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starkstruck27 · 11 months

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I graduated tonight, so here's a tidbit for you in celebration!! 🎓💚

It's Billy's graduation day, and he can feel daggers being stared into him from all sides. He was named Valedictorian (he has no clue how he achieved that), so Nancy Wheeler is glaring from across the stage in the chair reserved for the Saluditorian. His dad was off somewhere in the stands glaring at him, and he was actually surprised he came to see him walk the stage at all. All the kids he beat up or messed with, even if he apologized, were glaring, pissed off that they had to follow his every move to know when to stand and sit on his command. All in all, it seemed like everyone there hated him.

But there was two people that were there rooting for him, even if no one else was. He could still see them, smiling and shouting his name and waving around these embarrassing homemade signs they made to make sure he'd see them. Max was wearing a homemade shirt with a picture of his face printed on it, and it was the least flattering picture ever, from his freshman year where he was mid-sneeze when the flash went off, but he couldn't help but smile when he saw it. Steve was standing next to her and screaming loudly, unashamed of anyone watching him. He had a shirt that said "I ❤ BH", like those stupid tourist t-shirts from New York, only with his initials instead. He was waving around a giant shark plushie that had a little graduation cap sewn on it, the stitching job no doubt having been done by either Joyce Byers or Claudia Henderson.

He didn't know it yet, but both ladies were also in the audience, along with Will, El, Hopper, Dustin, and Lucas, all there to cheer on Billy and Jonathan as they both walked the stage. Mike was sitting somewhere else with his parents and little sister to cheer on Nancy, but his mother eventually let him go off with his friends once Nancy finished giving her speech.

She was the first one to do it, getting the honor of speaking first, followed by the class president and the class historian. Billy was the last one to give his speech, and as the historian sat down, his heart began to race a little as he walked up to the podium. He had his speech written on a few note cards, but he'd been sleep deprived from finals and entirely too nervous when he wrote them, so they were near incomprehensible. So he didn't even bother to get them out, deciding instead to just wing it. He'd bullshitted his way through it anyway. And nothing could be worse than the class president's speech, which the poor kid had stuttered through and barely spoke into the mic at all, so he was impossible to hear. At least Billy would be able to be heard if his speech was awful.

"Friends, family, teachers, staff and guests," he started, trying to keep his tassel out of his face, "You're probably all thinking that I'm feeling so honored to be standing here as the vedictorian of the class of 1986. I know that you probably think that this is the highlight of my high school career. Hell, our saluditorian would probably kill to be standing where I am right now."

At this, a little laughter bubbled up from the crowd, and Billy allowed himself a second to enjoy the way Nancy's face went bright red before he continued.

"But you'd all be wrong. True, I did get here halfway through my junior year and still managed to build myself up to this point with little to no support, but that’s precisely the reason I don't feel honored to be making this speech right now. It's not that I think I don't deserve it, because I do. I've worked myself half to death to get here right now, to prove to myself that I was not a complete failure and that I was good for something. So I took the hard classes, I turned in all the work, and I did the best I could to put myself where I'm standing right now. But I'm still not honored to be here, because I didn't do it for recognition. I didn't do it for praise or to prove that I'm the best or anything shallow like that. I also didn't do it out of love for school or my classes. I did it out of survival. I did it because if I didn't, I might not be accepting a diploma at all today. I did it because I had no other choice."

As Billy continued speaking, a confused murmur went through the crowd. The audience was wondering where he was going with all this, and the rest of his classmates and the staff were all wondering what happened to the other speech they'd had to listen to him reciting for the past two days at practice. All in all, everyone seemed lost, but Billy didn't care. He took a second as they recollected themselves to look up and see if his dad was still in his spot on the stands. He wasn't, so Billy kept going.

"Most of you here know that I'm not a perfect person. I'm a dick, really. If someone gets in my way, I have no qualms about punching them in the nose or making them cry as they run home to their mommies to have them make the boo-boos feel better. I'm not proud of this. It's just a part of who I am and I'm trying to work on changing it. As I'm getting older and getting closer and closer to leaving this town, it's getting easier to do that. But so far it's been a slow process, because I didn't have any reason to change. That's another reason I never quit and threw myself into my studies, because as I get closer to getting out of here, I'm finding more and more reasons to change. For one, my little sister Maxine deserves a brother that she can be proud of, not one that she dreads admitting relation to. For another, as soon as I get my diploma and decide where I'm going to college, I'm gone. Out of this town, out of this state, and especially out of my father's house. Believe it or not, there are actually people worse to others than me, and if you want an example, well, my father is the best one you'd ever find. As soon as I get my diploma, I get to be rid of him forever if I want to be, and that's exactly what I want. And finally, I met somebody. None of you probably want or need to hear about my love life, and I'll spare you the dirty details, but just know that this person is my reason for everything. For living, for working so hard, and for wanting to change. It's for these reasons, and there are probably more if I put my mind to it, I want to change out of the jerk I was and into a person that would be honored to be the best student in their class. It's for these reasons that I'm even here in the first place, why I pushed so hard to make myself survive and earn it. I'm not the best Valedictorian that this school will ever have, I'm far from it. But hopefully, now that you understand why I'm here, you won't think I'm the worst one, either. You'll understand why I'm here, what I had to do to make it happen, and why, even though I'm not feeling honored by being here, I'm more proud of myself than I ever have been in my life."

Billy had been nervous about giving a speech he didn't practice, but so far he seemed to be fine. He could see Steve on the verge of tears off to the side of him, and it made him remember that even if he was a total flop and didn't make any sense, at least a few people would be proud of him. So he decided to finish strong.

"And to my classmates, the graduating seniors of 1986, I want to say this: I didn't get here on my own. I had help, from a lot of you. I'd like to address some people who really helped on my journey here at Hawkins High, short as it may have been, and helped either directly or indirectly in my success. Heather Holloway, you've taught me to be confident and given me your friendship, which is an invaluable gift that I truly treasure every day. I love you, forever and always you'll be my best friend. Robin Buckley, you've shown me that it doesn't matter who I am or what I'm like, that there will always be people like me in the world and that if I find those people, I don't have to be afraid of what they'll bring out in me. Eddie Munson, you've taught me to be confident in all things, that it doesn't matter if the world is watching, as long as I believe in what I'm saying and doing that someday, I'll make it through and make it out, even if it takes a few tries. Chrissy Cunningham, you taught me to be sweet and kind. Jonathan Byers, you taught me that sometimes I need to see life through the lens of someone else's camera. Nancy Wheeler, you've taught me that you don't have to like a person to be proud of their accomplishments. And finally, Steve Harrington, even though you're already graduated, you know why I'm thanking you, and you know what you taught me. As we move forward throughout our lives, myself and the rest of the class of '86, I implore all of you to take these lessons with you and actually practice them. You'll be successful in whatever you choose to do with your time if you do so. Learn from these people, you don't have to like them, but learn from them. And if you do, I promise you, you'll beat the odds that are seemingly stacked against you."

After Billy finished his speech, he went back to his seat and sat down, waiting for whoever was speaking next to say whatever they needed to. He wasn't paying attention, rather looking over to Steve and Max again, who were both crying and clapping for him.

When the principal finally stood up and read out the names of all the seniors and handed them their diplomas, Billy stood up to receive his first. A shy smile on his face as he listened.

"William Felix Hargrove, class of 1986 Valedictorian," the principal read out like a robot, already tired of having to read out the names of the 236 graduating seniors after the first one. Billy stood and walked over to him, taking his diploma and shaking the man's hand as he smiled for a picture. He was sure he'd have to fake smile when he was told ther would be a photographer there, but because of the screams and shrieks he could hear coming from Steve and Max's direction, he found he didn't have to fake it. As he turned to walk back to his seat he saw them still crying and cheering, making such a scene that Billy was almost afraid the audience wouldn't hear it when Nancy's name was called, but then they quieted down.

They stayed quiet through the rest of the ceremony, except when they needed to make noise, and as soon as Billy was allowed to go and find them, they were on the field with him, both wrapping him in the tightest hugs they could manage. Max was practically squeezing the air out of him, sobbing into his graduation gown that she was already proud of him and she always would be, drawing a few tears from his eyes in the process as he muttered a "thanks, shitbird" into her hair. Steve had let them have their moment, having gone off to talk to Robin and to give her her present and a hug, but now he was walking back over, holding out the shark plushie and smiling from ear to ear.

"I got you this," he said as Billy took the animal, his own grin creeping onto his face. "I figured flowers would just die and you could eat chocolates. I wanted to get you something that would last."

"Thanks, pretty boy. I love her." He said, his face heating up as Max went to talk to her friends and Steve began to back them up until they were hidden from sight behind the bleachers.

"I'm really fucking proud of you, you know that?" He asked as they walked, keeping an eye out to make sure no one was looking as they slipped away. "And I was so surprised when you mentioned me in your speech. You didn't plan that thing at all, did you?"

"Was it that obvious?" Billy asked, but he laughed.

"No, but I just know you. You only get that look on your face when you're determined to do something completely on the fly. It was still fantastic though." Steve replied, finally finding them a quiet, dim little nook to hide away in.

"Thank you. For everything, and I really mean that, Stevie. I wouldn't have made it without you. You're everything to me, you're the main reason I did all that stuff like I said in the speech." Billy said, his voice weighed down with emotion. Steve could hear it, too, and his smile only grew wider as he leaned in real close.

"You saying you love me, Hargrove?" He asked, and the question honestly surprised Billy. Neither of them had ever said it before, even if they had felt it, so it just seemed too casual. But Billy had meant the things he'd said in his speech, about confidence and being himself and all that, and he wasn't giving up on those lessons now. He lunged forward and kissed Steve with all his might, wanting to tell him not only with words, but actions too.

"Yeah, I am. I love you, Steve." He said as they parted, his heart racing as he went in for another searing kiss. He really did mean it when he said it, too. He loved Steve, and he always would.

When this kiss was broken, it was like everything and nothing had changed. Billy was still afraid to hold Steve's hand once they left the cover of the bleachers, but until they stepped back out into the setting sun, he did it. He let Steve adjust his cap and gown before they went out to take pictures, and he let him insist on as many as he wanted to commemorate the occasion. They still couldn't do much in terms of physical contact, but every brush of fingers or press of a side that managed to take place as they snapped picture after picture was like a tiny little press of sunshine to their skin. It was different, but that was okay by them.

"Oh, and by the way," Steve asked as Joyce geared up to snap the next shot, "Since when is your middle name Felix?" And when the flash went off, all you could see what Steve looking puzzled as Billy cracked up laughing.

#billys middle name is felix and i wil not be told otherwise #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #stranger things #billy hargrove x steve harrington #ficlet #graduation #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #eddie munson #heather holloway #chrissy cunningham #jonathan byers

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russilton · 5 months

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i am genuinely so curious about your opinion as to why you think merc likes george as much as williams. not to cause discourse but i would actually love to change my mind if george is going to be there for god knows how long.

my impression has always been that merc likes george, but williams loves george. that he is merc's guy but williams' BABY.

(like ngl they didn't make any effort to stop the cyber bullying during the season on his own team's page, which might be minor but it rubs a lot of people the wrong way)

I think it comes down to less weighing up social post vs social post, which is what people often do, and more remembering that both Williams and Mercs socials function fundamentally differently.

Also you can still like whatever teams you want- this post is not me arguing to not support Williams, I still support Williams, I’m just gonna talk about some ways Merc HAVE supported George, and Williams have been the less idealised version people sometimes remember.

We have for a while seen more jokey silly, vloggy content from Williams socials (at least from 2019 on), while we are still, STILL, teaching Merc to pull the stick out of their ass and stop holding themselves to such an aloof standard from 2020 on- compared to other teams. Merc were winning for a long time, they didn’t need to appeal to people they way they now have to as a team winning less and advertising a new driver.

Meanwhile Williams had NOTHING going on for a long time, they were fighting for 19th/20th, all they could do to sell their team to sponsors was provide content people talked about. Mercedes had the name power of Lewis Hamilton, Williams only had George and Nicky for two years- two junior drivers people didn’t know.

I also just… I personally don’t gauge love based on social content alone, since it’s usually run by 2-3 people who have to put out positive content, it’s designed to make you think they love them as much as they can.

Arguably Williams never HAD to defend George the way people want Merc to, vitriolic fan tweets scaled up massively in the 2021 season and Williams was a back of the field team, plenty of people barely knew George existed. George entered Merc at the most controversial time he could, when Max fans were filling their replies with slurs and Lewis fans demanded to know why the fuck we weren’t fighting for a reclassification at the championship- something we now know why they couldn’t but still hurt. When you watch an entire sport break the rules to fuck you, you start making unreasonable demands to do anything to get back at them and make it hurt less. Merc will never satisfy them, and if anything when Merc DID step up to defend George in Singapore and Qatar- people just got madder at George.

When you look down at the team behaviour as a whole… I would really counter your point about George being Williams baby- because he’s been Merc’s baby for double that time.

George was beloved by engineers, drivers, mechanics and upper staff alike, including Nicki Lauda who notoriously used to go to George’s junior series podiums when they supported F1, took him to a black eye peas concert, and called him the future of Merc. He was coached by Val and particularly Lewis on how to drive, George still mentions Lewis’ coaching as what secured his f2 championship and had him coming back from the summer break reborn. The likes of shov, Bono, James v and Mike Sansoni used to tease George lovingly when he did rookie tests for Merc, invited him to run club and team dinners, George even went to the Merc team bowling nights Lewis organised.

My point is, all of the ways Williams yes, does show public past support for George… Merc were doing that behind the scenes. It may seem like they don’t share stuff from George’s Williams past- they don’t have the licenses to show some of those photos, and given that socials are a brand promotion exercise that just serves to promote a team that’s not your own. But in a practical sense they were inviting George into their family and making sure he always felt at home.

You just have to listen to George himself- he said so often last year how he didn’t feel much like he had to settle into Merc because he’d always been with them, long before he was an F1 driver. They are his family, and this is always what HE wanted.

I also have to look at how they treated George trust wise. In 2020 Mercedes trusted George to drive the fastest car in the sports history, Lewis’ car, when he was sick. They skipped over their TWO reserve drivers, Stoffel Vandoorne and Nyck De Vries, to give George a shot, and had to bargain with Williams to borrow him for Sakhir, when arguably Stoff and Nyck would have done more sim work than him.

At the same time, Jost Capito and Williams were trying to find a way to get out of their contract with George for 2021, because they were annoyed George was planning to leave them for Mercedes, and wanted to start working with someone “committed” to them, to the point they approached Kmag about the seat (in his book, Kmag says he called them idiots for it).

It’s theorised George only kept his seat by virtue of the incredibly strict contract Claire Williams tied him into, and Toto/James Vowles threatening Williams within an inch of it’s life. It wasn’t lost on me in the 20/21 season how Jost tended to not always blame their dog shit car for the poor performances, but George and Nicky for not doing more. Hell the way he portioned money in the team was so poor JV is appealing to the FIA for a special grant to upgrade their factory. In 2021 George DNF’d SIX times, mostly mechanical, you can see him disparing in dts about their borderline undrivable performance, but very little changed- but when a fuck up happened they looked right at the drivers.

Meanwhile, Mercedes saw exactly the kind of driver George was trying to be even through the worst car on the grid, and hired him anyway. I’ve seen teams outright throw drivers to the curb for performances they had very little fault in. You can feel how you want about Nicholas Latifi’s confidence in his driving in 22, Williams gave him a car even George struggled to place in for two fucking years, one year with a car Alex just about got by in, and then replaced him with Sargent, who placed lower in F2 than Nicky did.

Nicky has moved on, Williams ARE doing right by Logan now, but a lot of people are only seeing the Williams James Vowles has run. James Vowles who was at Mercedes… longer than Toto. If you want to base Williams current love of George on him, you’re basing it in a reflection of the James who worked with Gwen lagrue to support George for Merc.

You can still love how Williams love George! I do! I like current Williams and I miss James Vowles at Merc so much, but he’s flourishing leading Williams and it’s incredible. I like how silly Williams are sometimes, how they put themselves out on a limb more- but ultimately they have had to make less hard and controversial choices than Merc has, and the one time they did (Hungary 21) George took the choice from them and asked them to prioritise Nicky. Merc has had make choices nobody wants to make- and often panicked and straddled the line in a way nobody was happy with. But to call back to a post @ininininininstayoutstayout made once- when both sides come out of a choice complaining they got fucked over, ultimately you have to reevaluate what the team really could have done because nothing would have pleased everyone.

You can be upset with some of the choices Merc made with George on track over the last couple years, I have been mad at them myself. You can be angry at the mistakes they made with the sakhir pit stop and countless other strategic fuck ups- but none of those were intended results. Nobody at Merc has deliberately targeted George (OR Lewis) for poor treatment, nor did they WANT to make the boys a shitty car.

At the end of the day Merc as a brand poured hundred of thousands or maybe millions into supporting George as a Junior, Toto lead him the the Williams seat, the engineers and mechanics continued to develop him and train him and invite him into the factories and their travel team. He went out to dinner with them, tested their cars. They chose him over Valtteri, who was arguably the safe choice, trusted him, and now George is on their team they support him. Sometimes at a booming volume when George was adjusting, or then punishing himself for things like Singapore or possible controversies like Qatar.

Arguing Merc don’t adore George is like arguing that they don’t love Lewis- if you only look at specific circumstances you can build that idea- but if you look at the longer history it’s abundantly clear that Merc’s employees do fucking love them, they’re just an organisation not a monolith, and really stupid choices happen. And as much as I hate Jost capito, Toto is just as prone to bullshit, just with less “funny”stories about sexually assaulting his employees.

People who want George to go back to Williams are covering over just wanting him to face less backlash, and have less eyes on him, gatekeeping him almost for comfort. I get the impulse, but it’s not what George wants, what he’s fought for, for almost a decade.

Merc are giving him a chance at what he wants, and as bumpy as it’s been it’ll only pave his story as an underdog fight rather than a gifted ride, and they’re doing all that they can to put he and Lewis back up there.

#asks #anonymous #wank/rants #mark rambles #mark’s driver meta #I spent like 3 hours writing this and I am really not up to start DISCOURSE about this #just rambling my feelings about some stuff I’ve seen so I can dump it and move on #potentially #anti Williams #and #anti mercedes

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diedraechin · 2 years

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Hi! I love your BYSOTI and been my top 1 favs for YOI's fanfictions! If you plan to make it a book I would definitely support you all the way hehe. But really there's something that I want to ask you if it's ok with you to answer? I'd been rereading your story and it got me curious on chapter 39, what the other skaters in Japan thought of Yuuri? Since he just swooped in for nationals, wins it, then leave again for Detroit. Especially bec he don't also joined the group chat for Japan's skaters.⛸️

Thank you so much!

So, what do Japanese skaters think of Yuuri... it depends! LOL that is such a cop out answer, but it's true! There are some generalizations though...

Specific skaters (aka the ones that get names and multiple mentions in the fic) tend to have more experience with the way Yuuri is. So Keiko is very friendly with him and teases him like a sister would (but one closer in age to him than his actual sister). Like Nishigori teases Yuuri. Yuuri and Masao are friendly. Not close, but friendly. Jun (pairs skater and supplier of Yuuri magazines to Viktor) is more the group mom (as she's the oldest among the Japanese Team skaters at 26ish) so Jun just wants Yuuri to be happy and safe and skate well and is happy that Yuuri's friends compete in pairs because no one competes in pairs for Japan and she's edging closer and closer to retirement...

The younger skaters like mentioned in the skate america chapter... for the girls anyway... Yuuri is kinda the "cool/attractive" Men's skater that they've been seeing for years in the skating magazines. So some crushes, some eye rollyness, some think he's a good skater, some think he's overrated...

The point that Yuuri was talking about in chapter 39, however, is his interactions with his competitors in Men's Singles. At this point, Yuuri at 20 is basically around the average age. The older skaters who are still in it like Oda are in there mid heading into late 20s; they saw Yuuri come up and basically usurp all of them without any acknowledgement (because Yuuri is bad at human interaction and becomes a turtle instead of trying to get to know people). So there are definitely some that dislike him or are frustrated because he started placing on the podium at nationals while a Junior (and one that never seemed to want to step up into Seniors). Some like him (apparently Oda likes everyone so I'm making the assumption that his character in the yoi canon likes Yuuri because Oda is made of sunshine and rainbows).

Then there are the Men's singles competitors that younger than him. So Juniors like Minami or younger Senior competitors that heading into their first season as a Senior. The majority of them this Yuuri is amazing (at least to some degree). And a little terrifying because Yuuri has resting murder face with Minami probably being the only one who would literally bounce his way into Yuuri's field of vision maybe dragging a friend or two along who always wished they could get something signed.

Then there are the bulk, probably, who are right around Yuuri's age and haven't quite started dropping off to focus on university etc. Murata fits into this category. And they are the ones that are least likely to be a fan of Yuuri's or think of him as kouhai who has risen through the ranks. Some are probably impressed by him, but some are just super frustrated by him. Like Murata (he'll be our example). Murata has tried for YEARS to beat Yuuri... the entire time they were in Juniors together even and never managed it. Yuuri is literally his top rival and he kinda feels like Yuuri has his head so far up his own ass that he doesn't even realise Murata exists. Which isn't the case at all. Yuuri takes competing against him very seriously, he just never says anything to that effect. Murata thinks that it's insulting to the other skaters that Yuuri won't even join the group chat that the rest of the top skaters in Japan are in and most of the skaters in there are basically "that's so Yuuri". He doesn't get it because he thinks that Yuuri is a jerk... and Yuuri kinda is. He doesn't do the things that Murata expects. So NHK is his first time dealing with Yuuri outside of nationals and they're stuck in a room together and he's heard how Yuuri stays up too late, requires wakeup calls from his coaching team etc... He was definitely expecting to room with someone who was more "I'm better than everyone here so I don't give anyone the time of day" and instead ran into rote politeness, an awkward turtle, someone who literally doesn't get enough sleep because he's just sitting on his bed frowning into space, doesn't really do small talk unless forced, someone who apparently Keiko directs all her teasing energy at (which he's actually glad he's not the focus of), and probably drinks too much. So getting to see him in a different set of circumstances has put Murata's opinion into flux, but his base opinion is probably shared by a few of that skaters who hover around in the top ten at nationals and only see Yuuri once a year when he flies in, basically wins, and then leaves.

#sassy tries to answer some asks #sassy writes #bear your soul on the ice #bysoti(d)#I don't know if this was helpful at all #I ramble

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shadowetienne · 1 year

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Watching the GPF, haven’t fully caught up on juniors yet, though the Junior Women were fun. Don’t have super strong opinions there though. Really really happy with Miura/Kihara being in first, but I thought that the PCS lead they have on Knierim/Frasier should have been bigger.

Men’s though... Men’s...

I am so very very happy for Sota and Shoma! They both skated so well and I am so proud of them!

Sota reminding the world why he and Shoma were leading the Japanese men together when they were in juniors together. There’s a beautiful maturity to Sota’s skating that really developed over time, and he’s finally got all the big elements back and better. There’s something very poignant to him choosing to skate to “Yesterday” because he had that injury that looked like it could be career ending but he came back from it. I love the way he flows across the ice and the way he was so in control of that skate today.

Shoma skated so well as well, and I’m really happy with how that skate went for him. This is a very good program for him, a good vehicle to show what he does so well. I’m amused that today showed the positives of Shoma’s 4T+2T issue. Like yes, he didn’t manage to put the triple on the end, but it was a clean, steady combo that got the job done. Illia’s 4T+3T step out in contrast was nearly 2 points less in value. Yes, Shoma would score better/do even better if he could consistently get the 4T+3T to work, but honestly, it’s better to land the combo clean and I feel like he’s pretty good at judging which one he can get landed. I was really intrigued by him playing with the 4T+3Lo in practice a while back, because those actually looked really good, but I don’t know if we’ll ever see them show up in competition or if he was ever doing more than playing with them.

I’m also just really intrigued by this line up going into the FS. I think that there is an actual chance of Illia not making it to the podium? That surprises me. I know that he can make up *a lot* of ground in the FS. His base values are huge, and if he lands all his big jumps and skates clean for the FS, he could well climb way back up. But he is a skater where he can’t make small mistakes on his big elements because that is the entire pillar of his big scores. The 4T+3T step out is the exact example of that. He’s growing as a skater still, his spins were interesting today, but the skating skills really don’t stand up to the rest of the field here, and I was happy to see his placement at least after the SP reflect that pretty well.

This is men’s though, so the placement could change hugely during the FS. We’ll just have to see what happens...

#figure skating #grand prix final 2022 #thoughts so far #Shoma Uno #Sota Yamamoto #in first and second #makes me so happy #team Japan #favorites

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saucylittlesmile · 2 years

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Since competitive figure skating is full of politics, was there ever any mention that VM’s rise in seniors and gold in Vancouver was more due to politicking and less to their talent? I do not mean to offend but this is my sincere question. Also do the skating judges get held to standards of integrity because if not it is not professional or ethical.

Keeping in mind that I was a new fan in 2010, I’d still go with no, there wouldn’t have been much (if any) talk about it. I’ve got a lot of little thoughts here so I’m going to number them to keep myself straight lol.

VM were young, both in age and in terms of senior longevity. But they were already known to be great talents and had racked up a string of medals through juniors and then seniors on their way to Vancouver. There was a little bump moving into seniors but still great finishes, and they addressed the lifts that were perhaps holding them back a little, and with their skating skills there was no reason to try and hold them back like it was 6.0 era.

Teams that were/would have been in the conversation were having some other situations. Domina/Shalaban - he was having well-known knee issues that was impacting their skills, and trying to compensate with questionable choices (their entire OD; the lifts in the FD via part of her costume). Delobel/Schoenfelder had just barely come back after she had given birth. Belbin/Agosto had relatively recently switched coaches and were being challenged by DW. Meanwhile VM were on a trajectory of back to back World medals, and their names were rightfully in the mix to win Gold.

This was the last Olympics that had a real split between teams that had competed most of their lives under 6.0, and teams that had grown up with CoP. It was an advantage, to be more familiar and comfortable with required elements like twizzles and no-touch step sequences. CoP, for all of it’s issues now, was a way to shine light on the technical side - fulfill the needs of the level, get the level. VM were incredible technicians - they were rewarded with high levels.

VM were only 20/22 but had been skating together for over a decade - experience together is always an advantage. They had a great awareness of each other on the ice that really helped the programs resonate with audiences.

I mean, I’m also speaking from a Canadian/North American viewpoint. I’m not sure if, overall, Russians for example (who of course were the undisputed champs in ice dance for decades, save for a few blips), would have felt the same. Perhaps to them, they could appreciate the talent and the Russian-born coaching, but suspect that there was a push to have a North American team topping the podium for the first time - a time when VM were really a great way to have tgat happen. Or that there was, in particular in Vancouver, the advantage of having a ’home’ audience cheering them on.

But VM were clearly a once in a generation talent - it quiets a lot of grumbles when even detractors can’t deny that, lol.

———

Judges are expected to give marks that will fall into a range that is both acceptable given the team/skater, and comparable with other judges. Admittedly, the range is quite large, relatively speaking, but if you are clearly out of line (higher or lower) than others, then the ISU can and does take measures. It doesn’t happen often, that we know of (who knows what is said behind closed doors so to speak). Just a few seasons ago, at least one judge was sanctioned after very obviously being biased against teams while favouring their own country. It is very, very far from perfect, but it does have some standards.

#ask

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adultswim2021 · 1 year

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Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! #4: “Salame” (aka “Sitcom”) | March 4, 2007 - 11:45PM | S01E04

This one starts off with a true classic, Steve Mahanahan’s Child Clown Outlet, though this bit gets them in trouble these days by conspiracy theorists who believe that it’s a sly reference to real-life secret activities by Hollywood sickos. I don’t think that was the intent. This is later given a little sequel with Mike Mahanahan’s Child Clown Shoe’s Outlet. Tim gets a dumb haircut just for this bit, and that behind-the-scenes footage winds up being the “great job” card, but changed to “Salame” instead.

The hosting bit is pretty bare bones. It’s a simple, undersold premise that Eric has created the entire show himself on VHS. This also includes a brief outtake-seeming bit of footage where somebody seems to be angrily laying down the law to Tim and Eric. “I’ve said my piece, I’ll leave these on your desk” says the disembodied voice. Tim and Eric start harmonizing their response of “fair enough”. Hilarious. This segues into David Liebe Hart’s first segment on the show (previously seen in promos for the series premiere), where he sings about an alien race and their customs with a strange orange cat puppet on his knee. He’s not very good at ventriloquism, in fact he’s not even making an effort at ventriloquism. David Liebe Hart is a Los Angeles area public access television personality. His show The Junior Christian Teaching Bible Lesson Program has been on since, I don’t know when, but at least the 90s. I believe he usually acts as a puppeteer and not a ventriloquist on that show. Could it be that Tim and Eric cruelly promised to simply not film his face while doing the puppet’s voices? Who can say.

David is an interesting character. He has been kicking around Hollywood since the 70s at least, and you can see him in the background of select episodes of sitcoms and the like (A Good Times background role can be seen here). He sincerely believes he’s been abducted by aliens, and is a devout Christian Scientist. He also likes to tour with a live “comedy” show. A friend of mine opened for him once, and he told me DLH vomited loudly in some outdoor seating area of the venue and then used the first part of his act to rage against the kitchen for poisoning him, claiming the food made him “spit up”. He also likes to claim that Tim & Eric are satanic pedophiles. I once heard an audio recording of one of these shows and it was genuinely troubling. I could barely follow what DLH was even saying.

This same friend called Tim during his internet show Office Hours, and reported this information of DLH making wild claims about him and Eric. Tim already knew about it, and was just sorta like “eh what can you do?” This was before the more recent attempt by right-wingers to do exactly the same thing. Oh yeah, before I forget: DLH is on the commentary track for this episode on DVD, and it’s good.

This episode also has “Here She Comes”, where Weird Al (as Simon) escorts several dolled-up but nervous-looking elderly women to Tim & Eric. Tim & Eric are playing two straight-laced/evangelical-looking church men with long microphones and menacing auras. They whisper-speak the phrase “here she comes” as each woman is presented to them. Eventually Bob Odenkirk pops up from behind a podium to sing the “Here She Comes” song. They pick one and sing to her and make sort-of kissing smacks next to her head. It’s a very scary sketch. And… I like it.

“Making It” In Hollywood features an introduction from Billy Crystals, Awesome Show’s first foray into weaving gold from bad celebrity impersonators. The meat of the sketch is clips from a VHS series that teaches you how to make it in Hollywood, taught by Tim & Eric. Eric makes kissy faces at a beautiful woman in the class. Turns out she was TOO beautiful, because Tim Heidecker wound up MARRYING HER!! THIS IS WHERE THEY MET! ISN’T TRUE LOVE GRAND?? As for the sketch, this is pretty mid, and the humor is more on the conventional side. It’s still Tim & Eric though, so of course it ends with Tim & Eric bowing over and over while footage of DLH and his gross puppet fade over it, also bowing.

Uncle Muscles presents Casey and His Brother with “Cops and Robbers”. DLH noted on the commentary that Tim & Eric are the first comedians to make fun of special education people. Tim and Eric give him a little pushback on both points of 1) no they weren’t and 2) Casey and his brother aren’t uh… uuuuhhhhh…. Hmm.

Pretty great, well-rounded episode, all things considered. So far the series has has very few weak spots. Season one MAY be perfect?

MAIL BAG

Hungry for more? Check out Edy's Ice Cream's official page to find your next favorite flavor. Edy's: Happiness By The Scoop.

What da fuq

I think you are making some of these mailbags up because some of your messages are just so crazy. Are you trying to get a show on Adult Swim called, "My Crazy Mailbag". It might just work!

I don’t make anything up, ever. I always tell the truth. The truth is - you stink. Just kidding. You don’t stink, and I like you

2023 is almost here. They say odd number years tend to be more soul-bearing than even ones. Although our calendar year system is a made up construct whose to say what year it truly is? Laugh out loud! Anywhoozle, any words of wisdom for Adult Swim fans about the future of this programming block in the coming year?

I think there needs to be more leftist causes being addressed on the air and less joking around.

What's the last thing you saw on TV that made you jump up for joy?

LOL - Nothing since Stuart MadTV (that is how I have him in my phone)

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #tim and eric awesome show great job

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intyalote · 2 years

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beijing olympic figure skating so far:

- no misha white crow (rusfed’s fault)

- no rika (hamada’s fault)

- no soran bushi (jsf’s fault)

- diana/gleb (eteri’s fault)

- man who doesn’t know what a toeloop is in the final mens SP group while the reigning olympic gold medalist is not (eteri and covid’s fault)

- daniil g probably infecting all of team russia with covid and still flying to beijing when he’s not even an athlete, just a hack choreographer whose presence is wholly unnecessary (eteri and rusfed’s fault)

literally the only reason not to cancel it is so that sui/han can win gold at their home olympics, sure hope china is on top of that because if they get robbed again I will be so done

#figure skating #i’m absolutely going to cry about rika for the entire womens event #too young in 2018 and in 2026 she’ll have a hard time what with all the upcoming japanese juniors with ultra-cs #jsf… i know you want to beat eteri girls but propping up an equally abusive coach is not the way to go #love how i get more bitter every olympics #womens skating is hateful atm #post-vm pre-kagapol ice dance is just mediocre #miura/kihara have been a nice surprise but them and sui/han are the only pairs worth talking about #and men are as messy and flopworthy as always #though at least men will be funny #morisi's saltoe in the last group #jesus christ superstar #the probable outcome of nate standing center podium in that cheeto shirt #sui/han gold has to happen as compensation for the absolute horrorshow it has been #and the only way to make this a net positive experience is getting a yuzuru rotated and clean 4A on top of that

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kittyprincessofcats · 5 years

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just catching up on Canadian Nationals and OMG, Gogolev’s in the lead after the SP??? 😲 😲 😲

So... is Russia not going to be the only country with a Junior as their National Champion?

#Figure skating #Canadian Nationals 2019 #Men SP #Stephen Gogolev #... at least it's not an entire Junior podium ...

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myimaginarywonderland · 4 years

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Okay, so this post will talk about Lance but I will also give my opinion on the Lando situation since I think it is important.

First off, I think it says a lot about Lando that he made an apology. Now, be it because of the backlash he faced, because he actually saw the harm he was causing or because he genuinely regrets it, that is something I don't know. What I do know is that by apologising for it, he acknowledges that his behaviour was wrong and that is really important because it shows that he reflected on himself.

While I do still feel irked by something about the message, be it that he isn't naming Lance or Lewis who he both targeted with his actions in different ways and apologise to them directly which he might have done in person, so I am not able to judge it or be it the weird sorry at the end, I can put aside my feelings and say that this was the right thing to do and is also setting an example for his fans who were one of my main issues with all of this. They then know that saying that was not right and might learn from it themselves.

But this post isn't about Lando. This post is about Lance.

As most of you might have heard, Lance was really affected by what happened on track. He can clearly see that he is anxious and uncomfortable in his post race interview and what happened afterwards tells the story (I don't really want to talk about it because this is something private that he did not share and it is like with the story on Twitter something that was shared by other people who he didn't give the right to share it too so I don't want to spread it any further.)

This is who Lance is.

Someone who is sensitive and takes a lot of things personally.

You want to know why? Because he has, as a person, always been blamed for his dad's wealth. As if he choose to grow up with a billionaire dad. As if he is somehow responsible for it.

And he has always been painted out as someone undeserving, someone that doesn't have talent and totally owns his position to the money of his dad.

Now, let me just give you some data because I want to totally discredit this made up stuff with no roots.

In 2015, he won the Toyota Racing Series. He won by a bit over 100 points. The second finisher was his teammate. You might now some of the other drivers who competed in this series for example one Callum Iliot or Artjom Markelow.

Or in 2016,his first season in Formula 3, he finished fifth. The winner of that year was Felix Rosenquvist (a great driver) who was also Lance teammate and had only one DNF in comparison to Lance 5 and a DSQ. Now, there are two other drivers, one that was the runner up in Antonio Giovinazzi and a fourth who was Charles Leclerc. Pretty competitive field if you ask me and to finish 5th as a rookie,is impressive.

Now, fast forward a year to when he won the F3 championship. He won over his teammate by a margin of over 150 points which is so impressive, even with the two more DNFs his teammate, Maximilian Günther (another great driver) had that is quiet a lot.

Now, if you really want to use the argument that he skipped F2 against him, there is another driver you should be discrediting just as much. You guessed it, M*x V*rstappen. He also went straight into F1 which was a definite mistake but nobody ever likes to say that. I would also like you to remember that Lance did not drive for F1 as a regular driver immediately after he won the championship, no in 2016 he was a test driver, so he could slowly get used to F1. (This is not official but I would guess it's the thought process behind him being a test driver.)

Now, in 2017, his first F1 season, he was teammates of Felipe Massa. Might have heard of him, lost his championship to Lewis by one point, was teammate of Micheal Schumacher and a generally way more experienced driver. Yeah, you wanna know what the difference between him and Lance was in Lance first season? 3 points. And Lance had 2 more DNFs. You know what else he got in his first season? His first podium. In his first season, he became one of the youngest people to ever achieve a podium. With just 7 rounds into his first F1 season, in an okay midfield car with a way more experienced and older driver he was up against, he achieved a podium. And during the entire course of the season, that would remain the only podium for the Williams team that year.

Now, onto 2018. Williams was not as bad as in 2019 but they were still nowhere in terms of pace and he still didn't finish last in the championship (but I don't think we can count this season.)

In 2019, Checo became his teammate. And Checo in my opinion is one of the best midfield drivers, so there was already a lot he had to go up against and he was still so young and had less experience. There is a 30 point difference between them. Make of that what you want but for me, sure it was not Lance greatest season but now you have to think if Racing Point where really that good go be the fifth best car or if maybe, Checo just got more out of the car with his experience and talent. And than, you have to consider that he was still young and only had one season where he was truly competitive (that 2018 Williams was not something you could truly challenge anyone with.) And to then be up to one of the best midfield drivers who is widely appreciated and adored by the paddock, is a lot. Maybe for some of you it was too big of a gap which is alright.

However, don't dismiss his talent. He has had a good junior career and was up to some of the drivers you love and call talented, he even beat some of your faves. Maybe you don't see him as the next great driver but he is not a bad one and truly deserves a seat if you consider his achievements. Maybe he could have proven himself more if he had a season in F2 which is fair but that doesn't take away from anything he has achieved.

And even if you don't see him as talented, that gives you no right to bully him online. He can't change who his dad is.

Now,onto the money. I see a lot of people saying that he is only in F1 because of the money (which I hope you have by now realized is not the case.) But really, let's talk about the money.

Money is something that sadly plays a big role in F1. F1 is above all still a business. And businesses want money. So, why not take someone who has money and talent like Lance? Where are you all saying Michael only got his seat because of money (he is a pay-driver after all or at least he was one when he came to F1.) And now let's talk about his move to Racing Point. Can you truly blame Lawrence for wanting to make his sons dream come true? Wouldn't any father if they had the resources do this? Wouldn't any father want to fufill his son's dream, even if it might be seen as unethical by some or criticized? Would you really care if you saw how happy your kid was? Would you really care if you saw the glow you kid had? I don't think so.

I already said it but he was at Williams before he was at RP. His dad doesn't own that team or have any chairs in it.

Let's forget his profession for a second. Let's say you don't find him talented as a driver or just don't like him, fine. You are entitled to your opinion and sometimes we just don't like people, it happens.

What else would you have against him?

He doesn't post on social media often because people already bully him enough for his family. There is basically nothing you can dislike about him there.

And as a person? He is quiet and basically does nothing to anger people. He is literally just a normal dude. He goes on trips with his friends, he does sports to stay in shape and watches sports. He is not even posting personal stuff because he doesn't want to give people more room to bully him.

If you saw him on the street, would you think he is from a rich family? He does not look like it at all, he looks like that guy from your local sport who is literally just a college student trying to get through life.

And not only was he discredited for all his accomplishments because of something he had no control over but he also saw another driver proudly display a symbol that has been used by people who killed people who belonged to his religion. He saw a driver weat that symbol in cooperation with a company whose boos seems to be a Neo Nazi.

Lance has had to go through to so much shit just because his dad was rich (which Nicky's and Lando's also are, yes I know it's less but it's still more than any of us will probably ever have.)

This boy does nothing wrong.

Did he make a mistake with the maneuvers on Lando? Yes. But he is still so young and also new to F1, he can still learn and is growing as a person and driver. He is expected to perform more just so he proves his worth which he already has because people discredit him for having a rich dad.

Have you seen what he has done this season? He would be in the top 5 had it not been for the last races where none of the DNFs where his fault. Neither was getting Covid or being ill but people literally made fun of him for being in pain, saying stuff like "Did Daddies boy have a little stomach ache?" Yeah, because F1 drivers aren't trainex to perform no matter what, aren't putting their health last when it comes to these things and might have to be really bad if they can't drive and are not even going out of their room.

He has improved so much, he is not blaming other drivers even if they clearly hit him (see Charles) and he stays calm. Because he can't afford to be to emotional since some people would hate him for rightfully calling out others mistakes and just maybe saying that their faves are not flawless and make mistakes (like Charles.)

He has to act a certain way or be a certain way because what would happen if he just showed more of his personality? You call him dull, boring but you don't even try to get to know him. You don't even look up videos where he is more open and comfortable.

He is awkward infront of the press because he has to fear to be discredited or to be questioned about his worth every second.

And all of this pressure, this mask and this pretend eventhough he is just as human as the rest of us. And you see how hard it is, how much he questions himself, how his self-doubt increases and ultimately what happened has happened.

Because while it is just an easy insult for you that you can post anonymously online, it is one of thousands for him.

And you know, he didn't grew up in Europe. Sure he competed with some of the European drivers later one but he didn't have any of them when he started racing and he might already have been an outcast because people would already have seen him as different since his family didn't need to make sacrifices to get him to wear he is now. At least not financially ones. And then, when he came to Europe there were these already formed friend groups and it wasn't easy to get into them. The only friend he had was Esteban and I am so glad. This seems like such an unlikely friendship because they are from totally different backgrounds but that might have been what connected them in the first place. So, with basically only Esteban who liked him from the competitive times, it must have been pretty bad (not to say that the others hated him but I don't think they really cared for him.) I am so glad to see that he now also has Checo and that they get along and I hope that stays this way eventhough all of what has happened (which is also not his fault and I am sure that if he had any say in it, it would have been done differently.) Maybe we can even see their friendship when Checo stays on the grid. And with the potential of Seb next year, that might be the only other friendship or friendly connection he might form.

He is so strong for having to endure the dislike of so many people and he is still so kind and so sweet.

This has been a long post but one that I have wanted to make for a long time. If you got this far, I applaude you.

#f1 #lance stroll

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anewbeginningagain · 2 years

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I don’t get this hate for Lilah and Lewis. I thought their performance was one of the best of the season for them. They’re not super strong technically, but they have very difficult lifts, they actually put in the effort unlike other teams that do junior lifts and get the gold medal. They always try to make things interesting and not the same old boring programs with contemporary musics that the judges see over and over. When it’s their turn, at least you know you won’t be put to sleep. They have improved this season. Again, technically they are far from the best, but if I have to see Madison Chock get a bronze medal with those non existent edges and speed, well, their score is not as outrageous to me. FB/S deserved to be that low, I would have put them even lower, S/D weren’t at their best today. I agree that H/B are constantly being slept on, and I agree that their one foot is the best, and not just today, but always. But still, I don’t get why Lilah and Lewis should receive this much hate when we literally have teams that step on the podium with poor skating skills and bad technique, but Lilah and Lewis are the problem? I don’t agree.

No hate at all, I like them a lot. Lewis in particular has a lot of potential. That being said they are not at the level of 6th on the world, they don't have the basic skills to justify it and while they have many qualities, I would have had them at 10th at best tbh.

I've been a fan of their lifts and their choreographic elements for this entire quad, I love how they are usually innovative, but that can't replace the technical side and their rise is another reminded that levels and basic skating quality matters less and less now. It was fun and games when they first rose over strong lifts and choreo elements but it's not fun now when teams like H/B who are superior in almost every aspect are getting much lower scores.

Canadanes flopped today, S/D underperformed too, but at their core both are still better than Disco Brits right now. I would have had H/B and S/D about them, Canadanes not sure since they made errors. But again, I like them very much but yeah they are a symptom of the current ice dance issues, and saying that and criticizing them doesn't make me like them less, it's just fair imo.

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tripleaxeldiaz · 3 years

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maybe one day i’ll fly next to you

chapter 1/8

read on ao3

The sun is just rising when he gets to the rink, the early morning light streaming in through the high windows, making the ice glow. He’s the first one there, just like he planned, so he gets to take his time getting ready. He stretches a bit in the locker room before lacing up his skates and heading to the ice. Placing his guards on the boards, he takes a minute to just look, relishing in the stillness, the quiet, the smooth surface of the untouched ice. He takes one step, two, and he’s off, gliding through the mirrored surface, carving his path as he goes.

Buck can’t remember a time when skating wasn’t his entire life. He first put on skates at four, wobbling on the side of the rink while Maddie was in lessons. He started lessons of his own at six, and after that, he never stopped thinking about being on the ice. And he was good, too — by eight he was competing in the regional circuit, already landing a handful of clean triples when most kids were still struggling with doubles. He qualified for his first nationals at 10, won gold in Juniors at 11, and by the time he qualified for Junior Grand Prix at 13, people already knew his name. They knew his “modern artistry” as they called it, his powerful jumps, and talked about him like he was someone worth watching out for once he made it to the senior level.

It helped that by then, Buck was already addicted to competition. He loved skating on its own — the power he felt when he jumped and flew across the ice, the beauty of well-executed spirals and step sequences — but nothing made him feel more alive than doing it in front of a crowd and a panel of judges. Landing each element perfectly sent a thrill through him that he never wanted to stop feeling, and seeing his scores, usually much higher than others, was something that never got boring. He wanted to be the best, was on his way to being the best, and those hazy dreams of an Olympic gold medal didn’t feel quite as hazy anymore.

For a while, at least. Until he showed up.

But Buck doesn’t want to think about him right now, he just wants to enjoy the peace and quiet while he can. He’s not skating to anything in particular, just the music in his head taking him wherever feels right. He’s so lost in it, trying to nail the bit of choreo he just made up, that he doesn’t even notice Bobby until he hears him clapping from the benches.

“Looks good, Buck. Talk to Hen, I think that would work in your new short.”

“Thanks Bobby,” Buck says, making his way to the boards. Bobby hands him his guards and his water bottle, heading back towards the locker room.

“Come on, we’re just about to get started.”

Bobby and Athena have had this beginning of the season meeting for as long as Buck has been at their club. They go over assignments for Grand Prix and the Challenger series, figure out general training schedules, and do a “goal setting session” for what they want to accomplish this season.

Bobby calls it a “family meeting”, which is cute but also annoying. Skating isn’t a team sport. Families don’t win medals. And that’s all Buck wants to accomplish every season until he retires: he wants to win.

He sits down on a bench next to Maddie, who’s deep in conversation with Athena about her and Chimney’s programs, he’s sure. She’s been planning them since Worlds, so they’re probably fully choreographed and ready for competition. The Buckleys are nothing if not overachievers.

Bobby clears his throat, standing in front of the roll-away white board, and gets started. Buck’s half paying attention — it’s the fifth time he’s heard the “athletes aren’t born, they’re made” speech, he gets the point — letting his eyes wander over the small crowd of skaters. Chim’s on Athena’s other side, nodding along with Bobby. May and Hen are standing along the lockers, whispering quietly. The Juniors kids are sitting on the floor, in awe of their coach as he talks about hard work and victory. Buck gets it, he’s still a little in awe of Bobby himself, but not so much of his recycled speeches.

There’s one face, though, that he doesn’t see, and for a minute, he’s hopeful. He’s gone, he moved, he went to work with Rafael in Lakewood or something, so I’ll only have to see him maybe four times a year instead of every goddamn day thank god—

The doors to the locker room burst open, and fuck.

Because, nope, he’s still here. Windswept and out of breath and 15 minutes late, yet somehow still oozing confidence and jackassery.

Eddie Diaz. Olympic Bronze Medalist. Two time reigning World Champion. And the absolute bane of Buck’s existence.

Bobby doesn’t even say anything, just waves him in and keeps talking. If Buck had been that late, even if it was for a good reason, he would have had his ass handed to him in front of everyone and would’ve had to run laps or something after his ice time. But of course, Eddie gets a pass.

Whatever.

Buck doesn’t pay much attention to the rest of the meeting, too busy trying to keep himself from glaring at Eddie every 20 seconds. He tunes in enough to hear that they’ll both be going to Skate America and NHK because of course they are and spends the rest of the meeting trying to keep his blood pressure down. When it’s finally over, he makes his way through the crowd to get back to the ice for his first session with Bobby. He’s scrolling through his phone, trying to find his music, when he feels someone walk over and join him on the bench. He looks over, and lo and behold—

“Eddie,” he says with what he hopes is a low level of contempt.

“Buck,” Eddie responds, looking over and nodding as he laces up his skates. “Good summer?”

“Fine.”

“Ready for the season?”

“Always am.”

Eddie smiles, easy and charming, and Buck hates his fucking guts. He nods at him again as he heads onto the ice, and Buck gives into the temptation to thump his head against boards a few times.

It’s going to be a very long year.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buck has hated Eddie since they were 16 years old.

Okay, maybe “hate” is a little strong, but whatever emotion it is when just looking at a person makes you feel like smoke is coming out of your ears, that’s how he feels.

It was his first season in Seniors, and he had been doing better than he expected in the first half — a silver and a bronze at his Grand Prixs, and fifth at the Grand Prix Final. Nowhere near perfect or the best in the world, but he was the best US men’s skater and poised to win gold at Nationals. He hadn’t even heard the name “Eddie Diaz” until he got to Nats, and even then it was just whispers — some small town kid from Texas who was landing clean quadruple jumps at a time when some of the highest ranked skaters couldn’t. Buck was working on them — his coach kept harping on how important they’d be to the sport one day — but he’d hit a growth spurt just before the beginning of the season, so he was still getting used to his new center of gravity.

But the rumors were true, Buck saw it with his own eyes at a practice session. He remembers the mix of awe and dread as he watched Eddie jump — the thoughts of damn I want to be as good as this kid and he’s about to take everything from me.

Eddie won Nats by about 30 points. Buck came in second. The US only had one spot at both Four Continents and Worlds, and Eddie got picked for both. Something about having “a better chance with his abilities and consistency in the international field” or some other bullshit.

He didn’t podium at either. Buck felt shamelessly vindicated.

Over the next three years, they became perfect foils of each other — Buck with good jumps but better artistic expression and connection to the music, Eddie a little stiff but a blur of height and speed in the air. They flip-flopped at competitions — Buck got silver, Eddie got gold. Buck got gold, Eddie got bronze. Nats turned into a yearly showdown, the media always highlighting their “friendly rivalry”. Buck must have been a better actor than he thought if he was coming across as “friendly”.

He won Nats right before the Olympics, pretty much guaranteeing his chances of getting named to the Olympic Team. Two days before the announcement, he broke his leg on a bad landing and felt his dreams shatter along with the bone.

Eddie went instead. He placed third, higher than any US man had placed in 12 years.

Buck watched it all from his couch, unsure if he’d ever be able to skate again.

Fast forward three seasons, and while Buck is still struggling to get his consistent jumps back, Eddie keeps skyrocketing. He hasn’t lost a major competition in two years and is the overwhelming favorite to win the gold medal in Beijing. It was bad enough to hear about it from other skaters or see at competitions, but then Eddie moved to Bobby and Athena’s club a year ago, so now Buck gets to suffer through first hand observation.

It simultaneously pushes him harder and makes him want to die.

Which is the exact feeling he has right now as he watches Eddie land a perfect quad toe triple toe combo. He tried the same combo yesterday and landed flat on his ass, so now he just wants to practice it over and over until it’s perfect and he can rub it in Eddie’s smug face. See, you’re not the only one who can do it. You’re not that special.

“You better watch how hard you’re frowning, Buckaroo, you’re gonna get wrinkles,” Hen says as she walks over to him. She follows his line of sight, and her expression turns from vaguely worried to exasperated. “Staring that hard at Eddie isn’t gonna make him fall.”

“It could,” he says. “Maybe I have untapped psychic powers that are just waiting to come out.”

She gives him a flat look. “Sure, and I’m the long lost crown princess of a small European country. Can we go over your free instead of fantasizing about stupid things, please?”

“Fine, fine,” Buck says, finally turning away from Eddie as he steps on the ice.

He loves his programs this season — he usually doesn’t get used to them for a few months, but this time around, he already feels connected. His short is more modern, melancholic and gritty, while his free is more classic, hopeful, makes him feel like he’s floating rather than skating. He’s always been good at choreography — either taking it and making it his own or creating steps himself — and he feels like both really highlight his talents. Plus Hen, being the amazing choreographer and friend that she is, let him have a lot more input this time around, so it all feels more authentic. He likes to think that no matter what happens, he’ll be proud of whatever he puts out with these pieces.

They work on his free for an hour, and he stays an extra two to work on his short and his jumps on his own. By the time he leaves, the sun has set, his legs are already sore, and he has a lovely bruise blossoming on his right thigh from falling on his quad flip three times in a row.

It’s all worth it, though. Because as much as he wants to be happy with his programs no matter what, he knows he won’t be unless they get him to the top of that podium, hearing the national anthem play with a gold medal around his neck.

~~~~~~~~~~

He’s floating away in his dream, higher and higher like a runaway helium balloon. He can see the whole world below him, spread out and endless, rolling hills and forests and oceans. He wonders if he’ll ever come back down, or if he’ll just keep moving up and up, into the atmosphere, into space, into a different universe. He thinks that might not be so bad.

Suddenly, he’s falling, plummeting back down to Earth like an asteroid. He’s racing and racing towards the ground, bracing for impact, for everything in his body to break, he’s falling and falling faster and faster—

He wakes with a yell, covered in sweat, his leg twinging. He takes a few minutes to breathe and get his heart rate back down, but even then, he’s still shaking.

He looks at the clock. 4:30am. He could go back to sleep — he doesn’t have practice until noon.

Except his mind is churning now with the phantom memory of breaking. The feeling of going from standing to not being able to move, pain radiating from his leg into every other part of his body. The panic, not just for his body, but for his whole life and what it could turn into. What he could lose.

He lays there for another half an hour, but the memories just keep burning. So, he does what he always does when he needs to shut his mind off.

He goes to the rink.

First practice isn’t until 8am, so he uses his keys to unlock the back door. Chuck, the janitor, was sick of waiting two extra hours to lock up after him, so he gave him his own set after his first season. Buck gives him a giant cookie bouquet for Christmas every year in return.

He feels better after just a few laps around the ice. The chill that bites as he speeds up his pace, the white noise of his blades in the ice, it all settles him like nothing else. He speeds up still, setting up for a triple Salchow — easy, almost second nature, a jump he could do in his sleep. He pushes off, but as soon as he’s airborne, something jolts through him, makes his stomach turn over. He pops the jump to a single and lands on the wrong edge, losing his balance and sprawling across the ice on his back. He stays there, staring up at the lights, letting the cold leech in through his sweatshirt.

Almost four years later, and this is still happening. He scares himself out of jumps like he expects each one to end badly, even though he knows — logically, statistically knows — that it’s unlikely.

And yet. Here he is. On his back. After another failure.

He’s too tired to feel pissed or frustrated like he usually does, so he’s just resigned. Today is not the day for jumps. That’s just how it is.

He gets up finally and skates over to his bag, digs his headphones out and queues up his short program music. He works through the step sequences, over and over, making little tweaks as necessary, thinking through where the judges could take off points until it’s perfect. The repetition quiets the last of his racing thoughts, and he finally feels like himself again.

He’s moving into his last spin when he sees movement out of the corner of his eye. He slows down enough to recognize Eddie, inching towards the locker room like he’s trying not to be seen.

Buck stops, staring Eddie down. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Eddie freezes eyes wide, looking suspiciously guilty. He walks forward, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I have an 8am and wanted to beat traffic on my way in. The back door was open when I got here, and I saw the lights on, so I—” he swallows, looking anywhere but Buck’s face. There’s a blush crawling up his neck, and he looks nervous.

Nervous like he just got caught somewhere he shouldn’t be, Buck thinks. He narrows his eyes as he checks his watch — it’s 7:00. He gets wanting to beat traffic, but a whole hour?

He quickly makes his way off the ice, grabbing his bag from the bench. “Well, I’m done for now, it’s all yours.”

“Thanks,” Eddie says quietly. Buck’s just about through the door when he hears his name. He turns back to Eddie, his blush now all the way up to his hairline.

“You looked good out there. Can’t wait to see it in competition.”

Buck freezes, processing the compliment. A compliment. From Eddie. They hardly talk unless they have to, and even then it’s never friendly. Cordial, sure, but not friendly.

So why is he being so nice now?

Buck just narrows his eyes again before stalking off to the lockers.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Mads, I really think he’s gonna pull a Tonya Harding on me.”

She looks at him over her wine glass, unimpressed. “Yeah, because that worked out so well for Tonya the first time.”

“I’m serious!” he says, taking a sip from his own glass. Neither of them drink during the season, so they’re taking full advantage of their weekly wine nights while they can. Buck’s not a lightweight by any means, but two glasses in and he is starting to feel a little fuzzy. And a little crazy, trying to figure out what Eddie was up to this morning. “You haven’t seen any weird guys lurking around have you? You’d tell me if you did, right?”

Maddie rolls her eyes. “You sound insane.”

“I’m not insane if I’m right. Why else would he be watching me?”

“We all watch each other, Buck! He was watching Chim and me yesterday too while he was on break. He even said our twizzles were really in sync.”

“You better watch your back too, maybe he’s trying to take the whole club out.”

“Oh my god,” she says, pouring another, very full glass.

“He’s just so— he’s—”

“Annoyingly perfect? Obnoxiously talented? I know, Buck, you only bring it up every 15 minutes.”

Buck deflates at that. “I don’t— it’s not that often.” Sure, he rants about how clean Eddie’s edges are and how good his quad flip is, but that’s because it’s so irritating. Buck works just as hard as Eddie, and he knows he’s not flawless. But somehow, Eddie is. Stupidly flawless and perfect and—

“I’m just saying,” she says, squeezing his hand across the table and bringing him back to the conversation. She pours him another generous glass, too. “This energy is great, but it would probably be better to put more of it into practice and less of it into worrying about one of your competitors. I know you’re nervous about this season, but you can’t let that turn into this weird paranoia. Don’t let it take your head out of the game.”

He sits back and sighs. She’s right, of course. She always is.

He doesn’t tell her that, though. Just takes a gulp of wine and tries not to think about Eddie’s annoyingly perfect anything.

~~~~~~~~~~

There’s a news truck parked outside the rink when he gets in the next morning, and he spends about 15 minutes contemplating just going home and telling Bobby he’s sick.

The lead reporter — Taylor, he thinks — claims they’re here to do a profile on the club and how they’re preparing for the Olympics, but he knows they’re mostly here for Eddie. They want any and all sound bites they can get from him to use over and over and over in coverage leading up to Beijing. Quotes about hard work and following his dreams that they can play over footage of him skating and smiling after winning again. Buck’s already annoyed at the prospect of seeing them on NBC Sports for the next six months.

To their credit, they do film everyone practicing at some point. They get Maddie and Chim doing their new rotational lift, May landing her triple lutz that she’s been working on for months, and Buck’s nearly perfect (if he does say so himself) flying camel spin. So at least they have good footage of him, not just random shots in the background of Eddie’s. Maybe he’ll even get his own little promo.

Bobby calls him into his office after lunch, where the news crew has set up an interview space. He wasn’t expecting to talk to anyone — maybe a quick question at the boards, but nothing this fancy. He sits in one of the chairs as someone puts powder on his face and tries to do something with his hair. Taylor sits down across from him, a 1000-watt smile turned on as the cameras start rolling.

“So, Evan. Or do you prefer Buck?”

“Evan’s fine.” As much as he hates his first name, it’s how the general public knows him. Buck is reserved for friends and family.

And Eddie, an annoying voice reminds him. Fine, friends and family and...competitors.

“You came in second at Nationals and Four Continents last year, and fourth at Worlds. How do you feel about the momentum going into this Olympic season?”

“Every season is different,” he says as diplomatically as possible. These reporters always want drama, someone slipping up and bragging about themselves when they have no right to. He’s not wrong — every season is different. No matter who’s expected to win or who has the most medals, you never know how everything will play out. “We haven’t had a men’s field this strong in a while, so it’ll be interesting to see what happens. But I’m as prepared as I can be at this point.”

“You were injured right before the last Olympics. Do you see this year as a bit of redemption for yourself?”

He feels his smile go tight. “It’s every kid’s dream to go to the Games. It’s certainly still mine. I’m ready to do whatever I can to make that dream come true.”

“Eddie Diaz has been with your club for just over a year now. What’s it like training with him?”

There it is, he thinks. He’s surprised she asked so many questions about him before getting to Eddie. The first responses he thinks of are all variations of he sucks and I can’t stand the sight of him, but he knows any petty answers will be worse for him personally than anyone else. So, as much as it pains him, he settles on the nicest version of the truth he can muster.

“Eddie’s an amazing skater,” he says, surprising himself at how genuine he sounds. “He’s been paving new paths in the sport, and he’s pushed everyone to be better to try and get on his level, myself included. He definitely brings that same energy to the club.”

“Do you think you can beat him this year?”

Wow, she’s not holding any punches.

He shrugs, smiling through the sudden burst of anxiety in his veins. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Despite his less than fiery interview, Taylor asks him what he’s doing after practice right before they leave. It’s easy enough to turn her down — he’s got an early PT appointment in the morning, plus the way she’s been looking at him all day is making him itchy. He can tell she only sees him as an object — as a means to get her name on a lead story or a body to keep her bed warm or both — and that’s just not something he’s interested in. Maybe a few years ago, when sex was a way for him to forget about the potential end of his career, but not now.

As nonchalant as he was in the interview, this season really could make or break him.

He can’t afford any distractions.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #buddie fic #911 fic #9-1-1 #SHE'S HERE #I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE MY CHILD AS MUCH AS I DO #and if not that's okay this is pure self indulgence #fs au #ficcery

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acioo · 4 years

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anybody who knows anything about me will be able to tell you i spend a bunch of my time ice skating & i’ve never seen a guide on how to write a character that figure skates , so i thought i’d compile some tips & explain things , because my whole childhood i was travelling across the country to spin on ice with nothing on but a leotard & some tights , and now i have nothing but a bunch of tacky costumes and this post to show for it . this is pretty in-depth , about 2.5k words , but if you have any questions about specific aspects or want me to clarify anything , feel free to shoot me an ask . oh & a like or reblog if you found this helpful would be sweet ! tw : injury, mental illness, eating disorders

most people that wind up as figure skaters started ridiculously young. i was probably six, but at my rink, we train kids as young as four and five. if your character has competed professionally at a state-wide level or up, they most likely started super young and have been professionally trained. figure skating is not a sport that you can do casually, most of the time. ice skating, casually, however, totally different thing. but competitive figure skating, being on a figure skating team, and the like, it’s a lot of effort, time, and discipline. in a lot of families, it’s a tradition to teach your kids to ice skate. at my rink, there’s a lot of people who come from slavic families whose parents signed them up - or athlete parents in gen. so, if your character is SUPER GOOD, they’ve put hundreds of hours of work into it, and have years of practice. it is not something you can pick up in a day, and i’d even say you have to be at it for at least two years before you get good good, and it takes a while to even become comfortable on the ice before you can start to do any kind of trick - THAT is why they start young, so by the time we’re pre-teens, we’re really, really good. the problem happens, famously, at puberty, because your balance gets knocked off, your bones are growing, and you have to basically relearn everything you know.

there are so many different types of figure skating. i specialize in singles, but i’ve done showcase and solo dance ( but both of those skills are more for me to be a well-rounded skater, not for competing ), and would sometimes be put into pairs to help learn skills and work together. you NEED to be in one of these categories for competition because they are what all comps are based upon. singles is, as you think, one single ice skater individually doing their routine. singles will do various dances, jumps, spins, etc. i won't lie, it’s hard, and really, really competitive. singles is the most competitive of all these categories. it’s usually a short program ( jumping, spinning, steps - the easier portion of competition because it’s really just a routine that you need to get down pat so you can boost your score. you will learn to do it in your sleep. ) and then a free skate ( longer than the other, it’s more complicated and difficult ). pair skating is really, really difficult, tbh, and you need a good relationship with whoever you are doing it with because there’s a lot of trust involved. it’s hard to break into pair skating because you need a partner that you’re equal to in skill and you like as a person. you guys spend a lot of time together and you need to get along. you guys need to be equally proficient at ice skating. most pairs get put together when they’re still very young. it’s very difficult to from singles to becoming a pair skater. it’s two skaters and they skate around each other, they lift each other, and move in synchronized patterns. it’s highly technical, like all figure skating, but it is more difficult because you have to keep in mind both your own feet and someone else’s. you do NOT want to bump skates with someone. at best, that is very uncomfortable. at usual/worse, you’re both about to eat shit on ice. in pair skating the partner that lifts needs SO much strength. like, so much. i’ve tried to lift fellow skaters, who are the same weight as me, and it’s near fucking impossible for me. ice skates are HEAVY and skaters have a lot of lower body muscle. we are not light people. for example, once time my team and i were out of practice and just skating around and we started playing around and i did a cartwheel on ice and i fell very hard. wiped tf out. and that’s me, trying to handle my own weight. like singles, it’s a free skate and a short program. pair skating is typically male + female ( what a sad world, i know ), but i encourage every writer to take some suspending of reality. ice dance is, basically, dancing. it’s a lot more performative than other types of skating. it’s done in pairs, but can be performed alone, in a different category called solo dance. in the nicest way possible, singles/pair skaters usually look down a bit on ice dancers because it’s a bit less technical, and doesn’t have any jumps of lifts. but ! that doesn’t mean it’s easy because it’s not. it’s rooted in ballroom dancing and they have two parts of competition: rhythm dance and free dance. fun fact: pair ice dancers scott moir and tessa virtue, who are famous to be suspected dating, are the reason we had a no dating rule at the rink. showcase ice skating is usually for some kind of platform, or in front of a large crowd. i’ve done showcase for investors for our rink. there’s usually costumes involved ( there are costumes for all competitions, but their costumes are more, like, theatre - y ), and props, and acting. it’s actually very fun to watch, but you need acting skill. theatre on ice, however, is just what it sounds like. theatre on ice is popular with children and good for ways to show off an entire team of skaters, because you can have eight to thirty skaters on the ice. they can also compete and they can go international, but they aren’t in the olympics and there aren’t many competitions for them. it’s usually just a fun way to get together with your teammates, bond, and then show off what you did.

so, competitions. super complicated, and as a writer, i suggest really glossing over them, because it’s difficult to get it down completely right. there are nonqualifying and qualifying comps. the difference is that in qualifying competitions, you’re looking to start moving up, basically, so if you qualify in the first one, you go onto the next one, then state eventually, then national, and so on. you start with regionals ( singles ) / sectionals ( pairs and ice dancers ). then, if you succeed, you go to sectional singles / pairs + ice dance finals. the goal is to get on the national team ( i’ve watched ameatur skaters tell other rinkmates they want to compete in the olympics - it was NOT pretty ), basically. which, let me say this. it is nowhere. near. easy. like, just go into youtube and search “ yuzuru hanyu “ ( gold medal in pyeongchang olympics for mens singles ) and watch ANY of his performances. now he’s the gold medalist, right. he started at four years old. so let’s go smaller. google elsa cheng and watch one of her routines. she’s a member of the us national figure skating team. she’s fifteen. YEAH. not an easy sport. nonqualifying is more laid back and for fun, or trophies. nonqualifying is also a way to practice before you enter into qualifying. competitions are really nerve-racking. it’ll cause stress between you and your rinkmates, because more often than not you’re going against one another. you and your coach will usually spend all the prep season creating your two programs, which you will almost always repeat in every single competition you attend. i have about 20 different routines stored in the back of my head. sometimes my coach would give us exercises of coming up with a routine during a time restraint. my friend junior learned a routine that was on yuri on ice.

for competitions you arrive, you get ready. you’re almost always wearing some kind of elaborate costume/dress leotard thingy. this is a time to start getting mentally ready, talk to your friends, and do each other’s hair and makeup. costumes are bought way ahead of time, and are usually related to the theme of your routine. you do NOT want a wardrobe malfunction. it’ll mess you up & you’ll lose precious points. your hair will most likely always be back and, more often than not, braided or in a bun. the comp will begin and you have a practice session so that you can get warmed up and ready. it’s not long. you will get the music for your program played one by one, and you rehearse - this is usually to check to make sure your music is right & to get acclimated to the ice then you get off the ice and another group will warm up. your coach can’t be on the ice whatsoever, and has to stay outside the rink. usually, competition order is done by a random draw. one by one, you will do your routine. no one but you can be on the ice. then you go off to the “ kiss and cry “ ( because you’re either about to celebrate or get your ear chewed off by an adult in a tracksuit ) where your score gets announced. then, competition continues. your warmup + when you start is not based on how you placed in the last part of the comp ( usually started with lowest ) and you perform the second routine. then, and this is usually determined by like how serious the competition you're going to, but there are trophies handed out, a podium ceremony is held, or medals or flowers are given out. my coach would always make the team pose together after competitions and go out to eat - lots of coaches hold bonding exercises esp after comps. if we did well, we could skip our 9 am practice. if we did poorly, the team meets up at a local park and runs the three-mile trail, and then they do technical corrections at the rink. after your medal/etc ceremony, you’re done. sometimes the top people will perform, but by that time you’re usually exhausted and want to sleep for a billion years ( or, if you did really well, you want to go eat 15 ihop pancakes and conquer the world ). the competition season is from august to april. this is a BASE of what happens. it’s different at different kinds of competitions and for different categories of skating, but it’s almost always something like this. offseason is for practice, rest, and fun, basically, but if you're a serious skater, by the time you’re hitting july, you’re spending more time at the rink than at home. the most well-known and the hardest competitions to qualify for are the grand prix, europeans ( european championships ), worlds ( world championships ), and the, of course, olympics.

another aspect of almost any professional sport is injury. think about any ice skating routine you’ve seen. there is no protection. you’re wearing a thin sheer leotard. you have basically knives on your feet. it’s VERY easy to get yourself beat up by ice. the ice is very hard and not very forgiving. meaning, if you hit, you hit hard. you usually are putting a lot of force into it, too, because you’re falling. don’t even get me started on the BRUISING. you will look like you have gone thru something, all the time. ice skates, which have to sharpened routinely, are, as you imagine, SHARP AS FUCK. knife shoes. i’ve been recreationally skating, because i work at a rink, and just monitoring the skaters and usually messing around with my rinkmates, and i fell, and i sliced open my thigh. i didn’t need stitches, or anything, but there was blood everywhere. very gross. ( ask abt this answered here ! ) and i wasn’t even doing anything particularly hard. and this has happened before. they WILL cut you. ankle injuries are super common. i’ve seen someone break their ankle feet away from me. i’ve twisted my left ankle five times. as for dislocations, they also happen a lot. when i was twelve, i was at the top of my figure skating career. i was qualifying to competition after competition. during a regular, normal practice, i was doing a jump i had usually aced, and i landed the wrong way and i dislocated my knee and blacked out. it’s a very disgusting injury and extremely, extremely painful. like, a good 50k in hospital bills for the surgery to fix it. i was very good and it was my favorite activity on the planet, but it was so awful that i quit. when i was fourteen, i started skating again, joined my team, etc, etc, but it was very difficult to recover from. and that’s a very common story. most people get injured and they have to stop. i know a girl who got a bunch of concussions, and wasn’t able to skate. i’ve been concussed on the ice. people tear their acls or their hip. we have a sports medic at all figure skating practices and comps. and a lot of injuries, once you hurt something, you will hurt it again because you made it weak. we are all very flexible but overuse will make your bones brittle. there’s also stress fractures and different things you can get from just overworking your muscles. shin splints, tendonitis, jumpers knee, etc. you name an overuse injury, and i’ve had it. i was one so exhausted after practice that i laid down on the ice and cried until my coach ( who i love very dearly ) gave me a bag of skittles and told me to suck it up. that’s not saying my coach is a bitch ( john mulaney vc my coach is a bitch and i like her so much ), that’s to say there is no break, no stopping. you get better, and move on, or you quit.

as-is with basically any competitive sport, if you get serious, you will probably go onto some sort of diet along with it. you want to be eating a lot of nutritional stuff ( granola bars are HOARDED in my locker room & to this day i gag at the sight of protein shakes ), anything with a lot of calcium ( because we do be breaking bones ! ), and iron. i used to eat pasta before comps ( like wayyy before not an hr or anything ) because it gives you ~energy~. you need to be eating a lot because you’re exercising a lot. gatorade is banned by my coach because it's so much sugar. you need to drink so. much. water. we all take a bunch of vitamins. usually will eat chicken / meat in general. but keep in mind, like any sport in which you are cutting things from your diet / eating specific things / etc, it can easily lead to an unhealthy relationship with food. there’s a lot of shitty mindsets you will encounter with coaches and fellow competitors about what weight a figure skater should be, and it's even worse in pair skating ( because of lifts ). when i was eleven, one of my old coaches told me that she hoped i never hit puberty because it’d fuck up my balance & when i did i cried. a fellow competitor once told me she wished she had my “ figure skater “ body ( and at this point of my life, i had very unhealthy eating habits ). another time a group of older kids made fun of how gangly i was while i was in earshot. the amt of times my coach has SCREAMED at ice skaters for making fun of / putting down fellow ice skaters is astronomical. it’s rough. a lot of figure skaters have opened up about how figure skating caused / contributed to their mental illness. it’s very easy to fall into because of how “ perfect “ you need to be. you can look up various figure skaters stories on this: adam rippon, gracie gold, and yulia vyacheslavovna - a very famous one as it was part of the reason her career ended & she was the youngest ever skating gold medalist. and i will say, personally, my unhealthy relationship with food ( that would eventually lead to lots o problems & i still feel the impact of today ) began when i was figure skating. there are other risk factors for mental illness as well because there’s so much focus on winning / losing. more than once, competitions would give me panic attacks because of the great stress.

another thing is MONEY. as fucked up as it is, you need money, or a grant, if you want to get good. you need expensive skates, costumes, travel fees, and more. my pro figure skates, not my casual ones, cost upwards of 300, and that’s low balling it. when i was ten, my parents spent upwards of 10k on figure skating. there are rink fees, there are competition fees, there are coaching fees. it adds up extremely quickly. i know a lot of skaters who stopped competing because it was just too expensive. i work for my rink by teaching classes and monitoring open skates and additional things, but if i added up every single dollar i ever made, it would be nowhere near enough to pay for everything. but the thing is, if you get really good, you can make money off of competitions, but getting there is the hard part. at one point in my life, my parents were paying $100 an hour for my private coach who i was seeing multiple days a week. figure skaters also oftentimes will take additional classes to help. my coach made the entire junior team take ballet one year. i took a ton of gymnastic classes as well to help with skating.

so, who are the kind of people that ARE figure skaters ? what do we act like ? there’s a lot of stereotypes that figure skaters are cold people. that’s not necessarily true. i would say that we are extremely competitive people. i’ve seen rinkmates get into full-blown fights during competitions. one of my best friends, who i met at my rink once i returned from my hiatus, HATED me because she knew i was competition. we are on-edge. stakes are high and the pressure is on. a lot of us are very perfectionistic because you sort of got to be to get to our level. we can have control issues and we can become easily frustrated if we flop jumps or keep stuttering coming out of a spin. the other stereotype is that we are super delicate little flowers. probably because of the way we have to move. realistically, we’re a tactile bunch of people who would probably wind up hurting someone if we played hockey. ( another stereotype : figure skaters and hockey kids. the closest i’ve gotten to a hockey player is the one time i threatened to quick him in the nads because they came early and insisted we get off the rink. ) we all love skating and have a lot of fun while doing it. it’s dangerous, and that’s part of the thrill. speeding around the rink at extremely high speeds is, honestly, exhilirating. we love our sport and, though we can get on each other's nerves, love our rinkmates. it’s not easy, but it’s our favorite thing to do.

#writing guide #character guide #sport guide #rph #rpt #i wrote this in a shakespearean fury #can u tell i miss my rink : (#i should be doing finals !#ch: axel mendoza

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ghostly-cabbage · 4 years

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Frigid (Chapter 1)

Danny Phantom fanfic

Genre: Horror, Angst, Enemies to Friends

Fic Rating: M (Language, Underage Drug Use, Violence and Gore)

Summary: Wes and his brother Kyle have just moved to Amity Park. Wes is only worried about fitting in, but all the ghost nonsense is making that harder and harder. Something weird is going on in this place, and his chemistry lab partner is no different. Seriously, what the hell was up with the Fenton kid and why did everyone ignore it?

Danny is a junior in high school, and pressure is squeezing in on all sides. Keeping good enough grades to graduate, and dealing with the snoopy new kid wasn't bad enough, but he's starting to feel like his parents are getting closer to figuring out his secret. Jazz is off at college and he didn't realize just how helpful it was when she was home to cover for him.

Danny's been able to keep his secret at school for one reason, and that's that no one cares to watch him close enough to connect the dots. Wes is different.

AO3 FFN

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"The air is different here," Wes said, looking up at the swath of stars across the sky. Kyle exhaled a plume of smoke that clouded the view.

"Shit. Don't get all poetic on me now." Kyle coughed his way into a laugh and Wes kicked his shin just hard enough to hurt.

"Ow!"

"Shut up dude, I mean it's colder here. More humid or something too."

"Yeah, definitely nothing like home." Kyle swung his legs back and forth off the brow of the roof. "How was your first day of school btdubs?" He offered Wes the joint pinched between his fingers. Wes waved him off.

"Thrilling, nothin' like being the new kid," he said.

Kyle shrugged and took another hit.

“‘S not so bad, my day was chill,” he croaked out while trying to keep his breath held in.

Wes scrunched his nose at the smell. “Jesus dude, that stuff smells worse than normal.”

“Yeah—” he puffed out the cloud of smoke “—the shit here isn’t as good. Missin’ that green triangle right about now.” Kyle let out a wistful sigh. Wes almost wanted to ask how he’d found a dealer already, but it was Kyle. He always found someone. It was like his supernatural ability to sniff out someone who’d sell to minors.

“Anyway, basketball tryouts are at the end of the week, right? Cheer up my man, you’ll get mad chicks once you make the team.” Wes shot him a glare. Getting chicks was the last thing on his mind. He was more preoccupied with the fact their dad uprooted their entire lives to move to fucking Illinois. Illinois!

“Whatever dude.” There was a brief silence, before Kyle bumped his shoulder into him. He took another deep drag off his joint, the static burn filling the air like white noise. The stars continued to glimmer coldly in the sky, and it sent a pang of homesickness through him. It was bullshit.

“Any classes you like?”

“Psh. Hardly… Well. There’s a photography class—”

“Didn’t you mention something about chem at lunch?”

“Oh. That.” Wes started to get angry just thinking about it. “Yeah. Chemistry two. Apparently we have to have a lab partner for the whole semester. Which wouldn't be a big deal but I got stuck paired with a dude that’s ‘banned for life’ from using the chem equipment.” He used his fingers for the air quotes. “So I’m probably gonna have to do everything.”

Kyle took a breath like he was about to say something, but Wes pressed on. “What the hell do you even have to do to get banned for life from using the chemistry stuff?”

“Dude! Maybe your partner got busted for making drugs! That Breaking Bad kinda shit! That’d get him banned fer sure fer sure.” His words slurred around the edges.

Wes almost laughed. “You’re high Kyle. If you saw him you’d understand. This guy isn’t a drug lord, trust me, he’s a twig. No way he’d be involved in anything dangerous. If that guy does anything more exciting than video games I’d eat your hat.”

Kyle gasped. “Brooo!”

“What?”

“Somthin’ to eat sounds wicked. Wanna swing by that... Nasty place, what’zit called? We saw it on the way in.”

Wes rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh.

“Nasty Burger?”

“Nasty Burger!”

“As a majority of you are aware, it’s a new school year, which means as per new school district regulation it’s time to report to the gym for the annual ghost safety course, and later today at an unspecified time there will be a ghost drill.” Mr. Lancer droned at the front of the class. The other students around Wes all groaned like they’d been assigned a pop quiz, rather than that being the most batshit crazy thing they’d ever heard. Uh, what the hell? He raised his hand.

“Yes, Mr. Weston.”

“Did... you just say ghost safety course?” Kids around him chuckled and shared knowing looks. It was like he was on the other side of an inside joke.

“Regrettably so, Mr. Weston. Everyone single file to the gym please. Leave your bags here, you’ll be back before the third period,” Lancer said as he gestured to the door. Wes stayed sitting for a few seconds longer than the class, trying to make sense of what he’d just heard. Ghosts? Like actual ghosts?

“Hey, Fenturd, can’t wait to see how your parents fuck it up this year!” Wes turned towards the back of the classroom to see a tall broad shouldered guy, Dash if he remembered right, shoving past Danny Fenton, AKA his chem lab partner. Danny lurched to the side, stumbling into a desk. There were two other kids that Wes hadn’t seen before standing behind Danny, a goth girl and a dweeby kid in a beret.

“Bro, I still have the picture on my phone from when they couldn’t get Mr. Fenton out of that ghost netting,” said an equally massive asian guy. The small knot of kids around them all laughed and filed past Danny and his presumed friends. Danny was glaring daggers at the back of Dash’s head.

So… Danny’s parents were the guest speakers, and they were giving a talk on... ghost safety… Seriously, did anything here make sense? Wes followed after the crowd, trying to wrap his head around it. The odd trio started following a few paces back.

“Great. Just what I need to kick off the year again,” Wes heard Danny grumble.

“Oh come on Danny, It wasn’t that bad,” the goth girl said.

“Nah, it was pretty bad.”

“Tucker!”

“What?!”

Wes tried to continue listening to their conversation but the person in front of him turned around to look at him.

“You’re the new kid right?” She asked. She had long blonde hair and perfect makeup.

“Uh, yeah. Wes.”

“I hear you’re trying out for the basketball team, right?” A few of the popular kids walking in front of her glanced over their shoulders to look at Wes.

“Y-yeah. I was point guard on my last team back home.”

“I don’t know what that means.” She tossed a lock of hair behind her shoulder. Her eyes were burning into him like she was personally judging where he fit into the social caste system of the school. “But good luck. I’m Star, by the way. My boyfriend’s on the football team so don’t get any ideas.”

“Oh please Star, you’re like, totally out of his league, basketball team or not,” a new voice cut in from just in front of Star. Another girl with dark wavy hair turned to look at him. She had dark olive skin, almond eyes and thick eyelashes. “I’m Paulina, but I’m sure you’ve heard all about me already. People are kind of obsessed with me, they can’t help it.” She said it with a smile and a cute giggle to punctuate her sentences. He’d seen her in homeroom yesterday, and he knew right off the bat she was top of the hierarchy, her and Dash both seemed to have a pretty solid hold on their popularity. If he was going to survive here he needed to make sure they liked him, or at the very least had nothing bad to say about him.

“I can see why, it’s nice to meet you,” he said. The two girls shared a look, shrugged and turned their attention away from him.

He let go of the breath he’d been holding, feeling like he’d just passed some sort of test. He’d never exactly been a popular kid. In elementary school he was small and easy to pick on. Unless Kyle was around, who had a nonchalant courage about him, even as a kid. It’d taken a lot of work for Wes to figure out how to fit in just under the radar of the big fish.

He stepped into the bustling gym along with the rest of the Junior homeroom class. The bleachers were pulled out, and the class dispersed to find their place to sit. Wes bobbed his head over the shoulders of other students looking for Kyle. It took some work but eventually his eyes landed on his brother. He was lounging, taking up two seats worth of space on the far left side of the bleachers. He made a beeline for him, and took the stairs two at a time. The clamor of the student body filled the room, and when he sat down he had to speak over it.

“Dude, can you believe this? A ghost assembly?” His brother had never been the most believing of the supernatural. But this place, openly acknowledging the presence of ghosts? He’d like to see Kyle try and refuse to believe now.

“Yeah man! This school must really love Halloween.”

And there it was.

“Kyle. It’s September.”

“And? Bro they got the Halloween decorations up at wally-world already, why not have a fun Halloween thing?” Wes frowned, and clicked his tongue. He propped his chin against his hand and watched as the school started to settle. His eyes wandered the rows until he found the goth girl. Danny and the kid she’d called Tucker were with her. They were sitting in the section over a row down. Danny had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his black NASA hoodie, and a pinched look on his face. He couldn’t exactly say he blamed the kid, the thought of his own dad showing up to give a presentation made him shiver in horror.

They’d set up a stage in the center of the gym. Principal Ishiyama stepped up to the podium, and tapped the mic.

“Hello students of Casper High! For incoming freshmen, allow me to officially extend a warm welcome, and to all returning students, welcome back!” She was way too chipper for the time of morning. “As many of you know we have to review some safety precautions. Now, this may not be new information but I expect you all to pay attention and be respectful regardless. With that, allow me to introduce local ghost experts: Jack and Maddie Fenton.” Ishiyama moved back, clapping for the guests. The crowd gave mixed reactions. Most people looked like they were only applauding out of awkwardness. Wes was definitely included in that category.

A man and woman with brightly colored… jumpsuits? Hazmat suits? Whatever they were, came forward. The man was intimidating from the pure size of him alone. Jesus christ, he looked like a NFL linebacker. Next to him, was a slight and fit woman. She spoke first, standing at the podium.

“Good morning everyone! My husband and I are honored to be welcomed back to run through the safety course with you kids!” Mrs. Fenton was peppy and direct with the way she spoke and the way she moved. “As of last year the manual ghost alarms were installed around the school.” Maddie motioned to the projector screen behind her that had been lowered from the ceiling. “As you can see here.” The picture on the projector showed huge red buttons ringed by yellow and black caution trim. Wes had seen them around before, but he’d figured they were for... tornados or something, they had those here right?

“If you see a ghost you are encouraged to press this button so that the school can evacuate and the correct professionals may be notified.”

“By that she means us!” Mr. Fenton shouted, popping up in front of the projector. She moved on as if the interruption hadn’t even happened.

“Whatever you do, do not engage with a ghost. Ghosts are highly dangerous. Even a low level ecto-entity can be a threat to your life and well-being!” Her voice was grave, and practically oozed with conviction. Wes looked over at Kyle, gesturing towards the stage, incredulous.

“Really? Nothing to say about this?”

“What can I say, they’re pretty dedicated. Dude, Wes, it might be an ARPG, like remember the Halo 2 ‘I love bees' thing?”

“I hate you. This isn’t even anything close to—”

“Shh!” Someone who sounded like a teacher hissed at them. He turned his attention back to the presentation, annoyed.

“Now, let’s go over what to do if you think you’ve been possessed or otherwise overshadowed by a ghost! First thing to look for are gaps in memory or consciousness. Changes in mood or violent tendencies can also occur. Keep an eye on your friends and loved ones. Remember that no one is immune to being overshadowed by a ghost, unless you purchase a Fenton Specter Deflector available on our website!” Almost out of nowhere, the woman pulled out what looked like a metal belt. There was silence in response, and she cleared her throat.

“If you or someone you know has been or is currently possessed please seek help immediately, go to your teachers or parents.” Wes watched as she moved on to the next subject, talking with the fervor and simplicity of an expert. Screw whatever Kyle said, this wasn’t just for shits and giggles or some halloween event. Something was different here. The other students, despite seeming bored, looked like they fully believed her. Maybe people here would actually believe him about what happened when he was a kid.

The hazy memories crept along his skin, making the hair on his arms stand on end. His dad told him he had an active imagination. He knew it wasn’t that.

“Finally, let’s go over what to do if a ghost fight breaks out!”

“A ghost fight?” he echoed, brows furrowing.

“As we’ve said, do not engage or interact with ghosts for any reason—”

“Hey, what about Phantom?” Someone from the crowd shouted. A murmur of agreement rippled through the students.

“Who’s Phantom?” He wondered out loud, and a guy sitting in front of him turned to give him an affronted look.

“We strongly discourage interacting with Phantom especially! When it comes to ghosts, it’s simple. There are no good ghosts! Ghosts are ectoplasmic post-human impressions driven only by their obsession! They are not human and don’t care about the havoc they wreak.”

The crowd murmured again, the disapproval evident. A few kids shouted unintelligible things, but they sounded defensive. Wes didn’t get it, the Fenton lady seemed to know her shit, why argue?

“Quiet! Quiet please!” Ishiyama called over the voices. Eventually the students settled, and the Fentons wrapped up their presentation. Everyone seemed disappointed that nothing embarrassing happened, until Mr. Fenton underestimated the height of the stage, and face planted onto the gym floor. The students broke into an uproar of laughter, and Ishiyama rushed to the mic to dismiss everyone back to homeroom. Wes couldn’t hold back a laugh, and glanced over to see Danny hunching up his shoulders. If Wes had to describe someone that looked like they wanted to disappear, it would be Danny in that moment.

The walk back to the classroom was uneventful, though he was pretty sure he heard Mrs. Fenton repeatedly calling out “Danny sweetie!” Wes was really glad he wasn’t that poor bastard, talk about humiliating. He tried to ignore the pang that twisted inside his stomach. Still, it must be nice to have a mom around.

Fifth period started in four minutes, and Wes was stuck fiddling with the lock on his locker. The damn thing looked like it’d been fished off the titanic. The wheel made an awful squealing noise when he twisted it, and even when the lock popped, he had to yank on it to get it to unlatch all the way. He put in his combo for the third time and pulled. It came undone and if it weren’t for holes on the handle he’d have gone stumbling backwards. He opened the locker and was just about to grab his History textbook, when an ear splitting alarm blasted from the overhead speakers. He jumped and spun around, hands coming up to cover his ears.

It wasn’t like a fire alarm, instead of the shrill school bell ringing, it was a long whooping siren that echoed up and down the halls like a nuclear strike was incoming. Wes had to hand it to them, it sounded creepy as fuck. The emergency lights flashed in the hallways, and the kids around him started to make for the exits.

“Your attention please,” an automated female voice came over the speaker, offering a brief respite from the siren. “A ghost has been sighted in the building. Please evacuate or get to safety as soon as possible.” Holy shit, was this really happening? The siren began its wailing again. His heart thundered in his chest, and he looked both ways up and down the hall. He didn’t see anything, except for Lancer standing at the end of the hall, directing students to an emergency exit. Wes remembered then that Lancer had said something about a “ghost drill”. Of course that’s what this was. Just a drill. Wes let out a shaky breath, and went to close up his locker before he headed out.

Which in retrospect wasn’t the greatest idea. In less than a second, something changed. The hall felt darker, and the air grew cold. Not cold like someone left the window open, cold like he’d just walked into a meat freezer. It prickled against his skin, and he felt a deep sense of dread sink to the bottom of his stomach.

“Little lamb…” Murmured a soft voice. It echoed up the hall, and Wes forced himself to turn and look. He shouldn’t have, he really shouldn’t have. It was the shape of a woman, but she was floating a foot off the ground. She had stringy hair, and bangs that partially covered her empty eyes. In her hand looked like a shepherd's crook. Wes slammed his back against his locker, his knees locking up. He felt his hands start to tremble. Not again, he didn’t want the nightmares again.

The hall was empty, the last few terrified kids were gone.

“Little lamb... separated from the herd… Don’t you know there’s predators?” Her voice echoed unnaturally, it’s clarity sending chills across his skin. She was hardly speaking above a whisper, but it was rough and cracked, like something had happened to her voice. But the thing that was worse was even at barely a whisper, he could somehow hear her over the sirens. Like she was right next to him breathing the words into his ears.

The alarm cut out and the automated message looped. The woman—ghost lifted her crook to point at him. “Little lambs have to come back home,” she said. The sound of panting and low growling filled the hall. A green shape, low and lean flew out from behind her. It closed the gap between them in three strides flat. It’s eyes glowed red, and white teeth slavered toxic green. Wes’ voice stuck in his throat and he couldn’t scream, he squeezed his eyes shut and hoped he’d wake up.

Wes felt the air stir in front of him, and he heard a meaty crunch followed by a deafening caterwaul. His eyes flashed open to see the mountain lion-like creature picking itself up off the ground on the other side of the hall. And directly in front of him, it was another human shape, another ghost. They had white hair and a black jumpsuit on.

“Bad kitty! What, did someone forget the catnip?” It was a guy’s voice that echoed around the hall. The shape cast a glance over his shoulder at Wes. He gulped down a breath, it was a boy about his age. His eyes glowed the same neon toxic green that painted the hall in its supernatural light. He looked like he was about to say something, when the big cat hurled itself at his flank. Its massive front paws slammed into his midsection and they disappeared into the wall.

The shepherd moved towards him, and Wes felt like he was going to pass out or throw up. Maybe both, both sounded okay. She was focused entirely on him as she drifted over the floor. She was four feet away, and the expression etched onto her dead face made his stomach twist. This was worse, this was way worse than even the nightmares. Her empty eyes leaked tears.

“It’s dangerous. There’s predators.” She lifted a hand like she was trying to reach for him. A blast of green light suddenly filled his vision, and the girl let out a scream. She was slammed backwards into a set of lockers and she slipped down to the ground. Wes’ gaze snapped to where the blast of energy had come from and saw the ghost boy. He was floating six feet off the ground, and his right hand was glowing green. He had a long deep slash across his side that was oozing and dripping globby green ectoplasm.

“I’ve never seen you before,” he said. “What do you want?” his tone of voice was firm and sharp, it felt like ice. The girl looked up at the boy. She opened her mouth and screamed. It was a raw terrible thing that petered off into an agonized gurgle. The ghost boy arched a brow, but before he could say anything else the Shepherd melted into the wall.

“Shit,” the ghost puffed. He turned his eyes to Wes and he stiffened again. Right, he wasn’t exactly out of the woods yet. “You must be new here. Piece of advice, run away next time, okay dude?” The ghost boy looked up at the ceiling that still had the alarms blaring and rolled his eyes. In the next instant he shot through the wall where the shepherd ghost had disappeared.

Wes let out a breath and sunk to the floor, shivering from head to toe. What the hell was that?

#danny phantom #danny fenton #ectober2020 #phandom #phan phic #danny phantom fic #wes weston #kyle weston

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bexterbex · 4 years

Text

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 10

Warning, if it hasn’t been obvious in the movies there is Nazi symbolism within the First Order. I will expand on this much more throughout the story. If this is something that bothers you, please just exit the story. The author does not condone any Nazi ideals, this is just for fictional uses only.

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

Originally posted on my Ao3 Crystallclover (If you can’t find it here)

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7a | 7b | 8 | 9a | 9b |

Let me know what you think in the comments.

Chapter 10: Of Pageantry and Health

Summary: “It is an honor to meet you, ma’am,” said General Pryde who bowed slightly. This made you feel weird, being treated as something you are not, or at least not yet.

_______________________________________________________________________

Now strapped in the general received a message on his data pad. “The Supreme Leader would like it if I talked you through how this evening will go, both at the public address and when we return to the Steadfast tonight. Once the first step of First Order occupation of Earth is complete, the Supreme Leader will leave a general in charge and you will be taken to the Supremacy,” said Allegiant General Armitage Hux.

“May I take some notes,” you ask. The general nodded and you proceeded to take out a small notebook from your work tote.

“Tonight you will not be on main display at the public address but you will be present. At precisely 7 PM EST the Supreme Leader will give his public address on the dais outside the White House to all media. It will be brief but effective, then I will give my own public address immediately afterward once that it is finished it will be the first time your planet will hear the First Order anthem, which will conclude the address. You will most likely be standing off to the side with the other High Command officers. Once the address has been concluded you will be taken to an Upsilon-class command shuttle, Supreme Leader Ren’s private shuttle, and you will be escorted by TIE fighters to the Steadfast,” the general said pausing as you were struggling to keep up with the information. When he had seen that you had caught up he continued.

“When you embark on the Steadfast there will be a full salute from on-duty officers and a battalion of stormtroopers in the hanger bay. You and he will probably pause, you behind him, and they will salute and you will go on your way to his quarters. He will probably give you a tour of the Steadfast tomorrow morning or that evening if there is time. Moving about the ship you will use your FOI to gain access to different places,” noted the general.

“You will also notice that day and night on the ship are simulated when the night is simulated the lights and hallways of the ship are darker. The worker shifts are split up into 6-hour increments, Alpha from 04:00-10:00 hours, Beta from 10:00-16:00 hours, Gamma 16:00-20:00 hours, and Delta from 20:00-04:00. Currently, we are matching Earth’s cycle and matching to EST, as that is most convenient for the Supreme Leader and High Command Officers. This should be something worth noting as we have yet to have a base planet so you may be spending lots of time onboard ships,” said the general.

You caught up to the general again now realizing something, “I wasn’t given a First Order Identification number. I didn’t really finish my registration, they escorted me in the middle of it I believe.”

“Yes, I’ll pull up your file,” he said while pulling out a data pad. “That is easy for your identification

The number is AA-0002. The Supreme Leader’s is AA-0001. That should be easy for you to remember but I will have dog tags commissioned for you so you will not have to enter it every time you want to change basic access rooms.” With that, you saw him type in some messages into the data pad and he returned back to you. “Do you have any other questions so far? We are almost there.”

“I will just be standing off to the side during the public address and will not need to do anything else, correct,” you ask.

“Correct, unless the Supreme Leader asks you to, but I doubt he will make you do anything more today.” Then the pilot informed the general of your arrival back at the White House and you departed the ship. This time you were graced by the presence of the Supreme Leader himself.

“Do you have everything you need,” asked Kylo, his voice still distorted under the mask.

“I believe so. How much time until your address,” you ask.

“An hour, we can return to the sitting room if you would like,” you nodded in response. Kylo had ordered a junior officer to take your bags to his ship. You took your phone and notebook out of your work tote before handing it over. You followed Kylo to the same red sitting room you were in before. He ordered a junior officer to bring you some refreshments. Once the officer left he took off the helmet. “I hope that your flights today weren’t too exhausting.”

“They were fine, more like long car rides than flights. Did your meeting last the entire time while I was gone,” you asked.

“No, I have had two more since then. Trying to bring your home planet up to speed. Today we discussing health regulations. Unfortunately, many people on your planet are behind on simple things such as vaccinations and health check-ups, some places lake basic hygiene. Along with education, this is a priority within the First Order. Unfortunately, this will make the first step much longer. I have had to call upon the Finalizer to be based here so we can speed up the process but even with light speed they will take 3 days two get here,” commented Kylo.

There was a knock on the door which prompted him to put on his helmet. He told the junior officer to come in and leave the tray of coffee and light snack food. Once the officer had left he removed his helmet and joined you. “I hope you don’t mind we will be eating dinner on board the Steadfast tonight after the address.”

You shook your head no in response, enjoying your coffee. “The general informed me of how tonight was going to go, I assumed because we were getting back so close to the address and that we would be leaving right after that this was a possibility.”

You saw him give a ghost of a smile at this. You had so many questions you wanted to ask but now didn’t seem to be the time, nor the place. Finishing your coffee and a light snack you placed your cup back on the tray.

There was a knock on the door, Kylo once again put on his helmet and told whoever was at the door to come in.

General Hux walked in, “Supreme Leader, the preparations for the address are about to begin. It has been requested that we go to the dais.”

“Very well,” responded Kylo who moved to stand. You followed his lead and followed both of them down the hall and out to the front lawn.

There you could really see what you only saw on the tv the past few days. The large red banners, the battalion of stormtroopers. The line of officers off the side of the stage. The huge number of media personnel, waiting for your arrival. While Kylo took to the stage the general took the time to bring you to the other officers and instructed you that General Pryde would help you during the address.

“It is an honor to meet you, ma’am,” said General Pryde who bowed slightly.

This made you feel weird, being treated as something you are not, or at least not yet.

“If you will stand next to me, we shall be standing during the whole address. During the anthem stand at attention and place your left hand over your heart, I believe you do something similar for the U.S. anthem anyways,” said the general with an eerie air about him.

You moved to stand next to him. He on the outside of the aisle in the front row and you the next person in line. About 20 other officers were in your row and about for rows deep were the ones present. You glanced up at the stage knowing it would be soon that the address would begin, you saw Kylo glance in your direction to you it seemed as if he was looking directly at you, but with the mask, you couldn’t be sure. But you swore he was looking at you, a small shock went through your spine and made you break your unknown eye contact. 7 PM struck.

Kylo or Supreme Leader Ren began to speak, “The First Order takes pride in the health of its citizens. Currently, the health of your planet is substandard to the high standards that the First Order keeps.

When intergalactic trade becomes available to Earth you will be exposed to a number of possible new diseases. The First Order takes many precautions to the health of its citizens so a new mandatory health regime will begin once you have been registered.

Vaccines against intergalactic diseases will be administered. This is so we can preserve life and prevent any death that we can.

First Order citizens are the healthiest and happiest in the galaxy. We are pleased that Earth will now be brought up to speed medically. That is all.” With that, he stepped back from the podium and Allegiant General Hux stepped forward.

“Starting tomorrow alongside registration stations you will find medical facilities to be able to receive these new vaccines and health check-ups. Only once you are registered may you receive these vaccines. Once you have received this health check-up you will receive a health schedule and regime along with standard-issue medications from the top of the lIne First Order medical staff.

It is paramount that all First Order citizens take their health seriously. A strong individual makes for a strong empire. A strong and healthy citizen is a good citizen within the First Order. Any citizen who has an issue with this health regime should direct their comments and concerns to any Stormtrooper or First Order officer at their local health station. Personal health is part of the foundation of organizational purity.” With that, the general stepped back and Kylo stepped forward.

The anthem started, TIE fighters flew overhead in a blue angels sort of style. There were no words being spoken. The anthem had a march-like quality to it, and a dark one too. At the end

You saw all of the officers and stormtroopers raise their left hand into the air as a sort of salute. Kylo had his left hand over his heart in a fist with his index and thumb showing. You kept your position as it was what General Pryde had instructed you to do.

Once Kylo dropped his hand the officers did too and then the stormtroopers. He moved to leave the stage as did General Hux.

“Follow me,” said General Pryde. And you did, he brought you over to where a large closed book looking ship was, and where Kylo and General Hux where along with the silver armored stormtrooper you know to be Captain Phasma.

Kylo gestured for you to enter the ship first, which was somewhat of a shock to the generals, but you obliged. You entered and paused not knowing where you were to sit. Kylo was right behind you. He sat in the middle right, you sat to the left of him and started to buckle. Once you were buckled in he reached over to check the straps, to make sure they were secured. This made you blush and sneak a peek at him. He glanced up at you, although still wearing his mask you felt as if you locked eyes for a second before he sat back in his seat and buckled himself. The pilot informed you of departure and you were off to the Steadfast.

#kylo ren #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo x you #first order #sw first order imagine #star wars first order #first order propaganda #general pryde #armitage hux #sw sequels #sw #Star wars soulmate au #a soul to mend his own

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kayteewritessteve · 4 years

Text

Beautifully Unfinished - 5/8

Description: One foolish outburst, one moment of weakness at the worst possible time, and everything goes up in smoke. Who knew finally voicing your true, deep-rooted feelings, would lead to the complete destruction of your most cherished friendship?

Masterlist HERE.

Word Count: 4,580 ish.

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: PG.

Warnings: Curse words. Lots of angst. But if you’ve read my stories before, then you know how this will end.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

First Careers.

You quickly make your way down the busy sidewalk, trying to make up for the few extra minutes it took to get out of work. You’d been working for Avengers Publishing House for 3 weeks now, and were loving it so far. Though it was a lot of work and you didn’t really have much free time anymore. You barely got to see your best friends lately, you all just starting on your career paths and slowly figuring out your own lives and new jobs.

Bucky had just passed his bar exam, and had started at a prestigious law firm about 2 weeks ago. You hadn’t seen much of him lately, but you kept each other informed on your day to day lives via text. He was enjoying the new job, but made it very clear that it was a learning curve and very draining work. Going from school life, to the working force was a shell shock for sure. Yes, you had all the book knowledge, but none of the real word experience, so new jobs were a lot to take in at first. You all figured they would be, but not to this extent. But he was happy, and thriving in his career choice, so that’s what truly mattered.

Steve had gotten a paid intern position at the MoMA, it was a once in a lifetime experience and he was over the moon for being chosen for the spot. But he had busted his ass to get it and you couldn’t have been prouder of him or his accomplishments. This was a huge stepping stone for him and his career, and from here more doors would be opened for him, and he’d have many more exciting and fulfilling opportunities in the future. He’d been there for 3 weeks now, having started damn near directly after leaving school.

And you, we’ll you’d been offered a Junior Editors position with Avengers, a very well known and reputable publishing house in Manhattan. It was the first stop on the climb to your dream job, and you were overjoyed with the opportunity to join their team. You’d always loved reading, and at a young age you’d figured out that being a publisher was right up your alley. And now that you had your foot in the door, you’d been entirely right on that thought. But it was a lot of work, late hours and spending your weekends at home and making your way through the stack of manuscripts you’d been given on a deadline.

So you had barely seen the guys over the last few weeks, you’d have the odd small coffee meets on rushed lunch breaks. Or the odd night you’d get together for your traditional weekly BFMMN™ (Best Friend Movie and Munchie Night.) But lately it was less of a tradition, and definitely not weekly. And when you did manage to come together, you’d all usually be out of it and exhausted, so the conversation was non-existent or minimal, at best. You all just being happy in the presence of your best friends, even in utter silence. It was better than nothing.

But today, you were all meeting for dinner, going out to finally celebrate your new jobs and your introductions to the working force. And in Classic You form, you’d lost track of time and were now running late. As per usual.

The restaurants sign finally comes into view and you pick up the pace a little, maneuvering through the swarms of people that always seemed to crowd the city sidewalks. But especially directly after working hours, all the people moving to and from their jobs, their homes and various businesses along the streets. Going to meet friends, to grab coffee or just take a leisurely stroll.

You weren’t taking a leisurely stroll currently though, you were damn near throwing elbows to get to the restaurant in a timely manner. You weren’t super late, by any means, but late was late, and awarded you less time with your best friends. Which wasn’t okay, at all. Not lately at least, not with how little you’d seen either of them the last few weeks.

You’d planned this dinner with them a few weeks ago, to make sure you all were free and clear, and wouldn’t miss it for anything else. You’d made the guys swear to set reminders in their phones so no one forgot or made other conflicting plans tonight. Come hell or high water, you were having dinner with your friends, and then the three of you were returning to your place after, for a few drinks and a movie. There was no getting out of it this time, you needed a fun, relaxing night with your guys, desperately.

You reach the entrance to the restaurant and quickly pull open the door, finding a beautiful young woman standing behind a podium. She asks for the reservation name, and you give her yours as you’d set it up. She smiles, informing you that only one other person has arrived so far and then leads you to the back where the table is.

As your eyes scan the room quickly, they land on a glorious head of blonde hair and a large involuntary smile takes over your face. Stevie, you should have guessed he’d be here first, he was always on time, or in most cases, early.

You also shouldn’t have been so worried about being a few minutes late, as Bucky always showed up last. You were positive that the guy treated being fashionably late like it was a dang character trait. He took it seriously, and never showed up on time, not even remotely.

He ran on his own clock and you’d actually lied to him a few times over the years, giving him incorrect early start times for important things, so that he’d end up late for the fake start time, but right on time for the real one. He’d always chuckle the second he arrived and saw the smug and satisfied expressions on yours and Steve's faces at him accidentally, yet strategically, arriving on time. Though you couldn’t pull that trick too often, or it would cease to work, so you had to pick your battles, and only use it in important or dire situations.

You make your way towards the table, and Steve, admiring the unfairly beautiful angle, even if it was the back of his head. But that wasn’t a shock, the guy was gorgeous and looked outstanding from all sides. It was wholly unfair and a rather large piss off, if you were honest, the guy didn’t have a bad angle anywhere. All hard lines, muscles and taut tanned skin. Then his perfect blonde hair and mesmerizing deep blue eyes, he was the walking embodiment of perfection in your eyes, and probably in many other people's eyes as well.

As you get closer to the table, you notice he is hunched forward a little and looking down, and it doesn’t take a rocket doctor to guess that he probably has his illusive sketchbook out. You have always known, from early on, that Steve loved to draw. He took his sketchbook everywhere with him and pulled it out whenever he was waiting, or no one was watching. But you’d only ever seen a few of his sketches, he was very secretive about his artwork. He didn’t like to show it off and the odd time he did, he was always humble yet embarrassed by it. Saying that it either wasn’t finished yet, or wasn’t that good.

You’d praise the artwork every time though, and not because you were his best friend, but because it was genuinely always amazing. He had a real talent, if he could just get over his insecurities and actually show his work off to the world, he’d see just how honest your praises really were.

But he’d always shrink away at the mention of showing people, saying he didn’t draw for recognition, but instead just for him. It was his stress relief and he only drew whatever caught his eye or inspired him that day. Like little snapshots of his life that were just for his eyes, and his eyes only.

You gave up trying to persuade him to share his art with the world, hell, to even just share it with you and Buck. And instead you’d just leave the topic entirely alone, it wasn’t your place to demand anything from him, especially if it made him uncomfortable. Or felt like you were pulling teeth. So you’d dropped the whole art thing completely, and instead just left it up to him to decide what, and when, he shared it with you. And each time he’d show you a little something, you lapped it up with eager enjoyment and locked away the mental snapshot forever. Taking any little morsel he offered and loving it as brightly as you could.

The fact he even showed you anything, spoke volumes to you. Made you feel so immensely special to be one of the select few who got to actually set eyes on his artwork.

“Whatcha drawing, Stevie?” You asked abruptly as you reached the table, pointedly not looking at his sketchbook out of respect for his art privacy. You quickly took your jacket off, hanging it on the back of your chair before taking the seat across from him.

Steve calmly, but promptly, shut the book and glanced up at you, no matter how many times you tried to startle him, it never worked. The guy had eyes on the back of his head, you swear. He smiled at you, before tucking the book and pencils away in his messenger bag. “Just the things around me. Ya know, the usual,” he shrugged.

You just nodded, averting your eyes to the menu in front of you, as you picked it up and glanced over the options. “Sorry I’m late, got tied up at work,” you pause, glancing around the table playfully before locking eyes with Steve and smirking. “But I see the Jerk is keeping up his personally appointed job of making me always feel on time,” you chuckled, and Steve did as well.

“Well, you know him, he always has to arrive last so we can all fully appreciate his outfit choice,” he grins and shakes his head, picking up his own menu also.

You both fall into a silence, it’s not exactly awkward, but it’s not exactly comfortable either. You and Steve have sort of drifted since he started dating Hailey, not so much physically but more mentally. You still hang out as a group, but no longer just the two of you. And you still talk, but no longer as deeply, it’s mainly surface stuff now. Your jobs, your families, your day to day lives.

He doesn’t talk about Hailey with you often, if at all, he keeps pretty mum about her actually. Barely even saying her name in your presence unless he absolutely has to. No lie, you're thankful for that, but also not at the same time, especially since their third date they’ve been damn near inseparable. Spending almost all their free time together, but he still makes the effort to join in on the group stuff. And luckily for you, he’s never once brought Hailey along, he’s never even asked, not once. He seems to understand and respect that your group time is just for your little circle of 3.

But it’s not that she wouldn’t be welcome to join, every once and awhile. You’d suck up your stupid jealous bullshit here and there, if you had to. She made Steve happy, from the small things you’d heard, and could perceive in your childhood best friend. So having her around the odd time, you could deal with, you weren’t a complete asshole. But yet you liked that he never brought her around, for the sake of your heart, but not that he did it for that reason. God no, he still had no clue of your feelings, and to this day, you’d still never voiced them aloud.

You guessed he never invited her more for the sake that you and Bucky were his friends, his best friends, and sometimes he just needed time away from Hailey. Time to just be a party of one, with people who truly knew him. He had his separate friends that he shared with Hailey, and she had her own friends that were entirely her own. It was a mutual thing for them, their own ways to escape and get the time they needed away from each other, so that the relationship didn’t feel smothering or overbearing. Little spaces here and there are so important, and needed to keep a relationship healthy and thriving. To keep it from turning toxic and becoming too codependent, because that was never a good thing.

Plus you figured he kept her separated because the three of you had so much history, that Hailey may have felt left out or like an outsider to, as she wasn’t around for most of your friendship. Nor was she present for many of the big, and memorable moments that you all reminisced about or brought up often.

Whatever his true reasonings were, you were just secretly thankful for them. And for the fact you had your guys entirely to yourself, whenever you got together. Yes, it was selfish, but most humans hate change, and with certain things, you weren’t any different. You were entirely human, after all.

“Works going okay?”

“Hmm?” You hum, lifting your eyes to find Steve studying you now, his focus no longer on his menu. How long was he staring at you? You have no clue. Are you positive that your slightly disheartened thoughts were clear as day on your face, and that he probably saw them all? Oh 100%, judging by the concerned look on his face currently. You clearly really needed to work on your poker face, it had obviously deteriorated in the last few weeks, what with your lack of needing to use it. “Oh, yeah,” you plaster on your signature fake smile. “Work is going great. How about you? How’s the prestigious MoMA treating you?”

His eyes light up, like they always do when he is excited about something. “It’s amazing, Y/N. Everyone has been so helpful and very knowledgeable. I’ve learned more in the last 4 weeks than I did in my entire time at school.” He chuckles, “or at least it feels like I have.”

“That’s wonderful to hear, Steve. I’m so happy you are enjoying it so much,” you smile fondly at him. This one a real smile for once. “No one deserves this experience as much as you, as you busted your ass in school.” You grin cheekily at him, “and I’d know, I was the one who had to drag you out of the library weekly, to force you to eat a real meal.”

“Isn’t that the truth,” He laughs at that, “did I ever properly thank you for single handedly keeping me alive back then?”

You place a finger on your chin as you hum, in feigned deep thought then shake your head. “Not that I can remember. But I take praise and apologizes in the form of baked goods, if you forgot.”

He smirks and shakes his head, “oh, I didn’t forget. Not for a damn second, not when a dozen cookies saved my ass more than a few times with you, throughout the years.”

“That they did,” you laugh, nodding in agreement to his words. “How’s Hailey?” The words slip from your mouth unfiltered and you want to kick yourself. Yet, you are curious how things are with them, you just should have waited till Bucky was here to act as a buffer. Because your conflicting thoughts on the topic of Steve's relationship caused you to do and say the dumbest things when she was occasionally brought up.

You were happy that he was, you truly wanted the best for him. But you still carried this ridiculous torch for him, and it hurt a little every time she was brought up. You were selfishly jealous of her, or maybe less of her, and more of the man she got to call her own. The one man you always wanted that privilege with, but would never get. You knew that, but just couldn’t fully come to terms with it. Maybe one day you would, maybe one day she could be brought up and you wouldn’t cringe internally and feel your heart crack a little more each time.

“Ah, good. She’s good,” he nods, focusing back on his menu. “What looks good here?”

You take a silent deep breath in, your abrupt question luckily not sullying the mood. “I was thinking the Cordon Bleu Chicken Burger sounds fantastic,” you hum, glancing over the options, “but then the Teriyaki Chicken Rice Bowl looks amazing as well.” You groan, “ugh, why can I never just pick one? Why do I always get stuck between two choices, and then literally have to decide when the waitress appears and asks what I want?”

Steve chuckles, “and then you instantly regret your choice the second the waitress walks away.”

You are just about to refute that, but a new voice joins the mix. “But then once the food arrives, she goes on and on about how good of a choice she made. And how great the food is.”

You snap your eyes over and see a grinning Bucky walking towards your table. He takes his jacket off and hangs it on the back of his chair before taking a seat in the spot beside Steve.

“Okay, I’m not that bad,” you defend and playfully roll your eyes at the guys chuckling and shaking their head in disagreement of your words.

“Oh, you totally are,” Bucky reaffirms for good measure.

Which causes you to laugh, “okay, fine, maybe I am. But just a little.”

“Try a lot,” Steve corrects and you sigh deeply, jokingly. Which causes you all to laugh before exchanging your fond hello’s, and asking Bucky the basic life update questions, before you all focus on the menu to make your selections before the waitress appears.

Once the food is ordered, you having once again left the choice to the last minute and then just threw your pick at the waitress like always, the three of you fall into a comfortable and familiar conversation. Taking about the ‘good old days’ and the more in-depth topics.

The food arrives and you all enjoy it, immensely. And once again, you are completely happy with your choice, like the guys mentioned, and your momentary panic for possibly ordering the wrong thing, also like they mentioned, flies out the window. Like every other time, which is so Classically You—as Bucky had pointed out directly after you’d all finished eating. Causing Steve to laugh and you to glare fondly at the large brunette.

Dinner goes well but just as the three of you are paying your separate bills, Steve’s phone rings and he pulls it from his bag, apologizing for forgetting to put it on silent. As was the Rule for group night, that being put in place back in high school when Bucky’s phone had gone off damn near the entire night and he’d ended up essentially ignoring you and Steve to reply to all his ‘fans’ as you’d dubbed them. So you’d implemented a silent phone policy, which basically meant no phones allowed on BFMMN™.

He steps away for a moment, saying it’s Hailey and promising to be quick. You sigh quietly to yourself and stand with Bucky, waiting for Steve to return.

“Hopefully everything’s okay,” you comment softly, slightly irked for the interruption to group night, but also a little worried as Hailey is usually super respectful of your group time. She normally never bothers Steve while he is with you, another thing you are really thankful for. You’re happy he found someone who isn’t overly intrusive or overbearing, she is good for him, as much as you hate to admit it, it’s the truth.

“I’m sure it is, she probably just can’t find the TV remote again,” Bucky shakes his head and his words cause you to furrow your brows and glance up at him.

“What?” You ask confused. Why would she call for something like that? “What do you mean?”

Bucky purses his lips, looking like he just realized he said too much. But why would he feel like that? “Ah, it’s nothing, really. She does it all the time,” he shrugs it off.

What the hell? “Does what all the time? Loses the TV remote?”

“No,” he sighs, scratching the side of his head, it’s a nervous tick of his, he does it whenever he is trying to find the right words. Which only intrigues you more. “Constantly calls him for silly little pointless things. I think she does it to ‘check in’ on him. Make sure he is where he says he is. I’ve mentioned my thoughts about it to Steve, but he just waves them off and says she is just forgetful.”

“Wait, wait,” you put up a hand as if to pause the conversation. “What are you going on about? She doesn’t call all the time. She’s never called him on group nights in the past.”

Bucky gives you a weird assessing look, “yes, she has. Every time, and multiple times per night. But Steve is usually really good with shutting his phone off before he joins us, so that it doesn’t go off constantly while we are all together.” He grins and in Classic Bucky form, he tries to fix the strange awkward atmosphere with humour. “I think you scared the Jesus out of him—or into him, whichever, when you snapped at me that one time for my phone going off all night. Since that night, he’s made it his life’s mission to never be on the receiving end of your cranky outbursts about phone etiquette during group time,” he chuckles. Then jokingly cringes, “You’re scary as hell when you're mad.”

“I had no idea,” you say quietly. Here you’d just finished praising the woman in your mind for her ‘respect’ for group night. When really, that clearly isn’t the case. How did you never know about this?

“I think that was kind of the point.”

“Why does she check in on him so much?” You ask curiously.

“I don’t know. I suspect it might have something to do with you, though.”

“Me?” You quickly ask, “what the hell? Why?”

“She has always had this weird fixation on you, for some reason she thinks there is something more between Steve and you.”

Leave it to Bucky to always give you the real tea, he may not come out and say it right away, but if it ever comes up and you ask him about it, he never lies or avoids the truth. He always tells you how he sees it, how it is, and you’ve always adored that about him. There’s no sugarcoating, and no bullshit, it’s just his own honest opinions on things.

“But we are just friends?” You asked confused, though it’s less a question and more a statement. “What could she possibly be worried about? There are no feelings like that between us.” Which is partially true, from Steve’s side at least. However it’s a complete and blatant lie from yours, but no one knows that—for sure—aside from you. Bucky raises a disbelieving brow at you, but doesn’t comment on your words.

“She seems to think otherwise.” He shakes his head, “But don’t worry too much about it, it’s always been this way and her insecurities are her own. Ya know, since both you and Steve have always been so adamant that you’re just friends.” He pauses, giving you a little side eye before continuing, once again making you aware that he probably does know of your true feelings for Steve. “She’ll either come to realize that, eventually, or she won’t, but that’s on her. Not you. And at the end of the day, it’s between her and Steve, they have to work it out themselves. Don’t stress too much about the things you can’t control.”

You nod, feeling a little guilty for possibly causing an issue in Steve’s relationship. But also slightly irked at the fact you’re just finding out about this now. And at the new realization that she doesn’t come around because she most likely doesn’t like you, when you’ve never done a damn thing to her. Or to warrant her disliking you that much. How fucking rude is that? You may not exactly like her either, but at least you’d suck it up and be civil, you do respect her and Steve’s relationship, and would never interfere with it. Ever. In any form.

Yet, she doesn’t seem to hold those same sentiments, as it turns out, and she tries to interfere with your friend time often. Go figure, you’d have never known that, if it weren’t for Steve forgetting to turn his phone off this time. Before you can think any further on this all, Steve returns looking for a split second like he is exhausted.

But the second his drained eyes meet yours, a light flickers in them and he smiles at you. It almost looks fake at first to your knowledgeable eyes, but you shake your head and ignore that thought as he approaches you both.

“Sorry about that, Hailey just had a quick question.”

Bucky scoffs quietly and you elbow him, giving him a warning look to zip it. “All good, Steve,” you smile at him. Deciding to not pull on this proverbial string for once, because you may not like where it ends up, and you fear that bringing this up to him will only stand to put more of a riff between you two.

“Should we head out?” You ask, glancing between the two guys, receiving nods then the three of you exit the restaurant and head towards your apartment.

Throughout the night, you keep your mouth shut on the topic of Hailey, Steve is never really forthcoming with you about her, and you’re realizing that it’s probably because of her insecurities about you. About your friendship with him, and you can’t be sure of this, but you're willing to bet that anytime you’re brought up, she probably has something to say about it. Or maybe he doesn’t bring you up at all, he’s never been dumb by any means, and he is probably aware of her feelings towards you. And maybe because he filters you out of his conversations with her, he just unconsciously does the same in reverse. Filtering out her from his conversations with you.

Shit, but who honestly knows? You’re so sick of overthinking every little thing in your friendship with Steve, solely because you refuse to ask him about it. You refuse to bring any of it up. But also mainly because you refuse to add anymore stress onto him. Especially this sort of unnecessary and pointless stress.

The last thing you want to do, is to drive him away, or push him away, because he can’t handle the questions and issues from both sides. Do you deserve more answers? Of course. Are you going to press Steve for them? Fuck no. So instead, you’ll just harass Bucky about it later, privately. But Steve will never know any of it, he’ll never know that you know about any of this.

Cause he’s the one that you can't lose. But he’s the one that you can't win.

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#au fanfiction #fanfiction #long post #long read #marvel au #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #modern!steve rogers x reader #modern!steve rogers #modern!steve #modern au #steve rogers au #Beautifully Unfinished #Part 5

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