#you should try it some time on a diff account
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I feel bad for the bsd hate acc cause they are clearly not in the best state of mind..
#like 😭#ignorance is key#they want attention in an unhealthy way#maybe if people ignore them they'll get tired eventually and learn to communicate in more productive ways#hopefully#also dazai anon if ur seeing this#communicating w other fans abt things you love rather than things you hate is infinitely more entertaining and fun#you should try it some time on a diff account#anyways happy new year to everyone#random#delete later
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How to change (for real this time)
The problem w/ most people is they read all those self-help books, advice but never end up applying them irl. They think "oh maybe it helped her but situation is completely diff from hers, more complicated. . . " stop. You can change literally anything by changing your mindset.
#1 90% of life is confidence, said a wise person. If you don't believe you can change, who will? I know this one girl who was desperate to change, she used to pester me for advice all the time and initially I did try to help her. But she always ended up back at square one. I'm not her therapist to hear her complain about her pathetic life 24x7 and remind her everyday that she decided to change and to live up to it. I slowly retracted back from her. People like that drain your energy. And she still hasn't changed. Why? She kept going back to things she said she never would associate herself with again. The same people, situations, scenarios that screwed her up over and over again. She's the human representation of "victim mindset." Don't be like her. Seriously, don't try to hate the game, learn to play it.
#2 Stop w/ the self deprecating humor. It ain't hot at all. It makes you look like you lack basic self-respect. If someone's making a joke on you, you should stand up for yourself not you bullying yourself. Build a really deep relationship w/ yourself. No matter what anyone says you should never stop loving yourself. Someone says you're ugly, you shouldn't go ab your day musing upon that and letting it mess w/ you. You need to be cold to be queen. So don't let your emotions get in your way of self development.
#3 Nothing is impossible. Don't constantly affirm that it's so hard, you could never do it cuz it is gonna manifest. Even if it looks impossible to you, be delulu. Act like you have it or at least do the bare minimum of believing that you'll get there. Do your shadow work. It's where you shamelessly admit things to yourself and work on identifying the problem, how to cope w/ it and how to put it in practice. Be 100% honest w/ yourself.
#4 Dissociate yourself from all the things that remind you of the old you (if possible). It will be a wee bit difficult in the beginning but don't beat yourself up over it. You'll slowly get there don't worry, you learn from experience. Never blame yourself or beat yourself up if you do mess up. Course you should be accountable but don't self sabotage yourself. You need yourself in situations like that.
#5 Don't centre yourself around guys, or anyone else. This is your life. It should be around you. When you start having crushes or "sp" you put them on the pedestal. You seek their validation. So why would you do smth so heinous as such?
#6 Take inspo from characters you like. Embody them. Give a name to your alter ego. Act like her. Go on Pinterest and write down some self obsessed quotes and preach them everyday (not 2 much tho!)
#7 Protect your energy. You ain't anyone's therapist. You have no time for ppl's stupid drama. It's your life and it's on you to live upto it's fullest. Be extra, do what you love, what makes you happy. Celebrate your existence.
#level up#game changer#slay girlboss#high value woman#high maintenance#it girl#self help#boundaries#that girl#feminine energy
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Re preg 46
You're so right for saying that jkkrs are held on some high level cause they can't be delulu by themselves nor they can make simple fun jokes. See i know many jkkrs used 24/7 and that was regarding them getting same job like if they get same job then they'll be together almost of the time if they don't then also they're together so i personally don't care what cult says cause at the end of the day jikook should be safe.
The way tkkrs make daily delusional tweets and get 6-7-10-15-20k likes for those tweets and they never care for someone correcting them they simply block you cause they wanna stay delulu. Just after the last ep of doc they made tweets like "omg is that jk's hat" and if you know enough taehyung has a whitiesh bucket hat too and his nd jk's have a bit diff design and people even showed them some photos but nahh they don't care, same with them tweeting how one of jk's jacket from Celine is in tae's home when that's literally tae's own Celine jacket which he wore in one of vhopeminkook pictures after live ig but do they care? No. And again as usual they underside of both jackets were different but nope the tweets is still up with thousands of likes, then they saw tae's slippers in the room where jk was boxing with his trainer and these dumb shits were like "so taekook share the same room" along with the interior of jk's and tae's room when it should be clear that all hotel rooms has same interior Plus the room jk was practicing was literally a gym room cause you can simply see same couple of instruments in the background and tell me which hotel is putting three running machines in same room, with weight lifts like is that not a common sense???? Mind u some even tried telling them that it was from when jk later joined vhopemin live after boxing and tae was not with him and only jm knew jk was doing his boxing but anyone cares? No. Then again they have tweets saying "omg taekook soul twin and they use couple things together" mind you it was a freakin mask that get's provided in the military itself and even jm and jk has wore it in their first picture but they ignored that part and were only focusing on how in one of pictures jm and RM wasn't wearing one but tae and jk were.
Sorry to mention all those tweets but I'm just pointing out how ridiculous and delusional their daily tweets are but they are still up even if someone tries correcting them with 10k likes not just small amount. Do you see any jkkr doing that anon with those many likes? You will never see it cause we're not that dumb nor we keep our wrong tweets up when someone corrects us.
Jay aka dionysustkk said that she is in a grp with korean people who's done MS and that jungkook is going to join tae after 5 weeks for the special force training but in 3rd week itself it got cleared that jikook will stay in 5th div till their discharge and it's not that only accounts it's lots of them even jk solos who belived that with thousands of likes (the implication on likes is just to show how it's not some 10-15 people but thousands of ppl) but after 3rd week when it got cleared do you see A SINGLE tkk account coming out to Accept they were wrong??? Nope. Do you see any of them calling out e/o? Nope so like why are we always supposed to be knowing everything at all times when we can only sit and make assumptions here because of lack of knowledge on things like sk's military? Are we not allowed to do that? Do you not think tkkrs would have rubbed it on our faces if it were tk? Infact i say jkkrs still gotta rub it on their faces that jkk enlisted together cause for whole yr these mfkrs were after jkk and still are trying to prove it's only for cam then i want everyone to rub it on their faces how precious their bond and deep it is that they chose to enlist under Buddy program cause you won't find any other idol doing it so yeah I'm gonna rub it. Take it if you like or fk off.
😌😳🫣.
Opinions.
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happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)
it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!
mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.
physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc
i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!
oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.
overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)
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hi zadie. i might not be here for your jake smau, or maybe even the end of cold hearts. ive been trying really hard to keep this community a healthy one but its getting too toxic for me to see this app a safe space. i love you and your work so much but im afraid it wont help me to stay. im genuinely thinking about deleting my account, this app and not coming back. i dont want to but majority of the people here disgust me. ive gotten into so many arguments over things that shouldn't have two opinions on it and its driving me insane. any tips on what i should do?
hey baby, i know im a little late with my reply so pls forgive me 🤍
im really sorry your tumblr experience hasnt been great lately and i fully understand where you're comfing from.
as a veteran who's spent quite some time on here already, in diff fandoms too, i'd really siggest you to just block and report them and call it a day. not everyone thinks the same way as you do and unfortunately there's just so much you can do.
pur yourself first, your own comfort and wellbeing and don't waste your time and energy on stubborn people who just dont wanna get it.
its smth i really recommend, don't shy away from the block and report buttons, that's literally saved me from quitting this site all together.
sending you so much love 🤍
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Ngl I'm surprised you haven't said anything about Yukari yet given how you are with her and how reload made her less bitchy
H....a....ha......hahahahahahahahfjsdakfj;alfjkajfk;lakf
Slight vague spoilers (general P3/not P3R specific, tho I wish these asks were directed towards my "Silly plays P3R" blog TT0TT):
Oh....oh anon....you don't know how many times I had to stop myself from going on a rant.
Oh it's pissing me off. "But wait she's less bitchy!" That doesn't solve ANYTHING! If I'm suppose to like her despite being bitchy, then why are they making her less bitchy??? It feels like they realize that she's too rough around the edges so they should sand her down! But then that's not Yukari right? Shouldn't we love her despite that? No? Then what's the issue with people hating her being bitchy in the first place?
It feels disingenuous. Just....*inhales* Yeah P3R is reminding me of why I dropped FES the first time I played through it ohhhh boy.
But.....that was just my first reaction. Pre-Fuuka arc. She does feel a lot friendlier.....but some of the content (that feels new rather than retranslated) doesn't.......vibe well with what we know about later.
They DID NOT do a good job showcasing Yukari's discomfort with Mitsuru. Like both presentation or in the voice direction.
Like visually, if you look at the PS2 ver of the "She's too busy for us commoners" 4/20 scene you can see Yukari does NOT look happy to see Mitsuru.
Like R!Yukari's body language DOES NOT change, but in the PS2 ver we can clearly see she's......not feeling comfortable around Mitsu. (due to how P3P operates we miss out on that detail entirely, as the scene also plays out a lot faster/slightly differently but that's for a diff comparison post. This game is suppose to be remaking the original not P3P 8U)
Then it's reinforced with what she says.
The line "She's busy with the student council" type line doesn't really sound (tone wise) hostile in the JPN undub or P3R dub. But I'm guess SOMETHING hostile (either the phrasing used in Jpn, or maybe it's the tone I'm missing out on) because Junpei points it out to her. She then does sound uncomfortable in the JPN undub while trying to be like "oh no it's not like that it's just...." response line.
And in the OG eng dub we can easily hear her hostility no need to explain that. Sounds a bit bitchy but yeah. Then her discomfort in response to Junpei matches the undub's response line.
But P3R???? Her tone in the "She's busy with the student council" line DOES NOT give any type of hostility at all. This doesn't even account for the retranslation of the line (which tones it down even more).
The old line used to be "She's probably busy with things like Student Council, unlike us." and the new line now says "She's not like us. She's busy, you know? With the student council or whatever."
The original translation gave off an inherent hostility we can easily pick up on. The second one, the only flippant thing in there is "or whatever" but after it's prefaced with.....what kinda feels like her DEFENDING Mitsu. The rest of the sentence sounds like she's defending MItsu's behavior, and the "or whatever" feels more like a "and so on" rather than "tch whatever" feel.
Combine that new translation with the new voice direction/actor in P3R......the whole line just.....doesn't hit. Which isn't good because the rest of the scene continues on. Junpei calls her out on hostility, and I'm left here thinking "What hostility???? That's the hostility of a wet paper towel if I've ever seen one!"
Then her defensive response sounds more unsure, and confused (like is she aware she has issues with Mitsu????). TT0TT When in the JPN and original english it sounds more defensive, like she's trying to cover it up hastily.
(oh and this isn't even touching on the worst portraits. Were the OG P3 portraits skrunkly? Yeah. Did they provide a clear vibe tho? Yeah.)
Like is P3R Yukari SURE she's Yukari?
The answer is yeah.
She still makes the same hypocritical errors. Such as harping on eavesdropping on a bully (and then not reporting....to either a teacher or MItsu. Good job keep it up, you're really paralleling Mako here!) And only stepping up because of Junpei making fun of her over a ghost. XP
Or after Fuuka joins. She still HARPS on it so fucking much. "Are we sure she wasn't forced" I dunno Yukari. You barely put up a stink when I joined and said I didn't want to be leader at every fucking turn. Nor did you harp on Junpei joining. NOR do you really bring up feeling forced to join (which I'm pretty sure you can't say that since when you trauma dumped on me you told me you joined to find answers >_>). But yes let's bring it up every 5 seconds, say you'll drop it, then NOT drop it. Even tho Fuuka's fine with it, and literally the only option is to leave the creepy bad place alone????
(what really sticks out with Fuuka is that....she feels fine with it in the scene, doesn't look pressured and.....we really don't get a lot of scenes with Fuuka up to that point so we have NO BASIS on how she usually acts. So it really just makes it look like Yukari wants to just stir the pot for no gd reason)
Then she ropes the new girl into committing a crime, and then NOT consulting her about it before dropping that fucking bomb during a meeting (one she interrupts btw). Acts out, gets her damn answers, keeps acting out. Then suddenly apologizes, Mitsu is like "oh ok", then Yukari is in her room being like "Oh no, did my feelings not get through to her? Did I not express my emotions right?" No it's because you're acting like an asshat! TT0TT I wouldn't accept your apology either like stop it.
Then we get to the damn beach, she finds out the "truth", the Kirijou group (aka Mitsu and her dad) despite not being the actual ones to fuck the world up, still take responsibility. Give her the truth that they know, say "it's really our fault, not your dad's" and Yukari loses it. Acts out in ANOTHER meeting, throws another tantrum. Is mood swinging like a motherfucker (which I get but...), which flips from being upset, to saying horrible things, to apologizing, to saying horrible things again, and rinse repeat. Saying stuff like "I'm jealous her dad gets to live, that's kinda horrible. I'm horrible aren't I?" (man more Mako vibes? Surprised she didn't call herself scum u_u) Like damn, she's losing it. I should totally slap her, that'll make her come to her senses, no? :0 No no I really think that would be good for her. She's at her lowest we should smack her back (to the top). That's how it works.....right? >:( ("Ok ok Silly we know your still hung up on that" and I will never not be hung up on it.....moving on 8U)
The difference is that this version feels off because she just SUDDENLY gets pissy outta nowhere (like there's not a small ramp up, it's just full mania RIGHT NOW! At least the other one was as JARRING)
Voice wise, Heather is fine, it just feel like there's......some stuff missing. Michelle could be TOO bitchy at times, but even with Heather really.......smoothing out all of Yukari's flaws (awww but I thought people loved her flaws??? Why are you smoothing them out? :0) she still is.....deeply unpleasant.
I finally got Aigis (jk at Shinji now), but man.....it was rough getting there. It really reminded me why I dropped FES the first time I played TT0TT Her and Junpei are too much.
Speaking of Junpei (small side rant, but it's because he and Yukari both were wildin' at the same fucking time TT0TT). But his blow up after the Heiro/Lovers fight..........it's just so out there??? TT0TT
I get it's because everyone is praising the leader but man...... it still feels outta left field! I think it should've been placed after Priestess. The built up to that a bit better, plus he could be riding off of having just been saved and acting recklessly.
I dunno the timing just felt off. But Junpei's feels more because of the source. Yukari feels like it's because it's half source and half new voice.
(also funny reaction I had in the Shinji arc:
*is morning at school gate*
Yukari: Hey! So I've been thinking about Shinji
Me: Stop thinking. Every time you think bull shit gets stirred just stop
Yukari: Why do you think he rejoined?
Me: Why are you so NOSY??? TT0TT Stop it!
The irony is if she actually was THAT NOSY like she always is maybe she could've changed something, but I guess she's just so wishy washy in what she gets nosy about???? TT0TT "I don't like spying on this guy and doing stuff behind his back" *proceeds to spy on Mitsu and do stuff behind her back*. Like she'll go balls to the walls one second, then "eh" the next???? god she's such a hypocrite.....'it's a flaw' and it's an entire person I'd avoid IRL.
But fr, the game's already SHOWED me enough info, but why does it feel the need to really try to spell it out for me??? Those scenes aren't optional what do you think I'm MISSING??? TT0TT)
What gets me is fans are like "oh you can't handle a girl that's a little bit mean" ????? Yeah I don't want to be around someone who is going to be mean to me wtf???? Why would I be nice to someone who is only going to make me feel not the best? TT0TT I already dealt with that in high school and lower I ain't doing it again skdjflkjfa
Tldr; Yukari is a hypocritic character that the game seems to not realize. She gets away with a lot of stuff, and is wishy washy on her morals. It's her way or the high way (and this gets worse in the Answer). It doesn't matter how much they try to soften op her voice she still has those faults and is a drag to be around. It doesn't matter how nice she decides to be with me, I can't help but shake the feeling she'll screw me over too. (not as much as I don't trust Junpei, but still enough for me to doubt her word every time she talks).
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wawnin 4 vent..
pumpkin pumbkin :(( m rlly rlly sads n upsets n angrys cuz I asked sum1 in a discord serber m in 4 da invite 2 a different serber dey aadvertised n dey was bein super hostile n scary 2 me D: is bcuz in a diff serber m had da worst mental breakdown ob m life (wasn't entirely caused by dem, is mowe like jenga, ebrytime summon bad happens a piece gets taken out and eventually one gets taken out n de whole tower falls down...) bu I feel really bad dat it happened and dat I was a bit mean and aggressive 2 ppl but I couldn't fink clearly ow understand anyfin in dat moment.. and I had apologized for it happening and weft the server and as far as u kno de west forgive me, but dey says I gibed a bunch ob ppl twauma, bu dat dusnt cause twauma!! I don fink dry even know what twauma means, I mean, the whole incident partially happend due 2 m trauma. I don fink dry should even be takin about it bc I didn gib den permission n I'm twyin to forget about it so I don hab another panic attack abt it but hey gibbin me another 1 and I feel like crying and feel wight headed and sick and I jus wanna kick n scream n cry bu also wan b cuddled n confuted bu I had no cawegiver ow friends (das not an exaggeration, I actuwawy had none fwiends) I habed no1 2 vent 2 so I came hewe.. m sow :( - 💤
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
hihi lil bug’ 🌼
im glad to you came here to vent, it’s nice to let things out and not bottle it up <3
regarding what happened, i can understand both sides of the story <3.
i completely understand what you meant- and i understand that you didn’t mean to hurt anyone and you were just having a bad mental health day/moment & that’s completely okay.
however, we have to be careful around other people as we don’t understand what people are going through. for example, i have bpd- and uncontrollable mood swings and unstable thinking can come with that, but do you see it reflected on my blog? no. because that’s not fair to other people.
i may be hurting badly, but some other people may be hurting badly too and when you’re in a breakdown- most of the time we’re not thinking of other people.
what you can do now is to learn and grow, and take accountability for your actions. join new servers, make friendship posts on tumblr whilst also dealing with your emotions- journal them out, paint out your anger- even draw. do anything to help you feel a little bit lighter & at ease with your emotions.
i know you can do it, you’re a brave brave bug after all <3.
big hugs 🫂 and try to let go and learn <3, you’ve got this!
- 🍰
#agere blog#age regression#agere community#safe agere#sfw age regression#sfw agere#sfw little community#sfw little blog#sfw little post#agere little#agere lifestyle#agere#agere caregiver#age dreaming#pumpkinasks
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How do you like.. start of trying to do NSFW for the first time? I've never written smut before, but I think I'm getting somewhere? I'm probably gonna make it anonymous since I never delve into explicit stuff and stay around teen ratings so people subbed might not expect that. It's MCYT shipping (MC personas), but im kinda scared since shipping is a lil problematic, not to mention as NSFW. Should I make a completely diff thing (blog, etc) for NSFW or just integrate it into my main stuff?
It's only problematic if you ship the actual content creators, or go against the content creators boundaries. Other than that there is seriously nothing wrong at all about shipping the c!'s and making nsfw content.. they are fictional after all.. Some people just refuse to see that and make it a problem when it isn't one. Plus if it isn't those peoples cup of tea like its super easy to block tags and stuff lmao. Don't let the stupid stigma around hermitshipping or mcytshipping in general get to you<3
As for making a completely diff account is totally up to you. If you want to keep your main SFW, then definitely make another account for more NSFW things :) cuz more likely than not, SFW stuff is looked at by younger audiences and we wanna keep the NSFW to 18+ as much as we can, and to tag it properly.
With that said! I would suggest just reading other NSFW works, learning the mannerisms, terms, etc. Then try writing it out yourself! Find your own flow, your own way of saying and doing things. Don't be afraid to ask for constructive criticism if you wish to get better and more understanding of it after posting your work<3 It's how you learn!
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Self Reflection in Relationships
Most people are inclined to believe that their relationships fail or have problems because they didn’t choose the right partner or because their partner is the source of the stress. It can feel so much better to look for accountability outside of yourself than to understand your own contribution to the problem.
My partner just isn’t there for me.
I can’t find anyone decent. Why bother?
But what if you are the problem? What if you are in a romantic relationship that has landed on a fault line and your own behaviors may be the reason?
Let’s take a look at some of the areas you may unknowingly be eroding or sabotaging and unraveling the love.
When talking to your partner about what is bothering you, how sensitive are you?
Be careful what you say – harmful words can’t be taken back. We say all sorts of things when we are angry that we do not actually mean. Harsh words may be forgiven, consciously forgotten, or dismissed, but they may still linger in your partner’s heart.
Don’t forget that it is very possible to love someone and still want to cause them pain. When you are angry it is easy to forget your partner is more than the person who hurt you and who you wish to hurt back.
No matter how angry you are, try to remember that most of the time you also love your partner.
Do you talk to your partner about difficult subjects when you feel close to them, or when you are angry?
If your partner comes home late when they have promised to be home early, are you one of those people who gets satisfaction venting your anger, especially if you can manage to get an apology and a promise to try harder in the future?
Most people respond to anger by being defensive and are not likely to listen fully to your concerns. When you direct your anger at your partner, emotions will likely be stirred up that interfere with their ability to have empathy for your point of view.
Instead, if you are angry about something, you could say, “You know I’m upset but I think it would be better to talk about the issue at some other time when I’m not so mad.” When reintroducing the uncomfortable issue, ask your partner if it is a good time.
Are you aware of your partner’s hot buttons? If not, you need to be.
Many people feel that the main problem in their relationship is their partner’s emotional hang-ups. Perhaps you think your difficulties stem from you partner’s insecurities, moodiness or temper. Though one of you may have more insecurities than the other, each of you enters into your intimate relationship carrying some emotional baggage.
Perhaps, without knowing it, you may be tapping into your partner’s particular sensitivities. The reaction can be like stepping onto a landmine and getting hit with an explosion.
The first step in avoiding this type of entanglement is to know your partner’s hot spots. Think carefully about what has led to previous troubles. What things are your partner particularly reactive to? Some common hot spots that can lead to arguments include:
Your partner gets annoyed if you ask them what they are feeling.
Your partner can’t stomach “endless” discussions of problems.
Your partner becomes overly sensitive when you tell them they are doing something incorrectly.
Conclusions
Yes, I am an expert in human relationships. I help couples and individuals resolve disputes and cool down hostilities. However, like everyone else I can lose sleep over relationships in conflict.
It took me a long time to realize that the key to resolving interpersonal disputes is not found in getting people to treat me differently. In other words, figuring out what is wrong with others and defining why they aren’t behaving in ways I want them to, is not at all useful.
Once I stopped holding others responsible for my discomfort and moved beyond thinking they should change and be more like me, I felt liberated by the idea that I can look internally and concentrate on putting these insights to work in ways that help me to act differently in the future.
Blaming others is easy. But, the key to resolving conflicts is not what’s wrong with “them.” Once you understand the forces that maintain your self-defeating behaviors you can learn to react differently. Yes, it’s me!
If you have any questions, click here to schedule your initial consult.
#self reflection#relarionships#healthy relationships#couples counseling#romantic relationships#individual counseling
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prefacing: diff anon
even if you were to compare sexuality slurs to racial slurs (which imo they’re simply not comparable and so is this whole reclamation thing. it’s all just trying to copy how the n-slur functions) it shouldn’t be you saying some of my ancestry is black (im not 100% sure of all your background but i think you’ve mentioned it’s not like there’s a singular parent/gp that black.) so why can’t i say the nword if bis can use dyke. a more apt yet imperfect comparison would be with direct ancestry biracials and bisexuals. part oppressed part oppressor = whole other thing. but the structures that be were made for one or the other. the slur that targets black people would target biracials too but it doesn’t mean someone like say drakes son or logic by should be saying it to any black person. but logic using it would still be different from a nb north african using it. i don’t have to be comfortable with logic or any other light skin biracial using it and they can’t force me to be comfortable either. i do find it cringe when online bis try to justify using dyke like if people are actually calling you that irl what’s the whole point in trying to make people online comfortable with you using it? like if you truly believed that you’re justified in using it why must you go to people that you know don’t to try and convince them? very telling imo
lol just as a note im not arguing for my ability to use the n word, i don’t want to use it and i wasn’t even rly arguing about being able to use it on account of my black ancestry at all either but rather pointing out that even if u aren’t perceived as black (ppl irl don’t magically know im part black, im just gonna be read as brown. they just usually doubt that im arab and think im an unrelated race to what im mixed w) sometimes racists will call u the n-word. like prejudiced ppl aren’t like super caring about ensuring they use the precise slur towards u 100% of the time but that doesn’t mean that slur actually refers to u and thus can be reclaimed by you. you are right tho that me reclaiming it as someone from intergenerationally mixed ancestry would be different from a biracial person with a black parent & more direct black ancestry doing so. but my argument wasn’t in regard to my blackness fhdhdhs i didn’t word that right initially ig. my point was that ppl don’t necessarily call u slurs accurately but it doesn’t mean u can reclaim it. i mean the other anon said she was even called the f slur for example.. that word doesn’t even apply to women! and when we make it about being able to say the f slur it’s even more blatant why thats not ok: the f slur means “gay man”… so why would a bi woman be able to call herself that without it being homophobic?
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Orx orange transmitter module
#ORX ORANGE TRANSMITTER MODULE HOW TO#
#ORX ORANGE TRANSMITTER MODULE MANUAL#
If need be re-bind to model but this should not make a difference, but seems to work every time if re-bind process is used.Try rudder, if not working unplug C130x, switch off radio and try again.OrangeRx should be flashing a single pulse on the LED.Should connect quickly, but wait for ESC initialisation tune.Immediately connect battery to Blade c130x after bleeps (within 1 second for best results).Get ready but wait for final bleeps from OrangeRX unit.Place radio around 1m-2m away (not too close!).However, it seems to have worked since changing the ID so that is definitely worth a try!ġ = off, 2 = off, 3 = on, 4 = off, 5 = on, 6 = off, 7 = off, 8 = off I read on for this model that it could fix the issue, and while sceptical because I’d spent several hours trying all options and DIP switches in all position. The key to getting this working seems to have been changing the OrangeRx ID. However, following this exactly results in a connection most of the time. Some Success with Taranis, although does not always connect correctly leaving Throttle and Rud not active. OrangeRx DSMX-DSM2 Devo 2.4GHz Bind and Fly Instructions I know this is an old thread but I thought I'd post this away since I spent at least 3 hours getting this to work with my Blade C130x (I also like to use separated inputs for throttle, collective, gyro - Flight modes to change modes (so you can announce FM changes and smooth transitions) - TH as a flight mode (announcable) - LS for switches (single place of assignment - easy to change) - But I am a bit of a perfectionist ) (for the Orange module, +/- 77 is enough - equivalent of TA +/-100 on Spektrum TX's).ĭo you want me to post a corrected model? (no SF for TH). The throttle channel is set to +/-150, this is a little extreme. *IF* test shows throttle reversed, reverse throttle channel in Outputs AND change the "Special Function 4" to Override CH1 100 (see why I do not like SF for throttle hold - non-intuative). **** If motor does not start **SLOWLY** move the throttle stick back to the bottom (if the motor starts, move throttle stick to top to stop motor - throttle channel is reversed). **** If motor starts, move throttle stick back down to stop motor. **SLOWLY** move the throttle stick up till at top Ensure bound (moving throttle stick should move swash up and down) Ensure TX on SE(up) (linear throttle) and SF(dn) for throttle hold. Steps: (maybe remove blades from mCPX BL to prevent problems) Without changing your TX model, ways to test: It is best not to use the special function to TH and use a mix (or better yet separate inputs like I explained in Basic Heli Setup in: I do not like this as it does not take into account channel reverses. Your SF(dn) special function should act as TH and set throttle to -100. mCPX BL will not arm the throttle unless it sees -100 on throttle. Orange have really dropped the ball here.įollowing the pms I have attached my eepe file once again thanks
#ORX ORANGE TRANSMITTER MODULE HOW TO#
Many posts on how to mount one of these in a Taranis or Tunrigy module bay. Happy with the old ones).Īnother solution is to find a second hand low end Spektrum TX and recover the module from that. Maybe a bit of hack work can reposition the switch bank to the outside (I don't have this module to test.
#ORX ORANGE TRANSMITTER MODULE MANUAL#
At least then you can use manual mode to enforce the correct protocol, but the removal of the module to access the switches will get tiresome. Until Orange fix these problems with the auto mode (like allow a switch to a manual model like there used to be), choose the DSM2/DSMX/Devo switchable module. The order of precedence of the modules binding.: The auto bind sequence will bind at DSMX 22ms (1024 resolution) and there is no way to force it not to. It is preferred to bind at DSMX 11ms (2048 resolution). If I had the DSM2/DSMX auto module fly want to fly any model that uses a different protocol to the previous model I flew, I'd need to re-bind.Ī 450X (AR7200BX) will bind DSMX 11ms and DSMX 22ms. (Order DSM2/DSMX/Devo switchable or get a low the Spektrum TX and recover the module to mount manually) Did some research today on behalf of another HF having issues with the DSM2/DSMX auto module (from HobbyKing).įor those that want to fly Blade BNF gear with Taranis or Turnigy (or any other JR module compatible transmitter), I'd suggest you give this one a miss.
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disney+ & bust
this is part of my netflix & chill collection !
summary; There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door.
warnings; arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of degradation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment, unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, return of mean jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf
miscellaneous; ANGST, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans
word count; 13k !!
notes;
me: *writes couple who’s whole arc is being silly* y’all: MAKE THEM SUFFER GIVE US ANGST!! u ask I deliver so now we all suffer 😐 ngl it was hard writing this fic n u might notice there’s some parts that seem weird n that’s bc this was TWO fics w diff wording but I ended up mixing them bc I’m insane. still had a lot of fun! felt like I challenged myself!! not proofread bc when I say we suffer we SUFFER
please let me know what you think!!! a simple ask goes a long way <3
previous part: kissanime & foreplay
Approximately one week after The Bullet Bestie’s rise to prominence, Jungkook grows annoyed with it as his weirdly competitive nature rears its ugly head the more and more orgasms that little vibrator coaxes out of you. It turns on a weird switch in him, something slightly stuck up and snooty that he’ll never admit to out loud but is there nonetheless. By the following Friday, The Bullet Bestie is nestled deep in your garbage can and Jungkook’s back to pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers alone.
He had those moments in him, the ones where he liked to think he was better than any and everyone else, and occasionally they manifested against inanimate objects like a bullet vibrator.
Despite his polite and generally soft exterior, you catch glimpses of that cocky spirit more than anyone else. Over the past year, you’ve come to realize that Jungkook’s personality was like a coin that had been left out in the sun too long. He had this sweet and reserved nature you saw most times, a kindhearted boyfriend who adored you almost as much as you adored him. He was your angel whom you knew had a heart of gold, even if you were slowly bringing out his more childish tendencies. You knew him like the back of your hand, knew what his mom’s favorite color was and how he liked to stack the plates in his cabinet according to size and make. It was a side that was rusted from years of being out in the sun, basking in its adoring warmth, and you loved every inch about it.
And still, there was this other side to him you rarely saw. This cocky asshole who hid beneath the soft smiles and careful hands, making his appearance only through sly smirks and a tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. He was a braggart, a man who knew his greatness yielded for no one and wanted that fact shoved down everyone’s faces. This Jungkook, this other side that never saw the light of day, was like the Hyde to his Jekyll. An unexpected, almost mean side to him that only dared make his appearance when his exhilaration was at an all-time high. Like when he was fucking you into another dimension, or kicking your ass in Mario Kart, or like now, when he was receiving an award at an annual tech ceremony.
On the eve of your one year anniversary, Jungkook’s company invites him to an awards ceremony for other web and app developers like him. It’s a grand event, filled with all the biggest nerds in the developing industry here to present the baby nerds with awards. Jungkook lies somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, both a seasoned player and a rookie all at once. He spends the night tolling you around in a floor-length gown and fangirling over all the “legends” in the room.
You know next to none of these people and none of their accomplishments but still pretend you respect them to hell and back. By the end of the main dinner, you’re sympathizing with Barbie’s ever-smiling features because your cheeks feel sore.
Towards the end of the night, Jungkook wins that random award— okay, who were you fooling? He wins the Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award, recognizing him for all the hard work you’ve seen him put in this past year. It’s probably the highest recognition he can receive at this point in his career. It was an esteemed award that was bestowed upon only the most innovative developer of the year among tech companies, something Jungkook had briefly mentioned he always wanted. It’s basically the equivalent of placing first place in his field, but given Jungkook’s competitive industry and his young age, you think it’s like telling all these old Facebook lords to suck his big fat cock. (But that was your job when you got home.)
He gives a short little thank you speech, promising to work hard and own up to this title. The people around you are swooning, obviously endeared with his soft puppy dog features and melodic voice. They don’t know him like you do, don’t know that uppity twist to his grin like you do. It doesn’t slip off his face even when he steps down off the stage, arms wide open as he comes barreling towards you. Even with you in his arms, the congratulations that are thrown from every direction ring loudly in his ears and swell that ego of his.
The night goes like that for the most part, Jungkook’s acquaintances approaching him every few minutes to rain down their praises. He goes a little crazy at the open bar after a while, shoving the gold trophy into your arms as his beloved work seniors whisk him off for drinks. You don’t mind because you resigned yourself to a night of playing Jungkook’s perfectly perfect partner anyway, watching him politely mingling with his coworkers. Despite his earlier success, you know he won’t brag about it verbally. No, he’ll wait until the two of you get home—your place or his—and remind you how amazing he is with a quick snap of his hips.
As you said, he’ll never boast aloud.
However, that doesn’t mean you won’t.
“That’s my boyfriend,” you explain to the seventh person that greets you that night, excitedly pointing to where said boyfriend was slowly losing all sense of self by the bar. You don’t know anyone here beside Jungkook, and you’re pretty sure no one in their hammered minds is going to remember who you are anyway, so a little gloating never hurt anyone. “He won the ‘I’m Better Than Everyone Else’ award tonight,” you emphasize to the tipsy woman beside you who only laughs at your exaggeration. You assume she’s like you, accompanying one of the many developers here, because as soon as you finish boasting about Jungkook she moves to brag about someone too.
Truth be told, you spend the whole night re-analyzing the Zootopia movie you saw on Disney+ the other night in your head. So if the little fox fellow didn’t control himself would the city have fallen to ruins? Why was the useless sheep girl so evil and bitter? Why was there an unreal amount of romantic tension between the fox and the rabbit? Whatever, you’ll have to rewatch it some other night, and with your new Disney+ account, you could watch it anywhere you wanted to.
Now, you had never bothered to purchase a Disney+ subscription or even tried to swindle Jungkook for his password before. As far as you know, Disney+ was filled with old tv shows from your childhood, sitcoms that made you laugh when you were ten. There’s nothing wrong with that, but personally, you were a firm believer that that which was perfect should not be touched once finished; in other words, you were utterly terrified you’d rewatch an old episode of The Wizards of Waverly Place, only to find out the same joke you’ve been regurgitating for the past ten years doesn’t actually go that way.
However, the harsh reality was that Disney+ was good for a few things. Ugh, you hate when giant corporations provide decent services. Aside from Zootopia, you’ve watched about every animated media on there as well, all of which you replay in your mind as Jungkook has the time of his life with these nerds, knocking back champagne glass after champagne glass.
Anyway, the night ends a little past midnight, and Jungkook who is buzzed on alcohol and high on exhilaration ends up calling an Uber for the two of you. Your apartment— the new one he had not only helped you hunt for but also helped you move into, greatly cutting the cost of movers out with those glistening biceps and thick thighs —is still going through her rebellious phase where the potted plants are trying to take over, courtesy of Kim Namjoon. So for now, there’s a potted plant in an awkward corner that both of you stub your toe against on your way to your bedroom.
You’re thinking Jungkook is going to go to town tonight, given the fact he’s on Cloud 9 and has had his ego stroked by a bunch of dudes for the past couple hours. Maybe you guys can try out the hot role-playing scenario you saw on GirlsWay a few weeks ago, or the handcuffs you impulsively bought from Amazon one Monday night. Or maybe, and this one really makes you flutter, he’ll let you fully take the reins for once.
All those lewd fantasies end up being for naught because just as you shimmy out of your gown (with the help of his hands, of course) and turn to climb him like a tree, he’s on the other side of the room getting your makeup remover out for you. And also talking. A lot. And way more than usual.
“Did you see him, babe?” he sighs, dare you to say, dreamily, handing you the cotton pads as he begins pulling a million pins out of your hair. Slowly and with a lot of confusion, you pull your fake lashes off and begin cleaning your face. “He was amazing.”
“Uh-huh,” you say, having absolutely no idea who ‘he’ is or why Jungkook is so in love with him and not you at this very moment. “But so were you,” you add. Perfect. Stroke his ego and then stroke his cock.
Jungkook sputters at your praise. He’s carefully placing your hairpins on your thigh, cheeks flaming red every time he leans over you. “Was I?” he murmurs, voice sweet in that cute little way it always gets when he’s downed one too many shots of whiskey, enough to be buzzed but not enough to be wasted.
You turn and the pins clatter to the floor and across the bedsheets. “Yes,” you confirm, ignoring his sad huff at the mess you’ve made. Instead, you grab him by the collar of that pink button-up he taunted you with all night. “You were fucking incredible and I think incredible men deserve to have their dick sucked.”
Jungkook laughs at your vulgar statement, holding you gently by the hips as you climb into his lap. “Is that so?” The soft, shy persona is gone now, replaced by the gentle stirring beneath his dress pants. You nod hurriedly, plopping down on his lap and running your hands through his styled hair.
“Yes,” you confirm, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Luckily for you, I know this nymphomaniac who would gladly gobble up your cock at your every command.”
He snorts just as you push him into his back, nose adorably scrunched up. “First of all, you know I hate that word,” he chuckles, finally gracing you with a sweet peck that only makes you want him to fuck you into the fifth dimension. “Secondly, please don’t ever say you’ll gobble my cock up ever again.”
Something inside of you squeals with excitement as he rolls the two of you over, firm body pressing down on yours. “Oh, baby,” you groan, lazily throwing a leg over his hip. Jungkook grins and then decides to entertain you for a few minutes with a sloppy kiss.
You say a few minutes because just as things are heating up, he pulls away. He smiles apologetically. “As much as I’d love to be here with you, I actually have an early morning tomorrow.”
You frown at the sudden change in events. “Huh? They’re gonna make you work the morning after a Gatsby party?” you gasp, sitting up as he gets off of you. With every step he takes away from the bed your heart breaks a little more. “They can’t do that— that’s illegal!”
From the doorway he levels you with a comically raised brow. “No, it’s not.”
You scamper after him down the hall, watch the muscles in his back flex as he pulls his suit jacket on. “You can’t work on our anniversary— that’s illegal!” you offer instead.
He stops at your front door, feet squeezed back into his shoes. “Baby, it’s not,” he rolls his eyes, leaning down to peck your forehead. “It was either I work in the morning or work at night,” he explains, giving your messy hair a soothing caress. He’s looking at you with those eyes, the ones that make your heart lodge itself into your throat and make life a tightrope experience. There’s a devastatingly lovesick part of you that wants this moment, this kind face, to be engraved into your mind for the rest of your life. You want this to be the first and last thought you have and nothing else: just Jungkook’s adoring gaze on you for the rest of time.
The moment ends too soon when he flutters one last peck against your lips. “I’ll be done in the afternoon, okay?”
You pout. “Okay, your place?” you huff, making sure to get one last octopus squeeze around his waist. He nods. “Promise you won’t be late?”
The corners of his gaze soften. “You know I won’t,” he smiles, leaning down to bump your noses together playfully. “Can’t stay away from my pretty girl too long. Besides, I have a gift for you tomorrow.”
It’s with that sentiment and a hammering heart that you let him go. With Jungkook gone, there’s really nothing for you to do now. You took the next two days off in preparation for your anniversary sex, so you don’t have to head to sleep early like usual.
With nothing else planned, you decide on rewatching that Zootopia movie that had plagued you all night, ready to dissect every plot hole to hell and back. You don’t think Jungkook’s seen this movie yet so you add it to your long list of animated movies you’re forcing him to watch.
Part of you is actually really surprised Jungkook left. Well, kinda sorta, very, but not really. Jungkook was a good boy, that much was obvious. He took his job seriously, and if his job wanted him to come in at the asscrack of dawn, then he’d come in before the sun even rose. He was a goody-two-shoes, but even so, you were occasionally able to bring out that darker side in him.
Jungkook working, like actually working in an office setting, was pretty rare though. The dude had a chill job that let him stay home most of the time, and essentially clock in whenever he wanted. Every now and then you were able to convince him to stay, tucking him beneath your body or the covers, depending on the night, and refusing to let him go the morning after.
Once he had eaten you out until the wee hours of the day, ravenous between your thighs, and then went to work the next morning like he hadn’t broken you. Another time you had persuaded him into watching every season of the 2017 DuckTales reboot through the night. When the alarm had rung in the middle of the season finale, he had simply gotten into your shower and gone off to work.
So maybe you were a little confident in your skills, and Jungkook slipping between your fingers tonight was a huge bummer. But there was no use crying over spilled milk, you tell yourself, flinging your bra off somewhere in the corner as you snuggle back into your sheets. You’re ready to tear this Zootopia movie apart, scene by scene.
Even though your apartment is a little cold, you’re comforted by the fact Jungkook will be here to keep you warm all day tomorrow.
All men do is lie.
Despite his promise to come home early the next day, Jungkook ends up lying. The meeting he had been in all morning— the same one that had stopped you from getting bent like a pretzel the night before —drags on well past noon. Then, Kim Namjoon, AKA Jungkook’s favorite senpai in the entire world, catches wind of Jungkook’s success last night and absolutely has to take him out to lunch to celebrate.
You scoff, glaring down at your phone and the impulsive messages you’d sent out an hour ago when Jungkook had first texted you telling you he would be late.
You whirl around to stomp off in the direction of his living room, where all of yours and Jungkook’s favorite foods were growing colder by the minute. You had spent the longest time carefully laying them out, making sure the fried chicken was closer than the pizza but not closer than the breadsticks. Truthfully it’s a nightmare. There are about eight stomach aches worth of food sitting on his coffee table, the greasy stench makes you gag and will certainly stick to your hair for weeks, but none of that mattered because it was all for your beau.
Your very late beau who was making you grow more and more agitated with each minute that passed. Ugh! How inconsiderate of him to test your patience on a day like this. You didn’t want to be upset with him, but this was your first, real milestone as a couple with him. You had wanted to spend the whole day cuddled up, maybe finally tell him how much he really meant to you— definitely not waking up alone with eyeliner crusted eyes and an aching heart.
Deciding you’re being a little too dramatic, you head into the bedroom to calm down. This was fine, you tell yourself, carefully laying out the damn near harlotrous lingerie you had yet to put on. Jungkook would come over soon and everything would be A-okay.
Except for the part it’s actually F-not okay because soon it’s nearing sunset and the food has gone cold so you’ve stocked it into the fridge, and the pretty sheer bra has a wonky wire that’s two seconds away from piercing through your heart, but that doesn’t even matter because Jungkook being late for your all-day anniversary celebration has already ripped it to shreds anyway.
You plop down on the couch in defeat, impulsively opening up the Disney+ app to cry through another episode of Phineas and Ferb. You’ve abandoned the satin robe that came with the lingerie in favor of donning a big t-shirt that smells like him and makes your heart hurt even more. The setting sun paints the living room in muted oranges, the chirping of birds outside the soundtrack to your lonely day.
You end up watching some other cartoon on Disney+, avoiding the Marvel section because you had promised Jungkook he could be there when you lost your Marvel virginity. Well, at least one of you was good at keeping promises, you think bitterly. For a second, you think about randomly watching one of the infamous MCU films out of order just to spite him. But then you think of that soft puppy gaze and how disappointed he’d be in you.
Whatever! It wouldn’t ever match up to the way you felt now.
Anyway, you circle back. When you’re five episodes into Phineas and Ferb you hear the doorknob rattle.
You sit up just as the door swings open, visible from your spot on the couch. He meets your gaze almost immediately, big doe eyes caught in the act. What act? You’re not really sure. In fact, you don’t even know what you’re looking at when he walks in because he’s drowning in shopping bags. His lips twist into a grin. “Honey, I’m home,” he says playfully.
You don’t laugh.
Jungkook frowns, dumping all his bags down at the entrance before waddling over towards you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, coming to stand before you and cupping your face in his hands. He’s towering over you, so tall and gorgeous but for the first time, you’re not dazed by his beauty.
“Kook, you said you’d be back hours ago,” you say slowly, avoiding his gaze. You try to keep the frustration out of your voice, but you’ve had hours to dwell on it now, and those annoying cartoon characters, though charming at first, had only served to multiply your annoyance.
Jungkook blinks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I mean… yeah. But I got you presents?” he beams, glancing back at the mountainous pile he made by the door. You look over too. There are some luxury bags squeezed in between other shops you like, the occasional jewelers' logo on the side.
You stand with a sigh, sauntering off into the kitchen with him on your tail. “I don’t want presents,” you mumble, reaching to pour yourself a glass of water. You’re briefly aware of how childish you must seem. Jungkook hovers behind you.
“What? Yes, you do,” he says. “You had an entire wishlist on my Amazon of things you wanted.” It’s his turn to level you with an unreadable expression, slowly crossing his arms over his chest.
Your frown only deepens as you turn to match his stance against the counter. While it may be true that you did indeed have an entire list of impulsive items on his Amazon, that didn’t necessarily mean you wanted them all. Sometimes you just wanted to stare longingly at a pair of satin gloves without actually buying them. You don’t know how to explain this much to him. “They’re not…” you stop with another deep breath. “Forget it. Thank you for the presents.”
Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to question you. “What,” he says in an unimpressed tone, padding over to you before you can escape back into the living room to watch the entire princess movie collection on Disney+. “No, tell me what’s wrong.”
For some reason, that’s exactly what you don’t want to hear. “Jungkook,” you say flatly, narrowing your eyes at him. “You come home six hours after you said you would without telling me why, and normally I wouldn’t care, but today was supposed to be a special day for us.”
Jungkook reels at your bluntness. “Babe, I was out getting stuff for you. I know it’s our anniversary— that’s why I wanted to treat you,” he responds, oddly condescendingly like you’re a child who doesn’t understand what exactly he was doing.
You brush his hands away from your shoulders. “Yeah,” you huff. “Now I know that. But I spent all day waiting for you,” you stress, chest puffing as you grow more and more agitated by his inability to understand you. God, can he let you go now? At least a bunch of animated, geometrically drawn cartoons won’t question you like this and make you feel as childish as he was.
When he doesn’t say anything else you stomp back into the living room, snatching up your phone from its forgotten spot against the couch. “I’m going to bed.”
At that Jungkook seems to kickstart back to life. “What? ___, it’s barely six,” he says as he follows after you into your bedroom. You ignore him, shuffling beneath the covers. In all actuality, you’re going to bed to mope and watch more animated family shows, maybe cry under the guise of the plot just being so sad. Jungkook sits beside you just as you click back on to finish off your episode. “Baby, I don’t get it,” he sighs. “You’re always talking about how much you want this or that, and I go out and get you it all but now you’re mad?”
You bite down on your lip, eyes lasered in on the pictures moving before you. “Jungkook, just forget it.”
“No,” he says, more sternly than he’s ever been with you before. “If there’s a problem, tell me.” There’s a heavy pause, and then he says, “don’t make me waste my time guessing what’s wrong, okay?”
“Waste your time?” you scoff, sitting up with pinched brows that you find match his. “I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time— in fact, that’s hot coming from you, Jungkook.”
He rolls his eyes. “What are you even saying? You’re mad because I took a little long getting presents, for you, might I add,” he huffs, plopping down on the edge of the mattress beside your knee. “You’re always saying you want this and that, but you can’t handle me going out to get those things? Do you hear how weird you sound?”
You whip the covers off of you. “Me talking about things doesn’t always mean I want them,” you defend.
Jungkook snorts. “Yes, it does,” he says. “Anytime you ramble about stuff for minutes like a little kid it’s because you want me to buy it for you.”
You blink. “Like a little kid?” you repeat, stunned by his comparison. Granted, you always knew you were the more childish of the two, but you never thought that would equate Jungkook thinking of you as a child. Something red and nasty flares in your chest. “Well sorry,” you spit, crossing your arms over your chest defensively, “sorry we all can’t be perfectly mature golden boys who would never see the light of day if I constantly wasn’t dragging them out.” You know it’s a somewhat low blow, especially because Jungkook’s told you before how his introverted tendencies were a sensitive issue growing up, but you can’t help it.
Jungkook groans, dropping his head into his hands. “Baby, don’t do this now,” he warns, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Stop acting like this.”
“Like how?” you spit, “like a kid?” Jungkook says nothing, leveling you with a blank stare from the corner of his eye. You roll your eyes, phone falling off your lap. Another episode of Phineas and Ferb had started, the corny opening tune filling the space between the two of you. “At least now I know what you think of me,” you mutter over the guitar riff.
“Oh my god,” Jungkook blurts, sitting up wildly. “Of course I’m gonna think of you as a stupid little kid, look at you,” he seethes, gesturing at the phone beside you. You flinch. “All you do is watch kids shows and whine whenever I wanna watch anything normal adults watch. You complain every single day about the most normal things, like your job? Why should I fucking care that you’re working a dead-end office job in a field you didn’t even study for— that’s not my problem, __!” he snaps, eyes narrowed into little slits. “I just won an award last night,” he says suddenly, voice back to its regular volume. “I’m at the height of my career and I’m only going up, but I can’t even enjoy that because I have to come home and cater to you,” he finishes, a loud scoff punctuating the final word.
You had never imagined Jungkook finally bragging about himself would be at your expense.
A beat of silence passes, the angry glint in his eyes quickly fading away the longer you don’t say anything. You sniff once, turning your head idly to the side where Phineas and Ferb is still blaring loudly from your phone speaker. Picking up the device, you throw it across the room where it hits his closet door with a terrifying bang the breaks the silence.
The sound snaps Jungkook out of whatever shock he’d been in. “Baby…” he says slowly, carefully, like you’re a caged animal that’s just escaped the zoo.
“I’m going home,” you say, also a little too calmly. You saunter over towards his closet where your shattered phone screen glares up at you as you yank a pair of sweats off a hanger. Jungkook is still frozen on the edge of the bed, watching you with wide eyes as you move about the room.
It’s when you’re in the hallway leading downstairs that Jungkook finally snaps out of his daze, scampering behind you as you descend the stairs. “Baby,” he rushes out, loudly bounding down after you, “___, wait,” he gasps, catching you by the kitchen counter collecting your keys. “I-I didn't mean that,” he rushes out, eyes wide and frantic as they flicker over your expression. “I don’t think that—I don’t, baby, please, just… let me explain, please.”
“Jungkook, let go of me,” you respond, shaking your wrist in an attempt to release yourself. He’s not even holding you tightly— he never would—but the sound of your heart pounding in your ears makes your movements jerky and erratic. “I wanna go home.”
“No,” he chokes, cornering you against the counter. “No, baby, please just listen to me, I-I—“
“You what, Jungkook?” you snap, placing a hand on his chest and forcefully pushing him away. He lets you, stepping back with a wobbly bottom lip. “You need to tell me how you’re too good for me? How much I hold you down because I wasn’t lucky enough to get a job like yours straight out of college?” He says nothing, swallowing roughly as you jab a finger into his chest. “Well let me tell you something,” you snarl, chest heaving, “I may be childish and a huge complainer, but I’m not stupid enough to let someone walk all over me like this.”
With that, you make your great escape. Truthfully, you don’t want him to see the tears in your eyes as you yank his door open, stomping down his steps and in the direction of the nearest bus stop. The door opens right after you tug it shut, painting your shadow across the sidewalk. There’s the scrambled sound of house slippers against the concrete that follows you down. “Go the fuck back inside,” you snap without missing a beat.
Sensing your obvious anger, he pauses before he can reach you. “Text me when you get home?” he calls out quietly.
“No,” you respond.
You would never admit to anyone that you spend the entire night eating a tub of mint chocolate ice cream. It’s disgusting and makes you gag, but it’s the only one you have in your apartment. And of course, it was brought over by none other than Jeon Jungkook himself a few days ago. Even when you’re trying to comfort yourself over how mean he was, on your anniversary night no less, you’re plagued by thoughts of him everywhere.
As much as you want to brush his words off, put on that cool girl exterior you’ve maintained since high school, there’s something different about this situation. You guess it’s impossible to brush off such hateful words when they come from someone you love and adore so much.
Were you too childish? You had always believed that side of you was what made your relationship with Jungkook so perfect. The two of you meshed well because of your differences, like yin and yang. So how had he been able to so easily deconstruct every inch of that balance in a matter of a few seconds? Was this perfect reality all in your head this whole time?
You want to tell yourself it was just a heat of the moment outburst from Jungkook, give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s never snapped at you like this before. Of course you’ve fought a couple of times in the past year, but neither of you had ever stooped as low as you did yesterday. Furthermore, the insecure part of your brain says he obviously felt this somewhere in his heart to bring it up at all. What he had said to you wasn’t something someone could make up on the spot.
You don’t text him when you get home, partly to spite him, but mainly because you had left your phone at his place anyway. You know he tried calling you last night because the call log is synced up to your laptop. He called on and off for about thirty minutes before he probably found your phone in his room. Whatever, he can mope in his regret for all you care
—is what you wanna say, but the longer he goes without showing himself to you the more your insecurities and hurt fester. Was this it? Was this the end of what was probably the best year of your life? It’s too painful to think about, to even consider the possibility that Jungkook might have gained a new insight last night and decided, hey, maybe this is for the best after all.
You drown yourself in an ungodly amount of sugar for breakfast, your laptop blaring yet another episode of Phineas and Ferb on the dining table. Muscle memory has you making Jungkook’s favorite pancakes before you can stop yourself, and by the time you do realize, you’ve resigned yourself to the blueberry smell anyway.
There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb.
It’s not.
It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. You open the door with a fright, jumping back when he slumps forward and almost crashes face-first into the floor. “You didn’t call,” Jungkook cries, leaning a little too much of his weight onto you when you reach out to steady him.
The thundering of your heart slows upon registering it’s him. “Kook?” you frown, nose pinched at the ungodly stench of alcohol wafting off his clothes. “Have you been drinking?” you ask even though the answer is staring you right in the face (and in the nose).
He groans, staggering deeper into your arms. You blindly push the door shut behind him, resigning yourself to this new situation while your pancakes grow cold in the other room. “Baaaby,” he slurs, letting you guide him into the living space. He’s unceremoniously dumped onto the couch, half-opened eyes gazing up at you. “Let me,” a hiccup, “explain.”
You won’t lie. There’s a very obvious sense of discomfort sitting in your chest, torn between two paths that you don’t wish to choose between. His skin is warm and flushed like he’s just walked all the way here in this morning sun. You step over to the window that faces down onto the street below. There’s no sign of his car; you would have killed him if he ever tried to drive in this state.
“Did you walk here?” you ask instead, deciding there’s no need for one singular path, not when you can walk straight down the middle, both cleaning him and grilling him at the same time.
Jungkook’s response is delayed, head lolling from side to side as you help him out of his sweater. His skin is sweaty beneath, scorching to the touch. “Uh-huh,” he groans. Jesus, you sort of assumed but him confirming it really set things into perspective.
By no means did you and Jungkook live on opposite ends of the earth. On a good day, a drive from your place to his took about ten minutes. But walking? Easily an hour. Had he walked all the way from his place, drunk on top of that?
You brush his hair away from his face, his eyes fluttering shut at your touch. His lips are pouty yet chapped, dehydrated from the sun and the alcohol he reeks of. “Sit up for me,” you instruct, scampering off to your room for chapstick and water.
“Anything for you,” Jungkook wheezes, throat probably dryer than a desert. When you return, he’s two seconds from face planting into the coffee table and breaking that pretty face of his. You catch him with a hand on his shoulder, keeping him balanced. “Tell me what to do,” he chokes out, voice hoarse.
“Just need you to drink some water,” you say, pressing a cup against his lips. He drinks it, but a drop still dribbles down his chin.
“No,” he groans, catching your wrist in his hand when you reach up to apply some chapstick on him. “Tell me what to do,” he stresses, “to fix this. Fix us.”
His words make you pause, the tube of chapstick hovering over his plush lips. “You don’t have to do anything,” you respond quietly, trying to finish the application so you can pull away.
Jungkook doesn’t let you go. You try to look away, but there’s something about him that looks off. Maybe it’s the raw skin under his eyes, red and swollen. Or the sad droop to those same eyes that hold you captive. Or maybe it’s the subtle tremble in his hands, the fingers that hold tightly to your wrist, not to keep you there but to ground himself. “I don’t wanna lose you,” he rasps out, shakily bringing your hand to his mouth, where he presses one airy kiss to your knuckles. “Tell me ho-how to fix this and I’ll do it,” he pleads, a vulnerable look in his eyes.
Unable to withstand the sheer amount of agony on his expression, you look away. “___, please,” he chokes out, stumbling off the couch in his drunk and desperate haze until he’s kneeling in front of you. “I can’t… I can’t,” he sniffles, tears clouding those pretty eyes you’ve come to love so much. “I don’t know who I am without you.”
You clench your jaw. “You’re Jeon Jungkook,” you murmur, slipping your hand out of his hold to run through his hair. It’s knotted and a little too greasy, two things Jungkook would usually never allow. “This year’s Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award recipient,” you remind him, trailing your thumb across his cheekbone when he turns to look up at you with those big Bambi eyes. “Sweet and shy, but you love being rowdy with your friends. You love movies and TV and organizing your shirts according to fabric type. You work harder than anyone I know and never complain. You date me, even though I’m a huge child,” you smile sadly.
“No!” he jumps, turning that frantic stare back into you. “Y-You’re not— it’s not,” he stammers, words still slurring together. “I’m a liar,” he cries, resting his forehead on your knees. His shoulders shake. “I don’t deserve you,” he weeps quietly. You place a hand on his shoulder. “Y-Y-You make my life so much better, ___, so colorful and fun. I-I wish I knew you in high school,” he admits, “maybe I wouldn’t have been so emotionally constipated now.”
“You’re not,” you reassure him softly.
He disagrees. “You bring out the best,” he hiccups, “the best in me.” Your heart skips in your chest. “I-I love you, you know that?”
You sputter, eyes wide at his sudden confession. “I… love you so much, y’know? I think about you ev-every night, ___,” he rambles, eyes dreamily gazing off into some miscellaneous spot on the wall behind you. “I can’t get you out of my head. Like you're a song, o-on repeat but it’s not annoying because it’s my favorite song, and I could listen to it for the rest of my life, y’know? My favorite song, I know all the words b-because it’s all I think about! I love... My love… I love you so much.”
“Kook,” you rush out, cheeks flaming as you try to pull him away from where he’s slumped over your legs. His passionate speech has you abuzz, body tingling everywhere until you feel overwhelmed, head spinning like you’re on a rollercoaster. “Let’s get you to bed.”
He nods sleepily, seemingly coming down from whatever alcohol induced rampage has allowed him to walk for an hour straight in this searing heat just to confess to you. “Y-You don’t have to say it back,” he continues to stutter as you guide him through the living room on wobbly legs. “I just-I just— can I?” he babbles. “Can I love you, ___?”
You pass through the kitchen space, where whatever you were watching on Disney+ is blaring loudly. It distracts Jungkook for about two seconds before his attention returns to you. When you don’t answer, he presses on. “Is that okay?” he asks, whirling around to face you, catching your shoulders in his hands. He towers over you by the entrance to your bedroom, dark curls tickling your forehead. His eyes are dark and glazed over, both in tears and an emotion so raw and unfiltered it squeezes around your chest until you can’t breathe. “Is it okay for me to love you?” he murmurs softly, knocking his nose against yours.
Your cheeks blaze. “Yes, th-that’s fine, Kook,” you blubber, placing a hand over his chest, where his heart is also hammering away. “Just need you to go rest now, okay?”
He nods sleepily, nudging your nose with his one last time, like a soft almost-kiss, before letting you push him into the room. “Yes, yes,” he breathes, his body finally crashing from his adrenaline spike. He flops down onto the bed unceremoniously, dark waves fanning across your pillows. You try to wiggle him out of his shirt, but it only gets about halfway up his chest before he blindly reaches for the covers. His legs stick out awkwardly, clad in the sweatpants you’ve come to associate with him.
When he’s all swaddled up in your blanket he finally goes limp, tiny snores leaving his lips as he dozes away from reality. You sigh, pressing a palm to his forehead. He’s still warm and clammy, but at this point, there’s nothing you can do but wait for him to sober up.
With a final kiss to his forehead, you leave the room, closing the door behind you before sliding against the wooden surface. There’s a trapped bird in your chest, wildly flapping its wings in an effort to get out, and it’s all stupid Jungkook’s fault in the next room. Stupid Jungkook who demolished and remodeled your heart all in less than twenty-four hours. It doesn’t calm down, even when you rush off into the kitchen for a glass of water, or when you try to immerse yourself in some other show on Disney+. It stays beating against your ribs and your chest until you’re forcing yourself to sit down on the couch and process.
He wakes up a little before dinner. You hear him from the living room, where you’re flicking through the options on Disney+ for the nth time that day. You’ve seen the first fifteen minutes of about twenty different series and movies by now, always growing antsy and abandoning them early on. The only reason you know he’s awake is because the shower turns on for a few minutes, and then his bare feet are heard padding across the hallway back into your room.
By the time he resurfaces in the living room, you’ve resigned yourself to just more Phineas and Ferb, nonchalantly watching the silly cartoon. (Except you’re anything but nonchalant, and your heartbeat rings in your ears.)
Jungkook hovers by the door, clad in a pair of shorts he’s left here before, and a t-shirt you stole from him. “Hey,” he says quietly, lingering by the doorframe. You nod back in response. “Can I watch with you?” Again, another nod.
Slinking over to the couch, he’s rather careful as he sits down, leaving a few inches of space between the two of you. You don’t even think he can see the screen of your laptop until he murmurs, “he’s my favorite character,” when Perry the Platypus appears on the screen.
You hum. “Thought you didn’t like these kids shows?” you ask. You don’t mean it to sound as petty and backhanded as it comes out, but that’s really no one's fault but his own.
Jungkook’s breathing tightens beside you. “No,” he admits, “I don’t. Only watch them because I know you like them.” You contemplate pausing the episode and engaging in a real conversation with him, but at this point, you’re very tired from the events of the last day. Jungkook doesn’t press either, just shuffles more comfortably beside you.
You get about five minutes in, quiet chuckles shared between the two of you, before he strikes. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, so hushed you almost don’t hear it. His hand is resting in the space between you, pinky brushing against yours. “About… being late. And the presents.”
You inspire slowly. “That wasn't even the problem, silly,” you brush off. From your peripheral, you see Jungkook’s slow nod. “I didn’t want any presents,” you mention, “I just wanted you.” You look away from the screen immediately after, pretending like the spot on the ceiling is actually really interesting.
The two of you fall into silence, the animated characters on your screen rapidly chattering away. “Oh,” Jungkook says after a moment.
You roll your eyes. They’re moist but you don’t want him to see. “Yeah, oh,” you parrot back softly, relaxing into the couch again. “Did you eat the food I left out?”
Jungkook shuffles beside you, the soft lull of the speakers soon being cut as he reaches over to pause Phineas and Ferb. A couple of seconds pass and then he’s leaning into you, head resting on your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, placing a palm over the hand he had been teasing for the past few minutes. “I thought I knew what I was doing but I was wrong.”
His voice is so soft and sincere, it makes your chest ache. You try to burrow your face against your opposite shoulder, try to hide the stray tear that escapes out of the corner of your eye. “It’s fine,” you brush off, voice choked off and hoarse.
Jungkook leans up, pecks your cheek so tenderly it makes you go mushy. “No, it’s not fine. I acted like a know-it-all and said something way out of line,” he murmurs, raising his head to look at you. His hand feels warm over yours. It’s the touch you craved all day and yesterday, the warm feel of his body against yours. You’re embarrassed at how easily you melt into it. “You’re the best thing that has happened to me in a long time,” he tells you, holding your hand close to his chest. “I had no right to say those things to you.”
You sniffle, resting your head against his shoulder now. His heart beats loud enough for you to hear. “Was it true?” you mumble. “Do you really think of me like that?”
He shakes his head, his soft breaths fanning across your forehead. “No, never,” he answers. “I think you’re incredible. My brain was just trying to justify my dumb anger.”
You nod, even if you don’t believe it just yet. But that was a conversation for later, you suppose, sometime in the future when you aren’t on the verge of tears and threatening to crumble apart at the simplest word that leaves his mouth.
“I should have come home like you wanted, thought about my words before saying them,” he says, snuggling closer to you. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop,” you sniffle, covering your face with your free hand as he presses a kiss to the vein that runs over the back of the hand he’s holding captive. “Now it just sounds like I'm just being inconsiderate of your gifts and a crybaby.”
Jungkook kisses your temple softly, gently. “Don’t think about the gifts,” he says. “Just tell me what you wanted to do, doll.”
His voice calms you, has you like putty in his arms. “Watch movies,” you mumble, toying with a thread on your couch cushion. “Be with you.”
He hums. “Then we’ll do that,” he says, reaching for your laptop again. The screen nearly blinds you when it flickers back to life before you, Jungkook’s low breaths against your ear making it near impossible for you to process the titles on the screen. “You liked Disney+?”
Belatedly, you nod. “I like the animated movies,” you admit quietly, the anxieties of before slowly melting away, even more so when he slides his arm around you, pulling you close against his chest.
Unlike other times where he’ll critique the hell out of such childish films, Jungkook says nothing as he starts up the Zootopia movie instead, the same one you had wanted to show him before, right from the beginning. “That bunny looks like you,” you murmur when Judy Hopps first appears on the screen.
Jungkook snorts. “You say that about every cartoon bunny.”
You turn your head to glance at him over your shoulder. He meets your gaze with a small smile you return. “It’s because you’re so cute,” you say softly, lips twisting playfully when his cheeks grow scarlet.
He knocks his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering shut. “Not cute, just lucky,” he chuckles. “Lucky enough to have you.” Your heart turns over in your chest, threatening to burst out of your rib cage at his words. You try to turn in his arms. Before you can say the words that have been sitting on the tip of your tongue for months now, he’s beating you to it once again. “I love you,” he confesses in a hushed whisper, no alcoholic influence.
Something inside of you blossoms, eyes wide as he chastely kisses you. He pulls away without you ever reacting, too caught up in surprise to kiss him back properly. He stays close, curls tickling your forehead as he leans over you. “You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know. I love you,” he says again, long lashes blinking down at you. “So much. It makes me feel like a stupid teenager again, going to the mall to buy a gift for my crush.” He laughs sheepishly, reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “Is that okay?” he asks quietly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.
It mirrors the confession he’d given you that morning, those slurred words and teary eyes. It had been difficult to pinpoint the legitimacy of it before, the meaning scrambled by his hazy mind. But with him staring at you like this now, like you single-handedly plucked the stars from the sky to put them in those sparkly eyes of his, it makes something inside you ache.
Still, you choke on your own spit. “I-Is it okay for you to love me?” you sputter incredulously, realizing the oddity of the same question he’d thrown at you earlier. But now, you’re both sober and you can really tear apart that sentence. Jungkook nods a little too seriously for your liking. “Are you crazy?” He blinks in confusion, brows pulling together as you slowly but surely lose the last bits of your sanity. “You’re an idiot, Jeon Jungkook,” you huff, “a stupidly handsome, rich, walking dream, idiot who goes out with stupid girls like me.”
“Not stupid,” he murmurs, closing in on you again as he finally understands the truth behind your masked insults. He smells minty and like his favorite body wash of yours.
“No,” you deny. “You’re actually, like, insane. You have a bachelor pad, make enough money to sustain an entire litter of kittens, look and talk like every teenage girl’s dream boyfriend— but you mess it all up by dating evil, conniving hoes like me who lose their shit over Disney cartoons.” He says nothing, watching you with an amused grin as you talk over yourself, basically regurgitating his statement from yesterday except it kinda seems plausible now that you’re over it. “It’s stupid. No, you’re stupid. No— I’m stupid.”
Jungkook chuckles, kissing the corner of your mouth gently. “Done?” he says, a dimple appearing on his cheek. You could kiss it away, but you need him to know the amount of stupidity in this room was astronomically high. “You’re not stupid, baby,” he says. You level him with a look. “Well. You have your moments.”
“Moments?” you repeat, standing up in a hurry that has him flopping down beside you. Your laptop is lost somewhere on the cushions, the voices faded as they grow farther away. “I am so stupid. I called Namjoon a whore for taking you out for lunch!” you cry. “I am the stupidest person in the world.”
Jungkook cackles, standing up beside you. “Yes, yes, you’re my stupid girl,” he teases, tapping the pout on your lips playfully. “So stupid she slanders herself instead of just telling me she loves me too.” He bumps your noses together, dark eyes staring at you almost daringly after his claim.
You fold soon enough. “I love you,” you mumble, “even if I’m too stupid to say it.”
He rewards your confession with a kiss, pulling you into his arms soon after. He sighs, almost wistfully. “Whatever shall I do with my very stupid girl?”
After exactly three minutes of feeling safe and loved in his arms, he abandons the living room in favor of leading you back to your room, where he pushes you down against your mattress. You cling to him, leaving him positioned over you at an angle. His chest presses against yours, arm curled around the back of your head. “Gotta get up, baby,” he laughs.
You shake your head, caging him in your arms. “Nuh-uh,” you murmur, legs wiggling when he places a hand on your hip.
Jungkook chuckles, pressing a kiss against the side of your ear. “Your movie is still playing in the other room,” he reminds you, thumb drawing soothing circles on your hip. You don’t release him, his mindless touch only encouraging you to keep him close. “Babe?”
You say nothing, relishing in the comfort of Jungkook’s presence. His hair smells good and feels even softer against the side of your face. The cotton shirt he found is crumpled beneath your fists, dark blue pattern wrinkling. Finally coming to terms with his new home, Jungkook eventually relaxes into your hold with a sigh.
“Alright,” he hums, patting your hip as he repositions himself more comfortably. “I get it. My pretty girl must’ve missed me, huh?” You nod, soaking in every detail about him in this moment. Jungkook shifts, the hand on your hip suddenly falling over your thigh instead. “Or should I say my stupid girl?” he purrs, hand slipping between your thighs. “My stupid, little girl?”
A gasp catches in your throat when he runs his fingers over the front of your panties. Your legs kick out wildly at the sudden touch, toes curling at the hands you dreamt about all day and night. “Oh,” you pant, each brush of his fingers feeling better than the last.
“What?” he says, mouthing against the side of your neck. His tongue feels warm, but the trails of saliva he leaves have you shivering. “Too dumb to speak?” he scoffs, biting down against a particular spot on your neck. You whimper, unsure if it’s because of his hands or his mouth.
“N-No,” you try to sneer back, fingernails digging into his skin through his shirt. His hands are getting braver now, the pad of his pointer finger dancing over your engorged clit. The sheer material of your panties certainly doesn’t help, each touch feeling like it’s being magnified three times over. And if it felt this good with underwear, you can’t even begin to imagine how it’d feel without.
You don’t have to ponder for long, because soon after Jungkook is slipping his hand beneath your waistband, touching your sensitive pussy head-on. “Kook.”
He uses your momentary vulnerability to ease himself from your hold, finally recoiling enough to smother your mouth with his. You moan in surprise, thighs quivering as he gets to work circling your hardened bud sans your panties. Jungkook isn’t the least bit kind as he kisses you ruthlessly, likes he’s trying to compensate for something with his movements. When he finally pulls away it’s with an obnoxious pop and cherry red lips. He huffs, glancing down to see where he’s got his fingers pleasuring you.
Your thighs are squirming back and forth, closing around his hand every few seconds. Jungkook snorts. “Huh, look at that,” he mutters, trailing down until his fingers are gliding over your quickly sopping folds. “Stupid girl is good for something.”
Your cheeks burn. “Kook, I’m not—“
Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed glare. “Not what? Not stupid? But I could’ve sworn you just spent the last few minutes saying you were,” he drones meanly, landing one light slap against your cunt that makes your hips buck.
You bite down a whimper. “I was just…” you trail off, eyes rolling back when he teases one finger against your opening.
“Kidding?” he supplies. “Well, I wasn’t.” Your heart stutters in your chest, eyes growing wide as he finally pushes himself off of you, propping himself up with an elbow beside your head. His gaze is dark and unrecognizable. “I think you’re so fucking stupid, doll,” he sneers. “And what are you gonna do about it?”
You should have seen this moment coming, the manifestation of that shiny side of the coin finally reaching its full potential.
While Jungkook wasn’t exactly shy about his interests, he certainly wasn’t tripping over himself to tell you every new kinky thing he wanted to try. You sort of guessed he had some interest in this sort of play a few weeks ago when you watched the Barbie movie at his place. A lot of that night had branded itself into your three am wet dreams, but there was one particular moment that stood out to you. That was you, on your knees, with him condescendingly patting your head. Or just last week, you vaguely remember the term slipping through his lips as he pleasured you with The Bullet Bestie.
The thing about Jungkook was that, until last night, he would have never admitted, or so much as even thought, that he was better than you. That was fine because you would say it enough for the both of you anyway. Did you think Jungkook was amazing, an absolute diamond among these measly rocks? Absolutely. (Were you slightly biased because you were his girlfriend? Skip.) However, you also had this insane evil villain complex that made you want to brag about everything you possibly could, especially if that meant bragging about your boyfriend.
Realistically speaking, he was better than you, that much you could look past yesterday’s anger to admit, and not even in a stuck-up, conceited way; he had a really good job, an architecturally amazing house, and a hot girlfriend. Meanwhile, you had a mediocre job, an okay apartment, and an insanely sexy Calvin Klein boyfriend, half of which he had pointed out yesterday. Regardless of how powerful that third factor was, he still outnumbered you three to one.
Sue you, Jungkook was amazing. Anyone could see that! Except, maybe, himself.
And if the only time Jungkook would openly brag about his greatness or establish how much better than you he was, was in a post-fight, sex-induced setting, then you were more than happy to be his punching bag. So long as it was on your terms, and not as a result of his weirdly bottled up feelings.
(Yeah, you would have a long talk about that tomorrow.)
But for now, you pout up at him, clamping your thighs shut purposefully. “You’re stupid too,” you defend, “stupid and mean.”
Something in his expression changes. Suddenly, he’s moving at superhuman speed as he snatches his hand out from where you had previously trapped him between your legs, yanking you up by the front of your shirt. “Mean?” he mocks. “Isn’t that what you always wanted?” You shiver, fingers wrapping around the wrist that holds your sweater. “Wanted me to be mean and push you around like a little rag doll?”
Jungkook looks at you for another two seconds, before he’s slowly pulling away from you, leaning back on his knees. His tongue is pressing against the inside of his cheek, jaw tightening from the movement. “Baby,” he says so quietly it instills a prickle of fear in you, tainted with delicious excitement.
“Yeah?” you whisper, sitting up tentatively as you watch him, He was a bit frightening, like a wild animal about to devour you whole.
Jungkook rolls his neck, the joints in his spine cracking as he begins tugging off his shirt. You salivate at the sight, too focused on the sinewy muscles of his body to catch the dark gaze he levels your way. He throws it off to the side, his sleeve of tattoos that wraps around his bicep and begins to crawl down his chest wonderfully unobstructed now. “Eyes up here,” he says and you quickly meet his gaze. He leans forward, muscled arms coming to cage you against the headboard. “Stupid little sluts don’t have the room to make such comments,” he rasps out, unamused expression adorning his normally soft features. “Don’t you think so?”
“I-I don’t know,” you stammer, leaning away as he comes closer and closer, eventually just turning your head to the side to avoid that emotionless look. It’s the wrong move, and Jungkook lets you know as much by forcefully digging his fingers into your cheeks and turning your face back around to meet his gaze.
A hand grabs beneath your knee, tugging harshly until you’re flopping down onto your back with a squeal. You settle with his knee pressed hotly against your core. Jungkook stays towering over you. “Dumb little girls who make me watch cartoons,” he spits, tracing a hand over your chest, molding your breasts beneath his hands roughly enough to make you gasp. “And watch little animal movies on Disney+. Aren’t they just so stupid?”
“So stupid,” you concede, subtly shifting your hips for some desperately needed friction. Jungkook snorts, finally granting you your wish with one rough slide of his thigh against your core.
“I agree,” he says, and surprises you with a hand around your throat as he leans in to properly grind his thigh into you. “All they’re good for is being dumb little sluts with good pussy,” he murmurs darkly, thumb pressing into the side of your neck forcefully. “Sometimes, they don’t even do anything,” Jungkook continues, his other hand on your hip hauling you higher up his thigh. You mewl, soaked panties rubbing roughly against your folds. You miss the soft swirl of his thumb, the gentle prod of his fingers. Even so, you can’t deny this change in Jungkook is doing something to you, riling up a part of you that you hadn’t known existed. Maybe it’s the horniness from yesterday that was left unfulfilled, the one year anniversary sex that was put on pause. “Just lay there and take it, too fucked out and dumb to say anything.”
His fingers loosen for the briefest of seconds and you gasp for breath. “That’s terrible,” you whimper, rolling your hips up into his thigh, so close to his swollen cock.
Jungkook chuckles without an ounce of humor, pressing your foreheads together as he helps grind you to completion. “Isn’t it? I think that stupid little girl is cute though.”
“I’m sorry,” you blurt, vision spotting as he tightens his hand back around your throat. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you moan, stomach tight from all the stimulation.
Jungkook hums, slowing you down with a tight grip on your waist. “Hm, what are you sorry for?” he croons, pink lips pulling into an evil smile. “You said you weren’t that stupid girl, __.”
You shake your head, trying to roll your hips up again but he’s holding you too tightly now, rendering you immobile beneath him. “I am,” you choke out shamefully, grabbing at the hand on your hip in a feeble attempt to remove it. “I am a stupid little girl.”
Jungkook smirks, leaning down to slot his mouth over yours. “That’s right,” he murmurs, “nothing but a dumb little slut.”
You shiver, opening your mouth when he slides his tongue against your bottom lip. He’s not the slightest bit nice, and more messy than usual. He pulls away with a bite to your lower lip, meeting your trembling gaze with that same unrecognizable glint in his eyes. “Come on, dummy, keep up,” he snarks before devouring you again. You try to, you really do, but he’s moving like an animal today, despite his slow and drunken movements from that morning. So you end up with his saliva dripping down your throat, clinging to the corners of your lips as he begins slowly grinding you against his thigh again. He flashes you a wicked smile, pearly teeth on display for you as he glances down at your messy appearance.
“Are you gonna touch me?” you ask, lower lip trembling at the thought after your desperate rutting. Jungkook purses his lips together in thought.
“Mmm,” he hums. “Don’t know yet.”
You whine. “Jungkook, please,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist. “I need you.”
Jungkook chuckles, running his hand up your waist and taking your shirt with him. He slips his fingers beneath your bra, pushing the wire over your chest as he mouths at your neck. “Cute,” he says. “Can’t do it yourself?”
You tremble, chest arching into him as he rolls your nipple between his fingers. “I-I can,” you gasp. “Just feels better with you.”
Jungkook follows your statement with a nip against your skin, tongue soothing over it right after. “Why? Because I do everything better than you? Even make you cum better than you?”
Your cheeks heat up at his blatant ego rearing its head, hands carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. You say nothing, and that only eggs Jungkook on. “Come onnn,” he teases, finally, finally rolling his hips down onto your core. You squeak, head falling back against the pillows as you’re granted the one thing you’d been chasing. “Say it.”
“Say what?” you ask, voice wobbly as he continues to slowly rut against you, the front of his shorts pressing against the soaked crotch area of your panties. “Oh, oh, Jungkook,” you whine.
Suddenly he bites down harshly, teeth digging painfully into your skin. You yelp in surprise, pussy throbbing at the pain that shoots throughout your body. Jungkook pulls away and doesn’t bother soothing over it as he leans up to capture your jaw this time. “Say you’re a stupid little slut who can’t do anything without me,” he purrs, kisses too soft for the words he says.
Your mind blanks, torn between the humiliating phrase he wants you to say and properly checking him in his place. In the end, it’s with a twisted need to please him that you’re repeating the words back to him. “I-I’m a stupid slut,” you whimper, fingers digging into his shoulder blades as he continues pushing you right along the edge. The rope pulled tightly in your core is slowly being pulled apart, threads hanging on for dear life. “Can’t... can't do anything without...”
“Without who?” he asks, reaching down and untying the front of his shorts. “Can’t do anything without who, baby?”
“Without you, without you,” you cry, bucking your hips up against his, the combined movements of both your bodies making you shake like a leaf. “Ah, K-Kook,” you wail, hips stuttering as your orgasm finally swallows you up. Your panties quickly grow wet and icky from your own arousal that pools between your thighs. Jungkook lets you writhe beneath him as you chase your high, mouth sucking a pretty blossom against your jaw.
You know better than to expect the night to end here, especially after seeing the glint that had been in his eyes as he watched you unravel.
He leans close, let’s his nose brush against yours as you catch your breath. “So perfect for me,” he groans, slotting his lips against yours. You can barely keep up with him, languidly going along with his hot tongue. “Perfect, perfect girl,” he murmurs, a stark change from the less than friendly adjectives he used just moments before. “Tell me you love me?” he says softly.
You nod, mind fuzzy as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Love you,” you exhale, letting your fingers knot in his hair. Your proclamation does something to him, makes him grind the front of his cotton shorts hard against you. For someone that was often rough and brutal with you in bed, he sure was sensitive to the mushiest of things.
“Don’t deserve you,” he huffs, hot breath fanning across your skin. He switches gears fairly quickly. “Tell me you hate me,” he begs hoarsely, rutting against your soiled panties. “Tell me I’m a piece of shit and you could do better without me,” he pleads, voice too airy to be another one of his usual sex-induced thoughts.
You shake your head, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he rolls his hips. “It’s not true,” you whisper, “I love you more than you’ll ever understand.”
Jungkook groans, suddenly winding back and tearing your ruined panties down your legs. You gasp in surprise, letting him haul you about in his blind, self-inflicted rage. “Stupid, stupid,” he huffs, though at this point you can’t tell who it’s directed at. With your underwear out of the way, he wastes no time plunging his fingers back into your cunt, bypassing the tight ring of muscle around it without any of his usual care. “You should hate me,” he snarls, lips pressed against your ear.
You moan, back arching at the sudden pleasure that blossoms between your thighs. “I-I don’t,” you gasp, toes curling.
Jungkook groans, the sound traveling down your spine and straight into your pussy. “Stupid girl,” he huffs, slipping an arm around you to pull you so close until you can’t breathe, chests lined up together. His skin is warm to the touch, scorching almost. “Fuck,” he groans, curling his fingers inside of you. You whimper and moan, incapable of staying still beneath him as he tortures you with a thumb to your clit. “Tell me you hate me,” he seethes again.
Despite the fog that’s settled over your mind, you still manage a resolute shake of your head. “N-no,” you cry, digging your nails into his back. They run dark red lines over his skin, making him hiss at the sting.
Whatever punishment he’s trying to put himself through is falling through with your refusal to admit such a thing. It aggravates him even more, your adamant stance on loving him so, and he’s retracting his fingers before you can cum again. “Please,” he chokes, face tucked into your neck. He’s sloppy with his movements; as he pulls his shorts down and kicks them away, he nearly suffocates you with his weight. “I don’t deserve you, ___, please.”
“I love you,” you whimper for lack of explanation. Jungkook leans back, that same madman gaze in his glossy eyes. He’s looking at you in disbelief almost, pouty lips puckered and swollen. Your hands slip from around him, falling on either side of your head.
Like a cobra he strikes, collecting your wrists in one hand he pins above your head. The sudden movement has him leaning in close, lips brushing over yours. His lashes are coated in a wetness he refuses to acknowledge, looking at you like you drive him insane. “If you ever try to leave me,” he whispers, jerky breath fanning over your skin, “I’ll lose my mind.”
He loves you so much it aches.
“I won’t,” you whimper, feeling your own eyes well up with an emotion that consumes every inch of your being. “I’ll never leave you, you stupid, stupid boy.”
A faint smile crosses his features at your words, lips quirking to the side. You relish in it for all of two seconds before he’s ramming his cock into you, your sensitive walls spawning around him. You sob loudly, eyes rolling back into your head. Your legs instinctively hook themselves around his waist, digging into the base of his spine as he rolls his hips into you.
You feel full and complete like he belongs there in this moment and every moment after this. It makes your heart constrict painfully. Jungkook’s soft groans follow your more unraveled noises, the vulgar slapping of skin on skin the underlying melody to it all. “Ffffuck,” he spits, greedily swallowing your moans up. You whine, arms bucking in an effort to hold him close. But he’s determined in his act of restraining you, long fingers tightening around your wrists until they hurt. “I warned you, didn’t I?” he huffs, snapping his hips into you.
Your walls clench around his hard cock, the drag as he exits sending shivers throughout your body. Jungkook’s body towers over you, glistening in sweat as he nails you into your mattress. “Remember what I said?” he asks, voice but a shuddery exhale. You shake your head numbly, overwhelmed by the rough drag across your walls. “All those months ago, when you first came over,” he adds. The hand on your hip abandons its post to cup you beneath the jaw, palm pressing sinfully against your throat enough to block the tiniest of airflow. “I’ll fuck you and keep you forever,” he murmurs, voice deeper than the pits of hell. He licks a fat stripe over your cheek like you’re nothing but a sweet for him to devour. “Do you remember that, pretty girl?”
You nod jerkily, hips arching up into him when he thrusts into you again. It’s a memory that replays in your mind every so often, your first night with the man you had planned to humiliate over a mere misunderstanding, now your boyfriend of one year. “Want that,” you gasp, tears blurring your vision when he begins picking up the pace. “Wanna be y-your pretty girl forever.”
Jungkook groans, kissing the corner of your mouth. His thighs are some magnificent beings, keeping his pace consistent even as he loses himself in his overwhelming need to kiss you. “Always,” he manages, soft lips pressed against yours. “I won’t ever let you leave.”
A shriek tears itself from your lips as he picks up that harsh piston, releasing your jaw to hold both wrists above your head. It makes his curls dangle in front of his eyes, covering that beautiful dark gaze. It makes his thin little necklace swing back and forth too, though it’s too small to actually touch your face. The rhythmic swing has you hypnotized, just like everything else about Jungkook.
With the length of his hair, you’re left staring at his lips, pulled taut between his pearly white teeth. The word from before sits heavy in your chest, begs to drip from the tip of your tongue. But he’s moving too fast and too hard, scrambling your thoughts until all you can think about is the cock plunging into your heat. His name falls from your mouth like mindless blubber instead, arms thrashing as your second orgasm swallows you up. It sends you crashing, body spasming as the sheer euphoria waves over you slowly and then all at once.
“Perfect,” he grunts, leaning down to slot his mouth against yours, “my perfect girl.” Your cum makes the sound of his hips erotic, the loud squelching following your panting. Still sensitive from your high, your body unconsciously tightens around him, keeps his cock from fully leaving. It brings a soft whine out of Jungkook, one he tries to muffle against the side of your face.
“Inside,” you whimper, even though your body feels like jelly beneath him. “Cum inside, Kook, please,” you beg.
It only takes a few more thrusts into your leaking hole for him to finally reach paradise, hips stuttering when that first shot of pleasure hits him. “Fuck, fuck,” he growls, wildly snapping his hips into your achy cunt. You moan, feeling just about brainless at the overstimulation. His cum leaves you full, almost makes your belly bulge from it. When he’s done he doesn’t bother pulling away, simply slumping into your limp form. His cock, though quickly softening, serves as a plug for the cum threatening to spill out of you.
There’s a muted noise coming from the other room, the faint sound of the mail slipping through your letterbox, the quiet chattering of the street outside. And of course, the loud blaring of your laptop playing the Phineas and Ferb theme song. Jungkook registers it at about the same time as you, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.
He pushes off of you soon after, leaning on his palms over you. He’s got that molten look on his eyes, the heat of a thousand suns burning behind those irises as he looks at you. Like he can’t get enough, even though he’s just about taken everything there is to take. “Love you,” he murmurs quietly.
A drop of sweat rolls over his forehead, clinging to the end of his eyebrow. You reach up and brush it away, let your hand trail down his face to cup his cheek. Immediately he leans into the touch, eyes falling half shut. “Love you more,” you respond.
“Impossible,” he scoffs.
Soon after you’re both stumbling out of bed, clothes haphazardly shrugged back on as you drift through the living room. There’s a thin, hot pink package sitting at the door, just having slipped through the letterbox; the stark Sexuality Unleashed logo is printed on the visible side, so you have to wonder what Doyeon could have possibly ordered this time that could be so thin. The laptop is awkwardly sandwiched next to a throw pillow, barely open a crack. Jungkook retrieves it, sets it on his lap as you scamper over to the couch.
“More Phineas and Ferb?” he asks quietly. He hates it, you know he does. And still, he wants to watch it with you.
You nod. “Please.”
He isn’t so concerned with the plot as you, clicking some random episode to start. You snuggle into his side, quietly singing along to the opening. After a moment, Jungkook speaks again. “Phineas and Flirt?” he offers cheekily.
You roll your eyes. “That might’ve been your worst one yet,” you sigh, trying to drown out his indignant huff by focusing on the screen.
“I don’t exactly see you coming up with these,” he points out, obviously feeling wronged.
Without missing a beat you say, “Disney+ and bust.”
epilogue
commercial break one ; the resolution
Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.
#goldenclosetnet#networkbangtan#bangtanhq#ksmutclub#jungkook smut#jeon jungkook smut#jeon jeongguk smut#jjk smut#jeongguk smut#bts smut#jjk♡#jeon jungkook#mine
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Why does your more recent work show way fewer hits than usual? The quality remains god tier. I heard the way ao3 counts hits is diff now?
AO3 now only counts hits from people who are logged in, I think. Previous hit counts remain the same to my knowledge, but new hits will accrue more slowly as a result, so please try to get an AO3 account if you don't have one and view fics while logged in to keep giving fic authors some positive numbers/feedback and motivate them to keep writing!
I'll be honest, I haven't viewed my stats page in months and really don't care about stats since I mainly write for myself and when I do care about engagement, it's in the form of comments/asks, but engagement is hugely motivating to a lot of writers (including me at times, especially back when I first started writing). Even without checking, though, I do know that was a change they made in order to keep up with site traffic.
Also, just in general, some people have moved on from the fandom so hit rates are going to be lower now then they were back in 2020, but that doesn't mean people won't come back and binge through everything, or that Catradora and She ra don't still matter, or (maybe most importantly) that you should stop creating for it if it still makes you happy.
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Bro cowboy!jason with some smut would be beautiful 😭
yeehaw baby - minors avert y'all eyes 🤠
(as i was writing this i realized i was writing a female reader but if you'd like a male or gender neutral reader instead let me know and i'll come with up an whole new scenario!!)
minors/ageless blogs who interact will be blocked - read rules before interacting
what's a sheriff without his hat? (jason todd x female reader)
warnings: nsfw 18+ (no condom, pulling out - wrap it up y'all). angst if you squint.
...
"sheriff!"
you kicked in the doors to the saloon, gathering the attention of some of the patrons nearby. the place smelled of smoke and sweat, which was why you tried your best to avoid the spot altogether. however, it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so with sheriff todd making it his new hangout spot. the bastard could've picked a place with a bit more circulation as far as you were concerned.
"sheriff!" you yelled again, holding your dress up as your steps increased in speed. you saw the man in his booth with deputy harper and the rest of their little posse. they felt more like thugs to you.
"he's asleep," the woman, artemis, said to you as she opened her bottle of booze on the side of the table, subsequently chipping off some of the wood. you weren't sure if it was due to the poor structural integrity or her strength. probably both.
"i don't give a damn if he's neck deep in his grave," you spat, walking up to him. his seat was leaned back, which mean he was definitely awake. no one could balance their own weight like that and be unconscious. his hat was covering his face, some smoke coming out of the sides. asleep my ass.
you ripped the hat off of his face, bellows of cigarette smoke barreling out. his eyes shot open, the white slightly red from how he was abusing them just now. how he was still breathing, you didn't know. maybe the rumors about him coming back to life and being immortal were true.
"can i help you?" he glared, making an attempt to snatch his hat back from you. you quickly pulled back, making his seat lunge forward and his chest hit the table. you heard the deputy snort at the scene. "as my companion just told you, i'm asleep."
your glared right back at him, holding his hat behind your back. "you promised to keep those hooligans away from my place of business, todd."
"did i?" he asked you, giving you a fake grin. "well, i'm sorry little lady. it musta slipped my mind."
"don't get smart with me!" you snapped at him, the entire saloon getting quiet now. everyone was suddenly very interested in your little spat. "you're supposed to be protecting us and all you do is sit on your ass. i'm surprised you ain't collecting dust already."
"someone should sew that damn mouth of yours shut. maybe then we'd get some peace and quiet around here," he said back, getting a few chuckles from his little fan club. "give me my hat back."
you stared at him as your frustrations bubbled inside of you. that's all he had to say? his lack of concern for your issue just let you know what kind of man you already knew he was. he wanted his hat back? fat chance. you silently grinned at him before turning around and starting to walk out of the saloon. screw him and his stupid hat.
"hey!" he shouted as you continued walking off. you could feel the vibrations of his movement in the floorboards. he was coming after you. "get back here!"
you sped up, running out of the saloon and back towards the bathhouse. maybe if you got him off his sorry ass he'd be more willing to hear you out. that is, if the theft of his precious little hat didn't irritate him too much. if you weren't so preoccupied with outrunning him, you'd love to see the look on his face. you made it up the few step to the front door, where he quickly caught up with you. you pressed your back against it, securing the hat in between.
the sheriff glowered down at you, his hand pressed against the doorframe above you. you stared into each other's eyes, the sounds of your panting breath sinking up with one another. as much as he agitated you to no end, he was a very handsome man. it was the only thing that had kept you from shooting him in that pretty face.
"you've had your fun," he told you with a low tone, holding his other hand out. "now give it back."
you were surprised he hadn't just tossed you around and took it for himself. back when jas- the sheriff... first came to town, he seemed like a respectable man. you didn't cross paths very often, but every encounter with him was pleasant and memorable. he was kind, sometimes even a little flirty with you. he was a little rough around the edges. all those cowboys seemed to share that trait. but it was worse when when he returned after disappearing for a long time. you barely recognized him. it seemed he had been hardened by... whatever it was he experienced while he was gone. you didn't ask, nor did you care. he and his gaggle of dirty thugs had taken control of the town and it's been this way ever since.
"you don't deserve it," you decided to say, relishing in the instant gratification that came from seeing his expression change so quickly. oh, he was angry and you loved it. "you're no sheriff. you're an outlaw. you don't care about anybody but yourself."
you felt the hot air blow out of his nose and you had to fight back the smirk that was playing at your lips. you looked down and saw his hand moving towards your waist. the hell was he trying to do? before you could move or protest, you had fallen backwards into the bathhouse, right onto the freshly cleaned floor. he looked down at you from where he stood with a smile, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. you scrambled away from him, his hat still firmly in your grip. you got yourself off the floor, ready for whatever he was going to try.
instead of making his way towards you like you assumed he would, he looked around the place, taking in his surroundings. he eventually started walking in your direction. it was menacing watching him slowly approach you with an expressionless face. he stopped at the counter, looking down at the little bell. pressing his finger on it, it rung. he waited a few seconds before ringing it a few more times, looking over at you expectantly. your gaze narrowed as you made your way behind the counter.
"yes?" you asked with gritted teeth.
"i'd like to have a bath, please."
"... i'm sorry, sir, but we've had to close early today on the account of having no sheriff to protect my girls from harassment," you explained with a sickly sweet smile. "if we had a sheriff, which we don't, then maybe my girls would feel comfortable continuing to work. but since we don't, there's nothing i can do to help you. sorry for the inconvenience."
you saw a flicker of what appeared to be remorse on his face. he looked down at the counter, his finger tracing the grooves. "you're here, aren't you?"
"you must be out of your natural mind."
"why? because i'm requesting that the bathhouse worker give me a bath?" he asked with a snarky tone.
"that you're requesting anything of me after disregarding my concerns earlier."
he pulled some money out of his pocket, slamming it on the counter. "let's discuss it over a bath."
...
this was the last thing you wanted to be doing. you stared at the back of his head as he laid in the tub of warm water. you grabbed the rag from the bucket of soapy water, ringing it out and bringing it to his chest. as much as you wanted to be rough with him, your desire to not touch him at all prompted you to just be gentle instead. you heard him let out a content sigh as you scrubbed him down.
"you wanted to talk to me, didn't you? so talk," he said, resting his chin in his hand while you worked.
"i already told you what the problem was," you reminded him, lightly pressing against his back to get him to sit up. you scrubbed his back, watching as the dirt and grime disappeared, revealing his actual skin color.
"don't present a problem without a solution. what do you want me to do?"
"kill them."
he let out a hearty laugh at your suggestion, laying back down once you finished with his back. your fingers went to his hair as you poured some water of it, massaging it into his scalp. you could've sworn you felt him leaning into your touch. "isn't killing your clientele bad for business?"
"their existence is bad for business," you told him matter of factly, leaning down to wash his stomach. "i want them gone."
"now darling," he chuckled softly, turning his head towards you. his scruff brushed against your skin, making you shiver. "you know i can't do that. try again."
you could feel your face heating up, so you pulled away, washing his arms now. you dragged the rag along his muscles, revealing all kinds of scars as you cleaned him. "give them a stern talking to."
"about what?"
"respecting my girls."
"or else what?"
"use your imagination."
he hummed with a nod as you finished up with his upper body. "i can do that."
you threw the wet rag at his face, making him flinch. he dragged down his face, plopping into the bath water. "i'm not washing you below the belt. you can see yourself out."
...
after dramatically stomping your way up to your bedroom, you changed out of your clothes and into your nightgown. being around the sheriff was exhausting and you weren't going to waste anymore time on him. your only hope was that he'd stay true to his word. as you were getting ready to retire for the night, you heard a knock at your door.
"i want my damn hat back, y/n. i'll kick the door down if i have to," you heard him say through the door. you went and grabbed it off of your dresser, putting it on your head and looking at yourself in the mirror.
"i think i'll keep it for myself, actually."
"you have five seconds to open this door."
out of frustration, he start twisting the knob. unbeknownst to him, it was never locked to begin with. he opened the door, surprise on his face as he let himself in. he looked over at you, the same expression on his face, but for a different reason now.
"take it off."
"i actually quite like it, so i don't think i will."
he must have been fed up with you at this point, because he started approaching you with purpose in his step. you stepped back some, slipping on the length of your gown and falling back on the bed. the hat had fallen off of your head, onto the floor. instead of going around to pick it up, he found himself on top of you. the two of you held eye contact, but it was different from earlier.
"why do you do these things to me?" he asked you softly. "i'm starting to think you're doing it on purpose."
"i don't like you."
"you used to like me."
that may have been true once upon a time, but it wasn't the case now. the person you used to like didn't exist anymore. he was replaced with a hollow shell of a man and you wanted nothing to do with him.
his thumb made its way to the corner of your mouth and your heart started racing. "i still like you," he said with a small frown, his fingers tracing your jaw and moving down your neck. "i think deep down you still like me."
"no," you responded without missing a beat. his hand was on your chest, feeling the shockwaves of your pulse underneath. "i don't."
"i think you do."
you wanted to badly to smack him in his face but his response was different than you expected. the snark and smugness you were expecting was replaced with a tenderness you were unfamiliar with. or, more accurately, had forgotten he was capable of conveying. he sounded honest. genuine. like he really believed what he was saying. or wanted to, at least.
that's what caused you to let your guard down and let him in. his nose rubbed against yours before he leaned down, giving you a kiss. his large hand cupped your cheek while his other one lifted you off of your back and into his lap. you parted from him and he looked at you with a little smile. "see?"
"that doesn't count," you objected, despite not moving out of your new position. you actually found yourself getting comfortable, placing your legs on both sides of his lap. you could feel his erection growing beneath you.
"sure it does," he insisted, grabbing his hat and putting it back on your head. he laid back on the bed, starting to slowly undo his belt. you didn't dare look down at what he was doing, too stubborn to give him the full satisfaction, but you didn't stop him either. you felt your own arousal becoming stronger. it was hard to ignore when you didn't have any underwear on to begin with.
you soon felt his tip rubbing against your slickness and you sucked in a gasp, getting his attention. he stopped moving, looking up at you for approval to continue. still feeling stubborn, you just looked away and felt him slip inside of you. his hands moved up your thighs and to your hips, repositioning the skirt of your gown. it allowed the two of you to reserve a bit of modesty in your compromising state.
the first movements were shallow and slow, as you were both trying to adjust. it didn't take long for you both to find a rhythm. soft pants and moans came from you as you rode him, his hips thrusting upwards so you weren't doing all the work. you had been resisting from touching him, but as he bounced you on his lap, his hand went to yours. his fingers grazed yours, sloppily laced together as he brought it towards his mouth. he planted a kiss on your palm, placing it on his heart.
shifting your weight, you pressed your hand firmly against his chest and he picked up the pace, his hips snapping up into you. your arm was starting to grow tired and he picked up on it. he sat up, pulling you into him. his face rested in the crook of your neck, his breath fanning against it while his hands slid up your back, one at the top of your spine and the other at your ribs. you continued rocking against him while his mouth made quick work of your neck, sucking at the junction between it and your shoulder.
your moans became embarrassingly loud. you were just glad no one else was around to hear them. jason kissed up the base of your neck until he met your lips, swallowing up all of your sounds. you felt his hat slipping off of your head and you both reached back to catch it, his hand on top of yours. the two of you smiled into the kiss as he readjusted it for you.
feeling your release coming up, you slipped your fingers down to your clit, teasing it to help push yourself over the edge. jason moaned against your lips as he pulled out of you, making a mess on your nightgown. you were too blinded by your own pleasure to yell at him as you continued rubbing yourself. you felt his fingers probing at your entrance, thrusting in and out until you came all over them.
"sorry about the stain," he breathed out, pulling the skirt up in an effort to keep it from touching you. his other hand worked to untie the bow in the back, making it easier for you to get it off. he grabbed his hat from off your head and used it to cover his face while you slipped out of the gown. you set it aside, pulling your blankets up to cover yourself. "are you decent?"
"yes," you answered as he lowered it, giving you a grin before putting it back on your head. your eyes peered upwards at the brim. "i thought you wanted it back."
"i'll come get it later. there are a few men i need to give a stern talking to first," he said, fixing his pants and getting up. "you'll be here when i get back, won't you?"
you raised your brow at him, chuckling. "it's not like i have somewhere else to be."
"i'll be back soon," he winked before walking over to the door. "oh, and darling?"
"...yes?"
"leave that on for me, alright?"
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Oh sorry I thought it was the same as for your main 😐🤭 but In letters A F G I J K M N O V Y Z (the ones that inspire you the most tho) -Sarah
it's okay!! i don't take requests on this account, but this will be the only exception {you should feel special lol} since i haven't seen this for howie and you requested let's get to it: 18+ only, minors dni
p.s.: i included some other letters in here and well ... i hope you like it 🌸
A: again
Like I said before, I'm convinced he's a baby virgin/beginner level 1 at sex {same 💀 ANYWAYS} he'd prob be more comfortable receiving in the beginning, especially if you're trying diff positions. I can imagine when you take him in and start thrusting he feels a budding orgasm already. He just whimpers and says "again" with what energy he does have left while holding onto you.
F: face
Omg, he's so pretty. His cheeks have been pink since foreplay and as you go on they turn a deep shade of red. His hair is a little sweaty and messy from you pulling on it and rummaging your fingers through it. His lips are wet {from what, i'll leave that to your imagination} but they're plump and pink, begging for more attention. His eyes are so many things but most of all, beautiful. They're filled with this passion and hunger. You could be doing the most vile thing and they'd still look so kind. Him doing the ahegao face {minus the tongue out though bc i can't see that}.
H: hands + hair
All over you. Wherever he can reach: your hands, hips, ass. It doesn't matter. He loves to caress your thighs though. Second favorite spot would prob be your chest or butt. Bc his hands are so big he loves to fondle with your boobs or just run his hand over the curve of your ass. Also, loves it when you run your hands over his body. He's pretty buff and I know he's got a nice ass so gimme those cheeks 🍑🤲🏾 Prob intertwines his fingers with yours if he can. Def holds your hands after you two are done, such a cuddle bug 💕 In terms of hair, I don't think he would care if you shaved or not. He'd prob tell you it was your body and that he loves you "no matter what you look like". He would ask you though if you wanted him to shave bc he's so considerate.
K: kiss
Loves to kiss you after one of you cums or has an orgasm. It's messy. There's tongue and drool. Sometimes he'll get his timing wrong and kiss you while he's still orgasming or cumming. You'll feel him moan in your mouth, then he'll bury his head in the crook of your neck and say your name until he's finished.
M: messy + markings
You're most likely his first everything 🥺 which is so cute. He doesn't have much experience so he doesn't really know what his body can do: like how much cum he has and how it can drip out of your hole if it's too much. Forget the towel, you might as well wash the sheets. I don't see him as a biter but he loves to be bitten or maybe not bc of the whole zombie apocalypse ... maybe leave a hickey instead lol. You'd prob have markings on you though from how tight he grips your hips. He'd kiss them afterward and prob rub lotion or smthn on them.
N: nicknames
Okay, this was a last minute add on but if you named his dick 👀 since he's an aspiring actor though imagine naming it after a movie or an actor. When you two are out and one of you is really horny you just say "Have you seen the new DiCaprio movie?" or "We should watch Training Day or Seven Pounds?" Wait, what if it was nicknamed Seven Pounds bc it's seven inches.. I'm gonna stop now 😂
** i thought it was really cool that howie wanted to be like denzel washington bc 1. representation and 2. he is also very handsome :)
V: vocal
He's prob quiet at first bc he doesn't wanna be too loud. He prob got that habit from masturbating too, like he was always quiet bc he didn't want anyone to hear him. But after a while, he just can't hold back and he is very vocal. I don't think he'd be so loud where others could hear you but he'd def make noises for sure. Between moaning, groaning, chanting your name, and cussing 🤧 yeah.. ooh and I know the devs paint him as a clean cut kinda guy but he would have a sailor's mouth during sex. A lot of "ahh, fuck" and "shit i'm gon- fuck," as he continues to thrust into you. Most likely he would do certain things without knowing it, like body worshipping "you feel so good (y/n)".
p.p.s: this was hot i was already kinda horny but shiiiiiitt
#howie yan smut#fictif roadkill#roadkill howie#fictif howie headcanons#howie yan#jade's juice#jade's journal
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notes from the palm springs commentary !! 🏝
i know not everyone has access to hulu and i know i'd be gutted if i couldn’t watch it too so bc i'm lucky enough to have an american friend who let me use her hulu account i thought i'd share the commentary with you all on here <3
- their first bit of commentary is “there’s a title” (cristin) and “there’s a goat” (andy)... 10/10 anaylsis thanks guys
- andy joked that they talked about waiting for an earthquake but decided they didn’t have the budget to wait that long (he said the glowing lights at the end were real tho 🙄)
- andy: “we’re gonna start off pretty racy” djfdjfkdjgh
- “for all those kids out there, the b99 fans, you probably don’t wanna watch this”.... but andy,, we absolutely Do
- andy was cristin’s least favourite person in the movie
- nyles spread eagle on the bed was in the script not an acting choice
- according to andy there were 700,000 bugs just hatched where they filmed the wedding scenes that they had to edit out in post (also it was suuuuuper cold and cristin was shivering)
- ANDY CALLED HIMSELF A BUTT UGLY WEIRDO. NO SIR. U ARE THE FURTHEST THING FROM THAT.
- the dance move when he clapped his hands over his head “lightly hurt his schlong”
- they had 20-30 options for orchid explosion by fournier, cristin pitched some too that she “does not remember!” (she said that very cute)
- they talk about how great june squibb is and how andy is impressed that she wasn’t complaining about the cold/shooting at 5am/the fact that they improved a lil bit. “she doesn’t not give a what”
- during the make out scene on the rock cristin goes “ohhh ~spicy~”
- they also had to have a snake wrangler come out before they shot that scene and he was like “uhh i think it’s good?”
- andy was excited about having to get shot by an arrow when he was reading the script (it was also the moment they realised this movie was zanier than first thought)
- the cave was the same place they shot the old batman movies
- they started working on palm springs on november 9th 2016…. hence the wedding date
- cristin said they did about 30 takes (at least) of her opening her eyes/sitting up.. basically the entire first half of the first day shooting she spent doing the same thing
- “i just think you’re the coolest cristin, way to go man!” “you too andy!”
- the beer is fictional and has a meaning behind it.. the tortoise is to do with a myth about the universe or smth
- andy wants someone to make the beer fr
- “so here is cristin in the desert pretending to be hot” “he means physically” “TEMPERATURE HOT… i have no opinions on her appearance”
- they wanted to skip past the set-up-y parts to avoid it being too groundhog day and add diff dynamics and comedic elements that come from that
- according to andy, nyles has been in the loop an “insanely long time” (cristin and andy like that you don’t know the exact number of years bc however many years it’s been nothing has changed for nyles)
- cristin’s fondest memories were spending days in that dusty ass car together (i too would like to be that girl in his car)
- “i like your hat” “of course you do” was improved by andy and jk
- andy said jk is a “national treash”
- andy loved shooting the montage w jk (and he thinks that montage + the scene at the end is why jk signed up to do ps)
- “i went full butt” - andy samberg, 2021
- HE HAS A STUNT DOUBLE CALLED SETH WHO HAS A SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER BUTT THAN HIM (but andy’s butt was funnier so they went with his)
- the very last shot of the movie was nyles getting the handjob in the car
- max or other andy i can’t remember who talked for a while about how talented our andy is. can’t wait for that oscar nom!!!!!
- if andy were in a time loop he’d try to catch up on shows for a few years (and then try and leave)
- cristin is horrified that he’d choose to watch all of MASH to get him through a time loop
- cristin LOVED filming all the deaths
- andy said that their dance scene in the denim jacket replaces every iconic dance scene ever like fame/dirty dancing/etc etc and he’s right
- he dropped her in that scene bc his arms are “weak and floppy like a baby calf”
- the tattoo moment was the only fully improved scene
- they REALLY wanted it in the movie
- cristin insisted on the hook hand and eye patch and they obliged and she said she kept the hook hand and put it on her mantle and andy was like “prove it prove it prove it prove it prooooooove it”
- she did Indeed prove it
- orange in the movie significies intimacy and that whole montage is coloured orange to show them falling in love
- they loved shooting the tent scene
- the first night they filmed it there was a sandstorm and rain and they had to hide under a tarp and they came back the next night and they were able to get looser with it bc it was the last day of shooting and they’d basically done the whole thing the night before
- the dinosaurs bit was a “symbolic moment between the characters - they are 2 people who don’t believe they can be loved so they’re feeling something impossible and therefore they should see something impossible”
- the wake-ups were like an acting exercise in a way bc each wake up was diff emotionally based on where they were in the loop
- nyles finally cares about something (her) for the first time in maybe hundreds of years and he immediately gets slapped down :(((
- “suck my dick officer bitch” was cristin’s ad lib!!! (if anyone makes a montage of her life’s work she would like it to either begin or end w suck my dick officer bitch, andy said why not both)
- “for some reason i rolled up one of my sleeves [after nyles woke up after their fight] and then we couldn’t get out of it so that was a lesson! it was a terrible choice”
- andy loves the overhead pool shot
- everytime andy watches the confrontation at the wedding he feels terrible for tala, we love an empathetic king
- re: roy’s arc andy talks about how important it is to relish what you’ve got and it was v v v v sweet
- everyone laughed so hard in the arrow/garbage bin scene
- apparently tyler’s shirtlessness in the shower was distracting for people in early tests and they had to tone it back w colour correction 💀
- cristin was like “did that happen when i had to take my shirt off?” and andy was like “uh huh yeah”
- the goat was on set for a couple of days + apparently cristin would talk to it in between takes 🥺🥺🥺 can she get any cuter
- max talked about how they lucky they were to get andy and cristin and how the movie wouldn’t have worked without them, they were so on the same wavelength and there was an early meeting where nobody else could get a word in bc they were talking so much
- nobody was in it for the paycheck, “it was for the love, and dare i say it, for the art” <3
- they took 3-4 nights to shoot the entire wedding, andy can Not stress enough how much they were rushing
- they haven’t busted out any bloopers yet bc they used pretty much every frame they could/reused them in different places
- cristin doesn’t want to know if nana knows bc the mystery of it is what makes the movie so great!
- andy said there’s no definitive answer to a lot of stuff bc a lot of the people working on the movie had diff opinions
- the french song w the slo mo bit of sarah in the bar was cristin’s choice
- andy is v confused why people think spuds is nyles’ dad,, he’s just tricking him into getting a ride and andy’s sorry to everyone who thought it was real
- cristin liked that the payoff at the end felt like payoff while still staying true to who nyles and sarah are and not just super romantic bc “it’s a romcom!” [andy said throwing his arms in the air]
- cloudbursting was andy’s idea from the very first meeting about the movie but we been knew
- andy: “here’s the ending! nobody knows what it means!”
- the family at the end was the producer’s family, they drove a very long way to do that 2 second scene lol
- andy and cristin were swaying to when the morning comes at the end 🥺
- andy clapped and shouted “WELL PRODUCED” when his/tli’s credit came up hahaha
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