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toffeechad · 10 months

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Since most of you voted the yes option, I think now's the time I'll show more info about my Spidersonas from Earth-2763! (Stuff related to TPOT 6 spoilers can be found in the bottom, you've been warned!)

Who are they, actually?

These characters are actually Pen, Eraser, Golf Ball, Tennis Ball, Fries, Puffball & TV from a popular internet show called Battle For Dream Island.

(they're basically meant to be born as sentient objects but uh i'm gonna exclude puffball because she's actually one of these specimens in goiky and is not based on an actual existing object, NOT EVEN BASED ON A POM-POM EITHER)

Where do they live in?

Goiky, in Earth-2763, of course. They live in an alternate universe of Battle For Dream Island where almost everything is the same, except there is a moment that takes place after TPOT 1 offscreen that shows the entirety of Are You Okay's team members suddenly getting their Spidey-Senses tingling. Another difference to this alternate universe is that it's also connected to other object shows such as Inanimate Insanity, ONE, AIB, BFTROR, Brawl Of The Objects, MOSS, TDOS, etc.

Do the team members other than Pen really have legal names? (specifically, Pen's legal name is confirmed to be Ben as shown in BFB 4)

Yep! Here's the list of actual names for the other team members!

Eraser - Edgar

Golf Ball - Gertrude

Tennis Ball - Tanner

Fries - Fred

Puffball - Priscilla

TV - Trevor

How did they get their powers?

The rest of the members were bitten by a radioactive bug, but TV was instead hijacked by a virus. TV also got extra eyes on his screen as a side effect from his virus that can be shown or hidden whenever he wants to.

When did they get their powers?

Somewhere between the aftermath of Tpot 1 and before Tpot 2.

Do they mature by losing their respective Uncle Ben?

No, but they do mature by witnessing eliminations and traumatic events in the current season they're competing in because recovery exists in their world. Eliminations count as their canon events, and after all, it shall not be allowed to be messed around with. Expect some team members progressively losing a part of their personalities as they mature once they get seperated until the end of TPOT.

So, here's an angsty canon event aftermath scenario that supposedly takes place in the same area where the Spider Society live in. After TPOT 6, Pen's proud with the amount of votes he had compared to everyone else until he was interrupted by someone that withnessed their own "canon event." It was Fries, who is along with his best friend, Puffball. He told Pen that he wasn't paying attention to how petrified and devastated he was in that so-called "unfair" elimination. Although Golf Ball approves Miguel O' Hara's philosophy of canon events such as eliminations and trauma as a method to discipline some of her team members for her dimension, both Tennis Ball and Eraser are quite concerned about this. Thus, that's how Fries and Puffball were the first batch of the crew to get canon events maturing their personalities. (Fries eventually loses his intentions of causing mischief as he's now more serious, emotionally strained and depressed, and Puffball eventually loses her self-indulgence as she's now moody, barely carefree and not selfish anymore. However, the duo will only have the urge to snap if they feel like they want to.)

Pros: they kinda behaved

Cons: they ain't even the same as themselves last time and their seperation from one another during TPOT 6 inflicted them with the canon event rizz

(OH WOE IS ME, SOMEONE TAKE THEM TO A THERAPY SESSION, PLEASE!)

Does anyone in the group have disabilities?

Golf Ball and Tennis Ball are born with an armless disability, Puffball's basically a specimen in Goiky that is meant to be born limbless, but all of the team's members share the same mental disability that is Autism. (GOOD MORNING AUTISTIC SPIDERSONA NATION, RISE AND GRIND‼️)

What does Flocculent Spider's icon actually look like?

It looks like this, and it's rainbow colored because of the inclusion of a holographic pattern on it. The spider icon of hers is located at the back of her mask. (If you're curious about what her mask looks like, you're gonna have to peek at that link I attached at the title of the post, right at the beginning of this.)

Do they fight antagonists?

Of course! If there's a Spider-Man, then there's atleast gotta be an introduction to an antagonist! I'm probably planning to interpret Steve Cobs as Doc Ock in Earth-2763, but I haven't got any ideas for the rest of the other antagonists, so feel free to drop down suggestions for the concepts of the other antagonists of Earth-2763 if you like!

When was the first time they finally fought an antagonist?

At the day when the contestants and the hosts of BFDI & II had a reunion at Gelatin's Steakhouse while celebrating Gelatin's 10th birthday, someone seems to have destroyed a part of the steakhouse's wall... and he's actually targeting MePhone. It was Steve Cobs, aka the "Doc Ock" of Earth-2763. As it was finally the time for Golf Ball and her teammates to have an opportunity to fight crime, Golf Ball and her teammates eventually put on their masks and suits and proceeded to fight against Steve Cobs without any hesitation. After defeating Steve Cobs, TV wrangles Cobs up with a web that electrocutes on TV's command while Cobs is distracted and disturbed with Pen telling him a joke. As Pen mentions that he's "the one who knocks," TV then successfully electrocutes Cobs after his defeat. MePhone thanked Golf Ball along with her teammates for saving him from his reckoning, and then the rest of the contestants and hosts cheered for them. (friendly reminder that i actually suck at writing lmfao) Even if Golf Ball and her team are actual web-slinging heroes, they still prefer to do challenges normally to abide with challenge rules for some reason.

Fun fact: II Taco is actually uninvited to Gelatin's birthday

Even if Earth-2763 Fries is actually eliminated, is he still allowed to meet the Spider-Society though?

Yes, Two actually allowed him to meet the Spider Society whenever he wants to. However, Fries prefers to stay back inside the hotel atleast 2 weeks before another contest begins in his world for a fair reason. Same thing would apply to Earth-2763 Puffball as well.

Is there any instances of Earth-2763 Puffball having the colorful quills on her mask hidden?

Yes, she can retract her mask's quills whenever she wants. However, if she's pissed or battle-ready, her quills will extend! Example: Before she snaps, she hides her quills. Whenever she's ready to snap and be feisty, her quills extend in length.

#bfdi #tpot #the power of two #battle for dream island #bfb #battle for bfdi #battle for bfb #spiderverse oc #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #astv #spider man #spidersonas #spidersona #spider society

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

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Whumptober Day 21: Infection

CW: sick whumpee, abdominal pain, medical whump, emeto mention, nausea mention, pet whump references, recovering whumpee, fever, sickfic

TIMELINE: Chris’s first year after rescue

Nat makes the call, her jaw set in a grim line as she puts her phone up to her ear, and Jake has never seen the laugh-lines and crow's-feet wrinkles as clearly as he does in the dim yellowed light from the single lamp in the corner.

"We can't do this," Jake says, softly, but he's outvoted by sheer necessity and he knows it, he knows before the protest ever leaves his mouth. It doesn’t stop his heart from racing, dread pooling deep inside him. "Nat, we can't, he isn't-... they’ll turn him in, Nat, god damn it-"

"Hey," Nat says into the phone, ignoring Jake entirely. "It's me. Yeah. I'm calling you for help."

Next to Jake, lying on the couch while the big man balances himself seated precariously on the coffee table, Chris whines weakly in pain, pressing the back of Jake's hand to his clammy, sweat-soaked forehead. Coppery hair sticks to him, soaked the color of old pennies.

Jake half-expects to see the blue-green tarnish growing and taking over.

"Hurts," Chris whispers, and Jake's heart breaks open. They didn't know - Chris had collapsed this morning, thrown up his breakfast and then blacked out in the bathroom, it was the first they'd seen of his illness.

Only when he'd been bundled down here to the couch, temp taken - 102 degrees Fahrenheit, holy fuck, he’d been fine yesterday, right? - had Chris admitted he'd been hurting for two days, a pulsing pain around his navel that felt like it was taking over his whole right side now. He told them he’d been so scared they would make him take medicine again that he hadn't told anyone.

When Chris pointed to the right side of his stomach and said that it hurt there, and it kept getting worse... that was when Nat had given that serious, firm nod, said Dr. Masood couldn't help them this time, and picked up the phone.

"Nat, he still has his barcode, they'll fucking turn him in-"

"My money’s on appendicitis," Nat says flatly into the phone. Her eyes move to Chris, lips thinning at his pale skin, freckles and two bright red splotches standing out on his cheeks, the way his green eyes are glassy, hazy, lost until the pain spikes and they briefly clear, just enough for him to start crying again. "Guarantee it. I can't use our guy." A pause. "Listen, he's eighteen - I think - and was routinely subjected to dehydration, starvation, and sleep deprivation. His medical care inside isn’t exactly nothing, but... this is appendi-fucking-citis and that motherfucker is going to burst if we don't get someone to cut it out of him ASAP. I don't have the time to waste going back and forth on this with you. Take one fucking look at him and you’ll know it!"

Nat never swears like this, with such intense hostility and insistence. Chris tightens his grip on Jake, and moans, frightened, turning to look up at him with wide green eyes far too big for his pinched expression. “S-sorry, I’m, I’m sorry… ‘ll... ‘ll b’good...”

The plaintive haunted fear and hurt in him makes Jake wish there were an enemy, someone he could fight. Sitting here watching Chris get sicker by the hour, able to do absolutely nothing about it, is so much worse than anything else ever has been.

“It’s okay,” Jake murmurs, stroking over his hair, carding his fingers gently through the damp, sweaty strands. “She’s not mad at you, little man, I swear. You’re sick and she’s trying to get help, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Fuck those motherfuckers who made you too scared of pills to tell us you were hurting.

"Jake-" Chris starts, and then stops, swallows as his face goes a little green around the edges and he tenses, whimpering, torn between nausea and the way muscles tensing makes him hurt even worse. Jake watches his internal battle written openly across his expression. Tears slip from his eyes, running down his cheeks, as he chokes back a sob. "It, it, it hurts so much... Jake, I, I need… I could take, take, could… could could could take something now."

Jake nods and starts to move but Nat puts up a hand. "No drugs," She says, quietly. "They'll give him something there to put him under. We don’t want anything to interact badly.”

“Nat-”

“I’m sorry,” She says, her voice firm and calm. “But nothing until my contact has him.”

“Who is your fucking contact, anyway?”

Nat gives Jake a small, tired smile. “Not yet, Jake. Have to keep these things under wraps.”

"Mom, please," Chris pleads, and Jake and Nat both turn to look at him, shocked, eyes wide. "Mom, it, it, it… It hurts!"

Neither of them says anything at first, and Chris stares at them, eyes pleading but far away. It isn’t them he sees at all.

“Nat-”

“Just go with it,” She says, and goes back to the phone.

“Please, Mom-” Chris whimpers.

"Sorry, we can't," Jake whispers, fighting back the burn of hot tears himself as he goes back to stroking through Chris’s hair. Guilt twists inside him, sharp as any knife. Being helpless is tearing him apart.

Chris’s eyes move, lock on Nat, struggle to maintain their focus, go hazy again. His flush is layered over a gray-green paleness that makes him look like a corpse with makeup, pouring sweat that doesn’t cool him down at all. “Mom, please, please help me, please… don’t, don’t, don’t let them take you out, out of my head, Mom, please!”

Nat listens to the voice on the other end of the phone. Her eyes glimmer and her jaw is starting to tremble where she has it locked, visible in the low warm light coming from the lamps, but her voice stays steady. "No. Yes. Yes, that’s him you’re hearing. Yes… 102.3- yes, I'm sure. Fifteen minutes ago, more or less. Abdominal pain - he even said he thought it was a stomachache at first. Fever. Nausea, vomiting, yes. Getting worse and moving down and to the right. Yeah, I know. So how do we keep my rescue safe without the solution being to sit here and watch him die from infection?"

Jake ignores the cold fear that squeezes bony fingers around his heart and wipes Chris's forehead with a cool wet cloth.

"Mom, m'sick," Chris whispers. "No, no school. Please, please…" His eyes track blearily over Jake's face. "Dad, tell her. Tell, tell, tell-... tell her m’sick…”

"I know," Jake says quietly, his voice shaking and thin. Nat is speaking softer now, lightning-fast whispers with her contact, somebody she's worked with for years with the hospital. "I know, Chris. We’re going to take you to see a doctor, okay?”

Chris blinks at him once, twice, and then his eyes are gone, shifting away. His lower lip starts to tremble, jerking fast, shallow breaths, nearly panting. “I’ll be, be, be-be, be good, don’t… don’t hurt me, sir, I’ll… I’ll be good.”

“I know, buddy, I know.” Jake can’t listen to this much longer. “I know you will.” Chris’s voice is small, losing all his sense of himself. Timid, scared, sweet.

“Be good… can, um, can, can be good f-for… you…” Chris whispers, eyes closing, new tears run out the corners as he whimpers and curls up against the pain. “Just, just stop… hurting me… b-be good, handler, good for, for, for you...”

Jake’s stomach flips and he has to fight the bile trying to rise in his throat. “Nat-”

“Hush, Jake.” Nat’s voice is still calm, and her attention is on the phone. "Mmhmmm. Christopher, um... say Yoder-”

“Stanton,” Jake says from the couch.

Nat might smile. The expression is too tight, too pinched with worry, to really be called that. “Strike that. Christopher Stanton." Nat listens for a long time, then says quietly, "Eighteen…. We think. No known health problems or pre-existing illness. Autistic."

Jake looks up, blinking, and Nat calmly looks back at him, giving a firm nod while speaking into the phone. "Yes. Yes, I'm confident. He is sensitive to fluorescent lights, scared of needles, and terrified of sedation. Yeah, I realize that I just described the exact environment of a hospital.” Her voice starts to shift, then, and Jake watches her free hand close into a fist. She speaks with increasingly open anger, badly masking her worry and fear. “For the love of Christ, just put on the fucking papers that Christopher Stanton is fucking autistic, because that's what my goddamn rescue is and he still needs care - I'll sell someone else's firstborn to fucking Satan if he isn't autistic, god damn it, mark my fucking words - and we're wasting time goddamn dithering over whether you believe a diagnosis while he gets worse!"

Nat's voice rises, nearly shouting, and Chris whines and curls up closer to Jake, then winces and cries out in pain, straightening back out again.

"Sssshhhhh, it's okay," Jake murmurs, but his heart is racing, too, his nerves are jagged with memories of swearing, shouting adults. Some part of him that has never stopped being a child braces for the sound of impact. "It's okay."

Nat is quiet for a long time, then snaps, "Yep, nope, I know, I know you needed to confirm," fast and angry. “See you then.” She hangs up, turning to look at Jake and Chris. "My contact is on their way. If the surgery works, two days and he's home. If his appendix bursts... Could be two weeks in the hospital, Jake."

"No," Jake says, lips barely moving. "No, Nat. Two weeks… he can't fake being someone else for so long."

"He better give it his best shot," Nat says, pushing herself to her feet. "I know this sucks, Jake, but sometimes what we do is make the hard choices they can’t make. And… and even if they turn him in, being turned in is better than dying."

Is it? Do you know that?

"What do we do, then?" Jake says, resting his hand on Chris's sweat-damp hair. Chris doesn't seem aware anymore, staring off into space, weeping silent tears and hitching soft sobs, promising in whispers to be good and obey his handler if only he’ll make the pain stop. “What’s the next step? Give me a fucking order, Nat, because I’m lost, and-” Jake gives a nervous, humorless laugh. “-I’m pretty fucking scared for him.”

"Yeah… yeah, I get that. Just pack some clothes and toiletries," Nat says flatly. "And prepare to swear on the fucking Bible to doctors and surgeons and fucking cops if we have to that his name is Chris Stanton and he's your little brother. We’re about to put on a show, Jake."

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not leaving him. You are going to be the most concerned and caring big brother the world has ever seen. When he gets out of surgery, you’re going to meet him in recovery, you’re going to stay with him in his room day and night. You’re there from day one until he walks back out the door.” Nat’s jaw is set again. “And he will be walking back out that door with us.”

“Visiting hours-”

“He can’t make his own medical decisions,” Nat says, leaning over a little, staring Jake right in the eyes. “So someone has to be there all the time. Do you understand me? He can’t.”

“He’s not-... he could, if he was a little further along-”

Chris whines, and his hand grabs weakly at Jake’s and squeezes. Jake can hardly feel it.

“He’s not. Okay? He’s not that far into recovery yet. We’re going to pretend he’s a lot less capable than he is, to get him through this. We are going to pretend he can’t do it himself, because right now it’s not pretending, he wouldn’t remember what to do yet. And I feel like shit treating him like a toddler, Jake, I really do, but… but he can’t do this alone, and I can’t exactly tell them it’s because he was a pet and they’re trained to be dependent, now can I? We’re going to have to lie about his condition.”

“That wasn’t actually a lie, though, right? We do think he is actually-”

“Yeah. We do. But he’s not incapable - or he won’t be, once he’s older. That’s what we have to lie about. And I don’t-... right now I don’t give a shit about a damn thing except buying him more time to fucking grow up.”

"What about his barcode?"

Nat takes a deep breath. "My contact is going to bandage it over, say it was part of when he passed out and they’ve taken care of it and we're going to hope to Christ no one who they don't trust checks under it. We're out of options, Jake, unless you know how to do an appendectomy and you’ve just been holding out on me. I’m not prepared to do kitchen table surgery. Are you?"

There’s a pause while they stare at each other, and then Jake takes in a deep, steady breath.

You can do this. Chris needs you to do this.

"His name is Chris Stanton," Jake says, meeting her eyes, "and he's my little brother, and he's autistic. I’m his medical power of attorney, I make medical decisions when he’s incapcitated. He’s scared of hospitals because of bad childhood experiences and needs someone nearby at all times or he’ll lose it.”

Nat gives a terse nod. "Good. Pack your shit, and hope his fucking appendix hasn't burst while my contact dicked around."

Nat went up the stairs like a lightning bolt, and Jake let out a shuddering breath.

By the time they hear the ambulance pull up a few minutes later, sirens and lights carefully off, they're packed and ready to follow in Nat’s old truck.

Chris's fever is still rising.

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @slaintetowhump , @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump , @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth , @cubeswhump , @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-tr0pes @whumpiary

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tsuki-sennin · 2 years

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Ok, there's a winter storm happening in my area, so I'm not exactly enthusiastic for the ice side of this deal, but fuck it, It's Revice so I'm hyped anyway!

Spoilers, I guess...

-WHAT OLTECA CAN JUST DO THAT

-GODDAMN

-Somebody get this man to a hospital!

-Nooooo, Viiiiiice!

-Yeah, you feel real bad, don'tcha Julio? ...ah, no, I'm calling you Tamaki Go-san now.

-No intro, ok.

-Good morning, Ikki! We got fucked last week, so...

-I can't imagine what it'd be like to just... be so close to saving somebody's life and failing to rescue them.

-Ohhhhhh, fuck, Tamaki's here!

-Ohhh, nooooo, don't die yet man! You were one of my favorites!

-Yep, we definitely meetin' Yosuke.

-Holy shit, George... feeling responsible and apologizing? He's truly the autistic icon we all deserve. ...as someone on the spectrum myself, this is some tasty representation.

-Y'know, when Rider's got some evil bastards, they really go all in.

-Even if George thinks separation is a pointless endeavor, Ikki's reckless behavior ultimately convinced him that it's worth at least trying to fine tune his strategy. That's some good character moment right there.

-Ah, there he is. Poor bastard.

-Noooo, Tamaki, take the card!

-YOUUU MOTHERFUCKER-

-Hayata Seki, good job man, really, but... Oooooogh, you bastard!

-BRUH

-Ok, I need to calm down for a second. I actually have a thought I've about Olteca that isn't "Ohhhhh, that bad man, kick his ass Ikki-nii!". Considering just how unwaveringly invested he is in Gifu's resurrection compared to every other named Giftex we've seen so far, I think that he might actually be Gifu somehow. Like a vessel or an avatar. This is just speculation, but Toei's done this before with characters like the Overlord of Darkness or Arch Orphenoch or the Joker Undead. and it'd explain why he'd be powerful enough to set Ikki on fire without even touching him in his human form.

-Kick his ass Tamaki!

-Oh fuuuuuuuck, that's not good!

-Oh c'mon Ikki, Vice is you. If he was mad at you for doing what you wanted to do after all you've been through, I think he'd have plenty of opportunity to call you out.

-Oh wow, they... actually said that.

-I am thou, thou art I and all that funny Persona acid jazz fusion rock.

-In case you're wondering, I headcanon Ikki's Arcana as being the Chariot. Sakura's the Priestess and Daiji's the Moon. Idk what Hiromi would be, but he gives off big Hanged Man energy.

-Yeahhhh boiiiiii, let's go! It's demon time!

-Let's fucking do it.

-I'm not gonna tell you to chill, but like... that's the girl who tried to help you fix your friendship with your friend and her brother you're beating the snot out of.

-See, that's it! It's Olteca you're after!

-It's buddy combi time~!

-Aibou~! They said it!

-Mmmmm, this is the real debut!

-OUGH TASTY FIRE EFFECTS

-I love it.

-TOGETHER!

-NO ONE CAN EVER KNOW!

-Ohhhhh, those crackles!

-GOOOOOO

-OHhhhhhhhh, that's the GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE

-Sweet serotonin.

-DOUBLE SLASH

-THAT'S IT BABY HIT 'EM WITH A RIDER DOUBLE KICK!

-BUST THAT SHIT

-WE GOT THIS!

-SMILE!

-3! 2! 1!

-MAAAAARVELOUS!

-Oh yeah, Ikki was kinda injured there.

-Yeah, you got a lot to think about man.

-NONONO GODDAMMIT

-OHHHHHH IT'S HER

-THE GIRLBOSS

-Oh c'mon, don't do that.

-Tamaki-san... :(

-Yeah, let him go. He's having a very bad day.

-Oh, Director Man. He's evil as fuck.

-80???? What the hell, Hiromi? Did you individually cut out each organ and put them in a dehydrator?

-You did kinda carry this episode Vice, but goddamn, you don't gotta symbolically represent that by literally carrying Ikki.

-Ohhhhh, boy! Looks like evil Fenix is confirmed next episode!

-God, I'm gonna miss Hiromi when his death flags inevitably lead him to the big spider web in the sky. ...somebody get me some copium, stat.

#revive the vice: imprinted like stamps and fossils #kamen rider #kamen rider revice #revice spoilers #tsuki talks

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dappercritter · 4 years

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Random She-Ra Season 5 Thoughts: THE FINAL RAMBLING

Yep. I finally got all my crazy absurd thoughts about this gay adventure-romance-drama cartoon summarized into one incoherent yet fun to read computer document/article! ...four months after the show itself ended. Oh well, no one’s perfect. Anyways, there are a whole lot more insane observations than ever before, so I had to put it below a link so this thing didn’t back up my blog or any of yours. Hope you enjoy reading through these as much I enjoyed spouting them for no discernible reason other than I felt like it!

-I feel that since is the last season, I ought to talk about an important part of the show that I’ve been putting off: the animation. It’s… okay. It’s definitely smoother than what the original 80’s show and it’s brother series (heheh) looked like, but at the same time it still seems to suffer from similar limitations which causes some distracting moments of stiffness. But other than that, it’s pretty good. It’s no Titmouse or Studio Mir but it looks good and it gets the job done.

-After all, let’s not forget: “Imperfection is beautiful!”

-Even when things are at their lowest, Adora is a jock with a heart of gold.

-Horde Prime and the Galactic Horde’s aesthetic feels like a mixture of Catholicism, Scientology, Heaven’s Gate, and modern Microsoft, and honestly, that just makes him creepier.

-Speaking of Horde Prime, he didn’t waste any time with destroying Bright Moon. …apparently.

-Furthermore, on the topic of his giant holographic messages, WAS THAT A FREAKING MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE MOVIE REFERENCE?!

-Boy, Glimmer and Catra sure got along quickly! It’s almost like they magically understand each other because they both assumed leadership roles and screwed up big time! …I guess.

-Either that or this season is going to be a speedrun.

-Wow, the Rebellion sure got used to having a once-thought-dead king as well as a known enemy general/abuser running around their camp awful fast, didn’t they?

-Mara’s got a spaceship, a cyber girlfriend, a magic grandma, a dragon, a tragic backstory, AND a force ghost?! Dang, even in death, the girl’s got it all. No wonder everyone likes her!

-(*me looking at the TV rating at the start of episode*) “Why is language in there? Is there surprise cuss words or something in this season?” (*sees Horde Prime seize control of a clone for the first time*) “HOLY FREAKING SH—oh that’s why.”

-Applause to the crew for making the “dinner with Prime” scene for making a meal between a sparkly princess, a catgirl, and alien cult leader feel even more uncomfortable than it had a right to.

-(*me throughout the season whenever a clone was onscreen*) Is that Hordak? Is that him? Is that him? Is that him right there? Oh it is—oh no wait. … Is that h—

-Extra applause for having Glimmer learn from her grey-area wetwipe phase and refusing to sell out her friends again whilst telling the imperialist cult leader where to stick it.

-I would pay a sizeable portion of my life savings to hear what a Scorpia and Swift Wind duet would sound like.

-In fact, I’d double it if it was just Scorpia singing.

-Ah what the heck. I would triple it for an entire She-Ra musical!

-As happy as I am to see to see Entrapta interacting with the other princesses again, I have to say that their big reunion left me with some mixed feelings. Here’s a quick rundown:

-Entrapta, a grown autistic woman, being led around on a leash by non-neurodivergent teenagers—again: that’s bad.

-The Princesses confronting Entrapta about joining the Horde: that’s good!

-The Princesses blaming all their problems with the Horde bots on Entrapta’s actions and her hyper fixations alone: that’s bad.

-Entrapta explaining herself, admitting that she regrets her mistakes, and getting the Princesses to understand that she thinks and communicates differently, but in spite of that, she really does want help find Glimmer: that’s good!

-Entrapta never gets to call out the Princesses for how poorly they treated her: that’s bad.

-Entrapta saves the day and goes to space: that’s good!

-Scorpia and Entrapta still haven’t interacted even though the former is with the Rebellion in the first place because she went to look for her because she is her best friend: …can I go home now?

-How nice! Michah finally got to shapeshift!

-And he’s rocking that She-Ra outfit to boot!

-So is Darla a back up of Light Hope or do they just run on the same operating system and have the same voice?

-I could watch an entire season of Adora, Bow, and Entrapta going on space adventure in a rundown ship with their custom-made spacesuits, tbh.

-Is anyone else weirded out that Catra’s younger self looked at her in her flashback(?).

-Actually what WAS happening there, anyhow?

-(*watching Bow’s spacewalk to save Glimmer*) “Is that a Gravity reference?” asked the man who never saw Gravity.

-Speaking of spacewalks, how did Glimmer survive those precious few seconds in space? Does the teleporter teleport a breathable atmosphere too?

-Also, Catra, WHY did you think it would be a good idea to teleport Glimmer into space? I know you had a plan and the ship was right there but… Ah, never mind.

-Not that I’m complaining but Glimmer’s apology to the rest of the friend squad for her HORRIBLE plan last season went… surprisingly quickly.

-You know as cool as The Star Siblings are, being a quirky band of space-travelling siblings with cool powers and some trans rep to boot, I only have one small problem with them: weren’t there already Star Sisters on Etheria back in season 1?

-That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about Masters of the Universe characters to dispute it.

-Entrapta confirmed pan, objectum, AND horny on main. Dang girl, you’re gonna have fun whether you got Hordak back or not…

-“The Velvet Glove” is both a menacing and stupid name for a decadent overlord’s mothership.

-Wait, it’s from the 80’s canon? Oh. That kind of explains it, actually.

-Goshdangit, I wanted Catra to face punishment for her crimes, but I didn’t think that would involve going to evil alien conversion therapy!

-Nor did I want her to die! For a second. Actually, since it obviously wasn’t going to last I was… weirdly okay with that part???

-Horde Prime seems awfully okay with Catradora. I mean he’s still super creepy and manipulative about it, but also oddly progressive for an evil brainwashing cult leader.

-(*Adora transforms into a She-Ra through seer will*) First of all, called it. Second of all, WOAH MAMA now that’s a glow up!

-Wrong Hordak did not have to be a thing, and yet, I’m glad that he is.

-Hordak remembers the LUVD crystal and Entrapta… Hordak remembers Entrap—! It’s happening! Oh my gosh, it’s happening! Everybody stay calm!

-Wow, Entrapta didn’t have to be so forgiving of Catra for everything she’s done to her but she did. Only I’m not sure if that was Entrapta taking the high road or the low road.

-Or which road the crew took for that matter.

-I remember when I thought those “Chipped AUs” floating around here on tumblr were just something the fans came up with and that chipping people was not an actual despicable thing Prime does in canon. I miss those days.

-I know it’s not the same as before or the original design, but True She-Ra’s designs and powers? I think they slappin’.

-Hooray, Adora and Catra are finally making up! And it only took four and half seasons worth of communication failures, toxic villainous behaviour, and physical violence for Catra to snap out of it!

-…We can go back to Entrapdak now, right?

-Poor Elberon. First they unknowingly adopt a double agent then get invaded by the Horde and now they’re getting brainwashed and chipped by the Galactic Horde. They might be a cute village, but they got some pretty lousy security.

-You know it’s cute that Micah is doing his best to be friends with Frosta and get back in touch with his dad-side, but look I can’t be the only one worried about how the local King is a less proactive leader than the princesses or the known war criminal/abuser, right?

-“The Perils of Peekablue” or as I like to call it, “You Thought ‘Boys Night Out’ Caught You Emotionally Off-guard? Hah! Watch This.”

-You know I didn’t think Scorpfuma would be a thing aside that one moment of flirting near the end of season 4, but they really pushed for it to be a thing! This is… actually pretty great! Perfuma’s not perfect, and I would have appreciated giving them a little more time to bond and form some real chemistry, but at least she reciprocates Scorpia’s sweetness instead of rebuffing it in increasingly aggressive fashion.

-I’m not sure what’s more concerning: that Mermista set a boat on fire, that it’s worded like she had a fling as part of some experimental phase, or that Sea Hawk is turned on by this.

-Peekablue might not be real, (I think?) but he is one dapper dude! Female-to-male redesigns could learn a thing or two from him.

-It involved them getting stung and seizuring, but that was a heck of a way to reintroduce Double Trouble! I swear I got watching them cycle through their transformations in some sort of physical reaction.

-Or maybe that was just me worrying about their wellbeing…

-Okay, I get the Chips are huge, and actually rather clever threat, but how do these characters get chipped in the first place? I get there are chipped people who spread the chips throught the population but where do they get those from???

-Do one of those Horde Prime drones just sneak behind someone, slap a chip on their nape then hand them a whole bagfull and say, “Beep boop beep, Horde Prime’s Light, blah blah blah. Alright have fun, kiddo”?

-Or is it some sort of Alien: Covenant deal where they’re just floating around and Lord help you if one sticks to you?

-HOLY CRAP THEY ACTUALLY GOT SCORPIA TO SING! AND SHE WAS GREAT!

-Oh shoot. Guess I owe the crew twice my life savings now…

-Entrapdak might be what got me into this show, but it’s Double Trouble that kept me around, so you can imagine how happy I was to see them make their grand reappearance!

-Conversly, you can imagine my disappointment when they just disappeared until the finale.

-And on that note: HOW DID YOU GUYS LOSE DOUBLE TROUBLE?!

-You forgot to cherish them, didn’t you?

-So, Scorpia sacrifices herself just after finding a new girlfriend and gaining some newfound confidence, Mermista and Sea Hawk are split up,and Double Trouble didn’t join the main cast. Why can’t you just have fun like a normal cartoon, show?

-Gosh, I love me some shifting title cards!

-Is it just me or did they sneak in some more Annihilation references on Krytis?

(-Said the guy who was too chicken to watch the movie and just read about it and watched a few clips online.)

-(*audibly sighs*) FINE. I guess I like Catradora now. Are you happy now, SPOP Crew? ARE YOU?!

-Hooray, Catra’s got a emotional support animal! And they’re a shapeshifting magic alien cat. Those are the best kind!

-Is it weird that I knew that weird glowing stuff on Krytis was just magic all along, or was it just not hidden very well. Anyways, I like Krytis. I like that we got to see a truly alien world with its own form of magic.

-Plus, we got a logical advancement of the magic versus science subtheme with magic being Horde Prime’s weakness! Neato!

-Getting back on the “which is worse?” wagon for a second, I don’t know what feels less right: that Wrong Hordak’s big revelation and his resolution to free himself and his brothers and friends from Horde Prime’s control is played humorously, or that Real Hordak should be the one having this moment.

-That bit with Castaspella and Shadow Weaver where she tells Casta about Etheria being a living thing with inherent magical property, or whatever, while we got a peaceful shot of some boar creatures sleeping was actually kind of nice. It would have been nicer though if it wasn’t part of a power hungry abuser’s obvious scheme. If only there was a kindly old witch lady character who was in touch with nature and knew just what to say when someone was feeling downOH WAIT.

-Furthermore… Why did Shadow Weaver and Castaspella need to have romantic tension?

-Seriously though, where’s our Madame Razz quota this season? Where’s my supportive magic grandma timelord at, yo?

-Yup, they speedran this season.

-I’m actually really disappointed we didn’t see more of an intergalactic new rebellion rising up to fight Horde Prime’s forces across the universe. Especially if it meant we got to see more Star Sibling action!

-Again, I adore Wrong Hordak but I keep wondering what was keeping the crew from just bringing in Original Flavour Hordak. (You know, aside from teasing us Entrapdak fans and trying to distract us with a loveable new character in the meantime.) I mean he could have done the whole infiltrating the clone squads and tricking them bit, too.

-Heck, he could have done the wink, too!

-I’d gleefully point out Loo-Kee’s cameo this season but apparently, they already made some several seasons ago. That’s what I get for not rewatching the 80’s show and training my eyes first.

-(*sees Erelandians*) Are those freaking Toads and Toadettes?

-So, what’s keeping them from just hitting Spinerella’s chip again? Besides emotional baggage and gale force winds, I mean.

-Perfuma coming out of a cave scared out of her wits, demanding to know who’s there, clinging to her friends as soon as they come back, and balling her eyes out is a big, BIG mood.

-Frosta absolutely decking Catra in the face was nestled somewhere between cathartic and excessive.

-Netossa spraying her with a bottle of water on the other hand…

-Oh, so Greyskull was the name of a Rebel Squad! I think. Meh, the important thing is we got an explanation and it still sounds cool.

-Leave it to a couple of dads to make a secret message out of a dad joke.

-You know I made fun of Light Hope for being creepy, but I swear that avatar from the Spire is even creepier. I don’t know if it’s her face—those dang blank eyes, man—or just that it she’s less animated than the real thing, but it just felt… off.

-Aww, Noelle made Netossa’s princess weakness illustrations! So cute!

-Forget episodes that deserves Emmys, Keston John deserves one for voicing Hordak, Horde Prime, all the clones, and several minor villains and giving each and every single one a distinct voice! Where my king’s respect, eh?

-Yes, Catra you had a small disagreement with Hordak. …Over sending his girlfriend and your “friend” to DIE IN A LITERAL LIVING HELL.

-Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

-Why does Perfuma get pressured to get angry and go wild when Entrapta’s the one who’s had it the worst out of all them? Why can’t my gamer girl go berserk, dammit!?

-Okay, but really, how do these fricking chips work??? Are they parasite devices who store Horde Prime’s Baptizing Dew then slowly pump it into their host’s bodies? Do they have their own nervous systems? Are they technorganic? Also, how and why do we need to make these chips are bigger threat then they need to be?

-Horde Prime showing up on Hordak’s throne in grand Killing Joke style and casually throwing shades at his brother’s overblown attempts to impress him is pretty awesome, but it feels strangely underdeveloped. Hordak’s not there to have his hard work insulted and we never got to see Adora have any similar encounter with Hordak here before, so unless you look at it from the perspective of someone who has been here before in the Horde story like Catra it lacks the dramatic weight it should have had.

-Scorpia resisting the chip to save her new friends was pretty great, though.

-I swear, when they got to the scene where Adora and the others figured out that Shadow Weaver was grooming her so she could use her to get to the Heart of Etheria, I was mouthing “You B***H” through the whole thing.

-They really brought back Etherian deep magic just so they had something to make Micah threatening. …okay.

-Okay, the rest of “Failsafe” messed me up, so here’s a rundown on all the other messy thoughts I had while the show ripped my heart and ground it to dog food:

-Entrapta and Hordak reuniting: Yay!

-Swift Wind yanking her away before she can get through to him: Boo.

-Catra encouraging Adora to try and take care of herself for a change: Yay!

-Adora hurts Catra and she runs away: Boo.

-Adora finally calling out Shadow Weaver on what an utterly horrible person she is: Yay!

-Adora resolves to risk sacrificing herself to save the world: Bo—okay, seriously, was all this suffering really necessary, show?

-I know I mentioned in my previous She-Ra random thoughts that I supported Glimmadora, but I am okay with Catradora and Glimbow ending up canon. The only problem I have is how rushed they feel—moreso with Glimbow. With Catradora, the crew had an entire season to make it work again and they took it. Glimbow it feels like they were down to the last few episodes and went, “Oh right, we were gonna do something with these two!” then did their darndest to fit in some chemistry in between all the other stuff going down.

-As ominous as it was, the music where Horde Prime starts hacking Etheria honestly SLAPS.

-Okay, I know everyone is magic or something, but I am legit surprised getting electrocuted in water didn’t kill the heroes right then and there.

-Sea Hawk tries to flirt with his girl even as she’s trying to kill him. Truly, he is a man of taste.

-What do you know, Shadow Weaver can only do good when she’s (canonically!) punch drunk.

-You know a whole lot of this could have been avoided if Holo-Mara was Adora’s mentor instead of Light Hope.

-When I think about it, it was actually really clever to make Horde Prime the final villain for Adora to face: a domineering decadent man who’s been in power forever against a humble emotionally vulnerable compassionate young woman.

-Not to mention the divide between cult-like oppression and progressive freedom. Or something.

-Holy crap, did the First Ones get a great freaking a Great Old One for a guard dog?!

-So, you guys seriously didn’t bring Angella back to reunite with her family OR mention her all season after the impact her death had on everyone all last season until Glimmer needs a power-up at the last possible minute and then you never bring her up again. That is absolutely a dick move in bird culture.

-Entrapta’s hacker sticker gives me life. Gamer girl gremlin princess forever!

-On the one hand, I’m disappointed that Adora and Catra don’t get to have an awesome couple battle against the security monster and win. On the other hand, Shadow Weaver is finally dead. YAY!

-With apologies to the writers and especially Lorraine Toussaint. She did splendidly bringing this character to life and even if I hated Shadow Weaver, I adored the effort she put into making her one of the most emotionally complex villains I’ve ever seen.

-Words cannot, will not, and will never describe the pure joy that I experienced when I first saw Hordak’s big scene: standing up to and disowning his tyrant brother, saving Entrapta, declaring his love to her (albeit in a nicely lowkey fashion), and then throwing Horde Prime to his apparent doom Disney style with Entrapta cheering him with sheer glee. GOSH, it was everything I could have hoped for from this season!

-Now if only they kept the deleted scene where they got a moment to themselves before Prime body-jacked him again like the creepy sonuvabich he is.

-Horde Prime just wouldn’t be a religious villain if he didn’t tell everyone to burn.

-Bonus points for actually trying to burn the frigging planet.

-Aside from the idea of Adora switching to wearing a She-Ra themed dress everywhere in the future, the future vision was really quite sweet, and seeing Prime step in to ruin it made it all the more impactful.

-Can I just say that it’s absolutely wonderful that the show, for all it’s flaws, said “**** senseless heroic sacrifices”?

-BREAKING: Lesbian cat finally makes up with her jock ex, has a canon kiss so pure it saves the world!

-In other news, Catradora fans are still spoiled rotten.

-Wow, look at all those character comebacks they skipped through! Look, there’s the chefs from Dryl, Double Trouble, Huntara, the Horde Trio, Imp, Madame Razz—are you kidding me?!

-Grumbling aside, I actually find the idea of the Horde Trio and Imp getting involved in a G-rated science-fantasy version of the first Hangover movie quite amusing.

-Oh dang, they pulled a Castle in the Sky with the Velvet Glove!

-As nice as it was to see Aodra save Hordak from Horde Prime and destroy the latter through exorcism via sheer compassion, I’m rather disappointed we never got to see She-Ra go full Metal Gear Solid Rising: Revengence on any creepy old cult leaders.

-Yeah, it would have gone against the “love conquers all” set up, but love takes on many forms, does it not? So, why can it not manifest as cleaving your mortal enemies with extreme prejudice to save your loved ones?

-Furthermore, in addition to Holo-Mara being a better mentor, Hordak raising Adora instead Shadow Weaver could have prevented a lot of similar problems. Maybe. Possibly.

-Eh whatever, he has a lifetime’s worth of fanfiction to make up for it.

-ENTRAPDAK IS CANON, ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

-And so is Catradora and Glimbow! That’s nice, too.

-Aww, how sweet of them to skip through Catra and Scorpia, and Glimmer and Micah’s big reunions! It’s not like we’ve been waiting forever for this stuff or anything. HahahahAHAHAHDHAHAHFHAFHKSADJHFKAJHDfine.

-And so it all ends with everyone either friends, in love, or both, as heroes decide to make up for it all with a grandiose sequel promising more exciting space adventures we probably won’t see! HOORAY!

-All snarky ranting aside, I actually really enjoyed the finale. It was exciting, heartwarming, and above all it ended on happy, hopeful note without leaving too many frustrating questions unanswered. (*glares with utmost contempt at Voltron and Star vs. The Forces of Evil*)

-You know, this wasn’t bad for a final season, but I think this might have worked better as two seasons. Not in Netflix’s cheap “split a regular 13-episode season in two 6-7 episode long seasons” strategy, but I mean two full seasons with their own storylines leading up to the grand finale:

-First, one that starts out with Horde Prime’s arrival the downfall of Etheria, focuses on the space adventures, ends with their return to Etheria and gives the characters time to recuperate from season 4.

-Then, we have one final season that focuses on the Best Friend Squad’s Return to Etheria, Horde Prime’s plan, gives everyone more time to properly reconcile before ¾ of the entire cast gets chipped, sets up a new Rebellion made up of Princess Alliance and former Etherian Horde members, maybe even set up a proper Hordak redemption arc or something, and then our big happy ending.

-On a mostly unrelated note, I also feel that the whole show could have turned out even better if it had been either a dedicated science-fantasy war drama with some levity (like the good Star Wars shows or Avatar: The Last Airbender) or a lighthearted yet empowering slice-of-life action-adventure romcom (i.e. basically a well-made remake of the original show in the style of Adventure Time and Parks and Rec or something).

-My final random thought for this whole thing: we really could have used a triumphant end credits song or something. Aside from obviously recommending Fabulous Secret Powers, I would have also recommended the original 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On,” a reprise of “Warriors,” Gorillaz’s “We Got the Power,” or (my favourite) Talking Head’s “(Nothing But) Flowers” since the ending scenes remind me of it.

Thanks again to the crew for giving me something to live for and/or complain about!

Now, let’s hope the He-Man reboots do as well...

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tammyhybrid21 · 4 years

Text

Autism & Neurodivergent Headcanons

TODAY IS A SCREAMING ABOUT AUTISM DAY!

Because apparently it's just the mood, and well, not entirely Autism, but like-- the kind of characters I enjoy. And rule number one is Neurodivergent Coded, in one form or another... Which is mostly Autism, but not always.

So, let's talk about some of the Neurodivergent ICONS I love.

So first, I'm going to go back to my OLDEST, well, okay more like second oldest fandom. With Sonic, specifically Sonic SatAM. And the character who STILL to this DAY defines my taste in characters about 75% of the time.

So, let's talk. This character, I have... no idea how many pages of a sketchbook I have just filled with him. But this is Antoine. D'Coolette in the comics, Depardieu in the cartoon. And he was my first... well, the FIRST character I ever so whole heartedly latched onto. Which is projection and the whole nine yards of that mess. Hell I have old, old OCs who I made into his family and just-- yeah--

So, Antoine, he's the coward of the show, the comic relief and the joke that's picked on. He's also ALWAYS anxious, has special focus and interests and lacks even basic social skills and has issues with vocalizing things properly. Antoine, ticks all the autism flags for me, with additional anxiety. Along with just, massive underdog sense. You need to remember, this was MY CHARACTER, as a kid.

And he still is. I could talk for ages on all the little things that he does that are Autistic or Autistic coded, but that would be a WHOLE other big giant post, and we're not really here for that, but just screaming briefly about Characters I love who're definitely ND

Meanwhile still on Sonic.

LOOK AT THIS ADHD ICON!

Like look! Look! The simple fact is, this is the first truly Nurodivergent ICON form of Sonic we have seen! And I mean that, before and always he was just-- fast. But have you watched the MOVIE?! And okay, there are jokes in the comics and even in the cartoon, but those were always really brief and not enough but Movie Sonic?! Like, this is the baby Sonic! This is definitely ADHD Sonic! This is the TRUE BLUE!

Although I will miss the old school Sonic from SatAM, I will not miss him being rather mean spirited towards my Autism Icon of a character. Which seriously, I have-- many complaints about SatAM on rewatching it as an adult, but one of the biggest is just generally how mean spirited Sonic is... as an aside though, I do still appreciate the series and wish that it got the completion it deserved, and Archie doesn't count.

ALSO BONUS.

Without further comments.

The og ADHD "Sonic". Also Sonic Underground has its charm and place FITE ME!

Soooo, we all know, ALL KNOW! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS AUTISTIC! But I would also, like to just make some comments in general about Sans. So let's lump the Skelebros together and talk about them. Papyrus is the obvious Autistic Icon! In so, so many ways, and damn it, I also have many, many comments to make on the who is older debate, but number one-- I want to talk about something in regards to Sans.

The general image we all have in the fandom is depression, but I would also like to raise Anxiety. And it's all subtle. But both the brothers are not neurotypical and people can FITE ME! I will counter with examples from the game and even some of the characterizations that you yourselves write people!

Also, on anxiety, we get a very small glimpse, but I think Papyrus has it as well, and that's just sad...

Benjamin Tennyson from his series by the same name. ADHD ICON! Also, the best kid with Aliens on his wrist, but only up to the end of Ultimate Alien and we do NOT talk about the retcons in Omniverse and beyond...

But Ben is not just ADHD, I have a missing half complete rant about Benjamin here and Autism, but I will cite Sumo Slammers as the BIG THING! Like do you know how many episodes of the Original series had him just-- deviating from the plot because THIS IS MY SPECIAL INTEREST! Like, that's big, and even grown up-- and he has routines and places that matter to the HEIGHT OF IMPORTANCE! That might be stupid to a casual observer, but for me. Yep.

Icon!

Also just like, who doesn't want to have aliens at their fingertips, tell me?!

And the whole Uchiha Clan in general. And since this is a topic I've ranted on multiple times, I don't really think I need to talk about it again, just go dig through my Naruto tag, or my Autism one... or both, I don't really care. But this whole clan is one big Autistic Family. Also obvious from this series...

And the Number 1 Knuckleheaded Ninja himself. At least pre-shippuden and early on the boy is the ADHD icon! Actually, honestly, all Uzumaki are-- Again, this isn't something I really need to talk about, but I will complain a LOT about how badly Naruto was handled, and I do have many half finished angry rants about how they lost his empathy and it became so self-centered and just--

This boy annoys me beyond belief due to how it was handled.

For some amusement, I'll be honest-- there is only one member of Mystery Incorporated who I don't think is Neurodivergent, and no-- it's not the dog.

No but seriously. I have-- many, many feelings on this show, most of them really honestly too much for me to honestly put into enough words. But on the whole, one of the big things in NOBODY HERE FEELS TYPICAL! They're all neurodivergent best friends aside one single member, and I have many emotions and feelings, and just-- they're so, so good.

Shaggy definitely has some kind of anxiety, Freddy I have a whole rant somewhere about how he's Autistic, Velma gives off some MASSIVE OCD vibes, particularly when faced with challenges to her boxed world-view and while we could debate that to Autism-- not really... Scooby like Shag, has anxious, but he's also a Great Dane--

And Daphne minds them all!

I will also fight you on Vivi! Of course everyone already knows Arthur and anxiety-- but Vivi is SO Autistic/ADHD herself! Like you don't understand!

AND I CAN AND WILL SCREAM MORE ABOUT THESE TWO AS WELL!

Like! I do not think people yet understand! I am THIS CLOSE to digging more into the movies to see if I can find points for Sara and even Tiffany for being Autistic, but these two are the CLEAR AND OBVIOUS Cases! AND I LOVE THEM! Like, Tadeo took a while to grow on me, he's actions in the sequel are... well... But I do not think I could scream more about how clear these two are as Autistic Icons.

ESPECIALLY MUMMY!

Who's not just Autistic but confirmed as Asexual and nb!

Unfortunately I have a less than happy rant about Tadeo coming up, but right now! Let's just appreciate the sheer Autism this series has on display with not one but two characters the fandom can point out the signs in!

Not Autism surprisingly, but I would like to make an aside here for Héctor! For all I relate and ADORE Héctor! It's not Autism that he flags as. Not at all. I mean we can argue about it, people can have that headcanon, but I am firmly over here like, for all those signs there are some BIG things missing for that to click into place. And I do have a piecemeal rant in the process of being made--

But for now.

Héctor Rivera is the REAL ADHD ICON!

Inattentive ADHD, And he's such a GOOD boy for it as well. Like excuse me?! EXCUSE ME! This Papá may be distracted, impulsive and not exactly good at keeping details in his mind, or responsible with property or establishing boundaries but he's really, really a GOOD icon for ADHD! Also, contrasting--

As an aside as well, Anxiety.

That is all.

Miguel and Victoria though, yeah they're Autistic for sure!

Anyway... this is enough of my screaming, so yeah... just a small glimpse of those Neurodivergent characters I love.

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speedycubed · 3 years

Text

use the sleeves of my sweater.

summary: luke had been glad when his dysphoria shifted from being in the wrong body to being in no body, but that all comes crashing around him after playing the orpheum.

notes: this story features trans & autistic luke. i draw from my own experiences as an autistic transmasc individual when describing things that have to do with those features. // crossposted on ao3 if you would rather read it there.

triggers: descriptions of dysphoria, unsafe binding (not taking a binder off for extended periods of time & exercising in a binder)

The one thing Luke had been on board with after becoming a ghost was the lessened dysphoria. Without a corporeal body, most of the dysphoria the first few weeks had been about being intangible as opposed to being in the wrong body. It was blissful to have something else to focus on when it came to his body.

But after he had adjusted to being a ghost, and especially after the Orpheum performance, dysphoria came smashing back into his life. It had happened one day in rehearsal. He was jumping around, strumming his guitar as he always did when he felt a pressure on his ribs. Luke stopped jumping around, deciding to stand still, figuring that would solve his problem. A few minutes later, after they finished that runthrough, he sat on the couch, claiming to be worn out. That was when he felt it.

The press of his breasts against his binder.

He had died wearing it and since they didn’t need to breathe anymore and were made of air, he felt no need to ever take it off. After all, the phantoms had been distracted by the fact that they were ghosts with no bodies to speak of to focus on changing clothes. Even after they figured out that they could, it was all just to regain some normalcy in their (after)lives.

But after jumping and sweating for the hours of rehearsal, he was finally feeling it. That was going to bruise.

Luke looked up, noticing the concern in Julie’s eyes. “It’s fine,” he said, waving a hand to dismiss concern. “Just my ribs hurt after all that exercise.”

“Your ribs? That’s weird. Don't you mean, like, a stitch in your side or something like that?” she asked, wanting to make sure her boyfriend was okay.

Fuck. He should have just gone with that. Now he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Most people don’t get rib pain from exercise. They get other types of pain, sure, but this is a trans issue.

“Uh, y-yeah,” Luke pointed at her, nodding to cover his shame at almost getting caught, “That’s what I meant. Have a stitch in my side, yep, that’s what my pain is.” Stupid brain making him flap his hands and stutter through the agreement. Now she would know something was wrong.

“Okay. Well, if you can take it, there’s some Tylenol in the bathroom behind the mirror.” She nodded, dismissing herself, a worry still clear on her face, but not wanting to make it worse.

As soon as Julie was out of the studio, Alex was next to Luke, sitting on the floor in front of him.

“Take it off,” Alex said, voice stern.

Luke laughed it off, which only made the pain worse. “Take what off?” His nervous laughter filled the studio followed by coughing.

“You think we didn’t notice?” Reggie said from up in the loft. He tossed one of Luke’s bigger hoodies that still had the sleeves on it over the railing before poofing to be next to the guitarist. “You died wearing it and haven’t taken it off since.”

Luke huffed, crossing his arms. “It’s not like I needed to breathe! And until just now I didn’t even notice the pressure.”

“Breathe?” Alex and Reggie looked up, seeing Julie with a water bottle in hand. The bottle dropped, plastic making it bounce a couple of times before stilling. “And the thing with rib pain earlier…” She walked up to her boyfriend, kneeling in front of him. “You don’t have to answer, but this sounds familiar. I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t be asking unless I figured that knowing would make me able to help more. Luke—” Julie looked him in the eyes, wishing she could hold his hands as she spoke to give some comfort, but that might make it worse. “—are you trans?”

Luke looks up, fear in his eyes. Thoughts ran through his head a mile a minute. How did she find out? Is she going to want to date me anymore? Is she going to quit the band? How will I cope if she leaves? Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

She seems to see his panic and backtracks. “I’m so, so, sorry if you’re not and this makes it seem like I’m assuming things, but with the breathing problems and the sudden need to rest and the rib pain… It all sounds like what one of the boys at school was talking about during one of our gay club meetings. And if you are I want to be supportive and help in any way that you’ll let me.” Her words rush out, apologizing for what she said, telling them that it was rude of her to ever ask and that she shouldn’t have, it’s none of her business, that she wouldn’t have asked without a reason.

The other two boys in the room got it, nodding along to her apology while they tried to comfort their friend.

But the one she was apologizing to didn’t hear any of it. Luke was quiet, his brain still telling him that this was a bad idea. All he could do was let out some tears before grabbing the hoodie Reggie had brought him and fleeing off to the bathroom to change.

Yanking his binder off proved to both lessen and enhance his dysphoria. Now he couldn’t feel the pressure of having his chest tied down, reminding him that he had breasts, but now everyone else could see that he had them. Luke put his shirt back on, slipping the hoodie over his head, and poofed off to the beach where he didn’t have to deal with the fact that he was just basically forced out of the closet by his girlfriend.

He chewed on the sleeves of his hoodie, having chewed the strings out long ago, staring out at the people on the beach. Now everything felt wrong. His skin pulled tight and he felt all of the body dysphoria he thought he had escaped after becoming a ghost.

The corners of his sleeves were soaked in his saliva before he got tired of staring at the people on the beach who all just reminded him of what he could never be. He poofed into the bike shop that stood where the Peters’ house had once been.

There was only one worker, a teenager dressed in all black. But it was the music playing over the speakers that he really noticed. It was classical. Something he didn’t expect from a bike shop, but it helped. Classical had been the only genre he ever listened to before developing his own music taste. His mother and father were both classically trained string players who had signed Luke up for viola lessons as soon as he expressed interest in his parents’ instruments, so their house was always full of symphonies.

As much as it hurt to hear music that he always associated with his parents, it was nice to have something else to focus on. Now Luke just focused on picking apart the instruments used during each section, wondering how he would play it if given the sheet music. It was calming to try and remember each position and each fingering. It was calming to try and pick apart each line, each note, in order to try and find the key.

His concentration was broken by the sound of the phone ringing. The employee sighed, rolling their eyes as they picked it up. At the same time that happened, Luke heard a little “poof” next to him. He turned only to see Alex.

“How did you even think to check here?”

“Saw your silhouette in the window as we checked the beach,” Alex said.

Luke groaned at the “we.” That meant that the others were here.

“Did you tell her?”

“No.”

Luke fell silent once more. A part of him was glad that the boys hadn’t spilled his secret. It wasn’t theirs to tell, after all. But another part of him wished that they had just told Julie. That would have taken all of the pressure off of him.

He looked at Alex as the final notes of Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons: Summer” faded and the host began to introduce the next piece.

“Can you tell her for me? I’m pretty sure that she already knows after earlier, j-just confirm it for her.” The guitarist hated that he had to ask—it put unfair pressure on Alex. Having to ask someone else to come out for him was a coward’s move, but Luke was so, so scared. He didn’t want to have to face Julie, knowing that no matter what she said, it was likely to worsen his mood. And that would worsen his dysphoria as his mind sat in its darkest corners.

“Yeah.” Alex nodded, poofing back out to the beach.

Luke turned around in the bike shop so he could see his bandmates. Even though he couldn’t hear them, he could tell exactly when the words left Alex’s mouth. He could tell because he knew Julie’s body language. He saw her nod and bite her bottom lip before opening her mouth to talk.

He could imagine her voice as she told the boys how she didn’t love him anymore. Logically, Luke knew that this wouldn’t be something that Julie would break up with him over. She often talked about Los Feliz’s gay club (the offical title was the Los Feliz GSA, but no one called it that, according to Julie) and suppoting her non-cis friends. But anxiety is a bitch. The voice in his head said that the reason he saw tears on his girlfriend’s cheeks was because she thought he had lied to her. The voice in his head said that he was about to get broken up with.

Luke decided that the voice in his head was a little bitch and poofed out of the bike shop, landing next to Julie.

She turned to him, wiping her tears. “You know I don’t think of you any differently because of this, right?” Her eyes were wide, pleading him to soak in her words. She loved him and nothing would change that.

I kn-know, j-just…” He pursed his lips, bringing his sleeve up once more. Luke hated his stupid stutter, especially when it came to difficult conversations. He chewed on his sleeves, trying to find the words. “Anxiety.” It was all that he could come up with as an explanation without devolving into word vomit.

Julie nodded in understanding. “Anxiety’s a bitch.”

The group fell quiet as Luke flopped onto the beach. He removed his sleeve for a moment to ask for hugs, which the boys gave. Julie sat next to him and held his hand so she wouldn’t be seen hugging air. They may have figured out how to talk to them in pubic (a pair of cheap earbuds with the wires cut off made for an excellent pair of fake AirPods that made people think she was just on the phone), but they couldn’t figure out how to make her be able to touch them in public without looking insane.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was out of line, that was an invasive question that I shouldn’t have asked. I keep talking about boundaries and yet I completely broke one of yours today.”

“It’s fine.” His voice was muffled from the stimming, but the words were easy enough to make out.

Julie looked to her metamour, asking for help. Reggie had known Luke a lot longer, so she figured he might be able to get the point across a little better. Reggie shook his head. This was between her and Luke.

“Hey buddy, are you better enough that Alex and I can leave? I think you and Julie need to have a talk—boyfriend to girlfriend.”

Luke snorted. “But you’re my boyfriend, idiot.” His eyes got sad once again, “But you’re right. See you guys.”

Reggie and Alex poofed out, heading back to the studio.

“You may say it’s fine Luke, but that’s not going to stop me from apologizing. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”

“But y-you’re my girlfriend… Doesn’t that make it your bus-business?”

“Only if you wanted it to be. If it’s to become my business then you have to be the one to make it my business. You would have had to have told me first.” She shed a few tears, trying to hold back from crying until they finished this conversation. “I’m sorry I took that opportunity away from you.”

“I wanted to tell you, but I figured it didn’t matter anym-more—” he laughed at Julie’s confused eyebrows, “I haven’t felt major body d-dys-dysphoria until t-today. And I’m air, so I haven’t taken off my b-binder all this time.” Julie gasped. “It’s off right now if that’s what you’re worried about,” he glanced at his chest, nervous. “But, yeah, it’s not like I can do anything about it. I’m intangible, so I’m stuck in the body I had when I died.

“I figured that I would t-tell you down the line, after we had m-more time to get used to our relationship. But then dysphoria hit me all at once during rehearsal. Suddenly I could feel all of the things that I got rid of when I be-became a ghost.

“Sorry that you have a broken boyfriend.” He ended his explanation and stared down at the sand, putting a finger in his mouth, nibbling on the tip to give his sleeve a break. He didn’t want to ruin another one of his dysphoria hoodies. A few holes were nothing, but too many would destroy the sleeve.

“You are not broken. Not in any way.” Julie says, grabbing onto Luke’s shoulders so he has to look her in the eyes. At this point, she only cared about getting her boyfriend to believe her, not the people who would think she was crazy as she held onto nothing. “You are Luke, mine and Reggie’s precious boyfriend, a massive dork, guitarist for Julie and the Phantoms, one of the best songwriters I’ve ever met. There is nothing wrong with you—you’re just you. No one is broken, they just have different pieces. Please don't ever refer to yourself as broken ever again.”

“Okay,” he whispered, fear still jostling his thoughts around. “Let’s go home and cuddle pile with Reg.”

Julie laughed softly, sounding like a fairy from Tinker Bell. “Sounds amazing.”

#*writing #iwests #jatp #luke patterson #juke #ruke #tw: dysphoria #tw: unsafe binding #//#sorry about the sudden ending #i just suck at endings that aren't either 'this could be a transition' or 'everyone died. the end.'

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system-of-a-feather · 4 years

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Entropy System’s System Pride Day Questions

So I finally got around to watching that video and felt it was a pretty good and interesting set of questions and felt I would go ahead and answer them in terms of our system so those that follow can get a little more knowledge about us and our experiences. This is all answered by Riku - the current host of this system. Plus I lost track of time and totally didn’t notice System Pride Day coming up so lets just have this be belated System Pride Day post

How old was the body when the host discovered they were part of a system?

That depends really which host we are talking about. I am currently the third long term host that this system has had and I can’t personally speak for the two hosts before me since I don’t know how aware they were of the situations that were going on. Personally, I didn’t know about the presence of other alters (even as a protector since I normalized everything odd about it somehow?) until I was about 13 or 14 when a certain incident kind of freaked me out since I co-fronted clearly for the first time and didn’t know why I couldn’t control my body. From there Aderis kind of made herself prominent and pretty well known and it kind of moved from there. With that being said, I didn’t know anything of Dissociative Identity Disorder or that it was an actual disorder with a basis in trauma until I was 16 or 17 years old. Prior to that I alternated between thinking it was “normal”, “imaginary friends”, “intense and out of hand roleplaying”, and “just my imagination.”

How many members do you have / are you aware of?

We are well aware of seven members existing currently. According to Ray, we have a fragment that is dormant that most of us don’t know about but isn’t particularly much of a current worry. There might be others, but to our current knowledge, we are seven.

Do you attend formal therapy? Have you in the past?

I am currently seeing a trauma / dissociative disorder specialist and have been seeing him for about a year and a half now. I have been in the mental health system for about four years now and saw a different therapist prior. (I’ve also bounced around between therapists for short periods of time, seen three psychiatrists, and been in group therapy)

How many misdiagnosis have you had?

I wouldn’t say I’ve had any major misdiagnosis in the past as much as “inaccurate” diagnosises in the sense they weren’t “wrong” but they danced around the issue / were more technical or were hard to confirm and have been brought into question. I have been diagnosed with OCD and Aspergers in the past however, lately it seems more likely that OCD is more “OCD tendencies” and is under debate, and Aspergers - when I saw an Autism specialist - was hard to pinpoint whether or not I had learned a lot of traits from my two family members that have it or if I had it and coped pretty well. The other thing that has been brought up with my current therapist is if the autistic traits are more centralized in some alters more than others.

I’ve also been diagnosed with what I like to call “understatement” diagnosises where they are right, but don’t really fall under the DSM-V’s typical line of “the disturbance is not better explained by another mental disorder” such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Do you have a proper diagnosis?

Yep. My current therapist diagnosed me sometime last year.

My previous therapist - the one that specialized in autism and not dissociative / trauma disorders - did bring up the concern almost immediately though when I first started therapy because apparently one of the first issues you talk about casually being “I’m majorly depressed because my online self is way better than me and handles life way better and I just suck so I should just stop existing so we can have a better life” while also not knowing what dissociation is apparently quickly pings off concern.

Hilariously that therapist ended up dismissing it and so I did as well until my current therapist was like “Uh, I’m pretty sure you have DID.”

What is one situation that you are really proud of your system’s teamwork?

One situation? Man there are a lot, but I think I really am just proud of how well all of us have pulled together to manage living away from home at college and shit. Plus running this blog, but mostly college and juggling that, self care, recovery, goals, money, and a social life all at once.

What is the biggest hurdle you’ve overcome so far as a system?

I would probably say figuring out how to function, communicate, trust, and organize ourselves - especially how we relate to other people in our life and who to decide to let in our lives and who to not. We used to have a lot of issues with codependency and systems having drastically different opinions of people in our life so coming to figure out a way to mutually respect one another and trust each other’s judgements and understand where one of us might be biased / incorrect / swayed by trauma, extreme personality traits, or lack of insight and assigning responsibility / a order of respect / trust on topics to each alter. Really just getting our life in order and learnign to properly respect the experience, opinions, and individual knowledge of each part was probably the hardest for us.

Is your goal final fusion or functional multiplicity?

We are currently striving for functional multiplicity. If final fusion does occur down the line naturally, we aren’t 100% opposed to it, but honestly as we are, we are pretty comfortable and adjusted to living life as a team. We don’t really see the need to have to fuse unless it helps or unless a part feels like they would prefer / function better integrated with another part that agrees. We aren’t against fusion, but also we don’t see too much of the point.

Do you feel that each of you and your alters each deserve happiness, safety, and acceptance?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I would also like to extend that to pretty much anyone who has a single molecule or more of carbon in their body (save for some objectively horrible people as exceptions).

But I really do try to help and hope that everyone in my system, and anyone in systems reading this, can get the happiness, safety, and acceptance that they deserve to have since no one deserves to live with anything less

We all are working hard to make this life work out so I feel its the least we deserve. It’s the least you deserve.

#alter: riku #did #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydissociative #actuallydid #actually did #system pride #questions #asks #ask #about us #about

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losersclubbitches · 5 years

Text

Doctor’s Office Anxiety

TW: past abuse mentioned

“William Batson and Frederick to the front office, please. William Batson and Frederick Freeman to the front office, please,” the monotone voice called over the intercom. Billy’s face burned bright red as the entire class turned to took at him and Freddy. His foster brother didn’t look a tad bit embarrassed and even gave his signature dorky smile to their classmates. The two boys packed up their things and left the classroom.

“What did we do?” Billy asked as they headed down the hallway.

“I haven’t done anything,” Freddy answered. “Have you?”

“Nope.” They arrived at the front office to see Victor and Rosa waiting for them. Billy and Freddy exchanged a nervous glance and pushed the door open together.

“There you are! We’re going to be late!” Rosa exclaimed. Billy frowned in confusion, but the color drained from Freddy’s face instantly.

“It’s Thursday already?” he asked, gulping. Billy’s frown deepened. Rosa put a gentle hand on Freddy’s shoulder.

“Second Thursday of the month,” she confirmed. Freddy gulped again and Billy noticed that his grip on his crutch tightened.

“Is it too late to cancel?” Freddy asked. Victor and Rosa just chuckled.

“Cancel what?” Billy asked, looking at the three people in the room in turn.

“Physical therapy,” Freddy replied with a shudder. When Billy sent him another confused look, he continued. “For my leg. Hurts like hell when I go, but PT is required twice a month by my doctor.” Freddy glowered. Billy faltered. unsure what to say.

“Oh. I’m sorry, man.” Freddy just shrugged.

“Alright, we need to go, boys. We’re already late,” Victor said, ushering his sons out the doors.

“Why is Billy coming?” Freddy asked. “No offense.”

“None taken. I’m confused, too.” The four got into the van, buckling up.

“Billy has a doctor’s appointment at 1 and we didn’t think it appropriate to make multiple trips to the school and the hospital,” Rosa explained as they drove away. The boys frowned to each other.

“Doctor’s appointment? For what?” they asked together, looking to the front.

“To catch up on your shots, Billy,” Victor replied.

“Sh-shots?” It was Billy’s turn to gulp.

“Do you guys listen to a word we say?” Rosa teased. “We told you Billy had a doctor’s appointment today last night.” Billy and Freddy exchanged another look.

“When?” they asked.

“Last night while you were getting ready for bed,” Victor told them.

“Oh. But last night, we were...” Freddy was cut off when a hand slapped over his mouth.

“So tired we could barely function,” Billy finished for him, laughing awkwardly. Freddy soon caught on and was laughing as well, pushing his brother’s hand away.

“Yep. Definitely tired. Not out doing superhero stuff at all,” Freddy rambled. “I don’t know why I said that. Just ignore me.” He laughed again, more awkwardly this time, before finishing off the bout of laughter with a heavy sigh. Victor and Rosa looked at the two skeptically again, but didn’t say anything. When they arrived at the hospital, they checked in both Billy and Freddy, then sat in the PT waiting room. As they waited, Freddy’s right leg shook violently, causing the couch the two boys were sitting on to shake with him.

“Nervous?” Billy asked teasingly. Freddy just rapped his fingers against the armrest rhythmically. “Freddy,” Billy tried gently, like he’d seen Rosa do millions of times.

“Kind of. That guy makes me uncomfortable being so close to my leg,” Freddy admitted.”It’s a real trigger spot for me, you know? And I know he wouldn’t actually hurt me, but I’ve thought that about a lot of people and look where that got me: involuntarily bounced around from home to home to home because no one wants a cripple and people really don’t want an autistic cripple, ‘cause he cant keep his damn mouth shut and likes superheroes just a little too much. This house is my last option before one of those overcrowded group homes and this is a damn good option, because Victor and Rosa don’t mind that I love supers. In fact, they don’t mind any of my quirks and even go along with them. Which is really nice, because not all foster families like washing a kid’s clothes with a specific detergent and folding them in a specific way. They usually don’t like having to make separate meals sometimes because I can’t eat what everyone else does ‘cause it feels weird on my tongue. Not every family likes dealing with constant sensory overloads and meltdowns because there’s just too much sensory input everywhere all the time, man. Not all families want to deal with that. Victor and Rosa do, and it’s really nice, ya know?” When his rambling stopped, Freddy took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, settling down a bit now that that was off his chest. Billy blinked, trying to take in all the information he’d just been told and trying to formulate a proper response. Freddy being autistic and constantly passed from house to house wasn’t at all surprising to Billy having known the boy as long as he had. A question was poking at the back of his mind and before he could stop them, words were tumbling from his mouth.

“What happened? To your leg, I mean,” he inquired.

“Same thing that landed me in foster,” Freddy answered, seemingly unfazed by the question. “Abusive parents. Went too far once and broke my leg and part of my spine. Ended up in the hospital for about a month. Diagnosis: unilateral paralysis.” Billy breathed out a heavy sigh; he hadn’t known that.

“O-oh. I, uh.” Billy stumbled for a moment before Freddy caught on.

“You weren’t meant to,” he assured, sending a smile to his brother. Billy smiled back. There was a moment of silence before Billy broke it.

“Ya know, if you want, I can go in with you,” he offered.

“Sure, but why?” Freddy replied, quirking an eyebrow.

“Beats sitting out here waiting to get stuck with a needle,” Billy answered with a shrug. Freddy was about to inquire further when he heard his name.

“Freddy Freeman? Dr. Constance will see you now,” the assistant informed. Freddy nodded and, with a gulp, grabbed his crutch from where it had fallen on the ground and made his way to the door; Billy following closely behind. They made their way to the PT room near the back.

“Hi, Dr. Constance,” Freddy greeted happily. “I brought my foster brother, Billy. Is that alright?”

“Of course, Freddy. Like I’ve said, this is your session. You can bring whomever or whatever you want. It’s nice to meet you, Billy. Freddy’s told me quite a bit about you,” Dr. Constance greeted, looking up from the papers on his desk.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, sir,” Billy replied, shaking the man’s hand when it was offered.

“Well, you’re welcome to take my chair while Freddy and I get started.” Billy took the seat while Freddy and the doctor sat on the padded floor. “How has your homework been going?” Dr. Constance asked.

“Pretty well. I take the stairs as often as possible and I do the exercises sometimes when I can and those help,” Freddy answered.

“Great. Why don’t we get started with some of the basic stretches, okay?” Dr. Constance extended his legs and Freddy followed. “Just let me know if you’re in too much pain.”

“Okay.” Freddy and Dr. Constance worked out Freddy’s left leg with a series of stretches that Billy had seen before once upon a time when a previous foster family’s daughter took gymnastics. They stretched like that for around thirty minutes, Freddy taking a couple breaks to rest his leg.

“Alright, Freddy. You’re doing great so far,” Dr. Constance praised. “I wanna do some more advanced stretches, alright?”

“Alright,” Freddy agreed, though his voice shook. Dr. Constance took notice, because he looked at Billy.

“Hey, Billy, could you come here?” he requested. Billy nodded and turned off his phone, tucking it into his back pocket and moving to kneel next to his brother.

“What’s up, doc?” he asked. Freddy snorted.

“Take Freddy’s hand for me.” Billy did. “And let me know if he squeezes.”

“Okay.” Dr. Constance turned to Freddy.

“Freddy, I want you to squeeze Billy’s hand if you feel a lot of pain, okay?” he instructed. Freddy nodded. Dr. Constance gently grabbed Freddy’s ankle with one hand and his knee with the other and pushed slowly so that Freddy’s knee was moving toward his chest. Before it got there, though, Freddy gripped Billy;s hand hard enough to hurt. Billy sucked in a sharp breath and made eye contact with the physical therapist who stopped his movements abruptly.

“Alright. That’s really good, Freddy. You’re getting better,” Dr. Constance praised again. “I’m gonna move your leg outward. Squeeze Billy’s hand if you feel too much pain.”

“Okay.” When his hip was around a 45 degree angle, Freddy grasped Billy’s hand. Billy looked at Dr. Constance, who nodded and stopped the movement of Freddy’s leg. He then moved the leg along its full range of motion: up, out, in, down, a few times. The entire time, Billy didn’t let go of Freddy’s hand, rubbing slow, gentle circles on his brother’s palm and the back of his hand. It seemed to calm Freddy down, as the look of discomfort was only due to the slight pain in his leg. When his PT was done, he did some light stretches to calm down the muscles in his leg.

“I am very proud of you, Freddy. I will see you in two weeks,” Dr. Constance offered in goodbye. Billy and Freddy waved to him and ventured back down the hallway to the waiting room, where Rosa was waiting for them.

“Oh, good, you’re just in time!” Rosa exclaimed, ushering the two out of the PT building and into the adjacent one. “Your doctor just called you, Billy.” Billy gulped; he had forgotten about his own appointment. He couldn’t protest, though; Victor and Rosa had already spent time, energy, and money on this and he didn’t want to seem ungrateful for their efforts.

“R-right,” Billy stuttered. He looked around the building for a potential momentary escape and saw the familiar sign. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Right now?” Rosa asked, but Billy wasn’t listening, instead hurrying off to the bathroom. His heart raced as he rushed into the largest stall and locked the door. He curled up in the corner next to the toilet, knees to his chest and hands gripping his hair. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and the walls were closing in on him. Two words crossed his mind: panic attack. He was having a panic attack. He couldn’t stop it, but he knew he was having one. That was a start, right? Suddenly, there was a knock on the stall door, jolting him out of his paralytically fearful trance.

“Billy, are you in there?” he heard Freddy ask. Billy just whimpered in answer, unable to find his voice. “Billy, can you open the door?” Billy shook his head before realizing that Freddy couldn’t see him.

“N-no,” he rasped. He heard Freddy sigh heavily.

“You’re really gonna make me do this, huh?” he mumbled. Billy wanted to ask what he was gonna do, but Freddy was already sliding through the gap under the door, groaning.

“Please go away,” Billy begged, hands tangled in his hair.

“No can do, bro. Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” Freddy protested. Billy contemplated just staying where he was for the rest of his life, but then he remembered that he’d have to get shots sooner or later; sooner if he kept leaning against the toilet.

“I’m scared,” he mumbled into his knees. He felt tears slipping down his cheeks hotly.

“What?”

“I’m scared, okay!” Billy shouted. “Needles scare me. A lot. When I was seven, I stayed with a family who did heroin pretty much daily. There were needles everywhere and the parents were awful to me and even ignored their own son. One time, they injected us with heroin to get us to be quiet. So, no. I don’t trust needles and I don’t trust people with needles, either.” Billy was full on sobbing now, but he didn’t care. It was nice to get it off his chest; especially to someone he trusted and who had already trusted him with a revelation.

“Wow. That sucks, man,” Freddy replied after a moment. “Why don’t you hold my hand?”

“What?”

“Hold my hand and squeeze if you’re scared,” Freddy repeated. “Like you did for me.” Billy wiped the tears from his face and nodded at Freddy.

“Okay.” He stood up and helped Freddy up, too; unlocking the door and leaving the bathroom.

“Billy, mi amor, are you alright?” Rosa asked, caressing her son’s cheek with one thumb.

“I’m scared of needles,” Billy confessed. “But I’m ready now.”

“Alright. Let’s go, sweetie.” She ushered him in through the doors and back to the office, where Victor and the doctor were waiting for them. When Billy saw the seven needles lined up on the cart next to the doctor, he almost turned and ran again, but then he felt Freddy’s hand slip around his and squeeze reassuringly.

“Alright, hop up on that bed for me, Billy,” the doctor requested. Billy complied, climbing onto the squishy surface and kicking his legs back and forth to calm himself.

“Now, we’re gonna need you to take off your jacket and shirt, okay?” the doctor told him.

“Okay.” Billy took off his top layers, leaving himself bare chested and a little bit awkward and uncomfortable. Freddy hadn’t let go of his hand for more than a second and Billy appreciated that.

“Okay, Billy. You’re gonna need seven shots today. We’ve split them up evenly so you’ll get three shots in each arm,” the doctor explained, pulling on gloves and organizing the needles on the cart. “Is there an arm you’d prefer to have the fourth shot in?”

“Left,” Billy told her. “What are the shots for?”

“Vaccinations and immunizations,” the doctor replied, sterilizing his right shoulder. “Your parents don’t want you sick.” Billy sent Victor and Rosa a grateful look and they smiled back at him.

“Cool.”

“Okay, Billy. We’re going to start with your right arm.” Billy nodded and the doctor picked up one of the needles and prepared it. Billy felt Freddy squeeze his hand and looked over. Freddy gave a toothy grin and Billy returned it with his own, nervous smile. He felt a slight prick in his arm and flinched. Freddy squeezed his hand reassuringly again. Billy took a deep breath and steeled himself for the next six pricks. He distracted himself by thinking about how free he felt while flying and how happy Freddy was to be flying and the shots were over in almost an instant. When he came back to reality, Rosa was rubbing his bare, right shoulder blade.

“You’re all done, sweetie,” she told him, smiling sweetly.

“Oh.” Billy pulled back on his shirt and jacket and hopped off the bed. Rosa squeezed Billy’s hand; the one Freddy wasn’t holding, and smiled at him.

“I’m so proud of you, mijo,” she praised, gingerly kissing the side of his head.

“Thanks.” Billy looked down at his dirty, beat up Converse, cheeks flushing as red as his hoodie.

@freddyfreebat, I hope you liked it!

#billy batson #freddy freeman #rosa vasquez #victor vasquez #shazam #physical therapy #shots #doctors #fear #autism #freddy freeman has autism #original work

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windwardstar · 5 years

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Transgender reveal party faq

What is this?

It's stealing the gross concept of a gender reveal party for a baby and giving it to trans n nb people who actually have a say in their gender

Why are gender reveal parties for babies bad?

Because they dictate to the kid and society what the baby's gender is and upholds the cissexism of society. We should allow children to decide that for themselves, we should listen to them.

Are you serious?

Yes. Very.

I'm cis am I invited?

Yep. Our cis allies and family are invited.

Who can have one?

Anyone who is trans or nb and wants to have one. If you're cis and want a gender confirmation party because you've examined your identity and come to the conclusion you're cis, throw one. This is about taking away the idea of a gender reveal party being about genitals (ew) and instead about what the person has come to learn and know about themselves!

You're [insert ableist slur]

Well i am autistic and bipolar so maybe, but i don't see how that's relevant or saying this is bad makes you any less bigoted. In fact, I'm pretty sure you get to add ableism on top of your transmisia.

Is anyone not invited?

Terfs. Truscum. Transmed. And generally transmisic people. This is a celebration of being trans, not a gatekeeping event. Hatekeepers aren't invited.

But you need dyphoria to be trans, being trans is a medical condition, it's not fun, it's not a party, it's serious-

Lmao well i have dysphoria and that sucks but I'm still having fun with this. Also, you don't need dysphoria to be trans. You're not invited to the party.

Autism isn't a gender. Your gender can't be an object. It's decided by what chromosomes you have.

My gender is totally autism. And stars. Autistic stars. And idk what my chromosomes are those never got tested so you can't say my birth certificate was even right. Also, that can get changed bye.

Is there actually a party?

Idk. It depends if people want there to be one. I may just reblog a bunch of trans stuff on the first. I’m def throwing one for myself when I get my own place, file the paperwork, and have friends over.

#transgender reveal party #gender reveal #gender reveal party #gender reveal parties

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canyouhearthelight · 5 years

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The Miys, ch. 37

I was running late to work this morning, so I didn't have time to queue this chapter. Instead of uploading it super late in the day (7pm EDT), I made a judgement call to pull the copy that I emailed my lovely sister @parisconstantine to proof - which she approved - but that means there is no break.

08/10/2020 Edit: Added a break! and links.

Once Conor had sufficiently transformed me into a fuzzy purple burrito, I glanced around my quarters with a weak smile. Sure enough, Antoine and my sister put a fierce limit on my welcome-back ‘party’. I saw only them, Conor, Sam, and Derek. Knowing that Simon and Noah were likely watching and listening remotely, it was the perfect amount of people for me to handle at the moment.

Antoine returned my smile gently as he handed me a server of tea. “No caffeine and no alcohol until you finish your medications,” he explained somewhat apologetically. His shrug suddenly turned into a wince as he backed away, one hand flying to his temple with a hiss. After taking a step forward, he shook his head energetically and blinked a few times. “I need to calibrate this more,” he muttered.

Tyche tsked at him. “That’s what you get for deciding to be your own guinea pig,” she replied airily before tilting her head toward me. “He’s working on a project to help the autistic population on the ship. It’s… in the experimental stages. He should explain, though.”

“It’s going to be marv,” Conor gushed quietly.

I glanced at Antoine. “So, what’s the project? I’m all ears.”

He chuckled somewhat ruefully. “It actually will fall partially under your purview if I am able to work out the – bugs?” When I nodded, he continued. “During the sabotage attempt on the ship, Conor and I were needed to retrieve Derek and escort him to Level One. There was simply no other way for him to arrive without being overwhelmed by so many people in close proximity. Since then, it occurred to me: What if there was a way for Derek to travel around the ship, even during such times that the corridors are crowded, without need for an escort? It would give him much more autonomy than he has had in the past.”

“The idea came from your Council pendant, partially – when we headed to Level One, your pendant gave off a low tone, in theory a proximity alert to let everyone know to let you through. However, it did not work, and we now know that was due to not everyone being able to hear it in all the panic, yes? We do have a way to hear things over exterior noises, though.” He tapped his temple. “The translators. Even in the loudest room on the ship, for example, you would still be able to perfectly hear the translation of Derek’s sign language provided you were looking at him.” I nodded, but was honestly still confused.

“The ultimate goal of the project is to combine the technology we already have, and give Derek – and all autistics on the ship – the ability to interact on their own terms,” Antoine explained, crouching down. “Using the datasets and our translators, the first aim is audio and visual dampening. No more too-loud noises, no more unpleasant lights or colors. They will be able to adjust both the audio input from the translators and hopefully visual input, right from their dataset. Secondly, proximity alerts – but mostly not for them. Instead, anyone who approaches too closely will receive an alert to their dataset first, and then a loud alarm transmitted directly to their translator.” He tapped his temple again. “I thought it was only fair that I be the test subject for the alarm, and I’m working on calibrating it. When I backed away from you after delivering your tea, I backed too closely to Sam, who agreed to be my co-tester.”

“That’s brilliant,” I breathed, wide-eyed. “But you said the proximity alerts are ‘mostly’ not for Sam. So he still receives some of it?”

Antoine looked over his shoulder at Sam, who was in the process of a beautiful and intricate piece of knotwork. “Sam? When do you receive an alert?”

“If I’m not paying attention and I’m about to walk into someone. It’s just a chime, though,” he answered nonchalantly, not looking up from what he was doing.

“So really, it’s only to keep you from accidentally touching someone if you don’t want to?” I asked.

“Yep. Works good. I didn’t walk into anyone today.”

“And the software can tell the difference?”

The question was directed at Antoine, but Derek was the one who answered. <Locational sensors in the corridors tell us who is the one moving and causing the proximity.>

“So, the people who need the software the most are not being punished?”

“I just wanted to make sure,” I chuckled, letting the silly nickname go unremarked. “Antoine, really. This is brilliant. And it’s going to help a lot of people, not just those on the spectrum. There are a lot of people on the ship who have PTSD-related touch issues. Or just flat out inherent aversions.”

He nodded. “Correct. Grey was able to corroborate in their data that the autistic-spectrum population on the ship has the most stringent requirements and need, however, so that is where the focus is. If I can calibrate it to work for them, everything else is just a matter of adjustment.”

“Okay, okay,” Tyche shifted next to me and gathered our attention. “As proud as I am of this project, especially how far it has come in such a short time, there are a few other things we need to talk about if you’re good with it, Soph?”

“Depends on what it is,” I hesitated.

“Timeline for getting you back to work,” she clarified. “It’s going to be a slow hand-off, and don’t even think of trying to take on more than you’re ready for or I will sedate you myself.” She arched an eyebrow at me and I just held my hands up in defeat. “Your primary focus is going to selecting a new assistant. I’ve been helping Simon, but there is only so much I can do to help and still be able to manage staffing. Right now, each of the department heads is handling as much of that as they can, but they still need me for day-to-day questions like who is currently available.”

I groaned. “Can’t you just find one for me?”

“No, I can’t. I don’t have time, like I said. Simon refuses to, because he is the one who originally hired Arantxa.”

“If I have to select them myself, I want a list vetted by Xiomara and Derek.” I glanced over. “Derek, is that okay with you? Dig up all the dirt you can on every single person Xiomara okays?”

“I want to know if they don’t bathe regularly, do they kick pets, did they not thank a vendor, everything.”

<I can do that> he confirmed with a pretty vicious amount of glee.

“Good,” I nodded, turning back to my sister. “I’m not leaving anything to chance. I know none of us want to admit it, but Arantxa had one thing dead to rights – I am entirely too trusting. Derek and Xiomara? Not so much. I’ll make the final call, but I’m going into this with eyes wide open. No more surprises. Hell, I don’t care if I even like the person. If they can do the job and I can trust them, I can make it work.”

“Sophie, come on – “

“No, Conor. I almost died, and the entire Ark almost paid the price for mine and Simon’s poor judgement. This may be an extreme reaction, looking at it from the outside, but the people on this ship need to know that I’m not making the same mistakes again.”

“But they just watched you stand in the Council Chamber and talk about the best of humanity. Now, you’re going to move forward with suspicion?” This time, it was my sister.

“I also, quite clearly, said that one of our best traits is that we learn from our mistakes. I can believe in the best of people without being stupid about it, and they need to see that. It doesn’t just mean trusting blindly – it can also mean seeing something in a person no one likes, or who everyone underestimates, or who no one thought could do the job. We also persevere, which is exactly what I’m going to do,” I finished quietly.

As Conor squeezed my shoulder, Tyche nodded in reluctant acceptance. “Okay, in that case, we need to make a list of what you are looking for in a new assistant. And you can’t put 'not a Baconist' on that list, because it pretty much guarantees everyone who applies will secretly be one, no matter what Miys says.” She shot me a look. “So, seriously. You need to have criteria to weed out who we even pass on to Xio and Derek.”

I hummed in thought, leaning my head back against Conor’s arm. “Well, there’s the obvious stuff – organized, at least somewhat familiar with who handles what on the Ark, moderate computer skills. They can’t be shy, either. In fact, I would prefer someone stubborn: I have a hard-enough time saying ‘no’ to people, so I need someone who can put their foot down both on my behalf and to me. Willingness to learn is also non-negotiable.”

My sister nodded, transcribing all this to her datapad and flicking a copy over to Antoine and Derek. “Okay, and what are the absolute deal-breakers?”

“Mindless conformity, in any direction,” I responded immediately. “I’ve known too many people who were so counter-culture that they though they were open-minded, but they were just narrow-minded in the opposite direction. At the same time, discrimination is absolutely not to be tolerated – there are only so many of us left, and we need to get the fuck along. Don’t get me wrong, if they disagree with me, that’s fine, but they have to be able to listen and consider other viewpoints. What I’m talking about is people who make judgement calls based on things that people can’t help or change, and refuse to listen to any opinion counter to their own.”

“Like Xiomara,” Tyche ventured hesitantly.

I shook my head vigorously. “Xio has her faults, but even when she realizes she doesn’t understand, she relents and goes with the flow. She at least leaves herself open to the possibility of understanding later. Something like that wouldn’t be a complete no-go. But the situation with Maverick and eating? If the person is the type who would flat out ignore my request, they can’t be my administrator. I have to fight enough uphill battles with the Council, I cannot waste time fighting with my administrator.” I took a deep breath. “Beyond that, hero-worshipers, victim-blamers, and victim-worshipers are right out.”

“Victim-worshipers?” Conor asked in confusion. “What are those?”

Before Tyche or I could answer, Antoine let out a loud groan. “Sometimes they are the worst types of people, my friend. You know what victim-blaming is, correct?” Conor nodded, leaning forward out of curiosity. Antoine continued, “Victim-worshipers are the complete opposite. They create this idealized, innocent, unrealistic ideal of a person who has been a victim of actions taken against them. Using Sophia as an example, these people would construct their entire idea of Sophia around her being a victim first, even before being human, or female, much less her being competent at her job. Instead, she is A Victim, and everything else about her supports her ‘victimness’. She isn’t a person to them anymore.”

Tyche nodded in agreement and continued where her partner had left off. “Depending on the person they are attaching themselves to, yeah – victim worshipers can sometimes be worse than victim blamers. At least the people who blame a victim grant the person a sense of agency, acknowledging that they are a person who can make decisions. They’re still scum, don’t get me wrong, but they wouldn’t take away the fact that Sophia is a person, who is capable of decisions. Victim blamers try to eliminate their own ability to decide and put that burden on the person who was attacked – victim worshippers don’t even let us decide what we wear each day.”

Conor started snapping his fingers, looking around as he grasped at something. “The whore-thing… about women… what is it? I’ve heard about this. Dammit, what is it….”

Derek clapped to get our attention before explaining. <Madonna-Whore complex> he supplied helpfully.

“YES!” Conor shouted, pointing at him. “Thank you, Derek. That! So ‘blamers’ are on the ‘whore’ end, and ‘worshipers’ are on the ‘Madonna’ end, and the focus of their judgement can’t win, right?”

Tyche, Antoine, and I gaped at Conor in astonishment. Slowly, Antoine began to nod. “Yes. That’s what we were trying to explain…”

“Dumb lug my ass,” Tyche muttered, glancing at me.

Conor just squeezed my shoulder again, showing he wasn’t offended. “In that case, I completely agree. Sophie isn’t a hero, or a victim, she’s just… Sophie. She shouldn’t have to work with someone who can’t understand or appreciate that there are much more important things about her than what happened on Level One.”

“Like what?” I asked, teasing.

“Like the fact that, if you recover properly, you can cook like a fiend again, which I am looking forward to.” His stomach grumbled to punctuate the comment, instantly breaking any tension in the room.

This is exactly the housewarming I needed, I mused as I giggled at Conor’s never-ending hunger.

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#the miys #science fiction #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #aliens #apocalypse #fiction #my writing #scifi #original fiction

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washipuppy · 4 years

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Where is my mind (this time)?

Personal stuff? On MY Tumblr? Yep, it's happening. I need to ramble, and where the feck else am I gonna do it but Tumblr?

I was supposed to go in for an Autism assessment today with my therapist. It's been constantly on my mind it all week, to the extent that I think I might actually ne worried about it, and I have no feckin idea why. It's not a test.

Anyway, it was cancelled and re-scheduled for next week. I took the day off work for it too, since it was gonna be a couple of hours, but I went back to work because I'll need to take next Thursday instead. So I guess I'm having another week with this oversized, unresolved question-mark dangling from my neck.

Background will (hopefully) be under the cut so that most of you aren't bothered by all this:

Background 1 - My therapist is kind of flakey.

Like many people, I have a therapist that I picked entirely because I'd been without one for several years (since my last therapist retired) and I needed to do something about the tail-spin death-spiral my brain was in. I don't get to see them too often, because I work 8:30 - 5:00, 5 days a week and they tend to cancel my appointments on me thr day they happen, but I'm too tired and worn down by existence to get another one, so it is what it is.

Background 2 - I'm not trying to be weird, please stop calling me that.

Lotta people seem to think I'm Autistic. Including said therapist, who I noticed was asking me the "Could this person be Autistic?" questions during our last session. Shortly after which I realised I recognised the "Could this person be Autistic" questions without the word ever being used. I've considered the possibility, but although I have a some traits that are associated with ASD (non-verbal episodes, repetative hand / body movements when anxious, low social situational/emotional awareness, eye contact avoidance...), I have a pretty intense imagination and I can be spontanious. If I decide I want to go shopping after work, I'll do so. If someone wants to spend time with me and I don't really have a reason not to go (e.g. a prior commitment or not wanting to spend a lot of money on something I won't actually enjoy), I'm gonna go even if it's last minute. Because they asked me specifically (General invitations offered to "the group" don't elicit this, and I'm way more likely to bail on those) and I want to keep being asked to go to things; If I say no too often, people will just stop inviting me to things. So if I'm asked to go see a band or an expo or whatever and the cost isn't too bad, I'll go. Besides, what good will it actually do me if I get confirmation that I am Autistic? It's a bit late for it to make a difference to my development, the damage has already by and large been done. I didn't see how it would actually help my life now to be diagnosed.

Background 3 - The culmination of a cascade of f**kups.

For a while, I've suspected I might have ADD/ADHD (just gonna use ADHD from now for this). It started on Tumblr, oddly enough - I follow several people here who also have ADHD and post bits and bobs about it, all of which make me go "Yes, that is a thing that is me." But I tried not to think too much about the growing idea that I might have ADHD myself despite almost everything I ever saw or read about girls having ADHD described me perfectly - From the childhood maladaptive daydreaming through to the mental breakdown in university and inconsistent job performance - because I think of myself as something of a hypochondriac* and It's trite to say "Oh, I've got ADD, I'm so easily distracted!" when the world at large is horrible and distracting.

That is, until last year. See, I left a job I didn't like in 2018 and got one I quite liked in 2019. Thing is, even though I like this job, I'm still fucking up with an alarming frequency and I can't seem to stop. I don't know why it happens or how to make it stop, and I don't know how to make myself think or be more careful or even understand how I'm doing something wrong enough to stop. It's so incredibly frustrating and distressing to know you're going to fuck up, and to try to spend your time mitigating the inevitable**. The thing that made me think I should probably actually get myself checked out, however, was my partner. I've been forgetting a lot of things lately, getting confused, been struggling to keep things right in my head - after driving across the city for an event that had in face been re-scheduled next week, my partner sent me a comic strip from the ADHD Alien that basically outlined my exact mental stateand life. It was his own gentle way of saying "I don't exactly understand what's going on with you, but I think this might be what its called". More importantly though, it's something that, if I really do have it and can be diagnosed with it, we can actually do something about it and getting it managed would actually help my life.

And now, the thrilling culmination...

So. I figure "Feck it, 2020 is the year of getting my brain sorted out or something," and I talk to my GP about how to go about getting assessed for ADHD. My response is more or less a shrug with a side of "Speak to a mental health professional about that." So I speak to my therapist. I know ADHD often comes with ASD, so I figure okay, maybe we'll kill two birds with one stone and see about getting them both assessed.

Turns out she was going to suggest doing an assessment for ASD as well. I initially thought ADHD was in that too, but nope - misunderstanding on my part again. So I need to get off my goddamned backside and track down a way to get tested for the thing that can actually be managed and mitigated, while my stupid head spins its wheels over the thing that probably won't do anything but confirm how different/ not different my brain actually is.

Whatever it is, I worry it's getting worse.

*On a related note, my partner's atitude to his health is so different to my own. I always think I need to prove that something is wrong to my GP before anything can even be looked at. For example, I'm tired a lot, to the point I slip into micro-sleeps / blackouts at work. We thought perhaps I wasn't sleeping well due to the hole in my face being a disaster zone, which I talked to my GP about. A blood-test later revealed that my iron intake was within normal levels, but it was low within normal levels (i.e. I'm not anemic, I've just got a low iron count). So I worked on upping it with more red meat and iron suplaments. No improvement, either in my being tired levels or my iron intake levels (And my sinuses are as clear as they ever get, which is still not good). So stronger Iron checks and a test for celiac disease that I still need to get the results for, despite the fact that I'm about 98% sure they won't show anything. Basically, I'm working to prove that whatever's wrong with my sleep, a sleep study will probably be needed to assess.

My partner pointed out that I could just... go do that. On my own. I don't need my doctor's permission to check to see if I have apnea or some kind of sleeping condition. I don't need to prove I have something that warrents a sleep test, I can just go get a sleep test.

**There's also the distractions that aren't helping. I'll always find something - I made so many paper roses until that was finally burned out of my system, I went through a pad of post-it notes in a few months trying to take down distractions and put them asside before re-focusing on the task before a minor hiccup interrupted that technique, I've opened new windows on my browser and immediately closed them because I'm trying NOT to get distracted, but even if I don't put an obvious distraction in front of myself, I'll stare blankly into space and daydream instead of focusing.

#Autism #ASD maybe? Or not!#I don't get to know that yet!#vent #rant

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phcking-detective · 5 years

Text

5. Bad Habits

Fic Title: First Blood

Rating: E

Length: 5/33 chapters, ~128k

Tags: Slow Burn, Idiots to Lovers, Trans Character (gavin), Autistic / Asexual / Non-binary Character (nines), BDSM, learning to use good etiquette and safe words, Dom Nines / Sub Gavin, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort

Chapter Tags: Gavin acts like a sleazy corrupt asshole to get another sleazy corrupt asshole to drop his guard, (it’s kind of hot), banter, so much banter in this one, Nines says Creepy Things, dumb idiots flirting without realizing they’re flirting, Nines saves pictures of Gavin’s dumb cute face when he laughs

Link on AO3

***

Senator McAshlynn Dernham [CEO: Synergy Paradigm] acquiesces to an interview with Detective Reed, but his heartbeat picks up to ninety-one BPM when Nines steps into his office as well.

Downtown view, fifty-second floor. Eight hundred and sixty-five square feet--nearly a hundred more than Reed's apartment. Minimalist furniture, a display of signed sports balls, and a jade paperweight shaped like a turtle valued at over four thousand dollars.

It would make an excellent bludgeoning tool.

"Detective Reed." Senator McAshlynn stands up from his desk and meets Reed halfway in the room. "Come in, have a seat."

They shake hands. Reed exerts an estimated fifty-six pounds of pressure on the handshake. Senator McAshlynn's grip strength does not exceed thirty pounds. He tries to hide a grimace, but the one facial expression Nines can reliably detect is pain.

"Sit down, sit down. What can I do for you, detective?"

Nines is not offered a greeting or a seat. It would hurt all zero of his feelings, except no talking and no physical contact is how he prefers to interact with humans. He stands behind Reed while the detective sprawls out in the offered chair.

"Just have a couple of financial questions for you, Mr. McAshlynn," Reed says.

"Oh no, McAshlynn isn't my last name," Senator McAshlynn replies. He grips the back of his chair with an estimated thirty-two pounds of strength. "Senator McAshlynn is my first name, both of them. My last name is Dernham."

"Right."

Detective Reed performed fairly extensive research on Senator Ashlynn Dernham (limited as he is by his lack of neural connection to the internet) before their arrival. Despite being fully aware of the not-senator's two first names situation, he lets the silence drag on for thirty-six seconds before clicking his tongue and continuing.

"I only need to confirm a few things about Mr. Russell's finances, and then we'll go."

Senator McAshlynn's BPM ticks up to ninety-four. "I'm not sure why that would interest you or be relevant to me. Russell personally made those investments with money given directly to him by his … investors. Although he did found this company, I can assure you, Synergy Paradigms remained completely uninvolved and unaware of--"

"Yeah, yeah." Detective Reed waves his hand. "Relax, I'm not here to bust your balls, and I don't care. I just gotta make sure Russell really did have plenty of motive to commit suicide."

"Is there something questionable about shooting himself in the head?" Senator McAshlynn asks.

Reed shrugs. He pulls out his phone and scrolls through a takeout ordering app. Nines can hear the other human begin to grind his teeth, and pinpoint the exact moment he begins inhaling in order to speak again. Even with his limited human senses, Detective Reed somehow senses this precise moment as well.

"Look, the media's making this into a big shitstorm out there, all right?" he says. "Didn't think I needed to tell you that. I just wanna make sure I'm covering my own ass, and I get that you want to do the same. No problem. Like I said, you answer some questions about <I>his</i> finances, and we leave."

Senator McAshlynn considers. "All right. I may be able to do that."

"Cool. Like I said, I'm not here to bust your balls." Reed's reflection in the wall-to-ceiling windows in front of him gives a smile even Nines can recognize as sleazy. "Guy's already dead. If you work with me here, I don't mind working with you."

Senator McAshlynn's BPM begins to fall, and he smiles back at Reed. "I'm always happy to assist the DPD, but. As you said, Russel is already dead. I'm not sure what's left for you to work with."

"Mmm." Reed puts his phone away and tilts back in the chair until the back of it rests against Nines' abdomen. "Well, my partner here has done some digging into Russell's finances. Did you know his bank account has been hemorrhaging money this last month?"

"I was not aware of that, no."

"Yep. And here's the really interesting part--he pinged the IP of some other android messing around in there."

That is so inaccurate Nines almost corrects him on sheer principle. He deactivates his voice box though, both to halt that immediate impulse and to prevent interrupting in a conversation that clearly won't involve him.

"Again, I'm not sure how that's relevant to this company," Senator McAshlynn says.

Reed shrugs. "Doesn't matter. You and I both know the media is going to drag Russell's name through the mud and into the spotlight for as long as they can milk it--and they're going to keep mentioning Synergy Paradigms while they do it. Makes for a better story."

"Well, I would certainly like to avoid that." Senator McAshlynn smiles at him again. The action barely involves his lips. "I don't suppose you know an especially talented PR agent?"

"I know large sums of missing money plus a mysterious android equals a damn good story," Reed replies. "So if there's anything you know about that, now's a good time to let me know."

"Is it?"

"I'm not looking to arrest anyone in a suicide. And if some unsavory shit comes up--you know, the kind that would stay on the ten'o'clock for the next month--maybe my partner here deletes some stuff. Maybe I let you know about it, so you get some closure on your dear friend's death."

Senator McAshlynn stays silent as he considers it. Detective Reed lets his chair drop back down to the floor with a loud thunk in the quiet room.

"But in another minute now, I'm gonna go interview that reporter who broke the story," he says with a smile that only serves to show his teeth. "So like I said. Right now is a good time to start working with me."

Senator McAshlynn takes a seat. "What can I do for you, detective?"

Nines saves the smile Reed gave to his most encrypted folder. It shares several points of similarity to his own facial expression categorized as [hostilesmile-murder]. He places the file next to the zoomed view of Gavin's nipples he attempted to delete two weeks earlier.

"Do you know where Russell's money disappeared to this last month?" Detective Reed asks.

Senator McAshlynn sighs. "No. If Russell got into escorts or red ice, I never saw any of it. And even if he did, there's no reason for his indiscretions to drag this company down with him."

"Sure," Reed says. "My partner and I are going to do some digging. See what we find."

"I don't suppose you could be persuaded to … take a holiday?" Senator McAshlynn asks.

Reed clicks his tongue. "Not how this works. And I might not know any PR agents, but I have heard it's better to get ahead of stories before they break. Know what shit stinks in your own house 'n all."

"I might like to know what the hell Russell was doing," Senator McAshlynn admits. "But maybe I'd like it better if no one knew. If we all just, dropped this whole matter?"

"Mmm."

Reed takes his phone back out and takes his time choosing from the menu of the Chinese restaurant closest to the precinct. Nines adds a side of fried vegetables and rice to his order of Chicken Kung Pao (spicy).

While Gavin works at increasing the CEO's stress levels, Nines continues syncing with the smart desk. As soon as Senator McAshlynn rested his hands on its surface, the handprint scanner activated and unlocked the interface, although it stays resting on the set screensaver of mahogany wood.

Nines doesn't alter anything or open any files. He doesn't need to. Senator McAshlynn's calendar, contacts, and social media feeds are set up to sync automatically with all of his devices.

It's simple enough to copy the handprint from the scanner and convince the "smart" desk that he himself is one of those devices.

"Oh, yeah. See." Reed says when Senator McAshlynn begins tapping his twelve hundred dollar pen. "The money? Yeah, maybe that's old news. It was all a Ponzi scheme anyway. But the android …"

Reed lets out a long sigh and tips his seat back again.

"What android?" Senator McAshlynn snaps.

"The one messing around in Russell's finances," Reed says. "Traces of it in his loft too. Can't just let that go."

Senator McAshlynn lays both hands on either side of his desk. Human body language is as chaotic and individual as every human, but this gesture clearly reflects a threatened animal attempting to look bigger than it really is. The motion also places his right hand closer to the portion of the desk's touch screen devoted to summoning security.

Nines tells that particular program to begin an update. The entire smart desk will now need to be restarted in order for the program to function.

"And why not?"

Reed reaches up and taps backwards against Nines' chest. "Say something creepy."

"Jade is porous."

"What are you talking about?" Senator McAshlynn asks, very firmly maintaining eye contact only with Reed.

"Your paperweight would make an excellent bludgeoning tool, but jade is porous," Nines says. "The blood would absorb and stain. Useful for a murder itself, but a liability afterward."

"God, you never disappoint," Reed says as the other human's face pales. "They gave him all this info and programming on solving crimes without ever stopping to think about what reverse engineering means. Takes a special kind of hand to manage him."

Nines deactivates his voice box once more. The problem with custom-building a social module is that he can only learn from his environment. The second problem is that the only human he regularly interacts with is Gavin Reed.

[dialogue options: AVAILABLE]

:Yeah, I bet your hand is real special to you.:

:I gave a special hand to your mom last night.:

:You can catch these special hands in the parking lot.:

"Are you threatening me?" Senator McAshlynn demands.

His finger presses down on the incognito security alert. A dialogue box pops up on the table informing him of the necessary restart, ruining the illusion of real wood.

Reed scoffs while he scrambles to close the notification. "I don't care about you enough to do that. It's only the android we're after. Any LM one hundreds, PJ five or six hundreds, or WB five hundreds you seen around Russel?"

"LM—a personal assistant?" Senator McAshlynn looks up from his desk. "No, Russell didn't have one of those. I don't even know what the other two are."

"University lecturer and financial accountant."

Senator McAshlynn huffs. "No. And for the last time detective, this isn't relevant to me or my company."

"All right." Detective Reed stands up. "Thanks for your time, Mr. McAshlynn."

"It's Dernham. Please leave or I will have my security team escort you out," Mr. McAshlynn informs them.

"Two GJ five hundreds and a refurbished GS two hundred." Nines nods his head toward the desk. "Is that paperweight for sale?"

"Get out!"

***

"God that was great. You really fucking asked him if it was for sale."

Gavin is still so pleased about getting kicking out of Synergy Paradigm, he lets Nines control his truck from the passenger's seat. Nines keeps the speed a steady five miles over the limit like his partner prefers and passes him a pack of the regular, non-marijuana cigarettes he smokes while on duty.

"Did you get a picture of his face?"

Nines sends the file to his cellphone. Gavin checks it immediately when it dings, then shoots him a wide smile. Nines saves a picture of that too before he's aware of making the decision to do so. He now has fifty-four pictures of Gavin saved for purposes other than building a databank of facial expressions. Anything more than three is a pattern.

A habit.

"Anything else?" the detective asks. "Wait, if you fucked with his table, don't tell me. Anything you got from that is inadmissible in court, and if there's any chance you might get caught, don't do that shit anymore."

"If there is any chance I might get caught," Nines repeats back to him. "Hypothetically, what if Senator McAshlyn's cell phone--"

He tries to put the right amount of emphasis in his voice to imply air quotes. It is difficult to preconstruct which syllables to stress and in what order. Gavin stares blankly at him. He tries raising his volume by ten percent.

"His cell phone."

Gavin suddenly huffs and rolls his eyes. "Jesus, yeah, OK. If his cell phone did …?"

"Connected to his smart desk and automatically synced to his calendar, contacts, and social media feeds."

"And anyone looking into the like, syncing history or whatever, would confirm his cell phone was the only device to connect to his smart desk about ten minutes ago?"

"Correct."

"OK, hypothetically speaking," Gavin says. "If there's no chance of getting caught--and keep in mind that would mean our whole case could get thrown out and lots of lawyers and Fowler screaming about privacy violations and IA jumping on the chance to fuck over their very first android …"

"Understood."

"If there's no chance of getting caught, that shit is still a slippery fucking slope and you shouldn't risk it."

Nines stares at the human's face, trying to determine if he is being that aspect of [sarcastic] that is not meanly saying the opposite of what he really thinks, but is still saying the opposite in order to [cover his own ass].

"Anyway." Gavin clears his throat. "On a totally unrelated note, do you have a hunch about anything?"

"A hunch."

"Yeah. Like, a gut feeling you can't really explain to me in--"

"Oh."

Gavin clears his throat again.

"I do not believe Senator McAshlynn Dernham was close friends with Maverick Russell," Nines says. "I do not believe the two planned to meet with each other within the last two weeks or the next fortnight."

"You fucking had to say fortnight. Pull over, I have a dance I want to show you."

Nines locks the passenger door. "My 'gut instinct' is that Senator McAshlynn has in fact been distancing himself from the victim for several months now and likely thought Russell was a bad investor, desperate to be liked, and only got lucky mooching off of his co-founders' talents and his father's inheritance when founding Synergy Paradigms."

"That's all your gut instinct, huh?"

"Social media accounts are public knowledge, and I have the processing power to review literally everything Senator McAshlynn has ever made publicly available online. He has not been discreet about his feelings. That is my assessment of them."

"You remember what I said about staying out of my life?" Gavin asks.

"Yes, detective." Nines does not sigh, because that would be redundant. "I am not to access your medical history or background information."

"Just keep that in mind."

"I am affixing a permanent post-it note to my field of vision right now."

"Fuck off. Is there anything else I need to know about?"

Nines considers. "Do you need the video and audio I recorded?"

Gavin actually does sigh, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "What the fuck did you record?"

"Technically speaking, I am always recording."

"This whole fucking conversation is justifying every bit of my goddamn paranoia about androids, you know that, right?"

"Humans may also acquire go-pros."

"So you admit that's what you are."

"Do you wish for me to upload the video and audio recording of our walk through the interior of Synergy Paradigms to your terminal or not, detective?"

"Yeah, sure." Gavin takes a long drag of his cigarette while he thinks. "I mean, I was right fucking there with you though. I saw everything you did."

"True," Nines admits. "You did see everything I did, but you do not possess the ability to review that video with perfect recall. My hearing is also significantly more advanced than yours, and I recorded audio from humans on the first and second floors, as well as the fifty-first, fifty-second, and fifty-third, within an approximate three to five office radius."

Gavin nearly lets the cigarette drop from his open mouth. "Holy shit. Uhhh, yeah, sure. Fuckers in a company like that gotta be gossiping about what happened. Maybe we'll pick something up."

The majority of the audio is, in fact, gossip. Nines has already processed and reviewed it of course, but he is also aware his lack of a social module and general understanding of humans must necessarily limit his ability to determine the relevance of what he's heard.

Personally, he would declare it all irrelevant. "Petty gossip" does not even begin to describe how asinine and crude the humans' dialogue is. It's all about who has been fucking whom, who is climbing the corporate ladder, and who is fucking whom in order to climb the corporate ladder.

The entire experience of walking through one [1] human corporation has justified every bit of his disgust for humans.

Still, Nines will transfer the files to the detective's workplace terminal via direct connection once they arrive back at the precinct. So far, there is nothing currently illegal about his advanced hearing and "privacy violations." And technically, anything in plain sight or said within hearing of an officer may be admitted in court as evidence.

It just so happens that Nines's sight and hearing have a bit wider scope than current laws predicted.

Gavin works on nursing his cigarette down to a nub for the next several minutes without speaking. When he taps the backs of his knuckles against his window, Nines rolls it down for him. They're moving slowly enough through the city traffic for him to ash his cigarette out the window. The cold air whipping through puts a red flush on his face as he smokes and blows it out the window.

"But seriously," the human continues after a few minutes of quiet driving. "If I ever get like that for real, knife me in the back of the neck. Straight through all of that good brain-spine stuff."

Nines runs several preconstructions. While monitoring other police officers isn't part of his mission, he was created to serve as a form of Internal Affairs. RK800s to track down the deviants and RK900s to monitor the eights.

(His [pride] pushes the idea that he is more akin to Military Police, but that is irrelevant to the preconstructions and possibly a deviant thought pattern.)

Still, Nines is aware a not-insignificant number of police officers commit errors ranging from abusing their authority to planting evidence to outright working alongside criminals for profit. Even Detective Reed has shown a propensity to skirt right along the edge of what is legal--or not technically illegal.

His assumed persona at Synergy Paradigms seems to have illustrated crossing the line however, so Nines categorizes those behaviors as [unacceptable] in his system and updates his own action-paths accordingly.

The preconstructions of killing or permanently disabling Detective Reed still fail.

But his partner is designated as his [human partner] within his system, and there may be dormant programming preventing Nines from causing serious harm to him.

"I will inform you that your behavior is no longer acceptable," Nines tells him. "If you continue after my warning, then I will neutralize you."

Gavin takes a long drag off his cigarette and gives him the facial equivalent of the :eyes: emoji. Not an apologetic look as Nines originally interpreted, but an expression known as "side-eyeing." His extensive collection of saved images focused on Gavin's face has given Nines a much higher rate of success at interpreting his partner's nonverbal signals than the average human.

"Didn't take you for the type to give warnings," Gavin finally says.

"Well." Nines practices shrugging. "It takes a special hand to manage me."

Gavin snorts out smoke. "Fuck. Did I really sound that stupid?"

[dialogue options: AVAILABLE]

"I estimate your hand is very special to you, detective."

That earns him another snort. Eighty-three chance of [amusement].

"I gave a special hand to your mother yesterday evening."

"Hope you didn't bother paying for that shit."

"You may receive these special hands at a Denny's parking lot of your choice."

That finally makes Gavin laugh, long and loud enough that he starts coughing. He flips Nines off around a wheeze, still grinning. Nines watches him keep smoking and adds to his collection of saved images.

It's a very bad habit.

***

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33

I also have a Patreon for this fic, if you want to support me! $1 gets you access to chapters a week early, $2 gets bonus content and deleted scenes, and $3 gets short chapters from two AUs I’m writing: an A/B/O heatfic and reverse!AU

#reed900 #reed900 fic #gavin reed #dbh #dbh fic #ch 5 #my writing #writing #the ao3 fic is up to ch 10 but I'm slowly getting caught up posting them here too!

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readyourimgaines · 5 years

Note

Frian. Brian taking autistic!Freddie on a date?

It took me a while to actually write this one but I’m pleased with what I’ve got written. I hope you enjoy it. I’m going to be reblogging it on my @autistic-characterhcs blog too. -Freddie

Freddie’s foot bounced a mile an hour while an unasked question danced around his head. Kash was sitting next to him, waiting for him to ask the question. She already knew what it was.

“Kash?”

“Yeah, Freddie?”

“I’ve known Brian for two and third years.”

“Yes you have.”

“So why am I freaking out?” Freddie’s foot started bouncing faster and his right hand started clenching and unclenching.

“Because there’s a little change involved now, right? If things go well- which I think they might- you might be boyfriends instead of best friends.” Kash held Freddie’s left hand to try and calm him down. “He’s still the same Brian, Fred. And you’re still the same Freddie.”

Freddie’s foot slowed down before stopping its bouncing completely. His hand stopped clenching.

“Am I...Am I going to need my ear plugs?”

“I don’t think so. It’s going to be quieter than the last concert.”

“Oh. Okay.” Freddie turned back toward the street but a small bug on the ground caught his attention so he contently watched it.“Kash, is it weird for someone with Autism to go out with someone who doesn’t?”

“Not even a little bit, Big Brother. There’s nothing weird about it at all. Besides, since when have you card about if something’s weird or not?”

“That’s fair.”

“Yep. So you have fun with Brian and don’t worry over what anyone else thinks. As long as you and Brian are happy, nothing else matters.”

*****

Freddie and Brian sat under a tree with a thin blanket under them. Brian had planned a picnic and a surprise that Freddie was still wondering about.

“I’m not telling what the surprise is so you can stop looking at me like that.” Brian didn’t try to stop the small giggle from escaping between his lips.

“Can I get a hint?” Freddie tried. He had a smile on his face and Brian was basking in it. So rarely did the front man give an open smile like this.

“It’s something that’s usually quite loud and bright but is going to be dimmed and quiet.” Brian’s smile widened as Freddie thought, rubbing the right side of his nose with his forefinger.

Brian wouldn’t take him to the cinema. It was too bright, too loud, and the size of the screen scared Freddie more than anything else. Kash tried taking him to see A New Hope and it was one of the worst sensory overloads he’d ever had. At least the cinema was kind enough to refund their tickets.

“We’re going after lunch?” Freddie checked.

“Yes. Right after we’re done eating.” Brian confirmed. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Freddie’s face.

*****

Freddie was confused as Brian drove his car to the parking lot of the carnival grounds. The carnival was set up like it was going to be all weekend but the surprise came from the difference there was. No loud music, no rearing monster trucks. The lights on the rides weren’t so bright they burned your retinas.

“How?” Was all Freddie asked.

He had always wanted to go to the carnival, but it had always been too much for him. He wanted to see horses and cows up close instead of just in passing when on a tour bus.

“The first day the carnival opens, they dim everything and quiet things down for neurodivergent people and little kids who can’t deal with the usual noise and lights. Roger heard about it from a friend of his who’s on the committee so he told me when I asked for date ideas.”

Freddie didn’t try to stop himself from flapping. He was too excited to care.

“Are we going in or just going to sit here staring at the Ferris Wheel?” Brian chuckled.

“Let’s go.” Freddie unbuckled his seat-belt, his hands shaking slightly from how excited he was.

“Do you want to go on any rides?” Brian asked.

“No. I don’t like heights,” Freddie reminded.

It was true. Whenever the band flew somewhere Freddie needed a Walkman playing piano music, a hand to hold, and Griffin at all times.

“There’s plenty of other things to do.” Brian nodded.

If he were to be honest, he didn’t like the rides either. He didn’t mind the Ferris Wheel, but most of the rides were too much for him and he wasn’t neurodivergent.

They were holding hands when they walked to the ticket booth. Brian released Freddie’s hand to pay for the tickets. The second Brian’s wallet was in his pocket, Freddie was latched on to his hand again.

Though they hadn’t been on any rides, per Freddie’s request, the two still had a good time. It wasn’t like any other date Brian had ever been on before and he loved that fact.

There was no awkward small talk, no talking about the weather or trying not to comment about what you wanted from the future. Freddie babbled sometimes but Brian never minded. He just loved watching the way Freddie’s deep brown eyes expressed all the thoughts and emotions his mouth couldn’t without singing.

*****

“Brian?”

“Freddie?”

“Horses!” And Brian laughed as Freddie tugged him in the direction of the large animal barn. Freddie was a little confused at first to see a few cows as well since the barn only had the image of a horse on the front. He was excited again in seconds nonetheless.

Brian was highly pleased when he dropped Freddie off because the older man was head shakes, flaps, and chirps all the way home.

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