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heesdreamer · 1 year

Text

YOU MAKE ME

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ struck with insomnia your entire life, you’ve taken to exploring the city restless all night. things change when you meet a tall boy with tired eyes and bruised knuckles

WARNINGS ➩ heeseung is lowkey crazy and obsessed with reader, parental death and abuse and implied violence, sexual scenes and commentary, mental health talk (especially insomnia)

WC ➩ 17k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ (i lied lol part 2 soon) NOOO PART 2 plz don’t request im so serious i rlly love this story and it’s completed it has nothing else to add! im glad you guys enjoy my work enough to want more but when there is no feedback in ur comment and just “need part 2” when i spent so much time writing 13k+ words it makes me feel terrible lol. i rlly hope you love this as much as me (NOT PROOFREAD)

Your mother used to tell you that she thought you were born from a piece of the moon.

When you were old enough to understand her and her strange sayings, she’d tell you stories about how when you were a baby you’d never sleep through a night. She looked mystified as she explained to you the ways in which you’d gain energy every time the sun set, becoming whiny and ornery whenever she’d take you with her to run errands during the day.

She told you how you struggled in school for most of your early years, always being found curled up in your backpack cubby or under the slides at the playground because you hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before.

You always were much more cynical than your mother, less of a dreamer and typically prone to aggravation or grumpy tired mumbles. She’d tell you your connection with the moon was a blessing, a lifelong friend for you and you’d retort back that it was a nuisance.

When your mom died you finally realized what she had meant for the first time. You spent nights awake, like usual, but now they were accompanied by nothing but the sounds of your low sobs and your father drinking himself stupid just below your bedroom. It wasn’t until you cracked open your bedroom window for some fresh winter air did you catch sight of the moon and finally feel it, finally feel the connection you’d always been told you had.

Years had passed now and while you didn’t cry every night anymore, you still rarely found yourself able to sleep through the night.

You’d also turned your back on the moon again now that you were older and still just as restless, sleeping throughout your classes and lacking any social life considering the way you wandered through the halls like a ghost with sunken eyes and dark circles.

It was frustrating to you that nothing seemed to be working, no amount of teas or yoga exercises. You’d gone as far as to take prescribed sleep medication, only working enough to make you more exhausted than you already were yet not putting you to rest like you were longing for.

Years of trying and you’ve mostly given up, accepted your condition and never once considered it the blessing your mother had tried to convince you it was.

Blessings wouldn’t leave your bones aching, they wouldn’t leave you slow blinking trying to understand what your teachers were saying or stumbling holding your lunch tray. Blessings surely wouldn’t have you stood in the middle of a dirty 7/11, clutching three bags of chips and a large slushee while you impatiently waited for the two people in front of you to move along.

You’d realized a few things by being a night owl, only ever interacting with people having the same issue as you or people who worked early enough that you’d pass by them on your way back to your house.

You’d taken to spending your nights awake out in the city, sick of staring at your ceiling or scrolling down the same boring timelines that carried nothing but the same content posted thousands of times with different wordings. So you started to explore at some point during high school, each night pushing yourself to wander further and find something interesting before heading back.

Sometimes you ended up at the river, sitting and watching drunk older men laugh with their friends like they were teenagers, catching the ends of failed dates as they walked home with their heels in their hands.

Other times you sat and drank coffee in the few 24 hour shops scattered around the city, sipping it slowly until it was cold and the added sugar was hardening at the bottom of your paper cup.

Most times however you simply found yourself stood in this exact position, holding your snacks of choice and tapping your foot impatiently while you waited for the drunk college students in front of you to stop joking around with the exhausted cashier and pay for their beers. It wasn’t that late yet, not quite the time of night that got you weird stares for wandering around in your pajamas.

You could hear the cashiers tired voice repeating their total to them, asking if they wanted to pay with cash or card and you sighed softly. You tilted to the side with an exaggerated sway so you could see over their laughing bodies, vaguely meeting eyes with the boy behind the counter before flopping back to your original position.

A heavy sigh was slipping out of your mouth before you even realized it and one of the drunk men turned back to look at you, an eyebrow cocked in offense as he let out a nasty laugh after taking you in.

You were pretty used to that reaction, standing in your plaid pajamas with your favorite bunny slippers and knitted hat. Your eyes were low and heavy with sleep deprivation, an annoyed glint to your expression that seemed to aggravate him further once the glare was set towards him.

“Are we bugging you Ms?” He was asking it in a mockingly sweet tone, clearly antagonizing you due to your impatience. You sighed again and your eyes drifted to the side for a moment in indifference, too exhausted to hold a conversation let alone argue with a grown man who didn’t know how to behave in a public setting.

“Yeah.. a little bit.” You were casually mumbling after a few beats of him and his friend staring at you, realizing now they weren’t going to just let you go without a response.

He was scoffing like it was the craziest thing he’d ever heard and you felt a little jolt of your inner alert system when he was taking a step towards you, his much larger frame slightly intimidating on top of the fact he was drunk and not thinking clearly.

He stopped early in his advances however and you were confused for a second before you registered the sound of the cashier clearing his throat, the two men turning back to look at him with an incredulous look. When you’d first gotten a glimpse of him he’d been bent over the counter, his elbows resting against it with a bored expression but now that he was standing up to his full height you faltered a bit at how tall he was.

The two men seemed to be thinking the same thing as you, suddenly hesitant in their childish behavior and awkwardly handing him a wadded up bill before taking their case of beer and staggering out of the convenience store.

“Thanks.” You were muttering and dumping your snacks out onto the counter, awkwardly catching one of the candy bars that bounced off a bag of chips and almost fell back onto the ground.

“No problem.” He was responding back with a small shrug and you glanced at him curiously, scanning his tired eyes down to the work uniform that didn’t fit him properly.

“You’re not Jake.” You were announcing and he faltered in his scanning, eyes widening a touch as he looked down at you. He was wearing a name tag but you came by often enough to know that it wasn’t his own, never having seen him before and growing used to the friendly smile the usual third shifter would give you every time you dragged yourself in.

“Uh.. no. I’m not, yeah you’re right.” He was awkwardly muttering back and you almost felt bad for calling him out so directly so you laughed a bit to ease the tension, just as awkward considering you weren’t used to extended social interaction this late at night. “He had a concert he couldn’t miss.. asked me to take over.”

You were nodding softly, mouth parting in understanding and awkwardly shuffling while the conversation quickly died into a weird silence. The sounds of your slippers against the tiled floor was scratchy and too loud for your taste, making you wince slightly at how embarrassing this whole interaction was.

“Are you getting paid?” You don’t know why you asked him another question, why you were carrying on a conversation when it’d been years since you’d had one randomly like this but you liked the way his big eyes flickered back up to you.

“Yeah of course.” He was breaking out into a wide grin at the mention of it, finishing scanning your snacks and looking at the register for a second like he’d forgotten what to do next. “I’m normally up all night anyways so I don’t mind much.”

This piqued your interest but you kept your face neutral, nodding softly and picking at the peeling leather of your wallet while you waited for him to give you your total. He was looking up at you again before he spoke and his eyes landed on your hat for a second, still smiling softly as he looked at the knitted bunny ears.

You cleared your throat and he stopped staring, stammering out how much it had cost you and you slid a few bills over to him while watching the way he fumbled around trying to get the register to open.

“Well… have a good night then.” You were mumbling to him while grabbing the plastic bags he was handing you over the clear divider, your fingers brushing against his warm knuckles for a second. “Not Jake.”

“Goodnight.” He was casually saying back and you wanted to correct him on his wording and tell him you didn’t sleep much either, tell him you understood filling your nights with mindless task and the dark circles under his big eyes. Instead you just bit the inside of your cheek and turned to leave. “Have fun wandering.”

——

You’d left early the next night, starting your walk around midnight instead of the usual 3am and you hurried down to the bus stop that would take you deep into the city. You pulled your headphones on tight and chewed on your lip as you waited for the stop you were planning to get off at.

When you got there, you were tugging on the stop signal line and standing up before the driver pulled the brakes. You swayed slightly when he came to a complete stop and you thanked him as you hopped off the high step, speed walking towards your destination and adjusting your bunny hat on your head before you passed through the doors.

The loud chime of the stores entrance bell rang uncomfortably loud through your ears and you winced at the volume, ducking behind one of the tall shelves and grabbing a few snacks at random before making your way over to the register.

Jake was there again now, giving you that familiar greeting smile and you couldn’t help but feel a small wave of disappointment. You weren’t sure why you thought the boy from last night would be back again considering he’d clearly told you he was just filling in for his friend but you frowned slightly and mumbled a greeting to the boy in front of you instead.

“You’re here early.” Jake was starting and you almost sighed. He was friendly and you admired how much energy he had but he often tried to engage in conversation with you whenever you came by, despite the annoyed glances you occasionally threw his way. “You almost missed me.”

You picked your head up at this, suddenly more alert and raising an eyebrow towards him in interest. As far as you knew, Jake was the only third shift worker and he must’ve barely started considering how early in the night it still was so he must’ve meant he was leaving before his usual time.

“Who’s going to watch the store then?” You were asking him and you tried to ignore how knowing the smile he was giving you was, laughing slightly at the fact you were suddenly interested in what he had to say for the first time ever.

“My best friend, Heeseung.” He was responding slowly and you faltered slightly, not knowing the boy from yesterday’s name so you didn’t want to get too excited over nothing. “He helped me out last night and said it was more interesting than he expected so he offered again.”

“He offered?” You were speaking before he even finished his last syllable and you flushed with embarrassment at the look he gave you, shuffling awkwardly on your feet and waiting for him to respond now that you confirmed it was the same person.

He didn’t say anything but he gave a soft hum of agreement and continued to swiftly bag your snacks, much more natural and efficient than his friend but you liked the way Heeseung stared at the register like it was an alien object. You were interested in him just from the small conversation you had, although feeling uncomfortable at the emotion considering it wasn’t something you usually felt.

You chalked it down to the fact he reminded you of yourself, not so much in his lazy smiles and casual demeanor but something about the way his tired eyes looked around.

Jake was opening his mouth again to speak and you looked up at him curiously but you both froze at the sound of the entrance bell ringing again, looking over to see the boy in question entering.

He froze when he saw the two of you staring at him, eyes falling to your hat and then down to your face which caused his to flicker with recognition. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck, looking even taller now that he wasn’t standing behind the counter.

Heeseung was wearing a large hoodie pulled over his head and you could see the wires of his headphones going down into his shirt, tangled around his wrist that was clutching onto the strap of the backpack he was wearing. It was light looking and you weren’t sure if he had anything inside it or if he was just carrying it to give himself something to hold onto.

“Hey.” Jake was smiling at him and simultaneously handing you your plastic bag full of random snacks, hitting you with the reminder you had no real reason to stay in the store now despite the fact Heeseung had just arrived.

“Um.. thanks.” You were awkwardly muttering and taking it from him, shifting a few steps towards the door but stopping when you realized the tall boy was still standing in front of it and you had no way around him.

He was watching you still with a curious expression and you felt embarrassed suddenly, knowing Jake must have pieced together your reason for coming here so early and now he was watching you clam up and leave before you’d even gotten the chance to speak a word to the boy.

You were just standing there in silence, waiting for him to move and silently praying he would do you didn’t have to awkwardly shuffle around his large frame, when he suddenly was adjusting the backpack on his shoulders and clearing his throat while looking past you towards his friend.

“Change of plans. I’m busy tonight.” He was saying in a low determined voice and you could hear Jake sigh from behind you, your eyes widening slightly in confusion until the other boy was looking back at you with a small smile on his face. “Want to hang out with me?”

It took a few seconds for you to register he was actually asking you, staring up at him with an open mouth and stuttering for a moment before giving up on a verbal answer and nodding your head swiftly. He smiled even more at that and then he was waving goodbye to his friend, turning back around and holding the door open for you so you could quickly scurry out of it.

You weren’t too sure what to do, still feeling too nervous to speak clearly so you paused and waited to see if he would say something first. He didn’t but he lifted an eyebrow and gave you an expectant look, silently telling you that you were in charge of your destination for the night.

The pressure of a decision made you sigh softly and you gave him a weird look that made him chuckle, thinking for a moment before turning on your heel and walking away. He jogged slightly to catch up with you and you walked in comfortable silence for a few moments.

“Can I ask where we are going?” He was eventually mumbling, leaning down and towards you slightly so you could hear him at his low volume. Your lip curled up at the fact he was whispering for no reason.

“You don’t trust me?” You were asking him back and your teasing attitude seemed to catch him off guard for a second, raising his hands in mock defense and cocking an eyebrow in challenge.

“I do trust you actually, weirdly.” He paused and you could feel him looking sideways at you. You ignored his gaze and kept facing forward, following the sidewalk that was cutting through the park near the river. “Considering you don’t even know my name.”

You almost replied telling him that you did know his, that you’d been repeating it in your mind since Jake had informed you of it in the store but you figured that would be too forward and instead you just hummed softly. He didn’t ask you for your name, or even offer his and for some reason you had a feeling he already knew it.

Possibly asking Jake about you, an easy answer considering your unusual attire and late night arrival, and that being the reason behind the cashiers knowing smirk when you pushed through the glass door.

“Is this what you normally do?” He was talking again after a few more minutes of silent walking and this time, it was your turn to look at him from the side of your eye. “Walk around?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged and you felt one of the bunny ears from your hat fall off your shoulder at the movement. You weren’t sure why you didn’t give him a straight forward answer, knowing perfectly well your usual routine.

It felt strange to be accompanied by somebody even though he wasn’t talking much, you could tell he was thinking and wanting to ask you things and as much as you were intrigued by him it was slightly unsettling you to be around somebody for this long.

You spent most your days isolated, not having anybody to talk to at home considering any attempt of conversation with your father usually ended poorly anyways, eventually giving up altogether unless he was grunting something to you every morning when you wandered back into the house.

At school it was relatively the same, or most times worse. You don’t think the other students necessarily meant to complete ice you out but nobody seemed to know how to talk to you after your mom died, at first being overly compassionate and eager to empathize with you vocally and then eventually fading off into small pitiful smiles when they met your tired eyes in the hallway or eyeing you when you came into class late with messy hair.

Heeseung didn’t seem to be giving you any of these looks, he looked confused by your behavior at times but it was accompanied by small smirks or friendly chuckles.

You once again wondered why he was awake right now, why he seemed like he was used to this setting as much as you and not like he was forcing himself to stay up for the sake of making a new friend. You were curious what he was thinking about and what lead him to ask you to hang out in the first place.

“Have you been to the coffee shop on 44th?” He was suddenly asking and breaking you from your train of thought, his voice still in a low whisper.

“Why are you being quiet?” You ignored his question and raised an eyebrow in his direction, tugging on your sleeve and watching the way he faltered slightly.

“Guess I’m not used to talking to somebody this late.” He was shrugging now and he almost looked embarrassed at your question, making you feel slightly guilty for making him uncomfortable.

It wasn’t that late yet, people were still wandering around from bars and late night dinners and you could hear the squeal of the bus brakes still running. The city was rarely ever dark, even in the parks near the bridge but the mood changed sometime around 4am and you felt like the trees were sleeping. Everything was still awake now however and Heeseung whispering was driving you a bit crazy.

“What about Jake?” You were asking him more now, trying to make conversation so he knew you didn’t mean any harm from your comment.

“Jake’s a freak of nature.” He was relaxing again at the mention of his friend, a smile naturally slipping back onto his face at the familiar topic. “You know he works this shift and still goes to school? He even plays football at Hope.”

The mention of your schools college made you freeze for a second, faltering in your step and causing him to look back at you with concern, turning his body so he could face you now that you were lagging behind him. He raised an eyebrow at you and you gave him a confused look.

“You guys go to Hope?” You were saying it slowly so he heard you clearly and his head cocked like a confused dog.

“I don’t, Jake is older than us.” His use of the word threw you off completely and he must’ve noticed because he let out an awkward laugh at your reaction, scratching his neck in embarrassment. “We’re in the same grade.”

“We like… as in me and you?” You rushed out and he nodded his head, hands coming up in panic when you let out a low groan of guilt.

“It’s okay, don’t worry! I didn’t recognize you at first either, it’s a big class.” He was rambling to try and make you feel better about the fact you didn’t even realize he was your classmate, his comfortable behavior suddenly making more sense. You’d definitely never spoken to him but the fact he’d seen you around such a familiar place would make more sense towards why he was so willingly to walk around with you in the middle of the night.

“I’ve been there since Kindergarten.” You blurted out with wide eyes, exclaiming loudly in pure shock that you’d been so oblivious.

“Me too..” He was awkwardly offering with a wince like he knew it would just make the situation worse that’d you’d been classmates for over a decade.

You raised your sweater covered hands up to your face and groaned loudly, pulling your bunny ears in front of your eyes so you didn’t have to look at his sheepish expression anymore. You could hear him laughing softly at how dramatic you were being and you moved one ear to the side to send him a half glare.

“It’s really okay.” He was laughing out and you could see his soft smile from your one uncovered eye, watching him with a flushed face and growing embarrassment the more amused he became. “It’s not like you’re there much anyways.”

He was saying it casually, like he hadn’t even thought about it before it came out of his mouth but you both froze up at the same time at his accidental admission. You slowly moved your ears to the side and raised an eyebrow at him, leaning your upper half forward slightly and trying not to smile at the fact he was now the one flushing in embarrassment.

“So you notice me?” You were dragging out the words and your lip curled up in amusement, racking through your mind for times you’d seen the tall boy and coming up blank. In your defense, your entire school catalogue section of your brain was completely empty and that included cute boys with giant backpacks.

“I mean… well it’s just like… it’s not like I was stalking you or anything.” He was rambling on and moving his hands around a lot like he was really trying to prove his point, going back to awkwardly scratching at his neck when you gave him a disbelieving look.

“Heeseung.” You cut him off and he paused for a second in surprise, making you realize you’d just said his name without ever asking him for it.

He seemed to relax at that, knowing you also knew more about him than you were previously letting on and his shoulders lowered now that he was less tensed. He looked like he wanted to speak again but you felt embarrassed suddenly and took a few steps forward slowly, waiting for him to get the memo that you wanted to continue on your walk.

The two of you fell back into another spout of silence, awkward at first and then more comfortable as you got deeper into the city. It was more relaxed accompanied by the sounds of people laughing and cars honking their horns, kitchen staff wishing each other goodnight as they left different restaurants and swapped signs over to closed.

You were glancing over at Heeseung after a while and you studied him for a moment while he wasn’t paying attention, his big eyes looking around the city with the same expression you assumed you often had. No matter how many times you came down here, you always felt the exact same.

You always had this longing to capture the moment in some sort of way, giving up on photographs and videos quickly into your new habit considering they simply never were able to fully express how it felt. You tried writing about it, talking about the city always felt awake and how it unsettled you in a way that felt like a friendly challenge and not like your world flipping upside down.

“Where do you go?” You were asking him before you even realized it, watching his side profile as his big eyes opened wide for a second at the sudden sound of your voice and then darted right to look at you.

He seemed to think for a second and then he answered slowly. “I don’t know actually. Just here I guess, I just like to be here I think.”

The two of you watched each other for a few beats, holding the others gaze and you liked the way the neon signs behind you were reflecting off his round dark eyes. It was like a little piece of the city was frozen inside them and you almost said that to him before swallowing it, realizing how creepy it would sound out loud.

You didn’t say much else for the rest of the night, wandering around a bit more before eventually settling at one of the small parks near the center of the main area of downtown. You sat in silence like that, you pulling out your notebook that had few words and many sketches and Heeseung playing with the strings of his headphones as he listened to music.

You could faintly hear it coming from them, loud enough to reach you a few feet away and you considered telling him he was able to play it out loud if he wanted to but for some reason you felt like it was private, leaving him to listen by himself.

When the night was slowly changing into that familiar blue color, the stage right in the center of night and day when everything is coated in the indigo filter, you were standing up off the ground and dusting off your pants. Heeseung was looking up at you due to your sudden movement and you stood over him, offering him a hand so you could pull him up.

It was mainly his own strength put into moving his weight forward considering he was a lot taller than you and you were quite weak due to your lack of sleep, but he seemed to appreciate the friendly gesture and gave you a small smile after he was back on his feet.

“What bus do you take?” He was asking you on your way back to the 7/11 and you felt him looking at the side of your face.

“15.” You answered slowly, your voice softer now as the exhaustion started to seep in. You were suddenly grateful it was a weekend, the social interaction leaving you more tired than normal and hopefully giving you the opportunity to sleep an hour or two. “You?”

“Same, but Jake is bringing me home with him today.” He was mumbling and nodded your head, picking at the skin around your nails and feeling more guilt at the fact you’d never seen him on the bus before either. “Did you want a ride home?”

His question was surprising you and your eyes widened, looking at him and seeing the concern pass over his face at your sudden change of demeanor. You were shaking your head quickly, ears swooshing around your head and you raised a hand to shake it, really emphasizing your denial.

You couldn’t imagine your fathers reaction to you being brought home by a car, especially one that contained two teenage boys in the front seat. It already took him long enough to stop punishing you for leaving at night, eventually giving up on denying you your freedom once you started to pace around the house all night instead.

“Alright, no problem.” He said quickly and you were glad he didn’t push the topic although you could tell he wanted to, a curious look on his features. Heeseung seemed to have a habit of clearly showcasing his emotions and you were grateful considering it made him easier to understand but frustrated when it was a look of pity or sympathy on his face.

You didn’t say anything when he continued to walk with you past the convenience store, walking side by side on the sidewalks even as they thinned out as you slightly left the city area.

He still didn’t speak again even when you both stood together and waited for the bus to arrive, him leaning against the plastic material covering the stops bench and you standing outside of it so the driver didn’t just blow right past you, not expecting somebody out this late.

It was you that finally turned towards him once you caught sight of the bus approaching, tugging on one of your ears awkwardly and shuffling your feet while you waited for it to get closer. You could hear it squealing to a stop, the doors creaking open while he looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m…” His stare was throwing you off and you started to falter in your words while nervously looking behind you towards the driver who was waiting. “I’ll be here tomorrow around the same time so… if you wanted to.. or if like..”

You trailed off with a sigh but he seemed to get the general idea, a small smile on his face as he dipped his head down slightly in a conforming nod, relief washing over you at the fact he hadn’t found your indirect invitation weird or out of place. You raised your hand in a wave goodbye and he returned, watching you as you pulled your headphones over your hat and ears and boarded the bus swiftly, softly thanking the driver for waiting and finding a seat towards the back.

You could see him outside the window as you pulled off, still leaning against the booth and watching the bus as it left until it rounded the corner. You flushed at the fact he had walked you to your stop despite needing to return back to the city area to get a ride from Jake, not even hesitating when you passed by the store earlier.

It was exciting to be interested in somebody or even something at all, rarely feeling too extreme of emotions considering how dull and hazy everything became with your repeated exhausted routine. Not even your father, sprawled on the couch and surrounded by empty beer cans, could damper your mood as you entered your small house.

It took you a long time, hours staring at your ceiling with a half wandering mind but you eventually managed to get a little bit of sleep, thoughts of Heeseung and his wired headphones accompanying you.

——

The routine continued like this for awhile and you slowly got accustomed to it, now expecting to see him every time you boarded the bus and he was already there waiting for you with his large backpack saving you the seat beside him.

Sometimes you didn’t talk, walking in silence for hours or finding a nice place to sit and do your own individual activities side by side. Other nights you struck up small conversation, talking about the city and your favorite places to go and every once in a while delving into deeper categories that slowly chipped away at the uncomfortable feeling that always came along with attempting to trust somebody.

Heeseung was nice to you and you liked that about him as selfish as it sounded. He never expected you to answer his questions and he rarely pried, around the second day he had even started to pull out snacks from his backpack and hand them over to you after he opened them.

It was a bit into meeting now and he was walking you back to the bus stop, large hands tightly holding onto the straps of his backpack like they always were. He had lots of little habits like that and you carefully filed them all away in your memory. Sometimes he boarded the bus with you but others he just walked with you down there before leaning against the booth and waiting for you to round the corner.

Sometimes you wanted to ask him where he lived, he had to be further away from the city than you considering he was always on the bus before you at the start of the night but that would put him at even more of a distance from your school than you were already at.

Speaking of school, you’d yet to see him around the building and you surprised yourself by actually keeping an eye out throughout the day. You were scanning your tired eyes around the cafeteria and turning your dizzy head in classrooms to see if he was present but you’d not caught sight of him yet and you felt weird about asking where he was.

Maybe he didn’t want to be friends outside of the few hours of the night you spent together, time almost nonexistent here. You felt like the world was frozen most nights you spent with him around the city and you figured he must prefer that aspect versus actually interacting with you in the daytime where other people could see.

You were too distracted in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize your brain was auto-piloting and boarding onto the bus before you even checked if he was coming along, going to turn around to see and completely missing the first large step off the ground. You fell forward and you imagined your side would’ve painfully landed directed on the jagged edges of the steps but you didn’t get a chance to find out, suspending in mid air considering Heeseung had jolted forward to grab onto you.

You could feel his hand wrapped around your side, the other placed in the middle of your shoulder blades so he could support your weight without falling forward himself. Your eyes were wide from almost hurting yourself and you flushed bright red at the concerned look on his face, helping you back to a standing position but keeping his hand on your waist even after you were fully stable.

The bus driver was clearing his throat and Heeseung glanced behind him awkwardly like he was originally not meant to get on the bus, but he turned back towards you and took a step onto the same one you were standing on.

It didn’t pass by you that this was the closest you’d ever been to him, normally keeping a few feet between you when you found a place to sit for the night and rarely ever being close enough to bump shoulders while walking side by side. Now, since he was stood on the same small step as you, you were practically pushed up against him while his hand was still gently against your side despite not having a reason to hold onto you anymore.

He was leaning forward, his chest pressing against you more and you awkwardly looked down at his feet instead of focusing on how tall he was at this distance, and you vaguely registered the fact he was paying for both of your bus tickets.

He seemed to catch on to the fact you were out of it a bit and losing focus, his hand pushing into your side slightly to let you know it was time to fully enter the bus and find your seats. You expected him to let you go once you entered the thin aisle but he didn’t and even when he was stood behind you walking towards the back, he kept his hand around your waist like he was guiding you.

It was removed once you took your seats and you found yourself still able to feel it for some reason, the feeling burned into your mind as he awkwardly cleared his throat and scratched at the back of his neck again.

You glanced over at him and his nervous demeanor, his hands fidgeting with his ripped pants now like he was also still reeling from the feeling of touching you so randomly. His hair was messy like normal but it was getting longer now, falling forward into his eyes so you couldn’t quite see what his expression was. You watched him as he put his headphones in but you leaned forward slightly to confirm that he wasn’t actually playing any music.

“Did you have somewhere to be?” You were asking him softly and then repeating it louder when you realized his headphones might block out some of your volume.

He looked at you with a raised eyebrow and took the one closest to you out of his ear, wrapping it around the outside instead and thinking for a second before he gave you an answer.

“Not necessarily.” He was mumbling back but sighing softly when you gave him a disbelieving look. “Okay well kind of but I want to get you home first.”

“I barely tripped.” You were rolling your eyes at him being overly concerned but the flush in your face gave you away and he laughed softly.

“Maybe I just wanted to hang out with you a little bit longer.” He was shrugging and turning his head to look at you better, smiling more at the way you squeezed your shoulders together and awkwardly glared forward at the floor.

“We could always hang out in school.” You were offering after a few beats of silence and you immediately regretted it, not sure how it even managed to escape your lips considering you’d already told yourself you weren’t going to question him.

His initial reaction didn’t give anything away to you, face remaining blank like he hadn’t put much thought into it but you noticed his hands starting to pick at the tape wrapped around his headphone wire and you felt guilty for bringing it up. You were about to back track and tell him to forget about it or change the subject but he was humming softly.

“I think that’d be nice.” He was saying it casually but there was a nervous edge to his voice and your mouth was downturned slightly. “Where do you eat lunch at?”

“Near the side doors.” You were answering smoothly although you left out the fact you more so used the free half an hour for a quick nap instead of actually eating. “You?”

“The library.” He was saying it hesitantly like he wasn’t sure if he should lie or not, knowing full well there was a no eating policy in that section of the school and you’d realize he wasn’t actually eating at lunch either. You both paused for a second in heavy silence before you were snorting a laugh.

“So you’re a loser basically?” Your comment was teasing and he visibly relaxed at your reaction, chuckling softly and nudging you with his thin shoulder.

“Sorry to disappoint Ms. Popular.” He was retorting back and you were glad to see the small smile return to his face and stay there now that you’ve both established this change in routine.

You wondered if he’d been thinking about it too, keeping an eye out for you or if he was actively avoiding you throughout the hallways like you’d previously thought. Maybe he figured the same as you, that you wouldn’t want to be suddenly seen with him or you wouldn’t acknowledge him and it would ruin the friendship you were slowly building.

When you got off the bus it was nice to see him still there, trying not to wince at how close the stop was to your house and how if it didn’t pull off immediately he’d see you walk up to the overgrown grass with windows titled off their hinges.

You tried not to think about it and after you gave him a small wave through the window you turned on your heel and kept your face forward, steely in your resolve to not spare him another nervous glance. This time you father didn’t seem to be home and you were grateful for that considering you had a feeling you were absolutely radiating with how much you were thinking about the boy.

It was hard to go to sleep, even more so than normal, with the ghost of his hand pressed again you and the knowledge that tomorrow you now knew where to find him. It was up to the two of you to decide if you used this information or ignored it and you weren’t sure which route he was hoping you’d take.

——

“I thought you’d forgotten about me for a second there.” Heeseung’s low voice was hitting your ears the second you crossed into the library and you let out a sigh of relief upon seeing him.

You were worried for the first half of the day that it would be awkward, that you wouldn’t know what to say to each other and it would ruin everything you’d be enjoying so much, but you knew from the second he spoke that you’d made the right choice in coming to find him.

“I was about to give up.” You scowled at him and placed your bag down on the back of the chair, climbing up and sitting across from him at the high top round table in the back of the library. “You’re hard to track down.. plus the librarian kept glaring at me every time I passed her desk like I was trying to steal her books.”

“She’s probably just used to only seeing me.” He was explaining with a small smirk at your complaining and you frowned at him softly while taking a second to take him in.

You weren’t sure why you expected him to look different during the day time, feeling a bit stupid now that you looked at him and he looked exactly the same. Almost exactly, outside of how much more exhausted he looked now that he was running on even less sleep, his hair was messier than it was around 2am and he was nervously looking around.

Heeseung was always handsome to you, despite the fact you tried to pretend you didn’t think so the first few times you hung out, but you noticed things about him under the school lights that you had missed outside in the near dark.

For one, he had his eyebrow pierced. You’re not exactly sure how you managed to not notice that considering you were currently frozen to your seat as you saw it gleaming against the light when he turned his head to look at you in confusion.

He looked embarrassed at the fact you were staring at him so intensely and he brought a hand up to mess with his bangs, the face jewelry disappearing back behind his hair and showcasing why you failed to see it before. His hand had bandaids on a few of his fingers and you almost asked him about them until he tucked them back into his hoodie sleeves.

“You don’t eat?” He was clearing his throat and asking you in a low tone, leaning forward slightly to ensure that you could hear him.

You were shaking your head softly and then shrugging, almost becoming awkward enough to regret coming. “Foods no good here anyway.”

He watched you for a few seconds and you were curious what he was thinking, if he was making similar observations as you. You were suddenly reminded you couldn’t wear your bunny hat to school and it might be the first time he’s seen you without it, seen how dark your under eyes are and how dry and chapped your lips become this time of year.

You didn’t like that you thought about this, didn’t like that you cared about what he was thinking about your appearance.

“We could go get some food after school.” He was suggesting it with a shrug but his eyes were watching you intensely with a hint of hesitance, almost like he was expecting you to say no.

You felt like your breath caught for a few seconds, holding tightly in your chest and you hoped your eyes didn’t widen too much at his suggestion. He was still watching you but his eyes softened slightly at your surprised expression, amused that you seemed just as nervous as he was about this change of pacing.

“Are you paying?” You were eventually wheezing out after a few seconds, letting the words tumble out at the same time your big gulp of air did.

His smile was familiar, the same one he gave you when he caught you staring at him in the park for a sketch reference, the same one he would offer everytime you’d skip onto the bus and grin once you caught sight of him saving your seat. You thought it looked even better in the sunlight.

——

You tried not to think about how weird it was that you and Heeseung left school together, side by side and bumping into each other while navigating the hoard of students all trying to squeeze out of the doors to escape the building.

You wondered if anybody else thought it was weird, if anyone paid enough attention to you in recent years to wonder who the tall boy next to you was. The boy who was currently snaking a hand down to your side like he had at the bus, gently guiding you through a gap in the crowd so you could get outside faster than it would be to stand and wait.

Your face was flushing bright red but he luckily seemed to focused on getting out of the mass of people to realize, eyebrows furrowed in a stressed out expression.

He didn’t remove his hand even after you’d gotten out of the tight pile of bodies, keeping it there comfortably but you knew by the heavy silence that you both were aware it wasn’t anything normal for him to do. You almost couldn’t tell, almost convinced yourself this was his typical behavior and you’d somehow just not realized it, but when you caught his eye and he quickly looked away with a small pink to his cheeks you knew it wasn’t.

Little things were different during daytime hours but not enough to make your head completely spin, giving you that familiar overwhelmed feeling that left you taking deep breaths in the bathroom stall.

The bus was actually full of people for once, only one seat left in the middle of the aisle and Heeseung hurriedly sat you down on it before it was taken. He was standing above you holding onto the pole near the top of the ceiling and you would’ve felt bad he had to do that so you could sit if it wasn’t for the small glances and grins he was sending down your way every time he caught you staring.

When you reached further into the city, somewhere you didn’t fully recognize but he must’ve considering the was leaning forward towards you and tugging on the stop rope, you both thanked the driver and left the bus.

You tried not to be disappointed when he didn’t hold onto you again, silently cursing yourself for feeling that way anyways and pushing it down. You took your backpack off your shoulders as you walked and held it in front of you, fishing for something inside with an annoyed sigh after a few seconds passed without feeling it.

Eventually the familiar fabric was grazing your fingers and you smiled softly as you pulled out your hat and situated it over your head again, pulling a few pieces of hair out in the front and glancing over at Heeseung who had been watching you.

“Woah Y/N, when’d you get here?” He was mock gasping, a hand coming up to cover his mouth and stumble back on the sidewalk like you had surprised him.

You grumbled at his antics and elbowed him in the side, trying to pretend your heart didn’t pick up in pace when he laughed loudly at your reaction and grabbed onto your jacket so he didn’t go tumbling into the street from your small shove. He didn’t let go for a few seconds even after he was steadied, rubbing the materiel between his fingers before dropping it.

You wondered if he was always this touchy with people or if he had just grown comfortable with you fast considering the strange and slightly intimidate circumstances you’d been hanging out under.

He was walking side by side with you but you were following his lead, still not exactly sure where he was bringing you to. You fell back into a comfortable silence like you always did as you traversed the city and you felt a little bit dizzy due to exhaustion and the bright glare of the sun.

It only worsened when you were rounding a corner, passing by a large building that was originally blocking your view of the next street over, and you caught sight of a familiar back that caused you to freeze in your tracks.

Heeseung took a few steps forward before realizing you weren’t continuing and he turned back to look at you with a concerned expression, approaching you again and standing in front of you. His large frame was blocking your view now but you slowly leaned over to look past him and immediately shot back to hide behind his chest and wince.

“What’s wrong?” He was rushing out and his eyebrows were furrowed with worry, a hand coming up but stopping just short of your arm like he wasn’t sure he was supposed to touch you.

“I-I have to go.” You were rushing out and you felt embarrassed underneath your panic, hands shaking slightly and you swallowed harshly.

He was frowning and turning his body to look behind him and try to see whatever had spooked you, immediately whipping back around due to the fact him moving had allowed you to see the man again, this time facing your direction with a suspicious look on his face. You imagined it was due to the fact Heeseung was just standing in the middle of the sidewalk but your heart started to race so hard it was painful at the chance he had seen you.

“Who is that?” Heeseung was, thankfully, getting the idea slowly and lowering his face as he spoke to you. You didn’t answer immediately and he was bending down so he was closer to your face, his hand finally connecting to your arm and cupping the back of your elbow. “Y/N, who is that?”

“It’s my dad.” You whispered back in a harsh tone and you’re not sure why you said it, never talking about family or each others parents before and never planning to.

Heeseung paused for a second and then his eyes were darkening like he had figured something else out, you felt humiliated knowing he must be piecing together every strange reaction you’ve ever had to the suggestion of being brought home by Jake or for him to walk you to your door.

He was glancing behind him again and a small noise of protest slipped out of your mouth, your hands coming up to land on his chest and scrunch his hoodies fabric up in your hands. He was looking back at you quickly and his eyes softened at the scared expression on your face but could still see anger swimming in his.

You weren’t sure if Heeseung was a violent person, thinking there was no way it was possible for the boy who was as sweet to you as he was unprompted, to ever willingly harm somebody but you’d also never given him any reason to be mean or treat you poorly. You thought about his bandaged hands for a second and then immediately felt guilty for doing so.

“Let me take you home.” He was saying after a few seconds and you shook your head, too overwhelmed to think clearly for a second. “Baby, let me take you home.”

The pet name snapped you out of it and you looked up at him, feeling more and more humiliated by the second at the fact your eyes were watering and you were still anxiously bunching his hoodie in your hands.

“T-the bus is too slow, he’s just now leaving the liquor store but he has a car and by the time we walk back and get on and it makes all the stops it’ll be too late and-“ You were speaking a mile a minute and you felt his hand squeeze your arm before he cut you off.

“I’m parked around the corner.” He rushed out in an attempt to stop you so you could take a breath, freezing and furrowing your eyebrows in confusion when you registered what he was saying. He winced slightly at your reaction and a weird feeling passed through your chest. You were raising your hands off of his chest before slamming them back down against him in annoyance, ignoring the small pained sound he made.

“You idiot.” You spat out at him in a harsh whisper, shaking your head and glaring up at his guilty face. “You’ve had a car this entire time?”

He looked sheepish and you suddenly felt very stupid for somehow missing this, and then slightly flattered and embarrassed that he had been riding the bus with you every single day despite being parked in the opposite direction. It made sense now to you why he was sometimes hesitant to board, unlocking the knowledge that he had been riding it all the way back alone after you’d gotten off.

“Not the entire time.” He was trying to explain himself but you could tell he was lying slightly. “It was in the shop the first time we met, that’s why Jake drove me home.”

You sighed and glared at him again but you weren’t actually mad, just slightly upset that he had been inconveniencing himself this much for some reason you didn’t quite understand.

“I just wanted an excuse to spend more time with you.” He was offering an explanation before you even had a chance to ask him and your expression softened at the reasoning, hands flatting out against him in a silent apology for hitting him.

“You’re still an idiot.” You were mumbling but your voice held no malice and he smiled at the fact he was clearly forgiven. Things felt tensioned again now that the conversation died down and you were both suddenly reminded of the fact you were touching each other and standing nearly toe to toe. “I really do have to go.”

“And I really will take you.” He was whispering back with a stressed sincerity and you frowned from the guilt of both making him drive you and not eating together like you had planned.

Heeseung was guiding you back around the buildings corner slowly, backing you up and shuffling forward with you so you didn’t need to step out from behind his chest and risk being seen. You were pouting as you awkwardly walked backwards and it remained on your face even when you were able to face forward like normal and follow him to where he had parked his car.

His car looked pretty much exactly how you figured it would, low to the ground and chipping paint in different sections of it but it was very him and you laughed softly when you remembered how ridiculous it was that he’d had one this entire time.

He seemed embarrassed when you got into the passenger seat, looking into the backseat to check if it was messy and rearranging the different CD’s that were sitting on top of his center console. You moved them over to your lap and started to mess with them while he pulled off the curb.

“Basement, Title Fight,” You were humming softly while flipping through them and reading out the artist titles, ignoring the way he was sending you nervous side glances between looking at the road. “Elliot Smith.. is this what you’re always playing in your headphones?”

“Too cliche?” He was retorting back and you scrunched your nose when you looked up at his side profile, a small smirk playing on his lips at your amusement.

“The fact you even keep CD’s still is kind of cliche.” You were throwing back to him and he glanced at you to smile fully and shake his head, watching the way you were leaned against his car door and casually looking through his stuff for a second before going back to focusing on the road.

“You still like me even though I listen to scratched CD’s and drive a 2002 shit bucket?” He was responding and you both paused.

His wording didn’t miss you but you weren’t sure if it was intentional or not, also unable to tell if he was speaking in a platonic way or if he was genuinely asking you if you liked him romantically. His mouth was parting like he was trying to think of a way to backtrack and you cleared your throat before he could, leaning forward to push a CD into the radios slot.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and you let the song play for a beat or two before you were leaning back into his torn leather seats and glancing at him again.

“Yeah.. I still like you.” Your voice was lower than it was before, barely filtering over the sound of the music building up but you knew he managed to catch it considering the way he was biting the inside of his cheek and avoiding looking in your direction for the rest of the ride.

He didn’t need to ask you for the way to your neighborhood considering he’s been riding past it 4 times a day but he glanced at you for help when you entered the street and you leaned forward to point towards your house. Your dads car wasn’t in the driveway and you breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled up near the curb.

You didn’t think too much about the state of disarray your home was in this time, for some reason not minding if he saw how messed up things were for you. The feeling had settled into your stomach that he wouldn’t care, that he wasn’t going to give you a sorry look or treat you differently.

He was surprising you by opening his door before you’d gotten out and you watched him round the hood with confusion, flushing when he came over to your side to open yours for you and hold it while you scrambled out. You leaned against the door once he had closed it behind you and he stood in front of you like he had on the sidewalk, his dirty sneakers pressing against the toe of yours.

“So…” You were dragging out the word and trailing off nervously, looking up at him through your eyelashes and thinking about how cute he looked peering down at you.

“So.” His lips were curling up in a smirk at your lack of words and you frowned at the expression, reaching up to pinch at his arm and keep it there when he let out a low chuckle. His hand was coming up to touch your bunny hat and you laughed softly at the way he pushed it behind your shoulder, almost like it was a piece of your hair.

“We shouldn’t be talking here.” You told him in a low voice, not wanting to speak any louder considering how close his face was getting to yours. “My dad would kill me if he saw you.”

“Right.” He was nodding but he wasn’t taking a step back or making any move that indicated he was going to leave, just watching you and you could feel his arm tense underneath your touch. “Do you want me to go?”

You were shaking your head swiftly although you knew he needed to, you liked his company and you found yourself missing him every time you were away for too long. You somehow managed to have fun today despite the fact you’d almost had a panic attack upon seeing your dad and how awkward it had felt to search for him in the school.

“I should go.” He was sighing even though you had said you didn’t want him to, thinking logically despite obviously also not wanting to leave. He was leaning forward again and for a second you could feel his chest pushed up against yours before he swayed back like he hadn’t done it.

Your heart felt heavy at the fact he was going to leave you there, in such a rotten place that left you restless and miserable, but you were slightly humiliated by the large frown on your face. Before you could think about it, in an attempt to hide your expression, you were pulling him forward by his hoodie sleeve and wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.

He hesitated for a few seconds, just from the surprise of the contact, and then he was slowly wrapping his long arms completely around you and keeping you pulled tightly to his chest. You could feel him take a deep breath, surrounded by his warmth and burying your face into the soft fabric of his oversized hoodie, listening to his heart beat increase slightly when you squeezed him for a second.

You were pulling back after a few seconds, leaning into the car again and you knew your face must’ve been flushed red with a dazed look in your eyes considering the way he faltered and smiled sheepishly at you.

“Well.. I have to go.” You were rushing out to him and he nodded, taking a step back so you were able to walk away without having to push past his large frame.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” His voice was lower than normal and carrying a slight rasp that made something flip around in your gut, trying not to look at him as you quickly waved and scurried away up your front path and into the doorway.

You stood there, back pressed against your front door now that it was closed, and took deep breaths to try and calm yourself down as you listened to his car pull off. A smile was building itself up on your face despite being slightly embarrassed over your bold move and you felt like a cloud of giddiness was following you around.

“So that’s what you sneak off to do every night?” Your entire body froze up in shock and you immediately stopped in place, bones going rigid and blood running cold at the sound of your fathers slurred voice coming from the living room.

Any sense or happiness or calm Heeseung had brought you was immediately disappearing and replaced with terror at the realization he was home, and had clearly seen you through the window before you came inside. You were stuck in silence and you could feel the dark tension radiating off of him although you couldn’t even see him yet.

“You’re out there embarrassing me, making a mess of our name.” He was hissing and you watched him rise from his arm chair and come out of the shadows like a fairytale monster, cowering in on yourself like you were a little girl again. “Whoring around with that delinquent.”

“N-no dad, I promise it isn’t like that I just-“ He was cutting you and your stutters off, slamming his hand down against the wall near your head and you closed your eyes in a wince, listening to the way the framed photos rattled on the wall.

A few seconds passed and you were holding your breath, waiting for him to continue to insult you and tell you what you had done wrong but when the tension continued to grow you realized he was more angry than you thought. You felt your hands hit the floor before you felt the pain in your cheek, not even realizing he had hit you for a few seconds because of the shock.

He’d hit you before but it was rare in recent years, not wanting to risk you showing up to school with a black eye or bruised cheek.

Your hand was coming up to cup the side of your face, shaking against your skin and feeling how hot and swollen it already was from his large calloused palm. You didn’t want to look at him and see his sneering face, instead staring forward at the way your bunny hat had flown off on impact and landed a few feet away on the floor.

“No more going out at night.” He was spitting the words down at you, curled into a ball against the wall on the floor and willingly away the pain under your palm. “I’ll put a padlock on your door if I have to.”

With that, he was staggering back into the darkness of the living room and you could hear the groan of the armchair under his weight. You sat there for a few more seconds, frozen and making sure it was clear for you to move before you were scurrying up the stairs and grabbing your hat as you passed by.

When you got to your room you threw it into the corner and collapsed onto your bed in a fit of sobs, burying your face deep into your pillow and crying so hard you thought you might just explode.

You felt even worse for the reason you were crying, not because you’d gotten caught or punished and not because your father was upset with you. You cried over the fear of not being able to see Heeseung anymore, the idea of never being able to safely return to the city at night causing you such distress you continued to sob until your throat was sore and your chest ached.

The sun was setting eventually and your room was darkening, never having the light switch turned on and just letting the night take over every single day, but you failed to notice considering how burrowed under the covers in your own misery you were.

You didn’t mean to care about somebody this deeply, having sworn against it after your mother passed and you were left with a shell of a man, your father becoming half the person he was with grief and never bothering to heal himself for your sake. You’d spent recent years tiptoeing around the house and trying to show as little evidence as possible that you existed, part of the reason he didn’t fully mind you disappearing at night or sleeping all day.

You felt stupid but getting caught with Heeseung after so narrowly escaping your father in the city, completely letting your guard down and being foolish because of your feelings.

But the other part of you didn’t care, you deserved to be giddy and act stupid because you liked somebody and his reaction wasn’t your fault.

Thinking of Heeseung made you remember he’d probably be waiting for you tonight and you started to cry harder again. You were worried he’d over think about your intimacy and small confession today and mistake you not showing up to the bus stop as you rejecting him, retreating back into yourself and leaving him alone like he had been before your night time meetings.

You must’ve dozed off from crying and the stress of the day, only waking up with dry skin and swollen eyes when you started to register a faint repeated noise.

You were sitting up with a puffy pout and looking around in a dazed confusion, at first because you couldn’t identify it and then even more so because you realized it was coming from your window. You staggered out of bed to open it and stop the noise and you let out a gasp, ducking and just barely missing being hit by a small stone that flew into your room.

“Fuck.” A voice down below was whispering and you glanced down to see Heeseung stood at the side of your house with his hoodie pulled up over his head. “Did I hit you? I’m sorry.”

You felt panic grow in your chest at the sight of him although you were happy to see that you had a chance to explain what had happened, glancing behind you in fear before turning again to glare at him from the second floor.

“You can’t be here.” You hissed out and he gave you a guilty look, like he knew you were going to say that but couldn’t help himself anyways. You let out a small sigh and you eyes softened at his expression. “I told you he was going to kill me.”

You didn’t need to say it for him to understand that your dad must’ve been home and you saw his face darken again like it had earlier, feeling thankful that you were too high up and it was too dark for him to see the bruise that must have been forming on your face now.

“Is he awake?” He was whispering back after a few seconds and you paused at his unexpected question.

He didn’t say anything when you held up a finger to indicate you’d be back, tiptoeing back to the other side of your room and cracking open the door. You held your breath so you could hear every noise clearly and you waited until the sound of his snores filtered up the stairs to you, confirming he had drank himself unconscious again and was out for the night. You still didn’t want to risk sneaking out and having him wake up and you walked back to your window with a heavy heart.

“He’s out but-“ You were starting to explain you couldn’t come along when Heeseung was nodding and walking towards the front of your house, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion as you called his name softly. He turned back to look at you and you raised your hands in bewilderment. “What are you doing?”

“Let me in.” He whisper yelled back and gave you a look like it was an obvious thing for you to do, smiling slightly when your astonished face only deepened.

You were groaning when he disappeared around the side of the house and you left your room before you had a chance to think about it more, sneaking down the stairs as silently as possibly and trying not to let out a breath when you passed by the entrance to the living room.

It was strange to see Heeseung on your porch when you cracked open the front door, even stranger when he took a step inside your hallway and you took him in against the familiar setting. You hadn’t had somebody inside your house in years and you were thankful that he kept his gaze tightly on you and didn’t look around at the mess.

You brought a finger to your lips and indicated towards the living room where your dad was, a loud snore coming from him at that exact moment and causing you to jump where you stood. Heeseung was bringing a hand up to your arm in an attempt to calm you and he nodded in understanding that he needed to keep quiet.

When you took a step on the first stair you winced and glanced back at him, knowing his weight and tall frame would make it groan louder than normal.

Still, you took his hand in yours and let it hang behind you as you gently led him up the old wood and into the hallway that would lead to your bedroom. He still didn’t speak once you entered it and for a second you were worried he would ask you to turn the lights on, thankful when he finally took a deep breath and glanced around at your belongings.

“So this is where she returns to.” He was muttering under his breath and you felt a little embarrassed as he took in your room.

Not as embarrassed as you felt when he was looking back at you intensely, you figured he could see you better now that you were closer and illuminated by the moonlight shining in from your window but you knew you were correct when his eyes were hardening again suddenly. You winced slightly when his hands were coming up to cup your face, the right one just hovering and not connecting with the bruised and swollen skin.

“This was him?” He was whispering, his eyes filtering up to stare into yours and your stomach turned at how serious he sounded. You hadn’t seen him have this look in his eye before and it put you slightly on edge.

You were hesitantly nodding your head and you knew your eyes must have started watering judging by the fact his face softened and he gently caressed your uninjured cheek, shaking his head and bringing you over to sit down on your bed.

“I’m sorry.” He was whispering to you and leaning forward to connect your foreheads, watching you with a hurt look. It was reminiscent of the pitiful glance so many people have given you throughout your life but you knew it was different, he was different.

“It’s not your fault.” You were telling him and you truly meant it, your hand coming up to rest on his wrist and squeeze it softly.

“It is though. I should’ve dropped you off up the street where the bus stops, it was stupid.” He was muttering and you wanted to remind him that you’d pointed out your house and you’d been the one to tell him to stay, but you weren’t sure it was going to make much of a difference.

You thought about the fact he was inside of your house right now, only a few hours after you’d gotten punished for even being seen with him and you snorted a teary laugh at the irony of calling such a small act, such as earlier stupid.

“You make me stupid.” You were telling him and he smiled softly at your joking tone, knowing that you were completely serious.

“You scared me when you didn’t show up.” He was saying back and his tone was serious again, brushing back your hair that was normally hidden under your knitted hat. “I was about to tear the city apart looking for you before I thought about coming here first.”

You laughed slightly at the idea of somebody as kind as Heeseung raging through the city in search of you, pressing your head harder against his before leaning back a bit so you could take a deep breath and shake your head at him.

“You’re lucky I woke up before him.” Your tone was light and teasing but you both understood the heavy truth in the statement, his face dropping again.

He had failed to take you literally when you exclaimed about your father killing you but you didn’t blame him, not liking the guilt that coated his face again as he mirrored your deep breath.

“You couldn’t have known.” You were telling him in a gentle voice but he was still not looking at you, only picking up his head when your hand was brushing through his bangs. “Heeseung, it’s not your fault.”

He was nodding softly and chewing on his lip but you had a feeling he was only agreeing to make you feel better, still having that dark guilty look on his face. You sighed softly and glanced behind you at your small bed, scooting back a few inches before looking at him again.

He was giving you a soft and tired smile, clearly understanding what you were insinuating and you tried to not throw up from nerves when you were both moving around so you could lay down on your bed together. You’d been experiencing the most intimacy you’d had since you were a kid with him and your stomach was tight with anxiety.

Heeseung didn’t seem to think much of it, flopping back against your pillows and sucking in a deep relieved sigh. His one knee was bent upwards towards your ceiling and his left arm was sprawled across the rest of the bed, leaving you no choice but to lay on top of it. He was pulling you forward slightly by your shoulders so you could rest your head on his chest and you were slightly relieved to hear how fast it was beating, despite his calm demeanor.

“How’d we get here.” You were whispering after a bit of silence and you could feel his laughter before you heard it, his warm chest rumbling slightly with the sound

“I thought you looked cute standing up to two drunk assholes.” He mumbled back and you pinched his side slightly, draping your arm across his stomach. “You should’ve seen Jake’s face when I asked about you the next morning.”

“Probably the same expression he had when I ran into the store four hours early.” You felt embarrassed to be admitting it but you liked the way it made him laugh again, gently rubbing your shoulder over the shared fact you both had been interested in each other from the start.

You fell into silence again and after a moment you picked your head up again to look at him closer, still pressed against his side but rolling onto your stomach slightly so you could study his face. He was watching you with a curious expression and your hand come up to brush his bangs back, revealing his eyebrow piercing to you again.

He didn’t say anything when you pressed against it, rolling one of the balls between your fingers for a few seconds before rubbing along his eyebrow bone until you hit the bump of metal, but his eyes darkened slightly at your fascination and you faintly felt his hand slip down to your side and squeeze it.

“He called you a delinquent.” You were whispering to him with a small smirk, raising an eyebrow as you recounted what your father had said about him. “He’d probably lose his mind if he came in here right now.”

Heeseung didn’t seem to share your amusement about the subject considering how hard his face was as you talked about it, only his eyes staying soft as he looked over your features from such a close distance.

“I’d kill him.” He was mumbling back and you snickered for a second before realizing he wasn’t laughing, his face serious as he watched you for your reaction to what he was saying. You frowned slightly and laid your hands down on his chest, rubbing it for a second before shaking your head.

“Don’t say that.” You were muttering under your breath, following it with an awkward laugh at the sudden tension in the air.

“I’m serious.” He was saying back immediately and you looked back up at his eyes, frowning deeper since you knew he was telling the truth. A part of you felt strangely prideful about it, your stomach lighting up at the fact he was so protective over you and willingly to interfere if your father busted through the door.

The other part of you was slightly concerned with his sudden demeanor, only catching glimpses of it before and brushing it off considering how gentle and lighthearted he always was with you. You wondered if it was a good time to ask him about the bandages around his hands but you decided against it.

“Then what?” You surprised yourself by humoring his hypothetical situation for a second, watching the way his eyebrows jumped in surprise. “What happens after?”

“You can come with me.” He was saying it swiftly like it was something he’d considered before, eyes remaining serious despite the fact he was noticeably being more careful with his words.

You hummed softly at him, your hand moving from his chest to trail up his neck for a second before coming back to rest again. You didn’t think anything of the movement, just absentmindedly touching him and being fascinated by the feeling of somebody else’s skin other than yours, but you could tell by the way his eyes darkened that you had caught his attention.

“Would you come with me?” He was asking in a low voice, eyes tired and lazy as he peered down at you but very much focused in on your expression as he waited for your response.

You were watching him in return and you were sure he could feel your heart beating against his arm, rolling back around so you were laying on your side again and cuddled up against his side instead of laying on your stomach and directly facing him. You knew your face must’ve been flushed by now and it continued to redden as you thought of a response.

“Of course I would.” You mumbled back and it slightly scared you how much you found yourself meaning the words.

Now it was his turn to him, low and rumbling in his chest against the side of your face. You scooted closer to him instinctively and you felt his hand gently squeeze against your side when he realized you were moving again, your shirt riding up slightly as you shifted so now his skin was pressed against yours.

You were glancing up at him at the feeling of him touching you and you awkwardly looked away when you realized he was already staring, a hazy look in his dark eyes. Heeseung’s demeanor felt different tonight, or maybe it was just the intimate setting.

“C’mere.” He was rasping out the word and the syllables were slurring together, your heartbeat so heavy and loud that you almost didn’t hear him for a few seconds. You scooted up further on his chest so you could look at him, your upper half lifted slightly so your face was hovering over his and he could bring a hand up to cup your uninjured cheek again.

“We can run away together.” He was muttering now that you were close to each others faces again, his big hand nearly covering the entire side of yours and you smiled softly at his statement. He looked slightly serious still but you saw the corner of his lip quirk up and you ducked your head in embarrassment. “I’d take care of you.”

“Oh, would you now?” Your voice was teasing and you raised your eyebrows at him, biting your lip to try and stop the big smile on your face from spreading. You let your arms shift forward again to rest on his chest and you could feel his collarbones under your palm.

He was nodding but not speaking again, watching you intensely and you felt your smile drop slightly at the look on his face. You’d been with a boy before, not all the way and nothing serious but you wouldn’t consider yourself necessarily unexperienced. Still, you’d never felt so tensioned and attracted to somebody before like you did with Heeseung and he hadn’t even tried to kiss you before.

His demeanor, confident but not ever cocky and sometimes sheepish like he acted on impulse, was the most attractive part of him to you and being in such close proximity didn’t help.

“Could you take care of me now?” You weren’t sure what pushed you to whisper the words out to him, hesitant and slow but being said nonetheless and you watch his eyes flash with something unfamiliar for a moment.

Then Heeseung was leaning forward off your pillows, his hand that was cupping your face being used to bring you forward so you could meet him halfway into a slow kiss that sent a shiver down your spine. You could feel his heart beating underneath your chest as you scooted forward more to completely lay on top of him and kiss him deeper.

You were overwhelmed by how perfect it felt to be kissing him, how warm and familiar the feeling of him underneath you was and you sucked in a small breath when he pulled back for a second before surging forward again to kiss him more.

If he was surprised by this he didn’t show it, his hand pushing up more so your shirt would ride up on your stomach and he could feel more of your side under his hand. You knew he felt the shiver wrack through you, the goosebumps on your skin at the feeling of the callousness of his and he chuckled softly into the kiss that was getting heavier with every passing second.

You could feel Heeseung biting down on your lip, almost painfully, and you were reminded of that dark expression he sometimes got. He was immediately licking over the skin he had bitten, soothing it out with his tongue and you made an embarrassing noise when he was suddenly slipping it into your mouth.

“Calm down.” He was pulling back a few centimeters to whisper to you, his voice breathy and carrying a small chuckle as he teased you for your reaction.

“I can’t.” You responded honestly, shaking your head softly and leaning in again to peck his lips quickly. Kissing him was addicting and you felt like your head was spinning from the way he was gently rubbing up and down your side so slowly.

He was laughing loudly at your response and your heart clenched affectionately at the sound, immediately followed by the reminder he wasn’t supposed to be here. You glanced over at your door nervously and when you looked back at him again he was frowning and following your line of vision, seemingly also snapping back to reality.

“I should probably go.” He was muttering and your stomach dropped painfully although you knew he was right, it wasn’t smart to get in trouble more.

“I won’t be able to come out at night for awhile.” You were telling him and your voice sounded saddened and panicked, bunching up his hoodie in your fist again like you had earlier when your anxiety picked up.

“Doesn’t matter.” He was shaking his head and petting your hair softly, raising his eyebrows to really exaggerate the fact that he meant what he was saying. “Find me at school tomorrow and we can figure something out okay? He can’t stop me from seeing you.”

You watched him in silence for a few seconds before you were leaning in to kiss him harshly again, completely drinking him in and savoring the feeling of him pressed against you in case it was the last time you got to have him like this. His hands were sliding back into your hair, keeping you tight into the kiss and moving against you just as desperately.

You felt overwhelmed at his sincere words, never having somebody so adamant on being around you, being so protective over you that he was willingly to risk his own safety just to have a conversation with you.

“You’re crazy.” You were gasping out when you pulled back for air, laughing at the way he was pressing more swift kisses against your lips as you tried to talk.

“You make me crazy.” He was slightly altering and repeating the phrase you had said to him earlier, a smile coming back onto his face now that you clearly felt better about the situation.

It took you a while to get off of him, even longer for you to actually leave your room considering the way he kept shaking his hands around your waist to pull you back in to kiss again. At one point he had you pressed against your bedroom door and you tried not to think how tensioned it felt to kiss standing up like this, letting him lean you against the old wood and explore your mouth with a heavy sense of longing and desire.

You were eventually take control of the never ending situation and pushing him out of your door with a final kiss, watching him smile at you and walk slowly down your stairs. He had suggested you stay up in your room in case the door closing woke up your father and he came looking for you, better to find you upstairs versus suspiciously in the front hallway.

You followed Heeseung’s frame, craning your neck outside the window to be able to see parts of your front lawn, and watching as he tugged his hoodie back over his head and walked a few houses down to where he had parked his car.

He was looking back at your window before he got in and the two of you watched each other for a few beats before you were raising your hand in a shy wave, smiling at the way he returned it before getting inside his car and pulling off slowly.

——

You were getting stares as you rushed through the school halls, your peers not used to seeing you so alert at all throughout the day but especially so early in the morning. You’d only slept for an hour or two but you felt energized at the idea of seeing Heeseung again as you searched for him.

The search stopped short when you were suddenly smacking into somebody rounding the corner, clearly not expecting to encounter somebody moving at the speed you were.

You both flew back from the impact and you landed on your butt a bit away from the boy, glancing up swiftly to see it was somebody you recognized, a friend from middle school who had slowly stopped talking to you after your mother died.

“Shit, I’m sorry Sunoo.” You were stuttering slightly and you suddenly remembered that conversation didn’t come easily to you, forgetting this fact considering you only ever spoke to Heeseung. “I was just-“

“Looking for Lee Heeseung?” He was cutting you off and you paused in your explanation to stare at him, his tone more judging than you remember ever hearing it. “What are you doing hanging around with him Y/N?”

He was standing back to his full height and offering you a hand but after faltering for a few seconds you paused, scoffing under your breath and standing without taking it. Once you were off the ground you were glaring at him, not liking the heavy glance he was sending your way.

“What does it matter to you?” You normally wouldn’t be so confrontational but it upset you how concerned he seemed to be despite completely ditching you alongside the rest of your friend group while you were grieving.

He had no place to judge you or who you decided to hang out with, although it confused you how worried he seemed to be about Heeseung. You weren’t sure how he even knew about the boy considering you didn’t recall ever seeing him around school or your old friends before your run in at the convenience store.

“He’s dangerous Y/N.” He was spitting the words at you but you could tell you weren’t the reason for his anger, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he looked at you like he was confused if you truly didn’t understand the reason for his worry.

“What are you talking about?” You were looking at him in bewilderment and you felt your heart start to beat slightly at the fact he was clearly implying something had happened with the boy you’d spent so much time with recently. You were suddenly reminded that you didn’t know much about him, never talking about family life or what he did outside of being with you.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Sunoo was sighing and you were confused at his sudden dismissal until you realized his eyes were going past your shoulder now, turning your head and seeing the boy in question standing a few feet away and watching the two of you interact.

Heeseung didn’t look dangerous to you, especially in the way he was clutching the straps of his backpack and carrying a nervous expression. His eyes softened slightly when he saw you but he must’ve registered the worried look on your face because he was suddenly turning in place and going back down the hallway the way he came.

You sighed when he pushed out the side doors, turning back to glare at Sunoo quickly before hurriedly following after the tall boy and rushing back down past the lockers.

“Heeseung.” You were calling his name once you pushed through the double doors, the cold morning air hitting your face swiftly and you winced a bit. “Hee, stop.”

He paused at the sound of your voice and you saw him suck in a reluctant breath before he was turning around to face you. You caught up to him quickly and stopped a few inches in front of him, reaching up to grab his hoodie sleeve and trying not to be offended when he flinched away from your touch.

“What happened?” You were questioning him with slightly widened eyes, looking up at him and trying to read what his face was expressing. “Why are you running away from me?”

“What did he say to you?” His voice was hardened and he was staring daggers down at you, your face crumbling at the harsh expression that you’d never seen directed your way before.

“Nothing, he said nothing.” You were shaking your head quickly and he let out a disbelieving scoff, looking away from you and clenching his jaw in agitation. “Hee, I’m serious. He didn’t say anything, a bunch of none sense I didn’t even understand.”

He was glancing down at you again like he was trying to see if you were telling the truth or not, being met with your big wide eyes and sighing softly in guilt for being so quick to anger. His hand was coming up to touch your face and you leaned into it even though you were still feeling confused over what was happening.

You didn’t say anything when he was reaching down to grab your hand gently, leading you with him out towards the parking lot where you spotted his car parked near the back. You frowned softly behind his back but got into the passenger seat anyways and watched as he started it up but didn’t pull off.

The heat blaring created a small rattling noise and you could hear the song you’d put on before still playing faintly, flushing a bit at the realization he hadn’t changed the CD and was just letting it play on repeat.

“Are you scared of me?” He was suddenly asking and you glanced over at him from the passenger seat, seeing the way he was staring down at his hands as he picked at the skin around his fingers. His legs were spread so his knee was pressing against the middle console and you reached over to place your hand on it gently.

“Of course I’m not.” You were whispering back to him and shifting your body so you could completely face him, your eyes following along his side profile and frowning at how defeated he looked.

“Even if I told you I did something bad?” He was finally glancing at you and you felt sick at how vulnerable his eyes looked, shifting nervously over your face and you hoped your expression didn’t convey how nervous you suddenly felt. “That I hurt somebody really bad?”

You were watching him in silence and it felt like the air from the car got sucked out with his words, hinting towards something darker than you’d expected him to admit. You thought back to the expression he sometimes carried, the way he spoke about your father so casually and the worry on Sunoo’s face. You watched him while thinking of this and you thought about all the other things to.

How he was always so gentle and kind with you, warm and comforting and never doing anything to make you feel worried despite most your time with him being spent alone and late at night. You didn’t know every detail about his life but that didn’t make him seem dangerous to you, he felt familiar and safe and you instinctively squeezed his knee.

“Did they deserve it?” You were finally croaking out, settling on a response that you felt properly conveyed your stance on what he was saying.

You’d thought from the moment you met him that Heeseung was similar to you and you knew the reasons you couldn’t sleep, the demons that kept you up all night restless. You tried to imagine what his looked like and you figured if you were bigger and braver, maybe you’d tried to hurt yours back too.

He wasn’t saying anything for a few seconds, just looking at you like he hadn’t expected that response and you knew immediately it had been the right thing to say. His face was crumbling and he was biting his lip to stop it from trembling, ducking his head forward to nod as an answer to your question.

You were leaning forward over the middle console to pull him in for a hug, not caring about the way the plastic pressed into your stomach uncomfortably or the burn your arms felt from stretching so far to embrace him. He’d help you more than once, brought you back from a dangerous place and a low state of mind and your heart tugged at the sight of him showing that same vulnerability now.

“It’s not your fault.” You were whispering into his hoodie and his arms were snaking around your middle, a small surprised noise slipping from your mouth when he was tugging you over the console and situating you in his lap. He was burying his head deep into your neck and your hand was coming up to rest on the back of his head, his hoodie fabric under your palm.

You didn’t need to hear the full story, you didn’t need for him to painfully recount the details or what had happened for him to do something so drastic and you didn’t need to know who.

Him softly crying into your neck and clutching onto you like a scared child was all you needed to believe him, to understand that whatever rumor or perspective others such as Sunoo had, was wrong.

He was picking his head up to look at you and your heart broke at his red face, tears streaming down his cheeks and a frustration expression coating his features like he was mad at himself for showcasing how upset he was. He was suddenly pressed against you in a kiss and you hesitated for a second in surprise before kissing him back.

You were pushing his hoodie off his head so you could put your hands through his shaggy hair, pulling him tighter against you and feeling the way his wet face was pressing onto yours.

“You can’t leave me.” He was gasping into your mouth and his hands were shakily coming up to cup your face, tilting your head softly and humming into the kiss when you were licking into his mouth and leaning forward so his back was pressed against the car door.

Heeseung was moving a hand down towards your back and you could feel him continuously tugging you forward into him, your hip bone pressing against his stomach as you both found comfort in each others touch. You let him do this for a few seconds longer before you were pulling back a bit to address what he had said.

“I’m not going to leave.” You were gasping as you said it, still trying to catch your breath and he was shaking his head before tugging you forward again, a small noise slipping from your mouth at the feeling of him dragging you up further into his thigh.

“I’m serious.” He was still speaking into your mouth and you pulled back further to look at him, the dark expression back in his eyes now as he watched you. “I’d go crazy if you left.”

It slightly unsettled you how serious he sounded, how he really stressed the words like they were the most important in the world. His hands were still holding onto you tightly like he was terrified you’d slip away if he let up even a little bit and your eyes bounced around his face for a few seconds before you were nodding.

“We can be crazy together.”

“I’m serious.” He was still speaking into your mouth and you pulled back further to look at him, the dark expression back in his eyes now as he watched you. “I’d go crazy if you left.”

“We can be crazy together.”

#enhypen #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fanfiction #heeseung #jake enhypen #heeseung drabbles #heeseung x reader #heeseung smut #enhypen smut #enha smut #enha fics #enha angst #lee heeseung #heeseung angst #heeseung fluff #heeseung au

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levmada · 4 months

Text

every—lesser known—canon fact about Levi Ackerman.

infamously over the years, there have been countless false rumors about Levi in particular out of the cast. many of them have become popular, even ubiquitous, and it's annoying!

and also disheartening when you find out it's not true....

and hurtful when you realize it was - sometimes - made up by trolls.

so i'm making this post<3

credit to @levisfavoriteacup for the idea!!

*disclaimer: i'm not perfect, so this may not be Everything™️ but I am confident that it's the majority of information available, and that it's trustworthy. :)

First the most populars. There is no evidence across interviews nor other content over the years that:

Levi is ugly, and is considered ugly in AOT.

Nope. See here: (tumblr link), or:

Isayama finished his first sketch of Levi mostly on a whim, but the moment he drew his face, he had a sense it would work well / he knew he had something good. Something told him: "the yaoi fangirls are going to like this one".

As time passed and his popularity grew, Isayama caught onto this and wanted to portray him more attractively (in multiple ways) to the viewer/reader.

But from the beginning, this was something of the goal. He is short because Isayama had in mind what young women/fangirls in Japan consider attractive: a man with a higher-pitch voice; has a small face; and who is "short but strong".

In the world of AOT, he (in a nutshell) is mostly considered plain or awkward, but combined with his reputation and style, he's very charming. "He cleans up nice." Overall, it is positive :) But more importantly, realistic I think.

He's also something of a celebrity. People who advertise their product as being used by him are more successful; when he's seen in a shop, this by itself is considered "advertising" and more people come in. Quote: ""the tea that the hero bought”".

He's definitely not a 2/10 at any rate😇.

—the 24th episode of Naoki Yoshida's Anime Plan, 2013 / Interview with Frau Magazine, 2013 | Hajime Isayama x Hikaru Suruga (2014) | AU Smartpass - Erwin & Levi Close Up Interview Part 1 | Taking shelter from the rain reprise: Levi and Peaure

Levi’s type would be someone who’s "tough, feminine and sensual".

Levi's type "might" be tall people. But context matters, because in multiple translations "don't you think?" and "might be" are thrown around a lot. Isayama isn't known for his clarity. When asked, he practically said the question right back. —fan Q&A from a festival in Betsumaga, Aug.2014

What this quote might have come from is a statement by the author of an article Isayama was likely involved in. I can't say this is 100% canon, but in my opinion it's a little less canon than the Smartpass AUs; if those are sub-canon, then this is sub-sub-canon:

Levi's romantic type is someone who walks three steps behind him, and likes cleaning.

In the past, in Japanese culture, for a wife to walk three steps behind her husband implied highly traditional gender roles. What this is much more likely to mean is that Levi's romantic type is someone who will let him protect them, or will run away and survive even if it costs his life. (And they have to like cleaning.)

—the article is from 2013, and no longer exists. but the link was used as recently as 2021 as a source in this post by a reliable translator. I've found this quote also in varying qualities of translation across Japanese and English forums, so to the best of my knowledge, it's reliable.

Levi's cravat is a piece of his mother's dress + he was wearing her dress when Kenny found him.

This is a popular rumor that Isayama has never confirmed (i think it is true, tho.)

December 25th was chosen by his comrades because he doesn't know his actual birthday.

The guidebook only states that it is his birthday. I can't find any more context on this. —AOT Guidebook; p.256

His character profile:

—AOT Guidebook; p.78–79

His name is Hebrew, and means "attached" or to be "joined".

Isayama came up with Levi's name after watching American documentary "Jesus Camp". (It's about a summer camp-type program where evangelical Christian children are taught extreme beliefs. One of the children was named Levi.) Isayama heard it and thought it sounded cool. —Hajime Isayama x Hikaru Suruga (2014) | 2010 blogpost by Isayama

Levi is in his early 30s (in s3/RtS/volume 19). –Interview, Universal Studios Japan’s SNK THE REAL exhibition, 2016 | confirmation

If Kuchel was still alive, Levi would want to make sure she had an easy life. This means specifically filial piety, a concept exclusive to the East: he would fulfill his duties as a son for her. (tldr he's a mama's boy :3) —Bessatsu Magazine, 2019

Levi would have thin facial hair, but he prefers not to, so he shaves frequently. —January 2020 issue of Bessatsu Magazine (chapter 124)

He doesn't like coffee milk or coffee jelly. They're out of the question even.🤐 —July 2018 issue of Bessatsu Magazine (chapter 106)

He just gets depressed when he drinks coffee. Maybe he loves tea that much? He stopped calling Hange names like 'shitty glasses' since they became commander because he "seems" to respect their position that much. However, a Smartpass story delves deeper into this (and states as I suspected): [After Hange makes a joke] "Since becoming the commander succeeding Erwin, they’d toned down on their past speech and behaviour that had a touch of tomfoolery; Levi understanding that they were nevertheless trying to maintain the self “that was the case then”, also loses the will to curse at them." + "In the past, Hange had a Hange-type dream, and should have been progressing to that purpose. That lately, was it the weight of the office of commander, or was it due to the reality that is “all the world was our enemy”, their manner had changed considerably." —May 2017 issue of Bessatsu Magazine (chapter 92) | Goodnight. Sweet dreams, dear. Act II: Levi

If he and Kenny had fought one-on-one, Levi would've won. —December 2016 issue of Bessatsu Magazine (chapter 87)

intermission: all about tea

His favorite "food" is black tea. No actual food.

He doesn't add sugar or milk to his tea because he considers it too expensive—which it is canonically. Despite this, he will share his tea with his comrades (his original squad as far as is seen).

Even though he's Captain, he'd rather drink it straight (the implications of which are he's a hardworking man, like that of a farmer. aka, this makes him seem humble).

If a time of peace ever came, Levi wants to open a black tea shop (he said in a dreamlike way, not so much based in reality).

He also knows a good amount of facts and history about it. He's a tea enthusiast!!

Levi receives pilfered tea in shipments monthly, thanks to Erwin.

—AU Smartpass - Erwin & Levi Close Up Interview Part 2 | Part 1 | Taking shelter from the rain reprise: Levi and Peaure | Bessatsu Magazine, Jan.2014 | September 2016 issue of Bessatsu Magazine (chapter 84) | AU Smartpass My First Time Around: Levi Ackerman | The Case of the Corps Tea Party - File No. 09 Levi's Side (3/3) | sugar and milk in tea from the Japanese perspective

Levi, out of his original squad, found Petra cute/sweet in the general sense of the word "kawaii". Like Levi's romantic type however, this was sort of a non-answer to the question (of whether Levi thought she was cute). —2014 interview

After RtS, Levi seems to consider Hange and the 104th his family. —AU Smartpass My First Time Around: Levi Ackerman

He wears a cravat because Isayama based part of his design off Rorschach from the movie 'Watchmen'. He looks "delicate" because of his size and weight, but he's so powerful because [in issues before the reveal of the Ackerman bloodline] of "invisible power" at work. —January 2016 issue of Bessatsu Magazine (chapter 76)

The best way to describe the way he thinks is to compare him to the main character from the movie The Hurt Locker (2008). His character was born from Hiei from the manga 'Yuyu Hakusho', and Rorschach from the movie 'Watchmen'. The former was the basis for his appearance (especially his eyes), and the latter was the basis for his personality. Firstly though, Isayama had an image of a small man being the strongest.

—Hajime Isayama x Hikaru Suruga (2014) / Brutus Magazine (2014)

He is something of a protagonist (especially in s3p1). — Animedia, June 2018

His favorite tool (in general...?) is microfiber cloths (for dust I guess. Levi has no need for weapons :3) —July 2015 issue of Bessatsu Magazine

He will usually laugh/smile when he sees convenient cleaning goods (i.e., vacuum cleaners? feather dusters? ((cuz he's a shorty?❤️)) —Bessatsu Magazine, Dec. 2013

He does want to be taller sometimes. He gets eager to clean up after meals rather than cook at all. He can cook, though. —Bessatsu Magazine, Aug.2014 | fan Q&A in Oyama, Oita, Mar.2018

Levi mostly couldn't adapt to the changes that came about after the truth was discovered. Only he wears mostly the same uniform, cape, and blades.

After RtS, Levi personally retrieved Erwin's remains himself, for whom there was a special memorial service. After Eren (inadvertently) called him a "tiny old man" in season 3, Levi didn't care, but when he thought of it by himself later, he was hurt (unclear exactly why). Levi's father, most likely one of Kuchel's customers, is an insignificant man who's short. That's where Levi's height comes from. His face comes from his mother. At the start of season 4, Levi didn't change much compared to the 104th because he's turning into an "old man" who'd rather stick with his flip phone so to speak. He "doesn't break out into cold sweats". AKA he's always calm under pressure. He considers prostitution to be an ordinary job because of his childhood. Levi's vision is very sharp, way above average. He thought Eren's new look beginning season 4 was unclean/dirty (in more ways than one perhaps). —fan Q&A in Oyama, Oita, Mar.2018

He has slight bouts of insomnia. He never snaps/explodes when he's angry. But he does get angry or grumpy a lot, in general. He doesn't sing. It's more likely he would dance. If he was a fan of Momoiro Clover Z (jpop girl group), his favorite would be Momoka. When/if he drinks, he has a high tolerance, but he can get a little drunk :) One thing he highly hates and fears is mold. He is the one who ordered Armin to dress as Historia during the uprising. His blood type is A. Blood types are much like horoscopes in Japanese culture, and Levi's is as such: kichōmen, or well-organized; he likes keeping things neat, but can be stubborn and stressed out easily.

Whether he eats enough or has a good diet? He is "a bit lax". Maybe he forgets to eat sometimes, or has a low appetite. When Levi bathes, he goes for a quick shower then soak in hot water, which takes about ten minutes. Like a bird :')) He on any given night gets about 2-3 hours of sleep. He thought Eren was the best at cleaning (in season 3 / uprising arc). Because of his childhood in the Underground, Levi has a preoccupation/obsession with cleaning (specifically to ward off disease). He also doesn't have any pajamas, mostly keeping day clothes on when he goes to sleep - which is in "his" chair. Levi cuts his own hair using clippers. (Something like:)

He's aware Oluo imitated him, and found it annoying. Levi's horoscope (in general) as a Capricorn: Humanity’s Strongest Soldier - Levi. He possesses warmth in the midst of a dispassionate nature, and he is capable of leadership without verbal expression – both of which are special qualities of a Capricorn. Capricorns tend to hold certain levels of authority, even if they must carry out somewhat unreasonable tactics while in such positions. But when such authority is backed up with actual abilities, a Capricorn can gain Levi’s type of confidence and also be put on a pedestal by those around them. However, Capricorns won’t be dependent on others, much less trust them easily. They don’t hold high expectations and thus never feel a sense of failure. Levi’s faults include the inability to express himself clearly. Even though he wants to encourage his companions, he always speaks in a roundabout way, and without Hanji’s translation it’s nearly impossible to understand Levi’s intended meaning. Even though he is dependable in most situations, when it comes to love/romance, he expresses himself clumsily/awkwardly. —FRaU Magazine, Aug.2014. | fan Q&A in Oyama, Oita, Mar.2018 | Levi: Close-up Report (Part One) | Translator *the horoscope wasn't written by Isayama, but was published alongside canon information, and it's also not factually wrong, so I'm including it.

The dark circles under Levi’s eyes are to convey the “self-destruction” he takes on to reach the “standard” of Humanity’s Strongest. —Interview on the topic of Levi, May 2015

His 'liege'—as Eren is to Mikasa, and Uri is to Kenny—is Erwin. He is afraid of making deep relationships because of the cruel world he lives in; he can't know when someone he cares for will die or how soon. That 'gap' left in Levi's heart by Kenny's death was filled by his squad (the 104th). If Levi hadn't joined the Survey Corps, he would've been a "very irresponsible person". Risky with his life perhaps? As a kid, Levi used to make himself stronger in order to receive praise from Kenny. When he abandoned him, he wondered what his strength was even for. He was able to find peace with Kenny after his death. In CH72, the reason Levi kicked the shit out of Eren and Jean is because of his argument with Erwin earlier.

He knows he's a slave to his own strength, aka the idea of being a hero. He realizes it when Kenny asked what he's a slave to in s3/ch69. —Answers Guidebook, Aug.2016

If he ever changed his appearance, the one thing Levi couldn't be able to give up is his undercut :') He would grow out the top and tie it up :3 —Oyama homecoming event Q&A in 2014 | 2 | 3

Levi knows how to use a gun, but he "places more trust" in knives. —Bessatsu Magazine, 2019

Levi tolerates saunas. But instead of enjoying himself he seems to see it as a test of endurance. (LOL) —Bessatsu Magazine, 2020

Levi has newspaper-level handwriting that he practices often. He's very conscious of it and being connected back to the Underground. —AU Smartpass TEXT: Levi’s Signature

Isayama had considered killing Levi around the time of the thunderspear explosion. (As always) Isayama deliberated with his editors whether or not it'd be meaningful if he died, and they decided it wouldn't be. —Kawakubo interview, 2021

Specially, Levi holds his swords in a reverse grip "his own way" since he wasn't officially trained. —Illustrate Note Magazine, 2017

Levi forcefully bathes Hange by knocking them unconscious. —AU Smartpass - Erwin & Levi Close Up Interview Part 1

Levi is 4 at the time that Kuchel dies. —What the director informed Kamiya Hiroshi of on set

His character song is called "Dark Side of the Moon", found on YouTube here. Translated lyrics here.

how to draw Levi:

—AOT Guidebook; p.229 | +Illustrate Note Magazine, 2017

#please share... this took days of time and effort #levi aot #snk levi #snk levi ackerman #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #captain levi #rivaille heichou #levi heichou #captain levi ackerman #levi rivaille #rivaille ackerman #aot manga #snk #levi art #levi shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi.thoughts

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adventuringblind · 7 months

Text

Breathe For Me

LandOscar x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Dialouge: "It's okay, you can rest. We've got you. Just Breathe."

Summary: Marks on your soulmates skin appear on yours. Oscar and Lando hope they find whoever it is before they run out of time.

Warnings: SELF-HARM, Alcohol, scars, blood, panic attacks,

Notes: This is Part of my 1000 follower event. Feel free to click the link and throw me a request!

Masterlist

It's not every day you meet your soulmate. It's certainly not rare, but it also isn't an everyday event and is supposed to only happen once. If you're Lando Norris, then you get to go through it twice.

Originally he thought only one. I mean, maybe his souldmate is just clumsy. That is not the case however, because Lando has more scars, cuts, bumps, and bruises then anyone else he knows. He would be fine with it if he wasn't on national television all the time.

Max and Charles were lucky and found each other in Karting. Max had a bruise on his face from his dad and showed up to the race with it still getting darker. Charles had one to match. Now they're happily in love and the public doesn't now (is what they tell themselves).

So Lando finds himself stuck in between a soulmate who bruises every occasionally and on who gets scrapes nearly every day. He feels for whoever the first is because Lando is clumsy and is always running into things. Between himself and whoever the latter is, he probably is already exasperated.

Aside from his family, Carlos is the first person to notice. He double checks nothing is happening in Lando's own life that is causing all the marks. He assures happily that he's clumsy and the two soul mates certainly don't help.

Lando has heard of people carving names and addresses into their arms to find their destined partner. He lets it happen naturally. It's supposed destiny and who is he to rush it?

Daniel admits to an extreme worry of Lando. The older driver kept a close eye on him and Lando has to reassure him non-stop that he's clumsy, but it's not that bad.

He soon realizes that it's not the bruises Daniel is worried about, it's the scars. When his sweatshirt sleeves roll up the red lines are visible. It's something he's gotten used to over the past couple of years, but he dosen't think about it when he's not being filmed.

They cover a good amount of space on his body. Biceps, collarbone, thighs, stomach, and shins. It wasn't that bad until 2021 when it got significantly worse. It's stressing him out if he's being honest with himself.

He's is pieces when Daniel tells him he's losing his seat. No other driver lined up yet. Another teammate gone.

Daniel reassures him that Oscar looks like he'll make a good teammate. Lando is skeptical. Oscar is younger and a rookie.

The first time he meets Oscar is at the MTC. They shake hands, two sets of sleeves role up and Lando can't help but stare.

They match. Their wrists are completely identical.

They don't talk about it until a while later after spending the off season getting to know each other. They determined in Febuary they would be really close friends. It obviously escalated and now Charlotte keeps tell him to make it less obvious.

He's nit afraid to say he's weak for Oscar. A calm in his storm of emotions. The one person who can get him to actually rationalize his anxious thoughts.

In 2023, three rookies came to the grid. One of them being a female driver for alphatauri and a good friend of Oscar's. She then consequently became a friend of Lando's.

Which would be so terrible if Lando didn't know for a fact she's hiding something. She's shy and closed off to everybody unless it's him or Oscar. Mostly because he's forced his way under her skin.

"There is something about her, Osc. I can feel it in my bones."

"Are you sure it's not the cup of milk you downed getting to your head?"

"Rude!"

Oddly enough, it's max who approaches them about her later. He'd gotten to know her through media things and race weekends and often asked Lando about her or vice versa.

He pulls Oscar and him aside early one morning in the paddock. Oscar is still half asleep and Lando doesn't know what's happened until Max slides their sleeves up.

The ones they decided to wear to the cameras didn't pick up the fresh scar close to their elbow on their forearms. Completely identical to each other.

"You said you have another soulmate right?"

"Yes?"

"I think I might know who it is."

This is how Lando and Oscar find themselves in front of her hotel room door after the race. A DNF that wasn't her fault had ended her race early. Max had been about to go get her himself, but Lando and Oscar had said they would. If Max is right then they have a higher chance of getting through to the female driver.

Max sent them with the key card he has to her room. The one he forced her to give after he found her last night with a blade in her hand.

They knock out of curtosey first. No answer, as expected, but at least they tried. Maybe She’s asleep? Lando knows that’s probably not the case but he really doesn’t want to and see what is most likely happening. If the sting on his thigh says anything, it’s definitely not sleep.

Oscar keys the door open and hesitantly steps inside. Lando follows right on his heels. The lights are off and he would probably think it was empty if it weren’t for the visible blob of blankets in the corner that’s sobbing violently. to close to hyperventilation for Lando’s liking. He takes immediate action and pulls her out of the blankets.

Immediately, he keeps her body from curling in on itself so her chest is open and can get air easier. Oscar manages to find a lamp switch. She’s a wreck. So incredibly broken that Lando doesn’t know where to start.

“Breathe.” Is all he can come up with. "It's okay, you can rest. We've got you. Just Breathe."

Somehow he coax’s her to sleep. Him and Oscar combined manage to get her to bed, wrestle her shoes off, and bandage what they could see without removing clothing.

Oscar practically forces Lando into the be with her and he takes the floor. He’d said he’d take the floor with him, but Oscar claimed that Lando is the lighter sleeper and would know if she moved at all. Curse his soulmate and his logical thinking.

She manages to sleep until five in the morning. This time she just cries and huddles closer into Lando.

“I’m sorry you have to see me in such a state… I didn’t know you were stopping by.”

Lando maneuvers then int a sitting position. He then takes a pillow and throw it at his lover on the floor. Oscar stirs and groans.

“Must you.”

“Yes, It’s funny.”

Oscar makes his way up onto the bed and looks immediately like he’s going to fall asleep. Lando consequently throws another pillow at him.

“You should know something…” Lando starts. He doesn’t finish because the word are not doing what he needs them to. They jumble on his head and he can’t figure out where to start.

He’s entirely to grateful for Oscars presence. “Max thinks that the three of us are soulmates.”

Lando was thinking it would be like the first. Realization followed by smiles and laughs. This is not that. Instead it’s panic. She defends into the depths of her mind as she studies the match scars, even revealing her own identical one.

The pain, embarrassment and shame are written all over her features. She’s mumbling through some kind of an apology.

“Breathe.” He repeats. He says it over and over again until it’s all her own mind can hear.

Oscar looks gutted and lost. He’d helped Lando through many panic attacks, but this is completely different.

“I didn’t think I would ever find you. The doctors had tried to cut me off because it was a mistake since there were two. They said I wasn’t supposed to have one.”

Are the two boys shocked? A tad. Why would a doctor do that?

Lando doesn’t get time to ask as she pulls out a bottle of medication from the drawer in the nightstand. It’s stuff he’s heard of, but never actually seen. “This has been suppressed to sever the connection, but it hasn’t worked. They said to take it in higher doses at smaller intervals until it stops.”

She pops open the lid and pours a couple into her hands. Thank goodness for quick reflexes because Lando goes to get the ones in her hands, and Oscar goes for the bottle. She's too focused on Lando to notice the Aussie who manages to swipe it from her.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Didn't feel relevant."

"But this is incredibly dangerous! I've heard most people who do it end up -" Oh. It dawns on him why she's doing this to herself. The connection between them was already rough for her. She had been trying to 'fix' it like her doctors said. Had been told her entire life that the people who are fated to lover her unconditionally won't because she is nothing to them.

"How long have you been taking the meds?" Oscar's voice is so careful. The Brit would love to swoon, but it feels impolite at the moment.

"Years. They've tried everything. Put me on different kinds and change the dosage."

"Thirteen?" Lando whisper asks. His voice was barely audible. The small nod from the female confirms it. That's when the first scars arrived.

Lando places his hands on either side of her teary face. "You are not a mistake. You have never been a mistake. We've been aching for you. Scared maybe one day there wouldn't be any more marks and the implications of it. I've wanted nothing more than to tell you for years that you are loved and wanted."

He didn't even notice his own tears. Everything is just so overwhelming at the moment. They came so unexpectedly that it almost startled him. Screw Oscar and his ability to be amazing emotional support. The hand on Lando's knee is the only thing keeping him grounded.

They don't let her go until Max comes to get her. She's flying to do some filming with him. Neither of the males want to let her go, so they don’t. They end up flying with her since McLaren hasn’t filled their schedules.

But then they don’t leave. They spend every moment possible reminding her she is loved. That they want her. That nothing between them is a mistake.

Soon the scars start to fade.

But have no fear, Lando is clumsy enough to make up for it.

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krahk · 2 months

Text

Blood for Ruin

Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3

Masterlist

Alastor x OFC/Reader (no use of Y/N)

Part Four

(Or, Alastor Learns Hell Hath No Fury…you know the rest)

18+ Minors DNE, Smuttempt below.

Alastor and you had come to a respectable agreement in a considerably quick amount of time given the fact that the two of you were hesitant to even speak to one another. He still had free reign, his excuse being that he had already navigated Hell for nearly a century virtually unscathed and was immensely powerful. He also brought up that it was just unsafe for any women to be wandering around Hell in general. All the unscrupulous, unsavoury, and demented sinners loved to continue their victim count in the underworld. You were a target simply because of your gender. And gentlemen did not let women they knew walk straight into danger. He mentioned that was partially the reason Nifty stuck around him so long. He provided a safe area for her to be herself without being exploited due to her very strange mind. His concern for the little woman was touching, since you had assumed he had no good bone in his body.

You, however, would stick around the hotel mostly, but you were not limited to just your room as Alastor had first suggested. You would also be able to leave, but Alastor would be your chaperone. Having him around almost guaranteed distance from other sinners due to their fear of the Radio Demon. You could also leave with Husk, but only locally, and he would call for Alastor immediately if you would try anything funny. Alastor had told Husk about your attack and used your trauma as a reason for your constant babysitting. He wasn’t pleased about his new duties, but he certainly couldn’t refuse the Overlord.

And for a couple of weeks, this arrangement worked just fine for you. You didn’t suddenly need to leave the hotel a bunch, you preferred staying in anyway. Part of it was still just that you were still freshly dead, didn’t have to work, and there were enough things around this old building that needed attention. You started reorganising the library as a job, remembering that the state of it was less than desirable. It was still a mess, and currently it felt as if you were trying to polish a turd making it look presentable. Charlie’s father was arriving soon, called as a last resort to help her with the hotel. Pressure was on this morning, since the woman was clearly trying to work through some emotional baggage waiting regarding her father. Taking a step back and realising there really was no chance, you just wrote ‘Women’s bathroom’ on a piece of paper and fingers crossed the Devil was a gentleman. As you were sticking the paper on one of the double doors into the room, Angel walked by and barked out a laugh.

”You really think that’s gonna keep the man out, toots? Props for trying I guess.” Ending with a wink. You chuckled back in return, explaining your reason. ”I mean, he doesn’t really need to check every room out, but what if he’s a total perv? I know lots of powerful men that are totally into that shit! Overlords, even. Right Smiles?” Angel had directly that last statement to Alastor, who had come up from behind him and was now looking at your sign, perplexed. He waved his fingers and your sign turned into a shiny gold placard, and raised an eyebrow looking to your face for a reaction. You smiled at the sign, and nodded your head in his direction.

“Quite right to keep him out of as many rooms as possible, my dear. Fabulous idea indeed.” Oh yes, let us let him think you did this for an actual reason, and not because you get distracted trying to fix whatever Dewey Decimal system they were using in Hell. The three of you heard Charlie call for everyone to come into the foyer to wait, and you and Angel walked side by side talking about what you thought Lucifer might be like.

“Well, he’s supposed to be God’s favourite, and beautiful - like the Morningstar, so he has to be hot as fuck!”

”Mama warned me that Satan would be attractive, but since he’s not Satan and life doesn’t make any sense anymore, I figure she meant the Devil. Charlie’s gorgeous so I wouldn’t be surprised.” You stated. Angel was nodding while pursing his lips.

“Charlie’s mother is some kinda bombshell though, a total dime. I’ve never seen her but I do believe you gotta be to keep the Devil occupied.” He winked at you again, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. “Don’t be a pig, Angel, try to keep that under control for the time being.”

”Hey, Fat Nuggets and I have more in common than you know, girl.” Both of you laughed at his remark, and suddenly, Charlie interrupted your little chat-

“Okay Everyone! It’s Showtime!” Opening the door to Lucifer Morningstar. The Devil.

You blasted off your confetti cannon at the same time as Husk, welcoming him to the foyer. Alastor stood alongside Charlie and it was clear from his facial expressions he was unimpressed. Like, so obvious. Eventually Charlie introduced him to everyone in the group, ending on you, where Lucifer had grabbed your hand and brought it to his mouth to politely put a kiss to the back of it, much to your surprise. You smiled in return, while he made a remark about how cute some sinners could be. Eyes darting to Alastor, it was evident that he was seething about the special attention. Putting your hand back to your side, you thanked him for the compliment and allowed Charlie to attempt to continue her tour.

However a chandelier disaster had surprised you all, and it broke Lucifer out into song. You could see where Charlie got it from.

See this part of hell you would never understand. Occasionally, people would just break out into song, like a musical. It was generally entertaining, but as a spectator sometimes you were unsure what to do. You could all hear the music, so this was something that happened with intention. Still did not make sense overall. Alastor had taken over Lucifer’s song and as it spiralled out of control swapping between the two men, you hunkered over to the wall to enjoy the show. Before long, an interloper broke in and took charge over the song. It was a female sinner, and it was clear that she and Alastor had history together.

Always one to keep to a strict schedule, Alastor reminded Charlie of the tour as he redirected the new addition. The two of them, along with Vaggie and Lucifer went their own way. You joined Angel at the bar with Alastors friend, Mimzy, and were swept up in her storytelling of Alastors history before and beginning in hell. You could tell that Husk and Mimzy had some of their own history, and it was not good. Suddenly, the main doors were busting against the frame, with yelling for the new demon coming from outside, and they had the entire building shaking. Very quickly, things went very downhill, but you were quickly pulled aside with a shadowy tendril and placed at the very back of the room, the tendril blocking you in with whatever furniture had become askew.

Of course. You were a liability. But he couldn’t very well instruct you out loud to stay safe, things were still on the down low. Like buried 20 feet deep down low. You peeked over the edge of a table that had been placed in front of you to watch the fight go down. Alastor had become…evil, to put it simply. Charlie was holding rage in at her fathers words, Vaggie was checking on staff. Pentious was running for his own eggboys to find cover. Truly never a dull moment here. You sat down and pushed yourself to the wall, hitting it with your back and pulling your knees up to your chest, holding them to you with your arms.

Almost as quick as it came, the noise was silenced. Clearly Alastor had promptly dealt with the threat, coming out a winner, and was correct about his capabilities regarding avoiding injuries. You stood up, and made eye contact with the Radio Demon, the slightest nod in approval coming from him. You climbed over the makeshift blockade, and headed towards the front door to join Angel and Husk outside. Charlie and her father had walked past you, Charlie clearly upset with him. You could tell another song was coming out, very personal this time, so you were eager to get a good distance away from it.

As you approached him, Angel had a sly smirk and a raised brow at you. “What's that look for?” You inquired, on the defence to his judgement.

”Well don’t you look fresh and clean as ever - don’t think I didn’t catch Smiles over there keeping you sa~fe.”

You scoffed in return. “Alastor is just a gentleman, he knows I’m an absolute klutz, remember how I busted myself up looking for you that one night? And then again when I missed the last step of the stairs and ate shit on my chin?” You were gesturing like a mad woman, hoping your quick and reasonable response would be believed. You only received a sceptical look in return. “Yea, I dunno if he’s that kind of a gentleman, doll. He generally doesn’t give a shit if any of us hurt ourselves. Look at Nif!” You didn’t have to look at the demon to know she was probably up to something no good.

“Nifty likes getting into trouble, and especially loves pain-“, “I love pain!” She interjected with a menacing laugh afterwards. “See! She’s a big fan. He’s simply a gentleman.” But Husk gave you a very sceptical look. He was suspicious.

“Keeping the fairer sex safe has always been a gentleman’s priority, Angel Dust. And this one in particular does like to get herself into trouble. I could not possibly allow any of our staff to be exposed to danger unwillingly.” He said, agreeing with your statement.

“You didn’t seem to give a shit about Mimzy, though.” Husk said, giving the taller demon a look with attitude.

Alastor hummed briefly, “Mimzy is more than capable of handling herself, Husker - I know her to be very capable of keeping herself safe. Why, it was why she came here! I am well known to take care of those who need help.” The look he gave the bartender was one of contention. The tension between the two was strong, and you and Angel were simply unwilling spectators in this battle. “Yea, but not without an exchange - you don’t do shit for free, everyone knows that too.” Alastors eyes thinned at him, and Husk shut his mouth after that, but it was clear he thought he had made a point before Alastor had turned on his chipper Radio persona to reply.

“I enjoy keeping people on their toes! It is a good way to keep the boredom at bay. Hah-hah!”

You breathed a small sigh of relief, avoiding eye contact from any of the men around you entirely. You watched as Lucifer gave Charlie a firm hug and left. The girl looked pleased as she informed Vaggie that they would be meeting in Heaven for a meeting. Hopefully things would continue to go her way.

Angel would simply not drop it though, just as you thought you and Alastor had made it out of the woods, he just started all over. “You got a thing for her, Smiles? You stare at her a lot too, don’t think I don’t catch ya all the time. Ya gotta crush?” Oh, Angel was just a couple drinks in already. Damn his weak constitution for strong liquor. The room became chilly, and Alastor went on a polite-ish tirade- “How dare you insult me with the notion of ever feeling anything for this pathetic creature other than pity. She is incapable of keeping herself out of trouble, but since Charlie seems quite fond of her it would do me no good to have her worry over this little doe. She is exactly as she appears - weak, scared, and lacking any form of self preservation. It is clear why she came to hell as a doe, because she is no better than basic prey. Think before you decide to insult me again.” Mmmkay. Not polite-ish at all.

“Ex-cuse me?!” You exclaimed, defensive. “You’re also a deer!” Ah yes great, what a good comeback. He sneered at you - “My appearance is laced with irony, my dear. You fulfilled your position on earth for what you are. I was simply cursed with my appearance as punishment. This is, after all, hell.” You made a few noises as interjection, but your face was beginning to burn with embarrassment. Alastor quickly turned away, obviously to avoid anyone getting a good look at his face flushing, announcing he needed to get up to his radio tower to be on time for his evening broadcast. “Such good news to be announced! I simply cannot leave anyone waiting for me!” And he swiftly disappeared into his shadows, leaving the 3 of you sitting at the bar amidst the mess. You jumped to your feet off the stool and did a little stomp and noise of frustration.

“How fucking dare him I- I swear, I’m gonna…UGH.” You grabbed your hair on either side of your head before running your hands down your face.

“What toots, what could you even do to him? He’s like, super spooky. And strong, you heard that broad earlier. He basically eats overlords for breakfast. Guess it’s easy bein’ a dick down here if you got no weaknesses.” Angel said, putting his glass on the counter and getting up himself to head upstairs.

Then it clicked. Oh-ho-ho. But he did have a weakness. A great big weakness. What a shame if someone were to abuse their power while said dick was perhaps engaged in something important…like being on the air. You laughed darkly, smiling wide. Pathetic, eh? Well, you could get him to your level. And it would be so easy, too. You turned on your heel and ran past Angel to the stairs, shouting goodnight to the lingering bodies in the foyer. You had a date with a broadcast.

Once upstairs you locked the door, and triple checked it was shut. You turned out most of the lights and turned on the warmest lamp for ambiance. Angel was always getting free PR from all sorts of businesses, most of them involved in the sex trade. And many of the free items were designed for people with a different set of sex organs than him. For some reason, about half of Hell thought Angel Dust was a girl, confused about the chest fluff. So not long ago Angel had ‘gifted’, i.e ‘ dumped’ a load of different vibrators and dildos your way.’No point lettin’em go to waste doll face!’ He had said, laughing at your red face once you had realised what he had given you. You had promptly thrown the box of intimidating items under your bed while he was trying to convince you rubbing one out was good for the soul. Something about ‘loving yourself’ being a very important step in redemption. Most nights, he was like a very annoying older brother who only made inappropriate jokes at your expense.

But tonight, oh-hoh, that box was coming out of the dark. You rifled through the objects, startled by some of the more…complicated items. Some had 2 wands, or curvy bits, some had 3 - all very intimidating. Your hand had landed on a smaller box, one with an easy to grab handle and a white rubber circle on one side at the end. You put the batteries in it, turning it on. Confused, since all your vibrators were pretty plain in the overworld, you put your hand to the white rubber. Oh! Ooohh~~.

Suction. Good god, hell thought of everything filthy, now hadn’t it? But already, just the thought of using it made you squish your legs together. You put it down on the bed. Everything needed to be perfect. You turned the radio in your room on, Alastors broadcast filling the silence. It was a musical interlude at this moment, which was perfect because you could assume he was just ignoring the little moment of arousal that passed through you just then. Putting the box and all of the more advanced items back under the bed, you stripped down and threw yourself under the covers.

Usually a date with yourself was a little more spontaneous. And not for such a vengeful reason, either. But the thought of getting him back like this, him knowing how you felt and what you were probably doing, the effect it would have on him was invigorating. And there was nothing he could do about it, either, he was not one to skip a broadcast. His ego simply wouldn’t allow it. You didn’t focus on the many ways that this could (would) blow up in your face. You were a little too excited in more ways than one now.

You started with feather touches on your clavicle, using the allusion of a faint hand being someone else’s to spark the match. You grazed over your breasts, lightly pulling on a nipple and bringing it to a peak. You put your fingers in your mouth, and pinched your nipple again, blowing cold air on it, resulting in a full body of goosebumps. By this time, Alastor was back on the air.

”Well was that not a swell piece of music? From a better time, I say! Now, focusing more on today’s great news of a meeting with the higher ups in heaven-“

Your fingers had drifted down your stomach to below your waistline and further. Small circles were being drawn on your upper thigh, heading in a spiral down to your core. You could feel how puffy you were getting, radiating heat under the blankets, and a finger rubbing over your slit bringing wetness up to your clit was clear that you were more turned on than usual. It had been a while, after all.

“-Morningstar is a…determined young lady-“ You inserted a finger, “*cough* how can we not follow in her stead? Give redemption a chance and-“ a second, only to come out and rub around your clit in a slow and steady circle. You had turned the little vibrator on at this point, bringing it down to your throbbing heat. “Come down to the …t-to the Hazbin Hotel! We’ve - hng -“

He lost his words just as soon as you had placed the little rubber ring around your clit, the strong sucking sensation making your hips jerk up from the over-stimulation immediately. You were certainly more sensitive in your new form over all, but sweet baby Jesus the sensations you were feeling were so strong you lost your breath.

As did Alastor. He coughed again, the noise coming out strong on the radio. “Apologies, listeners! It appears as if …as if our broadcast is having a diff-‘“ he took a haggard breath as you could feel the pressure building rapidly. This was accelerating far quicker than you had imagined. The toy was so strong that you didn’t even remember what the goal was anymore, it didn’t matter. Your arousal was hot and burning and it took over your mind entirely. You were matching Alastor's ragged breaths, his static taking over his voice in an attempt to cover his strange broadcast.

You were building up, up, up, until finally the dam from your little toy broke your walls down into a strong, powerful orgasm. Strongest one you have ever had. Your cunt was clenching, clit protesting at the continued abuse it was taking from the little rubber circle. You rode it out, lowering the speed as your jerking began to subside. You turned off the machine and just laid in the bed with arms at either side of your body. you could feel your wetness trailing down, surely leaving a patch of shame on your sheets.

Moments after your release, the static faded from the radio, with Alastor announcing “It appears as if we’ve had some interruption with our signal, save your ears for other nights, listeners!” Before ending the show abruptly with an upbeat jazzy instrumental. It wasn’t long before you heard a loud slam of something from the room right across the hall before you chuckled at your payback, dozing off to sleep. Best part, you thought as you were fading into slumber, was that he most certainly kept his smile through that entire ordeal. Payback can be a bitch.

And she was coming for you soon.

You wanted to play dirty? He could play dirty. You would need to be reminded not to mess with the Radio Demon…

Alastor was furious. Livid, he had thrown a few pieces of furniture into the swampy marsh within his room. How dare you compromise his show that way. To do something that…lewd as he was on the air? How very dare her. If you weren’t so intrinsically linked to his livelihood, he would skin you alive. He generally kept his mind off of such carnal pleasures, considering them a waste of time and energy - what was the point, anyway? One could not procreate in Hell as a sinner, so there was no reason why one should engage in sexual activities. That was what he thought for himself, anyway. And it had worked for him for nearly a century. Decades over the amount that you had been alive overworld! Seething, he shredded one of his sitting chairs, the stuffing shooting out of the claw marks. His antlers were proudly massive, body big, but his pants still had evidence of younterference with his night.

_____________

Buckle up readers, it is beginning. I’m reading like a thousand shitty romance books to figure out how writers can describe genitalia now my search history is ruined.

@queermaxwooo @drawings-by-meh @sirens-and-moonflowers @looking1016 @mo-0-o @blakeaha @mutifandomkid @ministarheaven @nightingale0603 @loadedwafflefries @rizzscary @bishiglomper @vividachromatic @fluffy-koalala @mkaella @readergirlstuff

#alastor #alastor smut #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel #alastor x ofc #alastorxreader #radio demon #radio demon smut #Alastor x reader smut #x you #x you smut #hazbin hotel fanfiction #fanfiction #hazbinalastor #Alastor x you #soulmates trope

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seresinhangmanjake · 7 months

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The One I Want: Part 3.5 - Jake POV

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Plus size!reader

Summary: You’re new in town and some guy named Jake is about to be your roommate. Being skeptical of new people keeps you lonely and uninterested in any entanglements, but Jake is desperate to change that.

Warnings: This chapter is written in first-person (warning you now so don't come for me later if it bothers you pretty please) Judgment related to weight. Cursing. Fluff. Angst. Eventual smut (alluded to/or other). Self-esteem issues.

Note: These Jake POV chapters are not necessary to read to understand or follow with the rest of the story!

Words: 1115 (i told ya it'd be shorter)

The One I Want Masterlist

Jake:

“If she doesn’t end up going for you, send her my way,” Javy whispers so only I can hear.

Turning sharply, I whack him upside the head. I tell myself it's mostly so Javy stops looking at you the way he is, but I know it’s also a way to release my frustration at realizing my brain is only the slightest bit faster than my instincts. My brain just barely held me back from instinctually snapping ‘mine’ the second you walked into the place and I saw the look on my friend’s face. But thankfully it did. Because you’re not mine. Not really. Not at all.

You don’t notice the smack, and Nat and Bradley have seen the same interaction enough to know it’s not genuine. Although, this time I can’t fully say that it isn’t. Their eyes find you and you blush under all four pairs; mine included, of course, since I can’t seem to manage to keep them off of you anyway. I don’t try anymore.

“H-Hi,” you say with a lick of nerves.

The look on your face screams ‘too much; too many people; too many eyes’, and I would instantly feel like an ass if it weren’t for the fact that when you agreed to meet them, you seemed happy about it. After a month and a half, you were finally willing to learn more about my life, integrate yourself into my world, and I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass me by. But seeing you now, in the aftermath of putting my excitement above your anxiety, the guilt creeps up on me.

“It’s good to see you again,” Nat says, carefully wiping away the deer-in-headlights expression off your face. Your shoulders settle and, albeit tentatively, you smile. The same smile I thought I would’ve grown immune to by now, but no. It still kicks my heart into overdrive in a way no other has.

And that’s the problem. That’s the thing not allowing me to surrender in my efforts to open you up to me. I just want more; crave it; each day contemplate how I can coax new pieces of you to the surface.

There was a brief period in those first three days when I prayed that what I saw in you was merely a challenge. A beautiful woman who doesn’t want me is rare, as ridiculously vain as it is to say. But it’s the truth. I know the game of cat and mouse well. The playful back and forth that inevitably ends up with the woman in my bed. And damn, did I want to play. But what I had allowed myself to assume was a need to conquer grew into genuine interest. It grew so quickly, in such an all-consuming manner, that I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I still don’t.

Instead, I act on impulse, and that usually leaves me doing what I must, asking what I must, to get to know you. At times, successfully. Others, not so much. Never before has the phrase ‘one step forward, two steps back’ applied so heavily to my life.

You ease yourself into the kitchen and Javy takes it upon himself to give you his name and wrap you up in a hug; muscled arms irritatingly just barely bigger than mine squeezing you tight. It’s returned, though much less enthusiastically.

When his arms have been around you far too long for my liking, my fingers fist in the back of his shirt and tug until he releases you.

“I’m Bradley,” my final friend—potentially my new best friend if Javy keeps his shit up—offers with a wave.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” you reply.

I feel my lips curve all on their own at the rising confidence in your voice. You entered, took a moment to adjust to the room and the people occupying it, and then found your footing. A familiar adapt-to-survive skill I am slowly learning you possess.

My friends smile, then look at me. Which is fair, considering the silence filling the room is my fault. I told them not to ask you too many questions. Not to pry into your past. Not to be too curious about your plans while you’re in the area. I left them with nothing and nowhere to go.

“How was your morning,” I ask.

“Good actually. I got a job.”

I stand a little straighter. “You did?”

I know I'm coming off a little too eager at that information, but it’s the first indication you’ve given that says you intend to stick around for a while. So far, you’ve not made an effort to find friends, you haven’t bought yourself anything that can’t fit in a backpack, and, until now, hadn’t found a job. It was a developing pattern that kept me in a state of wondering if I’ll wake one morning to find you gone. But if you got yourself a job then that has to be a good sign of things to come.

You nod. “It’s not much. Just cashier at the gift shop across from the beach, but at least I’ll be able to start paying you for last month's rent.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. You don’t have to pay me,” I say. Because it’s true. Having you around, knowing I come home to someone every day, is enough. And the reality of it is, I don’t need the money.

With a raised brow, Nat smirks, and I wonder if it’s too obvious. If I’m too obvious.

“I’m paying you, Jake,” you state with an edge of harshness that has ‘two steps back’ repeating in my brain. And before I can think to argue with you, you’ve muttered something about taking a shower and have disappeared into your room.

When I look back to the small group at the side, my brows dip in irritation. Nat is still smirking. Bradley is shaking his head. And Javy’s lips are pinched tight to hold in a laugh threatening to burst.

I sigh as I lean my weight against the countertop of the kitchen island. “What?”

“‘Oh, don’t worry. You don’t have to pay me,’” Bradley mocks in a voice much higher pitched than mine.

“You’re making fun of me for being nice?”

“No, No,” he corrects, glancing between Nat and Javy before once again meeting the glare in my eyes. “It’s just interesting. It was only two months ago that you were expecting Brit to pay rent and she had your dick inside of her a few times a week. She never even got a discount, but this chick lives here for nothing.”

A beat passes.

Then Javy’s laugh finally breaks free.

---

tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @rosiahills22 @oliviah-25 @xoxabs88xox @matisse556 @hardballoonlove @ssa-sadboi @lynnevanss @pono-pura-vida @tgmreader @amgluvsbooks @ravenhood2792 @djs8891 @shakespeareanwannabe @sailor-aviator @penguin876 @rogersbarnesxx @nani-kenobi @tgmavericklover @athenabarnes @elite4cekalyma @buckysteveloki-me @shelbycillian @kissmethric3 @fox-bee926 @hangmandruigandmav @waltermis @fandom-life-12 @a-serene-place-to-be @bruher @cehenyne @tngrace

#jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin x reader #top gun #jake seresin fic #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin fic #top gun hangman #jake hangman seresin x y/n #jake seresin x plus size!reader #tgm #tgm fic #jake seresin fluff #jake seresin angst #jake seresin fanfic #jake seresin fanfiction

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cleolinda · 1 year

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Re: being ADHD and breaking large tasks into molecule-sized actions,

there’s something I used to do and should probably start doing again. See, I can look around at a wreck of a room and not “see” individual objects. It all just looks like a painted stage backdrop to me, or a hidden-object game background. Maybe a couple of objects really stand out (like the one door in a bland flat room that a cartoon character is going to open), but I just get overwhelmed by the concept of THINGS. And that’s why I can’t start cleaning. Once an object leaves my hand and drops to the floor or lands on a chair, it is now Landscape.

So when I was REALLY desperate to clean, maybe on a specific time crunch (like the time there was a hole in my ceiling and people were going to ENTER MY HALLOWED ABODE to fix it), I would stand in the center of the room. And I would start talking to myself. Out loud. “WHAT IS ONE THING YOU CAN DO. PICK ONE THING. FIND A THING. YOU CAN DO IT. DO IT!! COME ONNNNN!!,” I would end up urging myself, much in the tone of Ellen Ripley screaming at an airlock not closing fast enough. And finally, I would spot something like a mostly empty box of crackers from seven months ago. “THROW IT AWAY. DO IT. GOOD, YOU DID IT!!”

That tiny spark of dopamine would help me loosen up; there would be less browbeating from that point. “Okay! What next! What can we do! LOOK IT’S AN EMPTY GIFT BAG” but I really want to save that “NOPE GOTTA GO THERE IT GOES.” You’re kind of play-acting a person who has executive functions at that point. But the Accomplishment Dopamine starts building. And pretty soon I would be bustling around picking up Things of my own volition. If I started balking again, I would keep asking myself, “What is the tiniest thing I can do next? Come on, you’re doing great, just go get the Box and keep going.”

See, I would also find a box of some kind, be it a storage container or the last delivery box I (obviously) didn’t throw away, and that would become the I Don’t Know Box. I achieved a lot of spare-room deep-cleaning this way. A key chain. Three stray game pieces. A perfectly good pad of Post-Its. An old coin purse. Mail I haven’t opened yet and probably never will. Where do they go? Fuck if I know, but that’s not my problem right now. Off you go into the IDK Box. Which can be shoved into some quiet corner to be konmari'd later. You either 1) know where an object lives, 2) you know it goes into the trash, or 3) you don’t know, and you make those three options as quick to enact as possible.

You can apply this to just about any hellaciously complex ordeal—talking aloud to force yourself to answer, which then becomes guiding yourself to answer, which then snowballs into getting into the flow of doing things (until you run out of function spoons for the day). “LOOK AT THE EMAIL. LOOK AT IT. ANSWER THE EMAIL. GOOD. MAKE THE PHONE CALL” noooo I hate the phone call “COME ONNNNNN!!!!” aaaaaaaa “YAY WE DID THE PHONE CALL.” And I really don't do this as often as I should, because it does actually work (for me). I know not everyone can do it--including me, much of the time—but it's an idea to add to the toolbox.

#neurodiversity #long post #I wrote this a few weeks ago and forgot to post it #COME ONNNNNNN

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7surugi · 1 month

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daybreak ｜ haitani ran x f!reader

[content] sfw, literally just comfort :], mentions of character deaths, nudity (taking a bath together), soft! ran, mostly ran-centric

[word count] 5.4k

[note] this was originally meant to just be a soft midnight beach scene but then i went a little overboard. this is my first time writing a reader insert, and i am quite happy with how this piece turned out !! (ㅅ´ ˘ `) <33 (after editing, i realized that i mentioned rindō a lot,,, i just miss him, sorry.)

The summer heat comes like it always does, waking up with sweat sticking to your skin, the humidity cuts your throat dry. Summer in Japan is not kind to you this year. You don’t have air conditioning hooked up in your studio, your old fan isn’t enough to keep you cooled down and you ran out of your favourite popsicles two days ago. It’s nearly impossible to focus on your studies when suffering from such heat.

Luckily, there is a family-owned café that is only a seven-minute walk from your place. You almost find yourself here every day out of habit, just finding comfort in the place. And you find yourself there now, three hours before noon, sitting near the entrance with textbooks sprawled out, drinking an iced coffee to wake your body.

The door opens, the shimmering of the wind chime sings gently, you glance up from your textbook, a random curiosity to see what type of person has entered the café.

You’re rather surprised, you don’t think you have ever seen someone so attractive before. He’s tall, you take note as he passes by you, walking towards the counter. A faint scent of lavender and bergamot follows him. You stare a little too long, lingering on the stranger, it’s not often when you see young people here during the early mornings.

It is not long when he notices and turns around to return your gaze, sending you a lazy smirk which makes you flush in embarrassment from getting caught. You turn your focus back to your textbook, reminding yourself that you have to study, you have more important things to focus on instead of a pretty stranger.

When he asks if he can sit with you, despite the place being empty, and even now, you don’t know why you ended up saying yes to him.

You meet Ran Haitani and he never once leaves your mind, with long braided hair and deep lavender eyes that you find yourself getting lost in, you don’t think you’ve seen someone with such a pretty eye colour before.

—

Ran often finds himself here, at a small family-owned café, sitting in front of you. He can’t count how many times he has seen you on both hands (he can, it’s a little less than ten, he remembers). He convinces himself that he comes here because he likes the way they make mont blancs, and partially to come and see you. He thinks you know of this, too.

You say you come here to study, he doesn’t understand why you would study in a place like this instead of home. But the more he comes here, the more he finds himself to actually like it. It is a little small compared to other cafés he is used to, but the moment he leaves, the wind chime tinkling as the door closes, a part of him wants to return, missing the scent.

And so, he returns, and every time he enters the café, lies you.

(He assumes this must be the reason you return too, it’s almost magical — and he snorts at his own choice of words.)

“You don’t talk much, do ya? It was like that last time.”

“I’m trying to study, Haitani.”

“Haitani? It’s Ran to you.”

“It’s Haitani when you annoy me,” you retort, brows furrowed as you shift your focus back to your textbooks. “Told you I need to study for the entrance exam… I can’t afford to fail it.”

Ran knows you can’t, but he also knows there’s always next year, and you probably wouldn’t appreciate hearing it from someone like him, but he believes that school isn’t everything.

Perhaps you’re desperate, he learned that after barely finishing high school (that you barely attended due to practice and tournaments), you didn’t take the university entrance exam, too busy focusing on your figure skating career. You say that things weren’t going how you thought it would — nothing more than that — your eyes are dull, a familiar sadness that flashes by.

“Don’t you have things to do? I know you’re rather… busy,” you are cautious as you say this, sending him a knowing look.

Ran smiles, deciding to divert the topic. He knows you know what he does, how recklessly he lives his life, and he has never once hid it from you, but he doesn’t want you to know any details. “I am busy, but not right now. Aren’t you happy seeing me? ‘m a bit hurt…”

“I like spending time with you, Ran. I really do, but not when I’m studying,” his smile drops into a thin line, hearing that almost hurts. And he realizes that maybe he really is distracting you during an important time in your life (but you also have a few months until the entrance exam, so believes you could give him a little bit more of your time, being too diligent isn’t a good thing — he reminds himself that it’s desperation that you’re chasing). “Maybe we can meet somewhere else when I’m not busy…”

His ears perk up at the comment, lips forming into a smirk as he fiddles with his fork, playing with half eaten mont blanc. “Oh, yeah? When are you free, sweetheart?”

Ran usually just sits and hangs out with you here, showing up unannounced, and over time you seem to be expecting him. Your pretty eyes lighting up as you smile so sweetly at him when he enters the café. Eventually, you begin to let him walk you home, always mentioning he doesn’t have to, but he insists, even if your apartment is only around five minutes away. One time he took you out for ramen, another time when you brought him home to eat instant ramen and make homemade dango together with your leftover rice flour and silken tofu.

The aquarium would be nice, he thinks you would like it. Or maybe a nice restaurant because he would like to show you his favourite spots he goes to with Rindō. Anywhere, really.

“I’m free on Saturday,” you softly say, not meeting his gaze as you pretend to write something down in your notebook.

“Alright, I’ll pick you up.”

Eyes trained on you, you still don’t glance at him, only slightly nodding as a small smile graces your face. He smiles, too.

He wishes you would look up. He wants to fully see your face, shy with blushed cheeks. He wants to see you.

It’s a feeling of normalcy; a luxury that Ran has almost forgotten until now. He feels like someone normal and regular, Ran is anything but normal. Sitting here, drinking sickening sweet tea and eating his favourite mont blanc as he watches you do your own thing. Ran is anything but normal, he doesn’t want to be normal, but with you, he guesses it’s alright.

If anything, he has gotten used to it.

—

On their shared computer (one that is kept in Rindō’s room), Ran finds himself glued to the screen, watching low quality videos of you figure skating. Ran doesn’t know much about sports that aren’t martial arts — often finding any sport unrelated to fighting rather boring. But something about this, or rather you, has his full attention, invoking an unknown (unfamiliar) feeling. He doesn’t have the words to explain it.

He moves the mouse, clicking onto a new video. It starts like all the ones before, introducing you, and then the piano slowly begins. So divine, captivating, he holds his breath as you glide across the ice so naturally, twirling close to the edge. He watches in deep admiration, he remembers attending Rindō’s jiu-jitsu tournaments when they were children, always cheering his brother on from the crowds, he wishes he could have cheered for you too.

On the empty ice rink, the lights are shining for you and only you.

It’s enchanting.

Another video is a younger you with tears welled up in your eyes, relief and frustration at the silver medal that hangs around your neck. It all glistens as the light shines down on you, twinkling against the medal.

And like everything in the world, money rules over all. Ruling over with an iron fist. It shines so vividly, it’s almost blinding. From silver to bronze to nothing. He can sense your anger, the unfair bitterness that wells up inside of you, the tears you desperately hold back, yet you force yourself to smile. So prettily, he almost falls for it, it almost eases his own anger at your injustice.

Always smiling, the smile of an angel.

—

Saturday’s date never comes. Kakuchō calls him up saying there’s a sudden emergency meeting. Details are still a blur, pieces are missing, but South wants everyone at Rokuhara Tandai’s hideout before evening hits.

He called you two hours ago, telling you that something important came up and that he would like to take you out another time. You being you, always so sweet and understanding towards him says it’s okay. The disappointment you try to hide in your voice is evident, and his heart feels heavy. He tells you he is sorry and you tell him it’s okay because sometimes things happen unexpectedly.

Rindō barges into his room, his uniform is half on, asking him to do his hair. He feels his brother’s stare, rather intense, and Ran grows annoyed by the minute.

“What’s your problem? Don’t wanna go today? I think South and Kakuchō would get pissed if we bailed.”

“I know, I know. South would come for our asses.”

“Then what is it? You’ve been frowning all day and I know it wasn’t me. I was mostly in my room.”

“It’s just the shitty weather,” he replies with a heavy sigh.

Rindō makes a face, looking at him quite dumbly. “It’s sunny out?”

Ran just looks at him and sighs again. Louder. Rindō wouldn’t understand his woes.

(He can’t tell Rindō about you just yet. You’re his little secret, a safe place for him, his paradise — though, he is sure Rindō knows something is up. Rindō knows his heart well enough.)

“So are you gonna do my hair or not?”

“Obviously, I am. C’mere. Can’t have my baby brother looking like a mess.”

He breaks out into a grin the moment Rindō gets annoyed and hits him on the arm — not hard enough to leave a bruise, but hard enough for Ran to loudly groan at the impact and attempt to swing back at him (he swears he misses on purpose). His previous annoyance vanishes as he play fights with his brother.

There is a downpour that night, raining crimson red.

—

Grey skies, clusters of clouds forming together, and the humidity sticks to his pale skin. The storm has long passed, sweeping violence, lulling it back to the sea. Rindō is out today, meeting a few friends, probably causing trouble, or kissing pretty girls. Ran doesn’t know, barely registering his brother’s words earlier due to being half-asleep.

Technically they’re supposed to be laying low after the battle between Rokuhara Tandai versus Brahman verus Kantō Manji Gang; ‘the Battle of Three Deities’, is what people call it, and Ran likes the name very much. However, instead of laying around at home as he often finds himself doing, he finds himself on the other side of Roppongi, knocking on the door to your cheap studio.

He doesn’t understand why he drags himself here, he’s still exhausted from everything and he wants nothing more than to just sleep, to forget everything.

It’s less than a minute when you open the door, your eyes slightly widen at his unannounced arrival.

You look as if you had just woken up, a mess, and Ran finds you beautiful. There’s something so mesmerizing in raw beauty, something he finds so beautiful in you. His gaze softens once he sees your heavy eyes, brimmed-red, and he feels a sudden urge to hold you. To keep you close.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hey, you alright?”

The two of you smile, bursting out laughing for a few seconds at speaking the same words at the same time. You take a small breath, shaking your head, saying, “you go first, Ran. I asked first.”

“Hm? I believe I did. Ladies first.”

“Ran.”

He notices that you say his name a lot more these days, rolling off of your tongue so sweetly, so naturally, it almost doesn’t feel like his name.

Ran, Ran, Ran.

He loves the way you say it despite hearing his name being said a thousand times before.

Your hand wraps around his wrist, tugging him inside. He closes the door behind you both, eyes never leaving you; watching as he follows right behind you, trained on your messy hair and back.

“An acquaintance of mine died the other day,” he casually blurts out. Acquaintance is probably not the right word — friends is definitely the wrong one. South was an interestingly strong guy; beating the shit out of S-62 generation, resulting in them falling in line behind him, the only one capable of handling their brutality — or at least that’s what they said to him. He is someone Ran spent a lot of time with, someone he didn’t particularly like or dislike. He can’t put his finger around it.

You pause, turning around the moment the words spill from his lips. “Oh, Ran… I’m sorry. Are you alright?” You ask, genuine worry across your face, eyebrows furrowed as you attempt to search in his eyes. “No, sorry, that was such a stupid question…”

“No, no. It’s not stupid.” He is quick to hush, appreciating your concern, but he doesn’t want to worry you. He didn’t come here for that. “‘m alright. Trust me. I just felt the need to come and see you.”

“I’m here for you. I am so sorry about your friend… why don’t you go and sit down? I’ll make you that tea you like. I can’t make it like the café does, but…”

After Izana passed away, Ran felt something inside him shatter, despite not being super close to the boy — or rather, the boy not allowing any of them to get close. A wall of steel surrounding him and his lonely heart. He really admired him, he thinks he always will. Ran felt lost. Mutō who randomly disappeared the moment he was released from juvie, only for his remains to be found near the Tokyo bay area, and now South who had also been killed… Ran doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel. He feels nothing and maybe that’s what scares him.

And if something were to happen to him, especially Rindō—

No, no, no. He shouldn’t think that way.

He steps closer to you, lifting his other hand to brush a strand of hair from your face. You lean forward into his touch. “It’s alright. I already had somethin’ to drink before I got here,” he tells you. “Now how ‘bout you tell me what’s wrong with you? You look terrible, sweetheart.”

“Geez, thank you for pointing it out, Haitani. Not everyone can look nice everyday.” Your words make him smile, he knows he looks good everyday. Your gaze turns down, not wanting to meet his eyes as your expression drops. Your lips twitch, forcing yourself to slightly smile. “I… I just don’t know what I’m doing,” voice barely above a whisper, barely found, so Ran loosens his wrist from your grip to grab your hand, holding it tightly within his.

Your breathing is slow and jagged, almost as if you are holding back the oxygen you desperately need. Ran feels as if he can feel your heavy heart and how irregularly it beats.

He squeezes your hand a little tighter and you wince.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to squeeze you so hard…” he rubs circles against the back of your hand with his thumb over and over again. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Huh? Now? Where are we going?”

“Yes, right now.”

You protest, turning your head away from him, “I’m not even dressed and you didn’t—”

He softly sighs, raising both hands to cup your face. He gently squishes your cheeks together, your pretty lips forming a pout and you frown at the action. Ran smiles, saying, “you look pretty. You always do. Let’s go, okay?”

“… Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I said okay, Ran.”

The two of you board the evening train and go to a deserted beach hours away from the city. Just the two of you.

—

The road ahead is too dark, foggy and you cannot see anything, even yourself. It’s a scary thing to be alone. The waves are awfully calm, lulling you in with a terrifying silent noise. It’s the call of the void and you’re afraid to drown. You think it might rain, or so you thought it would earlier, yet it never came.

Maybe the rain will come once more tonight.

“I watched it, those videos of you.” Ran’s voice breaks you from your train of thoughts, you take in his words, his comforting presence, and swallow down your bleak thoughts.

You tilt your head in confusion at his vague words, “huh?”

“The videos posted of you skating. I think I saw most of ‘em.”

“Oh… well, what did you think of them?”

You feel rather embarrassed about it, you don’t know why though, millions of people have seen you ice skating before. You can’t bring yourself to watch them anymore. This bitterness only continues to bottle up inside of you. As fresh as these wounds may be, you wish they would hurry and fade, you don’t ever want to remember it. Not yet, at least.

Ran lowly hums, it mixes in with the gentle evening breeze. “Wish they were higher quality. You looked like a little snow fairy dancing around. The way you skate is so pretty.”

You huff a laugh, biting your lip, snow fairy, Ran always says such weird things. However, your chest feels warm at those words, heart fluttering, you wonder if Ran really does see you as something so pure. So divine.

“But I noticed at a point you stopped looking so happy, almost like you were just forcing yourself. You looked as if you were just waiting for the pain to pass.” Ran’s comment pierces your heart and aches. You don’t like how Ran always sees through you, his gaze is so intense, too observing, and you have to force yourself to not look away.

“I really loved it,” you confess. Figure skating was all you’ve ever known. “I really, really loved it,” you repeat, not to Ran, but to yourself.

“I know. I could tell.” He says it through sleepy hooded eyes, his signature lazy smile.

Ran’s words are so simple, yet you always feel so seen by him. It sort of scares you, being known completely by another. You think Ran is someone who would accept you no matter what. You wonder why.

(You do not understand your own question, because ever since you first met him and now, you accept Ran no matter what. You always will.)

The sun has long set, passing by with a blink of an eye during the train ride here, the sky grows darker and darker.

“Were you close to him?” You find yourself asking. “The person who passed away,” you add on for clarification.

“Not really,” immediately replies Ran.

“Oh… are you sad?”

“No, not really.”

“Oh, okay. That’s good.”

You don’t press more on the matter. Ran will only be vague when it comes to those things, despite your worries. There are sides of him he doesn’t want you to see, the ones that tie to him and his borderline cruelty. You can understand this about him and his silent wish to keep you away from his world.

There’s a constant buzzing, Ran takes out his phone, flipping it open as he squinting at the small screen. “Hm? Hold on, it’s Rin… gimme a second,” he says, fiddling with his keypad as he types a reply (or two from how long it seems to take him).

“He said he’s gettin’ lazy so he is gonna crash at a friend’s place tonight,” Ran says, always reporting what his brother does to you. Something you find so endearing, because you never met Rindō, but you feel like you have known him your entire life. You think Ran is so sweet, Rindō must be an angel from how Ran’s eyes soften when he mentions his name (even when the stories he tells are embarrassing ones that Rindō doesn’t know about, teasing his brother, yet his eyes speak so fondly. Light falls back into lavender when he laughs about an old memory that only they know, and now you).

You don’t know Rindō yet. You only know he loves bourbon, working out and partying with his friends, DJing, and that he has a huge collection of CDs that Ran thinks you would really like. Rindō is Ran’s precious little brother, he loves him very much, and you think you like him too. You hope you can meet him one day. You really do.

“You’ll be lonely tonight, Ran,” you tease.

“I won’t. I have you.”

You want to believe Ran is teasing you back, it sounds like it, but you know Ran isn’t teasing you despite the light tone. The look in his eye is so sincere and warm, a shiver runs over you when you realize you can read him so clearly, his usual unreadable self is nowhere in sight at this very moment.

“You so wish you did…”

Ran’s smile lets you know that he knows that’s not true. It makes your face heat up and you shyly avoid his gaze, immediately turning away. You know this only makes his smile turn into an amused smirk.

(He has you, he really does. You already placed the key to your fragile heart in the palm of his cold hands.)

—

As night falls, it is a quarter till midnight when Ran takes you to a ryokan after the two of you dined at a local restaurant (it’s quite fortunate that there are still rooms available, Ran pays for one room for the both of you to share). The two of you don’t go home tonight, Ran thinks you expected it because you show no sign of shock or resistance when entering the traditional inn. It’s been a while since he’s last been to an onsen; the first and only time being with Rindō and a few members of S-62, back when most of them were first released from juvenile detention. It’s been a long time since then, the air is rather nostalgic.

One of the inns’ attendants leads the two of you to your room, a little far from the entrance. The room is simple, one you would expect to see in a traditional inn, it’s cozy, reminding him of the countryside he had visited once so long ago; a fleeting memory. Ran is rather exhausted, wanting nothing more than to lay down your futons together and sleep the night away.

It’s unfortunate that sea salt sticks to his skin, grains of sand he feels in his hair. He desperately needs to bathe, to relax, and so do you.

One of the private onsens is unbooked – a medium one outdoors – Ran suggests it, anticipating your answer, and despite his own hopes, he’s surprised when you agree to it, only if Ran promises not to look, and of course, he promises.

Entering has his heart racing, you two quietly wash yourself, making random small talk to avoid the awkward tension.

You remind him many times not to peek, he promises to you again and again that he won’t, but he did accidentally catch a glimpse of you wrapped in a white towel and that leaves very little to the imagination.

A million thoughts flood his mind, his self-consciousness trying to rack for anything to help him, to stop his mind from going down the gutter. Seeing you like this, so close within his vacancy, is driving him insane. Nobody can blame him for feeling this way, he’s a healthy young man, a simple man, and the prettiest girl he’s ever seen is naked beside him. It’d be more insane if he wasn’t going crazy.

Though, he has always been good at self-control. And he won’t do anything you aren’t ready for. He enters the water first, sighing in relief.

Embarrassing memories of Rindō flood his mind. A younger and cuter Rindō, all shit faced and wobbly from trying his first shot of alcohol. A memory of Tenjiku’s ramen eating competition that ended with Mocchi throwing up on Shion’s brand new shoes. A memory of him and Rindō arguing over everything and nothing on a staircase that led to both of them falling down, sustaining injuries and one with a sprained wrist — a moment of silent agreement between them in telling others it was from a batshit crazy fight from a group of random delinquents that stepped into Roppongi.

The memory of it all makes him scrunch up his face in sheer embarrassment at his younger self. How embarrassing… he wishes he didn’t recall it.

Water splashing, the sound of you entering the bath causes him to open his eyes, instantly frowning at the distance between the both of you.

“Why are you sitting so far away?”

“Why would I sit closer?” You sink deeper into the water, holding onto the towel around your body tighter, mumbling something about being naked underneath your breath.

Ran rolls his eyes. “I think you are too far away from me,” he replies before asking, “may I come closer then?”

His eyes stay on you, your cheeks are flushed due to the heated water and this situation. You shyly look at him through your lashes, nodding. He breaks out smiling once you agree, standing up to move closer to you, taking a keen note on how your eyes flicker up and down, trailing along the ink on his body before you turn your head towards the opposite direction. How cute, he thinks, amused by your actions, your expressions enticing something in him.

“There,” he hums in satisfaction before teasing, “now you can take a better look at my tattoos, hm?”

“Ran!”

“What? I saw you looking and I don’t blame you one bit. I am quite proud of my tattoos and my body.”

“I think you are imagining things…”

“And I think you are in denial, sweetheart.”

You scoff at him, rolling your eyes as you lean back against the rock to relax. Ran does the same, closing his eyes as peace slowly begins to wash over him, all of his worries disappearing, melting into the water.

“Thank you.”

He tilts his head, opening his eyes to look at you. “Hmm? For what?”

“For everything,” you simply say. “You have the heart of an angel, Ran.”

Ran slowly blinks, ignoring his racing heartbeats that clog his throat. “Are you stupid?” Slightly shocked by his own bluntness, not meaning for those words to escape his thoughts.

You giggle, turning your gaze down to the water, watching as it slightly ripples through small movements. “I probably am… considering I find Roppongi’s top delinquent such a sweet guy.”

You are definitely a strange one, he’s thought this since your second meeting. Ran knows he is not someone sweet — he is someone rather cruel and selfish, only caring about himself and a few selective people. He rules with blood stained hands and he knows you should know that too. He is a little worried that someone will take advantage of your pure heart if he isn’t around.

“Maybe it’s ‘cause ‘m only sweet to you.”

He expects you to look away from him, but you don’t. You smile at him, your eyes glimmering against the starry night sky; shimmering with something he has never once seen before. In his mind, there’s a click, wishing to capture you in this moment forever.

“Yeah, maybe…” He thinks you look so pretty right now (well, he always does). You look so lovely in this light. “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

Your words catch him off-guard once again, leaving his heart is racing and he hopes his cheeks aren’t as red as he knows his ears are. You have this strange effect on him, leaving him with many mixed emotions that he has never felt before.

There are many things Ran wishes to say, things he knows he won’t say, and things he can’t say.

You’re rather adorable, thinking of forever with him. Voicing your silly little thoughts and Ran finds it all incredibly sweet, this wishful thinking.

Another thing is that there is no such thing as forever; no matter how deeply you wish for it, your little hands aren’t enough to hold something so big — Ran learned this the hard way. Always striving for something more, barely holding onto the things that he already had. The only thing remaining is Rindō, always Rindō, and Roppongi that sits perfectly in both of their hands.

Maybe he could hold you too.

Forever sounds nice. Living in daydreams with you for all time.

“Me too,” he ends up saying, indulging you. (He hopes you mean it and in his heart, he knows you do.)

Ran doesn’t like to think so hard on things, especially life, since it will do nothing good. But he does believe humans can only live for something; they need something to keep moving forward, just like how he does. He doesn’t want you to become someone so empty — aimlessly wandering to feel something again. Ran is surrounded by life and death, dull and lifeless eyes, and broken dreams crushed beneath the sea of pessimism. He has seen this many times, in the eyes of everyone he has ever known. Ran doesn’t want you to end up the same way. He has too much on his back already, but if you can stand on your own he could stand beside you.

Overwhelmed by everything this world gives to you, you feel so small and alone, as if the sun may never rise again. You cry. So silently and the relief and heart ache Ran feels for you is so intense. Seeing you cry doesn’t feel good, neither does knowing you keep trying to hold back your tears.

He instantly moves a little closer, wrapping a heavy arm around your shoulders, taking in the scent of the inn’s shampoo, faintly sweet of lavender and vanilla, matching the one he had also used. Your scents mix into one. He leans his head on yours, eyes flickering from you to the distant waning moon.

Only the sound of your quiet sniffles, the gentle waves and the occasional owl calling out can be heard tonight.

“I’m scared, Ran,” you mumble, voice muffled by your arm as you hide your face.

Ran would never voice those concerns out loud, unlike you, you’re brave in a different way he has never seen before. Being so open and vulnerable in this moment, he is almost envious. Showing weakness has never done him any good, the moments he has, it’s always been used against him.

“I know,” replies Ran, his arm moving down to your waist as he pulls you closer and you are almost sitting on his lap. You’re settled a little awkwardly on his legs, the towel around your body shifts, falling down at the sudden moment, creating a ripple in the water. Your legs are fully pressed against his, he can fully see and make out your body, the droplets of water that drips down your shoulder and chest. You are completely bare in front of him and Ran can see everything. Strangely, it does not feel sexual, it feels more intimate and pure than anything he has ever known. Ran wishes to be closer. “And you’ll be okay. I know you will be. Have a little more faith in yourself, baby.”

With one hand, he cups your cheek, lifting your head to gently wipe away your tears. They attempt to fall against your cold cheeks, Ran catches them, the stars and himself are captured within them and your eyes.

Beneath the sea of stars, the world sleeps ever so quietly; Ran kisses you so softly and you kiss him back.

Dawn that you are so desperately wishing for is nowhere in sight, not yet, it will come around soon. He kisses you again and again and again.

(Ran shows you that you are not alone.)

Ran knows that he will introduce you to Rindō one day. Soon. And he knows Rindō will love you. His girl. His lovely angel.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #ran haitani #ran haitani x reader #haitani ran #tokyo revengers fluff #writing

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moviesismylife · 5 months

Text

Cabin shenanigans

(Bat boys x f!reader)

Summary:

Where a game of “truth or strip” with the bat boys at the cabin, leads to a bit more…

Warnings:

18+, SMUT, oral giving!receiving, shower $ex

Mentions of alcohol

Nudity

Tropes

Poly!bat boys

Friends w benefits

Note:

Aaahhh this is my first time writing smut, so please be kind🙏🏼. I LOVE reading poly bat boys fics, like just being worshipped by all of them😩. Living my fantasy out. Also it’s mostly just reader being absolutely spoiled by them;)

Enjoy x

Y/n

I take a sip of my drink as I lounge on one end of the couch.

“Why don’t we do something more exciting?” Cassian suggest from where he sits in an arm chair across from me.

“Like what Cass?” Rhys asks looking at him questionably.

He’s sitting on the other end of the couch I’m in, also drink in hand.

“Like truth or dare” he suggests.

“That’s so boring” I whine.

“Yeah I agree with y/n. Isn’t there something a bit more…spicier?” Azriel asks from where he’s also sitting in an arm chair.

Me, Cassian and Rhys all raise our eyebrows at him, as he isn’t exactly the one to suggest these kind of things.

“What did you have in mind Az…” Rhys questions him.

“I don’t know…like maybe…dare or…strip?” He suggests.

I choke on my drink, and Cassian is just grinning widely. Of course he is. Rhys is smirking a little.

“Did you say strip?” I ask for confirmation.

“What? Are you a coward y/n?” Cassian asks me, raising his eyebrow.

I throw a pillow at him, and the other two just snicker.

“Fine I’m in” I say, chugging the rest of my drink.

Then I refill it to the top. I’m gonna need a lot of alcohol if I’m gonna be able to not get flustered.

“Okay I start” Cassian says.

“Rhys I dare you to fly around the mountains utterly naked…or strip” he smirks at Rhys.

“I do not wanna get up right now…so I guess I’ll have to lose something” Rhys answers as he puts his glass down.

Then he moves to remove his shirt, leaving him bare chested. He could have removed anything else. Seriously?

My gaze drops to his muscular torso covered in Illyrian tattoos.

“You’re drooling y/n” Cassian says, and I close my mouth that has unintentionally dropped wide open.

“Fuck you Cass” I say, flipping him off.

“It’s alright darling. Nothing you haven’t seen before right?” Rhys asks me and I roll my eyes at him.

Again he chuckles.

“Okay my turn. Cassian I dare you to…make out with Azriel” I say smirking at him.

“Say less” Cassian says as he heads over to Az and grabs his face to smash their lips together.

Azriel tumbles back but Cassian goes all the way in. I see how incredibly hungry the kiss is. Cassian is devouring him.

“Okay that’s good Cass. Looks like Az has had enough” Rhys comments.

I just smile to myself and take another sip of my drink.

As Cassian finally pulls away, Azriel seems very shocked and flustered. But not surprised. Cassian has been obsessed with him for years.

“Y/n let me ask you one” Azriel says, directing his attention to me.

“Alright” I say, putting my glass down.

“I dare you to tell us who you find the most attractive out of the three of us” he finishes.

“That is cruel” I say, narrowing my eyes at him.

“It’s the game. Do it or strip” he shrugs.

I can’t answer this question. Simply because I do not know the answer. I’ve known them since I was a child. And I find all of them equally attractive.

I don’t say anything as I just remove my socks.

All three of the boys give me an annoyed look, and I quirk an eyebrow at them.

“What?” I ask.

They don’t even answer.

“I removed a piece of clothing didn’t I?” I say knowingly before taking a large sip of my drink again.

“Alright sweetheart. Let me ask you another” Rhys says as he looks at me.

“It’s Azriel’s turn” I protest.

“I’ll do it after you” Azriel says, as I curse him for letting Rhys ask me another.

I turn my attention back to Rhys and he gives me a slight smile.

“I dare you to take off your sweater” he smirks knowingly.

“What? That’s not fair. You’re cheating” I whine as the others just grin at me.

“Do it or take off another piece of clothing” Cassian tells me, and I roll my eyes again.

So I decide to just take off my sweater, leaving me in my bra and sweatpants.

Now it’s their time to gawk. All their eyes trail over my chest, and my lace black bra.

“Hey eyes up here dickheads” I snap at them.

They live their gazes up to meet mine and I can’t help but blush a little.

“Alright Az…I dare you to…leave a hickey on Rhys’s neck” I say with a mischievous smile.

Rhys seems every eager to this dare, but Azriel just takes his shirt off instead. Now he is also bare chested. Just great.

——————

I am now only in my underwear and so are the three Illyrian males.

“I say we stop here, before it goes too far” I suggest, as I don’t need them to see me naked.

Cassian has the audacity to whine, and I roll my eyes at him.

“Why don’t we go out in the snow instead?” Rhys suggest and I just look at him weirdly.

“It’s freezing” I say.

Azriel just smiles smugly. Then Cassian grins as well.

They all look at each other, communicating somehow before they turn to me.

“What. You’re scaring me” I question them all.

Then Cassian moves over to me, lifting me up under my arms. Rhys moves forward and grabs a hold of my legs and I immediately protest.

I kick my feet and slap my hands in the air, but they don’t seem to even notice.

Then they walk me outside into the dark cold and throw me into the snow. Azriel following close behind.

“Fuck!” I yell as the ice cold snow hits my skin. I immediately get up to rid myself of it, but I’m already soaked in it. Even my hair.

“You bastards. You’re so dead” I say as I lean down to make a snowball.

As they notice I do this, they start to make their own.

I throw mine right at Rhys’s chest, and he looks at me wickedly. Fuck.

Then I’m bombarded with snowballs hitting me, as I run away screaming.

“No fuck- stop- I’m sorry- don’t- please” I manage to get out in attempts to run away.

I don’t notice Azriel as he wraps his large arms around my middle, lifting me up.

“No…Az…” I warn him, but then Cassian smashes a snowball onto my head.

I let out a moan of pain. That makes them stop what they’re doing immediately.

Then Azriel lets me down, but keeps his hands on my bare stomach.

“I’m not staying out here, it’s fucking freezing” I say as I manage to get out of his grip, and run inside the cabin again.

I hear several footsteps following me inside, as I head into the sauna.

I perch myself on one of the benches on the second step and close my eyes at the heat.

Then I hear a door opening, and immediately smell their intoxicating scents.

They all settle beside, in front, and behind me. Then I open my eyes.

Cassian is at my right side. Rhys is in front of me, his back facing my legs. And Azriel is behind me, his legs spread out beside my frame. Making my upper body stay trapped in between his strong calves.

“Hello princess” Cassian says as he tucks some hair behind my ear.

“Hello Cass” I answer him nonchalantly.

He moves his fingers from my ear, down to my shoulder, and then down my arm, along my sides resting it at my bare thigh.

I close my eyes again, trying to not pay too much attention to the three muscular Illyrians sitting around me.

Suddenly I feel a few fingers in my hair, playing with some strands. Azriel.

I lean my head back to give him more access. And he immediately takes it. He starts to rub at my scalp, massaging it. That earns him another moan from me. But one of relief.

Again all of them freeze in time, like they’ve seen death.

I open my eyes yet again, to find them all staring at me.

Rhys has turned his head around and is gawking at me. I can feel Cassian’s piercing stare from beside me. And Azriel’s gaze I can always feel. But also the fact that his hands have stopped moving.

“What is it? Why’d you stop Az?” I question him, as I turn my head around to look at him.

“You need to stop making those sounds” he says sternly.

“What sounds” I ask genuinely confused.

“Those moans of yours darling. They’re insufferable” Rhys says from in front of me.

I turn my face to him.

“It felt nice. Azriel’s hands” I clarify.

“I bet they felt extremely nice” Cassian says grinning.

I turn to him this time.

“What do you mean Cass?” I ask him innocently.

He starts to move his hand on my thigh, higher, very fucking slow.

“I mean y/n. That if you’re going to make those beautiful sounds. You shouldn’t be surprised by what that does to us” he explains, his gaze darkening with hunger.

As his hand reaches my inner thigh, right where my hip meets the top, I draw in a sharp breath.

I feel something in my stomach heating at his touch.

“What do you mean” I repeat, even though it’s not really a question.

“Look down” he answers with a sly smirk, and I do.

I look right down to his huge boner. Fuck me. He’s hard as steel. From one little moan from me?

I can’t help but gawk at it, my mouth falling open, and my lips parting. I feel my mouth dry out, at the look of it. I can’t even see his cock, but I know it’s big, from his undershorts.

“You gonna take care of that darling?” Rhys asks from, still in front of me, his hand now slowly up my other leg.

Azriel’s hand has started to move down the side of my face, towards my neck.

I choke on my spit.

“I uhm…what…I thought we were just…I should go to bed” I manage to get out, sprinting to my feet.

But as I hit the floor, Rhys wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me down onto his lap. Right onto his own hard erection. What the actual fuck.

My back is in touch with his chest, and my hands go to his thighs as a reaction to steady myself.

Then his nose moves to brush against my neck and ear, and he leans in to whisper lowly.

“Where do you think you’re running off to?”

I don’t even answer him, as his mouth trails over the sensitive skin of my neck.

I let out a moan again. But this time of pleasure.

“Fuck y/n. I said stop doing that” Azriel groans form behind us.

“She can’t help it Az. My mouth feels to good on her skin” Rhys answers him.

Then out of instinct, I turn around, grounding myself on Rhys’s lap, my thighs draping over his own, and my hands curving around his neck.

He lets out a breath of surprise, but places his palms on my hips anyways.

Then I lean down to his mouth, so that they’re brushing against his barely.

“I really should go to bed…” I whisper.

“You’re not going anywhere love” he whispers back, before smashing his lips onto mine.

I smirk as I kiss him roughly back, my hands immediately tangling in the base of his hair.

I roll my hips into his, and he lets out a feral growl.

“Fuck y/n…”

I let out a moan myself, our mouths parting slightly.

But he pushes my hips forward, repeating the action, earning another moan from both of us.

As I keep grinding my hips into his, I throw my head back, my mouth falling open.

He takes that as an opportunity to smash his lips onto my neck, sucking and biting at my skin.

“Fuck Rhys…” I moan slightly as he leaves a love bite on my neck.

“My name sounds so good coming from your lips darling…” he speaks into the skin of my neck, as he continues to leave marks.

As Rhys devours me, my hips still moving into his, I open my eyes to meet Cassian’s gaze.

He’s eyeing me with hunger. His expression says nothing but lust, and he tilts his head to look at me properly.

I keep eye contact with him, as he moves slowly towards me and Rhys. He settles down on the bench beside us, his right coming in touch with both of ours.

With that Rhys withdraws from my neck and turns his head to the side to see Cassian.

“Couldn’t wait could you Cass?” Rhys asks him.

“I want my name to roll of her tongue as well…” he answers keeping his gaze on me.

My arms are still draped around Rhys’s neck, my fingers playing with his hair. Rhys is now rubbing soothing circles on my waist unconsciously.

“Then you’re gonna have to put that mouth to other use Cassian�� I speak up, and both their gazes snap to me.

“You sure you’d want that princess?” Cassian quirks an eyebrow at me.

I roll my eyes at him, and move his hand to my thigh. Rhys just smiles knowingly.

“Why don’t you get comfy on Rhys’s lap sweetheart?” Cassian asks me as he moves off the bench.

I do as he says, and turn around again, my back facing Rhys’s chest. Cassian moves to the ground in front of me, kneeling in between me and Rhys’s thighs.

I feel two large hands wrap around my waist, holding me tightly. I lean my head back into Rhys’s neck, and he gives my cheek a loving kiss.

Then I feel Cassian’s hands trail up my legs smoothly. My own hands move to Rhys’s on my waist, clasping them on top of his.

The hands on my legs move further up, tracing the inside of my thighs. I inhale a sharp breath.

Then one of Cassian’s hands traces the outline of my underwear, and I whimper.

“Shh darling…Cassian hasn’t even started yet” Rhys says comfortingly into my ear.

Then Cassian pulls back, tying his hair up in a bun. Cauldron boil me.

My legs instantly spread wider as a response and he grins widely.

“You’re gonna have to remove this pretty little thing” Rhys says again, as he moves a hand to my underwear.

I only lift my hips in response and Rhys drags them right off me and onto the floor.

Cassian’s mouth drops open, and he stares.

“Cauldron you have a beautiful cunt. And it’s already so drenched” he speaks as he moves closer.

His hands land on my thighs, keeping my legs wide apart. And then his tongue latches onto my slick folds.

I throw my head back into a loud moan, as he drags his tongue through them.

“You taste so good…” he growls into my wet cunt, and I grab into Rhys’s hands.

Rhys just kisses my neck in response, leaving even more love marks.

Then Cassian’s tongue slides into me, and I moan again.

He swirls it inside my cunt, lapping and sucking kisses onto it. Then his fingers join in, once circling itself around my clit.

“Cassian…” I moan into the open, my nails digging into his hair.

His tongue continues to play with my drenched cunt, as his finger circles my clit. I feel heat building up in my core.

My hands tangle themselves into Cassian’s hair as he pushes a finger into me.

That makes me push his head further into me, earning me a feral growl from him.

As I keep pushing his face into my dripping cunt, he lets out several vibrating groans.

I feel myself closing around him. Only a few more moments now.

Rhys notices my squirming and decides to place a hand onto my clothed bra. Running his fingers over my peaked nipples, I let out a moan.

Cassian keeps pushing his face further into me, his finger curling and twisting inside me. The other circling my sensitive bud in a rapid motion.

“I can’t hold it-“ I whimper, as my thighs start shaking.

“Soak his face darling…” Rhys motivates me, as Cassian grips harshly onto my thighs.

His fingers dig into the flesh of my skin, surely leaving bruises. But I don’t care.

I don’t care at all, as I let myself go freely. My whole body twitching with pleasure, and my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

“Fuck!” I cry out in pleasure, as I spill onto Cassian’s tongue.

I keep squirting into his mouth, and he takes it all. His fingers pull out of me, drenched in my juices, and he only looks at me with lust, as he sucks his fingers dry. At that he groans.

“Look what a mess you’ve made of him y/n…CassIan’s drenched in your cum” Rhys says into my ear, as my cunt is still pulsating.

“I want…Azriel” I breathe out. Not forgetting the shadowsinger, who’s been awfully quiet the past minutes.

“You want him do you?” Rhys questions me and I nod.

Then as in command, the shadowsinger steps down beside Cassian, who’s still kneeling, and slips off his undershorts.

His swollen, hard cock springs free and I nearly moan at the sight.

I can’t tear my eyes away, and instead just get to my feet, pushing Cassian aside.

I get on my knees in front of Azriel, pinning up my hair with a ribbon. He grabs my chin softly, tilting my head upwards to meet his gaze.

“You look so good on your knees princess. Now be a good girl and suck me off” he grins darkly, and I palm him in my hand.

He only closes his eyes, as I run my hand back and forth over his long, hard shaft.

His head dips back, as he lets out a deep groan. I hear Cassian shifting behind me to settle himself beside Rhys.

I bring my tongue to the tip, as I lick around it. He groans again.

Then I decide to run my tongue over the underside of his long cock, licking a stripe.

I let my nails drag slightly over him as well, before I finally push him inside my mouth. He’s so fucking big. Bigger than both Cassian and Rhys, and they’re massive. Or at least I think they are.

I start to bob my head back and forth, my tongue running over his sensitive skin. His hands move to my hair, and he fists it in his hand.

I grip his muscular thighs, as I push myself further onto him. I take as much of his large cock as I can into my mouth, and using my hand for the rest.

He hits the back of my throat, and I gag. That makes him groan even more.

“Fuck y/n, you’re a pro” Cassian says from behind.

“Come on y/n, you can bring him to his end” Rhys encourages me.

I hollow out my cheeks, as I continue to bob my head back and forth. Azriel helps me by pushing my head forward. I gag over and over again, letting out a few moans myself, as I take him.

He continues to groan, almost like an animal.

I feel his dick twitching inside my mouth and I know he’s close.

“So close y/n…don’t stop” he motivates me and I don’t.

A few tears spill from my eyes, as he finally fills up my mouth.

“Y/n!” He comes with my name rolling off his tongue.

He squirts a handful into me, and I swallow every single drop. When I pull away, a few drops of his cum drips down my lips. I use my thumb to wipe it off, as I suck it into my mouth. All while keeping eye contact with him the whole time.

He groans again.

“The things you do to me y/n…” he says, and I stand up to meet his eyes.

He smiles a loving smile at me, as he gives me a gentle kiss on the lips. Forgetting that I just swallowed his juices.

A moan escapes his mouth, as he tastes himself on my tongue and lips. Then he pulls away, and looks into my eyes.

Cassian and Rhys comes up behind me us, and I feel two pair of hands wrap around me. I now stand in the middle of the three, tall, muscular Illyrians, and I feel tiny.

Rhys moves some hair from my neck, and leans down to whisper in my ear.

“You’re so beautiful darling…”

I close my eyes, leaning into his touch.

Cassian’s hand moves to my bra, as he traces a hand over it.

“Cass…not again…” I nearly moan.

“Relax princess…let us take care of you” he answers.

I let the run their hands over me a couple of times, let them feel their way over my body. Let them kiss and nibble on my skin. But then I push them away. They all give me a confused look.

I walk away from them, heading to the door, and opening it. Then I walk out and head for the bathroom.

I hear them following me, but I don’t stop. As I enter the bathroom, I strip out of my underwear and walk into the large shower.

I turn on the water, and stand under it, letting it fall onto my body. I soak my hair as well, as I run my hands through it.

When I open my eyes again, I am met with three pairs of eyes. Three pairs of hungry, lustful eyes.

The three bat boys are standing in the bathroom, right in front of me, as their eyes roam over my entire body.

I feel myself heat up again at that. But I ignore it, and go back back to standing under the faucet.

I hear some shuffling and footsteps, before all three of them enter the shower with me.

I open my eyes again to look at them. They’re all hovering over me, and I have to look up to meet their eyes. And they’re all naked. Great.

Just don’t look down y/n. Do not look down. But of course I do. My gaze drops to all their lower abdomens, to the three large cocks that hang there. Oh my fucking god.

I stare fit way too long, a breathy moan leaving my mouth at how they’re already hard.

“Eyes up here princess” Cassian says and my eyes shoot back up.

I swallow deeply, as I find all three of them grinning darkly.

Their own eyes drop to my naked body. Over my chest, stomach, thighs, legs and of course my dripping cunt.

I look at all three of them, deciding which one of them I wanna fuck first. Which cock I wanna feel inside me first.

I head for Rhys as I smash my lips onto his. He immediately wraps his arms around me, and I moan as his hard dick comes in contact with my wet cunt.

I bite down on his lips, my hands moving to either side of me, palming both Azriel and Cassian’s dick in my hands. They both let out groans of surprise.

I continue to make out with Rhys as I play with their cocks.

Rhys’s hands move down to my ass, grabbing a handful, and squeezing tightly. I moan into his mouth.

“I wanna fuck you…” he speaks into my mouth.

“Then fuck me…” I respond the same way.

With that he pulls away, and slams me into the shower wall. He moves one hand to his cock, and pushes slowly inside me. My eyes screw shut at the motion, and I let out a deep moan.

“Fuck Rhys…I don’t know I can-“ I start but he cuts me off, by moving his hand over my mouth.

“You can take it darling. I know you can” he encourages me.

And then he pushes himself the last inches inside of me, and I have to grab onto his shoulders not to cry out of pleasure.

“Cauldron boil me…” I moan out as he starts moving inside me.

Azriel and Cassian take a seat on the bench inside the shower, as they only watch.

My eyes move to them, as Rhys continues to thrust inside of me, and they only smirk.

I notice both of their hard, swollen dicks and I ache to touch them. Help them. Satisfy them.

Rhys moves deeper into me, his hands moving to hold my thighs, so he can thrust as deep as possible.

I try to keep my eyes on Azriel and Cassian, but I struggle as Rhys continues to destroy me.

My nails dig into his shoulders, and I feel myself clenching. I’m close.

“Rhys…I’m close” I breathe out, as he continues to thrust deep inside me.

With that he only pushes harder, his thrusts becoming slower and deeper. That means he’s close too.

“Come on darling…come for me” he encourages, and that throws me over the edge.

My walls tighten around his dick, and I spill myself inside him. He follows me right after, as his own juices leak into me.

“Fuck y/n…you feel so good” he moans as he rises out his orgasm.

As my release ends, I slacken in his arms. Already struggling to stand up from the orgasms I’ve already had.

Rhys notices, and moves his arms to my hips, as he pulls himself out of me. Then he raises his head to meet my eyes. He looks at me worried.

“Are you okay?”

I swallow deeply, and take a deep breath.

“Yes, I’m fine” I confirm with a slight smile.

He nods and gives me a slight smile back, before stepping away from me.

As he moves away, I suddenly get a glance of Azriel and Cassian again, still sitting on the bench.

My eyes dip down to their lower abdomens. Their cocks are still so hard and swollen, and I just ache to have them inside me too. But I’m not sure if I can. My legs are already wobbly, and I’m way too overstimulated.

“I…” I hesitate.

Azriel and Cassian’s gazes both soften at my tone and expression. Then Cassian stands up in front of me, the mother hen that he is.

“Princess? Are you tired?” He tilts my chin to look up at him.

I glance over at Rhys and Azriel again, and they both just look at me softly.

“I can take more…” I lie, or half lie. I do want them. I want both Azriel and Cassian before I go to bed. But I’m just so exhausted. My body feels so weak.

“Princess.” Cassian repeats, and I turn my gaze to him.

“It’s okay, if you’re tired, we can go to sleep” he comforts me.

“I do want you…I just” I don’t wanna miss this opportunity.

“It’s okay angel. We don’t wanna exhaust you. We can take it some other time” Azriel speaks up as well.

“But we had a moment…” I slightly argue.

“More moments will come. Believe me when I say that you will have the opportunity for this again” Cassian tells me with a slight grin.

I can’t help but smile at his playfulness.

“Alright then, but you’re still staying with me through the night. I will not let you leave” I demand them.

“As you command” Cassian salutes mockingly, and I can’t help but giggle.

——————

We’ve rinsed off all our sweat and scents, and I’m currently sitting at the edge of the bed, Azriel braiding my hair.

Cassian and Rhys are sitting pressed up against the headboard, ready for cuddle and sleep.

The need and lust isn’t as strong anymore, but my body is still very exhausted and tired.

“And done.” Azriel says, as he ties up my braid.

“Thank you…” I turn around.

He smiles, cups my cheeks, and gives me a loving kiss on the forehead. Then he pulls back, and sits next to the other two Illyrians.

They’re all dressed in pajama pants and cotton t-shirts. I’m wearing a cotton night gown, my hair now freshly braided.

I look down, fiddling with the hem of my gown, as I can’t look at them. I still feel bad for not letting Cassian and Azriel fuck me too. I said I wanted them, and then I just left them hanging. Guilt creeps up my throat.

“Darling, you’re still not feeling bad right?” Rhys asks, but I don’t meet his eyes.

“No I just-“ I cut myself off.

Then I lift my head to look at all of them.

“I’m sorry for blowing you off…” I look at both Cassian and Azriel.

“Princess, how many times do we have to tell you? It’s alright. We don’t care. All we want is for you to feel comfortable and safe” Cassian reassures me.

“But I-“

“No. You don’t get to apologize angel. You did nothing wrong” Azriel hushes me.

I sigh deeply and decide to slowly crawl over to them instead. I move in between Cassian and Rhys, as I tug the covers over my body.

Then I lay my head on Cassian’s shoulder, and I grab his much larger hand, fiddling with it.

I can feel all their gazes on me.

So I look up at Cassian through my eyelashes, and ask innocently.

“What?”

Cassian reaches out a hand to move a loose strand behind my ear, then he cups my cheek.

He leans down and pecks my lips softly. Then he mutters into my mouth.

“Beautiful”

I feel heat creeping up my cheeks. I don’t deserve them.

He pulls away from my mouth, but I can’t tear my eyes away from him. My lips are still parted where his were a few moments ago.

Then I decide to do something very bold. I grab his face in my hands, and smash my lips onto his.

He immediately falls a little back by the sudden action, but naturally his hands move to my waist. I move on top of him, my legs straddling his thighs.

Then I open my mouth to kiss him deeper, my tongue wanting entrance to his.

“Y/n” he pulls away. I quirk an eyebrow at him.

“Let’s go to sleep” he tells me, his hands staying on my waist.

“But I’m giving you what you want?” I look at him confused.

Rhys puts a hand on my thigh. I look to him.

“Y/n. You need to stop trying to please everyone. Take time for yourself. Rest” he tells me.

I turn towards Azriel. He’s looking at me with that same pitying face. I don’t want their pity.

“I don’t need rest. I need to give you what you want. All of you.” I protest, my hand moving for the hem of Cassian’s trousers.

He stops me, placing his own hands on top of mine.

“Y/n. Look at me” he says, and I lift my gaze slowly.

“Let’s sleep. And then we can do this tomorrow”

I sigh. I suppose they’re right. I am quite tired. And I do need sleep.

“On one condition” I argue.

“And what is that?” Azriel asks.

“These” I hint for their shirts.

“Need to go”

They all smile at me, before moving to take them off. The shirts land on the floor, and I can’t help but drool a little over their muscular forms.

“Can we go to sleep now?” Rhys asks me, and I nod.

I move off Cassian, and back between him and Rhys, lying down on the pillow. They all lie down as well, the duvets pulling over us.

I turn my body towards Cassian, and he turns towards me. My leg moves over his, and my arm drapes over his bare chest. The other arm I move over his waist slightly. I snuggle into his neck, inhaling his scent.

He wraps a strong arm around me, pulling me closer, as he kisses the top of my head lovingly.

I feel Rhys shift behind me, as his front suddenly presses into my back. He also moves a hand over my waist, his face nuzzling into my neck.

I can’t see Azriel, but I know he’s lying behind Cassian. Mostly because his hand interlaces with mine on Cassian’s waist, as I snuggle closer.

I close my eyes, letting myself rest, as I finally feel comfortable. I feel safe. I feel loved.

#acotar #cassian x reader #azriel x reader #rhysand x reader #bat boys x reader

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