fun, but you also knew where the line was between jokes and going too far.

“Soo, do you like the outfit?”

Sam sounded almost bashful, the previous confidence had faded from her voice, she sounded more raw and hopeful.

You looked up from Sam’s sleeve, again taken aback at just how breathtakingly good she looked.

“Sammy, baby, you look absolutely perfect, the picture of beauty.”

She preened a little bit with your praise, whether she wanted to admit it or not, nobody's opinion mattered to hers beside yours, you were the only person in the world that’s thoughts of her she truly valued.

“Good, now sit here like my good little wag and I’ll give you a reward once we’re done, I’ve got a surprise for you waiting.”

Your whole body shivered as Sam leant down to your ear to whisper the words directly into your ear. You could hardly think with her in that suit, but her in that suit plus the insinuation that she had something planned for once you were done was enough to send off fireworks from your core to your spine.

She pressed a little peck to your jaw before standing herself up, righting her clothes and then walking towards the photographers, leaving you ultimately high and dry.

Sam had done enough photoshoots to know exactly what she was doing, how to pose, how to act, how to smile. It was magical watching her at work, a different kind of work that you were used to.

Dating Sam Kerr ultimately included a lot of pitch-side watching, it was extremely rare that you were ever able to see her engage in this kind of work, you valued all kinds of her work, but this was especially perfect.

It didn’t take her long to get it done, she was well versed in the media and the photographers were extremely happy to let her take the lead and do whatever she was comfortable with.

You just sat on the side, she looked ethereal in your eyes, a figure of perfection.

When she was all wrapped up you were more than happy to follow her into her changeroom to enjoy some peace before you were dragged off to whatever else she had planned for the day.

Sam sat down on the couch in the corner of the room, already beginning to unbutton her shirt loosen the bun that her hair was in.

“Come over here honey.”

Sam pointed to her lap, you were more than happy to oblige her request and walk towards her, setting yourself down across her lap.

“M’ so proud of you, that was incredible.”

Sam smiled at you, pressing a little nudge of a kiss to your cheek.

“Thank you baby, I think it’s time I give you your surprise hmm? You’ve waited long enough.”

Sam’s hands came down to your hips, tugging you further down her lap.

It took you a few seconds to adjust to the new feeling, and once you did your jaw dropped slightly.

You nudged yourself around just a little bit, making sure that your mind wasn’t playing tricks on you, but from further investigation your jaw only dropped further, your mind going dangerous places as the cogs ticked in your brain.

“D-Did-were you wearing that the whole time?”

Sam’s sardonic smile was enough of an answer for you.

“Mm, your favourite one.”

You struggled to contain a moan, as your ass relaxed against the feeling of the hard silicone pressing directly against your muscles.

“Samantha May.”

Sam nudged her hips up against yours, half thrusting the appendage further into your clothed ass cheeks.

“What?”

You bit down on your lip.

“You seriously wore a fucking strap during a serious shoot, what if you’d gotten caught?”

Sam just chuckled, her hands snaking their way around your waist and gently resting on your hip bones.

“Twitter probably would have gone crazy.”

You rolled your eyes at Sam’s effortless excuse, the humour coming to her tongue concerningly easily.

“You're teasing me Samantha.”

Your voice is matter of fact, calm, cool, collected, it’s nothing like what your body is feeling with a dildo pressed directly into you.

Sam leant up to your ear, her breath tickling against your neck.

“Well then, how about I get changed then and we head home, hmm? Or you could just save the horse now and ride your favourite cowgirl.”

It took every part of your self control to not hike your skirt up in that moment and reach down for Sam’s fly, but you had some self preservation, and enough common sense to know that it was not a smart decision to start something here that you couldn’t finish.

“Hurry up and get changed then, before I change my mind.”

Sam practically shoved you beside her on the couch, springing out of her seat and beginning to quickly remove all of her clothes.

You averted eye contact on purpose, you knew that if your eyes came into contact with the strap then you were a complete goner, self preservation or not.

Once Sam was changed and stripped of all the makeup you were more than happy to have her lead you out to the car, with a promise of a good time when you finally made it back to your apartment.

#woso #woso community #sam kerr #sam kerr smutttt #sam kerr is daddy #sam kerr imagine #sam kerr x reader #samantha may #fluffy smut #chelsea wfc #on my knees for sammy k #sammy k appreciation #sam kerr appreciation post #i love sam kerr #yay for a post #cocky sam vibes #daddy sam

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maxwellatoms · 6 months

Note

Would you trust ANY Korean studio for hand-drawn animation today? I ask because, when The Powerpuff Girls came back in 2016, I noticed how slow and stiff the Korean animation was. Since then, most Burbank cartoons animated in Korea, namely Cartoon Network shows, have been like that — mostly on 2s & with less inbetweening. Look at any Digital eMation episode of Victor and Valentino or Samurai Jack Season 5; do they animate as loosely and smoothly as Digital eMation episodes of Billy & Mandy do?

Sure I would. It would all depend on the studio and the circumstances. There are good studios and bad studios, and either of those will treat your show differently based on their perception of how valuable it is to their client. In the early 2000s Rough Draft was a top-notch studio. One of the reasons I switched over to eMation from Rough Draft was that I felt like Rough Draft was putting all of its resources into making Samurai Jack look beautiful, and we were still calling retakes on three year old issues. I knew we weren't a priority to Rough Draft, and I knew that stemmed from Cartoon Network's negotiations with them, so my griping was only going to get us so far. It seemed to me that I needed a studio that was smaller and scrappier like we were. We were putting in a lot of work on our end to make cool stuff and it wasn't ending up on the screen, so we needed people who were just as hungry on the back-end, and eMation stepped up.

There's also the fact, though, that animation itself has changed a lot in the last fifteen years. Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack's animation always seemed to have an air of "motion comics" to it. And frankly, that's part of what I love about it. It was all a throwback to the old UPA cartoons, which were built on strong, clear poses and made for the cost equivalent of a turkey dinner. Likewise, CN storyboard artists usually had around four weeks to write and draw their boards on paper, so there just wasn't time to take the effort to do anything too complex. It was all about snapping between those 300-ish storyboard drawings and momentarily savoring them for their humor and design mastery. Now we have tons of digital tools that make the basics of animation a lot more accessible to everyone, and have changed the entire studio pipeline. Things just won't look like they used to because nobody makes them that way anymore.

When I've had to choose an overseas animation studio, the network's production arm usually gives me one or three choices and tells me that's all there is. Deals have already been made. (Sometimes they make you pick two to save on costs, which (IMO) usually results in two studios that are less functional than any one of them would have been.) The studios usually have reels, so that gives you a basic idea of what they can do. You can (hopefully) find some other show creators who have worked with the studios and get an honest review. It's an important enough decision that it's worth whatever research you can put into it. Even over good bones, an ill-fitting skin can ruin the mood.

The most important thing to remember, I think, is that it's your job and your crew's job to make animating the show as easy as possible. Really, it's everyone's job to make the next person in line's job as simple as they can. Ideally, there shouldn't be a lot of questions because the materials you sent down the chain are clear.

So... yeah. I'd still trust Korean studios as much as I'd trust any overseas or domestic animation studio. You get out of them what you put into them by feeding them money and your own labor. It's quite possible that the shows you mentioned didn't do enough of either.

I imagine the overseas studios are hurting right now, so who knows what that landscape is even going to look like in a few years.

As with every step of the process making a TV show, you just sort of have to weigh your options and find the path.

Hmm. That got long.

#animation industry #animation studios #hot mess

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girlwithherheadinthestars · 2 months

Text

study tips i made instead of studying

first and foremost, do as i say not as i do (as in don't post study tips on tumblr when you have seven tests to study for)

make it aesthetic, that's always super motivating. put a playlist in the background like the "you're a princess researching about your mother while trying to overthrow your father" or "solving a mystery in your elite boarding school" or "studying in a library with the ghosts" (look them up they're good god knows i'm too lazy to link them) also mcu soundtracks help me so much!!

pretty notes!!

DRINK WATER (go now fr or i'm going to find you)

something i like to do is keep a big cup of water next to me and force myself to sit and study until it's empty

open windows!!! wind helps me focus personally

pretend you're studying in hogwarts or in the dead poets society or something. imagination is very powerful

snacks!!!!!!

more snacks!!!!!!!!!!

get interested in what you're studying. like fr. stuff we learn in school is amazing af like what do you mean we found out the universe is expanding through red-shift??? ok i know this is very nerdy of me but it's cool af. BE NERDY.

take breaks <3 always

pretend you have a rival you need to destroy (if you have one that's even better, personally me and my rival sometimes study in the same room to motivate each other just by glaring at each other from across the room)(side note: this could also be his method of flirting i will never know)

stand up and walk around every once in a while. for all my figure skating besties -- try to do an off-ice axel in your kitchen. it tends to wake me up because i tend to fall when i try to do a double but whatever that's a me problem.

find somewhere comfortable and wear something comfortable

make a to-do list

SEPARATE SECTION ABOUT TO-DO LISTS BECAUSE I HAVE A WHOLE SYSTEM FOR THIS

first of all you're going to brain dump everything you have to do. every little thing. including walking your dog. everything that has to be done in the next 24 hours.

let's take a sample to do list:

- math quiz

-math homework

-physics presentation

-chemistry test

-french oral

next, you're going to give each of them a score. how do we put scores? well

give it an easiness score from 1 -> 10 (10 being you can do it upside down with your eyes closed)

give it a stress score from -1 -> -10 (-10 being it causes crippling anxiety)

give it a priority score from 1 -> 10 (10 being your teacher will hunt you down if it isn't done in the next hour)

finally, give it in a convenience score from -1 -> -4 (-4 being i don't know where my notebook is my pen is in antartica i have no material to do this atm)

for me it would be something like

- math quiz (5E, -1S, 10P, -2C) 12

-math homework (7E, 0S, 8P, -1C) 14

-physics presentation (6E, -2S, 5P, -2C) 7

-chemistry test (2E, -2S, 10P, 0C) 10

-french oral (10E, -3S, 8P, -1C) 14

then sort everything. do the highest scores first and the lowest scores last (so you get the easy stuff done and get motivated to continue) and there! your to-do list is done in the least painful way possible <3

#no i really should be studying what's wrong with me #these are usually foolproof istg they got me through literally all of high school but i'm in a really bad state rn #tips #study tips #studying #study motivation #student #studyblr community #studyblr

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boyakishantriage · 9 months

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Triage: Uno.

Alien: *slams cards onto table* HOW.

Triage: I'm a lucky bitch.

Alien: but-

Triage: there's a specific way to play cards, doesn't matter what the opponent does. Unless they get lucky and snap cards down properly, I'll always win.

Alien: but-

Triage: uno is a game of cards, get a hand. Place a card. Cards can be placed right, you'll win.

Alien: so probability.

Triage: no, it's task ordering. A colour change can be placed anytime. Do that's when you've got a combo you can chain up.

Alien: ...

Triage: +2s, depends on the next person.

Alien: ...

Triage: I won't explain all my secrets, but I don't pretend to guess my opponents cards beyond the bare minimum, I don't rely on anything but my own hand and that bare minimum.

Alien: so your plan's-

Triage: not telling you, just know so long as you play match the colour/number, you're not gonna beat me.

*places her final card. +2*

#tag #Triage #humans are space orcs

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arom-antix · 11 months

Text

Why Yuuri (before 2017) should not be allowed to write an autobiography

Okay, to those who might not follow figure skating as closely, I just need to point out that Yuuri, despite what he insists (unreliable narrator), did not do badly in the Sochi GPF.

We know from the flashback in episode 5 that Yuuri during his free skate fell on at least two of his jumps and touched down on one and it can be assumed he didn't do too well on his others. He says in episode 4 that he falls on jumps and makes up the gap with Program Component Scores (how artistic it was) which can also be seen on the protocol from his short program where his PCS is higher than his Technical Element Score (how technically sound it was). This is not how those scores usually relate except in certain cases (see Jason Brown, also known for his high PCS and (relatively) low TES though this is by choice).

This is Yuuri's short program protocol. If you don't know how to read this then all you need to know is that his total score was 82.80, 40.42 of that being TES and 42.38 being PCS.

Now, to relate that to the real world, in the 2015 Grand Prix Final, Daisuke Murakami scored a total of 235.49, scoring 83.47 in his short program and 152.02 in his free skate and placing 6th. As we can see, that's pretty darn close to Yuuri's score (82.80 in the short, 149.79 in the free, 232.59 total) and I would not be surprised if they were inspired by his scores since they're also PCS centric.

Sidenote: Looking at Yuuri's PCS here and comparing them to Murakami's, Yuuri's are higher, not having anything lower than 8.00. Based on the fact that he was likely very off-kilter, I'd say this is still a very respectable score (duh, Yuuri just can't accept that he's good). Boyang Jin who took 3rd in the short, 5th overall in the 2015 GPF had way lower PCS scores.

Anyway, here's Murakami's free skate protocol.

Murakami has 8 jumping passes in his free, 7 of which he lands with a two-footed landing on one and a stepout on another. He only falls ass on ice like Yuuri does once on his second quadruple salchow (which was supposed to be a combination. The << and REP are explained at the bottom of the protocol). He does not touch down at any point. Otherwise his jumps look fine to me, most of them barely having any ice spray and only his 3Lz+1Lo+2S combination getting a warning for an unclear edge.

If you don't know, falling is (kind of) the worst mistake you can make on a jump and the judges are required to both give a certain negative GEO (grade of execution) and a deduction of 1 point. Other mess-ups just give negative GEOs.

Murakami's FS score is 73.26 TES and 79.76 PCS which would mean Yuuri's scores are likely very similar. But he fell on two jumps, not one meaning his PCS would likely have been higher to make up the difference.

And if Yuuri's insinuation that he flubbed all his jumps in some manner is true (which I find highly unlikely, have some confidence) and he missed elements by either popping (opening too early which costs rotations but saves you from a fall) or just not doing them, his PCS would have needed to be even higher to make up for that.

Missing elements, like popping a double, triple or quadruple axel into a single (at least one double is required), results in that element not being counted at all. Zero. Zip. Nada. You get nothing for it if you can't make up for it later in the program. Even falling on a jump is better because that's at least a few points. So if that happened, he'd have a big gap to make up with his PCS.

To sum up: with everything that could have gone wrong for Yuuri, this is still a very good score, even on the international scene. And to highlight that, Murakami is happy when he finishes, even fist pumping.

And yes, there was still that 103.17 point gap between Yuuri and Viktor which is the same (okay, 94.95) for Murakami and Yuzuru Hanyu who took gold in the 2015 GPF. But, and I cannot stress this enough, Hanyu broke 3 world records with that score meaning Viktor likely did as well. No wait, scratch that, I know he did because Hanyu's score was 330.43 which Viktor beat by 5.33 points. Of course it's not going to be even close, are you kidding me?

Looking at the World Championships in 2016, Yuuri would, with that 232.59 score, still have taken 11th place. He'd have taken 16th in 2023 and that's with a single quad (I don't trust his quad salchow yet) in the age of quads (and that quad being the one with the lowest base value). I'm positive he'd have been able to do a Jason Brown whose PC scores are so good that he in 2023 placed 5th without a single quad and would have placed 3rd in 2016. Now, take that and throw Yuuri's quad toe loop and some confidence in there and you've got a Worlds podium finish before the series even starts.

And then in the season the show is in, he has his quad toe loop, quad salchow and quad flip. He might even have gotten the quad loop down in the 3.5 months between the Barcelona GFP and Worlds. I definitely see a world champion on the next level (if they'd give us it >:[ )

And scores always get higher over time, the world record having gone from Hanyu's 330.46 in 2015 to Nathan Chen's 335.30 in 2019 still standing in 2023 which is still less than Viktor's Sochi GFP score (335.76) (yes, the system has changed since 2015 but it's close enough that it doesn't really matter in this context. Viktor is OP no matter what).

Really, the fact that Yuuri's in the GFP at all should be all we need to know that he's insanely good. It might not technically be Worlds but my stars, Yuuri, it does basically make you 6th in the world.

BE. PROUD.

#trust me i love an unreliable narrator but would you please look at the facts yuuri #that was your first grand prix final of fucking course youre not going to get viktor scores he was 34.30 points ahead of second place #especially not when the man still holds the irl world record 7 seasons later #im sorry but i get that they wanted viktor to be stupidly op but like that post about how insane stammi vicino is #the scores in this show are bonkers #they definitely succeeded in making him op #yuri on ice #yoi #yuri on ice meta #yoi meta #yuuri katsuki #katsuki yuuri #arom antix

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extremelyblackandwhite · 10 months

Text

pairing: dad!bucky barnes x au pair!reader

warnings: age gap (reader is 10 years younger than bucky), smut (18+, dni if under 18)

masterlist

Sadie was an easy kid, that’s what Y/N used to tell everyone who asked her what it was like being the au pair for the daughter of a millionaire. Sadie wasn’t spoiled, she barely made a fuss and was usually happy to just play along with her toys as long as she wasn’t bothered too much. In a few words, she was the perfect kid. Today, however, she had decided that as she was reaching the end of 2 and cutting close to 3, maybe she’d ought to live out to the terrible 2s moniker that everyone seemed to know.

The redhead had closed herself in her room, ignoring every word her father said and continuing on playing with her kitchen play set as if nothing else was happening around her. Y/N had mostly let it happen, watching from the bottom of the stairs while sipping on her cup of tea. It was her day off, her day to only focus on her failing studies and, after all, she wasn’t Sadie’s mother. Why should she bother? Besides, it was rather enjoyable to watch Bucky want to rip the hairs off his head from the comfort of knowing that it wasn’t her problem.

Bucky huffed, going downstairs hoping his daughter would come out in defeat - he’d clearly forgotten where she’d gotten her attitude from. Y/N merely turned around as he faced her with a look of both exhaustion and begging.

- She’s not coming out of her bedroom.

- I see that. - she replied, shrugging while taking her cup to the sink.

- School starts in 10 minutes and she’s not coming out of her bedroom or getting dressed.

- Don’t forget they’ll only take her in if she’s there at start date plus 10 minutes after.

- What? When has that been a rule? I can’t take her to the office today, my calendar’s filled with meetings back to back.

- Should’ve thought about that this morning, huh. Besides, I’m not working for you today.

Bucky followed her as she made her way to the table to grab her laptop and pens. He didn’t remember that policy? Was there a policy like that? Well, he wouldn’t know as she’d never been late. She’d never been late before, Y/N always got her there on time. Yet again, it seemed as if Y/N was Mary Poppins and he the bad guy who couldn’t even get Sadie to brush her hair.

- Y/N, please. - he sighed. She turned around, staring at him with a look which he’d have fucked out of any other women. She was being bratty and he had no time to deal with it. He couldn’t deal with it. - I’m begging you.

- You’re begging me? - she crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at me. - You don’t look like you’re begging to me. Besides I’ve told you, I’m not working today.

- What the fuck do you want? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg?

- Actually, yes.

- Are you kidding me?

- You have about 8 minutes before start date, you really wanna find that out?

Bucky couldn’t even get his mother to watch Sadie, she was busy with some coffee/tea social which she’d rather die than miss out on. He groaned, before getting on his knees, looking up at the au pair that he paid to look after his daughter. When did she gather this amount of power over him?

- Y/N, I am begging you, please get Sadie down and ready for school.

- Of course, Sergeant Barnes. - she uncrossed her arms, walking around him as if he wasn’t on his knees for someone younger than him with less social standing.

She, on the other hand, couldn’t help but smirk at what she’d managed to do. She didn’t think he would actually go down on his knees, she’d expected him to maybe yell and swear and eventually she would’ve ended up doing it merely for Sadie’s sake. Yet, there had he been, on his knees, begging for her help. So much for someone who threatened her job. She’d like to see him try it after today.

- Sadie. - Y/N knocked on her bedroom door, slowly and softly opening the door. - Come on, squid. It’s school time.

- No. - she replied, continuing to play with her toys.

- Oh, don’t think you have much of a choice there, squid. - Y/N opened the two year old’s wardrobe, grabbing her uniform, some socks and her shoes followed by her backpack and placed it in her bed. - You don’t need to be afraid of anyone hurting you anymore. I took care of it.

- No.

- Oh, alright. - Y/N lowered down to her level, pulling her up the ground and putting her on the bed next to the clothes. - We’ll do it like this. You either choose to put on your clothes or you choose not to watch Bluey for a week. What’s it gonna be?

- No.

- No was not one of the options I gave you, squid. Hate to do that to you, but you gotta pick one.

She begrudgingly choose to get dressed, giving a look to Y/N which she hoped would scare her but had no effect. Y/N was used to the little tantrums Sadie put whenever something didn’t go her way and she found that the best way to deal with it was ignoring it. It seemed to work with her father as he equally choose to give Y/N scary looks. She was a professional at dealing with Barnes’ tantrums by now.

- That was a good choice, Sadie. - Y/N helped her fix her hair, grabbing one of her hairbands as doing anything else was much too laborious.

- Don’t want other mummy.

Oh.

So that was it. It wasn’t Michelle’s kid. It was Anna.

- I know, squid. - she caressed her face. - I know but she wants to meet you. You don’t have to do anything else other than meet her.

- Don’t you love me anymore?

- No, Sadie. - she brought the two year old closer to her. - There’s nothing you could ever do that would make me stop loving you. You’re my favourite, you know that.

- Then why do I need another mummy?

- Because I’m not your mother, darling. You need to give your mum a chance, right? Everyone deserves a chance.

- Ok but I’m not gonna like her.

- Take your time, yeah? It means a lot to your dad if you meet her. I know you don’t want you but can you do it for daddy? Make him happy?

- No.

- What about for me? Will you do it for me? - why her heart was hurting she wasn’t sure. Although Bucky had put it in an aggressive manner he was right. Y/N wasn’t Sadie’s mum and while she had her thoughts about Anna, it was still Anna’s right to meet Sadie and maybe it was for the best.

Sadie pondered about it for a second, her face contorting into a confused expression before she ultimately nodded her head. Y/N merely smiled at her, kissing her forehead before guiding her out of her bedroom and down the stairs.

- Now you go and you have a great day. - Y/N helped her put on her backpack. - I’ll be waiting here for you when you’re back and we’ll play whatever you want.

- Promise?

- I promise.

(...)

To say Bucky was nervous was an understatement. The driver had been late to pick him up and now he was here ten minutes after the time he’d wanted to be here. His heart was beating so fast, he was sure he could feel his chest start to bruise. He’d been waiting for this day for a very long time, he’d always thought about it, how it would be when Sadie got to meet her mother. He’d always had ideas of how it would go and now as he stood in the cafe, sat next to his daughter who has happily eating her donut. He couldn’t figure out why he was so nervous. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten here so early then he wouldn’t have had to deal with the constant looking at the clock, watching as it moved slower than a snail. God, this was hard.

The minutes continued to go by, 5 turned in ten, ten turned into twenty and twenty turned into forty. Anna was now officially twenty minutes late. His brain rationalised that she was probably caught up in a meeting, one can hardly control clients as a lawyer and Bucky himself knew how much meetings stretched and how traffic in New York was a pain. His phone buzzed on his pocket, she was probably telling him she was on her way but as his screen lit up, the narrative was a complete different one.

I’m sorry.

His heart dropped and so did his phone on the table. She said she’d be here, she said she wanted to meet Sadie, she said she was ready to meet Sadie. She said ... he didn’t know anymore, he didn’t know and soon enough the nerves turned into anger as he slammed money on the table before hurriedly guiding Sadie back to the car.

- Take us to Samson & Brothers please. - he told his driver as he buckled Sadie’s chair.

His mind was spinning faster than a spinning wheel, a mix of anger and disappointment. He could almost hear Y/N laughing at him, what she had warned him about just having happened. Yet, at the same time, the anger that he gathered against Anna over the year was back and in full fledge. He really thought she couldn’t have done worse than having left Sadie on his door step. He was wrong.

- Can you watch Sadie for a couple of minutes, Stan? I’ll pay you extra.

- That’s ok, Sergeant Barnes. We’ll have fun, won’t we Miss Sadie?

- I’ll be back, doll. - he kissed his daughter’s forehead.

He was mad. Actually scratch that, he was furious. He hadn’t gone after Anna, he hadn’t begged her to be Sadie’s mum. She’s the one who went to his office, she’s the one who asked him to meet his daughter. And he ... and now he realised how much of a naive fool he’d been. He should’ve taken things slower. Now Sadie knew, now his 2 year old knew just how much her mother didn’t care about her. His anger was the only thing who kept him walking despite Anna’s secretary begging and telling him not go into her office, yet, he didn’t care. He could buy the building if she didn’t let him in and he could bribe the security guards if they tried anything.

- Sergeant Barnes, please. She’s in a meeting, she’ll see you in a few minutes.

- I don’t give a fuck. - he opened the door to Anna’s office, clearly interrupting a meeting between her and a few other associates. - Anna, outside. Now.

- I’m in a middle of a meeting, Bucky.

- Great. Now you’re having a meeting with me. - he entered her office as if he owned it, arms crossed with a mood that was not to be played with.

- Bucky, we’ll talk after I’m done.

- No, we’re gonna talk now. That’s what you did to me yesterday wasn’t it?

She sighed, forcing a smile to her associates followed by an apology, yet she reckoned no one wanted to be left alone with Bucky. Not when he was in this mood. Anna accompanied the men to the door, before shutting it and looking at Bucky with the most annoyed face ever. As if she had the right to be annoyed.

- You can’t just barge into my office and demand to see me, Barnes. Are you crazy?

- You promised me, Anna. You promised me you’d show up.

- I’m sorry. - she sighed. - I really am sorry, Bucky, but I can’t do this.

- She’s 2, I hardly think she’s hard to impress. Just tell her you like Bluey or that her hair looks nice.

- Bucky, I don’t want to be a mother.

- If you don’t want to be a mother why did you want to meet her then? She’s two years old, Anna. Two. She doesn’t understand things. Heck, I don’t understand you.

- I thought I needed to tell her, that I needed to apologise to her for not being her mother but I ... I just can’t.

- Oh trust me, I’m sure she knows that you don’t want to be her mother considering you did not show.

- Oh cut me some fucking slack, James. You act as if you wanted to be a father.

- I didn’t want to be a father but when a baby, my baby, is dropped in front of my door, tough fucking luck, Anna.

- I have apologised to you countless times about that. I was scared and I was young ...

- Oh shut up. - he interrupted her. - You were 36 when she was born, Anna. You weren’t some teenager who had a prom night baby, you knew fucking better.

- I’m sorry, James. I’m sorry but I had just had a kid I didn’t want, I’d just have a baby and you didn’t know and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to give her away with you knowing her first, I thought you were at least worth that. I’m sorry, I really am but I’m not cut out to be a mother. You know that.

- I thought I wasn’t cut out to be a father either yet here I am.

- I know, Bucky, I know. I know but you’re a father and you’re great, but I still don’t want to be a mother. I don’t have it, I don’t want it, I don’t want a family, it’s not what I want. It’s never what I wanted.

- You’re a fucking coward, Anna. You didn’t care, you don’t care, and you ... fuck, just meet her. Just see her, I don’t care if you’re there all the time but just hang out with her once a month, I don’t ...

- I know you want a mother for Sadie. - she interrupted him. - But that’s not me. I gave birth to her and that’s all, Bucky. I thought that maybe I should tell her but I don’t want to make it more complicated than it is. I’m sorry I can’t be her mother.

- You know what Anna? That better be your fucking final choice because if you ever change your mind, you better fucking have a good lawyer because as far as I’m concerned, you’re dead to me.

He didn’t know what else to do. How was he gonna explain it to Sadie? I’m sorry Sadie but your mum only wanted to see you to tell you she didn’t want to be your mother? How was she even ever gonna get over this? It was hard enough as it was. He fumbled the bag, he fumbled the bag really bad. God, he’d even let his driver watch over his daughter. What kind of father was he any way? A lousy one. A lousy father.

He made his way outside the building, standing by the door as he saw Y/N standing there, holding Sadie against her hip.

- You’re here.

- She needed me.

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky/reader #bucky x you #bucky/you #bucky x y/n #bucky/y/n #dad!bucky barnes

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