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#(& also just kinda hoping it'll make its way back to the us)

genericpuff · 2 months

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i had a post in the works talking about some of my personal life shit and the things i'm looking to do with rekindled this year to help make personal life shit easier aaand then i fell asleep for a nap and when i woke up Rachel announced that LO was ending in less than 10 episodes ??

sooo yeah i'm officially saving that post for later, because LO is officially ending, with an actual end date. It does mean that it's not ending at the start of Spring like my initial prediction, which is a bummer (because that would have been really cool LMAOOO) but it does mean it gets to go on long enough to resolve the current plot arc. As for every other plotline in the story... yeah, those aren't getting wrapped up, at least not in any way that could be satisfying.

For over the last year LO has been a series of "wait seriously???" and this is yet another, though it's kind of different this time. We knew the end was coming and practically begging for Rachel to pick an end date because for many, following along with this comic has become a Sisyphean task week after week. It's bittersweet in a way, but . . . I also kinda don't feel anything? Maybe it's just my 'tism, maybe it's just the fact that I'm so tired of following this series, but I just... don't feel joy, but I don't feel dread. It's ending and that's that. As all things come and go in life, some day there won't be any more LO, and that day is May 11th.

I will miss the weekly readalongs that I would do with pals, the memes we'd make out of the new material, but I don't think I'm going to miss the comic and everything it said and did. At this point reading LO feels like watching a horse struggle to breathe and you're just begging the farmer to put it out of its misery, but the farmer thinks "No no, it'll be fine! It'll get back up in no time!" and it's like... no, it desperately needs to be put to rest 💀

I still have my two drafts stowed away, both on opposing sides of the fence depending on how LO turns out-

-and now we finally have an end date on when those essays will be written.

I don't know how I feel yet about it ending. These are complicated feelings to sort through regarding a comic that's basically been my life for the last few years, even before I turned into a critic of it. I'm just glad there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm glad even my "love to hate it" energy has been waning on it the past few weeks anyways so that the end of it all can feel as painless as possible LOL Don't get me wrong, there will still be plenty to discuss after the comic, I don't think the antiLO/ULO community will just disappear into a puff of smoke as soon as LO is over, but I think a lot of us are also equally relieved that the comic made it this easy to stop reading and that it now has an end point.

And most of all, I'm hoping that whatever ending the comic brings, even if it just winds up being the S2 finale all over again for the critics, is still satisfying for the fans who have stuck around with it this long. The people who have loved this comic through it all at least deserve a proper send-off and I really hope Rachel gives it to them.

As for me... I'm not going anywhere, but it's been nice to stuff the overflowing clothes of LO back into its drawer within my brain. I want to make room for other drawers, other things, other pieces of work that will undoubtedly bring me more joy and entertainment. I don't know what yet, but it's nice to know the drawers aren't overflowing anymore.

And that's all I'm gonna say on that.

#lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical

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onismdaydream · 4 months

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sweet like candy (ft. satoru gojo)

tags: mdni. 18+. afab reader. slight sub gojo. handjob. slight bondage (restricted wrists). pet names. makeshift gag (underwear). reader is kinda mean. not proofread.

notes: happy valentine's day?? idk this was a dumb thought that got longer than i expected! i also didnt feel like going through and editing lol hope you like it anyways :3 reblogs/comments are very much appreciated!

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it's funny, really, how quickly satoru gojo folds underneath you.

he loves to be an asshole, thrives on the attention it gets him. he's never been one to keep his mouth shut and everyone knows it. so sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

he doesn't mind, not one bit, when you make him sit on a chair and bind his wrists behind the back. it's not the best knot but it'll suffice — especially if he knows what's good for him. there's that smug little smirk that often makes its home on satoru's pretty face.

"what's this, angel? do i get a prize?" still so cocky... you'll have to fix that. your hands gently slide up his abdomen, starting from his firm stomach and resting at his pecs. his shirt rises with the movement and you can feel the way his body tenses slightly as his breath hitches. if it was anyone else, they might not have noticed it, but you did. despite the way he parades around, he's all bark and no bite. he crumbles as soon as you so much as lay a finger on him.

you hum softly, a dismissive sound. "something like that." sliding his shirt the rest on the way up so it sits above his collarbone, your fingers graze over his sensitive nipples, already beginning to harden from the cool air and your touch.

"should've stripped me first," satoru breathes out a chuckle. "gonna be hard to do when i'm tied up."

you don't respond, instead you keep your gaze on his exposed skin. there's faint red scratches that contrast nicely with his pale complexion — a reminder of the previous night. your nails had dug into his chest as you rode him, little crescent moons that morphed into long and narrow wounds when satoru desperately bucked his hips further into you.

"c'mon, baby," the white haired sorcerer looks up at you with that ridiculously pretty smile, something akin to mischief sparkling in his equally ridiculously pretty eyes. "don't make me wait."

you flatten your hands on his chest, squeezing the firm muscles of his pecs. if gojo was watching your expression, he might've kept his mouth shut.

"like what you see?"

"i'd like it better if it was quieter," you retort, your gaze flicking up and catching his own. satoru's face falters for a moment — his eyes widening and smile dropping — from the unexpected words, but he quickly recovers. he loved playing this game as much as you did.

"aw, don't be like that. you know you love me." that shit-eating grin makes its way to his lips, his perfect teeth catching the low light of the room.

one of your hands reaches down, palming at the bulge in his sweatpants, the other one resting on his waist. he was half hard already. though satoru's pretty much always hard at a moment's notice when it came to you. a low and quiet groan leaves the back of his throat, your palm putting much appreciated pressure on him. "mm, i suppose i do."

even with the layer of fabric in between his cock and your hand, you could feel it kick and throb as you touched him, soft noises of pleasuring slipping past his lips.

"yeahhh," satoru sighs, his head falling back as you pull him out and finally get your hands on him. "just like that, baby."

you knew satoru like no other, knew him like the back of your own hand. he didn't have to guide you on what to do because you were already doing it. drooling on his cock and mixing your saliva with his precum for makeshift lube to make the glide of your fist even better, stroking him nice and slow, using just the right amount of pressure so that it teeters on painful — you picked these things up naturally as you spent more and more time with gojo.

but that meant that he was constantly babbling, too. equal amounts of praise and curses, satoru could never shut his mouth.

"fuuuck, angel, no one's as good as you. always feels so fuckin' good." his hips buck up when your thumb teases over his slit, smearing more of his pearly precum around his sensitive tip.

he's vaguely aware of when you slip your other hand underneath your skirt, but he's too caught up in the feeling of your hot tongue licking up the underside of his shaft, eyes squeezing shut in pleasure. "shit, baby."

too caught up to realize that you're not touching yourself, instead, you're sliding off your underwear. and the next time he opens his mouth, you take the opportunity to shove them on his tongue. gojo's eyes shoot open, piercing blue focusing on your smirking face.

"you talk too much," you say simply, pushing the soft panties further in his mouth, making him gag, the sound muffled. not giving him time to adjust, your pace on his cock picks up, your strokes becoming tougher and sloppier.

satoru whines around the fabric, his own drool pooling at the corners of his lips as he's forced to taste and smell you. it's intoxicating, really. he should feel dirty and gross as your used panties sit on top of his tongue, but he doesn't. it's almost as if his head is buried in your cunt, the sweet and distinct arousal that is undeniably you suffocating his senses. not quite as strong and certainly not as good as actually having his head between your thighs, but almost.

he can feel the knot in his stomach getting tighter, your lips around his tip and hands on his shaft working him closer and closer to the edge, until he finally falls.

you pull away from his cock, letting the ropes of cum hit against his flexing stomach, mixing with the faint trail of white hair. his cock kicks as you work him through his orgasm, a stifled cry emanating from the sorcerer.

your panties are absolutely and thoroughly soaked when you remove them from satoru's mouth. he opens and closes his jaw a few times, stretching it out and regaining feeling in the area.

"could'a told me to stop talking," he grumbles, though his lips quirk up just the slightest amount. he's not ready to admit it — yet, at least — but he enjoyed that a lot more than he thought.

you laugh softly, a stark contrast to how you were just mere moments ago. "where's the fun in that, toru?"

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk smut #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x reader #gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #perce.doc #.jjkai

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delaber · 2 years

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The Massage (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: Despite the ache in his thigh, Bucky has been avoiding the new massage therapist for quite some time now.

Note: Okay, so due to an unnecessarily hot gif (and I mean unnecessarily hot), the original post with this story was unfortunately put in tumblr jail last night. This is a repost of that story. Please help me by spreading this fic even if you've already reblogged the original. I'd appreciate it immensely ❤️

Warnings: Smut, smut, and purely smut - with a plot! Pining, teasing, edging, Bucky is highly stimulated from his massage. Slight age kink and with a fluffy ending.

Words: 6.1K

For five months, Bucky has avoided coming here like the plague. He has made up excuses, hid in his bedroom, tried ordering all sorts of remedies online, and has even resorted to massaging the aching thigh himself, but of course Sam - the rat - had eventually had enough of his moaning and complaining, and had told on Bucky first chance he got.

Bucky knows that his annoyance towards Sam is uncalled for - that his thigh has become a nuisance, a reliability that is keeping him from performing as well in the field as he used to, but even though he has long since realised that the strain in the muscle will feel a lot better after just a few rounds of professional massage, he's still been praying every night for it to go away on its own just to avoid finding himself in exactly the situation he's in now: visiting the in-house massage therapist who also happens to have his heart beating a little faster every time she smiles at him. You.

He knows there's no way out, that he eventually has to knock on the door in front of him and step inside your office, but his heart is racing like crazy in his chest and the jump from the window right next to him might not result in a particularly comfortable landing but it will definitely be more comfortable than the hell he surely will release upon himself when he feels your touch. It's a professional setting and the things he wants to do to you are fucking far from professional! He shouldn't even be having these thoughts; you're friends - colleagues even - and he's so much older than you. It's... creepy.

"It's just an hour, it's just an hour," he closes his eyes and breathes hard, hopes it's enough to calm himself down and forget about all the wonderful self-relief sessions he's had with you painted on the back of his eyelids. "- you can behave yourself for one hour..." he sighs and reluctantly releases the tense muscles of his right arm so the closed fist falls forwards and hits the door in front of him with a bang much louder than intended.

For a second, everything goes quiet.

He hopes it's because you have forgotten all about the appointment Sam fixed between you a few days prior, but then he hears shuffling on the other side of the wall, and it doesn't take long before the door with your name written on it swings open and reveals your bright smile that immediately warms up his abdomen.

"Bucky!" you exclaim happily and make room for him in the doorway, "come on in!"

"Thanks..." he mumbles more grumpily than intended and steps inside the dimly lit room that smells like flowers, warm citrus and that massage oil that has made your fingers more softer-looking than anything he's ever set his eyes on before. It's a setup for failure.

"I'm so happy you're here! I was wondering when you'd finally stop by," you chirp happily from behind him and even though he can hear the question in your voice, he's not about to answer why he hasn't sought your help sooner. "Sam tells me you pulled a muscle in your groin a couple of months back."

"Yeah," he clears his throat and avoids looking you directly in the eye, "it's no big deal, it'll heal..."

"I kinda figured you'd say something like that," you happily tilt your head to the side and search his face, "why don't you strip down to your underwear and I'll take a look at what I can do to help you."

Oh doll, you can do so much to help me! He clears his throat and bites back the unwelcome thought as he quickly pulls off his shirt and jeans.

"Okay, so tell me," you smile at him when he sits down on the massage bed and spreads his legs out to the sides so you have easier access to the affected area. "- exactly where is the pain located?"

Ready to get this whole ordeal done and over with, he quickly points to the area on his inner thigh that feels as if someone's plunging a knife deep into the tissue every time he takes a step forwards. "Right here - but it's really not a big deal. You don't have to do this."

"It's my job," you chuckle sweetly before you direct your gaze down to the area surrounding his groin.

Immediately, Bucky can feel his face grow hot as your beautiful eyes visually inspect the skin right below the hem of his boxer shorts, and he has to keep himself from instinctively closing his legs shut in silent embarrassment.

"Hmm, you do look a bit tense..." you scrunch up your nose in concentration and the warmth in his stomach deepens. You're way too cute for your own good. " - I think I'd like to start off by loosing up the muscles around your hipbone. Could you turn around and lie down on your stomach please?" you ask and look up into his eyes with a cute little gaze. He's never had you this up close before and it's definitely doing something bad to him.

"Yep," he croaks and immediately turns around so his burning face meets the hole in the mattress below him.

He can hear you squeeze out a gentle amount of massage oil from a tube next to the bed and you heat it up by rubbing it between your hands while he with closed fists and hypervigilant senses braces himself for the inevitable touch.

"Alright, Barnes. I'm gonna start touching you gently now," you say in a soft, professional tone and he cannot help but squeeze his eyes shut. "- don't worry, it'll feel good."

"Yeah," he clears his throat and desperately focuses on his jumping nerves to try and get them under control. Your words of comfort are not exactly reassuring when 'feeling good' is exactly what he's worried about...

"Here we go," you conclude in a quiet sing-song voice right before you gently put your hands on his upper thigh and start running your fingers over the tight bundle of painful muscles. It hurts at first but after just a few seconds of your fingers on his skin, he can feel the tightness slowly disappearing.

Professionally, you massage the aching tissue deeper and deeper, and Bucky feels how his jaw slowly eases up in time with the tension of his thigh. Your fingers are dancing over his lower half, squeezing the tight muscles and caressing his skin, and it doesn't take long before your warm fingers and the citrus in the air send his protective parades crumbling. Suddenly, his thigh doesn't really hurt anymore and he's so relaxed that he let's go of the tension in his shoulders too and his eyes automatically close shut without warning. A slow song is playing soothingly from somewhere in the room and while your fingers are working magic on his tissue, he feels himself disappear into it.

Your hands are slowly moving from the middle of his leg to the area right underneath the hem of his boxers, and your oily fingers suddenly slip down to his inner thigh where they warmly start kneading the skin.

You move his leg a little out to the side and briefly press in on a point near his crotch that has him soaring! Sweetheart, it feels so good, he almost groans and melts into the mattress when he suddenly feels a stray finger touch an even more sensitive area on his already burning skin. Ah fuck! He has to stop himself from whimpering as your warm palms soothe his sore muscles while the soft pad from your stray finger gently rubs and touches the sensitive spot on his gracilis muscle right where it attaches to the back of his pelvis. Shit, he feels amazing! He just wants your soft, oily hands to stay on him forever! Just wants them to rub and tug and slip further and further down between his thighs until they eventually slip inside his boxers and feel the warm, pulsing area where he really wants your touch! And if he's lucky, you might just ask him to flip around onto his back so you can climb on top of him in your cute little uniform and pull back the skin at the tip of his cock with your hands. Or your mouth. Or your glistening, tight, wet pussy. Fuck!

He hisses.

Involuntarily, and because he's so relaxed, he's accidentally managed to excite himself a little too much and now there's nothing he can do to stop it! He wants to - but oh God he can't! So when he feels the blood rush from his stomach and down to the only region he does not want it right now, he can only lie there and panic in silence.

He feels himself grow hard in time with his blurring vision and he wants to tell you to stop your motions, to let go of him and leave the room pronto, but how the hell is he supposed to do that without giving himself and his treacherous dick away? You can never know the effect you have on him! You're so sweet, and so young and innocent, and he's almost fucking forty! Fuck, he's sweating like crazy!

Blissfully unaware of the inner battle going on inside Bucky's head, you keep massaging his thigh heavenly, and even though he tries so hard to think of something else - anything else! - he can only think of the soft touch you're providing... Your hands are so warm and so oily and he's growing harder and harder by the second while your innocent fingers dance only mere inches away from his not so innocent erection.

Fuck, fuck, fuck what the fuck is he supposed to do now?

"Barnes, are you okay?" You ask him gently and slow down your movements so your hands almost come to a halt when you feel him tensing up, "- do you want me to ease up a little?"

"No, no, it's fine," he breathes and feels a fresh surge of blood streaming down to his crotch when your fingers stroke his thigh affectionately to get him to relax. As long as he stays on his front, it shouldn't be an issue. He has time to make the raging boner go away before you ask him to turn around.

"Okay, good. Let me know if you need a break," you hum and touch him gently while he thinks of baseball, of cold cups of coffee and stale crackers, of Sam's oldie slippers and the stain on the floor below him - anything to try and control the relentless erection that is pulsing and screaming and begging to be touched!

But no matter how hard he tries, his erection won't calm down. Not when you're touching him so sweetly.

"Alright Barnes," you say after a few of his panicked minutes and slowly take a step backwards. "Could you turn around for me please?"

Fuck...

He opens his eyes and fixates his gaze on the stain below him as his face heats up. "T-turn around?" he gulps and feels how his entire body suddenly seems to be impatiently pulsing along with the prominent erection.

"Yeah, I'd like to take a look at your groin now that we've loosened your muscles up a bit."

Jesus fucking Christ, he's sweating balls! How's he ever going to recover from this?

"You know what? It already feels better thanks!" he tries and hopes he sounds convincing and not too panicked.

"Yes, well you've been lying down for twenty minutes," you chuckle, "- it'll come back as soon as you start moving, trust me."

"I can always come back tomorrow if it acts up again."

"We both know you won't..."

"No, I promise. It already feels so much better!"

"Barnes, what's wrong?"

Fuck, there's truly no way out...

"Sweetheart," he clenches his eyes shut and prepares himself for your terrible reaction to what he's about to confess, "I have a bit of a - uh - a... problem..."

"A problem? What kind of problem?" you sound concerned, and if it hadn't been for the horrible situation he's in, his chest would've probably swelled with pride that you care for him.

"It's a - uhm, shit - it's a... guy's problem."

"Oh?" You become quiet for half a second and he can practically hear how the gears in your head turn until the penny suddenly drops. "Oh!" you let go of him as if you've been scorched by fire and he suddenly feels so much worse. Poor woman.

"Yep," his voice is thick and awkward, and he wishes he had jumped out the window when he still had the chance. Now he's gonna scare you away for good and it's all Sam's fault!

"Hey - hey, it's okay," you reassure him softly and put a hand down between his shoulder blades when his entire body goes rigid with shame. "Barnes, it's a perfectly normal reaction to a massage in that area! Please don't feel embarrassed about it - you're not the first client in here who's been experiencing a problem. Sometimes it just happens."

He feels a weird pang of jealousy when he thinks about how your sweet, innocent hands have made some of his male friends at the compound as raging horny as he is right now. He doesn't have the heart to tell you that it doesn't have anything to do with the massage itself and everything to do with the person who's giving it.

"Come on, just turn around for me, okay? I won't hold it against you. I know it's nothing personal."

But it is, he thinks to himself before he with a tight-lipped smile and clenched jaw turns around on the massage table. He knows you well enough to know that you won't let him go before you've looked at his thigh.

He gulps when he sees how tightly his boxers are draped over his hips and the massive erection is standing like a fucking pole vaulter in the air between you. "Jesus fuck, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," you smile professionally while looking anywhere than directly at his embarrassing vulnerability. "Maybe it's better if you sit?"

"Yeah, yeah maybe," he sighs in defeat and swings his legs over the side of the mattress as he pathetically tries to readjust himself so the erection tucked inside his grey boxers does not look as prominent as it did while lying down.

"You good?" you ask when he stops shuffling and he quickly nods in return. "Good - you wanna continue?"

Not really. "Yeah, whatever."

"Alright," you step over to him and professionally fix your gaze on his thigh, "could you spread your legs apart a little?"

"Sure," he does as he's told while clearing his throat, pretty sure that his entire face is currently a mixture between plum- and beet-coloured.

"Let me know if it's too much, okay?" you smile reassuringly and slowly reach your hands forwards.

"Mm-hmm," he clenches his jaw shut to avoid involuntary sounds when your small fingers finally touch his thigh again and you quickly resume your massage with a professional expression slapped across your face.

Carefully, you move the hem of his boxers a little upwards and squeeze out a gentle amount of massage oil into the palm of your hand before you make the mistake of looking him deep in the eye as your fingers find his skin again. The look you're sending him is giving him goosebumps and you gulp and briefly look away when he involuntarily hisses at the touch.

"Barnes, you - uh - you want a towel or something?" You ask and he can practically hear the discomfort in your voice.

More embarrassed than he's ever been, he looks down at himself and notices how the entire front of his boxers is now soaked in pre-cum. "Oh god!" He instinctively pulls his hand over to cover up the huge wet stain and feels how his ears grow impossibly warm. "Fuck, I am so, so sorry."

"It's okay," you hand him a small white towel to cover himself with.

"God, I'm so fucking embarrassed," he drops the cloth down into his groin and wishes he could disappear down into the mattress instead of facing this absolute hellish nightmare! "You must think I'm such a creep..."

"No it's alright," you smile sheepishly and start working on his thigh again, clearly feigning a professional attitude.

He sighs. He cannot believe he's doing this to you.

"Barnes don't worry, okay? I know you're a nice guy."

"Still..." he clenches his eyes shut as your small fingers find one of the sensitive spots on his inner thigh underneath the hem of his boxers and has to lock his jaw to avoid giving out a groan.

He can hear how you chuckle lightly from behind the stars that are blinking on the back of his eyelids.

"I'm glad you're amused."

"Sorry, sorry," you snigger softly, "I've just never seen you this discomposed before. I'll be quick so we can get you back to your room to take care of it," you joke to diffuse the tension.

"Yeah, thanks," he gulps and feels how yet another drop of precum leaves his leaking head when you press in on the spot again. He's so turned on he can feel his nostrils dilating, his thighs shaking, and he just wants to fucking reach inside his underwear and fuck his fist until he comes! God, this is so much worse than anything he could've ever imagined! He's going to kill Sam for this!

"Wow, you're really having a hard time," you smile a little to yourself as you steal a glance up at his pained expression.

"Give me a break, sweetheart," he groans with eyes snapped shut in embarrassment, "Your lubed-up hands are basically on my crotch and let's be honest," he gulps and slowly opens his eyes again, "- you're not exactly displeasing to look at."

Your eyes widen slightly at his confession before a proud smile tugs the corners of your mouth upwards. "What Barnes?" you chuckle proudly to yourself, "- you like the way I look?"

"Come on, don't pretend you don't notice half the guys here staring at you."

"Okay you got me there," you laugh sweetly and direct your attention back to your steady working hands, "I have noticed a few stray glances here and there - I just haven't noticed any from you, so yeah, I'm a bit surprised."

"Well, you can take this as confirmation that I like looking at you too," he awkwardly points to the throbbing erection between you. He figures it's better to discuss the elephant in the room instead of ignoring it. Maybe you can have a laugh about it later...

God, he hopes so.

"Hey, come on," you tilt your head to the side when you see his pained expression, "stop beating yourself up. It's a relaxed atmosphere in here and with the aromas and the music, I understand that some guys let go. It's completely normal."

"No, sweetheart, it's not," he sighs. "I don't know. At least not for me."

"It's not?" You chuckle while still working on his thigh.

"This has never happened before, I swear."

"So the fear of getting an accidental erection isn't the reason why you've avoided coming here?"

"No, sweetheart," he sighs and adjusts himself on the mattress, "it's not."

"So -" you bite your lower lip and fix your gaze on an undefined spot on his thigh to avoid his eye. "- if I understand you correctly; what you're basically saying is that you're hard because of, well, me?"

"Yep," he sucks in a breath of air when he feels your movements still and he braces himself for the angry rejection before he looks over at you. You're staring at him wide-eyed and doe-like with your mouth hanging a little open, not sure how to respond to his confession.

"I'm sorry," he croaks, "you must think I'm a total asshole..."

"No, no, no, not at all..." you shake your head and clear your throat while sending him a nervous glance. "I think you're quite cute, actually..."

His mind goes completely blank. He's been called many things in his life, but never that.

"...cute?"

"Yeah," you nod quietly. "I - uhm - I guess I've been having this teensy tiny crush on you so - uhm - yeah," you smile, all flustered, "- you know."

"You have a crush on me?"

"Yeah," you scrunch up your nose and lick your lips. "I mean... look at you," you gesture to nothing in particular, and he can feel his chest go all warm with pride as you look him over.

"So you're not freaked out?"

"No, no not at all," you admit with a shake of your head. "You've been driving me up the wall for ages, you know."

"I - I have?"

"Yeah..." you nod, "I've actually been hoping you'd stop by here so I'd have an excuse to, you know, touch you," you admit and now it's your turn to look embarrassed. "It's wildly unprofessional, I know."

"No, no you're good. You're being very professional about... this," he nods while pointing to his crotch. "I swear, if I wasn't so insanely attracted to you, I wouldn't be so... bothered."

"Yeah, you do look a bit flushed," you give him a crooked smile.

"I know..."

"So..." you bite your lower lip again and move in close enough for him to hear your heartbeat, to suddenly smell that you're aroused too and it's driving him absolutely insane! "...I have a crush on you," you stroke his thigh affectionately, "- and you have a crush on me."

He nods and scoots a little closer to you, careful not to scare your hand away from its close proximity to his crotch. "What are we gonna do about that?" he pants and puts a hand to your face, stroking your cheek and hoping to dear God that you'll let him kiss you.

"I don't know," you whisper and lean in close, stopping with your lips mere inches from his and with huge doe eyes staring straight at him.

"My god," he groans and runs his thumb over your cheek again, "you are beautiful," he whispers and slowly moves his face until his lips finally come into contact with yours.

The kiss starts off slowly. Bucky is careful not to pressure you into anything and simply just concentrates on the feeling of your impossibly soft lips on top of his. It's pillowy and wet, sensual and sexy and he's strung along, never wanting to let go of you.

"Peach," he whispers when your mouth strays away from his and starts moving down his jaw and throat. "Peach, you don't have to do this. Please don't feel pressured into anything just because I'm excited okay?"

"I'm excited too," you whisper and carefully place your hand on the tight bulge at the apex of his thighs so a bolt of lightening shocks through him. "- my excitement is just not as visible as yours," you place a wet kiss on top of his jugular. "You don't have to go back to your room to take care of this, you know," you bite back a smile as you stroke over his tight balls so his Adam's apple bounces uncomfortably in his throat.

"Sweetheart," he pants, not sure if this is really happening or if the sudden rush of blood to his crotch has him imagining things.

"I can help you..." you say quietly and move your palm over him so he gives out an involuntary groan.

"Doll," he sucks in some air and stutters his hips upwards, silently begging for more.

You understand his cue, and you lean in close so you can lick the shell of his ear as your fingers find their way underneath his waistband. As soon as your oily fingers come into contact with his burning skin, he can no longer hold back the moan that's been sitting on the edge of his throat for a good half hour now and he once again stutters his hips upwards when you close your fist around him and start stroking him slowly.

"Sweetheart," he groans against your skin and you give out a noticeable shudder when his hands snake under your shirt so he can caress the soft skin of your stomach. "Oh my God!" he whines and runs his nails over your waist, pulling you closer to him.

"You like this?" you whisper and tug his earlobe between your teeth.

"Fuck yes! I've been thinking about touching you since the first time I saw you."

"Yeah?" You pant against him and reach down to cup his balls with one hand while the other continuously strokes up and down his veiny shaft. "Been thinking of me all wet and naked for you?"

"Fuck," he whimpers and finds your pebbled nipples underneath your shirt and roll them between his fingers. "Yes."

"What have you been thinking about?"

"Your mouth," he breathes and pinches your nipples between his fingertips, "your slutty little mouth. All wet and tight for me."

"My mouth?" you giggle against him and gently bite down on his earlobe so he gasps loudly, "want me to make your little fantasy come true?"

"Oh god, yes doll! Please," he whimpers and you immediately drop to the floor between his open thighs, sitting on your knees and strutting your ass as you grab him by the root, rubbing his cock over your cheek and lips as he whines above you.

"Is this what you wanted?" you send him a wide-eyed look while your pink tongue finally pushes past your plump lips and lick the underside of his almost purple head.

"Fuck! Yes, yes doll! Please suck me" He hisses and feels his toes buzz when your tongue slowly runs over the slit at the tip, "ah baby!" he groans and watches how you flatten your tongue and wetly licks him all over his leaking head. "Please put me in your mouth, please!"

"I like you begging," you pant and lick him from root to tip, ending the long lap by closing your lips fully around him.

"Oh god, oh fuck," he shoots his head backwards, never looking away from the angel between his legs. Spit and precum is running down the side of his shaft and he swears, he's never felt this amazing before. He's about to explode just looking at you!

"Mmh," you hum around him, sending beautiful vibrations through his cock and all the way down to his balls.

"Look at you," he groans sinfully and notices how you clench your thighs together when he reaches forwards and strokes your cheek, "such a good girl for me, sweetheart. Are you getting all wet as you suck my cock?"

"Mmh," you nod with a muffled confirmation as your plump lips slide from base to tip and back down again.

"Ah - shit doll," he hisses while completely giving himself into you as he grabs your chin and strokes you affectionately.

"Mmh, Bucky," you whisper his name so sweetly and move your face so you can lap at his balls.

He throws his head backwards as your tongue stroke over the tight skin while your hand pumps him slowly. "Jesus fuck sweetheart," he moans and puts a finger under your chin forcing you to look back up at him. "Get up here. Now!"

Excitedly, you give him a hard suck before your let go of him with a soft pop and obediently oblige his command by climbing up on the mattress next to him.

"Mmh, look at what you're doing to me," he chuckles and leans in close so he can finally taste your lips again. Immediately, your tongue is inside his mouth and it's so wet and so warm that he grows even harder even though he didn't think it possible.

His hand snakes under your shirt again and you give out a small whine when he pulls it over your head.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted this," he pushes your breasts out of your bra and starts toying with your nipples. "It's crazy," he mumbles as he lies you down on the mattress and sucks your perky nipples between his lips, swirling his tongue around the bud.

Immediately, you arch your back and give out a sinful moan that reverberates through the dimly lit room and vibrates around his tighter than ever balls.

"Tell me what you want," he whispers against your skin and moves to the other nipple while his hand finds your panties underneath your white skirt. "God, you're already so wet for me," he whimpers and pushes his fingers underneath the hem of the soaked fabric so he can touch your warm skin.

"All for you," you arch your back and moan when he pushes two fingers inside of you, moving them rhythmically so they squelch and squeeze around your g-spot. You whimper and close your eyes, enjoying the sensations he's sending through your body, the tingle of warm flames that lick at the bottom of your spine.

"Tell me what you want, sweetheart," he repeats and licks your neck, "You deserve it."

"I want you inside of me," you moan and tug at his hair, the sensation deliciously toeing the line between pleasure and pain.

"You want me to fuck you?" He whispers and drags his teeth over your collarbone while his fingers pulsate inside of you.

"Yes!" You whine and pull at his hair again as a particularly loud moan escapes you.

"Oh sweetheart," he groans when his fingers slide out of you to the tune of a disappointed little whimper falling from your open mouth. "Don't worry, I'll fill you up," he kisses your collarbone and looks down between your sweating bodies as he lines himself up with your entrance and pushes himself half inside, giving himself a second to get used to the tightness that you provide. "Oh god," he whispers and pushes himself a little further inside, "fuck you're so sexy!"

"Fuck me, Bucky," you reach up and caress his chin as you wrap your legs around his waist, digging your heels into his ass and pushing him closer to you.

Suddenly, he's buried to the hilt. "Fuck me," he whispers and starts moving rhythmically to the sound of you squelching around him. "You are so fucking sexy!" He bites your nipples again, moving his hips slowly, sensually. "It's been so goddamn frustrating pretending that I'm not attracted to you when all I've been wanting to do is fuck you in every possible position around the compound."

"Yeah, think of what the others would say if they knew about this."

He gives out a whimper and can feel himself twitching inside of you at the thought before he starts rutting his hips faster, his hips snapping relentlessly into yours.

"You like that?" You smile naughtily and grab his ass, "you like that you're not supposed to fuck me?"

"Yes," he admits with a grunt and rolls his hips sensually, desperate for more friction.

"You like that I'm so young?" You clench tightly around him. "Wow, imagine what Sam would say! He would be so angry, you know that!"

"Fuck!" He gasps and falls forwards so his metal hand lands beside your head. He's close now, he can feel how every muscle of his body tenses up and he knows he just needs a few more snaps of his hips and he's coming - so he pulls out.

Panting relentlessly, he looks down at his throbbing dick, concentrating hard on not cumming all over the beautiful woman in front of him who's still whining and begging for his touch. "Not yet, not yet, not yet," he pants to himself and takes a deep breath before looking back at you. "Shit, you are so beautiful," he licks his lips and fixates his glance on your tiny fingers disappearing inside yourself.

Without thinking, he immediately falls to his knees on the floor beside the mattress and starts planting small, peppery kisses to the insides of your legs. You're soaking wet, moist all the way down your thighs, and he scratches his beard along the soft skin as he pushes your small fingers away, instead introducing his own digits and tongue to your swollen clit. "Mmh, baby," he mumbles against your wet skin and licks you all the way from hole to clit, giving the latter a hard suck that have you trembling above him.

You're tugging at his hair with one hand, pinching your nipples with the other as you arch your back and moan his name in time with the fingers he's thrusting in and out of you while lapping at your sex.

"Bucky, I'm so close," you whimper with eyes closed, your chest rising and falling in steady beats underneath your soaked nipples.

"Come for me," he whispers against your skin and ruts his hips into nothing while his fingers and tongue are working you expertly.

Your moans are rising in pitch and he can feel how you clench more and more around his fingers until it's so tight he's almost pushed out of you. "Bucky!" You half-moan, half-scream as you fall over the edge burying your fingers in his hair and - oh God, he's cumming too!

Without even being touched, cum is shooting out of him and pattering all over the linoleum flooring below his knees while his fingers and tongue are buried inside of you, and you pull so sweetly at his hair in desperation.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He grunts and ruts his hips into thin air as he keeps cumming even after you've released your hard grip around his hair. "Oh my god," he shoots back his head and can feel a drop of sweat trickling down his temple when he finally comes down from his high again. "Oh shit, oh fuck! Sweetheart, I - I just came all over your floor."

"It's okay," you smile blissfully and remove your fingers from his scalp, "I'll clean it up before... shit, SAM!" your sit up straight, eyes wide with horror. "Shit!" you hiss again and immediately scramble to the floor, looking at your watch and collecting your clothes from all over the room. "I have Sam coming for a massage in three minutes!"

"Not the kind of massage I just had, I hope" Bucky sniggers and quickly wipes up his cum with the towel he'd used to cover his erection.

"Don't worry, those are reserved just for you," you chuckle and pull your shirt over your head.

"I sure hope so," Bucky smiles boyishly and dresses quickly, stealing several glances over at you as you fix your makeup in the mirror in the corner. "Does - does Sam get erections when he's here?" he asks. He cannot help himself, he has to know. The thought alone has his guts squeeze uncomfortably at his insides.

"Are you kidding me? Sam sees me as a little sister, he would never!"

"Yeah, true," Bucky chuckles in relief and pulls on his shoes, "...Hey, uh, I don't know about you, but I really enjoyed this."

"Me too," you turn around and smile blissfully at him, "very much."

"You wanna - you wanna do it again?"

"Yeah," you snigger and lean your hip against the table he had you naked upon no more than a couple of minutes ago, "yeah, I wanna do this again! I think maybe fixing your thigh is gonna be a long process!"

"Yeah?" He smiles broadly at the joking expression you're wearing, "Same time tomorrow then?"

"God, yes! Can't wait," you laugh and give out a happy sigh as you cutely bite your lower lip. "Now run along before Sam comes barging in!" you chuckle, "I thought you wanted to keep this secret."

"Yeah... at least for a little while," he shrugs and feels his head go dizzy when you smile broadly at him.

"See you later, Barnes."

"See you sweetheart," he chuckles and winks at you before he's out the door.

As soon as he steps into the cold hallway, he's met by a sour looking Sam who's occupying one of the chairs outside your office, his arms crossed firmly around his chest as he angrily stares at Bucky. "How long have you been here?"

"I came ten minutes early," Sam hisses through gritted teeth and Bucky can almost see the angry fumes radiating from his friend's scalp. "- what the hell was that?"

"What?"

"Bucky, you better not be doing what I think you just did in there!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Man, what the hell is the matter with you?" Sam stands up, his angry vein already popping threateningly above his temple.

"What? You're the one who said I should go see her!"

"Yeah! For a massage!"

"I did get a massage!"

"Jesus Christ, Bucky! You're old enough to be her granddad!"

Weirdly enough, it just turns him on even more.

Tagging: @natbarnes1917 @summerofsnowflakes @randomfandompenguin @goldylions @anxietyandtacos @maggiebuchanan @justsebstan @eddiestrash @crushedbyhyperbole @buckysdollforlife @getofffmydick @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople @wermoewe

#bucky barnes kinktober #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky kinktober #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #needy bucky #tfatws #sebastian stan #bucky imagine #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x you #bucky x reader #winter soldier #kinktober 2022

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dollediary · 2 years

Text

He's Yours, But Am I?

pairings❥ jake x fem!reader

point of view❥ 3rd person

warnings❥ mentions of sex, body issues, dieting, signs of pregnancy, abandonment, slight verbal abuse, manipulation, unprotected sex

word count❥ 20.6k

genre❥ angst, smut

synopsis❥ falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry. not using protection to feel closer to each other was fun until you missed your period, so what happens when your pregnancy test results come back positive? to you, it had been a dream come true; you knew you had to break the news to him eventually, and maybe you could finally confess your feelings to him. when you do finally tell him the news he tells you he isn't ready to be a father, requesting you to stop seeing each other. falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry, but it in no way compares to being in love with your friends with benefits and having his child to carry.

note: i apologize for the absence. i was so emotionally invested in writing this story, so i just kinda lacked the motivation to wrote anything else. can't promise all of your previous requests will be fulfilled, but i'll do my best! please like, reblog, and interact as much as possible! it will help me get motivation to finish more stories and grant more requests. i'm super proud of this work, i think i'll do 3rd person from now on. i hope you all enjoy, let me know how you all like it!

"do you think i'm getting fat?" y/n asks her friend, chaewon, as she pinches her stomach, the almost unnoticeable weight gain making her frown at herself while she stood sideways in the mirror. chaewon frowns as she watched from the bed, she noticed y/n had been losing her glow ever since july ended, but she attributed it to their sophomore year in college that would be starting up again in weeks' time. y/n always lost her glow whenever school started back up.

"a little," chaewon replied honestly. "but that's normal! we've been eating well these days; it could just be a bloat, you know?" y/n thought about it for a second and nodded. that may have been the reason she's also been nauseous lately, too, having eaten more than her body could handle in the name of enjoying her summer break more. chaewon takes note of y/n's thoughtful silence, adding onto her statement, "we can always go to my pilates and yoga classes to change it back to normal if you want..?"

"maybe, i'm gonna wait a few days to see if it'll go down on its own first," y/n sighed, giving her reflection one last glance as she unfolded and pulled her oversized shirt down again, meeting chaewon on the bed with a jump and loud thud as she stared at the ceiling. chaewon only stared forward, continuing to watch tv as they stayed in a comfortable silence.

"you talk to hyunjin lately?" y/n asks chaewon, breaking the silence. chaewon only shrugs her shoulders in response.

"eh. how about you and jake?"

"we've been seeing each other in person more, and he's becoming more of a caller than a texter these days," she explains to which chaewon only responds with a hum of understanding.

"hyunjin and i are the kind who don't need to talk to each other everyday for our bond to be as strong as it is. when we're together, it's like he never left," the smile on chaewon's face awakens something in y/n: lovesickness. she pouts, but it's more of a pout of envy than jealousy, because she could never be jealous of her best friend.

"i wish i could relate," she groaned, turning to lay on her stomach as she receives a facetime call from jake. picking up the phone, she fights back a smile by biting the inside of her cheek. "hey, you!" her excitement comes out awkwardly, like a teenage girl trying to talk to her crush despite her heart and brain not cooperating normally like it had only seconds before.

"hey, y/n," he laughed, still not quite used to her shy demeanor on the phone. "you up to chill?" he asks, making y/n almost scream out a yes to him. but she couldn't, obviously. chaewon was over and she didn't want to kick her friend out just to hang out with a boy, especially knowing chaewon wouldn't do that to her.

"i would but my friend chae is hereㅡ"

"it's fine!" chaewon interrupts the girl, her head appearing behind y/n's in the tiny box as she waved to jake who responded with a nod. "i was just getting ready to head out soon," she walks closer, giving y/n a kiss on the cheek as y/n lowers the camera for privacy. "mwah. bye, i love you. let me know if the bloating goes down so i know whether to register you as my plus one for my next session."

"okay, okay. i love you too," y/n responds, chaewon leaving soon after. y/n finally moves her attention back to jake who was clearly eavesdropping the entire time with a cheeky smile on his face.

"bloating for what? are you on your period?" he asks, making her groan annoyed by his nosiness. "hey c'mon it's a natural thing, you can talk about it with me. plus, you know a period don't stop nothing but a sentence," he winks only making the girl groan more.

"you're gross," she gagged dramatically, making the boy burst out into a fit of laughter. "there's no way i'm having sex with you on my period," she added on, but he only laughed harder.

"why not? c'mon don't knock it till you try it! let's try it out today," he persists making her pout her lips as she thought about it. it could just be another thing she could cross off of her list of irrelevant things she did pertaining to sex.

"maybe, but i won't be getting my period for another week since i didn't come on it this week like the app said i would," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "huh. you didn't peg me to be the kind of guy who's into that stuff."

"oh, i'm not. but i think i'll be into anything that involves you, y/n."

"ugh, don't directly address me when you say things like that, you know how it gets me!"

"maybe i want you to get like that. how sexy is phone sex?"

"doesn't sound any better than real sex."

"maybe to you, i'm getting hard just listening to your voice."

"oh my god. goodnight, jake," y/n's eyes widened as she hung up, a small smile painting her lips.

waking up the next morning, and after immediately looking in the mirror, the bloating did not go down. a disappointed sigh left y/n's lips as she threw one of jake's sweatshirts over her tank top to cover the 'obvious' difference in her appearance as she made her way to campus, already dreading the day.

upon arrival, she met chaewon in their usual spots for their lecture, seeing the girl with coffee for the both of them. offering her friend a thankful smile, she took a sip of the coffee, eager for its bittersweetness to wake her up as it usually did. but her sip was quickly, and secretly spit back into the cup as an indescribable amount of disgust flooded her taste buds.

"jesus, who pissed in this coffee? it's disgusting," the girl asked, making her friend's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. she'd known y/n's order by heart; it's been prepared by the same worker for months. y/n's never been dissatisfied with the taste of the coffee before.

"he's prepared it the same way he does every morning, so i'm confused," chaewon says, watching y/n try to give the coffee another chance by taking a longer sip, immediately gagging as she lets it drip back down into the cup again. now even the smell of it was unbearable. she pushes the coffee away all together.

"well it's shitty today, let's just get some more later," she responded, both girls shrugging it off as they listened to their professor's talking once again. y/n was tempted several times after the fact to drink the coffee, but she was too sickened by its taste and smell. she eventually got up and threw the whole cup away all together, hating the way her body was responding to it.

when lunch rolled around, it was safe to say they both had forgotten about the morning's coffee incident, and y/n was already more than excited to eat the lunch she had yet to order. though the summer sun hadn't gone yet, the heat was certainly making its way out. temperatures outside were fine, so the walk from their hall to the building holding the university's lunchroom went smoothly, however the air conditioning had murderous intent when they entered the building.

"god i hate this building," chaewon groans as she zips her jacket up, which worked to no avail as the fabric was nowhere near thick. y/n nodded in agreement as they both subconsciously agreed they'd eat quickly so they could just leave. getting into different lines, y/n walked over to the soup station, getting her favorite vegetable soup that always made the freezing AC temperatures more bearable. she fixes a smaller bowl than she usually would, already beginning her dieting journey to lose the weight she'd gained.

once she added her side dishes, she met chaewon at the table with the most sunlight shining through the big, wide open windows, eager to get the warmth that this building insisted heavily on denying.

"we should've just ordered takeout instead," y/n grumbled, sipping a spoonful of her soup juice as she closed her eyes, the steam from her soup fanning her face as a "thank you for choosing to eat me today." savoring the soup, as she usually did, she immediately cringed at the horrible taste that flooded her mouth. "my god, why is everything so shitty today? first the coffee, now this?" it was clear that her mood was plummeting from her sudden disdain towards the food she loved most. she pushed her tray away, saddened, making chaewon sigh with pity.

"do you just want some of my lasagna?" she knew y/n wouldn't want it, but she couldn't stand to see her best friend so upset about not being able to eat. it was a dumb question, because it was something y/n hated the most, but y/n nodded, pushing her tray over to the girl. chaewon is confused but gives her a reasonable amount to eat, not too much as it would go to waste if she didn't eat it, but not too little as to have her request for more in the event that it wasn't enough.

reluctantly, she takes her fork and digs into the lasagna, hating everything about it, but the smell seemed a lot more inviting that what it had been only months before, the time frame she first decided she hated the entree. taking a hesitant bite into it, her eyes shot wide open as she began chewing. it was delicious. and she didn't know why. she opted to eat more of it, quickly downing the food as she looked at chaewon, begging for more to which, of course, the girl obliged. she wasn't that hungry anyways.

days had gone by since y/n had found a new love for lasagna, she even branched out the different flavors they offered, becoming obsessed with the spinach-alfredo lasagna. they were two combinations she knew she'd usually hate being put together, but she couldn't stop eating them. and though chaewon never said it aloud, she was confused. so confused. especially confused when y/n had suddenly started gagging, on the verge of vomiting only minutes after she'd eaten so deliciously. but, she rushed to the bathroom with her friend, ready to assist her nonetheless.

it's was a sad thing for her, watching her friend look so sick and helpless over the toilet while her body kept forcing her food up, not even stopping after the fact that her stomach emptied, telling her she still needed to throw more up. when she finished, her whole body was shaking, and she was on the verge of tears from the burning she felt in her throat.

she insisted she was fine, her solution being to eat again to make up for the food lost, but after having several incidents of vomiting to the point of tears, all of them with chaewon being her personal witness, she couldn't quite convince the girl anything anymore, reluctantly having to agree to seeing the doctor and get to the bottom of it. but they weren't ready for any of the questions that the doctor would ask the poor, and naive, y/n.

"have you been sexually active in the last few months, miss l/n? more importantly, without protection?" doctor kim asks, taking both y/n and chaewon by surprise. she looks over to her friend, feeling uncomfortable by the question, but chaewon only gives her a sympathetic smile as she encourages her to answer the doctor.

"yes.. but i don't see why that matters?" y/n replies, essentially dismissing the doctor's question. there was no correlation between the two, she was just feeling a little under the weather. or maybe it was a result of her semi-depression from her weight gain? there were so many possibilities. "we think i may have a stomach bug," she adds on, making the doctor click his teeth in response. he sighs, adjusting his glasses as he looked past her, not wanting to cause conflict, but still needing to do his job.

"well, miss l/n, i'm not suggesting anything big, but since you have had unprotected sex, your symptoms are seeming to lean a lot toward-"

"i'm sorry ,doctor kim, but i don't need suggestions. i'm paying you to use your damn degree and use facts to get to the bottom of this, not suggest my symptoms have anything to do with the sex i have in my life," y/n spits out, grabbing chaewon's hand to lead her out the door.

"you go, i'll be a quick second," chaewon smiles at the agitated girl who only nodded as she stormed her way to the car. letting out the breath she'd been holding, she bowed apologetically to the doctor. "i'm sorry, doc. she's been really moody since she gained weight. she's usually the sweetest girl!"

"i see," he responds. "she may not be willing to right now, but i recommend coming back soon and getting an ultrasound to see if my thoughts may be correct," he says, getting ready to head out the room, since he no longer needed to be there, having other patients to tend to.

he'd already been long gone by then, but chaewon still responded to him. it was more for herself anyways. "i'll think about it."

looking in the mirror every morning became a habit for y/n. she absolutely hated the way she looked. she felt like she was in a body that wasn't her own, her mental health only worsening with each day she decides to stare in the mirror. she was lonely. she'd been skipping classes, telling chaewon she was just too lazy to go to, but doing that meant chaewon wouldn't be there to support her rapidly growing illness. and she couldn't just call jake, either. they argued too much and they both hated it, deciding that no contact was better than enduring the toxicity any longer.

but today, she couldn't endure not speaking to him any longer. she'd grown far more dependent on him, realizing her days of misery could only be made better by him. so, even though she knew that calling him most likely wouldn't end well, she hit the facetime button, watching with anticipation as she waited for him to pick up.

"y/n," his sigh of happiness only brought a smile to her face, and for a second everything felt better, even her stuffed nose seemed to clear for a second. her eyes watered, but she quickly blinked the forming tears away because no y/n you will NOT cry. "i missed you," he says, making her heart flutter as he frowned through the screen.

"i'm sorry," was all she could say, lumps forming in her throat. why did this have to make her so emotional? she'd never cried over something as simple as this before, it wasn't rare for jake to express his feelings for her in this way, but for whatever reason she decided that hearing all of this now meant and felt more than anything. "i missed you, too."

"how have you been?" he asks, making her lips form a thin line. she never did tell him of her illness, being scared that he'd stop coming over in fear of catching her symptoms.

"i've been bored, there's never anything to do these days, and i'm too lazy to go out."

"hm. then how about i come over and give you something to do?" his question was laced with suggestiveness, making her feel an uneasy amount of insecurity. she really wanted to have him come over, more than anything, but it just couldn't happen. not when she felt like this. and not when she looked like this either.

"i don't know, i'm pretty tired right now, too," she laughs nervously, making him sigh.

"please, y/n. it doesn't even have to be sex. i just want to be with you. i miss you," while it didn't seem like much to him to admit it, it meant the world to y/n. she felt like he really wanted her. and in a way, he did, so of course, she let her heart fall right into his arms. even though her doubts and insecurities begged her to say no, she refused to listen this time.

"okay," her heart was beating fast, unsureness running through her veins, but all of it was worth it. any ill feeling would be worth it if it meant she'd get to see his smileㅡ a smile that only existed because of her.

"say less," he giggled, hanging up the phone. she let out the breath she was holding, her senses awakening as she realized all of what she just agreed to. she looked at her outfit, too revealing for the way she was looking right now. "shorts are fine, but i need a bigger shirt," she spoke to no one but herself as she went to her closet to put on an oversized hoodie in hopes he wouldn't be able to see how "ugly" she'd become.

it didn't take long for him to arrive, engulfing her in his arms as soon as she opened the door. it was times like this that made her wonder, why would she even want to fight with him to begin with? she's head over heels in love with him; arguing with him only took away these moments from her. she couldn't stand it.

"pretty girl, you've lost your glow," he says after they pull away from their drawn out hug, grabbing her face, moving it around in his eyesight as he frowned. her eyes were accompanied with dark eye bags, her cheeks were puffy, and her skin seemed to have paled quite a bit since he'd last been over. she could only smile bitterly, that's what no sleep does to you, she thinks.

"it's because you haven't been here to shine on me," she laughed, taking his hand to walk to her bedroom where they both sat on her bed. he laughs along, happy upon the realization that they most likely wouldn't get into an argument since the majority of their arguments happened digitally.

"well we're together now, so that's all that matters," he says, making her smile. she nods, taking a second to look at him while he turns his attention to the tv, already browsing through netflix to put on a show or movie he thought they'd be able to enjoy. she didn't realize how fond she'd grown of him until now, but maybe she just forgets about it until moments like this come up for her to acknowledge them once again.

the universe was unfair to her, in more ways than one, but giving her this special relationship with jake made all of the hardships disappear. she liked jake. and even though she knew he didn't feel the same way, she liked that his actions made her feel like he did. and they shared a lot of intimate moments, so even if she didn't necessarily have the real label she wanted, there was nothing that could stop her from pretending.

maybe that's the thought that kept her going, allowing him to make himself at home in her heart more and more with each passing moment they shared. maybe that's what made her stop looking at other men the way she looked at him. maybe that's what accidentally brought her lips onto his, cupping his cheeks as her eyes closed in relief when he kissed her back. it was always heavenly to kiss jake, but this time it felt better than that. he kept her slow speed, not bothering to pull her on his lap, yet, as he was determined to savor this moment in fear of it never happening again. he moves his hand up to her cheek as she let hers fall down to her side, smiling into the kiss as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

it felt like an eternity, them staying like that. but, jake was never patient when it came to these things. and it wasn't far from how y/n was either, so naturally he attempted to escalate it, his body already anticipating how good they were going to make each other feel. but as soon as he attempted to slide his tongue in, y/n panicked, squeezing her eyes shut as she pulled away, face hot with embarrassment as she saw the confusion the boy had on his face.

"is everything okay?" he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder gently so as to not startle the girl more than he already seemed to. she averted eye contact, but nodded nonetheless. "did i do something wrong? did i make you uncomfortable-?" he asked further, thoughts spinning around his head as to why she'd pull back.

"no i'm sorry," cutting him off, her voice was low as she didn't really want him to hear her confessionㅡ afraid it would spiral into another argument given her contradicting actions. "i just.. dont want to have sex," all the thoughts and reasons he'd listed before flew out the window, his mind going quiet as did he.

"you're seeing someone else. is that it?"

"wha- no, jake! i just-"

"there's nothing else it could be," he says, making her frown. jake had been suspecting this for a while. he'd never had any problems with her whenever they called or facetimed, or even texted before. but for the past few weeks, that's all that's been happening. he'd somehow say the 'wrong' thing and she'd blow off on him, it would spiral into something worse, then they would just stop talking until one of them texts again. the last time he'd gone through that, his fling ended up leaving him and moving onto a serious relationship, something they swore they would never be able to doㅡ well, clearly not with him at least.

"jake, i swear it's not like that!" y/n's heart was beating out of her chest, she could feel his sadness even though everything he said was monotone. he was hurting over something that she wasn't even doing. and the way he already seemed so sure of it? it made her wonder how long he'd been feeling this way.

"then why do you keep leading me on and then backing out when you're the one who initiated it? are you seeing someone else, y/n?" his eyes were starting to gloss over, and she hated it. so, so much. she didn't know what to do. admitting the truth would only make him leave. her silence only further proved the point he convinced himself that he was making. adding fuel to the fire- "do i only tempt you enough to try but not go through with it? am i SO bad at fucking you that you have to go find someone else to do bette-"

"i'm not thin anymore, okay?!" she finally had the courage to cut him off, tears streaming down her face that had become hot from her frustrations caused by his baseless, but very, very hurtful accusations.

"what?"

"i've gotten fat. and-," she sighed, trying to regain her composure. "i want so badly to have sex with you, but i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll take off these baggy clothes and- you'll be disgusted by my body and leave me. i would never be so evil as to go out of my way to cheat and hurt you. this is only happening because i hate myself and my body for what it's becoming. i can't let you see me be like this."

"baby..." his voice is soft, contradicting the anger it projected only moments before. even though that one word was a great comfort to her, it only worsened her rainfall of tears as she allowed herself to break down in his arms. it was something he'd never understand. she was beautiful in his eyes, nothing would change that. "i don't care if you gain weight, or lose weight. hell, you could wake up bald and i would still find you to be the sexiest girl alive. don't you ever think otherwise."

she nodded, pulling away to look him in the eyes, her pout failing to disappear despite the fact that she was starting to feel a little bit better about it. he smiled at her bringing his lips to her forehead for a kiss, then to each individual cheeks, then finally to her lips in a kiss that was sweeter than the one shared beforeㅡ only she would let it escalate this time.

pulling back, she looked him lovingly in the eyes. they were shining the same way hers were as he pulled her back in for a hard, but not too hard, peck on the lips, more following after them as he wanted to bask in all the moment had to offer. her giggle only made him smile as he pecked her lips one last time before he went to shower each cheek with kisses as well. once he felt he'd spread the love there enough, he tilted her head to the side, trailing kisses over her neck, not any lower as his sweatshirt was in the way. moving back up, he kissed her ear before he whispered a low "take this off," while tugging on the sweatshirt that had now become a barrier between the two of them.

obeying his request, she lifted the fabric off, throwing it across the room as her body shivered from the temperature change on her bare arms. he laughed, latching his mouth back onto her neck, this time carefully sucking, leaving his own marks of love behind for her to be able to look back to if she were to question his love for her again. tugging the bottom of her shirt as she assisted him in lifting it off her head, the shirt being carelessly thrown somewhere across the room like the jacket.

he changed his position, kneeling with either knee on her side as he pushed her slightly to lay her down on the bed. he stared down at her body, scanning the beauty she was. it was then that she realized she had nothing to cover her top half, her stomach was on display for him to see and, despite his comforting words, she became embarrassed. not wanting to make it obvious that she was feeling insecure, she pulled him down to connect their lips together. letting their tongues dance with one another, he lets his hands travel down her sides, moving to spread her legs for him to grind his crotch against her, the sensations leaving them both gasping at how much they'd been neglecting their sexual needs with their petty arguments.

"fuck," she moaned into his mouth which only drove him crazy. god, words couldn't explain how much he loved those sounds she made. he pulled away, going to take off his shirt while she nearly drooled at the sight of it. everything about that man was perfect to her.

"fuck, y/n," he breathed out as he kept rolling his hips against hers, biting his lip to hold back the lewd sounds his body begged him to make. "how am i supposed to go slow when you're this sexy without trying?" his words made her tear up as she covered her face which was now hot with her shyness. the sight of it made his hips stutter, of course only she could bring him that close to climax without doing anything but being her.

he moved away from her, the warmth they shared being the first thing they missed as he pulled her shorts down, throwing it across the room as she leaned forward to pull his sweatpants down enough for him to scoot out of on his own. his cock sprung up, hitting his lower abdomen as she stared at it in all its glory: fully erect, reddened tip glistening with precum. just how she liked it. they both giggled at the fact that they both were intentionally not wearing underwear. "wanted to fuck me that bad, huh?" he smirked, leaning down to connect their lips in a kiss which she smiled in. when he pulled away she smirked back at him.

"i could say the same, baby."

he sucked in a breath, halfway opening his eyes as he began lightly stroking himself, making sure to make eye contact with her. "ah- y/n, you don't know what you do to me," he whimpered as she could only watch him with doe eyes. before he could get too comfortable stroking himself, and before she could get too comfortable watching the show, he rubbed his tip through her folds, then circled her clit (just to make her feel good) before he slowly inserted himself in.

she winced at the stretch, it really had been a while since they last had sex. he bit his lip as he pushed all the way in, unmoving. he moved his hand down, using his thumb to rub on her clit which resulted in her clenching around him. he slightly threw his head back, sighing in content at the feeling. "that's right. keep doing that," he says as he pulls out nearly all the way, only to slam himself back in completely before he decided on a pace. everything about their togetherness was just right. they knew exactly how to make each other feel good. that's what lovemaking to them was. they didn't need to be slow paced or have foreplay or perform oral before they fucked; the love showed in the way they could absorb every essence of each other's being. the way their energies combined and turned them into one.

his pace wasn't too slow, nor was it too fast. it was just enough for her to feel all of him, and it was enough to hit all the right spots, wherever she needed him most. the room was silent except for the small sounds of pleasure they both made, accompanied with the sex sounds their bodies created. he leaned forward, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss, cause everyone knows he couldn't get enough of kissing her. she returned the kiss, tears prickling in her eyes from how good everything was feeling. she loved this. she loved him. "i'm close, baby," he pulled back to announce, speeding his strokes up ever so slightly as he chased his high.

"me too," she announced, this time clenching around him more while her heartbeat only raced, each thrust bringing her closer. he rubbed circles around her clit faster as her moans started becoming more vocal, the pitch raising with each thrust until one thrust finally hit the spot. "ah, jake dont stop," she begged as he sped up to chase his own high. "dont pull out, it's okay! fuck i wanna feel it." he couldn't hold back any longer upon her words, thrusting one last time before he came to a complete stop, filling her with his seed.

"fuck," he breathed out, slowly lowering himself to be on top of her. he scooted so that she could be able to lay her head on his. it wasn't often that jake would stay cuddled up to her after they finished having sex, but he felt like he owed it to her for how shitty he had made her feel without knowing the full story. it wasn't often that he whispered sweet little nothings into her ear while stroking her hair, but tonight (despite their strict forbidden rule of affection) it felt needed. and he was willing to give her anything he felt like she needed. every action and choice he decided to make only further showed that he loved her, in a way.

even though he was sure he wasn't capable of feeling it anymore, this special relationship jake shared with her made all of his doubts about love disappear. he liked y/n. and even though it was something he'd never be able to express or accept it, he'd let his emotions be shown in the moment as they were. and, like most of everything that they did that didn't make sense, it always seemed to work out.

the sun shining through the blinds, accompanied with the unforgiving air conditioning that froze her skin, y/n yawned as she got up, rubbing her eyes. pulling the blanket up to cover her body, she looked next to her for jake, but he wasn't there. she knew that regardless of how affectionate he was last night that there'd be a chance he would still leave during the night, but it hurts to know that no matter what he'd say or do, he'd still be gone in the morning.

her tears start their early morning shift, brimming in her eyes as she pouted at the whole idea of him leaving her altogether. the tears turning into a rainfall of agony as she sobbed to her heart's content, only to be interrupted by her overwhelming need to puke. running to the bathroom she can't make it to the toilet, having to quickly choose between the floor or the sink, her brain choosing the latter of the two.

holding the edge of the sink, her head was bent over so as to not make too much of a mess. she let her first round of puke come up, feeling disgusted with herself for not being quicker. one she was finished she barely had time to recover as she took the chance to run to the toilet, finally being able to vomit there as she originally intended. it hurt and tasted like hell after she was finished, but that of course wouldn't be the end of her misfortune. upon hearing her alarm go off, she realized that she only had 15 minutes to get ready.

snoozing the alarm she immediately dialed chaewon's phone, screaming incoherent words as a weak attempt to ask for help. chaewon's eyes widened as her car's speaker blasted y/n's crying into her ears. "woah, woah, woah!" chaewon said, cutting the girl's screaming off. "talk in a way where i can understand you."

"i keep- i can't stop throwing up, i'm scared i wont be able to make it to school!" she cries out. "please chaewon, i know i ask for a lot but i need you right now," she begs the girl who was only two or three turns away from the university building. as the red light finally turned green, she sighed, making a turn that led her back on the path from where she'd originally traveled to come to school.

"i'm on my way," she lets y/n know, making her way to the nearest drugstore to make a quick purchase. y/n sighs of relief, her tear stained cheeks lifting slightly as she smiled at her friend's support through her hardships.

"thank you, chae," she says, holding onto her now empty and hurting stomach. "i'll make it up to you."

"you don't have to make anything up to me y/n. you need my help, so i'm giving it to you. just please take care of yourself until i get there, i have to make a quick stop, okay?" she says as she gets out of the car, her phone call disconnects from the car and back to her phone.

"okay," y/n sniffles as she begins coughing up a storm, gagging as she tried her best to hold down another load of vomit.

"okay, i'll hang up first. bye."

not waiting for a response, she ends the call and walks into the store. after a quick search, she immediately went over to the corner where the items lay bare for everyone to see. she picked up one of the pregnancy tests, ignoring the looks she felt on her. it was nobody's business anyways. when she went over to the register, older customers gave her judging looks, which she only smiled in return at. as soon as she got to the front, she smacked the box down, not bothering to get any other items as it would just add onto her time in the building.

"what are you hoping for?" the young cashier attempts to ask her kindly, but you can tell she was judging her too. if it had actually been chaewon in this situation where she'd need the pregnancy test for herself, she would have been passive back, but it's not her. so she didn't need to be letting it get in her head regardless of how stressful it was to be here.

"a girl," she puts on a fake smile and enthusiastic voice, praying the kid would hurry up and scan the item. once she was done doing that, she put the item in a plastic bag, quickly handing it to her.

"wishing you the best of luck as a mother!" she says to which chaewon could only nod at as she rushed out of the building and back into her car. now, chaewon wasn't the kind of citizen to speed. she knew it wasn't safe for anyone and honestly she hated it because it never felt nice to her body, especially when she was the one behind the wheels. but after the call with y/n, she had to because she knew how much y/n needed her there.

when she had let herself in using the key that y/n gifted her months ago, she ran quickly to see the girl's head hanging carelessly in the toilet as she barely moved. "y/n?" she asks, going over to her. y/n only hummed in response to assure the girl that she was still conscious. she wanted to talk, but everytime she tried to muster up words, that awfully familiar gagging overpowered her. and she didn't want to go through throwing up again, so she gave up, resorting to laying in her misery as there was nothing more she could do.

"gross, y/n," chewon says as she moves over to the sink where it was filled with her vomit, the scent making chaewon gag a little. she turns the sink water on, going under the sink to get some bleach out in hopes of it helping with washing it down. "you couldn't make it to the toilet in enough time?"

"no," y/n cries out, voice hoarse from all of it already as she gags more, another load of vomit forcing its way up as the scent of her throw up and bleach met her nose. chaewon yelps as she helps the girl throw up smoothly, holding her hair back until her body finally realizes she couldn't throw up anymore, though it was already too late by now.

the cleanup process went a lot smoother than they both expected. chaewon ordered y/n to get a sip of water to soothe her throat while she busied herself with cleaning the sink and the toilet since y/n was already so careful not to make a mess anywhere else. when both of them were finished, they laid on y/n's bed with chaewon stroking y/n's hair, the pregnancy test being the only thing on her mind. she was torn. she didn't know if she should bring it up to her, but it was the only thing on her mind since they first went to her doctor's appointment. she also was scared it would upset y/n. her emotions were unstable as of lately, and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of it, at least not now.

"y/n?" she finally speaks up after a few more minutes of internal conflict about it. y/n hummed in response. "you and jake don't use protection, right?" she asks, making y/n groan annoyed. "don't catch an attitude with me, just answer the question."

"we don't use protection, chaewon."

"okay then does he like, you know, pull out?" she asks further, making y/n stiffen up in embarrassment.

"yes."

"are you sure?"

"yes chae! god damn it," y/n says as she finally catches onto what chaewon was suggesting, blowing off the steam that was building up. it makes chaewon a bit more hesitant, but she has to do this for her; she didn't want y/n to keep living in denial if she didn't have to.

"y/n, i need you to think really hard about this. i get that you're frustrated, but i'm only asking because i want to help you... please. there has to be a time when you weren't sure if he did or not. or maybe he was a little too late to?" she is careful with her words, but they still manage to break y/n's walls down as she bursts into tears upon remembering the one important night she had so carelessly forgotten.

"there was- uh one night," she says. "i don't remember if he'd pulled out soon enough because we were both too tired to be safe about it."

"do you remember when?"

"i think it was sometime last month, but i don't really remember. all I know is that i texted you to hang out the day after because the sleep i got was so good. god chae, i don't even want to think that this could be a possibility," y/n was exasperated. she didn't want to be pregnant. anything but that. but chaewon just kept pushing the idea in her head, making her terrified that it'd be an actual possibility.

"i know, love, but i'm asking this for your own good. now, i have something for you, but you can't freak out okay?" she says as she lifts the girl's head off of her stomach, leaning into her bag to pull out the box she'd purchased.

"okay," y/n says as she looks over to chaewon's busy hands as she puts the box behind her back. "can i see?"

"okay, breathing under control?" chaewon asks. y/n nods. "and don't. freak. out. it's going to be okay," she adds on. y/n nods again as she breathes steadily, her eyes closing as she gathers her senses together without anticipating what chaewon could give her. "keep your eyes closed and just grab the box i'm about to put in your hands.

following her instructions, she gripped onto the box as soon as she felt it in her hands. opening her eyes, she couldn't help but tear up at the sight of it. she knew that her friend would give it to her eventually, but now? she wasn't ready. her grip on the box tightened as she shook her head.

"it's okay, y/n. calm down. breathe, then get up and go take the test," chaewon said, lifting the girl up as another form of encouragement. "no matter what the test says, i'm here with my undying support for you. fighting girl!"

"fighting," y/n sniffles as she goes into the bathroom, leaving an emotional chaewon behind. she sighs, laying down again to stare at the ceiling, her own tears starting to form. it hurt. all of it. from having y/n taking her frustrations out on the girl, down to each tear that spilled from y/n's eyes as she realized her life could truly be changing. she hated seeing her best friend cry, especially knowing that she didn't deserve any of that heartache. it felt selfish to sit and cry about it as if she were the one in y/n's place, but she couldn't help it.

taking a shaky breath, she exhaled in an attempt to calm herself down. she needed to be rational. if this is hard for me, then it must be hell for y/n. she quickly wipes her tears as y/n screams and falls to the bathroom floor, only a few minutes after waiting for the results. chaewon ran into the bathroom, shocked by the solemn scene in front of her. y/n, with shaky hands, held up the test to the girl's face. it was an unmistakable "YES+" on the stick. with widened eyes, chaewon pulled the sobbing girl into a hug. y/n was actually pregnant. and with jake's child at that.

"i don't want it!" she cries out as chaewon nods, quickly removing one arm from her as she began looking up clinics for an abortion.

"okay, i found some clinics," the girl says. "we can set up an appointment when you're all calmed down, okay?"

"okay."

"now let's get you to bed; you look terrible," she helped y/n clean herself up, brushing her tasseled hair into a low ponytail, washing and moisturizing her dry face, putting her pregnancy test into a bag just in case. by the time they were finished, the atmosphere had calmed down and everything seemed okay now that y/n came to terms with her conditions. she was just glad that this would all be over soon.

when the two girls finally got settled down, they decided tonight it'd be best if y/n wasn't left alone. cuddling while watching bojack horseman, talking didn't seem all that important now that y/n had a warm embrace that wouldn't leave her in the middle of the night. she nuzzles her head into chaewon's neck with a yawn. "thank you for taking care of me, chae. i love you." it catches chaewon by surprise, but she just silently smiles, deciding not to say anything since y/n was audibly snoring by now. looking down at her best friend's sleeping figure, she pauses the show and prays to god that y/n, and everything, will be okay.

august 31st. today was the day y/n's life would change forever. she wondered why nobody told her that the drive to the clinic would be so gut wrenching. when she arrives, she signs in for her appointment and sits down to wait. she got a good look around the building. there were many people here, some accompanied by lovers, others with parents, while there was the noticeable few who were alone like she was. the air wasn't as thick as she'd anticipated, but she learned from chaewon that not everyone who went to these buildings were there for abortions. a big part of her was jealous of that because oh how nice would it have been to have been able to find comfort in such a heavy decision. but the other part was thankful; she wouldn't wish this dreadful feeling on her worst enemy, and yet here she was, feeling it to its fullest extent.

chaewon sadly couldn't make it. well, y/n wouldn't allow her to, begging her not to miss any more days. it was a difficult thing to convince her, since she knew chaewon could switch to online school like she temporarily opted to do for a more flexible schedule during her pregnancy until she could put an end to it and go back to her regular classes. she'd already caused chaewon to miss so much, she'd feel guilty if she'd done it again, even if right now all she could do was wish she let herself be selfish one last time because all she wanted was to be comforted by the only person who could possibly understand her problems without judgment. she sighed, sinking down into her seat as she watched the muted television on the screen, praying her turn would come soon so she could get out of this place.

"y/n l/n?" a sweet nurse's voice called out as she looked around the waiting area. y/n's eyes widened as they were met with the nurse's who beckoned her over. her heart was beating fast as she walked behind the lady who was escorting to one of the clinic rooms where she would soon be met with the doctor who would be performing the abortion. being left alone in the room was either one of the best case scenarios right now, or possibly the worst. she could be alone for a second to calm down, or she could potentially break down before the doctor could even speak a word to her. deciding she's already cried enough tears this month, she opted to taking a deep breath to remind herself that this was her decision to make, and this was what she wanted.

"good evening, miss l/n, i'm doctor kim," a voice spoke as it entered the door. y/n turned her head slightly to the woman. she was around her mid-forties, but something about her reminded her of her mother, her aura was comforting in that sense. "i assume you're here to get an abortion performed?"

"yes, doctor," y/n responds, lowering her head since she'd suddenly become afraid to make eye contact with the woman upon the mention of the specific procedure that was soon to be performed.

"oh, miss l/n," the doctor pouted, making y/n look up at her. "before we start, i'm legally obligated to tell you the process before we perform it," the doctor explained as she placed her gloves on with a slight smacking sound. y/n nodded, then the process explanation began. as the words spilled out of doctor kim's mouth, y/n couldn't help but feel sick to her stomach. her brain started zoning out everything the doctor was saying, the only phrase she could hear in her head was her brain telling her to get out. all she could think to herself was i don't wanna do this anymore. what felt like hours, but was only around ten minutes later, the doctor finally brought her attention back with a clap.

"so?" she asks. "are you ready?" offering a comforting smile that made y/n feel anything but. she could hear her heart beating inside her chest, her breathing suddenly drowning out all the noise around her. suddenly everything felt all too much yet nothing at all. she stayed still, trying her best to process her emotions, to state her peace, or to just right out leave.

"i need to use the restroom," she squeaked out, tears brimming in her eyes as she avoided any form of eye contact with the older lady in front of her. doctor kim senses the mood shift and sighs. this was an often occurrence, so she could only understand where the girl was coming from.

"look, kid. abortion isn't for everyone," she says placing her hand on her shoulder. "you're young so you think it's the only option for you, but it isn't. there are lots of good young mothers. you can do this. i don't want you to make a decision you'll end up regretting for the rest of your life. i can see you care about your baby. give them a chance at life, give yourself this chance in life."

y/n frowns, her lips quivering as the building tears spill from her eyes. "i'm sorry," she says, burying her head inside her hands. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes, unsure what she's really sorry for, she just felt like this was all she could say.

"don't be sorry, miss l/n," doctor kim responds, helping the girl to get off her feet, taking her over to the sink to help her get herself together again. "you know, you can always come back again. we give free ultrasounds, i'm sure you'd love to see your little angel growing."

”i'll try my best," she responds as soon as the tears subside. they bid their farewells and just like that, y/n was on her way back home. and, though she felt a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulder, she was devastated. she had to tell jake.. and that was the biggest burden of it all. exhaustion was the first thing to hit her once she arrived back inside, she was so exhausted that she almost didn't take her shoes off at the doorㅡ almost. she goes to lay down, flopping on her bed to stare at the ceiling. it was weird. this has been the first time she didn't feel the need or want to cry. instead, her brain was doing its best to think logically despite not knowing exactly what to do.

she knows one thing for sure, though: she has to call jake immediately to have him come over to break the news to him, but the problem was that she was scared. she knew without a doubt that jake adored her, but he didn't love her. they were fuck buddies, not lovers, so in terms of what she could expect from him, there was nothing. she was at a complete blank, her only way of finding out would be to put herself in the position to do so. and though she hated the idea of having to do it, it wasn't just some decision she could just back out of. so, she picks up her phone, her hand shaking as she clicks the button to dial his number. the phone rang a few times before his sweet voice sung into her ear. "hello?" he asks, making her fears start to pile up. what exactly was she supposed to say to him?

"can you come over?" she asks, her voice tinier than the sureness she was feeling. "please, like hurry up. i'm sorry for everything, i can't be on the phone too long, just hurry up." upon hearing that, jake's heart broke into pieces. he could barely process what was happening, all he knew was that he was rushing out the door and into his car as he sped to her house. after she ended the call, she released the breath she was holding, getting up to look at herself in the full body mirror. she lifted her tank top up, rubbing her 2 months pregnant belly as a river of relief washed over her. there was something so comforting about the "weight gain" now. and she decided that, no matter what, she was going to keep it. in the midst of admiring her changing body, she jumps upon hearing jake's banging on the door.

he was anxious, thinking the worst upon her sudden call that lacked context, but he didn't want to assume the worst as he was still feeling guilty about what happened last time he'd said his unspoken insecurities aloud. with her heart beating fast, she opens the door and silently lets him in. stay calm, y/n. she keeps reminding herself in her mind as she knew that was the best way to get through this challenge. she ushers for him to sit on the bed, quietly taking a seat next to him but with great distance as she was still fearful. he notices this, so when they finally make eye contact she could see the insecurities blooming through. and it broke her. "i'm so sorry," she bawls out, throwing herself onto him. her tears dont catch him by much surprise, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the emotional toll from them. he is sad, but he accepts the pitiful embrace. she's really done it, he cries to himself, the tears landing on top of her head.

he doesn't even want to ask who, why, or even why he couldn't just be enough for her. he just wants to lie and pretend it's all okay so that she'll stay with him, even if he'll regret it. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes for the hundredth time, to which he once again responds with his verbal forgiveness. she hated it. she hated being a coward in that sense. she hated not being able to tell him of her pregnancy, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. "please don't leave me tonight," she begs as she was scared to wake up without him again because there was no certainty that he'd ever come back. he gulps in an attempt to swallow the lump forming in his throat. it doesn't work. "okay," he responds, not sure of what else he could possibly say to her. how can you comfort someone when you're in need of comfort, too? "i mean it, jake, i can't stand waking up without you, at least not now," y/n admits and it hurts jake. "promise me you'll be here when i wake."

"i promise," he says, determined to fulfill whatever need she asked from him in hopes of her continued loyalty to him. "i'll stay forever if i need toㅡ if you need me to," he says as if his honesty wasn't convincing enough. she knows he doesn't mean it in the way she needs him to, but she still lets his words comfort those unheard doubts that are plaguing her mind. she eventually pulls away, looking him in the eyes as she offers a bitter smile. she brings her thumbs up to wipe his tears away. "there's nobody else, jake," she says, seemingly being able to reassure him without him having to say a word. he sighs, and smiles back at her, choosing not to question the real issue she wanted to bring up to him. if it hurt her that much, he would wait longer to find out. but, to him, nothing could be worse to him than her finding a new man. so he'd be ready to accept and forgive anything else that she felt would burden him.

"let's just sleep," he says, laying down. she nods, moving so that he could lay on her chest. her heart was racing; she could never get used to the feeling he gave her. he smiled at the rate it was going. all of that was for him. oh, if only he knew that all those unspoken feelings were mutual. maybe then things would be easier for the two of them. but, as of right now, they would both continue to suffer in this lovesick state.

it was easy to fall asleep with him like that, and it was even easier to wake up with him in her arms. the sun was shining on them, the AC's temperature was just right for the two of them who had forgotten to get under the blanket, and the air was calm. it was a state of being that she didn't want to leave, but she had no knowledge of his work schedule, so she needed him to be up. she kisses the top of his head shyly. he scrunches his nose while she continues doing it until he moves enough for her to understand that he, too, was awake. "good morning," his voice was groggy as he was still not fully awake. she doesn't respond, letting him get up to freshen up. he walks into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to go about his business. once he finishes, he flushes and goes to look at himself in the mirror.

his hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy, but he felt like a million bucks as he smiled at his reflection. "nobody else, huh?" he giggles, smile widening as he applied the soap on his hands to wash them. once he finished washing them, he began drying them off on the towel as he started wondering what she had to tell him last night.

when he goes back out, he finds y/n in the kitchen grabbing some frozen breakfast burritos out of the freezer, the meal that had become one of her recent food obsessions. "baby?" he calls to get her attention, failing to see the smile she cracked as her back was turned to her. she only hums in response as she continues to plate two burritos for herself. "i'm not gonna push you to tell me anything, but i just want you to know that whatever it is that's burdening you, it's something we can get through together. there's nothing that can possibly drive me away from you. i'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to tell me."

her moves falter a bit, but she regains her composure and continues preparing her breakfast. once the microwave beeped, she met him at the table, opting to eat as a way to get her thoughts together, his words ringing through her head as she did so. when she was finished chewing her first few bites, she cleared her throat. "i'm pregnant," her voice held no emotion, so little that you wouldn't be able to tell her nervousness had it not been for her hands shaking as she held the fork midair.

"i-" he paused, not knowing exactly what to say. he was in shock. and, from the looks on her face, he knew that it couldn't be a pregnancy scare because it looked like this has been weighing her down for a while. he knew his reaction to this information would be contrary to his previous words, but he didn't expect it to be this serious. "are you sure it's mine?" he asks, breaking her heart. a huge part of him could believe she was pregnant; everything was starting to make sense from her weight gain to her overly emotional state, all the way down to her eating habitsㅡ he knew she absolutely hated burritos.

"there's nobody else, jake," her voice cracked as she offered him a small smile, the corners of her lips barely lifting as she did so. oh how comforting those words were to hear last night, but now they struck him in the worst ways possible. she looked at him, his expression unreadable as he stared directly through her each time she'd lift her eyes to check his gaze. the cat was already out of the bag, so what's the harm in emptying the mess it left behind? "and i... i want to keep it." he didn't know what to say. he didn't know what to do. and he didn't want to hurt her, but what about himself? he isn't a bad guy. it takes two to get knocked up but-

"i'm not ready to be a father," his words came out quietly, scared that hearing it himself would make the guilt he felt feel worse. and it did. the look on her face when she finally looked him in the eyes, if her glow was already dull, he'd taken it away. the words already did their damage, now he has to stay true to them. he got up from the table, hands shaky as he pushed the chair in without a word and he offers her an apologetic bow as if that could take everything back. "i'm sorry y/n." he didn't know what he expected. who would forgive a deadbeat anyways. she didn't say a word, opting to keep her head down in shame. she stayed that way, not even bothering to move even after she heard the door close behind him, announcing his genuine departure from the home.

y/n wasn't nearly as sad as she thought she'd be. chaewon was right, it would hurtㅡ and for a long time it did. "but once you feel okay, even for a second, everything will be okay," she told y/n. and that's what it was, after 2 months of tears, her brain shifted its focus from the pain of his absence to the changes her body was making. she noticed the small bump in which the baby was forming became more noticeable in her shirts. deciding to embrace this, she stopped wearing baggy clothes. and chaewon never failed to remind her how beautiful she looked whenever they'd go out. she noticed she started to gain weight, but it didn't make her upset.

instead of looking in the mirror with disgust, like she had done before she found out about her pregnancy, she spent her lonely nights smiling in the mirror as she rubbed her tummy. her earlier pregnancy symptoms started to lessen, and her eagerness to visit the doctors increased as she was always excited to look at her ultrasound. she no longer dealt with nausea, being able to feed both herself and the baby without fear of regurgitation, but she soon found that her stamina had also begun to change. she spent most of her off days homebound, as moving around too much could easily take her breath away.

"alright, ms.l/n," the doctor says, spreading the ultrasound gel onto y/n's tummy, the coolness giving her chills as its temperature mixed with the cold air that the air conditioner blew. "let's see how this little rascal is coming along, shall we?" doctor kim asks, moving the transducer around as real time images of the fetus started coming onto the screen. y/n tilts her head backwards to look at the screen, smiling at it.

"aww, it's got its thumb in its mouth," she cooed, putting on a happy pout to chaewon who was indulging in the screen as well. taking her eyes off of it, she signaled the doctor's attention while y/n stayed in a daze, watching her baby as it minded its business in her tummy. "are we going to be able to tell it's gender soon?" chaewon asks, making the doctor nod in response. "how long will that be?" she adds on, making the doctor think about how far along y/n was by now.

"we should be able to tell in the next week or so, from what i'm seeing, if its a male, its genitals haven't developed yet, so we'll have to wait to see if any more developments, in that sense, occur," doctor kim says, moving the transducer more around the head area. "we'll have to develop the photos before you leave, miss l/n."

"oh, please, doctor!" y/n exclaims excitedly as she continued to watch the screen. "oh my room is gonna be filled with framed pictures of these!" she claps, making the other two girls in the room smile at her joy. it was a huge change in attitude from what they'd seen just five months before. clapping her hands together, doctor kim begins to clean up the gel and transducer, putting the items away as she begins the printing process for the ultrasound pictures.

once chaewon and y/n left, they decided to go to the store to get more groceries. "i want fruit roll ups," y/n said as she looked at the aisle signs, searching for the one that displayed where the snacks were. once she spotted it, she dragged chaewon, who was holding the cart, directly to the aisle. chaewon could only giggle at her friend with the roll of her eyes. "we gotta get some healthy snacks too, love. how about some nature valley bars?"

"i don't know..." y/n responded. "i just want something sweet and chewy right now, but i could go for some dorito chips right now if you want me to eat something crunchy," she says, mouth watering at the idea of it. "nope. nope, nope, nope, nope," chaewon says, grabbing y/n's hand while she used the other one to steer out of the unhealthy aisle that they'd already stepped foot in. "we're not feeding your baby that junk, let's just stick to fruits, okay?"

y/n grumbles a complaint under her breath, but she complies as they go to the produce aisle. "let's get chocolate syrup, too. for the strawberries," she begged, which chaewon mindlessly nodded to at this point, being too busy putting boxes of berries into the cart. "then go get 'em," she says, shooing the unoccupied girl. y/n nodded as she walked over to the isle where it'd be held. she hummed a nameless tune as she looked around for the brand she wanted. picking up two different bottles, she pouted in thought, turning her head back and forth from them.

hearing a groan out of nowhere, with a familiar base in the voice, she scrunches her eyebrows and turns to where it came from. her heartbeat picked up as a distracted and frustrated jake came into her view, only around 5 feet away from her. just then, she felt a sting in her stomach. "fuck," she cursed to herself. the baby was kicking. she, with shaky hands, quickly threw one of the chocolate bottles back onto the shelf as she waddled away as quickly as possible. it had been so long since she felt the rush jake gave her. she was no longer mad at him because of what he did to her, but she was still pissed off at what he didn't and wouldn't do for their baby. "were you kicking me because you couldn't kick daddy?" she cooed rubbing her stomach as she saw chaewon rolling over to her.

"what about the baby's daddy?" chaewon asked as they began walking side by side. y/n snarled. he really doesn't deserve to be called that. she thought. but she quickly returned to her normal friendly gaze as soon as she met chaewon's eyes. "we, well i saw jaeyun in the syrup aisle, and the baby started kicking me. i think he did it because he couldn't kick him."

"he?"

"huh? oh yeah. i've got a feeling he's a boy, my girl wouldn't use me as her punching bag," she joked as she rubbed where the baby was adamant on kicking about. chaewon smiled at the sight, moving the girl's hand to replace it with her own. it almost brought her to tears as they got into the shortest line. after they'd finished paying and packing the groceries up, they were on their way back to y/n's home.

chaewon shared side glances at the girl while she sang along happily to the tunes that were blasting on the radio. she was starting to realize just how real this was and how far y/n had gotten over the course of this half year. "you're gonna be an amazing mother, you know that?" she says catching y/n by surprise as she stops mid lyric. the radio's volume didn't change, but the world went silent and everything seemed to come to a complete pause as y/n's lips trembled into a small smile, eyes watering as she did so.

in the past six months of her developing pregnancy, she was never told this. of course chaewon has always praised her for her strength, and her parents had offered support though they were disappointed, nobody has ever told her that she'd be a good mother. and, though it's something most mothers would look over, it meant the world to her because she felt like she would be anything but. she didn't realize how long she'd been crying until she no longer felt the car moving as chaewon pat her on the back in a comforting manner. "shh, it's okay. it's okay.. i promise you will be," she says, making the girl's tears pour faster.

"thank you so much," she cried out, allowing her body to milk the tears as she regulated her breathing. "i don't know why that made me cry so much, i think it's been something i've been needing to hear for a long time, you know?" she admitted, sniffling a bit. chaewon nodded, but didn't speak. she realized y/n probably wanted to say more. and she was right. "it's just.. without jake, i didn't think i could do it. i was so ashamed that he didn't want us, i thought that i would end up not wanting the baby, too. but i kept it because i knew that it deserved a chance. and i've been doubtful about my abilities as a mother, thinking i'm not good enough. but hearing that made all of this worth it, i have to be a good mother to it."

"i know, baby," chaewon said, kissing the top of her head. "now let's get you home, okay?" y/n nodded as chaewon restarted the car and finished their journey back to y/n's place. after unpacking the groceries, they spent the rest of that night cuddling while watching a movie on netflix.

walking into the store alone, y/n talked to chaewon, who was resting, through one bluetooth headphone in her ear. "do you really think it was a good idea to leave the gender a surprise?" she asks as she pushes the cart aimlessly around the maternity area in target. "mhm.. yeah. no yeah, you're right. well, anyways i'm just at target right now, about to buy some new jeans cause these mom ones are getting too tight... i know! it's ironic. well, i'm not gonna hold you up, you should finish working. okay, bye bye. love you, too." once the call ends, she goes to pick up some jeans. as soon as she finished picking out a pair or two, she rolled her way into the snacking aisle. a part of her was relieved that her stomach wasn't too big for her to be able to push the cart, she enjoyed being alone lately, even though she knew it wouldn't last very long as she only had 14 more weeks to go, and things would only get more difficult then.

picking up two boxes of granola bars, she hummed quietly as her head turned back and forth between the two items. she wondered which one to buy, they were both a personal favorite to her, but she wasn't looking to spend hundreds again, she still hadn't bought a bulk of the baby clothes yet since she didn't exactly know what to buy other than an excessive amount of zoo themed oneㅡ because there's nothing more gender neutral for babies than animal themed clothing. it had only been a mere seconds that she'd been so lost in her decision that she didn't even notice that particular set of eyes that were set on her, guilt building up and rushing through his veins as he stood there frozen in his spot.

jake was carrying a handheld basket. he figured he'd only needed to come to pick up some protein bars and energy drinks, he didn't need a cart. well, now he was regretting it as his grip faltered on the basket making it fall down onto the floor, items flying anywhere they pleased. luckily the boxes only slid a few feet in front of him. however, the protein shake rolled into forbidden territory, that forbidden territory being the area where she stood. his eyes widened and his head lowered as she turned her attention to the protein shake, then to him. he did his best to stall picking up the boxes as he did what he could to avoid looking at her. his hands shook as her shoes appeared in his vision.

"you dropped this, sir," she says. she had a smile on her face, the most beautiful one that he would have been crushed to see drop as soon as they made eye contact, but it did. "oh," was all she could say as he got up, gripping his basket harder as they made eye contact for the first time in a little over half a year. "oh," he responds, his eyes flickering to her stomach. a sudden punch of grief and regret hit him directly in his heart as it seemed to clench with pain. he averted his eyes and looked back into hers, but, again, he wished he hadn't. the tears were already brimming. "oh, oh. no, please don't cry. i'm sorry. please don't cry, please."

"i'm sorry. i'm just so happy to see you," her frown worsened as she squeezes her eyes shut, sobs escaping through her closed mouth while her body only shook as her arms stayed glued to her side. "shit, y/n. don't say that, please," he didn't know what to do. his eyes watered as he hesitated before pulling her in his embrace, the basket long forgotten as it fell back to the floor with a thud. he thought a hug would help, but it just hurt the both of them more. he was warm, exactly like she remembered. she wanted to be closer, to feel more of him but her stomach only allowed him to hold her so much. he felt her belly pressed against his, and it was foreign because it's nothing like the last time he held her and it was just a painful reminder of why he felt so shitty to begin with. "i'm sorry," he says, pulling back all too soon for the both of their liking. "we should leave, i don't want you crying in a target."

he grabs her hand, gently dragging her along as they walked out of the building. "i don't have a car, i ubered here," she says as she tries to keep up with his quickened steps. he nods in acknowledgement, not turning his head to her as he was too scared to look at her again. "i know, baby. we're gonna go in mine." now she was kinda glad he didn't look back at her, because her face had contorted into both a smile and a frown. she was still his baby after all this time, even if he didn't deserve it. once they reached the said vehicle, he opened the door for her, helping her get in as she couldn't climb in as swiftly as she used to due to the big changes in her body. it was kinda cute, the way she needed his help. it made him reminisce the moments that could've been. the times they could've had together if he didn't panic. brushing his thoughts aside, he got in on the driver's side as he began making his way to her place.

after they'd gotten in the house, he had the pleasure of seeing the changes made. in the kitchen, there was a green high chair with leaves scattered on it. when they walked into the living room, there was a fluffed carpet with the abc's accompanied with pictures of animals corresponding to the beginning letter. they walked into her bedroom whose walls were littered with pictures of every ultrasound, the growth of the child becoming more apparent as it continued. everything has changed. and jake wasn't here to experience any of it. he wasn't there to help her through any of it. and he felt so terrible for it.

"wow," was all he could say as he stared at the ultrasounds. she'd long been sitting on the bed, watching him. she had always wondered how she would feel when seeing him again. she wondered how he'd look physically, how he'd look at her, anything. she wondered if she would be angry. she promised herself she'd be angry, that she would lash out at him and spew all the hatred that had manifested these past seven months. but she wasn't angry. and she didn't lash out because.. she didn't want to. she was so happy to see him. and to see how he still cared for her, it healed the wounds that he had left behindㅡ most of them anyways. the room grew terribly quiet as the atmosphere began to suffocate them, engulfing them in the gloom that jake emitted into the air. he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders heaving up and down as his sobs only seemed to elevate in volume.

y/n's eyes widened as she used her step stool to get down from the bed and walk over to him, wrapping her arms around whatever her body could allow her to. he was crying. every single emotion he had pushed down was starting to tear its way through his eyes, lungs, and mouth as he buried his face inside his hands. tears, snots, and spit pooled in the palm of his hands but he didn't care. he wanted to allow himself to feel. but he felt so guilty. he didn't deserve to be comforted by her. cause god knows who was there to comfort her. "i'm sorry. fuck i'm so sorry y/n. i never wanted to leave you. i was just so scared. i was already scared to ruin our relationship. and then you told me and i freaked out. i changed my mind as soon as i walked out but i was so scared to come back because that would be so shitty, but i thought about you every single day. i want to be in the baby's life. i want to be in your life. i'll do anything to fix things. i can't keep living like this. you deserve to be taken care of, both of you. and i want to be the one to care for you."

his words touched every inch of her body, from the top of her head to way beyond her toes. she didn't even realize she was crying until it suddenly became harder to breathe in her nose, the airways being blocked by a sudden stuffiness. she let go of him, going to wipe her own tears off as he wiped his hands off. "y/n? are you okay?" he asked as she finally looked into his reddened eyes. "i waited so long for you to say those words to me. i'm so overwhelmed and happy, jaeyun. please don't leave me again," she begged, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. he didn't even get to respond as he felt her lips graze his. their tears slipped through their lips as the kiss continued. he cupped her face, bringing her impossibly closer as he tried not to apply too much pressure to her stomach. the two of them walked over to the bed, he helped her get up onto the bed where they would lay for the rest of the day.

"when does your lease end?" jake asks y/n as he pours himself a bowl of cereal. she shrugs, taking a bite out of her burrito. she tries her best to think about the date she'd need to renew it. "some time at the end of this month, why?"

"i want you to move in with me," he says, making her choke on her food. she coughs up the remaining pieces out of her throat as she drinks water to calm down the new burning sensation. "well, my lease ends in two weeks. i've been saving up money so we can have enough for a down payment on a better apartment. what do you think about that?" he asks, sitting across from her. she was frozen, chewing her new bite from the burrito more than it needed to be. this was all so sudden. sure, she had wanted this for a long time, but she didn't think it would happen even in her wildest dreams. it just all felt so unreal. "am i overwhelming you?" he sighed.

"no," she said after swallowing the food. "i'm just- i don't know. i just.. think there's levels to this and this is skipping a lot of them," she says. he purses his lips and thinks about it for a second before nodding in agreement. "you're right. but i think it should be fine because it's what i would've done anyways. this is making up for lost time. i have to step up as a father, and this is what fathers are supposed to do," he says. "look," pulling out his phone, he opens safari and slides his phone over to her. she looks at the screen. it was an apartment with a lovely view of the city. "only a 15 minute drive from the university and it's close to a lot of the businesses in the area. i could get it now, or we can go and do a tour and-”

"you'd really want to move in with me?" she asked, looking up from the phone. he tilted his head to the side at her. insecurities were apparent, making him realize she was still wary of the whole situation. understandably, he smiles at her with his eyes and nods his head. "of course, baby. we're making a family together. i think living together makes more sense," her posture relaxes as she smiles slightly. a family, huh? she looks through the pictures more: 3 beds, 2 baths. would he want to make more with her? there's so many 2 bedroom apartments in the same area, why not choose those? she wanted to ask him, but everything was happening too soon. and she didn't even tell chaewon that she allowed the boy back into her life yet. "i think it's fine," she says, sliding the phone back over to him. "this is good. i have no idea how i could possibly fit all of everything that i wanted to give the baby into this small apartment anyways."

"okay, then. you can say hello to our new home," he exclaims as he puts his phone in his pocket. "i gotta get to work soon, so i'll be off before your last class ends. i'll pick you up then?" he finishes off the rest of his cereal, sliding the bowl, with its sugary milk, over to her.

"oh," y/n says as she looks down at the gesture, taking the spoon out as she silently sips on the liquid before talking again as if she were embarrassed to continue her sentence. "i actually am doing the online learning course, i figured it'd give me more time to tend to the baby." even with the small laugh she let out, it was evident that she wasn't happy like, the gesture was meant to be. jake nods his head as he gets up.

"then i'll come back with some dinner, let me know what you're craving before 8:30," he says, checking his pockets for his keys. while walking out of the kitchen, he takes one last glance at her before letting out a breath and leaving. y/n stays there for a while as she lets the silence engulf her. there were always so many things to think about when she was alone these days, but today the one thing on her mind was chaewon and what exactly she was going to tell chaewon.

a big part of her wasn't ready to talk about jake yet as she wasn't completely sure if she was dreaming or not, but the other part knew better than to doubt anything that happened to her anymore. and it knew she would have to tell chaewon one way or another. even if she didn't owe it to her, she felt like she deserved to know because she was there for her every step of the way. having jake would take this burden off of her shoulders, but y/n was immensely afraid that chaewon would be disappointed in her. how weak was she as a mother to take back the same man who turned his back on their child? very weak. but she wanted nothing more than for her child to be brought up in a warm and loving family with both of its parents because she believed that jake and she would be good ones, regardless of his initial response when he learned of the pregnancy.

"okay," y/n says as she finally gets up. "clean up first, tell chaewon after," she grabs the plates bowl, and utensils from the table as she walked over to the sink. one by one, she rinses the dishes off, one time, two times, three times before she opens the dishwasher to put them inside. she wanted to manually wash, but it would be putting too much pressure on the front of her stomach from having to reach over the sink for that long, so she reluctantly used the machine. after she finished that, she got the broom and began sweeping the floor. being too lazy to mop, she resorted to sweeping the living up as she did what she could to slow time down. but doing chores wasn't easy with her stamina, so after around 20 minutes of stalling, she decided to plop down on the couch and text her friend.

upon receiving y/n's message chaewon raises an eyebrow, but types out a reply nonetheless. she figured it was something important or something that was bothering because usually y/n would call. as she made her way to the car, she let her unspoken anxiousness run rampant through her mind about what could possibly be bothering her friend. while y/n stared at chaewon's notification, all that could be heard in the silent living room was the tapping of y/n's foot. she clicked her phone off, taking a deep breath as she waited for a few minutes.

telling chaewon about the situation proved to be easier than y/n's doubts had originally convinced her it would be. of course, chaewon's expressions showed hesitance for the whole ordeal, but at the end of the day she knew it wasn't her choice to make. and even though she wanted to beg her not to let him come back so easily, she offered her hand in support. and jake proved to be thankful; the day they all decided to meet up at y/n and jake's new shared apartment for some final touches, he conveyed his gratitude to chaewon. he thanked her for everything in the book that he could think of, especially for taking care of her in place of him and for staying by her side through it all.

"you know," jake said to chaewon as they looked at y/n's sleeping figure on the bed. she'd gotten tired after her day of fun with them. she'd just knocked out mid laughter, resulting in her innocent slumber while the other two conversed. "it's times like this where i wish i stayed. most guys, when they find out their girl is pregnant, just run off and marry her before the bump even starts showing, but me? i ran off like a deadbeat and hid in my bedroom scared. i should've been a man and stepped up to be a father sooner. you know, i saw her again, like- pregnant at a target. just shopping alone. i know how people think out here, i saw how people were looking at her before i came to her side. i can't imagine how much she had to endure before then. i feel so guilty. like i don't deserve to be here."

chaewon listened intently to his words, seeing the way he teared up over it. she hesitantly reached out to hold her hand on top of his, that action alone feeling like betrayal as he stiffened upon her touch, but she only wanted to comfort him. she swallowed before she spoke. "it's too late to change the past, you're here now."

"yeah. i suppose you're right," he removes his hand from hers as he nods and she didn't know why it upset her as much as it did. clearing her throat, she got up from the bed. "i should go now, right? it's late and i have class tomorrow," she smiles softly patting her pants to smoothen them. jake nods and gets up as well as he says "i'll walk you to the door."

"oh! that's not necessary," chaewon shakes her head, but he insists as he follows her to the door.

"i have to lock you out, so either way i have to come out here," he says, making her mentally face palm at herself. she'd read too much into the situation of course. it was silent as she walked out the door, turning around with her hands clasped together. jake raises an eyebrow silently. "hm?"

"her due date is coming soon. i'm going to step down from being her main support from now on. i want to prioritize my life now, so please fulfill that empty spot for me," she says, walking away before he could muster up a reply.

y/n's screams of pain filled the room as the doctors did everything in their power to talk her through the birth. her grip on jake's hand was painful, but he endured it because she was probably feeling worse than he was.

"that's it, ms.l/n, we can see the baby's head poking through now, just keep pushing, keep breathing," doctor kim says, but nothing registers to y/n as she keeps her eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing down her face as she sobs out.

"chaewon!! chaewon-ah, it hurts s-so bad," she brings her free hand to cover her eyes, wiping what she could. jake stays silent, only offering her a chaste kiss on top of her head, then on one of her tear stained cheeks. he couldn't be upset in a moment like this. right now, all he wanted to do was comfort her until this passed through.

"almost there and .... it's a boy!" hearing her son's cries fill the air was the first thing to bring her back to life. her soul felt like it was floating outside of her body until that point, but hearing the first sounds he's been able to make since leaving her womb, pulled her all the way back in. and feeling him in her arms for the first time made all of the pain and hardships she faced worth it. "jaemin," she whispered to the baby boy, whose cries seemed to subside once he felt his mother's touch. "you'll take the 'jae' from your father," jake's ears perked up as soon as he heard it. "look jaeyun," she turned to him with a smile. he looked down to see their baby, sleepily cooing while they both looked at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

"he's beautiful," was all jake could think to say. and it was true, jaemin was beautiful. even though he was covered in gunk and y/n's blood, he was beautiful. doctor kim watched silently for a few minutes before she felt it was alright to take jaemin away to wash him up.

"don't worry, i will bring him back to you after you all get your deserved rest, it was a long 15 hours, but you did it!"

"mhm, i sure did do it," y/n said, her eyes fluttering while she tried her best to stay awake during her tired state. after the doctor left with jaemin, jake wasn't sure of what to do. he scratched the back of his neck, sitting down in a chair while y/n closed her eyes. the room was a comfortable silence at that point, y/n's small breaths bringing the calm to a maximum. "jake?" she whispered, not thinking to speak louder through her drowsiness as jake looked up from his phone over to her. "yeah?"

"can you please sleep with me?"

his heart raced as he looked at her.

"yeah."

"that's a good boy, that's a good boy," jake tickled jaemin's stomach as the 4 month old baby boy cooed, using his small hands in an attempt to grab at his father's.

"he's not a dog jake," chaewon giggled as she watched the two boys. she sat on the couch next to y/n who was lying down, her back facing the group.

"hey, babies can be good boys too," jake argued in his baby voice, his attention still being on the baby he was rocking slightly in his arms

"that's fair," chaewon agreed, rubbing her stomach upon its sudden growling. "you guys hungry?" she asked, opening up her phone to ubereats.

"eh, i could eat," by now jake had gotten bored of standing up, instead he sat down with jaemin whose head was now being held up by the crease in jake's elbow while he sat at a respectable distance from chaewon.

"me too," chaewon says as she scrolls through the tabs on the app, being pulled in by all the food options that it offered. she hummed and slightly turned her head over to y/n who only remained silent, eyes focused on the closed curtains of their living room window. "how about you, y/n?"

letting her eyes focus on multiple spots of the room in front of her, it almost felt like she was searching her surroundings for an answer. but there was none. "i'm not hungry," she finally chose to respond before it was too obvious that she was still avoiding speaking.

"aw c'mon since when are you not hungry? you should be taking advantage of being able to eat whatever you want now that jaemin's outside of your body!" chaewon says, lightly nudging her friend's body, though the girl still didn't respond.

"well..." jake's voice suddenly piped into the conversation. "she's breastfeeding, so she still has to be cautious of the nutrients and junk she gets. can't have our baby being unhealthy, now can we?"

now it was jake's turn to be nudged. "aw c'mon, he'll be fine with a little tacos in his baby system! i'll order some now, matter of fact," chaewon said as she typed in 'tacos' in the app's search bar.

"alright, but none of that taco bell, we need the organics."

"well you're not gonna find that in korea.."

"fair enough," jake says as he gets up from his seat on the couch. "let's just go get some. y/n needs some alone time with jaemin anyways, we've basically stolen him away from her. isn't that right, baby?" he says, booping the boy's nose. he walks over to y/n, gently moving her shoulder in a way that would lay her on her back. she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him as he placed jaemin on her, a heavy feeling forming in her stomach. he pouts, sympathizing with her tiredness as he places a kiss on both her and jaemin's head. "we'll be back," he says as he and chaewon quietly head out.

she only opens her eyes after she hears the door shut and lock. looking down, she sees jaemin fighting sleep as he is so at peace with her warmth, and it's only then that she's brought back to reality. the guilty feeling she would always get once she would hold him would come back again and she begins to ask herself why she was feeling the way she was.

carefully, she maneuvers herself so that she can hold him properly in her arms with a sigh. "god damn it, jaemin. why am i like this? i don't hate you, i know i don't. but why does it feel like this sometimes?" his lack of understanding towards her words makes her feel a little better, he dribbles and gives her a gummy as she kisses the top of his head. "i'm sorry, baby. i don't like feeling like i can only love you when it's just the two of us alone. this isn't how a mother should feel. you deserve better than me." closing her eyes, she slightly sways her body to become a human rocking chair to soothe him more than her warmth could do on its own.

"can you believe it's only been four months since he's been born?" although jaemin was nearing half a year of being with them now, jake already loved the boy enough to be able to talk about him nonstop for hours on end. he even went back to work early just to be able to brag about how healthy and strong his son would turn out to be. there'd even be nights where he and y/n would sleep with jaemin, and she'd wake up to see him have his back facing her, while jaemin would be carefully cuddled up to him on the other side. it was no secret that he loved his baby so much at times it'd be suffocating, for y/n at least. even when their parents came over to visit, they'd joke and say he must have been the one to give birth to jaemin instead of y/n.

even now, as the couple lay in bed, it felt awkward for jake not to have jaemin with them. it had been a mutual decision of theirs to have him sleep in his crib as sleeping in between two very active sleepers could potentially be dangerous. even now as they both faced each other, faces being dimly lit by their tv, his mind seemed to stay focused on the baby who was asleep in the next room as the smile on his face never faltered. y/n looked into his eyes, smiling back. she felt at ease being able to be so close with him without having to worry about keeping distance between their bodies for the sake of jaemin. it was refreshing. but she thought it'd be better if he would shift his focus to her, even if it was just for tonight. after these four long months of neglect, it's the least he could do for her.

yet, somehow his conversation regarding the boy never seemed to end. so, taking matters into her own hands, he put a finger to his lips, giggling as he finally grew silent. "you have work in the morning. sleep," she says, and he nods, the smile on his face staying the same.

"i must be keeping you awake huh?"

y/n hummed in response, using her thumbs to gently caress his face as he melted into her touch. "okay, then let's sleep," he said, gently removing himself from her hold so that he was laying on his back as sleep seemed to come over him quickly. she guessed it was easier to tire when it came to her. she turned her back to face him as she reminisced the days he would stay up and talk to her. she so naively thought that moving in together would bring them closer; it wouldn't be surprising if she woke up to an empty spot in the bed when she'd wake up later.

"i'm happy you're here, but you shouldn't have switched to online classes just to be able to see me everyday," y/n said as she changed jaemin's diaper, the boy kicking his chubby feet at her in protest to the cold baby wipe she swiped on his bum as she attempted to rid him of his potty mess.

"oh please," chaewon says as she waves a ringing teddy bear in front of the baby's face to offer a distraction for y/n to finish more smoothly. "going in person was only fun because you were there, plus i love that i have more time to see my best friend and my beautiful nephew!"

"he is beautiful, isn't he?" she said as she put the boy in his diaper, his hiss of fits finally coming to an end as she rocked him back and forth in her arms. "he looks so much like his daddy, too."

"well, i see the both of you in him," chaewon says, laying on her shoulder with a content sigh. "it's so crazy how much he's matured since he came back. i honestly held a grudge against him, but now i think you caught the stars with him. he's an amazing father," chaewon finishes, raising an eyebrow when she hears a small sigh coming from her friend. "what's wrong?"

y/n's complaint is simple. when chaewon asks her, she admits, "he's a good father, and he takes such good care of jaemin, of course, but i just wish he'd take care of me too, you know? he used to have real life feelings for me, now it just feels like i'm nothing more than a mother to him, now that he's a father." she prayed to god that she didn't sound jealous of her own baby. how pathetic that would be of her.

"baby... i'm sure this is just a first time parent thing. he's excited about the baby you guys made. i would be too, i mean, look at him! he's adorable," her eyes scan the baby's features, smiling softly at the sight before her. "don't forget what you feel for him too, though, okay? you love jaemin that much too, right?" it was something y/n never thought about. deep down she knew she had to love jaemin. she knew somewhere inside her heart that she adored him, and there were even times where she wanted to spend every waking moment with him, but she wasn't happy. or at least not in the way she thought she would be.

when she was first pregnant with jaemin, all she could ever think about was how badly she wanted to hold him. how badly she wanted to meet him and love him the way she knew best, but nothing she ever did with him felt like the magic she wanted. if anything, she was pretty miserable all the time. all the responsibility was pushed onto her, nobody else dealt with his crying, nobody else fed him, changed his diaper, anything. everyone got the luxuries of being around him while she did all the work.

she hated it, but that's what she was supposed to do, isn't it? she was supposed to care for her child while jake went to work to make sure they all got fed & taken care of. she couldn't possibly expect chaewon to pitch in, it wasn't her child. but she felt lonely, and even though it hurt her physically, mentally, emotionally, she couldn't just stop taking care of the boy. he was her responsibility. no matter what she did.

and she tried so hard to not direct those malice feelings towards him, but there's a big part in her brain that blames him. chaewon notices the silence and it tells her everything she knows. "a lot of things can happen to your emotions postpartum, y/n. there is help that you can get to get you through this. don't be mad at yourself for feeling sad, it's normal."

"yeah... i'm sorry. i just don't know how to cope with this stuff." chaewon shakes her head fondly and pulls the girl into a side hug, patting her back gently until she lets go again.

"don't be. i'll look into getting you help, but for now i'll look for temporary remedies." she smiles and kisses her cheek affectionately, pulling away once more before walking out of the room. "get some rest. we can talk more later, okay?"

y/n nods silently and watches her walk out of the room, deciding to put the baby to sleep in his room before she goes into her own to do the same.

chaewon's temporary remedy was one of the best gifts y/n could have ever wished for. it took some days, but she convinced jake to take y/n out on a proper date. after 4 months of solely focusing on raising the baby, the two of them are finally getting some alone time together. and y/n could not be any happier. he scheduled a shorter work day so they could go out sooner, and she spent the whole day getting ready. she had lost half of the baby weight, and due to the practices she followed to recover from the birth, her body looked almost the same as it had pre-pregnancy. she did her makeup as best as she could, threw on a matching velvet two-piece, and she even deep cleaned the house so it would look and smell good when he would arrive home.

when he came home, he barely had time to hug her and admire the way she looked as her hands were both already occupied. one hand held jaemin's sleepover bag, while the other held the sleepy baby in his car seat. raising his eyebrow, she only offered him a smile. "i'm ready whenever you are," she said, but he only laughed.

"i have to get ready too," he said, walking into the direction of the bedroom to do just that. the home was silent apart from the shower sounds as she sat on the couch. jaemin was in his cradle playing with the mobile that hung above his head. she didn't know exactly how much more patient she could be. now that she knew what the night had in store for her, she couldn't stop thinking about it; that made the wait so much more difficult to endure.

it felt like hours before jake came out of their room. his jet black hair was parted in the middle, partially slicked back on one side while his outfit consisted of a silk maroon button up with silk black pants and black loafers. her eyes couldn't help but widen as she looked at him. yep. they needed to leave fast. in the blink of an eye, she was carrying both jaemin and his bag, following closely behind jake as they walked to the car.

the drive was quiet as jaemin had fallen asleep in the back. jake's focus was on the road, while y/n's eyes were on him. after they dropped jaemin off at chaewon's place the plan was to go out to eat, but as they approached the highway that would lead to where the closest restaurants were, y/n started feeling a heavy feeling in her stomach.

"um, jake?" she says, lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. he turns his head slightly to glance at her before turning his attention back to the road. "how hungry are you? like hungry hungry, or just 'eh, i guess i could eat' kinda hungry?" she asks, making him cock and eyebrow.

"the second i guess, why? are you not hungry?" he asks, finally being able to turn to her when they hit a red light. she nods without saying anything. "not gonna lie, i went through hell getting that reservation. eating just a little won't hurt, right?"

"i'm sorry but my stomach hurts really bad..."

"y/n," jake says, pulling over to the side of the road so he could look at her while they spoke. "do you just not want to eat?" she doesn't speak back this time. he sighs, rubbing his temples as his other hand grips on the wheel. "fine. we don't have to go, i'm not doing this with you tonight," he says, his tone void of anything, but she could tell he was annoyed. he turns the car back on and pulls back onto the road, looking for the nearest place to turn around. this time, the quietness of the ride was uncomfortable. she didn't want to be in it, but she was afraid to speak; she wouldn't know what to say anyways.

instead of taking the route that would lead them home, he takes a turn that would lead to where they had come from: chaewon's house to which y/n begs him not to. "why are we going to chaewon's house?" she asks.

"we're picking jaem up?" he says like it's the most obvious answer.

"please no!" her voice was desperate, more desperate than he needed to hear. "it's just- i don't know when we'll ever get time like this again. i don't want to lose out. please."

"okay."

he takes a left, starting the journey to go their way home. his speed is faster than normal. she notices and doesn't like it, but she does her best to ignore it since she was getting what she wanted in the end. when they walked into their shared home, she was glad she cleaned up nicely because the atmosphere felt calmer than it would have been if the house was still a baby mess.

y/n thought she'd feel better, but her mood only worsens when she realizes jake still is upset. he goes over to the couch, flopping backwards onto it as he rested his head on the head of it. he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt with a sigh. she walks over to him with extreme caution, sitting next to him.

"are you alright?"

he just shrugs, mumbling under his breath, "this was pointless, if we were just gonna come back home." she purses her lips, biting back a frown.

"not completely pointless! it's nice to get a break from being a parent once in a while."

"for who?" he responds, "i have no problem being a parent, do you?" he turns to her, a look in his eyes daring her to say something. and it should make her intimidated, but for some reason it only blows her off the edge she was already doing her best to stay balanced on.

"would i be such a villain to say i do?!" she finally screams at him, the sudden change in volume catching him by surprise. "jesus christ, jake. i just don't get what's so special about him." her words spew a hatred she didn't know she could have at her own child and it angers jake more than any angry words could possibly explain.

"him? HIM?!? you mean our child?!?!"

y/n dodges the question as tears start to flow down her face. he looks at her in disbelief as he gets up from where he's sitting to walk away to create some space between them, but she only follows behind him, her built up frustrations finally clawing their way out her throat as she spoke. "all you care about is him; you're becoming nothing more than a dad, now and it's so. fucking. miserable!"

"well what the fuck do you want me to do, y/n?" he slams his fist against the wall, making her flinch. a split second of humanity was able to hit him again as he pinched his temples, a deep sigh being exhaled. "i'm not going back to being a deadbeat. i'm not going back to feeling burdened by my own decision. he's my son. our son."

"yes, jake. believe me. i know he's yours," she pauses, the lump forming an unbearable pain in her throat as she opens her mouth to speak again. "but am i?" she wanted to be strong. in all the scenarios where she had imagined she would be able to express her feelings, she was sure she'd be strong. it wasn't a phrase she had intentionally practiced for the hundreds of what-ifs her brain conjured, but it was the only sentence that could convey the hurt she had been feeling in her heart.

she cleared her throat, deciding not to let the silence last a second more. "aren't i supposed to be loved, too? don't i matter, too?" her attempt to keep her composure crumbled as she broke out into sobs. she knew it was supposed to hurt, but did it have to hurt this bad? she'd endured this feeling of unbelonging for such a long time, the least her heart could do was make it hurt less.

"y/n-" she hears him interrupt himself with a sigh as he walks towards her, pulling her into an embrace and resting his head on hers. he didn't know how to comfort her. there wasn't an easy way to put into words everything he felt for her, especially since it all came with emotions he didn't fully understand. "you matter so much to me. so fucking much, y/n. more than i can ever explain." he wrapped his arms around her tighter and she returned his affection, burying her head in his shoulder.

"please promise me that you mean it. please promise you won't forget about me " her voice wavered as she spoke, and he noticed how badly she was shaking. he wanted so badly to tell her how he felt, but he didn't know where he stood. they were never together. even if they both loved each other, it was never expressed because their situation didn't allow them to in the past. now things had changed, and he didn't know how they were gonna handle it.

"i promise." he whispered, hoping it would be enough.

she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face as she looked up at him. he gently smiled down at her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek, brushing her hair back from her face. she leans forward, wrapping her arms around him as she looked him in the eye. he smiled down at her, heart beating faster as he swallowed all his fears to express himself. "i love you, y/n, i'm sorry for pulling away instead of accepting it." the words caught her off guard, this was the first time he'd ever said such a thing to her. and it was better than she could've ever imagined.

tears spilled from her eyes as her lip quivered, she nodded understanding before pulling him into a kiss. she didn't know how long it'd been since they last kissed and it lasted only a second before she pulled away. "i love you too jake."

in an instant, his lips were back on hers, only pulling away long enough for him to look her in the eyes with a smirk as he asked "oh, do you?" their kiss grew sloppy as he lightly wrapped his hand around her neck, guiding her to the couch as he maneuvers himself so that he's sitting first. he pulls her on his lap, hands making their way to her waist as she grinded her hips against his growing erection, letting her tongue slip through his lips as he began sucking on it. he moved his hands up, fumbling with the zipper on her top before zipping it down fully. once he'd done that, she slipped out of it, her breasts falling down with a bounce before he latched his lips onto one of them, sucking slightly before releasing it with a loud pop.

there was no need to rush this time, they had the house all to themselves. their kiss lasted what felt like hours, only the sound of lips smacking and clothes rubbing against each other could be heard. jake pulls back for air, moving to unbutton his shirt. she only watches him intently wondering how he could make a simple action so, so sensual. he notices her stares and he likes it. his dick twitches and he realizes that, though the kissing and grinding is amazing, he wanted more. so much more.

"you gonna put those pretty lips to use or are we just gonna play around all night?" he asks making her eyes widen in excitement as she moves off of his lap to lay on the couch, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants before pulling them down to his mid thigh as she immediately latched her lips around the tip of his cock.

he sucks in a breath as she swirls her tongue around it, scooting down in his spot as he relaxed under her touch. "yeah, just like that," he praises as he pushes her head down so she can take in all of his length, fucking deeply into her mouth, not allowing her to come up even when she tapped on his thigh, gagging around him. "mmm, that's right." he finally let her come up to breathe, moving his hand to notify her that he wanted her to take control. she used the spit around his cock to her advantage as she let her mouth sink down until she felt his tip hit the back of her throat, doing her best to keep bobbing her head that way.

he hums and pats her butt, lifting her hip slightly to tell her to lift it more into the air. he does his best to pull her skirt off, letting her wiggle her way out of it, standing on her knees as he moves her panties to the side as he dipped his fingers into her wetness, adding two fingers. he sped up his thrusts, adding another finger as she kept going, teasingly stopping every time she would moan to the point of being inaudible. her legs started to shake as she resorted to only sucking the tip as she couldn't suck him any better with the way she couldn't stop moaning.

"get up and ride me," he tells her. she quickly obeys and inserts him inside of her, hopping up and down as she does her best to ride him, though her speed is slow. he smacks her ass, squeezing it harshly before spreading her cheeks apart. "good girl.. do you like making daddy feel good?" he asks as he grabs her chin and pulls her in for a kiss, this time letting it turn french. she moans into it, the lengths of his cock hitting her g-spot without fail every time she'd drop down. it made her speed and movement falter forcing him to grab her by her ass, lifting her body higher as he begins fucking into her, leaving her an absolute mess as she entangles her fingers into his hair breaking the kiss to moan in her ear.

"you feel so fucking good around me, but now's not the time to be a pillow princess," he again still praises as she tries to meet his thrusts. she has to take her hands out of his hair as she grips her nails into his shoulder, unable to fully process the pleasure her body was taking in. with the way her pussy clenched around him partnered with the pain from her fingernails digging into his skin, he couldn't help but be vocal about it. "you just wanna get pregnant again huh? you want me to fuck my seed into you again? you want me to reclaim this pussy? huh? you like that?"

squeezing her eyes shut, y/n just couldn't hold back anymore as she falls apart on top of him her first orgasm taking over all her senses, legs trembling from the feeling as she starts babbling between moans. he laughs as she rests her head on his shoulder, words still not forming correctly. "spit it out," he says as he slows his thrusts down ever so slightly so she could speak. she didn't know what came over her as she moaned out again, another orgasm hitting her as she came undone once again. she looks at him with a fucked out expression and says "faster."

his dick twitches as he complies, pounding deeper into her, feeling cocky, and only speeding up as he speaks praises into her ear. "you're so good to me, fuck y/n. you're gonna have to deal with me forever.. i'm not letting anyone even dream of having a chance with you. you're mine, all mine you understand?" she nods. "keep letting me fuck you like this and you're gonna be my wife sooner."

hearing this makes her moan louder as she smashes her lips on his, he keeps his speed, sometimes thrusting all the way in, staying there for a second too long for her liking, just to drive her crazy as she comes undone another time, finally making him start reaching his own pleasure limit. he doesn't change his speed or actions as he finally buries himself deep inside of her as he filled her with his hot seed. "you're mine," he says as she falls limp on top of him in exhaustion. she smiles and for the first time in months, she felt all the weight lifted off of her shoulders.

"all yours."

end.

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen smut #kpop smut #jake x reader #jake x fem reader #enhypen jake #enhypen jake smut #jake smut #jake scenarios #jake angst #jake imagines #enhypen angst

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rainthespiritual · 2 months

Text

pt 1 , pt 2

Pre-death Tate Langdon fic PART TWO

btw some trigger warnings for the series as a whole are deffinetly: drug abuse, depression, suicide, and topics similar to that even if they don't show up in this specific part THEY WILL EVENTUALLY so I just want yall to be warned ty

TRIGGER WARNING : Tate langdon is a tw tbh and American horror story in general, smoking, talk of abusive dad and family slightly(it'll be talked abt more in other parts), angst, this part is more tame that the other parts will be, and alot of talk on bullying and angsty teen bullshit yk the drill

summery: Tate invited you to his house and talked to you about wanting to be friends again!

sorry if this is bad I didn't get to edit it cuz im using my phone PLZ ENJOY LETS GET INTO IT YUH

"Meet me here again tommorow, same time."

His words have been repeating in your head since yesterday. I mean yeah almost being caught by a teacher scared you shitless... and you didn't want it to happen again but it seemed almost worth it. the way he makes you feel is worth it. I mean this is the most validated you've felt in months.

You are pulled back to reality, to the smell of musty books and to the sound of the library, "___ you aren't listening again." sighing at your so called friend. you almost snap at her but she continues before you can knowing she now has your attention again. the sound of a distant clock ticking puts you more at ease as you try not to get too deppressed. The library is usually a nice safe space for you but sometimes you are followed, but you just have to deal with it. she goes on for a while before saying something that actually causes you to look up at her,

"Do you see that guy staring at me." she waves her head and your eyes meet Tates. he's sitting down at a distant table with a book in his hands but it's clear he isn't reading it. He smiles when you notice him and its also clear he isn't looking at your friend. He's staring at you.

"Yeah I do Heather.." you break eye contact with him hoping the hotness you feel in your cheeks isn't them turning red. Tate also stops looking in your direction and his attention goes to the book.

"I mean he's cute but he's all quiet and weird, ya know? ..kinda like you." she smiles as you sigh. you aren't quiet she just won't let you get a word in. You look back to the table where Tate was at but he is gone, you look around wondering if he was still in the library but there is no sign of him. not even the book he was reading, he must have taken it. it is common for kids at your school to take books to the tables and leave them if they weren't interested or more likely if they were just trying to seem busy. Tho it being frowned upon it happens quite alot.

"I've gotta go." You gather your things and start to stand.

"..where do you have to go?" Heather your friend scoffs slightly thinking you have nothing better to do.

"I've gotta go to the bathroom actually so.. And class is starting soon, see ya." with that you leave almost as fast as you did yesterday, mostly to avoid more questioning and bitching.

It almost being time to meet Tate you make your way to the bathroom you both were at yesterday. its pretty early but it's nice to have some thinking time. you stare at the door listening making sure no one is coming your way. you'd get questioned deffinetly, especially class starting so soon.. you fidget waiting for the bell to ring but it feels like time is going by way slower than it is. After thinking for a while and the bell not ringing still you decide to go in early, I mean maybe no one's in there? like Tate said almost no one ever comes this way. or maybe Tates there early too? maybe that's why he left the library so soon..

"Tate..?" you walk in slowly praying no one other than Tate is in this bathroom. You cautiously have your eyes closed just incase.

"___?.. You're early, hey." you open your eyes to find a nervous looking Tate.

"Hey yeah I am... is- is that okay, or?" you take a deep breath, the bathroom smells like harsh chemicals and it slightly irritates your nose. "Yeah no its fine, just surprised me is all." what he says makes you feel better and you look up to see him smiling at you, his eyes are red and watery and hes repeatedly wiping his nose.

"is there anything wrong?" you ask genuinely concerned. You seem to notice a wave of sadness on his face, or maybe it was just the smell of this bathroom you felt it irritating your eyes so maybe the same was happening to him? or maybe he was sad, he did tend to look sad. remembering all the small times you looked at him in the halls or at him if he was in the same room as you, he was sad. or atleast not smiling.

"Nothing at all, now that you're here." he walks closer to you, looking down at you.

"me? what do you mean?" you knew exactly what he meant, it just felt so surreal that this tall blonde good smelling guy that just so happened to go to school with you they you also used to be friends with could say this. I mean who would have known. all the boys you were used to interacting with never payed that kind of attention to you.

"I just mean I'm glad you're here. what else would I mean?" you smile again enjoying him saying these things. the validation you felt made you feel great, and he knew exactly what to do to make you feel special. not to say he was lying or anything, he wasn't. His confidence radiated off of him and he knew just what to say.

"well you could mean alot of things." he smirks at your response before pausing.

"Here, sit with me again." He climbs up on the sinks, making sure they aren't wet with his sleeve first. you notice a brownish red stain on his sleeve and decide whether ot not to bring it up. you choose to ignore it climbing up next to him. you take a deep breath noticing how your nose is now used to the harsh chemical smell that is all around the both of you.

"I'm surprised you came," he states looking into your eyes, a weird wave of guilt builds up in your stomach remembering how well you two got along. you truly regret not talking to him and hope you can make up for all the time you two have lost together.

" you know... I think about you all the time." he pushes a section of your hair behind your ear, admiring your face again.

you smile wider at him focusing on his pretty brown eyes. They are so dark and mysterious its not even funny. you also take notice of how dark his undereyes are, he must be tired.

"Is that why you were looking at me earlier? " you nervously smirk watching as he gets up off the counter to stand infront of you.

"we should go to my house." he places his arms on the counter making it so he is looking down on you slightly.

"your house?" you gulp.

"yep, my house," he nods, "we'd have fun I swear. I mean no one's even home." this catches you off guard. I mean a boy inviting you to his house was the last thing you expected to happen. Especially at school, a boy is not only inviting you to his house hes inviting you to ditch school with him at his house.. while no one's home.

"Sure, fuck it!" He leaves first making sure no one is around, you sneak out thanking God no one is around. and somehow you guys make it out without being caught. He leads you and you start to get nervous.

"is- is your house close or?" you gulp feeling a tad bit guilty. You've never missed school on purpose before.

"Actually I was thinking of going somewhere first.." he smirks and puts his hand around your shoulders.

"oh.. where?" the ideas of where he could bring you excited you slightly. The air was clear and the sun was hiding behind some clouds. its a gloomy day yet you were glad you were getting to spend it with Tate, something about him hypnotized you and made you feel ways you never felt before.

"The beach, trust me it's cool. especially on days like this.." he smirks more putting your hand in his, his warm soft touch made you blush. You never felt this way about anyone, he made you feel special.

You both walk in silence just enjoying eachothers company until you make it to the beach. You both sat in the sand admiring the ocean and the gloomy sky.

"do you play hookey alot?" you ask smiling already knowing he often does, you just didn't know what else to say.

"just when I get bored, or sad I guess.. I like to come here, y'know when everything gets too much? I come here.." he sighs looking off into the sea, his eyes are shining with the water and you can't help but to admire his beauty.

"No, I totally get that. I get sad alot too, thats why I go to the library. Usually no one follows me." he frowns looking away in the distance making you unable to look in his eyes anymore.

"y'know.. I don't get why you hang out with those assholes, it's clear they give zero shits about you. all they care about is themselves, even I can tell you that." you frown along with him, you want to tell him off but you can't bring yourself to because in the end... he's right. they don't and never cared about you. they never listen to you about your problems or your feelings. It's always about them them them.

"I know.. that's exactly how it is.. but I have no one else, I'm too scared to be alone." you open up a bit to him about how you feel hoping he will actually listen.

"you wouldn't be alone ___, I'd hang out with you. I mean trust me I'm cooler than all those bitches combined!" he laughs knowing he made you smile.

"then I guess I won't be hanging around them anymore. I got you now." you both smile walking the rest of the way to his house, talking about your past and goofing off.

#ahs #evan peters #american horror story #ahs fandom #tate langdon #ahs tate langdon #tate langdon x y/n #tate langdon x you #tate langdon x reader #tate langdon fanfic #tate ahs #tate langdon slaying it ONCE AGAIN #i am cringe but i am free #angst #tate langdon being a sexy smexy baddie rjdjdjdjd #i might have a problem #tate langdon is flowing thru my veins #PLEASE GIVE ME REQUESTS OR SUGGESTIONS FOR HEADCANNONS AND FANFIC plz

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starrywooyo · 1 year

Text

treasure: three

synopsis: when y/n gets whooshed into an alternate universe, an adventure: one with pirates and monsters and much, much more

pairing: ot8! pirate ateez x fem! reader (wooyoung focus)

genre: pirate au!!

!!warnings(per chapter)!! - [bellow cut!] killing, wounds, blood ect..

notes: this chapter kinda has a wooyoung focus towards the end! hongjoong's character is still quite rude towards the mc.

word count: 4.7k

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"y/n. it's okay, really! its only for a few days. we do have a spare cabin, but it's filled with some of yeosang's extra books and maps so he'll clear it out and then you can sleep there for the time being. so really. it's okay just sleep here." wooyoung says, pushing you in the room and then he says goodnight closing the door behind him.

pushing down on the door handle you realise he's locked the door as well. in other words, he's not really giving you a choice. is he?

slipping under the covers you let your tiredness and thoughts consume you.

maybe. just maybe it won't be as bad here...

Your eyes flutter open to the room being dark, you reach to the bedside table for your phone but... there's nothing there? sitting up you rub the sleep from your eyes and look around the dimly lit room and the unfamiliar interior.

ah that's right. you're not in your world anymore... you're in a world of pirates, probable danger too. on a ship where the captain despises you.

you sigh and slide your legs from under the covers. your feet touching the cool of the wooden floorboards sends a shock through your body. you're most definitely awake now.

it's then you realise you slept in your new clothes, or you should say the clothes wooyoung lent you. it's not like they're dirty but still you can't just rummage through the man's closet for clean clothes everyday just like you do in your world. no. pirates probably don't even change their clothes that often anyway. so, you'll just stay in the same clothes. out of the corner of your eye you spy something. there on the chair in the corner of his room. you walk towards the item. It's a pair of… boots? beside the boots is a piece of crumpled paper. you unfold it and read it:

" It just so happens that these boots are too small for anyone here on the ship, no one's worn them..

if your feet are better or feeling less sore. you should wear them. I know the floorboards get quite cold on the ship and they're pretty dirty.

you should wear these even if your cuts hurt. it'll prevent them gettin infected or something. and if you're reading this then it means

you're awake. you should join us on deck and like the captain said: ^if you wanna stay you gotta pull your weight^

i also hope you at least slept well~ "

so, the boots are for you. sitting back on the bed you unlace the brown boots and slip them over your feet. it stings a little. but you know the pain will fade after a while, you lace the boots up loosely and after making the bed you make your way up to the main deck. there you find Seonghwa.

“Ah y/n! there you are, I hope you slept well?” He asked to which you nodded your head letting out a small yes.

“Now let me see... given the state of your feet and wounds and the fact they haven't healed and to top it off most of the crew are against women being on board... I suppose your job for today can be to help Yeosang clear out that spare cabin with all his extra things in there and then you can help make dinner later, nothing too much for now. Does that sound okay?” He again asked

“Yes, that's fine. where...?” You began

seonghwa smiled, “you can find yeosang through those doors and then it's the last door on the left side,” he said pointing to the door behind you.

you thank him and make your way through them and walk to the end door stopping before it, you knock and hear a voice call "come in"

opening the door, you find yeosang but he's not alone. The captain was here too...

the captain turned, his eyes seemingly scanning your figure and lingering slightly at the boots on your feet then back to your face before turning back to yeosang.

“We can finish this later yeosang” he says and makes his way around you and out the door not before letting out a 'tsk' as he passes by you.

what was that about now...

“sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation” you told yeosang to which he shakes his head.

“No, no. it's fine, we were basically finished anyway. now, let's get moving that stuff.” he said, clapping his hands together.

...

so, you followed yeosang back through the doors and onto the main deck and back down the steps to the cabin rooms and he stopped at one just a little passed what you know to be wooyoung's room.

“This is the room here that'll be yours for now so just remember that it's the one at the end of this hall to the right.” he said, opening the door.

you nod to him and finally looking into the room your eyes widen.

this room was an absolute mess. it was a state! like an earthquake happened. you look to yeosang and he rubs the back of his neck.

“Seems we've got our work cut out for us?” he laughs nervously as he enters the room with you following close behind.

There were scrolls and maps everywhere. one even pinned to the desk with a dagger stuck in it and weighted down with other trinkets, you couldn't even see the bed from everything that was piled up on top of it. and there were numerous stacks of books, and dust. a lot. a lot of dust.

you both decided to start by taking all the scrolls to yeosang's study first being they were only paper and the lightest. you went to the map on the desk to roll it up only to let out a small laugh at all the drawing of beasts on the map from your "real-world perceptions'' that they were only put to scare sailors to which yeosang explained to you that the drawing on the maps is of very, very much real sea beasts. which you weren't going to lie did scare you a bit.

a few hours most definitely went by of carrying scrolls from one room to another till there was only a small number of books left. letting inpatients get the better of you, you picked up a larger stack of books wanting to finish the strenuous task quicker. and by larger stack meaning you couldn't see over it. yeosang told you to take a couple off as he came back into the room for another stack stating it was dangerous, but his warning went through one ear and out the other.

you ever so slowly made your way up the steps to the main deck and trying to look around you saw that seonghwa was no longer at the wheel, but the captain was. and he definitely had his eyes on you as soon as he saw you. with his burning gaze on you. you felt nervous and to top it off being unable to see over the books you failed to notice that the deck was wet, so down you went. books spilling everywhere. and oh boy did it hurt. Soon Wooyoung was by your side asking if you were okay and if you were hurt badly from the fall to which you said you were fine and that it was just a shock. and you start to pick up the books with wooyoung helping you. though thinking about the fall. you could've sworn you saw the captain's body slightly jerk as you fell...

Was he going to help you? pffft no. of course not y/n don't be silly he hates you. and just to prove that thought, there he was leaning over the railing from where the wheel was, shaking his head at you with a smug smirk on his face.

“Well. just proves my point woman don't belong on ships” he says

you ignore his words and continue to pick up the books with wooyoung. then you remember something.

“Oh... wooyoung? thank you by the way for helping me pick these up. and for the boots” you say to him.

he hums his brows slightly furrowing

“What?”

“The boots? thank you for letting me use them” you say smiling.

“The boots... oh yeah! the boots, it's really no problem. I couldn't just let you walk around here bare footed and get sick” he said whilst you were still picking up the books. what you failed to notice while doing so was his confused eyes drifting elsewhere before he answered you.

with all the books picked up, you with a small pile and wooyoung with a small pile and yeosang soon joining you and giving you a lecture about how he told you that would happen. you had now officially cleared out and cleaned the spare room.

now though it was time to help seonghwa and jongho make some dinner. walking into the kitchen they were already both there. you were making a type of meat stew, and you were given the job of cutting the vegetables to go in the stew .

no one spoke a word as you all did your jobs to make the stew, today was clearly not your day as you cut your finger whilst cutting the veggies by getting startled by a cat. The cut wasn't deep so you had no need to go to san.

...

dishing out the now cooked stew into bowls, the three of you took them to the table where everyone was sitting and placed a bowl In Front of them and then took your own seat, which again was beside wooyoung. nothing seems to slip by him so he noticed the cut on your finger straight away asking what happened and that then caught Sans attention and he asked if he needed to take a look at it to which you declined just trying to eat your stew but wooyoung's pestering about how it happened seemed to even bug jongho so he blurted out how you got the cut. though the story of how you cut yourself being startled by a cat was found to be funny by someone. and that someone was the captain. Who did end up joining you all for dinner this time?

he laughed out loud sitting at the top of the table

“Ah, oh wow, that's amazing, getting scared of the cat. nice one” he said his laughter coming to a stop and a smile being left on his face. and you stared at it, he was showing emotions other than anger and glares in your presence, once he noticed your stare however the smile was gone as soon as it appeared. he cleared his throat, picking up his now empty bowl

“ahem excuse me- I'll take my bowl to the kitchen. goodnight” and then he was gone.

and it was then quiet as everyone finished the last few drops of their stew.

you sat still staring at where the captain had just previously sat, your cheeks slightly heating up.

his laugh... his smile... It was so... pretty.

maybe.. just maybe. This was a start, at least for now.

After everyone had finished eating their stew and this time you finally managed to convince seonghwa to let you do the dishes this round after not being able to last time., whilst scrubbing the remanence of the stew from the bowls, you couldn't help but remember back to the captain and how he laughed and his smile, though he was laughing at you and at your pain from being cut, he really did have a pretty smile.

with all the bowls now scrubbed. you dried them and stacked them where you got them when you dished out the stew. then made your way from the kitchen to your new room where you drifted to sleep again.

...

you'd now been on the illusion for about a week now, you could definitely say you'd grown closer to some of the crewmembers, though some not so much. The captain still hates your guts. it seems like every little flaw and mistake you do he makes little snarky comments about and always pulls the "that's why women don't belong on ships" idea, wooyoung on the other hand can tell his comments get to you and tries to make you feel better by saying it just takes him time to open up to people, you don't know what to believe though.

yeosang's been trying. key word here. trying to teach you how to read maps but it seems to not be going well so you just spend time with him in his study sometimes after you've done your work and read some of his books not that if you were to be able to read the maps you'd be much help. you're not even a crew member plus the captain hates you, so there's no point for you to, he'd never sit in your company and talk to you as you map out the journey he plans.

...

here you were though sitting in your room reading a book you've stolen from Yeosang, he said that it wouldn't be too long before you'd reach land, and you'd get there at some point today. the thought made you sad that meant you were off the ship and they'd leave. it made you think that you really have no clue where to start about getting back home to your family. your younger siblings and older brother...

you're pulled from your thoughts by the ship suddenly jerking along with a loud noise. you're slightly flung into the table you were sitting at. finding your balance again you walk to the door of your room and open it to see wooyoung coming out of his room in a rush. you call his name, and he turns to you, his eyes slightly widening.

“y/n!! get back in your room and stay in there!!” he tells you as he ushers you back into the room. “Stay in here, and don't come out. it's not safe. lock the door and don't open it for anyone” he tells you as he makes his way back out the room.

“Wait! what do you mean not safe” you call to him again

he sighs out in frustration “please just do as I say” and with that he shut the door behind him and was running to who knows where.

the ship jerked again and this time you fell to the floor, you decided to be nosy and peak out your window. sticking your head out you see there's another ship and it's firing its cannons at this ship whilst some of the opposing crew swing across onto this ship. wooyoung was right you are most definitely not safe. you didn't even have anything to protect yourself should someone come through the door. so, you snuck out and made your way down the steps of the ship, down to where wooyoung took you to mingi to get your chains off on your first day. and you took a cutlass. you did fencing back home, how different could it be should you need to use the sword.

thinking about it, you decided to be nosey and have a look on the top deck at what was going on. big mistake as soon as you got to the stairs leading to the main deck. a person was walking down them, and they were clearly not from this crew he noticed you right away. he pulled his gun on you

oh...

you hadn't thought about guns but alas they were pirates after all, you closed your eyes and awaited the pain.

BANG!

you felt something hot spurt on your face, it wasn't you who got shot no, it was the guy who dropped down dead. you looked to the top of the stairs to who dealt the shot and there was the captain standing at the top gun pointed in your direction, smoke slightly coming from the muzzle.

“Get back to your room” he said in his usual cold voice and then he disappeared from the top of the stairs to what you assume, continue fighting. you however go against his order and go onto the main deck.

Everyone is fighting, some lay on the floor of the deck still, no longer moving.

looking, you see the captain at the starboard side fighting a guy with his cutlass and then he pierces the guy with his sword, removing his sword he shakes it to get the blood off and his gaze again falls on you. He looks pissed. He stalks toward you and grabs your arm tight.

“The hell did I tell you!? get back down there and stay in your room, you're gonna get yourself killed!” he yells at you, his grip tightening as he goes to drag you back down the stairs.

no. you've had enough of his attitude, captain or not. you yank your arm from his grip moving back quite a bit and yell straight back.

“No! I wanna help! and that's what I'll do!” you tell him gripping your cutlass tighter.

he looks at you with his eye, the other covered with his eyepatch like you're a crazy person and maybe you were. who knows

“Not happening.” he says again pointing his cutlass at you “you are going back down those stairs, and you will stay down there. hell, you don't know how to fight.” he says

you internally laugh. shows what he knows. you see his eyes slightly widen and you turn around only to block another sword with your cutlass. you hear the captain let out a curse as he again is occupied with his own opponent.

you have a back and forth of blocking the swings from the pirate in front of you as he too mocks you for being a girl.

“Wooyoung, Jongho!” you hear the captain shout

“we're a bit busy at the moment” they both shout back.

“I know that, when you get a minute just get her the heck away from here. she's gonna get herself killed” he yells back.

from what you can hear, you heard wooyoung slightly laugh.

“I think she can take care of herself captain!” he yells back

the captain looks at you after getting rid of his own opponent. and slightly laughs 'well I'll be damned; the girl can fight' he says to himself.

finally coming to your senses, you realise the pirate you were fighting was no longer In Front of you. oh. oh. you just killed someone.

you look about again and see someone about to strike their sword at the captain who was again occupied with someone, he's popular with these other pirates. and without even thinking you thrust your sword in the man's side and pull the bloody cutlass out as the man falls to the ground. the captain turns to see what happened and sees you and then the man lying on the floor.

you just killed two people... your thoughts were going wild, and your hands started to shake. you drop your cutlass and back up to the wall your breathing getting shorter, vision getting blurry except for the man Infront of you.

he kneels In Front of you placing his bloody hands on your face.

“Hey, hey. It's okay just breathe. breathe with me, okay?”' a man says trying to get your breathing regulated all whilst keeping his eye on the enemies. He ends up pulling his gun from its holster. BANG!

your hands fly to your ears and your eyes squeeze tight shut. you're pulled into a chest “you're okay. it's okay” softly whispered in your ear.

“Seonghwa!! come take her away to her room” the captain yelled. and you're soon being softly pulled to your feet and your head placed into a chest again.

“it's okay y/n, I got you. let's get you to your room, hmm?” it was seonghwa and you nodded your head against his chest.

...

you now back in the safety of your room, seonghwa long gone to help fight again. you sit on the bed, staring at the wall and let your thoughts again consume you.

you killed two people, took their lives. innocent or not. What if they had a family? Why did these people have a grudge towards the illusion crew? What if I stupidly died trying to fight these people? what if the captain didn't shoot that person-

you don't know how long you thought these thoughts floated about in your mind, but you are pulled from those thoughts from a soft knock on the door.

wooyoung...

he comes in your room and slowly knees in front of you, he looks sad. his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he looks at you and lips slightly pouted. he places his hands in your hands and looks up at your face.

“you okay?..” he asks softly

no. I'm not okay...

you slightly nod your head at his question, avoiding looking in his eyes.

he asks again. not believing your answer.

“Are you okay?”

this time you don't answer but your lips slightly quiver, and your eyes fill with tears that soon pour out. you shake your head no to his question this time.

“n-no, i'm not o-okay” you try to say. he's quick to react and suddenly he's sitting beside you on your bed. he brings your head to his chest and gently strokes the back of your head or rubs your back as he lets you cry out your tears, softly shushing you and whispering that "its okay" and to just let it out.

“shh shh, it's okay. you're okay. I got you y/n. just let all your tears out” he says gently rocking you both side to side

you unconsciously tighten your arms that are wrapped around him, trying to seek as much comfort from him as you can.

you don't know how long you were both like this for but eventually your tears stopped and you we're just sniffling from crying.

Wooyoung slightly pulls away from you and wipes the remainder of your tears from your bloody face with his thumbs. He sadly yet softly smiles at you.

“feel a bit better now?” he asks softly. you nod dabbing the wetness from your nose.

“you wanna talk about it?” he asked quietly

you again shake your head looking to the floor.

“n-no..” you let out quietly.

“c-can I clean your wound?” he asks.

it's your turn for your eyebrows to furrow. you look at him confused.

He gently grabs your arm and shows you the gash on your upper arm. you hadn't even realised you got injured....

“I noticed your arm bleeding when I saw Seonghwa bringing you back here... I asked San how to do it. so, can I?” he asked, still in a soft voice.

you look at him.

“'I don't know... wouldn't it be better for San to look at it..” you told him, still a bit quiet. you knew the cut didn't need stitches due to having got them before back home, but you still thought it would be better for a doctor to look.

wooyoung pouts at your answer he looks like a child to you, it reminds you of your younger siblings sometimes even your older brother...

“Come on! I even asked him how, I'm not gonna mess it up!” he whines to you.

you weren't gonna lie he was kinda cute, so you ended up giving in much to his satisfaction, he walked over to the table where he'd placed the items san gave him on his way in and sat back beside you on the bed. It was then he started to nervously laugh.

“I uh ahaha you're gonna need to take this side of your... shirt off..” he explained.

“I won't look, don't worry! i'll turn around” he told you getting up from his sitting position, his back now facing you as he stands in the corner of the room.

you sit still for a few moments and then with shaky hands start to unbutton the shirt you had on. your arm slightly stung as you removed it from the sleeve of the shirt off the other arm. you decided to put the shirt on backwards so you were able to cover your chest with your shirt and still have your left arm free so wooyoung could clean and bind it.

“o-okay you can come over now..” you told him and awkwardly he did. sitting back beside you you saw him slightly bite his lower lip as he took the damp cloth to clean the blood away from the cut.

his eyes looked so focused; you couldn't help but notice some of his features. the way his blonde hair falls slightly over his eyes and despite being a pirate how soft it looks, to the shape of his face, the way a light blush flushes his cheeks and even noticing the little mole that adorns his face under his left eye. you sharply breathe in as his eyes meet yours. his tongue slightly popping out to wet his dry lips.

“i'm gonna put this on now, it's probably gonna sting... a lot” he said as he pours the antiseptic on the cloth then dabbing it on your gash

he was right, it hurt like a bitch. you hiss from the pain, and you see from his eyes that he feels sorry for giving you pain.

he continues to dab the antiseptic soaked cloth into your wound. you see his hands slightly shaking. He then picks up the roll of white bandages and proceeds to wrap it around your now clean cut and then ties a knot in it, a bit too tight making you hiss slightly.

“sorry.. I didn't mean to hurt you…” he says softly

"It's okay” you say just as softly back.

and he stands from his seat to put the medicine back on the table along with the blood-soaked cloths. you don't know how you missed it when you've been looking at him the whole time he's been in here, but you notice that he's got bandages too... only his are more blood soaked than your fresh one.

you grab his arm.

“You were hurt too?” you asked.

he smiles at you and slightly pats your head, sitting back beside you.

“aye. I'm okay though, i just needed some stitches that's it” he says

your eyes slightly widen.

He was injured so badly he needed some stitches!!?

he laughs at your expression.

“San took good care of me so don't worry, okay? I don't need you to worry about me. just leave me to be the one worrying about you alright?” he tells you.

you bite your lip and look at him.

“Did it hurt?” you ask

he laughs and looks up then back at you.

“really? I shoulda been the one asking you that. but no...it didn't hurt, I'm used to injuries like this'' he explained.

you both sit in a bit of silence for a moment

“y/n I-” wooyoung began though he didn't get to finish his sentence by the door being knocked and opened, and there stood the fiery red head that hates your guts.

the captain.

he just stood. looking at you both.

wooyoung sighs and you notice he pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, and he stands.

“I'll go now” he says coldly, and he takes the medicine and cloths away and out the door leaving you with the captain.

What just happened...?

it's quiet and you don't bother to look at the captain.

“I've got a few things to say” the captain begins. he doesn't wait for your answer and walks further into your room, pulling up the chair to sit Infront of you.

you still don't look up at him, your eyes now looking at his boots.

he clasps his hands together and leans forward in his seat.

“Can you look at me when I speak to you?” he states coldly.

not wanting to piss him off further, you raise your gaze to meet his eye.

he slightly looks around your room and then back at you, nodding

“so, you can fight. you know how to use a sword. So I'll cut to the chase. I was talking to my crew and given your situation with your family, and the fact I lost some of my crew today, I'm still against the idea of having a woman on board but my crew seems to like you. so, I'd like you to join us. and Second, I wanna thank you for saving my life. I could've been heavily injured or dead if it wasn't for you. don't get me wrong though, just cause I'm thanking you and asking ye to join my crew doesn't mean i like you nor trust you.” he stands making his way to the door, opening it and just before he leaves, he turns to you again.

“you've got till we dock to give me your answer, what'll you do? join the illusion or you can get off my ship the next time we dock” he says still cold before leaving out the door to let you ponder your decision.

what will you do...?

#ateez x reader #ateez fanfiction #ateez #ateez pirate au #ateez ot8 x reader #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #san x reader #mingi x reader #wooyoung x reader #jongho x reader #fanfiction #starrywooyo #starrywooyo fics #starrywooyo treasure series

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dokidokitsuna · 3 months

Text

...I just remembered I wanted to make my own statement on the AI thing. ^^;

So you've probably heard, but in case you haven't: Tumblr just sold out everyone's data to the AI trash compactors, they probably did it long before they gave us the option to opt out, and even if you do opt out they're probably still taking and using your work anyway (telling people to opt out instead of actually asking for their permission is already scummy business practice, but when it comes to AI it's functionally meaningless. :/ It's always "well, we're telling them not to use these people's data and we're hoping they'll be nice and go along with it" with no regulations or consequences if they decide to just steal everything indiscriminately...)

Despite that, I am not leaving Tumblr anytime soon. I'm looking into other sites*, but at this moment in time, I have nowhere else to go. ^^; Besides, I still like it here. When I left DeviantArt I was already getting sick of the place, having my art stolen regularly by "fans" and paradoxically getting less and less interest in my work over time. By the time the devs turned the website into eye-blinding slop with Eclipse, I was more than ready to move on.

But I still enjoy using Tumblr. I like writing long text posts that no one would bother to read anywhere else, I like answering asks, and I like the unique sense of humor and style among the users here. ^^ It would take a lot to force me out.

Also, I can take a little solace in the fact that AI-bros do not value "low-quality" art like mine. ^^; If messy cel-shaded sketches with visible pixels ever become popular, then I'll worry, but for now I think it's highly unlikely that anyone will want to wholesale regurgitate my art. If anything, I think prioritizing it in their datasets would only make them worse...and on that note, if you do have "high quality" detailed/painterly/semi-realistic art that would be targeted, I'd recommend 'poisoning' it with Nightshade/Glaze. Although I heard a rumor a while back that AI is "building immunity" to Nightshade and already learning to work around it, but I'm really hoping that was just a wishful lie from the trash compactors themselves. I haven't heard it repeated since then, so I think it's still worth a shot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So anyway, like the post I reblogged said, I think the best thing we can do now is to make it clear that WE DON'T WANT AI ART. We don't care how easy it'll be to instantly generate thousands of hours of mindless 'content' to look at; we don't want it. Since regulation is lagging so far behind (wanna know why Disney's copyright hounds didn't shut this down on sight? Most likely, they're hoping to profit from it down the line) the only way to fight this right now is with individual litigation and consumer demand.

Don't support projects made with AI**; don't hate-watch them or spotlight them. Focus your energy on the millions of human artists who are still here, and need your support now more than ever.

*I've heard people mention moving to Twitter and/or Artstation: fam, you're jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. ^^;;; IIRC, Arstation was one of the FIRST art sites to start flirting with AI, and Twitter has been selling off its users' data for several months already. Go there if you must, but don't go under the impression that it's "safer".

**Please keep a cool head when discussing AI art, and keep in mind that it used to mean something other than "mass theft". Artists have and still do create AI tools that are built on limited data sets with permission/compensation, that are used to aid them in their work and encourage human artistry (Vocaloids and DAW's, for instance) rather than stamp it out. Until a specific word evolves into popular use for exploitative AI, we're kinda stuck with this confusion, so remember to get the facts before you speak out.

P.S. Praying every night that this is a dumb fad that will soon die and go to the same hell as NFTs. >_< Praying every morning that the influx of AI art into its own datasets will eventually corrupt itself and make it useless. >_< >_< Praying every afternoon for both at once! >_< >_< >_< Like to charge, reblog to cast, all that

#musings

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littlehypnone · 5 months

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Is it rude to ask why you hc rain as she/her?

oh no, its absolutely okay!!! it's a good question actually, I don't know if I'm even able to explain how I feel about it. I'm gonna do my best and to make it easier, for big rain I'll be using just rain (he/him) and for regressed rain it'll be rainy (she/her), if that makes sense hahahahsh

okay so I think rain in general is the most mischaracterized ghoul (besides the girls, I feel like they're a different story entirely). his stage presence changed a lot since we first saw him and it's very hard, at least for me, to pin a specific personality traits to him. I did have a similar issue with dew when I first started writing and tho I got him now, rain is still tough. he's not shy, but he's not "loud" (of course I don't mean literally), he's not rough or angry, but he's not really calm either. now he likes attention, begs for it sometimes, but back then he was hiding in the back of the stage and twisting his leg anxiously. I think this is easily explained by the unmasked ghoul getting more stage confidence but I always look at the ghouls as having their own lives and stories that may influence their stage presence

the thing with that is I see so many different characteristics in rain I can't decide on any specific way to write him. if you'd go through my fics you'd find a million different versions of rain

with she/her rainy, though, I think I gotta explain why I think rain regresses in the first place. in my head it's because of her disabilities, pain and anxiety. sometimes the regressed space can be nice and allow her to relax and forget about big world problems, but sometimes it makes all the feelings she's having bigger, as if the regression takes some kind of a filter off, yk? and I see taking off that filter also as something that makes rainy let go of some things and be that cute little princess "version" of her. yes, rain does get called a princess both big and small, but rainy is a princess and she knows it shgsgss

it's kinda like boys being young and having dreams like "I wanna be a firefighter when I grow up!" and she just wanting to be a princess but alas - boy (it'd still be okay ofc, we know my thoughts on gender roles and stuff but yk what i mean). she's not trans for me, but she needs to be able to let herself be that princess yk? it's easier and most natural when she's regressed and that's it

this also ties to my own feeling about gender stuff and everything, but that's not important. I hope this ramble makes at least a bit of sense, ugh. to try to summarize, maybe, let's say that I see rain as a princess but due to a lot of different and sometimes even opposing characteristics I see in him he can't be that princess all the time, and being regressed is kinda a solution to this

#hypno answers #little ghouls #age regression #little rain #rain ghoul

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pocketramblr · 1 year

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If the five ask game is still open: au where Aizawa is a quirkless hero?

An interesting ask...

1- So AfO really wants Erasure after seeing some second-year student at UA use it during the SF. And he and ujiko are kinda smart and so target the kid directly instead of just releasing a big monster kinda near where the kid will be and hoping he'll get hospitalized on his own and taken to Ujiko. So that means one day on his way to school, Aizawa looks down at a kitten in a box and is like 'wow i wish i could help this kitten but alas, i'm sixteen, depressed, have super low confidence due to being told i have a weak quirk for years, and am not All Might.'

And then AfO walks out of the alleyway and grabs him by the arm, hoping to quickly steal his quirk but Aizawa activates Erasure on instinct and tries to get away.

2- Shirakumo happens to take the same route to school, and walks up to see his friend getting manhandled and jumps in without thinking. The good news is that AfO runs off and does not take Aizawa to throw into nomu soup, and the cat is fine, the bad news is Aizawa blinked and Erasure got stolen before AfO left.

3- Aizawa is thouroughly shaken now to not have his quirk and is panicking. This is a crazy thing that shouldn't happen to a random kid like him. This is the kind of villain that All Might fights. Shirakumo picks up the kitten and umbrella and is like "So we get All Might then?"

Aizawa thinks he's joking, but he's not. They get on a train and head away from UA, towards Might Tower instead. On the way, Aizawa is catastrophizing, Shirakumo is trying to distract him, asking things like "so do you think that other guy is suffering dry eye right now" (Aizawa realizes he probably is, since his feel weirdly fine.) and "when All Might fights this guy and makes him give you your quirk back, what are you going to ask him to autograph? because i think this kitten deserves an autographed footsie." (Aizawa goes back to catastrophizing because what happens if All Might's quirk gets erased, actually, and even if he can beat this guy that's no promise he's going to get erasure back, and now that its gone he really misses his quirk!)

Shirakumo stops him and tells him very seriously that his quirk didn't make him want to help the kitten, or apply to UA, or train with his capture weapon, which means that even without erasure, he's sure Aizawa can be a hero if he wants to be.

4- So they get to Might Tower and the UA uniforms and Shirakumo loudly announcing that someone's quirk got stolen does actually get All Might's attention, because he's always looking for leads against AfO. Aizawa and Shirakumo tell him everything, including Aizawa telling him about Erasure's weaknesses and how to force him to blink. All Might thanks them, phones UA to let them know whats up, texts Torino, and tells Shirakumo and Aizawa to stay at Might Tower until he gets back from beating AfO's face in. (He also takes a Secret Gift from his american buddy David with him. huh. anyway.)

He gets back several hours later, with a broken arm and tons of bruises which kinda freaks the teens out since All Might Isn't Supposed To Get Injured but he's fine, and thanks them. He apologizes to Aizawa as AfO is now dead and can't return Erasure. Aizawa says not to worry about him as stopping such a powerful villain was more important. Shirakumo tells him to stop saying he's not important, and announces it'll be okay, because Aizawa's going to be awesome as the world's first quirkless hero, working at the agency with Loud Cloud, Present Mic, and Midnight. All Might says he looks forward to seeing their careers, but wonders if he should offer Aizawa a replacement quirk. [One day he'll ask and be told 'hell no']

All Might also gently refuses to autograph the cat Shirakumo holds up, but that's ok because they name him "Autograph" instead

5- Aizawa does indeed become the first quirkless hero, and is in an agency with his three friends after graduation- though Midnight leaves to form her own later on. They still work together sometimes. Loud Cloud, Present Mic, and Eraserhead (he was too lazy to change it) do have an agency rule tho- no one ever goes out on single patrols or missions, its either a duo while the other holds down the agency, or all of them together. Can't have any more kidnapping attempts! Aizawa grumbles about how tiring they are but is fine with it- it's actually a good strategy. Usually Shirakumo or Mic make for a distraction while Aizawa sneaks up from behind and uses his capture weapon, but sometimes he'll use a cloud to drop from, or help Mic manuver around quicker. They work well together, and are very happy at their agency.

Then one day, a ten-year-old with green hair walks in, and nervously asks if someone can become a hero without a quirk- he heard rumors that Eraserhead was a quirkless hero, but no one seems to know since he stays out of the spotlight compared to his teammates, and some people say he does have a quirk since he got into UA, just doesn't use it. Mic assures him that they can, because Eraserhead is indeed quirkless, he just has a lot of training and works with the agency so everyone's weaknesses- like Mic's hearing loss or Loud Cloud's impulsiveness- is covered by the others. Izuku, on hearing this answer, bursts into tears just as Cloud and Eraser return from patrol. Cloud asks why Mic made some poor kid cry while Eraser goes to find Autograph and plop him in the kid's arms to cuddle.

Izuku defends Mic and says it isn't his fault- he just got upset because he doesn't have any friends who would work with him to be a hero, because none of them think Izuku can be one without a quirk, none of them believe Izuku about Eraserhead.

Yamada, Aizawa, and Shirakumo, three young men who were once three teenagers that decided to sneak a cat into school and adopt it despite not being really prepared to take care of it, look at each other and all know something similar is about to happen.

#i dont think i'd normally write 'eraser trains izuku to be a quirkless hero' aus #but this one. when he's also got to be a quirkless hero #this one i could see #esp because it'd be @ll m!ght b@ash!ng free of course of course #anon #pocket talks to people #ask game

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morgana-artt · 7 months

Text

Romeo x Mechanic!Male!Reader (Part 1)

Spoilers for LoP

Notes: So I kinda went a bit off the rails on this one and wrote a lot more than I wanted to (especially in part 2 that I'll post tomorrow), my brain kinda went blank but I think (and hope) its still decent enough of a read. I suppose its a bit of a slow burn at first but I hope you Enjoy!

Reader is similar to Sophia and can channel ergo like she can.

_________________________________________

You ran and you ran FAST. What were you running from? Oh, just a group full of puppets that decided to make you their target and that wasn't fair, you were just some guy who enjoyed tinkering in mechanics! You could ramble on that for a while but you needed to get to safety, you were at the hotel but didn't stay for long as you were on your way to what was called Alchemist's Isle for answers to your past and had to go through the Opera House in order to do so.

You panted as you zig zagged bewteen swipes from puppets to alleyways before finally reaching your first destination, you leaned against the statue in the garden out of breath. "This... sucks! All because I need to find- ugh...hopefully it'll be better inside" you spoke to yourself as you stood up straight and made your way into the big building. Opening the large doors you saw how huge this place actually was and despite it seeing better days it still looked beautiful, you looked around not hearing anything before making your way up the stairs and saw a door way further into the building, "This looks like it goes through the main part...'suppose I'll go through there..." you mumbled to yourself before going through the doors.

You gulped as you saw a swinging chandelier, "Are you fucking kidding me? One hit and I'm screwed..." you cursed to yourself as you watched the giant fire basket swing side to side, you took a deep breath before getting ready and once it swung to the left you bolted just in time but as you did the one wooden pole that helped you cross snapped in half and broke into the hole. You stared at it, "Well...no going back." you said as you turned to the double doors in front of you plated with gold. You walked towards it pushed the heavy doors and you were met with...a sad disaster.

What would've been a beautiful ballroom of somesort was instead a burnt down ruined stage, you frowned at this something clearly went on long ago judging by how rotten the wooden had gotten but what you also noticed was a body propped up against a giant rundown puppet- or you hoped it was runned down. It had been a year or so when the puppet frenzied calmed down but that didn't stop the few puppets around Krat from attempting to hurt anything that passed them just like yourself.

With very careful steps, at first you throught you were approaching a dead human but no...it was a puppet. It looked badly burnt with half it's face broken off, it had blonde hair and despite the state it was in you could tell it- or he you should say- was quite a handsome puppet. Almost prince like. You shook your head, now was not the time to admire the puppet, you saw his head down and eye closed and crouched to his level. "You look like you went through hell..." you mumbled to yourself, now despite knowing how dangerous these things can be you couldn't help but feel sorry for them as you did stumble upon a few puppets that were friendly and even helped repair a few. This one really interested you but it was a gamble- was this puppet friendly or mad crazed like so many others? You decided to take the risk.

You walked around the puppet and analyzed it, didn't seem TOO bad...yeah he was burnt to shit but none of his internal scraps had been broken. Now you had a power that not many people knew about, you could give ergo to puppets and understand them, you can't remember much but it started to develope later in your teens- it was probably why you felt so intune with puppets you could LITERALLY feel their 'souls' give or take.

Using your handkerchief that was tied around your belt you dusted the soot off the puppet and began to rummaged through your bag, you only had a few tools with you and tighened some lose parts on the puppet next to you. You kneeled in front of him and moved some of his hair away from his face, he really was a handsome fellow but it made you sad at the state of his face maybe you could repair it? If he hasn't killed you yet.

With a deep breath you placed your hand where your heart was, ergo began to twist around your hand before you placed it against the chest of the puppet. You waited. and waited. and waited.

Nothing. You furrowed your eyebrows as usually this would work within seconds, guess the poor thing really was damaged. You began to tinker around him a little longer.

Romeos P.O.V

Something in you had awaken, how? Gepettos puppet had freed you so why did you feel you had awaken from a deep slumber? You heard ruffling and breathing...? You opened your good eye, it was blurry at first but you noticed a moving figure in front of you, talking to itself...a human? Your eyesight cleared up as you were faced into a chest, the person you saw the chest of was bent a little over you looking at your back as you felt a few tugs. You didn't dare to move. What if it was that bastard Gepetto again?Wasn't being brought back to life in a puppet not good enough? He had to be brought back again? No...he can't go through with that...the responsiblitlies...the pain...the desperation. If he could cry he would, he couldn't go back to that. He watched as the person in front of him moved back to look into their bag, Romeo took note of a soft looking man in front of him. It was a human but thankfully not the one he hated but how did you bring him back? He lost his ergo so how could you...were you special? Maybe. He watched you in curiosity as you mumbled to yourself about him not working. The young man in front of you had soft (H/C) and piercing (E/C) eyes, and despite looking like a cat that ran through a hedge head first you were pretty nice looking to him.

The man in front of you turned his gaze to you before jumping following up with a little yelp, "You're...awake? It worked!" you watched the man puff in pride, "Ah...My names (Y/N). Do you have one...?" he asked, you slowly lifted your head a little but it immediately went back down- you had little to no energy in you right now apart from your eye. "I-I-I....R-R-" you tried to speak but it came out so statically and robotic, the guy in front of you smiled softly with encouragement, "You don't have to tell me now, I'm guessing you went through a lot judging by how burnt you are" the man spoke, were you really that damaged? "R-R...Rom..eo" You managed to get out, the person smiled at that. "Well, Romeo. It's nice to meet you, I've only given you enough ergo to start up hence why you're only able to move barely. Of course I can take it out if you no longer wish to live" the man gave you a choice, something you didn't get at first.

You glanced at the one in front of you before trying to lift your arm towards the persons face- you struggled and before your arm fell, the stranger- who himself called (Y/N)- grabbed it in time. He felt soft and warm...you hadn't felt that in a really long time. It was nice.

Your P.O.V

You took a hold of the puppets- now named Romeo- hand into yours, You felt pity and it was clear as day he was conflicted on whether staying alive or not. "How about this- You stay here and I'll gather more ergo which hopefully will give you more strength with it and you can decide later, hm? Of course you can ask me to piss off" you laughed dryly. The puppet stared at you making you feel a little flustered, you weren't used to such things and what made it worse was how Romeo had a hold of your fingers and was staring at them, "Ahem, well...I should be off to get some more ergo, yes? Don't worry, I'll come back" you whispered but felt the tightened grip on your fingers, "N-NO...no...fragile..." Romeo spoke, you frowned. Fragile? Was he scared for you? "Romeo, If you want to even lift your head up I'll have to give you more ergo and I can only give you so much from myself" you tried to reason with the puppet. Romeo was confliced but softly nodded. He let go and you stood up, "as to show my promise I'll leave this with you!" you then gave him a necklace, "it belonged to a dear friend of mine...it means a lot and I'm putting it in your possession till I come back!" You looked down at him. "I'll come back...promise" and with that you walked off to hopefully find enough ergo for your new friend.

As Romeo sat and waited he inspected the necklace, what you had said felt familiar to him- with the dear friend...a promise...it felt sort of like a Déjà Vu for him. He surprised himself with the hope he felt of wanting you to come back, he hoped you did you were...nice. He liked you, you seemed like a good person. Like someone else he knew but has long been forgotten.

#lies of p #lies of p romeo #lies of p x reader #romeo x reader #morganaawrites

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stillness-in-green · 2 months

Text

Coming Soon: Tone Poem for the BNHA Status Quo

Sometime in the next 24 hours, I'm expecting to post a project I spent the last few weeks working on. It's pretty different, format-wise, than my usual stuff--instead of a written meta post, it's a Webtoons-style vertical scrolling comic consisting of rearranged panels of the manga (with some strategic splashes of color) for the purposes of making an argument via juxtaposition. The format is new, I say, but the argument will be a familiar one to my followers.

I make this post this as a warning that, thanks to the way tumblr manages images, I will be having to make several posts back-to-back to fit the whole thing; they'll be titled "Bring It All Back" and tagged "bnha tone poem." Please click through their View Post/Read Mores only if and when you are ready for some serious "Do you like the color of sky" levels of scrolling! I'll be crosslinking the installments to each other, so feel free to just click on whichever one you see first and follow its link to Part One.

That said, I'll be leading with a post containing an AO3 link for it with a short teaser covering the beginning through to where it first jumps the track. If you just want to read the whole thing all in one go (I encourage this most strongly; that's how I intended it to be read!) please just go straight to AO3. It'll also be at its native quality there, compared to the tumblr posts, which, from my draft experiments last night, will be just a little bit fuzzier.

I hope everyone will enjoy it in one form or the other! I first thought the idea up almost a year ago, but recently hit a patch of inspiration for it, by which I mean I obsessively worked on it several hours a day, every day, for two solid weeks. I, uh, kinda blew my arm out making it, in fact. Turns out that going 0 to 60 on using a stylus for a few minutes once or twice a month to hours of daily use has some physical consequences. Go figure! (I'm doing fine now, but that is the reason this project will be posting tomorrow instead of a week ago.)

#bnha #bnha tone poem

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ahc-au · 3 months

Note

Heyyy! Love this au and I've gotta know something.

As far as we've seen Bishop's personal guards are all aliens and mutants and an oddly expressive Kraang. Personally I find it hard to believe that even as the beloved and totally-not-evil president, Bishop would ever trust aliens with his personal safety. Especially since in "The Day of Awakening" we see Bishop's personalised task force and it's 99% humans and one Triceraton (and the turtles ig). And I believe that one triceraton is just there for the sake of "Hey, why is there only one alien?"

In short, why do you think Bishop would trust aliens/mutants enough to make them his bodyguards? Or is there more to it?

Hello!! Fellow Bishop stannie 🫵 Very glad to hear you're enjoying the AU!

I'll say that I do believe the majority of Bishop's force is human, moreso because he operates out of earth and humans are still the overwhelming majority there. Any unnamed guards (or maybe they'll get names too eventually?) can be assumed to be human. The four named guards are, in a meta sense, pre-existing OCs repurposed to fill out the background and make the world feel a bit more lived-in.

It's worth mentioning that Bishop does not feel the same about aliens that he did in his EPF days. That's the major reason EPF is gone, after all! He still won't trust any of them, but that's about on par with how he treats anyone: distant and distrustful, hidden under a veneer of politeness. The way I've always parsed it, Agent Bishop didn't see aliens as people, more demons, and then being rescued threw that entire belief out of wack. So now humans/Terrans and aliens are a bit closer to the same level, for him. He'll prioritize Earth's citizens, but that seems to include some extraterrestrial immigrants, too, nowadays.

So! Having said that, there's a few other elements that go into it. For one, frankly, it just looks good for Bishop to employ aliens from among PGA's allies. It's a show of trust-- not that he entirely does; vets them very thoroughly. For another, non-humans just have really handy abilities. This gives him more versatility in how he can choose to approach a problem, if one ever arises (he is, after all, a military commander at heart.) For example (since I doubt it'll ever come up,) Hambone has an elasticity that means she can absorb blunt force and fit through small spaces. Lyssis (who has not made an appearance yet I'm p sure, woops,) can absorb fire and elecricity. Stuff like that, yknow?

Anyway that's about the jist of it, I hope that's a satisfactory conclusion! Some of these characters also have more involved reasons for getting recruited, but since that gets into OC lore I'll leave it below the cut 👍

--Adelram

I think it should be fine to divulge a little lore since, again, background characters, probably won't come up too centrally. Hambone and Lyssis were mutated incidentally in an attack on PGA HQ back in 2080. Bishop publicly took it upon himself to rehabilitate the mutants involved, (who had been driven mad and violent by the strange mutagen,) handing them off to his personal scientists. He kept closely involved, hoping to find a lead to the source of the attack, and for this reason both mutants partly credit him for their recoveries and even being able to meet each other. They're loyal for this reason, and he knows it. They are also undoubtedly citizens of Earth.

Ritter is a bit more of a wacky story, one that won't really effect the plot. But their being an Utrom is not publicly known, as it happens. It's not a secret, per se, but they pass so well that most people assume they're human. They've been around since EPF, having served under Agent Bishop among its ranks. Bishop is aware they're an Utrom, and unfortunately they've proved very loyal and very useful, so he supposes he has to keep them around. It is pretty nice having a guard who doesn't need to sleep and only eats like once a month. This is also kinda the only life Ritter has ever really known, being under Bishop's command. They'd follow him anywhere, would do anything he asked of them.

#ahc asks #thank you for the questions! always great to see you in the inbox heheh #AGENT Bishop certainly wouldn't have allowed anything like this. He'd be pissed and terrified which then just makes him more pissed #President Bishop though has since learned the art of 'being nice makes people trip over themselves to do you favors'#he is more familiar with alien cultures as people instead of viewing them through the lens of war #he doesn't share his Agent counterpart's loathing hatred for them anymore #(at least. not the ones in PGA. the ones actively gunning for earth? yeah he's gonna kill em when the chance arises 👍)#so in general he's pretty assured in his guards' loyalties. if he ever had reason to doubt they'd be fired immediately at best #extra OC lore fun fact! Ritter has been here so long they were also most of the others' trainer!#They trained in Hambone for sure. And ever since they haven't stopped putting on the teacher voice around her #like 'wow Hambone that was a great shot! you're doing a great job!'#and she's like I've been working here for over a DECADE. STOP

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rimeiii · 3 months

Text

I'm watching the past GDQ Trauma Center speedruns (notably the all XS New Blood run by Thurler and the any% Under the Knife 2 run by TrjnRabbit) and my Trauma Center brain is going BRRR rn, especially as someone whose fave doctor in the entire franchise is CR-S01...

Trauma Center AU where MC is Zayne's patient and they're infected with GUILT/Neo-GUILT/Stigma/the Rosalia virus. They're desperately trying to stay alive but it's looking bleak, as some of these organisms actively harm the host - especially GUILT, which definitely counts as a bioweapon.

Or...or. Hear me out here. We're entering spoiler territory for the original Under the Knife and its remake Second Opinion so I'll put it under the cut, but imagine...

In the original Trauma Center, there are people known as Sinners, who are human hosts barely kept alive to serve as the breeding grounds for more GUILT cultivation. Canon says they're kids-teens, but what if we tweaked that around for More Pain...

What if our MC is one of those Sinners? Just barely lucid to register Zayne's presence as he desperately tries to keep them alive, using his Healing Touch to freeze their vitals as he treats whatever symptoms the GUILT inflicts onto them, until he finds a cure for the GUILT...

For added pain, I think MC should be a host for Pempti (in-universe, this strain took several separate operations to research and develop a nanomachine to aid in killing it, and it fills the lungs/liver with liquid - until it starts getting attacked, where it'll periodically release tiny organisms to inflict lacerations/create tiny tumors/drain your vitals) or Triti (one of the most annoying strains for players because it will multiply nonstop if not extracted properly, and calcification of organs doesn't sound fun either).

With MC being a host for any of those GUILT strains, the organization behind GUILT, Delphi, has MC's life as a bargaining chip. They use MC's life to basically force Zayne to work for them, otherwise the MC and the other Sinners would be killed. Pressed for time and desperate to save his love, along with realizing he's technically enabling Delphi, Zayne soldiers on through to find a cure...desperately hoping that it won't be too late, that MC will survive - even when all signs point that MC won't survive.

On a more lighthearted note, however...

Imagine MC asking if Zayne can speedrun surgery like these speedrunners, he's going to be so fucking horrified and/or offended LMAO. Mostly because the commentary is funny in the context of speedrunning, but aren't things you want your surgeon to say. Some choice quotes in the GDQ speedruns include:

"(vs the Cheir and Kyriaki dual boss in New Blood) Hey buddy can you make more lacerations? (Cheir makes more lacerations) Thanks!"

"(farming chain on Cheir lacerations, and Cheir is almost dead, still on New Blood) Doctor, please end the operation." "NO."

"So we're going to boost vitals..." "Yeah that's kinda necessary after you put the patient through 7 cardiac arrests..."

"(finishing the first operation in all any% speedruns) This is going to be the last time we're disinfecting the wound before applying the bandage. Gotta go fast!"

"Yeah so we're going to let some of these aneurysms burst..." this happens on almost every any% aneurysm operation, they're so bad i still hate the three patients brain aneurysm stage from Under the Knife 2 to this day. oh also, bringing scalpels to excise aneurysms willy nilly on the brain.

"(vs Brachion X stage, New Blood) There is no chain requirement here so you are allowed to let the toxins reach the end..."

"(vitals at 0, which is technically 0.x ingame, so the patient isn't dead yet) Nice vitals..." "The patient is alive, that's what matters!"

"Okay so ignore the glass shards in the heart for now..."

"Don't ask how an entire ribcage got stuck inside their lung."

"So, we're now operating in the back of a moving car!"

"Ironically, the best way to boost chain is to let your patients suffer."

"Welcome to the anime malpractice simulator!"

"The way to stop his crankiness is to poke him with a scalpel until he stops bleeding. (shrugs) It's medicine."

"Two malpractices make a positive, right?" "Yeahh, but we'll end up in the thousands...don't know where that bounces at."

Zayne left completely dumbfounded by the commentary. "Things you don't want to hear your surgeon say", indeed.

#love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #zayne #zayne x mc #zayne x reader #love and deepspace imagine #love and deepspace crossover au #play trauma center y'all #amazing game

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sakumasmut · 1 year

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GOOD EVENING FRIEND I AM BACK. (just this weekend tho) HOW R U? I hope you're no longer sick!! please drink golden milk and boost your immune system (if you wish to do so)

- fem!tsumugi ramble?!?

since its tsumugi day I was thinking about all the fem tsumugi fanart that is out there and how she always has big titties, I think she'd absolute love to have them bitten and licked, I also whole heartedly believed she's someone who unknowingly arches her back during it pushing them in your face further but nobody complaining, I think her inner thighs would be very sensitive so she'd enjoy her thighs being slapped as she sits on her knees like a good girl... I also want to talk about how she would love having fingers in her mouth as you use your strap or cock whichever, in her, its a super pretty sight i have in mind like just her sucking and gently biting on your fingers as you ram into her? I still love her titties can't live without them..

- fem!eichi tsumugi and keito ramble including breeding by the five eccentrics?!?!

also oh my goddddd I can't stop thinking about fem!eichi fem!keito fem!tsumugi and the five eccentrics just taking their stress out on them and breeding them whilst teasing their chests I'm so sorry this is stuck in my head please!!! they have so many reasons to make those 3 into their personal cumdumps especially rei??? rei and keito?? childhood friends??? rei and eichi?? roommates after all she put him through??? rei and tsumugi would probably be softer but he's not afraid to bend her over and force her to, talking about how she's too naive and innocent or whatever

I think wataru would probably stick to just fem eichi especially after finding out her little crush on him?? oh he'd breed her gently for HOURS, where as natsume and shu would use her like no fucking tomorrow, no way she's not coming out pregnant after those two?? especially knowing they'd put her in the most humiliating positions ever, and sooner or later in breeding presses.. oh god..

fem!keito probably doesn't really get used by anyone but rei I'm sure rei will keep her full and pretty, I'm sure just rei will be enough for her to not walk properly for a while, or maybe rei decides to share her with kanata just watching how much more gentle kanata is before slamming his own hips into her now, very sensitive, hole

and fem!tsumugi?? yeah... natsume dragging her to the secret room and making her scream her lungs out, no other way, but hey? five eccentrics they'll live up to their name and make the most of their school year right? everytime they get annoyed about one of their schemes they simply drag one of them to one of the rooms and force their cum in them, I think it's pretty cool i would not mind being any of the three girls!

also I don't know where I'd fit kanata to be honest? I think he's the kinda guy that would keep the girls bent over but he'd be very into keeping their wrists tightly held behind their back or the wrists on top of their head, though I'm not sure exactly who he'd prefer out of the three, I also believe he's more into forcing them to take him down their throat, and maybe he'll cum on their face or chests simply cause it'll be humiliating, especially having to clean themselves or how they can smell him for the rest of the day as they sit in class all prim and proper what not- but that doesn't match my breeding kink so. I dunno!!! maybe he just got a need to slam his hips into the ones who upset him and his friends! plz do give your opinion on kanata THANKS I HOPE UR DOING WELL FREN!!

- 🫧

(what is golden milk,,,) but yes I’m doing better now ty!

okay I’m thinking about this too much as well. something about eccentric group sex is soooo. mmmm. going under the cut

Okay first, big agree with just using Femmugi and playing with her tits. I ADORE the idea of cockwarming her while just. biting her chest, leaving lovebites all over them. she’d definitely arch her back instinctively, all the better for me.

Okay eccentric time. Rei is railing ALL of them. He doesn’t wanna get first dibs unless the others insist because he doesn’t mind getting sloppy seconds at all, might as well let his friends have fun first you know? Plus I think he has a bit of a voyuerism thing. He has such different dynamics with all 3, he treats Eichi like the whore she is and is rough with her, knowing she doesn’t enjoy being handled as fragile. Keito, he’s so teasing with, not too rough but takes his sweet time. Tsumugi honestly like you said he’s pretty sweet with her, he probably gets along with her the most so Rei’s really soft and just enjoys playing with her boobs.

Natsume obviously has a Tsumugi bias, even if he doesn’t hate her anymore he’s still VERY rough and mean with her, so most of the time he’s the one railing her over tables and desks whenever he feels like it. He does still have that Eichi grudge though so that’s where all the rest of his hate sex goes towards. He gets bored of breeding Mugi all the time you know?

Shu pretty much hates all 3 but as much as I’d love for him to fuck all 3 I think he’d concentrate on Eichi since it’s specifically about breeding. He prefers getting stress out in others ways but he can’t resist giving the Tenshouin heir a bastard, something about ruining her life in return.

Wataru’s definitely not in it for the hate he’s in it for the SEX. Of course he can’t keep his hands off Eichi, but the other Eccentrics know Eichi would enjoy that the most so they relegate him to Keito fucker. Rei WOULD fuck Keito a lot too, but consider Wataru a tap out for when Rei is fucking one of the other 2 instead. Eichi gets fucked by all the others so her holes are a bit busy, so Keito’s duty as right hand woman is to be another breeding hole for Wataru.

Kanata..yeah I agree wouldn’t really be into hate sex either. If I had to delegate a position to him it’d be to cockwarm them while they’re bathing so that they’re always comfortable and full. Him just watching them get fucked would be good too though, if they’re lacking the equipment to keep them restrained he can pin their wrists down or lift a leg up for easy access. If you really want him to fuck someone though, probably Keito since she was the one responsible for his execution.

#enstars smut #oh god this is hell to tag #rei sakuma smut #natsume sakasaki smut #shu itsuki smut #wataru hibiki smut #f4mstars #tsumugi aoba smut #kanata shinkai smut #eichi tenshouin smut #keito hasumi smut #natsume x tsumugi smut #rei x eichi smut #rei x keito smut #wataru x keito smut #wataru x eichi smut #thirsts #nsft es!!#🫧

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kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 20 days

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I tend to take scoops with grains of salt... Or scoops of salt.

The DisInsider sometimes successfully clues us in on what's happening, and sometimes they're way off. Remember how they reported that the 2022 D23 would reveal to us a 2D Disney animated movie called BLUEBEARD (based on the fairy tale of the same name) and a Pixar picture called SUMER? That same report also said INSIDE OUT 2 would be revealed... It was.

But yeah...

Anyways, the latest scoop says DUCKS is a thing (even though the Fine Tooning podcast, co-hosted by entertainment writer Drew Taylor and Disney reporter Jim Hill, said that there is no so much movie being made within the walls of Emeryville), in addition to a third FINDING NEMO movie and an INCREDIBLES 3. Well, what I'll say is this... I think both of those are inevitable. Sequels to favorites tend to do well, and they fund the riskier, original stuff. So yeah, don't be surprised if one of those happens. FINDING DORY and INCREDIBLES 2 were both billion dollar behemoths upon release. Regular moviegoers love those characters and worlds, so they'll be back, even if the online animation fandom deems their sequels to be "mid" or whatever.

Honestly, I wonder if Pixar will ever consider another CARS movie. We did have that CARS ON THE ROAD series two years back, and 2026 will mark the 20th anniversary of the franchise. CARS 3 arrived 11 years after the original, but I think it was kinda bogged down at the box office by how poorly-received CARS 2 was (even audiences weren't too keen on that one) and the existence of two PLANES movies. I think it kinda made for CARS overkill. Ever since CARS 3, we've only had the aforementioned Disney+ series and maybe some short buried in there somewhere. Maybe a nice long gap and not much stuff could do a potential fourth movie good? Honestly, I like the CARS world, the movies are light and fun and silly, I'd be fine with Pixar making a few more so they can fund originals just in case they struggle at the box office. Instead of yet another TOY STORY.

I think they're running out of the perennial favorites to do sequels to. A BUG'S LIFE 2 likely won't happen, and MONSTERS, INC. has its continuation in the form of MONSTERS AT WORK, though a sequel set after that isn't entirely off the table. I don't think you can feasibly do a sequel to RATATOUILLE or UP (the latter's DUG DAYS was a fine enough continuation, and Ed Asner passed away not too long ago), WALL-E's future world could possibly be open to a sequel? I dunno.

The 2010s was mostly sequels. Four originals, only. BRAVE, INSIDE OUT, THE GOOD DINOSAUR, and COCO. INSIDE OUT, of course, has a sequel that's right around the corner. I would be down for a BRAVE sequel honestly, given the fantastical world the original created. Hell, just to make things cooler, bring back Brenda Chapman and actually let her make that movie - as a sort-of last laugh for her after how she was treated by John Lasseter. GOOD DINOSAUR lost money at the box office, so that probably will never get any form of continuation. COCO, I feel, you can't make a sequel to. Its director Lee Unkrich retired, anyways.

Pixar can only sequelize the old favorites so many times. They're certainly trying with a fifth TOY STORY, for sure. I'm sure it'll also make a lot of money. But it's like, when is enough enough? When does the studio create a film that actually is meant to have continuations while still being a complete story? Almost like their equivalent to STAR WARS? Or heck, could they one day break their "original idea" tradition and make... An adaptation of a multi-book series?

I wouldn't rule it out! Remember the Blue Sky movie EPIC, based on the William Joyce book THE LEAF MEN AND THE BRAVE, GOOD BUGS? That was almost a Pixar film in the 2000s! Maybe in order to keep sequels a thing but without having to retread their classic favorites, Pixar could just adapt a book series, hope for the best for the first movie, and then make some sequels to pay for the originals.

But either way, there will be more sequels I feel. Maybe not to the most recent movies, but they've got the mine for it, and Disney certainly wants that easy dough.

I'll also point out that the scoop said more Disney Animation sequels are likely, and yes... So long as the movies do great. STRANGE WORLD and WISH certainly aren't getting sequels, while I feel ENCANTO will get one, or at least a series. RAYA, maybe? They could've given us more WRECK-IT RALPH movies, given how much they can play (hah) with the video game settings, but they decided to do a separate-ways ending with RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET. So that seems to be off the table. Seems like it'll be FROZEN, ZOOTOPIA, and MOANA for a bit. Not sure if a BIG HERO 6 sequel will happen anytime soon, as we had a Disney TV Animation series for that *and* a WDAS-made Disney+ series. Disney can't really sequelize anything further back, like pre-Lasseter, for various reasons. TANGLED got a whole series that really expanded the film's world and did its own thing, a sequel would either have to build off of that or ignore it all completely... And I'm sure that would sit well with fans, haha. The weird thing is, I can see a TANGLED sequel happening because it would play off of nostalgia for the original, which turns 14 this year. But again, would it integrate the TV series and possibly alienate people who have only watched the movie? Or would it ignore the show continuity and upset fans? That's a tricky one, they'd have to really market the show before theoretical release.

There are even rumors that the TIANA series being made for Disney+ will be re-formatted as a movie much like the MOANA series was, but... Who would do the 2D animation if WDAS doesn't truly have a functioning 2D unit? Would it still be Mercury Filmworks, who are said to be doing the animation for it? Or would they have a sort-of Duncan Studio-type house do it? Would it be switched to CGI? A PAPERMAN/WISH-like movie? It raises plenty of questions.

Only time will tell. I find the prospects fascinating to say the least, but I really do hope we hear about more originals from both houses... Especially WDAS... In the coming months.

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