fistfight time

i said tesco parking lot you get tesco parking lot

we have winner of the main bracket mercutio versus winner of the losers bracket horatio how funky

graphic design is my passion <3

a soft life

Prompt: Retired! Simon Riley. A slow life in a Manchester farm.

warning: mentions of PTSD, mentions of cartel related violence, mentions of violence, MDNI.

PS: Opening line is from the book "Jarhead" (2001) by Anthony Swofford.

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A story.

A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterwards he returns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.

Sometimes he could still hear the bullets.

For a long time, it was hard to convince himself he deserved to grow old. It might have been a given fact to some other people but not for those in the military, not for Ghost, at least; not after Tommy and Beth, or Las Almas or Johnny. It took him a lot of time to be grateful to be almost 40. For several reasons, he never saw himself living past 20.

And now he was opening up the crates of the chickens he kept in his very own farm, a piece of land he actually owned, without a mask on, very far away from the bullet sounds and a barrack, from the mud and the camo, away from everything and everyone, not sound in the horizon but the chickens and Riley, the border collie dog he got, barking at a three somewhere in the distance.

He retired the summer he turned 40, there was a ceremony and everything, with Laswell and Price and he got more chest candy that would eventually end up in a wooden chest, never to be seen again, under the bed. There wasn't a reason, he just had to. He was in his prime, physically, but his mind was made of glass lately, everything rubbed him the wrong way, couldn't even train recruits without snapping too hard at them, making them quit, yell at them too much, scare them too much, beat them up to a pulp too much.

Every man in the military had a story. A life before, a life after. And in the middle, sand, or mud, or just camo. A war that last years, a mission that lasts hours. Silence and nosie.

He, like other recruits, like other Sergeants, Lieutenants, Colonels, had shadows over them. It took months for him to stop looking over his shoulder while doing the big shop on a sunday, started going to those overnight groceries store to shop alone instead. The butcher's reminded him both of his adolescence and the carnage he had caused, flinched whenever he saw a mohawk kid walking down the street, looked twice sometimes only to find a stranger.

Sometimes he could still hear the bullets, aye.

He turned in his paperwork and retired silently with lots of medals under his name, lots of dead men and probably women under his knife, missing friends, missing nerves and too scarred to be a model now. Ha.

Oh, and Y/N's wanted to get away at some point anyway.

Y/N. The last drink he never should have had, the cut that made him hide his face, and the party that made him feel his age. Pulp's words, not his. All it took was a few nights shopping at the Tesco she was working in as a cashier, late night shift, for them to become acquainted.

A year of mutual pinning, a single night in which Y/N placed the bourbon bottle and the batteries inside of the paper bag and looked up at Simon, change in hand (because he paid in cash always, no traces behind) and smiled at him. COVID had made it easier to transition from the skull balaclava to a medical mask and then to a bare face, so Simon looked at her behind the black medical mask and stared at her while she opened her mouth.

-Why do bees have sticky hair?

Simon blinked, looking down at her. -Pardon?

No line behind him. It was the first time the cashier talked to him other than "Goodnight" and "Drive safe", or "It will be 5.66, please". There was a faraway sound of some sort of 80's American pop music, something to pass time by. Simon had noticed her since the first time he came into this very same Tesco a few months ago, had noticed how she sang along whatever music was on, how her Tesco blue uniform looked too big on her, making her look insanely small and slinky. He noticed how she was always almost without a medical mask and whenever she used it, it was laced around her chin; he noticed short, clean nails, and a heart necklace over her chest, a pair of dazzling dove eyes, full hips, a belly.

He really noticed the full hips.

The girl fucking giggled and repeated. She must had a bit of Irish in her judging by the sound of her accent. Simon felt as awkward as a teenage boy in front of any girl ever -Why do bees have sticky hair?

The man shook his head, still confused, a quid in his hand.

-Because they use a honeycomb.

Ah, a woman after his own heart. Such a lame joke.

He snorted out a laugh.

It simply slipped and he memorized the name tag before grabbing his shopping bag and shaking his head, hearing her giggle behind him as he exited the store, and he came back two days later after convincing himself he needed two jars of red bean jam instead of the usual one.

Sometimes he could still hear the bullets.

And now she sleeps here; and Simon had stared at her sleeping form wondering how much time it would take for her to start hating his way of loving, of being, how many times he would go silent on the phone, a bad texter, a worst caller, how he hated crowded places and loud noises and most of their dates happened in her flat, when her roommate was out, staring silently at a film on TV, her friends thinking she's getting her brains fucked out by an experienced, older, lust thirst Vet when in reality, Ghost was gathering up the courage to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

And now she sleeps here.

In the crook of his neck, his thigh over his hip, wild hair all over the bed, sometimes inside his mouth because he stopped using a mask a while ago.

In the mornings, tangled in their bed, warm sheets, the soft breeze of Riley sleeping under the bed, her sweet sweat and vanilla scented skin under his, it took Simon a few seconds to realize he was sleeping in the company of someone; in the arms of a woman and in his own bed, a king size bed with soft white sheets that were washed and changed every 5 days, not a twin bed in a barrack, that his years of active service were over, not forgotten, as if, but that he could allow himself to become whatever he might end up becoming if the 141 didn't happened.

-Come here, boy. Come here, Riley. Yeah, yeah...- said Simon scrunching down to caress right behind Riley's ear, the dog sticking out his long tongue and barking of joy mixed with the hyper sense of his breed, the soldier being careful not to break the eggs he held in a small basket. Simon had found him a puppy a few months ago, seemed like years really, in a litter box with 6 of his brothers and sisters, a beat-up cardboard sign reading "For adoption." And Simon picked up the only one with a lazy ear. He knew deep down that Y/N would appreciate that and simply put him in the passenger seat of the black Bronco truck he owned and drove all the way back home. -You're up early, eh? You having breakkie with us?

He had fallen into a comfortable routine now. He would wake up, crawl over Y/N's sleeping figure, careful not to wake her with the crack of dawn, 5AM with the BBC on his headphones, a 6'2 shadow jogging through the hills of the outskirts of Manchester, for an hour only the dark of the road, the eventual baby blue of the sky, the warmth of the sun. Sometimes Riley was up for it, sometimes he stood behind cuddled up in their room. And upon his return he would work out in their driveway for another hour, noticing the growing presence of what the media now called a "Dad Bod" (Y/N's words, not him) and eventually hearing soft barefoot steps coming from the room.

There was tea for two before he had to head out, get some tasks done, and a soft kiss hanging from Y/NS plush lips, and he would always try to push it, try his luck. He would smile against it, whispering "Good morning..." with a lazy voice, hands on Y/N's full hips, kneading them, in need of them, and Simon would press up with hard on against her stomach, while deepening the kiss.

It never failed to make her wet. It never failed to make her forget the kettle on the fire for a minute and simply give into his kiss, his embrace; him, overall. Simon would pick her up, easily, laid her on the counter, and her robe would open for him, with or without his help, and she was always so wet for him, so ready to do it.

-Simon...- she will say. - Breakfast...

And he wasted no time into twisting her words, dropping to his knees as if he was in the presence of a saint, of a virgin, of the end of the world, staring at her glistening cunt first thing in the morning, looking up with the adoration she deserved; she would gulp and argue it was not what she meant but she would recoil and whimper when Simon stuck his tongue inside his cunt anyway, overlapping her folds, blissfully eating her out before the sun was completely out.

The dog kept barking all the way down to the house, past the barn and the driveway, the small stable with the one horse they had, the pen he was building to eventually own sheep, and Simon felt the cold breeze of the early morning seeping through his black knit sweater and his jean jacket, as he walked all the way across the grass fields and into his porch, the swinging chair Y/N liked to read in, in a need of a reparation.

-Right...- he whispered to himself seeing the hammer he left outside to remind himself to fix the damn chair, bloody hell. Riley's nose peeked through the front door, opening it with ease and technique allowing themselves in, and the cold of the outside world was quickly gone.

Simon stepped into a cozy home, with a color palette he would have never picked, all warm yellows and oranges, pinks and whites, and soft cushions, warm blankets, a picknick turntable in the coffee table; and music, soft music he didn't recognize coming from it, a spinning record on it with yellow and pink lyrics, a girl signing about a loved one, and another voice, a present one, horribly trying to sing along.

He snorted out a laugh when Riley started barking and the voice was interrupted abruptly.

-Simon?...- Radio silence. -Babe?

Oh, the sound of his name in her mouth.

He crossed his living room, stepping into the kitchen, holding four eggs in a small bowl, one from each hen they owned, and he stood in the door frame, just a tad taller than him, admiring the view. He had endured white missions in the Russian winter, literal months of the gruesome torture and gory tasks and they all suddenly made sense because there was a girl.

Ah, there was a girl, alright.

Today was English breakfast. No peas for him, no sausages for her. It was stereotypical but easy to make and no one was around to judge them anyway. Next house was a few miles down the road, and even the road was far away, the town was a 30-minute ride. It was their little bit of heaven. The man stepped in, handing her the basket like every other day and kissed her temple, as she grilled some tomatoes slice ups leaning back against him. His hands would find her hips again and she would yawn with intimacy, hair still a mess, thighs still sticky. -Teas on the table, love. It's gone get cold.

-Ah, it's alright...- he said, hugging her tightly, as she kept leaning on him. -Slow morning today, eh...

She had been there and stuck around whenever the PTSD started acting up. She was the one that loved him when he started going fucking mental; and stuck around when she found her burning up SAS gear, a lost look in his eyes as he did so. He would throw in a Ghost mask and watch it burn for a moment, before murmuring a shocked sob and reaching out into the flames to retrieve it. She stuck around while he drank too much bourbon sitting on the porch, skull mask on, his dogs' tags held so tightly his knuckles will go white with force. Y/N even stuck around when the nightmares came, and she would wake up to Ghost whimpering on his side of the bed, breaking a cold sweat, his jaw tight and her brows furrowed, screaming out "Johnny! Johnny!" before waking up in tears, in raged hot tears down his cheeks, short of breath, his head a full of bullet noises and sirens wailings, pictures of his team and the blood and the grease paint. A mess. A shaking shadow.

Every October 11, she will make sure to hold him a little tighter, kiss him a little softer, love him, if it was possible, a little louder.

And she was here now, cooking breakfast, no peas for him; now he was living a soft life, with tea every morning, and a dog named Riley, with soft hands that wondered around his chest whenever he thought about Soap too much, about Gaz and that helo. But she was here now, and she had no sausages today, as they sat down on their small chair in their small kitchen in their small farm. He was living a soft life, and he didn't think of himself as worthy of it, but he must have been done something good to have her cooking breakfast and sleeping in their bed and caressing their dog under the table.

Tomorrow, Ghost would ask her to come out to the porch to find her reading swing fixed and a wedding ring.

She's going to say yes.

He didn't heard the bullets anymore.

_____________________________________________________________

Hello! Venom here.

Thank you so much to anyone that's been liking my story.

Happy 2024!

when Lily’s normal route home from work is closed she has to find a new way, and discovers a cute little bakery with a viewing window into the kitchen.

Read on AO3

Lily Evans had no problem walking around London. Her flatmates would always tell her to be careful, take the train, the bus, or even an Uber. Like she could afford to take an Uber every day for goodness sake. Lily  had a plan to pay off her student loans before she was thirty, and a tight budget to meet that goal. So she walked nearly everywhere, no matter the weather or the season. That’s what waterproofs, big coats, and good shoes were for. 

Her favourite was the walk home after finishing a night shift at around 5 am when the sky was just waking up. Not that a person could see much of the sky when walking through the built-up areas of London. The streets would be free of nearly everything but the vans delivering the first edition papers to the newsstands, or the milkmen doing their rounds, milk bottles clinking as the electric carts trundled past her. She hadn’t even realised milk was still delivered this way, not since she was a child growing up in the long narrow streets of Cardiff could she remember collecting milk from your door. 

She always walked the same way. Turn right from the hospital, then keep going straight across three traffic lights until she came to the rather grand looking Empire Hotel. There, cross the street and take the diagonal alleyway down to the underpass. Putting her foil-wrapped packet of leftovers from the night shift into the outdoor sleeper’s donation box, then up along a collection of grubby shops around the kids’ play park and then home.

That had been her route for months, it was the shortest she had managed to find. She never worried about muggers or strangers, she knew how to look after herself if anyone did try. Fourteen years of Thai-Kwon-Do training did that to your confidence. But even despite that, wearing her NHS ambulance uniform was like wearing an extra layer of protection anyway. So walk that way she did, every single time without fail. Until one day the alleyway was blocked by a great big orange barrier, stopping her halfway along.

Lily grumbled thinking they could at least put a sign up by the entrance and not make her walk all the way up here first. She disliked the idea of backtracking too far so she got out her phone and let it find her location. The maps on her device were notoriously inaccurate, usually putting her in the general direction of about three different streets, but this time it pinged her straight away and gave her a dotted line to follow. Just a little further down from the blocked off alleyway was another little side street, this one brighter and more welcoming than her usual route. There was also a fantastic smell of baking bread emanating from one of the buildings.

Normally at this hour, the only shops with any sign of activity were the 24hour convenience shops with their harsh strip lighting, lino floors, and soulless self-checkouts. As soon as she saw the front of this place she wished she had found this route sooner.

It looked straight out of a Dickens novel with its small square glass panelled bay window, the outside woodwork and door painted British racing green and with a swinging sign in the shape of a mushroom-like chef’s hat. She read the name of the place written in golden cursive lettering, Too Hot to Handle. She nearly laughed out loud. As she stepped closer wondering when they opened she spotted the small side window into the kitchen, where the baker was busy making bread.

Was there anything in the world more satisfying than watching someone knead dough? The way the shoulder blades slid underneath the thin t-shirt, biceps bulging and contracting. Strong hands gliding the dough, fingers sprinkling down the flour. 

Perhaps Lily was a little obsessed, perhaps not everyone thought the way she did about bread. The smell alone was making her mouth water, but perhaps if they also happened to walk past a bakery that had a viewing window into the kitchen they would find it equally mesmerising. The muscled back in question that had first caught her eye never faced the window, never even lifted their head from the task. She stepped away reluctantly, promising herself to come back when they were open.

The next morning she had to walk past the bakery once more. She was pleased to see it hadn’t been a figment of her overtired brain. The swinging sign and golden lettering were a welcoming sight to her. Once again her footsteps slowed as she approached the window peeking into the kitchen, she let herself stand a bit closer this time, breathing in the delicious smells coming from the extractor vent. Was it the same baker as yesterday? He still didn’t seem to notice her looking at him, his methodical movements were efficient and captivating. He was making rolls, two at a time. A figure coming into the kitchen broke her stare and she looked away from the baker to see a woman standing in the doorway to the shop looking curiously straight at her. Guiltily she stepped back like she had been caught peeping at a changing room and rushed off up the street, her heart beating.

For the next few days, Lily’s mind kept going back to that little street. She was on her rest days so had no reason to just randomly walk past. She would actually have to stop and buy something. She had not had a properly made crusty roll from a bakery in so long. There was nothing in the world as comforting as freshly made bread. She remembered her dad making some every Sunday as a treat until his arthritis made it too painful. She had already started to fantasise about what it would taste like, what kind of bread would she buy? It wasn’t that she had a problem, of course she didn’t, but back when she had been training more, it had become a staple to stop at the bakery on her way home from the gym and buy herself a doughnut. She still remembered the way her sister had always commented on it, making her feel like she should be ashamed of eating anything at all.

Luckily for Lily and her mental health she had stopped listening to what her sister thought of anything at all long before that moment, in fact, it would make eating the sweet treats taste that much better. She wondered if they did french pastry too? Unfortunately, she was still too mortified about being caught sneaking outside to go in. Even the next couple of times walking home in the early hours, she made sure she took the detour past but refused to let her feet linger, telling herself the smell was enough. 

*

There were no leftover sandwiches when she walked into the break room at the end of her shift. There were always leftover sandwiches. It wasn’t really that big of a deal, but on top of everything else that had happened this shift, it made Lily almost feel like crying. She had been on an emergency call trying to keep them calm, willing them to keep talking to her until the ambulance arrived. She had stayed on the line with them well past the end of her shift, not wanting to leave even after she heard the paramedics arrive and she was supposed to hang up, she had listened to them working to stabilize them enough to transport. It was only when the line went quiet that she disconnected, knowing they were on their way to the hospital, to the best possible care. Being an emergency call operator was never an easy job, but some days were way worse than others. Lily had just wanted to sit in the break room for a few minutes to settle herself and eat something sweet to feel better. But the staff room that always had snacks of varying levels of freshness was looking extremely clean and bereft of anything apart from coffee. She sighed, thinking she would have to brave the Tesco on the corner of her street before she went home, being unable to rely on the contents of her own fridge. She hated that supermarket, especially when she was already past the point of regular tiredness. It was going to be a slow walk home.

She thought that until she walked past the little bakery. The bakery that was not closed. The smells of baking, more intense than ever with the shop door propped open by a statue of a round fat man in a similar chef’s hat to the one on the sign. It had been over a month since she had been seen at the window, surely enough time had passed for her to no longer be embarrassed.

Inside the shop was just as pretty as the outside. Shelves lined with wicker baskets filled with so many types of bread covered the back wall. Glass fronted display cabinets filled with colourful dainty cakes, pastries, meringues, pies, and biscuits, made a barrier between where she was standing and the server. There was not a great deal of space where she stood, even less behind the counter, it was small but every part of it had been maximised to its full potential, the selection was astonishing, considering she was pretty sure all the work was done by hand. Lily had no idea how long she stood there astonished by the selection. It reminded her of the fancy cake shops she had seen on her school trip to Paris as a teenager.

When Lily finally tore her head away from the displays long enough to look at the server, she recognised them as the same women who had spotted her at the window. She looked to be in her sixties Lily guessed, her short grey hair was kept neatly in place by the white hat she was wearing, her intelligent eyes were watching her with polite interest. And her smile was warm and welcoming. Lily tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looked back down at the display.

“Two sourdough rolls, and three Pain Au chocolats’ please?” she asked shyly. The ladies’ smile broadened as she turned to fill a paper bag with two intricately scored round rolls from one of the baskets behind her. Lily glanced to the side door, she could hear the sound of dough being slapped against the table, but wherever they were standing they were not visible from her position.

She paid for her goods contactlessly, grabbed the paper bag as it was handed to her, and practically ran out of the shop.

She unfurled the top as soon as she was out of view, unable to wait until she was home to eat the pastry. She was so hungry she didn't waste any time but bit about half of it in one. It was sweet and buttery, with a softly melting chocolate centre, she had never tasted anything that came even close since that same Paris trip. She was just finishing it off, licking her fingers unashamedly when she reached the underpass. Because she was later the usually unidentifiable lumpy sleeping bag was a person sitting up. She did not hesitate at all before handing them the other pastries still in their smaller paper bag, hoping they wouldn’t be disappointed.

“No leftover sandwiches today I’m sorry,” she told them, not waiting around for a reply. She was beginning to feel a rather welcome sugar rush, pushing off her fatigue for long enough to keep her legs moving and back to her flat.

When she finally got home, she sat down hard at the kitchen table, contemplating just going to bed instead of trying to eat anymore. But the sugar from the pastry was wearing off and she knew she would wake up famished, and sooner than she wanted to if she didn’t. Wearily she lifted herself back up and looked in the fridge. There wasn’t a huge selection to go with her bread, but there were some cheddar slices and still a little bit of her dad’s homemade chutney.

The first bite made her make a noise she had never uttered outside of her bedroom before. The way the crispy crust broke making that wonderful crackle as her teeth sunk through to soft inner bread, the flavours of the cheese and pickle mingling perfectly, she was in complete heaven.

“My god, Evans I thought you’d brought a bloke home!” Marlene, her flatmate, exclaimed walking out of her bedroom already in her scrubs, blonde hair tied back severely into a bun. “You’re home late, bad shift?” Lily just nodded and took another bite, swiping the crumbs off her chin with a finger, “Do you want to talk about it?” Lily shook her head and moaned again. “Jeez Lily, why don’t you take it to your room? What’s in that sandwich?”

“This is the best thing ever, you have to try it.” Marlene looked sceptical but nevertheless took a bite out of the roll and her eyes rolled backwards. No words were needed Lily just nodded her agreement.

*

Lily didn’t think about the little bakery until she was standing outside it again the next morning. She should have just kept walking, she knew it would be closed. Why had her feet even come this way at all? But her feet wanted her to have a closer look at the treats on offer, and perhaps a peek at who was making them.

The dark-haired, broad-shouldered guy was there again, his back to the window, hands and arms busy working the dough on the table in front of him, she thought he was making some kind of small pastry, his fingers were deftly twisting then placing on large greased trays.  He was wearing black and white check chef’s trousers today with the same long sleeved, tightly fitting, white T-shirt she remembered from before, his shoulder blades danced underneath the cotton, the ribbon of his apron crossing tightly around his neat waist, and a red and black bandana covering his head.

She couldn’t make out his face. Not even in a reflection, as every surface in that room was stainless steel or wood.

“Good morning,” came a female voice from right beside, making Lily jump out her skin and turn like she had been caught with her hand in the sweetie jar.

“Hi, sorry,” she gave her a nervous smile, “ just looking at your wonderful cakes.” She felt the heat rise up in her cheeks at the obvious lie. She was at the wrong window.

“Did you enjoy the rolls yesterday?” she asked next, making Lily stop.

“Yes, thank you, they were wonderful,” she replied, impressed.  “You must have a good memory, I’m sure you get loads of customers every day” 

“True,” she replied with a twinkle in her eyes, “ but not normally as early as you.” Lily shrugged looking down at her shoes.

“Yes, I’m just going home from my shift, I finished a bit later yesterday so you were actually open.”

“Oh, we are open now, if you would like to buy something. Not quite as much is ready yet, but we have croissants just out of the oven.” She started walking back into the shop as she was speaking so Lily had no choice but to follow her in. Lily’s mouth was already watering at the thought of the buttery flakey pastry.

“Just out the oven?” Lily asked in a delighted almost whisper.

“Oh, yes. How many would you like?”

“Four?” Remus had thrown a strop yesterday when he’d discovered she’d gone to a bakery and hadn’t brought back anything for him so she would make sure she did today.

“No problem, I’ll just have to go get them. They might still be a little hot but I’ll put them in a box for you.” Her voice trailed off as she went into the kitchen leaving Lily to stand and wait. “JAMES!” She heard the woman shout from another room. “Where are the..? Oh, never mind, I found them.” She came back carrying the kind of boxes that were normally reserved for delicate cakes and placed it on the top of the glass for Lily to take.

“May I ask, do you make everything by hand?”

“Well not me personally anymore, I help a bit but it’s mainly my sons who do all the work,” she stated proudly. “Would you like anything else?” Lily shook her head.

“I would love too but I don’t have the time to burn it off anymore,” she confessed and the lady smiled politely. She paid for her pastry, went to leave but before she reached the door the thought struck her.

“Did you open just for me?”

“Oh, no my dear we just decided to open a little earlier today for no reason at all.”

* 

Lily arrived back at her flat to find Marlene and Remus already sitting at their kitchen table expectantly. Remus was hugging the biggest mug they had and the smell of roast coffee was thick in the air. Marlene was wrapped up in her fluffy pink dressing gown, her hair in rollers. Lily remembered her saying she was going to spend today with her girlfriend, the doctor. Lily thought she might have been here already. Dorcas often spent the night, especially if they both had the rare occurrence of a shared day off the next day. It was a little cliche for nurses and doctors to date, but understandable as who else could understand the demanding schedule of hospital staff. But it seemed that Marlene had made plans to meet her later. Where Marlene looked like she was on her way to being ready for her day, Remus looked like he had barely woken up. 

“Wow Remus, what’s the occasion? I don’t normally see you out of your room before noon?”

“Marlene and you were rhapsodising about those fucking rolls you had yesterday. I just had to try for myself, so hand them over.”

“Who says I want to share?”

“That box you are holding,” he replied with his hand out, with an exaggerated sigh she placed the box in his hand and went to make herself some tea. She smiled to herself as she saw the teapot already sitting with a herbal tea bag inside.

“I would have poured it already but I know you don’t like it over brewed.” Marlene told her with a smile, and she was right. Lily hated the bitter taste if it was left too long. Coffee was her favourite but she would never sleep if she took any now.

“No cakes?” Marlene exclaimed sounding slightly disappointed, taking a croissant out the box. “These do look good, though.” Lily tried not to roll her eyes at her friend who had the sweetest tooth, Lily, on the other hand, didn’t quite so much, she liked chocolate but preferred it more on the dark side. She was the type of person who would eat the rich fruit Christmas cake but leave the icing.

Remus picked up one for himself. “They’re still a little warm!” he exclaimed with joy. Without being asked Lily took the jar of chocolate spread out of the cupboard and placed it with a knife in front of him, he didn’t say anything just smirked at the jar.

“Oh my fucking god,” Marline said her mouth full, she moaned leaning back in her chair looking up at the ceiling. Remus and Lily both watched her, slightly stunned by her reaction. Remus pulled a piece from the end and popped it in his mouth. His reaction wasn’t quite as extreme but his eyes closed as he savoured the flavour nodding to himself as if agreeing with Marlene.

“Good lord, can you two get a grip on yourselves?” Lily complained before sitting down and taking a bite of her own. She thought she knew what it would taste like having already tried a breakfast pastry just yesterday. The outside flaked but not enough that you were left with a mouthful of crumbs, the inner layers were soft and pale yellow, with almost a lightly toasted flavour. 

“Huh?” she said amazed.

“You need to tell me where this place is. You can’t deny me this, you have no idea,” Remus told her earnestly.

“Do you and these need to get a room?” Marlene giggled, looking in the box for more.

“Says the woman who was moaning not two minutes before.” Remus glanced at the single crescent moon left in the box, then at her. Lily took a long sip of her tea before placing it down with a sigh. 

“You two can fight over the last one or be adults and share it. I’m going to bed.”

“Lily, where is this place?” Remus called to her pleadingly

“Buccaneer street,” Lily replied with a yawn closing her bedroom door, and blocking out her two best friends.

*

Lily awoke to a quiet house. This was not unusual, Marlene was often on the opposite shift to herself and Remus tended to spend most of his awake time doing whatever freelance photographers did outside the house.

Sleepily she stretched and put her slippers on, shuffled back to the kitchen hoping they had refilled the coffee machine for her. She had left her phone on the kitchen table and the screen lit up as she sat down.

Two texts from Remus and an Instagram notification. 

Remus: I found your bakery. 

Either I need to start going to the gym again or find a man who likes my dry wit and stunning 

personality.

Remus: The baker is HOT. Like OMG are you kidding me hot!

Having that viewing window into the kitchen is genius.

I could have stared at that arse all day.

Lily rolled her eyes as she tapped out a reply.

Lily: Haha I knew you would love the place, it's cute isn’t it?

Lily poured herself a large cup of coffee and was settling down to drink it when her screen lit up again.

Remus: Update. So I got talking with the owner and said she would be happy for me to take a few pictures to help promote their business.

Apparently, they’ve not been there that long.

I’ve already taken a few snaps for my insta.

Lily exited her text messages and opened her Instagram and selected Remus’ page. It was always full of an assortment of fabulous pictures of all sorts of things, normally related to current events. But all of them today were pictures from that beautiful tiny bakery. Her breath caught when she viewed the last picture. The grey-haired lady who had served her both times without the usual white hat and apron, wearing a cornflower blue dress covered in tiny white flowers, standing smiling proudly, an arm around the two men standing at each side of her with their backs to the camera completely dwarfing her. They were wearing matching bandanas and T-shirts but instead of the usual plain white she had seen every time, these were dark green and both said Too Hot….? across the shoulders.  Euphemia Potter with her sons: James and Sirius Lily read. At least now she had a name for each of them but still not a face to the bakers. Which one was her baker?

Lily: Your skills are slipping, Remus. Are they so ugly you had to save us from seeing their faces? 

Remus: They wanted to promote their brand and not their faces, which I am so upset about. They are both extremely handsome, but Sirius (the one with the sleeve tattoo) is so hot I almost dropped my camera.

Lily looked a bit more closely at the photo and spotted the arm with the intricate sleeve work. Unfortunately, this still wasn’t much to go on. They both had dark hair the majority of which was hidden under matching bandanas and the same build, was one a little shorter? 

Lily: Did he show any interest back?

Remus: Sort of. I’m not sure, I’ll tell you about it when I get home. Are you working later?

Remus, as it turned out, was hopeless when it came to making a first move, and had no additional information to tell her beyond the fact that when he had told Sirius he liked his tattoos, Sirius had complimented his camera and touched his arm. This to Lily was a ringing endorsement of interest at the very least, but not to poor Remus who couldn’t even say for sure he knew he was gay.

This just made Lily shake her head at her poor clueless friend, and decide she would have to do something about this herself. The way Remus was talking about him she just knew this had to happen if it was at all possible, she owed it to Remus as his best friend.

Going back to the bakery for the third day in a row, Lily’s budget was really starting to take a bit of a battering. She wasn’t sure if she could keep this up. Buying things in London was expensive, buying handcrafted artisan food in London was enough to make you consider your life choices. She would sacrifice her budget, just this once. 

It was not exactly the day off she had originally planned. That day had included wearing her pajamas all day, a scorching hot bath, a bottle of wine and not leaving the flat at all. But here she was, dressed in her best fitting jeans, midnight blue top, long grey oversized cardigan, and ankle boots, standing outside the little bakery waiting her turn. She had never been in the middle of the day before so had never had to que. This did not bode well for her plan at all. She couldn’t be charming and funny and ask for his number for her friend if she was holding up the line. She just couldn't do that, she hated people who did that. Well, hate was a strong word, she would get mildly disgruntled if she had to wait behind chatty customers when she was in a hurry.

The first barrier to get over of course would be Mrs Potter, perhaps if Lily could get her inside help? But the relationship between sons and their mothers was a tricky thing. She would have to tread carefully, she had grown far too fond of this place to have to stop due to a misunderstanding with the owner. The line got closer to the shop and she could now see inside the kitchen. The stainless steel table was bare and wiped clean, no evidence of the usual industry. She tried to suppress her disappointment, feeling more than a little guilty for objectifying whoever it was she had been looking forward to watching. 

The que ahead was going down quickly now, and just before she reached the door a customer came out clutching a large paper bag to his chest.

“We’re sold out folks.” Lily heard a strong male voice call out to the waiting customers, who immediately started moving away, with less grumbling than Lily would have thought. This must be a regular occurrence.

“Knew I should have gotten here sooner, dang it.” The man behind her spoke, before heading back up the street in the direction of the Empire Hotel and the main road. Lily watched him go and noticed she was now the only person left waiting, seeing this as a perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation without holding up any customers she stepped inside. The man who had spoken had his head down adding numbers to a large notebook as she walked in. She tried to look for any signs of tattoos but his arms were covered by the same style white coat that she’d seen Mrs Potter wearing. But where her coat had a large golden E on it, this coat had an ornately scrolled S.

“I’m sorry if you didn’t hear, but we’re all sold out,” his voice trailed off as he looked up from his task, her heart gave an involuntary flutter as he shot a lopsided grin at her while dropping his pen. He wasn’t wearing the chef’s whites, but Lily was pretty sure this must be Sirius. He was incredibly handsome, dark eyes regarded her behind dark framed glasses, that rested on a bold but not over large nose, his strong jaw had a hint of stubble that suggested he had either missed shaving that morning or was someone who needed to shave more frequently. A green and white check bandana covered his head showing very little of the dark hair underneath apart from at the nape of his neck where a few strands had escaped and were curling.  He flashed another smile at her showing perfectly straight white teeth. “All I’ve got is coffee. Would you like some?” The way he asked wasn’t the usual seller to potential purchaser tone. It sounded to Lily like he was offering her a friendly drink. 

“How much is your coffee?”

“Oh no, it’s not for sale, it’s just I’m going to have a cup, so if you want some too you can. It’s not good enough to sell to customers.” He flushed slightly and shook his head. “I’m sorry. Mum usually does the customer side. I need more practice. It’s not terrible I promise.” 

“The coffee or your customer service?” she replied with a twitch of her own lips.

“Both could be better,'' he replied. That lopsided grin was back again as he adjusted his glasses and made his way over to the only plastic thing in the shop apart from the till. He looked at her expectantly as he held two empty mugs. 

“Eh, yeah sure. I’ll have a cup. Milk and one sugar if you have it.” Lily was trying her best to stop admiring him. She had never found herself attracted to someone quite as quickly before, especially not someone who Remus was hopeless about. Lily determinedly squashed down her attraction, her friendship code wouldn’t allow that. From what Remus had told her she was pretty sure Sirus wouldn’t be interested in her anyway. Remus might not be sure, but Lily knew that he had a tendency to get rather flustered around attractive men, and miss the most obvious of signals. “I hope your mum’s okay?” she asked, taking the mug quickly as he was holding the handle out to her. 

“Oh yeah, she’s fine, just her day off.” He waved his hand casually before grabbing his own mug. She took a sip of the coffee as she tried to think of a way to bring up the whole reason why she was here. He was right, the coffee wasn’t good enough to sell. It tasted like the stuff she occasionally had to drink from her work’s vending machine. She tried to hide the grimace at the taste. 

“I have a friend who was here yesterday, he said you’ve not been open long? But you must be doing well to sell out so quickly.”

“We’ve been doing okay,” he replied modestly, giving a shrug and rubbing the back of his neck. “We normally have more made, but on the days my mum isn't here it’s more difficult to keep up, you know?”

“Yes, I understand, that must be so difficult to manage. Did you relocate far, because it doesn’t seem like you're new to this?” Why was she interviewing him? This wasn’t how it was supposed to be going, but she just wanted to know everything about him. It was incredibly charming, the way his eyes would meet hers then drift away like he didn’t want to be caught looking too intently at her.

“We had a place in Brighton, it did pretty well but just didn’t get the foot traffic. A developer offered to buy the whole row of shops well above the market value, so mum decided we would try our luck in the city instead.” He seemed to be relaxing into the conversation, resting a hip against the back counter, his free hand holding onto the edge. Lily found herself clinging on to every word he uttered, he had a very calming tone to his voice. He was so fascinating to her. Oh, it wasn’t fair that someone could be so attractive and so unavailable.

“Oh, I love Brighton, me and my mates would go all the time when I was at Uni, there are some really great bars and drag shows, it’s always a fun night,” she told him earnestly. “There is such a good scene in Brighton you must miss it.”

“Maybe a little but honestly it’s been a long time since I went out regularly, and the bars were never really for me. Bakers have to be up too early in the morning to spend all night out drinking.”

“The hours must make it difficult to spend time with your boyfriend,”  she asked him, trying her best to sound casual. He choked on his coffee.

“Boyfriend?” he spluttered, making her shrug.

“I just thought a handsome guy like you, no way you’re single?” She smiled at him warmly, he was clearly a little shy talking about this as his cheeks flushed slightly. He even looked attractive when he did that.

“That’s nice of you to say, but sadly I am definitely, extremely single. What about you? Anyone special in your life? Did you come to my shop to buy sweet treats for them?” She shook her head in reply.

“No, I’m just as single too. I guess we’re both as bad as each other?”

“Eh yeah, I guess we are. It’s a nice change when someone comes in and isn’t mad we have sold out of food. ” He took a long drink from his coffee, his eyes watching her intently over the top of his mug. It would have made her blush if she thought he had any interest in her.

“Yes I can imagine.” She really could sympathise, her own work took up so much of her time, a social life beyond the occasional night out with her friends was pretty much beyond her. “Well if you ever get a day off and want to go drink better tasting coffee than this I know a few places, one not that far from here in fact.”

“You do?” he asked, sounding surprised,.“I’d like that. It’s my day off tomorrow actually, it’s probably too soon…”

“No, tomorrow would be nice. Shall we meet here around this time?”

Remus was sitting at the kitchen table once more when she got home, various piles of chopped vegetables arranged before him in neat piles. She loved it when she was home for Remus’ cooking, it always made her feel like they were their own little family. She walked up to him and hugged his shoulders as he continued to chop mushrooms into four.

“You seem happy,” he observed, “did you have a nice day off?”

“It was nice actually,” she replied, releasing him and grabbing a slice of pepper, “I’m off again tomorrow we should do something.” He shrugged and nodded in a maybe kind of way. Which was as close to a yes I’d love to as she was likely to get.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Oh, nothing in particular, we could just go out for coffee, or whatever.”

“Lily, you constantly complain to me that barista coffee is overpriced, to be fair you complain that most things in London are overpriced” his eyes squinted at her suspiciously. “What are you up to?”

She took a bite of the pepper and tried to look innocently back at him. “Why do you think because I want to do something nice with my friend you immediately think I’m up to something? It’s outrageous.” She finished her pepper before giving a dramatic yawn. “Well, I think I’ll take a little nap before dinner is ready, unless you want some help?”

“No, I’m good thanks. Pretty sure I can manage to make pasta sauce without your assistance, I’ll wake you when it’s ready.”

*

Lily was enjoying walking with Remus, they didn’t do it nearly often enough. Normally when she walked it was by herself, with a purpose and normally at a brisk pace, but not today. Today she was strolling casually with one of her best friends, back down to the street where the bakery was. Her arm was linked through Remus’ who, as always had his camera slung around his neck making him look more like a tourist than someone who had lived in London their entire life. Freelance photographers lived for that perfect image that would make them, they also never took a day off. Lily had given up trying to get him to part with it for at least a day long before now. But it seemed today he was content to leave his camera at his side.

Either Remus was no longer suspicious of Lily’s motives to go for coffee with him , or he had decided to play along. He was looking very fine in chinos and a coral v-neck jumper. He had styled his sandy locks, and it was flopping over to the left side of his face in a perfectly casual way. She was pretty sure the reason why he was so nicely dressed and no longer asking questions was because he had sussed out her cunning plan to set him up with Sirius the fit bakery guy. Especially as he had not even commented when there were a dozen nicer coffee shops much closer than the one she had suggested.

“Can we please stop pretending  that we aren’t going to the bakery now? I’m pretty sure you are setting me up in some way here, and by the direction we are going, it has to be with that delicious baker boy,” Remus said finally, making Lily chuckle slightly.

“Why do we have to stop pretending? I was having so much fun watching you silently holding back your questions.” He didn’t respond at first just compressed his lips into a thin line and continued their walk in companionable silence.

“You may as well tell me, we are almost there.”

“Well okay, yes, but you have to pretend to be all shy and surprised to see him, I want my matchmaking skills to be on full show.” She hugged his bicep briefly, making him shudder at the contact. Lily loved when Remus was slightly off balance it made her feel a bit more normal about her own insecurities.

“Lily, there will be no need to pretend, I’m already in danger of sweating through my jumper,”

“But you look so handsome,” she replied looking up at him adoringly making him smile a small pleased smile. “Sirius isn’t going to know what hit him.”

“Oh, I hope you’re right.”

Lily spotted him before Remus did, standing outside his bakery, talking to another man, who Lily assumed was a customer by the familiar paper bag he was carrying. At least she thought it was the same guy who had offered her a coffee yesterday. She recognised the smile first, and his laugh as it drifted towards them. Lily had thought he looked handsome before in his white coat and bandana, but it was nothing compared to how he looked with his hair set free. He had so much of it, how on earth had he kept it all under that piece of fabric. He was wearing jeans and a short sleeved shirt. Lily looked curiously to Remus when he stopped walking, a funny little half smile on his face. Sirius walked over to them smiling and raised his hand to shake Remus’ own, his forearms clearly visible, without a single tattoo. Lily’s heart began to hammer slightly as the reality of the situation dawned on her.

This wasn't Sirius.

This must be the other brother, the one that Remus hadn’t said much about at all. He could have warned her how disarmingly handsome he was. Remus shook hands with him enthusiastically, looking more amused than disappointed at Lily’s mistake. “Nice to see you again.”

“Yeah, you too,” not Sirius replied, with a sidelong look at her. Lily crossed her arms and squinted, this was not how this was supposed to go.

“Lily, have you met Sirius’ brother James?”

“Not properly, no,” she said slowly he offered his hand out to her and when she took it she had the strangest sensation, almost like pins and needles shooting up her arm. “You knew I was going to bring Remus, didn’t you?” She asked him letting his hand go probably a little too quickly but she felt so completely off balance.

“When you said you had a friend visit the shop the day before and then asked if I had a boyfriend I kind of guessed. It was flattering actually to be mistaken for him, he’s normally the one who gets all the attention.” Lily wanted to say that she found that hard to believe but she was struggling with the ability to form coherent sentences.

“So Sirius, is he?” Remus asked, taking advantage of Lily’s silence and James smirked.

“He told me he wasn’t sure if you were picking up his signals, he felt off his game without his hair to flip around.” He played with his own hair for emphasis, Lily’s heart gave a little flutter. Remus reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s his turn in the window today,” James continued, “it does draw in the customers.” He was watching her again, his hands in his pockets, trying not to be too obvious about it but every time she caught him looking at her it was like she was under a heat lamp. How could she have been so stupid yesterday not to see?

“I’m sorry I thought you were your brother, even though I’ve never met him.” He smiled at her again giving her both barrels of his dazzling white teeth.

“Oh, you will meet him soon enough, he’s just cleaning up. Mum said she’d close today, the customers never argue with her.” He took a step backwards in the direction of his shop still looking at them. “I’m just gonna go see if he’s ready.” James turned sharply before trotting over and disappearing down the small gap between the bakery and the next shop. As soon as he was out of sight Lily’s knees felt weak, and she grabbed onto Remus to hold herself steady. Remus turned to her, his face looking concerned.

“Lily, are you okay?”

“I’ve made a complete idiot of myself, what’s he going to think? This is terrible and he’s so cute. How did I not notice?” Remus looked at her astonished. She took a couple of breaths as Remus steadied her with a hand on her waist.

“And you say I’m an idiot when I see an attractive man. Lily, he adores you, I could see it clearly.”

“No, he was just being polite about the mix up!”

“He was trying to be polite, but he couldn’t keep his eyes away from you.”

“You really think?” She tried to get a grip on herself, she knew in herself she ever saw Remus or Marlene behaving this way she would tell them to do just that and probably be a lot more blunt about it than Remus was being.

“Yes I do, so stop thinking like you’re an idiot and let's go have a really nice time with two really nice boys, okay?” As much as she didn’t particularly relish the idea of going on what would be a double date with Remus, in this moment she was glad he was there. He had talked her back from the edge.

“You’re right, okay.” She closed her eyes and exhaled fully to expel the last vestiges of her anxiousness . “So do you think this is like a double date? He’s not exactly asked, and he knows I wasn’t exactly asking him. So is this a date?”

Remus rolled his eyes at her and threw up his hands. “You need to stop, you need to catch your breath and stop overthinking this.” He rubbed her arm. “He wasn’t mad or offended, he said he was going to get his brother. He was giving you full on smouldering eyes so badly.”

“He’s so lovely, what do I do?”

“Lily, I know it’s been a while, but you’ve had a coffee with another human being before.” 

He looked up then and his cheeks started to flush slightly, she followed his gaze to see James returning with the person who could only be Sirius, and now she understood what James had meant about Sirius always getting the attention. He was the type of person that drew every eye , even without trying. He flicked his long black hair over his shoulder as he walked towards them, already smiling confidently.

 Lily understood perfectly why Remus had found this man so attractive, he was clean shaven with strongly defined cheekbones and a slightly sharp chin. He was perhaps an inch shorter than his brother but you could only tell if they were standing side by side like they were now. Seeing them in person she saw they were not that alike at all. Sirius was wearing skinny jeans and a tucked in dress shirt with its sleeves pushed back above his elbow, the top two buttons were undone leaving it open at the neck revealing some braided cord necklaces. His eyes were pale and they looked at Lily with warmth as he reached out to take her hand, his intricately tattooed forearm clearly visible.

“So it’s you I have to thank for setting this up then?” He tilted his head and looked at her admiringly. “I was annoyed at myself for not being more obvious and asking for your friend's number,” when he said those words his gaze turned to Remus and then never left. “James can tell you I haven’t stopped talking about him ever since that day.” Lily watched her friend react to such an intensely obvious stare, he looked a little taken aback at first, but slowly the edges of Remus’ mouth curled up and his eyes met the others blushing  slightly. 

“Sirius, you say it like it’s been weeks, it was only two days,” James piped up with a smirk, drawing Lily’s attention, she smiled back at him enjoying this shared moment. “But yeah it’s true.” Sirius returned his gaze to her and took her hand once more to quickly place a kiss upon it. 

“Thank you,” he said then gestured to his brother. “And James thanks you too. If nothing else than stopping me from being a -- what did you call me? ‘A mopey arsehole?’” He let her hand go and turned his full attention back to Remus, who was standing very still and looking like he was totally captured by the magnetism of Sirius and his smile. “Shall we let these two get better acquainted?” He asked Remus, offering his arm. 

“Er, yeah okay.” he managed to reply, a bright smile appearing on his face. Remus took his arm and they started walking off together already talking to each other like this was more than only the second time of meeting.

“That went well, I think,” James said as they both watched them walking away, heads close together. “If you don’t want to - I mean it’s totally fine- I understand if you didn’t really.” His sudden insecurity made Lily’s own nerves fade a little. He was just as nervous as she was, she noticed as he raised his hand and rubbed the back of his neck.

“No, I would love to. As long as you do? I really want to go have a drink with you,” she looked down at herself, and tried not to sigh. “I just wish I’d made more of an effort to make myself look presentable.”

“What I’m seeing you look pretty perfect to me,” he replied, which made Lily snort out a loud laugh. 

“James, that was quite a line,” she chuckled, making him blush and look down at his feet. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I liked it.” She took a step towards him and lifted his chin so his eyes would meet hers again. She glanced over to where Remus and Sirius were now standing facing them, Remus had his camera up to his face and Sirius was casually resting an arm on his shoulder. “They look like a couple already, how is that possible?”

“Sometimes things are just meant to be together, like tomato and basil, or hazelnut and chocolate,” he suggested offering his hand to her. When she placed her hand into his, fingers sliding along his roughened palm she knew exactly what he meant. 

Forget me not (Part 2/3)

Pairing: Jake x MC

Words: 2,8 k

Summary: Forgetting is hard, but forgiving is harder.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

A/N: See the ending (spoilers)

Forget me not, part two

It had been two days since you had figured out her plan of going to Duskwood. You had tried to follow up on her, spying on her friend’s phones, but oh boy, she was smart. There was absolutely nothing suspicious on the message and call logs and they wouldn’t give away her location. You had logged on the traffic camera near Jessy’s, but it showed only her getting out of her apartment and going in, and occasionally Richy with her. Cleo’s door could be seen partly on CCTV of bakery shop near her, and you could confirm yourself that she wasn’t there either. One by one, you ruled out everyone she knew in Duskwood, even that disgusting fuckboy Phil, who seemed to have two girlfriends at the time. You couldn’t resist and sent an image of Phil and the blonde girl to the third wheel via anonymous text and entertain yourself looking the rage-filled texts for a while. MC’s phone was still turned off and hadn’t been on since her departure. She wasn’t on motel’s guest lists, but you had your doubts about using aliases, so you checked on the CCTV on motel’s parking lot. Nothing. Like the earth had swallowed her.

You stared numb on your screen. You had turned every stone to find her and now you had to just admit it, you had no idea where she was and why she had left. That was actually none of your business, you had to remind yourself, but how could you keep her safe in the future if you didn’t know her whereabouts?There was only one option and you knew it. Few clicks later and you received a now familiar message:

Thank you for booking your trip to Duskwood from us!

You decided early on that you would avoid meeting her directly with all costs. You just had to see her in your own eyes that she was alright and figure out some data so you could keep track on her later. You packed lightly, just your laptop and some clothes and left your safehouse with a doubt in your mind. You had this terrible feeling that something bad was about to happen and you didn’t have a clue, what it could be.

The train left on time and you looked out of the window in the darkness. It would be middle of the night when you arrived, and you hoped that the night would cover you for unwanted attention that your arrival could rise. You checked on your phone once again and saw that she was still offline. You scrolled your ridiculous short lists of conversations; MC, Lilly and Hannah and all of them were from months ago. You wondered if you should send a text to Lilly and Hannah but terminated it quickly. This mess didn’t need any more participants that it already had.“The Duskwood Express will arrive on platform 2 – “

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

You tossed your backpack on the comfy looking bed and looked around you. This motel room was too familiar from the time you had searched Hannah and it brought some painful memories to you. You remembered all those texts with MC in this room, how it had brightened your mood instantly when you had opened the messaging app and saw MC’s enthusiastic texts about the investigation. She had teased and pushed your buttons many times with those cheeky messages of hers, and you would do anything to get back of those times, where it was almost carefree. She, or anyone else had had no idea, that you had stayed in Duskwood all that time, monitoring closely everything that happened.

You allowed your mind return of that one night, when you met MC first time after Hannah had been found and you had instantly clicked with her, to the point where you completed each other’s sentences at first night so easily, that you thought that you had knew her long time. When she laughed and it had sounded like little birds in the spring, and it reminded you of a small, happy river with easy flow. When she made you laugh with her and it was the easiest thing you had ever done, felt like a different life now and was a fade memory now. You had touched her gently and her skin was so soft that your fingers slide like a good dream on the back of hers. When she kissed you and you forgot everything else in the world and drowned in those lips like a leaf in the open sea. Your sweaty bodies together naked on the bed, exploring all places and surfaces on your bodies. Sound of her moaning and calling your name, over and over again and it was the sweetest thing what your ears had heard. You inside of her.

You couldn’t breathe and opening a window felt the most logical thing to do. Spring breeze welcomed your face and you tried to calm down from the emotional rollercoaster you had spent your last 15 minutes on. You suddenly felt very tired, like you hadn’t slept on months, which were kind of true. Exhaustion overtook you, and you turned off the light, drifting to a world with full of nightmares.When you woke up, it was still dark and you had to think for a while, where the hell you were. Recalls from last night came like a car accident – quickly and violent, and you had to close your eyes again to get rid of the absolute horror what flooded you.

It took few minutes until you calmed down and turned the light on. Still groggy from the sleep, you brushed your teeth and made coffee in the small kitchenette. You had a feeling that you would need a lot of coffee to survive for the day.

You made logical assumptions that she would be with her friends, why else she would had come here? Jessy was her best friend, but she was close to Lilly and Hannah too, so you divided your screen with three tracking programs and one by one, the CCTV near them opened in the screen.

Now you waited them to woke up and start their day.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

The GPS tracker on Lilly’s phone showed her to be heading to downtown. You followed her steps via your monitor and pulled every single camera on that route to see what she was up to. She was alone and clearly in a good mood. Small smile crept up on your lips when you watched her, you were glad that she was doing okay.

She arrived on the local Tesco and after a while, she came out with a bag of groceries. You waited her return to her apartment, but she took a left turn from the road, which was new. Interested, you zoomed in with the camera and saw her going in a building near the town square. You waited for several minutes, but she didn’t come out and then you knew it.

You had found her.

You had your confirmation in hour later when they both came out from the building. They were laughing together, and you could see from afar, that MC was teasing Lilly about something, since she looked joyful and Lilly rather morbid. You recognized her mood quite well. You looked MC like you were enchanted, forget to breath and all you could see was her. She had cut her hair shorter; it was above her shoulders now and all slightly curly, and you actually liked it. She could also shave her whole head, and you would still like it. She was wearing a loose cardigan and jeans and those red shoes, which you had teased her as belonging to Dorothy from Oz. She looked happy and safe.

And that was all that mattered.

You allowed yourself to look at her for a minute and then you turned the screen off. Your work here was done; now you knew where she lived and could see her on street cameras, and you would find her new phone number based on address easily. You packed your things and booked a ticket for evening train, so you could leave Duskwood for good. When all the errands were done and train was leaving in a few hours, you laid on your back on the bed and looked your phone. One thought had invaded your head and you couldn’t get rid of it.

But why had she moved to Duskwood?

You tried to be reasonable, she had friends here. But she had had friends too in the city she previously lived and a decent job, why would she leave those? Her parents were long gone but she had said that her friend had been her family for years now. Her actions didn’t make any sense now, like they often didn’t. Like you had said to her in the early beginning, that she was so mysterious and intriguing, and she was proving your point efficiently here. There must be a reason, why she would leave her previous life behind. You took your phone in your hands and looked it suspiciously. You checked that Lilly was now alone in her home. After a few minutes’ serious consideration, you opened the messages and typed.

Jake: Hello, Lilly.

She answered quickly, like she always did.

Lilly: Oh no, no, no

You weren’t surprised for her answer, since you knew that they probably had talked about you a lot with MC. And she was the one, who didn’t have great things to say about your actions, so you doubted that she anything positive to say about you.

Jake: I need to ask you a favor.

Lilly: No.

Jake: Tell me, why did MC move to Duskwood?

You decided to get straight to the point, since circling the matter wasn’t going to get you anywhere. You saw her typing instantly and then erasing it. You had to wait a quite long time that she composed a whole message, and it wasn’t enjoyable to read.

Lilly: Why on earth do you think you had right to know? Why are you so intrusive about this, since you dumped her? She’s trying to manage that you left her and honestly Jake, I thought you were better.

You read those lines and felt offended, she was being unreasonable. She didn’t even know why you had left MC, but people broke up every day and usually their families were supportive.

Jake: I am sorry to hear that. But she does have friends, and you all have shown me your friendliness towards her many times before. She will overcome this.

Lilly: How do you overcome something that she will never be able to forget?

Jake: She will forget me.

You saw her writing again and composing a message for a long time. You felt frustrated and started to regret approaching Lilly, since this was going nowhere.

Lilly: I can not say anything else to you or tell the reasons why she is here, but you should have listened her when she said she needed to talk. All I am saying that you need to talk to her yourself if you want answers. And trust me, you definitely want to hear them.

Now you were just confused, why Lilly couldn’t tell you what you were asking for? You tried to ask her again, but she just stayed offline and that was probably intentional. You looked the time and noticed your train would leave in half an hour and the next train would leave tomorrow.

You knew that you couldn’t go without an answer and you wouldn’t get them at the safehouse from her. Frustrated, you threw your backpack on the floor and left the motel room.

It was raining so much that you had trouble at seeing in front of you. You arrived her buildings door quicker than you had thought, and half of the trip were forgotten in your mess of thoughts. You had absolutely no plan how to deal with this situation since you didn’t want to be seen but she lived on the second floor. There was light coming from the window, which means she was still awake. You wondered could you climb up to her balcony, when you heard way too familiar noise behind your back.

“If you are thinking about spying me without my consent, think again”, she said coldly. You turned around and saw her standing right in front of you. “Lilly told me that you might pay me a visit”, she continued.

There was nothing coming out of your mouth, not even a simple “hello”. You realized that you had made a terrible mistake and nothing, absolutely nothing, had gone according to your lousy plan. All you could do, was to stare her.

“Yeah, I didn’t think that you would had anything to say either”, she sneered, and you felt a sting in your heart when she talked like that to you. “You’re satisfied when everyone plays by your rules, but tables have turned, my love.”

My love. Not ever those two words had said so bitter tone and never would you thought that you wouldn’t want to hear her say them to you. You stared her plainly and tried to figure a way out of this situation. Talking to her would be a great mistake, and you didn’t know if you two were being watched.

“What makes you think I would like you to play by my rules?” You rudely asked. You hated to talk to her like this, but you couldn’t allow her to get hopes up in vain. This situation was so bizarre and this hostile character of hers felt as stranger to you. The next thing you were going to say, would be just plain evil.

“As I recall, I didn’t want you to be part of my life anymore.”

She looked hurt and tears had filled her eyes. You felt guilt instantly rushing in on you and felt ashamed. Your purpose here wasn’t to hurt her more, but everything you did and said just made things worse.

“I am sorry, MC” you said in a raspy voice. “I will go now, and we will never meet again. I should have not come.” The rain poured harder than ever, and you started to get cold and could see that she was shivering too. Somewhere afar you could hear thunderstorm approaching and you wanted her to get in before she would catch a cold.

“Go home, MC”, you said and felt exhausted again. She looked so fragile when looking at you and all you wanted was to pull her close to you and keep her warm. She only had her cardigan as protecting her from the rain and the wind. You let your eyes wander on her; she was so vivid when you saw her in your own eyes without the screen in between. The new haircut was now wet, and you followed the raindrops on her skin to her neck and cleavage. Her hands were crossed tightly on her front and you remembered those long fingers caressing your back, writing letters while you were guessing what she was trying to type.

Then you saw it; first you thought the lightning had done it tricks to you and you squinted your eyes, trying to see it again. She moved her right hand to tuck hair strand behind her ear and then you just knew that you had fucked up. Fucked up really good this time.

Everything stopped; you couldn’t see the darkness anymore or feel cold, clock didn’t move, and sense of rush flooded in your veins, tingling all your fingers and toes. Adrenalin came like a shockwave and almost knocked you over. You tried to say something, but the words got lost in the way. You opened your mouth, trying to form questions but nothing came out. With quick steps you walked to her and got a tight grip from her cardigan and tried to pull it open.

“What the fuck, Jake” she flinched and tried to take a few steps back while pushing you away, but your hands didn’t ease on her, keeping her on place. “Let go of me!”

In normal situation you would had let go on her instantly when she asked. But now you didn’t care, you had to see it thoroughly in your own eyes. You ripped her cardigans buttons open and there it was. Something heavy sank in your stomach and you felt panic arising inside of you; your sight begun to look a place to escape, and you wanted so badly this to be dream. But no matter how hard you tried to wake up, it was still there, under the ridiculous looking flowery shirt.

A bump.

You looked her bewildered. I swear to you God, if you ever have existed, it is a great time to do some favors. But nothing happened, the rain, the wind and she were still there, just a few inches away from you. You could feel her hot breath in your skin, and it felt like a getting third-degree burn. She saw from your face that you knew and sighted heavily.

“Well, I tried to tell you. I really did.”

And the world went black in your eyes.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! I'm usually very reserved towards the pregnancies in fanfiction, I don't know why. But this idea came to me and I couldn't get rid of it so here we are. I'm trying to keep Jake and MC on character still, let me know what do you think. :)

F#$%ing uh, Calm after the Storm cuz the Storm Thing

Chapter 1:

When you took the job at the Essex Enquirer, you had hoped to work in your speciality, investigative war journalism. Since every taxi you tried refused to take you to Kong Studios, right now, the only war you're dealing with is the fight you're having with your GPS. The winding road, plus the rain, and the fact that your company car was ten years old caused your GPS to think you were driving in circles. Luckily, you could see your destination already. In fact, most of Essex could see Kong Studios, the haunted building on top of a great hill.

As a sort of hazing, all new employees get assigned to local entertainment news. You cringe when you heard about the guy who had to write about the mysterious appearance and subsequent disappearance of the shit statue in the city centre. Thankfully, your assignment was much tamer: you only had to interview a local band. You bought their EP "Tomorrow Comes Today" and have been blasting it on the way over. They sounded amazing, and with each repeat of the record, you became more and more excited to talk to them.

But with each kilometre you drive closer to Kong, you become more and more nervous about the surroundings. The heavy rain that was coming in was not helping anything either. There were thunderstorm warnings for that weekend, but it wasn't supposed to be for another day, so you hope the rain will let up soon for some outdoor shots of the band. You stop your car in front of the gothic gates that spelt "Kong" out in the metal bars. You push on them and they do not budge. You see a little intercom box and press the button, a loud buzz signalling that the thing still worked.

"Huh? Who's there?" A gruff voice answered your call.

"Hi. Mr Niccals? I'm here for the interview."

He grumbled. "Right, yeah. Forgot about that." Another buzz punctuated his sentence and signalled the opening of the doors.

You were soaked to the bones as you finished the drive up to Kong. You couldn't tell if your shivers were because of the fact that you were cold or because of the fact that you were driving through a cemetery.

You park your car and rush under the cover of the doorway with your camera and notepad. You knock on the double doors, and although you let your host know you were there earlier, it was a couple minutes before he even opened the door, shirtless, which you filed away to be included in your article.

His eyes looked you up and down "So you're the reporter, eh? I figured they'd over some crazy bat for local news, but I guess I'm special, right?" He smirked at you, his eyes hungry.

"I suppose so. May I?" You gesture to the doorway that he was blocking.

He stepped out of the way, closing the door after you. "I could give you a tour and find the rest of the band?"

"Was I unexpected? I'm so sorry." You flush. Your first assignment and your boss forgot to tell your subjects. How professional.

"It's alright, pet. We get so many journalists that we are always prepared." He slung his arm around your shoulders, leading you around the ground floor.

"So, Mr Niccals, how did you come to own Kong?"

He frowned. "Call me Murdoc, babes. Mr Niccals is my father."

"Right, sorry, Murdoc?"

He hummed, "Just like that." He cleared his throat. "I found it online about two years ago. It was supposed to be a short-term thing, but the owners, they just threw me the keys and left. So I figured I was the owner then. The bowling alley is right in here, by the way." You hurriedly scribbled what he said down.

Your interview continued like that, you asking questions ( "Have you been in any other bands?") and Murdoc answering them ( "Loads. None quite matched my skill though.") while you walked from room to room ( "Here's the recording studio. Found that pelt myself, I really think it brings the room together.") and took notes (Murdoc does not wear deodorant and should).

"Here's the best room of the house. Our very own carpark."

"An eighteenth-century mansion has a carpark?" you asked in disbelief.

He led you inside the space. "I think the biker gang put it in. Crazy bastards. At least now I have a spot for my Winnebago! Want to see it?"

"I'm fine, Murdoc. I don't need to see your private quarters for the article."

"Who said anything about it being for the article? I have real Egyptian silk, mmmm." He started to lead you to his Winnebago.

You stopped walking with him, causing him to stop as well. "Interview first, yeah?" You didn't know any other way of turning him down without running the risk of him cancelling the interview altogether. You start to head over to a doorway that you thought led back upstairs.

"Those go to dents-for-eyes' room. This way takes us upstairs, pet." You climbed the stairs with him. "Up here's really only the kitchen, lounge, and Noodle and Russel's rooms."

He was right, the stairs led directly into the kitchen. All of the rest of the band was gathered there, huddled around a stack of pizza boxes. "Oi! Where did the pizza come from?"

"We ordered it when you were playing dress-up." One of the band members said, and judging by his accent, he was from America.

Murdoc stomped. "I was not playing dress-up! I was trying on costumes for the show!"

You got out your notebook and wrote that down. You could feel the attention of the band on you now. "Oh sorry, I'm here to interview you!"

"Oh, cool. I'm Russel," The American said, "that's Noodle," he pointed at a child who was claiming an entire pizza pie for herself, "and the blue one's 2D."

"Konichiwa!"

"Nice to meet yew!"

You smiled back and greeted them both. The blue one, 2D, was certainly blue, or at least his spikey hair was. His eyes, on the other hand, were pitch black, none of the whites of his eyes was visible. It gave him a unique look and you wonder if it was done intentionally.

Noodle picked up a slice and was about to eat it when you said "I hate to interrupt dinner, but if you could pose for some pictures before you eat, I would really appreciate it. None of that pizza sauce on your faces."

Noodle grumbled but complied, putting the pizza down.

"Where'd yew want the photos?" 2D asked.

You look at Murdoc. "Would it be alright if we take them in the studio?" He shrugged his shoulders and led the way downstairs.

The band posed like they were in the middle of performing. The only issue was that 2D was so tall, that, from your angle, he covered Russel. You spent a little bit of time repositioning them until it was perfect. Just as you were about to take the photo, the lights in the studio went out. The lights everywhere went out.

"A bleeding outage? Right now?" Murdoc fumed.

"I'm sure it will turn on again soon, in the meantime, I guess you can get back to dinner." From somewhere in the darkness, Noodle cheered. "But someone is going to have to help me out of here, I can't see anything."

"You and 2D" Russel chuckled.

Only Murdoc had a phone on him, so he used it to light the way. It especially came in handy when everyone grabbed their food and sat at the table. Murdoc sat at the head, of course, with Noodle and Russel on one side, and you and 2D on the other. Everyone started to eat and you watched them all, mentally taking notes on their habits. You were not surprised that Murdoc chewed with his mouth open. What did surprise you was that the other men actually used their napkins properly.

"'ave yew 'ad dinner? Would yew like some?" 2D offered some of his pizza to you, but you declined. You were bound to get home soon anyway and it would just be unprofessional to eat your guest's food.

"She doesn't need your pizza, Face Ache, she will be getting plenty of my sausage tonight." Murdoc snickered, but no one else at the table joined him.

You awkwardly cleared your throat. "Would you guys be okay with answering some questions while you eat?" They all hummed in agreement while they ate. "So how did you all meet?"

The table became a little tense and all of the members looked at Murdoc. He set his pizza down. "I met 2D first, hit him with a car. Then he joined my band."

"Tell the 'ole story." 2D grumpily persisted.

"Fine. My buddies and I were looking for some keyboards. We crashed into where 2D worked and I hit his eye, proper breaking the thing and sent him into a coma. I had to oversee the poor little mutt as my punishment. I took him to a Tesco and was pulling some wicked tricks that the girls loved. Apparently one of my doughnuts was too fast because 2D went flying through the windshield and hit his face on the curb, breaking the other eye. When he stood up, he was so powerful, I knew I had to have him in my band."

"I 'ad no choice in the matter."

"As if you would say no."

As they start arguing over 2D's involvement, you were still processing the story you heard. Murdoc doesn't seem to be the best person. Murdoc doesn't seem to even be a good person. He seems actively dangerous, and you don't want to be around him longer than you need to. You make note of the whole story and add in a personal note to look up his criminal record.

"So, Russel, how did you join Gorillaz?"

"Murdoc kidnapped me."

That's really not helping his case. "Please tell me that Murdoc had nothing to do with Noodle's joining?"

"Nah, she just randomly showed up one day in a FedEx crate. Played the best guitar I've ever heard and only said her name. Everything else is just Japanese." Russel looked over to Noodle, who nodded, understanding exactly what you guys were talking about.

This was certainly some band. You ask a couple more questions, as required by your boss. "Which song on the EP is your favourite?" "Tomorrow Comes Today." "When can we expect a full album?" "Soon." "Are you surprised by the attention you're receiving?" Murdoc, of course, thought he deserved more, but the other members were much more humble.

After you finish that up, you tell them to pretend like you're not there to get a grasp of their dynamics. They eventually went back into their normal rhythm of banter, but that doesn't stop 2D from trying to include you in their conversation.

They finish their food and 2D gets his portable DVD player and puts on some zombie movie. You're surprised that they let Noodle watch it considering how young she is, but she seems the most enthusiastic. You don't join them on the couch, opting for the floor where the light from the player illuminated their faces. Since you didn't get a picture, you may need to have a drawing instead. You're nearly done when Murdoc announces a piss break and gets up, Noodle and Russel, grabbing snacks.

2D stayed behind on the couch. "Yew know, yew make funny faces when yew draw."

"You were watching me? Oh god, that's embarrassing."

"Seen dis movie loads before, so I got bored and 'ave been watchin you the 'ole time. Sorry, I forget about the 'ole no pupils fing. Freaks people out. Nofing up 'ere to remember that wif though." He gestures to his head.

"No, no, no you're good! I was just too busy drawing to pay attention." you laugh and try to play it off. In reality, it did startle you a bit initially to learn he was staring at you, but honestly, you don't mind and just got to get better at guessing where his focus is.

He smiles wide, showing off his missing teeth, and it lits up the room as if the generators were back on. "Soda?" You nod.

2D and the rest of the band return to the couch, having to wait for Murdoc who apparently has a bladder the size of a horse. He hands you your soda, peeps a glance at your drawing, and gives you a thumbs-up of approval.

You drink the soda and start penning what you think your article may look like. However, the sugar high fades quickly and you're exhausted.

Sharp pain in your side wakes you up and you yelp. You hear the band laugh at what's happened, everyone, except for Murdoc who is groaning on the floor beside you. "Bloody 'ell! What the fuck are you doing on the floor?"

You gulp. "Sleeping?"

"You can do that in my Winnebago with me instead of on the ground, love," Murdoc suggests, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I'll settle for the couch over the ground, if you don't mind me staying over that is. So, where are your duvets?" The band members look around and collectively shrug. "No blankets... I'll just suffer the cold."

"My offer still stands." It did sound slightly better now, but the prospect of him also being there upset you.

"I can survive the cold for one night." Famous last words.

It was freezing in Kong Studios. Your teeth were chattering and you couldn't feel your toes. It's been like this since you woke up after only sleeping an hour.

How are you supposed to warm up? You tried exercising, which was good until you sweated a little and that cooled to ice. Now you're even colder than before. Perfect.

You start to walk around, trying to warm up and think. You couldn't start a fire, not only do you not know how to start a fire, but you also do not want to burn the studio down. And they didn't have blankets... but maybe they have big coats?

You retrace your steps from the tour of the place, heading to where you hope was their rooms. You really only remember trying to get Murdoc to stop leading you back to his Winnebago. You inadvertently walked to the carpark since it was really the only place you could remember to navigate in the dark. Kong Studios certainly didn't feel homey before the lights went out and now the hairs on the back of your neck are standing on edge.

It was pitch black in the hallway, so you ran your hand along one of the walls, yelping every time it touched the edge of a picture frame. You feel the wall take a right and you follow it down, seeing a sliver of light emitting from under a door. Light? Such an unfamiliar sight now. You pray that it was not the bathroom with Murdoc and scented candles inside as you gently knock on the door. You would even prefer Noodle, who would be the worst suited to help you, than Murdoc. The light is certainly coming from a scented candle. A heady scent of vanilla has slipped under the door and is extending into the hallway. Your knock received no answer so you tried again, this time louder.

Louder.

Louder.

At this point, any louder and you would have woken up the other members. So, you open the door a creak to peek inside.

What a sight to behold. The light from the candle made 2D's hair shine a bright azure and cast huge shadows on his far wall as he danced to his cassette tape. His dancing was awful but endearing; he looked like a baby dear that was still getting used to using its limbs. Abruptly, he stopped and you thought he finally noticed you, but then he rushed over to the papers by the candle and wrote something down, which you could only assume was a lyric.

Without any warning, he looked up and made eye contact with you. You stared at his black eyes, waiting for him to say something. He hummed and crossed out a part of the writing.

You had watched him for long enough, so you knocked again, which gained his attention. "Noodle? Is that yew?"

You opened the door further, "No, uh sorry to bother you so late..."

He began to tidy up the papers he was working on, tucking them behind him. "Hiya! What can I do for yew? Got more questions?"

You're so glad that he didn't mind your intrusion. His light smile put you at ease. "Yeah, I suppose I have one. You don't have anything to keep warm with? Like a jacket maybe?" You were surprised that he wasn't bothered by the cold, only wearing a T-shirt over a thin long-sleeved shirt.

"Oh. Yew cold? I might 'ave somefin! May swallow you 'ole though." His voice cracked as he spoke as he started digging through the piles of clothes on the floor, looking for something. He pulled out a blue jacket, not unlike the colour of his hair, and held it out. "This is one of me favourites! I fink it looks punk, don't yew?" You nod. It did indeed look wicked. "Go on, put it on! I would like it back when yew're done, if that's alright." He looked so nervous asking for his own property to be returned.

You smiled warmly at him. "Of course 2D, you have my word." You slip it on, and he was right, it was way too big on you! Most noticeably in the arm length, where the edges of the sleeves hung off your arms. It was heavy and warm and smelled like cigarettes and something else, something you could only imagine as 2D. It felt like a safe hug. Maybe 2D should be nervous about you keeping it. "I see why it's your favourite."

He scratched the back of his head. "Yeah. I 'ope to wear it in a music video! If Murdoc lets me, that is." At this point, he sits back down again. "Wanna stay? I've gots more zombie mofies! Like Dawn of the Dead... or Evil Dead... or Zombie Flesh Ea'ers!"

"Sure, but I'm winded." You yawn and snuggle deeper into the jacket.

"Don worry! I'll pause it if yew fall asleep." He grins and pats the ground next to him, where you join him. "Which ones 'ave you seen before?"

"None of them. Which is your favourite?"

"NONE OF 'EM? Well then, we gotta watch Dawn of the Dead, it's the first Zombi mofie!" He loads the film and puts the tiny player in front of both of you, turning off the candle to make the lighting better. "I'm so excited for yew to watch dis! It's been a couple monfs since I saw it meself."

He lets the movie play, occasionally pausing to explain why a certain scene was so impressive in horror movie history. You barely watch the film, rather you pay attention to 2D, mentally tracing the look of excitement on his face and committing his hand gestures to memory. You never know what may be important for your article.

cursed and/or liminal local shops: rated

I’m half asleep and got thinking about the fact there’s not a single normal chain of stores around where I live and each of them seem wholly cursed in specific ways so here’s the lowdown

tesco

type: supermarket

thoughts: always seems like it’s in another dimension no matter the time of day, however the later I’m there the more cursed it is. our local tesco frequently has its roof collapse in heavy rain but nobody does anything about it (pictured). lights are too bright and I have never been in the frozen foods section without dissociating. ominous cloud of body odour always lingers around the front part of the store. very dark parking lot.

rating: 7/10. definitely cursed, but not quite a hell mouth.

sainsbury’s

type: supermarket

thoughts: barely any images of this place exist online and the ones that do are blurry and have strange vibes. this is fitting as it matches the tv-static vibe of the place itself. appears mostly like an ordinary shop on the inside but is infinitely big and it seems impossible to walk fast in it. strong sense that if one lingers too long one will never return, but occasionally it has incredible stationary sales so it’s worth the risk.

rating: 5/10. slightly cursed, but mostly benevolently so.

iceland

type: frozen foods store

thoughts: really not sure where they get off naming themselves after a whole country, but ok. pretty decent value but most everything is frozen and therefore there’s some pretty cursed concoctions in there, like “fancy” ranges and an admittedly delicious duck pizza. seems normal on the surface however entering is enough to make me want to immediately throw myself off a bridge. only ever one cashier at any one time. threatening aura.

rating: 7/10. absolutely cursed, but incapable of keeping me inside for too long.

poundland

type: discount store

thoughts: first of all it’s called “poundland”, so like. also everything is £1, which is theoretically good, but they did actually retail a vibrator for £1 once which is less good. this shop is always in a state of chaos and there are definitely demons in it. it has a food range that I dare not sample as I fear that, like the fae realm, if I should dine upon anything from in here I would be trapped. I suspect that’s how they recruit their cashiers. I experience fear when I enter this shop.

rating: 8/10. extremely cursed. threatening. malevolent. it Desires.

poundstretcher

type: discount store

thoughts: another store that thinks it’s acceptable to just put “pound” in everything willy fucking nilly. located on an extremely cursed stretch of road where it feels like everyone desires you to be dead. inside is too silent and too bright. I feel that if I screamed I would not be heard. has an upstairs, which is accessed via a narrow back staircase with a usually flickering light. muffled music plays constantly. one cashier at a tiny, tiny checkout in a random corner. exiting the store often involves outrunning a wretched presence at your back.

rating: 8.5/10. cursed with a liminal staircase. are the bargains worth it? what is the true price that you pay?

mcdonald’s

type: fast food

thoughts: an evil location. the vibes are apparent even approaching the door. often filled with drunk people no matter the time of day. any staff over the age of 35 is a demon. most of the restaurant’s seating is located in the basement. occasionally does not serve fries and acts like it’s normal for mcdonald’s to have no fries. fights are not uncommon; chaos breaks out while people continue to order food like nothing is wrong. the central viewpoint of many mysterious disappearances and fires. fight or flight immediately sets in the moment I lay eyes on it. sometimes has the mcrib when nowhere else does.

rating: 10/10. on this list it’s most likely you’d be murdered here. despite my efforts I cannot adequately describe this restaurant’s aura. abandon hope all ye who enter.

Island Dreams - Chapter 27

Welcome to chapter 27.

So, we are still in Glasgow. Our two lovebird are having a tourist day and Rowan is showing Aelin some of his favourite sites of Glasgow.

Later on there is a moment that has a warning: your ovaries might explode because Rowan is just... let's just say that he will be such an amazing dad.

His accent has a bit of a transformation and he goes into Glasgow mode and in my head Rowan with a Glaswegian accent is so sexy that I want to cry.

In this chapter they cover quite a lot of ground and all the places I mentioned they do exist. These are the cloisters: https://i.redd.it/mxant25n4zh01.jpg. Glasgow uni is a truly amazing site but I particularly adore the cloister and the image does not do any justice at all to the place. This is Kelvingrove: https://peoplemakeglasgow.com/images/Things_to_do/Museums_and_galleries/Kelvingrove-995.jpg. another place that has a special place in my heart. Because it's free, every time I am in Glasgow I go in.

The Hunterian Museum is one of those hidden gems that when I was still working in tourism I used to recommend to everyone visiting Glasgow. It's incredible and the medical section is my favourite.

The Korean restaurant they visit is called Bibimbap and it's a place I adore a lot. Glasgow has a Lego store and like Aelin I always want to spend my entire salary in it.

I adore Glasgow. Deeply and as Rowan said, it's a very underrated place. I worked in tourism for almost 9 years and 95% of the people wanted to go to Edinburgh and bypassed and ignored Glasgow altogether. It's a shame. Its people are amazing and the city has so, so much to offer. I am waiting for lockdown to be over so I can go back.

Ok, I finished playing tourist office for Glasgow.

I leave you to the chapter <3

(If there are typos, as usual I am sorry, but after a long day at work my brain does not cooperate anymore)

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The following morning it was Aelin to be the first one up. Her stomach was grumbling loudly and she was starving. Slowly she disentangled herself from Rowan and went to the bathroom to get ready. She grabbed her phone and the forecast said another day of high temperatures so she dressed lightly. She was finishing getting ready when Rowan finally woke up. “I woke up before you for once.” She gloated. Rowan rolled on his back and stretched out his limbs “did you three sleep well?” She walked to the edge of the bed and sat beside him. He took her hand and kissed it, then sat up and kissed the bump and then Aelin “morning, my darlings.” “I slept beautifully. I was so tired that it did not take me long to pass out.” “And how do you feel this morning?” “I need to eat and then I am ready to explore.” She admitted while finishing packing her bag for the day. Rowan laughed “let me get dressed.”

Aelin sat on the bed and stared at him while he was getting changed “nice ass, Whitethorn.” In response he wiggled it and Aelin burst out in laughter “now get a move on. I am hungry.” “Fine.” He was ready in five minutes and together they walked downstairs for breakfast which turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. Aelin had not been impressed by it and claimed that the option of continental breakfast was not exceptional so Rowan promised to take her to a nice place for a proper nice breakfast. Once they got back to their room Rowan prepared his backpack, which was now much lighter since all the snacks had disappeared. “Give me your hoodie.” “It’s a lovely day.” She protested. “Yes, Fireheart, but you have lived in Scotland long enough to know that it might not stay like that.” She gave him the hoodie and he packed it away, leaving Aelin with just her small bag. He grabbed their two water bottles “remind me to ask the hotel if they can fill these up for us.” Ten minutes later they were outside the hotel and Aelin was giddy “come on, old man. I want to explore.” Rowan took her for breakfast as promised and she was very satisfied with the place and declared that for the next few days that’s where they were going. Later on they arrived at Kelvingrove and entered the museum and noticed the sign saying that the following day they were going to close for a wedding reception. Aelin smiled at him and pointed at the sign “it’s the first time I go to a wedding reception inside a museum and a wedding inside a university. It’s so cool. I feel so special.” Inside the main hall they noticed the staff was busy at work setting up the tables and chairs for the following day. Aelin was stunned. The place was a dream with incredible architecture and at the end of the main hall there was an organ and Rowan explained to her that from time to time it was used and they had concerts. Rowan dragged her around the museum and they had great fun in the technology section were they fought off kids for a chance to play with the installations “they should stop hogging the displays, it’s not just for them.” Whispered Aelin. “Such a lovely maternal instinct.” “I want to play too.” She protested. Wondering around, Aelin had no idea where to look. There were plastic heads hanging from the ceiling in one of the halls, whereas in another one there was what she thought was a Spitfire. She had listened enough of Aedion’s talks about planes to have a general and very basic knowledge of some famous models. She took a photo and sent it to him. His reply came quickly and she laughed. “What?” “Aedion is jealous that I have a Spitfire hanging from my head.” “You need to tell him about two airshows we have every year in Scotland. The Red Arrows and the Typhoons are always there. I bet he’d love to be there.” “I’ll tell him straight away. He did three years in the Red Arrows. He probably performed in them.” “No way.” “Oh yeah, he is that awesome as a pilot.” It took them a few hours before they left the museum. Aelin loved it so much that Rowan had to literally drag her out with the excuse that there was so much more they had to see. They continued their walk inside Kelvingrove park and sat down for a while allowing Aelin to rest. “It’s amazing that there is such an incredible park near a university. I love it.” He pulled her close “On a sunny day I used to come and study in the park instead of the library. This area is my favourite part of Glasgow and it has some fantastic places where to eat.” “Are you okay for another walk or shall we sit a bit longer?”Aelin turned and leaned her back against him. Rowan, moved as well and placed his legs at each side of her and pulled Aelin against his chest. “Let’s relax a bit longer. It’s so nice around here.” “I was in student accommodation the first year,” he started telling her, “but then my friends and I found a flat just around the corner on Argyll st. I used to come for morning runs here, the park is very extensive.” “This is the only corner I have seen so far but it seems like a beautiful city.” She felt Rowan nod “It’s quite snubbed and very underrated. People tend to flock to Edinburgh and ignore Glasgow. Yes, it’s much more industrial, but that’s its heart and its identity. Glasgow was an industrial city famous for shipbuilding and, if you feel like it, we can walk a bit along the Clyde and you will see what I mean.” He kissed her ear “Its people are incredible and very friendly. It also has one of the best musical scenes in Scotland. I used to go to so many concerts.” “Did you regret going away?” “I…” he paused “I adore Glasgow. It has a special place in my heart, but I missed the islands. I could not see myself living in a big city no matter the advantages.” “You accent has changed a bit.” Rowan laughed hard “I ken. After four years of uni here I had lost my islands accent and I did sound like a proper weegie.” “A what?” “A weegie is someone fae Glasgow.” And in that moment she heard the heavy shift in his accent. Aelin finally sat back up “come on weegie, let’s go and see this uni of yours.” Rowan stood and pulled her to him for a kiss “it means a lot to share all of this with you.” She smiled “I am just trying to imagine a younger you in this environment.” He took her hand and slowly they started walking towards the university. “One step at a time, the road goes uphill.” Aelin had to stop a lot “drat, this is painful.” She said breathless. “Take your time.” Eventually they made it to the university main building and Aelin sat down on one of the benches in the main courtyard “Let me take a breath and then I will be ready to admire this beautiful place.” He kissed her head “all the time you need.” He stood in front of her “I have a few ideas for the rest of the day. It’s still quite early so we can do the uni. Then how do you feel about the Science centre? We can go there by public transport.” “In London I was obsessed with he national science museum. So, yeah, I am all for it.” “Then we can have a short walk along the Clyde just to show you and then take the bus back into town.” He brushed her hair “We can have lunch. Are you still craving Korean?” Aelin nodded vigorously. “Good, a restaurant might not cause any issues because I assume they know how to cook it. There is an incredible one in the centre.” “Done. What else?” “There are a few options and it all depends on how you feel.” “Unless I have to climb another mountain I am fine.” “So no Necropolis, then. We can stroll around Buchanan st. you can also do some shopping if you’d like. We can visit the merchant quarter which is quite charming and very central as well and if we are lucky we can catch a tour of Glasgow City chambers which is basically the HQ of Glasgow city council but it’s a spectacular building.” He offered “or we can go to Waterstones.” “Whitethorn, you are setting foot in a chain?” Aelin had quickly learned that Rowan was a great supporter of independent shops. Tesco was the only chain they used and just because it was handy for grocery shopping. He was a strong supporter of the community and hated mass produced stuff. “I know, but I love it. I must admit it’s a guilty pleasure. But it’s still books. Uh, I forgot, there is also a Lego store in one of the shopping centres.” “Ok, let’s visit the uni, then go to the science museum and take a walk along the river. Once we are in the centre we’ll have lunch and we go from there. But I definitely love the bookshop idea and the lego store.” “Good.” She gave him her hand and he took it and helped her get up “are you sure?” “Yes, I am rested enough.” They started walking along the uni quadrangles and Aelin had a feeling of being back in time. The building was magnificent and Rowan was playing cicerone and telling her all about every single building they were meeting. Then he stopped and placed his hands on her eyes. “What are you doing?” “Surprise.” He pushed and she started walking under his guidance. Once he was in the spot he wanted, he removed the hands and Aelin gasped. “Welcome to the cloisters.” The cloisters were nothing but low arches, but surrounded by the rest on the ancient building, they appeared like a wonderful and magical place. “This is gorgeous.” She walked around in a daze admiring he site “this is such a magnificent place where to get married.” Aelin took a few pictures and Rowan took a few of her while she was wandering around. She had the most amazing expression of delight in her face. She moved to him and folded her arms around him as much as the bump allowed it “dance with me.” He kissed her and his arms reached around her back and started swaying a little and humming a song in her ear. Luckily they were alone and they were not giving anyone a show. “It feels like the perfect place from a fantasy novel. I don’t know why.” “I always thought it like the main path to the house of an old wizard secretly living in the uni grounds. The kind of place where you would see people in dark cloaks strutting about or a couple of knights.” “I love that your mind wanders in the same places as mine and that we are weird together.” “I love my weirdo.” He said while making her twirl. Then he stopped and bowed to her “my Queen.” Aelin giggled “I really need to find you a sword. One of those fake ones people use for cosplays and such.” He grinned and took her hand “come, there is a place that I am positive you will adore.” She followed him and took a final look at the cloisters and tried to imagine it with a wedding happening under them. “Ok, there are steps unfortunately, but it will be worth it.” “Is it a collection of your pictures when you were a student. Naked ones perhaps?” Rowan laughed “no.” “That’s disappointing.” “It’s my favourite museum of all times. It’s called the Hunterian and there are two rooms that as a doctor I am positive you will adore.” At the top of the stairs Aelin stopped, breathless “I know it’s an historical building, but a friggin lift would be lovely.” He passed the water bottle to her “drink a little.” Once she was done they entered the museum and Aelin gasped. Rowan took her hand “Let’s go to the cool parts first then we’ll do the rest of the museum.” She followed him in silence. They reached a section and Aelin noticed it was all medical based. “This area is basically the history of medicine.” “No way.” Aelin started to walk around, amazed at what she was seeing “I did an elective on the history of medicine and it was fascinating.” “Ro, this is incredible.” Aelin left his hand and started wandering around in a daze “This is how it all started. How doctors started to discover how to cure diseases, although methods in the past might have been at times a bit unorthodox. This is it.” She kept walking along the cases admiring displays of ancient medical tools. This time it was Aelin’s time to be the guide and she was giving him a run through of what they were seeing. Rowan stared at her in fascination. Her face lit up in a joyful expression while she was admiring the collection. Once they finished the room, Rowan took her to the next surprise. “If you loved the other room, I have a feeling you will adore this one. Mr Hunter had an incredible collection of anatomical and pathological specimen and they were donated to the museum. The others are in the anatomy museum down the road.” “Can we go there, please?” “Of course. I have never been there so it will be a novelty for me too.” Aelin left him at the entrance and stepped into the room. Large glass cases stood all around and in the middle and inside she could see jars with formaldehyde and what she was positive were body parts. “Hunter was a pioneer anatomist and obstetrician. That’s why there are so many foetuses. He studied them and all the pathologies connected.” “Like all interns I had to take anatomy classes and we had to dissect cadavers. I was the only one who actually enjoyed those classes and never puked. I found it always so fascinating and for a while I had even contemplated becoming and pathologist and do post mortem and all that stuff.” “What made you change your mind?” “The rush that I would get in the A&E. I specialised in cardio thoracic and applied it to an emergency setting and I fell in love with it..” She kept walking “This collection is something incredible. Aelin stopped and stared at an heart without any blood in it. Rowan put his arms around her and his chin on her head. “A heart without blood looks so weird.” He commented. Aelin chuckled “I will never forget the day I held a beating human heart in my hands for the very first time.” “Tell me.” “I was assisting my mentor and he left me perform the surgery under his supervision. We knew there was damage but there was so much blood that it was impossible to see anything. So very gently I took the heart in my hand to try and find the damage. It was warm and beating, albeit slowly, against my palm. I literally had someone’s life in my hands.” “You are such a badass.” He joked. Aelin was explaining something to Rowan when a group of teenagers came beside them and the girls started to complain that the displays were disgusting. “What is this.” Asked one of the teens pointing at the jar with an empty heart that Aelin had just finished to admire.” “Looks like a lump of flesh.” Said one of them. “It’s a heart.” Aelin corrected him “That’s how a heart looks when there is no blood circulating.” She explained. “That is not a heart.” Aelin was on the verge of loosing her patience and Rowan placed a hand on her lower back “I am a doctor. I know how a heart looks like.” “It’s disgusting.” Aelin sighed and luckily the group moved away. “What?” She asked when she noticed Rowan’s stare “they ruined my enjoyment of this museum with their stupid comments.” “They were teenagers.” “So what? They were fucking stupid.” Rowan sighed and pulled her to him trying to calm her down “Come, let’s go and see the piece of a meteorite that landed near Glasgow.” They went to see the meteorite and then finished the rest of the museum but did not spend as much time on the displays as they did for the medical part. Aelin was fretting to go to the Anatomy museum so they headed out and Rowan took her there. If she had been impressed by the collection inside the Hunterian, Aelin had been definitely in love with the anatomy museum and Rowan allowed her to take all the time she wanted. Aelin also ended up chatting away with one of the staff members at the museum and Rowan had enjoyed seeing her so animated. “Did you had a nice chat?” He asked when she finally came back to him. “The guy is a retired doctor and we had the most fascinating conversation, sorry.” He kissed her gently “don’t apologise. It was actually quite amazing to see you in your element and there are conversation I can’t have with you because I don’t have the knowledge so it’s nice to see you so involved.” “I like our conversations,” she leaned forward and kissed him back “very much.” Once outside the university they went to take the underground again and they headed for the science centre. Once they arrived Aelin squealed “what is that?” She asked pointing at the metallic dome near the entrance. “That’s a cinema. They also have a planetarium.” “Shall we go?” “If they have a show while we are here, we can definitely do that.” “Come on.” Aelin took his hand and dragged him inside and she bought the tickets for both. They ended up spending a few hours inside the centre, playing with all the installations and once it was time they also did manage to catch a show inside the planetarium. “This was so fun. Who said that these places are just for kids?” Rowan threw an arm around her “can you walk a bit? I was thinking of taking you along the Clyde up to the squinty bridge and then catch a bus into town.” “Squinty?” “Yes, as in not straight. You will see why.” The day was hot and nice and Aelin lifted her head up to catch the sunshine and she felt amazing. They stopped in front of a massive crane. “This is the Finnieston crane.” Rowan added pointing at the massive construction “It’s the last vestige of Glasgow’s shipbuilding past. It’s quite iconic.” Aelin lifted her head. “It’s massive.” “It was used to load cargo on the ships. It had to be.” “I love it.” Then she looked around and noticed the bridge “Is that the squinty bridge?” Rowan nodded and they walked there and Aelin took a lot of photos. They walked to the bus stop and on the bus a lovely woman stood and offered her seat to Aelin since the bus was packed and Aelin was incredibly grateful. She wanted to keep exploring but her back was killing her and welcomed the chance to sit down. Rowan stood at her side and his hand brushed her hair “you are tired.” She shook her head “Please, let’s not go back to the hotel, I am having so much fun.” He sighed “are you hungry?” “Starving and really thinking about Korean food now.” He smiled back at her. After ten minutes he helped stand “That’s our stop.” Aelin turned to the woman “thank you so much for the seat.” The two got off the bus. The city centre was completely different from where they had been all morning. She could definitely tell they were in a busy city. “Let’s get you fed.” Rowan crossed the street and she noticed that the restaurant was just opposite them. They entered and asked for a table for two. Aelin looked up and noticed colourful umbrellas hanging from the ceiling. They sat at their table and Aelin went for the menu. She was ready to eat an elephant. She eyed some of the dishes the waiters were holding and she was tempted to steal one. They all looked so delicious. They ordered and then Aelin put a hand on Rowan’s “thank you for today. I loved all we did so far.” “I am glad you are having fun.” He squeezed the hand back “how are our two girls doing?” Aelin patted her bump “Just swimming about. I can feel them move and they kick from time to time which is a good sign.” He winked at her and in that instant the waiter arrived with their food and Aelin almost howled in joy “Finally.” “It looks much better than what I did.” “Yours was really good too.” His face saddened “So good that made you unwell.” “Ro, we don’t know. Stop moping. I loved it.” They went back to eating and Aelin was enjoying the food greatly “I think the only thing that I miss in the islands it’s the choice of ethnic restaurants. That’s my only issue.” Rowan chuckled “I agree. I was so used to the massive variety here in Glasgow that when I got back home it took me a while to get used to it. That’s why I learned to cook.” “And you are amazing at it. Just less veggies.” Rowan laughed “no chance.” “Spoilsport.” They finished eating and hand in hand Rowan led Aelin through the street of the city centre and they ended up in the merchant quarter and Aelin took in the magnificent architecture. “There is a big shopping centre, fancy doing some shopping?” “A bit.” He kissed her cheek “Let’s go.” They walked a short distance and eventually arrived at the Buchanan galleries. “You don’t like shopping centres…” “Shhh.” He said kissing the back of her head while on the escalator “There is the lego shop in here. Plus it makes you happy, so I don’t care.” They reached the first floor and they started walking and Aelin stopped when she noticed a baby shop “Ro, look.” She took his hand and dragged him inside “We don’t have anything for the twins. I know we are waiting for the bigger items until we are in the new house but look…” and she picked up a onesie “isn’t this adorable?” Rowan was too busy playing with a soft toy in the shape of an elf. With a big smile he turned to her “what about this?” Aelin stared at that giant of a man holding a soft toy with a tenderness that almost made her cry. Aelin went to grab a basket “make it two” she went browsing around the shop and her heart melted at watching Rowan picking up clothes for their girls. He came back with two tiny bathrobes that had cute ears and a dragon’s back ridge “I am so in love with you right now.” Aelin moved to him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek while Rowan replied with a big toothy grin. She was positive they could get stuff for the girls at home but that shop had the cutest stuff and Aelin had every intention to splurge a nice whack of money on their daughters. She wandered around and got some essential stuff while Rowan was still looking at tiny dresses. He went to her with a big smile and two lovely dresses in his hands “I know they will outgrow them very quickly, but look at these.” His voice was the one of a father already madly in love with his daughters. He was holding two lovely dresses in green. “Add to the basket.” Was Aelin’s response at the clothes. Rowan took the basket from her hands which was slowly getting fuller and fuller “I’ll carry it.” “We have a green and blue theme going on here.” Added Aelin looking at the range of stuff in their basket. “They are lovely colours.” “I agree. And I am not buying pink just because they are girls. It’s a horrible colour.” Eventually they made it to the till. “You have a nice selection here.” Said the woman behind the counter “And two of each.” “Yeah, twins.” Added Aelin patting her bump. Rowan was about to pay but she stopped him “this is on me.” He reluctantly put his wallet away. Rowan grabbed the two bags and they left the shop, and Aelin was beaming and placed an arm around his waist. Then she spotted the lego store and Rowan knew he had lost her. She was inside the shop and was looking at the different set “Ro, am I crazy if I say that I want to spend my entire salary in here?” Rowan laughed “no you are not, but remember that we have to get back to the hotel and we already have two bags full of stuff.” “Look.” She pointed at a plastic container in the middle where you could create your own lego figurine. “Let’s build ourselves out of lego.” Aelin did manage to find the face, the hair and the dress she liked and she went for the queen style. Once she was finished she started creating a Lysandra and then an Aedion. And while she had already created three figurines, Rowan was still creating his. He had gone for the warrior look and also added a sword to his little character. “I love it.” She said, then placed the four figurines in the plastic container to protect them. She went to pay and he finally managed to drag her out and she sat on one of the benches exhausted. “We should go back to the hotel.” He commented when he noticed how tired she looked. “I agree. I don’t think I can walk any longer and my back is killing me.” “Sit five minutes then we’ll go and take the bus back and I am going to explain the situation to the hotel and ask if they let us order in.” His hand brushed her hair “we can stay in bed, watch tv and enjoy the evening in peace.” Then he looked at her exhausted face “ Or, I have a better idea. The station is right behind us. We’ll take a taxi.” “I love you.” Slowly they made their way to the station and got a taxi and once inside Aelin sighed relieved. She had tried to be brave but she knew she could not fool him. Rowan had been keeping an eye on her all day and she was positive he had noticed her exhaustion. They arrived at the hotel and Rowan grabbed all the bags “go upstairs, I’ll be with you in a minute.” She nodded and left him. Back in the room she removed her trainers with a sigh of relief and then changed into her pyjama and sat down in bed. It was only five in the evening and she felt bad at being back in the hotel already but she was wiped. Rowan arrived ten minutes later, he dropped the bags on the corner of the room and sat beside her “tell me what you fancy and I’ll order dinner later. I explained to the hotel your situation and they are okay. They offered to let us one of the table downstairs but I explained that you were probably already camped in bed, with little chance to move you again.” She kissed him “can we have Japanese?” “You can’t have sushi, you know?” He added, browsing for a place on his phone. “I know, smartass.” She lightly punched his shoulder. The food arrived an hour later and Aelin ate in bed, with Rowan sitting on the armchair beside the bed. “This is the perfect ending to a lovely day. I am sorry we had to cut it short.” She apologised. “Hey…” he said, grabbing her hand “I am impressed that you lasted that long. “I wanted to see more.” He placed his food on the nightstand and sat beside her in bed, pulling Aelin to his side “We’ll come back with the twins and do much more.” “Promise?” He kissed her “Pinky promise.” And he gave her his pinky, remembering the day they did that in his shop. It just felt so long ago. Once done eating, Rowan cleared the containers and changed into his pyjama and joined her in bed. Aelin was looking at the photos of the day on her phone. She flipped through them and found one of Rowan she liked “I guess I found my new home screen picture.” He leaned over and noticed his photo “When did you take it?” “When you were not looking. And I love it.” Aelin leaned against him and she grabbed his hand and moved it on the bump and sighed. “What?” “I was thinking.” “That’s very dangerous.” He chuckled. “Look how much difference a year made. A year ago I was just an annoying customer that you hated and kicked out of the shop. And now we are in this situation.” She said pointing at the bump “and a part of me is still scared. With Chaol we had no kids, yes it was a mess but at least we had no kids to suffer in midst of everything. If—“ He stopped her with a kiss “No ifs. No.” He kissed her again “I am going to be cheesy, so be prepared.” And Aelin laughed at the comment. “You are it for me. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but I know that all I want is to spend it with you and our girls. It’s all I ask for. I want a family and I did not realise just how much until you told me you were pregnant. Fine, it happened earlier than probably both of us had planned, but I don’t care. We are in our late thirties, we both have jobs, we can afford a family.” Aelin caressed his face. “I lost track of what I was saying.” He grabbed her hand a pushed it against his cheek “Oh yes, I am a boring monogamist old man who feels very fulfilled at the idea of having a family with the woman he loves.” Aelin started crying “You can’t…” she sobbed “You can’t say things like that to a pregnant woman.” Rowan laughed and hugged her close “I am a sappy old fart when I am in the right mood.” “So sappy.” She added with a wet laugh while Rowan kissed her head “but I have a feeling you will be a super dad. Loving and caring.” “I can only try.” “We’ll try… together.” “To whatever end.” He added, kissing her.

TAG:

@rowaelinismyotp​

Hold me close, I’ve never been so far from home.

Pairing: Tom and female reader

Warnings: a sprinkling of bad words, anger

Word count: 3.5k 

Quarantining with the boys had been quite fun. You and the boys had watched a lot of movies together, played a lot of games, and have spent a lot of time watching the boys tend to the chickens. There was only one small dilemma, you were stuck in the UK with them.

You were from overseas, and about two months before lockdown you decided to take a vacation to London. There, you met Tom and had instantly fallen in love with each other. He figured that he could at least spend some time with you before he had to fly to America to film. Besides, he knew you wouldn’t be spending much time in the UK, so he let you live in his home temporarily until you decided to fly back home.

Temporarily was the key word here. No one could have anticipated what was soon to come.

When it was announced in March that the UK would be under heavy lockdown, with no flights being allowed to enter your home country, you realised you were absolutely stuck here. With nowhere to go, and with limited money, Tom allowed you to quarantine with him and the guys.

For the first month, things seemed to be pretty good. Everyone was in high hopes and was positive that things would blow over in a few weeks, so things were good. Great, even.

That is, until you started to inevitably get on each other’s nerves. It was the little things that pissed you off about the boys. Like the way Sam doesn’t shut the tap off properly so it always drips, or when Harrison doesn’t bother to put the toilet seat back down. The boys were annoyed with how you never liked to load the dishwasher, or how you played your music around the house just a little too loud.

You were growing more annoyed with the boys every day, and they were equally growing annoyed with you. It would only be a matter of time until somebody snaps.

Today was that fateful day.

It was a nice morning when you woke up, with Tom sleeping right next to you in your shared bed. His arm was outstretched so that it was holding onto your waist, and your face was buried in the crook of his neck. The sun was shining bright as it was peeking through the blinds, and you could hear a bird chirping outside. You moved Tom’s arm so that you could get up, but it caused him to wake up slightly and wrap his arm around you tighter.

“mmm, five more minutes babe, I don’t want to get up.” He said sleepily, and in a hushed tone.

“Angel, I want to get up now. I need some coffee.” You said as you unwrapped yourself from him, and got up.

Tom made grabby hands at you like a child, while trying to persuade you to stay in bed.

“Babyyyy, cuddle with me right now.” He pouted, but you only shook your head.

“Sorry love, I’ll see you downstairs.” You said as you walked out of the bedroom and made your way downstairs for breakfast.

Harrison had made everyone pancakes, something that he did frequently. Pancakes always made your stomach hurt so you never ate them, and today would be no different. You grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and grabbed a box of cereal from the counter.

Harrison, who was sat at the table, sighed as he watched you make something else to eat for yourself.

“You know, why don’t you ever eat any of my pancakes?” He asked, while taking a bite of his pancake.

“I’ve told you before, they make my stomach hurt. And also, I don’t think that they should crunch the way they do. I didn’t know egg shells were your secret ingredient.” You joked, but Harrison didn’t take it that way.

“Well then I’d like to see you make something better then.” He huffed, grabbing his breakfast and leaving to eat in the living room.

“Damn, what a jerk.” You muttered under your breath as you were preparing your coffee.

“You know, we’re getting tired of your shit remarks.” The voice came from the other end of the room, and you looked up to see Harry leaning against the wall. He had his arms crossed and was glaring at you. He paused a minute before continuing to speak. “At least Harrison is actually doing something for once, unlike you. You literally do nothing and complain the most.” He remarked.

You sighed loudly and set down your cup of coffee on the counter. “Geez, I wonder what crawled up all of your asses this morning. I was only joking with Harrison. It’s not my fault he took it the wrong way.” You said while standing by the kitchen island, taking bites of your cereal.

Harry was furious with you, and everything you did was starting to grow on his nerves. How you always left dirty cups in the sink, how you never wanted to help with the chickens, or how you didn’t even want to help clean the house. Since you were living here, he figured that you would make yourself useful, but instead he, along with everyone except Tom, saw you as a hindrance.

“You know, we’ve all had it with you. No one even wants you around anymore. Hell, we wish you could just fly back home so that we wouldn’t have to live with you any longer.” He stated as he left the room after hitting you with that.

You stood there flabbergasted, allowing the words that Harry said to you to hang in the air.

You admit, you haven’t been the best house guest, but you were upset that you were stuck in a foreign country, without any of your family or friends. You were worried about their safety and hoped to god that they were okay, and you weren’t sure how long you would go without seeing them. It could be months, even a year until you would be cleared to go back home, and that was a harsh realization.

Being this depressed, you haven’t wanted to get up and do any chores. It was a chore to even get out of bed every day, and it was becoming a chore to shower regularly. You listened to loud music to drown out the thoughts in your head, hoping and praying that you wouldn’t think about the scary thoughts that crossed your mind all. the. damn. time.

It probably never crossed their minds that you were becoming depressed, and you didn’t want to spill the beans now. The boys still didn’t know a lot about you, and you were intent on keeping a few things a secret from them. Tom didn’t even notice you were upset, and you didn’t want to tell him. He was being kind enough to let you stay here, so you didn’t want to throw it up in his face.

Nobody seemed to notice that you weren’t your usual self, but then again, they didn’t know your usual self. They didn’t know that your nickname was ‘little miss sunshine’ because you were always smiling, but recently, you haven’t been living up to that nickname.

You continued to stand there long after Harry had left, but you couldn’t react, you were far too numb to react. The only thought running through your mind was “well, what if I’m someone I don’t want around.”

You felt nauseous, as though you were about to have a panic attack. You grounded yourself by holding onto the counter as you took a deep breath in, exhaling while counting to eight. Your therapist taught you this technique, and it did work.

You emptied the cereal into the garbage, poured the coffee down the drain, and loaded your cup and bowl into the dishwasher. That’ll show them that you actually can do something, you thought. You quietly unlocked the front door and put your shoes on, and one of Tom’s jackets, and stepped outside quietly so that no one would notice that you were gone. Well actually, nobody would care that you were gone either, you thought to yourself.

When you got really stressed, you found solace in taking a walk. So you headed down the pavement and towards the corner of the block, and crossed the street.

Once you were a few blocks away, you realised you didn’t have your phone on you. You were too upset to think about grabbing it. Not wanting to turn back around, you just kept walking further and further away from the boys’ residence.

You presumed that thirty minutes had passed, and you looked up to realise that you were lost. The streets looked less and less familiar, and you had never seen any of these businesses before. You felt a pang in your chest and realised that you had definitely fucked up. Now you were lost and you had no way of contacting Tom to come get you, or had any idea which way you came from so you could retrace your steps.

It began to pour as you walked around some more, trying to think about which direction you came from. You looked up to see a red phone booth, and hoped to god that it actually worked. You went inside to shelter yourself from the rain, and after shaking the rain off of you, you picked up the phone, and to your surprise you heard the dial tone. You rummaged around in Tom’s pockets and found about three pounds worth of 10p coins, and you were so happy that he carried it around with him.

Okay, now you just have to remember his number, how hard can that be? You thought to yourself as you raked your brain, hoping to have it magically come to you. You knew the first three numbers, and but you couldn’t remember the rest. You searched Tom’s pockets to see if maybe it was on something, and sure enough, when he went to Tesco last month, he used his reward membership, and his number was printed clearly on the receipt. You did a little happy dance as you stuck 60p into the coin slot and dialed the number.

God I hope he answers, you thought as the phone rang and rang.

——

While you were trying to figure out Tom’s number, Tuwaine was the first to notice that you were gone. He saw that the door was unlocked, and he distinctly remembered locking it before he went to bed last night. He knew Tom was home because he saw him walk to the kitchen, and he was just playing with the guys, so he figured it had to have been you who left.

Tom noticed that he didn’t see you on his way to the kitchen, but he presumed you were with the guys. He would find you after breakfast, since you owed him some cuddles, he thought to himself. He didn’t seem to be worried, but he became worried when he saw Tuwaine rushing into the kitchen.

“Hey did your girlfriend go to the shops or something? She’s the only person not here and she left the front door unlocked.” Tuwaine said as Tom began to choke on his breakfast.

“She didn’t tell me she was leaving, and her phone was still on the nightstand just a few minutes ago.” He downed his breakfast tea and got up from his seat.

“Where could she have gone to? I know (y/n) only leaves without saying anything when she’s upset. This means something, or someone, prompted her to leave. What fucker said or did something to make her upset, hmm? Was it Harrison? Sam? Harry? You, even?” He inquired, his jaw was tight and he was visibly turning red.

“Relax mate, it wasn’t me. I just noticed that she was gone, that’s all.” Tuwaine said in a calm tone, in hopes of easing Tom’s fears and hoping to calm him down. “Maybe she just went for a short walk to clear her head, I wouldn’t worry too much.” He said, but Tom stormed past him and towards the living room.

“Alright you little shits, which one of you did or said something to make my girlfriend run off? Hmm?” He exclaimed as he ran into the living room where the boys were playing FIFA.

The boys didn’t say anything, but Harrison and Harry exchanged glances, which only caused Tom to become even more furious.

“I swear to god I will unplug the console and throw it out the goddamn window if you don’t answer me right now!” He screamed, slamming his fist down on the coffee table to try to get the boy’s attention.

“Fuck dude it was Harrison and I, okay? Don’t kill us, alright? She came into the kitchen in a shit mood and made a rude remark about how Harrison can’t cook worth shit, and then I said that I wish she didn’t live with us. I mean, come on! She doesn’t even contribute around here!”

Tom stood there fuming, ready to strangle his little brother.

“Why the fuck would you say something like that? That’s awful. She’s staying here because she can’t go back home due to the fucking plague, Harry, the plague!” He threw his hands up in the air dramatically, as he began to pace the room.

“She doesn’t have her phone on her, I have no idea where she is and you twats told her to leave! Fucking hell, where could she be?” He asked as he was now pacing around the room frantically.

“I don’t know, but I’m enjoying the quiet.” Harry said as he let out a small laugh.

“That’s it, you’re dead.” Tom said with a straight face as he began to approach Harry at the couch. Harry then jumped up and threw his hands up in the air to surrender, but Tom was still furious.

“Okay if you don’t kill me I’ll help you find (y/n) okay? I promise and I’ll apologize so much and I’ll become her personal servant for the whole month and just please don’t kill me.” He squeaked out the last part, backing up so he could get away from Tom and nearly falling backwards onto the coffee table.

Tuwaine and Sam held back Tom as he raised a fist in the air, trying to squirm out of their grasp so he could punch Harry in the face. He deserves it, he thought. You could be anywhere and that scared Tom more than ever. He started to assume the worst, but he shook his head as he just crumbled to the floor, crying. He was sobbing into his hands, as he feared that he may have lost you, forever.

You didn’t tell Tom that you were becoming depressed, but he noticed that you didn’t seem like yourself recently. You didn’t want to have early morning cuddles anymore, and you didn’t smile as much as you used to. He knew how hard it was on you to not be around your family at a difficult time like this. Yesterday he had overheard your conversation with your mom over the phone saying how much you missed them, and it hurt him inside that he can’t really help. So he tried to cheer you up in many different ways. He would often send Harrison to the shops to get your favourite ice cream, and would offer to cuddle with you and watch movies when he had a chance. He was trying to be there for you, but his imbecile brothers ruined it.

The guys looked down on Tom, crouching down to hold him as he was sobbing and letting out small hiccups. Harrison and Harry looked at each other, knowing that they snapped at you for no good reason. Yes, they were annoyed with you, but they definitely overstepped when they wished you weren’t around anymore. Guilt built up in their stomachs as they saw how upset Tom was over you. They may find you a tad aggravating, but they knew that Tom didn’t see you that way.

“We’re sorry, we shouldn’t have said those things to her. We were just annoyed, but we also forgot how hard it must be on her right now.” Harry said as he continued to hold Tom. “We’ll help you look for her, yeah? Let’s hop in the car and drive around, hoping that we’ll see her walking. Besides, since everything’s closed, she can’t be at too many places. We can eliminate the mall, the parks and most of the shops and restaurants. It’ll be easy to find her.” He said, trying to get Tom to calm down a bit.

“Okay, let’s do that.” Tom snuffed as he was helped up by the boys.

As they were throwing on their jackets, Tom’s phone began to rang. It was an unknown number, but the location said ‘London’. He was hoping, praying that it was you, so he answered it.

“Hello, who is it?” He asked, holding his breath as he heard a sob on the other end of the line. “Hello?” Tom said again, as the voice on the other end said “Tom, it’s me. I’m in a red telephone booth. I didn’t even know they had those anymore and I’m lost and I need you to come get me now please.” You rambled into the phone, as Tom let out a sign of relief.

“Okay love, stay on the phone with me, alright? Tell me what you see around you and I’ll come find you. You need to be specific, can you read any of the street signs from where you are?” He asked, but you couldn’t. You weren’t wearing your glasses so you could barely read the small text inside the telephone booth.

“No I can’t read it, it’s too far away. But I’m right in front of a store called “that vintage shop”. You stated, hoping that Tom had heard of it before.

“Hold on, I’m telling Harrison to put it into maps so we can get you, okay?”

Harrison quickly put it into his phone and showed Tom where you were, and you were four miles away from the house.

“Love you really did take a long walk, you’re very far away but I promise I’m coming to get you, alright? So stay on the line with me and whatever you do, do not leave the phone booth. Can you promise me that?” He pleaded into the phone, and you said “I promise. I’m sorry, Tommy.”

“It’s okay darling, I’m just glad you’re alright. Please don’t ever do this again. If something, or someone-” he stopped to glare at the boys “is bothering you, you need to tell me first, angel.”

“Okay.” was all you could say, as you let out more sobs.

“Don’t cry love, I’ll be right there. It’ll only take us a few minutes to drive there.” He tried to reassure you, but you just began to cry even more.

The boys hopped into the car and went on their way to find you. Tom kept you on the line as he made you promise to never do that again, and told you over and over how much you meant to him.

You were so grateful for him, and you didn’t know what you would do without him. He’s been so loving, and you were massively in love with him. You didn’t tell him that, but it was hard not to fall in love with his sweet and caring personality.

He made you feel safe, even if you were standing in an old telephone booth in a foreign country. At that moment, you knew you had to keep him around forever.

You saw the car pull up to the curb, and Tom hurriedly rushed out of the car to get to you. You got out of the phone booth as Tom wrapped you in a tight embrace, slightly swaying as he continued to hold onto you.

You started crying and so did he, as he whispered in your ear saying “please don’t do that again, okay? I never want to let you go.” He paused for a minute and then said “I love you.” You quickly told him you loved him too as you began to kiss him in the pouring rain.

The boys watched from inside the car, and after a while you and Tom made your way back to the car. He opened the door for you to get in, and immediately the boys were talking over each other and apologizing profusely.

“Listen I’m so sorry, I promise we’ll never say anything like that again. We’re proud of you for at least putting your cup in the dishwasher before you ran off.” Harry said as tears were brimming in his eyes.

“What he said. We hope you can forgive us.” Harrison added, as you nodded your head yes.

“I can forgive you. Now please, let’s go back to your house, I’m freezing.” You said as Tom took off the jacket he was wearing to give to you.

“No, let’s go back to our house.” Harrison said as he began to drive back home to your house.

——

A/N: hi, I definitely made myself cry while writing this. If you have any requests or want to be added to the tag list please let me know! 💛

Mes petits anges: @starkissedholland​ @scarletxwidow​ @fangirlwithasweettooth​

Not Nineteen Forever (17) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex) - Ortega

a/n: hey angels! thank u for ur patience, here is yet another chapter of the hellscape that is n19f. as i said on my blog, u will either love this chapter or hate it. either way let me know what u think!! this is a big chunky one at 13k (ik i’m treating u during this quarantine) so grab ur snacks and settle in. lots of love, byeee!

trigger warning: a little light drinking xo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: Scarlet celebrated her birthday by helping Nina win back Monet, a surprise party organised by her girlfriend, and a suspiciously civil Brooke and Vanjie.

this chapter: from one birthday to another, the gang heads out to the country to celebrate Brooke and Akeria’s 22nd. everyone seems back on good terms, but will the combination of hide and seek, truth or dare, a hot tub and of course a lil bit of alcohol change anything?

***

“Holiday!...da-da-da-dum-dum-daaa, Celebrate!”

Brooke rolled her eyes, unable to help herself laughing as Nina rolled her suitcase towards Monet’s car. “It’s hardly a holiday, is it, girl? Overnighter in an airbnb in the middle of buttfuck nowhere?”

“Listen, I’ll take what I can get, thank you very much,” Nina raised her eyebrows, as Monet lifted the door of the boot up and Nina heaved her case inside.

“Oh, what a compliment,” Monet quipped from beside her, Brooke making a sick noise as Nina slid her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and gave her a squeeze.

“Not with girlfriends, obviously. You’re a Tesco Finest girlfriend. Not a smartprice girlfriend,” Nina explained, Monet smiling proudly and nuzzling their noses together. Brooke already wanted to vomit and she wasn’t even car sick yet.

“Pack it in, bitches, or Monet’s uninvited,” she deadpanned, pushing herself off the wall she was currently leaning against and looking up at her bedroom window, ignoring the girls’ shouts of indignation. “Right, have you got everything, yeah?”

“Have you seen the size of this bitch’s suitcase? I think she has literally managed to pack your kitchen sink,” Monet cocked an eyebrow at Nina, who elbowed her in the ribs. Nina produced her phone from the pocket of her dungaree dress.

“Hey Google, can you divorce your girlfriend?” she asked into the speaker, Monet howling a laugh and shoving her.

“Seriously, guys, I haven’t packed enough anti-sickness tablets for this,” Brooke said dryly, making her way to the passenger door.

“Oh, are you planning on recreating the great rail replacement bus fiasco of ‘18?” came a voice, Brooke turning round and narrowing her eyes at her smug flatmate, emerging through the door with her girlfriend and a small holdall bag.

“I was sat hungover opposite the toilet on a three hour coach journey, what the hell else was I expected to do?” Brooke defended herself. Yvie sat down on the wall outside their building, Scarlet joining her.

“Hmm, all I’ll say, Monet, is that I hope you have at least three empty plastic bags in the back seat with her,” she advised smugly, Brooke wishing she was still leaning against the wall so she could shove her off it.

“When is Plastique coming for you guys? Can I arrange for you to be sitting in the middle of the road when she drives up it?”

“Hey, what the fuck did I say?!” Scarlet yelped, outraged.

“You’re a bystander, Scarlet, and a bystander is worse than a bully,” Nina remarked sagely, Monet nodding along in support.

“Besides, I’m allowed to bully Brooke. It’s part of the lease,” Yvie shrugged, fixing the huge round sunglasses that had been on the top of her head and positioning them so they were right at the bridge of her nose. The March sunshine was welcome; it made Brooke feel happy, optimistic of things to come. Even the small scrub of grass out the front of their stairwell had bright purple, yellow and white bulbs poking through it, bringing a defiant sense of beauty to their surroundings. Brooke had been so pleased with the weather when she’d opened her curtains that morning that she’d packed a bunch of clothes she usually reserved for the summer. It felt odd wearing her denim skirt without the black tights she’d clad herself in for the past three months, but it was a welcome feeling. Yvie hadn’t really seemed to get the Summery memo other than her sunglasses- a huge knitted jumper covered in holes hung off her skinny frame and a pair of thick exercise leggings kept her legs warm.

“You couldn’t spruce yourself up a bit for my birthday, bitch? I feel like any minute now you’re going to start dancing around the street moulting straw singing about how you desperately want a brain,” Brooke smirked, Yvie simpering a fake smile and giving her the finger in response.

“It’s only fifteen degrees, Brooke, it’s hardly time to crack out the Kopparberg and blast T Shirt Weather yet,” Scarlet laughed. It was a bit hypocritical, Brooke thought as she looked Scarlet’s outfit up and down- a floaty, lacey dress and a pair of white Adidas- but of course she would defend her girlfriend. It wasn’t actually fair, contemplated Brooke. Scarlet and Yvie would always team up, so would Monet and Nina. Brooke had to fight all her battles herself.

“Besides, your birthday is over! Move on, hoe,” Yvie smiled, running forward and shaking Brooke’s shoulders relentlessly as the other girls laughed uproariously in the background.  Brooke laughed and batted her away, knowing she was just joking. As she shoved her friend off of her, a familiar grey Audi drove up their street and pulled in behind Monet’s car. Plastique gave her horn a little beep, waving and rolling down her window.

“Let’s ride, bitches! I’m so ready for this weekend,” she squealed, as Yvie and Scarlet rushed to shove their bags in the boot of her car.

“I think I’ve been ready since we booked it,” Nina sighed, stretching. “Right, let’s go, girls! Dun-duun-da-na-na-dun dun.”

As Nina continued singing Shania Twain and hopped in the passenger seat of Monet’s car, Brooke passed by Plastique’s window and gave her hand a squeeze. “You know how to get there, yeah?”

“Up the motorway then off at junction 4 and then just follow all the signs for the B road. We good,” she nodded, then gave a laugh. “Kiki’ll probably end up in France somehow, you know what her sense of direction is like.”

“Yeah, but she’s got Silky and Vanj to direct her. She’ll be fine,” Brooke shrugged, thumping on Plastique’s door and making for the other car. “Right, see you ladies at the airbnb!”

Monet blasted her horn once, twice, three times as Brooke dashed into the back seat and buckled up. As Nina connected her phone to the aux cord and started blasting typically Nina-ish cheesy music, Brooke felt an excited little smile creep up on her face, slapping her hands against her thighs to the beat. The past almost-a-month had gone by quickly, and Brooke and Akeria’s shared birthday trip away had arrived before Brooke had known it. It had been booked on a whim, an excited message from Akeria on the group chat about a potential birthday night out had grown arms and legs until suddenly the girls were all transferring her money for a night in the country to jointly celebrate her and Brooke’s birthdays. They had turned 22 within ten days of each other, and the girls had all decided that the amount of money they would have spent on two big nights out- Ubers, big bottles of vodka for pres, club entry, club drinks and cheesy chips at the end of the night- probably equated to the same, if not more, than the amount they would drop on a boujie house in the country. The house they had booked was huge- five big bedrooms with floor to ceiling windows, a lounge straight out of a murder mystery drama with plush sofas, towering bookshelves and a massive roaring fire, a kitchen with a table big enough to fit them all round and an aga with what seemed to be a thousand burners- though whether anyone would know how to work the damn thing was anyone’s guess, Brooke thought with a snort. The icing on the cake of the whole place, though, was a huge section of outdoor decking with a hot tub set in the middle of it. To most of the girls it would be like living somebody else’s life for the weekend, but, Brooke thought mischievously, to Plastique it would probably seem the same as a weekend at home.

Brooke was glad they could all do something like this, go away together after what had happened. She didn’t really know what had happened to Vanessa to make her warm up to her so unexpectedly. It had all started when they were preparing for Scarlet’s birthday surprise; Brooke remembered how hard her heart had been beating that morning as she’d known it was the first time she’d be properly seeing Vanessa since they broke up, having to wipe her sweaty palms on her jeans as the door to the kitchen had opened and Vanessa, Akeria and Silky had walked in. Akeria and Silky, to their credit, had been fine and normal with Brooke, despite the amount of dragging through the mud they had probably done to her name when they’d heard the news of her and Vanessa’s breakup. Vanessa, (understandably, thought Brooke) had hugged Yvie, Plastique and Nina, but not Brooke, the obviousness of the action lost in the frenetic melee of the girls seeing each other all at once. Brooke had preferred that, though. She wouldn’t have wanted the awkwardness of reminding herself how perfectly her arms seemed to fit around Vanessa, the brief scent of the Aussie shampoo she used in her hair, her head against her chest even for just the tiniest second.

After that, Vanessa had started with the digs. Brooke had thought she’d had malicious intent at first, until she got bored and decided to fire back.

(Yvie’s voice had yelled from the hallway. “Who’s made the cupcakes yet? Anyone?”

“Well if it’s Brooke, we all dyin’ tonight.”

“At least I can make something! How much do you drop on Deliveroo in a month, like, half your student loan?”)

With each verbal sparring match, Brooke had watched as the small, sardonic snorts Vanessa had given evolved into a full-blown beaming smile, the kind she always used to shoot Brooke’s way with the perfect white teeth and the tiny dimple and the little blush that hit her cheeks. It was almost painful knowing that Brooke had given up that smile. And that had been the moment. The moment that Brooke had finally admitted to herself what she’d been wanting to deny all this time- she deeply wished she hadn’t ended things with Vanessa, that she’d fought through the ick and given it at least more of a shot than she had. Now Vanessa had moved on and she was seeing someone else and she was happy. Happy without Brooke. Why had Brooke broken up with her so quickly?

She was an idiot.

“She was an idiot.”

Brooke snapped out of her trance, blinking and trying to figure out how Monet had managed to get inside her head. “What?”

“That woman. Blue car. Completely cut me off,” Monet rolled her eyes, frowning as she inched forward in the traffic until she was almost bumper to bumper with the car in question.

“Oh M'net, don’t start a fight,” Nina sighed, resting her knees against the glovebox.

“I’m not! I’m just letting a bitch know that her misconduct was noted,” Monet growled.

“Her misconduct was noted? God, you’re such a teacher,” Nina laughed, a big chuckle with loads of heart that made Brooke smile.

“Hey, so are you!”

“Stop fucking bickering or I will take your vocal cords and strangle you with them!” Brooke cried, tiring quickly. She watched Monet smirk in the rear view mirror.

“It’s alright, Neens. Just because Brooke’s jealous of happy couples and regrets breaking it off with Vanjie-”

“Wait what? I don’t…oh, Nina, for fuck’s sake! I told you not to tell anyone!” Brooke snapped, training accusatory eyes on her friend. After Scarlet’s birthday, she’d told Nina what she’d told Yvie, just in a little more detail, and she’d been more sympathetic than her other flatmate, making her tea and nodding understandingly as Brooke vented at her. Nina was usually good with secrets, a reliable and trustworthy friend. Brooke couldn’t understand why she would-

“Ahahaha!!! BITCH! You just totally exposed yourself! Oh my God!!” Monet screeched in time with her tyres, thumping her hand against the steering wheel. Brooke was confused, her heart still thudding. “Nina ain’t told me shit but I got eyes and ears, an’ I saw you two flirting at Scarlet’s. All damn day and night. You don’t act like that with someone you just broke up with.”  

“Yeah I’m afraid you just spilled your own secret, Brooke,” Nina deadpanned from the passenger seat, giving a little laugh.

“Shit,” Brooke sighed, putting her head in her hands. “Great. Well, you probably think I’m a total asshole, Monet.”

“Hey, I’m a very chill person! You do you, girl. You wanna get with Vanessa for 3 months, break up with her for one and then get back with her again, that’s no business of mine,” Monet shrugged, a twinkle in her eye.

“Yeah, I know I made a mistake, thanks,” Brooke sighed, biting her lip as she let her thoughts wash over her. Monet had a unique angle on the whole situation. She lived with Monique, of course, and that whole thing was still going on between her and Vanessa, if a message Vanessa had accidentally sent to the group chat last week was anything to go by. Brooke had wondered for days on end whether it had actually been an accident or not, the content of the message sending her crazy with jealousy as it was essentially just Vanessa begging Monique to come round and fuck her into the mattress. She’d considered whether or not it could have been deliberate, but the absolute roasting Vanessa had received afterwards from the other girls couldn’t have been worth it if it had. Brooke considered asking Monet for some inside knowledge, decided against it, and then did a U-turn as she concluded that her pride and dignity were already bruised so she might as well go the whole hog and shatter them.

“So, uh…Vanessa’s still seeing Monique.”

Monet ran her tongue over her teeth. “She’s certainly round at the flat a lot.”

“So is that, uh…I mean, do you think that’s going to turn into anything more, or…?”

“I don’t know, girl, I don’t know if it’s my place to say.”

This is like pulling teeth. “Do you think they-”

“They’re having a lot of sex.”

“Monet!” Nina burst out in a shocked laugh.

“What?! They are!”

“Excellent!” Brooke exclaimed sarcastically, staring out the window as the city around them turned into fields and the houses turned into service stations.

“C’mon, Brooke, you have to admit you do kinda deserve this a lil’ bit,” Monet laughed, Brooke rolling her eyes from the back seat.

“Right, both of you shut up. I’m officially banning any conversations about pining or relationships until we get to the house. We sing, we eat snacks, occasionally we play I Spy. That’s it,” Nina scolded them, turning around in her seat and staring Brooke down. Brooke had never felt more like a disgraced teenager in her life.

“Ughhhh, fine, Mom,” Monet groaned, changing up into fifth as they hit the motorway, the weekend becoming more real and making Brooke tingle with excitement despite the news she hadn’t wanted to hear.

Just as Nina had ordered them, the three girls spent the rest of the journey singing at the top of their lungs to Vengaboys, B*Witched and Cascada, Brooke on crisp duty as she passed the cavernous bag of barbecue rib McCoys forward every five minutes or so, Monet making hurried grabs at crinkle cut crisps in between changing gears. Brooke managed to avoid the dreaded travel-sickness that had plagued her since she was about six years old, much to Monet and Nina’s delight. The sun didn’t let up, and it still hung proudly in the sky as the girls pulled up the leafy, tree-lined driveway to the house they’d booked, the branches hanging low and curling around each other signalling they hadn’t been cut in a while. Spying Akeria’s Corsa and Plastique’s Audi already parked, Monet pulled up alongside the huge white house, the little set of three stone chimneys on the roof puffing out smoke and letting the girls know that at least one room wouldn’t be too cold inside. As Monet neatened up her parking, the sound of Silky’s screeching cut through the crunching of wheels against gravel, and the rest of the girls spilled out of the front door shortly afterwards. As soon as the car had stopped, Brooke excitedly hopped out of the passenger seat, hugging any girl she could reach. Before she knew it, she’d found herself pulling out of a quick hug with Vanessa, and the two were in front of each other.

“Hey,” Brooke decided quickly to speak first, setting the tone so there wouldn’t be any awkward pauses.

“Hey! How was your ride? Get here okay?” Vanessa asked politely, tucking a strand of her caramel hair behind one ear. She was dressed in a tiny little cropped black jumper and some faded grey jeans, Brooke trying to ignore her mind reminding her of how right it felt to wrap her arms around Vanessa again, how tiny her waist was and how much she wished she could go back for another hug- for fuck’s sake, cut that shit out.

“Uh, yeah! It was fine. Traffic wasn’t too bad. How about you?”

Vanessa let out a laugh. “Shit was like Wacky Races. Akeria nearly rammed some old cunt off the road. I’ve never seen road rage like it, we genuinely feared for our lives. Or her license. Oh my God, this house is insane. C’mon, you need to see it!”

There was a split-second where Brooke felt Vanessa tug at her hand, which was quickly dropped as if the action had never happened. It was almost as if Vanessa had been on automatic pilot; the ease with which she used to slip her hand into Brooke’s hadn’t been forgotten by either of them. And then Brooke felt Plastique leap onto her back like a monkey, and the girl was excitedly chattering away to her, and the moment had passed.

Brooke barely had time to take in the huge cream-painted hall with the varnished cream stairs stretching practically up to the ceiling when Plastique steered her down two steps and into the kitchen, grey stone tiles making Brooke’s feet feel cold even through her trainers and the huge wooden table overflowing with assorted snacks. Akeria and Scarlet clung to the rail of the AGA, the two girls clearly feeling the cold in the chilly kitchen.

“Did any of us actually bring a meal between us or are we just going to live off of Twirl Bites and Classic Dip Selections?” Yvie wondered, picking up a four-pack of various dips. Brooke laughed.

“Hey, there’s pizzas in the fridge! Do y’all really think I would let you starve?” Silky piped up, opening the huge fridge to reveal at least ten pizzas, more than they would eat in one night.

“Nobody goes hungry in the presence of Silky Nutmeg Ganache,” Plastique smiled proudly, holding her fist out for Silky to punch. As the girls’ fists connected, Brooke watched as Vanessa scraped a wooden chair out against the stone floor.

“You girls wanna have a munch and then get wrecked?”

“Hmm, if we get drunk too early then there’s no way we’ll be able to work this oven,” Scarlet shrugged, biting her lip and frowning.

“Yeah, we’re gonna struggle to operate this sober,” Monet considered, opening up one of the oven doors and investigating.

“Well how about we snack and then play a game? I wanna play hide and seek in here,” Nina bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly. Akeria snorted.

“Hide and seek, you’re such a child. But to be fair, that could be fun. Or sardines.”

“What’s that?” asked Brooke. “I don’t know if we had that but called it something else.”

“That one where one person hides and everyone else seeks,” Yvie explained. “It’s way better. Way more chaotic.”

“Sweet. I’m down,” Brooke shrugged. She was glad that all of the girls she was friends with were happy to dick about and play kids’ games for an afternoon, and it was the kind of thing she’d miss when she graduated and would have to find a job.

The girls were all feeling peckish after their long drive, though, so they all grabbed the nearest snacks they could and headed upstairs to the living room, where Akeria had managed to start the fire which was crackling warmly in the huge marble fireplace. They all dumped their food on the huge glass-topped coffee table and had a little explore around the house before they relaxed. There was a surplus of bedrooms, and it had been agreed that since they were celebrating Brooke and Akeria’s birthdays, the two girls should have a bedroom to themselves each. Brooke’s bedroom had a huge bay window out to the rear of the house where the fields stretched for miles, and an actual four-poster bed.

“I can’t help but feel like you guys should take this room and I should take yours,” Brooke said with a pang of guilt for Yvie and Scarlet, who had dumped their things in the room they were sharing and had come to investigate Brooke’s.

Scarlet made a noise of discouragement. “No, it’s fine! This’ll get cold anyway, it’s so big. Our room’s cosier.”

Brooke watched Scarlet share a smile with her girlfriend and wrap both of her arms around Yvie’s. “Yeah, honestly, Brooke, it’s fine. Scarlet would manage to bump her head and toe and Christ knows what else on all four of the posts anyway.”

Scarlet burst out into offended laughter, letting the girls know that she secretly agreed a little bit.

“How’re the others?” Brooke asked, peering down the little corridor with the exposed wooden beams and hearing chatter and Monet’s deep laughter coming from the other rooms.

“Plastique, Silk and Vanj are all in together. I think V drew the short straw so she’s on the sofa bed,” Scarlet gave a shrug.

“That’s unfortunate,” Yvie commented, raising her eyebrows at Brooke slightly.

“Behave,” Brooke smacked her, not appreciating the implication. Vanessa had only just become friends with her again. They were hardly going to spend the entire night going at it like rabbits just because Vanessa wasn’t looking at her like she wanted to kill her anymore. “Come on, lovebirds. I feel like I haven’t shovelled enough crisps down my throat today.”

The three girls made their way to the living room again, where Nina and Monet were draped over the sofa and snacking on some sort of jelly sweets. Gradually the other girls joined them in drips and drabs and they spent the time chatting and gossiping in their usual way- about anything and everything under the sun. Brooke kept finding her eyes being drawn to Vanessa. It wasn’t entirely her fault- she was sitting opposite her, and often Brooke would find her already looking her way. Although that could have just been Brooke’s imagination. God, she didn’t even know anymore.  

“Right!” Nina cried, as everyone looked dangerously close to slipping into a snack-induced coma. “Sardines time!”

“Kiki should hide first, it’s her birthday!” Silky argued immediately, Brooke only the tiniest bit affronted.

“Hey, hey, it’s Brooke’s birthday too. Also, I feel like y’all are way more enthusiastic than me about this, so I really don’t mind.”

“Brooke hides first!” Nina shouted unnecessarily. Brooke stood up from the sofa and rolled her eyes.

“Wait, so everyone is after me? Christ. This is like that nightmare I had about being on Hunted.”

“Good luck tryna squeeze that Jolly Green Giant-ass body into any of these cupboards, bitch!” Vanessa yelled across the room to uproarious laughter, Brooke turning round in time to see Vanessa stick her tongue out at her.

“Oh, like you can talk! Are you not the same size as an actual Subway sandwich?” Brooke bit back, sticking her tongue out right back and feeling an excited fizz in her stomach as she caught Vanessa blushing slightly as she laughed. As the other girls joined in with the mocking and all piled on each other, Brooke spotted two girls who weren’t laughing- Akeria and Silky were looking at each other knowingly, a look that seemed to convey disapproval. What the hell was their problem? If Vanessa was fine with her, then that meant there was no reason for the two of them to hold a grudge either, right?

Brooke frowned, trying not to read too much into it. She turned around and headed out the door. “Okay, count to 100 then, bitches!”

As she heard the others all start chanting descending numbers like a terrifying cult of mathematicians, Brooke began dashing around the house for a place to hide. She ran past the bedrooms, assuming that the others would check there straight away. Brooke considered going behind the porch door, but then thought that might end up being too obvious. She found herself in the kitchen, and to her delight she noticed a huge wooden door set into the wall that had to be a cupboard. Opening it, she saw what looked to be a pantry- shelves and shelves with only a couple of tins left by other guests at the house. It was good, but Brooke didn’t think it was a particularly great place to hide until she spotted another door at the very end of the pantry- slightly smaller with a little circular handle. As Brooke turned it, she was confronted with a tiny dark room, with only the blinking lights of the boiler that sat inside to illuminate it.

Perfect.

As Brooke hopped in, she could hear the blood roaring in her ears and her heart thumping. She wanted to giggle. This was exactly how it had felt to play hide and seek when she was little, and she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old still feeling the same way. Hell, she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old playing hide and seek. Gradually, she began to hear the sound of footsteps thundering above her, the old ceiling creaking and letting Brooke know the girls were on their way. Then, it all went silent for a while. Brooke breathed out heavily. Just then, she heard the door to the pantry open and one set of footsteps shuffle through it. They dashed to the end of the room and then seemed to be satisfied that there was nothing more to investigate- until Brooke heard them do what seemed to be a double-take. Keeping her breathing silent, Brooke stood frozen to the spot as she saw the door gradually open with a long, murder-mystery style creaaak…

Shit.

Vanessa stood at the doorframe to the cupboard, a shit-eating grin on her face. “I’ve been tellin’ Yvie I’m the best at hide and seek, but she ain’t believe me. What’d that take me, two minutes?”

“Yeah, good job, Poirot,” Brooke smirked, although it was hiding a multitude of nerves. Her and Vanessa, stuck in a tight, dark space together until the other girls found them. This was fine. This would be fine. “Right come on then, girl, you need to get in.”

“Fuck no, I ain’t goin’ in there! That’s a straight-up spiders’ nest, fuck that.”

“Just get in!” Brooke grabbed her gently but firmly by the wrist and dragged her inside, closing the door behind them. It was entirely dark except for the small strip of light where the door met the doorframe, which illuminated Vanessa’s hair and collarbones. There was a small beat of silence in which Brooke’s eyes adjusted to the darkness again, and when her vision had settled she could see Vanessa smiling at her cheekily. “What?”

“There’s a spider in your hair.”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “No there’s not.”

“There is! A big one. It’s some Harry Potter type shit, I swear.”

“Shut up, Vanessa, I’m not falling for that shit,” Brooke snorted a laugh, squashing the unease that began to creep up on her.

“It’s got, like, a billion eyes.”

“Has it.”

“An’ forty legs,” Vanessa bit her lip, trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck kind of biology classes did you go to? A spider with forty leg- JESUS!” Brooke all at once cut herself off, feeling a movement at her shoulder, her hair flicking against her neck slightly. She gave herself such a jolt that it felt like whiplash, and she watched as Vanessa laughed at her brushing wildly against her shoulder. Brooke was confused when her hand connected with another hand. Vanessa’s hand. How the hell she’d managed to reach up there without Brooke’s notice was anyone’s guess, but she’d certainly done what she’d set out to do. Brooke launched herself forward and squeezed a hand at Vanessa’s waist, laughing as the other girl screeched in response. The two girls descended into giggles, Brooke having to fend off Vanessa’s playful swipes as she berated her.

“Shut up, bitch! You’re going to get us caught!” Brooke laughed, grabbing one of Vanessa’s wrists in each hand. Suddenly, both girls paused, the compromising position they were in dawning on both of them. The memory of when she used to pin Vanessa to the bed with both her wrists and kiss her neck shot through Brooke’s mind like a hot iron, unwanted and welcome all at once. In the darkness, she could see Vanessa’s single raised eyebrow.

“You telling me you don’t wanna get caught?” she murmured, her voice low and making the atmosphere charged and thick with something that hadn’t been there before. Brooke squeezed her thighs together. This couldn’t turn into something else. She couldn’t let it.

“Well, that is the whole point of the game,” Brooke said, trying to inject as much level-headedness into her tone as she was able. To her dismay she watched as Vanessa’s eyes took on a dark twinkle.

“Oh, right, uh-huh. The game. Sure,” she smirked, Brooke only able to laugh in response because that way she wasn’t saying anything. This situation was fucked. It was so weird. Vanessa was flirting with her, unprompted. So what did this mean? That she still liked Brooke? That she wanted to be friends and was just playing? What did this mean for her and Monique? They couldn’t be that serious, then, if Vanessa was doing all this? Or maybe they’d fallen out and Vanessa wanted her to be jealous? But what was the point of making somebody jealous who wasn’t here? What if her and Monique were together and Vanessa was cheating? What if-

“AYYYYYY FUCKIN’ HOES! Yes! I’m shit-hot at this game, Jesus!” Silky threw the door open, screeching her head off and sending every thought that Brooke was overthinking into the stratosphere.

“Stop yellin’ bitch, and get in!” Vanessa laughed. As Silky squeezed into the ever-decreasing-in-space cupboard, Brooke felt her throat almost close up as Vanessa shuffled up against her to make more room, tilting her head up, locking eyes with Brooke and sending her a look that she couldn’t decipher before looking away and whispering to Silky.

They were eventually found by the other girls- namely because there was no space at all once Scarlet arrived so Plastique found half of the girls with one toe in the cupboard and the rest of their bodies outside of it. The game carried on, but Brooke’s head wasn’t properly in it. She would deliberately put in the bare minimum effort when she was looking for the girls because, really, she wouldn’t know what to do if she was stuck in another confined space with Vanessa. Why had it turned so weird before? All flirty and edged with something she couldn’t work out. It wasn’t right- Vanessa was meant to be mad at her, meant to hate her and never want to speak to her again and somehow they’d gone from civil, to nearly-friends, to eye-fucking each other in a boiler cupboard in the space of a month?

The encounter was still playing on Brooke’s mind as she got ready for dinner. The girls had all decided that they would “do a Love Island” (in the words of Akeria) and all get glammed up to sit in the living room and play games after they’d eaten. It felt funny to be putting on a dress, heels and fake lashes without the possibility of going out anywhere, but the methodical process of putting on her makeup was a welcome distraction from the swirling thoughts in Brooke’s head.

“Ayo,” came an unexpected voice, causing Brooke to flinch a little and drop the lipgloss she’d been applying moments before. Looking behind her in the mirror she saw it was just Yvie and Nina. Usually she’d have been happy to see them, but right now she was doing too much overthinking and couldn’t let on what had happened earlier between her and Vanessa. So Brooke just stuck on her best fake smile as she turned around to face them.

“Hey! You guys look so good,” she complimented them, Nina smiling and Yvie giving a little snort.

“Well I didn’t want to be accused of not making an effort for your birthday again,” she poked her tongue out at Brooke and tugged a little at the beads on the hem of her short gold dress.

“If you trip in those heels I hope you know that’s, like, instant paralysis,” Brooke commented, looking at the spikes of Yvie’s six inch stilettos. When the girl did glam, she did glam, Brooke had to give it to her.

“As if Yvie needs to be any taller than she already is,” Nina laughed playfully.

“Awh, she needs to be tall so she can look down on her smol bean uwu girlfriend,” Brooke teased, Nina continuing to giggle and Yvie giving an amused roll of her eyes.

“What’s up with you anyway, bitch? You’ve been, like, extra bitter around all the couples today. It’s supposed to be your birthday, cheer the fuck up,” Yvie gave her a little nudge with her foot. Brooke frowned. She didn’t think she had been being bitter, but maybe Yvie was right. Fuck, what had she even said today? Brooke hoped that Vanessa hadn’t noticed anything.

“No, that’s not true. I’m fine! Just…” Brooke sighed, the bingo-hall-style tombola spinning rapidly in her head to generate an excuse. “…exams are soon, you know, and I’ve not started revising yet-”

“Oh my God, bitch, they’re in May! This is March! Chill the hell out,” Yvie laughed, pulling Brooke up from her position on the floor by the long mirror in the corner of her room. “Let’s go eat pizza. If Monet and Plastique have worked out how to cook them in that 1920s horror oven.”

As Yvie excitedly strutted out of the room and Brooke made to join her, Nina reached out to squeeze her hand.

“You’re a crap liar, Brooke Lynn Hytes,” she hissed quietly, Brooke rolling her eyes and making to protest when Nina spoke again. “But I won’t push it. I just wish you’d open the fuck up more.”

Brooke felt guilty. “I just don’t…it’s something I don’t want to overthink, Nina. So the best way you can help is helping me stuff myself full of carbs then pouring a 24 pack of San Miguel down my throat.”

Nina nodded understandingly as they reached the top of the stairs, Brooke holding back a snort as she watched Yvie cling to the bannister for dear life as she descended. Nina gave her hand another squeeze, then dropped it. “I can do that. You look beautiful, by the way.”

Brooke shyly looked down at her short, black one-shoulder dress and smoothed it down. “Thanks, babe.”

Nina’s smile suddenly turned scheming. “And so does Vanessa.”

Before Brooke could protest, Nina was bounding down the stairs in her bright white Filas that she’d paired with her blue and white checked dress. It wasn’t as formal as Brooke’s or Yvie’s, but that was the beauty of having a glam night in a big house where it was just them- nobody could judge you for being over or underdressed.

As Brooke followed her flatmates into the kitchen, she was met with the sight of her friends all happy, chatting, and in their best outfits. Annoyed at herself, she found her eyes darting around to find Vanessa. She wanted to know why Nina had said what she’d said, wanted to know if she was just winding her up.

And then her eyes came to rest on the most gorgeous version of Vanessa she’d ever seen, and her anxiety dipped, did a loop, then spiked. They were both in black- some dumb coincidence that the earth had sent her way, no doubt- but Vanessa’s was shiny, a vinyl dress that clung to her as if it was made of latex and painfully highlighted every curve of her body. She’d paired it with red heels, which had straps that snaked their way up her calves and showcased her perfect skin. Her dark hair had been blow-dried out (probably by Akeria, Brooke guessed) and fell in perfect waves down her back and over her shoulders (had she fucking highlighted her collarbones?). Her makeup was, as usual, perfect, a dark shock of eyeshadow and an indecent red on her lips causing Brooke’s heart to race. The worst part, though, about the whole outfit, was the silver zip that ran from the top of the dress to the bottom, right in the middle at the front, and either Vanessa (or someone mucking about with her…probably Silky) had unzipped it just the tiniest amount. For about the hundredth time that month, Brooke cursed herself for breaking things off with Vanessa. It wasn’t just about her looks though, or her body, or how much she missed the sex. Their interaction in the cupboard made Brooke remember how funny Vanessa was, how much of an endearing goofball, how she was just a cheerful person whose only real wish in life was to be properly happy. And Brooke had hurt her, made her the exact opposite of that. Vanessa loved everything and everyone so deeply, was the most open of books, and was so unafraid of feeling. Meanwhile there was Brooke not even able to tell her own flatmates, the two girls that knew her best in the world, about her own feelings.

As she watched Vanessa’s eyes drift from Scarlet and Monet, who she’d been talking to, across the room to rest on her, Brooke felt her heart stop. Not giving a single thing away, Vanessa smiled, gave a little wave, and crossed the room to where Brooke stood.

“Hey!” she began, so confident and self-assured and making Brooke feel more like a trashbag than she already did. “Nice dress.”

“Thanks!” Brooke smiled, uncharacteristically flustered at the tiny compliment. “You look so beaud!”

Fuck. Brooke kicked herself for getting tongue tied, badly hoping Vanessa wouldn’t have noticed. As she watched a confused smile appear on her face, Brooke realised she’d have to explain herself. “I was going to say beautiful, then I changed it to good and they just sort of…mushed together.”

Brooke felt her face grow hot as Vanessa simply raised an eyebrow in a smirk. “I’ll take both. Beautiful and good.”

Just as Brooke was about to defend herself, Silky announced to the girls in her own Silky-esque way that the pizzas were ready, and, giving a cry of delight, Vanessa had dashed across the room and left Brooke forgotten about.

As they all ate, Brooke fought an internal battle. She had absolutely no right to feel sorry for herself, this mess was entirely of her own making. Besides, she had to put everything out of her head now; she had made her decision, Vanessa had moved on, and she had to let the whole thing drop. But despite all this, it didn’t stop her brain constantly pestering her with what-ifs.

It was still pestering her once they’d all finished their dinner and moved upstairs into the huge living room for drinks and games, so she was glad when Nina popped herself down beside her with two ice cold bottles of beer from the fridge.

“One for each hand,” she explained. Brooke burst out laughing. She fucking loved Nina so much.

“Where’s yours?”

“Monet’s making mojitos for me and her. I love having a girlfriend, it’s like a sexy butler that you get to have sex with and cuddle any time you want,” Nina mused wistfully, giving Brooke her second belly-laugh in the space of two minutes. As she composed herself, Monet came into the room with two huge tall glasses overflowing with crushed ice and garnished with lime and mint.

“Where the fuck did you get mint and limes?” Brooke asked, screwing her face up in confusion then scrambling to pull a slightly more attractive one as Vanessa came in flanked by Silky and Akeria.

“I brought them, bitch! Anyway what did I miss?”

“Nina called you a sexy butler,” Brooke said casually, sipping one of her two beers and smiling as she watched Nina grow flustered.

“Jesus Christ, I’m getting all the compliments today! First I was a Tesco Finest girlfriend, now I’m a sexy butler. You know how to treat a lady, Neens,” Monet teased, pulling her girlfriend in and smothering her with kisses on the cheek.

“Ugh, get that couple shit outta here,” Vanessa yelled from the other sofa, throwing a leftover crisp at them. Monet instantly snapped back.

“Uh, like you can talk, Vanj.”

“What the shit hell is that meant to mean?” Vanessa laughed, amused.

Akeria grew outraged as she turned around to face Vanessa, her long, straight hair swinging wildly as she flipped it over her shoulder. “NEED we remind you what you sent to the group chat last week?!”

Silky began yelling, mirroring the cries of woe and dismay that were circling through Brooke’s brain at being reminded that Monique was still very much in the picture. “NO we do NOT need reminded! I can’t go through that again, dear Jesus God…”

“Fuck babygirl, I need that mouth on me-” Akeria began reading dramatically from her screen, the girls cringing and laughing and every word feeling like a kick to Brooke’s gut as Vanessa, face bright red, wrestled with Akeria to get the phone out of her hands. “-I’m touching myself but you know it’s not the same- aw, V! Give it back!”

“I’m gonna eat this fuckin’ phone, Akeria Chanel Davenport, I swear,” Vanessa chided her furiously, holding the phone out of her reach then relenting, giving it back to her. Silky fanned herself dramatically, making the others laugh. As Brooke did her best fake laugh and joined in, she tried not to make eye contact with Vanessa’s embarrassed face.

“Aw, are we talking about the unfortunate dirty text incident?” Plastique’s voice came from the hall, everyone laughing again as she sat down in the armchair beside the fire. “Seriously, V, you should be a songwriter. I swear that whole thing could’ve been from a Kamille song or some shit-”

“Well, all sexts are a little bit cringey, aren’t they?” Nina offered kindly, attempting to cheer Vanjie up. In doing this, she only succeeded in earning herself an exasperated cry from Monet.

“V, do you wanna go out? I can’t stand this bitch any more, she just keeps insulting me.”

As everyone howled with laughter and Nina frantically smothered her girlfriend in kisses trying to get her back onside, Brooke sneaked a look at Vanessa. She was laughing, but her face was still a little red. Christ, she looked so cute. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

“Speaking of sex, I’m assuming Yvie and Scarlet went off to bang?” Plastique shrugged, everyone finally realising who was missing.

“Oh, fuck this! Save that shit for later!” Silky protested, Akeria laughing and whacking her.

“Hey, let them be happy! It’s my birthday so I’m sayin’ if they want to fuck, let ‘em. In the meantime I have an empty wine bottle and a room full of girls with secrets that need spilled,” Akeria announced. Plastique clapped excitedly, Silky cheered and Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“For Christ’s sake, Kiki, do we not already know all there is to know about each other?” she complained. Interesting. So Vanessa didn’t want to play truth or dare, a game she was usually always down for.

“Excuse the fuck outta me, we played that stupid tuna game earlier!”

“Sardines,” Brooke deadpanned, earning herself a laugh from the room.

“It was some type of fish, I got that much right.”

“How are you through a whole bottle of wine already?” Silky asked, impressed.

“Can I live? It’s my birthday! Now will you hoes stop pissing in my cereal and let’s play!” Akeria implored, setting the wine bottle down against the red carpet and spinning it so violently Brooke worried that it would smash on the marble grate. It slowed, turning round and round and finally resting right back at where Akeria leant down from the sofa. She let out a giggle. “Oops. Guess it’s me.”

“Keeks, truth or dare!” Plastique asked excitedly. Akeria tilted her head, deep in thought.

“Hmm. I ain’t drunk enough for dares yet, so let’s go truth.”

There was a beat of silence as everyone racked their brains to think of something. Monet was first with an idea.

“Fuck, marry, kill: Silk, Vanj or…uh…”

“Asia,” Vanessa said simply, sipping some coke and spirit concoction through a straw as Silky let out a screech. Brooke was confused. She met her eyes with Nina’s, who looked equally baffled.

“Wait, who’s Asia?” Nina asked. Akeria, to her credit, looked composed. To be fair, Brooke had hardly ever seen her look anything but.

“She’s a friend from my course. We did a paired project together an’ she came over to the flat to work on it the other week,” Vanessa shrugged. “Her an’ Kiki seemed to hit it off.”

“I don’t have a fuckin’ crush on the girl, Jesus. Don’t make it weird,” Akeria rolled her eyes, blinking slowly. If Brooke squinted she might’ve spotted a flush to Akeria’s face, but perhaps that came from the glow of the fire.

Monet muttered under her breath to Brooke and Nina as the three flatmates bickered away. “Is Akeria gay?”

Brooke blew out a bunch of air. “Fuck, I don’t even know who’s what anymore.”

“She’s never classed herself as straight,” Nina elaborated cautiously. “She talks about getting dicked down by guys a lot. Then again, it’s really only Silky that does that and Keeks just joins in.”

“Silk and Vanj know something we don’t,” Brooke reasoned, watching as the two girls laughed and Akeria sat, poised and smirking at them indulgently as if they were kids.

“Right, enough! ‘Keria, fuck marry kill: Vanjie, Silk or Asia, then,” Monet shrugged, sipping her mojito.

Akeria flipped some hair over her shoulder and tilted her head to the sky thoughtfully. “I honestly can’t decide who I’d rather kill, Silk or Vanj.”

“Oh, so you’re gonna fuck or marry Asia, correct?” Vanessa quipped, a little fire igniting in Brooke’s heart as she watched a wicked smile spread across her scheming face.

“No, I don’t know her well enough to have any strong feelings towards her either way. You and Silk, however…” Akeria raised her eyebrows long-sufferingly, coaxing a laugh out of the other girls. “Uhh, right, marry Asia, or whatever. Kill Silky.”

“Bitch! I’ll kill you for real,” Silky objected, pummeling Akeria’s arm with a cushion.

“Fuck Vanj because she likes girls anyway and if she’s going down on me it means she’s not talking with that fuckin’ gritter-truck voice of hers,” Akeria shrugged as she concluded, the room cheering and Vanessa doing a little celebratory bow. As she flipped her head up she caught Brooke’s eye, giving her a little wink. Brooke crossed her legs and tried not to think about Vanessa going down on anyone. Least of all her.

“Aight!” Akeria said, indicating to everyone that her turn was well and truly over. “We move.”

The bottle was spun once more, Brooke taking a long drink out of her bottle and draining it. She needed to be tipsier than this. Everyone else seemed a little more drunk than she was, apart from Vanessa who she noted was sipping her drink sparingly. Brooke shook her head a little, trying to stop bringing her focus to Vanessa every five minutes. She’d taken her heels off and tucked her legs up underneath her on the sofa, and her thighs looked good for it.

“Plastique, truth or dare!”

Plastique tucked her hair behind her ears. “Uhh, dare.”

Brooke knew what to do for this one. Plastique had taken Ariel on a couple of dates, but the girls were emotionally stunted and neither of them had properly articulated their feelings to the other yet. “Call Ariel and tell her how you feel about her. Properly.”

As the other girls “oooh"ed in appreciation, Plastique fixed Brooke with an unimpressed glare. "I’m not doing that.”

“Pussy,” Brooke shrugged, sipping her other beer. Vanessa let out a laugh from the other side of the room.

“Brooke Lynn’s telling someone else they’re a pussy for not being open about their feelings? Are we in the correct universe?"

As the other girls gave a laugh that was only the slightest bit uncomfortable, Brooke rolled her eyes. "Okay, well at the very least send her a heartfelt text.”

“Why are you pushing this so much, ma?” Plastique pouted as she relented and reached for her phone.

“Because I’m bored of sitting in lectures hearing you moan about how you can’t tell her how you feel because it would make it weird or how you don’t want to come across too intense!"

"We all had to listen to you pine after Vanjie for two and a half years but we never forced you into admitting anything,” Plastique shrugged, the room erupting into shrieks. Brooke gave a choke of a laugh, wanting the ground to open up and swallow her. She knew her face was bright red without having to look in a mirror and, as much as her brain was imploring her not to, she found her eyes darting quickly to Vanessa to catch a glimpse of her face.

Calm, smiling tight-lipped and smug. As if she’d won something.

“No, but you did start a sweepstake about us so get off the high horse, thanks!” Brooke sing-songed back, the slight hint of irritation to her voice letting Plastique know she was to drop it. Us. The word felt weird in Brooke’s mouth, it hadn’t been used in so long. Two and a half years. Had she really liked Vanessa for that long before everything had happened between them? Brooke had actually thrown away two and a half years of feelings for the sake of one feeling of indecision, a feeling that maybe they shouldn’t have been a they any more?

For Christ’s sake don’t look at Vanessa.

“Fine. I’ve put tonight’s really fun but I miss you, I always miss you when you’re not with me, hope you know how much I care about you. That heartfelt enough for you bitches?” Plastique muttered, embarrassed. Nina let out an “aaw”, Akeria made a sick noise.

“Acceptable,” Brooke shrugged, sipping on her beer again. Suddenly, a cheer went up from Akeria, Vanessa and Silky who could see who was coming through the living room door first. Yvie and Scarlet were walking close, holding a glass of red wine each and wearing matching poker faces.

“Oh, here they are! Nice of you to finally join us!” Nina cheered, Scarlet giving a small smile and smoothing her dress down, sitting beside Yvie on the last remaining couch.

“All the best people are fashionably late!” she shrugged. Yvie gave a snort and swept some hair over her shoulder to cover her neck. Brooke saw the action and jumped on it.

“Nice neckwear.”

Yvie turned only slightly red. “Thanks. Gucci.”

“Hear that? Yvie’s girlfriend is Gucci. Not Tesco Finest. Gucci,” Monet nudged Nina, setting another laugh off amongst the girls.

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Brooke explained to the two girls, as Plastique gave the glass bottle a bit of a pathetic spin.

“Vanjie!”

Vanessa shook her head. “Nah that spin was shit, it don’t count.”

“Like hell it don’t! Truth or dare, bitch?” Silky all but interrogated her. Vanessa thought about it for a moment, then decided.

“Truth.”

Brooke’ heart hammered in her chest. She hoped to God they wouldn’t ask Vanessa anything about her, anything about them.

“What’s going on with you and Monique, Vanjie?” Monet asked dramatically, Akeria giving a cry of delight and thumping her hands against her thighs.

Great.

As the room broke out into eager laughter, Vanessa just smiled.

“Well, Monique and I are good friends, and…we get on well. We both been, y'know, unlucky in love a lil’, so…” Vanessa trailed off, the room giving little chokes of anticipation and Brooke’s stomach twisting. “…if it’s one in the morning and one of us is maybe still up…y'know…”

Monet gave a tiny squeal through her teeth. Brooke wanted to wedge herself in between the sofa cushions and not emerge again til May of next year.

“Y'know, Monique’s very confident, very sure of herself, an’ that's…y'know, it’s attractive…” Vanessa trailed off, running her tongue over her teeth. Brooke knew that face, remembered the time when that face used to get directed at her before they’d fall into bed together, frantic kisses planted along collarbones and clothes discarded over the uneven floorboards of Vanessa’s room.

“But what’s actually going on? You’ve said so much but not actually said anything,” Yvie let out an unimpressed laugh. Vanessa composed herself and sat up straight, taking a rare sip of her drink.

“Well, we get on well. She’s a good person. And we’re friends,” Vanessa smiled coyly, causing the girls to laugh uproariously.

“Okay, okay, we all see it! We all get it!” Monet laughed, the knife twisting in Brooke’s stomach. Could it have been more obvious that they were obviously having each other in every type of position imaginable with any chance they got, or was it just Brooke being paranoid? She thought back to what Monet had said in the car earlier and concluded that, occasional hits of the bong aside, she was not being paranoid by any stretch of the imagination.

The game rolled along. Nina was made to do something vague and embarrassing with Monet that Brooke forgot quickly (or perhaps blocked out), Scarlet was forced to admit (rather proudly, Brooke thought) that her and Yvie had quickly fucked upstairs in the time they’d been away, and a few other of the girls did a couple of bland truths. As much as the bottle spun and spun, it never seemed to point Brooke’s way. Brooke was glad. She didn’t want to admit or say anything, and she also didn’t want to do anything remotely risky. However, when the bottle landed on Vanessa a second time, Brooke began to reconsider her thought process.

“Dare,” Vanessa smiled, a glint of danger in her eye flashing quickly as she darted her eyes quickly to Brooke.

Brooke tried not to look at Nina as she spoke. “Vanjie. Kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Plastique whispered quietly. It seemed as if the whole room held its breath. Brooke didn’t know if she was grateful to Nina for the setup or whether she wanted to descend into the earth’s core. She knew Vanessa had answered this question before with this group of girls, she knew that Vanessa thought the answer was her. But that was before everything had changed. Brooke felt her pulse race as Vanessa looked to the ceiling, deep in thought.

Slowly, she turned her gaze to Yvie and Scarlet.

“Yvie,” she began, a small sinking feeling lodging itself in Brooke’s chest. “Can I kiss your girlfriend?”

Yvie smiled at Scarlet proudly, happy for the compliment. “Dare’s a dare. Bring her back.”

“Scarlet, can I get a lil’ smooch?” Vanessa laughed, Scarlet laughing back and motioning for her to sit beside them on the sofa.

“C'mere, friend,” she laughed easily, Vanessa crossing the room and joining them. Brooke remembered when Vanessa had kissed Scarlet before- in the nightclub, before they were together and before Yvie and Scarlet were together. She remembered how it made her feel- a little irritated and sad all in one. Looking back, she realised it was plain and simple jealousy, and she knew her feelings weren’t going to change this time.

Quickly, Vanessa leaned in and met Scarlet’s lips, kissing her gently but slowly, her hand resting on Scarlet’s hip easily. It could only have been about three seconds long, but each one seemed to tick by agonisingly slowly, and Brooke hoped she wasn’t showing any of her fucked-up emotions on her face. As the two girls pulled away and the others whooped and whistled, Scarlet made a face.

“Bitch, all I tasted there was pepperoni. That was the least sexy kiss I’ve ever had.”

“You loved it, hoe!” Vanessa laughed, retreating back to her seat. Desperate to look at anything but Vanessa’s face, Brooke watched Yvie and Scarlet. Yvie had the satisfied grin of a mafia mob boss as Scarlet whispered something in her ear, then smiled seductively, kissing her once, twice, three times, red lipstick meeting purple.

“Well if I wasn’t bi before, I sure as hell am now,” Plastique fanned herself.

“We are the cornerstone of Plastique’s sexual identity. That’s a fucking compliment!” Scarlet cheered, Yvie laughing and wrapping her arms around her.

“Nah, you and Yvie are my parents. The Mums of the group,” Plastique explained.

“Fuck off, we’re not the Mums!” Yvie laughed, outraged. “Nina and Monet are literally right there!”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Nina cried, outraged at the perceived injustice.

“Yeah, don’t lump me in with this dork!” Monet yelled, laughing with the other girls as Nina swatted her on the arm.

“Right! Spin, Vanj,” Yvie ordered, the girl spinning the bottle round obediently. Brooke watched as the top of the bottle whizzed by her once, twice, three times, past Yvie, Scarlet, the Antigua Road girls, slowed down as it reached Plastique, edged past Monet and Nina and then came to rest on Brooke.

“All RIGHT! About time this bitch spilt some tea,” Silky clapped in delight.

“Brooke,” Akeria said with the threat level of an MI5 employee. “Truth or dare?”

Brooke paused. Her go-to was usually a truth, however there was no way she was going for that this time, not while she was still a concrete mixer of feelings for Vanessa and not while there was a room full of people wanting to know exactly what was going on with them. She shrugged. “Dare.”

“Okay-” Akeria tailed off, making to stop and think. A practically evil smile spread across her face as realisation dawned on her. “Same dare. Kiss the hottest person in the room. Ten seconds.”

Silky let out a scream, growing so excitable on the sofa that Vanessa was almost sent through the ceiling. Scarlet whispered something to Yvie on the sofa, both of the girls looking at Brooke intently. Plastique shouted over something to Akeria that Brooke couldn’t hear. All she could focus on was how Vanessa had grabbed Silky and was laughing, but somewhat nervously. Her face had gone bright red. Brooke bit her lip. She thought back to their flirting in the cupboard earlier, how they were almost back to square one again, the weird bid Vanessa had made to make Brooke jealous. She could always kiss Yvie or Nina, take the easy way out. But the more she looked at Vanessa, the more drawn she became to her until before she knew what she was doing, Brooke had stood up from her place on the carpet and taken one, two, three steps to sit on the couch and look Vanessa in the eyes.

Brooke could hear everyone in the room screaming, and she knew Silky had run out of the room shouting incoherently, but all she seemed to hear was her blood roaring in her ears as Vanessa leaned in. Before she knew it, Brooke’s hand was resting on Vanessa’s bare thigh and they were kissing each other, slow and deep and lazy and in a way that Brooke never wanted to end. She felt Vanessa’s tongue licking at hers gently and immediately felt a throb of heat between her legs as she remembered 3ams spent between her sheets and Vanessa’s head buried between her thighs.

Christ, this was a bad idea, this was a bad idea-

“ZERO! And y’all can officially cut that shit out,” Brooke suddenly felt herself being wrenched away from Vanessa, Akeria’s voice cutting through her hazy thoughts and bringing her back down to earth with a bump.  

“Well, I feel like on that note,” Monet clapped her hands together decisively. “I’m away out to drink in the hot tub. Anyone else?”

One by one the girls agreed, dashing out of the room excitedly, and it was obvious to Brooke that everyone would be talking about what had just happened. Vanessa had run off quickly, her hand in Silky’s as the two dashed upstairs to get their swimwear on. The only girl that was left in the room as Brooke made to do the same was Akeria. She frowned at Brooke as they both left the room, a warning in her eyes which sent a chill down Brooke’s spine. Trying to ignore it, Brooke dashed upstairs, changed into her pink bikini and then ran outside to join the others. They wouldn’t talk about her and Vanessa’s kiss if she was there, so the less time she was away the better. Brooke grabbed a third beer from the fridge on her way out to the garden, and as she stepped outside she noticed how the moon already hung huge and bright in the sky, how the grass already had a shine of cold wet on it, and how everything looked almost a little bit magic. Joining the others and sitting between Yvie and Plastique, she tried to ignore Vanessa sitting opposite her in a black bikini that looked equally sinful as the outfit she’d been wearing before. Luckily the rest of the girls had no further desire to play drinking games, and talk instead turned to movies. Brooke didn’t join in. She couldn’t- too much was swirling around her mind, namely how good the kiss had felt. Scarlet had probably lied to make Yvie laugh- Vanessa had tasted like sugary coke, and the all too familiar scent of her perfume was still inexplicably clinging to Brooke. It had been weird to kiss after months of no contact at all. It had been a bad decision. Brooke had done yet another wrong thing.

So why did it feel somehow correct?

“Right!” Akeria said after a while, almost toppling over as she stood up. “I think I’m gettin’ a touch of the hypothermias. Who’s comin’ inside to watch Sister Act?”

“Bitch! That’s like, my favourite movie. Hell yes,” Monet sprang up, knocking Nina off her lap and into the middle of the hot tub. The girls erupted in a laugh, Brooke almost dropping her beer into the water. One by one, they all filed out of the water. Brooke was the last one left. Admittedly she didn’t want to leave- she was now tipsy enough to not feel the cold, and she could have lain back and stared at the white light of the full moon in the inky sky forever. Just as she was about to follow the others, she noticed that the second-to-last girl out of the hot tub was Vanessa. Brooke swallowed thickly, trying her best not to stare at how the small droplets of water clung to her thick thighs or how her tiny bikini barely covered her firm ass, or how her slick, wet hair cascaded down her back. Almost as if she could read Brooke’s mind, Vanessa slowly, tortuously turned around. She had a little wicked smile on her face, the kind she always used to wear when she flirted with Brooke. It made Brooke cross her legs and squeeze her thighs together.

“You got a good enough view from there?” she asked, playfulness coating her words as she spread both her arms out to lean against the back of the hot tub.

This was bad. This was not good. Brooke couldn’t flirt back. It would only lead to another really horrendous, catastrophic decision. Her mind was hot-wiring, and to her dismay she couldn’t come up with any form of quick-witted comeback. Noticing how long it was taking her to reply, Vanessa gave a throaty laugh.

“Hmm. I’ll take that as a yes, then,” she purred, crossing the water and sitting down close next to Brooke. Brooke tried her best not to choke as she took a sip from the bottle in her hand.

“Thought you were going to watch Sister Act?” she asked, trying to sound casual but cringing at how nervous she sounded as the words left her mouth. Her blood pressure dialled up a notch as Vanessa laced her fingers together, placed her hands on Brooke’s bare shoulder, then rested her head against her fingers.  

“I don’t know. Think I’d rather see what’s so special about this view you love so much,” Vanessa murmured softly, Brooke not missing the way she rushed out the word ‘love’ as if to distil any awkwardness. She didn’t need to worry, though, because right now all Brooke could focus on was how good Vanessa looked in that black bikini, and how her red lipstick still clung to her plump lips as if it had just been applied, and her beautiful dark gaze from under her fake lashes.

“Hmm. It’s a pretty good view. Pretty beautiful,” Brooke found herself whispering, eliciting a sparkle from Vanessa’s eyes. Fuck. Shit. She shouldn’t have said that, it just seemed to have happened, but with Vanessa sitting pressed up so close to her how else could she have possibly reacted? There was a small silence in which Vanessa gave a small giggle, looking down at the constantly popping bubbles. The jet stream pummeled Brooke’s back to bits.

“What’s funny?” she smiled cautiously. Vanessa looked at her, something nostalgic on her face.

“Your pickup lines are still cringey as fuck,” she smirked, Brooke rolling her eyes a little. She had to steer this conversation back to normality. Whatever the fuck normality was as far as her and Vanessa were concerned.

“That wasn’t a pickup line. If I was trying to pick you up, you’d know about it.”

“Oh, I know about it, baby. Don’ worry,” Vanessa hit back instantly, Brooke taking the pet name like a fatal shot. Brooke knew that Vanessa knew what that word did to her in the right context with the right tone. Fuck. Bad idea, bad idea. She was determined not to lose whatever game this was. She would not do anything stupid. She would not ruin the tiny, small beginnings of this foundation of their friendship that they were gradually re-building. She would stand up and go inside and watch Whoopi fucking Goldberg dance about in a fucking habit and all would be right with the world again.

“Two and a half years, huh? You had it bad, bitch, I never knew I had that kind of effect on you,” Vanessa laughed suddenly, Brooke trying not to blush as she remembered Plastique’s words from earlier.

“Not that you’re letting it go to your head,” Brooke shrugged, taking a sip.

Vanessa giggled again. Brooke wished she wouldn’t. “Never.”

“Good compliment for you, I guess.”

“Better than beaud,” Vanessa smirked, snorting a laugh as Brooke tipped her head back and cringed. As she quietly stopped laughing, Vanessa shrugged lightly. “An’ I mean, nice to know I’m the hottest girl in the room too.”

Brooke let out a small sigh at having to confront her decision. “I mean just because we’re not dating any more doesn’t mean it’s not objectively true. By Western beauty standards you probably are the hottest girl in the room.”

Vanessa laughed again. “Western beauty standards, my God. I’m not even white, you dumb bitch.”

“Yeah, but…you’ve got this gorgeous skin, and all your shiny hair. And your eyes that go all twinkly when you’re happy,” Brooke explained. Where was all this coming from? “And you have perfect white teeth, and the best smile. I feel like you light up the whole room when you laugh.”

Brooke’s heart gave a twinge as Vanessa’s face broke out into a smile, tilting her face to the side a little inquisitively. Brooke gave a little cough, aware of all the compliments she’d given her. “And you have a really good figure as well, so, yeah.”

“Oh, obviously. Well, we all know how much you like that,” Vanessa smirked cheekily, Brooke suddenly snapping her neck round to face her properly.

“What?”

“Liked that. Like, liked. Whatever. We’re friends now, we can laugh about it,” Vanessa shrugged, the words coming out of her mouth confirming their status at once relieving Brooke and putting her on edge. They were back to being friends. This was what Brooke wanted, right? Vanessa still had the little cheeky grin on her face as she spoke again. “Friends who still kiss each other, apparently.”

“Well, you kissed Scarlet,” Brooke said, trying to make it as nonchalant as possible. Judging by Vanessa’s smug reaction, she hadn’t succeeded.

“You seem pressed.”

“Not pressed! Just saying,” Brooke tried to protest gently but felt she came on way too heavy.

“Mhm. There’s just one problem about all this, though…” Vanessa murmured, her tone charged with something that immediately made the hairs on Brooke’s arm stand on end, giving her goosebumps.

And then, with one fluid movement, Vanessa moved to straddle her.

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

Brooke’s heart almost flatlined as Vanessa spoke, her face still wearing the tiniest cocky smile that Brooke so badly wanted to kiss off of her. “It’s kinda hard to try an’ be friends with you when I know what you look like with no clothes on.”

Brooke tried her best to keep her voice level. “Well, it’s also kind of hard to try and be friends with you when you’re flirting with me.”

“It’s also hard to be friends with you when I know what your kinks are…” Vanessa brought her arms around Brooke’s neck and barely concealed a smile as she bucked her hips ever so slightly. “…Mami.”

Brooke felt the tiniest hiss escape her lips, glad it wasn’t the fuck that had immediately popped into her head.

“It’s kind of hard to be friends with you when you’re riding my thigh…or when you’re coming on to me like this,” Brooke replied, keeping one hand firmly on the side of the hot tub and the other wrapped around the glass bottle in her hand so tight she thought it would smash.

“Coming on to you?” Vanessa suddenly tipped her head back and laughed, Brooke immediately realising what she’d said. “That can be arranged, you want face, tongue or fingers?”

“Fuck’s sake, Vanessa,” Brooke laughed softly, letting one of her hands drop down under the water and rest against Vanessa’s thigh. As Brooke’s thumb rubbed at her skin softly, she tried to reason with herself. Just because she was stroking Vanessa’s skin, and had her on top of her, and was basically talking dirty to her, didn’t mean that anything was actually going to happen.

“I know you miss me, Brooke,” Vanessa said, her tone matter-of-fact as she straightened up a little in Brooke’s lap, Brooke eyeing the way her breasts were pushed up.

Brooke had to think carefully about her response. She knew she’d hurt Vanessa, so she had to keep things light. “I mean, it kind of looks like you miss me, baby.”

Oh fuck, that pet name was a mistake. Vanessa’s smile was sultry as she pushed one of her hands into Brooke’s hair. “Me? Nah, I’m just doin’ this because it’s fun. Monique’s treatin’ me very well.”

Jesus fucking Christ, Vanessa knew how to hit Brooke where it hurt. Brooke pursed her lips. She wanted to fight dirty, she would give as good as she got. “And that’s why you’re cheating on her?”

Vanessa burst out laughing. “Oh, bitch, please! Me and her aren’t exclusive! We ain’t even a thing! She vents to me about her ex, I vent to her about you, and then we fuck away our frustrations!”

A part of Brooke’s heart soared up into the black sky like a helium balloon. She didn’t think she’d shown her relief on her face until Vanessa gave a laugh. “So. You ain’t denied it.”

“Denied what?”

“That you miss me,” she shrugged, giving a little look down at Brooke’s hands on her thighs. Brooke couldn’t pinpoint when she’d brought the other one down under the water but apparently she had done. Her throat was dry as she considered her response. Before she could get there, Vanessa threw her mind into chaos as she brought her hands back behind her head, fidgeted for a moment, then suddenly threw her bikini top across the decking. As Brooke’s gaze flicked down to Vanessa’s full breasts, the other girl brought one finger up and tilted her chin up to face her. The heat between Brooke’s legs was unbearable, and she felt her paper-thin resolve rapidly melting away. Vanessa smirked. “You wanna kiss me so bad right now, don’t you? Like you kissed me earlier. You can’t even stay away.“

Vanessa seemed to edge closer to Brooke, although they were already so close that seemed an impossible feat. Brooke raised an eyebrow. “See, I feel like if Monique fucked you as good as you say she does, you wouldn’t be in my lap right now.”

Vanessa blinked slowly, mockingly. “Oh, baby. You don’t want to know the things I let her do to me.”

Brooke bristled. The tension between them and Vanessa’s teasing was getting her riled. “You’re right, I don’t.”

“Aww. You jealous, baby?” Vanessa pouted. This was going to drive Brooke insane. Her mind constantly swung between this being a bad idea and a good idea, and she had no idea which it would settle on.

Brooke locked eyes with Vanessa, the other girl’s gaze a challenge. “No.”

“You sure? You seemed jealous when I kissed Scarlet earlier, I saw your face.”

“I don’t get jealous,” Brooke repeated, holding her gaze with Vanessa. Their faces weren’t too close but their bodies were, and Brooke felt as if she was a ticking time bomb.

“So you ain’t jealous of Monique?” Vanessa murmured inquisitively. Brooke shook her head, now unable to tear her gaze away from her lips which had felt so perfect against her own earlier. “You ain’t jealous of the fact she gets to ride my face and get my pretty lil’ tongue working her clit? You ain’t jealous of the fact that it’s her name I’m crying out when I cum on her fingers? You ain’t-”

Frustrated, tense, and out of willpower, Brooke let out a low growl as she finally brought her hands up to Vanessa’s jaw and crashed their lips together, kissing her wildly and deeply and running her hands over every inch of Vanessa’s skin she was able to touch. She didn’t even care that she’d proven Vanessa right, because she had missed this, missed her, missed the way they just seemed to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and dear sweet fucking Jesus she’d been an idiot to give up this sex. Brooke whined needily as she felt Vanessa pull away, the other girl laughing against her lips.

“You don’t kiss like a girl who ain’t jealous,” Vanessa tutted, a satisfied smirk on her face. "Or one that don’t miss me.”

Brooke ran her hands up and down her back and pouted. “Shut up.”

“Hmm. That ain’t no way to talk to me if you’re planning on getting what you want, lil’ brat,” Vanessa raised her eyebrows, bringing one of her hands down to rub at Brooke’s hipbone. Brooke let out a whimper and bucked her hips. She needed Vanessa so badly, and her words were only making things worse. Or better.

“Fuck, please, Vanessa, shit,” Brooke hissed, not caring about how pathetic and needy she looked now as she brought one of her hands up and rubbed a thumb over one of Vanessa’s nipples. Brooke felt her clit throb as Vanessa gave a little hum of delight at the contact. Her fingers had only been there for a second before Vanessa grabbed her wrist and held it down under the water, the sudden force causing Brooke’s eyes to grow wide.

“You broke my fuckin’ heart an’ now you really think I’m gonna make it that easy for you?” she barked a laugh, a guilty twinge tugging at Brooke’s rapid heart. “Fuck that. I want to hear you beg me to fuck you. You’re gonna have to work for me, baby. Shit’s on my terms.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, I really don’t give a shit how desperate I sound,” Brooke sighed, the shock of the prospect of Vanessa changing her mind about all this lighting a fire in Brooke. “Please, please, please, please, baby, I’m sorry, I’ll do anything you want, just fucking touch me, please-”

Brooke cut herself off with her own moan as Vanessa ran a hand down her body and lightly pressed two fingers against her, rubbing gently and making Brooke want to sob.

“Good girl,” Vanessa purred, Brooke writhing underneath her and completely past the point of thinking about any of the consequences of any of this. “You miss me, don’t you?”

“Fuck, so much.”

“You been missin’ this?”

“Shit yes, so much.”

Vanessa’s eyes were dark as Brooke looked up at her. “Nobody’s gonna fuck you like me, are they?”

Brooke’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head, thinking that at this point if Vanessa asked her to get married she probably would’ve booked the damn venue. “No, only you, baby, fuck.”

“Mm, such a good girl,” Vanessa smirked, Brooke’s clit giving a spasm as she thought now was really not the time to realise she had a praise kink. “I don’t know, though. You seemed pretty sure you wouldn’t miss me when you ended things.”

“I do miss you, 'Ness, I promise, I’m sorry, I’ll beg on my knees if you want me to, I don’t give a fuck, you’ve been driving me crazy all night…so fucking perfect, shit…"

"Mm…you would look so pretty on your knees,” Vanessa leaned in and murmured into Brooke’s ear, pressing the lightest little kiss to her neck and almost sending Brooke over the edge before anything had even happened yet.

“I’ll do whatever you want, baby, fuck, I want you to feel like you’re the most gorgeous fucking goddess in the world,” Brooke gasped as Vanessa brought her other hand down to touch herself, the sight of her working Brooke and herself into a frenzy the hottest thing she’d seen in months. Her mind short-circuited, and she struggled to know if anything she said made any sense. “Jesus Christ, Vanessa, please fuck me, I can’t take much more-"

Pride glinted in Vanessa’s eyes before she leaned in and kissed Brooke, hot and wet with her fingers still rubbing and teasing her through the material. Pulling away, she motioned to the decking around the hot tub. “Lie back then, baby.”

As Brooke almost drove her face into the decking in her haste to scramble out of the hot tub she ignored the little voice in the back of her head that told her everything about this was a bad idea, and instead focused on the one that screamed it was the best decision she’d made in months.s

When You Know

Potter was up to something. Sure, that sounds rich coming from me, but I knew it. And I was right you know, so you can just stop laughing at me. He took to sneaking out of his own blasted house every blasted night, then acted like nothing happened the next day. 

Okay, no, I didn't actually have the right to complain. I was a guest in his house; it's not like we're anything more than friends - and even that would have been pushing it. But it irked me.

He doesn't trust me, after all this time. After working together for years. 

Of course, knowing Potter, I thought to myself ‘he's probably just feeding homeless puppies or nursing sick children.’ Orphans, I mean… Unless random people let him into their homes to- 

Fuck me, they probably do. Bloody saint.

Or, you know, maybe he was fucking someone. I didn't like to think about it, but it was a definite possibility. He's a man, after all… A virile... fit man. And there I was, cramping his style. Encroaching on his territory. It could have been something he did on a regular basis, for all I knew. But then, why not tell me?

Whatever. It's fine. It's not like I wanted anything from him. Potter offered to let me stay with him while my flat was being renovated. I certainly wasn't hoping to use the opportunity to get an eyeful of Potter in his natural habitat. It's not like I'm so bloody frustrated with how dense he is that I've taken to wanking in the loo during my lunch break after he looks at me for too long, with his intense green eyes and his long, dark lashes. That darkening of his cheeks, implying that he knows just what he's doing to my skin, to my cock. 

No, I did not break my plumbing just for such an opportunity. I don't want my flat to smell like the toilet at a skeezy club, thank you. 

But any thoughts I could have entertained about taking full advantage of the opportunity I wasn't looking for flew right out the window when he fucking disappeared that first night. It's been two weeks now, and he's still doing it every other night or so. He waits till he thinks I'm asleep, then leaves. Through the front door, like some Muggle. Yesterday, I watched him walk down Grimmauld Place like he didn't know how to Apparate or Floo… It makes no sense. 

Tonight, though, I was ready. I found Potter’s Invisibility Cloak last night and stashed it in the bedroom he lent me. All I had to do was follow him. Assuming he wouldn’t Apparate from farther away - which would be ridiculous, frankly - finding out what was going on should have been a piece of cake. 

He didn’t Apparate, the wanker. He kept walking. Fucking prat. I am not in shape for something like that, even with Auror training and frequent casework. We don't go gallivanting through Muggle London, for fuck’s sake. We Apparate to the necessary sites and back. We throw spells and curses, not punches. The most active we get is dodging enemy fire, and that generally consists of a handy Pprotego or two. 

After at least a mile, maybe two, we entered a shopping district, houses and gardens giving way to shops with little flats above them - all closed by now. And Potter kept walking. I was thankful for the Invisibility Cloak at that point. I'm sure I looked positively frightful, never mind that the Ccloak likely didn’t help matters. I shudder to think of the state of my hair under that thing… 

We passed a Tesco, then a darkened petrol station, and a plethora of other shops before Potter slowed, finally stopping outside of a brightly lit picture window. Inside, a group of equally bright patrons were laughing heartily, shoving at each other and tossing their heads back with it. A small smile spread on Potter’s face and widened when one of the group caught sight of him and waved him into what appeared to be an all night café. 

“What took you so long, Potter?” the waver demanded when we approached the table, standing to embrace him. 

It took me a moment to realise that I had no idea whether this was a man or a woman… They wore a loose, sleeveless shirt and sagging jeansdenims, showing off lightly muscled arms as well as numerous tattoos and the worn waistband of faded boxers. Their hair was cut short on the sides but a bit longer on top, and a streak of blue trailed from the center of their cowlick to a flourish in the front, just above their brow. 

Around the table, the others were rising to greet Potter with varying degrees of warmth and excitement, but all seemed genuinely pleased to see him. When he sat, a slim man with long sleeves that seemed to be unattached to anything promptly dropped himself into Potter’s lap, winding long arms around his neck, and tossed his head as if to remove an annoying strand of hair from his face - which was absurd since every single sandy lock he had was plastered to his scalp - and then laid his head on Potter’s shoulder and simpered. 

“I was beginning to think you wouldn't come,” he whinged. 

“Why wouldn't I come?” Potter laughed, bringing a hand up to rub at the man's back, and I cringed. “It's Thursday, isn't it? I always come on Thursday.”

“Unless you're out of town…” the man pouted. 

“Unless I'm out of town,” Potter conceded. 

Was that the kind of man he wanted? Someone who jumped up when he entered the room? Who curled into him like a puppy? Who cared if he was gone and catered to his ego? Well, I would never be that man. Could never be that man. I've given myself up before and I'll never do it again. 

Not that I even want to, of course. I don't want to keep Potter; I just want to fuck him. Stifling a groan of abject disgust, I began to round the table, looking closely at each member of this odd little group. They all looked like some kind of exotic bird or animal, with bright coloured clothes and hair, synthetic jewelry and makeup. Was anything about them real? 

“So, Harry,” a woman with feathers hanging from the thick cords of her hair and what appeared to be a bed sheet wrapped around her chest began, leaning closer and setting an oversized coffee mug on the table. “How's the flatmate situation going?” 

I froze halfway around the table, pausing in my examination of a dark man with bright red hair. Shit. My eyes flew to Potter, whose face was screwed up in frustration. 

“It's still shit,” he complained, and the man in his lap tightened his hold. “He's just… He's always there, you know? And I can't do anything about it.”

“You could make him go away,” the man pouted. 

“Quiet Marcus,” red hair admonished in a startling baritone. I’m not ashamed to admit I jumped a little. “Harry, why don't you just talk to him?”

“No! No, I- I really don't think that's a good idea.” Potter looked nervous, his arms coming up to encircle ‘Marcus,’ much to the man's obvious delight. Potter didn’t seem to notice though, and snorted. “We have a history, I’ve told you. He’d sooner he-er hit me than- just… no.”

Hit him? That was a bit harsh. I mean, does Potter think we’re still in Hogwarts? Clearly, I’d hex him, right? Right?

Oh…

Fucking hell! He’s confiding in Muggles about how he wants to have me out? Well, shit. Merlin, he wants to bring his little boyfriend home after all, doesn’t he? Fine. Fine! If he wants me gone, I’m gone.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish packing.

-

I cringed when the café door crashed closed and my friends looked around nervously. 

“What was that?” Marcus demanded, clearly spooked. 

“Just the wind,” Trevor scoffed in that sultry tone of his, red curls glinting in the bright lights of the café. 

“There's not been any wind all night,” Sarah countered. Marcus climbed out of my lap - no, I wasn't dating him. Draco's an arse, Marcus wasn't remotely my type - and settled himself at her side. Sarah and Marcus, though, they were like a pair of children; easily spooked and liable to feed off each other in situations like that. I always wondered what they'd do if they knew vampires and werewolves and ghosts were real? 

But that wasn't what slammed the door, nor was it the wind. Just a nosy wizard with a hot temper and my bloody Invisibility Cloak. The conversation waiting for me at home would not be a pleasant one. I could get a head start, go back before Draco had a chance to work himself into a right strop, but… well, he’d followed me into Muggle London, hadn’t he? I could let him stew for a while.

So I turned back to my friends and settled into a night of gossip and philosophy, same as usual - I went to that café as often as I could when I wasn’t away on a mission. And it was a lovely evening, as they usually were. Still, when it was over and everyone had given me a hug or an air kiss, I slipped into a nearby alley and Apparated home rather than taking my customary walk. I’m not heartless.

And you know what he did? He switched on every bleeding light in the house! I had to search into every room leading up to his bedroom. And where else would he be? It wasn't as if he spent his time at Grimmauld Place anywhere else. Although, finding him on the floor in a pile of his own clothing and bedding while shouting at the fireplace was a bit of a surprise. As was the face watching him nervously from within the flickering emerald flames. 

“-him, you wretch! You know as well as I that he-” 

“Everything okay, Hermione?” I interrupted as calmly as I could manage. It didn't matter how crazy I was about the prickly bastard, no one talks to Hermione that way. 

“Oh, Harry!” Heaving a relieved sigh, Hermione’s face cleared even as Draco's shoulders stiffened. “The alarm on your secondary wards sounded and Draco was the only one here. He said nothing happened, but-” 

“Sod off, Granger,” Draco ordered, sulking in his makeshift nest in front of the fire. 

“But,” she said again, louder, and crossed her arms over her paisley dressing gown. “He's clearly upset.”

Now, that took me off guard. I glanced back to Draco, who still hadn't turned to face me, taking in his drawn shoulders and trembling edges. One real thought settled in my mind in that moment: Well fuck. 

I cleared my throat and turned back to the fire. “Thank you, Hermione. I'll take care of it.”

“Yes, well,” she sniffed, her gaze sliding back to Draco for a moment, concern in her shadowy eyes. “See that you do.”

When she was gone, though, I still stood there, unsure what to do next. Silence stretched for long minutes before Draco finally drew a ragged breath and turned where he sat. He didn't look at me so much as he looked at a spot just to my side, but he spoke and the words sent the air whooshing from my lungs. I don't know where it went, I didn't leave my mouth or nose, there was no sound, but I felt like I was drowning. 

“I'm just sorting my things. I'll be gone by tomorrow, noon.” His voice carried that posh drawl I hated so much in school, the one that was endlessly distracting when he used it at the Ministry but, used now, said he was drawing a distinct line between us before he even left. 

Of course, I was being ridiculous. All I had of him was a hope, he wasn't mine. He could leave if he wanted to. So I swallowed once, twice to clear my throat, then nodded. 

“Okay. You- you've found somewhere else to stay until your flat is-” 

“I'll go to the Manor,” he interrupted, turning back to the pile around him. “I don't want to burden you any further.”

“He's clearly upset.” Hermione’s words echoed in my head. 

Without giving myself time to think, I stepped further into the room. “You aren't a burden. Listen, Draco- you don't have to go, can't we talk about this?” 

“I think you've said enough tonight,” Draco sniffed.

“What?” 

“Is that what you do?” His head snapped back, his raging storm clouds swirling around the dark centre as he glared at me, waiting for an answer I didn't have. 

“What are you talking about, Draco?” 

“When you disappear every night! You sneak away to complain about me to your Muggle fanclub? You didn't have to bring me here! I could have gone to the Manor and -” 

“This is about my friends?” Somehow, Draco was standing and I think I was shouting. “Draco, I've gone out to visit them for years, it has nothing to do with you!” 

“That's not how it sounded. ‘He's always there!’” he mimicked, whinging to exaggerate the annoyance I never used. “But it's okay, Potter. You can make me go away. See? I'm going!”

My mind was reeling, I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open, and all I could do was stare while he flicked his wand to send his clothes soaring into the open trunk at the foot of his bed. 

“Not to worry. You'll have your home free to bring your little boy toy round again before you know it.”

That was the final straw. With my clenching fist, his trunk snapped closed, startling Draco into silence. He spun around to face me again, challenge still shining in his eyes. 

“You think Marcus is what I want? A pathetic, clinging child?” My voice was low and my strides even as I crossed the room to stand before Draco, glowering. “I'd be bored senseless within a week, you git.”

Draco swallowed, nervous even as he lifted his chin defiantly, the brightness in his eyes dimming to confusion. And I reveled in it. 

“You thought I was complaining because I don't want you here? Come now, Draco. You're smarter than that.” Ducking my head, I trailed my lips down the long line of his neck, hoping against hope he wouldn't push me away. 

But he sighed, dropping his head back as his hands scrambled to find purchase in the waist of my jumper. I closed my teeth over his pulse point briefly, dragging the across the skin as it vibrated with his groan. 

“I was complaining because you're so bloody close and I couldn't touch you,” I growled, tracing the shell of his ear with my tongue, my hands growing stiff at my sides from keeping them to myself. “Don't go, Draco. Stay. Let me touch you…”

“Fuck,” he sighed, draping one long arm over my shoulders. “Fuck, yes. Touch me.”

-

“Harry?” 

Jolting, Harry shook his head to clear his thoughts before turning back to the precocious ten-year-old opposite him in the basement kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. “Sorry, where was I?” 

“Draco said you were complaining about him to your friends. Were you?” Teddy watched him expectantly, his teal hair wild about his face and jam sticking to his top lip.

“Sort of,” Harry chuckled. “I had a bit of a crush on him and it was difficult, living with him without telling him about it. Anyway, I told him he'd misunderstood and that he was the bloke I fancied, not Marcus, and the rest is history.”

The gentle sway of his body suggested Teddy was swinging his slipper-clad feet beneath the table as he munched thoughtfully on his toast. Harry sipped his coffee, waiting for the verdict. 

At long last, Teddy shrugged. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Harry asked hesitantly. 

“You can marry him. Can I see the ring?” 

Grinning, Harry dug the small velvet box from his pocket and gestured for Teddy to come around the table. “Have to be quick, he'll be up any minute.”

heaven help the fool who falls in love (parrlyn) (2)

1

Anne came to slowly. At first, she was only aware of the fact that she felt comfortable and safe, warm in the early morning light. Gradually, she realised that her surroundings weren’t the ones that she was familiar — this wasn’t the room that she had grown accustomed to waking up in.

All it took was a quick glance to her side to realise that she was in Parr’s bed, the other girl sleeping peacefully next to her. With the early morning light streaming in through the window, it suddenly struck Anne, and not for the first time, just how beautiful Catherine Parr was.

The pale morning sun covered her face in dappled shades of pink and orange, and Anne felt her heart leap in her chest.

It also didn’t escape her notice how close the two of them were; Parr’s legs were tangled up with her own, to the point where she couldn’t separate herself without waking up the other girl, and Anne was practically spooning Cathy.

Anne wanted to roll away, shocked by the feeling of contentment in her chest. She had realised for a while now that she had feelings for Catherine, but she had been hoping that she could live in denial for a little while longer at the very least. Instead, the world seemed to be against her, as normal, and had thrust her into this situation.

She couldn’t bear to tear herself away from the other girl, for both selfish and selfless reasons: there was a forbidden sense of satisfaction that she gained from being like this with Parr, but she also couldn’t stand the idea of disturbing her sleep.

Cathy was also taking care of people, but Boleyn knew that the other girl had her own issues. Henry had traumatised her just as much as he had the rest of them, regardless of whether or not she had outlived him. Besides that, Catherine had been married twice back then before Henry just to survive in that vicious world.

Parr spent so much time focused on making sure that the others, including Boleyn herself, were alright that she forgot to take care of herself. Thanks to their growing closeness, Anne was privy to the way that Parr kept herself up for far too long, reading and writing into the early hours of the morning. In fact, Anne was surprised that the other girl was even asleep at this time.

It always shocked Anne, despite her internal acknowledgment of her own feelings, just how comfortable and serene she felt around Parr. Sure, she was close with the others, but there was this connection between her and Cathy that meant that Anne always felt a kind of calm around her, like she could be herself without boundaries and fear.

The house was quiet, and, apart from the sound of birds outside the window, the world seemed to be too. It was like there was only Cathy and Anne, and she wouldn’t want it any other way. But she felt a sort of guilt for enjoying the moment.

She knew that there was no way that Cathy felt the same way about her, and that it was wrong to revel in this moment when the other girl was asleep. Still, Anne couldn’t bring herself to extract herself from the pretzel created out of her legs, Cathy’s and the duvet.

Suddenly, she felt Cathy begin to stir, and Anne internally freaked the fuck out. She didn’t want Cathy to react badly to this situation, despite the fact that sharing a bed was inevitably going to lead to this.

The other girl began to wake up, and Anne slid her eyes shut and tried to keep her breathing even so that Parr might think that she was still asleep. She felt Cathy startle when she realised how close they were, before the other girl extracted herself from the bed and from Anne’s embrace, with Boleyn hearing Cathy pad softly to the door and leave the room.

She listened to the door close with a click, before sighing and opening her eyes once more, dropping her façade of sleep.

Anne wasn’t sure if she could stand the silence of Cathy’s bedroom without the other girl, but it would be far too suspect for her to go downstairs to the kitchen now. Instead, she settled for scrolling mindlessly through her phone for a while, wasting time until she could feasibly fake just waking up.

Right when she was about to set her phone down and head downstairs to the kitchen for some breakfast, the door creaked open softly. Cathy poked her head in, as if she was checking on Boleyn. Anne stared at the other girl, unconsciously flushing.

‘I, uh, brought you some breakfast.’ Cathy stammered slightly as she opened the door wider to reveal that she was carrying a tray laden with a plate of toast, a cup of coffee, some orange juice and one of Aragon’s yogurts that she didn’t let anyone else touch.

‘Did you seriously steal one of Aragon’s yogurts for me?’ Was Anne’s first question, for some reason, likely due to her internal panic. All systems were failing and alarms were blaring, but Anne faked calm.

Cathy laughed, a soft, slightly self-conscious noise that had Anne going through heart palpitations. ‘I know how much you love them. Plus, I thought annoying her would be your aim anyway, so really I just fulfilled your mission in your absence.’

Anne nodded, laughing slightly at the other girl’s reason. ‘You know me so well,’ she joked, but immediately felt her cheeks flush with a scarlet blush. Parr ducked her head as she nodded, passing the tray to Anne, who was still sat on the bed. ‘You know you didn’t have to do this for me, right?’ She said in as soft a voice as she could manage.

Parr shrugged. ‘I know last night you slept better than normal, but I wanted to make sure that you really knew that I’m there for you no matter what. This is a token, Anne.’ Boleyn felt a wave of guilt when she remembered how she faked sleep earlier that morning, but smiled in thanks anyway.

Truthfully, Parr’s actions both warmed her heart and confused her at the same time. It was sweet how caring she was, and how much effort she put into everyone else, and it honestly just endeared Anne further to the other girl. But, on the other hand, she didn’t understand why Cathy would dedicate so much effort and time to her of all people. Anne certainly didn’t deserve it.

Rather than express any of that, Anne simply accepted the tray and held out a slice of toast in offering. ‘Everything is better shared, right?’ She smiled slightly, and felt a spark of joy in her chest when Cathy laughed, and sat beside her.

‘That really wasn’t the point, Anne.’

‘Oh, shut up and eat some toast, Cathy.’

Silence passed between them before Anne broke it. ‘So, tell me honestly. How many nightmares did you have about that film last night?’

‘At least ten million, I hate you for making us watch that.’

--

’Do you guys want to go out today or something?’ Anne whined. It was a Saturday morning and she felt like they hadn’t done anything together for ages.

The rest of the Queens looked at each other and shrugged.

’I mean, I’m up for it.’ Aragon said. ‘But someone else needs to come because if it’s just me and Anne, there will be a murder.’

’I would totally win, for the record.’

’Boleyn, you would literally just flail the whole time, like you usually do. Aragon would smoke your ass.’ Cleves snorted, and Anne pouted at her.

’I dunno, I wouldn’t bet against Anne.’ Howard mused, accepting the high five Anne enthusiastically gave in response almost absent-mindedly. ‘She would tired Aragon out with her never-ending energy. Plus, she runs really fast — Aragon would have to catch her first.’

Rather pettily, Anne stuck her tongue out at Aragon in victory, but flinched back when the other girl glared at her.

Jane rolled her eyes. ‘I’ll come too. You guys need someone to babysit.’

Anne literally clapped her hands with glee, ignoring some of the incredulous looks that she earned from the other queens. ‘Great! Anna? Kitty?’

The two queens looked at each other before turning back to Boleyn and shaking their heads in unison. ‘Nah, I think that were are just going to stay in. Kitty wants to watch this new Netflix show and I promised that I would watch it with her.’ Anna explained.

Anne shrugged. ‘Your loss. Seymour, Aragon, and me then. Parr?’ She turned to the last queen, who had been rather silent this whole time. Truthfully, Anne was really hoping that Cathy would decide to come — she didn’t want to spend the whole day third wheeling Aragon and Seymour.

’Sure, I’ll come. I think we need to go food shopping anyway.’ Cathy said, shrugging indifferently.

’Ugh, you guys make everything so boring. This wasn’t supposed to be a Tesco’s trip.’ Anne rolled her eyes, but was obviously joking.

’Someone around her has to be responsible,’ Aragon snarked, frowning at Boleyn.

Cathy rolled her eyes now. ‘Leave Anne alone, she was joking.’ She defended, flushing slightly when Aragon turned her withering glare against her in turn.

’Can we just go before war is declared?’ Jane said, rubbing her temples. ‘We’ll go to Tesco’s and then we’ll see what happens.

Anne pouted but got to her feet. It wasn’t exactly how she planned to spend the day, but if she got to do it with Parr, it would surely be better than otherwise.

--

Things had already gone wrong, practically from the moment that they entered the supermarket. Honestly, it was Anne’s own fault.

Jane had warned her almost constantly as they approached Tesco’s that she had to behave well, but rather than heed Seymour’s wise advice, she elected to hop inside a trolley at her first opportunity, careening forward with the momentum of her initial jump.

Before she could crash into a display or another person, Cathy grabbed the handle of the trolley. ‘Jane, you and Aragon go look in the first half of the aisles. Ane and I will handle the other half.’

Jane and Aragon exchanged unreadable looks before nodding and walking off. It was now just Anne and Cathy, and she suddenly felt her palms begin to sweat.

’Where to first, boss? I’m in your hands.’ Anne tried for a cheeky grin to cover how senselessly nervous she was around Parr. The other girl rolled her eyes fondly before carting Anne off in the other direction.

Despite their initial attempts to focus on the task at hand — granted, Anne’s efforts had never been dedicated ones — they quickly got off task. ‘Bet you that you can’t push me from one end of the supermarket to the other.’ Anne challenged the other girl, who’s eyes sparked with the prospect of a competition.

’I’ll totally be able to do it.’ Parr scoffed, before dragging Anne to the proverbial starting line. Parr took a readying breath before shoving the trolley forward and leaping on the back of it.

All that was audible was their cackling and screams as they streaked through the aisle, crashing violently into the shelves at the end. Parr fell off the back of the trolley whilst Anne was slightly dazed and bruised even inside the metal cart.

It only took one look between them for both of them to burst out into laughter, endlessly amused by their own idiocy. However, once Anne had managed to sober, she found herself looking at Cathy again.

Somehow, even sprawled across the linoleum floor of their local Tesco’s, the other girl managed to radiate beauty in a way that truly astounded Anne. Her emotions felt electric, buzzing in her chest so that she couldn’t ignore or dismiss them anymore, ending any chance of her being able to shove these feelings down again.

Aragon’s yell started her out of her entranced stupor, snapping her head in the direction of the sound.

’I guess they know that it was us, then.’ Boleyn tried for a sheepish smile, but she was still shaken slightly.

Cathy laughed, and got to her feet. ‘Just deny, deny, deny, Annie.’

For once, and likely because of the way that it sounded falling from Cathy lips, Anne didn't protest at the sound of the nickname.

--

Anne Boleyn wasn’t stupid, no matter what certain people thought and argued. She could tell when the others were keeping things from her. The sly looks and careful whispers were far too familiar from her time at court.

’So, Jane-y.’ She began, a sugary sweet smile on her face.

’Don’t call me that, but go on?’ The other queen replied, even as she focused on the brownie batter that she was mixing.

’Care to let me in on what y’all have been whispering and conniving about behind my back?’ Anne had to try tremendously hard to not let both mischief and hurt slip into her voice, instead keeping it light and casual.

Nonetheless, Jane froze, her expression professing all the guilt that Anne needed. ‘Look, it’s nothing. Not worth talking about.’

’Y’all are some shady bitches. Howard will tell me.’ Anne said, half-joking and half-sincere. Life at Henry’s court had led to her getting stabbed rather thoroughly in the back, and then chopped rather efficiently through her neck, thanks to Henry taking ‘mercy’ on her, and assigning a skillful executioner equipped with a sword rather than an axe — how decent of him.

Jane turned to face her then. ‘Look, you can ask Howard if you want, but I promise that it’s nothing bad. You know we wouldn’t do that to you.’

Anne considered her words before nodding and silently walking away. That was the calmest she had ever acted in such a situation, and she hoped that it successfully showed how annoyed she was about it. These were people that she trusted, and Anne didn’t want to have to worry about what was being said behind her back in her own home.

’Kitty!’ She called in a sing-song tone as she opened her cousin’s bedroom door. Howard and Anne had never been close back in the day, but now things were far better between them. Even back then, Anne had never wanted Katherine to marry Henry — not because she had been married to him, but because he was a literal monster, and Howard, no matter what Anne thought of her back then, didn’t deserve that. No one did.

Howard looked up when she heard Anne’s voice. Warily, she asked, ‘what’s going on?’

’You guys are talking about something behind my back.’ Kitty’s face immediately went as white as a sheet, but Anne pressed on. ‘Tell me what it’s about.’

Any threat that Anne would make against Howard would be totally empty but the other girl didn’t have to know that, which was the whole point.

’I’m not sure?’ Kitty lied, rather obviously, before shaking her head. ‘Okay, I do, but it isn’t bad.’

Anne frowned. ‘What is it then?’

’Just that you obviously like Parr, which is chill, obviously, but, yeah.’ Her cousin floundered for a second before tailing off quietly, whilst Anne felt her heart almost beat out of her body.

Of course the others had realised. She knew that she wasn’t subtle, but had hoped that heteronormativity would prevail and ensure that she would make it through. Instead, it appeared that the world still had it out for her.

’Does Cathy know?’ She breathed out, imploring her cousin.

As soon as the question had entered her mind, Anne felt her heart face with nerves. She couldn’t know, that would ruin everything. Thankfully, though, Howard shook her head vehemently.

’No, no, no, Cathy is almost as oblivious as you.’

’What’s that supposed to mean?’

Howard instantly paled and shook her head. ‘Nothin!’ She squeaked out, before darting from the room. ‘Bye, Annie!’ Anne was left with a racing heart, a head full of questions, and doubt whirling in her stomach until she felt nauseous at even the thought of Cathy knowing about her one-sided feelings for her.

Safiya Choudhry’s Week 1 (Photography Task)

In this task I have been asked to talk about my local area and area I visit to create a photo story which I will be explaining themes such as what in your local area is positive, a challenge, the solutions, unique, home, heritage/ history, environmental, gentrification and homelessness.

Number One:

Public Transport Cut Short

By Safiya Choudhry

I just wanted to highlight that one of the biggest problems that have had an effect on London is that trains and buses that take so long to arrive. People are using other methods such as driving or getting a cab such as Uber which has recently risen massively. Company’s such as TFL need to deliver more frequent service as there is a shocking rise in air pollution. The service needs to listen to their customers and become more reliable. The numbers of delays and transport that will just need to be coming more often. Also, they are very busy and some bus driver just have been driving past the station. Their need to be new designs that allow more passager on at one time and more services at different timing instead of 3 of the same buses coming at a time when their not needed.

Furthermore, I think there should be some more fast trains that let people go to a popular station faster such as Bond Street station at peak times. Also their need to be some sort of arrangement that beneficial of days such as when it snows. Their also a problem with how noisy the trains are and there should be something that can prevent the noises such as noise proof trains or free earplugs that comes when purchasing an oyster. Public transport has become very hard to use and expensive which has resulted to cut downs as many people are fed up and are using an alternative route which is harmful to the environment.

Number 2:

Famous Blameless 

By Safiya Choudhry

Who could blame anyone that visits London? It has such nice views and location which are very Famous for being built such as the London Eye and Big Ben. I am so lucky as in my area it is less than an hour to get to these fantastic landmarks. Millions of people come on holiday to see these places and we live and see them whenever we like to. We as a community need to appreciate the landmarks and keep them clean and in good condition. Big Ben is under construction showing how we keep it up to date and keep it in the best form we can. The area is very busy and seen by a lot of people many tourists visit the area. I think to have famous landmarks help us as a country have something to be known for and have something to visit and be proud of where we live. London is so beautiful and diverse that it would be a shame if you haven’t seen it. The history behind the building are great and help you understand what the country about such as Buckingham Palace.

Number 3:

Construction suction 

By Safiya Choudhry

Everyone has been taken in from these amazing new building being build but are they all amazing as they seem? 

I have been living near construction for half my life now and there are benefits but sadly there are more negatives in my eyes. The amount of times I have been woken up by a drill or a construction vehicle is unbelievable. It's just horrible if you're a light sleeper like me. When I’m in a rush and need to take the shortcut I have to go around as their construction in order and I become late for everything. Thirdly walking past you always somehow to get something stuck in your eye. I have had to go to the hospital to get pieces of old building rubbish out of my eyes. I have seen with my own eyes that parks and tree have been destroyed to make flats!

To stop stuff like this happening and keep the benefits such as a better area in the future, we need to have more health and safety regulation and actually tell people what the risks are. This should be noticed at what time the noise is going to begin so that people can change their schedule so they are not woken up in fright. Lastly, there should be some of the path or an alternative easy route that should be sort about before blocking and cutting off the road. Everyone is getting sucked in by building but they don’t see that their better uses for money such as Nhs and should be more about the condition of the building than anything else such as making the highest building.

Number 4:

Chill with the Bill 

By Safiya Choudhry

My local area has millions of food and Retail shops. Theirs always something to do and it's easy to do it. Some people have to travel far to just get some breakfast. In my area, we have 24-hour shops such as Tesco that would never leave you hungry. Shops are always having sales and are great to grab your attention and get you to go inside. Shopping is one of my favorite things to do and a great way to relax and have some time to sort out your fashion and think of new recipes. No matter if your a chief or a fashion designer, shopping is for everyone. With the brilliant customer service, you will be pleased at the end of the day if you don’t go overboard. Many shops have boxes which help raise money for charity’s and have fair-trade sticker on stuff such as bananas. 

I think shopping is such a great thing to do no matter your age their a clothes or food shop for you and what better than having most of them close by. It's the best feeling after a long day. So if you have a lot of places you can chill by such as shops, having a good time but be careful as the amount your bill comes to might keep you freezing if you are not careful.

Contact Email: [email protected]

I Dare You To Stay: chapter 11

@dansyellowshirt I have a new chapter and it made me cRY writing it just ask my bff I gave myself FeelingsTM but enjoy everyone I queued this just for yall

Tags for chapter: angst, fluff, aphobia, internalized aphobia

Words for chapter: ~4.6k

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3!)

<– Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~

When Dan finally closed the door on his flat, it was nearing five in the morning. Jaime had tried to convince him to stay over because of Dan's high strung emotions as well as the fact that it was a ridiculous time in the morning and Dan hadn't had any sleep, but he had refused. After a teary "bye" and another bear hug, Dan had found himself walking down the pavement in the vague direction of his flat, head down, mind wandering.

By the time that his feet had brought him to the door of his apartment complex, he felt squeezed, as if he was being pushed into a mold that he couldn't fill.

Dan kicked off his shoes and left them haphazardly by the door as well as missing the hook on the wall for his jacket, but not even bothering to pick it up from the floor. He would probably end up tripping over his mess later and regret not fixing it, but he couldn't give a rat's ass at the moment.

He stripped himself of his clothes once he got to his bedroom and dragged a pair of pajama bottoms over his legs and a loose shirt with a wide cut that sometimes slipped over his collarbones, but was comfortable.

Dan resisted the urge to flop into his bed right then and there—he was exhausted—and kicked his dirty clothes out of the way as he walked back out of his bedroom. Dan might want to just curl up in a ball at cease to exist at the moment, but he would hate himself a lot more later if he didn't even try and perform some kind of personal hygiene. And brushing his teeth would go a long ways in the direction of un-fucking tomorrow morning. Or later this morning, actually.

He flicked on the light and just blinked a few times to adjust to the bright-as-hell fluorescent bulb he had for some godforsaken reason. When he looked in the mirror, however, he nearly dropped the toothbrush in his hand and couldn't help the gasp that escaped his lips. He was staring at his reflection, mouth open, eyes wide, and he could see the shock on his face, but he also wasn't paying much attention to it because his hair, jesus christ.

It wasn't like Jaime's hair, which was practically neon because her hair had been bleached while Dan's hadn't, but it didn't seem to matter as much as Jaime had thought, because it still looked good. His hair was curly due to not being given a chance to straighten it after Jaime had washed the dye out, but his normally brown curls were replaced by midnight-ish blue ones. Dan ran a hand through it, still in a bit of disbelief. When Jaime had finished with his hair, he hadn't looked in a mirror or asked for a picture. Instead, they had just rubbed a towel on Dan's hair to keep it from dripping and fell on the couch, where they talked and cried and laughed for a little bit. Dan stared at his reflection for a few moments, feeling time tick by with the beat of his heart.

Then, he laughed, the sound bubbling up from his throat as he tugged lightly at his curls. His blue curls. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally, but he was smiling ridiculously at his reflection and laughing; it didn't make too much sense to him.

"Maybe I'm finally losing it," he muttered, looking for the toothpaste in the cabinet that hung above his sink.

A few minutes later after removing the gross feeling of his mouth and playing with his hair a little more, Dan crawled into bed, the need to rest sinking deep into his bones. He rolled over and grabbed his phone on the nightstand where he had left it when he was getting dressed. Dan plugged it in, and when the screen lit up in its normal fashion whenever it was charging he couldn't help but see the several text notifications he had.

Frowning, Dan unlocked the phone and clicked on his messenger app, which promptly showed texts from Jaime and...Phil.

Biting his lip, Dan clicked on Jaime's name. Her text was short and sweet and completely to the point, but Dan still couldn't help the warm feeling that blossomed from his chest. He typed out a reply and sent it.

>>From: my maraschino cherry

i took u off the schedule for work later today

so dont worry abt coming to work kay? and

take some time out for yourself alright? u

deserve a break

>>To: my maraschino cherry

tysm jaime i'll make it up to u, promise

<333

Her little three bubbles popped up immediately, and he nearly started crying at her reply, that's how fragile he was at the moment.

>>From: my maraschino cherry

<333

Really. A typed out heart had no reason to pull at his heart so much. It wasn't fair.

Dan backed out of he and Jaime's text conversation, and he was confronted with Phil's waiting texts, blinking up at him seemingly angrily. His thumb hovered over the screen and Dan's heart was pounding in his ears. He tried to imagine what Phil had texted him, and how much he had apparently felt so strongly about it, for there were eleven texts from the one and only Phil Lester.

He's probably telling you that he doesn't want anything thing like that from you anymore, and how you're a fucking freak, idiot. What else would he or anyone else have to say?

Dan swallowed thickly and clicked the screen off, dropping the phone on his nightstand like it had burned him. He could deal with it tomorrow.

~~~~~

Dan slept fitfully, tossing and turning and barely being able to stay unconscious for an hour. His dreams weren't helping matters, either. He kept having nightmares over his ex-girlfriend, snarling at him in disgust after he had tried to explain it. He kept seeing that afternoon, Dan sitting on her bed, she standing over him, her mouth moving, her words booming from the walls, the ceiling, the floor, rattling inside Dan's eardrums and taking a sledgehammer to his heart. Except, her voice and face were Phil's. And then before Dan knew it it was Phil, telling him everything he had been trying to convince himself wasn't true since...well, since everyone he knew told him it was.

Freak.

Unnatural.

Confused.

After a handful of hours of the back and forth that he just couldn't stand anymore, Dan crawled out of bed at around noon, only a few hours of collective sleep in his system. He stumbled into his kitchen, his duvet bunched around his body. Dan grabbed the box of cereal he had on his counter and just shuffled into his tiny lounge, dropping himself onto the sofa immediately and sighing as he settled into his sofa crease. Dan flicked on Netflix and opened the box while he was waiting. He stuffed a fist-ful of dry cereal into his mouth as he flicked through his options. Thank god for reality TV, Dan thought as he selected some new Netflix original, and thank god for people with just as shitty lives as mine having a TV crew to record it.

Several hours and numerous episodes of his show later, there was a knock on his door.

Dan was curled up in a ball on his couch, his monochrome duvet still wrapped tight around his body like a cocoon. The box of Crunchy Nut had fallen to the floor close to an hour ago, and Dan didn't care. He hadn't even really eaten much of it anyways.

After a few seconds, the knock sounded again, just as insistent and obnoxiously loud as before. Damn, don't they know that some people are trying to mope, Dan humorlessly thought, craning his neck to look at his front door.

It returned, but this time it sounded as if whoever it was was using their fist to pound at the door. Dan groaned and cursed the inevitable determined-as-hell salesman at his door. He dragged himself to his feet and thought about shedding his duvet to keep the remaining shred of his dignity intact, but with the pounding having yet to stop, he threw the thought out the goddamn window. What the fuck did he have to lose?

The noise continued, refusing to let up even for a moment, and Dan once again wished that whoever was behind the door would go jump off a damn cliff.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming!" Dan shouted, wrapping his fingers around the doorknob after sliding back the lock and yanking the door open. His mouth was already open to lay into whoever it was, but he stopped dead in his tracks.

Phil was standing there, incredibly close to the doorframe, his hand still raised to continue trying to beat Dan's door in. His breathing was slightly irregular and his eyes were wide, hair in a complete disarray. Phil was in his Tesco employee uniform, but it was rumped as hell as if he was coming straight from one of his shifts.

"Dan," Phil breathed. He sounded so so relieved, but the relief was dripping with a thousand other emotions tangled together, and there was no way that Dan could try and pull them all apart.

Phil swallowed, and flicked his eyes over every inch of Dan—his eyes, his hair, his lips, his shoulders, his partially hidden legs, his feet, everywhere. Reflexively, Dan knew that his skin should be crawling, but the feeling never came, and Dan realized a second later that it was because Phil's gaze wasn't looking for anything like that. It wasn't that kind of hungry. It drank in the sight of Dan like he was never going to be able to again. And Dan didn't know how it made him feel.

"I need to talk to you." Phil said, finally snapping out of it and looking Dan in the eyes. He sounded desperate, and his blue blue eyes were pleading.

Dan's heart was pounding and he wanted to say no just as much as he wanted to say yes. He didn't trust his mouth, and for once he managed to keep it clamped shut. Last time he and Phil had been together and how he had just blurted it out was enough proof. So Dan just stepped back and let his front door swing open a fraction of a degree more than it had been a few seconds ago. Magically, a massive amount of tension melted off of Phil's shoulders and he stepped through the opening and into Dan's flat.

He closed the door, and at this point, Dan's anxiety was in full swing, starting to wreak havoc in his head. Dan just clutched his duvet tighter in his hands and let his shaky legs take him back into the lounge. He sat on the couch, and Phil sat himself down too, on the opposite side. Dan stared at the stitching in the fabric on his cushions, and he could feel Phil's gaze on him. They were both silent.

"If you're going to yell at me, just do it, please," Dan whispered. He didn't lift his eyes.

"Yell at you? Why would I ever?" Phil said immediately. He sounded appalled.

"Running out, kissing you, being, well, me," Dan said, his right hand emerging from his duvet to gesture to himself, "among others. I've certainly given you enough reasons, I'm sure."

Phil didn't say anything, and Dan just sank lower and lower in on himself.

"Dan I...where did you...why would you think I would yell at you?"

Dan shrugged.

"That's what everyone does." The when I tell them I'm asexual was left unsaid, but Dan had the feeling that Phil understood.

Dan was expecting virtually anything at that moment, but in normal Phil fashion, Phil surprised him.

"Dan, did you see my texts earlier?"

"No…?" Dan said, his confusion making him look up. Why the hell did a few texts matter right now? Phil didn't even meet his gaze, he was standing so fast, practically jumping off the couch and looking around.

"Where's your phone?"

"In my bedroom but why do you—Phil!"

Phil took off right down the hallway, looking left and right for Dan's bedroom and finding it, disappearing for a few seconds before re-emerging and marching straight to where Dan was still sitting. Phil shoved the phone towards Dan after he sat back down.

"Unlock it, please."

"Phil, I-"

"Dan, please."

Helpless to the desperation and unfacilitated emotion in Phil's voice, Dan robotically tapped in the five-digit passcode he had on his phone. It unlocked and Phil grabbed the phone back, tapping a few times in quick succession.

"Phil, what-"

Phil just pushed the phone right back into Dan's hands. On the screen, Phil's texts were pulled up. Once again, Dan tried to speak, but Phil just cut him off.

"Dan, read them, please for the love of god read the fucking texts." Eyes wide, Dan looked down at his phone.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

Dan please come back

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

Dan? Where are you? Are you safe? Please

tell me you're alright.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

Dan please I'm worried sick

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

It's really late right now, 3am actually, and

you left hours ago but damnit Dan I haven't

been able to focus on anything since you

left. I cant even sleep.

Im worried abt you and want nothing more

to talk to you right now but you arent answering

your texts and I cant even really blame you

you looked so scared when you blurted out

that you were asexual I wanted to cry FOR

you

And you being asexual is okay! Believe me, I

promise I have no prob with it, I would be a shitty

person if I did, and all of the people out there that

DO have a prob with it are shitty

But Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, I really wish you hadn't

run out on me, you know? oh, well I guess you

dont know, thats why you ran out huh...well

whenever you read this, you'll know

There is not one part of I, Philip Michael Lester,

that gives a shit if you are asexual. You are you

and to be frank I wouldnt have you any other way

than how I know you. Youre asexual. Okay. The

only thing that has changed is my level of

understanding of you bc now I just idk know more

abt you

Youre funny and sarcastic and cynical and insanely

kind even tho you have that big bad exterior and you

have a goddamn heart of gold Dan, and since things

are potentially already fucked between us, I'm just

gonna come right out and say it - I'm fucking head

over heels for you, Dan, every part of you, and YES

that means the asexual part of you too so dont even

try and let your head tell you otherwise

Like I said I've fallen so hard for you, okay? When we

kissed i stg it was like a daydream of mine coming true

right before my freaking eyes, Dan. Youre someone

truly incredible and goddamn i would love to be a part

of your life, as sex free as freaking possible in any way

you would have me.

This got really long and I hope youre not responding bc

youre sleeping but Dan please call me whenever you

read these okay? I dont want you to think that I could

hate you or anything bc of your sexuality bc that couldnt

be further from the truth

Dan looked up from the phone screen, and he could feel the streams of tears on his face. He hiccuped, and Phil had tears in his eyes as well, and such a pained look on his face.

"Can I hug you?" He asked, his voice tight. Dan nodded hurriedly, and Phil wasted no time, scooting forward and instantly wrapping his long arms right around Dan, pulling him into his lap. Dan started to sob, and Phil clung to him.

"I don't find you disgusting, or shameful, or wrong, or broken, or anything, Dan, anything but who you are. You're asexual and you're you and I would never, never, want you to be someone else. I'm so sorry you had to hide. I'm so sorry you got scared and I fucking hate whatever and whoever made you so terrified to be yourself." Phil said, sniffling himself. "Please believe me, Dan." Phil whispered. Dan nodded, his head pressed against Phil's shoulder. He wanted to say something, anything, but his mouth wasn't working and his brain had shut down and he was crying.

Phil held him as he cried, almost just like how Jaime had been holding him not too long ago. And when the tears stopped, Phil just continued to rub Dan's back. They didn't say anything, and part of Dan was grateful for that, but the other part of him wanted to try and tell Phil a thousand things at once. His brain was stuck like a broken record player, a mantra of Phil Phil Phil bouncing around his skull. He was wrong, wrong wrong wrong, Phil didn't hate him, he didn't.

And in that moment, Dan was reminded of the ghosts of his past. And he wanted to tell. He suddenly craved spilling it all out for Phil, leaving himself bare and open and pushing all of the secrets Dan has held inside of him for so long out in the open.

"It started with my ex."

Dan felt Phil shift his position underneath him but Phil didn't let go of Dan once. He took a deep breath and continued. "She and I had been friends, and we eventually started dating. It was nice, and she was great, real lovely and sweet and kind. We went on a few dates and held hands and kissed a few times—all that stuff. We started going steady, and seven months in and a few times of trying on her end, she convinced me to have sex with her." Dan said, starting to pick at a string on his duvet. "I did it mainly because I wanted to make her happy, and because I thought that I always felt so off about sex due to never having it. I didn't know that something like asexuality existed. I didn't like it, hated it in fact, and by the end of it, I was trying to balance a panic attack. I ended up leaving after a few minutes to 'clean up'," Dan made little quotes with his hands, "but when I got to the bathroom I threw up and panicked."

Dan stopped and licked his lips. He hated reliving it, but at the same time he wanted to talk about it with Phil, he wanted Phil to know everything about him. God, Dan was even confusing to himself.

"It was my first time, but I don't think it was hers, and after I came back we cuddled and watched some movies and stuff. She didn't seem to realize that anything was wrong. After that sex became something normal in our relationship. She would always initiate it, and I would never say no, thinking that maybe, just maybe, this time would be the time when my head and my body got the message that I was supposed to like this. But it never happened and months passed and I just kept getting more and more depressed and anxious. I started making up excuses to get out of it, and when she called me out on it, claiming that I didn't love her anymore, I told her that I was asexual. I wasn't really confident in my label because I had found it only for a few weeks at that point, but after I kind of explained how I hated sex with her and felt disgusting and threw up and was so so anxious, she got quiet. And then…" Dan swallowed, "and then she started yelling. She told me that I was lying, that there was no thing such as asexuality, and that I was just making stuff up at that point. She said...a lot of other stuff too."

"Can I ask what?" Phil said, his voice just as much of a whisper as Dan's. It wavered, and there was something tight and emotional in it. Dan nodded.

"After I kept trying to convince her that I was asexual and that it was real, she changed tactics. She broke up with me on the spot and told me that I was a freak and that there was something wrong and broken with me. She told me that no one would ever love me if I didn't give anyone sex. That I could just...die alone and 'like I should'. She said that too, the whole, 'like I should' thing. And then she kicked me out of her house and told me she never wanted to see me again."

When Dan finished, Phil moved his hands to Dan's shoulders and tugged gently, pulling Dan's head away from the crook of Phil's neck that it had been resting in. He was frowning heavily.

"You don't believe that, right?"

Dan shrugged. He didn't know how to tell Phil the truth, but he was sure that Phil could see how he was blinking back tears. Fuck, his past hurt.

Phil's frown just got deeper, and his head jerked, as if he had wanted to move it forward but decided against it at the last moment.

"Promise me you'll deck me if I make you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Phil?"

"Just promise."

"Okay…" Dan said warily. Phil nodded, and leaned forward, kissing Dan's forehead.

"You aren't a freak."

Phil's lips moved to Dan's temple.

"You aren't broken."

His cheek.

"You aren't wrong or unnatural."

A kiss on his nose.

"No one that actually matters wouldn't love you just because you're ace."

Dan's other cheek.

"And you won't die alone because you don't 'deserve' that."

Phil pulled back fully, and fuck, Dan felt like he could start crying again. Phil rubbed his thumb over Dan's cheekbone, the rest of his hand cupping Dan's jaw, and Dan leaned into the touch.

"Was she the only one you've ever told?"

"No, I told you, and Jaime, and my parents. All of my friends and schoolmates found out too, but I didn't tell them. She told them."

Phil frowned.

"Did none of them seriously accept you?"

Dan laughed humorlessly. "No, not one. From then on I was the laughing stock of the whole fucking school. A teenage boy who throws up after sex? Pathetic. I was asking for all of the assholes that picked on me afterwards. And it's not like I have the best track record with people actually thinking that I'm not, you know, a freak. My mum started crying after I told her, like I had just said I was dying from some terminal disease. And my dad straight up threw me out after he was through screaming at me. I ended up sneaking back in after they had gone to bed to grab a bag full of stuff and all of the money I could carry, so I wasn't that bad off, but it took me a few days to move down here and find a place to stay." Dan gestured to the flat they were in. "I then got the first job I could find, which was the one down at the coffee shop and I met Jaime, thank god. Thankfully I told them after I had finished school, though I didn't get the chance to go to uni like I planned. Two years later, I'm still in the same spot I crashed in." Dan's voice was raw and there were a few tears making their way down his face, but Phil would just wipe them away with his fingers.

"How long has Jaime known?"

"Not very. Last night after I ran out on you I ended up at her place and broke down and told her. She accepted me, don't worry, and we ended up crying in her kitchen together. It's also where she and I did this," Dan said, pointing to his hair. Phil smirked and ran his fingers through it.

"I noticed the hair, believe me, it was one of the first things my eyes went to when you opened your door. I just had much more pressing things to try and hopefully work out with you than your sudden hair change."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Phil said, his hand once again dragging its way through Dan's curls that he had yet to tame. Dan melted into the contact and felt his body relax, sighing happily.

"This is okay, right?"

Dan nodded, still feeling very content with Phil's hands raking through his hair.

"Mhm, definitely. Kissing, hugging, cuddling and all that is okay because none of it is sex. And god playing with my hair is at the top of the list." Dan blurted out. He felt his face grow red instantly from his confession, and Phil laughed.

"Guess I know your kryptonite, then. Though Dan, I have another question, if you don't mind."

Dan's stomach dropped and he felt fear crawl up his spine no matter how much he couldn't help it. It was his gut reaction and Dan suspected that he would still need quite a while to get over it.

"Ask away."

"Did you get any sleep last night because I also noticed your horrendous eye bags."

Dan gasped and shoved Phil's shoulder, who started to giggle, a hand coming up in front of his mouth. Dan tried to keep up his annoyed charade, but his face cracked into a smile in no time and then he was laughing right along with Phil, the tense air that had been between them ever since Phil showed up to his door dissipating into something much more natural and much more...them.

"Okay okay, but seriously, Dan you look bloody exhausted."

"And? You don't look that much better, Philly." Dan rolled his eyes, but Phil just poked him. "Oi. I slept a little before I went nuts texting you, and then I got a handful of hours in after too. How about you, huh?" Phil poked Dan again.

"Fine, if you must know, I think I got a few in total, but I don't know, exactly. I had trouble staying asleep and well, I gave up after a little." Dan said, shrugging.

"Dan!"

"What? I was distressed! I deserve a free pass!" Dan cried. The playful attitude between them was still there, which Dan was grateful for. Phil hummed and wrapped his arms back around Dan, but he used their combined body weight to roll back. Dan was laying on top of Phil like this, and Phil's arms were still around him.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean I like it. Now sleep. You need it."

"Phil I can't just sleep on demand like that."

"Yes you can, now shush, and sleep."

"Phil!" Dan whined, squirming a little but not trying very hard to break free of Phil's grasp. "What if I'm not tired? And besides, don't we still have to talk about stuff? Like us—if there is an us—and maybe me if you have other questions still, or-"

"Shhhh" Phil said, pressing a finger to Dan's lips. "We're not talking about anything else until you get some sleep, Dan." Phil said. Dan rolled his eyes, but he also sunk into Phil's embrace. It felt nice to be held.

They fell into silence, but it was comfortable and familiar. Sooner than Dan might have liked to admit, he started to feel his eyes droop, his exhaustion from the past two days catching up with him.

"Sleep, Dan," Phil whispered, one of his hands playing with Dan's hair, "I'll still be here when you wake up."

Dan smiled, and let his eyes close.

Old Habits

Part 1 of my 36 Questions That Lead to Love Series: 1. "Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?" The Gryffindor 6th years have an eventfully uneventful train ride back to school. 4038 words | ao3

Lily Evans clutched the handle of her trunk tightly as she stepped off the train. King’s Cross looked the same as ever, despite the fact that she had somehow expected the station to look completely different--maybe because this time, for the first time, she was arriving alone. She had spent the better part of the last week convincing her mum to let her travel alone on the local train on the morning of September 1st after Petunia had made it abundantly clear that she would not be joining them to see Lily off, but the fight was worth it that Mum wouldn’t have to travel back to Cokeworth by herself.

She loaded her trunk onto a trolley and made her way to a newsstand for her last Muggle chocolate bar until Christmas. Tucking her purchase into her bag, she headed for Platform 9 ¾. There were still several Hogwarts families milling about on the Muggle side, but Lily hurried as a station announcement noted the time at 10:50. The Wizarding side of the platform was as bustling as ever, full of old friends getting reacquainted as parents said hurried goodbyes. Lily pushed thoughts of her family from her mind as she dragged her trunk up the platform.

“Evans!”

Lily sighed, turning at the sound of one of the last voices she wanted to hear that morning. “Potter.”

He was taller than he had been in June. “Alright, Evans? Have a good summer?”

She nodded, glancing around for any of her other friends as an escape, but there was only James. “You?”

“Yeah, it was alright--good--a lot of Quidditch.”  

“That’s nice.” He looked nervous, hands twitching at his sides, and Lily was running out of patience. “Alright, well...we should really get on the train, so…”

“Right. Need any help with your trunk?”

“No--erm, thanks. See you at school.”

“Right.”

She turned and quickly made her way down the platform before James could say anything else. She wasn’t sure that she was properly over what happened after OWLs, and now really wasn’t the time to hash that out. She heaved her trunk onto the train and dragged it down the corridor, dodging small children--they couldn’t be first years , was she ever that small?--and eventually spotted her friends through a compartment window. Mary slid the door open and Marlene helped to heft her trunk up into the holding above.

“Lily!” She was quickly enveloped in a hug, then another. “How was your summer? Is your mum here? I’m sorry I didn’t owl more--”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine. I took the express from Cokeworth--Mum was busy this morning. Summer was fine. Yours?”

“Uneventful, mostly. I babysat my siblings until they all went to Quidditch camp, then Mum and I were at her friend’s place in the country for a few weeks.”

“I hope that was more fun than it sounds…?”

Marlene shrugged. “I got all my schoolwork done there, anyway.”

“Well that’s something. Mary, please tell me you had more fun than that.”

“Not really--chores around the house, homework, and we went to my aunt’s at the seaside on the weekends. Nothing terribly exciting.”

“Your tan looks great, at least.”

“Thanks! I feel like it took years of lying in the sun to get this dark.”

“I always have to sit under the umbrella.” Lily held out her arms for inspection, frowning at her pale skin.

“Your skin tone suits you so well though, with your hair and everything! I’d kill for those freckles just across your nose.”

“I guess. Maybe there’s a charm for sun protection--I should ask Flitwick when we get back.”

Somewhere a clock struck 11 and the Hogwarts Express pulled away from the platform. Lily settled into her seat, twisting a piece of hair around one finger. The world outside blurred backwards as the train picked up speed.

Marlene tucked her legs up criss-cross on the seat and looked at Lily expectantly. “So was Snape hanging around your house again this summer?”

Lily groaned and pulled out her cigarette case, lighting a smoke and offering them to her roommates. “He came ‘round once at the beginning of July and I had Mum say I wasn’t home. Of course then she wanted to know why, so I just said we’d grown apart, you know? Petunia said she was glad I was finally finished with ‘ that beastly little freak ’, and they didn’t ask questions after that”. It was the most Petunia had said to her all summer, besides ‘pass the salt’ and ‘hurry up in the bath, will you’.

The first summer since their dad’s death wasn’t easy, but they had managed. Mum kept busy between work, volunteering, and book club, and Petunia wasn’t really speaking to Lily since Easter. Lily didn’t have an owl to keep up with her friends--her parents always said that it would be too hard to keep it under wraps in their Muggle neighborhood--so she found ways to keep herself occupied, spending two months listening to records, smoking on the back porch, and snogging a Muggle boy from two blocks over in between her shifts at the local Tesco.

“I hope he leaves you alone this year.”

Marlene agreed, blowing smoke rings into the air between them. “He really is sort of beastly, isn’t he?”

Lily shrugged, cracking the upper window open and blowing her own smoke towards the opening. “No comment.”

“You’re allowed to acknowledge that he’s an arse, you know,” Mary pointed out. “He did call you a...you-know-what.”

“Mudblood.” The other girls winced, and Lily continued. “I know. I know what he is. I just--I don’t know.” She knew that she couldn’t let Severus back into her life after what he did, and she didn’t want to, but she didn’t feel like she was quite done grieving yet, either.

All thoughts of Severus Snape vanished when the compartment door slid open without warning and 7th year Dorcas Meadows stuck her head inside. “Hey Lily, don’t forget--oh, you can’t be serious . Smoking on the train? Lily, you’re a Prefect !”

The 6th years stubbed out their cigarettes at once. Marlene grinned at Dorcas, and Mary at least had the decency to look guilty while Lily Vanished the lingering smoke and the remains of her own cig. “Sorry Dorcas, we weren’t thinking--just a holdover from summer, you know?”

“That’s a poor excuse, but I guess I won’t take any points from my own House before we even get to school.”

“Thanks Dorcas, you’re an angel. I promise it won’t happen again.”

“Oh, whatever,” Dorcas rolled her eyes. “I just wanted to remind you, the Prefect meeting starts in five minutes.”

“Right, I’ll be right there.”

Marlene relit her cigarette as soon as Dorcas closed the door. “I suppose she got Head Girl, then.”

“Looks like it. Don’t get caught with that. I’ll be back after the meeting.”

Lily entered the Prefect compartment and made a beeline for the seat next to Remus, decidedly not looking around to see if any of the other 6th year Prefects had arrived yet. “Hey Remus, how were your hols?”

“Pretty good. We were at James’s a lot. How about you?”

“Not bad. Spent a lot of time with Mum. Did you have any trouble with the Transfiguration work? That theory essay took me ages to finish.”

“Nah, James and Sirius are really good at Transfiguration so we all put our notes together. Marlene helped, too--I didn’t expect her to pick up on the theory that quickly but she had it down pretty well by the time she showed up at James’s.”

“Right.” Lily’s brow furrowed. Marlene at Potter’s?

Before she could ask Remus anything else, Dorcas stood up to start the meeting. “Hello everyone, welcome back! I’m Head Girl this year and Kingsley,” the 7th year Slytherin stood up when she mentioned his name, “is your Head Boy. I hope everyone had a nice summer? I know I’m glad to be back after some of those awful headlines in the Prophet--nowhere safer than Hogwarts, right?” A few Prefects murmured in agreement, Lily among them--though she wasn’t sure if she really did entirely agree. Just because Dumbledore was there didn’t mean that bad things couldn’t--wouldn’t--happen.

“Anyway, we’re both very excited for this upcoming year, and we have just a few announcements to make before you get started on patrols. First off, I’d especially like to welcome all of the new 5th years. We’re very happy to have you all on as new Prefects. As a recap, you’ll primarily be expected to patrol the school after hours and make sure no students are out of bed. We’ll be handing out your patrol schedules at the end of the meeting. Kinglsey and I are in charge of setting the schedules, so if any of you have a specific conflict, please let one of us know. You’ll also be patrolling the train until we get to Hogwarts. I want 6th years patrolling for the first half of the trip, 5th years patrolling the second half. Kingsley and I will also be setting the common room passwords, and we will give you each month’s passwords at our biweekly meetings. Now, Kingsley, if you want to…?”

“Yes, of course,” Kingsley said, standing up to take over the announcements. “Professor Dumbledore wanted us to let you know about a new rule that we’ll be helping to enforce this year. From now on, magic in the corridors at school is forbidden.”

Jenny Krampf, a 6th year Ravenclaw, raised her hand. “What if we’re practicing before class?”

Kingsley shook his head. “You’ll just have to practice in your common room. It’s a matter of precaution, after last year’s accidents; Professor Dumbledore just wants to make sure that he’s providing the highest possible level of safety for students while we’re at school.”

“‘Accidents’ my arse,” Lily muttered. Remus shushed her.

“Magic is also now forbidden on the train. Obviously the rest of the student body doesn’t know that yet, so Dorcas and I have decided that during your patrols today, you should issue a warning to any student using magic, and a detention if you catch them a second time.”

“Alright, any questions?” Dorcas pulled a sheaf of parchment from her bag and stood up. “That’s it for the meeting, then. We’ll see you again for the first meeting two Sundays from now! I have copies of your patrol schedules, common room passwords, and the password to the Prefects’ bathroom, so please come get yours before you leave.”

She handed a sheet each to Lily and Remus, sitting in the front row, and they swiftly made their exit. “That new rule is definitely not just a precaution,” Lily said in a low voice. “Do you remember what Mulciber did to Mary last year? Dumbledore’s mad if he thinks a silly new rule will stop those Death Eater-wannabes.”

“Yeah, but what else can he do? He can’t kick them out just for suspicion--”

“Unfortunately.”

“I know, I agree.”

“Ugh. The whole thing’s just so stupid, anyway.” They made it to Lily’s compartment and she leaned against the door, folding and unfolding and folding again the schedule from Dorcas. “So, do you think your mates will have trouble with the new rule?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Can we not talk about that right now? Term hasn’t even started yet.”

“I know, I know, I’m just kidding--mostly.”

“It just gets a little old. You’re not the only one who mentions it.”

His voice was sharper than usual, and Lily's cheeks burned. “Sorry.”

“I know. See you at school?”

She nodded and watched him continue on to the next carriage. The compartment door slid open and Marlene stuck her head out. “Was that Remus out here snapping?” Lily nodded again. “What’d you say to piss him off?”

“There’s a new rule that says we can’t do magic in the corridors at school, and I asked if the others will have trouble with it. I was just kidding, sort of.”

“Oh! Well, if that’s all, then.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I have to go patrol. Do you want anything off the trolley if I pass it?”

“Chocolate, please.”

“There’s actually a bar in my bag if you want some.”

Marlene vanished back into the compartment with a grin and Lily started off down the train. She still needed to ask Marlene about having been at Potter’s, and it occurred to her that the Potters and McKinnons were probably friends--old pureblood families and what not. It also occurred to her that Marlene being at James’s was probably part of why Lily received next to no letters over the summer. She had been surprised, if she was being honest, by the radio silence, but she wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up for a real discussion. And this, knowing that Marlene was at James’s, she would just keep that card close to her chest and wait for Marlene to bring it up herself.

She traced the outline of the silver case in her pocket as she walked, lamenting the fact that it would be another 10 months before she could sit on her back porch and smoke whenever she wanted.

By the time she’d made it to the other end of the train, she had worked out more frustration than she realized she even had by giving out three warnings and two detentions, and she hadn’t seen Severus or the sixth year Gryffindor boys even once. This usually wouldn’t bode well for anyone involved, but she pushed it from her mind. She wasn’t the only Gryffindor Prefect and they weren’t her responsibility.  

She made her way through the final passenger carriage, shushing a group of third year boys who thought that shouting was the best way to determine who had made the compartment smell so rank, and finally came to the storage car at the end of the train. Hoping that she wasn’t about to catch anyone with their clothes off and crossing her fingers that she might be able to confiscate some cigarettes by the end of patrol, she opened the door and peeked inside. “Hello? Anyone in here?”

Sudden footsteps behind her set off warning bells in her head and a firm hand on her back pushed her into the carriage. The door crashed shut behind them and she spun around, already pulling her wand out from her jacket sleeve, and stopped short.

“Severus.” She hadn’t spoken to him since that night outside the Gryffindor common room.

“Hi, Lils.” He sounded as shy as he had the first time he ever talked to her.

“Don’t call me that.”

Severus’s brow furrowed and he dropped any hint of bashfulness. “What should I call you then, Evans ? I’ve called you Lils since we were nine years old.”

“You weren’t friends with Death Eaters when we were nine years old,” Lily said coolly.

“I’m not a Death Eater,” he growled. He was already starting to pace back and forth.

“I didn’t say you were. No new tattoos yet, then?” She knew it was dangerous to taunt him but she didn’t care. All she could think about was that day after their final exam, and then the look on his face through lacy curtains in her upstairs window as her mum closed the front gate on him in June.

“Well you wouldn’t know, would you? You wouldn’t even let me on your porch, let alone talk to me,” he spat. Color was rising in his cheeks and he paced closer to Lily. She moved slowly, swallowing when she backed into a stack of crates. “I was just trying to apologize again, and see how your family’s doing.”

“I said all I had to say in June,” Lily said softly. “You chose your path, I chose mine.”

“But Lils, I could help you! So much more than Potter or any of his blood-traitor friends. I could protect you!”

“What exactly do I need to be protected from?” Her heart was racing as her grip on her wand tightened.

His eyes darkened. “You know what I’m talking about, Lily.”

“Well how do you know about it if you aren’t one of them? If you’re in with the Death Eaters, how can you protect me?”

“I’m doing what I have to do for you !” Lily’s breath caught in her throat; he was suddenly right in front of her, slamming his hands into the wood on either side of her head. Drawing a shuddering breath, he hung his head. He was barely inches from her face, almost whimpering. “Lily. You know how I feel about you. Please…”

She swallowed hard as he ignored the tip of her wand pressing into his chest, and the carriage door slid open loudly. He stiffened at the sound of James Potter’s voice. “Alright, Evans?”

“We’re having a private conversation, Potter.” Severus spun around, pulling his wand from his robes and pointing it at the other boy.

“Everything’s fine ,” Lily said firmly, slipping out from behind Severus.

“You sure, Evans?” James asked lightly. “Looked to me like Snivellus here was bothering you.”

Severus made a sound in the back of his throat like an angry animal, and Lily moved to stand in front of his wand. “We had a bit of a misunderstanding, that’s all. Severus was looking for something that I don’t have anymore.”

He looked like a kicked dog, startled but ready to bite. “If you would just listen --”

“Snape it’s over , just go .” Lily couldn’t remember ever speaking to him so coldly, and he seemed to realize it as well. He shouldered past her and James, slamming the door shut behind him. They stood in silence for a moment before Lily spoke. “You don’t even have your wand out.”

James shrugged, grinning. “You do. I knew you’d protect me.”

She snorted. “More like Remus told you about the new rules.”

“So? You know about them and you still have yours out,” He said. “A bit of a misunderstanding, huh?” She looked away and crossed her arms. He sighed. “Are you really ok, though?”

She nodded. “He wouldn’t have hurt me. I know you probably disagree, but at least the Snape I used to know wouldn’t have...done anything.”

James looked around the carriage, his hand rising toward his hair. Lily almost rolled her eyes until his hand stopped to rub the back of his neck, then dropped. “Sometimes, I wish I could have old Godric Gryffindor up for a chat, so I could ask him why he was ever friends with Slytherin in the first place.” He spoke very deliberately.

She chewed over several responses before she quietly answered. “Maybe Slytherin wasn’t so bad in the beginning, and Gryffindor needed him then. And by the time he realized how much things had changed, it was too late to go back.”

“If you say so. I think Gryffindor was well rid of him in the end.” He opened the compartment door and looked back at her. “You heading back to your friends at the front?” She nodded. “Alright. See you at the feast then.”

“Hey!” He turned back, eyebrows raised. “Is Remus still ticked at me?”

He shrugged. “Not really, but you know how he broods.”

“Think you could apologize again for me?”

“Absolutely not.” He flashed her a grin on his way out the door. “I think if you can deal with Snape, you can handle that yourself.”

Lily sighed, letting her head fall back and resting her hands on her hips. She gave James a minute’s head start to get farther along the train before slowly making the walk back to her own compartment.

“I think that was the best feast yet.” Mary dropped spread eagle onto her bed, resting both hands on her full stomach.

Marlene snorted. “You say that every year.”

“It gets better every year.”

Lily laughed, pulling off her robes and rummaging through her trunk for a large tee shirt. It felt nice to be back in the dorm, in the same bed that she had slept in for the last five years. It felt closer to home than she would admit, and she Summoned her cigarette case from the pocket of her trousers bunched on the floor, opening the window.

“Oh, good idea!” Marlene joined her on the window seat, pulling out her own cigs.

“Must you smoke in here?” Their roommate Diane Clearwater wrinkled her nose.

“Yes,” Marlene replied bluntly, blowing a smoke ring in Diane’s direction.

Soumya Patil, the fifth and final Gryffindor 6th year girl, rolled her eyes. “Really, Marlene? Come on, Diane, let’s just go downstairs.” They left quickly, Diane slamming the door behind them.

Lily giggled as Mary scoffed at them. “Must you antagonize her on the first night back?”

Marlene blew another smoke ring. “ Yes , I must . She’s a twat.”

“Soumya’s nice though, usually,” Lily pointed out. She blew her smoke out the window, not having quite mastered smoke rings yet, though not for lack of trying.

“Why’s she hang out with Diane then?”

“Because she’s nice , unlike you.” Marlene stuck her tongue out but still passed Mary a cigarette when she held her hand out.

The rest of the train ride had passed uneventfully, and Lily was pleased to have confiscated not one but three packs of cigarettes. Some were a bit harsher than she usually preferred, but beggars can't be choosers--cigarettes were high on the list of banned items that Filch kept posted on his office door. Lily thought it was rather odd that he didn’t just Vanish any cigarette trash or smoke in the halls, but she didn’t question it, rather enjoying the fact that his rules kept her from having to spend more money on her bad habit. She curled one leg up onto the window seat now, watching the smoke from her cig curling up out the window and thinking about their arrival at school.

Mary was right, the feast had been delicious, and there hadn’t been too much grumbling from the student body when Professor Dumbledore officially announced the new rule about no magic in the corridors. Lily was pleased to see that Gryffindor got 12 new students this year, and she had let the 5th year Prefects lead everyone to the common room after dinner. She hung back, looking for James and his friends, but they had disappeared in the crowd.

“Do you think I should talk to Remus?”

Mary finished lighting her cigarette off of Marlene’s cherry and furrowed her brows. “About what?”

“That bit on the train.”

“Nah,” Marlene waved the question away. “I mean, yes, honestly, eventually. Like, it wasn’t a real row or anything, but you should probably talk it out. But not tonight.”

“You think?”

Mary nodded. “From what you said, it sounds like he could use somebody to talk to about the pressure, anyway. I’m sure it’s not easy being their mate and a Prefect.”

“Definitely not,” Marlene added. “Though I think they all calmed down a lot this summer. They seemed pretty decent away from the Slytherins, anyway.”

“Oh? Did you see them over the hols?” Lily tried to keep her voice light, examining her cigarette.

“Um, yeah, actually. Mum is friends with Euphemia - I think they’re on some committee together or in a book club or something. We were there for a couple of weeks in the beginning of August.”

“Was it fun?”

“Yeah, I guess. The boys played Quidditch a lot and I mostly worked on homework and my tan.”

“Oh, ok.” Lily glanced up in time to see Marlene and Mary exchange a look. She swallowed, stubbing her cigarette out on the windowsill and waving her wand to Vanish the smoke, and tucked the remaining butt back into her case. “I think I’m going to go to bed. I’m always really tired after the train.”

“Ok, Lils. See you in the morning.”

Lily was quick to brush her teeth and crawl into bed, pulling the curtains shut behind her. If Mary and Marlene had anything to say, they waited until after she fell asleep to say it.

Between the Lines - 5

I am ON FIRE

Previous Chapters

This chapter rated T

Chapter 5 - Winchester and Salisbury

“You know you like her. What are you going to do about it?” Katja had said. And then started talking about Lindsay. Or was she just mentioning Lindsay in front of Anna to see what happened?

What was he going to do about it? He didn't know yet. Much as he got annoyed whenever his family tried to pair him off with any woman that came into his orbit, he did like Anna. He was crap at making a move, though. And they still had a couple of weeks of touring together. He wouldn’t do anything just yet.

-----

They contemplated the cathedral wall.

“Is it the real one?” Anna asked.

“What do you mean?”

“It looks really old, is it the real one?”

“You know King Arthur and his round table is a myth, right? A story?”

“Stories can be real.” She walked over and read the sign. “Oh, it says it's 13th century - that's still pretty old.”

“We need to get back to the bookshop.”

“I know. But I bet you didn't think you'd see King Arthur's actual Round Table today, did you?”

“It's not -” He stopped. “It's not nice to wind people up.”

Anna grinned at him. “There's a cathedral in Salisbury as well, isn't there? But maybe one is enough for a weekend.”

“Probably.”

They strolled out and down the road, back towards the shops. Kristoff’s phone rang, and he answered it. “Hi, Mum.”

“Happy birthday, love!”

“Thanks.”

Anna must have overheard, because her face was a picture of surprise. It’s your birthday? she mouthed at him, and he nodded and turned slightly away. “Yeah, we were a bit early so we went and had a walk round the cathedral - heading back now though. Two. Yeah, I don’t know - OK. Speak to you later.” He hung up.

“It’s your birthday? Why didn’t you tell me! I didn’t get you a present or a card or anything. I would have made you a cake! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was your birthday.”

“Remind me to ring my mum back after we’re finished, will you? She thought I was on at three and I don’t really have time for a chat now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

“Because - I didn’t want you to make a fuss.”

“But now I feel bad.”

“It’s fine. Really. I’m not bothered much about birthdays.”

Anna trudged along beside him, her expression thoughtful.

“Anna.”

“Mm?”

“Promise me you won’t do anything. I’m serious.”

“Define - do anything.”

“Don’t get me a present, or a card, or a cake.”

“Spoilsport.”

“I mean it.”

“Okay, fine. You’re no fun.”

“I can be fun.”

“At least let me take you somewhere nice this evening, for dinner.”

“Alright. But no telling the waiter it’s my birthday.”

“No fun at all.”

-----

Anna did get over-excited and tell the waiter it was Kristoff’s birthday. Fortunately, she’d not chosen a restaurant where that earnt him a song, just a sparkler in his dessert, and he could live with that. It was also walking distance from the hotel - “So you can have a drink on your birthday” - and afterwards they wandered back along the street.

“You didn’t ring your mum,” Anna said as they waited to cross the road.

“Oh, shit. No. I’m going to be in trouble.”

“Kristoff’s in trouble with his mother,” Anna sang, walking slightly too carefully as they crossed to the opposite pavement.

“You’ve had too much to drink.”

“No I haven’t. I’m just a bit cheerful. Let’s not go back just yet, let’s do something.”

“What? I think everyone else in Winchester has gone to sleep.”

“Then come back to my room for a drink.”

“Water, I assume, since Travel Taverns don’t exactly have mini bars.”

“Hmm. Okay, wait here. Right here.” She left him, crossed the road, and disappeared into the Tesco Express. Five minutes later she came out with a carrier bag.

“Sorted.”

-----

“Come with me.” Anna opened her hotel room door and waved Kristoff inside. He perched on the dressing table stool as she swept clothes, books and various other random items off her bed and into her suitcase, then opened her Tesco bag and held up a bottle of vodka. “Ta da!”

“Straight vodka?”

“No, wait…” She put the bottle down and took out a carton of Tesco Value orange juice. “I’ve thought of everything.”

Anna went into the bathroom and came out with the two tooth-glasses, then poured a measure of vodka into one and a double measure into the other, before topping them up with the juice.

“Why do I get twice as much?”

“It’s your birthday! And you’re twice the size of me, I can’t have you drinking me under the table.” She drank half her drink straight down. “Mm. Okay. Truth or dare.”

“What?”

“Truth or dare. Go on.”

Anna sat on the edge of the bed and grinned at him.

“How old are we?” Kristoff said.

“Well if you’re scared, you can ask me first.”

“Fine. Whatever. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I don’t know. Finish your drink.”

“That’s a boring one,” she said, but she drained it and then poured herself another. “Truth or dare.”

“Dare, if you can think of anything.”

“Of course I can! OK. During your Q&A tomorrow, you have to say the word ‘reindeer’ at least once.”

“Reindeer?”

“I was trying to think of something - nordic.”

“I don’t write about reindeer.”

Anna shrugged. “That’s your dare.”

“Fine. Truth or dare.”

“Truth, since you can only think of rubbish dares.”

“I can’t promise to think of better questions.”

“Well, try.”

“Hmm.” He swigged his drink. “This is a bit strong. OK. When’s your birthday?”

“You could’ve asked me that any time. Twenty-first of June.”

“I suppose you expect a present.”

“Obviously.” She took Kristoff’s empty glass from him and refilled it. “Your turn, truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

“Why did you really break up with your girlfriend? Lindsay.”

“God, really?”

“Tell me. I’m nosy. I’m never going to meet her, what does it matter.”

He sighed. “Have you ever woken up next to someone and realised that they aren’t the person you fell in love with? They’ve changed, and you’ve changed, and you just don’t - fit the way you used to. Some people get together young and they grow together, we grew apart.”

“I’m sorry.”

He took a swig of his drink. “But everyone said we were such a great couple, and thought we were perfect together, that was what made it hard. You heard Katja! And I still get it from my mother. Jesus. She wouldn’t have me even if I wanted to, anyway. It was 100% mutual. The break-up.”

“I have never had a break-up like that. God, you’re such a grown-up.”

“Sorry.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Sometimes...I miss having someone, you know? I sold those TV rights a couple of weeks after we broke up and my first thought was to call her, then, oh, right, I shouldn’t. That was tough.”

Anna stared into space for a minute. “I have an idea! Instead of truth or dare, we’ll play ridiculous lie or dare. Ask me, go on.”

“Uh - ridiculous lie or dare?”

“Ridiculous lie.”

“Um. Do you have any children?”

“Yes! I have - seventeen children.”

“What’re their names?”

“Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub, Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, Peter - is that seventeen?”

“I have no idea. I don’t think so.”

“Robbie, Gary, Mark, Howard, Jason, Violet, Hyacinth, Rose…..maybe that’s enough. I don’t know. Ridiculous lie or dare.”

“Ridiculous lie.”

“Excellent. Great. Hmm - what’s your house like inside?”

“Very gothic. Battlements and gargoyles and big oak doors. Dungeons.”

“As I suspected. Dungeons? Like Fifty Shades of Grey?” She laughed.

“EXACTLY like Fifty Shades of Grey, in fact, they filmed some of it there.” She was still giggling so he continued, “I wanted to star in it but they wouldn’t let me, said I was too handsome.”

Anna fell on her back on the bed, still laughing. “Oh god. You see! You can be fun when you try.”

“Don’t tell anyone, for god’s sake, I’ve a reputation to maintain.”

Anna’s laughter slowly faded. She shifted and her skirt fell to one side, exposing nearly her full leg. “Ridiculous lie,” she said.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“Grey. Or brown. A grey-ish brown. The colour of boredom. Ridiculous lie or dare.”

“Dare.”

She looked at him sideways. Her hair was lying in copper waves around her face, her top was half-off one shoulder. She shifted her legs again and revealed another inch of thigh. “Kiss me.”

Kristoff opened his mouth but couldn’t think what he wanted to say.

“You wouldn’t have come back to my room if you didn’t want to,” Anna continued, pushing herself up on her elbows.

She was right, that was the problem. His body didn’t feel entirely under his control as he stood and took the two steps over to the bed, as he sat next to her and leaned down until his face was just above hers. Anna slipped her hand round to the back of his neck and pulled him down to close the distance between their lips.

He kissed her. Her response was immediate, her lips moving against his, her fingers tangling in his hair, and he didn’t resist when she pulled him down with her onto the bed. It seemed fitting, or maybe just inevitable - of course this was how the evening was going to end. He kissed her, and let himself slide a hand round her waist, pulling her against him.

It wasn’t until Anna wiggled her hands round to her front and started unbuttoning his shirt that the klaxon in his head finally got his attention. He pulled his lips just far enough away from hers. “Anna. Anna, wait.”

“What?” She kept pulling at his shirt buttons.

“Anna, we’re drunk.”

“Hmm?” Half the buttons were undone now. Kristoff made a great effort and pushed himself up and away to sit on the bed next to her.

“You’re drunk,” he repeated. “We, we shouldn’t do this. I should go to my room.”

“M’not -” Anna pushed herself up on her elbows, then fell back again. “Woops,” she said vaguely. “Oh, god, you’re right. The room is going roun’ and roun’. You’re right. Fuuuuuck.” She screwed up her face.

Kristoff got to his feet. He started doing up his shirt, then decided it was too fiddly and there was no point. “G’night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Mmm.” She looked up at him. “Y’sure? S’already gonna be really awkward tomorrow. Might as well make it worth it.”

“Goodnight, Anna.”

“Fine. Spoilsport.”

He let himself out.

---

what time do they stop driving ballasts

serving

breakfast

9 I think

are you coming down for breakfast?

they’re starting to pack up

Anna?

---

“Hey.” Anna sat down at the table opposite Kristoff. It was 8:58; he’d almost given her up.

“Morning,” he said, and slid a plate and glass over to her. “They were starting to tidy up so I got you your croissant and orange juice.”

“Oh - thank you - that was thoughtful, thank you.”

She fiddled with the glass. He said “Anna -” at the same time as she said “Kris -” and they both stopped.

“No, let me,” Anna continued. “I behaved really badly last night and I want to apologise -” she held up her hand when he opened his mouth - “I got drunk and I threw myself at you and it was stupid and I am HIDEOUSLY embarrassed, oh my god, I can’t believe I did that, and I’m so sorry and I would really like it if we could forget it ever happened.”

“It’s forgotten.”

“Thank you.”

“I can’t let you take all the blame, though.”

Anna pulled a face. “Let’s just forget it and not talk about it any more. At least until my painkillers have kicked in. And I need to go back upstairs in a minute, I haven’t showered yet, or packed up or anything.”

“Sure, fine.”

She picked up her croissant and pulled it apart. “You don’t have to do the reindeer thing.”

“Pardon?”

“That is what I said, wasn’t it? You had to say reindeer in your Q&A? It’s okay, forget it.”

“Oh, yes, right. OK.” He looked at her, poking at her breakfast. “How about yours? Are you ready to drive to Salisbury and spend an hour with a group of excitable seven-year-olds?”

Anna looked at him bleakly, then put her face down on her folded arms.

Valentine’s Day

Summary: Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and John can’t wait to finally celebrate it with Sherlock. The only problem? The detective has completely forgotten about it.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! What started out as a short ficlet typed up in my Sherlock chat group has now been edited into a full-fledged story for the world to see. After all, what better way to celebrate the day of love than with adorable fluff of my OTP?

Dedicated to all the awesome people in my Sherlockian chat group, without whom this story would not exist <3 Enjoy!

Can also be found on AO3 and Fanfiction.net

It was a chilly day in mid-February, nearly a month after John and Sherlock had finally gotten together. During this time, they were slowly settling back into the rhythm of things and getting used to spending time together as a couple. As it turned out, it wasn’t too different from when they lived together as friends, except that now they could stop pretending they didn’t constantly want to kiss each other.

Nearly a month in, and John still can’t get over the fluttery feeling that arises in his stomach whenever he presses his lips to Sherlock’s. Even the smallest of pecks was enough to send the butterflies his way and cause Sherlock’s cheeks to flush a delicate shade of red.

John couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy, and now that he had a reason, he never wanted to let it go.

One day, while doing the grocery shopping in Tesco’s, a lady with a shopping cart brushed past him and sent him bumping hip-first into the display nearby. She apologized quickly and carried on her way, but the action caused John to stop short and take a closer look at what he’d bumped into.

It was a candy display, just like any other one typically found in a British supermarket, but still different from the others. It was red and white and full of more hearts than he’d ever seen before in his life. That was when John suddenly remembered.

February.

The fourteenth.

Valentine’s Day.

Tomorrow.

John’s face broke into a huge smile as he suddenly grew very excited for the upcoming holiday. He’d been in relationships during previous Valentine’s Days, it was true, but this one was different, unique, special. He wasn’t spending it with just anybody this time around. He was spending it with Sherlock.

That thought alone meant that John could barely keep the grin off his face as he began browsing the selection of assorted chocolates, wondering which one Sherlock might like the best. Since it was their first Valentine’s Day and he’d previously expressed a distaste to overly-processed sugar, John figured he should get Sherlock something smaller, something simpler. But this was Sherlock they were talking about here, so might doing so be seen as too cliché, even for a romantic like John?

After pondering on it for several minutes, John decided to faff it all and settled on a medium-sized heart-shaped box of chocolates with a small selection of flavors. It was Valentine’s Day for Christ’s sake, and Sherlock deserved to experience a proper one.

As he made his way towards the register to pay for the groceries, John’s mind began working overtime to figure out where he could purchase a dozen red roses and which restaurants were still accepting dinner reservations (which John would be paying for, because that was a thing that boyfriends did, thank you very much Mister Sassy Detective with a Trust Fund).

After he paid, John began the walk back to Baker Street and allowed his mind to wander towards what the latter portion of the evening would surely entail. He was just getting to the part where Sherlock was on his knees and begging for mercy for the second time when he entered 221B through the front door and practically skipped up the stairs.

“I’m home!” he called out.

“Bedroom!” came Sherlock’s response.

Speaking of which… John’s mind teased impishly as he set down the grocery bags and followed his boyfriend’s voice into his – ahem, their – bedroom.

However, once he got there, he was surprised to see the room in a state of near total disarray that, while not dissimilar to the rest of their home, was still surprising when it came to Sherlock. The detective’s clothes, which consisted primarily of stylish suits and collared shirts, occupied nearly every available surface. Just as John thought he had seen the entirety of his boyfriend’s closet, he spotted Sherlock himself over by the wardrobe, still carrying more.

“Oh, hello there!” Upon seeing John, Sherlock moved quickly across the room to press an affectionate kiss onto the shorter man’s cheek before returning to his task. “Welcome back.”

John smiled at the gesture, but grew confused when he saw the empty suitcase lying on the floor. Turning towards Sherlock, he raised an eyebrow.

“Are you going on a trip, love?”

"Yes,” answered Sherlock. “And so are you. We’ve got a case!”

“Another one?” asked John, for they had only just finished solving their previous case yesterday. But business was business. “Where to?”

“Gavin didn’t say,” responded Sherlock. “But apparently it’s a good one – a triple murder with no leads, no suspects, and no witnesses whatsoever!” He jumped excitedly in place. “It’s practically Christmas!”

Anyone else would have been horrified upon hearing such words, but John couldn’t help but smile fondly at the younger man’s enthusiasm. Obviously, it was contagious.

“That’s great then,” he said. “When are we leaving?”

“Tomorrow,” said Sherlock. “Graham said he’d meet us at the train station to sort out the details.”

“Tomorrow?” John’s previous excitement died down a little. “But that’s–”

“What?” asked Sherlock, the picture of innocence. “What’s tomorrow? Have I missed something?” He ceased moving around the bedroom for a moment to gather his thoughts.

“It’s not your birthday,” he mused. “And it’s not my birthday, and it can’t be our anniversary because we’ve only been going out properly for about a month now.” He paused. “What am I missing?”

John was shocked. “You… you don’t know what tomorrow is?”

“No,” asked Sherlock. "Am I supposed to?”

John opened his mouth to tell him, but Sherlock suddenly cut him off.

“Oh!” he cried out. “I know what tomorrow is!”

“You do?” John smiled with relief.

“Yes!” said Sherlock. “February 14th, the birth date of Benjamin Baillaud!”

John’s stomach dropped. “What?”

“Benjamin Baillaud,” said Sherlock. “French astronomer, born 1848, founding president of the International Astronomical Union.” He smiled proudly. “That’s right, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” John masked his disappointment and forced a smile, even though he’d never heard of this Benjamin Baillaud person before in his life. “Yeah, that’s it.”

“Would hate to forget that, wouldn’t I?” Sherlock seemed strangely oblivious to the change in John’s composure as he continued to make his way about the bedroom, grabbing various items and tossing them in the direction of his open suitcase. “Important day, that one.”

“Yeah,” John’s voice grew quieter as he sighed in resignation. “Yeah, it is.”

Glancing over his shoulder, Sherlock finally appeared to take notice of the shift in John’s demeanor as the latter stood stock still in the center of the room, arms crossed over his chest and staring at the floor. Setting down the suit jacket he’d planned on packing, Sherlock went over to John and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pulling the doctor close to his chest and resting his cheek on top of his head.

“I love you,” he said softly.

The way he said it, so plainly yet with so much sincerity, was enough to lift John’s dejection just the tiniest bit as he unfolded his arms and wrapped them around Sherlock, resting his head against the taller man’s chest.

“I love you too,” he responded.

Bringing his head back, he found Sherlock smiling gently down at him and couldn’t help but grin back. Damn it all, no matter how much he tried, there was no way John could ever stay truly angry at Sherlock, especially when the detective was looking at him like that. Standing on his tiptoes, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto the latter’s waiting lips.

Sherlock responded in kind, tilting his head to one side and reaching up to gently cradle the back of John’s neck. They stayed like that for several minutes before they finally broke apart, Sherlock’s face already taking on that telltale flush.

“Now then Doctor Watson,” he said. “I believe you ought to get packing. We leave very early tomorrow morning.”

“All right love,” John smiled. “I’ll get to it.”

Pulling away from Sherlock, he made his way over towards the chest of drawers and began rummaging inside for his own sets of clothing. Even though he wasn’t feeling as sad as he was a few minutes ago, he couldn’t deny that a part of him was still disappointed Sherlock hadn’t remembered Valentine’s Day.

You stop that, John’s mind told him firmly. Just because he forgot that tomorrow is a romantic holiday doesn’t mean that he’s forgotten about you. You know he loves you.

Of course John knew that Sherlock loved him. Not only did he tell him that on a regular basis, but he also made sure to show him at any given opportunity. What the detective lacked in social graces he made up for in pretty much everything else – doing the dishes, making him tea, and commenting on every single one of his blog posts, just to name a few. After the absolute train wreck that his last relationship turned out to be, John considered himself very lucky to even get the chance to be with Sherlock at all.

Deep down though, John was still just the tiniest bit sad. Valentine’s Day was supposed to be a day about love, and there was nothing the doctor loved more on this planet than one William Sherlock Scott Holmes. He’d been looking forward to being able to express that love in every way he knew how, but clearly that would have to wait.

Oh well, he sighed as he grabbed a second suitcase in which to neatly place his clothing into. Such was life, and it couldn’t be helped. While John packed though, he tried not to think of the simple chocolates that were still tucked away in the grocery bags downstairs, chocolates which he’d hoped Sherlock would understand the significance of.

It is what it is.

The next day, John and Sherlock woke up bright and early and, after a quick breakfast, went down to King’s Cross station to meet Lestrade. Despite every fiber of John’s being wishing that the two of them were still cuddled up in bed, John followed Sherlock closely to the designated meeting point, yawning all the way.

“All right now, gentlemen,” said Lestrade when they got there. “As promised, here are your tickets. Train leaves the station in half an hour, make sure the both of you are on it.”

“Thank you, Geoff,” said Sherlock, taking the tickets and immediately handing them off to John. “I’m sure we’ll have no trouble.”

Lestrade smiled wryly as he looked back and forth between the pair. “Keep me posted, fellas.”

Turning around, Sherlock began walking towards the platform where the train would be leaving from while John trailed closely behind him, eyes skimming over the tickets to see exactly where they would be going today.

“Hang on now, Sherlock.” John stopped in place on the platform as his eyes widened in surprise. “We’re going to Paris?”

“Hmm?” Sherlock paused and turned around to face John. “Oh, yes, it would seem so,” he said airily. “Ever been?”

“Uh,” John stared at Sherlock in astonishment. “No!”

“Me neither,” Sherlock’s eyes danced with mirth. “But I hear it’s lovely, especially when there’s murder afoot. Come along, John!” He shouted, beginning a brisk walk towards the loading area. John stared at him for another long moment, before quickly darting off after him.

The train ride itself was several hours long, and John slept for most of it. He’d attempted to stay awake while he tried to figure out exactly what Sherlock was up to, but the gentle lull of the train combined with the familiar and comforting scent of Sherlock were both enough to knock him right out, and he wound up drifting off onto the detective’s shoulder.

Sherlock gave another smile, a soft, tender one that John couldn’t see, before turning towards his phone to go through the details of the case before their arrival. A few hours later, the train finally pulled into the station, and Sherlock was sadly forced to nudge John’s head from the proximity of his shoulder.

“John,” he said gently. “Wake up, we’re here.”

“Hnn,” Wincing a little, John sat up fully in his seat and stretched his arms out above his head. “Already?”

“Time flies,” Sherlock couldn’t help but grin before standing up to grab his and John’s suitcases from the rack above. “Speaking of which, we have none to waste. Come on, John.”

Yawning, John took hold of his luggage and followed Sherlock off the train and onto the platform. The pair made their way quickly through the crowded station, before finally stepping outside and into the busy city. Once there, Sherlock was able to hail a cab to take them to their hotel, and John couldn’t help but be impressed as he spoke to the driver in perfect French.

“I didn’t know you knew French,” he managed.

“Hmm?” asked Sherlock. “Oh that,” he said nonchalantly. “I learned it in school a long time ago. Wasn’t sure if I’d ever need it, but I suppose it never hurts to be safe, does it mon coeur?”

He smiled at John indulgently, and John’s mouth fell open in shock, head rapidly filling with images of Sherlock uttering those words again and again while lying supine on his back, legs spread wide and mouth open in ecstasy as John pounded in and out of him…

Not the time, Watson, not the time.

Rather than respond to his facial expression, Sherlock merely laughed softly and turned his gaze towards the window of the cab, taking in the beautiful ornate buildings and classic style of architecture as they drove through the city center. A few minutes later, the cab finally stopped outside their hotel.

John was the first to disembark, with Sherlock following closely behind him. The pair made their way towards the front desk for check in before climbing the stairs to where their room was. Again, John found himself impressed once he saw the room they’d been assigned for the case.

“This is nice,” he said, tossing his luggage aside and flopping down onto the large bed.

“It is,” Sherlock took a seat down next to him. “I’m pleasantly surprised.”

Glancing upwards at him, John smiled mischievously as he leaned over to rest his hand on the small of Sherlock’s back, fingers beginning to trail downwards.

“Going to join me?” he asked.

Sherlock’s eyes slid shut for a brief moment, reveling in John’s touch, before he popped them open once again and sprung off the bed.

“Afraid not!’ he said a little too loudly. “Can’t dawdle, case to be solved! Have to go to the Eiffel Tower!”

Grabbing his trademark coat, he dashed out of the room, and John sighed heavily before standing up to follow him. No matter, he told himself. The day wasn’t over yet, there was yet enough time to convince Sherlock to get back into that comfy bed.

Picking up his own jacket plus the room key, John followed Sherlock out the front door of the hotel and down the bustling sidewalk full of people. Just as he was convinced he was going to lose him, the detective paused in place and reached back to take hold of John’s hand.

“Stay close to me,” he said with a smile. “Wouldn’t want you getting lost, now would we?”

Despite everything, John couldn’t help but smile back at Sherlock as the latter guided him down the busy street. It took a couple minutes for the pair to maneuver their way through all the people, but once they rounded the corner at the end of the block, they finally came upon what they’d been looking for: the Eiffel Tower.

“Oh my god.”

John barely had time to look twice at the enormous structure before Sherlock continued to quickly pull him along, closer towards where the tower entrance itself was. A moment later, they were standing right in front of it, and Sherlock paused in place to catch his breath. While he did so, John tilted his head back and looked up at the tower.

“Wow,” he said.

“Mmm,” agreed Sherlock. “Remarkable, isn’t it?”

“I’ll say,” said John, before stopping and shaking his head quickly. No, no time for gawking. The sooner they got this over with, the sooner they could explore the city, and the sooner John would have Sherlock all to himself again.

“All right then,” said John. “What now?”

"Hmm?” Sherlock stole a glance over towards John. “What was that?”

“What do we do now?” John asked. “We’re here to solve the case, right?”

“The case?” asked Sherlock.

“Yes, the case!” John stared up at him, dumbfounded and more than a little annoyed. “That’s what we came here for, right? To solve the case?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, John.”

Now John was angry. “No idea what I’m talking about?!” he shouted. “You cannot be serious, Sherlock! You drag us all the way to Paris, bloody Paris, to solve a case that, if I’m being honest, you already get millions of in London, on bloody Valentine’s Day nonetheless, not the birthday of some stupid astronomer whom nobody but you has ever heard of, and you have the nerve to tell me that you have no idea what I’m talking abou-mmf!”

Anything John was going to say next completely disappeared from his train of thought when Sherlock strode up to him and pressed his lips against his.

John’s eyes widened and his body went stock still as the detective placed his hands on either side of his face and pulled him in for a deep kiss. John blinked a couple of times in shock, before his eyes slid closed and he began kissing Sherlock back in earnest. He’d never been kissed like this before, not by Sarah or Jeanette and certainly not by Mary (her being a murderous assassin and nearly killing Sherlock had pretty much killed any hint of romance between them). It didn’t matter anymore though, because Sherlock’s kiss was enough to make him forget every single one.

Such a kiss it was that John’s knees nearly gave out beneath him and he found himself leaning into his detective for support, one hand coming up to settle on his chest while the other tenderly cupped his jaw, brushing back a stray curl in the process. Once they broke apart, Sherlock cradled John’s face in both his hands and looked down at him with a gaze so full of love and tenderness that John was at a complete loss for words.

"Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.”

John’s jaw dropped as he gazed dumbly up at the man he loved. “You…” he managed to say. “You remembered.”

"Of course I did,” murmured Sherlock tenderly. “I could never forget an entire day dedicated to celebrating the one you love most. It always seemed so trivial to me, but ever since meeting you, I’ve found myself looking forward to it immensely.” He bestowed another kiss onto John’s lips and pressed their foreheads together. “Now the only question was the matter of getting you here without drawing suspicion.”

“Wait a minute,” John drew back a little. “Are you telling me there wasn’t a case after all?”

“Oh no, there was,” said Sherlock. “I just solved it yesterday over the phone so there would be nothing to impede upon our time together.”

“Oh my god,” John laughed. “You planned this!”

“I did,” Sherlock admitted. “It was not an easy task, but I was lucky to have some help in doing so.”

“You mean Greg…?”

“Knew the whole time.”

“And you did all of this… for me?”

“All for you.” Wrapping John up in his arms, he gave him another soft kiss on the mouth. “I love you, John.”

“I love you too, Sherlock,” said John with a smile. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

The two embraced once again, before Sherlock pulled back and took John by the hand. “Now,” he said. “I do believe we are standing near the tallest and most famous structure in all of Paris, and lucky for us, we have tickets. Would you care to join me at the top, Dr. Watson?”

John laughed lightly and entwined his fingers with Sherlock’s. “Oh god, yes.”

THE END