Tumgik
#(so there's less avenues to show that)
irregularbillcipher · 8 months
Text
going over old fic notes and outlines and character talks with friends and it's always really funny when i get to the stuff i was developing early-mid 2019 where bill just literally kept kryptos around to rag on, and he genuinely just. did not like the man. like was just completely annoyed with his general existence. boy have things changed
#for anyone curious: i came to the conclusion that no amount of 'this guy sucks but he's fun to bully' would get bill to keep someone around#for like literal eons. bill gets bored of his toys too quickly. he'd break 'em. plus the fact that bill decided he was worth saving to begi#with. there was at first an element of 'i owe the guy' because [FIC SPOILERS] and a grudging 'if i had a gun to my head i'd say he was my#best friend i GUESS but do not tell him that' but no real genuine friendship or anything more#before realizing that with the specific story i was going to tell it just made the most sense to have these assholes still be like.#bad people for sure but to actually care about each other. it also just felt too easy to write bill off as someone whose cruelty is just#a lack of certain emotions. like that doesn't automatically make a bad person and a bad person doesn't automatically lack emotion#(there's a character that'll be introduced sometime soon who is aroace and doesn't make friends easily and she's lovely because...)#(idk man. i'm aroace and why shouldn't she be. a lack of affection doesn't make you bad and the ability to feel it doens't make you good)#so bill can and does love people-- even if actual vulnerability is near impossible to get from him-- and kryptos is included in that#it's just that he still sucks really bad and hurts and even kills people that he loves because again. bad person who has no idea how to#navigate relationships healthily because of his own baggage and the environment he grew up in#(also in canon he usually does not want to navigate relationships healthily because. again. he sucks!)#so the only lasting relationship he's ever had where he isn't trying to hurt someone is still just... messy as hell#(and to be fair kryptos is also a p. bad person by adulthood it's just that they're pretty young at this point in the fic)#(so there's less avenues to show that)#kryptos being desperate for any scrap of attention and bill providing the only attention he's ever gotten was always the vibe#but it really was much more of a 'bully and bulling victim who he lets hang around him because said victim'#'is like the only one willing to talk to him' dynamic which is... very much not the case anymore#as said in the tags of my fic. these awful shapes care about each other as best they can care about anyone#anyway sorry idk how much anyone really cares about these tag essays but theyre helpful for me to get my thought process like... down#and track how different the story used to be
7 notes · View notes
amphibifish · 8 months
Note
Ok I'm gonna jump aboard your train of Fantasies Come True analysis (I know you've analysed it a lot so you might have thought of these points already)
"I swear that when you want me I'm gonna be right there"
Regarding Kate, at first glance it's just her being a soppy romantic, but it's also her saying she's ready to commit to a relationship with Princeton (I'm counting it as foreshadowing).
Among other things, it's another way Rod's juxtaposed to Nicky. Nicky is very overtly supportive to the point of being pushy, enough to make Rod uncomfortable at times. Here Rod is saying that he's going to wait until Nicky's ready to come out to him, then he'll be there for him. He wants to respect Nicky's boundaries and comfort as much as possible (maybe partly because he doesn't know how to reach out by himself? In what I've seen, Nicky is always the one trying to reach out to Rod, never the other way round, until the end of the show. Reaching out to someone shows you care about them, and I personally wouldn't rule out that Rod would struggle with that because he's so damn repressed.)
Bonus observation: during the wedding scene (at least in the video I've got of the show), when Rod says "I have a whole secret life that none of you know about! Not even you, Nicky!", Nicky is physically taken aback. The idea of Rod keeping secrets from him like that is just that shocking to him.
THSI IS SO GOOD i never noticed these things actually !!!
(this is why i lvoe it when u just dump these things in my ask box u always point out things i haven't seen/noticed yet :3)
every time something new is noticed i always love fantasies come true even more it's just the love song ever to me.
6 notes · View notes
inazuma-fulgur · 1 year
Text
Why do 99% of leftists seem to have never questioned their ideas around ownership?
Which is one of the most basic ideas to challenge and still I see almost everyone spread capitalist rhetoric and propaganda, including high profile/educated people
2 notes · View notes
finnlongman · 5 months
Text
When I was an undergrad, I made a point of trying to sidetrack my supervisors as much as possible during supervisions, so that we could go off on a tangent and use up half the time discussing something barely related to my essay, and therefore have less time to dwell on its flaws.
(For those unfamiliar with the Cambridge supervision system, each week you're required to write an essay about a topic you probably knew nothing about before being handed the reading list, and then you spend an hour discussing it one-on-one, or in small groups depending on the subject, with your supervisor, who may be a random PhD student or may be the person who wrote half the reading list, depending on your luck.)
Once, I'd had a particularly bad week and had not written my essay about Scandinavian settlement in England, so I was having a more discussion-based supervision drawing on some bullet points I'd written. This would have been in my first term of first year, if I remember correctly. And we were talking about reasons why Vikings might settle rather than simply raiding, and my supervisor made some comment about them wanting "somewhere to wash their socks".
Sensing a potential avenue for distraction and also genuinely curious, I immediately asked, "Did Vikings wear socks?". My supervisor took the bait, and we passed the next ten minutes discussing a sock found preserved in York, of seemingly Scandinavian make, that would appear to answer that question in the affirmative. I remember very little else from that module, but nine years down the line, I remembered that there was a Scandinavian-style sock found in York.
Anyway, today I showed up to the department's graduate presentations (compulsory) and discovered that the first of the two talks was entirely about this sock. I was honestly so pleased. I now know several more things about this sock! I have some details to pad out my vague understanding that there was something distinctive about how it was made! I have been introduced to the complex question of "did the English wear socks or were they a Scandinavian fashion?"! (Answer: there is no definitive evidence for widespread early English sock-wearing, but textile evidence is complicated, so this may not be conclusive.)
This is probably not what most people took from the "England Before The Normans" paper, but frankly, I never was any good at keeping track of kings. I would rather learn about the socks. And today -- just as in that supervision nine years ago -- I did.
1K notes · View notes
moonchildstyles · 2 months
Note
have you thought about revisiting that anon concept about asterry and his girlfriend watching p*rn? I'm asking for a friend hehe
wordcount: 9.8k+
—————
(Y/N) blinked, staying silent as she took in the conversation around her. This was definitely not the avenue she saw the night taking when Charlotte had opened the second bottle of wine between the few of them. 
"I asked him if he still watched it a lot, like as much as he did before we started dating, but he wouldn't really say no," Emily shared before taking a pull from her wine glass, "He didn't say yes, but all he said was that its different now, don't worry. What is that even supposed to mean? Like, do you watch porn when I go to sleep, yes or no?" 
Charlotte and Sarah both laughed, joining Emily as she smiled around the rim of her wine glass. (Y/N) wanted to laugh along, but she was honestly still a bit thrown off by the topic. 
Truthfully, she didn't know really much about anything that had to do with... pornography. The closest she had were the scenes some of her romantic novels had, and movies that had her adverting her eyes.
Not only was the act of sex demonized growing up—especially before marriage—but anything else that had to do with it. There was no way she was going to risk doing any of her own research should her parents' close monitoring catch even a stray google search. 
After getting out from under their thumb, she didn't have much desire to go looking on that corner of the internet—she had done fine enough up to this point, she figured. Then, of course, she met Harry and there really seemed to be no need for any kind of video when she had him in the flesh.
(Y/N) honestly wondered if she had ever even spoken the word porn aloud, let alone discussed it with anyone else. This conversation was especially jarring given all of the giggling and the unfiltered language. 
"Em," Charlotte piped up, bringing her wine glass to her mouth to cover the wry grin growing on her face, "Have you ever tried watching it with him, though?" 
Feeling her cheeks warming, (Y/N) practically sunk into her skin as if to hide from the conversation. Sarah had mimicked her surprise some, though she was decidedly less shocked into silence. 
"Charlotte!" Sarah bubbled, dark brows raised, "Is that what you do?" 
Another peal of laughter came from the wine-soaked group, though (Y/N)'s reaction was more to fit in with the theatrics. (When it came to topics like these, she didn't want to be quiet even if she wasn't necessarily talkative—being too silent left people wondering if she was uninterested, judging them, and invited questions she wasn't looking to answer). 
She had always figured the viewing of those kinds of videos to be something that was done alone. She couldn't fathom anyone joining in and watching alongside what should be a particularly intimate moment. (Besides, if you had someone to watch them with, why watch them at all when you could be with that person?). 
Charlotte hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth before closing it. Emily nudged her at her side, a mischievous smile on her face. 
"C'mon, spit it out." 
Finally, Charlotte threw her hands up in surrender. "It's honestly not that bad, and I think you should try it." 
"So, you have done it!" Sarah called, bouncing in her spot on the couch, "With Elijah or?" 
"With Elijah, yeah," she settled, the wine getting to her tongue as she didn't mind sharing more details, "I walked in on him one time, and I wanted to be grossed out, but I just wasn't. It ended up working out, and now it's just a thing sometimes." 
Charlotte's ending shrug before taking down a gulp of wine showed the end of her story, though Emily still nudged her as if there was more she could shake out. 
"I don't know if I could do that," Sarah admitted, crossing her legs underneath herself, "I think it would annoy me too much, that Mitch was watching a video like that when he could have just called me or something." 
(Y/N) rolled her lips between her teeth as the conversation then changed, some debate on if videos like that were allowed in relationships. 
She didn't know what she would do if she walked in on Harry watching something like that. While she couldn't really deny that she enjoyed the sight of him playing with himself (something she's shyly learned every time Harry passed his fist over himself before sinking into one of her holes), she wasn't sure what she would think about the inspiration behind the act. There was a part of her that would be offended, she thought, that she was right there and he picked a video over the real thing. Another part of her understood that maybe he wouldn't want to have sex right then, instead opting to take care of himself before moving on. Besides, it wasn't like he had photos of her to look at in the heat of the moment, so she figured she would have to understand. 
There was no use in being jealous of girls in movies anyway. Even if it did kind of hurt her stomach thinking about Harry reacting to them the same way he did to her. 
Around her the conversation had floated elsewhere leaving behind the illicit subject matter for something lighter (a movie Emily had gone to the theater to hate watch only to end up liking it some, and now she was questioning her taste level). She was able to plug into this one much better, that much was evident in the way Sarah had quit giving her small glances as if she knew that (Y/N)'s comfort was twisting. 
Despite now adding her own takes to the conversation and actively engaging outside of a few well placed laughs and head nods, the back of her mind was lagging behind. 
There were questions rattling around that she was sure she wasn't going to be able to keep completely under wraps the next time she saw Harry. 
—————
(Y/N) watched as Harry climbed into bed beside her, comforter pulled up to her chin as she sunk into the warm mattress. He gave her a lopsided smile when he caught her following gaze, her skin warming as she averted her eyes. 
Cuddling in beside her, Harry pulled her close with an arm around her waist, his ankle hooking around hers. She could feel his eyes on her, but when she didn't immediately match his gaze she heard a plume of laughter fall from him, 
"Why won't y'look at me, love?" he smiled, reaching his hand on her waist through the duvet to brush her hair out of her face. 
She shyly kept her eyes on the column of his tattooed throat, following the thorny roses. "You caught me." 
(Y/N) could feel the fan of his laughter as much as she heard it. His hand settled on her cheek then, his fingertips venturing into the baby hairs bordering her hairline. "Yeah, but y'catch me looking at you all the time," he countered, "Jus' lets me know y'like what y'see." 
Using his hand on her cheek, he angled her face towards him once more, forcing her eyes to meet his own. A small smile graced his features, his eyes light with amusement. Tipping his chin just right, he pressed his lips to hers in a delicate kiss. 
When he pulled away his smile had grown, dimples now touching his cheeks as he ran the pad of his thumb over the height of her cheekbone. "Did you have fun tonight, baby?" 
Their dinner date splashed through her head, along with all of the warm feelings she went through while under the dimmed lights. They swapped bites of food, shared a cocktail (Y/N) really wanted to try but was worried it would be too strong, and Harry pulled out any joke he could in hopes of hearing her bubbling laughter through the restaurant. 
Nodding her head against the pillow, her own smile took her features, leaving her cheeks mushed between Harry's hand and the soft of her pillow. "A lot of fun. Thank you for taking me." 
His hand slipped down the slope of her form, settling on the sup of her waist before he gave a gentle squeeze. When (Y/N) reacted with a bubble of laughter, Harry's eyes swam with adoration. 
"I had fun too, baby," he crooned, "Thank you for coming with me." 
With the low lights and the gentle way he spoke to her, (Y/N) felt like she was supposed to be tired. It was kind of her thing, anyway—being sleepy and decidedly ready to pass out whenever. But, that just didn't seem to be the case tonight, her head was too full.
When she had come to his place after class, Harry greeting her at the door, there was a pinging question in the back of her mind that made an abrupt return from the previous night. As much as she wanted to blurt it out, get the curiosity out of the way, it didn't feel entirely appropriate to ask her boyfriend about his porn habits just after walking through the door. That much was made even more apparent given the fact that Mitch greeted her a few minutes later, trekking from his room to the kitchen with a small wave. Then, Harry had told her he had plans to take her out to dinner that night, and there was no way she was asking such a question in the middle of a restaurant. 
There was never good time it seemed, to sate her curiosity and learn her own perspective on what her friends had been talking about. No time better than right now, anyway.
She just had to find some kind of courage to go along with the timing. 
Shuffling closer, the sheets shifting around them, Harry pressed a small kiss to her forehead, right over a crease she hadn't realized was scrunching the skin. "What's going on in here?" he cooed, "You're thinking too hard before bedtime, love." 
"I just—" she bubbled off before stopping her tongue. She swallowed, a pinch appearing between her brows. "There was something... I don't know." 
There were no words that felt comfortable in her mouth, nothing that she could feasibly hear herself saying when it came to the questions she had. (Honestly, she couldn't understand how she was able to utter some of the things she did for Harry between the sheets and now shy away over pornography). 
His hand on her waist was a stern anchor, the grip just tight enough to remind her that he was there. "'S alright, y'can tell me. What is it?" 
Gone was the amusement and the soft teasing he had offered up to her before, instead his voice growing soft and forgiving. Patience now settled in his eyes as he waited on her. 
Dropping her own gaze to dance around his features, she distracted herself with the spray of fine freckles on his nose. "The girls last night, they said something that I've just been... thinking about I guess." 
The warmth of his gaze traced over her own features. "What was it? It wasn't anything rude, right?" 
"No, no, no," (Y/N) rushed out, matching his gaze to show her sincerity. All of those girls were her friends, and Sarah would also never let anything like that happen around her. "It was—I don't know, it feels weird to say it." 
Harry's expression relaxed now that he knew he wasn't there to be nursing any wounds. "We've said a lot of weird stuff to one another, baby. I think I can handle it." 
She couldn't look him in the eye when she tried to speak again, instead dropping back to the tattooed skin of his neck. Her hands between them reached to take his shirt between her fingers, the faded graphic on the material distracting her just enough. 
"They were talking about porn." Her heartbeat sounded in her ears. "With their boyfriends." 
There was a pause, though (Y/N) could feel his unwavering eyes on her face. 
"Okay," he finally shared, the syllable slow as it dropped from his tongue, "That's what's been on your mind?" 
Folding her bottom lip between her teeth, she tried to find the next set of words that made sense. "I-I have questions. I think." 
Harry's expression broke into a soft smile she could hear through the delicate huff of laughter he let out. "You think?" 
Peeking up at him through her lashes, she saw his eyes bare of liner, the planes of his face relaxed and rounded, and his hair pushed away from his face leaving it all on display. He didn't look at all bothered by her avenue of conversation, leaving him to be the always open book he was for her, willing and ready to answer anything she needed. 
"Yeah," she said, settling into her skin some, "I knew what they were talking about, but I don't think I really understand it all. I thought I could ask you, if it wasn't weird." 
"Never weird, love," Harry shared, "You know 'm always here to answer anything y'need help with." 
(Y/N) blinked, tipping her chin in a short nod. "Okay, but if there's anything you don't want to answer, you don't have to." 
"'M sure I can answer ever—" 
"Do you watch porn?"
Practically cringing at the sound of her voice wrapped around that question and the fact she spoke it aloud right to Harry, (Y/N) wanted to curl up in hopes of disappearing. 
"Sorry," she started, her voice barely a peep, "I didn't mean to cut you off." 
Harry looked at her for a lingering moment, his brows raised high over his eyes before he melted some. An amused smile sat on his lips, a small puff of laughter exhaling from his lungs. "'S alright," he offered, his hand on her waist squeezing just enough, "Not what I was expecting, but 's okay.
"To answer your question," he drawled, "No, I don't—not since you, really. No need to when I've got my own pretty star, huh?" 
His lips molded into a teasing smile, but lopsided as he pressed forward hoping to catch a small grin from her. 
Keeping her shy gaze dropped, (Y/N) couldn't keep her lips from curling. There was a bit of pride from the flattery; he didn't need any videos when he had her instead. She was enough to satisfy him, and that was a nice thought even if it was a bit in the gutter. 
Spotting her shy smile, Harry let out a plume of laughter before he dropped a kiss to the tip of her nose. Knowing him, he probably already knew what was going on in her head, even if she didn't say it aloud. 
"Is that all y'wanted to know, my love?" 
Her fingers in his shirt curled just a bit more, as if she were bracing herself for this next string. "One of the girls, she said something about her and her boyfriend... watching it together," (Y/N) prattled, her voice growing smaller the more she went on, "Is that normal?"
Harry lagged in his response, taking his time with his fingers fiddling with a pulsing pattern on her waist. "It can be," he offered, "but, 's not for everyone. I've never really talked about that with anyone, but I would imagine it could make people feel closer—sharing something that's usually only done by yourself."
(Y/N) silently nodded her head, taking in his offered information. Truthfully, she wanted to stall, find another inconsequential question to stall him before she was left with the last curiosity she'd had burning in the back of her head. 
The avenue she landed on was barely any less humiliating, but it was easy to fall from her tongue than the other she'd had on deck. She still couldn't meet his eyes as she spoke, bubbling off the question before she could second guess herself. 
"Is that something you would want to try? Like, watching it together and all." 
Skating his hand over the curves of her form, Harry tipped her chin up. Their eyes matching, (Y/N) could see the way he scanned over her features the way he always did when he was attempting to decipher where she was coming from. The lines of his features were softened, rounding into soft curves and gentling the longer her gazed at her.
"Is that something you want to try?" 
Flounder under his pressing, (Y/N) understood what he was going for—she was too shy to explicitly voice all of her wants, so he had to fill in the gaps at times—but was still taken aback none the less. Of course the thought had crossed her mind since the previous night, about what it would be like to sit with Harry and watch a different kind of movie than she usually watched with him, but the idea wasn't exactly the most compelling. 
She wasn't sure if she could really handle watching him watch someone else, and potentially become more turned on than he had even been with her. Nonetheless, she had never actually watched any porn herself, and she wasn't sure if she really had any real inclination to change that. 
But, there was something to be said about the way Harry had described the act: sharing someone to vulnerable, that is usually kept private, with someone you trust. He had a way of making these scenes sound much more romantic than the semantics did. 
"I don't know," she settled on, aware of the intensity in his eyes as he watched her, "I've never really watched anything like that, so I don't think I really understand what that would mean." 
Almost imperceptible, (Y/N) was able to catch the way his brows raised just enough. "Really?" 
Tipping her head in an almost shrug between the sheets, (Y/N) pursed her lips. "It was one of those things, you know." 
That was enough of an explanation to Harry; he knew her growing years and the drilled in obedience that followed her even after leaving home. Despite curiosity, there was no way she would have had the confidence to even make a search, that he knew.
A small curve settled on his lips, patience and understanding sitting in his eyes. "Guess that makes sense then, hm?" 
"Just add it to the list," (Y/N) joked back, a small huff of laughter falling from her lips. 
His hand on her jawline that he had used to tip her face towards him now angled itself towards the curve of her throat. His palm was warm and agnate over her skin, the pad of his thumb stretching to rest on the hinge of her jaw. "Is it something you want to know more about?" 
"Kind of," she answered honestly, sinking into the fluff of the pillow under her head, "But...Really, I think I only care about what y-you like and all of that." 
It was one of the harder admissions, (Y/N) feeling as if she were asking a bit too much into his personal thoughts. If he wanted to share that part of himself, he would have already, she figured. 
The warmth of his thumb on her cheek expanded as he pet a small trail down to the line of her jaw. "I don't really watch it anymore, love, remember?" 
"Yeah, but," she started, resisting the urge to pin her bottom lip between her teeth, "What about before?" 
When Harry paused, (Y/N)'s fingers in her shirt pulsed in an anxious curl. 
"But, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," she quickly attempted to recover, replaying her words and just how pushy they may have come off.
The amused laughter that fell from his lips was enough to reassure her that she hadn't bothered him too much. "'S alright, baby," he murmured, "I was jus' thinking." 
When he didn't immediately offer any extra information, she couldn't help herself—her curiosity was so close to gaining all the answers she needed, she didn't want it to stop now. 
"About what?" she mumbled, watching intently as he just kept thinking.
Only one side of his mouth curled upwards, his smile going lopsided. "If I should tell you, or show you." 
Now, (Y/N) had no choice but to fall silent around her dry throat. Show her?
Harry let out a small laugh at her reaction, unable to hold himself back before he was pressing a gentle kiss to the bridge of her nose between her wide eyes. 
"I take it that I should probably jus' tell you, huh?" he joked, pulling away with a brilliant smile on his lips to match the bright lilypad of his irises. 
Swallowing around her dry throat, (Y/N) spoke up, "Y-You could show me. If you think that would be easier." 
Though the request itself wasn't made with much confidence, she still was surprised it even made its way out of her mouth. Two birds with one stone, she figured, she'd finally see what it—porn—was all about, and learn something new about Harry. 
That was what she was telling herself anyway. 
Raising a single brow over his intense gaze, Harry took in her reaction. "We could do that," he mused, "But, I don't want to do that if it would make y'uncomfortable, love. It can be a bit... much, especially if you have nothing to compare it to." 
Rolling her lips between her teeth, she allowed her gaze to trace along the line of the single stray curl that rested against his temple. "I think I can handle it," she told him, her voice small as she avoided his eyes. 
Shifting his hand on her neck, Harry brought his palm to rest on her cheek. The pad of his thumb ran along the fragile skin under her eyes. "You are brave, aren't you." 
"I try," she murmured, shy smile evident in her voice. 
She could practically see the gears turning in Harry's head, his eyes flashing with just a glint of something she couldn't name. She was hyper aware of his hand once again gliding over her skin until he was carding his fingers through her hair to rest his palm on the back of her head. She matched her gaze to his bashfully. 
"Are you tired, or do y'think y'can stay up a little while longer with me?"
With a flutter of her lashes, and her heart mimicking the act, (Y/N) tugged herself that much closer to him between the sheets. 
"I can stay awake."  His lips turned into a lopsided smile, a single dimple denting his cheek as he gazed at her. (Y/N) could only tip her chin just so when he surged forward, pressing their lips together in a warming kiss. While it was chaste, there was an urgency behind it that she could feel before he pulled away. 
"Lay the other way for me, baby," he instructed with a jerk of his chin, "I need to grab m'phone." When (Y/N) didn't immediately turn to press her back to his chest, Harry lagged, keeping from reaching for his phone on the bedside. "What's wrong, hm?" 
"I don't get to see you?" (Y/N) murmured, barely keeping the whine out of her voice. She preferred seeing his eyes over everything else, knowing that it was him that was touching her. 
A soft hum of laughter fell from his lips. "'S just gonna be a little bit easier this way, love, that's all. I'll still be right here." 
"'Kay," she answered, though she didn't follow his instruction until he pressed another kiss to her puckered lips. 
With that, Harry reached to the bedside table where his phone was resting while (Y/N) twisted in the sheets to lay on her side with her back to his chest. The duvet folded, leaving her arm and back exposed to the chill while Harry took longer than a few moments to do whatever it is he was doing on his phone. 
She could hear the faint taps of his finger against the screen, scrolling and typing before he eventually curled around her. Harry conformed to the shape of her, his sweatpants-clad legs tangling with her bare ones with his arm hooking around her waist to position his phone before the two of them. He shifted the pillow under his head until she could feel the plume of his breath grazing the column of her throat, warm though it still elicited goosebumps to erupt over her skin. 
(Y/N) could feel her heart bubbling in her chest when she dared to peek at what was on his bright screen. Though there was nothing explicit or exposing on the screen, she was sure they weren't too far off with the dark color scheme of the site he had brought up. 
"Are you sure, love?" he murmured, his lips close to her ear, "We don't have to do this if y'don't want to. It can be a lot right away, and I don't want to scare you." 
Folding her bottom lip between her teeth, (Y/N) allowed his words to roll around her head. She wasn't completely naive—she could imagine what the videos would look like, though she doubted it would look or feel the same as it did when she was underneath Harry. But, his earlier definition still stuck with her: this was a small vulnerability he was sharing with her. This is something he would normally have kept so private, but he was willing to bring her in and share something so different with her. 
She could be brave—she could keep her curiosity burning enough to keep from feeling any kind of anxiety. 
"I'm sure," she mumbled, "Thank you." 
Dropping a kiss to her shoulder, Harry hugged her to his chest for a lingering moment. "You tell me if y'change your mind, darling." 
"I will," she assured, despite his words being more of a statement than request. 
Reaching over her, Harry grabbed for his phone and began tapping at the screen. The brightness had lowered from disuse, but was brought back to life from his touch, leaving every frame illuminated once more. Snuggled against his back, (Y/N) watched, her eyes widened once the reality of the site was scrolled through. 
There was already a video pulled up on screen, showing what exactly took him so long to tap through his phone before. (Y/N) blinked, trying to decipher what was in the thumbnail before her. 
From the small snippet she could see—along with the attention grabbing, all caps title—this was a loving couple having morning sex on a Saturday to the sunrise. Very romantic and loving, supposedly. In the picture, she could see the beginnings of a sunrise through a conveniently, perfectly lit bedroom. There were gauzy drapes over their open windows and pristine white linens on their bed—even the creases and folds were artfully tufted around their bodies. (Y/N) couldn't be sure if they were just that perfect, or this was an expertly produced video. She couldn't tell the difference. 
The pair was barely clothed, their faces cut out of frame, leaving their bodies to be the star of the show. The man had tattoos—no where near as many as Harry, but still quite an array. He was undressed down his briefs, where there was a bulge that could be clearly seen against the woman's stomach. She was made of smooth swathes of skin, the ends of her hair visible as it brushed her bare skin before disappearing out of frame, and her chest bare. All (Y/N) could see that was distinctive about her form, was a small tattoo on her thigh in the shape of a red heart outline, contrasting against the white cotton panties sitting on her hips. Their limbs were in a tangle with one another, legs crossed and arms holding one another.
From behind, she could feel the brush of Harry's lips against her throat. "Does this look okay?" 
(Y/N) gave her approval in a small nod of her head, her hair brushing against her pillow. "Have you watched this before?" 
She could hear the curl of his lips in his voice as his words swept across the back of her neck. "A few times, yeah." 
As he spoke, Harry's thumb tapped on the video, pressing play and starting it up. She watched as the frames took over the screen, showing the humble beginnings of the film with the woman crawling over the bedsheets to reach her lover where he was laid back against the pillows. The soft sound of their lips meeting could be heard off screen. 
"W-When?" she asked, her line of questioning a safe distraction from what was going on in front of her. 
The soft sounds of their mouths coming together and parting filtered quietly from his phone. Were they that loud when they kissed too? 
"Not for a while," he reminded her, though his voice dropped lower into a whisper just for her when he spoke again, "Watched it for the first time after that night in my office at the shop though, I remember that." 
"You do?" Her skin warmed at the reminder of that first night—all of the things she learned that night while sprawled out on that couch. 
On video, the man had gripped the woman's hips and settled her atop him from the position she had previously held on all fours. The length of their bodies were pressed together, their faces still just perfectly out of frame to keep everything anonymous. Their kissing had turned rougher, a bit noisier as they sunk into one another. The sun outside their window was casting luminous glares over the scene, giving buttery warmth to their escalating acts. 
Harry's hand on her waist squeezed as he watched. "Yeah," Harry breathed, a heavy kiss landing on the back of her neck, "I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I saw this video and... she kind of looks like you, doesn't she?"
(Y/N)'s breath caught in her throat. There was a moment as the woman moved, her body on display against the heavy tattoos of her partner that had her seeing them in just the right light. 
Cotton panties, bare skin, delicate tattoo, all wrapped in white with the slow sharing of kisses between she and her lover. (Y/N) could see herself in that. 
It was an exhilarating feeling knowing that Harry saw someone so effortlessly sexy, and could see (Y/N) in them. 
She pressed herself against him that much more, her back against his chest. His hand on her waist tightened, as if preparing to keep her just where she was should someone try to steal her away. She could feel the fan of his breath fluttering over her skin as she watched his phone. 
The acts between the couple escalated until the camera caught the way the woman ran her hand down the man's body until she had reached his cock. Her palm was pressed against the bulge, rubbing against it through the fabric of his underwear. He moaned unabashedly off screen, whispering something for only his lover to hear. (Y/N)'s lungs squeezed when she saw the way the dots of wetness seeped over the grey underwear covering him. 
"Wh-What else do you like about this video?" (Y/N) murmured, shifting so her hand was laid over his own on her waist, their fingers tangling together. 
A breathy laugh could be heard from behind her. Harry's voice was just as low as he spoke, "Do y'really want me to talk through the whole thing?" 
"I like hearing you more," she admitted, squeezing his hand in hers. 
A delicate kiss was dropped to her shoulder, the curl of his smile evident in the small contact. "Well, other than her reminding me of my angel," he drawled, a tease to his tone, "'S different than some of the things I used to watch. I liked seeing something gentle." 
(Y/N)'s throat bobbed as she swallowed around her dry throat. Before her, the videoed couple had now moved on to sliding their hands into each other's underwear. The man's face was buried in his lover's neck, showing off a head of dark hair as his moans filtering through the small speakers. The woman's whimpering noises could be heard in tandem with the slick sounds of their hands roaming each other's bodies. 
"What was the other stuff you watched?" Absently, (Y/N) was aware of the way her hips shifted some, rubbing her backside against Harry's front. Behind her, against the curve of her bottom, she could feel something much more rigid than the blocks of his muscle beginning to press into her.
He paused before he spoke, mulling over her question while she watched on screen as the few pieces of clothing covering the couple's bodies were shed. Harry's hand on her waist shifted, leaving her own behind as he pressed his palm into the soft of her stomach. She could feel the pressure of his fingertips on her plush skin just as much as she could see the man on screen press against his lover's thigh in the same way. 
"'Member m'birthday?" he murmured into her skin, his mouth beginning a blazing trail over her shoulder. The tip of his nose caught on the neck of her top, pulling it along with him as he kissed the cuff of her shoulder. 
For a split moment, there was a different movie playing for (Y/N). This one featured she and Harry as the stars, celebrating his birthday between the sheets with his cock sinking into her throat, his palm smacking over her center, and his cum painting over her face. She wondered if he could feel the way her stomach tightened under his hand at the memories. 
"Yeah," she answered simply, the word carried on a warm breath. 
He hummed from behind her, a smug curl on his lips pressing into her shoulder. "Things like that, baby," he explained, "But I started watching things like this after I met you." 
The couple on screen was beginning to find the throes of their passion, now both bare bodied and reaching for one another. There was a part of (Y/N) that wanted to shy away at the sight of two strangers and their naked bodies, their recording of an intimate moment not sitting right in her stomach. There was another part of her that imagined Harry sitting down, pants to his thighs and his hand in his lap, picturing she and him in these spots instead as he fisted his cock. That part of her kept her from drawing her eyes away, urging her to see what he did—see what held his attention while waiting for her to be ready for more than easy touching and kisses in his bedroom.
Her mouth felt dry when she tried to speak again, only to be cut off when Harry's palm grazed the waist of her panties. Though she was still only feeling his touch through her shirt, she was sure he could feel the extra groove of fabric and the tightening of her abdomen. Only that much further, and he could fit his hand between her legs just like the man on screen was doing to his own lover. 
"Wh-Why?" she asked, building off of his previous response to keep herself from melting and begging for him to touch her when they had barely just started. 
Hooking his ankle around hers, Harry started pulling her that much more into his embrace. The sheets around them hissed over their bodies, his phone wobbling from its upright position against the pillow though it didn't fall. He pushed his thigh between her own, opening up her legs with the hem of her oversized shirt being pushed up and over her thighs. 
"I liked the idea of going slow, after I met you, love," he detailed, no longer playing around when he finally slid his hand over her form and slipped it under the end of her top, "Didn't really get off on the thought of fucking you as much as I did to kissing you and making y'happy." 
(Y/N) all but melted at his explanation. She reveled in the sound of his voice, mixing with the soft sound of the couple on screen finding their own bliss within one another. Through her hooded gaze, it was easy to see the lovers on his phone as she and Harry, the daydream building around her. 
In a tug back down to earth, (Y/N)'s breath caught when Harry fit his hand between her thighs. His wandering touch had finally reached her, pressing the heel of his palm against her clit and the length of his fingers down her center. She was sure he could feel the heat that had collected there, though she hoped she hadn't completely soaked through her underwear that quickly. 
"Y'like it so far?" he asked, pressing his palm that much harder against her clit. 
"Uh-huh," she breathlessly replied. Her hooded eyes were glued to the sight of the way the man positioned himself above her, thighs open for him to fit between. She could hear him murmur something to her, passing a hand over her form with fingertips skating across her breasts and down to the round of her hips. Every touch was careful and clinging, the sound of their kissing soundtracking the moment. "He reminds me of you." 
He hummed from behind her, his hand beginning to shift over her core in a delicate press to draw away her breath. "Yeah?" 
"Yeah," she answered, eyes stitched to the video as the man sunk his cock into his lover, a shrill whine leaving her lips while he settled against her hips. His tattoos quivered as his muscles flexed under his skin, making the stars and constellations inked over his skin dance. "You're better, but," (Y/N) swallowed, hearing the quiet slap of his skin against the woman's as he thrusted against her, "He touches her like you touch me." 
Harry's response came in the form of languid touches that warmed her skin and kept her breathless even when her eyes closed and the video was an afterthought. Underneath her, he fit his free arm to coil around her form. His thigh between her two tensed, lifting just enough so he could spread her own legs enough to give her what she wanted. 
Hooking his fingers into her panties, he pulled them to the side, a cool shiver going up (Y/N)'s spine now that she was exposed to his touch. He dragged his fingertips through her slit, collecting the drops of slick until he circled around her clit in languorous pulls. 
She had never been so thankful for the stretched out neckline of her top as she was then, when she felt Harry's heavy kisses searing into her bare skin. There was so much of him all over, pressing into her back with his cock hard against her, his kiss on her shoulder, and his hand on her core, pulling more and more air out of her lungs. 
"You know how many times I thought about doing that to you, baby?" he drawled into her skin, syrupy and thick into her pores, "Before y'were ready, this was all I had. Had to picture you letting me spread you out like that, feel how wet you were jus' for me." 
With his hand between her thighs, slick fingertips on her clit before they traveled down towards her pulsing opening, she could have cried for him. She had been depriving him of this, leaving him to only watch videos and imagine, when they could have been doing this so much sooner. She wasn't sure at times—especially at one like this—how she had even made it through without his touch. 
"I'm sorry," she stuttered out for him, her hand grasping at sheets, "Yo-You should have told me." 
A rumble of laughter was felt against her back as much as she heard the sound fan to her ears. "Don't be sorry, lovebug, y'jus' weren't ready yet, that's all. I think we're making up for it jus' fine, don't you?" 
She could only nod her head, forcing her eyes to blink open. It was a task given the fact that she was still luxuriating in the tease of his fingers passing over her entrance before smearing her clit and restarting the circuit. Looking ahead, she had seen that the couple on film was thick in their session, breathless, the man straining himself as he set a controlled pace while thrusting into his partner with the woman grasping and reaching for any part of him she could reach. Watching the way the man's skin turned pink in the wake of her nails made (Y/N) want to do the same to Harry—what would the roses on his chest and the butterfly on his torso look like filled in with a bit of color? 
"I want to see you," she blurted out, unable to hold back anymore. She didn't care much for the movie anymore anyway, he was what she wanted. This video would probably still be there later, they could explore more later, if she really wanted. 
A teasing smile could be heard in his voice, the notion making (Y/N) want to feel embarrassed through she didn't have much room for that given the way she was rutting into his hand. "Y'don't want to keep watching? I thought y'liked it, love? Liked him?" 
"I like you," she countered, already turning in his arms despite the coil of his hold around her, "I want to see you now. You're better." 
He didn't put up any more teasing argument, instead helping her as she twisted and turned in his arms until his phone was forgotten in the tufts of the duvet and she had her lips pressed to his. His and that had been between her legs was now stationed at her hip, his fingertips denting into the plush skin as she melted into him. A sigh of something that felt like relief to (Y/N) slipped from her throat.
Harry parted his lips, swiping his tongue across the seam of her mouth, tasting her noises. Reaching for his bare shoulders, (Y/N) wasn't even thinking before she had the blunt of her nails pressing to his skin, just like the woman in the video. (Who must have been having a good time given the faint noises (Y/N) could still hear among the folds of their bedding). 
She readily opened her mouth for him to slip his tongue inside, eager to get a state of him. He led her through the kiss, pressing his tongue to hers and tasting through every delicate moan and breathy exhale she gave. 
This was definitely better than watching a video. 
"Harry," she mumbled into his kiss, barely enunciating before she was urging to press her lips to his once more. 
He smiled against her mouth, allowing a small slew of her excited kisses to hit him before he pulled away enough to meet her eyes. His pupils were wide and dark, leaving only slices of murky green to ring around them. There was a flush over his cheeks, warm and red that matched the hue of his kiss-swollen lips. She couldn't help her eyes but to follow the tip of his tongue as it peeked out to wet his lips. 
"What do y'want from me love?" 
Her answer was automatic: "You." 
(Y/N)'s gaze was drawn to the dimple that was thumbed into his cheek as a lopsided curl took his lips. "I know," he said, much too smug, "But do y'want me to keep touching you? Or do y'want more, love? Gotta tell me or I can't help you."
Her mind flashed to the vision of the man fitting his hips against his lover's like a puzzle piece, sinking inside her and straining his muscles to making the best pace for her. That was what (Y/N) wanted. 
"I want more," she told him, her voice a whisper between just the two of them, "Like the video."
Harry drew closer towards he, his smile fading as the blunt of his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. "I can do that for you, baby. Do you think you're ready for me, or do y'need a little more?" 
She shook her head on instinct. "I'm ready." 
Tipping his chin, Harry pulled her into another languid kiss with his tongue touching over her lips. His kiss was a welcome distraction while his hand reached for the waist of her panties underneath the hem of her top. He pushed them down her thighs as far as he could before he was forced to break their kiss to help ease them off the rest of the way. (Y/N) felt clingy for him in that moment, already missing his touch and warmth. It wasn't much longer that he pulled his own underwear off, everything landing into a pile on the floor, before he was laying himself atop her. 
Much like the movie, she swore their hips fit like puzzle pieces together, the bones cushioned by plush skin. She reached for his arms reflexively, though she hadn't meant to grip him so tightly until she felt the head of his cock nudge against her clit. Her lungs squeezed with a coiled ribbon cinching around her stomach. 
Above her, Harry was like an angel. His eyes were bare from his usual liner, though there were still the stark black additions of his nose and lip rings pierced through his face. His skin was flushed and warm, cheeks matching his bright eyes. Around his features, his curls hung around in waved strands and curled ringlets. It wasn't the first time she had seen him like this and wondered if he was the true angel between the two. 
"Still feel good, love?" he asked, his hands fisted into anchors on either side of her head. 
Matching the intensity of his eye contact, (Y/N) kept herself from shrugging her hips against his own, wanting of feel along heavy brush of his cock against her center. "Uh-huh," she sounded, throat dry, "Please."
 Only a glimpse of his smile could be seen before he was dipping down to draw her in for another kiss. He sealed his mouth to hers, kissing her top lip delicately with the soft sounds of their lips parting and coming together to fill the room. 
For a moment, (Y/N) wondered if they would look like that couple if they were on film. If their love, and the gentle touches, and the shared heartspace could be seen just as easily. She liked to think they would do it even better. 
One of his hands on the bed disappeared, the mattress shifting without the weight, before she felt it again over the small of her stomach. It was nothing more than a soft brush before he had his fist wrapped around his cock, guiding himself inside her. The head brushed against her clit in a heavy press; she couldn't tell if she was more wet than she thought or if he had been pearling dots of precum from his tip while she was preoccupied. 
He slid his tip through her folds until he hit the pulsing entrance nestled inside. (Y/N) shivered, letting out small noise into his mouth. She could tell her was becoming distracted, his kiss slowing until he was doing nothing other than focusing on the slid of his cock through her wetness, socking in her until he finally pressed forward. 
It was a familiar stretch, the head fitting inside her, but it still took her breath away. Especially now that their box of condoms was pushed to the back of his bedside drawer, barely used unless she asked, she was able to feel every ridge and vein on his cock. She felt more and more full with every inch pushed inside her, her walls pulling him in while she attempted to keep kissing him before giving up on the act in favor of simply resting her parted lips against his own.
Harry's guiding hand had shifted to lay on her hip, his touch a bit slick though neither of them minded. He was just as lost in the feeling as he was with the way he let out shuddering breaths with stilted lungs, his hand on the other side of her head now holding a tremor. His breath came out in warm fans over her features, heating her that much further. 
He bottomed out with a wet sound of his cock sliding through her walls, his base resting heavy against her clit. (Y/N)'s hold on his arms tightened at the feeling, nails leaving imprints on his skin. 
Her heartbeat bubbled in her ears as she got her bearings, coming to with a flutter of her eyes only to see harry already looking at her with his own hooded gaze. 
"You alright?" he breathed, dilated eyes scanning over her features, "Do y'need me to wait?" 
"No, no," she bubbled off, "Please, daddy." 
That was all he seemingly needed to hear—the whine of her voice and his title so lovingly mentioned—before Harry was rearing his hips back and pressing into her once more. He split her open, her walls stretching and opening for him to fit inside with every languid thrust. The first few took her breath away, getting used to the feeling of the friction and every part of her body being fulfilled by him. 
"Daddy," she helplessly called out, her voice a shared secret for just the two of them. The sheets hissed around them, matching her volume. 
Harry watched her form above as she struggled to keep her eyes from closing. She wanted to see him; this is what she had been wanting when she decided to ditch the movie. She wanted to watch him the way they had watched the couple. 
"'M here, baby. 'M here," he murmured, his voice dropping low as his mouth fell into a gape. "Feel so good, love—fuck." 
Spurred on by his praise, (Y/N) hiked her this over his hip, the heel of her foot pressing into the back of his thigh. Her plush skin gave way to the angles of his body, cushioning him as he drove his hips into hers in lingering passes. His hand on her hip shifted then, dragging her sleep shirt the rest of the way up until her bare breasts were exposed to the heat of the room. 
His palm dragged over the swell, her nipple catching on the creases of his skin. Goosebumps erupted over her form, her lashes fluttering at the touch. Harry dipped his head down, pressing his lips to her other breast, the tip of his nose skimming across before he wrapped his mouth around her nipple. His tongue touched over the bud, warming her though she could feel the skin tightening in response. He matched the pace of his wandering touch on her other breast, allowing her to feel him in every place she needed. 
Almost. 
Feeling the base of his cock press against her clit wasn't enough. She needed more than that fleeting touch against her, more than just the harsh smear over her weeping center. 
"Daddy, I—" she cried out, her words evaporating when she felt him twitch inside her. 
"'S okay," he shushed her, his mouth popping off of her nipple before he dragged his kisses towards her collarbone, "'M here, baby. I'll give y'anything y'want." 
His words were nothing more than smeared rambles, but they sank perfectly into her brain. He was here—he had her. He wasn't a silly video, he was real and she could feel his weight and his touch and even his heartbeat. 
"I want—" she stumbled, her words failing her in the heat of the moment, "I need—Please, touch me." 
"I am touching you, baby," he countered, looking up at her through his lashes before finally leveling his gaze with hers. He hovered above her, his eyes still finding hers even as he jostled her with every thrust into her. "Y'need to tell me what y'want, and then I can help."
"My—It's—"
(Y/N) almost felt panicked, instead reaching for his hand on her breast to push it down to the apex of her thighs. His wrist strained under her hand when he realized when she was directing him towards. That was all the cue he needed before his thumb was smearing over her clit, circling and patting the bud just as she had wanted. 
All but melting into the mattress, the beginnings of a cocky curl fell on his lips. "This was what y'wanted, my love? Coulda jus' told daddy—would have done it for you earlier." 
Maybe it was feeling him splitting her walls open, slick with his precum, his hand on her clit, or the sound of his voice wrapped around his honorific, but (Y/N) could feel the bow in her abdomen tightening. 
She could only whine for him, tightening her fingers around the bones of his wrist as he kept his ministrations up. His skin glimmered in a sheen of sweat, baby curls sticking to his temples as he took care of her just as he promised. 
He caught her looking, matching his eyes to hers when she dared to travel her gaze to his clumped lashes. She expected a curl of his lips, a flash in his eyes, something teasing and smug to enter his expression. Instead, she saw the way his face rounded out, the harsh angles that usually made him up now fading into soft lines and curved edges. 
"I love you," he murmured, "So much, (Y/N). You know that?" 
This was a moment she wished she had on video, exactly from her perspective with every detail memorialized. 
Releasing her hands on his wrist and arm, she settled her palms on his cheeks. Despite the rocking of their forms, the rustling bedsheets, and his phone lost somewhere at seat, (Y/N) almost forgot about everything but his touch. 
"I love you too, honey." 
Something flashed through his gaze then, but it was decidedly softer, more delicate than anything she had ever spotted before. She never called him by many pet names, preferring his name (it was the name of the man she was in love with, she couldn't think of a better thing to call him), but there were moments she thought he might like the extra love falling from her lips.
Harry didn't waste any longer than a beat before he was smearing his lips against hers. The kiss was messy and clumsy, just off center with his tongue swiping out before she was ready, but she loved it. This was what she wanted, what had been on her mind throughout the video. 
He put more of himself into her, his hips picking up pace and his hand on her clit quickening. She felt the press of his chest every time he sank in deep inside her, splitting her walls and making more room for him than she even knew she had. Her insides clenched around him, sucking him deeper every time he sank back inside. The ribbon in her stomach was beginning to fray at the edges, unravelling more and more.
"B-Baby," Harry breathlessly crooned, pulling away just enough so she could hear, "Where do y'want m'cum? 'M al-almost there—fuck." 
She didn't have to think before she was answering him, "Inside, inside. Please, daddy. I want it inside."
There was one more twitch of his cock inside her, his head nudging against what felt like her stomach, before there was nothing left of her to give. The fraying ribbon gave way, spooling too tight inside before falling apart. She shredded around him, feeling like nothing more than glimmering fabric laying in his arms for him to toss and turn whichever way he wanted. She could feel herself grow wetter, Harry's cock slicking through her opening. 
(Y/N) clung to him, her hands on his cheeks keeping him close as she attempted to kiss him through her hazy mind. It was nothing more than her gaped mouth dropped open against his own, nothing more than absent calls of his name falling from her throat. 
Barely, she could hear Harry mumbling a declaration—that he loved her—over and over against her mouth. She felt entirely too full, everything too much, when she realized he was cumming. Just as she had begged, he let go inside her, painting her walls in pumps of his cum that mixed with her own. She wouldn't be surprised to feel the aftermath dripping over her thighs. 
By the time Harry's bedroom came back to fruition around her, (Y/N) wasn't sure if she had been breathing properly since he landed atop her. Everything around her was wispy, not quite real, other than Harry himself. He was a comforting weight, an anchor she clung to. 
Sinking atop her, he rested his cheek on top of her chest. His nose skimmed her throat as he nuzzled closer to her, the length of his lashes tickling her bare chest. 
"Y'alright, love?" he murmured, just as out of breath as she was. 
"Mhm," she hummed, wrapping her arms around him in a clumsy hug, "I love you too, by the way." 
A rumbling laugh fell from his chest. "Love you more." 
With a small kiss being pressed to her sternum, harry began to untangle himself from her hold. He righted her shirt on her torso, covering her chest and keeping out the call that was beginning to seep over their sweat-glimmered skin now that the sheets had slid off of them.
"Where are you going?" she almost whined, reaching for him when he shifted out from between her cushioning hips. 
His smile was tender, affection swimming in his lightening gaze as he looked at her. He brushed a stray hair out of her face, keeping her features clear for his admiration. "We've gotta clean up, love. Can't go to bed like this, can we?" 
Fitting her bottom lip between her teeth, (Y/N) didn't want to answer him. He was right—she needed to use the restroom and find a different pair of underwear for the night, while Harry inevitably searched for new sheets to change the bed into. But she didn't want to do that right now. She didn't want to walk around on wobbly legs, and go through her designated drawer, or anything else. She didn't want to touch anything that wasn't him. 
Instead, (Y/N) clung to him, using her weight to tug him down until he finally relented. Harry gave in with a sigh though he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. 
"Five more minutes, 'kay?" he bargained, cuddling her into him with her face in his throat and chin on the crown of her head. He even tugged the sheet up to blanket their forms once more, keeping her warm before patting her hip through the material.
(Y/N) smiled, pecking a small kiss to his neck. 
"Five more minutes." 
She'd stretch it until ten. 
—————
I finally got around to this request so thank you for everyone bein patient!!!! thank you for reading, sorry for any mistakes and if there's any ideas or requests you have send them in !!!
1K notes · View notes
stevieschrodinger · 1 month
Text
Link to Part One Part Two Part Three
TW Human trafficking discussions of injury
Steve feels like shit. He looks like shit. He’s pretty sure something might have straight up died in his mouth when he got that forty five minutes of sleep.
Everything looks good though. The fact that everyone else sprawled around the boardroom also looks like shit makes him feel a little better about himself. Well. Everyone but Nancy, obviously, who could probably walk out of a tornado and still look put together.
Steve only knows it’s morning because Carol just brought them all coffee. Carol does not come in out of hours. Steve learned that very, very early on. It was uncharacteristically nice of Carol to turn up with the little trolley from downstairs; it had a bunch of fruit and breakfast pastries on it, plus coffee.
She then proceeded to explain to Steve at great length how he looked and smelled like he’d been shit out by a bear, so, maybe she had motive. And that motive was being a bitch.
“Happy now, Steve?”
Steve’s got like, a whole bag of sand in each eye. Coarse, if they grade that kind of thing. Coarse sand. “Do you think we got everything?”
“I am confident that the team have done their utmost to pursue every avenue.”
“Nance, stop being a politician. That’s not a yes.”
She purses her lips at him in the way that she has, “can I have a word with you?” She scans the board room, “privately?”
Steve drags himself out of the chair, balancing one croissant on top of his coffee cup and grabbing a bear claw too, and then follows Nancy out and into a nearby office.
She doesn’t pull any punches, “I need to know how you know.”
Steve takes a big bite, then speaks with his mouthful, “can’t. NDA.”
She pinches the bridge of her nose, “and who, exactly, did you sign an NDA for?”
“The FBI.”
Nancy brings up her phone, showing Steve the screen. More precisely the headline on the screen, and Steve is thrilled that the picture they’ve used of Hagan is, objectively, fucking awful, “so Tommy Hagan was arrested last night, for Omega trafficking. When you walked into the office yesterday, oh so confident that everything relating to Hagan was going to tank…it was nearly ten full hours before this hit the news.”
Steve shrugs again, “N...D...A.”
They stare at each other for a long moment.
The door opens, Henderson’s baby face poking through. You would not in a million years think they guy was in his twenties, “Steve, morning! Sorry, I know it’s early…” Henderson seems to take in the state of Steve. Shirt rumpled, tie hanging loose, starting in on his second pastry, “but I kind of need to know why over a quarter of a million dollars was moved on Saturday, and where it went since it seemed to just...disappear?”
It takes, probably, less than a second for Nancy to leap to a conclusion like an Olympic fucking vaulter, and half a second longer for her to hit Steve with the file she’s holding.
“Er...not now, Dustin okay?” Steve manages to say, trying to shield his pastry and his coffee while Nancy gets it out of her system.
Dustin’s a smart kid, he watches Nancy slapping Steve with the papers...and just leaves.
She finally stops, pinching the bridge of her nose, and says very evenly, very quietly, “Steven Harrington, look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t buy an Omega.”
“NDA?” Steve replies quietly, uncertain, and then flinching when Nancy raises the folder again, “okay okay! Yes, yes I did. But! Under the FBI’s kind of...you know, instruction? I was evidence gathering! He’s at mine but I’m figuring out where his family are and I’ll take him back! It’s fine!”
“Why is he at yours?”
“They didn’t have anywhere for him, short notice, plus his feet are kind of messed up, from them like, hurting him. He’s been there a couple of years so doesn’t have anything, so I’ve ordered him some clothes and stuff. He’s fine.”
Nancy tilts her head, like a predator working out the distance they need to strike, “he’s...fine?”
Steve knows he’s fucked up. Nancy is using that tone. It’s...a very specific tone. “Err...yes?”
“You have an injured Omega, who has been held against his will, abused enough to be, at the very least, physically injured, never mind the emotional toll this whole thing may have taken...and he’s fine?”
Oh, no. She’s raised her eyebrow in that way she has. “I mean...yeah?” Nancy glares, and Steve backtracks, “I mean. Obviously he’s not...you know, perfectly okay, I guess. He’s been through a lot. But I made sure I fed him plenty, and he’s got some clean clothes on the bed. The bed in the room...I never actually...got around to showing him to...because I got, distracted. And it’s upstairs…” Steve can feel his insides sinking, “his feet are hurt. Shit.” Well fuck. Steve's...fucked up, probably quite badly now that he actually stops for thirty seconds to think about it.
Nancy sighs aggressively out her nose in that way she has, “Steve your security system is like fort fucking Knox, did you at least…”
But Steve’s already shaking his head, because he didn’t do that, either. He’s just...locked Eddie into a new prison. Shit.
He scrambles, feeling guilty, “I’ll give him some of the money. A lot of the money. Hagan’s...stuff. He can have the ranch?”
Nancy’s eyebrows shoot up into her hairline, “why on earth would he want the place he’s been kept prisoner for-”
Steve shrugs, “whatever he wants. He can bun it down if he likes, I’ll help. It’ll be like, therapy?”
Oh no, she gone from pinching her nose to rubbing that spot on her forehead, but then she seems to...deflate. Grasping Steve’s arm to hold him close, she actually speaks gently to him, which is, quite frankly, a million times more terrifying, “Steve. We’ve known each other a long time, now, so I say this with love. Money, wealth...is not the most important thing in life.” Steve opens his mouth to protest, but she shushes him, “I know. Alright, I know it can help, and it makes life a lot better for a lot of people...but giving people things does not...fix anything. Money is not an apology. Gifts are not an apology. And I know it’s hard for you to...see it differently, okay? Because you’ve always been very...driven, and that’s a good thing! I know how you grew up and how your father was with you and I know you feel you have...something to prove, okay, so I understand, I do. But...a lot of people put higher value on...just. I mean, maybe just go home. Say that you're sorry. Look after the Omega for a couple of days, make sure he gets home, okay? Maybe prioritize that, for a moment. You know the office will be fine...and maybe you’ll see that other things in life can have value, hmm?”
Part five
@stylelovechild @steddieonthen @marklee-blackmore @sticknpokelightningbolt @resident-gay-bitch @somegirlsomewhere @mugloversonly @weekend-dreamer7 @lololol-1234 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @mx-jinxous @goodolefashionedloverboi @bogwitchlesbian @lunaraquaenby @steddieinthesun @pluto-pepsi @disrespectedgoatman @i-eat-spinal-cords @waelkyring @kal-ology
318 notes · View notes
carionto · 8 months
Text
We'll do it our way
Been reading a bunch of Humans are Space Orcs and the like, and got me thinking - what if when aliens found humanity and our level of technology and method of propulsion for space travel, they decided that since explosions are way too hazardous and risky, that they're just not gonna let us leave on our vessels (via BS alien magic space tech). As a sort of intergalactic rite of passing (and poor results in the past of elevating a species like that), we have to figure out on our own how to not blow ourselves up once in space. But humans can be spiteful. We "have" to go in a direction they want? Fuck that. Aliens put a dome around Earth so we can't leave? Okay, that's a clear and practical problem to solve. Let's fix that instead!
_____________________________________
It had been just over sixty local cycles since First Contact with Humanity, and exactly sixty since the Federation had unanimously deemed it necessary to position a Responsibility Barrier around Earth.
Through countless observation relays, mass field generators, warp inhibitors (and the less spoken of and even less used laser batteries), any vessel - outside of local communication satellites, unmanned research vessels, or suborbital test vehicles - were prevented from leaving the planet.
Upon discovering Humanity, the Exploratory Commission Fleet quickly discovered a very hardy, innovative, diverse, violent, and adaptable advanced civilization on the cusp of entering the interstellar stage. There was one problem. Humans used explosions. For. Everything.
Their orbital spaces were already littered with micro-debris from their regular ventures into the local system. Practically every type of propulsion utilized highly volatile solutions, and they didn't even pretend to hide or be embarrassed by their history of weaponizing, well, anything and everything to be frank.
Wars and violence were common among nearly all sentient species, but there was something… peculiar, about how nonchalant the Human diplomats were about their supposed "solutions" to "tragedies" of the past.
We explained to them the dangers of their methods, showed examples of what happens when such line of thinking, without discarding these explosive ways, leads to - impassable fields of junk around once well traveled planets, now isolated; hastily jettisoned parts causing mayhem and destruction years down the line; entire Habitation Stations and their occupants reduced to faint rings around their homeworld from an "unplanned ignition"
We explained why we could not simply give them our safe technology, as they have to on their own give up the irresponsible ways first, lest they turned what was once safe into yet another means to an end. They "said" they understood, but it was all too clear the Humans would not follow our advice just like that. Hence the Barrier. This really angered the Humans.
They said it was stifling, that it was barbaric to "imprison" them like that. We tried to explained again why, but they would not listen, but we knew better. This had happened before and we would not allow it to happen again. It was for the greater good of both the Humans and the rest of the Galaxy.
For nearly sixty of their cycles, Humanity continued to advance and develop and flourish. We watched them with excitement at every new avenue of research they steered towards, silently encouraged them to keep going with every failure. They were getting close in several fields, we could see that Humanity was on the precipice of the right track. Then, one day, with a slight shimmer enveloping the planet and an eerie silence on all frequencies, the Earth just… vanished.
The Humans kept their true activity a secret, only after careful analysis of seemingly unrelated and unremarkable records did we figure out they were investigating a long abandoned line of research by all others in the galaxy - interdimensional travel. But there were no other traversable dimensions. That had long been tested by everyone - you can twist and bend and cut through the ones we have, but you are always bound to at least one of them.
It remained a mystery as to what truly happened to Humanity. Officially it was called a tragic scientific accident on an unprecedented scale. Earth and Humanity were memorialized as a bright species with infinite potential, but a recklessness that would serve as one of the starkest examples in the annals of Galactic history.
Until, nearly a millennia later, Earth just… popped back in. Right where it would have been had it continued to orbit around their star, almost as if that's exactly what it had been doing.
There was only a memorial station close to its original orbit, and some small research outposts dotted around the local system - it was decided to not terraform or colonize any of Sol's planets or install major stations within the system, as both a sign of respect to the deceased and a warning to all about the dangers of foolish science.
By the time the scrambled and panicked messages reached the nearest Coalition world and a small squad sent to investigate, everything had changed. Not only did they find Earth and Humanity, they were met by dozens of the largest space worthy vessels anyone had ever conceived of let alone dared to construct; orbital shipyards that each would put the production capacity of whole planetary SYSTEMS to shame; and a defiant attitude unmatched even by the previously thought exaggerated tales of our brief history with Humanity before the Vanishing.
The message we received from the Humans was simple:
"Thanks for the advice, but we do things our way. Now, let's start over, from an equal footing, shall we?"
(more while we were gone)
942 notes · View notes
genderqueerdykes · 1 year
Text
Testosterone HRT Overview, Guide & Information for All People Seeking It
Hello, we're a genderqueer person who's been taking testosterone HRT since 2015. I've also worked in a pharmacy and we've seen a lot of the roadblocks that comes with people trying to start HRT. Nobody really explains how difficult it can be, even when you get your prescription. Because testosterone is a controlled substance in many places, it creates hurdles. There can be a lot going on, and some folks become very disheartened if their T isn't covered by insurance. i get that. We wanted to create a relatively easy to digest and succinct post detailing some common hurdles people have to face on the doctor/prescriber and insurance level, as well as after getting their hormones. *please note that a lot of this information is United States centric as that's where i live, i can't give information for a country i've never lived in, unfortunately.*
The estrogen HRT version of this post is here!
Doctors, Insurance & Getting Your Prescription
If your primary care provider is already familiar and comfortable with prescribing HRT, you can go through them, find an informed consent clinic, or seek an endocrinologist or gender affirming care specialist. Planned Parenthood is a good option for many people. If you don't have insurance, check to see if your area offers medicaid or other low income insurance plans, T can get pricey in some areas, especially for topical. if you can't access insurance please look into services like GoodRx that offer coupons and discounted rates for prescriptions.
Here is a list of informed consent clinics in the US for HRT.
Your provider will ask you some questions about your experience with gender, any dysphoria, why you want to seek medical transition, if you'd like to seek surgeries, assess your mental health, and then screen you for potential health problems or roadblocks. Your liver enzymes will be screened, as will your hormone levels, blood pressure, and some other things. Make sure your doctor knows to note that you are a transgender patient so that your blood tests are not discarded because your gender says "F" instead of "M" on the paperwork.
In some areas it is required to seek treatment with a therapist who specializes in transgender care to make sure this avenue is right for you. Not everywhere requires this step.
Make sure you talk to whoever is prescribing the testosterone to you about insurance, and if they are aware that testosterone is a controlled substance. A controlled substance is a substance that has been restricted by your country's government or governing medical organization and has to be monitored carefully. You need what's called a "prior authorization" from your doctor in order to get your insurance to give you your hormones in most states. Talk to your doctor and pharmacy about prior authorizations for your testosterone and syringes if you need them.
Currently, the only forms of testosterone available for masculinizing HRT are testosterone cypionate (injectable), topical gel, and patches. Topical forms are usually applied daily, injections can be done once or twice a week, or even more or less frequently if a person needs it. There is no pill option available for masculinizing HRT currently.
Do NOT become disheartened if you do not see the effects you want to see right away. It can take several years for the full effects of certain aspects of medical transition to show themselves. Stay patient, talk with your provider, talk to other trans people!
Stay patient, Stay positive!
HRT and Administering Testosterone
When you get a prescription, how things go will depend on if you get your doses administered at the clinic, or if you choose to do them at home. If you are not comfortable self administering, ask if they will at the clinic. many places offer this service.
if you choose to administer at home, if you are using injectable T, note that pharmacies may give you the wrong gauges of needles because they don't often give out needles for HRT. You need two different sizes- a thicker, longer needle for drawing from the vial, as testosterone cypionate is thick. You will generally be given large 18g needle for drawing and a small 22 or 23g needle for injecting. Many people have preferences for different gauges so ymmv. Depending on if you are injecting intramuscularly or subcutaneously the gauge of the needle with vary. Sanitize your injection site and your hands, never using the same needle tips twice for any reason. Never use needles that have touched another surface, and get a sharps container.
Make sure you are injecting in different spots every time you inject. you do not want to inject into the same patches of skin every time, as this can cause tissue damage, tissue death (necrosis), and severe scarring after long periods of time of having to heal but being interrupted over and over again. inject into slightly different spots every time to make sure your skin and muscle tissue can heal.
Here is a guide on safely injecting your own testosterone, including steps on how to prepare your skin for the injection, hold the vial while drawing, change needles, and more.
Another guide for hormone injections.
Make sure to check with your provider to see what type of injection you are meant to do, many do intramuscular injections, but many opt for subcutaneous (just below the skin) injections because they are less painful and require less frequent injections.
If you receive topical testosterone like androgel or other alcohol based testosterone gels, make sure you read the informational packet that comes with it to ensure you are administering it in the correct areas- your exact formulation will need to be applied in a certain area, if you do not have the guide or packet that came with it, please read this page to figure out where you need to apply it. if your topical T isn't working you may be applying it in the wrong place.
When applying topical T, make sure you clean the skin before putting it on, and do not shower or go swimming for 2 - 5 hours after application. make sure you cover the skin with some kind of clothing. You want to make sure it doesn't rub off on other people, as other people can absorb it as well by touching you. Do not ever have someone else apply topical testosterone for you, even if they are also trans, as this can mess with their levels in a bad way.
After starting T you may have to adjust your dose over time to achieve desired effects. if so, you will start on a starter dose and then you can move up to higher doses as your body adjusts. This process is called titration.
No matter HOW tempting it is, NEVER TAKE MORE T THAN YOU ARE PRESCRIBED! It is processed through your liver, which can completely wreck it if you take more than it can handle. Slow and steady wins the race with HRT. If you take too much T at once, your body can also aromatize it, meaning your body will convert it and encourage the production of further estradiol, which will provide unwanted effects. Do not increase your dose without your doctor's advice or knowledge, and do not go any faster than advised.
Effects of Testosterone HRT
Growth and thickening of facial and body hair begins 3 - 6 months after treatment starts and the full effect happens within 3 - 5 years.
Menstruation (periods) stop. This occurs around 2 - 6 months within starting treatment, and is one of the most desired effects.
Voice deepens. The vocal cords thicken, which can cause uncomfortable sensations in the throat for a time, such as a scratchy feeling, dryness, tightness, pressure, and a 'sore' throat that isn't sore in an illness related way. This begins 3 - 6 months after treatment starts, and the full effect happens in 1 - 2 years.
Body fat redistribution begins 3 - 6 months after treatment starts and the full effect happens within 3 - 5 years.
Growth or enlargement of Adam's apple.
Clitoris grows larger, and vaginal lining can thin and become drier. Some experience vaginal atrophy and/or painful levels of dryness, while some maintain a healthy level of vaginal fluids without problem. This begins 3 - 12 months after treatment starts, and the full effect is usually seen within 1 - 2 years, though some experience growth over a long period of time if their dose is low.
Change in body odor and increased sweating occurs within 1 - 3 months of starting treatment.
Muscle mass and strength increase, this will begin within 6 - 12 months and the full effect will be seen within 2 - 5 years.
Possible libido increase, though some report no changes or even the inverse.
Potential but not guaranteed balding or receding hairline, which is treatable, and not seen in everyone.
Potential increase in energy in general, some report an almost antidepressant like effect.
Possible increase in red blood cell production leading to high blood pressure, which is treatable via medications and donating red blood cells when appropriate and safe.
There is not really a guide book to masculinizing HRT and medical transition, most of the information there is is passed along between each of us. We will continue to edit this post as we think of more important information.
3K notes · View notes
leebrontide · 1 year
Text
Best Practices for Communicating about the Climate Crisis
Communication Tips 
Keep it local. Focusing on bringing local solutions. You can lean into community pride to help motivate community action. And while climate change may have global impacts, emphasizing local climate impacts and benefits of local policies will resonate with more people, and feel more approachable/doable.
Stay focused on solutions. While the consequences of climate change are dire, focusing too much on how bad things could get tends to make people feel overwhelmed, hopeless and cynical – which doesn’t help them get or stay involved. Try not to give more than 1 or 2 examples of local consequences of environmental issues, then dive into how this work provides solutions.
Include your audience. Instead of using “I” or “you”, talk about what “we” need to do to turn things around. This includes using “we” when you’re talking about the government, when appropriate - after all, the government is meant to be for and of our communities.
Lean into moral values. Most people agree that we have a moral responsibility to protect our environment’s health, stability and safety for future generations, so don’t be afraid to talk about that or other values that resonate with you about this work.
Focus on tangible gains. Things like “the economy” are important, but they don’t feel as immediate as combating rising costs, protecting their and their neighbors' health, and saving money. Paint them a picture of the prosperous, stable, livable city we can create.
Project a can-do attitude. A lot of people are feeling let down by leadership at all levels, and feeling hopeless and helpless about making change. So, it’s important that you show that you and others are out here willing to really do the work - and there’s room for them to join in. Also, be sure to talk about successes.
Don’t waste time on opponents. We can't get everybody on our side. However, there are enough people that are excited about the prospect of living in a safe, sustainable community, where everyone has clean air to breathe/water to drink and a family-sustaining job that we don't need to convert opponents.
Encourage investment. Rather than framing the changes we want in terms of the drudgery of having to adapt to a bad situation, try to build excitement in the possibilities we can invest in - together. Everyone likes to feel they’re getting in on an exciting, cutting edge investment. Relatedly, be wary of statements that make people feel like they’re going to lose, rather than gain, options. Remind people that our current systems are not only unhealthy, dirty, and dangerous - they’re also ineffective.
Create immediate avenues for action. Once you’ve built up some excitement about what we can do, give people an immediate step they can take to help. Give that positive energy somewhere to go and show them how good it can feel to get involved.
Focus on what you want people to do, not what you want them to stop doing. This helps people envision change, and makes them less nervous.
Communicate respect. Keep away from stereotypes and harmful words. And when you talk about other people, be careful not to put words in their mouths.
Remember, you're not just combating ignorance, you're combating hopelessness, helplessness, and burnout!
2K notes · View notes
eggcats · 8 days
Text
"people are mad that that artists wanted to be paid" no, people are mad that they HAD places of revenue they could have invested in and instead decided to fuck everyone over and piss off their fans who have been there since the buzzfeed days
(+ the only reason they're now saying they're not pulling content is BECAUSE of the backlash, and this isn't even going into how any growth is now impossible if it's their own platform, they are NOT big enough or produce enough content for this)
like, apparently they have a patreon? have never heard of it. absolutely no advertisement on it, when PLENTY of people would subscribe if they plugged it at ALL (like, fans love bts content, early episodes, extra/uncut stuff, having their names be credited at the end, a discord, etc) but I've never heard of it, and according to people who have subscribed, they didn't find it worth their money (not an ideal baseline for their own service)
they have merch? make more and better quality/nicer designs (or just fun quotes! so much of my stuff from their buzzfeed days is just shane quotes, but the only stuff I've bought from them now is their jackets and the professor doll, nothing else. I've looked at their catalog, it's ugly. put a funny quote on a shirt and I'll buy it guys, it's not that hard)
a youtube membership for similar stuff to the patreon, yt livestreams, USE THE PLATFORM YOURE ON MAYBE???
explicitly asking fans to turn off adblock for them on their videos
but, like, I am absolutely not paying $60 just for like 1-2 shows that only get like 4 episodes a year. they do NOT have the content for this on their own (and why tf do they have 25+ employees???? bro what) - not to mention, the inaccessibility the new platform and ability for non US based fans to even subscribe
people watch bc of the dynamic between Shane and Ryan, some of my favorite episodes are ones where we get the random text on screen- nothing fancy
tbh I get what they want but it's been my opinion that too much of their stuff that I watch has become a) formuliac and b) overproduced without much to show (imo mystery files comes to mind, it's Fine but I only enjoyed the banter vs all the unnecessary visuals, the same with ghost files)
I've seen people mention how expensive just the ghost hunting stuff is, and like yeah, maybe stop buying that big fancy brandname equipment without and instead ask for sponsors to advertise your stuff, all that stuff is nonsense anyway so it's not like you're lying about like betterhelp or something
and idk, maybe having a show where you apparently eat gold and caviar isn't the best if you're struggling with money (esp bc who watches it? not me)
what they need is someone who actually knows anything as their ceo, having less than half the staff they do, and investing in the avenues they already have with SOME pay walled content (not all), and maybe learn how to actually produce their shows without bleeding themselves dry bc the fans watch for THEM not the "production value"
160 notes · View notes
Note
for the baby genderfluid tips!!
this could just be me lmao, but DO NOT donate your fem clothes if you feel masc for longer than usual. or vice versa.
keeping a gender journal is something that can be really helpful to actually look back on and see how it changes (and also have proof of fluidity for when you begin to think "hmm actually im just a trans girl. nothing else." no, you probably aren't. you felt completely boy/nonbinary/etc just a month ago, and thats okay.)
basically it can be really hard to embrace that your gender is not static, especially if your gender stays stable for a slightly longer period. it took me so long to stop rotating between "im a girl always" "no, im a boy always" "actually, im nonbinary always" to just admit im genderfluid.
also, make genderfluid content. you don't have to show it to anyone, but sometimes it can really help to make poetry or art or write a story about being fluid and your experience in particular. i have an easy avenue for this since i write fanfiction (haven't published any of it yet lmao) and i just hit my favorite characters with my genderfluid beam and go nuts
follow people who are genderfluid, read genderfluid books, maybe join a genderfluid discord server (there are barely any, so actually maybe make one), try to make genderfluid friends. you are not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.
if you have plushies or anything similar, make them genderfluid. i have a genderfluid squishmallow who i use she/they pronouns for, and a little husky that switches between he/she. idk it just helps sometimes lol
some of us change gender daily, or multiple times a day. some of us change gender only a couple times a year, or even less. we're all different and that's fine.
tips for presentation:
if you have a day when you can't figure out gender, go neutral clothing-wise
take little things to ease dysphoria if you switch when you're out somewhere (ex. lipgloss, eyeliner, leather bracelet, etc)
if you can, get pronoun pins. seriously, get pronoun pins (or a colored bracelet for subtlety or if you're not out). you can wear multiple at a time, you can switch them whenever you need to. you aren't a burden if your pronouns change. you don't have to stick to they/them to be easy for people.
if you can, get a versatile hairstyle that you can make suit your gender no matter what. if you cant, try to get a hairstyle that makes you the least dysphoric overall.
if you are organized enough, separate your clothes based on gender/what you feel comfy wearing on different days. do not pressure yourself to fit stereotypes. some people can only feel comfortable in skirts when theyre boys, so they only wear skirts on boy days. do what works for you.
it's kinda complicated, but if you can expand your vocal range to sound more fem or masc depending on how you feel, it can help. alternatively, vocal train to make it more androgynous.
keep makeup wipes with you in case you need to take it off part way through being out. basically, make it as easy as possible to be able to change/tweak your presentation if necessary.
this could just be me, but having lots of hoodies in different colors and styles will save your life
sometimes you might have "blender days", which is what i call it when your gender feels like its in a blender in a bad way and you can't tell at all what it is, everything feels wrong, it's changing like every 10 minutes, etc. tbh on these days all i can do is put on sweats and a hoodie and feel dysphoric. listen to music if it helps. do a hobby.
non-clothing items can help a lot. a blue tshirt and jeans can be whatever you want it to be based on what you wear it with. (ex. sneakers/ballet flats, leather bracelet/sparkly necklace, baseball cap/eyeliner)
and lastly: YOU ARE AMAZING. keep being you, keep being incredible, and know that being genderfluid is a gift. be proud to be who you are, have fun, know that you are unique and special and wonderful!! we're ever-changing, and that's awesome. you are precious. i love you.
🩷🤍💜🖤💙
dont wanna link my tumblr, but my name is kiley if you want to attach a name to this!
Okay this is a lot more than I was expecting LMAO /pos
Thank you so much for this Kiley <33 I’ll start working on a masterpost with links to all this.
276 notes · View notes
queenofapeacefuldawn · 4 months
Text
SPY × Family: Chapter 93 analysis
this is my first time doing something like this, and I'm no expert so please take my analysis with a grain of salt! all of this is my own theories, so you might disagree with me. please don't be mean, though (also, long post incoming!)
SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 93 UNDER THE CUT
The chapter opens with the Eden kids getting the results of their marks, with Anya's...
Tumblr media
overall rank shooting up, from 213th to 168th. Showing how she's slowly adjusting to the school and its pace of learning, despite being younger than everyone else (and, also, presumably doing extremely advanced things.... I remember seeing the pythagorean theorem on the board once in the anime)
Damian got highest in History (good job, buddy!), and Anya got second-highest in Classical Language (the one exam she genuinely studied hard for). But what I want to focus on is her expression:
Tumblr media
Shock. She'd put up that front (that fake-face, if you will) in front of Becky, Damian, Emile and Ewen, pretending to be all cool and suave but when she sees her results, she's genuinely surprised to get good marks in Classical Language. And even her excited reaction. She was scared of disappointing Twilight (and maybe even Sigmund and Barbara) because she'd genuinely worked hard for this exam, tried to understand, and gave it her best attempt.
But, then, it all comes crashing down with her 24 points in math: but a win is a win!
Tumblr media
Maybe this is Twilight's turning point in the fact that acquiring knowledge can be interesting, exciting, and not just a tool of survival? Twilight himself doesn't have a great relationship with studying, (see: his father scolding him as a child for not studying, later: his friends dying because he didn't know enough about the campaign they were going on... but Twilight's relationship with knowledge and its pursuit is a whole other post in itself).
Honestly, him realising that Anya is actually thriving in the setup where education is fun for her, opens up two new avenues:
Twilight himself trying to make learning fun for Anya (unlikely, he tried that before... it didn't work.)
Him leaning on Sigmund and Barbara to tutor Anya (this seems more likely- Endo is probably going to cement the Authens as recurring characters, so them being Anya's surrogate grandparents/neighbors/tutors would seem like a great way to do so!
And then...
Tumblr media
My main focus is on the fact that he mumbles this (also his face. But that's irrelevant). Twilight may claim, "I don't understand children", but he's an extremely perceptive man. As much as I love to clown on him, he's highly skilled at picking up on cues of people's feelings. The few times he's failed are mostly due to Anya's shenanigans trying to hide her telepathy, mixed with his usual flavour of overthinking.
But the couple of things he knows about Anya are this:
She was probably raised in an environment where Classical Language was used.
She's not fond of talking about or remembering her past.
Which is why he didn't have the heart to fully sound out the question. In the case of Anya, this is an extremely delicate matter, and he doesn't want to upset her (or, in his words, "ruin Operation Strix.") The way he asked the question and it's portrayed made it feel like he'd been pondering on it for quite a while (which he has; since the beginning of the Cruise Arc), but more so usually. Most likely due to her high marks in the Classical Language tests (aka a dead language), and the fact that she got excellent marks in it, despite formally studying it for less than a year (at least, as far as he (and we) know.) He's been thinking of the possibility, and also thinking of a way to ask her. In the end, when he does ask her—
Tumblr media
she lies.
Tumblr media
and he lets her. (at least, that's my interpretation)
Obviously, he knows she's not ready to speak about it yet (though we know it's probably connected to her telepathy, so she's not ready to divulge that info).
Look, as much as I love talking about how clueless he is with his own feelings, in this scene, he was just... perceptive? I don't know if that's the right word. But he was trying to keep Anya happy, and bringing up this complex topic without ensuring proper care for her wouldn't be fair to her. And he knows that. So, he leaves it at, "Just forget about it, okay?"
This entire scene felt so... tense, and in itself felt like a fucking gut punch, so I don't know how I'll react to the reveal.)
And now, onto the main focus of the chapter:
Tumblr media
him.
If I'm being honest, I thought Demetrius was, like, 16-19 (judging by his voice in the anime), and not... fucking twelve.
Honestly, that just makes his character all the more tragic: he's barely a teenager, and yet... he's going through this. From his awards ceremony, we can see that he got, what, 6 stellas? In addition to the eight he's gotten to be an Imperial Scholar, and if he performs this well in every exam... bro is literally hoarding the Stella supply of the school (sorry, bad joke).
But...
Tumblr media
this panel comes up. It's definitely not Anya's telepathy malfunctioning, (heck, it works on Bond and even penguins). Honestly, I think, again, it could be one of two things:
He was experimented on, like Anya
He was trained, (most likely by Donovan), to keep his mind blank.
We're told that he and Donovan had an extremely close relationship:
Tumblr media
This could be in support of both the theories: it could be Donovan checking up on his "experiment's" progress (a crude term to refer to him), or, it could have been him subconsciously training Demetrius to hide his thoughts, keep them safe. Anya's project is connected to Desmond's administration, and at the time she was "made", Demetrius would have been around 7 or 8. Old enough for him to figure out what he wanted to have been in life (ofc, that's different for everyone! It takes time, and 8 is an extremely young age to figure out what one wants to do). But, like, how Damian wants to be a politician, it's most likely that Demetrius, the prodigal, studious, first child, would have to follow the path of politics laid before him.
So it could have been Donovan teaching Demetrius to protect his sensitive thoughts from the "weapons" he himself was making: the test subject(s) of Anya's project (again, a crude term to refer to them). Donovan was putting a lot of faith into creating telepaths (most likely for covert work), and them having unwavering loyalty to his administration was not very likely.
And, even if Anya's project was the work of another administration or even country, there's no doubt that Donovan would want to keep his thoughts hidden from these kinds of spies: ones than can see into your very mind, especially if the world is at war: a physical battle or a war for information.
The first theory of Demetrius himself being a test subject is probably Not What Happened; so I think it's probably just Demetrius being trained to keep his thoughts hidden.
But then, we get some of his thoughts:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Which is a lot reminiscent of:
Tumblr media
So, it's probable that Demetrius imbibed this from his dad.
It's honestly a bit scary to see how Donovan's "parenting" has affected him: for him, age 12, to be like this.
After this, the chapter ends lightheartedly: Anya trying to emulate Demetrius, and Loid Being Tired™️.
I'm mostly curious about Demetrius: I was so excited when he was finally revealed! But I hope we get to see more of his thoughts, soon. Especially more about his relationship with Damian. But, this chapter was fantastic!
(This was super fun to do- if i do posts like this for chapters as they come out, would you all like it? Again, I'm not an expert in psychology (or even analysis). It's just me and my silly lil thoughts. I hope you liked it!)
229 notes · View notes
jedi-luca · 9 months
Text
All About The Pleasing
Natasha Romanoff x Beefy!Reader
18+ only, read at your own risk
Summary: Natasha really needs you but you’ve been busy in a meeting with the some of the members of the team. What will she do to get what she wants?
Reader has a penis; no pronouns used.
Authors Note: I wrote this like a year or so ago. Don’t worry I will eventually post Avenger’s Lane at some point!
Tag List
Natasha was horny scratch that she was so incredibly horny for you and you were busy.
“Hey baby.” You say as she makes her way in the conference room. You felt guilty that she’s all dressed up in a summer dress no less, something she’s not too fond of wearing unless she’s relaxed.
“Hey Nat!” Steve, Bruce, and Maria smiled.
“Are you all done with my fiancé yet? We did have plans, you know.” She huffed, walking towards the end of the table where you sat with a stack of mission reports. She leaned down to kiss you before plopping herself in your lap.
She roughly wiggled her hips. You grunted feeling her rubbing against your cock. You stilled her movements and she slapped your hand away. As Steve and Maria went on about a report Natasha had unzipped your pants and gently took your semi in her hand. She pumped a couple times before letting you inside.
“Oh my God what the fuck are you doing?” You whispered as low as you could in her ear.
“I’ve been waiting for you for 3 hours. I’m not waiting any longer.” She smirked, feeling you shiver as she rocked her hips trying to keep her moans and sighs to herself.
Steve called your name and she stilled her motions.
“Hm?” You cleared your throat.
“I asked if you have the report from the 10th.” Steve said again.
Natasha quickly grabbed the report and slid it down the table to him. Taking this moment to move up and down.
“Thank you!” He smiled before looking down at the report mug in hand.
“You’re welcome.” She smiled. Maria began talking to Natasha about some old mission.
You were absolutely stunned at how well she was able to keep a straight face while fucking herself on your cock.
The thought of her fighting so hard not to moan made you twitch inside of her. You gripped her before smoothly lifting up and back down a couple times making it look like you were finding a comfortable position but really you were slamming into her for more friction. You didn’t miss her wicked grin as she gripped your hand.
“Do you mind showing me which paragraph?” Maria asked her as her eyes poured over the page.
“It’s right…” Natasha leaned over and you took this opportunity to thrust your hips up. “Right there.” She pointed while you hit her spot.
She let out a sigh as she sat back down on you. She was close and she moved her bottom half as much as she could without someone noticing. She slumped over letting her arms hold her up as she ‘read’ the report.
“Cap, I need a break.” Bruce sighed, taking his glasses off rubbing his eyes.
“Wanna go have lunch?” Steve asked, looking at his watch.
“Oooh that place over on Avenue B sounds good!” Maria hummed.
“Let’s go!” Bruce beamed standing up. “You two love birds coming?”
“I think we’ll make something here.” Natasha smiles. “Maybe a smoothie.”
“Suit yourselves.” Maria shrugged and soon all 3 were walking out the door.
The moment you knew they were gone you bent her over roughly before slamming into her.
“Fuck!” She groaned, arching her back into your hand.
“You desperate little slut you couldn’t wait for me to finish up here?” You smirked thrusting harder.
“I was so horny for you daddy. I needed you to fuck me so badly.” She panted.
“Daddy’s little cum slut got a craving again huh?” You smirked using your fingers to circle her clit. “You’re addicted to me aren’t you?”
“Yes daddy I always crave you.” She smirked. “I can’t wait to call you my wife/ husband.”
“What do you want, sweetheart?”
“A honey cum smoothie.” She smirked moaning out your name as you pushed deeper.
“Fuck you feel so good.” You moaned letting your fingers graze up and down her back causing her to shudder. You massage her pressure points along her back causing her to begin twerking her bottom against your cock.
“Fuck that feels so good!” She moaned, gripping the table.
You pivot your hips trying to hit every spot inside of her.
“Oh my God Y/N faster I’m so close.” You felt her tense as you jackhammered your hips. Her moans were rising as she reached behind her bringing a your hand over her boob. You squeezed still feeling her hand on top of yours as she began coming undone.
“Oh Y/N baby that was so good.”
“Turn back around love. I need to be closer to you.” You pull out.
She smiled lazily as you helped her sit on the table leaning down to kiss her plump lips.
“Hmm!” She moaned as you bit her bottom lip inserting yourself in the process. She pushed your shirt up so she could feel your taut abs. “I love feeling these beefy muscles against my skin.” She moaned. “You’re so strong daddy.”
“Daddy loves feeling you too baby.” You could feel her squeezing you with her thighs and velvet walls.
“Daddy’s getting closer?” She but her own lip this time feeling your lips against her neck making their way to her ear.
“So fucking close princess.”
“I want my smoothie daddy.”
“Get on your knees princess so daddy can give you your honey cum smoothie.”
She smirked, wiggling her hips one last time before doing as she was told.
Your body tensed as she began wildly sucking your cock. Gagging as she pushed you down her throat.
You held her hair back, humping her mouth a few times before pulling out. You began pumping your cock with your hand when she slapped it away with a glare. “No. Me.” She huffed squeezing you.
“Ahhhh” you groaned as your cum began pouring out of your cock.
She dutifully took every last drop sticking her tongue out so you could see her gulp you down.
“Hmmm that was so good daddy thank you.” She licked her lips before taking your hand to help her up.
“I can’t believe we did that.” You chuckled darkly.
“You took too long.” She huffed, as you fixed her smudged lipstick.
“You’re so fucking perfect in every way.” You say caressing her chin before kissing her softly. “I can’t believe I get to be the one to marry you, I love you Princess.”
She blushed and kissed you one more time. “I feel the exact same way, fiancé.” She wiped the traces of lipstick off of you.
“I believe I still owe you a date.” You grin.
“I already have the picnic basket waiting.”
“Let’s get out of here then.” You grin leading her out of the briefing room.
“Marry me?” She smiles with a soft sigh.
“Ohhh, I will be Princess.”
“I think you’ll have to start calling me Queen instead once it’s official.”
“My Queen. Has a nice ring to it.” You smirk holding up her ring finger.
“We don’t even have kids yet and the dad jokes are here.”
You chuckle, kissing her hand in yours thinking about the future.
“Next time maybe we can do that again during movie night.”
“Hmm, maybe if I feel like it.” She winked, biting her tongue before running away from you as you chased her.
768 notes · View notes
Text
Bedelia’s word to Will at the end of season three may be my favorite in the whole show
Can’t live with him, can’t live without him??? There has literally never been a phrase so true for two people as this one
Will literally could never just leave Hannibal alone, even when he left him there was no forgetting. I mean he came back and it took him a couple of days?? To just forget his family? And decide it never could’ve worked anyway??? Like Will I know you’re down bad and all but what
But then there’s also the not so secret homicidal rage he has for Hannibal every time their eyes meet like how can one person want to be with the one person they want to brutally murder so bad
And then his plan to kill both Hannibal and Francis?? He knew even then he wasn’t coming out of this- he chose to end with Hannibal before they went off that cliff
He chose Hannibal, and then Hannibal chose him
What confused me about the end for a minute was why Hannibal did that? It didn’t make sense to me that he would give up in that way, especially not since it was almost outright stated that while Hannibal may love Will, his love is a hunger, it’s not borne of equality, it’s not healthy it’s just the absolute best he has to offer- the only way he can feel. Hannibal’s love should push him further to want to control Will shouldn’t it?
But the parallels of the show are not something I will ever get over. Will said it to Reba, even if it wasn’t exactly fact considering Francis wasn’t dead, that she had influenced Francis to become better because she had made him unable to watch her die and unable to kill him herself. It’s the same with Will and Hannibal. Will made Hannibal better, or at least started to, which allowed for them to find comfort in each other at the end.
I firmly believe that Will may not have been strong enough to avoid falling off that cliff, but Hannibal sure was so why did he give it all up?
I also want to add that I think it may be at least partly logical on his part— he has no life beyond this. His name and his face have been plastered all over the US if not all over the world so everyone knows what he’s done. He’s also already done it all. If Hannibal is truly as driven by curiosity as his actions would have us believe, he simply got bored. Will was Hannibal’s only unexplored avenue, and they reached the end of their path. They knew what it was like to truly work together and that was the only unanswered question left. He simply had no greater curiosity than following Will
Now this is more or less all nonsensical but I had to get some of these thoughts out- I may not may not come back at some point and flesh this out so that I’m making actual real points
102 notes · View notes
kechiwrites · 1 year
Text
meant for each other
toxic baby daddy!ghost x reader
3/?
Tumblr media
synopsis: after ruining your very rare date night, ghost has some choice words for you.
wc: 2.3k
cw: afab!reader, a bit of dom!ghost, angst, choking, headlock (the hot kind), language, unprotected sex, creampies, jerking off, threats of a facial (is that a thing?), possessive!ghost, threat of cervix penetration (that is a thing, my friend taught me so). no use of y/n ever.
author’s note: for the anon asking for very toxic ghost (i couldn’t go too hard tho, he still wants redemption after all)
read this first for context or don't! It’s pretty stand-alone friendly. mdni
Tumblr media
Cutting your date short had been humiliating to say the least. Neil had been polite, but undeniably angry and uncomfortable, slapping his credit card down to cover both of your drinks and your unfinished appetizers before leaving the restaurant. 
The car ride home is filled with a choking tense silence, one Neil only breaks when he pulls into your driveway, putting his car into park behind Ghost’s giant “fuck-off” SUV.
“Look, I get that the co-parenting thing is difficult, but you may want to decide whether you and your ex are really over or not before you decide to go on a date again.” Your chest burns with embarrassment, you’re grown, this should not be happening to you. This night should’ve ended with this man’s head between your thighs at least, now you’ll be lucky if he doesn’t block you before you get through your front door.
You nod along, if only to have whatever painfully awkward lecture he’s trying to give end as soon as possible. “I know. I’m sorry, Neil. He wasn’t supposed to-” You cut yourself off. Obviously Ghost wasn’t supposed to show up to your first date in years, with your son in tow no less. “He shouldn’t have been there. He has a problem with boundaries.” And keeping his hands off your ass in public, apparently.
“Right. Well, I think maybe there’s some stuff you two need to talk about.” Neil is short and dismissive, and sure, you get where he’s coming from but your contriteness is slowly curdling into anger with every pedantic word. 
“Understatement of the goddamn century.” you speak under your breath, ���Thank you Neil.” You grit through your teeth, tossing him a half hearted goodbye before you tear out of his car, bone tired and almost shaking with irritation, into your dimly lit driveway. The cream colour of your front door sings to you like a siren, teasing at the peaceful, uncomplicated oasis that lies behind it, at least until you remember what’s in there waiting for you. Neil pulls his car out of your driveway before you can even fish your keys out and you kiss that avenue of relief goodbye forever. 
Your exhaustion seems to double when you cross your home's threshold to find Ghost sitting on your couch, manspreading like he fucking lived there. Like he belongs there. A headache is already beginning to build in the back of your skull, and you just pray to god he’ll say whatever he wants to say quickly and fucking bail. Your skin feels like it’s weighted down when you drop your bag on the carpet by your door, legs heavy as lead while you toe off your shoes.
“Welcome home.” Beyond the rise and fall of his chest and shoulders he barely moves an inch, keeping his attention glued to your television, more eyeballing the sitcom rerun than actually watching it. You were not going to rise to his provocation. He was going to get the silent treatment from you, you wouldn’t utter a goddamn word-
“You were so out of line tonight.” You stomp all over your own vow before you even finish making it, letting your annoyance and his arrogance win out.
You’d meant for your accusation to sound more angry, but your fatigue seeps into every word and sucks out all the venom.
“Sure. Come here.” He spreads his thighs wider, until there’s a, frankly miniscule, space on the couch between his fucking tree-trunk legs, assumedly created for you to sit in.
“You want to act like a fucking child, leave my baby out of it.” You stay rooted to the spot, not because you're tempted to follow his command, you’re just worried you’ll attempt to slap the shit out of the soldier. 
“Our baby.” He grunts, folding his arms across his chest. His bandana is back in place, but somehow he still manages to look petulant. 
You’re going to need to see a doctor about your blood pressure for sure.
“You know what, Ghost? I’m here, I assume Thomas is asleep, so you’re done for the night. I suggest you go wherever the fuck it is you go when you aren’t here making my life hell. Oh and next time-”
“Enough.” He thunders, and your jaw snaps shut. It’s a special talent of his to feel so intimidating even when sitting in the midst of a painfully suburban living room. God knows where he learned it or why. “Come here. I won’t ask you again.” The dark tone of his voice shoots up your spine and pushes your body into action, heart thudding in time with your footsteps. Your ex watches you comply, eyes heavily lidded when you stand in front of him, looking down at the exposed half of his face, the twice broken crookedness of his nose bridge, the long lashes rimming his eyes. 
“What? Do you want?” You hiss, hands balling into fists at your sides. 
“Sit.” You start to obey, you figure you know what he wants and it’s hard to deny him when you’d had hopes of riding the guy you’d met at the convenience store into the sunset. You attempt to straddle him, raising your knee to the sofa before he stops you.
“No.” He murmurs, heavy hand on your shoulder. “Like this.” He pushes you down until you’re kneeling between his thighs. Until he eclipses your vision and the warm, off-white light of your living room forms a halo around his head from above. Ghost makes quick work of his fly, fishing his half hard dick out of the open zipper. He pumps a broad, rough hand over the length of it, working himself over until his erection is full, angry red, and leaking precum onto the tip of your nose. Your gaze bounces from his cock to his face and back again. Eventually, he decides his precum isn’t enough. 
“Stick your tongue out.” He groans, circling a hand around the root of his length, and angling it towards you. You do as you're told, palms sweating where they sit uselessly on your lap. You’re sure you make a pretty picture. Soft, obedient, pathetic. Weak when it comes to him. Weak when it comes to getting what you think you need.
Ghost drags the ruddy head of his cock over the slick pad of your tongue, once, twice, three times, until the salt and skin taste addles your brain. The sound of your spit against his heat under the heavy jerks of his hand fills your ears, shaking loose your last little bit of dignity. All of a sudden you couldn’t care less that the lecture you’d planned to deliver is being swallowed down in favour of drooling over the dripping head of Ghost's dick. You couldn’t care less that he’d ruined any chance of a second date with Nicholas or Nate or whatever the fuck his name had been. 
“Do not move.” He spits, teeth clenched, while he works his hand over his length, his free hand keeps you crumpled below him, so he can fill your sight with the heavy, veined curve of his cock, brushing your lips and the tip of your nose with his knuckles while he fists himself.
His cheeks flush the softest shade of pink and his barrel chest heaves as he gets closer to finishing over your face. Satisfied with your position, he removes the hand weighing down your shoulder and lifts your face. 
“Knees.” You almost sob with relief when you turn to face away from him, letting him carelessly tear your jeans and underwear from your body, exposing the soft, slick lips of your cunt to the open air. 
The solid thunk of his knees meeting the hardwood floor of the living room is the only warning that preempts him breaching the warm clutch of your insides. He fucks into you slowly, slower than you ever thought possible, and you wonder whether it’s to stop himself from coming or to punish you further. His hulking frame bends over you, covering your back with his obscene warmth, even through your clothes. His zipper scratches you when he forces your pussy to accommodate his girth, filling you over and over until you're punch-drunk and gasping, hands slipping against the floor with every hard thrust and grind against you. Ghost’s hips rock and stutter when you cry out, bending further down, bringing his mouth to your ear to hiss at you to shut the fuck up, lest you wake your son. 
You’re stuck oscillating between sighing or crying, stuck wanting to surrender and wanting to fight back, screaming and shouting and grasping at straws to get you the fuck out of this because you’re frightened. You are scared of him, of what he can do and has done. To you, to your son. You’re scared that ultimately, deep down, you are meant for each other. Meant to stay locked to one another, holding hands while you inevitably sink into deep black nothing, choking on each other’s frustrations and wants, your shortcomings and would-be’s. 
Empty and unchanged. Fighting the same fights, wishing the same wishes. 
Then, Ghost speaks your fears into reality.
"You're mine," he huffs over you and you are so thankful he can't see how you need to bite your wrist to stop from moaning aloud. When he finally lets up, leaving your back woefully cold, he clamps his palm around the back of your neck and pushes, until your cheek is crushed against the floor and he can mount you properly, fucking you with what feels like all his strength, his leg hitched up to reach deeper, so deep it almost hurts.
"Hate me all you want now, but that kid back there means you will always belong to me. I will always be the man who gave him to you. No matter what poor sod you try to replace me with, I'll be the one who makes you feel like this. Eventually things will go back to how they're supposed to be.”
It’s probably the most words he’s said all week, in your presence anyway. It chokes you, fills your mouth, your lungs until that familiar drowning sensation threatens to pull you under. But not before you hear him mutter to himself;
“They have to.”
You can barely breathe underneath the pressure Ghost seems to bring with him everywhere. When you don’t respond to his claim (as if you could say anything with him taking your mind apart piece by piece), he hooks his arm around your throat, pulling you up against his chest, which of course, doesn’t make breathing any easier. Ghost drags his teeth over the shell of your ear, dropping his free hand low to draw small, deliberate circles against your clit. Air flees from your lungs while your hips twitch to follow along with his hand. The tip of his dick brushes your cervix and you yelp in response, the inevitable throbbing pain sending a lightning bolt right to your brain, and accompanied with the feeling of breathlessness, the sensation forces you to come over the length of his cock, the slick walls of your pussy clenching tight around him. When his arm finally slackens, you slump in his hold, eager to draw in lungfuls of precious air while Ghost batters the inside of your cunt while he continues to hold you upright. You groan loudly and he covers your mouth with his palm, soaked in your arousal. The light overhead feels like it’s blinding you, your skin feels raw and exposed, nerves on nerves that Ghost plucks and brushes to reduce you to rubble, nothing more than ruins underneath his practiced hands. 
You screw your eyes shut, heavy breaths from your nose are the only thing keeping you from blacking out, your pulse pounds in your throat while your mind tries to catch up with your body. 
Ghost lets his forehead fall to your shoulder and he finishes inside you, murmuring something you can’t hear while his hips knock into yours. He’s tense against you, before his limbs go languid and soft, brushing his half-covered nose against the side of your neck. You bat uselessly at the arm circling your midsection with a shaky fist, urging your ex to release you. It’s too much, you can smell him on your skin, feel him drip down the inside of your thigh, and you need it to be over now. He complies and you fall forward, unprepared for the sudden weightlessness. In a flash, his hands are back on you, grasping at your forearms and pulling you against him. It’s a breeze for him to drag your lax body onto the couch and cover you with the flimsy throw blanket you usually just laid over the back of the sofa. Your mind spins with the change of position. You don’t even know when he’d pulled out of you. 
For now, you’re just content to have the heavy curtain of sleep close on the events of the day, the funny little tragedy that your life has become. Content to have Ghost tuck you in and pull his favourite disappearing act. 
You mumble dreamily; “The invisible boyfriend!” Your arm flailing upwards in a mock flourish. You think that maybe, you hear him laugh at you. A quiet huff of air, muffled by a skull themed bandana. You think that maybe, you hear him flick the lights off in the house, like you usually do before bed. You think that maybe, you hear him check on Tommy in his room, cuddled into what is undoubtedly too many stuffed toys for his tiny mattress. You think that maybe, he sits on the floor by the couch and goes back to watching television while you drift off into a dreamless sleep, resting his head against your blanket-covered knee.
But, like always, he’s gone when you wake up. So maybe what you think you heard doesn't really matter.
Tumblr media
series masterlist here
3K notes · View notes
decolonize-the-left · 4 months
Text
Is anyone else just completely disillusioned? Done?
I could not think any less of people still talking about celebrities or how their biggest issues are not having a Starbucks cup that's $50
Like why are we as a collective letting people like that run the lives of everyone on the planet? A planet rife with unnecessary conflict and greed? People who can't be bothered to just Not go to chick-fil-a?
Why are people who clearly value profit over humanity in charge of humanity, ykwim? How the fuck did that become a majority opinion?
I drive thru my nuclear town, I go to our community events, our local small businesses, I try to support my community in ways I can everyday. But I can't help but notice that So Many of the people who do that alongside me, don't show up to protest for the rights of the people they claim to support.
Its all so incredibly shallow and one dimensional and obviously disingenuous and why the fuck are the rest of STILL begging for the ability to make changes within the framework they built?
Why are we still making educational posts for them and trying to make them understand when the first thing we are taught about reaching understand is that you must first be willing to listen and they refuse.
The ruling classes never listened. Never, ever have they granted anyone any oppressed group rights that they asked for without the group needing to fight for it. And it's always after generations of oppression.
I'm fucking tired of being nice and pretending the laws they made up matter and like their socially constructed bureaucracy is the only way to make change to be quite fucking honest.
They're LUCKY we use it EVER and now they don't even fucking listen to our voicemails?
The only things stopping me from taking what's mine are disabilities and I'm Dying to know what everyone else's excuses are.
Or is that?
Are we all physically too incapable? Is every single able bodied person actually a liberal fascist?
Asking for the disabled Turtle Mountain Ojibwe person typing this who's life literally depends on y'all caring enough about other people to make life anything but a list of systematic circumstances I'll suffer from until I eventually die early of an illness I can't afford medical aids for and which are not provided for me either.
And if you're able bodied and you feel the same... Start working outside that framework and stop asking so nicely. Stop giving a shit if you don't have the support of the oppressors and their liberal foot soldiers.
Stop worrying about what CNN is gonna say about you because I promise that the people who matter and Understand you will be inspired to follow in your foot steps and supportive.
Get active in your co-ops, mutual aid groups, and consider training like you're black bloc.
Learn what direct action is and how to do it and start doing it. Just reading theory era is over.
More of this
youtube
less whatever the level of cognitive dissonance this is
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Imagine saying 'i voted so I did everything I could' like the suffragettes didn't have an arson and bombing campaign because the people who Could vote were people benefitted from their systemic silence and thus did almost Nothing to help them get voting rights and they Refused to let oppressor laziness be their obstacle.
Yeah, they don't teach you that in Voting Matters School the suffragettes were bombing the UK just a year or two before they got their rights do they?
The only language oppressors will listen to is their own.
And I'm Tired of pretending otherwise because that delusion is what makes the privileged feel like they don't have to do anything but vote and makes them feel they're justified to criticize those of us that fight back through other avenues.
And maybe if we had politicians that gave a shit about any of us then those votes and movements and public sentiment would have a bigger sway in government, but they don't.
They don't fucking care.
Why are we still giving them power over any of us and letting them tell us what to do and demonize us when they use that power allowed to kill us and bury us in unmarked graves in some field in Mississippi? And make everything so expensive that the richest citizens on earth struggle to pay their bills?
Why can a government only "condemn" a state agent's right to shoot an unarmed protester 57 times, but they can bypass Congress to send Israel billions upon billions worth of weapons?
I'm tired of pretending this country is anything but a front for White Supremacists when every liberal I see is trying to gaslight everyone into thinking genocide is acceptable.
Shut the fuck up and get out of my equality tags, fascist.
220 notes · View notes