সে যেই ছেলে রে ভালোবাসে, সেই ছেলে তাকে খুব একটা ভালোবাসে না! তাও সে ওই ছেলে কে ছাড়তে পারেনা! মেয়েটা সব জানে, সব বুঝে, তাও ওই ছেলে রে ছাড়তে পারেনা! কেনো জানেন?
[Tsukasa believes he's making a smart decision, but he's really not. He does not know this is going to go wrong fast.]
[Tsukasa looks around, making sure the coast is clear. Once he checks his surroundings, he carefully steps out of the painting, moving his body from one realm to the other. Now he's out.]
[… He takes a moment to process the fact he's standing on ground in the physical realm again, brushing it off before his thoughts steer towards somewhere else. He goes off to find Akito, quickly spotting him not too long after stepping out of the painting. He's about to make his presence known.]
GREETINGS, OVERSEER!
-@living-painting-tsukasa-official
[Akito damn near lets out a genuine scream at the voice, turning around with a broom held over his head like a weapon. As soon as he realizes it’s the boy from the painting, his fear turns to pure confusion.]
…then hell are you— the museum’s open! i gave you guys one rule!
A part of me always fantasizes about waking up to nightmares. Cause I'm exhausted of all the bliss of the world, that i've started to dream of poetic misery. Never healing stab in the heart.
I dream of home. A home with all my favorite pictures on the walls. A home that's never seen hunger. A home I can dance in to my favorite music. A home I'm seen, and heard. A home that trumps all homes. A home where there's hugs when you lose, celebration when you win. A home where someone is always cheering you on. A home thats clean, but lived in. A home with laughter, that's never seen violence. A home with memories. A home with notches on the door frame.
I want to be somewhere where I feel happy, free, wanted... my own sanctuary from the world.
দুইজন মানুষ, সম্পূর্ণ চুপ, হয়ত এক রাশ অভিমান, হয়ত চাপা কষ্ট। কিন্তু দিন শেষে ওই একই শব্দে মিলিত হয় ভালোবাসা।
আমরা অভিমান শুধু ভালোবাসার মানুষের সাথেই করি। আর চাপা কষ্ট গুলো ও তাদের জন্যই।
আমাদের জীবনে কখনো কখনো এমন জোড়ে আপন করে নেওয়ার মত, সব দুঃখ কষ্ট দূর করে ফেলার মতো কারোর hug এর প্রয়োজন। আর ভালোবাসার মানুষটার ওই hug টাই যেনো আমরা প্রতিনিয়ত খুঁজে বেড়াই।
ভালোবাসার মানুষটার ওই চাহনি যেটা দিয়ে মনের সব দুঃখের কথা বলতে পারবো, বলার সাহস পাবো। যেই কথা গুলো অন্য কাওকে বলতে আমাদের অসুবিধা হয় সবকিছু। সবকিছুই তো ওই ভালোবাসার মানুষটাকে ঘিরেই হয়।
এই ১৫ টা মিনিট মাত্র ৩ মিনিটের সমতুল্য এই স্ক্রিনে ��ালোবাসার এত নিখুঁত বক্তব্য!
📽️ কাছের মানুষ দূরে থুইয়া।
জীবন সুন্দর। এই জীবন আমরা ক্ষণিকের জন্য অন্যের হয়ে বেচেঁ দেখি। নাটকের মাঝে নিজেকে খুঁজে পাই। নাটকের মাধ্যমে এই গোটা জীবনের একটা ক্ষন পরিদর্শনের সুযোগ পাই। আসলে আমাদের এই জীবনটাই তো একটা নাটক।
আচ্ছা! আমাদের ভালোবাসার মানুষ গুলোকে কেন হারিয়ে ফেলতে হয়?
যাদের কথা ভেবে আমরা বলি যে তাকে ছাড়া বাঁচবো না। দিন শেষে আমরা কি করে তাদের ছাড়া এত সময়, এত মাস, এত বছর কাটিয়ে দিতে পারি?
It’s not that I don’t want to. I don’t know how, I can’t. I practiced and it’s not believable. It’s not a mask we can put on. We’re not up, we’re not down. We’re just here. It’s enough to get by. So many complications interacting only for people to water it down so they can understand. I live here. Standing in the middle of the intersection, wading in the water, at each event where no one can quite remember, in the middle of the photos, as the best man, as no man, in each shade of grey. For how long, and how much longer?
I don't know how to do it. I can't fake it. It’s weird it’s like forcefully crying. How do I pull this emotion out of thin air as people request you to do so. Please don’t ask me why I don’t look a certain way. I feel what I feel and express even less. Sure I’m supposed to be and look a certain way. But there’s been something missing for who knows how long. It’s been almost a decade since I started writing this which tells me it’s been a lot longer than I realized. Within that decade and beyond there are plenty of ups I can remember. I have the memories, the stills that almost tell another story.
I got this new story that I’m just uncovering now. With how much time has passed it’s just been the normalcy and only a few ever mentioned that there’s something different here. I don’t know why it took this long to dig deeper. I think seeing myself like I could never see myself until now has me questioning how I will look. It was a long time before I started to notice how vulnerable the people we look up to can be.
I wish you saw me before as I’ve lost relativity. I won’t pretend, cover up, and lie to fake strength. I’m leaving everything out in the open as I always have. I want to talk, question, understand. Vulnerability is what brings us together and makes us stronger.
I feel weak and sick. I know it's another depressive episode and I now have the tools to deal with this.
But it's still incredible just how debilitating depression can be. How it can make my body feel as though it's sedated.
"Move, move, move, move."
I try to tell my legs but they won't respond. They feel weighted, my whole body does. Yet I can't rest. There aren't dreams on the other side waiting to greet me. There's only static. A white noise that fills my head, my eyes, my ears and makes the silence in this house all the more unbearable.
I can't see a tomorrow, I can't seem to find a way out of this hole. I'm tired of performative love and empty support. I'm tired of being silenced when I sing a note too high or attempt to air the rotting emotions left from trauma.
I'm tired of making people confortable, of minimizing my body, my spirit and my voice to keep the volatile peace they've learned to sleep over. I can smell the spark that would take to immolate this charade and it burns inside my mind.
I'm done playing mediator to people who have never and will never truly see me.
But I will not let them taste my blood. Much of that has already happened and the scars left on my skin are still visible tales of dispair.
I will not let them have my flesh. I will not let them pin me down with platitudes and codependent manipulation.
I can't see a tomorrow, but I can still define today.
"Move, move, move, move."
My legs are made of brick, my muscles in their steel-ness won't comply.
"Move, move, move, move, move."
Can't you hear that Mother Death is knocking on the door?