Kiera, 21, Student of Youth Pastoral Studies

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

People thinking that because I’m young I can’t do the field that I want to do. Looking at parents and being like “I want to help your students,” but them being like “But you’re 21 and don’t have any kids.” So it can be really hard to do what I want and stay positive about it while facing some of the challenges of my age.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

Probably more of a patient personality. I feel like I am pretty patient, but sometime I feel like I just get to the end of my rope and then all of a sudden I won’t have patience for anyone and it really takes a long time for me to reel back. So having that personality would be a lot more helpful in working with people.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Kindness and the ability to listen is super huge for me just because I really care about listening to people and hearing their side of the story and hearing them. Responsibility. If they can be responsible and keep time and keep their promises and be responsible then that’s super huge and that talks a lot about their character.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Probably when I’m doing things with other people. If someone is taking just as many risks as I am, I like to be able to do it just because I feel like I can really feed off of that group energy. When someone else is trying something with me it’s a lot better than trying to go off on my own and having the anxiety of “Am I going to be able to do this?”

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Anything to do with my family. I don’t have the best family background. It’s been really hard growing up. I grew up as a military kid, so we moved a round a lot and it was hard to find friendships that lasted. That’s an environment that not everybody’s aware of; what it’s like to have a parent in the military. It really just brings out a different side of me, especially as I’m growing, I’m trying to just be more of who I want to be versus who I am when I’m with my family. I want to get away from the definition of who my family found me to be.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Probably right now, finishing college. My brother is a college drop out and he’s three years older than me so a lot of what I have done has fallen in his footsteps and I got a lot of “Are you sure you want to do that? Are you sure you wan to study youth ministry?” So finishing out college and doing the same major that I went in knowing that I wanted to do has been a super huge accomplishment.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Definitely my small group leader Jen, who is now my mentor. She was my rock in middle school and high school and she still is. She’s one of the first people that I look up to and that I want to call when I have good news. She’s just a super big role model in who she is as a mom and a wife. She always seems to be there to save the day when I need her. She’s definitely someone that I look up to the most.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Don’t live for yourself. It is super important to be living for the kingdom of God and growing that because that benefits not only you but it benefits everybody else in the world. I’m not saying don’t do things for yourself, but yourself should never be the most motivation you have. It should be making sure that God is first and foremost always.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

I mean he’s a pretty cool guy. He’s the Lord and Savior of the world. He’s my confidant and friend. Honestly, he’s the one I couldn’t make it through life without. I don’t know what I would do without my faith. So that’s definitely super huge and Jesus is the ultimate mentor, friend, teacher, and just everything you could be in life.

Lowell, 24, Part Time Worker at Edible Arrangements and Michael’s

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

My biggest frustration is within myself. Nothing external in the world has really given me any frustration. I’ve recently come into some very bad habits and a lot of it was through this relationship I was just in that was really destructive. I think we didn’t really get along well ultimately because we didn’t promote good behaviors in each other. Not to put it all on the relationship because every relationship takes two to tango. A lot of that came from me allowing it to happen. You can see why a lot of that frustration is internal. I’ve gotten past that relationship though and I’m looking forward to an excellent 2020 because I finally feel like I’m able to receive the external love.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

It’s a combination of perspective and empathy. People throw around the word empathy a lot like you care about other people. That’s a very simple version of it. But that’s not what empathy ultimately is. Empathy is similar to an out of body experience. You actually empathize with them, how they’re feeling, what their perspective is in a way that doesn’t directly relate to your own perspective. That’s really hard to do. I feel like a lot of stuff that I’ve learned since ending that relationship was like getting a different perspective of myself and what life is. I think it’s a part of growing up and becoming an adult. You learn a lot of stuff that you don’t get when you’re not an adult. It’s a difficult time to be in.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Honesty, humor. That’s all it takes. The third one would be non-malevolence. If you’re a nice person and you’re genuine then, sure. Honesty…be an honest person. Don’t lie and sneak around. Humor, be a fun person. Be a fun person to joke around with. I often think about humor as a way of learning. Humor is learning. It’s a novel thing that you experience because it’s new. Usually if you’re a humorous person it means you’re fairly intelligent and you’re interesting and you’re curious. Non-malevolence is like don’t be evil, but the more people I meet the more I realize that evil people are so rare in the world. Most people are really genuine people who aren’t trying to screw you over, but some people are so you can never be too sure.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Bravery usually requires action. Like be brave and go into that cave or be brave and face something. If the act is for someone else that I care about then I’m really brave. This New Years party in particular is a big thing that I do for the people that I care about. I’m always motivated every year to do it even through the hard times. So other people make me brave.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

I’ve been described as a person who is really easily vulnerable. I really put myself out there. I’m a a lot all at once. It’s a lot for most people. People get thrown off by that I think. It doesn’t take much to make me feel vulnerable. I try not to put myself in a shell too much.

6. What was your proudest moment?

I was in undergrad and my economics teacher….we had an instant connection in the class room. The lecture was something about time travel and I gave an answer about it or something and it was like a joke, but then the professor immediately responded with a rebuttal to what I was saying and it was a deadpan serious rebuttal, she wasn’t treating it like a joke. It struck me and it was so unique. I told her I’d meet her in her office afterwards to discuss and we did. That’s an example of how she’s special. One day after an exam came back and the deal was if you think there’s any discrepancy like if you think there’s anyway to challenge what the professor graded you then you can bring it up. So I was looking through it and I read a question again and I saw it was marked wrong. This is logically true what I’ve answered and I went through it like 4 or 5 times. I went to her office afterwards and I was like “This is the case. This is logically wrong and I should logically be correct.” It was clear she did not expect this and she was not happy about a student challenging her in this way. It was so natural to me. This is just what you do. If the question is marked wrong then bring it forward, but it was perceived as a challenge. We got into this discussion about what was communicated in class. It went like two or three layers deep this discussion. At one point she became visibly angry, but she has class so she kept it low and simmering. I realized I’m on the wire now. It completely threw me off and I realized like I need to give her something. In the end I convinced her that this is logically true.

    The next class, she started off by saying “A student has come to me about the exam and I marked him wrong and he came and presented it in such a way.” She basically gave a play by play of our discussion. She said that she believed in her heart that this student does not have a dishonest bone in his body. Then she gave a modified version of the question for everyone to answer. She did that because of our discussion and it just hit me like, Oh my fucking God, I had an effect. We had a heart to heart. I went to her after class and I thanked her for what she did.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

My role model is Mark Rosewater. He is the lead designer for Magic the Gathering. It’s like a nerd’s heaven. I’m getting my brother-in-law into it and we’re playing a little bit. I’ve never really understood for most of my life, idols. Why would you idolize someone? I didn’t look up to anybody. Then it struck me very recently….I was reading a blog that he write about Magic the Gathering and one week he posted a blog post. He was like “It’s a special week and I’m going to post about something completely different from Magic the Gathering.” It was an article about hosting a party. It was all about giving good advice to party hosters and what makes a good party. It was really good advice. It was fascinating and I like hosting. He is such a multifaceted dude. He used to be like a full time comedian and he used to be a regular game designer, but he landed as head designer for Magic the fucking Gathering. He’s called it his dream job on multiple occasions. He’s been exposed to everything. He was a jack of all trades until he just happen to fall into his perfect job. He’s my role model. That’s how I want to be. Just jack of all trades until I can find something. 

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

I don’t think I’ve learned that lesson yet.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

Jesus was a pretty good guy. I haven’t read the Bible in a while. I’d like to read the Bible again. I want one of those versions that have the words of God in red. It makes it a little more clear of what the actual message was. I’d want to read the new testament because no where did Jesus Christ say call people who are different from you The Other. It’s scary. I don’t think it’s Christian like in the truest sense. Alan Watts is a kind of quirky dude. He’s a religious academic, or he was. He was really popular during the late 1970’s and he’s a little hippy dippy to be honest. I think he offers some really unique perspectives on Christianity and religion as an idea that you don’t often hear. He had a really good one on Christianity. He said that calling Jesus Christ the Son of God is a translation thing. The best they could do at the time that they translated the new testament to English was at a time when “the son of” was a legitimate translation of “one with,” which is the more accurate translation of what it was. That changes the whole reading doesn’t it? Every instance of “son of” becomes “one with.” Jesus was one with God. He and God are the same. He’s not like a son in the sense; he’s not a different being. It’s wild. That’s why they call it the great paradox. How can you be three in one? Yet, here it is Jesus and God are one. It’s beautiful and it’s incredibly democratic. Watt’s view is that this man on earth became one with God.

    He is a man on earth who is birthed. You and him are the same, reader. He’s a human and he is God-like. He’s divine. It’s very democratic. God isn’t some being out there. He’s here on earth with you. He’s here to talk with you. Incredibly familial and friendly. Like one on one. In a way that the concept of God could never be in that sense.

    I’ll take a quick aside to tell a Christian short story that I think perfectly describes what I just described. There was a man and it was Christmas Eve. The man was not religious anymore. He was over the whole God thing. This man thought how could God be so ludicrous. If God is all powerful, surely he’d be able to talk to me. He can do anything he wants, why can’t he just speak to me directly and not send down this messenger. The rest of his family went to church that night for Christmas Eve service and he stayed in the cold farm house. It’s a freezing blizzard outside. He looks out the window and sees this bird in the blizzard. An injured baby bird flopping around on the ground. He’s like, oh my god it’s going to freeze to death. He had empathy and compassion so he said I gotta save this bird. I gotta get you and bring you into the barn where you’ll be warm and at least you won’t die. The bird wouldn’t listen. The bird was freaking out when he approached him to guide him. The bird was flapping and injuring himself even more. The man was like, why doesn’t this bird do what I want him to do? I’m trying to help it out, why doesn’t it just listen? That’s when it occurred to him that God must have had the same problem. I think it’s all well and good the whole Jesus idea. But the way that’s it’s being practiced now a days is not to those beliefs. That’s my firm opinion of Jesus Christ. I think he’s an excellent man, but I think he’s losing sight of his flock if you ask me.

Andre, 28, Small Business Owner (SAT/ACT Tutoring Center)

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

My relationship with my phone. I feel like it’s so easy now to get sucked away from the present moment and not to pay attention to the people you’re with. There’s always this false promise of something in your phone of something more meaningful and connecting with others. I would say the phone and how distant it’s made us from one another. People will watch your instagram story and then you send them a message like “Hey, how are you,” and then they don’t respond and then they’ll just keep watching your instagram stories and it’s like….what is this? Is this a genuine connection or are you just observing me for entertainment like an animal in a zoo?

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

The ability to answer questions quickly and with certainty. Just kidding. Could this be a super power? I’d want to be able to fly! I always thought it’d be cool. You get to travel for free. Freedom is definitely my number one most important value. So when you fly, that’s the ultimate freedom.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Reliable. You gotta be there for someone. Fun and open. Friendship is about loyalty and being there for someone even when shit hits the fan. I feel like people have too superficial of relationships and they’re not really friendships per se. Openness so you can truly be yourself in front of someone and not feel like you have to be so protected. Fun because life’s too short to be so serious all the time. Let loose a little bit. Cocaine. What?

4. What makes you feel brave?

Standing up straight with my chest out.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Crying. You’re just overwhelmed by sadness and you feel so powerless. Back when I was an atheist, I used to think about perfecting myself and I saw emotions as a sign of weakness and it made me feel vulnerable and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that I felt sadness for someone who had effected me or someone who I loved or someone who I lost. But you gotta feel it to heal it.

6. What was your proudest moment?

When I did my debt free scream. So I paid off $60,000 of debt in 18 months and it was a really hard time. When I started it, I was in a really hard time in my life and it became a really transformative experience and I learned a lot about myself, about how to live. All of this culminated in me telling my story and doing my debt free scream on the Dave Ramsey show in Nashville.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Honestly at this point, this sounds so cheesy but I’m going to say Jesus because everyone else is man and man is fallible. They have all this baggage and flaws, temptation. To know that Jesus was completely unhindered or lead a life that was completely unhindered by any of those things is really inspiring.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Don’t spend more than you make. It leads you to a life of slavery. I learned this by being in debt and being a slave to having to make enough money to make the payments. Hitting the credit limit on a credit card and scrambling to pay for something. Always worrying, always running in the wheel. It doesn’t matter how much money you make, if you spend more than you make, you’ll always be a slave. Future self will always be a slave to past you. When I was getting out of debt, I drove for Lyft and Uber and there was this guy from the mainline out in Philadelphia, which is like really wealthy suburbs. I picked him up and he lived in this big house and we started talking and he told me that he was a vice president for this multinational pharmaceutical company and he was making like $400,000 a year. He told me this, yet he was still living paycheck to paycheck because he lived beyond his means. So it doesn’t matter how much money you make, it just matters that you invest early and you spend less than you make.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

He was the OG. He’s someone who actually existed and who was crucified. I have doubt about whether he was the son of God, but the fact that the apostles all died bloody deaths and died for their convictions and that they wouldn’t recant….the fact that they stuck to their guns that he died and was resurrected and they saw him after his death, that’s a pretty big thing that’s convincing me that he did die and rose again.

Martin, 65, Retired Millwright

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Dealing with my mom in this nursing home. It’s just frustrating to have your mom in a situation like this when you grew up with her and it’s a tough situation. 

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

I think I’m pretty happy with everything that I have. I’m pretty happy in life, pretty happy in my career. I don’t have many regrets.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Trust and honesty would be one. Mutual likes or habits. Trust and honesty covers everything. I don’t think anything else matters, does it?

4. What makes you feel brave?

That’s a pretty tough one! A gun? I don’t have too many fears. Maybe just my own attitude makes me feel brave. I’m not afraid of much. These are pretty tough questions. I don’t think I’ve been in a position other than racing. Racing motorcycles I felt like I had to be. It takes either bravery or stupidity.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Illness.That would make me feel vulnerable to something because that’s something you can’t control. Just weird things that come at you. Disease. Germs. That type of stuff is scary stuff because that’s something you can’t control.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Having my daughter.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

My step-dad. He gave me the talent that I have to make me what I was. For sharing all of his knowledge and experience in being a millwright. Pretty technical stuff. You probably don’t know what a millwright is, but it’s pretty technical. We do a lot of unique things that most people probably don’t do. You gotta be a mathematician, an electrician, you gotta be a carpenter, you gotta be a plumber, you gotta be everything. The term millwright came from keeping the mill right. So the people in the 1700’s that built these grist mills and had precision stones to make flour, they had to be all of what I just said: a machinist, a carpenter. You have to be a little bit of everything in the construction business. It was a fun career and my step-dad gave me that opportunity.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Be fair to everybody and be fair to the planet. Be a little more conscious of what we’re doing to this planet than the people before us. This is our home. People have to take care of the planet. Take care of themselves, but by taking care of the planet they’re going to take care of themselves. Just seeing what we’ve done to this planet and how many wrongs we’ve made. I think your generation or the generation after you are the only ones that can really control it. The younger generations have to make that change or we won’t be here in another 200 years. There won’t be any clean water or clean air and without either one of those we can’t survive.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

I believe in something. I don’t know what it is. I’d like to believe in Jesus or in a god or in something, but it’s kind of hard to believe in when you see all the hardship that we as humans go through. So it’s kind of hard to believe that there is actually some super powers that’s helping us. I don’t know. My beliefs have dwindled some in life when I would hope that they would have excelled and they didn’t. I think some of the hardship that we see, some of the wrong that people are doing, it’s kind of hard to believe. I do believe in something. I don’t know whether it’s Mohammed, I don’t know whether it’s God, I don’t know who it is. I believe in something. I just don’t know what it is.

Steve, 88, Retired Public Service Worker

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Sometimes being blind, I’m being dismissed. I do 99% of stuff myself. The only thing I can’t do is take a shower. I dress myself, I wash myself. The amount of stress that’s involved in a place like this (nursing home) is unbelievable. Unless you’re living in a place like this, you really have no idea. Most of the time with the older people they say “Well, my family dumped me here.” We know that’s not true, but I guess in some cases it might be. If that’s not the case, then the visits from family are too infrequent. I remember sitting out in the lobby and in each one of the corners there was a different family from a different ethnic group. The four families were so full of laughter! The thing that really got to me was that the main speaker in each group was the person that was being visited. They had an opportunity to talk and they just rambled on and on. That really did my heart good.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

I think I’m getting it now. It took all these years to get it, but self esteem. Especially when I’m talking to young people, self esteem is so important. High school is a very difficult time for many people. One of my favorite lyrics from a country western song is “Some girls don’t like boys like me, but ah, some girls do.” I tell that to boys and girls. I’m already thinking about my next life. I believe in reincarnation. Already I’m planning for it. I’m starting to play the piano and I’m going to get a guitar. In my next life I want to be a world renowned entertainer. Music just brings out joy in me. You may have been happy sometimes, but until you’ve experienced joy you really don’t know. You don’t know what’s happening! You can’t speak! Most of the time I use the F-word. That’s what’s important to me, joy. As usual I go ranting off and I forget what I was saying.

    I was so afraid of rejection. My high school graduation was my worst social event of my life. I didn’t ask anyone to the dance. My mother was working with someone who’s daughter was 15 or 16. They hooked us up and we went and it was terrible. They had a contest at the senior prom. Guess who was voted king and queen. Me and the girl.

    I want to be the best entertainer in my next life, but I also want to be able to tell stories. Story telling is a tremendous science. My next door neighbor was going to Princeton University for telling stories.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Trust. Truth. Just to be there, just to listen, and allow me to be a friend of theirs also. I like someone who’s a friend to me, but I like being a friend to others as well.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Bravery’s not something that you really think about. When you have courage, you don’t know you have it you just have to use it. It’s when someone that you love is in need. We’re hardwired for somethings. We don’t need to think about them we just do it. Bravery is one of those. Like now, I felt brave just a little while ago. I was going to leave (the dinner event at the nursing home). If I can’t sit with my ex-girlfriend….she gave me a call and said her son and daughter-in-law are going to come, and they invited me to sit with them. When I arrived, they said this and that about me not sitting with them, so I said if that’s going to be the case then I’ll leave. I made a decision and I stuck with it. Seeing things through is brave.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

I can’t tell you what a happy guy I am. I stop and I cry at times. I think of my kids. It’s a long story, but my daughters haven’t spoken to me in a long time or had a meaningful conversation. Their mom died a tragic death and money was involved, that kind of thing. I’m not angry with them. I was more pissed off about not being able to sit with my ex-girlfriend.

    At this day and age, I have a feeling that I believe in what I believe in. I believe in another life. I see what music has done for me. I hear a note and I just break out in tears. I talk to God in a different way. I talk to God like I’m talking to you. Vulnerable to me is not being able to do something to help someone else. If someone needs some money and you can’t help them out. Those are the things that make me feel vulnerable that I can’t do something like that.

6. What was your proudest moment?

When my wife and I were living in a single house, down in the cellar was a concrete floor with a dish washer and other garbage. My wife would wash and dry the clothes like 24 hours a day. She had that ringer type washing machine where you put your hands in there and your hands get all red. One night I just felt so vulnerable because I couldn’t help her, so I took it upon myself to work all the over time I could and I got a nice check. I said to me wife “Let’s go! I’m going to buy you a washer and dryer!” Even now I’m still proud! The way that felt! I was so fuckin’ proud. That’s the one I think of.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Women come to my mind. What they’ve done. Like my wife, the one that died in a tragic accident. What she had to go through raising the kids. I would have to say her and I wasn’t always a nice guy. I cheated on her. After 30 something years. She closed the door on me and I can’t blame her. I always wanted to go out and learn. I wanted to meet people. What she had to put up with, I don’t know another women that had to do what she did. She did a good job. She was 16 years old when she got pregnant. I was 19. I was going off to the Korean War. The day before I was going over seas, my girlfriend and I went to take a ride and we wound up stuck in the mud by Fort Dix. Then one thing led to another and the first time we ever had sex together she became pregnant. When I went over seas, I found out and I came back and we got married. Then I converted to Catholicism. I’m happy with my wife and what she did and how she did it and how the kids ended up.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Always be yourself. Always put yourself first. Always put yourself first when you make a decision. Always go with your feelings. Two things you must have complete control over: your money is number one. Don’t let anyone control your money. Not your husband or anyone else. The second thing is your body. I tell that to guys and girls, not just the girls.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

I’m not an advocate of organized religion. I don’t have an opinion. I make observations. When you have an opinion you always have to end up defending it. The best thing I ever did for my kids was take them out of catholic school and put them in public school. When they went to catholic school they felt like they were prisoners. My son came to me one time and said “Dad I want to have a earring.” I said “I don’t care if you put it in your nose. Just be yourself.” They all ended up that way. They all had to be let loose. My son was a star basketball player at Woodbridge High School. He got a scholarship to Princeton, got his PhD. The kids used to have parties and so a mom was telling me about one of these parties at her house. She came down in the basement to the party just to let the kids know the parents were home and she said to me, “Steve guess who was the only kid who stood up when the parent entered the room. Your son.” It’s the little things like that. When they were in a room, they were awesome. They were bright, friendly, good looking, smart.

    Jesus lived. That’s a fact. I’ve always had a problem with this “The only son of God.” I’m reading a story now from a spiritual entity. It’s a 35,000 year old guy who is speaking through channel in a woman. I listened to an interview with five of these different religious guys and they were all plagiarizing each other. They all do the same thing. If you find one that’s different let me know. Two things: they keep you fearful and they keep you ignorant. If you don’t do this, you’re going to go to hell. What about hell? There is no hell. Hell was a figure of speech a thousand years ago. When someone died and didn’t have money for a grave, they dug a shallow grave and that was hell. During the night the wild dogs came and devoured the bodies. There’s not hell. There’s no devil. But I know Jesus and he and I are buddies. I think about us both sitting on a bench and I call him my brother. At the Big Bang, God created everybody. Everything’s already been done. The future’s already been laid out. God created little flickers of light and each flicker of light was a soul. He created an unknown number of souls. I believe in Christ’s teaching. I don’t believe this stuff about the only son of God.

    My wide was having her fifth child. I was on strike for seven weeks. We had nothing. So who are we going to go to? We’re going to go to God. We went to this woman for help. She said “Hold up. Why did you buy these encyclopedias? Why did you do this?” I said “Sister, I need help. I’ll pay you back.” But guess what! The catholic welfare bill turned me down! Can you imagine? I have four little kids and a pregnant wife. I’ve met a lot of people and asked a lot of questions and many many people feel the same way about organized religion.

Jessica, 31, Housewife

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

I would say not living up to my expectations, which is what I think everyone else’s expectations are of me and they’re not. Better mom, better housewife, doing things for my family. No one expects that of me but myself. So yeah, biggest frustration: myself. 

2.What trait do you wish you most had?

I think boldness. I bottle up a lot of stuff. As much as I talk, I’m probably saying 25% of what I’m really thinking. So I wish I had more boldness.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Someone who tells the truth, reliability….I’m trying to think of friends that I actually like….yeah just being reliable, telling the truth is important for me, and I don’t know I don’t want to say love because that sounds cheesy, but maybe yeah like a loving characteristic…genuine. I value those I think because I didn’t have that in most of my friends, so now I look forward to that in the ones that I do have.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Sometimes it’s my kids that make me feel brave. Other times I think it’s just impulse. It’s not really me being brave, I’m just….I did it and it just happen to be a brave thing. I can only think of the most recent thing where some old man tried to say something to my kid and I opened a valve on him that he probably didn’t deserve, but he tried to tell me my kid couldn’t come in to something that we were both going to and clearly my kid is tiny and he has to come in with me and I kind of let him have an earful. I don’t think he deserved it, but it felt brave in the moment only because I’m like “This is my kid,”  but it probably wasn’t. It’s probably just back to the impulse thing and not really brave.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

The expectations that I put on myself. I always think people are looking at me and judging me and sizing me up even though they’re probably not. They probably could care less. That makes me feel vulnerable because I feel like I have to work extra hard to make sure they don’t see those things that they’re not even looking for. It totally comes from my upbringing. Always hammering it anatomy head hearing that every second I was ever awake like “Why are you good enough today?” or “What did you do that was useful?” those kinds of questions. I don’t think I’ll ever stop playing those in my head.

6. What was your proudest moment?

I wanna say yeah birthing my kids, but I had help with that. There were people there to help me and my husband was there so that’s not a me thing that I got to do alone. I didn’t have a baby in a river by myself! I was running a business semi-successfully for a while, that would be the proudest thing I could say. But that dwindled and failed so it’s not really that proud anymore. But I did it. That was pretty cool for a while while it lasted those couple of years.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

I have one hero in mind, but everybody becomes flawed as you get older and you learn about them and you learn who they were. Probably the person I idolized the most growing up was my grandmother because she was my mother for a while when my mom was out doing her thing. She took care of my for a long time like a mom. She did the responsibilities that my mom ran out on for a while. She was gentle and sweet. Then as I grew older I learned that she actually was the mom for most of my cousins. So I always admired her for that. And she had no money while she did it, but somehow everybody got taken care of and everybody got fed and was sheltered.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Putting a foundation in Christ is most important. I definitely didn’t have that growing up so I was just all over the place. Slowing down too. That is something that I hope to teach my kids. To slow down and appreciate the time that they do have with each other, with us. That’s something I definitely don’t do. I’m always trying to rush through everything or just try to get stuff done and I lose the moment. There’s a lot of times I look at pictures and videos and think, oh my gosh, I was so consumed in making the picture cute or the video nice that I forgot to giggle with my kids in the video or join in on the playtime. So slow down.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

My foundation. Everything. A god that I can’t turn away from anymore even if I wanted to.

John, 39, Estimator

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Probably preparing for the future. For generation to generation. I’m trying to do proper investments and prepare a path for my children in different ways: social, financial, spiritual.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

An ability to evangelize more to strangers. Not so much talking to them, but I guess sparking windows to engage.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Loyalty, seeking truth at all costs, love. Truth so that I know they’re being honest. Loyalty so I know I can depend on them. A true love so that it’s always equally given back and forth.

4. What makes you feel brave?

My family and trust in God.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Thinking about not having a future laid out properly for my children.

6. What was your proudest moment?

My wife and children. Everything else is nothing.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

The person I look up to would probably be James White. He’s an apologist I like a lot because he’s a person who’s firmly rooted in the truth of God. He has no problem talking in any situation and answering in any situation Biblically. So I look to try to replicate that.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Don’t live in any moments. Everyone wants you to live in those moments which usually mean nothing. Everyone is trying to live in what they feel is right. Everybody lives day to day, trying to experience something good for them and usually all those good experiences end up to be garbage. So they don’t really think of consequences or actions. Take a step back and if it’s always going to benefit you, then it probably isn’t always going to benefit the people around you and future you.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

He’s so groovy! My opinion: perfect Lord, perfect savior. He’s not who a lot of people probably think he is. I think if they knew the real him, they probably wouldn’t like him. They always make in in kind of a false way like a false deity. The Jesus the world sees is always this loving, hippie, socialist dude who just wants world peace when his words are actually the opposite of that. He says I’m bringing division. He does the will of God and people always want to ignore that part of who God is. The real Christ saves. The real Christ redeems. The real Christ has strength with love and part of the strength would really scare people if they knew about it.

James, 27, Systems Administrator

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Things being up in the air. Nothing being nailed down in life. Not really having a clear direction of where to go or what to pursue next. I’m kind of frustrated with that.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

I wish I was more naturally generous. It doesn’t come naturally to me to give money, especially tithing has always been a problem for me. I tend to cling to “This is my stuff. I’ve earned it.” I don’t hate giving gifts or anything like that. I’ve known people who are naturally generous, giving people. Not just of their money, but of their time or effort. There’s a certain light that comes from being a magnanimous person. Even just random people they meet, they’re constantly willing to give up their time or effort just to help people. That’s what I would like to have more of.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

A sense of humor to start with is very common. I don’t necessarily look for it in someone. Friendship is a much more natural thing that deliberately pursuing specific things in people. I tend to get along better with people who share my sense of humor or at least understand my sarcasm. If they don’t then they just tend not to like me. Other than that, I don’t know…not scumbags? Also usually some kind of shared activity or shared passion for something. The people that become closer friends are the people you spend more time with. Then probably the ability to think deeply on things or have deeper discussions. If you don’t ever get passed the shallow, superfluous then you don’t actually get to know the person. Can you really say your friends with someone if you only know what their favorite baseball team is? So a mutual willingness to engage in conversation and a commonality in that conversation.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Probably having someone else around to be brave for. Even for myself, when I’m living alone there’s less of a need for that bravery. Even killing bugs. I don’t like killing bugs by myself, but if there’s people around to kill bugs for then you have to be brave. You have to go in and just kill the spider. So yeah, having someone else around to be brave for.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Any kind of deeper relationship or any kind of deep personal discussion like that. In order to have any kind of conversation that matters, you have to be honest about who you are as a person and anytime you do that, when you put yourself out there, there’s that element of vulnerability because you don’t know how somebody else will respond to that. Everybody has a certain level of facade that they put up. Not necessarily fake, but who they are to everybody else…like you don’t always engage in the most personal discussions with everybody. So any kind of deep conversation with a friend or a romantic partner.  

6. What was your proudest moment?

I’ll tell this story because it’s the first one that pops into my head. Back in junior year of high school, I was in physics and we were learning about the kinematic equation, so properties of motion and how to calculate for different things. The challenge from our physics teacher for this lab was to get a marble into a cup. So basically, you’d set up a ramp at the end of a lab table and send a marble down it and you would set up a desk right underneath so it only had a short distance to fall. We had a speed gate at the bottom of the ramp that would tell up how fast the marble was going when it came off the ramp. So you would record where it landed on the desk and measure that from the end of the ramp. The teacher pulled the desk away and said “Ok now set up this cup where you think the marble is going to land,” which we had to figure out with these equations we were using. Immediately I was like “Oh, I know what to do.” I just went off to the side and started going through all the equations while the rest of the class was still puzzling through everything. So I figured it out and I told my team “Guys, we need to put the cup here. This is where the marble is gunna land.” None of them had really contributed anything to it so they just went off my word. We sent the marble down and it landed right in the cup. I still remember the look on the teacher’s face! He was so surprised that we got that. Nobody else in the class got it in the cup. So that was the proudest moment of my high school physics career.

    The answer I thought of after that was actually finishing student teaching. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I wanted to quit most of the time. That was probably more influential on my life in the long run, like actually sticking with it instead of getting a marble in a cup using equations I don’t even remember anymore.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Growing up it was always Steve Irwin. I loved animals when I was a kid….I don’t hate them now haha! I thought I was going to be a vet for a while when I was a kid….I mean I did take up hunting later on in life so I did kind of go in another direction….so now I love to eat animals….this is completely off topic! I loved watching his show, Crocodile Hunter was great! I always thought working at a zoo would be awesome and wrestling alligators. Actually as I’ve grown older and just gotten to know more of who he was as a person, it’s still a valid answer. He was such a genuine guy. You can see the legacy of who he was even in his kids today. Both of them seem like really great people. You know that person was a good dad. Both his kids want to follow in his steps. Both of them love and cherish their memories of him. Just a good genuine dude. I would still pick him as a role model today even though he’s dead.

    Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights as well. He’s so much of who I want to be as a man. His relationship with his wife, as portrayed in the show, is….they deal with a lot of difficult stuff and the way they always approach it with communication, being up front, and working through problems is like such a realistic portrayal in such a good way that you don’t usually see in TV. Normally the dad is such a douche. They make him intentionally a moron for funsies. He’s the coach of the high school football team so he doesn’t compromise on things that he knows to be wrong. He’s very strong with what he believes in and trying to maintain and do the right thing despite pressure from the town or from his players. He’s always willing to go above and beyond for his players. He’s the one they come to if they get into a tight spot. Even if they know he doesn’t approve of what they did, he’s always also the one they go to first because they know he’ll be the one to help them out. Someone like that is who I would like to be as a man, as a father, and wherever God brings me in the church, discipling people. That’s who I would like to be.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

I always feel like you can’t pass down life lessons. My parents, especially my dad, went through a lot growing up, so there was a lot of things my dad dealt with growing up that he never wanted his kids to have to deal with. In those ways, he was stricter on certain things or would try to direct us in certain things like “Hey you shouldn’t be doing this.” One of the frustrations he’s expressed a lot is how most of his kids didn’t really listen to him. He said “I was trying to save you these heartaches here because I know I went through that.” On some level, people have to learn for themselves. Parents or role models can impart specific lessons or wisdom, but at the end of the day I find the most valuable lessons we learn in life are those we have to learn ourselves and experience through our own choices. That was one of the reasons I felt I had to move out of my parent’s. In order to have those life experiences and learn those lessons. My parents got married early, had a kid, had no money, they bought a crappy run down house and struggled for years and years. I’m sure they would love to save me from that. I definitely don’t have that experience now, but even moving out and taking steps that are more risky and forcing myself into situations like that.

    Something more broad, just go out and do things that challenge you. Especially things that scare you. Those are the things you should be going for and trying to do. At the end of the day, the only way you’re going to grow is by being challenged or by doing something that you were afraid of. So go out and experience those life lessons and learn your own.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

I don’t know how much of it is opinion based versus fact based. My opinion of who Jesus is ultimately shouldn’t matter. What matters is who he actually is. I feel like my opinion gets in the way a lot of the time. I feel like we tend to create a more palatable version of God. We like to pick and choose character traits or aspects of who he is. We make him smaller than he is and more manageable. When ultimately, who he is is who he is. My relationship with him is based entirely off of him. This is who he is and he loves me. I’m just in a position of being constantly blow away like, who am I? I’m nobody. Why would the God of everything love me? He’s my savior. He’s my friend. Those are facts, they’re not opinions. Ultimately, he should be everything. He should be number one in my life, but a lot of times he’s not. I put other things first and always end up regretting it. That’s who he is. Someone who’s constantly patient, constantly loving, even though I don’t deserve it.

Adam, 25, Currently Unemployed

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Getting a job. Not just any job. One that I will enjoy and that’s more of a career, not just a normal job. It’s hard. It’s not easy coming out of school, especially with my background and education makes it a little bit harder to get into the field I’m trying to get into

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

Memory. Definitely having an impeccable memory. I think that knowledge is power and the more knowledge you’re able to attain you can use it in a given method or mode then it would serve really well.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

That’s easy. Honest, authentic, and selfless. To me, that just makes the best human out there. I think that if everyone is like that then us as a species would really reach new heights.

4. What makes you feel brave?

I guess doing something that’s out of my comfort zone. For instance, I was the head strength and conditioning coach in a high school and prior to that I was an assistant personal trainer, but I never thought I could be like taking care of thirty or fifty people, but I knew I wanted to do it and challenge myself a bit. But I like it and I feel brave when I take on things that are way above what I thought I could do.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

I guess when someone asks me something about an experience…you know everyone has dark moments in their life. Having to trust the other person that no matter what I tell them, no matter how grave and deep, that I’d trust they’d hold on to it and it would just be between me and them. No matter how close it is to the heart. That describes vulnerability to me.

    There was a girl that I thought I liked and stuff like that. I’d never had a girlfriend so she was my first one. So the more we talked, once you get all the superficial stuff out of the way like what are your hobbies, what’s your family like, favorite color, movies and such and then the more you get to know, the more you want to know about them. What makes them them. With that, comes a lot of experiences of life and certain tendencies that you have. So I had never done that before with anybody, not even my parents really knew about certain things that happened. So when I was telling her things as we talked, I noticed that it was harder to get out. I barely know you, but I really like you so I want to expose more. It was definitely a scary time. I had to trust her and she had to trust me to get over that hump.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Getting my masters. In undergrad, everybody does it. It’s very saturated. You can go to class, but there’s a lot of loose time. In grad school, the higher you go, it’s way more concentrated and way more intense. Work load increases and that coupled with now you have a job, or in my case it was three jobs. It was very challenging. I was never one for time management or organization so that really showed me that I had to be on my game. Luckily, I was able to walk across the stage this past May and I hold that close to my heart too.

7. Who is your role model / Hero and why?

I’d say my dad. He taught me, as any father should, how to be a man. How to forge your own path in the world. Do stuff with purpose. Have pride in what you do. No matter how hard times get, just take it in chunks and break it down. Whatever you do, don’t quit. Just find a way to make it work. These are characteristics and traits I’m still learning.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Be yourself. Don’t conform. I always felt I was a black sheep growing up. In my experiences in childhood, middle school, high school and such I always did stuff to try to fit in. I noticed more towards college that I enjoyed when I went against the run of the mill thing. Finding a new way to do something or create something new. Just do it my way. This world, there’s millions of people out here and so what makes you separate yourself and leave your mark. I don’t want to be another person that goes for a four year degree, gets out, gets a job, 9 to 5, has a family, and that’s it; maybe was a good person, but I want to do something unique. Different. No matter how lonesome it may feel. To just have that courage and bravery and I think you’d live a more fulfilling life. I should be a motivational speaker.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

I was raised by a Jewish father and a Muslim mother. I also went to Catholic school from pre-k to 4th grade, then public school for a year, then middle school, 6-8th grade, I went to Hebrew school. So I got a good taste of it and at the same time going to all the high holidays with my parents and stuff. All the three main religions, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, I got a wide variety and taste of everything.

    I believe that Jesus existed. I believe he was a prophet. There’s the question where they say that he and God are one, but I didn’t grow up with that so I don’t believe that part, but I do believe he was sent down here by God to deliver a message and lead humans in general on the right path. To show them that God is out there.

Zach, 25, Physical Therapist

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Living at home. Moving out, living at college, being off on your own at grad school, and then moving back in with your parents….obviously it makes sense to save money, but it’s a big life style adjustment for both me and my mom. Like my mom having to adjust to me coming back into the house after 7 years. It’s frustrating, but also good.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

Can I answer that as like getting rid of a trait? I wish I didn’t get as anxious in situations. I feel like anxiety can be crippling sometimes. Just being more comfortable in whatever situations would be nice. Like new social situations….I find it easy to adapt to new situations, but at the same time on the inside they make me anxious.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Loyalty, honesty, and a good sense of humor. Loyalty because I’ve had friends in the past who don’t stick by me so that’s something I value; someone I know is always going to be there. Honesty goes along those same lines. If someone’s always going to be honest with you then you can take them at face value. Sense of humor because you need to be able to laugh in any situation.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Sticking up for what I believe in. I think it can vary based on a situation, but a lot of times today I feel like people will just say what other people want to hear because that’s the easy thing to do, but sticking up for what you believe in is being brave. To hold true to yourself.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Letting certain emotions like anxiety show. New situations can make me anxious, so showing that can make me feel vulnerable a bit. At the same time, it’s easy to cover up.

6. What was your proudest moment?

I don’t know if this is my proudest moment, but one of the first things that comes to mind is finishing Physical Therapy school. It’s like the culmination of all my school work up until that point. Everything was leading to that moment. I don’t know if that’s my proudest life moment. That’s tough to think about, but from an academic stand point that kind of made me proud. Knowing that everything I’d done up until that point got me through PT school to pursue that career.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

My dad. Just learning not to take life too seriously and I think I still take it too seriously at times, but always driving to be able to laugh at yourself. That’s the most important thing. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you can’t enjoy other situations. Life is too short to take everything too seriously. You gotta have fun with life.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

I would say that same thing. Obviously there are times to be serious and times to worry about things, but over all, in the grand scheme of things, we don’t need to take life too seriously and think things are going to come and go. If you’re having fun then you’re doing something right. I learned this just from watching my dad.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

Well I’m Jewish, so my opinion is probably different from most. He seems like a great guy! I probably don’t think he’s as special as everyone else you’ve asked. And that’s my answer!

Matthew, 23, IT Consultant

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Definitely money. Just daily expenses like rent, utilities, other stuff that randomly comes up. Then, not necessarily not being able to afford all of those things, but having money afterwards to save.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

I wish I could play an instrument or had a natural talent for an instrument. You see people playing instruments and they get really into it, but it just seems like it comes so naturally. 

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Definitely somebody you can trust and rely on. One you can talk to about things and not have them laugh at you if it’s something serious. The third would be accepting of who you are. Like they don’t try to drag you in to do other things. They get what type of person you are and the things you do and don’t like, so they don’t make you try to do things you wouldn’t do. Peer pressure, I guess.

4. What makes you feel brave?

When I do something that others may not jump into do. Like when I joined the military. They say 1% of people will actually join and commit to it, while 99% will either say “Well it’s not for me” or they don’t want to make the commitment or maybe they’re just not cut out for it.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Being around people I don’t know. For example, if I go to an event with somebody and there’s a bunch of people that I don’t know…because I don’t know the person I don’t know how to start a conversation or make them laugh or you know, that kind of thing.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Probably when I passed basic training because I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. There were many times during the whole process that I wanted to quit and be like “Screw this” and go home. But I stuck through it. You do a whole parade at the end and it was good to just be able to say I was able to do that.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

I know I definitely have some……I’m thinking too much about it. I mean I could say my parents in some sense. I find humor admirable. Respect, loyalty, bravery. I’m still trying to think of a role model though.

   Actually, I had a teacher. His name was Mr. B. I don’t know what it was about him but he was a very….he wasn’t like a normal teacher. He didn’t just stick to the lesson plan or anything like that. He was very intuitive in teaching his lessons and what not. I’ve talked to him outside of class and he’d give advice and stuff like that. I guess being that type of person would be a role model. He’s not super formal, but it’s not informal enough where it’s an issue.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Save money wherever you can. When you get to a point where you want to buy something, like a house or a car, you’re going to look back and say “Oh gee, maybe I shouldn’t have spent X amount of money on this because I don’t use it.” Or, you think, maybe I should have spent less money on that and could have used it on other things. I bought a guitar and I still attempt to learn how to play guitar, but part of it is that I don’t have the time. A lot of times if I’m in a pinch, I’ll wish I hadn’t spent the money on it. When I was in high school I spent a lot of money on a gaming computer. I still use it, but certain things I wish that I had, again, saved that money and spent it towards something else. I didn’t know at the time what that would have been, but when I look at it in hind sight…

    If you’re going to buy something expensive, sleep on it. Think about the future. Maybe make a list of pros and cons to see if you’re really going to use it for what it’s worth. Save for a goal. If you’re starting high school, don’t buy stupid stuff. Save money so you can get a car so when you’re senior you can drive to school. Different schools allow people to drive in different grades. When I was in high school, only seniors were allowed to drive and of course I didn’t have any money and my parents had to help me, which it was nice that they helped me, but some people don’t have that luxury.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

When I was young, my parents never made me go to church. I never had anybody to teach me anything like that, so I am more of like an atheist, but it’s not because I think any religion is stupid or anything, it’s just that’s how I perceive things. I don’t know enough about the Bible or anything like that to argue with someone about it. I won’t make comments or anything like that about someone’s religion. I don’t know enough about it to judge them based on their beliefs. What makes sense to me are things that have been proven. Like if you say Bigfoot is real like, sure, I’d like to believe Bigfoot is real, but when I see it I’ll believe it. That kind of thing. I need something physical or tangible for me to full on commit and believe in something.

Oliver Pt. 2: Post-Monastery, 26, Receptionist

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Figuring out what I want to do with my life. Trying to figure out next steps. Just trying to figure out what actually truly makes me happy and where I see my career going.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

See, it’s really easy for me to answer and say what traits I wish I didn’t have. I wish that my brain didn’t read into things so much immediately. My brain has just been trained at this point to jump to the worst possible solution and feeling the need to plan and always be anticipating things. I wish that I could just be calm. I wish I could just chill out. I think it’s due to a combination of ADHD and anxiety. I spent a really long time feeling like I had to plan for every worst case scenario and always know where I’m going, always know what my plan is for my life. Now I’m at the stage where I’ve realized that everything that I’ve tried to plan for has not actually happened. So I spent all that time worrying. I’ve wasted a lot of time being so wrapped up in my head and trying to anticipate things and it came at the cost of not enjoying a portion of my life. That’s been a major focus of mine recently, just trying to just chill.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Compassion. Discernment. Love. Compassion and love are similar, but they’re not the same thing. I don’t really want to surround myself with un-compassionate people. I’ve done that a lot and that’s not an enjoyable way to live. In terms of discernment, I need people in my life who can recognize the nuance of situations and the nuance of being human. I’ve spent a lot of time exerting myself and trying to get people who I love to see the nuance in my actions and their actions and the world. It’s not been a waste of my energy, but it’s not been enjoyable. It hasn’t really worked. As someone who’s tried to cultivate that in themselves and not just been black and white and not automatically jump to conclusions, I think it’s an important quality to have as you get older. Love in general. If love and light and kindness is not your first priority then what’s the point? Our world’s gunna be on fire in 30 years. They came out with a report saying “Human Civilization is Probably Going to end by 2050.” We have 30 years left, just be fucking nice. Just be nice.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Myself. My time at the monastery taught me that I can pretty much do anything. There were times there where I just wanted to leave and I thought I was going to leave. I was miserable, I was hungry, I was tired, I was not happy. I was dealing with all this trauma and all these torture techniques. Sleep deprivation and malnourishment are literal torture techniques. I was dealing with all of that plus my own shit. I still stayed and nobody thought that I would. People did not think that I was going to make it to the end, but I did. Part of it was just pure spite. I posted about it on Facebook after two weeks and I was like “Well, crap I guess now I really do have to stay.” I’m really glad I did because I have really bad sleep issues. I had a really terrible relationship with sleep and food before I left for the monastery. Then I spent a month getting up at 4:00AM and just eating what I was told to eat. Getting through those really difficult circumstances taught me that even when I think I can’t do it, I really can. I’ve never had that experience before.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

My anxiety. I post everything that’s happened in the past few months. My social anxiety has sky rocketed. I have a really hard time spending time around people in general and spending time around my friends. After all the shit hit the fan in my life and finding out that the people who I did trust and love more than anybody else, I thought trusted and loved me. Then finding out they had no idea who I was. I’m constantly analyzing my actions and worrying about what people are thinking of me. I did that before, but it’s over the top now. It’s something I’m working on, but it’s a real struggle for me. I know that in order to get over it, I just have to deal with it. I just have to put myself in these situations. I’m not just gunna stop hanging out with my friends. At the same time, sometimes I just need to step away because I’m just going to have a panic attack. I think I’m going to find out later that I did something that pissed somebody off and nobody’s going to tell me.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Finishing the monastery. I didn’t think that I was going to finish it. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There were several moments where I nearly packed up and left. That fact that I was able to get through that and just power through despite everything that I was dealing with and come out on the other side just as a better person and more secure in who I was and knowing who I was, that was a big deal. It was a real adventure in a lot of ways and mostly because I got to see who I was for the first time. It was very powerful, but also so so hard. The fact that I was able to get through that was definitely one of the defining moments for me so far.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Still my dad. He and I really connect on a wave length that I don’t connect with other people on. When I was away, he would send me letters just little cards and he would put some sort of Buddhist saying or some advice and they would always come at the right time. He was about to send me one for the last week and it was the silent week and we weren’t allowed to receive any mail. So he gave it to me afterward and he was like “This is the letter I was going to send you at the monastery. You’re only allowed to open it after you finish a really deep meditation session.” So I was like, cool, that will push me to actually doing one. So after two weeks of doing little 15 minute meditations, I sat down and did a full 35 minute sit and I opened the letter and it was blank. I was like, ok. It can be interpreted in anyway that you want to interpret it. There’s a thousand different things he could have put on that, but that fill in the blank did speak to me. It was a very cool moment.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Put your phone down. You really don’t need it as much as you think you do. It’s actually ruining your life. You’re not enjoying yourself and you know it. You’re not getting what you think you’re getting out of it. It’s literally ruining your life. For the first week at the monastery, I was really good at not having my phone. The last few weeks I was a little bit worse with like sneaking into the bathroom and checking my phone. I really wish that I hadn’t. I almost feel like I would have gotten more out of it. When you’re forced to just sit and be with yourself and just sit in nature and just look and pay attention to the people around you, what’s going on in your head, etc. We’re not in touch with who we are as people. We’re not in touch with the world. We’re not in touch with nature. I don’t want to be anti-technology because yes, there’s good things about it, but we’re so very much abusing it. I see it in my niece and nephew where they don’t know a life without their electronics. They spend most of their life on a screen. That’s all they do. They don’t know any better. You can’t blame them. They’re not happy. They’re not happy kids. I’ll just be on my phone here since coming back and I’ll just be refreshing different apps and just scrolling through and I know I’m not enjoying what I’m going. I just can’t stop. I know that that’s not just me. It’s gunna continue to become more and more of a problem. So I wish that we were just more aware as a society of the dangers of technology and what this is doing to us as people and what it’s doing to our brains. It’s not good. We’re not a happy society and a lot of that is because of the access to technology.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

He’s cool. He’s pretty cool. I think he and Buddha would get along. There’s actually an anime where Jesus and Buddha are roommates. They decide to take a vacation to Japan together. Like, they’re deities. They’re Jesus and Buddha and they just met and they’re like “Yeah, let’s go on vacation.” And the first thing they do is go to Disneyland! Tokyo Disney Sea! That’s the first thing they do and it’s hilarious! They get along and they’re super chill. There’s funny little moments where the cultures mesh and don’t work, but it’s very funny. They’re both pretty cool.

Nathan, 26, Currently Unemployed

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Right now, I would say my biggest frustration is just trying to find my place in the world. I’m kind of in between….I graduated college in 2014 and then I was like maybe I’ll go pre-med, here we go, but I was burning out so I didn’t go fully forward with that. So I’m kind of in that weird in between limbo place where I’m like, do I actually have a passion? Is that what I want to do? So now I have to actually force myself to find what I want to do and actually follow through with it. I feel like the biggest frustration is with myself. Like, just find your passion and do it and actually go with it. So that is probably the biggest frustration, just with myself and being like, here we go, let’s do it.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

Probably follow through. I do have a lot of ideas and I’m like “This would be a good idea,” but then I just don’t have the discipline to actually follow through with those ideas. So I’m trying to currently force myself to do it and apply to grad school and all that. Like, you’re gunna end up doing it. I’m gunna make you, me! So yeah the self discipline and the follow through.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Someone I trust to actually be honest with me and be like “Hey, you need to do this. This is something you need to work on.” So it’s not constantly like sucking up. At the same point, loyalty as well. They’ll be by me even if I do hit a rough patch. They’ll be there as someone to lean on and guide me through it. Humor as well. I need that light hearted bit every once in a while. You know like, everything sucks, but here we are, we’re gunna have a good time. That’s the important thing.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Not much. I don’t feel like I’m a very brave individual. I feel like I do go to bat for people when they need me, especially friends. I feel like when other people are in need, that’s when I feel the most brave. I also share that loyalty with the friends that I have. I will go for you and I will be the mama bear if need be. It’s gunna be fine, we got this. So, other people, if they need me, that’s when my courage comes out.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Everything. A lot of my family, I would say. I grew up in a very conservative, religious family and I am a queer individual, so being around them. They still don’t know, so it’s just weird living that kind of duel life where I’m not completely honest with them. I would love to be, I just don’t trust it at the moment. That can be a little rough.

6. What was your proudest moment?

I feel like just the times where I’ve been a productive and successful individual. So high school, being valedictorian, I was very proud. Being summa cum laude in college was nice. Realizing that I do have the potential to be better than I am. Right now I’m not super proud of myself because I need to force myself to do things, but I feel like I have the potential to be much more proud of myself. That’s in the past as well, like the evidence is there that I can be good, so just do it and you will be proud in the end.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

I feel like it jumps through whatever is most relatable at the moment. I don’t have one big person that’s just like “Oh yeah this person.” I feel like it’s been teachers and professors at the time where I feel like this is someone I can look up to and be mentored through this. Away from college and away from high school, you move on from them and let go. It’s just like friends, “Oh you dealt with this situation very well. I would like to do that too.” I just kind of pick and choose events and people in that “If this ever happens to me, I know how to deal with it because of you.”

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Figure out what you are passionate about because I feel like that’s been a big thing for me where I’m not quite sure. So do that searching, find out what you enjoy and follow through with it. Honestly, even if you can’t make it a profession or anything, still keep doing it as a hobby. Just find something you like and keep doing it. That is very important just for mental health. Find something you love.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

So I grew up very Christian. I was from the mid-west. I went to only Christian schools growing up and it was definitely a little rough. Especially as a queer individual, it wasn’t the most inviting place and my family and all that were very conservative. But Jesus as a person….I consider myself still a lax-Christian, where I’m like “Yeah, I believe in it all.” Jesus is awesome, honestly. He was love and I feel like that is a very important aspect where he is all about the love. I think that could be utilized a lot more and the lack of judgement and the fact that people do make mistakes, but everyone deserves to be loved. I think that’s important. I think he would be very much on board with that. I like Jesus personally. I think some of his shit gets twisted every once in a while. There’s definitely a lot of good that comes out of him.

Jessica, 25, Aspiring Actor

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

That in order to do the things I really care about I need money, but in order to get money, I need to spend most of my time on things I don’t really care about, which takes away from that time I have to do things I do care about.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

Ease of talking to people and relating to people more. It’s something you need in life just to get along. I struggle with it which makes a lot of normal life things, like calling the credit card company because something happened, a source of great anxiety, which it shouldn’t be.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Loyalty, humor, and accepting, but also not afraid to be able to tell you when you’re being an idiot.

    Loyalty because I feel like I’m a loyal person and also kind of a jealous person and if I have a friend who then kind of flakes on me or acts one way one time and acts a different way around a different group of people, I find that very annoying. It’s frustrating and also I tend to take it personally. It’s probably more just that person than me, but I don’t like that. I prefer someone who is loyal and not a different way around different people. So a true and loyal friend.

    Humor because I like to laugh and I think everybody likes to laugh. It’s hard to be friends with someone who is serious all the time. Even if you respect them, it’s hard to really be friends if you can’t share laughter.

    And the third longer one that I said because you can’t be friends with someone if you’re constantly afraid they’ll judge you. So accepting, but you also don’t want someone who’s going to allow you to do something really dumb. That’s not a true friend if you’re doing something that needs to be addressed. A true friend will call you out on it.

4. What makes you feel brave?

I mean it’s small scale, but dealing with people is something that scares me sometimes. Doing that makes me feel, maybe not brave, but proud of facing my fears. When I taught pre-school for a little while, and I don’t feel like I’m someone who connects very well with children naturally….there’s some people kids just naturally like and I don’t feel like I’m one of those people….but the fact that I would go there every week, even though I was terrified, and ended up loving it. I was pretty proud of myself.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Sharing personal struggles with people. That’s kind of cliche, but true. I think in general we like to put on a face of “this is what kind of person I am” and that’s usually a strong “I have everything together” kind of face. I guess especially if there’s a particular area….like there are areas where I make no attempt to disguise the fact that I’m not good at…those areas where anybody would know I’m not super skilled. But other areas where it seems like this is something that I am good at, or something I am together with…..confessing struggles in those areas is scary and vulnerable.

6. What was your proudest moment?

An accomplishment that I was proud of was for my sister’s wedding/Christmas gift. Background to that story: last Christmas, there was a painting in a thrift store that I had noticed when I went shopping with my sister and she told me that her, at the time, boyfriend had also noticed it. I was going to get it for him, but by the time we went back, it had been sold. He was upset because he was like “We should have just bought it while it was there,” but my sister didn’t want to buy his Christmas present in front of him. So for their wedding, I was gunna find the painting and buy it for them, but it was really expensive, so instead of buying it for them, I took a screen shot of the image online and I painted it. I’ve never painted before, but I watched Bob Ross videos and I sketched out this painting and I painted it. It took me probably over 24 hours all together. I know one day it was almost 12 hours straight! So I painted a picture of a ship and when I gave it to her, my sister said “Where did you find it?” So I must have done a good job! It must have looked like the original and I told her I made it. So I was pretty proud of that. Having no experience painting and I made that and gave it to them as a gift!

    And a “proud of” moment is whenever I see people I love and care about succeeding. My little sister, who follows in my theater-loving foot steps, got the lead role in her 5th grade play. I was at home at the time so I’d helped her prepare for the audition and then she came home from school and she was like “I got Jane! I got Jane!” So I was proud of her for that! Any time I see her on stage too. She was Babette in Beauty and the Beast and she was fantastic! Even though she had wanted Belle, she was amazing as Babette and I was proud of her. Also seeing my other sister get married and just the person she’s become, I’m really proud of her.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

I think there are certain traits of different people that I take as a role model in different areas. My two best friends from high school are people who just love people really well.  I mean I love people, but I don’t relate to people as well as either of them, so I admire that and sort of aspire to that. My parents. Sort of a cliche answer, but they’re wonderful people in their faith and their commitment to each other and just how they go through life and trust in God. They’re very admirable. They’re role models I guess.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

   This sounds really basic and it’s something that everyone hears, but it’s worth saying again: Not to worry so much about how you’re perceived. The more you worry about how people are perceiving you, the less you’re connecting with that person. The more you worry about how you’ll be perceived, the worse you’ll be perceived. So it defeats itself. If you are just content with who you are or put more interest in the other person or the situation at hand and less on perception, they probably will perceive you better. If they don’t, then their opinion is probably not as important as you think it is.

    There was a particular instance. The short version is I realized the worst that could happen is they reject me…you know, going into almost any social interaction with that thought of “but what if they reject me?” But then sort of the worst happened, but instead of scarring me for life and thinking “No one will ever like me,” I went “That happened, it sucked, but I survived.” Actually, now knowing how it feels to actually be rejected, freed me up to make sure I’m not that sort of person to other people. I can reach out to people, not needing anything from them, just making sure they don’t feel pushed aside the way I was. I think that was an important sort of life changing lesson for me to learn. I think it’s an important one that everyone should know.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

He’s pretty amazing! You know, I love Christmas for traditional Christmas things. I love decorations and buying presents for people, making presents for people, family, Christmas movies, Christmas music. What I think is the coolest thing about Christmas that to me makes it even more exciting is the height of contrast between Jesus in glory in Heaven and being all powerful, supreme lord of the universe to a baby. I’ve been around babies, they’re not all that impressive. They look cute in nativity scenes with the little halo, but babies are really not that glamorous. Especially poor babies born on the road in sort of limbo in the middle of chaos. Then going on to live a not very glamorous life. Also knowing how messed up this world is, going from perfection to voluntarily stepping into this messed up world kind of blows my mind. Not to mention that it was all for the purpose of redeeming his people, which is pretty awesome.

Joey, 28, Civil Engineer

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

I’d probably go with finding purpose for for something later on in life. Like right now I enjoy my job and it’s fine for what it is, but it’s also not something that I want to see myself doing in fifteen years down the road, ten years down the road. So just basically trying to figure out the specific direction I want to go. Try to figure out what steps I need to take towards that. It’s more so just keeping an open ear out for different job opportunities and things like that and other aspects of my job that might interest me more and just seeing what else I can change basically.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

Being more personable in a neutral setting. If it’s more a meeting or a project or like a show or something like that, I can be personable because it’s a set thing. I know what’s expected of me, what I’m supposed to be doing, all that type of stuff, but if it’s just a gathering of people, I’m more of a shy type person that doesn’t really know how to break into conversations. So going more towards that and trying to be better and more outspoken in general.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Trustworthy, funny/entertaining; like they don’t have to be hilarious, but they need to be able to find humor in situations. Reliable. Someone who if they said they’re gunna do something actually does it. I feel like trustworthiness is always valuable because then you can open up to them and you don’t have any worries about who might hear something or if it might get out or their view points on it. Funny/entertaining just because you want to have fun being with someone and spending time with them. If you’re depressed, maybe they can cheer you up out of it. Reliable just because it’s always annoying when….yeah they might be trustworthy and all that stuff, but if they don’t show up to various things over and over again, like how much can you actually trust them if they’re not reliable.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Just stepping out of comfort zones. Doing something you’re not comfortable with or something that’s not laid out for you. Like an improv scene or an improv line that lands and does well. Like out of nowhere you do that, I would consider brave. Standing up in a crisis situation that you didn’t expect and being able to lead from that. So taking up the mantle or taking charge of something when it’s not your responsibility and you weren’t expecting it to happen.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Showing people your true self, because then you have to show them all your flaws and imperfections as well as what makes you good and you have to rely that they’ll see the real you and not just the negative aspect and be like “Oh well he did this so there’s no redemption.” Just being able to freely say these are the things I like regardless of what people think.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Probably when I did [the musical] Bat Boy a little bit ago because I got Bat Boy and that was the first “lead-lead” outside of high school that I had gotten. So it was just nice to feel that rush of being the lead person and getting that final bow and all that cheer and applause.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

A lot of the people I looked up to when I was younger were people who could teach me things that made me interested in it. Like people on Youtube, like scientists and stuff like that who explain complex situations but in an entertaining and easy to comprehend way. Someone who is willing to go out there and try to help people. No real one specific person that I was like “Oh, I wanna be like that.” It’s more so just the general good role models. Just people who were willing to stand up for people. People who were willing to help and try to explain things and make things easier for others around them.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Things always seem like they suck in the moment, but give anything enough time and you’ll be able to see everything from a wider perspective and maybe you’ll be able to understand why things happen.

    I had a girlfriend for two and a half years and the break up was just rough because I didn’t really see it coming, but there were things that showed that it was not the best and things like that. So it’s more so just paying attention and not being blinded by how things seem. Over all, it sucks for the first couple months, but them after that you learn from it and you realize you’re better off because of it and you gain knowledge from things.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

So I’m not a religious person in the sense that I don’t believe there is this one almighty being that will judge you no matter what. I like the concept of religion for the good morals that it has where it’s all about helping people who need help, treating everyone as equals, violence begetting violence doesn’t solve anything. He might have been a real person that just got super amplified. If he was a person who just tried to do good and then was just taken as a religious figure, it is what it is. I think it’s good to have at least for the average person and in the average population at least a moral figure head who they can look up to. A lot of people can’t realize what’s wrong or right without being told basically what it is. Just the fact that there’s supposed to be someone what’s like “Hey, treat everyone equal. Be good. Do all that shit,” I agree with, but I don’t necessarily believe that there was a man who was the son of God and died and came back to earth. Could be true, could not be true, but I don’t necessarily believe that.

Christopher, 67, Human Resources Manager

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

The transition from being a full time working person to expected retirement. It’s particularly frustrating because I don’t know if I have the discipline to be a happy retiree without the obligations of a full time job.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

The ability to be self satisfied, to be calm within myself. I never have been and I have struggled with trying to be in more control of accepting things and not being anxious or disappointed or frustrated.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Humor, kindness, integrity. Humor because I don’t know how we get through some situations without it. Integrity because without that there is no trust. Without trust it’s more difficult to have a relationship. Kindness because I believe there’s a general deficit of kindness in what I see about the world.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Standing up for someone else because it’s one thing to act in your own interest, it’s another to act in the interest of someone else and you can always walk away, but if you choose not to walk away, I think that’s braver. Not too long ago, at work, there was a manager who was, I felt, on the wrong end of criticism from upper management and every time I went to that senior manager I told him I felt different, that he behaved unfairly and, worse, that he degraded the lady by saying it in front of other people.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Everything. That’s not a glib answer. Actually, more so than anything else these days, when my body is not cooperating. So that feeling of “Oh my gosh, am I becoming feeble? Am I becoming weak?” So age.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Wow. Nothing’s coming to mind. It’s not that I don’t have pride, I do, but I can’t think of a proudest moment.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

I will say a role model and hero was actually my mother. There were a lot of challenges in our household and she managed them in a way that I would love to be able to do. She would look at what the situation was, address what needed to be addressed, not lash out, and very much not go within herself, which she could have done. One of the strongest instances was when my father died. She had married young and they’d been together their whole lives and she just got her life together and carried on. She said when people came to the wake, your job is to take care of the people that were coming. You take care of yourself on your own time. That’s what she did. It wasn’t heartless. It was just a sense of responsibility and duty. So I really admire that. She set a pretty high bar.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Be considerate of other people. Observe. Listen, Try to make it a little bit better for somebody else. All the time. In a little way. If we do that, I really think that’s the basis of function as a society. That’s important. So that would be my big life lesson: be kind, be considerate. I learned that by watching others, watching my mother, watching other people whom I admired very much. I don’t know if that is innate in me, but it’s something I consciously take on. I think that can have a very big impact and you’ll never know it.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

Well it’s interesting because for years I would have a business card holder on my desk and behind it it said “Be more Christlike.” So my opinion, whether or not one ascribes to whether he was the savior or the son of God or however you want to define it, that that’s a set of behaviors what I believe would be very good to emulate or strive for. I don’t think we could actually get there, but I think it’s the kind of behavior model that works for everybody regardless if that have faith or don’t have faith.

Emma, 26, Music Teacher

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Lack of clear communication and that’s especially in my job because people expect other people to do things and then don’t actually tell them what they need to do, so they come in at the last second like “Why is this not done?” Because you did not tell me!

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

More self confidence. There’s a lot of things I would like to do that I just have not done yet because of lack of self confidence.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Common interests. Sense of humor. If we can joke and laugh that’s always fun. Gotta be able to be weird together.  Weirdness. A spark of madness.

4. What makes you feel brave?

This is going to sound weird, but there are certain pieces of music that I always listen to that get me hyped up. Like everything is automatically twenty times better with the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack in the background. I just recently got into The Lightning Thief musical and some of the songs from that are just like….yes go get ‘em.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Off topic, we were just talking about how hard it is for actors to be vulnerable and I’m just like “I got that! I can do that!” But I think sometimes just starting conversations. I hate actually initiating conversations. If you talk to me first, that’s fine, but I have no idea what to say to you! I have trouble starting conversations, yeah.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Long story short, when a medley I arranged got performed on stage and people really liked it. My senior year of college I did a medley of Alan Menken music. It was me and a bunch of other people in my voice studio, I was a voice major, and we all got on stage and performed it and it turned out really well and people liked it!

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

I have a lot of them! I think right now, number one, “Oh man I would love to do this” is a  person who got famous because of Youtube. His name is Nathan Sharp and he’s a composer and a song writer. He started doing covers then he did fan songs and he still does fan songs from videos games and stuff and now he’s on tour and has several rock albums. That’s just amazing to me that he just went out there and put his stuff on the internet and enough people liked it that he’s now selling albums and on tour. So that’s pretty cool.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

To quote Carrie Fisher, “Be scared, but do it anyway.” Not just me, but I know a lot of people who let fear hold them back and I am super guilty of this too. So sometimes you gotta be tough and yeah it’s gunna feel like the worst, but there are people who do it anyway and get whatever goal it is that they want. So yeah, be scared but don’t let it stop you.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

First of all, I’m not religious in any way, shape, or form so my opinion on religious things is my same opinion on any other kind of thing that’s written down, which is go for it if that’s what you believe and that’s what you like. That’s totally fine. Whatever floats your boat, just don’t sink mine. If you believe in it, perfect, if you don’t, that’s ok too. Whatever goes for you. Just don’t try to shove things down people’s throats.