every schizospec person deserves respect- severely paranoid schizospec people who struggle to form relationships, schizospec people who can't form complete sentences and struggle to converse, schizospec people who talk about their delusions with strangers, schizospec people who can't tell reality from fiction, schizospec people who are affected and unnerved by their hallucinations, schizospec people who struggle with hygiene and dressing themselves, schizospec people who can't double bookkeep, homeless schizospec people, addicted schizospec people, unmedicated schizospec people, and so on and so forth. all of us, not just those of us who can hold down jobs or be in education

Invalidating Someone's Illness Rant

tik tok is a fun platform, I'm sure most of us are on it at this point. and besides the jojo or random content I make, I've made content about my mental health and for mental health awareness. some videos are more serious than others, but I've never made fun of any illnesses- just poked fun at my own experiences.

using humor to cope, am I right?

so a few days ago I made a video under the sound that says, "I think maybe there's something wrong with me" and used an experience I had with a psychotic episode. now bare with me, the situation is as ridiculous as it sounds, but I was psychotic and fully believed this at the time.

I'd seen a scary image of something that looked like Michael Jackson (it was not him though) and, with me already being in that mental state, it triggered a lot of paranoia and delusions. so for the next few hours I had to hide in my bathroom, sobbing, because I was afraid that that thing was in my hallway and going to "hee-hee" at me (I know) and kill me. now I'm sure that you're thinking that it sounds ridiculous- because it was. I was psychotic.

but of course, on tik tok, everyone thinks that they're doctors and know you better than your psychiatrist. so I received the comment, "no you didn't, psychosis isn't a joke".

now the situation may sound crazy but unfortunately I was not joking. I have bipolar 1, mania, psychosis, and delusional thinking is not out of the question for me and it happened a lot more than I'd like to admit when I was unmedicated and still does. if I'm told by doctors that I was psychotic at the time, who should I believe, the doctors or some random tik tok commenter who doesn't believe that my illness is real? of course I'll listen to my doctor. but I wonder what gives these people the audacity to invalidate someone else (based on a five second video as well) just because they don't think I sounded psychotic enough? what about my situation doesn't scream psychosis?

anwyay, just ranting about this because getting comments about how you're lying for attention doesn't help the intrusive thoughts that tell you the exact same thing all the time. it just sucks how you can't make any content related to mental health without people invalidating your experiences.

-Juno

Dating Struggles Rant

how do I date after high school?

getting out of a relationship that lasted from my senior year until after I was twenty has been confusing. I've never met people and went out in college, or work, or anywhere as an adult. so what do I do?

recently I've tried a dating app- Hinge - because of all of the tik tok's about people's experiences on it. it seemed fun, so why not give it a shot?

let's start with the pro's: I met someone I've been talking to for the last week. we're going out tomorrow.

now for the con's: I never get matches and, if I do, I get ghosted. from what I hear that's pretty common but why even be on a dating app if you'll ghost someone for no reason?

I don't want this post to seem negative because I am happy with my experience so far. I really like the guy I'm seeing tomorrow. he's actually in a similar situation that I am. but damn, adult dating sure is weird so far.

just putting this out here because ive been seeing a lot of confusion on the subject

intrusive thoughts are not specific to OCD, or any disorder for that matter. anyone can have intrusive thoughts. HOWEVER!! intrusive thoughts are NOT random fun impulses, they are ego-dystonic (meaning they don't correspond your actual values) and often distressing. the distinction is important, and here is why:

intrusive thoughts and feelings are at the root of obsessive-compulsive disorder; where the thought emerges and is significantly more difficult to get rid of for those with OCD. the obsessive nature of OCD includes the thought distortion and prevalence of the thoughts, the compulsions are the actions or rumination that follows which the sufferer performs to alleviate the discomfort. think of it this way. OCD is like having constant itches you feel the need to scratch. lets say everyone has itches, and for most, they come and go. but for some people, the itch demands to be scratched, and while there is temporary relief, it keeps coming back until it debilitates the person.

intrusive thoughts affect everyone - but they don't affect everyone equally. some bare the brunt of them to a life-altering extent. unwanted thoughts are a natural part of the human experience, but for many people they can consume them and develop into obsessions or "themes." someone with harm ocd might deal with constant recurring thoughts of hurting people and have time-consuming rituals to "prove" otherwise. some people may have a similar thought but it will likely end there with minimal distress. while it is still an intrusive thought, and they may be distressing to you, they are certainly not a joke.

joking about intrusive thoughts "winning" and snapping as a result only further perpetuates the stigma surrounding OCD and tells people intrusive thoughts DO correspond to one's actual urges or values, when this is NOT the case and can only hurt people with OCD even more. please be respectful and try to be mindful of the degree of which OCD symptoms are minimized and dismissed. we need advocates and people willing to understand us.

also adding this: OCD cannot be reduced to intrusive thoughts. it is so much more, and people may be debilitated by any number of symptoms besides intrusive thoughts. for many people obsessional themes may begin as a singular thought, and ruminating and ritualizing may be what they struggle with the most. it's not a monolithic experience. let people with OCD have a voice.

adding this also: intrusive thoughts aren't necessarily gory or excessively violent! that's another mischaracterization. no matter the content, they are distressing to the person having it. it can be something like "what if i'm always focused on my breathing" or even "what if i'm actually a different mbti type from what i think i am" (yes ive actually ruminated over this one before lol)

Diagnosis Acceptance

I'm scared.

I don't normally admit that sort of thing, but I'm scared. Recently I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. I should be happy- so many of the things in my life that made me feel like something was wrong with me make sense now. I was happy. I was relieved. But now the old fears that I had- that kept me from getting this diagnosis in the first place are coming back.

I think I’ve known for a long time that I’ve had a mood disorder. My best friend also has Bipolar 1 and, although she kept telling me that the things I was telling her about my mood sound like mania and depression, I was in denial. The truth is that I didn’t want another diagnosis- and a serious one at that. I’ve dealt with OCD for a long time. Accepting that I needed help for that was hard enough. Finally opening up to a psychiatrist about my intrusive thoughts was hard enough. But now I have Bipolar 1? 

All of this is so new for me. Antipsychotics. Mood stabilizers. Realizing all of the times that I’ve been in psychosis and never knew. Realizing all the times I’ve been manic- for months at a time- and never knew. It’s so much information to process all at once. 

And the dreaded thought: I have to live the rest of my life like this. 

I have to spend the rest of my life going between medications and going through this. I thought things were escalating over the last three years, but I have to go the rest of my life like this? I feel like I’ve barely been able to make it through this. I’ve even started hallucinating pretty frequently with my mania, as if the delusions and extreme paranoia weren’t enough. 

I know that nothing would be different without a diagnosis. And I’m happy that I can be medicated now and hopefully cope with this disorder better. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to have this diagnosis- or any of them. I just want to be okay.

Sorry for the long rant post, I’m just really struggling right now.

- Juno

Exactly 😒

🎀 I really wanted to share this. I also want to point out that people shouldnt say shit like "I have ocd" loosely or as a joke bc my ocd literally ruins me. Like + my audhd, in terms of schedules/routines if things don't go the certain way that I planned it to I would literally cancel the whole day and feel guilty, crying in bed and shit bc I'd feel like I can't continue through the day. That's just one example too. The term Ocd should not be thrown around so loosely It's irritating bc having ocd is straight up shitty. 🎀

Autism traits that aren't often talked about

Strong sense of justice

Preferring bowls over plates and little spoons

Not knowing if someone if flirting with you

Rituals with no outcome

Not following gender norms

Making excessive eye contact

Trying to act like someone from a show/movie

Being clumsy and struggling with coordination

Preferring making friends with adults, rather than someone within your age group

Lack of fear

Being more drawn to cats, than dogs because most cats are autistic

hey everyone, it's been a few weeks

I'm sure that many of you can relate, but my mental health has been bad recently so I haven't been checking much social media at all. I'm currently trying to get into a psychiatrist to hopefully make some of the things going on in my brain a little easier to deal with

anyway, I should be back now since my mental state has calmed down a bit

to those of you who have followed in the last few weeks, welcome :) I'm happy to have you and I hope you enjoy my content moving forward

- Juno

shout out to everyone who grew up reading fan fics, which led to you having extremely high standards of love and now years later nothing besides fiction can truly satisfy you

acknowledging that there is a difference between physical disabilities and mental illnesses and neurodivergencies is not bad.

physically disabled people advocating for themselves does not mean that we’re invalidating your disorders, physically disabled are allowed to only talk about disorders that affect us without mentally ill / NDs having a hissy fit when not mentioned. /nm

i mean this in the nicest way possible, sometimes things aren’t about you. /nm

if you feel like your disorder is underrepresented then feel free to start advocating for those disorders yourself! /gen

My OCD And Eating

my mental health and OCD has been getting significantly worse recently- where my obsessions have started to affect my eating habits again

I'm too afraid to eat anything besides a few safe foods because of one intrusive thought or another. I'm somehow allergic to the food, it will break my teeth, etc. I don't know how to get out of this. I want to enjoy eating again but it's become such a chore because I'm anxious the whole time

I don't know, guys. I don't want to worry my parents because it's not like I don't want to eat, I'm just doing compulsions (avoidance).

I need to contact a psychiatrist again soon and start doing ERP.

“I want what she’s on.” The spectrum??

The phrase "I don't see a person's disability, I see their heart" or any variation of that sentence implies that for people who say this, it's hard for them to see a person's humanity when they're disabled. And therefore they have to "look past" the disability just to acknowledge their personhood.

And that is very telling.

It’s okay to stim in public. It’s not your fault if you need accommodations in public spaces. Your mobility aid is not inconvenience. Your disability is not an inconvenience. It’s okay if you need help reading a menu or if you need different menu that’s easier to read. It’s not your fault if your mobility aid interfered with someone else’s day (getting your chair stuck in an entrance), the world was not made with our needs in mind. It’s not your fault if you didn’t understand something socially and messed up. It’s okay if you need to wear ear defenders and sunglasses inside, you’re not rude, the lights and sound are just hard. You are not a bad person and you’re not a burden.

interesting how people who generally grasp the concept of individuals’ right to bodily autonomy suddenly throw that out of the window when it comes to disabled/ND people